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Panel Discusses Student


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Voter Tumi out By Matt Willemain
Several dozen students turned out for a Norpoth, however, suspects that with our two- is not significantly greater than South Dakota.
spirited discussion of youth participation on party system and single-winner districts, con- Mascher compared turnout in New York versus
elections and electoral reform last Thursday, centrating the vote on campus might not actual- the six states that have adopted Election Day
April 28. The event, cosponsored by the- ly serve student interests. His theory is that Registration (EDR)-people who are interested in
Undergraduate Student Government, NYPIRG, draining student voters out of their home dis- voting don't have to sign up in advance-and
College Democrats, College Republicans and tricts allows the legislators who don't have a quotes studies that predict a huge eight percent
Sigma Beta Rho, featured presentations from a campus in their district to totally disregard the increase in voting if New York adopts EDR.
panel of experts, followed by a question and interests of students, and perhaps polarizes the Mascher argues that interest in voting spikes at
answer session, moderated by graduate student legislature. Enlgebright countered by asserting the last minute because most of the media does-
in history Dan Woulfin. Appearing on the panel that there is real value in some clear wins send- n't cover elections seriously until after it is too
were Stony Brook Political Science Professor ing "champions" to be active fighters for stu- late to register to vote in New York. Englebright
Helmut Norporth (who teaches a course on. dents, as opposed to watering down student would later speak in favor of EDR. From the
Voters and Elections), State Assemblyman Steve power by diluting their vote throughout the audience, student Jeff Lecitra, former President
Englebright (who represents Stony Brook and state. Norpoth also questioned whether stu- of the College Democrats, would suggest that, in
credits student voters as an important part of dents could be a clearly defined group, suggest- addition to registration at the last minute, elec-
his electoral success) and NYPIRG Board ing that other than a mutual interest in funding tion day should be a national holiday.
Representative John Mascher (who lead for higher education students were a diverse Moderator Woulfin asked the panelists
NYPIRG's Stony Brook campus voter registration bunch with no clear shared values. Not dis- to speak specifically about youth turnout.
project last fall). Also invited, but not attend- cussed was whether the interests of political Mascher called for a cultural change valuing
ing, was State Senator John Flanagan. minorities, like student voters, are helped or voting, pressuring the Board of Elections to
NYPIRG's Mascher opened the evening hurt by the institutions like the two party sys- attend to the special needs of campus voters (for
proudly citing the record 3,285 students who tem and the district based legislature. example, their address changes when they move
voted on campus last fall as counter evidence to across the hall) and teaching high school stu-
the assumption that young people are too apa- dents to participate. He would later expand on
thetic to participate in US elections. He contin- the idea that youth voting is imp'ortant for all of
ued expressing concern for the number of peo- society, because young people who learn habit-
ple who participate in the electoral process. ually to vote or not vote will establish voting
Next to speak was Assemblyman patterns for all age groups in the future.
Englebright, who began by apologizing for Englebright blamed a history of chronically low
delaying the program as he navigated rush hour youth voting on politicians failing to approach
traffic from another speaking engagement. students and explain how important and rele-
Englebright responded to the record election vant their candidacies were. He suggested that
turnout on campus last fall, calling it one of-the this neglect is sometimes carefully calculated.
most interesting events in the history of his- Helmut said that it was important to make a dis-
political career. He then summarized his career tinction between youth voting and student vot-
in government and the struggle for student ing. He said that on campus plenty of people
enfranchisement on campus, which he sees as vote, and that the young people who aren't
interrelated. counted are the less educated who don't attend
Englebright began his career as an oppo- colleges like Stony Brook. Lecitra responded,
nent of a proposed Shoreham Nuclear Power saying that students should vote as trustees
facility, an issue which attracted a lot of pas- defending the interests of other young people
sionate support from students. No students who cannot or do not vote.
could vote from a campus address in that elec- Woulfin asked about New York State's
tion, but it didn't stop Englebright's defeated response to a federal law, the controversial
opponent from blaming students for his loss. Helping America to Vote Act (HAVA), a reform
Enlgebright continued, describing the incre- bill passed after the problems in the 2000 pres-
mental process of winning meaningful, student idential election. Norpoth called it bribery.
campus voting. First students had to be allowed Federal government money is offered to the
to vote from campus at all. Then, inconvenient states for making changes to the way they run
bussing to an off campus polling place had to be elections. Norpoth reminded the audience that
replaced with a site on Campus. Also,; student the US Constitution is very clear about the
turnout in elections was highly contingent on states running elections on their own.
organized campus activism, students educating Englebright said that deadlines where
their peers on voting opportunities. All the approaching, both related to the federal law and
while, student voting advocates had to deal with Englebright finished his opening speech the state's schedule for making laws, and that if
underhanded techniques to depress the student by talking about how student participating in New York was going to act on HAVA it would
turnout, ranging from hard to find polling politics was successful in fighting back some of have to be before June 23. There is currently an
places to vast silent deregistration of hundreds the more draconian cuts to higher education impasse between the Democrat run Assembly
of students who had changed rooms on campus spending proposed by Governor Pataki, despite and the Republican run Senate. The state will
from one semester to the next to harassment the Governor's contemptuous treatment of stu- be buying new electronic voting machines. As
from political operatives challenging the voting dent activists demonstrating in Albany. He Englebright describes the dispute, the
rights of every student appearing at the polls. warned that we need to be vigilant against back- Assembly wants to make sure that the machines
Mascher would later chime in with talk of sliding in student voting rights. produce a paper ballot, so that voters can make
understaffed polling places, prohibitively long Professor Norpoth was the last of the sure that their vote was counted correctly and
lines to vote, and horror stories from other experts to introduce himself. He began with his that fair recounts are possible. Englebright
SUNY schools, including unreasonable costs personal story of immigrating to the United said that he is afraid Senate Republicans will
charged for a polling place in Oswego and the States as an academic, and his decision to refuse the verifiable paper ballots, the deadline
grotesque gerrymandering splitting the Albany become a naturalized citizen and a voter after will pass to get the federal money, and then the
dormitories into separate election districts. having taught so much about elections in this Democrats in the Assembly will be accused of
Over the course of the event, Norpoth, country. He also fired a preemptive attack blowing the chance for $50 million and
Englebright and several audience members against easing the burden of registering to vote, obstructing government.
engaged in a sometimes heated debate over the a reform Mascher would later call for. In New Other topics discussed included a con-
efficacy of students voting in a block on campus, York, voters must be registered twenty five days troversial HAVA requirement that New York
as opposed to participate in elections from their before the election. Mascher and Norpoth would maintain one statewide list of registered voters,
home address. Englebright maintains that con- both cite from the complex, conflicting scholar- instead of sixty two county lists, the fusion
centrating the student vote on campus creates a ship on the effect of voting registration require- system where third parties can endorse
distinct voting block that sends a clear signal to ments. Norpoth talked about a study comparing Republican and Democratic candidates and the
policymakers in Albany. He cites personal North Dakota and South Dakota. He said that marketing brilliance and growing power of the
experience with his peers in government when since the two are similar states it is more valu- "Independence" party, which hugely pads its
he says that the visible numbers of students able to compare them than other states. North number of registered members with confused
concentrated in campus districts earns the Dakota has no requirements for voters to regis- voters who thought they were signing up with no
attention and respect of decision makers. ter in advance of elections, and election turnout party.

Page 2
Stony Brook Takes ver
Southham pton Marine Science Department
-By Rob Gilheany
Stony Brook University has acquired the Southampt6n. The Southampton Campus has Professor GObler said that he would have
famed marine science department of been losing money year in and year out. It was an office on both campuses. He said that his
Southampton College. Southampton College is hemorrhaging money by the millions year in research lab will continue to be on the
well respected in the marine sciences. The move and year out. The LIU board of trustees decid- Southampton campus. This is a clue of the future
by Stony Brook to obtain this program saved it ed to close the college. They did this with no land use of the Southampton campus. Many peo-
from an uncertain future. warning. They just dropped this on their stu- ple were active in making sure the land is used
dents, faculty and staff. Needless to say, a for educational purposes.
whole lot of people were upset. For the past several years, the
Students were planning and looking for- Southampton marine science department has
ward to studying and living at Southampton. been supported by the "For the Sea" concert that
Faculty were left to ponder their jobs. LIU said has been held on a field at the Southampton
they could not work out the financing of the campus. Well-known musical acts have come to
Southampton debt, and were not going to use play at this benefit. Some of the acts included
funds from their main campus to subsidize Paul Simon, Brian Wilson, and Jimmy Bufffet,
Southampton. Plans were made to transfer some among others. Maybe a variation of "For the
students and faculty to C.W. Post. Their plan Sea" can take place at Lavalle Stadium.
left the future of their Marine Sciences Chris GObler said that the biggest threat
Department in limbo. Their department has a to the environment is global warming and cli-
worldwide reputation. Stony Brook University mate change. The release of carbon dioxide
moved to acquire the department. This required though air pollution is making the, Earth's
an act by the state legislator and 35 million dol- atmosphere more retentive to the sun's rays.
lars was allocated for SBU to acquire the depart- Global warming will affect sea levels and change
ment. weather patterns. The melting of polar ice caps
Professor Chris G6bler is the head of the has affected the saliency of seawater in certain
Southampton marine sciences department. Prof, areas. This has been detrimental to marine
Gobler is very upbeat about the turn of events. mammals such as sea lions and dolphins.
He has done groundbreaking research on Brown Global warming is affecting Antarctica.
Tide. It is a win-win. Southampton's undergrad- Ice that has not melted in millions of years is
Last summer, Southampton College stu- uate program has a world-class reputation. It melting as you read this article.
dents and faculty got a bomb dropped on them has a water front facility with access to the Professor Chris G6bler was asked if he
by their parent Long Island University. LIU told Atlantic Ocean. felt there were going to be big extinctions this
their faculty and incoming students that they Stony Brook's Marine Science century. This question of extinctions is impor-
would no longer be accepting new undergradu- Department is in the top ten in the nation. tent. The major force driving extinctions is,
ate students. This effectively was a poison pill Together it creates a strong and unique pro- among other mitigating factors, habitat destruc-
for the campus. LIU has operated three campus- gram. The adding of the Southampton marine tion. Professor Gobler said, "Biological extinc-
es. Their main campus is at C.W. Post in science department is a great thing for Stony tions are already proceeding at an unprecedent-
Brookville, in Nassau County. LIU has two other Brook, and the faculty and students in the ed rate."
campuses, one in Brooklyn and another in Southampton department.

,'E'UIES .....
"E"-EH N
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Page 4
President Diana Acosta -
Good choice, everybody! Diana is staunchly opposed to the idea of
political parties and refuses to ally herself with known criminals! That's
good for any student government!

Executive Vice President Samuel Darguin -


One of the most motivated people in USG, Sam will do a great job as
EVP. Not only do you get Sam, but you also DON'T get that monster,
Richard Hsu fucking everything up! What a deal!

Treasurer Jackie Wu (CORE) -


Congratulations', CORE! You found a way to win! Run completely
unopposed! Out of a possible 2,196 votes, Jackie Wu got 1,304 votes. 892
students would rather have NO ONE as treasurer!

Vice President of Clubs and Organizations Ralph Thomas -


The closest race in the entire election; Ralph Thomas received 52%
of the vote and Francisco Narvaez received 48%. Francisco might have been
edged out because of his re-affiliation with the CORE Party.

Vice President of Academic Affairs Chinelo Onochie -


Um... ok!

Vice President of Student Life Romual Jean-Baptiste -


He did a decent job as Freshman Class Rep last year and we expect
him to put even more effort into his role as VP of Student Life.

Senior Class Representative Annlyn Bristol -


Annlyn should do a pretty decent job. She presented herself very
well at the debates but she's going into the job without ever having seen an
Executive Council meeting.

Junior Class Representative Kanika Jain -


Uh... also, ok!

Sophomore Class Representative Ana Hernandez -


You beat Michael Nacmias*, the candidate who had no idea as to what
his job would have entailed! Another CORE robot, Michael barely knew
where he was at the debates. Don't let us down, Ana.

Vice President of Communications

Runoff Election!
Nichole Reyes vs Victoria Yarisantos (CORE)

Show the student government how much you disapprove of


political parties hell-bent on supressing independent thought!

The CORE Party has demonstrated exactly how the


party system will ruin the student government so let's
show USG exactly how we feel about political parties.

Vote for Nichole Reyes for VP of


Communications on SOLAR right now!

Page 4
I - •
Another
Note
. onAhe
. .. COREPart

• J
We are ecstatic to see that both the CORE Party as well as the party system
in general were unequivocal failures in the elections. The only CORE Party mem-
bers that got elected were unopposed and even they had a shamefully low number
of votes cast for them.
Ever since the CORE Party climbed out of the filthy gutter that is Irfan
Syed's frontal lobe, they have done absolutely everything wrong. In fact, they have
failed on such a grandiose scale, that it almost defies description. But, alas...we
will try.
Just to reiterate, CORE founder Irfan Syed explained in detail to Press
Once again, everyone who ran for a Senate position was staffer Joe Filippazzo, exactly how he was going to unilaterally pass the CORE Laws
elected. Just for posterity, here are the names once again: and seize control of the student government. This is not behavior becoming of a
group of "richeous egalitarians." To date, one or more members of the CORE Party
Amy Catherine Wisnoski, has expressed feelings ranging from disdain to abject acrimony for the following
Jonathan Reichman (CORE), groups:
Enyu Shih (CORE),
Nigam Gunjan Vyas, Wiccans, females, African-Americans, Arabs, homosexuals, communists,
Aryeh Glas (CORE), socialists, anarchists, liberals, consumers of pork, and anyone with a facial pierc-
Amol Bhupendra Amin, ing.
Milap S Patel,
Natasha Patel, We are glad that they have failed and we are confident that they will con-
Tanzim Khan, tinue to fail until their unrepresentative, racist, intolerant regime dissolves com-
Marc Jared Gross (CORE), pletely.
Simardip Yingh Grewal, Just so everyone can keep a close eye on these jerks, here is a list of tenta-
Jaspreet Singh Toor, tive goals that one CORE Party member gave to TheStony Brook Press:
Ajay Pawar,
Walter Basil Sysak (CORE),
Alyssa Teresa Fasano, - Fight for equal and fair funding for cultural, religious and political groups
and Michael Cohen. - Stand up to groups that have muscled their way into a large percent of the budget
- Constitutional Reform
A clarification needs to be made about the last Senator - Create an investment and business team on campus
mentioned- Michael Cohen. Verification with several mem- - Make a Middle East Peace Seminar (specifically Israel/Palestine)
bers of the CORE Party, including CORE Presidential candi- - Create off campus interest leading to job placement for CORE members
date Ilan Nassimi, as well as an Elections Board member has - Recruit the top students for government positions under the core party ticket
revealed that Michael Cohen is indeed a member of the CORE - Make private CORE party events giving CORE members the opportunity to mingle
Party. Apparently, an error in the registration process, how- with business owners, politicians, and other powerful people
ever, didn't list him as such. - Possibly create a fraternity and buy a CORE house
But it already makes so much sense that Michael' is on - Newsletter
the CORE Party ticket. Already, he has subscibed to CORE's - Become a conglomerate organization to handle the affairs of smaller clubs
intimidation and harassment tactics. - Make an effort to go and understand every student group on campus
In our last issue, we ran a two-page elections spread
wherein we lauded the performances of specific Senators and
criticized others. Ironically, Michael Cohen was not even Apparently, transparency is not very high on CORE's list of priorities. I
mentioned in our comments, however, co-author Joe don't know how many other organizations have exclusionary practices and private
Filippazzo received this message from Mr. Cohen'sfacebook events as goals for the future but those "richeous egalitarians" in the CORE Party
account [name excluded for anonymity]: certainly do. Even the goals that sound like good ideas are the same things the
CORE Party has been screaming since its formation yet has completely failed to act
From:Mike Cohen upon in any respect. They are usually just careful to add words like "equal" and
To: Joe Filippazzo "fair" to their tirades in the hopes that people will forget all the things they have
Subject: wutup bro done to inhibit progress at Stony Brook University.
Message: ARE YOU GETTING BLOWN BY Thank you once again, for considering the issues and making an -informed
YOU FAGGOT decision about the USG candidates.
As a reminder, however, your work is not done. Even though good people
Similarly, co-author Mike Billings received the fol- were put into office, it is everyone's responsibility to ensure that these elected
Jowing: officials fulfill their promises and keep the students as their priority.
Also, the USG Senate still has unfilled seats. If you'd like to make your own
From: Mike Cohen contribution to the student government by getting involved and joining the Senate,
To: Mike Billings contact the USG suite today.
:Subject: wutup.dog
.. ·
Message: I HOPE YOUR GETTING BLOWN BY
YOU FAGGOT
_____
Wanna Know Where You
And if that wasn't enough, another Press staff writer, Can Stick Your Opinions?
Dustin Herlich-also received a message from Michael Cohen's
facebook account. [We apologize in advance for any offensive
language; the text is verbatim from the facebook message]: (hint: It Rhymes With
From: Mike Cohen "Stained-Glasshole")
To: Dustin Herlich
Subject: Concerned Jew with remote control
Message: Im gonna use that remote control to blow
up your room u fat rock throwing arab sand nigger
doon coon cocksucking faggot motherfucker, You'll
sbpress@
never get ass let alone see a vagina in your life you
arab fuckin rock throwing terrorist sand nigger
fuckin faggot, if i find out where you live...
ic.sunysb.edu
This is in no way acceptible behavior from any one, let
alone a student government Senator. We urge everyone to
start paying attention to USG. These people are handling your or website-it-up big time at
money. You have the power to prevent this type of discourse
by getting involved. Don't let the CORE Party be your voice
in the Senate.

www.thepress.info
- · -- I' I I
Page 5
the ston broo0

PRES Editorials
Editorial Board
the community- news and features Daoer

Executive Editor
Umm, where do we go from here?
Rob Pearsall

Managing Editor
Jowy Romano "Umm, has anybody started writing editorials?" every stale mama joke that the staff can muster, even
"I'll write one, whaddya want it on?" when he's nowhere to be found, comatose in his room
Associate Editor "I have no idea." after eighty hours of production. He is also responsi-
Joan Leong ble for any illegal acts taken in the end product, the
Thus begins a new era of incompetence at The paper and ink issue that, if one were so inclined to pur-
Business Manager Stony Brook Press. Rob Pearsall has no idea, as he says sue a lawsuit for libel suspected therein, Rob has to go
Melanie Donovan in his own words. I've taken him out of context of to court and possibly jail! The ever-grateful staff will
course, but as a seasoned union basement dweller, undoubtedly post bail in such a case, in a parallel
Production Manager that's my business. opposite universe populated by Bizarro people. No,
Michael Prazak The new executive editor/sub-commandante is they'll bake cakes with rasps and files in them so he can
now the lucky winner of the campus' second most make an escape. Not really. Not in a million years.
Photo Editors thankless job (the first most thankless job is being Incessant bitching and stupid questions about
Matt Willemain Godfrey Palaia)! He has no idea! He gets to spend hours, irrelevant things, the occasional death threat, and con-
Bill Lewis mostly on weekends, putting together the drivel and stant and perpetual sexual harassment are all the new
incomprehensible (yet informed and educated) articles chief has to look forward to. And sleep deprivation.
News Editors of the staff into a readable form, sacrificing nearly And keeping tabs on mindless drudgery in the student
Claudia Toloza every opportunity to blow off steam via acts of drunken government. And hatemail. And libel and slander.
David "Knockout" Ginn revelry and casual sex enjoyed by the rest of the stu- And the loss of his anal virginity. He has no idea.
dent body. So, the point of this editorial is to implore con-
Features Editor The respect of one's peers is earned through acts tributors and readers to address all grievances and
Nicole L. Barry of selflessness and dedication, service and good works. queries to the new Managing Editor, Jowy Romano, and
This statement is true insofar as it is not true at all. As to be nice to Rob Pearsall.
Copy Editors the new executive editor, Rob will become the target of Fuck Jowy. I'm sure he can take it.
Stephanie Hayes
Laura Positano
Jaquie Bachman

Webslinger
John Mascher

Minister of Archives
Joe Rios

Ombudsman
Mike Billings

Peasant Army
MattewAugustine Mike Nevradakis

i
James Blonde Jason Ng
Ben Bravmann Andrew Pernick
Philip Camacho Rachel Eagle Reitei
Sarah Cassone lan Rice.
Willy Cibinskas Justin Rowe
Tom Clark Tiffany Russo
Juliet DiFrenza Joey Safdia
Mike "Bublz" Fabbri Natalie Schultz
Vincent Festa Tom Senkus
Joe Filippazzo Jorge Sierra
Rob Gilheany Christine Tanaka
Sam Goldman Amberly Timperio
Tara Lynn Groth Lena Tumasyan
Paula Guy Marcel Votlucka
Jackie Hayes Brian Wasser
Dustin Herlich Meri Wayne
Daniel Hofer Morgan Wilding
Adam Kearney Chris Williams
'The Couri' LGome Brian Wong
Antony Lin Jessica Worthingto
Seth Maggiore Ed Zadorozny
Jamie Mignone
Ali Nazir

The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during the academic year and Wanna Know Where You Can Stick Your Opinions?
twice during summer session by The Stony Brook Press, a student run non-profit
organization funded by the Student Activity Fee. (Hint: It rhymes with "Stained-GIasshole")
The opinions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints
do not necessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook Press as a whole.
Advertising policy does not necessarily reflect editorial policy.
For more information on advertising and deadlines call (631)632-6451. sbpress@ic.sunysb.edu
Staff meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00 pm.
First copy free. For additional copies contact the Business Manager.
The Stony Brook Press or website-it-up big time at
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(631) 632-4137 Office Phone (631)632-6451 Voice Mail I
Page 6
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the community news and features paper __
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Page 7
-1be a mix of Cambodian and international judges Miguel Insulza is expected to be elected on
I nternational and prosecutors. Monday May 1s twhen the O.A.S meets to vote on
this issue. The election of Insulza as secretary
Will Spain Legalize Ecuadorian President Ousted general of the O.A.S is a commemorative event,
Same Sex Marriage? since this is the first time that a candidate who
Just days after issuing and was not initially supported by the United States
The lower house of the removing a state of emergency in will assume the position as secretary general.
SSpanish Parliament has voted to Ecuador President Lucio Gutierrez
legalize same sex marriage. The finds himself again facing severe
S bill also allows same sex couples to problems. On April 15, 2005 National
adopt children. If the bill passes President Lucio Gutierrez was
the upper house, Spain, which has forced to declare a state of emer-
traditionally been a Catholic country, will .gency after people poured into the streets National ID Card Bill Goes to Senate
become the third country in Europe to legalize protesting Gutierrez's dismantling the Supreme A
same sex marriage. Court, for the second time since elected into The Senate is set to vote on
However, many mayors and government power. After the mass protest that developed in the Real ID Act, which sets federal
officials oppose the bill and have vowed to Ecuador due to Gutierrez declaring a state of standards for drivers licenses and
refuse to comply with the law. The passing of emergency it seemed to Congress that Gutierrez makes it harder for immigrants to
this bill has sent the Catholic Church, who is had run his course as President. seek asylum in the US.
strongly against gay marriage, in an uproar. On April 20, after Congress had held a The bill gives the federal
Influential bishops and archbishops exhorted special meeting where they voted to remove government authority to maintain databases
mayors to break the law and refuse' to marry Gutierrez from power, President Lucio containing detailed information on citizens,
same sex couples, under the grounds that "one Gutierrez left the Presidential Palace. Gutierrez which will be linked to other databases in
has to obey God before man otherwise it will fled the Presidential Palace in a helicopter. Canada and Mexico. This includes information
lead to a totalitarian state." The archbishop of Angry protestors, who thought he was fleeing currently contained on drivers licenses as well
Barcelona went further, saying "If obeying the the country, took it upon themselves to close as any other kinds of information the
law comes before conscience, this leads to down Quito's international airport to prevent Department of Homeland Security sees fit. This
Auschwitz." Others' objections are more meas- his escape. To the demonstrators' delight could include retinal scans, fingerprints, and
ured. One mayor explained that while he does Gutierrez did not leave the country; however, he even DNA. The bill also provides for radio tags
not object to same sex couples having political was granted asylum at the Brazilian Embassy in on IDs which enable authorities to keep track of
equality, he opposes recognizing their unions as Quito. President Lucio Gutierrez has become the a person's movements.
legal marriages. third Ecuadorian President, following former The bill's supporters argue that its pro-
Despite objections from conservative Presidents Abdala Bucaram and Jamil ..Mahuad, visions will improve security and intelligence.
politicians and the Vatican, polls show that the to be removed from power in less than a decade. However, civil liberties groups point out that
majority of Spaniards support the legalization Replacing President Lucio Gutierrez will be the Real ID Act is flagrantly unconstitutional,
of same sex marriage. High government officials- Vice President Alfredo Palacio, who assumed recklessly invades people's privacy, and that
have vowed to crack down on civil officers who power soon after Gutierrez was-ousted. the databases and radio tags present the risk of
refuse to grant marriage licenses to same sex identity theft. Immigrant advocacy groups also
couples if the bill becomes, law. Is Plan Colombia Succeeding? claim that the bill is unfairly targeting immi-
This bill comes a time which is crucial grants by placing new barriers to asylum-seek-
to the Catholic Church, who recently appointed Five years ago the United States ers.
Benedict XVI as the new pope. Approval for the government initiated Plan House Republicans attached the Real ID
bill has not been finalized but just the fact that Colombia. This plan consisted in Act to an emergency spending bill including
it has been proposed indicates the decline of the allocating $3 billion in aid to train funding for the occupation in Iraq as well as for
Church in Europe. _the Colombian military in fighting tsunami relief. This is a common tactic intend-
the cultivation of coca plants. ed to lure legislators into voting for otherwise
UN Approves Trial for S Although the program has been dubious bills. Senate Democrats are poised to
Khmer Rouge Leaders successful in destroying many coca fields, by vote in favor of the bill; seeing how John Kerry
spraying a herbicide known as Roundup, the was hurt in his presidential campaign by alle-
The l United Nations has amount of drugs coming from Colombia has not gations that he was unsupportive of the troops,
given Cambodia the go-a-head to decreased substantially. There are mixed feel- Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid admitted
try the remaining leaders of the ings whether this program has been successful that Democrats may have to acquiesce to the Real
i Khmer Rouge, confirming that their or not. Some believe that simply spraying the ID Act whilst voting "yes" for the emergency
war court met international justice coca plants is not enough and that other tech- funding intended for the armed forces occupy-
standards. Although Khmer Rouge niques, such as uprooting the plants or using ing Iraq.
leader Pol Pot died in 1998, there are up to 10 stronger herbicides, should be used. The 'Bush
Khmer Rouge who are expected to be held administration, however, plans to ask Congress Infamous Abu Ghraib Guard
accountable in court for their involvement in to continue and increase aid for Plan Colombia Pleas for Reduced Sentance
the death of the 1.7 million Cambodians, who to another $743 million in addition to the $3
died of disease, starvation, forced labour, or billion that already has been spent. The 22 year old young
execution during Khmer Rouge rule, from 1975
to 1979. This trial has taken many years to get
to the courts, (thus allowing Pol Pot and many
others to escape trial for their part in the
Cambodian "killing fields"); as many former
Socialist Candidate to be Elected
as Head of the Organization
of American States
1 woman, Private Lynndie
England, who participated in the
Abu Ghraib prison scandal 2
years ago, took a plea deal in
order to reduce her sentence.
R.

Khmer Rouge members have held government Chilean Interior Minister Jos6 Private Lynndie R. England is
positions over the 26 years since the group was Miguel Insulza, a member of the most infamously remembered for a picture in
overthrown by Vietnam-backed rebels. The Socialist Party, is expected to be which she pointed at an Iraqi's prisoner geni-
current Cambodian PM, Hun Sen, is a former elected secretary general of the tals while she held him on a leash. England was
regiment commander, for example. Organization of American States set to be sentenced to 16 or more years of prison
No date has been set for the trial, but - .(O.A.S.). The United States had but she has agreed to a plea deal which will
enough money has been raised through UN originally backed Mexican Foreign reduce her sentence to a maximum of 11 years.
member pledges for the trial to go-ahead. Minister Luis Ernesto Derbez. Derbez dropped
Cambodia itself will contribute US$13 million out of the race after negotiations between
towards the court, estimated to cost US$56.3 Condoleezza Rice, Jose Miguel Insulza, Luis
million over three years. The special tribunals Ernesto Derbez and other South and Central
which will try the Khmer Rouge members will American officials took place April 29. Jose

Page 8
Local Lo a hotbed of Islamic terrorism. Jason is a graduate student here at the brook
and spent a year training to win the competition
(631) 249-2825 Senator Hilary Clinton's and come out ahead of the other 20 to 30 con-
Albany Antiwar Students Demonstrate Melville District Office testants.
Against Military Recruiters on Campus (631) 753-0978 Senator Charles Schumer's
Melville District Office Blackout Brings Out the Worst
Well over a hundred stu- (202) 863-8000 Democratic National
dents turned out for a demonstra- Committee, chaired by Howard Dean Tuesday April 2 6t h, half
tion at SUNY Albany, organized (631) 696-6500 Representative Tim Bishop's of the residence halls were left
by student antiwar activists, on Coram District Office with no electricity. Kelly, Tabler
April 21. The protesters asked (202) 456-1111 President George Bush's White and Roth quads were left in the
the University Administration to House comment line .dark until at about 11 pm Tuesday
kick military recruiters off cam- night. Within the first five min-
pus. It is illegal in New York for discriminato- Hotel on Campus, Death of Trees utes of darkness, many students began yelling
ry employers to recruit on campus. The "don't out obscenities from the Kelly quad balconies
ask, don't tell" policy banning open homosexu- Unknown to many stu- that could be heard from surrounding areas.
ality puts the military in violation of this law. dents, there is currently a pro- Students then began to perform extremely irre-
Albany University Administration responded posal to build a hotel on campus sponsible acts such as, setting garbage cans on
cautiously, because of a law passed in 1996, somewhere amongst the trees fire, exploding fireworks and drawing graffiti
known popularly as the Solomon Amendment, near the main entrance. There is on residence walls. There are also reports of
that allows the federal government to strip some very little information on the students streaking naked around Roth pond.
funding from schools that bar military specifics of this project due to The cause of the blackout, like many of the other
recruiters. The conflict between many states' lack of effort and desire, which is more than outages this year, is not clear. The immaturity
antidiscrimination laws and the Solomon law is likely on purpose. Shirley Strum Kenny has shown by the students is not shocking, but def-
playing out in the federal courts. Last summer, supposedly made her final decision to start initely disappointing. I hope in the future, stu-
the 3rd Circuit United States Court of Appeals construction on the hotel. This hotel is expect- dents can be more responsible and take into
ruled against the enforcement of the Solomon ed to cost around ten million dollars, and maybe consideration that what they are doing is fool-
Amendment, on the grounds that it violated the even more, which will deprive the budget of ish and dangerous.
First Amendment of the US Constitution. The money that could otherwise go to building much
legal question will probably be resolved, ulti- needed housing, better food services (I'd like The Roth Pond Regatta Strikes Again
mately, by the Supreme Court. The American some more free food!), and many other things
Council on Education has advised universities that this campus needs more than a hotel. This The 2005 Roth Pond Regatta was
follow the federal law and allow recruiters, in plan also causes problems for local hotels, like held on April 2 9th on a beautiful
spite of state anti-discrimination laws, until the Holiday Inn Express on route 347 and the sunny day. The Regatta is a tradi-
the courts have finished dealing with the prob- Three Village Inn, who should and may file law- tion at Stony Brook, where students
lem.. SUNY Albany demonstration organizers suits against the school. It is an outrage to find build boats and race each other in
will be meeting with that University's presi- out that our budget has been forfeited to cutting the Roth pond. Shirley Strum
dent, Kermit Hall, this week, and plan to fur- down trees, destroying a landscape, making a I . . . 1 1
Kenny caiis it, mne oest sporting
- 4"r .

ther express their concerns to the state SUNY useless building which will most likely be used event in America." Maybe not America but
administration. Anticipating the possibility of to house all those people that use our ballrooms more like the best in Stony Brook, or Roth quad.
stonewalling, organizers are considering a cam- in the SAC for random conferences and get the The Regatta brought out lots of students from
paign to appeal to alumni donors and a statewide free meals we should get, and more parking lots their dank dorms into the smell of barbeque and
SUNY walk out and student strike next Spring. which brings more cars, more ugly pavement dirty politics. Since there was only one day left
(instead of beautiful green grass and trees), and for USG elections, the candidates were out and
(631) 632-6265 Stony Brook University more traffic. Many students and faculty are about campaigning their hearts out. The regat-
President Shirley Strum Kenny very unhappy about this and are willing to at ta itself went pretty smoothly, the results of all
(518) 437-4900 University at Albany least try and do something about it by organiz- the winners should be posted soon at
President Kermit Hall ing a protest on Wednesday the 5th at 1pm, and http://rothregatta.org. The highlights of the
(518) 443-5355 Statewide SUNY Chancellor circulating a petition tie boat by Gang Green:
Robert King (Resigning this Summer) do something too! BE Ltal Club, and Hendrix
Kenny that you wanI completely of recycled
Clinton, Schumer and Dean Support spent! the GOP-unit made com-
Occupation of Iraq iblican love, and the Sci-
I-% A I III1 & - TTO 0- 4-
(631) 632-6265 Ston it which was an awesome
un April 1imte US Senate President Shirley Stri could not make it that
voted 99-0, with Hawaii's Daniel was a nice day for sink-
Inouye not voting, in favor of an SBU's Stroi id fun.
"emergency" supplemental spend-
ing bill (HR 1268), dedicating $83 You should r
billion, mostly to fund President the Stony Brook's St
Giot
e Rni sh' militarv nnpratinns~
Man Competition from
in Iraq and Afghanistan. The need for this weeks ago. It was he
money could have been easily anticipated dur- the SAC and we've g
ing the regular federal budget process. Funding, winner from it. Ja,
the occupation, New York Senators Hilary Macagnone is Sto:
Clinton and Chuck Schumer join Stony Brook's Brook's Strongest Mar
Congressman, Tim Bishop, who voted for the bill winning the competi-
in the House of Representatives. Separately, tion with a bench
Democratic Party National Chairman Howard press of 245 lbs in
Dean, whose recent presidential primary cam- his Delta Sigma Ph
paign attracted the support of many antiwar shirt. The contest wii
voters, endorsed the ongoing occupation. As ner was decided by
reported in the April 21 Minneapolis Star highest percentage
Tribune, Dean told the audience at a fundraiser what they lift to their
for the American Civil Liberties Union of weight. Jason weigh
Minnesota that, "we're there and we can't get 130 lbs and he lifted
out." Dean cited fears that a free Iraq would be giving us a percentag

