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Dr Liz Miller
A place of hope and recovery
for those passing through its doors
Employment for health?
First-person accounts of the
self-esteem employment can bring
From Steven Frys documentary: The
Secret Life of the Manic Depressive,
talks to Equilibrium
Environment & its effects
on our wellbeing
News in brief
How Fenella Lemonsky
reordered her life
Eating disorders and hope
for everyone interested in mental health in Haringey
MIND
artists
Magazine for Mental Health
Clarendons
new allotment!
equilibrium 2
Liz Miller from BBC2s
The Secret Life of the
Manic Depressive
4
equilibrium
Contents
03 News in brief
04 Liz Miller
Bipolar disorder
06 Rich red soil
A trip back to Africa
07 Ageism
Defnitive old age?
08 Maytree
Sanctuary of hope
10 Environmental issues
Effects on our health
11 Poem
12 Fenella Lemonsksy.
A long road to travel
14 Un/employment?.
Back into paid work
16 More news in brief
EQUILIBRIUM has reached its quarter century
of issues! We continually look onwards and
upwards!In this Issue we take a look at the
environment and its effects on mental health
situations such as in schools, work, and our own
home and family environments. nsights into
those who manage mental health an interview
with Dr Liz Miller (who participated in the BBC2
documentary) on positive recovery and hope.
Hope, also, to recover from eating disorders,
and information about Maytree sanctuary for the
suicidal in Finsbury Park. We also look at ageism
as part of societys considerations. A member
takes a visit to her homeland in East Africa. We
also have entrants to the MIND art competition.
Pumla Kisosonkole
returns home for some
respite
6
What age is defnitive
old age?
7
Maytree respite home
for the suicidal: a true
sanctuary
8
Fenella Lemonsky on
mentalisation and how
it helped her
12
Artists showcase their
work in Gallery23
19
Equilibrium, Clarendon Centre, Clarendon Road, London, N8 ODJ. 02084894856, email: equilibriumteam@hotmail.co.uk
We are in the offce on Wednesday mornings, but you can leave a message at other times and we'll get back to you.
Facilitator: Polly Mortimer.
Editorial team: Pumla Kisosonkole, Ginny Strakosz, Angela.
Graphic Design: Anthony Park.
The views expressed in Equilibrium are those of the individual authors
and do not necessarily refect the opinions of the editorial team.
editorial
4
6
7
8
12 19
17 Poetry review
18 Gallery23
MIND art competition
20 Equilibrium
The last 24 issues!
equilibrium3
The Japanese Society of
Psychiatry and Neurology has
abandoned the concept of
schizophrenia after pressure from
user groups. 'Seishin Bunretsu
Byo (mind split disease) has been
formally renamed Togo Shitco Sho
(integration disorder).
Football for health User group pressure
Research news
FOOTBALL , schizophrenia
and depression! A psychiatrist
in Rome, Mauro Raffaeli,
has started a competitive
football team with patients with
schizophrenia and depression
with great results. Over half
have cut down on their drug
intake and more than half
have returned to work. Voice
hearer Benedetto Quirino
was pestered by voices until
he became a rightwinger for
the team. When you run out
on the pitch, the voices stop.
Your opponent is no longer
inside you, he has come out
and you can dribble round and
beat him. 50 other squads of
patients have sprung up over
taly - Dr Raffaeli's charges
are the champions of the 2006
all-Italy tournament and are
searching for international
fxtures. (adapted from the
Guardian Jan 8 2007)
Recoverers help recovery
The James Nayler Foundation,
a charity based in the Isle
of Wight to help those with
personality and/or conduct
disorders and educate the public
in the causes and treatments,
has been establishing an
Emotion Support Centre for
'Recoverers Helping Others
Recover' free of charge with
appointments for individual and
group support.
Their vision is to develop
and test a model for Emotion
Support Centres that are robust
enough to be copied and
spread throughout the country
as AA and the Samaritans
spread. More information:
Emotion Support Centre, Unit
B6, Spithead Business Centre,
Newport Road, Sandown, Isle of
Wight PO36 9PH. info@esc99.
org. www.TruthTrustConsent.
com. 01983 401700
FATH plant centre in Haringey
(see issue 24) has been given
2,520 by Abbey Charitable Trust
to go towards an accessible
organic garden, a composting
area and seats for visitors to
relax.
FAITH plant centre
Paid to take drugs!
An East London mental
health team pays some
patients to take psychiatric
drugs at 5-15 per jab.
news in brief news in brief
www.london.gov.uk
Indictment of access to treat-
ment in the capital and the
inadequacies. Minuses include
Long waiting lists
Confusing referral procedures
Lack of information about
available services
Confusingly numerous
agencies providing services,
statutory ,voluntary and private
Offce hours only culture
NHS cuts delaying new
initiatives
Lack of partnership between
services
Reasearch released lately
shows no clear evidence for
the benefts of Community
Treatment Orders (CTOs),
which form a key part
of the Governments
Mental Health Bill. In an
international comparison
of countries with similar
provisions, researchers
commissioned by the Dept
of Health concluded that
it is impossible to say that
supervised community
treatment has any beneft.
