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ii PLACE OF WORSHIP
58 A lULLABY IN GLASS
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . TOCHI ONYEBUCHI
76 BOGDAVI'S DREAM
SHORT STORIES
.......... AMANDA FORREST
.. TOM PURDOM
16 PATTERNS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . JAMES GUNN
38 EVERYONE WILL WANT ONE . . . . . . . . . KELLY SANDOVAL
4B SCOUTING REPORT
71 WINDOWS
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . RICK WILBER
.......... SUSAN PALWICK
15 CURRENT RESIDENT, 20TH
STREET NORTHWEST .
iO THE FUTURE OF THE PAST
. . MEGAN ARKENBERG
...... MICHAEL BEDROSIAN PIFER
57 ROGUE TRANSMUTATION ....... DAVID C. KOPASKA-MERKEL
75 SHORT FORMS ............... DAVID LIVINGSTONE CLINK
i EDITORIAL: lUCIUS SHEPARD, HE WAS
A FRIEND OF MINE .................. SHEILA WILLIAMS
4 REFLECTIONS: FLASHING BEFORE
My EYES ....................... ROBERT SILVERBERG
8 THOUGHT EXPERIMENT: TOMORROW
THROUGH THE PAST ................ ALLEN M. STEELE
104 NEXT ISSUE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
105 ON BOOKS ......................... PAUL DI FILIPPO
110 THE SF CONVENTIONAL CALENDAR ERWIN S. STRAUSS
|Lht0, hthth0 Nht
N
0t Long after the Christlight of
the world's first morning faded,
when birds still flew to heaven
and back, and even the wicked est
things shone like saints, so pure was
their portion of evil, there was a village
by the name of Hangtown that clung to
the back of the dragon Griaule." These
are the evocative opening words to Lu
cius Shepard's "The Scalehunter's Beau
tiful Daughter
,
" a novella that won the
1988 Locus Poll and came in second in
our own Readers' Award poll. In all the
years that I've worked at Asimou's, this
is, perhaps, the loveliest beginning to a
story I've ever encountered.
My own friendship with Lucius began
about thirty years ago when we pub
lished "A Traveler's Tale" in our July
1984 issue. r frst met him in aUf ofce in
the spring of 1984. He was moving to
ew York fom Florida, and for a while T
got to see h in person fairly ofen. After
a couple of sublets in Manhattan, he
moved to Staten Island and visits be
came rare. But, like many of his friend
ships, our relationship continued to grow
and deepen over the telephone. In those
days before Amazon, he was a bit isolat
ed in that outer borough, so calls would
come in asking for favorscan you mail
me a ream of computer paper? How aboul
a copy of the 1 Ching? 1 need its advice for
a story I'm working on. But mostly the
calls were about every imaginable sub
ject. Politics, religion, philosophy, movies,
my new boyfriend, Lucius's love inter
ests, my father's adventures in Mexico,
Guatemala, and elsewhere, his son's ac
complishments. Lucius would tell me
about the books and articles he was read
ing, his latest obsessions-Lee Christ
mas and the United Fruit Company, box
ers and hobos-all the subjects that
would eventually fnd their way into his
2
stories. He had a stunning voice, and he
would sing songs and read me pieces
fom lUs latst work.
Not all our visits were on the phone.
One snowy New Year's eve we played
Trivial Pursuit at Jack Dann's home in
Binghamton, New York. Once Lucius got
the dice, the game was over for the rest
of us. He barreled along answering every
question correctly. There was one moment
when be wavered and I thought I'd at
least get another turn. The Entertain
ment query was "Who rode Diablo?," and
I can still hear that resonant voice repat
ing "Diablo," I was excited when, for an
instant he mused, "Pecos Bill" but then,
"Nah, he rode Widow-Maker." Of course
Lucius knew the rider was The Cisco Kid,
just as he knew all the other answers.
[n 1987, his April 1986 novella, "R&R,"
won the Nebula. As his ideas for ''Bara
cle Bill the Spacer" (July 1992) took
shape, he promised me he would bring
home the Hugo for Asimov's. When he
called to read the following passage, I
thought he just might be right. "It was
beautiful, of course. First a tiny stream of
fre, like a scratch made on a wall paint
ed black, revealing a white undercoat.
This grew smaller and smaller, and even
tually disappeared; but mere seconds af
ter its disappearance, what looked t be
an iridescent crack began to spread
across the blackness, reaching from the
place where Sojourner had gone superlu
minal t its point of departure, widening
to a finger's breadth, then a hand's, and
more, like an all-colored piece of light
ning hardened into a great jagged sword
that was sundering the void ... " And he
was right. It also tied with Isaac Asimov's
"Cleon the Emperor" for best novella in
OUT Readers' Award poll.
Lucius wrote remarkable tributes for
the tragedies that touched our lives. His
poem, "The Challenger as Viewed fom
the Westerbrook Bar" (October 1986),
moved one reader to write that it was the
best one we'd ever published in the mag
azine. And the lyricism of the novelette
"Only Partly Here" (March 2003), "Bobby
sptted a woman's sho sticking up out of
the ground. A perfect shoe, so pretty and
sleek and lustrous. Covered in blue silk.
Then he reached for it and realized that
it wasn't stuck-it was only half a shoe
with delicate scorching along the ripped
edge," exquisitely captures the sadness of
the World Trade Centers' destruction.
After I had children, I couldn't put in
the extra hour or two afer work to make
up for the time on the phone. Luciu had
moved west by then, and even when he
called me at home it was ofen just before
I had to run to pick up a daughter fom
daycare or elementary school. Still,
though the calls fell off, we stayed in
touch. Afer my father died he lef me a
sweet message about how he always felt
they were simpatico.
He promised to send me new stories
and swore that the one he had in mind
would be a Hugo winner. But such was
not to be. Last summer he had a terrible
stroke. Rehabilitation was rough and I
hesitated to get in touch. Finally, our
good friend Ellen Datlow arranged a
time for a phone call in January. Once
again, our conversation touched on many
subjects, but it was difficult. This man
who knew everything kept pausing to re
trieve words and names. I'm glad we
spoke, though, because I was able to tell
him how much he meant to me. On
March 19, I saw Ellen in Florida. She
had only just learned that Lucius had
died the day before.
The last words of "The Scalehunter's
Beautiful Daughter" are a vast improve
ment on the usual faiy ale ending as
well as an epitaph for nearly everyone, in
cluding-with a gender swap-Lucius.
"From that day forward she lived happily
ever after. Excpt for the dying at the end.
And the heartbreak in-between." Lucius's
tales broke my heart and brought me
much joy. J will miss my dear fiend. 0
AimOVS'
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Ste f As h wn 5] Hugo and 27
Nbl Aa and or edit ha reeied 20
Hugo Aar fr B Ed
Please do not snd US your manuscir until you've
gotten a copy of our guidelines. la for them at
w.asimovs.com or send us a self-addressed,
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Ediloriol: lucius Shepord, He Wos 0 Friend of Mme
Uhhb 6ttN\t\t
T
hey say that when you're dying your
whole life flashes before your eyes in
a matter of seconds. Mayb so, though
I wonder how the reports of that phe
nomenon get back to us. In any case, last
year in Lndon I experienced a pretty se
rious medical event, which in many in
stances can b fatal, although, as you see,
that isn't how things worked out for me.
What saved me was a bit of very good
luck ideed-the fact that it happened in
the presence of a couple of expert medical
technicians who brought me through the
whole affair swifly and efectively. For
thirty seconds or so I may wen have been
on my way to the next wor1d-and then I
was back, and here I am, and I hope to
stay around for a while.
But what about that business of my
whole life fashing before my eyes? No,
didn't happen. Nothing flashed before
my eyes. I was simply out cold and un
aware for a few seconds, and then I was
conscious again and trying to find out
what had happened. Of course, it would
have been a big job to r instantaneous
ly through the writing of a whole book
shelf of novels and hundreds of short sto
ries, let alone everything else I've done
in the course of a busy eight decades, but
I didn't get even a flicker of any of that.
(Also no white light, no spi. ritual visions,
no sensations of levitation, no nothing.
As I said, out cold and unaware.)
However, as I was flying home a few
days later, I did have some chunks of my
life unroll like a movie before my eyes as
I sat, fully conscious, in my comfortable
seat aboard a transatlantic airliner head
ing from London to San Francisco. What
I found myself reviewing was a period of
my life i. n late adolescence, a time when
I wanted to be a science fi ction writer as
much as I have ever wanted anything,
and was beginning to think it was never
4
going to happen. This was upward of six
ty years ago, when dozens of science fic
tion magazines were being published,
and I was studying them aU with the in
tensity that a scriptural student gives to
Holy Writ, struggling to find the secret
that would allow me to sell just one story
t any one of those multitudinous maga
zmes.
T have artifacts of that era spread out
all over my desk now-the magazines
tat foated into my mind as I daydreamed
about the early days of my career aboard
that Boeing 747, the ones that I looked
at so intensely in the days when, as I
have so often said. I stood outside the
world of science fiction publishing like a
small boy with his nose pressed against
the toy-shop window, yearning to get in
side.
You probably have never seen or even
heard of most of these magazines. Here's
the November 1951 issue of Marvel Sci
ele Ftiol1, a small, rather dainty-look
ing item that lasted for five issues be
tween 1950 and 1952. I was a high-schol
student then, writing science fiction sto
ries on the weekend and sending them
of to the magazines of the day with high
(and invariably fustrated) hopes of get
ting one accepted. Marvel, which is now
about as forgotten as a magazine can be,
was actually quite good: the issue in
front of me has stories by Isaac Asimov,
Jack Vance, and Ray Bradbury, three
writers already quite famous who would
later be named as Grand Masters by the
Science Fiction Writers of America,
along with work by such signifi cant writ
ers as Richard Matheson (a brilliant
novella), William Tenn, and the long
time veteran Raymond Z. Gallun. Tough
competition for a novice like me, but
Marvel was such a pretty little magazine
that I longed to see a story of mine in it.
That winter I sent one in, but by the
time it got there Marvel had already re
verted to the cheap and very unpretty
pulp-magazine format of an earlier era,
and that one pulp-format issue was its
final one. I got my story back right
around the time I received my high
school dploma.
Here's the first issue of Orbit Science
Fiction, undated but published around
September 1953,just as I was beginning
my sophomore year at Columbia. It's an
other of the small, neat magazines that
came and went so quickly back then, and
its contents page shows a couple of rec
ognizable names of the time-Robert
Abernathy and Mack Reynolds-and
some very minor ones, mostly writers I
had never heard of before. Nor was the
editr's nare-Juies Saltman-familiar
to me. It seemed to me that this maga
zine might be a promising market for an
unknown writer like me, and off went a
story. To no avail, because writers like
Philip K. Dick, Jack Vance, Michael
Shaara, Gordon R. Dickson, and Chad
Oliver were competing for slots in the
upcoming issues. (And so were "Martin
Pearson" and "David Grinnell," both of
them pseudonyms for Donald A. Woll
heim, a powerful figure in the SF field
who was the behind-the-scenes editor of
the magazine, choosing the stories that
Jules Saltman published under his own
editorial byline.) Five issues and Orbit
was gone, unable to hold its own in the
overcrowded SF feld of the early 1950s.
No one remembers it now except a cer
tain nostalgic aging writer who tried in
vain to sell stories to it long ago.
Another of the multitude of new mag
azines that came upon us then was Fan
tastic Universe, a chunky i ter of 192
close-packed pages without illustrations,
and somehow I felt sure that that one
would enable me to break through the
publication barrier, simply because it
would need to acquire so much material.
The editor was Sam Merwin, Jr., who
had previously been in charge of those
excellent pulp magazines Startling Sto
ries and Thrilling Wonder Stories. A cou-
Reflections: Flashing Before My Eyes
Asimov's
pie of years before, when I was about ff
teen, I had visited Menin at his ofce;
he had received me cordially, praised a
story of mine (that he didn't buy), and
expressed confidence that I was going to
be a successful writer. Now I thought I
had a very good chance of selling a story
to Merwin's new venture.
r was wrong, of course. I have the sec
ond issue, August-September 1952, be
fore me now. The cover, showing the
Statue of Liberty buried chest-deep in
sand, mysteriously foretells the famous
final image from Planet of the Apes of
more than a decade later. And the con
tents page lists stories by Clifford D.
Simak, Eric Frank Russell, Richard
Matheson, Evan Hunter, and many an
other well-established figure. That
should have provided a reality check for
me. Science fi ction was primarily a mag
azine medium in the early 1950s, with
only a handful of book-length works be
ing published every year. The best writ
ers of the fi eld-and there were dozens of
top-notchers at work then-wrote short
stories, bushels of them, more than even
the numerous magazines of the time
could absorb. With famous figures like
Simak and Russell compelled to sell
their surplus work to a relatively low
paying new magazine like Fantastic
Universe, what chance did a new kid like
me have? Merwin once again was kind
when I sent him a story, but back it
came. I did eventually sell stories to Fan
tastic Universe, quite a few of them, but
my breakthrough there didn't come for
another three years, an eternity to an as
piring teenage wri tel' .
One magazine I didn't even dream of
sending a story to was the elegant Fanta
s & Science Fiction, still with us today
and still, as it was then, a mainstay of
the literary side of science fiction. The
February and March 1953 issues are on
my desk: beautiful covers, fine typogra
phy, and stories by such brilliant new
comers as Philip K. Dick and Robert
Sheckley, along with many veteran writ
ers. It seemed a waste of postage for me,
a college sophomore that year still strug-
5
September 2014
gling to learn his craft, to send stories
across the country to F&SF's Califoria
based editors, Anthony Boucher and J.
Francis McComas. I knew that that was
a magazine for my future, if ever, but
that I wasn't ready for it yet. (And I was
right. Editor Boucher, fascinated by the
youthful prodigy that I was, began en
couraging me to send him stories a few
years later, and actually accepted one
late in 1956, with others to follow. But by
1956 I was an established professional
myself, afer a hectic three-year appren
ticeship; in 1953 I would have had no
business sending stories there, and I
didn't.)
Likewise with John W Campbell's As
tounding Science Fction, whose succes
sor, Analog, is still being published, and
Horace Gold's glossy Galax Science Fic
tin. These were the two top magazines,
where an the top writers gathered-Ray
Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Robert A. Hein
lein, Theodore Sturgeon, Alfred Bester,
Fritz Leiber. I bought them, I read them,
I tried to imagine what it would take to
create something that their demanding
editors might buy. But I knew I didn't
have the conceptual strength to come up
with something worthy of Campbell, nor
the sort of deep emotional reach that
Gold wanted for his fction. Campbell ac
tually believed that it was possible to
teach, and even to develop, significant
ideas about the nature of the universe
through science fction. Maybe so, but at
sixteen I was in no position to teach any
one anything. As for Gold, his life had
been difficult-he had returned from
wartime military service with a bad case
of agoraphobia, and almost never left his
Manhattan apartment-and he wanted
the fiction in his magazine to explore the
complexities of human emotion. I knew
plenty about the complexities of being a
teenager, but that was not what his read-
6
ers were looking for. Besides, both maga
zines were crowded with the sophisticat
ed work of my elders and betters, the
greatest SF writers of the time. So I
stayed away. My best hope, I knew-that
boy with his nose pressed against the
toy shop window-was to land a story
with one of the bottom-rung magazines,
and gradually to work my way up from
there as my skills matured.
And so it happened; and so it all came
back to me during that long fashback as
I flew home from London last fall. In
January 1954, still in my teens, I sold a
short story, 'Gorgon Planet," to the ob
scure Scottish magazine Nebula. It net
ted me $12.60, but I was on my way. Four
long months later the American maga
zine Future Science Fiction, whose edi
tor, Robert W. Lowndes, specialized in
buying frst-rate stories for third-rate
prices, bought my little story "The Silent
Colony" for a resounding $13.50. Future
had been one of the shoddiest-looking of
the SF magazines, but the issue dated
October 1954 that contained my story
came out in a handsome new format that
made it as attractive as any of its con
temporaries and better than most. And
there I was on page 111, in the same is
sue as stories by Philip K. Dick, Algis
Budrys, Marion Zimmer Bradley, and
other stars of the tinle. Within a couple of
years my work would be published by all
the other magazines, t ven the lofy
Astounding and Gala.
All of which passed quickly through
my mind as I sat daydreaming aboard
that San Francisco-bound jet after that
nasty but fortunately brief hospitaliza
tion in London: the hungry, ambitious
years just before the start of my career,
and the fulfling of all those teenage fan
tasies soon afterward. It's been a rich
and rewarding life, and I'm glad that I'm
still here to be looking back on it. 0
Robert Silverberg
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YE
!
.
..
Nhhbhht
The following is adapted from remarks
delivered by Allen M. Steele as Principal
Speaker at the Philcon 37 science fiction
convention, held November 8-10, 2013,
in Cherry Hill, New Jersey.
P
hilcon is the oldest science fiction
convention, its origins going back to
1936 when a small group of young
men-teenagers, really-got togeth
er at Milt Rothman's house to discuss
the stuff they'd been reading in pulp sci
ence fction magazines. One of them was
the 2013 Fan Guest of Honor, Bob Ma
die. Another person there was Frederik
PoW, who recently passed away-as co
incidence would have it- n the last day
of the 2013 World Science Fiction Con
vention. And so were Donald WoUhei1
and David Kyle, both of whom would lat
er become influential editors and pub
lishers.
This particular period fascinates me
because it was during this time that
what would become a major part of
American culture was being pioneered
by a small group of nerdy, socially awk
ward East Coast kids who'd come into
contact with one another through the
letters pages of trashy magazines so gar
ish that they couldn't be read in public.
Thanks to Hugo Gernshack's old Science
Fiction League, Bob, Fred, Don, and
Dave would soon be joined by other
young men-and, eventually, young
women-whose names would become
cornerstones of imaginative literature:
Isaac Asimov, Ray Bradbury, Jack
Williamson, Edmond Hamilton, John W.
Campbell, Jr., L, Sprague deCamp,
Julius Schwartz, Scott Feldman (aka
Scott Meredith), and the many others
who, three years later, would be among
the two hundred people who'd make
their way to Caravan Hall in ew York
8
for what was rather ambitiously called
the World's Science Fiction Convention.
My interest in this is both practical
and personal. On the practical side, my
recent story, "'The Legion of Tomorrow"
(July 2014), has its roots in science fc
tion's early history. But there's also my
own curiosity. I'm a science fiction writer,
but I'm also a science fiction fan, and
have been since 1973, when I attended
my first SF convention, Kubla Khan
Klave in Nashville, Tennessee, my home
town. Fred Pohl was the first major
writer I met, fve minutes after I walked
into Kubla Khan Klave, and over the
years, I've had the pleasure of meeting
several of the other people I just men
tioned. Yet, it' s not just memories of
singing "Onward SaUTon's Soldiers" with
Isaac Asimov or having Julie Schwartz
congratulate me when I won my first
Hugo for "The Death of Captain Fu
ture"-he told me then that he'd helped
Ed Hamilton plot many of the original
Captain Future stories of the thirties
and forties-that propels my interest in
SF histor I also believe that, in order to
extrapolate what might happen in the
future, one must study what's happened
in the past. So I think that the history of
the science fiction field may give us a
clue as to where the genre may go in the
years to come ... or at least should.
The internet has given two great gifs
to science fction. One is the ability for
fans to wage heatd, pointless feuds on a
scale unimaginable to ink-stained fanzine
publishers of previous generations. The
other is access to the earliest issues of
Amazing and Astounding, What were
once rare and extremely expensive arti
facts can now be downloaded, for free or
at least dirt cheap, from various digital
archives. I'm now able to carry the first
two years of Astounding on my iPad and
iPhone, where I can read them without
fear of having them disintegrate merely
by turng a page.
This came in handy during Balticon
last spring, when my wife had to rush
me to the hospital because my kidneys
decided that Sunday morning at four
A.M. would be an excellent time to pass a
few stones. While lying on a bed in the
emergency room, I distracted myself by
reading The Beetle Horde by Victor
Rousseau, the first serial published in
Astounding, which appeared in the inau
gural January 1930 issue. The cover art
tells it all: a heroic dude wearing avia
tor's overalls and goggles, punching out
a giant bug while a cavegirl in a fur
miniskirt shrinks in terror. It was a pret
ty good yarn, although truth be told, it
was probably enhanced by the morphine
the ER doctor gave me.
Rousseau's novel is a sort of a cross be
tween H. Rider Haggard and Edgar Rice
Burroughs, and probably wouldn't be en
joyed by most of tday's readers, yet it's
typical of the wide-open, f -throttle sto
rytelling typical of the science fction be
ing published i n the late twenties
through the late thirties. This was the
pulp era in which science fction was re
ally invented. Brian Aldiss makes the
case for Mary Shelley's Frankenstein be
ing the frst SF novel, but I believe that
it was in the pulps where SF became a
distinct genre, identifiable not only by
name but also intent.
I've downloaded and read the earliest
issues of Amazing, too, but they aren't
terribly impressive by today's standards.
Most of the contents were reprints; H.G.
Wells, Jules Verne, and Gilbert R.
Serviss were the headline authors, and it
was awhle before Hugo Gersback be
gan buying original stories. Much of
what he published was rather stodgy;
popular fiction was still being written in
a stilted Victorian style that was a
holdover from the last century, and it
was awhile before the more naturalistic
form of writing being developed by writ
ers like Hemingway and Fitzgerald be
gan making its way into the pulps. And
Asimov's
there was also Gernsback's notion that
the main purpose of "sci enti fction" was
to interest and educate young people in
science. A typical Antazing story of the
late twenties was likely to include a long
discourse by a fictional professor on
some imaginary scientific theory or engi
neering feat, complete with equations
conveniently scribbled on a blackboard.
It took the arrival of a compettor, As
tounding, and a new generation of writ
ers, including Williamson, Hamilton, and
Edward E. "Doc" Smith, for old-school
scientifction to be replaced by the new
school science fction. And there was an
other change, one that was more subtle
and can only be detected in hindsight.
Until around 1930, SF tended to be
grounded in the present day. Even when
they involved events taking place long
afer the current calendar year, the sto
ries usually begin with the protagonist
falling into suspended animation and
waking up in the future, or receiving
telepathic messages from someone in
the future, or even dreaming about the
future. Gradually, though, writers dis
carded these cumbersome plot devices
and began writing stories that took place
i the future fom the get-go, with no at
tempt to connect them t the present day.
The future is now the default setting
of the majority of science fiction stories,
but at the time this was an innovation.
So, too, was discarding the Gemsbackian
notion that SF was meant to provide an
easy-to-digest science education. The sci
ence fiction that started coming out of
the thirties was more adventurous and
less hidebound than most of that which
had been published in the previous
decade, and as more SF magazines began
arriving on the scene, and new editors
and yet more writers entered the field,
the genre began a period of rapid growth.
SF stories were no longer dry pontif
cations on the marvels of radio or guided
tours of lost continents. They took their
readers on reckless jaunts across space
and time, where starships moved faster
than light, aliens came in all conceivable
shapes, colors, and hat sizes, and time
Thought Experiment: Tomorrow Through the Post 9
September 2014
travelers cavorted with dinosaurs and
Roman emperors alike. And the writing
steadily got better. While still not very
sophisticated, overwrought narratives
were gradually replaced by a more direct
and natural style.
In 1937, John W Campbell, Jr., took
over the editor's chair of Astounding.
The following year, Raymond A. Palmer
took charge of Amazing. But while
Palmer took Amazing further down the
path of swashbuckling, if improbable, ad
venture stories, Campbell decided that it
was time the genre became more
thoughtful and-dare we say it?-ma
ture. Campbell's vision of science fction
was far different from where the genre
had been only a decade earlier, and the
latest generation of writers he brought
into the field-Asimov, Heinlein, van
Vogt, Sturgeon, and many others-were
given the mandate to think more care
fully about what they wrote and try to
imagine realistic futures instead of
merely grinding out stories about space
battles and killer robots.
All this came without any influence
fom the Hollywood movie industry. The
last major SF movies of the thirties were
Things to Come and 'ansatlantic Tun
nel before the musical comedy Just
Imagine became a big, expensive bomb
that, except for low-budget serials, killed
SF movies until the 1950s. And although
there was the rare mainstream best
seller like Brave New World or When
Worlds Collide, science fction remained,
by and large, a province of pulp maga
zines. It was a long time before SF nov
els began to be regularly published in
book form, and the mass-market paper
backs that would eventually kill the
pulps were still many years away.
Science fction was a genre that lifted
itself up by its own bootstraps. It was an
almost underground form of literature,
dismissed by critics, ignored by acade
mics, considered trash by parents and
teachers. And yet it managed to survive
by its own wits, generating writers,
artists, and editors within a subculture
that new just beneath the radar.
1 0
What I fmd remarkable about the SF
published in the thirties and forties is
that it was written during some of the
worst times in American history. The
Great Depression, with its economic, so
cial, and political upheavals, was soon
followed by the honors of the Second
World War. Nothing was certain, and life
was rather bleak for many people. De
spite everything going on around them,
though, SF writers persisted in imagin
ing better worlds and better times. The
collective message, intentional or other
wise, was one of hope. We'll liue through
this and go to other worlds. Our world
will become a better place than it is now.
However lousy life may seem, howeuer
lneas the times may be, don't worry.
the future is going to be great! This mes
sage may have been what gave science
fction its popularity: a sense of not just
wonder, but also optimism. However evil
Adolf Hitler might be, at least he wasn't
Helmuth of Boskone.
The first time I got a sense of science
fiction's history was one of the frst an
thologies J ever read. When my sister
Genevieve went of to college in the late
sixties, she left behind a large shoebox
full of SF paperbacks and magazines
she'd read in high school. I was still in el
ementary school, but I was already read
ing science fiction by then, so this little
cache was something of a gold mine.
Among those paperbacks was Award
Science Fction Reader, edited by Alden
H. Norton, a collection of classic stories
by Clarke, Sturgeon, Simak, Anderson,
van Vogt, Brackett, and Campbell. The
introduction was by Sam Moskowitz, an
other member of that founding class of
American science fction fans and writ
ers, and something he wrote has stuck
with me ever since:
"It was time for science fction to grow
up. I had been stagnating in a story for
mat which concepts alone could n longer
carry and the older readers had outgrown
the vicarious thrill of space battles alld the
blasting of alien monsters.
Moskowitz was speaking about 1941
and the beginnings of the Golden Age,
Allen M. Steele
but he wTote that i 1966, when the New
Wave was gathering force in both Great
Britain and America. I read this just as I
was beginning to graduate fom Winston
juveniles to Ace Science Fiction Specials,
and even to my adolescent eye it was ob
vious that SF was in a state of constant
development; I saw the evidence every
time I went to a drugstore or supermar
ket and turned the spinner rack in
search of another paperback I could buy
for sixty cents. There was a vast differ
ence between Heinlein's Rocket Ship
Galilo-the first SF novel I ever read
and Michael Moorcock's The Black Cor
ridol; which completely changed my con
ception of what a space novel could be.
So what does any of this have to do
with the current state of science fction?
I may make some people angry when I
say this, but Moskowitz's words are just
as pertinent today as they were forty
seven years ago, because they address
the present-day condition of the feld. To
paraphrase his introduction, science fc
tion needs to grow up . . . again.
