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From Dharmi’s blog:

Edur and the Soul Sucker.

The fax machine turned itself on with a soft beep. A series of faint whirling

sounds announced that there was an incoming fax. Several seconds later, a piece of paper

appeared at the out tray.

“Just in time,” Edur thought.

...

Edur raised his eyebrows. The fax had not yet appeared at his elbow.

“Lesser Being!” Edur snapped.

...

Still no fax.

“Low Income Pipsqueak!” Edur roared.

...

Still no fax.

“Where is that damn secretary?”

Edur gritted his teeth and glared at the fax machine that was standing on a

$285,000 antique side table located across that $535,000 Anatolian silk rug. The distance

of… what would it be? A Rolls-Royce Phantom and a Lamborghini Gallardo lined

bumper to bumper, Edur figured.

It was too much trouble to stand up, walk over and retrieve that fax!

Edur threw his face into a frown.

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“Why should I get it myself? It’s the work of dogs and secretaries to fetch

things!”

Edur glanced around his marble-walled office. No one was around and the heavy

double wooden doors were shut.

Was it worth it?

Edur’s mighty brain hummed into action. He didn’t look it with his football player

physique, but Edur did know mathematics. Within a few seconds he had computed that

he received $25,456,381.44 last year after taxes, including the bonuses, the clothing

allowance, the transportation allowance and other benefits he had conveniently forgot to

report to the authorities since his Turpin Tax software didn’t include a reminder.

“Let’s see. That works out to $0.80 per second of my life. It will take me 9

seconds to stand up, walk over and retrieve the fax. That’s equal to half an hour of

secretarial time since she gets paid $15 per hour. Nah, not worth it.”

But the fax had to be read. What was Edur going to do?

“Kung-fu,” Edur said and grimaced.

If he leapt out of his Pininfarina chair, somersaulted in the air and…

“That’s just going to rumple my Kiton suit. And it will still take a few seconds,”

Edur thought.

Ah! Xixin Dafa, the Soul Sucker! It is more powerful than any vacuum, for it can

extract the lifeblood from any person!

“But would it work on paper? I’ve only used it on people before…”

Edur lifted his hand and made a grasping motion. He employed the kung-fu that

The Individualist had taught…

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The paper moved, rustling as though there was a breze.

Ha! Never thought of it! Edur exulted. Next time I can use it on the money in their

pockets as well!

Edur tried harder. He applied more of his internal strength towards sucking the

paper.

With a whoosh, the paper flew out of the fax and shot straight at Edur’s hand.

Good… Edur thought.

Pow! Plakplakplak! The paper hit Edur’s hand so hard that it shattered into

confetti-sized fragments!

Edur glared at the torn paper lying all around him, then brought his enormous fist

down on his desk blotter.

BLAM!

The force of Edur’s blow caused some paper to fly up and drift gently down.

Grrrr…

There were many types of kung-fu that could destroy paper documents. There was

definitely no kung-fu on earth that could piece together a shattered document.

Edur gritted his teeth and picked up his Peter Alloison phone with 18K gold

plating, antique wood handset, amber buttons and mother-of-pearl inlay.

“Dial the Reception Desk,” Edur spoke curtly to the phone.

“Goldman Brothers Speculative Attacks Division,” came the voice at the end of

the line. “May I help you?”

“Edur here. Get me a lackey good at jigsaw puzzles.”

“Sir?”
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“You heard me! Get someone, anyone, who can put together a puzzle. In my

office, now!”