6/13/2014 Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets Do It for The Children

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GAME OF THRONES
Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets
Do It for The Children
Winter is coming. Huddle close and let's prepare together.
BY GRANTLAND STAFF ON JUNE 13, 2014
A Look Back at Season 4
Andy Greenwald: Precaps are all about looking ahead. But, if youll indulge me, Id like to take a
moment to gaze in the opposite direction. Even with a presumably boffo finale still to come, I think its
safe to say that this has been the best season of Game of Thrones and I dont think its been
particularly close. Part of this can be ascribed to the quality of the material. In terms of the raw story
ore available to them, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss entered the year richer than the Tyrells. Thanks to
the clever way they chopped up A Storm of Swords, the sprawling third book in George R.R. Martins
ever-expanding series, there was almost no way for the fourth season not to be good. Instead of back-
loading the fireworks, they started bursting in midair: The Purple Wedding happened in Episode 2. A
woolly mammoth caught fire in Episode 9. In between was the trial of the century, an incredibly literal
reenactment of Vanilla Ices greatest song, and the long-awaited implementation of Chekhovs moon
door. My head was exploding long before Oberyns ever did.
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And yet the real accomplishment of the fourth season hasnt been the story its been the storytelling.
My primary criticism of the first few years of Thrones stemmed from the way individual episodes
would occasionally bump and lurch like those barrels Jon Snow and his pals were dropping from the
top of the Wall: Some splintered midway, others blew apart too early, and precisely none took a direct
path to their target. When considered en masse, these jolts smoothed themselves out into a satisfying,
season-long whole. (Im told that those who binge on Thrones like the Hound on rabbit stew find it
even more fulfilling than those of us who peck at it, week to week, like an abstemious raven.) But in the
moment, the experience could be more than a little jarring. This was especially true in the digressive
doom and gloom of Season 3. As much as I loved the Jaime and Brienne road trip, for every bon mot
that delighted there was a bear fight that dragged. Until his bloody end, Robb Stark was going nowhere
fast. And while Bran and his warging pals were constantly moving, their destination felt far out of
reach. There were times last year when I wasnt just annoyed at the sight of Theon imprisoned in the
Bolton basement, I could relate.
This year, by contrast, has positively glided. And its not just because of cant-miss pairings like Arya-
Hound, Tyrion-Jaime, and Salladhor-Jacuzzi. Its because Benioff and Weiss have learned how to take
the shows least interesting threads the knotty but necessary data dumps of exposition, the constant
moving from here to there and back again and hide them, elegantly, like doves inside a royal wedding
cake. There was a bracing sense of forward momentum this season, even when the action stayed put.
Think of the way Kings Landing has curdled before our very eyes, from the pomp of Joffreys lavish
wedding day to the grim circumstance of Tyrions trial. (Its no coincidence that we havent seen a
Tyrell lady in weeks flowers wilt quickly in hell.) Pedro Pascals electric performance and more
precisely, the way it was utilized gave doomed Prince Oberyn the dignity of a complete, considered
arc even though the character never once set foot outside the Red Keep. As adapters of such an
enormous and enormously beloved work, Benioff and Weiss have always had all the ingredients for
greatness, but now, at last, they know exactly how to deploy them. Its the difference between smart
shopping and gourmet cooking.
Yes, Theon (or whats left of him, anyway) was still hanging around, but did you notice the way he
never appeared in an episode without a heaping helping of Lannisters nearby to cleanse the palate?
The way even the most egregiously ugly scenes, such as the drain-circling, skull-chugging nightmare at
Crasters Keep, were joined with eye-opening bits of world-expanding wonder? (Without Crasters last
kid, we dont get the long, icy walk to Edgar Winters private stonehenge.) And so many long-trapped
characters were finally loosed into new surroundings Sansa, Jorah, Podrick, Davos that
Daeneryss season-long retrenchment had the space to be interesting instead of dull. The world of
Game of Thrones is no smaller if anything, its bigger, with Bran ghost-riding Hodor completely off
the map and Stannis seeking loans from an institution only dedicated book readers knew existed. But
the characters are increasingly tripping over each others tracks, and the sense of urgency that traveled
south with Ned Stark has, at last, infected all corners of the globe. As a result, this far-flung story now
feels more tightly wound than ever. The beating of a dragons wing in Essos resonates like a hurricane
an ocean away.
