H APPINESS PONY.

C OM
Jonah 1

One day long ago, GOD s Word came

to Jonah, Amittais son: Up on your
feet and on your way to the big city
of Nineveh! Preach to them. Theyre
in a bad way and I cant ignore it any
longer.
But Jonah got up and went the
other direction to Tarshish, running
away from GOD . He went down to
the port of Joppa and found a ship
headed for Tarshish. He paid the fare
and went on board, joining those going to Tarshishas far away from
GOD as he could get.
But GOD sent a huge storm at sea,
the waves towering.
The ship was about to break into
pieces. The sailors were terrified.
They called out in desperation to
their gods. They threw everything
they were carrying overboard to
lighten the ship. Meanwhile, Jonah
had gone down into the hold of the
ship to take a nap. He was sound
asleep. The captain came to him and
said, Whats this? Sleeping! Get up!
Pray to your god! Maybe your god
will see were in trouble and rescue
us.
Then the sailors said to one another, Lets get to the bottom of this.
Lets draw straws to identify the culprit on this ship whos responsible for
this disaster.
So they drew straws. Jonah got the
short straw.
Then they grilled him: Confess.
Why this disaster? What is your
work? Where do you come from?
What country? What family?
He told them, Im a Hebrew. I
worship GOD , the GOD of heaven
who made sea and land.
At that, the men were frightened,
really frightened, and said, What on
earth have you done! As Jonah
talked, the sailors realized that he
was running away from GOD .
They said to him, What are we
going to do with youto get rid of
this storm? By this time the sea was
wild, totally out of control.
Jonah said, Throw me overboard,
into the sea. Then the storm will
stop. Its all my fault. Im the cause of
the storm. Get rid of me and youll
get rid of the storm.
But no. The men tried rowing back
to shore. They made no headway.
The storm only got worse and worse,
wild and raging.
Then they prayed to GOD , O
GOD ! Dont let us drown because of
this mans life, and dont blame us for
his death. You are GOD . Do what you
think is best.
They took Jonah and threw him
overboard. Immediately the sea was
quieted down.
The sailors were impressed, no
longer terrified by the sea, but in awe
of GOD . They worshiped GOD ,
offered a sacrifice, and made vows.
Then GOD assigned a huge fish to
swallow Jonah. Jonah was in the fishs
belly three days and nights.
Scripture taken from The Message.
Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996,
2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission ofNavPress Publishing Group.

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THURSDAY, JULY 31, 2014.

Those Tweets Between God and

Jonah Relating to the Events of the
Book of Jonah, Chapter One

A GIFT.

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Noach
It was a floating box.
Like a lifeboat filled with rocks.
Noah coughed up blood.
Rodents scurried. Dumb beasts
lowed.
Like a coffin. Putrid socks.
Rebel beasts in hold below.
Lazy beauties missed the boat.
Squeaky pesties. Swish-tailed ox.
Water high and corpses low.
No one speaks till Noah talks.
A shudder, then a founder.
Triple-decker on the rocks.
(Zackary Sholem Berger)

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Jonah 2

Now the Lord prepared a great fish

to swallow up Jonas: and Jonas was in
the belly of the fish three days and
three nights. And Jonas prayed to the
Lord his God out of the belly of the
fish. And he said:

(Lily Brown and Kayti Burt)

Top 6 Things That Happened to

Jonah That the Bible Left Out

Even heathens know Jonah got swallowed by a whale. Old Hebrew

books of biblical commentary like the Zohar and the Pirke de-Rabbi
Eliezer tell us much more.
1. The whale was waiting for Jonah since the Six Days of Creation.
2. The whale had transparent eyes and a huge glowing pearl inside it.
3. The whale took Jonah to a sea monster called the Leviathan. The
Leviathan prepared to eat them both, but Jonah scared the Leviathan off by saying, This was all a ruse to track you down. Now I know
where you live and will sacrifice you at the End of Days.
4. In gratitude, the whale gave Jonah a tour of the Seven Wonders of
the Underworld, including the path the Israelites took crossing the
Sea of Reeds, the Great River of Oceanus, the place waves start,
Sheol (neutral hell), Gehenna (bad hell), the foundation pillars of
the Earth, and the Foundation Stone of the World.
5. Since they were having too much fun, God sent a pregnant whale
who demanded the male whale give her Jonah. Stuck in the
crowded belly of the pregnant whale, Jonah finally repented.
6. The whale spit Jonah onto dry land3,609 miles away. (Jen Burt)

