The Sheep Man's Christmas

by MURAKAMI Haruki
Translated by Christophor Allison
While it was yet high summer, the heep Man was asked to !ompose
some musi! "or Christmas# The heep Man and his sheep $isitor, who
had !ome to ask him to undertake the !omposition, sweated pro"usely
under their summer sheep suits# As long as summer lasted, the heep
Man was %uite miserable, be!ause he was but a poor sheep man and
!ould not a""ord an air !onditioner# As the "an slapped around and
around in !ir!les, the sheep ears o" the two sheep "ellows "luttered
so"tly in the bree&e#
'We, the heep Men(s Coun!il,) began the heep Man(s $isitor,
unloosening the "astener at his !ollar so as to allow the wind "rom the
"an to blow in, 'e$ery year sele!t one sheep, blessed with prodigious
musi!al talent, to !ompose musi! in honour o" our Most Holy *atron,
the heep aint# This musi! will then!e be per"ormed on Christmas
+ay# This year, happily, you ha$e been !hosen#)
',h, I see,) said the heep Man#
'This year espe!ially, it being the -.//th anni$ersary o" His passing,
we desire parti!ularly splendid musi!, be"itting to this sa!red e$ent,)
he !on!luded#
'I see, I see,) said the heep Man, s!rat!hing his ears#
'Christmas is still "our and a hal" months away,) he thought to himsel"#
'With that mu!h time, I !an !ertainly !ompose some magni"i!ent
sheep musi!#)
'I(ll be happy to do it# 0ou !an !ount on me,) he replied, his !hest
swelling with pride# 'I(ll !ertainly do my best to write e1!ellent sheep
musi!#
eptember passed, and then ,!tober and 2o$ember, but the heep
Man hadn(t been able to begin the musi! re%uested by the heep
Men(s Coun!il# 3e!ause the heep Man worked in the neighborhood
donut shop, he had $ery little time to de$ote to the !omposition#
Moreo$er, whene$er he began to play his ramsha!kle old piano, the
wi"e o" the boarding house(s landlord would in$ariably !ome up the
steps and pound on his door#
'Cut that ra!ket out4 I !an barely here the tele$ision#)
'I(m terribly sorry# 3ut sin!e I ha$e to ha$e this musi! done by
Christmas, might I beg o" you to bear with me a little while5) the
heep Man said meekly#
'What a idioti! thing to say,) erupted the landlord(s wi"e# 'I" you don(t
like it, you !an 6ust lea$e right now# 7ust be!ause we let weirdoes like
you li$e here doesn(t mean that you !an make a laughing sto!k out o"
us# I" this is a problem "or you, well, too bad#)
The heep Man ga&ed at the !alendar with a "eeling o" dread# 8$en
though Christmas was 6ust "our short weeks away, he hadn(t been able
to write a single bar o" the promised musi!, sin!e he !ouldn(t play the
piano#
,ne day, the heep Man was sitting in the park, eating donuts with
something o" a disturbed !ountenan!e, when he was approa!hed by
the heep *ro"essor# 'What(s wrong, my dear heep lad5) the heep
*ro"essor en%uired#
'I(m not "eeling $ery well# 8$en though Christmas is !oming,
something is really bothering me# That is to say, Christmas is part o"
the problem,) the heep Man began, and then !on"essed the whole
story to the heep *ro"essor#
'Hmmm###) said the heep *ro"essor, stroking his beard# 'I" that(s the
!ase, I think I !an help you#)
'Really5) the heep Man replied skepti!ally# 3e!ause the heep
*ro"essor had only studied sheep9related matters all his li"e, there had
de$eloped among the people in the neighborhood the suspi!ion that he
was a little bit %ueer in the head#
'0es, really,) the heep *ro"essor said# 'Come to my house tonight at
:;//# I(ll tea!h you e1!ellent methods and te!hni%ues o" !omposition#
3y the way, !an I ha$e one o" those !innamon donuts5)
'0es, o" !ourse,) the heep Man said, resenting it inwardly# 'Here you
go#) And they sat together on the ben!h and mun!hed donuts#
That e$ening, bearing a pa!kage o" si1 !innamon donuts as a gi"t, the
heep Man $isited the heep *ro"essor(s house# It was an old bri!k
a""air, and all the shrubberies had been pruned into the shape o"
sheep# The doorbell, too, as well as the gateposts and the "lagstones,
were all sheep# 'Holy !ow4) thought the heep Man to himsel"#
