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1 Your Quest for Being Better


My late Parents, Family, Inian Army,
Tea!"ers, Friens, Business Asso!iates,
our #taff $ Printers,
%"o, at ifferent times in last se&en
taug"t me somet"ing $ "el'e me to %rite
T"is Boo, %as a !"eris"e ream on!e-
THANK GO. for ma,ing my !"eris"e ream,
a )eality-
TO ON* $ A//-
Capt. Ravi Mahajan (Retd.)
Your Quest for Being Better 2

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3 Your Quest for Being Better

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Your Quest for Being Better 4

1. PREFACE: Its all about LIFE & Its all up to You, how to live a life
of Virtues and Values. ............................................................................... 8
2. Always keep in touch with your Creator through Simple & Sincere
PRAYERS. Seek no Rewards, no Demands. Just PRAY & Be Happy. . 10
3. In Life, Exams come first, then Learning. Wise learn from own
experience, WISER learn from others. Be Wiser not just wise. ............ 14
4. Extremes in Life? Do not feel helpless. Meet the challenges with
Courage & Wisdom. ............................................................................... 15
5. Treat everyone as you yourself would like to be treated. Never Forget
This GOLDEN RULE. ............................................................................ 17
6. SMILE & Brighten the corner where you are. Smile is infectious. In
life, anything may fail but SMILE NEVER FAILS. ............................... 19
7. LOVE: The Origin & Epicenter of Goodwill, Kindness, Caring,
Sacrifice & Compassion.......................................................................... 21
8. Mind is Everything. We become what we Think. Think High, Think
Positive. ................................................................................................... 24
9. A BALANCED Life brings you Serenity, Peace and Happiness. Never
over-indulge & avoid show-offs. ............................................................ 28
10. APPRECIATION! Soul Soup and Sweet Dish for All! Be Proactive
when you can be APPRECIATIVE. Its the best Motivational Aid. ...... 33
11. Life is not about hearing and seeing but what counts most is
LISTENING and OBSERVING. Be adept at Both. ............................... 36
12. You cannot please all the people all the time. Dont even try. Never
let WHAT will people Say, rule your life. ........................................... 39
13. When circumstances cannot be changed, CHANGE YOURSELF.
Always, be prepared to Give up Good for the Better. ............................. 42
14. Biggest Myth of Life: It wont happen to me. It happens to others
only. ........................................................................................................ 44
15. DREAM Big about your Future & Back it up with Passion, Hard
work & Determination. ........................................................................... 47
16. Want Good to happen to you? Be GOOD. Spread GOODNESS.
Good will automatically rebound. ........................................................... 49
17. There is no way to Happiness. HAPPINESS is the way. .................. 52

5 Your Quest for Being Better

18. Material Possessions, Worldly Pleasures, Wealth or Money. Ye Dil
Maange more. ........................................................................................ 56
19. Problems, Roadblocks, Challenges and Adversities? You are bigger
than all combined. Meet them Head-on & WIN. .................................... 59
20. Best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. Second Best is NOW.
................................................................................................................ 61
21. WORDS or PROMISES are made to be kept. Be as Good as your
Words ...................................................................................................... 62
22. Aspiring to be a LEADER? Be Positive, be Different, be Innovative,
be a Thinker. Bring out the best in people. ............................................. 64
23. If you are not happy with what you have, you can never be happy
with what you want. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. .............................. 70
24. People are both Good or Difficult. Learn how to deal with them.
Apply LOVE and GOODNESS. ............................................................. 74
25. Life is for Living, not Complaining or Cribbing. Live it Well. Live it
Full. Live for what MATTERS MOST in life. ....................................... 78
26. Reach the Divine through FORGIVNESS. FORGIVE & See how
Great You Feel. ....................................................................................... 81
27. If people are rude & unkind, ignore them. Always maintain your
OWN STANDARD. ............................................................................... 85
28. Everything in the world starts small. It Grows big with time and
repeated effort. ........................................................................................ 87
29. An Attitude of Modesty & Humility, brings you closer to Peoples
heart, makes you a LOVABLE BEING. ................................................. 89
30. Money, Money, Money.Good SLAVE but Worst Master. Take
Care. ........................................................................................................ 92
31. If you have an idea, simply thinking about it, wont help. Take
ACTION, lest someone does. ................................................................. 98
32. Howsoever, people or situations try, NEVER let them diminish
YOUR SELF-WORTH. ........................................................................ 100
33. We all want GROWTH & PROGRESS. Realize them through your
TALENTS and STRENGTHS. ............................................................. 102
34. Manage your ANGER with Grace, Dignity & Aplomb. Dreadful &
Ugly you look when you Are ANGRY. ................................................ 105
Your Quest for Being Better 6

35. Money Borrowing-Lending! Careful! Lest Buy now, Pay Later
becomes, Pay Now or Face the Consequences. ................................. 110
36. Most Arguments are unnecessary. More arguments you win, few
Friends you will have. AVOID ARGUMENTS. .................................. 114
37. Thinking of a GIFT? Think hard but Practical, before deciding about.
.............................................................................................................. 115
38. ACTION/KARMA Brings Glory & Success. Be detached from the
results. Concentrate on ACTION. ......................................................... 117
39. Learn to say polite NO. Never say yes, when you want to say
NO. ..................................................................................................... 119
40. COOKING: A noble everyday act. Learn Cooking and take pride in
the art. ................................................................................................... 121
41. Crime doesnt pay. You may think, no one is watching. But He is &
someone else may also be. .................................................................... 124
42. ARROGANCE corrodes your inner self. Do not become an object of
detest and pity with arrogance. ............................................................. 129
43. You are YOU, the Unique & Original. Do not Ape others to become
Duplicate. Retain your Originality. ....................................................... 131
44. Focus, Passion, Positive Energy. Cultivate them for Growth-
Progress-Success. .................................................................................. 134
45. MARRIAGE should be a Duet. When one Sings, other Claps. ...... 137
46. Does your Money Speak for you? Be GENEROUS & KIND. See it
Grow your Stature & make it Speak for you......................................... 150
47. Do you feel IRRITATED often? Though natural, but Not Desirable!
Why not do something about it. ............................................................ 153
48. Change what you can. ACCEPT what you cannot. Dont Crib, dont
Criticize, dont Blame. Accept people as they are. ............................... 156
49. Art of COMMUNICATION is vital for Success. Those who
communicate well, Shine & remain ahead . Master the Art. ................ 159
50. Stress, Tension, Worry or Fear, are all the same, leading you to
misery. Win them over & lead a Rewarding life. ................................. 163
52. LAUGH & the world Laughs with you. LAUGHTER, is the BEST
MEDICINE & indeed, your SOUL SOUPE. ........................................ 170

7 Your Quest for Being Better

53. TIME is the essence in life, difference between Success & Failure.
Put this commodity to Best Use. Never waste Time. ............................ 172
54. Start Small, Enjoy Big. Ignore all small things but enjoy all small
pleasures life has to offer. ..................................................................... 176
55. Do you always feel hurried, harried, or hassled? Try & stay blissfully
calm, serene & cool for optimum productivity & efficiency. ............... 179
56. Convenience matters in life. But your convenience must not make
others inconvenient............................................................................. 183
57. In Life, nothing touches you more than FREEDOM from
Dependency on others. Yes, try to be SELF-RELIANT. ...................... 184
58. Heaven or Hell! Both are here. Create your own HEAVEN within.
.............................................................................................................. 189
59. PERSERVERANCE is the difference between Success & Failure.
Keep TRYING & You will be Successful. ........................................... 193
60. Nothing lasts forever. Not even our YOUTH. But, prepare well to
meet Dusk of life gracefully with dignity & poise. ............................... 197
61. Accept old Age with Grace and live with Dignity but DO NOT ever
accept option of Retirement from productive work. ......................... 200
62. Everything that begins, must end. True of everything including
human life! BIRTH and DEATH are part of Life. ................................ 204
63. LIVING PRINCIPALS for a Rewarding Life. Life is a
MARATHON, not a sprint. WINNER is the one, who wins ultimately.
.............................................................................................................. 208
64. EPILOG: Life Management is the Object and Essence of our books.
Life is not about simply coming & going, BUT LEAVING A MARK.
.............................................................................................................. 225

SUCCESS in life is the results of 3 Ps

Your Quest for Being Better 8

1. PREFACE: Its all about LIFE & Its all up to
You, how to live a life of Vitues a!" Values.
Virtues and Vanities are part of the same life. Both reside within us.
Through our mindset and thought process (A person is, but the
product of his thoughts. What he thinks, that he becomes), we can
feed oth into our s!stem. "n fact# a struggle for dominance is alwa!s
on within us. $hatever !ou feed more# wins and results into the
person !ou are. "n other words# it%s all up to !ou.
&owever# all around us these da!s# we see inflated egos# arrogance#
intolerance# selfish ' self(serving mentalit!# lac) of discipline '
character# greed ' corruption of unparalleled proportions# disrespect
for estalished laws# unrelenting increase in crimes against women#
resulting into general uncaring ' un)ind attitude towards each other.
*n! societ! is the reflection of individuals. +nfortunatel!# we# as
individuals# have given wa! to vanities ecause the! loo) attractive#
tempting and eas! to imie and instill. Result is that virtues are
difficult to spot while vanities can e seen ever!where. "ncidentall!#
we learn too late that ,living life% does not come eas!. $hat comes
eas! is our ego-centric behavior, anger, thanklessness, feeling
irritated, famil feuds, taking undue advantage of !eak " ignorant,
selfish " self-centered outlook, ungratefulness, uncompromising "
unforgiving attitude, succumbing to greed " eas mone, grabbing and
accumulating more and more pointlessl kno!ing full-!ell that !e
can carr nothing along and forgetting to #hank $im for !hat !e have
or blessed !ith, al!as focusing on !hat !e dont have.
*nother aspect of our dail! life is the cruelt! which we are capale of
inflicting on each other# wea) ' the hapless. +mpteen cases of rape
and murder (-irha!a# .a)ti Mills# Badaun) coupled with dail! cases of
dowr! harassment ' ride urning# damaging government propert!
mindlessl! on smallest prete/t# sujugating an!one we can# are onl!
the miniscule tip of &imala!an iceerg. Recent unspea)al! mindless
cruelt! with which a lind principal of a lind school# mercilessl! eats
lind children and those horrific videos shown on TV for hours without
sha)ing our conscience. *ll these and thousands other cases depicting
how shameless ' thic)(s)inned we have ecome in human values and
nadir we have reached as citi0ens.
*greed# all this is not happening to us. "t is happening to ,others%
onl!. But someda! it can touch us also and it could e we who ma!
e on receiving end. *t present# we ma! thin)# how can it happen
to us1 2i)e !ou and me# all those victims of toda! on receiving end#
also thought# it !ont happen to me. %t happens to others onl.
"nstead of onloo)er# we ourselves could ecome the victim one da!.
This deplorale state has ta)en deep root ecause of our total
disregard for teaching virtues such as tolerance, helping-sharing-
giving attitude, harmon, self-control, gratitude, forgiveness,
discipline, altruism, patience, ethics, understanding, road " civic sense

9 Your Quest for Being Better

etc., in our institutions of learning and homes, wherein totall!
materialistic, mone-minded " sho!-off approach# has ecome the
order of the da!.
.!stem or societ! we have created# is of our own ma)ing. .ince
independence in 3456# no political part! which ruled us# ever felt the
need to inculcate discipline or instill human values as mentioned
aove# in our societ!. 7ocus has onl! een on economic development#
89: or growth# in which also we have failed miseral!. "n other words#
presentl!# the situation is so created that most people%s onl! ojective
in life is# wealth creation without character# values or morals. Result is
what we see happening all around. $e can onl! hope and pra! that
new regime which has ta)en over recentl!# will e different.
Eve! if we a#hieve all those e#o!o$i# paa$etes, will the%
be e!ou&h fo us, ou #hil"e! & &a!"#hil"e! to lea" a viba!t
& se#ue life of pea#e a!" happi!ess whi#h all of us "esie,
ulti$atel%. &an economic prosperit onl fulfill !hat all !e !ant from
life' &an !e live on Wealth alone'
$hen we are deprived of something (in present case# wealth)# it is
human nature to thin)# that when " get that# " shall e happ!. But the
societ! !e live in# in which ou #hil"e! a!" &a!"#hil"e! will
live, is of paramount importance. $e have to have a disciplined#
values ased humane societ!# to enjo! our wealth ' prosperit!.
:rosperit! without a peaceful environment to live in# is meaningless. "t
is onl! we# the hapless citi0ens# who have to ' can create a )ind#
humane# caring societ! or s!stem. -one can do it for us.
(ur inner space is still good, full of virtues, peace, harmon,
brotherhood, togetherness, bonhomie etc. This oo) 'Y()R *)E+,
F(R -EI./ -E,,ER# is an effort to ma)e !ou aware that goodness
which e/ists within !ou# in all of us# is something we can uild our
societ! on. 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER endeavors to guide
!ou towards practical !a of living life, handling relationships,
situations, succeeding in our chosen profession and overall,l leading a
good life as a good human being# who does what is right# a proud
person guided ! his convictions not conveniences.
'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER ta)es various aspects of life
one ! one and guides !ou towards a etter e/isting wa!. $e need to
do lots of self(evaluation and introspection. Change is the essence and
onl! constant in life. $e have to emrace change where ever needed.
-othing will change unless we change.

