THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Restoring the Character Ethic

Powerf! !essons in "ersona! change
Ste"hen R# Co$e%
A FIRESI&E BOO'
P(!ishe) B% Si*on + Schster
Contents
PART ONE , PARA&IG-S N& PRINCIPLES
INSI&E , O.T
THE SEVEN HABITS / AN OVERVIE0
PART T0O , PRIVATE VICTORY
HABIT 1
BE PROACTIVE
PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL VISION
HABIT 2
BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL LEA&ERSHIP
HABIT 3
P.T FIRS THINGS FIRST
PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL -ANAGE-ENT
PART THREE , P.BLIC VICTORY
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE
HABIT 4
THIN' 0IN50IN
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL LEA&ERSHIP
HABIT 6
SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE .N&ERSTOO&
PRINCIPLES OF E-PATHIC CO--.NICATION
HABIT 8
SYNERGI9E
PRINCIPLES OF CREATIVE COOPERATION
PART FO.R , RENE0AL
HABIT :
SHARPEN THE SA0
PRINCIPLES OF BALANCE& SELF,RENE0AL
INSI&E , O.T AGAIN
: HABITS 1 FRO- PAGE NO# 16 TO 12:
INSI&E,O.T
;There is no rea! e<ce!!ence in a!! this wor!) which can (e se"arate) fro*
right !i$ing#= &a$i) Starr >or)an
In *ore than 26 %ears of wor?ing with "eo"!e in (siness7 ni$ersit%7 an)
*arriage an) fa*i!% settings7 I ha$e co*e in contact with *an% in)i$i)a!s
who ha$e achie$e) an incre)i(!e )egree of otwar) sccess7 (t ha$e fon)
the*se!$es strgg!ing with an inner hnger7 a )ee" nee) for "ersona!
congrenc% an) effecti$eness an) for hea!th%7 growing re!ationshi"s with
other "eo"!e#
I ss"ect so*e of the "ro(!e*s the% ha$e share) with *e *a% (e fa*i!iar to
%o#
I@$e set an) *et *% career goa!s an) I@* ha$ing tre*en)os "rofessiona!
sccess# Bt it@s cost *e *% "ersona! an) fa*i!% !ife# I )on@t ?now *% wife
an) chi!)ren an% *ore# I@* not e$en sre I ?now *%se!f an) what@s rea!!%
i*"ortant to *e# I@$e ha) to as? *%se!fAis it worth itB
I@$e starte) a new )ietAfor the fifth ti*e this %ear# I ?now I@* o$erweight7
an) I rea!!% want to change# I rea) a!! the new infor*ation7 I set goa!s7 I get
*%se!f a!! "s%che) " with a "ositi$e *enta! attit)e an) te!! *%se!f I can )o
it# Bt I )on@t# After a few wee?s7 I fiCC!e# I Dst can@t see* to ?ee" a "ro*ise
I *a?e to *%se!f#
I@* ta?en corse after corse on effecti$e *anage*ent training# I e<"ect a
!ot ot of *% e*"!o%ees an) I wor? har) to (e frien)!% towar) the* an) to
treat the* right# Bt I )on@t fee! an% !o%a!t% fro* the*# I thin? if I were
ho*e sic? for a )a%7 the%@) s"en) *ost of their ti*e ga((ing at the water
fontain# 0h% can@t I train the* to (e in)e"en)ent an) res"onsi(!eAor fin)
e*"!o%ees who can (eB
-% teenage son is re(e!!ios an) on )rgs# No *atter what I tr%7 he won@t
!isten to *e# 0hat can I )oB
There@s so *ch to )o# An) there@s ne$er enogh ti*e# I fee! "ressre) an)
hass!e) a!! )a%7 e$er% )a%7 se$en )a%s a wee?# I@$e atten)e) ti*e
*anage*ent se*inars an) I@$e trie) ha!f a )oCen )ifferent "!anning s%ste*s#
The%@$e he!"e) so*e7 (t I sti!! )on@t fee! I@* !i$ing the ha""%7 "ro)cti$e7
"eacef! !ife I want to !i$e#
I want to teach *% chi!)ren the $a!e of wor?# Bt to get the* to )o
an%thing7 I ha$e to s"er$ise e$er% *o$e### an) "t " with co*"!aining
e$er% ste" of the wa%# It@s so *ch easier to )o it *%se!f# 0h% can@t chi!)ren
)o their wor? cheerf!!% an) withot (eing re*in)e)B
I@* (s%Area!!% (s%# Bt so*eti*es I won)er if what I@* )oing wi!! *a?e
an% )ifference in the !ong rn# I@) rea!!% !i?e to thin? there was *eaning in
*% !ife7 that so*ehow things were )ifferent (ecase I was here#
I see *% frien)s or re!ati$es achie$e so*e )egree of sccess or recei$e so*e
recognition7 an) I s*i!e an) congrat!ate the* enthsiastica!!%# Bt insi)e7
I@* eating *% heart ot# 0h% )o I fee! this wa%B
I ha$e a forcef! "ersona!it%# I ?now7 in a!*ost an% interaction7 I can contro!
the otco*e# -ost of the ti*e7 I can e$en )o it (% inf!encing others to
co*e " with the so!tion I want# I thin? throgh each sitation an) I rea!!%
fee! the i)eas I co*e " with are sa!!% the (est for e$er%one# Bt I fee!
neas%# I a!wa%s won)er what other "eo"!e rea!!% thin? of *e an) *% i)eas#
-% *arriage has gone f!at# 0e )on@t fight or an%thingE we Dst )on@t !o$e
each other an%*ore# 0e@$e gone to conse!ingE we@$e trie) a n*(er of
things7 (t we Dst can@t see* to re?in)!e the fee!ing we se) to ha$e#
These are )ee" "ro(!e*s7 "ainf! "ro(!e*sA"ro(!e*s that Fic? fi<
a""roaches can@t so!$e#
A few %ears ago7 *% wife San)ra an) I were strgg!ing with this ?in) of
concern# One of or sons was ha$ing a $er% )iffic!t ti*e in schoo!# He was
)oing "oor!% aca)e*ica!!%E he )i)n@t e$en ?now how to fo!!ow the
instrctions on the tests7 !et a!one )o we!! on the*# Socia!!% he was
i**atre7 often e*(arrassing those c!osest to hi*# Ath!etica!!%7 he was
s*a!!7 s?inn%7 an) ncoor)inate)A
INS1&E,O.T
1:
swinging his (ase(a!! (at7 for e<a*"!e7 a!*ost (efore the (a!! was e$en
"itche)# Others wo!) !agh at hi*#
San)ra an) I were cons*e) with a )esire to he!" hi*# 0e fe!t that if
GsccessG were i*"ortant in an% area of !ife7 it was s"re*e!% i*"ortant in
or ro!e as "arents# So we wor?e) on or attit)es an) (eha$ior towar) hi*
an) we trie) to wor? on his# 0e atte*"te) to "s%ch hi* " sing "ositi$e
*enta! attit)e techniFes# GCo*e on7 sonH Yo can )o itH 0e ?now %o
can# Pt %or han)s a !itt!e higher on the (at an) ?ee" %or e%e on the (a!!#
&on@t swing ti!! it gets c!ose to %o#G An) if he )i) a !itt!e (etter7 we wo!)
go to great !engths to reinforce hi*# GThat@s goo)7 son7 ?ee" it "#G
0hen others !aghe)7 we re"ri*an)e) the*# GLea$e hi* a!one# Get off his
(ac?# He@s Dst !earning#G An) or son wo!) cr% an) insist that he@) ne$er (e
an% goo) an) that he )i)n@t !i?e (ase(a!! an%wa%#
Nothing we )i) see*e) to he!"7 an) we were rea!!% worrie)# 0e co!) see
the effect this was ha$ing on his se!f,estee*# 0e trie) to (e encoraging an)
he!"f! an) "ositi$e7 (t after re"eate) fai!re7 we fina!!% )rew (ac? an)
trie) to !oo? at the sitation on a )ifferent !e$e!#
At this ti*e in *% "rofessiona! ro!e I was in$o!$e) in !ea)ershi"
)e$e!o"*ent wor? with $arios c!ients throghot the contr%# In that
ca"acit% I was "re"aring (i*onth!% "rogra*s on the s(Dect of
co**nication an) "erce"tion for IB-@s E<ecti$e &e$e!o"*ent Progra*
"artici"ants#
As I researche) an) "re"are) these "resentations7 I (eca*e "artic!ar!%
intereste) in how "erce"tions are for*e)7 how the% go$ern the wa% we see7
an) how the wa% we see go$erns how we (eha$e# This !e) *e to a st)% of
e<"ectanc% theor% an) se!f,f!fi!!ing "ro"hecies or the GP%g*a!ion effect7G
an) to a rea!iCation of how )ee"!% i*(e))e) or "erce"tions are# It taght
*e that we *st !oo? at the !ens throgh which we see the wor!)7 as we!! as
at the wor!) we see7 an) that the !ens itse!f sha"es how we inter"ret the
wor!)#
As San)ra an) I ta!?e) a(ot the conce"ts I was teaching at IB- an) a(ot
or own sitation7 we (egan to rea!iCe that what we were )oing to he!" or
son was not in har*on% with the wa% we rea!!% saw hi*# 0hen we honest!%
e<a*ine) or )ee"est fee!ings7 we rea!iCe) that or "erce"tion was that he
was (asica!!% ina)eFate7 so*ehow G(ehin)#G No *atter how *ch we
1I
wor?e) on or attit)e an) (eha$ior7 or efforts were ineffecti$e (ecase7
)es"ite or actions an) or wor)s7 what we rea!!% co**nicate) to hi*
was7 GYo aren@t ca"a(!e# Yo ha$e to (e "rotecte)#G
0e (egan to rea!iCe that if we wante) to change the sitation7 we first ha) to
change orse!$es# An) to change orse!$es effecti$e!%7 we first ha) to
change or "erce"tions#
The Persona!it% an) Character Ethics
At the sa*e ti*e7 in a))ition to *% research on "erce"tion7 I was a!so
)ee"!% i**erse) in an in,)e"th st)% of the sccess !iteratre "(!ishe) in
the .nite) States since 1::8# I was rea)ing or scanning !itera!!% hn)re)s of
(oo?s7 artic!es7 an) essa%s in fie!)s sch as se!f,i*"ro$e*ent7 "o"!ar
"s%cho!og%7 an) se!f,he!"# At *% fingerti"s was the s* an) s(stance of
what a free an) )e*ocratic "eo"!e consi)ere) to (e the ?e%s to sccessf!
!i$ing#
As *% st)% too? *e (ac? throgh 2JJ %ears of writing a(ot sccess7 I
notice) a start!ing "attern e*erging in the content of the !iteratre# Becase
of or own "ain7 an) (ecase of si*i!ar "ain I ha) seen in the !i$es an)
re!ationshi"s of *an% "eo"!e I ha) wor?e) with throgh the %ears7 I (egan to
fee! *ore an) *ore that *ch of the sccess !iteratre of the "ast 6J %ears
was s"erficia!# It was fi!!e) with socia! i*age consciosness7 techniFes
an) Fic? fi<esAwith socia! (an),ai)s an) as"irin that a))resse) acte
"ro(!e*s an) so*eti*es e$en a""eare) to so!$e the* te*"orari!%7 (t !eft
the n)er!%ing chronic "ro(!e*s ntoche) to fester an) resrface ti*e an)
again#
In star? contrast7 a!*ost a!! the !iteratre in the first 16J %ears or so focse)
on what co!) (e ca!!e) the Character Ethic as the fon)ation of sccessA
things !i?e integrit%7 h*i!it%7 fi)e!it%7 te*"erance7 corage7 Dstice7
"atience7 in)str%7 si*"!icit%7 *o)est%7 an) the Go!)en R!e# BenDa*in
Fran?!in@s ato(iogra"h% is re"resentati$e of that !iteratre# It is7 (asica!!%7
the stor% of one *an@s effort to integrate certain "rinci"!es an) ha(its )ee"
within his natre#
The Character Ethic taght that there are (asic "rinci"!es of effecti$e !i$ing7
an) that "eo"!e can on!% e<"erience tre sccess an) en)ring ha""iness as
the% !earn an) integrate these "rinci"!es into their (asic character#

1K
Bt short!% after 0or!) 0ar I the (asic $iew of sccess shifte) fro* the
Character Ethic to what we *ight ca!! the Persona!it% Ethic# Sccess (eca*e
*ore a fnction of "ersona!it%7 of "(!ic i*age7 of attit)es an) (eha$iors7
s?i!!s an) techniFes7 that !(ricate the "rocesses of h*an interaction# This
Persona!it% Ethic essentia!!% too? two "athsL one was h*an an) "(!ic
re!ations techniFes7 an) the other was "ositi$e *enta! attit)e MP-AN#
So*e of this "hi!oso"h% was e<"resse) in ins"iring an) so*eti*es $a!i)
*a<i*s sch as GYor attit)e )eter*ines %or a!tit)e7G GS*i!ing wins
*ore frien)s than frowning7G an) G0hate$er the *in) of *an can concei$e
an) (e!ie$e it can achie$e#G
Other "arts of the "ersona!it% a""roach were c!ear!% *ani"!ati$e7 e$en
)ece"ti$e7 encoraging "eo"!e to se techniFes to get other "eo"!e to !i?e
the*7 or to fa?e interest in the ho((ies of others to get ot of the* what the%
wante)7 or to se the G"ower !oo?7G or to inti*i)ate their wa% throgh !ife#
So*e of this !iteratre ac?now!e)ge) character as an ingre)ient of sccess7
(t ten)e) to co*"art*enta!iCe it rather than recogniCe it as fon)ationa!
an) cata!%tic# Reference to the Character Ethic (eca*e *ost!% !i" ser$iceE
the (asic thrst was Fic?,fi< inf!ence techniFes7 "ower strategies7
co**nication s?i!!s7 an) "ositi$e attit)es#
This Persona!it% Ethic7 I (egan to rea!iCe7 was the s(conscios sorce of the
so!tions San)ra an) I were atte*"ting to se with or son# As I thoght
*ore )ee"!% a(ot the )ifference (etween the Persona!it% an) Character
Ethics7 I rea!iCe) that San)ra an) I ha) (een getting socia! *i!eage ot of or
chi!)ren@s goo) (eha$ior7 an)7 in or e%es7 this son si*"!% )i)n@t *easre "#
Or i*age of orse!$es7 an) or ro!e as goo)7 caring "arents was e$en
)ee"er than or i*age of or son an) "erha"s inf!ence) it# There was a !ot
*ore wra""e) " in the wa% we were seeing an) han)!ing the "ro(!e* than
or concern for or son@s we!fare#
As San)ra an) I ta!?e)7 we (eca*e "ainf!!% aware of the "owerf!
inf!ence of or own character an) *oti$es an) of or "erce"tion of hi*#
0e ?new that socia! co*"arison *oti$es were ot of har*on% with or
)ee"er $a!es an) co!) !ea) to con)itiona! !o$e an) e$enta!!% to or son@s
!essene) sense of se!f,worth# So we )eter*ine) to focs or efforts on sA
not on or techniFes7 (t on or )ee"est *oti$es an) or "erce"tion of hi*#
Instea) of tr%ing to change hi*7 we trie) to stan) a"artAto
se"arate s fro* hi*Aan) to sense his i)entit%7 in)i$i)a!it%7 se"arateness7
an) worth#
Throgh )ee" thoght an) the e<ercise of faith an) "ra%er7 we (egan to see
or son in ter*s of his own niFeness# 0e saw within hi* !a%ers an)
!a%ers of "otentia! that wo!) (e rea!iCe) at his own "ace an) s"ee)# 0e
)eci)e) to re!a< an) get ot of his wa% an) !et his own "ersona!it% e*erge#
0e saw or natra! ro!e as (eing to affir*7 enDo%7 an) $a!e hi*# 0e a!so
conscientios!% wor?e) on or *oti$es an) c!ti$ate) interna! sorces of
secrit% so that or own fee!ings of worth were not )e"en)ent on or
chi!)ren@s Gacce"ta(!eG (eha$ior#
As we !oosene) " or o!) "erce"tion of or son an) )e$e!o"e) $a!e,(ase)
*oti$es7 new fee!ings (egan to e*erge# 0e fon) orse!$es enDo%ing hi*
instea) of co*"aring or D)ging hi*# 0e sto""e) tr%ing to c!one hi* in or
own i*age or *easre hi* against socia! e<"ectations# 0e sto""e) tr%ing to
?in)!%7 "ositi$e!% *ani"!ate hi* into an acce"ta(!e socia! *o!)# Becase
we saw hi* as fn)a*enta!!% a)eFate an) a(!e to co"e with !ife7 we
sto""e) "rotecting hi* against the ri)ic!e of others#
He ha) (een nrtre) on this "rotection7 so he went throgh so*e
with)rawa! "ains7 which he e<"resse) an) which we acce"te)7 (t )i) not
necessari!% res"on) to# G0e )on@t nee) to "rotect %o7G was the ns"o?en
*essage# GYo@re fn)a*enta!!% o?a%#G
As the wee?s an) *onths "asse)7 he (egan to fee! a Fiet confi)ence an)
affir*e) hi*se!f# He (egan to (!osso*7 at his own "ace an) s"ee)# He
(eca*e otstan)ing as *easre) (% stan)ar) socia! criteriaAaca)e*ica!!%7
socia!!% an) ath!etica!!%Aat a ra"i) c!i"7 far (e%on) the so,ca!!e) natra!
)e$e!o"*enta! "rocess# As the %ears "asse)7 he was e!ecte) to se$era!
st)ent (o)% !ea)ershi" "ositions7 )e$e!o"e) into an a!!,state ath!ete an)
starte) (ringing ho*e straight A re"ort car)s# He )e$e!o"e) an engaging an)
gi!e!ess "ersona!it% that has ena(!e) hi* to re!ate in non,threatening wa%s
to a!! ?in)s of "eo"!e#
San)ra an) I (e!ie$e that or son@s Gsocia!!% i*"ressi$eG acco*"!ish*ents
were *ore a seren)i"itos e<"ression of the fee!ings he ha) a(ot hi*se!f
than *ere!% a res"onse to socia! rewar)# This was an a*aCing e<"erience for
San)ra an) *e7 an) a $er% instrctiona! one in )ea!ing with or other
chi!)ren an) in other ro!es as we!!# It (roght to or awareness on a $er%
"ersona! !e$e! the $ita! )ifference (etween the Persona!it% Ethic an) the
Character
21
Ethic of sccess# The Psa!*ist e<"resse) or con$iction we!!L GSearch %or
own heart with a!! )i!igence for ot of it f!ow the isses of !ife#G
Pri*ar% an) Secon)ar% Greatness
-% e<"erience with *% son7 *% st)% of "erce"tion an) *% rea)ing of the
sccess !iteratre coa!esce) to create one of those GAhaHG e<"eriences in !ife
when s))en!% things c!ic? into "!ace# I was s))en!% a(!e to see the
"owerf! i*"act of the Persona!it% Ethic an) to c!ear!% n)erstan) those
s(t!e7 often conscios!% ni)entifie) )iscre"ancies (etween what I ?new to
(e treAso*e things I ha) (een taght *an% %ears ago as a chi!) an) things
that were )ee" in *% own inner sense of $a!eAan) the Fic? fi<
"hi!oso"hies that srron)e) *e e$er% )a%# I n)erstoo) at a )ee"er !e$e!
wh%7 as I ha) wor?e) throgh the %ears with "eo"!e fro* a!! wa!?s of !ife7 I
ha) fon) that the things I was teaching an) ?new to (e effecti$e were often
at $ariance with these "o"!ar $oices#
I a* not sggesting that e!e*ents of the Persona!it% EthicA "ersona!it%
growth7 co**nication s?i!! training7 an) e)cation in the fie!) of inf!ence
strategies an) "ositi$e thin?ingAare not (eneficia!7 in fact so*eti*es
essentia! for sccess# I (e!ie$e the% are# Bt these are secon)ar%7 not "ri*ar%
traits# Perha"s7 in ti!iCing or h*an ca"acit% to (i!) on the fon)ation of
generations (efore s7 we ha$e ina)$ertent!% (eco*e so focse) on or own
(i!)ing that we ha$e forgotten the fon)ation that ho!)s it "E or in rea"ing
or so !ong where we ha$e not sown7 "erha"s we ha$e forgotten the nee) to
sow#
If I tr% to se h*an inf!ence strategies an) tactics of how to get other
"eo"!e to )o what I want7 to wor? (etter7 to (e *ore *oti$ate)7 to !i?e *e
an) each otherAwhi!e *% character is fn)a*enta!!% f!awe)7 *ar?e) (%
)"!icit% an) insincerit%Athen7 in the !ong rn7 I cannot (e sccessf!# -%
)"!icit% wi!! (ree) )istrst7 an) e$er%thing I )oAe$en sing so,ca!!e) goo)
h*an re!ations techniFesAwi!! (e "ercei$e) as *ani"!ati$e# It si*"!%
*a?es no )ifference how goo) the rhetoric is or e$en how goo) the
intentions areE if there is !itt!e or no trst7 there is no fon)ation for
"er*anent sccess# On!% (asic goo)ness gi$es !ife to techniFe#
To focs on techniFe is !i?e cra**ing %or wa% throgh schoo!# Yo
so*eti*es get (%7 "erha"s e$en get goo) gra)es7 (t
22
if %o )on@t "a% the "rice )a% in an) )a% ot7 %o ne$er achie$e tre *aster%
of the s(Dects %o st)% or )e$e!o" an e)cate) *in)#
&i) %o e$er consi)er how ri)ic!os it wo!) (e to tr% to cra* on a far*A
to forget to "!ant in the s"ring7 "!a% a!! s**er an) then cra* in the fa!! to
(ring in the har$estB The far* is a natra! s%ste*# The "rice *st (e "ai)
an) the "rocess fo!!owe)# Yo a!wa%s rea" what %o sowE there is no
shortct#
This "rinci"!e is a!so tre7 !ti*ate!%7 in h*an (eha$ior7 in h*an
re!ationshi"s# The%7 too7 are natra! s%ste*s (ase) on the !aw of the har$est#
In the short rn7 in an artificia! socia! s%ste* sch as schoo!7 %o *a% (e
a(!e to get (% if %o !earn how to *ani"!ate the *an,*a)e r!es7 to G"!a%
the ga*e#G In *ost one,shot or short,!i$e) h*an interactions7 %o can se
the Persona!it% Ethic to get (% an) to *a?e fa$ora(!e i*"ressions throgh
char* an) s?i!! an) "reten)ing to (e intereste) in other "eo"!e@s ho((ies#
Yo can "ic? " Fic?7 eas% techniFes that *a% wor? in short,ter*
sitations# Bt secon)ar% traits a!one ha$e no "er*anent worth in !ong,ter*
re!ationshi"s# E$enta!!%7 if there isn@t )ee" integrit% an) fn)a*enta!
character strength7 the cha!!enges of !ife wi!! case tre *oti$es to srface
an) h*an re!ationshi" fai!re wi!! re"!ace short,ter* sccess#
-an% "eo"!e with secon)ar% greatnessAthat is7 socia! recognition for their
ta!entsA!ac? "ri*ar% greatness or goo)ness in their character# Sooner or
!ater7 %o@!! see this in e$er% !ong,ter* re!ationshi" the% ha$e7 whether it is
with a (siness associate7 a s"ose7 a frien)7 or a teenage chi!) going
throgh an i)entit% crisis# It is character that co**nicates *ost e!oFent!%#
As E*erson once "t it7 G0hat %o are shots so !o)!% in *% ears I cannot
hear what %o sa%#G
There are7 of corse7 sitations where "eo"!e ha$e character strength (t
the% !ac? co**nication s?i!!s7 an) that n)o(te)!% affects the Fa!it% of
re!ationshi"s as we!!# Bt the effects are sti!! secon)ar%#
In the !ast ana!%sis7 what we are co**nicates far *ore e!oFent!% than
an%thing we sa% or )o# 0e a!! ?now it# There are "eo"!e we trst a(so!te!%
(ecase we ?now their character# 0hether the%@re e!oFent or not7 whether
the% ha$e the h*an re!ations techniFes or not7 we trst the*7 an) we wor?
sccessf!!% with the*#
In the wor)s of 0i!!ia* George >or)an7 GInto the han)s of e$er%
23
in)i$i)a! is gi$en a *ar$e!os "ower for goo) or e$i!Athe si!ent7
nconscios7 nseen inf!ence of his !ife# This is si*"!% the constant
ra)iation of what *an rea!!% is7 not what he "reten)s to (e#G
The Power of a Para)ig*
e*(o)% *an% of the fn)a*enta! "rinci"!es of h*an effecti$eness# These
ha(its are (asicE the% are "ri*ar%# The% re"resent the interna!iCation of
correct "rinci"!es "on which en)ring ha""iness an) sccess are (ase)#
Bt (efore we can rea!!% n)erstan) these Se$en Ha(its7 we nee) to
n)erstan) or own G"ara)ig*sG an) how to *a?e a G"ara)ig* shift#G
Both the Character Ethic an) the Persona!it% Ethic are e<a*"!es of socia!
"ara)ig*s# The wor) "ara)ig* co*es fro* the Gree?# It was origina!!% a
scientific ter*7 an) is *ore co**on!% se) to)a% to *ean a *o)e!7 theor%7
"erce"tion7 ass*"tion7 or fra*e of reference# In the *ore genera! sense7 it@s
the wa% we GseeG the wor!)Anot in ter*s of or $isa! sense of sight7 (t in
ter*s of "ercei$ing7 n)erstan)ing7 inter"reting#
For or "r"oses7 a si*"!e wa% to n)erstan) "ara)ig*s is to see the* as
*a"s# 0e a!! ?now that Gthe *a" is not the territor%#G A *a" is si*"!% an
e<"!anation of certain as"ects of the territor%# That@s e<act!% what a
"ara)ig* is# It is a theor%7 an e<"!anation7 or *o)e! of so*ething e!se#
S""ose %o wante) to arri$e at a s"ecific !ocation in centra! Chicago# A
street *a" of the cit% wo!) (e a great he!" to %o in reaching %or
)estination# Bt s""ose %o were gi$en the wrong *a"# Throgh a "rinting
error7 the *a" !a(e!e) GChicagoG was acta!!% a *a" of &etroit# Can %o
i*agine the frstration7 the ineffecti$eness of tr%ing to reach %or
)estinationB
Yo *ight wor? on %or (eha$iorA%o co!) tr% har)er7 (e *ore )i!igent7
)o(!e %or s"ee)# Bt %or efforts wo!) on!% sccee) in getting %o to the
wrong "!ace faster#
Yo *ight wor? on %or attit)eA%o co!) thin? *ore "ositi$e!%# Yo
sti!! wo!)n@t get to the right "!ace7 (t "erha"s %o wo!)n@t care# Yor
attit)e wo!) (e so "ositi$e7 %o@) (e ha""% where$er %o were#
The "oint is7 %o@) sti!! (e !ost# The fn)a*enta! "ro(!e* has
nothing to )o with %or (eha$ior or %or attit)e# It has e$er%thing to )o
with ha$ing a wrong *a"#
If %o ha$e the right *a" of Chicago7 then )i!igence (eco*es i*"ortant7 an)
when %o enconter frstrating o(stac!es a!ong the wa%7 then attit)e can
*a?e a rea! )ifference# Bt the first an) *ost i*"ortant reFire*ent is the
accrac% of the *a"#
Each of s has *an%7 *an% *a"s in or hea)7 which can (e @ )i$i)e) into
two *ain categoriesL *a"s of the wa% things are7 or rea!ities7 an) *a"s of
the wa% things sho!) (e7 or $a!es# 0e inter"ret e$er%thing we e<"erience
throgh these *enta! *a"s# 0e se!)o* Festion their accrac%E we@re
sa!!% e$en naware that we ha$e the*# 0e si*"!% ass*e that the wa% we
see things is the wa% the% rea!!% are or the wa% the% sho!) (e#
An) or attit)es an) (eha$iors grow ot of those ass*"tions# The wa% we
see things is the sorce of the wa% we thin? an) the wa% we act#
Before going an% frther7 I in$ite %o to ha$e an inte!!ecta! an) e*otiona!
e<"erience# Ta?e a few secon)s an) Dst !oo? at the "ictre on the fo!!owing
"age#
Now !oo? at the "ictre on "age 28 an) caref!!% )escri(e what %o see#
&o %o see a wo*anB How o!) wo!) %o sa% she isB 0hat )oes she !oo?
!i?eB 0hat is she wearingB In what ?in) of ro!es )o %o see herB
Yo "ro(a(!% wo!) )escri(e the wo*an in the secon) "ictre to (e a(ot
26 %ears o!)A$er% !o$e!%7 rather fashiona(!e with a "etite nose an) a
)e*re "resence# If %o were a sing!e *an %o *ight !i?e to ta?e her ot#, If
%o were in retai!ing7 %o *ight hire her as a fashion *o)e!#
Bt what if I were to te!! %o that %o@re wrongB 0hat if I sai) this "ictre is
of a wo*an in her 8J@s or :J@s who !oo?s sa)7 has a hge nose7 an) is
certain!% no *o)e!# She@s so*eone %o "ro(a(!% wo!) he!" across the
street#
0ho@s rightB Loo? at the "ictre again# Can %o see the o!) wo*anB If %o
can@t7 ?ee" tr%ing# Can %o see her (ig hoo? noseB Her shaw!B
If %o an) I were ta!?ing face to face7 we co!) )iscss the "ictre# Yo
co!) )escri(e what %o see to *e7 an) I co!) ta!? to 1 %o a(ot what I
see# 0e co!) contine to co**nicate nti! %o 1 c!ear!% showe) *e what
%o see in the "ictre an) I c!ear!% showe) %o what I see#
Becase we can@t )o that7 trn to "age 46 an) st)% the "ictre
there an) then !oo? at this "ictre again# Can %o see the o!) wo*an nowB
It@s i*"ortant that %o see her (efore %o contine rea)ing#
I first encontere) this e<ercise *an% %ears ago at the Har$ar) Bsiness
Schoo!# The instrctor was sing it to )e*onstrate c!ear!% an) e!oFent!%
that two "eo"!e can see the sa*e thing7 )isagree7 an) %et (oth (e right# It@s
not !ogica!E its "s%cho!ogica!#
He (roght into the roo* a stac? of !arge car)s7 ha!f of which ha) the i*age
of the %ong wo*an %o saw on "age 267 an) the other ha!f of which ha)
the i*age of the o!) wo*an on "age 46#
He "asse) the* ot to the c!ass7 the "ictre of the %ong wo*an to one si)e
of the roo* an) the "ictre of the o!) wo*an to the other# He as?e) s to
!oo? at the car)s7 concentrate on the* for a(ot ten secon)s an) then "ass
the* (ac? in# He then "roDecte) "on the screen the "ictre %o saw on "age
28 co*(ining (oth i*ages an) as?e) the c!ass to )escri(e what the% saw#
A!*ost e$er% "erson in that c!ass who ha) first seen the %ong wo*an@s
i*age on a car) saw the %ong wo*an in the "ictre# An) a!*ost e$er%
"erson who ha) first seen the o!) wo*an@s i*age on a car) saw an o!)
wo*an in the "ictre#
The "rofessor then as?e) one st)ent to e<"!ain what he saw to a st)ent on
the o""osite si)e of the roo*# As the% ta!?e) (ac? an) forth7 co**nication
"ro(!e*s f!are) "#
G0hat )o %o *ean7 @o!) !a)%@B She co!)n@t (e *ore than 2J or 22 %ears
o!)HG
GOh7 co*e on# Yo ha$e to (e Do?ing# She@s :JAco!) (e "shing IJHG
G0hat@s the *atter with %oB Are %o (!in)B This !a)% is %ong7 goo)
!oo?ing# I@) !i?e to ta?e her ot# She@s !o$e!%#G
GLo$e!%B She@s an o!) hag#G
The arg*ents went (ac? an) forth7 each "erson sre of7 an) a)a*ant in7 his
or her "osition# A!! of this occrre) in s"ite of one e<cee)ing!% i*"ortant
a)$antage the st)ents7 ha)A*ost of the* ?new ear!% in the )e*onstration
that another "oint of $iew )i)7 in fact7 e<istAso*ething *an% of s wo!)
ne$er a)*it# Ne$erthe!ess7 at first7 on!% a few st)ents rea!!% trie) to see this
"ictre fro* another fra*e of reference#
After a "erio) of fti!e co**nication7 one st)ent went " to the screen
an) "ointe) to a !ine on the )rawing# GThere is the %ong wo*an@s
nec?!ace#G The other one sai)7 GNo7 that is the o!) wo*an@s *oth#G
Gra)a!!%7 the% (egan to ca!*!% )iscss s"ecific "oints of )ifference7 an)
fina!!% one st)ent7 an) then another7
e<"erience) s))en recognition when the i*ages of (oth ca*e into focs#
Throgh contine) ca!*7 res"ectf!7 an) s"ecific co**nication7 each of s
in the roo* was fina!!% a(!e to see the other "oint of $iew# Bt when we
!oo?e) awa% an) then (ac?7 *ost of s wo!) i**e)iate!% see the i*age we
ha) (een con)itione) to see in the ten,secon) "erio) of ti*e#
I freFent!% se this "erce"tion )e*onstration in wor?ing with "eo"!e an)
organiCations (ecase it %ie!)s so *an% )ee" insights into (oth "ersona! an)
inter"ersona! effecti$eness# It shows7 first of a!!7 how "owerf!!%
con)itioning affects or "erce"tions7 or "ara)ig*s# If ten secon)s can ha$e
that ?in) of i*"act on the wa% we see things7 what a(ot the con)itioning of
a !ifeti*eB The inf!ences in or !i$esAfa*i!%7 schoo!7 chrch7 wor?
en$iron*ent7 frien)s7 associates7 an) crrent socia! "ara)ig*s sch as the
Persona!it% EthicAa!! ha$e *a)e their si!ent nconscios i*"act on s an)
he!" sha"e or fra*e of reference7 or "ara)ig*s7 or *a"s#
It a!so shows that these "ara)ig*s are the sorce of or attit)es an)
(eha$iors# 0e cannot act with integrit% otsi)e of the*# 0e si*"!% cannot
*aintain who!eness if we ta!? an) wa!? )ifferent!% than we see# If %o were
a*ong the KJ "ercent who t%"ica!!% see the %ong wo*an in the co*"osite
"ictre when con)itione) to )o so7 %o n)o(te)!% fon) it )iffic!t to
thin? in ter*s of ha$ing to he!" her cross the street# Both %or attit)e a(ot
her an) %or (eha$ior towar) her ha) to (e congrent with the wa% %o saw
her#
This (rings into focs one of the (asic f!aws of the Persona!it% Ethic# To tr%
to change otwar) attit)es an) (eha$iors )oes $er% !itt!e goo) in the !ong
rn if we fai! to e<a*ine the (asic "ara)ig*s fro* which those attit)es an)
(eha$iors f!ow#
This "erce"tion )e*onstration a!so shows how "owerf!!% or "ara)ig*s
affect the wa% we interact with other "eo"!e# As c!ear!% an) o(Decti$e!% as
we thin? we see things7 we (egin to rea!iCe that others see the* )ifferent!%
fro* their own a""arent!% eFa!!% c!ear an) o(Decti$e "oint of $iew# G0here
we stan) )e"en)s on where we sit#G
Each of s ten)s to thin? we see things as the% are7 that we are o(Decti$e# Bt
this is not the case# 0e see the wor!)7 not as it is7 (t as we areAor7 as we
are con)itione) to see it# 0hen we o"en or *oths to )escri(e what we see7
we in effect )escri(e orse!$es7 or "erce"tions7 or "ara)ig*s# 0hen other
"eo"!e )isagree with
s7 we i**e)iate!% thin? so*ething is wrong with the*# Bt7 as the
)e*onstration shows7 sincere7 c!earhea)e) "eo"!e see things )ifferent!%7
each !oo?ing throgh the niFe !ens of e<"erience#
This )oes not *ean that there are no facts# In the )e*onstration7 two
in)i$i)a!s who initia!!% ha$e (een inf!ence) (% )ifferent con)itioning
"ictres !oo? at the thir) "ictre together# The% are now (oth !oo?ing at the
sa*e i)entica! factsA(!ac? !ines an) white s"acesAan) the% wo!) (oth
ac?now!e)ge these as facts# Bt each "erson@s inter"retation of these facts
re"resents "rior e<"eriences7 an) the facts ha$e no *eaning whatsoe$er
a"art fro* the inter"retation#
The *ore aware we are of or (asic "ara)ig*s7 *a"s7 or ass*"tions7 an)
the e<tent to which we ha$e (een inf!ence) (% or e<"erience7 the *ore we
can ta?e res"onsi(i!it% for those "ara)ig*s7 e<a*ine the*7 test the* against
rea!it%7 !isten to others an) (e o"en to their "erce"tions7 there(% getting a
(igger "ictre an) a far *ore o(Decti$e $iew#
The Power of a Para)ig* Shift
Perha"s the *ost i*"ortant insight to (e gaine) fro* the "erce"tion
)e*onstration is in the area of "ara)ig* shifting7 what we *ight ca!! the
GAhaHG e<"erience when so*eone fina!!% GseesG the co*"osite "ictre in
another wa%# The *ore (on) a "erson is (% the initia! "erce"tion7 the *ore
"owerf! the GAhaHG e<"erience is# It@s as thogh a !ight were s))en!%
trne) on insi)e#
The ter* "ara)ig* shift was intro)ce) (% Tho*as 'hn in his high!%
inf!entia! !an)*ar? (oo?7 The Strctre of Scientific Re$o!tions# 'hn
shows how a!*ost e$er% significant (rea?throgh in the fie!) of scientific
en)ea$or is first a (rea? with tra)ition7 with o!) wa%s of thin?ing7 with o!)
"ara)ig*s#
For Pto!e*%7 the great Eg%"tian astrono*er7 the earth was the center of the
ni$erse# Bt Co"ernics create) a "ara)ig* shift7 an) a great )ea! of
resistance an) "ersection as we!!7 (% "!acing the sn at the center#
S))en!%7 e$er%thing too? on a )ifferent inter"retation#
Tie Newtonian *o)e! of "h%sics was a c!oc?wor? "ara)ig* an) is sti!! the
(asis of *o)ern engineering# Bt it was "artia!7 inco*"!ete# The scientific
wor!) was re$o!tioniCe) (% the Einsteinian "ara)ig*7 the re!ati$it%
"ara)ig*7 which ha) *ch higher "re)icti$e an) e<"!anator% $a!e#
.nti! the ger* theor% was )e$e!o"e)7 a high "ercentage of# wo*en an)
chi!)ren )ie) )ring chi!)(irth7 an) no one co!) n)erstan) wh%# In
*i!itar% s?ir*ishes7 *ore *en were )%ing fro* s*a!! won)s an) )iseases
than fro* the *aDor tra*as on the front !ines# Bt as soon as the ger*
theor% was )e$e!o"e)7 a who!e new "ara)ig*7 Oa (etter7 i*"ro$e) wa% of
n)erstan)ing what was ha""ening *a)e )ra*atic7 significant *e)ica!
i*"ro$e*ent "ossi(!e#
The .nite) States to)a% is the# frit of a "ara)ig* shift# The tra)itiona!
conce"t of go$ern*ent for centries ha) (een a *onarch%7 the )i$ine right
of ?ings# Then a )ifferent "ara)ig* was )e$e!o"e)Ago$ern*ent of the
"eo"!e7 (% the "eo"!e7 an) for the "eo"!e# An) a constittiona! )e*ocrac%
was (orn7 n!eashing tre*en)os h*an energ% an) ingenit%7 an) creating
a stan)ar) of !i$ing7 of free)o* an) !i(ert%7 of inf!ence an) ho"e neFa!e)
in the histor% of the wor!)#
Not a!! "ara)ig* shifts are in "ositi$e )irections# As we ha$e o(ser$e)7 the
shift fro* the Character Ethic to the Persona!it% Ethic has )rawn s awa%
fro* the $er% roots that norish tre sccess an) ha""iness#
Bt whether the% shift s in "ositi$e or negati$e )irections7 whether the% are
instantaneos or )e$e!o"*enta!7 "ara)ig* shifts *o$e s fro* one wa% of
seeing the wor!) to another# An) those shifts create "owerf! change# Or
"ara)ig*s7 correct or incorrect7 are the sorces of or attit)es an)
(eha$iors7 an) !ti*ate!% or re!ationshi"s with others#
I re*e*(er a *ini,"ara)ig* shift I e<"erience) one Sn)a% *orning on a
s(wa% in New Yor?# Peo"!e were sitting Fiet!%A so*e rea)ing
news"a"ers7 so*e !ost in thoght7 so*e resting with their e%es c!ose)# It was
a ca!*7 "eacef! scene#
Then s))en!%7 a *an an) his chi!)ren entere) the s(wa% car# The chi!)ren
were so !o) an) ra*(nctios that instant!% the who!e c!i*ate change)#
The *an sat )own ne<t to *e an) c!ose) his e%es7 a""arent!% o(!i$ios to
the sitation# The chi!)ren were %e!!ing (ac? an) forth7 throwing things7
e$en gra((ing "eo"!e@s "a"ers# It was $er% )istr(ing# An) %et7 the *an
sitting ne<t to *e )i) nothing# 7 It was )iffic!t not to fee! irritate)# I co!)
not (e!ie$e that he co!) (e so insensiti$e as to !et his chi!)ren rn wi!) !i?e
that an) )o nothing a(ot it7 ta?ing no res"onsi(i!it% at a!!# It was eas% to
see that e$er%one e!se on the s(wa% fe!t irritate)7 too# So fina!!%7 with what
I fe!t was nsa! "atience an) restraint7 I trne) to hi* an) sai)7 GSir7 %or
chi!)ren are rea!!% )istr(ing a !ot of "eo"!e# I won)er if %o co!)n@t contro!
the* a !itt!e *oreBG
The *an !ifte) his gaCe as if to co*e to a consciosness of the sitation for
the first ti*e an) sai) soft!%7 GOh7 %o@re right# I gess I sho!) )o
so*ething a(ot it# 0e Dst ca*e fro* the hos"ita! where their *other )ie)
a(ot an hor ago# I )on@t ?now what to thin?7 an) I gess the% )on@t ?now
how to han)!e it either#G
Can %o i*agine what I fe!t at that *o*entB -% "ara)ig* shifte)# S))en!%
I saw things )ifferent!%7 an) (ecase I saw )ifferent!%7 I thoght )ifferent!%7
I fe!t )ifferent!%7 I (eha$e) )ifferent!%# -% irritation $anishe)# I )i)n@t ha$e
to worr% a(ot contro!!ing *% attit)e or *% (eha$iorE *% heart was fi!!e)
with the *an@s "ain# Fee!ings of s%*"ath% an) co*"assion f!owe) free!%#
GYor wife Dst )ie)B Oh7 I@* so sorr%H Can %o te!! *e a(ot itB 0hat can >
)o to he!"BG E$er%thing change) in an instant#
-an% "eo"!e e<"erience a si*i!ar fn)a*enta! shift in thin?ing when the%
face a !ife,threatening crisis an) s))en!% see their "riorities in a )ifferent
!ight7 or when the% s))en!% ste" into a new ro!e7 sch as that of hs(an) or
wife7 "arent or gran)"arent7 *anager or !ea)er#
0e co!) s"en) wee?s7 *onths7 e$en %ears !a(oring with the Persona!it%
Ethic tr%ing to change or attit)es an) (eha$iors an) not e$en (egin to
a""roach the "heno*enon of change that occrs s"ontaneos!% when we see
things )ifferent!%#
It (eco*es o($ios that if we want to *a?e re!ati$e!% *inor changes in or
!i$es@7 we can "erha"s a""ro"riate!% focs on or attit)es an) (eha$iors#
Bt if we want to *a?e significant7 Fant* change7 we nee) to wor? on
or (asic "ara)ig*s#
In the wor)s of Thorea7 GFor e$er% thosan) hac?ing at the !ea$es of e$i!7
there is one stri?ing at the root#G 0e can on!% achie$e Fant*
i*"ro$e*ents in or !i$es as we Fit hac?ing at the !ea$es of attit)e an)
(eha$ior an) get to wor? on the root7 the "ara)ig*s fro* which or attit)es
an) (eha$iors f!ow#
Seeing an) Being
Of corse7 not a!! "ara)ig* shifts are instantaneos# .n!i?e *% instant
insight on the s(wa%7 the "ara)ig*,shifting e<"erience
San)ra an) I ha) with or son was a s!ow7 )iffic!t7 an) )e!i(erate "rocess#
The a""roach we ha) first ta?en with hi* was the otgrowth of %ears of
con)itioning an) e<"erience in the Persona!it% Ethic# It was the res!t of
)ee"er "ara)ig*s we he!) a(ot or own sccess as "arents as we!! as the
*easre of sccess of or chi!)ren# An) it was not nti! we change) those
(asic "ara)ig*s7 nti! we saw things )ifferent!%7 that we were a(!e to create
Fant* change in orse!$es an) in the sitation#
In or)er to see or son )ifferent!%7 San)ra an) I ha) to (e )ifferent!%# Or
new "ara)ig* was create) as we in$este) in the growth an) )e$e!o"*ent of
or own character#
Para)ig*s are inse"ara(!e fro* character# Being is seeing in the h*an
)i*ension# An) what we see is high!% interre!ate) to what we are# 0e can@t
go $er% tar to change or seeing withot si*!taneos!% changing or (eing7
an) $ice $ersa#
E$en in *% a""arent!% instantaneos "ara)ig*,shifting e<"erience that
*orning on the s(wa%7 *% change of $ision was a res!t @ ofAan)
!i*ite) (%A*% (asic character#
I@* sre there are "eo"!e who7 e$en s))en!% n)erstan)ing the tre
sitation7 wo!) ha$e fe!t no *ore than a twinge of regret or $age gi!t as
the% contine) to sit in e*(arrasse) si!ence (esi)e the grie$ing7 confse)
*an# On the other han)7 I a* PQ eFa!!% certain there are "eo"!e who wo!)
ha$e (een far *ore R sensiti$e in the first "!ace7 who *a% ha$e recogniCe)
that a )ee"er "ro(!e* e<iste) an) reache) ot to n)erstan) an) he!" (efore
I )i)#
Para)ig*s are "owerf! (ecase the% create the !ens throgh which we see
the wor!)# The "ower of a "ara)ig* shift is the essentia! "ower of Fant*
change7 whether that shift is an D instantaneos or a s!ow an) )e!i(erate
"rocess#
The Princi"!e,Centere) Para)ig*
B The Character Ethic is (ase) on the fn)a*enta! i)ea that there
are "rinci"!es that go$ern h*an effecti$enessAnatra! !aws in the
I h*an )i*ension that are Dst as rea!7 Dst as nchanging an) narga(!%
GthereG as !aws sch as gra$it% are in the "h%sica!
I )i*ension#
S! $ An i)ea of the rea!it%Aan) the i*"actAof these "rinci"!es can
P,@ (e ca"tre) in another "ara)ig*,shifting e<"erience as to!) (% Fran?
'och in Procee)ings7 the *agaCine of the Na$a! Institte#
Two (att!eshi"s assigne) to the training sFa)ron ha) (een at sea on
*ane$ers in hea$% weather for se$era! )a%s# I was ser$ing on the !ea)
(att!eshi" an) was on watch on the (ri)ge as night fe!!# The $isi(i!it% was
"oor with "atch% fog7 so the ca"tain re*aine) on the (ri)ge ?ee"ing an e%e
on a!! acti$ities#
Short!% after )ar?7 the !oo?ot on the wing of the (ri)ge re"orte)7 GLight7
(earing on the star(oar) (ow#G
GIs it stea)% or *o$ing asternBG the ca"tain ca!!e) ot#
Loo?ot re"!ie)7 GStea)%7 ca"tain7G which *eant we were on a )angeros
co!!ision corse with that shi"#
The ca"tain then ca!!e) to the signa!*an7 GSigna! that shi"L 0e are on a
co!!ision corse7 a)$ise %o change corse 2J )egrees#G
Bac? ca*e a signa!7 GA)$isa(!e for %o to change corse 2J )egrees#G
The ca"tain sai)7 GSen)7 I@* a ca"tain7 change corse 2J )egrees#G
GI@* a sea*an secon) c!ass7G ca*e the re"!%# GYo ha) (etter change corse
2J )egrees#G
B% that ti*e7 the ca"tain was frios# He s"at ot7 GSen)7 I@* a (att!eshi"#
Change corse 2J )egrees#G
Bac? ca*e the f!ashing !ight7 GI@* a !ighthose#G
0e change) corse#
The "ara)ig* shift e<"erience) (% the ca"tainAan) (% s as we rea) this
accontA"ts the sitation in a tota!!% )ifferent !ight# 0e can see a rea!it%
that is s"erce)e) (% his !i*ite) "erce"tionAa rea!it% that is as critica! for
s to n)erstan) in or )ai!% !i$es as it was for the ca"tain in the fog#
Princi"!es are !i?e !ighthoses# The% are natra! !aws that cannot (e (ro?en#
As Ceci! B# )e-i!!e o(ser$e) of the "rinci"!es containe) in his *on*enta!
*o$ie7 The Ten Co**an)*ents7 GIt is i*"ossi(!e for s to (rea? the !aw#
0e can on!% (rea? orse!$es against the !aw#G
0hi!e in)i$i)a!s *a% !oo? at their own !i$es an) interactions in ter*s of
"ara)ig*s or *a"s e*erging ot of their e<"erience an) con)itioning7 these
*a"s are not the territor%# The% are a Gs(Decti$e rea!it%7G on!% an atte*"t to
)escri(e the territor%#
The Go(Decti$e rea!it%7G or the territor% itse!f7 is co*"ose) of G!ighthoseG
"rinci"!es that go$ern h*an growth an) ha""inessAnatra! !aws that are
wo$en into the fa(ric of e$er% ci$i!iCe) societ% throghot histor% an)
co*"rise the roots of e$er% fa*i!% an) instittion that has en)re) an)
"ros"ere)# The )egree to which or *enta! *a"s accrate!% )escri(e the
territor% )oes not a!ter its e<istence#

The rea!it% of sch "rinci"!es or natra! !aws (eco*es o($ios to an%one
who thin?s )ee"!% an) e<a*ines the c%c!es of socia! histor%# These
"rinci"!es srface ti*e an) ti*e again7 an) the )egree to which "eo"!e in a
societ% recogniCe an) !i$e in har*on% with the* *o$es the* towar) either
sr$i$a! an) sta(i!it% or )isintegration an) )estrction#
The "rinci"!es I a* referring to are not esoteric7 *%sterios7 or Gre!igiosG
i)eas# There is not one "rinci"!e taght in this (oo? that is niFe to an%
s"ecific faith or re!igion7 inc!)ing *% own# These "rinci"!es are a "art of
*ost e$er% *aDor en)ring re!igion7 as we!! as en)ring socia! "hi!oso"hies
an) ethica! s%ste*s# The% are se!f,e$i)ent an) can easi!% (e $a!i)ate) (% an%
in)i$i)a!# It@s a!*ost as if these "rinci"!es or natra! !aws are "art of the
h*an con)ition7 "art of the h*an consciosness7 "art of the h*an
conscience# The% see* to e<ist in a!! h*an (eings7 regar)!ess of socia!
con)itioning an) !o%a!t% to the*7 e$en thogh the% *ight (e s(*erge) or
n*(e) (% sch con)itions or )is!o%a!t%#
I a* referring7 for e<a*"!e7 to the "rinci"!e of fairness7 ot of which or
who!e conce"t of eFit% an) Dstice is )e$e!o"e)# Litt!e chi!)ren see* to
ha$e an innate sense of the i)ea of fairness e$en a"art fro* o""osite
con)itioning e<"eriences# There are $ast )ifferences in how fairness is
)efine) an) achie$e)7 (t there is# a!*ost ni$ersa! awareness of the i)ea#
Other e<a*"!es wo!) inc!)e integrit% an) honest%# The% create the
fon)ation of trst which is essentia! to coo"eration an) !ong,ter* "ersona!
an) inter"ersona! growth# R Another "rinci"!e is h*an )ignit%# The (asic
conce"t in the L .nite) States &ec!aration of In)e"en)ence (es"ea?s this
$a!e or "rinci"!e# G0e ho!) these trths to (e se!f,e$i)entL that a!! *en are
create) eFa! an) en)owe) (% their Creator with certain ina!iena(!e rights7
that a*ong these are !ife7 !i(ert% an) the "rsit of ha""iness#G
Another "rinci"!e is ser$ice7 or the i)ea of *a?ing a contri(tion# Another is
Fa!it% or e<ce!!ence#
There is the "rinci"!e of "otentia!7 the i)ea that we are e*(r%onic an) can
grow an) )e$e!o" an) re!ease *ore an) *ore "otentia!7 )e$e!o" *ore an)
*ore ta!ents# High!% re!ate) to "otentia! is the "rinci"!e of growthAthe
"rocess of re!easing "otentia! an) )e$e!o"ing ta!ents7 with the acco*"an%ing
nee) for "rinci"!es sch as "atience7 nrtrance7 an) encorage*ent#
Princi"!es are not "ractices# A "ractice is a s"ecific acti$it% or
36
action# A "ractice that wor?s in one circ*stance wi!! not necessari!% wor?
in another7 as "arents who ha$e trie) to raise a secon) chi!) e<act!% !i?e the%
)i) the first can rea)i!% attest#
0hi!e "ractices are sitation a!!% s"ecific7 "rinci"!es are )ee"7 fn)a*enta!
trths that ha$e ni$ersa! a""!ication# The% a""!% to in)i$i)a!s7 to
*arriages7 to fa*i!ies7 to "ri$ate an) "(!ic organiCations of e$er% ?in)#
0hen these trths are interna!iCe) into ha(its7 the% e*"ower "eo"!e to
create a wi)e $ariet% of "ractices to )ea! with )ifferent sitations#
Princi"!es are not $a!es# A gang of thie$es can share $a!es7 (t the% are in
$io!ation of the fn)a*enta! "rinci"!es we@re ta!?ing a(ot# Princi"!es are
the territor%# Va!es are *a"s# 0hen we $a!e correct "rinci"!es7 we ha$e
trthAa ?now!e)ge of things as the% are#
Princi"!es are gi)e!ines for h*an con)ct that are "ro$en to ha$e
en)ring7 "er*anent $a!e# The%@re fn)a*enta!# The%@re essentia!!%
narga(!e (ecase the% are se!f,e$i)ent# One wa% to Fic?!% gras" the se!f,
e$i)ent natre of "rinci"!es is to si*"!% consi)er the a(sr)it% of atte*"ting
to !i$e an effecti$e !ife (ase) on their o""osites# I )o(t that an%one wo!)
serios!% consi)er nfairness7 )eceit7 (aseness7 se!essness7 *e)iocrit%7 or
)egeneration to (e a so!i) fon)ation for !asting ha""iness an) sccess#
A!thogh "eo"!e *a% arge a(ot how these "rinci"!es are )efine) or
*anifeste) or achie$e)7 there see*s to (e an innate consciosness an)
awareness that the% e<ist#
The *ore c!ose!% or *a"s or "ara)ig*s are a!igne) with these "rinci"!es or
natra! !aws7 the *ore accrate an) fnctiona! the% wi!! (e# Correct *a"s
wi!! infinite!% i*"act or "ersona! an) inter"ersona! effecti$eness far *ore
than an% a*ont of effort e<"en)e) on changing or attit)es an) (eha$iors#
Princi"!es of Growth an) Change
The g!itter of the Persona!it% Ethic7 the *assi$e a""ea!7 is that there is so*e
Fic? an) eas% wa% to achie$e Fa!it% of !ifeA "ersona! effecti$eness an)
rich7 )ee" re!ationshi"s with other "eo"!eAwithot going throgh the
natra! "rocess of wor? an) growth that *a?es it "ossi(!e#
It@s s%*(o! withot s(stance# It@s the Gget rich Fic?G sche*e "ro*ising
Gwea!th withot wor?#G An) it *ight e$en a""ear to sccee)A(t the
sche*er re*ains#
38
The Persona!it% Ethic is i!!sor% an) )ece"ti$e# An) tr%ing to get high
Fa!it% res!ts with its techniFes an) Fic? fi<es is Dst a(ot as effecti$e as
fr%ing to get to so*e "!ace in Chicago sing a *a" of &etroit#
In the wor)s of Erich Fro**7 an astte o(ser$er of the roots an) frits of the
Persona!it% EthicL
To)a% we co*e across an in)i$i)a! who (eha$es !i?e an ato*aton7 who
)oes not ?now Or n)erstan) hi*se!f7 an) the on!% "erson that he ?nows is
the "erson that he is s""ose) to (e7 whose *eaning!ess chatter has re"!ace)
co**nicati$e s"eech7 whose s%nthetic s*i!e has re"!ace) genine
!aghter7 an) whose sense of )!! )es"air has ta?en the "!ace of genine
"ain# Two state*ents *a% (e sai) concerning this in)i$i)a!# One is that he
sffers fro* )efects of s"ontaneit% an) in)i$i)a!it% which *a% see* to (e
incra(!e# At the sa*e ti*e it *a% (e sai) of hi* he )oes not )iffer
essentia!!% fro* the *i!!ions of the rest of s who wa!? "on this earth#
In a!! of !ife7 there are seFentia! stages of growth an) )e$e!o"*ent# A chi!)
!earns to trn o$er7 to sit "7 to craw!7 an) then to wa!? an) rn# Each ste" is
i*"ortant an) each one ta?es ti*e# No ste" can (e s?i""e)#
This is tre in a!! "hases of !ife7 in a!! areas of )e$e!o"*ent7 whether it (e
!earning to "!a% the "iano or co**nicate effecti$e!% with a wor?ing
associate# It is tre with in)i$i)a!s7 with *arriages7 with fa*i!ies7 an) with
organiCations#
0e ?now an) acce"t this fact or "rinci"!e of "rocess in the area of "h%sica!
things7 (t to n)erstan) it in e*otiona! areas7 in h*an re!ations7 an) e$en
in the area of "ersona! character is !ess co**on an) *ore )iffic!t# An)
e$en if we n)erstan) it7 to acce"t it an) to !i$e in har*on% with it are e$en
!ess co**on an) *ore )iffic!t# ConseFent!%7 we so*eti*es !oo? for a
shortct7 e<"ecting to (e a(!e to s?i" so*e of these $ita! ste"s in or)er to
sa$e ti*e an) effort an) sti!! rea" the )esire) res!t#
Bt what ha""ens when we atte*"t to shortct a natra! "rocess in or
growth an) )e$e!o"*entB If %o are on!% an a$erage tennis "!a%er (t
)eci)e to "!a% at a higher !e$e! in or)er to *a?e a (etter i*"ression7 what
wi!! res!tB 0o!) "ositi$e thin?ing a!one ena(!e %o to co*"ete effecti$e!%
against a "rofessiona!B
0hat if %o were to !ea) %or frien)s to (e!ie$e %o co!) "!a%

3:
the "iano at concert ha!! !e$e! whi!e %or acta! "resent s?i!! was that of a
(eginnerB
The answers are o($ios# It is si*"!% i*"ossi(!e to $io!ate7 ignore7 or
shortct this )e$e!o"*ent "rocess# It is contrar% to natre7 an) atte*"ting to
see? sch a shortct on!% res!ts in )isa""oint*ent an) frstration#
On a ten,"oint sca!e7 if I a* at !e$e! two in an% fie!)7 an) )esire to *o$e to
!e$e! fi$e7 I *st first ta?e the ste" towar) !e$e! three# GA thosan),*i!e
Dorne% (egins with the first ste"G an) can on!% (e ta?en one ste" at a ti*e#
If %o )on@t !et a teacher ?now at what !e$e! %o areA(% as?ing ? Festion7
or re$ea!ing %or ignoranceA%o wi!! not !earn or grow# Yo cannot
"reten) for !ong7 for %o wi!! e$enta!!% (e fon) ot# A)*ission of
ignorance is #often the first ste" in or e)cation# Thorea taght7 GHow can
we re*e*(er or ignorance7 which or growth reFires7 when we are sing
or ?now!e)ge a!! the ti*eBG
I reca!! one occasion when two %ong wo*en7 )aghters of a frien) of *ine7
ca*e to *e tearf!!%7 co*"!aining a(ot their father@s harshness an) !ac? of
n)erstan)ing# The% were afrai) to o"en " with their "arents for fear of the
conseFences# An) %et the% )es"erate!% nee)e) their "arents@ !o$e7
n)erstan)ing7 an) gi)ance#
I ta!?e) with the father an) fon) that he was inte!!ecta!!% aware of what
was ha""ening# Bt whi!e he a)*itte) he ha) a te*"er "ro(!e*7 he refse)
to ta?e res"onsi(i!it% for it an) to honest!% acce"t the fact that his e*otiona!
)e$e!o"*ent !e$e! was !ow# It was *ore than his "ri)e co!) swa!!ow to ta?e
the first ste" towar) change#
To re!ate effecti$e!% with a wife7 a hs(an)7 chi!)ren7 frien)s7 or wor?ing
associates7 we *st !earn to !isten# An) this reFires e*otiona! strength#
Listening in$o!$es "atience7 o"enness7 an) the )esire to n)erstan)Ahigh!%
)e$e!o"e) Fa!ities of character# It@s so *ch easier to o"erate fro* a !ow
e*otiona! !e$e! an) to gi$e high,!e$e! a)$ice#
Or !e$e! of )e$e!o"*ent is fair!% o($ios with tennis or "iano "!a%ing7
where it is i*"ossi(!e to "reten)# Bt it is not so o($ios in the areas of
character an) e*otiona! )e$e!o"*ent# 0e can G"oseG an) G"t onG for a
stranger or an associate# 0e can "reten)# An) for a whi!e we can get (% with
itAat !east in "(!ic# 0e *ight e$en )ecei$e orse!$es# Yet I (e!ie$e that
*ost of s
3I
?now the trth of what we rea!!% are insi)eE an) I thin? *an% of those we
!i$e with an) wor? with )o as we!!#
I ha$e seen the conseFences of atte*"ting to shortct this natra! "rocess
of growth often in the (siness wor!)7 where e<ecti$es atte*"t to G(%G a
new c!tre of i*"ro$e) "ro)cti$it%7 Fa!it%7 *ora!e7 an) csto*er ser$ice
with strong s"eeches7 s*i!e training7 an) e<terna! inter$entions7 or throgh
*ergers7 acFisitions7 an) frien)!% or nfrien)!% ta?eo$ers# Bt the% ignore
the !ow,trst c!i*ate "ro)ce) (% sch *ani"!ations# 0hen these *etho)s
)on@t wor?7 the% !oo? for other Persona!it% Ethic techniFes that wi!!,Oa!! the
ti*e ignoring an) $io!ating the natra! "rinci"!es an) "rocesses on which a
high,trst c!tre is (ase)#
I re*e*(er $io!ating this "rinci"!e *%se!f as a father *an% %ears ago# One
)a% I retrne) ho*e to ra% !itt!e gir!@s thir),%ear (irth)a% "art% to fin) her in
the corner of the front roo*7 )efiant!% c!tching a!! of her "resents7
nwi!!ing to !et the other chi!)ren "!a% with the*# The first thing I notice)
was se$era! "arents in the roo* witnessing this se!fish )is"!a%# I was
e*(arrasse)7 an) )o(!% so (ecase at the ti*e I was teaching ni$ersit%
c!asses in h*an re!ations# An) I ?new7 or at !east fe!t7 the e<"ectation of
these "arents#
The at*os"here in the roo* was rea!!% charge)Athe chi!)ren were
crow)ing aron) *% !itt!e )aghter with their han)s ot7 as?ing to "!a% with
the "resents the% ha) Dst gi$en7 an) *% )aghter was a)a*ant!% refsing# I
sai) to *%se!f7 GCertain!% I sho!) teach *% )aghter to share# The $a!e of
sharing is one of the *ost (asic things we (e!ie$e in#G
So I first trie) a si*"!e reFest# GHone%7 wo!) %o "!ease share with %or
frien)s the to%s the%@$e gi$en %oBG
GNo7G she re"!ie) f!at!%#
-% secon) *etho) was to se a !itt!e reasoning# GHone%7 if %o !earn to
share %or to%s with the* when the% are at %or ho*e7 then when %o go to
their ho*es the% wi!! share their to%s with %o#G
Again7 the i**e)iate re"!% was GNoHG
I was (eco*ing a !itt!e *ore e*(arrasse)7 for it was e$i)ent I was ha$ing no
inf!ence# The thir) *etho) was (ri(er%# Ver% soft!% I sai)7 GHone%7 if %o
share7 I@$e got a s"ecia! sr"rise for %o# I@!! gi$e %o a "iece of g*#G

3K
GI )on@t want g*HG she e<"!o)e)#
Now I was (eco*ing e<as"erate)# For *% forth atte*"t7 I resorte) to fear
an) threat# G.n!ess %o share7 %o wi!! (e in rea! tro(!eHG
GI )on@t careHG she crie)# GThese are *% things# I )on@t ha$e to shareHG
Fina!!%7 I resorte) to force# I *ere!% too? so*e of the to%s an) ga$e the* to
the other ?i)s# GHere7 ?i)s7 "!a% with these#G
Perha"s *% )aghter nee)e) the e<"erience of "ossessing the things (efore
she co!) gi$e the*# MIn fact7 n!ess I "ossess so*ething7 can I e$er rea!!%
gi$e itBN She nee)e) *e as her father to ha$e a higher !e$e! of e*otiona!
*atrit% to gi$e her that e<"erience#
Bt at that *o*ent7 I $a!e) the o"inion those "arents ha) of *e *ore than
the growth an) )e$e!o"*ent of *% chi!) an) or re!ationshi" together# I
si*"!% *a)e an initia! D)g*ent that I was rightE she sho!) share7 an) she
was wrong in not )oing so#
Perha"s I s"eri*"ose) a higher,!e$e! e<"ectation on her si*"!% (ecase on
*% own sca!e I was at a !ower !e$e!# I was na(!e or nwi!!ing to gi$e
"atience or n)erstan)ing7 so I e<"ecte) her to gi$e things# In an atte*"t to
co*"ensate for *% )eficienc%7 I (orrowe) strength fro* *% "osition an)
athorit% an) force) her to )o what I wante) her to )o#
Bt (orrowing strength (i!)s wea?ness# It (i!)s wea?ness in the (orrower
(ecase it reinforces )e"en)ence on e<terna! factors to get things )one# It
(i!)s wea?ness in the "erson force) to acFiesce7 stnting the )e$e!o"*ent
of in)e"en)ent reasoning7 growth7 an) interna! )isci"!ine# An) fina!!%7 it
(i!)s wea?ness in the re!ationshi"# Fear re"!aces coo"eration7 an) (oth
"eo"!e in$o!$e) (eco*e *ore ar(itrar% an) )efensi$e#
An) what ha""ens when the sorce of (orrowe) strengthA(e it E s"erior
siCe or "h%sica! strength7 "osition7 athorit%7 cre)entia!s7 s stats s%*(o!s7
a""earance7 or "ast achie$e*entsAchanges or is no !onger thereB
Ha) I (een *ore *atre7 I co!) ha$e re!ie) on *% own intrinsic s strength
A*% n)erstan)ing of sharing an) of growth an) *% ca"acit% to !o$e an)
nrtreAan) a!!owe) *% )aghter to *a?e a free choice as to whether she
wante) to share or not to share# Perha"s after atte*"ting to reason with her7 I
co!) ha$e trne) tithe attention of the chi!)ren to an interesting ga*e7
ta?ing a!! that e*otiona! "ressre off *% chi!)# I@$e !earne) that once
chi!)ren
4J THE SEVEN HANTS OF HIGHLY B*CT!VE PEOPLE
gain a sense of rea! "ossession7 the% share $er% natra!!%7 free!%7 an)
s"ontaneos!%#
-% e<"erience has (een that there are ti*es to teach an) ti*es not to teach#
0hen re!ationshi"s are straine) an) the air charge) with e*otion7 an atte*"t
to teach is often "ercei$e) as a for* of D)g*ent an) reDection# Bt to ta?e
the chi!) a!one7 Fiet!%7 when the re!ationshi" is goo) an) to )iscss the
teaching or the $a!e see*s to ha$e *ch greater i*"act# It *a% ha$e (een
that the e*otiona! *atrit% to )o that was (e%on) *% !e$e! of "atience an)
interna! contro! at the ti*e#
Perha"s a sense of "ossessing nee)s to co*e (efore a sense of genine
sharing# -an% "eo"!e who gi$e *echanica!!% or refse to gi$e an) share in
their *arriages an) fa*i!ies *a% ne$er ha$e e<"erience) what it *eans to
"ossess the*se!$es7 their own sense of i)entit% an) se!f,worth# Rea!!%
he!"ing or chi!)ren grow *a% in$o!$e (eing "atient enogh to a!!ow the*
the sense of "ossession as we!! as (eing wise enogh to teach the* the $a!e
of gi$ing an) "ro$i)ing the e<a*"!e orse!$es#
The 0a% 0e See the Pro(!e* Is the Pro(!e*
Peo"!e are intrige) when the% see goo) things ha""ening in the !i$es of
in)i$i)a!s7 fa*i!ies7 an) organiCations that are (ase) on so!i) "rinci"!es#
The% a)*ire sch "ersona! strength an) *atrit%7 sch fa*i!% nit% an)
tea*wor?7 sch a)a"ti$e s%nergistic organiCationa! c!tre#
An) their i**e)iate reFest is $er% re$ea!ing of their (asic "ara)ig*# GHow
)o %o )o itB Teach *e the techniFes#G 0hat the%@re rea!!% sa%ing is7 GGi$e
*e so*e Fic? fi< a)$ice or so!tion that wi!! re!ie$e the "ain in *% own
sitation#G
The% wi!! fin) "eo"!e who wi!! *eet their wants an) teach these thingsE an)
for a short ti*e7 s?i!!s an) techniFes *a% a""ear to wor?# The% *a%
e!i*inate so*e of the cos*etic or acte "ro(!e*s throgh socia! as"irin an)
(an),ai)s#
Bt the n)er!%ing chronic con)ition re*ains7 an) e$enta!!% new acte
s%*"to*s wi!! a""ear# The *ore "eo"!e are into Fic? fi< an) focs on the
acte "ro(!e*s an) "ain7 the *ore that $er% a""roach contri(tes to the
n)er!%ing chronic con)ition#
The wa% we see the "ro(!e* is the "ro(!e*#
Loo? again at so*e of the concerns that intro)ce) this cha"ter7
an) at the i*"act of Persona!it% Ethic thin?ing# T

41
I@$e ta?en corse after corse on effecti$e *anage*ent training# I e<"ect a
!ot ot of *% e*"!o%ees an) I wor? har) to (e frien)!% towar) the* an) to
treat the* right# Bt I )on@t fee! an% !o%a!t% fro* the*# I thin? if 1 were
ho*e sic? for a )a%7 the%@) s"en) *ost of their ti*e ga((ing at the water
fontain# 0h% can@t 1 train the* to (e in)e"en)ent an) res"onsi(!eAor fin)
e*"!o%ees who can (eB
The Persona!it% Ethic te!!s *e I co!) ta?e so*e ?in) of )ra*atic actionA
sha?e things "7 *a?e hea)s ro!!Athat wo!) *a?e *% e*"!o%ees sha"e "
an) a""reciate what the% ha$e# Or that I co!) fin) so*e *oti$ationa!
training "rogra* that wo!) get the* co**itte)# Or e$en that I co!) hire
new "eo"!e that wo!) )o a (etter Do(#
Bt is it "ossi(!e that n)er that a""arent!% )is!o%a! (eha$ior7 these
e*"!o%ees Festion whether I rea!!% act in their (est interestB &o the% fee!
!i?e I@* treating the* as *echanica! o(DectsB Is there so*e trth to thatB
&ee" insi)e7 is that rea!!% the wa% I see the*B Is there a chance the wa% I
!oo? at the "eo"!e who wor? for *e is "art of the "ro(!e*B
There@s so *ch to )o# An) there@s ne$er enogh ti*e# I fee! "ressre) an)
hass!e) a!! )a%7 e$er% )a%7 se$en )a%s a wee?# I@$e atten)e) ti*e
*anage*ent se*inars an) I@$e trie) ha!f a )oCen )ifferent "!anning s%ste*s#
The%@$e he!"e) so*e7 (t I sti!! )on@t fee! I@* !i$ing the ha""%7 "ro)cti$e7
"eacef! !ife I want to !i$e#
The Persona!it% Ethic te!!s *e there *st (e so*ething ot thereAso*e
new "!anner or se*inar that wi!! he!" *e han)!e a!! these "ressres in a
*ore efficient wa%#
Bt is there a chance that efficienc% is not the answerB Is getting *ore things
)one in !ess ti*e going to *a?e a )ifferenceAor wi!! it Dst increase the
"ace at which I react to the "eo"!e an) circ*stances that see* to contro!
*% !ifeB S
Co!) there (e so*ething I nee) to see in a )ee"er7 *ore fn)a*enta! wa%
Aso*e "ara)ig* within *%se!f that affects the wa% I see *% ti*e7 *% !ife7
an) *% own natreB
-% *arriage has gone f!at# 0e )on@t fight or an%thingE we Dst )on@t !o$e
each other an%*ore# 0e@$e gone to conse!ingE we@$e trie) a n*(er of
things7 (t we Dst can@t see* to re?in)!e the fee!ing we se) to ha$e#
42
The Persona!it% Ethic te!!s *e there *st (e so*e new (oo? or so*e
se*inar where "eo"!e get a!! their fee!ings ot that wo!) he!" *% wife
n)erstan) *e (etter# Or *a%(e that if s se!ess77 an) on!% a new
re!ationshi" wi!! "ro$i)e the !o$e I nee)#
Bt is it "ossi(!e that *% s"ose isn@t the rea! "ro(!e*B Co!) I (e
e*"owering *% s"ose@s wea?nesses an) *a?ing *% !ife a fnction of the
wa% I@* treate)B
&o I ha$e so*e (asic "ara)ig* a(ot *% s"ose7 a(ot *arriage7 a(ot
what !o$e rea!!% is7 that is fee)ing the "ro(!e*B
Can %o see how fn)a*enta!!% the "ara)ig*s of the Persona!it% Ethic
affect the $er% wa% we see or "ro(!e*s as we!! as the wa% we atte*"t to
so!$e the*B
0hether "eo"!e see it or not7 *an% are (eco*ing )isi!!sione) with the
e*"t% "ro*ises of the Persona!it% Ethic# As I tra$e! aron) the contr% an)
wor? with organiCations7 I fin) that !ong,ter* thin?ing e<ecti$es are
si*"!% trne) off (% "s%ch " "s%cho!og% an) G*oti$ationa!G s"ea?ers who
ha$e nothing *ore to share than entertaining stories *ing!e) with "!atit)es#
The% want s(stanceE the% want "rocess# The% want *ore than as"irin an)
(an),ai)s# The% want to so!$e the chronic n)er!%ing "ro(!e*s an) focs on
the "rinci"!es that (ring !ong,ter* res!ts#
A New Le$e! of Thin?ing
A!(ert Einstein o(ser$e)7 GThe significant "ro(!e*s we face cannot (e
so!$e) at the sa*e !e$e! of thin?ing we were at when we create) the*#G
As we !oo? aron) s an) within s an) recogniCe the "ro(!e*s create) as
we !i$e an) interact within the Persona!it% Ethic7 we (egin to rea!iCe that
these are )ee"7 fn)a*enta! "ro(!e*s that cannot (e so!$e) on the
s"erficia! !e$e! on which the% were create)#
0e nee) a new !e$e!7 a )ee"er !e$e! of thin?ingAa "ara)ig* (ase) on the
"rinci"!es that accrate!% )escri(e the territor% of effecti$e h*an (eing an)
interactingAto so!$e these )ee" concerns#
This new !e$e! of thin?ing is what Se$en Ha(its of High!% Effecti$e Peo"!e
is a(ot# It@s a "rinci"!e,centere)7 @character,(ase)7 G G a""roach to "ersona!
an) inter"ersona! effecti$eness#
G G *eans to start first with se!fE e$en *ore fn)a*en,

43
ta!!%7 to start with the *ost insi)e "art of se!fAwith %or "ara)ig*s7 %or
character7 an) %or *oti$es#
It sa%s if %o want to ha$e a ha""% *arriage7 (e the ?in) of "erson who
generates "ositi$e energ% an) si)este"s negati$e energ% rather than
e*"owering it# If %o want to ha$e a *ore "!easant7 coo"erati$e teenager7 (e
a *ore n)erstan)ing7 e*"athic7 consistent7 !o$ing "arent# If %o want to
ha$e *ore free)o*7 *ore !atit)e in %or Do(7 (e a *ore res"onsi(!e7 a *ore
he!"f!7 a *ore contri(ting e*"!o%ee# If %o want to (e trste)7 (e trst,
worth%# If %o want the secon)ar% greatness of recogniCe) ta!ent7 focs first
on "ri*ar% greatness of character#
The insi)e,ot a""roach sa%s that "ri$ate $ictories "rece)e "(!ic $ictories7
that *a?ing an) ?ee"ing "ro*ises to orse!$es "rece)es *a?ing an)
?ee"ing "ro*ises to others# It sa%s it is fti!e to "t "ersona!it% ahea) of
character7 to tr% to i*"ro$e re!ationshi"s with others (efore i*"ro$ing
orse!$es#
is a "rocessAa contining "rocess of renewa! (ase) on the natra! !aws
that go$ern h*an growth an) "rogress# It@s an "war) s"ira! of growth that
!ea)s to "rogressi$e!% higher for*s of res"onsi(!e in)e"en)ence an)
effecti$e inter)e"en)ence#
I ha$e ha) the o""ortnit% to wor? with *an% "eo"!eA won)erf! "eo"!e7
ta!ente) "eo"!e7 "eo"!e who )ee"!% want to achie$e ha""iness an) sccess7
"eo"!e who are searching7 "eo"!e who are hrting# I@$e wor?e) with (siness
e<ecti$es7 co!!ege st)ents7 chrch an) ci$ic gro"s7 fa*i!ies an) *arriage
"artners# An) in a!! of *% e<"erience7 I ha$e ne$er seen !asting so!tions to
"ro(!e*s7 !asting ha""iness an) sccess7 that ca*e fro* the otsi)e in#
0hat I ha$e seen res!t fro* the otsi)e,in "ara)ig* is nha""% "eo"!e who
fee! $icti*iCe) an) i**o(i!iCe) who focs on the wea?nesses of other
"eo"!e an) the circ*stances the% fee! are res"onsi(!e for their own stagnant
sitation# I@$e seen nha""% *arriages where each s"ose wants the other to
change7 where each is confessing the other@s Gsins7G where each is tr%ing to
sha"e " the other# I@$e seen !a(or *anage*ent )is"tes where "eo"!e s"en)
tre*en)os a*onts of ti*e an) energ% tr%ing to create !egis!ation that
wo!) force "eo"!e to act as thogh the fon)ation of trst were rea!!% there#
-e*(ers of or fa*i!% ha$e !i$e) in three of the GhottestG s"ots on earthA
Soth Africa7 Israe!7 an) Ire!an)Aan) I (e!ie$e the sorce of the contining
"ro(!e*s in each of these "!aces has (een
44 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY E0ECTTVE PEOPLE
the )o*inant socia! "ara)ig* of otsi)e,in# Each in$o!$e) gro" is
con$ince) the "ro(!e* is Got thereG an) if Gthe%G M*eaning othersN wo!)
Gsha"e "G or s))en!% Gshi" otG of e<istence7 the "ro(!e* wo!) (e
so!$e)#
is a )ra*atic "ara)ig* shift for *ost "eo"!e7 !arge!% (ecase of the
"owerf! i*"act of con)itioning an) the crrent socia! "ara)ig* of the
Persona!it% Ethic#
Bt fro* *% own e<"erienceA(oth "ersona! an) in wor?ing with thosan)s
of other "eo"!eAan) fro* caref! e<a*ination of sccessf! in)i$i)a!s an)
societies throghot histor%7 I a* "ersa)e) that *an% of the "rinci"!es
e*(o)ie) in the Se$en Ha(its are a!rea)% )ee" within s7 in or conscience
an) or co**on sense# To recogniCe an) )e$e!o" the* an) to se the* in
*eeting or )ee"est concerns7 we nee) to thin? )ifferent!%7 to shift or
"ara)ig*s to a new7 )ee"er7 G G !e$e!#
As we sincere!% see? to n)erstan) an) integrate these "rinci"!es into or
!i$es7 I a* con$ince) we wi!! )isco$er an) re)isco$er the trth of T# S# E!iof
s o(ser$ationL
0e *st not cease fro* e<"!oration an) the en) of a!! or e<"!oring wi!! (e
to arri$e where we (egan an) to ?now O? "!ace for the first ti*e#
48
The Se$en Ha(itsA An O$er$iew
0e are what we re"eate)!% )o#
E<ce!!ence7 then7 is not an act7 (t a ha(it#
Aristot!e
Or character7 (asica!!%7 is a co*"osite of or ha(its# GSow a thoght7 rea"
an actionE sow an action7 rea" a ha(itE sow a ha(it7 rea" a characterE sow a
character7 rea" a )estin%7G the *a<i* goes#
Ha(its are "owerf! factors in or !i$es# Becase the% are consistent7 often
nconscios "atterns7 the% constant!%7 )ai!%7 e<"ress or character an)
"ro)ce or effecti$eness ### or ineffecti$eness#
As Horace -ann7 the great e)cator7 once sai)7 GHa(its are !i?e a ca(!e# 0e
wea$e a stran) of it e$er%)a% an) soon it cannot (e (ro?en#G I "ersona!!% )o
not agree with the !ast "art of his e<"ression# I ?now the% can (e (ro?en#
Ha(its can (e !earne) an) n!earne)# Bt I a!so ?now it isn@t a Fic? fi<# It
in$o!$es a "rocess an) a tre*en)os co**it*ent#
Those of s who watche) the !nar $o%age of A"o!!o 11 were transfi<e) as
we saw the first *en wa!? on the *oon an) retrn to earth# S"er!ati$es sch
as GfantasticG an) Gincre)i(!eG were ina)eFate to )escri(e those e$entf!
)a%s# Bt to get there7 those astronats !itera!!% ha) to (rea? ot of the
tre*en)os gra$it% "!! of the earth# -ore energ% was s"ent in the first few
*intes of !ift,off7 in the first few *i!es of tra$e!7 than was se) o$er the
ne<t se$era! )a%s to tra$e! ha!f a *i!!ion *i!es##
Ha(its7 too7 ha$e tre*en)os gra$it% "!!A*ore than *ost "eo"!e rea!iCe or
wo!) a)*it# Brea?ing )ee"!% i*(e))e) ha(ita! ten)encies sch as
"rocrastination7 i*"atience7 critica!ness7 or
tHE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0
4:
se!fishness that $io!ate (asic "rinci"!es of h*an effecti$eness in$o!$es
*ore than a !itt!e wi!!"ower an) a few *inor changes in or !i$es# GLift offG
ta?es a tre*en)os effort7 (t once we (rea? ot of the gra$it% "!!7 or
free)o* ta?es on a who!e new )i*ension#
Li?e an% natra! force7 gra$it% "!! can wor? with s or against s# The
gra$it% "!! of so*e of or ha(its *a% crrent!% (e ?ee"ing s fro* going
where we want to go# Bt it is a!so gra$it% "!! that ?ee"s or wor!)
together7 that ?ee"s the "!anets in their or(its an) or ni$erse in or)er# It is
a "owerf! force7 an) if we se it effecti$e!%7 we can se the gra$it% "!! of
ha(it to create the cohesi$eness an) or)er necessar% to esta(!ish
effecti$eness in or !i$es#
GHa(itsG &efine)
For or "r"oses7 we wi!! )efine a ha(it as the intersection of ?now!e)ge7
s?i!!7 an) )esire#
'now!e)ge is the theoretica! "ara)ig*7 the what to )o an) the wh%# S?i!! is
the how to )o# An) )esire is the *oti$ation7 the want to )o# In or)er to *a?e
so*ething a ha(it in or !i$es7 we ha$e to ha$e a!! three#
I *a% (e ineffecti$e in *% interactions with *% wor? associates7 *% s"ose7
or *% chi!)ren (ecase I constant!% te!! the* what I thin?7 (t I ne$er rea!!%
!isten to the*# .n!ess I search ot correct "rinci"!es of h*an interaction7 I
*a% not e$en ?now I nee) to !isten#
E$en if I )o ?now that in or)er to interact effecti$e!% with others I rea!!%
nee) to !isten to the*7 I *a% not ha$e the s?i!!# I *a% not ?now now to
rea!!% !isten )ee"!% to another h*an (eing#
Bt ?nowing I nee) to !isten an) ?nowing how to !isten is not enogh#
.n!ess I want to !isten7 n!ess I ha$e the )esire7 it won@t (e a ha(it in *% !ife#
Creating a ha(it reFires wor? in a!! three )i*ensions#
The (eing5seeing change is an "war) "rocessA(eing changing seeing7
which in trn changes (eing7 an) so forth7 as we *o$e in an "war) s"ira! of
growth# B% wor?ing on ?now!e)ge7 s?i!!7 an) )esire7 we can (rea? throgh
to new !e$e!s of "ersona! an) inter"ersona! effecti$eness as we (rea? with
o!) "ara)ig*s that *a% ha$e (een a sorce of "se)o,secrit% for %ears#
It@s so*eti*es a "ainf! "rocess# If s a change that has to (e
4I THE SEVEN HABTTS OF HIGHLY 0'CIIVE PEOPLE
'now!e)ge
Mwhat to7 wh% toN
EFFECTIVE HABITS
Interna!iCe) "rinci"!es an) "atterns of (eha$ior
*oti$ate) (% a higher "r"ose7 (% the wi!!ingness to s(or)inate what %o
thin? %o want now for what %o want !ater# Bt this "rocess "ro)ces
ha""iness7 Gthe o(Dect an) )esign of or e<istence#G Ha""iness can (e
)efine)7 in "art at !east7 as the frit of the )esire an) a(i!it% to sacrifice what
we want now for what we want e$enta!!%#
The -atrit% Contin*
The Se$en Ha(its are not a set of se"arate or "iece*ea! "s%ch," for*!as#
In har*on% with the natra! !aws of growth7 the% "ro$i)e an incre*enta!7
seFentia!7 high!% integrate) a""roach to
THE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0
4K
the )e$e!o"*ent of "ersona! an) inter"ersona! effecti$eness# The% *o$e s
"rogressi$e!% on a -atrit% Contin* fro* )e"en)ence to in)e"en)ence to
inter)e"en)ence#
0e each (egin !ife as an infant7 tota!!% )e"en)ent on others# 0e are )irecte)7
nrtre)7 an) sstaine) (% others# 0ithot this nrtring7 we wo!) on!%
!i$e for a few hors or a few )a%s at the *ost#
Then gra)a!!%7 o$er the ensing *onths an) %ears7 we (eco*e *ore an)
*ore in)e"en)entA"h%sica!!%7 *enta!!%7 e*otiona!!%7 an) financia!!%A
nti! e$enta!!% we can essentia!!% ta?e care of orse!$es7 (eco*ing inner,
)irecte) an) se!f,re!iant#
As we contine to grow an) *atre7 we (eco*e increasing!% aware that a!!
of natre is inter)e"en)ent7 that there is an eco!ogica! s%ste* that go$erns
natre7 inc!)ing societ%# 0e frther )isco$er that the higher reaches of or
natre ha$e to )o with or re!ationshi"s with othersAthat h*an !ife a!so is
inter)e"en)ent#
Or growth fro* infanc% to a)!thoo) is in accor)ance with natra! !aw#
An) there are *an% )i*ensions to growth# Reaching or f!! "h%sica!
*atrit%7 for e<a*"!e7 )oes not necessari!% assre s of si*!taneos
e*otiona! or *enta! *atrit%# On the other han)7 a "erson@s "h%sica!
)e"en)ence )oes not *ean that he or she is *enta!!%O e*otiona!!% i**atre#
On the *atrit% contin*7 )e"en)ence is the "ara)ig* of %oA%o ta?e
care of *eE %o co*e throgh for *eE %o )i)n@t co*e throghE I (!a*e %o
for the res!ts#
In)e"en)ence is the "ara)ig* of 5A5 can )o itE 5 a* res"onsi(!eE 5 a* se!f,
re!iantE 5 can choose#
Inter)e"en)ence is the "ara)ig* of weAtoe can )o itE we can coo"erateE we
can co*(ine or ta!ents an) a(i!ities an) create so*ething greater together#
&e"en)ent "eo"!e nee) others to get what the% want# In)e"en)ent "eo"!e
can get what the% want throgh their own effort# Inter)e"en)ent "eo"!e
co*(ine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achie$e their greatest
sccess#
If I were "h%sica!!% )e"en)entA"ara!%Ce) or )isa(!e) or !i*ite) in so*e
"h%sica! wa%AI wo!) nee) %o to he!" *e# If I were e*otiona!!%
)e"en)ent7 *% sense of worth an) secrit% wo!) co* fro* %or o"inion of
*e# If %o )i)n@t !i?e *e7 it co!) (e )e$astating# If I were inte!!ecta!!%
)e"en)ent7 I wo!) cont on %o to )o *% thin?ing for *e7 to thin? throgh
the isses an) "ro(!e*s of *% !ife#
6J
If I were in)e"en)ent7 "h%sica!!%7 I co!) "rett% we!! *a?e it on *% own#
-enta!!%7 I co!) thin? *% own thoghts7 I co!) *o$e fro* one !e$e! of
a(straction to another# I co!) thin? creati$e!% an) ana!%tica!!% an) organiCe
an) e<"ress *% thoghts in n)erstan)a(!e wa%s# E*otiona!!%7 I wo!) (e
$a!i)ate) fro* within# I wo!) (e inner )irecte)# -% sense of worth wo!)
not (e a fnction of (eing !i?e) or treate) we!!#
It@s eas% to see that in)e"en)ence is *ch *ore *atre than )e"en)ence#
In)e"en)ence is a *aDor achie$e*ent in an) of itse!f# Bt in)e"en)ence is
not s"re*e#
Ne$erthe!ess7 the crrent socia! "ara)ig* enthrones in)e"en)ence# It is the
a$owe) goa! of *an% in)i$i)a!s an) socia! *o$e*ents# -ost of the se!f,
i*"ro$e*ent *ateria! "ts in)e"en)ence on a "e)esta!7 as thogh
co**nication7 tea*wor?7 an) coo"eration were !esser $a!es#
Bt *ch of or crrent e*"hasis on in)e"en)ence is a reaction to
)e"en)enceAto ha$ing others contro! s7 )efine s7 se s7 an) *ani"!ate
s#
The !itt!e n)erstoo) conce"t of inter)e"en)ence a""ears to *an% to s*ac?
of )e"en)ence7 an) therefore7 we fin) "eo"!e7 often for se!fish reasons7
!ea$ing their *arriages7 a(an)oning their chi!)ren7 an) forsa?ing a!! ?in)s of
socia! res"onsi(i!it%Aa!! in the na*e of in)e"en)ence#
The ?in) of reaction that res!ts in "eo"!e Gthrowing off their shac?!es7G
(eco*ing G!i(erate)7G Gasserting the*se!$es7G an) G)oing their own thingG
often re$ea!s *ore fn)a*enta! )e"en)encies that cannot (e rn awa% fro*
(ecase the% are interna! rather than e<terna!A)e"en)encies sch as !etting
the wea?nesses of other "eo"!e rin or e*otiona! !i$es or fee!ing
$icti*iCe) (% "eo"!e an) e$ents ot of or contro!#
Of corse7 we *a% nee) to change or circ*stances# Bt the )e"en)ence
"ro(!e* is a "ersona! *atrit% isse that has !itt!e to )o with circ*stances#
E$en with (etter circ*stances7 i**atrit% an) )e"en)ence often "ersist#
Tre in)e"en)ence of character e*"owers s to act rather than (e acte)
"on# It frees s fro* or )e"en)ence on circ*stances an) other "eo"!e
an) is a worth%7 !i(erating goa!# Bt it is not the !ti*ate goa! in effecti$e
!i$ing#
In)e"en)ent thin?ing a!one is not site) to inter)e"en)ent rea!it%#
In)e"en)ent "eo"!e who )o not ha$e the *atrit% to thin? an) act
inter)e"en)ent!% *a% (e goo) in)i$i)a! "ro)cers7 (t
THE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0 61
the% won@t (e goo) !ea)ers or tea* "!a%ers# The%@re not co*ing fro* the
"ara)ig* of inter)e"en)ence necessar% to sccee) in *arriage7 fa*i!%7 or
organiCationa! rea!it%#
Life is7 (% natre7 high!% inter)e"en)ent# To tr% to achie$e *a<i**
effecti$eness throgh in)e"en)ence is !i?e tr%ing to "!a% tennis with a go!f
c!(Athe too! is not site) to the rea!it%#
Inter)e"en)ence is a far *ore *atre7 *ore a)$ance) conce"t# If I a*
"h%sica!!% inter)e"en)ent7 I a* se!f,re!iant an) ca"a(!e7 (t I a!so rea!iCe
that %o an) I wor?ing together can acco*"!ish far *ore than7 e$en at *%
(est7 I co!) acco*"!ish a!one# If I a* e*otiona!!% inter)e"en)ent7 I )eri$e a
great sense of worth within *%se!f7 (t I a!so recogniCe the nee) for !o$e7
for gi$ing7 an) for recei$ing !o$e fro* others# If I a* inte!!ecta!!%
inter)e"en)ent7 I rea!iCe that I nee) the (est thin?ing of other "eo"!e to Doin
with *% own#
As an inter)e"en)ent "erson7 I ha$e the o""ortnit% to share *%se!f )ee"!%7
*eaningf!!%7 with others7 an) I ha$e access to the $ast resorces an)
"otentia! of other h*an (eings#
Inter)e"en)ence is a choice on!% in)e"en)ent "eo"!e can *a?e# &e"en)ent
"eo"!e cannot choose to (eco*e inter)e"en)ent# The% )on@t ha$e the
character to )o itE the% )on@t own enogh of the*se!$es#
That@s wh% Ha(its 17 27 an) 3 in the fo!!owing cha"ters )ea! with se!f,
*aster%# The% *o$e a "erson fro* )e"en)ence to in)e"en)ence# The% are
the GPri$ate Victories7G the essence of character growth# Pri$ate $ictories
"rece)e "(!ic $ictories# Yo can@t in$ert that "rocess an%*ore than %o can
har$est a cro" (efore %o "!ant it# It@s #
As %o (eco*e tr!% in)e"en)ent7 %o ha$e the fon)ation for effecti$e
inter)e"en)ence# Yo ha$e the character (ase fro* which %o can
effecti$e!% wor? on the *ore "ersona!it%,oriente) GP(!ic VictoriesG of
tea*wor?7 coo"eration7 an) co**nication in Ha(its 47 67 an) 8#
That )oes not *ean %o ha$e to (e "erfect in Ha(its 17 27 an) 3 (efore
wor?ing on Ha(its 47 67 an) 8# .n)erstan)ing the seFence wi!! he!" %o
*anage %or growth *ore effecti$e!%7 (t I@* not sggesting that %o "t
%orse!f in iso!ation for se$era! %ears nti! %o f!!% )e$e!o" Ha(its 17 27 an)
3#
As "art of an inter)e"en)ent wor!)7 %o ha$e to re!ate to that wor!) e$er%
)a%# Bt the acte "ro(!e*s of that wor!) can easi!% o(scre the chronic
character cases# .n)erstan)ing how what
62
%o are i*"acts e$er% inter)e"en)ent interaction wi!! he!" %o to focs %or
efforts seFentia!!%5 in har*on% with the natra! !aws of growth#
Ha(it : is the ha(it of renewa!Aa reg!ar7 (a!ance) renewa! of the for
(asic )i*ensions of !ife# It circ!es an) e*(o)ies a!! the other ha(its# It is the
ha(it of continos i*"ro$e*ent that creates the "war) s"ira! of growth
that !ifts %o to new !e$e!s of n)erstan)ing an) !i$ing each of the ha(its as
%o co*e aron) to the* on a "rogressi$e!% higher "!ane#U
The )iagra* on the ne<t "age is a $isa! re"resentation of the seFence an)
the inter)e"en)ence of the Se$en Ha(its7 an) wi!! (e se) throghot this
(oo? as we e<"!ore (oth the seFentia! re!ationshi" (etween the ha(its an)
a!so their s%nerg%Ahow7 in re!ating to each other7 the% create (o!) new
for*s of each other that a)) e$en *ore to their $a!e# Each conce"t or ha(it
wi!! (e high!ighte) as it is intro)ce)#
Effecti$eness &efine)
The Se$en Ha(its are ha(its of effecti$eness# Becase the% are (ase) on
"rinci"!es7 the% (ring the *a<i** !ong,ter* (eneficia! res!ts "ossi(!e#
The% (eco*e the (asis of a "erson@s character7 creating an e*"owering
center of correct *a"s fro* which an in)i$i)a! can effecti$e!% so!$e
"ro(!e*s7 *a<i*iCe o""ortnities7 an) contina!!% !earn an) integrate other
"rinci"!es in an "war) s"ira! of growth#
The% are a!so ha(its of effecti$eness (ecase the% are (ase) on a "ara)ig*
of effecti$eness that is in har*on% with a natra! !aw7 a "rinci"!e I ca!! the
GP5PC# Ba!ance7G which *an% "eo"!e (rea? the*se!$es against# This
"rinci"!e can (e easi!% n)erstoo) (% re*e*(ering Aeso"@s fa(!e of the
goose an) the go!)en egg#
This fa(!e is the stor% of a "oor far*er who one )a% )isco$ers in the nest of
his "et goose a g!ittering go!)en egg# At first7 he thin?s it *st (e so*e ?in)
of tric?# Bt as he starts to throw the egg asi)e7 he has secon) thoghts an)
ta?es it in to (e a""raise) instea)#
The egg is "re go!)H The far*er can@t (e!ie$e his goo) fortne# He (eco*es
e$en *ore incre)!os the fo!!owing )a% when the e<"erience is re"eate)#
&a% after )a%7 he awa?ens to rsh to the
THE SEVEN HABITSANftN OVBTVI
63
THE SEVEN HABITS PARA&IG-
64