Page 9
Creepy Nationalism Comes To SBU
By Brian Wasser
This article is bland, not too dissimilar to understand. And this is why I have no respect the ones least likely ever to emerge from their
from events coordinated by the Enduring for Mr. Rutter. I can't have respect for someone sheltered existed into a world where they act on
Freedom Alliance, not to be confused with the who exalts our policies simply because we have their principles. At least Rutter was the consis-
College Republicans, who organize different the most powerful military in the world, some- tent one there. That said, his influence has been
events; do not engage yourself with it in any one who idealizes battle and builds a wall of vastly more detriniental.
way. However, if you are young, naive and don't arrogance (creepy arrogance) just because they And yet, as stated, this is not intended
yet know the obvious-namely, the idiocy of a live in some kind of video game world where to be a review of Rutter's words-not because I
Republican's simplistic view of the world, and freedom isn't free, fighter-jet fantasies abound wasn't even allowed in until the end, but
the brimming rage they have for almost every- and war is fun. I hold no respect for someone because I want it to be as
one and everything around them-you should who then profits from
read this. At least, read it before the repetitive maintaining, for hims< ne as it is for
drone of their hollow incantations (e.g., oppos- ideological callowness e that there
ing the war and "supporting the troops" being exemplified by his e layers upon
mutually exclusive) creates for you your own admitted lack of inter- rrs of
stupefying hyperreality. est in learning the lan- )ocrisy. For
I do not intend, therefore, to comprehen- guage of the "liberat-' mple, the
sively report to you what happened when Scott ed," an interest that people who
Rutter brought his plastic, contrived slogan- would have saved a lot interrupting
spewing pomp into the SAC in the form of a of Iraqi lives) and, ers at the
PowerPoint presentation. Rather, I intend to s i m u ltaneo us y , 23 anti-war
warn you that, despite the excitement and spreading that propa- found them-
pageantry from the Republicans (I know the- ganda like a disease, fo luring Rutter's
Freedom Cupcakes were real but I can't figure his own personal gaii ;rammed spec-
out if the "I Love Capitalism" posters were a This is the same dogm ying that First
joke), this event is no different than anything tism, and these are 1 rights should
else you will see from them. If you can make it same war-loving, flag- fied during
through one, you've seen it all. If you can sit ing, history channel-w he list goes on:
through a movie about Reagan, you'll just hear socialism- misunde int during the
r
the same thing from Scott Rutter. This 'is what destructively self-right 23 d peace
will prove to be an accurate prediction of future nationalistic fantasies, lid P. Morales,
events. This predictability, rivaled only by the budding in the eyes y other Stony
uniformity in mind and appearance of the eight hearts of the students k police offi-
of them, combines with the emptiness of a blind, organized, attended physically
nationalistic fanfare, to explain the aforemen- supported this event. N >ve anyone
tioned blandness. In other words, this is not an one difference: I will put who expressed
angry rant (I wish I could say the same about money down that no one in the Enduring disagreement with the speaker, simply because
their reaction to the anti-war events), because I Freedom Alliance or the College Republicans said dissenter tried to inform others of blatant-
don't take these people seriously. I'm sure the will ever go fight in a war. That's rather ironic, ly available seats. To be fair, these select stu-
leaders they worship don't genuinely buy into considering the anti-war protestors, the ones dents were consistent in some ways. At both the
the makeshift ideological justifications (the who made it clear where they want the troops, "Leftist" event and theirs, they had the same
spreading of freedom) for their policies, so any- are the ones who were told to pick up a gun and look of rage in their eyes. I don't understand
one who buys into it is, in my mind, just really go to Iraq, lest they be hypocrites. The real why: if it wash't for us, they would have no
funny to watch. irony, therefore, is that the ones who shout the world view to viciously refute, and nothing,
What is serious is what they don't seem
HypCOREii ical
By Sam Goldman
Much has been made about the Council of friendly but contentious. I felt I impressed because they believe that the ends justify the
Righteous Egalitarians, or CORE for short. Their upon him that the kinds of tactics used by mem- means. They believe that they are fulfilling
presence has been the most divisive element in bers of his organization was uncalled for and their mission of gaining respect and monies for
the three years I've been associated with Stony that we would not support it. We ended the religious groups.
Brook University. meeting amicably, joking about how USG was Which, in and of itself, is fine. The way
Formed as a mechanism to get religious taking up so much of our time. they have gone about it, however, is hypocriti-
groups a piece of the $2 million dollar-plus At this juncture, Syed had a choice. cal, because it is, in fact, ungodly. You see,
Undergraduate Student Government budget, He could have listened to us and dropped religious people understand that sometimes the
CORE quickly grew in numbers. They were very the mudslinging tactics his group was using. end doesn't justify the means. That peace can-
well-liked by many people, including, at one That was really all he had to do. Although we not be derived from war. That power cannot be
point, members of the newspaper you hold in disagree with CORE on EOP and other issues, we achieved through hate. In enacting this smear
your hands. could very easily have found a way to coexist; campaign in the name of religious clubs, they
Esam al-Shareffi, who at that time was after all,. I knew Lubicich's stance on EOP since are spitting on the very tenets that those reli-
USG Vice President, was doing very poorly at his the summer of 2003 and, while I disagreed with gions teach.
position. He was being vilified anonymously on it, he was still welcome What religion
StonyBrookSucks.com, which in and of itself is in our offices and wel- would endorse some-
fine. However, several posts there included come to write articles one calling someone
remarks about his ethnic background, which is for us. Contrary to pop- else a rapist in front
not fine. In addition, two articles by Hsu and ular belief, there is no of a packed room of
Thompson were published anonymously in The member of The Press people for the sole
Press; Thompson's article originally had as its who will not agree to a reason of embarrass-
title "From Baghdad to Stony Brook," which was respectful debate about ing and defaming him?
changed by the editors (yes, I did feel that both anything, and we have What religion would
articles were okay to print, however, The Press debates in our office endorse attacking a
and I made a mistake by allowing the use of more than people may person's ethnic back-
pseudonyms for both articles). al-Shareffi think. Working togeth- ground just because
would eventually resign rather than be used for er, we could have done so they don't agree with
target practice. much good in the stu- your political view-
Irfan Syed, the founder of the group, dent government. points? What religion
achieved the group's goal of funding for reli- Instead, he chose would endorse threat-
gious groups by bulldozing through legislation to actually step up CORE's "scorched earth" ening someone who doesn't agree with your
to that effect. That victory achieved, CORE con- policy, and point their guns at us. They began political viewpoint with physical violence?
tinued to gain steam and new members, and con- calling us "liberal fascists." They jumped into What religion would endorse giving the finger to
tinued to effect changes in USG. But many felt bed with an organization that not only hated The the financially disadvantaged? Sure, The Press
that they were becoming much too destructive in Pressand EOP but happened to crave respect in makes fun of religion mercilessly and has
their methods. In addition, they were joined by student politics more than anything else in the staffers who are and maintain friendships with
Greg Lubicich, who has, for some time, believed world: the College Republicans, who chipped in people who are (unfortunately) thought by some
in a theory that SBU Vice President of Student by launching a conservative newspaper)which, to be sinners; the difference is that CORE pro-
Affairs Fred Preston would get students in the in its first issue, featured an article which was fesses itself to be the champion of religious
Equal Opportunity Program into student gov- nothing less than verbal fellatio on Richard Hsu. clubs. CORE, in their attempts to gain a voice
ernment, and they, in turn, would do his bid- Things have gotten so bad that recently, CORE for religious clubs and conservatives through
ding, as a method of controlling the student member Vince Rasulo spent the night in jail on nothing less than the dissemination of fear and
body. Syed and his group, came to believe and harassment charges after threatening Joe hatred throughout this campus, has defiled the
trust Lubicich, and CORE began to viciously Filippazzo with physical violence. In the mean- religious clubs they claim to represent. While
attack EOP whenever the opportunity presented time, CORE continued its attacks on EOP, they do not mean to be purposefully evil, evil
itself. NYPIRG, and The Press, among others, unabated. they are nonetheless. And any religious club
Finally, after attacks on NYPIRG, and that actually supports these actions, in my eyes,
Press staffer Chris Williams, among others, The * * * * * has become a sacrilegious club.
Press had had enough. I wiote an editorial, I do not know what will happen next
entitled "Come One, Come All to The USG It's important to remember that CORE's year. I do know that, whatever happens, things
Circus," where I wrote down what me, Joe original mission - to advance the causes of reli- will be okay in the end. You see, I believe in
Filippazzo, Dustin Herliqh and Mike Billings gious groups - is advancing the cause of free God, and I believe that He knows when His name
were thinking for a while and still believe: that speech, whether you actually believe religious and His beliefs are used in ways that He would
the smear campaigns - against NYPIRG, against groups should be funded by USG or not. It's find unsatisfactory, and that He will enact ret-
EOP, against everyone, had to stop. Period. important to remember that religious groups ribution, in this life or the next. And CORE's
After the December editorial came out, I and conservatives are entitled to the same rep- humiliating defeat in the student government
ended up having a one-on-one conversation with resentation as any other group on campus. It's elections this past weekend is just the begin-
Irfan Syed after an Executive Council meeting. equally important to realize that CORE has ning.
We talked for, I would say, a half-hour. It was engineered a smear campaign quite simply
;
Sholay- Cultural Show 2 05
By Joan Leong
Last Saturday night, the South Asian Banks did a rendition of the Sugarhill Gang's al. I ducked out of the next performance
Student Alliance (SASA) awed the students of "Apache"). "Kemosabe, Jump on it! Jump on it!" because I had to pee. The Desi Sungama per-
Stony Brook with their annual Cultural Show. I thought it was pretty hilarious and they had formance had very elaborate pink and white
My second-rate Indian interpreter Deep and I letters taped to their butts but I was too busy costumes and I really enjoyed it. I fell in love
waited impatiently for the show to start due to laughing to make it out. Virsa Punjab Da was the with one of the girls, Nasrin Akter, because she
minor technical problems but it was well worth next feature to follow and my favorite. First of was just adorable. I wanted to hug her after the
it. The President of SASA, Royce Joseph came all, the costumes were amazingly done; it was an show but I could not find her. Anyway, the rest
out first and got the crowd excited and intro- array of colors- gorgeous silks and carefully of the show continuously had fabulous dance
duced the first ner- nlaced gold seouins. They depicted a routines and the costumes were still very
former. It was typical Punjabi village scene and detailed and impressive. The finale was per-
Christopher Samaria incorporated Bhangra dance formed by the
who did a fairly decent moves to mimic everyday Bhangra Team of
job playing "The life. The guys and girls of Stony Brook. It
National Anthem" on this performance have my was extremely
the electric guitar. utmost respect b-ecause they professional and
Next there was a per- obviously worked really well coordinated
formance called hard and it showed. With so the entire
Jazbah, a classic the very eye-captivating audience went
Indian dance which dance moves and beautiful wild.
uses modern music costumes, I truly enjoyed I caught
such as popular hip- every aspect of this act. up with the Vice-
hop hits. The two girls The next perform- President of
creatively mixed tra- ance was two girls and a boy SASA, Sadia
ditional and contempo- singing something in Arshad, and she
rary ideas into a well- Indian. I brought along my would like to
done performance. supposedly Indian speaking extend her sin-
Naach was the third friend, Deep, so he could cerest thanks to
act, featuring six girls dressed up in colorful interpret for me but he was of no use. He said Sabina, Faizan and Ammara who stayed up all
scarves. The girls gracefully pulled off a very something about two girls fighting over a guy, hours of the night to finish power points and
coordinated dance without any malfunctions. I but I pretty much got that because the two girls deadlines. She also wants to thank the e-board,
thought it was cute how they managed to keep a were both grabbing one guy. Ultsavam - The Liz for the brochure, the show coordinators and
permanent smile on their faces because if it was Festival had a billion people filling up the stage everyone-else involved. I would like to thank
me up there, I would be gasping for air. So, and there were a lot going on. Two bare-chest- Royce Joseph, the dashing President, for getting
kudos ladies. ed sword fighters demonstrated the martial arts The Press in at the last minute. I would defi-
A particularly funny performance was (Kalaripayattu) of South Asia. There was a boat nitely go again next year. The show sold out this
called Dynamix where some boys were dressed race on stage between two groups and at the end year and last year, and you can bet it will sell
in Punjabi attires. It was serious dancing at was just a blur of color. The girls and guys were out next year. The show was entirely enjoyable
first but they launched into a dance from Fresh all in brightly colored garments and walked and a testament to the strength and unity of the
Prince of Bel-Air (the one in which Carlton together in a large circle which was a cool visu-
·
South Asian students on this campus.

Welcome to the Monoculture The Stony


For those of you who haven't heard,
By Matthew Weinberger
Haven Mall that opened recently that makes its
Brook Press
CNN.com reports that video game retailer trade by sexualizing eight-year-olds, stuffing
GameStop is set to buy their rival Electronics them into midriff-bearing shirts and glittery
Boutique for $1.44 billion in cash and stock. makeup at birthday parties and taping them
Now, I know this ain't as pressing or important gyrating seductively to Top 40 hits' as a sou-
as, well, anything else, but there is a point here, venir to take home to their families. This is the
so bear with me. world we've created, where the only goddamn
What this means is that the Smith Haven original idea we've had is to mass-market bor-
Mall will soon have no less than three derline pedophilia. Pretty soon, even that will
GameStops, two of which will only be a couple of be a national franchise, I'm sure. We'll have to
doors down from each other. If you're wondering move on to other completely horrid ideas.
what the hell the sense in that is, the simple Personally, I'm holding out for the Swanburger,
answer is that there is none. The slightly more but that's me.
complex (and angry) answer is because they We're constantly going to take other peo-
know they can get away with it. It's been sup- ple's cultures, recast them so they have an-
porting two GameStops, one EB, one FYE, one ahem-wider appeal, and crap them back out and
other movie/game store whose name I can't make the rest of the world fall in step with us
remember, and a Sears. If you want your copy of (Anime, anyone?).
Extreme Putting on of Hats or Sim Toilet, you So what happened? How'd we get here?
have a lot of choices. Usually, logic would dic- Well, to put it bluntly, that reason would be
tate that at the very least one of the redundant you. Well, I mean, not you, you, but all of those
stores would close, but no. No, you get a lot of who patronize chain stores, franchises, national Where all the
places selling the same thing. How could this movie theaters-hell, all of you who watch MTVU
happen? Where's the demand? It's obviously
gotta be there.
(it's like regular MTV, only with completely
random subliminal imagery!)-are helping this
lonely women are.
Welcome to the monoculture. along quite nicely.
What's a monoculture? Look at the word I'm a little worried by this point that I'm
and think real hard. Around the world, every-
one is eating the same burgers, drinking the
giving the wrong impression. There's a lot of
good on this ticket, but there's pure fucking evil Meetings
same sodas, and watching the same movies. As
time goes on, it only becomes more apparent.
too. As it stands, a global culture will be a real-
ity before the century hits its midway point. Wednesdays
Things like the whole situation I ran down above It's just a matter of awareness. If you don't like
are a major symptom of it-every mall becomes it, then change it. It's up to each and everyý one I pm
at
infested- with the same goddamn chain ,stores of us to decide how we want our world to be. Just
selling the same crap at the same inflated
prices. Every once in a while, there'll be some-
don't whine about it later. Union room 060
thing different-like the store in the Smith

Page 12
My Life InThe West Bant
By Sarah Shapil
My life in the West Bank is a life in its let me through because of my Arabic name. I
own. I have learned so many lessons and wit- excuse was that, unless I was with the UN,
nessed so many things that have made me older didn't matter what passport I had, I was stu
in so many different ways. It amuses me when there.
people criticize the situation from the outer It was hot, and the sun was blazing at i
world of the Middle East. leaving me more anxious to get out of that he
I find it interesting to hear people's hole. The checkpoint was in front of a glass fa
views on a situation they have never been tory, which was one of the few things open, sin
through. It's so much easier to form an image or they provided drinks and a shady place for t
a storyline for a situation you only hear about soldiers. They became somewhat acquaint
from CNN and Fox News. It's so simplified from and allowed the factory to stay open during ci
the reality. In my opinion, it's the most com- few. Some workers offered me a chair and wat
plex situation in the world today. It's a story and I decided I would stay there till the ne
about a discriminated people trying to build a shift came when I could beg their soldiers to
home of their own. The complication arises me leave. Finally, one of the men that worked
when the home they want is already occupied. I the factory told me of a secret dirt road, whi
can sympathize with both sides in certain would lead me to these hills to get to the oti
d f
aspects, yet they have faults as well. Sometimes, LWII. I WCL3
a•I froc id •11.. J1
tld
LUIU 111,
I
. WVUU.I UV t
111

the victim-takes advantage of his position to as long as I didn't run because there was a man
conquer more, which in my opinion, is what the who got shot the day before because he tried to
Israelis have done. They saw the whole world run it.
sympathetic to their situation hereby using that I was scared, but I was desperate to get
synipathy to gain power to take over a country out. So, I decided I would sneak away when they
and make it their own. As I have witnessed it, weren't paying attention.
the Palestinians (who are mostly an agricultur- I got half-way down the hill, when I
al people with some trade occurring) are fight- heard someone screaming. I turned around and
ers against this occupation. saw him calling me with his rifle pointed
My father's family is made of refugees towards me. I was stuck. I wanted to get out of
from Jerusalem, and they currently reside in there desperately, but now it was almost costing
Hebron in the West Bank. They have a deep me my life. I stood there reluctant hoping he
hatred for Jews, and so did I, until one summer. would get sick of me and let me go, but he stood
My mother came to visit me and informed there just as reluctant as I was. One of his
me that she was herself a Jew, while I was telling buddy soldiers came to stand by him, in case I
her of my bred hatred towards the Jews. This was a hazard that needed more than one rifle.
informative piece of knowledge led me through I stood there desperately thinking of
an identity crisis. I wasn't sure what I was any- how I would be stuck in this land of misery for-
more. My cousin, who had an older brother sta- ever. I finally gave up and walked up that steep
tus to me, was just brutally killed by Israelis in strenuous hill. When I reached him he yelled al
a mAalA©e. Israel and Israelis were something me asking me where the hell I thought I was
we didn't know much about. We just knew that going. My strength was drained between him
these were the people who were oppressing us, and the heat. I was weak, and I burst into tears
taking away our jobs, crucifying us of equal begging him to let me go...that I wasn't from
rights, killing our people without mercy, hiding here...I shouldn't have even been here, and I jusi
explosive toys in our playgrounds, preventing wanted to go back to America...and that's all I
our pregnant women from passing checkpoints wanted. He looked at me for the first time with
because of curfews, forcing these women to give sympathy, but told me he still was not allowed
birth without medical help. to let me pass. All of a sudden, a light bulb lil
The racism that goes on in Israel is the up in my head. I remembered I had my Stony
worst I've' seen in my lifetime. On a personal Brook ID, which has my mother's last name on ii
account, two summers ago, I made a trip to the as well. I asked him what if I was a Jew. He
West Bank to visit miiy Dad's family. During that laughed and told me if I was a Jew I wouldn'i
summer, things were very heated because of the even be there.
notorious Rentisi from Gaza. There was a curfew I smirked and said, "Well, you know
practically' everywhere in the West Bank, which what? I am a Jew."
meant that you were prohibited from wandering He looked at me like I had lost all my
around anywhere outside of the perimeters of wits. I dug into my bag, and I found my ID card.
your backyard basically. I got fed up being in I showed it to him.
Hebron, since I wasn't even allowed to leave the "You see? Shapiro. Now, you can't gei
house. Me being so used to NY, I couldn't han- any more Jewish than that, and my grandmothei
dle the standing of time and absolute emptiness is a Goldstein!"
these people had to endure for a lifetime. So, I I mentioned every detail of the Jewish
packed my things hoping to get to Jerusalem, life I hadn't lived that I could think of. He
where I could stay with an aunt until I had to go looked at me confused. I offered him my cell
back to NY. phone to call my mother in NY and ask her abou
As I arrived to the checkpoint on the me. He was dumbfounded, and he could barely
main road between Hebron and Jerusalem, there look at me anymore.
was barely any life, except for about seven sol- He shook his head and yelled at me
diers on the ground and a big tank with two sol- annoyed, "Leave, just leave, get out of here! Go!'
diers in it. In front of me was an old lady from I ran across the checkpoint to get to the
a different village with her three daughters, and other side. The old lady, amazed, looked at m(
they were trying to get back to their town with- as I ran by and shouted out loud in Arabic, "Nov
out luck. The woman complained she had how in the world did you ever convince him tc
nowhere to stay here, and she needed to get back let you through?"
to her town, but the soldier ignored her and told I just kept running of fear he wouli
her to leave him alone- it wasn't his problem. I change his mind. I ran with the biggest naiv<
felt special because I knew I was going to go smile on my face. I was bemused because I ha(
right through with my American passport, and won a battle against armed soldiers just becaus<
those four ladies would look up to me in awe and of my mother's silly name.
recognize me as a privileged person.
I walked up to the soldier and showed
him my passport impatiently waiting for him to
let me through. To my surprise, he refused to
Is Our Criminal usceSystm Re<illy
-
Protec ng Us From Han m?
By Steve Deaner
A report by the United States Justice nothing about it because it would cost money to average in this country, 15,000 deaths a year
Department came out this week saying that the right the situation. The fact that these managers can be attributed to unnecessary surgery.
incarceration rate for the United States rose by and executives know they are putting their Compare that with the fact that, on average,
2.3 percent last year. By mid 2004, there were workers at risk is criminal. When a person 1,700 murders in this country are committed by
2.1 million people in jails across the country, a takes a job at one of these factories or business- a cutting or stabbing instrument. Who really is
number that is surely higher today. As I read es, they go into work with the idea that every more of a danger to society as a whole. Is it the
this report, I began to wonder whether putting safety precaution possible is taken to ensure knife-wielding criminals who kill 1,700 people
all these people in jail is really making this their safety. Instead, safety measures and the a year, or the illegitimate doctor who kills
country safer. Is our criminal justice system money put toward them are often the first thing 15,000 people a year due to unnecessary sur-
prosecuting the right people and the right to be cut from the budget. Knowingly putting a gery? Don't forget the fact that these 15,000
crimes to truly make us safer? The whole point worker at risk like this is akin to murdering people paid for their death. The problem again
of the criminal justice system is to make the them. As a manager or executive, if you know is that these illegitimate doctors are driven by
public more safe and secure. Many people, espe- the working environment of your employees is the almighty dollar. They prescribe surgeries
cially politicians and law enforcement, are of hazardous to their health, then it is the execu- and medicines not because the people actually
the belief that more people in jail must mean tive's responsibility to make the workplace need them but because they want to make as
that as a society we are safer. This logic is safe. By doingnothing, you might as well be much money as they possibly can. How is this
extremely faulty, however. Our criminal justice stabbing them with a knife in the back. At least doctor any different then a bank robber who
system, prosecutes less harmful crimes more that type of death is less painful and shorter kills the bank teller in an attempt to rob them
harshlyi then other, more deadly crimes. The then death by cancer, which can last several of their money? 'Maybe if the criminal justice
.war we are waging on crime is aimed predomi- excruciating years. system oversaw and prosecuted medical mal-
nantly tatmore blue collar, "poor people crimes" practice instead of say drug crimes this country
such as burglary and drug possession, While really would be a safer place to live.
white collar, "rich people" crimes that actually A third area the criminal justice system
harm more people are overlooked. Crimes such overlooks is the environment and the people who
as cutting back safety regulations and safety do their best to pollute it and make us sick.
funding for the workplace, medical malpractice, According to the American Cancer Society,
and environmental overlook are rarely, if ever, 555,000 deaths a year are caused by cancer.
prosecuted. In fact, the cutting back of emis- Most researchers agree that between 70 and 90
sions regulations under the Bush administra- percent of these cancers are due to environmen-
tion isn't even considered criminal even though tal factor. That means that if the criminal jus-
it is fair to say that this policy kills more peo- tice system made and prosecuted laws that were
ple in this country in a single year then homi- aimed at protecting and cleaning the environ-
cide. Our prisons are now overcrowded with ment that 350,000 lives could be saved. I sug-
drug offenders who harmed no one else but gest that our justice system make up a deck of
themselves for the most part, and one on one cards just like they did for the war on terror
criminals who harmed a few people while people with the most environmentally unfriendly peo-
responsible for hundreds to thousands of deaths ple as the Ace and King, that way whenever you
are left practically unpunished. come across them you could call the proper
Our criminal justice system completely authorities and have them sent to Guantanamo
overlooks corporations and their executives who Bay, Cuba. In my deck of cards; the Ace would
cause tens of thousands of injuries and deaths a be Ronald Reagan and the King would be George
year because of hazardous working conditions. W. Bush. Or maybe Bush should be the Joker.
For the year 2000, the U.S. Department of Anyway, the effects of Reagan and Bushes envi-
Labor's Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that ronmental policies have led to-the environment
there were approximately 50,000 deaths in the becoming more polluted then it already was and
workplace due to occupational disease. In com- Another area that the criminal justice led to countless numbers of deaths that could
parison, the number of people in the year 2000 system often overlooks is the hospital. The have been avoided. The Reagan Administration
killed by criminal acts was 15,500. These dis- Journal of the American Medical Association slowed down the enforcement of the
eases, such as cancer, are directly attributable. estimates that every year in this country, Environmental Protection Agencies regulations.
to such conditions as miners breathing in high approximately 225,000 deaths a year are due to He also tried to cut the EPA's budget by 45 per-
amounts' of coal dust and factory workers medical treatment. Now, I am in no way, shape, cent and he did cut it's staff by 25 percent. By
breathing in textile dust or asbestos fibers. The or form attacking the legitimate members of the not enforcing EPA regulations and making them
reason why such hazardous conditions exist is medical profession. I spent many years of my stronger, thousands of people were sacrificed to
because executives and managers of these cor- life in and out of a hospital and I appreciate how diseases such as cancer. Reagan and his admin-
porations and businesses want to make a profit. difficult a doctor's job is. Many people are going istration should have been held accountable for
It costs a lot of money to have a completely safe to die in a hospital, and many of the deaths are these deaths. The president and his staff knew
ixrorlr ntr7rnrnmPnnt wxIh=Pre tnvcii nh tonr' nrp in no wav the dointor's fault at all However_ abhout the dansers of air nollution and how it can
Is Our Criminal 3usce Syst Re 31m?
illy
Protecting Us From Har m?
By Steve Deaner
not even in the same b.allpark as environmental criminal could ever do! These doctors, busi-
pollution or medical malpractice when it comes nessmen, and politicians are responsible for
to clean up the environment properly. The fol- to the harm heaped onto society. In general, thousands more deaths a year than the poor
lies of George W. Bushes environmental policy people in jail for drug possession are upstand- criminals.
are well known. Big business, such as the oil ing members of society in most other ways. The The media also plays a part in our twist-
business, are in the back pocket of our presi- fact they are thrown in jail for drug use is not ed criminal justice system. The crimes of the
dent. Bush continually lowers emissions stan- because drug use is more harmful to society elite and powerful would be prosecuted more if
dards for big business because he was once one then the three examples I used, it is because the the media would pay more attention to them.
of these big businessmen. He knows full well the criminal justice system singles out these drug Instead, we get shows like COPS that only shows
high cost of having lower amounts of emissions. users and they are gone after much more fever- the poor criminals in this country. The news
Instead of saving people by cleaning up the air ishly. The people in charge of the criminal jus- media also concentrates more on the poor crim-
and the rest of the environment, Bush sacrifices tice system are all rich, powerful people. To inal then the elite criminal. In our news, we are
the health of the citizens of this country for the keep themselves in power, it makes sense that flooded with stories about murder and kidnap-
profits of wealthy businessmen. Maybe Bush they would want the people of this country to pings. There is no denying these crimes are hor-
should be sent to Gitmo instead of Al-Qaeda. His believe that the worst crime comes from the rible and should be reported on, but they
environmental policy has caused more deaths poor, ethnic section of society. That is why most should not be the only crimes reported on.
per year then al-Qaeda ever will. laws are aimed at this segment of society. Not Where are all the hard hitting exposes on med-
These three examples are meant to show because they do more harm, but because they ical malpractice, dangerous working conditions,
that our criminal justice system does not pros- are the easy scapegoat for the problems of soci- or the environment and its effect on health? The
ecute the most harmful crimes in this country ety. The rich, powerful people do more harm to news media will tell you that those stories sim-
as much as they prosecute drug crimes or one on society then any poor person could ever do. ply do not sell and are not profitable. Again,
one crimes. The crimes committed by workplace Their harm goes unnoticed because they are the profit gets in the way of truth. The news media
managers and executives, illegitimate doctors, ones in control of the criminal justice system. should report on what really needs changing in
and even our own politicians, are much more By putting poor people in jail, the powerful elite society, but instead they only report on what
deadly and harmful to society then any other in society make their power seem legitimate. will get the most viewers. People in society are
crimes that are currently the focus of the crim- They are able to point to the overcrowded jails more interested in quick, shocking crimes such
inal justice system. The fact that a person in this country and show the American public as murder and are not as interested in crimes
caught with marijuana is punished more harsh- that the poor must be the ones to be feared that take a long time to play themselves out. We
ly by our criminal justice system then a big oil because they are the ones in jail. In reality, they as a society need to be more responsible for
businessman who does not follow emissions are only in jail because the justice system sin- what we watch and we must demand that the
standards and pollutes the environment is just gles their crimes out and blames all the ills of media and criminal justice system pay more
wrong. The whole point of our justice system is society on them. How else can you explain the attention to the real harmful crimes of society
to protect society for the most harmful and examples from earlier that show that the elite in instead of just the crimes that shock us and
deadly acts. As I have shown, taking drugs is this society often do more harm than .any poor draw more viewers.

3.75 OZ: MFA First-Year Exhibit ion


By Natalie Schultz
Unbeknownst to many students, Stony show enables all members of the campus com- by Rorschach Tests, enabling the viewer to
Brook is able to boast of having four art gal- munity and beyond to witness first-hand the interpret them in his/her own way. His medi-
leries on campus. For a university renowned for diversity of work created by Stony Brook's tal- um of pencil on recycled office paper aims to
its strength in the sciences, the presence of four ented MFA students. show that art can be created by anyone using
galleries on campus attests to the importance of In anticipation of this show, I was invit- any available medium; that one does not need
the arts in any well-rounded liberal arts educa- ed by Professor Toby Buonagurio to meet with top-of-the-line artist supplies to create art.
tion. Just this past year the fourth and latest each of the first-year MFA students to view Many of his drawings point out the waste that we
gallery, created specifically for some of their latest work and as a society create; by using paper that would
the exhibition of undergraduate discuss what drives them. I otherwise be thrown out or shredded, his cre-
art students' work onpned in was
. %. "4 nuite
.. .... imnressed . . , hv
...._ . . . . % . the
... . ativity thrives without the guilt of harming the
Tabler Quad. The large gallery diverse repertoire as, well as environment. Much like the Dadaist work of
in the Staller Center exhibits the diverse backgrounds of Marcel Duchamp, the work of T.J. Maher fights
Masters of Fine Arts (MFA) the artists. Although Stony the trend of what many in the art world consid-
Thesis shows, undergraduate Brook is not well-known as an er "real" or aesthetically pleasing art. Instead,
Senior shows and curated shows art school, the majority of stu- just like Duchamp, Maher aims to instigate the
presenting the work of estab- dents received their Bachelor viewer, to make people think. For Maher, the
lished artists. The gallery in of Fine Arts (BFA) from interpretation of the viewer is just as important,
the Student Activity Center renowned art institutions; if not more so, than the artwork itself.
holds curated shows as well, this fact alone proves that Karsten Grumstrup presented me with a
but is most famous for its year- even a school renowned for its few of his graphic black and white marker
ly presentation of the scientific research can attract drawings. Raised in rural Nevada, his time
Undergraduate Research and an artistically accomplished spent as a small town plumber shows itself in
Creative Activities (URECA) studeht body. some of his drawings. His work is very graphic;
exhibit, which just closed on I found my meeting with it has a commercial art quality aesthetic, uti-
April 28th. these students very interest- lizing hard, defined edges. Grumstrup's work is
The gallery most famil- ing; therefore it is my hope to random, created on impulse; he begins his
iar to the students on campus is entice readers into going to drawings without a plan and as they progress
the Main Library gallery, locat- see this show during its run they begin to tell a story, although Grumstrup
ed between the Commuter by giving you a glimpse into himself prefers that the viewer decide what it is
Lounge and the hallway leading the little-known world of that the story tells. Not inclined to produce
to the SINC Site on the first Stony Brook's South Campus work specifically for a show, what Karsten
floor foyer. This is the MFA art studios. Grumstrup will be exhibiting during 3.75 oz
gallery and it showcases the As I entered the studio will be a surprise to us all.
work of individual second-year MFA candidates space of T.J. Maher I was presented with a wide The work of Tim Murray focuses on lan-
throughout the year. Beginning May 3rd and array of child-like drawings scattered in a ran- guage and how it separates people as opposed to
running through May 18th, this gallery will be dom pattern on the floor. Maher, who received uniting them. With a background in printmak-
showcasing the work of all eight first-year MFA his BFA from Cooper Union,. is currently ing, Murray received his MA in Art from C.W.
students, presented by the Fine Arts exploring the relationship of art to everyday
Department. Titled 3.75 oz, this intriguing life. His child-like "doodles" were influenced

Page 15
3.75 OZ: MFA FirstYear Exhibit ion
By Natalie Schultz
formance installations. For 3.75 oz, Freiberger Another piece is a box that the viewer peers
will be inside of a giant balloon that she creat- into through a pin-hole to view a video of the
rost ana taugnt nign scnool art for a wniie; reel- ed out of interfacing and she will be writing on artist trapped inside. "12 Hours" is an aural
ing too restricted, he is now pursuing his MFA the inner walls of this cocoon, the audience able piece expressing the 12-hour flight from Japan
here at Stony Brook and he teaches art part-time to view her in shadow form. Freiberger says to New York. The work of Ide is very diverse,
at Nassau Community College. Murray present- that she misses the intensity of sculpting mar- but always very powerful; whether in the form
ed me with a bound book that he created; he ble, which she does in her native Brazil. Rather of video, public installation, or sculpture.
explained that he likes old bound books, but he than working with traditional hand-tools, she Alton Falcone utilizes the medium of
feels that the written word, just like language uses heavy machinery to carve away the stone; sculpture to create his organic forms. With a
itself, creates a communication barrier. she likes the intensity of the machine's power; background in philosophy, Falcone spent ten
Utilizing his printmaking skills, Murray prints to take control of such powerful machinery and years in Italy running an art gallery and
images upon the written pages of a book. The force it to do what she Wants it to feels liberat- sculpting in plaster and bronze. Here at Stony
point is to create an "anti-urge;" to take away ing. The end result of her intense marble-carv- Brook, Falcone instills a sense of community
the urge to read the text and instead focus on ing sessions are beautiful, soft, sensual pieces through art; he was the primary facilitator of
the imagery. Murray believes that in the future exuding femininity. Often combining her mar- the "Art Healing Space" exhibit, enabling his
we will rely on visual communication as ble sculptures with her own body or the bodies introductory sculpture students to participate
opposed to the written communication of lan- of other women, the final work is a beautiful, first-hand by creating the lotus flowers that
guage. moving sight to behold. were set free during the ceremony. Falcone
Melanie Gerules creates still-lifes with prefers to use easily found objects as his pri-
a realistic, subjective twist. In a world of digi- mary sculptural medium. During the fall
tal and photo-realistic perfection it is refresh- semester he created organic forms out of chick-
ing to be able to see the hand of the artist that en wire and he is currently focusing on recy-
has painted an otherwise ordinary still-life. cling used wooden pallets and giving them new
Believing that the art of traditional painting is life in the form of sculpture. He likes to take an
dying out, Gerules is fighting this trend by abandoned thing and give it life again; he views
working with traditional oil paints on canvas. it as a cycle: from tree to pallet to art. Each of
The beauty in her work lies in her brush- his sculptures is created from only one wooden
strokes that evoke the elements of stress and pallet; working within this restriction forces
time, something everyone in our fast-paced Falcone to be more creative with what he has.
world can relate to. By not over-working her During the spring semester Falcone has ven-
canvasses to the state of perfection, the truly tured into the world of ceramic sculpture;
realistic aspect of Gerules's art, that it has been through this medium, although still quite
created by a real person, shines through beau- organic, the textures of the clay are emphasized
tifully. and Falcone has even created a body of figura-
The paintings of Athena LaTocha are tive work, fired in the Raku process.
very process-oriented. Intrigued by anthropo- Fumito Hiroaka, a second-year MFA stu-
logical discovery, LaTocha creates abstract dent, will be curating the 3.75 oz show. His solo
landscapes with oils on birch plywood; but show "Obsessive Compulsive II: Contamination,"
rather than using the standard artist's brush, also at the Main Library gallery, ran from April
she uses found objects such as stones and pieces 18-24. Hiroaka creates impressive, large-scale
of wood to add and remove the layers of paint. wood sculptures with a futuristic edge.
The process of preparing the wood to accept the "Obsessive Compulsive II" came about because
paint is very labor-intensive, but once com- his studio was located next to the spray booth
plete, LaTocha is able to build up and break Takafumi Ide, a native of Japan, is a and he feared the contamination of those toxic
down the layers of paint, much like an archeol- mixed-media artist whose work was showcased agents engulfing him. He decided to create a
ogist digging for lost civilizations in the dirt. at the Wang Center during the "Art Healing chamber of pure air; this entailed building a
LaTocha does not start with any pre-conceived Space" exhibit to honor victims of the tsunami. beautiful, giant geometric wooden box with
ideas; rather she allows the elements of the With an impressive exhibition resume to his dryer tubes coming out of it connected to three
paint on wood to be manipulated by the tools of credit, Ide is still striving to learn new media fans; the air inside being purified and safe. On
nature - sticks and stones - to expose us to her and express himself here at Stony Brook. Living the doors to the gallery during 3.75 oz, Hiroaka
abstract worlds and ruins. in New York for the past six years, the language will be displaying his latest obsession: holo-
Angela Freiberger, an accomplished and cultural barriers still affect Ide deeply; his grams.
marble sculptor from Brazil whose work recent- current work expresses this deep internal I hope that all members of the campus
ly appeared in the April issue of Sculpture struggle. Feeling trapped and wanting to community will take some time out from their
magazine, is studying digital art here at Stony escape, Ide expresses himself through his art- hectic final weeks on campus and venture into
Brook. Her work seamlessly combines digital work in order to help himself heal. One of his the Main Library gallery to view the impressive
images with performance art and sensual mar- installation pieces, titled "Black Box" allows diversity of works presented by the first-year
ble sculpture. Freiberger's work examines fem- the viewer to stand beneath a box with his/her MFA students during the run of 3.75 oz.
ininity and gender relations through live per- head inside and listen to the internal speakers.