'*E+E" ,O-./ /01/ 1 S$122 3"O-4 OF CO$$5//E, 4EO42E C1*
C01*3E /0E 6O"2,. 5*,EE, 5/ 5S O*27 /05*3 /01/ E+E" 01S8.

Life is !ot about what %ou #oul"!t "o so fa. Its about 01A,
Y() +,ILL CA.. 0a!!y "eading.
&apt. )avi *aha+an ()etd.)
Your Quest for Being Better 10

2. Alwa%s 3eep i! tou#h with %ou Ceato
thou&h +i$ple & +i!#ee PRAYER+. +ee3 !o
Rewa"s, !o 4e$a!"s. 5ust PRAY & -e 1app%.
7or those who elieve in 8od# our creator or higher power# no
e/planation is necessar!. Those who don%t# no e/planation is possile.
;our Creator is neither a person# nor an oject which can e seen. 8od
is not oserved ojectivel! ut definitel! it%s effects can e seen. 9on%t
go around searching or as)ing for 8od# ecause !ou will not find it in
person# since it is not there in the shape of a destructile person li)e
!ou and me. 8od is there within !ou and can e seen ! others in the
<ualities !ou possess# !our ehavior with others# how !ou treat others#
how good !ou are towards !our fellow eings. 8odliness can e seen
in goodness !ou project# )indness and compassion !ou have for the
other eings# in !our helping(sharing(giving attitude.
=nce# a master and his !oung disciple# who had some confusion about
God, asked his master about some clarifications about God. Instead of clearing his
doubts, master plucked a rosebud from the garden and asked his disciple to open it
without tearing off the petals. Young disciple looked in disbelief at the master, thinking,
after all, what a rosebud could possibly have to do with God and His doings. Still, as a
mark of respect he had for the master, young disciple proceeded to try to unfold the
rosebud without tearing its petals. But soon he realized that it was an impossible task.
Looking at young disciples helplessness, the master began to recite the following poem:

It is only a tiny rosebud, a flower of Gods design.
But I cannot unfold the petals with clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers is not known to such as I.
God opens this flower so easily but in my hands they die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud, this flower of Gods design,
then how can I have the wisdom to unfold this life of mine
!o, I will trust in God for leading each moment of my day.
I look to God for guidance in each step along the way.
The path that lies before me, only lord and savior knows.
I will trust God to unfold the moments, "ust as #e unfolds the $ose.%

:ra!er is a pious and nole act of a human eing towards &is 8od#
Creator# .ource# :rovider or the &igher :ower. :ra!er is just a wa! of
conve!ing our Than)s and 8ratitude towards that &igher :ower# who
has created this immensel! eautiful world for all of us to live and
share in peace and harmon!. "t is a wa! of rememering &im#
connecting with &im and conve!ing our 2ove and *ffection. :ra!er is
also a wa! of accepting &im in Totalit!.
9ifferent 8ods and religions have een in e/istence for man!
centuries# for almost as long as the human eings have inhaited in
this world. "n fact# our Creator is one ut we humans have created
man! 8ods and religions ! our diverse thin)ing# selfish motives and
conveniences. &ence# though this world is created e<ual for all# we

11 Your Quest for Being Better

have divided it in man! nationalities# societies and groups with diverse
clashing interests# resulting in so much disharmon!# unrest and
discord all around us. "n such circumstances# our pra!er unites us#
motivates us to help each other# caring for one another# remain )ind
and compassionate towards each other in universal love.
"n times of distress# natural or man(made calamities# hopelessness#
acute and un(resolvale prolems and challenges# illnesses or when
faced with man! other catastrophes# a person tend to rememer his
8od# his Creator# whom he has een worshipping since his irth.
.ince# he has put his entire faith in &im# he e/pects &im to render help
when he needs help.
$hen our trust in 8od is e/plicit# how do we approach &im# connect
with &im and how do we :ra!1 Most important thing for us is to have a
pure heart# spread goodness and pra! for collective good# rather onl!
for our own selfish enefit. $e should not approach 8od as a eggar#
trader or dealer. 2earn onl! to connect with &im. "f !ou as) for
an!thing# onl! as) for $is forgiveness and never repeat the act for
which forgiveness has een as)ed for.
8od is =mnipresent (present ever!where) as per our scriptures.
$hen we consider our 8od as =mnipresent# we need not tell &im what
we need. &e )nows ever!thing and also )nows what is est for us. $e
do not )now what is going to happen the ne/t moment# ut &e )nows#
ecause &e is the doer. >ver!thing happens the wa! it does# ecause
&e wishes it to happen that wa!.
"deall!# pra!er# even a small one# should e our first act of the da!
after restful sleep. Conse<uentl!# da! must also end just efore
retiring to ed# with a pra!er. =ur Creator must alwa!s remain in our
mind and heart# offering our pra!ers# howsoever short# as man! times
during the da!. :ra!er is a serene state of mind# detached from the
wish(list for fulfillment of our longings# desires and jos to e e/ecuted
or felicitated ! our 8od as per our wish. .ometimes# when things do
not happen the wa! we want# we feel disappointed and frustrated with
our own 8od. Begging and conditions appl have een going on# in
place of serene and pious pra!er# which rings us peace of mind# jo!#
happiness# tran<uilit! and harmon!. *s for what 8od can give us# " am
of firm conviction# ,od al!as keeps the best for those, !ho do not
ask and leave the choice to $im.
:ra!er is not memori0ing certain mantras or religious verses#
repeating them again and again in a rootic manner. -either it%s aout
rituals# offerings of flowers and other things. %ts +ust sitting -uietl in
a detached manner !ith our heart and mind full of gratitude to!ards
our .rovider and feeling fulfilled !ith $is love and blessings. :ra!er
denotes our sincerit!# honest!# earnestness and emotions of love and
gratitude emerging from our pure heart.
:ra!er is eing a good human eing. "t is spreading goodness all
around. "t is serving humanit!# serving &is creations and standing
Your Quest for Being Better 12

upright for our convictions# of what we thin) is right. Li3e 6othe
,eesa, /a!"hi 5i, .else! 6a!"ela o 6ati! Luthe 7i!&,
Abaha$ Li!#ol!. Their whole life was pra!er. $e should emulate
such nole eings who changed the world as we see it toda! and made
it a etter place to live for all of us through their efforts# dedication#
sacrifices# selfless service and commitment. "n fact# formal pra!ers are
not re<uired when we pra! through our good and pious acts.
:ra!er re<uires more of heart than of mind or tongue. :ra!er is the
ridge connecting !ou with !our .ource or Creator. :ra!er need not e
elaorate or ritualistic. :ra!er helps us tame our inflated ego and false
pride. :ra!er is complete surrender efore the almight!# to let our 8od
thin) for us and decide what is est for us. Then# $hatever &e gives#
we accept it with grace and humilit!.
;ou must love !our Creator not fear &im# for &e shall alwa!s e with
!ou# when !ou sincerel! pra! without conditions. ;ou pra! ecause
!ou want to# with sincerit! of purpose# to connect with !our .ource
ecause doing so generates jo!# harmon!# peace of mind# securit!#
serenit!# tran<uilit! within !ou. 8od%s dela!s are not &is denials. $hen
!ou are going through a rough patch and nothing seems to e
wor)ing# at such time don%t lose heart# just pra! and rememer that
during the test# teacher is alwa!s <uite.
=ften# we come across a sa!ing# /aith can move mountains. $ell#
what it reall! means is that if we have faith in our 8od or the divine#
and pra! unceasingl!# $e besto!s us !ith strength to cross over ever
mountain, ever difficult and ever challenge in life. &umans have
limits while 8od has no limits and gives us aundance# which we might
never have dreamt. B! as)ing or egging# we limit &is options for us.
* child had gone to attend a function with his father# where sweets
were eing distriuted. >ver!one was pic)ing the sweats himself ut
the child as)ed the host to give the sweets to him. $hile returning#
father as)ed the child# wh! had he not ta)en the sweets himself. Child
replied ?.apa, m hands are so small. % could take onl little !ith m
hands. 0ncles hands !ere so big. 1ee, ho! man s!eets he has given
me2. Those are the enevolent wa!s of 8od too. $hen !ou as)# !ou
get little. $hen &e gives# !ou get aundance to fulfill !our dreams.
=ften we do all the ad things and then go to temple# as)ing &is
forgiveness and e/pecting &im to forgive us. But# as we come out of
the temple# we start doing those things again. +nfortunatel!# such a
mindset has made moc)er! of most religions. $e spend lacs on temple
functions or ma)e temples as great showpieces# ut outside we see
poor hungr! people in rags# egging# no one to care for them. 8od%s
,devotees do not even care to loo) that wa!.
&ow can we ma)e our 8od happ! with our pra!ers and devotion#
when we treat &is creations# other human eings li)e us# so shail!1
"t is a common unfortunate sight to see people coming to the temples
ver! ostentatiousl! dressed# in e/pensive cars# wal)ing in straight into
the temple ignoring the unfortunate hungr! eggars and small children

13 Your Quest for Being Better

outside. "nside# the! will prostrate efore the deit! egging &is pardon
ut outside@.1
To whichever religion one elongs to# one must e true and sincere.
"n the 8od%s e!es# pra!ers# spiritualit! or other religious practices and
rituals have no meaning# if !ou cannot wor) towards removing the
miser! of !our fellow human eings or helping those not so fortunate.
"t is the giving# helping and sharing attitude# which places !ou on a
higher pedestal. :eople have een recogni0ed and rewarded for what
the! gave# not for what the! got.
:ra!er need not e done as a dut!. $e can pra! through our good
deeds# goodwill# good intentions# giving(helping(sharing nature# !
eing )ind to our fellow eings# ! eing compassionate to &is
creations. $e pra! ecause we want to pra!# rememering &im#
than)ing &im or e/pressing our gratitude for all the goodies he has
provided us. There is no punishment or rewards in pra!er.
*t a construction site# a supervisor on si/th floor# wanted to draw
the attention of a wor)er at the ground floor. &e called him# ut
ecause of the noise# wor)er did not hear. Then he threw a ten rupee
note to draw his attention which wor)er pic)ed and poc)eted. Then he
threw a hundred rupee note which also was calml! poc)eted ! the
wor)er. Then# ultimatel!# he threw a stone which hit the wor)er to
ma)e him to loo) up and see the supervisor. $e are also <uite li)e
that wor)er. $hen 8od sends goodies for us# we do not even than)
&im. .impl! enjo! the goodies# ta)ing them for granted# poc)et them.
=nl! when there are prolems or are faced with adversities# when we
are ,hit with a stone%# we rememer &im and pra! for &is forgiveness.
1o, !hen looking around, does not bring the ans!er, tr looking up.
$hen we turn to 8od for see)ing help# we must also e as <uic) to
than) &im when help is granted. >/pressing our Than)s and 8ratitude
is also a form of pra!er. $hen !ou rememer &im# &e also rememers
!ou. 7or affective pra!er# it must come from our heart with full
sincerit! and honest! of intentions. But we must fulfill our part of
Aarma or action. :ra!er is a ridge to connect with our 8od# .ource#
Creator# &igher :ower. This connection must e pious# sacred# full of
humilit!# sincerit! selflessness# compassion and )indness. 3

