A PRISONER OF WAR

P. G. WODEHOUSE
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Mrs. Lora Delane Port er, t hat great woman, was condescending t o argue wit h Herbert Nixon, a
mere menial. The point s under discussion were t hree:
(a) Why had Herbert been absent from dut y bet ween t he hours of 3 p.m. and midnight on t he
previous day?
(b) Why had he ret urned singing?
(c) Why had he divest ed himself of his upper garment s and st ood for t went y minut es before
t he front door, daring t he Kaiser t o come out and have his head knocked off?
Those were t he main count s in Mrs. Port er's indict ment , and she urged t hem wit h t he skill of
one who for many years had been in t he forefront of America's Feminist movement . A t rained
orat or and logician, she made mincemeat of Mr. Nixon.
Herbert 's official posit ion was t hat of odd-job man t o t he house which Mrs. Port er had t aken for
t he summer in England. He had gone wit h t he place as a sort of bonus.
"You don't underst and, ma'am," he said, pit yingly. "Being a female, you wouldn't underst and. It 's
polert icks. This 'ere count ry 'as 'ad t o go t o war"
"And so you had t o go and st upefy t he few brains you possess at t he village inn? I don't see
t he connect ion."
"I can't argue wit h you, ma'am," said Mr. Nixon, pat ient ly. "My 'ead don't seem just right t his
morning. All I know is"
"All I know is t hat you can go right away now and look for anot her job."
" 'Ave it your own way, ma'am, 'ave it your own way. If you don't want me, t here's ot hers t hat 'll
be glad t o 'ave me."
"Don't let me keep you from t hem," said Mrs. Port er. "Good morning."
Herbert vanished, and Mrs. Port er, dipping her pen in t he ink, resumed t he chapt er of "Woman
in t he New Era" which his ent ry had int errupt ed.
Sybil Bannist er came int o t he room. She was small and fluffy. Mrs. Port er greet ed her wit h an
indulgent smile. Rut hless t owards t he Herbert Nixons, she unbent wit h Sybil. Sybil was her
disciple. She regarded her as a gardener regards some promising young plant .
Six mont hs before Sybil had been what Mrs. Port er called undeveloped. That is t o say, she had
been cont ent t o live a peaceful life in her New York home, worshipping her husband, Mrs.
Port er's nephew Hailey. The spect acle of a woman worshipping any man annoyed Mrs. Port er.
To see one worshipping Hailey, for whom she ent ert ained t he cont empt which only st rong-
minded aunt s can feel for t heir nephews, st irred her t o her dept hs.
Hailey, it is t rue, had not been a perfect husband. He was a rat her pompous young man,
dict at orial, and inclined t o consider t hat t he machinery of t he universe should run wit h his
personal comfort as it s guiding mot ive. But Sybil had not not iced t hese t hings t ill Mrs. Port er
point ed t hem out t o her. Unt il Mrs. Port er urged her t o assert her right s, she had not t hought
t he mat t er out sufficient ly t o underst and t hat she had any.
That det ermined woman t ook t he sit uat ion st rongly in hand. Before Hailey knew what had
st ruck him t he home was a bat t lefield, and when t he t ime arrived for Mrs. Port er t o go t o
England t hings came t o a head. She invit ed Sybil t o accompany her. Hailey forbade her t o go.
Sybil went . That is t he whole campaign in a nut shell.
"I have just dismissed Nixon," said Mrs. Port er. "I have no object ion in England going t o war, but
I will not have my odd-job man singing pat riot ic songs in t he garden at midnight ."
From t he beginning of host ilit ies Mrs. Port er's at t it ude t owards t he European War had been
clearly defined. It could cont inue, provided it did not bot her her. If it bot hered her it must st op.
Sybil looked uncomfort able.
"Aunt Lora, don't you t hinkI've been t hinkingI believe I ought t o go home."
"Ridiculous! You are perfect ly safe here."
"I wasn't t hinking so much about myself. II believe Hailey will be worried about me."