Like many of you, I belong to an infor
mal online list-group, a group of like
minded friends who chat with one anoth
er via email. I've met only two of these
people in real life and the rest a relative
strangers, but the group includes a space
artist, a web designer, a Hollywood con
cept atist, a game designer, a legal assis
tant, and yours truly. What we share in
common is an interest in science fction,
and among our favorite topics of discus
sion are reent SF movies.
This last summer, we talked a lot
about that seasoo's crop of flms and how
disappointed or even irritated we were
in most of them. Oblivion was pretty but
dumb, After Earth was bad beyond be
lief, Star Trek Into Darkness was a major
letdown, War World Z was shunned, and
Pacific Rim was great if you happen to
like Godzilla movies (which most of us
do). The only two movies we all enjoyed
were Elysium and Europa Report, but I
think the one we liked the most was a
orth Korean propaganda film on
YouTube that showed the PRNK attack
Asimov's
ing the United States with stock footage
of other countries' aircraf carriers, jets,
and nuclear missiles.
Sometime during this email conversa
tion, we came up with a list of the four
biggest cliches in current SF movies, the
things we hope to never see again but,
unfortunately, probably will. In no par
ticular order, they are:
(1) alien invasions;
(2) space battles;
(3) dystopias;
(4) guys in body armor running back
and forth shooting at each other
with big guns.
It was pretty amusing until it occurred
to me that these cliches no longer belong
only to SF movies. They now belong to
SF novels as well . . . and if you don't
agree with me, I ask you to visit a local
bookstore and take a long, hard look at
the science fction section.
There's still a lot of good, original SF
being published; authors like Kim Stan
ley Robinson, Robert J. Sawyer, Joe
Haldeman, Nancy Kress, Alastair
Reynolds, Maureen McHugh, and Jack
McDevitt come to mind, among many
others. However, it' s become increasingly
difcult to fnd them among the stacks of
books about space marines fghting the
Bad Guy Empire or people battling aliens
ad the ruins of destroyed cities.
This is the new pulp fction, but the
difference between it and the stuf pub
lished during the thirties and forties is
that what's coming out now are, by and
large, repetitions of what's already been
done. A bestselling alien-invasion novel
generates ten more alien-invasion nov
els; a popular military space opera series
is quickly followed by another one pretty
much like it. Even the covers are repeti
tious. One of the major artists in the
feld recently told me that he's all but
stopped doing dust jacket art because
he's tired of being asked by art directors
to paint covers that look just like ones
that someone else did last month.
There're various reasons for this. The
biggest factor is the conglomeration of
the American publishing industry. Pub-
Thought Experiment: Tomorrow Through the Past 1 1
September 2014
lishers that were once independent have
been merged with larger publishing
companies, and they in turn have been
swallowed by even larger companies.
These super-publishers are chiefly inter
ested in profits, the bigger the better. So
a mentality has developed where novels
are being judged more by their potential
profitability than their literary merit,
and anything that isn't gauged to be an
immediate bestseller is forced into a
midlist that's getting smaller all the time.
So editors are forced to insist that
writers work within tried-aod-true for
mulas that fit inside distinct, easily mar
ketable subgenes. The result is that SF
novels are often taking their cues from
movies and computer games, because
the perceived wisdom is that the mil
lions of people who bought tickets for the
latest Hollywood opus or PlayStation
epic will buy books that promise a repe
tition of the same.
Fortunately. a handful of independent
publishers are still willing to take
chances with novels that don't follow te
latest trend or demand that every book
be a bestseller. It's become harder t fnd
such novels, but the SF field has always
been good at supporting both new writ
ers and established authors ... which is
a major reason why the genre has sur
vived for as long as it has.
There's also the continued existence of
SF magazines and anthologies. In the
U.S., there ae now only three science fc
tion magazines-Analog, Asimov's, and
Fantasy & Science Fiction-that regular
ly see print, a considerable decrease from
the days of my youth when there were
nearly a dozen. However, electronic pub
lishing has allowed many new magazines
t b proucd-Lightspeed Clarkesworld,
Subterranean, Galaxy's Edge, and oth
ers-which collectively publish as much
new fiction as their print cousins. And
while the major publishers seldom pro
duce original anthologies any more, the
small press has picked up the slack by reg
ularly publishing short story collections.
Short fiction remains the place where
you' re most likely to find original,
1 2
thought-provoking SF that doesn't fall
into convenient marketing categories.
Short fction doesn't make enough mon
ey for it to be written, edited, or pub
lished by anyone who doesn't sincerely
love the stuff. This is why, in recent
years, new ground is broken more often
by magazines and anthologies than it is
by novels; because there's not as much
pressure to follow commercial trends,
there's more feedom to experiment. It's
also the reason why many authors, my
self included, continue t write short fic
tion even though we could spend our
time producing only novels.
Nonetheless, over the last decade or so
there's been a growing sense of frustra
tion within the SF field that' s been
shared by writers, editors, and readers
alike, a feeling that we've entered the
horse latitudes where no fair winds blow.
I think there's something else going on
besides the absorption of the publishing
industry by Big Media. I suspect we've
also become haunted by the times in
which we live, and that has afected the
way in which we perceive not only the
present, but also our possible futures.
It's become a cliche to blame 9111 for
everything from the Iraq war to tooth
decay, but I've come to believe that the
terrorist attacks of that hideous day had
a subtle influence on science fiction as
well. Occurring when they did, just afer
the beginning of a new century, caused
people to dread the futue instead of em
bracing it ... and when writers and
readers alike turned to their favorite
genre, it was for escapism, not solutions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that fan
tasy leaped ahead of science fiction in
popularity during this time. I don't have a
problem with fantasy, but the fact re
mains that it doesn't confont reality the
way SF does. On the other hand, I can't
blame readers for preferring fantasy to
science fction, Over the last decade or so,
the prevalent mood of the average science
fiction novel has become that of despair.
In SF, the future has become bleak and
rather ugly. with dystopian societies so
commonplace that they're no longer
Allen M. Steele
unique or even scary; for the most part,
they're now just backdrops for frefghts.
When America reacted to 9111 by
launching a pointless invasion of Iraq
while searching every Little old lady who
gets on an airliner, science fiction re
sponded by becoming paranoid and mili
taristic as well. It's now become dificult
to find an SF novel that doesn't have
mass conflict as its focal point, or depict
extraterrestrials as being anything but
monsters bent on rubbing out humans.
The Singularity Theory has ofen been
pegged as a major reason why SF writ
ers are now reluctant to project an opti
mistic outcome for human histor. How
ever, Vernor Vinge himself has pointed
out that the Singularity is only a theory,
not an inevitable forecast . . . and I might
add that it's not even a theory, strictly
speaking, but rather a hypothesis. A the
ory is something that can be tested, and
we won't know what will or will not hap
pen after the Singularity until it actual
ly occurs . . . if it ever does.
Global warming has become another
elephant in the room. Science fction's re
sponse has been to portray the most dire
consequences-rising sea levels inun
dating coastal cities, the depletion of fos
sil fuels, the emergence of dictatorial so
cieties of haves and have-nots-without
searching for any solutions . . . or at least
none that don't come from a gun barrel.
The result of science fiction's current
inclination toward grim futures is that
readers are losing interest in the genre,
but the consequences may go beyond di
minished sales fgures. One of the inter
esting things about SF is its subtle iu
ence on real-life events, both social and
technological. It's been well established
that science fction has inspired space ex
ploration, robotics, and the digital revolu
tion. It's also possible that it may have
helpd avert global nuclear war by depict
ing, again and again, the horrible out
come of such a confict. SF doesn't exst in
isolation. It's part of a cultural feedback
loop; it not only takes its cues from pre
sent-day events, but feeds into them as
well. Yet we can't just take credit for psi-
Asimov's
tive contributions and ignore the nega
tives. If we continue to portray the future
as being nothing but a dark and danger
ous place . . . that may well b what we'll
get. If we continually tell readers that sci
ence and technology will betray us, who
will continue to believe in their ptential
for positive change?
One of the principal ways in which SF
evolved during the twentieth century
was the growing awareness among writ
ers that what they were doing wasn't
telling stories about the future so much
as they were telling stories set in the fu
ture. There's a subtle yet distinct differ
ence. Science fiction does not, and can
not, predict the future; attempts to do so
usually end in erroneous predictions, not
to mention really boring stories. What
SF does, really, is weave a sort of mythol
ogy, one based on science and technolo
gy-and to some degree sociology, psy
chology, and history as well-instead of
legend, magic, and superstition. I may
write a story set on Mars, for instance,
not because I believe that this is what
will or even could happen, but because I
want to tell what my fiend and colleague
John Crowley calls "a parable of the fu
ture" . . . a story whose outcome sheds
some light on a point I'd like to make
about the exploration of Mars, 01 perhaps
a story about the human condition that
just happens to be set on Mars. Kind of a
futuristic myth, or even a "scientifc fan
tasy" (to use one of the genre's oldest
names), but certainly not a prediction.
So it behooves us to be careful about
the kinds of myths we want to create. If
we're playing with possibilities
thought experiments, if you will-then
we ought to be telling stories with posi
tive outcomes as well as negative ones. If
SF is going to survive and even thrive in
the twenty-first century, we've got to
lear how to tell better parables. I'm not
advoating Pollyannaish avoidance of re
ality, where we pretend that tomorrow's
world will be a squeaky-clean utopia
where no one will have any problems.
On the other hand, writers must once
again address the future in a way that
Thought Experiment: Tomorrow Through the Post 1 3
September 2014
doesn't automatically assume that we
face nothing but dark times ahead.
Science and technology are rapidly
opening new frontiers that are only
barely being touched upon by science fic
tioD. In my particular area of interest,
space exploration, we're discovering that
the galaxy is a much different place than
was imagined only a few years ago, with
new planets in other star systems that
are stranger than anything previously
thought possible. At the same time, a
new space race is undenvay, with private
companies on the verge of assuming
ASA's former role in sending people
into space. And in the past few years,
I've attended conferences in which inter
stellar travel has been solemnly dis
cussed by high-level scientists and ftur
ists, not as something that might
happen in the far future but perhaps
even within the next hundred years,
SF used to be very good at depicting
space exploration. Now only a handful of
established authors do so, and new writ
ers are discouraged from tackling this
particular subject. Yet there's an audi
eoce for these novels. I know a writer
who tried to sell a novel about near-fu
ture space exploration afer successfully
publishing three post-apocalypse books.
When his editor rejected it on the grounds
that she only wanted t see a fourth book
in the trilogy, he published it himself on
Amazon . , . and sold as many copies as he
did of his post-apocalypse novels.
I don't think science fction is dying
I've been hearing that dire prediction for
as long as I've been actively involved in
the field-or that it's run out of ideas
and exhausted its potential. But writers
need to rediscover the sense of adven
ture-and, yes, the sense of wonder
that made SF so attractive in the first
place. We must stop being afraid of what
might happen tomorrow. It's entirely
possible that the future may not suck.
It's okay to write as if it won't.
Editors must be willing to take chances
with novels that don't fall into convenient
marketing categories, but electronic pub
lishing has also given writers the ways
1 4
and meas of getting their books to read
ers. If self-published ebooks are going to
be a viable alternative to Big Media,
though, I think it's important that au
thors who take this path don't simply im
itate the paperback bestseUers that are
already out there. Most readers don't
want the same thig over and over again,
and Amazon is already swamped with
enough military space-op to gag a
brigade. What we need is the next Roger
Zelazny, the next Cordwainer Smith, the
next Leigh Brackett, the next James Tip
tree, Jr., the next Frederik Pohl.
SF readers and fans have supported
the genre for generations, keeping the
feld alive through hard times, and I hope
they continue to do so. More than once,
I've had friends who are writers but
aren't in the SF field express envy over
the fact that science fiction has an orga
nized social network; they seldom get to
meet their readers except at bookstore
signings. Yet I think fans can hinder the
field when they're unwilling to accept
novels and stories that aren't what
they're already used to seeing, or take is
sue with material that doesn't live up to
preconceived expectations. It's a conser
vatism that doesn't suit the field, and
sometimes can be embarrassing. One of
the most amusing items I've found in the
pulps was a letter published i an issue of
Plant Storis where a reader complained
about a new writer's overly literary ap
proach to science fction, and how this fan
just wanted good, old-fashioned space
opera that didn't demand too much fom
him. The writer he was complaining
about was Ray Bradbury.
Perhaps the most intriguing thing I've
learned from studying the history of SF
is how the genre periodically renews it
self It did so in the late thirties and for
ties, and again during the late sixties
and early seventies, and yet again in the
mid-eighties through the early nineties.
If history is cyclical, then the SF feld is
due for another period of reinvention.
The stage is set, the actors are in place.
The time has come for the curtain to rise
on twentyfirst century science fiction. 0
Allen M. Steele
Current Resident, 20th Street orhwelt
The downstairs renter moved and never canceled
his subscription, and so they kept arriving-damp
most mornings, the paper tinged with blue
from the carrier's denim bag. We stepped over them
on our way to work, high or leather heels clacking
on blurred polychrome images, the day's date
in red. Sometimes a lengthy headline
drew our eyes, and we paused mid-step to read.
Missing woman happier now that parents
no longer express disappoi ntment, and girlfriend
ceases to pressure her to find better job.
I n the accompanying image, an empty house,
weeds floweri ng, lawn gone to seed.
Sometimes we thought we saw our names
pressed in soft black serifed letters.
Ex-boyfriend thought of you today while picking up
coffee filters and birthday cake on the way
home from class. Those days we read a little faster.
Studies find that you have the right to be unhappy
about moving out of state, even though you were the one
who chose to take the job. We swallowed hard,
pressed our lips, kept walking.
We never touched the pages, but by evening
they nestled safely in the bins behind the building,
pale and soothing and i nsubstantial as the smoke
from the cigarette of someone you used to love.
Experts now agree contentment possible,
more common than initially reported. Beneath
the stink of coffee grounds and banana peels,
the alley smelled of lavender.
The next morning, when we carried out the garbage,
the headlines had shifted a little. Depression
on the rise. Abandoned houses a concern
for public safety. Missing woman assumed dead.
The images were crisp in black and gray,
police commissioners and bar graphs,
posed smiles on faces decades out-of-date.
Every day, a new paper waited on the doorstep.
We always looked down.
-Megan Arkenberg
James Gunn celebrated his ninetieth year (and his sixty-fifth
year as a published author) with guest appearances at the
EatonjSFRA Conference and the World SF Convention in San
Antonio, as well as the publication of two new books:
Paratexts: Introductions to Science Fiction and Fantasy and
new novel Transcendental, illustrating his dual roles as both an
author and a scholar in the field (he is the only person to have
been president of both SFWA and SFRA). A trade paperback is
due out this year and a reprint of his 1 955 classic novel (with
Jack Williamson) Star Bridge. And he is at work on a sequel
to Transcendental tentatively titled Instrumental. Despite all
this activity, we're delighted that Jim managed to care
enough time to reveal the secrets that are hidden in the . . .
PATTERNS
James Gunn
eremy fit his job the way fingers fit a keyboard-he saw paters the way others
saw people. That was what attracted Candace in the first place. She was fed up with
Illen who were focused on her face or heJ' body as if they were something special in a
world where there were thousands, millions,just like her.
Jeremy saw her as part of a patter of existence that extended fom a primordial
past, and, ifhumans were lucky, into a complex and potentially transcendent future,
with extnsions that stretched like the traceries of computer chips, throughout the
world and maybe throughout the universe. But recently Jeremy's focus had begun
to change; she was on the fringe of the patter rather than at its center. She had not
thought that would bother her, but it did, and that bthered her even more. She was
beginning to think it was more bother than she wanted to endure.
"What's wrong with us?" she asked Jeremy one evening. She wanted to ask
"what's wrong with you," but she knew it was better to begin with a pattern, even if
only a small one.
"I've been busy," Jeremy said, and that was true. He was home only to eat and
sleep, and not much of either. Jeremy worked as a data analyst for the NSA, or
rather as an employee of a firm that provided services for the SA. It was a de
manding job, analyzing all those numbers, looking for patters, but Jeremy had ab
sorbed it all, processi_g the numbers without stress. It was, after all, what he was
good at. Until the last few weeks.
The pattern that was revealing itself before his narrowed eyes had implications
he did not want to consider and did not want to discuss with Candace and above all
did not want to discuss with his supervisor, George Sampson. At last, however, he
could avoid the issue no longer, and he rose from the neatly ordered work station
1 6
Asimov's
that he inhabited, with its staring monitors inscribed with enigmatic hieroglyphs,
and walked uneasily to the office of his supervisor. George's desk, indeed his entire
ofice, was messy with scattered papers and disordered stacks of documents i cor
ners and under ofice furniture. It was almost more than Jeremy's sense of propri
ety could endure not to put those patternless elements into something that made
some kind of sense, but he swallowed his outrage and said, simply, "George, I think
we're being hacked."
"Hacked?" George repeated, as i it was a word with which he was not familiar.
"Hacked," Jeremy said.
"Why would anyone want to hack us?" George asked. "Oh, I know there are nations
that would like to get inside information, corporations that might even b able to use
some of the data we have gathered if they could figure out how to make sense of it,
even hackers who would do it just for the hell of it. But why would they want to do it
to us?"
"That's the question, isn't it?" Jeremy asked. He was standing in the entrance to
George's ofice, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
'Ifthat's the question," George said, "what's the answer?"
"1 don't know," Jeremy said.
"Then come back when you do."
But Jeremy knew the answer. He just didn't want to say it yet-
.
not out loud. He
knew the pattern-the weird premise, the employee who can't keep his suspicions to
himself, the skeptical supervisor, the whistle blower, the condemnation, the firing,
the disgrace . . . Jeremy wasn't ready. He liked his job.
He went back to his work station and stared back at his computer screens. What he
saw, looking past the numbers into the storage units that were linked by miles of ca
ble though which flowed rivers of information, was the great pattern of a nation's
communication: phone calls, textings, e-mails, all the ways in which an electronic gen
eration connected itself like some vast hive mind, Pointless, irrelevant, purposeless
and yet vital, striving, struggling toward meaning. "jSome rough beast,' '' he thought.
''he pattr was all there, latent; he told Candace later. "The units, all struggling
to get into touch, to form a more perfect union . . . ,"
"They're people, Jeremy," she said,
''Yes, yes, but they're numbers, too." Jeremy looked at his hands with their scrawny
fingers able to digitize, to perform acrobatic feats with intangibles, to turn messy
personal relationships into cool, clean numbers. "And then the units got connected,
bit by bit, until we can finally consider the patterns that they form,"
''Then what's the problem?"
"Somebody else is considering the patters, too,"
Four days later Jeremy was back in George's work station. If anything, the space
was even more cluttered, more patternless. But it wasn't the clutter that kept Jere
my away; it was the reluctance to pursue a course of events that could not end welL
But at last the patter pushed him into action.
j'I've got an answer for you," Jeremy said,
j'An answer to what?" George replied.
'Why would anyone do that?"
j'Do what?" George asked, bringing his heavy dark eyebrows together.
"Hack us,"
''WeJJ?"
'We've put together the data base for psychohistory," Jeremy said.
"Psychohistory?"
"You know, in Asimov's Foundation stories, The necessary interconnections to en-
Patterns 1 7
September 201 4
able predictons of the future. Asimov thought it would take a galaxy filled with peo
ple before Hari Seldon had enough data, like molecules in a sealed box, numbers he
could plug into his equations to predict the fall of the Galactic Empire and the dark
ages that would follow. But Asimov didn't anticipate the power of the new media and
OUT ability to capture it all,"
"So somebody is using our data t predict te future?" George asked. His voice was
heavy with skepticism bordering on ridicule.
"I said it was an answer," Jeremy said. " didn't say it was the answer."
"Well, come back when you have the answer," George said, but Jeremy knew what
he meant: "Don't come back."
Over a glass of red wine that evening, Jeremy said to Candace, "Of course I didn't
mean that people were trying to predict the future-although they could be doing
that. That's what we're trying to do at NSA, afer all. Trying to predict the fture of
terrorist attacks."
"Only they call it 'anticipate,' " Candace said.
"Same thing."
"Language matters," Candace said. lr think-"
'
'
What?''
jjI'm not sure you want to know what 1 think."
jel always want t know what you think."
Candace paused as if to say it wasn't true before she continued, "I think you've got
to prove, first, that there's hacking going on."
''hat's obvious."
"Really? Maybe it's obvious t you, but it's not so obvious to the rest of us who don't
see numbers like you do.'
"Ab," Jeremy said.
The next moring George called him. "They want to see you."
'They?"
"They," George repeated. "I couldn't sit on your hunch any longer-just in case
there was anything to it.'" What George meant was that he was no more convinced
than before that Jeremy was onto something, but on the slight chance that Jeremy
was right he didn't want to be the one to shoulder the blame.
Jeremy recognized a classic pattern of eYA followed by a slightly less classic pat
ter of scapegoating. He felt a moment of panic, as if the proper course was to make
a break for the exit before he had to face the firing squad, but he swallowed hard and
began shaping his evidence in his head.
George escorted him down a long hallway and into an elevator and then to a floor
Jeremy had never before visited and into a room he had never before entered. It was
a conference room paneled in walnut, with subdued lighting reflected from a light
colored ceiling onto a walnut conference table and five people he had never previ
ously seen, four middle-aged men in business suits and ties and a middle-aged
woman i a gray pants suit that matched her short gray hair.
It was the woman who spoke, her words chopped of like pieces of rebar. "Sampson
reports that you think we've been hacked."
Jeremy cleared his throat. '''Hacked' is the generic term."
''What does that mean?"
"A better description is 'inspected' or 'sampled.'''
''We've got people inspecting twenty-four hours a day. That's what we do."
''Not like this. Data has been, well, sorted."
"Sorted? How?"
"Geographic, size, maybe other ways."
1 8 James Gunn
"Content?"
Jeremy shook his head. "Not that I was able to determine."
"And how were you able to determine the-sorting?"
"That's my job/' Jeremy said. "I notice patterns."
"Patterns?"
"Numbers, groups of numbers, algorithms."
Asimov's
"A, numbers," the woman repeated, as if she understood what he was saying.
" have the suspicion," Jeremy continued, although he knew he should stop, "that if
we had access we would f ind that other big data has been sorted-the census, for in
stance, bank files, the Federal Reserve, maybe the IRS, maybe their foreign counter
parts, wherever data is accumulated and stored in digital form."
"And why would they-whoever it is-do that?"
"Information is power." Jeremy had information but he didn't feel powerful . Of
course, you have to want power to know what to do with it.
"Power." Clearly the woman knew what to do with it. For the first time she loked at
the four men seated at the table. None of tem spoke. "And how would tey do tis?"
"Very subtly," Jeremy said, and then added quickly, "or we would have discovered
evidence before now that our firewalls and passwords and security have been
breached. Either they have perfected methods that we can't even guess at, or our se
curity measures are not as good as we think."
"Sorting," she said.
Jeremy nodded.
"Patters," she said.
Jeremy remained still, waiting for the blow to fall that he knew was part of the
patter.
The woman looked at the four men again. They nodded. "We'll take it under ad
visement," she said mildly and then continued. "Keep us informed of any new de
velopments."
Clearly they had been dismissed without the completion of the pattern that Jere
my had foreseen. George tugged at his elbow and led him from the room and back
down the hallway and the elevator to their respective work station.
Jeremy peered into the glass of red wine as if the answer to his predicament was
about to emerge from its murky depths. He could see one of two patterns emerging
fom this moment. He could not see Candace in the one in which he continued, but
he could not help hmself "The problem is; he told her, " know where the hacking
came from."
''Where?''
"One of the geosynchronous satellites that relay television programs and mes-
sages."
"You know this?"
"I'm pretty sure."
"Why didn't you tell them?"
"They'd have asked the next question."
''The next question?"
''o was able to do that and where were they?"
''Well?"
Jeremy hesitated. None of this was supposed to be discussed outside the NSA, but
if what he thought was true, it didn't matter. "I don't know the answer to 'who?' al
though I can guess, but I have an IT friend at NASA who was able to trace the nar
rowband transmission, once he knew where to look."
"Where?"
Patterns 1 9
September 201 4
Jeremy swallowed, not wine but his own feelings of helplessness. "Not toward
Earth. Out into space. Toward Jupiter. Or, more accurately, toward Titan."
''Titan?"
"That's a satellite of Jupiter, the biggest moon in the solar system. Bigger than the
planet Mercury. It has an atmosphere full of hydrocarbons. Toxic. To us, anyhow."
"What does that mean?"
"Somebody out there, capable of living in those kinds of conditions, cold, poisonous,
tor by huge gravitational tugs fom Jupiter nearby, wants to know more about us.
And we've given them the means to find that out. OUf Big Data."
''Why didn't you tell them?"
Jeremy was silent. He knew the answer but it wasn't something he could talk
about. Not now. Maybe not ever. He knew the patter: first denial, then den uncia
tion, then ridicule, and finally dismissal and irrelevance.
That wasn't the worst part. That was the waiting for whatever it was out there
gathering information about humans, where they lived and how they communicated,
the state of their technology, and whatever else lurked in those innocuous numbers
accumulating i n depositories all over the world. Humans, maybe, from a group or a
nation with unsuspected capabilities of space travel and colony building in deadly
circumstances. More likely, creatures evolved on Titan who had reached a level of
technology capable of piercing the clouds surrounding their home world and of de
tecting transmissions from a distant planet they could scarcely imagine. Or, most
likely, aliens from a distant star finding out what technological creatures existed in
this remote system.
And when they had enough information? Jeremy knew the pattern. 0
1HB Future
P ti
n the future of the past
H
we are like
20
D IHB
the shallow scratches
of handwriting from another page on the pad:
not quite there.
The marks wi l l say nothing
we meant them to say.
But you wi l l look at us
with eyes that cannot lift the veil
of what was real here,
in the past of the future.
You wi l l be astonished.
You will say, look,
friends:
I have found the story
of how we came
to be.
-Michael Bedrosian Pifer
Only on Amazon.com!
Asimv's is famus for captivating stories and ricly rewarding tales by some of
toay's 6est-/o S' Wters. Whether they're a jaz musician on a
starship, the spirit of H.L. Mencken tangling with a tenty-frst centur medium,
or te new peronality of a wayward teenager trying to stake a claim on a bdy
that is and sort of isn't hers, they must all find their way in uncharted territory.
Join tem on their joumey. Turn the electronic page and enter a future!
Tochi Onyebuchi is a writer who goes to law school in New
York City on the side. He holds a B.A. in Political Science and
a Master of Fine Arts in Screenwriting. Tochi's fiction has
appeared in Crimespree Magazine and Panvere Three, and is
forthcoming in Ideomancer A collection of his nonfiction
can be found at http://tdotscribblngs. wordpress.com,
and much of what doesn't fit there, he keeps at
http://treize64.1ivejoural.com. The author also tweets, on
occasion, as @TochiTrueStory. He marks his first appearance
in Asimov's with a stor that skillfully depicts settings both on
the Earth and in space where one can find a . . .