I cried out ofmy affliction to the

Lord, and he heard me: I cried out of
the belly ofhell, and thou hast heard
my voice.
And thou hast cast me forth into
the deep in the heart ofthe sea, and a
flood hath compassed me: all thy billows, and thy waves have passed over
me.
And I said: I am cast away out of
the sight ofthy eyes: but yet I shall
see thy holy temple again.
The waters compassed me about
even to the soul: the deep hath closed
me round about, the sea hath covered
my head.
I went down to the lowest parts of
the mountains: the bars ofthe earth
have shut me up for ever: and thou
wilt bring up my life from corruption, O Lord my God.
When my soul was in distress
within me, I remembered the Lord:
that my prayer may come to thee, unto thy holy temple.
They that are vain observe vanities, forsake their own mercy.
But I with the voice ofpraise will
sacrifice to thee: I will pay whatsoever I have vowed for my salvation to
the Lord.

And the Lord spoke to the fish:

and it vomited out Jonas upon the
dry land.

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Jonah 3

And the word of the LORD came unto

Jonah the second time, saying,

Arise, go unto Nineveh, that great

city, and preach unto it the preaching
that I bid thee.

So Jonah arose, and went unto

Nineveh, according to the word of
the LORD . Now Nineveh was an
exceeding great city of three days
journey.
And Jonah began to enter into the
city a days journey, and he cried, and
said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh
shall be overthrown.

So the people of Nineveh believed

God, and proclaimed a fast, and put
on sackcloth, from the greatest of
them even to the least of them.
For word came unto the king of
Nineveh, and he arose from his
throne, and he laid his robe from
him, and covered him with sackcloth,
and sat in ashes.
And he caused it to be proclaimed
and published through Nineveh by
the decree of the king and his nobles,
saying, Let neither man nor beast,
herd nor flock, taste any thing: let
them not feed, nor drink water:
But let man and beast be covered
with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto
God: yea, let them turn every one
from his evil way, and from the
violence that is in their hands.
Who can tell ifGod will turn and
repent, and turn away from his fierce
anger, that we perish not?

And God saw their works, that

they turned from their evil way; and
God repented of the evil, that he had
said that he would do unto them; and
he did it not.

Ninevah Is Really, Really Sorry

The conversion of the city of Ninevah, population 120,000, is the funniest miracle of Jonahs life. There are plenty of stories, ancient and
modern, of people being swallowed by giant fish and living to tell the
tale. But there arent too many about angry people resentfully making
a half-hearted effort to save tens of thousands of people theyd honestly rather see dead, then succeeding beyond all expectations.
Jonah thinks the Ninevites are foreign scum and would much
rather abandon his family, religious community, and entire country
rather than taking a chance on saving them from divine wrath by
warning them to repent. But after that whole business with the whale,
Jonah is humble enough to at least go through the motions. His message goes viral. Everyone he meets repents, fasts, and puts on sackcloth. Hes only a third of the way across the city when the king hears
Jonahs message secondhand. The king immediately abandons his
throne, casts aside his robe, wraps himself in sackcloth, sits in a pile of
ashes, and makes this repentance official Ninevah-wide policy.
Nobody, human or animal, is to eat or drink anything. Everyone, human and animal, is to wear sackcloth, cry out to God, mend their evil
ways, and give up on violence.
By this bold, over-the-top move, the Ninevites save their city from
Gods destruction. But to Jonah, their survival is anything but a happy
ending. (Mike Benedetti)