On Sunday, Game of Throness best season will end with an episode called The Children. (The title
could refer to the Stark sisters at the Eyrie or Danys scaly kids in Meereen. Im hoping it focuses on
those lovable, loathable Lannisters.) Im eagerly anticipating something big, but whats even more
6/13/2014 Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets Do It for The Children
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gratifying is that Im fully expecting something great. This was more than just a well-told chapter in a
story, it was an expertly made and executed no Tyrion spoilers, please season of television. How
many shows round the turn into their fifth year with the lightness and momentum of a fresh start? If
George R.R. Martins words are indeed wind, then David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are walking on air.
Heres hoping they can keep it up.
Sure, Shes Adorable, But Were Not Sure This Child Has a Valid
Claim to the Throne
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6/13/2014 Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets Do It for The Children
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[Via Reddit]
A Brief History of Throwing Dudes Out Windows
netw3rk: History! Its just as evil and depraved as Game of Thrones, only it really happened! In writing
A Song of Ice and Fire, George R.R. Martin has managed to combine two things I enjoy: nerd fantasy
and popular history. Many places and events in Game of Thrones like the Wall and the Red
Wedding are culled directly from European history. Others, while not explicitly borrowed from the
annals of real stuff that happened, seem broadly similar to, you know, actual stuff that really
happened.
Case in point: Jaime Lannister throwing Bran Stark out of a window at Winterfell in Season 1, an event
that precipitated the Lannister-Stark conflict and eventually spiraled into a continent-wide war.
Similar event: The Defenestration of Prague, the broadly agreed-upon start of the Thirty Years War,
which would go on to cost 8 million lives and reshape the map of Europe.
Central Europe in the 16th and 17th centuries was an aging warehouse stuffed with old newspaper,
cans of gasoline, and oily rags known as the Holy Roman Empire, and it was shot through with
Protestant-Catholic-Calvinist religious tension and line-of-succession infighting. All it needed was a
spark, and that spark arrived when Protestant insurgents in Bohemia fearful of being deprived of
their right to worship and provoked by one Count Thurn, who had just lost his job as castellan of
Karlstadt in a move that the Protestants saw as a Catholic plot to undermine their leadership
stormed into a meeting of representatives of the staunchly Catholic Ferdinand II in Prague on
Wednesday, May 23, 1618.
After some rough questioning as to which members of the Catholic delegation were responsible for a
letter the Protestants found particularly offensive, two of the Catholics Jaroslav Borita von
Martinitz and Vilm Slavata were tossed out of the window of the third-floor meeting room in
Hradschin Castle. Slavata exited first, managing to grab onto the window ledge, where he hung for dear
life. Meanwhile, his compatriot Martinitz asked his attackers to provide a confessor. (Kind of a
hilarious request considering the religious roots of the conflict.) This further enraged Count Thurn &
Co., who promptly hurled Martinitz into the void headfirst. Slavatas fingers were then smacked with
a sword, loosening his grip on the window ledge, and he tumbled some 55 feet into a ditch after
Martinitz. They were followed by their secretary, Philipp Fabricius, who probably said something like
I just work here as he was being thrown out after his bosses. All three survived, though, and the
secretary even managed to land on his feet, which he immediately put to good use, fleeing to Vienna to
alert the emperor. Martinitz and Slavata staggered out of the ditch as a few shots rang out from the
window above, and hobbled to the home of an ally, whose wife then persuaded their pursuing assailants
to go away.
Though the war would cost millions of lives and stoke religious enmity for generations, it gave us the
word defenestrate, which is always fun to use. The fictional war set off by the Defenestration of Bran
smolders on into its fifth book and third decade with no end in sight, uniting people of all nationalities
and religions in prayers for George R.R. Martins continued health.
6/13/2014 Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets Do It for The Children
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[History stuff from The Thirty Years War: Europe's Tragedy, by Peter H. Wilson.]
The Jon Snow and Ygritte Fortune-Teller
Shea Serrano:
Sean + Shea

Regularfan Saneperson Power Rankings of the Week: The Best
Death-Faces of the Season!
