Conflict management

Amar Pandit / May 10, 2009, 0:38 IST

While distributing wealth, parents need to ensure that their children's expectations are
taken into account. Most parents often commit the cardinal sin of dividing wealth in an
unequal manner. Though the basic idea is not to hurt the other, it's done to protect the
one who seems to be more vulnerable in this big bad world.

Typically, there is a bias towards a favorite/under privileged child or differentiation

between son and daughter.

Even educated people suffer from this malaise. However, they forget that this inequality
leads to serious rifts between children after parents' death. For example, a successful
son or daughter might feel penalized for his/her success because parents have chosen
to leave a larger part of their wealth for the not-so-successful sibling. In such
circumstances, parents should ensure harmony over financial matters.

First, they should talk to their children about inheritance plans. And especially, if they
are planning to give one sibling more than the other. Discussing openly with them helps
you understand their feelings and reactions.

In most cases, the child who has received a smaller share, will be unhappy even if he or
she does not directly object to your decision. Though some of the children might not say
anything now, this has the potential to create serious conflict after you pass away.

No wonder, a large number of court battles are being fought among siblings for property
or inheritance related matters. There are often accusations of manipulations or papers
being signed falsely.

Letting them know well in advance allows them to voice their concerns and leads to
some kind of dialogue.

Of course, the simplest way would be to divide the wealth equally, irrespective of their
financial situation.

Second, if at all there are reasons to make unequal distribution, buy a life insurance
policy and nominate the child who needs it more. That means that this child will get
additional proceeds from your policy. Also, this is a far less threatening method of
leaving your estate to your children.

Third, in your will make all your children the executors of estate rather than just one.
The best is to have the spouse as the 'Sole Executrix'. But after her or along with her,
you must have some other executors; have both children instead of one.

Four, as a thumb rule do not leave any specific investments to any child. For example, if
you own stocks and properties, a common solution is to give one investment to one
child and another investment to another child.

Say, you give shares of company X to one sibling and Y company shares to another.
X's share price may multiply 7 times in value whereas Y's decline by 25 per cent. There
will be dissent. Similarly, giving two different properties might invoke controversy too.

A better solution is to divide everything in equal proportions. This way they can share
not only the risks but also the benefits. However, there are certain exceptions to this
rule.

If one of the children is inheriting part of the existing profession, like a lawyer or a
doctor, then automatically he/she has an advantage. In such a case, the other one has
to be compensated by giving them other advantages in the will.

Importantly, review your will regularly. If you were planning to leave some shares or
property in one child's name, but due to unforeseen circumstances you sold them, then
you need to make sure that the will is updated accordingly.

Also, if there are power struggles for business ownership, ensure that dispute resolution
mechanisms are clearly detailed out in your estate plan.

The writer is director, My Financial Advisor

Emotional Intelligence Competencies

The Emotional Intelligence Competencies of High Achievers – 1998 - Daniel Goleman

Personal Competence
These competencies determine how we manage ourselves.

Self-Awareness
Knowing one's internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions.

* Emotional Awareness: Recognizing one's emotions and their effects.

* Accurate Self-assessment: Knowing one's strengths and limits.
* Self-confidence: A strong sense of one's self-worth and capacities.

Self-Regulation
Managing one's internal states, impulses and resources.

* Self-Control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check.

* Trustworthiness: Maintaining standards of honesty and integrity.
* Conscientiousness: Taking responsibility for personal performance.
* Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change.
* Innovation: Being comfortable with novel ideas, approaches and new information.

Self-Motivation
Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals.

* Achievement drive: Striving to improve or meet a standard of excellence.

* Organisational Commitment: Aligning with the goals of the group or organisation.
* Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities.
* Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks.

Social Competence
These competencies determine how we handle relationships.
Social Awareness and Empathy
Awareness of other's feelings, needs and concerns.

* Understanding Others: Sensing others' feelings and perspectives and taking an

active interest in their concerns.
* Developing others: Sensing others' development needs and encouraging their
abilities.
* Service orientation: Anticipating, recognizing and meeting customers' needs.
* Leveraging diversity: Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people.
* Political awareness: Reading a group's emotional currents and power relationships.

Social Skills
Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others.

* Communication: Listening openly and sending convincing messages.

* Conflict Management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements.
* Change Catalyst: Initiating or managing change.
* Building bonds: Nurturing instrumental relationships.
* Collaboration and co-operation: Working with others towards shared goals.
* Team capabilities: Creating group synergy in pursuing collective goals.
* Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion.
* Leadership: Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups.

A Framework of Emotional Competencies – 2002 - Daniel Goleman

This model is a refinement of the previous model he used in 1998.

Table:
Self
Personal Competence

Other
Social Competence
Recognition

Self-Awareness

* Emotional Self-Awareness
 * Accurate Self-Assessment
* Self-Confidence

Social Awareness

* Empathy
* Service Orientation
* Organizational
Awareness

Regulation

Self-Management

* Self-control
* Self-control
* Trustworthiness
* Conscientiousness
* Adaptability
* Achievement drive
* Initiative (+Innovation)

Relationship Management

* Developing others
Influence
* Communication
* Conflict management
* Leadership
* Change catalyst
* Building Bonds
* Teamwork & Collaboration

Three key clusters into which the twenty EI competencies were grouped emerged:

* Self-Awareness,
* Self-Management, and
* Social Awareness (which includes Empathy), along with
Relationship Management, which, in the statistical analysis, included the Social
Awareness cluster.

While this revised model verifies that the competencies nest within each EI domain, it
also suggests that the distinction between the Social Awareness cluster and the
Relationship Management cluster may be more theoretical than empirical.

In this revised model the following competencies were regrouped:

* Innovation was collapsed into Initiative;

* Optimism was integrated with Achievement Drive;
* Leveraging Diversity and Understanding Others combined to become Empathy;
* Organizational Commitment was collapsed into Leadership; and
The separate competencies Collaboration and Team Capabilities became one,
Called Teamwork and Collaboration.
* Political Awareness was renamed Organizational Awareness, and
* Emotional Awareness became Emotional Self-Awareness.