Avoid Analysis Paralysis Dont Overthink

Everything
I like analysis as much as the next left-brain MBA type person, but over time, I have learned to
avoid analysis paralysis.
What is analysis paralysis? It is hen you are paraly!ed by your desire to keep doin" analysis
until you#ve analy!ed every possible variation and outcome. $ou end up doin" nothin" because
you don#t ant to take a risk, even a small step, ithout havin" looked at potential problems
from all an"les. It is a true sickness and it runs at epidemic levels amon" en"ineers, MBAs and
other analytical types. I speak from experience, as I#m a recoverin" %over&analysis addict.
'o ho does one "et over the desire to analy!e everythin" to death, and in the process, overcome
bein" afflicted by analysis paralysis? I don#t think there is one, sin"le recommended path, but
here are some ideas.
(.& Get over yourself. )ose the idea that you alays need to be ri"ht. *erfectionism is the
enemy. +ur education system and our society often make us think that e alays need to be
ri"ht, but maturity and experience tell us that#s not ho the orld really orks.
,.& -elated to .(, be willing to take risks. $ou may need to start sloly in the be"innin",
but you#ll "et there. -emember, ithout risk, there typically is no reard.
/.& -eali!e that we live in a world where testing is quite inexensive for most ideas and
scenarios. )earn to test, test, test, rather than tryin" to make sure you#re ri"ht about everythin"
before ever takin" a step.
0.& !earn to "fail fast#. If you can adopt and understand that fast failures usually are the
1uickest path to 2success,3 you are likely to achieve your ob4ectives more rapidly and more
consistently.
5.& $ry so%e &reative exer&ises and a&tivities. If you#re firmly rooted on the left side of the
brain, make a concerted effort to become more creative and adventurous. It ill help you
overcome your tendency toard analysis paralysis.
6.& 'nderstand that "fail fast# doesnt %ean "fail big#. )ook for opportunities for many
small failures that ill provide you ith the feedback and insi"hts you need to achieve your
"oals. Bein" illin" to fail from time to time does not e1uate to bein" illin" to 2bet the farm3
at every opportunity.
7.& Develo suort grous. 8ind other entrepreneurs and achievers ho, like you, are
tryin" to make thin"s happen and make a difference in the orld. 9se each other as a soundin"
board and as 2accountability partners3. *ush each other to take action and learn from your
mistakes. 'hare hat you learn ith the "roup.
:.& (dentify role %odels. 8ind people and stories that inspire you to take action. -ead their
stories and their ritin"s often, so you stay inspired to be proactive and make thin"s happen.
'urround yourself ith others ho are tryin" to make a difference in the orld.
;.& )eek to be a role %odel and inspire others. Be a leader. Be an inspiration to others.
'ho them not 4ust hat can be conceived, but also hat can be achieved. *ut your ideas into
action and become a role model for those ho ould do the same.
(<.& Celebrate your a&hieve%ents and those of others. =ake time to 2smell the roses3 and
reard yourself for your achievements. Also celebrate and reard the achievements of others.
Become a champion of achievement and action and you ill find that analysis paralysis ill
soon be a thin" of the past for you and those you care about.
I look forard to your thou"hts> *lease leave a comment %2response3& belo or in the upper
ri"ht corner of this post.
$he *ure for Analysis Paralysis
$ou try to kick someone under the table and your le" stays as inert as the table#s le". $our toes
are uni""leable. $our eyebro on#t arch ryly in disdain.
$ou ant to make somethin" happen, but that desire isn#t translatin" into movement. $our
muscles don#t obey the si"nals from your brain.
=hat#s paralysis.
Analysis is pretty much the same thin".
$ou analy!e your business all the time. $ou decide that it ould be smart to start an email
campai"n, or chan"e the direction for your blo" posts. $ou decide hether to run a promotion
for your consultin" business or launch an information product.
$ou#re thinkin" about somethin" happenin".
But you#re not makin" it happen.
+hen analysis aralysis is benefi&ial
It turns out that sometimes it#s "ood to be paraly!ed.
?very ni"ht, hen you "o to sleep and drop deep into that -?M state that lets you ake up all
refreshed in the mornin", you are, medically speakin", paraly!ed.
=his is a "ood thin". When you "et tired, your ability to act is impaired. $ou#re more likely to
"et lost, to drive poorly, to call the ex you sore you#d never speak to a"ain.
@et paraly!ed by sleep for a couple of hours, and suddenly everythin" improves. When your
spouse thros the car keys at you a little too hard because they haven#t for"iven you for callin"
your ex last ni"ht, you catch them effortlessly ith catlike reflexes.
Analysis can be like this.
'ometimes e have too much "oin" on in our businesses. It can help to take a moment to stop
everythin" and hold completely still, movin" nothin" but our brains, 4ust thinkin" about the
problem.
We don#t have to take action yet. We don#t have to move a muscle. We 4ust have to think about
hat e#ll do hen e#re ready to move.
Analysis can be a refreshin" pause for our brains.
It can also be a serious problem.
+hen analysis aralysis (s detri%ental
=he kind of paralysis you experience in -?M state every ni"ht is "ood for you. $ou probably
didn#t even kno you ere paraly!ed.
(If you werent freaking out about it before, dont start now. Whatever you do, dont think about
the xkcd comic that points out that dreaming means going comatose, hallucinating vividly, and
then suffering amnesia. Adding paralysis to that list doesnt sound so bad now, does it!
It#s okay for your le"s %and the rest of you& to be paraly!ed for a couple hours a ni"ht. If it "oes
on for more than a day, thou"h, you#re "oin" to start to be pretty concerned about some of the
lo"istics.
Analysis can be like this, too.
When you#ve taken the time to hold still and analy!e your business for a couple of hours A even
a full orkin" day A before you take action, that#s perfectly healthy. It has probably improved
your ability to move forard confidently and ith "ood 4ud"ment.
If you find yourself analy!in" for eeks or months at a time ithout movin", it#s time to be
concerned.
,ow to &ure analysis aralysis
=o cure real paralysis, you "enerally need the sort of miracle doctor featured prominently in
many a popular medical drama, but not so prominently in real-life hospitals.
=o cure analysis paralysis, thou"h, you 4ust need to check out the recent =hird =ribe seminar
featurin" 'onia 'imone and Bhris @arrett, here they talk about ho to take action on that
product launch you#ve been meanin" to do, thinkin" about, analy!in", and never doin".
$ou#ll learnC
=he product development techni1ue that kills paralysis, moves you to a fast launch, and
creates "reat value for your customers
Why 2thinkin" bi"3 can stop you dead in your tracks, and ho to "et movin" a"ain
Do to use your on 2eaknesses3 as stren"ths that move you forard
What to do if you don#t have thick skin %and ho it can ork to your benefit&
Do to create products that move your customers farther and faster toard their "oals.
While you#re listenin", you#ll find yourself analy!in" ho to use these techni1ues in your
business. $ou may also find yourself lulled into a soporific state of bliss, because 'onia#s voice
is extremely soothin". And that#s okay.
=o make sure you don#t "et stuck there, thou"h, there#s a Eext Action orksheet to help you
move forard. 9se it. Make your business stron"er throu"h movement.
+therise, I#d have to explain hat 2atrophy3 means. And no one ants that.
-loo%s $axono%y
F=axonomy3 simply means 2classification3, so the ell-knon taxonomy of learnin" ob4ectives
is an attempt %ithin the behavioural paradi"m& to classify forms and levels of learnin". It
identifies three 2domains3 of learnin" %see belo&, each of hich is or"anised as a series of
levels or pre-re1uisites. It is su""ested that one cannot effectively A or ou"ht not try to A
address hi"her levels until those belo them have been covered %it is thus effectively serial in
structure&. As ell as providin" a basic se1uential model for dealin" ith topics in the
curriculum, it also su""ests a ay of cate"orisin" levels of learnin", in terms of the expected
ceilin" for a "iven pro"ramme. =hus in the Bo"nitive domain, trainin" for technicians may cover
knowledge, comprehension and application, but not concern itself ith analysis and above,
hereas full professional trainin" may be expected to include this and synthesis and evaluation
as ell.
*ognitiveC the most-used of the domains, refers to knoled"e structures %althou"h sheer
2knoin" the facts3 is its bottom level&. It can be vieed as a se1uence of pro"ressive
contextualisation of the material. %Based on Bloom, (;56&
=he model above is included because it is still common currency, but Anderson and
Grathohl %,<<(& have made some apparently minor but actually si"nificant
modifications, to come up ithC
"evised taxonomy of the cognitive domain
following Anderson and #rathwohl ($%%&!
Eote the ne top cate"ory, hich is about bein" able to create ne knoled"e ithin the
domain, and the move from nouns to verbs.
In hi"her education, FunderstandF is stillAin my vieAproblematic in its positionin".
=here is a hi"her, contextualised level of Funderstandin"F hich comes only ith
attemptin" to evaluate ideas and to try them out in ne ays, or to FcreateF ith them. It
is hat I expect at MasterHs level. =he taxonomy is an
epistemolo"ical rather than psycholo"ical hierarchy, but it also has a basic chronolo"ical
elementC you achieve certain levels before others. =his hi"her, @estalt, level of
understandin" comes last, in my experienceC my principal evidence is in the use of
research methods. =he FrealF, intuitive, contextualised, critical, strate"ic understandin"
only happens hen you have tried to be creative ithin the field... Ar"ue ith me %use
the Fcomments elcomeF link belo&. And thanks to all the people ho have done soI I
hope you found it a useful activity. I did> 'ee more notes at the bottom of the pa"e arisin"
from those discussions.
More on the revised version, includin" the ma"ical verbs to use in ob4ectives at different levels
$et more
Apolo"ies to the reader ho prefers FAnaly!in"F>
Affe&tiveC the Affective domain has received less attention, and is less intuitive than the
Bo"nitive. It is concerned ith values, or more precisely perhaps ith perception of
value issues, and ran"es from mere aareness %-eceivin"&, throu"h to bein" able to
distin"uish implicit values throu"h analysis. %Gratohl, Bloom and Masia %(;60&&
Psy&ho./otorC Bloom never completed ork on this domain, and there have been
several attempts to complete it. +ne of the simplest versions has been su""ested by Jave
%(;75&C it fits ith the model of developin" skill put forard by -eynolds %(;65&, and it
also dras attention to the fundamental role of imitation in skill ac1uisition.
-uilding *onfiden&e
Bonfidence is not somethin" that can be learned like a set of rulesI confidence is a state of mind.
*ositive thinkin", practice, trainin", knoled"e and talkin" to other people are all useful ays to
help improve or boost your confidence levels.
Bonfidence comes from feelin"s of ell-bein", acceptance of your body and mind %self-esteem&
and belief in your on ability, skills and experience.
