Wiehe 1997 - Sibling Abuse Chapter 1 - Sibling Abuse An Undetected Problem

Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical,
Emotional, and Sexual Trauma

Sibling Abuse: An Undetected Problem
Contributors: Vernon R. Wiehe
Book Title: Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Trauma
Chapter Title: "Sibling Abuse: An Undetected Problem"
Pub. Date: 1997
Access Date: June 20, 2014
Publishing Company: SAGE Publications, Inc.
City: Thousand Oaks
Print ISBN: 9780761910091
Online ISBN: 9781452232058
DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.4135/9781452232058.n1
Print pages: 1-13
1997 SAGE Publications, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
This PDF has been generated from SAGE knowledge. Please note that the pagination
of the online version will vary from the pagination of the print book.
University of Pennsylvania
1997 SAGE Publications, Inc. All Rights Reserved. SAGE knowledge
Page 3 of 14 Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical, Emotional, and
Sexual Trauma: Sibling Abuse: An Undetected
Problem
http://dx.doi.org/10.4135/9781452232058.n1
[p. 1
]
Chapter 1: Sibling Abuse: An Undetected
Problem
Please tell others that there is such a thing as sibling abuse, so that
children don't experience what I did from my sibling.
A sibling abuse survivor
I was raped when I was 13 years of agenot by a stranger in a dark alley but by my
own brother in my own home when he was baby-sitting me and my younger siblings. He
threatened to kill me and make it look like an accident if I ever told my parents. I didn't
tell, and he used me sexually from then on whenever he wanted.
I would tell my parents about how my brother would hit me. You must have done
something to deserve it, they would say. I didn't do anything. He constantly was beating
me. If I tried to protect myself or hit him in return, it was proof to them I deserved it. I
spent a lot of time hiding from him to protect myself.
Recently, I was with a group of friends and we were telling about nicknames we had
as children. I said I didn't have any nicknames, but all the while we were laughing and
talking, the name I was called by my sister kept going around in my headlard ass. I
wouldn't tell them that is how I was known in my house to my sister when I was a child.
My parents used to laugh about it. I wasn't laughing; I was crying. My childhood [p. 2
] was a nightmare. I don't even want to look at pictures of when I was a child. I threw
my school pictures away. The memories hurt so much. At the age of 42 I have finally
found the courage to seek counseling. Maybe I can come out of my shell and enjoy the
remaining years of my life.
These are neither quotations from the script of a play nor words of characters of a
novel. They are the comments of adults who as children were victims of a type of abuse
Problem
that has largely remained undetectedsibling abuse. While considerable progress has
been made in the field of family violence in detecting, treating, and preventing different
types of abusechild, spouse, or elderone type of abuse remains largely undetected.
This is the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of one sibling by another.
During past years, parents have excused sibling abuse in various ways. Some have
looked the other way. Other parents have ignored the problem, or they wouldn't believe
their children when they were told what was happening. Some have blamed the victims
for the abuse they experiencedas if they were asking for it or deserved what they
experienced. Still others have said it was normal behavior, simply sibling rivalry, and
that this was a normal part of growing up.
Ask the survivors if they would agree that sibling abuse is typical behavior of children
when they are growing up, that it is merely sibling rivalry, or that they deserved what
happened to them. A resounding No would be heard from around the country, as it was
from the 150 survivors of sibling abuse who tell their stories in these pages.
Ignoring sibling abuse, pretending it doesn't exist, believing the problem will solve
itself, or blaming the victim for the abuse are inappropriate ways of coping with this
problem. In the pages that follow, survivors will describe how their parents handled their
abuse from a sibling in these ways. The adult lives of these survivors are scarred both
from their abuse from a sibling and from their parents' response to the abuse: They
are fearful of others; feel they can trust no one; have very low self-esteem; are having
problems with drugs and alcohol; and exhibit serious sexual problems.
Historical Perspective
During the past several decades, various types of family violencechild abuse, spouse
abuse, elder abusehave been brought out into the [p. 3
] open from behind the

