Fiqh of Marriage (Fiqh of Love)

Qabeelat Nurayn Fiqh of Love: Marriage in Islam
April/May 2012 Shaykh Waleed Basyouni | Al Maghrib Institute

1

FIQH OF LOVE - MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
Taught By SHAYKH WALEED
BASYOUNI
2
Nurayn Master Notes: Table of Contents

Table of Contents -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------2
Introduction -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------3
Seminar Goals ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------4
The Prophet (saws) as a Husband ---------------------------------------------------------------6
Love and Marriage in Islam ----------------------------------------------------------------------12
Al Afaf in Islam -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------17
The Purpose and Goals of Marriage ------------------------------------------------------------23
Choosing the Right Spouse -----------------------------------------------------------------------25
The Engagement and The Proposal ------------------------------------------------------------32
Marriage ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------38
The Marriage Contract ----------------------------------------------------------------------------39
Wedding, Wedding Night, Marital Life and Intimacy ---------------------------------64 - 68
Abortion and Newborn ---------------------------------------------------------------------------70
The Rights of Husband and Wife ----------------------------------------------------------------72
In=Laws ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------74
Divorce -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------81
Al-Khul -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------87
Al-Faskh ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------88
Al-Iddah ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------89
Child Custody ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------94
Exam Reminder ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------96

3

4
Benefits of the Class

Finding the spouse that you can live with is not same as finding the spouse that you cant
live without, Shaykh Waleed Basyouni

This class covers the following:

Fiqh issues related to marriage
The need of a social companion
Conflict resolution
How to find the right spouse?
o A man was wearing his wedding ring in the wrong finger so the other man
said you are wearing the ring in the wrong finger, so the first one said
because I married the wrong person.
To put marriage after the obedience of Allah
o Adam(as) was getting bored in Janaah, so Allah(swt) fulfilled his need for a
social companion by creating Hawwah(as) from his side so he can keep her
closer to his(as) heart and maintain the companionship.

a. Seminar Goals:
a. To honor marital life: To consider being married much better than being
single, to work hard for its success, consider yourself to be blessed to have
been married
b. To love Fiqh and appreciate the work of the scholars
c. To understand the Fiqh of marriage and divorce
d. To give the student a clear picture of what marriage is like
e. To build a very respectful image of the husband and the wife
f. To respect the different opinions between the scholars by analyzing each
scholars perspective
g. To become better husbands and wives and to see immediate results in our
lives

b. Seminar Objectives:
a. Learn how to improve the communication skills
b. Knowing the ruling in the new contemporary issues in marriage
c. The ability to reconcile between evidences if they appear to contradict
d. Knowing the correct method of recognizing an acceptable opinion from an
inacceptable one
e. Knowing the methodology of Muslims Jurists in establishing rulings
f. The ability to contain marital problems and how to deal with them
g. The ability to make the right choices in life
5
h. Knowing the role of husband and wife in marital life
i. Recognizing the wisdom of Islamic law in marital life

The Class is for:
1. Unmarried: The whole process from finding the right spouse to the divorce and
child custody, the best practices and how to create harmony
2. Married: The process to bring them closer to each other and maintaining the good
relationship
3. Divorced: Conflicts, Child Custody, Single Mother, Iddah and more
4. In-laws or Outlaws: Parents, other relatives and best practices, and involvement
5. Fiqh: A lot of fiqh issues, How the Jurists discussed issues, what are their evidences,
be exposed to the evidences used by the Jurists, good understanding of the religion,
respect the different opinions and more
6. Ibn Rajab al Hanbali(ra) said there are 3 stages of Ilm
a. Arrogance: In the beginning we feel arrogant about knowing a little about
Islam
b. Humble Yourself: With more and more knowledge we realize that there are
other evidences and scholars were more pious people than us
c. We are Ignorant: At this stage we realize that what we know is nothing
compared to the knowledge and practice of scholars and students of
knowledge
7. To be able to understand the religion and practice it as a family
8. The Hunt: Most hunting grounds for Muslims, best hunting methods, some have
developed pickup lines for Muslims
9. Engagement: How to find that this a right person for you and what are red flag
issues and how much time is spent between the engagement and marriage

6
SAWS
The Prophet (saws) as a Husband

The Mothers of the Believers

Khadija bintu Khuwailid (ra):
o He (saws) was her right hand man, He (saws) was As-Sadiq wal Ameen,
He(saws) took her business to another level and made a lot of profit for her,
He(saws) was from a respected family, He (saws) was very handsome and a
noble young man, She fell in love with this respectable man (saws)
o She approached her father about marrying him (saws) though he (saws) was
younger than her, but her affection for him (saws) was strong
o Ibn Abbas (ra) said the father said to her about him (saws) that I will not let
you marry this orphan (saws) (Mentioned In Al-Bayhaqi). The Arabs
considered orphans to be not highly respectable people because they did not
grow up learning the manners and etiquettes of the noble families from their
parents, so in their opinion the orphans did not have any role models to look
up to. For similar reasons he refused to marry her (ra) to him (saws)
Rights of the Orphans: One of the first rights mentioned in Islam are
the rights of the Orphans and one of the first 10 surahs revealed in the
Quran is about the orphans
o The Prophet (saws) still mentioned her name 20 years after her death and
the Prophet (saws) remembered her. If it was for him (saws) he (saws)
would have maintained his marriage with Khadija (ra) only but as a
messenger and a prophet, he (saws) had to marry many wives to be a role
model for all of us. He (saws) visited her friends on Eid. Once Hala, the sister
of Khadija (ra), after about 15 years visited the house of the Prophet (saws)
and when the Prophet (saws) heard her voice from another room he got up
and exclaimed Khadija (ra)! Aisha (ra) said I felt so jealous at that moment.
She (ra) was his (saws) best friend. In another narration the Prophet (saws)
7
said she (Khadija) believed in me and supported me when no one did.
When the Quriesh refused to deal with the Muslims and the Prophet (saws)
and some of the companions (ra) where living outside Makkah. Khadiaja (ra)
was with the Prophet (saws). Sad Ibn Abi Waqqas (ra) said sometimes we
were without food for so long that we had to eat tree leaves to get by. Once
he said he (ra) was so hungry that he got up at night and walked out and felt
something soft on the ground and he picked it up and ate it; then he said even
till tody he does not know what he ate that night. Even in this situation one
of the most noble and wealthiest women of Makkah, Khadija (ra) was with
him (saws).

Souda bintu Zamaa (ra) and Aisha bintu Abi Bakar (ra):
o After the death of Khadija (ra) a woman in Madinah came to the Prophet
(saws) and suggested him (saws) to get married again. She suggested the
names of Souda bintu Zamaa (ra) and Aisha bintu Abi Bakar (ra). When the
woman (ra) went back to Abu Bakar (ra) he said let me talk to the other
family because Aisha (ra) had been spoken for. Then Abu Bakar (ra) went to
the other family and they said if your daughter is going to follow the religion
of the Prophet (saws) we dont want her. So Abu-Bakar (ra) said
Alhamdulillah that it (i.e the break up) came from you. Then the Prophet
(saws) married Souda (ra) before Aisha (ra).
Hafsa bintu Umar (ra):
o Umar (ra) went to Abu-Bakar (ra) and Uthman (ra) to ask them if they will be
interested in marrying Hafsa (ra) but they both remained quiet because they
had heard the Prophet (saws) mention her name and they did not want to
reveal the statements of the Prophet (saws) without his permission.
However Umar (ra) did not know this so he (ra) did not understand their
silence. But the Prophet (saws) soon proposed for her hand.
Zainab bintu Khuzaima(ra)
Umm Salama bintu Abi Umayyah(ra)
Zainab bintu Jahash(ra):
o It was an order from Allah to marry her (ra). The fiqh of adoption is
practically and clearly explained through this marriage of the Prophet
(saws). She (ra) used to be excited to say that her wali for this marriage with
the Prophet (saws) was Allah (swt) Himself. Ibn Umar (ra) said until these
8
ayahs about Zaid ibn Haritha (ra) came down he used to think that Zaid ibn
Haritha was Zaid ibn Muhammad (saws).
Juwairiyyah bintu Al-Harith(ra)
Umm Habibah bintuAbiSufyan(ra)
Safiyyah bintu Huyay(ra):
o She was a Jew before Islam and she lost her father, brother and uncle in a
battle between the Jews and the Muslims, but she loved Islam and the
Prophet (saws) so much. If she had any doubts about the Prophet(saws)
being an actual Prophet(saws) of Allah she would have come out and told
everyone but she saw the implementation of the following hadith in her
house. Khairukum Khairukum li ahlihi wanaa Khairukum li ahli (The best of
you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to his wife)
Maymoona bintu Al-Harith (ra)

Multiple Marriages of the Prophet (saws)
Some wisdom behind the multiple marriages in the life of the Prophet (saws):
a) The wives were the nine living witnesses of the prophet hood of the Prophet
(saws)
b) The life of the Prophet (saws) is an example for humanity; therefore the Prophet
(saws) had to marry from different cultures and backgrounds.
c) Every action of the Prophet (saws) could be legislation or a fiqh and belief issue
therefore all the wives documented all the affairs of their lives
d) To give support and dignity to other tribes and towns around Makkah. They felt
proud to be related to the Prophet (saws)
e) To honor the tribes and towns and to gain everyones support in dawah of Islam
and to unite them
f) To be a role model in every type of marriage

9

10
Lessons to learn from the life of the Prophet (saws) with his wives

The Prophet (saws) was 55 + years old when he married other wives and he
(saws) lived in the desert in Arabia in a completely differently culture however,
he(saws) still set a standard for the rest of the humanity
Relationship with Wives:
o Expressing love was a quality of the Prophet (saws). Once he (saws) was
asked who do you (saws) love the most he (saws) replied Aisha (ra) and
then he (saws) said her father (ra). We could translate this to giving a good
by kiss to our spouses and saying I Love You to each other.
o The Prophet gave is wife Aisha the nickname Humera (red cheeks).
o The Prophet (saws) use to feed his wives a morsel from his (saws) own hand
or would take a bite on the meat at the same place where Aisha (ra) took a
bite. Or drink from the same place where she (ra) drank from
o The Prophet (saws) put forward his blessed thigh for Safiyyah bintu Huyay
(ra) to step on and climb the camel to ride. (Al-Haythamee, Majma Az-
Zawaaid)
o The Prophet (saws) stood for a long time for Aisha (ra) to see the
Abyssinians dance and show their strength and hunting tactics in the Masjid.
In some cultures after successful hunting activities people celebrated this
way.
o The Prophet (saws) also spent time with all of his wives. Ibn Katheer said
after Asr the Prophet (saws) would visit each one of his wives.
o While travelling the Prophet (saws) would ride the camel next to one of his
wives and talk to them during the journey though the womens section would
be far behind the front of the caravan.
o Imam Al-Bukhari has a chapter in his Sahih about Husnul AKhlaaq with
Women based on the Prophets example.
o Hadith Umm-Zarr is also an example of how much he (saws) cared and
listened to his (saws) wives and how considerate he (saws) was.
o Once the Prophet (saws) asked the entire caravan to wait and he (saws)
helped Aisha (ra) find her lost necklace. The place was a quick stop location
and did not have much water however; the Prophet (saws) stopped the
11
journey and the spent the night there to look for the necklace of Aisha (ra).
Abu-Bakar (ra) was upset with Aisha (ra). The Prophet (saws) never
complained about the burnt bread or never criticized the food. These
examples show the patience and considerate nature of the Prophet (saws)
with his wives.
o Once a guest was invited in the house of Aisha (ra) and one of the other wives
cooked the food and sent it over, so Aisha (ra) did not like the idea that the
food was cooked by someone other than her though the guest was visiting
her house, so she (ra) went out and hit the food and all the food was all over
the floor. The Prophet (saws) picked up the food and told the guest that
your mother Aisha (ra) is jealous and he (saws) never mentioned this again
ever.
o The Hadith of the Honey about Zainab (ra), Aisha, and Hafsa (ra) plotting also
shows how much he cared about his (saws) wives (ra).
o The incident of the Prophet (saws) leaving at night to go to Al-Baqi and Aisha
(ra) following her shows the faithfulness and the trust that the Prophet
(saws) had with his (saws) wives (ra).
o Two important lessons to be remembered are
Dont be cruising for bruising
Learn to Move On

12

13
Marriage and Love in Islam

Marriage in Islam:

o One Jurist was asked how you became so rich, he said he was very poor once and
found a very beautiful and expensive necklace on the street and he struggled with
his intentions and then he heard a voice shouting and looking for this necklace so he
returned the necklace without taking any money that he was offered. Then once he
was travelling on red sea and the ship sunk and he managed to reach an island by
holding on to a piece of wood. He started helping the children and elders learn
Quran and the basics of religion because they were Muslims, so the people of the
island asked him to marry a girl from their community and he agreed. When on the
day of wedding he saw her he could not take his eyes off of her. So the people
around him asked why he was shocked to see her, so he said it is not her, but I know
the necklace she is wearing and he told the whole story and the people got more
excited to hear that the story the girls father mentioned was about this honest man.
Then after her death he inherited the necklace and became very rich by selling it.

o One of the very important points mentioned in this section is sincere Dua to Allah
(swt). Sincerity plays a great role in being successful in marriage and it will
inshaAllah bring a lot of harmony in life and between the two. Never underestimate
the power of a sincere dua.

14

Love in Islam:

o The feeling of love is not condemned is Islam, what is criticized and made haram
is what impermissible actions it leads to. During Hajj, Ibn Abbas(ra) saw a young
man on Arafa and he saw his beloved, who had married to someone else passing
by and he fainted on Arafa. The Prophet(saws) said the best thing for the people
in love is marriage.
o Love is one of the strongest emotions in the heart but its growth can be
controlled. Love has to be controlled and directed in the right direction. Imam
Ahmad bin Hanbal (ra) was asked to explain the hadith of the Prophet(saws)

A RIGHTEIOUS SPOUSE IS A JOY IN LIFE
15
that Dont expose yourself to a fitnah you cant handle and he(ra) said Love
is an example of that. If it is not kept in check it could lead to great difficulties.
Love should be vested in right places (e.g. spouse). Allah (swt) says He has
put love and mercy in their hearts (Surah Ar-Room V:21) It is one of the
pillars in marriage. The Prophet (saws) said, I was filled with love for her (i.e.
Khadija (ra)) Love happens very fast but grows very slowly (e.g. Like a tree or
plant which holds roots very quickly however takes some time to grow). Ibn
Taimiyyah (ra) said = Love is impossible to define. Ibn al-Qayyim (ra) said
all the letters come from between the throat and the lips and is made of two
letters that come from these two locations hence we need all the letters
pronounced from between throat and lips to describe the feeling of . Some of
the contexts where is used is for pure/white teeth, the camel that cannot be
moved and gushing out water (which appear in the action of the person in love).
3 signs of Love are faster heartbeat, cant pronounce the words correctly,
shaking hands and sweating. These signs become vivid especially when one
sees his/her beloved. Some say the symptoms in people who are very scared
and who are in strong love are same.

When Someone Dumps You:

Self-esteem of the person goes down when he/she is dumped by someone and
needs a healing period depending upon the affection to the other person. Some
people settle for less after they are dumped; therefore it is easier to find
desperate people in the places where alcohol is served.
Story of Bareerah and Mugheeth: Mugheet loved bareerah so much and she
hated him so much. Mugheeth used to follow her and ask her to get back to him
and then he asked the Prophet (saws) to intercede on his behalf. The Prophet
(saws) asked Bareerah if she would consider taking him back and she said if this
is a command I will obey but if it is a intersession then I have no interest in him.
To a great extent love is mysterious.
Iman should be higher than any feeling in the heart of a Mumin. Ibn al-Qayyim
(ra) said loving for the sake of Allah is the only love that has no suffering
attached to it. Love of a person is different from the love of Allah. Love has
different levels. Just because someone felt sorry for someone else who went
through a difficult divorce or death in their family does not mean they love each
other; sometimes people get confused between sympathy, pity and many other
feelings and love. Love is also not enough to sustain the marriage because love
without trust, finance, character, compatibility and Islam is not sufficient to
16
make the marriage successful. However, without love marriage also cannot be
successful.
Ruling on Celebrating Valentines Day:

What is its root? St. Valentine was prisoned for facilitating soldiers to marry.

