Cure To Shyness

How to overcome shyness ?

Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensiti
zation. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy
person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed
to be cathartic.
This is the advice that is often given shy people. "You've got to mix and mingle
with people-that's the only way you're going to overcome your shyness! Go to a
party, and plunge right in!" This is something akin to telling someone who's dea
thly afraid of water to plunge into the deep end of a swimming pool!
Systematic desensitization, on the other hand, involves discovering what you are
afraid of, breaking that feared activity down into smaller steps and finally ta
king those steps on one at a time, gradually moving from the easiest step to the
most difficult.
The first step toward practicing systematic desensitization is to list those sit
uations which cause you shyness or anxiety. The list should be arranged in incre
asing order of difficulty; that is, with the easiest interactions listed first,
progressing down toward those which cause greater and greater anxiety. To make t
his task easier, below is a list of social situations arranged in what I think w
ill be roughly increasing difficulty for most shy people. You can use this list
as a framework for your own list. The list progresses from the mildest social si
tuations to the most difficult.
The next step is to tackle these shyness-producing situations one at a time, pro
gressing from the easiest to the most difficult. To do this, you must set goals
for yourself.
Set aside a couple of weeks for each shyness situation. Every day, make a delibe
rate point of getting into a situation in which you will have an opportunity to
practice a skill on your list which you have set aside to practice during that w
eek. When you have practiced a particular skill on your list every day for two w
eeks, move on to the next one. Continue this way until you have worked your way
completely down the list.
This technique doesn't work perfectly, because life doesn't always hand out expe
riences in the order we've decided would be best, but don't worry; the technique
will still be effective.
Another tip: most of these situations can be made more challenging by increasing
how much time you spend in that situation, or by increasing the difficulty in s
ome other way. For example, you may have no trouble asking a librarian to help y
ou find something, but entering into a brief conversation with him or her may be
a little more difficult. Or, a short conversation with someone you meet at scho
ol may be easy, but a longer one may be more challenging. In this way you can "f
ine tune" your graduated desensitization regimen in a way that allows you to ach
ieve a very smooth increase in its difficulty level.
One of the easiest ways to begin is to try striking up little conversations with
store clerks. This gives you an opportunity to practice overcoming your shyness
every time you pick up a magazine or buy a candy bar. The conversations don't h
ave to be long ones, and you can close the conversation whenever you wish. Anoth
er advantage is that since you have no need to see these people again, you have
no reason to be upset if you say something you later decide was less than brilli
ant. Of course, make sure there isn't a long line of other shoppers waiting behi
nd you when you try this technique !
How to using visualization techniques