TV SUC.S!
BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THAT

JOIN SU - TV 20
W NEED DIRWCTORS, PRODUIER.S, DITORS

DROP BY ROOM 074' IN THE UNION BASEMENT


OR MMAIL S lUTV.CIPS.NYSB PEU J

i I· I I I -- I I -I-
Page 16
Overthrown Democtically Electe Leade rof
Haiti Refuses to Concee Preside icy
By Matt Wi Ilemain
On April 19, ousted Haitian Prime Minister Jean-Bertrand one to two million people in front of the National Palace. She saiid the New
Aristide held a press conference from exile in South Africa. Aristide, York Times reported it as 'a small crowd,' which doesn't do ju istice to a(
who maintains that he was kidnapped during a coup backed by the United figure representing about one eighth of the nation's population
State. affirms that he is still the President of In early February 2004, viole,nt gangs,
Haiti and called for his restoration to power. including paramilitary leaders involved in the
The violent removal of Aristide, reelect- previous coup against Aristide and the terror
ed with 92% of the vote, followed months of during the rule of General Raoul Cedras, seized
increasingly intense demonstrations both for cities and towns in western Haiti, freeing pris-
and against his government. The international oners from jail and burning the home of the
media, borrowing coverage from the Haitian Mayor of Gonaives. Reuters reported that senior
media, had reported widespread student members of the United States State Department
protests at University campuses. According to were discussing proposals for removing
Pacifica reporter Lyn Duff, quoted to greater, Aristide. Aristide called for international sup-
extent in the below Haiti coverage, when she port. The U.S. brokered a plan for power-shar-
looked at the footage of the protests the majori- ing between Aristide and the opposition.
ty of people were from the wealthy elite, who Aristide agreed, but his opponents refused,
were clearly "not students." Some were stu- insisting that he must be removed from office.
dents, but a large portion weren't. She stated, Ira Kurzban, lawyer for the Haitian government,
"the people coming out of the woodwork were accused the United States of providing weapons,
upper class," and, "[it was] definitely a class training, and funding the opposition's paramili-
conflict." tary, through the Dominican Republic.
AA-A.•1-
-1 _P" - , _tneLI__ r u__n_1 _
Duff also criticized the international At the end or reoruary zuu4, tne Busn
media's reporting on the police response to anti-Aristide protests, before administration made statements that Aristide had resigned. Aristide
his ousting. The international media, was reporting that Aristide had himself, when he was able to get to a phone, asserted that he wvas threat-
ordered the police to open fire on peaceful protesters. Yet, many times ened by U.S. diplomats, kidnapped with their support (and the support of
the protesters were armed and would march into poor neighborhoods with unnamed other countries-his allies have since fingered F rance and
2x4's. At one University, they broke the Dean's legs. They would come Canada) and removed against his will by armed men. Aristide was flown
after police and surround them. Duff said the police would throw tear gas to the dictatorship of the Central African Republic, and eventulally made
or fire rubber bullets mainly because they were surrounded by angry, his way to South Africa. Another government, recognized by thie Western
armed mobs, not because Aristide had ordered them to. She stated, "he powers, was established in Haiti, and the Bush administrati on warned
didn't give orders and they weren't peaceful protestors." Aristide to stay out of the hemisphere. Haiti's neighbors, CARI COM the
Duff felt that the media also underplayed demonstrations sup- Caribbean Community, citing concerns for constitutional d emocracy,
porting Aristide. Glaringlv, the largest demonstration for Aristide drew have refused to recognize any President other than Aristide.

Haiti Uncovered A Messenger of Peace


By Jackie Hayes BBy Michael Yeh
On February 29, 2004, in the early 1800's. It is difficult Originally published March 11, has become a world tradition in
Jean-Bertrand Aristide was forced to imagine the extent of repression 1998 which economic growth is the
into exile by a military intelli- endured by the slave population In an emotional presenta- measure and the limit of our human
gence operation based out of the that ultimately resulted in violent tion, former Haitian president culture," he said.
Dominican Republic, backed and and desperate attempts to escape Jean-Bertrand Aristide urged stu- Although a global .market
funded primarily by the United from their colonial oppressors. dents to place people over profits may increase the abundance of con-
States. We believe that the US The repressive conditions that led in a celebration of Haitian culture sumer goods, it often creates a false
viewed Aristide as a potential up to the revolt are often deempha- and progressive reforms sponsored sense of well-being in developing
threat to US power in Haiti. sized in .historical accounts of by the Concerned Haitian League, nations by providing materiAl
Aristide has publicly stated that Haiti. the Haitian Student Organization, rewards for an exclusive group.
he was forced into exile at gunpoint In the pre-Independence and the Peace Studies Center on "Globalization promises material
by US forces. Since the ousting of era, Haiti was one of the most Tuesday, March 3, 1998. happiness," said Aristide. "Does
Aristide, Haiti has been crippled lucrative colonies in the world and As an ordained Salesian that mean that hunger and poverty
by violence carried out mainly by clearly an important asset for priest, Aristide wvas well-known are disappearing."
anti-Aristide gangs, ex-military, France. According to Haiti for his populist grass-roots move- Since 1980, most third
the national police, and peacekeep- Kreyol.com, "[Haiti] played a piv- ments protesting the oppressive world nations structured their
ing forces. According to Amnesty otal role in the French economy, regime of Jean-Claude "Baby Doc" economies to conform to global
International, over 600 people have accounting for almost two-thirds of Duvalier. Aristide won over- trends, according to Aristide. In
died in the fighting following French commercial interests whelming support among the work- 1960, the richest 20% of the
Aristide's removal. abroad and about 40% of foreign ing class, but was expelled from world's population controlled 70%
Due to the general lack of trade." In order to sustain the the priesthood. of the wealth; but today, they own
accurate reporting on Haiti we have export of about 60% of the world's The Duvalier family fled 85%. The poorest 20% had a mea-
put together an extensive report on coffee and 40% of France and the island in 1986 after 29 years of ger 2.3% in 1960, which has now
the current situation in Haiti, Britain's imported sugar they corrupt and brutal rule. After the dropped to 1.1%.
including a brief history, a time- required a substantial cheap labor dechoukaj, or "uprooting" of the "Poverty is not disappear-
line and a reprinted article force, which was provided through dictatorship, a coalition of civil- ing," said Aristide, "In fact, it is
describing Aristide's visit to Stony slavery. Kreyol.com estimated that ians and military officers presided becoming more entrenched." Up to
Brook's campus in 1998. We gath- the slave population totaled around over a skeptical public for four 85% of Haitians still live in pover-
ered the information from a variety 700,000 by 179-1. years. But in 1990, Aristide was ty and face hunger every day due to
of sources, including. Stony Brook Since Haiti played such an elected president with a 70% corporate exploitation, erosion of
Professors Georges Fouron and important role in the French econ- majority in the first democratic farmland, and limited government
Michael Schwartz and Pacifica omy, there was pressure to control election since 1964, when the bal- services. "Democracy in Haiti
reporter Lyn Duff. the slave population through harsh lots allowed only one choice; doesn't mean a thing unless the
repression. According to an edito- Francois "Papa Doc" Duvalier, people can eat," he said. "San pe
A Brief History: Slavery and- rial .published in The Socialist president for life. lan vant pa gen lape lat Itt. There
Revolt World, "Around 20% [of slaves] A strong critic of American is no peace in the head if there is
A well-known aspect of died en route from Africa and many corporate exploitation of Haiti, no peace in the stomach."
Haitian history is the Slave Revolt more died due to harsh working Aristide blasted economic global- But a military coup, led by
of 1791, which eventually led to ization in his address. "Worship of
Haiti's independence from France the market and its invisible hands
Haiti Uncove red
By Jackie Hayes
ment." During their occupation Bertrand. Aristide was elected asked to agree to an economic plan
they abolished the army and President by an overwhelming which could once again mortgage
conditions. Barbaric punishments replaced it with a national police majority (67%), which startled the the future of the country." Under
were also used by the plantation force and they turned the country's US, who favored Marc Bazin,' a the conditigns stipulated by the US
owners; for example, slaves were financials over to US technocrats right-wing economist and former he was able to serve out the remain-
burnt alive or filled with gunpow- and bureaucrats to ensure Haiti's World Bank official. Aristide der of his term minus the three
der and blown up." As a result of payment of foreign and US debts. espoused social justice, favored the years he had lost in exile.
this harsh repression, many slaves In 1957, Francois 'Papa poor and advocated for the rights of Aristide was reelected
escaped forming small colonies Doc' Duvalier was "elected" street children. In 1991 Aristide President in 2000, by an over-
that mounted guerrilla-like President, mainly with the help of was overthrown by General Raoul whelming 92% vote. During his
attacks on plantations. One of the the Haitian army. Soon after his Cedras and the FRAPH (Front for second term, Haiti was riddled
most infamous leaders of the election, he assembled a loose band the Advancement and Progress of with economic strife, resulting
attacks was Francois Macandal, who of thugs into his secret police, Haiti). As Dr. Nantambu, mainly from US trade embargos.
mounted a 6-year rebellion, killing nicknamed the 'Tonton Mocoute.' Associate Professor at Kent State Under increased political turmoil,
about 6,000. He was eventually Dictator.com points out that, the US funded and trained a mil-
caught by French forces and "[the Tonton Mocoutes] were itary operation in the Dominican
burned at the stake in 1758. nicknamed after a mythical Republic, which included some
Although the revolt of 1791 Haitian boogeyman that grabs former members of FRAPH. As
was ultimately crushed, rebellion people and makes them disap- Lyn Duff and Dennis Bernstein
spread throughout Haiti mounting a pear forever." During his reign, explain in an article entitled
movement for Independence. political opponents were sent to, Haiti: the Untold Story, "Since
Francois Dominque , Toussaint Fort Dimanche for torture and Aristide's reelection to the
emerged as a significant leader, execution. Some of the bodies of Haitian Presidency in 2000, the
directing a more disciplined rebel those killed were displayed Bush Administration had led an
force into battles with France. publicly as warning to others. effort to destabilize Haiti by
Under Toussaint, slavery and Newspaper editors and radio initiating an economic aid
whipping was outlawed. He also station owners were jailed while embargo, providing massive
organized the construction of roads Duvalier carried out his propa- funding and political support
and schools. Toussaint's succes- ganda campaign to tighten con- for both paramilitary forces and
sor, Jean Jacques Dessalines, trol over Haiti. Dictator.com opposition groups led by Haitian
declared complete independence recounts one ad campaign in elites, as well as spearheading a
from France in 1804, making Haiti particular, stating, "His most propaganda offensive against
the first black republic in the famous propaganda image shows Aristide."
world and the second colony in the a standing Jesus Christ with his The history of US-Haitian
Western Hemisphere to gain right hand on a seated Papa relations has been a relation-
Independence following the US. Doc's shoulder with the caption ship of intimate involvement by
"I HAVE CHOSEN HIM"." the US in Haitian politics and
US-Haitian Relations Despite being a repres- the Haitian economy. The US has
One might think the US sive and ruthless dictator, University explains, in an article consistently intervened, with little
would have congratulated Haiti on Duvalier shared friendly relations entitled US-Haitian Relations, "On respect towards Haitian sovereign-
its newly proclaimed Independence with the US during much of his 29 September 1991, General Raoul ty, to further US trade and political
from France, considering it a rule. He espoused anti-communist Cedras organized, mounted and interests in Haiti. At times, the US
brother i.n revolution. This was rhetoric and neo-liberal economic engineered a brutal military coup has sided and even protected dicta-
hardly the case in regards to US- policies, winning over the hearts d'etat in collusion with the United tors, including Emmanuel
Haitian relations post-1804. If and minds of Washington. He was States." Over the course of the next Constant, to further their political
anything, the US considered Haiti a awarded increased loans and finan- three years, over 4,000 people were agenda. The ousting of President
threat to national security, liken- cial aid from the US. The aid money killed and close to 300,000 were Aristide falls in line with the US'
ing the newly sovereign nation to a went, almost exclusively, to displaced. Some leaders of the legacy of intervention, which has
'burning house.' According to The Duvalier himself. Stony Brook coup, including FRAPH leader only perpetuated Haitian depend-
Socialist World, "The first ever US Professor, Georges Fouron states, Emmanuel 'Toto' Constant, who ence on the US, weakened their
sanctions were leveled against "when Duvalier was terrorizing were directly responsible for the economy, and uprooted any hope of
Haiti." people, the foreign aid money was deaths during and after the coup, sustained democracy and inde-
In 1915, the US invaded going into Duvalier's Swiss bank were granted asylum in the US. pendence.
Haiti with an occupying force and account." More than 50,000 people Constant is currently residing in
remained there for the next 20 were killed by state-sponsored Queens and has assumed a new Stony- Brook Professor
years, officially withdrawing in violence and executions during the identity with the help of the US Georges Fouron and
the early 1940's. The occupation Duvalier dynasty. Francois government. 'Apparent' States
led to bitterness towards the US Duvalier died in 1971, but was In 1994, Aristide was Georges Fouron is a
amongst the Haitian population. succeeded by his son 'Baby Doc' returned to power with support Professor of Education and Social
As Skidmore and Smith in Modern Jean-Claude Duvalier, who ruled from President Clinton. His return Sciences at Stony Brook University.
Latin America put it, "the majority until 1986 with the same brutality did not come without a price. As
of the population regarded -the as his father. Aristide himself stated, "In order
invaders with smoldering resent- In 1990 FatherL,XA A Jean-
OF%W to restore democracy, we were
US Jean-
Marine Francois
Claude
Corps 'Papa
'Baby
General Doc'
Doc'
Smedley Duvalier Dnvaliel
Butler

Slave revolt led US troops occupy Haiti US withdraws troops, but Duvalier declares himself Students begin popular
primarily by and remain there maintains fiscal control president for life. uprising against
Francois Macandal. until 1934. until 1947. Duvalier reign.

Haiti declares its independance Haiti becomes the Francois 'Papa Doc' Duvalier seizes power Duvalier dies and is
as the first black nation in the first US protectorate. and terrorizes the population with his personal succeeded by his son
world and the second colony in militia, the 'tonton Macoutes.' Over Fifty Thousand 'Baby Doc' Jean-
the Western Hemisphere to be free. people die over the course of the Duvalier reign. Claude Duvalier
A M...
. . .. . . ... .-. . .
T916
i i*ii i I II I -
"
'NNW NW 'Ro

1791 1804 1915 1934 1956 1964 1971 1985


Page 18
SHaiti Uncove red
L L -- By Jackie Hayes
want to promote democracy teach compianies. In order for the coun- Economically Haiti is the
people to respect the rule of law." tries to receive economic aid from poorest country in the Western
He spent the first 25 years of his Fouron attributes US intervention the IAMF, WTO or World Bank they Hemisphere, with the majority of
life in Haiti and graduated from the to American interests in Haiti stat- must follow the 'structural adjust- the population living in destitute
University of Haiti with an ing, "One of the benefits they reap ment programs' set down by the poverty. It is estimated that 1% of
International Relations degree. He is opening the doors for exploita- organ izations. The-premise is that the population holds nearly half of
co-authored a book entitlled tion" openi ng a country's borders to for- the country's wealth. Economic
Georges Woke Up Laughing: Lo\ng- In regards to the current eign 1trade will benefit the country relations with the US and other
distance Nationalism and the situation in Haiti, Fouron com- econo mically, which often is not developed countries have not
Search for Home, which was pi b- mented, "there is killing on both the coase. helped Haiti's economic situation.
lished in 2001. He spoke at len,gth sides, it's a mess...the interim Schwartz described the If anything, the economic relation-
with us about his experiences in forces have been going into slums curreint globalization explaining, ship that has developed over time
Haiti and his views regardiing and carrying out raids and "Ther *e are many ways in which has perpetuated poverty in Haiti.
Aristide and US intervention, killing," The poverty stricken globa lization now is different from Je an - B er t rand
Professor Fourron populations of Haiti have born the the sort of globalization that has, Aristide himself related a story in
described life under Duvalier as, brunt of the political violence taken place for the past several 2000 about globalization's effect
"Nothing that you can even im;ag- resulting from instability; an centu ries, particularly in the last on Haiti, in an article entitled
ine." He explained in detail the instability that was ushered in by 100 years." Some differences he Sacrificial Pigs; for Haiti
extent of repression, "you could n't the forced exile of Aristide at the outlirled were the use of technolo- Globalization is a Trail of Broken
even challenge a professor, if You hands of American forces. gy, el Promises. He used the example of
lectronics, etc. to increase the
were reported that would be the When asked how he felt effici ency of communication and the Haitian Creole pig, which was
end." As previously mention ed, about the future of Haiti, he stated, trave 1. eradicated under pressure from
Duvalier maintained pow'er throt igh "there is no way Haiti can affirm
oppressive violence, carried out
~ ~~ ~ institutions
international ~ ~ ~ ~ in ., ,,-,A.., - , 1 -,
its independence...there is no 1.98. me institutions nad
mainly by the Tonton Mocouite. clean water, education is in. promised to replace the pig,
This brutality fueled fear that p er- shambles, there are no which was a staple i nabout 85%
meated throughout the general p op- resources and no money." He of rural households. Yet, as
ulation. When asked about the IJS' concluded, "that's how they [the Aristide states, "Two years
stance towards Duvalier, Fou ron US] want Haiti to remain... at any later, the new, "better" pigs
replied, "the US stood by and did time they can interfere in our came from Iowa. They were so
nothing because he professed to be foreign affairs. much better they required clean
anti-communist." drinking water (unavailable to
Professor Fouron a lso Stony Brook Professor 80% of the population), imported
went into depth about the conc ept Michael Schwartz and feed ($90 a year when the per
of 'apparent' states, which are Globalization capita income was about $130),
described in his book, as w ell. Michael Schwartz is a and special roofed pigpens." The
"Haiti is an apparent state beca use Professor of Sociology at Stony monetary loss from this
there is no national sovereignt y," Brook University. He has writ- exchange was estimated at $600
he explains, referring to the his to- ten multiple books, including million. Aristide sums up the
ry of US intervention. "At any tiime Radical Politics and Social devastating effects stating,
in the day they [the US] can int er- Structure, The Power Structure "There was a 30% drop in enroll-
vene...there is a mirage of sov er- of American Business, and ment in rural schools, a dramat-
eignty." He expressed outrage at Social Policy and the ic decline in the protein con-
the US' complete disregard for Conservative Agenda. He talked sumption in rural Haiti, a devas-
Haitian sovereignty. extensively about Globalization tating decapitalization of the
When the US interve ned and its relation to the third peasant economy, and an incal-
to depose Aristide in Febru ary world. Globalization is a vague Yet, in some ways, global- culable negative impact on Haiti's
2004, they appointed Priime term; therefore for the purpose of izatic n is behaving the same way it soil and agricultural productivity.
Minister G6rard Latortue as heaci of this article we will focus mostly on did 100 years ago. Schwartz Haiti's peasantry has not recovered
the country, in direct violation of the economic aspects of globaliza- explhains, "the trading partner- to this day."
Haiti's Constitution. Accordingy to tion. ships established by this process Michael Schwartz further
their Constitution, if the Global markets have become are u nequal: one side of the trad- outlines the trend of underdevel-
President, for whatever reason ,is more intertwined over time as ing p artnership gets far more ben- oped countries suffering as a result
unable to carry out his term, the countries open their borders to efit (in terms of wealth and eco- of their relations with the devel-
head of the Supreme Court is to be foreign commerce. Certain organi- nomi c development) than the other oped world stating, "The process of
interim President until the foll(ow- zations, including the side, and much of the friction in economic globalization has had a
ing election. US intervention in International Monetary Fund the world is around exactl'y this very deleterious effect on underde-
2004 directly violated the Hait:ian (IMF), World Trade Organization imba lance." Haiti is a perfect veloped countries (usually
Constitution and Haitian law. In (WTO) and the World Bank put eco- exam ple of how one side, typically referred to these days as The
regards to the forced exile of nomic pressure on third world an underdeveloped country, Global South) in the past 40 years,
Aristide by US forces, Fouron s tat- countries to open their borders to recei ves less from a trading part-
ed, "This is absurd! Why do you foreign companies or to sell state nershlip than the developed coun-
have the right to intervene? If you owned businesses to international try.

Lieutenant Pr
General Victims
Henri of the B
Namphy FRAPH .P

Jean-Bertrant Aristide Emmanuel 'Toto' Constant, on CIA Aristide returns Aristide reelected
is elected Pr(esident paryoll, heads FRAPH, which is responsible for from exile. President with a
by a swee ping over Three Thousand deaths while Aristide is 92% vote.
70% volte. in the US. Constant now lives in Queens.
'Baby Doc' flees Military coup led by Robert Malval Rene Preval elected US led military
and is replaced by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras installed as to replace Aristide. operation forces
Lieutenant General and the FRAPH forces Aristide interim Prime Aristide back
Henri Namphy. into exile and claims power. - Minister. into exile.
Af A - ----
----
rn---r-·- " : ..... w ..... -......
.. II. .. . ...... · ~...
.......... ... I...I.....----------:---11....1 .
v :I- --
----
U"

1986
.
1986 1990 1991 1991-94 1993 1994 1995 2000 2004
Page 19
A Mssengerfor ice
By Michael Yeh
and diverting attention from his Aristide. "The trees, water, air, vent the establishment of a 'super-
campaign for a minimum wage, land and soil are linked to our peace and underclass'."
Lieutenant General Raoul Cedras, reform, and enforced tax collection well-being." Following Aristide's pres-
supported by the wealthy business on the rich, the mainstream media But Aristide pointed out entation, Professor Leslie Owens of
community, abruptly forced tried to cast doubts about his that grass-roots campaigns must be the Africana Studies department
Aristide into exile in September, integrity, as they have done for supplemented with sufficient eco- moderated a question and answer
1991 and killed hundreds of his many leftist leaders around the nomic aid. "Only 10% of develop- session with the audience. Each
supporters. world. ment aid goes toward meeting pri- sponsoring organization presented
Although the United States Cedras backed down only mary human needs such as health him with awards for his service to
refused to recognize the military after the threat of a US military care, clean water, and sanitation. the Haitian people. This event was
regime, media critics charge the invasion in September 1994, and This represents less than 1% of also accompanied with an exhibi-
American corporate media misrep- Aristide returned to Haiti to com- what the industrialized world uses tion of Haitian art by Medalia
resented and defamed Aristide plete his term. After he left office for athletic fields each year." Yet, Marketing of east Setauket and a
because of his left-wind beliefs. In in 1996, the Aristide Foundation only $6 billion in addition to the performance by the Stony Brook
his book Inventing Reality; The, for Democracy was founded to cre- current funding allocation for edu- Gospel Choir.
Politics of New Media, Michael ate opportunities for economic par- cation until the year 2000 is suffi- "[Aristide's visit] is the
Parenti noted that the Washington ticipation by the poor. cient to put every child in the first time such a high ranking
Post accused Aristide of "foment- Entrepreneurship is encouraged world in school. black dignitary came to the univer-
ing class warfare in his sermons," through grants or low-interest Aristide recently criti- sity," said Valembrun. "It raised
and using "the threat of violence to credit for small businesses. Food cized his successor and former the level of consciousness, and it
enforce his will." Ironically, the cooperatives provide staples such prime minister Rene Preval for a falls into our vision of universal
term "class warfare" was only used as rice, beans, and cooking oil at plan to privatize state-owned com- emancipation and empowerment
to describe working-class resist- about half the market prices. In an panies. Preval is under pressure through education, and formation
ance against the rich, but not for effort to increase Haiti's 20% liter- from the US to create a more suit- of legal and cultural advocacy."
the economic oppression forced acy rate, the Foundation for able infrastructure for multina- But this event was not only
upoan the poor. Democracy supports Creole lan- tional corporations. Millions of a tribute to Aristide's work, but
The New York Times report- guage programs. In addition, dollars in aid have been tied to also the Haitian people--a-nd--their
ed that Cedras ordered the coup women are encouraged to partici- specific conditions such as commitment to democracy and jus-
because of what he. claimed to be pate in economic decisions. By increased privatization and the tice. Aristide claimed that work-
human rights abused by the providing the tools for success investigation of alleged human ing with the poor had taught him
Aristide administration. But instead of simply offering food, the rights violations by Aristide's that "beyond market values, there
international studies showed that Foundation is making strides administration. are human values. They persist in
human rights violations fell toward long-term solutions for the "Privatization, especially struggling for a better life, in
sharply after Aristide came to economic problems. in developing nations, is always struggling for peace, and they know
power, and the Inter-American Environmental conservation hard," said Charles Valembrun, what they want."
Commission on Human. Rights is an urgent part of the Executive Director and founder of: With peace, democracy, and
announced that it had not received Foundation's goal of achieving self- the Concerned Haitian League. economic opportunities, Haiti will
any complaints. In contrast, sufficiency in food production. "'Often, the people who benefit are have a chance to return to its for-
C6dras was implicated in violent More than 95% of the land in Haiti the elites who have an ample sup- mer glory. "I wish that one day we
suppressions of political dis- is deforested due to the need for ply of money to invest. But [priva- will have the pleasure to welcome
senters as part of a counter-insur- fast-growing food crops and char- tization] creates more competition you to Haiti," said Aristide. "But
gency group created by the coal. Approximately 1% of Haiti's and perhaps better services. At be careful, because once you are in
Duvalier regime, as well as the exe- topsoil washes to the sea each year, the crucial stage in economic Haiti, a virus will attack you. That
cution of Aristide supporters after resulting in catastrophic loss of development in Haiti, it is impor- virus is love, and you will stay
the coup. valuable farmland. "For a commu- tant that the government thinks there for a couple of months, maybe
By emphasizing unsubstan- nity to have peace, the society of and rethinks its policies where a couple of years, maybe forever."
tiated allegations against Aristide nations must be at peace," said privatization is concerned to pre-

Ha iti Uncove red


By Jackie Hayes
what is being bought and sold by children involved have been has gone through the floor." The
Haiti. Also, US businesses use arrested, kidnapped and executed. Haitian army and private militias
'Third World Lending in the late Haiti as a source of cheap labor. As She returned from Haiti about funded by Haiti's wealthy elite also
1960s.'" Schwartz then drew ref- Schwartz outlined, the aspects of three weeks ago and discussed her exact violence on Haiti's poor.
erence to aforementioned organiza- globalization that include the observations of the current situa- Along with street children, the
tions like the IMF; World Bank and spread of neo-liberal policies to tion in Haiti. poor neighborhoods have become
WTO and the neo-liberal economic countries like Haiti have had a dev- The situation Lyn Duff targets of violence because the vast
policies that they push on other astating effect. described was rather dim. majority of residents there are
countries. He explained, "Latin "Attacks have increased by 500% Aristide's supporters. As Duff
America and Africa, the two areas Pacifica Reporter Lyn Duff against street children," she explains, "repression is more con-
that most completely embraced and the Plight of Haitian explained, "they are burnt alive, centrated in cities like Port-au
these policies (known as Neo- Street Children beaten by soldiers...things that Prince." Yet, violence extends
Liberalism) have suffered tremen- Lyn Duff writes for Pacifica haven't been seen since the 1991- beyond the city, spilling into the
dous economic setbacks over the news and is an associate producer 94 coup." Duff continued, explain- rural areas, some of which are com-
past two decades and now are in the of Pacifica Radio's Flashpoints. ing that during Aristide's presi- pletely controlled by paramilitary
midst of all out economic crisis at She has been covering Haiti for dency he strongly advocated for forces.
every level. So this aspect of glob- about ten years, and helped start a bettering the situation of street Duff relayed one story of an
alization has been disastrous for children's radio station in Port- children. He felt they should be eleven year old who lived in the
the Third World." au-Prince called 'Radyo Timoun.' treated with dignity and respect, poverty stricken area of Port-au
The relationship that has The radio stationi was run mostly not like animals. Since Aristide's Prince and experienced violence
developed between Haiti and the US by children from the Lafanmi exile, violence towards street chil- first hand. "She watched her moth-
is a relationrship of dependence. Selavi orphanage and quickly dren has assumed a symbolic er being raped, then her father
Professor Fouron commented that, became the largest radio station in meaning; it is viewed as an attack being killed. Her brother was
"Haiti is so dependent on the US, the country. Most of their support towards Aristide and everything he forced to have sex with her mother,
every year they have to wait for the came from private donations as stood for. then she was raped," Duff
US budget to pass before publish- well as from former President The majority of the violence explained. She asked the girl about
ing the Haitian budget." The US Jean-Bertrand Aristide. Since is being carried out by the National reporting the incident- to the
•.,4-1 . 1+ ;- -.. ,;..r1 . .. A- cA "T ,-,,.- +
benefits from Haiti's dependence Aristide's forced exile, the station, Police. Duff stated, "The Haitian
since they have some control over has been shut down and many of the National Police's human rights file

Page 20
Hey Kids BuyYourself a SliceOf Ameri ca!
- - ,--- By Paula Guy
back home-less clothing, more make-up and
An only semi-coherent rant by Paula 2004!!" shirt for only US$4.95? I have my gifts
Guy, who has been spending too much time for homeland people sorted. I am buying pres- inbreeding).
on Long Island. ents to piss people off. Eventually they will see Even better than the Mall, I have New
the funny side. "Fuck Bush" t-shirts are over- York City. Fashion-fucking-Ave. Greenwich
You want to know the great thing about used. Village! St. Mark's! There is a whole street of
America? It is not freedom (since the Patriot So guys, leave Auckland University shops which sell gas-masks, tutus, florescent
Act), nor is Coco-cola or Kerouac (actually it is (which will be hard seeing as you are most like- hair-dye and bondage gear (just what I need to
Kerouac, but I digress). The greatest thing ly a prisoner at Stony Brook University if you maintain sanity in this part of the country).
about being in this country is Internet shop- are reading this article); move to the States. You There is expensive poncey-wanker 'vintage'
ping. Fuck yeah. Moving to New York has too can indulge in the e-banquet of Republican clothing in every second shop. GI Joes and
allowed me to purchase all the wonderful things merchandise which t ayboys line the walls.
I have e-drooled over in the past years, (what a (oh, and Interpun )p assistants drip of sex,
loser, yes). I can purchase these wonderful inclined). Oh! Bein; r and dirt. The shoes
bright, shiny things without exorbitant bank- US also allows me to m transvestite.
fees, for transferring money from New Zealand all the Slave La You can't fit this
banks to America. No more currency exchange Graphics comics -e in a shopping bag.
for me! I do not have to pay $30 in postage for a Allen Ginsberg ybe I will just go back to
crappy little t-shirt. I have an American bank Kurt Vonnegut I w' Sdorm and e-shop.
account! I have an American address. I can from Amazon.com ai From bondage gear
fully (well actuat~ly• ty partly, seeing as I have pay .only US$2.0 o pro-Republican-
no money), indulge in American e-con- postage! Oh yeah trucker hats, you can
sumerism. It is magically addictive. Surf the Fuck New Zealand! purchase the con-
web and book a flight to Canada-escape Long The only sumerist scabs of
Island, or go to Interpunk and buy that Clash t- problem with this America, and imported
shirt and find that Tom Waits record you have feeling of mathemat- pieces of cotton covered
searched for in New Zealand's baby consumerist ical superiority i, in Stars and Stripes, but
you 1.u
c
landscape, but never found. I can buy 'I (insert that it cost me a you can t ouy-.....the__
aeroplane instead of heart) New York t-shirts $3,000 air ticket to reach this state. Ignore America that I love the most. The people who
from T-shirt Hell.com without the bank-fees this. Block the facts and feel happy. tell their government and their money to go
and postage equaling more than the cost of the I am going to be hyper-broke when I get fuck itself. The ones who deviate from the Long
stupid t-shirt. back to New Zealand. Island-life path of credit cards and two-story
What is the greatest thing about internet Send me your pocket-money, you Stony houses, and question the dominant modes of
shopping from a US base? Republican Brook students who still get fucking pocket 'living' in this place.
Merchandise! Georgebush.com et al. I should money from your parents-on top of the money They seem happy with beaches and beer
have a stirring of conscience at financially which Daddy puts towards your fees, board and and music--with just being a goddamn person.
supporting these assholes, but it is too good to drugs, so I can participate more fully in the Well, as happy as you can be if you're
be missed. The merchandise is more priceless American Dream you have created. Blatant e- from New York.
than a Master-card experience. "My Governor consumerism will make me happpppp- You can 'buy' into America, if your liver
Can Kick Your Governor's Ass" badges, for pyyyyyyy. is made of steel and your stomach lining is
those lucky enough to live under the hand of I don't even need the local mall, now nuclear-proof. Otherwise you just need to sit
Schwarzenegger; flaming red "Viva Bush" t- that I have American internet! (Which is lucky back and watch. It is a freak show, propelled
shirts which would have you beaten up, (or ide- as the Mall makes me vomit (the 14 year old by people who bow to green-backed gods, in
ally covered in egg and/or vomit), in any half- girls which stalk such places are even more their 'pursuit of happiness'. The poor bas-
decent town. How can I resist a "Bush, Cheney!! annoying than those that populate the Malls tards.