PLAIE [F
W[RSHI P
Tochi Onyebuchi
hen I was a kid and when Dad was still alive, we'd sit on the font porch of our
house at night and stargaze. OUT family then lived in this Black and Puerto Rican
enclave in a Polish factory town, and all my memories surrounding that time, at
least the moments spent outside, are blanketed by an almost oppressive quiet.
That's what I remember most about those early evenings. The cousins would come
over and we'd play basketball in the driveway until we couldn't see the ball any
more, then they would go home and the family would have dinner and if it wasn't a
school night, Dad and I would sit outside and look up at those diamonds treading
water in that inky sea above our heads. God was somewhere up there, past the
stars, past space. But that whole layer of matter separated us.
Ad sometimes, in the crook of Dad's arm, I would tremble. I was a kid but I al
ready felt the prescience of that sea as darkness to be battled. It felt allpowerful,
and whatever struggle I could maintain against it was illogical. But it still made
sense in my mind to fight.
I was a star, people told me to boost my self-esteem, but when I looked at stars,
they shone with minuscule light against that thing that sought to encase them.
What powered their decision? What were the consequences? Did victory rest, then,
no longer in conquering the darkness but in merely choosing to exist within it?
My first flight to space took place at dusk, and I remember staring out the win
dow of my compartment at the amber atmosphere as we passed through it, cutting
through clouds and clouds and clouds on our way to the stars and the colonies slot
ted between them. And the amber looked like it could be gathered up in a bottle and
poured in a glass. That seemed a much better tactic than fighting it. Than shining.
I could drink it and the glass would never empty. There was enough for all of us on
22
Asimov's
that flight, u workers and laborers and wanderers in search of a new beginning, us
bartenders and bar-dwellers. Us drinkers and pourers. Tiny illumined souls swim
ming alone through a stream of darkness, unaware of the presence of others. But per
sisting in the hope of connection. Hoping someone will see our glow and be beckoned.
She thinks it's darkness.
I can see her now. She walks up to that door there, silhouetted by the dying sun
light that warms her back, and she stares in and sees me. Maybe I'm upright and
ramrod-straight. Maybe I'm curled around my familiar. Like a fetus around an um
bilical cord. And she probably thinks to herself "now that umbilical cord, that there
goes somewhere I can't reach." And maybe when she stands there, she sees me sleep
ing and wonders what relief I snatch at when I close my eyes. What despair I did not
know I could be delivered fom or what anguish gripped me so tightly that I lum
bered like a horse to poisoned water, day after day, and gulped until my body shut
down for a few hours. She stands right there and she stares and she probably thinks
that that space between my ears and behind my eyes, twinned with the contours of
this establishment, is absolute and unfathomable darkness.
She is wrong.
I don't always come to the bar to drink. And I don't always come to avoid conse
quence. Sometimesl I come because of how utterly still and quiet it can be when Boss
lifs the grate and gives the place its few hours of reverential tranquility before the
customers trickle in. Or on a Sunday night before the evening sports games and it's
just the people who have nowhere else to gO
I
no loved one to help them prepare for the
rest of the week, no professional obligation looming just around the weekend's corner.
This is the kind of place that is always being lost. I think guys, maybe guys like
me, used to come i n places like tlS i n the early 1920s and they would be under
ground so there wouldn't be people walking by the front windows and openly pitying
them, but the guys would sit in the smoky basements with dice games going on in
the background and be pitied anyway. Then, when the Depression dried everything
up, men who didn't have anyone to care for, or men who did and just did a poor job of
caring for them, would draw to their own watering holes and seek solace. Coming
back from war, a decade later, they or their sons would spend weekends or after
noons here, not necessarily nursing sorrow or even running away fom psychic war
wounds, so much as enjoying the quiet. Always we're chasing it or the idea of what a
place like this used to be like. It's a Shangri-La, a Utopia, but here we're not shamed
for our longing or harangued for our nostalgia. It's included in the price of admission.
So while aloneness is certainly a precondition for alcoholism, it is also a precondi
tion for love of bars.
Love for how the bottles of Sagittarius B2 on the second shelf gleam in the early
afernoon. Or when Smitty comes in for his shift and twists the tops ofT the bottles
and fits them with the pointed spout-hats they1l wear for the rest of the night. That
clink of bottle-tops in the pint glass he keeps by the register. The way the place gath
ers energy when a patron, even just one, walks in and sits down in his own nest of
noiselessness and doesn't even have to open his mouth to ask before his drink of
choice is in a glass in font of him. I wish she would see how beautiful that is. Or
maybe, if that doesn't convince her, the way the light falls in here just afer the lunch
hour, after people have had their meals and before the dinner-time rush when par
ents hurry back from constructing hydroponics and men stop by here for a little time
spent with their fellows before running home to b with their families. Love for how
the whole thing simply hangs together.
It's not all darkness here. It's familiar. Home. I'm always wearing the right shirt
and the right boots. And so is the regular who comes in every Wednesday and doesnlt
place of Worship 23
September 201 4
leave until he's covered his fiefdom in spilled Vostok HardWater Stout. So is the kid
who comes in at least twice a week, who's been building unlicensed educational sof
ware for grade-schoolers in his fee time and won't stop talking about how Austrian
modernism is the greatest literary movement ever. So is the Chinese-German twen
ty-something guitarist who's been working on a concept album for five years and
whose irresponsible drummer keeps breaking his wrist. So are the Dominicans that
never arrive before midnight and always stay till fifteen before closing, clogging up
the main arteries of the place with varsity jackets and hoodies and women with ass
es the size of car hoods.
Even though a shuttle runs by right outside, the inside of the place carries just the
right amount of background mosquito-buzzing white noise. The chairs swivel back
and forth with just enough give. And you always have just the right amount of mon
ey in your pocket, just the right amount of credit on your tab, to feel for one night like
the universe isn't conspiring against you, like the whole thing isn't ordered with the
express purpose of upending you, that in this place on this afernoon, the whole cos
mic machinery will leave you alone.
The colony lights dim just as the house Lights go up, and the promise of perfect se
curity is made. I'm here to witness it because I've wor a track in this seat over the
course of an hour. Not drinking. Not atomizing, even. Simply sitting and admiring
the angle of light of a bottle cap and how it cuts two beautifully branching stripes
across the counter, how one of those branches breaks of on a wall behind me and the
other leads into shadow.
I don't know everything that happens here, where that second bar of light leads.
But I know it means me no harm and isjust here to keep me company.
It means to balance my ledgers while I'm here. There's no winter in space but what
waits for us outside colony walls. In here, I feel further insulated. Here is that place
where the galaxy's yawning, frigid malice can't reach me.
Smitt stands across fom me, and there's light in his eyes. A I place my order, the
worry leaves me that someone I know might be standing in the doorway, silhouetted
by the dying light, staring in at me and seeing around me nothing but darkness.
There was an old hookah spot in South Williamsburg that I used to go to, right
around the comer from where I hit my bottom.
I was a grad student at the time, and my routine consisted of waking in the morn
ing to headaches that were simultaneously titanic and quotidian. Whatever was left
of the Stoli Lemon from the night before would go toward turning the chatter be
tween my ears into white noise, then 1 would hop on the M trai_ to my classes in
Greenwich Village. I was in school to do a thing I loved, so it was easy to fuck about
and still do it relatively well I slurred in participation, but questions fom professors
and concern fom friends and classmates were answered with the rate "'I'm just
tired." After a while, either they believed me, or they knew that asking one more
time wasn't bound to generate a different answer.
Once classes let out for the day, I would hop across the street to the most conve
niently placed package store in the world, scrape the bottom of my bank account for
enough to snatch two bottles of StoLi Lemon and feel proud of myself that they were
bought and not stolen, then hop on the train back home.
One and a half bottles' worth of vodka-waters later-I never drank vodka waters
before that semester-I would saunter off to the hookah spot where, during a week
night when a game was on and you could walk unabated to and from the bathroom,
a short-haired Ukrainian girl with nower-patterned tattoo sleeves would drip honey
in my ear about her Prospect Park poetry workshops while I gazed lovingly into my
shot of Jameson and my pint of Smithwick's.
24 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
The amber glow of the whiskey shot. That bartender's cruel optimism and facility
with words, the violence of the art on her arms. Even when she wasn't there, I had
that other server waiting for me behind the bar with her cheekbones and the Puerto
Rican rapidity of her speech and her insistence, every time I walked through that
door and took my seat, that I read Anna Karenina as soon as possible.
Pain dulled as soon as that door closed shut. Taking off my jacket, I was the
mariner removing the albatross from around his neck.
And with all of the activity around me, even early on a Sunday night when the
place was utterly still, I felt like 1 was participating in a sort of communion, engaged
in a conversation no one else could hear with someone or something that, here at
least, was out to protect me.
There was a part of me somewhere that saw the end coming. It wasn't deliverance.
It was that perfect agony that arrives when your cigarette is down to less than three
puffs. The inevitability of the unsustainable.
Much of that took place in the hookah spot. They saw me drink angrily. They saw
me show it off like that one time Tom the real estate apartment flipper refused to
believe I drank as much as I did and plied me with more free shots of well whiskey
than I'd had in a long time. I told him afer each one that he didn't have to do this,
that he would lose. And Karenina, from the other side of the bar, would smirk know
ingly, and I'd down the shot, then the next, then the next, then my fiend would order
more and before going home, I'd see with utter crystalline clarity the worry dark in
her eyes.
A friend of mine, a little afer I first got sober, joined the ministry. We'd gone to col
lege together and kept in touch intermittently afterward. He wound up in Nashville,
while I spirited my ambition and twined anguish to New York. But on Facebook, a
video of his appeared on my News Feed: an old, hand-held recording of a sermon he
had given earlier that month. He spoke on Nehemiah and homecoming and where
we get to and where we come from and how home is ofen a joining of the two in our
hearts. Reprinted below is a letter I wrote him after watching that.
While watching your "Homec01ning" sermon, something quiet and important was
happening inside me, and I spent much of my time during the hurricane tring to put
words to it. And failing quite spectacularly.
However, God made me a stubborn creature so here is another, perhaps more suc
cessful, attempt at describing the indescribable.
I love the Church. Not just the brick building with spires and a choral regiment to
rival the shepherd-visiting, Gospel-giving hosts, the edifce that's provided me solace
on many New England mornings and evenings. But the larger institution, the thing
that organies faith into a collective habit. J love it for many of the same rasons [love
habit in general. It is safet. I is sanctuary. It is home.
Only in retrospect have I been able to appreciate the voracity with which the intel
lectualism of college challenged that religion. J hated and feared the darts that were
thrown at the walls surrounding the only real island of stability and serenity I had
during those years, not knowing of course that each time a wall crumbled, J was able
to rebuild it with increasingly sophisticated buttresses. J was being made to explain
my faith, ofen to seemingly hostile audiences, but I was also being made to explain
my faith to myself And only then did I truly appreciate what it had done and was do
ing and continues to d for me.
Which brings me to the prsent moment.
I've witnessed some of the greatest minds of this generation at work while at that
school, forming themselves and arming themselves with the tols they will need when
they fnally capture positions of prominence in business and government, in interna-
place of Worship 25
September 201 4
tional as well as domestic realms. If they escape madness, if they escape malice, if they
escape the peyote solidities and the walling nightmares and the false prophets and the
desire to cultivate exacting habits, some of then! will write remarkable and astonish
ing works of fiction and non-fiction. Some of them will go on to revamp urban infra
structures. Some of them, rm sure, will find themseLves swearing an oath to uphold
an ofce to the best of their already august abilities.
So I can't tell you how heartening it is to see that one of these minds has devoted it
self so singularl:, to the understanding of personal faith and to dissemination of that
understanding to others.
I watched your sermon and I felt like I' returned home. Every time I think about
the fact that I can count among my peers such a remarkably intelli gent and generolls
preacher-man, J find myself smiling.
Tanks, man. And keep doing your thing.
The sun's dying outside. Light, reflecting ot the panels lining the ceiling of the
colony's interior, has started t blue.
I still don't know entirely why I kept going to that hookah spot afer I finally laced
together a few days of unbroken sobriety. Why, even in early sobriety, I thirsted for
temptation. Maybe it was only to feel strong i refusing it. Maybe it was to keep pick
ing a scab. There was magic in the place, though, and for this long, at least, I've not
wanted t dissect it, to leave its corpse splayed open on the operating table, tumes
cent legs frozen at the bend, mouth agape in wordless horror, calcified intestines
hanging out on each side of its carved-open stomach.
And I don't know why that place brings my friend to mind. We never drank. He
was a more disciplined man than me in that regard, and in many more. Ad Heaven
is rarely invoked in these walls. Same for discipleship and deliverance. But the pen
itents here are long-sufering. And while vice looms large in the imagination of this
place, in its psychic contours, there's room for virtue as well. When we hunch over
our drinks, when we bring them to our lips and close our eyes, when our body seizes
in recognition of the thing we are doing, the physical act of accepting the burn and
assimilating it, you can't say it does not resemble prayer.
Most friends, when they heard about my first run at sobriety, bore the obligatory
expressions of worried shock. A few of them, the knowing, or those who had more ex
perience with the leviathan tha I could guess, were silent and would only nod. Then
we would talk of something else. All in all, there were no surprises, really. I was still
in school and thus had no time for surprises, and early sobriety filled me with such
frenetic energy that 1 never had to sit down and simply wade in the ponderous
depths of what I'd decided to do. I could concentrate my eforts on "getting better,"
and that was more than enough to occupy me.
Yet I kept going back.
In the beginning, there was no religiosity to it, simply habit. The clock on my
phone would hit 10:00 P.M. or 11:00 P.M. or 12:00 A.M. and Pavlov's dog would salivate,
and the journey of his compulsion's fulfillment would lead him right back to the
hookah spot where he would wear a groove in that familiar seat and lean his elbows
on that familiar bar and eye those familiar taps and the bottles inveigling him with
the glint of the afectionate amber inside them.
I felt fresh, talking in clear tones to people l'd only spoken to while drunk. That
was the greatest surprise. My capability for sober conversation, this newly regained
ability to remember former conversations and not be governed by the fumbling
through-haze that crippled my earlier conversational efforts. It's still a wonder to
me, talking sober to people I remember talking to while drunk. I'm loud and boister
ous and aware. I can recall events, can spice up anecdotes, and my mimicry is con-
26 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
trolled, my pantomime disciplined. I can demonstrate Tom's episode in the rose
bushes without the self-destructive lurching toward ego-death of a Method actor.
Here, in space, someone new serves me now. The Puerto Rcan girl is a memory, a
bright light between two black eternities flanking me fore and af. Jo, in time, will
likely be the same, so will Smitty. But I wait for her, for Jo. I make sure that when I
get here, I don't start of too quickly, don't run out of steam, so that when Jo finally
does hurry through the door, Dee sometimes serving as forerunner and vanishing
into the back before they both assume their positions and find their rhythm, I'm my
old self again, for better and for worse.
The last Earthbound church I went to had its first gathering in 1635. Ten adven
turers, who had settled in Wethersfield, Connecticut, having arrived the year before,
found, in the wilderness of that unsettled country, a common deified entity from
which emanated succor and instruction on how to go about living where they did.
None of the old buildings remain, but each new cycle of development the town had
seen when I attended church there had sought to fer preserve the town's histor
ical bequest. As though the farther into the future we went and the closer we
stretched our faces toward space, the more important it became that the shingles
matched what we pictured in our imaginations, and the red of the brick and the
height of the achromatic spires and the chill of the sanctuary on a snow-Limned Feb
ruary morning.
The story is incomplete, we were perhaps saying to ourselves, without an author.
The meetinghouse, when I was a kid, was this handsome, Georgianstyle colonial
building. You could see it coming from a ways away because the chief white spire
would poke out above the evergreen treetops.
There were lots of hills around, and we'd put-put up and down them in our gaso
line-fueled antiquities toward that beacon every Sunday morning, Mom drawn by
the siren song of that bell tolling i the spire, the rest of us stumbling in her wake,
most of the time unafected by its clangs and chimes.
It was the first time Id ever seen a woman minister.
She was lovely and loving. On the surface, very much a stereotypical counterpoint
to the hellfire-andbrimstone Baptists I'd grown up in fear of, fundamentalists who
advocated the existence of a God somewhere off in the mountains that hurled com
mandments and plague with equally exacting terror. This minister, this Congrega
tionalist, snapped her fingers and shackles tured to vapor that we were meant to
inhale, then exhale. And in the interim of that breathing, we were to be changed,
made more like Him we were to serve.
She told me once when we'd had cofee to discuss my writing and my faith that
church wasn't simply a building or a denomination. It is people brought together by
God, to love and praise Him, to love all others, and to spread to others the good news
of God's grace. ''For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the
midst of them" -Matthew 18:20.
Our home in the next town over was an old one when we bought it, and as busy as
Mom and the rest of us were, we had neither the time nor the resources to maintain
it. More ofen than not, it did all the things a house was supposed to do. Walls to keep
out the cold. Windows fom which we could watch the sun bleed across roofops and
the underbellies of clouds in the fall. A yard in which to rake leaves when they felL
Even a driveway where Mom could park the family minivan she used to take us to
and from college and the scarred, world-weary Subaru Legacy we drove everywhere
else. Both rear windows bore decals from every school we'd attended from middle
school through college, until an errant tree branch during a storm caused u to have
both windows replaced. Stamps in the passport, we would call them.
place of Warship 27
September 201 4
But when it rained, we discovered how thin-skulled our house really was, and be
fore long, thunder on the horizon became a call to bring out the buckets.
This wasn't particularly odious. But, hke the FAFSA forms we had to fill out every
year for financial aid from the government, and like the offices we would help Mom
clean every weekend as part of her second job, it was a reminder of how much we
didn't have. And whenever I'd return to school, surrounded once again by kids who
wintered in the Swiss Alps and summered in Barcelona and autumned on Cape Cod,
kids who had sprung ito an existence that did not hold within it the possibility of
leaky roofs, our own became a persistently crippling reminder of just who I was and
where I'd come from.
One long weekend away fom school, I'd come home and as the car pulled up to the
front yard, I saw men in the early fall warmth standing on our roof, girded with tool
belts and armed with working gloves and thick, paint-stained Timberland boots. I
didn't recognize them from anywhere and was further surprised when I noticed my
brother, the self-proclaimed laziest member of the family, up on the roof with them.
I asked Mom, when she came to the door, what was going on, what miracle Id been
caught witnessing, and when she tld me the men were fixing our roof, 1 asked her
how much she needed, so that I could feel good about helping to pay it of She told
me they were men fTom church and they were working for free, whereupon I found
myself fighting back reflexive tears.
It wasn't until later that I unearthed the rest of the story.
At our church, in the corridor bridging the social area and the sanctuary, there's a
prayer board to wruch chUl'ch members can affix post-it requests for prayer: a loved
one diagnosed with cancer, an extended unemployment stretch, even the occasional
struggle with substance abuse. They can post anonymously, or they can sign their
first name at the bottom (everyone knew everyone, more or less, even our woebegone
family).
Mom had posted a note about our deficient TOOf And several members of our
church, themselves brothers whose father owned and maintained a contracting busi
ness, answered the call. And were they to be asked why, they would have answered,
I'm sure, that it was what Christ would have done.
In that moment, I'd never been prouder to call myself a Christian.
God exsted in the acts of others. Similar to Francis Kilvert's description ofrus pas
toral rounds of the Welsh countryside. Not once does he mention God. Not once does
his mouth morph around the word, the name, the title. But in every utterance there
exsts the breath of the divine, Kilvert the vessel through which God re-experiences
the world He created.
Thereafer, every time I saw that head church spire, I felt, without quite knowing
why or how, that the shackles I had not known were binding me had ben turned to
vapor.
Early on in meetings, there was a lot of talk of prayer. What came up most often
was the Serenity Prayer, which was, at its essence, a verbalization of the stepwork we
were supposed to do to keep the gift of sobriety that had been bore out of the even
more inscrutable gift of desperation. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the
difference. A shortened version of an old American theologian's incantation, it was one
of the phrases I heard so often in the beginning that it had swiftly become white
noise. Still, whenever I thought about the entreaty, and the motley crew who had
taught it to me (reformed heroin junkies, methheads, and drunks), it stirred me.
My background, being formed largely in New England churches, had instilled in me
a facility with prayer, with being able to find the right words to baptize the food before
28 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
a family meal or to enlist God's ad in the salvation (spiritual or physical or both) of a
concerned acquaintance. I could talk it as I was supposed to talk it, but coming into
meetings, I was confonted for the first time with the interalization of the act.
Looking, for the first few times, at the people around me, I found I was staring at
a room full of people whose prayers had gone unheeded. And hovering in the stale
air of the room, mingling with the nicotine-tick odor of self-rejection and loathing,
was the question "why didn't God answer my prayer?" Men who'd lost families,
women who'd lost houses, kids who'd lost chldhood. Surely, they had prayed to keep
those things the disease took from them. And the beguiling leviatan that smiled in
side them at the sight of a drink or a needle, surely it was a weak enough beast for
the Almight to defeat.
There's the platitude that we can't possibly know God's will and our suffering is in
the furtherance of some larger, nobler design. Pharaoh's heart was hardened against
the Israelites for a divinely ordained reason. But [ think it might've been safe to as
sume that such an explanation wouldn't have reassured anyone there. Or might it
have?
There they were, sitting around me in chairs borrowed fyom the adjacent sanctu
ary, wary of accidentally scufing the floors when they shifed out of nervousness or
reflex, alive. Breathing. And, for the most part, sober.
The clanking I'd thought I'd begun to hear after a few months wasn't the tinnitus
of alcohol-induced aural damage. It was men on a roof with my little brother, fixing
the damned thing.
The devil never sleeps. The devil is always busy. It is not enough to win once. One
must win over and over and over again.
There are no porches in the Walled City. Ofen, because buldings go up so quickly
with the unregulated construction, neighbors siphon utiLities from each other, a wa
ter pipe running fom one dwelling to another up and across a passageway whose
foundation is equally unstable. Even if one were to traverse the network of alleys
and gangways overhead, linking the City's North and South Ends, one wouldn't be
able to escape the odor that rises fom the waste below. Television antennas tangle in
the laundry laid out on clotheslines. Water tanks and drug addicts litter the rofs,
lghting up underneath the sunrise, sheltered from the heat by the tanks' shifing
shadows. Doctors operate without license. The sneakers sold out of one shop reek of
the meat chopped and processed in the next one. The windows are without calcula
tion, the streets open to prostitutes while, every Sunday moring, a priest hidden
somewhere in the maze leads a pre-recorded choir in the Doxology, then preaches a
sermon from the same passage in First Timothy.
But Jake, one of the men I first went into space with, he built a claustrophobic ve
randa out of scraps left from construction of the bar he planned on opening. Both the
bar and the veranda in violation of colony planning codes and common sense. But in
this corer of our Paradise, no one seems to mind. It feels a lot like home. Someone's
home, at least.
Coming to space, we didn't leave behind te urge to reproduce what we had left be
hind, and Jake goes inside, then comes back out a few minutes later with an old,
weathered bottle of Jim Beam. R Stag. I can still see the numbers on the faded,
creased price sticker.
I don't ask Jake where he got it fom, but there's only a bit lef in there. Three, four
fingers maybe. He pours half in his glass and half in mine. There's a story there and
I wait for him to tell it. There's a niggling in the back of my mind that this is wrong,
that I've been sober for eight years, that I was sobr when I made the biggest deci
sion of my life and left what remained of my family to go to space. But I don't want to
place of Worship 29
September 201 4
stand in the way of his story, so I keep quiet. He's never seen me drink, so why would
he know any better? Maybe he needs this.
The bttle, he tells me, was his grandfather's. A deacon, by Jake's recollection, who
had an otherworldly respect for astronomers and astronauts. The man witnessed
that first moon lancing through a television screen and preached an ad hoc sermon
in the living room that evening, a quiet afair for his family stating that Man had
been brought closer, by that act, t God; that shooting into the stars was only possible
because we'd been humbler than the angels who had kept God company for so long.
That, as a species, we were inclining toward something greater, grander, some im
mense destiny unfolding for us that we could not possibly know but that God, smil
ing behind his silver beard, had bestowed upon us.
Jake had brought the bottle out with him because he wanted his grandfather to
see space fom where he sat. It was beautiful, and it was quiet, sure. But it wasn't all
it was cracked up t be. Where we worked initially had vast windows that opened up
on the inky expanse and before long, our jetsam had formed a ring orbiting the space
station. We couldn't smell Long Island Sound, or the Connecticut River, but it had
come with us. Jake said he wanted his grandfather to see space before we ruined it,
so he poured half the bottle's remains in his glass and half in mine.
My own dad was a preacher-man, I tell Jake. He nods in appreciation. The bottle
has brought stories out of both of us. Well, he wasn't a preacher per se, he was a dea
con. But his best friend in our Polish factory hometown was the pastor, and they
would play afteroon racquetball and the pastor always called my father Bishop, not
like a title, but with a knowing smirk, like a term of endearment. I want to say that
my dad never drank, at least not like I did, but I can't say with any certainty. I sim
ply didn't know. He died before I could ask him, before I could get his counsel on
what would become my problem. Chronic myeloid leukemia.
We trade sips. My glass feels suddenly fragile in my hand. I try to tell myself that
it's not the euphoric, transgressive thrill of falling of the wagon. That it's the pre
ciousness of tis sacrosanct whiskey that makes the thing tender in my gip. Envy
shoots through me. I wish I had some physical bequest from my father and his be
fore him. Something other than tainted blood and a once-winning smile. Something
like a watch to have received at my wedding, or a secret recipe for rice and beans.
Some sort of talisman that, when I held it, reminded me of him.
We finish, and I ask Jake what's he gonna do with the bottle.
I dunno, bury it? he replies, smirking through his stubble.
Less than a month later, that bottle will join the rest of the flotsam orbiting the
colony. And I'll try to tell myself that the bottle's presence makes the ring look less
like junk, that it looks less like a collection of precious stuff thrown away. But I'll
have been of the wagon for a few weeks by then, so I won't be able to.
Mom got sick, and I almost missed the end.
No internet in space meant that coming here had reduced us, in many ways, to a
tie none of us could remember. Post offices, telephone lines. Love letters and job
references written on lined paper. We could receive electronic communiques from
Earth, but we couldn't send them back, and this often meant long queues at the local
station where colony workers waited to hear from those they'd lef behind. The mes
sage from one of my sisters read like an old-school telegram. Mom's sick. Stop. Not
long. Stop. Come back. Stop. I'd seen the message through the pounding haze of a
hangover that evaporated soon after. A I made plans to go back, the fog had van
ished. The pounding, however, never left . It thundered behind my eyes and as we hit
the atmosphere and slowed our descent, it radiated into every other part of my body,
threading each nerve until it felt like extremities would begin to detach, each wing
30 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
breaking off, each extremity snapping in the speed of falling, until all that landed in
the docking bay at Cape Canaveral was a bloody, throbbing core.
By the time I saw her, she had forgotten how to speak.
Everyone from our church had come by with gfs, with food she couldn't eat, with
promises for my brother and my sisters, with wish-list prayers for all of us. Please,
God, ease her sufering. Please, God, watch over her chldren, Your children. Please,
God, shine a light for them in this time of darkness.