closed doors of the family home. As these types of abuse have become known and
understood, organizations and resources have developed to combat them.
While progress has been made in detecting, preventing, and treating these types of
family violence, sibling abuse has largely remained unrecognized. Several reasons
Problem
may be cited for this. First, there has been a reluctance for the government through
its legislative bodies, the courts, police, and social service agencies to concern itself
with what happens in the privacy of the home. Americans value highly their freedom.
This includes the freedom to raise their children according to their religious and social
values. Thus, historically the philosophy has developed, What happens at home is the
family's business. The published findings of an initial study of violence in American
families, based on a sample of over 2,000 families, was aptly titled, Behind Closed
Doors (Straus, Gelles, & Steinmetz, 1980).
However, the philosophy that the home is a man's castle and what happens behind
the closed front door is no one else's business has been challenged, and rightly so, by
individuals who have been victims of abuse in their own homeschildren abused by
their parents, women battered by their husbands, senior citizens mistreated by their
adult children. Adult survivors of child abuse, for example, have worked through the
media to bring to public attention the malnutrition, beatings, sexual molestation, and
death of innocent children. Legislation was passed by Congress in 1974 in the form
of the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (Public Law 93-247) that among
other things provided funds to the states for combating and preventing child abuse.
This legislation made the reporting of incidents of child abuse mandatory and provided
protection to the individual doing the reporting. Spouse abuse likewise has come to
public attention in part through the efforts of the feminist movement and through the
criminalization of domestic violence cases, beginning in the 1970s. States have formed
adult protective service agencies for the reporting and adjudication of incidents of elder
abuse. Consequently, the closed door of the family home is now open to the scrutiny
of the court and allied agencies when the abuse of any family member is suspected.
A better understanding has arisen regarding limitations to the authority of parents and
other caregivers.
Unfortunately, this has not been true for sibling abuse. This problem has not yet been
brought out into the open. Its symptoms go unrecognized, and its devastating effects
continue to be ignored. Generally, violent acts [p. 4
] between siblings do not come to

