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Intimate Justice Scale

(Jory, 2004)

Read each item below to see if it describes how your partner usually treats you. Then circle
the number that best describes how strongly you agree or disagree with whether it applies to
you. Circling a one (1) indicates that you do not agree at all, while circling a five (5) indicates
that you agree strongly. Your answers are confidential and will not be shared with your

Pleaseanswer as honestly as possible.
I do not
agree at

1. My partner never admits when she or he is wrong. 1 2 3 4 5
2. My partner is unwilling to adapt to my needs and expectations. 1 2 3 4 5
3. My partner is more insensitive than caring. 1 2 3 4 5
4. I am often forced to sacrifice my own needs to meet my partners needs 1 2 3 4 5
5. My partner refuses to talk about problems that make him or her look bad. 1 2 3 4 5
6. My partner withholds affection unless it would benefit her or him. 1 2 3 4 5
7. It is hard to disagree with my partner because she or he gets angry. 1 2 3 4 5
8. My partner resents being questioned about the way he or she treats me. 1 2 3 4 5
9. My partner builds him/herself up by putting me down. 1 2 3 4 5
10. My partner retaliates when I disagree with him or her. 1 2 3 4 5
11. My partner is always trying to change me. 1 2 3 4 5
12. My partner believes he or she has the right to force me to do things. 1 2 3 4 5
13. My partner is too possessive or jealous. 1 2 3 4 5
14. My partner tries to isolate me from family and friends. 1 2 3 4 5
15. Sometimes my partner physically hurts me. 1 2 3 4 5

Take this assessment before attempting to use the Three Phase Model of Conflict Resolution. If
you or your partner score above a two (2) on any of the items, do NOT attempt the model. If you
score a five (5) on ANY of the items, it would be best to seek therapy to resolve your conflicts.
Strengthening Marriage
Session 5: Resolving Conflict
Being different doesnt necessarily mean that
one person is right and the other is wrong or
that one way is better than another
Elder Robert E. Wells, Ensign, Jan. 1987, 60.
Many conflicts can be resolved when both
spouses focus more on trying to understand
each other and less on changing each other.
How was conflict handled by your parents?
How have you handled conflict with non-
family members?
What emotions do you feel when conflict
takes place?
How do your children handle conflict?
What has worked?
What hasnt?
The Solution:
Many conflicts can be resolved when both
spouses focus more on understanding each other
and less on changing each other.
Conflict Resolution Model
Phase One-
Express your views about the issue.
Allow your partner to have their own perspective.
Seek understanding.
Sometimes this will be the end of conflict, if not,
turn to phase 2.
Model cont.
Phase Two
Explore your concerns
What are the underlying issues about this topic?
What emotions occur because of this topic?
What usually happens when you bring this topic up?
What have you tried in the past?
What often causes deadlock about this topic?
Model cont.
Phase Three
Mutually satisfying solutions
Find a compromise you will both enjoy.
Brainstorm ideas just to get them on the table.
Make a plan to follow through with your solution.
Plan to come back together to discuss the success of
your solution.
Be concrete.
Rules for Discussing Problems
Make it purposeful.
Stay on topic.
Seek understanding.
Take a break.
Be open and pliable.
Couple Communication
If you need further help resolving conflict, CCI
is a 6 week class to learn more effective ways
to do so.