17

18
Al-Afaaf in Islam

o Definitions
a) Linguistic: From Affa, which means protection or purity
b) Technical: Abstaining from any indecent words or actions
o Example of Yusuf(as) 12:23
c) He(as) was a young man (Testosterone level is high)
d) He was and was not looking for a political position
e) He was seduced by a respectable and beautiful woman
f) She is the one who offered herself
g) She was a powerful and rich woman
h) By accepting he would have gotten power, money, and influence
i) He was a stranger in that country (What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas)
j) They were alone in the room and the locks were secured
k) He(as) was also threatened by jail and discredit if he refused
l) Even after all the above factors Yusuf(as) said MaazAllah

o Causes of Indecency
Protecting the deen and Iman is one of the most important things in our religion and
also one of the Maqasid of Sharia is preservation of deen and Iman
a) Location
i. School, street, vacation spots, certain parks, beaches and places of
committing haram are some of the examples of the locations that
would instigate a person to involve in impermissible acts.
ii. If we always hang out at specific locations which excite our desires
to look, hear, say, touch or think about impermissible things than
these locations could cause Indecency in us.
iii. When some people travel to strange lands or out of town it would
be easier for them to commit haram hence the phrase What
happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
19
iv. From the story of Yusuf (as) we also learn that he preferred to go
to jail over staying in the palace and hence wanted to change his
location because the indecency he was being invited for was at the
palace of the Aziz.
v. To protect our Deen and Iman abandoning/changing the location
that instigates us to go towards haram has greater benefits

b) Friends
i. Friends influence each other a lot; someone who smokes would
influence his friends around him to take this impermissible action
ii. Friends are very bad role models if their only involvement is with
immodest acts; since the indecencies are committed in a group
people usually dont realize its ill nature and effects.
iii. Bad friends also dont encourage people to do good deeds (e.g. The
people who influence us to look at haram wont encourage us to
attend a Halaqa or a Islamic lecture)
iv. Choosing the friends carefully is very essential to saving ourselves
from indecencies

c) Al-Fudool
i. Al-Fudool means beyond limit; using our senses and limbs beyond
their permissible use.
ii. Tongue used to speak ill of others, foul language; eyes used to look
at impermissible things, hands used to touch haram or steal, ears
and limbs used for haram are some of the examples of Al-Fudool.

How Does Islam Establish Al-Afaaf
By following the below list of things it is easy to avoid indecency and establish Al-
Afaaf
d) Awrah for men and women, so they cover up and no chance of visual
excitement is present
e) Nikah for both to enjoy each other within permissible boundaries and not
have to go beyond
20
f) Dhikr of Allah, a continuous and constant reminder of Allah will prevent
us from acting on haram because it displeases Allah
g) No Khalwa between one man and one woman so no possibility of
indecency exists; Free Mixing is also not allowed as it prevents us from
implementing Al-Afaaf. One of the scholars of the past (I believe Hasan al
Basri(ra)) said that even if we are teaching her Quran we should not be
alone in one room.
h) Punishments are also one of means of keeping people away from
impermissible actions. (e.g. The Prophet(saws) said something like I
saw a container with fire in it and people without clothes and they were
the people who committed adultery) In many cases punishments are
used as a deterrent so people dont think about committing these acts
i) Fasting prevents from indecencies
j) Guarding of the Senses
k) Good Companionship

Other than the above mentioned prevention methods Islam also allows us to invent
our own methods of protecting ourselves from any haram actions though these
actions have certain conditions that have to followed; some of the examples of these
inventions and their conditions are listed below
a) Story of the brother putting Ghaddul Basar sticker on his dashboard because of
the haram his eyes were exposed to and how he needed a constant reminder to
lower his gaze
b) Another incident of a man trying to prevent himself of committing adultery by
keeping his finger above the candle and reminding himself that if he cannot
handle the heat of a candle then how can he handle the fire of Hell.
c) Using newly invented concepts like these to maintain our Istiqamah or
steadfastness is permissible with following mandatory conditions
No new legislation can be made or implemented and anything
permissible or impermissible cannot be made Haram or Halal. (e.g. If a
man said that eating meat excites him therefore he is making meat haram
for himself then this is not permissible to do)
To avoid indecency we cant commit another haram act
21
We cant use medicine to completely cut off desires
We cant burn ourselves or harm ourselves to stop committing indecency
We cant use our invented methods as the rules of Sharia; the rules will be
optional an only applied in case of need and cant be made mandatory
upon ourselves
The invention cant be in the acts of worship (e.g. To not get distracted in
Salah we listen to a lecture on iPod during Salah on the issue of Khushu in
Salah; this is not permissible)
We cant use the acts of worship as a punishment for the sins (e.g reading
3 long surahs of the Quran if we do this sin again; this makes reading
Quran part of the punishment)
Masturbation and Khalwa
Masturbation
i. Imam As-Shafai (ra) said the believer protects his private parts to
be used in unlawful ways; one of the ayahs used in this reference is
(23:4-7). This is also the majority opinion that masturbation is not
allowed alone. One of the statements also used as a support to this
opinion is that since evil thoughts and actions are not allowed then
masturbation should also be not allowed for singles. One of the
advice of the Prophet (saws) to the young is that if they cant
afford to marry they should fast and masturbation is not an option
provided by him (saws) therefore this hadith also supports this
opinion
ii. Imam Ahmad bin Hanble (ra) allowed it because it is a fluid that
could harm so relieving it would not harm us
iii. Imam Al-Ghazali (ra) said in Ihya that the lust is like a fire and
fulfilling it once will increase the fire so the best thing is to add
water to the fire and not feed more fuel to it.
Khalwa
i. Physical seclusion
ii. One man and one woman
22
iii. Not applicable in needs and necessities (e.g. In an elevator)
iv. Because of the above conditions the digital communication is not
considered Khalwa but the rules of AlAfaaf have to be followed
and choice words used for communication have to be pure and for
specific purpose no advances can be made and not flirting is
allowed

23

The Purpose and Goals of Marriage

The purpose and goals of marriage have been categorized into different sections and
also with respect to men and women. The following are some of the reasons why we get
married. Since Jannah, Adam (as) was in need of a social companion. Marriage fulfills the
following purpose and goals along with the need for a social companion

a) Procreation:
a. The hadith of the Prophet (saws) that he(saws) will be proud of our large
numbers on the Day of Judgment. (Ibn Maajah)
b. Many nations respect population and the ability of people to bring about
change within their society. Prime minister of Malaysia Mahatir
Muhammad said that the only resource he saw in Malaysia is its people.
c. As per studies it is proven that any civilization that does not produce at a rate
of 2.1 will perish in 100 years. We are very close to this number in the US.
d. As per some studies in Israel the growing population of Palestinians is
considered a threat to Isreal
b) Physical Pleasure:
a. Allah (swt) has also beautified the love of women for people (3:14)
b. Allah (swt) helps three people, one of them is the one who wants to marry to
be chaste and not fall into haram
c. The hadith of the Prophet (saws) that a person fulfills his sexual desire
and he is rewarded?...
d. As mentioned in the class physical attraction is one of the choices for one
considering to marry

c) Forming The Cornerstone of Muslim Society
24
a. Family is based on marriage and not on desires. When immorality is the
foundation of a society then it falls apart and Muslims lost Al-Andalus
because they became very open to some immoral ideas.
b. Societies and communities are based on strong families. Family also
provides a moral and spiritual support to the children.
c. Marriage also binds two cultures together.
d) Companionship
a. The example of Adam(as) is mentioned to prove the need of every human for
a social companion in the opposite gender
e) Benefits of Marriage For
Men
o Being father, Being loved, Being protected from fitnah and more
Women
o Being loved, Being mother, Being protected from fitnah and more
(Extra reading materials have been sent on the benefits of marriage)

25
Choosing the Right Spouse

It is said that if we knew precisely what we were looking for in our spouse then we
would be married by now. In the process of looking and choosing we should search and
look for the proper qualities that we are interested in. The following are some of the
criteria people use to choose their spouse; some have been recommended and some have
been suggested in the religion

The hadith of the Prophet (saws) that A woman is married for her religiosity, her
wealth or her beauty. So go for the one who is religious, may your hands be filled
with dust. (Muslim) Some said that this hadith is applicable to both men and
women. The meaning of this hadith is that if all criterions are present in one person
than that is better than someone who has only one characteristic. If only one
characteristic is present in someone from the above-mentioned list then let it be
religiosity. (e.g. A wealthy religious person can be preferred over a poor religious
person) From practical point of view it is also not advisable to marry someone with
huge difference in each of the category mentioned in the above hadith.
The second hadith of the Prophet (saws) on this discussion is If someone whose
religion and character you are pleased with comes to you, to marry your daughter,
then marry her off to him. If you dont do so, there will be tribulation on the earth
and a great deal of evil. (Tirmidhi)
The following points explain the above two ahadith and respond to some of the issues faced
by Muslim communities

a) The children born and brought up in this culture have their own identities that are
different from the way it was defined for their parents back home. One of the
issues that arise from this cultural difference is intercultural marriage. (Yes to
Commonality and No to Racism). With all being for commonality and against the
racism, we also need to consider the fact that similarity is very essential in selecting
a spouse. It is also the principal that most scholars agreed upon.
b) Religiosity
o Religiosity is defined differently for various people so being specific is very
essential for each one of us. Though religiosity has a lot of different categories
some of the following qualities and characteristics if present in a person, he/she
is considered religious
Sincerity
Knowledge of Sharia
26
They live by what they know
They have correct Aqeedah
They fulfill their obligations towards their parents and people
around them
Religion is one of the most essential qualities that can be sought in a spouse. It
was mentioned in the class that Shaykh Abdurrazzaq Ibn Sanani(ra) was the
teacher of Imam Ahmed(ra) and he was offered to marry someone and he
accepted and she was a Shia woman. Even today people say that in some
matters Shaykh Ibn Sanani (ra) has Shia tendencies.
Religious people are also those who support one another in good deeds. One of
the wives (probably Riyahal Qaisis wife) would wake him up for night prayer
and help him wake up for the Qiyaam at night. One of the other people
(probably Abu-Sarih) used to divide his night into three parts with his wife and
mother and each one of them would pray for 1/3 of the night and wake the other
one for the second third and the second person would wake the third person for
the third-third of the night. The same person said when his mother died they
divided the night into two equal half and his wife used to pray one part and he
used to pray for the other half of the night.
o One of the real life experiences mentioned in this regards was the story of a
Palestinian brother and his Russian wife. She went through a lot of
difficulties before she married him and after going back to Russia to meet her
family she was beaten badly; however, strong bond with Islam and her
husband became one of the reasons for her younger sister to become Muslim
and help her escape the fitnah.
o One of the people of the past Zainul-Abideen had an argument with his
wife and he gave her the right to divorce herself; however, she returned this
authority back to him to maintain a trustworthy and healthy relationship
with him.
c) Other Factors
What makes most men attractive is honesty, being responsible, patient, truthful,
respectful, merciful, good listener, considerate and primarily being generous
What makes most women attractive is being beautiful, caring, loving, not too
emotional, cheerful, wise, shy, patient and primarily being modest.

27
Religion, character and behavior are some of the most important and essential factors to be
considered in a spouse. However, following factors have also been mentioned in ahadith
and athar
a. Childbearing The Prophet(saws) said marry the one who can have
children. Marrying someone who cannot have children because of medical
reasons is a matter of preference.
b. Virginity The hadith of the Prophet (saws) where he(saws) advised Jabir
Ibn Abdullah (ra) to marry someone who is young. It is also permissible to
consider this however, marrying someone who is divorced or widow is
perfectly fine as well. Some Maliki scholars said that this factor is equally
applicable to both men and women because of the attachment a person has
with his/her first spouse is much stronger than the others
c. Beauty The hadith of the Prophet(saws) that women are married for
her
d. Wealth The Prophet (saws) told a woman that Muawiyah(ra) has no
money to support you
e. Family Lineage It is advised not to make this issue complex and try our best
to fit in and respect one another. However, huge cultural gaps have to be
clearly dealt with
f. Love Allah says in the Quran that love and mercy have been put in their
heart. Love is one of the pillars of marriage and the Prophet(saws) said for
the two who love each other marriage is the best thing for them
One of the practical advices mentioned in the class is that Dont start by asking about
religion. When someone asks about his/her religion first and if they dont like some of
their affairs of dunya and they reject the person then as if they rejected all the great
religious qualities of the person. However, if someone asks about the dunya first and then
the religion then even rejection shows that the religious qualities are respected in this
person.

The Hunt The hunt has two aspects associated with it one of them is the popular hunting
grounds and the other is the popular hunting techniques.

Hunting Grounds
28
a. College campuses, coffee shops, websites, sisters friends, Starbucks or isle 8
in a Walmart.
Hunting Techniques
b. Online chatting, flirting, arranged, hookup aunty, Muslim pickup lines or
specific gestures to attract the opposite gender

The following have to be discussed about the above-mentioned topics

Online Meeting
o Very few places are supervised and the activities are monitored and filtered to make
sure the interactions are within the permissible realm. With the online activities it
is very easy to fall into haram. A story of a brother and his wife was mentioned in
the class about the brother with the habit of chatting with other women and his wife
setting up an anonymous account to flirt with her husband and him falling into the
trap and inviting the woman to a hotel room and then his wife walking into the
room. This took a huge toll on their trusted relationship; however the wife also
learned that she flirted with her husband as a different person however, she never
dealt with him like this at home. One of the methods of avoiding haram while using
online chatting means is that as soon as possible move the relationship to the
traditional ways of meeting each others family.

Flirting
o Flirting is haram in Islam for any purpose or by any means. e.g. using soft and kind
language with the opposite gender, giving gestures, indicating through eyes or some
actions. Allah (swt) says dont follow in the footsteps on Shaytaan Flirting has
become so common that the Muslims have websites for pickup lines and attractive
phrases. Sometimes flirting is done to get some monitory or social benefits
however, avoiding it completely will save ourselves from difficult fitnah.

Arranged Marriages v/s Forced Marriages
o In arranged marriages if a family suggests someone and then he/she chooses
this person then that has saved a long search process for him/her. The Prophet
(saws) said that dont marry her without her consent. (Imam An-Nawawi (ra)
o Forced marriages are completely haram the marriage contract is invalid and the
two are separated immediately. A woman came to the Prophet (saws) and she
29
said her father made her marry someone so the Prophet (saws) gave her a
choice to leave the marriage because the contract is invalid.
i. Many times the forcefulness is not physical rather it is psychological
and emotional. (e.g. If you dont marry him you will see me dead, If
you dont marry her you are not my son, etc.)

How do you get to know the person?

The above question has two parts: one of them is knowing the person and the other
being knowing this is the right person for you. Some of the following questions help
narrow the choice of a person
a) One of the signs of having taqwah or good character is having righteous and
good friends that the person hangs out with
b) How do they spend their free time
c) What is their standard in life; do they value their accomplishments and
achievements (ask them about it) (e.g. A sister and a brother sat in front of the
shaykh to find suitability and the sister said she was a president of MSA and
accomplished the following however, when he was asked the question he did not
have an answer for it. This goes to show that both held the same role however,
one with some purpose and value and the other without it.) One of the lessons
learned from this incident is that the reputation is based on what we have done
in the past and what we are working on and not based on what we plan to do or
what we dream of.
d) Meeting the parents asap especially if the introduction happened on a website
and move the meeting to traditional ways as soon as possible
e) Increasing and decreasing the engagement period. Increase the engagement
period if there are issues that are considered red flag items for you and decrease
the engagement period if the satisfaction is reached with respect to the values
you are looking for to avoid any chance for mistakes.
f) Finally discuss the details of the contract and conditions before finalizing.

Al-Istikharah

Definition: Linguistically Istikharah comes from the verb Istakhara which means
seeking / requesting guidance in what is good
30
o In the famous hadith of Jabir ibn Abdullah (ra) he said that the Prophet(saws) taught
us how to make Istikharah in all (our) affairs, just as he taught us various surahs of
the Quran. He (saws) told us, If anyone of you considers doing something he should
offer a two-rakat prayer other than the obligatory prayers, and then say {O Allah! I
ask guidance from Your knowledge, and power from Your might and I ask for Your
great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know
the unseen. O Allah! If this thing is good for my din and my subsistence and for my
Hereafter (or say, if it is better for my present and later needs) then ordain it for
me and make it easy for me to obtain, and then bless me in it. If this thing is harmful
for me in my din and subsistence and in the Hereafter (or say, if it is worse for my
present and later needs) then keep it away from me, and keep me away from it.
And ordain for me whatever is good for me, and make me satisfied with it.} (after
the prayer). The Prophet (saws) added that then the person should mention his
need.