RememerB 0e shoul" pa% eve% $o$e!t fo e!tie hu$a!it%
be#ause while we ae pa%i!&, we ae e8pessi!& ou love,
tha!3s a!" &atitu"e towa"s that hi&he +ou#e, ou Ceato,
who has #eate" this u!ivese. Pa%i!& !ee" !ot be oboti#all%
#alli!& out 1is !a$e, visiti!& te$ples o postati!& befoe
1i$. 0e pa% thou&h ou a#tio!s a!" i!te!tio!s, thou&h ou
&oo" "ee"s, ou si!#eit%, altuis$, &oo"!ess, helpi!&9&ivi!&9
shai!& !atue, #o$passio!, e$path% a!" 3i!"!ess, we show
a!" a#t towa"s 1is #eatio!s.
Your Quest for Being Better 14

:. I! Life, E8a$s #o$e fist, the! Lea!i!&.
0ise lea! fo$ ow! e8peie!#e, 0I+ER lea!
fo$ othes. -e 0ise !ot ;ust wise.
"n life# there is no sustitute to e/perience. But e/periences of life
ta)e time. *nd ! the time !ou learn from e/periences and ma)e use
of them# it might e too late# of no real use. .o how est to wade
through lifeC '0ise learn 9rom o:n e;!erience, :iser learn 9rom
ot%ers88. .o# alwa!s remain in learning mode. Best is to learn from
each e/perience# ut still etter is to e a )een oserver and )eep
learning from others% e/periences. ;ou can never go wrong in life.
This oo) is an attempt to ma)e !ou learn from m! e/periences
through various lessons. "t is necessar! that !ou develop an anal!tical
mind. 9o not accept things without anal!0ing them !ourself. ;our
thin)ing and m! thin)ing cannot e the same. =ur situations are
different and so is our age# aims and ojectives in life. $hat " mean is
that don%t lindl! accept what is said or what !ou read. *nal!0e with
!our anal!tical mind and then onl! accept and instill them.
*lwa!s )eep learning attitude on# an e!e for what and where !ou
can learn est# instill good haits# mannerism# ethics# eti<uettes# asic
courtesies# self(discipline and high degree of civic sense. *ll around
things are happening for !ou to learn from. Before !ou go to sleep
ever! da!# anal!0e the events of the da!. $here !ou went wrong#
what good points others had which !ou oserved and must instill in
!ourself. ;ou must learn these fast# through !our learning attitude.
7aster we learn# etter off we are. Ta)e interest in others. =serve
their good haits. Be a good listener and listen# not hear. 2isten
carefull!# oserve carefull! and instill diligentl!. Ma)e self(
improvement and self(development# a wa! of life. &owsoever good or
accomplished !ou ma! e# room for improvement is alwa!s there.
-ever rest# even if !ou are the est. Tr! to e etter than that.
Change# where change is re<uiredC Cha!&e what %ou #a! but
a##ept what %ou #a!!ot. "n life# ever!thing cannot e to !our taste
or li)ing. ;ou must get used to things. Create a hait of acceptance of
what !ou cannot change. 7or a hait to e created# !ou have to do the
same thing repeatedl! for aout D3 da!s for it to ecome a hait# good
or ad. *lwa!s )eep an open mind. ,6i!"s ae li3e paa#hute. ,he%
wo3 o!l% whe! ope!. -ever close !our mind to possiilities.
Chance and opportunities await !ou ever!where. *lwa!s )eep !our
e!es and ears open ecause opportunities )noc) ver! softl!.
=ften people over(react to situations which are e!ond their control.
Things li)e sudden change of weather or something else resulting in
cancellation of pre(arranged program# imposition of new ta/es ! the
government# increase in price of household gas or motor fuels#
une/pected traffic jam on our wa!# defeat of !our favorite cric)et team
in an important match or hundred other things over which# we have no
control. These things happen for ever!od! and shall continue to

15 Your Quest for Being Better

happen# not onl! to !ou. Be cool# unpertured non(reactive. "f others
are cr!ing hoarse or criing# let them. There is no reason for !ou to
ape them since !ou are an evolved eing.
;ou eing a positive person of sustance# maintain !our dignit! and
remain !our unruffled self. .tart thin)ing or wor)ing on how est !ou
can meet the challenge. Most prolems have a limited life span and
after some time# either it will pass or !ou will get used to the new
situation or challenge. Best is to let it go. "f !ou have surrendered full!
to 8od# then it is &is prolem# not !ours. ;our 4harma is
5arma(Action), so )eep doing !our 9harma. 3

RememerB <2i9e8s battles are not al:ays :on by t%e 9aster or
stronger !erson. /%e !erson :%o :ins is t%e one :%o t%inks 0E
C1*=. A!" if %ou t%, t% ha" a!" s$at e!ou&h a!" 3eep
t%i!&, !othi!& is i$possible to a#hieve i! life. It e<uies
pesiste!t effots. .eve &ive up. ,%, t% a!" t% a&ai!. I! life,
eve%thi!& $a% o $a% !ot wo3. -ut pesiste!#e alwa%s
wo3s. .eve /ive up. .eve, !eve, !eve.

Treat everyone ith Politeness, even those ho are ru!e to you.
Not "e#ause they are not ni#e "ut "e#ause you are Ni#e.

=. E8te$es i! Life> 4o !ot feel helpless. 6eet
the #halle!&es with Coua&e & 0is"o$.
*t times# life ta)es us to the two e/tremes# where both action or
inaction, can prove disastrous. ;ou cannot do either wa!. 9ilemma
efore us is what to do1 To e or not to eC 9uring such tr!ing times
of great stress and suspense# we are neither in a position to fight nor
advisale to run. .ometimes# situation ma! e so difficult that we
might thin) that life is not worth living. .tate of total helplessness#
predominates. "n fact# we find ourselves in shac)les# ondage or
disarra!# not )nowing what to do1
"n Mahaharata# during the course of attle# *rjuna# at a ver!
critical time# faced such a situation. $hile getting into the thic) of
attlefield# he reali0ed that he has to fight and )ill his close relatives
and cousins# who were fighting against him as enemies. Man! poor
soldiers would also have to e )illed. &e ecame ver! nervous at the
situation and might have contemplated to run awa! from the
attlefield. But for a warrior of *rjun%s calier and reputation# running
awa! from the attlefield would have een e/tremel! shameful and
disastrous for the cause this great attle was eing fought. 2ord
Arishna# eing his 1arthi or guide, immediatel! reali0ed this and
showed him the wa!. &e made *rjun reali0e that he was dut!(ound
Your Quest for Being Better 16

to do his est as a warrior# whose dut! it was# to )ill all wrongdoers
and their men in the attlefield# to win the attle and annihilate
*dharma from the surface of earth. *s goaded ! 2ord Arishna# *rjun
went on to fight and won the attle even with much smaller arm!.
&elplessness creeps in life when we see disaster oth wa!s# !
acting or not acting. $e find ourselves in a nearl! impossile situation.
"t is# at that time# when at the crossroad# one can ta)e the path of
total acceptance and surrender to the 2ord# to whichever 8od one
elieves in# who# li)e 2ord Arishna# is the driver of our vehicle of life.
"n such a situation# we ecome a non(doer from doer. But our faith in
8od must e e/plicit and complete. "t is onl! &e who can find an
answer for us in such situations and onl! &e can carr! us along. &e
onl! can ma)e the situation right for us. "t is onl! ! &is 8race# $>
C*-# once again# ounce ac) in life and e a winner.
$hen we feel that situation is e!ond our facilities and find
ourselves helpless# we should let &im ta)e charge. But here and
ever!where else# we must rememer the principle of 5A)*A. $e
must )eep doing our est in whatever situation we are. "f others are
doing seemingl! ad things# let them. Courage and $isdom will alwa!s
loo) us up in life. .o# never vacillate. &ave 7aith and move on. $e can
even change the course of life ! our thoughtful actions. $e must
)eep doing our est# which 8od alwa!s wants us to do. $e are here to
do our est and leave the rest to &im. Mind !ou# this has and will
alwa!s wor) for !ou and for ever!one else. 3
RememerB Pepae"!ess, both $e!tal a!" ph%si#al, is
ve% $u#h !e#essa% i! life. 0e alwa%s $eet a!% #halle!&e
bette whe! we ae pepae". +u#h situatio!s ae !ot
u!#o$$o!. ,he% ofte! e$e&e a!" we $ust fa#e su#h
#halle!&i!& situatio!s hea"9o!, !ot u!!i!& awa% fo$
the$. /o" will alwa%s help us but we $ust "o whateve
!ee"s to be "o!e.
$INNERS see the Possi"ilities, %osers, &ro"le's.
$INNERS 'a(e Co''it'ents, %osers, &ro'ises.
$INNERS have a Pro)ra', %osers, e*#use.
$INNERS say +let 'e !o it for you,, %osers, +that is not 'y -o",.
$INNERS say +I 'ust !o so'ethin),, %osers, +so'ethin) 'ust "e !one,.
$INNERS are alays &art of the Anser, %osers, &art of the &ro"le'.
$INNERS say +it is !iffi#ult "ut &ossi"le,, %osers, +it is &ossi"le "ut too !iffi#ult,.
$hen $INNER 'a(es 'ista(e, he says +I as ron),.
$hen %oser 'a(es 'ista(e, he says +It asn,t 'y fault,.
Choice is Yours. What you want to be.

17 Your Quest for Being Better

?. ,eat eve%o!e as %ou %ouself woul" li3e to
be teate". .eve Fo&et ,his /(L4E. R)LE.
-othing much in life can e achieved alone. ;ou have to have others
with !ou# helping# supporting# motivating. $hether the! are !our
associates# emplo!ees# suordinates or colleagues# their support and
cooperation is necessar! for !our rise and success. That support must
come from the heart. "f it is not from the heart# it is not of much use.
=thers% interests must e interlin)ed with !ours or the collective gains.
But how can !ou achieve all that1 The! must have full faith and trust
in !ou that their interests will e loo)ed after. -ot onl! for others%
support and cooperation# it alwa!s feels good to e in the compan! of
good people# whether famil!# friends or relatives# )nown or un)nown.
*lmost ever! scripture including Bile teaches and inspires us 1o
!hatever ou !ish that men !ould do to ou, do so to them6 for this
is the la! and prophets !ords. Treat this as 8olden rule for !our
success in life. ;our success# again# should e such that it is enjo!ed
and cherished ! ever!one# not onl! ! !ou alone. >ver!one must feel
part of it. ;our success must e teamwor) and whole team must
rejoice# when the team succeeds. .uch a thing is possile# when the
feel of success is collective# not individual.
$ell# it happens onl! when !ou treat others well. ,=thers% here mean
literall! ever!one in touch with !ou. ;our juniors# staff# suordinates#
friends# relatives# colleagues# seniors all feel a part! to !our success#
ecause on !our road to glor!# goal or success in life# !ou treated
ever!one well# e/actl! the wa! !ou would have li)ed to e treated# if
!ou were in their place. "t does not mean# !ou have een soft on
them. 9efinitel! notC ;ou might have een a hard(tas) master which is
ver! essential for achieving goals. :eople do not mind that as long as
the! are teate" with espe#t, hu$ilit% a!" 3i!"!ess. "n return#
the! will give !ou whatever !ou as) of them.
* Chinese sa!ing goes thus %t is better to have one person !orking
!ith ou, rather than three !orking for ou. Ver! trueC Ma)e them
feel and reali0e# it is for themselves the! are doing# whatever !ou are
as)ing them to do. >ver!one li)es to e the part of a happ! team. *nd
happ! team consists of &app! :eople. *nd &app! :eople# apart from
material prosperit!# also want to e respected. 7ou must uphold their
right to dignit and honor.
Bod! language# tone and facial e/pressions pla! a ig part when we
tal) aout others% treatment. =ften# while we ma! not mean an!
offence or disrespect# our od! language might appear to e <uite to
the contrar!. B! that " mean others ma! ta)e offence when no offence
is meant. $e should alwa!s )eep others% sensiilities in mind# when
we tal) to them or want them to do something for us. $e must ensure
that our od! language and tone must e just right for the occasion.
>ven while ma)ing a complaint to a government officer or personnel#
we should e/press in a manner not e/hiiting an! agitation. ;ou e
Your Quest for Being Better 18