They go further and say that
enhanced services, such
as assertive community
outreach teams, should be
considered as a better way
of achieving the goal of
increasing compliance and
reducing relapse.
Mental health maze
Equilibriums Believe it or not:
35-40 % of all offcial
prescriptions are impure
placebos pharmacologi-
cally inactive substances
contaminated with a tiny
amount of active ingredient
not enough to have a clini-
cal effect.
The French take 8 times as
many antidepressants as the
Americans. Britons take 5
times as many.
equilibrium
Whats your experience of mental illness
and treatment?
Awful!! the frst time was sectioned, no one told me
where I was for 48 hours, I didnt have a toothbrush
for a week, I wasnt allowed to tell anyone where
I was. The behaviour of some of the nurses was
awful - patients were provoked, then jumped on and
injected, patients were bullied by
other patients and so on. As far as I can tell, the
conditions that severely
mentally ill people are kept in, have deteriorated
rather than improved in the years since was frst in
hospital. The treatment was and still is, medieval.
Why did you decide to participate in the
Stephen Fry programme?
It was an opportunity to show that there is life
after mental illness, that it is possible to make a
full recovery, come off medication, and get back
at work. I have been lucky in many respects. As a
doctor, I have had access to research, and most of
all have had the scientifc education that helps me
make sense of what is written about mental illness.
Even though for the most part, medical science still
has no idea what causes manic depression.
Equilibrium talks to Dr Liz Miller
The Secret Life of
the
Manic Depressive
... revisited
4
equilibrium
I have also been lucky in very many other ways,
not least because have had a level of fnancial
security. Although to be honest doctors are some
of the most prejudiced people have come across
when it comes to stigmatising mental illness.
What was it like taking part in the
programme?
Stephen Fry is great - he is genuinely friendly, fun,
lively and highly intelligent. t was fun! t was also
harrowing - going back to the Bethlem Hospital and
reliving the memories of being sectioned and being
in hospital there.
What are your everyday strategies for
coping with life, and aiding recovery?
Mood management is key- the frst part is knowing
how you feel - it then becomes possible to fnd out
what has made you feel like that and what you can
do to help yourself feel better. Mood is everything
- everything feeds into mood - thoughts, beliefs,
values, emotions, relationships, self talk, physical
health and environment. Most of the time most
people don't notice their moods, because as long
as they are in the 'right' mood and as long as their
mood is stable and predictable. The goldfsh doesn't
notice the water it swims in, at least not unless the
temperature goes up or down or it gets turbulent.
Depression and anxiety are examples of being in
the wrong mood and the problem that many people
have, is that they are not aware of their mood until it
has become so extreme that it is diffcult to manage.
Depression is like exhaustion and anxiety is a posh
word for fear. The trick is to kill the monster while
its small' by tackling mild depression and 'trivial'
anxieties. n that way, they never get bad enough to
cause real distress. am not saying its easy, but it is
an achievement.
t starts with mood monitoring. For many years, sat
down two or three times a day and said to myself
'How do feel?' and 'What has caused me to feel
the way do at the moment?' With time, learned to
be more aware of my mood, to fnd out what caused
it and then to manage it better.
Physical health is vitally important - a healthy diet
and plenty of exercise, avoiding processed food,
alcohol and cigarettes - walking,cycling, swimming,
running, walking upstairs rather than taking the lift,
walking part of the way to work. Anything that gets
the pulse rate going up a little bit.
How would you like to see mental health
service provision in the year 2025?
I would like see it abolished! by that I mean I
would like to see us so good at managing our
mental health because self awareness and mood
management are taught in schools, prisons,
hospitals and in the community generally. People
know who they are and are proud of their identity.
They have a healthy respect for themselves and
others, and we live in communities that provide the
support we all need. In this world, people do not
become so distressed that they become ill. With
the improvement in mental health would come an
improvement in physical health. Such a programme
would pay for itself within a decade.
Do believe its possible? Yes do! Even from the
frst moment was sectioned, saw that the people
in the ward were not ill or had disease, but I saw
instead that they were damaged human beings.
That image has stayed with me for over twenty
years. My experience as a neurosurgeon showed
me how much damage the brain can recover from.
People who have had major head injuries go on to
rebuild their lives. I do not believe that mental
illness has to be a permanent state. The brain can
recover from the most horrifc injuries. We did not
evolve to fall at the frst post, or even the last post.
We need to make sure we have the right keys to
understand ourselves and others, with honesty,
kindness and compassion.