When is the Dua of al-Istikharah be said?
o The hadith of Jabir Ibn Abdullah (ra) is a proof that anywhere in the process of
marriage when a decision has to be made one can make an Istikharah. It is also said
that this is a form of Dua so it can be made at all the permissible times. One of the
conditions is that it cannot be included in a wajib salah. One of the purposes of
making Istikharah is to ask Allah for help and ask Allah to bless your choice. There
are no special signs that one receives after making an Istikharah neither do we see a
dream about our concerns. These decisions cannot be made based on what we saw
in our dreams right after praying the Istikharah (e.g. Once a man came to the Shaykh
and said I know this is the one, so the Shaykh asked how do you know; he said
because I saw a dream about her and then he described his dream, so the Shaykh
asked him when did you see her; the person said I was with her and her family all
day; this goes to show that the person spent a lot of time with the one he/she was
proposing and then thought that the dream was a sign from Allah and not the
lingering effects of his experiences that he had during the day)

Can Istikharah prayer be repeated more than once?
o Yes, because it is a Dua and a Dua can be made to Allah(swt) as many times as
needed
Can someone pray Istikharah on behalf of someone else?
o No, actually it could qualify for Bidah. You could ask someone to make a general
Dua for yourself. However, the Istikharah is for yourself by yourself

What should a woman do if she is menstruating?
o Can the Dua be read from a paper? Can it be read in other than Arabic?
Yes, because it is a Dua.

31
Masalah:
The principal of making Istikharah cannot be used for Wajib actions; (e.g. Salah is
fardh, so no one can make Istikharah to decide whether they should pray Dhuhar / Asr /
Isha today.) Since marriage becomes fardh in some cases and it is highly recommended in
some cases how is the Istikharah allowed in this matter? Istikharah is allowed in the
marriage process because it is not wajib to marry this particular person we proposed it is
rather permissible to do so; therefore, Istikharah is made throughout the process of
marriage.

Al-Istishaarah (Consultation)

Al-Istikharah should not stop you from consulting others in making your decision.
One should consult those who know the person and who are fair and just in their
dealings
o Their family, friends, coworkers, associates, and even their ex (why did you
divorce?)
o Modern tools such as Google and social networks can be very informative
Records search (public, criminal, etc.)
Parents and Youth Communication
o Maintaining a line of open communication between Patents and the Youth
The sheikh mentioned the story of his friend who always felt safe
from the test of the opposite gender because before he entered high
school is father promised to support him in any way whenever he
wanted to get married.
o Advice for the Youth and for Parents when they want to have the talk about
marriage:
To the Youth
Be ready for questions from your parents (What is your plan
for your future? Why do you want to marry this particular
person? etc.)
Be aware of the Islamic perspective on family, life and purpose
of marriage. Discuss marriage with the youth in light of these
teachings
To the Parents
Listen
Be prepared to ask the right questions and listen to how the
youth responds (this will show if they are mature enough to
take on the responsibility of marriage)
Educate yourself in the proper Islamic perspective
32
Recognize the youth are a different generation who grew up in
a different time, which develops a different mentality, even
more so if they grow up in a different environment/culture
The Engagement and the Proposal
Page 26

Comes from the work khatb which literally mean the matter but refers
specifically to the engagement.
o It is a promise or commitment to marry a particular individual in the future.

The engagement takes effect when one party proposes and the receiving party
accepts.

Conditions when proposals are allowed and forbidden:
o Direct explicit proposals are forbidden but indirect proposals are allowed
under the following in the following situations:
To a woman whose husband passes away and she is in her iddah
(waiting period)
A woman who is divorced by her husband for the third time and is in
her waiting period
o Both direct explicit and indirect proposals are not allowed under the
following circumstances:
To a woman who is divorced for the first and second time by her
husband and is in her waiting period.
To a married woman
o Both direct explicit and indirect proposals are allowed in the following
circumstances:
To a woman after her waiting period who was not taken back by her
husband
To a single woman

Misconceptions about proposals:
o Proposals do not have a specific script or phrase
o Reciting Surat al-Fatihah is not part of the Sunnah
o The manner of a proposal can either be overt or implied
o It is permissible to offer ones daughter to a righteous person

33
It is not allowed for one to propose to someone while they are considering the
proposal of another per the hadith of the Prophet (saaw) (pg. 27) narrated in al
Bukhari.
o Even if the person is a fasiq (continuous sinner) he is still considered your
brother as this does not place him outside the fold of Islam.
o If the woman is considering a proposal from a non-Muslim (in the case that
she is from Ahal-Alkitab) the majority opinion is that one is not allowed to
propose either.
o It is forbidden for one to marry someone elses fianc but if it occurs and if all
the requirements of marriage are satisfied the marriage is still valid.

Some differences between engagement and marriage:
o In an engagement the fianc is not considered part of the family
o If an engagement is broken there is no idah (waiting period) if it is broken
o There is no Wali required for an engagement
o Marriage is a contract while an engagement is not
o There is no required mahr for an engagement
o Rights of marriage are not binding for an engagement
o Engagements can be broken and reinstated an unlimited number of times
while marriage is limited to three times
o The is no inheritance for the other party if one is to pass away while engaged
o There is no specific requirement for the format of the engagement

Looking at the Prospective Bride (pg. 28)

It is permissible and recommended for one to see his prospective bride before
marriage per the hadith of the Prophet (saaw) (pg. 28) narrated in Abu Dawood
o Maliki, ShafiI and Maliki say that one is allowed to look at only the hands
and face
o The madhbab of Al-Awzai says that one can look at the prospective bride as
she would be at home

Conditions that must be met in order to look:
o The look cannot be done out of lust of desire
Opinion of the Malikis
The Hanbalis, Shafiiees and Hanafiees all say that to look without
desire is not required as this is something you cannot control
o That one believes there is a reasonably high probability that they will marry
each other
o That they should be in their natural appearance
34
o It cannot be in a secluded place

Majority of scholars say that permission is not required and it may be preferred not
to as not make it apparent that this is the reason for rejection
o Sharing photos over the internet is not permissible and highly discouraged as
it is not safe and photos will always be available somewhere on the web even
if you delete them

First Impressions:
o One should smile, shake hands with confidence, be clean and fresh, and begin
with a greeting.
Smiling communicates four attributes:
Acceptance
Happiness
Confidence
Excitement/enthusiasm
First words should be the greeting of al-salaamu alaikum with a firm
handshake
This greeting expresses that peace will come from you and
they may feel safe from you
The appearance should be neat, clean, and fresh people can tell a lot
about someone by their appearance
The walk should be one of confidence
Indeed Haya is a good attribute however, during the first
impression one should radiate confidence and openness to the
other party

Meeting Your Future Spouse (pg. 30)

Meeting the prospective spouse is permissible as long as:
o It is not in a khalwa
o Should be with a mahram but this may depend on the situation and what
support the prospective bride has from her family

Meetings may be repeated if necessary

Meetings without a mahram in public are not permissible unless by necessity
35
o Private phone conversations, Internet, and texting are not considered khalwa
and therefore permissible as long as the proper etiquettes are maintained with
modesty (no intimate talk, sexual content, etc.)

Body language is very important and can have a great impact on the impression
o Motions such as looking at a watch (show that you are in in hurry), touching
your face (lying), placing your hands on your chin (judging), or crossing your
arms (being defensive) all promote negative impressions

Giving gifts during the engagement period is permissible, however, it is not
recommended that one make large investments during this time as it is not clear what
the conclusion of the engagement will be
o Generally, all commonly modest and known gifts are permissible (cards, flowers
in a vase, gift baskets, etc.)
o More personal gifts which violate the commonly accepted boundaries of
modesty are not permissible

The Engagement Ring:
o Both the engagement ring and party are generally permissible
As long as there are no beliefs linked with the effects which the ring will
have on the relationship between the involved parties
This is supported by the opinion of Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (pg.
32) that there is nothing wrong with rings in principle, unless
that is accompanied by some belief in which case it is haram
Men cannot wear rings made of gold based on the hadith of the
Prophet (saws) (pg.33) narrated in At-Tirmidhi

10 Topics to Discuss before marriage:
o Religion: Look for signs that one recognizes that they have room for
improvement and are receptive
What is your definition of a practicing Muslim?
Who do you taking your religious guidance from?
How often do you pray on time? (Fajr at the masjid?)
How do you reconcile between culture and religion?
o Children:
How many children do you want to have?
Islamic school vs. public school
What do you believe your obligations are to your children (as father or
mother)?
36
When do you expect to have children?
o Finances/Money Matters
Budget financial
Debt
Division of financial responsibilities
Loans halal or haram
Do you expect your wife to contribute? Do you plan to contribute to with
your husband?
Do you have financial obligations (parents? Other family members)
Wedding costs
What your life-style?
o Employment
How would you feel about me working?
What kind of job do you have?
Do you enjoy your job?
What is your work schedule/travel?
Do you want to work after having kids?
o Education
What level of education do you have? Want to achieve?
Do you read? What do you read?
What are your favorite subjects?
Will you finance my education?
o The Future
What do you want out of life?
How flexible or rigid are you with your future plans?
Do you plan on marrying more wives in the future?
Where do you want to live?
o The Past
Do you have any history of mental break down or criminal record?
Past relationships marriage? Kids?
Reputation in the community?
o Habits and Hobbies
Addictions (TV, Internet?)
What do you like to do with your free time?
Are you an indoor or outdoor person?
What are your pet peeves?
o Health
Are you health conscious?
Are you willing to take a medical exam before marriage?
Do you exercise?
37
Family history (genetics) common diseases
o Family
Are you family oriented
How is your relationship with your family?
What do you think about my family?
How would you handle a conflict between you and my family?

Red Flags (to be aware of):
o Controlling behavior
o Unfounded jealously
o Volatile temper
o Constant criticism
o Substance abuse
o Using physical force to solve problems
o Lying
o Rudeness
o Dirty/messy cloths

He/she will change - People usually dont change.

Breaking the Engagement (pg. 36)

It is not recommended for one to break the engagement because it is seen as
breaking a promise

Revenge is its own punishment and forgiveness is its own reward.
o Be mindful of making rebound proposals
o Trust Allahs decision
o Take a healing period
o One should get rid of old photos, emails, cards, etc. and completely end the
relationship
o It is important to come to terms with the dissolution and to have emotional
closure
o Contemplate on what went wrong

Gifts given during the engagement period 3 opinions
o 1 - One cannot ask for gifts given back based on that they are gifts and one is
not allowed to ask for gifts back
38
o 2 - One has the right to ask for all gifts back except for that which has been
consumed
o 3 - if the bride breaks the engagement she must give the gifts back but if the
groom breaks the engagement he is not allowed to ask for the gifts back

Marriage
page 38

Marriage is a contract aqdh between a man and a woman which allows them to
enjoy each other and build a family

Among the scholars there are differing opinions on what marriage is classified as an
action (recommended, required, or simply permissible)
o Some are of the opinion that it is required based upon the support in the
Quran and Sunnah, however, an evidence against this is that marriage is at
times mentioned alongside actions that are not obligatory and are addressed
as such (voluntary fasting).
o Other say marriage is simply permissible, and should actually be avoided if
possible; however, this opinion is not accepted as it contradicts the teachings
of the Quran and Sunnah regarding marriage.
o While others say that it depends, and that marriage can be obligatory,
recommended, simply permissible, disliked, and haram depending on the
circumstances.
o The stronger opinion is that marriage is considered as generally a
recommended act but is subject to the circumstances of each particular
situation and its ruling may fall into the other categories of acts depending
on the specific circumstances

For those who do not have the means to get married, it is recommended that they
should observe voluntary fasts based on the hadith of the Prophet (saaw) in al-
Bukhari
o It is permissible to consume foods that will reduce the sexual desire as long
as it does not completely eliminate it
It is haram to consume something for the purpose of completely
eliminating sexual desire

39

40
The Marriage Contract
The Integral components of the Marriage Contract

Rukn: Integrals/Pillars of the marriage contract, without which the entire contract
collapses.
Shuroot: Conditions that must be present prior to the contract.

X = Required
The Hanafee
Opinion

The Malikees
Opinion

The Shaafiee
Opinion

The Hanbali
Opinion

Conditions
Offer and
Acceptance
X X X X
Al-Wali X X X
Bride and
Groom
X X X
Dowry(Mahr) X
Two Witnesses X X

OFFER AND ACCEPTANCE (The Spoken Form) al-Ijaab wal Qabool

The offer usually comes from the brides side. For eg: her father may state, I want to
marry you to my daughter. The groom would then accept. The opposite can also
happen, where the offer comes from the groom and the bride accepts.

The Hanafi opinion states that it does not matter who initiated the offer as long as
an offer is given and is followed by an acceptance. However the vast majority of
scholars have said that the offer should come from the grooms side and the
acceptance should be from the brides side.

There are certain words that the scholars have agreed upon with regards to the
offer and acceptances, including any clear terms that give the meaning of the
marriage are acceptable, such as:
o I want to marry your daughter.
o I want to marry you to my daughter.
o I want you to be my daughters husband.

These are words that are unclear:
These terms are controversial
o I present to you, I give you, I sell to you
41

The Hanafi and Maalikee madhaahib state that any words that imply marriage so
that the witnesses understand them, they will be acceptable. As long as both parties
understand the words mean marriage, then it is acceptable.
o They based their opinion on the following aayah and Hadeeth:
[Soorah Al-AHzaab 33:50]
and a believing woman if she offers herself to the Prophet.
o Hadith: Go, I marry her to you for that much of the Quran which you have.
[Sahih Bukhari]

The Hanbali and Shaafiee madhaaib necessitate that the marriage will be acceptable
only if the following words from the Quran are used: An Nikaah and Az Zawaaj

Does it have to be in Arabic?
o The Hanafi and Maalikee Madhaaib allow the offer and acceptance to be given in
any language.
o The Hanbali and Shaafiee Madhaaib allow it if it is literally translated from the
Arabic. However if you know Arabic, then it is not permissible for this to be done
in any other language.

Can it be done in sign language or writing?
o The scholars say that if you can say it then you should. If you cannot, then you can
use sign language and a trusted translator or write it.

What if someone is joking?
o It is unacceptable to accept and then say, I was joking. This is a serious
commitment and promise.
o Umar ibn Al-Khattab said that, Marriage (Nikaah) , divorce (Talaaq),
commitment(Nadhr), and freeing a slave(,,Ataaq) are serious matters.

Conditions of the spoken form of the Contract
1. Offer and acceptance must be done in one sitting.
The Ulemaa said that if there is a long break, then it is not acceptable. If there
is a short break, then it is acceptable.
2. The acceptance must correspond to what is being offered.
If the wrong person is being addressed, then the whole contract is void and
the process has to be repeated again.
3. The contract must be a done deal at that moment.
A person cannot say, I ll marry her if she graduates from college. Conditions
regarding the future cannot be placed on the acceptance.
A person should not say, I accept, inshaAllah. The vast majority of the
fuqahaa say that the whole process must be repeated again because it raises
42
a doubt if inshaAllah is said. Some scholars allowed it if it was said for
Barakah.

Can one party do it?
o One person may be able to represent both the bride and the groom. For Eg: a
grandfather may marry his grandson to his great-granddaughter. Also, if two
orphans wish to marry, a judge can act as the wali for both. Like I am the
representative and also I am the man/woman or you are the wali and the bride at
the same time.

o If a man wants to marry a girl but he is her wali, the scholars (like Ibn Hajar, Ibn
Qudamah and Shaafiee scholars) say this is permissible if the witnesses hear her for
this is the incident when
o Umm Hakeem asked,, Abdur Rahman ibn Awf to be her wali and stated that she
would agree to marry whoever he chose for her. Abdur Rahman chose himself.
Ibn Abi Dhib said, This incident happened in front of the companions and they
approved it.

Does the marriage contract need to be documented in court?
o In the past, a verbal contract was sufficient but presently, it is highly recommended
to document the marriage to protect your rights (i.e. inheritance etc). In case a
dispute arises, documentation will be helpful in court. However, the marriage is still
Islamically valid if the contract is not documented.

