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Marcello Spinella, Ph.D.

Living Well

Strategies from Positive Psychology

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Associate Professor of Psychology
Richard Stockton College of New Jersey



"Flower In Hands" by Anna Cervova. http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=845&picture=flower-in-hands
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WHAT IS POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY?


















What positive psychology is NOT about:
1. Constant euphoria
2. Looking through rose-colored glasses
3. Thinking nothing but happy thoughts all the time
4. Being out-of-touch with reality
What positive psychology IS about:
1. A deep, meaningful, enduring sense of well-being
2. Helping people accomplish more of what they want to
3. Resilience to difficulties and challenges
4. Greater appreciation and satisfaction
Can Personality Be Changed? Yes. (Carol Dweck, 2008)

1. Beliefs about personality:
a. Fixed mindset believing characteristics are unchangeable (intelligence, personality)
b. Growth Mindset - believing characteristics can be developed (effort & education)

2. Consequences of beliefs people with Growth Mindset are more:
a. Open to learning
b. Willing to confront challenges
c. Able to stick to difficult tasks
d. Capable of bouncing back from failures
e. Variety of situations (school transitions, business negotiations, relationship conflict)

3. Growth Mindset can be learned
a. College students learned about growth mindset
b. Higher GPA, greater valuing & enjoyment of academics
d. Comparison group: study skills - did not change motivation or grades

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Well-Being Based on What?

1. Conditional Well-Being

a. Depends on external situations matching your expectations
1. Good events feel good
2. Bad events feel bad

b. At the mercy of circumstance (roller coaster) - feel helpless

2. Unconditional Well-Being

a. Depends on internal skills and strengths
1. How you respond to events (think, act)
2. Greater appreciation & resilience

b. Can be developed - feel capable

The Biology of Change:
a. Brain plasticity brain constantly rewires itself with experience, choices
b. Epigenetics Genes can be turned on/off depending on lifestyle choices
c. Influence of genetics reduces with age (e.g. adult personality ~30%)

The first condition for change: recognizing that change is possible.

I cant change means:
a. I dont believe that I can change. (belief)
b. I dont want to change. (effort, scary) (motivation)
c. I dont know how to change yet. (learned skills)

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Why Bother With This?

There is more to being healthy than just not being sick.
























Nun Study Baseball Players

The Benefits of happiness: (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005)
a. Personal (more creative, helpful, generous, self-confidence, self-control)
b. Behavior (more activity, enthusiasm/energy)
c. Relationships (e.g. more satisfying, longer marriages, stronger social support)
d. Work (higher income, greater productivity)
e. Physical health (Ryff et al., 2004)
1. Lower stress hormones
2. Stronger immune system
3. Better heart health
4. Better sleep
5. Less illness

f. Longevity: Nuns & Baseball Players (Danner, Snowdon, & Friesen, 2001; Abel & Kruger, 2010)
1. Happiness predicted greater longevity
2. Protected from the onset of dementia
3. Stress accelerates cellular aging (Epel et al., 2004)


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The Negativity Bias

1. Bad is stronger than good.
a. Negative emotions have a stronger pull on our attention
b. Survival strategy

2. Problems demand attention
a. Positive emotions on the backburner
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Counterbalancing the Negativity Bias






























The Positivity Ratio

a. Ratio of positive to negative emotions
1. ~20% 3:1 (or higher) Flourishing (3:1 11:1)
2. ~60% 2:1 Positivity offset (feel pretty good most of the time, until trouble)
3. ~20% 1:1 (or lower) Languishing

b. People with depression
1. Pre-treatment: <1:1
2. Post-treatment:
a. Optimal remission ~4:1
b. Still depressed <1:1

c. Marriages (Gottman, 1994)
1. Flourishing ~5:1
2. End in divorce <1:1

d. Work teams (Losada & Heaphy, 2004)
1. High performance ~5:1
2. Medium performance ~2:1
3. Low performance <1:1