So Angry He Could Die

Seven Hills
Community
Midwifery

Its not unusual for someone to be angry with God when something
bad happens. But Jonah is angryangry enough to die, as he reminds
God more than oncebecause God spared Nineveh.
Jonah, of course, was Gods instrument in this, but he takes no
credit, no joy, in this great act. This used to mystify me.
A year ago, a group of which I was a part accomplished something
nearly impossible, through the grace of God. And instead of feeling
happy I felt profoundly empty.
Before Ninevehs salvation, Jonah had purpose in his life: first in
opposing Gods will, then in traveling hundreds of miles to Nineveh
and proclaiming Gods word. He had a focus.
And thennothing. Without a crisis, without a misbehaving populace or cruel ruler, where is a prophet?
Of course God can do what He likes; He can save a city or make a
plant grow to shade your head. But Jonah cannot understand why God
would want his work when He doesnt need it.
Fr. Dumitru Stniloae* said that the warm feeling you get when you
do something good is a result of speaking Gods language. Jonah is
resolute that he will not feel good. And God will not give up until
they speak the same language. (Nicole Apostola)

Jonahs Tomb Destroyed

Jonah is named as a prophet in the
Quran, and his story is briskly told in
chapter 37. The Muslim shrine to
him was located on the Nebi Yunis
mound at the site of ancient
Ninevah, near Mosul in Iraq. The
shrine, his tomb, and the mosque on
the mound were blown up July 24,
2014 by the Islamic State of Iraq and
the Levant ( ISIS ) for being unIslamic.

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Jonah 4

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly,

and he was angry.
And he prayed unto Jehovah, and
said, I pray thee, O Jehovah, was not
this my saying, when I was yet in my
country? Therefore I hasted to flee
unto Tarshish; for I knew that thou
art a gracious God, and merciful,
slow to anger, and abundant in
lovingkindness, and repentest thee of
the evil.
Therefore now, O Jehovah, take, I
beseech thee, my life from me; for it
is better for me to die than to live.
And Jehovah said, Doest thou well
to be angry?
Then Jonah went out of the city,
and sat on the east side of the city,
and there made him a booth, and sat
under it in the shade, till he might
see what would become of the city.
And Jehovah God prepared a
gourd, and made it to come up over
Jonah, that it might be a shade over
his head, to deliver him from his evil
case. So Jonah was exceeding glad
because of the gourd.
But God prepared a worm when
the morning rose the next day, and it
smote the gourd, that it withered.
And it came to pass, when the sun
arose, that God prepared a sultry east
wind; and the sun beat upon the
head of Jonah, that he fainted, and
requested for himself that he might
die, and said, It is better for me to
die than to live.
And God said to Jonah, Doest thou
well to be angry for the gourd? And
he said, I do well to be angry, even
unto death.
And Jehovah said, Thou hast had
regard for the gourd, for which thou
hast not labored, neither madest it
grow; which came up in a night, and
perished in a night: and should not I
have regard for Nineveh, that great
city, wherein are more than sixscore
thousand persons that cannot discern
between their right hand and their
left hand; and also much cattle?

THE END

* Romanian Orthodox Christian

theologian, 1903-1993.

Erika Beecher
Certified Professional Midwife
sevenhillsmidwife@gmail.com
5087353864

Jonahs book is magnificent literature

because it is so funny. Irony, even in
Jonathan Swift, could not be more
brilliant. Jonah himself is a sulking,
unwilling prophet, cowardly and
petulant. There is no reason why an
authentic prophet should be likable:
Elijah and Elisha are savage,
Jeremiah is a bipolar depressive,
Ezekiel a madman.

Harold Bloom

HAPPINESS PONY
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Masthead image of Jonah and the

fish from Histori celebriores Veteris
Testamenti Iconibus representat by
Caspar Luiken (1712). Jonah translations: The Message (Jonah 1),
Douay-Rheims 1899 American
Edition (Jonah 2), King James Version (Jonah 3), American Standard
Version 1901 (Jonah 4). Whale
illustration this page by Ray Brown
from American Merchant Ships and
Sailors (1908).
editor@happinesspony.com