Jlife i.01
,
Are you Jew-curious? Are you intrigued by the recent
talk of Kabbalah?
Although Judaism has existed for over 4000 years, it
evades specific definition. Is Judaism just a religion? Among
many other descriptions, Judaism can also describe a culture. If
a Jew is not defined by religion alone, then who is a "Jew"?
There is also a misrepresentation of Judaism and its ele-
ments. For example, a misunderstanding of Kabbalah, Jewish
mysticism, has led some people to believe that Kabbalah is based
entirely on magic. According to the website AskMoses.com,
Kabbalah is based on an understanding of the Torah.
This article provides resources about Judaism and its
aspects. I am not a scholar on Judaism. I am an individual that is
interested in Judaism and wants to help educate people that are
interested, too.
The list that appears at the end of this article contains
resources that were suggested to me. However, it is not meant to
be an exhaustive list. It is more like a "Judaica primer."
Some notable resources are AskMoses.com, the Museum of
Jewish Heritage, and Prof. Robert Goldenberg. The website
AskMoses.com provides the opportunity to speak to a live rabbi of
the Chabad philosophy. The Museum of Jewish Heritage is locat-
ed within New York City and promotes volunteer opportunities.
Prof. Robert Goldenberg, at the time of writing this article, teach-
es at Stony Brook University. Also, he provided the book list for
this article and welcomed questions. I want to thank him greatly
for his help and patience. I also want to thank Sam Goldman for
providing information about websites.
If you are also interested in sharing information about
other resources, then you can send the information to
shelanu_sbu@hotmail.com. If I am-mistaken, then please inform
me by contacting the previous e-mail address. Thank you. Enjoy.
Heroes in the Seaweed
Warmth In Your Distance
By Tiffany Russo, Brian Wasser, and Matt Willemain
Wandering cello. Swirling drums, the potential inherent in the nascent act.
Ambient guitars adding layers to the dreamy What I truly like about this band is
soundscapes of indie-folk relaxation, trans- their mixture of each instrument into a flowing
porting the listener to a plane of Brooklyn- melody, which seems to soothe my nerves as I
goodness. Don't think for a minute that these listen. Their style is a combination between

I
guys don't know how to break it down. And just
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wandering right back, with instrumental breaks you are


melody smooth as molasses left floating, as if you were
dripping down a sheet of whisked away by the warm
white silk, complimenting waters, reflecting upon the
the emo-tilting vocals. many chaotic things that
Vocalist Ryan Montgomery bear you down. I love the
manages to get a lot of music use of language, being a
done in a short amount of lyrics person myself, espe-
time, but he still manages to cially in the second song on
pack in the pounds of the album titled "Friends
rolling sounds. The music Who Never Meet." "My
evokes a placid meadow, reflection can be sung with
slowly turning brown with a dry and flaccid tongue.
autumn's last gasps, and The words spill out in
approaching winter's tight- reverse and dance in empty
ening snares. Speaking of tight snares, drummer circles." I also enjoy the lyrics in the last song,
Robert Galgano weaves a complex web of ones "Maybe you're just a girl that people fall in love
and twos. with, maybe I'm just a familiar face," particu-
As I listen, I find myself reassuring larly the line "We've been strangers in a room
myself it will be alright. Heroes in the and lovers in the street." The last ten seconds
Seaweed's debut EP, Warmth In Your Distance, of this song really ends the album-with a sense
embodies pure, unsatisfied emotion, reflecting that this band has possibility.

Forever Fell Through


By Adam Kearny
That's the name of the band, up there. It's Senses Fail, Funeral For a Friend, and Saosin.
a group of guys; they play guitars and drums. Mafio, the singer, confessed his admiration for
One of them sings, although he describes himself Scott Wylin. They've got good taste in beer, pre-
as also being a very apt player of the "skin ferring Guinness and Amstel Light, but that
flute." His name: Anthony Mafio, a.k.a. "King." night it was Bud Light, due to a lack of loot.
Guitarist number "one goes by Jesso Rock; he A demo CD is currently on the way,
'rocks a VST Eclipse. Guitar two is played by recorded with the help of the band's symbiotic
Bryan Brown. The bassist, Steve Mitchel, uses an musical producer, Joe Conte, who runs Death
Austin B-80, and claims to have the biggest Sound Studios. He deals mainly with emo, metal,
wang, not because of any correlation with his punk, and hardcore bands, handling booking and
musical instrument (though bass players are CD production. Forever Fell Through is planning
notorious for their more than adequate equip- a tour that will include 12 shows around the NY
ment), but because he is, in fact, half black. The area, one of them a benefit for breast cancer.
drummer, John Swanson, a.k.a. "The Legend" con- Jesso Rock, guitarist number one, wants
fided in me that he was indeed a legend "in his the band and him to "get as far as we can," and in
own pants." doing so they "don't want to sell out." His advice
Their show at the University Caf6 o.n to other musicians is, "Stay with it, no matter
April 27th was one of their regular gigs at Stony what stick through it." The bassist, Steve
I - ILe xAeumy Mitchell, wants everyone to "hear us for the
y.

pl

Expect them to play every last Tuesday of the music, not what someone else wants us to play."
having
Brook

month. Opening for them with a brief set was It seems like hard work, aside from get-
another band: Gina's a Dead Model. ting on stage and thrashing out: moving equip-
A big break for them, starting out, was at ment, setting it up, breaking it down, and rent-
the Battle of the Bands at the Sachem Public ing vans that have a tendency to shit out at inop-
Library two-and-a-half years earlier. Since portune times. Then there's booking and record-
then, they've changed singers, and developed ing and practice and trying to sell enough tick-
into a style they describe as "post-hardcore, ets at a show to pay for the hours of labor. Why
alternative indy emo." Post-hardcore comes do it? For the energy, the life created in the
from the fact that the vocals aren't the agonizing, interaction of a performance. In the words of the
raw gutteral screams that normally constitute bassist, "we feed off the crowd."
hardcore bands, but are a little more passive and Their next show is on June 5th at The
melodic. But while the singing is more emo, the Forum in Kingston, NY.
band's breakdowns still pack the intense hard-
core punch.
When asked, repeatedly, their musical
influences, they responded with Thrice and
Classic Films Thatll Blow Your Mind
By Laura Positano
Been to the movies lately? While some of ence made her almost equal in power to the men portray a married couple that are both lawyers
today's movies are intriguing or at least very of her circle of paramours. Mae West was a called in to represent opposing sides in an
funny, the fact is many mainstream films nowa- trailblazer in all her films, making it look okay attempted murder case. A woman, legally repre-
days have no plot. The sole purpose of these for a woman character to appear as not a passive sented by Hepburn, is accused of trying to kill
films, it seems, is to generate profits at the box sex kitten but rather an owner of her sensuali- her husband upon seeing him cheat on her.
office. Cheesy special effects, inexcusable by ty. Spencer Tracy defends the husband's point of
the technology currently available to makers of view that the wife was unstable and was trying
movies, abound. to kill him. Hepburn proceeds to show how dou-
Though actors of recent films such as ble standards are so pervasive that if the hus-
Gwen Paltrow and Tom Hanks are quite talented, band did the same thing -defending his home
there are many popular actors today that don't from an intruder- he'd be respected; not pun-
connect emotionally with their characters. ished.
These actors appear afraid to take the emotion-
al risk for fear of alienating their usual audi- Butterflies are Free (1972)
ences, hurting the believability of performanc- This film, with Goldie Hawn and Edward
es in many recent mainstream films in the Albert, shows the immense struggle and
process. resilience that people with disabilities experi-
But there was a time when more block- ence. Albert portrays a guy in his twenties with
buster mainstream actors took risks in the many interests and longings like other twenty-
sense of being realistically emotional, even if it somethings. The only difference is that he's
risked the following of their typical audiences. blind, something he's lived with since birth.
Movies that sometimes were rewarded for their Like many disabled people, he refuses to be
tackling of emotion-charged issues and contro- pitied, compensates for his disability, and aims
versial social taboos with awards, bu.t some- for independence. He teaches his neighbor,
times went underappreciated by audiences or Goldie Hawn, about how to see life in a new way,
critics. Such films reflect the sociological and she does the same for him. A romance devel-
implications of historical events of the times ops, despite of and because of such unique sit-
the films were filmed in. uations.
The films I am about to recommend for
your viewing span decades. From the 1930s film Children's Hour (1961)
She Done Him Wrong featuring Mae West to the Audrey Hepburn, known for films like
'1960s film, The Children's Hour, these films Breakfast at Tiffany's with mass appeal, stars
tackle conflicts within the American society's To Have and to Have Not (1944) with Shirley MacLaine in this melodrama about
psyche in different periods. Even now, the con- Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall two teachers rumored to be lesbians. Set in a
troversies, the angst and the turmoil that these show equal amounts of strength and emotional small town, these women who once were respect-
films represented still hold resonance. vulnerability in this film set during world war ed owners of an academy for girls now are
The following films are listed in no par- two. Bogart's an intrepid man trying to hide scorned after rumors of homosexuality begin.
ticular order of importance, since they all have from the Nazis because he's an American This film shows the claustrophobic potential of
importance. involved in the underground resistance against bigotry.
Hitler. Bacall is a self-reliant woman trying to
She Done Him Wrong (1933) travel around in the middle, of the war zone, A Patch of Blue (1965)
Mae West portrays a harlot in the nine- ending up helping those hurt in the skirmishes A blind young woman, Shelley Winters,
teenth century, using her sensuality to gain between Nazi soldiers and her, Bogart and those who is white, finds herself falling in love with a
influence and respect among those who frequent they assist. black man, Sidney Poitier, when his compas-
her nightspot. Back in the nineteenth century, sion and good treatment of her surpasses any-
when women had little influence in areas out- Adam's Rib (1949) thing she has received from anyone in her life,
side the home (nominal legal rights), that influ- Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn especially that of her racist abusive mother.

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Page 23
_ __
The
_ _
Upside of Anger
By Eddie Zadorozny
Scenarios, circumstances, dilemmas, arise Upon hearing about Terry's misfortune he help nab an Oscar nomination for Joan Allen
out of our lives- it is inevitable, as is happi- equates her loss as his gain, as he has now found next year (I am hoping so).
ness, and contentment which for Terry a drinking partner to wallow in depression There are some scenes of excess but all-
Wolfmeyer (Joan Allen) was most prominent at with. in-all the film is brilliant; the quirkiness of the
one time. That is until her husband walks out Although alcohol is very abundant in this daughters with their flaws and differences in
on their marriage with his Swedish secretary film, it is not a film about alcoholism; it is about personality only make Joan Allen shine as an
with no warning, indication, and worse no rea- a woman trying to come to some sort of term or actress. Also impressive is Kevin Costner who
son. As quick as a Britney Spears annulment he understanding of why this happened. It also after a string of flops seems to have revived his
is gone! This sets in motion Terry's downfall forces her to grow up and deal with her current career; he is quite up to the challenge and holds
nito angst, wnicn also uproots unre- state oi aiiairs. mne beau- his own with Joan Allen. Their scenes togeth-
lenting anger in her, thus giving us ty of this film is that she er are of high acting quality. The chemistry
the themes for the appropriately has made this conscious between the two is potent. Also impressive, is
named movie The Upside of Anger. decision to not deal with Mike Binder as the sleazy radio producer, he
Terry must now tend to her it, it's far easier for her to just oozes baseness. Cleary though, the film
four daughters as well as never com- be angry and for us the belongs to Joan Allen, one of America's best
bating her rise in temper, which just viewer, it is quite the actresses (for reinforcement -rent The
escalates as she constantly tries to spectacle. I have never Contender). She clearly shines in every scene
make sense of her plight. It is just seen such anger repre- she is in. I am predicting that she will get an
easier to be angry and incensed, sented, while in the same. Oscar nomination for this as she is clearly
which she does so well. Her comfort sense so much fun to deserving of one. Unfortunately, not in her
is alcohol, which gives her some watch. Joan Allen chews favor is the release of this film, because the
sanity or so it seems. Her daughters and spits up the scenery, majority of the time, Hollywood has no recollec-
all have some gripe with her or with her emotions are that of a tion of solid acting performances unless they're
there own lives but grieve for there woman having a 24-hour released in the fall (example: why are all Oscar
mother's loss, yet at the same time period. Watch the scene hopeful pictures releases in the late fall and
find her unbearable as her cantan-. where Terry confronts near Christmas?) This is extremely regrettable
kerous self grows over the years Shep, Danny's producer, because upon viewing this fine film, you are
with -no ending in sight. at her daughter's wedding also seeing one of the best actress nominations
The clina htPrC wxIPltrnmr intn ahMiit he r ~r rict nf hi unfold on screen, one down- four to go, lets hope
their home, neighbor, Danny Davies (Kevin dating her daughter who happens to work on I am proven wrong.
Costner) a former pitcher for the Detroit Tigers Danny's radio show, it's not only memorable but There have also been some references to
who runs a sports talk show on the radio. He is the writing in that scene is brilliant. Another the film's ending by other critics as a cop out
also more immersed into the alcohol then his scene is when Terri, at her eldest daughter's that cheats us, the viewer. I find the revelation
actual job, which he is completely bored with college graduation, not only meets for the first in itself to be brilliant; it not only questions us,
and spends more time talking about stocks, and time her boyfriend, (which she was left in. the the viewer, with analysis on how anger as a emo-
current affairs much to the chagrin of his pro- dark about) but fumes smoke out of her ears tion is so quick to rear itself, especially on
ducer Shep Goodman (director Mike Binder). upon hearing her daughters marriage announce- Terry herself, but that assumptions can be
Danny is a shoddy, unkempt, lonely individual, ment. The lunch scene that follows where Terri deadly.
who always looks like he just woke up out of bed, meets her boyfriend's parents is not only'mem-
as well as perfecting a loser-like quality to him. orable with great dialogue, but is guaranteed to

( __ _ __
The Ring
By Eddie Zadorozny
What made the first one intriguing, sus-- to an extent maybe we can accept that because Seattle to start fresh and new. After just a few
penseful, and creepy was the concept of a video- we are trying to appeal to a genre community days of acclimating, their past troubles have
tape, which when viewed was instantly followed here, that being horror. The absurdity is that caught up with them, as a copy of the videotape
by a telephone call stating you had seven days this film attempts to explain all this phenome- resurfaces due to some local teenagers who view
to live (and we thought telemarketers were for- na as being real and genuine, which in actuali- it with deadly results. With Samara on the loose
ward). If the tape was passed within those seven ty comes across as so unlikely, and far-fetched. and the ability to penetrate the mind of Aidan,
days to some other unsuspecting soul, your life her mission is to seek Aidan out to possess his
would be spared. On the videotape were bizarre, body, thus enabling her an out from her watery
eerie, surreal images, which in the end were hole of a domain.
puzzling pieces to a bigger scheme, describing There are some well-crafted special
to an extent their whereabouts and purpose. effects, one in particular, a drive through the
Part of the fun and allure of the first one was countryside for Rachel and Aidan is met by a
this whole concept (not so much the insane plot-) herd of rampaging deer that slam into there car,
but of the allure of old wives tales, urban leg- it's nice eye candy but the purpose of it? I
ends, and myths we are constantly told as kids. couldn't tell you. Maybe in another life Aidan
This main focus was the driving part of the first himself was a reindeer named Rudolph that went
film. It didn't take itself too seriously, and we, on to countless appearances in CBS Christmas
the audience were swept up in its atmosphere of specials, which gave him stardom, and this cre-
folklore. The same cannot be said for the sec- ated animosity and jealousy among the other
ond, which was -inevitable due to the surprise reindeer? In other words, nice attempt but this
sleeper success of the first. tells us the audience what exactly?
The bizarre dreamlike tone, which made The Ring 2 is a shameless attempt by the
the first one entertaining, is completely void studio and producers to cash in on a film for
here in the second to (gasp!) dare I say a story? money. It has little to do with the first one,
After the seventh day, a girl, Samara would which in this case was a mistake if this sequel
crawl out of your TV from a well that she had were to be remotely interesting. Expect box
been placed to die in, from a whacked out moth- Years have passed since the ordeal of the office and audience spectatorship to drop fast.
er. In the diagesis world of this film we know of first one and Rachel (Naomi Watts) andher son In fact I would take this ring off of my ring fin-
this concept as being totally preposterous and Aidan (David Dorfman) leave town and head to ger, and put it on my middle finger!

Page 24
The Hitchhikers Guide to theGalaxy
:I -- II By Sam Goldman
Douglas Adams, before he passed away, described as being staggeringly ordinary. He is The screenplay is full of funny
said that writing a screenplay was "like trying saved by Ford Prefect (Mos Def), who reveals to moments; fans of the book will know what I'm
to grill a steak by having a succession of people Arthur that he's actually an alien, and saves talking about when I refer to a whale and a bowl
coming into the room and breathing on it." He him by hitching a ride way, way out of town. of petunias. Kirkpatrick and Adams add some
should know; he was charged with writing the Throughout the movie, the two actors, play their other neat skits; an unforgettable sequence has
screenplay of The roles perfectly. Mos Def, the screen populated by knitted dolls.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the especially, showcases Trademark sly British wit is also on display
Galaxy, based on his book. some absolutely fantas- throughout; thanks largely to British actors
Unfortunately, he passed tic physical comedy Stephen Fry (who voices the Guide), Helen
away before he could com- skills. Mirren, and Bill Nighy. But the only point where
plete work on the screen- They end up in the movie fails is in the plot. Kirkpatrick and
play (thus his credit as co- the company of the vapid Adams attempt to force a more conventional
author with Karey President of the Galaxy, story structure into a movie that did not need
Kirkpatrick). Watching Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam one or want one, giving Beeblebrox a rival in
this movie, I think that, Rockwell), the gorgeous, cult leader Humma Kavula (John Malkovich),
while the movie has a doe-eyed Trillian (a who charges our heroes with a task to find a gun
slightly altered narrative pitch-perfect Zooey unlike any other in the galaxy, and focusing a
structure than the book, Deschanel), and the bit too much for my taste on the movie's love
and some parts fall flat, depressed robot Marvin story.
Adams would have been (hilariously voiced by Don't pay. attention. Just enjoy the ride.
happy with it. Alan Rickman) on a For those, who are fans of the book, the movie
The Hitchhiker ' s spaceship that looks like adds the little touches, like doors that ooh and
Guide to the Galaxy says a giant billiard ball. ahh with pleasantness, vanishing dolphins, bad
that the universe is "vast- Rockwell is part Dpbya cups of tea, and the book's asides, which mirror
ly, hugely, mind-boggling- caricature, part used-car those found in the book. For those whom the
ly big." The movie itself salesman, and part glam- movie is their first experience, they will gasp at
attempts to achieve the rock star. It is a sensa- Magrathea, the expansive planet-building plan-
same expansiveness tional performance, save et; the hideously ugly bureaucrats of the uni-
throughout; a good example tor a thoroughly annoy- verse, the Vogons; and the stunning answer to
of this is the full version of the scene, which' ing special effect which thankfully is excised as the meaning of life. Thanks to the all-around
you've no doubt seen by now on trailers and a plot device. With the help of the Guide (dreamt great acting performances, Adams' imagination
commercials, where the Earth is blown to up as a glorified tablet PC running Flash), they and some Hollywood magic, first-time director
smithereens. The lone survivor is Arthur Dent are able to get out of sticky situations and....you Garth Jennings has created an adventure as
(Martin Freeman of the infinitely superior BBC know I'm not quite sure what the hell happens, "mind-bogglingly big" as space itself.
version of "The Office"), a man who can best be honestly. Bring a towel.

Hitchhiker Guide to the


·-- I,.·, Galaxy:
· -
The Movie
By Dustin Herlich
Well, let's start oul this actually will make you
ing very simply that the novie, by the way, does pay
was true enough to the boi that series in one scene. I
make the geekiest of g iere was a little less love
happy, and sappy and s the movie, but that's just
enough that if you took a g due to my overly sour
to the movie with you, s 1 love in general. Maybe
might not run screamin attitude I have I'd make a
We'll reserve the screamir Dgon destructor fleet cap-
for the moment she sees yc hough, waiting for the cor-
Luke Skywalker shrine. T rwork so I can be cleared to
you'll be as depressed yperspace would definitely
Marvin (go see the movi me.
you'll know what I'm talkii The movie definitely had
The movie is riot a ne of my favorite book
shoot-'m-up action film cenes such as Vogon poetry
and it's not a ridiculous reading, and the represen-
Disney flick. It's a grea tation of the Magrathea fac-
example of British humo tory floor really impressed
that's actually funny. Th me.
movie pays homage to mI
smaller, nerdier details o I definitely give this movie
putting out an enjoyable pr hitchhiking thumb up.
was written by Douglas A st make sure that you go
the book, so it really car th a towel, wearing a bath
from what he was trying t( And beware the white
really seem to have unders
and modern visual effects
tice to the movie without
flashy and obnoxious.
For those of you th
Page 25
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Time for the coming of the
That's Happy green smoke Pope!
Birthday Mr.
not a President,
bull. Happy
Birthday to
you!
umnovea, alsregaraea,
I..
Sand ignored, the
Anthropomorphic US
Constitution finally
met his end at the When asked
hands of Congress... what he was
! And they trampled rebelling
the flowers. against he
responded,
"Whadya got?"
After his fami-
ly was killed
by the mafia
he set out to
purge the
world of evil. "I

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Up the flag polewithout a
The once, the tether...
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freeing
Excalibur.
DRUNKEN POPE TERROR ZES MANHATT Na
So, I thought it would be a good returned, indeed, with a makeshift Papal was angry that he had to come here
outfit and. Archimedes sitting all mellow and do this especially after all three of
idea to comsume mass quanities of them had come so far ... the cops were
on his shoulder. I went out and said "Hi"
malt liquor, dress uplike the pope and to them and took Archimedes and putting on their black gloves and I said
attend my friend's comic-book release scratched his belly as he curled up in my "please be aware he has a live rat in
party in NYC. arms, being cute and ratty. Terhost that black box" not knowing what else
to do, not wanting to seem like I was
The following account surfaced the showed up and Heidi came out and they
turning against anyone. The one thing I
next morning from- asked if that was one of mine. It all
seemed OK till we tried to go back in do know ... looking out for rats.
angelfire.com/ny3/devildoll/ or and the guy acting as bouncer, I think Meanwhile Alice from Karen Black
checkout- abbycomix.com his name was Chris, blocked James, who came up to the front door, smiling,
right away started to get hostile about glanced around at the scenario taking
it. I tried to get Ben or Tom or anyone place and we shot each other this look
Last night, was Abby's Dolltopia party and kind of simultaneously mumbled "I'll
at Jigsaw. I arrived a bit late, after who could resolve the matter and then I
found out Ben was not havin' it.. He see you inside". But fortunately, he left,
work, and things were already in full- and the cops took off their gloves, and
swing. It all seemed copasetic. I said, charged over there, looking all old-timey
and dapper with his antique cane and Ben told Tom he was welcome back any-
"Hi" and chatted with people while try- time but "not his friend" and I was pret-
ing to make my way back to the open red smokina iacket and all that, I'd
bar. Finally Patrick from Flaming Fire II
solved the drinking/socializing dilemma
by grabbing me an extra Yeungling
when he went back for one himself, and
I talked to Abby's mom. I heard from
Russ and Adam that "a crazy guy
dressed like the Pope had come in
and been hassling people, and
pissed on two cars out front after
he was asked to leave." I figured it
was James Blonde, as the description
also mentioned he had a rat. Saw Tom
there, who confirmed. Russ also had a
story about two belligerent Scotsmen
who'd stormed in and demanded to use
the bathroom. They, however, were rat-
less.
So, I think it was around the time I
was talking to Matt H. and Robin E.
about Keanu Reeves losing his lunch on
the highway and we were joking about
the fact that there's whole sites for that
kind of thing (hell, what isn't there a
'whole site for?), when James Blonde

photo's and pun, courtesy To The POPE of Greenwich Village.


MR. POPE-ULARITY Giatras.
Page 30
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Page 32
- · i-- I --
Fify Things
I
I Believe In
By Sam Goldman
This is the very last article I will write this year by a bunch of brainwashed, hate- Worthington, Mike Billings and Dustin Herlich
for The Stony Brook Press. filled thugs poorly masquerading as student was an awesome experience. I just wish I wasn't
Writing that statement, I know that's politicians. I guess no one cares if students are so messy.
bullshit. I'll be back, one way or another. But threatened, or alleged to be rapists in a public I believe that my friends make me feel like I am
for now, let's just pretend this is my final arti- forum, so long as no one's embezzling money, the most popular guy in the room even when it's
cle. It will be our little secret, okay? Okay. huh? hot remotely true.
I believe that those thugs found out what their I believe that being 70 miles away from my
I believe that everyone should take a walk tactics earned them this past weekend: Nothing. friends is an awful feeling.
around the place where they live once a day, not The people have spoken, and they don't like I believe that when I tell my kids about watch-
for exercise, but just to enjoy nature. People what you stand for, because they know you ing Tom Clark getting the largest scarification
don't go outside just for the sake of beidg out- stand for nothing but hatred. on record, that they will either look at me with
side and enjoying the outdoors anymore. I believe that the two biggest problems USG newfound respect, or ransack my closets looking
I believe that if I wasn't allowed to listen to faces have nothing to do with elections, political for drugs.
music anymore, I wouldn't be able to survive. parties, or club and organization rights. The I believe that The Stony Brook Press has changed
I believe that any kind of music performed live two big problems are that they are going to have my life in so many ways it would take another
has an energy that simply cannot be duplicated. a budget deficit every year; and that 90% of the list.
I believe in God. people on this campus could care less if USG I believe that The 'Press is in good hands with
I believe that what God wants most, overwhelm- were to vanish from the face of the earth. Rob Pearsall steering the ship.
ingly, is for us to take care of ourselves, each I believe, and I have said this before, many I believe that, when it comes to The Press, the
other, and the planet we live on, both spiritual- times over, that USG should be dissolved, and best is always yet to come.
ly and physically. that they should build a better student govern- I believe that the past three years have been the
I believe that politicians who use God's name to ment from scratch. most fulfilling of my entire life. I feel like I
promote some sort of political agenda will find I believe that I am sick and tired of talking finally know who I am as a person and what I was
themselves punished when the time comes. about student government. meant to do on this earth. And for that I thank
I believe God never intended for me to be a I believe that "Pizda Huyova" means "vagina of (in no particular order): Joe Filippazzo, Mike
dancer. the penis" in Russian. It was a funny pseudo- Billings, Jacquie Bachman, Dustin Herlich, DJ
I believe that people who live 2 houses apart nym while it lasted. But I think we need a new James Blonde, Ben Bravmann, Juliet DiFrenza,
should come outside and talk to each other in one. Bublz, Vincent Festa, Rob Gilheany, Paula Guy,
person instead of using email or phones, or Jackie Hayes, Steph Hayes, Adam Kearney, Bill
Facebook. Lewis, John Mascher, Jamie Mignone, Mike
I believe that Peter Luger's steaks are worth the Nevradakis, Andrew Pernick, Joey Safdia, Tom
money. Senkus, Christine Tanaka, Chris Williams,
I believe that those who are fortunate have an Brian Wong, Jess Worthington, Chrysti Price,
obligation to help those who are less fortunate. Rob Pearsall, Jowy Romano, Matt Willemain,
I believe that comics can be much more than just Mike Prazak, Joan Leong, Tom Clark, Cheryl
escapist art for geeky preteens; that they can Lynch, Leo Borovskiy, Fianna Sogomonyan, Joe
illuminate and stimulate just like books can. Rios, Meri Wayne, Marcel Votlucka, Melanie
Don't believe me? Pick up a copy of V For Donovan, Nicole Barry, David Ginn, Beverly
Vendetta. You won't regret it, I assure you. Bryan, Dan Hofer, Joe Hughes, Russ Heller,
I believe that Bill Maher is the most underrated Squirrel, Ceci Norman, Esam al-Shareffi, Norm
person on television. Prusslin, Ann Pashenkov, Ana Maria Ramirez,
I believe that Bill O'Reilly is the most overrat- I believe that the sexiest thing in the world to Joanne Marino, Sean Keane, Karen Hansen, Brian
ed person on television. Oprah is second. me is stimulating conversation. Libfeld, Adam Schlagman, Doug Barnum, Tim
I believe that there will be no National Hockey I believe that I fall in love with almost every Lackey, Jeff Licitra, Diana Post, Kristine
League next year. woman I talk to for more than twenty minutes.. Renigen, Steve Kreitzer, Godfrey Palaia, Tiffany
I believe that baseball is only worth watching if This inevitably sets me up for the disappoint- Russo, Brian Wasser (who I don't really know
you're there in person. ment that occurs when they don't feel the same but whose articles'are outrageously good),-Mike
I believe that Sam Adams is the best beer in the way. Yeh, Eric Bruzaitis, the late, lamented
world. I believe that the second sexiest thing in the Reformation, and all those people, on a national,
I believe I'd rather have some vodka. world is when a woman lets long hair flow down regional, and local level, who were stupid
I believe that I will call The Partisan by its her shoulders instead of tying it up into a bun. enough to give me stuff to write about. If there's
proper name when it proves to be worthy com- I believe that if you have conversations that anyone I missed, please email me and verbally
petition for The Press. start with "I bought this amazing Gucci purse kick my ass for a) thinking that naming people
I believe that if they are serious about making it that I'm gonna take with me to the club," then I would be a good idea when it is, in fact, a mon-
a true conservative paper and not the Anti- don't want to know you. umentally stupid one, and b) forgetting to
Press, if it can find its own identity, that it can I believe that if you have conversations that, include your name in it.
be worthy competition, and sooner rather than start with "Let's go have a picnic in Mendelsohn I believe that in 10 years, I'll be successfully
later. Quad; I'll bring some beers and reuben sand- running my own magazine that talks about pol-
I think that The Statesman has become com- wiches, and we can sit down and talk about the itics for people who don't really like politics. It
pletely and utterly inconsequential to the uni- meaning of life," then I want to know you. And will be modeled after the late JFK Jr's George
versity; almost like a printed version of white we should have that picnic. magazine, except without the glossy celebrity
noise. The University would do well to cancel I believe that the most beautiful girls I've ever pictures, and an emphasis on telling you, for
its subscription and give that money to Mike met all happen to have come around the Union instance, why exactly judicial appointments are
Nevradakis at The Independent so they can put basement at one time or another. I've always, so important and how they could affect the
out a paper version. always wanted to say that. And as shameless country and your life, instead of just what
I believe that WUSB is the most overlooked, and ridiculous as that statement sounds, it's .political parties are doing about it. I will fill
underappreciated, greatest thing this campus true. If you're looking for women with beauty the staff with as many ex-Press staffers as I
has. It's a shame people on campus can only get AND brains, there's no better place for you to could. I'll also have a side business (or at least
it if they are sitting at their PCs. And it's a go. some money invested in) running a bar with live
shame that the University doesn't remind peo- I believe that the biggest regret I have over the rock music. And every month those friends who
ple of what an awesome thing it has. past three years was that r never had someone happen to live close by will stop in for drinks,
I believe that our Vice President of Student special to share it with. some reminiscing about old times, and some
Affairs should actually care about student I believe that I love my family both in spite of discussifig the exciting new things they are
affairs. their opinions and because of them. They are working on.
I believe that Shirley Strum Kenny needs to my rock and my wheels. They ground me and I believe that if you ever want to say "hi" or "go
spend more time outside talking to students and yet they keep me moving forward. to hell," you should email me at
less time holed up in her office in Admin. I believe that harmlessly flirting with Amberly lamppost@ gmail.com.
I believe that the administration, at every level, Timperio is a hell of a lot of fun. I believe that, while "goodbye" would be the
has not done nearly enough to stop a willingness I believe that Beerfest can do without "boo's" standard way to end an article, like this, I'd
to threaten and defame from becoming valid and frat boys. rather end with something more hopeful, so...
methods of getting attention in student govern- I believe that living in the same house with peo-
ment. My friends were threatened several times ple like Joe Filippazzo, Mike Prazak, Jess I'll see you later.