)o-confidence can be a result of many factors includin"C fear of the unknon, criticism, bein"
unhappy ith personal appearance %self-esteem&, feelin" unprepared, poor time-mana"ement,
lack of knoled"e and previous failures.
Bonfidence is not a static measure, our confidence to perform roles and tasks can increase and
decreaseI some days e may feel more confident than others.
=his pa"e provides practical advice about thin"s that you can do to build your confidence.
*onfiden&e and self.estee% are not the sa%e thing, althou"h they are often linked. Bonfidence
is the term e use to describe ho e feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and tasks.
'elf-esteem is ho e feel about ourselves, the ay e look, the ay e think - hether or not
e feel orthy or valued. *eople ith lo self-esteem often also suffer from "enerally lo
confidence, but people ith "ood self-esteem can also have lo confidence. It is also perfectly
possible for people ith lo self-esteem to be very confident in some areas.
8or more discussion see our pa"eC +hat is )elf.Estee%0.
Perfor%ing a role or &o%leting a task &onfidently is not about not %aking %istakes.
Mistakes are inevitable, especially hen doin" somethin" ne. Bonfidence includes knoin"
hat to do hen mistakes come to li"ht and therefore is also about problem solvin" and decision
makin".
Kisit our sections on both Proble% )olving and De&ision /aking for more information.
+ays to (%rove *onfiden&e
Planning and Prearation
*eople often feel less confident about ne or potentially difficult situations. *erhaps the most
important factor in developin" confidence is plannin" and preparin" for the unknon.
If you are applyin" for a ne 4ob for example, you ould be ise to prepare for the intervie.
*lan hat you ould ant to say in the intervie and think about some of the 1uestions that you
may be asked. *ractise your ansers ith friends or collea"ues and "ain their feedback.
=here are many other examples of plannin" for an intervie, perhaps you should visit the
hairdresser before you "o. Do are you "oin" to travel to the intervie, ho lon" ill the
4ourney take? What should you ear? =ake control of unknon situations the best you can,
break don tasks into smaller sub-tasks and plan as many as you can.
!earning1 2nowledge and $raining
)earnin" and research can help us to feel more confident about our ability to handle situations,
roles and tasks.
'ee our pa"esC +hat is !earning0 and !ifelong !earning for more information.
Gnoin" hat to expect and ho and hy thin"s are done ill add to your aareness and
usually make you feel more prepared and ultimately more confident. )earnin" and "ainin"
knoled"e can sometimes make us feel less confident about our abilities to perform roles and
tasks, hen this happens e need to combine our knoled"e ith experience. By doin"
somethin" e have learned a lot about e put theory to practice hich develops confidence and
adds to the learnin" and comprehension.
8irst-time parents to-be may ell feel nervous and less than confident about havin" a baby. =hey
are likely to buy books or visit ebsites hich can offer advice and dispel some of the mysteries.
=hey are also likely to talk to other parents to "ain knoled"e and understandin".
In the orkplace, trainin" may be provided for staff to teach them ho to mana"e or ork ith
ne systems and procedures. Jurin" a period of or"anisational chan"e this is particularly
important as many people ill naturally resist chan"es. Doever if those affected by the chan"es
are "iven ade1uate information and trainin" then such resistances can usually be minimised.
'ee our sectionC )tudy )kills, not 4ust for students, learn ho to learn more effectively.
Positive $hought
*ositive thou"ht can be a very poerful ay of improvin" confidence.
+ptimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Eothin" can be done ithout hope and
confidence.
,elen 2eller - Author, political activist, and lecturer. 'he first deaf and blind person to earn a
(A degree in the )*.
=here is a lot of information about positive thinkin" both online and in print. =he basic rules of
positive thinkin" are to hi"hli"ht your stren"ths and successes and learn from your eaknesses
and mistakes. =his is a lot easier than it sounds, e often dell on thin"s that e are not happy
ith from our past - makin" them into bi""er issues than they need to be. =hese ne"ative
thou"hts can be very dama"in" to confidence and your ability to achieve "oals.
=ry to recondition the ay you think about your lifeC
2now your strengths and weaknesses. Write a list of thin"s that you are "ood at and
thin"s that you kno need improvement. Jiscuss your list ith friends and family,
inevitably they ill be able to add to the list. Belebrate and develop your stren"ths and
find ays to improve or mana"e your eaknesses.
+e all %ake %istakes. JonHt think of your mistakes as ne"atives but rather as learnin"
opportunities.
A&&et &o%li%ents and &o%li%ent yourself. When you receive a compliment from
somebody else, thank them and ask for more detailsI hat exactly did they like?
-eco"nise your on achievements and celebrate them by reardin" yourself and tellin"
friends and family about them.
'se &riti&is% as a learning exerien&e. ?verybody sees the orld differently, from their
on perspective, hat orks for one person may not ork for another. Briticism is 4ust
the opinion of somebody else. Be assertive hen receivin" criticism, donHt reply in a
defensive ay or let criticism loer your self-esteem. )isten to the criticism and make
sure that you understand hat is bein" said, use criticism as a ay to learn and improve.
'ee our pa"eC Dealing with *riti&is% for more information.
$ry to stay generally &heerful and have a ositive outlook on life. +nly complain or
criticise hen necessary and hen you do, do so in a constructive ay. +ffer others
compliments and con"ratulate them on their successes.
$alking to Others and 3ollowing $heir !ead
Bonfidence is conta"ious. 'o is lack of confidence.
4in&e !o%bardi - 'uccessful American 8ootball coach.
@enerally people are attracted to confident people - confidence is one of the main characteristics
of charisma. 'ee our pa"eC +hat is *haris%a0 for a full explanation.
'peakin" to and bein" around people ho are confident ill usually help you to feel more
confident. )earn from others ho are successful in fulfillin" the tasks and "oals that you ish to
achieve - let their confidence rub off on you. As you become more confident then offer help and
advice, become a role-model for somebody less confident.
Exerien&e
As e successfully complete tasks and "oals, our confidence that e can complete the same and
similar tasks a"ain increases.
@ainin" experience and takin" the first step can, hoever, be very difficult. +ften the thou"ht of
startin" somethin" ne is orse than actually doin" it, this is here preparation, learnin" and
thinkin" positively can help. Break roles and tasks don into small achievable "oals. Make each
one of your "oals fit 'MA-= criteria. =hat is to make "oals 'pecific, Measurable, Attainable,
-ealistic and =imed.
-e Assertive
Bein" assertive means standin" up for hat you believe in and stickin" to your principles.
Bein" assertive also means that you can chan"e your mind if you believe it is the ri"ht thin" to
do, not because you are under pressure from somebody else. Assertiveness, confidence and self-
esteem are all very closely linked - usually people become naturally more assertive as they
develop their confidence.
'ee our Assertiveness section and Assertiveness $e&hniques pa"e for more information.
Avoid Arrogan&e
Arro"ance is detrimental to interpersonal relationships.
As your confidence "ros and you become successful, avoid feelin" or actin" superior to others.
-emember - nobody is perfect, there is alays more that you can learn. Belebrate your stren"ths
and successes and reco"nise your eaknesses and failures. @ive others credit for their ork - use
compliments and praise sincerely. Be courteous and polite and sho an interest in hat others
are doin", ask 1uestions and "et involved.
Admit to your mistakes and be prepared to lau"h at yourself>
(%roving )elf.Estee%
What does self-esteem mean to you?
$ou may think of it as your inner voice L the voice that tells you hether you are "ood enou"h to
do or achieve somethin". 'elf-esteem is about ho e value ourselves, our perceptions and
beliefs in ho e are and hat e are capable of. +ur self-esteem can be misali"ned ith other
peopleHs perception of ho e are.
Interestin"ly enou"h, self-esteem has little to do ith actual talent or ability. It#s 1uite possible
for someone ho is "ood at somethin" to have poor self-esteem, hile someone ho stru""les at
a particular topic mi"ht have "ood self-esteem.
In the first case, the person mi"ht think +I have to give a speech tomorrow and Im dreading it. I
know Im no good,, even thou"h they are experienced and successful. =he other person may be
determined to "ive a "ood speech and focuses on feelin" more confident about the result, even
thou"h they display less talent than the first person.
It is easy to see ho a lack of self-esteem can influence ho a person behaves, not to mention
hat they achieve in their lives.
(If you do have to give a speech tomorrow and are feeling nervous then see our page on Dealing
with Presentation Nerves for some reassurance.!
+hy Do Peole Exerien&e !ow )elf.Estee%0
=here are ays to boost your self-esteem, even if you feel as if you are stru""lin" to do so.
=here are many reasons hy someone mi"ht have lo self-esteem. A feelin" of failure can stem
from a poor decision or a series of experiences in life that lead to the person feelin" don on
themselves. 8or example let#s say that you don#t have confidence in your on abilities and you
don#t feel stron" enou"h to resist fallin" in ith the ron" crod. In this situation you may feel
poerless to refuse the offer of dru"s hen they are presented to you. =hus you take them so you
can fit in and feel part of a "roup, hopin" this ill increase your self-esteem and confidence. =he
effects of the dru"s may make you feel more confident for a short time, but this is an external
force L it does not come from ithin you. If you become addicted to dru"s, any self-esteem you
do have ill eventually crumble. $ou ill feel depressed at havin" succumbed to them and you
may feel hopeless at the odds of beatin" the addiction. It sends you into a spiral that can be hard
to escape from.
+at&h 5our (nternal Dialogue
Doever, there are solutions. As you may have "uessed, positive internal dialo"ue is a bi" part
of improvin" your self-esteem. Instead of sayin" thin"s like MI#m not "ood enou"h# or MI#m a
failure# you can start to turn thin"s around by sayin" MI can beat this# and MI can become more
confident by viein" myself in a more positive ay.# =o be"in ith you ill catch yourself
fallin" back into old ne"ative habits, but ith re"ular effort you can start to feel more positive
and build your self-esteem as ell.
,el 5ourself and )eek ,el fro% Others
'elf-esteem varies from situation to situation, from day to day and hour to hour. 'ome people
feel relaxed and positive ith friends and collea"ues, but uneasy and shy ith stran"ers. +thers
may feel totally in command of themselves at ork but stru""le socially %or vice versa&.
?verybody is different. 'ome people are naturally positive and optimistic, maintainin"
e1uilibrium hen faced ith constant difficulties, hile others are less so. 'ome people are "ood
at appearin" to be positive and optimistic on the outside hile they stru""le ith lo self-esteem
and feelin"s of self-doubt on the inside.