I knew she recognized me by how hard she gripped my wrist when I put my hand
on hers. And when tears rolled down her face, I knew why she was crying. Everyone
had given me a wide berth as I'd walked down the hospital corridors, smelling the
whiskey that leaked from my pores and hung in the threads of my jacket.
You're the reason I'm still alive, I wanted to tell her. Because it was true. After
every bender, I would wake on my floor or suspended in air with the gravity tured
of knuckles bloodied, shirt ripped sometimes, vomit on my jeans, tankful that this
wasn't the one to take me. I'd be grateful I still had more in me, but I was more grate
ful that I hadn't let this thing kl me. Not yet.
You kept me alive, Mom.
But she ddn't stop crying. What will you do when I die?
The silence at the end of that question was bottomless. Cavernous, and perfectly
dark.
Somewhere, someone was out there complaining about the hours added to their
shif, caring for a person beyond anyone's knowledge of medicinal art. Someone past
consciousness or even the ability to fonn memories. Past control of their functions. Past
sight of the matrial world. And that someone, somewhere probably considered that
burden a bag of shit. I many ways, a person in their last extremity is a bag of shit.
But on the other end of that cord is the penitent on knees that haven't been
padded with cartilage from a custom of genuflection. Begging, pleading to have that
sufferer's sufering removed, wondering aloud through his tears what conceivable
godly use that sufferer's suffering serves. Whether hearing her body fall apart piece
by piece is a reminder of His omnipotnce, whether the shortening of her breath is
something that makes Him smile severely and magnanimously. Whether the true
joy is in watching the rest of us flail about in our own understanding's imperfections,
hoping it isn't tomuch to ask that the su erer be cared for and made comfortable at
least until she expires.
The penitent ends his prayer with "thy will be done." And, simultaneously, the
someone, somewhere, heaves a sigh, and both pieces of flotsam unstick themselves
from the boulder that had moored them, free now to drift along the stream once
again toward an end around the bend that they will not see until they pass it.
My brother and I were silent for the ride back to Cape Canaveral.
He'd taken to construction work in my absence and had done an admirable job
with our house for Mom's wake, and I thanked him for it in my own way, but I was
numb again. It was the same feeling I'd had after Dad died, a sort of autopilot. I
ddn't care what it did to me this time. It was enough to get to the next minute in one
pIece.
My bl"ther told me to take care, but I don't remember exactly what he said. Nor do
I remember swiping my visa, nor do I remember strapping in. But I did remember
to bring my sunglasses. The same ones I'd wor during the wake and during the pub
crawl afterward, the ones from behind which I'd watched them bury my mother. The
same ones I'd wor to keep the friends and family from seeing just how shaefully
bloodshot my eyes were while 1 shook their hands. They'd provided a mask of imp as-
place of Worship 31
September 201 4
sivity. and now as we escaped the atmosphere, ritual took over and I moved to put
them on again.
The first time I'd done it, I hadn't known why we had to. But one glimpse outside
the spacecraf, encased in the flame of its passage into the firmament, was enough
to school me. I'd put them on, but anyone who looked at me could've discerned my
mood. I was grinning from ear to ear.
I turned my sunglasses over in my gloved hands, examined them from the front,
then the back, then folded them and put them back in my pocket.
I didn't care if the shuttle night blinded me. Id seen more than enough for one life
time.
Ater 1 got sober the first time, I'd moved back to Connecticut to b closer to fami
ly while still going to school. The money I saved was enough to make it worth it, but
the commute soon became a twice-daily ritual punishment. During the winter, I'd be
on the Metro-North train while stars still dotted the sky, and I'd be on my way back
when theyd retw'ned from their nap.
The first time I saw her, I'd been staring at something else entirely. I'd adjusted
slightly to the masochism of my early commute by taking solace in the sunrises on
that part of the Massachusetts River. The rain the day before had just broken sum
mer's hold on the Easter Seaboard and I'd been glad finally at the opportunity to
don a jacket. Early on in my commute, the rain had had the efect of altering the sun
rises, changing them from gorgeous, showy splashes of ochre and pink to gradual,
formless alleviations of the darkness. And, in my nervy, early sobriety, I couldn't
help but be thankful to the God that would send me such a gift on my way to work
every moring.
That was when I noticed her reflection in the window. It was a thing cut with
pinks and blues and gold, but I'd stared for a long time and discered the contours of
her face, the button nose, the high cheekbones, the streak of red slashed through her
bangs, the pursed lips on the clifs edge of a smirk.
She hadn't glanced at me at aU during that first ride, and I was ready to consign
her to the realm of dreamstuf. But she'd showed up again, as much a slave to rou
tine as I had been.
Back then, I think I'd been nursing a secondary addiction to locomotion, but she
made the whole thig palatable. It didn't matter that I never saw her outside a train
car or that we hadn't exchanged five words between us in the whole time we'd be
come a part of each other's routines, but it was enough to know I wasn't alone in do
ing this, that someone had caught sight of me and I of them and we'd nodded our
heads in silent acknowledgement and perhaps commiseration.
So imagine the look on my face-the look this girl surely sees-when I catch her
reflection in the window as a nova swallows us whole and gets ready t spit us into
the caverously silent and still maw of outer space.
She registers a flicker of surprise, the red in her bangs dancing above her right eye
brow, but that is it. She tightens her hood so I can't catch any more of her enflamed
reflection, but I nod my head. In acknowledgment, and perhaps commiseration.
My sunglasses somehow find my face.
Jake got me a job with waste disposal. We'd take little propulsion boards out into
the colony's atmosphere, explosive charges strapped to our backs, and we'd attach
them to the bits of detritus that needed blowing up. We'd prime the charge, then
high-tail it back to the docking station where we would all joke and laugh or marvel
at the silent, instant explosions that rippled out in waves before oxygen-less space
swallowed them whole.
32 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
In the lead-up to the detonation, the air was pregnant with laughter and jokes and
stories that would always wind down or peter of into silence as the foreman readied
the detonator. We nursed the ensuing five seconds of silence before the explosion and
watched in reverent quiet as the conflagration began, each explosion setting off the
adjacent charges that reminded me, in their imagery, of the lights that used to go up
on 125th Street in Harlem the month before Christmas. They were cross-street, ban
ner-type lights with three eight-pointed stars arranged at their center, the two side
stars trailing comet tails that pointed to the stars at each end flanking them.
In our work clothes, we would watch the light show, and afer every run there was
the obligatory throat-clearing before we tured back into normal, profane workmen.
It was dangerous work, so there were always more work openings than workers,
but we who did it loved the work. I imagine for some of them that it was the py
rotechnic display that did it, that imbued them with a sense of wonder. For some,
perhaps it was that this thing was so utterly noiseless, this cataclysmic destruction
we were wreaking on the ecosystem of waste out there ringing our hore. A couple of
the guys, before and afer, would talk about their runs and, for many of us, te utter
stillness when we left the colony and propulsed out to the ring was the opportunity
for spiritual devotion. It was a bit like riding a motorcycle, one ofthe guys would say.
You don't have all the metal and plastic of a truck frame or a van or a car shielding
you from the elements.
You never rode in the rain, though, one of the others would retort.
It doesn't rain in space, someone would sagely chime in.
At which we'd all laugh.
That slow swim in outer space felt like passing effortlessly through the calmest
waters imaginable. It slowed everything down, you could feel it in the blood. It was
like drunkenness without the incoherence or incompetence.
We'd walk into the observation booth and suit up, punch in Like we were contrac
tors or a construction crew, then whoever's tur it was wouJd head alone down the
corridor to the docking station, make sure the board was up to full power and that
his suit had no malfunctions. I'd wondered why there was no mechanic or technician
to independenty verif the suit's constitution (no one high-up made sure garbage
trucks back on Earth ran smoothly, did they?), but there was something daring and
romantic and incredible about doing it ourselves. If we didn't do it right, we would
die and someone would have to go out and come get us or our body would drif out
ward to join the refuse and eventually, the suit's life support system would power
down and the organs would clam up and the body would feeze and become brittle
until it broke and was just a lumpy mass of organic detritus.
No malfunctions so far, and if one of the guys had been inattentive or suicidal, it
never manifested during their run.
Maybe the work was too important. Not for the colony, but for us. A long as there
was waste, there would need to be people to take care of it. And as long as the colony
grew and made plans to spawn other colonies at other Lagrange point, there would
be waste. A long as there were people, there would be waste.
It's Jake's tum now, and suiting up is a ritual that govers his body so completely he
no longer needs to pay attention. He doesn't miss a beat, except for one of the oxygen
valves strapped against his calf It dangles lose, but its end doesn't scrape against the
floor, so he can't hear it. And I worry for a second that he's going to go out there and
die because he didn't take two extra seconds to check for it. At the last moment, he
looks behind him and catches it. He's listless as he takes the board from where it hangs
on the wall and punches in the code for the chute to open up and spit him out.
He wiggles a bit longer than usual into position, then his body stills, and he
vanishes.
rlace of Worship 33
September 201 4
We don't see him again util he's about a hundred meters fom the station, then it's
just his legs kicking at the absence of air as the board pulls him to his destination.
He planted the charges, armed them, and headed back, slower than usual.
When he finally resurfaced, he looked drained, like all his organs had slowed
down, and it took longer than usual for the blood to return to his face. The haunted
depressions i his cheeks looked eerily like the surface of another planet.
He didn't watch the detonation with the rest of us, and when I found him at the
end of our shif, he told me he was going back to Earth.
Fucking degenerate alcoholic, was all he answered in the way of explanation.
Andres came up to me afer Jake left and told me Jake wanted to be left alone
about it, that his brother was causing the family problems and that his alcoholism
had turned him int a tempest that was in the process of wrecking the man's family.
Before Jake lef, I caught h on his engawa one last time, and there was no drink on
the table between u, so I ended up blinging my own ber and drank it while he talked.
The kid has no fucking . . . the shit that my mother's had to go through, and he
doesn't see it right in front of his fuckng face to just . . . he's missing component
parts, man. The stuf that makes up normal fucking human beings, the machinery
and all that. He just doesn't have it.
I took another pull from my beer. Deeper than the last.
He's got no shame. Ifhe has t mow the lawn, he lets it grow till it's fcking tuching
the windows before he'll even do halfofit. Fucking stealing money out of her goddamn
purse to vanish for weeks at a time, Mom with no fucking idea where he is mosta the
time. It's like . . . (He looks at his hands.) It's like the only thing of interest to him,
the only thing he has any passion for, any desire to get good at. is drinking. I just .
He didn't have to finish. You just wish he would die and get it all over with? I
wanted to ask h, because it made sense and I didn't think Jake was wrong to want
that.
Guilt brought the blood to my face and I drained the rest of my beer, then gripped
the bottle in both hands. I'd known the grace of deliverance, known that G was ca
pable of mercy by bringing me into the program and keeping me sober all that time.
And I'd spurned that because . . . because why? Did it even matter anymore?
Anyway. I'm going back to Earth. World's fuckin' falling apart anyway. Might as
well be around for the end.
I wondered if anyone ever thought that about me, or if they'd ever said a much to
anyone. More than that, I envied Jake's brother. What a wonderful thing to have
someone think you are worth saving. That was why Jake was going back, even if he
didn't know or believe it. He wanted to save his brother from imminent destruction,
or perhaps provide some relief and comfort in the man's last extremity. What a fool
that alcoholic was not to notice.
During my runs, I'd ofn thought about Dad, about my family. In thrillingly hor
rific feat of imagination, I tried to think about what form their anguish would take
at my dying. Because it was only a matter of time.
Often, I'd come back to that last memory of Dad alive.
It was a Sunday when I was ten years old. I was standing by my father's hospital
bed, wearing a protective mask over my mouth and nose. We had just returned from
church, still dressed to the nines. My first sister stood by the foot of the bed with my
mother. I didn't recognize the man beneath the sheets. Sores scarred his beautiful
face and had destroyed his mouth. His arms lay shriveled at his sides.
To my right, someone began shaking. My sister was crying. She ran to my father's
bed, embracing him, and it was then that the tears came to my own eyes. My vision
clouded. Any words I may have had choked in my throat, and I joined them.
"I love you, Daddy," my sister kept weeping. "I love you."
34 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
In every recapturing of that memory, I see myself and my sisters ad my Dad and
somewhere of-screen my Mom, but my brother is absent. I know with certainty that
he was there in the hospital room with us. But I don't remember where he stood. I
don't remember ever looking to see the expression on his face. lfhe too was crying. If
he needed my help. Or just to be looked at.
Jake lef and I brought my hangover with me to work to keep me company in his
stead. We'd paddle out into the giant nothingness, that punishing throb railroading
between my ears, and me. During those voyages, the thin membrane between me
and space started to grow holes like socks worn for too long, and the holes widened
until, every time I left the docking station, I felt like I was becoming water rather
than plunging into it. Eventually, I hoped, the whole damn thing would swallow me
whole and I could stop fighting it.
In the interim between runs, I'd ofen wake up with the gravity tured of in my
room, prostrate in the air with blood and vomit on my jeans. Some of the effiuent
floated in the space around me. It was a wonder I never choked on it. But it was also
a wonder I kept running into Rosa, that dark-haired neuroscientist from the shuttle
flight, who had as little idea what she was doing in space as I did, and who, like
Karenina at the old WilliamsblU'g bar. would always wear in her eyes that dark hint
of worry whenever we parted ways.
We walked similar routes to work, she to her job and I to mine, and I was glad for
the company, gladder still that, seeing my condition, she didn't seek to correct it, to
right my course. She never chastised my worsening, nor the inebriant reek that per
vaded my clothes after a few weeks.
That's the sign of a mature person, I said to myself, suiting up, having a conversa
tion no one else could hear, because that's what alcoholism always has been. She
knows her bounds and mine, the limits of her powers. Ad sometimes the best thing
a person can do is shut the fuck up about something they know nothing about.
A to the hows and whys ofliving in the absence of my mother's presence, I'd have
done well to heed that advice.
Self-destruction is the answer, always has been. Every time ] watch that waste ex
plode int nothingness, I have that proposition afirmed.
On my way back from my last run for the night, I thought about our old home and
one time dlUing the winter break between semesters when I'd come back for some
repose and to see the family I'd gotten increasingly proficient at neglecting.
Outside, it was cold enough for long johns and a hoodie but warm enough for snow
to fall i sof, tiny flakes from the sky. Highlighted by the amber glow of streetiamps
before continuing their descent onto the already-white pavement. I wasn't out there
for long, but aside fom a single SU whose taillights blinked forlornly as it navi
gated the street, I was the only movement outdoors at 10:30 P.1-.
It was nice, the manual labor. And it felt familiar the way an old pair of sneakers
feels familiar. I could let my mind wander over te worries that lurked around the
comer, waiting for me on the other side of the weekend. ] worried about school and
how I would handle whatever travails the final semester had in store for me. I wor
ried about my program, how I'd strayed from the path, lured by the comforts of va
cation and leisure time spent with the family when ] should've been doing the
spiritual heavy-lifing of this particular bit of self-improvement. I worried about the
chastisement that awaited me when I rejoined my group. And ] worried about the fi
nancial cesspool I'd spent two years wandering into. FAFSA season was always a bit
ter reminder of just where I'd come from, just how little I had and just how audacious
I was to want more than what I'd gotten. And every year without fail, the filling out of
those forms heralded a dark cloud. But for the thirty minuts that I'm outside shov
eling my driveway, alone in my work, I'm content.
place of Worship 35
September 201 4
I finish work and stomp back up the porch steps, clearing the snow from my
shoes, walk back inside and chuckle at the sight of my gloves on the couch opposite
me. I'd spent a good half hour shoveling a driveway barehanded, and hadn't even
noticed.
The lanternslide is faded. sepia-toned. Slowly, it grows COIOf.
The opened door catches a sliver of Mom's bedroom. Organized chaos: laundry re
cently folded in piles of whites and coloreds at the bed's end. Textbooks splayed open
elsewhere. A Bible and daily devotional resting serenely, patiently, on the pillow she
will share in a few years with my second sister when Dad dies. His absence here sug
gests he is already in the hospital. I can't see where the Bible is opened to, but I
know it's the Gospel of Mark, Chapter 10 because that's what her Bible study last
Sunday discussed.
And I see it there, my mother on her knees, elbows resting on her bed, hands
clasped together in silent supplication. The different economies of Heaven and
Earth, that a wealthy man is not guaranteed access into Heaven and that sacrifice
and faith are the chief currencies and that the rate of exchange between earthly
riches and spiritual wealth is impossible to calculate, a rate known only to God. I
see the disciples beside Christ as he lectures, asking what they must do to get into
Heaven, having sacrificed everything to follow Him except their sense of entitle
ment.
The lanternslide flickers. The light changes.
My mother is sufused with an otherworldly glow, her image crystalline.
She's in her nightdress, but I know then I will never see a woman more naked
than now.
It's not all darkness here.
A few couples have taken tables along the wall and in a little bit, the guys will be
here to watch the game transmitted through crystal-clear satellite signal. Rosa
might show up in a bit. She doesn't drink, but we missed each other on our last few
morning promenades and I assume-I hope-that she has begun to worry. She
knows where to find me. Jake won't be here, but a friend of his has been running the
place i his absence and is a good enough guy. Boss, when the familiar stomping be
gins, will wake up in that cave he occupies downstairs and lumber up the stps, grog
g and bearish, chest hair poking out the collar of his T-shirt. And he'll slap me on
the back and shake my hand while scanning the landscape for customers, sizing up
the state of afairs. He won't notice that I've not touched my shot in the entire time
since Smitty poured it for me what seems like a lifetime ago.
Jo and Dee sneak in through the back and separate immediately and I can tell
that they've been fighting. I proffer a stubbled cheek and Dee kisses it before van
ishing into the kitchen. Jo takes up her post behind the bar. She doesn't want to talk
and neither do 1.
A guy in an overcoat comes in. Temperature has been San Diego-nice all night so
far, but the guy looks like Jake did after that last run. Al sunken cheeks and blue
flesh. He sits a couple chairs down from me, and premonition pours fom him. So I
nod to Smitty, mime smoking a cigarette and duck out back.
The back area, more a broom-closet than anything else, with a few cushioned
chairs and some hooks along the wall, is something the Boss put in afer Jake lef. In
part to give the girls privacy when they changed into the bar clothes. In part to give
guys who want to be alone in a bar a place to be alone.
By some cosmic two-step of providence, this prison cell, when the overhead blinds
are rolled back, reveals a tiny porthole that opens out onto space. It's always night-
36 Tochi Onyebuchi
Asimov's
time in this room, and if you're the only one there and you ask, you can have the
management keep the lights of and just sit in the dark.
The skylight is unblocked when I sit down. Like the place was waiting for me.
I draw hard on my atomizer and for a second I entertain the thought that this was
perhaps where that second beam of light led. Right to the heating coil at the center of
this translucent device, my last bit of refletion before I go and ride this one off the cf
Pharaoh comes to mind again, and [ wonder if perhaps he should've gotten a bet
ter break. God had hardened his heart for him. Perhaps He was doing a similar
thing with me, making me into a two-headed beast to savage what might be health
ily borne out of human endeavor and self-preservation, leaving me to sedately gnaw
my own privates in the of-hours between bouts of self-destructive atavislU. Break
what I will, He probably told himself regarding Pharaoh and the suffering he was to
enact on Egyptian and Israelite alike, and what I won't, set those parts against
themselves to weaken.
I sink into the chair-back, my hands between my knees. And stare at the f irma
ment above me through the vapor that curls before my eyes. That f innament, empty
of trash and waste and detritus. So precious. So empty of things thrown away. That
f irmament intricately and exactly ordered. "You are precious," I say, continuing that
conversation no one else can hear.
The rest of that passage fom Exodus comes to mind: "And the Lord said unto Moses,
G in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that
I might shew these my signs before him: And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy
son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which
I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the Lord" Exodus 10:1-2.
You are precious, I tell the sky. What did Ginsberg call it? The machinery of night?
Pharaoh and I. crushed in its gears.
You are precious, too, it says back, in a voice that reminds me of Dad. Of Mom.
My vision clouds.
Too precious to be thrown away.
I switch of my cigarette. The engine peters out into silence. There's a loosening in
my chest. It hadn't felt like prayer. It hadn't felt like a howl against emptiness either.
But I feel safe, and loved. And seen. And all I had to do was look up.
All the way up. 0
rlace of Worship 37
EVERY[NE WI LL
WANT [NE
Kelly Sandoval
Kelly Sandoval lives with her fiance in Seattle, Washington.
Her fiction has been published in Daily Science Fiction and
Esopus. In Kelly's first story for Asimov's, a memorable
young character eventually understands why "Everyone
Will Want One:' The author wrote the tale while attending
the 201 1 Clarion West Writers Workshop and credits her
classmates and instructors with encouraging her to finish
it, and we're very glad they did.
n Nancy's thirteenth birthday, her father takes her to the restaurant he likes,
the one with the wood paneling, the oversized chandeliers, and the menus i n
French. Around them, people talk i n low voices but Nancy and her father eat their
soup i silence. Aer the waiter takes the bowls away, her father sets a wrapped box
the size of a toaster on the table.
She doesn't open it,just smoothes down the ribbon and rearranges her silverware.
The unsmiling waiter is watching her; she can feel it. She can feel that he doesn't
want her in his restaurant, opening her birthday present. It isn't a birthday present
sort of place, isn't even a thirteen-yeaT-old in her best dress kind of place. She tries
to be very smal in her chair.
"Go ahead," demands her father. "Open it."
He's frowning and his fown is much closer than the waiter's. Nancy picks at the
bow, undoing the knot as best she can with her fresh manicure. Checking t make
sure the waiter's not looking, she picks up her knife and slides it under the tape, eas
ing it loose without tearing the shiny paper.
The box inside has the logo of her father's company on it. Nancy tangles her fin
gers together, stalling. She wants, very much, for it to be a toaster.
"Hurry up," says her father.
She wants to fold the paper into a crisp square or turn it into a giant origami
swan. She wants to pretend that is the present, a sheet of white wrapping paper.
Her father clears his throat and she cringes. The box isn't taped and she tugs it
open. Inside, there's a layer of packing foam, which she picks through, not letting
any spill on the table, until her fingers meet fur. The thing in the box is sof, cold,
and the size of her two closed fists. She traces the shape of it, four feet, a tail, ears
pointed alertly upward.
When, a minute later, she gets it fee of the box and shakes the last of the packing
foam from its fur, she sees it has the shape of a kitten. Its fur is black and silver,
with patterns that look nothing like a real eat's, all loops and whirling, dizzy spirals.
38
Asimov's
It looks like a synth-pet. They're popular at her school and her father's company does
make them. But Nancy has a kitten, a dog, and a tiny-jeweled unicor at home. He
wouldn't give her another.
"Thank you," she says, setting it beside her bread plate. "What is it?"
"We've been calling it a reimager. That might change, though. Marketing's leaning
toward Synth-SociaL" He looks at her directly for the first time, checking her for a
reaction to the name. She wonders if he'll give her a focus group form to fill out on
her present. He's done it before.
"Oh," she says. She remembers him telling her about them, months ago. Reim
agers were synth-pets for losers; they could anaJyze social networks and facial ex
pressions, then tell their owners how to react. Nancy doesn't wonder how her dad got
the idea.
''They'll be huge in a year or two, when we're ready for market. Everyone your age
will want one. You're lucky to get one now."
"Cool."
"It'll be good for you. Don't you want to be popular?"
"I want to be left alone," she answers, half-whispering, cringing away fom him.
"You don't know what you want," he says. "It'll be good for you."
He's still frowning and she knows she isn't being grateful enough. She picks up the
reimager, cups it in both hands but keeps it held away fom her. She smiles as best
as she knows how. "I'm really excited," she says. "'Thanks."
On the drive home, Nancy stares out the window pretending that she'll get home
and find a birthday cake waiting in the kitchen, maybe even a couple of fiends, ea
ger to surprise her. Instead, there's only a dark house and the slam of her father's of
fice door. She stands in the entryway, made small by the high ceilings and oversized
windows, clinging to her present. She doesn't even know how to tum it on.
Afer thirty minutes of puzzling, Nancy finds a seam along the reimager's neck and
peels back the fr, exposing the steel beneath. There's a button, and she presses it,
holding it down until the I'eimager opens its eyes, which give of a faint green light.
''Finding signal," it says. Its voice is sof and without emotion. "Signal found. Pass
word needed."
It isn't the first synth-pet she's had that wanted access to the internet. She recites
the string of numbers by memory.
"Access achieved. Nancy Sterling?"
"Umm, yes."
"Searching." It leaps fom her hands to the thick white carpet. It prowls her room
with simulated grace and, watching it, she smiles without meanjng to.
"Searching for what?" she asks, sitting cross-legged on the ground to watch it more
closely.
It doesn't answer her and, for a few minutes, they are quiet. Nancy thinks about
school, where the other synth-pets are simple, and very few talk at alL She knows
what they'll say when they see hers.
"NanS, NanSilver, NJSterling@Sterlingtech.com?"
''eah, that's me."
"Analyzing. Please wait," It lies down and closes its eyes.
Nancy watches it for a while, but it doesn't move again. She takes down the uni
cor, turns it on. 1t runs circles around her room, rearing and whinnying. Without
turg it off, she climbs into bed.
She wakes to the pressure of a paw on her cheek, a soft patting that holds the
threat of claws. "Good morning. It is time to prepare for school."
She puts on her glasses, groggily pressing the button above the lef lens to bring
up the HUD. It's five in the morning. School doesn't start until seven-thirty.
Everyone Will Wonl One 39
September 201 4
"It's early," she manages to say.
"1 will assist you." It pats her face again, and she sits up, slipping down from her
bed and away fom the reimager.
"I don't really need help," she says.
"1 will assist you." It follows her to the edge of the bed and leaps, claws out, tiny
needle points digging into the thin cotton of her pajama top. Ignoring her surprised
whimper, it climbs up t her shoulder, path marked by a series of tiny red splotches.
Nancy lets it accompany her to her closet, where it doesn't object to her school uni
form: gray slacks, a crisp, blue shirt, and a V-neck, black sweater. It's not until she's
out of the shower, braiding her fine dark hair into a fishbone. that it stops her.
"Not like that," it says.
"But-"
''Yes, I know, Dora Jefferson wears her hair in that style,"
''Not just her."
"1 have traced the trend. It began with Dora Jefferson. For you, a ponytail will be
adequate,"
Nancy does as she's told. The reimager also has an opinion about makeup. which
she isn't to wear; homework, which she's done incorrectly; and the bus, which she is
no longer permitted to ride. That, it explains, is why it woke her early. The walk will
be healthful.
It's two miles fom Nancy's house to the schooL On the way, the reimager coaches
her. It warns her against talking to it at school, where it is wishes to appear as just
another synth-pet. It's aware the school's wifi blockers will keep it fom texting her
once they get inside, and makes her promise to fetch it and bring it out with her dur
ing lunch. There's a list of people she's allowed t smile at. When she gets shoved in
the hall, she is not, uder any circumstances, to drop her books. She's not allowed to
cry either. That one's easy. She's gotten good at not crying.