Page 33
sopnical quandary. I preter to come at this from
PHYSI-CS a metaphorical angle taking into account theo-
ries of Naturalism, Ethics and the eternal strug-
gle between the external and the internal.
Mild mannered physicist Bruce Banner variety of reports say that instead, he would To begin with, we have Bruce Banner, a
was transformed into the Incredible Hulk when instantly experience a plethora of unpleasant man, who through his life has experienced some
he was exposed to a large quantity of gamma side effects that include extreme diarrhea, vom- evils and some goods. Abuse in his youth devel-
radiation from a nuclear explosion. What is iting of blood, epilation (loss of hair), severe oped in him a large amount of suppressed anger
most interesting about Mr. Banner's situation is fatigue, bloody gums, irreparable bo2ne and and rage. However, besides this set back, he was
that it was the catalyst for a new area of study marrow damage, severe skin burns, inflamma- able to excel as a physicist, propelling himself
in physics for the 2 0th century. The field,, tion of the stomach and pharynx, blindness, eventually into a high ranking governmental
which is now called Health Physics, concen- bloody discharge from the genitals, bowels and position. Thus, no extreme situations from
trates on the biological effects of harmful phys- kidneys, and a really bad fever. Death would either end of the spectrum individuate the char-
ical processes such as electromagnetic radia- follow within a minute or two. Everyone imme- acter from any other normal persons life: we've
tion. Health Physics was actually inspired by diately thinks "cancer" when they consider the all taken shits, we've all eaten shit. It was his
the devastation that the atomic bomb brought effects of high radiation exposure but I assure work with the Pentagon that led to him becoming
upon the Japanese cities of Nagasaki and you that this would be the least of Bruce's prob- exposed to the radiation that would serve as a
Hiroshima during the second World War; devas- lems. catalyst for his transformation into the Hulk.
tati6n that has been incredibly well researched Moving on, let's say that Bruce did in We are always led to believe that the
and will help us in our assessment of the fact survive and did in fact become the Hulk Hulk is part of Bruce Banner, that is to say, he
Incredible Hulk. whenever he lost his temper. In Banner, there is not an independent entity unto himself. But
First off, gamma radiation is not some is one part where Bruce tries to end his life in unlike his literary forefather, ,Dr.Jekyl, Bruce
mysterious green particle that bestows super a fit of desperation by placing a revolver in his Banner requires no potion to bring out his bes-
powers upon disillusioned physicists. (*sigh*). mouth and pulling the trigger. The next panel tial side, simply anger. But is he tapping into an
They are just very high frequency electromag- shows a confused Hulk spitting out a bullet. evil side of himself as an individual, or is he
netic waves and they are made of the same stuff What this suggests is that as soon as the shot tapping into the evil side of Humanity itself? If
as light. In fact, gamma radiation is definitely was fired, a defense mechanism in his body the fantasies of Naturalist philosophers are,
not green. Green light is green. Gamma radia- quickly changed Bruce into the invulnerable true, then the Hulk isn't really a manifestation
tion is emitted at a frequency too high for our Hulk. This seems a little fishy to me. Let's of his personal "evil" side, but of the violent
human eyes to detect and would therefore be review the facts... potential that always exists within men.
invisible. A bullet from the barrel of a revolver More specifically it could be the case
Marvel.com describes Bruce Banner as such as the one Bruce uses would have an initial that the Hulk doesn't show us the "evil" side of
having been at "the heart of a nuclear explo- velocity of about vi = 1650 ft/sec = 503 m/sec. man perse; but may give us access to the true
sion" when the bomb went off. To begin, let's Also, when one puts a gun in one's mouth, the nature of man. Schopenhauer was a fan of the
assume that the "gamma bomb" as Incredible barrel's end is typically pushed in until con- idea that man does not exist as an individual
Hulk #1 calls it, somehow had no thermal out- tact is made with the back of the mouth. This entity floating amidst a sea of other individuals.
put and was just an explosion which caused a means that the bullet must only travel about d = Our ideas of individualism are merely an illu-
huge flux of gamma radi before it has contact with flesh. sion, and the only chance of cessation of the tor-
For argument's sake, the brain would have very lit- ture and sadness that this idea inspires is
also say that "the heart" t before the bullet pierced the either through denial or submersion in the arts.
the detonation has a 10( t, the bullet would be able to As it stands, I have rarely seen the Hulk sport-
radius and our protago the skin in about .00000001 ing a beret and paintbrush, or carting his Cello
nist was just inside the .ds. Assuming that Bruce's through the subway for lessons at Lincoln
region in question. If 1kification is like a reflex Center, thus I am led to believe that he actually
Bruce had indeed been vhere the signal from the stim- represents a failed attempt at denial of this
exposed to the initia ulus must only travel to the "reality." The anger caused by the lack of iden-
blast of gamma radiat spinal cord before a motor tity his confrontation with "reality" causes,
from such a explosion, impulse can be triggered, it manifests itself in a raging green behemoth bent
that it would be safe to s vould still take about 20 mil- on mindlessness.
only incredible thing •onds, or .02 seconds, for the It is this mindlessness that embodies
would be the speed at e that he had been shot to the Hulk that provides Dr. Banner with the
dies. the Hulk. This is a bit of a denial of the illusion of identity. Only as this
- The lethal d( ;nt since Bruce would have to engine, of destruction, single-minded, and pri-
gamma radiation for the ie sort of neurotransmitter that mal, does the utter despair and ennui of 'reali-
human being is about 40( avel at least 1000000 m/sec to ty" fade. Fueled by whatever rage served as the
rad. At a distance of 1 is life. trigger, Banner maintains the blissful ignorance
however, Bruce would h iclosing, there are a lot of dis- of the Hulk so long as he remains angry. Once
gotten an even dose of oN ies in the Hulk's powers and the anger fades, he again descends into his trag-
110 Grays, which is equi king them is incredibly irri- ic pessimistic valley of "reality," awaiting
alent to about 117,0 ;, frustrating and just plain another surge of anger to free him again. It
rad. That's 234 times tl. ing. On that note, I think I'll dawns on me that the Marvel Universe would be
lethal dose of gamm uis installment of The Living saved a large deal of destruction and death if the
radiation. He would not se you don't want to see me Hulk could play the guitar, or took up the mouth
become the Hulk. A harp.

Page 34
4sk
Ve ighbor
PSYCHOLOGY
As the Incredible Hulk, Bruce Banner is essen-
tially split into two people; his natural personality of the
Snything
gentle scientist, and the guise of the aforementioned ram-
paging Hulk. While one's instinctual explanation for this
phenomenon, psychologically speaking, would be to
assume that Banner is simply suffering from a mutated
form of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). The truth Dear Neighbor,
behind his involuntary transformations, however, is a Is there a "proper way" to eat soup? I love soup, but whenever I'm over my
much more complicated matter. Before we get into that, it friend's house his family looks at me strangely whenever I eat it. It doesn't matter if
is imperative that Banner's DID is affirmed. First of all, it's clam chowder, chicken noodle, broccoli with cheese, beef and vegetable, minestrone
Banner has the Hulk as an alter who takes over in threat- or cream of celery. No matter what, they all think I'm rude or something. Am I doing
ening, situations whose actions are rarely remembered by something wrong? Please help me.
Banner after fhe fact. In addition to this, Banner was
abused by his alcoholic father as a child and wi'tnessed Not Soup-er in Arkansas,
the murder of his mother by that selfsame father. Throw
in the depression, mood swings, and suicidal ideations Dear Not Soup-er,
that Banner experiences, and DID is a go. I am ageless and omnipotent. My empire of child porn, which will one day be
Although the DID has been well established, the known to every living soul in our dimension, could easily shatter the petty mishaps of
issue is far more complicated. While Banner has been any industry known to date. I have been unmasked, and my time has come. FIRST, THE
split into two partially separate entities, most people are, FALL OF ROME! NOW, THE RISE OF NEIGHBOR!!!
at least according to psychodynamic lore, actually divid-
ed into three subtypes; the id, the ego, and the super ego.
Oddly enough, Banner only displays two of these sub-
types. As the Hulk, Banner's id is completely unleashed. Dear Neighbor,
For those who aren't privy to turn-of-the-century psy- This is my first semester at college, but already I can see how tough it's going
chological theory, the id is basically the driving force of to be. Nothing is as easy as I thought it would be, and now I'm afraid I'll fail every-
thing. I've always failed. I've never been anything but a failure to everyone. I know
survival. It demands satiation at all times, regardless of
the consequences. It reacts completely instinctually in I'll never stop letting everyone else down, but can't I at least make myself proud just
every situation, and the main driving force is the acqui- once? I've never known what it's like to be proud of myself and who I am. I wish just
sition of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. The Hulk is once these tears of shame could be tears of content. What can I do to help myself?
a perfect physical representation of the Hulk; a mindless
beast driven by anger and fear. Acting as an unbridled Failure in Maine
force of nature, the Hulk is an example of the destruction
Dear Failure,
that would be wrought if people operated without the mit-
I am ageless and omnipotent. I have meddled my godly hands in the true blue
igating forces of the ego and the super ego.
As the manifestation of the super ego, lanner is water of underage eye-candy. My collection of purified youngsters has rightly
declared me the deity I truly am! Yes, my dear friend. My time has' come. FIRST, THE
the Hulk's mitigating force. Normally, the super ego can
be described as one's conscience, a force that provides a FALL OF ROME! NOW, THE RISE OF NEIGHBOR!!!
sufficient amount of anticipatory guilt to prevent the gen-
eral populace from raping and pillaging at whim. Banner
is a completely repressed individual who is mostly bereft
Dear Neighbor,
of any significant amounts of pleasure due to the possi-
I heard your column is moving to The Statesman. Is this true? Everywhere I go
bility of turning into a thoughtless maelstrom of pain.
that's what people are saying. I really like your column, and I wonder why you'd ever
Banner seems to be-the consequence of a person who allows
himself no joy whatsoever, a miserable human being prone want to switch papers. Well, hopefully this is all just a big rumor. Keep us informed.
to snap at any second. After the Hulk goes on one of his
Not-Wanting-You-To-Leave in Michigan
infamous rampages, Banner is left to bear the entirety of
the guilt, a burden that forces him to attempt suicide by
Dear Not-Wanting-Me-To-Leave,
shooting himself in the mouth.
I am ageless and omnipotent. My grand and golden library of childhood smut is
The problem here is that Bruce Banner is missing
the essential third part of the Freudian psyche; the ego. enough to take the breath away from the most noble man. All shall bow down before
me as I unleash my most deadly weapon of masturbation and truly show you all what
The ego is the mitigating force between the id and the
child porn is all about! You all will see, and you all will be humble. The new age of
super ego. Acting as a balancer, the ego manifests itself
as the human personality. In missing this component, porn has begun! FIRST, THE FALL OF ROME! NOW, THERISE OF NEIGHBOR!!!
Bruce Banner has no mediator between the diametric
VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!
opposites of the id and super ego. This is the effect that
caused Banner to attempt suicide. Since there was noth-
ing between the two aforementioned subtypes, the super
ego was forced to take direct action against the id in order
to end the perennial remorse that was levied upon it, In
other words, Bruce Banner, despite having DID, is actual-
ly less of a person than everyone else.

The Living Tribunal is:


Joe Filippazzo, Michael Billings
and Michael Prazak
Lost- The st Damn Show On TV - Vo1 2
- I --- ,,,
Have you been watching? No? Well, then
II I I
the return of his own physical disability.
-- By David K. Ginn
you've missed out. It's been a while since we've Meanwhile, back at camp, Sawyer's got
sat around here, had our tea, and discussed the headaches and Jack is just a little reluctant to Episode 20: Do No Harm
plusses and minuses of this show. Let's take the try and help him. After Boone's tragic accident in the jun-
time to do this now. gle, Jack tries desperately to save his life.
Here are the episodes we'ye covered so Review: Meanwhile, Locke is missing and some people
far: Wow. Locke's second episode, while def- want to know where he's gone to, and what exact- -
initely not "Walkabout", is still visually and ly happened between him and Boone. Also, to
Episode 1: Pilot (Part 1) emotionally stunning. Terry O'Quinn (Locke) top it all off, Claire develops a trouble of her
Episode 2: Pilot (Part 2) delivers an amazing performance- possibly even own- she's having the baby.
Episode 3: Tabula Rasa
Episode 4: Walkabout Review:
Episode 5: White Rabbit This episode made me cry many times.
Episode 6: House of the Rising Sun It was moving, gripping, and kept me in. sus-
Episode 7: The Moth pense the entire time. Jack gives his best per-
Episode 8: Confidence Man formance in the series, and despite everything
Episode 9: Solitary else going on we still learn some interesting
Episode 10: Raised by Another things about his past, which provide insight on
Episode 11: All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy exactly why he does certain things and why he
Issues has trouble "letting go". What also stands out in
Episode 12: Whatever the Case May Be this episode is the emergence of Jin as a truly
Episode 13: Hearts and Minds involved and nearly heroic character. Also, Sun
Episode 14: Special gives her best performance of the series as she
Episode 15: Homecoming plays level-minded nurse to Jack's obsessed-
Episode 16: Outlaws surgeon. The interaction between her arid Jin
(remember they are, as of this point, estranged)
Now we move on to the most recent works on so many levels. She translates for him
episodes. as he plays the part of the heroic messenger to
the far-away and in-labor Claire, and he's faced
Episode 17: ... In Translation with the awkward situation of having to talk
.When the raft Michael and some of the other through her, despite the fact they haven't seen
survivors have been building mysteriously each other since they separated. This episode
burns down in the night, Jin is accused of the ties some things together, but opens a lot more
sabotage and made to pay. Meanwhile, we learn up. Great job.
some new details about how Jin ended up on the ********* (9 out of 10)
island and some revealing information about his
past with Sun. better than in "Walkabout". What we finally see
is that there is more than one side to every
Review: character, and even someone as great and wise as Lost: The Journey
Thank God for this episode. This episode was Locke has his demons, and his flaws. As a side
brilliantly written, directed, arid performed. note, the conflict between Sawyer and Jack is A re-cap of the on-island events that
At long last we finally have Jin's side of the hysterical. have happened since the tragic crash of Oceanic
story, and against all expectations he turns out Flight 815, told in a linear fashion and meant to
to be a good guy after all. Actor Daniel Dae Kim ******** (8 out of 10) catch new viewers up to speed.
(Jin) gives a stunning and emotionally moving
.--. . .----
-----
-.--.-.
. . . . . .. . .
performance, by far his greatest of the series so
far. Apart from that the episode still manages HOURS" .S
to hold its ground with the other elements.
Michael slips into a one-dimensional "violent
Every av 10AM to 9PM
Sunday 10AM t<
. "A
(,(.
SV- -I"-T AJ
side" that somehow still comes off as honest and
multi-dimensional. Some of the other survivors
show their true stances when faced with such a
sudden catastrophe, and all-in-all the sur'
vivors begin to take a new, more focused turn.
********* (9 out of 10)

Episode 18: Numbers


Hurley is amazed when Sayid shows him- -
some of Rousseau's notes- and they match some-
FO)UR~TH WORL COMICS . . D

thing important from his past. Charlie, Sayid, .33 Route I11, Snmithtow,.NY 11787.
and Jack have no choice but to follow Hurley
into the jungle as he searches for the answer to (Hilside Shopp-gnete}
_ I si " "g.5. C
p.p""""..... e•n...

how he got there and why his life turned out the
way it- did.

Review:
The Hurley episode. Fina-fucking-lly.
It's about time.. His episode is great. The STAR TREEK* OR WHOý*II, S R WARS
insights into his past are stunning, revealing,
and often quite funny. The rest of the episode
works wonderfully; watching Hurley become
SCIENCE FICTION POSTERS- * TSHIRTS,
badass is something worth watching more than
once.
JAPANIMATION ..V.IDEO.TAPE.- -S-:-..:MOD.EL KITS
MtAGIC..-TH E iUM
., T...:-A.m:xI
ERiNG.

DISCO'**'
******** (8 out of 10) m

....
.....
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............. .
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R ...
....
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........
0

....
Episode 19: Deus Ex Machina
When Locke and Boone fail in their
attempts to open the mysterious hatch, Locke
starts to feel. the effect of his troubled past- and

Page 36
...........
......
...........
.......... . .....
...........
.....
......
.....
.......
Los- The Best ;Damn Show On TV- Vo 1.2
i '' -I I I I- I By David K. Ginn i·I I

loyal viewers by showing a re-cap episode that for it, no problem. Simply go onto Amazon.com
Review: they lied right out in the open to us. Oh well. and pre-order the DVD for 33% off, right now.
Life goes on, I guess. Yes, even though the show isn't finished yet, you
Oh boy, where to begin? This was not If you are a new viewer and would like to can still pre-order the DVD. Oh, the joys of
good. This was definitely not good. This was get caught up, I do recommend watching the capitalism when it actually worksfor you. ... Or
something that had ",Corporate Network" written episode. It's quite informative and very effi- does it? Well, either way, there should be a nice
all over it. Alright, maybe it was halfway cient in what it actually does do. Conveniently, pretty picture of the DVD squeezed somewhere
decent in and of itself, and yeah it probably the entire episode is up on the ABC website for on this page as well.
caught many people up with the show, but it was anyone to watch. If you want to check it out, go So long everybody, and until we meet
goddamn disappointing for anyone who's seen here: again, "It's Hurley time!!!" Well, no, not really,
all the episodes. Just so you know what I'm www.lost.abc.com but... shit, you'd to have to have seen the Jimmy
talking about, here's why I'm so drastically dis- There's no downloading or anything. All Kimmel special to know what I'm talking about.
appointed: you have to do is click on the little thing and If you haven't, then find it and watch it. It's
The ABC (official, fucking official) web- then start watching. It should be about forty funny.
site AND T.V. Guide both summarized the show minutes long. So long, my friends.
as a useful guide which would show the charac-
ters' back stories in linear fashion as well as IMPORTANT: If you do watch this and nothing "Doctor, you've been holding out on us. "- John
uncover some of the mysteries that have been else you are missing out on the one thing that Locke (the character, not the philosopher)
surrounding the island. The episode, according makes this show so damn interesting: the flash-
to them, would allow new viewers to catch up backs. None of the stuff you'll see in the re-cap
while also providing new information for loyal has much significance without the true essence
viewers. Unfortunately, my internet's not, of the show to back it up. My advice to you is to
working right now, so I can't get you a direct SEE THE EPISODES. They're forty minutes each The Lost Calendar
quote, but trust me. It was all screwed up. and they're available in more places than you
The interesting thing is that the episode think.
was completely different than it was advertised Episode 21 - The Greater Good
by the network. After each episode we're given If you would like a copy of an episode, or of
video promos of the next episode, and these are many episodes, simply bring a blank CD down to Wednesday, May 4 - 8pm
all so hysterically misleading they only serve The Press office and ask for David. If I'm not
two purposes: 1) To give you glimpses and there, leave me the CD and your name. Two
images from the next episode, and 2) to show episodes will fit on the CD, and the labor is well Episode 22 - Born to Run
you the glorious wonders of editing. The T.V. worth getting more people to see the show.
Guide blurb and the ABC description were not Wednesday, May 11- 8pm
video promos, however, and it is my personal Alright, well, I hope this was informative for
belief that even if ABC and T.V. Guide were to everybody. If this issue comes out before
mislead you they should not be allowed to lie. Wednesday night (shyeah, right) you'll all have Episode 23 - Exodus (Part 1)
What's interesting is that we never saw a time to read this before Episode 21 - The
promo trailer for "Outlaws" in which the narra- Greater Good. It airs at 8pm Wednesday. Wednesday, May 18 -8pm
tor says "And Sawyer murders Jack". This is
what the promo trailer we saw was meant to After that there's an absolutely gor-
imply, but it was only misleading and they geous lineup, which can be found in the little Episode 24 - Exodus (Part 2)
never lied. box somewhere on this page. Episode 25 - Exodus (Part 3)
This episode, however, was a lie. It was
an intentional lie devised to pull in new viewers Lastly, the complete first season of Lost
for May sweeps while not losing any viewers for will be available on DVD in September. If you Wednesday, May 25 - 8pm - 10pm
the week. ABC was so afraid they would lose the don't want to pay the hefty moola they're asking
:- . .....
,- I

Haiti Uncovered
By Jackie Hayes
violence and the depletion of resources, includ-
ing clean drinking water. The US' interventions
report it to the police because they will rape in Haitian affairs have not improved any of these
you." Another boy, Jeremy, whom Duff had problems. If anything, the continued interfer-
worked with at the children's radio station, went ence of the European and US governments in
into hiding following the ousting of Aristide. Haiti have been a major cause of their economic
He later -discovered his grandmother was exe- woes. Everything dating back to slavery and
cuted when demobilized soldiers went to his colonialism along with structural adjustment
house looking for him. programs, the support of dictatorships, and the
When asked why she thought the US' was arming of defunct militias have forced Haiti into
involved in the removal of Aristide she stated, a state of dependency on the United States. We
"the US has a fear, an obsession with controlling are setting a sad example for the world and can-
politics in other countries. The President not expect to aid Haiti or promote democracy by
[Aristide] was not in the US' interest and there continually robbing them of their sovereignty.
is a lot of money to be made in the exploitation The removal of Aristide is another
of Haiti, in the control of imports to Haiti." depressing example of how US intervention has
only resulted in increased political chaos, vio-
Future of Haiti lence and economic 'devastation. Regardless of
In both the interviews with Lyn Duff and one's views towards Aristide, he was democrat-
Georges Fouron they predicted a grim future for ically elected by an overwhelming majority. If
Haiti. Provincial elections are scheduled for the general population did, in fact, feel Aristide
this coming October and presidential elections needed to be removed, it is the duty and the
are scheduled for November, yet with increased right of Haitians to do so.
violence and chaos it is difficult to see how
these elections will be considered legitimate.
Some political parties, including Aristide's
Lavalas party, have not come out in support of
the upcoming elections and some plan to boy-
cott.
Aside from political conflicts, Haiti
continues to be faced with economic devastation,
Page 37
/ _ _

Warrior's Ri
By Bill Lewis
In each person's lifetime one has to ask and two feet wide. Thankfully, I was allowed to cusp of joining something bigger and deeper in
"why" when they look back at the events that use a shovel that the Druid had with him. With meaning than what you have heard of or been
took place in their short life. It is within our- the sun setting in the sky bathing the land in part of. This happens to be one of the feelings
nature as a race of living beings that we long to orange light I sat before the Druid, talking to that you undergo at a rare few times in your life
understand ourselves and the world around us. him of the deeds of the warriors in the days of here, a feeling that you can only wish to hold on
At times, we wish to do this by means of science, lore. to until the end of your days so that you can
religion, or even times of apathy. For me and a With the two days left before Beltane I bask in the ecstasy of everything around you.
growing number of people here (state-side) it is was back in the woods that I had to ready for my With the start of the day, the Druid that I had
the need to trace our family's blood lines. My rite of passage. The Druid stood before me been working with over the period of three pre-
blood is of Irish decedent. We (the Irish) are a holding onto his staff, telling me to clear away vious days had come to my home to take me to
proud group, full of life and fire, and not at all any stones and large rocks that lay on the the woods that would serve to start the path that
like the stereotypical alcoholics that'some self- ground in the area wherein my rite was to take I would walk along. As I entered the clearing
-- 1 - l- 14 -A1
l •- .Ir-4- 4-, -4.T 1 %
e,1 S-. T I , ,. . - '
hating Irish like to think of themselves as. It place. All I LIIXe
L+
cn o1 my last iew
C"....

was not until I started to walk along the path of remove were to I reeted by numerous
Paganism that I found myself a member of the. nearby hill where 1 of whom were part
Celtic Warriors that happen to be few in number rest in the sunligl ae Pagan Path that I
in the Pagan life. I had completed m ning and all of the
No longer are we cattle that are made to the Druid rea a that I was to join
enter the island of tears, being ripped from our behind himself member.
homes and families. We, the young, walk forth handed me a sm There, at the pit
with our heads held high for who we are. In the hand-ax, telling mr iat I had dug, was a
modern days, a "Celtic Warrior" is, in the Pagan to go out into th( ire that was blaz-
world, your primary caste within a group that woods to cut down ing with cattle
you practice with. As well, being known as a and bring him the cooking over it.
Celtic Warrior is also a'reflection of one's caste "best cut" wood The trench as well
within life. Being a warrior brings with it a that I could find. was filled with
manner of respect for others within your prac- With nothing to burning wood, the
tice. It also means that you have to stand side- use as a pack, I glowing embers of
by-side with your friends and family support- had to walk into which had a mys-
ing all of their fights, putting your needs to the the woods until I tical glow about
side so that you can help them. By no means are found some hem. The tree that
we to be meek or to raise our hands to another downed tress. had stripped and
being in anger or rage, but only to defend our- gathered the wo inted over was
selves and others around us. For most people and used vines pped in purple
this path is not one to been taken lightly, and by bind them togethe and stood in the
no means are you to do this alone at all. At travel. With the of the gathering,
times it is due to this life that we hear others the sun bathing mo s if it was ready to
(the Druids) call this a "path of tears." my way back to th SSome of the peo-
The first thing that must be understood "inspected" the w( ie gathering stood
"A.1- " A. AA,1 _ - 1 - --
is that each person who walks the Pagan path tnat tne wooa was not rignt; I naa to go, tall, ana proua witn arums, flutes, ana
enters into it via different rites of passage. The back and travel farther to gather the needed bag pipes by their sides smiling at me as I
rites of passage are different from the main wood. I did as I was told and I made three dif- walked passed them. As I moved forward, the
Pagan Tradition you hold true to. As well, they ferent bundles, each bound together with vines. Druid walked past me and stood alongside the
differ from groups of people that practice With one bundle strapped to my back and one in people with the instruments. Upon hearing a
together in what is called a Coven, or in my case each hand, I made my way back to the Druid, word he uttered, three ladies in there mid-20s
a Tuatha, the caste that you join, and finally feeling myself drained from what I had to do. walked forth towards me, their hair ranging in
from what your own personal views hold for you After the Druid had looked the wood bundles different colors of fire blow and flowed in waves
to do. The rites of passage a person undertakes over I was told to move the stones and rocks that of fiery silk that trailed behind them. As they
are meant to bring that person closer to the Gods were on the hill in the sunlight into a shape of gathered around me they had me take off my
and Goddesses and to open the person up to the a triangle. shirt and the boots that I had put on telling me
bonds that are formed with the people that they On the last day before Beltane, the Druid in Irish Gaelic,-"Stand tall, warrior, for the
are joining. There are people of the Pagan and had me strip the bark of three different trees world is yours."
Wicca religions that 1 e my rite was to take With two strikes of a base drum by the
or that don't even take wist the bark togeth- Druid, the hollow sounds radiated into my body
these religions. This rm of line. Handing and over the nearby tree next to which I had
all about being a b< ie bark twine, I was been standing. Everyone gathered along the
person than you were hat I had to pick the sides of the trench as the Druid took to my side
It was three it I had shaved the and lead me to the end of the trench's length.
Beltane (May 1) when r my rite. At no time All along the sides of the trench stood people
ed to ready myself to n what he meant or with blue symbols pained on their faces and
in my rite of passage to do the next day as along there arms. Facing the trench they held
my Warrior Caste. I ny rite. I went and out shields and swords that they pointed sky-
fast from food and at the largest tree ward. As the last of them took their place a man
have very little to s in the middle of on the opposing side of the trench stepped forth.
The days were spe ing that I had He looked as if he was in his late 30s early 40s.
making my body and I of bark. With blue Dressed in dark brown leather and adorned in a
ready for what I saw the Druid instructed gold arm band, silver necklaces, and a crown he
ing the trials of F to go paint the called out to me by name. He told me that his
Earth, Air, Water, ai querta on the tree title is "Chieftain" and that it was up to me to
Blood. Following th th the Nonegram at walk along the path before which I stood. I was
rites of my Tuatha, chest level; I had to informed by him of the dangers of this under-
had to ready the lan y the paint on the taking that I wished to embark upon which, I
in the woods in whic e by blowing air was told, would put my life at risk on that day.
we were to gather the paint.- None of that mattered to me for I was there look-
Beitane unaer the watcn ana supervi- neitane naa enterea tnat aay ing for something that went farther then the
sion of one of the Druidic order. The first main with a roar of power that seemed to wash over: means of flesh could ever go. The "Chieftain"
task set forth to me by the Druid was for me to every aspect of life. To date I feel my Irish had called out to the Druid and asked him if I
dig a deep pit for a fire by means of my own Blood burning like I have never felt before with completed all the tasks that were set forth
hands, without any tools. It was after I had dug a kind of energy that was unknown to me before before me and if I was ready to do the trials of
the pit with stones and my own hands that I was this day. There is a lack of words that I can use the different elements. With a nod from the
instructed to make a shallow trench that was to describe what I felt or allow others to know
about an inch deep, running three yards long how it feels in your heart and soul to be"on the

Page38
Wamors Rtite
By Bill Lewis
My right arm was tried to the tree with a Within the tub of water I could hear the drums
leather cord that ran up along the tree; the cord pounding around me as the water turned red
Druid a medium-sized stone that weighted at was pulled until I was standing upright on my from my blood that was slowly swirling upwards
lest 25 pounds was dropped next to me. toes with my right arm held high. As I stood and around me in the water. There in the water
Wrapping my left arm in the cord that I had there the "Chieftain" stepped forth towards me my blood slowly swirled and danced up wards to
made the other day from tree bark, the Druid holding a ritual dagger over which the Druid the surface of the water as I laid there with in
uttered a prayer to me as the "Chieftain" called had poured blue water, covering the blade with' the tube.
out to me telling nme to bring forth to him "the water that dripped down to the ground. I was Feeling something pulling me I sat
weight of pain" that laid next to me. told by the "Chieftain" that warriors must be upright in the tub, sending droplets of water out
I stood before the edges of the trench ready to bleed for what they believe in, for of the tub and onto the land. I sat there, shiv-
holding this heavy stone that was making my blood is part of who we are; he then asked me if ering from the cold water, as the Druid came
arms ache from holding this stone of burden- I wanted to cut myself or did I want someone over to me and helped me out of the water slow-
some weight. The heat from the burning embers else to cut me along my chest. Looking him in ly, only telling me I was in the water far longer
was blinding me in the waves that arose from-the the eyes I asked for the blade which I then used than I thought. Once out of the water one of the
ground. The people gathered along the sides to cut across my upper chest, across my mid- young ladies that had stood with me as I
started to clap their shields together as I drew chest just under my breastbone, and along my removed my shirt came forward in a long flow-
my breath into my lungs, setting forth onto the lower ribs. Some of the people there turned ing dress that hugged her body with every step
path along which I wished to travel- With each their heads away as blood dripped out into a that she took. She walked around me rapping me
step of my feet I felt and heard the steady slow pour from my wounds and bathed my body in a purple robe, drying me off and keeping me
crunch of the embers with the sound of grinding crimson red. warm. As she was doing that the "Chieftain"
popcorn that sent heat rushing up my legs to I arched my head to my side as I cried called out to me, telling me that I was now part
end at my shoulders that were hurting from aloud of all of the warriors of lore from Ireland. of the Warrior's caste since I had completed all
holding the stone. Only a few steps into my A metal tub filled with ice and water was of the tasks that were set before me. With that,
path, I felt like I almost fell as I was yearning to dragged before my hanging body. As I looked music filled the air around us as we broke out
quit; but the people at the sides of the trench down at the ground below me, my blood had ran into a feast and a celebration for my joining part
shouted aloud wild cries of encouragement as I down long my legs and mixed with the earth of the Warrior's caste.
locked eyes with the ghost-blue eyes of the below my feet into a mud-like mix. With only a I am Pagan, part of the Celtic Warriors
"Chieftain." Somehow I was able to muster the nod from the "Chieftain," I was cut from the Caste. There is a statement that has always
strength to go on farther and reach the end of tree, falling onto the ground and rolling onto my stayed with me, said to me by a Roman Catholic
this path of fire that I was walking. After I had back. There, on the ground, I was too weak from Priest after he found out that I joined the Pagan
reached the end of my arduous path of burning pain and the lack of food; I was picked up by two world. "May God be with you and bless you.
embers I dropped my burden before the other people and placed into the tub of ice May you live to see your children's children.
"Chieftain's" feet. He merely nodded to me to water. A breathing tube was placed in my May you be poor in misfortune and rich in
show that he was happy that I was able to com- mouth so that I could breathe and then my head blessings, from this day forward and in days to
plete the path I had walked to him and then he went under the water with the rest of my body. come."
told me to go the tree rapped in purple.

To Have Been Loved and Lot..@ Sny B ok


;· By Noha Aladdin Elfar
only speak about my own race, however, things
In the beginning of September, confu- cried together. Through thick and thin he was
sion, fear, and intimidation were the feelings always there... but all that came to a complete like this happen in every existing society.
that came about on my first day at Stony Brook halt, when the whispers began to turn into Slowly but surely, I pushed my best
especially being an Arab-American Muslim rumors. Rumors of hate that enables one to ruin friend away. From ignoring phone calls to
female; trusting and devotion was a struggle. a person's name; that in which sliced through avoiding him on campus, led to me breaking his
However all that vanished when I took that my heart because I finally realized that my own heart several times. As time went on, ,hearing
faithful step into the "commuter lounge" (a.k.a from his friends about how badly I hurt him and
the hangout spot). It was apparent that the peo- how much he missed me, made me cry myself to
ple there had already known one another so an sleep. The pain continued until he decided to
introduction was necessary. One by one, I was break loose and we both went our separate ways.
introduced to the people who would soon be a I realize now that I hurt him so much. It's like
big part of my life but only one stood out... being abandoned on a cold rainy day with no
He was Haitian, as Haitian as they get. umbrella. I used to be his umbrella; I used to be
His dark complexion and his outstanding smile his everything and now nothing...not even a
had me at "hello." It was that moment that we smile.
instantly connected. Days, weeks, and months Giving into the pressures of society, I
went on and we grew fonder of each other. It's realized it the hard way, that he was the only
true what they say, "Love is blinding." one who truly cared and loved me with every
Especially to all cultural and religious bound- aching bone in his heart and soul. It's been two
aries, which eventually became a struggle. years since I first laid eyes on him and the
Me, being an Arab, automatically puts tingly feelings haven't stopped. But now the
me in a social standard. How to dress, walk, talk, tables have turned and as I try to touch base
act and even breathe made a difference. Stony with him and rekindle what once was, it seems
Brook, having a large Arab community, being almost impossible. Is it too late? -Why was I so
watched and judged is constantly a fear espe- caught up in being accepted? See, no matter how
cially in a woman's life. Finding herself was much you try, people will always .have some-
limited to only what was acceptable. Through thing to talk about whether you give it to them
this pain, whispers of voices taunted my ear or not. Through all these lessons that I was
constantly. As if I was reaching my hand out to forced to learn, I realized that I love him, loved
him and everyone else kept pushing it away. him and will always love him. And it was all my
"It's for your own good." "You'll struggle." fault for letting such a beautiful person slip
'"What are you thinking?" Only to name some of through my fingers due to the taunting whispers
the few "advices" that were given. people could stab me in the back. Living in their that shouldn't matter nor stand in the way of
It's difficult to find yourself when old world and their orthodox, hypocritical something so perfect.
everyone tries to shape you. Distinguishing thoughts made me sway in order to gain respect How the story will end we may never
between cuflture and religion is almost impossi- and acceptance by my peers. And I ask myself, know but a lesson learned to all females; don't
ble. Only those who were warned or have previ- "why must an Arab woman shape herself to gain let the world shape who you are and mostly who
ous experiences know best. Naive and scarred, I an unspoken mutual respect while Arab men you love. Hold on to it with a tight grip, in a
pushed him away, convincing myself that we aren't put under the same microscope of manner that doesn't cross your religious bound-
could never be. Despite our struggle we became shame?" And not just Arabs but all men, who aries, because in the end ONLY GOD CAN
the greatest of friends. We talked, laughed and belong to a cultural or ethnic background. I can JUDGE.
Page 39
H-Fest Bringing Fun to On-Campus Weeker ids
By Joe Rios
On the last day of April, the weather had relax and socialize in a more quiet environment These events help prove that as long as you have
hardly gone out "Like a Lamb", but that didn't at the end of the night. your eyes open, you can never say that there is
stop the coordinators of H-fest from having a Of course such an event wouldn't have nothin'g to do on our campus!
good time! Despite the steady rains, from 1-5 been possible if it wasn't for the extreme dedi-
p.m. in the Benedict College Atrium in H-Quad, cation of the building LEG's, the planning com-
residents from across campus came together to mittee, and of course their sponsors. When it
have a good time. comes to sponsors, special thanks are due to
H-Fest has struggled to become a tradi- Cindy Lake and the H-Quad office, Manny
tion in H-Quad over the years, but this year it London and the Undergraduate College of
managed to come back in full force, bringing a Leadership and Service, the Dean of Students
little life to an otherwise boring Saturday. office, Administration, and of course, The Press
Besides residents and commuters, H-Fest also for giving us ad space when we were thoroughly
invited residents from Maryhaven Assisted out of money.
Living, as a way to outreach to the community. Overall, the event was very well received
H-Fest featured a slew of entertainment in my eyes, and as one of the members of the
from New York Fun Factory, including Fortune team that made this event possible, I was greet-
Telling, Temporary Tattoos, carnival games, and ed with many thanks from the Maryhaven resi-
9 holes of miniature golf. The program organiz- dents as they were leaving, and everyone there
ers also hosted 3-legged races, a tug of war, live seemed to have a good time.
music, lots of free food, drinks, cotton candy Of course H-Fest is not the only, nor is
and popcorn, and best of all, a drag show. The it the first, large carnival-type event to take
drag show was mostly for laughs but there were place on this campus on the weekends. For a
three particularly entertaining and convincing while now, LEG's and various campus groups,
contestants, known as "Candy", "Peaches" and including COCA, have worked to make sure that
"Flava-Dave." there is always something to do on campus on
Each building in the quad wrapped up the weekends. A prime example of this is the
for the night by showing movies in the privacy "Mendy Extravaganza", an event similar to H-
of their Lounges, giving residents a chance to Fest, which took place the day after H-Fest.

