CongressmanMarkSanford

September12at12:45pm
Iapologizeforthelengthofthispost,butgiventhegravityoftheissueathandwhenIsatdownto
writelatelastnightalonglistofthingscametomymind.
Morethananything,Iamstruckbytwotruths.One,itseemsthathistorywelldocumentsthat
thosewhoworktoavoidconflictatallcostswindupbeingthosedestinedinmanyinstancesto
findmuchconflict.Peaceatallcostsrarelybringsit.Ontheotherhand,Jesuswasincredibly
clearinthebookofLukethatwearetoturntheothercheekatoffensesandthatifsomeonetook
ourshirt,weweretoofferourcoataswell.
InthislightIhavestruggledinhowtorespondsincebeingcontactedlittlemorethanaweekago
regardingyetanotherlawsuitbyyetanew,andthird,lawyerretainedbymyformerwifeJenny.I
firstlearnedofitthroughthemediaandIdidntwanttorespondatall,butgiventhelevelof
accusationafterwaitingadayIgaveabriefresponse.
MyquestionnowthoughishowtorespondgivenIambeingsummonedtothecourtroomagain
onMonday.Ihaveprayedonit,thoughtonitandaskedtheadviceoffriends.
HereiswhereIhavesettled:
Icannotdothisanymore.Inalllifetherecomesapointwhereinlinesmustbedrawnintheway
thatweattempttorespondinwaysthatdontinvitemoreinthewayofconflictandaddmorein
thewayofmodelingChristshumilityingivingineveryinstance.Illnevergetthatmixright,none
ofusdo,butIbelieveitswhatwearetopursueinallofourresponsestotheinevitablerealityof
conflictinourlives.
Sohereareafewthoughtsthathitme:
One,inasmuchasyousignmypaycheckandyouhaveelectedmetorepresentyouin
Washington,IthinkIoweyoumythinkingonthispersonal,butnowpublicmatter.Morethanat
anytimeinmylife,IbelieveIamsubjecttonotjustthelawsofGod,buttheauthorityofmyfellow
man.
Two,Iamgoingtogetalawyertodefendmeonthiscase.Iwillinstructthemnottofightback,to
worktodeescalateanddefuseandtolookformeasuredjusticeandanendtocontroversy.At
thetimeofthedivorceIdidnotgetalawyerbecauseIcouldnotimaginestandinginacourt
roomwithoneinsomeadversarialformagainstthemotherofourboys.Sincethen,andalmost
asclockworkoverthelastfourandonehalfyearssincethedivorce,unfortunatelytherehas
beeneitherthethreatoflawsuitoractuallawsuitabouteverysixmonths.IneveryinstanceIhave
eithersettled,representedmyselforgottentwolongtimefriendstohelpmeinresponding.Ihave
alwaystriedtoquietthematterbecauseatsomanydifferentlevelsIwantedtodoanythingto
avoidconflict.Ididntwanttofurtherhurtorembarrasstheboys,Jenny,thepeopleIhadonce
representedorevenmyselfwithmoretalkonmypersonallife.Infactmorepublicconflictafter
theeventsoffiveyearsagowasthelastthingintheworldIwanted.
Therewasalsotheissueofmoney.Spendingmoneygettinglawyerstoresolvedifferences,
whenIbelievedanytwopeoplesittingdowncoulddothesame,alsobrokewithmybeliefon
stewardshiporwhatsomewouldcallmyfrugalways.ButhereweareandIamcomfortable
knowingIhavetriedneareverythingwithinmypowertoavoidlawyersandcourtandinmy
beliefthatIwillcontinuetoworktoavoidacrimonygoingforward.Iamsimplyhandingoffthe
keysindealingwiththissothatIcanfocuswithoutfurtherdistractiononourboysandmyworkin
Washington.
Three,letsrecognizethedegreetowhichwhatsbeingdoneseemsdesignedtoembarrassme
ratherthanchangeanything.AsmentionedIneverhiredalawyeratthetimeofthedivorcewhich
inpracticaltermsmeansIjustfoldedallthecardsingivingJennywhatshewantedatthattime.