Does a marriage contract need to be done by a Shaykh?
o This is not a pillar of marriage but since people are often ignorant today, it is
advisable to have Shaykh present to ensure that the contract is done properly.

What information must the marriage contract include?
o The name of the bride and groom and their addresses.
o The description of the bride, including: if she was divorced, include the finishing
date of her Iddah if appropriate, if she is a virgin.
o The name of the wali or wasi (appointed by father to take care of his children after
his death). If the wali is not able to be present, include the name of his
representative.
o Names of the witnesses and their information.
o The dowry: amount, whether it was paid in advance, based on current currency or
the currency of the following years, whether it was paid in the form of cash, check,
etc.
o Date of the marriage
o Conditions: i.e. do not marry another woman without my permission; do not work;
live in my city, etc.

43
Charging money for documentation
o This is permissible since it involves work and time.

TWO CONTRACTING PARTIES (The Bride and the Groom)

Who are the ones you are not allowed to marry?

[Surah An-Nisaa 4:22-24]

Categories:
1. People you cannot marry forever
2. People you cannot marry for temporary reason (i.e. two sisters)

Those that you are forever forbidden to marry:
o Through blood relation
o Though marriage relation
o Through breast-feeding relation

44
45
46

47
Breastfeeding
o The Prophet (saws) said Breastfeeding makes forbidden what is forbidden through
blood relations.
[Sahih Muslim]

Conditions of the breastfeeding for it to be effective:
1. Minimum amount of suckling
2. Right age

The child was breast fed the minimum amount of milk. There are 5 different opinions on
this condition:
(Note: The point is how many times the child drinks, not how many times the woman
removes milk from her breast.)

1. Imam Maalik, Imam Abu Hanifa, Ali, Saeed ibn Musayyib, ibn Abbas, Al-Hasan Al-
Basri stated that one suckling is sufficient to establish a mahram relationship. Their
evidence includes
a. The ayah in Surah An-Noor that states, Prohibited to you [for marriage] are
. your [milk] mothers who nursed you. This ayah does not specify an
amount of milk that is necessary so the rule is based on the minimum.
b. Also, the Hadeeth stating, Fosterage is through hunger (i.e. in
infancy)[Sahih Muslim]
c. However, Abdullah ibn Zubayr disagreed with this and stated that three
sucklings was the minimum.
2. Aisha, ibn Hazm, and ash-Shaafiee said that five separate sucklings were necessary
to bring about a mahram relationship. Their proof was the following statement of
Aisha: Aisha reported that it had been revealed in the Holy Quran that ten clear
sucklings make the marriage unlawful, then it was abrogated (and substituted) by
five sucklings and Allahs Apostle died and it was before that time (found) in the
Holy Quran (and recited by the Muslims). [Sahih Muslim]
The ruling remains although we no longer recite this ayah.
3. Umm Salamah and Hafsah said that ten separate sucklings were necessary.
However, Tawoos (a student of ibn Abbas) said that this was only in relation to the
mothers of the believers.
4. Another narration mentioned seven sucklings necessary.
5. Ad-Dhaahiree, Saeed ibn Zubayr, Abu Thawr, Ishaq ibn Rahawayh and ibn Mundhir
said that three times was necessary because: The Prophet(saws) said, One suckling
or two do not make (marriage) unlawful.[Sahih Muslim]

o The minimum, therefore, is three sucklings. There is no contradiction between this
Hadeeth and Aishas above so five sucklings is best.
48

o The breastfeeding must take place during the first two years.
Mothers may nurse [i.e. breastfeed] their children two complete years for whoever
wishes to complete the nursing [period]. [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:233]

The Prophet (saws) said:
Fosterage is through hunger (i.e. in infancy)[Sahih Muslim]
Also The Prophet (saws) said:
The only suckling (to be considered) is that which gives life to the bones and causes
the flesh to grow[Abu Dawood]
The chain of narrators is unknown for this hadeeth.

The Maalikees and Shafiees used these proofs to show that the period of nursing
must take place at the right age, which is before the child reaches the age of two
years.

o The milk has to be the only source of food that makes the body of the baby so this
necessitates that this takes place during the first two years of life.
o It causes pain to a woman when milk gets stuck in her breast. When this happened
to a mans wife, he tried to help her and accidentally swallowed some milk so they
went to speak with Abu Musaa Al-Asharee about this incident. He said, I think you
cannot touch her anymore. When ibn Masoud heard about this, he asked, Does he
look like an infant? [Muwatta].

This shows that this only applies during the first two years of a childs life.

o One woman did not want her husband to have relations with their slave girl so she
breastfed her. However, Umar bin Al-Khattab said that this does not create a
mahram relationship because the girl was grown.

o Ibn Hazm disagrees with this condition that breastfeeding must be done within the
first two years to be effective and holds that age is not a factor.

He uses the following Hadeeth as proof:
Aisha reported that Sahla bint Suhail came to the Prophet (saws) and said:
Messenger of Allah, I see on the face of Abu Hudhaifa (signs of disgust) on the
entering of Salim into (our house), whereupon the Prophet (saws) said: Suckle him.
She said: How can I suckle him as he is a grown-up man? The Prophet (saws) said:
I already know that he is a young man. [Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim]

o Scholars say that this was related to a single incident, involving a specific person.
They also say that this Hadeeth was abrogated on other aHadeeth.

o However, ibn Taymiyyah stated that it is not proper to disregard any piece of
evidence. It is more proper to say that this can be done in any situation like Sahlas,
where it becomes very hard for you to prevent a person from coming into the house
49
(i.e. you adopt a child and breastfeed him by putting milk into a cup for him to
drink). Ibn Al Qayyim and Al-Shwkani adopted this opinion too.

Relationships that make marriage forbidden fall under two categories:

Permanent and temporary: Those that are permanent have been discussed in an earlier
chapter; here we will focus on marriages that are temporarily forbidden.

Those whom for temporary reasons you are forbidden to marry

While being married to a woman, one cannot marry her sisters or any of her aunts as
the Prophet (saws) said: A woman and her paternal aunt should not be married to the
same man; and similarly, a woman and her maternal aunt should not be married to the
same man. [Sahih Bukhari by Abu Hurairah]

The one who divorced his wife three times is also forbidden from marrying her again,
until she remarries another man. Her new marriage must be genuine, consummated,
and end by death or divorce.

So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably), he cannot after that, re-marry her until
after she has married another husband and he has divorced her. In that case there is no
blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits
ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand.[Surah Al-Baqarah
2:230]

Imam Shafiee said there is a consensus amongst the scholars that a man cannot marry
more than four wives. Some amongst deviant sects claim that 9 or 18 wives are
permissible. Al-Qurtabi said this is ridiculous and unacceptable as evidenced by the
Quran when Allah (swt) says:

And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then
marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall
not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that
your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. [Surah Al-
Nisaa 4:30]

Hence at no time should a Muslim man have more than four wives. If however, he
divorces one of his four wives for the third time, then he cannot marry another woman
even before her and his Iddah has ended because until the end of her Iddah they are
still married to one another. It is also impermissible to marry a woman who is already
married to another man even if she is in her Iddah (waiting period).

50
In the situation in which a man has made a liaan against his wife, she is impermissible
for him until he professes that he had lied and repents.

It is also impermissible to marry a woman who is not Jewish, Christian or a non-Muslim
unless she enters one of these religions and satisfies the condition of marrying a woman
from ahlul-Kitaab.

Allah (swt) says:

And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah
Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah
(idolatress, etc), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in
marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave
is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you
[Surah Al-Baqarah 2:221]

Age and the Marriage Contract

There is no minimum age requirement for a legal marriage contract. In fact, a contract
can exist even if those spoken of are one year olds. However, in order to consummate
the marriage, it must be consensual and they must both have reached the age of
puberty. The proof that there is no minimum age requirement is in the following verse
where Allah (swt) talks about the marriage contract of women too immature to have
their monthly cycle.

Allah (swt) says:

And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the
Iddah (prescribed period), is three months, and for those who have no courses (i.e. they
are still immature) their Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise [Surah
Al-Talaq 65:4]

We also see evidence from the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). The marriage
contract between the Prophet (saws) and Aisha (ra) was written when she was just six
years old, however they did not consummate the marriage until she had reached the
age of puberty, which was at nine years old. Abu Dawood narrates that she had become
a full-grown woman. Imam Abu Haneefah, Imam Shaafi, Imam Maalik, and Imam
Ahmed noted that whenever a female is capable of intercourse (reached puberty) she
can get married.

Marrying at an early age however also depends on the maturity of both parties;
therefore, it is important for parents to raise their children as responsible beings who
can care for themselves and others. Although some may frown upon the idea of
marriage at a young age, it has been well endorsed throughout the world. Just recently,
in California, the legal age for marriage was 12 years old. In India, during the 16
th

51
century, a young prince just 8 years old had four wives. In Belgium, a woman named
Jaclyn was married when she was 5 years old to John, the son of the Kin. Margaret, a
woman who later became the queen of France was married at the age of three to King
Charles who was 13 at the time. Indeed marriage at a young age has been well
documented for centuries and there are several other examples. The important thing is
that there can be no harm done unto the female. Furthermore, even if her marriage
contract was validly written during her childhood she must agree to the marriage when
she has reached the age of puberty otherwise the marriage is invalid; as the Prophet
(saws) said:

A matron should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin
should not be given in marriage except after her permission. The people asked, O
Allahs Apostle! How can we know her permission? He said, Her silence (indicates her
permission). [Sahih Bukhari by Abu Hurairah]

Maturity does not just play a role in a persons ability to lead a household, but also in
their compatibility with a potential spouse. Abu Bakr as Siddiq (ra) and Umar ibn al
Khattab (ra) both proposed to Fatimah (ra) (the daughter of the Prophet (saws), he
refused them because they were both too old for her. Instead, he married his beloved
daughter to Ali (ra).

Marrying a woman of Ahlul-Kitaab

Made lawful to you this day are At-Tayyibat [all kinds of Halal (lawful) foods, which
Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, etc., milk products, fats,
vegetables and fruits, etc.). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals, etc.) of the
people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to
them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste
women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Chirstians) before your
time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his
wife at the time of the marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock)
not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends. And
whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allah and in all the other Articles of Faith [i.e.
His(Allahs) Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al-
Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will
be among the losers. [Surah Al-Maidah 5:5]

The verse above in Surah Maidah makes it permissible for a Muslim man to marry a
chaste woman from Ahlul-Kitaab, however some claim that this was abrogated with the
revealation of the following verse from Surah al-Baqarah:

And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah
Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah
(idolatress, etc), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in
52
marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave
is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-
Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness
by His Leave, and makes his Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations,
etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember. [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:221]

This is a weak argument because soorat al-Maidah was one of the last surahs revealed
and it is not possible for a surah to be abrogated by a verse that precedes it. Hence,
soorat al-Baqarah, which was revealed earlier in time, cannot abrogate soorat al-
Maidah. However, some scholars assert that soorat al-Baqarah was not revealed as a
whole; some of it was revealed along with the last revelations. There is no proof of this
therefore it is insufficient to abrogate the verse. Although this settles the issue of
whether or not it is ok for men to marry women from Ahlul-Kitaab, a great debate
ensues on who should be considered amongst this group.

Who are Ahlul-Kitaab?
o Several scholars formed different opinions on this matter. Some of the scholars of
the early generations, Ibn Abbas, Ataa and some Shafai scholars said that Ahlul-
Kitaab are the Jews and the Christians but exclude the Arab Jews and Christians.
Their reasoning was that the Arabs were on the religion of Ibrahim and then they
rejected and turned to something else. This however, is not a strong opinion.

o IbnAbbas(ra) and Imam As-Shafai(ra) said its allowed to marry from Christians
and Jews. However, he excluded the Jews and Christians who were in a state of war
with the Muslims. He asserted that it is impermissible to marry those who are at
war with the Muslims.

Allah (swt) says:

And fight not with them at Al-Masjid-al-Haram (the sanctuary at Makkah), unless
they (first) fight you there. But if they attack you, then kill them [Surah Al-
Baqarah 2:191]

This verse indicates that when being fought against the Muslim should fight back.
Ibn Abbas was of the opinion that if Muslims have been ordered to fight those who
fight them, then it would seem contradictory to marry them. It is for these reasons
that Ibn Abbas excluded from Ahl al-Kitaab those who are in a state of war with
Muslims. Ataa said, this is a very good opinion. Ibraheem An-Nakhaiee liked what
Ibn Abbas said. Al-Qurtubi too approved of Ibn Abbas opinion on this matter, but he
did not adopt it. Despite this, many Sahaba married Christian women who were at
war with Muslims.

o On the other hand, Ibn Umar completely forbade marriage to a Christian or Jew. This
however, goes against the consensus of companions. Regarding Ibn Umars opinion,
Ibn Taymiyyah said it is wrong. Also, Ibn Mundhir said that it has not been
53
authentically reported and should be rejected on that basis. Other scholars like Al-
Qurtubi and An-Nahhas note that this goes against what is accepted by the Jamaah
and it has not been adopted or reported by anyone else. In addition, several
companions and Tabiees have demonstrated the permissibility of marrying non-
Muslim women by taking a Christian or Jewish woman as a wife; among these are
Uthman (ra). He married a Christian woman who later became Muslim. Jabir Ibn
Abd El-Lah, Hudhaifa, Saed IBn Musayyib,, Al-Hasan Al-Basri, Saed ibn Jubair,
Mujahid, Tawoos Ash-Shabee, and several others also married Christian or Jewish
women.

o Many scholars follow the opinion of Ibn Qudamah, he states that anyone who claims
to follow the scripture of Prophets Musa (as) or Isa (as) is permissible to marry. He
also asserts that members of new Christian sects who differ from mainstream
Christians, are still considered Ahl al-Kitaab as long as they follow the scriptures of
either the Prophet Isa(as) or Musa(as). If, however, somebody claims that their book
is newly revealed then it is not permissible for Muslim men to marry their women.
Hence, marriage to Jewish and Christian women is permissible, but according to the
Shaykh it should be categorized as not recommended (makruh) rather than
permissible. This is because of the narration of the Prophet (saws) when he said:

Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and
their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).[Al-Bukhari by Abu Huraira]

o From this hadeeth, we learn that the Prophet (saws) recommended marriage to a
devoted Muslim woman, hence marrying a non-Muslim woman is a clear deviation
from this hadeeth. Furthermore, a situation where many Muslim men marry non-
Muslim women would harm Muslim women. Who would marry them? It should also
be noted that, religion cannot be forced therefore if the non-Muslim wife wants to
drink wine, read the bible, hang a cross it is permissible for her to do so. This is
likely to influence the spiritual condition of the children.

o Furthermore , in western countries if divorce occurs the wife is likely to take the
children. She can the raise them as she wills. For this reason and many others, some
scholars would like to say it is haram to marry non-Muslim women in the west,
however because Allah (swt) made it permissible, they fear saying it is haram while
Allah (swt) has called it halal. The compatibility of a non-Muslim woman is also
questionable because the difference in belief is likely to affect several practical
aspects of the couples life and relationship with extended family.

o When Talha married a Jewish woman, Umar Ibn Al-Khattab asked him to divorce
her. Umar noted that he is making this request not because it is haram to marry a
non-Muslim woman, but because Talha was poised to be in a position of authority
amongst the Muslims. He was among the six nominated to be the next Khalifah and
Umar did not want him to have the influence of a non-Muslim woman around him.
Hence, it is more accurate to say that marriage to a non-Muslim woman is disliked.
54
However, if a Muslim man wants to marry a woman from Ahlul-Kitaab, there are
certain conditions and criteria that must be met.

Conditions for marrying women from Ahl Al-Kitaab

1. She must be practicing her religion. She has to claim to believe and follow either
Judaism or Christianity. She also cannot be from a group that is currently at war
with Muslims (cannot be from ahlul-harb). Regarding marriage

Allah (swt) says:
Made lawful to you this day is At-Tayyibat [all kinds of Halal (lawful) foods, which
Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, etc., milk products, fats,
vegetables and fruits, etc.). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals, etc.) of the
people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to
them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste
women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Chirstians) before your
time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to
his wife at the time of the marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal
wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.
And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allah and in all the other Articles of
Faith [i.e. His(Allahs) Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of
Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and
in the Hereafter he will be among the losers. [Surah Al-Maidah 5:5]

Some scholars hold the opinion that the word muhsanat is used to indicate that it is
impermissible to marry a woman who is a slave or otherwise not free. However, the
majority of scholars believe that the word muhsanat in the verse means chaste
(afeefah), hence, if a woman is a prostitute or promiscuous, it is not permissible to
marry her. Since this applies to the believing women, it would be applied to an even
higher degree with non-Muslim women. If however, the woman had a boyfriend in
the past, repented and no longer does such things, then it is permissible to marry
her.