nice and )ind to others not for their sa)e ut for !our own sa)e. Being
nice and )ind# serves !ou more than the recipient. ;ou )now what is
there for !ou in eing )ind and nice1 9o it and !ou will )now !ourself.
"t is the feel(good factor# a feeling of elation and high# ma)es !ou
more self confident# ups !our self(esteem# raises !our tran<uilit! and
serenit! levels# feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment etc. *n! act of
)indness and compassion generates innumerale feelings of high in
!ou. 9o it and )now it !ourself.
*nother ig reason wh! it pa!s to e nice and )ind# is that when !ou
are nice and )ind to others# the! also will reciprocate in the same
manner and to add to the onus# it is not onl! them ut also# all those
who see !ou eing nice and )ind# will do the same to !ou whenever
occasion demands. Respect for !ou in their minds# will positivel! go
up. ;ou alwa!s get ac) what !ou give. "f it%s positivit! !ou have given
and spread# !our life will touch and feel onl! positivit!. "f not# then it is
negativit! which !ou will get ac). *nd others% negativit! is <uite
difficult to manage. "t haunts us in various wa!s and can put us into
lots of unwanted prolems and challenges. ,,ive them respect and
the shall deliver !hat ou !ant.
Most of the influential leaders in histor!# came from humle
ac)grounds and had modest eginning. But millions followed them.
Their assets were their minds# creativit!# hope and vision which the!
were ale to transform into their followers% minds. $e should never
forget that these leaders had great respect for the worth of all who
followed them# while the! stood apart. Their eaut! was more than
s)in deep which originated from the core of their inner eing and
reflected in their face# posture# mannerism and aove all# the wa! the!
treated their followers. Mahatma 8andhi gave the slogan do or die#
and millions followed ecause he treated all with respect and )indness.
>ach one of aout seven illion people inhaiting this planet# is
uni<ue. >ach one has his own uni<ue personalit!# talents and traits
attached with it. ;ou have to understand and respect them to respect
!ou. ;ou have to love them to love !ou. Teach them to give and
spread undemanding love# since it is availale in aundance in our
hearts. .ame is true of wealth. More we give# more is there to give.
More we hoard or accumulate for our selfish ends# lesser we get. $hen
we hoard or accumulate# nothing is sufficient. 9eficienc!# actual or
assumed# will alwa!s follow us ever!where.
As ou go up in the ladder of life, embrace humilit, kindness and
compassion, ou !ill never have to look back. .eople !atch sincerit
in our ees, then the tone and e8pressions. #ake care. 3

RememerB Fill %ouself with love a!" shae it with those
aou!" %ou. 1ow othes teat %ou, is thei >?arma8, thei path.
1ow %ou espo!", is %ous. If %ou wa!t to be a 0i!!e, +hae
%ou Visio! with those who woul" help %ou a#hievi!& %ou
visio! a!" e$ai! with %ou i! thi#3 & thi!.

19 Your Quest for Being Better

@. +6ILE & -i&hte! the #o!e whee %ou ae.
+$ile is i!fe#tious. I! life, a!%thi!& $a% fail
but +6ILE .EVER FAIL+.
9o !ou )now that it ta)es 6D muscles to frown# while onl! 35 to
smile1 * simple disarming .mile denotes class of !our pedigree# good
intentions# amiale nature and pleasing personalit!. ;ou can conve! all
this aout !ourself# without uttering a word. B! !our smile# !ou
righten the corner where !ou are present. $hen !ou smile# others
will onl! smile ac) at !ou. =nl! smiles greet !ou when !ou smile. To
<uote Chalie Chapli! 97ou need po!er onl !hen ou !ant to do
something harmful to others, other!ise, 1*%:; is enough to get
everthing done2
.mile is oth human power and wea)ness. :ower for the one who
smiles# wea)ness for one who is smiled atC ;ou can%t help it# if !ou
want to e in the compan! of the person who is alwa!s smiling. .mile
is a gift which costs nothing ut !ou can give it to ever!one !ou meet
or just pass !. .mile is infectious and reeds smiles all around.
.mile is the eginning of man! a meaningful lasting relationships.
.mile is a warm gesture conve!ing things which are difficult to sa!.
* particular smiling e/pression is enough to ease an! tension or stress
in other person. .mile e/presses faith and positive outloo) from an
optimist# in whose compan! ever!one li)es to dwell.
:erson who can smile at life%s adversities# finds it easier to ride over
them. "f we )eep smiling# we cannot e overwhelmed ! life%s
adversities and challenges. "n the face of adversities# when a person
smiles# he creates confidence in others# who will alwa!s e read! to
help him and cooperate with him to get over his difficulties.
9uring the course of our life# we meet oth challenges and changes.
Things do change# sometimes for etter or sometimes for worst. That%s
what life is all aout. $hen we meet these changes and challenges
with a smile or just laugh them off# it shows our grit and determination
to meet them head(on. *nd when we meet life%s challenges head(on
with a smile# the! tend to disappear or get resolved in our favor. That
is what is the power of .mile. .mile empowers an!one who wears it.
.mile is a jo! which ever!one relishes and wants to share. *
friendship starts when a smile is returned with a smile. >ven when it is
inappropriate to laugh loudl!# a genuine well meaning smile conve!s
acceptance# elation and goodhearted nature. .tart !our da! with a
.mile. "t ma)es !ou loo) attractive# changes !our mood# relieves
stress and finall!# it helps !ou sta! ;=+-8 *-9 :=."T"V>.
$herever !ou are# with friends or strangers# a person with a smile#
will alwa!s e sought after. &e not onl! ma)es his presence noticed
ut also ma)es his asence felt. .ince .miling people alwa!s reflect
positive attitude and pleasant disposition# the! are considered an
emodiment of goodwill and a warm heart. The! are the heart thro of
Your Quest for Being Better 20

ever! part! or get together since ever!one li)es them and li)es to e
in their compan!. The! inadvertentl! spread the feel(good factor# so
adl! needed in our societ! these da!s.
There ma! e occasions when it is inappropriate to laugh or giggle
loudl!# ut a warm smile is never out of place an!where. * warm smile
is an add(on where ever !ou are# whomsoever !ou meet# whatever the
situation. * smile is never out of place. * warm smile inspires and
encourages ever!one around !ou to respond in a positive manner#
responding with e<ual warmth.
$e "ndians need to do a lot on smile. Mostl! we are not conscious
aout the power of smile. 7oreigners are much etter at it# speciall!
when the! visit other countries ecause the! )now that it is much
easier to get around and along# when !ou are wearing a smile on !our
face# which is the first positive sign !ou emanate without sa!ing a
word. 2ittle consciousness on !our part will do. "nitiall!# !ou will have
to ma)e an effort and in twent! one da!s# with constant practice and
awareness# !ou will wear a welcome smile all the time# as a hait.
;es# all the time# where ever !ou are# whatever !ou are doing# in
whomsoever%s compan!# !our face with a warm smile# will remain in
their heart and mind. 2eave a legac! of warm smile with !our children
ecause !ou are their first teacher. 2et them learn to wear a warm
smile from !ou ecause this attire shall help them most towards
reali0ing their goals in life.
=ne smile reeds man! more smiles and in no time# entire
atmosphere is transformed. >ven when the atmosphere is hostile#
tense and gloom!# a few smiles have the power to convert the same
into a harmonious and pleasant field for ever!one%s advantage. *
.mile can alwa!s change an! situation for the etter. %ndeed, our
simple smile !ill make a difference, !herever ou are and decidedl,
brighten the corner !ith our graceful presence. 3

RememerB +6ILE & +ILE.CE ae two poweful tools. +$ile is
the best wa% to solve $a!% poble$s, while +ile!#e is the best
tool to avoi" $a!% poble$s. +6ILE is a! i!e8pe!sive wa% to
i$pove L((7+. .eve u!"eesti$ate the powe of a si$ple
wa$ s$ile. A!%thi!& $a% fail but a +$ile .eve Fails.
Count your /lessin)s, not &ro"le's. Count your 0ains, not
losses. Count your 2oys, not oes. Count your 3rien!s, not
foes. Count your S'iles, not tears. Count on your Coura)e,
not fears. Count on your 4ealth, not ealth.
3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!. 3irst #ount on .ourself, then 0o!.

21 Your Quest for Being Better

A. L(VE: ,he (i&i! & Epi#e!te of /oo"will,
7i!"!ess, Cai!&, +a#ifi#e & Co$passio!.
.othi padh padh +ag mua, pandit bhaa na ko. 4hai akshar prem
ke, padhe so pandit ho. .o said .ant Aair# a renowned social
reformer# poet and thin)er# some EFF !ears ago. Translated# it means
;verone tries to read the scriptures, but none becomes a scholar.
#!o and half letters of .rem (:ove# when written in &indi# occupies
onl! two and half letters# .ar)# !hosoever reads, is a scholar. That is
the glor! of .7A).
There are man! four letter words in >nglish dictionar! ut ,2=V>% is
the most eautiful of them all. 2ove is life%s essence# energ!#
inspiration and motivation. Masters have compared love with sun. Gust
li)e the sun# love is alwa!s there. "t can e mother%s love or father%s or
spouse%s or relative%s or friend%s# an!one%s for that matter. ;ou cannot
hide love under the cloud or rain! weather. 2i)e sun# love is the most
powerful energ!# which lossoms in our hearts and minds.
2ove is li)e a healing alm# within and outside# for an!one whose life
we touch. True love need not e reciprocated# since it wants nothing in
return# e/pects nothing. $ith love# we shine and radiate. 2ove is
unending# infinite and undemanding. "t is the greatest gift 8od has
given us. An!here, :(V; is the origin " epicenter of ,ood!ill,
&ompassion, Altruism, 1acrifice, .hilanthrop, ,enerosit, <road-
mindedness, 5indness, <enevolence and &aring.
2ove spea)s unspo)en language not onl! from the mouth# ut also
from the e!es and heart. 2ove )nows no arriers and is aove caste#
creed# color# region# religion or nationalit!. "t fills ever!one# oth giver
and receiver# with jo!# ecstas!# delight# pleasure and true enduring
happiness. Most things in life are give and ta)e# ut love is onl! ,%V;
" ,%V;. True lovers onl! 8ive.
+nfortunatel!# 2=V> has een dealt a severe low ! the present
da! selfish materialistic lifest!le# which has clouded our thin)ing. $e
have ecome isolated# fearful# insecure and unsure ecause of that.
:reviousl! people lived harmoniousl! in e/tended joint families. -ow
even nuclear families are falling apart. $ith the growth in population#
increased pressure on land and housing# shrin)ing land mass for
agriculture and production of food# high rates of inflation# rampant
feeling of insecurit!# things are li)el! to get worse.
+nder such circumstances love# co(operation# patience# self(control
and tolerance# are our onl! hope. $e all want to live in peace and
harmon!. Then we must e prepared to love# which demands sacrifice#
commitment# selflessness and least e/pectations from others. $e do
not have to do these things for others% sa)e# ut for our own sa)e# for
the sa)e of all those we love ' care. The! ma! not e/press it
ade<uatel! ut certainl! without fail# whether it is !our parent# spouse#
children# colleague# junior or a friend# onl! thing mostl! the! need
from !ou# is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
Your Quest for Being Better 22