," the si1 donuts, the heep *ro"essor de$oured "our without so mu!h
as stopping "or a breath# The remaining two he put in a !upboard as i"
they were $ery important# <inally, wetting his "ingers with his tongue,
he mopped up the s!attered !rumbs on the tabletop and li!ked his
"ingers !lean#
'This "ellow !ertainly likes his donuts,) thought the heep Man, rather
impressed#
,n!e his "ingers were thoroughly !lean, the heep *ro"essor retrie$ed
a huge book "rom a book!ase# The History o" heep Men was printed
on the !o$er#
'o, master heep,) the *ro"essor began hea$ily# 'In this book is
written e$erything !on!ei$able !on!erning sheep men# Here we will
"ind the reason why you ha$en(t been able to write the sheep musi!#)
'3ut *ro"essor, I already know the reason# It(s be!ause the landlady
won(t let me play the piano,) said the heep Man# 'I" only I !ould play
the piano###)
'2onsense,) the heep *ro"essor said, shaking his head# '8$en i" you
!ould play that piano, you still wouldn(t write the musi!# The deeper
reason is in here#)
'What(s that5) asked the heep Man#
'0ou ha$e been !urse,) the heep *ro"essor said with a grima!e#
'Cursed5)
'=uite so,) said the heep *ro"essor nodding se$eral times# '3e!ause
you ha$e been !ursed, you !an neither play the piano nor !ompose
musi!#)
',h,) the heep Man groaned# '3ut why ha$e I been !ursed, do you
suppose5 I ha$en(t done anything bad to anybody#)
The heep *ro"essor "lipped through the pages o" the book
de1terously# '*erhaps you looked up at the moon on 7une >.th5)
'2o# I ha$en(t seen the moon in the last "i$e years#)
'Well, then maybe you ate something with a hole in it on Christmas
8$e last year5)
'I eat donuts "or lun!h e$eryday# I !an(t remember e1a!tly what kind
o" donuts I ate on Christmas 8$e last year, but###umm### I(m pretty
!ertain I had donuts#)
'+onuts with holes in them5)
'0es, I imagine so# I mean, almost all donuts ha$e hole in them#)
'That(s it4) the heep *ro"essor said, nodding $igorously# '0ou ha$e
been !ursed as a result o" this# urely some sheep tea!her must ha$e
taught you not to eat "ood with holes in it on Christmas 8$e5)
'I($e ne$er heard that be"ore,) said the heep Man, surprised# Is that
true all o$er5)
'2ot knowing about the <east o" the heep aint###that(s startling,)
replied the heep *ro"essor, e$en more surprised# 'Kids today###they
don(t know anything4 When you were be!oming a sheep man, didn(t
they tea!h you this stu"" in heep Man(s !hool5)
'0eah, I guess so# 3ut I didn(t do so well with my studies,) the heep
Man said, s!rat!hing his head#
'?ook here, this mis"ortune has be"allen you be!ause you are a $ery
!areless sheep man# 0ou ha$e brought this upon yoursel"#
2e$ertheless,) the heep *ro"essor !ontinued, 'be!ause you ha$e
brought donuts to me, I will instru!t you# While +e!ember -@th is
Christmas 8$e, it is also the <east o" the heep aint# ,n this day, as
the Most Holy heep aint was walking along a road in the middle o"
the night, he "ell into a hole and died# <or this reason, it is a $ery
sa!red day# Conse%uently, the eating o" "oods with holes in them on
this day has been e19pli9!it9ly prohibited sin!e an!ient times# u!h
"oods as ma!aroni, wiss !heese, donuts, onion rings, and o" !ourse
bagels, !an !ause se$ere problems#)
'I beg your pardon, but what was the Most Holy heep aint doing
walking along a road in the middle o" the night5 And why was there a
hole in the road5)
'I don(t know the answer to these %uestions# These e$ents happened
-.// years ago, so the !auses !annot be known# 3ut anyway, it was
de!ided then# It is a law in$iolable# Whether you know it or not, the
breaking o" the law will result in a !urse being pla!ed upon you# When
you were !ursed, you !eased to be a sheep man# 0ou !annot !ompose
the heep Musi! "or this reason# 0es#)
'I(m su!h an idiot,) the heep Man said weakly# 'Is there any way o"
remo$ing this !urse5)
'Hmm,) said the heep *ro"essor# 'There(s a way, but I(m a"raid that
it(s not $ery easy# 3ut that(s ,K, isn(t it5)
'I don(t !are# I(ll do whate$er it takes# *lease tell me#)
'The way is "or you yoursel" to "all into a hole#)