Four Years, One Editor's Review of Life,


Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness at
tony Brook University
By Dustin Herlich
Holy rustedmetal Batman! I've been at campus events and showing more care in the Thank you for never, ever acknowledging
Stony Brook for four years now! Crap. Mention day-to-day student life on campus would go a the awards we have won over the years from
my name around campus, and chances are you'll long way. Being close with certain Statesman Newsday and others. Also, thanks for never
get a reaction. From Dr. Kenny on down, I think Editors really doesn't help the image most of the acknowledging any of the things The Press has
it's safe to say that even if you've never met me, campus population may have of you. Get to know done such as the SBDV Fest, concerts, our 2 5 th
you've heard of me and/or seen my work. From some more of the proletariat; you may improve anniversary, etc, etc. It really means a-lot to me,
articles in the papers to appearances on radio morale. and my fellow media members that you've also
and television, I'm a very public figure who has Dr. Fred Preston. No matter what we refused to ever meet with us or do an interview
no doubt left his mark on this campus. That have said, and said about you, you have or improve relations between us in any way.
being said, I think it's time I tooted my horn, ALWAYS upheld our right to free speech, and You support free speech, you support student
and the horns of a few others a bit, as well as you have always supported a free and independ- media, but you've just always hated what The
give a few people a kick in the petute they've ent student media. For that, I thank you truly. Press has said. Interesting relationship we've
deserved for quite some time. There are other bones I have to pick here had over the years, isn't it?
I've been thinking for some time how I'm though. I know you're leaving, so I'll keep this I hope you're satisfied with what you
going to structure this piece, but I think I'm short. Personally, I have to say that pretty have accomplished in your career here at Stony
best off starting top down. That means starting much most of the gripes I have with student life Brook. Many of us are satisfied that you are
with Shirley Strum Kenny and ending with The on this campus and the gripes that most of the finally leaving. You've said in interviews that
Stony Brook Press (because clearly on the uni- other student have are connected to your actions you support not having concerts because now
versity food chain, they are the decomposers). I in some way. It was after the Fishbone concert there are more clubs who have more money to do
apologize if I've forgotten anyone, but it's been that you made it impossible to have a good show better things. Is a proposed 50% budget cut
a long four years. I don't mean to slight anyone, on campus any more. It was your efforts that across the board really a sign of healthier club
and for those of you I. know I'm forgetting, went into the creation of USG. Not that Polity activities?
THANK YOU! didn't have to go, but come on man, USG? Have Next on my hit list is USG.
Dr. Shirley Strum Kenny. Thank you for you seen how bad it has gotten lately? Why have AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
coming on my Radio Broadcast in November on you done- nothing to remedy the USG problem? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR-
Election Day. That was a proud moment for me, Why did you do nothing to stop CORE? Why did RRI RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-RRR^RRRRRRRRRRR
for WUSB and for the University. Please, please you make fun of my mother's Long Island accent
don't turn Stony Brook into a corporate office on the phone? Yeah, it was a while ago and I RRRRRGG. G G G G .GGGGGGGGGGG
park. We don't need a hotel, we don't need a don't think that you'd remember it, but a con- GGGGG. Do I need to say anything else really?
more sterile atmosphere and we certainly don't cerned parent spoke to you a few years ago about Polity sucked, USG scares me. I don't know how
need any more artificial traditions like certain USG officials having a less than desir- anyone would want to be involved any more. I
Wolfstock. Let the students create traditions, able command of spoken English, and you pro- salute the few of you that actually tried to do
give us the financial support we need to create ceeded to make fun of my mother's accent. I something positive this year. I sigh at those who
traditions and please take a more active role in fully understand how she can be on the phone, sat silent, and I scowl at those who sought harm.
the daily life of this campus. Why not encour- and oh yes, she's got the accent, but was all that Ddan of Students Dr. Jerry Stein. Three
age us to once again be the Berkeley of the East, really necessary? Are you glad that the first Cheers for Jerry Stein!! You have been a sup-
not the Enron of Long Island? DO NOT CUT time we met, the only thing you could say to me porter of the students for as long as I can
DOWN A SINGLE TREE IN THE ASCHLEY-SCHIFF was, "So, I almost got through an issue of The remember. Ybu are open, accessible, and over-
PRESERVE. DO NOT LET ANYONE EVER CUT Press, maybe you guys will be a real newspaper
DOWN A SINGLE TREE! More appearances at one day"?

Page 40
- I I II I-

Interview with Lost's Terry O'Quinn


By David K. Ginn
ABC's primetime drama Lost has taken that you frequent the message boards T..O. - Because of Lost, people know why they
everybody by surprise. Apart fronn its huge and keep in touch so often. Why do you recognize me. They used to recognize me and
success with the masses it also has a ridicu- put aside the time to do this, and is it not know why.
lously devoted cult fan-base. I she)uld know. something you feel should be done by I'd enjoyed nothing more than the the-
I'm part of it. more people? atre, performing live on stage, partly because I
The show, which follows the j(ourney of a had great roles to perform.
group of castaways both before an i after the T.O. - I enjoy it. It's a way to communicate
tragic plane crash that landed the-m on the with people who care about the show and my
island, features a wide variety of characters, work without having to get on an airplane or go S.B.P. - How are you able to relate to
each with their own back story that tells more on a talk show or go to a convention or be sur- Locke? What "common ground" do you
and more about their life now. ALmong this rounded. It gives me time to think about my share?
array of characters is John Locke (a]nd yes, the answers ... one person at a time. For me, almost
connection to the famous philosop)her is no the only other option regarding fans is to do T.O. - Insecurity .. a desire to have some
coincidence). nothing at all, and I want to do something. I meaning ... spirituality...
Locke, portrayed brilliantly by actor know there's always fan mail, but in all honesty,
Terry O'Quinn, is a mysterious old (and bald) that's a little like homework. I know not every-
man who assumes the role as the grouip's skilled one can go on line so I try to answer fan mail too S.B.P. - Who are your four favorite
hunter. We find out soon enough, tlhough, that but I find the internet much more pleasant. It's authors? Favorite T.V. show?
Locke has his own story to tell... and what a more immediate. e"I -A -. 1-'
story it is.
r" f%,%I
T.U. - 'atrick U ' rien, C arles DicKens, Jane
I, through some sort of divin e interven- Austen, Carlos Castaneda, Kurt Vonnegut, Dick
tion, was able to get an interview with Mr. Francis(horses), Van de Wettering (the
O'Quinn, and through some further u nexplained Amsterdam cops), Louis de Berniere ... to name
miracle I was able to get it just in time to be a few.
printed. The interview starts with Sthe basic
question:
S.B.P. - What do you do when you're not
working with the show?
S.B.P. - What's the best thing ,for you,
about working on Lost? T.O. - Swim, walk, ride bicycle, play guitar,
read ... that's all I can mention in a public
T.O. - The role is the best thing ... easily. forum.
Then, the people (cast and crew), an I the place.

S.B.P. - Is there anything else you'd


S.B.P. - What other cast memb ers would like to say to your fans here on Long
you say you're closest with? Island?

T.O. - Not dodging here... I am h;appy to see T.O. - Peace and Love. Watch what's coming
every one of them. I look forward to working toward you. [E]verything means something.
with any of them. It's the easiest jo)b I've ever Enjoy the rest of the season.
had in that respect, except perhaps f )r ALIAS...
coincidence?
Thanks again to Terry O'Quinn. The fact
that he would take the time out for this shows
S.B.P. - What's your favorite episode of how honest and devoted he truly is, both to his
the show so far? profession and to his fans.

T.O. - Why, "Walkabout," of course. S.B.P. - How would you compare your And he's right - watch Lost!!!
celebrity appeal before and after Lost?
Of your work before Lost, what did you
S.B.P. - Which performance (either most enjoy?
episode-wise or scene-wise) of yours --
---
------ ---------------------
are you most proud of? HOURS:. ';) i>~-~3 AA:~fl
T.O. - I liked the scene in "White Rabbit"
wherein I talk with Jack about the "eye of the
Every Day lOAM tc
Sunday I OAM tc 0I -4q.1 U
Island." I also really enjoyed the scene with
Sawyer and Kate, talking about my sister, the
golden retriever.

S.B.P. - People on the message boards


have asked you about where you see
your character's future, and you've
FOURTH WORLD COMICS
33 Route 111, Smithtwn, NY 11787
never budged from saying that you're
quite content discovering the character (Hillside Shopping Center)
at the same pace we do. Could you
elaborate on that?

T.O. - It's pragmatism. Since they aren't


inclined to tell us where we're headed, I accept STAR TREK * DR WHO :TOYS STAR WARS
and even enjoy the process. I don't think it
hurts the way I deliver the character. It's dif- SCIENCE FICTION * POSTERS T-SHIRTS
ferent, and I had to make adjustments in how I JAPANIMATION VIDEOTAPES *MODEL KITS
approach the role, but in a way it's easier,
because the responsibility for knowing every-
thing about the person is removed. It appeals
to my lazy side I admit, but it also sets me free.
M.=

"S
C IF
- MAGIC: THE GATHERING

low
-----------
210-
-Allomfg., .....
.....

S.B.P. - Many fans are surprised to see ... .........


..
.....
ow ,~,
~.
Awn. Jý
....~ .:,- ...........
.....
.. --
--
-------- .II-.UPON
..
.......
... Page 41
Four Years ontinu ed...
· II II --I By Dustin Herlich
Professor Goldenberg, thank you for
dents. Thank you Deng Lee's for the rashes, the
food poisoning and the article ideas. Thank you your insight into the academics of Judaism. It
all a nice guy. I know few stories at best that meal plan for stealing all my money for two was something I'll never forget. I have to also
depict you doing anything negative, and the years and giving me a reason to move off campus. thank all of the MSRC professors who have
keepers of those stories still have good things to To John Madonia and Mike Teta, thank taught me over the years, or have not been my
say about you. You've supported student media, you, thank you, thank you. You hold the union professor, but shown me respect and helped me
you've supported me. I have to say, considering together. I don't know how, I don't want to know along. Thank you Dr. Roger Flood not only for
the cold shoulder treatment I've gotten from so how. We in student media thank you for making summer employment, but also for helping guide
many others, I'm really touched by the amount our lives just a tad easier and not giving us a me along.
of time and effort you've put into what I had to hard time for no reason like certain other infa- To my calculus professors:
say. In a perfect world, you're the President of mous people do. You deserve recognition for all May screaming Banshees drag you back to the
this University, and Norm Prusslin is VP of stu- your hard work. By the way, there's a light bulb depths of hell from whence you came.
dent affairs. Your efforts do not go unnoticed. out in the archives, and the WUSB studio is still What I'd like to concentrate on now is
Thank you for being one of the few that cares, really warm... the various students and clubs I've been
not just on the outside. I know that Alexandra Norm, I thanked you already, but it was- involved with who have really done a lot for me,
Dougan amongst others has been at odds with n't enough. Thanks again. and who have shown tremendous resolve. It
our organization over the years, but lately, Professors. I've had a few of 'em, and I've would only be fair to start out once again thank-
especially with the CORE fiasco, you've been actually liked some of them. Go figure. Thank ing Kevin O'Conner. Thanks to him I have my
very supportive. you to Dr. David Allison for teaching me more major and in part, my career.
Norm Prusslin. If the union basement is about thinking than I thought I would learn, and Along the same vein I have to give a
" t 0J1 U
UL 1 +L
hell (which it very o ut1L oULt LU

much is) then the t h e


current editor of Environmental
The Stony Brook Club (Gang
Press must be the Green?) and all
ruler of hell (if the students in
only for the year. it. Great job on
they are editor). the boat! Thank
You, on the second you Dr. Lwiza for
floor (in Heaven) all your help. I
are clearly God or wish the SCUBA
some other celes- club much con-
tial being. You tinued success
keep the radio sta- and I hope to be
tion broadcasting, diving with them
The print media shortly.
printing, The Press Student
out of jail and you media is where I
do it all with a have spent most
calm demeanor,. of my time and
HOW????? I inter- that is where
act with a fraction most of the peo-
of the people you ple I really need
do, and I want to to thank come in.
rip my hair out. WUSB has been
You have to be my new labor of
someone special to love for the last
do all: of what you year /and it's
do. I know of no been great. I
one, student, staff,, look forward to
faculty, adminis- many more years
trator or other who working with the
I a
.
a
Tt "t- i
y L I 11 g
b11
u U L
zanv cast of
the absolute most wonderful things to say about for telling me all the stories you have in the past characters that is WUSB. Thank you to all of you
you. You" deserve to have the Tabler Center few years. Your classes are phenomenal, your for the support and thank you specifically to
named after you. You've taught us all the craft lecture insightful and your attitude towards the Dave, Bruce, Mike, Norm, Cut Supreme and Steve
of journalism, and given more back to student students should be the standard. Thank you for K for helping me try to get WUSB news off the
life than anyone else - ever. That's my story and enlightening me and my colleagues for all these ground and for keeping my show on the air.
I'm sticking to it. A special thanks is also in years. Dr. Malcolm Bowman, I owe a large por-- Thanks to Frank for keeping the entire station
order for Isobel and Fianna who have provided tion of my success at Stony Brook to you, and to on the air!
invaluable support over the years. Kevin O'Connor who first introduced me to you. SBU-TV has always been a dedicated lot.
To Pat, Gayle, and Sonia of USG account- Thank you for always putting up with me, and I have to thank Steve for making sure that there
ing; I know you deal with a lot, and I appreciate for helping me along towards my true path. is always a TV station and for putting up with
it. Thanks for getting me to Nashville and James Cassidy has shown me things things no one should have to. Thanks for giving
thanks for putting up with a lot of heartache. about photography I didn't think I would be able In Focus its start. For that, I'll always be eter-
You guys had to work with Ronda at one point. to learn. You've given me something few other nally grateful. I just wish you'd come back to
Wow. Aside from all the psychotic goings on, professors ever could; you've helped me express WUSB one day...
most clubs seem to have existed, functioned and myself. People underestimate the abilities of Leo, you've done more for campus media
programmed like they were supposed to. The the common man, and the non-art major, but you than I want to talk about. You literally built a
Press printed, Earth revolved around its axis, don't. Thank you. Howard Schneider's class on TV station with your bare hands. Wow. You've
and all is well. On behalf of all student media, media ethics is ,the apogee of my undergraduate actually graduated too.... How do you do it?
I thank you. career. It's been the most enlightening and Jess, you smell. You've been there keep-
To the people in Campus Dining and insightful experience I've had dealing with ing the station on the air, but you've also always
Chartwells who are actually nice to students, media and it's a large factor in my decision to been there for me as a person. You've seen me
thank you. Doreen at the Union Deli deserves really go more towards journalism and less shoot bugs with blow guns but you've still taken
special thanks just for everything she's done. towards hard research. I never thought that the time to talk to me when I'm down. You're awe-
She works hard and seems to get as little recog- class would be anything like what it's become. some. You don't belong in Philly, you belong
nition for is at an editor of a campus publica- I'd like to say that your class should be taught here. One day I'm sure you'll take over a small
tion. Penny will be sorely missed. We all died in Javits 100 so that more people can take the country and we'll all live happily ever after.
a little inside the day she didn't come back. course, but that would spoil the charm. Thanks Kristine and Steph, I'm sure you'll just
Thank you also to people like Lisa Ospitale and for showing us all what media and journalism
Brian Libfeld for showing kindness to the stu- are.

Page 42
Four Years Continu ed...
By Dustin Herlich
the office environment. it's a tough job and we're only human. I gained
I never wanted the paper to lose any of a lot more respect for past editors and future
live together forever. That's awesome. its funny charm, but I wanted it to gain credi- editors through my time as Executive Editor and
Another Union Basement dwelling bility, scruples and quality. The paper had to I hope you see what I'm talking about. I admire
organization that deserves mention is NYPIRG. deicide what it was. Was it a paper, a newslet- your dedication and resolve. Your attention to
You guys are awesome. Thanks for always com- ter, or just a humor rag? Now, I say it's a fort- details, like mistakes in the issue, is far supe-
ing on my show, and thanks for all the hard work nightly news and features magazine that is rior to past years and I definitely applaud you
you put in to what you. Keep on fighting the good somewhere between The Onion and The Village and Rob on that. Being Executive Editor is a
fight. Voice. I really would like to come away think- thankless job and too often you make enemies of
Thanks Jules for being so full of energy, ing that people around the media wing, and people who should have become your friend.
and thank you Jaxx for being undeniably amaz- especially at the paper really did get my mes- Congrats on a banner year.
ing. I can thank you for all the senate stuff, sage. I'll toot my own horn and say that the I have to thank Amberly for always
SBU-TV stuff, and even the personal stuff, but I paper could NEVER be what it is now without the being kind and always lending a hand. I owe a
don't think there would be enough money left to last few years giving it a strong foundation to lot to you personally, and the paper owes a lot to
print the issue if I thanked you properly for stand on, and I don't think any would disagree. you. You're funny, you're smart, and you write
everything. To clarify ONCE AND FOR ALL, the about sex. Can I marry you? And by marry I
The Statesman, over the years, has had George Bush/Hitler cover most assuredly was mean just your slave for life cause you're just
police tell me I can't go near them, but occa- poorly timed due to a holiday, but I don't regret more awesome than anyone ever.
sionally has been nice to me, too. Currently, I it. I think it made the point it needed to and our Everyone on the current board has put in
have to say there is no ill will that I know of. constitution says our job is to insight debate. a lot of work, and it really shows. To name every
There are certain former editors though I'd like Until they make a law defining good and bad single person would just take far too long. I
to see disposed of in a volcano. Healthy rivalry taste, I'm not going to say I did anything wrong charge the new E-board with a mission- to
is fun, made-up stories and police threats are and I'm sure many will back me up on this. uphold the ideals of our organization, and to
not. Sam, I could never have done anything never forget journalism. A lot of people who
AAE-Zine, Gadfly and all the rest, keep without your help. I hope you're as proud of have come before you have worked very hard
up the good work guys. I admire you for work- -what legacy we left as I am. You got thrown into through budget cuts, administrators and irate
ing with so little. the position, and you did one hell of a job. students to bring forth a quality product. Don't
Creative Minds, you guys are great. Thanks for the support. We re-worked the let us down!
You've worked so hard, I just wish I could have entire layout of the paper, and re-worked a lot I challenge you to pass down the stories
been more of a help to you this semester. of the content. We set a tone that I hope they and history of the paper that lend richness and
Congrats on a job truly well done. continue to follow for a long time to come. life to our office. Keep up the good work and
To my fellows at www.sbindependent.org The entire E-board I had last year was never forget your roots,. Work together and
and at the SPJ. ROCK ON!! We know we rule. great, and I'll never forget what you guys did for make a paper together. Don't let anyone create
To The Stony Brook Press, wow. What do me, and I'll never forget all the hard times slack to be picked up. Above all else, commu-
you say to your home for the last four years? where you stood by me. I really do hope you're nicate with each other. Always be willing to
What do you say to the people.who have been all as pleased with the way things went as I am listen to another editor, and always be ready to
-- feZ- -i- _ __-„ __-1
your Irienus, your col- speak up with ideas.
leagues and your com- Everything goes to
patriots? shit when people just
When I became stop talking to you
Managing Editor, and and plot behind your
Daniel Hofer became. back. That's not what
Executive Editor, we this paper is about.
had a mission to clean. In Focus is a show
the office physically, that I intend on con7
spiritually, mentally, tinuing for as many
enotionally,, metaphor- years as I physically
ically, verbally, and can, but the last few
every other "ally" you years really have
could think of. I credit, been wonderful. It's
Dan (and myself) with been a little like
throwing out the trash, Alice in Wonderland-
and starting out on new stumbling through
footing. That was a hell the world of broadcast
of a year. journalism, but it's
Next came my been a fun ride none-
year. I know many did- the-less. It's amazing
ri't see what I was try- how far the show has
ing to do, but I hope you come. The show will
all understand now. I always be near and
wanted to continue to dear to my heart, and
get rid of the elemeilts the people who have
that dragged us down worked on it will be
and at the same time set as well.
up an infrastructure I blame a lot of
that would allow us to the success of the
put out a paper, the show on Joanne
likes of which have Marino. If you have to
never been seen before. tumble through any-
1 tried to instill into thing with anyone,
people the principles of actual journalism, and now, especially seeing this years performance. Joanne is who you'd want to have with you.
Sam and I drew a hard line sometimes that not 'To the 2004-2005 Editorial board, Quick thinking and hard working, and always
everyone really agreed with. I think some of thank you. Quantity does not always mean prepared. Through the best and the worst,
these things had to be done. I wish I could have quality, but 100 pages of good quality blew you've worked on this with me, and always put
done it all while making fewer enemies, but the everyone away. I hope that you're all proud of out the best on-air. You pick up where I fail and
past is the past. I'd like to think that when peo- what you've done. You really should be. Joe, falter and always have something to add. I hope
ple look back on my year they'd see it for what you've done a pretty darn good job with things. you've enjoyed the show thus far as much as I
I tried to make it be, the best year The Stony You kept us printing and picked up a lot of have, and I hope that we continue on into infin-
Brook Press had ever had up until that point. I slack. Your hard work paid off, and I tiink a lot ity and beyond. On a more personallevel I owve
really did work more hours than people realize, of people know that. We've printed some good you a debt of gratitude as well, but that's an
doing everything from outreach to student, funny, and some really good journalism this
staff, and administrators, to trying to maintain year. What I learned from being Editor is that

Page 43
Four Years continued..
By Dustin Herlich
much like I was too often treated as a number, a minute and stop to think about what I've done,
around here, and not a person. If it wasn't for who I've spoken to, and what effect I've had.
issue to be addressed outside of print. It's my the student media, I don't know what I'd be After that, ask yourself what you've done, and
sincerest wish that no matter what happens in doing. what you think you could do better, or what you
terms of the show and graduations that we never I'm forgetting some stories I should even liked that I did. Understand how hard I
lose touch. You deserve nothing but the best in mention, and leaving out many stories on pur- worked to really try and make things better, and
everything, never settle for anything less. pose. It's harder than I thought to recap four use that understanding to do something yourself
I've tried hard to be more than a co- years of being here, and it has come out consid- to make the world a little better.
worker to many, anid hopefully history will erably more mushy than I wanted. This should Instead of making it harder for someone
show that. My biggest gripe is that people just have been a hard-hitting piece where I call out today, make their life a little easier. Giving back
are not nice enough to each other sometimes. If the forces of darkness by name, but it just did- to student life, I've learned, is not always about
we were more civil, and communicated more this n't work that way. I have high hopes for the just putting out a product, it's also about how
would be a better University. There is never a future, and fond memories of the past. Even the you are to the students in your life. Making
reason to scream, throw chairs, and/or threaten most awful memories, I'll look back on as funny someone smile when they're having a bad day is
people's lives, or anything of the sort around stories ... eventually. Except the time I got infinitely more valuable to me than putting out
here. attacked by the 4-armed creature they keep a 500-page paper, or interviewing the President
Organizations like Blackworld deserve a locked away in the Bio building, that I'll never of the U.S. Students are people too, and if we all,
TON of credit for what they have accomplished be happy about. from President on down, took more notice of that
in the last year or so. I remember when I first I know I'm forgetting many people, and I I think we'd all just be that much happier.
came here what Blackworld was ... You guys get feel awful about that, but a 4,500 word article is' It's been great, and I hope this last arti-
the "most improved" award for sure. That, and long enough. Thanks to everyone who has made cle has meant something to all of you, and I hope
unlike some other papers, you've never called the last four years something special, and poo that those of you who have read this understand
the cops on me for no reason. poo on you to those who've booed me. So to Mike what I'm saying. Thanks again, and have a great
I'm pleased with what I have accom- P, Steve C, Joe Hughes, Dan, Russ, Squirrel, Sean, summer.
plished while I've been at Stony Brook. I'll Mike B, Jackie, and hundreds more characters
always remember I-CON, destroying all the I'd never have the time to name in this piece, -Dustin Herlich
snobby rich schools at the Harvard Kendo tour- Thank You. Thank you for a great four years, Former Editor of The Stony Brook Press
nament, and making mischief. I can't go any- and thanks for the learning experience. Sorry Former News/Public Relations Director of
where on campus any more without cracking a again to all of you who got left out of this, please WUSB 90.1FM
smile because of some devious deed I remember. don't feel I don't think you matter. Former President of the campus Chapter of The
I wish I could say all four years were It's really tough trying to improve stu- Society of Professional Journalists
totally rosy and peachy, but that's just not the dent life on this campus in any capacity, and (insert all kinds of other titles here)
case. This place in many regards has eaten me student media can be the hardest. My wish Always proud alum of student media.
alive, chewed me up and spit me out. I feel very would be that everyone reading this would take
the st o roo k
b

ii E
the community new s and fe.atu res paper

xx , -·

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L I T e R A R v S u P P L
~

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OErs
The Polite Asshole SCORCHER
Rv Tara T.vnnP CGrnth

He has a way with words


And he'll make your heart melt
And when you hold him as he sleeps
It's the sweetest thing you've ever felt

He'll say he's a forgiving person


But will shut you out of his life
He says he'd fancy a harem
But that's because no on wants to -be hihs

;onville sycophant boldface ac stevens


ereal vienna contractor lars conversion eddie
prong carolyn cinnamon application frieze ail

Page 46
STORI[S

By David K. Ginn
1 and that just makes it easier to fall in. Sort of Frankfurt. Now that was a terrible ride if there
an applied empathy for the masses; it's okay to ever was one. Crossing the ocean was not some-
Carla Devins had a drink on the ferry relish because you lose if you don't. And thing he liked to do, and trying to find a way to
'during her trip home on Sunday night. She had everyone else is supposed to understand, since do it was nearly as painstaking. But he man-
the drink somewhere between Bridgeport, they all go through the same damn thing. Only, aged. Somehow he always found a way to man-
Connecticut and Port Jefferson, Long Island, if they understood completely there would be age. That's how he came to exist for so long. Low
over the bay. It was a short but scenic trip, and some sort of universal epiphany amongst casi- profile, manageable transitions. Keep to that
quite honestly it was the highlight of her week- no-goers and alcoholics and too many other peo- and you will exist. And, oh, the fun you might
end. ple to make it possible. And there you have it. have.
What happened after that and what hap- And it crosses no one's mind that maybe people Frankfurt was nice. It was pleasant. It
pened in the week to follow is as much a scram- are meant to lose, anyway. What is so bad about was hard to find work, and that was the problem.
bled mystery as she could recall. When she losing? Those who relish enjoy paradise, those He needed to keep busy. If his goal were just to
came back to the island she brought more than who struggle enjoy finality. keep on existing, he would have done things
her handsome looks and good charm with her. But what is all this anyway? What sort very differently. No, his goal was not just to
When she came back to the Island she brought of purpose is presented here? Well, the exist. His goal was to take as manyrisks as he
with her a horror that would plague every Tailhatter would tell you if he could talk, all in could and still find a way to manage. Low pro-
rational thought for the years to come. When all there's someone who always relishes, and his file, high risks. Life is good, aint it?
she came back she brought the Tailhatter with objective lens never fails. He's always on the Of course, work is rare no matter where
her. outside, but somehow, in the strangest and most you go. But in Frankfurt there seem to be a
Of course she didn't know this. How inexplicable of ways, he's always on the inside. smaller demand for his particular services. So
could anyone know such a thing? And even is And they call him the Tailhatter. he did something there that he normally would-
she had known, what could she have done about n't do. He came to life.
it? Nothing, probably. Nothing, because once It was bad at first, in fact it was excru-
the Tailhatter hitched a ride it got to where it 2 ciating. But after a short while the Tailhatter
was going, one way or another. This was just the was wearing the beautiful face of a pretty young
way of it, and that was it. There was a janitor's closet in the German intern. Just some girl, really, but a
But Carla knew nothing of such nonsen- Foxwoods Casino main floor. That is where the good choice nonetheless. He had fun with that
sical folk-lore or horror-book pulp. All she: Tailhatter had been hanging out for a few days. girl, oh yes. He did things hewould never have
knew was that it was going to be a peacefulride It wasn't exactly high living, but sometimes imagined doing. And it was great fun all along.
back to the island, and what better to add peace you've gotta do what you gotta do. And this was Her apartment was perfect for him.
to an already peaceful day than a nice cold definitely one of those times. Of course, he Absolutely perfect. And so beautiful. He loved
brandy, or two? could have easily decided to live inside the the way her toes felt against the carpet, and how
Brandy on a ferry, this both amused her empty bourbon bottle they kept behind the bar the air felt against her face. It was so damn
and excited her at the same time. Amused by from nineteen-whatever, and that would have beautiful. He'd thought more than once about
the seeming inappropriateness of having a been safer, no doubt, but still he had to keep his keeping her for good, but ultimately realized
Brandy on such a short boat trip, amused only dignity, if not his comfort. how silly the idea was. Who knows where she
with the help of some objective lens that some- Besides, he would be leaving soon any- could really be? Who knows if she'd try to take
how placed her on the outside of such a class of way. That was what was so goddamn good about herself back. That in itself sounded silly, but
people. But at the same time, and here's the it. it scared him enough to shake the whole idea off
blaring contradiction of the story if there ever He came to Foxwoods in the fall of 1996. like a bad dream. There was no predicting the
was one, she felt excited that she, Carla Devins, He always moved with the fall, because it was human body or their auras. And he wasn't about
would be part of that elite group of Brandy- always the time he could handle it the best. He ready for first-hand field research.
drinking ferry-riders for even a short period of didn't like moving, but as is already stated, you But the time he had with her was still
time. You can hate the cheerleaders, but you gotta do what you gotta do. fun, oh yes. Her name was Natalie, and she was
can't stop loving the cheers. It's a tough, syn- When the hot weather changed to cool the best sex he's ever had. And it had been a
thetic world in some places, and the more we and all the excitement was gone from the air he while. It had. been hundreds of years, to be
realize it the more we want in. would move, and he would do so unnoticed: He quite honest. And she was good. She was good
So Carla Devins helped herself to a always moved unnoticed, and there had only because the only thing better than having sex
Brandy on that Sunday afternoon as she was been a few regrettable times in his life where with a girl like her was actually being her while
heading back from the casinos someplace in he'd been noticed at all, moving or unmoving. she was doing it.
Northern Connecticut. She had more important His move to Foxwoods in Connecticut was That had been a"fun paradise while it
matters to consider than what town she was in. no different. If anything, it was damn near ide- lasted. Natalie's body and the pleasure her
Come on, already. We're talking about Super alistic. If only every move could be so easy and body felt transferred neatly into his mind with-
Keno. Deluxe Blackjack. Craps. Drop-a- painless. Connecticut welcomed the fall, it out the physical limitations or applications that
Quarter-Win-a-Car. I-Hope-You've-Enjoyed- always did. And so it welcomed The Autumn, can plague any sort of pleasure the first time
Your-Stay-Is-Everything-Alright-This- Tailhatter to come with it. around.
Machine-Will-Cash-In-Soon- I-Know-It. A That was a fun name he's given to him- That was fun, but it hadn't been as pro-
whole different world. A different language. A self a while ago, when he'd first begun to move ductive as he'd hoped. All the while as the poor
world where you could only will yourself as an around a lot. It had a nice, pleasant ring to it. girl was getting hammered into on a nightly
outsider if you planned to back it up with the Somehow poetic and yet somehow vicious and basis he should have been focusing on some sort
most -unbreakable confidence and the most sin- evil. But fun nonetheless. And no one had to of objective. But, alas, he got caught in the arms
cere objectivity. If you weren't a part of the know that name, not unless they really wanted of pleasure.
scene, you felt like a god but looked like a loser. to. And that was fun, too. But lucky for him he did accomplish
Tough old world out there sometimes, He had moved to New Hampshire from something, and when it was done he left the

Page 50
Cont.
girl's body in a river and took off for Being caught between life and death, And then she shows up.
Woodsville, New Hampshire, population 1,160. between aura and eternity, grants certain pow-
Meanwhile, the people of Frankfurt burned. ers unique to even the highest forms of exis-
It had been a simple game, a little too tence. And he called these powers the powers of It was a woman he recognized from
simple perhaps, but it was all he could do from Qi, for reasons only he will ever know. Foxwoods, although he hadn't known she would
the little girl's body. A 24-year old German So he was the Qi-Hatter, until sometime be going back to the island that night. Her
media intern couldn't really accomplish much before the Plague when he renamed himself the thoughts had been clear when he had read them,
in the ways of Qi-hatting. It was a practice Tailhatter. During the time of the Plague par- so there must have been something blocking him
much too old and much too complex for the ents would tell their children stories of the from knowing this little piece of information.
human body, aura or not, to be able to handle or Tailhatter, who would come and take them away And how important this little piece of
even carry out. It was something for him, and so if they weren't good. The Tailhatter eventually information was! He was almost ready to just
far no one else but him. became another name for the Plague itself, even hop on the ferry with fatso and her cheating
He had first come to Frankfurt in June though he'd had nothing to do with it. Oh; how husband when she walked in. She was pretty,
of1984, and when he left it was November of he wished. tall, and somehow less glamorous than she
1987. The trip to Frankfurt had been awful, but So he was the Tailhattter, on and forever, should have been. It seemed there was a heavy
back then he'd had no other choice. It was now and gone, until the end of time. And his rain cloud right over her head, and, crazy as it
either leave.in the mid-dle of spring or wait time would come again. That much was clear. He sounds, it made her more real than anyone he'd
another two years. But what was an She seemed to have let go of
years to a millennia-old creature? Ir her, and she realized now
the two years would have been the < ust bullshit, anyway. It was
between surviving on the earth and b iad.
ished into limbo.
By the time he left in 1987 iobody else but he would have
Gruber had destroyed three power p >ne else would have kept their
set fire to at least seventeen public 1 ;she seemed to radiate bad
Her name was in newspapers everywh< But that was what caught him
cially after her body was found floatin ; what was so damn attractive.
river in the November cold. sed him more than anything.
It was really quite biblical, h because nothing was sexy to
turned out. It was simple and childis elt anything close to sexual
could never remember causing so mud slight attraction since he'd
and disaster. It was amazing, really. . y. And that was because he
didn't think he would want to do som SBecause he was connected
boring, so obvious. What was tha At the hotel he would make
Frankfurt to the ground? That's all oking ladies' dresses tear off
They tell me you can poison souls. Thi naybe make a hook behind
you can cause plague. They tell me iddenly, but that was all for
swallow the souls of those who relish to cause trouble.
them to live their short lives in a soull rene, almost sedated misery
terror and desire. So why burn Frankf n want her. And suddenly he
ground? with her'. Screw Long Island,
Well, it was fun, of course. . He would go wherever she
And it was as simple as that. vould become her. And when
Swould do everything he'd
do in both worlds, his and
Back when he was fighting aý
forces of God or whatever It was up he jumped inside her change
purpose was much more clearly defii
after a while he found himself alone, ar
after that he found that he was
stronger. More powerful. He could do all of that, and more. And
Was it the Black Plague? Was it the what was probably best of all was that he could
Renaissance? Who knew? He was born before control the cards. Nobody beats the dealer in a Carla Devins rang the doorbell twice.
Christ, he knew that. He knew his father had good old game of- Blackjack here at Foxwoods Nobody answered. This was just her luck, real-
been a Jewish monk or something like that. The Casino, my friend. It's amazing how quickly a ly. Sure, Carley, I'll feed Duane and Oakley for
Tailhatter had been born just as human as seven can become a nine, or how an ace can you. I'll be waiting for you when you get home
everyone else on the planet. Except there was become a king. Just control, that's all. on Sunday. Just her luck.
something about him that didn't belong to their Changing the faces on the cards is nothing. It's She rang the doorbell three more times
world. Something much more divine. And in like a four year old with a coloring book and a in quick succession, creating a triple ding-dong
time that side became the dominant side. And box of crayons. Child's play, really. collaboration she. could hear as it echoed faint-
after a while he found out how easy it was to So this heavyset woman with the pretty ly from her apartment window. She had turned
leave your body. And if it was so easy to leave hair has one regretfully empty suitcase to go off the central air towards the end of the sum-
a body, was it really that important, anyway? home with, and she'll never know that what mer, but still it was hot during the day and she
Apparently not. actually winds up in that suitcase is a force too left the window open. Obviously Gina hadn't
So he left, and he became evil. Twisted powerful for her to understand. shown up at all, or she would have shut the win-
and evil and above all mischievous. And so he And in he goes, bound for Bridgeport by dow when the temperature dropped.
fought against God, or whatever It was up there. way of bus. And once to Bridgeport? Well, he Carla stood on the porch and looked
And just a hundred years after he'd been born may have to find new transportation. The per- around the complex. It was still and quiet,
a soft-cheeked human child, he was human no son who at this time is unknowingly toting him seeming to mock her as she stood outside her
more. He became a sort of nothing. He wasn't across Connecticut must wait a few hours at own apartment, dressed nicely in a black velvet
the spirit of his former self anymore, and that Bridgeport for her husband to arrive. skirt and white dress-shirt. If it weren't for the
scored him. He also wasn't the aura of that for- Apparently he doesn't like casinos. Good for khaki jacket and Adidas tennis shoes she was
mer self, either. He was the divine form of an him. wearing one might think she was off on a big
aura. He was what an aura was in Heaven, or So, in the cool lobby of the ferry station, date. But, alas, she was alone and well aware of
maybe Hell. He had no identity, not even for his air conditioner still running even though it's it. And her steady stroke of bad luck remained
soul. So he named himself. And that name was midway through September, he waits. And unbroken by her recent blitz vacation to
the Hatter. waits. And waits. Connecticut.