64
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
nest an) fin) another go!)en egg# He (eco*es fa(!os!% wea!th%E it a!!
see*s too goo) to (e tre#
Bt with his increasing wea!th co*es gree) an) i*"atience# .na(!e to
wait )a% after )a% for the go!)en eggs7 the far*er )eci)es he wi!! ?i!!
the goose an) get the* a!! at once# Bt when he o"ens the goose7 he
fin)s it e*"t%# There are no go!)en eggsAan) now there is no wa% to
get an% *ore# The far*er has )estro%e) the goose that "ro)ce) the*#
I sggest that within this fa(!e is a natra! !aw7 a "rinci"!eAthe (asic
)efinition of effecti$eness# -ost "eo"!e see effecti$eness fro* the
go!)en egg "ara)ig*L the *ore %o "ro)ce7 the *ore %o )o7 the *ore
effecti$e %o are#
Bt as the stor% shows7 tre effecti$eness is a fnction of two thingsL
what is "ro)ce) Mthe go!)en eggsN an) the "ro)cing asset or ca"acit%
to "ro)ce Mthe gooseN#
If %o a)o"t a "attern of !ife that focses on go!)en eggs an) neg!ects
the goose7 %o wi!! soon (e withot the asset that "ro)ces go!)en
eggs# On the other han)7 if %o on!% ta?e care of the goose with no ai*
towar) the go!)en eggs7 %o soon won@t ha$e the wherewitha! to fee)
%orse!f or the goose#
Effecti$eness !ies in the (a!anceAwhat I ca!! the P5PC Ba!ance# P
stan)s for "ro)ction of )esire) res!ts7 the go!)en eggs# PC stan)s for
"ro)ction ca"a(i!it%7 the a(i!it% or asset that "ro)ces the go!)en eggs#
THREE 'IN&S OF ASSETS
Basica!!%7 there are three ?in)s of assetsL "h%sica!7 financia!7 an)
h*an# Let@s !oo? at each one in trn#
A few %ears ago7 I "rchase) a "h%sica! assetAa "ower !awn,*ower# I
se) it o$er an) o$er again withot )oing an%thing to *aintain it# The
*ower wor?e) we!! for two seasons7 (t then it (egan to (rea? )own#
0hen I trie) to re$i$e it with ser$ice an) shar"ening7 I )isco$ere) the
engine ha) !ost o$er ha!f its origina! "ower ca"acit%# It was essentia!!%
worth!ess#
Ha) I in$este) in PCAin "reser$ing an) *aintaining the assetA I
wo!) sti!! (e enDo%ing its PAthe *owe) !awn# As it was7 I ha) to
s"en) far *ore ti*e an) *one% re"!acing the *ower than I e$er wo!)
ha$e s"ent7 ha) I *aintaine) it# It si*"!% wasn@t effecti$e#
In or Fest for short,ter* retrns7 or res!ts7 we often rin a "riCe)
"h%sica! assetAa car7 a co*"ter7 a washer or )r%er7 e$en
THE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0 66
or (o)% or or en$iron*ent# 'ee"ing P an) PC in (a!ance *a?es a
tre*en)os )ifference in the effecti$e se of "h%sica! assets#
It a!so "owerf!!% i*"acts the effecti$e se of financia! assets# How often )o
"eo"!e confse "rinci"a! with interestB Ha$e %o e$er in$a)e) "rinci"a! to
increase %or stan)ar) of !i$ing7 to get *ore go!)en eggsB The )ecreasing
"rinci"a! has )ecreasing "ower to "ro)ce interest or inco*e# An) the
)win)!ing ca"ita! (eco*es s*a!!er an) s*a!!er nti! it no !onger s""!ies
e$en (asic nee)s#
Or *ost i*"ortant financia! asset is or own ca"acit% to earn# If we )on@t
contina!!% in$est in i*"ro$ing or own PC7 we se$ere!% !i*it or o"tions#
0e@re !oc?e) into or "resent sitation7 rnning scare) of or cor"oration or
or (oss@s o"inion of s7 econo*ica!!% )e"en)ent an) )efensi$e# Again7 it
si*"!% isn@t effecti$e#
In the h*an area7 the P5PC Ba!ance is eFa!!% fn)a*enta!7 (t e$en *ore
i*"ortant7 (ecase "eo"!e contro! "h%sica! an) financia! assets#
0hen two "eo"!e in a *arriage are *ore concerne) a(ot getting the go!)en
eggs7 the (enefits7 than the% are in "reser$ing the re!ationshi" that *a?es
the* "ossi(!e7 the% often (eco*e insensiti$e an) inconsi)erate7 neg!ecting
the !itt!e ?in)nesses an) cortesies so i*"ortant to a )ee" re!ationshi"# The%
(egin to se contro! !e$ers to *ani"!ate each other7 to focs on their own
nee)s7 to Dstif% their own "osition an) !oo? for e$i)ence to show the
wrongness of the other "erson# The !o$e7 the richness7 the softness an)
s"ontaneit% (egin to )eteriorate# The goose gets sic?er )a% (% )a%#
An) what a(ot a "arent@s re!ationshi" with a chi!)B 0hen chi!)ren are !itt!e7
the% are $er% )e"en)ent7 $er% $!nera(!e# It (eco*es so eas% to neg!ect the
PC wor?Athe training7 the co**nicating7 the re!ating7 the !istening# It@s
eas% to ta?e a)$antage7 to *ani"!ate7 to get what %o want the wa% %o
want itAright nowH Yo@re (igger7 %o@re s*arter7 an) %o@re rightH So wh%
not Dst te!! the* what to )oB If necessar%7 %e!! at the*7 inti*i)ate the*7
insist on %or wa%#
@ Or %o can in)!ge the*# Yo can go for the go!)en egg of "o"!arit%7 of
"!easing the*7 gi$ing the* their wa% a!! the ti*e# Then the% grow "
withot an% interna! sense of stan)ar)s or e<"ectations7 withot a "ersona!
co**it*ent to (eing )isci"!ine) or res"onsi(!e#
Either wa%Aathoritarian or "er*issi$eA%o ha$e the go!)en
68 THE SEVEN HABriS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
egg *enta!it%# Yo want to ha$e %or wa% or %o want to (e !i?e)# Bt what
ha""ens7 *eanti*e7 to the gooseB 0hat sense of res"onsi(i!it%7 of se!f,
)isci"!ine7 of confi)ence in the a(i!it% to *a?e goo) choices or achie$e
i*"ortant goa!s is a chi!) going to ha$e a few %ears )own the roa)B An)
what a(ot %or re!ationshi"B 0hen he reaches those critica! teenage %ears7
the i)entit% crises7 wi!! he ?now fro* his e<"erience with %o that %o wi!!
!isten withot D)ging7 that %o rea!!%7 )ee"!% care a(ot hi* as a "erson7
that %o can (e trste)7 no *atter whatB 0i!! the re!ationshi" (e strong
enogh for %o to reach hi*7 to co**nicate with hi*7 to inf!ence hi*B
S""ose %o want %or )aghter to ha$e a c!ean roo*Athat@s P7 "ro)ction7
the go!)en egg# An) s""ose %o want her to c!ean itAthat@s PC7 "ro)ction
ca"a(i!it%# Yor )aghter is the goose7 the asset7 that "ro)ces the go!)en
egg#
If %o ha$e P an) PC in (a!ance7 she c!eans the roo* cheerf!!%7 withot
(eing re*in)e)7 (ecase she is co**itte) an) has the )isci"!ine to sta% with
the co**it*ent# She is a $a!a(!e asset7 a goose that can "ro)ce go!)en
eggs#
Bt if %or "ara)ig* is focse) on "ro)ction7 on getting the roo* c!ean7
%o *ight fin) %orse!f nagging her to )o it# Yo *ight e$en esca!ate %or
efforts to threatening or %e!!ing7 an) in %or )esire to get the go!)en egg7 %o
n)er*ine the hea!th an) we!fare of the goose#
Let *e share with %o an interesting PC e<"erience I ha) with one of *%
)aghters# 0e wereU "!anning a "ri$ate )ate7 which is so*ething I enDo%
reg!ar!% with each of *% chi!)ren# 0e fin) that the antici"ation of the )ate
is as satisf%ing as the rea!iCation#
So I a""roache) *% )aghter an) sai)7 GHone%7 tonight@s %or night# 0hat
)o %o want to )oBG
GOh7 &a)7 that@s o?a%7G she re"!ie)#
GNo7 rea!!%7G I sai)# G0hat wo!) %o !i?e to )oBG
G0e!!7G she fina!!% sai)7 Gwhat I want to )o7 %o )on@t rea!!% want to )o#G
GRea!!%7 hone%7G I sai) earnest!%7 GI want to )o it# No *atter what7 if s %or
choice#G
GI want to go see Star 0ars7G she re"!ie)# GBt I ?now %o )on@t !i?e Star
0ars# Yo s!e"t throgh it (efore# Yo )on@t !i?e these fantas% *o$ies#
That@s o?a%# &a)#G
GNo7 hone%7 if that@s what %o@) !i?e to )o7 I@) !i?e to )o it#G
THE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0
6:
G&a)7 )on@t worr% a(ot it# 0e )on@t a!wa%s ha$e to ha$e this )ate#G She
"ase) an) then a))e)7 GBt %o ?now wh% %o )on@t !i?e Star 0arsB It@s
(ecase %o )on@t n)erstan) the "hi!oso"h% an) training of a >e)i 'night#G
G0hatBG
GYo ?now the things %o teach7 &a)B Those are the sa*e things that go
into the training of a >e)i 'night#G
GRea!!%B Let@s go to Star 0arsHG
An) we )i)# She sat ne<t to *e an) ga$e *e the "ara)ig*# I (eca*e her
st)ent7 her !earner# It was tota!!% fascinating# I co!) (egin to see ot of a
new "ara)ig* the who!e wa% a >e)i 'night@s (asic "hi!oso"h% in training is
*anifeste) in )ifferent circ*stances#
That e<"erience was not a "!anne) P e<"erienceE it was the seren)i"itos
frit of a PC in$est*ent# It was (on)ing an) $er% satisf%ing# Bt we enDo%e)
go!)en eggs7 too7 as the gooseAthe Fa!it% of the re!ationshi"Awas
significant!% fe)#
OrganiCationa! PC
One of the i**ense!% $a!a(!e as"ects of an% correct "rinci"!e is that it is
$a!i) an) a""!ica(!e in a wi)e $ariet% of circ*stances# Throghot this
(oo?7 I wo!) !i?e to share with %o so*e of the wa%s in which these
"rinci"!es a""!% to organiCations7 inc!)ing fa*i!ies7 as we!! as to
in)i$i)a!s#
0hen "eo"!e fai! to res"ect the P5PC Ba!ance in their se of "h%sica! assets
in organiCations7 the% )ecrease organiCationa! effecti$eness an) often !ea$e
others with )%ing geese#
For e<a*"!e7 a "erson in charge of a "h%sica! asset7 sch as a *achine7 *a%
(e eager to *a?e a goo) i*"ression on his s"eriors# Perha"s the co*"an%
is in a ra"i) growth stage an) "ro*otions are co*ing fast# So he "ro)ces at
o"ti** !e$e!sAno )ownti*e7 no *aintenance# He rns the *achine )a%
an) night# The "ro)ction is "heno*ena!7 costs are )own7 an) "rofits
s?%roc?et# 0ithin a short ti*e7 he@s "ro*ote)# Go!)en eggsH
Bt s""ose %o are his sccessor on the Do(# Yo inherit a $er% sic? goose7
a *achine that7 (% this ti*e7 is rste) an) starts to (rea? )own# Yo ha$e to
in$est hea$i!% in )ownti*e an) *aintenance# Costs s?%roc?etE "rofits nose,
)i$e# An) who gets (!a*e) for the !oss of go!)en eggsB Yo )o# YoB
"re)ecessor !iFi)ate) the asset7 (t the acconting s%ste* on!% re"orte)
nit "ro)ction7 costs7 an) "rofit#
6I
The P5PC Ba!ance is "artic!ar!% i*"ortant as it a""!ies to the h*an assets
of an organiCationAthe csto*ers an) the e*"!o%ees#
I ?now of a restarant that ser$e) a fantastic c!a* chow)er an) was "ac?e)
with csto*ers e$er% )a% at !nchti*e# Then the (siness was so!)7 an) the
new owner focse) on go!)en eggsA he )eci)e) to water )own the
chow)er# For a(ot a *onth7 with costs )own an) re$enes constant7 "rofits
Coo*e)# Bt !itt!e (% !itt!e7 the csto*ers (egan to )isa""ear# Trst was
gone7 an) (siness )win)!e) to a!*ost nothing# The new owner trie) )es,
"erate!% to rec!ai* it7 (t he ha) neg!ecte) the csto*ers7 $io!ate) their
trst7 an) !ost the asset of csto*er !o%a!t%# There was no *ore goose to
"ro)ce the go!)en egg#
There are organiCations that ta!? a !ot a(ot the csto*er an) then
co*"!ete!% neg!ect the "eo"!e that )ea! with the csto*erA the e*"!o%ees#
The PC "rinci"!e is to a!wa%s treat %or e*"!o%ees e<act!% as %o want
the* to treat %or (est csto*ers#
Yo can (% a "erson@s han)7 (t %o can@t (% his heart# His heart is where
his enthsias*7 his !o%a!t% is# Yo can (% his (ac?7 (t %o can@t (% his
(rain# That@s where his creati$it% is7 his ingenit%7 his resorcef!ness#
PC wor? is treating e*"!o%ees as $o!nteers Dst as %o treat csto*ers as
$o!nteers7 (ecase that@s what the% are# The% $o!nteer the (est "artAtheir
hearts an) *in)s#
I was in a gro" once where so*eone as?e)7 GHow )o %o sha"e " !aC% an)
inco*"etent e*"!o%eesBG One *an res"on)e)7 G&ro" han) grena)esHG
Se$era! others cheere) that ?in) of *acho *anage*ent ta!?7 that Gsha"e "
or shi" otG s"er$ision a""roach#
Bt another "erson in the gro" as?e)7 G0ho "ic?s " the "iecesBG
GNo "ieces#G
G0e!!7 wh% )on@t %o )o that to %or csto*ersBG the other *an re"!ie)#
G>st sa%7 @Listen7 if %o@re not intereste) in (%ing7 %o
Lean Dst shi" ot of this "!ace#@ G He sai)7 GYo can@t )o that to csto*ers#G
G0e!!7 how co*e %o can )o it to e*"!o%eesBG GBecase the%@re in %or
e*"!o%#G GI see# Are %or e*"!o%ees )e$ote) to %oB &o the% wor? har)B
How@s the trno$erBG GAre %o ?i))ingB Yo can@t fin) goo) "eo"!e these
)a%s#
THE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0 6K
There@s too *ch trno$er7 a(senteeis*7 *oon!ighting# Peo"!e Dst )on@t
care an%*ore#G
That focs on go!)en eggsAthat attit)e7 that "ara)ig*Ais tota!!%
ina)eFate to ta" into the "owerf! energies of the *in) an) heart of another
"erson# A short,ter* (otto* !ine is i*"ortant7 (t it isn@t a!!,i*"ortant#
Effecti$eness !ies in the (a!ance# E<cessi$e focs on P res!ts in rine)
hea!th7 worn,ot *achines7 )e"!ete) (an? acconts7 an) (ro?en
re!ationshi"s# Too *ch focs on PC is !i?e a "erson who rns three or for
hors a )a%7 (ragging a(ot the e<tra ten %ears of !ife it creates7 naware he@s
s"en)ing the* rnning# Or a "erson en)!ess!% going to schoo!7 ne$er
"ro)cing7 !i$ing on other "eo"!e@s go!)en eggsAthe eterna! st)ent
s%n)ro*e#
To *aintain the P5PC Ba!ance7 the (a!ance (etween the go!)en egg
M"ro)ctionN an) the hea!th an) we!fare of the goose M"ro)ction ca"a(i!it%N
is often a )iffic!t D)g*ent ca!!# Bt I sggest it is the $er% essence of
effecti$eness# It (a!ances short ter* with !ong ter*# It (a!ances going for the
gra)e an) "a%ing the "rice to get an e)cation# It (a!ances the )esire to ha$e
a roo* )ean an) the (i!)ing of a re!ationshi" in which the chi!) is
interna!!% co**itte) to )o itAcheerf!!%7 wi!!ing!%7 withot e<terna!
s"er$ision#
If s a "rinci"!e %o can see $a!i)ate) in %or own !ife when %o (rn the
can)!e at (oth en)s to get *ore go!)en eggs an) win) " sic? or e<haste)7
na(!e to "ro)ce an% at a!!E or when %o get a goo) night@s s!ee" an) wa?e
" rea)% to "ro)ce throghot the )a%#
Yo can see it when %o "ress to get %or own wa% with so*eone an)
so*ehow fee! an e*"tiness in the re!ationshi"E or when %o rea!!% ta?e ti*e
to in$est in a re!ationshi" an) %o fin) the )esire an) a(i!it%7 to wor?
together7 to co**nicate7 ta?es a Fant* !ea"#
The P5PC Ba!ance is the $er% essence of effecti$eness# It@s $a!i)ate) in e$er%
arena of !ife# 0e can wor? with it or against it7 (t if s there# It@s a
!ighthose# It@s the )efinition an) "ara)ig* of effecti$eness "on which the
Se$en Ha(its in this (oo? are (ase)#
How to .se This Boo?
Before we (egin wor? on 7 I wo!) !i?e to sggest two "ara)ig* shifts that
wi!! great!% increase the $a!e %o wi!! recei$e fro* this *ateria!#
8J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY E>TECTIVE PEOPLE
First7 I wo!) reco**en) that %o not GseeG this *ateria! as a (oo?7 in the
sense that it is so*ething to rea) once an) "t on a she!f
Yo *a% choose to rea) it co*"!ete!% throgh once for a sense of the who!e#
Bt the *ateria! is )esigne) to (e a co*"anion in the contina! "rocess of
change an) growth# It is organiCe) incre*enta!!% an) with sggestions for
a""!ication at the en) of each ha(it so that %o can st)% an) focs on an%
"artic!ar ha(it as %o are rea)%#
As %o "rogress to )ee"er !e$e!s of n)erstan)ing an) i*"!e*entation7 %o
can go (ac? ti*e an) again to the "rinci"!es containe) in each ha(it an)
wor? to e<"an) %or ?now!e)ge7 s?i!!7 an) )esire#
Secon)7 I wo!) sggest that %o shift %or "ara)ig* of %or own
in$o!$e*ent in this *ateria! fro* the ro!e of !earner to that of teacher# Ta?e
an a""roach7 an) rea) with the "r"ose in *in) of sharing or )iscssing
what %o !earn with so*eone e!se within 4I hors after %o !earn it#
If %o ha) ?nown7 for e<a*"!e7 that %o wo!) (e teaching the *ateria! on
the P5PC Ba!ance "rinci"!e to so*eone e!se within 4I hors7 wo!) it ha$e
*a)e a )ifference in %or rea)ing e<"erienceB Tr% it now as %o rea) the
fina! section in this cha"ter# Rea) as thogh %o are going to teach it to %or
s"ose7 %or chi!)7 a (siness associate7 or a frien) to)a% or to*orrow7
whi!e it is sti!! fresh7 an) notice the )ifference in %or *enta! an) e*otiona!
"rocess#
I garantee that if %o a""roach the *ateria! in each of the fo!!owing
cha"ters in #this wa%7 %o wi!! not on!% (etter re*e*(er what %o rea)7 (t
%or "ers"ecti$e wi!! (e e<"an)e)7 %or n)erstan)ing )ee"ene)7 an) %or
*oti$ation to a""!% the *ateria! increase)#
In a))ition7 as %o o"en!%7 honest!% share what %o@re !earning with others7
%o *a% (e sr"rise) to fin) that negati$e !a(e!s or "erce"tions others *a%
ha$e of %o ten) to )isa""ear# Those %o teach wi!! see %o as a changing7
growing "erson7 an) wi!! (e *ore inc!ine) to (e he!"f! an) s""orti$e as
%o wor?7 "erha"s together7 to integrate the Se$en Ha(its into %or !i$es#
0hat Yo Can E<"ect
In the !ast ana!%sis7 as -ari!%n Fergson o(ser$e)7 GNo one can "ersa)e
another to change# Each of s gar)s a gate of change
THE SEVEN HABITSAAN OVERVIE0
81
that can on!% (e o"ene) fro* the insi)e# 0e cannot o"en the gate of another7
either (% arg*ent or (% e*otiona! a""ea!#G
If %o )eci)e to o"en %or Ggate of changeG to rea!!% n)erstan) an) !i$e the
"rinci"!es e*(o)ie) in the Se$en Ha(its7 I fee! co*forta(!e in assring %o
se$era! "ositi$e things wi!! ha""en#
First7 %or growth wi!! (e e$o!tionar%7 (t the net effect wi!! (e
re$o!tionar%# 0o!) %o not agree that the P5PC Ba!ance "rinci"!e a!one7 if
f!!% !i$e)7 wo!) transfor* *ost in)i$i)a!s an) organiCationsB
The net effect of o"ening the Ggate of changeG to the first three ha(itsAthe
ha(its of Pri$ate Victor%Awi!! (e significant!% increase) se!f,confi)ence#
Yo wi!! co*e to ?now %orse!f in a )ee"er7 *ore *eaningf! wa%A%or
natre7 %or )ee"est $a!es an) %or niFe contri(tion ca"acit%# As %o
!i$e %or $a!es7 %or sense of i)entit%7 integrit%7 contro!7 an) inner,
)irecte)ness wi!! infse %o with (oth e<hi!aration an) "eace# Yo wi!!
)efine %orse!f fro* within7 rather than (% "eo"!e@s o"inions or (%
co*"arisons to others# G0rongG an) GrightG wi!! ha$e !itt!e to )o with (eing
fon) ot#
Ironica!!% %o@!! fin) that as %o care !ess a(ot what others thin? of %o7
%o wi!! care *ore a(ot what others thin? of the*se!$es an) their wor!)s7
inc!)ing their re!ationshi" with %o# Yo@!! no !onger (i!) %or e*otiona!
!ife on other "eo"!e@s wea?nesses# In a))ition7 %o@!! fin) it easier an) *ore
)esira(!e to change (ecase there is so*ethingAso*e core )ee" withinA
that is essentia!!% change!ess#
As %o o"en %orse!f to the ne<t three ha(itsAthe ha(its of P(!ic Victor%
A%o wi!! )isco$er an) n!eash (oth the )esire an) the resorces to hea!
an) re(i!) i*"ortant re!ationshi"s that ha$e )eteriorate)7 or e$en (ro?en#
Goo) re!ationshi"s wi!! i*"ro$eA (eco*e )ee"er7 *ore so!i)7 *ore
creati$e7 an) *ore a)$entre,
The se$enth ha(it7 if )ee"!% interna!iCe)7 wi!! renew the first si< an) wi!!
*a?e %o tr!% in)e"en)ent an) ca"a(!e of effecti$e inter)e"en)ence#
Throgh it7 %o can charge %or own (atteries#
0hate$er %or "resent sitation7 I assre %o that %o are not %or ha(its,
Yo can re"!ace o!) "atterns of se!f,)efeating (eha$ior with new "atterns7
new ha(its of effecti$eness ha""iness7 an) trst,V(asI) re!ationshi"s#
0ith genine caring7 I encorage %o to o"en the gate of change en) growth
aW %o st)% these ha(its# Be "atient with %orse!f#
82 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EH,'#T1VE PEOPLE
Se!f,growth is ten)erE if s ho!% gron)# There@s no greater in$est*ent#
If s o($ios!% not a Fic? fi<# Bt I assre %o7 %o wi!! fee! (enefits an) see
i**e)iate "a%offs that wi!! (e encoraging# In the wor)s of Tho*as Paine7
GThat which we o(tain too easi!%7 we estee* too !ight!%# It is )earness on!%
which gi$es e$er%thing its $a!e# Hea$en ?nows how to "t a "ro"er "rice
on its goo)s#G
Part Two
Pri$ate Victor%
HABIT 1
BE PROACTIVE
PRINCIPLES OF PERSONAL VISION
I ?now of no *ore encoraging fact
than the nFestiona(!e a(i!it% of *an
to e!e$ate his !ife (% conscios en)ea$or#
HENRY &AVI& THOREA.
As YO. REA& THIS BOO'7 tr% to stan) a"art fro* %orse!f# Tr% to
"roDect %or consciosness "war) into a corner of the roo* an) see
%orse!f7 in %or *in)@s e%e7 rea)ing# Can %o !oo? at %orse!f a!*ost
as thogh %o were so*eone e!seB
Now tr% so*ething e!se# Thin? a(ot the *oo) %o are now in# Can %o
i)entif% itB 0hat are %o fee!ingB How wo!) %o )escri(e %or
"resent *enta! stateB
Now thin? for a *inte a(ot how %or *in) is wor?ing# Is it Fic? an)
a!ertB &o %o sense that %o are torn (etween )oing this *enta!
e<ercise an) e$a!ating the "oint to (e *a)e ot of itB
Yor a(i!it% to )o what %o Dst )i) is niFe!% h*an# Ani*a!s )o not
"ossess this a(i!it%# 0e ca!! it Gse!f,awarenessG or the a(i!it% to thin?
a(ot %or $er% thoght "rocess# This is the reason wh% *an has
)o*inion o$er a!! things in the wor!) an) wh% he can *a?e significant
a)$ances fro* generation to generation#
This is wh% we can e$a!ate an) !earn fro* others@ e<"eriences as we!! as
or own# This is a!so wh% we can *a?e an) (rea? or ha(its#
0e are not or fee!ings# 0e are not or *oo)s# 0e are not e$en or
thoghts# The $er% fact that we can thin? a(ot these things se"arates
s fro* the* an) fro* the ani*a! wor!)# Se!f,awareness
HA0T 1 BE PROACTIVE
8:
ena(!es s to stan) a"art an) E<a*ine e$en the wa% we GseeG orse!$esA
or se!f,"ara)ig*7 the *ost fn)a*enta! "ara)ig* of effecti$eness# It
affects not on!% or attit)es an) (eha$ior@s7 (t a!so how we see other
"eo"!e# It (eco*es or *a" of the (asic natre of *an?in)#
In fact nti! we fa?e how1 0e see orse!$es Man) how we see othersN into
accont7 we wi!! (e .na(!e to n)erstan) how others see an) fee! a(ot
the*se!$es an) their wor!)# .naware7 we wi!! "roDect or intentions oh their
(eha$ior ari) ca!! orse!$es o(Decti$es#
This Significant!% !i*its or "ersona! "otentia! an) or a(i!it% to re!ate to
others as we!!# Bt (ecase of the niFe h*an ca"acit% of Se!f,awareness7
w) can e<a*ine or "ara)ig*s to )eter*ine whether the% are rea!it% or
"rinci"!e,(ase) or if the% are a fnction of con)itioning an) con)itions#
The Socia! -irror
II the on!% $ision we ha$e of orse!$es co*es fro* the socia! *irrorAfro*
the crrent socia! "ara)ig* an) fro* the o"inions7 "erce"tions7 an)
"ara)ig*O or the "eo"!e aron) sAor $iew of orse!$es is !i?e the
ref!ection in the craC% *irror roo* at the carni$a!
GYo@re ne$er on ti*e#G
@@0h% can@t %o e$er ?ee" things in or)erBG
GYo *st (e an artistHG
GYo eat !i?e a HorseHG
GI can@t (e!ie$e %o wonHG
GThis is so si*"!e# 0h% cah4 %o n)erstan)B1U@
These $isions are )isDointe) an) ot of "ro"ortion# The% are often *ore
"roDections than ref!ections7 "roDecting the concerns An) character
wea?nesses of "eo"!e gi$ing the in"t rather than accrate!% ref!ecting what
we areU
The ref!ection of the crrent Socia! "ara)ig* te!!s s we are !arge!%
)eter*ine) (% con)itioning1 an) con)itions# 0hi!e we ha$e ac?now!e)ge)
the tre*en)os "ower of con)itioning in or !i$es7 to sa% that weH are
)eter*ine) (% it7 that we ha$e no contro! o$er that inf!ence7 creates Fite1
a )ifferent *a"#
There are acta!!% three socia! *a"@sAthree theories of )eter*inis* wi)e!%
acce"te)7 in)e"en)ent!% or in co*(ination7 to e<"!ain the natre of *an#
Genetic )eter*inis* (asica!!% sa%s %or gran),
8I THE SHVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
"arents )i) it to %o# That;s wh% %o ha$e sch a te*"er# Yor gran)"arents
ha) short te*"ers an) it@s in %or &NA# It Dst goes throgh the generations
an) %o inherite) it# In a))itionU %o@re Irish7 an) that;s the natre of Irish
"eo"!e#
Ps%chic )eter*inis* (asica!!% sa%s %or "arents )i) it to %o# Yor
"(ringing7 %or chi!)hoo) e<"erience essentia!!% !ai) ot %or "ersona!
ten)encies an) %or character strctre# That=s wh% %o@re afrai) to (e in
front of a gro"# It@s the wa% %or "arents (roght %o "# Yo fee! terri(!%
gi!t% if %o *a?e a *ista?e (ecase %o Gre*e*(erG )ee" insi)e the
e*otiona! scri"ting when %o were5 $er% $!nera(!e an) ten)er an)
)e"en)ent# Yo @@re*e*(erG the e*otiona! "nish*ent7 the reDection7 the
co*"arison with so*e(o)% e!se when %o )i)n@t "erfor* as we!! as
e<"ecte)#
En$iron*enta! )eter*inis* (asica!!% sa%s %or (oss is )oing it to %oA"r
%or s"ose7 or that (ratt% teenager7 or %or econo*ic sitation7 or nationa!
"o!icies# So*eone or so*ething in %or en$iron*ent is res"onsi(!e for %or
sitation#
Each of these *a"s is (ase) on the sti*!s5res"onse theor% we *oat often
thin? of in connection with Pa$!o$@s e<"eri*ents with )ogs# The (asic i)ea
is that we are con)itione) to res"on) in a "artic!ar wa% to a "artic!ar
sti*!s#

How accrate!% an) fnctiona!!% )o these )eter*inistic *a"s )escri(e the
territor%B How c!ear!% )o these *irrors ref!ect the tre natre of *anB &o
the% (eco*e se!f,f!fi!!ing "ro"heciesB Are the% (ase) on "rinci"!es we can
$a!i)ate within orse!$esB
STI-.L.S A0 RESPONSE
In answer to those Festions7 !et *e share with %o the cata!%tic stor% of
Vi?tor Fran?!#