'Hole5) said the heep Man# 'This hole, what kind o" hole is it e1a!tly5
Is any hole ,K5)
'+on(t be stupid# 2ot 6ust any hole will do# The si&e and depth o" the
hole ne!essary to remo$e the !urse are $ery !learly de"ined# ?u!kily,
it(s "airly small# I(ll try to "ind it "or you now#)
The heep *ro"essor retrie$ed a tattered book entitled The ?egend o"
the Most Holy heep aint and poured o$er it(s pages#
'Well###hmm###ah, here it is# It says that the Most Holy heep aint "ell
into a hole two meters in diameter and -/A meters deep, whereupon
he passed away# There"ore, a hole o" the same dimensions will su""i!e#)
'3ut I !an(t dig a hole that deep by mysel"# And anyway, i" I "all into a
hole like that, won(t I be killed be"ore the !urse is broken5)
'Wait, waitB there(s more; CWhen attempting to break the !urse, it shall
not matter i" the depth o" the hole be redu!ed by the s!ale o" >//
parts to one# Thus, a hole o" two meters and three !entimeters shall
be su""i!ient(#)
',h, good# I" that(s all, I !an dig it# 2o problem,) the heep Man said,
relie$ed#
The heep Man borrowed the book "rom the heep *ro"essor and
returned home# In the book were spelled out !ountless regulations that
had to be "ollowed in order to break the spell# The heep Man tried to
write them down, one by one#
>D The hole must be dug with a sho$el ha$ing a handle made o"
tuneriko wood# E3e!ause the heep aint had !arried a sta"" made o"
this wood#D
-D The Hole9<alling must o!!ur at >;>: in the morning, on Christmas
8$e# E3e!ause the heep aint "ell at this time#D
AD At the time o" the Hole9<alling, a sa!k lun!h bearing no hole9
!ontaining "oods must be brought#
Regulations E>D and E-D were "ine, and e$en the rule !on!erning the
height o" the drop made some sense, but the heep Man really
!ouldn(t understand the ne!essity o" the sa!k lun!h#
'How strange,) the heep Man thought to himsel"# '3ut I guess I had
better do it the way it says here#)
Christmas 8$e was only three days o""# In three short days, he had to
make a sho$el with a handle o" tuneriko wood, and dig a hole with a
!ir!um"eren!e o" two meters and a depth o" -/A !entimeters#
'3oy, this is a $ery strange thing that(s happening,) the heep Man
sighed#
He "ound a tuneriko tree in the "orest, and !ut o"" a small bran!h# In
one day, he managed to whittle it into the handle o" a sho$el# The ne1t
day, he !ommen!ed to dig the hole in the ba!k yard o" his house#
While he was digging, the landlady spotted him#
'0ou there4 What are you digging that hole "or5) she demanded#
'I(m digging a hole to dump garbage in,) the heep Man replied# 'I
thought maybe it would be handy#)
',h# Is that it5 Well, i" you try anything "unny, I(m gonna !all the
!ops,) the landlady said s!orn"ully# With that, she turned and walked
away#
Using a measuring tape, the heep Man !are"ully insured that his hole
was dug e1a!tly to the spe!i"i!ations "or diameter and depth#
'That ought to do it,) the heep Man said to himsel", !o$ering the hole
with a wooden lid#
At last Christmas 8$e arri$ed# The heep Man got a do&en donuts o"
the twisty $ariety, without holes, "rom the donut shop, and pa!ked
them in a knapsa!k# This was the e1tent o" his sa!k lun!h# <inally, he
put his wallet and a small "lashlight in the breast po!ket o" his sheep
suit, and !losed the "astener# At >;//, he snu!k around the house and
was engul"ed in total darkness# There was no moon and the stars
weren(t out, so he !ould not e$en see his hand in "ront o" his "a!e#
'It must ha$e been this dark the night the Most Holy heep aint "ell
into that hole,) the heep Man murmured, as he sear!hed "or the hole
with his "lashlight# 'It(ll be >;>: soon# What i" I !an(t "ind the hole, and
ha$e to wait until Christmas 8$e ne1t year5 That would be aw"uuuu###)
7ust as he said this, the ground beneath his "eet suddenly wasn(t
there# The heep Man had "allen into the hole#
'omeone must ha$e remo$ed the !o$er during the day,) the heep
Man thought as he "ell# 'I(ll bet is was that nasty landlady# he always
hates e$erything I do#) 3ut when the heep Man "inished thinking this