Page 51
Cont.
Spend a weekend at Foxwoods, Carley. enough for Carla to think her best friend had
Leave Friday night on the ferry and come back hung up on her, and then she came back on. 4
Sunday. What better to beat bad luck than hit- "Listen, Car, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. I was
ting the casinos? like, at this book fair and everything, when this Kyle sat on the garbage can outside the
Of course Carla hadn't seen it that way at guy came up to me and said he liked my dress, Coram Kool-Mart, drinking a Kool-Mart slushie
all. As much as Gina Richmond might believe and I was like, you know, that's funny, because and tapping his heels to the beat of Make Me
that gambling the rest of your money away is a you know I don't wear dresses, but today I was Smile. He loved it when they played actual
sign of good luck, Carla couldn't help but point and he was really cute and we decided to get radio stations, instead of the preprogrammed
out that if she was having bad luck a casino some coffee and then we went for a walk and then Muzak shit. On the good stations, such as the
would probably be the worst place for her to be. we went to his place and I was like, no, this isn't one playing, you could be sure to catch some-
It would be like taking refuge from a firestorm- happening, and he was like, come here, and I was thing like The Best of Chicago weekend, or the
by jumping into a volcano. like, no, and then, well, you get the idea. So then classic Two-for-Tuesdays. Sometimes they
But in the end Carla had went, because when I got home tonight, after class, I was like, would have a weekend where they followed the
both of them knew that what Gina was really so tired that I just went to bed, and really if I'd same format as Two-for-Tuesday except over
trying to say was that she should go out and try thought-" three days instead of one. They called this, for
to have fun for a change. And Carla knew she "Gina," Carla stopped her from rambling whatever reason they chose, a Two-for Weekend.
was right. on any further. That would be more than she To Kyle it sounded stupid but at the
She reached into he it most would call "a nice ring
brought out her cell phone. that same ring that is given a
run her fingers over the ni hest shrine in the offices of
so she could guess which o *tising executives. It's that
they were in the darkness g that can make you hate a
When the number thre mmercial but be horrified to
appeared against the glowin nd out that its constant
background of the phone' noyance has caused you to
LCD screen, she went ahe ow just about everything they
until she found the nine. ited you to know.
only made one mistake, acci nercials are like overplayed
tally hitting a five whet you can't stand them but you
should have hit a seven. 1 the words anyway.
minute or so of number hun held the slushie with one
finally heard the low rin tapped his hands on the side
meant she was getting throug ic garbage can with the other,
Richmond's house. feet in the percussion encore
She looked at the gloi Smile. As the song ended he
on the phone and nearly slai mpty slushie cup into the
when she saw the words and smiled. When the crazy
GINA..... displayed next to i that Make Me Smile actually
bars telling her how much ol to make him smile, he stopped
there was. She put the phonc and went into an all out gig-
her ear and waited. ing fit.
Why couldn't I have Okay. he told himself.
found her name in the call iehow that wasn't funny. It's
she asked herself, shaking ly not good to laugh when
head in self-frustration. Ti ing's not funny.
would have been the easy thit en he thought of the posters he
to do, wouldn't it? These daj Sin the dentist's office as a
nothing seems to be easy, eve ps with pretty young girls and
if- showing their sparkling white
The ringing stoppec artoon-like smile. He thought
There was the sound of w doing a public service
clicking phone, and th( the waiting room, leading a
silence. Carla waited, expec the chorus of Make Me Smile,
ing to hear her friend Gina >m of the screen a white-let-
second, telling her that ppeared, declaring that this
dropped the phone or sometl brought to you by Queers with
Instead there wa 'ine company promoting gay
silence. sparkling teeth.
"God dammit!" She him into another set of laugh-
END button and tried again. :ing him slide off the garbage
1-"- f + 10 „ - n 1^
'KIT
+ V *%1 el*- - .- U1
t 11 _ 1 ý_ A Z _ .. .. _ • _
iiings tiICIe wias le amiiiar
II CiC.K. tilnr receiv- neIr. ricase. can so ne couiu put a nanu oy nis uiapnragm anu
er, only this time it was joined by the tired- Another moment of silence, as if some- cough out the remainder of the laughter as well
sounding voice of Gina Richmond: where, in the distant cosmos, there was an as the little bit of Kool-Mart slushie he still had
"Yeah, hello?" the voice made Carla want alternate dimension where Gina Richmond fin- inside his mouth. He looked up, realized he'd
to reach through the phone and strangle her ished her story before responding to her friend. just made a complete fool out of himself, and sat
friend. "O-Okay, Car. Sure. Give me, like, twenty min- back on the garbage can.
"Gina, it's Carla." she waited a few utes, alright?" Not long afterward a tall man in a green
moments for this to register, and then felt some- Carla sighed. "Thank you, Gee." Kool-Mart shirt came outside and told him he
thing like homicidal madness take over her She pushed the END button and put the couldn't hang around anymore. Kyle got off the
when her friend responded. phone back in her pocketbook. She stretched garbage can and apologized. He was by nature a
"Yeah, what do you want?" her velvet skirt out over he knees and sat down quiet, soft-spoken individual. He guessed that
That was all Carla could take. She on the porch by her apartment. She sat there, when Mr. Kool-Mart heard him laughing outside
screamed into the phone. "What do I want? I'll arms crossed over her chest and knees locked he came out to get rid of any no good kids hang-
tell you what Iwant! How about you getting your close together to stay warm while she waited for ing around.
ass down here and letting me into my goddamn her friend to arrive. Except Kyle wasn't a kid. Not anymore.
house? How does that sound?" Without warning, it began to rain. He was twenty-three, which meant it had been
There was a moment of silence, long some time since he'd been yelled at to get off a

Page 52
Cont.
garbage can and go back home. It had also been nothing on a bike, but on foot it could take well night was shaping up to be even worse than his.
some time since he'd laughed like that all by over an hour. "You know what," he said. "if you At least her car's still in one piece, he thought
himself. Usually he was quiet. Usually he had don't mind, it would kinda be good to have a ride to himself as she continued on her story.
a car. back to my house. What with the rain and It seemed that Gina Richmond had met a
He stood, brushing off any dirt that everything." great looking guy at a bookstore in Middle
might have attached itself to the back of his The woman looked up, realizing for the Island. There was some sort of book fair going
jeans. He pulled the mountain bike's handlebar first time that it had begun to drizzle. "Yeah, on, and Gina just loved book fairs. The guy that
from the chain-link fence outside the Kool-Mart sure." she said almost immediately. "Do you she met was also a book fair fanatic, which for
parking lot and wheeled it away from the think we can get the bike into the back of the the first time in his life made Kyle wonder if
garbage cans. He hopped on the seat and had car?" there were actually a lot of those types of peo-
just begun to pedal into the parking lot when a "We could just try hooking it back onto ple. Maybe a whole underground subculture,
green Volkswagen nipped the back wheel of his the bumper. That seemed'to work before." writing letters to each other and worshipping
bike and took it out from under him. The woman laughed, and Kyle was glad. their favorite authors with holy shrines and
He managed to get his right leg over the before he even knew it he was laughing himself. incense candles.
seat just in time to stop himself from falling, And so they stood there, laughing and getting Well, whatever the case, this guy had the
but the bike was not quite so fortunate. The wet in front of the Coram Kool-Mart. hots for Miss Gina Richmond. But when Gina
spokes in the back wheel got caught in the Oh man, he thought. If only James found out he was just trying to get her into the
Volkswagen's front license plate and the wheel Pankow was here now, doing another brusha- bedroom for a little you-know-what, she told
folded over like a briefcase. The left pedal brusha infomercial. "When life gets you down, him to go fuck himself or find some other little
swung around and hooked itself underneath the and your bike is on the ground, just remember book-fair girl to do it for him.
bumper, twisting the chain-link around and to make me smile! Oh yeah, make me smile!" Kyle listened to this, not really under-
pulling the right pedal into the spokes of the "Where do you live?" she asked him standing a lot of it, being jumbled up in Gina's
back wheel. suddenly, still laughing a little. incessant ramble as it was. But he tried to lis-
Kyle caught himself before he could fall "About four miles down the road, if you ten all the same: He liked to listen. It was one
over and actually managed to turn around go south. You sure you don't mind taking me?" of his strong points.
quickly enough to see the Volkswagen come to a The woman shook her head, laughter They pulled around a turn as Gina began
stop in front of the store, the bike still attached finally fading. "No, of course not. It's the least to tell how she, after six years of nothing, had
to the bumper and hanging there as if held up by I could do. I'm going to be out all night anyway, decided to go back and take a few night classes
invisible hooks that allowed you to drive cross- you see-" She stopped putting one hand in front at the college. Kyle listened still, liking this
country with a bike on your bumper. And, as if of her mouth. story a little better because it wasn't told in the
by some twist of irony, that car had managed to "What's the matter?" Kyle asked. nervous ramble of current events. He listened,
pull perfectly into the parking space. "Can I drive you home after I stop some- making eye contact every now and then when she
Kyle went around to the front of the car where? Do'you mind?" would turn to him, and he began to realize that
and tried to pry off his bike. A woman was com- "No, of course I don't mind. What is it?" he sort of liked her a little. And maybe not just
ing around from the driver's seat, looking very The woman shook her head. "I'll tell you a little. After all, she had a great smile.
tired and very much in disbelief at what she had when we get in."
done. Kyle got a good look at her before she
came around to help him. 6
She was not much older than he was, 5
maybe twenty-seven or twenty-eight at the In Selden a man in a black suit and top
most. She was pretty, with dark brown hair that They managed to get the bike into the hat walked down the sidewalk of Middle Country
had been put up hurriedly, as if she had rolled back of the Volkswagen with surprisingly little Road with a happy smile and a small black can
out of bed and rushed to get to the Kool-Mart trouble. Kyle got into the passenger seat and tucked neatly under his armpit. He was a tall
before they locked the doors and told her to go felt around for the seatbelt. The woman had to man, if that's how you choose to describe it. The
home That would certainly explain her driv- reach over and pull it ouit from behind the seat. truth was that he wasn't just tall, he was a god-
ing. "It's always getting caught back there." damn legend. He stood almost seven feet tall,
"I'm so sorry." she said to him as she she said as she buckled her own seatbelt and the extravagant black top hat adding at least
helped him get the bike back on the pavement. started the car. "This car's falling apart, I another foot onto that. He wearing a neatly
"I really am. Oh my God I can't believe I just did swear." pressed suit with a long black topcoat that fell
that. Oh my God." She turned to him. "Are you They Volkswagen pulled out of the park- nearly a foot below his waist. Attached to his
alright? Are you hurt?" ing lot and started down the road, heading silk vest was a gleaming silver pocket watch.
Kyle shook his head. "I'm fine. It's just north. After a minute of what seemed to be deep He had the workings of a brown mus-
the bike, really. I guess I was lucky." thought Kyle sat up in his seat and introduced tache but seemed to not be able to grow anything
The woman looked shocked. "Lucky? himself. more than faint brown shadow above his lips.
You could have been killed. Are you sure you're "I'm Kyle Loughlin." he said, extending His brown hair was slicked back and shining
alright?" his hand. underneath the shadow of the top hat he wore,
Kyle nodded. "I'm sure." He looked She accepted his hand and shook it mer- and his eyes were completely covered in the
down at his bike, which was now no more than a rily. "Gina Richmond." she said, glancing over dark overcast of the massive brim.
wretched heap from the pedals back. Maybe if I to her mirror to pass a slow moving truck in He walked merrily, shuffling his feet as
have her run it over again she could tear off the front of them. "I'm on my way out to the North he went. It seemed that at any moment he might
back and I could ride the rest home like 'a uni- Isle Village. My friend just called me from her jump to the nearest street lamp and start belt-
cycle. He looked back up at her, seeing the cell phone. You see-" she patwsed as she swung ing out Singing in the Rain in d-minor. And it
unmistakable guilt in her face. "Listen," he back over the double yellow and into the right wouldn't have taken anybody by too much sur-
said. "it's no problem, really. I'm alright, and lane. "you see, I was supposed to be house-sit- prise, either. He really did look like a charac-
there's a guy by me who could fix the bike up no ting for her while she went away this weekend, ter from a movie, or, if you will, Some kind of
problem." and I was there most of the time, except for nineteenth century Dr. Suess creation.
"Are you sure there's nothing I can do? tonight." He began to whistle as he passed by the
I feel so bad, I mean- I would feel so bad- are "She come home early?" gas stations and empty"diners, keeping his chin
you sure there's nothing I can do for you?" "No." Gina said. "She came home on as far from the ground as possible without lean-
Kyle looked back down at his bike, try- time. I just wasn't there to let her in or feed her ing his head back. He bobbed his shoulders up
ing to imagine why he would tell her it was no cats or close the damn window. Now she's and down and began to tap his fingers on the
problem. It most definitely was a problem. But, locked outside and I have her only key." head of his cane.
that compassionate voice in his head told him, it "Doesn't she have a spare?"
doesn't have to be her problem. "She gave the spare to me three months To be continued at a later date.
He looked back up at her, realizing that ago and I lost it. She hasn't got a new one made
it would only make her happy to help. And he yet. "
really could use a ride home. Four miles is Kyle nodded, thinking that this woman's

Page 53
Oh, no... n lov-
It happe vadays
should've realize alizing
Why do they hati f r beat-
My store ii though
reduced to broki )k like
heart. Everythit •...
.astern
wasn 't enough?! ;t hide
Everything...eve
What am f some
I'm fucking ruin ;er and
leave. That's w hump-
HOME." Mayb d very
Middle Eastern 4
No, fuck where
God, whj tes and
in the
Broken g ,oming
Broken g Sof tit-
dow. Behind tha set the
Broken etween
walk, up and dol blacks,
of it was whiat v whites
vases, crystal vi ecipro-
floor. I nearly c6 ticking
feet. at hap-
There wa
and tle cash reg
lot ofthe wa ot into
larly the tche kid got
make€ profit ol [te kid.
sff like, "USA er and
LIMS GO HOM How
Did they do this
And ther streets,
to parades or pla i those
small mounted i nunity.
It stood proudly Swere
The syn matter
brave. standing ;swho
say, does that St grave
And ther :patri-
Broken i," and
er? It'd just get ewing,
So when
bastards destroy he first
through the nei 'he sit-
roamed through inthe
carried weapons Ito and
you can conven van-
businesses, trashing stores, and, well...I ink the phrase "a bull in a china dalim compared to the second ti.e around in 2006. I fixed things up
shop" describes what they did pretty wet. The bastards would totally ran- we I1did. The whole fucking fiat o taught us to be more wary and cau-
sack the place, take what they wanted, and smash up the rest, maybe leave tiou ..and that meant getting som.better insurance. Times were tough
a little bit of nasty graffiti, and then move on. Systematic and efficient. for e erybody during those next twdoears, especially me. I had insurance
Oh, and I can't forget to mention again the little souvenirs they'd leave payn nts and the cost of the damag-d merchandise to take care of, and
behind. that sicked my funds dry. And as if that wasn't bad enough...it had to
Y'know, I still have that thing in my home. Why? I don't know. happe again, like ddja vu. More patriotism,wow...
Maybe as a symbol of hypocrisy and bullshit, because that's all the flag Ad when it came time for the insurance to come rolling in to save
means to me now. I wipe my ass with the damn Stars and Stripes. my sorn ass from bankruptcy...well, I got screwed. The insurance money
Patriotism used to mean something. It used to mean civic pride, never came; they said something about a "lack of availability," which was
Page 54
just a euphemism for 'sorry sir, but you're a dirty Arab andwe don't want me down. That's right, you. You all sbd by and watched as it all hap-
your dirty hands on our money.' I wasn't the only one who suffered this; pened. You stood by and gawked .asiUncle Sam made it rain bombs on
a lot of other victimized storeowners in the area went through the same one country after another. When tey passed the Patriot Act and then the
bullshit. Of course, I wasn't about to bend over and take that, so I sued. I Homeland Security Amendmen in. 2005, tried to take away our civil
In the end, I got my insure sses and didn't
to what I'd put in; just enoi vere picked up
had to declare bankruptcy. hen your Arab
I was ruined. elves with the
All of my hard wo 1church parish
from a small watch shop ir ;que was shut
raking in the dough; I was
calling for boycotts and vE opposed to it.
otism. I was even plannir se rare, blessed
that...twenty years of n hated the way
tears...ruined! patrioticthing
But after all, I am a protest-if you
off about me. American, you
Do I hate them? Y e al nce to
hate them. Yeah, I know a lic for which it
serve out judgement on a s Ijusticefor all.
dropped that shit like a bad destroyed my
lets you suffer like that, let 1,or all of you,
isn't worth worshipping. ng a shit? Or
And do I hate this c
hatred. I gave America m:

This is an exce locaust.


Want to rea 3666
Email t
Thanks tor re ding!

Page 55
I'm sick and tired of this shit. t-n P rcf 'T
IIVJ Cu.L3..
M nI tn r T-n
j1. CL
CI
ii IPm
LUI. LUL, JULL. I iII piuuauiy urIuli
T T<I T,-ý
uy iiuw. I awaySi
T+1
UUU. It
Every night, every fucking night, it's the same crap, over and over hurts, yet it's euphoric, too, as if my body can't decide whether this is
and over again. It's like a wheel that just won't stop spinning, round and good or bad, holy or sinful, pleasurable or painful.
round and round and round and round and round and round et cetera ad I choose the latter in all three cases.
infinitum. I am a toy.
Although what I'm talking about really has nothing at all to do I'm getting hotter now. His hands are all over me again, and I des-
with wheels or spinning. It's just a metaphor. Screw you if you don't like perately want to pry them off but something's stopping me. I'm practi-
it. I never was good at the damn things anyway. cally paralyzed with pleasure and pain.
Oh, but I am good for one particular thing, aren't I? Every toy has Faster, faster. In, out, in, out. More euphoria, more, more, more.
its purpose. And that's what I am. A toy. A fucking toy. And every night, It's so hot and I can hardly breathe, he's so heavy. He's clutching me too
I get played with. And every night, I get tossed out afterward like yester- fucking tight. Tighter now. I know what this means. Only about a minute
day's trash. But he still keeps coming back for more. left.
Every night, every fucking night, it's the same crap, over and over He moans, and involuntarily, I do, too. Again. Again. Again.
and over again. Oooooooh...
The door opens. Fifty seconds.
He comes in, closes the door, smiles at me, walks over to my bed, He's nibbling on my ear because he knows that's one of my most
smiles some more, strokes my cheek, runs his fingers through my hair, sensitive spots. It's becoming unbearable.
lifts my chin up so I'm looking into his eyes, plants a kiss on my lips, Forty seconds.
slides his tongue in gently, rubs my chest, undoes the buttons on my paja- I grind my teeth and take the pain. I'm getting better at it each
mas one by one, slides them off ever so slowly, teases my nipples, plants time. Every time; it hurts less. Soon, it won't hurt at all, and I'll feel noth-
butterfly kisses all over, kisses deeper, deeper, and now he's on top of me, mg...
our eyes still locked on each other. He moves his hands down, down, Thirty seconds.
down, down, down... I am a toy. I'm supposed to feel nothing. I'm just supposed to lay
I tell him to stop. there, limp, and take it. Take it like the docile girl that I am. I don't even
I tell him it's not right. struggle anymore; I used to be more resistant, but now I see that it is use-
I tell him I don't want it. less. It hurts more if you struggle, too. Toys shouldn't struggle.
I tell him I'm scared. Twenty seconds.
I tell him I'm afraid. I must say, I'm handling this rather well. He's even going a bit
I tell him I need time. easier on me this time. He's making it slower, gentler, now, more sensu-
I tell him... al, making it last longer. Better for him and worse for me. It's an eternity.
I tell him... I suppose this is what Hell must be like, getting fucked by the devil and
I tell him... loving every second of it.
I have no voice. I am a toy. Ten seconds.
I tell him no. Killing me softly... I can feel that he's about to come. I am, too. I
He hears,fuck me... especially hate that part, because then he, he...he...oh...shit......o.. GOD!
I sa it's wrong. We come at the same time. The orgasm is so intense that my eyes
He hears, more...please...more...please, give me more...1 want it, I roll into the back of my head and involuntarily I grip onto him for deal
need it, I crave it...itfeels good...it makes me happy...oh, god in heaven, I life. Now all I feel is pleasure where before I felt pain. I read somewhere
want more... that orgasms generally last for about eight seconds, eight seconds of
I am a toy. ecstasy. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight fucking seconds. All
And now he has his clothes off, and we're down to our underwear, that work on his part and suffering on mine for eight lousy seconds. As
and he's got his fucking hands all over me, touching me, groping me, soon as I think about it, it's over.
fondling me. A part of me wants it. Most of me doesn't. Both our bodies Then, he holds me in his arms for a while, holding me tight againsi
are flushed, and nervous sweat starts to pour out of me. I'm getting wet him, trying to shelter me, as our hearts calm down and my sweat and his
down where he's thrusting his fingers, too. semen dry up and I start to get sleepy. Then, he gives me one last peck on
I can smell the lust in his sweat. The smell is overpowering my the lips, drops me onto the bed, throws me my clothes, and walks oul
nostrils as it hangs in the air, thick and pungent. without even saying goodbye, without saying I love you, without saying
I'm shuddering all over as his fingers slither over my most sensi- anything, without even a fucking glance at me. I am a toy. Toys have no
tive spots. He knows them well. feelings, remember? So he quickly leaves the room as if he's ashamed to
Now, he's pressing against me. He's heavy. I'm being crushed. be seen with me or ashamed to know that he RAPED ME, he fucking
And yet I feel pleasure too. I don't want to feel pleasure from him, from RAPED ME. HE RAPED ME. He doesn't care. I am a toy to him, just a
this, but I do. It's my body's natural response. soft, tight sixteen-year old toy to him.
It's sinful. And I can't tell a word about it to anyone 'cause they won't
I'm scared. believe me. I am a toy.
I can't speak anymore, because his mouth is pressed against mine Daddy closes the door behind him as he leaves. Then he'll proba-
and his tongue is so far down my throat I think I'm gonna gag... bly go fuck some of his other toys.
I'm getting hot...I'm boiling over, and the pressure is SAll for eight seconds of ecstasy...
building...it's building...it's building...my mind says no, my body says Eight seconds...
yes, he's oblivious to me, why won't he fucking listen?
At. this point everything's starting to get blurry because of the
intensity of it all.
And he's just beginning...foreplay's over.
He tears off my panties. God, I hate this. This is the worst part...he
thrusts, and I clench my eyes shut and grind my teeth as the pain shoots
through me.
Why does it have to hurt so fucking much?
No matter to him; I am a toy. Toys have no feelings.
He's going in deeper, deeper, and it hurts so much I feel like I'm
gonna fucking explode. But it doesn't matter crap to him. Maybe he fig-
ures that because I'm so young, I'm somehow softer, and it won't hurt so
much.
Fuck that.
Fuck me.
In, out, in, out, in, out, faster now, in, out, I can hear him grunting,
I can hear him whispering in my ear. Not really-I hear nothing; I have
Page 56
e 57
LAST PARTy
by PAulA Guy
Tonight we are having a party, where we used to have par- "Its dirt soup", he said.
ties, before we got too old and time seemed precious, and every- Maybe life was nicer when Mark didn't exist. Or Maybe
one had work in the morning. my memory is retarded.
"Lets go down the beach!" Seth would say, and we'd get Mum and Dad were swept up in something bigger than them-
impatient for the holidays, our sagging tents and cheap beer. selves. Mum would lift me up onto her knee those party nights,
Everyone ended up at my home. The peeling white house on the hazy beer-happy eyes.
hill, crumbling into the cliff. Farm-land. Beach-land. Glass windows "You'll always be my baby", she'd say and quickly drop
glazed with salt. me down again, floating off in her silly-wobbly brown boots, her
A Land of milk and shit. No fucking honey insight (unless shiny brown pony-tail bobbing up and down like a warning. She
you count Dylan -he's kind of hot). Maybe that's why everyone in doesn't hug people when she's sober.
Whangarei drinks. Dad has a paunch now. Mum's skin is crinkling gently into
I take a drag of my Salem and the smoke slowly scratches her smile.
my lungs. This shit reminds me of home. Smoking in the toilet, Most of all their eyes have changed, sunken deeper into their
my inexpert lungs trying not to cough. I couldn't be a pussy, and heads, retreating like tired party eyes.
also my parents couldn't hear me. I used to carry a lot of cheap Now I don't have Mark, I am worried. What is going to
air-freshener when I was 14. happen to me when I am old and wrinkled, with no one old and
It is hazy and heavy in today. Too many cars tarring up wrinkled to share my bed. Yuck. I don't even want to think about
Auckland's air. it.
I sit out side Verona's lopsided neon sign, and glare at peo- What happens when you've been alive for too long? What
ple. happens when your past follows you around like a tattoo?
My phone rings but I ignore it. It is either my boss or Mark It's like that part in the Wizard of Oz. "There's no place
(who, if this 1was 18 hours earlier, would still be my boyfriend). like home" Dorothy says. She may be a stupid bitch but she's right.
Today was strange because I purposely did not wake up for work, You are always going to have trouble finding somewhere which
and I did not wake up next to Mark. I'm sick of selling Pacific clings to you like the leeching place and people that you come from,
cruises to fat customers who love their lives so much they take and the people who you try to make a part of that place.
holidays in resorts which replicate their houses. I'm sick of Mark Even when I moved away, there's the phone calls.
because he's always here and he always has been. The hometown stoner friends, calling up "How's it going?".
Mark used to party down the beach with us, but it's awk- The insistent family.
ward now. He never wakes up for work. He leaves his socks mould- "The boys caught some Kahwai today".
ing on my floor. Only I am allowed to do that. He left his clothes "Maggie lost a tooth".
on someone else's floor, and he didn't tell me. And most of all he "Claire wants to come and see you".
never comes to the beach. "When are you coming home?". The worst question.
I met Mark at a bus-stop in Whangarei. He thought he was I'm never coming home. Maggie has my bedroom. My Pink
cool because he was from Auckland and could blow proper smoke Floyd poster has fallen off the wall. They are renovating:the lounge
rings. I thought he was cool because he had money for cigarettes and they want to add a guest-room. A harsh clean paint smell points
and had seen Pulp Fiction five times before it was even out on out the changes to me and the walls slide in foreign directions. I
video. He'd done E before (I secretly thought this made him a have nowhere real to put my memories, because my home and my
wanker), and he never fucking washed his loopy hair. family are changing. I want memories safe in a museum. I want a
I invited Mark to one of our parties. Somehow he just kept safe place where there's no Mark. No cigarettes and surfboard wax.
on turning up. Outside the bus window, the grey Auckland offices and the bent
Other people seemed to like our place. My parents were pret- railings of the motorway buzz past. The smell of squashed gum
ty friendly: "Its fine to have friends over. Just don't do anything and heated-bodies mixes with the petrol leaking on the road behind
stupid." us. Behind this there is a magic smell, pinching my conscience.
"We'll just be down the beach," we'd say. Crushed mud, grass, that rough animal smell, and sticky beach air.
Mum and Dad were purposely blind, I think. Ignoring the I sleep because people on buses are tiring to talk to.
bleary-eyed state in which we'd return. Ignoring the smell of stale I can still smell Mark in my hair, cigarettes and coconut and
beer. left-over ocean salt. It pisses me off.
They were always busy. Drenching cows, changing nappies, Claire calls me.
running kids to sport, and partying themselves. Dad's rugby teams "Hal got weed for us!" she says. I am proud of my sister.
used to come over every Saturday after the game and get pissed at Seventeen and destroying my parents from the inside. She makes
our place. The house would smell of liniment and dried dirt. There me tired.
was a big pile of shoes at the door, and deep belly laughs bounced I'm off the bus and its raining on Whangarei's main street.
off the walls. I wanted to be a man and smell like liniment and Farm Supplies and a dairy. We're lucky to have a liquor store. Jared
laugh like a giant. picks me up.
In summer there were parties too, spilling out onto the veran- "Hey Kristy! Let's go get the booze".
da. Mum would bend over the barbeque, and the kids played crick- We walk through the Super Liquor isles. The bright blue
et on the lawn. Dad would even dig a hangi sometimes. Us kids shelves greet me like a friend.
would lick our lips as we sat round the steaming hole, waiting for "Its an alcohol library!" as Mark used to say. Smartass.
the river rocks to cook the food, so we could dip the smoky pota- Jared swings his dirty blonde dreads from side to side, as he
toes into the greasy pig fat. It got so hot that my brother Tom and ponders the Coruba. He probably hasn't showered in a week.
I would slurp the left-over beer, grimacing at its pregnant rankness. "I wonder how many bottles are down in those flax bush-
Page 58
LAST PARTy by PAULA Guy
Cont.
es?" says Jared. The track up to the house is smooth and warm.
"Remember we thought your parents didn't know!" We lay on the track once because we were too pissed to get
Secret parties were fun. Alcohol mixed with adrenaline. up the hill.
Later I found out that Mum and Dad always knew. Though The hills smell like night and flax and cow shit. Fuck I hate
I don't think they knew just how many bottles we hid in those bush- walking.
es. Why did they build the house so far up?
"Kids having -fun," Dad said. The door isn't locked. Home with a red door, like a light-
Jared places the Corona on the counter and I bring the house.
Absolute Feijoa. I have to sleep. The beer is hitting me harder than it should.
"How grown up are we?!" says Jared. He makes a monkey The carpet feels strange and springy, and the paint smells awake.
face. The bread crumbs and lasagna from dinner are still on the bench.
"We should get some Double Brown for old times sake". Past the kitchen I don't need a light.
I make a monkey face back. Maggie is curled in my room. Her room. She smells like
squashed play-dough.
Jared and I pull up to the beach. Grass and salt and dead Mum and Dadhaven't changed the wallpaper here because I
fish ground together. Josh and Hannah are already there, sitting in can still feel the cat-scratches.
the old Carola, which is as battered as the orange cliffs. It smells Up the hall, the photos from my Twenty-First stare at me.
like rust. Claire and Seth and Ryan walk down from the house. Mark grins from them like a ghost, an arrogant little scar laughing
I'm not going home just yet. Mum and Dad can have another night in the side of his mouth.
before I tell them I have no job and a slutty boyfriend. Mum There's a sliver of light under Mum and Dad's door, because
thought I was going to marry Mark. As if either of us would waste Dad always falls asleep with the lamp on. I run my hand over the
money on a fucking ring. shiny paint on their wall.
Claire starts rolling and Seth hands me a Double Brown. I'm like God- if it existed, looking down at Mum and Dad,
Another car-load pulls up, and now we have chairs. happy and safe, even though they know their life is running out.
Warm Double Brown. Why I am drinking this shit? I don't know how they do it. There's always a mattress at the end
Dylan turns up in his tractor. He's good value for a farmer- of their bed. When I was three I had nightmares and had to sleep
boy, with brown arms and eyes and a broken nose curving like a there. My feet stick off the end now. My past is held together with
question. Donald-Duck plasters and egg-shells. Boys are still stupid.
Rage Against the Machine blares from the tractor. I think it's Maybe I'll go back to the beach because the party's just
"Killing in the Name of," but I'm not really listening. starting.
"Where's Mark?" says Claire. My phone rings silently. This time I answer. I listen.
"Not here," I say. "Kate" says Mark.
"You're weird." The phone is nested in my ear, but I don't talk.
The beach stretches out like .a huge funnel. I curl up tight so I fit on the mattress.
Last year Mark and Jared went surfing at midnight. They Mark is breathing quiet breaths.
should have gotten lost in the water. Mark's hair was black and My home and the people and Mark. I want to fall asleep
plastered over his eyes and he tasted like salt. He laughed because with him.
his ribs were bruised. I leave Mark talking in my earbut I'm thinking of the
Jared'and Josh build a fire. The flames get higher. Jared beach, and how next time we go down there, there has to be a
jumps over but no one else does. "I need Mark," he says. I want party again. If I wasn't sleepy I'd go grab another warm beer, but
Jared to shut up. for now, the voice and the mattress are okay.
Its dark and the waves sound closer. I can't see the faces. "It's my fault" says Mark.
Josh is laughing like a clown. Swinging his Chucks by the flames. "No."
I have to take a walk. "I'm coming home" he says.
The clothes look like him but they smell
strange. I couldn't even smell me anymore.
Doesn't he know there's no home anywhere
anymore? Mark is sleeping somewhere else now
and there's a tiny piece of string breaking in
my chest.
This is the last party, so I walk down
the hill, and it hugs me gently because it is
mine. I want it to be my beach, even though
I feel like a ghost.
I can hear the laughing beach voices
floating in and out like waves. On and on 'til
I'm a hundred years old.

