WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs

Does birth order help shape us into who we are? Researchers

opinions vary widely. This educational topic examines the different
birth order placements and their typical characteristics. Typical is
defned here as the characteristics that are most common to different
birth order positions.
Being the oldest child,
the middle child, or
the baby may impact
our personal development.
We will highlight a
common, three-child family
in this program topic.
Background
The infuence of birth
order has longintrigued
psychologists. Alfred
Alder, the founder of
Individual Psychology,
formally raised the issue
in the early 1900s. Birth
order refers to a persons place in the family. Some psychologists have
labeled it the family constellation. The basic question is, How much
does his or her position in the family mold a persons personality?
Why are siblings often so different? They have the same parents,
grew up in the same household, and yet seem unlike each other.
Over time, parental attitudes, circumstances, and relationships may
change. So the frstborn doesnt really experience the same parents
as the youngest child or the three children in between.
Each individual is unique. We are products of our heredity and
environment. A powerful part of that environment is our family.
Birth order theories are not easily measured. Common tendencies
that have been observed over time lend support to generalizations
about behavior. Awareness of those tendencies may help us, as
individuals, to interact more effectively with our children, spouses,
and co-workers. The descriptions used here are based on a three-
continued
WLG 237
Does Birth Order Really Matter?
Sue Flanagan,WVU Extension Agent, Berkeley County
Patty Morrison,WVU Extension Agent, Wirt County
Educational
Objectives
1. Participants will
have a greater
awareness of the
possible impacts
of birth order
positions.
2. Participants will
examine the
different birth
order placements
and their typical
characteristics.
WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs
child (frst, middle, and last) family. The
only child is also described. In families with
more or fewer than three children, common
characteristics may not be as pronounced.
Variables
Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order
Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, believes
that birth order can help provide answers
about personality. He stresses being aware
of the variables affecting family situations.
Some variables include:
Spacing (the number of years between
children) If the children are more than fve
years apart in age, birth order characteristics
may not apply. In such cases, the family
may, in fact, have two frstborns.
Gender The sex of the children can have
a great impact. The frst son may be treated
like the frstborn despite having an older
sister. The youngest boy with three older
sisters has a different family position than
a youngest boy with three older brothers.
Physical differences, disabilities,
or medical needs A special childs
need for extra attention can skew
typical characteristics.
Family structures Any blending of two
or more families because of death, divorce,
or the decision by adults to live together
can infuence the birth order patterns.
Parental birth order impact The birth
order position of the parents and their
relationship can affect the home environment.
Here is a brief outline of the four
birth order groups without regard
to these variables.
The Firstborn
Its easy to understand the special relationship
the frstborn has with her parents. Everything
the child accomplishes is recorded, applauded,
and documented. First-time parents try to be
sure to do everything right to parent properly.
Their attitude may be refected by the child
who then tries to please the parents by doing
everything right.
Parents also typically spend more time with
the frst child. Their attention is not divided
among several children but focused on
only one. They have time to play with
their frstborn and provide more language
interactions. The encouragement the parents
give the frstborn may increase her desire to
achieve and receive praise, but it also may raise
the pressure to succeed. The frstborn often
becomes very skilled at knowing what parents
(and later teachers and bosses) want, and then
doing it. She becomes very rule-conscious and
goal-oriented, with strong attention to detail.
Because the family later may rely on the
frstborn and leave her in charge of younger
siblings, she becomes more dependable. Her
younger siblings view her as their leader, and
her leadership ability and confdence increase.
She is frequently described as ambitious,
determined, and organized.
Being the frstborn also presents some
disadvantages. The desire to please can cause
some frstborns to fear failure to such an extent
that they set even higher standards. There is
more pressure, higher expectations (she must
set the good example), and the rules for
behavior may be tighter and stricter for the
frst child, even as additional children are born.
The Only Child
The only child may be lonely for playmates but
frequently enjoys the undivided attention of
his parents. Because of the extra time spent
interacting with adults, he frequently develops
WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs
strong language skills. Time spent alone
helps develop his creativity and imagination.
He may have opportunities that children
from large families lack. The stereotype of the
spoiled and selfsh only child has been replaced
by the realization that he can be as happy and
well-adjusted as a child in any birth position.
However, the pressures on the only child
can be large. All the weight of his parents
expectations is refected by this child.
In addition, the childs own high goals can
present a burden. He can have a more driven
personality than even a frstborn. He may
be described like a frstborn (well-organized,
reliable, conscientious, serious, and
conservative) to an extra degree. The urge
for perfection may develop into a tendency
to be critical of himself and others.
The Middle Child
Look at a photo
album of a family
with three children
and you will usually
notice something
quickly. Normally,
there are many
pictures of the
frstborn, several
of the youngest,
but often few of the
middle born. The
middle born may
appear in lots of
pictures with the
siblings. Lack of
such individual attention may make the middle
child feel unloved.
The characteristics of the middle child can
exhibit the most variety of any of the birth
order positions. The middle child may be a
mediator or one who totally avoids confict. She
may be shy and quiet or friendly and outgoing.
She may compete with the older child or decide
to avoid competition. She may be independent
but extremely loyal to a peer group. The middle
child can sometimes be the familys rebel. Many
times, she excels at something the frstborn
does not. For example, if the older child does
well in school, the middle child may take up
sports and excel in athletics while being an
average student.
The middle child may feel squeezed by the
older and younger siblings. She may feel she
doesnt have a place in the family. She is not
the prized frstborn or the cute baby.
It may seem that the middle child has the
toughest family position, but this position
also can offer the best of both worlds. She is
younger than the oldest, yet older than the
youngest. She is both a big sister and
a little sister.
Middle-born children tend to have more
people skills than their siblings because of
the negotiating and mediating they have had
to do growing up. The middle child often is
thought of as the effective team player and may
have carved out her place outside the family,
thereby acquiring many friends.
The Youngest Child
The youngest child in the family often hears
You will always be the baby even when he is
30 years old. Often, the baby is the outgoing
charmer, the air head, the affectionate one.
The youngest child likes to perform for the
other members of the family to get attention.
Since he frequently is catered to by everyone,
he can develop some less favorable traits and
be critical, temperamental, spoiled, impatient,
and impetuous.
The youngest child often may have everyone
in the family pampering and making over him.
The older siblings enjoy playing with the baby,
and mom and dad are more relaxed at this
point in their parenting life.
The youngest child does not have either the
pressures of the oldest child or the left out
feeling of middle child. He has two older
siblings to learn from, but he may also depend
on them too much. Sometimes the youngest
child will not accept responsibility or make
decisions on his own. The older siblings have
been the leaders, and frequently the youngest
has not had to be an independent thinker.
WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs
Conclusion
In addition to ones
place in the family,
the combinations of
gender and number
of children in a
family can vary in
many ways that can
affect personality.
As always, human
actions may defy
the predicted responses. Knowing the birth
order of people we interact with may help us
understand why both we and they are the way
we are.
Suggested Activities
ACTIVITY 1:
Before sharing the participant leafet (WL 237),
read aloud the descriptions of each birth order
and ask participants to raise their hand if the
description matches them. Ask them what
birth order they are and see if the description
matches their birth position.
Firstborn: high-achiever, conscientious,
determined, leader
Only Child: creative, perfectionist, super-
organized, strong language skills
Middle Child: outgoing, fexible, generous,
a mediator
Youngest Child: charming, affectionate,
enjoys attention, impatient