55
The marriage contract of non-Muslims

The marriage contract between two non-Muslims is a valid contract. If a non-Muslim
couple both converted to Islam, they are not asked to renew their marriage contract
since they are already married.

Whether or not they were married by a priest, rabbi, or alone are irrelevant. The
evidence for this is in the Quran, in surah Al-Masad (111:4) Allah (swt) called Abu-
Lahabs wife as his wife. All consequences that depend on a valid marriage
(inheritance laws etc.) apply to the same extent as in any Islamic marriage contract.
However, if only one of the spouses converts to Islam then the ruling changes
depending on the situation.

For example, if both spouses were Jewish or Christian, than the husband converts to
Islam, then there is no impact on the marriage contract. It is still valid since Muslim
men are allowed to marry women from Ahlul-Kitaab. If the couple was Hindu and
then the husband converts than he must invite his wife to Islam and ask her to
convert. If she chooses not to convert to Islam, than he cannot live with her.

If a married woman converts to Islam and her husband is not Muslim, the
relationship comes to an immediate end; however, there is a three-month waiting
period for her. If her husband chooses to convert to Islam during the waiting period,
than their marriage contract remains valid. If after three months, he does not choose
to be a Muslim it is up to her to either wait for him indefinitely or marry a Muslim
man. Even if he becomes Muslim within one year and she has not entered into a new
marriage contract, scholars say they can go back to each other. This is because the
Prophet (saws)s daughter Zaynab was married to Abu Al-As ibn Ar-Rabee. When
she accepted Islam Abu Al-As ibn Ar-Rabee was not Muslim. She separated from
him and later moved to Medinah and left Abu Al-As ibn Ar-Rabee in Makkah. After
one-year Abu Al-As ibn Ar-Rabee came to Medinah as a Muslim and the Prophet
(saws) let him, go back to his wife under the same contract.

Some modern scholars claim that the Muslim woman who is married to a non-
Muslim man is allowed to live with him, have intercourse with him, and behaves as a
normal wife during her waiting period. This opinion has no basis or evidence. It is
very weak and goes against textual evidence.

Some existing tribes in Africa have men who have typically hundreds of wives. In
such a situation where a man with more than four wives converts to Islam, he must
choose four amongst them and divorce the rest. This is because Allah (swt) says:

And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then
marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you
shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the
56
slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing
injustice. [Surah Al-Nisaa 4:30]

Under no circumstances is a Muslim female allowed to marry a non-Muslim man.
There is a consensus on its impermissibility. This is because Allah (swt) says

O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine
them, Allah knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true
believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the
disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them. But give the
disbelievers that (amount of money) which they have spent [as their Mahr] to them.
And there will be no sin on you to marry them if you have paid their Mahr to them.
Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives, and ask for (the return of) that
which you have spent (as Mahr) and let them (the disbelievers, etc.) ask back for
that which they have spent. That is the judgement of Allah. He judges between you.
And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise. [Surah Al-Mumtahina 60:10]

In a marriage one who dominates in many aspects is the man. Muslim men can
marry non-Muslim women, because in Islam we respect the bible and the Torah and
the Prophets Musa and Isa (as). If it were the other way around and the Muslim
woman was married to a non-Muslim man he would not respect the Quran, fasting,
the Prophet (saws), and other aspects of Islam. This may lead to possible abuse of
the woman. Hence, there is a great deal of wisdom behind this ruling. Furthermore,
In Islam, the children follow the religion of their father; therefore it is imperative
that the father is someone capable of providing an example of a strong Muslim.

In the situation where a woman converts to Islam her marriage contract with the
non-Muslim man is invalid if they did not consummate and she does not receive any
mahr. If she was given a dowry she must return it since she was the one who
absolved the marriage contract. If however, a Hindu husband becomes a Muslim
before the consummation of his marriage with his Hindu wife, the marriage is
annulled with no divorce, but the wife keeps half of the mahr.

When selecting a spouse it is important to be aware of the factors that make each
person compatible and permissible for each other. This was Marthad ibn Abi
Marthad al-Ghanawis concern when he asked the Prophet (saws) if he can marry
Anaaq. Marthad used to smuggle prisoners outside of Makkah and into Medinah.
One day as he was taking a prisoner on his way to Medinah Marthad put the
prisoner down and stopped to rest. In the distance, he saw Anaaq coming towards
him. They recognized each other since Anaaq is a known prostitute in Makkah and
she used to entertain Marthad when he was a non-Muslim. She invited him for a
drink and rekindle their old ways, but Marthad objected and explained that he was
now a Muslim and does not do these things. Anaaq told him to marry her, but
Marthad was unsure whether or not it was permissible to do so. Anaaq felt offended
and turned towards Makkah and shouted someone is stealing your prisoner.
57
Marthad ran with the prisoner to Medinah and asked the Prophet (saws), Can I
marry Anaaq? Marthad recounts

I came to the Prophet (saws) and said: O Messenger of Allah, should I marry
Anaaq? He remained silent and did not answer me. Then the words and the
adulteress-fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer-fornicator or a
Mushrik were revealed. He called me and recited them to me, and said: Do not
marry her. [Abu Dawood]

In a similar situation, a Muslim man asked the Prophet (saws) about a prostitute
named Umm Mahzul. She told the Muslim man to marry her and she would include
in the marriage contract that she would spend on her husband from the money she
makes. The Muslim man went to the Prophet (saws) and asked him about this
situation and the Prophet (saws) recited the verse where Allah (swt) says

The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or Mushrikah and the adulteress none
marries her except an adulterer or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who
agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan
or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely he is either an adulterer or a Mushrik
(polytheist, pagan or idolater, etc.) And the woman who agrees to marry (have a
sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer, then
she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress,
etc.)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism). [Surah
An-Noor 24:3]

Some scholars claim that the word nikah in this verse should not be understood as
marriage; rather it should be understood as fornication. They said a fornicator will
not fornicate except with someone like him or a kaafir. This is the opinion of Ahl at-
Tafseer (i.e. ibn Kathir, Tabari, etc.) and the jurists. This is also the opinion of Ibn
Abbas (ra). Regarding this debate Ibn Al-Qayyim said, translating the word nikah as
having intercourse is unacceptable and improper. He took the opinion of Ibn
Taymiyyah who said that this verse refers to marriage and that it is impermissible
to marry a fornicator. Ibn Al-Qayyim said that it is important to examine the reasons
why the verse was revealed (sabab e nuzul) when looking for clarification on its
meaning. He also said that when the Marthad approached the Prophet (saws) about
Umm Mahzul, he asked Can I marry her? NOT Can I fornicate with her; In other
words, he was asking about marriage, he already knew that fornication was
impermissible.

Some of the scholars, who understand the word nikah to mean fornication, use the
following verse as evidence as Allah (swt) says:

Forbidden are to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your
sisters, your fathers sisters, your mothers sisters, your brothers daughters, your
sisters daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling
58
sisters, your wives mothers, your step daughters under your guardianship, born of
your wives to whom you have gone in but there is no sin if you have not gone in
them (to marry their daughters), - the wives of your sons who (spring) from your
own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except what has already
passed; verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [Surah An-Nisaa 4:23]

These scholars claim that this verse includes all the women who are forbidden for
marriage and the fornicator is not included in this verse. Ibn Al-Qayyim responded
by pointing out that this verse does not mention that the aunts of a mans wife are
haram for marriage. Therefore, this verse cannot be used as the only source for
making rulings on who is permissible for marriage.

Regarding marriage to fornicators, Imam Ash-Shafiee ruled that it was permissible.
According to him, the following verse, which authorizes marriage to women, in
general, abrogates the verse, which mentions the impermissibility of marriage to
fornicators. Allah (swt) says:

And marry those among You who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the
woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Salihun (pious, fit and capable
ones) of Your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). [Surah An-Noor
24:32]

Imam Shafiee also supports his opinion using the following hadeeth:

A man came to the Prophet (saws) and said Verily, my wife does not prevent the .
responded and said I worry that I will follow her [will be unable to stay away from
her], then enjoy her [with that deficiency]. [Abu Dawood]

He claims that this hadeeth proves that a man can be married to a loose woman. Ibn
Al-Jawzi includes this hadeeth in his collection of fabricated ahadeeth.

Al-Shawkani argues that this hadeeth is not viable evidence, as the hadeeth does not
indicate that the woman was a prostitute or a fornicator. Imam Ahmad was of the
opinion that it is forbidden to marry a fornicator; however, if the fornicator repents
from their sin than it is permissible to take him or her in marriage. Shaykh Waleed
mentioned that Imam Ahmads opinion is the correct opinion.

If a boyfriend and girlfriend fornicate, can they get married?
The majority of the scholars say that yes they can IF they repent.

Islamically, when a couple approaches an imam for nikah, he should not investigate
whether or not the couple has committed this grave sin.

What if she is pregnant from adultery, can she marry the adulator? The scholars said
if the baby is his then No; if the baby is not his then they have to wait until she gets
59
pregnant. Ibn Al-Qayyim disagreed with the opinion that if the baby is from him he
cant marry her. It was reported that Sibaa Ibn Thaabit (who had a son from
previous marriage) married a woman who too had a daughter from a previous
marriage. The young son and the young daughter fornicated and admitted it. The
woman became pregnant and presented their case to Umar ibn al-Khattab (ra).
Umar applied the prescribed punishment, and then offered them to marry each
other.

AL-WALI (The brides guardian)

Responsibilities: needs to investigate any prospects to choose the best person for
the girl.
The one that knows the girl the best and loves her most, so they are going to choose
who they believe is in the best interests of the girl.
If they misuse their power, they will lose it.
Conditions of Wali:
Physical maturity
Sanity
Mental maturity
Not being in a state of ihram
Muslim (sheikh doesnt see this is a definite condition because a non-muslim
father would know his daughter better than the imam of the masjid)
Wali: should be the closest male relative
Father
Wassi (the person appointed)
Granddad
Full brother
Governor/judge is the wali for those who dont have a wali (hadith)

Note: sheikh Waleed hasnt witnessed a blessed marriage of a couple that rejected their
sane parents support.

Surah 2, Ayah 232: Hanafi mathhab says this ayah supports opinion of not having a wali,
but vast majority says this isnt clear proof.

Hadith: The difference between zina and nikah is a wali.
o If the wali is absent, either the appointed person or the next person in succession
becomes the wali.
60
A wali cant marry off the bride without her final consent.
If the bride is a new Muslim, the father can be the wali, otherwise it will be the judge/
imam of the masjid.

Commissioning in Marriage Contacts

Commissioner: needs to be
Male
Sane
Physical maturity
Freedom

The commissioner has to follow the prospects directions

A commission could issue the marriage from himself but it would be sinful since it is
breaking a promise.

THE WITNESS AND PUBLICITY OF THE MARRIAGE

Hanafi fiqh: the witness for the marriage contract can also be women

THE DOWRY (Al-Mahr)
Not a pillar of the marriage contract
This step is wajib, harm not to give mahr
Hadith: Any man who says he will give a mahr and doesnt will meet Allah as a fornicator

In Arab culture sometimes the brides mother will take 50% of the mahr, but this has no
bases in Islam.

Conditions of the Mahr:
- Purity (no alcohol)
- Has value (not your granddads notebook)
- Can be delivered (cant be cattle somewhere else)
- Known (no surprise)

Mahr can be any amount of money, but the sharia warns to not make the amount
impossible to be paid (it depends on the grooms income and ability)

Vast majority says that the mahr needs to have an actual value. So even $1 counts.
Ibn Qayim says that mahr can be intangible (but the Quran explicitly said money is needed,
Surah 2, Verse 236)
61

Fiqh ruling: dont leave the clear for something unclear.
Note: each of rasulillahs wives had a dowry of 500 dirhams. Only Umm Habiba got a
mahr of 4000 dirhams because her mahr was paid by the king of Abasyinnia.

There is a hadith that explains how Umm Sulaima accepted Abu Talhah if he
embraced Islam. But this isnt accepted at definitive proof for a mahr that doesnt
need a value. This embracing of Islam can be considered as a condition for marriage.
There was no inclination that a mahr wasnt given later.

When is the wife entitled to her mahr?
- If a death occurs after the marriage contract, and there is no consummation, the
wife is still entitled to her mahr.
- If there is consummation after marriage, the entire mahr is entitled
- 50% of the mahr is entitled if the marriage contract is broken later but there is
no consummation.
- Note: if husband dies before the mahr is entitled, then the amount given is what
is seen as the average amount of mahr at that time.
What is considered consummation?
- Majority of scholars say that if the couple is alone privately and they express love
- The 4 Khulafa after Rasulillah saw consummation as the couple just being alone
even once, and if nothing happened.
- Ibn Abbas had the opinion that consummation is only intercourse, nothing else.
When does wife lose all of her mahr?
- When she breaks off the marriage (Khulq)
- If the judge nullifies the marriage.

MUTUAL CONSENT:
Bukhari has the opinion that forced marriages dont count

Another group of scholars say that a forced marriage for a virgin girl is allowed but
she has every right to end the marriage at any time.
- The contract of the forced marriage is valid but the girl has the right to accept or
decline (a judge can be called into cancel contract)
- Note Abu Hanifa said a forced marriage for a virgin doesnt count.

If a previously married is forced into a marriage, it doesnt count. There is a
consensus on this opinion.

62
SUITABLE MATCH
- Only woman can use this aspect of marriage
- The girl decides if husband is suitable
- Note: if after marriage, wife deems husband not suitable, she can have a judge
cancel the marriage and she keeps her mahr.
- This isnt to be discriminatory, it is to empower muslim woman to choose
someone they will be happy with.
- One considered quality to be suitable if lineage or ethnicity, but this is for more
of a tribal society and islam doesnt support this via proof of Osama bin zaid, a
slave, being recommended to Fatimah bint Qais, who was a noble woman.
FREE OF THE HINDERANCES THAT FORBID MARRIAGE

a. Marrying in the state of ihram.
- Aisha and Abdullah ibn Masud RA believed that a contract in ihram is allowed
but consummation isnt.
- Rasulillah said the who is in a state of ihram should not marry, or give someone
into marriage not engage (Muslim). But there is another hadith by Ibn Abbas
that says that Rasulillah had married maimoonah when he was in a state of
ihram (Bukhari and Muslim).
o The scholars see this apparent contradiction in two ways
Radical: cancel one with the stronger authentic hadith
Moderate: accept both but see that one clarifies the other, or that
the one with maimoonah was a special case just for Rasulillah.
To add the hadith in which Ibn Abbas says Rasulillah married in
ihram actually has another hadith in which clarifies it, saying that
Rasulillah was actually wed in Medina before setting off for hajj, so
Rasulillah wasnt in the state of ihram. This hadith is used to clarify
the previous contradiction as a misunderstanding.
b. Marrying a woman in her iddah (3 month waiting period after divorce or death of
husband).
- This is a great sin and separation happens immediately.
- If there is a marriage and consummation occurs in the womans iddah, Imam
Malik and Ahmed share the opinion that the marriage is voided and the two are
forbidden to marry indefinitely as a punishment for the great sin.
- Imam Shafiee has the opinion that separation occurs until the original iddah is
finished. This is seen as the strongest opinion.
- The majority of the sahabah and Shiekh Waleed share the opinion that if
marriage and consummation occurs during the womans iddah, she has to finish
63
her original iddah and then afterwards wait another iddah (3 months) as
punishment.

PLACING PREREQUISITIES IN MARRIAGE CONTRACT

Note: The vast majorities say that conditions in the marriage contract arent valid if
the Quran and Sunnah dont already ordain it.

Imam Ahmad and Shiekh Waleed share the opinion that only conditions that
contradict the Quran and sunnah are invalid and will nullify the marriage contract.
- Imam Ahmad use the hadith Indeed, the conditions that are most worthy of
fulfillment are the ones which stipulate to make intercourse with the woman
lawful to you (Bukhari and Muslim).

Invalid conditions will nullify the marriage contract. So the ruling is that they are
taken out and the contract accepted.