Mark Lisanti:
Previously: direwolves, odd couples, hit-list wish list, teachable moments with Tywin, swords, nut
jobs, jurisprudence fails, high-stakes faceoffs, memorable moments at the Wall.
The Five Faces of Death
This space usually belongs to Superfan Crazyperson Mallory Rubin, but shes on vacation. I have not
read the books. She has read the books 15 times each and makes the cat reenact her favorite chapters
every night. This is not a fair fight; I can already feel her thumbs in my eye sockets. Speaking of which:
You notice how people in Westeros are always dying in brutal and spectacular ways? Its true it
happens, like, all the time. Here are the five best death faces from Season 4. There were many to
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choose from, but these are the best. These are the ones that will haunt you, wake you in the middle of
the night, and make you curse elfin nihilist George R.R. Martin for ever sitting down with his feather
pen and scrolls to conjure forth his dark murder-kingdom.
It didnt feel right to cheer a death. Thats sociopath territory. And yet. You cheered. Oh, how you
cheered! Die, Joffrey, die! Choke on it! Someone make sure hes dead! Maybe stab him in the
heart? He might get up! And then you invited your friends over to watch the Purple Wedding again.
There were invitations. Some light catering, mostly mini-pies and goblets of wine, nothing
super fancy. You sipped the wine, groped at your throats. Look at me! The incest-king, all chokey-
chokey. Gaaaahhh. You laughed. It was a good time, that shocking death.
But you miss him now, dont you? You do. You mist up whenever you drink wine. You can hardly load
the crossbow without pausing for a moment of dusty reverie. Did he really have to go? And like
that, face flushing with purple death, warm blood spiderwebbing across his ghostly face? Poor kid. He
wouldve learned to be a good king eventually.
Youre seriously reconsidering next years Purple Wedding rewatch party. You have some hard
thinking to do about your place in this morally ambiguous universe.
A mans head being crushed sloppily crushed, inconsiderately crushed, like you tasked the Hulk with
arranging the fruit buffet at the picnic is an image that stays with you, lodges itself in the dark
crannies of your mind. You dont see things like that every day, unless youre working the butter-and-
watermelon stand at the farmers market.
It was all so preventable. All dashing Prince Oberyn had to do was kill first, preen later. The steps were
clear. There wasnt a person in that audience who didnt get the message he shouted while dancing
6/13/2014 Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets Do It for The Children
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around his lumbering adversary. Look what his carelessness did to people.
Lets avoid that in the future, shall we? Kill, then preen. Finish the job. Always be closing.
It was a fairy-tale love, one that began in a cave and ended in a castle. Hearts and arrows were
exchanged. Star-crossed lovers, a wildling and a bastard, just trying to make things work. Alas, it was
not to be. It was never to be. George R.R. Martin was all, I am definitely making that woman die in his
arms one day the very moment he conjured Jon and Ygrittes first embrace.
You know nothing, Jon Snow. Except how to make us all cry.
We take back the sociopath territory thing about cheering for death. Fly, Lysa Arryn, fly like a
gossamer glass bird!
The annual Plummet Through the Moon Door parties are going to be fun. Everyone stands around a
kiddie pool full of Jell-O and takes turns shoving each other in. Later, there are small-group
discussions about attachment parenting.
6/13/2014 Game of Thrones Season 4 Finale Precap: Lets Do It for The Children
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No, Jorahs not dead. But he might as well be. He lived for his Khaleesi. He would have died for his
Khaleesi, tearing out his heart with his own bare hands and inviting her to eat it in front of him just for
the pleasure of knowing shed finally accepted his love. Whats he going to do now? Wander Essos,
sketching JM + DST/MoD 4EVER in the sands? Throw his own treacherous head into Slavers Bay?
Ask Grey Worm to remove his now-useless pillar and stones and secretly join the Unsullied?
Yeah, death would have been a better option. Poor Jorah. He cant even sniff the Friend Zone anymore.
Honorable mention: Whos got time for that? Do you have any idea how many people died this
season? Like, a lot! We already covered this. Settle down, ghouls. There will be plenty more next year.