One tiny question - isnt it bipolar disorder
these days?
A rose by any other name? Bipolar disorder doesn't
sound quite as dramatic as manic depression, so
perhaps the name was intended to raise viewing
fgures.
5
equilibrium
red
soil
by Pumla Kisokinsole
The sight of rich red soil seemingly coming up to
meet the aeroplane tyres strikes a warm glow in one.
Anything in the ground is luscious green of fowering
in colours impossible to put an adjective to.
The blueness of the water on the lake (the expanse
of the worlds 3
rd
largest inland lake) is what could
be a dictionary defnition of 'perfect blue'. And with
the very orange sun around sunrise, everything has
a healthy glow. Foods and bright coloured fruits
everywhere.
People are always talking, even among strangers
in public transport called 'taxis', with a 12 person
capacity, often extra rows having been inserted for the
purpose, so that there is always a fip down end seat
for ease of movement to and from the back rows.
All this is mentally challenging, as also visually, when
one looks at nothing but bright colours in every day
wear for instance.
On top of this, one is expected not only to know the
exact location of ones destination, the name (at
Zana's refers to a bar run almost illicitly during Amin
days, but now a stage ('Bus Stop') ) but also tender
the right amount. The process of counting would
betray ignorance of every day life (presumably there
are identifying pictures, colours for each value note).
Also get the head around the number 1,000 much as
1 would be!!
Life in the fast lane is nothing to the speed of public
vehicles! At this speed, anything that's alive on the
road (chickens, cows, goats etc even a 12 foot
python on one occasion!!) won't stay like that for long!
f you're suffering from Western diagnosed mental
disorder, this is a cure highly to be recommended.
(We all know of only one main mental Institution
in Uganda!)
Rich
6
equilibrium7
Throughout life have always had younger looks
which could be used to advantage or disserve one
as a disadvantage!
Now having qualifed for an old people's home
coming from mental health, it's a bit like landing on
an intermediary stage to the moon!
Inertia would seem to be the descriptive word,
so when you see something moving at a pace
greater than a snail you'd be right to think you're
in the wrong place! When in the lift and a voice
squeaks hold on from about 20 feet away, press
the 3
rd
foor and then send the lift back down it's
quicker!
Admittedly it's what one makes of the place 've
gone for the 'plush' which 've always thought
unsuited to a very ordinary life. The carpets are
a deep red well suited to royalty, a huge TV
cinema screen type is a main feature. 'm thinking
of making the seating low level-to-ground level
(good for someone once hospitalised for back
trouble! Not!)
Sitting room into kitchenette has no real defnitive
division except if you've chosen washable foor
veering for the kitchen foor.
Coming from the Tropics and used to wide open
spaces both inside and outside, is this really going
to work? My feeling is that it's more like a hamster.
And the wake up call on the intercom is a shock
back into life!
Pumla Kisosonkole
age What
is00lll90 old age?
health in mind
A new supportive service run by Haringey TPCT
at Wood Green library for adults struggling with
issues like stress, worry, panic or feeling low.
If you would like:
One to one help,
Time and space for you,
Listening and emotional support,
Information & advice,
Self help techniques
Referral to other services
Drop-in to Wood Green Library, MPS room,
1st foor (lift available). Monday, Tuesday &
Wednesday afternoons 2-6pm
Wood Green Central Library High Rd, N22 6XD
Telephone 020 8489 2780. In between Wood
Green Tube and Shopping City
Based on his actual diaries, Fifty Feet and
Falling' is a one man play about the life and
death of a friend of Shoestring theatre company
who committed suicide. This Shoestring theatre
production is brought to London by local group
Mental Fight Club as part of their The Play's
The Thing' project. The project aims to help
SLaM NHS Trust develop and improve suicide
prevention services in the area. Dedicated to
the memory of Terry Jenkins.
Further info from :
Steve Hennessy 07790980688
steve.hy@blueyonder.co.uk
A Play...
equilibrium 8
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home
Interview with Paddy Bazeley
co-founder of Maytree:
a sanctuary for the suicidal
in Finsbury Park North London
Behind the walls of a tall, three storey house in
slington lies a sanctuary for those who are feeling
suicidal. The manager, Paddy Bazeley welcomes
the Equilibrium team into the lounge- calm white
walls , plants, comfy sofas but no clutter. She
explains that it is run on holistic lines we offer
trust, warmth and a safe space she says but
the rules are 4 nights, 5 days stay maximum, no
ongoing contact and no coming back. t sounds
harsh but it works. It has been assessed by the
Tavistock Clinic and guests feel it is enough time.
How do people fnd out about it? we ask
Crisis teams refer people to us if it is unsafe for
them to remain at home, and people can self-
refer by phone. We have publicity in libraries and
doctor's surgeries. They are then invited in for an
assessment interview to see if we can help. Up until
now 300 people have stayed here. All who stay will
have their own bedroom but there is only space
for up to 4 at any one time. Everyone chips in with
the cooking, though the volunteers do most of it.