Mrs. Port er direct ed at her shrinking protegee one of t he severe st ares which had done so
much t o unman Mr. Nixon at t heir recent int erview. This was backsliding, and must be checked.
"So much t he bet t er. It is just what Hailey want st o have t o worry about somebody except
himself. The t rouble wit h Hailey has always been t hat t hings have been made t oo comfort able
for him. He has never had proper discipline. When Hailey was a child I once spanked him wit h a
clot hes-brush. The effect s, while t hey last ed, were ext remely grat ifying. Unfort unat ely,
immediat ely aft er t he incident I ceased t o be on speaking t erms wit h his fat her, so was not
able t o follow up t he good work."
Sybil shift ed uneasily. She looked mut inous.
"He's my husband," she said.
"It 's t oo lat e t o worry about t hat ."
"He is always very kind t o me."
"Nonsense child! He t reat ed you like a door-mat . When he was in a bad t emper he snarled at
you; when he was in a good t emper he pat ronized you."
"He's very fond of me."
"Then why doesn't he t ry t o get you back? Has he writ t en you a single let t er, asking you t o go
home, in t he last t wo mont hs?"
"You don't underst and Hailey, Aunt Lora. He's so proud."
"Tchah!"
When Mrs. Port er said "Tchah!" it was final. There was not hing ill- t empered or violent about
t he ejaculat ion: it was simply final. Sybil wit hdrew.
It was Mrs. Port er's daily pract ice, when she had made her simple breakfast and given her
household st aff it s inst ruct ions, t o walk briskly out of her garden-gat e, proceed for a mile down
t he high road, t hen, t urning, t o walk back and begin work on her current book. The procedure
had t wo advant ages. It cleared her brain, and it afforded mild exercise t o Mike, her Irish t errier.
On t he morning aft er t he rout of Herbert Nixon, she had just emerged from t he garden, when
she was aware of a ragged figure coming t owards her down t he st raight whit e road. She called
t o t he dog, who was sniffing at an at t ract ive-smelling dead bird which he had locat ed under
t he hedge.
"Mike!"
Lora Delane Port er was not afraid of t ramps; but it is no sign of fear t o mobilize your forces; it is
merely a sensible precaut ion in case of accident s. She mobilized Mike. He left t he bird, on which
he had int ended t o roll, wit h a back-glance of regret , and came t rot t ing t o her side.
"To heel!" said Mrs. Port er.
The t ramp was a t ypical ruffian of his species. He was unkempt and grimy; he wore a soiled
hat , a grey suit of clot hes picked out wit h splashes of brown and green and t here was no collar
round his neck. He walked as if he had been part ially hamst rung by a bungling amat eur who
had made a bad job of it .
As she drew level wit h him he looked at her, st opped, and said: "Aunt Lora!"
Mrs. Port er made it a rule t o pass t he ordinary t ramp wit hout a glance; but t ramps who
addressed her as "Aunt Lora" merit ed inspect ion. She accorded t his inspect ion t o t he man
before her, and gave a lit t le gasp. His face was obscured by dust and perspirat ion, and he had
a scrubby beard; but she recognized him.
"Hailey!"
To preserve a perfect poise in t he face of all of life's unt oward happenings was part of Mrs.
Port er's religion. Though, for all her st ern force of charact er, she was now inwardly aflame wit h
curiosit y, she did not show it in her manner.
"What are you doing here, Hailey?" she inquired, calmly.
He passed t he ruins of a silk handkerchief over his grimy face and groaned. He was a shocking
spect acle.
"I've had an awful t ime!"
"You look it ."
"I've walked every st ep of t he way from Sout hampt on."
"Why?"
"Why! Because I had t o. Do I look as if I were doing t his for my healt h?"
"It 's an excellent t hing for your healt h. You always did shirk exercise."
Hailey drew himself up and fixed his aunt wit h a gaze which was a lit t le t oo bloodshot t o be
really dignified.
