"We are pleased to the voice of the parent.

If we can shape them into the

welcome Bob Boyd this make an early habit of God-loving, God-fearing
month as a new contributor
spending time talking and individuals Christ would
to The CounseL Bob is a
listening to the child, then have them be.
u ~ r e n t member and former
the lines of communication
As a retired public high
elder at Chalcedon
are open as long as the parent
Presbyterian Church. He
school principal, l'have
continues to spend the time
worked often with children
worked for thirty years in the
in communicating. Parents
whose parents met their
Fulton Co. school system in
Georgia as a high school
cannot wait until their
physical needs, but who
children are teen-agers to
teacher and principal. He
neglected their spiritual;
currently sells real estate,
begin communicating. It is
emotional and mental needs.
builds beautiful furniture,
in these early years that we
Parents had spent little time
and oversees his growing
begin to shape the attitudes,
in quality commun-ication
family." -- Chris S trevel
behavior, beliefs, and
with the child.
The Christian parent's
Consequently, problems
desire should be to
began to occur when
influence our children
the child became
in every way possible
defiant of the parents as
toward living the
he or she sought instant
Christian life with gratification in
understanding, depth,
Christian commitments of
attempting to satisfy
and commitment. The only
our children. As we read to
those unfulfilled needs. The
way to accomplish that goal
them, talk with them,
parent's response was always,
is to be able to communicate
answer their questions, and
"I have given that child
with our child or children in
ask them questions, we begin
everything he or she could
a manner consistent with the
to guide and shape their
possibly need or desire, and
love that Christ gives to us
thought patterns and
he or she does not appreciate
and we attempt to give to
responses in living the
it." It is a sad day indeed
Him.
Christian life. Children
when parents lose control of
I truly believe that
whose parents only feed,
their child or children.
communication with our
cloth, and tell them what to
Material possessions are not
children begins in the womb
do and when to do it are not
nearly as important to our
and continues throughout
going to grow up as obedient
children as the giving of
life. Even though
children desiring to please
ourselves and our time to
communication in the
the Lord or the parents. The
meet their spiritual,
beginning may seem to be in
process of communicating
emotional, and mental needs.
one direction, not many days with children takes much Being Christian ourselves but
pass before the newborn
quality time and effort
then failing in our
begins to respond and focused on the individual communications with our
attempt to communicate child. By truly children does NOT ensure a
with the parent. Reading or communicating with our Christian posterity: It
talking to the fetus in the children, we can know them
reqUires a devoted and
womb introduces the child to for who they really are and
committed effort from
AprillMay, 1998 'i' THE COUNSEL of Chalcedon 'i' 25
parents to stay in touch with good imitators! If we watch attitude or behavior. In
their children regardless of our children long enough, we seeking and receiving
the age.
ViTill see ourselves in them as answers from the child, the
In our constant
they move, talk, and e"-lJTess parent can shape those
communication with our
themselves. Many times the attitudes and cause the child
children, we convey our
things we see or hear are the to recognize the errors of his
desires, hopes, aspirations,
things we hate most in or her thinking. If the child
and expectations. My grown
ourselves. ~ e r e did they persists in the improper
children have said many
learn them? Most likely, they attitude or behavior, then the
times, "We knew what you
have picked it up from US! parent must resort to another
expected, and we wanted to
We communicate attitudes, means of communication--
please you." They knew how
. behaviors, expressions, the rod. "He who spares his
I thought and what I would
concerns, love, hate, and rod hates his son, but he who
want them to do in most
character traits of all kinds loves him disciplines him
situations. This kind of
before we know it. diligently" (Prov. 13:24).
relationship develops over Perhaps we should spend
"Foolishness is bound up in the
the years when parents and more time in listening to our
heaJ1 of a child; the md of
children are in constant children than in talking with
disdpline will remove it far
communication with one them. We must teach them
from him" (Prov.22:15). "Do
another. This is not to say to be good listeners by
not hold back discipline fmm
that they always used that listening to them. By
the child, although you beat him
knowledge as a guideline. fonning the habit of listening,
with the rod, he wilInot die.