the attention of the courts unless a parent or the victim is willing to file assault charges
against the perpetrating sibling. The latter rarely occurs.
Problem
There is a second reason why sibling abuse has been ignored. The abusive behavior
of one sibling toward another is often excused by parents as normal behavior: Kids will
be kids; All kids call each other names; Didn't you ever play doctor when you were
a child?; It's just normal sibling rivalry. Professionals in the field of mental health, too,
have been guilty of viewing abusive behavior between siblings as part of the normal
process of growing up. The behaviors to which these statements refer do occur in many
families. However, these statements are inappropriate when they are used to excuse
the physical, emotional, or sexual abuse of one sibling by other. A differentiation must
be made between sibling rivalry and sibling abuse.
Approximately four decades ago child abuse was recognized. This doesn't mean that
there was no child abuse before that time. It was occurring, but it was not recognized as
abuse. In 1962, an article titled The Battered Child Syndrome was published by Dr. C.
Henry Kempe and his colleagues at the University of Colorado Medical Center (Kempe,
Silverman, Steele, Droegemueller, & Silver, 1962). This article, which would prove to
have a historical impact in the field of family violence, was written by physicians who
had seen many victims of child abuse. They coined the phrase battered-child syndrome
as a clinical condition to describe the fractures, burns, wounds, and bruises they saw in
their young patients as a result of physical abuse.
John Demos (1986), a historian of the family, commented on the historical impact of this
article:
Child abuse evoked an immediate and complex mix of emotions: horror,
shame, fascination, disgust. Dr. Kempe and his coauthors noted that
physicians themselves experienced great difficulty in believing
that parents could have attacked their children and often attempted
to obliterate such suspicions from their minds, even in the face of
obvious circumstantial evidence. In a sense the problem had long
been consigned to a netherworld of things felt but not seen, known but
not acknowledged. The Battered Child essay was like a shroud torn
suddenly aside. Onlookers reacted with shock, but also perhaps [p. 5
] with a kind of relief. The horror was in the open now, and it would
not easily be shut up again. (p. 69)
Problem
The time has come for the shroud to be torn aside on yet another type of abuse
the physical, emotional, or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. Professionals may
have seen this abuse in families with whom they have worked; they may have seen the
effects in adults who have sought help for their problems-in-living, but they were not
able to link the effects to the cause. Perhaps they remain unsure of how to recognize
this form of abuse or how to prevent it.
The Purpose of this Book
The purpose of this book is to bring sibling abuse out into the open. This will be done
by allowing adult survivors who experienced this problem when they were growing up
to tell their experiences of how they were abused physically, emotionally, or sexually
by a sibling, their parents' reaction to the abuse that was occurring, and how the abuse
has affected their lives. The book also will discuss why sibling abuse may occur in some
families and how this social problem may be prevented. Implications for the treatment of
sibling survivors will be presented for mental health professionals.
The book was written with several audiences in mind. Primarily, the book is directed
to professionals working in the field of family violence, to mental health professionals
engaged in therapy in counseling centers, as well as to students preparing to become
professionals in the field of mental health. Mental health professionals include
individuals leading self-help groups for those who have experienced abuse, child
protection workers, and persons such as parent life educators, clergy, nurses, and
others who are teaching families how to effectively live together. Those preparing
to become professionals may include individuals preparing for careers in the field of
mental health, such as students taking courses in family violence and related subjects
in college and university departments of social work, sociology, psychology, and family
studies. The survivors' accounts of the abuse they experienced from a brother or sister
will assist professionals and students in understanding the problem of sibling abuse, in
diagnosing the problem in families with whom they may be working, in treating those
who are [p. 6
] attempting to cope with the effects of such abuse on their lives, and in
preventing this problem from occurring in other families.
Problem
A second audience to whom the book is directed are adult survivors of sibling abuse.
The author has received numerous comments and letters from adult survivors of sibling
abuse who have read an earlier edition of this book or who have heard the author
discuss the subject of sibling abuse on television and radio programs. Repeatedly,
these comments and letters state that the author's discussion of sibling abuse has
validated for them that what they experienced from a sibling as a child was not sibling
rivalry but sibling abuse. The last chapter, A Final Word, is directed to persons who
may have been abused by a sibling as a child. This book may help these readers
realize that they are not alone in the abuse they experienced from a sibling, and that
the nightmare of abuse in their childhood is not their fault. Perhaps, as the survivors in
this book speak about their abuse, their comments will encourage these readers to seek
help if they are having problems struggling with the effects of sibling abuse on their lives
now as adults.
Although the book was not written specifically for parents, some parents may find the
book helpful. The accounts of the survivorshow they were physically, emotionally,
or sexually abused by a siblingmay sensitize parents to the subtle and not-so-subtle
forms of sibling abuse that may be occurring within their own families. Becoming
sensitive to sibling abuse may prompt parents to take action to stop such abuse or to
prevent the problem from occurring.
Throughout the book, the findings from the author's research on sibling abuse will be
related to the larger body of research on family violence, especially child abuse, since
most sibling abuse survivors were children at the time of their victimization. Numerous
references to the literature in the field of family violence are cited that may be helpful to
readers in pursuing in greater depth specific areas of interest.
The Research
During the past several decades, when the author would speak to audiences on the
subject of child abuse, repeatedly someone at the end of the lecture would comment,
I think I was abused as a child but not by my parents. Rather, I feel I was abused by a
sibling. Have you ever [p. 7
] heard of that? After this repeatedly occurred, the author

initiated a study on the subject of sibling abuse that forms the basis of this research.
Problem
Research Subjects
Individuals participating in the research responded to ads in several major newspapers
and newsletters of professional associations, as well as notices sent to organizations
working in the field of family violence. These notices asked that individuals who had
been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused by a sibling when they were growing
up write for a questionnaire to which they could respond anonymously. The 14-page
questionnaire included both open- and closed-ended questions about their earliest
memory of abuse by a sibling, their typical experience of abuse, their reactions to the
abuse, their parents' response to the abuse, how the abuse has affected their lives as
adults, and their suggestions for preventing sibling abuse. Participants could respond
to identical questions for each type of sibling abuse that they experiencedphysical,
emotional, or sexual.
The information presented in this book is based on 150 responses. (Completed
questionnaires as well as requests for questionnaires continued to come to the author
long after the closing deadline for gathering data.) Descriptive information on the
respondents will help to understand their responses.
Eighty-nine percent (134) of the respondents were female; 11% (16) were male.
The average age of those responding was 37 years. Eighty-five percent (127) were
white; 13% (20) were African American, and 2% (3) represented other racial or ethnic
backgrounds.
Twenty-seven percent (41) of the respondents were single. Forty-seven percent (73)
were married and 3% (4) identified themselves as cohabiting with someone. Twenty-
one percent (31) were divorced. Only one person who was widowed responded to the
research.
The respondents represented a well-educated group of persons: 16% (24) having a
high school education or less, while 50% (75) had attended college or completed an
undergraduate degree. An additional 34% (51) held a graduate degree.
Problem
The educational level of the respondents' parents was examined as a way of
characterizing their families. Fifty-seven percent (85) of the respondents' mothers
had a high school education or less. Forty-three [p. 8
] percent (65) had attended