"Aunt Lora, do not misunderst and me. I have not come t o you for sympat hy. I have not come t o
you for assist ance. I have not "
"You look like a walking ploughed field."
"I have merely come"
"Have you been sleeping in t hose clot hes?"
Hailey's haut eur changed t o a human irrit at ion.
"Yes, I have been sleeping in t hese clot hes, and I wish you wouldn't look at me as if I were a
kind of freak."
"But you are."
"Aunt Lora, I have not come t o you for sym"
"Bless t he boy, don't t ell me all t he t hings you have not come t o me for. What have you come
for? In t he first place, why are you in England at all? Have you come t o t ry and get Sybil t o go
home?"
"I have not . If Sybil is t o ret urn home, she must do so of her own free will. I shall not at t empt t o
persuade her. I am here because, on t he declarat ion of war, I was obliged t o leave Paris, where I
was spending a vacat ion. When I reached Sout hampt on and t ried t o get a boat back t o New
York I found it impossible. My t raveller's cheques and my let t er of credit were valueless, and I
was wit hout a penny. I had lost all my luggage. I set out t o walk t o you because you were t he
only person who could t ell me where Professor Tupper-Smit h lived."
"Professor Tupper-Smit h?"
"Cert ainly. Professor Tupper-Smit h. The English bore you plant ed on me when he visit ed New
York last year."
Hailey spoke bit t erly. Over t he unconscious head of t his same Professor Tupper-Smit h t here
had raged one of t he most serious of t he bat t les which had shat t ered his domest ic peace. The
professor was a well-known English writ er on sociology, who had come t o New York wit h a
let t er of int roduct ion t o Mrs. Port er. Mrs. Port er, wishing t o house him more comfort ably t han he
was being housed at his hot el, had t aken him t o Sybil. Hailey was out of t own at t he t ime, and
t he t hing had been done in his absence. He and Sybil had had one of t heir first quarrels about
it . In t he end t he professor had st ayed on, and incident ally nearly driven Hailey mad.
Now, if a man had nearly driven you mad in New York, burst ing wit h your meat t he while, t he
least he can do, when you call on him, dest it ut e, in England, is t o honour your not e-of-hand for
a few hundred dollars.
That was how Hailey had argued, and t hat was what had driven him t o his aunt . She knew t he
locat ion of t his human El Dorado; he did not .
"Why do you want t o see Professor Tupper-Smit h?"
Hailey kicked t he hard road in his emot ion.
"I want t o ask him for his phot ograph. That 's all. Of course, I ent ert ain no idea of get t ing him t o
lend me money so t hat I can get back t o New York. As he is t he only man I know in England,
nat urally t hat had not occurred t o me."
Mrs. Port er was a grim woman, sparing wit h her smiles, but at t hese words she laughed
heart ily.
"Why, of course! Do you know, Hailey, I t hink I must be get t ing st upid. I never realized t ill now
what a complet e fix you were in."
"Will you t ell me t hat man's address?"
"No. At least , not for a long t ime. But I'll do somet hing else. I'll give you a job."
"What do you mean?"
"Hailey, you always were an undisciplined child. I oft en t old your fat her sowhen we were on
speaking t erms. Rich men's sons are always like t hat . I was saying t o Sybil only yest erday t hat
what you needed was discipline. Discipline and honest work! They may make somet hing of you
yet . My odd-job man left me yest erdayyou shall t ake his place. You know what an odd-job
man is, I presume? For inst ance"she looked past him"he washes t he dog. I see t hat Mike is
rolling again. He cannot underst and t hat we don't like it . You had bet t er cat ch him and wash
him at once, Hailey. Take care he does not bit e you. Irish t erriers are quick-t empered.'
"Aunt Lora, do you imagine for a moment t hat I am going t o"
"You won't find out where Professor Tupper-Smit h lives if you don't ."
Hailey's unshaven jaw fell. There was a silence broken only by t he pleased snort ings of Mike.