$ou cannot achieve everythin" in a day, but you can start takin" steps to enhance the ay you
feel. If you are addicted to dru"s or you have problems ith overeatin" or drinkin" too much,
take steps to "et help. 8ocus on chan"in" your daily routine as ell, so you become healthier and
more positive too. ?xercisin" for half an hour a day is recommended by the World Dealth
+r"anisation, but it is also enou"h to improve your "eneral mood. Watchin" hat you eat and
tryin" to maintain a healthy ell-balanced diet ill help your body and mind function ell and
could also help to lift your spirits. Ade1uate "ood-1uality sleep ill also help to ensure that your
body and mind function optimally.
'ee our pa"esC +hat is )lee0 and $he (%ortan&e of )lee for more information.
A common symptom of lo self-esteem is the feelin" that you cannot perform ell in public.
@ainin" confidence to function in public ith ease depends lar"ely on previous personal
experiences.
Prearation is i%ortant - knoin" your information and hat you ant to say. =he key is to
face up to your anxieties and not to alk aay from them. Blockin" out or refusin" to think
about fears allos fears to take over and dama"e your self-esteem.
?ven the seemin"ly most confident people may feel insecure deep don. =o feel nervous is not
necessarily a bad thin". Actors, sin"ers and those ho ork in the media can be all but paralysed
ith nerves before a performance, but as soon as the moment of action comes their control and
techni1ue takes over. It can be the same for everyone if properly prepared. +ne trick is not to let
nerves sho, to appear confident hoever you feel inside, to learn to channel the nervous ener"y
positively. +nce you are in control, the fear ill subside and ith it your self-esteem can
improve.
6ui&k $is to ,el (%rove )elf.Estee%
Gain *ontrol of 5ourself7 Jo not be critical of yourself to others. Whilst it can be
useful to confide your concerns to someone you trust, tellin" the orld is somethin" else.
Be kind to yourself. Make a list of your "ood 1ualities and believe them, believe in
yourself.
Don8t -e A *o%lainer7 ?veryone has problems, so hy should yours be "reater than
others? By bein" ne"ative you can isolate yourself from others and cut yourself off from
solutions to problems.
!earn to 9elax7 Allo time for yourself each day. =his may only be a fe minutes, but
it is important to be 1uiet and to unind. 'ee our section on -elaxation =echni1ues for
some ideas.
-oost 5our Own /orale7 Allo yourself a treat from time to time, especially if you
have overcome a hurdle in personal presentation, particularly after your first formal talk
or after a successful meetin". It does not have to be expensive - a cup of coffee at a
pleasant place, or some other treat.
*ongratulate 5ourself on a 4obNtask ell done and perhaps tell a friend. Jo not alays
be the one to "ive out praise, you need some too. Oustified praise is a "ood boost to
morale.
!earn to *hannel :erves and $ension Positively7 hen you are nervous, adrenalin is
pumped throu"h the body and you feel more keyed up and alert. =his extra ener"y can be
used to "ood effectI enablin" you to communicate ith "reater enthusiasm and intensity,
for example.
!earn to be Assertive7 'tand up for hat you believe in and do not be pressured by
others. 'ee our section on Assertiveness for lots more information about becomin" more
assertive.
(%rove%ents +ill *o%e in )%all )tes
(t is diffi&ult to go fro% oor self.estee% to ositive self.estee% overnight. Instead you ill
find you make small improvements over a period of time. =ry and stay in touch ith ho you
feel durin" the day. Jo you feel "ood about yourself? Why is that? If you feel lo and you sense
ne"ative thou"hts runnin" throu"h your mind, ask yourself hy this is the case. Dalf the battle to
con1uerin" poor self-esteem is to identify hen and hy you feel a certain ay. If you find
exercise is a bi" mood booster you can build more of it into your day. If you find you feel lo if
you are on your on, you can make plans to "et out and about more often.
-uilding )elf.*onfiden&e
Prearing 5ourself for )u&&ess;
8rom the 1uietly confident doctor hose advice e rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an
inspirin" speaker, self-confident people have 1ualities that everyone admires.
'elf-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people
stru""le to find it. 'adly, this can be a vicious circleC *eople ho lack self-confidence can find it
difficult to become successful.
After all, most people are reluctant to back a pro4ect thatHs bein" pitched by someone ho as
nervous, fumblin", and overly apolo"etic.
+n the other hand, you mi"ht be persuaded by someone ho speaks clearly, ho holds his or her
head hi"h, ho ansers 1uestions assuredly, and ho readily admits hen he or she does not
kno somethin".
'elf-confident people inspire confidence in othersC their audience, their peers, their bosses, their
customers, and their friends. And "ainin" the confidence of others is one of the key ays in
hich a self-confident person finds success.
=he "ood nes is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, hether you#re
orkin" on your on self-confidence or buildin" the confidence of people around you, it#s ell-
orth the effort>
,ow *onfident do you )ee% to Others0
$our level of self-confidence can sho in many aysC your behavior, your body lan"ua"e, ho
you speak, hat you say, and so on. )ook at the folloin" comparisons of common confident
behavior ith behavior associated ith lo self-confidence. Which thou"hts or actions do you
reco"ni!e in yourself and people around you?
)elf.*onfident !ow )elf.*onfiden&e
Join" hat you believe to be ri"ht, even if others
mock or critici!e you for it.
@overnin" your behavior based on hat
other people think.
Bein" illin" to take risks and "o the extra mile to
achieve better thin"s.
'tayin" in your comfort !one, fearin"
failure, and so avoid takin" risks.
Admittin" your mistakes, and learnin" from them.
Workin" hard to cover up mistakes and
hopin" that you can fix the problem before
anyone notices.
Waitin" for others to con"ratulate you on your
accomplishments.
?xtollin" your on virtues as often as
possible to as many people as possible.
Acceptin" compliments "raciously. 2=hanks, I really
orked hard on that prospectus. I#m pleased you
reco"ni!e my efforts.3
Jismissin" compliments offhandedly. 2+h
that prospectus as nothin" really, anyone
could have done it.3
As you can see from these examples, lo self-confidence can be self-destructive, and it often
manifests itself as ne"ativity. 'elf-confident people are "enerally more positive L they believe in
themselves and their abilities, and they also believe in livin" life to the full.
+hat is )elf.*onfiden&e0
=o main thin"s contribute to self-confidenceC self-efficacy and self-esteem.
We "ain a sense of self.effi&a&y hen e see ourselves %and others similar to ourselves&
masterin" skills and achievin" "oals that matter in those skill areas. =his is the confidence that, if
e learn and ork hard in a particular area, eHll succeedI and itHs this type of confidence that
leads people to accept difficult challen"es, and persist in the face of setbacks.
=his overlaps ith the idea of self-esteem , hich is a more "eneral sense that e can cope ith
hatHs "oin" on in our lives, and that e have a ri"ht to be happy. *artly, this comes from a
feelin" that the people around us approve of us, hich e may or may not be able to control.
Doever, it also comes from the sense that e are behavin" virtuously, that eHre competent at
hat e do, and that e can compete successfully hen e put our minds to it.
'ome people believe that self-confidence can be built ith affirmations and positive thinkin" .
At Mind =ools, e believe that thereHs some truth in this, but that itHs 4ust as important to build
self-confidence by settin" and achievin" "oals L thereby building &o%eten&e. Without this
underlyin" competence, you donHt have self-confidenceC you have shallo over-confidence, ith
all of the issues, upset and failure that this brin"s.
-uilding )elf.*onfiden&e
'o ho do you build this sense of balanced self-confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of
reality?
=he bad nes is that there#s no 1uick fix, or five-minute solution.
=he "ood nes is that buildin" self-confidence is readily achievable, 4ust as lon" as you have the
focus and determination to carry thin"s throu"h. And hat#s even better is that the thin"s you#ll
do to build self-confidence ill also build success L after all, your confidence ill come from
real, solid achievement. Eo-one can take this aay from you>
'o here are our three steps to self-confidence, for hich e#ll use the metaphor of a 4ourneyC
preparin" for your 4ourneyI settin" outI and acceleratin" toards success.
)te <7 Prearing for 5our =ourney
=he first step involves "ettin" yourself ready for your 4ourney to self-confidence. $ou need to
take stock of here you are, think about here you ant to "o, "et yourself in the ri"ht mindset
for your 4ourney, and commit yourself to startin" it and stayin" ith it.
In preparin" for your 4ourney, do these five thin"sC
!ook at +hat 5ou8ve Already A&hieved
=hink about your life so far, and list the ten best thin"s youHve achieved in an FAchievement
)o".F *erhaps you came top in an important test or exam, played a key role in an important team,
produced the best sales fi"ures in a period, did somethin" that made a key difference in someone
else#s life, or delivered a pro4ect that meant a lot for your business.
*ut these into a smartly formatted document, hich you can look at often. And then spend a fe
minutes each eek en4oyin" the success you#ve already had>
$hink About 5our )trengths
Eext, use a techni1ue like 'W+= Analysis to take a look at ho and here you are. )ookin" at
your Achievement )o", and reflectin" on your recent life, think about hat your friends ould
consider to be your stren"ths and eaknesses. 8rom these, think about the opportunities and
threats you face.
Make sure that you en4oy a fe minutes reflectin" on your stren"ths>
$hink About +hat8s (%ortant to 5ou1 and +here you +ant to Go
Eext, think about the thin"s that are really important to you, and hat you ant to achieve ith
your life.
'ettin" and achievin" "oals is a key part of this, and real self-confidence comes from this. @oal
settin" is the process you use to set yourself tar"ets, and measure your successful hittin" of those
tar"ets. 'ee our article on "oal settin" to find out ho to use this important techni1ue, or use
our )ife *lan Workbook to think throu"h your on "oals in detail %see the F=ipF belo&.
Inform your "oal settin" ith your 'W+= Analysis. 'et "oals that exploit your stren"ths,
minimi!e your eaknesses, reali!e your opportunities, and control the threats you face.
And havin" set the ma4or "oals in your life, identify the first step in each. Make sure it#s a very
small step, perhaps takin" no more than an hour to complete>
)tart /anaging 5our /ind
At this sta"e, you need to start mana"in" your mind. )earn to pick up and defeat the ne"ative
self-talk hich can destroy your confidence. 'ee our article on rational positive thinkin" to find
out ho to do this.
8urther useful readin" includes our article on ima"ery L this teaches you ho to use and create
stron" mental ima"es of hat youHll feel and experience as you achieve your ma4or "oals L
there#s somethin" about doin" this that makes even ma4or "oals seem achievable>
And $hen *o%%it 5ourself to )u&&ess;
=he final part of preparin" for the 4ourney is to make a clear and une1uivocal promise to yourself
that you are absolutely committed to your 4ourney, and that you ill do all in your poer to
achieve it.