Goal: More frequent positive emotions , less frequent negative ones
Positive Negative
Support Disapproval
Encouragement Sarcasm
Appreciation Cynicism

Positive Ratio Broadens Mindset



Negative Emotion



Narrow Thinking
Stuck on details
Rigid
Repetitive




Positive Emotion



Broadened Thinking
Big picture
Flexible
Creative
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Positive Ratio Builds Resources

What We Do: What We Develop:
Explore & Learn Skills (mental, physical, social)
Inventive Knowledge
Creative Social networks
Open minded Grow
Socialize
Outlast the positive emotion
O


Undoing Effect

1. Positive emotions undo the effects of negative emotions

2. Antidote
a. Mentally un-stuck
b. Restore flexible thinking

3. Restores normal physiology (blood pressure, etc.)

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Gratitude




































Appreciating circumstances

Way of interpreting everyday experiences
1. Voluntary choice in what we pay attention to
2. Not just a knee-jerk reaction


Regulating positive emotion:
1. Notice Increasing awareness (Frequency)
2. Appreciate Increasing the reaction (Intensity)
3. Savor Prolonging reaction (Duration)

Counteracts adaptation
1. Less "taking things for granted"
2. Getting more happiness from what already exists



In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us
grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.
--Albert Clarke

If you dont feel grateful for what you already have, what makes you
think youll be happy with more?
-Heather Martin

Gratitude Is Not Indebtedness
Gratitude correlates only with positive emotions
Indebtedness/obligation correlates with negative emotions
Gratitude increases relationship satisfaction, indebtedness doesnt

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Benefits of Gratitude


















*Unrelated to life events

More:
Overall positive emotions
Hope, Optimism
Trust
Life satisfaction
Relationship satisfaction
- Romantic & friendships
- Both parties
Sleep (latency, quality, duration)
Academic performance
Altruism (for friends & strangers)

Less:
Depression
Anxiety
Stress/burnout
Jealousy
Hate
Substance abuse

How to Increase Gratitude (proven methods)

1. Gratitude List
a. Best done at night (keep pad by bedside)
b. List ~3 things from the day
c. Do for at least two weeks

2. Journal

3. Gratitude Visit
a. Write a letter to someone who has done something good for you
b. About a page (~300 words)
c. Meet up & read them the letter
d. Give them the letter to keep
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Benefit Finding





































Gratitude vs. Benefit Finding:
Gratitude: appreciating something considered good
Benefit Finding: appreciating something considered bad

Realistic thinking

No situation is 100% bad or 100% good
o Easy to overlook good aspects (i.e. negativity bias)
o Both prosperity & adversity can change us for the better

Reframing situations
o Challenging instead of just traumatic
o Beneficial something to be gained

"I f we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in
every disappointment."
--Henry David Thoreau

Involves awareness of choices
o Choice in how we interpret (matter of whether we recognize it)
o Proactively search for positive aspects

Opportunities do not come with their values stamped upon them.
--Maltbie Davenport Babcock

Not denial
o Fully recognize difficulties & misfortune
o Not getting stuck on just that aspect


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The Advantages of Adversity

Types:
Situational - Lose job, may find a better one (sometimes)
Psychological always, matter of choice

o Increase awareness
Emotional distress helps us find the problem
Highlights what's important to us

o Motivates change
Drive to do something about it
Direction for our efforts

o Opportunity to learn
Practice coping skills (handle problems better in the future)
Broadens mindset (shift in perspective, bigger picture)
Appreciation - Difficulties are necessary for learning
Develop flexibility - Things don't always go your way
Increase empathy (Recognize others struggles, perspectives)



Post-Traumatic Growth

Substantial percentage see growth after trauma (~50-75%)
o Bereavement
o Major illness (heart attack, stroke, spinal cord injury)
o Accidents
o Abuse
o Combat
Become more resilient