Nancy's school is Thompson Middle, an exclusive, merit-based middle school with
a technical focus. It's the school her father went to but for him, it was different. He
actually passed the entrance exams. Nancy's entrance exam was a sizable donation
and a handshake. Everyone knows it. She misses grade school, where she could fade
into the clean, brightly lit hallways and imagine she didn't exist. Thompson is a mul
ti-storied brick building, with state of the art equipment and peeling paint. Her dad's
money bought the school a full software update and repaired the leak in room 34-C.
Like every moring, the students gather in companionable clumps on the lawn.
Many of them have synth-pets, which the student council recently voted t allow. The
teachers don't seem happy with the new rule, but they're the ones bragging about
student-centered leadership. The reimager, which sits on Nancy's shoulder, doesn't
look unusual. There's a second where she wonders if it might work, if someone will
tur and smile at her as they've never done before. But 00 one looks her way.
She hurries inside, not staring at her feet like she usually would, because the
reimager doeso't like that. One of the boys from her homeroom tries to trip her as
she climbs the stairs, but the reimager taps her neck with its tail and sends a warn
ing text. She gets inside without making a fool of herself and feels a wash of grati
tude toward her father.
After fetching her school tablet fom her locker, Nancy debates putting the reim
ager in her coat pocket. It'll get taken away if she's caught with it in class, but she
likes the idea of having it close. In the end she leaves it, and it doesn't seem to mind.
She makes it to lunch almost without incident. There's a point where the mathe
matics teacher asks her a question and everyone laughs at her fumbled answer, but
that's minor compared to what she's used to. The reimager is wating for her, its tail
wrapped around its feet, its eyes lighting her locker with a faint green glow. She sets
40 Kelly Sandoval
Asimov's
it carefully on her shoulder, where it purrs with imitation contentment. Together,
they head out onto the lawn, beyond the school's wifi blockers.
Even in spring, with the sod feshly laid, the grass is patchy and brown. The school
uses a green certified recycled drip system, but water is water. Nancy likes to sit
near the fence, where the desert presses against the grass, and the tickhsh smell of
sagebrush hangs on the air. But the reimager has other ideas, and they settle under
a timid stick of a tree, still supported by stakes on both sides.
They're close enough to where Lydia and her vicious, pretty clique sit that Nancy
can hear their laughter. She assumes it's about her. She recognizes Dora Jefferson at
the edge of the circle. Dora is a floater, welcome in a number of the tight little
cliques, and even Nancy likes her. She isn't mean, the way the others are. Instead
she doesn't seem to see Nancy at all, and invisibility has become the best thing Nan
cy dares to hope for.
Too nervous t eat her lunch, Nancy trows bits of pita into te grass and watches as
the little brown wrens that patrol the school yard debate over whether it's safe to stal
them. Unlike a true synth-pt, which would have pounced awkwardly at the birds, the
reimager seems more interested in exploring. It jumps from Nancys shoulder with a
stiff lack of grace and prowls toward the girls talking only five meters away.
She snatches for it, whispers, "No, get back here."
ADDRESSING ME AT SCIIOOL IS UNADVISED, it texts her. It doesn't stop.
The girls don't seem to notice it at first. Theyre all watching Lydia's synth-parrot,
whch has bright purple feathers and really flies. It repeats whatever they say, and
they are feeding it progressively dirtier words. Nancy can just hear it fom her tree.
"Cock," it says. "Cock, cock, cock."
The reimager reaches Cleo, whose straight, black hair and excellent test scores are
only half as memorable a her glare, which Nancy senses constantly. Cleo calls Nan
cy"Daddy's little retard" when Lydia isn't around to take offense. Lydia's little broth
er has issues, though no one seems to know what they are. Everyone says he's so
sweet, that Lydia is so good with him, a real saint. Lydia certainly looks the part
with her tired smiles and sad brown eyes. She calls Nancy "poor, stupid, rich girl,"
which feels the same as what Cleo says, in the end.
Nancy starts to get up. She has to grab it before they notice, before they realize
she's such a loser her dad had his company build a robot to fix her. But the reimager
is already at Cleo's knee. It bumps into her and falls over, twitching and giving off
little electric mews of pain. Cleo, who doesn't have a synth-pet, pokes it with her sty
lus, her lips twisting into a sneer.
"Whose trash?" she asks. Her gaze finds Nancys pained expression and she pokes
it again. "Oh, ew. Come get your reject, reject."
Eyes fixing firmly on her feet, Nancy stands. "Sorry." She can only mumble the
word.
"Don't be a bitch, Cleo."The way Dora says it, the words painted in laughter, every
one mirrors her smile. She picks up the reimager, and it twitches in her hands, still
making the same high, hurting noise. "Poor thing. It probably just needs t be reset."
She presses the base of the rei mager's skull and it stops moving.
Nancys surprised by her own relief, which lasts exactly as long as it takes for a
new text to flash across her lenses. Do NOT WORRY. SAY: THK YOU, DORA.
''Thank you, Dora." She lifs her head again, because she knows she's supposed to,
and tries not to notice the anger behind Cleo's fozen smirk.
''No problem. I love synth-pets. Haven't seen that one before." Dora has a rushed,
coltiding way of talking that matches the sparkles of her cheap bracelets and gum
ball machine rings. "Is it from a kit? Did you make it?"
"Of course she did," Cleo says. "Everyone knows she sucks at programming."
Everyone Will Wonl One 41
September 201 4
SAY: IT's TRUE, I'M NOT VERY GOOD.
Nancy can't force the words out. Her gaze fa11s to her shoes.
LooK UP. SMILE. SAY: IT's TRUE, I'M NOT VERY GOOD.
"It's true," says Nancy, though she doesn't smile. "'I'm not very good."
"Nah, programming's easy. I don't know anyone who can't learn it, right, Lydia?"
Dora says.
Lydia, lying on her back, synth-parrot on her fist, doesn't glance over. "Sure," she
says. And the parrot says, "Sure, sure, sure."
"See?" This is apparently as much support as Dora needs. ". tutored Lydia. I can
tutor you too, if you like. I've got an opening."
I HAVE AY CLEARED THE COST WITH YOUR "THER. SAY: THAT'D BE GREAT.
Nancy already has a tutor, and it hasn't helped. She makes herself nod. "That'd be
great," she says. "There's that test on Friday."
"No problem, we'l1 meet online tonight. Seven?"
"Sure."
"Cool, I'll message you." Dora turs back to her friends ad Nancy is glad for the
chance to get away.
She retreats to the fence, ignoring the reimager's objections, and looks out over the
desert, pretending she can't feel the continued weight of Cleo's hostile curiosity.
"I don't need a tutor," she whispers.
It stretches each limb, twitches it tail, and climbs back up to her shoulder. You
NEED DORA JEFFERSON. SHE H BECOME ASSOCIATED WITH THREE OF THE FrYE STUDENTS
SHE TAUGHT. THIS INCLUDES LYIA GRAVES.
Nancy waits online that night, sure Dora won't show. But, right at seven, Dora is
there, smiling. She's energetic but patient with Nancy's fumbling. When she teases,
it's gentle enough that they both laugh. They meet twice online, and on the Thurs
day before the test, Dora invites herself over. Nancy wars her father, who doesn't
care, then follows the reimager's script, putting the number for pizza by the phone
where she'll be sure to find it, and uncleaning her room.
''Wow,'' says Dora, as she walks in, and Nancy wonders what she sees. "Big. 1 mean,
that's not bad. Doesn't have to be. But it kinda feels like it's gonna bite you, doesn't
it? Something about open spaces. They've got teeth."
Nancy has no idea what any of that means, but she nods like she does, and they
retreat to her room, where Dora seems more comfortable.
They don't study much. They eat pizza and watch the internet videos that the
reimager picked out.
''You should bring this one to school," Dora says, a the unicor stumbles over her
shoes. "It's neat.
"It's a kid's toy," Nancy says, embarrassed by its flashing ruby mane and golden
hor.
''hey're all kid's toys. Even your kitten." Dora stretches out on her back and the
unicor begins to canter around her. "Besides, they can be fun to reprogram. You ever
t?
Nancy shakes her head and Dora seems to think that's enough of an invitation for
a lesson. She's outlining the basics and suggesting tutorials before Nancy can even
try to be disinterested. By the time Dora winds down, it actually does sound f. She
wants to say so, to ask questions, but the reimager isn't giving her any and she's
afraid to try one of her ow.
''We should hang out more." Dora says, concluding her lecture. "Not for studying, I
mean. Just to hang out. Of course, I like studying here. Your place is so quiet."
Nancy who hasn't forgotten that she's payig Dora for her time, shrugs. "I mea
it," says Dora. "Don't shrug at me, you'll hurt my feelings."
42 Kelly Sandoval
Asimov's
THT SOUNDS GREAT, prompts the reimager.
'That sounds great." Nancy finds another kitten video and starts it. "Just tell me
when."
Dora doesn't, hut that's all right. ancy doesn't expect her to.
She gets a B+ on the test, two full letter grades up from her last score. When Dora
hears, she hugs her, and insists on sitting with her at lunch. It's nice having someone
to talk to, and Dora doesn't seem to notice the way that Nancy pauses, waiting for
the reiager to feed her lines.
Two days later, Dora catches Nancy eating alone and drags her to Lydia's group,
ignoring the protests Nancy makes against the reimager's better judgment.
"Oh, come on," says Cleo.
'COon't worry." Dora mimes a kick in Cleo's direction. "They're mostly not bitches."
''I wouldn't say that; says Lydia. But she doesn't tell Nancy to go.
By the end of the next week, even Cleo talks to her.
You're right, you know," she says, catching Nancy cleaning up her locker at the
end of the day. "She can be."
Nancy touches her coat pocket, where the reimager sits. It twitches against her
fingers and she tries t tur the shape of that movement into words. "It's just how it
seems," she says, trying to match Cleo's smile.
"She thinks she's better than the rest of us. Bith."
It can only be Lydia. "Bitch," Nancy echoes, finding more anger behind the word
than she expects,
''Well, don't tell Lydia. Dora's totally got her fooled. Helps her watch that freak
brother of hers."
Nancy doesn't say anything. Not even when she feels the sharp puncture of her
reimager's teeth on her finger.
"Anyway," Cleo says, "See you at lunch."
"See you," Nancy turs back to her bag, reananging her folders alphabetically by
color. It's something to do.
On the walk home, she nUrses her bleeding finger, and the reimager refuses to
apologize for any of it.
"You can't just do that. You can't pretend to be me."
"It's my purpose. I moderate and control your network to better promote your suc-
cess."
"And that means sending Cleo nasty emaiJs about Dora?"
''Yes.''
'II Hke Dora! She's nice." Of course, that's the problem with her, Dora hasn't come
over since the first time. She's been very nice about not coming over, but it's not like
ancy hasn't noticed.
"Niceness is not socially efficient. Dora Jefferson is resented by a number of her
peers. She will be easy to sever from her prinary network."
"But we don't want that!"
"Every network has a point of maxmum expansion. To integrate new members,
previous members must be severed." The even, measured tones of the reimager are
as reasonable as they are infuriating. Nancy cups her hands around it, imagines
throwing it int the brush for the lizards and snakes. It rubs against her fingers, al
most like a reaJ synth-pet. She knows she won't do it.
"1 want you t leave her alone." She likes how she sounds, like she believes it'll lis
ten to her. "Pick someone else. Pick Cleo."
"Other targets are suboptimal. They will become negatively inclined toward your
success. Dora Jefferson wilJ remain neutral."
"Then just leave everyone alone. Leave me alone! I don't even like this," It's a little
Everyone Will Wonl One 43
September 201 4
true. She hates remembering her lines, faking smiles, skipping breakfast and only
pretending to eat dinner. But she likes how no one pushes her, and it's nice, not sit
ting alone.
"Canceling routines now would lead t negative responses across the network. You
would bcome an active target. Violence likely."
They've reached the house, and Nancy paces up and down the long curving drive
way, kicking the stones fom the landscaping back into place. She tries not to believe
the reimager. but flinches at the memory of old bruises.
Dora is smart, Nancy tells herselr. She doesn't need help the way Nancy does.
Doesn't need fiends the way Nancy does.
She doesn't tell the reimager to go afer Dora. She just heads into the house, pre
tending the argument never happened.
The reimager takes no more time than necessary. It sends messages, some from
ancy, some anonymous, some cleverly disguised as being from people who had nev
er written them. EventuaUy, a nasty letter comes to light and no one believes Dora
when she says she didn't write it.
"You don't actually believe rd say that, do you?" Dora catches Nancy a she's walk
ing home, running up beside her and reaching for her arm. Nancy pulls away, keep
ing a space between them.
''Who else could have?" Nancy asks, and she can almost pretend she doesn't know
the answer. "1 can't talk to you anymore."
Dora doesn't push it, and Nancy walks on without apologizing. The reimager purrs
in her ear, an approxmation of contentment.
With Dora gone, the group gets meaner, and Nancy worries she's traded one sort of
danger for another. It's Cleo that starts coming to her defense, making a pet of her.
ancy knows it's because of all the clever, nasty things the reimager writes, but she
lets it happen. She can sit on the edges, not even listening, parroting the rei mager's
texts, and everyone lets her be.
They still say things about her, in texts and private messages, but the reimager
traces those too, reads them back to her at night, so that she knows who to smile at
the next morning. She stops leaving it in her locker. keeps it in her coat pocket,
reaching for it during class and trying to turn the twitch of an ear or the sharp point
of a claw into meaning.
It tells her she's happier than she's ever been, and shows her the numbers t prove
it. Sometimes, she feels so nervous her stomach knots, and it turs out that's a good
thing. The reimager keeps a running tally of everything she eats, and if she goes over
the number of calories it aHows her, she has to spend the next day fasting. Hunger
fuzzes the edges of her thoughts, but the reimager never lets her score below a 90 on
her homework, so it doesn't really matter whether the problems lose what little
sense they temporarily gained.
Even so, she misses Dora, who could turn a string of numbers into reason. Dora
doesn't seem to miss anyone. She floated easily into a new group, and if she notices
the way Lydia and her clique glare, she doesn't let it show. She still smiles at them,
though she doesn't try t stop and talk. Nancy hears her laughing sometimes, an ea
ger, open sound, and wonders what that feels like. The reimager has her practice
laughing but never seems pleased with the results.
At night, it curls up on her pillow and reads her the statistics of her own popular
ity, the soft drone of its uninflected voice lulling her to sleep.
Occasionally her father tel1s her to download updates, but the reimager never
changes much. He quizzes her about its performance, and she tells h it's great, she
loves it. It's what it tells her to say.
On the moring after an update, she rolls over to stroke it and it doesn't rise to
44 Kelly Sandoval
Asimov's
meet her hand. It sits on her pillow, still ad stif, failing to pretend at life. Its eyes
are open, glowing green, but it doesn't track her finger.
''What's wrong?"
"Processing," it says, a thin thread of sound. It repeats the word again a few sec
onds later, and then again.
Nancy waits, not leaving her bed. She's afaid to get dressed. What i she's supposed
to wear slacks and she picks a skirt? She's not supposed to get ready on her own.
"Wake up." She shakes it this time.
It continues its chant, not even scolding her for the tears running down her face.
"C'mon," she whispers. "C'mon. I need you."
She doesn't go to school. She cleans her room, reorganizes her closet. She goes
through the fridge and throws out everything the reimager has told her not to eat.
She wants to check the internet, see what's being said about her. But the reimager
has told her she's not to do anything social unaccompanied.
She calls her dad at work, and when he doesn't answer, calls again and again and
again.
"What is it?" he snaps, picking up the phone on her fifth attempt. "You're supposed
to be at school."
"The reimager. It's broken. You have to fix it."
"You broke it?"
''No.'' She holds it curled against her chest, waiting for it to whisper the words that
will let her explain. "ltjust keeps saying processing. You have to fix it."
"Don't be hysterical," he growls. She cringes, folding in on herself, a posture that
the reimager would hate. "It must be the update. It worked fine on the newer test
models here. Well, I guess that proves what we were saying about the new processor.
Wit the amount of data these things handle-"
"Dad," she says, daring to interrupt. "I need it."
"Don't you think you've outgrown it?"
She shakes her head. It doesn't occur to her that he can't see her.
''Fine." The word holds more disgust than agreement. "You do seem to be acting out
less. I'll see about getting you another, but it will take a few weeks. The new models
aren't ready."
"I can't wait."
"Dammit, Nancy. I am at work. l don't have time t listen to you throw a fit. You're
lucky I gave you that one."
He hangs up.
She peels back the fur by its neck, thinking to restart it. She's worried it might
hurt it somehow, to restart right in the middle of whatever it's doing. But when she
finally finds the courage to hold down the button until its eyes flash and fade, it
doesn't help. It wakes, takes a single step, then freezes again.
"Processing."
Frustrated, she tugs at the patch of fr. It peels further, revealing a slim port. She
finds a corresponding cord and connects the reimager to her computer, thiking of
Dora's lesson on reprogramming synth-pets. She remembers none of it, and the reim
ager remains still.
Nancy refuses to leave her room for dinner. Without the reimager to count, she
doesn't know how much to eat. She spends the night with her head buried under her
piUow, trying not to hear the reimager repeat itself endlessly. It's still fozen the next
morning and she knows she can't go to schooL When her dad tries to drag her from
bed, she vomits thin liquid on his shoes. Ater the screaming, he's willing to accept
that she's sick. None of her fiends call her. Maybe they leave her messages online,
but she doesn't check. If the reimager were awake it wouldn't read her the messages
Everyone Will Wonl One 45
September 201 4
they sent her. It would read her the ones they sent t each other, the nasty rwuors
they were starting.
She waits until just before the end of schol before calling Dora. She's already thrown
clean clotes on the bedroom floor and ordered pizza. It's the reimagers pattern, hut
she knows it would be unhappy about Dora. She doesn't know what else t do.
She waits in the closet, curled up with the reimager beside hel, The doorbell rings
twice before she hears it. She hurries to answer, ashamed of her hope
.
The pizza guy
has to come. It won't be Dora.
But it is.
"Look, Nancy, what's this about? You can't just cryan my voicemail and expect me
to come running," Dora says, her expression a tight line that melts into concer.
"Nancy? Are you okay?"
She shakes her head, her tongue caught tight between her teeth. She's not sup
posed to talk to Dora.
Dora grabs her by the arm, shakes he .
.
gently, "Nancy. Talk to me. Tell me what's
wrong. Did Cleo do something? What happened?"
Nancy likes orders. They're so easy to understand. "The reimager, it's broken. T
don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do. I thought maybe you would know
how to make it better again."
Keeping one hand on her arm, Dora leads her to the living room, and Nancy crum-
ples onto the couch, its leather crisp with lack of use.
'What's a reimager?"
Nancy holds it out to her, hardly hearing its unending refain, and Dora takes it.
"Your synth-pet?"
''Reimager.''
''Tell me what that means."
Nancy tells her everything. How it takes care of her. How it knows what she
should say. How it cut her into Lydia's group and cut Dora away The pizza arrives,
and Dora gets plates and cups and serves them both.
''You c eat," says Dora. Nancy is hungry enough to pretnd she doesn't know bettr.
"You want me to fix it?" Dora asks, afer the last stuttering words have torn them
selves from Nancy in an unscripted mess.
Nancy's on her third slice of pizza, full to the point of sickness. Greasy fingerprints
spot the white coach. She wonders who will be angrier, the reimager or her father.
She thinks the reimager. It has worked so much harder on her.
"I need it," she says.
" Look, Nancy. I think the nicest thing I could do is leave it broken. But I don't
know that I like you that much."
''You never did."
Dora laughs, a harsher sound than Nancy has known. "Well, I liked you enough to
stop them picking on you. It's better than you did for me."
"You like everyone that much, though. I liked you for reaL"
' didn't know you for real. I only knew your stupid toy."
"You only ever noticed me because of it."
Dora prods the reimager, which sits between them now. "You could have done that
for y
use)f, just by saying h." But she doesn't sound sure, so Nancy doesn't bother
argumg.
"You know they'll hate me again," she says.
"It's not so bad. You can find other friends." She rests her fingers on Nancy's wrist,
leaving a pizza sauce thumbprint. "1 can be your friend."
Nancy's laughter has more than an edge of hysteria and after a second, Dora
starts laughing too.
46 Kelly Sandoval
Asimov's
"For real," Dora says. "I like this you."
"1 don't." Nancy picks up the reimager and pushes it into Dora's hands. "Don't like
me. Fx it."
"Let me finish my pizza."
After pizza, they clean the living room together. Then there's nothing lett to do but
go to Nancy's room. Dora sits in front of the computer, plugs in the reimager, and
starts typing. Nancy sits at her feet. Watching, she can almost remember the things
Dora tried to teach her.
It doesn't take a long as Nancy expects.
"All right." Dora turs from the computer and unplugs the reimager. "That'll fix it
for awhile. But I had to reset it completely. It's blank. No updates, no information on
anyone. Just the basic programming."
''What do I do?"
"Whatever it says, apparently. No. That's mean. Look, it's up to you. You start it
running like it was before, it'll be back to normal in a day and you can start feeding
everyone poison again. It should last until your dad ca get you a newer one."
The reimager is silent now. Its eyes glow but there's nothing behind them. It could
be any synth-pet. Nancy squeezes its paw and presses the needles of its claws
against her skin.
"Statistically," she says, "I'm as happy as I've ever been."
''eah. I don't think it knows what happy means. It'll happy you right into a psych
hospital at this rate."
Before the reimager, aney's dreams were full of razors. Now, she doesn't dream
at all. "It's doing its best," she says. "At least I'm not getting shoved down the stairs."
"Look," Dora says, not meeting Nancy's eyes. "I know it's hard. But if you can twist
yourself into one shape, why not another? You can change without tung into Cleo."
"So, what, I should be youT'
"Sure, as long as you're the one doing it. You've been letting a robot program you."
"It knows the rules."
''Rules change. We change them. We're doing it now. You're talking to me. I'm not
hating you." Dora says the last like it's a compliment. Nancy thinks maybe it is.
"I still need it," she says, shame making her mumble.
''Fine,'' Dora says. "You want your monster, it learns fast. Plug it back into your
networks. It'll figure out those rules again."
After Dora leaves, Nancy sits with the dormant reimager on her lap. Her finger
strokes the power button. It's blank, Dora told her. Wiped clean. Waiting to relearn
the rules.
She presses the button. It stretches in her hand, still beautifl and not quite grace-
ful.
"I'm Nancy," she says.
"Signal found," it answers. "Password needed."
"Not yet," she says. "Do you remember me?"
"No N aney in records."
''You like me," she says. ''You don't think I'm dumb, even though 1 need to study
harder. You like people, and think we need to be nicer to each other."
"Analyzing," it says.
"You tell me stories every night. My best friend's name is Dora. But I'm going to
make others."
She hears the front door open and cringes at the sound of her father's irritated
voice, calling her name.
"Sometimes," she says, "I'm scared. But we get through it. We're going to be all
right." 0
Everyone Will Wonl One 47
51[UTI NG
REP[RT
Rick Wi lber
Rick Wilber is the editor of the anthology. Field of Fantasies:
Baseball Tales of the Strange and Superatural. which will
be out in October from Night Shade. The book features
reprints of classic baseball fantasy stories from some of the
best mainstream and SF writers. The author's new tale about
a troubled baseball scout and an intriguing stranger seems
to be a perfect candidate for the collection.
Hobert Johnson had a newspaper and a freshly mixed mojito in front of him and
he was enjoying them both. The mojito, his third of the evening. was rumheavy and
cold and delicious. The newspaper, El Vocero, had a sports story about last night's fi
nal ballgame of the season for the Islanders, and went into great detail about the
towering walkoffhome run that Aloysius Stevens-Arce had hit to win the game and
the Double-A pennant for the I's. No need for a fourth game in the best-of-five.
Robert had been there and been impressed by the Stevens-Arce kid, who'd done it
again like he'd done it all season. A soon as Robert had gotten back to the hotel he'd
written up the game notes. This moring he'd put it aU together and sent in his rec
ommendations.
La Bodeguita in Old San Juan on a warm September evening was turning out to
be exactly the right place for Robert to celebrate his job well done. He'd emailed the
recommendations about ten A.M. to Teddy Driscoll, the farm director for the Peli
cans, and a few hours later he'd received an email back from Driscoll saying good
things about the report and asking Robert to come to St. Pete for a meeting about
his future with the club. That kind of news deserved a mojito or three; so Robert was
taking the day ofT, walking around to see the sights before tomorrow morning's
flight home to St. Pete.
La Bodeguita wasn't air conditioned, but there was a nice breeze coming in olTthe
water and the faded green shutters and louvers were all wide open to welcome the
cooler air, so the heat wasn't too bad. Plus, the long summer of scouting at minor
league games in ballparks all over the steamy South and here in Puerto Rico had
gotten Robert used to the warmth. He could take it. In fact, at the moment he felt
like he could take about anything baseball was dishing out, what with the future fi
nally looking as bright as that glint of the setting sun off the cobalt sea.
He was alone at a table by the window. Outside, the cobblestoned streets,
wrought-iron balconies, and cool pastel colors of the old quarter headed off to the left
on Calle Coqui. To the right was a low railing and beyond that the wharves and sea
walls and the beauty orthe open Atlantic, distant breakers over the reef line adding
48
Asimov's
a low background susurrus to the chatter of the street vendors as they bargained
with the turistas and locals who strolled along the narrow sidewalks.
It was damn beautifl is what it was: the muted pinks and oranges of the stuccoed
two-story buildings, the smell of the mofongo cooking over a dozen stoves in nearby
homes and cafetines, the cold bite of the mojito, the rhythm and harmony of the
Spanish rattling alaround h. He liked Puerto Rico, did Robert Johnson, he liked it
a lot. Hell, he was even putting his high-school Spanish to work reading the local pa
pers and picking up a little conversational phrase here and there. He was thinking
now, sipping again on that mojito, that he should come here sometime soon for a Jit
tie vacation, a little getaway; maybe spend some time with mojitos on the beach in
stead of at the rattletrap-charming, sure, but rattletrap-ballpark, Estadio Hiram
8itholO, the name honoring the first Puerto Rican t play in the big leagues.
There'd been a lot of others since, hundreds of them, a lot of them big stars like Vic
Power and Carlos Beltran and Roberto Alomar and Orlando Cepeda and the biggest
star of them all, Robert Clemente.
And now Robert Johnson, failed pitcher and failed coach who'd finally found his
place in the game as a scout, was convinced that he'd found the next Clemente, the
next Big Thing, the next phenom fom Puerto Rico; Aloysius Stevens-Arceo he of the
great swing and the golden glove and the amazing arm. Nineteen years old but
ready now, ready right now, is what Robert had said in that wrap-up he'd sent to Ted
dy Driscoll. Aloysius didn't need any more Double-A ball playing for the San Juan
Islanders or even the Pel's Triple-A club in Buffalo. Aloysius was ready for the Show
right now.