"Aunt Lora, if it is your wish t o humiliat e me"
"Don't be absurd, child. Humiliat e you, indeed! You t alk as if you were a prince of t he blood. I am
doing you a great kindness. This will be t he making of you. You have been spoiled since you
were a boy. You t reat ed Sybil as if you were a Sult an. You were a mass of conceit . A mont h or
t wo of t his will"
"A mont h or t wo!"
"Or t hree," said Mrs. Port er. "Well, make up your mind quickly. You have a perfect ly free choice.
If you prefer t o go on t ramping t hrough England, by all means do so."
A minut e lat er Mike, busy wit h his bird, felt his collar grasped. He gazed up int o a set , scrubby-
bearded face. It was t he face of a man wit h a hidden sorrow.
"Under t he t ap in t he st able-yard is t he best place," said Mrs. Port er.
Of t he t wo principals in t he ablut ions of Mike, t he bat her and t he bat hed, it would have been
hard for an impart ial spect at or t o have said which looked t he unhappier. Mike's views on t ot al
immersion were peculiar. To plunge int o any river, pond, or ot her sheet of wat er was one of his
chief pleasures. In a t ub, wit h soap playing a part in t he proceedings, he became a t ort ured
mart yr.
Nor did Hailey approach t he operat ion in a more rollicking spirit . He had never washed a dog
before. When his dog in New York required washing, some underling below-st airs did it . The
t hought crossed his mind, as he wrought upon Mike, t hat what ever t hat underling's wages
were, t hey were not enough.
He was concent rat ing t ensely upon his t ask when Sybil ent ered t he yard.
Sybil was in t he grip of a number of emot ions. When Mrs. Port er had informed her of Hailey's
miraculous appearance, joy had predominat ed. When she learned of his misfort unes, it had
been succeeded by pit y. Then t he curious fact came home t o her t hat , t hough Hailey was
apparent ly t here, he had not yet appeared before her. And when t his myst ery was explained
by t he informat ion t hat he was washing t he dog in t he st able-yard, her ast onishment grew.
Finally, when she had grasped t he whole posit ion of affairs a great dismay came upon her. She
knew Hailey so wellhis pride, his sensit ive fast idiousness, his aloofness from all t hat was
rough and undignified in t he world. This was t errible. She pleaded wit h Mrs. Port er, but Mrs.
Port er remained resolut e.
Then she sped t o t he st able-yard, t o wit ness t he horror for herself.
Hailey looked up. Silence reigned in t he st able-yard. Hailey looked at Sybil. Sybil st ood t here
wit hout a word. Mike shivered miserably, as one on t he brink of t he t omb.
"Well?" said Hailey, at lengt h.
"Oh, Hailey!"
"Well?"
"Oh, Hailey, it is nice seeing you again!"
"Is it ?"
Sybil's mout h quivered, and her eyes grew large and plaint ive. Hailey did not soft en. Sybil, he
reminded himself, was in Mrs. Port er's camp, and it was Mrs. Port er who had inflict ed t his beast
of a dog on him.
He removed Mike from t he t ub and enveloped him in t he t owel.
"Hailey, dear, don't be cross."
"Cross?"
It is difficult for a man conscious of a four days' beard and perhaps a quart er of an inch of
English soil on all t he exposed part s of his person t o raise his eyes wit h chilly dignit y, but Hailey
did it . He did it t wice.
"Cross?"
"I begged Aunt Lora not t o"
"Not t o what ?"
"Not t ot o make you do t his. I begged her t o ask you t ot o st ay wit h us."
"I am st aying wit h you."
"I mean as a guest ."
A t hird t ime Hailey raised t hose dust y eyebrows.
"Do you imagine for a moment t hat I would accept my aunt 's hospit alit y?"
There was a pause.
Hailey released Mike, who shot out of t he yard like a t orpedo.
"Why did you come t o England, Hailey?"
"I was on a vacat ion in France, and had t o leave."
"You didn't come t ot o see me?"
"No."
"Hailey, you don't seem very fond of me."
Hailey picked up t he t owel and folded it .