There is no education like adversity. -Benjamin Disraeli

"Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know."
--Pema Chdrn

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Benefits of Benefit Finding

Positive emotion
Life satisfaction
Altruism
More meaning in life
Greater appreciation of life
Gratitude
Changed priorities (what really matters)
Closer Relationships:
Recognize personal strengths (e.g. courage, patience)
Recognize new possibilities & new directions in life
Health
Heart attack: Fewer heart attacks 8 years later
HIV: Slower progression
Cancer: better chemotherapy recovery, stress & depression
Technique: Combine With the Gratitude List
o List 3 good things
o List 1 bad thing, and how thats also good.
Most men in a concentration camp believed that the real opportunities of life had
passed. Yet, in reality, there was an opportunity and a challenge. One could make
a victory of those experiences, turning life into an inner triumph, or one could
ignore the challenge and simply vegetate, as did a majority of the prisoners.
--Viktor Frankl (1963)

"The truth is that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to meWhen I was
sick, I saw more beauty and triumph and truth in a single day than I ever did in a
bike race we are much better than we know. We have unrealized capacities that
sometimes only emerge in crisis.
--Lance Armstrong (2001)

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Perspective Taking


























1. What it is
a. Imagining a situation from anothers point of view
b. Coping strategy to reduce anger

2. How:
a. See all actions as coping strategies
1. Minimize pain/threat & maximize pleasure/safety
2. Some adaptive means, some maladaptive
3. Best the person knows how to do at that time

b. De-personalize harm
1. Nothing is ever personal
2. You are incidental (wrong place, wrong time)

c. Multiple influences behind any action

d. Consider possible positive intentions (regardless of method)


3. Not letting people abuse you
a. Get out of harms way & dont add insult to injury
b. Think clearly & shift to a better strategy (problem solving, communication, etc.)









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Forgiveness

Vietnam War, 1972




o Forgiveness benefits the forgiver
o Depends on how its understood and how its done
Forgiveness Defined

1. Giving up anger/resentment
a. Interpretation of harm/ unfair treatment
b. Not holding a grudge

2. Freely chosen by the forgiver
a. No one can force you do to it (coerce, threaten, guilt trip, manipulate, etc.)
b. No one can stop you if you have chosen to do it (i.e. empowering)

3. Change in attitude toward offender
a. More positive (benevolence), less negative (vengeful, avoidant)

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What Forgiveness is Not

1. Acquiescing - Allowing harmful actions to continue

2. Condoning - Not recognizing any harm done or unfairness (Enright and Fitzgibbons, 2000)

3. Forgetting
a. Not realistic: people rarely forget
b. May remember in new ways, without anger

4. Reconciliation

a. Re-establishing relationship and mutual trust
1. Nice, but separate from forgiveness
2. Sometimes not appropriate (e.g. person hasnt changed)

Forgiveness is free; trust is earned.
--Robert Enright

b. You can forgive without reconciling
1. Why put your peace of mind in someone elses hands???


5. Attitude of Moral Superiority - Forgiveness sees others as equals

Paradoxical Consequences of Revenge
a. People expect revenge will make them feel better
b. Actually makes them feel worse
c. Increases rumination & negative emotion

Four Phases of Forgiving

1. Uncovering phase - Examine & understand

a. Emotional awareness (anger, fear, disappointment, mixed feelings)
1. Energy expended

b. Examine current strategies
1. Behavior: Avoidance, Retaliation, etc.
2. Rumination repetitive thinking
3. Comparing self with offender: seeing them as better off
4. General attitudes/outlook: Life is unfair, People are selfish

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2. Decision phase Weigh options & choose

a. Recognition that old strategies are ineffective (costs vs. benefits)
b. Considering option of forgiveness
c. Commitment to forgive

Anger is like throwing hot coals at someone. You burn yourself in the
process. -Buddhaghosa

3. Work phase Change perspective

a. Perspective-taking

If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man's life
sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1886)