We have simple food, and all eat together on the
large round table in the kitchen. Guests can cook
if they like; once we had a young Egyptian man,
who, after a couple of days here started coming out
of his shell. He cooked an Egyptian meal that his
grandmother had taught him for everyone.
Who works here and what do they do?
There are two councillors full-time and volunteers
some are trainees from University College
London or they are people who were suicidal
themselves. We act as befrienders; we are there
to listen and support. Warmth and kindness makes
the difference clients say. t can get very intense,
but a lot of humour abounds. For progress to
be made clients will need to say a bit about
themselves, but shouldnt have to feel more
vulnerable. There are always 2 staff on
duty throughout the night, we work on a
rota system. Training for the volunteers
(which runs over three evenings)
covers what it is like to be in the
house: the house rules i.e., no
drink, drugs or friends allowed
in, and the issues that might
arise.*
Do people have a key
worker while they are here?
No. What happens is the
person who does the
assessment will be here
for part of the time
when the client is
staying here and will
be the one who sees
them at the end of their
stay so that some sort
of continuity in support is
maintained.
Apart from talking, how else do the
clients spend their time here?
We tell the clients to centre themselves, they
don't have to talk to everyone, it can get a bit
heavy. Also, to pace themselves, so that talk is
interspersed with other activities like going for a
walk, or shopping, playing scrabble or reading.
equilibrium
We use the volunteers skills, if they are good at art
or craft for example, they can help a client to create
something. ts all very informal. Volunteers work a
31/2 hour shift and they are on a rota too. Some
volunteers might come back to see how a client
they worked with at the beginning of the stay is
getting on. We didn't build this in to the plan, but it
works very well, it means they also get satisfaction
from the job they have done. Although we say no
ongoing contact after the stay, many ex- clients do
contact us to let us know how they are doing. We
have to draw the line somewhere and would let
them know for instance, if someone was sending us
too many emails. One thing we are looking at now
involves the possibility of a follow-up meeting.
What happens near the end of their stay?
Part of the talking through that goes on can focus
on what people are going to do when they leave.
Boundaries are fuzzed though it is a harsh
reality and they will have to say goodbye,
A parent might come in to talk too, if the
relationship has been fraught, or we can
help a person fnd a therapist. Everyone
gets a 'goodbye' letter. This refects
on the experience they have had
at Maytree the sad and happy
elements.
Has there been any violence?
Assesment interviews are all totally confdential. The
client has to agree to house rules before staying; if
they become a danger to themselves or others, they
have to agree that appropriate action will be taken.
Does religion get mentioned here?
We are open to people of any faith, if religion is
brought up by the client, it is discussed. Particularly
in relation to suicide.
How is the house funded?
By a number of large charitable trusts and small
donations. We are a Guardian- Christmas charity of
the year-they gave us 20,000 and a lot of publicity.
The concept you have here is really brilliant,
where did you get it from?
had wanted to do something like this for a long
time. sat down informally with a group of people
to talk about it at frst. nitially, we were thinking
of having a stay of 2 weeks and having 20 to 30
people here at a time. But it would have cost a
fortune to run and with that many people over that
time scale we would have needed clinical help. At
the time , the people was seeing would often say
to me f only there was somewhere could go for a
short time, a nonjudgmental safe space, while was
in crisis; and typically most suicidal episodes are
very short lived.
What of the future/ will you expand the service?
t would be wonderful to replicate it but very diffcult
because, have to say, it's the people running it that
makes the difference. One needs to fnd people with
total dedication and commitment, total faith in
others, t's not a job it's a way of life working
here. The ethos of the place is paramount.
9
equilibrium 10
The environment is our surroundings. t affects
peoples lives. The environment is not only to do
with the 'green' aspects of the environment like
trees, rivers, and air pollution. It is also concerned
with the home, the family, the school and the work
place.
The physical environment that we live in can
affect our mental health. Living in built up cities with
lots of tower blocks, lots of traffc and few green
spaces may be harming our physical and mental
health.
Static electricity generated by synthetic
materials in micro-environments speeds up the
ageing of the air contributing to a variety of under
oxygenated blood ailments such as depression and
lethargy.
There are some unseen environmental infuence
called eIectromagnetic eIds and radiation.
Electro smog is generated by towers which are part
of the mobile networks. Electro smog is currently
being investigated.
The suspicion is that, since the information stream
in the human body is bio-electrical other electrical
felds might interfere with these patterns, causing
sleeplessness and nervousness as well as a
variety of physical symptoms.
www.sharnelnx. Com/web/Bdavey/MentalHealth.
htm.
Seasonal Affected Disorder (SAD)
: Sufferers feel down in darker months.