"If Aunt Lora t ells you where Mr. Tupper-Smit h lives, I suppose you will go back t o New York
again?"
"If Mr. Tupper-Smit h will lend me t he money, I shall go by t he first boat ."
He lift ed t he t ub wit h an air of finalit y, and empt ied it down t he drain. Sybil paused irresolut ely
for a moment , t hen walked slowly away.
The days which followed did not hing t o relieve Hailey's depression. Indeed, t hey deepened it .
He had not imagined t hat he could ever feel sorrier for himself t han he had felt by bedt ime t hat
first night , but he discovered t hat he had merely, so t o speak, scrat ched t he surface of gloom.
On t he second day he sought audience of his aunt .
"Aunt Lora, t his cannot cont inue."
"Why? Have you decided t o become a t ramp again?"
"You are t aking an unjust ifiable advant age of my misfort une in being helpless t o resent it t o"
"When you were a small boy, Hailey, you came t o visit me once, and behaved like a perfect lit t le
devil. I t ook advant age of your misfort une in being helpless t o resent it t o spank you wit h a
clot hes- brush. My mist ake was t hat I st opped t he t reat ment before I had cured you. The
t reat ment has now begun again, and will cont inue t ill you are out of danger."
"Aunt Lora, you cannot realize t he humiliat ion of my posit ion."
"Nonsense! Use your imaginat ion. Try t o t hink you're a pioneer out in t he West ."
"I have no ambit ion t o be a pioneer out in t he West ."
"Your real t rouble, Hailey, is t hat you t hink t he societ y beneat h you."
"I am not accust omed t o hob-nob wit h cooks."
"It is exceedingly good of my cook t o let you hob-nob wit h her. She knows you came here
wit hout reference, aft er having been a t ramp. It shows she is not a snob."
Hailey ret urned t o his hewing of wood and drawing of wat er.
For a rat her excessively fast idious young man wit h an ext remely high opinion of himself t here
are more congenial walks in life t han t hat of odd-job man in a count ry house.
The dut ies of an odd-job man are ext ensive and peculiar. He is seldom idle. If t he cook does
not require him t o chop wood, t he gardener commandeers him for pot at o-digging. He cleans
t he knives; he cleans t he shoes; he cleans t he windows; he cleans t he dog. In a way his is an
alt ruist ic life, for his primary mission is t o scat t er sweet ness and light , and t o best ow on ot hers
benefit s in which he himself cannot share; but it is not an easy one.
Hailey did all t hese t hings and ot hers besides. His work began at an hour which in happier days
he had looked on as part of t he night , and it ended when sheer ment al fat igue made it
impossible for t hose in command over him t o t hink up anyt hing else for him t o do. When t his
happened, he would light his pipe and st roll moodily in t he garden. It was one small count in his
case against Fat e t hat he, once known for his nice t ast e in cigars, should be reduced t o a
cheap wooden pipe and t he sort of t obacco t hey sell in English villages.
His was not a nat ure t hat adapt ed it self readily t o deviat ions from habit , part icularly when such
deviat ions involved manual labour. There were men of his acquaint ance in New York who
would have t reat ed his predicament in a spirit of humorous advent ure. But t hen t hey were men
whose idea of enjoyment was t o camp out in lonely woods wit h a guide and a fishing-rod.
Newport was t he wildest life t hat Hailey had ever known. He hat ed discomfort ; he hat ed
manual labour; he hat ed being under orders; and he hat ed t he societ y of his social inferiors. To
t reat his present life in a whimsically advent urous spirit was beyond him.
Of all it s disagreeable feat ures, possibly t hat which he resent ed most was t he sense of
inferiorit y which it brought wit h it . In t he real fundament als of exist ence, he now perceived,
such as reducing unwieldy blocks of wood t o neat faggot s and put t ing a polish on a shoe, he
was useless. He, Hailey Bannist er, respect ed in Wall St reet as a coming man, was cont inually
falling short of even t he modest st andard of efficiency set up by his predecessor, Mr. Nixon.