college, completed college, or held graduate degrees. The educational levels of the
respondents' fathers was almost identical with only one more father having attended or
completed college.
It was not possible to control for the socioeconomic status of the respondents' parents
because of the absence of information on the parents' income and the different times
when the respondents were children. The average educational level, one index of
socioeconomic status, for the parents was at least a high school education. Thus, the
respondents appear on the average to come from at least middle-income families.
Seventy-one percent (107) of the respondents provided their names, addresses,
and phone numbers at the end of the questionnaire, indicating their willingness to be
contacted for a possible follow-up letter or phone call.
Data Analysis
Research data are generally analyzed by quantitative methods that rely on counting
or measuring following the use of standardized instruments and scales. Data of this
nature may then be analyzed through the use of descriptive and inferential statistics.
But research on topics about which little is knownexploratory researchlends itself
to qualitative rather than to quantitative analysis. The goal of qualitative analysis is to
understand the research topic from the perspective of the participants involvedtheir
thoughts, emotions, or first-hand experiences (Royse, 1995).
Qualitative data analysis is descriptive in nature, with little to no use of statistics.
Anecdotal accounts form an important part of the findings. Qualitative analysis tries to
catch the emotions and moods of the respondents to learn about the problem from their
perspective and to discover their reaction to the problem. Thus, qualitative analysis was
the form of data analysis chosen for this initial study in sibling abuse. The survivors'
descriptions of sibling abuse in their own words form an essential component of this
book. While it was not possible to include the comments of all respondents, a deliberate
Problem
effort was made to avoid sensationalism in selecting the comments to illustrate the
major themes. The comments are reproduced with only limited editing to correct the
grammar. The respondents' written comments were content-analyzed [p. 9
] for major
themes and subjects. These themes form the major chapter divisions.
Application of the Findings
No claim can be made that the sample responding to this research is representative of
the larger population. The number of persons who were in therapy or support groups,
and the number of professionals working in the area of family violence who were
survivors of sibling abuse, may cause a bias in the direction of individuals who were
acutely aware of their abuse and have either sought help or have chosen to work in
the area of treating and preventing family violence. Eighty-seven percent (130) of the
respondents indicated that they had received counseling for emotional problems. The
sample may also represent a bias toward individuals who were abused by a sibling
more severely than other survivors of sibling abuse. The geographical dispersion of
the respondents, however, and the fact that they received treatment from a variety of
resources, rather than just from one type of mental health agency, helps to reduce the
bias and enhance the representativeness of the sample.
Researchers in the field of family violence, especially in the area of sexual abuse, are
encouraged to secure survivor-participants as soon as possible after abuse is reported.
But this is not possible for sibling sexual abuse, which is generally not reported and
for which help is not sought until many years after the abuse occurred. Longitudinal
research could accomplish this, but such research is costly and difficult to implement
because of methodological issues, such as the influence of intervening variables, as
well as sample mortality. Individuals who have been in treatment for their abuse for
a significant period of time or who have been involved in a support group for abuse
survivors, however, may have a greater awareness and sensitivity of how their abuse
has affected them than survivors who are just realizing that they were victimized as
children. This may be regarded as a bias, but since the intent of this initial research on
sibling abuse is to sensitize professionals and parents to the problem, the sensitivity
and awareness of these individuals adds strength to their message.
Problem
The use of a control or comparison group is an important component of research
methodology. It was not possible to use such a group in this research, nor was it
deemed appropriate because of the exploratory [p. 10
] nature of the research. When