If only there were evil people out there insidiously committing evil deeds and it was
only necessary to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line
dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.
-Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (1973)

4. Outcome phase Appreciate
a. Benefit finding - advantages of overcoming it
b. Accept human imperfection (including our own)
c. Not alone - others have been harmed & forgiven too
d. Emotional relief - How do you know its worked? You wish them well.
e. Recognize it as a choice and important skill
1. Proactive: Choice to not accumulate new resentments


Benefits of Forgiveness

1. Emotional
a. More positive (satisfaction), less negative (depression, anxiety)
b. Better recovery from trauma (including abuse , incest, & torture)

2. Physiological: Lower cortisol, blood pressure, better health (affects every cell)
a. BUT: forgiving by obligation is worse

Resentment is like drinking poison & expecting the other person to get sick.

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Relationships Between Thoughts & Emotions




































1. Thoughts & emotions are reciprocal
a. Thoughts trigger emotions
b. Emotions influence our thoughts (*Strong emotions always distort thinking)

2. Difference:
a. Can't directly change our emotions
b. Can change our thoughts, re-interpret situations

3. Thoughts are not reality
a. We experience our brains interpretation of reality
b. Accurate enough most of the time
c. Not always:
1. We make mistakes
2. Schizophrenia
3. Illusions
4. Strong emotions

d. Problem: Tendency to automatically believe our thoughts

Thoughts are thoughts Thoughts are reality
Rational, realistic Irrational, unrealistic, psychotic
Flexible mindset Rigid mindset

1. Goal: Move towards the left - observer of own thoughts
2. Choose whether or not to believe/react


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e. Tolerance of others' thoughts/opinions

1. Thoughts are reality
a. Other opinions are either stupid or crazy
b. Intolerance, frustration

2. Midway
a. Acknowledgement/acceptance of that other views
b. Tolerance

3. Thoughts are just thoughts
a. Appreciation of other peoples views (curious, interest)
b. Appreciate diversity (more interesting)


4. Events do not cause emotions

a. Blame: He made me upset She made me do it.

b. Reality: ABCs

1. Inccurate: (A) Event (C) Consequence
(chain of events) Emotions
Behavior


2. Accuate: (A) Event (B) Beliefs (C) Consequence
Thoughts Emotions
Interpretations Behavior

c. B is where the choice lies
1. Dont have to go with our automatic reactions, habits

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Awareness of Choice




Alternative: Awareness of Choice


























The Tyranny of the Shoulds

1. Thinking in terms of obligation
a. Rigid expectations about people, situations
b. Common words: should, have to, must, ought to, got to
c. Done toward: ourselves, others, events/situations

2. Problem:

a. Unrealistic:
1. What Is Going On (WIGO) current reality
2. What Should be Going On (WSGO) our mental fiction
3. Obligation, Should is fiction

b. Fixes nothing: things already are the way they are


c. Rigid & inflexible
1. Expectations have no limits
2. Regret Orientation dwelling in past (helpless) instead of choices now

d. Motivation by guilt works, but has side effects

e. No-Win Scenario:
1. Do the thing you feel obligated to do: resentment
2. Dont do the thing you feel obligated to do: guilt

1. Awareness of choice is

a. Awareness of the choice(s) you are making.

b. Realizing that could be choosing something else instead.
1. Multiple options in every situation
2. Rejected options still exist (just ones you choose not to take)

Everything can be taken from a person but one thing: the last of the human
freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's
own way.
--Viktor Frankl (1963)

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2. No one can make you do anything, ever.

a. Obligation is an illusion, a concept
1. Only choices & consequences exist
2. All that varies is our awareness of that fact

b. We always final say over what we think & do how we feel
1. It cannot be taken away (empowering)
2. Cant blame others for choices only we can make (responsibility)