The opinion below- st airs was t hat Herbert had been pret t y bad, but t hat Hailey was
unspeakable. They were nice about it but impat ient , dist inct ly impat ient ; and it wounded
Hailey. He t ried t o t ell himself t hat t he good opinion of t he masses was not wort h having, but
he could not bring himself t o believe it . For t he first t ime in his life he found himself humble,
even apologet ic. It was galling for a young man's self-est eem t o be in Rome and fail t hrough
sheer incompet ence t o do as t he Romans do. There were moment s when a word of praise
from t he cook would have given Hailey more sat isfact ion t han t wo successful deals in Wall
St reet .
It was by chance rat her t han design t hat Sybil chose t he psychological moment for re-ent ering
his life. His moods since his arrival had alt ernat ed bet ween a wild yearning for her and posit ive
dislike. But one night , as he st ood smoking in t he st able-yard, he was longing for her wit h a
sent iment al fervour of which in t he days of his freedom he had never been capable. It had been
a part icularly hard day, and, as he st ood poisoning t he summer night wit h his t obacco, a great
loneliness and remorse filled him. He had t reat ed Sybil badly, he t old himself. He went over in
his mind episodes of t heir life t oget her in New York, and shuddered at t he pict ure he conjured
up of himself. No wonder she shunned him.
And, as he st ood t here, she came t o him.
"Hailey!"
She was nervous, and he did not wonder at it . A girl coming t o speak t o t he sort of man he had
just been cont emplat ing might have been excused if she had called out t he police reserves as
an escort .
"Yes?"
He was horrified at t he gruffness of his voice. He had meant t o speak wit h t ender soft ness. It
was t his bad t obacco.
"Hailey, dear, I've brought you t his."
Wonderful int uit ion of Woman! It was t he one t hing he desireda fat cigar, and, as his t rained
senses t old him, a cigar of qualit y. He t ook it in a silence t oo deep for words.
"We were calling on some people. The man's st udy-door was open, and I saw t he boxI hadn't
t ime t o t ake more t han oneI t hought you would like it ."
Hailey could not speak. He was overcome. He kissed her.
He was conscious of a curious dizziness.
In t he old days kissing Sybil had always been one of his daily act s. He had done it t he first t hing
in t he morning, last t hing at night . It had not made him dizzy t hen. He had never even derived
any part icular pleasure from it , especially in t he morning, when he was a lit t le lat e, and t he car
was wait ing t o t ake him t o business and t he but ler st anding by wit h his hat and cane. Then it
had somet imes been almost a nuisance, and only his rigid conscient iousness had made him do
it . But now, in t he scent ed dusk of t his summer night well, it was different . It was int ensely
different .
"I must go back," she said, quickly. "Aunt Lora is wait ing for me."
Reluct ant ly he released her, and t he night swallowed her up. It was a full minut e before he
moved.
He became aware of somet hing in his right hand. It was t he broken remnant s of a crushed
cigar.
They fell int o t he habit of meet ing in t he garden aft er dark. All day he looked forward t o t hese
moment s. Somehow t hey seemed t o supply somet hing which had always been lacking in his
life. He had wooed Sybil in t he days before t heir marriage in ballrooms and drawing- rooms. It
had seemed quit e sat isfact ory t o him at t he t ime, but t his t his st ealt hy coming t oget her in
t he darkness, t hese whispered conversat ions under t he st arst his was what he had always
been st arving for. He realized it now.
His out look on life seemed t o change. He saw t hings wit h different eyes. Quit e suddenly it was
borne in upon him how amazingly fit he felt . In New York he had been exact ing in t he mat t er of
food, crit ical, and hard t o please. Now, if supper was a t rifle behind t ime, he had t o exercise
rest raint t o keep himself from raiding t he larder. Hit hert o unsuspect ed virt ues in cold mut t on
were revealed t o him. It might be humiliat ing for a young man highly respect ed in Wall St reet
and in t he clubs of New York t o chop wood, sweep leaves, and dig pot at oes, but t hese t hings
cert ainly made for healt h.