thought, he reali&ed something $ery strange was happening# 'The hole
I dug was only -/A !entimeters deep# urely, a"ter "alling "or so long, I
should ha$e hit the bottom by now#)
Then suddenly, with %uite a thud, the heep Man hit the bottom o" the
hole# And, although the hole was "ear"ully deep, he was pe!uliarly
unhurt#
A"ter shaking his head a little, the heep Man tried to shine the
"lashlight at his surroundings, only to "ind that the "lashlight wasn(t
there# He surmised that he must ha$e dropped it when he "ell into the
hole#
'What(s this, goddamit5) !ame a $oi!e out o" the darkness# 'It(s only
>;>@# 0ou(re - minutes early, goddamit# 0ou(ll ha$e to !limb ba!k up to
the top and do it again "rom the beginning#)
'I(m sorry# I !ouldn(t see $ery well be!ause it was dark, and I "ell into
the hole by a!!ident,) the heep Man said# '3ut I(m a"raid there(s no
way I !ould !limb to the top o" a hole that deep#)
'0ou got to, goddamit# 7ee&, a little bit earlier and you !ould ha$e
"lattened me# I thought you were !oming at >;>:, goddamit#)
There was the sound o" a mat!h and a !andle was lit# The "igure that
held the !andle was $ery tall# 3ut though he was $ery tall, his
shoulders were no higher than the heep Man(s# His head was $ery
long and twisted around like a twisty donut#
'3y the way, goddamit, you better ha$e brought a sa!k lun!h with you
when you "ell,) the Twist said, 'be!ause, i" you didn(t, you(re in big
trouble, goddamit#)
'," !ourse I brought it,) the heep Man said, ner$ously#
'Well, gi$e it here, goddamit# I(m star$ed#)
The heep Man opened the knapsa!k and, retrie$ing the twisty donuts
one by one, handed them o$er to the Twist#
'What the hell(s this5) the Twist said, seeing the donuts# '0ou must be
an idiot to bring me "ood that looks like my own goddam head#)
'2o, it was a mistake,) the heep Man said, wiping the sweat "rom his
brow# 'I work at a donut shop, you see, and these twisty donuts were
the only things that didn(t ha$e holes in them#)
'Ahh4 0ou said Ctwisty(, goddamit4) the Twist said, "alling to his knees#
Tears began to "low "rom his twisty eyes# 'It(s be!ause o" this goddam
"a!e that I ha$e to stay at the bottom o" this goddam hole and be the
goddam gate9keeper, goddamit#)
',h, I(m su!h a !lod# I mad a mistake# I meant to say Ctwisted(#)
'Well, it(s too late now, goddamit#) the Twist said, still !rying#
?a!king any !ourse o" a!tion, the heep Man retrie$ed one o" the
twisted donuts, and a"ter untangling the twist and stret!hing it out
straight, handed it to the Twist#
'?ook, there(s no problem# ee, it(s straight# Why don(t you eat it5 It(s
deli!ious#)
The Twist took the donut and ate it with relish, although he didn(t stop
!rying#
While the Twist ate donuts and wept, the heep Man borrowed his
!andle and in$estigated the bottom o" the hole# It was a bare, broad
!hamber, !ontaining only the Twist(s bed and desk# 'in!e he !alled
himsel" Cthe gatekeeper(, there must !ertainly be a gate around here
somewhere that he(s prote!ting,) the heep Man reasoned# 'I" there(s
not a gate, you !ertainly don(t need a gatekeeper#)
pe!ulating thus, the heep Man "ound a small passageway whi!h
opened "rom beside the bed# Taking the !andle with him, he !limbed
into the tunnel#
'I" only I hadn(t ate those donuts on Christmas 8$e last year, I
wouldn(t be up this !reek now,) the heep Man said to himsel"#
A"ter about ten more minutes, it slowly began to grow light in the
tunnel# oon, the mouth o" the passage was in $iew# <rom outside the
hole, bright sunlight spilled in#
'How $ery strange# When I "ell into the hole, it was 6ust past one in the
morning# It !an(t be dawn yet,) the heep Man thought, !raning his
ne!k#
When he !ame out o" the tunnel, he "ound a broad, empty !learing
be"ore him# Tall trees su!h as he had ne$er seen be"ore surrounded
this !learing# *u""y, white !louds "loated in the sky, and he !ould hear
the song o" birds#
'Huh# I wonder what I should do now# In that book, it said that i" I "ell
down the hole then the !urse would be broken, but it didn(t mention