BONUS! Borderline Weird Mallory Rubin Game of Thrones Memorabilia of the Week:
Please enjoy this alternate image from last weeks photo shoot:
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10 Things on My Wish List Im Pretty Sure Will Never Happen
Now
John Lopez: Its been almost four seasons, and like any thoroughly Stockholm syndromed viewer, Ive
come to embrace Game of Throness masochistic habit of scuttling my vastly lowered hopes for any
kind of happy resolution. GoT doesnt just subvert your expectations: It torches them before your eyes
and then force-feeds you their ashes. In honor of the finale, Ive looked back to draw up a list of my
10 hopes that George R.R. Martin dashed upon the rocks, leaving only pured pieces of cranium and
existential queasiness in their place.
1. A Tyrion-Tywin father-son fishing trip/Machiavellian bonding moment
2. A tasteful cutaway from an exploding head
3. Ygritte and Jon Snows Arctic honeymoon adventure
4. Seeing a baby not in mortal danger of White Walkers or roving wildlings
5. Finding out what happened to Stannis Baratheons supernatural shadow-spawn
6. Arya Stark going Kill Bill on the Lannisters
7. Daenerys and Ser Jorah baking cookies and realizing theyre perfect for each other
8. Any coherent explanation of Brans dreams
9. Theons carefree grin
10. Five hard-core minutes of Ser Pounce playing with string
Whos Going to Get the Final Shot of the Season?
Emily Yoshida: DISCLAIMER: I have not read the books. I have no idea whats coming. But even if I
had read the books, I still wouldnt know who gets that all-important final shot of the season. This is
more a question of sequencing and good old-fashioned cliffhangers than plot mechanics. First, lets
just do a quick, objectively correct ranking of the three final shots that have come before, which
conveniently go in chronological order.
1. Season 1
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Key players: Daenerys Stormborn, of House Targaryen, Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great
Grass Sea, the Unburnt, Daenerys Targaryen.
Revelation: There are dragons on this television show now.
Music: Choral, triumphant, Lion Kingesque
Mood: Whoa!
2. Season 2
Key players: Samwell Tarly, a bunch of zombies
Revelation: Thats a lot of zombies!
Music: Dirgelike, atonal rendition of GoT theme
Mood: Oh no!
3. Season 3
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Key players: Daenerys Stormborn, of House Targaryen. Rightful heir to the Iron Throne; Queen of the
Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, the Rhoynar, and the First Men; Mother of Dragons; the Khaleesi of the
Great Grass Sea; the Unburnt; and Breaker of Chains.
Revelation: They like her, they really like her!
Music: Lion Kingesque Daenerys theme paired with triumphant GoT theme
Mood: Celebratory, racially problematic
Now, allow me to observe a pattern in only three terms. On the most basic level, weve gone happy-sad-
happy, which means were due for a sad one this season. This seems crazy, as it has already been a
pretty bleak season, and another Daenerys victory lap would be welcome at this point. But I think the
Mother of Dragons must wait her turn, especially since shes not at a very victory-lapping place in her
career right now.
Now, the Khaleesi-Walkers-Khaleesi pattern also probably rules out another Dany finale, but I dont
think it necessarily points to a Walkers-centric cliffhanger. We just spent a lot of time at the Wall. I
think were pretty Walled out. Besides, what new shocking thing can the Walkers do at this point,
besides walk a little closer? I think the only way we get a Walker-centric final scene is if one pops up in
Kings Landing out of the blue. Do NOT tell me if this actually happens! I am just spitballing here! This
no-books all-science process is more like making a mix CD than anything else. You cant have two
Smog tracks that close to each other.
We should also note that the episode titles of the last three finales have all vaguely pertained to the final
scene. Fire and Blood = Targaryen house words, dragons; Valar Morghulis = all men must die, dead
guys, zombies; Mhysa = the rallying cry of crowd-surfing angel Dany. This seasons finale is called
The Children. My money, and I would actually be interested in putting some down if anyone
were willing to take me up on this, is that (1) Bran and/or the Wonder Twins get the final shot, (2) it
will be in the cool/whoa mood range (breaking pattern, because this season needs it), (3) there will
be NO MUSIC (wild guess to make things fun), and, fingers crossed, (4) it makes us care about that
plotline.
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Exit Music (WARNING: May Contain Non-Canonical Imagery)