Parshat Mattos

One of the hardest tasks of a

leader from prime
ministers to parents is
conflict resolution. Yet it is
also the most vital. Where
there is leadership, there is
long-term cohesiveness
within the group, whatever
the short-term problems.
Where there is a lack of
leadership where leaders
lack authority, grace,
generosity of spirit and the
ability to respect positions
other than their own then
there is divisiveness, rancor,
back-biting, resentment,
internal politics and a lack of
trust. Leaders are people
who put the interests of the
group above those of any
subsection of the group.
They care for, and inspire
others to care for, the
common good.

That is why an episode in
this weeks parsha is of the
highest consequence. It
arose like this. The Israelites
were on the last stage of
their journey to the Promised
Land. They were now
situated on the east bank of
the Jordan, within sight of
their destination. Two of the
tribes, Reuben and Gad, who
had large herds and flocks of
cattle, felt that the land they
were currently on was ideal
for their purposes. It was
good grazing country. So
they approached Moses and
asked for permission to stay
there rather than take up
their share in the land of
Israel. They said: If we
have found favor in your
eyes, let this land be given
to your servants as our possession.
Do not make us cross the
Jordan (Num. 32: 5).

Moses was instantly alert to the
danger. The two tribes were putting
their own interests above those of
the nation as a whole. They would
be seen as abandoning the nation
at the very time they were needed
most. There was a war in fact a
series of wars to be fought if the
Israelites were to inherit the
Promised Land. As Moses put it to
the tribes: Should your fellow
Israelites go to war while you sit
here? Why do you discourage the
Israelites from crossing over into
the land the Lord has given
them? (32: 6-7).

The proposal was potentially
disastrous. Moses reminded the
men of Reuben and Gad what had
happened in the incident of the
spies. The spies demoralized the
people, ten of them saying that
they could not conquer the land.
The inhabitants were too strong.
The cities were impregnable. The
result of that one moment was to
condemn an entire generation to
die in the wilderness and to delay
the eventual conquest by forty
years. And here you are, a brood
of sinners, standing in the place of
your fathers and making the Lord
even more angry with Israel. If you
turn away from following him, he
will again leave all this people in
the wilderness, and you will be the
cause of their destruction (Num.
32: 14-15). Moses was blunt,
honest and confrontational.

What then followed is a role model
in negotiation and conflict
resolution. The Reubenites and
Gadites recognized the claims of
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks on Parshat Mattos
the people as a whole and the
justice of Moses concerns. They
propose a compromise. Let us
make provisions for our cattle
and our families, they say, and
the men will then accompany
the other tribes across the
Jordan. They will fight alongside
them. They will even go ahead
of them. They will not return to
their cattle and families until all
the battles have been fought,
the land has been conquered,
and the other tribes have
received their inheritance.
Essentially they invoke what
would later become a principle
of Jewish law: zeh neheneh ve-
zeh lo chaser, meaning, an act
is permissible if one side gains
and the other side does not
lose. We will gain, say the two
tribes, by having land good for
our cattle, but the nation as a
whole will not lose because we
will be in the army, we will be
in the front line, and we will
stay there until the war has
been won.

Moses recognizes the fact that
they have met his objections.
He restates their position to
make sure he and they have
understood the proposal and
they are ready to stand by it.
He extracts from them
agreement to a tenai kaful, a
double condition, both positive
and negative: If we do this,
these will be the consequences,
but if we fail to do this, those
will be the consequences. He
leaves them no escape from
their commitment. The two
tribes agree. Conflict has been
averted. The Reubenites and
Gadites achieve what they want
but the interests of the other
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tribes and of the nation as a whole have been secured. It was a
model negotiation.

Quite how justified were Moses concerns became apparent many
years later. The Reubenites and Gadites did indeed fulfill their
promise in the days of Joshua. The rest of the tribes conquered and
settled Israel while they (together with half the tribe of Manasseh)
established their presence in Trans-Jordan. Despite this, within a
brief space of time there was almost civil war.

Joshua Chapter 22 describes how, returning to their families and
settling their land, the Reubenites and Gadites built an altar to the
Lord on the east side of the Jordan. Seeing this as an act of
secession, the rest of the Israelites prepared to do battle against
them. Joshua, in a striking act of diplomacy, sent Pinchas, the
former zealot, now man of peace, to negotiate. He warned them of
the terrible consequences of what they had done by, in effect,
creating a religious center outside the land of Israel. It would split
the nation in two.