ShewantedacertainfinancialnumberthatIdidnthave,andsoIgaveherpiecesofourfamily
farmthatmydadandmomassembledinthe1950sand60s.Theywereobviouslynotmarital
assetsnormallydividedinadivorce,buttheonlywayIcouldmanagetogettohernumber.She
wantedfullcustodyoftheboys,Igaveit.Shewantedfullcontroloftheircustodialaccounts
whichwereverysignificantinsize,Igaveit.Ididthesethingsfortworeasons.One,becausemy
goodfriendCubbyCulbertsonhadremindedmethatitwasallGodsandifhewantedyouto
havemore,youwouldandifhewantedyoutohaveless,youwouldhaveless.Heaccordingly
stronglyadvisedagainstspendingmoneyandtimeandcontroversyfightingoverthingsthatGod
ultimatelycontrolled.Itwasgoodadvice.IalsodiditbecauseinthatchapteroflifeIcouldnot
takeanymorecontroversy,andwhatJennyhadsaidatthattimewasthatifshedidntgetthose
thingswewouldgotocourtandjusthaveanotherpublicspectacle.Ifoundthatideahaunting,
andsoIindeedfoldedallthecardsandthatbringsustotoday.
Jennysattorneysnewestsummonsasksthatthevisitationschedulebechangedtolimitmy
visitationwithouryoungestsonBlake.Thequestionishowdoyouchangewhatdoesnotexist?
Thereisnovisitationschedule.Shehasfullcustody.Overthelastfiveyearsshehas
determinedthevisitationscheduleandinformedmeatthebeginningofthisyearthatIwouldnot
begivenone.Ipleadedotherwise,pointingoutthatnoboywantstobeputintheplaceofhaving
topickbetweentheirmotheranddad.
Thisyearwithnoschedulehascertainlyresultedinalotoftimeapartfromtheboys,asfor
instanceIwasnotabletospendanightwithBoltonfor17weeksthisspring.Thesameholds
truelastyearwhentheywerenotallowedtobewithmeduringthefivemonthsofthecampaign,
savetheelectionnights.Thetrumpcardhasalwaysbeen,ifyoudontlikeit,takemetocourt,
andforallthereasonsdescribedthishasneverbeenaplaceIfeltcomfortablegoing.The
absenceofschedulenowsimplyresultsinstrangeemails,asforinstanceIgotonetwodays
agofromJennysnewlawyeradvisingmethattoarrangeanyvisitwithBlakeIshouldcome
throughher.IfIhadnormalparentalrightswhyintheworldwouldIbegettinganotelikethisfrom
anattorneywheninthatcaseoursonwantsnothingmorethantogototheUSCfootballgame?
Sohereismytakeaway.Tonowsuggestthatweneedtoamendwhatdoesnotexiststrikesme
aseitherpuretheatreorapunitiverestrictiontofurtherlimitwhathasdevolvedtobeverylimited
timewiththeboys.
Four,letscallanaceanacewhensomeoneisplayingforthemedia.Infactthereisatouchof
ironywhenonereadsabouttheattorneysdesiretosealtherecordstoprotectthechildrenat
theverytimewhenIamgettingcallsandemailsfromacrossthecountryfromfriendsreading
aboutthismatterintheirhometownpapers.Letmegiveyouafewexamplesofthewaysomeof
theseaccusationsseemdesignedtogeneratemediaattention,andletmeinshortformanswer
afewoftheseaccusations.
IntheirsummonsIamrestrainedfromthefollowing:
Consumingorbeingundertheinfluenceofillegaldrugsorexcessiveamountsofalcoholinthe
presence,orwhileresponsiblefor,thecareoftheminorchild.Thisreallyiscrazy.Whywould
onethrowouttheneedforrestraintifitwerenotaproblemorifonedidnotwanttoraisethe
specterofaproblem?OnthisoneallIcanaskisthatyoutalktoanyonewhohasseenorknown
meovermyentire54yearsintheLowCountry.Ihavenevertakenanyillegaldruginmylife.Idid
notdrinkinhighschoolorcollegeandthoughIdodrinknow,myconsumptionissolimitedthat
myfriendsgivemeahardtimeaboutit.Iwillhavebutonebeerortwowhenoutatasocial
occasion.
RestrainedfromenteringorattemptingtoenterthepropertyofPlaintiff.Wehavealreadybeen
throughthiswiththeSuperbowlandmytakingouryoungestsonBlakehomefromaSuperbowl
partytwoyearsagowhenhismomwasoutoftown.Imadethewrongcall(thoughIthoughtthe
rightcallasadadtobewithhimandnottojustdrophimoff)andhaveneversetfootonher
propertysincethen.Idontknowwhythisisbeingbroughtbackupagain.