Robert sat back in his chair, sipped on what was left of that third mojito, and
turned the paper over to look at the front page. "lDONDE ESTAN?" the big headline
screamed across the top of the front page, with the rest of ti,e page taken up by that
famous color pic from the day the aliens crash-landed in a corfield in Illinois ten
years back. Fifty of them; thin, gawky things all spindly arms and legs. Tall, some
with that blond hair famously trailing down their backs, others bald. All of them
somehow surviving the crash that destroyed their spacecraf. All of them standing
there, patient, waiting, until the authorities showed up to meet them. First contact,
the initial videos and stills taken by a twelve-year-old who'd been riding his bicycle
down a farm road when there'd come a huge explosion ahead of h, smack in the
middle of the sweet-corn field that was stubble after the harvest just a week before.
The kid, Matt Weaver, son of Joseph and Angela Weaver of Hamel, Illinois, older
brother to the extremely obnoxious nine-year-old Arielle Weaver, had a smartphone
and a Kidz account and so before the Feds could arrive, young Matt had shown the
world what aliens look like and there was no taking that back.
The kid was famous for that, and Robert wondered, looking at the cover photo and
working his way through the story, what Matt was doing these days. He'd be twenty
two by now, done with high school and college and making his way in the world. Was
he back on the farm in Hamel, Illinois? Was he still a local hero? He'd been an inter
national sensation for a month or two and then he'd disappeared from the news,
right along with the interest in the aliens. A a kid, he had posted the video, so there
was no denying that fifty gawky visitors fom somewhere else had been standing in
that field. But afer that it all got hazy.
Little Mattie got to visit Scott Air Force Base, just thirty miles away, and that's
where the aliens went, too, before they disappeared into the bowels of a worried Air
Force. And what happened afer that? Mattie came home, the government said the
visitors were friendly and that afer all the safety concers were met they'd be free to
do whatever aliens did when they had crash-landed on a half-civilized planet. The
world waitd, and then waited some more, and then came an earthquake in China
Scouling Reporl 49
September 201 4
and Hurricane Tracy's epic destruction of the Gulf Coast and all the news that's fit
to print and nothing more about the aliens and what they were and where they
were.
Robert shook his head. They were all probably dead. Or in some huge cave in
Nevada, being forced to share the secrets of the universe. Or something. There was
no way to hide them if they were out in public, aU those seven-footers with funny el
bows and knees and those triangular faces and that odd stride. No, they were locked
up somewhere, or hiding out on their own.
He turned back to the sports page and read some more about Aloysius Stevens
Arce. There were some nice quotes in the interview the sportswriter had done with
the kid afer that final game of the season. Hejust wanted to play ball, that's all. He
just hoped to keep moving up through the farm system. He understood he wasn't
ready yet for the big club, but he hoped to be at the next level soon. Step by step, he
said, "Paso a paso."
"Paso a paso," mumbled Robert, echoing the sentiment. His glass was empty and
he was thinking that called for another mojito when a hand holding exactly that
came down from over his shoulder and set the drink in front of him and when he
looked up a woman was there.
l'May I join you?" she asked as she pulled out the chair that was next t him and
sat down. She was carrying her own mojito, and she leaned over and clinked hers to
his new one and said, "Chin chin, Mr. Johnson," and gave him a little nod of her head
and a long, slow wink.
"Do I know you?" he asked. She was medium height, medium build, light brown
hair, a pleasant face, wearing brown shorts and a v-neck pastel T-shirt that said "Is
landers" in script across the font. A baseball fan, then. And about as nondescript as
they come. He might have seen her a dozen times, a hundred times, at the ballpark
and he wouldn't have noticed her.
lCes," she said, "e've chatted a few times at the Islanders games. In passing, you
know; harmless talk about the team and the players. Like you, I love baseball." She
was speaking English, and unaccented, like she was from the Midwest maybe, or
worked in radio or television and had learned how to flatten out her inflections. He
didn't recall the conversations she was talking abut, but then a lot of people stopped
by from time to time to say hello to him. Very friendly, these Puerto Ricans.
She reached out her hand to shake his. He took it and they shook politely. Her grip
was sof. "My name is Escuela."
"School?"
She nodded. "Yes, it's a long story. I was born in a Puerto Rican school building, in
Fajardo."
He reached over to get the mojito. "This for me?" he asked, and then took a sip.
Good stuf.
"Yes," she said, "that's for you, :. Johnson. And mayb we'll have another one, too?
Vou know the mojito is a Cuban drink, yes?"
"Sure," he said, "Cuban."
"And that this bar, La Bodeguita, is named after the one in Cuba, yes? The one that
Hemingway liked so much."
"Sure," he said, "Hemingway. And I bet he liked mojitos, t, right?"
"Yes, he did," she said, smiling. "Can I lure you with rojitos so we can talk base
ball, and talk about Aloysius Stevens-Arce?"
Robert laughed, took another sip, set the drink down. ''You don't need to ply me
with liquor to get me to talk about that kid, Escuela. He's a hell of a player."
She leaned over, pushed his mojito a little closer to h, said, "He's very talented.
But you've noticed, I think, that he's a little wall shy."
50 Rick Wilber
Asimov's
He smiled. The mojito, he thought, was a very attractive drink. Slices oflime; some
mint leaves; club soda; ice; two or three ounces of nice, light rum, Appleton if they
had it, but anything would do. Refreshing in the heat. He took a sip. Nice. He sat
back. So that's what this was about. An "expert" from the stands wanted to get him
drunk and then explain baseball to the dumb 01' scout from Florida.
"I like these mojitos," he said, holding up the drink and smiling. "Nice and cool, the
mint and the lime."
She smiled at him.
"Look, he's a terrific centerfielder, Escuela. He's got a great arm, he covers a lot of
territory out there, has a great glove, good footspeed. He has all the tools."
"His vision is twentytwenty, M. Johnson. Do you know how poor that is for a pro
fessional baseball player?"
Robert stared at her. "Twentyhventy vision is fine, Escuela."
She was catching the bartender's eye, got him and signaled for more rojitos. "The
average in the major leagues is twentythirteen, M. Johnson. And the best center
fielders, the great ones, have twentynine or even twentyeight vision. That's at the
physical limit of your human eye."
"I've been watching him all season, Escuela; seems t me he's of and running at
the sound of the ball off the bat."
She nodded. "Exactly." The bartender was coming around the bar with two more
mojitos. She waited for him to get to them, set them on the table, smile, and head
back to the bar. "The thing is, Mr. Johnson, hearing that sound takes a fraction of a
second more . "
"Look," he interrupted. He'd met fans like her before. Knowitalls full ofstats and
videos and charts and graphs and convinced they had the infonnation that would
change everything for a player, or a team, or, perhaps, a scout. She'd been following
him around, waiting for this moment so she could pitch her idea to him, some grand
scheme that would make the kid better i only someone would listen. But there was
no use getting mad over it, this sort of thing came with the job. Hell, people like her
paid the feight for the whole damn game. Her with her stats and her twentyeight
vision and all that crap; her and her fiends online arguing and watching videos and
going to the ballpark and caring-really caring-about the game is what paid the
bills for the whole system. Including, he thought through a slightly foggy mojito
haze, his salary. Play nice, he said to himself.
He finished of the mojito while she waved for another, one finger up since hers
was still full. ''Thing is," he said, "I really appreciate you information, Escuela, and
I'll pass it on to the farm director, all right? Maybe they can get him LASIK eye
surgery or something, help improve that eyesight."
"And that's why he's wall shy, Mr. Johnson. That late start." She was waving at the
bartender and got a nod in retur. Keep them coming. "Here, let me show you," she
said, opening her purse and pulling out her phone. "I have it all ready to go. Just
watch." She touched the screen and handed him the phone.
He took it from her and there, on the tiny screen, was a highlight reel of Aloysius
Stevens-Arce making deep catches in center. The quality of the footage was damn
good, so Rbert wondered if she'd taken these with the smartphone. He watched as a
pitcher came in with a fastball and the hitter-number fortytwo in a Mobile Bay
Bears uniform, so that was Jorge Rodriguez-ripped it to left center, the ball carry
ing and going deep.
Aloysius StevensArce in center looked to Robert like he was moving pretty good,
damn it, but maybe,just maybe, there was a moment's hesitation. But no matter, he
was turning and at full speed in two or three steps-man, the kid could accelerate
heading away from the infield at full speed, turing his head back once to keep an
Scouling Reporl 51
September 201 4
eye on the baU, finding it, keeping that head turned and running hard, running
hard . . ."
Escuela reached over and hit the pause button. "Now watch. As he gets another
step or two toward the wall he eases up, that's all it takes,just a litle easing up, and
then he won't quite get t the ball and won't have to deal with that wall. The ball will
bounce of the wall, halfay up, and come back to hit the warng track. Aloysius will
catch that cleanly afer one hop and will turn and throw to second. Too late. It's a
standup double for Rodriguez."
She reached over to touch the start button and the video began again and, damn
it, there was that easing hack a couple of steps later. It was subtle, a slight easing
that Robert would never have noticed if she hadn't prompted him; but there it was.
He'd never have seen it from the stands. Aloysius could have made it to the wall,
could have made the catch though he'd have had to make some contact with that
wall to do it. Could have. Should have.
"Shit/' he said. "'How many videos like this do you have?"
"Four more. Alseason long it's been a problem for him. It starts with his eyesight, I
think, when he gets a poor jump on te ball, and then it gets in his head fom there."
''What do you do for a living, Escuela? You're a reporter, right? Loking for a story?"
llI'm a lawyer, Mr. Johnson. For Seruicios Legales. Legal Services, you know?"
So maybe that was it, she's a do-gooder, he thought. Hell, that was better than be
ing some sportswriter. So, "What's that got to do with baseball?" he asked her.
She smiled. "Not too much. But my father, my brothers, they all played. They had
dreams, you kow? But it didn't work out forthem. Talent, maybe yes; but not the drive."
Yeah, Robert thought, he knew all about that. He could even admit it to himself
when he'd had enough to drink.
"Me, too," she added. "1 played, 1 had my dreams. 1 could out hit all the boys. Out
run them. Had a better arm. And then in high school they made me stop, told me to
play soccer, or run track or cross-country with all my speed and endurance. They'd
pat me on the back and then kick me out the door."
She took a small sip of her mojit. "That didn't sound good to me, it wasn't what I
wanted. But, you know," she shrugged. "'So I had good grades. I went to college. I
studied. I worked hard. Some bad times, some very bad times came my way; but
then, a couple of years ago, things got better and I'm okay. I'm good, in fact."
She smiled at him. "Always, through the bad times and the good ones, there's been
beisb6l, Mr. Johnson. Always. I know the game. I know it even better than I know
how to help people when they get into trouble, you know? And now here I am."
All right, all right. She's smart, and has an idea of how the game is played. Fine.
Treat her with respect, man. "Does Aloysius know he's easing up like that, do you
think?"
She shrugged. "Maybe not. Maybe it's so ingrained, so deep, that he doesn't control
it. Could be."
"But ifhis eyesight is so bad how come he's hitting .335 with all those dingers?"
She smiled. "Because it's Double-A and he hasn't faced the real thing yet. He is pa
tient, so in Double-A he waits for his pitch and usually, two or three times a game, he
gets it. In the zone, up, inside so he can get around on it even with that late start to
his swing, and there you go, .335 for the season."
Jesus Christ, Robert thought, this poor-man's-lawyer of a woman might be right.
She was smiling, finally taking a long sip on her mojito. Smiling, while Robert puz
zled through the implications, thinking of that recommendation he'd just sent to Ted
dy Driscoll. Shit.
Somehow there was another mojito in font or him, and a smiling bartender. Thing
was, he needed to sober up now, get a grip.
52 Rick Wilber
Asimov's
The lawyer woman, Escuela, was smiling at him, then leaning over to grab the news
paper, El Vocero, turing to te front page, looking at the picture of those aliens. "What
do you think of these aliens, Mr. Johnson? Do you think they are still alive somewhere?"
"I don't know," he said. "And if I did know I wouldn't know." He stared down at his
mojito. Was this the third? The fifth? More than that? "J mean, maybe after they
crashed they got picked up by some mother ship and went home?"
"I don't think so; she said. "I think they came here for freedom. I think that ship of
theirs did't crash, it was destroyed by the aliens so no one could find them here, so
the commitment was total. Fletcher Christian, you know, burning the Bounty at Pit
cair Island. You know that story?"
"Sure," he said, lying. Some fuzzy memory of the movie was in the back of his
mind, but aU he could remember was Bligh saying "Mr. Christian!" all the time. They
bured the Bount? Their own ship? What the hell?
"I think they just wanted a new hore, someplace better-a whole lot better-than
the place they were fom."
"Illegal immigrants," Robert managed to say, and also managed to find funny, and
then thought maybe it wasn't funny. maybe it was ofensive. Maybe he'd hurt her
feelings. And she was a lawyer. Oh, god. Amazing thing. really, how you can be very,
very drunk but there's still some part of you, some essential self down at the core
somewhere, that's sober and notices that the rest of you is getting monumentally
tanked and saying stupid things. "Sorry," he added.
But she hadn't even heard him. "I thin they escaped from wherever they were be
ing held, or maybe they made some agreements, traded some technology or some
knowledge, and they wound up with their freedom and away they went, by ones and
twos and threes, out into this world, making their way, trying to be happy, trying to
be safe and fee, maybe staying in touch through that local kid who took their pic
ture. Maybe helping him out."
Real nice. Robert wasn't that drunk. He reached over and tapped the picture on
the font of el peri6dico. "Kinda stand out a little, don't they? All tall and thin like
that, that crazy hair, the funny elbows?"
She took a long drink of her mojito, finishing it of and signaling to the bartender
for another round. Then she pushed Robrt's toward him. He got his hand around it,
brought it up, drank it down, a mint leaf getting caught in his teeth for a moment
until he pulled it out and laughed.
She smiled, reached over to pat his hand. "I don't think that matters, Mr. Johnson,"
she said. "I don't think they're in those bodies anymore; maybe theyve stored them
somewhere. I think they have a need to maybe take over the bodies of certain kinds
of creatures and control them, even improve them. Maybe that allows them to stay
on thi s planet they came to? Maybe it's survival for them? And in return they give
the hosts better hearing and sharper minds, better eyesight. Things like that. Im
prove them, you know?"
She leaned in toward him. "This all makes sense to me. The aliens do this to blend
in and to stay alive; and then they find things they like, things they admire in the
culture, things that fascinate them: politics, science, even sports, you know? And they
take control of a body for a whle to explore those things, to lear, to make things bet
ter. Then they have to leave the body before they do harm, and so they go find a new
one. They like to help. I think this explains things. What do you think?"
He was staring at her.
''What do you think?" she asked again, sitting back to make it easier for the bar
tender to set the drinks down. "It must be hard for them to find just the right body,
the right person to help_ Sometimes that person has a problem that interests them,
something medical perhaps or maybe a problem with drinking, or with drugs. So
Scouling Reporl 53
September 201 4
they help. And I bet that person is happy to be helped. Don't you think they would
be? What do you think? Wouldn't you?"
'1 think I need some fesh air," he said, taking a long drink of the new mojito and sit
ting down and then pushing back his chair and standing, unsteady. "I'm going to go
outside for a few minutes. That okay?" He wasn't sure why he was asking permission.
"Absolutely. Mr. Johnson," she said, rising herself, opening her purse and pulling
out a couple or twenty-dollar bills. She set them on the table, picked up her mojito
and drained it. "Come on, then, we'll go for a little walk, you and me, down by the wa
ter. There's a path there, goes past the wharf and through the mangroves to a little
cove where two paths cross. It's very quiet there. Peaceful. Come on, we can talk."
And she nodded her head; and gave him that long, slow wink as she reached to
take his hand and lead him along, out through the door, down Calle Coqui to the
path toward the beach, and the mangroves, and the cove. Robert Johnson, baseball
scout, drunk and stumbling, went along happily enough.
Below, the blue Atlantic, with Grand Bahama sliding by in the distance. T the lef,
Aloysius Stevens-Arce, aka the phenom, chattering away in SpangLish while Robert
tried to focus through the slowly fading haze of a monumental hangover. Two rows
behind them, in the first row of the economy seats, was Escuela fom the night be
fore. Ahead, Tampa Interational and a limousine that would meet the flight and get
Aloysius and Robert to the Trop for tonight's game with the Orioles, where the phe
nom would be starting i center and hitting fifth, and where Robert Johnson, the
brilliant young scout who claimed the phenom was ready, would be sitting right be
hind the dugout with the vice president for operations and the farm director: all of
them there to watch the phenom be a star, please, and save the day for the Pelicans,
whose regular centerfielder had scored on a play at the plate i the third inning last
night and separated a shoulder in the process.
The phone call had come about eight P.M.,just afer dark, with Robert fumbling to
answer the cell while sitting in the sand in that cove, drunk, with Escuela. It was
Teddy Driscoll, calling from the ballpark, saying bring that kid up here. He's in cen
terfield tomorrow night. I hope he's as good as you say. See you soon.
Escuela had been looking at him as he promised Driscoll that the kid was defi
nitely that good and then tapped the red button on the screen to end the call. "Aloy
sius?" she wanted to know.
''Yeah," Robert had said. "His big chance, tomorrow night against the Orioles."
'Wow," she'd said, and sat back onto the sand, her hands out to support her, facing
the sea, but turing to talk to Robert. "So you'll b taking him up there, I suppose?"
''Yes," he'd said.
She'd nodded. "Okay," she'd said. "His big chance. That's great ror him. And ror you,
right?"
"Yeah," he'd said. "For me, t. Sure." But what if she was right about the kid, he'd
thought? Good Christ, what ir she was right?
Robert looked back out the window and took another sip or the Bloody Mary. A cou
ple or these and a lot oribuproren had knocked back the hangover to the point where
it was bearable. Before the phone call fom Driscoll the woman, Escuela, had been
having an odd conversation, something fom her about baseball and freedom and
rules and endless foul lines. "Mr. Johnson," she'd said, "did you ever think of what
you could have been? A coach, perhaps, i the big leagues? A manager, even?"
Had he ever thought about that? Hell. Sure. The missed opportunities. The times
he'd screwed things up. The drinking. Too often, the women. No damn self-control, no
focus, no drive; and he knew it and now here he was, tanked. Again. He took a deep
breath. Shook his head.
54 Rick Wilber
Asimov's
''But what a beautifu thing is baseball, yes?" she said. "Timeless. A whole lifetme of
chances to fail or succed collapsed into a fewhours, and then again and again, day afer
day. It's wonderful, yes? It's no wonder that people fall in love with it. Isn't that right?"
It was a beautiful thing, baseball. So beautiful that here he was, scouting in the
minor leagues. A disappointment. Maybe, hell, a failure. But still in the game.
"If you want," she'd said, "I can help you. I can give you the things that are missing
from your life. You know that, yes?"
He did know it. He'd nodded, yes, and she'd reached out to touch his hair, put her
hand at the back of his neck, spoken softly to him about that better future, about
finding himself in the game, leaned in maybe to kiss him even as he thought about
what she'd said. Back in the dugout again, back in the bigs for real. And then the
phone had chimed take me out to the ballgame. Peanuts and popcor. And he'd an
swered the call fom Driscoll.
Now, at thirtyeight thousand feet over the Gulf Stream, he supposed it had all
been pretty damn silly, right up to the moment when he answered that call and it
was Driscoll talking to h about the phenom, telling him that he'd already called
Aoysius and the traveling secretary had arranged for the firstcJass tickets, so all
Robert had to do was struggle out of bed at five A.M., shave and shower and pack,
and get in the rental car to pick up Aloysius and get them both to the airport. Which
he'd done, with a good half-hour to spare once they got to the gate.
It was there, at the gate when they all got in line to board, that Robert saw Es
cuela. She smiled at him, and gave him that nod and the big wink, and said good
morning as she walked by h on the way t her seat. That was an hour-and two
Bloody Marys-ago.
"I'm starting for the Pelicans. No Lo puedo creer-I can't believe it," Aloysius was say
ing for the thirtieth or fortieth time. "T is it, this is really it." And he downed his
Coke. It was the fourth or fifth one he'd had, along with handfuls of things from the
snack basket the flight attendant kept bringing by: chips, peanuts, Oreos, and repeat.
"Get some rest, kid, all right," Robert said to him for the thirtieth or fortieth time.
"Descansa. You got a long day ahead of you, and a little nap for the next hour
wouldn't be a bad idea, you know."
He was a nice kid. A little fll of himself, but who wouldn't be? This was it, the fu
ture staring him in the face. The Big Day. The Big Leagues. He looked at Robert and
grinned. "Yeah, I know, Robert, I know. Estoy emocionado, you know? I'm just a little
wired, that's all."
Robert nodded. "Sure, of course you are. But you do need some rest. Now's a good
time for that."
''Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, as the flight attendant came by and took his empty
glass, the empty wrappers, the napkins off his tray table, and then gave him a warm
smile. She knew who he was, so she was a baseball fan. Nice. She'd come by with
something for the kid to autograph later, probably.
Aloysius pushed his tray up, locked it into the seat in front, then eased out of the
seat to stand up. "Necesito ir aL baio, you know? Demasiadas Coca Colas, yes?"
"Sure, kid. You need the bathroom. I wonder why?" But he smiled as he said that.
It was kind of fn, really, seeing how excited the kid was. Ater they landed he'd be
playing it cool, of course, walking into that big, domed ballpark all calm and confi
dent, meeting the other players, sitting down at his locker. All of that stuf, cool and
collected. But here, in the plane on the way to the big day, he was allowed to drink
too much Coke and talk too much. No problem.
Robert watched the kid walk up the aisle to the lavatory. A little over six feet tall,
thin as a rail but plenty of muscle i that upper body. He looked like a ballplayer. He
looked, in fact, like a great ballplayer.
Scouting Report 55
September 201 4
Of course there was that vision thing. Damn, what if Escuela was right? What if
the kid's eyesight was a problem? What ifhe really was wall shy? What ifhe couldn't
hit a big-league fastball? Jesus-and not as in Jesus Colon-there'd be hell to pay.
Robert loved the game, truly loved it; but he hadn't been able to hack it as a ballplay
er and he'd been pretty terrible, to be honest, as a coach, so he'd been happy to find a
little success as a scout. That was something, an important something, that gave him
a paycheck and kept him in the game. And now this, which was either going to be
fabulous and make his career or be a total bust and derail it.
Robert was putting his seat back, thinking of trying again for a little shut-eye, when
someone walked by up the aisle toward the lavatory. He glanced that way and it was
Escuela. She stopped, looked at him, winked and said, "Hello, Mr. Johnson. Nice
flight?"
''What are you . . ," he started asking, but she tured away and walked fOlVard, got
to the lavatory at the front of the plane, jiggled the door handle a bit and it opened,
and she walked in. Where Aloysius was, presumably, taking a piss.
Damn. What was she going to do in there? Seduce him? Lecture him on his eye
sight? Tell him he was wall shy? Ask for an autograph? Hell, Robert wondered,
should he go up there himself and yank open that door and make a scene? That'd
make for great headlines in Tampa and might end Aloysius' big chance and Robert's
own career at the same time.
He sat there, fidgety, for a minute or two, wondering what the hell was going on,
and then the problem resolved itself when the door opened and Escuela came out
and closed the door behind herself She looked unsteady and confused, unsure ofher
self as she headed back past to him to her seat. What the hell? Where was the kid?
Robert was just starting to get up and go see when the door opened again and out
came Aloysius Stevens-Arce, smiling, happy. He looked down the aisle and caught
Robert's eye and grinned. So, it must have been a Quick little bit of something in
there and that was that, all done. God, let's hope so.
They both sat hack down and Aloysius said. "You look worried, Robert, hut no hay
problema. To estc bien, you know?"
Robert nodded. "Sure, kid. Estc bien. I just wondered what was going on up there,
that's all."
''Nothing, my fiend. Nothing to worry about. I'm calmer now. I'm good. Everything
estc bien, okay?"
"Sure, sure," Robert said and then, to his relief, Aloysius pushed his seat back and
leaned back to close his eyes. Nap time for the next Roberto Clemente. Go, good,
good. Robert thought that was a great idea. And he tried to do the same.
At the baUpark, Rbert Johnson's hangover was finally, truly, gone. He felt good. In
fact, he felt great. It was the ninth inning and the Pelicans were hanging onto a two.
run lead, one of the runs coming fom a hard double down te line in lef by Aloysius
Stevens-Arce that had driven in Terry Jackson, who'd motored all the way from first to
score while the Orioles chased the carom down and finally got the ball headed-much
tlate-t home plate. Tugh pitch to hit, down and in, but the kid had followed it all
the way in, gone down and got it, ripped it hard. A god at-bat. A big-league at-bat.
In the field, Aloysius had made every play he'd needed to, but nothing had really
challenged him. Still, he'd caught the two routine fly balls that came his way and
he'd cut of one hard liner that if it had gotten by him would have ended up a triple.
Instead, it was a double and the fly ball to left that came after it didn't score the run
ner but left him stranded.
At the airport, Rblt had thought there might be more trouble with that Escuela
woman, but he and Aloysius had gotten off ahead of her and walked right to the air-
56 Rick Wilber
Asimov's
side shuttle and fom tere they'd been met by the Pelicans' rep at the main tenninal
and whisked through baggage claim and into a limo and headed for the ballpark. Even
at the baggage carousel for ten minutes he hadn't seen Escuela. What he figured was
that she'd gotten what she wanted out of all this, her own kind of personal autograph
sort of thing, her memento, and now she was happy, back in the stands somewhere
tonight and then headig hore tomorrow. He hoped that's how it was, anyway.
Robert hadn't been able to nap on the plane, tworried about her and the whole
mess. Even all the alien crap she'd been spouting had him spooked. What the hell
was up with that? He tried to recall in more detail that part of the conversation
when she'd leaned over to kiss him there at the cove, but couldn't remember much
of it. Something about hosts and survival and helping?
Forget it. Whatever nonsense she'd been spouting was irrelevant to things as they
were here and now. He was fine, the phenom was fine, and they were both at the Trop,
with the Pelicans ahead and the phenom playing good ball. It was all working out.
The sound of a well-hit ball off the bat brought Robert's attention back to the
game. With two on and two out, the Orioles' hitter had turned on one and let it rip.
Dead center, a screamer, probably a home run, and with two men on that meant the
game, the season, was in jeopardy.
But there was Aloysius, on his horse the very moment the ball came of the bat,
turng his back to the field, racing away toward the wall, turing his shoulders and
his head to find the ball in the Trap's roof with all those braces and supports up
there. Finding it, keeping it in sight as he pushed hard, then harder, trying to make
the play. No hesitation, no slight easing back to make an excuse to catch it on the re
bound off the wall. Pushing hard, onto the warning track and then, as the ball arced
down, maybe over the wall and maybe not,Aloysius Stevens-Arce took one fial long
stride and launched himself ito the air, reaching up as his body extended, straining
to get the glove where it needed to be.
He crashed into the wall, the ball and the glove and the padding of the wall and
that long, lean body all coming together into a collision so loud that Robert could
hear it from where he sat. Did the kid catch it? Where the hen was the ball?
Aloysius, lyillg there, raised his glove. The ball was in it.
Like everyone else, Robert was standing and applauding and shouting as Aloysius
got to all fours, then slowly stood up and shook himself and trotted in from center, a
long jog fom the faest reaches of te playng surface to the dugout and a greeting
fom his teammates, and the fans, and Robert Johnson.