There is the stor! aout Mullah -aseeruddin# who loved *llah# his
8od# in whom he had e/plicit faith. Mullah had got married the same
morning and in the evening# along with their relatives and his eautiful
ride# was returning home# crossing a river on a oat. .uddenl!# the!
were in the middle of a storm and oat started roc)ing violentl! and
dangerousl!. >ver!one including the ride# was full of fear# ut Mullah
remained calm. .urprised# ride as)ed Mullah 9Arent ou afraid'2. "n
repl!# Mullah too) out his dagger and raised it as if he was going to slit
her throat. .he showed no reaction# at which he as)ed her 9are ou
not afraid of the dagger'2. .he replied ?dagger could be dangerous
but the one !ho is holding the dagger, is m loving husband. 1o, % am
not afraid2. 9;8actl2, said Mullah ?#hese !aves ma be dangerous but
great Allah, !ho is holding them, is full of love. 1o % am not afraid2.
Mullah had e/plicit faith in *llah# who is full of love and )indness.
2ove e/pects no rewards# love )nows no fear since lac) of love
means fear# love does not demand# love thin)s no evil# love has no
motive. To love is to share and serve. Trust is the cradle of love.
Celerate love since it is the reath of !our e/istence and est reason
for living. 2ove is strengthened ! wor)ing together through conflicts.
>ver!one needs to e loved speciall! when the! do not deserve it.
2ove is the onl! thing that can e divided without eing minimi0ed.
:ove th neighbor. -o# 7irst 2ove ;ourself (72;). =thers will come
later. $h! !ou must love !ourself first# efore !ou can love others1
Because !ou will onl! love the person who is good# who is positive# the
one who is )ind and compassionate# who helps others in time of need#
who is understanding and patient# who is mature# the one who treats
ever!one well. ;ou will love !ourself for all aove and also for !our
honest!# integrit!# sincerit!# strength of character# willpower# discipline
and sense of humor which ring smile on others% faces. "t%s not onl!
!ou who will love such a person ut such a person is loved ! all#
ever!one who comes in touch with him.
" recollect another great stor! " read aout love# long ago. * famil!
of four# husand# wife# their son and daughter(in(law# lived happil! in
a small house. "n spite of eing !oungest in age# daughter(in(law was
full of wisdom and common sense. To ma)e ends meet# all three
wor)ed and had to go out# while# wife sta!ed at home to loo) after the
household. =ne da!# while alone at home# wife saw four elderl!
persons sitting outside their house. Being )ind# she invited them in for
water and food. But the! as)ed her 9if all members of the famil !ere
in'2. $hen she said ,no%# the! politel! told her that onl! when all
memers were there in the house# the! shall come in. B! evening# her
husand# son and daughter(in(law came ac) from wor). .he told
them aout the persons outside the house and their condition.
.he went out and invited them in ut again the! refused sa!ing ?!e
do not go inside anbods house together. % am Wealth, elder to me
is 1uccess !ho is standing beside me, ne8t one is ,lor and eldest
of us all is :ove. .lease discuss among our famil members and let

23 Your Quest for Being Better

us kno! !hom ou !ant first. #hen onl !e can come in2. *s told# she
again went inside and told the famil! as to the new condition of the
guests. &er husand was overjo!ed and wanted Wealth to come first
so that their house was full of wealth. .on wanted ,1uccess% to come in
for ovious reasons# while she herself wanted ,,lor% to come so that
the! are well()nown and famous.
But the wise daughter(in(law insisted for ,2ove% to e invited in first#
so that their house is full of love. &er opinion was alwa!s greatl!
respected ecause of her wisdom and common sense. .o the! all
agreed on :ove to e called first. The lad! went out to invite ,:ove
first. $hen she told them of their decision# all four of them got up and
made a eeline for the house. 7irst of course# it was ,2ove%# followed !
,$ealth%# then ,.uccess% and ultimatel! ,8lor!%. Confused# she told
them# while ,she had invited onl :ove in their house, !h all the four
are barging in'.
Then ,:ove% replied 9%f ou had invited an of the other three,
Wealth, 1uccess or ,lor, the !ould have entered alone. <ut in a
household full of :ove, !ealth, success and glor !ill automaticall
come. Where ever there is :ove, !ealth, success and glor !ill follo!.
;ven if ou have !ealth, success and glor but no :ove, members of
the household, live a hellish life, in spite of everthing other than
:ove.2 Gust loo) around and see how true this imaginar! stor! is.
2i)e all good things in life# love also ta)e it%s own time to grow. ;ou
love !our parents ecause !ou have een with them for a long time.
$hether its friends# spouse or an!one# love should not e hurried
through. 2et love grow naturall!. *ll relationships# speciall! marital#
are uild on time. *n! relationship uild hurriedl!# ma! turn sour.
;es# if !ou are a loving person# ever!one will love !ou and !ou will
alwa!s live in the loving world. 2ove means forgiveness# patience#
respect# faith and hope. 2ove will invarial! e met ! love. * loving
smile will alwa!s e reciprocated ! a loving smile. 2ove gives !ou
strength to face life%s prolems. 2ove inspires !ou# love motivates !ou.
.o alwa!s e loving and !ou will see and feel love all around. When
love is our nucleus, :(V%=, W():4 !ill be our permanent abode. 3

Rememer : >/5$E $17 .E 1 3OO, 0E12E". .-/ 2O+E 0E12S
F1S/E" 1*, *E+E" F152S8. +howi!& 7i!"!ess a!"
Co$passio!, is the $ai!sta% of Love. /o" $easues love with
3i!"!ess show! towa"s those !ot as lu#3% as %ou ae. Love is
a pil&i$a&e, as &oo" as bathi!& i! sa#e" ive /a!&a. Love is
the !a$e of /o", Ra$, 7ish!a, Allah, Chist, /uu .a!a3,
/outa$ -u"h, be#ause basi# i!ti!si# tea#hi!&s of all eli&io!s
is, Love a!" 6utual Respe#t.
.our 3uture !e&en!s on 'any thin)s "ut 'ostly on .OU.
Your Quest for Being Better 24

B. 6i!" is Eve%thi!&. 0e be#o$e what we
,hi!3. ,hi!3 1i&h, ,hi!3 Positive.
"n most living eings# rain is a part of ph!sical od!# which can e
seen# ut thin)ing mind or intellect# has een gifted ! our creator
onl! to human eings. "t is onl! through this gift of thin)ing mind# that
human race is ruling over the entire planet.
Gust loo) around. $hatever !ou see# once upon a time# was
conceived in human mind. That%s wh! it is said# !hatever mind
conceives, can be achieved. +nseen human mind ma)es or mars a
personalit! ecause whatever we do or not do# our mind is ehind
ever!thing. $e cannot even lift a finger without instructions from our
mind. =ur mind controls ever! action of ours# good or ad.
&uman eings are made up of two forms. :h!sical od! and mindC
Both have powers. Bod! has ph!sical power while mind has thin)ing
power. Both powers though initiall! present in us# can e developed !
e/ercise to great e/tent. >/ercise of mind is through education and
imparting wisdom. &uman mind has unlimited potential. Right from
the eginning of our education# we must get into the hait of using our
mind and appl! it in whatever we do.
The! sa!# !e must plan. "t means we must ponder over what we
want to do# anal!0e the matter minutel! loo)ing into ever! detail#
visuali0e how to counter the prolems ' roadloc)s li)el! to arise#
weigh all the options and then onl! proceed and ta)e action. "n this
common scenario# ever!thing e/cept ph!sical e/ecution is done ! our
mind. $henever we face a prolem or something has to e done# this
is the se<uence of action# we have to adopt. .ince whole da! is full of
actions# this se<uence of action ecomes a hait or a refle/ action.
Thin)ing fast and decisivel! followed ! action# is the wa! to reali0e
!our goals in life.
I$a&i!atio! is another aspect of human mind. $ithout
imagination# nothing can e conceived in our mind. * fl!ing machine
was first conceived in $right Brothers% mind that such a machine was
a possiilit! and could e made. $hatever highl! complicated and
technologicall! advanced machines# airplanes# ships# motor cars#
household gadgets and millions of other man(made gadgetr! we see
all around us# were first conceived in someone%s mind# then made and
mass produced for ever!one%s use and consumption.
&uman mind is li)e fertile soil. $hen we sow positive thoughts# we
act positive and reap positive results. +nfortunatel!# human mind is
more prone to negativit!. -egative thoughts come more naturall! to
human mind than positive thoughts. * positive thin)ing creativel!
imaginative mind# has unlimited potentialities and possiilities for
ever!one%s enefit. ;ou just have to put it on the right trac).
&uman mind can receive or have onl! one set of thoughts at one
time. The! ma! e negative or positive. *s negative thoughts enter
our mind# which the! often do# we must literall! e/pel them from our

25 Your Quest for Being Better

mind. "t%s li)e an intruder or unwanted person getting into !our house.
;ou have no choice ut to throw him out# ! force if re<uired. .ame is
the case with human mind. $e must alwa!s e read! with positive
happ! past# present and future thoughts. *s soon as a negative
thought enters our mind# e/pel it and thin) of good# positive things
past# present or future. This process is ver! eas! and with little
practice# !ou can ecome master of onl! )eeping productive happ!
positive thoughts in !our mind and lead a lissful life.
-egative thoughts# ma)e us stressful and tension(filled. Most of the
time# we ma! feel stressful or tension(filled over insignificant matters.
Most such things are onl! wild imagination which ma! never happen
the wa! our mind is contemplating. But our mind remains full of them.
8et rid of them b !riting do!n the cause and effect or the !hole
matter. *fter !ou have written down# !ou will feel relativel! stress(
free. B! writing down !ou have got the whole thing out of !our s!stem
through !our pen and !ou would feel lighter. That is one wa! of
getting negativit! out of !our s!stem
"f !ou are prone to negative thoughts# worries and are fearful#
stressed# tension(gripped# !ou elong to a vast majorit! of people who
are naturall! negativit! prone. $h! is that whenever an!thing goes
wrong# immediatel! we imagine the worst1 $h! is it that when we find
something missing at home# immediatel! we thin) that someone must
have stolen it1 $h! we alwa!s thin) that onl! ,ad% will happen1
:lausile e/planation of our natural negativit! lies in how our
ancestors lived in this world some fift! thousand or more !ears ago as
cavemen# totall! unprotected in jungles. "t was a primitive world.
There were forests all around# onl! wild animals for compan!. *ight is
right% was the law of the land. 7ear must have een their constant
companion# fear of their personal safet! or famil!%s safet!. Being of
much smaller stature compared to ph!sical might of man! wild
animals and various diseases against which# no protection was
availale# da! and night# fear was their constant companion.
To compare aove situation and to have a feel of the same# just tr!
spending a night in a jungle in pitch dar) night without even a torch.
7eel for !ourself# how it might have een at that time. *s such#
dar)ness aggravates fear. "n spite of thousands of !ears gone !#
leftover fear ps!chosis of our ancestors from that era# is present in our
mind in various forms and is# perhaps# mother of all our negativit!. "t
is leftover remnants from those fears# which prompts us to thin)
negative# mostl! imagining something ad to happen.
2ots of deaths# loodshed# diseases# food scarcities# hunger#
helplessness seen and felt ! our ancestors during those da!s# got
converted into fear which has remained in our minds for centuries and
would# perhaps# remain there for few more centuries. *part from fear#
worr! and natural negativit! of human eings# we have man! more
avenues of negativit! li)e impatience# anger# intolerance# loss of self
Your Quest for Being Better 26