If as you#re doin" it, you find doubts startin" to surface, rite them don and challen"e them
calmly and rationally. If they dissolve under scrutiny, that#s "reat. Doever if they are based on
"enuine risks, make sure you set additional "oals to mana"e these appropriately. 8or help ith
evaluatin" and mana"in" the risks you face, read our -isk Analysis and Mana"ement article.
?ither ay, make that promise>
$i7
'elf-confidence is about balance. At one extreme, e have people ith lo self-confidence. At
the other end, e have people ho may be over-confident.
If you are under-confident, you#ll avoid takin" risks and stretchin" yourselfI and you mi"ht not
try at all. And if you#re over-confident, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond
your capabilities, and crash badly. $ou may also find that you#re so optimistic that you don#t try
hard enou"h to truly succeed.
@ettin" this ri"ht is a matter of havin" the ri"ht amount of confidence, founded in reality and on
your true ability. With the ri"ht amount of self-confidence, you ill take informed risks, stretch
yourself %but not beyond your abilities& and try hard.
'o Do 'elf Bonfident Are $ou? =ake our short 1ui! to find out ho self-confident you are
already, and start lookin" at specific strate"ies to improve your confidence level.
)te >7 )etting Out
=his is here you start, ever so sloly, movin" toards your "oal. By doin" the ri"ht thin"s, and
startin" ith small, easy ins, you#ll put yourself on the path to success L and start buildin" the
self-confidence that comes ith this.
-uild the 2nowledge you :eed to )u&&eed
)ookin" at your "oals, identify the skills you#ll need to achieve them. And then look at ho you
can ac1uire these skills confidently and ell. Jon#t 4ust accept a sketchy, 4ust-"ood-enou"h
solution L look for a solution, a pro"ram or a course that fully e1uips you to achieve hat you
ant to achieve and, ideally, "ives you a certificate or 1ualification you can be proud of.
3o&us on the -asi&s
When you#re startin", don#t try to do anythin" clever or elaborate. And don#t reach for perfection
L 4ust en4oy doin" simple thin"s successfully and ell.
)et )%all Goals1 and A&hieve $he%
'tartin" ith the very small "oals you identified in step (, "et in the habit of settin" them,
achievin" them, and celebratin" that achievement. Jon#t make "oals particularly challen"in" at
this sta"e, 4ust "et into the habit of achievin" them and celebratin" them. And, little by little, start
pilin" up the successes>
2ee /anaging 5our /ind
'tay on top of that positive thinkin", keep celebratin" and en4oyin" success, and keep those
mental ima"es stron". $ou can also use a techni1ue like =reasure Mappin" to make your
visuali!ations even stron"er>
And on the other side, learn to handle failure. Accept that mistakes happen hen you#re tryin"
somethin" ne. In fact, if you "et into the habit of treatin" mistakes as learnin" experiences, you
can %almost& start to see them in a positive li"ht. After all, there#s a lot to be said for the sayin"
2if it doesn#t kill you, it makes you stron"er>3
)te ?7 A&&elerating $owards )u&&ess
By this sta"e, you#ll feel your self-confidence buildin". $ou#ll have completed some of the
courses you started in step ,, and you#ll have plenty of success to celebrate>
=his is the time to start stretchin" yourself. Make the "oals a bit bi""er, and the challen"es a bit
tou"her. Increase the si!e of your commitment. And extend the skills you#ve proven into ne,
but closely related arenas.
$i <7
Geep yourself "rounded L this is here people tend to "et over-confident and over-stretch
themselves. And make sure you don#t start en4oyin" cleverness for its on sakeP
$i >7
If you havenHt already looked at it, use our Do 'elf Bonfident Are $ou? 1ui! to find out ho
self-confident you are, and to identify specific strate"ies for buildin" self-confidence.
As lon" as you keep on stretchin" yourself enou"h, but not too much, youHll find your self-
confidence buildin" apace. WhatHs more, youHll have earned your self-confidence L because
you#ll have put in the hard "raft necessary to be successful>
@oal settin" is ar"uably the most important skill you can learn to improve your self-confidence.
If you havenHt already read and applied our "oal settin" article, you can read it here .
2ey Points
'elf-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, and people ho lack
it can find it difficult to become successful.
=o main thin"s contribute to self-confidenceC self-efficacy and self-esteem. $ou can develop
self-confidence ith these three stepsC
(. *repare for your 4ourney.
,. 'et out on your 4ourney.
/. Accelerate toards success.
@oal settin" is probably the most important activity that you can learn in order to improve your
self-confidence.
(< Ways to Instantly Build 'elf Bonfidence
'elf confidence is the difference beteen feelin" unstoppable and feelin" scared out of your
its. $our perception of yourself has an enormous impact on ho others perceive you.
*erception is reality A the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you#ll succeed.
Althou"h many of the factors affectin" self confidence are beyond your control, there are a
number of thin"s you can consciously do to build self confidence. By usin" these (< strate"ies
you can "et the mental ed"e you need to reach your potential.
-uild )elf *onfiden&e
<. Dress )har
Althou"h clothes don#t make the man, they certainly affect the ay he feels about himself. Eo
one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don#t look "ood, it
chan"es the ay you carry yourself and interact ith other people. 9se this to your advanta"e by
takin" care of your personal appearance. In most cases, si"nificant improvements can be made
by bathin" and shavin" fre1uently, earin" clean clothes, and bein" co"ni!ant of the latest
styles.
=his doesn#t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. +ne "reat rule to follo is 2spend tice as
much, buy half as much3. -ather than buyin" a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select,
hi"h 1uality items. In lon" run this decreases spendin" because expensive clothes ear out less
easily and stay in style lon"er than cheap clothes. Buyin" less also helps reduce the clutter in
your closet.
>. +alk 3aster
+ne of the easiest ays to tell ho a person feels about herself is to examine her alk. Is it
slo? tired? painful? +r is it ener"etic and purposeful? *eople ith confidence alk 1uickly.
=hey have places to "o, people to see, and important ork to do. ?ven if you aren#t in a hurry,
you can increase your self confidence by puttin" some pep in your step. Walkin" ,5Q faster ill
make to you look and feel more important.
?. Good Posture
'imilarly, the ay a person carries herself tells a story. *eople ith slumped shoulders and
lethar"ic movements display a lack of self confidence. =hey aren#t enthusiastic about hat
they#re doin" and they don#t consider themselves important. By practicin" "ood posture, you#ll
automatically feel more confident. 'tand up strai"ht, keep your head up, and make eye contact.
$ou#ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empoered.
@. Personal *o%%er&ial
+ne of the best ays to build confidence is listenin" to a motivational speech. 9nfortunately,
opportunities to listen to a "reat speaker are fe and far beteen. $ou can fill this need by
creatin" a personal commercial. Write a /<-6< second speech that hi"hli"hts your stren"ths and
"oals. =hen recite it in front of the mirror aloud %or inside your head if you prefer& henever you
need a confidence boost.
A. Gratitude
When you focus too much on hat you ant, the mind creates reasons hy you can#t have it.
=his leads you to dell on your eaknesses. =he best ay to avoid this is consciously focusin"
on "ratitude. 'et aside time each day to mentally list everythin" you have to be "rateful for.
-ecall your past successes, uni1ue skills, lovin" relationships, and positive momentum. $ou#ll
be ama!ed ho much you have "oin" for you and motivated to take that next step toards
success.
B. *o%li%ent other eole
When e think ne"atively about ourselves, e often pro4ect that feelin" on to others in the form
of insults and "ossip. =o break this cycle of ne"ativity, "et in the habit of praisin" other people.
-efuse to en"a"e in backstabbin" "ossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In
the process, you#ll become ell liked and build self confidence. By lookin" for the best in others,
you indirectly brin" out the best in yourself.
C. )it in the front row
In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the orld, people constantly strive to sit at the
back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they#re afraid of bein" noticed. =his
reflects a lack of self confidence. By decidin" to sit in the front ro, you can "et over this
irrational fear and build your self confidence. $ou#ll also be more visible to the important people
talkin" from the front of the room.
D. )eak u
Jurin" "roup discussions many people never speak up because they#re afraid that people ill
4ud"e them for sayin" somethin" stupid. =his fear isn#t really 4ustified. @enerally, people are
much more acceptin" than e ima"ine. In fact most people are dealin" ith the exact same fears.
By makin" an effort to speak up at least once in every "roup discussion, you#ll become a better
public speaker, more confident in your on thou"hts, and reco"ni!ed as a leader by your peers.
E. +ork out
Alon" the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a hu"e effect on self
confidence. If you#re out of shape, you#ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less ener"etic. By
orkin" out, you improve your physcial appearance, ener"i!e yourself, and accomplish
somethin" positive. Davin" the discipline to ork out not only makes you feel better, it creates
positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.
<F. 3o&us on &ontribution
=oo often e "et cau"ht up in our on desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enou"h
on the needs of other people. If you stop thinkin" about yourself and concentrate on the
contribution you#re makin" to the rest of the orld, you on#t orry as much about you on
flas. =his ill increase self confidence and allo you to contribute ith maximum efficiency.
=he more you contribute to the orld the more you#ll be rearded ith personal success and
reco"nition.
>A 2iller A&tions to -oost 5our )elf.*onfiden&e
+ne of the thin"s that held me back from pursuin" my dreams for many years as fear of failure
P and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear.
It#s somethin" e all face, to some de"ree, I think. =he key 1uestionC ho do you overcome that
fear?
By orkin" on your self-confidence and self-esteem. Without really thinkin" of it in those terms,
that#s hat I#ve been doin" over the years, and that#s hat helped me finally overcome my fears,
and finally pursue my dreams.
I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But no I kno that I can beat them, that I can break
throu"h that all of fear and come out on the other side. I#ve done it many times no, and that
success ill fuel further success.
=his post as inspired by reader Eick from 8inland, ho asked for an article about self-orth
and self-confidenceC
Many of the thin"s you propose make people feel better about themselves and actually help
buildin" self-confidence. Doever, I ould be interested on readin" your input in "eneral on this
topic. =akin" time out for your on plans and dreams, doin" thin"s another ay than most other
people and "enerally not necessarily 2fittin" in3 can be 1uite hard ith a lo self-confidence.
=ruer ords have never been spoken. It#s near impossible to make time for your dreams, to break
free from the traditional mold, and to truly be yourself, if you have lo self-esteem and self-
confidence.
As an aside, I kno that some people make a stron" distinction beteen self-esteem and self-
confidence. In this article, I use them interchan"eably, even if there is a subtle but perhaps
important difference P the difference bein" hether you believe you#re orthy of respect from
others %self-esteem& and hether you believe in yourself %self-confidence&. In the end, both
amount to the same thin", and in the end, the actions I mention belo "ive a boost to both self-
esteem and self-confidence.