Polluted/Smokey air covers everything
in grime and bad smells which brings on fear of
heart attacks and asthma and negative emotional
effects.
Good weather and fresh air allows us to
see beautiful colours and smells nice scents of nice
parks. These in turn will have positive effects on
mood. Aromatherapists say the variety of scents of
herbs, fowers and fruit can be arousing, sedative or
relaxing. And colour therapist say green is calming.
The School Environment
The school environment affects mainly young.
One of the problems that happens is bullying.
Many children dont tell their parents,teachers or
anyone else because they think it will get worse.
Unfortunately some have committed suicide.
Statistics have shown that depression affects at
least 2 in 100 children under the age of 12 and 5 in
every 100 teenagers, which is very worrying. Many
children fnd the pressures in school to be too much
such as pressures of homework and examinations.
A record 8,600 under 16s were taken to hospital for
alcohol abuse last year (Daily Mirror 19.2.2007).
Peer pressure to sleep with a boyfriend or girlfriend
is a problem for teenagers today'. Some get
involved with drugs and alcohol.
Winston Churchill passed no exams at all he
became one of the greatest Prime Ministers of all
time so stop worrying.'
The Work Environment
The work place can be a very stressful environment.
The offce can cause a lot of stress and depression.
Back pain, heart disease, depression, and cancer
is connected to working long hours and the work
environment.
Mind is concerned about how the environments we
spend our time in impact on our mental health. Our
Building Solutions campaign focuses on two areas:
mental healthcare environments and workplaces.
(Mind in action, October 2006).
The environment and its
effects
on our
mental health
equilibrium11
Poem
by Anna-Maria Dipino
Workplace stress is one of the biggest
occupational health problems. The offce
should be at the right temperature and there
should be adequate natural light, ventilation
and windows.
Getting the physical environment right could
help to reduce stress and increase productivity.
Work done by the Trade Union Congress
(TUC) and the Health and Safety Executive
show that aspects of the physical environment
such as cramped working conditions, poor
lighting, extremes of temperature, poor
ventilation and noise levels can all create
stress (TUC, 2005).
Some people feel that the decoration in their
offce affected their mental health. (Putting
fowers or plants can increase production,
creativity, and wellbeing.)
Family/Home Environment
The family environment can have an
aggressive atmosphere which can raise stress
levels and blood pressure. Due to the high cost
of living both partners have to work full-time so
they both come home really tired. Children lose
out because the parents dont have time for
them. We are being encouraged to eat healthy
meals, but the days of the housewife are gone
for good. So the family end up eating a take-
away pizza. Domestic violence, wife battering
and child abuse also take place in the family.
It may be however that it is not so much,
or even mainly, the setting on its own which
effects our mental health, but the extent of our
individual power to escape it or alter it. (www://
sharelynx.com/web/BDavery/MentalHealth.
htm)
Global Environment
Global warming is increasing. t has an impact
on human health, because water resources are
being affected as well as agriculture and food
supply. As the environment declines so will
human health. Pollution of the atmosphere, and
pollution of water supplies lead to the spread of
disease.
Excuse me Ms may I come down your way
And please hear, and listen and note on what I must say
Take an hour aside
As take you along for a ride
No it will not be bad
Maybe a little sad
Please beg you get on the phone
And tell them to leave my centre alone
Do you know what it is like to be me?
No thought not as you cannot see
My mental illness is my key
But it was not meant as my destiny
My problems of woe
Happened ages ago
What do you think you see?
That mental illness is a plaster that you stick on your cut knee?
Do you think that it heals?
After you take a few pills?
My illness started in nineteen ninety four
When my life was nearly destroyed by a whore
Who gives you the right?
To make me have to stand up and fght
I hope and I do pray
That mental illness doesnt come your way
If it does, then you know why I have these words that I say
LEAVE CLARENDON DAY CENTRE AND GO AWAY
This life all around me that you see
Do you think that it is as easy as learning your A B C?
A healthy living centre hear you say
But mmmmmmm think how are you going to fnd the funds to pay?
CLARENDON I must say
Has been a God send in each and every way
Now you say you dont want to meet
But you are willing to kick me out on the street
Six months to a year max
I read it sent by fax
You want me to go to a place far away
Hell no I say
While there is still life in me
You are not going to taste victory
This place and for people like me
Is our place of security
You dont see
What life is for me
So do need to get on the phone?