control# greed and mindless hoarding of wealth# one(up(man(ship# ego
and arrogance etc. which are there in most of us# coming to us from
caveman period or childhood or various other such factors.
To lead a rich satisfactor! rewarding life# we have to get etter of
our natural negativit! e/plained aove# through positivit, emotional
control, b generating lots of inner strength and mind control, self
discipline, positive !ill-po!er, patience, enthusiasm, generosit "
giving-sharing-helping attitude, self-belief, overcoming greed, learning
from failures, calm and cool temperament, compassion, shunning ego
and arrogance, thus developing a pleasing and magnetic personalit.
*s a child is conceived in mother%s wom# ph!sical rain ta)es
shape. "n nine months# human rain from which mind originates#
develops. Mind is a li)e a ig store(house which starts getting filled as
child grows. $e have five senses# to see, hear, taste, smell and feel
which help get it filled. Mind is li)e a sponge asorent up to the age
of aout fourteen !ears. That%s what we call impressionable ears.
0hateve we fee", &oo" o ba", positive o !e&ative, i&ht o
wo!&, &ets absobe" i! ou $i!" a!" e$ai!s thee fo life
u!less %ou thow it out of %ou s%ste$. =therwise# if we )eep
flowing with the flow# that ecomes our character# difficult to erase.
Most of our societ!%s ills can e traced to what is written in aove
paragraph. Till the age of fourteen# children are in school where old#
impractical# osolete and out(dated methods are continuing to e used
to educate the child. .o much of trash and useless information is put
in child%s mind without a thought ut nothing to uild character#
discipline# tolerance# self(control# mone! and time management# civic
sense# ethics# values and morals# patience# compassion# consideration
for others etc. which child needs ever! moment of his life.
&uman mind is ver! versatile# adaptale# fast learner and pragmatic.
"t has immense potential# power and capacit!. $ith practice and
repetition# it can solve ver! comple/ prolems. "nitiall! things might
loo) little difficult ut with practice# things can e learnt and done fast.
.ince mind controls ever! human action or reaction# it has pla!ed vital
role in estalishing human control on this planet and e!ond. *ll our
negativit! can e erased or controlled ! positivit! mindset or positive
mind control. *ll positive thin)ers have done it and so can !ou.
+nless one is orn with silver spoon# one has to wor) hard for
survival and ma)ing a rewarding life under the directions of the mind.
Anowledge# mone! and mind are doule edged. Mone! in the hands of
terrorists# will u! e/plosives and weapons to )ill ut same mone! in
the hand of a philanthropist# would fund education and hospitals for
ever!one%s enefit. "t is just the )ind of world !ou want to have or live
in# can e created ! !our mind. &uman mind is the source of ideas#
oth good and ad. 8ood ideas generate into altruism# love# caring#
)indness# compassion# creativit!# optimism# generosit!# friendship#
giving and helpful attitude and cooperation# which help us to form
meaningful relationships in our life and convert it into a lissful living.

27 Your Quest for Being Better

$e draw lots of happiness# satisfaction# fulfillment and contentment
from good ideas and relationships in our life. $ith the help of good
ideas# we can give positive direction to our lives for our good and good
of ever!one around us.
Vanities and Virtues are oth part of a human eing# controlled !
the same mind. Vanities are fed and satiated ! e/ternal factors such
as wealth# status# social standing etc. which give rise to inflated ego#
arrogance# greed and tons of innumerale negatives# while virtues
controlled ! the same mind# help create internal factors such as
)indness# altruism# peace of mind# faith in 8od and goodness etc.
$hether the person is in the grip of vanities or virtues# all depends
upon what his mind nurtures. "f a person%s mind is dominated !
e/ternal factors# he shall ecome corrupt# greed!# uncaring and selfish
while if the same person is dominated ! internal factors# he would
develop into a true leader# a philanthropist or an! such true and
worth! asset to our eleaguered societ!.
"t is said *inds are like parachutes. #he !ork best !hen open.
Right from a !oung age# we must ma)e our mind receptive to new
ideas# changes# oserving and instilling others% good points discussed
aove. $ith a narrow mind# !ou can onl! lead a narrow life# neither of
much use to !ou nor to those around !ou. =nl! )nowledge# wisdom#
open mind can lead us to success# help us achieve worth! goals in life.
RememerB You $i!" is %ou +hip. You ,hou&hts o!l% will
"ete$i!e the <ualit% of %ou life. Pea#e & 1appi!ess i! %ou
life "epe!"s o! the <ualit% of %ou ,hou&hts. If %ou spea3 o
a#t with a! evil $i!", pai! follows, while, whe! its Pue 6i!",
1appi!ess Follows.
Cost of Oxygen We Breath
In one !ay, a hu'an "ein) "reathes O*y)en e5uivalent to
three #ylin!ers. Ea#h O*y)en #ylin!er, on an avera)e, #ost Rs.677
ithout su"si!y. So, in a !ay, one uses O*y)en orth Rs.8977.
.early, it oul! #ost Rs.6,::,;77. If e ta(e an avera)e life s&an
of :; years, #ost of o*y)en e use in our life 'ay "e sta))erin)
Rs.;,77,77,777 or Rs.;7 <illion. All this o*y)en #o'es
3REE fro' TREES.

Your Quest for Being Better 28

C. A -ALA.CE4 Life bi!&s %ou +ee!it%, Pea#e
a!" 1appi!ess. .eve ove9i!"ul&e & avoi"
*fter independence# numer of displaced families came from
:a)istan and settled in *gra. *mongst them# two families had meteoric
rise in usiness. Both made ig houses and ought ever!thing that
goes with earning wealth in our great "ndian tradition. "n oth cases#
while patriarchs of the famil!# who had wor)ed so hard after
displacement from :a)istan# remained ver! humle without an! ,airs,
ut new generation# who got ever!thing on a platter# ecame full of
arrogance and vanit!# loo)ing down ever!one else. >/travagant
spending haits# u!ing ever!thing the! li)ed# air travel which was
rare in those da!s# ecame a norm with them. 7oreign holida!s#
imported high end household gadgets# class! friends# ecame the
order of the da!.
But life has a wa! of teaching hard lessons# when we indulge e!ond
reasonale limits. *fter few !ears# as is usual# customers found
alternatives# government policies changed# availailit! of cheaper
goods or man! ad things for usiness happens when ad da!s come.
+nfortunatel!# families were totall! unprepared to ta)e the shoc)s.
"nitial landslide was slow# ut when an)ers and creditors come
calling# things ecome ominous in no time. &owever# without going in
further details# situation now is such# that while at that time# these
were the onl! two families who owned cars# now the! are the onl!
families in the communit!# who do not have cars# though ever!one
else have cars. 8od%s wa!sC $hat can we do1
8ood and ad# success and failure# profit and loss# hope and despair#
high and lows# are all part of life. But if !ou have een living a
alanced life# more or less same in all circumstances# !ou withstand
life%s shoc)s etter. *s !ou wade through life# ma)e learning a wa!.
2esson for !ou here is# if !ou are not too happ! when !ou win# !ou will
not e too desolate# if and when !ou lose. #hat is balancing our life.
That is how life must e lived# a modest# honest and alanced life# in
which !ou do not jump too high when !ou are going uphill# there is no
need for !ou to lose !our heart# if and when downhill arrives. ;ou are
same in all seasons or conditions.
:ife is generall guided b t!o important forces, centripetal and
centrifugal. Centripetal force draws !ou towards !ourself# while
centrifugal force pushes !ou towards others. -ormall!# a person is
predominantl! either# centripetal or centrifugal. :ersons with
predominant #e!tipetal fo#e are mostl! selfish# overl! possessive#
self(centered# concerned onl! aout themselves or their families. Being
selfish and self centered# sooner or later# ever!one comes to )now that
the! are that wa!. 7or ovious reasons# such people are mostl!
despised# are not ver! li)eale.

29 Your Quest for Being Better

:ersons with predominant #e!tifu&al fo#e are caring t!pe# self
sacrificing and much concerned aout others# even at their own cost or
their famil!%s cost. Both# e8treme &entripetal or &entrifugal are not
much good. Best are something in etween# those# who can ta)e care
of themselves and their families# and also care and are concerned
aout others# their welfare and well eing.
" alwa!s tr! to inspire and motivate the readers to ecome caring#
sharing# giving t!pe ecause such attitude onl! will ring peace and
serenit! in life. But onl! when !ou have ta)en care of !ourself# !ou can
ta)e care of others. =nl! when !ou are health! !ourself# !ou can help
others. &ow can !ou ta)e care or help others# if !ou !ourself are not
health!. .o the first and foremost thing for !ou# is to ta)e care of !our
own health# well eing and also !our famil!%s# so that !ou can also
ta)e care of others. $hile travelling ! air# during the safet! drill#
regulations demand that in case of loss of o/!gen# when o/!gen hood
drops# first !ou have to put !ourself# then help others to put it on.
.imple fact is# unless !ou are !ourself health!# !ou cannot help others.
.ame wa!# !ou can share !our wealth and e active
philanthropicall!# onl! if !ou have enough wealth. 7or that# !ou have
to create wealth ! fair means# so that firstl!# !ou and !our famil! can
use and enjo! it and then share and help others. "f !ou have just
enough for !ourself and can arel! ma)e ends meet# what can !ou
share and give. This point re<uires careful thin)ing and a modest and
alanced recourse has to e adopted ! !ou# so that others% needs can
also e fulfilled through !ou. "t%s where !ou elevate !ourself to live
!our life in such a wa! that ever!one around !ou enefits from the
wealth created through !our honest efforts and laors. That%s what can
e called >nature8s la: o9 balancing8.
"n life# e/cess of an!thing is li)e poison which ta)es !ou towards
immodest living. "f !ou have e/cess of mone!# instead of
accumulating# nole thing for !ou would e to use a part of the e/cess
for the enefit of societ!# for the enefit of those not orn so luc)!. "f
!ou hoard ever!thing onl! for !ourself or !our famil!# !ou are going
against the nature%s law of alancing. 8andhi Gi +sed to sa! #here is
enough in this !orld for everones needs, but not for greed. .o shun
greed# use !our e/cess for the general good through a life of alance.
Rela/ation# entertainment# enjo!ing life%s comforts and pleasures# if
indulged in moderation# are delightful and give !ou satisfaction# ut
when indulged in e/cess# are detrimental to !our health# ps!che and
welleing. Too much of an!thing is as ad as too little. >ver!one li)es
to have good food ut# if eaten in e/cess# !ou )now what will happen.
.o# what is recommended is a alanced diet which must have all
ingredients in right proportion for good health. Balancing 2ife is li)e
adding salt in the food we eat. $ithout salt or e/cess of salt# ma)es
food inedile. &ence# desires# wealth# wor)# rela/ation# food inta)e etc.
have to e in right proportion in life to ma)e it alanced# neither more
Your Quest for Being Better 30

nor less. That is achievale with little practice# commitment '
Balanced living is li)e tightrope wal)ing which is done ! alancing
the od! weight on a tight rope. "n life# !ou will e face to face with
different contradictor! situations# where onl! practical course open for
!ou will e alancing out things. Balancing what !ou want to do with
what !ou ought to do. Balancing eating health! foods against desire to
eat tast! fried unhealth! foods# ta)ing rest and e/ercise# alancing
time and relationships demand# alancing spurt of anger at something
going wrong through someone%s fault and a rational tolerant attitude
for future goodC There are umpteen things in life# which re<uire
alancing haits# attitudes# ailities to ma)e a peaceful# harmonious#
tran<uil living.
Most important thing in life is to alance !our materialistic desires#
which are outward# with spiritual needs# which are mostl! inward.
$ell# oth are necessar! and essential part of our lives. ;ou have to
do well professionall! to ma)e a good secure living for !ourself and
famil!. But for a life of jo!# happiness# peace of mind# well eing and
satisfaction# fulfillment of spiritual needs is also ver! necessar!.
,1piritualit is !our connectivit! with !our creator# to spread
goodwill and hope for all those around# to do something for other
need! eings# helping others and overall compassionate attitude. "t%s
when people loo) at !ou for guidance# direction and support. "t%s when
empath! flowers with !our presence. "t%s when others love to e in
!our compan!. "t%s when !our mere presence means a lot in an!
gathering and uplifts ever!one%s mood. "t%s when !our asence is
noticed ! all and !ou are missed ! ever!one. .o# ma)e a ase rule
in life <e ,raceful in adversit, *agnanimous in victor.
Basicall!# law of alancing means how to alance profit and loss#
ecause oth are integral part of life. *s initiall! e/plained in this
lesson# the first rule is that one should not e too happ! when !ou
profit or win and too desolate when loss is there. &ow to handle loss
which is ound to e there off and on in life1 "f !ou ta)e ever!thing in
its stride and accept the losses mentall!# it would e much easier.
2osses do not mean onl! mone!# it could e death of a near and dear
one# loss of relationship# loss of face or similar developments in life#
putting !ou to great deal of stress. Two rules appl! here. =ne is to
accept the loss after !ou tried !our est and secondl!# all losses are
acceptale e8cept the loss of hope. =ne should alwa!s hope for the
est# since onl! hope produces confidence and positive energ! in the
od! to ma)e positive things happen.
;es# in an! competition# match or race# ever!one puts great effort to
win. >ver!one puts in umpteen hours training# going through rut# mill
and grind. "n spite of all the efforts# hard wor) and ac)(rea)ing
laor# which has gone into the arduous training# luc) or chance also
pla!s a significant role in winning and losing. 2i)e most of these
competitive e/ams# difference is onl! of one mar) with which positions