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-- Elanor Roosevelt

3. Dont try to control other's choices (because you cant)

a. Otherwise you create:
1. Frustration
2. Over-responsibility

It is not possible to control whether or not we give offense.
--Cheri Huber

b. Have no concern over others choices that dont affect you
1. Even if you don't agree; respect their right to choose
2. Distracts from your own choices

4. We control choices not events

a. We influence events through our choices

b. Refocus on what you can control, instead of what you cant
1. Makes you more effective

c. Expressed in the Serenity prayer: (paraphrased from Reinhold Neibuhr)
1. Accept the things that cant be changed,
2. Courage to change the things that can be changed,
3. Wisdom to know the difference. Awareness of choice
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Beyond your control Within your control
What happens How you respond to what happens.

Internal The occurrence of: How you respond (think/interpret):
Thoughts that come up Thoughts that come up
Emotions that come up Emotions that come up
Your health (illnesses, injuries) Your health choices (eat, exercise)
Experience/memory of events Experience/memory of events

External The occurrence of: How you respond (do/say) to:
What other people think What other people think
What other people feel What other people feel
What other people do/say What other people do/say
Other peoples health Other peoples health
Physical events Physical events

Your
Responsibility None of the above The consequences of the above

Unawareness Over-responsibility & stress Blame & anger/resentment

Stress: Trying to control something thats beyond your control

Awareness of Choice Strategies:

1. Redirect - Distinguish whats within & beyond your control; redirect

2. Step Outside Yourself
a. What would a _______ person do in this situation? (wise, compassionate, sensible)

3. Language - Substitute obligation words with choice words

Obligation: Should, have to, need to, must, ought to, supposed to

Choice: Could, want to, choose to, prefer to

4. Keep it in the I (1
st
person )
1. I got worried, instead of You made me worried.
2. "I got angry," instead of "It made me angry.


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Optimism & Pessimism









Two Types
1. Dispositional optimism - General expectation that things will work out
2. Explanatory style - How we interpret events

Explanatory Style

Optimistic thinking Pessimistic thinking

1. Permanence

a. Bad events are temporary, changeable a. Bad events are permanent
1. "sometimes," "lately" 1. "always," "never"
2. Problems are setbacks 2. Problems are major defeats
3. Continue to try after failures 3. Stop trying after failures

b. Good events seen as permanent b. Good events seen as temporary
1. Attributed to more lasting causes 1. Short-term causes
2. Try harder when they succeed 2. Give up after succeeding

2. Pervasiveness

a. Compartmentalize problems a. Troubles spill over, multiply
1. Continue on with other areas of life 1. Catastrophize
2. See causes as specific 2. See causes as universal
3. Decreases helplessness 3. Increases helplessness

b. Good events seen as universal b. Good events seen as specific
1. Benefits carry over 1. Sees benefits as limited

3. Personalization

a. View problems in the bigger context a. Blame self for bad events
1. Contribution of circumstances 1. Everything bad is my fault

b. Good events internal causes: b. Good events attributed to:
1. Effort, planning, awareness 1. External causes, circumstances
2. Chance favors the prepared mind Pasteur

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Summary:

Optimistic Thinking Pessimistic Thinking
















Bad Events
1. Temporary (changeable)
2. Specific (compartmentalize)
3. External (circumstances)
Good Events
1. Temporary (changeable)
2. Specific (compartmentalize)
3. External (circumstances)
Bad Events
1. Permanent (unchangeable)
2. Universal (catastrophize)
3. Internal (personal)

Good Events
1. Permanent (unchangeable)
2. Universal (catastrophize)
3. Internal (personal)

Some Points About Explanatory Style

1. Not self-delusion
a. Important to find realistic, factual reasons for optimism - matter of searching
b. Counterbalance negativity bias
c. Does not deny responsibility

2. Nobody is optimistic or pessimistic 100% of the time
a. Its not what we are, its what we do
b. Thinking styles can be changed

Example: Car breaks down
Pessimistic View
1. Permanent - This car will never be as good as it was. Its going to keep breaking down.
2. Universal Yet another problem. Im going to be late for work. My life is falling apart.
3. Internal - This is my fault. I should have taken it to be checked last week.