The Reubenites and Gadites made it clear that this was not their
intention at all. To the contrary, they themselves were worried that
in the future, the rest of the Israelites would see them living across
the Jordan and conclude that they no longer wanted to be part of
the nation. That is why they had built the altar, not to offer
sacrifices, not as a rival to the nations sanctuary, but merely as a
symbol and a sign to future generations that they too were
Israelites. Pinchas and the rest of the delegation were satisfied with
this answer, and once again civil war was averted.

The negotiation between Moses and the two tribes in our parsha
follows closely the principles arrived at by the Harvard Negotiation
Project, set out by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their classic text,
Getting to Yes. Essentially they came to the conclusion that a
successful negotiation must involve four processes:

Separate the people from the problem. There are all sorts of
personal tensions in any negotiation. It is essential that these be
cleared away first so that the problem can be addressed objectively.

Focus on interests, not positions. It is easy for any conflict to turn
into a zero-sum game: if I win, you lose. If you win, I lose. That is
what happens when you focus on positions and the question
becomes, Who wins? By focusing not on positions but on interests,
the question becomes, Is there a way of achieving what each of us
wants?

Invent options for mutual gain. This is the idea expressed
halakhically as zeh neheneh ve-zeh neheneh, Both sides benefit.
This comes about because the two sides usually have different
objectives, neither of which excludes the other.

Insist on objective criteria. Make sure that both sides agree in
advance to the use of objective, impartial criteria to judge whether
what has been agreed has been achieved. Otherwise, despite all
26 Old Mill Road, Great Neck, NY 11023 (516) 487-6100 Shabbat Announcements Parshat Mattos 5774
apparent agreement the dispute will continue, both sides insisting
that the other has not done what was promised.

Moses does all four. First he separates the people from the
problem by making it clear to the Reubenites and Gadites that
the issue has nothing to do with who they are, and everything to
do with the Israelites experience in the past, specifically the
episode of the spies. Regardless of who the ten negative spies
were and which tribes they came from, everyone suffered. No
one gained. The problem is not about this tribe or that but about
the nation as a whole.

Second, he focused on interests not positions. The two tribes had
an interest in the fate of the nation as a whole. If they put their
personal interests first, God would become angry and the entire
people would be punished, the Reubenites and Gadites among
them. It is striking how different this negotiation was from that of
Korach and his followers. There, the whole argument was about
positions, not interests about who was entitled to be a leader.
The result was collective tragedy.

Third, the Reubenites and Gadites then invented an option for
mutual gain. If you allow us to make temporary provisions for our
cattle and children, they said, we will not only fight in the army.
We will be its advance guard. We will benefit, knowing that our
request has been granted. The nation will benefit by our
willingness to take on the most demanding military task.

Fourth, there was an agreement on objective criteria. The
Reubenites and Gadites would not return to the east bank of the
Jordan until all the other tribes were safely settled in their
territories. And so it happened, as narrated in the book of
Joshua:

Then Joshua summoned the Reubenites, the Gadites and the
half-tribe of Manasseh and said to them, You have done all that
Moses the servant of the Lord commanded, and you have obeyed
me in everything I commanded. For a long time nowto this very
dayyou have not deserted your fellow Israelites but have
carried out the mission the Lord your God gave you. Now that the
Lord your God has given them rest as he promised, return to
your homes in the land that Moses the servant of the Lord gave
you on the other side of the Jordan. (Joshua 22: 1-4)

This was, in short, a model negotiation, a sign of hope after the
many destructive conflicts in the book of Bamidbar, as well as a
standing alternative to the many later conflicts in Jewish history
that had such appalling outcomes.