$aking &ontrol of your self.&onfiden&e
If you are lo in self-confidence, is it possible to do thin"s that ill chan"e that? Is your self-
confidence in your control?
While it may not seem so, if you are lo in self-confidence, I stron"ly believe that you can do
thin"s to increase your self-confidence. It is not "enetic, and you do not have to be reliant on
others to increase your self-confidence. And if you believe that you are not very competent, not
very smart, not very attractive, etc. P that can be chan"ed.
$ou can become someone orthy of respect, and someone ho can pursue hat he ants
despite the naysayin" of others.
$ou can do this by takin" control of your life, and takin" control of your self-confidence. By
takin" concrete actions that improve your competence, your self-ima"e, you can increase that
self-confidence, ithout the help of anyone else.
Belo, I outline ,5 thin"s that ill help you do that. Eone of them is revolutionary, none of
them ill do it all by themselves. =he list certainly isn#t comprehensive. =hese are 4ust some of
my favorite thin"s, stuff that#s orked for me.
And you don#t need to do all of them, as if this ere a recipe P pick and choose those that
appeal to you, maybe 4ust a couple at first, and "ive them a try. If they ork, try others. If they
don#t, try others.
Dere they are, in no particular orderC
<. Groo% yourself. =his seems like such an obvious one, but it#s ama!in" ho much of a
difference a shoer and a shave can make in your feelin"s of self-confidence and for your self-
ima"e. =here have been days hen I turned my mood around completely ith this one little
thin".
>. Dress ni&ely. A corollary of the first item above P if you dress nicely, you#ll feel "ood about
yourself. $ou#ll feel successful and presentable and ready to tackle the orld. Eo, dressin"
nicely means somethin" different for everyone P it doesn#t necessarily mean earin" a R5<<
outfit, but could mean casual clothes that are nice lookin" and presentable.
?. Photosho your self.i%age. +ur self-ima"e means so much to us, more than e often reali!e.
We have a mental picture of ourselves, and it determines ho confident e are in ourselves. But
this picture isn#t fixed and immutable. $ou can chan"e it. 9se your mental *hotoshoppin" skills,
and ork on your self-ima"e. If it#s not a very "ood one, chan"e it. 8i"ure out hy you see
yourself that ay, and find a ay to fix it.
@. $hink ositive. +ne of the thin"s I learned hen I started runnin", about to years a"o, hat
ho to replace ne"ative thou"hts %see next item& ith positive ones. Do I can actually chan"e
my thou"hts, and by doin" so make "reat thin"s happened. With this tiny little skill, I as able to
train for and run a marathon ithin a year. It sounds so trite, so Eorman Kincent *eale, but my
"oodness this orks. 'eriously. =ry it if you haven#t.
A. 2ill negative thoughts. @oes hand-in-hand ith the above item, but it#s so important that I
made it a separate item. $ou have to learn to be aare of your self-talk, the thou"hts you have
about yourself and hat you#re doin". When I as runnin", sometimes my mind ould start to
say, 2=his is too hard. I ant to stop and "o atch =K.3 Well, I soon learned to reco"ni!e this
ne"ative self-talk, and soon I learned a trick that chan"ed everythin" in my lifeC I ould ima"ine
that a ne"ative thou"ht as a bu", and I ould vi"ilantly be on the lookout for these bu"s. When
I cau"ht one, I ould stomp on it %mentally of course& and s1uash it. Gill it dead. =hen replace it
ith a positive one. %2B#mon, I can do this> +nly one mile left>3&
Gno yourself and you ill in all battles. L )un $Gu
B. Get to know yourself. When "oin" into battle, the isest "eneral learns to kno his enemy
very, very ell. $ou can#t defeat the enemy ithout knoin" him. And hen you#re tryin" to
overcome a ne"ative self-ima"e and replace it ith self-confidence, your enemy is yourself. @et
to kno yourself ell. 'tart listenin" to your thou"hts. 'tart ritin" a 4ournal about yourself, and
about the thou"hts you have about yourself, and analy!in" hy you have such ne"ative thou"hts.
And then think about the "ood thin"s about yourself, the thin"s you can do ell, the thin"s you
like. 'tart thinkin" about your limitations, and hether they#re real limitations or 4ust ones
you#ve alloed to be placed there, artificially. Ji" deep ithin yourself, and you#ll come out
%eventually& ith even "reater self-confidence.
C. A&t ositive. More than 4ust thinkin" positive, you have to put it into action. Action, actually,
is the key to developin" self-confidence. It#s one thin" to learn to think positive, but hen you
start actin" on it, you chan"e yourself, one action at a time. $ou are hat you do, and so if you
chan"e hat you do, you chan"e hat you are. Act in a positive ay, take action instead of
tellin" yourself you can#t, be positive. =alk to people in a positive ay, put ener"y into your
actions. $ou#ll soon start to notice a difference.
D. -e kind and generous. +h, so corny. If this is too corny for you, move on. But for the rest of
you, kno that bein" kind to others, and "enerous ith yourself and your time and hat you
have, is a tremendous ay to improve your self-ima"e. $ou act in accordance ith the @olden
-ule, and you start to feel "ood about yourself, and to think that you are a "ood person. It does
onders for your self-confidence, believe me.
+ne important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation. L
Arthur Ashe
E. Get reared. It#s hard to be confident in yourself if you don#t think you#ll do ell at
somethin". Beat that feelin" by preparin" yourself as much as possible. =hink about takin" an
examC if you haven#t studied, you on#t have much confidence in your abilities to do ell on the
exam. But if you studied your butt off, you#re prepared, and you#ll be much more confident.
Eo think of life as your exam, and prepare yourself.
<F. 2now your rin&iles and live the%. What are the principles upon hich your life is built?
If you don#t kno, you ill have trouble, because your life ill feel directionless. 8or myself, I
try to live the @olden -ule %and fail often&. =his is my key principle, and I try to live my life in
accordance ith it. I have others, but they are mostly in some ay related to this rule %the ma4or
exception bein" to 2)ive my *assion3&. =hink about your principles P you mi"ht have them but
perhaps you haven#t "iven them much thou"ht. Eo think about hether you actually live these
principles, or if you 4ust believe in them but don#t act on them.
<<. )eak slowly. 'uch a simple thin", but it can have a bi" difference in ho others perceive
you. A person in authority, ith authority, speaks sloly. It shos confidence. A person ho
feels that he isn#t orth listenin" to ill speak 1uickly, because he doesn#t ant to keep others
aitin" on somethin" not orthy of listenin" to. ?ven if you don#t feel the confidence of
someone ho speaks sloly, try doin" it a fe times. It ill make you feel more confident. +f
course, don#t take it to an extreme, but 4ust don#t sound rushed either.
<>. )tand tall. I have horrible posture, so it ill sound hypocritical for me to "ive this advice,
but I kno it orks because I try it often. When I remind myself to stand tall and strai"ht, I feel
better about myself. I ima"ine that a rope is pullin" the top of my head toard the sky, and the
rest of my body strai"htens accordin"ly. As an aside, people ho stand tall and confident are
more attractive. =hat#s a "ood thin" any day, in my book.
<?. (n&rease &o%eten&e. Do do you feel more competent? By becomin" more competent.
And ho do you do that? By studyin" and practicin". Oust do small bits at a time. If you ant to
be a more competent riter, for example, don#t try to tackle the entire profession of ritin" all at
once. Oust be"in to rite more. Oournal, blo", rite short stories, do some freelance ritin". =he
more you rite, the better you#ll be. 'et aside /< minutes a day to rite %for example&, and the
practice ill increase your competence.
<@. )et a s%all goal and a&hieve it. *eople often make the mistake of shootin" for the moon,
and then hen they fail, they "et discoura"ed. Instead, shoot for somethin" much more
achievable. 'et a "oal you know you can achieve, and then achieve it. $ou#ll feel "ood about
that. Eo set another small "oal and achieve that. =he more you achieve small "oals, the better
you#ll be at it, and the better you#ll feel. 'oon you#ll be settin" bi""er %but still achievable& "oals
and achievin" those too.
<A. *hange a s%all habit. Eot a bi" one, like 1uittin" smokin". Oust a small one, like ritin"
thin"s don. +r akin" up (< minutes earlier. +r drinkin" a "lass of ater hen you ake up.
'omethin" small that you kno you can do. Jo it for a month. When you#ve accomplished it,
you#ll feel like a million bucks.
<B. 3o&us on solutions. If you are a complainer, or focus on problems, chan"e your focus no.
8ocusin" on solutions instead of problems is one of the best thin"s you can do for your
confidence and your career. 2I#m fat and la!y>3 'o ho can you solve that? 2But I can#t motivate
myself>3 'o ho can you solve that? 2But I have no ener"y>3 'o hat#s the solution?
<C. )%ile. Another trite one. But it orks. I feel instantly better hen I smile, and it helps me to
be kinder to others as ell. A little tiny thin" that can have a chain reaction. Eot a bad
investment of your time and ener"y.
<D. 4olunteer. -elated to the 2be kind and "enerous3 item above, but more specific. It#s the
holiday season ri"ht no P can you find the time to volunteer for a "ood cause, to spread some
holiday cheer, to make the lives of others better? It#ll be some of the best time you#ve ever spent,
and an ama!in" side benefit is that you#ll feel better about yourself, instantly.
<E. -e grateful. I#m a firm believer in "ratitude, as anyone ho#s been readin" this blo" for very
lon" knos ell. But I put it here because hile bein" "rateful for hat you have in life, for
hat others have "iven you, is a very humblin" activity P it can also be a very positive and
reardin" activity that ill improve your self-ima"e. -ead more.
>F. Exer&ise. @osh, I seem to put this one on almost every list. But if I left it off this list I ould
be doin" you a disservice. ?xercise has been one of my most empoerin" activities in the last
couple years, and it has made me feel so much better about myself.
All you have to do is take a alk a fe times a eek, and you#ll see benefits. 'tart the habit.
><. E%ower yourself with knowledge. ?mpoerin" yourself, in "eneral, is one of the best
strate"ies for buildin" self-confidence. $ou can do that in many ays, but one of the surest ays
to empoer yourself is throu"h knoled"e. =his is alon" the same vein as buildin" competence
and "ettin" prepared P by becomin" more knoled"eable, you#ll be more confident P and you
become more knoled"eable by doin" research and studyin". =he Internet is a "reat tool, of
course, but so are the people around you, people ho have done hat you ant, books,
ma"a!ines, and educational institutions.
>>. Do so%ething youve been ro&rastinating on. What#s on your to-do list that#s been sittin"
there? Jo it first thin" in the mornin", and "et it out of the ay. $ou#ll feel "reat about yourself.