HABTT 1 BE PROACTIVE
8K
Fran?! was a )eter*inist raise) in the tra)ition of Fre)ian "s%cho!og%7
which "ost!ates that whate$er ha""ens to %o as a chi!) sha"es %or
character an) "ersona!it% an) (asica!!% go$erns %or who!e !ife# The !i*its
an) "ara*eters of %or !ife are set7 an)7 (asica!!%7 %o can@t )o *ch a(ot
it#
Fran?! was a!so a "s%chiatrist an) a >ew# He was i*"risone) in the )eath
ca*"s of NaCi Ger*an%7 where he e<"erience) things that were so
re"gnant to or sense of )ecenc% that we sh))er to e$en re"eat the*#
His "arents7 his (rother7 an) his wife )ie) in the ca*"s or were sent to the
gas o$ens# E<ce"t for his sister7 his entire fa*i!% "erishe)# Fran?! hi*se!f
sffere) tortre an) inn*era(!e in)ignities7 ne$er ?nowing fro* one
*o*ent to the ne<t if his "ath wo!) !ea) to the o$ens or if he wo!) (e
a*ong the Gsa$e)G who wo!) re*o$e the (o)ies or sho$e! ot the ashes of
those so fate)#
One )a%7 na?e) an) a!one in a s*a!! roo*7 he (egan to (eco*e aware of
what he !ater ca!!e) Gthe !ast of the h*an free)o*sGA the free)o* his NaCi
ca"tors co!) not ta?e awa%# The% co!) contro! his entire en$iron*ent7 the%
co!) )o what the% wante) to his (o)%7 (t Vi?tor Fran?! hi*se!f was a se!f,
aware (eing who co!) !oo? as an o(ser$er at his $er% in$o!$e*ent# His
(asic i)entit% was intact# He co!) )eci)e within hi*se!f how a!! of this was
going to affect hi*# Between what ha""ene) to hi*7 or the sti*!s7 an) his
res"onse to it7 was his free)o* or "ower to choose that res"onse#
In the *i)st of his e<"eriences7 Fran?! wo!) "roDect hi*se!f into )ifferent
circ*stances7 sch as !ectring to his st)ents after his re!ease fro* the
)eath ca*"s# He wo!) )escri(e hi*se!f in the c!assroo*7 in his *in)@s e%e7
an) gi$e his st)ents the !essons he was !earning )ring his $er% tortre#
Throgh a series of sch )isci"!inesA*enta!7 e*otiona!7 an) *ora!7
"rinci"a!!% sing *e*or% an) i*aginationAhe e<ercise) his s*a!!7
e*(r%onic free)o* nti! it grew !arger an) !arger7 nti! he ha) *ore
free)o* than his NaCi ca"tors# The% ha) *ore !i(ert%7 *ore o"tions to
choose fro* in their en$iron*entE (t he ha) *ore free)o*7 *ore interna!
"ower to e<ercise his o"tions# He (eca*e an ins"iration to those aron) hi*7
e$en to so*e of the gar)s# He he!"e) others fin) *eaning in their sffering
an) )ignit% in their "rison e<istence#
In the *i)st of the *ost )egra)ing circ*stances i*agina(!e7 Fran?! se)
the h*an en)ow*ent of se!f,awareness to )isco$er a
:J THE SEVEN HA3TTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
fn)a*enta! "rinci"!e a(ot the natre of *anL Between sti*!s an)
res"onse7 *an has the free)o* to choose#
0ithin the free)o* to choose are those en)ow*ents that *a?e s niFe!%
h*an# In a))ition to se!f,awareness7 we ha$e i*agination,the a(i!it% to
create in or *in)s (e%on) or "resent rea!it%# 0e ha$e conscienceAa )ee"
inner awareness of right an) wrong7 of the "rinci"!es that go$ern or
(eha$ior7 an) a sense of the )egree to which or thoghts an) actions are in
har*on% with the*# An) we ha$e in)e"en)ent wi!!Athe a(i!it% to act (ase)
on or se!f,awareness7 free of a!! other inf!ences#
E$en the *ost inte!!igent ani*a!s ha$e none of these en)ow*ents# To se a
co*"ter *eta"hor7 the% are "rogra**e) (% instinct an)5"r ti*ing# The%
can (e traine) to (e res"onsi(!e7 (t the% can@t ta?e res"onsi(i!it% for that
trainingE in other wor)s7 the% can@t )irect it# The% can@t change the
"rogra**ing# The%@re not e$en aware of it#
Bt (ecase of or niFe h*an en)ow*ents7 we can write new "rogra*s
for orse!$es tota!!% a"art fro* or instincts an) training# This is wh% an
ani*a!@s ca"acit% is re!ati$e!% !i*ite) an) *an@s is n!i*ite)# Bt if we !i$e
!i?e ani*a!s7 ot of or own instincts an)7 con)itioning an) con)itions7 ot
of or co!!ecti$e *e*or%7 we too wi!! (e !i*ite)#
The )eter*inistic "ara)ig* co*es "ri*ari!% fro* the st)% of ani*a!sA
rats7 *on?e%s7 "igeons7 )ogsAan) nerotic an) "s%chotic "eo"!e# 0hi!e
this *a% *eet certain criteria of so*e researchers (ecase it see*s
*easra(!e an) "re)icta(!e7 the histor% oM *an?in) an) or own se!f,
awareness te!! s that this *a" )oesn@t )escri(e the territor% at a!!H
Or niFe h*an en)ow*ents !ift s a(o$e the ani*a! wor!)# The e<tent to
which we e<ercise an) )e$e!o" these en)ow*ents e*"owers s to f!fi!! or
niFe!% h*an "otentia!# Between sti*!s an) res"onse is or greatest
"owerAthe free)o* to choose#
GProacti$it%G &efine)
In )isco$ering the (asic "rinci"!e of the natre of *an7 Fran?! )escri(e) an
accrate se!f,*a" fro* which he (egan to )e$e!o" the first an) *ost (asic
ha(it of a high!% effecti$e "erson in an% en$iron*ent7 the ha(it of
"roacti$it%#
0hi!e the wor) "roacti$it% is now fair!% co**on in *anage*ent
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
:1
!iteratre7 it is a wor) %o won@t fin) in *ost )ictionaries# It *eans *ore
than *ere!% ta?ing initiati$e# It *eans that as h*an (eings7 we are
res"onsi(!e for or own !i$es# Or (eha$ior is a fnction of or )ecisions7
not or con)itions# 0e can s(or)inate fee!ings to $a!es# 0e ha$e the
initiati$e an) the res"onsi(i!it% to *a?e things ha""en#
Loo? at the wor) res"onsi(i!it%AGres"onse,a(i!it%GAthe a(i!it% to choose
%or res"onse# High!% "roacti$e "eo"!e recogniCe that res"onsi(i!it%# The%
)o not (!a*e circ*stances7 con)itions7 or con)itioning for their (eha$ior#
Their (eha$ior is a "ro)ct of their own conscios choice7 (ase) on $a!es7
rather than a "ro)ct of their con)itions7 (ase) on fee!ing#
Becase we are7 (% natre7 "roacti$e7 if or !i$es are a fnction of
con)itioning an) con)itions7 it is (ecase we ha$e7 (% conscios )ecision or
(% )efa!t7 chosen to e*"ower those things to contro! s#
In *a?ing sch a choice7 we (eco*e reacti$e# Reacti$e "eo"!e are often
affecte) (% their "h%sica! en$iron*ent# If the weather is goo)7 the% fee!
goo)# If it isn@t7 it affects their attit)e an) their "erfor*ance# Proacti$e
"eo"!e can carr% their own weather with
:2
the*# 0hether it rains or shines *a?es no )ifference to the*# The% are $a!e
)ri$enE an) if their $a!e is to "ro)ce goo) Fa!it% wor?7 it isn@t a fnction
of whether the weather is con)ci$e to it or not#
Reacti$e "eo"!e are a!so affecte) (% their socia! en$iron*ent7 (% the Gsocia!
weather#G 0hen "eo"!e treat the* we!!7 the% fee! we!!E when "eo"!e )on@t7
the% (eco*e )efensi$e or "rotecti$e# Reacti$e "eo"!e (i!) their e*otiona!
!i$es aron) the (eha$ior of others7 e*"owering the wea?nesses of other
"eo"!e to contro! the*#
The a(i!it% to s(or)inate an i*"!se to a $a!e is the essence of the
"roacti$e "erson# Reacti$e "eo"!e are )ri$en (% fee!ings7 (% circ*stances7
(% con)itions7 (% their en$iron*ent# Proacti$e "eo"!e are )ri$en (% $a!esA
caref!!% thoght a(ot7 se!ecte) an) interna!iCe) $a!es#
Proacti$e "eo"!e are sti!! inf!ence) (% e<terna! sti*!i7 whether "h%sica!7
socia!7 or "s%cho!ogica!# Bt their res"onse to the sti*!i7 conscios or
nconscios7 is a $a!e,(ase) choice or res"onse#
As E!eanor Roose$e!t o(ser$e)7 GNo one can hrt %o withot %or
consent#G In the wor)s of Gan)hi7 GThe% cannot ta?e awa% or se!f res"ect if
we )o not gi$e it to the*#G It is or wi!!ing "er*ission7 or consent to what
ha""ens to s7 that hrts s far *ore than what ha""ens to s in the first
"!ace#
I a)*it this is $er% har) to acce"t e*otiona!!%7 es"ecia!!% if we ha$e ha)
%ears an) %ears of e<"!aining or *iser% in the na*e of circ*stance or
so*eone e!se@s (eha$ior# Bt nti! a "erson can sa% )ee"!% an) honest!%7 GI
a* what I a* to)a% (ecase of the choices I *a)e %ester)a%7G that "erson
cannot sa%7 GI choose otherwise#G
Once in Sacra*ento when I was s"ea?ing on the s(Dect of "roacti$it%7 a
wo*an in the a)ience stoo) " in the *i))!e of *% "resentation an) starte)
ta!?ing e<cite)!%# It was a !arge a)ience7 an) as a n*(er of "eo"!e trne)
to !oo? at her7 she s))en!% (eca*e aware of what she was )oing7 grew
e*(arrasse) an) sat (ac? )own# Bt she see*e) to fin) it )iffic!t to
restrain herse!f an) starte) ta!?ing to the "eo"!e aron) her# She see*e) so
ha""%#
I co!) har)!% wait for a (rea? to fin) ot what ha) ha""ene)# 0hen it
fina!!% ca*e7 I i**e)iate!% went to her an) as?e) if she wo!) (e wi!!ing to
share her e<"erience#
GYo Dst can@t i*agine what@s ha""ene) to *eHG she e<c!ai*e)#
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
:3
GI@* a f!!,ti*e nrse to the *ost *isera(!e7 ngratef! *an %o can
"ossi(!% i*agine# Nothing I )o is goo) enogh for hi*# He ne$er e<"resses
a""reciationE he har)!% e$en ac?now!e)ges *e# He constant!% har"s at *e
an) fin)s fa!t with e$er%thing I )o# This *an has *a)e *% !ife *isera(!e
an) I often ta?e *% frstration ot on *% fa*i!%# The other nrses fee! the
sa*e wa%# 0e a!*ost "ra% for his )e*ise#
GAn) for %o to ha$e the ga!! to stan) " there an) sggest that nothing can
hrt *e7 that no one can hrt *e withot *% consent7 an) that I ha$e chosen
*% own e*otiona! !ife of (eing *isera(!eA we!!7 there was Dst no wa% I
co!) (% into that#
GBt I ?e"t thin?ing a(ot it# I rea!!% went insi)e *%se!f an) (egan to as?7
@&o I ha$e the "ower to choose *% res"onseB@ G0hen I fina!!% rea!iCe) that I
)o ha$e that "ower7 when I swa!!owe) that (itter "i!! an) rea!iCe) that I ha)
chosen to (e *isera(!e7 I a!so rea!iCe) that I co!) choose not to (e
*isera(!e# GAt that *o*ent I stoo) "# I fe!t as thogh I was (eing !et ot of
San Xentin# I wante) to %e!! to the who!e wor!)7 @I a* freeH I a* !et ot of
"risonH No !onger a* I going to (e contro!!e) (% the treat*ent of so*e
"erson#@ G
It@s not what ha""ens to s7 (t or res"onse to what ha""ens to s that hrts
s# Of corse7 things can hrt s "h%sica!!% or econo*ica!!% an) can case
sorrow# Bt or character7 or (asic i)entit%7 )oes not ha$e to (e hrt at a!!#
In fact7 or *ost )iffic!t e<"eriences (eco*e the crci(!es that forge or
character an) )e$e!o" the interna! "owers7 the free)o* to han)!e )iffic!t
circ*stances in the ftre an) to ins"ire others to )o so as we!!#
Fran?! is one of *an% who ha$e (een a(!e to )e$e!o" the "ersona! free)o*
in )iffic!t circ*stances to !ift an) ins"ire others# The ato(iogra"hica!
acconts of Vietna* "risoners of war "ro$i)e a))itiona! "ersasi$e
testi*on% of the transfor*ing "ower of sch "ersona! free)o* an) the effect
of the res"onsi(!e se of that free)o* on the "rison c!tre an) on the
"risoners7 (oth then an) now#
0e ha$e a!! ?nown in)i$i)a!s in $er% )iffic!t circ*stances7 "erha"s with
a ter*ina! i!!ness or a se$ere "h%sica! han)ica"7 who *aintain *agnificent
e*otiona! strength# How ins"ire) we arc (% their integrit%H Nothing has a
greater7 !onger !asting i*"assion "on another "erson than the awareness
that so*eone has transcen)e) sffering7 has transcen)e) circ*stance7
:4
an) is e*(o)%ing an) e<"ressing a $a!e that ins"ires an) enno(!es an) !ifts
!ife#
One of the *ost ins"iring ti*es San)ra an) I ha$e e$er ha) too? "!ace o$er a
for,%ear "erio) with a )ear frien) of ors na*e) Caro!7 who ha) a wasting
cancer )isease# She ha) (een one of San)ra@s (ri)es*ai)s7 an) the% ha) (een
(est frien)s for o$er 26 %ears#
0hen Caro! was in the $er% !ast stages of the )isease7 San)ra s"ent ti*e at
her (e)si)e he!"ing her write her "ersona! histor%# She retrne) fro* those
"rotracte) an) )iffic!t sessions a!*ost transfi<e) (% a)*iration for her
frien)@s corage an) her )esire to write s"ecia! *essages to (e gi$en to her
chi!)ren at )ifferent stages in their !i$es#
Caro! wo!) ta?e as !itt!e "ain,?i!!ing *e)ication as "ossi(!e7 so that she ha)
f!! access to her *enta! an) e*otiona! fac!ties# Then she wo!) whis"er
into a ta"e recor)er or to San)ra )irect!% as she too? notes# Caro! was so
"roacti$e7 so (ra$e7 an) so concerne) a(ot others that she (eca*e an
enor*os sorce of ins"iration to *an% "eo"!e aron) her#
I@!! ne$er forget the e<"erience of !oo?ing )ee"!% into Caro!@s e%es the )a%
(efore she "asse) awa% an) sensing ot of that )ee" ho!!owe) agon% a
"erson of tre*en)os intrinsic worth# I co!) see in her e%es a !ife of
character7 contri(tion7 an) ser$ice as we!! as !o$e an) concern an)
a""reciation#
-an% ti*es o$er the %ears7 I ha$e as?e) gro"s of "eo"!e how *an% ha$e
e$er e<"erience) (eing in the "resence of a )%ing in)i$i)a! who ha) a
*agnificent attit)e an) co**nicate) !o$e an) co*"assion an) ser$e) in
n*atcha(!e wa%s to the $er% en)# .sa!!%7 a(ot one,forth of the a)ience
res"on) in the affir*ati$e# I then as? how *an% of the* wi!! ne$er forget
these in)i$i)a!sAhow *an% were transfor*e)7 at !east te*"orari!%7 (% the
ins"iration of sch corage7 an) were )ee"!% *o$e) an) *oti$ate) to *ore
no(!e acts of ser$ice an) co*"assion# The sa*e "eo"!e res"on) again7
a!*ost ine$ita(!%#
Vi?tor Fran?! sggests that there are three centra! $a!es in !ifeAthe
e<"erientia!7 or that which ha""ens to sE the creati$e7 or that which we
(ring into e<istenceE an) the attit)ina!7 or or res"onse in )iffic!t
circ*stances sch as ter*ina! i!!ness#
-% own e<"erience with "eo"!e confir*s the "oint Fran?! *a?esAthat the
highest of the three $a!es is attit)ina!7 in the
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
:6
"ara)ig* or refra*ing sense# In other wor)s7 what *atters *ost is how we
res"on) to what we e<"erience in !ife#
&iffic!t circ*stances often create "ara)ig* shifts7 who!e new fra*es of
reference (% which "eo"!e see the wor!) an) the*se!$es an) others in it7 an)
what !ife is as?ing of the*# Their !arger "ers"ecti$e ref!ects the attit)ina!
$a!es that !ift an) ins"ire s a!!#
Ta<ing the Initiati$e
Or (asic natre is to act7 an) not (e acte) "on# As we!! as ena(!ing s to
choose or res"onse to "artic!ar circ*stances7 this e*"owers s to create
circ*stances#
Ta?ing initiati$e )oes not *ean (eing "sh%7 o(no<ios7 or aggressi$e# It
)oes *ean recogniCing or res"onsi(i!it% to *a?e things ha""en#
O$er the %ears7 I ha$e freFent!% conse!e) "eo"!e who wante) (etter Do(s
to show *ore initiati$eAto ta?e interest an) a"tit)e tests7 to st)% the
in)str%7 e$en the s"ecific "ro(!e*s the organiCations the% are intereste) in
are facing7 an) then to )e$e!o" an effecti$e "resentation showing how their
a(i!ities can he!" so!$e the organiCation@s "ro(!e*# It@s ca!!e) Gso!tion
se!!ing7G an) is a ?e% "ara)ig* in (siness sccess#
The res"onse is sa!!% agree*entA*ost "eo"!e can see how "owerf!!%
sch an a""roach wo!) affect their o""ortnities for e*"!o%*ent or
a)$ance*ent# Bt *an% of the* fai! to ta?e the necessar% ste"s7 the
initiati$e7 to *a?e it ha""en#
GI )on@t ?now where to go to ta?e the interest an) a"tit)e tests#G
GHow )o I st)% in)str% an) organiCationa! "ro(!e*sB No one wants to
he!" *e#G
GI )on@t ha$e an% i)ea how to *a?e an effecti$e "resentation#G
-an% "eo"!e wait for so*ething to ha""en or so*eone to ta?e care of the*#
Bt "eo"!e who en) " with the goo) Do(s are the "roacti$e ones who are
so!tions to "ro(!e*s7 not "ro(!e*s the*se!$es7 who seiCe the initiati$e to
)o whate$er is necessar%7 consistent with correct "rinci"!es7 to get the Do(
)one#
0hene$er so*eone in or fa*i!%7 e$en one of the %onger chi!)ren7 ta?es an
irres"onsi(!e "osition an) waits for so*eone e!se to *a?e things ha""en or
"ro$i)e a so!tion7 we te!! the*7 G.se %or R an) IHG Mresorcef!ness an)
initiati$eN# In fact7 often (efore we can sa% it7 the% answer their own
co*"!aints7 GI ?nowAse *% R an) IHG
:8
Ho!)ing "eo"!e to the res"onsi(!e corse is not )e*eaningE it is affir*ing#
Proacti$it% is "art of h*an natre7 an)7 a!thogh the "roacti$e *sc!es *a%
(e )or*ant7 the% are there# B% res"ecting the "roacti$e natre of other
"eo"!e7 we "ro$i)e the* with at !east one c!ear7 n)istorte) ref!ection fro*
the socia! *irror#
Of corse7 the *atrit% !e$e! of the in)i$i)a! has to (e ta?en into accont#
0e can@t e<"ect high creati$e coo"eration fro* those who are )ee" into
e*otiona! )e"en)ence# Bt we can7 at !east7 affir* their (asic natre an)
create an at*os"here where "eo"!e can seiCe o""ortnities an) so!$e
"ro(!e*s in an increasing!% se!f,re!iant wa%#
Act or Be Acte) ."on
The )ifference (etween "eo"!e who e<ercise initiati$e an) those who )on@t is
!itera!!% the )ifference (etween night an) )a%# I@* not ta!?ing a(ot a 26 to
6J "ercent )ifference in effecti$enessE I@* ta!?ing a(ot a 6JJJ,"!s "ercent
)ifference7 "artic!ar!% if the% are s*art7 aware7 an) sensiti$e to others#
It ta?es initiati$e to create the P5PC Ba!ance of effecti$eness in %or !ife# It
ta?es initiati$e to )e$e!o" the Se$en Ha(its# As %o st)% the other si<
ha(its7 %o wi!! see that each )e"en)s on the )e$e!o"*ent of %or "roacti$e
*sc!es# Each "ts the res"onsi(i!it% on %o to act# If %o wait to (e acte)
"on7 %o wi!! (e acte) "on# An) growth an) o""ortnit% conseFences
atten) either roa)#
At one ti*e I wor?e) with a gro" of "eo"!e in the ho*e i*"ro$e*ent
in)str%7 re"resentati$es fro* twent% )ifferent organiCations who *et
Farter!% to share their n*(ers an) "ro(!e*s in an ninhi(ite) wa%#
This was )ring a ti*e of hea$% recession7 an) the negati$e i*"act on this
"artic!ar in)str% was e$en hea$ier than on the econo*% in genera!# These
"eo"!e were fair!% )iscorage) as we (egan#
The first )a%7 or )iscssion Festion was G0hat=s ha""ening to sB 0hat=s
the sti*!sBG -an% things were ha""ening# The en$iron*enta! "ressres
were "owerf!# There was wi)es"rea) ne*"!o%*ent7 an) *an% of these
"eo"!e were !a%ing off frien)s Dst to *aintain the $ia(i!it% of their
enter"rises# B% the en) of the )a%7 e$er%one was e$en *ore )iscorage)#
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
::
The secon) )a%7 we a))resse) the Festion7 G0hat=s going to ha""en in the
ftreBG 0e st)ie) en$iron*enta! tren)s with the n)er!%ing reacti$e
ass*"tion that those things wo!) create their ftre# B% the en) of the
secon) )a%7 we were e$en *ore )e"resse)# Things were going to get worse
(efore the% got (etter7 an) e$er%one ?new it#
So on the thir) )a%7 we )eci)e) to focs on the "roacti$e Festion7 G0hat is
or res"onseB 0hat are we going to )oB How can we e<ercise initiati$e in
this sitationBG In the *orning we ta!?e) a(ot *anaging an) re)cing
costs# In the afternoon we )iscsse) increasing *ar?et share# 0e
(rainstor*e) (oth areas7 then concentrate) on se$era! $er% "ractica!7 $er%
)oa(!e things# A new s"irit of e<cite*ent7 ho"e7 an) "roacti$e awareness
conc!)e) the *eetings#
At the $er% en) of the thir) )a%7 we s**ariCe) the res!ts of the
conference in a three,"art answer to the Festion7 GHow@s (sinessBG
Part oneL 0hat=s ha""ening to s is not goo)7 an) the tren)s sggest that it
wi!! get worse (efore it gets (etter#
Part twoL Bt what we are casing to ha""en is $er% goo)7 for we are (etter
*anaging an) re)cing or costs an) increasing or *ar?et share#
Part threeL Therefore7 (siness is (etter than e$er#
Now what wo!) a reacti$e *in) sa% to thatB GOh7 co*e on# Face facts# Yo
can on!% carr% this "ositi$e thin?ing an) se!f,"s%ch a""roach so far# Sooner
or !ater %o ha$e to face rea!it%#G
Bt that=s the )ifference (etween "ositi$e thin?ing an) "ro,acti$it%# 0e )i)
face rea!it%# 0e face) the rea!it% of the crrent circ*stance Uan) of ftre
"roDections# Bt we a!so face) the rea!it% that we ha) the "ower to choose a
"ositi$e res"onse to those circ*stances an) "roDections# Not facing rea!it%
wo!) ha$e (een to acce"t the i)ea f at what;s ha""ening in or en$iron*ent
ha) to )eter*ine s#
Bsinesses7 co**nit% gro"s7 organiCations of e$er% ?in)A inc!)ing
fa*i!iesAcan (e "roacti$e# The% can co*(ine the creati$it% an)
resorcef!ness of "roacti$e in)i$i)a!s to create a "roacti$e c!tre within
the organiCation# The organiCation )oes not ha$e to (e at the *erc% of the
en$iron*entE it can ta?e the initiati$e to acco*"!ish the share) $a!es an)
"r"oses of the in)i$i)a!s in$o!$e)#
:I
Listening to Or Langage
Becase or attit)es an) (eha$iors f!ow ot of or "ara)ig*s7 if we se or
se!f,awareness to e<a*ine the*7 we can often see in the* the natre of or
n)er!%ing *a"s# Or !angage7 for e<a*"!e7 is a $er% rea! in)icator of the
)egree to which we see orse!$es as "roacti$e "eo"!e#
The !angage of reacti$e "eo"!e a(so!$es the* of res"onsi(i!it%#
GThat@s *e# That@s Dst the wa% I a*#G I a* )eter*ine)# There@s nothing I can
)o a(ot it#
GHe *a?es *e so *a)HG I@* not res"onsi(!e# -% e*otiona! !ife is go$erne)
(% so*ething otsi)e *% contro!#
GI can@t )o that# I Dst )on@t ha$e the ti*e#G So*ething otsi)e *eA!i*ite)
ti*eAis contro!!ing *e#
GIf on!% *% wife were *ore "atient#G So*eone e!se@s (eha$ior is !i*iting *%
effecti$eness#
GI ha$e to )o it#G Circ*stances or other "eo"!e are forcing *e to )o what I
)o# I@* not free to choose *% own actions#
Reacti$e Langage
There@s nothing I can )o#
That=s Dst the wa% I a*#
He *a?es *e so *a)#
The% won@t a!!ow that#
I ha$e to )o that#
I can@t#
I *st#
If on!%#
Proacti$e Langage
Let@s !oo? at or a!ternati$es#
I can choose a )ifferent a""roach#
I contro! *% own fee!ings#
I can create an effecti$e "resentation#
I wi!! choose an a""ro"riate res"onse#
I choose#
I "refer#
I wi!!#
That !angage co*es fro* a (asic "ara)ig* of )eter*inis*# An) the who!e
s"irit of it is the transfer of res"onsi(i!it%# I a* not res"onsi(!e7 not a(!e to
choose *% res"onse#
One ti*e a st)ent as?e) *e7 G0i!! %o e<cse *e fro* c!assB I ha$e to go
on a tennis tri"#G
GYo ha$e to go7 or %o choose to goBG I as?e)#
GI rea!!% ha$e to7G he e<c!ai*e)#
G0hat wi!! ha""en if %o )on@tBG
G0h%7 the%@!! ?ic? *e off the tea*#G
GHow wo!) %o !i?e that conseFenceBG
GI wo!)n@t#G
HABIT t BE PROACTIVE
:K
GIn other wor)s7 %o choose to go (ecase %o want the conseFence of
sta%ing on the tea*# 0hat wi!! ha""en if %o *iss *% c!assBG
GI )on@t ?now#G
GThin? har)# 0hat )o %o thin? wo!) (e the natra! conseFence of not
co*ing to c!assBG
GYo wo!)n@t ?ic? *e ot7 wo!) %oBG
GThat wo!) (e a socia! conseFence# That wo!) (e artificia!# If %o )on@t
"artici"ate on the tennis tea*7 %o )on@t "!a%# That=s natra!# Bt if %o )on@t
co*e to c!ass7 what wo!) (e the natra! conseFenceBG
GI gess I@!! *iss the !earning#G
GThat@s right# So %o ha$e to weigh that conseFence against the other
conseFence an) *a?e a choice# I ?now if it were *e7 I@) choose to go on
the tennis tri"# Bt ne$er sa% %o ha$e to )o an%thing#G
GI choose to go on the tennis tri"7G he *ee?!% re"!ie)#
GAn) *iss *% c!assBG I re"!ie) in *oc? )is(e!ief#
A serios "ro(!e* with reacti$e !angage is that it (eco*es a se!f,f!fi!!ing
"ro"hec%# Peo"!e (eco*e reinforce) in the "ara)ig* that the% are
)eter*ine)7 an) the% "ro)ce e$i)ence to s""ort the (e!ief# The% fee!
increasing!% $icti*iCe) an) ot of contro!7 not in charge of their !ife or their
)estin%# The% (!a*e otsi)e forcesAother "eo"!e7 circ*stances7 e$en the
starsAfor their own sitation#
At one se*inar where I was s"ea?ing on the conce"t of "roacti$it%7 a *an
ca*e " an) sai)7 GSte"hen7 I !i?e what %o@re sa%ing# Bt e$er% sitation is
so )ifferent# Loo? at *% *arriage# I@* rea!!% worrie)# -% wife an) I Dst
)on@t ha$e the sa*e fee!ings for each other we se) to ha$e# I gess I Dst
)on@t !o$e her an%*ore an) she )oesn@t !o$e *e# 0hat can I )oBG
GThe fee!ing isn@t there an%*oreBG I as?e)#
GThat@s right7G he reaffir*e)# GAn) we ha$e three chi!)ren we@re rea!!%
concerne) a(ot# 0hat )o %o sggestBG
GLo$e her7G I re"!ie)#
GI to!) %o7 the fee!ing Dst isn@t there an%*ore#G
GLo$e her#G
GYo )on@t n)erstan)# The fee!ing of !o$e Dst isn@t there#G
GThen !o$e her# If the fee!ing isn@t there7 that@s a goo) reason to !o$e her#G
IJ
GBt how )o %o !o$e when %o )on@t !o$eBG
G-% frien)7 !o$e is a $er(# Lo$eAthe fee!ingAis a frit of !o$e7 the $er(# So
!o$e her# Ser$e her# Sacrifice# Listen to her# E*"athiCe# A""reciate# Affir*
her# Are %o wi!!ing to )o thatBG
In the great !iteratre of a!! "rogressi$e societies7 !o$e is a $er(# Reacti$e
"eo"!e *a?e it a fee!ing# The%@re )ri$en (% fee!ings# Ho!!%woo) has
genera!!% scri"te) s to (e!ie$e that we are not res"onsi(!e7 that we are a
"ro)ct of or fee!ings# Bt the Ho!!%woo) scri"t )oes not )escri(e the
rea!it%# If or fee!ings contro! or actions7 it is (ecase we ha$e a()icate)
or res"onsi(i!it% an) e*"owere) the* to )o so#
Proacti$e "eo"!e *a?e !o$e a $er(# Lo$e is so*ething %o )oL the sacrifices
%o *a?e7 the gi$ing of se!f7 !i?e a *other (ringing a new(orn into the
wor!)# If %o want to st)% !o$e7 st)% those who sacrifice for others7 e$en
for "eo"!e who offen) or )o not !o$e in retrn# If %o are a "arent7 !oo? at
the !o$e %o ha$e for the chi!)ren %o sacrifice) for# Lo$e is a $a!e that is
acta!iCe) throgh !o$ing actions# Proacti$e "eo"!e s(or)inate fee!ings to
$a!es# Lo$e7 the fee!ing7 can (e reca"tre)#
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE I1
Circ!e of Concern5Circ!e of Inf!ence
Another e<ce!!ent wa% to (eco*e *ore se!f,aware regar)ing or own )egree
of "roacti$it% is to !oo? at where we focs or ti*e an) energ%# 0e each
ha$e a wi)e range of concernsAor hea!th7 or chi!)ren7 "ro(!e*s at wor?7
the nationa! )e(t7 nc!ear war# 0e co!) se"arate those fro* things in which
we ha$e no "artic!ar *enta! or e*otiona! in$o!$e*ent (% creating a GCirc!e
of Concern#G
I2 THE SEVEN HABfTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Circ!e of Inf!ence
As we !oo? at those things within or Circ!e of Concern7 it (eco*es
a""arent that there are so*e things o$er which we ha$e no rea! contro! an)
others that we can )o so*ething a(ot# 0e co!) i)entif% those concerns in
the !atter gro" (% circ*scri(ing the* within a s*a!!er Circ!e of Inf!ence#
B% )eter*ining which of these two circ!es is the focs of *ost of or ti*e
an) energ%7 we can )isco$er *ch a(ot the )egree of or "roacti$it%#
I3 HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
Proacti$e "eo"!e focs their efforts in the Circ!e of Inf!ence# The% wor? on
the things the% can )o so*ething a(ot# The natre of their energ% is
"ositi$e7 en!arging an) *agnif%ing7 casing their Circ!e of Inf!ence to
increase#
Reacti$e "eo"!e7 on the other han)7 focs their efforts in the Circ!e of
Concern# The% focs on the wea?ness of other "eo"!e7 the "ro(!e*s in the
en$iron*ent7 an) circ*stances o$er which the% ha$e no contro!# Their
focs res!ts in (!a*ing an) accsing attit)es7 reacti$e !angage7 an)
increase) fee!ings of $icti*iCation# The negati$e energ% generate) (% that
focs7 co*(ine) with neg!ect in areas the% co!) )o so*ething a(ot7 cases
their Circ!e of Inf!ence to shrin?#
I4 THE SEVEN HANTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
As !ong as we are wor?ing * or Circ!e of Concern7 we e*"ower the things
within it to contro! s# 0e aren@t ta?ing the "roacti$e initiati$e necessar% to
e!ect "ositi$e change#
Ear!ier7 I share) with %o the stor% of *% son who was ha$ing serios
"ro(!e*s in schoo!# San)ra an) I were )ee"!% concerne) a(ot his a""arent
wea?nesses a) a(ot the wa% other "eo"!e were treating hi*#
Bt those things were in or Circ!e of Concern# As !ong as we focse) or
efforts on those things7 we acco*"!ishe) nothing7 e<ce"t to increase or
own fee!ings of ina)eFac% an) he!"!essness an) to reinforce or son@s
)e"en)ence
It was on!% when we went to for? in or Circ!e of Inf!ence7 when we
focse) on or own "ara)ig*s that we (egan to create a "ositi$e energ% that
change) orse!$es an) e$enta!!% inf!ence)
HA0T 1 BE PROACTIVE
I6
or son as we!!# B% wor?ing on orse!$es instea) of worr%ing a(ot
con)itions7 we were a(!e to inf!ence the con)itions#
Becase of "osition7 wea!th7 ro!e7 or re!ationshi"s7 there are so*e
circ*stances in which a "erson@s Circ!e of Inf!ence is !arger than his or
her Circ!e of Concern#
This sitation ref!ects a se!f,inf!icte) e*otiona! *%o"iaAanother reacti$e
se!fish !ife,st%!e focse) in the Circ!e of Concern#
Thogh the% *a% ha$e to "rioritiCe the se of their inf!ence7 "roacti$e
"eo"!e ha$e a Circ!e of Concern that is at !east as (ig as their Circ!e of
Inf!ence7 acce"ting the res"onsi(i!it% to se their inf!ence effecti$e!%#
&irect7 In)irect7 an) No Contro!
The "ro(!e*s we face fa!! in one of three areasL )irect contro! M"ro(!e*s
in$o!$ing or own (eha$iorNE in)irect contro! M"ro(!e*s in$o!$ing other
"eo"!e@s (eha$iorNE or no contro! M"ro(!e*s we can )o nothing a(ot7 sch as
or "ast or sitationa! rea!itiesN# The "roacti$e a""roach "ts the first ste" in
the so!tion of a!! three ?in)s of "ro(!e*s within or "resent Circ!e of
Inf!ence#
I8
&irect contro! "ro(!e*s are so!$e) (% wor?ing on or ha(its# The% are
o($ios!% within or Circ!e of Inf!ence# These are the GPri$ate VictoriesG
of Ha(its 17 27 an) 3#
in)irect contro! "ro(!e*s are so!$e) (% changing or *etho)s of inf!ence#
These are the GP(!ic VictoriesG of Ha(its 47 67 an) 8#1 ha$e "ersona!!%
i)entifie) o$er 3J se"arate *etho)s of h*an inf!enceAas se"arate as
e*"ath% is fro* confrontation7 as se"arate as e<a*"!e is fro* "ersasion#
-ost "eo"!e ha$e on!% three or for of these *etho)s in their re"ertoire7
starting sa!!% with reasoning7 an)7 if that )oesn@t wor?7 *o$ing to f!ight or
fight# How !i(erating it is to acce"t the i)ea that I can !earn new *etho)s of
h*an inf!ence instea) of constant!% tr%ing to se o!) ineffecti$e *etho)s
to Gsha"e "G so*eone e!seH
No contro! "ro(!e*s in$o!$e ta?ing the res"onsi(i!it% to change the !ine on
the (otto* on or faceAto s*i!e7 to genine!% an) "eacef!!% acce"t these
"ro(!e*s an) !earn to !i$e with the*7 e$en thogh we )on@t !i?e the*# In this
wa%7 we )o not e*"ower these "ro(!e*s to contro! s# 0e share in the s"irit
e*(o)ie) in the A!coho!ics Anon%*os "ra%er7 GLor)7 gi$e *e the corage
to change the things which can an) oght to (e change)7 the serenit% to
acce"t the things which cannot (e change)7 an) the wis)o* to ?now the
)ifference#G
0hether a "ro(!e* is )irect7 in)irect7 or no contro!7 we ha$e in or han)s the
first ste" to the so!tion# Changing or ha(its7 changing or *etho)s of
inf!ence an) changing the wa% we see or no contro! "ro(!e*s are a!!
within or Circ!e of Inf!ence#
E<"an)ing the Circ!e of Inf!ence
It is ins"iring to rea!iCe that in choosing or res"onse to circ*stance7 we
"owerf!!% affect or circ*stance# 0hen wY change one "art of the
che*ica! for*!a7 we change the natre of the res!ts#
I wor?e) with one organiCation for se$era! %ears that hea)e) (% a $er%
)%na*ic "erson# He co!) rea) tren)s# He creati$e7 ta!ente)7 ca"a(!e7 an)
(ri!!iantAan) e$er%one ?new it# Bt he ha) a $er% )ictatoria! st%!e of
*anage*ent# He ten)e) to treat "eo"!e !i?e Ggofers7G as if the% )i)n@t ha$e
an% D)g*ent# His *anner of s"ea?ing to those who wor?e) in the
organiCation was7 GGo for this ### go for that# # # now )o this # # # now )o that
AI@!! *a?e the )ecisions#G
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
I:
The net effect was that he a!ienate) a!*ost the entire e<ecti$e tea*
srron)ing hi*# The% wo!) gather in the corri)ors an) co*"!ain to each
other a(ot hi*# Their )iscssion was a!! $er% so"histicate)7 $er% artic!ate7
as if the% were tr%ing to he!" the sitation# Bt the% )i) it en)!ess!%7
a(so!$ing the*se!$es of res"onsi(i!it% in the na*e of the "resi)ent@s
wea?nesses#
GYo can@t i*agine what@s ha""ene) this ti*e7G so*eone wo!) sa%# @The
other )a% he went into *% )e"art*ent# I ha) e$er%thing a!! !ai) ot# Bt he
ca*e in an) ga$e tota!!% )ifferent signa!s# E$er%thing I@) )one for *onths
was shot7 Dst !i?e that# I )on@t ?now how I@* s""ose) to ?ee" wor?ing for
hi*# How !ong wi!! it (e nti! he retiresBG
GHe@s on!% fift%,nine7G so*eone e!se wo!) res"on)# G&o %o thin? %o can
sr$i$e for si< *ore %earsBG
GI )on@t ?now# He@s the ?in) of "erson the% "ro(a(!% won@t retire an%wa%#G
Bt one of the e<ecti$es was "roacti$e# He was )ri$en (% $a!es7 not
fee!ings# He too? the initiati$eAhe antici"ate)7 he e*"athiCe)7 he rea) the
sitation# He was not (!in) to the "resi)ent@s wea?nessesE (t instea) of
criticiCing the*7 he wo!) co*"ensate for the*# 0here the "resi)ent was
wea? in his st%!e7 he@) tr% to (ffer his own "eo"!e an) *a?e sch
wea?nesses irre!e$ant# An) he@) wor? with the "resi)ent@s strengthsAhis
$ision7 ta!ent7 creati$it%#
This *an focse) on his Circ!e of Inf!ence# He was treate) !i?e a gofer7
a!so# Bt he wo!) )o *ore than what was e<"ecte)# He antici"ate) the
"resi)ent@s nee)# He rea) with e*"ath% the "resi)ent@s n)er!%ing concern7
so when he "resente) infor*ation7 he a!so ga$e his ana!%sis an) his
reco**en)ations (ase) on that ana!%sis#
As I sat one )a% with the "resi)ent in an a)$isor% ca"acit%7 he sai)7
GSte"hen7 IZDst can@t (e!ie$e what this *an has )one# He@s not on!% gi$en
*e the infor*ation I reFeste)7 (t he@s "ro$i)e) a))itiona! infor*ation
that@s e<act!% what we nee)e)# He e$en ga$e *e his ana!%sis of it in ter*s of
*% )ee"est concerns7 an) a !ist of his reco**en)ations#
GThe reco**en)ations are consistent with the ana!%sis7 an) the ana!%sis is
consistent with the )ata# He@s re*ar?a(!eH 0hat a re!ief not to ha$e to worr%
a(ot this "art of the (siness#G
At the ne<t *eeting7 it was Ggo for thisG an) Ggo for thatG to a!! the
e<ecti$es # # # (t one# To this *an7 it was G0hat@s %or o"inionBG His
Circ!e of Inf!ence ha) grown#
II TH! SEVEN HAHIS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
This case) Fite a stir in the organiCation# The reacti$e *in)s in the
e<ecti$e corri)ors (egan shooting their $in)icti$e a**nition at this
"roacti$e *an#
It@s the natre of reacti$e "eo"!e to a(so!$e the*se!$es of res"onsi(i!it%# If s
so *ch safer to sa%7 GI a* not res"onsi(!e#G If I sa% GI a* res"onsi(!e7G I
*ight ha$e to sa%7 GI a* irres"onsi(!e#G It wo!) (e $er% har) for *e to sa%
that I ha$e the "ower to choose *% res"onse an) that the res"onse I ha$e
chosen has res!te) in *% in$o!$e*ent in a negati$e7 co!!si$e en$iron*ent7
es"ecia!!% if for %ears I ha$e a(so!$e) *%se!f of res"onsi(i!it% for res!ts in
the na*e of so*eone e!se@s wea?nesses#
So these e<ecti$es focse) on fin)ing *ore infor*ation7 *ore a**nition7
*ore e$i)ence as to wh% the% weren@t res"onsi(!e#
Bt this *an was "roacti$e towar) the*7 too# Litt!e (% !itt!e7 his Circ!e of
Inf!ence towar) the* grew a!so# It contine) to e<"an) to the e<tent that
e$enta!!% no one *a)e an% significant *o$es in the organiCation withot
that *an@s in$o!$e*ent an) a""ro$a!7 inc!)ing the "resi)ent# Bt the
"resi)ent )i) not fee! threatene) (ecase this *an@s strength co*"!e*ente)
his strength an) co*"ensate) for his wea?nesses# So he ha) the strength of
two "eo"!e7 a co*"!e*entar% tea*#
This *an@s sccess was not )e"en)ent on his circ*stances# -an% others
were in the sa*e sitation# It was his chosen res"onse to those
circ*stances7 his focs on his Circ!e of Inf!ence7 that *a)e the )ifference#
There are so*e "eo"!e who inter"ret G"roacti$eG to *ean "sh%7 aggressi$e7
or insensiti$eE (t that isn@t the case at a!!# Proacti$e "eo"!e aren@t "sh%#
The%@re s*art7 the%@re $a!e )ri$en7 the% rea) rea!it%7 an) the% ?now what@s
nee)e)#
Loo? at Gan)hi# 0hi!e his accsers were in the !egis!ati$e cha*(ers
criticiCing hi* (ecase he wo!)n@t Doin in their Circ!e of Concern Rhetoric
con)e*ning the British E*"ire for their s(Dgation of the In)ian "eo"!e7
Gan)hi was ot in the rice "a))ies7 Fiet!%7 s!ow!%7 i*"erce"ti(!% e<"an)ing
his Circ!e of Inf!ence with the fie!) !a(orers# A gron) swe!! of s""ort7 of
trst7 of confi)ence fo!!owe) hi* throgh the contr%si)e# Thogh he he!)
no office or "o!itica! "osition7 throgh co*"assion7 corage7 fasting7 an)
*ora! "ersasion he e$enta!!% (roght Eng!an) to its ?nees7 (rea?ing
"o!itica! )o*ination of three hn)re) *i!!ion "eo"!e with the "ower of his
great!% e<"an)e) Circ!e of Inf!ence#
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
IK
The GHa$e@sG an) the GBe@sG
One wa% to )eter*ine which circ!e or concern is in is to )istingish
(etween the ha$e@s an) the (e@s# The Circ!e of Concern is fi!!e) with the
ha$e@sL
GI@!! (e ha""% when I ha$e *% hose "ai) off#G
GIf on!% I ha) a (oss who wasn@t sch a )ictator# # # #G
GIf on!% I ha) a *ore "atient hs(an)# # # #G
GIf I ha) *ore o(e)ient ?i)s# # # #G
GIf I ha) *% )egree# ###G
GIf 5 co!) Dst ha$e *ore ti*e to *%se!f# # # #G
The Circ!e of Inf!ence is fi!!e) with the (e@sAI can (e *ore "atient7 (e
wise7 (e !o$ing# It@s the character focs#
An%ti*e we thin? the "ro(!e* is Got there7G that thoght is the "ro(!e*#
0e e*"ower what@s ot there to contro! s# The change "ara)ig* is
Gotsi)e,inGAwhat@s ot there has to change (efore we can change#
The "roacti$e a""roach is to change fro* the L to (e )ifferent7 an) (% (eing
)ifferent7 to effect "ositi$e change in what@s ot thereAI can (e *ore
resorcef!7 I can (e *ore )i!igent7 I can (e *ore creati$e7 I can (e *ore
coo"erati$e#
One of *% fa$orite stories is one in the O!) Testa*ent7 "art of the
fn)a*enta! fa(ric of the >)eo,Christian tra)ition# It@s the stor% of >ose"h7
who was so!) into s!a$er% in Eg%"t (% his (rothers at the age of se$enteen#
Can %o i*agine how eas% it wo!) ha$e (een for hi* to !angish in se!f,
"it% as a ser$ant of Poti"har7 to focs on the wea?nesses of his (rothers an)
his ca"tors an) on a!! he )i)n@t ha$eB Bt >ose"h was "roacti$e# He wor?e)
on (e# An) within a short "erio) of ti*e7 he was rnning Poti"har@s
hoseho!)# He was in charge of a!! that Poti"har ha) (ecase the trst was so
high#
Then the )a% ca*e when >ose"h was caght in a )iffic!t sitation an)
refse) to co*"ro*ise his integrit%# As a res!t7 he was nDst!% i*"risone)
for thirteen %ears# Bt again he was "roacti$e# He wor?e) on the inner circ!e7
on (eing instea) of ha$ing7 an) soon he was rnning the "rison an)
e$enta!!% the entire nation of Eg%"t7 secon) on!% to the Pharaoh#
I ?now this i)ea is a )ra*atic "ara)ig* shift for *an% "eo"!e# It is so *ch
easier to (!a*e other "eo"!e7 con)itioning7 or con)itions for or own
stagnant sitation# Bt we are res"onsi(!eAGres"onse,a(!eGAto contro! or
!i$es an) to "owerf!!% inf!ence or circ*stances (% wor?ing on (e7 on
what we are#
KJ
If I ha$e a "ro(!e* in *% *arriage7 what )o I rea!!% gain (% contina!!%
confessing *% wife@s sinsB B% sa%ing I@* not res"onsi(!e7 I *a?e *%se!f a
"ower!ess $icti*E I i**o(i!iCe *%se!f in a negati$e sitation# I a!so
)i*inish *% a(i!it% to inf!ence herA*% nagging7 accsing7 critica! attit)e
on!% *a?es her fee! $a!i)ate) in her own wea?ness# -% criticis* is worse
than the con)ct I want to correct# -% a(i!it% to "ositi$e!% i*"act the
sitation withers an) )ies#
If I rea!!% want to i*"ro$e *% sitation7 I can wor? on the one thing o$er
which I ha$e contro!A*%se!f# I can sto" tr%ing to sha"e " *% wife an)
wor? on *% own wea?nesses# I can focs on (eing a great *arriage "artner7
a sorce of ncon)itiona! !o$e an) s""ort# Ho"ef!!%7 *% wife wi!! fee! the
"ower of "roacti$e e<a*"!e an) res"on) in ?in)# Bt whether she )oes or
)oesn@t7 the *ost "ositi$e wa% I can inf!ence *% sitation is to wor? on
*%se!f7 on *% (eing#
There are so *an% wa%s to wor? in the Circ!e of Inf!enceAto (e a (etter
!istener7 to (e a *ore !o$ing *arriage "artner7 to (e a (etter st)ent7 to (e a
*ore coo"erati$e an) )e)icate) e*"!o%ee# So*eti*es the *ost "roacti$e
thing we can )o is to (e ha""%7 Dst to genine!% s*i!e# Ha""iness7 !i?e
nha""iness7 is a "roacti$e choice# There are things7 !i?e the weather7 that
or Circ!e of Inf!ence wi!! ne$er inc!)e# Bt as "roacti$e "eo"!e7 we can
carr% or own "h%sica! or socia! weather with s# 0e can (e ha""% an)
acce"t those things that at "resent we can@t contro!7 whi!e we focs or
efforts on the things that we can#
The Other En) of the Stic?
Before we tota!!% shift or !ife focs to or Circ!e of Inf!ence7 we nee) to
consi)er two things in or Circ!e of Concern that *erit )ee"er thoghtA
conseFences an) *ista?es#
0hi!e we are free to choose or actions7 we are not free to choose the
conseFences of those actions# ConseFences are go$erne) (% natra! !aw#
The% are ot in the Circ!e of Concern# 0e can )eci)e to ste" in front of a
fast,*o$ing train7 (t we cannot )eci)e what wi!! ha""en when the train hits
s#
0e can )eci)e to (e )ishonest in or (siness )ea!ings# 0hi!e the socia!
conseFences of that )ecision *a% $ar% )e"en)ing on whether or not we are
fon) ot7 the natra! conseFences to or (asic character are a fi<e) res!t#
Or (eha$ior is go$erne) (% "rinci"!es# Li$ing in har*on% with
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
K1
the* (rings "ositi$e conseFencesE $io!ating the* (rings negati$e
conseFences# 0e are free to choose or res"onse in an% sitation7 (t in
)oing so7 we choose the atten)ant conseFence# G0hen we "ic? " one en)
of the stic?7 we "ic? " the other#G
.n)o(te)!%7 there ha$e (een ti*es in each of or !i$es when we ha$e
"ic?e) " what we !ater fe!t was the wrong stic?# Or choices ha$e (roght
conseFences we wo!) rather ha$e !i$e) withot# If we ha) the choice to
*a?e o$er again7 we wo!) *a?e it )ifferent!%# 0e ca!! these choices
*ista?es7 an) the% are the secon) thing that *erits or )ee"er thoght#
For those fi!!e) with regret7 "erha"s the *ost nee)f! e<ercise of "roacti$it%
is to rea!iCe that "ast *ista?es are a!so ot there in the Circ!e of Concern#
0e can@t reca!! the*7 we can@t n)o the*7 we can@t contro! the conseFences
that ca*e as a res!t#
As a co!!ege Farter(ac?7 one of *% sons !earne) to sna" his wrist(an)
(etween "!a%s as a ?in) of *enta! chec? off whene$er he or an%one *a)e a
Gsetting (ac?G *ista?e7 so the !ast *ista?e wo!)n@t affect the reso!$e an)
e<ection of the ne<t "!a%#
The "roacti$e a""roach to a *ista?e is to ac?now!e)ge it instant!%7 correct
an) !earn fro* it# This !itera!!% trns a fai!re into a sccess# GSccess7G sai)
IB- fon)er T# ># 0atson7 Gis on the far si)e of fai!re#G
Bt not to ac?now!e)ge a *ista?e7 not to correct it an) !earn fro* it7 is a
*ista?e of a )ifferent or)er# It sa!!% "ts a "erson on a se!f,)ecei$ing7 se!f,
Dstif%ing "ath7 often in$o!$ing rationa!iCation Mrationa! !iesN to se!f an) to
others# This secon) *ista?e7 this co$er,"7 e*"owers the first7 gi$ing it
)is"ro"ortionate i*"ortance7 an) cases far )ee"er inDr% to se!f#
It is not what others )o of e$en or own *ista?es that hrt s the *ostE it is
or res"onse to those things# Chasing after the "oisonos sna?e that (ites s
wi!! on!% )ri$e the "oison throgh or entire s%ste*# It is far (etter to ta?e
*easres i**e)iate!% to get the "oison ot#
Or res"onse to an% *ista?e affects the Fa!it% of the ne<t *o*ent# It is
i*"ortant to i**e)iate!% a)*it an) correct or *ista?es so that the% ha$e
no "ower o$er that ne<t *o*ent an) we are e*"owere) again
-a?ing an) 'ee"ing Co**it*ents
At the $er% heart of or Circ!e of Inf!ence is or a(i!it% to *a?e an) ?ee"
co**it*ents an) "ro*ises# The co**it*ents we *a?e
K2
to orse!$es an) to others7 an) or integrit% to those co**it*ents7 is the
essence an) c!earest *anifestation of or "roacti$it%#
It is a!so the essence of or growth# Throgh or h*an en)ow*ents of se!f,
awareness an) conscience7 we (eco*e conscios of areas of wea?ness7 areas
for i*"ro$e*ent7 areas of ta!ent that co!) (e )e$e!o"e)7 areas that nee) to
(e change) or e!i*inate) fro* or !i$es# Then7 as we recogniCe an) se or
i*agination an) in)e"en)ent wi!! to act on that awarenessA*a?ing
"ro*ises7 setting goa!s7 an) (eing tre to the*Awe (i!) the strength of
character7 the (eing7 that *a?es "ossi(!e e$er% other "ositi$e thing in or
!i$es#
It is here that we fin) two wa%s to "t orse!$es in contro! of or !i$es
i**e)iate!%# 0e can *a?e a "ro*iseAan) ?ee" it# Or we can set a goa!A
an) wor? to achie$e it# As we *a?e an) ?ee" co**it*ents7 e$en s*a!!
co**it*ents7 we (egin to esta(!ish an inner integrit% that gi$es s the
awareness of se!f,contro! an) the corage an) strength to acce"t *ore of the
res"onsi(i!it% for or own !i$es# B% *a?ing an) ?ee"ing "ro*ises to
orse!$es an) others7 !itt!e (% !itt!e7 or honor (eco*es greater than or
*oo)s#
The "ower to *a?e an) ?ee" co**it*ents to orse!$es is the essence of
)e$e!o"ing the (asic ha(its of effecti$eness# 'now!e)ge7 s?i!!7 an) )esire are
a!! within or contro!# 0e can wor? on an% one to i*"ro$e the (a!ance of
the three# As the area of intersection (eco*es !arger7 we *ore )ee"!%
interna!iCe the "rinci"!es "on which the ha(its are (ase) an) create the
strength of character to *o$e s in a (a!ance) wa% towar) increasing
effecti$eness in or !i$es#
Proacti$it%L The Thirt%,&a% Test
0e )on@t ha$e to go throgh the )eath ca*" e<"erience of Fran?! to
recogniCe an) )e$e!o" or own "roacti$it%# It is in the or)inar% e$ents of
e$er% )a% that we )e$e!o" the "roacti$e ca"acit% to han)!e the e<traor)inar%
"ressres of !ife# It@s how we *a?e an) ?ee" co**it*ents7 how we han)!e a
traffic Da*7 how we res"on) to an irate csto*er or a )iso(e)ient chi!)# It@s
how we $iew or "ro(!e*s an) where we focs or energies# It@s the
!angage we se#
I wo!) cha!!enge %o to test the "rinci"!e of "roacti$it% for thirt% )a%s#
Si*"!% tr% it an) see what ha""ens# For thirt% )a%s wor? on!% in %or Circ!e
of Inf!ence# -a?e s*a!! co**it*ents
HABIT 1 BE PROACTIVE
K3
an) ?ee" the*# Be a !ight7 not a D)ge# Be a *o)e!7 not a critic# Be "art of
the so!tion7 not "art of the "ro(!e*#
Tr% it in %or *arriage7 in %or fa*i!%7 in %or Do(# &on=t arge for other
"eo"!e@s wea?nesses# &on@t arge for %or own# 0hen %o *a?e a *ista?e7
a)*it it7 correct it7 an) !earn fro* itA i**e)iate!%# &on@t get into a
(!a*ing7 accsing *o)e# 0or? on things %o ha$e contro! o$er# 0or? on
%o# On (e#
Loo? at the wea?nesses of others with co*"assion7 not accsation# It@s not
what the%@re not )oing or sho!) (e )oing that@s the isse# The isse is %or
own chosen res"onse to the sitation an) what %o sho!) (e )oing# If %o
start to thin? the "ro(!e* is Got there7G sto" %orse!f# That thoght is the
"ro(!e*#
Peo"!e who e<ercise their e*(r%onic free)o* )a% after )a% wi!!7 !itt!e (%
!itt!e7 e<"an) that free)o*# Peo"!e who )o not wi!! fin) that it withers nti!
the% are !itera!!% G(eing !i$e)#G The% are acting ot the scri"ts written (%
"arents7 associates7 an) societ%#
0e are res"onsi(!e for or own effecti$eness7 for or own ha""iness7 an)
!ti*ate!%7 I wo!) sa%7 for *ost of or circ*stances#
Sa*e! >ohnson o(ser$e)L GThe fontain of content *st s"ring " in the
*in)7 an) he who hath so !itt!e ?now!e)ge of h*an natre as to see?
ha""iness (% changing an%thing (t his own )is"osition7 wi!! waste his !ife
in frit!ess efforts an) *!ti"!% the grief he "ro"oses to re*o$e#G
'nowing that we are res"onsi(!eAGres"onse,a(!eGAis fn)a*enta! to
effecti$eness an) to e$er% other ha(it of effecti$eness we wi!! )iscss#
A""!ication Sggestions
1# For a f!! )a%7 Si3ten to %or !angage an) to the !angage of the "eo"!e
aron) %o# How often )o %o se an) hear reacti$e "hrases sch as GIf
on!%7G GI can@t7G or GI ha$e toGB
2# I)entif% an e<"erience %o *ight enconter in the near ftre where7
(ase) on "ast e<"erience7 %o wo!) "ro(a(!% (eha$e reacti$e!%# Re$iew the
sitation in the conte<t of %or Circ!e of Inf!ence# How co!) %o res"on)
"roacti$e!%B Ta?e se$era! *o*ents an) create the e<"erience $i$i)!% in %or
*in)7 "ictring %orse!f res"on)ing in a "roacti$e *anner# Re*in) %orse!f
of the ga" (etween sti*!s an) res"onse# -a?e a co**it*ent to %orse!f
to e<ercise %or free)o* to choose#
K4
3# Se!ect a "ro(!e* fro* %or wor? or "ersona! !ife that is frstrating to
%o# &eter*ine whether it is a )irect7 in)irect7 or no contro! "ro(!e*#
I)entif% the first ste" %o can ta?e in %or Circ!e of Inf!ence to so!$e it an)
then ta?e that ste"#
4# Tr% the thirt%,)a% test of "roacti$it%# Be aware of the change in %or
Circ!e of Inf!ence#
Ha(it 2
Begin with the En) in -in)
Princi"!es of Persona! Lea)ershi"
0hat !ies (ehin) s an) what !ies (efore s
are tin% *atters
co*"are) to what !ies within s#
O!i$er 0en)e!! Ho!*es
PLEASE FIN& A PLACE TO REA& THESE NE[T FE0 PAGES where
%o can (e a!one an) ninterr"te)# C!ear %or *in) of e$er%thing e<ce"t
what %o wi!! rea) an) what I wi!! in$ite %o to )o# &on@t worr% a(ot %or
sche)!e7 %or (siness7 %or fa*i!%7 or %or frien)s# >st focs with *e an)
rea!!% o"en %or *in)#
In %or *in)@s e%e7 see %orse!f going to the fnera! of a !o$e) one# Pictre
%orse!f )ri$ing to the fnera! "ar!or or cha"e!7 "ar?ing the car7 an) getting
ot# As %o wa!? insi)e the (i!)ing7 %o notice the f!owers7 the soft organ
*sic# Yo see the faces of frien)s an) fa*i!% %o "ass a!ong the wa%# Yo
fee! the share) sorrow of !osing7 the Do% of ha$ing ?nown7 that ra)iates fro*
the hearts of the "eo"!e there#
As %o wa!? )own to the front of the roo* an) !oo? insi)e the cas?et7 %o
s))en!% co*e face to face with %orse!f# This is %or fnera!7 three %ears
fro* to)a%# A!! these "eo"!e ha$e co*e to honor %o7 to e<"ress fee!ings of
!o$e an) a""reciation for %or !ife#
As %o ta?e a seat an) wait for the ser$ices to (egin7 %o !oo? at the
"rogra* in %or han)# There are to (e for s"ea?ers# The first
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& K:
is fro* %or fa*i!%7 i**e)iate an) a!so e<ten)e)Achi!)ren7 (rothers7
sisters7 ne"hews7 nieces7 ants7 nc!es7 cosins7 an) gran)"arents who ha$e
co*e fro* a!! o$er the contr% to atten)# The secon) s"ea?er is one of %or
frien)s7 so*eone who can gi$e a sense of what %o were as a "erson# The
thir) s"ea?er is fro* %or wor? or "rofession# An) the forth is fro* %or
chrch or so*e co**nit% organiCation where %o@$e (een in$o!$e) in
ser$ice#
Now thin? )ee"!%# 0hat wo!) %o !i?e each of these s"ea?ers to sa% a(ot
%o an) %or !ifeB 0hat ?in) of hs(an)7 wife7 father7 or *other wo!) %o
!i?e their wor)s to ref!ectB 0hat ?in) of son or )aghter or cosinB 0hat
?in) of frien)B 0hat ?in) of wor?ing associateB
0hat character wo!) %o !i?e the* to ha$e seen in %oB 0hat
contri(tions7 what achie$e*ents wo!) %o want the* to re*e*(erB Loo?
caref!!% at the "eo"!e aron) %o# 0hat )ifference wo!) %o !i?e to ha$e
*a)e in their !i$esB
Before %o rea) frther7 ta?e a few *intes to Dot )own %or i*"ressions# It
wi!! great!% increase %or "ersona! n)erstan)ing of Ha(it 2#
0hat It -eans to GBegin with the En) in -in)G
If %o "artici"ate) serios!% in this $isa!iCation e<"erience7 %o toche) for
a *o*ent so*e of %or )ee"7 fn)a*enta! $a!es# Yo esta(!ishe) (rief
contact with that inner gi)ance s%ste* at the heart of %or Circ!e of
Inf!ence#
Consi)er the wor)s of >ose"h A))isonL
0hen I !oo? "on the to*(s of the great7 e$er% e*otion of en$% )ies in *eE
when I rea) the e"ita"hs of the (eatif!7 e$er% inor)inate )esire goes otE
when I *eet with the grief of "arents "on a to*(stone7 *% heart *e!ts with
co*"assionE when I see the to*( of the "arents the*se!$es7 I consi)er the
$anit% of grie$ing for those who* we *st Fic?!% fo!!owL when I see ?ings
!%ing (% those who )e"ose) the*7 when I consi)er ri$a! wits "!ace) si)e (%
si)e7 or the ho!% *en that )i$i)e) the wor!) with their contests an) )is"tes7
I ref!ect with sorrow an) astonish*ent on the !itt!e co*"etitions7 factions7
an) )e(ates of *an?in)# 0hen I rea) the se$era! )ates of the to*(s7 of so*e
that )ie) %ester)a%7 an) so*e si< hn)re) %ears ago7 I consi)er that great
&a% when we sha!! a!! of s (e Conte*"oraries7 an) *a?e or a""earance
together#
KI THE SEVEN HABFTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
A!thogh Ha(it 2 a""!ies to *an% )ifferent circ*stances an) !e$e!s of !ife7
the *ost fn)a*enta! a""!ication of G(egin with the en) in *in)G is to (egin
to)a% with the i*age7 "ictre7 or "ara)ig* of the en) of %or !ife as %or
fra*e of reference or the criterion (% which e$er%thing e!se is e<a*ine)#
Each "art of %or !ifeAto)a%@s (eha$ior7 to*orrow@s (eha$ior7 ne<t wee?@s
(eha$ior7 ne<t *onth@s (eha$iorAcan (e e<a*ine) in the conte<t of the
who!e7 of what rea!!% *atters *ost to %o# B% ?ee"ing that en) c!ear!% in
*in)7 %o can *a?e certain that whate$er %o )o on an% "artic!ar )a% )oes
not $io!ate the criteria %o ha$e )efine) as s"re*e!% i*"ortant7 an) that
each )a% of %or !ife contri(tes in a *eaningf! wa% to the $ision %o ha$e
of %or !ife as a who!e#
To (egin with the en) in *in) *eans to start with a c!ear n)erstan)ing of
%or )estination# It *eans to ?now where %o@re going so that %o (etter
n)erstan) where %o are now an) so that the ste"s %o ta?e are a!wa%s in
the right )irection#
It@s incre)i(!% eas% to get caght " in an acti$it% tra"7 in the (s%,ness of
!ife7 to wor? har)er an) har)er at c!i*(ing the !a))er of sccess on!% to
)isco$er it@s !eaning against the wrong wa!!# It is "ossi(!e to (e (s%A$er%
(s%Awithot (eing $er% effecti$e#
Peo"!e often fin) the*se!$es achie$ing $ictories that are e*"t%7 sccesses
that ha$e co*e at the e<"ense of things the% s))en!% rea!iCe were far *ore
$a!a(!e to the*# Peo"!e fro* e$er% wa!? of !ifeA)octors7 aca)e*icians7
actors7 "o!iticians7 (siness "rofessiona!s7 ath!etes7 an) "!*(ersAoften
strgg!e to achie$e a higher inco*e7 *ore recognition or a certain )egree of
"rofessiona! co*"etence7 on!% to fin) that their )ri$e to achie$e their goa!
(!in)e) the* to the things that rea!!% *attere) *ost an) now are gone#
How )ifferent or !i$es are when we rea!!% ?now what is )ee"!% i*"ortant to
s7 an)7 ?ee"ing that "ictre in *in)7 we *anage orse!$es each )a% to (e
an) to )o what rea!!% *atters *ost# If the !a))er is not !eaning against the
right wa!!7 e$er% ste" we ta?e Dst gets s to the wrong "!ace faster# 0e *a%
(e $er% (s%7 we *a% (e $er% efficient7 (t we wi!! a!so (e tr!% effecti$e
on!% when we (egin with the en) in *in)#
If %o caref!!% consi)er what %o wante) to (e sai) of %o in the fnera!
e<"erience7 %o wi!! fin) %or )efinition of sccess# It *a% (e $er% )ifferent
fro* the )efinition %o thoght %o ha) in *in)# Perha"s fa*e7
achie$e*ent7 *one%7 or so*e of the other things we stri$e for are not e$en
"art of the right wa!!#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -&ti(
KK
0hen %o (egin with the en) in *in)7 %o gain a )ifferent "ers"ecti$e# One
*an as?e) another on the )eath of a *ta! frien)7 GHow *ch )i) he
!ea$eBG His frien) res"on)e)7 GHe !eft it a!!#G
A!! Things Are Create) Twice
GBegin with the en) in *in)G is (ase) on the "rinci"!e that a!! things are
create) twice# There@s a *enta! or first creation7 an) a "h%sica! or secon)
creation to a!! things#
Ta?e the constrction of a ho*e7 for e<a*"!e# Yo create it in e$er% )etai!
(efore %o e$er ha**er the first nai! into "!ace# Yo tr% to get a $er% c!ear
sense of what ?in) of hose %o want# If %o want a fa*i!%,centere) ho*e7
%o "!an to "t a fa*i!% roo* where it wo!) (e a natra! gathering "!ace#
Yo "!an s!i)ing )oors an) a "atio for chi!)ren to "!a% otsi)e# Yo wor?
with i)eas# Yo wor? with %or *in) nti! %o get a c!ear i*age of what
%o want to (i!)#
Then %o re)ce it to (!e"rint an) )e$e!o" constrction "!ans# A!! of this is
)one (efore the earth is toche)# If not7 then in the secon) creation7 the
"h%sica! creation7 %o wi!! ha$e to *a?e e<"ensi$e changes that *a% )o(!e
the cost of %or ho*e#
The car"enter@s r!e is G*easre twice7 ct once#G Yo ha$e to *a?e sre
that the (!e"rint7 the first creation7 is rea!!% what %o want7 that %o@$e
thoght e$er%thing throgh# Then %o "t it into (ric?s an) *ortar# Each
)a% %o go to the constrction she) an) "!! ot the (!e"rint to get
*arching or)ers for the )a%# Yo (egin with the en) in *in)#
For another e<a*"!e7 !oo? at a (siness# If %o want to ha$e a sccessf!
enter"rise7 %o c!ear!% )efine what %o@re tr%ing to acco*"!ish# Yo
caref!!% thin? throgh the "ro)ct or ser$ice %o want to "ro$i)e in ter*s
of %or *ar?et target7 then %o organiCe a!! the e!e*entsAfinancia!7
research an) )e$e!o"*ent7 o"erations7 *ar?eting7 "ersonne!7 "h%sica!
faci!ities7 an) so onAto *eet that o(Decti$e# The e<tent to which %o (egin
with the en) in *in) often )eter*ines whether or not %o are a(!e to create a
sccessf! enter"rise# -ost (siness fai!res (egin in the first creation7 with
"ro(!e*s sch as n)erca"ita!iCation7 *isn)erstan)ing of the *ar?et7 or
!ac? of a (siness "!an#
The sa*e is tre with "arenting# If %o want to raise res"onsi(!e7 se!f,
)isci"!ine) chi!)ren7 %o ha$e to ?ee" that en) c!ear!% in *in)
1JJ G THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
as %o interact with %or chi!)ren on a )ai!% (asis# Yo can@t (eha$e towar)
the* in wa%s that n)er*ine their se!f,)isci"!ine or se!f,estee*#
To $ar%ing )egrees7 "eo"!e se this "rinci"!e in *an% )ifferent areas of !ife#
Before %o go on a tri"7 %o )eter*ine %or )estination an) "!an ot the (est
rote# Before %o "!ant a gar)en7 %o "!an it ot in %or *in)7 "ossi(!% on
"a"er# Yo create s"eeches on "a"er (efore %o gi$e the*7 %o en$ision the
!an)sca"ing in %or %ar) (efore %o !an)sca"e it7 %o )esign the c!othes %o
*a?e (efore %o threa) the nee)!e#
To the e<tent to which we n)erstan) the "rinci"!e of two creations an)
acce"t the res"onsi(i!it% for (oth7 we act within an) en!arge the (or)ers of
or Circ!e of Inf!ence# To the e<tent to which we )o not o"erate in har*on%
with this "rinci"!e an) ta?e charge of the first creation7 we )i*inish it#
B% &esign or &efa!t
It=s a "rinci"!e that a!! things are create) twice7 (t not a!! first creations are
(% conscios )esign# In or "ersona! !i$es7 if we )o not )e$e!o" or own
se!f,awareness an) (eco*e res"onsi(!e for first creations7 we e*"ower other
"eo"!e an) circ*stances otsi)e or Circ!e of Inf!ence to sha"e *ch of
or !i$es (% )efa!t# 0e reacti$e!% !i$e the scri"ts han)e) to s (% fa*i!%7
associates7 other "eo"!e@s agen)as7 the "ressres of circ*stanceAscri"ts
fro* or ear!ier %ears7 fro* or training7 or con)itioning#
These scri"ts co*e fro* "eo"!e7 not "rinci"!es# An) the% rise ot of or
)ee" $!nera(i!ities7 or )ee" )e"en)enc% on others an) or nee)s for
acce"tance an) !o$e7 for (e!onging7 for a sense of i*"ortance an) worth7 for
a fee!ing that we *atter#
0hether we are aware of it or not7 whether we are in contro! of it or not7
there is a first creation to e$er% "art of or !i$es# 0e are either the secon)
creation of or own "roacti$e )esign7 or we are the secon) creation of other
"eo"!e@s agen)as7 of circ*stances7 or of "ast ha(its#
The niFe h*an ca"acities of se!f,awareness7 i*agination7 an) conscience
ena(!e s to e<a*ine first creations an) *a?e it "ossi(!e for s to ta?e
charge of or own first creation7 to write or own scri"t# Pt another wa%7
Ha(it 1 sa%s7 GYo are the creator#G Ha(it 2 is the first creation#
1J1
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
Lea)ershi" an) -anage*entAThe Two Creations
Ha(it 2 is (ase) on "rinci"!es of "ersona! !ea)ershi"7 which *eans that
!ea)ershi" is the first creation# Lea)ershi" is not *anage*ent# -anage*ent
is the secon) creation7 which we@!! )iscss in the cha"ter on Ha(it 3# Bt
!ea)ershi" has to co*e first#
-anage*ent is a (otto* !ine focsL How can I (est acco*"!ish certain
thingsB Lea)ershi" )ea!s with the to" !ineL 0hat are the things I want to
acco*"!ishB In the wor)s of (oth Peter &rc?er an) 0arren Bennis7
G-anage*ent is )oing things rightE !ea)ershi" is )oing the right things#G
-anage*ent is efficienc% in c!i*(ing the !a))er of sccessE !ea)ershi"
)eter*ines whether the !a))er is !eaning against the right wa!!#
Yo can Fic?!% gras" the i*"ortant )ifference (etween the two if %o
en$ision a gro" of "ro)cers ctting their wa% throgh the Dng!e with
*achetes# The%@re the "ro)cers7 the "ro(!e* so!$ers# The%@re ctting
throgh the n)ergrowth7 c!earing it ot#
The *anagers are (ehin) the*7 shar"ening their *achetes7 writing "o!ic%
an) "roce)re *ana!s7 ho!)ing *sc!e )e$e!o"*ent "rogra*s7 (ringing in
i*"ro$e) techno!ogies an) setting " wor?ing sche)!es an) co*"ensation
"rogra*s for *achete wie!)ers#
The !ea)er is the one who c!i*(s the ta!!est tree7 sr$e%s the entire sitation7
an) %e!!s7 G0rong Dng!eHG
Bt how )o the (s%7 efficient "ro)cers an) *anagers often res"on)B GSht
"H 0e@re *a?ing "rogress#G
As in)i$i)a!s7 gro"s7 an) (sinesses7 we@re often so (s% ctting throgh
the n)ergrowth we )on@t e$en rea!iCe we@re in the wrong Dng!e# An) the
ra"i)!% changing en$iron*ent in which we !i$e *a?es effecti$e !ea)ershi"
*ore critica! than it has e$er (eenAin e$er% as"ect of in)e"en)ent an)
inter)e"en)ent !ife#
0e are *ore in nee) of a $ision or )estination an) a co*"ass Ma set of
"rinci"!es or )irectionsN an) !ess in nee) of a roa) *a"# 0e often )on@t ?now
what the terrain ahea) wi!! (e !i?e or what we wi!! nee) to go throgh itE
*ch wi!! )e"en) on or D)g*ent at the ti*e# Bt an inner co*"ass wi!!
a!wa%s gi$e s )irection#
Effecti$enessAoften e$en sr$i$a!A)oes not )e"en) so!e!% on how *ch
effort we e<"en)7 (t on whether or not the effort we e<"en) is in the right
Dng!e# An) the *eta*or"hosis ta?ing "!ace in *ost e$er% in)str% an)
"rofession )e*an)s !ea)ershi" first an) *anage*ent secon)#
1J2
In (siness7 the *ar?et is changing so ra"i)!% that *an% "ro)cts an)
ser$ices that sccessf!!% *et cons*er tastes an) nee)s a few %ears ago are
o(so!ete to)a%# Proacti$e "owerf! !ea)ershi" *st constant!% *onitor
en$iron*enta! change7 "artic!ar!% csto*er (%ing ha(its an) *oti$es7 an)
"ro$i)e the force necessar% to organiCe resorces in the right )irection#
Sch changes as )ereg!ation of the air!ine in)str%7 s?%roc?eting costs of
hea!th care7 an) the greater Fa!it% an) Fantit% of i*"orte) cars i*"act the
en$iron*ent in significant wa%s# If in)stries )o not *onitor the
en$iron*ent7 inc!)ing their own wor? tea*s7 an) e<ercise the creati$e
!ea)ershi" to ?ee" hea)e) in the right )irection7 no a*ont of *anage*ent
e<"ertise can ?ee" the* fro* fai!ing#
Efficient *anage*ent withot effecti$e !ea)ershi" is7 as one in)i$i)a! has
"hrase) it7 G!i?e straightening )ec? chairs on the Titanic#G No *anage*ent
sccess can co*"ensate for fai!re in !ea)ershi"# Bt !ea)ershi" is har)
(ecase we@re often caght in a *anage*ent "ara)ig*#
At the fina! session of a %ear,!ong e<ecti$e )e$e!o"*ent "rogra* in
Seatt!e7 the "resi)ent of an oi! co*"an% ca*e " to *e an) sai)7 GSte"hen7
when %o "ointe) ot the )ifference (etween !ea)ershi" an) *anage*ent in
the secon) *onth7 I !oo?e) at *% ro!e as the "resi)ent of this co*"an% an)
rea!iCe) that I ha) ne$er (een into !ea)ershi"# I was )ee" into *anage*ent7
(rie) (% "ressing cha!!enges an) the )etai!s of )a%,to,)a% !ogistics# So I
)eci)e) to with)raw fro* *anage*ent# I co!) get other "eo"!e to )o that# I
wante) to rea!!% !ea) *% organiCation#
GIt was har)# I went throgh with)rawa! "ains (ecase I sto""e) )ea!ing
with a !ot of the "ressing7 rgent *atters that were right in front of *e an)
which ga$e *e a sense of i**e)iate acco*"!ish*ent# I )i)n@t recei$e *ch
satisfaction as I starte) wrest!ing with the )irection isses7 the c!tre
(i!)ing isses7 the )ee" ana!%sis of "ro(!e*s7 the seiCing of new
o""ortnities# Others a!so went throgh with)rawa! "ains fro* their wor?ing
st%!e co*fort Cones# The% *isse) the eas% accessi(i!it% I ha) gi$en the*
(efore# The% sti!! wante) *e to (e a$ai!a(!e to the*7 to res"on)7 to he!"
so!$e their "ro(!e*s on a )a%,to,)a% (asis#
GBt I "ersiste)# I was a(so!te!% con$ince) that I nee)e) to "ro$i)e
!ea)ershi"# An) I )i)# To)a% or who!e (siness is )ifferent# 0e@re *ore in
!ine with or en$iron*ent# 0e ha$e
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 1J3
)o(!e) or re$enes an) Fa)r"!e) or "rofits# I@* into !ea)ershi"#G
I@* con$ince) that too often "arents are a!so tra""e) in the *anage*ent
"ara)ig*7 thin?ing of contro!7 efficienc%7 an) r!es instea) of )irection7
"r"ose7 an) fa*i!% fee!ing#
An) !ea)ershi" is e$en *ore !ac?ing in or "ersona! !i$es# 0e@re into
*anaging with efficienc%7 setting an) achie$ing goa!s (efore we ha$e e$en
c!arifie) or $a!es#
Rescri"tingL Beco*ing Yor Own First Creator
As we "re$ios!% o(ser$e)7 "roacti$it% is (ase) on the niFe h*an
en)ow*ent of se!f,awareness# The two a))itiona! niFe h*an
en)ow*ents that ena(!e s to e<"an) or "roacti$it% an) to e<ercise
"ersona! !ea)ershi" in or !i$es are i*agination an) conscience#
Throgh i*agination7 we can $isa!iCe the ncreate) wor!)s of "otentia! that
!ie within s# Throgh conscience7 we can co*e in contact with ni$ersa!
!aws or "rinci"!es with or own sing!ar ta!ents an) a$enes of contri(tion7
an) with the "ersona! gi)e!ines within which we can *ost effecti$e!%
)e$e!o" the*# Co*(ine) with se!f,awareness7 these two en)ow*ents
e*"ower s to write or own scri"t#
Becase we a!rea)% !i$e with *an% scri"ts that ha$e (een han)e) to s7 the
"rocess of writing or own scri"t is acta!!% *ore a "rocess of Grescri"ting7G
or "ara)ig* shiftingAof changing so*e of the (asic "ara)ig*s that we
a!rea)% ha$e# As we recogniCe the ineffecti$e scri"ts7 the incorrect or
inco*"!ete "ara)ig*s within s7 we can "roacti$e!% (egin to rescri"t
orse!$es#
I thin? one of the *ost ins"iring acconts of the rescri"ting "rocess co*es
fro* the ato(iogra"h% of Anwar Sa)at7 "ast "resi)ent of Eg%"t# Sa)at ha)
(een reare)7 nrtre)7 an) )ee"!% scri"te) in a hatre) for Israe!# He wo!)
*a?e the state*ent on nationa! te!e$ision7 GI wi!! ne$er sha?e the han) of an
Israe!i as !ong as the% occ"% one inch of Ara( soi!# Ne$er7 ne$er7 ne$erHG
An) hge crow)s a!! aron) the contr% wo!) chant7 GNe$er7 ne$er7 ne$erHG
He *arsha!!e) the energ% an) nifie) the wi!! of the who!e contr% in that
scri"t#
The scri"t was $er% in)e"en)ent an) nationa!istic7 an) it
1J4
arose) )ee" e*otions in the "eo"!e# Bt it was a!so $er% foo!ish7 an) Sa)at
?new it# It ignore) the "eri!os7 high!% inter)e"en)ent rea!it% of the
sitation#
So he rescri"te) hi*se!f# It was a "rocess he ha) !earne) when he was a
%ong *an i*"risone) in Ce!! 647 a so!itar% ce!! in Cairo Centra! Prison7 as a
res!t of his in$o!$e*ent in a cons"irac% "!ot against 'ing Faro?# He
!earne) to with)raw fro* his own *in) an) !oo? at it to see if the scri"ts
were a""ro"riate an) wise# He !earne) how to $acate his own *in) an)7
throgh a )ee" "ersona! "rocess of *e)itation7 to wor? with his own
scri"tres7 his own for* of "ra%er7 an) rescri"t hi*se!f#
He recor)s that he was a!*ost !oathe to !ea$e his "rison ce!! (ecase it was
there that he rea!iCe) that rea! sccess is sccess with se!f# It@s not in ha$ing
things7 (t in ha$ing *aster%7 ha$ing $ictor% o$er se!f#
For a "erio) of ti*e )ring Nasser@s a)*inistration Sa)at was re!egate) to a
"osition of re!ati$e insignificance# E$er%one fe!t that his s"irit was (ro?en7
(t it wasn@t# The% were "roDecting their own ho*e *o$ies onto hi*# The%
)i)n@t n)erstan) hi*# He was (i)ing his ti*e#
An) when that ti*e ca*e7 when he (eca*e "resi)ent of Eg%"t an)
confronte) the "o!itica! rea!ities7 he rescri"te) hi*se!f towar) Israe!# He
$isite) the 'nesset in >ersa!e* an) o"ene) " one of the *ost "rece)ent,
(rea?ing "eace *o$e*ents in the histor% of the wor!)7 a (o!) initiati$e that
e$enta!!% (roght a(ot the Ca*" &a$i) Accor)#
Sa)at was a(!e to se his se!f,awareness7 his i*agination an) his conscience
to e<ercise "ersona! !ea)ershi"7 to change an essentia! "ara)ig*7 to change
the wa% he saw the sitation# He wor?e) in the center of his Circ!e of
Inf!ence# An) fro* that rescri"ting7 that change in "ara)ig*7 f!owe)
changes in (eha$ior an) attit)e that affecte) *i!!ions of !i$es in the wi)er
Circ!e of Concern#
In )e$e!o"ing or own se!f,awareness *an% of s )isco$er ineffecti$e
scri"ts7 )ee"!% e*(e))e) ha(its that are tota!!% nworth% of s7 tota!!%
incongrent with the things we rea!!% $a!e in !ife# Ha(it 2 sa%s we )on@t
ha$e to !i$e with those scri"ts# 0e are res"onse,a(!e to se or i*agination
an) creati$it% to write new ones that are *ore effecti$e7 *ore congrent
with or )ee"est $a!es an) with the correct "rinci"!es that gi$e or $a!es
*eaning#
S""ose7 for e<a*"!e7 that I a* high!% o$erreacti$e to *%
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
1J6
chi!)ren# S""ose that whene$er the% (egin to )o so*ething I fee! is
ina""ro"riate7 I sense an i**e)iate tensing in the "it of *% sto*ach# I fee!
)efensi$e wa!!s go "E I "re"are for (att!e# -% focs is not on the !ong,ter*
growth an) n)erstan)ing (t on the short,ter* (eha$ior# I@* tr%ing to win
the (att!e7 not the war#
I "!! ot *% a**nitionA*% s"erior siCe7 *% "osition of athorit%Aan)
I %e!! or inti*i)ate or I threaten or "nish# An) I win# I stan) there7
$ictorios7 in the *i))!e of the )e(ris of a shattere) re!ationshi" whi!e *%
chi!)ren are otwar)!% s(*issi$e an) inwar)!% re(e!!ios7 s""ressing
fee!ings that wi!! co*e ot !ater in g!ier wa%s#
Now if I were sitting at that fnera! we $isa!iCe) ear!ier7 an) one of *%
chi!)ren was a(ot to s"ea?7 I wo!) want his !ife to re"resent the $ictor% of
teaching7 training7 an) )isci"!ining with !o$e o$er a "erio) of %ears rather
than the (att!e scars of Fic? fi< s?ir*ishes# I wo!) want his heart an) *in)
to (e fi!!e) with the "!easant *e*ories of )ee"7 *eaningf! ti*es together# I
wo!) want hi* to re*e*(er *e as a !o$ing father who share) the fn an)
the "ain of growing "# I wo!) want hi* to re*e*(er the ti*es he ca*e to
*e with his "ro(!e*s an) concerns# I wo!) want to ha$e !istene) an) !o$e)
an) he!"e)# I wo!) want hi* to ?now I wasn@t "erfect7 (t that I ha) trie)
with e$er%thing I ha)# An) that7 "erha"s *ore than an%(o)% in the wor!)7 I
!o$e) hi*#
The reason I wo!) want those things is (ecase7 )ee" )own7 I $a!e *%
chi!)ren# I !o$e the*7 I want to he!" the*# I $a!e *% ro!e as their father#
Bt I )on@t a!wa%s see those $a!es# I get caght " in the Gthic? of thin
things#G 0hat *atters *ost gets (rie) n)er !a%ers of "ressing "ro(!e*s7
i**e)iate concerns7 an) otwar) (eha$iors# I (eco*e reacti$e# An) the wa%
I interact with *% chi!)ren e$er% )a% often (ears !itt!e rese*(!ance to the
wa% I )ee"!% fee! a(ot the*#
Becase I a* se!f,aware7 (ecase I ha$e i*agination an) conscience7 I can
e<a*ine *% )ee"est $a!es# I can rea!iCe that the scri"t I@* !i$ing is not in
har*on% with those $a!es7 that *% !ife is not the "ro)ct of *% own
"roacti$e )esign7 (t the res!t of the first creation I ha$e )eferre) to
circ*stances an) other "eo"!e# An) I can change# I can !i$e ot of *%
i*agination instea) of *% *e*or%# I can tie *%se!f to *% !i*it!ess "otentia!
instea) of *% !i*iting "ast# I can (eco*e *% own first creator#
To (egin with the en) in *in) *eans to a""roach *% ro!e as a
1J8
"arent7 as we!! as *% other ro!es in !ife7 with *% $a!es an) )irections c!ear#
It *eans to (e res"onsi(!e for *% own first creation7 to rescri"t *%se!f so
that the "ara)ig*s fro* which *% (eha$ior an) attit)e f!ow are congrent
with *% )ee"est $a!es an) in har*on% with correct "rinci"!es#
It a!so *eans to (egin each )a% with those $a!es fir*!% in *in)# Then as
the $icissit)es7 as the cha!!enges co*e7 I can *a?e *% )ecisions (ase) on
those $a!es# I can act with integrit%# I )on@t ha$e to react to the e*otion7 the
circ*stance# I can (e tr!% "roacti$e7 $a!e )ri$en7 (ecase *% $a!es are
c!ear#
A Persona! -ission State*ent
The *ost effecti$e wa% I ?now to (egin with the en) in *in) is to )e$e!o" a
"ersona! *ission state*ent or "hi!oso"h% or cree)# It focses on what %o
want to (e McharacterN an) to )o Mcontri(tions an) achie$e*entsN an) on the
$a!es or "rinci"!es "on which (eing an) )oing are (ase)#
Becase each in)i$i)a! is niFe7 a "ersona! *ission state*ent wi!! ref!ect
that niFeness7 (oth in content an) for*# -% frien)7 Ro!fe 'err7 has
e<"resse) his "ersona! cree) in this wa%L
Sccee) at ho*e first#
See? an) *erit )i$ine he!"#
Ne$er co*"ro*ise with honest%#
Re*e*(er the "eo"!e in$o!$e)#
Hear (oth si)es (efore D)ging#
O(tain conse! of others#
&efen) those who are a(sent#
Be sincere %et )ecisi$e#
&e$e!o" one new "roficienc% a %ear#
P!an to*orrow@s wor? to)a%#
Hst!e whi!e %o wait#
-aintain a "ositi$e attit)e#
'ee" a sense of h*or#
Be or)er!% in "erson an) in wor?#
&o not fear *ista?esAfear on!% the a(sence of creati$e7 constrcti$e7
an) correcti$e res"onses to those *ista?es# Faci!itate the sccess of
s(or)inates# Listen twice as *ch as %o s"ea?#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 1J:
Concentrate a!! a(i!ities an) efforts on the tas? at han)7 not worr%ing a(ot
the ne<t Do( or "ro*otion#
A wo*an see?ing to (a!ance fa*i!% an) wor? $a!es has e<"resse) her
sense of "ersona! *ission )ifferent!%L
I wi!! see? to (a!ance career an) fa*i!% as (est I can since (oth are i*"ortant
to *e#
-% ho*e wi!! (e a "!ace where I an) *% fa*i!%7 frien)s7 an) gests fin)
Do%7 co*fort7 "eace7 an) ha""iness# Sti!! I wi!! see? to create a c!ean an)
or)er!% en$iron*ent7 %et !i$a(!e an) co*forta(!e# I wi!! e<ercise wis)o* in
what we choose to eat7 rea)7 see7 an) )o at ho*e# I es"ecia!!% want to teach
*% chi!)ren to !o$e7 to !earn7 an) to !aghAan) to wor? an) )e$e!o" their
niFe ta!ents#
I $a!e the rights7 free)o*s7 an) res"onsi(i!ities of or )e*ocratic societ%# I
wi!! (e a concerne) an) infor*e) citiCen7 in$o!$e) in the "o!itica! "rocess to
ensre *% $oice is hear) an) *% $ote is conte)#
I wi!! (e a se!f,starting in)i$i)a! who e<ercises initiati$e in acco*"!ishing
*% !ife@s goa!s# I wi!! act on sitations an) o""ortnities7 rather than to (e
acte) "on#
I wi!! a!wa%s tr% to ?ee" *%se!f free fro* a))icti$e an) )estrcti$e ha(its# I
wi!! )e$e!o" ha(its that free *e fro* o!) !a(e!s an) !i*its an) e<"an) *%
ca"a(i!ities an) choices#
-% *one% wi!! (e *% ser$ant7 not *% *aster# I wi!! see? financia!
in)e"en)ence o$er ti*e# -% wants wi!! (e s(Dect to *% nee)s an) *%
*eans# E<ce"t for !ong,ter* ho*e an) car !oans7 I wi!! see? to ?ee" *%se!f
free fro* cons*er )e(t# I wi!! s"en) !ess than I earn an) reg!ar!% sa$e or
in$est "art of *% inco*e#
-oreo$er7 I wi!! se what *one% an) ta!ents I ha$e to *a?e !ife *ore
enDo%a(!e for others throgh ser$ice an) charita(!e gi$ing#
Yo co!) ca!! a "ersona! *ission state*ent a "ersona! constittion# Li?e the
.nite) States Constittion7 it@s fn)a*enta!!% change!ess# In o$er two
hn)re) %ears7 there ha$e (een on!% twent%,si< a*en)*ents7 ten of which
were in the origina! Bi!! of Rights#
The .nite) States Constittion is the stan)ar) (% which e$er% !aw in the
contr% is e$a!ate)# It is the )oc*ent the "resi)ent agrees to )efen) an)
s""ort when he ta?es the Oath of A!!egiance# It is the criterion (% which
"eo"!e are a)*itte) into citiCenshi"# It is the fon)ation an) the center that
ena(!es "eo"!e to ri)e throgh sch *aDor tra*as as the Ci$i! 0ar7
Vietna*7 or
1JI
0atergate# It is the written stan)ar)7 the ?e% criterion (% which e$er%thing
e!se is e$a!ate) an) )irecte)#
The Constittion has en)re) an) ser$es its $ita! fnction to)a% (ecase it is
(ase) on correct "rinci"!es7 on the se!f,e$i)ent trths containe) in the
&ec!aration of In)e"en)ence# These "rinci"!es e*"ower the Constittion
with a ti*e!ess strength7 e$en in the *i)st of socia! a*(igit% an) change#
GOr "ec!iar secrit%7G sai) Tho*as >efferson7 Gis in the "ossession of a
written Constittion#G
A "ersona! *ission state*ent (ase) on correct "rinci"!es (eco*es the sa*e
?in) of stan)ar) for an in)i$i)a!# It (eco*es a "ersona! constittion7 the
(asis for *a?ing *aDor7 !ife,)irecting )ecisions7 the (asis for *a?ing )ai!%
)ecisions in the *i)st of the circ*stances an) e*otions that affect or
!i$es# It e*"owers in)i$i)a!s with the sa*e ti*e!ess strength in the *i)st
of change#
Peo"!e can@t !i$e with change if there@s not a change!ess core insi)e the*#
The ?e% to the a(i!it% to change is a change!ess sense of who %o are7 what
%o are a(ot an) what %o $a!e#
0ith a *ission state*ent7 we can f!ow with changes# 0e )on@t nee)
"reD)g*ents or "reD)ices# 0e )on@t nee) to figre ot e$er%thing e!se in
!ife7 to stereot%"e an) categoriCe e$er%thing an) e$er%(o)% in or)er to
acco**o)ate rea!it%#
Or "ersona! en$iron*ent is a!so changing at an e$er,increasing "ace# Sch
ra"i) change (rns ot a !arge n*(er of "eo"!e who fee! the% can har)!%
han)!e it7 can har)!% co"e with !ife# The% (eco*e reacti$e an) essentia!!%
gi$e "7 ho"ing that the things that ha""en to the* wi!! (e goo)#
Bt it )oesn@t ha$e to (e that wa%# In the NaCi )eath ca*"s where Vi?tor
Fran?! !earne) the "rinci"!e of "roacti$it%7 he a!so !earne) the i*"ortance of
"r"ose7 of *eaning in !ife# The essence of G!ogothera"%7G the "hi!oso"h% he
!ater )e$e!o"e) an) taght7 is that *an% so,ca!!e) *enta! an) e*otiona!
i!!nesses are rea!!% s%*"to*s of an n)er!%ing sense of *eaning!essness or
e*"tiness# Logothera"% e!i*inates that e*"tiness (% he!"ing the in)i$i)a!
to )etect his niFe *eaning7 his *ission in !ife#
Once %o ha$e that sense of *ission7 %o ha$e the essence of %or own
"roacti$it%# Yo ha$e the $ision an) the $a!es which )irect %or !ife# Yo
ha$e the (asic )irection fro* which %o set %or !ong, an) short,ter* goa!s#
Yo ha$e the "ower of a written constittion (ase) on correct "rinci"!es7
against which e$er%
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
1JK
)ecision concerning the *ost effecti$e se of %or ti*e7 %or ta!ents7 an)
%or energies can (e effecti$e!% *easre)#
At the Center
In or)er to write a "ersona! *ission state*ent7 we *st (egin at the $er%
center of or Circ!e of Inf!ence7 that center co*"rise) of or *ost (asic
"ara)ig*s7 the !ens throgh which we see the wor!)#
It is here that we )ea! with or $ision an) or $a!es# It is here that we se
or en)ow*ent of se!f,awareness to e<a*ine or *a"s an)7 if we $a!e
correct "rinci"!es7 to *a?e certain that or *a"s accrate!% )escri(e the
territor%7 that or "ara)ig*s are (ase) on "rinci"!es an) rea!it%# It is here
that we se or en)ow*ent of conscience as a co*"ass to he!" s )etect or
own niFe ta!ents an) areas of contri(tion# It is here that we se or
en)ow*ent of i*agination to *enta!!% create the en) we )esire7 gi$ing
)irection an) "r"ose to or (eginnings an) "ro$i)ing the s(stance of a
written "ersona! constittion#
It is a!so here that or focse) efforts achie$e the greatest res!ts# As we
wor? within the $er% center of or Circ!e of Inf!ence7 we e<"an) it# This is
highest !e$erage PC wor?7 significant!% i*"acting the effecti$eness of e$er%
as"ect of or !i$es#
0hate$er is at the center of or !ife wi!! (e the sorce of or secrit%7
gi)ance7 wis)o*7 an) "ower#
Secrit% re"resents %or sense of worth7 %or i)entit%7 %or e*otiona!
anchorage7 %or se!f,estee*7 %or (asic "ersona! strength or !ac? of it#
Gi)ance *eans %or sorce of )irection in !ife# Enco*"asse) (% %or *a"7
%or interna! fra*e of reference that inter"rets for %o what is ha""ening ot
there7 are stan)ar)s or "rinci"!es or i*"!icit criteria that go$ern *o*ent (%
*o*ent )ecision,*a?ing an) )oing#
0is)o* is %or "ers"ecti$e on !ife7 %or sense of (a!ance7 %or
n)erstan)ing of how the $arios "arts an) "rinci"!es a""!% an) re!ate to
each other# It e*(races D)g*ent7 )iscern*ent7 co*"rehension# It is a
gesta!t or oneness7 an integrate) who!eness#
Power is the fac!t% or ca"acit% to act7 the strength an) "otenc% to
acco*"!ish so*ething# It is the $ita! energ% to *a?e choices an) )ecisions#
It a!so inc!)es the ca"acit% to,o$erco*e )ee"!% e*(e))e) ha(its an) to
c!ti$ate higher7 *ore effecti$e ones#
11J
These for factorsAsecrit%7 gi)ance7 wis)o*7 an) "owerA are
inter)e"en)ent# Secrit% an) c!ear gi)ance (ring tre wis)o*7 an) wis)o*
(eco*es the s"ar? or cata!%st to re!ease an) )irect "ower# 0hen these for
factors are "resent together7 har*oniCe) an) en!i$ene) (% each other7 the%
create the great force of a no(!e "ersona!it%7 a (a!ance) character7 a
(eatif!!% integrate) in)i$i)a!#
These !ife,s""ort factors a!so n)ergir) e$er% other )i*ension of !ife# An)
none of the* is an a!!,or,nothing *atter# The )egree to which %o ha$e
)e$e!o"e) each one co!) (e charte) so*ewhere on a contin*7 *ch !i?e
the *atrit% contin* )escri(e) ear!ier# At the (otto* en)7 the for factors
are wea?# Yo are (asica!!% )e"en)ent on circ*stances or other "eo"!e7
things o$er
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 111
which %o ha$e no )irect contro!# At the to" en) %o are in contro!# Yo
ha$e in)e"en)ent strength an) the fon)ation for rich7 inter)e"en)ent
re!ationshi"s#
Yor secrit% !ies so*ewhere on the contin* (etween e<tre*e insecrit%
on one en)7 wherein %or !ife is (ffete) (% a!! the fic?!e forces that "!a%
"on it7 an) a )ee" sense of high intrinsic worth an) "ersona! secrit% on the
other en)# Yor gi)ance ranges on the contin* fro* )e"en)ence on the
socia! *irror or other nsta(!e7 f!ctating sorces to strong inner )irection#
Yor wis)o* fa!!s so*ewhere (etween a tota!!% inaccrate *a" where
e$er%thing is )istorte) an) nothing see*s to fit7 an) a co*"!ete an) accrate
*a" of !ife wherein a!! the "arts an) "rinci"!es are "ro"er!% re!ate) to each
other# Yor "ower !ies so*ewhere (etween i**o(i!iCation or (eing a
"""et "!!e) (% so*eone e!se@s strings to high "roacti$it%7 the "ower to act
accor)ing to %or own $a!es instea) of (eing acte) "on (% other "eo"!e
an) circ*stances#
The !ocation of these factors on the contin*7 the res!ting )egree of their
integration7 har*on%7 an) (a!ance7 an) their "ositi$e i*"act on e$er% as"ect
of %or !ife is a fnction of %or center7 the (asic "ara)ig*s at %or $er%
core#
A!ternati$e Centers
Each of s has a center7 thogh we sa!!% )on@t recogniCe it as sch# Neither
)o we recogniCe the a!!,enco*"assing effects of that center on e$er% as"ect
of or !i$es#
Let=s (rief!% e<a*ine se$era! centers or core "ara)ig*s "eo"!e t%"ica!!%
ha$e for a (etter n)erstan)ing of how the% affect these for fn)a*enta!
)i*ensions an)7 !ti*ate!%7 the s* of !ife that f!ows fro* the*#
S"ose Centere)ness# -arriage can (e the *ost inti*ate7 the *ost
satisf%ing7 the *ost en)ring7 growth,"ro)cing of h*an re!ationshi"s# It
*ight see* natra! an) "ro"er to (e centere) on one@s hs(an) or wife#
Bt e<"erience an) o(ser$ation te!! a )ifferent stor%# O$er the %ears7 I ha$e
(een in$o!$e) in wor?ing with *an% tro(!e) *arriages7 an) I ha$e
o(ser$e) a certain threa) wea$ing itse!f throgh a!*ost e$er% s"ose,
centere) re!ationshi" I ha$e encontere)# That threa) is strong e*otiona!
)e"en)ence#
If or sense of e*otiona! worth co*es "ri*ari!% fro* or
112
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOTLE
*arriage7 then we (eco*e high!% )e"en)ent "on that re!ationshi"# 0e
(eco*e $!nera(!e to the *oo)s an) fee!ings7 the (eha$ior an) treat*ent of
or s"ose7 or to an% e<terna! e$ent that *a% i*"inge on the re!ationshi"Aa
new chi!)7 in,!aws7 econo*ic set(ac?s7 socia! sccesses7 an) so forth#
0hen res"onsi(i!ities increase an) stresses co*e in the *arriage7 we ten) to
re$ert to the scri"ts we were gi$en as we were growing "# Bt so )oes or
s"ose# An) those scri"ts are sa!!% )ifferent# &ifferent wa%s of han)!ing
financia!7 chi!) )isci"!ine7 or in,!aw isses co*e to the srface# 0hen these
)ee",seate) ten)encies co*(ine with the e*otiona! )e"en)enc% in the
*arriage7 the s"ose,centere) re!ationshi" re$ea!s a!! its $!nera(i!it%#
0hen we are )e"en)ent on the "erson with who* we are in conf!ict7 (oth
nee) an) conf!ict are co*"on)e)# Lo$e,hate o$er,reactions7 fight,or,f!ight
ten)encies7 with)rawa!7 aggressi$eness7 (itterness7 resent*ent7 an) co!)
co*"etition are so*e of the sa! res!ts# 0hen these occr7 we ten) to fa!!
e$en frther (ac? on (ac?gron) ten)encies an) ha(its in an effort to Dstif%
an) )efen) or own (eha$ior an) we attac? or s"ose@s#
Ine$ita(!%7 an%ti*e we are too $!nera(!e we fee! the nee) to "rotect
orse!$es fro* frther won)s# So we resort to sarcas*7 ctting h*or7
criticis*Aan%thing that wi!! ?ee" fro* e<"osing the ten)erness within#
Each "artner ten)s to wait on the initiati$e of the other for !o$e7 on!% to (e
)isa""ointe) (t a!so confir*e) as to the rightness of the accsations *a)e#
There is on!% "hanto* secrit% in sch a re!ationshi" when a!! a""ears to (e
going we!!# Gi)ance is (ase) on the e*otion of the *o*ent# 0is)o* an)
"ower are !ost in the conter)e"en)ent negati$e interactions#
Fa*i!% Centere)ness# Another co**on center is the fa*i!%# This7 too7 *a%
see* to (e natra! an) "ro"er# As an area of focs an) )ee" in$est*ent7 it
"ro$i)es great o""ortnities for )ee" re!ationshi"s7 for !o$ing7 for sharing7
for *ch that *a?es !ife worthwhi!e# Bt as a center7 it ironica!!% )estro%s
the $er% e!e*ents necessar% to fa*i!% sccess#
Peo"!e who are fa*i!%,centere) get their sense of secrit% or "ersona! worth
fro* the fa*i!% tra)ition an) c!tre or the fa*i!% re"tation# Ths7 the%
(eco*e $!nera(!e to an% changes in that tra)ition or c!tre an) to an%
inf!ences that wo!) affect that re"tation#
Fa*i!%,centere) "arents )o not ha$e the e*otiona! free)o*7 the
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
113
"ower7 to raise their chi!)ren with their !ti*ate we!fare tr!% in *in)# If
the% )eri$e their own secrit% fro* the fa*i!%7 their nee) to (e "o"!ar with
their chi!)ren *a% o$erri)e the i*"ortance of a !ong,ter* in$est*ent in their
chi!)ren@s growth an) )e$e!o"*ent# Or the% *a% (e focse) on the "ro"er
an) correct (eha$ior of the *o*ent# An% (eha$ior that the% consi)er
i*"ro"er threatens their secrit%# The% (eco*e "set7 gi)e) (% the
e*otions of the *o*ent7 s"ontaneos!% reacting to the i**e)iate concern
rather than the !ong,ter* growth an) )e$e!o"*ent of the chi!)# The% *a%
%e!! or screa*# The% *a% o$erreact an) "nish ot of (a) te*"er# The% ten)
to !o$e their chi!)ren con)itiona!!%7 *a?ing the* e*otiona!!% )e"en)ent or
conter)e"en)ent an) re(e!!ios#
-one% Centere)ness# Another !ogica! an) e<tre*e!% co**on center to
"eo"!e@s !i$es is *a?ing *one%# Econo*ic secrit% is (asic to one@s
o""ortnit% to )o *ch in an% other )i*ension# In a hierarch% or contin*
of nee)s7 "h%sica! sr$i$a! an) financia! secrit% co*es first# Other nee)s
are not e$en acti$ate) nti! that (asic nee) is satisfie)7 at !east *ini*a!!%#
-ost of s face econo*ic worries# -an% forces in the wi)er c!tre can an)
)o act "on or econo*ic sitation7 casing or threatening sch )isr"tion
that we often e<"erience concern an) worr% that *a% not a!wa%s rise to the
conscios srface#
So*eti*es there are a""arent!% no(!e reasons gi$en for *a?ing *one%7 sch
as the )esire to ta?e care of one@s fa*i!%# An) these things are i*"ortant# Bt
to focs on *one%,*a?ing as a center wi!! (ring a(ot its own n)oing#
Consi)er again the for !ife,s""ort factorsAsecrit%7 gi)ance7 wis)o*7
an) "ower# S""ose I )eri$e *ch of *% secrit% fro* *% e*"!o%*ent or
fro* *% inco*e or net worth# Since *an% factors affect these econo*ic
fon)ations7 I (eco*e an<ios an) neas%7 "rotecti$e an) )efensi$e7 a(ot
an%thing that *a% affect the*# 0hen *% sense of "ersona! worth co*es
fro* *% net worth7 I a* $!nera(!e to an%thing that wi!! affect that net
worth# Bt wor? an) *one%7 "er se7 "ro$i)e no wis)o*7 no gi)ance7 an)
on!% a !i*ite) )egree of "ower an) secrit%# A!! it ta?es to show the
!i*itations of a *one% center is a crisis in *% !ife or in the !ife of a !o$e)
one#
-one%,centere) "eo"!e often "t asi)e fa*i!% or other "riorities7 ass*ing
e$er%one wi!! n)erstan) that econo*ic )e*an)s co*e first# I ?now one
father who was !ea$ing with his chi!)ren for a "ro*ise) tri" to the circs
when a "hone ca!! ca*e for hi* to co*e
114
to wor? instea)# He )ec!ine)# 0hen his wife sggeste) that "erha"s he
sho!) ha$e gone to wor?7 he res"on)e)7 GThe wor? wi!! co*e again7 (t
chi!)hoo) won@t#G For the rest of their !i$es his chi!)ren re*e*(ere) this
!itt!e act of "riorit% setting7 not on!% as an o(Dect !esson in their *in)s (t as
an e<"ression of !o$e in their hearts#
0or? Centere)ness# 0or?,centere) "eo"!e *a% (eco*e Gwor?aho!ics7G
)ri$ing the*se!$es to "ro)ce at the sacrifice of hea!th7 re!ationshi"s7 an)
other i*"ortant areas of their !i$es# Their fn)a*enta! i)entit% co*es fro*
their wor?AGI@* a )octor7G GI@* a writer7G GI@* an actor#G
Becase their i)entit% an) sense of se!f,worth are wra""e) " in their wor?7
their secrit% is $!nera(!e to an%thing that ha""ens to "re$ent the* fro*
contining in it# Their gi)ance is a fnction of the )e*an)s of the wor?#
Their wis)o* an) "ower co*e in the !i*ite) areas of their wor?7 ren)ering
the* ineffecti$e in other areas of !ife#
Possession Centere)ness# A )ri$ing force of *an% "eo"!e is "ossessionsA
not on!% tangi(!e7 *ateria! "ossessions sch as fashiona(!e c!othes7 ho*es7
cars7 (oats7 an) Dewe!r%7 (t a!so the intangi(!e "ossessions of fa*e7 g!or%7
or socia! "ro*inence# -ost of s are aware7 throgh or own e<"erience7
how sing!ar!% f!awe) sch a center is7 si*"!% (ecase it can $anish ra"i)!%
an) it is inf!ence) (% so *an% forces#
If *% sense of secrit% !ies in *% re"tation or in the things I ha$e7 *% !ife
wi!! (e in a constant state of threat an) Deo"ar)% that these "ossessions *a%
(e !ost or sto!en or )e$a!e)# If I@* in the "resence of so*eone of greater net
worth or fa*e or stats7 I fee! inferior# If I@* in the "resence of so*eone of
!esser net worth or fa*e or stats7 I fee! s"erior# -% sense of se!f,worth
constant!% f!ctates# I )on@t ha$e an% sense of constanc% or anchorage or
"ersistent se!fhoo)# I a* constant!% tr%ing to "rotect an) insre *% assets7
"ro"erties7 secrities7 "osition7 or re"tation# 0e ha$e a!! hear) stories of
"eo"!e co**itting sici)e after !osing their fortnes in a significant stoc?
)ec!ine or their fa*e in a "o!itica! re$ersa!#
P!easre Centere)ness# Another co**on center7 c!ose!% a!!ie) with
"ossessions7 is that of fn an) "!easre# 0e !i$e in a wor!) where instant
gratification is a$ai!a(!e an) encorage)# Te!e$ision an) *o$ies are *aDor
inf!ences in increasing "eo"!e@s e<"ectations# The% gra"hica!!% "ortra%
what other "eo"!e ha$e an) can )o in !i$ing the !ife of ease an) Gfn#G
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
116
Bt whi!e the g!itter of "!easre,centere) !ife,st%!es is gra"hica!!% "ortra%e)7
the natra! res!t of sch !ife,st%!esAthe i*"act on the inner "erson7 on
"ro)cti$it%7 on re!ationshi"sAis se!)o* accrate!% seen#
Innocent "!easres in *o)eration can "ro$i)e re!a<ation for the (o)% an)
*in) an) can foster fa*i!% an) other re!ationshi"s# Bt "!easre7 "er se7
offers no )ee"7 !asting satisfaction or sense of f!fi!!*ent# The "!easre,
centere) "erson7 too soon (ore) with each sccee)ing !e$e! of Gfn7G
constant!% cries for *ore an) *ore# So the ne<t new "!easre has to (e
(igger an) (etter7 *ore e<citing7 with a (igger Ghigh#G A "erson in this state
(eco*es a!*ost entire!% narcissistic7 inter"reting a!! of !ife in ter*s of the
"!easre it "ro$i)es to the se!f here an) now#
Too *an% $acations that !ast too !ong7 too *an% *o$ies7 too *ch TV7 too
*ch $i)eo ga*e "!a%ingAtoo *ch n)isci"!ine) !eisre ti*e in which a
"erson contina!!% ta?es the corse of !east resistance gra)a!!% wastes a
!ife# It ensres that a "erson@s ca"acities sta% )or*ant7 that ta!ents re*ain
n)e$e!o"e)7 that the *in) an) s"irit (eco*e !ethargic an) that the heart is
nf!fi!!e)# 0here is the secrit%7 the gi)ance7 the wis)o*7 an) the "owerB
At the !ow en) of the contin*7 in the "!easre of a f!eeting *o*ent#
-a!co!* -ggeri)ge writes GA Twentieth,Centr% Testi*on%GL
0hen I !oo? (ac? on *% !ife nowa)a%s7 which I so*eti*es )o7 what stri?es
*e *ost forci(!% a(ot it is that what see*e) at the ti*e *ost significant
an) se)cti$e7 see*s now *ost fti!e an) a(sr)# For instance7 sccess in a!!
of its $arios gisesE (eing ?nown an) (eing "raise)E ostensi(!e "!easres7
!i?e acFiring *one% or se)cing wo*en7 or tra$e!ing7 going to an) fro in
the wor!) an) " an) )own in it !i?e Satan7 e<"!aining an) e<"eriencing
whate$er Vanit% Fair has to offer#
In retros"ect7 a!! these e<ercises in se!f,gratification see* "re fantas%7 what
Pasca! ca!!e)7 G!ic?ing the earth#G
Frien)5Ene*% Centere)ness# Yong "eo"!e are "artic!ar!%7 thogh certain!%
not e<c!si$e!%7 ssce"ti(!e to (eco*ing frien),centere)# Acce"tance an)
(e!onging to a "eer gro" can (eco*e a!*ost s"re*e!% i*"ortant# The
)istorte) an) e$er,changing socia! *irror (eco*es the sorce for the for
!ife,s""ort factors7 creating a high )egree of )e"en)ence on the f!ctating
*oo)s7 fee!ings7 attit)es7 an) (eha$ior of others# Frien) centere)ness can
a!so focs e<c!si$e!% on one "erson7
118
ta?ing on so*e of the )i*ensions of *arriage# The e*otiona! )e"en)ence
on one in)i$i)a!7 the esca!ating nee)5conf!ict s"ira!7 an) the res!ting
negati$e interactions can grow ot of frien) centere)ness#
An) what a(ot "tting an ene*% at the center of one@s !ifeB -ost "eo"!e
wo!) ne$er thin? of it7 an) "ro(a(!% no one wo!) e$er )o it conscios!%#
Ne$erthe!ess7 ene*% centering is $er% co**on7 "artic!ar!% when there is
freFent interaction (etween "eo"!e who are in rea! conf!ict# 0hen so*eone
fee!s he has (een nDst!% )ea!t with (% an e*otiona!!% or socia!!%
significant "erson7 it is $er% eas% for hi* to (eco*e "reocc"ie) with the
inDstice an) *a?e the other "erson the center of his !ife# Rather than
"roacti$e!% !ea)ing his own !ife7 the ene*%,centere) "erson is
conter)e"en)ent!% reacting to the (eha$ior an) attit)es of a "ercei$e)
ene*%#
One frien) of *ine who taght at a ni$ersit% (eca*e $er% )istraght
(ecase of the wea?nesses of a "artic!ar a)*inistrator with who* he ha) a
negati$e re!ationshi"# He a!!owe) hi*se!f to thin? a(ot the *an constant!%
nti! e$enta!!% it (eca*e an o(session# It so "reocc"ie) hi* that it
affecte) the Fa!it% of his re!ationshi"s with his fa*i!%7 his chrch7 an) his
wor?ing associates# He fina!!% ca*e to the conc!sion that he ha) to !ea$e
the ni$ersit% an) acce"t a teaching a""oint*ent so*ewhere e!se#
G0o!)n@t %o rea!!% "refer to teach at this ni$ersit%7 if the *an were not
hereBG I as?e) hi*#
GYes7 I wo!)7G he res"on)e)# GBt as !ong as he is here7 then *% sta%ing is
too )isr"ti$e to e$er%thing in !ife# I ha$e to go#G
G0h% ha$e %o *a)e this a)*inistrator the center of %or !ifeBG I as?e)
hi*#
He was shoc?e) (% the Festion# He )enie) it# Bt I "ointe) ot to hi* that
he was a!!owing one in)i$i)a! an) his wea?nesses to )istort his entire *a"
of !ife7 to n)er*ine his faith an) the Fa!it% of his re!ationshi"s with his
!o$e) ones#
He fina!!% a)*itte) that this in)i$i)a! ha) ha) sch an i*"act on hi*7 (t
he )enie) that he hi*se!f ha) *a)e a!! these choices# He attri(te) the
res"onsi(i!it% for the nha""% sitation to the a)*inistrator# He7 hi*se!f7 he
)ec!are)7 was not res"onsi(!e#
As we ta!?e)7 !itt!e (% !itt!e7 he ca*e to rea!iCe that he was in)ee)
res"onsi(!e7 (t that (ecase he )i) not han)!e this res"onsi(i!it% we!!7 he
was (eing irres"onsi(!e#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 11:
-an% )i$orce) "eo"!e fa!! into a si*i!ar "attern# The% are sti!! cons*e)
with anger an) (itterness an) se!f,Dstification regar)ing an e<,s"ose# In a
negati$e sense7 "s%cho!ogica!!% the% are sti!! *arrie)Athe% each nee) the
wea?nesses of the for*er "artner to Dstif% their accsations#
-an% Go!)erG chi!)ren go throgh !ife either secret!% or o"en!% hating their
"arents# The% (!a*e the* for "ast a(ses7 neg!ect7 or fa$oritis* an) the%
center their a)!t !ife on that hatre)7 !i$ing ot the reacti$e7 Dstif%ing scri"t
that acco*"anies it#
The in)i$i)a! who is frien), or ene*%,centere) has no intrinsic secrit%#
Fee!ings of se!f,worth are $o!ati!e7 a fnction of the e*otiona! state or
(eha$ior of other "eo"!e# Gi)ance co*es fro* the "erson@s "erce"tion of
how others wi!! res"on)7 an) wis)o* is !i*ite) (% the socia! !ens or (% an
ene*%,centere) "aranoia# The in)i$i)a! has no "ower# Other "eo"!e are
"!!ing the strings#
Chrch Centere)ness# I (e!ie$e that a!*ost an%one who is serios!% in$o!$e)
in an% chrch wi!! recogniCe that chrchgoing is not s%non%*os with
"ersona! s"irita!it%# There are so*e "eo"!e who get so (s% in chrch
worshi" an) "roDects that the% (eco*e insensiti$e to the "ressing h*an
nee)s that srron) the*7 contra)icting the $er% "rece"ts the% "rofess to
(e!ie$e )ee"!%# There are others who atten) chrch !ess freFent!% or not at
a!! (t whose attit)es an) (eha$ior ref!ect a *ore genine centering in the
"rinci"!es of the (asic >)eo,Christian ethic#
Ha$ing "artici"ate) throghot *% !ife in organiCe) chrch an) co**nit%
ser$ice gro"s7 I ha$e fon) that atten)ing chrch )oes not necessari!% *ean
!i$ing the "rinci"!es taght in those *eetings# Yo can (e acti$e in a chrch
(t inacti$e in its gos"e!#
In the chrch,centere) !ife7 i*age or a""earance can (eco*e a "erson@s
)o*inant consi)eration7 !ea)ing to h%"ocris% that n)er*ines "ersona!
secrit% an) intrinsic worth# Gi)ance co*es fro* a socia! conscience7 an)
the chrch,centere) "erson ten)s to !a(e! others artificia!!% in ter*s of
Gacti$e7G Ginacti$e7G G!i(era!7G Gortho)o<7G or Gconser$ati$e#G
Becase the chrch is a for*a! organiCation *a)e " of "o!icies7 "rogra*s7
"ractices7 an) "eo"!e7 it cannot (% itse!f gi$e a "erson an% )ee"7 "er*anent
secrit% or sense of intrinsic worth# Li$ing the "rinci"!es taght (% the
chrch can )o this7 (t the organiCation a!one cannot#
Nor can the chrch gi$e a "erson a constant sense of gi)ance#
11I
Chrch,centere) "eo"!e often ten) to !i$e in co*"art*ents7 acting an)
thin?ing an) fee!ing in certain wa%s on the Sa((ath an) in tota!!% )ifferent
wa%s on wee?)a%s# Sch a !ac? of who!eness or nit% or integrit% is a frther
threat to secrit%7 creating the nee) for increase) !a(e!ing an) se!f,Dstif%ing#
Seeing the chrch as an en) rather than as a *eans to an en) n)er*ines a
"erson@s wis)o* an) sense of (a!ance# A!thogh the chrch c!ai*s to teach
"eo"!e a(ot the sorce of "owerE it )oes not c!ai* to (e that "ower itse!f# It
c!ai*s to (e one $ehic!e throgh which )i$ine "ower can (e channe!e) into
*an@s natre#
Se!f,Centere)ness# Perha"s the *ost co**on center to)a% is the se!f# The
*ost o($ios for* is se!fishness7 which $io!ates the $a!es of *ost "eo"!e#
Bt if we !oo? c!ose!% at *an% of the "o"!ar a""roaches to growth an) se!f,
f!fi!!*ent7 we often fin) se!f,centering at their core#
There is !itt!e secrit%7 gi)ance7 wis)o*7 or "ower in the !i*ite) center of
se!f# Li?e the &ea) Sea in Israe!7 it acce"ts (t ne$er gi$es# It (eco*es
stagnant#
On the other han)7 "a%ing attention to the )e$e!o"*ent of se!f in the greater
"ers"ecti$e of i*"ro$ing one@s a(i!it% to ser$e7 to "ro)ce7 to contri(te in
*eaningf! wa%s7 gi$es conte<t for )ra*atic increase in the for !ife,s""ort
factors#
These are so*e of the *ore co**on centers fro* which "eo"!e a""roach
!ife# It is often *ch easier to recogniCe the center in so*eone e!se@s !ife than
to see it in %or own# Yo "ro(a(!% ?now so*eone who "ts *a?ing *one%
ahea) of e$er%thing e!se# Yo "ro(a(!% ?now so*eone whose energ% is
)e$ote) to Dstif%ing his or her "osition in an ongoing negati$e re!ationshi"#
If %o !oo?7 %o can so*eti*es see (e%on) (eha$ior into the center that
creates it#
I)entif%ing Yor Center
Bt where )o %o stan)B 0hat is at the center of %or own !ifeB So*eti*es
that isn@t eas% to see#
Perha"s the (est wa% to i)entif% %or own center is to !oo? c!ose!% at %or
!ife,s""ort factors# If %o can i)entif% with one or *ore of the )escri"tions
(e!ow7 %o can trace it (ac? to the center fro* which it f!ows7 a center
which *a% (e !i*iting %or "ersona! effecti$eness#
122
-ore often than not7 a "erson@s center is so*e co*(ination of these an)5or
other centers# -ost "eo"!e are $er% *ch a fnction of a $ariet% of
inf!ences that "!a% "on their !i$es# &e"en)ing on e<terna! or interna!
con)itions7 one "artic!ar center *a% (e acti$ate) nti! the n)er!%ing nee)s
are satisfie)# Then another center (eco*es the co*"e!!ing force#
As a "erson f!ctates fro* one center to another7 the res!ting re!ati$is* is
!i?e ro!!er coasting throgh !ife# One *o*ent %o@re high7 the ne<t *o*ent
%o@re !ow7 *a?ing efforts to co*"ensate for one wea?ness (% (orrowing
strength fro* another wea?ness# There is no consistent sense of )irection7 no
"ersistent wis)o*7 no stea)% "ower s""!% or sense of "ersona!7 intrinsic
worth an) i)entit%#
The i)ea!7 of corse7 is to create one c!ear center fro* which %o
consistent!% )eri$e a high )egree of secrit%7 gi)ance7 wis)o*7 an) "ower7
e*"owering %or "roacti$it% an) gi$ing congrenc% an) har*on% to e$er%
"art of %or !ife#
A Princi"!e Center
B% centering or !i$es on correct "rinci"!es7 we create a so!i) fon)ation for
)e$e!o"*ent of the for !ife,s""ort factors#
Or secrit% co*es fro* ?nowing that7 n!i?e other centers (ase) on "eo"!e
or things which are s(Dect to freFent an) i**e)iate change7 correct
"rinci"!es )o not change# 0e can )e"en) on the*#
Princi"!es )on@t react to an%thing# The% )on@t get *a) an) treat s
)ifferent!%# The% won@t )i$orce s or rn awa% with or (est frien)# The%
aren@t ot to get s# The% can@t "a$e or wa% with shortcts an) Fic? fi<es#
The% )on@t )e"en) on the (eha$ior of others7 the en$iron*ent7 or the crrent
fa) for their $a!i)it%# Princi"!es )on@t )ie# The% aren@t here one )a% an) gone
the ne<t# The% can@t (e )estro%e) (% fire7 earthFa?e or theft#
Princi"!es are )ee"7 fn)a*enta! trths7 c!assic trths7 generic co**on
)eno*inators# The% are tight!% interwo$en threa)s rnning with e<actness7
consistenc%7 (eat%7 an) strength throgh the fa(ric of !ife#
E$en in the *i)st of "eo"!e or circ*stances that see* to ignore the
"rinci"!es7 we can (e secre in the ?now!e)ge that "rinci"!es are (igger than
"eo"!e or circ*stances7 an) that thosan)s of %ears of histor% ha$e seen
the* tri*"h7 ti*e an) ti*e again#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
123
E$en *ore i*"ortant7 we can (e secre in the ?now!e)ge that we can
$a!i)ate the* in or own !i$es7 (% or own e<"erience#
A)*itte)!%7 we@re not o*niscient# Or ?now!e)ge an) n)erstan)ing of
correct "rinci"!es is !i*ite) (% or own !ac? of awareness of or tre natre
an) the wor!) aron) s an) (% the f!oo) of tren)% "hi!oso"hies an) theories
that are not in har*on% with correct "rinci"!es# These i)eas wi!! ha$e their
season of acce"tance7 (t7 !i?e *an% (efore the*7 the% won@t en)re (ecase
the%@re (i!t on fa!se fon)ations#
0e are !i*ite)7 (t we can "sh (ac? the (or)ers of or !i*itations# An
n)erstan)ing of the "rinci"!e of or own growth ena(!es s to search ot
correct "rinci"!es with the confi)ence that the *ore we !earn7 the *ore
c!ear!% we can focs the !ens throgh which we see the wor!)# The "rinci"!es
)on@t changeE or n)erstan)ing of the* )oes#
The wis)o* an) gi)ance that acco*"an% "rinci"!e,centere) !i$ing co*e
fro* correct *a"s7 fro* the wa% things rea!!% are7 ha$e (een7 an) wi!! (e#
Correct *a"s ena(!e s to c!ear!% see where we want to go an) how to get
there# 0e can *a?e or )ecisions sing the correct )ata that wi!! *a?e their
i*"!e*entation "ossi(!e an) *eaningf!#
The "ersona! "ower that co*es fro* "rinci"!e,centere) !i$ing is the "ower
of a se!f,aware7 ?now!e)gea(!e7 "roacti$e in)i$i)a!7 nrestricte) (% the
attit)es7 (eha$iors7 an) actions of others or (% *an% of the circ*stances
an) en$iron*enta! inf!ences that !i*it other "eo"!e#
The on!% rea! !i*itation of "ower is the natra! conseFences of the
"rinci"!es the*se!$es# 0e are free to choose or actions7 (ase) on or
?now!e)ge of correct "rinci"!es7 (t we are not free to choose the
conseFences of those actions# Re*e*(er7 GIf %o "ic? " one en) of the
stic?7 %o "ic? " the other#G
Princi"!es a!wa%s ha$e natra! conseFences attache) to the*# There are
"ositi$e conseFences when we !i$e in har*on% with the "rinci"!es# There
are negati$e conseFences when we ignore the*# Bt (ecase these
"rinci"!es a""!% to e$er%one7 whether or not the% are aware7 this !i*itation is
ni$ersa!# An) the *ore we ?now of correct "rinci"!es7 the greater is or
"ersona! free)o* to act wise!%#
B% centering or !i$es on ti*e!ess7 nchanging "rinci"!es7 we create a
fn)a*enta! "ara)ig* of effecti$e !i$ing# It is the center that "ts a!! other
centers in "ers"ecti$e#
HA3IT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
126
Re*e*(er that %or "ara)ig* is the sorce fro* which %or attit)es an)
(eha$iors f!ow# A "ara)ig* is !i?e a "air of g!assesE it affects the wa% %o
see e$er%thing in %or !ife# If %o !oo? at things throgh the "ara)ig* of
correct "rinci"!es7 what %o see in !ife is )ra*atica!!% )ifferent fro* what
%o see throgh an% other centere) "ara)ig*#
I ha$e inc!)e) in the A""en)i< section of this (oo? a )etai!e) chart which
shows how each center we@$e )iscsse) *ight "ossi(!% affect the wa% %o
see e$er%thing e!se#U Bt for a Fic? n)erstan)ing of the )ifference %or
center *a?es7 !et@s !oo? at Dst one e<a*"!e of a s"ecific "ro(!e* as seen
throgh the )ifferent "ara)ig*s# As %o rea)7 tr% to "t on each "air of
g!asses# Tr% to fee! the res"onse thatO f!ows fro* the )ifferent centers#
128
S""ose tonight %o ha$e in$ite) %or wife to go to a concert# Yo ha$e the
tic?etsE she@s e<cite) a(ot going# It@s for o@c!oc? in the afternoon#
A!! of a s))en7 %or (oss ca!!s %o into his office an) sa%s he nee)s %or
he!" throgh the e$ening to get rea)% for an i*"ortant *eeting at K a#*#
to*orrow#
If %o@re !oo?ing throgh s"ose,centere) or fa*i!%,centere) g!asses7 %or
*ain concern wi!! (e %or wife# Yo *a% te!! the (oss %o can@t sta% an)
%o ta?e her to the concert in an effort to "!ease her Yo *a% fee! %o ha$e
to sta% to "rotect %or Do(7 (t %o@!! )o so gr)ging!%7 an<ios a(ot her
res"onse7 tr%ing to Dstif% %or )ecision an) "rotect %orse!f fro* her
)isa""oint*ent or anger#
If %o@re !oo?ing throgh a *one%,centere) !ens7 %or *ain thoght wi!! (e
of the o$erti*e %o@!! get or the inf!ence wor?ing !ate wi!! ha$e on a
"otentia! raise# Yo *a% ca!! %or wife an) si*"!% te!! her %o ha$e to sta%7
ass*ing she@!! n)erstan) that econo*ic )e*an)s co*e first#
If %o@re wor?,centere)7 %o *a% (e thin?ing of the o""ortnit%# Yo can
!earn *ore a(ot the Do(# Yo can *a?e so*e "oints with the (oss an)
frther %or career# Yo *a% gi$e %orse!f a "at on the (ac? for "tting in
hors we!! (e%on) what is reFire)7 e$i)ence of what a har) wor?er %o are#
Yor wife sho!) (e "ro) of %oH
If %o@re "ossession,centere)7 %o *ight (e thin?ing of the things the
o$erti*e inco*e co!) (%# Or %o *ight consi)er what an asset to %or
re"tation at the office it wo!) (e if %o sta%e)# E$er%one wo!) hear
to*orrow how no(!e7 how sacrificing an) )e)icate) %o are#
If %o@re "!easre),centere)7 %o@!! "ro(a(!% can the wor? an) go to the
concert7 e$en if %or wife wo!) (e ha""% for %o to wor? !ate# Yo )eser$e
a night otH
If %o@re frien),centere)7 %or )ecision wo!) (e inf!ence) (% whether or
not %o ha) in$ite) frien)s to atten) the concert with %o# Or whether %or
frien)s at wor? were going to sta% !ate7 too#
If %o@re ene*%,centere)7 %o *a% sta% !ate (ecase %o ?now it wi!! gi$e
%o a (ig e)ge o$er that "erson in the office who thin?s he@s the co*"an%@s
greatest asset# 0hi!e he@s off ha$ing fn7 %o@!! (e wor?ing an) s!a$ing7
)oing his wor? an) %ors7 sacrificing %or "ersona! "!easre for the goo) of
the co*"an% he can so (!ithe!% ignore#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 12:
If %o@re chrch,centere)7 %o *ight (e inf!ence) (% "!ans other chrch
*e*(ers ha$e to atten) the concert7 (% whether or not an% chrch *e*(ers
wor? at %or office7 or (% the natre of the concertAHan)e!@s -essiah
*ight rate higher "riorit% than a roc? concert# Yor )ecision *ight a!so (e
affecte) (% what %o thin? a Ggoo) chrch *e*(erG wo!) )o an) (%
whether %o $iew the e<tra wor? as Gser$iceG or Gsee?ing after *ateria!
wea!th#G
If %o@re se!f,centere)7 %o@!! (e focse) on what wi!! )o %o the *ost goo)#
0o!) it (e (etter for %o to go ot for the e$eningB Or wo!) it (e (etter
for %o to *a?e a few "oints with the (ossB How the )ifferent o"tions affect
%o wi!! (e %or *ain concern#
As we consi)er $arios wa%s of !oo?ing at a sing!e e$ent7 is it an% won)er
that we ha$e G%ong !a)%5o!) !a)%G "erce"tion "ro(!e*s in or interactions
with each otherB Can %o see how fn)a*enta!!% or centers affect sB
Right )own to or *oti$ations7 or )ai!% )ecisions7 or actions Mor7 in too
*an% cases7 or reactionsN7 or inter"retations of e$entsB That@s wh%
n)erstan)ing %or own center is so i*"ortant# An) if that center )oes not
e*"ower %o as a "roacti$e "erson7 it (eco*es fn)a*enta! to %or
effecti$eness to *a?e the necessar% "ara)ig* shifts to create a center that
wi!!#
As a "rinci"!e,centere) "erson7 %o tr% to stan) a"art fro* the e*otion of
the sitation an) fro* other factors that wo!) act on %o7 an) e$a!ate the
o"tions# Loo?ing at the (a!ance) who!eAthe wor? nee)s7 the fa*i!% nee)s7
other nee)s that *a% (e in$o!$e) an) the "ossi(!e i*"!ications of the
$arios a!ternati$e )ecisionsA %o@!! tr% to co*e " with the (est so!tion7
ta?ing a!! factors into consi)eration#
0hether %o go to the concert or sta% an) wor? is rea!!% a s*a!! "art of an
effecti$e )ecision# Yo *ight *a?e the sa*e choice with a n*(er of other
centers# Bt there are se$era! i*"ortant )ifferences when %o are co*ing
fro* a "rinci"!e,centere) "ara)ig*#
First7 %o are not (eing acte) "on (% other "eo"!e or circ*stances# Yo
are "roacti$e!% choosing what %o )eter*ine to (e the (est a!ternati$e# Yo
*a?e %or )ecision conscios!% an) ?now!e)gea(!%
Secon)7 %o ?now %or )ecision is *ost effecti$e (ecase it is (ase) on
"rinci"!es with "re)icta(!e !ong,ter* res!ts#
Thir)7 what %o choose to )o contri(tes to %or !ti*ate $a!es in !ife#
Sta%ing at wor? to get the e)ge on so*eone at the office is
12I THE SEVEN HANTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
an entire!% )ifferent e$ening in %or !ife fro* sta%ing (ecase %o
$a!e %or (oss@s effecti$eness an) %o genine!% want to contri(te to
the co*"an%@s we!fare# The e<"eriences %o ha$e as %o carr% ot %or
)ecisions ta?e on Fa!it% an) *eaning in the conte<t of %or !ife as a
who!e#
Forth7 %o can co**nicate to %or wife an) %or (oss within the
strong networ?s %o@$e create) in %or inter)e"en)ent re!ationshi"s#
Becase %o are in)e"en)ent %o can (e effecti$e!% inter)e"en)ent#
Yo *ight )eci)e to )e!egate what is )e!ega(!e an) co*e in ear!% the
ne<t *orning to )o the rest#
An) fina!!%7 %o@!! fee! co*forta(!e a(ot %or )ecision# 0hate$er %o
choose to )o7 %o can focs on it an) enDo% it#
As a "rinci"!e,centere) "erson7 %o see things )ifferent!%# An) (ecase
%o see things )ifferent!%7 %o thin? )ifferent!%7 %o act )ifferent!%#
Becase %o ha$e a high )egree of secrit%7 gi)ance7 wis)o*7 an)
"ower that f!ows fro* a so!i)7 nchanging core7 %o ha$e the
fon)ation of a high!% "roacti$e an) high!% effecti$e !ife#
0RITING AN& .SING A PERSONAL -ISSION STATE-ENT
As we go )ee"!% within orse!$es7 as we n)erstan) an) rea!ign or
(asic "ara)ig*s to (ring the* in har*on% with correct "rinci"!es7 we
create (oth an effecti$e7 e*"owering center an) a )ear !ens throgh
which we can see the wor!)# 0e can then focs that !ens on how we7 as
niFe in)i$i)a!s7 re!ate to that wor!)#
Fran?! sa%s we )etect rather than in$ent or *issions in !ife# I !i?e that
choice of wor)s# I thin? each of s has an interna! *onitor or sense7 a
conscience7 that gi$es s an awareness of or own niFeness an) the
sing!ar contri(tions that we can *a?e# In Fran?!@s wor)s7 GE$er%one
has his own s"ecific $ocation or *ission in !ife# # # # Therein he cannot
(e re"!ace)7 nor can his !ife (e re"eate)# Ths7 e$er%one@s tas? is as
niFe as is his s"ecific o""ortnit% to i*"!e*ent it#G
In see?ing to gi$e $er(a! e<"ression to that niFeness7 we are again
re*in)e) of the fn)a*enta! i*"ortance of "roacti$it% an) of wor?ing
within or Circ!e of Inf!ence# To see? so*e a(stract *eaning to or
!i$es ot in or Circ!e of Concern is to a()icate or "roacti$e
res"onsi(i!it%7 to "!ace or own first creation in the han)s of
circ*stance an) other "eo"!e#
Or *eaning co*es fro* within# Again7 in the wor)s of Fran?!7

HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
12K
G.!ti*ate!%7 *an sho!) not as? what the *eaning of his !ife is7 (t
rather *st recogniCe that it is he who is as?e)# In a wor)7 each *an is
Festione) (% !ifeE an) he can on!% answer to !ife (% answering for his
own !ifeE to !ife he can on!% res"on) (% (eing res"onsi(!e#G
Persona! res"onsi(i!it%7 or "roacti$it%7 is fn)a*enta! to the first
creation# Retrning to the co*"ter *eta"hor7 Ha(it 1 sa%s GYo are
the "rogra**er#G Ha(it 27 then7 sa%s7 G0rite the "rogra*#G .nti! %o
acce"t the i)ea that %o are res"onsi(!e7 that %o are the "rogra**er7
%o won@t rea!!% in$est in writing the "rogra*#
As "roacti$e "eo"!e7 we can (egin to gi$e e<"ression to what we want
to (e an) to )o in or !i$es# 0e can write a "ersona! *ission state*ent7
a "ersona! constittion#
A *ission state*ent is not so*ething %o write o$ernight# It ta?es )ee"
intros"ection7 caref! ana!%sis7 thoghtf! e<"ression7 an) often *an%
rewrites to "ro)ce it in fina! for*# It *a% ta?e %o se$era! wee?s or
e$en *onths (efore %o fee! rea!!% co*forta(!e with it7 (efore %o fee!
it is a co*"!ete an) concise e<"ression of %or inner*ost $a!es an)
)irections# E$en then7 %o wi!! want to re$iew it reg!ar!% an) *a?e
*inor changes as the %ears (ring a))itiona! insights or changing
circ*stances#
Bt fn)a*enta!!%7 %or *ission state*ent (eco*es %or constittion7
the so!i) e<"ression of %or $ision an) $a!es# It (eco*es the criterion
(% which %o *easre e$er%thing e!se in %or !ife#
I recent!% finishe) re$iewing *% own *ission state*ent7 which I )o
fair!% reg!ar!%# Sitting on the e)ge of a (each7 a!one7 at the en) of a
(ic%c!e ri)e7 I too? ot *% organiCer an) ha**ere) it ot# It too?
se$era! hors7 (t I fe!t a sense of c!arit%7 a sense of organiCation an)
co**it*ent7 a sense of e<hi!aration an) free)o*#
I fin) the "rocess is as i*"ortant as the "ro)ct# 0riting or re$iewing a
*ission state*ent changes %o (ecase it forces %o to thin? throgh
%or "riorities )ee"!%7 caref!!%7 an) to a!ign %or (eha$ior with %or
(e!iefs# As %o )o7 other "eo"!e (egin to sense that %o@re not (eing
)ri$en (% e$er%thing that ha""ens to %o# Yo ha$e a sense of *ission
a(ot what %o@re tr%ing to )o an) %o are e<cite) a(ot it#U
13J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
.SING YO.R 0HOLE BRAIN
Or se!f,awareness e*"owers s to e<a*ine or own thoghtsU# This is
"artic!ar!% he!"f! in creating a "ersona! *ission state*ent (ecase
the two niFe h*an en)ow*ents that ena(!e s to "ractice Ha(it 2A
i*agination an) conscienceAare "ri*ari!% fnctions of the right si)e
of the (rain# .n)erstan)ing how to ta" into that right (rain ca"acit%
great!% increases or first creation a(i!it%#
A great )ea! of research has (een con)cte) for )eca)es on what has
co*e to (e ca!!e) (rain )o*inance theor%# The fin)ings (asica!!%
in)icate that each he*is"here of the (rainA!eft an) rightAten)s to
s"ecia!iCe in an) "resi)e o$er )ifferent fnctions7 "rocess )ifferent
?in)s of infor*ation7 an) )ea! with )ifferent ?in)s of "ro(!e*s#
Essentia!!%7 the !eft he*is"here is the *ore !ogica!5$er(a! one an) the
right he*is"here the *ore intiti$e7 creati$e one# The !eft )ea!s with
wor)s7 the right with "ictresE the !eft with "arts an) s"ecifics7 the right
with who!es an) the re!ationshi" (etween the "arts# The !eft )ea!s with
ana!%sis7 which *eans to (rea? a"artE the right with s%nthesis7 which
*eans to "t together# The !eft )ea!s with seFentia! thin?ingE the right
with si*!taneos an) ho!istic thin?ing# The !eft is ti*e (on)E the
right is ti*e free#
A!thogh "eo"!e se (oth si)es of the (rain7 one si)e or the other
genera!!% ten)s to (e )o*inant in each in)i$i)a!# Of corse7 the i)ea!
wo!) (e to c!ti$ate an) )e$e!o" the a(i!it% to ha$e goo) crosso$er
(etween (oth si)es of the (rain so that a "erson co!) first sense what
the sitation ca!!e) for an) then se the a""ro"riate too! to )ea! with it#
Bt "eo"!e ten) to sta% in the Gco*fort ConeG of their )o*inant
he*is"here an) "rocess e$er% sitation accor)ing to either a right or
!eft (rain "reference#
In the wor)s of A(raha* -as!ow7 GHe that is goo) with a ha**er
ten)s to thin? e$er%thing is a nai!#G This is another factor that affects
the G%ong !a)%5o!) !a)%G "erce"tion )ifference# Right (rain an) !eft
(rain "eo"!e ten) to !oo? at things in )ifferent wa%s#
0e !i$e in a "ri*ari!% !eft (rain,)o*inant wor!)7 where wor)s an)
*easre*ent an) !ogic are enthrone)7 an) the *ore creati$e7 intiti$e7
sensing7 artistic as"ect of or natre is often s(or)inate)# -an% of s
fin) it *ore )iffic!t to ta" into or right (rain ca"acit%#
A)*itte)!% this )escri"tion is o$ersi*"!ifie) an) new st)ies wi!!
n)o(te)!% throw *ore !ight on (rain fnctioning# Bt the

HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
132
"oint here is that we are ca"a(!e of "erfor*ing *an% )ifferent ?in)s of
thoght "rocesses an) we (are!% ta" or "otentia!# As we (eco*e
aware of its )ifferent ca"acities7 we can conscios!% se or *in)s to
*eet s"ecific nee)s in *ore effecti$e wa%s#
T0O 0AYS TO TAP THE RIGHT BRAIN
If we se the (rain )o*inance theor% as a *o)e!7 it (eco*es e$i)ent
that the Fa!it% of or first creation is significant!% i*"acte) (% or
a(i!it% to se or creati$e right (rain# The *ore we are a(!e to )raw
"on or right (rain ca"acit%7 the *ore f!!% we wi!! (e a(!e to
$isa!iCe7 to s%nthesiCe7 to transcen) ti*e an) "resent circ*stances7 to
"roDect a ho!istic "ictre of what we want to )o an) to (e in !ife#
E<"an) Pers"ecti$e
So*eti*es we are ?noc?e) ot of or !eft (rain en$iron*ent an)
thoght "atterns an) into the right (rain (% an n"!anne) e<"erience#
The )eath of a !o$e) one7 a se$ere i!!ness7 a financia! set(ac?7 or
e<tre*e a)$ersit% can case s to stan) (ac?7 !oo? at or !i$es7 an) as?
orse!$es so*e har) FestionsL G0hat@s rea!!% i*"ortantB 0h% a* I
)oing what I@* )oingBG
Bt if %o@re "roacti$e7 %o )on@t ha$e to wait for circ*stances or
other "eo"!e to create "ers"ecti$e e<"an)ing e<"eriences# Yo can
conscios!% create %or own#
There are a n*(er of wa%s to )o this# Throgh the "owers of %or
i*agination7 %o can $isa!iCe %or own fnera!7 as we )i) at the
(eginning of this cha"ter# 0rite %or own e!og%# Acta!!% write it ot#
Be s"ecific#
Yo can $isa!iCe %or@ twent%,fifth an) then %or fiftieth we))ing
anni$ersar%# Ha$e %or s"ose $isa!iCe this with %o# Tr% to ca"tre
the essence of the fa*i!% re!ationshi" %o want to ha$e create) throgh
%or )a%,(%,)a% in$est*ent o$er a "erio) of that *an% %ears#
Yo can $isa!iCe %or retire*ent fro* %or "resent occ"ation# 0hat
contri(tions7 what achie$e*ents wi!! %o want to ha$e *a)e in %or
fie!)B 0hat "!ans wi!! %o ha$e after retire*entB 0i!! %o enter a
secon) careerB
E<"an) %or *in)# Visa!iCe in rich )etai!# In$o!$e as *an% e*otions
an) fee!ings as "ossi(!e# In$o!$e as *an% of the senses as %o can#
I ha$e )one si*i!ar $isa!iCation e<ercises with so*e of *%

132
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
ni$ersit% c!asses# GAss*e %o on!% ha$e this one se*ester to !i$e7G I
te!! *% st)ents7 Gan) that )ring this se*ester %o are to sta% in schoo!
as a goo) st)ent# Visa!iCe how %o wo!) s"en) %or se*ester#G
Things are s))en!% "!ace) in a )ifferent "ers"ecti$e# Va!es Fic?!%
srface that (efore weren@t e$en recogniCe)#
I ha$e a!so as?e) st)ents to !i$e with that e<"an)e) "ers"ecti$e for a
wee? an) ?ee" a )iar% of their e<"eriences#
The res!ts are $er% re$ea!ing# The% start writing to "arents to te!! the*
how *ch the% !o$e an) a""reciate the*# The% reconci!e with a
(rother7 a sister7 a frien) where the re!ationshi" has )eteriorate)#
The )o*inant7 centra! the*e of their acti$ities7 the n)er!%ing
"rinci"!e7 is !o$e# The fti!it% of (a),*othing7 (a) thin?ing7 "t,
)owns7 an) accsation (eco*es $er% e$i)ent when the% thin? in ter*s
of ha$ing on!% a short ti*e to !i$e# Princi"!es an) $a!es (eco*e *ore
e$i)ent to e$er%(o)%#
There are a n*(er of techniFes sing %or i*agination that can "t
%o in toch with %or $a!es# Bt the net effect of e$er% one I ha$e
e$er se) is the sa*e# 0hen "eo"!e serios!% n)erta?e to i)entif%
what rea!!% *atters *ost to the* in their !i$es7 what the% rea!!% want to
(e an) to )o7 the% (eco*e $er% re$erent# The% start to thin? in !arger
ter*s than to)a% an) to*orrow#
Visa!iCation an) Affir*ation
Persona! !ea)ershi" is not a sing!ar e<"erience# It )oesn@t (egin an)
en) with the writing of a "ersona! *ission state*ent# It is7 rather7 the
ongoing "rocess of ?ee"ing %or $ision an) $a!es (efore %o an)
a!igning %or !ife to (e congrent with those *ost i*"ortant things#
An) in that effort7 %or "owerf! right (rain ca"acit% can (e a great
he!" to %o on a )ai!% (asis as %o wor? to integrate %or "ersona!
*ission state*ent into %or !ife# It@s another a""!ication of G(egin with
the en) in *in)#G
Let@s go (ac? to an e<a*"!e we *entione) (efore# S""ose I a* a
"arent who rea!!% )ee"!% !o$es *% chi!)ren# S""ose I i)entif% that as
one of *% fn)a*enta! $a!es in *% "ersona! *ission state*ent# Bt
s""ose7 on a )ai!% (asis7 I ha$e tro(!e o$erreacting#
I can se *% right (rain "ower of $isa!iCation to write an
Gaffir*ationG that wi!! he!" *e (eco*e *ore congrent with *% )ee"er
$a!es in *% )ai!% !ife#