anything about this#)
Ha$ing grown rather hungry, the heep Man de!ided to eat one o" the
remaining donuts "rom his knapsa!k, but while he was nibbling on it,
he heard a $oi!e "rom behind him#
'Food a"ternoon, Mr# heep Man#)
'Hello#)
When he turned around to look, he saw twin girls standing there# ,ne
wore a shirt bearing the number C-/G(, and the other similarly wore
C-/H(#
Aside "rom the numbers, the two girls were alike in e$ery detail#
'Hey guys,) the heep Man said# 'Would you like to !ome o$er here
and eat donuts with me5)
'Wow, great4) -/G said#
'They look really good,) -/H said#
'They are# I made them mysel",) the heep Man replied#
o the three o" them sat in a row on the ground and ate donuts#
'Thanks "or the "ood,) -/H said#
'That(s the "irst time I($e e$er had su!h deli!ious donuts,) -/G said#
'That(s good,) the heep Man said# '3y the way, I($e had this !urse put
on me, and I was wondering i" you know what I(m supposed to do
now# I !ame here to try to break the spell#)
'How terrible4) -/G said#
'3eing !ursed must be tough,) -/H said#
'Really tough,) the heep Man !on"irmed with a sigh#
'I wonder i" he should try $isiting the eagull(s wi"e,) -/H said to -/G#
'That(s a good idea# The seagull(s wi"e will know what to do, I(ll bet,)
-/G said to -/H#
'he knows all about !urses, a"ter all,) -/H said to -/G#
'Hey, !an you take me to see the Full(s wi"e5) the heep Man asked
e1!itedly#
'Umm, not the Full,) said -/G#
'The eagull,) said -/H#
'The Full and the eagull are totally di""erent, a"ter all,) said -/G#
'That(s right,) said -/H#
'orry, sorry,) the heep Man apologi&ed to -/G and -/H# 'Can you
take me to see the eagull(s wi"e5)
'At your ser$i!e,) said -/G#
'With pleasure,) said -/H#
o the twins and the heep Man walked along the road through the
"orest together# As they walked, the twins sang a little song;
Always with the twins,
8$en i" the wind blows east and west#
Always with the twins,
8$en i" the wind blows right and le"t#
A"ter walking "or >/ or >. minutes, the "orest ended and the sea
spread out be"ore them "or as "ar as the eye !ould see#
'Can you see the little sha!k on top o" that big ro!k o$er there5 That(s
the eagull(s house,) -/H said, pointing#
'We !an(t go outside the "orest,) -/G said#
'Well, thank you $ery mu!h# 0ou ha$e really helped me out,) the
heep Man replied# He then rea!hed into his knapsa!k, retrie$ed two
donuts, and handed one to ea!h o" the twins#
'Thank you, Mr# heep Man,) -/G said#
'Food lu!k breaking your !urse,) -/H said#
Fetting to the eagull(s wi"e(s house was %uite a death9de"ying
endea$or# The ro!k was rugged and steep, and there was no path to
speak o"# In addition, a sharp sea bree&e threatened to blow the heep
Man o"" at any time#
'I guess this is ,K "or the eagull(s wi"e, sin!e she !an "ly# 3ut it(s no
"un "or those o" us who ha$e to !limb,) the heep Man !omplained#
omehow, he e$entually "ound his way to the top o" the ro!k and
kno!ked on the door o" the eagull(s wi"e(s house#
'Who(s there5 0ou !olle!ting "or the newspaper5) he heard a loud,
rattling $oi!e "rom within the house say#
'Umm, no###I(m known as the heep Man###) he began#
'I don(t want any,) said the $oi!e !urtly#
'I(m not a weirdo or anything# *lease open the door#)
'0ou(re really not !olle!ting "or the newspaper5)
uddenly, the door burst open, and the eagull(s wi"e(s "a!e popped
out# he was $ery tall and her beak was pointed like a pi!k9a1e#
'The twins told me that you know e$erything there is to know about
!urses,) said the heep Man, ner$ously# That beak !ould ha$e split his
head open and killed him# The eagull(s wi"e looked him o$er
doubt"ully#
'0ou(ll ha"ta !ome inside# I !an(t hear a word you(re saying#)
The inside o" the house was terribly messy# The "loor was !o$ered with
dust, a bottle o" !atsup had spilled all o$er the table, and the trash!an
was o$er"lowing#
The heep Man e1plained all o" the pre!eding e$ents, one by one#
'3oy, that(s tough,) the eagull(s wi"e said# '0ou(ll ha$e to "ind another
way ba!k to your world#)
'3ut !an(t I 6ust go ba!k the way I !ame5)