Some conditions wont nullify the contract but are still invalid. An example is saying
that the husband is not financially responsible of the wife, or this marriage has to be
kept a secret indefinitely.

PROHIBITED AND QUESTIONABLE MARRIAGE CONTRACTS

Nikaah ash-shighaar: one man marries another mans daughter in exchange of the
man marrying his own daughter. In this exchange, neither of the woman receive
their due mahr.

Nikaah al-mutah: marriage contract that specifies an amount of time for how long
the couple stays married, it would be a few years or it could be a few minutes. Very
prevalent in the Shia sects.
- Note: there is an authentic hadith narrated by Ali ibn Abi Talib that says
Rasulillah prohibited al-mutah. Ironically who this is said by since it is the Shia
that allows this type of marriage and even promotes the supposed barakah in it.

Nikaah al-tahleel: a man marries woman with the intention to divorce her and make
her permissible to her previous husband that divorced her 3x.

Nikaah with the intention of divorce: Scholars say this contract is valid but the
intention is evil and sinful.

64

Wedding

The waleemah is highly recommended, some scholars even say wajib.

Maliki mathhab say the waleemah should be after consummation. Majority of scholars
accept this view but it isnt set in stone.

The husband should pay for the wedding.

If one is invited, it is highly recommended to attend a waleemah function.

Waleemah should be fun and lively, happy and joyful.
- Some scholars say only the duuf is allowed during this celebration
- Some scholars say that all instruments are allowed but this is clarified that its
only on the womans side and both sexes should be separated from sight.
o Hadith of Rasulillah says one should not enter where woman gather.
If a waleemah has sinful acts in it, it shouldnt be attended, or at the least be there for as
long as you need to then respectfully leave.

65
The Wedding Night

Remember: the most important part of the day is the first 60secs you see your spouse after
not seeing them in a long time. This sets up the rest of the day.

List of 10 to do:
1. Dress up and smell good for your spouse
2. Use the cutest nicknames for your spouse
3. Dont treat him/her like a fly
4. If you see wrong, ignore it and dont comment
5. Smile whenever you see your spouse and embrace them after
6. Thank your spouse what they did, then thank them again
7. Have them write 10 great things you did for them
8. Dont belittle their desires
9. Be humorous and play games
10. Remember Rasulillah said The best amounts you is the best to your family
Is it sunnah to pray 2 rakahs with your spouse on the wedding night?
- Actually Rasulillah never did this. It was the sahaba that only recommended it
Fear on the wedding night?
- Let your love guide the night, not your lust.
If you get nervous easily
- Smile
- Train yourself to breath, use all of your lungs, slow your breaths
- Diet can also affect your jitters (Physiology impacts psychology)
o Low carb diets give you more control over your mood
How to be Irresistible?
- Walk with confidence, to look shy.
- Perfect the gaze, the wink, smile with your eyes

66
Marital Life

Women: care about how a problem occurred, and how to avoid this from happening again.
- She doesnt want you to understand, she wants you to feel what she feels
- Women want to feel loved and have certainty
- Women attain memories with emotions, so give her plenty of good memories to
bring up late when youre in trouble.
- Women are emotionally stimulating
Men: care about the solution
- Men are visually stimulating
- Men care only about the solution to a problem not how or why it happened
- Men want to feel significant, needed, and adventurous
Note: studies have shown that people who work out together fall in love easier.

Both men and women have 6 needs to be fulfilled:
1. Spiritual
2. Contribution
3. Love
4. Certainty
5. Significant
6. Adventurous
30 things to know about marital relationships:
1. Great relationships are created, they dont just happen, they need work
2. If your job gets your best energy, your marriage withers
3. If you complain about your spouse to your friends, know they will only relate to you
and wont have an unbiased view
4. Only rules that count are ones agreed upon
5. Its not what you have its how you use it.
6. If you think youre too good for your spouse, think again
7. Love is more than feelings, its actions that show
8. Arguments cant be avoided, but destructive ones can (never let you spouse sleep
angry)
9. The greatest gift for a spouse is full attention
10. Your opinion isnt truth
11. Trust takes years to establish and moments to break
12. Guilt trips wont work to get what you want. (Instead remind them of the good the
missed)
13. Dont neglect your friends for your spouse
67
14. You are better off not trying to prove your point
15. If your spouse is defensive, maybe its you
16. You can pay now or later, but later has more penalties and interests
17. Marriage is sacrifice, but you gain more than you lose
18. We all make mistakes
19. Marital success is based on your present not you pasts
20. Question: How can I love you best?
21. You can always keep your marriage fresh regardless of age
22. Assumptions are fine but check them first
23. Good sex doesnt make a marriage, but it helps
24. Be private not secretive
25. Possessiveness and jealousy stems from fear not love
26. If it is important to your spouse, it should be for you
27. Romance never gets old
28. Violence is silence
29. Focus on what they did right not what they did wrong
30. Divorce is more expensive than marriage counseling
Communication:
- 40% how it sounds like
- 10% what you say
- 50% how you look when saying it
- Listen dont hear
- If you spouse says something, repeat it to make sure you understood correctly

68
Sex and Intimacy in Married Life

- The Quran referred to this aspect of marriage in 10 different ways.
- This is one of the top 3 three reasons for divorce.
- Rasulillah said after a long trip, dont come home too late. Let your wife know
youre coming so she knows to beautify herself for you.
- Anal sex is haram in Islam, there is an authentic hadith that says Allah curses
the man that has anal sex.
- Ibn Umar has a Shath (rejected) opinion in which he said any sexual act is
permissible, but this went against clear ahadith and was rejected by all of the
sahabah and successors.
- Men have a physical drive, while women have an emotional drive
The default ruling on sexual acts is that everything is allowed except intercourse during the
wifes menses and anal sex.
- If sex occurs during the womans menses, the man must repent and donate a
small amount as a penalty.
- For a woman to participate in a sexual act after her menses, the majority of
scholars say she needs toa perform ghusal first.
Make sure to allow for equal time in arriving at full satisfaction
- Reaching orgasm for men is quick, easy, and essential for reproduction
- Reaching orgasm for women is purely for pleasure and has no true reproductive
need.
- When trying to achieve satisfaction, dont think about it, let it come naturally,
just enjoy yourself.
- Using hand language, use your hand to guide theirs, helping them in your
pleasure
- Invest in your pleasure, dont be afraid to buy candles or flowers, pay for
dimming lights.
- Aim to create excitement
69
Adult toys: generally they are allowed and determined by the couple. However if they cause
harm, then they arent allowed.

Masochistic acts that cause pain to invoke pleasure is very dangerous, although it is
allowed, it is threading on thin ice.

Wild Fantasies are allowed depending on what they are.

Note: sperm or ejaculation isnt najis, however pre-mature ejaculation is najis and needs to
be cleaned off or avoided if possible.

Oral sex is allowed but the ruling of pre-cum needs to be remembered.

Sex during pregnancy is allowed

Morning after pill is allowed to be used.

Note: regardless if you ejaculated or not, both the man and woman need to preform ghusl
after sexual intercourse.

Conditions for using contraceptives:
- Safe to use
- Pure or of halal substance
- Not cause permanent damage
- Mutual consent

70
Abortion

- After 120 days there consensus that abortion is haram unless there is a danger
to the mother
- Abortion is also allowed for genetic disorders
- Abortion is an option during a rape case.
- Muslim jurists are against abortion and that it is a wrong choice however see it
as a necessary choice sometimes.
- Obama said We need to focus less on abortion and more on why women go
there on the first place. Maybe they feel like they have no other choice
Abortion rulings
- Majority of old scholars say abortion is haram at all stages
- Hambalies say that abortion only allowed during first 40 days if there is a need
- Hanafi allow abortion in the first 120 days, using the hadith of Rasulillah who
said Allah blows the soul in the fetus on the 120
th
day.
- Abortion is forbidden once the fetus starts to look like a human.

Newborn
- Note: the responsibility of the wife is due to the spouse first and then the
children.
- Al-Aqeeqah is highly recommended
o The slaughter cant be a chicken, only goat or lamb
o It is sunnah to do it on the 7
th
day, not counting the day of the birth, or
subsequently on the next 7
th
day (day 14). If one cant for whatever
reason, any day after the birth is permissible so long as the parents
perform the aqeeqah.
o The father should be paying for this
o One lamb for girls, two lambs for boys
- Shaving the childs head
71
o This is only done for the boys, and its sunnah
- Naming the child
o The name should have a good meaning
o The name should fit the culture and not be something amazing in one
culture but mean something bad in another
- At-tahneek (rubbing the newborns mouth with something sweet)
o Rasulillah did do this, BUT none of the sahabahs followed this. They
understood that Rasulillah was blessed and every part of him was blessed
also.
o This isnt considered sunnah
- Duahs for the newborn
o Saying the azan in the right ear and the iqama in the left ear is actually
based two hadiths. One is said to be fabricated, and the other is deemed
very weak.
o Just make any normal duah for the newborn
- From day one, teach the child to sleep in their own bed.
- Dont be afraid of babysitting your child with someone else, sometimes parents
need a break to themselves. Dont neglect your wife, go on dates still

72
The Rights of the Husband and Wife
Page 87

The rights of the husband and wife have been divided into three different categories; one of
them is the mutual rights, the other one is the rights of a wife upon her husband the third
being the rights of the husband upon her.

a) Mutual/Common Rights
a. Allah says in (2:228) that And due to the wives is similar to what is expected
of them, according to what is reasonable. It is expected that they both care
about each other, protect one another, teach one another; advise one
another. A woman asked the Prophet (saws) about a one of the pleasing
deeds to Allah that she could do and he (saws) said something like spoil your
husband and that would be one of the best things. It is also advisable that
each one should do their part and then dont bother the other about their
rights and be patient with them. (e.g. An incident with Shaykh Al-Albani(ra)
was mentioned in the class where, it is a custom to kiss the hand of an elder
or shaykh where the Shaykh was from and people of Saudi Arabia did not
have this custom, so when Shaykh Waleed tried to hold his hand to kiss it he
pulled it back and said something like we are both trying to reach a middle
point to respect one another; however, what is not part of your culture you
should not be influenced to do it). In regards to the above mentioned ayah
Ibn Masood (ra) or/and Ibn Abbas (ra) mentioned that the soldiers, the
ministers have more responsibility towards their spouses.

b) Rights of the Wife upon her Husband
a. The hadith of the Prophet (saws) that Beware of Allah concerning women,
you have taken them as a trust from Allah and they have made them
permissible to you by the word of Allah. (Muslim) makes it clear that the
two are bonded upon the name of Allah (swt). Allah (swt) also calls marriage
meethaqan Ghaleezhah (a sacred contract) (4:21); which should not be
taken lightly. Only Allah knows how the person is in the privacy of their
home. The hadith and the ayah also indicate that a wife is a great
responsibility upon man. In another hadith of the Prophet (saws) it has been
mentioned that the worst among us are the ones who beat their wives
b. Dowery or Bridal Gift (4:4)
c. Financial Support: This issue can be dealt with in following two ways
i. It is an obligation: It is an obligation upon man to take care of the wife;
however, when the relationship reaches a level where it is only
73
treated in a calculated manner as an obligation then that is not
Maroof or kind treatment
ii. It is an opportunity: On the other hand when this is seen as an
opportunity to please Allah, maintain good relationship and increase
trust and strong bond between the two then this becomes a Maroof
behavior towards each other.
d. Being nice and gentle
e. Teaching Islam and other aspects
f. Defending her honor
g. Not harming her
h. Being Just with her
(4:19 and 4:129 are some of the reference for the above mentioned points)
Along with the religious obligations and best practices some of the things
that women need from their husbands is five A. Attention, Affection,
Appreciation, Assurance and Acceptance are the five As that a wife needs to
feel the fulfillment of the marriage and to feel valued.

c) Rights of the Husband upon his Wife
a. The Prophet(saws) said Do not allow anyone into his house except by
permission and it is not allowed for a woman to fast and her husband is
present except with his permission. (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
b. Leadership
c. Do not allow anyone in the house
d. He is obeyed
e. His call to intimacy is answered
f. Dont leave the house without his permission (Based on mutual
understanding - this is not applicable for every occasion and situation)
g. He is served: Majority said this means that giving charity from their wealth
and Ibn Al-Qayyim(ra) said it is a sin if she does not serve him
h. Be thankful and gentle with each other

d) Financial Responsibility
a. Spending money for her Responsibility or opportunity for man
b. Personal bank accounts Both have the responsibility to manage the account
whether it is combined or separate accounts
c. Do I support the family Women are not mostly responsible however, in
special circumstances this could be required
d. For a Miser Husband It is allowed for her to keep the money taken from
him without his knowledge (applicable in extreme circumstances)
74
e. Sadaqah and donations Without his permission a wife or any servant of the
house can donate money on their behalf without bringing any financial
burden upon the husband and the employer.

In-Laws
Page 90

In-Laws OR Out-Laws

Why is there a bad reputation of in-laws?
In many societies whether the couple lives with their parents or alone the issue of
In-laws is a daunting one. Partially it is our fault to allow this negative perception to take
over and deal with our in-laws based on how most others perceive their in-laws. If the
roles of each individual are clearly defined and understood with a lot of flexibility than part
of the problem can avoided. It is also very essential to analyze the reasons for the problems
with the in-laws to get a clear understanding about the reasons for this bad reputation of
in-laws

What are the reasons for these problems to happen? AND The tips to avoid these issues.
a) Parents feel that after their children got married they dont love them as they
used to before marriage
b) Irresponsible approach during the period between engagement and marriage
c) Complaining to the parents about the spouse
Parents feel that after their children got married they dont love them as they used to
before marriage
a) Love for the parents is different from the love for the spouse
b) The couple need their chance to live and thrive with some support and guidance
from their parents
c) Threatening them with fire and loss of paradise wont help rather advising will
inshaAllah
d) Dont have any attitude of competition between the parents and the spouse;
unless it is pre-planned and decided by the couple
e) The couple also needs to praise their parents all the time and especially in front
of their spouse (It can be pre-planned)
f) They can also make their parents feel secure by reassuring their love for them
(e.g. If the couple plan to make certain statements in front of each others
parents to put them on a higher pedestal it would help a lot. Once the mother
came over and cooked pasta for the couple so the husband who had pre-planned
this with his wife said to his wife in front of his mother that I love you my dear
75
wife but no one cooks pasta as good as my mother. This statement made the
mother so excited and happy. In reality this statement in everyones presence is
a way of reassuring the parents that they will always have the love and affection
of their married children.
Irresponsible approach during the period between engagement and marriage
a) All the above mentioned points have to carefully applied during this process
b) Because of this new relationship being established; parent should not be
forgotten
c) Before marriage is the most critical time for both because the in-laws analyze the
person in this period and minor mistakes can be escalated to major issues or
separation.
d) Even if a mistake is made it is wise for both to say that they are sorry. One of the
best things is that people filter words in specific ways; therefore, a statement
like I feel really embarrassed about this approach is a technique for starting
over. This gives a message that they feel guilty and would like to start over.
Complaining to the parents about the spouse
a) It is one of the major mistakes that a couple could make because the relationship
between a husband and a wife is not a public matter and people outside the
house do not know about the dynamics of this relationship.
b) In the heat of the argument the couple may say some things about their spouse
to the parents but by the end of the day they would have forgotten about this or
settled the matter in their own way; however, the parents cannot forget about it.
c) People who are not present to know the entire situation between the couple can
only judge based on what they heard from one of them; however, before the
story from the other side reaches them the couple has resolved the issue
between themselves and the others are still worrying about it.
d) You have a unique relationship with your spouse that is not known to other
people; to get them involved for every minor argument the spouse is a very huge
mistake by both of them.

Al-Eelaa (p 91)

Definition: Linguistically Al-Eelaa means to swear or to take an oath; however, technically
This is when the husband takes an oath not to approach his wife.

a) Allah says in (2:226) For those who swear not to have sexual relations with their
wives there is a waiting time of four months, but if they return to normal relations
then indeed Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.
76
Does the divorce fall automatically with the end of the four-month period?
o After four months either he takes the oath back or he does not. In the case
where he does not take the oath back; she will go to the judge and then the judge
asks her Do you want to keep him and the marriage? If she says Yes then they
go back together; however, if she says No then it is considered a divorce from the
Qadhi and she keeps all her promised amenities.