HABrf 2 BEGIN 0TTH THE EN& IN -IN& 133
A goo) affir*ation has fi$e (asic ingre)ientsL if s "ersona!7 ifs "ositi$e7
ifs "resent tense7 it@s $isa!7 an) ifs e*otiona!# So I *ight write
so*ething !i?e thisL GIt is )ee"!% satisf%ing Me*otiona!N that I M"ersona!N
res"on) M"resent tenseN with wis)o*7 !o$e7 fir*ness7 an) se!f,contro!
M"ositi$eN when *% chi!)ren *is(eha$e#G
Then I can $isa!iCe it# I can s"en) a few *intes each )a% an) tota!!%
re!a< *% *in) an) (o)%# I can thin? a(ot sitations in which *%
chi!)ren *ight *is(eha$e# I can $isa!iCe the* in rich )etai!# I can fee!
the te<tre of the chair I *ight (e sitting on7 the f!oor n)er *% feet7
the sweater I@* wearing# I can see the )ress *% )aghter has on7 the
e<"ression on her face# The *ore c!ear!% an) $i$i)!% I can i*agine the
)etai!7 the *ore )ee"!% I wi!! e<"erience it7 the !ess I wi!! see it as a
s"ectator#
Then I can see her )o so*ething $er% s"ecific which nor*a!!% *a?es
*% heart "on) an) *% te*"er start to f!are# Bt instea) of seeing *%
nor*a! res"onse7 I can see *%se!f han)!e the sitation with a!! the !o$e7
the "ower7 the se!f,contro! I ha$e ca"tre) in *% affir*ation# I can
write the "rogra*7 write the scri"t7 in har*on% with *% $a!es7 with
*% "ersona! *ission state*ent#
An) if I )o this7 )a% after )a% *% (eha$ior wi!! change# Instea) of
!i$ing ot of the scri"ts gi$en to *e (% *% own "arents or (% societ% or
(% genetics or *% en$iron*ent7 I wi!! (e !i$ing ot of the scri"t I ha$e
written fro* *% own se!f,se!ecte) $a!e s%ste*#
I ha$e he!"e) an) encorage) *% son7 Sean7 to se this affir*ation
"rocess e<tensi$e!% throghot his foot(a!! career# 0e starte) when he
"!a%e) Farter(ac? in high schoo!7 an) e$enta!!%7 I taght hi* how to
)o it on his own#
0e wo!) tr% to get hi* in a $er% re!a<e) state of *in) throgh )ee"
(reathing an) a "rogressi$e *sc!e re!a<ation techniFe so that he
(eca*e $er% Fiet insi)e# Then I wo!) he!" hi* $isa!iCe hi*se!f
right in the heat of the toghest sitations i*agina(!e#
He wo!) i*agine a (ig (!itC co*ing at hi* fast# He ha) to rea) the
(!itC an) res"on)# He wo!) i*agine gi$ing a)i(!es at the !ine after
rea)ing )efenses# He wo!) i*agine Fic? rea)s with his first recei$er7
his secon) recei$er7 his thir) recei$er# He wo!) i*agine o"tions that
he nor*a!!% wo!)n@t )o#
At one "oint in his foot(a!! career7 he to!) *e he was constant!% getting
"tight# As we ta!?e)7 I rea!iCe) that he was $isa!iCing "rightness# So
we wor?e) on $isa!iCing re!a<ation in the *i))!e
134
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
of the (ig "ressre circ*stance# 0e )isco$ere) that the natre of the
$isa!iCation is $er% i*"ortant# If %o $isa!iCe the wrong thing7 %o@!!
"ro)ce the wrong thing#
&r# Char!es Garfie!) has )one e<tensi$e research on "ea? "erfor*ers7 (oth
in ath!etics an) in (siness# He (eca*e fascinate) with "ea? "erfor*ance in
his wor? with the NASA "rogra*7 watching the astronats rehearse
e$er%thing on earth7 again an) again in a si*!ate) en$iron*ent (efore the%
went to s"ace# A!thogh he ha) a )octorate in *athe*atics7 he )eci)e) to go
(ac? an) get another Ph#&# in the fie!) of "s%cho!og% an) st)% the
characteristics of "ea? "erfor*ers#
One of the *ain things his research showe) was that a!*ost a!! of the wor!),
c!ass ath!etes an) other "ea? "erfor*ers are $isa!iCers# The% see itE the%
fee! itE the% e<"erience it (efore the% acta!!% )o it# The% (egin with the en)
in *in)#
Yo can )o it in e$er% area of %or !ife# Before a "erfor*ance7 a sa!es
"resentation7 a )iffic!t confrontation7 or the )ai!% cha!!enge of *eeting a
goa!7 see it c!ear!%7 $i$i)!%7 re!ent!ess!%7 o$er an) o$er again# Create an
interna! Gco*fort Cone#G Then7 when %o get into the sitation7 it isn@t
foreign# It )oesn@t scare %o#
Yor creati$e7 $isa! right (rain is one of %or *ost i*"ortant assets7 (oth in
creating %or "ersona! *ission state*ent an) in integrating it into %or !ife#
There is an entire (o)% of !iteratre an) a)io an) $i)eo ta"es that )ea!s
with this "rocess of $isa!iCation an) affir*ation# So*e of the *ore recent
)e$e!o"*ents in this fie!) inc!)e sch things as s(!i*ina! "rogra**ing7
nero!ingistic "rogra**ing7 an) new for*s of re!a<ation an) se!f,ta!?
"rocesses# These a!! in$o!$e e<"!anation7 e!a(oration an) )ifferent
"ac?aging of the fn)a*enta! "rinci"!es of the first creation#
-% re$iew of the sccess !iteratre (roght *e in contact with hn)re)s of
(oo?s on this s(Dect# A!thogh so*e *a)e e<tra$agant c!ai*s an) re!ie) on
anec)ota! rather than scientific e$i)ence7 I thin? that *ost of the *ateria! is
fn)a*enta!!% son)# The *aDorit% of it a""ears to ha$e origina!!% co*e ot
of the st)% of the Bi(!e (% *an% in)i$i)a!s#
In effecti$e "ersona! !ea)ershi"7 $isa!iCation an) affir*ation techniFes
e*erge natra!!% ot of a fon)ation of we!! thoght throgh "r"oses an)
"rinci"!es that (eco*e the center of a "erson@s !ife# The% are e<tre*e!%
"owerf! in rescri"ting an)
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
136
re"rogra**ing7 into writing )ee"!% co**itte),to "r"oses an) "rinci"!es
into one@s heart an) *in)# I (e!ie$e that centra! to a!! en)ring re!igions in
societ% are the sa*e "rinci"!es an) "ractices c!othe) in )ifferent !angageA
*e)itation7 "ra%er7 co$enants7 or)inances7 scri"tre st)%7 e*"ath%7
co*"assion7 an) *an% )ifferent for*s of the se of (oth conscience an)
i*agination#
Bt if these techniFes (eco*e "art of the Persona!it% Ethic an) are se$ere)
fro* a (ase of character an) "rinci"!es7 the% can (e *isse) an) a(se) in
ser$ing other centers7 "ri*ari!% the center of se!f#
Affir*ation an) $isa!iCation are for*s of "rogra**ing7 an) we *st (e
certain that we )o not s(*it orse!$es to an% "rogra**ing that is not in
har*on% with or (asic center or that co*es fro* sorces centere) on
*one%,*a?ing7 se!f interest7 or an%thing other than correct "rinci"!es#
The i*agination can (e se) to achie$e the f!eeting sccess that co*es when
a "erson is focse) on *ateria! gain or on Gwhat@s in it for *e#G Bt I (e!ie$e
the higher se of i*agination is in har*on% with the se of conscience to
transcen) se!f an) create a !ife of contri(tion (ase) on niFe "r"ose an)
on the "rinci"!es that go$ern inter)e"en)ent rea!it%#
I)entif%ing Ro!es an) Goa!s
Of corse7 the !ogica!5$er(a! !eft (rain (eco*es i*"ortant a!so as %o
atte*"t to ca"tre %or right (rain i*ages7 fee!ings7 an) "ictres in the
wor)s of a written *ission state*ent# >st as (reathing e<ercises he!"
integrate (o)% an) *in)7 writing is a ?in) of "s%cho,nera! *sc!ar
acti$it% which he!"s (ri)ge an) integrate the conscios an) s(conscios
*in)s# 0riting )isti!!s7 cr%sta!!iCes7 an) c!arifies thoght an) he!"s (rea? the
who!e into "arts#
0e each ha$e a n*(er of )ifferent ro!es in or !i$esA)ifferent areas or
ca"acities in which we ha$e res"onsi(i!it%# I *a%7 for e<a*"!e7 ha$e a ro!e
as an in)i$i)a!7 a hs(an)7 a father7 a teacher7 a chrch *e*(er7 an) a
(siness*an# An) each of these ro!es is i*"ortant#
One of the *aDor "ro(!e*s that arises when "eo"!e wor? to (eco*e *ore
effecti$e in !ife is that the% )on@t thin? (roa)!% enogh# The% !ose the sense
of "ro"ortion7 the (a!ance7 the natra! eco!og% necessar% to effecti$e !i$ing#
The% *a% get cons*e) (%
138 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
wor? an) neg!ect "ersona! hea!th# In the na*e of "rofessiona! sccess7 the%
*a% neg!ect the *ost "recios re!ationshi"s in their !i$es#
Yo *a% fin) that %or *ission state*ent wi!! (e *ch *ore (a!ance)7
*ch easier to wor? with7 if %o (rea? it )own into the s"ecific ro!e areas of
%or !ife an) the goa!s %o want to acco*"!ish in each area# Loo? at %or
"rofessiona! ro!e# Yo *ight (e a sa!es"erson7 or a *anager7 or a "ro)ct
)e$e!o"er# 0hat are %o a(ot in that areaB 0hat are the $a!es that sho!)
gi)e %oB Thin? of %or "ersona! ro!esAhs(an)7 wife7 father7 *other7
neigh(or7 frien)# 0hat are %o a(ot in those ro!esB 0hat@s i*"ortant to
%oB Thin? of co**nit% ro!esAthe "o!itica! area7 "(!ic ser$ice7 $o!nteer
organiCations#
One e<ecti$e has se) the i)ea of ro!es an) goa!s to create the fo!!owing
*ission state*entL
-% *ission is to !i$e with integrit% an) to *a?e a )ifference in the !i$es of
others#
To f!fi!! this *issionL
I ha$e charit%L I see? ot an) !o$e the oneAeach oneAregar)!ess of
his sitation#
I sacrificeL I )e$ote *% ti*e7 ta!ents7 an) resorces to *% *ission# I ins"ireL
I teach (% e<a*"!e that we are a!! chi!)ren of a !o$ing
Hea$en!% Father an) that e$er% Go!iath can (e o$erco*e# I a* i*"actf!L
0hat I )o *a?es a )ifference in the !i$es of others#
These ro!es ta?e "riorit% in achie$ing *% *issionL
Hs(an)A*% "artner is the *ost i*"ortant "erson in *% !ife#
Together we contri(te the frits of har*on%7 in)str%7 charit%7 an) thrift#
FatherAI he!" *% chi!)ren e<"erience "rogressi$e!% greater Do% in their
!i$es#
Son5BrotherAI a* freFent!% GthereG for s""ort an) !o$e# ChristianAGo)
can cont on *e to ?ee" *% co$enants an) to ser$e his other chi!)ren#
Neigh(orAThe !o$e of Christ is $isi(!e throgh *% actions towar) others#
Change AgentAI a* a cata!%st for )e$e!o"ing high "erfor*ance in !arge
organiCations# Scho!arAI !earn i*"ortant new things e$er% )a%#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 13:
0riting %or *ission in ter*s of the i*"ortant ro!es in %or !ife gi$es %o
(a!ance an) har*on%# It ?ee"s each ro!e c!ear!% (efore %o# Yo can re$iew
%or ro!es freFent!% to *a?e sre that %o )on@t get tota!!% a(sor(e) (% one
ro!e to the e<c!sion of others that are eFa!!% or e$en *ore i*"ortant in
%or !ife#
After %o i)entif% %or $arios ro!es7 then %o can thin? a(ot the !ong,ter*
goa!s %o want to acco*"!ish in each of those ro!es# 0e@re into the right
(rain again7 sing i*agination7 creati$it%7 conscience7 an) ins"iration# If
these goa!s are the e<tension of a *ission state*ent (ase) on correct
"rinci"!es7 the% wi!! (e $ita!!% )ifferent fro* the goa!s "eo"!e nor*a!!% set#
The% wi!! (e in har*on% with correct "rinci"!es7 with natra! !aws7 which
gi$es %o greater "ower to achie$e the*# The% are not so*eone e!se@s goa!s
%o ha$e a(sor(e)# The% are %or goa!s# The% ref!ect %or )ee"est $a!es7
%or niFe ta!ent7 %or sense of *ission# An) the% grow ot of %or chosen
ro!es in !ife#
An effecti$e goa! focses "ri*ari!% on res!ts rather than acti$it%# It
i)entifies where %o want to (e7 an)7 in the "rocess7 he!"s %o )eter*ine
where %o are# It gi$es %o i*"ortant infor*ation on how to get there7 an) it
te!!s %o when %o ha$e arri$e)# It nifies %or efforts an) energ%# It gi$es
*eaning an) "r"ose to a!! %o )o An) it can fina!!% trans!ate itse!f into
)ai!% acti$ities so that %o are "roacti$e7 %o are in charge of %or !ife7 %o
are *a?ing ha""en each )a% the things that wi!! ena(!e %o to f!fi!! %or
"ersona! *ission state*ent#
Ro!es an) goa!s gi$e strctre an) organiCe) )irection to %or "ersona!
*ission# If %o )on@t %et ha$e a "ersona! *ission state*ent7 it@s a goo) "!ace
to (egin# >st i)entif%ing the $arios areas of %or !ife an) the two or three
i*"ortant res!ts %o fee! %o sho!) acco*"!ish in each area to *o$e ahea)
gi$es %o an o$era!! "ers"ecti$e of %or !ife an) a sense of )irection#
As we *o$e into Ha(it 37 we@!! go into greater )e"th in the area of short,
ter* goa!s# The i*"ortant a""!ication at this "oint is to i)entif% ro!es an)
!ong,ter* goa!s as the% re!ate to %or "ersona! *ission state*ent# These
ro!es an) goa!s wi!! "ro$i)e the fon)ation for effecti$e goa! setting an)
achie$ing when we get to the Ha(it 3 )a%,to,)a% *anage*ent of !ife an)
ti*e#
Fa*i!% -ission State*ents
Becase Ha(it 2 is (ase) on "rinci"!e7 it has (roa) a""!ication# In a))ition to
in)i$i)a!s7 fa*i!ies7 ser$ice gro"s7 an) organiCations
13I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
of a!! ?in)s (eco*e significant!% *ore effecti$e as the% (egin with the en)
in *in)#
-an% fa*i!ies are *anage) on the (asis of crises7 *oo)s7 Fic? fi<es7 an)
instant gratificationAnot on son) "rinci"!es# S%*"to*s srface whene$er
stress an) "ressre *ontL "eo"!e (eco*e c%nica!7 critica!7 or si!ent or the%
start %e!!ing an) o$erreacting# Chi!)ren who o(ser$e these ?in)s of (eha$ior
grow " thin?ing the on!% wa% to so!$e "ro(!e*s is f!ight or fight#
The core of an% fa*i!% is what is change!ess7 what is a!wa%s going to (e
thereAshare) $ision an) $a!es# B% writing a fa*i!% *ission state*ent7 %o
gi$e e<"ression to its tre fon)ation#
This *ission state*ent (eco*es its constittion7 the stan)ar)7 the criterion
for e$a!ation an) )ecision *a?ing# It gi$es continit% an) nit% to the
fa*i!% as we!! as )irection# 0hen in)i$i)a! $a!es are har*oniCe) with
those of the fa*i!%7 *e*(ers wor? together for co**on "r"oses that are
)ee"!% fe!t#
Again7 the "rocess is as i*"ortant as the "ro)ct# The $er% "rocess of
writing an) refining a *ission state*ent (eco*es a ?e% wa% to i*"ro$e the
fa*i!%# 0or?ing together to create a *ission state*ent (i!)s the PC
ca"acit% to !i$e it#
B% getting in"t fro* e$er% fa*i!% *e*(er7 )rafting a state*ent7 getting
fee)(ac?7 re$ising it7 an) sing wor)ing fro* )ifferent fa*i!% *e*(ers7 %o
get the fa*i!% ta!?ing7 co**nicating7 on things that rea!!% *atter )ee"!%#
The (est *ission state*ents are the res!t of fa*i!% *e*(ers co*ing
together in a s"irit of *ta! res"ect7 e<"ressing their )ifferent $iews7 an)
wor?ing together to create so*ething greater than an% one in)i$i)a! co!)
)o a!one# Perio)ic re$iew to e<"an) "ers"ecti$e7 shift e*"hasis or )irection7
a*en) or gi$e new *eaning to ti*e,worn "hrases can ?ee" the fa*i!%
nite) in co**on $a!es an) "r"oses#
The *ission state*ent (eco*es the fra*ewor? for thin?ing7 for go$erning
the fa*i!%# 0hen the "ro(!e*s an) crises co*e7 the constittion is there to
re*in) fa*i!% *e*(ers of the things that *atter *ost an) to "ro$i)e
)irection for "ro(!e* so!$ing an) )ecision *a?ing (ase) on correct
"rinci"!es#
In or ho*e7 we "t or *ission state*ent " on a wa!! in the fa*i!% roo*
so that we can !oo? at it an) *onitor orse!$es )ai!%#
0hen we rea) the "hrases a(ot the son)s of !o$e in or ho*e7 or)er7
res"onsi(!e in)e"en)ence7 coo"eration7 he!"f!ness7 *eeting nee)s7
)e$e!o"ing ta!ents7 showing interest in each other=s ta!ents7 an) gi$ing
ser$ice to others it gi$es so*e criteria to
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN& 13K
?now how we@re )oing in the things that *atter *ost to s as a fa*i!%#
0hen we "!an or fa*i!% goa!s an) acti$ities7 we sa%7 GIn !ight of these
"rinci"!es7 what are the goa!s we@re going to wor? onB 0hat are or action
"!ans to acco*"!ish or goa!s an) acta!iCe these $a!esBG
0e re$iew the state*ent freFent!% an) rewor? goa!s an) Do(s twice a %ear7
in Se"te*(er an) >neAthe (eginning of schoo! an) the en) of schoo!Ato
ref!ect the sitation as it is7 to i*"ro$e it7 to strengthen it# It renews s7 it
reco**its s to what we (e!ie$e in7 what we stan) for#
OrganiCationa! -ission State*ents
-ission state*ents are a!so $ita! to sccessf! organiCations# One of the
*ost i*"ortant thrsts of *% wor? with organiCations is to assist the* in
)e$e!o"ing effecti$e *ission state*ents# An) to (e effecti$e7 that state*ent
has to co*e fro* within the (owe!s of the organiCation# E$er%one sho!)
"artici"ate in a *eaningf! wa%Anot Dst the to" strateg% "!anners7 (t
e$er%one# Once again7 the in$o!$e*ent "rocess is as i*"ortant as the written
"ro)ct an) is the ?e% to its se#
1 a* a!wa%s intrige) whene$er I go to IB- an) watch the training "rocess
there# Ti*e an) ti*e again7 I see the !ea)ershi" of the organiCation co*e
into a gro" an) sa% that IB- stan)s for three things7 the )ignit% of the
in)i$i)a!7 e<ce!!ence7 an) ser$ice#
These things re"resent the (e!ief s%ste* of IB-# E$er%thing e!se wi!!
change7 (t these three things wi!! not change# A!*ost !i?e os*osis7 this
(e!ief s%ste* has s"rea) throghot the entire organiCation7 "ro$i)ing a
tre*en)os (ase of share) $a!es an) "ersona! secrit% for e$er%one who
wor?s there#
Once I was training a gro" of "eo"!e for IB- in New Yor?# It was a s*a!!
gro"7 a(ot twent% "eo"!e7 an) one of the* (eca*e i!!# He ca!!e) his wife
in Ca!ifornia7 who e<"resse) concern (ecase his i!!ness sFire) s"ecia!
treat*ent# The IB- "eo"!e res"onsi(!e for the training session arrange) to
ha$e hi* ta?en to an e<ce!!ent hos"ita! with *e)ica! s"ecia!ists in the
)isease# Bt the% co!) sense that his wife was ncertain an) rea!!% wante)
hi* ho*e where their "ersona! "h%sician co!) han)!e the "ro(!e*#
So the% )eci)e) to get hi* ho*e# Concerne) a(ot the ti*e
14J
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
in$o!$e) in )ri$ing hi* to the air"ort an) waiting for a co**ercia! "!ane7
the% (roght in a he!ico"ter7 f!ew hi* to the air"ort7 an) hire) a s"ecia!
"!ane Dst to ta?e this *an to Ca!ifornia#
I )on@t ?now what costs that in$o!$e)E *% gess wo!) (e *an% thosan)s
of )o!!ars# Bt IB- (e!ie$es in the )ignit% of the in)i$i)a!# That@s what the
co*"an% stan)s for# To those "resent7 that e<"erience re"resente) its (e!ief
s%ste* an) was no sr"rise# I was i*"resse)#
At another ti*e7 I was sche)!e) to train 1:6 sho""ing center *anagers at a
"artic!ar hote!# I was a*aCe) at the !e$e! of ser$ice there# It wasn@t a
cos*etic thing# It was e$i)ent at a!! !e$e!s7 s"ontaneos!%7 withot
s"er$ision#
I arri$e) Fite !ate7 chec?e) in7 an) as?e) if roo* ser$ice were a$ai!a(!e#
The *an at the )es? sai)7 GNo7 -r# Co$e%7 (t if %o@re intereste)7 I co!)
go (ac? an) get a san)wich or a sa!a) or whate$er %o@) !i?e that we ha$e in
the ?itchen#G His attit)e was one of tota! concern a(ot *% co*fort an)
we!fare# G0o!) %o !i?e to see %or con$ention roo*BG he contine)# G&o
%o ha$e e$er%thing %o nee)B 0hat can I )o for %oB I@* here to ser$e
%o#G
There was no s"er$isor there chec?ing "# This *an was sincere#
The ne<t )a% I was in the *i))!e of a "resentation when I )isco$ere) that I
)i)n@t ha$e a!! the co!ore) *ar?ers I nee)e)# So I went ot into the ha!!
)ring the (rief (rea? an) fon) a (e!!(o% rnning to another con$ention#
GI@$e got a "ro(!e*7G I sai)# GI@* here training a gro" of *anagers an) I
on!% ha$e a short (rea?# I nee) so*e *ore co!ore) "ens#G
He whi""e) aron) an) a!*ost ca*e to attention# He g!ance) at *% na*e
tag an) sai)7 G-r# Co$e%7 I wi!! so!$e %or "ro(!e*#G
He )i)n@t sa%7 GI )on@t ?now where to goG or G0e!!7 go an) chec? at the front
)es?#G He Dst too? care of it# An) he *a)e *e fee! !i?e it was his "ri$i!ege
to )o so#
Later7 I was in the si)e !o((%7 !oo?ing at so*e of the art o(Dects# So*eone
fro* the hote! ca*e " to *e an) sai)7 G-r# Co$e%7 wo!) %o !i?e to see a
(oo? that )escri(es the art o(Dects in this hote!BG How antici"ator%H How
ser$ice,oriente)H
I ne<t o(ser$e) one of the e*"!o%ees high " on a !a))er c!eaning win)ows
in the !o((%# Fro* his $antage "oint he saw a wo*an ha$ing a !itt!e
)iffic!t% in the gar)en with a wa!?er# She
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
141
ha)n@t rea!!% fa!!en7 an) she was with other "eo"!e# Bt he c!i*(e) )own
that !a))er7 went otsi)e7 he!"e) the wo*an into the !o((% an) saw that she
was "ro"er!% ta?en care of# Then he went (ac? an) finishe) c!eaning the
win)ows#
I wante) to fin) ot how this organiCation ha) create) a c!tre where
"eo"!e (oght so )ee"!% into the $a!e of csto*er ser$ice# I inter$iewe)
hose?ee"ers7 waitresses7 (e!!(o%s in that hote! an) fon) that this attit)e
ha) i*"regnate) the *in)s7 hearts7 an) attit)es of e$er% e*"!o%ee there#
I went throgh the (ac? )oor into the ?itchen7 where I saw the centra! $a!eL
G.nco*"ro*ising "ersona!iCe) ser$ice#G I fina!!% went to the *anager an)
sai)7 G-% (siness is he!"ing organiCations )e$e!o" a "owerf! tea*
character7 a tea* c!tre# I a* a*aCe) at what %o ha$e here#G
G&o %o want to ?now the rea! ?e%BG he inFire)# He "!!e) ot the *ission
state*ent for the hote! chain#
After rea)ing it7 I ac?now!e)ge)7 GThat@s an i*"ressi$e state*ent# Bt I
?now *an% co*"anies that ha$e i*"ressi$e *ission state*ents#G
G&o %o want to see the one for this hote!BG he as?e)#
G&o %o *ean %o )e$e!o"e) one Dst for this hote!BG
GYes#G
G&ifferent fro* the one for the hote! chainBG
GYes# It@s in har*on% with that state*ent7 (t this one "ertains to or
sitation7 or en$iron*ent7 or ti*e#G He han)e) *e another "a"er#
G0ho )e$e!o"e) this *ission state*entBG I as?e)#
GE$er%(o)%7G he re"!ie)#
GE$er%(o)%B Rea!!%7 e$er%(o)%BG
,GYes#G
GHose?ee"ersBG
GYes#G
G0aitressesBG
GYes#G
G&es? c!er?sBG
GYes# &o %o want to see the *ission state*ent written (% the "eo"!e who
greete) %o !ast nightBG He "!!e) ot a *ission state*ent that the%7
the*se!$es7 ha) written that $as interwo$en with a!! the other *ission
state*ents# E$er%one7 at e$er% !e$e!7 was in$o!$e)#
The *ission state*ent for that hote! was the h( of a great
142 THE SEVEN HAB>TS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
whee!# It s"awne) the thoghtf!7 *ore s"ecia!iCe) *ission state*ents of
"artic!ar gro"s of e*"!o%ees# It was se) as the criterion for e$er%
)ecision that was *a)e# It c!arifie) what those "eo"!e stoo) forAhow the%
re!ate) to the csto*er7 how the% re!ate) to each other# It affecte) the st%!e
of the *anagers an) the !ea)ers# It affecte) the co*"ensation s%ste*# It
affecte) the ?in) of "eo"!e the% recrite) an) how the% traine) an)
)e$e!o"e) the*# E$er% as"ect of that organiCation7 essentia!!%7 was a
fnction of that h( that *ission state*ent#
I !ater $isite) another hote! in the sa*e chain7 an) the first thing I )i) when I
chec?e) in was to as? to see their *ission state*ent7 which the% "ro*"t!%
ga$e *e# At this hote!7 I ca*e to n)erstan) the *otto G.nco*"ro*ising
"ersona!iCe) ser$iceG a !itt!e *ore#
For a three,)a% "erio)7 I watche) e$er% concei$a(!e sitation where ser$ice
was ca!!e) for# I a!wa%s fon) that ser$ice was )e!i$ere) in a $er%
i*"ressi$e7 e<ce!!ent wa%# Bt it was a!wa%s a!so $er% "ersona!iCe)# For
instance7 in the swi**ing area I as?e) the atten)ant where the )rin?ing
fontain was# He wa!?e) *e to it#
Bt the thing that i*"resse) *e the $er% *ost was to see an e*"!o%ee7 on
his own7 a)*it a *ista?e to his (oss# 0e or)ere) roo* ser$ice7 an) were
to!) when it wo!) (e )e!i$ere) to the roo*# On the wa% to or roo*7 the
roo* ser$ice "erson s"i!!e) the hot choco!ate7 an) it too? a few e<tra
*intes to go (ac? an) change the !inen on the tra% an) re"!ace the )rin?# So
the roo* ser$ice was a(ot fifteen *intes !ate7 which was rea!!% not that
i*"ortant to s#
Ne$erthe!ess7 the ne<t *orning the roo* ser$ice *anager "hone) s to
a"o!ogiCe an) in$ite) s to ha$e either the (ffet (rea?fast or a roo* ser$ice
(rea?fast7 co*"!i*ents of the hote!7 to in so*e wa% co*"ensate for the
incon$enience#
0hat )oes it sa% a(ot the c!tre of an organiCation when an e*"!o%ee
a)*its his own *ista?e7 n?nown to an%one e!se7 to the *anager so that
csto*er or gest is (etter ta?en care ofH
As I to!) the *anager of the first hote! I $isite)7 I ?now a !ot of co*"anies
with i*"ressi$e *ission state*ents# Bt there is a rea! )ifference7 a!! the
)ifference in the wor!)7 in the effecti$eness of a *ission state*ent create)
(% e$er%one in$o!$e) in the organiCation an) one written (% a few to"
e<ecti$es (ehin) a *ahogan% wa!!#
HABIT 2 BEGIN 0ITH THE EN& IN -IN&
143
One of the fn)a*enta! "ro(!e*s in organiCations7 inc!)ing fa*i!ies7 is that
"eo"!e are not co**itte) to the )eter*inations of other "eo"!e for their
!i$es# The% si*"!% )on@t (% into the*#
-an% ti*es as I wor? with organiCations7 I fin) "eo"!e whose goa!s are
tota!!% )ifferent fro* the goa!s of the enter"rise# I co**on!% fin) rewar)
s%ste*s co*"!ete!% ot of a!ign*ent with state) $a!e s%ste*s#
0hen I (egin wor? with co*"anies that ha$e a!rea)% )e$e!o"e) so*e ?in)
of *ission state*ent7 I as? the*7 GHow *an% of the "eo"!e here ?now that
%o ha$e a *ission state*entB How *an% of %o ?now what it containsB
How *an% were in$o!$e) in creating itB How *an% rea!!% (% into it an)
se it as %or fra*e of reference in *a?ing )ecisionsBG
0ithot in$o!$e*ent7 there is no co**it*ent# -ar? it )own7 asteris? it7
circ!e it7 n)er!ine it# No in$o!$e*ent7 no co**it*ent#
Now7 in the ear!% stagesAwhen a "erson is new to an organiCation or when
a chi!) in the fa*i!% is %ongA%o can "rett% we!! gi$e the* a goa! an)
the%@!! (% it7 "artic!ar!% if the re!ationshi"7 orientation7 an) training are
goo)#
Bt when "eo"!e (eco*e *ore *atre an) their own !i$es ta?e on a se"arate
*eaning7 the% want in$o!$e*ent7 significant in$o!$e*ent# An) if the% )on@t
ha$e that in$o!$e*ent7 the% )on@t (% it# Then %o ha$e a significant
*oti$ationa! "ro(!e* which cannot (e so!$e) at the sa*e !e$e! of thin?ing
that create) it#
That@s wh% creating an organiCationa! *ission state*ent ta?es ti*e7
"atience7 in$o!$e*ent7 s?i!!7 an) e*"ath%# Again7 it@s not a Fic? fi<# It ta?es
ti*e an) sincerit%7 correct "rinci"!es7 an) the corage an) integrit% to a!ign
s%ste*s7 strctre7 an) *anage*ent st%!e to the share) $ision an) $a!es#
Bt it@s (ase) on correct "rinci"!es an) it wor?s#
An organiCationa! *ission state*entAone that tr!% ref!ects the )ee" share)
$ision an) $a!es of e$er%one within that organiCationAcreates a great nit%
an) tre*en)os co**it*ent# It creates in "eo"!e@s hearts an) *in)s a fra*e
of reference7 a set of criteria or gi)e!ines7 (% which the% wi!! go$ern
the*se!$es# The% )on@t nee) so*eone e!se )irecting7 contro!!ing7 criticiCing7
or ta?ing chea" shots# The% ha$e (oght into the change!ess core of what the
organiCation is a(ot#
144 THE SEVEN HANTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PE.D,!U#
A""!ication Sggestions
1# Ta?e the ti*e to recor) the i*"ressions %o ha) in the fnera!
$isa!iCation at the (eginning of this cha"ter# Yo *a% want to se the chart
(e!ow to organiCe %or thoghts#
Area of Acti$it% Character Contri(tions Achie$e*ents
Fa*i!%
Frien)s
0or?
Chrch5Co**ni
t% Ser$ice7 etc#
2# Ta?e a few *o*ents an) write )own %or ro!es as %o now see the*#
Are %o satisfie) with that *irror i*age of %or !ifeB
3# Set " ti*e to co*"!ete!% se"arate %orse!f fro* )ai!% acti$ities an) to
(egin wor? on %or "ersona! *ission state*ent#
4# Go throgh the chart in A""en)i< A showing )ifferent centers an) circ!e
a!! those %o can i)entif% with# &o the% for* a "attern for the (eha$ior in
%or !ifeB Are %o co*forta(!e with the i*"!ications of %or ana!%sisB
6# Start a co!!ection of notes7 Fotes7 an) i)eas %o *a% want to se as
resorce *ateria! in writing %or "ersona! *ission state*ent#
8# I)entif% a "roDect %o wi!! (e facing in the near ftre an) a""!% the
"rinci"!e of *enta! creation# 0rite )own the res!ts %o )esire an) what
ste"s wi!! !ea) to those res!ts#
:# Share the "rinci"!es of Ha(it 2 with %or fa*i!% or wor? gro" an)
sggest that together %o (egin the "rocess of )e$e!o"ing a fa*i!% or gro"
*ission state*ent#
Ha(it 3
Pt First Things First
Princi"!es of Persona! -anage*ent
Things which *atter *ost
*st ne$er (e at the *erc% of things which *atter !east#
Goethe
0i!! %o ta?e Dst a *o*ent an) write )own a short answer to the fo!!owing
two FestionsB Yor answers wi!! (e i*"ortant to %o as %o (egin wor? on
Ha(it 3#
Xestion 1L 0hat one thing co!) %o )o M%o aren@t )oing nowN that if %o
)i) on a reg!ar (asis7 wo!) *a?e a tre*en)os "ositi$e )ifference in %or
"ersona! !ifeB
Xestion 2L 0hat one thing in %or (siness or "rofessiona! !ife wo!) (ring
si*i!ar res!tsB
0e@!! co*e (ac? to these answers !ater# Bt first7 !et@s "t Ha(it 3 in
"ers"ecti$e#
Ha(it 3 is the "ersona! frit7 the "ractica! f!fi!!*ent of Ha(its 1 an) 2#
Ha(it 1 sa%s7 GYo@re the creator# Yo are in charge#G It=s (ase) on the for
niFe h*an en)ow*ents of i*agination7 conscience7 in)e"en)ent wi!!7
an)7 "artic!ar!%7 se!f,awareness# It e*"owers %o to sa%7 GThat@s an
nhea!th% "rogra* I=$e (een gi$en fro* *% chi!)hoo)7 fro* *% socia!
*irror# I )on@t !i?e that ineffecti$e scri"t# I can change#G
Ha(it 2 is the first or *enta! creation# It@s (ase) on i*aginationA
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
14:
the a(i!it% to en$ision7 to see the "otentia!7 to create with or *in)s what we
cannot at "resent see with or e%esE an) conscienceAthe a(i!it% to )etect or
own niFeness an) the "ersona!7 *ora!7 an) ethica! gi)e!ines within which
we can *ost ha""i!% f!fi!! it# It@s the )ee" contact with or (asic "ara)ig*s
an) $a!es an) the $ision of what we can (eco*e#
Ha(it 37 then7 is the secon) creation7 the "h%sica! creation# It@s the
f!fi!!*ent7 the acta!iCation7 the natra! e*ergence of Ha(its 1 an) 2# It@s
the e<ercise of in)e"en)ent wi!! towar) (eco*ing "rinci"!e,centere)# It@s the
)a%,in7 )a%,ot7 *o*ent,(%,*o*ent )oing it#
Ha(its 1 an) 2 are a(so!te!% essentia! an) "rereFisite to Ha(it 3# Yo can@t
(eco*e "rinci"!e,centere) withot first (eing aware of an) )e$e!o"ing %or
own "roacti$e natre# Yo can@t (eco*e "rinci"!e,centere) withot first
(eing aware of %or "ara)ig*s an) n)erstan)ing how to shift the* an)
a!ign the* with "rinci"!es# Yo can@t (eco*e "rinci"!e,centere) withot a
$ision of an) a focs on the niFe contri(tion that is %ors to *a?e#
Bt with that fon)ation7 %o can (eco*e "rinci"!e,centere)7 )a%,in an)
)a%,ot7 *o*ent,(%,*o*ent7 (% !i$ing Ha(it 3A(% "racticing effecti$e
se!f,*anage*ent#
-anage*ent7 re*e*(er7 is c!ear!% )ifferent fro* !ea)ershi"# Lea)ershi" is
"ri*ari!% a high,"owere)7 right (rain acti$it%# It@s *ore of an artE it@s (ase)
on a "hi!oso"h%# Yo ha$e to as? the !ti*ate Festions of !ife when %o@re
)ea!ing with "ersona! !ea)ershi" isses#
Bt once %o ha$e )ea!t with those isses7 once %o ha$e reso!$e) the*7
%o then ha$e to *anage %orse!f effecti$e!% to create a !ife congrent with
%or answers# The a(i!it% to *anage we!! )oesn@t *a?e *ch )ifference if
%o@re not e$en in the Gright Dng!e#G Bt if %o are in the right Dng!e7 it
*a?es a!! the )ifference# In fact7 the a(i!it% to *anage we!! )eter*ines the
Fa!it% an) e$en the e<istence of the secon) creation# -anage*ent is the
(rea?ing )own7 the ana!%sis7 the seFencing7 the s"ecific a""!ication7 the
ti*e,(on) !eft,(rain as"ect of effecti$e se!f,go$ern*ent# -% own *a<i*
of "ersona! effecti$eness is thisL -anage fro* the !eftE !ea) fro* the right#
The Power of In)e"en)ent 0i!!
In a))ition to se!f,awareness7 i*agination7 an) conscience7 it is the forth
h*an en)ow*entAin)e"en)ent wi!!Athat rea!!% *a?es
14I
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
effecti$e se!f,*anage*ent "ossi(!e# It is the a(i!it% to *a?e )ecisions an)
choices an) to act in accor)ance with the*# It is the a(i!it% to act rather than
to (e acte) "on7 to "roacti$e!% carr% ot the "rogra* we ha$e )e$e!o"e)
throgh the other three en)ow*ents#
The h*an wi!! is an a*aCing thing# Ti*e after ti*e7 it has tri*"he)
against n(e!ie$a(!e o))s# The He!en 'e!!ers of this wor!) gi$e )ra*atic
e$i)ence to the $a!e7 the "ower of the in)e"en)ent wi!!#
Bt as we e<a*ine this en)ow*ent in the conte<t of effecti$e se!f,
*anage*ent7 we rea!iCe it@s sa!!% not the )ra*atic7 the $isi(!e7 the once,
in,a,!ifeti*e7 ",(%,the,(ootstra"s effort that (rings en)ring sccess#
E*"ower*ent co*es fro* !earning how to se this great en)ow*ent in the
)ecisions we *a?e e$er% )a%#
The )egree to which we ha$e )e$e!o"e) or in)e"en)ent wi!! in or
e$er%)a% !i$es is *easre) (% or "ersona! integrit%# Integrit% is7
fn)a*enta!!%7 the $a!e we "!ace on orse!$es# It=s or a(i!it% to *a?e an)
?ee" co**it*ents to orse!$es7 to Gwa!? or ta!?#G It@s honor with se!f7 a
fn)a*enta! "art of the Character Ethic7 the essence of "roacti$e growth#
Effecti$e *anage*ent is "tting first things first# 0hi!e !ea)ershi" )eci)es
what Gfirst thingsG are7 it is *anage*ent that "ts the* first7 )a%,(%,)a%7
*o*ent,(%,*o*ent# -anage*ent is )isci"!ine7 carr%ing it ot#
&isci"!ine )eri$es fro* )isci"!eA)isci"!e to a "hi!oso"h%7 )isci"!e to a set
of "rinci"!es7 )isci"!e to a set of $a!es7 )isci"!e to an o$erri)ing "r"ose7 to
a s"er or)inate goa! or a "erson who re"resents that goa!#
In other wor)s7 if %o are an effecti$e *anager of %or se!f7 %or )isci"!ine
co*es fro* withinE it is a fnction of %or in)e"en)ent wi!!# Yo are a
)isci"!e7 a fo!!ower7 of %or own )ee" $a!es an) their sorce# An) %o ha$e
the wi!!7 the integrit%7 to s(or)inate %or fee!ings7 %or i*"!ses7 %or
*oo)s to those $a!es#
One of *% fa$orite essa%s is GThe Co**on &eno*inator of sccess7G
written (% E# -# Gra%# He s"ent his !ife searching for the one )eno*inator
that a!! sccessf! "eo"!e share# He fon) it wasn@t har) wor?7 goo) !c?7 or
astte h*an re!ations7 thogh those were a!! i*"ortant# The one factor that
see*e) to transcen) a!! the rest e*(o)ies the essence of Ha(it 3A"tting
first things first#
GThe sccessf! "erson has the ha(it of )oing the things fai!res
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
14K
)on@t !i?e to )o7G he o(ser$e)# GThe% )on@t !i?e )oing the* either
necessari!%# Bt their )is!i?ing is s(or)inate) to the strength of their
"r"ose#G
That s(or)ination reFires a "r"ose7 a *ission7 a Ha(it 2 c!ear sense of
)irection an) $a!e7 a (rning G%esHG insi)e that *a?es it "ossi(!e to sa%
GnoG to other things# It a!so reFires in)e"en)ent wi!!7 the "ower to )o
so*ething when %o )on@t want to )o it7 to (e a fnction of %or $a!es
rather than a fnction of the i*"!se or )esire of an% gi$en *o*ent# It@s the
"ower to act with integrit% to %or "roacti$e first creation#
For Generations of Ti*e -anage*ent
In Ha(it 3 we are )ea!ing with *an% of the Festions a))resse) in the fie!)
of !ife an) ti*e *anage*ent# As a !ongti*e st)ent of this fascinating fie!)7
I a* "ersona!!% "ersa)e) that the essence of the (est thin?ing in the area of
ti*e *anage*ent can (e ca"tre) in a sing!e "hraseL OrganiCe an) e<ecte
aron) "riorities# That "hrase re"resents the e$o!tion of three generations
of ti*e *anage*ent theor%7 an) how to (est )o it is the focs of a wi)e
$ariet% of a""roaches an) *ateria!s#
Persona! *anage*ent has e$o!$e) in a "attern si*i!ar to *an% other areas of
h*an en)ea$or# -aDor )e$e!o"*enta! thrsts7 or Gwa$esG as A!$in Toff!er
ca!!s the*7 fo!!ow each other in sccession7 each a))ing a $ita! new
)i*ension# For e<a*"!e7 in socia! )e$e!o"*ent7 the agric!tra! re$o!tion
was fo!!owe) (% the in)stria! re$o!tion7 which was fo!!owe) (% the
infor*ationa! re$o!tion# Each sccee)ing wa$e create) a srge of socia!
an) "ersona! "rogress#
Li?ewise7 in the area of ti*e *anage*ent7 each generation (i!)s on the one
(efore itAeach one *o$es s towar) greater contro! of or !i$es# The first
wa$e or generation co!) (e characteriCe) (% notes an) chec?!ists7 an effort
to gi$e so*e se*(!ance of recognition an) inc!si$eness to the *an%
)e*an)s "!ace) on or ti*e an) energ%#
The secon) generation co!) (e characteriCe) (% ca!en)ars an) a""oint*ent
(oo?s# This wa$e ref!ects an atte*"t to !oo? ahea)7 to sche)!e e$ents an)
acti$ities in the ftre#
The thir) generation ref!ects the crrent ti*e *anage*ent fie!)# It a))s to
those "rece)ing generations the i*"ortant i)ea of "rioritiCation7 of c!arif%ing
$a!es7 an) of co*"aring the re!ati$e
16J
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
worth of acti$ities (ase) on their re!ationshi" to those $a!es# In a))ition7 it
focses on setting goa!sAs"ecific !ong,7 inter*e)iate,7 an) short,ter*
targets towar) which ti*e an) energ% wo!) (e )irecte) in har*on% with
$a!es# It a!so inc!)es the conce"t of )ai!% "!anning7 of *a?ing a s"ecific
"!an to acco*"!ish those goa!s an) acti$ities )eter*ine) to (e of greatest
worth#
0hi!e the thir) generation has *a)e a significant contri(tion7 "eo"!e ha$e
(egn to rea!iCe that GefficientG sche)!ing an) contro! of ti*e are often
conter"ro)cti$e# The efficienc% focs creates e<"ectations that c!ash with
the o""ortnities to )e$e!o" rich re!ationshi"s7 to *eet h*an nee)s7 an) to
enDo% s"ontaneos *o*ents on a )ai!% (asis#
As a res!t7 *an% "eo"!e ha$e (eco*e trne) off (% ti*e *anage*ent
"rogra*s an) "!anners that *a?e the* fee! too sche)!e)7 too restricte)7 an)
the% Gthrow the (a(% ot with the (ath water5@ re$erting to first or secon)
generation techniFes to "reser$e re!ationshi"s7 s"ontaneit%7 an) Fa!it% of
!ife#
Bt there is an e*erging forth generation that is )ifferent in ?in)# It
recogniCes that Gti*e *anage*entG is rea!!% a *isno*erA the cha!!enge is
not to *anage ti*e7 (t to *anage orse!$es# Satisfaction is a fnction of
e<"ectation as we!! as rea!iCation# An) e<"ectation Man) satisfactionN !ie in
or Circ!e of Inf!ence#
B!ather than focsing on things an) ti*e7 forth generation e<"ectations
focs on "reser$ing an) enhancing re!ationshi"s an) on acco*"!ishing
res!tsAin short7 on *aintaining the P5PC Ba!ance#
X.A&RANT II
The essentia! focs of the forth generation of *anage*ent can (e ca"tre)
in the ti*e *anage*ent *atri< )iagra**e) on the ne<t "age# Basica!!%7 we
s"en) ti*e in one of for wa%s#
As %o can see7 the two factors that )efine an acti$it% are rgent an)
i*"ortant# .rgent *eans it reFires i**e)iate attention# It@s GNowHG .rgent
things act on s# A ringing "hone is rgent# -ost "eo"!e can@t stan) the
thoght of Dst a!!owing the "hone to ring#
Yo co!) s"en) hors "re"aring *ateria!s7 %o co!) get a!! )resse) " an)
tra$e! to a "erson@s office to )iscss a "artic!ar isse7 (t if the "hone were
to ring whi!e %o were there7 it wo!) genera!!% ta?e "rece)ence o$er %or
"ersona! $isit#
If %o were to "hone so*eone7 there aren@t *an% "eo"!e who

HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
161
MTHE TI-E -ANAGE-ENT -ATRI[
.rgent
I
ACTIVITIESL Crises Pressing "ro(!e*s &ea)!ine,)ri$en "roDects
III
ACTIVITIESL Interr"tions7 so*e ca!!s So*e *ai!7 so*e re"orts So*e
*eetings Pro<i*ate7 "ressing *atters Po"!ar acti$ities
Not .rgent
II
ACTIVITIES,#Pre$ention7 PC acti$ities Re!ationshi" (i!)ing RecogniCing
new o""ortnities P!anning7 recreation
IV
ACTIVITIESL Tri$ia7 (s% wor? So*e *ai! So*e "hone ca!!s Ti*e wasters
P!easant acti$ities#N

wo!) sa%7 GI@!! get to %o in 16 *intesE Dst ho!)#G Bt those sa*e "eo"!e
wo!) "ro(a(!% !et %o wait in an office for at !east that !ong whi!e the%
co*"!ete) a te!e"hone con$ersation with so*eone e!se#
.rgent *atters are sa!!% $isi(!e# The% "ress on sE the% insist on action#
The%@re often "o"!ar with others# The%@re sa!!% right in front of s# An)
often the% are "!easant7 eas%7 fn to )o# Bt so often the% are ni*"ortantH
I*"ortance7 on the other han)7 has to )o with res!ts# If so*ething is
i*"ortant7 it contri(tes to %or *ission7 %or $a!es7 %or high "riorit%
goa!s#
0e react to rgent *atters# I*"ortant *atters that are not rgent reFire
*ore initiati$e7 *ore "roacti$it%# 0e *st act to seiCe o""ortnit%7 to *a?e
things ha""en# If we )on@t "ractice Ha(it 27 if we )on@t ha$e a )ear i)ea of
what is i*"ortant7 of the res!ts we )esire in or !i$es7 we are easi!% )i$erte)
into res"on)ing to the rgent#
Loo? for a *o*ent at the !or Fa)rants in the ti*e *anage*ent
162
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
*atri<# Xa)rant I is (oth rgent an) i*"ortant# It )ea!s with significant
res!ts that reFire i**e)iate attention# 0e sa!!% ca!! the acti$ities in
Xa)rant I GcrisesG or G"ro(!e*s#G 0e a!! ha$e so*e Xa)rant I acti$ities in
or !i$es# Bt Xa)rant I cons*es *an% "eo"!e# The% are crisis *anagers7
"ro(!e*,*in)e) "eo"!e7 )ea)!ine,)ri$en "ro)cers#
As !ong as %o focs on Xa)rant I7 it ?ee"s getting (igger an) (igger nti!
it )o*inates %o# It@s !i?e the "on)ing srf# A hge "ro(!e* co*es an)
?noc?s %o )own an) %o@re wi"e) ot# Yo strgg!e (ac? " on!% to face
another one that ?noc?s %o )own an) s!a*s %o to the gron)#
So*e "eo"!e are !itera!!% (eaten " (% "ro(!e*s a!! )a% e$er% )a% The on!%
re!ief the% ha$e is in esca"ing to the not i*"ortant7 not rgent acti$ities of
Xa)rant IV# So when %o !oo? at their tota! *atri<7 KJ "ercent of their ti*e
is in Xa)rant I an) *ost of the re*aining 1J "ercent is in Xa)rant IV7
with on!% neg!igi(!e attention "ai) to Xa)rants II an) III# That@s how "eo"!e
who *anage their !i$es (% crisis !i$e#
There are other "eo"!e who s"en) a great )ea! of ti*e in Grgent7 (t not
i*"ortantG Xa)rant III7 thin?ing the%@re in Xa)rant I# The% s"en) *ost of
their ti*e reacting to things that are rgent7 ass*ing the% are a!so
i*"ortant# Bt the rea!it% is that the rgenc% of these *atters is often (ase)
on the "riorities an) e<"ectations of others#
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
163
Peo"!e who s"en) ti*e a!*ost e<c!si$e!% in Xa)rants III an) IV (asica!!%
!ea) irres"onsi(!e !i$es#
Effecti$e "eo"!e sta% ot of Xa)rants III an) IV (ecase7 rgent or not7
the% aren@t i*"ortant# The% a!so shrin? Xa)rant I )own to siCe (% s"en)ing
*ore ti*e in Xa)rant II#
Xa)rant II is the heart of effecti$e "ersona! *anage*ent# It )ea!s with
things that are not rgent7 (t are i*"ortant# It )ea!s
164 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
with things !i?e (i!)ing re!ationshi"s7 writing a "ersona! *ission state*ent7
!ong,range "!anning7 e<ercising7 "re$enti$e *aintenance7 "re"arationAa!!
those things we ?now we nee) to )o7 (t so*ehow se!)o* get aron) to
)oing7 (ecase the% aren@t rgent#
To "ara"hrase Peter &rc?er7 effecti$e "eo"!e are not "ro(!e*,*in)e)E
the%@re o""ortnit%,*in)e)# The% fee) o""ortnities an) star$e "ro(!e*s#
The% thin? "re$enti$e!%# The% ha$e genine Xa)rant I crises an)
e*ergencies that reFire their i**e)iate attention7 (t the n*(er is
co*"arati$e!% s*a!!# The% ?ee" P an) PC in (a!ance (% focsing on the
i*"ortant7 (t not rgent7 high !e$erage ca"acit%,(i!)ing acti$ities of
Xa)rant II#
0ith the ti*e *anage*ent *atri< in *in)7 ta?e a *o*ent now an) consi)er
how %o answere) the Festions at the (eginning of this cha"ter# 0hat
Fa)rant )o the% fit inB Are the% i*"ortantB Are the% rgentB
-% gess is that the% "ro(a(!% fit into Xa)rant II# The% are o($ios!%
i*"ortant7 )ee"!% i*"ortant7 (t not rgent# An) (ecase the% aren@t rgent7
%o )on@t )o the*#
Now !oo? again at the natre of those FestionsL 0hat one thing co!) %o
)o in %or "ersona! an) "rofessiona! !ife that7 if %o )i) on a reg!ar (asis7
wo!) *a?e a tre*en)os "ositi$e )ifference in %or !ifeB Xa)rant II
acti$ities ha$e that ?in) of i*"act# Or effecti$eness ta?es Fantn !ea"s
when we )o the*#
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
166
I as?e) a si*i!ar Festion to a gro" of sho""ing center *anagers# GIf %o
were to )o one thing in %or "rofessiona! wor? that %o ?now wo!) ha$e
enor*os!% "ositi$e effects on the res!ts7 what wo!) it (eBG Their
nani*os res"onse was to (i!) he!"f! "ersona! re!ationshi"s with the
tenants7 the owners of the stores insi)e the sho""ing center7 which is a
Xa)rant II acti$it%#
0e )i) an ana!%sis of the ti*e the% were s"en)ing on that acti$it%# It was
!ess than 6 "ercent# The% ha) goo) reasonsA "ro(!e*s7 one right after
another# The% ha) re"orts to *a?e ot7 *eetings to go to7 corres"on)ence to
answer7 "hone ca!!s to *a?e7 constant interr"tions# Xa)rant I ha)
cons*e) the*#
The% were s"en)ing $er% !itt!e ti*e with the store *anagers7 an) the ti*e
the% )i) s"en) was fi!!e) with negati$e energ%# The on!% reason the% $isite)
the store *anagers at a!! was to enforce the contractAto co!!ect the *one%
or )iscss a)$ertising or other "ractices that were ot of har*on% with
center gi)e!ines7 or so*e si*i!ar thing#
The store owners were strgg!ing for sr$i$a!7 !et a!one "ros"erit%# The% ha)
e*"!o%*ent "ro(!e*s7 cost "ro(!e*s7 in$entor% "ro(!e*s7 an) a host of
other "ro(!e*s# -ost of the* ha) no training in *anage*ent at a!!# So*e
were fair!% goo) *erchan)isers7 (t the% nee)e) he!"# The tenants )i)n@t
e$en want to see the sho""ing center ownersE the% were Dst one *ore
"ro(!e* to conten) with#
So the owners )eci)e) to (e "roacti$e# The% )eter*ine) their "r"ose7 their
$a!es7 their "riorities# In har*on% with those "riorities7 the% )eci)e) to
s"en) a(ot one,thir) of their ti*e in he!"ing re!ationshi"s with the tenants#
In wor?ing with that organiCation for a(ot a %ear an) a ha!f7 I saw the*
c!i*( to aron) 2J "ercent7 which re"resente) *ore than a forfo!) increase#
In a))ition7 the% change) their ro!e# The% (eca*e !isteners7 trainers7
cons!tants to the tenants# Their interchanges were fi!!e) with "ositi$e
energ%#
The effect was )ra*atic7 "rofon)# B% focsing on re!ationshi"s an) res!ts
rather than ti*e an) *etho)s7 the n*(ers went "7 the tenants were thri!!e)
with the res!ts create) (% new i)eas an) s?i!!s7 an) the sho""ing center
*anagers were *ore effecti$e an) satisfie) an) increase) their !ist of
"otentia! tenants an) !ease re$ene (ase) on increase) sa!es (% the tenant
stores# The% were no !onger "o!ice*en or ho$ering s"er$isors# The% were
"ro(!e* so!$ers7 he!"ers#
168
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
0hether %o are a st)ent at the ni$ersit%7 a wor?er in an asse*(!% !ine7 a
ho*e*a?er7 fashion )esigner7 or "resi)ent of a co*"an%7 I (e!ie$e that if
%o were to as? what !ies in Xa)rant LT an) c!ti$ate the "roacti$it% to go
after it7 %o wo!) fin) the sa*e res!ts# Yor effecti$eness wo!) increase
)ra*atica!!%# Yor crises an) "ro(!e*s wo!) shrin? to *anagea(!e
"ro"ortions (ecase %o wo!) (e thin?ing ahea)7 wor?ing on the roots7
)oing the "re$enti$e things that ?ee" sitations fro* )e$e!o"ing into crises
in the first "!ace# In ti*e *anage*ent Dargon7 this is ca!!e) the Pareto
Princi"!eAIJ "ercent of the res!ts f!ow ot of 2J "ercent of Uhe acti$ities#
0hat It Ta?es to Sa% GNoG
The on!% "!ace to get ti*e for Xa)rant II in the (eginning is fro*
Xa)rants III an) IV# Yo can@t ignore the rgent an) i*"ortant acti$ities of
Xa)rant I7 a!thogh it wi!! shrin? in siCe as %o s"en) *ore ti*e with
"re$ention an) "re"aration in Xa)rant II# Bt the initia! ti*e for Xa)rant
II has to co*e ot of III an) IV#
Yo ha$e to (e "roacti$e to wor? on Xa)rant II (ecase Xa)rants I an) III
wor? on %o# To sa% G%esG to i*"ortant Xa)rant II "riorities7 %o ha$e to
!earn to sa% GnoG to other acti$ities7 so*eti*es a""arent!% rgent things#
So*e ti*e ago7 *% wife was in$ite) to ser$e as chair*an of a co**ittee in
a co**nit% en)ea$or# She ha) a n*(er of tr!% i*"ortant things she was
tr%ing to wor? on7 an) she rea!!% )i)n@t want to )o it# Bt sheie!t "ressre)
into it an) fina!!% agree)#
Then she ca!!e) one of her )ear frien)s to as? if she wo!) ser$e on her
co**ittee# Her frien) !istene) for a !ong ti*e an) then sai)7 GSan)ra7 that
son)s !i?e a won)erf! "roDect7 a rea!!% worth% n)erta?ing# I a""reciate so
*ch %or in$iting *e to (e a "art of it# I fee! honore) (% it# For a n*(er
of reasons7 I won@t (e "artici"ating *%se!f7 (t I want %o to ?now how
*ch I a""reciate %or in$itation#G
San)ra was rea)% for an%thing (t a "!easant Gno#G She trne) to *e an)
sighe)7 GI wish I@) sai) that#G
I )on@t *ean to i*"!% that %o sho!)n@t (e in$o!$e) in significant ser$ice
"roDects# Those things are i*"ortant# Bt %o ha$e to )eci)e what %or
highest "riorities are an) ha$e the
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
16:
corageA"!easant!%7 s*i!ing!%7 nona"o!ogetica!!%Ato sa% GnoG to other
things# An) the wa% %o )o that is (% ha$ing a (igger G%esG (rning insi)e#
The ene*% of the G(estG is often the Ggoo)#G
'ee" in *in) that %o are a!wa%s sa%ing GnoG to so*ething# If it isn@t to the
a""arent7 rgent things in %or !ife7 it is "ro(a(!% to the *ore fn)a*enta!7
high!% i*"ortant things# E$en when the rgent is goo)7 the goo) can ?ee"
%o fro* %or (est7 ?ee" %o fro* %or niFe contri(tion7 if %o !et it#
0hen I was &irector of .ni$ersit% Re!ations at a !arge ni$ersit%7 I hire) a
$er% ta!ente)7 "roacti$e7 creati$e writer# One )a%7 after he ha) (een on the
Do( for a few *onths7 I went into his office an) as?e) hi* to wor? on so*e
rgent *atters that were "ressing on *e#
He sai)7 GSte"hen7 I@!! )o whate$er %o want *e to )o# >st !et *e share with
%o *% sitation#G
Then he too? *e o$er to his wa!!(oar)7 where he ha) !iste) o$er two )oCen
"roDects he was wor?ing on7 together with "erfor*ance criteria an) )ea)!ine
)ates that ha) (een c!ear!% negotiate) (efore# He was high!% )isci"!ine)7
which is wh% I went to see hi* in the first "!ace# GIf %o want to get
so*ething )one7 gi$e it to a (s% *an#G
Then he sai)7 GSte"hen7 to )o the Do(s that %o want )one right wo!) ta?e
se$era! )a%s# 0hich of these "roDects wo!) %o !i?e *e to )e!a% or cance!
to satisf% %or reFestBG
0e!!7 I )i)n@t want to ta?e the res"onsi(i!it% for that# I )i)n@t want to "t a
cog in the whee! of one of the *ost "ro)cti$e "eo"!e on the staff Dst
(ecase I ha""ene) to (e *anaging (% crisis at the ti*e# The Do(s I wante)
)one were rgent7 (t not i*"ortant# So I went an) fon) another crisis
*anager an) ga$e the Do( to hi*#
0e sa% G%esG or GnoG to things )ai!%7 sa!!% *an% ti*es a )a%# A center of
correct "rinci"!es an) a focs on or "ersona! *ission e*"owers s with
wis)o* to *a?e those D)g*ents effecti$e!%#
As I wor? with )ifferent gro"s7 I te!! the* that the essence of effecti$e ti*e
an) !ife *anage*ent is to organiCe an) e<ecte aron) (a!ance) "riorities#
Then I as? this FestionL if %o were to fa!t %orse!f in one of three areas7
which wo!) it (eL M1N the ina(i!it% to "rioritiCeE M2N the ina(i!it% or )esire to
organiCe aron) those "rioritiesE or M3N the !ac? of )isci"!ine to e<ecte
aron) the*7 to sta% with %or "riorities an) organiCationB
-ost "eo"!e sa% their *ain fa!t is a !ac? of )isci"!ine# On
16I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
)ee"er thoght7 I (e!ie$e that is not the case# The (asic "ro(!e* is that their
"riorities ha$e not (eco*e )ee"!% "!ante) in their hearts an) *in)s# The%
ha$en@t rea!!% interna!iCe) Ha(it 2#
There are *an% "eo"!e who recogniCe the $a!e of Xa)rant II acti$ities in
their !i$es7 whether the% i)entif% the* as sch or not# An) the% atte*"t to
gi$e "riorit% to those acti$ities an) integrate the* into their !i$es throgh
se!f,)isci"!ine a!one# Bt withot a "rinci"!e center an) a "ersona! *ission
state*ent7 the% )on@t ha$e the necessar% fon)ation to sstain their efforts#
The%@re wor?ing on the !ea$es7 on the attit)es an) the (eha$iors of
)isci"!ine7 withot e$en thin?ing to e<a*ine the roots7 the (asic "ara)ig*s
fro* which their natra! attit)es an) (eha$iors f!ow#
A Xa)rant II focs is a "ara)ig* that grows ot of a "rinci"!e center# If %o
are centere) on %or s"ose7 %or *one%7 %or frien)s7 %or "!easre7 or an%
e<trinsic factor7 %o wi!! ?ee" getting thrown (ac? into Xa)rants I an) III7
reacting to the otsi)e forces %or !ife is centere) on# E$en if %o@re centere)
on %orse!f7 %o@!! en) " in I an) III reacting to the i*"!se of the *o*ent#
Yor in)e"en)ent wi!! a!one cannot effecti$e!% )isci"!ine %o against %or
center#
In the wor)s of the architectra! *a<i*7 for* fo!!ows fnction# Li?ewise7
*anage*ent fo!!ows !ea)ershi"# The wa% %o s"en) %or ti*e is a res!t of
the wa% %o see %or ti*e an) the wa% %o rea!!% see %or "riorities# If %or
"riorities grow ot of a "rinci"!e center an) a "ersona! *ission7 if the% are
)ee"!% "!ante) in %or heart an) in %or *in)7 %o wi!! see Xa)rant II as a
natra!7 e<citing "!ace to in$est %or ti*e#
It@s a!*ost i*"ossi(!e to sa% GnoG to the "o"!arit% of Xa)rant III or to the
"!easre of esca"e to Xa)rant IV if %o )on@t ha$e a (igger G%esG (rning
insi)e# On!% when %o ha$e the se!f,awareness to e<a*ine %or "rogra*A
an) the i*agination an) conscience to create a new7 niFe7 "rinci"!e,
centere) "rogra* to which %o can sa% G%esGAon!% then wi!! %o ha$e
sfficient in)e"en)ent wi!! "ower to sa% Gno7G with a genine s*i!e7 to the
ni*"ortant#
-o$ing into Xa)rant II
If Xa)rant II acti$ities are c!ear!% the heart of effecti$e "ersona!
*anage*entAthe Gfirst thingsG we nee) to "t firstAthen how )o we
organiCe an) e<ecte aron) those thingsB
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
16K
The first generation of ti*e *anage*ent )oes not e$en recogniCe the
conce"t of "riorit%# It gi$es s notes an) Gto )oG !ists that we can cross off7
an) we fee! a te*"orar% sense of acco*"!ish*ent e$er% ti*e we chec?
so*ething off7 (t no "riorit% is attache) to ite*s on the !ist# In a))ition7
there is no corre!ation (etween what@s on the !ist an) or !ti*ate $a!es an)
"r"oses in !ife# 0e si*"!% res"on) to whate$er "enetrates or awareness
an) a""arent!% nee)s to (e )one#
-an% "eo"!e *anage fro* this first,generation "ara)ig*# It@s the corse of
!east resistance# There@s no "ain or strainE it@s fn to Ggo with the f!ow#G
E<terna!!% i*"ose) )isci"!ines an) sche)!es gi$e "eo"!e the fee!ing that
the% aren@t res"onsi(!e for res!ts#
Bt first,generation *anagers7 (% )efinition7 are not effecti$e "eo"!e# The%
"ro)ce $er% !itt!e7 an) their !ife,st%!e )oes nothing to (i!) their "ro)ction
ca"a(i!it%# Bffete) (% otsi)e forces7 the% are often seen as n)e"en)a(!e
an) irres"onsi(!e7 an) the% ha$e $er% !itt!e sense of contro! an) se!f,estee*#
Secon),generation *anagers ass*e a !itt!e *ore contro!# The% "!an an)
sche)!e in a)$ance an) genera!!% are seen as *ore res"onsi(!e (ecase the%
Gshow "G when the%@re s""ose) to#
Bt again7 the acti$ities the% sche)!e ha$e no "riorit% or recogniCe)
corre!ation to )ee"er $a!es an) goa!s# The% ha$e few significant
achie$e*ents an) ten) to (e sche)!e oriente)#
Thir),generation *anagers ta?e a significant ste" forwar)# The% c!arif% their
$a!es an) set goa!s# The% "!an each )a% an) "rioritiCe their acti$ities#
As I ha$e sai)7 this is where *ost of the ti*e *anage*ent fie!) is to)a%# Bt
this thir) generation has so*e critica! !i*itations# First7 it !i*its $isionA
)ai!% "!anning often *isses i*"ortant things that can on!% (e seen fro* a
!arger "ers"ecti$e# The $er% !angage G)ai!% "!anningG focses on the rgent
Athe Gnow#G 0hi!e thir) generation "rioritiCation "ro$i)es or)er to acti$it%7
it )oesn@t Festion the essentia! i*"ortance of the acti$it% in the first "!aceA
it )oesn@t "!ace the acti$it% in the conte<t of "rinci"!es7 "ersona! *ission7
ro!es7 an) goa!s# The thir),generation $a!e,)ri$en )ai!% "!anning a""roach
(asica!!% "rioritiCes the Xa)rant I an) III "ro(!e*s an) crises of the )a%#
In a))ition7 the thir) generation *a?es no "ro$ision for *anaging ro!es in a
(a!ance) wa%# It !ac?s rea!is*7 creating the ten)enc% to o$er,sche)!e the
)a%7 res!ting in frstration an) the )esire to occasiona!!% throw awa% the
"!an an) esca"e to Xa)rant
18J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
IV# An) its efficienc%7 ti*e *anage*ent focs ten)s to strain re!ationshi"s
rather than (i!) the*#
0hi!e each of the three generations has recogniCe) the $a!e of so*e ?in) of
*anage*ent too!7 none has "ro)ce) a too! that e*"owers a "erson to !i$e a
"rinci"!e,centere)7 Xa)rant II !ife,st%!e# The first,generation note"a)s an)
Gto )oG !ists gi$e s no *ore than a "!ace to ca"tre those things that
"enetrate or awareness so we won@t forget the*# The secon),generation a",
"oint*ent (oo?s an) ca!en)ars *ere!% "ro$i)e a "!ace to recor) or ftre
co**it*ents so that we can (e where we ha$e agree) to (e at the
a""ro"riate ti*e#
E$en the thir) generation7 with its $ast arra% of "!anners an) *ateria!s7
focses "ri*ari!% on he!"ing "eo"!e "rioritiCe an) "!an their Xa)rants I an)
III acti$ities# Thogh *an% trainers an) cons!tants recogniCe the $a!e of
Xa)rant II acti$ities7 the acta! "!anning too!s of the thir) generation )o not
faci!itate organiCing an) e<ecting aron) the*#
As each generation (i!)s on those that ha$e "rece)e) it7 the strengths an)
so*e of the too!s of each of the first three generations "ro$i)e e!e*enta!
*ateria! for the forth# Bt there is an a))e) nee) for a new )i*ension7 for
the "ara)ig* an) the i*"!e*entation that wi!! e*"ower s to *o$e into
Xa)rant II7 to (eco*e "rinci"!e,centere) an) to *anage orse!$es to )o
what is tr!% *ost i*"ortant#
The Xa)rant II Too!
The o(Decti$e of Xa)rant II *anage*ent is to *anage or !i$es effecti$e!%
Afro* a center of son) "rinci"!es7 fro* a ?now!e)ge of or "ersona!
*ission7 with a focs on the i*"ortant as we!! as the rgent7 an) within the
fra*ewor? of *aintaining a (a!ance (etween increasing or "ro)ction an)
increasing or "ro)ction ca"a(i!it%#
This is7 a)*itte)!%7 an a*(itios o(Decti$e for "eo"!e caght in the thic? of
thin things in Xa)rants III an) IV# Bt stri$ing to achie$e it wi!! ha$e a
"heno*ena! i*"act on "ersona! effecti$eness#
A Xa)rant II organiCer wi!! nee) to *eet si< i*"ortant criteria#
Coherence# Coherence sggests that there is har*on%7 nit%7 an) integrit%
(etween %or $ision an) *ission7 %or ro!es an) goa!s7 %or "riorities an)
"!ans7 an) %or )esires an) )isci"!ine# In %or "!anner7 there sho!) (e a
"!ace for %or "ersona! *ission
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
181
state*ent so that %o can constant!% refer to it# There a!so nee)s to (e a
"!ace for %or ro!es an) for (oth short, an) !ong,ter* goa!s#
Ba!ance# Yor too! sho!) he!" %o to ?ee" (a!ance in %or !ife7 to i)entif%
%or $arios ro!es an) ?ee" the* right in front of %o7 so that %o )on@t
neg!ect i*"ortant areas sch as %or hea!th7 %or fa*i!%7 "rofessiona!
"re"aration7 or "ersona! )e$e!o"*ent#
-an% "eo"!e see* to thin? that sccess in one area can co*"ensate for
fai!re in other areas of !ife# Bt can it rea!!%B Perha"s it can for a !i*ite)
ti*e in so*e areas# Bt can sccess in %or "rofession co*"ensate for a
(ro?en *arriage7 rine) hea!th7 or wea?ness in "ersona! characterB Tre
effecti$eness reFires (a!ance7 an) %or too! nee)s to he!" %o create an)
*aintain it#
Xa)rant II Focs# Yo nee) a too! that encorages %o7 *oti$ates %o7
acta!!% he!"s %o s"en) the ti*e %o nee) in Xa)rant II7 so that %o@re
)ea!ing with "re$ention rather than "rioritiCing crises# In *% o"inion7 the
(est wa% to )o this is to organiCe %or !ife on a wee?!% (asis# Yo can sti!!
a)a"t an) "rioritiCe on a )ai!% (asis7 (t the fn)a*enta! thrst is organiCing
the wee?#
OrganiCing on a wee?!% (asis "ro$i)es *ch greater (a!ance an) conte<t
than )ai!% "!anning# There see*s to (e i*"!icit c!tra! recognition of the
wee? as a sing!e7 co*"!ete nit of ti*e# Bsiness7 e)cation7 an) *an% other
facets of societ% o"erate within the fra*ewor? of the wee?7 )esignating
certain )a%s for focse) in$est*ent an) others for re!a<ation or ins"iration#
The (asic >)eo,Christian ethic honors the Sa((ath7 the one )a% ot of e$er%
se$en set asi)e for "!ifting "r"oses#
-ost "eo"!e thin? in ter*s of wee?s# Bt *ost thir),generation "!anning
too!s focs on )ai!% "!anning# 0hi!e the% *a% he!" %o "rioritiCe %or
acti$ities7 the% (asica!!% on!% he!" %o organiCe crises an) (s%wor?# The
?e% is not to "rioritiCe what@s on %or sche)!e7 (t to sche)!e %or
"riorities# An) this can (est (e )one in the conte<t of the wee?7
A GPeo"!eG &i*ension# Yo a!so nee) a too! that )ea!s with "eo"!e7 not Dst
sche)!es# 0hi!e %o can thin? in ter*s of efficienc% in )ea!ing with ti*e7 a
"rinci"!e,centere) "erson thin?s in ter*s of effecti$eness in )ea!ing with
"eo"!e# There are ti*es when "rinci"!e,centere) Xa)rant II !i$ing reFires
the s(or)ination of sche)!es to "eo"!e# Yor too! nee)s to ref!ect that
$a!e7 to faci!itate
182 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY ELECTIVE PEOPLE
i*"!e*entation rather than create gi!t when a sche)!e is not fo!!owe)#
F!e<i(i!it%# Yor "!anning too! sho!) (e %or ser$ant7 ne$er %or *aster#
Since it has to wor? for %o7 it sho!) (e tai!ore) to %or st%!e7 %or nee)s7
%or "artic!ar wa%s#
Porta(i!it%# Yor too! sho!) a!so (e "orta(!e7 so that %o can carr% it with
%o *ost of the ti*e# Yo *a% want to re$iew %or "ersona! *ission
state*ent whi!e ri)ing the (s# Yo *a% want to *easre the $a!e of a new
o""ortnit% against so*ething %o a!rea)% ha$e "!anne)# If %or organiCer
is "orta(!e7 %o wi!! ?ee" it with %o so that i*"ortant )ata is a!wa%s within
reach#
Since Xa)rant II is the heart of effecti$e se!f,*anage*ent7 %o nee) a too!
that *o$es %o into Xa)rant II# -% wor? with the forth,generation
conce"t has !e) to the creation of a too! s"ecifica!!% )esigne) accor)ing to
the criteria !iste) a(o$e# Bt *an% goo) thir),generation too!s can easi!% (e
a)a"te)# Becase the "rinci"!es are son)7 the "ractices or s"ecific
a""!ications can $ar% fro* one in)i$i)a! to the ne<t#
Beco*ing a Xa)rant II Se!f,-anager
A!thogh *% effort here is to teach "rinci"!es7 not "ractices7 of
effecti$eness7 I (e!ie$e %o can (etter n)erstan) the "rinci"!es an) the
e*"owering natre of the forth generation if %o acta!!% e<"erience
organiCing a wee? fro* a "rinci"!e,centere)7 Xa)rant I! (ase#
Xa)rant II organiCing in$o!$es for ?e% acti$ities#
I)entif%ing Ro!es# The first tas? is to write )own %or ?e% ro!es# If %o
ha$en@t rea!!% gi$en serios thoght to the ro!es in %or !ife7 %o can write
)own what i**e)iate!% co*es to *in)# Yo ha$e a ro!e as an in)i$i)a!#
Yo *a% want to !ist one or *ore ro!es as a fa*i!% *e*(erAa hs(an) or
wife7 *other or father7 son or )aghter7 a *e*(er of the e<ten)e) fa*i!% of
gran)"arents7 ants7 nc!es7 an) cosins# Yo *a% want to !ist a few ro!es in
%or wor?7 in)icating )ifferent areas in which %o wish to in$est ti*e an)
energ% on a reg!ar (asis# Yo *a\ ha$e ro!es in chrch or co**nit%
affairs# Yo )on@t nee) to worr% a(ot )efining the ro!es in a wa% that
HABIT 3 P.T F0ST THINGS HRST
183
%o wi!! !i$e with for the rest of %or !ifeADst consi)er the wee? an) write
)own the areas %o see %orse!f s"en)ing ti*e in )ring the ne<t se$en
)a%s#
Here are two e<a*"!es of the wa% "eo"!e *ight see their $arios ro!es#
1# In)i$i)a!
2# S"ose5Parent
3# -anager New Pro)cts
4# -anager Research
6# -anager Staff &e$#
8# -anager A)*inistration
:# Chair*an .nite) 0a%
1# Persona! &e$e!o"*ent
2# S"ose
3# Parent
4# Rea! Estate Sa!es"erson
6# Co**nit% Ser$ice
8# S%*"hon% Boar) -e*(er
Se!ecting Goa!s# The ne<t ste" is to thin? of one or two i*"ortant res!ts %o
fee! %o sho!) acco*"!ish in each ro!e )ring the ne<t se$en )a%s# These
wo!) (e recor)e) as goa!s# MSee ne<t "age#N At !east so*e of these goa!s
sho!) ref!ect Xa)rant II acti$ities# I)ea!!%7 these wee?!% goa!s wo!) (e
tie) to the !onger,ter* goa!s %o ha$e i)entifie) in conDnction with %or
"ersona! *ission state*ent# Bt e$en if %o ha$en@t written %or *ission
state*ent7 %o can get a fee!ing7 a sense7 of what is i*"ortant as %o
consi)er each of %or ro!es an) one or two goa!s for each ro!e#
Sche)!ing# Now %o can !oo? at the wee? ahea) with %or goa!s in *in)
an) sche)!e ti*e to achie$e the*# For e<a*"!e7 if %or goa! is to "ro)ce
the first )raft of %or "ersona! *ission state*ent7 %o *a% want to set asi)e
a two,hor (!oc? of ti*e on Sn)a% to wor? on it# Sn)a% Mor so*e other
)a% of the wee? that is s"ecia! to %o7 %or faith7 or %or circ*stancesN is
often the i)ea! ti*e to "!an %or *ore "ersona!!% "!ifting acti$ities7
inc!)ing wee?!% organiCing# It@s a goo) ti*e to )raw (ac?7 to see?
ins"iration7 to !oo? at %or !ife in the conte<t of "rinci"!es an) $a!es#
If %o set a goa! to (eco*e "h%sica!!% fit throgh e<ercise7 %o *a% want to
set asi)e an hor three or for )a%s )ring the wee?7 or "ossi(!% e$er% )a%
)ring the wee?7 to acco*"!ish that goa!# There are so*e goa!s that %o *a%
on!% (e a(!e to acco*"!ish )ring (siness hors7 or so*e that %o can on!%
)o on Satr)a% when %or chi!)ren are ho*e# Can %o (egin to see so*e of
the a)$antages of organiCing the wee? instea) of the )a%B
Ha$ing i)entifie) ro!es an) set goa!s7 %o can trans!ate each goa!
184
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST 186
to a s"ecific )a% of the wee?7 either as a "riorit% ite* or7 e$en (etter7 as a
s"ecific a""oint*ent# Yo can a!so chec? %or anna! or *onth!% ca!en)ar
for an% a""oint*ents %o *a% ha$e "re$ios!% *a)e an) e$a!ate their
i*"ortance in the conte<t of %or goa!s7 transferring those %o )eci)e to
?ee" to %or sche)!e an) *a?ing "!ans to resche)!e or cance! others#
As %o st)% the fo!!owing wee?!% sche)!e7 o(ser$e how each of the
nineteen *ost i*"ortant7 often Xa)rant II7 goa!s has (een sche)!e) or
trans!ate) into a s"ecific action "!an# In a))ition7 notice the (o< !a(e!e)
GShar"en the SawG that "ro$i)es a "!ace to "!an $ita! renewing Xa)rant II
acti$ities in each of the for h*an )i*ensions that wi!! (e e<"!aine) in
Ha(it :#
E$en with ti*e set asi)e to acco*"!ish 1K i*"ortant goa!s )ring the wee?7
!oo? at the a*ont of re*aining nsche)!e) s"ace on the sche)!eH As we!!
as e*"owering %o to "t first things first7 Xa)rant II wee?!% organiCing
gi$es %o the free)o* an) the f!e<i(i!it% to han)!e nantici"ate) e$ents7 to
shift a""oint*ents if %o nee) to7 to sa$or re!ationshi"s an) interactions
with others7 to )ee"!% enDo% s"ontaneos e<"eriences7 ?nowing that %o
ha$e "roacti$e!% organiCe) %or wee? to acco*"!ish ?e% goa!s in e$er% area
of %or !ife#
&ai!% A)a"ting# 0ith Xa)rant II wee?!% organiCing7 )ai!% "!anning
(eco*es *ore a fnction of )ai!% a)a"ting7 of "rioritiCing acti$ities an)
res"on)ing to nantici"ate) e$ents7 re!ationshi"s7 an) e<"eriences in a
*eaningf! wa%#
Ta?ing a few *intes each *orning to re$iew %or sche)!e can "t %o in
toch with the $a!e,(ase) )ecisions %o *a)e as %o organiCe) the wee? as
we!! as nantici"ate) factors that *a% ha$e co*e "# As %o o$er$iew the
)a%7 %o can see that %or ro!es an) goa!s "ro$i)e a natra! "rioritiCation
that grows ot of %or innate sense of (a!ance# It is a softer7 *ore right,(rain
"rioritiCation that !ti*ate!% co*es ot of %or sense of "ersona! *ission#
Yo *a% sti!! fin) that the thir),generation A7 B7 C or 17 27 3 "rioritiCation
gi$es nee)e) or)er to )ai!% acti$ities# It wo!) (e a fa!se )ichoto*% to sa%
that acti$ities are either i*"ortant or the% aren@t# The% are o($ios!% on a
contin*7 an) so*e i*"ortant acti$ities are *ore i*"ortant than others# In
the conte<t of wee?!% organiCing7 thir),generation "rioritiCation gi$es or)er
to )ai!% focs#
Bt tr%ing to "rioritiCe acti$ities (efore %o e$en ?now how the%
18I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
re!ate to %or sense of "ersona! *ission an) how the% fit into the (a!ance of
%or !ife is not effecti$e# Yo *a% (e "rioritiCing an) acco*"!ishing things
%o )on@t want or nee) to (e )oing at a!!#
Can %o (egin to see the )ifference (etween organiCing %or wee? as a
"rinci"!e,centere)7 Xa)rant II *anager an) "!anning %or )a%s as an
in)i$i)a! centere) on so*ething e!seB Can %o (egin to sense the
tre*en)os )ifference the Xa)rant II focs wo!) *a?e in %or crrent
!e$e! of effecti$enessB
Ha$ing e<"erience) the "ower of "rinci"!e,centere) Xa)rant II organiCing
in *% own !ife an) ha$ing seen it transfor* the !i$es of hn)re)s of other
"eo"!e7 I a* "ersa)e) it *a?es a )ifferenceAa Fant* "ositi$e
)ifference# An) the *ore co*"!ete!% wee?!% goa!s are tie) into a wi)er
fra*ewor? of correct "rinci"!es an) into a "ersona! *ission state*ent7 the
greater the increase in effecti$eness wi!! (e#
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
18K
Li$ing It
Retrning once *ore to the co*"ter *eta"hor7 if Ha(it 1 sa%s GYo@re the
"rogra**erG an) Ha(it 2 sa%s G0rite the "rogra*7G then Ha(it 3 sa%s GRn
the "rogra*7G GLi$e the "rogra*#G An) !i$ing it is "ri*ari!% a fnction of
or in)e"en)ent wi!!7 or se!f,)isci"!ine7 or integrit%7 an) co**it*entA
not to short,ter* goa!s an) sche)!es or to the i*"!se of the *o*ent7 (t to
the correct "rinci"!es an) or own )ee"est $a!es7 which gi$e *eaning an)
conte<t to or goa!s7 or sche)!es7 an) or !i$es#
As %o go throgh %or wee?7 there wi!! n)o(te)!% (e ti*es when %or
integrit% wi!! (e "!ace) on the !ine# The "o"!arit% of reacting to the rgent
(t ni*"ortant "riorities of other "eo"!e in Xa)rant III or the "!easre of
esca"ing to Xa)rant IV wi!! threaten to o$er"ower the i*"ortant Xa)rant
II acti$ities %o ha$e "!anne)# Yor "rinci"!e center7 %or se!f,awareness7
an) %or conscience can "ro$i)e a high )egree of intrinsic secrit%7
gi)ance7 an) wis)o* to e*"ower %o to se %or in)e"en)ent wi!! an)
*aintain integrit% to the tr!% i*"ortant#
Bt (ecase %o aren@t o*niscient7 %o can@t a!wa%s ?now in a)$ance what
is tr!% i*"ortant# As caref!!% as %o organiCe the wee?7 there wi!! (e ti*es
when7 as a "rinci"!e,centere) "erson7 %o wi!! nee) to s(or)inate %or
sche)!e to a higher $a!e# Becase %o are "rinci"!e,centere)7 %o can )o
that with an inner sense of "eace#
At one "oint7 one of *% sons was )ee"!% into sche)!ing an) efficienc%# One
)a% he ha) a $er% tight sche)!e7 which inc!)e) )own,to,the,*inte ti*e
a!!ocations for e$er% acti$it%7 inc!)ing "ic?ing " so*e (oo?s7 washing his
car7 an) G)ro""ingG Caro!7 his gir!frien)7 a*ong other things#
E$er%thing went accor)ing to sche)!e nti! it ca*e to Caro!# The% ha) (een
)ating for a !ong "erio) of ti*e7 an) he ha) fina!!% co*e to the conc!sion
that a contine) re!ationshi" wo!) not wor? ot# So7 congrent with his
efficienc% *o)e!7 he ha) sche)!e) a ten to fifteen,*inte te!e"hone ca!! to
te!! her#
Bt the news was $er% tra*atic to her# One,an),a,ha!f hors !ater7 he was
sti!! )ee"!% in$o!$e) in a $er% intense con$ersation with her# E$en then7 the
one $isit was not enogh# The sitation was a $er% frstrating e<"erience for
the* (oth#
Again7 %o si*"!% can@t thin? efficienc% with "eo"!e# Yo thin?
1:J
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
effecti$eness with "eo"!e an) efficienc% with things# I@$e trie) to (e
GefficientG with a )isagreeing or )isagreea(!e "erson an) it si*"!% )oesn@t
wor?# I@$e trie) to gi$e ten *intes of GFa!it% ti*eG to a chi!) or an
e*"!o%ee to so!$e a "ro(!e*7 on!% to )isco$er sch Gefficienc%G creates new
"ro(!e*s an) se!)o* reso!$es the )ee"est concern#
I see *an% "arents7 "artic!ar!% *others with s*a!! chi!)ren7 often frstrate)
in their )esire to acco*"!ish a !ot (ecase a!! the% see* to )o is *eet the
nee)s of !itt!e chi!)ren a!! )a%# Re*e*(er7 frstration is a fnction of or
e<"ectations7 an) or e<"ectations are often a ref!ection of the socia! *irror
rather than or own $a!es an) "riorities#
Bt if %o ha$e Ha(it 2 )ee" insi)e %or heart an) *in)7 %o ha$e those
higher $a!es )ri$ing %o# Yo can s(or)inate %or sche)!e to those
$a!es with integrit%# Yo can a)a"tE %o can (e f!e<i(!e# Yo )on@t fee!
gi!t% when %o )on@t *eet %or sche)!e or when %o ha$e to change it#
A)$ances of the Forth Generation
One of the reasons wh% "eo"!e resist sing thir),generation ti*e
*anage*ent too!s is (ecase the% !ose s"ontaneit%E the% (eco*e rigi) an)
inf!e<i(!e# The% s(or)inate "eo"!e to sche)!es (ecase the efficienc%
"ara)ig* of the thir) generation of *anage*ent is ot of har*on% with the
"rinci"!e that "eo"!e are *ore i*"ortant than things#
The forth,generation too! recogniCes that "rinci"!e# It a!so recogniCes that
the first "erson %o nee) to consi)er in ter*s of effecti$eness rather than
efficienc% is %orse!f# It encorages %o to s"en) ti*e in Xa)rant II7 to
n)erstan) an) center %or !ife on# "rinci"!es7 to gi$e c!ear e<"ression to the
"r"oses an) $a!es %o want to )irect %or )ai!% )ecisions# It he!"s %o to
create (a!ance in %or !ife# It he!"s %o rise a(o$e the !i*itations of )ai!%
"!anning an) organiCe an) sche)!e in the conte<t of the wee?# An) when a
higher $a!e conf!icts with what %o ha$e "!anne)7 it e*"owers %o to se
%or se!f,awareness an) %or conscience to *aintain integrit% to the
"rinci"!es an) "r"oses %o ha$e )eter*ine) are *ost i*"ortant# Instea) of
sing a roa) *a"7 %o@re sing a co*"ass#
The forth generation of se!f,*anage*ent is *ore a)$ance) than the thir) in
fi$e i*"ortant wa%s#
HABfT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
1:1
First7 it@s "rinci"!e,centere)# -ore than gi$ing !i" ser$ice to Xa)rant II7 it
creates the centra! "ara)ig* that e*"owers %o to see %or ti*e in the
conte<t of what is rea!!% i*"ortant an) effecti$e#
Secon)7 it@s conscience,)irecte)# It gi$es %o the o""ortnit% to organiCe
%or !ife to the (est of %or a(i!it% in har*on% with %or )ee"est $a!es# Bt
it a!so gi$es %o the free)o* to "eacef!!% s(or)inate %or sche)!e to
higher $a!es#
Thir)7 it )efines %or niFe *ission7 inc!)ing $a!es an) !ong,ter* goa!s#
This gi$es )irection an) "r"ose to the wa% %o s"en) each )a%#
Forth7 it he!"s %o (a!ance %or !ife (% i)entif%ing ro!es7 an) (% setting
goa!s an) sche)!ing acti$ities in each ?e% ro!e e$er% wee?#
An) fifth7 it gi$es greater conte<t throgh wee?!% organiCing Mwith )ai!%
a)a"tation as nee)e)N7 rising a(o$e the !i*iting "ers"ecti$e of a sing!e )a%
an) "tting %o in toch with %or )ee"est $a!es throgh re$iew of %or
?e% ro!es#
The "ractica! threa) rnning throgh a!! fi$e of these a)$ances is a "ri*ar%
focs on re!ationshi"s an) res!ts an) a secon)ar% focs on ri*e#
&e!egationL Increasing P an) PC
0e acco*"!ish a!! that we )o throgh )e!egationAeither to ti*e or to other
"eo"!e# If we )e!egate to ti*e7 we thin? efficienc%# If we )e!egate to other
"eo"!e7 we thin? effecti$eness#
-an% "eo"!e refse to )e!egate to other "eo"!e (ecase the% fee! it ta?es too
*ch ti*e an) effort an) the% co!) )o the Do( (etter the*se!$es# Bt
effecti$e!% )e!egating to others is "erha"s the sing!e *ost "owerf! high,
!e$erage acti$it% there is#
Transferring res"onsi(i!it% to other s?i!!e) an) traine) "eo"!e ena(!es %o to
gi$e %or energies to other high,!e$erage acti$ities# &e!egation *eans
growth7 (oth for in)i$i)a!s an) for organiCations# The !ate ># C# Penne% was
Fote) as sa%ing that the wisest )ecision he e$er *a)e was to G!et goG after
rea!iCing that he co!)n@t )o it a!! (% hi*se!f an% !onger# That )ecision7 *e $
!ong ago7 ena(!e) the )e$e!o"*ent an) growth of hn)re)s of stores an)
thosan)s of "eo"!e#
Becase )e!egation in$o!$es other "eo"!e7 it is a P(!ic Victor% an) co!)
we!! (e inc!)e) in Ha(it 4# Bt (ecase we are focsing here on "rinci"!es
of "ersona! *anage*ent7 an) the a(i!it% to )e!egate to others is the *ain
)ifference (etween the ro!e of
1:2
THB SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
*anager an) in)e"en)ent "ro)cer7 I a* a""roaching )e!egation fro* the
stan)"oint of %or "ersona! *anageria! s?i!!s#
A "ro)cer )oes whate$er is necessar% to acco*"!ish )esire) res!ts7 to get
the go!)en eggs# A "arent who washes the )ishes7 an architect who )raws "
(!e"rints7 or a secretar% who t%"e corres"on)ence is a "ro)cer#
Bt when a "erson sets " an) wor?s with an) throgh "eo"!e an) s%ste*s
to "ro)ce go!)en eggs7 that "erson (eco*es a *anager in the
inter)e"en)ent sense# A "arent who )e!egates washing the )ishes to a chi!)
is a *anager# An architect who hea)s a tea* of other architects is a
*anager# A secretar% who s"er$ises other secretaries an) office "ersonne!
is an office *anager#
A "ro)cer can in$est one hor of effort an) "ro)ce one nit of res!ts7
ass*ing no !oss of efficienc%#
A *anager7 on the other han)7 can in$est one hor of effort an) "ro)ce ten
or fift% or a hn)re) nits throgh effecti$e )e!egation#
-anage*ent is essentia!!% *o$ing the f!cr* o$er7 an) the ?e% to effecti$e
*anage*ent is )e!egation#
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
1:3
Gofer &e!egation
There are (asica!!% two ?in)s of )e!egationL Ggofer )e!egationG an)
Gstewar)shi" )e!egation#G Gofer )e!egation *eans GGo for this7 go for that7
)o this7 )o that7 an) te!! *e when it@s )one#G -ost "eo"!e who are "ro)cers
ha$e a gofer )e!egation "ara)ig*# Re*e*(er the *achete wie!)ers in the
Dng!eB The% are the "ro)cers# The% ro!! " their s!ee$es an) get the Do(
)one# If the% are gi$en a "osition of s"er$ision or *anage*ent7 the% sti!!
thin? !i?e "ro)cers# The% )on@t ?now how to set " a f!! )e!egation so that
another "erson is co**itte) to achie$e res!ts# Becase the% are focse) on
*etho)s7 the% (eco*e res"onsi(!e for the res!ts#
I was in$o!$e) in a gofer )e!egation once when or fa*i!% went water
s?iing# -% son7 who is an e<ce!!ent s?ier7 was in the water (eing "!!e) an)
I was )ri$ing the (oat# I han)e) the ca*era to San)ra an) as?e) her to ta?e
so*e "ictres#
At first7 I to!) her to (e se!ecti$e in her "ictre ta?ing (ecase we )i)n@t ha$e
*ch fi!* !eft# Then I rea!iCe) she was nfa*i!iar with the ca*era7 so I
(eca*e a !itt!e *ore s"ecific# I to!) her to (e sre to wait nti! the sn was
ahea) of the (oat an) nti! or son was D*"ing the wa?e or *a?ing a trn
an) toching his e!(ow#
Bt the *ore I thoght a(ot or !i*ite) footage an) her ine<"erience with
the ca*era7 the *ore concerne) I (eca*e# I fina!!% sai)7 GLoo?7 San)ra7 Dst
"sh the (tton when I te!! %o# O?a%BG An) I s"ent the ne<t few *intes
%e!!ing7 GTa?e itLATa?e itA&on@t ta?e itHA&on@t ta?e itHG I was afrai) that
if I )i)n@t )irect her e$er% *o$e e$er% secon)7 it wo!)n@t (e )one right#
That was tre gofer )e!egation7 one,on,one s"er$ision of *etho)s# -an%
"eo"!e consistent!% )e!egate that wa%# Bt how *ch )oes it rea!!%
acco*"!ishB An) how *an% "eo"!e is it "ossi(!e to s"er$ise or *anage
when %o ha$e to (e in$o!$e) in e$er% *o$e the% *a?eB
There@s a *ch (etter wa%7 a *ore effecti$e wa% to )e!egate to other "eo"!e#
An) it@s (ase) on a "ara)ig* of a""reciation of the se!f,awareness7 the
i*agination7 the conscience7 an) the free wi!! of other "eo"!e#
Stewar)shi" &e!egation
Stewar)shi" )e!egation is focse) on res!ts instea) of *etho)s# It gi$es
"eo"!e a choice of *etho) an) *a?es the* res"onsi(!e for
1:4 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
res!ts# It ta?es *ore ti*e in the (eginning7 (t it=s ti*e we!! in$este)# Yo
can *o$e the f!cr* o$er7 %o can increase %or !e$erage7 throgh
stewar)shi" )e!egation#
Stewar)shi" )e!egation in$o!$es c!ear7 ",front *ta! n)erstan)ing an)
co**it*ent regar)ing e<"ectations in fi$e areas#
&esire) Res!ts# Create a c!ear7 *ta! n)erstan)ing of what nee)s to (e
acco*"!ishe)7 focsing on what7 not howE res!ts7 not *etho)s# S"en) ti*e#
Be "atient# Visa!iCe the )esire) res!t# Ha$e the "erson see it7 )escri(e it7
*a?e ot a Fa!it% state*ent of what the res!ts wi!! !oo? !i?e7 an) (% when
the% wi!! (e acco*"!ishe)#
Gi)e!ines# I)entif% the "ara*eters within which the in)i$i)a! sho!)
o"erate# These sho!) (e as few as "ossi(!e to a$oi) *etho)s )e!egation7 (t
sho!) inc!)e an% for*i)a(!e restrictions# Yo wo!)n@t want a "erson to
thin? he ha) consi)era(!e !atit)e as !ong as he acco*"!ishe) the o(Decti$es7
on!% to $io!ate so*e !ong,stan)ing tra)itiona! "ractice or $a!e# That ?i!!s
initiati$e an) sen)s "eo"!e (ac? to the gofer@s cree)L G>st te!! *e what %o
want *e to )o7 an) I@!! )o it#G
If %o ?now the fai!re "aths of the Do(7 i)entif% the*# Be honest an) o"en
Ate!! a "erson where the Fic?san) is an) where the wi!) ani*a!s are# Yo
)on@t want to ha$e to rein$ent the whee! e$er% )a%# Let "eo"!e !earn fro*
%or *ista?es or the *ista?es of others# Point ot the "otentia! fai!re "aths7
what not to )o7 (t )on@t te!! the* what to )o# 'ee" the res"onsi(i!it% for
res!ts with the*Ato )o whate$er is necessar% within the gi)e!ines
Resorces# I)entif% the h*an7 financia!7 technica!7 or organiCationa!
resorces the "erson can )raw on to acco*"!ish the )esire) res!ts#
Acconta(i!it%# Set " the stan)ar)s of "erfor*ance that wi!! (e se) in
e$a!ating the res!ts an) the s"ecific ti*es when re"orting an) e$a!ation
wi!! ta?e "!ace#
ConseFences# S"ecif% what wi!! ha""en7 (oth goo) an) (a)7 as a res!t of
the e$a!ation# This co!) inc!)e sch things as financia! rewar)s7 "s%chic
rewar)s7 )ifferent Do( assign*ents7 an) natra! conseFences tie) into the
o$era!! *ission of an organiCation#
So*e %ears ago7 I ha) an interesting e<"erience in )e!egation with one of
*% sons# 0e were ha$ing a fa*i!% *eeting7 an) we
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
1:6
ha) or *ission state*ent " on the wa!! to *a?e sre or "!ans were in
har*on% with or $a!es# E$er%(o)% was there#
I set " a (ig (!ac?(oar) an) we wrote )own or goa!sAthe ?e% things we
wante) to )oAan) the Do(s that f!owe) ot of those goa!s# Then I as?e) for
$o!nteers to )o the Do(#
G0ho wants to "a% the *ortgageBG I as?e)# I notice) I was the on!% one with
*% han) "#
G0ho wants to "a% for the insranceB The foo)B The carsBG I see*e) to
ha$e a rea! *ono"o!% on the o""ortnities#
G0ho wants to fee) the new (a(%BG There was *ore interest here7 (t *%
wife was the on!% one with the right Fa!ifications for the Do(#
As we went )own the !ist7 Do( (% Do(7 it was soon e$i)ent that -o* an) &a)
ha) *ore than si<t%,hor wor? wee?s# 0ith that "ara)ig* in *in)7 so*e of
the other Do(s too? on a *ore "ro"er "ers"ecti$e#
-% se$en,%ear,o!) son7 Ste"hen7 $o!nteere) to ta?e care of the %ar)# Before
I acta!!% ga$e hi* the Do(7 I (egan a thorogh training "rocess# I wante)
hi* to ha$e a c!ear "ictre in his *in) of what a we!! care) for %ar) was
!i?e7 so I too? hi* ne<t )oor to or neigh(or@s#
GLoo?7 son7G I sai)# GSee how or neigh(or@s %ar) is green an) c!eanB That@s
what we@re after7 green an) c!ean# Now co*e !oo? at or %ar)# See the *i<e)
co!orsB That;s not itE that@s not green# Green an) c!ean is what we want# Now
how %o get it green is " to %o# Yo@re free to )o it an% wa% %o want7
e<ce"t "aint it# Bt I@!! te!! %o how I@) )o it if it were " to *e#G
GHow wo!) %o )o it7 &a)BG
GI@) trn on the s"rin?!ers# Bt %o *a% want to se (c?ets or a hose# It
*a?es no )ifference to *e# A!! we care a(ot is that the co!or is green#
O?a%BG
GO?a%#G
GNow !et@s ta!? a(ot @c!ean7@ Son# C!ean *eans no *esses aron)Ano
"a"er7 strings7 (ones7 stic?s7 or an%thing that *esses " the "!ace# I@!! te!! %o
what !et=s )o# Let=s Dst c!ean " ha!f the %ar) right now an) !oo? at the
)ifference#G
So we got ot two "a"er sac?s an) "ic?e) " one si)e of the %ar)# GNow
!oo? at this si)e# Loo? at the other si)e# See the )ifferenceB That=s ca!!e)
)ean#G
G0aitHG he ca!!e)# GI see so*e "a"er (ehin) that (shHG
GOh7 goo)H I )i)n@t notice that news"a"er (ac? there# Yo ha$e goo) e%es7
Son#
1:8
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
GNow (efore %o )eci)e whether or not %o@re going to ta?e the Do(7 !et *e
te!! %o a few *ore things# Becase when %o ta?e the Do(7 I )on@t )o it
an%*ore# It=s %or Do(# It@s ca!!e) a stewar)shi"# Stewar)shi" *eans @a Do(
with a trst#@ I trst %o to )o the Do(7 to get it )one# Now who@s going to (e
%or (ossBG
GYo7 &a)BG
GNo7 not *e# Yo@re the (oss# Yo (oss %orse!f# How )o %o !i?e -o* an)
&a) nagging %o a!! the ti*eBG
GI )on@t#G
G0e )on@t !i?e )oing it either# It so*eti*es cases a (a) fee!ing7 )oesn@t itB
So %o (oss %orse!f# Now7 gess who %or he!"er is#G
G0hoBG
GI a*7G I sai)# GYo (oss *e#G
GI )oBG
GThat=s right# Bt *% ti*e to he!" is !i*ite)# So*eti*es I@* awa%# Bt when
I@* here7 %o te!! *e how I can he!"# I@!! )o an%thing %o want *e to )o#G
GO?a%HG
GNow gess who D)ges %o#G
G0hoBG
GYo D)ge %orse!f#G
GI )oBG
GThat@s right# Twice a wee? the two of s wi!! wa!? aron) the %ar)7 an) %o
can show *e how it=s co*ing# How are %o going to D)geBG
GGreen an) c!ean#G
GRightHG
I traine) hi* with those two wor)s for two wee?s (efore I fe!t he was rea)%
to ta?e the Do(# Fina!!%7 the (ig )a% ca*e#
GIs it a )ea!7 SonBG
GIt=s a )ea!#G
G0hat@s the Do(BG
GGreen an) c!ean#G
G0hat=s greenBG
He !oo?e) at or %ar)7 which was (eginning to !oo? (etter# Then he "ointe)
ne<t )oor# GThat=s the co!or of his %ar)#G
G0hat=s c!eanBG
GNo *esses#G
G0ho@s the (ossBG
GI a*#G
G0ho@s %or he!"erBG
GYo are7 when %o ha$e ti*e#G
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
1::
G0ho@s the D)geBG
GI a*# 0e@!! wa!? aron) two ti*es a wee? an) I can show %o how it@s
co*ing#G
GAn) what wi!! we !oo? forBG
GGreen an) c!ean#G
At that ti*e I )i)n@t *ention an a!!owance# Bt I wo!)n@t hesitate to attach
an a!!owance to sch a stewar)shi"#
Two wee?s an) two wor)s# I thoght he was rea)%#
It was Satr)a%# An) he )i) nothing7 Sn)a% # # # nothing# -on)a% # # #
nothing# As I "!!e) ot of the )ri$ewa% on *% wa% to wor? on Tes)a%7 I
!oo?e) at the %e!!ow7 c!ttere) %ar) an) the hot >!% sn on its wa% "#
GSre!% he@!! )o it to)a%7G I thoght# I co!) rationa!iCe Satr)a% (ecase that
was the )a% we *a)e the agree*ent# I co!) rationa!iCe Sn)a%E Sn)a% was
for other things# Bt I co!)n@t rationa!iCe -on)a%# An) now it was Tes,
)a%# Certain!% he@) )o it to)a%# It was s**erti*e# 0hat e!se )i) he ha$e to
)oB
A!! )a% I co!) har)!% wait to retrn ho*e to see what ha""ene)# As I
ron)e) the corner7 I was *et with the sa*e "ictre I !eft that *orning# An)
there was *% son at the "ar? across the street "!a%ing#
This was not acce"ta(!e# I was "set an) )isi!!sione) (% his "erfor*ance
after two wee?s of training an) a!! those co**it*ents# 0e ha) a !ot of
effort7 "ri)e7 an) *one% in$este) in the %ar) an) I co!) see it going )own
the )rain# Besi)es7 *% neigh(or@s %ar) was *anicre) an) (eatif!7 an) the
sitation was (eginning to get e*(arrassing#
I was rea)% to go (ac? to gofer )e!egation# Son7 %o get o$er here an) "ic?
" this gar(age right now or e!seH I ?new I co!) get the go!)en egg that
wa%# Bt what a(ot the gooseB 0hat wo!) ha""en to his interna!
co**it*entB
So I fa?e) a s*i!e an) %e!!e) across the street7 GHi7 Son# How@s it goingBG
GFineHG he retrne)#
GHow@s the %ar) co*ingBG I ?new the *inte I sai) it I ha) (ro?en or
agree*ent# That@s not the wa% we ha) set " an acconting# That@s not what
we ha) agree)#
So he fe!t Dstifie) in (rea?ing it7 too# GFine7 &a)#G
I (it *% tonge an) waite) nti! after )inner# Then I sai)7 GSon7 !et@s )o as
we agree)# Let@s wa!? aron) the %ar) together an) %o can show *e how
it@s going in %or stewar)shi"#G
As we starte) ot the )oor7 his chin (egan to Fi$er# Tears
1:I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
we!!e) " in his e%es an)7 (% the ti*e we got ot to the *i))!e of the %ar)7
he was whi*"ering#
GIt=s so har)7 &a)HG
0hat@s so har)B I thoght to *%se!f# Yo ha$en@t )one a sing!e thingH Bt I
?new what was har)Ase!f,*anage*ent7 se!f,s"er$ision# So I sai)7 GIs there
an%thing I can )o to he!"BG
G0o!) %o7 &a)BG he sniffe)#
G0hat was or agree*entBG
GYo sai) %o@) he!" *e if %o ha) ti*e#G
GI ha$e ti*e#G
So he ran into the hose an) ca*e (ac? with two sac?s# He han)e) *e one#
G0i!! %o "ic? that stff "BG He "ointe) to the gar(age fro* Satr)a%
night=s (ar(ece# GIt *a?es *e sic?HG
So I )i)# I )i) e<act!% what he as?e) *e to )o# An) that was when he signe)
the agree*ent in his heart# It (eca*e his %ar)7 his stewar)shi"#
He on!% as?e) for he!" two or three *ore ti*es that entire s**er# He too?
care of that %ar)# He ?e"t it greener an) c!eaner than it ha) e$er (een n)er
*% stewar)shi"# He e$en re"ri*an)e) his (rothers an) sisters if the% !eft so
*ch as a g* wra""er on the !awn#
Trst is the highest for* of h*an *oti$ation# It (rings ot the $er% (est in
"eo"!e# Bt it ta?es ti*e an) "atience7 an) it )oesn@t "rec!)e the necessit%
to train an) )e$e!o" "eo"!e so that their co*"etenc% can rise to the !e$e! of
that trst#
I a* con$ince) that if stewar)shi" )e!egation is )one correct!%7 (oth "arties
wi!! (enefit an) !ti*ate!% *ch *ore wor? wi!! get )one in *ch !ess ti*e#
I (e!ie$e that a fa*i!% that is we!! organiCe)7 whose ti*e has (een s"ent
effecti$e!% )e!egating on a one,on,one (asis7 can organiCe the wor? so that
e$er%one can )o e$er%thing in a(ot an hor a )a%# Bt that ta?es the
interna! ca"acit% to want to *anage7 not Dst to "ro)ce# The focs is on
effecti$eness7 not efficienc%#
Certain!% %o can "ic? " that roo* (etter than a chi!)7 (t the ?e% is that
%o want to e*"ower the chi!) to )o it# It ta?es ti*e# Yo ha$e to get
in$o!$e) in the training an) )e$e!o"*ent# It ta?es ti*e7 (t how $a!a(!e
that ti*e is )ownstrea*H It sa$es %o so *ch in the !ong rn#
This a""roach in$o!$es an entire!% new "ara)ig* of )e!egation# In effect7 it
changes the natre of the re!ationshi"L The stewar)
HABIT 3 P.T FIRST THINGS FIRST
1:K
(eco*es his own (oss7 go$erne) (% a conscience that contains the
co**it*ent to agree) "on )esire) res!ts# Bt it a!so re!eases his creati$e
energies towar) )oing whate$er is necessar% in har*on% with correct
"rinci"!es to achie$e those )esire) res!ts#
The "rinci"!es in$o!$e) in stewar)shi" )e!egation are correct an) a""!ica(!e
to an% ?in) of "erson or sitation# 0ith i**atre "eo"!e7 %o s"ecif% fewer
)esire) res!ts an) *ore gi)e!ines7 i)entif% *ore resorces7 con)ct *ore
freFent acconta(i!it% inter$iews7 an) a""!% *ore i**e)iate
conseFences# 0ith *ore *atre "eo"!e7 %o ha$e *ore cha!!enging )esire)
res!ts7 fewer gi)e!ines7 !ess freFent acconta(i!it%7 an) !ess *easra(!e
(t *ore )iscerna(!e criteria#
Effecti$e )e!egation is "erha"s the (est in)icator of effecti$e *anage*ent
si*"!% (ecase it is so (asic to (oth "ersona! an) organiCationa! growth#
The Xa)rant II Para)ig*
The ?e% to effecti$e *anage*ent of se!f7 or of others throgh )e!egation7 is
not in an% techniFe or too! or e<trinsic factor# It is intrinsicAin the
Xa)rant II "ara)ig* that e*"owers %o to see throgh the !ens of
i*"ortance rather than rgenc%#
I ha$e inc!)e) in the A""en)i< an e<ercise ca!!e) GA Xa)rant II &a% at the
OfficeG which wi!! ena(!e %o to see in a (siness setting how "owerf!!%
this "ara)ig* can i*"act %or effecti$eness#U
As %o wor? to )e$e!o" a Xa)rant II "ara)ig*7 %o wi!! increase %or
a(i!it% to organiCe an) e<ecte e$er% wee? of %or !ife aron) %or )ee"est
"riorities7 to wa!? %or ta!?# Yo wi!! not (e )e"en)ent on an% other "erson
or thing for the effecti$e *anage*ent of %or !ife#
Interesting!%7 e$er% one of the Se$en Ha(its is in Xa)rant II# E$er% one
)ea!s with fn)a*enta!!% i*"ortant things that7 if )one on a reg!ar (asis7
wo!) *a?e a tre*en)os "ositi$e )ifference in or !i$es#
A""!ication SggestionsL
1# I)entif% a Xa)rant II acti$it% %o ?now has (een neg!ecte) in %or !ifeA
one that7 if )one we!!7 wo!) ha$e a significant i*"act
1I2 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
in %or !ife7 either "ersona!!% or "rofessiona!!%# 0rite it )own an) co**it to
i*"!e*ent it#
2# &raw a ti*e *anage*ent *atri< an) tr% to esti*ate what "ercentage of
%or ti*e %o s"en) in each Fa)rant# Then !og %or ti*e for three )a%s in
fifteen,*inte inter$a!s# How accrate was %or esti*ateB Are %o satisfie)
with the wa% %o s"en) %or ti*eB 0hat )o %o nee) to changeB
3# -a?e a !ist of res"onsi(i!ities %o co!) )e!egate an) the "eo"!e %o
co!) )e!egate to or train to (e res"onsi(!e in these areas# &eter*ine what is
nee)e) to start the "rocess of )e!egation or training#
4# OrganiCe %or ne<t wee?#U Start (% writing )own %or ro!es an) goa!s for
the wee?7 then transfer the goa!s to a s"ecific action "!an# At the en) of the
wee?7 e$a!ate how we!! %or "!an trans!ate) %or )ee" $a!es an) "r"oses
into %or )ai!% !ife an) the )egree of integrit% %o were a(!e to *aintain to
those $a!es an) "r"oses#
6# Co**it %orse!f to start organiCing on a wee?!% (asis an) set " a
reg!ar ti*e to )o it#
8# Either con$ert %or crrent "!anning too! into a forth generation too! or
secre sch a too!#
:# Go throgh GA Xa)rant II &a% at the OfficeG MA""en)i< BN for a *ore
in,)e"th n)erstan)ing of the i*"act of a Xa)rant II "ara)ig*#
Part Three
P(!ic Victor%