'2o# ,n!e you($e !ome, there(s no going ba!k,) the eagull(s wi"e said,
shaking her beak "rom le"t to right# 'I !an take you to a pla!e on my
ba!k, though, where you !an get rid o" this !urse#)
'That would make me aw"ully happy#)
'3ut you look pretty hea$y,) the eagull(s wi"e said, dubiously#
'I(m not hea$y at all# I(m barely I. pounds,) the heep Man said,
!heating by about >/ pounds#
'All right# ?et(s make a deal,) the eagull(s wi"e said# '0ou !lean this
room, and I(ll take you to the pla!e where you !an break your !urse#)
'+one#)
3ut the eagull(s wi"e(s house took %uite a long time to !lean# It hadn(t
been !leaned in literally months# He s!rubbed the plates and tea !ups,
!aked with "ilthB wiped down the table9topB $a!uumed the "loorB
polished the tilesB and pi!ked up all the trash and threw it out# When
he was "inished with all o" this, the heep Man was e1hausted#
'I ha$e this blasted !urse to thank "or all this misery,) he !omplained
silently to himsel"#
'It looks pretty good,) the eagull(s wi"e said, looking satis"ied# 'A
home should always be this neat#)
'o now you(ll take me to the pla!e where the !urse !an broken5)
'0eah, I(ll keep my promise# Here, !limb on my ba!k#)
,n!e the heep Man had gotten on, the eagull(s wi"e %ui!kly took o""
into the sky# in!e this was the "irst time the heep Man had e$er
"lown anywhere, he gripped her ne!k $ery tightly#
'Hey4 0ou(re hurting me# +on(t pull so hard# I !an(t breathe,) the
eagull(s wi"e growled#
',h, I(m really sorry,) the heep Man said sheepishly#
<rom the air, the sea and the "orest and the hill were all $isible# The
green o" the "orest and the dark blue o" the sea stret!hed out
endlessly, with the sandy, white bea!h like a belt between them# It was
an in!redibly beauti"ul $iew#
'It(s really beauti"ul, isn(t it,) the heep Man said#
'Maybe to you, but I see it e$eryday, and I(m si!k o" it,) the eagull(s
wi"e replied with e$ident boredom#
In order to stret!h her wings a little, she "lew around and around in
!ir!les o$er her house, and then set down on a prairie not e$en a
hundred yards away#
'What(s wrong, ma(am5 Aren(t you "eeling well5) the heep Man asked
with !on!ern#
'2o, I "eel "ine,) the eagull(s wi"e said shaking her head# 'Why would
you ask su!h a stupid %uestion5 I(m "amous in these parts "or my
$igour#)
'3ut why did you set down here, then5)
'3e!ause this is the pla!e,) the eagull(s wi"e said#
'3ut this !an(t be more than a hundred yards "rom your house,) said
the heep Man with surprise# 'I" it(s this !lose, there was no point in
riding on your ba!k# I !ould 6ust as easily ha$e walked#)
'3ut then you wouldn(t ha$e !leaned my house "or me, would you5)
'Well, no, I guess not, but###)
'Well then, I don(t want to hear another word about the distan!e# I
took you on my ba!k 6ust like I promised#)
'Umm, yes###!ertainly,) the heep Man said, un!on$in!ed#
The eagull(s wi"e, still laughing heartily to hersel", took o"" into the air
and "lew ba!k in the dire!tion o" her house#
When the heep Man looked around him, he saw a large tree standing
in the middle o" the prairie# There was a rope ladder atta!hed to the
trunk o" the tree# in!e there was nothing else in sight, the heep Man
de!ided to try to !limb to the top o" the ladder#
The rope ladder swung ba!k and "orth, making it di""i!ult to !limb#
weating hea$ily, the heep Man !limbed all the way to the top, A/ or
@/ rungs when, "rom the midst o" the limbs, he heard a bright $oi!e
say;
'Hey there, what are you doing up here5)
',h, e1!use me# I($e !ome on a!!ount o" a !urse# 0ou !an(t help me
by any !han!e, !an you5) the heep Man replied in the dire!tion o" the
$oi!e#
'A !urse, you say5 Ah, I see# 3y all means, !ome on up,) the $oi!e
said#
The heep Man, doing his best to keep "rom slipping, elbowed his way
through the bran!hes# ,n!e inside, he saw a hole in the tree that had
been "ashioned into a small !abin, and in "ront o" the !abin, the Twist
s%uatted, sha$ing himsel" with a giant ra&or#
'3aa###baa###ba,) the heep Man stammered# Weren(t you 6ust at the
bottom o" the hole5)