Nor had his views on t he societ y in which he moved remained unalt ered. The cookwhat a
good, mot herly soul, always ready wit h a glass of beer when t he heat of t he day made work
oppressive. The gardenerwhat a st erling conversat ionalist ! The parlour-maidwhat a
milit ary expert ! That night at supper, when t he parlour-maid exposed Germany's ent ire plan of
campaign, while t he cook said t hat she never did hold wit h war, and t he gardener t old t he st ory
of his uncle who had lost a leg in t he Indian Mut iny, was one of t he most enjoyable t hat Hailey
had ever spent .
One port ion of Hailey's varied dut ies was t o walk a mile down t he road and post let t ers at t he
village post -office. He generally was not required t o do t his t ill lat e in t he evening, but
occasionally t here would be an import ant let t er for t he morning post , for Mrs. Port er was a
voluminous correspondent .
One morning, as he was t urning in at t he gat e on his way back from t he village, a voice
addressed him, and he was aware of a man in a black suit , seat ed upon a t ricycle.
This in it self would have been enough t o rivet his int erest , for he had never in his life seen a
man on a t ricycle. But it was not only t he t ricycle t hat excit ed him. The voice seemed familiar. It
aroused vaguely unpleasant memories.
"My good manwhy, Mr. Bannist er! Bless my soul! I had no idea you were in England. I am
delight ed t o see you. I never t ire of t elling my friends of your kindness t o me in New York."
The landscape reeled before Hailey's blinking eyes. Speech was wiped from his lips. It was
Professor Tupper-Smit h.
"I must not offer t o shake hands, Mr. Bannist er. I have no doubt t here is st ill risk of infect ion.
How is t he pat ient ?"
"Eh?" said Hailey.
"Mumps is a painful, dist ressing malady, but happily not dangerous."
"Mumps?"
"Mrs. Port er t old me t hat t here was mumps in t he house. I t rust all is now well? That is what
has kept me away. Mrs. Port er knows how apprehensive I am of all infect ious ailment s, and
expressly forbade me t o call. Previously I had been a daily visit or. It has been a great
deprivat ion t o me, I can assure you, Mr. Bannist er. A woman of wonderful int elligence!"
"Do you meant t o t ell medo you live near here?"
"That house you see t hrough t he t rees is mine."
Hailey drew a deep breat h.
"Could I speak t o you," he said, "on a mat t er of import ance?"
In t he st able-yard, which t heir meet ings had hallowed for him, Hailey st ood wait ing t hat night .
t here had been rain earlier in t he evening, and t he air was soft and mild, and heavy wit h t he
scent of flowers. But Hailey was beyond t he soot hing influence of cool air and sweet scent s.
He felt bruised.
She had been amusing herself wit h him, playing wit h him. There could be no ot her explanat ion.
She had known all t he t ime t hat t his man Tupper-Smit h was living at t heir very gat es, and she
had kept it from him. She had known what it meant t o him t o find t he man, and she had kept it
from him. He wait ed grimly.
"Hailey!"
There was a glimmer of whit e against t he shadows.
"Here I am."
She came t o him, her face raised, but he drew back.
"Sybil," he said, "I never asked you before. Can you t ell me where t his man Tupper-Smit h
lives?"
She st art ed. He could only see her dimly, but he sensed it .
"N-no."
He smiled bit t erly. She had t he grace t o hesit at e. That , he supposed, must be put t o her credit .
"St range," he said. "He lives down t he road. Curious your not knowing, when he used t o come
here so oft en."
When Sybil spoke her voice was a whisper.
"I was afraid it would happen."
"Yes, I'm sorry I have not been able t o amuse you longer. But it must have been delight ful, while
it last ed. You cert ainly fooled me. I didn't even t hink it wort h while asking you if you knew his
address. I t ook it for grant ed t hat , if you had known, you would have t old me. And you were
laughing t he whole t ime! Well, I suppose I ought not t o blame you. I can see now t hat I used t o
t reat you badly in New York, and you can't be blamed for get t ing even. Well, I'm afraid t he
joke's over now. I met him t his morning."