Para)ig*s of Inter)e"en)ence
There can (e no frien)shi" withot confi)ence7
an) no confi)ence withot integrit%#
Sa*e! >ohnson
Before *o$ing into the area of P(!ic Victor%7 we sho!) re*e*(er that
effecti$e inter)e"en)ence can on!% (e (i!t on a fon)ation of tre
in)e"en)ence# Pri$ate Victor% "rece)es P(!ic Victor%# A!ge(ra co*es
(efore ca!c!s#
As we !oo? (ac? an) sr$e% the terrain to )eter*ine where we@$e (een an)
where we are in re!ationshi" to where we@re going7 we c!ear!% see that we
co!) not ha$e gotten where we are withot co*ing the wa% we ca*e# There
aren@t an% other roa)sE there aren@t an% shortcts# There@s no wa% to "arachte
into this terrain# The !an)sca"e ahea) is co$ere) with the frag*ents of
(ro?en re!ationshi"s of "eo"!e who ha$e trie)# The%@$e trie) to D*" into
effecti$e re!ationshi"s withot the *atrit%7 the strength of character7 to
*aintain the*#
Bt %o Dst can@t )o itE %o si*"!% ha$e to tra$e! the roa)# Yo can@t (e
sccessf! with other "eo"!e if %o ha$en@t "ai) the "rice of sccess with
%orse!f#
A few %ears ago when I was gi$ing a se*inar on the Oregon coast7 a *an
ca*e " to *e an) sai)7 GYo ?now7 Ste"hen7 I rea!!% )on@t enDo% co*ing to
these se*inars#G He ha) *% attention#
GLoo? at e$er%one e!se here7G he contine)# GLoo? at this (eatif! coast!ine
an) the sea ot there an) a!! that@s ha""ening# An) a!! I can )o is sit an)
worr% a(ot the gri!!ing I@* going to get fro* *% wife tonight on the "hone
GShe gi$es *e the thir) )egree e$er% ti*e I@* awa%# 0here )i)
1I8 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
I eat (rea?fastB 0ho e!se was thereB 0as I in *eetings a!! *orningB 0hen
)i) we sto" for !nchB 0hat )i) I )o )ring !nchB How )i) I s"en) the
afternoonB 0hat )i) I )o for entertain*ent in the e$eningB 0ho was with
*eB 0hat )i) we ta!? a(otB
GAn) what she rea!!% wants to ?now7 (t ne$er Fite as?s7 is who she can
ca!! to $erif% e$er%thing I te!! her# She Dst nags *e an) Festions e$er%thing
I )o whene$er I@* awa%# It@s ta?en the (!oo* ot of this who!e e<"erience# I
rea!!% )on@t enDo% it at a!!#G
He )i) !oo? "rett% *isera(!e# 0e ta!?e) for a whi!e7 an) then he *a)e a $er%
interesting co**ent# GI gess she ?nows a!! the Festions to as?7G he sai) a
!itt!e shee"ish!%# GIt was at a se*inar !i?e this that I *et her # # # when I was
*arrie) to so*eone e!seHG
I consi)ere) the i*"!ications of his co**ent an) then sai)7 GYo@re ?in) of
into @Fic? fi<7@ aren@t %oBG
G0hat )o %o *eanBG he re"!ie)#
G0e!!7 %o@) !i?e to ta?e a screw)ri$er an) Dst o"en " %or wife@s hea) an)
rewire that attit)e of hers rea!!% fast7 wo!)n@t %oBG
GSre7 I@) !i?e her to change7G he e<c!ai*e)# GI )on@t thin? it=s right for her to
constant!% gri!! *e !i?e she )oes#G
G-% frien)7G I sai)7 G%o can@t ta!? %or wa% ot of "ro(!e*s %o (eha$e
%orse!f into#G
0e@re )ea!ing with a $er% )ra*atic an) $er% fn)a*enta! "ara)ig* shift
here# Yo *a% tr% to !(ricate %or socia! interactions with "ersona!it%
techniFes an) s?i!!s7 (t in the "rocess7 %o *a% trncate the $ita! character
(ase# Yo can@t ha$e the frits withot the roots# It=s the "rinci"!e of
seFencingL Pri$ate Victor% "rece)es P(!ic Victor%# Se!f,*aster% an) se!f,
)isci"!ine are the fon)ation of goo) re!ationshi"s with others#
So*e "eo"!e sa% that %o ha$e to !i?e %orse!f (efore %o can !i?e others# I
thin? that i)ea has *erit7 (t if %o )on@t ?now %orse!f7 if %o )on@t contro!
%orse!f7 if %o )on@t ha$e *aster% o$er %orse!f7 ifs $er% har) to !i?e
%orse!f7 e<ce"t in so*e short,ter*7 "s%ch,"7 s"erficia! wa%#
Rea! se!f,res"ect co*es fro* )o*inion o$er se!f7 fro* tre in)e"en)ence#
An) that=s the focs of Ha(its 17 27 an) 3# In)e"en)ence is an achie$e*ent#
Inter)e"en)ence is a choice on!% in)e"en)ent "eo"!e can *a?e# .n!ess we
are wi!!ing to achie$e rea! in)e"en)ence7 it=s foo!ish to tr% to )e$e!o" h*an
re!ations
PARA&IG-S OF &-TER&EPEN&ENCT
1I:
s?i!!s# 0e *ight tr%# 0e *ight e$en ha$e so*e )egree of sccess when the
sn is shining# Bt when the )iffic!t ti*es co*eAan) the% wi!!Awe won@t
ha$e the fon)ation to ?ee" things together#
The *ost i*"ortant ingre)ient we "t into an% re!ationshi" is not what we
sa% or what we )o7 (t what we are# An) if or wor)s an) or actions co*e
fro* s"erficia! h*an re!ations techniFes Mthe Persona!it% EthicN rather
than fro* or own inner core Mthe Character EthicN7 others wi!! sense that
)"!icit%# 0e si*"!% won@t (e a(!e to create an) sstain the fon)ation
necessar% for effecti$e inter)e"en)ence#
The techniFes an) s?i!!s that rea!!% *a?e a )ifference * h*an interaction
are the ones that a!*ost natra!!% f!ow fro* a tr!% in)e"en)ent character#
So the "!ace to (egin (i!)ing an% re!ationshi" is insi)e orse!$es7 insi)e or
Circ!e of Inf!ence7 or own character# As we (eco*e in)e"en)entA
"roacti$e7 centere) in correct "rinci"!es7 $a!e )ri$en an) a(!e to organiCe
an) e<ecte aron) the "riorities in or !ife with integrit%Awe then can
choose to (eco*e inter)e"en)entAca"a(!e of (i!)ing rich7 en)ring7
high!% "ro)cti$e re!ationshi"s with other "eo"!e#
As we !oo? at the terrain ahea)7 we see *at we@re entering a who!e new
)i*ension# Inter)e"en)ence o"ens " wor!)s of "ossi(i!ities for )ee"7 rich7
*eaningf! associations7 for geo*etrica!!% increase) "ro)cti$it%7 for
ser$ing7 for contri(ting7 for !earning7 for growing# Bt it is a!so where we
fee! the greatest "ain7 the greatest frstration7 the greatest roa)(!oc?s to
ha""iness an) sccess# An) we@re $er% aware of that "ain (ecase it is acte#
0e can often !i$e for %ears with the chronic "ain of or !ac? of $ision7
!ea)ershi" or *anage*ent in or "ersona! !i$es# 0e fee! $age!% neas% an)
nco*forta(!e an) occasiona!!% ta?e ste"s to ease the "ain7 at !east for a
ti*e# Becase the "ain is chronic7 we get se) to it7 we !earn to !i$e with it#
Bt when we ha$e "ro(!e*s in or interactions with other "eo"!e7 we@re $er%
aware of acte "ainAit=s often intense7 an) we want it to go awa%E
That@s when we tr% to treat the s%*"to*s with Fic? fi<es an) techniFesA
the (an),ai)s of the Persona!it% Ethic# 0e )on@t n)erstan) that the acte
"ain is an otgrowth of the )ee"er7 chronic "ro(!e*# An) nti! we,sto"
treating the s%*"to*s an) start treating the "ro(!e*7 or efforts wi!! on!%
(ring conter"ro)cti$e res!ts# 0e wi!! on!% (e sccessf! at o(scring the
chronic "ain e$en *ore#
1II
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Now7 as we thin? of effecti$e interaction with others7 !et;s go (ac? to or
ear!ier )efinition of effecti$eness# 0e@$e sai) if s the P5PC (a!ance7 the
fn)a*enta! conce"t in the stor% of the goose an) the go!)en egg#
In an inter)e"en)ent sitation7 the go!)en eggs are the effecti$eness7 the
won)erf! s%nerg%7 the res!ts create) (% o"en co**nication an) "ositi$e
interaction with others# An) to get those eggs on a reg!ar (asis7 we nee) to
ta?e care of the goose# 0e nee) to create an) care for the re!ationshi"s that
*a?e those res!ts rea!ities#
So (efore we )escen) fro* or "oint of reconnaissance an) get into Ha(its
47 67 an) 871 wo!) !i?e to intro)ce what I (e!ie$e to (e a $er% "owerf!
*eta"hor in )escri(ing re!ationshi"s an) in )efining the P5PC (a!ance in an
inter)e"en)ent rea!it%#
THE E-OTIONAL BAN' ACCO.NT
0e a!! ?now what a financia! (an? accont is# 0e *a?e )e"osits into it an)
(i!) " a reser$e fro* which we can *a?e with)rawa!s when we nee) to#
An E*otiona! Ban? Accont is a *eta"hor that )escri(es the a*ont of trst
that@s (een (i!t " in a re!ationshi"# If s the fee!ing of safeness %o ha$e
with another h*an (eing#
If I *a?e )e"osits into an E*otiona! Ban? Accont with %o throgh
cortes%7 ?in)ness7 honest%7 an) ?ee"ing *% co**it*ents to %o7 I (i!) "
a reser$e# Yor trst towar) *e (eco*es higher7 an) I can ca!! "on that
trst *an% ti*es if I nee) to# I can e$en *a?e *ista?es an) that trst !e$e!7
that e*otiona! reser$e7 wi!! co*"ensate for it# -% co**nication *a% not
(e )ear7 (t %o@!! get *% *eaning an%wa%# Yo won@t *a?e *e Gan
offen)er for a wor)#G 0hen the trst accont is high7 co**nication is eas%7
instant7 an) effecti$e#
Bt if I ha$e a ha(it of showing )iscortes%7 )isres"ect7 ctting %o off7
o$erreacting7 ignoring %o7 (eco*ing ar(itrar%7 (etra%ing %or trst7
threatening %o7 or "!a%ing !itt!e tin go) in %or !ife7 e$enta!!% *%
E*otiona! Ban? Accont is o$er)rawn# The trst !e$e! gets $er% !ow# Then
what f!e<i(i!it% )o I ha$eB
None# I@* wa!?ing on *ine fie!)s# I ha$e to (e $er% caref! of e$er%thing I
sa%# I *easre e$er% wor)# If s tension cit%7 *e*o ha$en# If s "rotecting *%
(ac?si)e7 "o!itic?ing# An) *an% organiCations are fi!!e) with it# -an%
fa*i!ies are fi!!e) with it# -an% *arriageU art fi!!e) with it#
If a !arge reser$e of trst is not sstaine) (% contining )e"osits#

PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE
1IK
a *arriage wi!! )eteriorate# Instea) of rich7 s"ontaneos n)erstan)ing an)
co**nication7 the sitation (eco*es one of acco**o)ation7 where two
"eo"!e si*"!% atte*"t to !i$e in)e"en)ent !ife,st%!es in a fair!% res"ectf!
an) to!erant wa%# The re!ationshi" *a% frther )eteriorate to one of hosti!it%
an) )efensi$eness# The Gfight or f!ightG res"onse creates $er(a! (att!es7
s!a**e) )oors7 refsa! to ta!?7 e*otiona! with)rawa! an) se!f,"it%# It *a%
en) " in a co!) war at ho*e7 sstaine) on!% (% chi!)ren7 se<7 socia!
"ressre7 or i*age "rotection# Or it *a% en) " in o"en warfare in the
corts7 where .tter ego )eci*ating !ega! (att!es can (e carrie) on for %ears
as "eo"!e en)!ess!% confess the sins of a for*er s"ose#
An) this is in the *ost inti*ate7 the *ost "otentia!!% rich7 Do%f!7 satisf%ing
an) "ro)cti$e re!ationshi" "ossi(!e (etween two "eo"!e on this earth# The
P5PC !ighthose is thereE we can either (rea? orse!$es against it or we can
se it as a gi)ing !ight#
Or *ost constant re!ationshi"s7 !i?e *arriage7 reFire or *ost constant
)e"osits# 0ith contining e<"ectations7 o!) )e"osits e$a"orate# If %o
s))en!% rn into an o!) high schoo! frien) %o ha$en@t seen for %ears7 %o
can "ic? " right where %o !eft off (ecase the ear!ier )e"osits are sti!!
there# Bt %or acconts with the "eo"!e %o interact with on a reg!ar (asis
reFire *ore constant in$est*ent# There are so*eti*es ato*atic
with)rawa!s in %or )ai!% interactions or in their "erce"tion of %o that %o
)on@t e$en ?now a(ot# This is es"ecia!!% tre with teenagers in the ho*e#
S""ose %o ha$e a teenage son an) %or nor*a! con$ersation is so*ething
!i?e7 GC!ean %or roo*# Btton %or shirt# Trn )own the ra)io# Go get a
hairct# An) )on@t forget to ta?e ot the gar(ageHG O$er a "erio) of ti*e7 the
with)rawa!s far e<cee) the )e"osits#
Now7 s""ose this son is in the "rocess of *a?ing so*e i*"ortant )ecisions
that wi!! affect the rest of his !ife# Bt the trst !e$e! is so !ow an) the
co**nication "rocess so c!ose)7 *echanica!7 an) nsatisf%ing that he
si*"!% wi!! not (e o"en to %or conse!# Yo *a% ha$e the wis)o* an) the
?now!e)ge to he!" hi*7 (t (ecase %or accont is so o$er)rawn7 he wi!!
en) " *a?ing his )ecisions fro* a short,range e*otiona! "ers"ecti$e7
which *a% we!! res!t in *an% negati$e !ong,range conseFences#
Yo nee) a "ositi$e (a!ance to co**nicate on these ten)er isses# 0hat )o
%o )oB
0hat wo!) ha""en if %o starte) *a?ing )e"osits into the
1KJ
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
re!ationshi"B -a%(e the o""ortnit% co*es " to )o hi* a !itt!e ?in)nessA
to (ring ho*e a *agaCine on s?ate(oar)ing7 if that=s his interest7 or Dst to
wa!? " to hi* when he@s wor?ing on a "roDect an) offer to he!"# Perha"s
%o co!) in$ite hi* to go to a *o$ie with %o or ta?e hi* ot for so*e ice
crea*# Pro(a(!% the *ost i*"ortant )e"osit %o co!) *a?e wo!) (e Dst to
!isten7 withot D)ging or "reaching or rea)ing %or own ato(iogra"h% into
what he sa%s# >st !isten an) see? to n)erstan)# Let hi* fee! %or concern
for hi*7 %or acce"tance of hi* as a "erson#
He *a% not res"on) at first# He *a% e$en (e ss"icios# G0hat=s &a) " to
nowB 0hat techniFe is -o* tr%ing on *e this ti*eBG Bt as those genine
)e"osits ?ee" co*ing7 the% (egin to a)) "# That o$er)rawn (a!ance is
shrin?ing#
Re*e*(er that Fic? fi< is a *irage# Bi!)ing an) re"airing re!ationshi"s
ta?es ti*e# If %o (eco*e i*"atient with his a""arent !ac? of res"onse or his
see*ing ingratit)e7 %o *a% *a?e hge with)rawa!s an) n)o a!! the goo)
%o@$e )one# GAfter a!! we@$e )one for %o7 the sacrifices we@$e *a)e7 how
can %o (e so ngratef!B 0e tr% to (e nice an) %o act !i?e this# I can@t
(e!ie$e itHG
It=s har) not to get i*"atient# It ta?es character to (e "roacti$e7 to focs on
%or Circ!e of Inf!ence7 to nrtre growing things7 an) not to G"!! " the
f!owers to see how the roots are co*ing#G
Bt there rea!!% is no Fic? fi<# Bi!)ing an) re"airing re!ationshi"s are
!ong,ter* in$est*ents#
Si< -aDor &e"osits
Let *e sggest si< *aDor )e"osits that (i!) the E*otiona! Ban? Accont#
.n)erstan)ing the In)i$i)a!
Rea!!% see?ing to n)erstan) another "erson is "ro(a(!% one of the *ost
i*"ortant )e"osits %o can *a?e7 an) it is the ?e% to e$er% other )e"osit#
Yo si*"!% )on@t ?now what constittes a )e"osit to another "erson nti!
%o n)erstan) that in)i$i)a!# 0hat *ight (e a )e"osit for %oAgoing for
a wa!? to ta!? things o$er7 going ot for ice crea* together7 wor?ing on a
co**on "roDectA*ight not (e "ercei$e) (% so*eone e!se as a )e"osit at
a!!# It *ight e$en (e "ercei$e) as a with)rawa!7 if it )oesn@t toch the
"erson@s )ee" interests or nee)s#
One "erson@s *ission is another "erson@s *intia# To *a?e a
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE
1K1
)e"osit7 what is i*"ortant to another "erson *st (e as i*"ortant to %o as
the other "erson is to %o# Yo *a% (e wor?ing on a high "riorit% "roDect
when %or si<,%ear,o!) chi!) interr"ts with so*ething that see*s tri$ia! to
%o7 (t it *a% (e $er% i*"ortant fro* his "oint of $iew# It ta?es Ha(it 2 to
recogniCe an) reco**it %orse!f to the $a!e of that "erson an) Ha(it 3 to
s(or)inate %or sche)!e to that h*an "riorit%# B% acce"ting the $a!e he
"!aces on what he has to sa%7 %o show an n)erstan)ing of hi* that *a?es
a great )e"osit#
I ha$e a frien) whose son )e$e!o"e) an a$i) interest in (ase(a!!# -% frien)
wasn@t intereste) in (ase(a!! at a!!# Bt one s**er7 he too? his son to see
e$er% *aDor !eage tea* "!a% one ga*e# The tri" too? o$er si< wee?s an)
cost a great )ea! of *one%7 (t it (eca*e a "owerf! (on)ing e<"erience in
their re!ationshi"#
-% frien) was as?e) on his retrn7 G&o %o !i?e (ase(a!! that *chBG
GNo7G he re"!ie)7 G(t I !i?e *% son that *ch#
I ha$e another frien)7 a co!!ege "rofessor7 who ha) a terri(!e re!ationshi"
with his teenage son# This *an@s entire !ife was essentia!!% aca)e*ic7 an) he
fe!t his son was tota!!% wasting his !ife (% wor?ing with his han)s instea) of
wor?ing to )e$e!o" his *in)# As a res!t7 he was a!*ost constant!% on the
(o%@s (ac?7 an)7 in *o*ents of regret7 he wo!) tr% to *a?e )e"osits that
Dst )i)n@t wor?# The (o% "ercei$e) the gestres as new for*s of reDection7
co*"arison7 an) D)g*ent7 an) the% "reci"itate) hge with)rawa!s# The
re!ationshi" was trning sor7 an) it was (rea?ing the father@s heart# U
One )a% I share) with hi* this "rinci"!e of *a?ing what is i*"ortant to the
other "erson as i*"ortant to %o as the other "erson is to %o# He too? it
)ee"!% to heart# He engage) his son in a "roDect to (i!) a *iniatre 0a!! of
China aron) their ho*e# It was a cons*ing "roDect7 an) the% wor?e) si)e
(% si)e on it for o$er a %ear an) a ha!f#
Throgh that (on)ing e<"erience7 the son *o$e) throgh that "hase in his
!ife an) into an increase) )esire to )e$e!o" his *in)# Bt the rea! (enefit
was what ha""ene) to the re!ationshi"# Instea) of a sore s"ot7 it (eca*e a
sorce of Do% an) strength to (oth father an) son#
1K2
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Or ten)enc% is to "roDect ot of or own ato(iogra"hies what we thin?
other "eo"!e want or nee)# 0e "roDect or intentions on the (eha$ior of
others# 0e inter"ret what constittes a )e"osit (ase) on or own nee)s an)
)esires7 either now or when we were at a si*i!ar age or stage in !ife# If the%
)on@t inter"ret or effort as a )e"osit7 or ten)enc% is to ta?e it as a reDection
of or we!! intentione) effort an) to gi$e "#
The Go!)en R!e sa%s to G&o nto others as %o wo!) ha$e others )o nto
%o#G 0hi!e on the srface that co!) *ean to )o for the* what %o wo!)
!i?e to ha$e )one for %o7 I thin? the *ore essentia! *eaning is to
n)erstan) the* )ee"!% as in)i$i)a!s7 the wa% %o wo!) want to (e
n)erstoo)7 an) then to treat the* in ter*s of that n)erstan)ing# As one
sccessf! "arent sai) a(ot raising chi!)ren7 GTreat the* a!! the sa*e (%
treating the* )ifferent!%#G
Atten)ing to the Litt!e Things
The !itt!e ?in)nesses an) cortesies are so i*"ortant# S*a!! )iscortesies7
!itt!e n?in)ness7 !itt!e for*s of )isres"ect *a?e !arge with)rawa!s# In
re!ationshi"s7 the !itt!e things are the (ig things#
I re*e*(er an e$ening I s"ent with two of *% sons so*e %ears ago# It was
an organiCe) father an) son oting7 co*"!ete with g%*nastics7 wrest!ing
*atches7 hot)ogs7 orangea)e7 an) a *o$ieAthe wor?s#
In the *i))!e of the *o$ie7 Sean7 who was then for %ears o!)7 fe!! as!ee" in
his seat# His o!)er (rother7 Ste"hen7 who was si<7 sta%e) awa?e7 an) we
watche) the rest of the *o$ie together# 0hen it was o$er7 I "ic?e) Sean "
in *% ar*s7 carrie) hi* ot to the car an) !ai) hi* in the (ac? seat# It was
$er% co!) that night7 so I too? off *% coat an) gent!% arrange) it o$er an)
aron) hi*#
0hen we arri$e) ho*e7 I Fic?!% carrie) Sean in an) tc?e) hi* into (e)#
After Ste"hen "t on his GDa**ies@ an) (rshe) his teeth7 I !a% )own ne<t to
hi* to ta!? a(ot the night ot together#
GHow@) %o !i?e it7 Ste"henBG
GFine7G he answere)#
G&i) %o ha$e fnBG
GYes#G
G0hat )i) %o !i?e *ostBG
GI )on@t ?now# The tra*"o!ine7 I gess#G
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE 1K3
GThat was Fite a thing7 wasn@t itA)oing those so*ersa!ts an) tric?s in the
air !i?e thatBG
There wasn@t *ch res"onse on his "art# I fon) *%se!f *a?ing
con$ersation# I won)ere) wh% Ste"hen wo!)n@t o"en " *ore# He sa!!%
)i) when e<citing things ha""ene)# I was a !itt!e )isa""ointe)# I sense)
so*ething was wrongE he ha) (een so Fiet on the wa% ho*e an) getting
rea)% for (e)#
S))en!% Ste"hen trne) o$er on his si)e7 facing the wa!!# I won)ere) wh%
an) !ifte) *%se!f " Dst enogh to see his e%es we!!ing " with tears#
G0hat@s wrong7 hone%B 0hat is itBG
He trne) (ac?7 an) I co!) sense he was fee!ing so*e e*(arrass*ent for
the tears an) his Fi$ering !i"s an) chin#
G&a))%7 if I were co!)7 wo!) %o "t %or coat aron) *e7 tooBG
Of a!! the e$ents of that s"ecia! night ot together7 the *ost i*"ortant was a
!itt!e act of ?in)nessAa *o*entar%7 nconscios showing of !o$e to his
!itt!e (rother#
0hat a "owerf!7 "ersona! !esson that e<"erience was to *e then an) is e$en
now# Peo"!e are $er% ten)er7 $er% sensiti$e insi)e# I )on@t (e!ie$e age or
e<"erience *a?es *ch )ifference# Insi)e7 e$en within the *ost toghene)
an) ca!!ose) e<teriors7 are the ten)er fee!ings an) e*otions of the heart#
'ee"ing Co**it*ents
'ee"ing a co**it*ent or a "ro*ise is a *aDor )e"ositE (rea?ing one is a
*aDor with)rawa!# In fact7 there@s "ro(a(!% not a *ore *assi$e with)rawa!
than to *a?e a "ro*ise that@s i*"ortant to so*eone an) then not to co*e
throgh# The ne<t ti*e a "ro*ise is *a)e7 the% won@t (e!ie$e it# Peo"!e ten)
to (i!) their ho"es aron) "ro*ises7 "artic!ar!% "ro*ises a(ot their (asic
!i$e!ihoo)#
I@$e trie) to a)o"t a "hi!oso"h% as a "arent ne$er to *a?e a "ro*ise I )on@t
?ee"# I therefore tr% to *a?e the* $er% caref!!%7 $er% s"aring!%7 an) to (e
aware of as *an% $aria(!es an) contingencies as "ossi(!e so that so*ething
)oesn@t s))en!% co*e " to ?ee" *e fro* f!fi!!ing it#
Occasiona!!%7 )es"ite a!! *% effort7 the ne<"ecte) )oes co*e "7 creating a
sitation where it wo!) (e nwise or i*"ossi(!e to ?ee" a "ro*ise I@$e
*a)e# Bt I $a!e that "ro*ise# I either ?ee"
1K4 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
it an%wa%7 or e<"!ain the sitation thorogh!% to the "erson in$o!$e) an) as?
to (e re!ease) fro* the "ro*ise
I (e!ie$e that if %o c!ti$ate the ha(it of a!wa%s ?ee"ing the "ro*ises %o
*a?e7 %o (i!) (ri)ges of trst that s"an the ga"s of n)erstan)ing (etween
%o an) %or chi!)# Then7 when Sor chi!) wants to )o so*ething %o )on@t
want hi* to )o7 an) ot of %or *atrit% %o can see conseFences that the
chi!) cannot see %o can sa%7 GSon7 if %o )o this7 I "ro*ise %o that this
wi!! (e the res!t# If that chi!) has c!ti$ate) trst in %or wor)7 in %or
"ro*ises7 he wi!! act on %or conse!#
C!arif%ing E<"ectations
I*agine the )iffic!t% %o *ight enconter if %o an) %or (oss ha)
)ifferent ass*"tions regar)ing whose ro!e it was to create %or Do(
)escri"tion#
0hen a* I going to get *% Do( )escri"tionBG %o *ight as? I;$e (een
waiting for %o to (ring one to *e so that we co!) )iscss it7G %or (oss
*ight re"!%# GI thoght )efining *% Do( was %or ro!e#G GThat@s not *% ro!e
at a!!# &on@t %o re*e*(erB Right fro* the first I sai) that how %o )o in the
Do( !arge!% )e"en)s on %o G I thoght %o *eant that the Fa!it% of *% Do(
)e"en)e) on *e# Bt I )on t e$en ?now what *% Do( rea!!% is G
.nc!ear e<"ectations in the area of goa!s a!so n)er*ine co**nication an)
trst#
GI )i) e<act!% what %o as?e) *e to )o an) here is the re"ort G GI )on@t want
a re"ort# The goa! was to so!$e the "ro(!e*,not to ana!%Ce it an) re"ort on
it#G
GI thoght the goa! was to get a han)!e on the "ro(!e* so we co!) )e!egate
it to so*eone e!se#G
How *an% ti*es ha$e we ha) these ?in)s of con$ersationsB #
GYo sai) ###G
GNo7 %o@re wrongH I sai) ###G
GYo )i) notH Yo ne$er sai) I was s""ose) to # # G
GOh7 %es I )i)H I c!ear!% sai) ###G
GYo ne$er e$en *entione) ###G
GBt that was or agree*ent ###G
The case of a!*ost a!! re!ationshi"U )iffic!ties is roote) in conf!icting or
a*(igos e<"ectations aron) ro!es an) goa!s 0hether we are )ea!ing with
the Festion of who )oes what at wor?7 how %o co**nicate with %or
)aghter when %o te!!
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE
1K6
her to c!ean her roo*7 or who fee)s the fish an) ta?es ot the gar(age7 we
can (e certain that nc!ear e<"ectations wi!! !ea) to *isn)erstan)ing7
)isa""oint*ent7 an) with)rawa!s of trst#
-an% e<"ectations are i*"!icit# The% ha$en@t (een e<"!icit!% state) or
annonce)7 (t "eo"!e ne$erthe!ess (ring the* to a "artic!ar sitation7# In
*arriage7 for e<a*"!e7 a *an an) a wo*an ha$e i*"!icit e<"ectations of
each other in their *arriage ro!es# A!thogh these e<"ectations ha$e not
(een )iscsse)7 or so*eti*es e$en recogniCe) (% the "erson who has the*7
f!fi!!ing the* *a?es great )e"osits in the re!ationshi" an) $io!ating the*
*a?es with)rawa!s#
That@s wh% it@s so i*"ortant whene$er %o co*e into a new sitation to get
a!! the e<"ectations ot on the ta(!e# Peo"!e wi!! (egin to D)ge each other
throgh those e<"ectations# An) if the% fee! !i?e their (asic e<"ectations
ha$e (een $io!ate)7 the reser$e of trst is )i*inishe)# 0e create *an%
negati$e sitations (% si*"!% ass*ing that or e<"ectations are se!f,e$i)ent
an) that the% are c!ear!% n)erstoo) an) share) (% other "eo"!e#
The )e"osit is to *a?e the e<"ectations c!ear an) e<"!icit in the (eginning#
This ta?es a rea! in$est*ent of ti*e an) effort " front7 (t it sa$es great
a*onts of ti*e an) effort )own the roa)# 0hen e<"ectations are not c!ear
an) share)7 "eo"!e (egin to (eco*e e*otiona!!% in$o!$e) an) si*"!e
*isn)erstan)ings (eco*e co*"on)e)7 trning into "ersona!it% c!ashes
an) co**nication (rea?)owns#
C!arif%ing e<"ectations so*eti*es ta?es a great )ea! of corage# It see*s
easier to act as thogh )ifferences )on@t e<ist an) to ho"e things wi!! wor?
ot than it is to face the )ifferences an) wor? together to arri$e at a *ta!!%
agreea(!e set of e<"ectations#
Showing Persona! Integrit%
Persona! Integrit% generates trst an) is the (asis of *an% )ifferent ?in)s of
)e"osits#
Lac? of integrit% can n)er*ine a!*ost an% other effort to create high trst
acconts# Peo"!e can see? to n)erstan)7 re*e*(er the !itt!e things7 ?ee"
their "ro*ises7 c!arif% an) f!fi!! e<"ectations7 an) sti!! fai! to (i!) reser$es
of trst if the% are inwar)!% )"!icitos#
Integrit% inc!)es (t goes (e%on) honest%# Honest% is te!!ing the trthAin
other wor)s7 confor*ing or wor)s to rea!it%# Integrit% is confor*ing rea!it%
to or wor)sAin other wor)s7 ?ee"ing "ro*ises
1K8
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
an) f!fi!!ing e<"ectations# This reFires an integrate) character7 a oneness7
"ri*ari!% with se!f (t a!so with !ife#
One of the *ost i*"ortant wa%s to *anifest integrit% is to (e !o%a! to those
who are not "resent# In )oing so7 we (i!) the trst of those who are "resent#
0hen %o )efen) those who are a(sent7 %o retain the trst of those "resent#
S""ose %o an) I were ta!?ing a!one7 an) we were criticiCing or
s"er$isor in a wa% that we wo!) not )are to )o if he were "resent# Now
what wi!! ha""en when %o an) I ha$e a fa!!ing otB Yo ?now I@* going to
(e )iscssing %or wea?nesses with so*eone e!se# That=s what %o an) I )i)
(ehin) or s"er$isor@s (ac?# Yo ?now *% natre# I@!! sweet,ta!? %o to
%or face an) (a),*oth %o (ehin) %or (ac?# Yo@$e seen *e )o it#
That=s the essence of )"!icit%# &oes that (i!) a reser$e of trst in *%
accont with %oB
On the other han)7 s""ose %o were to start criticiCing or s"er$isor an) I
(asica!!% to!) %o I agree with the content of so*e of the criticis* an)
sggest that the two of s go )irect!% to hi* an) *a?e an effecti$e
"resentation on how things *ight (e i*"ro$e)# Then what wo!) %o ?now
I wo!) )o it so*eone were to criticiCe %o to *e (ehin) %or (ac?B
For another e<a*"!e7 s""ose in *% effort to (i!) a re!ationshi" with %o7 I
to!) %o so*ething so*eone e!se ha) share) with *e in confi)ence# GI rea!!%
sho!)n@t te!! %o this7G I *ight sa%7 G(t since %o@re *% frien)# ###G 0o!)
*% (etra%ing another "erson (i!) *% trst accont with %oB Or wo!) %o
won)er if the things %o ha) to!) *e in confi)ence were (eing share) with
othersB
Sch )"!icit% *ight a""ear to (e *a?ing a )e"osit with the "erson %o@re
with7 (t it is acta!!% a with)rawa! (ecase %o co**nicate %or own
!ac? of integrit%# Yo *a% get the go!)en egg of te*"orar% "!easre fro*
"tting so*eone )own or sharing "ri$i!ege) infor*ation7 (t %o@re
strang!ing the goose7 wea?ening the re!ationshi" that "ro$i)es en)ring
"!easre in association#
Integrit% in an inter)e"en)ent rea!it% is si*"!% thisL %o treat e$er%one (%
the sa*e set of "rinci"!es# As %o )o7 "eo"!e wi!! co*e to trst %o# The%
*a% not at first a""reciate the honest 7 confrontationa! e<"eriences sch
integrit% *ight generate# Confrontation ta?es consi)era(!e corage7 an)
*an% "eo"!e wo!) "refer to ta?e the corse of !east resistance7 (e!itt!ing
an) criticiCing7 (etra%ing confi)ences7 or "artici"ating in gossi" a(ot others
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE 1K:
(ehin) their (ac?s# Bt in the !ong rn7 "eo"!e wi!! trst an) res"ect %o if
%o are honest an) o"en an) ?in) with the*# Yo care enogh to confront#
An) to (e trste)7 it is sai)7 is greater than to (e !o$e)# In the !ong rn7 I a*
con$ince)7 to (e trste) wi!! (e a!so to (e !o$e)#
0hen *% son >osha was Fite %ong7 he wo!) freFent!% as? *e a so!,
searching Festion# 0hene$er I o$erreacte) to so*eone e!se or was the !east
(it i*"atient or n?in)7 he was so $!nera(!e an) so honest an) or
re!ationshi" was so goo) that he wo!) si*"!% !oo? *e in the e%e an) sa%7
G&a)7 )o %o !o$e *eBG If he thoght I was (rea?ing a (asic "rinci"!e of !ife
towar) so*eone e!se7 he won)ere) if I wo!)n@t (rea? it with hi*#
As a teacher7 as we!! as a "arent7 I ha$e fon) that the ?e% to the ninet%,nine
is the oneA"artic!ar!% the one that is testing the "atience an) the goo)
h*or of the *an%# It is the !o$e an) the )isci"!ine of the one st)ent7 the
one chi!)7 that co**nicates !o$e for the others# It@s how %o treat the one
that re$ea!s how %o regar) the ninet%,nine7 (ecase e$er%one is !ti*ate!%
a one#
Integrit% a!so *eans a$oi)ing an% co**nication that is )ece"ti$e7 f!! of
gi!e7 or (eneath the )ignit% of "eo"!e# GA !ie is an% co**nication with
intent to )ecei$e7G accor)ing to one )efinition of the wor)# 0hether we
co**nicate with wor)s or (eha$ior7 if we ha$e integrit%7 or intent cannot
(e to )ecei$e#
A"o!ogiCing Sincere!% 0hen Yo -a?e a 0ith)rawa!
0hen we *a?e with)rawa!s fro* the E*otiona! Ban? Accont7 we nee) to
a"o!ogiCe an) we nee) to )o it sincere!%# Great )e"osits co*e in the sincere
wor)sL
GI was wrong#G
GThat was n?in) of *e#G
GI showe) %o no res"ect#G
GI ga$e %o no )ignit%7 an) I@* )ee"!% sorr%#G
GI e*(arrasse) %o in front of %or frien)s an) I ha) no ca!! to )o that# E$en
thogh I wante) to *a?e a "oint7 I ne$er sho!) ha$e )one it# I a"o!ogiCe#G
It ta?es a great )ea! of character strength to a"o!ogiCe Fic?!% ot of one@s
heart rather than ot of "it%# A "erson *st "ossess hi*se!f an) ha$e a )ee"
sense of secrit% in fn)a*enta! "rinci"!es an) $a!es in or)er to genine!%
a"o!ogiCe#
Peo"!e with !itt!e interna! secrit% can@t )o it# It *a?es the* too
1KI
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
$!nera(!e# The% fee! it *a?es the* a""ear soft an) wea?7 an) the% fear that
others wi!! ta?e a)$antage of their wea?ness# Their secrit% is (ase) on the
o"inions of other "eo"!e7 an) the% worr% a(ot what others *ight thin?# In
a))ition7 the% sa!!% fee! Dstifie) in what the% )i)# The% rationa!iCe their
own wrong in the na*e of the other "erson@s wrong7 ari) if the% a"o!ogiCe at
a!!7 ifs s"erficia!#
GIf %o@re going to (ow7 (ow !ow7 G sa%s Eastern wis)o*# GPa% the tter*ost
farthing7G sa%s the Christian ethic# To (e a )e"osit7 an a"o!og% *st (e
sincere# An) it *st (e "ercei$e) as sincere#
Leo Ros?in taght7 GIt is the wea? who are cre!# Gent!eness can on!% (e
e<"ecte) fro* the strong#G
I was in *% office at ho*e one afternoon writing7 of a!! things7 on the
s(Dect of "atience# I co!) hear the (o%B rnning " an) )own the ha!!
*a?ing !o) (anging noises7 an) I co!) fee! *% own "atience (eginning to
wane#
S))en!%7 *% son &a$i) starte) "on)ing on the (athroo* )oor7 %e!!ing at
the to" of his !ngs7 GLet *e inH Let *e inHG
I rshe) ot of the office an) s"o?e to hi* with great intensit%# G&a$i)7 )o
%o ha$e an% i)ea how )istr(ing that is to *eB &o %o ?now how har) it is
to tr% to concentrate an) write creati$e!%B Now7 %o go into %or roo* an)
sta% in there nti! %o can (eha$e %orse!f#G So in he went7 )eDecte)7 an)
sht the )oor#
As I trne) aron)7 I (eca*e aware of another "ro(!e*# The (o%s ha) (een
"!a%ing tac?!e foot(a!! in the for,foot,wi)e ha!!wa%7 an) one of the* ha)
(een e!(owe) in the *oth# He was !%ing there in the ha!!7 (!ee)ing fro* the
*oth# &a$i)7 I )isco$ere)7 ha) gone to the (athroo* to get a wet towe! for
hi*# Bt his sister7 -aria7 who was ta?ing a shower7 wo!)n@t o"en the )oor#
0hen I rea!iCe) that I ha) co*"!ete!% *isinter"rete) the sitation an) ha)
o$erreacte)7 I i**e)iate!% went in to a"o!ogiCe to &a$i)#
As I o"ene) the )oor7 the first thing he sai) to *e was7 GI won@t forgi$e %o#G
G0e!!7 wh% not7 hone%BG I re"!ie)# GHonest!%7 I )i)n@t rea!iCe %o were tr%ing
to he!" %or (rother# 0h% won@t %o forgi$e *eBG
GBecase %o )i) the sa*e thing !ast wee?7G he re"!ie)# In other wor)s7 he
was sa%ing7 G&a)7 %o@re o$er)rawn7 an) %o@re not going to ta!? %or wa%
ot of a "ro(!e* %o (eha$e) %orse!f into#G
Para)ig*s of inter)e"en)ence
1KK
Sincere a"o!ogies *a?e )e"ositsE re"eate) a"o!ogies inter"rete) as insincere
*a?e with)rawa!s# An) the Fa!it% of the re!ationshi" ref!ects it#
It is one thing to *a?e a *ista?e7 an) Fite another thing not to a)*it it#
Peo"!e wi!! forgi$e *ista?es7 (ecase *ista?es are sa!!% of the *in)7
*ista?es of D)g*ent# Bt "eo"!e wi!! not easi!% forgi$e the *ista?es of the
heart7 the i!! intention7 the (a) *oti$es7 the "ri)ef! Dstif%ing co$er," of
the first *ista?e#
The Laws of Lo$e an) the Laws of Life
0hen we *a?e )e"osits of ncon)itiona! !o$e7 when we !i$e the "ri*ar%
!aws of !o$e7 we encorage others to !i$e the "ri*ar% !aws of !ife# In other
wor)s7 when we tr!% !o$e others withot con)ition7 withot strings7 we he!"
the* fee! secre an) safe an) $a!i)ate) an) affir*e) in their essentia! worth7
i)entit%7 an) integrit%# Their natra! growth "rocess is encorage)# 0e *a?e
it easier for the* to !i$e the !aws of !ifeAcoo"eration7 contri(tion7 se!f,
)isci"!ine7 integrit%Aan) to )isco$er an) !i$e tre to the highest an) (est
within the*# 0e gi$e the* the free)o* to act on their own inner
i*"erati$es rather than react to or con)itions an) !i*itations# This )oes not
*ean we (eco*e "er*issi$e or soft# That itse!f is a *assi$e with)rawa!# 0e
conse!7 we "!ea)7 we set !i*its an) conseFences# Bt we !o$e7 regar)!ess#
0hen we $io!ate the "ri*ar% !aws of !o$eAwhen we attach strings an)
con)itions to that giftAwe acta!!% encorage others to $io!ate the "ri*ar%
!aws of !ife# 0e "t the* in a reacti$e7 )efensi$e "osition where the% fee!
the% ha$e to "ro$e GI *atter as a "erson7 in)e"en)ent of %o#G
In rea!it%7 the% aren@t in)e"en)ent# The% are conter,)e"en)ent7 which is
another for* of )e"en)enc% an) is at the !owest en) of the -atrit%
Contin*# The% (eco*e reacti$e7 a!*ost ene*%,centere)7 *ore concerne)
a(ot )efen)ing their GrightsG an) "ro)cing e$i)ence of their in)i$i)a!it%
than the% are a(ot "roacti$e!% !istening to an) honoring their own inner
i*"erati$es#
Re(e!!ion is a ?not of the heart7 not of the *in)# The ?e% is to *a?e )e"osits
Aconstant )e"osits of ncon)itiona! !o$e#
I once ha) a frien) who was )ean of a $er% "restigios schoo!#U He "!anne)
an) sa$e) for %ears to "ro$i)e his son the o""ortnit%
@ So*e of the )etai!s of this stor% ha$e (een change) to "rotect the "ri$ac%
of those in$o!$e)#
2JJ THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
to atten) that instittion7 (t when the ti*e ca*e7 the (o% refse) to go#
This )ee"!% concerne) his father# Gra)ating fro* that "artic!ar schoo!
wo!) ha$e (een a great asset to the (o%# Besi)es7 it was a fa*i!% tra)ition#
Three generations of atten)ance "rece)e) the (o%# The father "!ea)e) an)
rge) an) ta!?e)# He a!so trie) to !isten to the (o% to n)erstan) hi*7 a!! the
whi!e ho"ing that the son wo!) change his *in)#
The s(t!e *essage (eing co**nicate) was one of con)itiona! !o$e# The
son fe!t that in a sense the father@s )esire for hi* to atten) the schoo!
otweighe) the $a!e he "!ace) on hi* as a "erson an) as a son7 which was
terri(!% threatening# ConseFent!%7 he foght for an) with his own i)entit%
an) integrit%7 an) he increase) in his reso!$e an) his efforts to rationa!iCe his
)ecision not to go#
After so*e intense so!,searching7 the father )eci)e) to *a?e a sacrificeAto
renonce con)itiona! !o$e# He ?new that his son *ight choose )ifferent!%
than he ha) wishe)E ne$erthe!ess7 he an) his wife reso!$e) to !o$e their son
ncon)itiona!!%7 regar)!ess of his choice# It was an e<tre*e!% )iffic!t thing
to )o (ecase the $a!e of his e)cationa! e<"erience was so c!ose to their
hearts an) (ecase it was so*ething the% ha) "!anne) an) wor?e) for since
his (irth#
The father an) *other went throgh a $er% )iffic!t rescri"ting "rocess7
strgg!ing to rea!!% n)erstan) the natre of ncon)itiona! !o$e# The%
co**nicate) to the (o% what the% were )oing an) wh%7 an) to!) hi* that
the% ha) co*e to the "oint at which the% co!) sa% in a!! honest% that his
)ecision wo!) not affect their co*"!ete fee!ing of ncon)itiona! !o$e
towar) hi*# The% )i)n@t )o this to *ani"!ate hi*7 to tr% to get hi* to
Gsha"e "#G The% )i) it as the !ogica! e<tension of their growth an)
character#
The (o% )i)n@t gi$e *ch of a res"onse at the ti*e7 (t his "arents ha) sch
a "ara)ig* of ncon)itiona! !o$e at that "oint that it wo!) ha$e *a)e no
)ifference in their fee!ings for hi*# A(ot a wee? !ater7 he to!) his "arents
that he ha) )eci)e) not to go# The% were "erfect!% "re"are) for this res"onse
an) contine) to show ncon)itiona! !o$e for hi*# E$er%thing was sett!e)
an) !ife went a!ong nor*a!!%#
A short ti*e !ater7 an interesting thing ha""ene)# Now that the (o% no !onger
fe!t he ha) to )efen) hisG "osition7 he searche) within hi*se!f *ore )ee"!%
an) fon) that he rea!!% )i) want to ha$e this e)cationa! e<"erience# He
a""!ie) for a)*ission7 an)
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE 2J1
then he to!) his father7 who again showe) ncon)itiona! !o$e (% f!!%
acce"ting his son@s )ecision# -% frien) was ha""%7 (t not e<cessi$e!% so7
(ecase he ha) tr!% !earne) to !o$e withot con)ition#
&ag Ha**ars?Do!)7 "ast Secretar%,Genera! of the .nite) Nations7 once
*a)e a "rofon)7 far,reaching state*entL GIt is *ore no(!e to gi$e %orse!f
co*"!ete!% to one in)i$i)a! than to !a(or )i!igent!% for the sa!$ation of the
*asses#G
I ta?e that to *ean that I co!) )e$ote eight7 ten7 or twe!$e hors a )a%7 fi$e7
si<7 or se$en )a%s a wee? to the thosan)s of "eo"!e an) "roDects Got thereG
an) sti!! not ha$e a )ee"7 *eaningf! re!ationshi" with *% own s"ose7 with
*% own teenage son7 with *% c!osest wor?ing associate# An) it wo!) ta?e
*ore no(i!it% of characterA*ore h*i!it%7 corage7 an) strengthAto
re(i!) that one re!ationshi" than it wo!) to contine "tting in a!! those
hors for a!! those "eo"!e an) cases#
In twent%,fi$e %ears of cons!ting with organiCations7 I ha$e (een i*"resse)
o$er an) o$er again (% the "ower of that state*ent# -an% of the "ro(!e*s in
organiCations ste* fro* re!ationshi" )iffic!ties at the $er% to"A(etween
two "artners in a "rofessiona! fir*7 (etween the owner an) the "resi)ent of a
co*"an%7 (etween the "resi)ent an) an e<ecti$e $ice,"resi)ent# It tr!%
ta?es *ore no(i!it% of character to confront an) reso!$e those isses than it
)oes to contine to )i!igent!% wor? for the *an% "roDects an) "eo"!e Got
there#G
0hen I first ca*e across Ha**ars?Do!)@s state*ent7 I was wor?ing in an
organiCation where there were nc!ear e<"ectations (etween the in)i$i)a!
who was *% right,han) *an an) *%se!f# I si*"!% )i) not ha$e the corage
to confront or )ifferences regar)ing ro!e an) goa! e<"ectations an) $a!es7
"artic!ar!% in or *etho)s of a)*inistration# So I wor?e) for a n*(er of
*onths in a co*"ro*ise *o)e to a$oi) what *ight trn ot to (e an g!%
confrontation# A!! the whi!e7 (a) fee!ings were )e$e!o"ing insi)e (oth of s#
After rea)ing that it is *ore no(!e to gi$e %orse!f co*"!ete!% to *e
in)i$i)a! than to !a(or )i!igent!% for the sa!$ation of the *asses7 I was
)ee"!% affecte) (% the i)ea of re(i!)ing that re!ationshi"
I ha) to stee! *%se!f for what !a% ahea)7 (ecase I ?new it wo!) (e har) to
rea!!% get the isses ot an) to achie$e a )ee"7 co**on
2J2
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
n)erstan)ing an) co**it*ent# I re*e*(er acta!!% sha?ing in antici"ation
of the $isit# He see*e) !i?e sch a har) *an7 so set in his own wa%s an) so
right in his own e%esE %et I nee)e) his strengths an) a(i!ities# I was afrai) a
confrontation *ight Deo"ar)iCe the re!ationshi" an) res!t in *% !osing those
strengths#
I went throgh a *enta! )ress rehearsa! of the antici"ate) $isit7 an) I fina!!%
(eca*e sett!e) within *%se!f aron) the "rinci"!es rather than the "ractices
of what I was going to )o an) sa%# At !ast I fe!t "eace of *in) an) the
corage to ha$e the co**nication#
0hen we *et together7 to *% tota! sr"rise7 I )isco$ere) that this *an ha)
(een going throgh the $er% sa*e "rocess an) ha) (een !onging for sch a
con$ersation# He was an%thing (t har) an) )efensi$e#
Ne$erthe!ess7 or a)*inistrati$e st%!es were consi)era(!% )ifferent7 an) the
entire organiCation was res"on)ing to these )ifferences# 0e (oth
ac?now!e)ge) the "ro(!e*s that or )isnit% ha) create)# O$er se$era!
$isits7 we were a(!e to confront the )ee"er isses7 to get the* a!! ot on the
ta(!e7 an) to reso!$e the*7 one (% one7 with a s"irit of high *ta! res"ect#
0e were a(!e to )e$e!o" a "owerf! co*"!e*entar% tea* an) a )ee"
"ersona! affection which a))e) tre*en)os!% to or a(i!it% to wor?
effecti$e!% together#
Creating the nit% necessar% to rn an effecti$e (siness or a fa*i!% or a
*arriage reFires great "ersona! strength an) corage# No a*ont of
technica! a)*inistrati$e s?i!! in !a(oring for the *asses can *a?e " for !ac?
of no(i!it% of "ersona! character in )e$e!o"ing re!ationshi"s# It is at a $er%
essentia!7 one,on,one !e$e!7 that we !i$e the "ri*ar% !aws of !o$e an) !ife#
P Pro(!e*s Are PC O""ortnities
This e<"erience a!so taght *e another "owerf! "ara)ig* of
inter)e"en)ence# It )ea!s with the wa% in which we see "ro(!e*s# I ha) !i$e)
for *onths tr%ing to a$oi) the "ro(!e*7 seeing it as a sorce of irritation7 a
st*(!ing (!oc?7 an) wishing it wo!) so*ehow go awa%# Bt7 as it trne)
ot7 the $er% "ro(!e* create) the o""ortnit% to (i!) a )ee" re!ationshi"
that e*"owere) s to wor? together as a strong co*"!e*entar% tea*#
I sggest that in an inter)e"en)ent sitation7 e$er% P "ro(!e* is a PC
o""ortnit%Aa chance to (i!) the E*otiona! Ban? Acconts that
significant!% affect inter)e"en)ent "ro)ction#
PARA&IG-S OF INTER&EPEN&ENCE 2J3
0hen "arents see their chi!)ren@s "ro(!e*s as o""ortnities to (i!) the
re!ationshi" instea) of as negati$e7 (r)enso*e irritations7 it tota!!% changes
the natre of "arent,chi!) interaction# Parents (eco*e *ore wi!!ing7 e$en
e<cite)7 a(ot )ee"!% n)erstan)ing an) he!"ing their chi!)ren# 0hen a chi!)
co*es to the* with a "ro(!e*7 instea) of thin?ing7 GOh7 noH Not another
"ro(!e*HG their "ara)ig* is7 GHere is a great o""ortnit% for *e to rea!!%
he!" *% chi!) an) to in$est in or re!ationshi"#G -an% interactions change
fro* transactiona! to transfor*ationa!7 an) strong (on)s of !o$e an) trst are
create) as chi!)ren sense the $a!e "arents gi$e to their "ro(!e*s an) to
the* as in)i$i)a!s#
This "ara)ig* is "owerf! in (siness as we!!# One )e"art*ent store chain
that o"erates fro* this "ara)ig* has create) a great !o%a!t% a*ong its
csto*ers# An% ti*e a csto*er co*es into the store with a "ro(!e*7 no
*atter how s*a!!7 the c!er?s i**e)iate!% see if as an o""ortnit% to (i!)
the re!ationshi" with the csto*er# The% res"on) with a cheerf!7 "ositi$e
)esire to so!$e the "ro(!e* in a wa% that wi!! *a?e the csto*er ha""%#
The% treat the csto*er with sch grace an) res"ect7 gi$ing sch secon),
*i!e ser$ice7 that *an% of the csto*ers )on@t e$en thin? of going an%where
e!se#
B% recogniCing that the P5PC (a!ance is necessar% to effecti$eness in an
inter)e"en)ent rea!it%7 we can $a!e or "ro(!e*s as o""ortnities to
increase PC#
The Ha(its of Inter)e"en)ence
0ith the "ara)ig* of the E*otiona! Ban? Accont in *in)7 we@re rea)% to
*o$e into the ha(its of P(!ic Victor%7 of sccess in wor?ing with other
"eo"!e# As we )o7 we can see how these ha(its wor? together to create
effecti$e inter)e"en)ence# 0e can a!so see how "owerf!!% scri"te) we are
in other "atterns of thoght an) (eha$ior#
In a))ition7 we can see on an e$en )ee"er !e$e! that effecti$e
inter)e"en)ence can on!% (e achie$e) (% tr!% in)e"en)ent "eo"!e# It is
i*"ossi(!e to achie$e P(!ic Victor% with "o"!ar G0in5 0in negotiationG
techniFes or Gref!ecti$e !isteningG techniFes or Gcreati$e "ro(!e*,so!$ingG
techniFes that focs on "ersona!it% an) trncate the $ita! character (ase#
Let@s now focs on each of the P(!ic Victor% ha(its in )e"th#
Ha(it 4
Thin? 0in50in
Princi"!es of Inter"ersona! Lea)ershi"
0e ha$e co**itte) the Go!)en R!e to *e*or%E
!et s now co**it it to !ife#
E)win -ar?ha*
One ti*e I was as?e) to wor? with a co*"an% whose "resi)ent was $er%
concerne) a(ot the !ac? of coo"eration a*ong his "eo"!e#
GOr (asic "ro(!e*7 Ste"hen7 is that the%@re se!fish7G he sai)# GThe% Dst
won@t coo"erate# I ?now if the% wo!) coo"erate7 we co!) "ro)ce so *ch
*ore# Can %o he!" s )e$e!o" a h*an re!ations "rogra* that wi!! so!$e the
"ro(!e*BG
GIs %or "ro(!e* the "eo"!e or the "ara)ig*BG I as?e)#
GLoo? for %orse!f7G he re"!ie)#
So I )i)# An) I fon) that there was a rea! se!fishness7 an nwi!!ingness to
coo"erate7 a resistance to athorit%7 )efensi$e co**nication# I co!) see
that o$er)rawn E*otiona! Ban? Acconts ha) create) a c!tre of !ow trst#
Bt I "resse) the Festion#
GLet=s !oo? at it )ee"er7G I sggeste)# G0h% )on@t %or "eo"!e coo"erateB
0hat is the rewar) for not coo"eratingBG
GThere@s no rewar) for not coo"erating7G he assre) *e# GThe rewar)s are
*ch greater if the% )o coo"erate#G
GAre the%B 1 as?e)# Behin) a crtain on one wa!! of this *an@s office was a
chart# On the chart were a n*(er of racehorses a!! !ine) " on a trac?#
S"eri*"ose) on the face of each horse was the face of one of his *anagers#
At the en) of the trac? was a
2J8
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
(eatif! tra$e! "oster of Ber*)a7 an i)%!!ic "ictre of (!e s?ies an) f!eec%
c!o)s an) a ro*antic co"!e wa!?ing han) in han) )own a white san)%
(each#
Once a wee?7 this *an wo!) (ring a!! his "eo"!e into this office an) ta!?
coo"eration# GLet@s a!! wor? together# 0e@!! a!! *a?e *ore *one% if we )o#G
Then he wo!) "!! the crtain an) show the* the chart# GNow which of %o
is going to win the tri" to Ber*)aBG
It was !i?e te!!ing one f!ower to grow an) watering another7 !i?e sa%ing
Gfirings wi!! contine nti! *ora!e i*"ro$es#G He wante) coo"eration# He
wante) his "eo"!e to wor? together7 to share i)eas7 to a!! (enefit fro* the
effort# Bt he was setting the* " in co*"etition with each other# One
*anager@s sccess *eant fai!re for the other *anagers#
As with *an%7 *an% "ro(!e*s (etween "eo"!e in (siness7 fa*i!%7 an) other
re!ationshi"s7 the "ro(!e* in this co*"an% was the res!t of a f!awe)
"ara)ig*# The "resi)ent was tr%ing to get the frits of coo"eration fro* a
"ara)ig* of co*"etition# An) when it )i)n@t wor?7 he wante) a techniFe7 a
"rogra*7 a Fic? fi< anti)ote to *a?e his "eo"!e coo"erate#
Bt %o can@t change the frit withot changing the root# 0or?ing on the
attit)es an) (eha$iors wo!) ha$e (een hac?ing at the !ea$es# So we
focse) instea) on "ro)cing "ersona! an) organiCationa! e<ce!!ence in an
entire!% )ifferent wa% (% )e$e!o"ing infor*ation an) rewar) s%ste*s which
reinforce) the $a!e of coo"eration#
0hether %o are the "resi)ent of a co*"an% or the Danitor7 the *o*ent %o
ste" fro* in)e"en)ence into inter)e"en)ence in an% ca"acit%7 %o ste" into a
!ea)ershi" ro!e# Yo are in a "osition of inf!encing other "eo"!e# An) the
ha(it of effecti$e inter"ersona! !ea)ershi" is Thin? 0in50in#
Si< Para)ig*s of H*an Interaction
0in50in is not a techniFeE it@s a tota! "hi!oso"h% of h*an interaction# In
fact7 it is one of si< "ara)ig*s of interaction# The a!ternati$e "ara)ig*s are
0in5Lose7 Lose50in7 Lose5Lose7 0in7 an) 0in50in or No &ea!#
P 0in50in
P Lose5Lose]
P 0in5Lose
P 0in
P Lose50in
P 0in50in or No &ea!
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 2J:
0in50in
0in50in is a fra*e of *in) an) heart that constant!% see?s *ta! (enefit
in a!! h*an interactions# 0in50in *eans that agree*ents or so!tions are
*ta!!% (eneficia!7 *ta!!% satisf%ing# 0ith a 0in50in so!tion7 a!!
"arties fee! goo) a(ot the )ecision an) fee! co**itte) to the action "!an#
0in50in sees !ife as a coo"erati$e7 not a co*"etiti$e arena# -ost "eo"!e
ten) to thin? in ter*s of )ichoto*iesL strong or wea?7 har)(a!! or Soft(a!!7
win or !ose# Bt that ?in) of thin?ing is fn)a*enta!!% f!awe)# It@s (ase) on
"ower an) "osition rather than on "rinci"!e# 0in50in is (ase) on the
"ara)ig* that there is "!ent% for e$er%(o)%7 that one "erson@s sccess is not
achie$e) at the e<"ense or e<c!sion of the sccess of others#
0in50in is a (e!ief in the Thir) A!ternati$e# It@s not %or wa% or *% wa%E
it@s a (etter wa%7 a higher wa%#
0in5Lose
One a!ternati$e to 0in50in is 0in5Lose7 the "ara)ig* of the race to
Ber*)a# It sa%s GIf I win7 %o !ose#G
In !ea)ershi" st%!e7 0in5Lose is the athoritarian a""roachL GI get *% wa%E
%o )on@t get %ors#G 0in5Lose "eo"!e are "rone to se "osition7 "ower7
cre)entia!s7 "ossessions7 or "ersona!it% to get their wa%#
-ost "eo"!e ha$e (een )ee"!% scri"te) in the 0in5Lose *enta!it% since
(irth# First an) *ost i*"ortant of the "owerf! forces at wor? is the fa*i!%#
0hen one chi!) is co*"are) with anotherA when "atience7 n)erstan)ing
or !o$e is gi$en or with)rawn on the (asis of sch co*"arisonsA"eo"!e are
into 0in5Lose thin?ing# 0hene$er !o$e is gi$en on a con)itiona! (asis7
when so*eone has to earn !o$e7 what@s (eing co**nicate) to the* is that
the% are not intrinsica!!% $a!a(!e or !o$a(!e# Va!e )oes not !ie insi)e the*7
it !ies otsi)e# It@s in co*"arison with so*e(o)% e!se or against so*e
e<"ectation#
An) what ha""ens to a %ong *in) an) heart7 high!% $!nera(!e7 high!%
)e"en)ent "on the s""ort an) e*otiona! affir*ation of the "arents7 in the
face of con)itiona! !o$eB The chi!) is *o!)e)7 sha"e)7 an) "rogra**e) in
the 0in5Lose *enta!it%#
GIf I@* (etter than *% (rother7 *% "arents wi!! !o$e *e *ore#G
G-% "arents )on@t !o$e *e as *ch as the% !o$e *% sister# I *st not (e as
$a!a(!e#G
Another "owerf! scri"ting agenc% is the "eer gro"# A chi!)
2JI THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
first wants acce"tance fro* his "arents an) then fro* his "eers7 whether
the% (e si(!ings or frien)s# An) we a!! ?now how cre! "eers so*eti*es can
(e# The% often acce"t or reDect tota!!% on the (asis of confor*it% to their
e<"ectations an) nor*s7 "ro$i)ing a))itiona! scri"ting towar) 0in5Lose#
The aca)e*ic wor!) reinforces 0in5Lose scri"ting# The Gnor*a! )istri(tion
cr$eG (asica!!% sa%s that %o got an GAG (ecase so*eone e!se got a GC#G It
inter"rets an in)i$i)a!@s $a!e (% co*"aring hi* or her to e$er%one e!se#
No recognition is gi$en to intrinsic $a!eE e$er%one is e<trinsica!!% )efine)#
GOh7 how nice to see %o here at or PTA *eeting# Yo oght to (e rea!!%
"ro) of %or )aghter7 Caro!ine# She@s in the ""er 1J "ercent#G
GThat *a?es *e fee! goo)#G
GBt %or son7 >ohnn%7 is in tro(!e# He@s in the !ower Farti!e#G
GRea!!%B Oh7 that@s terri(!eH 0hat can we )o a(ot itBG
0hat this ?in) of co*"arati$e infor*ation )oesn@t te!! %o is that "erha"s
>ohnn% is going on a!! eight c%!in)ers whi!e Caro!ine is coasting on for of
her eight# Bt "eo"!e are not gra)e) against their "otentia! or against the f!!
se of their "resent ca"acit%# The% are gra)e) in re!ation to other "eo"!e#
An) gra)es are carriers of socia! $a!eE the% o"en )oors of o""ortnit% or
the% c!ose the*# Co*"etition7 not coo"eration7 !ies at the core of the
e)cationa! "rocess# Coo"eration7 in fact7 is sa!!% associate) with
cheating#
Another "owerf! "rogra**ing agent is ath!etics7 "artic!ar!% for %ong
*en in their high schoo! or co!!ege %ears# Often the% )e$e!o" the (asic
"ara)ig* that !ife is a (ig ga*e7 a Cero s* ga*e where so*e win an) so*e
!ose# G0inningG is G(eatingG in the ath!etic arena#
Another agent is !aw# 0e !i$e in a !itigios societ%# The first thing *an%
"eo"!e thin? a(ot when the% get into tro(!e is sing so*eone7 ta?ing the*
to cort7 GwinningG at so*eone e!se@s e<"ense# Bt )efensi$e *in)s are
neither creati$e nor coo"erati$e#
Certain!% we nee) !aw or e!se societ% wi!! )eteriorate# It "ro$i)es sr$i$a!7
(t it )oesn@t create s%nerg%# At (est it res!ts in co*"ro*ise# Law is (ase)
on an a)$ersaria! conce"t# The recent tren) of encoraging !aw%ers an) !aw
schoo!s to focs on "eacea(!e negotiation7 the techniFes of 0in50in7 an)
the se of "ri$ate corts7 *a% not "ro$i)e the !ti*ate so!tion7 (t it )oes
ref!ect a growing awareness of the "ro(!e*#
Certain!% there is a "!ace for 0in5Lose thin?ing in tr!% co*"et,
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN
2JK
iti$e an) !ow,trst sitations# Bt *ost of !ife is not a co*"etition# 0e )on@t
ha$e to !i$e each )a% co*"eting with or s"ose7 or chi!)ren7 or
cowor?ers7 or neigh(ors7 an) or frien)s# G0ho@s winning in %or
*arriageB@G is a ri)ic!os Festion# If (oth "eo"!e aren@t winning7 (oth are
!osing#
-ost of !ife is an inter)e"en)ent7 not an in)e"en)ent7 rea!it%# -ost res!ts
%o want )e"en) on coo"eration (etween %o an) others# An) the 0in5Lose
*enta!it% is )%sfnctiona! to that coo"eration#
Lose50in
So*e "eo"!e are "rogra**e) the other wa%ALose50in#
GI !ose7 %o win#G
GGo ahea)# Ha$e %or wa% with *e#G
GSte" on *e again# E$er%one )oes#G
GI@* a !oser# I@$e a!wa%s (een a !oser#G
GI@* a "eace*a?er# I@!! )o an%thing to ?ee" "eace#G
Lose50in is worse than 0in5Lose (ecase it has no stan)ar)sA no
)e*an)s7 no e<"ectations7 no $ision# Peo"!e who thin? Lose5 0in are
sa!!% Fic? to "!ease or a""ease# The% see? strength fro* "o"!arit% or
acce"tance# The% ha$e !itt!e corage to e<"ress their own fee!ings an)
con$ictions an) are easi!% inti*i)ate) (% the ego strength of others#
In negotiation7 Lose50in is seen as ca"it!ationAgi$ing in or gi$ing "# In
!ea)ershi" st%!e7 it@s "er*issi$eness or in)!gence# Lose50in *eans (eing a
nice g%7 e$en if Gnice g%s finish !ast#G
0in5Lose "eo"!e !o$e Lose50in "eo"!e (ecase the% can fee) on the*#
The% !o$e their wea?nessesAthe% ta?e a)$antage of the*# Sch wea?nesses
co*"!e*ent their strengths# Bt the "ro(!e* is that Lose50in "eo"!e (r% a
!ot of fee!ings# An) ne<"resse) fee!ings ne$er )ieL the%@re (rie) a!i$e an)
co*e forth !ater in g!ier wa%s# Ps%choso*atic i!!nesses7 "artic!ar!% of the
res"irator%7 ner$os7 an) circ!ator% s%ste*s often are the reincarnation of
c*!ati$e resent*ent7 )ee" )isa""oint*ent an) )isi!!sion*ent re"resse)
(% the Lose50in *enta!it%# &is"ro"ortionate rage or anger7 o$erreaction to
*inor "ro$ocation7 an) c%nicis* are other e*(o)i*ents of s""resse)
e*otion#
Peo"!e who are constant!% re"ressing7 not transcen)ing fee!ings towar)s a
higher *eaning fin) that it affects the Fa!it% of their se!f,estee* an)
e$enta!!% the Fa!it% of their re!ationshi"s with others#
21J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Both 0in5Lose an) Lose50in are wea? "ositions7 (ase) in "ersona!
insecrities# In the short rn7 0in5Lose wi!! "ro)ce *ore res!ts (ecase it
)raws on the often consi)era(!e strengths an) ta!ents of the "eo"!e at the to"#
Lose50in is wea? an) chaotic fro* the otset#
-an% e<ecti$es7 *anagers7 an) "arents swing (ac? an) forth7 as if on a
"en)!*7 fro* 0in5Lose inconsi)eration to Lose50in in)!gence# 0hen
the% can@t stan) confsion an) !ac? of strctre7 )irection7 e<"ectation7 an)
)isci"!ine an% !onger7 the% swing (ac? to 0in5LoseAnti! gi!t n)er*ines
their reso!$e an) )ri$es the* (ac? to Lose50inAnti! anger an) frstration
)ri$e the* (ac? to 0in5Lose again#
Lose5Lose
0hen two 0in5Lose "eo"!e get togetherAthat is7 when two )eter*ine)7
st((orn7 ego,in$este) in)i$i)a!s interactAthe res!t wi!! (e Lose5Lose#
Both wi!! !ose# Both wi!! (eco*e $in)icti$e an) want to Gget (ac?G or Gget
e$en5@ (!in) to the fact that *r)er is sici)e7 that re$enge is a two,e)ge)
swor)#
I ?now of a )i$orce in which the hs(an) was )irecte) (% the D)ge to se!!
the assets an) trn o$er ha!f the "rocee)s to his e<,wife# In co*"!iance7 he
so!) a car worth o$er ^1J7JJJ for ^6J an) ga$e ^26 to the wife# 0hen the
wife "roteste)7 the cort c!er? chec?e) on the sitation an) )isco$ere) that
the hs(an) was "rocee)ing in the sa*e *anner s%ste*atica!!% throgh a!!
of the assets#
So*e "eo"!e (eco*e so centere) on an ene*%7 so tota!!% o(sesse) with the
(eha$ior of another "erson that the% (eco*e (!in) to e$er%thing e<ce"t their
)esire for that "erson to !ose7 e$en if it *eans !osing the*se!$es# Lose5Lose
is the "hi!oso"h% of a)$ersaria! conf!ict7 the "hi!oso"h% of war#
Lose5Lose is a!so the "hi!oso"h% of the high!% )e"en)ent "erson withot
inner )irection who is *isera(!e an) thin?s e$er%one e!se sho!) (e7 too# GIf
no(o)% e$er wins7 "erha"s (eing a !oser isn@t so (a)#G
0in
Another co**on a!ternati$e is si*"!% to thin? 0in# Peo"!e with the 0in
*enta!it% )on@t necessari!% want so*eone e!se to !ose# That@s irre!e$ant#
0hat *atters is that the% get what the% want#
0hen there is no sense of contest or co*"etition7 0in is "ro(a(!% the *ost
co**on a""roach in e$er%)a% negotiation# A
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 211
"erson with the 0in *enta!it% thin?s in ter*s of secring his own en)sA
an) !ea$ing it to others to secre theirs#
0hich O"tion Is BestB
Of these fi$e "hi!oso"hies )iscsse) so farA0in50in7 0in5 Lose7
Lose50in7 Lose5Lose7 an) 0inAwhich is the *ost effecti$eB The answer is7
GIt )e"en)s#G If %o win a foot(a!! ga*e7 that *eans the other tea* !oses If
%o wor? in a regiona! office that is *i!es awa% fro* another regiona!
office7 an) %o )on@t ha$e an% fnctiona! re!a@4onshi" (etween the offices7
%o *a% want to co*"ete in a 0in5Lose sitation to sti*!ate (siness#
Howe$er7 %o wo!) not want to set " a 0in5Lose sitation !i?e the GRace
to Ber*)aG contest within a co*"an% or in a sitation where %o nee)
coo"eration a*ong "eo"!e or gro"s of "eo"!e to achie$e *a<i** sccess#
If %o $a!e a re!ationshi" an) the isse isn@t rea!!% that i*"ortant7 %o *a%
want to go for Lose50in in so*e circ*stances to genine!% affir* the
other "erson# G0hat I want isn@t as i*"ortant to *e as *% re!ationshi" with
%o# Let@s )o it %or wa% this ti*e#G Yo *ight a!so go for Lose50in if %o
fee! the e<"ense of ti*e an) effort to achie$e a win of an% ?in) wo!)
$io!ate other higher $a!es# -a%(e it Dst isn@t worth it#
There are circ*stances in which %o wo!) want to 0in7 an) %o wo!)n@t
(e high!% concerne) with the re!ationshi" of that win to others# If %or
chi!)@s !ife were in )anger7 for e<a*"!e7 %o *ight (e "eri"hera!!%
concerne) a(ot other "eo"!e an) circ*stances# Bt sa$ing that !ife wo!)
(e s"re*e!% i*"ortant#
The (est choice7 then7 )e"en)s on rea!it%# The cha!!enge is to rea) that
rea!it% accrate!% an) not to trans!ate 0in5Lose or other scri"ting into e$er%
sitation#
-ost sitations7 in fact7 are "art of an inter)e"en)ent rea!it%7 an) then
0in50in is rea!!% the on!% $ia(!e a!ternati$e of the fi$e#
0in5Lose is not $ia(!e (ecase7 a!thogh I a""ear to win in a confrontation
with %o7 %or fee!ings7 %or attit)es towar) *e an) or re!ationshi" ha$e
(een affecte)# If I a* a s""!ier to %or co*"an%7 for e<a*"!e7 an) I win on
*% ter*s in a "artic!ar negotiation7 I *a% get what I want now# Bt wi!!
%o co*e to *e againB -% short,ter* 0in wi!! rea!!% (e a !ong,ter* Lose if
I )on@t get %or re"eat (siness# So an inter)e"en)ent 0in5Lose is rea!!%
Lose5Lose in the !ong rn#
If we co*e " with a Lose50in7 %o *a% a""ear to get what %o
212 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PBOFLE
want for the *o*ent# Bt how wi!! that affect *% attit)e a(ot wor?ing
with %o7 a(ot f!fi!!ing the contractB I *a% not fee! as an<ios to "!ease
%o# I *a% carr% (att!e scars with *e into an% ftre negotiations# -%
attit)e a(ot %o an) %or co*"an% *a% (e s"rea) as I associate with
others in the in)str%# So we@re into Lose5Lose again# Lose5Lose o($ios!%
isn@t $ia(!e in an% conte<t#
An) if I focs on *% own 0in an) )on@t e$en consi)er %or "oint of $iew7
there@s no (asis for an% ?in) of "ro)cti$e re!ationshi"#
In the !ong rn7 if it isn@t a win for (oth of s7 we (oth !ose# That=s wh%
0in50in is the on!% rea! a!ternati$e in inter)e"en)ent rea!ities#
I wor?e) with a c!ient once7 the "resi)ent of a !arge chain of retai! stores7
who sai)7 GSte"hen7 this 0in50in i)ea son)s goo)7 (t it is so i)ea!istic#
The togh7 rea!istic (siness wor!) isn@t !i?e that# There@s 0in5Lose
e$er%where7 an) if %o@re not ot there "!a%ing the ga*e7 %o Dst can@t *a?e
it#G
GA!! right7G I sai)7 Gtr% going for 0in5Lose with %or csto*ers# Is that
rea!isticBG
G0e!!7 no7G he re"!ie)#
G0h% notBG
GI@) !ose *% csto*ers#G
GThen7 go for Lose50inAgi$e the store awa%# Is that rea!isticBG
GNo# No *argin7 no *ission#G
As we consi)ere) the $arios a!ternati$es7 0in50in a""eare) to (e the on!%
tr!% rea!istic a""roach#
GI gess that@s tre with csto*ers7G he a)*itte)7 G(t not with s""!iers#G
GYo are the csto*er of the s""!ier7G I sai)# G0h% )oesn@t the sa*e
"rinci"!e a""!%BG
G0e!!7 we recent!% renegotiate) or !ease agree*ents with the *a!! o"erators
an) owners7G he sai)# G0e went in with a 0in50in attit)e# 0e were o"en7
reasona(!e7 conci!iator%# Bt the% saw that "osition as (eing soft an) wea?7
an) the% too? s to the c!eaners#G
G0e!!7 wh% )i) %o go for Lose50inBG I as?e)#
G0e )i)n@t# 0e went for 0in50in#G
GI thoght %o sai) the% too? %o to the c!eaners#G
GThe% )i)#G
GIn other wor)s7 %o !ost#G
GThat@s right#G
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 213
GAn) the% won#G
GThat=s right#G
GSo what@s that ca!!e)BG
0hen he rea!iCe) that what he ha) ca!!e) 0in50in was rea!!% Lose50in7 he
was shoc?e)# An) as we e<a*ine) the !ong,ter* i*"act of that Lose50in7
the s""resse) fee!ings7 the tra*"!e) $a!es7 the resent*ent that seethe)
n)er the srface of the re!ationshi"7 we agree) that it was rea!!% a !oss for
(oth "arties in the en)#
If this *an ha) ha) a rea! 0in50in attit)e7 he wo!) ha$e sta%e) !onger in
the co**nication "rocess7 !istene) to the *a!! owner *ore7 then e<"resse)
his "oint of $iew with *ore corage# He wo!) ha$e contine) in the
0in50in s"irit nti! a so!tion was reache) the% (oth fe!t goo) a(ot# An)
that so!tion7 that Thir) A!ternati$e7 wo!) ha$e (een s%nergisticA"ro(a(!%
so*ething neither of the* ha) thoght of on his own#
0in50in or No &ea!
If these in)i$i)a!s ha) not co*e " with a s%nergistic so!tionA one that
was agreea(!e to (othAthe% co!) ha$e gone for an e$en higher e<"ression
of 0in50inA0in50in or No &ea!#
No &ea! (asica!!% *eans that if we can@t fin) a so!tion that wo!) (enefit s
(oth7 we agree to )isagree agreea(!%ANo &ea!# No e<"ectations ha$e (een
create)7 no "erfor*ance contracts esta(!ishe)# I )on@t hire %o or we )on@t
ta?e on a "artic!ar assign*ent together (ecase it@s o($ios that or $a!es
or or goa!s are going in o""osite )irections# It is so *ch (etter to rea!iCe
this " front instea) of )ownstrea* when e<"ectations ha$e (een create)
an) (oth "arties ha$e (een )isi!!sione)#
0hen %o ha$e No &ea! as an o"tion in %or *in)7 %o fee! !i(erate)
(ecase %o ha$e no nee) to *ani"!ate "eo"!e7 to "sh %or own agen)a7
to )ri$e for what %o want# Yo can (e o"en# Yo can rea!!% tr% to
n)erstan) the )ee"er isses n)er!%ing the "ositions#
0ith No &ea! as an o"tion7 %o can honest!% sa%7 GI on!% want to go for
0in50in# I want to win7 an) I want %o to win# I wo!)n@t want to get *%
wa% an) ha$e %o not fee! goo) a(ot it7 (ecase )ownstrea* it wo!)
e$enta!!% srface an) create a with)rawa!# On the other han)7 I )on@t thin?
%o wo!) fee! goo) if %o got %or wa% an) I ga$e in# So !et@s wor? for a
0in50in# Let@s rea!!% ha**er it ot# An) if we can@t fin) it7 then !et@s agree
that we
214 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLV EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
won@t *a?e a )ea! at a!!# It wo!) (e (etter not to )ea! than to !i$e with a
)ecision that wasn@t right for s (oth# Then *a%(e another ti*e we *ight (e
a(!e to get together#G
So*e ti*e after !earning the conce"t of 0in50in or No &ea!7 the "resi)ent
of a s*a!! co*"ter software co*"an% share) with *e the fo!!owing
e<"erience#
G0e ha) )e$e!o"e) new software which we so!) on a fi$e,%ear contract to a
"artic!ar (an?# The (an? "resi)ent was e<cite) a(ot it7 (t his "eo"!e
weren@t rea!!% (ehin) the )ecision#
GA(ot a *onth !ater7 that (an? change) "resi)ents# The new "resi)ent ca*e
to *e an) sai)7 @I a* nco*forta(!e with these software con$ersions# I ha$e
a *ess on *% han)s# -% "eo"!e are a!! sa%ing that the% can@t go throgh this
an) I rea!!% fee! 1 Dst can@t "sh it at this "oint in ti*e#@
G-% own co*"an% was in )ee" financia! tro(!e# I ?new I ha) e$er% !ega!
right to enforce the contract# Bt I ha) (eco*e con$ince) of the $a!e of the
"rinci"!e of 0in50in#
GSo I to!) hi* @0e ha$e a contract# Yor (an? has secre) or "ro)cts an)
or ser$ices to con$ert %o to this "rogra*# Bt we n)erstan) that %o@re
not ha""% a(ot it# So what we@) !i?e to )o is gi$e %o (ac? the contract7
gi$e %o (ac? %or )e"osit7 an) if %o are e$er !oo?ing for a software
so!tion in the ftre7 co*e (ac? an) see s#@
G1 !itera!!% wa!?e) awa% fro* an ^I47JJJ contract# It was c!ose to financia!
sici)e# Bt I fe!t that7 in the !ong ran7 if the "rinci"!e were tre7 it wo!)
co*e (ac? an) "a% )i$i)en)s#
GThree *onths !ater7 the new "resi)ent ca!!e) *e# @I@* now going to *a?e
changes in *% )ata "rocessing7@ he sai)7 @an) I want to )o (siness with %o#@
He signe) a contract for ^24J7JJJ#G
An%thing !ess than 0in50* in an inter)e"en)ent rea!it% is a "oor secon)
(est that wi!! ha$e i*"act in the !ong,ter* re!ationshi"# The cost of that
i*"act nee)s to (e caref!!% consi)ere)# If %o can@t reach a tre 0in50in7
%o@re $er% often (etter off to go for No &ea!#
0in50in or No &ea! "ro$i)es tre*en)os e*otiona! free)o* in the fa*i!%
re!ationshi"# If fa*i!% *e*(ers can@t agree on a $i)eo that e$er%one wi!!
enDo%7 the% can si*"!% )eci)e to )o so*ething e!seANo &ea!Arather than
ha$ing so*e enDo% the e$ening at the e<"ense of others#
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN
216
I ha$e a frien) whose fa*i!% has (een in$o!$e) in singing together for
se$era! %ears# 0hen the% were %ong7 she arrange) the *sic7 *a)e the
cost*es7 acco*"anie) the* on the "iano an) )irecte) the "erfor*ances#
As the chi!)ren grew o!)er7 their taste in *sic (egan to change an) the%
wante) to ha$e *ore sa% in what the% "erfor*e) an) what the% wore# The%
(eca*e !ess res"onsi$e to )irection#
Becase she ha) %ears of e<"erience in "erfor*ing herse!f an) fe!t c!oser to
the nee)s of the o!)er "eo"!e at the rest ho*es where the% "!anne) to
"erfor*7 she )i)n@t fee! that *an% of the i)eas the% were sggesting wo!)
(e a""ro"riate# At the sa*e ti*e7 howe$er7 she recogniCe) their nee) to
e<"ress the*se!$es an) to (e "art of the )ecision,*a?ing "rocess#
So she set " a 0in50in or No &ea!# She to!) the* she wante) to arri$e at
an agree*ent that e$er%one fe!t goo) a(otAor the% wo!) si*"!% fin)
other wa%s to enDo% their ta!ents# As a res!t7 e$er%one fe!t free to e<"ress his
or her fee!ings an) i)eas as the% wor?e) to set " a 0in50in agree*ent7
?nowing that whether or not the% co!) agree7 there wo!) (e no e*otiona!
strings#
The 0in50in or No &ea! a""roach is *ost rea!istic at the (eginning of a
(siness re!ationshi" or enter"rise# In a contining (siness re!ationshi"7 No
&ea! *a% not (e a $ia(!e o"tion7 which can create serios "ro(!e*s7
es"ecia!!% for fa*i!% (sinesses or (sinesses that are (egn initia!!% on the
(asis of frien)shi"#
In an effort to "reser$e the re!ationshi"7 "eo"!e so*eti*es go on for %ears
*a?ing one co*"ro*ise after another7 thin?ing 0in5 Lose or Lose50in
e$en whi!e ta!?ing 0in50in# This creates serios "ro(!e*s for the "eo"!e
an) for the (siness7 "artic!ar!% if the co*"etition o"erates on 0in50in
an) s%nerg%#
0ithot No &ea!7 *an% sch (sinesses si*"!% )eteriorate an) either fai! or
ha$e to (e trne) o$er to "rofessiona! *anagers# E<"erience shows that it is
often (etter in setting " a fa*i!% (siness or a (siness (etween frien)s to
ac?now!e)ge the "ossi(i!it% of No &ea! )ownstrea* an) to esta(!ish so*e
?in) of (%5se!! agree*ent so that the (siness can "ros"er withot
"er*anent!% )a*aging the re!ationshi"#
Of corse there are so*e re!ationshi"s where No &ea! is not $ia(!e# I
wo!)n@t a(an)on *% chi!) or *% s"ose an) go for No &ea! Mit wo!) (e
(etter7 if necessar%7 to go for co*"ro*iseAa !ow
218
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
for* of 0in50inN# Bt in *an% cases7 it is "ossi(!e to go into negotiation
with a f!! 0in50in or No &ea! attit)e# An) the free)o* in that attit)e is
incre)i(!e#
Fi$e &i*ensions of 0in50in
Thin? 0in50in is the ha(it of inter"ersona! !ea)ershi"# It in$o!$es the
e<ercise of each of the niFe h*an en)ow*entsA se!f,awareness7
i*agination7 conscience7 an) in)e"en)ent wi!!Ain or re!ationshi"s with
others# It in$o!$es *ta! !earning7 *ta! inf!ence7 *ta! (enefits#
It ta?es great corage as we!! as consi)eration to create these *ta!
(enefits7 "artic!ar!% if we@re interacting with others who are )ee"!% scri"te)
in 0in5Lose#
That is wh% this ha(it in$o!$es "rinci"!es of inter"ersona! !ea)ershi"#
Effecti$e inter"ersona! !ea)ershi" reFires the $ision7 the "roacti$e initiati$e
an) the secrit%7 gi)ance7 wis)o*7 an) "ower that co*e fro* "rinci"!e,
centere) "ersona! !ea)ershi"#
The "rinci"!e of 0in50in is fn)a*enta! !o sccess in a!! or interactions7
an) it e*(races fi$e inter)e"en)ent )i*ensions of !ife# It (egins with
character an) *o$es towar) re!ationshi"s7 ot of which f!ow agree*ents# It
is nrtre) in an en$iron*ent where strctre an) s%ste*s are (ase) on
0in50in# An) it in$o!$es "rocessE we cannot achie$e 0in50in en)s with
0in5Lose or Lose50in *eans#
The fo!!owing )iagra* shows how these fi$e )i*ensions re!ate to each
other#
Now !et@s consi)er each of the fi$e )i*ensions in trn#
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 21:
Character
Character is the fon)ation of 0in50in7 an) e$er%thing e!se (i!)s on that
fon)ation# There are three character traits essentia! to the 0in50in
"ara)ig*#
Integrit%# 0e@$e a!rea)% )efine) integrit% as the $a!e we "!ace on orse!$es#
Ha(its 17 27 an) 3 he!" s )e$e!o" an) *aintain integrit%# As we c!ear!%
i)entif% or $a!es an) "roacti$e!% organiCe an) e<ecte aron) those $a!es
on a )ai!% (asis7 we )e$e!o" se!f,awareness an) in)e"en)ent wi!! (% *a?ing
an) ?ee"ing *eaningf! "ro*ises an) co**it*ents#
There@s no wa% to go for a 0in in or own !i$es if we )on@t e$en ?now7 in a
)ee" sense7 what constittes a 0inAwhat is7 in fact7 har*onios with or
inner*ost $a!es# An) if we can@t *a?e an) ?ee" co**it*ents to orse!$es
as we!! as to others7 or co**it*ents (eco*e *eaning!ess# 0e ?now itE
others ?now it# The% sense )"!icit% an) (eco*e gar)e)# There@s no
fon)ation of trst an) 0in50in (eco*es an ineffecti$e s"erficia!
techniFe# Integrit% is the cornerstone in the fon)ation#
-atrit%# -atrit% is the (a!ance (etween corage an) consi)eration# I first
!earne) this )efinition of *atrit% in the fa!! of 1K66 fro* a *ar$e!os
"rofessor7 Hran) Sa<enian7 who instrcte) *% Contro! c!ass at the Har$ar)
Bsiness Schoo!# He taght the finest7 si*"!est7 *ost "ractica!7 %et "rofon)7
)efinition of e*otiona! *atrit% I@$e e$er co*e acrossAGthe a(i!it% to
e<"ress one@s own fee!ings an) con$ictions (a!ance) with consi)eration for
the thoghts an) fee!ings of others#G As a "art of his )octora! research7
Hran) Sa<enian ha) )e$e!o"e) this criterion o$er %ears of historica! an)
)irect fie!) research# He !ater wrote " his origina! research for*at in its
co*"!eteness with s""orti$e reasoning an) a""!ication sggestions in a
Har$ar) Bsiness Re$iew artic!e M>anar%,Fe(rar% 1K6IN# E$en thogh it is
co*"!e*entar% an) a!so )e$e!o"*enta!7 Hran)@s se of the wor) G*atrit%G
is )ifferent fro* its se in the : Ha(its G-atrit% Contin*7G which
focses on a growth an) )e$e!o"*ent "rocess fro* )e"en)enc% throgh
in)e"en)enc% to inter)e"en)enc%#
If %o e<a*ine *an% of the "s%cho!ogica! tests se) for airing7 "ro*oting7
an) training "r"oses7 %o wi!! fin) that the% are )esigne) to e$a!ate this
?in) of *atrit%# 0hether it@s ca!!e) the ego strength5e*"ath% (a!ance7 the
se!f,confi)ence5res"ect for
21I
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
others (a!ance7 the concern for "eo"!e5concern for tas?s (a!ance7 GI@* o?a%7
%o@re o?a%G in transactiona! ana!%sis !angage7 or K#17 1#K7 6#67 K#K7 in
*anage*ent gri) !angageAthe Fa!it% soght for is the (a!ance of what I
ca!! corage an) consi)eration#
Res"ect for this Fa!it% is )ee"!% ingraine) in the theor% of h*an
interaction7 *anage*ent7 an) !ea)ershi"# It is a )ee" e*(o)i*ent of the
P5PC (a!ance# 0hi!e corage *a% focs on getting the go!)en egg7
consi)eration )ea!s with the !ong,ter* we!fare of the other sta?eho!)ers# The
(asic tas? of !ea)ershi" is to increase the stan)ar) of !i$ing an) the Fa!it%
of !ife for a!! sta?eho!)ers#
-an% "eo"!e thin? in )ichoto*ies7 in either5or ter*s# The% thin? if %o@re
nice7 %o@re not togh# Bt 0in50in is nice # # # an) togh# It@s twice as
togh as 0in5Lose# To go for 0in50in7 %o not _ on!% ha$e to (e nice7 %o
ha$e to (e corageos# Yo not on!% ha$e > to (e e*"athic7 %o ha$e to (e
confi)ent# Yo not on!% ha$e to (e
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 21K
consi)erate an) sensiti$e7 %o ha$e to (e (ra$e# To )o that7 to achie$e that
(a!ance (etween corage an) consi)eration7 is the essence of rea! *atrit%
an) is fn)a*enta! to 0in50in#
If I@* high on corage an) !ow on consi)eration7 how wi!! I thin?B
0in5Lose# I@!! (e strong an) ego (on)# I@!! ha$e the corage of *%
con$ictions7 (t I won@t (e $er% consi)erate of %ors#
To co*"ensate for *% !ac? of interna! *atrit% an) e*otiona! strength7 I
*ight (orrow strength fro* *% "osition an) "ower7 or fro* *% cre)entia!s7
*% seniorit%7 *% affi!iations#
If I@* high on consi)eration an) !ow on corage7 I@!! thin? Lose50in# I@!! (e
so consi)erate of %or con$ictions an) )esires that I won@t ha$e the corage
to e<"ress an) acta!iCe *% own#
High corage an) consi)eration are (oth essentia! to 0in50in# It is the
(a!ance that is the *ar? of rea! *atrit%# If I ha$e it7 I can !isten7 I can
e*"athica!!% n)erstan)7 (t I can a!so corageos!% confront#
A(n)ance -enta!it%# The thir) character trait essentia! to 0in50in is the
A(n)ance -enta!it%7 the "ara)ig* that there is "!ent% ot there for
e$er%(o)%#
-ost "eo"!e are )ee"!% scri"te) in what I ca!! the Scarcit% -enta!it%# The%
see !ife as ha$ing on!% so *ch7 as thogh there were on!% one "ie ot there#
An) if so*eone were to get a (ig "iece of the "ie7 it wo!) *ean !ess for
e$er%(o)% e!se# The Scarcit% -enta!it% is the Cero,s* "ara)ig* of !ife#
Peo"!e with a Scarcit% -enta!it% ha$e a $er% )iffic!t ti*e sharing
recognition an) cre)it7 "ower or "rofitAe$en with those who he!" in the
"ro)ction# The% a!so ha$e a $er% har)7 ti*e (eing genine!% ha""% for the
sccesses of other "eo"!eAe$en7 an) so*eti*es es"ecia!!%7 *e*(ers of
their own fa*i!% or )ose frien)s an) associates# It@s a!*ost as if so*ething is
(eing ta?en fro* the* when so*eone e!se recei$es s"ecia! recognition or
win)fa!! gain or has re*ar?a(!e sccess or achie$e*ent#
A!thogh the% *ight $er(a!!% e<"ress ha""iness for others@ sccess7
inwar)!% the% are eating their hearts ot# Their sense of worth co*es fro*
(eing co*"are)7 an) so*eone e!se@s sccess7 to so*e )egree7 *eans their
fai!re7 On!% so *an% "eo"!e can (e GAG st)entsE on!% one "erson can (e
Gn*(er one#G To GwinG si*"!% *eans to G(eat#G
Often7 "eo"!e with a Scarcit% -enta!it% har(or secret ho"es that others
*ight sffer *isfortne,O,not terri(!e *isfortne7 (t ac,
22J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
ce"ta(!e *isfortne that wo!) ?ee" the* Gin their "!ace#G The%@re a!wa%s
co*"aring7 a!wa%s co*"eting# The% gi$e their energies to "ossessing things
or other "eo"!e in or)er to increase their sense of worth#
The% want other "eo"!e to (e the wa% the% want the* to (e# The% often want
to c!one the*7 an) the% srron) the*se!$es with G%esG "eo"!eA"eo"!e who
won@t cha!!enge the*7 "eo"!e who are wea?er than the%#
It@s )iffic!t for "eo"!e with a Scarcit% -enta!it% to (e *e*(ers of a
co*"!e*entar% tea*# The% !oo? on )ifferences as signs of ins(or)ination
an) )is!o%a!t%#
The A(n)ance -enta!it%7 on the other han)7 f!ows ot of a )ee" inner
sense of "ersona! worth an) secrit%# It is the "ara)ig* that there is "!ent%
ot there an) enogh to s"are for e$er%(o)%# It res!ts in sharing of "restige7
of recognition7 of "rofits7 of )ecision *a?ing# It o"ens "ossi(i!ities7 o"tions7
a!ternati$es7 an) creati$it%#
The A(n)ance -enta!it% ta?es the "ersona! Do%7 satisfaction7 an)
f!fi!!*ent of Ha(its 17 27 an) 3 an) trns it otwar)7 a""reciating the
niFeness7 the inner )irection7 the "roacti$e natre of others# It recogniCes
the n!i*ite) "ossi(i!ities for "ositi$e interacti$e growth an) )e$e!o"*ent7
creating new Thir) A!ternati$es#
P(!ic Victor% )oes not *ean $ictor% o$er other "eo"!e# It *eans sccess in
effecti$e interaction that (rings *ta!!% (eneficia! res!ts to e$er%one
in$o!$e)# P(!ic Victor% *eans wor?ing together7 co**nicating together7
*a?ing things ha""en together that e$en the sa*e "eo"!e co!)n@t *a?e
ha""en (% wor?ing in)e"en)ent!%# An) P(!ic Victor% is an otgrowth of
the A(n)ance -enta!it% "ara)ig*#
A character rich in integrit%7 *atrit%7 an) the A(n)ance -enta!it% has a
genineness that goes far (e%on) techniFe7 or !ac? of it7 in h*an
interaction#
One thing I ha$e fon) "artic!ar!% he!"f! to 0in5Lose "eo"!e in
)e$e!o"ing a 0in50in character is to associate with so*e *o)e! or *entor
who rea!!% thin?s 0in50in# 0hen "eo"!e are )ee"!% scri"te) in 0in5Lose or
other "hi!oso"hies an) reg!ar!% associate with others who are !i?ewise
scri"te)7 the% )on@t ha$e *ch o""ortnit% to see an) e<"erience the
0in50in "hi!oso"h% in action# So I reco**en) rea)ing !iteratre7 sch as
the ins"iring (iogra"h% of Anwar Sa)at7 In Search of I)entit%7 an) seeing
*o$ies
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN
221
!i?e Chariots of Fire or "!a%s !i?e Les -isera(!es that e<"ose %o to *o)e!s
of 0in50in#
Bt re*e*(erL If we search )ee"!% enogh within orse!$esA (e%on) the
scri"ting7 (e%on) the !earne) attit)es an) (eha$iorsA the rea! $a!i)ation of
0in50in7 as we!! as e$er% other correct "rinci"!e7 is in or own !i$es#
Re!ationshi"s
Fro* the fon)ation of character7 we (i!) an) *aintain 0in5 0in
re!ationshi"s# The trst7 the E*otiona! Ban? Accont7 is the essence of
0in50in# 0ithot trst7 the (est we can )o is co*"ro*iseE withot trst7 we
!ac? the cre)i(i!it% for o"en7 *ta! !earning an) co**nication an) rea!
creati$it%#
Bt if or E*otiona! Ban? Accont is high7 cre)i(i!it% is no !onger an isse#
Enogh )e"osits ha$e (een *a)e so that %o ?now an) I ?now that we
)ee"!% res"ect each other# 0e@re focse) on the isses7 not on "ersona!ities
or "ositions#
Becase we trst each other7 we@re o"en# 0e "t or car)s on the ta(!e# E$en
thogh we see things )ifferent!%7 I ?now that %o@re wi!!ing to !isten with
res"ect whi!e I )escri(e the %ong wo*an to %o7 an) %o ?now that I@!!
treat %or )escri"tion of the o!) wo*an with the sa*e res"ect# 0e@re (oth
co**itte) to tr% to n)erstan) each other@s "oint of $iew )ee"!% an) to wor?
together for the Thir) A!ternati$e7 the s%nergistic so!tion that wi!! (e a
(etter answer for (oth of s#
A re!ationshi" where (an? acconts are high an) (oth "arties are )ee"!%
co**itte) to 0in50in is the i)ea! s"ring(oar) for tre*en)os s%nerg%
MHa(it 8N# That re!ationshi" neither *a?es the isses an% !ess rea! or
i*"ortant7 nor e!i*inates the )ifferences in "ers"ecti$e# Bt it )oes
e!i*inate the negati$e energ% nor*a!!% focse) on )ifferences in "ersona!it%
an) "osition an) creates a "ositi$e7 coo"erati$e energ%@ focse) on
thorogh!% n)erstan)ing the isses an) reso!$ing the* in a *ta!!%
(eneficia! wa%#
Bt what if that ?in) of re!ationshi" isn@t thereB 0hat if %o ha$e to wor?
ot an agree*ent with so*eone who hasn@t e$en hear) of 0in50in an) is
)ee"!% scri"te) in 0in5Lose or so*e other "hi!oso"h%B
&ea!ing with 0in5Lose is the rea! test of 0in50in# Rare!% is 0in50in
easi!% achie$e) in an% circ*stance# &ee" isses an) fn)a*enta!
)ifferences ha$e to (e )ea!t with# Bt it is *ch easier
222 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
when (oth "arties are aware of an) co**itte) to it an) where there is a high
E*otiona! Ban? Accont in the re!ationshi"#
0hen %o@re )ea!ing with a "erson who is co*ing fro* a "ara)ig* of
0in5Lose7 the re!ationshi" is sti!! the ?e%# The "!ace to focs is on %or
Circ!e of Inf!ence# Yo *a?e )e"osits into the E*otiona! Ban? Accont
throgh genine cortes%7 res"ect7 an) a""reciation for that "erson an) for
the other "oint of $iew# Yo sta% !onger in the co**nication "rocess# Yo
!isten *ore7 %o !isten in greater )e"th# Yo e<"ress %orse!f with greater
corage# Yo aren@t reacti$e# Yo go )ee"er insi)e %orse!f for strength of
character to (e "roacti$e# Yo ?ee" ha**ering it ot nti! the other "erson
(egins to rea!iCe that %o genine!% want the reso!tion to (e a rea! win for
(oth of %o# That $er% "rocess is a tre*en)os )e"osit in the E*otiona!
Ban? Accont#
An) the stronger %o areAthe *ore genine %or character7 the higher %or
!e$e! of "roacti$it%7 the *ore co**itte) %o rea!!% are to 0in50inAthe
*ore "owerf! %or inf!ence wi!! (e with that other "erson# This is the rea!
test of inter"ersona! !ea)ershi"# It goes (e%on) transactiona! !ea)ershi" into
transfor*ationa! !ea)ershi"7 transfor*ing the in)i$i)a!s in$o!$e) as we!! as
the re!ationshi"#
Becase 0in50in is a "rinci"!e "eo"!e can $a!i)ate in their own !i$es7 %o
wi!! (e a(!e to (ring *ost "eo"!e to a rea!iCation that the% wi!! win *ore of
what the% want (% going for what %o (oth want# Bt there wi!! (e a few
who are so )ee"!% e*(e))e) in the 0in5Lose *enta!it% that the% Dst won@t
thin? 0in50in# So re*e*(er that No &ea! is a!wa%s an o"tion# Or %o *a%
occasiona!!% choose to go for the !ow for* of 0in50inAco*"ro*ise#
It@s i*"ortant to rea!iCe that not a!! )ecisions nee) to (e 0in50in7 e$en
when the E*otiona! Ban? Accont is high# Again7 the ?e% is the
re!ationshi"# If %o an) I wor?e) together7 for e<a*"!e7 an) %o were to
co*e to *e an) sa%7 GSte"hen7 I ?now %o won@t !i?e this )ecision# I )on@t
ha$e ti*e to e<"!ain it to %o7 !et a!one get %o in$o!$e)# There@s a goo)
"ossi(i!it% %o@!! thin? it@s wrong# Bt wi!! %o s""ort itBG
If %o ha) a "ositi$e E*otiona! Ban? Accont with *e7 of corse I@) s""ort
it# I@) ho"e %o were right an) I was wrong# I@) wor? to *a?e %or )ecision
wor?#
Bt if the E*otiona! Ban? Accont weren@t there7 an) if I were reacti$e7 I
wo!)n@t rea!!% s""ort it# I *ight sa% I wo!) to %or face7 (t (ehin) %or
(ac? I wo!)n@t (e $er% enthsiastic# I
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 223
wo!)n@t *a?e the in$est*ent necessar% to *a?e it sccee)# GIt )i)n@t wor?7G
I@) sa%# GSo what )o %o want *e to )o nowBG
If I were o$er reacti$e7 I *ight e$en tor"e)o %or )ecision an) )o what I
co!) to *a?e sre others )i) too# Or I *ight (eco*e G*a!icios!% o(e)ientG
an) )o e<act!% an) on!% what %o te!! *e to )o7 acce"ting no res"onsi(i!it%
for res!ts#
&ring the fi$e %ears I !i$e) in Great Britain7 I saw that contr% (roght
twice to its ?nees (ecase the train con)ctors were *a!icios!% o(e)ient in
fo!!owing a!! the r!es an) "roce)res written on "a"er#
An agree*ent *eans $er% !itt!e in !etter withot the character an)
re!ationshi" (ase to sstain it in s"irit# So we nee) to a""roach 0in50in
fro* a genine )esire to in$est in the re!ationshi"s that *a?e it "ossi(!e#
Agree*ents
Fro* re!ationshi"s f!ow the agree*ents that gi$e )efinition an) )irection to
0in50in# The% are so*eti*es ca!!e) "erfor*ance agree*ents or "artnershi"
agree*ents7 shifting the "ara)ig* of "ro)cti$e interaction fro* $ertica! to
horiConta!7 fro* ho$ering s"er$ision to se!f,s"er$ision7 fro* "ositioning
to (eing "artners in sccess#
0in50in agree*ents co$er a wi)e sco"e of inter)e"en)ent interaction# 0e
)iscsse) one i*"ortant a""!ication when we ta!?e) a(ot )e!egation in the
GGreen an) C!eanG stor% in Ha(it 3# The sa*e fi$e e!e*ents we !iste) there
"ro$i)e the strctre for 0in50in agree*ents (etween e*"!o%ers an)
e*"!o%ees7 (etween in)e"en)ent "eo"!e wor?ing together on "roDects7
(etween gro"s of "eo"!e coo"erati$e!% focse) on a co**on o(Decti$e7
(etween co*"anies an) s""!iersA(etween an% "eo"!e who nee) to interact
to acco*"!ish# The% create an effecti$e wa% to c!arif% an) *anage
e<"ectations (etween "eo"!e in$o!$e) in an% inter)e"en)ent en)ea$or#
In the 0in50in agree*ent7 the fo!!owing fi$e e!e*ents are *a)e $er%
e<"!icitL
&esire) res!ts Mnot *etho)sN i)entif% what is to (e )one an) when#
Gi)e!ines s"ecif% the "ara*eters M"rinci"!es7 "o!icies7 etc#N within which
res!ts are to (e acco*"!ishe)# Resorces i)entif% the h*an7 financia!7
technica!7 or organiCationa! s""ort a$ai!a(!e to he!" acco*"!ish the res!ts#
224 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Acconta(i!it% sets " the stan)ar)s of "erfor*ance an) the ti*e of
e$a!ation# ConseFences s"ecif%Agoo) an) (a)7 natra! an) !ogica!Awhat
)oes an) wi!! ha""en as a res!t of the e$a!ation#
These fi$e e!e*ents gi$e 0in50in agree*ents a !ife of their own# A c!ear
*ta! n)erstan)ing an) agree*ent " front in these areas creates a
stan)ar) against which "eo"!e can *easre their own sccess#
Tra)itiona! athoritarian s"er$ision is a 0in5Lose "ara)ig*# It@s a!so the
res!t of an o$er)rawn E*otiona! Ban? Accont# If %o )on@t ha$e trst or a
co**on $ision of )esire) res!ts7 %o ten) to ho$er o$er7 chec? " on7 an)
)irect# Trst isn@t there7 so %o fee! as thogh %o ha$e to contro! "eo"!e#
Bt if the trst accont is high7 what is %or *etho)B Get ot of their wa%#
As !ong as %o ha$e an ",front 0in50in agree*ent an) the% ?now e<act!%
what is e<"ecte)7 %or ro!e is to (e a sorce of he!" an) to recei$e their
acconta(i!it% re"orts#
It is *ch *ore enno(!ing to the h*an s"irit to !et "eo"!e D)ge the*se!$es
than to D)ge the*# An) in a high trst c!tre7 it=s *ch *ore accrate# In
*an% cases "eo"!e ?now in their hearts how things are going *ch (etter
than the recor)s show# &iscern*ent is often far *ore accrate than either
o(ser$ation or *easre*ent#
0in50in -anage*ent Training
Se$era! %ears ago7 I was in)irect!% in$o!$e) in a cons!ting "roDect with a
$er% !arge (an?ing instittion that ha) scores of (ranches# The% wante) s to
e$a!ate an) i*"ro$e their *anage*ent training "rogra*7 which was
s""orte) (% an anna! ()get of ^:6J7JJJ# The "rogra* in$o!$e)
se!ecting co!!ege gra)ates an) "tting the* throgh twe!$e two,wee?
assign*ents in $arios )e"art*ents o$er a si<,*onth "erio) of ti*e so that
the% co!) get a genera! sense of the in)str%# The% s"ent two wee?s in
co**ercia! !oans7 two wee?s in in)stria! !oans7 two wee?s in *ar?eting7
two wee?s in o"erations7 an) so forth# At the en) of the si<,*onth "erio)7
the% were assigne) as assistant *anagers in the $arios (ranch (an?s#
Or assign*ent was to e$a!ate the si<,*onth for*a! training "erio)# As we
(egan7 we )isco$ere) that the *ost )iffic!t "art of the assign*ent was to
get a c!ear "ictre of the )esire) res!ts# 0e as?e) the to" e<ecti$es the ?e%
har) Festion G0hat sho!)
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN
226
these "eo"!e (e a(!e to )o when the% finish the "rogra*BG An) the answers
we got were $age an) often contra)ictor%#
The training "rogra* )ea!t with *etho)s7 not res!tsE so we sggeste) that
the% set " a "i!ot training "rogra* (ase) on a )ifferent "ara)ig* ca!!e)
G!earner,contro!!e) instrction#G This was a 0in50in agree*ent that
in$o!$e) i)entif%ing s"ecific o(Decti$es an) criteria that wo!) )e*onstrate
their acco*"!ish*ent an) i)entif%ing the gi)e!ines7 resorces7
acconta(i!it%7 an) conseFences that wo!) res!t when the o(Decti$es were
*et# The conseFences in this case were "ro*otion to assistant *anager7
where the% wo!) recei$e the on,the,Do( "art of their training7 an) a
significant increase in sa!ar%#
0e ha) to rea!!% "ress to get the o(Decti$es ha**ere) ot# G0hat is it %o
want the* to n)erstan) a(ot accontingB 0hat a(ot *ar?etingB 0hat
a(ot rea! estate !oansBG An) we went )own the !ist# The% fina!!% ca*e "
with o$er one hn)re) o(Decti$es7 which we si*"!ifie)7 re)ce)7 an)
conso!i)ate) nti! we ca*e )own to 3K s"ecific (eha$iora! o(Decti$es with
criteria attache) to the*#
The trainees were high!% *oti$ate) (% (oth the o""ortnit% an) the
increase) sa!ar% to *eet the criteria as soon as "ossi(!e# There was a (ig win
in it for the*7 an) there was a!so a (ig win for the co*"an% (ecase the%
wo!) ha$e assistant (ranch *anagers who *et res!ts,oriente) criteria
instea) of Dst showing " for twe!$e )ifferent acti$it% tra"s#
So we e<"!aine) the )ifference (etween !earner,contro!!e) instrction an)
s%ste*,contro!!e) instrction to the trainees# 0e (asica!!% sai)7 GHere are
the o(Decti$es an) the criteria# Here are the resorces7 inc!)ing !earning
fro* each other# So go to it# As soon as %o *eet the criteria7 %o wi!! (e
"ro*ote) to assistant *anagers#G
The% were finishe) in three,an),a,ha!f wee?s# Shifting the training "ara)ig*
ha) re!ease) n(e!ie$a(!e *oti$ation an) creati$it%#
As with *an% "ara)ig* shifts7 there was resistance# A!*ost a!! of the to"
e<ecti$es si*"!% wo!)n@t (e!ie$e it# 0hen the% were shown the e$i)ence
that the criteria ha) (een *et7 the% (asica!!% sai)7 GThese trainees )on@t ha$e
the e<"erience# The% !ac? the seasoning necessar% to gi$e the* the ?in) of
D)g*ent we want the* to ha$e as assistant (ranch *anagers#G
fat ta!?ing with the* !ater7 we fon) that what *an% of the* were rea!!%
sa$ing was7 G0e went throgh7 goat wee?E how co*e
228 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
these g%s )on@t ha$e toBG Bt of corse the% co!)n@t "t it that wa%# GThe%
!ac? seasoningG was a *ch *ore acce"ta(!e e<"ression#
In a))ition7 for o($ios reasons Minc!)ing the ^:6J7JJJ ()get for a si<,
*onth "rogra*N7 the "ersonne! )e"art*ent was "set#
So we res"on)e)7 GFair enogh# Let@s )e$e!o" so*e *ore o(Decti$es ari)
attach criteria to the*# Bt !et@s sta% with the "ara)ig*G of !earner,contro!!e)
instrction#G 0e ha**ere) ot eight *ore o(Decti$es with $er% togh
criteria in or)er to gi$e the e<ecti$es the assrance that the "eo"!e were
a)eFate!% "re"are) to (e assistant (ranch *anagers an) contine the on,
the,Do( "art of the training "rogra*# After "artici"ating in so*e of the
sessions where these criteria were )e$e!o"e)7 se$era! of the e<ecti$es
re*ar?e) that If the trainees co!) *eet these togh criteria7 the% wo!) (e
(etter "re"are) than a!*ost an% who ha) gone throgh the si<,*onth
"rogra*#
0e ha) "re"are) the trainees to e<"ect resistance# 0e too? the a))itiona!
o(Decti$es an) criteria (ac? to the* an) sai)7 G>st as we e<"ecte)7
*anage*ent wants %o to acco*"!ish so*e a))itiona! o(Decti$es with e$en
togher criteria than (efore# The% ha$e assre) tits this ti*eG that if %o
*eet these criteria7 the% wi!! *a?e %o assistant *anagers#G
The% went to wor? in n(e!ie$a(!e wa%s# The% went to the e<ecti$es in
)e"art*ents sch as acconting an) (asica!!% sai)7 GSir7 I a* a *e*(er of
this new "i!ot "rogra* ca!!e) !earner,contro!!e) instrction7 an) it is *%
n)erstan)ing that %o "artici"ate) in )e$e!o"ing the o(Decti$es an) the
criteria#
GI ha$e si< criteria to *eet in this "artic!ar )e"art*ent# I was a(!e to "ass
three of the* off with s?i!!s I gaine) in co!!egeE I was a(!e to get another one
ot of a (oo?E I !earne) the fifth one fro* To*7 the fe!!ow %o traine) !ast
wee?# I on!% ha$e one criterion !eft to *eet7 an) I 0on)er if %o or so*eone
e!se in the )e"art*ent *ight (e a(!e to s"en) a few hors with *e to show
*e how#G So the% s"ent ha!f a )a% in a )e"art*ent instea) of two wee?s#
These trainees coo"erate) with each other7 (rainstor*e) with each other7
an) the% acco*"!ishe) the a))itiona! o(Decti$es in a wee? an) a ha!f# The
si<,*onth "rogra* was re)ce) to fi$e wee?s7 an) the res!ts were
significant!% increase)#
This ?in) of thin?ing can si*i!ar!% affect e$er% area of organiCationa! !ife if
"eo"!e ha$e the corage to e<"!ore their "ara)ig*s an) to concentrate on
0in50in# I a* a!wa%s a*aCe) at the res!ts that ha""en7 (oth to in)i$i)a!s
an) to organiCations7 when
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 22:
res"onsi(!e7 "roacti$e7 se!f,)irecting in)i$i)a!s are trne) !oose on a tas?#
0in50in Perfor*ance Agree*ents
Creating 0in50in "erfor*ance agree*ents reFires $ita! "ara)ig* shifts#
The focs is on res!tsE not *etho)s# -ost of s ten) to s"er$ise *etho)s#
0e se the gofer )e!egation )iscsse) in Ha(it 37 the *etho)s *anage*ent
I se) with San)ra when I as?e) her to ta?e "ictres of or son as he was
waters?iing# Bt 0in50in agree*ents focs on res!ts7 re!easing
tre*en)os in)i$i)a! h*an "otentia! an) creating greater s%nerg%7
(i!)ing PC in the "rocess instea) of focsing e<c!si$e!% on P#
0ith 0in50in acconta(i!it%7 "eo"!e e$a!ate the*se!$es# The tra)itiona!
e$a!ation ga*es "eo"!e "!a% ire aw?war) an) e*otiona!!% e<hasting# In
0in50in7 "eo"!e e$a!ate the*se!$es7 sing the criteria that the% the*se!$es
he!"e) to create " front# An) if %o set it " correct!%7 "eo"!e can )o that#
0ith a 0in50in )e!egation agree*ent7 e$en a se$en,%ear,o!) (o% can Oe!!
for hi*se!f how we!! he@s ?ee"ing the %ar) Ggreen an) c!ean#G
-% (est e<"eriences in teaching ni$ersit% c!asses ha$e co*e when I ha$e
create) a 0in50in share) n)erstan)ing of the goa! " front# GThis is 0hat
we@re tr%ing to acco*"!ish# Here are the (asic reFire*ents for an A7 B7 or C
gra)e# -% goa! is to he!" e$er% one of %o get an A# Now %o ta?e what
we@$e ta!?e) a(ot an) ana!%Ce it an) co*e " with %or own n)erstan)ing
of what %o want to acco*"!ish that is niFe to %o# Then !et@s get together
an) agree on the gra)e %o want an) what %o "!an to )o to get it#G
-anage*ent "hi!oso"her an) cons!tant Peter &rc?er reco**en)s the se
of A G*anager@s !etterG to ca"tre the essence of "erfor*ance agree*ents
(etween *anagers an) their e*"!o%ees# Fo!!owing a )ee" an) thorogh
)iscssion of e<"ectations7 gi)e!ines an) resorces to *a?e sre the% are in
har*on% with organiCationa! goa!s7 the e*"!o%ee writes a !etter to the
*anager that s**ariCes the )iscssion an) in)icates when the ne<t
"erfor*ance "!an or re$iew )iscssion wi!! ta?e "!ace#
&e$e!o"ing sch a 0in50in "erfor*ance agree*ent is this centra! acti$it%
of *anage*ent# 0ith an agree*ent in "!ace7 e*"!o%ees can *anage
the*se!$es within the fra*ewor? of that agree*ent# The *anager then can
ser$e !i?e a "ace car in a race# He can get things going an) then get ot of
the wa%# His Do( fro* then on is to re*o$e the oi! s"i!!s#
22I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
0hen a (oss (eco*es the first assistant to each of his s(or)inates7 he can
great!% increase his s"an of contro!# Entire !e$e!s of a)*inistration an)
o$erhea) can (e e!i*inate)# Instea) of s"er$ising si< or eight7 sch a
*anager can s"er$ise twent%7 thirt%7 fift%7 or *ore#
In 0in50in "erfor*ance agree*ents7 conseFences (eco*e the natra! or
!ogica! res!t of "erfor*ance rather than a rewar) or "nish*ent ar(itrari!%
han)e) ot (% the "erson in charge#
There are (asica!!% for ?in)s of conseFences Mrewar)s an) "ena!tiesN that
*anage*ent or "arents can contro!Afinancia!7 "s%chic7 o""ortnit%7 an)
res"onsi(i!it%# Financia! conseFences inc!)e sch things as inco*e7 stoc?
o"tions7 a!!owances7 or "ena!ties# Ps%chic or "s%cho!ogica! conseFences
inc!)e recognition7 a""ro$a!7 res"ect7 cre)i(i!it%7 or the !oss of the*#
.n!ess "eo"!e are in a sr$i$a! *o)e7 "s%chic co*"ensation is often *ore
*oti$ating than financia! co*"ensation# O""ortnit% inc!)es training7
)e$e!o"*ent7 "er?s7 an) other (enefits# Res"onsi(i!it% has to )o with sco"e
an) athorit%7 either of which can (e en!arge) or )i*inishe)# 0in50in
agree*ents s"ecif% conseFences in one or *ore of those areas an) the
"eo"!e in$o!$e) ?now it " front# So %o )on@t "!a% ga*es# E$er%thing is
c!ear fro* the (eginning#
In a))ition to these !ogica!7 "ersona! conseFences7 it is a!so i*"ortant to
c!ear!% i)entif% what the natra! organiCationa! conseFences are# For
e<a*"!e7 what 0i!! ha""en if I@* !ate to wor?7 if I refse to coo"erate with
others7 if I )on@t )e$e!o" goo) 0in50in "erfor*ance agree*ents with *%
s(or)inates7 if I )on@t ho!) the* acconta(!e for )esire) res!ts7 or if I )on@t
"ro*ote their "rofessiona! growth an) career )e$e!o"*entB
0hen *% )aghter trne) 187 we set " a 0in50in agree*ent regar)ing se
of the fa*i!% car# 0e agree) that she wo!) o(e% the !aws of the !an) an)
that she wo!) ?ee" the car c!ean an) "ro"er!% *aintaine)# 0e agree) that
she wo!) se the car on!% for res"onsi(!e "r"oses an) wo!) ser$e as a
ca( )ri$er for her *other an) *e within reason# An) we a!so agree) that she
wo!) )o a!! her other Do(s cheerf!!% withot (eing re*in)e)# These were
or wins#
0e a!so agree) that I wo!) "ro$i)e so*e resorcesAthe car7 gas7 an)
insrance# An) we agree) that she wo!) *eet wee?!% with *e7 sa!!% on
Sn)a% afternoon7 to e$a!ate how she was )oing (ase) on or agree*ent#
The conseFences were c!ear# As !ong as she ?e"t
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 22K
her "art of the agree*ent7 she co!) se the car# If she )i)n@t ?ee" it7 she
wo!) !ose the "ri$i!ege nti! she )eci)e) to#
This 0in50in agree*ent set " )ear e<"ectations fro* the (eginning on
(oth or "arts# It was a win for herAshe got to se the carAan) it was
certain!% a win for San)ra an) *e# Now she co!) han)!e her own
trans"ortation nee)s an) e$en so*e of ors# 0e )i)n@t ha$e to worr% a(ot
*aintaining the car or ?ee"ing it c!ean# An) we ha) a (i!t,in acconta(i!it%7
which *eant I )i)n@t ha$e to ho$er o$er her or *anage her *etho)s# Her
integrit%7 her conscience7 her "ower of )iscern*ent an) or high E*otiona!
Ban? Accont *anage) her infinite!% (etter# 0e )i)n@t ha$e to get
e*otiona!!% strng ot7 tr%ing to s"er$ise her e$er% *o$e an) co*ing "
with "nish*ents or rewar)s on the s"ot it she )i)n@t )o things the wa% we
thoght she sho!)# 0e ha) a 0in50in agree*ent7 an) it !i(erate) s a!!#
0in50in agree*ents are tre*en)os!% !i(erating# Bt as the "ro)ct of
iso!ate) techniFes7 the% won@t ho!) "# E$en if %o set the* " in the
(eginning7 there is no wa% to *aintain the* withot "ersona! integrit% an) a
re!ationshi" of trst#
A tre 0in50in agree*ent is the "ro)ct of the "ara)ig*7 the character7 an)
the re!ationshi"s ot of which it grows# In that conte<t7 it )efines an) )irects
the inter)e"en)ent interaction for which it was create)#
S%ste*s
0in50in can on!% sr$i$e in an organiCation when the s%ste*s s""ort it# If
%o ta!? 0in50in (t rewar) 0in5Lose7 %o@$e got a !osing "rogra* on
%or han)s#
Yo (asica!!%U get what %o rewar)# If %o want to achie$e the goa!s an)
ref!ect the $a!es in %or *ission state*ent7 then %o nee) to a!ign the
rewar) s%ste* with these goa!s an) $a!es# . it isn@t a!igne) s%ste*ica!!%7
%o won@t (e wa!?ing %or ta!?# Yo@!! (e in the sitation of the *anager I
*entione) ear!ier who ta!?e) coo"eration (t "ractice) co*"etition (%
creating a GRace to Ber*)aG contest#
I wor?e) for se$era! %ears with a $er% !arge rea! estate organiCation in the
-i))!e 0est# -% first e<"erience with this organiCation was at a !arge sa!es
ra!!% where o$er IJJ sa!es associates gathere) for the anna! rewar)
"rogra*# It was a "s%ch,"
23J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
cheer!ea)ing session7 co*"!ete with high schoo! (an)s an) a great )ea! of
frenCie) screa*ing#
Ot of the IJJ "eo"!e there7 aron) fort% recei$e) awar)s for to"
"erfor*ance7 sch as G-ost Sa!es7G GGreatest Vo!*e7G GHighest Earne)
Co**issions7G an) G-ost Listings#G There was a !ot of hoo"!aAe<cite*ent7
cheering7 a""!aseAaron) the "resentation of these7 awar)s# There was no
)o(t that those fort% "eo"!e ha) wonE (t there was a!so the n)er!%ing
awareness that :8J "eo"!e ha) !ost#
0e i**e)iate!% (egan e)cationa! an) organiCationa! )e$e!o"*ent wor? to
a!ign the s%ste*s an) strctres of the organiCation towar) the 0in50in
"ara)ig*# 0e in$o!$e) "eo"!e at a grass roots !e$e! to )e$e!o" the ?in)s of
s%ste*s that wo!) *oti$ate the*# 0e a!so encorage) the* to coo"erate
an) s%nergiCe with each other so that as *an% as "ossi(!e co!) achie$e the
)esire) res!ts of# their in)i$i)a!!% tai!ore) "erfor*ance agree*ents#
At the ne<t ra!!% one %ear !ater7 there were o$er 17JJJ sa!es associates
"resent7 an) a(ot IJJ of the* recei$e) awar)s# There were a few
in)i$i)a! winners (ase) on co*"arisons7 (t the "rogra* "ri*ari!% focse)
on "eo"!e achie$ing se!f,se!ecte) "erfor*ance o(Decti$es an) on gro"s
achie$ing tea* o(Decti$es# There was no nee) to (ring in the high schoo!
(an)s to artificia!!% contri$e the fanfare7 the cheer!ea)ing7 an) the "s%ch "#
There was tre*en)os natra! interest an) e<cite*ent (ecase "eo"!e co!)
share in each other@s ha""iness7 an) tea*s of sa!es associates co!)
e<"erience rewar)s together7 inc!)ing a $acation tri" for the entire office#
The re*ar?a(!e thing was that a!*ost a!! of the IJJ who recei$e) the awar)s
that %ear ha) "ro)ce) as *ch "er "erson in ter*s of $o!*e an) "rofit as
the "re$ios %ear@s fort%# The s"irit of 0in50in ha) significant!% increase)
the n*(er of go!)en eggs an) ha) fe) the goose as we!!7 re!easing
enor*os h*an energ% an) ta!ent# The res!ting s%nerg% was aston)ing to
a!*ost e$er%one in$o!$e)#
Co*"etition has its "!ace in the *ar?et"!ace or against !ast %ear@s
"erfor*anceA"erha"s e$en against another office or in)i$i)a! where there
is no "artic!ar inter)e"en)ence7 no nee) to coo"erate# Bt coo"eration in
the wor?"!ace is as i*"ortant to free enter"rise as co*"etition in the
*ar?et"!ace# The s"irit of 0in5 0in cannot sr$i$e in an en$iron*ent of
co*"etition an) contests#
HABIT 4 THIN' 0IN50IN 231
For 0in50in to wor?7 the s%ste*s ha$e to s""ort it# The training s%ste*7
the "!anning s%ste*7 the co**nication s%ste*7 the ()geting s%ste*7 the
infor*ation s%ste*7 the co*"ensation s%ste*Aa!! ha$e to (e (ase) on the
"rinci"!e of 0in50in#
I )i) so*e cons!ting for another co*"an% that wante) training for their
"eo"!e in h*an re!ations# The n)er!%ing ass*"tion was that the "ro(!e*
was the "eo"!e#
The "resi)ent sai)7 GGo into an% store %o want an) see how the% treat %o#
The%@re Dst or)er ta?ers# The% )on@t n)erstan) how to get c!ose to the
csto*ers# The% )on@t ?now the "ro)ct7 an) the% )on@t ha$e the ?now!e)ge
an) the s?i!! in the sa!es "rocess necessar% to create a *arriage (etween the
"ro)ct an) the nee)#G
So I went to the $arios stores# An) he was right# Bt that sti!! )i)n@t answer
the Festion in *% *in)L 0hat case) the attit)eB
GLoo?7 we@re on to" of the "ro(!e*7G the "resi)ent sai)# G0e ha$e
)e"art*ent hea)s ot there setting a great e<a*"!e# 0e@$e to!) the* their
Do( is two,thir)s se!!ing an) one,thir) *anage*ent7 an) the%@re otse!!ing
e$er%(o)%# 0e Dst want %o to "ro$i)e so*e training for the sa!es"eo"!e#G
Those wor)s raise) a re) f!ag# GLet@s get so*e *ore )ata7G I sai)#
He )i)n@t !i?e that# He G?newG what the "ro(!e* was7 an) he wante) to get
on with training# Bt I "ersiste)7 an) within two )a%s we nco$ere) the rea!
"ro(!e*# Becase of the Do( )efinition an) the co*"ensation s%ste*7 the
*anagers were Gcrea*ing#G The%@) stan) (ehin) the cash register an) crea*
a!! the (siness )ring the s!ow ti*es# Ha!f the ti*e in retai! is s!ow an) the
other ha!f is frantic# So the *anagers wo!) gi$e a!! the )irt% Do(sA
in$entor% contro!7 stoc? wor?7 an) c!eaningAto the sa!es"eo"!e# An) the%
wo!) stan) (ehin) the registers an) crea*# That@s wh% the )e"art*ent
hea)s were to"s in sa!es#
So we change) one s%ste*Athe co*"ensation s%ste*Aan) the "ro(!e*
was correcte) o$ernight# 0e set " a s%ste* where(% the *anagers on!%
*a)e *one% when their sa!es"eo"!e *a)e7 *one%# 0e o$er!a""e) the nee)s
an) goa!s of the *anagers with the nee)s an) goa!s of the sa!es"eo"!e# An)
the nee) for h*an re!ations training s))en!% )isa""eare)# The ?e% was
)e$e!o"ing a tre 0in50in rewar) s%ste*#
232 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
In another instance7 I wor?e) with a *anager in a co*"an% that reFire)
for*a! "erfor*ance e$a!ations# He was frstrate) o$er the e$a!ation rating
he ha) gi$en a "artic!ar *anager# GHe )eser$e) a three7G he sai)7 G(t I ha)
to gi$e hi* a oneG Mwhich *eant s"erior7 "ro*ota(!eN#
G0hat )i) %o gi$e hi* a one forBG I as?e)#
GHe gets the n*(ers7G was his re"!%#
GSo wh% )o %o thin? he )eser$es a threeBG
GIt@s the wa% he gets the*# He neg!ects "eo"!eE he rns o$er the*# He@s a
tro(!e*a?er#G
GIt son)s !i?e he@s tota!!% focse) on PAon "ro)ction# An) that@s what
he@s (eing rewar)e) for# Bt what wo!) ha""en if %o ta!?e) with hi*
a(ot the "ro(!e*7 if %o he!"e) hi* n)erstan) the i*"ortance of PCBG
He sai) he ha) )one so7 with no effect#
GThen what if %o set " a 0in50in contract with hi* where %o (oth
agree) that two,thir)s of his co*"ensation wo!) co*e fro* PAfro* the
n*(ersAan) the other one,thir) wo!) co*e fro* PCAhow other "eo"!e
"ercei$e hi*7 what ?in) of !ea)er7 "eo"!e (i!)er7 tea* (i!)er he isBG
GNow that wo!) get his attention7G he re"!ie)#
So often the "ro(!e* is in the s%ste*7 not in the "eo"!e# If %o "t goo)
"eo"!e in (a) s%ste*s7 %o get (a) res!ts# Yo ha$e to water the f!owers
%o want to grow#
As "eo"!e rea!!% !earn to thin? 0in50in7 the% can set " the s%ste*s to
create an) reinforce it# The% can transfor* nnecessari!% co*"etiti$e
sitations to coo"erati$e ones an) can "owerf!!% i*"act their effecti$eness
(% (i!)ing (oth P an) PC#
In (siness7 e<ecti$es can a!ign their s%ste*s to create tea*s of high!%
"ro)cti$e "eo"!e wor?ing together to co*"ete against e<terna! stan)ar)s of
"erfor*ance# In e)cation7 teachers can set " gra)ing s%ste*s (ase) on an
in)i$i)a!@s "erfor*ance in the conte<t of agree) "on criteria an) can
encorage st)ents to coo"erate in "ro)cti$e wa%s to he!" each other !earn
an) achie$e# In fa*i!ies7 "arents can shift the focs fro* co*"etition with
each other to coo"eration# In acti$ities sch as (ow!ing7 for e<a*"!e7 the%
can ?ee" a fa*i!% score an) tr% to (eat a "re$ios one# The% can set " ho*e
res"onsi(i!ities with 0in50in agree*ents that e!i*inate constant nagging
an) ena(!e "arents to )o the things on!% the% can )o#
HABrr 4 THIN' 0IN50IN
233
A frien) once share) with *e a cartoon he@) seen of two chi!)ren ta!?ing to
each other# GIf *o**% )oesn@t get s " soon7G one was sa%ing7 Gwe@re
going to (e !ate for schoo!#G These wor)s (roght forci(!% to his attention
the natre of the "ro(!e*s create) when fa*i!ies are not organiCe) on a
res"onsi(!e 0in50in (asis#
0in50in "ts the res"onsi(i!it% on the in)i$i)a! for acco*"!ishing
s"ecifie) res!ts within c!ear gi)e!ines an) a$ai!a(!e resorces# It *a?es a
"erson acconta(!e to "erfor* an) e$a!ate the res!ts an) "ro$i)es
conseFences as a natra! res!t of "erfor*ance# An) 0in50in s%ste*s
create the en$iron*ent which s""orts an) reinforces the 0in50in
"erfor*ance agree*ents#
Processes
There@s no wa% to achie$e 0in50in en)s with 0in5Lose or Lose50in
*eans# Yo can@t sa%7 GYo@re going to thin? 0in50in7 whether %o !i?e it
or not#G So the Festion (eco*es how to arri$e at a 0in50in so!tion#
Roger Fisher an) 0i!!ia* .r%7 two Har$ar) !aw "rofessors7 ha$e )one so*e
otstan)ing wor? in what the% ca!! the G"rinci"!e)G a""roach $erss the
G"ositiona!G a""roach to (argaining in their tre*en)os!% sef! an)
insightf! (oo?7 Getting to Yes# A!thogh the wor)s 0in50in are not se)7
the s"irit an) n)er!%ing "hi!oso"h% of the (oo? are in har*on% with the
0in50in a""roach#
The% sggest that the essence of "rinci"!e) negotiation is to se"arate the
"erson fro* the "ro(!e*7 to focs on interests an) not on "ositions7 to in$ent
o"tions for *ta! gain7 an) to insist on o(Decti$e criteriaAso*e e<terna!
stan)ar) or "rinci"!e that (oth "arties can (% into#
In *% own wor? with $arios "eo"!e an) organiCations see?ing 0in50in
so!tions7 I sggest that the% (eco*e in$o!$e) in the fo!!owing for,ste"
"rocessL
First7 see the "ro(!e* fro* the other "oint of $iew# Rea!!% see? to
n)erstan) an) to gi$e e<"ression to the ree)s an) concerns of the other
"art% as we!! as or (etter than the% can the*se!$es#
Secon)7 i)entif% the ?e% isses an) concerts Mnot "ositionsN in$o!$e)#
Thir)7 )eter*ine what res!ts wo!) constitte a f!!% acce"ta(!e so!tion#
An) forth7 i)entif% "ossi(!e new o"tions to achie$e those res!ts
234
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Ha(its 6 an) 8 )ea! )irect!% with two of the e!e*ents of this "rocess7 an) we
wi!! go into those in )e"th in the ne<t two cha"ters#
Bt at this Dnctre7 !et *e "oint ot the high!% interre!ate) natre of the
"rocess of 0in50in with the essence of 0in50in itse!f# Yo can on!%
achie$e 0in50in so!tions with 0in50in "rocessesAthe en) an) the *eans
are the sa*e#
0in50in is not a "ersona!it% techniFe# It@s a tota! "ara)ig* of h*an
interaction# It co*es fro* a character of integrit%7 *atrit%7 an) the
A(n)ance -enta!it%# It grows ot of high,trst re!ationshi"s# It is e*(o)ie)
in agree*ents that effecti$e!% c!arif% an) *anage e<"ectations as we!! as
acco*"!ish*ent# It thri$es in s""orti$e s%ste*s# An) it is achie$e) throgh
the "rocess we are now "re"are) to *ore f!!% e<a*ine in Ha(its 6 an) 8#
A""!ication SggestionsL
1# Thin? a(ot an "co*ing interaction wherein %o wi!! (e atte*"ting to
reach an agree*ent or negotiate a so!tion# Co**it to *aintain a (a!ance
(etween corage an) consi)eration#
2# -a?e a !ist of o(stac!es that ?ee" %o fro* a""!%ing the 0in50in
"ara)ig* *ore freFent!%# &eter*ine what co!) (e )one within %or Circ!e
of Inf!ence to e!i*inate so*e of those o(stac!es#
3# Se!ect a s"ecific re!ationshi" where %o wo!) !i?e to )e$e!o" a 0in50in
agree*ent# Tr% to "t %orse!f in the other "erson@s "!ace7 an) write )own
e<"!icit!% how %o thin? that "erson sees the so!tion# Then !ist7 fro* %or
own "ers"ecti$e7 what res!ts wo!) constitte a 0in for %o# A""roach the
other "erson a* I as? if he or she wo!) (e wi!!ing to co**nicate nti!
%o reach a "oint of agree*ent an) *ta!!% (eneficia! so!tion#
4# I)entif% three ?e% re!ationshi"s in %or !ife# Gi$e so*e in)ication of what
%o fee! the (a!ance is in each of the E*otiona! Ban? Acconts# 0rite )own
so*e s"ecific wa%s %o co!) *a?e )e"osits in each accont#
6# &ee"!% consi)er %or own scri"ting# Is it 0in5LoseB How )oes that
scri"ting affect %or interactions with other "eo"!eB Can %o i)entif% the
*ain sorce of that scri"tB &eter*ine whether or not those scri"ts ser$e we!!
in %or crrent rea!it%#
8# Tr% to i)entif% a *o)e! of 0in50in thin?ing who7 e$en in har)
sitations7 rea!!% see?s *ta! (enefit# &eter*ine now to *ore c!ose!% watch
an) !earn fro* this "erson@s e<a*"!e#
Ha(it 6
See? First to .n)erstan)7 Then to Be .n)erstoo)
Princi"!es of E*"athic Co**nication
The heart has its reasons which reason ?nows not of#
Pasca!
S""ose %o@$e (een ha$ing tro(!e with %or e%es an) %o )eci)e to go to
an o"to*etrist for he!"# After (rief!% !istening to %or co*"!aint7 he ta?es
off his g!asses an) han)s the* to %o#
GPt these on7G he sa%s# GI@$e worn this "air of g!asses for ten %ears now an)
the%@$e rea!!% he!"e) *e# I ha$e an e<tra "air at ho*eE %o can wear these#G
So %o "t the* on7 (t it on!% *a?es the "ro(!e* worse#
@This is terri(!eHG %o e<c!ai*# GI can@t see a thingHG
G0e!!7 what@s wrongBG he as?s# GThe% wor? great for *e# Tr% har)er#G
GI a* tr%ing7G %o insist# GE$er%thing is a (!r#G
G0e!!7 what@s the *atter with %oB Thin? "ositi$e!%#G
GO?a%# I "ositi$e!% can@t see a thing#G
GBo%7 are %o ngratef!HG he chi)es# GAn) after a!! I@$e )one to he!" %oHG
0hat are the chances %o@) go (ac? to that o"to*etrist the ne<t ti*e %o
nee)e) he!"B Not $er% goo)7 I wo!) i*agine# Yo )on@t ha$e *ch
confi)ence in so*eone who )oesn@t )iagnose (efore he or she "rescri(es#
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
23:
Bt how often )o we )iagnose (efore we "rescri(e in co**nicationB
GCo*e on7 hone%7 te!! *e how %o fee!# I ?now it@s har)7 (t I@!! tr% to
n)erstan)#G
GOh7 I )on@t ?now7 -o*# Yo@) thin? it was st"i)#G
GOf corse I wo!)n@tH Yo can te!! *e# Hone%7 no one cares for %o as
*ch as I )o# I@* on!% intereste) in %or we!fare# 0hat@s *a?ing %o so
nha""%B@
GOh7 1 )on@t ?now#G
GCo*e on7 hone%# 0hat is itBG
G0e!!7 to te!! %o the trth7 I Dst )on@t !i?e schoo! an%*ore#G
G0hatBG %o res"on) incre)!os!%# G0hat )o %o *ean %o )on@t !i?e
schoo!B An) after a!! the sacrifices we@$e *a)e for %or e)cationH
E)cation is the fon)ation of %or ftre# If %o@) a""!% %orse!f !i?e %or
o!)er sister )oes7 %o@) )o (etter an) then %o@) !i?e schoo!# Ti*e an) ti*e
again7 we@$e to!) %o to sett!e )own# Yo@$e got the a(i!it%7 (t %o Dst
)on@t a""!% %orse!f# Tr% har)er# Get a "ositi$e attit)e a(ot it#G
Pase#
GNow go ahea)# Te!! *e how %o fee!#G
0e ha$e sch a ten)enc% to rsh in7 to fi< things " with goo) a)$ice# Bt
we often fai! to ta?e the ti*e to )iagnose7 to rea!!%7 )ee"!% n)erstan) the
"ro(!e* first#
If I were to s**ariCe in one sentence the sing!e *ost i*"ortant "rinci"!e I
ha$e !earne) in the fie!) of inter"ersona! re!ations7 it wo!) (e thisL See?
first to n)erstan)7 then to (e n)erstoo)# This "rinci"!e is the ?e% to
effecti$e inter"ersona! co**nication#
Character an) Co**nication
Right now7 %o@re rea)ing a (oo? I@$e written# Rea)ing an) writing are (oth
for*s of co**nication# So are s"ea?ing an) !istening# In fact7 those are the
for (asic t%"es of co**nication# An) thin? of a!! the hors %o s"en)
)oing at !east one of those for things# The a(i!it% to )o the* we!! is
a(so!te!% critica! to %or effecti$eness#
Co**nication is the *ost i*"ortant s?i!! in !ife# 0e s"en) *ost of or
wa?ing hors co**nicating# Bt consi)er thisL Yo@$e s"ent %ears !earning
how to rea) an) write7 %ears !earning
23I
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
how to s"ea?# Bt what a(ot !isteningB 0hat training or e)cation ha$e
%o ha) that ena(!es %o to !isten so that %o rea!!%7 )ee"!% n)erstan)
another h*an (eing fro* that in)i$i)a!@s own fra*e of referenceB
Co*"arati$e!% few "eo"!e ha$e ha) an% training in !istening at a!!# An)7 for
the *ost "art7 their training has (een in the Persona!it% Ethic of techniFe7
trncate) fro* the character (ase an) the re!ationshi" (ase a(so!te!% $ita!
to athentic n)erstan)ing of another "erson#
If %o want to interact effecti$e!% with *e7 to inf!ence *eA %or s"ose7
%or chi!)7 %or neigh(or7 %or (oss7 %or cowor?er7 %or frien)A%o first
nee) to n)erstan) *e# An) %o can@t )o that with techniFe a!one# If I sense
%o@re sing so*e techniFe7 I sense )"!icit%7 *ani"!ation# I won)er wh%
%o@re )oing it7 what %or *oti$es are# An) I )on@t fee! safe enogh to o"en
*%se!f " to %o#
The rea! ?e% to %or inf!ence with *e is %or e<a*"!e7 %or acta!
con)ct# Yor e<a*"!e f!ows natra!!% ot of %or character7 or the ?in) of
"erson %o tr!% areAnot what others sa% %o are or what %o *a% want *e
to thin? %o are# It is e$i)ent in how I acta!!% e<"erience %o#
Yor character is constant!% ra)iating7 co**nicating# Fro* it7 in the !ong
rn7 I co*e to instincti$e!% trst or )istrst %o an) %or efforts with *e#
If %or !ife rns hot an) co!)7 if %o@re (oth castic an) ?in)7 an)7 a(o$e a!!7
if %or "ri$ate "erfor*ance )oesn@t sFare with %or "(!ic "erfor*ance7 it@s
$er% har) for *e to o"en " with %o# Then7 as *ch as I *a% want an)
e$en nee) to recei$e %or !o$e an) inf!ence7 T )on@t fee! safe enogh to
e<"ose *% o"inions an) e<"eriences an) *% ten)er fee!ings# 0ho ?nows
what wi!! ha""enB
Bt n!ess I o"en " with %o7 n!ess %o n)erstan) *e an) *% niFe
sitation an) fee!ings7 %o won@t ?now how to a)$ise or conse! *e# 0hat
%o sa% is goo) an) fine7 (t it )oesn@t Fite "ertain to *e#
Yo *a% sa% %o care a(ot an) a""reciate *e# I )es"erate!% want to
(e!ie$e that# Bt how can %o a""reciate *e when %o )on@t e$en
n)erstan) *eB A!! I ha$e are %or wor)s7 an) I can@t trst wor)s#
I@* too angr% an) )efensi$eA"erha"s too gi!t% an) afrai)Ato (e
inf!ence)7 e$en thogh insi)e I ?now I nee) what %o co!) te!! *e#
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
23K
.n!ess %o@re inf!ence) (% *% niFeness7 I@* not going to (e inf!ence)
(% %or a)$ice# So if %o want to (e rea!!% effecti$e in the ha(it of
inter"ersona! co**nication7 %o cannot )o it with techniFe a!one# Yo
ha$e to (i!) the s?i!!s of e*"athic !istening on a (ase of character that
ins"ires o"enness an) trst# An) %o ha$e to (i!) the E*otiona! Ban?
Acconts that create a co**erce (etween hearts#
E*"athic Listening
GSee? first to n)erstan)G in$o!$es a $er% )ee" shift in "ara)ig*# 0e
t%"ica!!% see? first to (e n)erstoo)# -ost "eo"!e )o not !isten with the
intent to n)erstan)E the% !isten with the intent to re"!%# The%@re either
s"ea?ing or "re"aring to s"ea?# The%@re fi!tering e$er%thing throgh their
own "ara)ig*s7 rea)ing their ato(iogra"h% into other "eo"!e@s !i$es#
GOh7 I ?now e<act!% how %o fee!HG
GI went throgh the $er% sa*e thing# Let *e te!! %o a(ot *% e<"erience#G
The%@re constant!% "roDecting their own ho*e *o$ies onto other "eo"!e@s
(eha$ior# The% "rescri(e their own g!asses for e$er%one with who* the%
interact#
If the% ha$e a "ro(!e* with so*eoneAa son7 a )aghter7 a s"ose7 an
e*"!o%eeAtheir attit)e is7 GThat "erson Dst )oesn@t n)erstan)#G
A father once to!) *e7 GI can@t n)erstan) *% ?i)# He Dst won@t !isten to *e
at a!!#G
GLet *e restate what %o Dst sai)7G I re"!ie)# GYo )on@t n)erstan) %or
son (ecase he won@t !isten to %oBG
GThat@s right7G he re"!ie)#
GLet *e tr% again7G I sai)# GYo )on@t n)erstan) %or son (ecase he won@t
!isten to %oBG
GThat@s what I sai)7G he i*"atient!% re"!ie)#
GI thoght that to n)erstan) another "erson7 %o nee)e) to !isten to hi*7G I
sggeste)#
GOhHG he sai)# There was a !ong "ase# GOhHG he sai) again7 as the !ight
(egan to )awn# GOh7 %eahH Bt I )o n)erstan) hi*# I ?now what he@s going
throgh# I went throgh the sa*e thing *%se!f# I gess what I )on@t
n)erstan) is wh% he won@t !isten to *e#G
This *an )i)n@t ha$e the $agest i)ea of what was rea!!% going
24J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
on insi)e his (o%@s hea)# He !oo?e) into his own hea) an) thoght he saw
the wor!)7 inc!)ing his (o%#
That@s the case with so *an% of s# 0e@re fi!!e) with or own Tightness7 or
own ato(iogra"h%# 0e want to (e n)erstoo)# Or con$ersations (eco*e
co!!ecti$e *ono!oges7 an) we ne$er rea!!% n)erstan) what@s going on
insi)e another h*an (eing#
0hen another "erson s"ea?s7 we@re sa!!% G!isteningG at one of for !e$e!s#
0e *a% (e ignoring another "erson7 not rea!!% !istening at a!!# 0e *a%