further research of a more rigorous nature is done, the use of control and comparison
groups will be important in advancing knowledge about sibling abuse.
Readers' Response to the Research
Some readers may find the comments of survivors harsh, crude, and in reference
to sexual abuse even vulgar. Those readers should remember that these are the
comments of survivors of sibling abusephysical, emotional, or sexual. They are telling
their stories not to entertain or please but to describe what happened to them, the pain
and emotional suffering they experienced as children at the hands of a sibling that made
their childhood a nightmare, and the effects of a victimization that continues to haunt
them as adults.
Other readers may react to the survivors' stories with disbelief and deny the validity
or truthfulness of their statements. However, logically, why would someone go to
the trouble of writing a letter requesting a copy of the research questionnaire only to
falsify a response? If subjects had been paid to respond, this might be a legitimate
criticism, but there were no rewards. It even cost the respondents their time and energy
to complete the research instrument, 14 pages in length. To deny the validity of the
survivors' comments is to respond to sibling abuse as Freud and Kinsey historically
responded to the sexual abuse of women; with reference to Freud, to discount the
reality of incestuous abuse or to blame the child for being the one who wanted the
sexual contact in the first place, and in the case of Kinsey, to discount the seriousness
of the consequences of the sexual abuse of children (Herman, 1981; Masson, 1984;
Rush, 1977; 1980; Russell, 1986).
Terminology
Several terms and phrases should be clarified. The term survivor rather than victim
will be used to refer to individuals who experienced sibling abuse when they were
Problem
growing up. Individuals who have been victims of various forms of abuse prefer to call
themselves survivors. Being a victim implies helplessness. A victim of an automobile
accident may be trapped in the wreckage or may be unconscious. The victim needs
someone to act as a rescuer. Being a survivor, however, implies survival, [p. 11
]
persistence, recovery, despite the abuse that has occurred. In subsequent chapters,
the term survivor will generally be used to refer to the individual who was the target of
aggression from a sibling; however, at times the designation victim may be used when
referring to the individual at the time the abuse was occurring. The individual engaging
in the abusive behavior against a sibling will be referred to as the perpetrator.
Throughout the pages that follow, reference will be made to abuse that occurs between
siblings. The use of the word between suggests that only two siblings were involved;
that the abuse did not occur among three or more siblings. The phrase between
siblings was deliberately chosen because although sibling abuse may occur among
several siblings in a family, the survivors who described their experiences in this
research generally did so as the victims of a single sibling.
Format of the Book
In Chapters 2, 3, and 4 the survivors tell how they were physically, emotionally, and
sexually abused by their siblings, respectively. Chapter 5 describes the parents' reaction
to the abuse. Chapter 6 presents theoretical frameworks for understanding sibling
abuse. The effects of sibling abuse on the survivors is the focus of Chapter 7. Chapter
8 identifies criteria for distinguishing normal interactive behaviors between siblings from
abusive behavior. Based on an understanding of why sibling abuse occurs and what
distinguishes abusive behavior from normal sibling interactions, Chapter 9 focuses on
strategies for preventing sibling abuse. Chapter 10 discusses implications of sibling
abuse for mental health professionals who may be treating survivors. A final word to the
readers is found in Chapter 11.
Problem
A Challenge
Sibling abuse may be happening in many families across the nation. Just as efforts
successfully have been made through education and legislation to prevent other
types of family violence, the challenge faces society now to recognize that abuse in
families can occur not only between adults or between adults and children, but also
between children in the same family in the form of sibling abuse. Efforts must be made
to recognize this form of abuse so that it can be prevented and the survivors [p. 12
]
treated for the effects of the abuse on their lives. One respondent to the research made
a plea for this:
Thanks for being interested in sibling abuse. Those of us who have
been victims of this have had to live with it as if we deserved it or it was
our fault. My childhood was horrible because of what my brother did
to me. I recently met someone whose sister abused her. It was only
because I finally sought therapy for my problems that I could talk to her
about the abuse both of us experienced from our siblings. Please get
the message out that there is such a thing as sibling abuse.
Summary
During the past decades, several types of family violence have been recognized
by societychild, spouse, and elder abuse. Legislation has been passed and
organizations have been formed for detecting, treating, and preventing these problems.
One type of family violencesibling abuselargely remains unrecognized but often is
excused as part of the normal process of growing up or as sibling rivalry.
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Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical,

Emotional, and Sexual Trauma

] open from behind the

] between siblings do not come to

] heard of that? After this repeatedly occurred, the author

] percent (65) had attended

] nature of the research. When

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