SHOW DONT TELL!

Introduction
Have you read a book and found yourself totally
involved with the characters feeling as though
you were experiencing what they were seeing
the things they saw, hearing what they heard,
feeling what they felt?

If so, the writer did a great job of SHOWING.

As a writer, your job is to do the same thing for
your readers.
How do writers Show?

Description

Action

Dialogue

Show Dont Tell!
Part I: Make your writing come
alive with DESCRIPTION!
Description
Writers who SHOW use specific, rather
than general, nouns

General: applying to all or most members of
a category or group; somewhat indefinite

Specific: applying to one member of a group;
explicit or in detail
Which gives you a better picture?
Dog (general) (which one -
or
maybe
neither?)


Dachshund (specific)
Always begin with specific nouns!

The animal peered out from the
vegetation.

Do you see the picture the writer is describing?
What does the animal look like?
What kind of vegetation is it peering from?


The mouse peered out
from the tall grass.
The lion peered out from
between the tree trunks.
Did you see either of these pictures when you read the first
general sentence?
Can you make these sentences more specific
by changing the nouns?
The birds looked down from the top
of the building.
That person just caught a fish.
The animal jumped into the water.
We admired the boys new car.
They shouted during the entire
game.



Adjectives
It is better to use a specific noun and no
adjectives, than to use a general noun
with adjectives.

It is better to use adjectives carefully and
sparingly and not to over-use them.

It is best to have a specific noun with
possibly one well chosen adjective.

Consider
The big, fierce, growling dog jumped right
over the high, strong fence.

The growling German Shepherd jumped
right over the six foot Cyclone fence.

Which gives a clearer picture? Which is
more enjoyable to read?

Sensory Details
People experience things through most or all
of their senses: seeing, hearing, touching,
tasting, smelling.

Many writers focus only on seeing.
Dont forget the other senses in your
writing.
Instead of writing:

The geese flew overhead, making me think of winter to
come.

how about this:

The geese flew overhead in a ragged V formation. Their
cheerful honking brought visions of cool winter evenings
sitting in front of a crackling fire. I could almost taste
the sweet hot chocolate with little half-melted
marshmallows floating on top.

We managed to bring in sight, sound, taste, touch
Indirectly we also have smell (fire and hot chocolate).




Can you add a few more senses to one or more of these
sentences? You may need to turn them into two or
three sentences.
The children followed the ice
cream truck until it stopped.
I walked through the sand,
watching the ocean waves
come in.
The fire truck raced around
the corner and stopped in
front of the burning house.

Show Dont Tell!
Part II: Make your writing come
alive with ACTION!

Vivid and Active Verbs
Nouns paint the picture.
Verbs make the picture come alive and move.


Passive vs Active Verbs

Verbs of being: Is, Was, Are, Were, Will be

Verbs of being are passive. They do not
involve action, and lead to vague ideas
rather than specific, active scenes.

Consider
The little girl was sad when her hamster died.
Each of us knows what we do when we are sad,
but do we know what this little girl is doing?

Jim was happy when he opened his report card.
We know what we would do if our report card was
better than expected, but what does Jim do?
Can you see him?




How about these?
The little girl sobbed
when her hamster
died.



The little girl
screamed when her
hamster died.

Or these?
Jim danced a victory
dance when he
opened his report
card.
Jim laughed out loud
when he opened his
report card.
Action Verbs
Action verbs tell us what the subject is doing,
rather than what the subject is being. They add
to the specific imagery and sensory details of
the writing - allowing us to experience along
with the subject.

Check your writing for verbs of being when
possible, change them to active verbs.
Progressive or Continuous verb form
Actions happening over a period of time are
progressive or continuous. They are indicated
by adding a verb of being in front of an action
verb, and adding ing to the end of the verb.
we are running, they were leaving

Only use this form for activities that actually do
happen over time.

Which feels more active?
He was laughing at her mistake and she was
hitting him.
or
He laughed at her mistake and she hit him.

They were watching the movie; after that they
were eating at McDonalds.
or
They watched the movie; after that they ate at
McDonalds.
Not all action verbs are created
equal!
Some action verbs are vague, not specific and
not very active. Here are some examples:

goes-went
does-did
seems-seemed
get-got
makes-made


walk-walked
look-looked
give-gave
work-worked
get-got

take-took
start-started
begin-began
use-used
has-had





Consider
Martha went into the swimming pool.
Went is an action verb but does it give
you much information about how Martha
went into the water?

Harry walked on the trail.
Walked is also an action verb, but it is
overused and not very specific. How did
Jim walk?