What is the ruling if the husband takes back the wife?
o After he breaks his oath, he has to pay the expiation for his oath. The
expiation for breaking an oath is in the following order and the following
order has to be followed. If first cannot be done then the person should
move to the second expiation and if the second cannot be done then the third.
a) Freeing a slave
b) Feeding 10 people OR clothing 10 people
c) Fasting for 3 days
The maximum period for which a man may abstain from his wife is four months. If he does
not go back to her, the judge will divorce the wife from her husband.

Al-Dhihaar (pg 92)

Definition: Linguistically Al-Dhihaar comes from Dhahr, which means the back; however,
technically It is when the husband makes a statement that implied that the woman
becomes forever forbidden. Al-Dhihaar is a practice that dates back to the times of pre-
Islamic ignorance.

Allah(swt) says in the Quran in (Surah Al-Mujadilah-58:2-4) about Dhihaar being forbidden
and the expiation for putting such a condition upon themselves. The word used by the
person has to specific and has to be mother for this ruling to apply. The order of expiation
is to free a slave and if this is very difficult then fast 60 consecutive days (If the continuity is
broken then the person has to restart the fasting) and if this is too difficult as well then
feeding of the 60 miskeen is applicable to the person.

Al-Nushooz (pg 93)

Definition: Each spouse transgresses and is hostile against each other. An-Nushooz is a
forbidden act and it can be by speech or deed. It can happen from either husband or wife.
Any act of An-Nushooz is a sin. The ayaahs in the Quran mentioning this issue and the
solutions for this issue are (4:34; 4:128 and 4:35). The following are some of the ways in
which An-Nushooz can happen between the couple:

a) From Wife
a. Verbal abuse from her towards him, his family, his mother and some others
(A companion (ra) mentioned this opinion)
77
b. She refuses to be intimate with him for any invalid reason.
c. She disobeys him in what is permissible and what is not impermissible.

b) From Husband
a. Beating her and physically and emotionally abusing her
b. Her rights are not fulfilled (e.g. financial need, clothing, living and so on)
c. Elevates himself over her and treats her like a slave in the house. (e.g. a story
was mentioned that a man use to sit on the couch and his wife will only have
permission to sit by his feet and he thought that he is being respected by his
wife and he is superior to her)
d. Abandon her in bed without any valid reason
It is very essential for both of them to remember that Allahs word is held above anything
else and the Prophet(saws) said to women that husband can be a door to Jannah or
Jahannam based on their dealings with them.

c) The remedy for Nushooz when it is from the wife
a. The solution is mentioned in surah Nisa (4:34). The steps that a husband can
take are as follows
i. Admonishing them, advising them, using ayahs and ahadith to remind
her
ii. Leave her in bed however, four months is the limit. One of the
meanings of leaving her in bed is also to not show any affection
towards her in bed. Before the end of four months make a decision to
move to the next level of admonition or take her back or divorce her.
iii. Physical rejection is the essence one wants to convey by
wadhribuhunna
1. The Prophet (saws) said those who beat their wives are not the
righteous ones
2. Ibn Abbas (ra) said the meaning of the ayah (4:34) is that he
uses miswaak
3. Imam Shafai (ra) said the meaning of the ayah (4:34) is that he
uses the end of the Thaub
4. Some others said the meaning is to use the end of the Imamah

d) The remedy for Nushooz when it is from the Husband
a. The solution is mentioned in surah Nisa (4:128 and 4:35). The steps that a
wife can take are as follows
i. Involve an arbitrator from both side to settle this matter
Who is qualified to be an arbitrator?
78
a. Adult
b. Muslim
c. Experienced
d. Mature
e. Agent/Ruler
i. Hanafi: The Ahnaaf said that it is an agent
ii. Malikis, One opinion of the Shafai and Ibn al-
Qayyim(ra) said the ruler is the one who is an
arbitrator. This is the majority opinion. In our
situation a respectable Imam of the community
takes this responsibility. One arbitrator cannot
represent both parties.
iii. The Maliki and one opinion among the Shafai is
that their ruling is final.
What authority do the arbitrators have?
f. (4:114) mentions the conditions and attributes for the
two arbitrators
g. They cannot divorce the couple
h. They can guide and advise them both

Domestic Violence (pg 96)

Domestic Violence is of different types and it has been classified in the following
types
a) Physical: Physical beating, abuse etc.
b) Sexual: Sexual abuse and ill treatment and beating and causing pain etc.
c) Emotional
a. From Him: Some people think that by putting her down, disrespecting
her, keeping her feared and controlling her are the ways of winning her
heart and being happy in marriage (This is an example of the messed up
fitrah)
b. From Her: Putting emotional and psychological pressure on the husband
or acting depressed in front of him etc.
d) Verbal: Tongue can be very worse than the head and hand many times.
Continuous and regular taunting or evil about the relatives, etc.
By statistics about 70% of those who witness domestic violence first hand or
upon others practice it later in their lives. One of the other issues is domestic
violence against children.
79
What evil people commit is sometimes impossible to understand. (e.g. A boy did
something to a new couch that his father bought, so to punish him he tied his
hands tight and put him inside a closet. Then he forgot about him for a while.
When they discovered the child his hands had turned blue and he was taken to
the hospital. They had to amputate his hands. What was so difficult upon the
father was that the child would say father I am very sorry I will never do
something like this please return my hands to me.)

Are Muslim Women more susceptible / vulnerable?

Following are some of the obstacles that continue and keeping women under
difficult circumstances
a) Wrong religious beliefs
b) Culture: Linguistic barriers and difficulties
c) Isolation: At home, From family, Because of being adopted, No relatives or
extended family
d) Economic Factors: No education to support herself
e) Involvement: In-laws, extended family as part of the problem
f) Immigration Status: Completely dependent upon him for visa and legal status
g) Lack of access to the various support groups
Some solutions to these issues are the Prophet (saws) said something like Dont
abuse and hit women and Muslims getting together to establish support groups for
the children and the women. One of the barriers that exist in this regard is the local
community itself, which will try to suppress the matter and almost psychologically
force the women to drop the charges against their abuser.

Activity Sheet (pg 97)

The #1 marital problem is Lack of Communication.
What do we think are the 7 clearest red signs that a marriage is in danger?
a) No physical relationship (intimacy)
b) No love
c) No respect
d) Cold Shoulder
e) Showing attitude all the time
f) No interest in spending time together
g) Always doubting each other
h) Speaking evil about each other
i) Using foul language against each other
j) Constant fighting
k) Verbal abuse
l) Not making decisions together
80
Create a 7 step peace plan for the family

Seven words or phrases that can turn everything around
a) I was wrong
b) I am sorry
c) I understand how you feel (not how you think)
d) I love you
e) How can I make things right between us
f) I wont do it again
g) I am embarrassed about my actions or statements

81

82
Divorce
Page 98

History has many gates and some people just want to be recognized and
remembered for some strange reasons.
a) In the time of Haroon Rashid, Al-Asmai attended a gathering of Haroon Rashid
and he said in that gathering a man was mentioned who divorced 5 women at a
time.
a. He was married to four. He just walked into his house and divorced the
first wife, so the other asked why you did that so he divorced her too so
the third one said something like it is not right so he divorced her and
then the last one said probably you will divorce me too so he said yes you
too are divorced. Upon hearing this, the neighbors wife said you cannot
do that. So he said I divorce you from your husband if he agrees and the
neighbors husband said I agree. This way the man is still remembered as
the history as the only man who divorced five women at a time.
b) One man urinated in the well of ZamZam at the time of Umar (ra). When he was
arrested he said I have not done anything great to be remembered by so I
thought by doing this I will at least be remembered by people after me.

The divorce rate among the Muslim communities in the United States is about 32% and
rising. In some states it is much worse than others; in California about 2 divorces happen
every week among the Muslims.

Definition of Divorce: Linguistic definition of divorce is setting free; however, the Sharai
(legal) definition is dissolving the marital contract
.
Common Reasons for Divorce:
a) Poor initial choice
b) Incorrect perspective of the married life
c) She lost femininity (i.e. She does not need him anymore and men love to be needed;
She is very independent)
d) Level of Taqwah and Iman
e) Spoiled children got married to someone with lot of adjustments
f) Involvement of others in the married life (i.e. too much involvement by in-laws)
g) Materialistic mindset.
Some statistics about marriages in the Muslim countries:
a) UAE 49%,
b) Jordon 3841%,
83
c) Italy very high rate,
d) Riyadh 1 divorce every 8 minutes. About 600 brothers were asked in a survey that
Who will be divorced first? They said, a) Extremely jealous, b) Extremely
controlling, c) Extremely rebellious, d) Extremely childish, e) Extremely immature.

Divorce is twice. Then, either keep (her) in an acceptable manner or release (her) with
good treatment. (2:229)

The ruling of divorce:
Divorce is highly disliked action. However, like marriage ruling on divorce could change
based on the situation of the couple. The divorce could take the following rulings:

Divorce Explanation
Must Al-Dhihaar (After 4 months) After he said the word
mother to her if in 4 months
he does not break his
condition she has to get
divorced from him
Highly disliked All the normal marriages Shaytaan congratulates those
of his followers who break a
marriage and considers it a
great action. The most hated
halal act is divorce (weakness
in the statement Muharib
never met Umar(ra))
Permissible If there are more
disadvantages than
advantages

Recommended Because of Abuse, Nushooz,
Anger issues etc.
If any of them abuses the
other and does not fulfill
his/her rights but expects
her/his rights to be fulfilled.
Abuse of children. Fear of
committing kufr.
Forbidden During her menses and
after the physical
relationship with her and
before the next period

84
The Pillars of Divorce (pg 99):

a) The husband or his agent must be competent (authorized to initiate divorce) by
fulfilling the following conditions: a) Islam, b) Sanity, c) Maturity (reached the age of
puberty), d) free will (not coerced)
a. Uthma bin Affan(ra) gave a judgment about one case that the person has to
be competent to give divorce and none of the companions disagreed with
him(ra)
b. Umar Ibn Abdul-Aziz (ra) also agreed with this judgment and added that
majnoon and ignorant cannot divorce.
b) Intention
a. In the absence of wife someone made a statement that I divorce my wife
without intending it; Then it is not a valid divorce.
b. During the time of Umar (ra) a woman threatened her husband and under
this threat he divorced her, so it was considered an invalid divorce. Because
of the hadith of the Prophet (saws) La Talaqah fi Ighlaaq. (Under pressure,
drunkenness and extreme anger Talaaq is not valid)
c. Another hadith commonly used is Four things are very serious and cannot
be done even jokingly (This is a weak hadith); however, dont joke about
matters that are serious and considered highly disliked in the religion.
d. Under the state of Anger when the divorce is pronounced under following
circumstances; is it a valid divorce?
i. Normal Anger during regular arguments with the spouse Valid
Divorce
ii. Anger at a level where the speech is uncontrollable Valid Divorce
iii. Anger at a level where the person lost control over mind - Invalid
Divorce. In this type of anger the person does not remember what he
said earlier and he/she does not remember the details of the incident,
hence the divorce is invalid.
c) The subject of divorce
d) The wording: Explicit and Implicit
a. Explicit statements are required and implicit statements are not considered
valid for divorce.

The categories of divorce:

A) From the perspective of its ruling
a. At-Talaaq al-Sunni
i. Conditions of At-Talaaq al-Sunni
85
1. The wife must be free of her menses at the time when the
divorce is pronounced
2. The divorce was pronounced at the time of her purity, where in
they had no sexual intercourse, or at the time when the wife is
clear that she is pregnant
3. The divorce was pronounced one time only (This is a Sunnah)
b. At-Talaaq al-Bidee: Whatever is not a Sunni divorce is a Bidee divorce. (e.g.
Ibn Umar(r) divorced his wife when she was in her menses(Muslim))
i. This leads to the question is Bidee divorce valid or invalid
1. Some said it is valid and some said it is invalid
2. Some differentiated between nifaas and haad
3. Ibn Umar (ra) counted it as one divorce and the Prophet (saws)
said take her back
c. Should the person wait for her menses to finish or wait until she purifies
herself before divorce may be pronounced?
i. Ibn Thaimiyyah believed it is wajib to do so and the evidence was the
incident of a man at the time of Umar (ra)
d. What are the rulings for women in nifaas (experiencing post-partum
bleeding) and those who do not menstruate?
i. The issue of divorce in different cases and scenarios with a woman is
judged by a Qadhi on a case-by-case basis and not treated as fiqh
issues with standard rulings.
e. The ruling of having witnesses for the divorce is categorized based on the
different opinions that exist, The opinions that require or recommend
presence of witnesses are supported by the ayaat of the Quran in Surah At-
Talaaq (65:1-2)
i. Witnesses are not must This is not a very strong opinion
ii. It is recommended some others It is one of the strongest opinions
because it ensures the rights and obligations are fulfilled for each of
the party involved in the process and so no one denies it later on.
iii. It is Wajib Ibn Hazam al-Andalusi (ra) said it is a wajib; however,
this also is not a strong opinion
iv. It is Fardh and without the witnesses the divorce is not valid This is
a completely wrong opinion
B) From the perspective of its revocability
a. Revocable (Rajee): Before the 3
rd
divorce he can take her back
b. Irrevocable (Baaen)
i. Major irrevocable divorce
1. When the husband divorces the wife 3 times as per (2:230)
ii. Minor irrevocable divorce
86
1. When the divorce occurs before the consummation of the
marriage as evidenced in Surah Al-Ahzaab (33:49), in the case
of an invalid contract (The marriage is invalid so there is no
need for divorce), and in the case of khul (where she asked for
separation)
C) From the perspective of how it is communicated
a. Verbal
b. Written
c. Gesture or signal: sign language is used only for those who cannot speak and
communicate through other means
D) From the perspective of the time of its effect
a. Immediate
b. Conditional: A wife asks for the explanation from the husband about the
reasons for divorce. (e.g. If you allow this person you are divorced)
What is the ruling regarding divorcing in the status of anger and intoxication?
La Talaqa fi Ighlaaq The hadith of the Prophet (saws) explains that under
extreme anger, pressure or drunkenness there is no divorce. However, the
issue of different levels of anger was discussed earlier and the validity of
divorce in most of the states except for one.

If your parents want to get you divorced what you should do?
Seek advice

Can a woman divorce herself?
Allowed, Umar (ra) allowed it and Ibn Masuod gave an opinion about it as
well.

After Divorce (pg 104)

Allah (swt) said in Surahs At-Talaq (65:2) and Al-Baqarah (2:237) that And when
they have fulfilled their term either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with
them according to acceptable terms. AND And do not forget graciousness between you.
Indeed Allah of whatever you do is seeing

This is a reminder for us to also not forget about the good things that happened between
each other.

87
Al-Khul (pg 105)

Definition: The linguistic definition is Removal and the technical definition is the separation
of the wife from her husband in return for a payment received. In the hadith of Thaabit ibn
Qays(ra), the Prophet (saws) asked him to take the garden and divorce her. (Al Bukhari)
AND According to Ibn Maajah, the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays(ra) said I cannot stand him.
The ayaat of surah Al-Baqarah (2:229) And it is not lawful for you (men) to take back
explains this concept of Khul. However, Ibn Abbas (ra) said the verse speaks of 3 divorce
and 1 Khul.

Al-Khul is permissible if there is a valid reason for it. Khul occurs when the wife
returns the mahr to the husband. According to the majority of the scholars, it is
permissible to ask for more than the mahr because Allaah (swt) says there is no harm
on them in whatever she gives. Other scholars disagree with this position because
another narration of the above mentioned Hadeeth adds, Do not add anything to that
garden. However, this narration is weak because it has a broken chain of narration.
Those that hold the opinion that he is not allowed to ask for more include Ali ibn Abi
Taalib, Az-Zuhree, and the madhab of Imam Ahmed and Imam Abu Haneefah. It is
agreed upon that asking for more than the mahr is bad manners. However, if he gave
her expensive gifts such as a house or a car, he can reclaim it.