'Ha, ha# 2o, that wasn(t me,) the Twist said with a laugh# 'That(s my
big brother# ee, I twist to the right# 3ig 3rother twists to the le"t# He
!ries easily and is always saying mean things about people#)
Right Twist, with his eyes turned to the right and his !hin pointing le"t,
was !are"ully sha$ing with the ra&or and giggling all the while#
'<rom the same "amily, but your personalities !ouldn(t be more
di""erent,) the heep Man said, impressed#
'Well, you know, right and le"t are opposites,) Right Twist said, sha$ing
behind his ears# 'Ha ha ha ha ha#)
'2ow, about this !urse###) the heep Man began#
'+on(t tell me anything about it, hee hee hee,) Right Twist said# 'That(s
worse than being !ursed, ha ha ha ha ha#)
The heep Man des!ended, "urious#
'I really hate this pla!e,) he said# 'Right Twist or ?e"t Twist, they(re
twisted 6ust the same# And that eagull(s wi"e was so sel"ish#)
Thinking that he !ouldn(t take mu!h more, the heep Man trudged
slowly down the road# A"ter walking a little while longer, he spied a
beauti"ul spring, and de!ided to stop there and drink some water and
eat another donut# When he had "inished the donut he began to grow
sleepy, and stret!hing out on the grass beside the spring, had a ni!e
nap#
When he awoke, it had grown dark and stars shone whitely in the sky#
The wind rose with a groaning $oi!e, and sometimes it was mi1ed with
the baying o" a wol"#
'I(m e1hausted# And on top o" that, I(m lost in a strange land# And I
still ha$en(t e$en broken this !on"ounded !urse,) the heep Man said
to himsel"#
'Umm, I !ouldn(t help o$er9hearing you# 3eing !ursed must be a great
annoyan!e,) a timid $oi!e suddenly !ame out o" the darkness#
'Who(s there5 Where in the world are you5) the heep Man asked,
surprised#
'Uhh, I(m nobody, really,) the $oi!e said, sounding embarrassed#
The heep Man looked around "ranti!ally, but he !ouldn(t see anything
"or the darkness#
'*lease don(t bother looking "or me# I(m not worth the time#)
'Will you !ome out and eat donuts with me5) the heep Man tried to
tempt him# 'It(s lonely sitting here by mysel"#)
'I(m not really worthy o" your donuts,) the in$isible 2obody said#
'Although that does sound aw"ully ni!e#)
'It(s ,K# I ha$e lots# 3ut i" you(re shy, I !an lea$e one here "or you and
then turn around, and then you !an !ome here and eat it# How about
that5)
',K,) nobody said# '3ut I(m really small, so a hal" will be plenty#)
The heep Man put a donut on the grass and turned around# 3e"ore
long, there was the sound o" someone approa!hing stealthily and then
eating a donut#
',h, this is deli!ious# Really deli!ious,) 2obody said# '+on(t turn
around#)
'I won(t turn around, but will you please tell me what you know about
this !urse5) the heep Man en%uired#
',h yes, the !urse# ,h, I see# Mun!h mun!h# 0es I know something
about it,) 2obody said# 'Really deli!ious# Mun!h mun!h#)
'Where !an I go to get rid o" it5) the heep Man asked#
'7ust di$e into that spring# Mun!h mun!h# It(s really easy,) 2obody
said#
'3ut I don(t know how to swim#)
'0ou don(t need to worry about whether you know how to swim# It(s
,K# These are great# Mun!h mun!h mun!h#)
With great trepidation, the heep Man walked to the edge o" the
spring and 6umped into the middle, head "irst# As soon as he do$e,
howe$er, all o" the water $anished, so he landed on his head on the
bottom o" the hole with a hea$y thud# His head swam#
',h dear4 I(m sorry,) someone said# 'I didn(t mean "or you to di$e in
head "irst#)
When the heep Man opened his eyes, there stood be"ore him a little
old man about "i$e "eet tall#
'Ah4 That hurt,) the heep Man said# 'And 6ust who the he!k are you5)
'I am the Most Holy heep aint,) the old man said with a kindly
smile#
'0ou4 Why did you put this !urse on me5 Why did I ha$e to do all that
aw"ul stu""5 I ne$er did anything bad to anybody, and yet I ha$e to put
up with all o" this4 I mean, really4 My body is sore all o$er and look,
I($e got this welt on my head,) the heep Man said, showing the Most
Holy heep aint his welt#
'0es, I agree# It was terrible# Terrible, indeed# 3ut "or this I had my