Yes, we had our problems we can analyze thoughts,
You shall beat him with the rod,
and differences, but we
feelings, attitudes, and
and deliver his soul from Sheol"
approached them with a firm
behavior or misbehavior.
(Prov.23:13-14). "The md
\:
and committed effort to
WIth this approach, we can
and reproof give wisdom, but a
communicate with the
better understand and focus
child who gets his own way
children on their level of
our attention on the needs of
b1ings shame to his mother"
I, understanding. Underlying
our children before they
(Prov.29:15).
the dialogues that we had
become critical problems. We must base our
was the child's basic
Sometimes correcting a communication on scripture,
understanding that we
child's attitude or behavior that is, teaching our children
wanted Christian
can be done so subtly that it scriptural principles as
commitment and behavior.
is not necessary even to make guidelines for life. Prayer in
They knew the meaning of
it an issue of which the child itself can be a
"glorifying God and enjoying
is aware. If the child has communication model. As
Him forever."
responded in an improper we focus on Jesus' prayer in
Communication is more manner or displays a bad Matthew 6, we, in tum, can
than just words--its actions attitude, the parent can ask teach our children how to
as well! We teach our questions about why he or communicate by letting them
children by being the role she feels justified in his or hear us communicate with
model Christ would have us her attitude or behavior to God through prayer.
be: Children are extremely open dialogue about the Children need to feel that
26 'i' THE COUNSEL ofChalcedon 'i' April!May, 1998
prayer is a natural and
normal means of
communicating our heartfelt
concerns, fears, joys, and
. desires to our Lord Jesus
Christ. One exciting aspect
of teaching children to pray is
to show them how God
answers prayer. As parents,
we must talk with our
children about our prayer
. requests and how God has
answered those prayers. We
must always give God credit
for everything that happenS
in our lives or the life of the
family. There are times that
God brings calamity (Isa.
45:5-7) for purposes that
only He knows or chooses to
reveal to us in due time.
Children need to know,
understand, and experience
this biblical principle and see
the parents modeling a
God-honoring response.
As our children grow older
and leave home, our
communication with them
must continue in a very
open, deliberate manner.
Regular conversations with
them either in person or on
the phone are necessary. If
we discover some area that
needs special attention,
certainly we must talk with
them in person--face to face.
One can better communicate
concern, sympathY; or joy
with facial expressions, voice
inflections, and tears of joy or
sadness in a private face to
face conversation. Under no
circumstances must we pry
into their private lives unless
sin and the breaking of God's
law are a factor. We use these
opportunities to help them
think through situations or
behaviors and to exhort them
to seek Gods will through
prayer and scripture reading.
By being a model
communicator with our
children from conception to
the grave, we have the
opportunity to influence
communication with
generations to come. We
must constantly exhort our
adult children not to simply
match our efforts to
communicate, but to improve
upon them with their
children. Naturally; we want
to influence the many
generations after us with the
biblical principles of
Reformed Christian doctrine.
Only through prayer and the
constant feeding upon Gods
Word combined with our
efforts to communicate can
we have this influence. n
"We are also thankful that
Bob's'wife, Annette, agreed to
contribute for the first time to
The Counsel. Not only has she
successfully raised her three ,
children by God's grace, but
also as a middle and high
school English teacher at
Chalcedon Christian School,
she continues to mold the
next generation for lifewide
usefulness in the kingdom of
Jesus Christ." -- Chris Strevel
That Saturday morning
twenty-seven years ago began
as any other until a telephone
conversation occurred which
changed my ideas about
communication forever. I
thought I knew all about
listening and sharing; after
all, I had a degree in the
teaching of English.
However, that Saturday
morning telephone call from
a third grade teacher and
friend who had come to visit
us upon the birth of our third
child revealed my
inadequacies. The afternoon
of her visit she made no
reference to her observations
but called on the foHowing
Saturday morning to tell me
gently that I needed to learn
to listen to my son, for when
he learned that she was a
third grade teacher he
became quiet, refUSing to
converse with her. "Annette,"
this teacher said, "You must
learn to listen closely; draw
him out, and discover what is
going on in his life."
As the mother of three
April!May, 1998 'i' THE COUNSEL of Chalcedon 'i' 27