Note that Moses succeeds, not because he is weak, not because
he is willing to compromise on the integrity of the nation as a
whole, not because he uses honeyed words and diplomatic
evasions, but because he is honest, principled, and focused on
the common good. We all face conflicts in our lives. This is how to
resolve them.
Great Neck Synagogue
Shabbat Activities Program
26 Old Mill Road, Great Neck , NY 11023
Dale Polakoff, Rabbi
Ian Lichter, Assistant Rabbi
Dr. Ephraim Wolf ,zl, Rabbi Emeritus
Zeev Kron, Cantor
Eleazer Schulman, zl, Cantor Emeritus
Rabbi Sholom Jensen, Youth Director
Zehava & Dr. Michael Atlas, Youth Directors
Mark Twersky, Executive Director
Rabbi Avraham Bronstein, Program Director
Dr. Hal Chadow, President
Harold Domnitch, Chairman of the Board
Dena Block, Yoetzet Halacha 516-320-9818
GNS Yoetzet Halacha Dena Block welcomes your
questions about mikvah, observance of taharat
hamishpacha (halacha relating to married life) and
women's health, as it connects to Jewish law.
Reach out to her at:
Phone: (516) 320-9818Email: gnsyoetzet@gmail.com
All conversations/emails are strictly confidential
THE LAWS OF THE THREE WEEKS

Beginning with the 17
th
of Tammuz and continuing through the 9
th
of Av is the period in the Jewish
calendar known as The Three Weeks.
These weeks correspond to the time when the walls of the city of Jerusalem were first breached until
the burning and final destruction of the Temple. Accordingly, we relive this historical experience by
adopting certain symbolic behavior commonplace to a state of mourning. As we approach that final
destruction our symbolic mourning grows more pronounced. It is most intense on the day of Tisha
Bav itself.
Jewish Law and tradition have established a pattern of behavior for this period of the year. This
pattern of behavior clearly parallels behavior during the period of mourning following the loss of a
family member. The motivating idea behind this is that our emotions are often controlled by the things
that we do and ultimately bring about a sense of mourning and loss. The extent to which we are able
to follow these patterns of behavior will determine the extent to which we will experience the
destruction of our Temple.
Because of the historical implications of this time of year marriages are forbidden during the Three
Week period. It seems that the prohibition stems not from the change in personal status, but rather
from the celebration which is an intrinsic part of the marriage. Therefore celebratory parties would
also be inappropriate during the three weeks. There are several different customs concerning listening
to music during the three weeks. Although there is no prohibition to be found in the Shulchan Aruch,
this is because music in general was frowned upon after the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash. Its
prohibition during the three weeks might be seen as either an intrinsic part of our mourning for the
Beit HaMikdash, or as an extension of the prohibition of celebratory events. Many permit music for a
functional purpose, such as exercise or staying awake while driving (a good nights sleep is also
recommended). Wearing of new garments which would require the blessing of shehecheyanu is
avoided during the three weeks (buying them is permitted). This is because that blessing allowed us
to reach this time, a blessing inappropriate for this time of national calamity. New fruits
and the like whose eating would also require the blessing of shehecheyanu, are not eaten
until Shabbat when a shehecheyanu may be recited. New clothing purchased during the week
may also be worn on Shabbat. In keeping with the customs of mourning, hair cutting is
avoided during the three weeks, and there are many who refrain from shaving as well.

Rosh Chodesh Av ushers in the period known as the nine days. Following the dictate of the
Talmud which specifies that rejoicing is suspended when the month of Av begins, the eating
of meat and drinking of wine are avoided during this time. In Jewish tradition meat and
wine have always been associated with celebrations and therefore, with the exception of
Shabbat or a festive meal associated with a mitzvah (Brit Milah, siyum, etc.), these foods are
now avoided. Additionally the avoidance of meat and wine bring to mind the sacrifices which
were ended with the destruction of the Temple. Of course, meat and wine are permitted on
Shabbat. This applies even to kiddush being made when Shabbat is accepted early, and to
havdala at the end of Shabbat. The custom is to either give the wine from havdala to a child
who is not yet old enough to appreciate mourning, but old enough to require a bracha on the
wine, or to use grape juice. The Shulchan Aruch records that bathing is prohibited during
the nine days. Since this refers to a time when bathing was done at a bath house and took on
certain elements of a social event, modern authorities permit washing for purposes of
cleanliness. Showers during this time period should be shorter and cooler than usual. There
are many people who avoid the pleasure of swimming during these nine days unless it is
done for medical reasons or in order to remove perspiration or dirt. Freshly laundered
garments should not be worn during the nine days.
In keeping with the theme of increased mourning, the Shulchan Aruch prohibits building
and planting for pleasure. This is understood today to refer to decorating (painting,
wallpapering, etc.) and landscaping. Necessary house repairs and lawn maintenance are
permitted.