"ractice "reten)ing# GYeah# .h,hh# Right#G 0e *a% "ractice se!ecti$e
!istening7 hearing on!% certain "arts of the con$ersation# 0e often )o this
when we@re !istening to the constant chatter of a "reschoo! chi!)# Or we *a%
e$en "ractice attenti$e !istening7 "a%ing attention an) focsing energ% on the
wor)s that are (eing sai)# Bt $er% few of s e$er "ractice the fifth !e$e!7 the
highest for* of !istening7 e*"athic !istening#
0hen I sa% e*"athic !istening7 I a* not referring to the techniFes of
Gacti$eG !istening or Gref!ecti$eG !istening7 which (asica!!% in$o!$e
*i*ic?ing what another "erson sa%s# That ?in) of !istening is s?i!!,(ase)7
trncate) fro* character an) re!ationshi"s7 an) often ins!ts those G!istene)G
to in sch a wa%# It is a!so essentia!!% ato(iogra"hica!# If %o "ractice those
techniFes7 %o *a% not "roDect %or ato(iogra"h% in the acta! interaction7
(t %or *oti$e in !istening is ato(iogra"hica!# Yo !isten with ref!ecti$e
s?i!!s7 (t %o !isten with intent to re"!%7 to contro!7 to *ani"!ate#
0hen I sa% e*"athic !istening7 I *ean !istening with intent to n)erstan)# I
*ean see?ing first to n)erstan)7 to rea!!% n)erstan)# It@s an entire!%
)ifferent "ara)ig*#
E*"athic Mfro* e*"ath%N !istening gets insi)e another "erson@s fra*e of
reference# Yo !oo? ot throgh it7 %o see the wor!) the wa% the% see the
wor!)7 %o n)erstan) their "ara)ig*7 %o n)erstan) how the% fee!#
E*"ath% is not s%*"ath%# S%*"ath% is a for* of agree*ent7 a for* of
D)g*ent# An) it is so*eti*es the *ore a""ro"riate e*otion an) res"onse#
Bt "eo"!e often fee) on s%*"ath%# It *a?es the* )e"en)ent# The essence
of e*"athic !istening is not that %o agree with so*eoneE it@s that %o f!!%7
)ee"!%7 n)erstan) that "erson7 e*otiona!!% as we!! as inte!!ecta!!%#
E*"athic !istening in$o!$es *ch *ore than registering7 ref!ecting7 or e$en
n)erstan)ing the wor)s that are sai)# Co**nica,
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
241
tions e<"erts esti*ate7 in fact7 that on!% 1J "ercent of or co**nication is
re"resente) (% the wor)s we sa%# Another 3J "ercent is re"resente) (% or
son)s7 an) 8J "ercent (% or (o)% !angage# In e*"athic !istening7 %o
!isten with %or ears7 (t %o a!so7 an) *ore i*"ortant!%7 !isten with %or
e%es an) with %or heart# Yo !isten for fee!ing7 for *eaning# Yo !isten for
(eha$ior# Yo se %or right (rain as we!! as %or !eft# Yo sense7 %o
intit7 %o fee!#
E*"athic !istening is so "owerf! (ecase it gi$es %o accrate )ata to wor?
with# Instea) of "roDecting %or own ato(iogra"h% an) ass*ing thoghts7
fee!ings7 *oti$es an) inter"retation7 %o@re )ea!ing with the rea!it% insi)e
another "erson@s hea) an) heart# Yo@re !istening to n)erstan)# Yo@re
focse) on recei$ing the )ee" co**nication of another h*an so!#
In a))ition7 e*"athic !istening is the ?e% to *a?ing )e"osits in E*otiona!
Ban? Acconts7 (ecase nothing %o )o is a )e"osit n!ess the other "erson
"ercei$es it as sch# Yo can wor? %or fingers to the (one to *a?e a
)e"osit7 on!% to ha$e it trn into a with)rawa! when a "erson regar)s %or
efforts as *ani"!ati$e7 se!f,ser$ing7 inti*i)ating7 or con)escen)ing (ecase
%o )on@t n)erstan) what rea!!% *atters to hi*#
E*"athic !istening is7 in an) of itse!f7 a tre*en)os )e"osit in Uthe
E*otiona! Ban? Accont# It@s )ee"!% thera"etic an) hea!ing (ecase it
gi$es a "erson G"s%cho!ogica! air#G
If a!! the air were s))en!% sc?e) ot of the roo* %o@re in right now7 what
wo!) ha""en to %or interest in this (oo?B Yo wo!)n@t care a(ot the
(oo?E %o wo!)n@t care a(ot an%thing e<ce"t getting air# Sr$i$a! wo!)
(e %or on!% *oti$ation#
Bt now that %o ha$e air7 it )oesn@t *oti$ate %o# This is one of the greatest
insights in the fie!) of h*an *oti$ationL Satisfie) nee)s )o not *oti$ate#
It@s on!% the nsatisfie) nee) that *oti$ates# Ne<t to "h%sica! sr$i$a!7 the
greatest nee) of a h*an (eing is "s%cho!ogica! sr$i$a!Ato (e n)erstoo)7
to (e affir*e)7 to (e $a!i)ate)7 to (e a""reciate)#
0hen %o !isten with e*"ath% to another "erson7 %o gi$e that "erson
"s%cho!ogica! air# An) after that $ita! nee) is *et7 %o can then focs on
inf!encing or "ro(!e* so!$ing#
This nee) for "s%cho!ogica! air i*"acts co**nication in e$er% area of !ife#
242 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
I taght this conce"t at a se*inar in Chicago one ti*e7 an) I instrcte) the
"artici"ants to "ractice e*"athic !istening )ring the e$ening# The ne<t
*orning7 a *an ca*e " to *e a!*ost (rsting with news#
GLet *e te!! %o what ha""ene) !ast night7G he sai)# GI was tr%ing to c!ose a
(ig co**ercia! rea! estate )ea! whi!e I was here in Chicago# I *et with the
"rinci"a!s7 their attorne%s7 an) another rea! estate agent who ha) Dst (een
(roght in with an a!ternati$e "ro"osa!#
GIt !oo?e) as if I were going to !ose the )ea!# I ha) (een wor?ing on this )ea!
for o$er si< *onths an)7 in a $er% rea! sense7 a!! *% eggs were in this one
(as?et# A!! of the*# I "anic?e)# I )i) e$er%thing I co!)AI "!!e) ot a!! the
sto"sAI se) e$er% sa!es techniFe I co!)# The fina! sto" was to sa%7
@Co!) we )e!a% this )ecision Dst a !itt!e !ongerB@ Bt the *o*ent* was so
strong an) the% were so )isgste) (% ha$ing this thing go on so !ong7 it was
o($ios the% were going to c!ose#
GSo I sai) to *%se!f7 @0e!!7 wh% not tr% itB 0h% not "ractice what I !earne)
to)a% an) see? first to n)erstan)7 then to (e n)erstoo)B I@$e got nothing to
!ose#@
GI Dst sai) to the *an7 @Let *e see if I rea!!% n)erstan) what %or "osition
is an) what %or concerns a(ot *% reco**en)ations rea!!% are# 0hen %o
fee! I n)erstan) the*7 then we@!! see whether *% "ro"osa! has an%
re!e$ance or not#@
GI rea!!% trie) to "t *%se!f in his shoes# I trie) to $er(a!iCe his nee)s an)
concerns7 an) he (egan to o"en "#
GThe *ore I sense) an) e<"resse) the things he was worrie) a(ot7 the
res!ts he antici"ate)7 the *ore he o"ene) "#
GFina!!%7 in the *i))!e of or con$ersation7 he stoo) "7 wa!?e) o$er to the
"hone7 an) )ia!e) his wife# Ptting his han) o$er the *oth"iece7 he sai)7
@Yo@$e got the )ea!#@
GI was tota!!% )*(fon)e)7G he to!) *e# GI sti!! a* this *orning#G
He ha) *a)e a hge )e"osit in the E*otiona! Ban? Accont (% gi$ing the
*an "s%cho!ogica! air# 0hen it co*es right )own to it7 other things (eing
re!ati$e!% eFa!7 the h*an )%na*ic is *ore i*"ortant than the technica!
)i*ensions of the )ea!#
See?ing first to n)erstan)7 )iagnosing (efore %o "rescri(e7 is har)# It@s so
*ch easier in the short rn to han) so*eone a "air of g!asses that ha$e fit
%o so we!! these *an% %ears#
243
Bt in the !ong rn7 it se$ere!% )e"!etes (oth P an) PC# Yo can@t achie$e
*a<i** inter)e"en)ent "ro)ction fro* an inaccrate n)erstan)ing of
where other "eo"!e are co*ing fro*# An) %o can@t ha$e inter"ersona! PCA
high E*otiona! Ban? AccontsAif the "eo"!e %o re!ate with )on@t rea!!%
fee! n)erstoo)#
E*"athic !istening is a!so ris?%# It ta?es a great )ea! of secrit% to go into a
)ee" !istening e<"erience (ecase %o o"en %orse!f " to (e inf!ence)#
Yo (eco*e $!nera(!e# It@s a "ara)o<7 in a sense7 (ecase in or)er to ha$e
inf!ence7 %o ha$e to (e inf!ence)# That *eans %o ha$e to rea!!%
n)erstan)#
That@s wh% Ha(its 17 27 an) 3 are so fon)ationa!# The% gi$e %o the
change!ess: inner core7 the "rinci"!e center7 fro* which %o can han)!e the
*ore otwar) $!nera(i!it% with "eace an) strength#
&iagnose Before Yo Prescri(e
A!thogh it@s ris?% an) har)7 see? first to n)erstan)7 or )iagnose (efore %o
"rescri(e7 is a correct "rinci"!e *anifest in *an% areas of !ife# It@s the *ar?
of a!! tre "rofessiona!s# It@s critica! for the o"to*etrist7 it@s critica! for the
"h%sician# Yo wo!)n@t ha$e an% confi)ence in a )octor@s "rescri"tion
n!ess %o ha) confi)ence in the )iagnosis#
0hen or )aghter >enn% was on!% two *onths o!)7 she was sic? one
Satr)a%7 the )a% of a foot(a!! ga*e in or co**nit% that )o*inate) the
consciosness of a!*ost e$er%one# It was an i*"ortant ga*eAso*e 8J7JJJ
"eo"!e were there# San)ra an) I wo!) !i?e to ha$e gone7 (t we )i)n@t want
to !ea$e !itt!e >enn%# Her $o*iting an) )iarrhea ha) s concerne)#
The )octor was at that ga*e# He wasn@t or "ersona! "h%sician7 (t he was
the one on ca!!# 0hen >enn%@s sitation got worse7 we )eci)e) we nee)e)
so*e *e)ica! a)$ice#
San)ra )ia!e) the sta)i* an) ha) hi* "age)# It was right at a critica! ti*e
in the ga*e7 an) she co!) sense an officios tone in his $oice# GYesBG he
sai) (ris?!%# G0hat is itBG
GThis is -rs# Co$e%7 &octor7 an) we@re concerne) a(ot or )aghter7
>enn%#G
G0hat@s the sitationBG he as?e)
San)ra )escri(e) the s%*"to*s7 an) he sai)7 GO?a%# I@!! ca!! in a
"rescri"tion# 0hich is %or "har*ac%BG
0hen she hng "7 San)ra fe!t that in her rsh she ha)n@t rea!!%
244 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
gi$en hi* f!! )ata7 (t that what she ha) to!) hi* was a)eFate#
G&o %o thin? he rea!iCes that >enn% is Dst a new(ornBG I as?e) her#
GI@* sre he )oes7G San)ra re"!ie)#
GBt he@s not or )octor# He@s ne$er e$en treate) her#
G0e!!7 I@* "rett% sre he ?nows#G
GAre %o wi!!ing to gi$e her the *e)icine n!ess %o@re a(so!te!% sre he
?nowsBG
San)ra was si!ent# G0hat are we going to )oBG she fina!!% sai)#
GCa!! hi* (ac?7G I sai)#
GYo ca!! hi* (ac?7G San)ra re"!ie)#
So I )i)# He was "age) ot of the ga*e once again# G&octor7G I sai)7 Gwhen
%o ca!!e) in that "rescri"tion7 )i) %o rea!iCe that >enn% is Dst two *onths
o!)BG
GNoHG he e<c!ai*e)# GI )i)n@t rea!iCe that# It=s goo) %o ca!!e) *e (ac?# I@!!
change the "rescri"tion i**e)iate!%#G
If %o )on@t ha$e confi)ence in the )iagnosis7 %o won@t ha$e confi)ence in
the "rescri"tion#
This "rinci"!e is a!so tre in sa!es# An effecti$e sa!es "erson first see?s to
n)erstan) the nee)s7 the concerns7 the sitation of the csto*er# The
a*ater sa!es*an se!!s "ro)ctsE the "rofessiona! se!!s so!tions to nee)s
an) "ro(!e*s# It@s a tota!!% )ifferent a""roach# The "rofessiona! !earns how
to )iagnose7 how to n)erstan)# He a!so !earns how to re!ate "eo"!e@s nee)s
to his "ro)cts an) ser$ices# An)7 he has to ha$e the integrit% to sa%7 G-%
"ro)ct or ser$ice wi!! not *eet that nee)G if it wi!! not#
&iagnosing (efore %o "rescri(e is a!so fn)a*enta! to !aw# The
"rofessiona! !aw%er first gathers the facts to n)erstan) the sitation7 to
n)erstan) the !aws an) "rece)ents7 (efore "re"aring a case# A goo) !aw%er
a!*ost writes the o""osing attorne%@s case (efore he writes his own#
It@s a!so tre in "ro)ct )esign# Can %o i*agine so*eone in a co*"an%
sa%ing7 GThis cons*er research stff is for the (ir)s# Let@s )esign "ro)cts#G
In other wor)s7 forget n)erstan)ing the cons*er@s (%ing ha(its an)
*oti$esADst )esign "ro)cts# It wo!) ne$er wor?#
A goo) engineer wi!! n)erstan) the forces7 the stresses at wor?7 (efore
)esigning the (ri)ge# A goo) teacher wi!! assess the c!ass (efore teaching# A
goo) st)ent wi!! n)erstan) (efore he a""!ies# A goo) "arent wi!!
n)erstan) (efore e$a!ating or D)ging# The
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
246
?e% to goo) D)g*ent is n)erstan)ing# B% D)ging first7 a "erson wi!! ne$er
f!!% n)erstan)#
See? first to n)erstan) is a correct "rinci"!e e$i)ent in a!! areas of !ife# It@s a
generic7 co**on )eno*inator "rinci"!e7 (t it has its greatest "ower in the
area of inter"ersona! re!ations#
For Ato(iogra"hica! Res"onses
Becase we !isten ato(iogra"hica!!%7 we ten) to res"on) in one of for
wa%s# 0e e$a!ateAwe either agree or )isagreeE we "ro(eA we as?
Festions fro* or own fra*e of referenceE we a)$iseAwe gi$e conse!
(ase) on or own e<"erienceE or we inter"retAwe tr% to figre "eo"!e ot7
to e<"!ain their *oti$es7 their (eha$ior7 (ase) on or own *oti$es an)
(eha$ior#
These res"onses co*e natra!!% to s# 0e are )ee"!% scri"te) in the*E we
!i$e aron) *o)e!s of the* a!! the ti*e# Bt how )o the% affect or a(i!it% to
rea!!% n)erstan)B
If I@* tr%ing to co**nicate with *% son7 can he fee! free to o"en hi*se!f
" to *e when I e$a!ate e$er%thing he sa%s (efore he rea!!% e<"!ains itB
A* I gi$ing hi* "s%cho!ogica! airB
An) how )oes he fee! when I "ro(eB Pro(ing is "!a%ing twent% Festions#
It@s ato(iogra"hica!7 it contro!s7 an) it in$a)es# It@s a!so !ogica!7 an) the
!angage of !ogic is )ifferent fro* the !angage of senti*ent an) e*otion#
Yo can "!a% twent% Festions a!! )a% an) not fin) ot what@s i*"ortant to
so*eone# Constant "ro(ing is one of the *ain reasons "arents )o not get
c!ose to their chi!)ren#
GHow@s it going7 sonBG
GFine#G
G0e!!7 what=s (een ha""ening !ate!%BG
GNothing#G
GSo what@s e<citing in schoo!BG
GNot *ch#G
GAn) what are %or "!ans for the wee?en)BG
GI )on@t ?now#G
Yo can@t get hi* off the "hone ta!?ing with his frien)s7 (t a!! he gi$es %o
is one, an) two,wor) answers# Yor hose is a *ote! where he eats an)
s!ee"s7 (t he ne$er shares7 ne$er o"ens "#
An) when %o thin? a(ot it7 honest!%7 wh% sho!) he7 if e$er% ti*e he )oes
o"en " his soft n)er(e!!%7 %o e!e"hant sto*" it with ato(iogra"hica!
a)$ice an) GI to!) %o so=s#G
0e are so )ee"!% scri"te) in these res"onses that we )on@t e$en
248 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
rea!iCe when we se the*# I ha$e taght this conce"t to thosan)s of "eo"!e
in se*inars across the contr%7 an) it ne$er fai!s to shoc? the* )ee"!% as we
ro!e,"!a% e*"athic !istening sitations an) the% fina!!% (egin to !isten to
their own t%"ica! res"onses# Bt as the% (egin to see how the% nor*a!!%
res"on) an) !earn how to !isten with e*"ath%7 the% can see the )ra*atic
res!ts in co**nication# To *an%7 see? first to n)erstan) (eco*es the
*ost e<citing7 the *ost i**e)iate!% a""!ica(!e7 of a!! the Se$en Ha(its#
Let@s ta?e a !oo? at what we!! *ight (e a t%"ica! co**nication (etween a
father an) his teenage son# Loo? at the father@s wor)s in ter*s of the for
)ifferent res"onses we ha$e Dst )escri(e)#
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG
G0hat@s the *atter7 SonBG M"ro(ingN#
GIt@s tota!!% i*"ractica!# I )on@t get a thing ot of it#G
G0e!!7 %o Dst can@t see the (enefits %et7 Son# I fe!t the sa*e wa% when I
was %or age# I re*e*(er thin?ing what a waste so*e of the c!asses were#
Bt those c!asses trne) ot to (e the *ost he!"f! to *e !ater on# >st hang
in there# Gi$e it so*e ti*eG Ma)$isingN#
GI@$e gi$en it ten %ears of *% !ifeH Can %o te!! *e what goo) @< "!s % is
going to (e to *e as an ato *echanicBG
GAn ato *echanicB Yo@$e got to (e ?i))ingG Me$a!atingN#
GNo7 I@* not# Loo? at >oe# He@s Fit schoo!# He@s wor?ing on cars# An) he@s
*a?ing !ots of *one%# Now that@s "ractica!#G
GIt *a% !oo? that wa% now# Bt se$era! %ears )own the roa)7 >oe@s going to
wish he@) sta%e) in schoo!# Yo )on@t want to (e an ato *echanic# Yo
nee) an e)cation to "re"are %o for so*ething (etter than thatG Ma)$isingN#
GI )on@t ?now# >oe@s got a "rett% goo) set "#G
GLoo?7 Son7 ha$e %o rea!!% trie)BG M"ro(ing7 e$a!atingN#
GI@$e (een in high schoo! two %ears now# Sre I@$e trie)# It@s Dst a waste#G
GThat@s a high!% res"ecte) schoo!7 Son# Gi$e the* a !itt!e cre)itG Ma)$ising7
e$a!atingN#
G0e!!7 the other g%s fee! the sa*e wa% I )o#G
G&o %o rea!iCe how *an% sacrifices %or *other an) I ha$e *a)e to get
%o where %o areB Yo can@t Fit when %o@$e co*e this farG Me$a!atingN#
GI ?now %o@$e sacrifice)7 &a)# Bt it@s Dst not worth it#G
HABri 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
24:
GLoo?7 *a%(e if %o s"ent *ore ti*e )oing %or ho*ewor? an) !ess ti*e in
front of TV # # #G Ma)$ising7 e$a!atingN#
GLoo?7 &a)# It@s Dst no goo)# Oh ### ne$er *in)H I )on@t want to ta!? a(ot
this an%wa%#G
O($ios!%7 his father was we!! inten)e)# O($ios!%7 he wante) to he!"# Bt
)i) he e$en (egin to rea!!% n)erstan)B
Let@s !oo? *ore caref!!% at the sonAnot Dst his wor)s7 (t his thoghts an)
fee!ings Me<"resse) "arenthetica!!% (e!owN an) the "ossi(!e effect of so*e of
his )a)@s ato(iogra"hica! res"onses#
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG MI want to ta!? with %o7 to
get %or attention#N
G0hat@s the *atter7 SonBG MYo@re intereste)H Goo)HN
GIt=s tota!!% i*"ractica!# I )on@t get a thing ot of it#G MI@$e got a "ro(!e* with
schoo!7 an) I fee! Dst terri(!e#N
G0e!!7 %o Dst can@t see the (enefits %et7 Son# I fe!t the sa*e wa% when I
was %or age#G MOh7 noH Here co*es Cha"ter three of &a)@s ato(iogra"h%#
This isn@t what I want to ta!? a(ot# I )on@t rea!!% care how *an% *i!es he
ha) to tr)ge throgh the snow to schoo! withot an% (oots# I want to get to
the "ro(!e*#N GI re*e*(er thin?ing what a waste so*e of the c!asses were#
Bt those c!asses trne) ot to (e the *ost he!"f! to *e !ater on# >st hang
in there# Gi$e it so*e ti*e#G MTi*e won@t so!$e *% "ro(!e*# I wish I co!)
te!! %o# I wish I co!) Dst s"it it ot#N
GI@$e gi$en it ten %ears of *% !ifeH Can %o te!! *e what goo) @< "!s Y is
going to )o *e as an ato *echanicBG
GAn ato *echanicB Yo@$e got to (e ?i))ing#G MHe wo!)n@t !i?e *e if I
were an ato *echanic# He wo!)n@t !i?e *e if I )i)n@t finish schoo!# I ha$e
to Dstif% what 1 sai)#N
GNo7 I@* not# Loo? at >oe# He@s Fit schoo!# He@s wor?ing on cars# An) he@s
*a?ing !ots of *one%# Now that=s "ractica!#G
GIt *a% !oo? that wa% now# Bt se$era! %ears )own the roa)7 >oe@s going to
wish he@) sta%e) in schoo!#G MOh7 (o%H Here co*es !ectre n*(er si<teen
on the $a!e of an e)cation#N GYo )on@t want to (e an ato *echanic#G
MHow )o %o ?now that7 &a)B &o %o rea!!% ha$e an% i)ea what I wantBN
GYo nee) an e)cation to "re"are %o for so*ething (etter than that#G
GI )on@t ?now# >oe@s got a "rett% goo) set "#G MHe@s not a fai!re# He )i)n@t
finish schoo! an) he@s not a fai!re#N
GLoo?7 Son7 ha$e %o rea!!% trie)BG M0e@re (eating aron) the (sh7
24I
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
&a)# If %o@) Dst !isten7 1 rea!!% nee) to ta!? to %o a(ot so*ething
i*"ortant#N
GI@$e (een in high schoo! two %ears now# Sre I@$e trie)# It@s Dst a waste#G
GThat@s a high!% res"ecte) schoo!7 Son# Gi$e the* a !itt!e cre)it#G MOh7 great#
Now we@re ta!?ing cre)i(i!it%# I wish 1 co!) ta!? a(ot what I want to ta!?
a(ot#N
G0e!!7 the other g%s fee! the sa*e wa% I )o#G MI ha$e so*e cre)i(i!it%7 too#
I@* not a *oron#N
G&o %o rea!iCe how *an% sacrifices %or *other an) I ha$e *a)e to get
%o where %o areBG M.h,oh7 here co*es the gi!t tri"# -a%(e !a* a *oron#
The schoo!@s great7 -o* an) &a) are great7 an) I@* a *oron#N GYo can@t
Fit when %o@$e co*e this far#G
G1 ?now %o@$e sacrifice)7 &a)# Bt it@s Dst not worth it#G MYo Dst )on@t
n)erstan)#N
GLoo?7 *a%(e if %o s"ent *ore ti*e )oing %or ho*ewor? an) !ess ti*e in
front of TV# # # #G MThat@s not the "ro(!e*7 &a)H That@s not it at a!!H I@!! ne$er
(e a(!e to te!! %o# I was )*( to tr%#N
GLoo?7 &a)# It@s Dst no goo)# Oh # # # ne$er *in)H 1 )on@t want to ta!? a(ot
this an%wa%#G
Can %o see how !i*ite) we are when we tr% to n)erstan) another "erson
on the (asis of wor)s a!one7 es"ecia!!% when we@re !oo?ing at that "erson
throgh or own g!assesB Can %o see how !i*iting or ato(iogra"hica!
res"onses are to a "erson who is genine!% tr%ing to get s to n)erstan) his
ato(iogra"h%B
Yo wi!! ne$er (e a(!e to tr!% ste" insi)e another "erson7 to see the wor!)
as he sees it7 nti! %o )e$e!o" the "re )esire7 the strength of "ersona!
character7 an) the "ositi$e E*otiona! Ban? Accont7 as we!! as the e*"athic
!istening s?i!!s to )o it#
The s?i!!s7 the ti" of the ice(erg of e*"athic !istening7 in$o!$e for
)e$e!o"*enta! stages#
The first an) !east effecti$e is to *i*ic7 content# This is the s?i!! taght in
Gacti$eG or Gref!ecti$eG !istening# 0ithot the character an) re!ationshi"
(ase7 it is often ins!ting to "eo"!e an) cases the* to c!ose "# It is7
howe$er7 a first stage s?i!! (ecase it at !east D cases %o to !isten to what@s
(eing sai)#
-i*ic?ing content is eas%# Yo Dst !isten to the wor)s that co*e ot of
so*eone@s *oth an) %o re"eat the*# Yo@re har)!% e$en sing %or (rain
at a!!#
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
24K
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG
GYo@$e ha) it# Yo thin? schoo! is for the (ir)s#G
Yo ha$e essentia!!% re"eate) (ac? the content of what was (eing sai)# Yo
ha$en@t e$a!ate) or "ro(e) or a)$ise) or inter"rete)# Yo@$e at !east showe)
%o@re "a%ing attention to his wor)s# Bt to n)erstan)7 %o want to )o
*ore#
The secon) stage of e*"hatic !istening is to re"hrase the content# It@s a !itt!e
*ore effecti$e7 (t it@s sti!! !i*ite) to the $er(a! co**nication#
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG
GYo,eten@4,wanHo go to schoo! an%*ore#G
This ti*e7 %o@$e "t his *eaning into %or own wor)s# Now %o@re
thin?ing a(ot what he sai)7 *ost!% with the !eft si)e7 the reasoning7 !ogica!
si)e of the (rain#
The thir) stage (rings %or right (rain into o"eration# Yo ref!ect fee!ing#
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG
GYo@re fee!ing rea!!% frstrate)#G
Now %o@re not "a%ing as *ch attention to what he@s sa%ing as %o are to
the wa% he fee!s a(ot what he@s sa%ing# The forth stage inc!)es (oth the
secon) an) the thir)# Yo re"hrase the content an) ref!ect the fee!ing#
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG
GYo@re rea!!% frstrate) a(ot schoo!#G
Frstration is the fee!ingE schoo! is the content# Yo@re sing (oth si)es of
%or (rain to n)erstan) (oth si)es of his co**nication#
Now7 what ha""ens when %o se forth stage e*"athic !istening s?i!!s is
rea!!% incre)i(!e# As %o athentica!!% see? to n)erstan)7 as %o re"hrase
content an) ref!ect fee!ing7 %o gi$e hi* "s%cho!ogica! air# Yo a!so he!"
hi* wor? throgh his own thoghts an) fee!ings# As he grows in his
confi)ence of %or sincere )esire to rea!!% !isten an) n)erstan)7 the (arrier
(etween what@s going on insi)e hi* an) what@s acta!!% (eing co**nicate)
to %o )isa""ears# It o"ens a so! to so! f!ow# He@s not thin?ing an) fee!ing
one thing an) co**nicating another# He (egins to trst %o with his
inner*ost ten)er fee!ings an) thoghts#
GBo%7 &a)7 I@$e ha) itH Schoo! is for the (ir)sHG MI want to ta!? with %o7 to
get %or attention#N
26J
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PBCtftE
GYo@re rea!!% frstrate) a(ot schoo!#G `That@s rightH That@s how I fee!#N
GI sre a*# It@s tota!!% i*"ractica!# I@* not getting a thing ot of it#G
GYo fee! !i?e schoo!@s not )oing %o an% goo)#G MLet *e thin?Ais that what
I *eanBN
G0e!!7 %eah# I@* Dst not !earning an%thing that=s going to he!" *e# I *ean7
!oo? at >oe# He@s )ro""e) ot of schoo! an) he@s wor?ing on cars# He@s
*a?ing *one%# Now that=s "ractica!#G
GYo fee! that >oe rea!!% has the right i)ea#G M0e!!# # # #N
G0e!!7 I gess he )oes in a wa%# He@s rea!!% *a?ing *one% now# Bt in a
few %ears7 I (et he@!! "ro(a(!% (e tic?e) off at hi*se!f#G
GYo thin? >oe@s going to fee! he *a)e the wrong )ecision#G
GHe@s got to# >st !oo? at what he@s gi$ing "# I *ean7 if %o )on@t ha$e an
e)cation7 %o Dst can@t *a?e it in this wor!)#G
GE)cation is rea!!% i*"ortant#G
GOh7 %eahH I *ean7 if %o )on@t ha$e a )i"!o*a7 if %o can@t get Do(s or go to
co!!ege7 what are %o going to )oB Yo@$e Dst got to get an e)cation#G
GIt@s i*"ortant to %or ftre#G
GIt is# An) # # # %o ?now whatB I@* rea!!% worrie)# Listen7 %o won@t te!!
-o*7 wi!! %oBG
GYo )on@t want %or *other to fin) ot#G
G0e!!7 not rea!!%# Oh7 I gess %o can te!! her# She@!! "ro(a(!% fin) ot
an%wa%# Loo?7 I too? this test to)a%7 this rea)ing test# An)7 &a)7 the% sai)
I@* rea)ing on a forth,gra)e !e$e!# Forth gra)eH An) I@* a Dnior in high
schoo!HG
0hat a )ifference rea! n)erstan)ing can *a?eH A!! the we!!,*eaning a)$ice
in the wor!) won@t a*ont to a hi!! of (eans if we@re not e$en a))ressing the
rea! "ro(!e*# An) we@!! ne$er get to f,he "ro(!e* if we@re so caght " in
or own ato(iogra"h%7 or own "ara)ig*s7 that we )on@t ta?e off or
g!asses !ong enogh see The wor!) fro* another "oint of $iew#
GI@* going to f!n?7 &a)# I gess I figre if I@* going to f!n? *ight as we!!
Fit# Bt I )on@t want to Fit#G
GYo fee! torn# Yo@re in the *i))!e of a )i!e**a#G G0hat )o %o thin? I
sho!) )o7 &a)BG
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO& 261
B% see?ing first to n)erstan)7 this father has Dst trne) a transactiona!
o""ortnit% into a transfor*ationa! o""ortnit%# Instea) of interacting on a
srface7 get,the,Do(,)one !e$e! of co**nication7 he has create) a sitation
in which he can now ha$e transfor*ing i*"act7 not on!% on his son (t a!so
on the re!ationshi"# B% setting asi)e his own ato(iogra"h% an) rea!!%
see?ing to n)erstan)7 he has *a)e a tre*en)os )e"osit in the E*otiona!
Ban? Accont an) has e*"owere) his son to o"en7 !a%er "on !a%er7 an) to
get to the rea! isse#
Now father an) son are on the sa*e si)e of the ta(!e !oo?ing at the "ro(!e*7
instea) of on o""osite si)es !oo?ing across at each other# The son is o"ening
his father@s ato(iogra"h% an) as?ing for a)$ice#
E$en as the father (egins to conse!7 howe$er7 he nee)s to (e sensiti$e to his
son@s co**nication# As !ong as the res"onse is !ogica!7 the father can
effecti$e!% as? Festions an) gi$e conse!# Bt the *o*ent the res"onse
(eco*es e*otiona!7 he nee)s to go (ac? to e*"athic !istening#
G0e!!7 I can see so*e things %o *ight want to consi)er#G
GLi?e what7 &a)BG
GLi?e getting so*e s"ecia! he!" with %or rea)ing# -a%(e the% ha$e so*e
?in) of ttoring "rogra* o$er at the tech schoo!#G
GI@$e a!rea)% chec?e) into that# It ta?es two nights an) a!! )a% Satr)a%# That
wo!) ta?e so *ch ti*eHG
Sensing e*otion in that re"!%7 the father5*o$es (ac? to e*"ath%#
GThat@s too *ch of a "rice to "a%#G
GBesi)es7 &a)7 I to!) the si<th gra)ers I@) (e their coach#G
GYo )on@t want to !et the* )own#G
GBt I@!! te!! %o this7 &a)# If I rea!!% thoght that ttoring corse wo!)
he!"7 I@) (e )own there e$er% night# I@) get so*eone e!se to coach those
?i)s#G
GYo rea!!% want the he!"7 (t %o )o(t if the corse wi!! *a?e a
)ifference#G
G&o %o thin? it wo!)7 &a)BG
The son is once *ore o"en an) !ogica!# He@s o"ening his father@s
ato(iogra"h% again# Now the father has another o""ortnit% to inf!ence
an) transfor*#
There are ti*es when transfor*ation reFires no otsi)e conse!# Often
when "eo"!e are rea!!% gi$en the chance to o"en "7
262
THE SEVEN HABTTS OP HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
the% nra$e! their own "ro(!e*s an) the so!tions (eco*e c!ear to the* in
the "rocess#
At other ti*es7 the% rea!!% nee) a))itiona! "ers"ecti$e an) he!"# The ?e% is
to genine!% see? the we!fare of the in)i$i)a!7 to !isten with e*"ath%7 to !et
the "erson get to the "ro(!e* an) the so!tion at his own "ace an) ti*e#
La%er "on !a%erAit@s !i?e "ee!ing an onion nti! %o get to the soft inner
core#
0hen "eo"!e are rea!!% hrting an) %o rea!!% !isten with a "re )esire to
n)erstan)7 %o@!! (e a*aCe) how fast the% wi!! o"en "# The% want to o"en
"# Chi!)ren )es"erate!% want to o"en "7 e$en *ore to their "arents than to
their "eers# An) the% wi!!7 if the% fee! their "arents wi!! !o$e the*
ncon)itiona!!% an) wi!! (e faithf! to the* afterwar)s an) not D)ge or
ri)ic!e the*#
If %o rea!!% see? to n)erstan)7 withot h%"ocris% an) withot gi!e7 there
wi!! (e ti*es when %o wi!! (e !itera!!% stnne) with the "re ?now!e)ge
an) n)erstan)ing that wi!! f!ow to %o fro* another h*an (eing# It isn@t
e$en a!wa%s necessar% to ta!? in or)er to e*"athiCe# In fact7 so*eti*es
wor)s *a% Dst get in %or wa%# That@s one $er% i*"ortant reason wh%
techniFe a!one wi!! not wor?# That ?in) of n)erstan)ing transcen)s
techniFe# Iso!ate) techniFe on!% gets in the wa%#
I ha$e gone throgh the s?i!!s of e*"athic !istening (ecase s?i!! is an
i*"ortant "art of an% ha(it# 0e nee) to ha$e the s?i!!s# Bt !et *e reiterate
that the s?i!!s wi!! not (e effecti$e n!ess the% co*e fro* a sincere )esire to
n)erstan)# Peo"!e resent an% atte*"t to *ani"!ate the*# In fact7 if %o@re
)ea!ing with "eo"!e %o@re c!ose to7 it@s he!"f! to te!! the* what %o@re
)oing#
GI rea) this (oo? a(ot !istening an) e*"ath% an) 1 thoght a(ot *%
re!ationshi" with %o# I rea!iCe) I ha$en@t !istene) to %o !i?e I sho!)# Bt I
want to# It@s har) for *e# I *a% (!ow it at ti*es7 (t I@* going to wor? at it# I
rea!!% care a(ot %o an) I want to n)erstan)# 1 ho"e %o@!! he!" *e#G
Affir*ing %or *oti$e is a hge )e"osit#
Bt if %o@re not sincere7 1 wo!)n@t e$en tr% it# It *a% create an o"enness
an) a $!nera(i!it% that wi!! !ater trn to %or har* when a "erson )isco$ers
that %o rea!!% )i)n@t care7 %o rea!!% )i)n@t want to !isten7 an) he@s !eft o"en7
e<"ose)7 an) hrt# The techniFe7 the ti" of the ice(erg7 has to co*e ot of
the *assi$e (ase of character n)erneath#
Now there are "eo"!e who "rotest that e*"athic !istening ta?es too *ch
ti*e# It *a% ta?e a !itt!e *ore ti*e initia!!% (t it sa$es so
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
263
*ch ti*e )ownstrea*# The *ost efficient thing %o can )o if %o@re a
)octor an) want to "rescri(e a wise treat*ent is to *a?e an accrate
)iagnosis# Yo can@t sa%7 GI@* in too *ch of a hrr%# I )on@t ha$e ti*e to
*a?e a )iagnosis# >st ta?e this treat*ent#G
I re*e*(er writing one ti*e in a roo* on the north shore of Oah# Hawaii#
There was a soft (reeCe (!owing7 an) so I ha) o"ene) two win)owsAone at
the front an) one at the si)eAto ?ee" the roo* coo!# I ha) a n*(er of
"a"ers !ai) ot7 cha"ter (% cha"ter7 on a !arge ta(!e#
S))en!%7 the (reeCe starte) "ic?ing " an) (!owing *% "a"ers a(ot# I
re*e*(er the frantic sense of !oss I fe!t (ecase things were no !onger in
or)er7 inc!)ing nn*(ere) "ages7 an) I (egan rshing aron) the roo*
tr%ing )es"erate!% to "t the* (ac?# Fina!!%7 I rea!iCe) it wo!) (e (etter to
ta?e ten secon)s an) c!ose one of the win)ows#
E*"athic !istening ta?es ti*e7 (t it )oesn@t ta?e an%where near as *ch
ti*e as it ta?es to (ac? " an) correct *isn)erstan)ings when %o@re
a!rea)% *i!es )own the roa)7 to re)o7 to !i$e with ne<"resse) an) nso!$e)
"ro(!e*s7 to )ea! with the res!ts of not gi$ing "eo"!e "s%cho!ogica! air#
A )iscerning e*"athic !istener can rea) what=s ha""ening )own )ee" fast7
an) can show sch acce"tance7 sch n)erstan)ing7 that other "eo"!e fee!
safe to o"en " !a%er after !a%er nti! the% get to that soft inner core where
the "ro(!e* rea!!% !ies#
Peo"!e want to (e n)erstoo)# An) whate$er in$est*ent of ti*e it ta?es to
)o that wi!! (ring *ch greater retrns of ti*e as %o wor? fro* an accrate
n)erstan)ing of the "ro(!e*s an) isses an) fro* the high E*otiona! Ban?
Accont that res!ts when a "erson fee!s )ee"!% n)erstoo)#
.n)erstan)ing an) Perce"tion
As %o !earn to !isten )ee"!% to other "eo"!e7 %o wi!! )isco$er tre*en)os
)ifferences in "erce"tion# Yo wi!! a!so (egin to a""reciate the i*"act that
these )ifferences can ha$e as "eo"!e tr% to wor? together in inter)e"en)ent
sitations#
Yo see the %ong wo*anE I see the o!) !a)%# An) (oth of s can UU right#
Yo *a% !oo? at the wor!) throgh s"ose,centere) g!assesE I See it throgh
the *one%,centere) !ens of econo*ic concern#
264 THE SBVBN HABITS Of HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Yo *a% (e scri"te) in the a(n)ance *enta!it%E I *a% (e scri"te) in the
scarcit% *enta!it%#
Yo *a% a""roach "ro(!e*s fro* a high!% $isa!7 intiti$e7 ho!istic right
(rain "ara)ig*E I *a% (e $er% !eft (rain7 $er% seFentia!7 ana!%tica!7 an)
$er(a! in *% a""roach#
Or "erce"tions can (e $ast!% )ifferent# An) %et we (oth ha$e !i$e) with or
"ara)ig*s for %ears7 thin?ing the% are Gfacts7G an) Festioning the character
or the *enta! co*"etence of an%one who can@t Gsee the facts#G
Now7 with a!! or )ifferences7 we@re tr%ing to wor? togetherAin a *arriage7
in a Do(7 in a co**nit% ser$ice "roDectAto *anage resorces an)
acco*"!ish res!ts# So how )o we )o itB How )o we transcen) the !i*its of
or in)i$i)a! "erce"tions so that we can )ee"!% co**nicate7 so that we
can coo"erati$e!% )ea! with the isses an) co*e " with 0in50in so!tionsB
The answer is Ha(it 6# It@s the first ste" in the "rocess of 0in50in# E$en if
Man) es"ecia!!% whenN the other "erson is not co*ing fro* that "ara)ig*7
see? first to n)erstan)#
This "rinci"!e wor?e) "owerf!!% for one e<ecti$e who share) with *e the
fo!!owing e<"erienceL
GI was wor?ing with a s*a!! co*"an% that was in the "rocess of negotiating
a contract with a !arge nationa! (an?ing instittion# This instittion f!ew in
their !aw%ers fro* San Francisco7 their negotiator fro* Ohio7 an) "resi)ents
of two of their !arge (an?s to create an eight,"erson negotiating tea*# The
co*"an% I wor?e) with ha) )eci)e) to go for 0in50in or No &ea!# The%
wante) to significant!% increase the !e$e! of ser$ice an) the cost7 (t the%
ha) (een a!*ost o$erwhe!*e) with the )e*an)s of this !arge financia!
instittion#
GThe "resi)ent of or co*"an% sat across the negotiating ta(!e an) to!)
the*7 @0e wo!) !i?e for %o to write the contract the wa% %o want it so
that we can *a?e sre we n)erstan) %or nee)s an) %or concerns# 0e wi!!
res"on) to those nee)s an) concerns# Then we can ta!? a(ot "ricing#@
GThe *e*(ers of the negotiating tea* were o$erwhe!*e)# The% were
aston)e) that the% were going to ha$e the o""ortnit% to write the contract#
The% too? three )a%s to co*e " with the )ea!#
G0hen the% "resente) it7 the "resi)ent sai)7 @Now !et@s *a?e sre we
n)erstan) what %o want#@ An) he went )own the contract7 re"hrasing the
content7 ref!ecting the fee!ing7 nti! he
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
266
was sre an) the% were sre he n)erstoo) what was i*"ortant to the*#
@Yes# That@s right# No7 that@s not e<act!% what we *eant here # # # %es7 %o@$e
got it now#@
G0hen he thorogh!% n)erstoo) their "ers"ecti$e7 he "rocee)e) to e<"!ain
so*e concerns fro* his "ers"ecti$e # # # an) the% !istene)# The% were rea)%
to !isten# The% weren@t fighting for air# 0hat ha) starte) ot as a $er% for*a!7
!ow,trst7 a!*ost hosti!e at*os"here ha) trne) into a ferti!e en$iron*ent
for s%nerg%#
GAt the conc!sion of the )iscssions7 the *e*(ers of the negotiating tea*
(asica!!% sai)7 @0e want to wor? with %o# 0e want to )o this )ea!# >st !et
s ?now what the "rice is an) we@!! sign#@ G
Then See? to Be .n)erstoo)
See? first to n)erstan) # # # then to (e n)erstoo)# 'nowing how to (e
n)erstoo) is the other ha!f of Ha(it 67 an) is eFa!!% critica! in reaching
0in50in so!tions#
Ear!ier we )efine) *atrit% as the (a!ance (etween corage an)
consi)eration# See?ing to n)erstan) reFires consi)erationE see?ing to (e
n)erstoo) ta?es corage# 0in50in reFires a high )egree of (oth# So it
(eco*es i*"ortant in inter)e"en)ent sitations for s to (e n)erstoo)#
The ear!% Gree?s ha) a *agnificent "hi!oso"h% which is e*(o)ie) in three
seFentia!!% arrange) wor)sL ethos7 "athos7 an) !ogos# I sggest these three
wor)s contain the essence of see?ing first to n)erstan) an) *a?ing
effecti$e "resentations#
Ethos is %or "ersona! cre)i(i!it%7 the faith "eo"!e ha$e in %or integrit% an)
co*"etenc%# It@s the trst that %o ins"ire7 %or E*otiona! Ban? Accont#
Pathos is the e*"athic si)eAit@s the fee!ing# It *eans that %o are in
a!ign*ent with the e*otiona! thrst of another "erson@s co**nication#
Logos is the !ogic7 the reasoning "art of the "resentation#
Notice the seFenceL ethos7 "athos7 !ogosA%or character7 an) %or
re!ationshi"s7 an) then the !ogic of %or "resentation# This re"resents
another *aDor "ara)ig* shift# -ost "eo"!e7 in *a?ing "resentations7 go
straight to the !ogos7 the !eft (rain !ogic7 of their i)eas# The% tr% to con$ince
other "eo"!e of the $a!i)it% of that !ogic withot first ta?ing ethos an) "athos
into consi)eration#
I ha) an acFaintance who was $er% frstrate) (ecase his (oss !oc?e) into
what he fe!t was an n"ro)cti$e !ea)ershi" st%!e#
268 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
G0h% )oesn@t he )o an%thingBG he as?e) *e# GI@$e ta!?e) to hi* a(ot it7 he@s
aware of it7 (t he )oes nothing#G
G0e!!7 wh% )on@t %o *a?e an effecti$e "resentationBG I as?e)#
GI )i)7G was the re"!%#
GHow )o %o )efine @effecti$e@B 0ho )o the% sen) (ac? to schoo! when the
sa!es*an )oesn@t se!!Athe (%erB Effecti$e *eans it wor?sE it *eans P5PC#
&i) %o create the change %o wante)B &i) %o (i!) the re!ationshi" in the
"rocessB 0hat were the res!ts of %or "resentationBG
GI to!) %o7 he )i)n@t )o an%thing# He wo!)n@t !isten#G
GThen *a?e an effecti$e "resentation# Yo@$e got to e*"athiCe with his
hea)# Yo@$e got to get into his fra*e of *in)# Yo@$e got to *a?e %or
"oint si*"!% an) $isa!!% an) )escri(e the a!ternati$e he is in fa$or of (etter
than he can hi*se!f# That wi!! ta?e so*e ho*ewor?# Are %o wi!!ing to )o
thatBG
G0h% )o I ha$e to go throgh a!! thatBG he as?e)#
GIn other wor)s7 %o want hi* to change his who!e !ea)ershi" st%!e an)
%o@re not wi!!ing to change %or *etho) of "resentationBG
GI gess so7G he re"!ie)#
G0e!!7 then7G I sai)7 GDst s*i!e a(ot it an) !earn to !i$e with it#G
GI can@t !i$e with it7G he sai)# GIt co*"ro*ises *% integrit%#G
GO?a%7 then get to wor? on an effecti$e "resentation# That@s in %or Circ!e of
Inf!ence#G
In the en)7 he wo!)n@t )o it# The in$est*ent see*e) too great#
Another acFaintance7 a ni$ersit% "rofessor7 was wi!!ing to "a% the "rice#
He a""roache) *e one )a% an) sai)7 GSte"hen7 I can@t get to first (ase in
getting the fn)ing I nee) for *% research (ecase *% research is rea!!% not
in the *ainstrea* of this )e"art*ent@s interests#G
After )iscssing his sitation at so*e !ength7 I sggeste) that he )e$e!o" an
effecti$e "resentation sing ethos7 "athos7 an) !ogos,GI ?now %o@re sincere
an) the research %o want to )o wo!) (ring great (enefits#@ &escri(e the
a!ternati$e the% are in fa$or of (etter than the% can the*se!$es# Show that
%o n)erstan) the* in )e"th# Then caref!!% e<"!ain the !ogic (ehin) %or
reFest#G
G0e!!7 I@!! tr%7G he sai)#
@&o %o want to "ractice with *eBG I as?e)# He was wi!!ing7 an) so we )ress
rehearse) his a""roach#
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
26:
0hen he went in to *a?e his "resentation7 he starte) (% sa%ing7 GNow !et *e
see if I first n)erstan) what %or o(Decti$es are7 an) what %or concerns are
a(ot this "resentation an) *% reco**en)ation#G
He too? the ti*e to )o it s!ow!%7 gra)a!!%# In the *i))!e of his "resentation7
)e*onstrating his )e"th of n)erstan)ing an) res"ect for their "oint of $iew7
a senior "rofessor trne) to another "rofessor7 no))e)7 trne) (ac? to hi*7
an) sai)7 GYo@$e got %or *one%#G
0hen %o can "resent %or own i)eas c!ear!%7 s"ecifica!!%7 $isa!!%7 an)
*ost i*"ortant7 conte<ta!!%Ain the conte<t of a )ee" n)erstan)ing of
their "ara)ig*s an) concernsA%o significant!% increase the cre)i(i!it% of
%or i)eas#
Yo@re not wra""e) " in %or Gown thing7G )e!i$ering gran)iose rhetoric
fro* a soa"(o<# Yo rea!!% n)erstan)# 0hat %o@re "resenting *a% e$en (e
)ifferent fro* what %o ha) origina!!% thoght (ecase in %or effort to
n)erstan)7 %o !earne)#
Ha(it 6 !ifts %o to greater accrac%7 greater integrit%7 in %or "resentations#
An) "eo"!e ?now that# The% ?now %o@re "resenting the i)eas which %o
genine!% (e!ie$e7 ta?ing a!! ?nown facts an) "erce"tions into consi)eration7
that wi!! (enefit e$er%one#
One on One
Ha(it 6 is "owerf! (ecase it is right in the *i))!e of %or Circ!e of
Inf!ence# -an% factors in inter)e"en)ent sitations are in %or Circ!e of
ConcernA"ro(!e*s7 )isagree*ents7 circ*stances7 other "eo"!e@s (eha$ior#
An) if %o focs %or energies ot there7 %o )e"!ete the* with !itt!e
"ositi$e res!ts#
Bt %o can a!wa%s see? first to n)erstan)# That@s so*ething that@s within
%or contro!# An) as %o )o that7 as %o focs on %or Circ!e of Inf!ence7
%o rea!!%7 )ee"!% n)erstan) other "eo"!e# Yo ha$e accrate infor*ation
to wor? with7 %o get to the heart of *atters Fic?!%7 %o (i!) E*otiona!
Ban? Acconts7 an) %o gi$e "eo"!e the "s%cho!ogica! air the% nee) so %o
can wor? together effecti$e!%#
It@s the insi)e,ot a""roach# An) as %o )o it7 watch what ha""ens to %or
Circ!e of Inf!ence# Becase %o rea!!% !isten7 %o (eco*e inf!encea(!e#
An) (eing inf!encea(!e is the ?e% to inf!encing others# Yor circ!e (egins
to e<"an)# Yo increase %or
26I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
a(i!it% to inf!ence *an% of the things in %or Circ!e of Concern#
An) watch what ha""ens to %o# The *ore )ee"!% %o n)erstan) other
"eo"!e7 the *ore %o wi!! a""reciate the*7 the *ore re$erent %o wi!! fee!
a(ot the*# To toch the so! of another h*an (eing is to wa!? on ho!%
gron)#
Ha(it 6 is so*ething %o can "ractice right now# The ne<t ti*e %o
co**nicate with an%one7 %o can "t asi)e %or own ato(iogra"h% an)
genine!% see? to n)erstan)# E$en when "eo"!e )on@t want to o"en "
a(ot their "ro(!e*s7 %o can (e e*"athic# Yo can sense their hearts7 %o
can sense the hrt7 an) %o can res"on)7 GYo see* )own to)a%#G The% *a%
sa% nothing# That@s a!! right# Yo@$e shown n)erstan)ing an) res"ect#
&on@t "shE (e "atientE (e res"ectf!# Peo"!e )on@t ha$e to o"en " $er(a!!%
(efore %o can e*"athiCe# Yo can e*"athiCe a!! the ti*e with their
(eha$ior# Yo can (e )iscerning7 sensiti$e7 an) aware an) %o can !i$e
otsi)e %or ato(iogra"h% when that is nee)e)#
An) if %o@re high!% "roacti$e7 %o can create o""ortnities to )o "re$enti$e
wor?# Yo )on@t ha$e to wait nti! %or son or )aghter has a "ro(!e* with
schoo! or %o ha$e %or ne<t (siness negotiation to see? first to
n)erstan)#
S"en) ti*e with %or chi!)ren now7 one on one# Listen to the*E n)erstan)
the*# Loo? at %or ho*e7 at schoo! !ife7 at the cha!!enges an) the "ro(!e*s
the%@re facing7 throgh their e%es# Bi!) the E*otiona! Ban? Accont# Gi$e
the* air#
Go ot with %or s"ose on a reg!ar (asis# Ha$e )inner or )o 1 so*ething
together %o (oth enDo%# Listen to each otherE see? to n)erstan)# See !ife
throgh each other@s e%es#
-% )ai!% ti*e with San)ra is so*ething I wo!)n@t tra)e for an%thing# As
we!! as see?ing to n)erstan) each other7 we often ta?e ti*e to acta!!%
"ractice e*"athic !istening s?i!!s to he!" s in co**nicating with or
chi!)ren#
0e often share or )ifferent "erce"tions of the sitation7 an) we ro!e,"!a%
*ore effecti$e a""roaches to )iffic!t inter"ersona! fa*i!% "ro(!e*s#
I *a% act as if I a* a son or )aghter reFesting a s"ecia! "ri$i!ege e$en
thogh I ha$en@t f!fi!!e) a (asic fa*i!% res"onsi(i!it%7 an) San)ra "!a%s
herse!f#
0e interact (ac? an) forth an) tr% to $isa!iCe the sitation in a $er% rea!
wa% so that we can train orse!$es to (e consistent in *o)e!ing an) teaching
correct "rinci"!es to or chi!)ren# So*e of
HABIT 6 SEE' FIRST TO .N&ERSTAN&7 THEN TO BE
.N&ERSTOO&
26K
or *ost he!"f! ro!e,"!a%s co*e fro* re)oing a "ast )iffic!t or stressf!
scene in which one of s G(!ew it#G
The ti*e %o in$est to )ee"!% n)erstan) the "eo"!e %o !o$e (rings
tre*en)os )i$i)en)s in o"en co**nication# -an% of the "ro(!e*s that
"!age fa*i!ies an) *arriages si*"!% )on@t ha$e ti*e to fester an) )e$e!o"#
The co**nication (eco*es so o"en that "otentia! "ro(!e*s can (e ni""e)
an) there are great reser$es of trst in the E*otiona! Ban? Accont to
han)!e the "ro(!e*s that )o arise#
In (siness7 %o can set " one,on,one ti*e with %or e*"!o%ees# Listen to
the*7 n)erstan) the*# Set " h*an resorce acconting or sta?eho!)er
infor*ation s%ste*s in %or (siness to get honest7 accrate fee)(ac? at
e$er% !e$e!L fro* csto*ers7 s""!iers7 an) e*"!o%ees# -a?e the h*an
e!e*ent as i*"ortant as the financia! or the technica! e!e*ent# Yo sa$e
tre*en)os a*onts of ti*e7 energ%7 an) *one% when %o ta" into the
h*an resorces of a (siness at e$er% !e$e!# 0hen %o !isten7 %o !earn#
An) %o a!so gi$e the "eo"!e who wor? for %o an) with %o "s%cho!ogica!
air# Yo ins"ire !o%a!t% that goes we!! (e%on) the eightUto,fi$e "h%sica!
)e*an)s of the Do(#
See? first to n)erstan)# Before the "ro(!e*s co*e "7 (efore %o tr% to
e$a!ate an) "rescri(e7 (efore %o tr% to "resent %or own i)easAsee? to
n)erstan)# It@s a "owerf! ha(it of effecti$e inter)e"en)ence#
0hen we rea!!%7 )ee"!% n)erstan) each other7 we o"en the )oor to creati$e
so!tions an) thir) a!ternati$es# Or )ifferences are no !onger st*(!ing
(!oc?s to co**nication an) "rogress# Instea)7 the% (eco*e the ste""ing
stones to s%nerg%#
A""!ication SggestionsL
1# Se!ect a re!ationshi" in which %o sense the E*otiona! Ban? Accont is
in the re)# Tr% to n)erstan) an) write )own the sitation fro* the other
"erson@s "oint of $iew# In %or ne<t interaction7 !isten for n)erstan)ing7
co*"aring what %o are hearing with what %o wrote )own How $a!i)
were %or ass*"tionsB &i) %o rea!!% n)erstan) that in)i$i)a!@s "er,
s"ecti$eB
2# Share the conce"t of e*"ath% with so*eone c!ose to %o# Te!! hi* or her
%o want to wor? on rea!!% !istening to others an) as? for fee)(ac? in a
wee?# How )i) %o )oB How )i) it *a?e that "erson fee!B
28J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
3# The ne<t ti*e %o ha$e an o""ortnit% to watch "eo"!e co**nicate7
co$er %or ears for a few *intes an) Dst watch# 0hat e*otions are (eing
co**nicate) that *a% not co*e across in wor)s a!oneB
4# Ne<t ti*e %o catch %orse!f ina""ro"riate!% sing one of the
ato(iogra"hica! res"onsesA"ro(ing7 e$a!ating7 a)$ising7 or inter"retingA
tr% to trn the sitation into a )e"osit (% ac?now!e)g*ent an) a"o!og%# MGI@*
sorr%7 I Dst rea!iCe) I@* not rea!!% tr%ing to n)erstan)# Co!) we start
againBGN
6# Base %or ne<t "resentation on e*"ath%# &escri(e the other "oint of $iew
as we!! as or (etter than its "ro"onentsE then see? to ha$e %or "oint
n)erstoo) fro* their fra*e of reference#
PPP
7 HABITS 3 FROM PAGE NO. 262 TO 319
HABIT 8
SYNERGI9E
Princi"!es of Creati$e Coo"eration
I ta?e as *% gi)e the ho"e of a saintL
in crcia! things7 nit%A
in i*"ortant things7 )i$ersit%A
in a!! things7 generosit%#
Inagra! a))ress of Presi)ent George Bsh
0hen Sir 0inston Chrchi!! was ca!!e) to hea) " the war effort for Great
Britain7 he re*ar?e) that a!! his !ife ha) "re"are) hi* for this hor# In a
si*i!ar sense7 the e<ercise of a!! of the other ha(its "re"ares s for the ha(it
of s%nerg%#
0hen "ro"er!% n)erstoo)7 s%nerg% is the highest acti$it% in a!! !ifeAthe
tre test an) *anifestation of a!! of the other ha(its "t together#
The highest for*s of s%nerg% focs the for niFe h*an en)ow*ents7 the
*oti$e of 0in50in7 an) the s?i!!s of e*"athic co**nication on the
toghest cha!!enges we face in !ife# 0hat res!ts is a!*ost *irac!os# 0e
create new a!ternati$esA so*ething that wasn@t there (efore#
S%nerg% is the essence of "rinci"!e,centere) !ea)ershi"# It is the essence of
"rinci"!e,centere) "arenting# It cata!%Ces7 nifies7 an) n!eashes the greatest
"owers within "eo"!e# A!! the ha(its we ha$e co$ere) "re"are s to create
the *irac!e of s%nerg%#
0hat is s%nerg%B Si*"!% )efine)7 it *eans that the who!e is
283
greater than the s* of its "arts# It *eans that the re!ationshi" which the
"arts ha$e to each other is a "art in an) of itse!f# It is not on!% a "art7 (t the
*ost cata!%tic7 the *ost e*"owering7 the *ost nif%ing7 an) the *ost
e<citing "art#
The creati$e "rocess is a!so the *ost terrif%ing "art (ecase %o )on@t ?now
e<act!% what@s going to ha""en or where it is going to !ea)# Yo )on@t ?now
what new )angers an) cha!!enges %o@!! fin)# It ta?es an enor*os a*ont
of interna! secrit% to (egin with the s"irit of a)$entre7 the s"irit of
)isco$er%7 the s"irit of creati$it%# 0ithot )o(t7 %o ha$e to !ea$e the
co*fort Cone of (ase ca*" an) confront an entire!% new an) n?nown
wi!)erness# Yo (eco*e a trai!(!aCer7 a "athfin)er# Yo o"en new
"ossi(i!ities7 new territories7 new continents7 so that others can fo!!ow#
S%nerg% is e$er%where in natre# If %o "!ant two "!ants c!ose together7 the
roots co*ing!e an) i*"ro$e the Fa!it% of the soi! so that (oth "!ants wi!!
grow (etter than if the% were se"arate)# If %o "t two "ieces of woo)
together7 the% wi!! ho!) *ch *ore than the tota! of the weight he!) (% each
se"arate!%# The who!e is greater than the s* of its "arts# One "!s one
eFa!s three or *ore#
The cha!!enge is to a""!% the "rinci"!es of creati$e coo"eration7 which we
!earn fro* natre7 in or socia! interactions# Fa*i!% !ife "ro$i)es *an%
o""ortnities to o(ser$e s%nerg% an) to "ractice it#
The $er% wa% that a *an an) a wo*an (ring a chi!) into the wor!) is
s%nergistic# The essence of s%nerg% is to $a!e )ifferencesAto res"ect the*7
to (i!) on strengths7 to co*"ensate for wea?nesses#
0e o($ios!% $a!e the "h%sica! )ifferences (etween *en an) wo*en7
hs(an)s an) wi$es# Bt what a(ot the socia!7 *enta!7 an) e*otiona!
)ifferencesB Co!) these )ifferences not a!so (e sorces of creating new7
e<citing for*s of !ifeAcreating an en$iron*ent that is tr!% f!fi!!ing for
each "erson7 that nrtres the se!f,estee* an) se!f,worth of each7 that creates
o""ortnities for each to *atre into in)e"en)ence an) then gra)a!!% into
inter)e"en)enceB Co!) s%nerg% not create a new scri"t for the ne<t
generationAone that is *ore geare) to ser$ice an) contri(tion7 an) is !ess
"rotecti$e7 !ess a)$ersaria!7 !ess se!fishE one that is *ore o"en7 *ore trsting7
*ore gi$ing7 an) is !ess )efensi$e7 "rotecti$e7 an) "o!itica!E one that is *ore
!o$ing7 *ore caring7 an) is !ess "ossessi$e an) D)g*enta!B
284
S%nergistic Co**nication
0hen %o co**nicate s%nergistica!!%7 %o are si*"!% o"ening %or *in)
an) heart an) e<"ressions to new "ossi(i!ities7 new a!ternati$es7 new
o"tions# It *a% see* as if %o are casting asi)e Ha(it 2 Mto (egin with the
en) in *in)NE (t7 in fact7 %o@re )oing the o""ositeA%o@re f!fi!!ing it#
Yo@re not sre when %o engage in s%nergistic co**nication how things
wi!! wor? ot or what the en) wi!! !oo? !i?e7 (t %o )o ha$e an inwar)
sense of e<cite*ent an) secrit% an) a)$entre7 (e!ie$ing that it wi!! (e
significant!% (etter than it was (efore# An) that is the en) that %o ha$e in
*in)#
Yo (egin with the (e!ief that "arties in$o!$e) wi!! gain *ore insight7 an)
that the e<cite*ent of that *ta! !earning an) insight wi!! create a
*o*ent* towar) *ore an) *ore insights7 !earning=s7 an) growth#
-an% "eo"!e ha$e not rea!!% e<"erience) e$en a *o)erate )egree of s%nerg%
in their fa*i!% !ife or in other interactions# The%@$e (een traine) an) scri"te)
into )efensi$e an) "rotecti$e co**nications or into (e!ie$ing that !ife or
other "eo"!e can@t (e trste)# As a res!t7 the% are ne$er rea!!% o"en to Ha(it
8 an) to these "rinci"!es#
This re"resents one of the great trage)ies an) wastes in !ife7 (ecase so
*ch "otentia! re*ains nta""e)Aco*"!ete!% n)e$e!o"e) an) nse)#
Ineffecti$e "eo"!e !i$e )a% after )a% with nse) "otentia!# The% e<"erience
s%nerg% on!% in s*a!!7 "eri"hera! wa%s in their !i$es#
The% *a% ha$e *e*ories of so*e nsa! creati$e e<"eriences7 "erha"s in
ath!etics7 where the% were in$o!$e) in a rea! tea* s"irit for a "erio) of ti*e#
Or "erha"s the% were in an e*ergenc% sitation where "eo"!e coo"erate) to
an nsa!!% high )egree an) s(*erge) ego an) "ri)e in an effort to sa$e
so*eone@s !ife or to "ro)ce a so!tion to a crisis#
To *an%7 sch e$ents *a% see* nsa!7 a!*ost ot of character with !ife7
e$en *irac!os# Bt this is not so# These things can (e "ro)ce) reg!ar!%7
consistent!%7 a!*ost )ai!% in "eo"!e@s !i$es# Bt it reFires enor*os
"ersona! secrit% an) o"enness an) a s"irit of a)$entre#
-ost a!! creati$e en)ea$ors are so*ewhat n"re)icta(!e# The% often see*
a*(igos7 hit,or,*iss tria! an) error# An) n!ess "eo"!e ha$e a high
to!erance for a*(igit% an) get their secrit%
HABIT 8 SYNERC19E 286
fro* integrit% to "rinci"!es an) inner $a!es the% fin) it nner$ing an)
n"!easant to (e in$o!$e) in high!% creati$e enter"rises# Their nee) for
strctre7 certaint%7 an) "re)icta(i!it% is too high#
S%nerg% in the C!assroo*
As a teacher7 I ha$e co*e to (e!ie$e that *an% tr!% great c!asses teeter on
the $er% e)ge of chaos# S%nerg% tests whether teachers an) st)ents are
rea!!% o"en to the "rinci"!e of the who!e (eing greater than the s* of its
"arts#
There are ti*es when neither the teacher nor the st)ent ?nows for sre
what@s going to ha""en# In the (eginning7 there@s a safe en$iron*ent that
ena(!es "eo"!e to (e rea!!% o"en an) to !earn an) to !isten to each other@s
i)eas# Then co*es (rainstor*ing7 where the s"irit of e$a!ation is
s(or)inate) to the s"irit of creati$it%7 i*agining7 an) inte!!ecta!
networ?ing# Then an a(so!te!% nsa! "heno*enon (egins to ta?e "!ace#
The entire c!ass is transfor*e) with the e<cite*ent of a new thrst7 a new
i)ea7 a new )irection that@s har) to )efine7 %et it@s a!*ost "a!"a(!e to the
"eo"!e in$o!$e)#
S%nerg% is a!*ost as if a gro" co!!ecti$e!% agrees to s(or)inate o!) scri"ts
an) to write a new one#
I@!! ne$er forget a ni$ersit% c!ass 1 taght in !ea)ershi" "hi!oso"h% an)
st%!e# 0e were a(ot three wee?s into a se*ester when7 in the *i))!e of a
"resentation7 one "erson starte) to re!ate so*e $er% "owerf! "ersonaH
e<"eriences which were (oth e*otiona! an) insightf!# A s"irit of h*i!it%
an) re$erence fe!! "on the c!assAre$erence towar) this in)i$i)a! an)
a""reciation for his corage#
This s"irit (eca*e ferti!e soi! for a s%nergistic an) creati$e en)ea$or# Others
(egan to "ic? " on it7 sharing so*e of their e<"eriences an) insights an)
e$en so*e of their se!f,)o(ts# The s"irit of trst an) safet% "ro*"te) *an%
to (eco*e e<tre*e!% o"en# Rather than "resent what the% "re"are)7 the% fe)
on each other@s insights an) i)eas an) starte) to create a who!e new scenario
as to what that c!ass co!) *ean#
I was )ee"!% in$o!$e) in the "rocess# In fact7 1 was a!*ost *es*eriCe) (% ii
(ecase it see*e) so *agica! an) creati$e# An) I fon) *%se!f gra)a!!%
!oosening " *% co**it*ent to the strctre of the c!ass an) sensing
entire!% new "ossi(i!ities# It
288
THE SEVEN HANTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
wasn@t Dst a f!ight of fanc%E there was a sense of *atrit% an) sta(i!it% an)
s(stance which transcen)e) (% far the o!) strctre an) "!an#
0e a(an)one) the o!) s%!!a(s7 the "rchase) te<t(oo?s an) a!! the
"resentation "!ans7 an) we set " new "r"oses an) "roDects an)
assign*ents# 0e (eca*e so e<cite) a(ot what was ha""ening that in a(ot
three *ore wee?s7 we a!! sense) an o$erwhe!*ing )esire to share what was
ha""ening with others#
0e )eci)e) to write a (oo? containing or !earnings an) insights on the
s(Dect of or st)%A"rinci"!es of !ea)ershi"# Assign*ents were change)7
new "roDects n)erta?en7 new tea*s for*e)# Peo"!e wor?e) *ch har)er
than the% e$er wo!) ha$e in the origina! c!ass strctre7 an) for an entire!%
)ifferent set of reasons#
Ot of this e<"erience e*erge) an e<tre*e!% niFe7 cohesi$e7 an)
s%nergistic c!tre that )i) not en) with the se*ester# For %ears7 a!*ni
*eetings were he!) a*ong *e*(ers of that c!ass#
E$en to)a%7 *an% %ears !ater7 when we see each other7 we ta!? a(ot it an)
often atte*"t to )escri(e what ha""ene) an) wh%# One of the interesting
things to *e was how !itt!e ti*e ha) trans"ire) (efore there was sfficient
trst to create sch s%nerg%# thin? it was !arge!% (ecase the "eo"!e were
re!ati$e!% *atre#
The% were in the fina! se*ester of their senior %ear7 an) I thin? the% wante)
*ore than Dst another goo) c!assroo* e<"erience#
The% were hngr% for so*ething new an) e<citing7 so*ething that the%
co!) create that was tr!% *eaningf!# It was Gan i)ea whose ti*e ha)
co*eG for the*#
In a))ition7 the che*istr% was right# I fe!t that e<"eriencing s%nerg% was
*ore "owerf! than ta!?ing a(ot it7 that "ro)cing so*ething new was
*ore *eaningf! than si*"!% rea)ing so*ething o!)#
I@$e a!so e<"erience)7 as I (e!ie$e *ost "eo"!e ha$e7 ti*es that were a!*ost
s%nergistic7 ti*es that hng on the e)ge of chaos an) for so*e reason
)escen)e) into it# Sa)!%7 "eo"!e who are (rne) (% sch e<"eriences often
(egin their ne<t new e<"erience with that fai!re in *in)# The% )efen)
the*se!$es against it an) ct the*se!$es off fro* s%nerg%#
If s !i?e a)*inistrators who set " new r!es an) reg!ations (ase) on the
a(ses of a few "eo"!e insi)e an organiCation7 ths !i*iting the free)o* an)
creati$e "ossi(i!ities for *an%Aor (siness "artners who i*agine Uhe worst
scenarios "ossi(!e an) write
HABIT 8 SYNERGI9E 28B
the* " in !ega! !angage7 ?i!!ing the who!e s"irit of creati$it%7 enter"rise7
an) s%nergistic "ossi(i!it%#
As I thin? (ac? on *an% cons!ting an) e<ecti$e e)cation e<"eriences7 I
can sa% that the high!ights were a!*ost a!wa%s s%nergistic# There was
sa!!% an ear!% *o*ent that reFire) consi)era(!e corage7 "erha"s in
(eco*ing e<tre*e!% athentic7 in confronting so*e insi)e trth a(ot the
in)i$i)a! or the organiCation or the fa*i!% which rea!!% nee)e) to (e sai)7
(t too? a co*(ination of consi)era(!e corage an) genine !o$e to sa% it#
Then others (eca*e *ore athentic7 o"en7 an) honest7 an) the s%nergistic
co**nication "rocess (egan# It sa!!% (eca*e *ore an) *ore creati$e7
an) en)e) " in insights an) "!ans that no one ha) antici"ate) initia!!%#
As Car! Rogers taght7 GThat which is *ost "ersona! is *ost genera!#G The
*ore athentic %o (eco*e7 the *ore genine in %or e<"ression7
"artic!ar!% regar)ing "ersona! e<"eriences an) e$en se!f,)o(ts7 the *ore
"eo"!e can re!ate to %or e<"ression an) the safer it *a?es the* fee! to
e<"ress the*se!$es# That e<"ression in trn fee)s (ac? on the other "erson@s
s"irit7 an) genine creati$e e*"ath% ta?es "!ace7 "ro)cing new insights an)
!earnings an) a sense of e<cite*ent an) a)$entre that ?ee"s the "rocess
going#
Peo"!e then (egin to interact with each other a!*ost in ha!f sentences7
so*eti*es incoherent7 (t the% get each other@s *eanings $er% ra"i)!%# Then
who!e new wor!)s of insights7 new "ers"ecti$es7 new "ara)ig*s that insre
o"tions7 new a!ternati$es are o"ene) " an) thoght a(ot# Thogh
occasiona!!% these new i)eas are !eft " in the air7 the% sa!!% co*e to so*e
?in) of c!osre that is "ractica! an) sef!#
S%nerg% in Bsiness
I enDo%e) one "artic!ar!% *eaningf! s%nergistic e<"erience as 1 wor?e)
with *% associates to create the cor"orate *ission state*ent for or
(siness# A!*ost a!! *e*(ers of the co*"an% went high " into the
*ontains where7 srron)e) (% the *agnificence of natre7 we (egan with
a first )raft of what so*e of s consi)ere) to (e an e<ce!!ent *ission
state*ent#
At first the co**nication was res"ectf!7 caref! an) "re)icta(!e# Bt as
we (egan to ta!? a(ot the $arios a!ternati$es7 "ossi(i!ities an)
o""ortnities ahea)7 "eo"!e (eca*e $er% o"en
28I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
an) athentic an) si*"!% starte) to thin? ot !o)# The *ission state*ent
agen)a ga$e wa% to a co!!ecti$e free association7 a s"ontaneos
"igg%(ac?ing of i)eas# Peo"!e were genine!% e*"athic as we!! as
corageos7 an) we *o$e) fro* *ta! res"ect an) n)erstan)ing to
creati$e s%nergistic co**nication#
E$er%one co!) sense it# It was e<citing# As it *atre)7 we retrne) to the
tas? of "tting the e$o!$e) co!!ecti$e $ision into wor)s7 each of which
contains s"ecific an) co**itte),to *eaning for each "artici"ant#
The res!ting cor"orate *ission state*ent rea)sL
Or *ission is to e*"ower "eo"!e an) organiCations to significant!%
increase their "erfor*ance ca"a(i!it% in or)er to achie$e worthwhi!e
"r"oses throgh n)erstan)ing an) !i$ing "rinci"!e,centere) !ea)ershi",
The s%nergistic "rocess that !e) to the creation of or *ission state*ent
engra$e) it in the hearts an) *in)s of e$er%one there7 an) it has ser$e) s
we!! as a fra*e of reference of what we are a(ot7 as we!! as what we are not
a(ot#
Another high !e$e! s%nerg% e<"erience too? "!ace when I acce"te) an
in$itation to ser$e as the resorce an) )iscssion cata!%st at the anna!
"!anning *eeting of a !arge insrance co*"an%# Se$era! *onths ahea)7 1
*et with the co**ittee res"onsi(!e to "re"are for an) stage the two,)a%
*eeting which was to in$o!$e a!! the to" e<ecti$es# The% infor*e) *e that
the tra)itiona! "attern was to i)entif% for or fi$e *aDor isses throgh
Festionnaires an) inter$iews7 an) to ha$e a!ternati$e "ro"osa!s "resente)
(% the e<ecti$es# Past *eetings ha) (een genera!!% res"ectf! e<changes7
occasiona!!% )eteriorating into )efensi$e 0in5Lose ego (att!es# The% were
sa!!% "re)icta(!e7 ncreati$e7 an) (oring#
As I ta!?e) with the co**ittee *e*(ers a(ot the "ower of s%nerg%7 the%
co!) sense its "otentia!# 0ith consi)era(!e tre"i)ation7 the% agree) to
change the "attern# The% reFeste) $arios e<ecti$es to "re"are anon%*os
Gwhite "a"ersG on each of the high "riorit% isses7 an) then as?e) a!! the
e<ecti$es to i**erse the*se!$es in these "a"ers ahea) of ti*e in or)er to
n)erstan) the isses an) then )iffering "oints of $iew# The% were to co*e
to the *eeting "re"are) to !isten rather than to "resent7 "re"are) to create
an) s%nergiCe rather than to )efen) an) "rotect#
HABIT 8 SYNERGI9E
28K
0e s"ent the first ha!f,)a% in the *eeting teaching the "rinci"!es an)
"racticing the s?i!!s of Ha(its 47 67 an) 8# The rest of the ti*e was s"ent in
creati$e s%nerg%#
The re!ease of creati$e energ% was incre)i(!e# E<cite*ent re"!ace) (ore)o*#
Peo"!e (eca*e $er% o"en to each other@s inf!ence an) generate) new
insights an) o"tions# B% the en) of the *eeting an entire!% new
n)erstan)ing of the natre of the centra! co*"an% cha!!enge e$o!$e)# The
white "a"er "ro"osa!s (eca*e o(so!ete# &ifferences were $a!e) an)
transcen)e)# A new co**on $ision (egan to for*#
Once "eo"!e ha$e e<"erience) rea! s%nerg%7 the% are ne$er Fite the sa*e
again# The% ?now the "ossi(i!it% of ha$ing other sch *in),e<"an)ing
a)$entres in the ftre#
Often atte*"ts are *a)e to recreate a "artic!ar s%nergistic e<"erience7 (t
this se!)o* can (e )one# Howe$er7 the essentia! "r"ose (ehin) creati$e
wor? can (e reca"tre)# Li?e the Far Eastern "hi!oso"h%7 G0e see? not to
i*itate the *asters7 rather we see? what the% soght7G we see? not to i*itate
"ast creati$e s%nergistic e<"eriences7 rather we see? new ones aron) new
an) )ifferent an) so*eti*es higher "r"oses#
S%nerg% an) Co**nication
S%nerg% is e<citing# Creati$it% is e<citing# It@s "heno*ena! what o"enness
an) co**nication can "ro)ct# The "ossi(i!ities of tr!% significant gain7
of significant i*"ro$e*ent are so rea! that it@s worth the ris? sch o"enness
entai!s#
After 0or!) 0ar II7 the .nite) States co**issione) &a$i) Li!ientha! to
hea) the new Ato*ic Energ% Co**ission# Li!ientha! (roght together a
gro" of "eo"!e who were high!% inf!entia!A ce!e(rities in their own right
A)isci"!es7 as it were7 of their own fra*es of reference#
This $er% )i$erse gro" of in)i$i)a!s ha) an e<tre*e!% hea$% agen)a7 an)
the% were i*"atient to get at it# In a))ition7 the "ress was "shing the*#
Bt Li!ientha! too? se$era! wee?s to create a high E*otiona! Ban? Accont#
He ha) these "eo"!e get to ?now each otherAtheir interests7 their ho"es7
their goa!s7 their concerns7 their (ac?gron)s7 their fra*es of reference7 their
"ara)ig*s# He faci!itate)
2:J
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
the ?in) of h*an interaction that creates a great (on)ing (etween "eo"!e7
an) he was hea$i!% criticiCe) for ta?ing the ti*e to )o it (ecase it wasn@t
Gefficient#G
Bt the net res!t was that this gro" (eca*e c!ose!% ?nit together7 $er%
o"en with each other7 $er% creati$e7 an) s%nergistic# The res"ect a*ong the
*e*(ers of the co**ission was so high that if there was )isagree*ent7
instea) of o""osition an) )efense7 there was a genine effort to n)erstan)#
The attit)e was GIf a "erson of %or inte!!igence an) co*"etence an)
co**it*ent )isagrees with *e7 then there *st (e so*ething to %or
)isagree*ent that I )on@t n)erstan)7 an) I nee) to n)erstan) it# Yo ha$e a
"ers"ecti$e7 a fra*e of reference I nee) to !oo? at#G Non"rotecti$e
interaction )e$e!o"e)7 an) an nsa! c!tre was (orn#
The fo!!owing )iagra* i!!strates how c!ose!% trst is re!ate) to )ifferent
!e$e!s of co**nication#
The !owest !e$e! of co**nication co*ing ot of !ow,trst sitations wo!)
(e characteriCe) (% )efensi$eness7 "rotecti$e,ness7 an) often !ega!istic
!angage7 which co$ers a!! the (ases an) s"e!!s ot Fa!ifiers an) the esca"e
c!ases in the e$ent things go sor# Sch co**nication "ro)ces on!%
0in5Lose or Lose5Lose# It isn@t effecti$eAthere@s no P5PC (a!anceAan) it
creates frther reasons to )efen) an) "rotect#
HABIT 8 SYNERGI9E
2:1
The *i))!e "osition is res"ectf! co**nication# This is the !e$e! where
fair!% *atre "eo"!e interact# The% ha$e res"ect for each other7 (t the%
want to a$oi) the "ossi(i!it% of g!% confrontations7 so the% co**nicate
"o!ite!% (t not e*"athica!!%# The% *ight n)erstan) each other
inte!!ecta!!%7 (t the% rea!!% )on@t )ee"!% !oo? at the "ara)ig*s an)
ass*"tions n)er!%ing their own "ositions an) (eco*e o"en to new
"ossi(i!ities#
Res"ectf! co**nication wor?s in in)e"en)ent sitations an) e$en in
inter)e"en)ent sitations7 (t the creati$e "ossi(i!ities are not o"ene) "# In
inter)e"en)ent sitations co*"ro*ise is the "osition sa!!% ta?en#
Co*"ro*ise *eans that 1 a 1 b 1 an) one ha!f# Both gi$e an) ta?e# The
co**nication isn@t )efensi$e or "rotecti$e or angr% or *ani"!ati$eE it is
honest an) genine an) res"ectf!# Bt it isn@t creati$e or s%nergistic# It
"ro)ces a !ow for* of 0in50in#
S%nerg% *eans that 1 a 1 *a% eFa! I7 187 or e$en 178JJ# The s%nergistic
"osition of high trst "ro)ces so!tions (etter than an% origina!!% "ro"ose)7
an) a!! "arties ?now it# Frther*ore7 the% genine!% enDo% the creati$e
enter"rise# A *inic!tre is for*e) to satisf% in an) of itse!f# E$en if it is
short !i$e)7 the P5PC (a!ance is there#
There are so*e circ*stances in which s%nerg% *a% not (e achie$a(!e an)
No &ea! isn@t $ia(!e# Bt e$en in these circ*stances7 the s"irit of sincere
tr%ing wi!! sa!!% res!t in a *ore effecti$e co*"ro*ise#
Fishing for the Thir) A!ternati$e
To get a (etter i)ea of how or !e$e! of co**nication affects or
inter)e"en)ent effecti$eness7 en$ision the fo!!owing scenarioL
It@s $acation ti*e7 an) a hs(an) wants to ta?e his fa*i!% ot to the !a?e
contr% to enDo% ca*"ing an) fishing# This is i*"ortant to hi*E he@s (een
"!anning it a!! %ear# He@s *a)e reser$ations at a cottage on the !a?e an)
arrange) to rent a (oat7 an) his sons are rea!!% e<cite) a(ot going#
His wife7 howe$er7 wants to se the $acation ti*e to $isit her ai!ing *other
so*e 26J *i!es awa%# She )oesn@t ha$e the o""ortnit% to see her $er%
often7 an) this is i*"ortant to her#
Their )ifferences co!) (e the case of a *aDor negati$e e<"erience#
GThe "!ans are set# The (o%s are e<cite)# 0e sho!) go on the fishing tri"7G
he sa%s#
2:2 THE SEVEN HABITS OF H!GHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
GBt we )on@t ?now how *ch !onger *% *other wi!! (e aron)7 an) I want
to (e (% her7G she re"!ies# GThis is or on!% o""ortnit% to ha$e enogh ti*e
to )o that#G
GA!! %ear !ong we@$e !oo?e) forwar) to this one,wee? $acation# The (o%s
wo!) (e *isera(!e sitting aron) gran)*other@s hose for a wee?# The%@)
)ri$e e$er%(o)% craC%# Besi)es7 %or *other@s not that sic?# An) she has
%or sister !ess than a *i!e awa% to ta?e7 care of her#G
GShe@s *% *other7 too# 1 want to (e with her#G GYo co!) "hone her e$er%
night# An) we@re "!anning to s"en) ti*e with her at the Christians fa*i!%
renion# Re*e*(erBG
GThat@s not for fi$e *ore *onths# 0e )on@t e$en ?now if she@!! sti!! (e here
(% then# Besi)es7 she nee)s *e7 an) she wants *e#G GShe@s (eing we!! ta?en
care of# Besi)es7 the (o%s an) I nee) %o7 too#G
G-% *other is *ore i*"ortant than fishing#G GYor hs(an) an) sons are
*ore i*"ortant than %or *other#G As the% )isagree7 (ac? an) forth7 the%
fina!!% *a% co*e " with so*e ?in) of co*"ro*ise# The% *a% )eci)e to
s"!it "Ahe ta?es the (o%s fishing at the !a?e whi!e she $isits her *other#
An) the% (oth fee! gi!t% an) nha""%, The (o%s sense it7 an) it affects their
enDo%*ent of the $acation#
The hs(an) *a% gi$e in to his wife7 (t he )oes it gr)ging!%# An)
conscios!% or nconscios!% he "ro)ces e$i)ence to f!fi!! his "ro"hec% of
how *isera(!e the wee? wi!! (e for e$er%one#
The wife *a% gi$e in to her hs(an)7 (t she@s with)rawn an) o$er reacti$e
to an% new )e$e!o"*ents in her *other@s hea!th sitation# If her *other were
to (eco*e serios!% i!! an) )ie7 the hs(an) co!) ne$er forgi$e hi*se!f7 an)
she co!)n@t forgi$e hi* either#
0hate$er co*"ro*ise the% fina!!% agree on7 it co!) (e rehearse) o$er the
%ears as e$i)ence of insensiti$it%7 neg!ect7 or a (a) "riorit% )ecision on
either "art# It co!) (e a sorce of contention for %ears an) co!) e$en
"o!ariCe the fa*i!%# -an% *arriages that once were (eatif! an) soft an)
s"ontaneos an) !o$ing ha$e )eteriorate) to the !e$e! of a hosti!it% throgh a
series of inci)ents Dst !i?e this#
The hs(an) an) wife see the sitation )ifferent!%# An) that )ifference can
"o!ariCe the*7 se"arate the*7 create we)ges in the re!ationshi"# Or it can
(ring the* c!oser together on a higher !e$e!# If the% ha$e c!ti$ate) the
ha(its of effecti$e inter)e"en)ence7 the%
HABIT 8 SYNERG19E
2:3
a""roach their )ifferences fro* an entire!% )ifferent "ara)ig*# Their
co**nication is on a higher !e$e!#
Becase the% ha$e a high E*otiona! Ban? Accont7 the% ha$e trst an)
o"en co**nication in their *arriage# Becase the% thin? 0in50in7 the%
(e!ie$e in a thir) a!ternati$e7 a so!tion that is *ta!!% (eneficia! an) is
(etter than what either of the* origina!!% "ro"ose)# Becase the% !isten
e*"athica!!% an) see? first to n)erstan)7 the% create within the*se!$es an)
(etween the* a co*"rehensi$e "ictre of the $a!es an) the concerns that
nee) to (e ta?en into accont in *a?ing a )ecision#
An) the co*(ination of those ingre)ientsAthe high E*otiona! Ban?
Accont7 thin?ing 0in50in7 an) see?ing first to n)erstan)A creates the
i)ea! en$iron*ent for s%nerg%#
B))his* ca!!s this Gthe *i))!e wa%#G -i))!e in this sense )oes not *ean
co*"ro*iseE it *eans higher7 !i?e the a"e< of the triang!e#
In searching for the G*i))!eG or higher wa%7 this hs(an) an) wife rea!iCe
that their !o$e7 their re!ationshi"7 is "art of their s%nerg%#
As the% co**nicate7 the hs(an) rea!!%7 )ee"!% fee!s his wife@s )esire7 her
nee) to (e with her *other# He n)erstan)s how she wants to re!ie$e her
sister7 who has ha) the "ri*ar% res"onsi(i!it% for their *other@s care# He
n)erstan)s that the% rea!!% )on@t ?now how !ong she wi!! (e with the*7 an)
that she certain!% is *ore i*"ortant than fishing#
An) the wife )ee"!% n)erstan)s her hs(an)@s )esire to ha$e the fa*i!%
together an) to "ro$i)e a great e<"erience for the (o%s# She rea!iCes the
in$est*ent that has (een *a)e in !essons an) eFi"*ent to "re"are for this
fishing $acation7 an) she fee!s the i*"ortance of creating goo) *e*ories
with the*#
So the% "oo! those )esires# An) the%@re not on o""osite si)es of the "ro(!e*#
The%@re together on one si)e7 !oo?ing at the "ro(!e* n)erstan)ing the
nee)s7 an) wor?ing to create a thir) a!ternati$e!% that wi!! *eet the*#
G-a%(e we co!) arrange another ti*e within the *onth for %o to $isit
with %or *other7G he sggests# GI co!) ta?e o$er the ho*e res"onsi(i!ities
for the wee?en) an) arrange for so*e he!" at the first of the wee? so that
%o co!) go# I ?now it@s i*"ortant to %o to ha$e that ti*e#
GOr *a%(e we co!) !ocate a "!ace to ca*" an) fish that wo!) (e c!ose to
%or *other# The area wo!)n@t (e as nice7 (t we co!)
2:4
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
sti!! (e ot)oors an) *eet other nee)s as we!!# An) the (o%s wo!)n@t (e
c!i*(ing the wa!!s# 0e co!) e$en "!an so*e recreationa! acti$ities with the
cosins7 ants7 an) nc!es7 which wo!) (e an a))e) (enefit#G
The% s%nergiCe# The% co**nicate (ac? an) forth nti! the% co*e " with a
so!tion the% (oth fee! goo) a(ot# If s (etter than the so!tions either of
the* origina!!% "ro"ose)# If s (etter than co*"ro*ise# If s a s%nergistic
so!tion that (i!)s P an) PC#
Instea) of a transaction7 it@s a transfor*ation# The% get what the% (oth rea!!%
want an) (i!) their re!ationshi" in the "rocess#
NEGATIVE SYNERGY
See?ing the thir) a!ternati$e is a *aDor "ara)ig* shift fro* the
)ichoto*os7 either5or *enta!it%# Bt !oo? at the )ifference in res!tsH
How *ch negati$e energ% is t%"ica!!% e<"en)e) when "eo"!e tr% to so!$e
"ro(!e*s or *a?e )ecisions in an inter)e"en)ent rea!it%B How *ch ti*e is
s"ent in confessing other "eo"!e@s sins7 "o!itic?ing7 ri$a!r%7 inter"ersona!
conf!ict7 "rotecting one@s (ac?si)e7 *aster*in)ing7 an) secon) gessingB It@s
!i?e tr%ing to )ri$e )own the roa) with one foot on the gas an) the other foot
on the (ra?eH
An) instea) of getting a foot off the (ra?e7 *ost "eo"!e gi$e it *ore gas#
The% tr% to a""!% *ore "ressre7 *ore e!oFence7 *ore !ogica! infor*ation
to strengthen their "osition#
The "ro(!e* is that high!% )e"en)ent "eo"!e are tr%ing to sccee) in an
inter)e"en)ent rea!it%# The%@re either )e"en)ent on (orrowing strength fro*
"osition "ower an) the% go for 0in5Lose7 or the%@re )e"en)ent on (eing
"o"!ar with others an) the% go for Lose50in# The% *a% ta!? 0in50in
techniFe7 (t the% )on@t rea!!% want to !istenE the% want to *ani"!ate# An)
s%nerg% can@t thri$e in that en$iron*ent#
Insecre "eo"!e thin? that a!! rea!it% sho!) (e a*ena(!e to their "ara)ig*s#
The% ha$e a high nee) to c!one others7 to *o!) the* o$er into their own
thin?ing# The% )on@t rea!iCe that the $er% strength of the re!ationshi" is in
ha$ing another "oint of $iew# Sa*eness is not onenessE nifor*it% is not
nit%# .nit%7 or oneness7 is co*"!e*entariness7 not sa*eness# Sa*eness is
ncreati$e # # # an) (oring# The essence of s%nerg% is to $a!e the )ifferences#
I@$e co*e to (e!ie$e that the ?e% to inter"ersona! s%nerg% is intra"ersona!
s%nerg%7 that is s%nerg% within orse!$es# The heart
HABIT 8 SYNERGI9
2:6
of intra"ersona! s%nerg% is e*(o)ie) in the "rinci"!es in the first three
ha(its7 which gi$e the interna! secrit% sfficient to han)!e the ris?s of (eing
o"en an) $!nera(!e# B% interna!iCing those "rinci"!es7 we )e$e!o" the
a(n)ance *enta!it% of 0in50in an) the athenticit% of Ha(it 6#
One of the $er% "ractica! res!ts of (eing "rinci"!e,centere) is that it *a?es
s who!eAtr!% integrate)# Peo"!e who are scri"te) )ee"!% in !ogica!7
$er(a!7 !eft,(rain thin?ing wi!! )isco$er how tota!!% ina)eFate that thin?ing
is in so!$ing "ro(!e*s which reFire a great )ea! of creati$it%# The% (eco*e
aware an) (egin to o"en " a new scri"t insi)e their right (rain# It@s not that
the right (rain wasn@t thereE it Dst !a% )or*ant# The *sc!es ha) not (een
)e$e!o"e)7 or "erha"s the% ha) atro"hie) after ear!% chi!)hoo) (ecase of
the hea$% !eft,(rain e*"hasis of for*a! e)cation or socia! scri"ting#
0hen a "erson has access to (oth the intiti$e7 creati$e7 an) $isa! right
(rain7 an) the ana!%tica!7 !ogica!7 $er(a! !eft (rain7 then the who!e (rain is
wor?ing# In other wor)s7 there is "s%chic s%nerg% ta?ing "!ace in or own
hea)# An) this too! is (est site) to the rea!it% of what !ife is7 (ecase !ife is
not Dst !ogica!Ait is a!so e*otiona!#
One )a% I was "resenting a se*inar which I tit!e)7 G-anage fro* the Left7
Lea) fro* the RightG to a co*"an% in Or!an)o7 F!ori)a# &ring the (rea?7
the "resi)ent of the co*"an% ca*e " to *e an) sai)# GSte"hen7 this is
intriging# Bt I ha$e (een thin?ing a(ot this *ateria! *ore in ter*s of its
a""!ication to *% *arriage than to *% (siness# -% wife an) I ha$e a rea!
co**nication "ro(!e*# I won)er if %o wo!) ha$e !nch with the two of
s an) Dst ?in) of watch how we ta!? to each otherBG
GLet@s )o it7G I re"!ie)#
As we sat )own together7 we e<change) a few "!easantries# Then this *an
trne) to his wife an) sai)7 GNow7 hone%7 I@$e in$ite) Ste"hen to ha$e !nch
with s to see if he co!) he!" s in or co**nication with each other I
?now %o fee! I sho!) (e a *ore sensiti$e7 consi)erate hs(an)# Co!) %o
gi$e *e so*ething s"ecific %o thin? I oght to )oBG His )o*inant !eft (rain
wante) facts7 figres7 s"ecifics7 "arts#
G0e!!7 as I@$e to!) %o (efore7 it@s nothing s"ecific# It@s *ore of a genera!
sense I ha$e a(ot "riorities#G Her )o*inant right (rain was )ea!ing with
sensing an) with the gesta!t7 the who!e7 the re!ationshi" (etween the "arts#
G0hat )o %o *ean7 @a genera! fee!ing a(ot "riorities@B 0hat is
2:8
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
it %o want *e to )oB Gi$e *e so*ething s"ecific I can get a han)!e on#G
G0e!!7 it@s Dst a fee!ing#G Her right (rain was )ea!ing in i*ages7 intiti$e
fee!ings# GI Dst )on@t thin? or *arriage is as i*"ortant to %o as %o te!! *e
it is#G
G0e!!7 what can I )o to *a?e it *ore i*"ortantB Gi$e *e so*ething
concrete an) s"ecific to go on#G
GIt@s har) to "t into wor)s#@@
At that "oint7 he Dst ro!!e) his e%es an) !oo?e) at *e as if to sa%7 GSte"hen7
co!) %o en)re this ?in) of )*(ness in %or *arriageBG
GIt@s Dst a fee!ing7G she sai)7 Ga $er% strong fee!ing#G
GHone%7G he sai) to her7 Gthat s %or "ro(!e*# An) that=s the "ro(!e* with
%or *other# In fact7 it@s the "ro(!e* with e$er% wo*an I ?now#G
Then he (egan to interrogate her as thogh it were so*e ?in) of !ega!
)e"osition#
G&o %o !i$e where %o want to !i$eBG
GThat@s not it7G she sighe)# GThat@s not it at a!!#G
GI ?now7G he re"!ie) with a force) "atience# GBt since %o won@t te!! *e
e<act!% what it is7 I figre the (est wa% to fin) ot what it is is to fin) ot
what it is not# &o %o !i$e where %o want to !i$eBG
GI gess#G
GHone%7 Ste"hen@s here for Dst a few *intes to tr% to he!" s# >st gi$e a
Fic? @%es@ or @no answer# &o %o !i$e where %o want to !i$eBG
GYes#G
GO?a%# That@s sett!e)# &o %o ha$e the things %o want to ha$eBG
GYes#G
GA!! right# &o %o )o the things %o want to )o@G
This went on for a !itt!e whi!e7 an) I co!) see I wasn@t he!"ing at a!!# So I
inter$ene) an) sai)7 GIs this ?in) of how it goes in %or re!ationshi"BG
GE$er% )a%7 Ste"hen7G he re"!ie)#
GIt@s the stor% of or *arriage7G she sighe)#
I !oo?e) at the two of the* an) the thoght crosse) *% *in) that the% were
two ha!f,(raine) "eo"!e !i$ing together# G&o %o ha$e an% chi!)renBG I
as?e)#
GYes7 two#G
GRea!!%BG I as?e) incre)!os!%# GHow )i) %o )o itBG
HABIT 8 SYNERCI9E
2::
G0hat )o %o *ean how )i) we )o itBG
GYo were s%nergisticHG 1 sai)# GOne "!s one sa!!% eFa!s two# Bt %o
*a)e one "!s one eFa! for# Now that@s s%nerg%# The who!e is greater than
the s* of the "arts# So how )i) %o )o itBG
GYo ?now how we )i) it5@ he re"!ie)#
GYo *st ha$e $a!e) the )ifferencesHG 1 e<c!ai*e)#
Va!ing the &ifferences
Va!ing the )ifferences is the essence of s%nerg%Athe *enta!7 the
e*otiona!7 the "s%cho!ogica! )ifferences (etween "eo"!e# An) the ?e% to
$a!ing those )ifferences is to rea!iCe that a!! "eo"!e see the wor!)7 not as it
is7 (t as the% are#
If I thin? I see the wor!) as it is7 wh% wo!) I want to $a!e the )ifferencesB
0h% wo!) I e$encwant to (other with so*eone who@s Goff trac?GB -%
"ara)ig* is that I a* o(Decti$eE I see the wor!) as it is# E$er%one e!se is
(rie) (% the *intia7 (t I see the !arger "ictre# That@s wh% the% ca!! *e a
s"er$isorAI ha$e s"er $ision#
If that@s *% "ara)ig*7 then I wi!! ne$er (e effecti$e!% inter)e"en)ent7 or
e$en effecti$e!% in)e"en)ent7 for that *atter# I wi!! (e !i*ite) (% the
"ara)ig*s of *% own con)itioning#
The "erson who is tr!% effecti$e has the h*i!it% an) re$erence to
recogniCe his own "erce"ta! !i*itations an) to a""reciate the rich resorces
a$ai!a(!e throgh interaction with the hearts an) *in)s of other h*an
(eings# That "erson $a!es the )ifferences (ecase those )ifferences a)) to
his ?now!e)ge7 to his n)erstan)ing of rea!it%# 0hen we@re !eft to or own
e<"eriences7 we constant!% sffer fro* a shortage of )ata#
Is it !ogica! that two "eo"!e can )isagree an) that (oth can (e rightB It@s not
!ogica!L it@s "s%cho!ogica!# An) it@s $er% rea!# Yo see the %ong !a)%E 1 see
the o!) wo*an# 0e@re (oth !oo?ing at the sa*e "ictre7 an) (oth of s are
right# 0e see the sa*e (!ac? !ines7,the sa*e white s"aces# Bt we inter"ret
the* )ifferent!% (ecase we@$e (een con)itione) to inter"ret the*
)ifferent!%#
An) n!ess we $a!e the )ifferences in or "erce"tions7 n!ess we $a!e each
other an) gi$e cre)ence to the "ossi(i!it% that we@re (oth right7 that !ife is not
a!wa%s a )ichoto*os either5or7 that there are a!*ost a!wa%s thir)
a!ternati$es7 we wi!! ne$er (e a(!e to transcen) the !i*its of that
con)itioning#
A!! I *a% see is the o!) wo*an# Bt I rea!iCe that %o see
2:I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
so*ething e!se# An) I $a!e %o# I $a!e %or "erce"tion# I want to
n)erstan)#
So when I (eco*e aware of the )ifference in or "erce"tions7 I sa%7 GCoo)H
Yo see it )ifferent!%H He!" *e see what %o see#G
If two "eo"!e ha$e the sa*e o"inion7 one is nnecessar%# It@s not going to )o
*e an% goo) at a!! to co**nicate with so*eone e!se who sees on!% the o!)
wo*an a!so# I )on@t want to ta!?7 to co**nicate7 with so*eone who agrees
with *eE I want toR co**nicate with %o (ecase %o see it )ifferent!%# I
$a!e that )ifference#
B% )oing that7 I not on!% increase *% own awarenessE I a!so affir* %o# I
gi$e %o "s%cho!ogica! air# I ta?e *% foot off the (ra?e an) re!ease the
negati$e energ% %o *a% ha$e in$este) in )efen)ing a "artic!ar "osition# I
create an en$iron*ent for s%nerg%#
The i*"ortance of $a!ing the )ifference is ca"tre) in an often Fote) fa(!e
ca!!e) GThe Ani*a! Schoo!7G written (% e)cator &r# R# H# Ree$esL
Once "on a ti*e7 the ani*a!s )eci)e) the% *st )o so*ething heroic to
*eet the "ro(!e*s of a GNew 0or!)7G so the% organiCe) a schoo!# The%
a)o"te) an acti$it% crric!* consisting of rnning7 c!i*(ing7 swi**ing
an) f!%ing# To *a?e it easier to a)*inister7 a!! ani*a!s too? a!! the s(Dects#
The )c? was e<ce!!ent in swi**ing7 (etter in fact than his instrctor7 an)
*a)e e<ce!!ent gra)es in f!%ing7 (t he was $er% "oor in rnning# Since he
was !ow in rnning he ha) to sta% after schoo! an) a!so )ro" swi**ing to
"ractice rnning# This was ?e"t " nti! his we( feet were (a)!% worn an) he
was on!% a$erage in swi**ing# Bt a$erage was acce"ta(!e in schoo!7 so
no(o)% worrie) a(ot that e<ce"t the )c?#
The ra((it starte) at the to" of the c!ass in rnning7 (t ha) a ner$os
(rea?)own (ecase of so *ch *a?e" in swi**ing#
The sFirre! was e<ce!!ent in c!i*(ing nti! he )e$e!o"e) frstrations in the
f!%ing c!ass where his teacher *a)e hi* start fro* the gron) " instea) of
fro* the tree,to" )own# He a!so )e$e!o"e) char!e% horses fro* o$er,
e<ertion an) he got a C in c!i*(ing an) a & in rnning#
The eag!e was a "ro(!e* chi!) an) ha) to (e )isci"!ine) se$ere!%# In
c!i*(ing c!ass he (eat a!! the others to the to" of the tree7 (t insiste) on
sing his own wa% of getting there#
At the en) of the %ear7 an a(nor*a! ee! that co!) swi* e<cee)ing!% we!!
an) a!so co!) rn7 c!i*( an) f!% a !itt!e ha) the highest a$erage an) was
$a!e)ictorian#
HABIT 8 SYNF#RC19I
2:K
The "rairie )ogs sta%e) ot of schoo! an) foght the ta< !e$% (ecase the
a)*inistration wo!) not a)) )igging an) (rrowing to the crric!*#
The% a""rentice) their chi!)ren to the (a)ger an) !ater Doine) the
gron)hogs an) go"hers to start a sccessf! "ri$ate schoo!#
Force Fie!) Ana!%sis
In an inter)e"en)ent sitation7 s%nerg% is "artic!ar!% "owerf! in )ea!ing
with negati$e forces that wor? against growth an) change#
Socio!ogist 'rt Lewin )e$e!o"e) a GForce Fie!) Ana!%sisG *o)e! in which
he )escri(e) an% crrent !e$e! of "erfor*ance or (eing as a state of
eFi!i(ri* (etween the )ri$ing forces that encorage "war) *o$e*ent
an) the restraining force that )iscorage it#
&ri$ing forces genera!!% are "ositi$e7 reasona(!e an) econo*ic# In
D<ta"osition7 restraining forces are often negati$e7 e*otiona!7 i!!ogica!7
nconscios7 an) socia!5 "s%cho!ogica!# Both sets of forces are $er% rea!
an) *st (e ta?en into accont in )ea!ing with change#
In a fa*i!%7 for e<a*"!e7 %o ha$e a certain Gc!i*ateG in the ho*eAa
certain !e$e! of "ositi$e or negati$e interaction7 of fee!ing
2IJ THE SEVEN HA0TS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
safe or nsafe in e<"ressing fee!ings or ta!?ing a(ot concerns7 of res"ect or
)isres"ect in co**nication a*ong fa*i!% *e*(ers# Yo *a% rea!!% want
to change that !e$e!# Yo *a% want to create a c!i*ate that is *ore "ositi$e7
*ore res"ectf!7 *ore o"en an) trsting# Yor !ogica! reasons for )oing that
are the )ri$ing forces that act to raise the !e$e!#
Bt increasing those )ri$ing forces is not enogh# Yor efforts
are o""ose) (% restraining forcesA(% the co*"etiti$e s"irit (etween
chi!)ren in the fa*i!%7 (% the )ifferent scri"ting of ho*e !ife %o an) %or
s"ose ha$e (roght to the re!ationshi"7 (% ha(its that ha$e )e$e!o"e) in the
fa*i!%7 (% wor? or other )e*an)s on %or ti*e an) energies#
Increasing the )ri$ing forces *a% (ring res!tsAfor a whi!e# Bt as !ong as
the restraining forces are there7 it (eco*es increasing!% har)er# It@s !i?e
"shing against a s"ringL the har)er %o "sh7 the har)er it is to "sh nti!
the force of the s"ring s))en!% thrsts the !e$e! (ac? )own#
The res!ting " an) )own7 %o,%o effect cases %o to fee!7 after se$era!
atte*"ts7 that "eo"!e are GDst the wa% the% areG an) that Git@s too )iffic!t to
change#G
Bt when %o intro)ce s%nerg%7 %o se the *oti$e of Ha(it 47 the s?i!! of
Ha(it 67 an) the interaction of Ha(it 8 to wor? )irect!% on the restraining
forces# Yo create an at*os"here in which it is safe to ta!? a(ot these
forces# Yo nfreeCe the*7 !oosen the* "7 an) create new insights that
acta!!% transfor* those restraining forces into )ri$ing ones# Yo in$o!$e
"eo"!e in the "ro(!e*7 i**erse the* in it7 so that the% soa? it in an) fee! it
is their "ro(!e* an) the% ten) to (eco*e an i*"ortant "art of the so!tion#
As a res!t7 new goa!s7 share) goa!s7 are create)7 an) the who!e enter"rise
*o$es "war)7 often in wa%s that no one co!) ha$e antici"ate)# An) the
e<cite*ent containe) within that *o$e*ent creates a new c!tre# The
"eo"!e in$o!$e) in it are en*eshe) in each other@s h*anit% an) e*"owere)
(% new7 fresh thin?ing7 (% new creati$e a!ternati$es an) o""ortnities#
I@$e (een in$o!$e) se$era! ti*es in negotiations (etween "eo"!e who were
angr% at each other an) hire) !aw%ers to )efen) that "ositions# An) a!! that
)i) was to e<acer(ate the "ro(!e* (ecase the inter"ersona! co**nication
)eteriorate) as it went throgh the !ega! "rocess# Bt the trst !e$e! was so
!ow that the "arties fe!t the% ha) no other a!ternati$e than to ta?e the isses
to cort#
HABIT 8 SYNERGI9E 2I1
G0o!) %o (e intereste) in going for a 0in50in so!tion that (oth "arties
fee! rea!!% goo) a(otBG I wo!) as?#
The res"onse was sa!!% affir*ati$e7 (t *ost "eo"!e )i)n@t rea!!% thin? it
was "ossi(!e#
GIf I can get the other "art% to agree7 wo!) %o (e wi!!ing to start the
"rocess of rea!!% co**nicating with each otherBG
Again7 the answer was sa!!% G%es#G
The res!ts in a!*ost e$er% case ha$e (een aston)ing# Pro(!e*s that ha)
(een !ega!!% an) "s%cho!ogica!!% wrang!e) a(ot for *onths ha$e (een
sett!e) in a *atter of a few hors or )a%s# -ost of the so!tions weren@t the
corthose co*"ro*ise so!tions7 eitherE the% were s%nergistic7 (etter than
the so!tions "ro"ose) in)e"en)ent!% (% either "art%# An)7 in *ost cases7 the
re!ationshi"s contine) e$en thogh it ha) a""eare) in the (eginning that the
trst !e$e! was so !ow an) the r"tre in the re!ationshi" so !arge as to (e
a!*ost irre"ara(!e#
At one of or )e$e!o"*ent "rogra*s7 an e<ecti$e re"orte) a sitation
where a *anfactrer was (eing se) (% a !ongti*e in)stria! csto*er for
!ac? of "erfor*ance# Both "arties fe!t tota!!% Dstifie) in the rightness of
their "osition an) "ercei$e) each other as nethica! an) co*"!ete!%
ntrstworth%#
As the% (egan to "ractice Ha(it 67 two things (eca*e c!ear# First7 ear!%
co**nication "ro(!e*s res!te) in a *isn)erstan)ing which was !ater
e<acer(ate) (% accsations an) conteraccsations# Secon)7 (oth were
initia!!% acting in goo) faith an) )i)n@t !i?e the cost an) hass!e of a !ega!
fight7 (t saw no other wa% ot#
Once these two things (eca*e )ear7 the s"irit of Ha(its 47 67 an) 8 too?
o$er7 the "ro(!e* was ra"i)!% reso!$e)7 an) the re!ationshi" contines to
"ros"er#
In another circ*stance7 I recei$e) an ear!% *orning "hone ca!! fro* a !an)
)e$e!o"er )es"erate!% searching for he!"# The (an? wante) to forec!ose
(ecase he was not co*"!%ing with the "rinci"a! an) interest "a%*ent
sche)!e7 an) he was sing the (an? to a$oi) the forec!osre# He nee)e)
a))itiona! fn)ing to finish an) *ar?et the !an) so that he co!) re"a% the
(an?7 (t the (an? refse) to "ro$i)e a))itiona! fn)s nti! sche)!e)
"a%*ents were *et# It was a chic?en an) egg "ro(!e* with n)er ca"ita!iCa,
tion#
In the *eanti*e7 the "roDect was !angishing# The streets were
2I2
HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
(eginning to !oo? !i?e wee) fie!)s7 an) the owners of the few ho*es that ha)
(een (i!t were " in ar*s as the% saw their "ro"ert% $a!es )ro"# The cit%
was a!so "set o$er the G"ri*e !an)G "roDect fa!!ing (ehin) sche)!e an)
(eco*ing an e%esore# Tens of thosan)s of )o!!ars in !ega! costs ha) a!rea)%
(een s"ent (% the (an? an)# the )e$e!o"er an) the case wasn@t sche)!e) to
co*e to cort for se$era! *onths#
In )es"eration7 this )e$e!o"er re!ctant!% agree) to tr% the "rinci"!es of
ha(its 47 67 an) 8# He arrange) a *eeting with e$en *ore re!ctant (an?
officia!s#
The *eeting starte) at I a#*# in one of the (an? conference roo*s7 the
tension an) *istrst were "a!"a(!e# The attorne% for the (an? ha) co**itte)
the (an? officia!s to sa% nothing# The% were on!% to !isten an) he a!one
wo!) s"ea?# He wante) nothing to ha""en that wo!) co*"ro*ise the
(an?@s "osition in cort#
For the first hor an) a ha!f7 I taght Ha(its 47 67 an) 8# At KL3J I went to the
(!ac?(oar) an) wrote )own the (an?@s concerns (ase) Wn or "rior
n)erstan)ing# Initia!!% the (an? officia!s sai) nothings (t the *ore we
co**nicate) 0in50in intentions an) soght first to n)erstan)7 the *ore
the% o"ene) " to e<"!ain an) c!iff%#
As the% (egan to feeU n)erstoo)7 the who!e at*os"here change) an) a
sense of *o*ent*7 of e<cite*ent o$er the "ros"er of "eacef!!% sett!ing
the "ro(!e* was c!ear!% e$i)ent# O$er the attorne%@s o(Dections the (an?
officia!s o"ene) " e$en *ore7 e$en a(ot "ersona! concerns# G0hen we
wa!? ot of here the first thing the (an? "resi)ent wi!! sa% is7 @&i) we get or
*one%B@ what are we going to sa%BG
B% 11LJJ7 the (an? officers were sti!! con$ince) of their rightness7 (t the%
fe!t n)erstoo) an) were no !onger )efensi$e an) officios# At that "oint7
the% were sfficient!% o"en to !isten to the )e$e!o"er=s concerns7 which we
wrote )own on the other si)e of the (!ac?(oar) This res!te) in )ee"er
*ta! n)erstan)ing an) a co!!ecti$e awareness of how "oor ear!%
co**nication ha) res!te) in *isn)erstan)ing an) nrea!istic
e<"ectations7 an) how Contines co**nication in a 0in50in s"irit co!)
ha$e "re$ente) the s(seFent *aDor "ro(!e*s fro* )e$e!o"ing#
The share) sense of (oth chronic an) acte "ain co*(ine) with a sense of
genine "rogress ?e"t e$er%one co**nicating# B% noon7 when the *eeting
was sche)!e) to en)7 the "eo"!e were "ositi$e creati$e7 an) s%nergistic an)
wante) to ?ee" ta!?ing#
HABIT 8 SYNERCI9E
2I3
The $er% first reco**en)ation *a)e (% the )e$e!o"er was seen as a
(eginning 0in50in a""roach (% a!!# It was s%nergiCe) on an) i*"ro$e)7 an)
at 12L46 "#*# the )e$e!o"er an) the two (an? officers !eft with a "!an to
"resent together to the Ho*e Owners Association an) the cit%# &es"ite
s(seFent co*"!icating )e$e!o"*ents7 the !ega! fight was a(orte) an) the
(i!)ing "roDect contine) to a sccessf! conc!sion#
I a* not sggesting that "eo"!e sho!) not se !ega! "rocesses# So*e
sitations a(so!te!% reFire it# Bt I see it as a cort of !ast7 not first7 resort#
If it is se) too ear!%7 e$en in a "re$enti$e sense7 so*eti*es fear an) the
!ega! "ara)ig* create s(seFent thoght an) action "rocesses that are not
s%nergistic#
A!! Natre Is S%nergistic
Eco!og% is a wor) which (asica!!% )escri(es the s%nergis* in natreA
e$er%thing is re!ate) to e$er%thing e!se# It@s in the re!ationshi" that creati$e
"owers are *a<i*iCe)7 Dst as the rea! "ower in these Se$en Ha(its is in
their re!ationshi" to each other7 not Dst in the in)i$i)a! ha(its the*se!$es#
The re!ationshi" of the "arts is a!so the "ower in creating a s%nergistic
c!tre insi)e a fa*i!% or an organiCation# The *ore genine the
in$o!$e*ent7 the *ore sincere an) sstaine) the "artici"ation in ana!%Cing
an) so!$ing "ro(!e*s7 the greater the re!ease of e$er%one@s creati$it%7 an) of
their co**it*ent to what the% create# This7 I@* con$ince)7 is the essence of
the "ower in the >a"anese a""roach to (siness7 which has change) the
wor!) *ar?et"!ace#
S%nerg% wor?sE it@s a correct "rinci"!e# It is the crowning achie$e*ent of a!!
the "re$ios ha(its# It is effecti$eness in an inter)e"en)ent rea!it%Ait is
tea*wor?7 tea* (i!)ing7 the )e$e!o"*ent of nit% an) creati$it% with other
h*an (eings#
A!thogh %o cannot contro! the "ara)ig*s of others in an inter)e"en)ent
interaction or the s%nergistic "rocess itse!f7 a great )ea! of s%nerg% is within
%or Circ!e of Inf!ence#
Yor own interna! s%nerg% is co*"!ete!% within the circ!e# Yo can res"ect
(oth si)es of %or own natreAthe ana!%tica! si)e an) the creati$e si)e# Yo
can $a!e the )ifference (etween the* an) se that )ifference to cata!%Ce
creati$it%#
Yo can (e s%nergistic within %orse!f e$en in the *i)st of a $er%
2I4
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
a)$ersaria! en$iron*ent# Yo )on@t ha$e to ta?e ins!ts "ersona!!%# Yo can
si)este" negati$e energ%E %o can !oo? for the goo) in others an) ti!iCe that
goo)7 as )ifferent as it *a% (e7 to i*"ro$e %or "oint of $iew an) to en!arge
%or "ers"ecti$e#
Yo can e<ercise the corage in inter)e"en)ent sitations to (e o"en7 to
e<"ress %or i)eas7 %or fee!ings7 an) %or e<"eriences in a wa% that wi!!
encorage other "eo"!e to (e o"en a!so#
Yo can $a!e the )ifference in other "eo"!e# 0hen so*eone )isagrees with
%o7 %o can sa%7 GGoo)H Yo see it )ifferent!%#G Yo )on@t ha$e to agree
with the*E %o can si*"!% affir* the*# An) %o can see? to n)erstan)#
0hen %o see on!% two a!ternati$esA%ors an) the GwrongG oneA%o can
!oo? for a s%nergistic thir) a!ternati$e# There@s a!*ost a!wa%s a thir)
a!ternati$e7 an) if %o wor? with a 0in50in "hi!oso"h% an) rea!!% see? to
n)erstan)7 %o sa!!% can fin) a so!tion that wi!! (e (etter for e$er%one
concerne)#
A""!ication SggestionsL
1# Thin? a(ot a "erson who t%"ica!!% sees things )ifferent!% than %o )o#
Consi)er wa%s in which those )ifferences *ight (e se) as ste""ing,stones
to thir) a!ternati$e so!tions# Perha"s %o co!) see? ot his or her $iews on
a crrent "roDect or "ro(!e*7 $a!ing the )ifferent $iews %o are !i?e!% to
hear#
2# -a?e a !ist of "eo"!e who irritate %o# &o the% re"resent )ifferent $iews
that co!) !ea) to s%nerg% if %o ha) greater intrinsic secrit% an) $a!e) the
)ifferenceB
3# I)entif% a sitation in which %o )esire greater tea*wor? an) s%nerg%#
0hat con)itions wo!) nee) to e<ist to s""ort s%nerg%B 0hat can %o )o
to create those con)itionsB
4# The ne<t ti*e %o ha$e a )isagree*ent or confrontation with so*eone7
atte*"t to n)erstan) the concerns n)er!%ing that "erson@s "osition#
A))ress those concerns in a creati$e an) *ta!!% (eneficia! wa%#
Part For
Renewa!
Ha(it :
Shar"en the Saw
Princi"!es of Ba!ance) Se!f,Renewa!
So*eti*es when I consi)er what tre*en)os
conseFences co*e fro* !itt!e things # # #
I a* te*"te) to thin? # # #
there are no !itt!e things#
Brce Barton
S""ose %o were to co*e "on so*eone in the woo)s wor?ing fe$erish!%
to saw )own a tree#
G0hat are %o )oingBG %o as?#
GCan@t %o seeBG co*es the i*"atient re"!%# GI@* sawing )own this tree#G
GYo !oo? e<haste)HG %o e<c!ai*# GHow !ong ha$e %o (een at itBG
GO$er fi$e hors7G he retrns7 Gan) I@* (eatH This is har) wor?#G
G0e!!7 wh% )on@t %o ta?e a (rea? for a few *intes an) shar"en that sawBG
%o inFire# GI@* sre it wo!) go a !ot faster#G
GI )on@t ha$e ti*e to shar"en the saw7G the *an sa%s e*"hatica!!%# GI@* too
(s% sawingHG
Ha(it : is ta?ing ti*e to shar"en the saw# It srron)s the other ha(its on the
Se$en Ha(its "ara)ig* (ecase it is the ha(it that *a?es a!! the others
"ossi(!e#
2I:
2II THE SEVEN HABrTS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
For &i*ensions of Renewa!
Ha(it : is "ersona! PC# Ifs "reser$ing an) enhancing the greatest asset %o
ha$eA%o# It@s renewing the for )i*ensions of %or natreA"h%sica!7
s"irita!7 *enta!7 an) socia!5e*otiona!#
PHYSICAL
E<ercise7 Ntrition7 Stress -anage*ent
-ENTAL
Rea)ing7 Visa!iCing7 P!anning7 0riting
SOCIAL5E-OTIONAL
Ser$ice7 E*"ath%7 S%nerg%7 Intrinsic Secrit%
SPIRIT.AL
Va!e C!arification + Co**it*ent7 St)% + -e)itation
A!thogh )ifferent wor)s are se)7 *ost "hi!oso"hies of !ife )ea! either
e<"!icit!% or i*"!icit!% with these for )i*ensions# Phi!oso"her Her(
She"her) )escri(es the hea!th% (a!ance) !ife aron) for $a!esL "ers"ecti$e
Ms"irita!N7 atono*% M*enta!N7 connecte)ness Msocia!N7 an) tone M"h%sica!N#
George Sheehan7 the rnning gr7 )escri(es for ro!esL (eing a goo) ani*a!
M"h%sica!N7 a goo) crafts*an M*enta!N7 a goo) frien) Msocia!N7 an) a saint
Ms"irita!N# Son) *oti$ation an) organiCation theor% e*(race these for
)i*ensions or *oti$ationsAthe econo*ic M"h%sica!NE how "eo"!e are treate)
Msocia!NE how "eo"!e are )e$e!o"e) an) se) M*enta!NE an) the ser$ice7 the
Do(7 the contri(tion the organiCation gi$es Ms"irita!N#
GShar"en the sawG (asica!!% *eans e<"ressing a!! for *oti$a,
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
2IK
tions# It *eans e<ercising a!! for )i*ensions of or natre7 reg!ar!% an)
consistent!% in wise an) (a!ance) wa%s#
To )o this7 we *st (e "roacti$e# Ta?ing ti*e to shar"en the saw is a
)efinite Xa)rant II acti$it%7 an) Xa)rant II *st (e acte) on# Xa)rant I7
(ecase of its rgenc%7 acts on sE it "resses "on s constant!%# Persona!
P5C *st (e "resse) "on nti! it (eco*es secon) natre7 nti! it (eco*es a
?in) of hea!th% a))iction# Becase it@s at the center of or Circ!e of
Inf!ence7 no one e!se can )o it for s# 0e *st )o it for orse!$es#
This is the sing!e *ost "owerf! in$est*ent we can e$er *a?e in !ifeA
in$est*ent in orse!$es7 in the on!% instr*ent we ha$e with which to )ea!
with !ife an) to contri(te# 0e are the instr*ents of or own "erfor*ance7
an) to (e effecti$e7 we nee) to recogniCe the i*"ortance of ta?ing ti*e
reg!ar!% to shar"en the saw in a!! for wa%s#
The Ph%sica! &i*ension
The "h%sica! )i*ension in$o!$es caring effecti$e!% for or "h%sica! (o)%A
eating the right ?in)s of foo)s7 getting sfficient rest an) re!a<ation7 an)
e<ercising on a reg!ar (asis#
E<ercise is one of those Xa)rant II7 high,!e$erage acti$ities that *ost of s
)on@t )o consistent!% (ecase it isn@t rgent# An) (ecase we )on@t )o it7
sooner or !ater we fin) orse!$es in Xa)rant I7 )ea!ing with the hea!th
"ro(!e*s an) crises that co*e as a natra! res!t od or neg!ect#
-ost of s thin? $e e )on@t ha$e enogh ti*e to e<ercise# 0hat a )istorte)
"ara)ig*H 0e )on@t ha$e ti*e not to# 0e@re ta!?ing a(ot three to si< hors
a wee?Aor a *ini** of thirt% *intes a )a%7 e$er% other )a%# That har)!%
see*s an inor)inate a*ont of ti*e consi)ering the #tre*en)os (enefits in
ter*s of the i*"act on the other 182,186 hors of the wee?#
An) %o )on@t nee) an% s"ecia! eFi"*ent to )o it# If %o want to go to a
g%* or a s"a to se the eFi"*ent or enDo% so*e s?i!! s"orts sch as tennis
or racFet(a!!7 that=s an a))e) o""ortnit%# Bt it isn@t necessar% to shar"en
the saw#
A goo) e<ercise "rogra* is one that %o can )o in %or own ho*e an) one
that wi!! (i!) %or (o)% in three areasL en)rance7 f!e<i(i!it%7 an) strength#
En)rance co*es fro* aero(ic e<ercise7 fro* car)io$asc!ar efficienc%A
the a(i!it% of %or heart to "*" (!oo) throgh %or (o)%#
2KJ THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
A!thogh the heart is a *sc!e7 it cannot (e e<ercise) )irect!%# It can on!% (e
e<ercise) throgh the !arge *sc!e gro"s7 "artic!ar!% the !eg *sc!es#
That=s wh% e<ercises !i?e ra"i) wa!?ing7 rnning7 (i?ing7 swi**ing7 cross,
contr% s?iing7 an) Dogging are so (eneficia!#
Yo are consi)ere) *ini*a!!% fit if %o can increase %or heart rate to at
!east one hn)re) (eats "er *inte an) ?ee" it at that !e$e! for thirt%
*intes#
I)ea!!% %o sho!) tr% to raise %or heart rate to at !east si<t% "ercent of %or
*a<i** "!se rate7 the to" s"ee) %or heart can (eat an) sti!! "*" (!oo)
throgh %or (o)%# Yor *a<i** heart rate is genera!!% acce"te) to (e
22J !ess %or age# So7 if %o are 4J7 %o sho!) ai* for an e<ercise heart
rate of 1JI M22J , 4J b 1IJ < #8 b 1JIN# The Gtraining effectG is genera!!%
consi)ere) to (e (etween :2 an) I: "ercent of %or "ersona! *a<i** rate#
F!e<i(i!it% co*es throgh stretching# -ost e<"erts reco**en) war*ing "
(efore an) coo!ing )own5stretching after aero(ic e<ercise# Before7 it he!"s
!oosen an) war* the *sc!es to "re"are for *ore $igoros e<ercise# After7 it
he!"s to )issi"ate the !actic aci) so that %o )on@t fee! sore an) stiff#
Strength co*es fro* *sc!e resistance e<ercisesA!i?e si*"!e ca!isthenics7
"sh,"s7 "!!,"s7 an) sit,"s7 an) fro* wor?ing with weights# How *ch
e*"hasis %o "t on )e$e!o"ing strength )e"en)s on %or sitation# If %o@re
in$o!$e) in "h%sica! !a(or or ath!etic acti$ities7 increase) strength wi!!
i*"ro$e %or s?i!!# If %o ha$e a (asica!!% se)entar% Do( an) sccess in %or
!ife,st%!e )oes not reFire a !ot of strength7 a !itt!e toning throgh
ca!isthenics in a))ition to %or aero(ic an) stretching e<ercises *ight (e
sfficient#
I was in a g%* one ti*e with a frien) of *ine who has a Ph#&# in e<ercise
"h%sio!og%# He was focsing on (i!)ing strength# He as?e) *e to Gs"otG
hi* whi!e he )i) so*e (ench "resses an) to!) *e at a certain "oint he@) as?
*e to ta?e the weight# GBt )on@t ta?e it nti! I te!! %o7G he sai) fir*!%#
So I watche) an) waite) an) "re"are) to ta?e the weight# The 0eight went
" an) )own7 " an) )own# An) I co!) see it (egin to get har)er# Bt he
?e"t going# He wo!) start to "sh it " an) I@) thin?7 GThere@s no wa% he@s
going to *a?e it#G Bt he@) *a?e it# Then he@) s!ow!% (ring it (ac? )own an)
start (ac? " again# ." an) )own7 " an) )own#
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
2K1
Fina!!%7 as I !oo?e) at his face7 straining with the effort7 his $esse!s
"ractica!!% D*"ing ot of his s?in7 I thoght7 GThis is going to fa!! an)
co!!a"se his chest# -a%(e I sho!) ta?e he weight# -a%(e he@s !ost contro!
an) he )oesn@t e$en ?now what he@s )oing#G Bt he@) get it safe!% )own#
Then he@) start (ac?" again# I co!)n@t (e!ie$e it#
0hen he fina!!% to!) *e to ta?e the weight7 I sai)7 G0h% )i) wait so !ongBG
GA!*ost a!! the (enefit of the e<ercise co*es at the $er% e Ste"hen7G he
re"!ie)# GI@* tr%ing to (i!) strength# An) that )oesn@t ha""en nti! the
*sc!e fi(er r"tres an) the ner$e fi(er registers the "ain# Then natre
o$erco*"ensates an) within hors7 the fi(er is *a)e stronger#G
S
I co!) see his "oint# It@s the sa*e "rinci"!e that wor?s with e*otiona!
*sc!es as we!!7 sch as "atience# 0hen %o e<ercise %or "atience (e%on)
%or "ast !i*its7 the e*otiona! fi(er is (ro?en7 natre o$erco*"ensates7 an)
ne<t ti*e the fi(er is stronger
Now *% frien) wante) to (i!) *sc!ar strength# An) hi ?new how to )o
it# Bt not a!! of s nee) to )e$e!o" that ?in) strength to (e effecti$e# GNo
"ain7 no gainG has $a!i)it% in so*e circ*stances7 (t it is not the essence of
an effecti$e e<ercise "rogra*#
The essence of renewing the "h%sica! )i*ension is to shar"er the saw7 to
e<ercise or (o)ies on a reg!ar (asis in a wa% that wi!! "reser$e an)
enhance or ca"acit% to wor? an) a)a"t an) enDo%
An) we nee) to (e wise in )e$e!o"ing an e<ercise "rogra*# There@s a
ten)enc%7 es"ecia!!% if %o ha$en@t (een e<ercising at a!!7 to o$er)o# An) that
can create nnecessar% "ain7 inDr%7 an) e$en "er*anent )a*age# It@s (est to
start s!ow!%# An% e<ercise "rogra* sho!) (e in har*on% with4he !atest
research fin)ings7 with %or )octor@s reco**en)ations an) with %or own
se!f,awareness#
If %o ha$en@t (een e<ercising7 %or (o)% wi!! n)o(te)!% "rotest this
change in its co*forta(!e )ownhi!! )irection# Yo won@t !i?e it at first# Yo
*a% e$en hate it# Bt (e "roacti$e# &o it an%wa%# E$en if it@s raining on the
*orning %o@$e sche)!e) to Dog7 )o it an%wa%# GOh goo)H It@s rainingH I get
to )e$e!o" *% wi!!"ower as we!! as *% (o)%HG
Yo@re not )ea!ing with Fic? fi<E %o@re )ea!ing with a Xa)rant II acti$it%
that wi!! (ring "heno*ena! !ong,ter* res!ts# As? an%one who has )one it
consistent!%# Litt!e (% !itt!e7 %or resting "!se rate wi!! go )own as %or
heart an) o<%gen "rocessing
2K2 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
s%ste* (eco*es *ore efficient# As %o increase %or (o)%@s a(i!it% to )o
*ore )e*an)ing things7 %o@!! fin) %or nor*a! acti$ities *ch *ore
co*forta(!e an) "!easant# Yo@!! ha$e *ore afternoon energ%7 an) the
fatige %o@$e fe!t that@s *a)e %o Gtoo tire)G to e<ercise in the "ast wi!! (e
re"!ace) (% an energ% that wi!! in$igorate e$er%thing %o )o#
Pro(a(!% the greatest (enefit %o wi!! e<"erience fro* e<ercising wi!! (e the
)e$e!o"*ent of %or Ha(it 1 *sc!es of "ro,acti$it%# As %o act (ase) on
the $a!e of "h%sica! we!!,(eing instea) of reacting to a!! the forces that ?ee"
%o fro* e<ercising7 %or "ara)ig* of %orse!f7 %or se!f,estee*7 %or se!f,
confi)ence7 an) %or integrit% wi!! (e "rofon)!% affecte)#
The S"irita! &i*ension
Renewing the s"irita! )i*ension "ro$i)es !ea)ershi" to %or !ife# It@s high!%
re!ate) to Ha(it 2#
The s"irita! )i*ension is %or core7 %or center7 %or co**it*ent to %or
$a!e s%ste*# If s a $er% "ri$ate area of !ife an) a s"re*e!% i*"ortant one#
It )raws "on the sorces that ins"ire an) "!ift %o an) tie %o to the
ti*e!ess trths of a!! h*anit%# An) "eo"!e )o it $er%7 $er% )ifferent!%#
I fin) renewa! in )ai!% "ra%erf! *e)itation on the scri"tres (ecase the%
re"resent *% $a!e s%ste*# As I rea) an) *e)itate7 1 fee! renewe)7
strengthene)7 centere) an) reco**itte) to ser$e#
I**ersion in great !iteratre or great *sic can "ro$i)e a si*i!ar renewa! of
the s"irit for so*e# There are others who fin) it in the wa% the%
co**nicate with natre# Natre (eFeaths its own (!essing on those who
i**erse the*se!$es in it# 0hen %o@re a(!e to !ea$e the noise an) the
)iscor) of the cit% an) gi$e %orse!f " to the har*on% an) rh%th* of
natre7 %o co*e (ac? renewe)# For a ti*e7 %o@re n)istr(a(!e7 a!*ost
nf!a""a(!e7 nti! gra)a!!% the noise an) the )iscor) fro* otsi)e start to
in$a)e that sense of inner "eace#
Arthr Gor)on shares a won)erf!7 inti*ate stor% of his own s"irita!
renewa! in a !itt!e stor% ca!!e) GThe Trn of the Ti)e#G It te!!s of a ti*e in his
!ife when he (egan to fee! that e$er%thing was sta!e an) f!at# His enthsias*
wane)E his writing efforts were frit!ess# An) the sitation was growing
worse )a% (% )a%#
Fina!!%7 he )eter*ine) to get he!" fro* a *e)ica! )octor# O(ser$ing nothing
"h%sica!!% wrong7 the )octor as?e) hi* if he wo!) (e a(!e to fo!!ow his
instrctions for one )a%#
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
2K3
0hen Gor)on re"!ie) that he co!)7 the )octor to!) hi* to s"en) the
fo!!owing )a% in the "!ace where he was ha""iest as a chi!)# He co!) ta?e
foo)7 (t he was not to ta!? to an%one or to rea) or write or !isten to the
ra)io# He then wrote ot for "rescri"tions an) to!) hi* to o"en one at nine7
twe!$e7 three7 an) si< o@c!oc?#
GAre %o seriosBG Gor)on as?e) hi*#
GYo won@t thin? I@* Do?ing when %o get *% (i!!HG was the re"!%#
So the ne<t *orning7 Gor)on went to the (each# As he o"ene) the first
"rescri"tion7 he rea) GListen caref!!%#G He thoght the )octor was insane#
How co!) he !isten for three horsB Bt he ha) agree) to fo!!ow the )octor@s
or)ers7 so he !istene)# He hear) the sa! son)s of the sea an) the (ir)s#
After a whi!e7 he co!) hear the other son)s that weren@t so a""arent at first#
As he !istene)7 he (egan to thin? of !essons the sea ha) taght hi* as a chi!)
A"atience7 res"ect7 an awareness of the inter)e"en)ence of things# He
(egan to !isten to the son)sAan) the si!enceAan) to fee! a growing "eace#
At noon7 he o"ene) the secon) s!i" of "a"er an) rea) GTr% reaching (ac?#G
GReaching (ac? to whatBG he won)ere)# Perha"s to chi!)hoo)7 "erha"s to
*e*ories of ha""% ti*es# He thoght a(ot his "ast7 a(ot the *an% !itt!e
*o*ents of Do%# He trie) to re*e*(er the* with e<actness# An) in
re*e*(ering7 he fon) a growing war*th insi)e#
At three o@c!oc?7 he o"ene) the thir) "iece of "a"er# .nti! now7 the
"rescri"tions ha) (een eas% to ta?e# Bt this one was )ifferentE it sai)
GE<a*ine %or *oti$es#G At first he was )efensi$e# He thoght a(ot what
he wante)Asccess7 recognition7 secrit%A an) he Dstifie) the* a!!# Bt
then the thoght occrre) to hi* that those *oti$es weren@t goo) enogh7
an) that "erha"s therein was the answer to his stagnant sitation#
He consi)ere) his *oti$es )ee"!%# He thoght a(ot "ast ha""iness# An) at
!ast7 the answer ca*e to hi*#
GIn a f!ash of certaint%7G he wrote7 GI saw that if one@s *oti$es are wrong7
nothing can (e right# It *a?es no )ifference whether %o are a *ai!*an7 a
hair)resser7 an insrance sa!es*an7 a hosewifeAwhate$er# As !ong as %o
fee! %o are ser$ing others7 %o )o the Do( we!!# 0hen %o are concerne)
on!% with he!"ing %orse!f7 %o )o it !ess we!!Aa !aw as ine<ora(!e as
gra$it%#G
0hen si< o@c!oc? ca*e7 the fina! "rescri"tion )i)n@t ta?e !ong to fi!!# G0rite
%or worries on the san)7G it sai)# He ?ne!t an)