And evict them from my home
equilibrium
How Fenella Lemonsky used mentalization to reorder her life
Im Fenella Lemonsky, Im a service user and
an Expert by Experience. In a previous issue of
Equilibrium there was an article by Dr Bateman
about Mentalization Based Therapy . I was a patient
in the Halliwick Day Hospital for two and a half years
and have been followed up since in out patients-
using MBT and psychotherapeutic support to help
me achieve some stability in my life. used to binge
eat, abuse laxatives, self harm, have bad mood
swings, and be a frequent A&E attendee as well
as having a life that centred on despair. Through
attending the unit have overcome my eating
disorder, stopped self harming and have achieved
some stability. My life is not a bed of roses-I am
still seen by Dr Bateman to help me both remain
emotionally on an even keel (emotionally regulated)
and to keep working on the other areas of my life
that need improving and my continual need to
mentalize a bit more than I currently do!
started at the unit after a good assessment which
I found as useful as the professionals and started
fnding my feet. My stay in the day hospital was not
without diffculties- all us sufferers trying to manage
our demons a bit better. What I found most useful
was being given the opportunity to think through
things rather than being judged and taking the risk of
looking inwards and evaluating how things could be
done differently i.e. when my mother would upset
me instead of flling up my food trolley or swallowing
pills. Using my fellow sufferers and the staff to help
me gain a better perspective, understanding and
refection on how would respond to emotional
triggers. This took time and the work did in groups
as well as with my individual therapist -who at
A long road
12
equilibrium
times was quite confrontational when
he felt I needed a reality check was very
motivating -a richly expressive, warm
and compassionate therapist. I learnt
many things. learnt about being able to
Stop and Think over time before shoving
down my gob or launching into an affect
storm that at times was soul destroying,
frightening and a lonely place to be.
Opening up and asking for help was hard
in that sharing the diffcult experiences
I had in both child and adulthood was
asking me to kind of not forget what
happened but work through the pain and
anguish and develop a better sense of
me and fnd a new better Fenella. This
was a long road to travel down but using
a combination of the psychodynamic
therapy, creative therapies like art and
creative writing and pottery which
enjoyed and the group work it meant a life
for me away from constant self neglect
and despair was achievable.
I have been able slowly and surely to
develop other areas of my life and Dr
Batemans beady eye has meant I have
developed a strong keep working at it
ethic engrained in me now. f slack off
am soon told!
I have moments in my life now where I
can smile a bit more and laugh. Life is
less black and white-a common distorted
BPD concept and I see so many shades
of grey in between now. am open to be
challenged and fnd a better way. am
fnding manage the emotional triggers
as mentalize better. Things like if
someone says something upsetting-being
hypersensitive like many borderlines I
would lose it into rage or crumble and feel
the world for me was crumbling over me
and I felt overwhelmed. Now I can stop,
think and see the other persons viewpoint
which may or may not be distorted but I
see that whatever they feel and express
is just that what they are feeling and
expressing and it doesn't mean then
that my day is destroyed in the process
-although at times when am upset or
moved from something physically have
now learnt to move my body and change
my immediate environment if possible
and fnd a better place or something
helpful and productive to engage in. That
for me is mentalizing.
now run an eating disorder
support group and work with an art
psychotherapist and aim to support
those in despair with food achieve some
stability. My group is funded by Barnet
and Haringey PCTs. am working with the
mental health trust and in Barnet to help
improve MH services.
I can be contacted on 07951 161054
for information about the North London
Eating Disorders Support group or see
www.organiclemon.org
to travel
13
equilibrium
employment?
Believing would recover. The medics had tut tutted
and said that it would get worse.ha ha! proved
them wrong.
Having hope.
Q: Describe the process of getting back into paid
employment
A: Firstly slowly cranked into voluntary work
dazed and confused and still shaking off the drugs.
I worked for what is now SCOPE in a charity shop
at the Angel run by two wonderfully non judgmental
hippies who drove an old taxi.
did a lot of cleaning work and babysitting, then
gradually took on more bits and bobs. Nothing well
paid , but it became satisfying. did outdoor clerk
work for a solicitor, research in a library, artists
modelling, driving work and ended up working in an
art gallery bookshop. worked at my own pace and
built up my confdence and self esteem hugely
important.
then had my three children each two years apart
, against dire warnings that the disorder would recur.
Not a squeak. was very neurotic though, that it
would come back., so perhaps I worked too hard at
trying to appear a perfect parent.
Aged 39 started a postgrad part time diploma
course ('d just managed to get a degree fnal
exams taken in a psych hospital.) at a local uni
when my little daughter was three. then got a p/t
job near their primary school using my qualifcation,
and went up the management ladder, to end up as
am now managing three staff as part of a secondary
school department. also edited a magazine for fve
years for a charity.
Though voluntary work is extremely valuable and
should have the same status as paid work, there
is somehow a special feeling that comes with paid
work. t brings with it ,as well as fnancial benefts, a
feeling of self worth and being part of ordinary life.
felt no longer on the margins.
Mental illness is a facer a challenge to the very
core of one's being. But one can recover know.
Ive been there.
Experience - Olive Frost
Q:When did you rst get iII, what was the
diagnosis and how did it affect you?