Drawing by James Blonde

Page 59
Breaking News once of the paramedics adjusted her oxygen mask. Her gurney was
brought out of the room and she was gone. He looked away as the others
"We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news. About passed; he couldn't bear to look at them. The victims he'd encountered
thirty minutes ago a bomb went off inside a crowded cafeteria on the cam- while in Iraq had had that same listless look in their eyes. There was now
pus of a high school in Cleveland. It has been confirmed that this was in no real difference between these American kids and the Iraqi kids he'd
fact a suicide bombing possibly done by a student, although it's too early seen back then. It was as if he was back in the war zone.
to say who the perpetrator was or what their motive was. So far, at least
twenty to thirty people are dead, and these are only early statistics; the Captain Matthews could take no more of this. Tears stinging his
number may be higher. We'll have more information on this story as it eyes, he stumbled out of the room and whispered a prayer to the Lord
develops. We now bring you back to your regularly scheduled program." above that the souls of the dead would find eternal rest. He had no soon-
er finished his prayer when he heard an imperative beeping noise coming
Aftermath from nearby. It sounded like a cell phone. He checked it out, and indeed
it was a cell phone, which hung from the belt of one of the kids who was-
It was horrible. It was sickening. It was ghastly. It was stupefying.
n't breathing and who had no pulse...
It was revolting. It was appalling.
Fear
"It" was the sight of a cafeteria littered with corpses as well as
some who were not yet corpses but were not far from becoming so. The "He's not answering, Harold."
stench of death and burning flesh was like foul incense hanging in the air.
The whimpers and cries and sobs and gasps of the wounded were like a Sheila Nichols was worried. She'd tried to call her son several
symphony from Hell. The smoke still lingered despite the valiant efforts times, but so far he hadn't responded: Where was he? Was he alright? Was
of the ventilation system. The area was dim because many of the lights his cell phone broken? Was he hurt? Or worse...was he.,.?
had been blown out by the explosion. A cold breeze flowed through the
room; many of the windows had been blown out, too. Shattered glass and "And that's the fifth time you've called
shrapnel and overturned tables and chairs filled the space Captain him, too. Something's wrong..."
Matthews was standing in as he watched his men wander around aiding Harold Nichols was also very concerned.
the wounded. The news reports were grim. The bomber had
Their job was to fight fires, but since there were no fires to be struck without warning, and many people had
snuffed out they were helping the paramedics aid the victims that were been hurt and even killed. It was so surreal; noth-
still alive. Captain Matthews stayed out of their way for the most part, as ing like this had ever happened before. Sure,
he was stupefied by the dreadful sights that met his eyes. He'd served in there'd been school shootings in the past, but a
Iraq for a year, and in that time he'd seen this kind of thing happen on suicide bombing?! This kind of thing was com-
numermos occrasions After all it monplace in the Middle East, but not in America,
was a war zone. Harold thought.

But he'd thought he'd The TV images were brutal and disturbing, and the mother and the
escaped all of that! He'd thought father both had to turn away, as the images were just too horrid to even
he'd never have to see something glance at. The thought that their son might be among them made it even
like that ever again! He'd worse.
thought that these things were "He's gotta be alive," Sheila said defiantly. "He's not dead. No
part of another time, another way. It can't be. It wouldn't have been his lunch break yet, so why would
space. But no! Here it was again, he be in the cafeteria?" She snickered, as if mocking the very notion that
hitting him like a fierce punch to her son might've been among those corpses being shown on TV. It
the gut. The sight of all the seemed to work for her, but not for her husband.
charred bodies, combined with
the awful, inescapable stencn and "Please God...Please Lord...Please Lord...let Keith be safe. Let
the pure shock of it all, brought tears to his eyes. him live. Make him answer the phone and tell us he's alright." Harold's
prayer was so fervent that tears began cascading from his eyes. "Oh, God
Why! Why! Why! Why, God! Why do these things have to happen?! have mercy!"
What did these kids do to deserve this?! Tell me, God!
For minutes, there was total silence in the living room, save for the
And then the sirens started wailing, completing the cacophony that TV. Sheila and Harold just sat back and watched the images on the screen
assailed Captain Matthews' ears. It was becoming unbearable now. A and the talking heads "analyze" the situation. It was so overwhelming;
bunch of kids were brought out of the room on stretchers. As they passed this was not how the two had planned to spend their day off from work.
he sneaked a glance at one of them, a girl who had been sliced by shrap- But all the mattered now was the welfare of their son Keith.
nel and burned by the explosion. Her hair was singed, her clothing was
tattered, and her body was limp; one of her hands hung lazily over the side The phone suddenly rang.
and brushed past Captain Matthews' leg. And her eyes... fear and anger
and pain and shock...none of these were present, only a blank, uncompre- A feeling of dread filled Sheila as she picked it up tentatively.
hending stare in her listless eyes. Somehow, this wasn't going to be good news. "Hello...yes,
speaking...yes...oh....oh, God! No! No..."
She looked like she was dead. But not quite; she blinked once as

Page 60
Cont.
Harold's heart stopped a beat as a sudden coldness overcame him. Keith is, I'm sure we'll find him-"
"Sheila...?"
"What...happened? Where's Keith?"
"It's the hospital. They just brought him in now." Her voice was
calm, grim, and accepting. "You got burned in that explosion. You're at the hospital now, and
we're going to take good care of you. Don't strain yourself, now. You've
"And?" been out for about five hours and -- "

"He's...he's dead, Harold," his wife stammered, "Keith's dead!" "Where's Keith?! Where's my mom and dad?!"
Pain "Your parents have been notified, and they're on their way now.
Keith..."
The darkness gradually gave way to an intense, piercing light as
Sally's eyes fluttered open. But her vision was clouded and hazy, and the "My boyfriend. Last name Nichols. Keith Nichols. He...he was
girl wondered if she had somehow made it to the pearly gates of Heaven. there with me...he must've been hurt too..."
But what a strange welcome this was. She could hear murmurs and the
hustle of people scurrying about. She could make out a few moans and The nurse looked around, trying to think of some way to pacify
groans in the distance, but she had no way of knowing who was uttering this girl. She called an orderly over and asked her, "Do we have a Keith
them or what was provoking them. The air that she was breathing was Nichols here?"
strange, it seemed more pure than regular air, but she could also detect an Visibly irritated at being interrupted, the orderly checked a clip-
odd, acrid stench lingering around, like smoke from a fire. She could feel board with a handwritten list on it. After a minute, she droned, "Nope. Not
an itchy sensation all over much of her body, coupled with a certain hot- in here. Haven't ID'ed everyone yet."
ness, as if she was being baked by the sun. Maybe this wasn't Heaven at
all, she thought. Maybe this was Hell... "All right then, thank you."
But then an angel suddenly loomed over her, its immaculate white The nurse aimed a consoling smile at Sally, but she would have
garb nearly indistinguishable though the bright light and the haze. The none of it. "Please, nurse...I need to know...'
angel murmured something that Sally could barely make out, "...coming
to..." The haze began to diminish and her hearing began to come back as "Relax, calm down sweetie. We haven't finished identifying
the nurse attended to something nearby that looked like a plastic bag on a everybody yet-in fact, it might take a while. But let me see...I'll page
long pole, with a tube or wire of some sort snaking down towards Sally. the front desk."
As she followed it with her eyes, she noticed that the tube was connected
Sally groaned a few words of thanks as the pain continued relent-
to her own arm!
lessly. Why did it have to hurt so much? She tried to focus on her sur-
What is this place...? roundings instead of the pain, but this was a nearly impossible task. After
all, when you have second and even third degree burns scattered all over
The angel finished whatever it was doing, and then it moved clos- your body, it's not that easy to just ignore them.
er to Sally, adjusting something that had been covering her mouth and
6TT11,1 4 T 1-,3
nose. An oxygen mask, she finally realized. And the angel must -eno- Tills IS,Dbeatice...yeacn, i nave a
have been fiddling with an IV bag... girl here who wants to know if a Keith
Nichols is here...one of the kids that were
An angel...no, it was a nurse. And this was a hospital. brought in after the bombing...uh,
okay.........oh.. oh, Lord, that's just horri-
The itchy sensation turned into a burning sensation as Sally ble...really...okay, thanks..."
regained consciousness. But almost immediately she wished she
hadn't, for she could now see and hear and smell everything more Sally didn't like her ominous tone.
vividly; people moaning as they were attended to by nurses and
doctors, incessant beeping and other obnoxious noises coming from Please, God, let Keith be all right...
machines and monitors, medical personnel barking orders, and the
The nurse sighed and shook her head sadly.
burning, God, the burning! This place truly was like the pits of Hell.
No, don't say it...
Oh, God! Keith! Is he here, too?!
"I'm sorry...I had them check for your boyfriend's name, to see if
Sally vaguely remembered the explosion. It had come without
he was brought in...they did, but Keith was dead before they even arrived.
warning while she was waiting for her boyfriend Keith to return with their
lunch. There wasn't even enough time to duck or hide behind something. I'm so sorry, sweetie."
There had been a loud BOOM! followed by a blast of intense heat, and Sally's blood ran cold. Her throat tightened up as if she was chok-
then all became oblivion. Now she was in a hospital surrounded by some ing. It felt like all the air in her lungs had been sucked out. Suddenly, the
kids she recognized as classmates, but Keith was nowhere to be seen. intense burning and itching no longer registered in her brain. She was so
Sally was desperate to find out more, so she called out weakly, "Keith, stunned that not even one tear flowed from her eyes. She couldn't even
Keith Keith!" It didn't take long before her desperate murmurs attracted think; her mind had gone blank over the realization that Keith, her
the attention of another nurse. boyfriend, was dead...murdered.
"Dear, sweetie, calm down. You're in good hands now. Whoever Anger
Page 61
Cont.
"What?! What do you mean, he's dead?!" Isaac started stomping upthe stairs, making sure to make as much
noise as possible. If only the bomber's evil carcass had been laying
Fifteen year old Isaac nearly dropped the phone when the terrible there..
news assaulted his ears. As if his friend Sally's serious injuries weren't
bad enough...now another of his friends was... "I wish I was old enough to join the army so I could go over to
Iraq or Afghanistan and kick me some terrorist ass! Kill 'em all! Yeah,
"Dead...God, why?! What the hell did they do?! What did any of that's what I'd do...huh? The news is saying that it was somebody from
them do to deserve that?!" He sat down in his chair again only to stand up the school?! You're kidding...no, Jay, you're not serious... No way! I
again and start pacing around. "Yeah, I'm still here...well, I'm sorry, too, gotta see this." He stormed into his brother's room, which unlike his own
you know?! I'm sorry as shit, but that ain't gonna change one goddamn had a TV in it, and tuned in to the local news.
thing! One of my best friends is dead!"
It took a while for the anchor to get around to it, what with all the
Isaac kicked at a toy lying on the floor. His younger sister Aaliyah 'expert' commentary and all, but after five minutes of tense waiting, the
didn't dare utter one sound of protest over it; whining over a toy wasn't anchor finally mentioned what Isaac's friend had just told him: the suicide
worth Isaac blowing up at her. She remained in her hiding spot behind the bomber had in fact been a student at the school.
kitchen counter and kept as quiet as possible to avoid
incurring his wrath... "Sick...real sick...I wonder who it was.. too bad he's dead, or
else I could've killed him myself!"
"Yeah, I suppose I should, like, count my bless-
ings since I go to a different school, but it would be bet- Isaac sat down on his brother's bed and tried to let himself calm
ter if I didn't have to! And I'm still worried about down, devastated by everything that was happening. If only he
Kareem! He hasn't come home yet! My parents are out could do something! But here he was, helpless, sitting in front of an
looking for him, but no luck. He better not be...uh, huh. impassive TV screen which just kept showing the horrid images
I'm sorry, I'm jtst...really angry right now, you know? ceaselessly. Meanwhile, Jay said as many peaceable things as he
It's like, can't we be safe anywhere anymore?! I don't could muster, but it wasn't helping his hot tempered friend. Isaac
wanna to be afraid anymore...I just don't want any was just about to leave the room when, out of the corner of his eye,
more of this..." he noticed an envelope laying on his brother's desk.

Aaliyah figured now was the time to go take


refuge in her room. Isaac could be a real terror when he
got mad. She could get the toy later, when it was safer.
IJfondso'e
"What the hell...Jay, I found something. I just found an envelope
in Kareem's room.. .let's see...there's a note in here with is name
on it...it's titled "My Ambiton." Wait, I'll read it toyou right now..."

"Stupid terrorist bastards! I hope that guy burs in Hell!" He Ambition Jihad
kicked at some more stuff lying around as he stormed around, cell phone
in hand. "They're like goddamn cockroaches, you take one out and they In the name of God, The Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful,
keep coming...and now a school! Killing kids...that's low...that's Sovereign of the Day of Judgment. All praise belongs to God, who is the
low...yeah, yeah, Jay, I'm worried. I don't know where my brother is, my Creator, Sustainer and Guide of all the worlds.
friend Sally is seriously injured, and now one of my best friends, who I've I, Kareem, humble servant of God the Almighty, write this to seal
known since the goddamn second grade, is.DEAD! So yeah, I'm worried! my deed of fire and blood. I'm writing this to tell you about my ambition
Don't tell me not-to be worried! I've got every right to be!" of jihad. I've kept this a secret from my friends and family for far too
If there had been a sledgehammer lying around, no doubt Isaac long.
would have taken it and used to smash some things. But the best he could Every day I saw them, all of them, my fellow students and my
do right now was to kick at some furniture. Better than kicking his kid sis- teachers, those infidels. I hate them. I hate all of them. Every day it would
ter, at least. be the same; their mistreatment of me, their insults, their epithets, their
"Uuuurgh! I HATE these people, Jay! I hate them all! Yeah...oh, condemnations of me and my faith. For four years I went through a living
you do too? Well, that's nice. That's really nice. 'Cause we should hate Hell trying to survive this oppression at the hands of my peers. I forced
these bastards, I don't care what anybody says. They come along, pre- myselt to look away trom tneir vicious
tending to be Muslims, and then they go off and do this shit...making peo- stares. I bore their threats, especially form
ple like me and my family look like terrorists when we're not... Uuuurgh!' the bigger kids, silently. I put up with the
I just wanna...kill 'em all!" shoves and pushes and pranks and ridicule
and fights.
Isaac's fist was clenched so tight that his fingernails were digging
into his palms. He unclenched them for a minute and clenched them I figured it was all a test of my faith.
again, making a fist that he wished he could send flying into bin Laden's I figured that if I could just get through this
beady little eyes. without going over the edge, I would be
stronger for it. I prayed to God above for
"I know...I know, Jay! I know that's not a good thing to say but strength and guidance. But I realized some-
you know what?! I don't care right now! Okay?! I don't give a shit! That thing. I realized that things would never get
bastard killed my friend and hurt another friend, and I swear, if my broth- better for me. It was always going to be like
er was hurt...." this. As far as America was concerned I was
aV*- dirty terrorist
VVWL4J.JL
ll~J JA I would alwavy
"_7 have
AX" V%I to nut
IV %4V

Page 62
LonE.
up with infidels torturing me. Idiots! Wallowing in their sinful lives, with rials around town, bought tem, and built the bomb in the garage when my
absolutely no respect for God. family was away one weekend. It was not very difficult but it took me a
long time and some experimentation to get it right. But finally, I had my
To them I was no different from bin Laden. To them I was public tool for vengeance.
enemy number one. To them I was a terrorist. As if it was my own fault
that New York was attacked years ago. No...it was America's own fault. I hid the bomb deep in my closet where no one would find it, and
America brought the fire of God's vengeance upon itself, for spitting in I decided on a time and place to do my deed and fulfil my ambition of
the face of God, for terrorizing our people. People had to die as punish- holy jihad. The day came, I got up, said a prayer to God that I might be
ment, for clamoring for the deaths of Muslims around the world. Unlike successful, and went to school with the bomb in my gym bag. My plan
my classmates I followed the world situation closely, and I knew some- was to detonate it at lunchtime in the cafeteria, when the place would e
thing was very wrong with the way things were. It was revolting to me crowded and I could take out as many people as I could. They had to be
how people could cheer on the mass slaughter of Muslims, how they punished for what they had done to me, for what they and their country
could target me and oppress me. They deserved to be punished. had done to my people.
A thousand prayers go to God above that I will be successful in my
ambition. God willing, I will go to Heaven within a few hours of writing
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something, and so my ambi- this letter, to join the other martyrs who have died for our faith. I hope my
tion for jihad was born. I went online in my room, late at night, and stud- family will understand that what I did was necessary and noble, though I
ied the other martyrs and their schemes. I decided I would add myself to doubt they will. Mom, please don't cry for me. Dad, don't mourn me.
their numbers by bombing my school. I wanted to kill them all, they were Isaac, Aaliyah, be proud of me, I beg you.
so disgusting to me. And so I searched for information on how to make a
homemade pipe bomb. I did it all in secret of course; no one could find Allah ahu akbar; God is great.
out before it was time. found out where I could buv the necessary mate-
Master Master
Chief Chief
Goes to Goes to
Winter Winter
X X
Games Games
By Joe.Rios By Joe Rios

The Chief sat on the mountain side, taking a moment to survey the the computer so you are going to have to handle that part. Also, I can only
situation. He knew what his mission was. The Covenant had been getting control it as far as 300 yards, so don't get too far away from it, otherwise
closer and closer to a power station that was crucial to the Earth Defense it won't be of much use to us." "Good" replied the chief as he flicked a
Network. The Chief knew the Covenant were very close, good thing the switch on the crate of explosives. The display flickered on reading "5:00"
Covenant didn't know. He was Spartan 117 and he was always ready for and started counting down "4:59, 4:58..."
a fight. The chief jumped into the gunner seat of the warthog and yelled
It was times like these of course, where the Chief was glad to have "Punch it!" The tires of the Warthog started crunching snow as the
Cortana in his head. Looking down at the Covenant installation he asked Spartan and the AI headed down the mountain. They had to fight their
her, "So what are our options?" Cortana quickly chimed back, "Well I way down 15 kilometers in 5 minutes... saying that time was against them
can't tell you exactly what we are up against from this altitude, but we can would be an understatement.
forget air support. The entire fleet is engaged right now." "Why am I not
surprised..." muttered the Chief. As bad as the situation seemed, the Chief The first several kilometers were enemy free, as they barreled
was still grinning under his visor. He loved a challenge. down the mountain, they accelerated to a speed that can only be described
The Chief darted back 200 yards to the Pelican which he had as "entirely too fast for a Warthog." At approximately 7 or 8 KM down,
"Landed" on the mountain. It wasn't so much a Pelican any more. It was they passed a group of Jackals that were clearly scouting the area. The
more like "The wreckage of a Pelican shot down by Covenant anti-aircraft group consisted of 6 Jackals, 3 of which were plowed over by the speed-
guns." Obviously it was going to be of no use to him, but inside the fuse- ing warthog. The machine was moving so fast the remaining jacks had no
lage were various weapons and things he might find useful. The Chief idea what had hit their fellow warriors. As they approached the remains of
went into the fuselage and came back out a moment later carrying a sniper their companions, they didn't even notice the 3 grenades the chief had
rifle, battle rifle, rocket launcher, and enough ammunition to take on a tossed out of the warthog at just the right time. As the Spartan continued
small army. He made a pile outside the pelican and went back in again. down the mountain, he thought to himself "If that was a surprise to them,
"What else could you possibly need from this bird?" Asked they haven't seen anything yet!"
Cortana. The Chief was silent as he grabbed a large crate from inside the The Chief was enjoying himself so muchthat he almost losttrack
Pelican and brought it out. As he placed it down right-side-up, Cortana of time. Cortana announced "One kilometer ahead we have two Wraith
could see the word "Explosives" written on the crate. The best response tanks, and they know we're coming!"
she could come up with at the time was "Oh." The chief held onto the gun with one arm, and with the other he grabbed
After the Master Chief had collected all of his weapons and made his rocket launcher. He took aim at the nearest tank and fired two rockets
sure everything was functional, he walked 20 yards to where the Warthog, at it. As the rockets were tearing across the space the Chief dropped the
which was attached to the pelican, and fallen. It was beaten up and upside launcher to the floor of the warthog and aimed the Warthogs rail gun at
down, but that wasn't going to stop the Chief. The Spartan used his mas- the farther tank. The weapon powered up and as soon as the green
sive strength to flip the Warthog back over onto its wheels. He hopped in "Ready" light lit up, the Chief fired off 4 rounds at the further tank. Due
the driver's seat, flipped a few switches, and with a press of the ignition to the immense speed of the rail gun, the rounds from it caught up with
button the Warthog roared to life. the rockets from the launcher just as they were both about to hit their
As the chief was loading his weaponry into the Warthog, Cortana respective targets. For a moment there was absolute silence and then two
finally asked "So... care to tell me what you plan is?" The chief replied, bright flashes followed by the deafening sounds of two tanks simultane-
"We are going down this mountain. On the way down we are going to kill ously exploding. "Got to hurry" thought the chief "time is running out."
as many covenant as we can." Cortana had to ask, "and what about the rest With just three kilometers to go, the chief had no choice but to
of them?" "The rest of them," the chief replied, "the snow will take care slow the Warthog down so he could kill all the grunts and jackals he was
of." approaching. The Spartan was laying down continuous fire' at the
It took a second to realize what the chief meant by that but once covenant soldiers when Cortana called his attention "Chief..." "I'm kind
she figured it out she yelled "You are crazy! We are going to end up buried of busy right now Cortana" The chief broke in. "I know chief' she stated,
alive or worse!" The chief smacked his helmet to get her attention "We are "but I think you need to know, ZERO SECONDS!"
not going to get buried alive, and we definitely are not going to die. Now The Master Chief looked back at the top of the mountain just in
tell me, can you auto-pilot that Warthog?" time to see a bright flash of light. The sub-nuclear warhead detonated, and
As the chief was setting up the crate full of explosives Cortana the shockwave rushed down the mountain at the speed of sound. When the
announced, "Ok Chief, I can drive the Warthog, but the gun isn't tied into wave hit the warthog it was almost flipped over. Cortana stopped the

Page 64
Master Chief Goes to Winter X Games
By Joe Rios
Cont.
warthog and told the chief "Look at the mountain Chief." "head" of the scarab. Just as the warthog was about to start falling, the
The ice and snow had cracked for a length of 5 kilometers down chief leapt off of it, sailing over the scarab. At just the right moment the
from the top. The weight of the snow with the shock of the explosion chief took aim, and from mid air, fired a rocket straight at the warthog.
knocked the whole thing loose. A wave of snow was falling from the top The chief braced himself for an explosion followed bya hard land-
and gaining speed by the second. Cortana said "Analyzing... We have 2 ing, and he got exactly that. The rocket hit the warthog, exploding the fuel
minutes before that avalanche reaches the bottom of the mountain." As cell that powered it, along with the explosives in the back. The explosion
she said this, the chief grabbed hold of the rail gun yet again, and fired on rocked the scarab, destroying its cockpit, and thus rendering it useless.
two approaching hunters as Cortana set the machine back into motion. In The chief was soaring through the air just as the avalanche was about to
seconds they were at full throttle and moving towards the Covenant camp. hit the camp. Just before he hit the ground he thought "This is going to be
A countdown appeared on the Chief's heads up display. It read close."
"1:55" and it was counting down faster than the chief would like it to. The The chief hit the ground hard, sliding for 10 meters before coming
warthog plowed through grunts and jackals as it approached the camp. to a stop. He immediately got up and started running towards the banshee.
The chief wasn't even shooting many of them... no time for it. Plasma There was no covenant in sight so the chief threw his weapons to the
rounds splashed across his shield knocking it down only momentarily ground to increase his speed. He was almost there.
before they regenerated back to full strength. Just 10 meters from the banshee he saw an elite who had just run
Once again Cortana's voice filled the chief's head "Ok Chief, up to grab the banshee and get away. The elite was armed, but the chief
there is a banshee at the far end of the camp, but there are a few obstacles, didn't care, he wasn't going to give up now. The elite opened fire on the
namely 3 tanks and a scarab. The scarab isn't online yet so if we hurry, we Chief, draining his shield down to nothing as the chief charged forward.
might be able to get ahead of it." The chief grabbed up the rocket launch- Just as he was about to run into the elite he put forward his fist with such
er once again firing rounds at a group of nearby elites. "That should buy a force that in one blow he managed to take out the Elite's shield, shatter
me some time" He thought. his armor, and put his fist clean through the alien's head, splattering blood
The clock was still running. They were in the center of the camp, all over the side of the Banshee.
approaching the tanks and the scarab that was right next to them. The The Spartan wanted to savor the moment but just then Cortana
countdown on the chief's HUD read "1:00" a quick glance behind him reminded him that there was no time for it yelling, "Chief, we need to go
and he could see the massive wall of snow, ice, and rock approaching the NOW!"
camp at an insane speed. It would wipe out the entire camp and everyone The Chief jumped into the Banshee, powered it up, and accelerat-
in it, he just hoped that he wasn't one of them. ed away from the camp as fast as possible. Chunks of ice and rock bat-
The chief instructed Cortana "Put the warthog on a collision tered the outside of the Banshee as the chief was almost overtaken by the
course with the scarab" and with that the chief climbed from the gunners avalanche, but at the last second the chief hit the Banshees boost, pro-
seat to the hood of the warthog, rocket launcher in hand. What he was pelling them away from the camp and it's icy grave.
about to do was suicidal, but it might work, and the chief was out of :Once they had cleared the camp and were safe, the chief powered.
options. down the banshee to save fuel and set a course to the nearest UNSC base.
As the Warthog barreled towards the tanks and scarab, the chief Cortana, reflecting on what they had just done had only one thing to say
grabbed the windshield's frame, bracing for impact. The warthog hit the "You know chief, you really are something else..."
first tank exactly as he had planned. It hit the inclined front end of the tank Spartan 117 thought about it, and replied with "If you only knew..."
and launched it up unto the air, bringing it level, and then above the

Photo by Matt Willemain


Page 65
How do you know when you love someone? I have no ate. I take tiny steps along the edge of the gutter.
fucking idea. I love everyone, except the people who piss me
off. As I said, those fuckers piss me off. My walkman is playing Shihad. Fuck. I don't even like
those wankers. I gave them the sympathy vote on my play-list
I love places, as well as the people who exist within because they are from Wellington. I walk faster now because I
them. I especially love a shitty, smelly, people-infested place haven't smoked since dinner and I feelsick. The 7-11 is absurd-
called Auckland. Half-eaten oak trees stalk the pavement. Fatty ly ugly. Even more obscene than the rest of the street.
Burger-King smells mix with sushi and sun and the scent of too
many over-heated feet. There is a condom draped over the edge of the pavement.
Welcome to romance. GOD - I need to find an OCEAN. New
There are little pockets of Auckland that I especially York makes you understand Travis Bickle. I need Albert Park.
love. Albert Park, where horny kids lounge, spilling out of their I need trees with leaves and sex out on the cliffs at Piha. I need
clothes, pressing their faces against the grass like desperate to run down to the beach, falling over myself to get to the water.
lizards. Hunter and I used to lie there too, hung-over, encrusted I want an ocean that stretches on and on. I need to look over the
in the remains of the night before- smoke, alcohol and sex, water and see something other than Connecticut.
hugging together in our smelly clothes, mutated stalks of grass
poking up our nostrils. It's hard to find warm places like Albert The bagels and over-priced Budweiser, (come to think of
Park. Auckland is generally unfriendly to the hung-over. It is a it, all Bud is overpriced), laze on the shelves. Everything is
city after all - people and tattoos and suits and sluts and swarms orange and it hurts my eyes.
of America - Starbucks, McDonald's, and cheap souvenir The guy at the counter is called Mike and his name tag is
shops litter the streets, selling New Zealand a dollar a time. A slightly bent, like his smile.
"Genuine" slice for under ten bucks. "How you doing?"
T 1 1 * 1 T- T1 j
I pretend I'm mute and run out of the
I must be nomesicK. wnat a stupid 7-11 number-land.
loser. I'm sober, I'm sitting in ah ugly
cramped flat, surrounded by yoghurt- Opening the door as fast as I can
carton ashtrays, old socks and Marilyn without appearing mental, I crash into
posters. Idealising my home. Hunter Ricky. English class - I think. My
would laugh at me. We haven't spoken elbow dents his American belly.
in two weeks but I still know he would "On a beer run!" he laughs, and
laugh like an asshole. heads towards the Budweiser.
"Told ya so, fuck-face!" "I need sleep," I say and close the
Boys, especially Hunter. His door.
face bounces off my wall like an evil
. 1 1
1 .
Clown. Assnole. Fuck, I hate the suburbs. It's mutual -
the suburbs hate me too. All the trees on Long Island are dead.
It is time for a cigarette run to the 7-11. Shit. I'm becom- They can't even manage a leaf. It is spring but Long Island
ing a stupid American. "Stop-n-Shop", "7-11" and even fuck- can't step up. I laugh at them but they laugh back, meanly, with
ing "Wal-Mart" are now a part of my vocabulary. Where have their squeaky fingers. I can smell the metallic-smoke of the
good old Woolworth's and Pak 'n' Save gone? I want to be able tracks. Looks like I've just missed my last escape-train out of
to walk down to the Mt. Eden Village Dairy at 4am in the town, so I turn down Waverly Road and stumble back to the
morning rain, with Max and Jacob and five dollar notes cov- flat.
ered with Sir Edmond Hillary and the Queen, instead of crum-
pled, corrupt, greenbacks. Hannah and Anthony are on the front steps, free styling
to Beck from a boom-box. They are drunk. They slot into the
Maybe eating American food has infected my brain, and landscape - the bare grass, broken lawnmower, mossy trees and
thus my vocabulary. beer crates, cigarettes drooping from their lips. Fuck I love
I AM BEING INVADED. them. Glimpses of humanity, with their desperate happiness
Ha! Ha! Hunter's shadow laughs at me from the wall and their defeated smiles. I sit and share the last left-over sun.
again. This time it has claws. I have always seen shit like this, "Beer?" says Anthony
even before I discovered mushrooms. I like myself and I con- 'Thank god for Steel Reserve."
fuse myself and I make me tired. My imagination needs some Hannah sways her legs back and forth. Heads bob like
cold air. puppets. It is Beck after-all. God bless Amerika.
Outside my door, the jaundiced street lights squint at my When you have been around a place too long it either
face. There are lamp-posts every few feet, but I want to find a eats you or you shit on it and run away. Somewhere from the
wardrobe. Surely I can find a door to Namia (or maybe New basement I can hear the broken glass Joy Division records,
Zealand - if that place exists). Ugly box-houses gather round reaching out like trapped vinyl ghosts, kissing my eardrums.
me like dumb robots. Coke cans and Dunk 'n' Donuts wrappers "She's Lost Control Again"- Again - bloody hell.
melt and flow with the gutter-dust. Long Island - like a toilet Manchester demons in the heart of New York. New York
bowl where pieces of shit land. How appropri- - Manchester - Auckland. Interchangeable? Maybe.
Page 66
I stumble down the stairs, because the song has almost I fold onto my knees. Frantically reaching for the vol-
run out and I need to turnup the music. ume, turning up the Joy Division, so it never ends. The orange
"I'm leaving this shit hole." That's Hannah, shouting walls sparkle around me, spinning like a Ferris wheel.
from the stairs. So sure, every day, chanting promises of
escape. It's her mantra. Auckland will always be there, and my shitty Northland
beaches. Maybe change is awesome.
I don't know what my mantra is. It used to be: "Get the "I've got your beer. Fucking hurry up," Anthony shouts
fuck out of Auckland". Travel. To where ever that leads you. in his. TV voice.
Another asshole city - New York. I am listening toAmerika but I want to touch you, New
You'll miss Auckland. The familiar dirt and the crappy Zealand. I want to eat a slice of home, cook some of Maui's
flats falling over one another in their hurry to exist. The mari- fish; greedily inject it into my flesh, so it can never escape. On
juana filled quad of the University. The pungent melting smell and on and on it is in the concept of me that I become New
of the people who live by the sea. Sushi and craft stores and Zealand. This country is like a never ending blister. Like the
leather and even seagulls that shit all over everything. fucking measles. Scars of your birth, dirt in your blood.
"I'll be up."
You'll idealise it somewhat. i("New Zealand is Sitting on the steps, the can is cold, and it bites my
Awesome!" - just don't check it out for yourself). You'll love hands.
being away, the newness, mixed with familiarity. You're half I have beer in my blood too, so maybe everything will be
human, half alien. You'll be fine as long as you can find people alright..
to get drunk with. Maybe that should be my mantra.

Photo by Matt Willemain

Page 67
PucTOS
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Calford the Knight


By Chris Williams
Here is a story for you,
about a boy of twelve or so, He swung his tiny fi
who lived in a far away kingdom Alas, contact was n(
many centuries ago. Now, Abesor's eyes
that Calford's life m
His name was Sir Calford of Amshire,
(or so he dreamt to be called), Abesor hurled his fi
for he was a lowly servant, Swift was Abesor's
and only did as he was told. which knocked Calf
for an hour, or so.
He fetched water, and
cleaned saddles among other drudgery. Calford woke up to
I must interject, that is of Penelope,
not for the delicate hands of me. who more now than
never looked quite s
But, he did escape
to daydreams of Penelope, He saw with blurry
which were a source of happiness the hulking bully on
simply because of their melody. Confusion on his fa<
that she must expou
And, wonderful dreams they only were
for he was but a squire. She explained, after
With heroism, that she broke free.
he thought that he would be her sire. Then, Penelope tool
to make a hasty flee
One day, he saw Penelope
in a fight with Abesor the bully. She found an iron p
He thought if he rescued her, and hit Abesor in th
then she would love him surely. She struck Abesor s
everyone thought th
In a surge of chivalry,
he dropped his iron pot. She told Calford tho
It landed on his foot. Of course, the chucl
Later, he said, "It rather hurt a lot." although he slept th
'...
-.
......
..
and dreamt of clean
Quickly, he donned some armor and
marched into battle. Penelope helped hit ......•
....

He shook so much everyone said and, with a cheerful


Calford started to rattle. He said to himself t
looked less dim.
Now came the important moment,
he could not ask for anything more, Now, go to bed, de<
except for a miracle, My story is reachin
which he needed for sure. Now is the time to ]
tale of our valiant fi
He confronted Abesor the bully,
who laughed in his face. So, he was not Sir (
Calford redden with anger Sir Calford, the Kni
and step back a pace. In trying, he was ju

myAd
rage /1
t i:et s t on rool

L I T e R A R Y S .UP P L e M t N T
.......
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