Is Khul a divorce or Faskh (Annulment)? AND How long is the waiting period (Iddah) for
her following the Khul?
Scholars have differed if khul is a divorce of an annulment. Ibn-Abbaas(ra), one
opinion of Shafiee, vast majority of AhlulHadeeth, Tawoos, Ibn Mundhir, Ibn Khuzayma,
the Hanaabilah amongst others state that Khul is not counted as one divorce. Their
proof is the following ayaat (2:229 - 230). These ayaat mention 2 divorces, then one
khul, and then the third divorce. Since divorce is mentioned separate from the khul
this group argues that khul is not counted as one divorce. Another proof used by this
group is the following incident when Ar-rabiee bintu Muhammd bintu Afraah asked the
Prophet(saws) concerning her Iddah: I made khulaa and asked how long should
waiting period be? He (saws) said one cycle. (Al-Bayhaqi) This group argues that khul
is not divorce because the Iddah of divorce is three menstrual cycles. However, this
narration is not considered authentic. Another narration in Bayhaqi says this event
took place during Uthman ibn Afaans time. Since none of the sahaabah disagreed with
this, it became a consensus. The other side of the argument is that khul is considered
as one divorce. Amongst others, this is the opinion of Ibn Masood, Abu Haneefah, al-
Shafee, one narration of the Hanaabila, and Ali (ra). Their proof is that this was the
judgment of Umar (ra) who considered khul a divorce. He based his judgment on the
Hadeeth of the wife of Thaabit bin Qais. While the wording Accept her garden and
divorce her one divorce is in Bukhari, Bukhari commented saying, This narration is
not supported by other narrations by Abbas. As if he is saying there is weakness in it.
In addition Imam Ahmed said every single report saying that Umar (ra) said such
things is weak. Shaykh Bin Baaz considered it as a divorce while Shaykh al-Albaani and
Shaykh ul-Uthaymeen did not considered it as a divorce. The difference in this ikhtilaaf
88
issue is dealing with the Iddah period. If khul is one divorce then the Iddah period is
three menstrual cycles. However, if khul is al-faskh then the Iddah period is one
menstrual cycle. In addition, if khul is considered al-faskh the husband is not able to
take her back. The husband cannot take her back and it is immediate. Those who say it
is divorce, the husband cannot take her back until there is a new contract. The
conditions of divorce do not apply to khul, so there is no sunni or bidee khul. Even
those that consider it a divorce do not consider sunni or bidee classifications for the
khul. Therefore, a woman can ask for khul in her menses, pregnancy, and/or after
intercourse.

The conditions of Al-Khul are as follows
a) That it happens from a husband who is eligible to make divorce
b) That there is recompense given
c) That it is immediate, not conditional
d) That it is not done as a trick to avoid divorce
e) That it is not pronounced in the form of divorce
f) That the intention is not one of divorce

Al-Faskh (pg 107)

Definition: The linguistic definition of Al-Faskh is Breaking off or Separation; however,
the technical definition is the immediately dissolution of a marriage by a judge.

The reasons of Al-Faskh
a) Reasons that are incidental and cause the nullification of the marriage contract (e.g.
he/she leaves Islam)
b) Reasons that previously existed and cause the nullification of the marriage contract
(e.g. Later found them to be milk brother and sister)
c) Reasons related to a defect in the husband or the wife (e.g. he/she is extremely ill or
crazy person or mentally instable)
d) Reasons related to the fulfillment of the conditions of the marriage (e.g. Conditions
both agreed to before and now refusing to accept)
Does it need to be done at a specific time?; Is it Revocable?; and Does it count as one
divorce?
NO for all the questions.

The waiting period (Iddah) for Al-Faskh
a) The waiting period is one cycle by default. However, if the woman is pregnant then
the iddah ends as soon as she delivers a baby. At the time of one of the khalifa (ra) a
pregnant woman asked her husband to divorce her just before he was leaving for
89
Isha and when he came back she had delivered the child so her Iddah was
completed and the marriage was irrevocably ended.

Al-Iddah (pg 108)

Definition: The linguistic definition of Al-Iddah is counting. It comes from Add, which
means counting. The technical definition is the time period ordained by the Shareeah for a
woman who parts from her husband via his death or divorce, after which she is completely
separated from the marriage contract and is allowed to remarry.

The causes of the iddah
a) Divorce
a. Divorce prior to the consummation of the marriage: In Surah Al-Ahzaab
(33:49) Allah (swt) mentioned that there is no Iddah for the one who was
divorced before consummation of the marriage; however, give them a
gracious release.
b. Divorce after the consummation of the marriage
i. Pregnant woman: For a pregnant woman the Iddah is finished as
soon as she delivers the child and the divorce becomes final (65:4)
ii. Non-Pregnant woman
1. The one who has regular menstrual cycle
a. Al-Qur: Does it refer to the time of menstruation, or the
time of purity from menstruation? (2:228) Because the
two are very different; purity menses purity
menses purity is a lesser period than the cycle of
menses purity menses purity menses purity
menses. As per the evidence presented in the next
section the longer cycle is the correct approach of
determining the Iddah; therefore Qur = Menses.
2. The one who does not have a menstrual cycle
3. The one who does not have a regular menstrual cycle
b) Death The Iddah of the widow
a. What is the Iddah of the woman whose husband is missing?
i. It is 4 months and 10 days and then she is considered divorced
(2:234)
ii. Traditionally It was a very long period before she was considered
divorced
iii. Now We ask the experts and see what they say about the person lost
at sea, in sand dunes, in extreme cold climate etc. After the death
period decided by the experts the woman starts the Iddah.
90
b. When does the Iddah start for the woman whose husband died but she came
to know about it later on?
i. A woman whose husband was kidnapped a long time ago and she
came to find out that he passed away 2 years ago then her Iddah has
already ended because the Iddah starts at death and not at the
knowledge of death.
c) The Iddah of Khul and Faskh
a. In case of Al-Khul the Iddah is one month; however, in case of Faskh the
Iddah is one period for non-pregnant women and delivery of child for the
pregnant woman.
Divorced women are of two categories:

1. First category: Divorced prior to the consummation of the marriage
In this case there is no Iddah prescribed. O You who have believed, when you
marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then
there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them
and give them a gracious release. (Surah al-Ahzaab 33: 49)

2. The Second Category: Divorced after the consummation of the Marriage
Pregnancy In the case of Divorce: For the pregnant woman her Iddah, waiting
period, is to deliver the baby, doesnt matter if she is divorced or widowed, be it hours
or months until that time comes she cannot marry. Zubayr, who was known as a tough
man was married to UmmKulthum(ra). His wife once told him to make me happy with
one divorce, so he didand when he returned from salaah she had delivered and the
Iddah was complete, making the divorce final. She had tricked him. The Prophet (saws)
said that she is not his wife anymore. And those of your women as have passed the age
of monthly courses, for them the 'Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubts (about
their periods), is three months, and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still
immature) their 'Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of
death]. And for those who are pregnant (whether they are divorced or their husbands
are dead), their 'Iddah (prescribed period) is until they deliver (their burdens), and
whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make his matter easy for him.
(Surah at-Talaaq 65: 4)

The Non-Pregnant Women are Three Categories:
1. The one who has a regular menstrual cycle has the Iddah of three Qur.
a. And divorced women shall wait (as regards their marriage) for three
menstrual periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allaah has
created in their wombs, if they believe in Allaah and the Last Day. And their
husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish
for reconciliation. And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as
91
regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them
(as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have
a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise
(Surah Baqarah 2: 228)
b. Qur is a unique word that entails two opposite meanings. It can mean the
time she is in her menses as is the opinion of Ali, Umar, Ibn Masood, Abu
Musa al Ansari, Madhab of Abu Haneefah, and al-Awzaaee amongst other. Or
it can imply the time she is in her purity, as is the opinion of Imam Maalik, al-
Shafiee,Aisha, Ibn-Umer, Zayd ibn Thaabit, and Ath-Thawri Ibn al Qayyim
through his research said, whenever the Prophet(saws) said Qur he referred
to the menstrual cycle. Ibn al Qayyim said if we do not have specific reference
explaining Qur in this ayah, we refer to other texts that used this word.

2. The one who does not have a menstrual cycle.
a. Her Iddah is three months as per the above-mentioned ayah. (65:4)

3. The one who does not have a regular menstrual cycle.
a. She should find out why she does not have a regular cycle. If she does not
know and cannot differentiate between blood and her menses, she waits for a
whole year. This is the jumhoor opinion of the madhaahib. This is because
she waits nine months for pregnancy and three months are for the Iddah,
making it a total of one year. Imamal-Shafiee says that Umar (ra) ruled this
way in front of the sahaabah so this is why we rule this way.

4. The Iddah of the Widow
a. The Iddah of a widow is four months and ten days
i. And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they (the
wives) shall wait (as regards their marriage) for four months and ten
days, then when they have fulfilled their term, there is no sin on you if
they (the wives) dispose of themselves in a just and honorable
manner (i.e. they can marry). And Allaah is Well-Acquainted with
what you do. (Surah Baqarah 2: 234)

5. The Iddah of a Woman whose Husband is Missing
a. She waits for as long as it takes to find out what happened then do Iddah as
if he was dead. If he shows up after she is married then he has no
relationship to her if her new marriage has been consummated.

Financial Support and Housing for the Woman in Iddah (pg 112)

92
a) In the case of revocable divorce, the woman is entitled to financial support and
housing
a. For the first and second divorce she deserves the housing and financial
support
b. Imam Abu Hanifa(ra) added the third divorce too
b) The pregnant, divorced women whose Iddah is caused by death is entitled to
housing only She deserves housing but no finance
a. Only if the husband died (Imam Shafai(ra))
b. If it is a third divorce (some other scholars said this)
c) In the case of irrevocable divorce, there is a difference of opinion. Al-Imaam Ahmad
said that she deserves neither housing nor support. Ash-Shaafiee (ra) said she
receives only housing. Imam Abu Hanifa (ra) said she receives both housing and
financial support.

Al-Mitah is an additional financial compensation given by a man to his wife after divorce.
There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had
sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahar (bridal money given
by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage). But bestow on them (a suitable
gift), the rich according to his means, and the poor according to his means, a gift of
reasonable amount is a duty on the doers of good. (Surah al-Baqarah 2: 236)

Its Ruling: It is not waajib rather it is highly recommended. The amount is based on
ones financial capability.

The Ulemaa agree that if a woman is divorced and the mahar was not mentioned to her
and the marriage was not consummated, then she is only given the mitah.

Women not entitled to Al-Mitah are the ones whos marriage was annulled due to
reasons such as insanity, defect of husband or wife, li'aan (accusation of adultery by a
husband), the one who made khul, and a young girl who did not consent to the
marriage once reaching the age of puberty. And for divorced women is a provision
according to what is acceptable a duty upon the righteous. (2:241)

If the Mahar was not specified; it is still mandatory and needs to be given as soon as
possible after the consummation of marriage.

Al-Rajah (pg 114)

Definition: Linguistically it means return and it comes from Ar-Rujoo. Technically it means
the return of the wife to her husband during the Iddah in the case of a revocable divorce
without a new contract. (Only in case of 1
st
and 2
nd
divorce)

93
In the case of a revocable divorce, a man can take back his wife in three ways:
a) Verbal
b) Sexual Intercourse
c) Loving acts and gestures (such as kissing and hugging)
The Rajah does not require Wali, Mahar(dower) or the wifes consent. It is recommended
to have two witnesses for the Rajah. However, there are following conditions for Al-Rajah
a) After consummation of the marriage
b) After valid divorce
c) After revocable divorce
d) During Iddah
e) Immediate, and not conditional
f) The divorce was with no recompense (Khul)
Returning the wife after an irrevocable divorce:
a) Major
a. If a man divorces a woman three times, she becomes haram for him after the
third divorce. But if she marries another man after the third divorce, she
becomes halal for the first husband on fulfillment of the following conditions
i. The marriage with the second person should have been of permanent
nature. If he contracts with her a temporary marriage for one month
or a year, and then separates from her, the first husband cannot marry
her.
ii. The second husband should have had sexual intercourse with her,
and the obligatory precaution is that the sexual intercourse should
have taken place in the normal way
iii. The second husband divorces her or dies
iv. The waiting period (Iddah) of divorce or Iddah of death of the second
husband should have come to an end

b) Minor
a. Al Khul; b. Divorce before consummation of marriage; c. Invalid contact of
marriage
i. She can return to her only after he does the following
1. Apologizes sincerely, accepts his responsibility, repents from
the heart
2. Shows remorse about this issue and the incident
3. Explains himself without justifying any of the actions (e.g. I
was afraid that you might be offended)
4. He feels guilty and regretting and conveys this point to her
5. Makes a new contract for themselves.
94
Child Custody (pg 114)

Definition: In the matters of child custody the best interest of the child is considered the
basis of any decision
a) Linguistic: From Al-Hadhn, which means the side
b) Technical: Protecting and raising a child and taking care of his needs, both physical
and religious
The mother and her family are the most deserving of custody
a) Abd-Allah ibn Amr(ra) narrated that a woman said: O Messenger(saws) of Allah, my
womb was a vessel for this son of mine and my breasts gave him to drink, and he
rested in my lap. But his father has divorced me and wants to take him from me.
The Messenger (saws) of Allah said to her: You have more right to him so long as
you do not get married again. (Ahmad, and Abu Dawood)

b) Yahyaa ibn Saeed said: I head al-Qaasim ibn Muhammad said: Umar ibn al-
Khattab (ra) had a wife from among the Ansaar who bore him Aasim ibn Umar then
Umar (ra) divorced her. Umar came to Quba and found his son Aasim playing in
the courtyard of the mosque. He took him by the arm and seated him in front of him
on his riding animal but the childs grandmother caught up with him and fought
with him over the child until they went to Abu-Bakr al-Siddeeq. Umar said (He is)
my son! and the woman said, (He is) my son! Abu Bakr said: Leave them alone,
and Umar did not answer back. (Maalik and Al-Bayhaqi)

c) According to some report, [Abu Bakr] said: the mother is more compassionate,
kinder, more merciful, more loving and more generous and she has more right to
her child unless she remarries.
Ibn Abd al-Barr said: this hadeeth is well known with a variety of isnaads, complete and
incomplete and is accepted by the scholars.

Custody of the Infant:
a) If she is not a Muslim then there is a condition on this issue. For the first two years
no distinction upon the religion is considered and applied. However, afterwards it is
necessary to consider. Always the best interest of the child is considered.
Custody of the older children:
a) When the child reaches the age of seven, if male he should be given the choice between
his parents and he should live with the one who is dearest to him
b) With regards to a female, there is a difference of opinion among the scholars:
a. Al-Shaafai said: She should also be given choice
95
b. Abu Haneefah said: The mother has more right to her until she gets married or
menstruates
c. Maalik said: The mother has more right to her until she gets married and her
husband consummates the marriage with her.
d. Ahmad said: The father has more right to her because the father is the best one
to look after her.
If the mother gets married she loses the custody of the children

Who deserves the custody of the children after the mother?

The following order is recommended:
a) Mothers Mother (Maternal Grandmother)
b) The Father
c) The grandparent (Paternal grandparents)
The following conditions are also required for the guardian:
d) Al-Islam
e) Sanity
f) Physical Maturity
g) Trustworthiness
h) Freedom
i) Mahram (in the case of the custody of girl)
The guardian deserves to be financially compensated for his/her services
Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are
restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on
any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship, ease (65:7)
The Prophet(saws) said if she remarries then she loses the custody of the children.
However, primarily if the above mentioned conditions are met then she keeps the custody
of the children. This matter is usually judged by a Qadhi in an Islamic court based on the
circumstances of the situation.

Activity:
a) What can you do to have the family you want?

96
EXAM REMINDER

Who: All students must take the exam for their personal benefit and to receive three
credits for the seminar. Undoubtedly, one who studies for an exam benefits much
more than one who does not. The exam is not optional, it is Fardh.
Where: From the comfort of your home
When: June 3
rd
2012
Why: Most of what was said in class is only in the students short term memory. This
exam will give you the chance to actively review your notes and make the
information part of your conscious knowledge. InshaAllah, you will not regret the
time you spent to prepare for this exam.
My Exam Coordinators email address is exams@nurayn.org

Fiqh of Marriage (Fiqh of Love)

Hochgeladen von

Dokumentinformationen

Copyright

Verfügbare Formate

Dieses Dokument teilen

Dokument teilen oder einbetten

Freigabeoptionen

Stufen Sie dieses Dokument als nützlich ein?

Sind diese Inhalte unangemessen?

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Fiqh of Marriage (Fiqh of Love)

Hochgeladen von

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Qabeelat Nurayn Fiqh of Love: Marriage in Islam

April/May 2012 Shaykh Waleed Basyouni | Al Maghrib Institute

Das könnte Ihnen auch gefallen