A: I was at uni, about 21. I am convinced now it was
a post-traumatic reaction to a serious event in my
life two years before. At the time they diagnosed
bipolar disorder told me it was a chemical
imbalance no suggestion of it being the effect of
life events.
went stir crazy frstly profoundly depressed
unable to get out of bed, make a decision, summon
up an emotion. I walked round as if my brain had
been replaced by ice. stared at the ceiling in my
crumbling attic room for months, then gradually the
mood lifted til it fipped.
I went seriously mad over the next two years
sectioned, hallucinating, deluded, grandiose,
extreme energy bouts, felt enormously creative.
I was in and out of hospital stuffed with horrible
antipsychotics like haloperidol, chlorpromazine et al
, the effects of which took ages to shake off. t was
not a therapeutic atmosphere in hospital, apart from
some good occupational therapy (football, printing,
drama, cooking etc) and bonding with some of the
inpatients and talking to the nurses. Otherwise it
was smoky, depressing and threatening, and the
wards were mixed gender.
Q:What really helped you to recover?
A: Very supportive partner (now husband) never
lost patience. My mum and dad and siblings too.
They all allowed me to chill out just slop around
and convalesce. A feeling of climbing upwards from
a rock bottom situation. felt could go down no
further and the only way out was up! One of the only
helpful things about hospital and after is that no one
expects anything from you, and you can set yourself
tiny life tasks that become major achievements
buying a stamp, peeling an orange.
Talking to my peers and close family when felt
ready. Not in a 'support group' situation, but in an ad
hoc way fnding good listeners.
Writing about my experiences.
N000fl N08l l00 000l8 0l 00l 080k l N0fk 8f0F
14
equilibrium
Transitions - by N.I. Beresford
For several years, unemployment was a period I
found extremely diffcult to deal with. To work, or not
to work? was experiencing immense strain in my
life at this period. So on the one hand, I wanted to
be free of a zone of responsibility, of work pressure,
of the fearful nine to fve, even of the individual - as
perceived it - as automated cog-in-the engine of
some dreary company machine. But on the other
hand, felt could and should be working. just
didnt know how: Id lost a belief in the value of work.
Getting back into work came by chance. was
fortunate in that respect. found a job loved in
the creative feld, a job which stimulated. This job
materialised after putting in the ground work as
a volunteer frst. Even now, have another work
placement (alongside my job) which may, or may
not, pay dividends at some point in the future.
Dealing with the transition from benefts into
paid work was a struggle. Mainly because it was
diffcult getting consistent information from benefts
advisors about options. Beneft rules appeared to
change from day to day, and individual to individual.
Eventually found a route through the bureaucracy,
stumbled upon a job offer, and took a leap of faith.
The key for me was fnding a job which was
stimulating and within my capabilities. required
a reasonable income, but as it happened fnding
employment left me worse off than when on
benefts. But didn't let this put me off: why should
? There is more to life than money! chose to
accept a fnancial loss as a downside (mostly, it is
worth noting, due to the work parameters 'd set
myself: chose not to work long hours). The upside
of entering employment far outweighed any fnancial
loss: Self-esteem is invaluable... it has no price tag.
Being back in paid work brought me self-esteem.
took a leap of faith. found work and signed off.
Which really meant, for me at least, SIGNING ON.
15
equilibrium 16
Thoughtprovoking new book:
Affuenza by Oliver James
His thesis links the rising rate of mental ill-
health to the virus of materialism. He cites
tolerance, counselling, healthy and workable
lovelife , emotional maturity , less envy of
others and small mortgages all as factors
towards a happier life style.
Angles:
f you live in a Zambian village you are much
more likely to recover from schizophrenia
than a New Yorker. 50% recover. Psychiatric
services are seen as underdeveloped in
Africa, though more recover.
10% of well people in survey worldwide hear
voices.
It may be possible in the future to abandon
psychiatric diagnoses such as schizophrenia
altogether, once the symptoms of psychosis
have been adequately explained.
All change at the Clarry?
The people in suits at Haringey
NHS Teaching Primary Care
Trust have come up with a plan!
Basically it involves redesigning
day opportunities this year
(07) assessments will be made
of clients needs ranging from
aspirations to volunteering and
employment prospects.
Then up to April 08 there will be
a redesign and retender of the
Clarendon service to establish a
healthy living centre model. This
would make it all much more
short-term clients would come
for 6-12 months to address a
specifc need.
Thus services at the centre may
change to include psychological
therapy and the Richmond
Fellowship (see article in the next
issue) among others. Funding will
also change promoting Direct
Payments.
This is a tiny version of a draft
project plan available from
Gavin at the Clarendon.
Benefts as listed in the plan
include value for money,
modernisation and adopting a
recovery-based model, reducing
the need for specialist residential
care and making possible life
outside the mental health system.