31 Your Quest for Being Better

are decided. .ince# first# second and third or gold# silver and ron0e
medals have to e decided in the race# match or competition#
difference in the placement is insignificant and sometimes# it is difficult
to choose first# second and third. "n such a scenario# one must control
emotions and remain dignified# graceful and magnanimous# whatever
the result. =ne must accept the result gracefull!. There are no
permanent winners or losers# hence a alanced approach is the est in
which oth loser and winner show grace and dignit!.
*t man! places in this oo) " have mentioned negativit comes
naturall to us. ;es# that has een m! oservation. $e are orn
negative thin)ers# persons with negative attitude# ta)ing to negativit!
as fish ta)es to water. $henever we have to do something#
immediatel! negative thoughts will come to our mind# wh! and how# it
can%t e done. Compared to negative thin)ers# positive thin)ers are
few# ecause we are geneticall! negativit! inclined. $e have to force
ourselves to thin) and e positive.
-egativit! in the form of fear# overcautious approach# dout# ,safet!
first% attitude# eing careful# has remained geneticall! within us in spite
of the progress we have made as human race. Those fear or negative
genes, have een passed on through generations. 7ear is# in fact# the
mother of all vanities i.e. an/iet!# jealous!# greed# env!# worr!#
failure# insecurit!# impatience# intolerance etc. 7ear of losing our near
and dear ones# fear of failure# old age or not getting our due# losing
mone! are alwa!s looming large in our suconscious minds
That is wh! human mind is alwa!s cautious# resistant to change and
new ideas# prone to worr! ecause of remnants of those fears#
an/ieties# un(certainties left within us. $ithout that fear or
overcautious ps!chosis# phoias or osessions aout ta)ing the safe
route# we could not have survived. &uman race would have een
e/tinct ! now ut for this so(called fear and overcautious ps!chosis.
Because of fears# our forefathers were alwa!s alert# light sleepers#
which was a must re<uirement for survival during those ages.
Thus our old mindset is negativit! inclined while presentl!# when we
live a secure orderl! life# it is positivit! we want. :resent :ositive mind
is resistance(free# without limits# aggressive# progressive# confident
and empowered. 8ood positive mind can do a lot good ut then# a
negative mind can also pla! havoc# if it runs amo). &ence positivit!
and negativit!# have to e alanced. :ositivit! has to e restrained !
negativit! to some e/tent. * cautious safe approach# which ma! e
realistic and practical# is re<uired mostl!. .o creating a wor)ale
health! alance in our mind aout positive and negative approach and
attitude# is what ever!one needs.
&ow totall! positive and aggressive mind rought destruction and
complete decimation of 8erman! under 1itle during .econd $orld
$ar# is a case in point. &itler# with his arm!%s successes in the initial
stages of war# was so positive and confident aout his ruthless
Your Quest for Being Better 32

repression# that he opened man! fronts including the most disastrous#
Russian front. Those generals who wanted a cautious route to e
ta)en# were sidelined and aggressive li)e(minded generals given the
charge at various levels of militar! command. &ad &itler listened to his
cautious generals who wanted to proceed slowl!# without dout# $orld
$ar would have ended differentl!. &itler had ecome e/tremel!
confident of initial victories ever!where on all fronts and considered his
armies invincile. But histor! proved otherwise.
$hile we live# we ta)e good care of our od! in giving it all sorts of
comforts# lu/uries and entertainment. 9uring our sta! here we u! ig
houses# ig swan)! cars# a lu/urious life(st!le# u! umpteen high(end
ojects and gadgets and of course ma)e man! new friends and
relationships which go along with such life(st!le and illusor! social
standing. * ig house and swan)! cars need e/pensive cleaning and
maintenance# lu/urious life(st!le and high end ojects need constant
upgrading# alwa!s on the loo)(out for what others have# so that !ou
can own etter and more e/pensive things. .uch )ind of friends and
relationships also need constant nurturing# which ma! e <uite
stressful and at times frustrating.
$e must e thoughtful u!ing all such things of momentar!
pleasure and lu/uries. $e have to find a alance etween such
perverse material pleasures and eternal happiness and peace. 7inding
a alance etween necessar! and unnecessar! in life is asolute must.
=ur continuous strive for outdoing ever!one else# might cost us dear.
9o the much needed alancing act. 9o good# spread goodness# e )ind
and compassionate# show gratitude for all the good# )indness and
compassion !ou have received from &im# from &is creations# indulge in
some service activit! or alleviate someone%s pain ! !our philanthropic
acts. $hatever we can do# is etter than nothing or just loo)ing the
other wa!. There is still time# ecause !ou will carr! nothing with !ou.
Balanced life is an art# which we can master when we ma)e good
use of our virtues and have control over our vanities# speciall! inflated
ego which will alwa!s come in the wa! of a tran<uil# satisfied and
contented wa! of life we must aim ultimatel!. "t is eas! to )eep
alance when things are going right. But most restraint# patience#
emotional control# cool temperament is re<uired when things get
tough# hot and out of control. "t is then !ou control !our temper# mood
swings and alance desires# things and needs of life. 7or living a life of
grace# dignit!# hope and peace# !ou must master this great art of
Balanced 2iving. 3

RememerB Pea#e of $i!" a!" Life of -ala!#e #o9e8ist but
1ea" a!" 1eat will alwa%s be at wa. You will ulti$atel% fi!"
%ou Pea#e a!" -liss i! -ala!#i!& out the two. A!% pi#e is
woth pa%i!& fo that Pea#e.

33 Your Quest for Being Better

1D. APPRECIA,I(.E +oul +oup a!" +weet 4ish
fo AllE -e Poa#tive whe! %ou #a! be
APPRECIA,IVE. Its the best 6otivatio!al Ai".
* soldier died in action and his od! was rought to his small town#
where huge crowd had assemled for the last rites. &is old class
teacher and man! of his schoolmates# were also there. .oldier%s
mother# in tears# handed his teacher# an old sheet of paper# which she
found in his purse. =n opening# teacher instantl! recogni0ed the sheet.
2ong ago# teacher had circulated a sheet of paper with each student%s
name written on top and all other students of the class were to write
what the! li)ed est aout him. The soldier had )ept that paper with
complimentar! remar)s from his classmates# neatl! folded in his purse
for !ears and so had most of his classmates# who had assemled there
for cremation. That old worn out piece of paper was a priceless
rememrance of the past to rejuvenate the present.
$h! we have started this important lesson on Appreciation with the
aove touching stor!# is to show !ou how much we all value
appreciation. Because the teacher told the children to write !hat ou
like most about the other classmates# onl! complimentar! and
appreciative remar)s were written in that sheet# which ever!one li)e
to hear or read aout themselves. Those children# who grew into
adults with time# )ept that piece of paper carefull! with them and each
of them must e seeing that paper regularl! to feel good# to revitali0e#
to feel enthralled or get motivated. There could not e an e/ception to
this rule. *fter all# we all are humans. Appreciation is our soul soup.
"t%s when we see good in someone# we should put it in words or
write it. ,Appreciation is as simple as that. * few spo)en or written
words of appreciation can change lives# transform people and spread
happiness and jo! all around. *ppreciation has the power to electrif!
the atmosphere# convert an ordinar! eing into an achiever# get such
things done which seemed impossile a while ago. B! appreciation
ever!one gains. *ppreciation has the power to convert negative into
:ositive. Appreciation and .ossibilities will alwa!s go together.
To get the est out of his followers# appreciation is the most
powerful tool a leader has. :eaders are those !ho are Appreciative,
follo!ers like to be appreciated b their leader. $ith few words of
appreciation# a disgruntled# disheartened# directionless arm!# compan!
or organi0ation# is transformed into a thumping victorious outfit. "n an
appreciative atmosphere# environment and culture# ever!one grows#
feels the tinge and fragrance of success# is enthused e!ond limits and
wor)s untiringl! hard towards the achievement of a common goal. -o
wonder *ppreciation transforms a certain defeat into a well earned
victor!. *ppreciation is a recipe which does not fail.
"n spite of all that is written or felt aout appreciation# our asic
human nature is negativel! inclined. Most of us are starved of
Your Quest for Being Better 34

appreciation# ecause of the deep(rooted notion that it would spoil
us. Most of us have never received our due# where appreciation is
concerned. =n the other hand# how much criticism we see all around
us. * mista)en notion is paramount in most of us that more we are
critici0ed# etter we shall perform. -othing is far from truth. "f success
in life is !our goal# practice it ! eing proactive in appreciating wor)#
things and events and restrain in criticism or adverse comments.
Media is live e/ample which we come across dail!. -ews papers# TV#
maga0ines# all are e/pressing criticism 4EH to EH (good). Bad news
gras the headlines and if we go ! that# nothing good or appreciative
is happening in this world. Murderers# rapists# e/tremists# roers#
chain snatchers# terrorists# corrupt politicians and officers will alwa!s
gra the headlines and lead stories. But a good person li)e !ou and
me# will never even e mentioned# ecause it won%t sell. Media goes
out of the wa! to paint the whole world as ad. +nfortunatel!# even
when right thin)ing people%s mind gets omarded ! ,B*9 T&-8.
*-9 &*::>-"-8.%# we start thin)ing that entire world is li)e that.
-othing good reall! e/ists here. +nfortunatel!# most of the ordinar!
good people spend so much time watching TVs and ad things it
telecasts# the! thin) such things are common# there is nothing wrong
in indulging in such activities.
+nfortunatel!# as human eings we are filled with negativit! ecause
we do not practice positivit! from childhood. -o dout# it is eas! to
critici0e or find faults in people or their wor) output. &owever# in spite
of ever!thing# this world survives ecause there is lot more good than
ad ut since ad is loud and vociferous# it finds prominence# e it
media# meetings# general discussions# food at home etc.
*s parent# create an appreciative and encouraging environment at
home for the child to grow up. "t%s li)e trees planted in the soil of
appreciation will e stronger and full of vigor to handle life%s ups and
downs etter. The! will feel more loved# secure# self confident and
alanced in life# than those children rought up in unsupportive#
critical and unappreciative atmosphere. :arents# often# thin) that !
spending huge amounts on child%s education ! putting them in high(
end public> %nternational schools# spending lavishl! on their irthda!s
or fulfilling all their wishes# the! have done# what ought to have een
done for their child. =o, that is not so. *n atmosphere of love#
affection# appreciation and encouragement at home# helps !our child
to grow into a etter human eing# caring t!pe# sharing t!pe# a person
with higher self(elief# self(esteem and self(worth which help him a lot
during his growth from childhood to manhood# forging meaningful
relationship# strong marital indings# ta)ing good care of the parents
in their old age and general social responsiilities.
.incere appreciation or compliment is one of the most effective tools
to motivate an!one# small child or a grown(up person ali)e.
*ppreciation has great transformationImotivation <ualities. 2u)ewarm
water cannot move an!thing. ;ou re<uire steam generated through