Optimistic View
1. Temporary - This is a temporary inconvenience. It will be fixed or replaced.
2. Specific - This is a small problem in the big picture.
3. External These things happen sometimes. Every car breaks down sooner or later.


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What Gets Us Into Trouble

1. Overgeneralization
a. Taking one instance & and assume all others are the same
b. Often uses words like always, never, or forever.

2. Catastrophizing
a. Interpret something as worse than it really is
b. Awfulizing - Im starving. vs. Im hungry.
c. I-can't-stand-it-itis Believing a situation will be intolerable

3. All-or-Nothing Thinking
a. Thinking in absolutes
b. Tend to be judgmental categories (interesting-boring, worthy-worthless)
c. Seeing situations/people as all good or all bad

4. Fortune Telling - Treat negative predictions like established facts

5. Judgmental Blame
a. If something goes wrong, it must be somebody's fault. (self/others)
1. Accountability is separate from judgment
b. The blame game
c. Blame makes you helpless - happiness based on other peoples choices

Benefits of Optimism
Less illness & pain
Better cardiovascular health (50% lower risk of death, 15 yrs after)
Slower disease progression in HIV
Better mobility in elderly people
Less distress from terminal cancer
Grade school children less depression, improved classroom behavior
When to use an optimism : When not to use optimism:

Challenging situations High risk situations
a. Maintain well-being (depression, worry) a. Stock market, birth control, seat belts
b. Chronic problems (e.g. illness)

Guiding principle: Benefits from raising mood & cost of being wrong is low

I don't eat junk
foods and I don't
think junk thoughts!

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6. Rumination/obsessive thinking
a. Repetitive thinking, prolongs & magnifies negative emotions
b. Doesnt lead to solutions
c. Drains time & energy, physically harmful
d. Happy people have negative emotions, but dont dwell

7. Avoidance
a. Situations and/or thinking
b. Temporary fix, problem remains
c. Addictions, entertainment, shopping, etc.

8. Perfectionist Thinking
a. Unrealistically high standards
b. Judge self-worth on outcomes
c. All-or-nothing: 100% success or 100%failure
d. Catastrophizing - Exaggerated fear of failure/mistakes
e. Over-responsibility - Must take care of everything
f. Hyper-alert to imperfections
g. Blame - Relentlessly hard on oneself
h. Alienation - Hide imperfections
i. Alternative: Optimalism
a. Improve performance, not self
b. Assessing choices, useful feedback
c. Reward effort, regardless of outcome

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Coping Strategies



Making the Shift
1. From the content (situation) to process (how youre dealing with it)
2. Notice the strategy youre using & search for a better one

Decatastrophizing

1. Worst-case-scenario
a. What's the worst that could happen? (& likelihood)
b. Could you find a way to get through it? (have others?)

2. Time machine: How will this affect you 3 days from now? (months, years)


Question the Usefulness

1. Negative belief may be true & significant, but harmful to dwell ont:
a. Driving and thinking I could die at any minute.

2. Test of usefulness (cost-benefit analysis):
a. Is this helpful?
b. Is this harmful?
c. Harmful > Helpful = Stop
d. What would be more helpful instead? - Encourages action, acceptance


Disclosure
1. Expression of thoughts and/or emotions (writing and/or talking)
2. Almost as effective as professional psychotherapy
3. Improves emotions, physical health, etc.
4. Putting it into words - Helps us make sense of an event (mentally organize)
5. Desensitize ourselves after trauma


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Humor



Response to Humor
1. Laughter Vocalization
2. Smile - Facial expression
3. Mirth - Positive emotion