What do you think? Email
Equilibrium at equilibriumteam@
hotmail.co.uk
Or ring the Clarendon on a
Wednesday between 11 and 1 to
give us your views.
Mind welcomes key votes
on crucial amendments to the Mental
Health Bill. The House of Lords has
voted to ensure that people are only de-
tained for treatment when it can actually
treat their mental health problems, and
also to ensure that people are only de-
tained when they have a mental health
condition - not if they have solely a drug
or alcohol condition, sexual deviancy or
cultural/religious/political beliefs.
Paul Farmer, Chief Executive of Mind
today said A mental health system is
exactly that - a system that can treat
peoples health. There must be no risk
of abuse by allowing people to be given
strong medication or electro-convulsive
therapy against their wishes and with no
need for it to beneft them
equilibrium17
Poetry review
Book review:
Holistic Secrets and Accidental Pathways
By Neil Lawrence
f you're looking for something perplexing and be-
musing to chew over on a long train journey maybe,
this slim book could be just the answer.
Personally I found Neil Lawrences collection of po-
ems a struggle to understand. Almost 100% meta-
phor, the only poem which I felt I had satisfactorily
made sense of was The River. This was a consum-
mate interpretation of the tensions between pollu-
tion, life and death.
'Winding, endless belly that Holds
all secrets of Liquids disguise.
Waiting to shrivel or be Touched, open
Arms drank in whirlpools of invented disease.
Ginny Strakosz
New Scientist: Jan 2007.
reports that the time of year you are born
has a small but signifcantly increased risk
of developing depression, 'schizophrenia'
and anorexia nervosa. Reasons for this
range from maternal health during preg-
nancy (more viruses and fu around in the
winter) , exposure of the mother to sunlight
(affecting vitamin D levels), fuctuating mel-
atonin levels or the effects of temperature.
nteresting study but full of unknowns.
More info available at: www.newscientist.
com/channel/health/mental-health
Regulation of healthcare
Mental health charity Mind has welcomed
the Governments proposals announced
today into the regulation of healthcare
professionals following a number of high
profle cases of abuse such as the Kerr/
Haslam inquiry*.
Mind Chief Executive Paul Farmer said:
Mind has for a long time been calling
for robust safeguards for mental health
patients, particularly on inpatient wards.
For too long vulnerable people have been
open to violent and sexual abuse and have
been let down by fawed reporting sys-
tems. It is unfortunate that these measures
will have come too late for some individu-
als.
We are pleased that the Government has
for the frst time acknowledged that the
problem of sexual boundary violations by
health workers is more widespread than
was generally believed and we welcome
their proposals to introduce guidance on
preventing transgressions of professional
boundaries and sexual behaviour with
patients.
Lord Carlile: Clinicians are not there sim-
ply to be turnkeys, they are there to pro-
vide health improvements to their patients
(Monday 19 February, House of Lords)
Allotment news:
The Clarendon now has its own
allotment. Watch this space for
news of fruit, veg and fowers.
equilibrium 18
Equilibrium Magazine is
looking for submissions for its
GALLERY23 pages. ts next
issue is due out in June. We
are looking for submissions
from mental health services
users, or those who may have
experienced mental health
problems in the past. We
accept submissions of:
Paintings
Photographs
Screen-prints
Sculptures
Pottery
jewelry
Textiles
Digital images
... or any other art work that
can be printed on the page!
Send your high resolution
image on a foppy disk to our
address inclosing your details.
You can exhibit with or without
your name mentioned.
While all work will be
welcomed and considered,
unfortunately we cannot
guarantee all will be used as
space is limited. Please keep
your originals as we cannot
take responsibility for any loss
or damage, nor can we return
artwork by post.

G
A
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R
Y
MIND competition artists:
1 David Lewyn
The lighthouse
2 Charlotte Dawson
Jets
3 Douglas Foster
Fragments to make a whole
4 Li-Ying Lin
Sunfower sparkle
5 Nigel T Gardiner
The peace of God transcends all
human understanding
6 Mark Lewis
A dog in the fog
7 Caroline Grainger
May blossom
8 Christine Rose
New Zealand holidays
9 Linda Batty
Squirrel
10 Natalie Brown
Wish you were here?
11 Roy Eldridge
The great outdoors
12 Marlene Stephanie Loasby
Colourful herbaceous borders
MIND competition naIists
Twelve fnalists for MND's art
competition 'Building solutions:
environments for better mental
health were chosen. The
competition requested that par-
ticipants produce an artwork to
improve a space that they were
familiar with. The shortlisted art-
works will be displayed at Minds
annual conference in March 2007
where the winner and runner-up
will be chosen by conference
delegates.
2
3
Other artists (not involved
in the MIND competition):
13 Jean Tripp
14 Gary White
Scene from recent exhibition
Building solutions
Calling
all
visual
artists...
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