Robert, pleased and relieved, was watching him. Escuela had been wrong; there
was nothing wrong with this kid, nothing at all. He was a big leaguer.
Coming toward the dugout, Aloysius reached up t tug at the bill of his cap by way of
saying thanks for te applause. Then, when he reached the dugout he paused, looked
into the font row of seats where Robert was looking back at him. Good job, Robert
mouthed at him, knowing it was useless to shout i the middle of all the noise.
Aloysius looked at Robert with a slight smile on his face. Yes, it was a good job and
he knew it. Then he nodded his head, gave Robert a long, slow wink, and disap
peared down into the dugout. 0
rogue transmutation
the Camembert l i brary
stinks to high heaven
-David C. Kopaska-Merkel
57
Amanda Forrest (www.amandaforrestfidion.com) spent many
years as a programmer and manager in the MMO video games
industry before going on hiatus to pursue writing. She recent
ly relocated with her family to her small hometown in western
Colorado. There, the empty landscapes provide plenty of
space for inspiration and opportunity for outdoor adventures.
Her fiction appears in the most recent Writers of the Future
anthology and is forthcoming in a number of publications. In
the author's first story for us, the unsettling depiction of life
in a future Vietnam will leave you haunted by . . .
A
LULLABY
I N GLASS
Amanda Forrest
1uan's mother expressed displeasure in the only acceptable ways: with her silence
and with her cooking. She averted her gaze when she set his breakfast before him,
clack of the heav porcelain howl against age-sofened teak. Tuan stirred his food.
Limp noodles drifted in a broth overburdened with fish sauce and oil. The lemon
grass was missing, and the mint.
Tuan hated hjs mother's silence. It meant she'd already convinced herself that
Tuan would tell his father about the problems with the diatom pools. Even though
he'd announced no such intent. Even though the admission would anger the fore
man and bring his vengeance down on Tuan's mother. Even though the village work
unit had agreed to hide the problems in hopes they'd devise a solution.
His mother bent over her soup. While he listened to the click of her chopsticks,
Tuan remembered long-ago mornings. Standing, apprehensive, in his primary
school uniform, propped up by nothing but the crisp folds of the fabric. His mother
had never complained while she stooped to lace his shoes. Only talked sofly, prais
ing him for how much he was learning.
Tuan couldn't bear the thought of the foreman's leather strap smacking her arms
and back, sending her skin wobbling under the blows, exacting punishment for
Tuan's betrayal. Neither could Tuan let his father go bfore his superiors in Hanoi
and admit there was a shortfall and his own home village-his own. son.-hadn't re
spected him enough to war him. Yet in a few hours, he'd have to choose.
Tuan shifed his fork to his prosthetic hand, settling the flat metal against the
58
Asimov's
pincer pads, which, as of last week, no longer trasmitted tactile feedback. He laid
his other palm on the table, edging his fingers out toward his mother. Deep gouges
marred the wood, and he rubbed the scars gently.
''Maybe Chien will admit the problems," he said, speaking of the foreman.
His mother looked at the small altar where incense plugs smoldered next to brass
offering bowls. Her brows drew together, but she said nothing.
Tuan's fork clattered down, bouncing olfthe rim of his bowl and spattering his face
with hot broth before skittering of the table to the floor. He unstrapped the pros
thetic, disgusted, and rubbed the skin of his stump, sending tingling impulses up
fom the tattooed interface.
"Let me, Tuan."
His mother plucked the prosthetic from the tabletop and slipped it into the charge
bath. Wires wrapped with electrical tape led fom the charger up across the bare
wood walls, stapled to detour around a faded, gilt-framed portrait of Ho Chi Minh,
and exited at a caulk-sealed cranny.
While she crossed back to the table, the floor tilted ad rocked slightly, setting the
soup lapping in the bowls. A boat's wake passing under the village, most likely. But
not his father's. Not yet.
She retrieved the fork and laid it beside his undamaged hand. "Eat, son. Your fa
ther will want to see you fll of energy."
Tuan's eyes flicked toward the door. Before his fater arrived, he planned to fetch
a broken coffee grinder from his cousin, Lien. He'd have a busy moring repairing
that and prying free his prosthetic's tactile pads to see if the lack of sensation might
be due to lose connections. Enough to excuse him from a shift at the diatom corrals.
He dreaded the corral work, the constant relocation of pallets of diatomaceous
glass, the meticulous supervising of mutation clocks ad nutrient inputs. One small
error, a tic of his fickle prosthetic, and the diatom-built circuitry wouldn't match the
requisitions: smart cosmetics for the Chinese elite; drug delivery systems; and lately,
minuscule controllers for the government's pollination drones.
Tuan slurped the rest of his broth and stood. He limped to the door, weak thigh
cramping at the sudden abuse. Unsure what to say in parting, he stepped silently
out the door.
Outside, the haze piled thick above the jungle-draped crowns of the limestone is
lands that sheltered the village's harbor. On the crop platforms fixed to the sheer
sided clifs by titanium bolts and plasti-coated cables, workers stooped, thinning the
rows of greens. The low hum of the water circulators and micron filters in the cor
rals harmonized with the drone of the cicadas in the jungle.
A grid of floating platforms supported the village shacks. Netting stretched the
gaps between the huts, decorated with drying fishing tackle. The morning's catch
jellyfish, mostly-swam in buckets waiting selection for the cookpots.
The villagers moved back and forth across the platforms with shoulders hunched,
uneasy, preparing for the arrival of the government boat-Tuan's father's boat. Some
glanced at Tuan, faces subtly mistrustful. Just as h mother had, they expected him
to inform his father and his father's partner, Uncle Bao, about the problems with the
diatom cultures.
Tuan snatched his walking stick fom its place against the wall of his shack. Ig
noring the gazes of his fellow villagers, he began the slow journey to Lien's hut to
fetch the cofee grinder.
He heard his father's boat long before it arrived. The snarl of the biodiesel engine
bounced of limestone cliffs ad through narrow passages, punctuated by gargling
chokes when the drive screw chewed through schools of jellyfish.
A lullaby in Glass 59
September 201 4
On the splintered wood planks before him, parts of the disassembled cofee maker
were sorted into various containers, some with solvent to clean of the grease, somejust
holding the tiny screws to keep them fom bing lost forever in the jade waters of the
bay. Tuan scooted the jars and bowls up against the wall of the shack before standing.
The arriving boat shoved through the final aisle between rocky hummocks, faster
than usual, with a foth of seawater plowed up by the bow. Tuan headed toward the
outer row of shacks at a steady but careful pace. Frequent glimpses of the shadowed
waters between decks kept him cautious. It had been five years since the accident,
but he cringed when he remembered the cold beneath the platforms. The taste of
mildewed air that he sucked. choking, from the voids under the rafts while blood
gushed fom his mangled limbs. He'd finally surrendered to the slow, deathward
sink before the fishing gaff pulled him out into the sunshine. Sometimes, Tuan
thought that he'd never see water without imagining his life's end.
Despite his father's imminent arrival, he stopped short when he saw the girl, Anh,
ahead. She carried a basket of fesh-picked greens fom shack to shack, ofering out
bundles to the women inside. The village women greetd her with thinned lips and dis
missed her wordlessly. Ah was an outsider. One of the refugees from the flooed south.
Anh's hair glinted where she'd woven in bits of junk, fishing lures and tabs from
old soda cans. Tuan had never seen her in a traditional conical hat or wearing a silk
mask over her nose and mouth to hide her skin from the sun. Her face was tanned to
the color of burished tak, and her teeth shone like pearls.
Anh. He'd never had the courage to say hello.
Her eyes widened when she looked out toward the docks. The basket slipped down
to the tips of her gloved fingers, threatening to fall from her hands. Tuan had noticed
those gloves before, simple white silk with a strip of elastic across the backs. He won
dered why she wore them and realized that he could just ask-finally start a con
versation-when she abruptly darted away from the docks.
Tuan clenched the walking stick. He never seemed to ready his words before she
was off and away.
He tured back to the water just as the boat hit the fringe of the village straight
on, far too fast. Uncle Baa had the wheel, his face locked in a startled mask. Tuan's
father yelped and shoved his brother aside. Wood groaned and the metal hull of the
vessel squealed when the thrust of the engine tured it sideways to scrape along the
platform.
The shockwave rocked the village. Platforms collided with hollow cracks, and
mooring lines creaked under the strain. The jolt knocked Tuan sideways, stumblng,
and his weak thigh buckled. His knees smacked the deck planks, twin hammers
pounding his kneecaps into the sof tissue beneath. ShU, five years afer losing his
right hand, he thrust it fonard to break his fall and jammed the flesh of the stump
onto splintery wood, sending a shriek of sensation up from his tattoo. Skin grated
across the deckng until the arm finally folded under and his face hit the planks.
The vessel had tured aside, and the motor was pushing it back away from the vil
lage. Tuan's father cranked the rudder to port and backed the engine down to an
idle.
On the dock, men tossed out lines and pulled the boat in. Tuan's father and Uncle
Bao stepped of onto the deck and bent to check for damage on the hull. Over the
sounds of the jungle and the machinery, Tuan caught snatches of conversation. Sao'd
been distracted at the helm. There were problems in Hanoi. Someone should fetch
the foreman, Chien. Send a local. A refugee couldn't be trusted to do the job quickly.
By the time Tuan's father reached him, Tuan had managed to clamber to his feet,
ignoring the pain. Planting his walking stick, he straightened and met his father's
eyes. The older man's face was grim, lines of stress along his mouth.
60 Amanda Forrest
Asimov's
''Tuan," he said. "Good to see you."
He clapped Tuan on the shoulder, a gesture that looked rough to observers, but
which made contact without disturbing Tuan's balance. His father was deft with
these things, making Tuan appear sturdy despite his handicap.
"Is Uncle Bao okay?"
"Just under pressure." His father turned to the clot of men that trailed him. "We'll
meet outside my shack. Heads of households."
The sun hid behind the haze, a vague presence that nevertheless heated the air to
steaming. The men of the work unit gathered, sweating, around Tuan's home. A crowd
this size spilled over to the neighboring platforms. There was no jostling or argument.
Beyond the crowd, Tuan caught glimpses of the refugees. Those with business
amongst the huts-laundresses hanging the wash on lines, girls like Anh who dis
tributed the harest-slowed their pace and watched while trying not to appear idle.
The goverment's Migration Control boats had delivered the refugees over the last
months, insisting that the work unit provide them meaningful chores in the domes
tic duties. But only the domestic duties, nothing with the corrals.
For the locals, the situation grated. They were not allowed to disclose any details of
the circuit-building process or the specific requisitions. Secrets lay heavy on tongues
unused to silence.
llI'U get to the problem quickly," Tuan's father said. "You know the basics. The rice
crop in the south is ruined and we don't know when the floods will subside. We've
been told that the People's food stores would carry us through. But here's the truth:
there are no more food stores. We have nothing but the northern paddies and plan
tations. The typhoon that doused us last week swept away or disabled most of our
pollinators. People in the highlands are starving aready because there's nothing left
after the food trucks make their urban deliveries."
A ripple of understanding crossed the crowd. Foreman Chien's face blanched. Only
the nano-glassware built by the diatoms yielded components small enough that the in
digestible part of the pollination drones could pass through the stomachs of the coun
try's bird species. Without the output of te corrals, there was no fruit or nut crop.
"The government needs more product. We're to stop all manufacturing of junk chips
for private companies and focus entirely on drone controllers. Well double our output."
Chien stepped fonvard. "Double? The cosmetic smartchips are less than a quarter
of our orders. At most we can increase output by 20 percent."
Tuan's father's smile verged on condescension. "Only if we hide behind OU excus
es. Look at my own son."
Tuan's heart stuttered. Blood rushed to his face.
lTuan spends his days repairing your personal appliances and small motors. Why
isn't he out assembling the circulator for a fifh corral? The refugees can keep our
homes running while everyone works. Blossoms are dropping of the dragon fruit
trees without setting fuit."
Tuan stifened, accepting his father's degrading comment as a way for his father to
let Chien back out of his argument without losing face. But Tuan couldn't accept his
father looking like a fool, talking about a fifh corral when the first fOUT weren't even
producing.
l'here won't be another delivery, father." Tuan drew himself up tall, transferring
weight to his strong leg. "'ot unless Chien figures out the source of contamination.
They've thrown away the last five batches of glass."
Chien roared. "Little eel'"
The crowd descended into argument, but Tuan's gaze remained on his father. The
man stood like an abandoned teakwood carving, weak and age-pitted. His face was pale.
A lullaby in Glass 61
September 201 4
''Tuan,'' he said, voice barely discerible uder the babble, "is this true?"
"They've bleached the membranes and verified the source culture with genetic se
quencing. No one can find a problem with the mutation clock or the final organism.
But the circuitry has no resemblance to the blueprints."
A tiny muscle twitched in his father's lower eyelid. "1 guaranteed OUT success,
Tuan."
His father turned and retreated into the family's home. The sunlight left the man's
shoulders as he passed into the shadowed interior.
Tuan took a dinghy and Towed, clumsily. to a crescent of yellow sand beach. From
there, he slipped into the jungle, following a mud-slick trail toward the base of the
cliffs and past an old Buddhist shrine.
Under the tees, the buzzing of the insects was louder, but somehow more tolerable
when experienced fom within. Vines draped down from above, webbed by dew-laden
strands of spider silk. Leaves tinted the sunlight green, dim except where a butterfly
fluttered into a rare spot of dapplng and caught the full spectrum upon its wings.
He wanted to disappear up a jungle-choked gully. Let the island swallow him. If
he'd just told his father the truth, phoned him back i the beginning when the prob
lems were isolated, his father never would have promised increased production. In
stead, he could have worked with Chien to fix the initial contamination. Wared his
superiors of coring shortfalls. Prevented this.
Tuan jammed his walking stick down into the undergrowth, twisting it to tear at
the earth.
"Are the government people gone?"
Tuan spun, losing his balance and throwing his good arm out to snag a vine. A
stepped out fom the side trail that led to the shrine. Tuan clenched his jaw, fighting
anger. A day ago, he might have been stunned and overjoyed to see her. But not now.
''Those goverment people are my father and uncle."
"Oh." She looked away, a nervous movement of her head like a small bird. "Sorry."
"It's okay."
She nodded. The silence was awkward. He scratched behind his ear.
"[ heard that your parents run a private paper factory in Ho Chi Minh City. That
they sent you north because the city isn't safe." He didn't mention that none of the lo
cals believed her story. No mother with any sort of status would let her daughter go
about with skin as brown as the earth.
A studied a leaf while she spoke. "Yeah."
He waited for her t elaborate. The drone of the cicadas seemed to grow louder.
"Are you . . . did you come to . . . ?" He gestured at the shrine.
Anh glanced back at the gilt-painted lintel. An emotion he couldn't identif crossed
her face.
"Not really. Id like to believe. Imagine . . . reincarnation."
It was a strange answer, but maybe to b expected from someone so far from her
flood-ravaged home. Maybe she thought that she would't have to lose so much i
her next life.
"I suppose." He smiled at her then quickly looked away, afraid that eye contact
would make him nervous and more awkward.
''Then again," she said, "if you don't remember your previous life . . . seems to me
that the person you were is still dead. So what's the point?"
"Maybe we're more than our memories." Tuan had never given religion much
thought.
A sad expression crossed her face. " have to go. Harest shift starting."
Just like that, she vanished into the greenery like rain into soil.
62 Amanda Forrest
Asimov's
"See you," Tuan said. He stilled a branch that vibrated following her exit.
The tamarind-spiced shellfish-his father's favorite dish-seemed as tasteless as
the room was silent. Partway through the meal, Tuan's mother reached out and
touched Tuan's hand as if forgiving him, acknowledging he'd had no choice but to dis
close the work unit's secret given the events of the morning.
For Tuan, it was small consolation.
A quick tapping at the door preceded Uncle Bao's entrance.
"Uncle,"Tuan said when neither of his parents spoke.
"I sent a query up the chain. A subtle as 1 could make it. There are no other corral
units ready to up production." Baa sat across the room on a wobbly stool.
Tuan's father nodded. "A expected."
''Why won't the blame fall on Chien?"Tuan's mother asked. Her voice was pitched
higher than usual, and she fumbled her chopsticks when she set them down, smack
ing the table to keep them from rolling of. Tuan swiped his napkin over the splatter
of tamarind sauce that she'd made.
" It doesn't really matter who takes the blame." Tuan's father looked up at the por
trait ofHo Chi Minh. ''People are starving. Dying."
"It maters because you don't deserve the punishment," Tuan said.
In that moment, Tuan was a young boy again, not the sixteen-year-old who would
soon b a man. He thought of his father standing before some green-uiformed ofi
cial from Hanoi. A still face on the government man, hjnting nothing of the punish
ment to come. His father following the man down a long hallway with no windows.
His father wouldn't say it, but the set of his face showed the severity of the disci
pline he expected. Demotion. Prison, maybe. Tuan's eyes felt hot.
A warbling tone rose from Uncle Bao's pocket. He pulled free his phone and
scrolled through a message.
"It seems they may suspect. We've been summoned to Haiphong, Due."
Tuan's father showed no emotion save the tremble in his cheek. "Are the ship
ments loaded? lfwe deliver what we have, l may b able to stall until our next sched
uled drop. Maybe Chien will solve the problem."
Uncle Bao moved to the door and turned the knob.
Tuan felt as if a storm wave had lifted the village and dropped the floor fom be
neath him. He stood, realizing that he meant to step in front of the door and stop his
father fom leaving. His father looked him in the eyes for a moment and plucked the
prosthetic hand fom the charge bath.
"Come on, Tuan. Help me take inventory."
His father's hands were warm on Tuan's skin while he fastened the bands that se
cured the prosthetic. Tuan kept his breath steady though his throat clamped down.
"Thank you." His voice was almost a whisper.
Lying in bed, Tuan inhaled deep of the smoldering incense. He listened to his
mother's breathing, filtered by the canvas drape they'd hung to divide the room for
sleeping. Until two years ago, both his parents had bedded down on the other side of
the curtain. The space still seemed empty without his father. But the work unit pro
gram wasn't supposed to last forever. In a couple of years, his father had planned to
go back to fishing.
Tuan rolled over, the thin sheet brushing his bare thighs. He'd fastened a silk cloth
over his stump to keep static charge fom stimulating his tattoo in the night, but the
pressure change provoked a small jolt of heat.
He pushed his fist against h forehead. How could all the diatom pools have failed?
They were strictly isolated from one another. [t had to be an error in process or source
A lullaby in Glass 63
September 201 4
culture, but as far as Tuan knew, everything had been checked and double-checked.
He wasn't going to be able to sleep. Tuan swiped the sheet from his body and drew
on trousers and a thin shirt before slipping out the door.
The barest glow fom the distant port of Haiphong colored the sky ahove the is
lands to the west. Over by the corrals, brighter light leaked from beneath the door to
Chien's ofice. At least the man had the decency to work late. Tuan tramped across
the gangway, sending blue-green eddies of phosphorescent algae outward fom the
bridge. He pounded on the door to the ofice and entered, not waiting for an invitation.
"Tuan. It's late." Chien stood from his desk.
"Let me see the records,"Tuan said. "Maybe I can spot the problem in the process."
Chien appeared ready to protest, but then seemed to realize that there was no
harm in it. He slid a viewscreen across the desk.
When Tuan blinked, he imagined the man with a strap raised, whipping it down
on the defenseless girls employed in his service. He thought of his father bearing the
consequences of Chien's failure.
Chien drummed his fingers on his desk. "I don't blame you for telling your father,
Tuan. Some people might, but I don't. Ws a son's duty."
Tuan stared at him, wanting to shove the man for daring to insinuate that they
shared a common understanding. He swallowed his contempt. "Is there any infor
mation on exactly what's wrong with the final glass?"
Chien shrugged. '1bere's not much we can tell without an electron microscope. At
a macro level, the glass doesn't crumble like it's supposed to. We test a small control
batch before shipping out the sheets of final product. When the agitator shakes the
sample, it's supposed to collapse into individual drone controllers."
He slid a small dish across the desk. A layer of opalescent sand sparkled in the bot
tom, glinting in the harsh light fom the single LED bulb mounted above Chien's
desk. "The minds of bees," he said.
"So what happens with agitation?"Tuan asked.
Chien ran his hands through his hair. "Nothing. It's like a huge, fused matrix. I
tried stimulating the circuit at various points with different frequencies of light.
Can't make sense of it."
'"Mind if I take this outside?"Tuan held up the viewscreen.
Chien gestured acquiescence. "Just don't drop it in the water. We don't want to re
quest a replacement on top of all this."
The haze had thickened, soggy air blotting out Haiphong's glow. Tuan moved slow
ly in the inky dark. Tree frogs croaked in the jungle, and the water circulators
hummed their constant song. A few LEDs glowed on the machinery, red and green
like the eyes of small night creatures.
Tuan chose a spot at the far edge of the corrals. Sitting cross-legged on the lightly
bobbing walkway, he opened the records for the first pool that had failed. Step by
step, he compared the recorded sequence of inoculations and mineral dosing to the
plan. Spotting no discrepancies, he rose and moved to the circulator, putting his ear
against the casing to listen to the whirr and the slosh of water through the chambers.
Near a gang"vay that led to the shore, a flicker of movement caught his eye. Some
thing wiggled within the spill of vines that curtained the beach off fom the jungle.
He powered of the viewscreen's display and dropped to a squat where the circula
tor would hide his form.
When she stepped lightly onto the bridge that led fom the beach, there was no
mistaking the glint of the metal woven into her hair. Anh. Tuan's arms went cold. He
should have put it together when she'd run at the sight of his father's boat. The pools
had all failed because they'd ben sabotaged.
She stopped near a bank of LEDs, and in the strange wash of indicator Lights, her
64 Amanda Forrest
Asimov's
face took on more accents. Her jawline cut sharply up to delicate ears, and the hollow
at the base of her throat collected shadows.
A sat down on the walkway and pulled off her gloves. She laid them beside her
and then plunged her hands into the water of the corral.
Tuan chewed his thumbnail. What was she doing? Dissolving a mineral additive,
something to gum up the latticework and keep the glass from fragmentng properly?
He wanted to creep closer, but his motion would set the gangway bouncing.
Sitting as she did, Anh almost looked like a nun at meditation. Every once in a
while, she cocked her head slightly. Tuan couldn't tell if her eyes were open or
shut.
He watched for maybe half an hour. In that time, Chien's door opened and shut, a
brief flare oflight across the water. The foreman walked across the bridge to the vil
lage, cigarette burg. Anh didn't even look up.
Finally, Tuan stood and strode toward her. She yanked her hands from the pool,
scrambled back and shook her head, blinking as if disoriented.
"Who?" She squinted. "TuanT'
'What are you doing?" The fog swallowed his voice. It seemed as if he and Anh
were the only people within kilometers.
((I'm . . . I'm sorry. I just-"
He stomped closer. "People are starving. Dying in the highlands. How can you do
this?"
She blinked. "I don't understand."
"You're ruining the circuitry."
Anh wrapped her arms around her knees, drawing inward. "I wasn't thinking of it
that way." Her brows drew together. "What do you mean, starving?"
"Without pollinators, the crops can't set fruit." Tuan gestured at the pool. Lo
cals weren't supposed to talk about the product with refugees, but he figured the
circumstances excused him. Besides, she probably knew exactly what the corrals
produced.
Anh grabbed a fistful of hair and stared at the water. When her hand moved, he
caught a glimpse of the intricate lines of a biotattoo on her palm and the inside of
her fingers. Tuan looked away. Tattoo work on healthy nesh-that explained her
gloves. He wondered who had paid for it, whether the money had come from the
same tiny fund that should have replaced his junky prosthetic years ago.
" don't understand how cosmetics afect pollination," Anh said finally.
Tuan exhaled. "Is that what you think we're making here? Cosmetics?"
She nodded, wide-eyed. '1'he Migration officials told the refugees that your work
unit made additives for Chinese smart cremes. Something about bending the light
based on underlying blood flow, skin tone." A pause. "Please tell me that's true." Her
voice tightened.
"The circuits are controllers for pollination drones. So that our plantations can pro
duce food."
A flashed the tattoos. "My interface . . it's not that sophisticated. 1 could't tell.
I mean it, Tuan. They told us-"
''Well, they lied."
She looked sick to her stomach. "Can we fix it? Please. I'm so sorry."
Tuan pressed his fingers into his temples. "I don't know. We're weeks behind.
don't even know what you've been doing. Or why."
Her breath shook when she sighed. "I can't tell you. It's not safe."
" don't see that you have a choice." Tuan crossed his arms over his chest. "My fa
ther is on his way to be punished for the work unit's shortfall."
"Punished . . . " She dropped her gaze to her hands. "Then he's the work unit's Iiai-
A lullaby in Glass 65
September 201 4
son. I was worried he was with Migration ControL That they'd tracked me . . Tuan,
I only wanted to . "
''To what?"
She looked up with pleading eyes. "Please sit. It's hard to talk like this."
Tuan considered fetching Chien immediately. They had their culprit. But Chien
would just beat the information from her. He lowered himself to the damp planks.
Anh's jaw trembled. "I'm going to die, Tuan. When Migration Control figures out
where I am, who I am. They'll take me to Hanoi and . . . " She dopped her forehead to
her knees. "J know things that I shouldn't. Did things I shouldn't have."
"Back up. What do you mean, Hanoi? They'll take you for . . . executon?" The word
passed through his throat like a hard-edged piece of metaL
She kept her head bowed but nodded.
Tuan sat, stunned.
After a moment, she straightened. "My parents aren't paper moguls."
"1 know."
"I haven't seen them since we were separated during a typhoon thee years ago.
A far as I know, I'm an orphan."
Tuan thought of his father, and his chest tightened. What if he never saw him
again? "It must be hard not to know what happened to them."
Anh gazed out over the diatom pools. Her face was still, strong. A night bird trilled
fom the trees.
"I need you to tell me about the circuit," Tuan said gently.
Her lips thinned, and after a moment she nodded. "It would be easier if I showed
you."
She exposed her palms. The biotattoos shimmered, excited by static and her per
sonal EM field. "They're similar to yours." She nodded at his stump. "Diferent use."
"Which is?"
"Communication with computers, circuitr, wireless devices. I can understand and
manipulate data sort oflike you use your prosthetic."
Tuan's brows drew together. "Biotattoos can do that?"
She nodded. "I have a digital interface for regular computers and light spectrum
for glassware. And a translator chip up here." She tapped her skull. "If I'd had the
protocol installed, I could have recognized the pollinator controllers. I swear, Tuan.
Even though I'm in trouble, I never would have . "
The reminder of her coming fate sank, cold, into Tuan's chest. "1 believe you," he said.
Her lip trembled when she smiled. "Anyway, while the diatoms are building the
circuits, my tattoos can alter the structure. Make it into something else." She ges
tured at his stump. "Here, I'll show you."
Tuan swallowed and raised his arm. From the inside of her glove, she pulled a
small swatch of circuit-printed silk. Using a rubber band from her hair, she fas
tened the fabric around the end of his flesh. "It's a protocol translator. Reach into
the water."