"Hailey, you don't underst and."
"Surely it couldn't be much plainer?"
"I couldn't t ell you. II couldn't ."
"Of course not . It would have spoiled everyt hing."
"You know it was not t hat . it was becausedo you remember t he day you came here? You
t old me t hen t hat , direct ly you found him, you would go back t o America."
"Well?"
"Well, I didn't want you t o go. And aft erwards, when we began t o meet like t his, Ist ill more
didn't want you t o go."
A bird rust led in t he t rees behind t hem. The rust ling ceased. In t he dist ance a corncrake was
calling monot onously. The sound came faint ly over t he meadows, emphasizing t he st illness.
"Don't you underst and? You must underst and. I was awfully sorry for you, but I was selfish. I
want ed t o keep you. It has all been so different here. Over in New York we never seemed t o be
t oget her. We used t o quarrel. Everyt hing seemed t o go wrong. But here it has been perfect . It
was like being t oget her on a desert island. I couldn't end it . I hat ed t o see you unhappy, and I
want ed it t o go on for ever. So"
Groping at a vent ure, he found her arm, and held it .
"Sybil! Sybil, dear, I'm going back t o-morrow; going home. Will you come wit h me?"
"I t hough you had given me up. I t hought you never want ed me back. You said"
"Forget what I said. When you left New York I was a fool. I was a brut e. I'm different now. List en,
Sybil. Tupper-Smit hI always liked t hat manlent me fift y pounds t his morning. In gold! He
t ricycled five miles t o get it . That 's t he sort of man he is. I hired a car, went t o Sout hampt on,
and fixed t hings up wit h t he skipper of an American t ramp. She sails t o-morrow night . Sybil, will
you come? There's acres of room, and you'll like t he skipper. He chews t obacco. A corking
chap! Will you come?"
He could hear her crying. He caught her t o him in t he darkness.
"Will you?"
"Oh, my dear!"
"It isn't a float ing palace, you know. It 's just an old, rust y t ramp- ship. We may make New York
in t hree weeks, or we may not . There won't be much t o eat except corned beef and crackers.
And, Sybilerdo you object t o a slight smell of pigs? The last cargo was pigs, and you can
st ill not ice it a lit t le."
"I love t he smell of pigs, Hailey, dear," said Sybil.
In t he drawing-room Lora Delane Port er, t hat great woman, relaxed her powerful mind wit h a
select ed volume of Spinoza's "Et hics." She looked up as Sybil ent ered.
"You've been crying, child."
"I've been t alking t o Hailey."
Mrs. Port er dropped Spinoza and st iffened milit ant ly in her chair.
"If t hat boy Hailey has been bullying you, he shall wash Mike now."
"Aunt Lora, I want t o go home t o-morrow, please."
"What !"
"Hailey has met Mr. Tupper-Smit h and he lent him fift y pounds, and he mot ored int o
Sout hampt on"
"Mr. Tupper-Smit h?"
"No, Hailey."
"That's where he was all t he aft ernoon. No wonder t hey couldn't find him t o dig t he pot at oes."
"And he has bought accommodat ion for me and himself on a t ramp-st eamer which has been
carrying pigs. We shall live on corned beef and crackers, and we may get t o New York some
t ime or we may not . And Hailey says t he capt ain is such a nice man, who chews t obacco."
Mrs. Port er st art ed.
"Sybil, do you meant t o t ell me t hat Hailey proposes t o sail t o New York on a t ramp-st eamer
t hat smells of pigs, and live on corned beef and crackers? And t hat he likes a man who chews
t obacco?"
"He said he was a corking chap."
Mrs. Port er picked up her Spinoza.
"Well, well," she said. "I failed wit h t he clot hes-brush, but I seemed t o have worked wonders
wit h t he simple-life t reat ment ."