>?. Get a&tive. Join" somethin" is almost alays better than not doin" anythin". +f course,
doin" somethin" could lead to mistakes P but mistakes are a part of life. It#s ho e learn.
Without mistakes, e#d never "et better. 'o don#t orry about those. Oust do somethin". @et off
your butt and "et active A physically, or active by takin" steps to accomplish somethin".
>@. +ork on s%all things. =ryin" to take on a hu"e pro4ect or task can be overhelmin" and
dauntin" and intimidatin" for anyone, even the best of us. Instead, learn to break off small
chunks and ork in bursts. 'mall little achievements make you feel "ood, and they add up to bi"
achievements. )earn to ork like this all the time, and soon you#ll be a self-confident maniac.
>A. *lear your desk. =his mi"ht seem like a small, simple thin" %then a"ain, for some of you it
mi"ht not be so small&. But it has alays orked onders for me. If my desk starts to "et messy,
and the orld around me is in chaos, clearin" off my desk is my ay of "ettin" a little piece of
my life under control. It is the calm in the center of the storm around me. Dere#s ho.
'omeho I can#t believe that there are any hei"hts that can#t be scaled by a man ho knos the
secrets of makin" dreams come true. =his special secret, it seems to me, can be summari!ed in
four B s. =hey are curiosity, confidence, coura"e, and constancy, and the "reatest of all is
confidence. When you believe in a thin", believe in it all the ay, implicitly and un1uestionable.
L +alt Disney
? $e&hniques to -oost 5our *onfiden&e
=he ay e feel about ourselves "reatly influences ho e live.
8or instance, if you#re self-confident, you probably spend time ith and connect ith others. If
you#re dronin" in self-doubt, you mi"ht ithdra and isolate yourself.
$ou also mi"ht hyper-focus on your flas and avoid "oin" after a promotion. $ou convince
yourself you#re simply not 1ualified or "ood enou"h.
If you#re self-confident, hoever, instead of dellin" on your supposed deficiencies, you mi"ht
use that ener"y to pursue the hi"her-level position, prepare for it and possibly "et it. If you don#t,
you simply move on to the next opportunity.
'elf-confidence 2helps us en"a"e fully ith life,3 said Mary Welford, JBlin*sy, a clinical
psycholo"ist in the 'outh West of ?n"land and author of the ne book 'he -ower of *elf.
/ompassion0 )sing /ompassion.1ocused 'herapy 'o 2nd *elf./riticism and (uild *elf.
/onfidence.
It also helps us reali!e that 2e ill be +G re"ardless of the ups and dons e have in life.3
+ne poerful ay to build confidence is by practicin" self-compassion. 2'elf-compassion means
e have our on best interests at heart,3 Welford said. 2We learn to support ourselves in the
same ay that e ould support a friend or relative.3
But this mi"ht sound utterly impossible to you, especially if you#re more used to beatin" yourself
up. Many of us treat ourselves like the enemy. We re"ularly 4ud"e, critici!e and condemn
ourselves.
8ortunately, self-compassion can be learned. Dere#s ho.
)elf.*o%assionate $e&hniques
=here are many exercises for practicin" self-compassion. 2We are all different and hat is
important is to find somethin" that orks for you,3 Welford said. Dere are several techni1ues to
try.
<. +rite a &o%assionate letter to yourself.
When doin" this exercise, Welford shares several "uidelines in her book, includin"C Kalidate
your feelin"s and the reasons you#re stru""lin"I remember that millions of people stru""le ith
their self-confidenceI remember that everyone stru""les, in "eneral %it simply means bein"
human&I and try to be understandin", acceptin" and non4ud"mental.
Write a supportive letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate person %someone
ho has your best interests and ell-bein" at heart&. $ou can start the letter ith this sentenceC 2I
am sorry that you are havin" a difficult time at the moment and are stru""lin" to build your self-
confidence.3
Another option is to 2rite a letter to yourself from an older, iser, compassionate you. What
ould you say to yourself no, and hat ould a compassionate future look like?3 Welford
rites.
>. 3o&us on your well.being.
8or Welford this exercise is most helpful. 8irst, she en"a"es in 2soothin" breathin",3 an exercise
that 2aims to brin" calmness and a sense of inner armth and ell-bein" to the mind and body.3
Accordin" to Welford, it involvesC findin" a place that#s distraction-freeI sittin" in a relaxed 2yet
alert postureI3 and closin" your eyes or loerin" your "a!e. 2-ather than countin" your
inhalations and exhalations, let your body find a breathin" rhythm that is soothin" for it.3 When
your mind naturally anders, "ently brin" it back to your practice.
=hen Welford asks herselfC 2What can I do for myself today that ill make tomorro a better
day?3 8or instance, instead of mindlessly atchin" =K, she mi"ht "o for a alk or call a friend.
?. $ake a&tion.
As you build your self-confidence, hat are your "oals? What ould you like to ork on?
Welford has orked ith individuals ho#ve set such "oals asC meetin" ne people, speakin" in
public, askin" for help, stoppin" needless apolo"i!in", expressin" their emotions to others and
sayin" yes %or no&.
+nce you have your "oals, break them don into small, specific steps in increasin" difficulty.
Eext, brainstorm ho you can prepare for the situation, such as practicin" soothin" breathin"
and ritin" a compassionate letter to yourselfI the obstacles that mi"ht come upI and ho you#ll
navi"ate those obstacles.
Also, include thin"s that mi"ht be helpful for you to keep in mind before, durin" and after the
situation. 8or instance, Welford "ives this example in the bookC 2=his is "oin" to help me learn
about myselfI hichever ay it "oes, it ill help me develop my self-confidence because I ill
kno more at the end of it.3
-emember to pick "oals that are beneficial for you, not "oals that you should or have to do,
Welford rites.
'elf-compassion 2"ives us the coura"e and stren"th to build our self-confidence,3 she said. It
also supports, encoura"es and empoers us to do hat#s in our best interests. In her book
Welford tells the story of Delen, a oman ho#d been stru""lin" ith a"oraphobia for over (<
years.
PJevelopin" self-compassion did not involve her sayin" 'here, there, never mind to herself and
then surfin" the Eet to buy lots of lovely thin"s to compensate. Jevelopin" self-compassion in
Delen#s case meant armly acknoled"in" that, in her on best interest, thin"s needed to
chan"e. 'elf-compassion then involved her takin" coura"eous steps to build her self-confidence
until, despite feelin" intense fear, she eventually opened her front door and stepped out onto the
street. 'elf-compassion for her meant that she reassured herself hen thin"s ent ron",
reco"ni!ed the difficult steps she as takin", and then coura"eously continued toard her "oal.
@ive yourself the opportunity to practice self-compassion. And hen doubts arise, read this.
What do you have to lose?
A )elf.)abotaging $houghts About )elf.
*o%assion
Many of us have a hard time practicin" self-compassion because of the ne"ative thou"hts
sirlin" in our heads. I used to think everythin" from I dont deserve compassion to I need to
shame myself instead to I should prepare myself for reality (i.e., negative things!.
All of these types of thou"hts are simply the scared ords of an inner critic, ho#s orried e#re
pullin" aay, ho#s desperately tryin" to hold on to the ne"ativity and darkness.
'elf-compassion threatens all of that %the muck, the misery, the shame&. And, of course, that#s a
"reat thin".
In her book 'he -ower of *elf./ompassion0 )sing /ompassion.1ocused 'herapy to 2nd *elf.
/riticism and (uild *elf./onfidence, clinical psycholo"ist Mary Welford, JBlin*sy, defines
self-compassion as 2sensitivity to the pain A be it psycholo"ical or physical A that e may
experience, plus a motivation and "enuine commitment to relieve it.3
'elf-compassion involves encoura"in" and supportin" ourselves, and sometimes, even pushin"
ourselves %hen it#s in our best interests&, Welford rites. It#s about reco"ni!in" that e#re
stru""lin" and committin" to improvin" thin"s.
In her helpful book, Welford reveals the truth behind (< thou"hts that interfere ith practicin"
self-compassion. Dere are five thou"hts that I#ve run across A alon" ith Welford#s ise ords
on relin1uishin" these ruminations.
<. )elf.sabotaging thought7 )elf.&o%assion is selfish.
=o the contrary, self-compassion actually helps you be more compassionate and more helpful to
others. Welford rites, 2Davin" become more self-compassionate, people often report havin"
"reater stren"th to deal ith conflicts and to become better friends, parents, and collea"ues. )ack
of self-compassion, by contrast, means that e are more likely to become immobili!ed or
consumed by our on difficulties and therefore less able to help others.3
>. )elf.sabotaging thought7 /y needs arent as i%ortant as so%eone elses.
Many of us think that other people#s needs trump our on. But here#s hat happens hen e
ne"lect our needs %includin" the need for self-compassion&C e become depleted and even feel
an"ry, resentful and taken for "ranted.
*lus, remember that here#s no harm in tryin" out self-compassion. As Welford rites, 2If you
still think that the needs of others are more important than your on, start practicin" self-
compassion for the sake of others. $ou can alays revert back to your old ays if you find it
doesn#t help.3
?. )elf.sabotaging thought7 )elf.&o%assion is weak.
'elf-compassion is actually coura"eous. Accordin" to Welford, 2It involves facin" our
difficulties and experiencin" a ran"e of emotions that are uncomfortable.3 %$es, it does. 'elf-
compassion is about identifyin", acknoled"in" and expressin" our emotions 2instead of
bottlin" them up.3&
It also involves 2the commitment to chan"e ourselves, hich re1uires coura"e and stren"th.3
8or instance, bein" self-compassionate mi"ht mean standin" up for yourself, even thou"h you#re
oh-so used to remainin" 1uiet. It also mi"ht mean lettin" people see the real you.
@. )elf.sabotaging thought7 )elf.&o%assion sets us u for falls or failure.
=here#s a common fear that if you don#t expect the orst, you#re clearly not preparin" yourself
for somethin" bi" and terrible. As such, people orry about bein" in a positive mood or bein"
too relaxed. *eople also orry that positive feelin"s ill someho attract ne"ative ones.
I#m definitely one of those people.
But self-compassion is actually a helpful ay to prepare yourself for tou"h times. 'elf-
compassion, rites Welford, 2Pbuilds your ability to cope ith hard situations, and it#s throu"h
copin" ith setbacks that self-confidence in our ability to cope increases.3
And, a"ain, remind yourself that you#re simply "oin" to sample self-compassion. 2If fear of
fallin" "ets in the ay of your experiencin" positive feelin"s, it may be helpful 4ust to think, Ill
give it a go. I can always revert to my old ways.3
A. )elf.sabotaging thought7 )elf.&o%assion is too overwhel%ing.
When you#re so accustomed to bashin" yourself, self-compassion may certainly feel different
and difficult. And that#s +G.