Benefits of Mirth & Laughter

1. Physical
a. Increase pain tolereance
b. Stronger immune system (natural killer cells)
c. Cardiovascular increases blood flow (~exercise)
d. Longevity: 53,000 people over 7 years, regardless of health

2. Emotional
a. Less stress
b. Less anger & hostility

Effects of Cynicism/Sarcasm
1. Increases inflammation (interleukin-6)
2. Increases heart disease
3. Undermines benefits of social support
4. Increased suicidal thinking in depression

Humor in Relationships
1. Couples happier (but not negative humor)
2. All relationships
3. Better able to work out conflicts
4. Childrens development

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Curiosity



1. One of the top 5 predictors of happiness

2. Motivates learning & growth

Curiosity exploration learning satisfaction more curiosity

3. Motivates attention - gives a reason to investigate

4. Reframes uncertainty interesting instead of threatening

5. Increases appreciation - No such thing as ordinary, look close enough

6. Related to Longevity - more curious, live longer (animals & humans)

7. Increases intelligence & problem solving (children & adults)

8. Greater meaning in life & relationships
a. Look deeper, see connections, relevance
b. Interest in people (family, friends, intimate, strangers)
c. Find/create common interests

9. Developing curiosity
a. Reframing - Find 3 things that are new, different about people/situations
b. Trying new things, meet new people

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Self-Regulation








Suppressing Thoughts & Emotions

1. Paradoxical effect:
a. Increases them
b. During suppression and afterwards
c. Especially when mentally occupied

2. Impossible instructions - backfires
a. Try not to think/feel something
b. Self-monitor - remind ourselves of the thought/emotion
c. Suppression worsens negative emotions, pain, drug/food cravings

3. Better alternatives:
a. Disclosure - written/spoken
b. Mindfulness non-judgmental awareness, allow to pass
c. Reframing re-interpret situation



What is it?

1. Ability to regulate our thoughts, emotions, & behaviors
2. More strategy than willpower


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Emotion Regulation Strategies

1. Before
a. Situation selection - Picking the right situation, people, places, activities
b. Situation modification - Changing the situation help
c. Attention - Focusing on certain aspects of a situation
d. Cognitive change Reframing situation, change meaning

"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them."
--Kahlil Gibran

2. After
a. Suppression of facial expression of emotion

3. Reappraisal vs. Suppression

Reframing: Suppression:
More positive emotion Less positive emotion
Less negative More negative emotion
Better memory Worse memory
More social closeness Less social closeness
Greater life satisfaction Lower life satisfaction

4. Self-Regulation is like a muscle
a. Gets tired, replenishes with rest
b. Exercise makes it stronger
c. Positive emotions recharge it
d. Negative emotions drain it

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Money & Well-Being





1. Wealth unrelated to happiness above the poverty line. Why?
a. Take it for granted expectations shift
b. Tradeoffs work vs. time
c. Comparisons someone always has more
1. More comparisons, more negative emotion
2. Life Satisfaction (scale 1-7)

a. Forbes Richest Americans 5.8 (billionaires)
b. Traditional Maasai 5.4 (live in mud huts)
c. Amish (Pa.) 5.1 (ride in horse carts)
d. College students (USA) 4.7
e. Calcutta slum dwellers 4.4 (dirt poor)
f. Calcutta homeless 3.2
g. California homeless 2.8


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2. Materialism

a. Attitude toward wealth:
1. Central importance of wealth/possessions
2. Possessions/wealth cause happiness
3. Success judged by wealth/possessions

b. Consequences
1. Financial: more spending, more debt
2. Emotional: Less positive emotion, more negative
3. Social: Less family happiness, more divorce
4. Less job satisfaction

Alternative

1. Values Approach
a. Identify what is meaningful (tombstone exercise) & act accordingly

2. Experiences > Possessions
a. Improve with time
b. Harder to compare (time at the beach or time in the mountains?)
c. More social, shared