"Exposingtheminorchildovernighttoamemberoftheoppositesexnotrelatedbybloodwho
couldbereasonablyconstruedasaparamour.ThoughJennyherselfhascertainlynotlivedup
tothisclauseitisclearlyaimedatmegivenneareveryoneknowsaboutBelenandinthatregard
itseemsdesignedtocreateintriguewherenoneexists.Theyoungerboyshaveneverspenta
nighthousedunderthesameroofwithBelenandwiththeexceptionofonenightandamajor
conversationthatlastedwellintothatnight,thesameholdstruefortheolderboys.Iwas
primarilymotivatedtodosobyalovefortheboysandwantingtogotogreatlengthstonever
againputtheminanuncomfortablespot.Iwasalsomotivatedbyfearbecausetherewasvery
frequentlyaconsequenceinnotbeingallowedtoseetheboysifIdidsomethingmyformerwife
disliked.
Norelationshipcanstandforeverthistensionofbeingforcedtopickbetweentheoneyoulove
andyourownsonordaughter,andforthisreasonBelenandIhavedecidedtocalloffthe
engagement.MaybetherewillbeanotherchapterwhenwaterscalmwithJenny,butatthispoint
theenvironmentisnotconducivetobuildinganythinggivennoonewouldwanttobecaughtin
themiddleofwhatsnowhappening.BelenisaremarkablywonderfulwomanwhoIhavealways
lovedandIwillbeforevergratefulfornotonlythemanyyearswehaveknownandlovedeach
other,butthelastsixverytoughoneswhereinshehasencouragedmeandsilentlyborneits
tribulationswithhereverwarmandkindspirit.
Finally,Jennyandherlawyeralsogoontoaskmetoundertakeanarrayofprogramsand
evaluations,eachonemorerivetingthanthenext.Asapublicfigurepeoplehaveseenmeover
twentyyearsinthehighsandlowsandmosttryingoftimes,andifIwasplaguedbythe
afflictionstheysuggestwouldntpeoplehaveseenmemadorangrybynow?InsimplestformI
dontunderstandhowIcanbeelectedbyawidearrayoffolksathometoattempttorepresent
theirinterestsinWashington,butifthePlaintiffsviewwastoprevail,berequiredtotake
psychiatricandpsychologicalevaluationstobewithouryoungestson.Posingthosesortsof
questionsisdestructiveplainandsimple,andinfairnesstomyfriendsinthemediaifthosetype
questionsareraisedtheywillreportthemwhichiswhyyouhavebeensubjectedtoreading
thisresponseandmediaaccounts.
Sowheredoesallthisleaveus?
One,withmycontinuedbeliefthatforwhateverourdifferences,Ibelievetheseboyshaveamom
wholovesthemandcaresaboutthem.Iwillneverattempttodetractfromherorallthepositive
thingsshehasdoneinherlife,buthavingtogofrequentlytoaskaformerspousewhenyoucan
havetimewithasonisarecipeforconflict.IhopeandbelieveJennyandIcanfindanewway.
Itsalsoreminderforeveryoneofyouwhohavebeenblessedtoavoidtheagonyofdivorce,of
howimportantitisyouspendtimewhenyouhaveitwiththosewhonowbearyourname.
Two,IamleftwithawiseoldestsonwhoswisdomistofollowChristsexampleofjustlettinggo
andtrustingthatGodisincontrolandwillensurehisyoungestbrothersfuturesuccess.Thatthe
keytoendingconflictsometimesjustmeanswalkingawayfromit.IfthereisawayIcandothat
withoutwalkingfrommyson,Iwillpursueit.
Finally,Iamlefthumbledinmyinabilitytodetermineoutcomesandremindedagainofhowthe
onlythingwecanultimatelyworkonfixingisourselves.Soformethesedaysitmeans
rededicationtotryingasbestIcantowalkinthelightofGodsgrace.Itmeanspointingtotruth
whereverIseeitandtryingtolivebyit.ItmeanslisteningabitmoresothatmaybeIcanbetter
understandthegrandcanvasofwhatIdontseeandunderstand.
Thispostinghasbeenmostpersonal,butagaingiventhegravityofwhathasbeenallegedIfelt
compelledtoaddressitandthelargercontextofwhereourfamilyisandwhereweareheaded.I
askforbothyourprayersandconsiderationinthisprocess.
Thankyou.Mark