Air travel is cheap these days,allowing ordinary peopleto travelfurther.

Some peopl
e say that airfare shouldbe increased because this leads to environmental problem
s. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In recent years, with the decrease price of airplane tickets, increasing people chose to travel
by air. Some people hold a positive view on this phenomenon while others claim that it
causes more environmental damages. From my point of view, I would argue for the former
opinion.
It is believed that airplanes consume more fuels than buses and trains so that it should
charge a higher price in order to control this side-effect. In fact, according to a survey of FAA,
there are no evidence to prove that buses and trains is more environmental- friendly than
airplanes because an aircraft carries a larger amount of people once than those two
transportations. To be specific, though buses and trains utilize less consumption of energy
each time, they require much times than airplanes in a whole.
Nonetheless, a more affordable price of air way carries several merits with it. Firstly, to the
public, especially the working class, an economical airfare allows more people can travel
further on a vocation which is normally time-limited. Undoubtedly, travelling by air is the
fastest approach that can save travelling time. In addition, an airplane is always applying a
wider space compare with other vehicles, which is an inevitable part of an enjoyable trip.
Secondly, as for the tourist resorts, convenient and cheaper airfare brings them more
tourists. With a budgeted air price, people are more willing to travel outside instead of stay
at home. This will generate an undeniable income to local government and residents.
In conclusion, although an airplane contributed to environmental concerns, it is still an economical
transport in comparison to other public tools such as buses and trains in a whole due to its larger
volume of passengers. Moreover, it is beneficial to both ordinary people and tourist industry.

Comments:
Strengths Weaknesses


Presents a clear position throughout the
response it is a well argued piece of
writing.

Uses a range of cohesive devices
appropriately this is a strong point. You
use a wide range: nonetheless, in addition,
undoubtedly etc.

Arranges information and ideas coherently
and there is a clear overall progression
each paragraph has a clear goal and there is
no repetition.






Uses sufficient range of vocabulary and some
less common vocabulary but with some
inaccuracy save travelling time (save travel
time; applying a wider space covers a wider
space/ travels over a wider space.
Errors in tenses (chose are choosing; causes
are causing; contributed - contributes) and
noun and pronoun agreement (airplanes it;
second paragraph line 1; verb and noun
agreement: there are no evidence (is no
evidence); buses and trains is - are and
issues with countable nouns (transportations
types of transport).

Score: 6 - good vocabulary and cohesion. The argument is well organized; however
there are many grammar mistakes and errors in word choice that prevent this essay
getting a higher score.