ANNOUNCEMENTS





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H
R
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Saturday, 21 Tammuz
Steven Blumner for Lillian Blumner
Marc Gottlieb for Fanny Gottlieb
Stuart Grant for Ada Auerbach
Richard Lillien for Llewellyn Lillien
Gloria Wang Miller for Fay Saltzman
Ira Rosenberg for Gloria Rosenberg
Devorah Wang for Fay Saltzamn
Sunday, 22 Tammuz
Arlette Shaya for Vita Dayan
Monday, 23 Tammuz
Lorraine Domnitch for Rosalind Mordkofsky
Janet Greenhut for Kenneth Greenhut
Pauline Levy for Carrie Joseph
Tuesday, 24 Tammuz
Norman Rutta for Abraham Rutta
Sharon Twersky for Hannah Leff
Wednesday, 25 Tammuz
Steven Blumner for Malka Bat Yehiel
Aaron J. Eliach for Meyer Eliach
Marc Gottlieb for Shlomo Schwartzman
Marc Gottlieb for Rachel Gottlieb
Thursday 26 Tammuz
Amy Goldberg-Reiss for Florence Reifle
Janet Kashani for Abraham Ben Elyahoo
Robert Mendelson for Walter Mendelson
Friday, 27 Tammuz
Eliot Heisler for Sharon Heisler
Deborah Hollander for Sharon Heisler
Leo R. Mindick for Joseph Mindick
Leo R. Mindick for Shimshon Mindick
Joseph Sokol for Sharon Sokol Heisler
Mr. & Mrs. Martin H. Sokol for Sharon Heisler
WITHIN OUR FAMILY
MENS CLUB
SUN. JULY 20:The bus trip to the Jewish Museum has
been CANCELED.

SUN. AUG 17, 1:10 pm: Baseball: Jewish Heritage
Day at Citifield. Mets vs Cubs. Details to follow.
SUN. SEPT 14 10:00am: A breakfast and talk by
Barry Libin, writer, composer, playwright and lyricist,
on his new book, "The Mystery of the Milton Manu-
script", with commentary by Larry Shiffman, who will
also interview the author. Copies of the book will be
available. All welcome.
Mazal Tov to Karen Spitalnick on being
elected as the National President of Emunah.
Mazal Tov to Rabbi Dr. Stuart & Linda
Grant on the birth of a granddaughter, born
to their children Deena & Chaim Davis, in
Boca Raton, Florida.
Mazal Tov to Evelyn Henis on her grand-
daughter Gabrielle Henis acceptance to
Adelphi University School of Nursing and
Public Health.
REFUAH SHLEIMA IN OUR COMMUNITY
In an effort to allow the community to reach out to our
members who have had any medical issues that have
precluded their coming to GNS, we will include a cor-
ner in the Shabbat Announcements for any names to
be distributed to the congregation. Of course, those
who wish to keep any news confidential can continue to
do so, without being included. Please inform us of any-
one who should be included in this section of the an-
nouncements. This section in our newsletter is to let
people know that we are thinking of them even if they
cannot be in Shul at this time and to encourage people
to call, email or visit when appropriate. Names for a
mishabayrach should continue to be given in Shul at
time of davening and will not be listed in this section.
COMMUNITY NEWS
SISTERHOOD
The Sisterhood will be having a Krav Maga class on
Tuesday, July 29th at 7pm. Class is limited to the
first 20 participants. Please RSVP to the shul office with
a $12 check to insure your spot. At the door the cost
will be $15.
SAVE THE DATE
Sunday Morning, September 21st will be the date to
pack and deliver food for Rosh HaShana for PASS IT
FORWARD for those in need! A Mitzvah Opportunity!
JUNE CHESED COLLECTION THANK YOU
We thank Steve Blumner and Jonny Ambalo for all
your time and efforts to coordinate the GNS Chesed
collection of shoes, eyeglasses and cell phones! Thank
you to everyone who took the time to donate to make it
a success!
AUGUST CHESED
To chair the August Chesed Drive: School Supplies,
please contact Sharon Goldwyn or Mark Twersky.
SUMMER LEARNING PROGRAM
Tuesday, July 22, after Mincha, Rabbi Baruch
Simon will be our next featured speaker during our
Summer Learning Program.