Tuan dipped hs hand into the pool and felt nothing but cool seawater on his skin.
"You have to contact the lattice," she said.
She pulled a small flashlight fom her pocket, reached over the water, and shone
the beam down into the pool.
When the glass brushed his arm, an explosion of sensation entered his mind. The
feel of knotted hair, woven with metal, slipping under his palm. Sunshine on his
hand while he plucked greens fom the soil. Damp bruising orthe stems, slick leaves
that crunched when they folded.
When she tured the flashlight off, the sensations vashed. Tuan slowly pulled
his arm from the water. "What is . . . ?"
66 Amanda Forrest
Asimov's
"My memories," Anh said. "} trained the glass to reproduce my experiences. At
least . . . I tried, but it's still not right."
''It's amazing," Tuan said quietly. "But why do this, Anh?"
Her shoulders slumped. "1 only wanted to help Vietnam. At first."
"How?"
Anh's gaze jerked away. "I can't tell you. If the glass isn't destined for China, it
doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that I got selfish."
Tuan smoothed the thin fabric of his trousers. He wasn't sure what to say.
"Do you remember when we talked at the shrine? About how your memories
would just vanish when you're reincarnatd? I don't want to be erased like that. I
was trying to make a full record . . . an imprint of me. So that I'd live on somehow."
Tentatively, Tuan scooted toward her, c10se enough to feel the warmth from her
body. "Anh . . . I'm so sorry." He didn't know what else to say.
Her next words were nat. "All these attempts. An the ruined glass. And still it's so
incomplete."
"But it's-"
"Compare." Anh's hand darted out. When she laid her palm against his stump, her
experiences crashed over him. The feeling was intimate beyond imagination. Anh,
the things she felt. The ways her fingers laced against one another. The bone-deep
fatigue at the end of a day working. A wooden dowel in her hand while cooling grease
fom street food dribbled onto her flesh.
''Your tattoo is keyed to your hand only, or I could show you more."
Tuan's voice was gone, hiding away in the depths of a clamped throat. He stared at
her, this girl. This incarnation of spirit. He wanted nothing more than to hold her
and feel her warmth. She was talive to die.
By morning, a rare wind had scoured the haze from the sky and the sun beat
down, harsh and unwelcome. Tuan hadn't slept, and the glints off the wavelets
stabbed his eyes.
He entered Chien's ofice without knocking.
''he circulators were set to the wrong now rate."
Chien looked almost offended even in his relief. "What? Really?"
"I suspect it was enough to cause problems."
"But how? Why all of them?"
''They're all the same model. Maybe it was a glitch. I suggest we check them regu-
larly"
"Then we can reset production? Start a new batch?"
Tuan sat dO. " think that you can come c10se to meeting my father's promise.
ot this delivery, but the next. It may be enough. But . . ." He laid his palm on the
desk and stared at Chien.
''But?"
"It's no secret that you beat the unmarried girls because they have no husbands to
protest. Their work is worse for it. Stop, or I'll give my father the details on the cir
culators so that he can explain the shortfall to his superiors."
Chien stammered, but Tuan cut him of. ''You need my help to meet the quota. We
need three more corrals and double shifs until we catch up. 111 install the machinery
and teach the refugees how to tend the pools when they aren't otheTW'ise occupied."
''hey aren't supposed to be involved with the diatoms."
Tuan shrugged. "The alternative is we all suffer. The government is too cautious."
Chien recoiled from Tuan's words, as ifTuan were guilty of major sedition. But
Tuan had the man figured out. Chien wouldn't protest the refugee presence, not
when it would save his skin.
A lullaby in Glass 67
September 201 4
"One mOTe thing," Tuan said. "I'm almost certain about the circulators, but I'd like
to have one of the fused lattices to look over. Pool one's circulator was the farthest off
spec."
"It's junk anyway. l'Il have someone pull the pallet first thing."
The fused glass glinted, opalescent in the square oflight that fell through the win
dow arTuan's hut. Eyes closed, he laid his stump against the lattice, the translator
silk a thin barrier between his tattoo and the circuitry. Upon contact, one of Anh's
memories unfolded in his mind. A coo) metal bar under her palm, slight crunch of
flaking paint,
.
-maybe it was the rail of the refugee boat that had brought her here.
Or maybe not.
For the last two days, between his scanty sleep and his work on the machinery for
the new corrals, he'd explored the experiences she'd stored in the glass, searching for
the story behind her predicament. He'd learned noting; with only the sensations his
tattoo could produce-those necessary for controlling and perceiving input fom his
prosthetic-he had no better pictue of her situation than when he'd started.
Heavy with fatigue, he pushed himseLf up 01 the floor and wrapped the glass in a
blanket before tucking it under hs cot. Just another ofTuan's many side projects,
his mother would assume.
His work on the last circulator was stalled while Chien waited for a borrowed re
placement part fom a nearby village, so Tuan took one of the rowboats toward the
small beach with the path that led past the shrine. He'd watched Anh emerge from
the jungle there more than once. With luck, he'd encounter her.
Though he believed that Anh wouldn't damage any more glass, Tuan knew that he
risked to much by trusting the work unit's fate to this belief He had to know her
fun story. Had to know he was making the right choice, even if the knowledge put
him in danger.
He heard her approach, a gentle rustle of leaves and scuff of feet on the packed
earth. Tuan stood and leaned against one of the upright posts of the shrine. He spoke
sofly so as not to startle her. "An."
A smile touched her face. "How are you, Tuan?"
''ired.'' He indicated a flat-topped rock where they could both sit.
Side by side, they listened to the jungle sounds. Tuan thought about the glass and
the things she'd recorded, felt a flush of embarrassment for exploring her memories
without her pennission.
"Anh, I need to know more."
Anguish flashed on her face. "1 can't. You could get hurt or-"
''ou already told me the risks, and I've had a couple days to think about it. This is
my decision, not yours."
She turned toward h, laid a gloved hand on his shoulder. A shock traveled his
spine, and he swallowed, steeling himself for the argument.
"Okay." Her hand fell away. An took a deep breath. ''Things are bad in the south.
You know that. I was hungry-really hungry. So I started working for an under
ground organization. They said that the State couldn't handle the floods. Too rigid.
Too isolationist. There has to be some way to get help for Vietnam, right? Even if it
comes from foreign governments. Even if there are obligations attached."
Tuan chewed his lip. "I really don't know."
She shrugged. "Me neither. Not really. Anyway . . ." She laid her hands, palm up,
on her knees. "Adolescent minds are still plastic, better at adjusting to technology.
The organization installed my tattoos so that I could get around the State's informa
tion blockades. They wanted me to get Vietnam's story out to the world."
68 Amanda Forrest
Asimov's
"And you did?" Tuan asked. Anti-government anything carried heavy penalties.
But execution? "That doesn't seem bad enough t(-"
She shook her head, curt. "I broke into the State's databanks while I was trying to
access the public internet. Mostly by accident. The real problem is what I saw there."
She grimaced while she fiddled with her gloves. "The govemment can't take care of
everyone. No food. No resources."
"Which is why we need pollinators."
"I know. 1 . . . " Her voice cracked, and she took a shaky breath. ''Tuan, the govern
ment has a plan for who dies and who lives. Every citizen has a rankng based on po
tental contribution to the country's survival. Lowest ranks die of in batches until
Vietnam can sustain herself again."
Sanctioned starvation? Tuan looked at his stump, wondering what his handicaps
meant for his ranking. A laid a hand on his arm.
''he worst thing is," she said quietly, "I believe they think this is the best solution.
Or at least the kindest. Puts needed resources to those most likely to survive."
Her hand lfed, leaving a cold spot on Tuan's arm. ''here'd be riots if the popula
tion found out, you understand." She looked at him for confirmation.
He nodded.
"At any rate, I was traced," Anh said. "The police caught my handler. I heard he
died by firing squad. I was so scared. Joined up with the refugees and gave a fake
name and some stolen skin cells for identification. 1 planned to cross to China fom
here until I heard that they've got DNA sampling and tranquilizing darts on the bor
der drones. Anyway . . . " She shrugged and swiped a sleeve across her eyes. "I'm sure
the bad ident is triggering all kinds of alerts in the census database. Shouldn't be
much longer before Migration comes for me."
He picked at a clump of moss. 'Why don't you move on? Hide somewhere else?"
"Satellite surveillance will flag the movement. They'll catch me sooner or later. At
least if I stay here, I won't be running like a rat." Anh sighed. "Part of me thinks I de
serve the punishment. I ruined the pollinators, which just means more deaths. I
wish I'd known."
"But you didn't."
"It was still wrong, though. If I'd just stopped after . . . " She tilted her face to the
ceiling of green. "When I heard that the circuits were intended to go into Chinese
smart cremes, I thought I could record my recollections of the State's plan. If some
one in China happened to have the right glassware interface, maybe they'd discover
my message. Maybe there is help out there for us."
" It was a good idea."
Her eyes were wet when she looked at him. "But I didn't stop there. I got greedy. I
wante t send all of my memories to China. It would b almost a ifl'd made it afer al."
He lifted his arm, hesitated, and then laid it across her shoulders. "I know. And I
still don't blame you."
Tuan's eyes were gritty fom lack of sleep. He'd been getting less than four hours a
night, crying sometimes. No mattr what means he considered to hide Anh from the
Migration authorities, there were always flaws. But at least the additional corrals
were producing, and he'd squeezed in a side project for Anh as well.
Tuan's father called for an update the day before his scheduled arrival. Nervous,
Tuan explained the outlook for production.
"Tuan," his father said, voice sounding small in the cell phone's speaker. "It's
enough. I'm proud of you."
His father's next words sucked the air fom Tuan's lungs. A Migration Control boat
planned to follow his father's vessel into the harbor.
A lullaby in Glass 69
September 201 4
Tuan met Anh with the news when she returned from her shif up on the crop
platforms.
"Anh," he said, touching her ann. "Some Migration oficials are following my father
tomorrow. You could try to hide."
She lifed her chin. "I've ben waiting for the end for a long time,"
"You're really certain you'll be executed? What about prison? You're still a minor."
She shrugged. "You know what happened to my handler. Best to prepare for the
worst."
Tuan curled his fingers around the tips of hers. "I have something to show you."
He led her to his rowboat and offered a seat on the plank opposite him. Though he
knew he looked awkward and clumsy tugging the oars with an unreliable prosthetic
and pushjng off a weak thigh, he wasn't embarrassed. The warm air made him feel
strong, and A looked beautiful with her tanned face tured to the sky.
A gap barely wider than the boat separated a pair of islands on the far side of the
harbor. Tuan rowed through, using the oaTS to push off the gray-white stone when
the walls drew too close. On the far side, a crescent of beach arced away. His creation,
the side project he'd finished in the dark, empty hours when he should have been
sleeping, was moored along the shore. He'd anchored the tiny boat, hull no longer
than his forearm, by driving a peg into the sand. A tow chain stretched out to a bob
bing crate, wide and low in the water.
"It's solar-powered," he said. "Ancient panels, but I tested the output. There's GPS
guidance."
"What's it for?"
He waded out and unlatched the seals on the crate, opening the lid to reveal the
glimmer of opal. Within the box, a pair of straps secured the sheet of crystalline glass
that held Anh's recollections.
"To take you to China," he said.
A sat on the beach. She ran a finger along the rail of the little boat.
"It's the last copy you made," he said. "You're wrong when you say it's imperfect."
He looked her in the eyes. "It . . . you . . . are a miracle."
She blushed and studied the cargo. "The circuits are conditioned to replicate the
memories of the person I was when I built it. There won't be any new experiences."
''rue.'' He sat beside her. "It's missing the part of you that can grow and change
maybe that's the aspect that moves into your next incarnation. But you're also the
sum of everything you've seen, everyone you've been." He tugged lightly on the tow
chain. "The story about the State's plan is here, too. Maybe you will make a cfer
ence for Vietnam after all."
"Will you know if the boat makes it to China?" she asked.
"Only in my imagination. But I believe in it. Someday, someone is going to crack
this crate on a faraway beach and find you."
"My glass spirit." Her heels were in the water. "Is the boat ready? Can it sail
now?"
Tuan crouched and pulled the peg from the sand. "I've just been waiting for you."
He flipped a switch to engage the guidance and then pulled out the cotter pin that
kept the smaH propeller still. The boat nosed into the sand a couple of times before
completing a tur and then bobbed away, bound for the channel of open water that
led to the South China Sea.
A slipped her hand into his while they watched it sail, the crate gently rocking
as if to put her glass-spun soul to sleep. By sunset, the small tugboat was gone, and
still they remained on the beach, hand in hand, awaiting the dawn.
Hours later, the Migration boat shoved into the harbor. By midday, the vessel de
parted, taking Anh away forever. 0
70 Amanda Forrest
Susan Palwick is an Associate Professor of English at the
University of Nevada, Reno. She has published four novels,
all with Tor, and a stor collection with Tachyon. In her lat
est tale, readers can catch a glimpse of a not-too-distant
future looming in the . . .
WI NDlW5
Susan Palwick
1he bus smells like plastic and urine, and the kid sitting next to Vangie has his
music cranked up way too high. It's leaking out of his earbuds. giving her a
headache. He's a big boy. sprawled out across his seat and into hers as if she's not
there at all. She squeezes herself against the window, resting her head against the
cool glass to try to ease the throbbing behind her eyes. Maybe the kid will get of at
the next stop. in forty minutes or so. Maybe nobody else will get on to take his seat.
The bus is completely full, and the waves of chatter and smell might have made
Vangie sick even without the booming bass.
It's a ten-hour rde t see Graham; Vangie just hopes she'll get i this time. She can't
shake her gut fear that everything's lined up too neatly, that something has to go
wrong. More than once, she's spent the time and money to get down there-the time's
no problem, but the money's not so easy, not with her monthly check a small a it is
t find the prison on lokdown, nobody in or out and G only knows whats going on
inside. All you get a reprts you can't trust, and you sit i the shabby town library
Googling the news every two seconds until it's time to catch the bus back home, be
cause you can't aford anoter night in a motel. Sometimes it's been days unti Gra
ham's been able t call out, until Vngie's been able t hear his voice again. She always
accepts the collect charges, but they never talk long. Those calls cost.
Vangie's small overight bag is under her feet. She's got her purse strap crossed
over her body, and her arms crossed protectively over that, as if the kid next to her
might snatch the bag and sprint to the font of the bus, diving out the door at sev
enty miles an hour. She knows this wouldn't happen even if she looked like someone
worth robbing, even if what's in her purse had the slightest value to anybody except
her and maybe Graham. He won't value it a much as she does. She doesn't see how
he could. Every time she thinks about it she feels a great weight in her chest, a clot
of grief and guilt and relief and love, and sometimes a tiny bit of pride creeps in
there too-one of her kids got away, is getting away, even if it's too far-but she
squashes that, always. No one else would think she deserved to feel proud. She
doesn't think she deserves to feel proud. Pride is dangerous. So's luck, because it al
ways turs, and there's already been tmuch this trip.
The kid next to her yawns and shifs, giving her an inch or two more room, and
she takes it, grateful. It's getting dark, sunset a dull bruise to the west, obscured by
clouds and by the dirty window, but at least she can see out, watch the gray high
way rushing past. When she first started making this trip, three years ago, she
promised herself she'd look out the window the whole time so she'd be able to tell
71
September 201 4
Graham about it, but there's nothing next to the road but flat fields, cor and alfal
fa. Sometimes a combine, but she can never make out people. She looked for cows the
first few times, horses. No luck. She'll tell him about this sunset, though. She'll make
it sound prettier than it is.
And when it gets completely dark she'll peer up through the window and try to
make out stars. Sometimes she can see them. She can't remember if there's a moon
tonight, but she'll look for that, too. Vangie feels like she has to look, because Gra
ham can't. He doesn't get to see the night sky anymore.
Zl dosn't get to see anything else. She thought she was so lucky when she won the
ticket, blind lottery, her name pulled out of the hat with all those other folks'. It still
rips Vangie's heart open to remember how eager Zel was to leave all of them, leave
everything forever. '1" m going to the stars!" she said, but all she's doing is living in a tin
can, living and dying there, and they'll make babies out of her eggs who'll live the next
leg, and babies out of their eggs who'll live the next, and final1y there will be a planet at
the end of it, that world the scientists found that's suppsed to b as much like Earth as
makes no never mind. Zel will never see it. She'll b long dead, her cildren's children
will be long dead, by the time they get there. She'll never see sunset or alfalfa again.
A far as Vangie's concered, she's got two kids in for life. She's just glad she can
still visit one of them.
She's almost dozed ofwhen the bus stops. The kid next to her gets of. Nobody else
gets on. Nobody moves from their current seat to take that one. A shiver goes down
Vangie's spine, and she crosses her fingers even as she's moving her bag onto the
other seat, stretching out the way the kid did, sighing and feeling her muscles un
knot because now maybe she can actually sleep the last few hours of the trip. More
luck, too much luck, as much crazy luck this time as it took Zl to get that ticket. She
won the generation-ship lottery right before Graham got caught moving more co
caine than anyone could claim for personal use, dumb bad luck, he hadn't noticed
one of his taillights was out and got pulled over, third strike you're out. It's like Vang
ie and her kids only get so much luck, and Zel's heaping lottery serving-if you call
that luck at all-meant Graham ran short. Vangie hopes she herself isn't not hog
ging it now. The kids need it more than she does.
She knows there are people who'd say Graham doesn't deserve luck, say what hap
pened to him was all about choice and not about luck at all, say he's scum for dealing
drugs. Vangie wishes to God he hadn't gotten involved in the cocaine deal, but she
wishes Zel hadn't won the lottery ticket, too. The world ca think what it wants. Gra
ham's her son. He's the only family she has lef, and tomorrow's his birthday. And in
her bag, infinitely precious, is a message fom his sister. And if this impossible steak
of luck holds, Vangie will actually get to deliver it to him on his birthday.
She gets dizzy just thg about everything that's already had to go exactly right.
Zel's end is tricky enough. The settlers-settlers! as ifZeI will ever get to settle any
where but inside that tin can!-don't get to send messages very often, because there
are so many of them and they're all busy growing beans or doing things t each other's
eggs and spenn or whatever they spend their time on up there. Vgie tries not to won
der about the babies. Whatever babies Zel has, Vangie will never get to hold them.
But anyway, they don't get to send messages very ofen. There's a schedule, as strict
as the one dictating when prisoners can call out, and for how long. And the ones from
the t can have t travel a lot farther. There's a computer that tlls the person sending
the message when it will reach Earth. Right now it takes a couple of days, and a lot of
messages don't even get through becuse they have to travel so far, bouncing off plan
ets and satellites and space rocks and G knows what else. A lot of them just get lost.
So Zel just happened to get her slot last week sometime, or the week before that,
72 Susan Palwick
Asimov's
and sent Graam's birthday video in time to reach Vangie's fee e-mail account the
week before Graham's birthday, which falls at the beginning of the month, right afer
Vangie's check comes in, which means she had the money to buy a thumb drive to
put the file on, and also had the money for the bus ticket and the hotel down by the
prison, because Graham's birthday falls on one of the weekend visiting days, and
how ofen will that ever happen? It's amazing enough that the message actually
came through. The trip will leave Vangie short on grocery money for the month, but
she'll go to the food pantries and soup kitchens. She'll scrape by.
Of course she called aead to the prison to see if theyd even let her show Graham
the file. She hasn't watched it yet; she wants to see it with him. It's called "Happy
birthday, Graham," so she knows what it's about. She and Graham will have to
watch it on one of the prison computers, and she wanted to make sure she wouJdn't
have to pay: video visits are one hundred dollars an hour, another racket, like the col
lect phone calls. The prison's so crowded because there's no money, they always say,
but it looks to Vangie like they're cleaning up.
More luck: because a prisoner just died in isolation and there's been a big flap
about it, and they're worried about PR this week, her can got put through to the war
den, and he promised her that she'd b able to use a prison laptop, no charge. Some
thing about prisoners' rights to contact with family, and if your family's on a
generation ship and your only possible contact's a video message that just traveled
days to get to your mother's e-mail account, well then.
Vangie trusts this as far as she can throw the bus. The flap's died down now. 'I\en
ty to one there won't be any laptop. She doubts the warden will admit to taking her
call, or even remember it.
The bus rocks her, that lulling rushing motion she's always loved, the feeling of go
ing somewhere. She peers up through the window, but there are clouds now, and be
tween them and the grime, she can't see stars. She pushes both of her seats back,
and stretches out as much as she can, and sleeps.
It's a good thing she slept on the bus, because she can hardly sleep at all in her ho
tel room: a blasting T on one side of her and raucous sex followed by a screaming
fight in the other, and a lumpy mattress. Her own TV's broken, so she lies in the
dark, staring up at the ceiling, reminding herself that Zel and Graham both have it
much worse. Prison's even noisier than this, and much more crowded, and there's no
checking out of the gen-ship.
She dozes off a little, finally, around three, but wakes up smack-dab at five, the
way she's done her whole adult life. This means she gets close to first dibs on the hot
water, which stll runs out too quickly. A shower's a shower, though. The cofee at the
diner across the street restores her even more, and the scrambled eggs are fluff, just
like she makes them herself
She's first in lie at the prison. "Evangeline Morris," she tells the guard, who looks
like she's barely awake herself "I'm supposed to b able to use one of your laptops.
The warden said."
'''es ma'am. I have that down here. They'll get it for you inside."
Marveling and suspicious-the PH flap must have lasted longer than usual
Vangie hands over her purse so another yawning guard can search it, and goes
through the metal detector and reclaims her bag. There's a long line of other visitors
behind her; she can feel the weight of them pressing on her back, pressing her
through the doors into the visiting room.
The visiting room's a dull yeUow cube dotted. with tables and chairs. The two vending
machines i te corer are always broken, and noise echoes of the walls. There's noth
ing resembling privacy, but if you have somebody in here, you take what you can get.
Windows 73
September 201 4
And there's Graham waiting for her, and someone else is with him, but Vangie
doesn't care about that right now: she just reaches out for the hug she's allowed, one
at the beginning of the visit and one at the end. She hugs Graham as hard as she
can, as if she can force aU her love for him through his skin. armor against his life
here. "Happy birthday, baby."
"Mama." His voice is thick. She pulls back t look at h: he's thinner than he was
last visit, and tears track his cheeks. "Mama, I brought the chaplain with me."
"What?" Her heart flutters. "What's wrong?" Graham's thinner than last time. "Ae
you-"
"Mama, the ship. You didn't hear? The news last night?"
"What? What news?" She was on the bus last night, in the hotel with the broken
T. 0, she hasn't heard any news.
''The gen-ship. There was a fire. A explosion. They've lost contact. Nobody knows
anything. Everybody's scared."
Vangie blinks. The chaplain reaches out to steady her, and she realizes she's sway
ing. Graham guides her into a chair. All that good luck: she knew something terrible
had to happen. She swallows.
"I didn't hear anything." She didn't hear anybody talking about it at the diner,
even. She was in a bubble, as isolated as any prisoner here, as isolated as the people
on the gen-ship, dead or alive. "I-they don't know?"
Graham's sitting now, at the little table across from her. "Nobody knows anything
yet. They're afraid it's bad."
The afertaste of cofee is a bitter tang in her mouth, metallic as blood. The chap
lain clears his throat. "Ma'am, I'm so sorry. I'd be happy t pray with you, or talk-"
She wants to send him away. If no one knows anything yet, maybe it's all fine.
There are safety systems on the gen-ship. There've been fires i space before, haven't
there? And everybody lived? Of course the newS people are pushing fear. That's their
drug, making everybody scared, as iflife's not scary enough. News fear isn't real.
This chaplain's real, too real; he makes her nervous, and she wants him gone. But
Graham brought him here. Graham's trying to do something for her. Graham, who
may now be her only child, is trying to be a good and loving son. He doesn't have
many ways to take care of her. She has t let him.
So she and Graham bow their heads, and the caplain says a quick, bland prayer
for safety and a good outcome and comfort for all the families here on earth, and
squeezes her shoulder, and asks if she needs to talk.
''Thank you, reverend, but I need t talk to my son. I don't have long with hm, as
you know. It's his birthday."
''Happy birthday
,
" the chaplain says sofly, and leaves.
Graham wipes his eyes. The prayer seems to have moved him far more than it did
her. "Mama, I don't know how we'll know if she's-"
"She's fine," Vangie says. She hears her own voice, too shrill, too loud. She recog
nizes that voice: it's how she talked when Graham was arrested, in the weeks before
his sentencing when she had to hope that somehow everything would work out, that
he'd get of. Maybe everything will be fine, and if you say so loudly enough, maybe
you'll believe it. "We don't know anything. Until we know for sure, she's fine. And she
sent you something, Graham." She calls over a guard and asks for the laptop.
He brings it. This no longer surprises her. Her dread at the improbable run ofluck
is gone now, and she refuses to let any other dread replace it.
The guard clears his throat. "I need to stay here while you use it."
"Yes. We understand."
He turns on the machine, and Vangie, hands shaking only a little, inserts the
thumb drive and opens the file. Somebody's set the laptop volume too high: there's a
74 Susan Palwick
Asimov's
blast of music, the theme music for the genship, like it's some kind of T show, and
then "Happy Birthday, Graham!" fills the screen in flowery letters, and then there's
Zel's face. Vangie hasn't seen it in months, except in photos. Zel's smiling. She loks
healthy. Her hair's short, and she's wearing a white Tshirt; behind her, Vangie sees
metal walls, a white corridor, people walking through it.
Vangie turs down the volume so Zel's voice will sound normal. "Hey, Graham! I
hope Mama got this message to you in time for your birthday, but if not, happy be
lated. I only have about a minute, but I just wanted you to know that I miss both of
you and think about you all the time. The ship's a little boring but not too bad. I'm
still working with the plants. I like it." Zel holds up a tiny yellow jacket. "I crocheted
this. One of my eggs took: I'm going to be a mom!" Her grin's huge now, the expres
sion Vangie remembers fyom summer trips to the public pool, from the times Zel got
to play with a neighbor's dog, fom when she rushed over to tell Vangie she'd won a
place on the ship. "So Mama, you're going to be a grandma, and Graham's going to
be an uncle! And whatever the baby is, I'm naming it after one of you. It will be one
of the first babies born here. I'm getting special food and everything, lots of vitamins.
It's a big deal. Okay, that's my time. Love you both. Bye."
The message ends. The room's quieter than Vangie's ever heard it. She feels that
pressure at her back and turns to find a crowd around the table: other inmates and
visitors, other guards. The guy who manned the metal detector, the woman at the
desk. The chaplain. Some of them are snifling. They look stricken. They look alike,
whatever they're wearing, uniforms or prison jumpsuits or street clothing.
They heard the music. They canle to watch the message from the ship.
"We don't know anything yet," Vngie says. Her voice sounds like her own again.
"Not for sure. And whatever's happening up there, we can't do anything about it. To
day is my son Graham's bithday. Help me sing to him."
And they do. It's a ragged chorus gathered by shock and tragedy, wavering and off
key, and it won't last long, but it's here now. And Vangie knows that's luck, too. 0
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