ACTIVITY 2:
Using the characteristics listed above, have
participants match the characteristics with
the birth order position. You could do this
on paper or orally.
ACTIVITY 3: (Suitable for a large group)
Preparation: Before the activity, copy the
following instructions on four sheets of paper.
Instructions: The frst person to pick up
this paper becomes the leader of this group.
Introduce yourself and have everyone
else in your group do the same. In the
next 10 minutes, as a group, make a list
of personality characteristics you have
in common.
Divide the group into birth order groups and
send each group to a different part of the room.
Let them just talk for a few minutes without
giving them any verbal instructions.
Quietly slip one sheet of paper face down on the
foor into each group. Watch and make notes of
which group looked at the paper frst and what
they did. Make an announcement after a few
minutes that time is almost up. Observe how
each group reacts.
Ask each group to share their list of
characteristics. Then report what you observed
about each group. Were their actions consistent
with what you have learned about birth order?
References:
Leman, Dr. Kevin, The Birth Order Book: Why You
Are the Way You Are, New York: Dell Publishing, 1985
Needlman, Robert, M.D., F.A.A.P., Birth Order
Topics, Birth Order: The Basics; Birth Order
Is Not Destiny; Firstborns: The Family Pioneers;
Middle Children: Finding Their Own Pride of Place;
Only Children: Finding the Middle Ground between
Lonely and Lionized; Youngest Children: The Perks
and Perils of Being the Baby
Richardson, Lois A., M.A. and Dr. Ronald W.
Richardson, Birth Order and You, How Your Sex
and Position in the Family Affects Your Personality
and Relationships, International Self-Counsel Press
Ltd., 1990.
www.drSpock.com 2005, Dr. Spock Company, July 2007,
www.drspock.com/topic/0,1504,586,00.html
2007:10M
Programs and activities offered by the West Virginia University Extension Service are available to all persons without regard
to race, color, sex, disability, religion, age, veteran status, political beliefs, sexual orientation, national origin, and marital
or family status. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with
the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Director, Cooperative Extension Service, West Virginia University. FH07222