2K4 THE SEVEN HABnS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
wrote se$era! wor)s with a "iece of (ro?en she!!E then he trne) an) wa!?e)
awa%# He )i)n@t !oo? (ac?E he ?new the ti)e wo!) co*e in#
S"irita! renewa! ta?es an in$est*ent of ti*e# Bt it@s a Xa)rant II acti$it%
we )on@t rea!!% ha$e ti*e to neg!ect#
The great refor*er -artin Lther is Fote) as sa%ing7 GI ha$e so *ch to )o
to)a%7 I@!! nee) to s"en) another hor on *% ?nees#G To hi*7 "ra%er was not
a *echanica! )t% (t rather a sorce of "ower in re!easing an) *!ti"!%ing
his energies#
So*eone once inFire) of a Far Eastern 9en *aster7 who ha) a great
serenit% an) "eace a(ot hi* no *atter what "ressres he face)7 GHow )o
%o *aintain that serenit% an) "eaceBG He re"!ie)7 GI ne$er !ea$e *% "!ace
of *e)itation#G He *e)itate) ear!% in the *orning an) for the rest of the )a%7
he carrie) the "eace of those *o*ents with hi* in his *in) an) heart#
The i)ea is that when we ta?e ti*e to )raw on the !ea)ershi" center of or
!i$es7 what !ife is !ti*ate!% a!! a(ot7 it s"rea)s !i?e an *(re!!a o$er
e$er%thing e!se# It renews s7 it refreshes s7 "artic!ar!% if we reco**it to
it#
This is wh% I (e!ie$e a "ersona! *ission state*ent is so i*"ortant# If we
ha$e a )ee" n)erstan)ing of or center an) or "r"ose7 we can re$iew an)
reco**it to it freFent!%# In or )ai!% s"irita! renewa!7 we can $isa!iCe
an) G!i$e otG the e$ents of the )a% in har*on% with those $a!es#
Re!igios !ea)er &a$i) O# -c'a% taght7 GThe greatest (att!es of !ife are
foght ot )ai!% in the si!ent cha*(ers of the so!#G If %o win the (att!es
there7 if %o sett!e the isses that inwar)!% conf!ict7 %o fee! a sense of
"eace7 a sense of ?nowing what %o@re a(ot# An) %o@!! fin) that the "(!ic
$ictoriesAwhere %o ten) to thin? coo"erati$e!%7 to "ro*ote the we!fare
an) goo) of other "eo"!e7 an) to (e genine!% ha""% for other "eo"!e@s
sccessesAwi!! fo!!ow natra!!%#
The -enta! &i*ension
-ost of or *enta! )e$e!o"*ent an) st)% )isci"!ine co*es throgh for*a!
e)cation# Bt as soon as we !ea$e the e<terna! )isci"!ine of schoo!7 *an% of
s !et or *in)s atro"h%# 0e )on@t )o an% *ore serios rea)ing7 we )on@t
e<"!ore new s(Dects in an% rea! )e"th otsi)e or action fie!)s7 we )on@t
thin? ana!%tica!!%7 we )on@t writeAat !east not critica!!% or in a wa% that tests
or a(i!it%
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
2K6
to e<"ress orse!$es in )isti!!e)7 c!ear7 an) concise !angage# Instea)7 we
s"en) or ti*e watching TV#
Contining sr$e%s in)icate that te!e$ision is on in *ost ho*es so*e thirt%,
fi$e to fort%,fi$e hors a wee?# That@s as *ch ti*e as *an% "eo"!e "t into
their Do(s7 *ore than *ost "t into schoo!# It@s the *ost "owerf! socia!iCing
inf!ence there is# An) when we watch7 we@re s(Dect to a!! the $a!es that
are (eing taght throgh it# That can "owerf!!% inf!ence s in $er% s(t!e
an) i*"erce"ti(!e wa%s#
0is)o* in watching te!e$ision reFires the effecti$e se!f,*anage*ent of
Ha(it 37 which ena(!es %o to )iscri*inate an) to se!ect the infor*ing7
ins"iring7 an) entertaining "rogra*s which (est ser$e an) e<"ress %or
"r"ose an) $a!es#
In or fa*i!%7 we !i*it te!e$ision watching to aron) se$en hors a wee?7 an
a$erage of a(ot an hor a )a%# 0e ha) a fa*i!% conci! at which we ta!?e)
a(ot it an) !oo?e) at so*e of the )ata regar)ing what@s ha""ening in ho*es
(ecase of te!e$ision# 0e fon) that (% )iscssing it as a fa*i!% when no
one was )efensi$e or arg*entati$e7 "eo"!e starte) to rea!iCe the )e"en)ent
sic?ness of (eco*ing a))icte) to soa" o"eras or to a stea)% )iet of a
"artic!ar "rogra*#
I@* gratef! for te!e$ision an) for the *an% high Fa!it% e)cationa! an)
entertain*ent "rogra*s# The% can enrich or !i$es an) contri(te
*eaningf!!% to or "r"oses an) goa!s# Bt there ate *an% "rogra*s that
si*"!% waste or ti*e an) *in)s an) *an% that inf!ence s in negati$e
wa%s if we !et the*# Li?e the (o)%7 te!e$ision is a goo) ser$ant (t a "oor
*aster# 0e nee) to "ractice Ha(it 3 an) *anage orse!$es effecti$e!% to
*a<i*iCe the se of an% resorce in acco*"!ishing or *issions#
E)cationAcontining e)cation7 contina!!% honing an) e<"an)ing the
*in)Ais $ita! *enta! renewa!# So*eti*es that in$o!$es the e<terna!
)isci"!ine of the c!assroo* or s%ste*atiCe) st)% "rogra*sE *ore often it
)oes not# Proacti$e "eo"!e can figre ot *an%7 *an% wa%s to e)cate
the*se!$es#
It is e<tre*e!% $a!a(!e to train the *in) to stan) a"art an) e<a*ine its own
"rogra*7 That7 to *e7 is the )efinition of a !i(era! e)cationAthe a(i!it% to
e<a*ine the "rogra*s of !ife against !arger Festions an) "r"oses an) other
"ara)ig*s# Training7 withot sch e)cation7 narrows an) c!oses the *in)
so that the ass*"tions n)er!%ing the training are ne$er e<a*ine)# That@s
wh% it is so $a!a(!e to rea) (roa)!% an) to e<"ose %orse!f to great *in)s#
2K8
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
There@s no (etter wa% to infor* an) e<"an) %or *in) on a reg!ar (asis
than to get into the ha(it of rea)ing goo) !iteratre# That@s another high
!e$erage Xa)rant II acti$it%# Yo can get into the (est *in)s that are now
or that ha$e e$er (een in the wor!)# I high!% reco**en) starting with a goa!
of a (oo? a *onth7 then a (oo? e$er% two wee?s7 then a (oo? a wee?# GThe
"erson who )oesn@t rea) is no (etter off than the "erson who can@t rea)#G
Xa!it% !iteratre7 sch as the Great Boo?s7 the Har$ar) C!assics7
ato(iogra"hies7 Nationa! Geogra"hic an) other "(!ications that e<"an) or
c!tra! awareness7 an) crrent !iteratre in $arios fie!)s can e<"an) or
"ara)ig*s an) shar"en or *enta! saw7 "artic!ar!% if we "ractice Ha(it 6 as
we rea) an) see? first to n)erstan)# If we se or own ato(iogra"h% to
*a?e ear!% D)g*ents (efore we rea!!% n)erstan) what an athor has to sa%7
we !i*it the (enefits of the rea)ing e<"erience#
0riting is another "owerf! wa% to shar"en the *enta! saw# 'ee"ing a
Dorna! of or thoghts7 e<"eriences7 insights7 an) !earnings "ro*otes *enta!
c!arit%7 e<actness7 an) conte<t# 0riting goo) !ettersAco**nicating on the
)ee"er !e$e! of thoghts7 fee!ings7 an) i)eas rather than on the sha!!ow7
s"erficia! !e$e! of e$entsAa!so affects or a(i!it% to thin? c!ear!%7 to reason
accrate!%7 an) to (e n)erstoo) effecti$e!%#
OrganiCing an) "!anning re"resent other for*s of *enta! renewa! associate)
with Ha(its 2 an) 3# It@s (eginning with the en) in *in) an) (eing a(!e
*enta!!% to organiCe to acco*"!ish that en)# It@s e<ercising the $isa!iCing7
i*agining "ower of %or *in) to see the en) fro* the (eginning an) to see
the entire Dorne%7 at !east in "rinci"!es7 if not in ste"s#
It is sai) that wars are won in the genera!@s tent# Shar"ening the saw in the
first three )i*ensionsAthe "h%sica!7 the s"irita!7 an) the *enta!Ais a
"ractice I ca!! the G&ai!% Pri$ate Victor%#G An) I co**en) to %o the si*"!e
"ractice of s"en)ing one hor a )a% e$er% )a% )oing itAone hor a )a% for
the rest of %or !ife#
There@s no other wa% %o co!) s"en) an hor that wo!) (egin to co*"are
with the &ai!% Pri$ate Victor% in ter*s of $a!e an) res!ts# It wi!! affect
e$er% )ecision7 e$er% re!ationshi"# It wi!! great!% i*"ro$e the Fa!it%7 the
effecti$eness7 of e$er% other hor of the )a%7 inc!)ing the )e"th an)
restf!ness of %or s!ee"# It wi!! (i!) the !ong,ter* "h%sica!7 s"irita!7 an)
*enta! strength to ena(!e %o to han)!e )iffic!t cha!!enges in !ife#
In the wor)s of Phi!!i"s Broo?sL
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0 2K:
So*e )a%7 in the %ears to co*e7 %o wi!! (e wrest!ing with the great
te*"tation7 or tre*(!ing n)er the great sorrow of %or !ife# Bt the rea!
strgg!e is here7 now # # # Now it is (eing )eci)e) whether7 in the )a% of %or
s"re*e sorrow or te*"tation7 %o sha!! *isera(!% fai! or g!orios!%
conFer# Character cannot (e *a)e e<ce"t (% a stea)%7 !ong contine)
"rocess#
The Socia!5E*otiona! &i*ension
0hi!e the "h%sica!7 s"irita!7 an) *enta! )i*ensions are c!ose!% re!ate) to
Ha(its 17 27 an) 3Acentere) on the "rinci"!es of "ersona! $ision7 !ea)ershi"7
an) *anage*entAthe socia!5e*otiona! )i*ension focses on Ha(its 47 67
an) 8Acentere) on the "rinci"!es of inter"ersona! !ea)ershi"7 e*"athic
co**nication7 an) creati$e coo"eration#
The socia! an) the e*otiona! )i*ensions of or !i$es are tie) together
(ecase or e*otiona! !ife is "ri*ari!%7 (t not e<c!si$e!%7 )e$e!o"e) ot of
an) *anifeste) in or re!ationshi"s with others#
Renewing or socia!5e*otiona! )i*ension )oes not ta?e ti*e in the sa*e
sense that renewing the other )i*ensions )oes# 0e can )o it in or nor*a!
e$er%)a% interactions with other "eo"!e# Bt it )efinite!% reFires e<ercise#
0e *a% ha$e to "sh orse!$es (ecase *an% of s ha$e not achie$e) the
!e$e! of Pri$ate Victor% an) the s?i!!s of P(!ic Victor% necessar% for Ha(its
47 67 an) 8 to co*e natra!!% to s in a!! or interactions#
S""ose that %o are a ?e% "erson in *% !ife# Yo *ight (e *% (oss7 *%
s(or)inate7 *% cowor?er7 *% frien)7 *% neigh(or7 *% s"ose7 *% chi!)7 a
*e*(er of *% e<ten)e) fa*i!%Aan%one with who* I want or nee) to
interact# S""ose we nee) to co**nicate together7 to wor? together7 to
)iscss a Dg!ar isse7 to acco*"!ish a "r"ose or so!$e a "ro(!e*# Bt we
see things )ifferent!%E we@re !oo?ing throgh )ifferent g!asses# Yo see the
%ong !a)%7 an) I see the o!) wo*an#
So I "ractice Ha(it 4# I co*e to %o an) I sa%7 GI can see that we@re
a""roaching this sitation )ifferent!%# 0h% )on@t we agree to co**nicate
nti! we can fin) a so!tion we (oth fee! goo) a(ot 0o!) %o (e wi!!ing
to )o thatBG -ost "eo"!e wo!) (e wi!!ing to sa% G%esG to that#
Then I *o$e to Ha(it 6# GLet *e !isten to %o first#G Instea) of !istening with
intent to re"!%7 I !isten e*"athica!!% in or)er to )ee"!%7 thorogh!%
n)erstan) %or "ara)ig*# 0hen I can e<"!ain %or "oint of $iew as we!! as
%o can7 then I focs on co*,
2KI THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
*nicating *% "oint of $iew to %o so that %o can n)erstan) it as we!!#
Base) on the co**it*ent to search for a so!tion that we (oth fee! goo)
a(ot an) a )ee" n)erstan)ing of each other@s "oints of $iew7 we *o$e to
Ha(it 8# 0e wor? together to "ro)ce thir) a!ternati$e so!tions to or
)ifferences that we (oth recogniCe are (etter than the ones either %o or I
"ro"ose) initia!!%#
Sccess in Ha(its 47 67 an) 8 is not "ri*ari!% a *atter of inte!!ectE it@s
"ri*ari!% a *atter of e*otion# It@s high!% re!ate) to or sense of "ersona!
secrit%#
If or "ersona! secrit% co*es fro* sorces within orse!$es7 then we ha$e
the strength to "ractice the ha(its of P(!ic Victor%# If we are e*otiona!!%
insecre7 e$en thogh we *a% (e inte!!ecta!!% $er% a)$ance)7 "racticing
Ha(its 47 67 an) 8 with "eo"!e who thin? )ifferent!% on Dg!ar isses of !ife
can (e terri(!% threatening#
0here )oes intrinsic secrit% co*e fro*B It )oesn@t co*e fro* what other
"eo"!e thin? of s or how the% treat s# It )oesn@t co*e fro* the scri"ts
the%@$e han)e) s# It )oesn@t co*e fro* or circ*stances or or "osition#
It co*es fro* within# It co*es fro* accrate "ara)ig*s an) correct
"rinci"!es )ee" in or own *in) an) heart# It co*es fro* insi)e,ot
congrence7 fro* !i$ing a !ife of integrit% in which or )ai!% ha(its ref!ect
or )ee"est $a!es#
I (e!ie$e that a !ife of integrit% is the *ost fn)a*enta! sorce of "ersona!
worth# I )o not agree with the "o"!ar sccess !iteratre that sa%s that se!f,
estee* is "ri*ari!% a *atter of *in)set7 of attit)eAthat %o can "s%ch
%orse!f into "eace of *in)#
Peace of *in) co*es when %or !ife is in har*on% with tre "rinci"!es an)
$a!es an) in no other wa%#
There is a!so the intrinsic secrit% that co*es as a res!t of effecti$e
inter)e"en)ent !i$ing# There is secrit% in ?nowing that 0in50in so!tions
)o e<ist7 that !ife is not a!wa%s Geither5or7G that there are a!*ost a!wa%s
*ta!!% (eneficia! Thir) A!ternati$es# There is secrit% in ?nowing that %o
can ste" ot of %or own fra*e of reference withot gi$ing it "7 that %o
can rea!!%7 )ee"!% n)erstan) another h*an (eing# There is secrit% that
co*es when %o athentica!!%7 creati$e!% an) coo"erati$e!% interact with
other "eo"!e an) rea!!% e<"erience these inter)e"en)ent ha(its#
There is intrinsic secrit% that co*es fro* ser$ice fro* he!"ing other "eo"!e
in a *eaningf! wa% One i*"ortant sorce is %or wor?7 when %o see
%orse!f * a contri(ti$e an) creati$e *o)e7
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
2KK
rea!!% *a?ing a )ifference# Another sorce is anon%*os ser$iceA no one
?nows it an) no one necessari!% e$er wi!!# An) that@s not the concernE the
concern is (!essing the !i$es of other "eo"!e# Inf!ence7 not recognition7
(eco*es the *oti$e#
Vi?tor Fran?! focse) on the nee) for *eaning an) "r"ose in or !i$es7
so*ething that transcen)s or own !i$es an) ta"s the (est energies within s#
The !ate &r# Hans Se!%e7 in his *on*enta! research on stress7 (asica!!%
sa%s that a !ong7 hea!th%7 an) ha""% !ife is the res!t of *a?ing contri(tions7
of ha$ing *eaningf! "roDects that are "ersona!!% e<citing an) contri(te to
an) (!ess the !i$es of others# His ethic was Gearn th% neigh(or@s !o$e#G
In the wor)s of George Bernar) Shaw7
This is the tre Do% in !ifeAthat (eing se) for a "r"ose recogniCe) (%
%orse!f as a *ight% one# That (eing a force of natre7 instea) of a fe$erish7
se!fish !itt!e c!o) of ai!*ents an) grie$ances co*"!aining that the wor!) wi!!
not )e$ote itse!f to *a?ing %o ha""%# I a* of the o"inion that *% !ife
(e!ongs to the who!e co**nit% an) as !ong as I !i$e it is *% "ri$i!ege to )o
for it whate$er I can# I want to (e thorogh!% se) " when I )ie# For the
har)er I wor? the *ore I !i$e# I reDoice in !ife for its own sa?e# Life is no
(rief can)!e to *e# It@s a sort of s"!en)i) torch which I@$e got to ho!) " for
the *o*ent an) I want to *a?e it (rn as# (right!% as "ossi(!e (efore
han)ing it on to ftre generations#
N# E!)on Tanner has sai)7 GSer$ice is the rent we "a% for the "ri$i!ege of
!i$ing on this earth#G An) there are so *an% wa%s to ser$e# 0hether or not
we (e!ong to a chrch or ser$ice organiCation or ha$e a Do( that "ro$i)es
*eaningf! ser$ice o""ortnities7 not a )a% goes (% that we can@t at !east
ser$e one other h*an (eing (% *a?ing )e"osits of ncon)itiona! !o$e#
Scri"ting Others
-ost "eo"!e are a fnction of the socia! *irror7 scri"te) (% the o"tions7 the
"erce"tions7 the "ara)ig*s of the "eo"!e aron) the*# As inter)e"en)ent
"eo"!e7 %o an) I co*e fro* a "ara)ig* which inc!)es the rea!iCation that
we are a "art of that socia! *irror#
0e can choose to ref!ect (ac? to others a c!ear7 n)istorte) $ision of
the*se!$es# 0e can affir* their "roacti$e natre an) treat the*
3JJ THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
as res"onsi(!e "eo"!e# 0e can he!" scri"t the* as "rinci"!e,centere)7 $a!e,
(ase)7 in)e"en)ent7 worthwhi!e in)i$i)a!s# An)7 with the A(n)ance
-enta!it%7 we rea!iCe that gi$ing a "ositi$e ref!ection to others in no wa%
)i*inishes s# It increases s (ecase it increases the o""ortnities for
effecti$e interaction with other "roacti$e "eo"!e#
At so*e ti*e in %or !ife7 %o "ro(a(!% ha) so*eone (e!ie$e in %o when
%o )i)n@t (e!ie$e in %orse!f# The% scri"te) %o# &i) that *a?e a )ifference
in %or !ifeB
0hat if %o were a "ositi$e scri"ter7 an affir*er7 of other "eo"!eB 0hen
the%@re (eing )irecte) (% the socia! *irror to ta?e the !ower "ath7 %o ins"ire
the* towar) a higher "ath (ecase %o (e!ie$e in the*# Yo !isten to the*
an) e*"athiCe with the*# Yo )on@t a(so!$e the* of res"onsi(i!it%E %o
encorage the* to (e "roacti$e#
Perha"s %o are fa*i!iar with the *sica!7 -an of La -ancha# If s a
(eatif! stor% a(ot a *e)ie$a! ?night who *eets a wo*an of the street7 a
"rostitte# She@s (eing $a!i)ate) in her !ife,st%!e (% a!! of the "eo"!e in her
!ife#
Bt this "oet ?night sees so*ething e!se in her7 so*ething (eatif! an)
!o$e!%# He a!so sees her $irte7 an) he affir*s it7 o$er an) o$er again# He
gi$es her a new na*eA&!cineaAa new na*e associate) with a new
"ara)ig*#
At first7 she tter!% )enies itE her o!) scri"ts are o$er"owering# She writes
hi* off as a wi!),e%e) fantasiCer# Bt he is "ersistent# He *a?es contina!
)e"osits of ncon)itiona! !o$e an) gra)a!!% it "enetrates her scri"ting# It
goes )own into her tre natre7 her "otentia!7 an) she starts to res"on)# Litt!e
(% !itt!e7 she (egins to change her !ife,st%!e# She (e!ie$es it an) she acts fro*
her new "ara)ig*7 to the initia! )is*a% of e$er%one e!se in her !ife#
Later7 when she (egins to re$ert to her o!) "ara)ig*7 he ca!!s her to his
)eath(e) an) sings that (eatif! song7 GThe I*"ossi(!e &rea*7G !oo?s her
in the e%es7 an) whis"ers7 GNe$er forget7 %o@re &!cinea#G
One of the c!assic stories in the fie!) of se!f,f!fi!!ing "ro"hecies is of a
co*"ter in Eng!an) that was acci)enta!!% "rogra**e) incorrect!%# In
aca)e*ic ter*s7 it !a(e!e) a c!ass of G(rightG ?i)s G)*(G ?i)s an) a c!ass of
s""ose)!% @G)*(G ?i)s G(right#G An) that co*"ter re"ort was the "ri*ar%
criterion that create)
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
3J1
the teachers@ "ara)ig*s a(ot their st)ents at the (eginning of the %ear#
0hen the a)*inistration fina!!% )isco$ere) the *ista?e fi$e an) a ha!f
*onths !ater7 the% )eci)e) to test the ?i)s again withot te!!ing an%one what
ha) ha""ene)# An) the res!ts were a*aCing# The G(rightG ?i)s ha) gone
)own significant!% in IX test "oints# The% ha) (een seen an) treate) as
*enta!!% !i*ite)7 ncoo"erati$e7 an) )iffic!t to teach# The teachers@
"ara)ig*s ha) (eco*e a se!f,f!fi!!ing "ro"hec%#
Bt scores in the s""ose)!% G)*(G gro" ha) gone "# The teachers ha)
treate) the* as thogh the% were (right7 an) their energ%7 their ho"e7 their
o"ti*is*7 their e<cite*ent ha) ref!ecte) high in)i$i)a! e<"ectations an)
worth for those ?i)s#
These teachers were as?e) what it was !i?e )ring the first few wee?s of the
ter*# GFor so*e reason7 or *etho)s weren@t wor?ing7G the% re"!ie)# GSo we
ha) to change or *etho)s#G The infor*ation showe) that the ?i)s were
(right# If things weren@t wor?ing we!!7 the% figre) it ha) to (e the teaching
*etho)s# So the% wor?e) on *etho)s# The% were "roacti$eE the% wor?e) in
their Circ!e of Inf!ence# A""arent !earner )isa(i!it% was nothing *ore or
!ess than teacher inf!e<i(i!it%#
0hat )o we ref!ect to others a(ot the*se!$esB An) how *ch )oes that
ref!ection inf!ence their !i$esB 0e ha$e so *ch we can in$est in the
E*otiona! Ban? Acconts of other "eo"!e# The *ore we can see "eo"!e in
ter*s of their nseen "otentia!7 the *ore we can se or i*agination rather
than or *e*or%7 with or s"ose7 or chi!)ren7 or cowor?ers or
e*"!o%ees# 0e can refse to !a(e! the*Awe can GseeG the* in new fresh
wa%s each ti*e we@re with the*# 0e can he!" the* (eco*e in)e"en)ent7
f!fi!!e) "eo"!e ca"a(!e of )ee"!% satisf%ing7 enriching7 an) "ro)cti$e
re!ationshi"s with others#
Goethe taght7 GTreat a *an as he is an) he wi!! re*ain as he is Treat a *an
as he can an) sho!) (e an) he wi!! (eco*e as he car an) sho!) (e#G
Ba!ance in Renewa!
The se!f,renewa! "rocess *st inc!)e (a!ance) renewa! in a!! for
)i*ensions of or natreL the "h%sica!7 the s"irita!7 the *enta!7 an) the
socia!5e*otiona!#
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
3J2
A!thogh renewa! in each )i*ension is i*"ortant7 it on!% (eco*es o"ti*a!!%
effecti$e as we )ea! with a!! for )i*ensions in a wise an) (a!ance) wa%# To
neg!ect an% one area negati$e!% i*"acts the rest#
I ha$e fon) this to (e tre in organiCations as we!! as in in)i$i)a! !i$es# In
an organiCation7 the "h%sica! )i*ension is e<"resse) in econo*ic ter*s# The
*enta! or "s%cho!ogica! )i*ension )ea!s with the recognition7 )e$e!o"*ent7
an) se of ta!ent# The socia!5e*otiona! )i*ension has to )o with h*an
re!ations5 with how "eo"!e are treate)# An) the s"irita! )i*ension )ea!s
with fin)ing *eaning throgh "r"ose or contri(tion an) throgh
organiCationa! integrit%#
0hen an organiCation neg!ects an% one or *ore of these areas7 it negati$e!%
i*"acts the entire organiCation# The creati$e energies that co!) res!t in
tre*en)os7 "ositi$e s%nerg% are instea) se) to fight against the
organiCation an) (eco*e restraining forces to growth an) "ro)cti$it%#
I ha$e fon) organiCations whose on!% thrst is econo*icAto *a?e *one%#
The% sa!!% )on@t "(!iciCe that "r"ose# The% so*eti*es e$en "(!iciCe
so*ething e!se# Bt in their hearts7 their on!% )esire is to *a?e *one%#
0hene$er I fin) this7 I a!so fin) a great )ea! of negati$e s%nerg% in the
c!tre7 generating sch things as inter)e"art*enta! ri$a!ries7 )efensi$e an)
"rotecti$e co**nication7 "o!itic?ing7 an) *aster*in)ing# 0e can@t
effecti$e!% thri$e withot *a?ing *one%7 (t that=s not sfficient reason for
organiCationa! e<istence# 0e can@t !i$e withot eating7 (t we )on@t !i$e to
eat#
At the other en) of the s"ectr*7 I@$e seen organiCations that focse) a!*ost
e<c!si$e!% on the socia!5e*otiona! )i*ension# The% are7 in a sense7 so*e
?in) of socia! e<"eri*ent an) the% ha$e no econo*ic criteria to their $a!e
s%ste*# The% ha$e no *easre or gage of their effecti$eness7 an) as a
res!t7 the% !ose a!! ?in)s of efficiencies an) e$enta!!% their $ia(i!it% in the
*ar?et"!ace#
I ha$e fon) *an% organiCations that )e$e!o" as *an% as three of the
)i*ensionsAthe% *a% ha$e goo) ser$ice criteria7 goo) econo*ic criteria7
an) goo) h*an re!ations criteria7 (t the% are not rea!!% co**itte) to
i)entif%ing7 )e$e!o"ing7 ti!iCing7 an) recogniCing the ta!ent of "eo"!e# An)
if these "s%cho!ogica! forces are *issing7 the st%!e wi!! (e a (ene$o!ent
atocrac% an) the res!ting c!tre wi!! ref!ect )ifferent for*s of co!!ecti$e
resistance7 a)$ersaria!is*7 e<cessi$e trno$er7 an) other )ee"7 chronic7
c!tra! "ro(!e*s#
HaBIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
3J3
OrganiCationa! as we!! as in)i$i)a! effecti$eness reFires )e$e!o"*ent an)
renewa! of a!! for )i*ensions in a wise an) (a!ance) wa%# An% )i*ension
that is neg!ecte) wi!! create negati$e force fie!) resistance that "shes
against effecti$eness an) growth# OrganiCations an) in)i$i)a!s that gi$e
recognition to each of these for )i*ensions in their *ission state*ent
"ro$i)e a "owerf! fra*ewor? for (a!ance) renewa!#
This "rocess of continos i*"ro$e*ent is the ha!!*ar? of the Tota! Xa!it%
-o$e*ent an) a ?e% to >a"an@s econo*ic ascen)anc%#
S%nerg% in Renewa!
Ba!ance) renewa! is o"ti*a!!% s%nergetic# The things %o )o to shar"en the
saw in an% one )i*ension ha$e "ositi$e i*"act in other )i*ensions (ecase
the% are so high!% interre!ate)# Yor "h%sica! hea!th affects %or *enta!
hea!thE %or s"irita! strength affects %or socia!5e*otiona! strength# As %o
i*"ro$e in one )i*ension7 %o increase %or a(i!it% in other )i*ensions as
we!!#
The Se$en Ha(its of High!% Effecti$e Peo"!e create o"ti** s%nerg%
a*ong these )i*ensions# Renewa! in an% )i*ension increases %or a(i!it% to
!i$e at !east one of the Se$en Ha(its# An) a!thogh the ha(its are seFentia!7
i*"ro$e*ent in one ha(it s%nergetica!!% increases %or a(i!it% to !i$e the
rest#
The *ore "roacti$e %o are MHa(it 1N7 the *ore effecti$e!% %o can e<ercise
"ersona! !ea)ershi" MHa(it 2N an) *anage*ent MHa(it 3N in %or !ife# The
*ore effecti$e!% %o *anage %or !ife MHa(it 3N7 the *ore Xa)rant II
renewing acti$ities %o can )o MHa(it :N# The *ore %o see? first to
n)erstan) MHa(it 6N7 the *ore effecti$e!% %o can go for s%nergetic
0in50in so!tions MHa(its 4 an) 8N# The *ore %o i*"ro$e in an% of the
ha(its that !ea) to in)e"en)ence MHa(its 17 27 an) 3N7 the *ore effecti$e %o
wi!! (e in inter)e"en)ent sitations MHa(its 47 67 an) 8N# An) renewa! MHa(it
:N is the "rocess of renewing a!! the ha(its#
As %o renew %or "h%sica! )i*ension7 %o reinforce %or "ersona! $ision
MHa(it 1N7 the "ara)ig* of %or own se!f,awareness an) free wi!!7 of
"roacti$it%7 of ?nowing that %o are free to act instea) of (eing acte) "on7
to choose %or own res"onse to an% sti*!s# This is "ro(a(!% the greatest
(enefit of "h%sica! e<ercise# Each &ai!% Pri$ate Victor% *a?es a )e"osit in
%or "ersona! intrinsic secrit% accont#
As %o renew %or s"irita! )i*ension7 %o reinforce %or
3J4 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
"ersona! !ea)ershi" MHa(it 2N# Yo increase %or a(i!it% to !i$e ot of %or
i*agination an) conscience instea) of on!% %or *e*or%7 to )ee"!%
n)erstan) %or inner*ost "ara)ig*s anc3 $a!es7 to create within %orse!f
a center of correct "rinci"!es7 to )efine %or own niFe *ission in !ife7 to
rescri"t %orse!f to !i$e %or !ife in har*on% with correct "rinci"!es an) to
)raw "on %or "ersona! sorces of strength# The rich "ri$ate !ife %o create
in s"irita! renewa! *a?es tre*en)os )e"osits in %or "ersona! secrit%
accont#
As %o renew %or *enta! )i*ension7 %o reinforce %or "ersona!
*anage*ent MHa(it 3N# As %o "!an7 %o force %or *in) to recogniCe high
!e$erage Xa)rant II acti$ities7 "riorit% goa!s7 an) acti$ities to *a<i*iCe the
se of %or ti*e an) energ%7 an) %o organiCe an) e<ecte %or acti$ities
aron) %or "riorities# As %o (eco*e in$o!$e) in contining e)cation5
%o increase %or ?now!e)ge (ase an) %o increase %or o"tions# Yor
econo*ic secrit% )oes not !ie in %or Do(E it !ies in %or own "ower to
"ro)ceAto thin?7 to !earn7 to create7 to a)a"t# That@s tre financia!
in)e"en)ence# It@s not ha$ing wea!thE it@s ha$ing the "ower to "ro)ce
wea!th# It@s intrinsic#
The &ai!% Pri$ate Victor%Aa *ini** of one hor a )a% in renewa! of the
"h%sica!7 s"irita!7 an) *enta! )i*ensionsAis the ?e% to the )e$e!o"*ent of
the Se$en Ha(itO an) it@s co*"!ete!% within %or Circ!e of Inf!ence# It is the
Xa)rant II focs ti*e necessar% to integrate these ha(its into %or !ife7 to
(eco*e "rinci"!e,centere)#
It@s a!so the fon)ation for the &ai!% P(!ic Victor%# It@s the sorce of
intrinsic secrit% %o nee) to shar"en the saw in the socia!5e*otiona!
)i*ension# It gi$es %o the "ersona! strength to focs on %or Circ!e of
Inf!ence in inter)e"en)ent sitationsAto !oo? at others throgh the
A(n)ance -enta!it% "ara)ig*7 to genine!% $a!e their )ifferences an) to
(e ha""% for their sccess# It gi$es %o the fon)ation to wor? for genine
n)erstan)ing an) for s%nergetic 0in50in so!tions7 to "ractice Ha(its 4767
an) 8 in an inter)e"en)ent rea!it%#
The ."war) S"ira!
Renewa! is the "rinci"!eAan) the "rocessAthat e*"owers s to *o$e on an
"war) s"ira! of growth an) change7 of continos i*"ro$e*ent#
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
3J6
To *a?e *eaningf! an) consistent "rogress a!ong that s"ira!7 we nee) to
consi)er one other as"ect of renewa! as it a""!ies to the niFe h*an
en)ow*ent that )irects this "war) *o$e*ent,tor conscience# In the wor)s
of -a)a*e )e Stae!7 GThe $oice or conscience is so )e!icate that it is eas% to
stif!e itL (t it is a!so so c!ear that it is i*"ossi(!e to *ista?e it#G
Conscience is the en)ow*ent that senses or congrence or )is"arit% with
correct "rinci"!es an) !ifts s towar) the*Awhen it@s in sha"e#
>st as the e)cation of ner$e an) sinew is $ita! to the e<ce!!ent ath!ete an)
e)cation of the *in) is $ita! to the scho!ar7 e)cation of the conscience is
$ita! to the tr!% "roacti$e7 high!% effecti$e "erson# Training an) e)cating
the conscience7 howe$er7 reFires e$en greater concentration7 *ore (a!ance)
)isci"!ine7 *ore consistent!% honest !i$ing# It reFires reg!ar feasting on
ins"iring !iteratre7 thin?ing no(!e thoghts an)7 a(o$e a!!7 !i$ing in har,
*on% with its sti!! s*a!! $oice#
>st as Dn? foo) an) !ac? of e<ercise can rin an ath!ete@s con)ition7 those
things that are o(scene7 cr)e7 or "ornogra"hic can (ree) an inner )ar?ness
that n*(s or higher sensi(i!ities an) s(stittes the socia! conscience of
G0i!! I (e fon) otBG for the natra! or )i$ine conscience of G0hat is right
an) wrongBG
In the wor)s of &ag Ha**ars?Do!)7
Yo cannot "!a% with the ani*a! in %o withot (eco*ing who!!% ani*a!7
"!a% with fa!sehoo) withot forfeiting %or right to trth7 "!a% with cre!t%
withot !osing %or sensiti$it% of *in)# He who wants to ?ee" his gar)en
ti)% )oesn@t reser$e a "!ot for wee)s
Once we are se!f,aware7 we *st choose "r"oses an) "rinci"!es to !i$e (%E
otherwise the $ac* wi!! (e fi!!e)7 an) we wi!! !ose or se!f,awareness an)
(eco*e !i?e gro$e!ing ani*a!s who !i$e "ri*ari!% for sr$i$a! an)
"ro"agation# Peo"!e who e<ist on that !e$e! aren@t !i$ingE the% are G(eing
!i$e)#G The% are reacting7 naware of the niFe en)ow*ents that !ie
)or*ant an) n)e$e!o"e) within#
An) there is no shortct in )e$e!o"ing the*# The !aw of the har$est go$ernsE
we wi!! a!wa%s rea" what we sowAno *ore7 no !ess# The !aw of Dstice is
i**ta(!e7 an) the c!oser we a!ign orse!$es with correct "rinci"!es7 the
(etter or D)g*ent wi!! (e a(ot how the wor!) o"erates an) the *ore
accrate or "ara)ig*sAor *a"s of the territor%Awi!! (e#
3J8
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
I (e!ie$e that as we grow an) )e$e!o" on this "war) s"ira!7 we *st show
)i!igence in the "rocess of renewa! (% e)cating an) o(e%ing or
conscience# An increasing!% e)cate) conscience wi!! "ro"e! s a!ong the
"ath of "ersona! free)o*7 secrit%7 wis)o*7 an) "ower#
-o$ing a!ong the "war) s"ira! reFires s to !earn7 co**it7 an) )o on
increasing!% higher "!anes# 0e )ecei$e orse!$es if we thin? that an% one of
these is sfficient# To ?ee" "rogressing7 we *st !earn7 co**it7 an) )oA
!earn7 co**it7 an) )oAan) !earn7 co**it7 an) )o again#
A""!ication SggestionsL
1# -a?e a !ist of acti$ities that wo!) he!" %o ?ee" in goo) "h%sica! sha"e7
that wo!) fit %or !ife,st%!e an) that %o co!) enDo% o$er ti*e#
2# Se!ect one of the acti$ities an) !ist it as a goa! in %or "ersona! ro!e area
for the co*ing wee?# At the en) of the wee? e$a!ate %or
HABIT : SHARPEN THE SA0
3J:
"erfor*ance# If %o )i)n@t *a?e %or goa!7 was it (ecase %o s(or)inate)
it to a genine!% higher $a!eB Or )i) %o fai! to act with integrit% to %or
$a!esB
3# -a?e a si*i!ar !ist of renewing acti$ities in %or s"irita! an) *enta!
)i*ensions# In %or socia!,e*otiona! area7 !ist re!ationshi"s %o wo!) !i?e
to i*"ro$e or s"ecific circ*stances in which P(!ic Victor% wo!) (ring
greater effecti$eness# Se!ect one ite* in each area to !ist as a goa! for the
wee?# I*"!e*ent an) e$a!ate#
4# Co**it to write )own s"ecific Gshar"en the sawG acti$ities in a!! for
)i*ensions e$er% wee?7 to )o the*7 an) to e$a!ate %or "erfor*ance an)
res!ts#
3JK
Insi)e,Ot Again
The Lor) wor?s fro* the insi)e ot# The wor!) wor?s fro* the otsi)e in#
The wor!) wo!) ta?e "eo"!e ot of the s!*s# Christ ta?es the s!*s ot of
"eo"!e7 an) then the% ta?e the*se!$es ot of the s!*s# The wor!) wo!)
*o!) *en (% changing their en$iron*ent# Christ changes *en7 who then
change their en$iron*ent# The wor!) wo!) sha"e h*an (eha$ior7 (t
Christ can change h*an natre#
ECra Taft Benson
I wo!) !i?e to share with %o a "ersona! stor% which 1 fee! contains the
essence of this (oo?# In )oing so7 it is *% ho"e that %o wi!! re!ate to the
n)er!%ing "rinci"!es it contains#
So*e %ears ago7 or fa*i!% too? a sa((atica! !ea$e fro* the ni$ersit%
where I taght so that I co!) write# 0e !i$e) for a f!! %ear in Laie on the
north shore of Oah7 Hawaii#
Short!% after getting sett!e)7 we )e$e!o"e) a !i$ing an) wor?ing rotine
which was not on!% $er% "ro)cti$e (t e<tre*e!% "!easant#
After an ear!% *orning rn on the (each7 we wo!) sen) two of or chi!)ren7
(arefoot an) in shorts7 to schoo!# I went to an iso!ate) (i!)ing ne<t to the
canefie!)s where I ha) an office to )o *% writing# It was $er% Fiet7 $er%
(eatif!7 $er% sereneAno "hone7 no *eetings7 no "ressing engage*ents#
-% office was on the otsi)e e)ge of a co!!ege7 an) one )a% as I was
wan)ering (etween stac?s of (oo?s in the (ac? of the co!!ege !i(rar%7 I ca*e
across a (oo? that )rew *% interest# As I o"ene) it7
31J THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
*% e%es fe!! "on a sing!e "aragra"h that "owerf!!% inf!ence)
the rest of *% !ife#
I rea) the "aragra"h o$er an) o$er again# It (asica!!% containe) the si*"!e
i)ea that there is a ga" or a s"ace (etween sti*!s an) res"onse7 an) that
the ?e% to (oth or growth an) ha""iness is how we se that s"ace#
I can har)!% )escri(e the effect that i)ea ha) on *% *in)# Thogh I ha) (een
nrtre) in the "hi!oso"h% of se!f,)eter*inis* the wa% the i)ea was "hrase)
AGa ga" (etween sti*!s an) res"onseGAhit *e with fresh7 a!*ost
n(e!ie$a(!e force# It was a!*ost !i?e G?nowing it for the first ti*e7G !i?e an
inwar) re$o!tion7 Gan i)ea whose ti*e ha) co*e#G
I ref!ecte) on it again an) again7 an) it (egan to ha$e a "owerf! effect on
*% "ara)ig* of !ife# It was as if I ha) (eco*e an o(ser$er of *% own
"artici"ation# I (egan to stan) in that ga" an) to !oo? otsi)e at the sti*!i# I
re$e!e) in the inwar) sense of free)o* to choose *% res"onseAe$en to
(eco*e the sti*!s7 or at !east to inf!ence itAe$en to re$erse it#
Short!% thereafter7 an) "art!% as a res!t of this Gre$o!tionar% i)ea7 San)ra
an) I (egan a "ractice of )ee" co**nication wo!) "ic? her " a !itt!e
(efore noon on an o!) re) Hon)a w trai! c%c!e7 an) we wo!) ta?e or two
"reschoo! chi!)ren with sAone (etween s an) the other on *% !eft ?nee,
as we ro)e ot in the canefie!)s (% *% office# 0e ro)e s!ow!% a!ong for
a(ot an hor7 Dst ta!?ing#
The chi!)ren !oo?e) forwar) to the ri)e an) har)!% e$er *a)e an% noise# 0e
se!)o* saw another $ehic!e7 an) the c%c!e was so Fiet we co!) easi!% hear
each other# 0e sa!!% en)e) " on art iso!ate) (each where we "ar?e) the
Hon)a an) wa!?e) a(ot 2JJ %ar)s to a sec!)e) s"ot where we ate a "icnic
!nch#
The san)% (each an) a freshwater ri$er co*ing off the is!an) tota!!%
a(sor(e) the interest of the chi!)ren7 so San)ra an) 1were a(!e to contine
or ta!?s ninterr"te)# Perha"s it )oesn=t ta?e too *ch i*agination to
en$ision the !e$e! of n)erstan)ing an) trst we were a(!e to reach (%
s"en)ing at !east two hors a )a%7 e$er% )a%7 for a f!! %ear in )ee"
co**nication#
At the $er% first of the %ear7 we ta!?e) a(ot a!! ?in)s of interesting to"ics,
"eo"!e7 i)eas7 e$ents7 the chi!)ren7 *% writing7 or fa*i!% at ho*e7 ftre
"!ans7 an) so forth# Bt !itt!e (% !itt!e7 or co**nication )ee"ene) an) we
(egan to ta!? *ore an) *ore a(ot or interna! wor!)sAa(ot or
"(ringing7 or scri"ting7
INSI&E,O.T AGAIN
311
or fee!ings an) se!f,)o(ts# As we were )ee"!% i**erse) in these
co**nications7 we a!so o(ser$e) the* an) o(ser$e) orse!$es in the*#
0e (egan to se that s"ace (etween sti*!s an) res"onse in so*e new an)
interesting wa%s which case) s to thin? a(ot how we were "rogra**e)
an) how those "rogra*s sha"e) how we saw the wor!)#
0e (egan an e<citing a)$entre into or interior wor!)s an) fon) it to (e
*ore e<citing7 *ore fascinating7 *ore a(sor(ing7 *ore co*"e!!ing7 *ore
fi!!e) with )isco$er% an) insight than an%thing we@) e$er ?nown in the
otsi)e wor!)#
It wasn@t a!! Gsweetness an) !ight#G 0e occasiona!!% hit so*e raw ner$es an)
ha) so*e "ainf! e<"eriences7 e*(arrassing e<"eriences7 se!f,re$ea!ing
e<"eriencesAe<"eriences that *a)e s e<tre*e!% o"en an) $!nera(!e to
each other# An) %et we fon) we ha) (een wanting to go into those things
for %ears# 0hen we )i) go into the )ee"er7 *ore ten)er isses an) then ca*e
ot of the*7 we fe!t in so*e wa% hea!e)#
0e were so initia!!% s""orti$e an) he!"f!7 so encoraging an) e*"athic to
each other7 that we nrtre) an) faci!itate) these interna! )isco$eries in each
other#
0e gra)a!!% e$o!$e) two ns"o?en gron) r!es# The first was Gno
"ro(ing#G As soon as we nfo!)e) the inner !a%ers of $!nera(i!it%7 we were
not to Festion each other7 on!% to e*"athiCe# Pro(ing was si*"!% too
in$asi$e# It was a!so too contro!!ing an) too !ogica!# 0e were co$ering new7
)iffic!t terrain that was scar% an) ncertain7 an) it stirre) " fears an)
)o(ts# 0e wante) to co$er *ore an) *ore of it7 (t we grew to res"ect the
nee) to !et each other o"en " in or own ti*e#
The secon) gron) r!e was that when it hrt too *ch7 when it was "ainf!7
we wo!) si*"!% Fit for the )a%# Then we wo!) either (egin the ne<t )a%
where we !eft off or wait nti! the "erson who was sharing fe!t rea)% to
contine# 0e carrie) aron) the !oose en)s7 ?nowing that we wante) to )ea!
with the*# Bt (ecase we ha) the ti*e an) the en$iron*ent con)ci$e to
it7 an) (ecase we were so e<cite) to o(ser$e or own in$o!$e*ent an) to
grow within or *arriage7 we si*"!% ?new that sooner or !ater we wo!)
)ea! with a!! those !oose en)s an) (ring the* to so*e ?in) of c!osre#
The *ost )iffic!t7 an) e$enta!!% the *ost fritf! "art of this ?in) of
co**nication ca*e when *% $!nera(i!it% an) San)ra@s $!nera(i!it%
toche)# Then7 (ecase of or s(Decti$e in$o!$e*ent7 we fon) that the
s"ace (etween sti*!s an) res"onse was
312 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
no !onger there# A few (a) fee!ings srface)# Bt or )ee" )esire an) or
i*"!icit agree*ent was to "re"are orse!$es to start where we !eft off an)
)ea! with those fee!ings nti! we reso!$e) the*#
One of those )iffic!t ti*es ha) to )o with a (asic ten)enc% in *%
"ersona!it%# -% father was a $er% "ri$ate in)i$i)a!A$er% contro!!e) an)
$er% caref!# -% *other was an) is $er% "(!ic7 $er% o"en7 $er%
s"ontaneos# I fin) (oth sets of ten)encies in *e7 an) when I fee! insecre7 I
ten) to (eco*e "ri$ate7 !i?e *% father# I !i$e insi)e *%se!f an) safe!%
o(ser$e#
San)ra is *ore !i?e *% *otherAsocia!7 athentic7 an) s"ontaneos# 0e ha)
gone throgh *an% e<"eriences o$er the %ears in which I fe!t her o"enness
was ina""ro"riate7 an) she fe!t *% constraint was )%sfnctiona!7 (oth
socia!!% an) to *e as an in)i$i)a! (ecase I wo!) (eco*e insensiti$e to
the fee!ings of others# A!! of this an) *ch *ore ca*e ot )ring those )ee"
$isits# I ca*e to $a!e San)ra@s insight an) wis)o* an) the wa% -e he!"e)
*e to (e a *ore o"en7 gi$ing7 sensiti$e7 socia! "erson#
Another of those )iffic!t ti*es ha) to )o with what I "ercei$e) to (e a
Ghang "G San)ra ha) which ha) (othere) *e for %ears# She see*e) to ha$e
an o(session a(ot Frigi)aire a""!iances which 1 was at an a(so!te !oss to
n)erstan)# She wo!) not e$en consi)er (%ing another (ran) of a""!iance#
E$en when we were Dst starting ot an) on a $er% tight ()get7 she insiste)
that we )ri$e the fift% *i!es to the G(ig cit%G where Frigi)aire a""!iances
were so!)7 si*"!% (ecase no )ea!er in or s*a!! ni$ersit% town carrie)
the* at that ti*e#
This was a *atter of consi)era(!e agitation to *e# Fortnate!%7 the sitation
ca*e " on!% when we "rchase) an a""!iance# Bt when it )i) co*e "7 it
was !i?e a sti*!s that triggere) off a hot (tton res"onse# This sing!e isse
see*e) to (e s%*(o!ic of a!! irrationa! thin?ing7 an) it generate) a who!e
range of negati$e fee!ings within *e#
I sa!!% resorte) to *% )%sfnctiona! "ri$ate (eha$ior# I s""ose 1 figre)
that the on!% wa% I co!) )ea! with it was not to )ea! with itE otherwise7 1 fe!t
I wo!) !ose contro! an) sa% things I sho!)n@t sa% There were ti*es when I
)i) s!i" an) sa% so*ething negati$e7 an) I ha) to go (ac? an) a"o!ogiCe#
0hat (othere) *e the *ost was not that she !i?e) Frigi)aire7 (t that she
"ersiste) in *a?ing what I consi)ere) tter!% i!!ogica! an) in)efensi(!e
state*ents to )efen) Frigi)aire which ha) no (asis in fact whatsoe$er# If she
ha) on!% agree) that her res"onse
INSI&E,O.T AGAIN
313
was irrationa! an) "re!% e*otiona!7 I thin? I co!) ha$e han)!e) it# Bt her
Dstification was "setting#
It was so*eti*e in ear!% s"ring when the Frigi)aire isse ca*e "# A!! or
"rior co**nication ha) "re"are) s# The gron) r!es ha) (een )ee"!%
esta(!ishe)Anot to "ro(e an) to !ea$e it a!one if it got to (e too "ainf! for
either or (oth#
1 wi!! ne$er forget the )a% we ta!?e) it throgh# 0e )i)n@t en) " on the
(each that )a%E we Dst contine) to ri)e throgh the canefie!)s7 "erha"s
(ecase we )i)n@t want to !oo? each other in the e%e# There ha) (een so
*ch "s%chic histor% an) so *an% (a) fee!ings associate) with the isse7
an) it ha) (een s(*erge) for so !ong# It ha) ne$er (een so critica! as to
r"tre the re!ationshi"7 (t when %o@re tr%ing to c!ti$ate a (eatif!
nifie) re!ationshi"7 an% )i$isi$e isse is i*"ortant#
San)ra an) I were a*aCe) at what we !earne) throgh the interaction# It was
tr!% s%nergistic# It was as if San)ra were !earning7 a!*ost for the first ti*e
herse!f7 the reason for her so,ca!!e) hang,"# She starte) to ta!? a(ot her
father7 a(ot how he ha) wor?e) as a high schoo! histor% teacher an) coach
for %ears7 an) how7 to he!" *a?e en)s *eet7 he ha) gone into the a""!iance
(siness# &ring an econo*ic )owntrn7 he ha) e<"erience) serios
financia! )iffic!ties7 an) the on!% thing that ena(!e) hi* to sta% in (siness
)ring that ti*e was the fact that Frigi)aire wo!) finance his in$entor%#
San)ra ha) an nsa!!% )ee" an) sweet re!ationshi" with her father# 0hen
he retrne) ho*e at the en) of a $er% tiring )a%7 he wo!) !ie on the coch7
an) San)ra wo!) r( his feet an) sing to hi*# It was a (eatif! ti*e the%
enDo%e) together a!*ost )ai!% for %ears# He wo!) a!so o"en " an) ta!?
throgh his worries an) concerns a(ot the (siness7 an) he share) with
San)ra his )ee" a""reciation for Frigi)aire financing his in$entor% so that he
co!) *a?e it throgh the )iffic!t ti*es#
This co**nication (etween father an) )aghter ha) ta?en "!ace in a
s"ontaneos wa% )ring $er% natra! ti*es7 when the *ost "owerf! ?in) of
scri"ting ta?es "!ace# &ring those re!a<e) ti*es gar)s are )own an) a!!
?in)s of i*ages an) thoghts are "!ante) )ee" in the s(conscios *in)#
Perha"s San)ra ha) forgotten a(ot a!! of this nti! the safet% of that %ear of
co**nication when it co!) co*e ot a!so in $er% natra! an) s"ontaneos
wa%s#
San)ra gaine) tre*en)os insight into herse!f an) into the
314 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
E*otiona! root of her fee!ings a(ot Frigi)aire# I a!so gaine) insight an) a
who!e new !e$e! of res"ect# 1 ca*e to rea!iCe that San)ra 0asn@t ta!?ing
a(ot a""!iancesE she was ta!?ing a(ot her father7 an) a(ot !o%a!t%Aa(ot
!o%a!t% to his nee)s#
I re*e*(er (oth of s (eco*ing tearf! on that )a%7 not so *ch (ecase of
the insights7 (t (ecase of the increase) sense of Re$erence we ha) for
each other# 0e )isco$ere) that e$en see*ing!% tri$ia! things often ha$e
roots in )ee" e*otiona! e<"eriences# To )ea! on!% with the s"erficia! tri$ia
withot seeing the )ee"er7 *ore ten)er isses is to tra*"!e on the sacre)
gron) of another@s heart#
There were *an% rich frits of those *onths# Or co**nication (eca*e so
"owerf! that we co!) a!*ost instant!% connect 0ith each other@s thoghts#
0hen we !eft Hawaii7 we reso!$e) to contine the "ractice# &ring the *an%
%ears since7 we ha$e contine) to go reg!ar!% on or Hon)a trai! c%c!e7 or
in the car if the weather@s (a)7 Dst to ta!?# 0e fee! the ?e% to sta%ing in !o$e
is to ta!?7 "artic!ar!% a(ot fee!ings# 0e tr% to co**nicate with each other
se$era! ti*es e$er% )a%7 e$en when I@* tra$e!ing# It@s !i?e toching in to
ho*e (ase7 which accesses a!! the ha""iness7 secrit%7 an) $a!es it
re"resents#
Tho*as 0o!fe was wrong# Yo can go ho*e againAif %or ho*e is a
treasre) re!ationshi"7 a "recios co*"anionshi"#
Intergenerationa! Li$ing
As San)ra an) I )isco$ere) that won)erf! %ear7 the a(i!it% to se wise!% the
ga" (etween sti*!s an) res"onse7 to e<ercise the for niFe en)ow*ents
of or h*an natre7 e*"owere) s fro* the insi)e ot#
0e ha) trie) the otsi)e,in a""roach# 0e !o$e) each other7 an) we ha)
atte*"te) to wor? throgh or )ifferences (% contro!!ing or attit)es an)
or (eha$iors7 (% "racticing sef! techniFes of h*an interaction# Bt or
(an),ai)s an) as"irin on!% !aste) so !ong# .nti! we wor?e) an)
co**nicate) on the !e$e! of or essentia! "ara)ig*s7 the chronic
n)er!%ing "ro(!e*s were sti!! there#
0hen we (egan to wor? fro* the insi)e ot7 we were a(!e to (i!) a
re!ationshi" of trst an) o"enness an) to reso!$e )%sfnctiona! )ifferences in
a )ee" an) !asting wa% that ne$er co!) ha$e co*e (% wor?ing fro* the
otsi)e in# The )e!icios frits,,,rich
INSI&E,O.T AGAIN
316
0in50in re!ationshi"7 a )ee" n)erstan)ing of each other7 an) a *ar$e!!os
s%nerg%Agrew ot of the roots we nrtre) as we e<a*ine) or "rogra*s7
rescri"te) orse!$es7 an) *anage) or !i$es so that we co!) create ti*e for
the i*"ortant Xa)rant II acti$it% of co**nicating )ee"!% with each other#
An) there were other frits# 0e were a(!e to see on a *ch )ee"er !e$e!
that7 Dst as "owerf!!% as or own !i$es ha) (een affecte) (% or "arents7
the !i$es of or chi!)ren were (eing inf!ence) an) sha"e) (% s7 often in
wa%s we )i)n@t e$en (egin to rea!iCe# .n)erstan)ing the "ower of scri"ting
in or own !i$es7 we fe!t a renewe) )esire to )o e$er%thing we co!) to *a?e
certain that what we "asse) on to ftre generations7 (% (oth "rece"t an)
e<a*"!e7 was (ase) on correct "rinci"!es#
I ha$e )rawn "artic!ar attention in this (oo? to those scri"ts we ha$e (een
gi$en which we "roacti$e!% want to change# Bt as we e<a*ine or scri"ting
caref!!%7 *an% of s wi!! a!so (egin to see (eatif! scri"ts7 "ositi$e scri"ts
that ha$e (een "asse) )own to s which we ha$e (!in)!% ta?en for grante)#
Rea! se!f,awareness he!"s s to a""reciate those scri"ts an) to a""reciate
those who ha$e gone (efore s an) nrtre) s in "rinci"!e,(ase) !i$ing7
*irroring (ac? to s not on!% what we are7 (t what we can (eco*e#
There is transcen)ent "ower in a strong intergenerationa! fa*i!%# An
effecti$e!% inter)e"en)ent fa*i!% of chi!)ren7 "arents7 gran)"arents7 ants7
nc!es7 an) cosins can (e a "owerf! force in he!"ing "eo"!e ha$e a sense
of who the% are an) where the% ca*e fro* an) what the% stan) for#
It@s great for chi!)ren to (e a(!e to i)entif% the*se!$es with the Gtri(e7G to
fee! that *an% "eo"!e ?now the* an) care a(ot the*7 e$en thogh the%@re
s"rea) a!! o$er the contr%# An) that can (e a tre*en)os (enefit as %o
nrtre %or fa*i!%# If one of %or chi!)ren is ha$ing )iffic!t% an) )oesn@t
rea!!% re!ate with %o at a "artic!ar ti*e in his !ife7 *a%(e he can re!ate to
%or (rother or sister who can (eco*e a srrogate father or *other7 a *entor
or a hero for a "erio) of ti*e#
Gran)"arents who show a great interest in their gran)chi!)ren are a*ong the
*ost "recios "eo"!e on this earth# 0hat a *ar$e!!os "ositi$e socia! *irror
the% can (eH -% *other is !i?e that E$en now7 in her !ate IJ@s7 she ta?es a
)ee" "ersona! interest in e$er% one of her )escen)ants# She writes s !o$e
!etters# I was rea)ing one the other )a% on a "!ane with tears strea*ing )own
318 THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
*% chee?s# I co!) ca!! her " tonight an) I ?now she@) sa%7 GSte"hen7 I
want %o to ?now how *ch I !o$e %o an) how won)erf! I thin? %o are#G
She@s constant!% reaffir*ing#
A strong intergenerationa! fa*i!% is "otentia!!% one of the *ost fritf!7
rewar)ing7 an) satisf%ing inter)e"en)ent re!ationshi"s# An) *an% "eo"!e
fee! the i*"ortance of that re!ationshi"# Loo? at the fascination we a!! ha)
with Roots so*e %ears ago# Each of s has roots an) the a(i!it% to trace
those roots7 to i)entif% or ancestors#
The highest an) *ost "owerf! *oti$ation in )oing that is not for orse!$es
on!%7 (t for or "osterit%7 for the "osterit% of a!! *an?in)# As so*eone once
o(ser$e)7 GThere are on!% two !asting (eFests we can gi$e or chi!)renA
one is roots7 the other wings#G
Beco*ing a Transition Person
A*ong other things7 I (e!ie$e that gi$ing GwingsG to or chi!)ren an) to
others *eans e*"owering the* with the free)o* to rise a(o$e negati$e
scri"ting that ha) (een "asse) )own to s# I (e!ie$e it *eans (eco*ing what
*% frien) an) associate7 &r# Terr% 0arner7 ca!!s a GtransitionG "erson#
Instea) of transferring those scri"ts to the ne<t generation7 we can change
the*# An) we can )o it in a wa% that wi!! (i!) re!ationshi"s in the "rocess#
If %or "arents a(se) %o as a chi!)7 that )oes not *ean that %o ha$e to
a(se %or own chi!)ren# Yet there@s "!ent% of e$i)ence to in)icate that %o
wi!! ten) to !i$e ot that scri"t# Bt (ecase %o@re "roacti$e7 %o can rewrite
the scri"t# Yo can choose not on!% not to a(se %or chi!)ren7 (t to affir*
the*7 to scri"t the* in "ositi$e wa%s#
Yo can write it in %or "ersona! *ission state*ent an) into %or *in) an)
heart# Yo can $isa!iCe %orse!f !i$ing in har*on% with that *ission
state*ent in %or &ai!% Pri$ate Victor%# Yo can ta?e ste"s to !o$e an)
forgi$e %or own "arents7 an) if the% are sti!! !i$ing7 to (i!) a "ositi$e
re!ationshi" with the* (% see?ing to n)erstan)#
A ten)enc% that@s rn throgh %or fa*i!% for generations can sto" with %o#
Yo@re a transition "ersonAa !in? (etween the "ast an) the ftre# An) %or
own change can affect *an%7 *an% !i$es )ownstrea*# P
One "owerf! transition "erson of the twentieth centr%7 Anwar Sa)at7 !eft
s as "art of his !egac% a "rofon) n)erstan)ing of the
INSI&E,O.T AGAIN
31:
natre of change# Sa)at stoo) (etween a "ast that ha) create) a Ghge wa!!
of ss"icion7 fear7 hate an) *isn)erstan)ingG (etween Ara(s an) Israe!is7
an) a ftre in which increase) conf!ict an) iso!ation see*e) ine$ita(!e#
Efforts at negotiation ha) (een *et with o(Dections on e$er% sca!eAe$en to
for*a!ities an) "roce)ra! "oints7 to an insignificant co**a or "erio) in the
te<t of "ro"ose) agree*ents#
0hi!e others atte*"te) to reso!$e the tense sitation (% hac?ing at the
!ea$es7 Sa)at )rew "on his ear!ier centering e<"erience in a !one!% "rison
ce!! an) went to wor? on the root# An) in )oing so7 he change) the corse of
histor% for *i!!ions of "eo"!e#
He recor)s in his ato(iogra"h%L
It was then that I )rew7 a!*ost nconscios!%7 on the inner strength I ha)
)e$e!o"e) in Ce!! 64 of Cairo Centra! PrisonAa strength7 ca!! it a ta!ent or
ca"acit%7 for change# I fon) that I face) a high!% co*"!e< sitation7 an) that
I co!)n@t ho"e to change it nti! I ha) ar*e) *%se!f with the necessar%
"s%cho!ogica! an) inte!!ecta! ca"acit%# -% conte*"!ation of !ife an) h*an
natre in that sec!)e) "!ace ha) taght *e that he who cannot change the
$er% fa(ric of his thoght wi!! ne$er (e a(!e to change rea!it%7 an) wi!!
ne$er7 therefore7 *a?e an% "rogress#
ChangeArea! changeAco*es fro* the insi)e ot# It )oesn@t co*e fro*
hac?ing at the !ea$es of attit)e an) (eha$ior with Fic? fi< "ersona!it%
ethic techniFes# It co*es fro* stri?ing at the rootAthe fa(ric of or
thoght7 the fn)a*enta!7 essentia! "ara)ig*s7 which gi$e )efinition to or
character an) create the !ens throgh which we see the wor!)# In the wor)s
of A*ie!7
-ora! trth can (e concei$e) in thoght# One can ha$e fee!ings a(ot it# One
can wi!! to !i$e it# Bt *ora! trth *a% ha$e (een "enetrate) an) "ossesse)
in a!! these wa%s7 an) esca"e s sti!!# &ee"er e$en than consciosness there
is or (eing itse!fAor $er% s(stance7 or natre# On!% those trths which
ha$e entere) into this !ast region7 which ha$e (eco*e orse!$es7 (eco*e
s"ontaneos an) in$o!ntar% as we!! as $o!ntar%7 nconscios as we!! as
conscios7 are rea!!% or !ifeAthat is to sa%7 so*ething *ore than "ro"ert%#
So !ong as we are a(!e to )istingish an% s"ace whate$er (etween Trth an)
s we re*ain otsi)e it# The thoght7 the fee!ing7 the )esire or the
consciosness of !ife *a% not (e Fite !ife# To (eco*e )i$ine is then the ai*
of !ife# Then on!% can trth (e sai)
31I THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
to (e ors (e%on) the "ossi(i!it% of !oss# It is no !onger otsi)e nor in a
sense e$en in s7 (t we are it7 an) it is we#
Achie$ing nit%AonenessAwith orse!$es7 with or !o$e) ones7 with or
frien)s an) wor?ing associates7 is the highest an) (est an) *ost )e!icios
frit of the Se$en Ha(its# -ost of s ha$e taste) this frit of tre nit% fro*
ti*e to ti*e in the "ast7 as we ha$e a!so taste) the (itter7 !one!% frit of
)isnit%Aan) we ?now how "recios an) fragi!e nit% is#
O($ios!% (i!)ing a character of tota! integrit% an) !i$ing the D !ife of !o$e
an) ser$ice that creates sch nit% isn@t eas%# It isn@t I Fic? fi<#
Bt it@s "ossi(!e# It (egins with the )esire to center or !i$es on correct
"rinci"!es7 to (rea? ot of the "ara)ig*s create) (% other centers an) the
co*fort Cones of nworth% ha(its#
So*eti*es we *a?e *ista?es7 we fee! aw?war)# Bt if we start with the
&ai!% Pri$ate Victor% an) wor? fro* the insi)e ot7 the res!ts wi!! sre!%
co*e# As we "!ant the see) an) "atient!% wee) an) norish it7 we (egin to
fee! the e<cite*ent of rea! growth an) e$enta!!% taste the inco*"ara(!%
)e!icios frits of a congrent7 effecti$e !ife#
Again7 1 Fote E*ersonL GThat which we "ersist in )oing (eco*es easierA
not that the natre of the tas? has change)7 (t or a(i!it% to )o has
increase)#G
B% centering or !i$es on correct "rinci"!es an) creating a (a!ance) focs
(etween )oing an) increasing or a(i!it% to )o7 we (eco*e e*"owere) in
the tas? of creating effecti$e7 sef!7 an) "eacef! !i$es ### for orse!$es7 an)
for or "osterit%#
INSI&E,O.T AGAIN
31K
A Persona! Note
As I conc!)e this (oo?7 I wo!) !i?e to share *% own "ersona! con$iction
concerning what I (e!ie$e to (e the sorce of correct "rinci"!es# I (e!ie$e
that correct "rinci"!es are natra! !aws7 an) that Go)7 the Creator an) Father
of s a!!7 is the sorce of the*7 an) a!so the sorce of or conscience# I
(e!ie$e that to the )egree "eo"!e !i$e (% this ins"ire) conscience7 the% wi!!
grow to f!fi!! their natresE to the )egree that the% )o not7 the% wi!! not rise
a(o$e the ani*a! "!ane#
I (e!ie$e that there are "arts to h*an natre that cannot (e reache) (%
either !egis!ation or e)cation7 (t reFire the "ower of Go) to )ea! with# I
(e!ie$e that as h*an (eings7 we cannot "erfect orse!$es# To the )egree to
which we a!ign orse!$es with correct "rinci"!es7 )i$ine en)ow*ents wi!! (e
re!ease) within or natre in ena(!ing s to f!fi!! the *easre of or
creation# In the wor)s of Tei!har) )e Char)in7 G0e are not h*an (eings
ha$ing a s"irita! e<"erience# 0e are s"irita! (eings ha$ing a h*an
e<"erience#G
I "ersona!!% strgg!e with *ch of what I ha$e share) in this (oo?# Bt the
strgg!e is worthwhi!e an) f!fi!!ing# It gi$es *eaning to *% !ife an) ena(!es
*e to !o$e7 to ser$e7 an) to tr% again#
Again7 T# S# E!iot e<"resses so (eatif!!% *% own "ersona! )isco$er% an)
con$ictionL G0e *st not cease fro* e<"!oration# An) the en) of a!! or
e<"!oring wi!! (e to arri$e where we (egan an) to ?now the "!ace for the
first ti*e#G
En) of (oo?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,