reasons,) the heep aint said#
'Well, I(d really like to hear them,) the heep Man said angrily#
'Anon, anon,) the heep aint said# '3ut "irst !ome o$er here# There(s
something I(d like to show you#)
The heep aint turned and walked briskly toward the interior o" the
hole# The heep Man, still shaking his head, "ollowed hesitantly a"ter
him# 3e"ore long, the heep aint !ame to stand in "ront o" a door, and
promptly opened it#
'Merry Christmas4) e$eryone shouted# 8$erybody was in the room;
Right Twist and ?e"t Twist, -/G and -/H, the eagull(s wi"e, and e$en
2obody# 2obody still had !rumbs "rom the donut around his mouth# He
!ould also see a "igure that looked like the heep *ro"essor#
Inside the room, there was a large de!orated Christmas tree#
Underneath the tree, wrapped presents tied up with ribbons had been
piled#
'What in the world is this5 What are all o" you doing here5) the heep
Man said, stunned#
'We(re all waiting "or you,) -/G said#
'We($e been waiting all this time,) -/H said#
'0ou($e been in$ited to a Christmas party, don(t you see,) the heep
aint said#
'3ut I($e been !ursed, so I###) stammered the heep Man#
'I put this !urse on you so that you would !ome here,) the heep aint
replied# 'This way was e1!iting, and e$eryone had "un doing it#)
'It !ertainly was "un# Caw !aw,) said the eagull(s wi"e#
'And interesting, goddammit,) added ?e"t Twist#
'A pleasure, ha ha hee hee,) giggled Right Twist#
'It was deli!ious,) mumbled 2obody#
Although the heep Man was really %uite upset about the de!eption,
he soon began to en6oy himsel"# It was hard to stay mad when
e$eryone around him was ha$ing su!h a good time#
'I" that was the reason, I guess it(s ,K then,) the heep Man said,
nodding agreeably#
'Mr# heep Man, you ought to play the piano "or us,) -/G said#
'0ou must be $ery good,) -/H said#
'Is there a piano here5) asked the heep Man#
'There is, there is,) the heep aint said, pulling aside a giant !loth#
3eneath this !o$er was a white, sheep9shaped piano#
'This piano was made espe!ially "or you# *lay it to your heart(s
!ontent#)
That night, the heep Man was boundlessly happy# The sheep piano
made a splendid sound, and beauti"ul and delight"ul melodies dan!ed
through his head, one a"ter another#
Right Twist and ?e"t Twist sang, -/G and -/H dan!ed, the eagull(s
wi"e "lew around the room !awing, and the heep *ro"essor and the
Most Holy heep aint "a!ed o"" in a beer9drinking !ontest# 2obody
rolled o$er and o$er on the ground looking happy# oon, Christmas
!ake was distributed to e$eryone#
'Mmm###deli!ious# Mun!h mun!h,) 2obody said, helping himsel" to a
third pie!e#
'May there be pea!e and happiness in the sheep man world "ore$er,)
the heep aint prayed#
When the heep Man awoke, he "ound himsel" in his own room, in his
own bed# Although it seemed as i" he was waking up "rom a dream, he
knew this was no mere dream# There was still a $ery distin!t bump on
his head, there was a grease stain on the ba!k o" his sheep(s !lothing,
and the ramsha!kle old piano had disappeared "rom his room, and in
it(s pla!e stood the white sheep piano#
This is really what happened when he woke up#
,utside the window, snow had "allen# ,n the bran!hes o" the trees, on
the mail bo1es, and on the "en!e posts, white snow was piled high#
In the a"ternoon o" that day, the heep Man went into the suburbs o"
the town to pay a $isit to the heep *ro"essor, but the heep
*ro"essor(s house wasn(t there# There was nothing but a $a!ant lot#
The sheep9shaped shrubs and gateposts and pa$ing stones had all
disappeared#
'I won(t be able to meet any o" those people e$er again,) the heep
Man thought to himsel"# 'The Twists, and the -/G and -/H twins, and
the eagull(s wi"e, and 2obody, and the heep *ro"essor and the
heep aint#) ,$er!ome with these thoughts, tears streamed "rom his
eyes# He had really grown to like them all a lot#
When he returned to the boardinghouse, a Christmas !ard with a
pi!ture o" a sheep on it had !ome in the mail# Inside was printed;
May there be pea!e and happiness in the sheep man world "ore$er###