3. Work
a. Do what you love (choice of occupation)
b. Love what you do (job crafting, create meaning)

34

Altruism


Definition Doing something to benefit others at some personal cost

Kinds of Altruism
1. Reciprocal altruism - Pay it back
2. Upstream altruism Pay it forward

Altruism Benefits the Benefactor

1. Positive impact on adolescents
a. Better grades, positive emotion, confidence
b. Less substance abuse, pregnancy, delinquency

2. Benefits adults:
a. Improves health & longevity (more than exercise, ~ to smoking)
b. Reduces illness, depression, & pain
c. Increases positive emotion (warm, energetic, meaning)
d. Giving help psychologically better than receiving it

3. Intention is critical

a. Loving-kindness meditation


Definition Doing something to benefit others at some personal cost

Kinds of Altruism
1. Reciprocal altruism - Pay it back
2. Upstream altruism Pay it forward

Altruism Benefits the Benefactor

1. Positive impact on adolescents
a. Better grades, positive emotion, confidence
b. Less substance abuse, pregnancy, delinquency

2. Benefits adults:
a. Improves health & longevity (more than exercise, ~ to smoking)
b. Reduces illness, depression, & pain
c. Increases positive emotion (warm, energetic, meaning)
d. Giving help psychologically better than receiving it

3. Intention is critical (e.g. loving-kindness meditation)









Increases
1. Positive emotions
2. Mindfulness & concentration
3. Relationship satisfaction
4. Social connection/support
5. Meaning in life
6. Life satisfaction

Reduces
1. Depression
2. Illness symptoms
3. Pain
4. Anger

35

OVERVIEW OF WELL-BEING


1. Full range of emotions
a. Authentic - Natural, not forced
b. Healthy balance - positivity ratio (3:1 to 11:1)

2. It involves skills
a. Anyone can learn & further develop them
b. No apparent limit

3. Awareness
a. Involves making intentional choices
b. Intentions direct attention find & create opportunities

4. Proactive
a. Less reactive, passive ( helplessness)
b. Becoming an active participant in your well-being

5. Reshape yourself - Brain & genes are altered (literally re-shapes you)

6. Subjective state
a. Less dependent on external conditions
b. More based on awareness, choices & skills/strengths

7. Making Progress
a. Maybe small changes at first
b. Strategies become progressively easier to use
c. Generalize to other situations
d. Mistakes are necessary for progress, not a lack of progress
e. Persistence required to change habits - Results are worth it

8. Continued learning
a. You already know too much
b. Self-teaching
36
FURTHER READING


Positive Psychology General
Sharon Begley. (2007). Train your mind, change your brain. New York: Ballantine.
Carol Dweck. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. New York: Random House.
Barbara Fredrickson.(2009). Positivity. New York: Crown Publishers.
Rick Foster and Greg Hicks. (2004). How we choose to be happy: The 9 choices of extremely
happy people. New York: Perigee Trade.

Awareness of Choice
William Glasser. (1998). Choice theory. New York: Harper Collins.
Epictetus & Sharon Lebell (ed.) (1994). The art of living. San Fransisco: Harper Collins.

Gratitude
M.J. Ryan. (2000). Attitudes of gratitude. Newburyport, Massachusetts: Conari Press.
Robert Emmons.(2007). Thanks!: How the new science of gratitude can make you happier.
Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Humor
Allen Klein. (1989). The healing power of humor. New York: Tarcher/Putnam.

Forgiveness
Robert D. Enright. (2001). Forgiveness is a choice. Washington, DC: American Psychological
Association.

Altruism and Elevation
Piero Ferrucci. (2006). The power of kindness. New York: Tarcher/Penguin.
Stephen Post & Jill Neimark. (2007). Why good things happen to good people. New York:
Broadway.
Mark Ian Barasch. (2009). The compassionate life: Walking the path of kindness. Berrett-
Koehler Publishers, Inc.

Self-Regulation
Ryan, M.J. (2003). The power of patience. New York: Broadway Books.