Look at the difference a verb makes!
Martha dove into the
water.
Martha floated into
the water.
Martha splashed into
the water!
Harry crawled along the
trail.
Harry strolled
along the trail.
Harry marched along
the trail.
Lets try one more
The dragon flew over us. Did it:

Swoop? Flutter? Soar?
Adverbs
Just as with adjectives and nouns, use
adverbs sparingly and for effect. Start
with a vivid, active verb and then add an
adverb if necessary.



Instead of saying:
He talked loudly into the phone.
How about:
He yelled into the phone.

Instead of saying:
She ran quickly to the door.
How about:
She raced to the door.
Make your verbs powerful!
Avoid using verbs of being

Avoid using the continuous, or progressive past
unless the action happened over a period of
time

Avoid using vague verbs

Avoid overusing adverbs

DO use descriptive, vivid and active verbs
Can you change these passive or vague
sentences to more active and vivid ones by
changing the verbs?
The girls went across the street
when they saw the others
waiting.
Jeff was jealous when he saw
his girlfriend talking to the new
boy.
Mariah was happy when Ryan
asked her to the dance.


Show Dont Tell!
Part II: Make your writing come
alive with DIALOGUE!

Dialogue adds to the sense of sound
because it allows the reader to hear the
characters talking, rather than being told
what the characters are saying.
Which would you rather read?
Janine told Ashley she was hit by a car on her
way over.
OR

I entered the intersection, Janine said, crying.
Right out of nowhere a big black car came and
hit me, just like it was aiming at me. I skidded
into the ditch and almost turned over. I was so
scared! And the other car just zoomed off and
didnt stop to help.
When should you use dialogue?
Use dialogue to give readers information in an interesting
way.

Instead of writing a paragraph telling readers about a bank robbery that
happened before your story began, do it with dialogue:

Did you read about that bank robbery last week? asked Tanya.
The robbers wore Mickey Mouse masks and got away with almost a
million dollars. The police havent found any clues at all.

That creepy guy at the video arcade loves Mickey Mouse he always
wears Mickey Mouse t-shirts.

Yep, exactly. I think we ought to watch him maybe we can collect
the $10,000 reward.
Use dialogue to show us more about a character.

Instead of telling us that Butch is nervous around girls, show
us with dialogue.

Are you going to the dance tonight? asked Cassie.

Uh, well, Butch felt his face getting red. Um, dance?
Dont know. I cant, dont No! He turned and ran,
leaving a surprised Cassie staring after him.


Avoid using dialogue to say things that dont move the
story forward.

Instead of:

Hi, said Meagan.

Hello, said Jerome. How are you?

Okay, how about you?

Ive been better but I cant complain.

it would be better to simply say:

Meagan and Jerome greeted each other.

and move on with the important and interesting part of the story.
The mechanics of writing dialogue
How writers put dialogue on a page is important. If it is not
done correctly, readers will be confused.

All words that the speaker says must be enclosed in quotation
marks.

The end punctuation of the speakers words (periods, question
marks, exclamation points) must be placed inside the quotation
marks.

Speech tags (he said, she asked) must be outside the quotation
marks.

Fred said, "Hi, my name is Fred but you can call me Larry."
"Hi," Fred said, "my name is Fred but you can call me Larry."
"Is your name really Fred or Larry?" Cynthia asked.

Every time a different person speaks, begin a new
paragraph.

Use speech tags or actions to make it clear who is speaking.


Fentmore looked up from the vat. "Help," he cried. Could no one
hear him? The maple syrup seemed to be getting warmer. "Really, I
need help. I'm in the maple vat," he yelled as loudly as he could.

"Who is that calling?" someone asked.

"Me!

"Who is me?" the same voice said again.



Use the word said as your speech tag most of the time. Use words
like: exclaimed, yelled, argued, questioned rarely and only for
emphasis. If only two people are speaking, a speech tag is not
necessary every time someone speaks.

"Me is Fentmore. I need help. I fell into the vat of syrup and I think
they are cooking it. It's getting pretty hot in here and besides I only
like maple syrup on pancakes.

"If I didn't know it was you, Fentmore, I'd think it was serious, but
you're such a joker. Turn off the lights when you leave.

Fentmore heard the door close just about the same time he
recognized the voice as belonging to old Mr. Tottery, a man on whom
he played tricks nearly every week.

Your turn to practice SHOWING!
Look at the telling sentences
in the next slide. Pick one
and turn it into a showing
paragraph or two... or three.

Use everything you have
learned about description,
action and dialogue to get
your reader involved and
experiencing things along
with the characters.
They ate like pigs.
The kid was a brat.
He loves basketball.
This was the worst day!
She is always there for me.
Now you too have the power to involve your
readers in your writing by showing rather
than telling. Use it!

Happy Writing!!!
Created by Barbara Bureker
2008