$ou can start slo. Welford su""ests the folloin" ideasC 'tart "radually, like you ould if you
ere learnin" ho to sim %you#d start at the shallo end, and then sloly move into deeper
aters&. ?n"a"e in fun, healthy activities and experiences, such as han"in" out ith close
friends. If you think you need extra support, see a therapist.
*ultivating )elf.*o%assion
Dere#s a list of ho-to posts on practicin" self-compassionC
Bonnectin" to your self-compassion.
=he case for self-compassion.
'trate"ies for practicin" self-compassion.
*racticin" self-compassion hen you have a mental illness.
More exercises on self-compassion.
An exercise in self-compassionate parentin".
9sin" compassion to cope ith anxiety.
+hat stos you fro% ra&ti&ing self.&o%assion0 +hats heled you in ra&ti&ing self.
&o%assion0
B? +ays to -uild )elf.*onfiden&e
Bonfidence is a tool you can use in your everyday life to do all kinds of cool stuff, not least to
stop second-"uessin" yourself, mana"e your fears and become able to do more of the thin"s that
really matter to you.
But not many people realise that their self-confidence orks 4ust like a muscle L it "ros in
response to the level of performance re1uired of it. ?ither you use it or you lose it. =hat#s hy
I#ve "iven you 6/ ays to "ro your confidence so that you can become a "iant.
(. )earnin" is a @ood =hin", so si"n up for that evenin" class and en4oy it.
,. @et out of your on head by askin" your partner or best friend hat you can do for them
today.
/. Dit the "ym. =he physiolo"ical effects ill leave you feelin" "reat.
0. @o to a netorkin" event and focus on ho you can be helpful to other people rather than
bein" nervous about your on stuff.
5. @et crystal clear on the thin"s that truly matter to you. If they#re not in your life, you
need to brin" them in.
6. Write a list of the thin"s you#re toleratin" and puttin" up ith in your life, then rite
don ho you can remove, minimise or diminish each one.
7. )ook at a "reat in or success you#ve experienced and "ive yourself credit for your part
in it. -eco"nisin" your achievements is not e"otistical, it#s healthy.
:. Eext time you#re at a social event, don#t 4ust stick ith the people you kno L "o and
have a conversation ith someone you don#t kno and you never kno hat L or ho L
you#ll discover.
9. Eext time you talk yourself out of doin" somethin" %a party invite, a challen"in" pro4ect
or hatever else&, say MWhat the Dell# and "o do it anyay.
(<. Jo one thin" each day that makes you smile %on the inside or on the outside&.
((. )ook for the patterns of thou"ht that take you to a place here you start second-"uessin"
or over-thinkin". Eo ima"ine that your best friend ent throu"h exactly the same
thou"ht process and ended up holdin" themselves back L hat ould you ant to say to
them?
(,. Ask out that "irl or "uy you fancy the pants off %only if you#re sin"le, don#t ant to "et
you into trouble&.
(/. $ou have to keep your mind ell fed, so rite a list of ,< thin"s that keeps your mind
feelin" nourished and make sure you#re "ivin" them room in your life.
(0. 'top playin" different roles and s1uee!in" yourself into boxes based on hat you think
people expect you to act like.
(5. )earn to catch yourself every sin"le time you tell yourself that you can#t have, on#t "et
or aren#t "ood enou"h to "et hat you ant.
(6. =ake yourself off auto-pilot L make deliberate decisions on hat really matters to you.
(7. Eext time you come up a"ainst a risk or a challen"e, listen to hat you tell yourself and
look for a ay that that inner dialo" can be improved. Ask yourself, 2What would make
this easier?3
(:. 'cared of lookin" silly? $ou and everyone else. It#s no bi""ie so don#t let it stop you.
'ay it ith me L 2It 3ust doesnt matter.3
(;. Jon#t think for a second that you can#t be confident. =here are already loads of thin"s
you do ith natural self-confidence, you 4ust have to notice them and "et familiar ith
ho it feels. )ook for the thin"s you do here the 1uestion of hether you#re confident
enou"h never arises.
,<. )isten to your doubts but be ready to make deliberate decisions once you#ve heard them.
'ometimes your doubts are there to let you kno hat you need to prepare for, so you
can use them to your benefit as you move forards.
,(. =hink of a time hen it felt like a hole bank of sitches in your head flicked to the on
position and you ere firin" on all cylinders. What ere you doin" and hat#s the
reason it felt so "reat?
,,. $ou#ve "ot a hole bunch of out-dated rules that determine hat you do, don#t do,
should do and shouldn#t do. =hese rules limit your thinkin" and limit your behaviour.
=ear up your rule book and notice ho free you are to make "reat decisions.
,/. Jo you "et annoyed ith yourself because you didn#t make the most of somethin" or
stepped back form an opportunity? Jon#t beat yourself up because that#s 4ust "oin" to
make you feel orse. Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself hat you "ained from
the situation and hat you lost out on. Based on this inNlose balance, hat#s a different
choice you can make next time?
,0. If you#d already done everythin" in life you#d have no need to be scared. Jon#t ever
think that bein" scared means you#re not confident, it simply means you#re "oin"
somehere ne.
25. If there#s someone in your life ho puts you don or makes you feel small, you oe it to
yourself to let them kno that you expect somethin" different from no on. $ou deserve
better.
,6. 8lirt. It#s a harmless ay to play around ith connectin" ith people and havin" fun.
,7. -eveal a little bit of the real you in a relationship that mi"ht feel like it#s in a rut.
,:. Acknoled"e and elcome all of your experiences L the "ood stuff as ell as the bad
stuff. It#s all e1ually valid and hidin" thin"s aay because you don#t like them is 4ust
creatin" conflict.
,;. Alays reco"nise that you#re more than a match for any situation you mi"ht find yourself
in, no matter ho tou"h the "oin" "ets.
/<. Jon#t "et sept up in the drama of hat#s happenin" ri"ht no, look for more useful
ays of en"a"in" ith hat happens in your life.
/(. Jon#t automatically "ive in to the instant pay-off L it often means you#re sellin" yourself
short.
/,. When you feel like stampin" your foot and yellin" 2I deserve better than this43, take a
step back and say 2I can (2 better than this.3
//. Bonfidence sometimes means admittin" you#re ron" L alays be ready to hold your
hands up and chan"e your mind.
/0. =rust your instincts. =hey kno hat they#re talkin" about.
/5. 8ear is a ay of lettin" you kno that you#re about to stretch yourself and "ro your
confidence. =hat#s a "ood thin", so use it to take yourself forards rather than run aay.
/6. Ima"ine you#re visited by a successful, confident, attractive and vibrant version of you
from the future, a version of you ho#s everythin" you hope to be. What do they ant to
tell you?
/7. Jon#t feel like you have to do everythin" yourself L sometimes the most confident thin"
to do is ask for help.
/:. =ake a chance on somethin" tomorro. Anythin", bi" or small, 4ust take a chance.
/;. $ou need to be around people ho make you feel like $+9, so spend more time ith the
people ho support and encoura"e you and less ith those ho undermine you.
0<. 'top stru""lin" a"ainst the thin"s you don#t like in your life L create a con"ruent
environment around you that flos and allos you to be you.
0(. Eo man#s an island, and you need to be a part of the orld you around to feel confident.
What can you participate in that#s important to you?
0,. 8or"et the pro#s and con#s L do somethin" bold in the face of your challen"es and fears.
0/. Work on developin" the skills you need to in at the thin"s that matter to you. What can
you practice that ould radically improve your chances of innin"?
00. =he body is a mirror for the mind, so shiftin" your body into a confident state can have
surprisin" results.
05. Jon#t "et disheartened or demotivated hen you "et to ;<Q ith somethin" you#re
orkin" on L push throu"h and you#ll see that the last (<Q is here the ma"ic happens.
06. Geep comparin" yourself to others? 'top it, don#t try to validate yourself throu"h
comparison L you#re 4ust peachy as you are.
07. *ut your head above the parapet at ork and speak up if there#s somethin" you think
could be improved or if you have an idea you think has le"s.
0:. If there#s somethin" you#ve been stru""lin" to understand for a hile, stop tryin" to
understand it. Accept it 4ust as it is, fully and holly.
0;. 'hy ith ne people? Eot a problem, there#s nothin" ron" ith bein" shy and it
doesn#t mean you#re not confident. Oust don#t overthink it, start beatin" yourself up or
thinkin" you#re less than because you#re shy L the more you think like that the orse it
"ets.
5<. $our environment directly impacts your self-perception, so if you#re surrounded by
clutter, paperork and rubbish put a mornin" aside to clean up your stuff and "et
or"anised.
5(. Write yourself a list of the ama!in" thin"s you#d love to do in your life, and make a start
by simply lookin" into the first one or to thin"s that leap out at you.
5,. Jon#t make your happiness or self-orth dependent on bein" in a relationship or
bein" validated by someone else. 8ind your inherent value first, and your relationships
and confidence ill be immeasurably better.
5/. $our stren"ths can be used to overcome any of your eaknesses. We all have
eaknesses but they only undermine your confidence if you let them.
50. =he lon"er you leave that bi" thin" on your to-do list the more it#ll drain you and the
bi""er it#ll seem L "et it done and free yourself up.
55. What "olden threads, themes, patterns and passions have alays been in your life? If
those thin"s aren#t present in your life ri"ht no, you need to shift your priorities.
56. $our body ima"e does matter, because if you have a bad relationship ith your body you
on#t be feelin" confident in yourself. @et trim if you need to, 4ust make sure you "et
alon" ith your body.
57. Bein" confident is an on"oin" process. It isn#t a "oal or an end-point that you reach and
then stop. Geep playin" to the best of your ability and your confidence ill alays be
there to support you.
5:. =ry a ne path. =he ell-trodden paths of your life can easily turn from familiarity to
apathy and disconnection. A ne path akes you up.
5;. Jon#t say 2$es3 to takin" on a task simply because you don#t ant to rock the boat L you
can politely decline re1uests you can#t meet and don#t need to create an excuse for it.
6<. )ook at the people you respect ho seem confident L don#t copy them, but identify hat
it is they do differently that conveys confidence and hat you can learn from it.
6(. Make a plan to do somethin", then make deliberate choices to follo throu"h. 'eein"
pro"ress "ives you important self-reinforcement.
6,. When you feel yourself focusin" inards and becomin" paralysed ith doubt or fear,
sitch to focusin" outards at hat you can en"a"e and interact ith.
