IELSTS 8 Test 3

Task 1

The graph illustrates the amount of merchandises which was carried in the UK in 1974 to 2002
by four means of transport. Overall, although there was moderate fluctuations, a gradual
increase was seen in all four categories.
Looking first at road and water, it is noticeable that both experienced a steady rise in the
quantities during the time period given. Both look similar in the point that there was one sharp
growth at a specific point of time: road in 1996 and water in 1978.
Turning to rail, it started with 40 million tonnes in 1974, and kept decreasing for the next
decade to 30 million in 1984. After there was a mild fluctuation between 1984 and 1995, rail
rocketed its point reaching to 70 million tonnes in 2002.
Lastly, pipeline marked the most dramatic rise among the categories during the time period.
Although it began with 5 million tonnes, less than 10% of road at the time, in 1974, it grew
up steadily and finished with 25 million, which is five-fold that of its first record.
(24 minutes, 177 words)
Comment [AB1]: Merchandise uncountable
- no - s
Comment [AB2]: Not really a synonym for
transported moved around conveyed.
Comment [AB3]: Fluctuations were (plural)
Comment [AB4]: In quantity sounds better
here the is not necessary. You are talking
about a general trend.

A rise in quantity

However:

An amount of
The amount of
Comment [AB5]: This sounds a bit strange
the word point usually goes with opinions or
specific moments of time.
Both look similar in that there was one
Comment [AB6]: a sharp rise/increase not
growth (growth in the number of)
Comment [AB7]: It would be a good idea to
write the number in brackets here for them;
road (98); water (58).
Comment [AB8]: In this type of sentence you
are better to say: - rail saw its numbers
rocket/ rail experienced a rocketing/
increase.
Comment [AB9]: Reach 70 million not reach
to no preposition needed.
Comment [AB10]: It might be a good idea to
repeat the full subject here: goods
transported through a pipeline market the
most..
Comment [AB11]: Grew steadily (grow up is
for people)
IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment


Addresses the requirements
of the task. Presents an
overview with information
appropriately selected Lots
of relevant detail. Perhaps
you might have benefited
from a little more detail with
more figures (road in 1996
and water in 1978) .Also
the summary sentence was
excellent in the introduction.

Clearly presents and
highlights key
features/bullet points - you
draw relevant comparison of
key points using accurate
time references and details.


7.0
Cohesion and Coherence


Logically organises
information and ideas; there
is clear progression
throughout the task.

Uses a range of cohesive
devices - you link well
introducing information with
phrases: looking first at;
turning to; after; although
excellent linking between
sentences and within them.


7.0
Lexical resource


Uses sufficient vocabulary
for the task. Flexible and
appropriate use of language.
You used some collocation
like steady rise but you
made some mistakes: sharp
growth and rocketed its
points; grew up steadily.
The language is consistent
with a score 6.5. More
practice of using word forms
flexibly fluctuate

6.5
fluctuation; increase (verb
and noun); rise (verb and
noun) will get you a higher
score.

Grammatical Range
and accuracy


Good and often error free
sentences. Produces
frequent error-free
sentences and punctuation
but may make a few errors
has good control of
grammar. A solid piece of
writing with not too many
weaknesses.



7.0


Overall score: 7. An excellent piece of writing perhaps some slightly better use of collocation;
and the interchangeable use of nouns and verbs would bring the vocabulary higher.















Task 2
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and
fitness are decreasing.
What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to
solve them?
Obesity is becoming a serious concern in many developed countries nowadays. For a healthier
life of human-beings, analysis of the causes and appropriate countermeasures are required.
First of all, todays imbalanced eating habit should be regarded as the primary cause of the
problem. In the last few decades, more and more people become frequent customers of fast
food restaurant, and enjoys themselves with a high-calorie meals. What is worse, as people
become to eat quicker, the amount of fats absorbed into human body tends to increase
enormously, and it leads to a serious fatness.
In addition, people become so dependent on technologies, such as cars and lifts, that they lose
opportunities to do exercise in their everyday life. The lack of physical activity weaken the
muscle and bones of human body, and thereby increases peoples laziness even more.
As the first countermeasures, governments should conduct a raising awareness campaign to
make people realise how poor their current cuisines are. Also, health education should be
delivered to especially young people as they are the main customers of fast food shops, and
likely to get obese if they continue unhealthy lifestyle.
More importantly, public sports facilities such as football parks and swimming pools, need to
be expanded to encourage people to work out more. Variety of the playgrounds is the key
since it gives citizens a wider range of options so that they can come across their favourites:
the more enjoyable it is, the more likely they are to continue to exercise.
To sum up, the inappropriate eating and the absence of workout account for todays health
problems related to obesity. Governmental actions, such as awareness campaign and
improvement of sports centres, are required to keep people in shape and enrich their life.
(56 minutes, 291 words)


IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment


Presents a relevant position
throughout. A well- argued
piece of writing. Your

6.5

Comment [AB12]: This is o.k. but maybe
better:

In order to achieve a healthier lifestyle for
human- beings,
Comment [AB13]: the/an analysis of the..
because you are using the preposition of
you must use the.
Comment [AB14]: O.K. but better might be:

Todays tendency for adopting poor eating
habits should/ todays poor eating
habits should be
Comment [AB15]: Because you say in the last
few decades this connects the past with the
present. Therefore have become is better
(present perfect)>
Comment [AB16]: Enjoy high-calorie meals/
indulge themselves in high-calorie meals.
Comment [AB17]: This this fact
Comment [AB18]: Serious obesity/ high levels
of fat in the body.
Comment [AB19]: Certain technologies
Comment [AB20]: Weakens (the lack of
single subject).
Comment [AB21]: the human body there
is only one.
Comment [AB22]: As the first
countermeasure/ as one of the first
...
Comment [AB23]: An awareness raising
campaign
Comment [AB24]: Especially to
Comment [AB25]: Consumers of fast food
(shops)
Comment [AB26]: Continue with an
unhealthy lifestyle/ continue their unhealthy
...
Comment [AB27]: The number of/ the range
of needs to be expanded to
Comment [AB28]: work out means
exercise in the gym maybe better to
...
Comment [AB29]: A variety of facilities
Comment [AB30]: Come across means to
find something suddenly - maybe better ' so
...
Comment [AB31]: Poor eating habits and lack
of exercise account for
Comment [AB32]: An awareness campaign
Comment [AB33]: Improvements in the
range/ the availability of sports centres/
...
paragraph 3 which introduces
the countermeasures probably
needs a more general
introduction to show what the
main idea is:

The key to improving the
situation is information.
Governments should
conduct.. In addition health
education should be.

Cohesion and Coherence


Logically organises
information and ideas; there is
clear progression throughout.
Paragraph two is excellent in
terms of the flow of ideas. I
wonder about the line: More
importantly, public - is
it more important than the
points you made before?
Possibly of equal importance
is

7.0

Lexical resource


Uses a sufficient range of
vocabulary to allow some
flexibility and precision. Uses
less common lexical items
with some awareness of style
and collocation e.g.
countermeasures; imbalance;
awareness; obesity;
imbalanced; cuisine. Some
inappropriate word choices:
workout; come across.

6.5
Grammatical Range
and accuracy


Uses a variety of complex
structures. Makes some errors
in grammar and punctuation
but they rarely reduce
communication. There are
some mistakes related to
articles; word order verbs with



7.0
s endings.


Overall score: 7.0. Another solid piece of work. Not much to fault. The issues relate to
vocabulary and occasional inappropriate word choice.