6/. 'till beatin" yourself up for failin" or screin" up? It mi"ht not be a barrel of lau"hs but
it#s not "oin" to help you "et throu"h it. Much better to reco"nise that everythin",
hether it turns out or not, is ho you practice livin" a rich life.
,ow to -uild )elf *onfiden&e7 B Essential
and $i%eless $is
+5ever bend your head. Always hold it high. 6ook the world straight in the face.,
,elen 2eller
+Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self.fulfilling prophecy.,
-rian $ra&y
+/onfidence is courage at ease.,
Daniel /aher
I believe that one of the most common ishes is simply to feel more confident in various
situations in life.
But ho?
Bonfident friends may sayC 2Well, 4ust be confident, man>3. Doever, to a person that doesn#t
feel that confident this piece of advice may not be very helpful. At all.
=here are hoever some time-tested and timeless advice. And in this article I#ll explore some of
those tips. $ou can learn much more about becomin" more sure of yourself and buildin" your
inner stren"th and assertiveness in my (,-eek 'elf-?steem Bourse.
Eo, I hope you ill find somethin" useful in this article to help you improve and maintain your
on levels of confidence.
<. $ake a&tion. Get it done.
+7aving once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste.
'he gain in self.confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense.,
$ho%as A. -ennett
+5othing builds self.esteem and self.confidence like accomplishment.,
$ho%as *arlyle
+Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to con8uer
fear, do not sit home and think about it. 9o out and get busy.,
Dale *arnegie
=he most important step in buildin" self confidence is simply to take action. Workin" on
somethin" and "ettin" it done. 'ittin" at home and thinkin" about it ill 4ust make you feel
orse. 'imple. But not alays easy to do. =o make it a bit easier, here are a three of my
favourite ays to make it easer to take actionC
-e resent. =his ill help you snap out of over thinkin" and 4ust "o and do hatever you
ant to "et done. =his is probably the best tip I have found so far for takin" more action
since it puts you in a state here you feel little emotional resistance to the ork you#ll do.
And it puts you in state here the ri"ht actions often 4ust seem to flo out of you in a
focused but relaxed ay and ithout much effort. +ne of the simplest ays to connect
ith the present moment is 4ust to keep your focus on your breathin" for a minute or to.
!ighten u. +ne ay to dissuade yourself from takin" action is to take hatever you are
about to do too seriously. =hat makes it feel too bi", too difficult and too scary. If you on
the other hand relax a bit and li"hten up you often reali!e that those problems and
ne"ative feelin"s are 4ust somethin" you are creatin" in your on mind. With a li"hter
state of mind your tasks seems li"hter and become easier to "et started ith. Dave a look
at )i"hten 9p> for more on this.
9eally1 really want it. =hen takin" action isn#t somethin" you have to force. =akin"
action becomes a very natural thin". It#s somethin" you can#t ait to do.
>. 3a&e your fear.
+'he way to develop self.confidence is to do the thing you fear.,
+illia% =ennings -ryan
+:ou gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look
fear in the face. :ou are able to say to yourself, ;I have lived through this horror. I can take the
next thing that comes along. :ou must do the thing you think you cannot do.,
Eleanor 9oosevelt
)ook, I could tell you to do affirmations or other exercises for months in front of your mirror. It
may have a positive effect. Oust like preparin" yourself it may help you to take action ith more
confidence.
But to be frank, if you don#t listen to the 1uotes above and face your fears you on#t experience
any better self confidence on a deeper and more fundamental level. Davin" experiences here
you face your fear is hat really builds self confidence. =here is no ay around it.
Doever, there are ays to face your fears that do not include that much shakin" of the knees.
=here are ays to make it easier for yourself.
-e &urious. When you are stuck in fear you are closed up. $ou tend to create division in
your orld and mind. $ou create barriers beteen you and other thin"sNpeople. When
you shift to bein" curious your perceptions "o 'W++'D> and the orld 4ust opens up.
Buriosity is filled ith anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And hen you are
open and enthusiastic then you have more fun thin"s to think about than focusin" on your
fear. Do do you become more curious? +ne ay is to remember ho life has become
more fun in the past thanks to your curiosity and to remember all the cool thin"s it helped
you to discover and experience.
9ealiGe that fear is often based on unhelful interretation. As humans e like to
look for patterns. =he problem is 4ust that e often find ne"ative and not so helpful
patterns in our lives based on 4ust one or to experiences. +r by mis4ud"in" situations.
+r throu"h some silly miscommunication. When you "et too identified ith your
thou"hts you#ll believe anythin" they tell you. A more helpful practise may be to not take
your thou"hts too seriously. A lot of the time they and your memory are pretty
inaccurate.
/. 9nderstand in hat order thin"s happen.
+ne of my favourite snippets of movie-dialo"ue is this one from the (;;; film 2=hree Gin"s3.
In this scene Ma4or Archie @ates %@eor"e Blooney& ants the small team to save a fello soldier
and steal 'addam#s "old 4ust after the first @ulf War has ended.
=he youn" soldier Bonrad Ki" %'pike Oon!e& has his doubts about the planC
Archie @atesC $ou#re scared, ri"ht?
Bonrad Ki"C Maybe.
Archie @atesC =he ay it orks is, you do the thin" you#re scared shitless of, and you "et the
coura"e A8=?- you do it, not before you do it.
Bonrad Ki"C =hat#s a dumbass ay to ork. It should be the other ay around.
Archie @atesC I kno. =hat#s the ay it orks.
@reat movie. @reat little piece of dialo"ue. ?ven thou"h it may not be hat people ant to hear.
=he thin" is, hen you do thin"s you don#t 4ust build confidence in your ability to handle
different situations. $ou also experience pro"ressive desensiti!ation. What that means is that
situations L like for example public speakin" or maybe 4ust shoin" your latest blo"post to an
audience out there L that made you feel all shaky become more and more normal in your life. It
is not lon"er somethin" you psyche yourself up to do. It 4ust becomes normal. )ike tyin" your
shoes, han"in" out ith your friends or takin" a shoer.
It may seem scary no. But after havin" done hatever you fear a fe to a do!en times or so
you may thinkC 2Is that it?3. $ou almost feel disappointed of ho anticlimactic it has become.
$ou may even "et a bit an"ry ith yourself and onder hy you avoided doin" it for so lon".
0. *repare.
2+ne important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self- confidence is
preparation.3
Arthur Ashe
When you kno nothin" of hat you are about to do it#s very easy to "et lost in va"ue, fo""y
fear and start buildin" bi" horror scenarios in your mind of hat may happen if you "ive it a try.
*reparin" yourself and educatin" yourself can be a bi" help here. By for example rehearsin" and
reritin" your speech over and over you can pretty much learn it by heart. By doin" research you
can find breathin" techni1ues that can 1uickly make your calmer and present. +r simple
visuali!ation techni1ues that make you feel more confident and positive as you step out on the
sta"e.
=his is obviously more ork than not doin" anythin" about the speech at all before you start
"ivin" it. But it can make a hu"e difference in your confidence levels if you take the time to
prepare yourself. And of course, the speech and the delivery of it ill most likely be a lot better
too.
'o prepare and you ill feel more comfortable and confident. Oust don#t make the mistake of
"ettin" stuck in the preparation phase and usin" it as a ay to avoid takin" action and the
possible pain that it may result in.
5. -eali!e that failure or bein" ron" ill not kill you.
2Bonfidence comes not from alays bein" ri"ht but from not fearin" to be ron".3
*eter =. Mcintyre
2I 1uit bein" afraid hen my first venture failed and the sky didn#t fall don.3
Allen D. Eeuharth
A"ain, you have to face your fear. Because it is only then that you discover the thin" that billions
of people throu"hout history have discovered before you. 8ailure on#t kill you. Eor ill bein"
ron". =he sky ill not fall don. =hat#s 4ust hat people that haven#t faced their fear yet think.
=he thin" is to reframe failure from bein" somethin" that makes your le"s shake to somethin"
useful and important for the "roth of your self confidence and your overall "roth as a human
bein". Dere are four ays that failure can help you outC
$ou learn. Instead of seein" failure as somethin" horrible you can start to vie it more as a
learnin" experience. When standin" in the middle of a failure, you can ask yourself 1uestions
likeC What#s aesome about this situation? What can I learn from this situation?
$ou "ain experiences you could not "et any other ay.S Ideally, you probably ant to learn
from other people#s mistakes and failures. =hat#s not alays easy to do thou"h. 'ometimes you
4ust have to fail on your on to learn a lesson and to "ain an experience no one can relate to you
in mere ords.
$ou become stron"er. ?very time you fail you become more accustomed to it. $ou reali!e
more and more that it#s not the end of the orld. And, a"ain, you "et desensiti!ed. $ou can
handle thin"s that ould have been very hard to handle a fe years back. 8ailin" can also a have
an exhilaratin" component because even thou"h you failed you at least took a chance. $ou didn#t
4ust sit on you hands doin" nothin". And that took 1uite a bit of coura"e and determination.
$our chances of succeedin" increases. ?very time you fail you can learn and increase your
inner stren"th. 'o every failure can make you more and more likely to succeed.
And remember, the orld doesn#t revolve around you. $ou may like to think so. But it doesn#t.
*eople really don#t care that much about hat you do. =hey have their on life, problems and
orries that the orld revolves around them to focus on. =hey don#t think that much about you
or are constantly monitorin" hat you do ron" or hen you fail.
Maybe a disappointin" thou"ht. But a liberatin" and relievin" one too because no you can let
"o of that orry that everyone is atchin" you.
B. Get to know who you are and what you want out of life.
+'he world has the habit of making room for the man whose words and actions show that he
knows where he is going.,
:aoleon ,ill
+<ont listen to anyone who tells you that you cant do this or that. 'hats nonsense. =ake up
your mind, youll never use crutches or a stick, then have a go at everything. 9o to school, 3oin
in all the games you can. 9o anywhere you want to. (ut never, never let them persuade you that
things are too difficult or impossible.,
Douglas -ader
=o build and find more confidence in yourself you have to "et to kno yourself better. @o
explorin". 8ace some of your fears. 8ail over and over and understand that it isn#t really that bi"
of a deal. @ro stron"er throu"h such experiences and also become more internally relaxed.
8i"ure out hat really excites you by simply tryin" a hole bunch of stuff out.
When you kno more about ho you are and hat you ant out of life L not other people say
you ant L you ill have more confidence in yourself and hat you can do.
What other people say or think ill have less of an impact than it used to because you kno ho
you are better than they do. And since you have had all these experiences, since you have taken
time to really "et to kno yourself and stretch yourself you ill trust your on opinion and
ability more than anythin" outside of you. $ou become stable and centred in yourself.
=his ill of course take time. It may be somethin" that never really ends. 'o you mi"ht as ell
"et started no.