35 Your Quest for Being Better

appreciationImotivation# to move ig trains# engines or ships.
Motivation is li)e happiness# as it multiplies when shared. $hen !ou
motivate others# !ou get self(motivated !ourself. ;ou can%t motivate
others without getting motivated !ourself.
=ne da!# ever!one has to grow old. >ven the childC But children who
are rought up in loving and appreciative environment# ta)e good care
of their old parents. The! do it not ecause it is their dut! or the!
must do it# not fearing other!ise !hat !ill people sa. The! do it
ecause the! want to do it. The! ta)e great pleasure and pride in
serving their parents in old age and Than) 8od for that privilege. "n
most households# where parents are left to fend for themselves in old
age# are those where while growing up# home atmosphere lac)ed
positivit! through appreciation# encouragement ' )ind words.
9o not hold !ourself for appreciation. .a!# ecause !ou must
e/press !our thoughts and e/pressions of appreciation effectivel!. -o
one minds hearing appreciative remar)s again and again. "t is music to
their ears and a great feel good factor of which people should never e
deprived ecause in the end it helps !ou a great deal.
&owever# difference etween appreciation and flatter! must e
understood. *ppreciation is sincere e/pression of one%s true feelings#
while flatter! is with hidden self interest and is insincere. 7latter!#
invarial! is loaded with selfish ends and individual gains from the
person# while in sincere appreciation# no such gains are there.
*ppreciation is the soul soup while flatter! is opposite of that.
*t home# we are too engrossed in eating the delicious food dished
out ! our wife or mother# never uttering a word of appreciation ut
when an!thing is to our disli)e# we oil over# never hesitating to
critici0e even minor imperfections in food taste or <ualit!.
+nfortunatel!# it is not onl! food# an!thing not to our li)ing# we urst
over and never hesitate to e/press ourselves negativel! while on the
positive side# we are tuned to ta)e things for granted. $hen we li)e
something# we consider it unnecessar! to sa! a few words of
appreciation# acceptance or encouragement which would convert an
ordinar! home into paradise. That%s wh!# it is rightl! said ?:R*".>
2=+92; ut lame softl!. :R*".> :+B2"C2; ut critici0e privatel!J. 3

RememerB 1ow lo!& we live, !o o!e 3!ows. -ut whateve it
is, live it well, live it to the bi$ b% bei!& appe#iative, positive
$i!"e", e!thusiast, opti$ist with &eat possibilities.
Appe#iatio! is the best 6otivatio! whi#h #o!vets a! o"i!a%
life i!to bliss, paa"ise, puposeful a!" $ea!i!&ful. Also,
a##ept all e8pessio!s of ,1A.7+ & /RA,I,)4E fo$ othes
with /a#e & Appe#iatio!.
It is 'ore i'&ortant to "e >IN= than Ri)ht.
Your Quest for Being Better 36

11. Life is !ot about heai!& a!" seei!& but
what #ou!ts $ost is LI+,E.I./ a!"
(-+ERVI./. -e a"ept at -oth.
.ome talents or life(s)ills are god(given. ;ou onl! need to hone
them as !ou wade through life. But some s)ills# li)e eing a good
listener and a )een oserver# are the s)ills which have to e ac<uired I
instilled and developed for an empowered and rewarding living.
$inners# successful people and popular lovale persons with attractive
and magnetic personalities# are not dropped from heaven. The! are
the same people li)e !ou and me# ut when someone sa!s something#
the! listen attentivel! ma)ing him feel important and cared for. The!
are also )een intelligent oservers.
8od has given us two ears and one tongue with a specific purpose#
to listen more than tal)ing. "ncidentall!# we do the opposite. $e often
hear people sa!ing 9% !anted to tell him this and that?2,, 9% told
him??2. But rarel!# 9% !anted to listen...2 "n fact# when !ou pa!
undivided attention to what someone is sa!ing# it is li)e silentl! sa!ing
% care, through !our attentive listening. ;ou can see and feel
someone%s open and caring heart through his attention(filled listening.
*ttentive listening motivates the spea)er to share his )nowledge and
e/periences# need for which# can never e over(emphasi0ed.
"n turn# the person feels closer to !ou and a new relationship is
developed# which would not e there ut for the attention !ou have
paid to what he wanted to sa!. *ttentive listening means sharing
whatever is in his heart and mind. Before the paper and writing
accessories were commerciall! produced# it was onl! through listening#
people learned and ac<uired volumes of )nowledge. 7our Vedas and
man! religious oo)s from the world(over# were passed on from
generation to generation ! listening and memori0ing onl!.
*t times# ma! e !ou are preoccupied or attention is somewhere
else. +nderstandal!# !ou ma! not e ale to give proper attention to
what other person is sa!ing or have no interest in what is eing said.
.till !ou must ensure through !our good manners and courteous
disposition that the person does not feel small or offended. Because
when !ou do not give the person !our ear properl!# he might feel
rejected# elittled# insulted or develop inferiorit! comple/. &ence# !our
good pedigree and pleasing personalit! entails that !ou e patient#
respectful and tolerant to people with whom !ou are coming in contact
and the! should feel happ! that the! met !ou.
$hen someone is spea)ing# !ou should not onl! listen attentivel!#
ut should not change the topic aruptl! or interrupt him. ;ou must let
him finish# don%t spea) immediatel! after he is finished# ta)e !our time
to repl! ut never e/hiit agitation or irritation# which is as good or as
ad as showing disrespect. "n fact# !our listening hait shows more of
finer sides of !our personalit!# !our calm# cool and unhurried

37 Your Quest for Being Better

temperament# which are all parts of a pleasing personalit!# a popular
person# with whom ever!one li)es to interact or share views.
&ait of attentive listening must e inculcated earl! in life# from
school age# where a child or student must pa! full attention to what is
eing said ! the teacher or lecturer# grasp and understand the
suject# so that a health! foundation is laid for the career through all
important listening hait. *s we grow in education or an! field#
attentive listeners will alwa!s e ahead of casual listeners. "t helps us
in professional field a lot# when we can grasp intimate )nowledge or
personal e/periences of man! distinguished personalities# for which no
oo) or related information ma!# otherwise e availale. >ven in group
discussions or meetings# !ou have to listen carefull!# concentrating on
what is eing said# so that a proper point(wise repl! can e given.
"n married life# so man! things partners are doing with and for each
other. *ll these things are important for the partners including
undivided attention from the other partner# ecause ultimatel!# oth of
them onl! have each other to e/press their thoughts and sentiments.
Mutual distrust and discord will prevail within the marriage# when
partner feels that other partner is not pa!ing needed attention. -ot
pa!ing attention to what is eing said ! the other partner# ma! e
perceived as insulting. "t%s not aout hearing. "t%s aout listening#
pa!ing attention# focusing on what is eing said ! the partner. "t%s
aout caring. "t%s aout the e/change of much needed love# when
partners loo) into each other%s e!es when the! listen intentl!.
"f !ou are a good listener# then tr! to e a etter one. "f !ou have
not developed this all important techni<ue# which will not onl! help
!ou in marriage ut also in ever! other sphere in life# uilding and
improving relationships with famil! memers# friends# relatives#
suordinates# usiness associates# professional colleagues etc. $hat
differentiates us from animals is that we can listen to our fellow
eings% dreams# fears# jo!s# sorrows# desires ' Vise versa. "t%s when#
without uttering a word# we conve! to the other person 9% understand
or % care or % !ill be there or ou can al!as count on meJ. Being a
good listener# helps !ou all the wa! in life# in !our profession#
usiness# jo and more so# in attaining marital liss.
Wise person has long ears, big ees but a short tongue.
"mplications are simple. $ise person is the one# who listens
attentivel!# oserves intentl! ut tal)s less. -othing goes unnoticed
from him though he ma! not sa! or sa! onl! at the appropriate time in
a positive manner. *lwa!s e on the loo)out for whatever good is
happening around !ou or is eing said. =serve others% good points
and incorporate in !ourself. *lwa!s )eep !our e!es and ears open. Be
slow of tongue ut <uic) of e!e. Thin) <uic) ut tal) slow.
Being a good oserver means creating an anal!tical mind which
notices the other person or situation inside out. &e is <uic) thin)er#
decisive not vacillating and can weigh a person or situation <uic)l!.
Your Quest for Being Better 38

&e# of course# listens attentivel! ut also hears what goes unsaid !
other person%s facial e/pressions and od! language. &e has a
calculative and in<uisitive mind# ta)ing minimal time in assessing the
situation or the person# and is <uic) to act. &is pleasing and magnetic
personalit! is the result of his )een oservation power# since he is in
the hait of instilling good <ualities he oserves in others. -o one is
perfect ut one can alwa!s tr! for e/cellence# which one can develop
through )een oservation and hait of attentive listening. Both
comined# can do wonders to !our personalit! transformation.
-o dout# often# one is tempted to tal) unceasingl! to impress
others# not )nowing that ! continuousl! tal)ing# he is not onl!
creating a poor impression of himself# ut also e/posing himself since
nothing is opened more times b mistake than the mouth. Being a
good listener is godl! <ualit!. 8od listens to our sincere pra!ers# woes#
complaints ever! moment. &e filters them and sends &is innumerale
lessings and aundant 8oodies for us to enjo! without ever a thought
of return. That%s wh!# &e is 8od and we# mere mortals. But mortals
can also e 8od(li)e ! instilling good haits# one of which is eing a
good# caring and attentive listener.
$e must never forget to conve! our Than)s and 8ratitude for all &e
has given us# this perfect human od!# a eautiful world to live in#
uninterrupted suppl! of life(giving fresh air# water and umpteen
delicious vegetales and fruits# caring famil!# friends and relatives and
millions of others eautiful things. &e has also given us a thin)ing
mind which &e has not given to an! other species on this planet. $ant
to pa! &im ac) or Than) &im1 .pare some valuale time of !ours
and just go to an old age home and listen to inmates# their woes# life%s
stories# prolems# sentiments# emotions# for which no one has time. "n
return# !ou will get the est gift of !our life which is &appiness#
.erenit! and :eace# for which !ou might have een striving for long.
"n the argain# !ou have ecome more caring# sharing# li)eale and an
improved# magnetic and pleasant personalit!. 3

RememerB A &oo" Liste!e is alwa%s $oe popula tha! a
&oo" spea3e. -% atte!tive liste!i!&, %ou tou#h peoples heat
a!" $i!", those #oes "eep i!si"e hu$a!s, whi#h ae "iffi#ult
to ea#h othewise. +o$e people have /o"9&ive! tale!t of a
&oo" spea3e but fo bei!& &oo" liste!e o obseve, %ou "o!t
!ee" 1is help. You ;ust !ee" to be si!#eel% pusui!& the at of
bei!& a! atte!tive liste!e a!" 3ee! obseve.

0o alon) to )et alon) 0o alon) to )et alon) 0o alon) to )et alon) 0o alon) to )et alon)
One of the 'ost valua"le traits in hu'an "ein)s,
is the a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le a"ility to )et alon) ith all (in! of &eo&le.

39 Your Quest for Being Better

12. You #a!!ot please all the people all the
ti$e. 4o!t eve! t%. .eve let '01A, will
people +a%, ule %ou life.
* couple ought a don)e! from a village fare for their use. $hile on
their wa! home with don)e!# a man commented What a stupid thing
to do. While the have a donke to ride, both of them are !alking on
foot2. .o the man as)ed the wife to sit on the don)e!. *fter some
distance# a lad! remar)ed 9$o! selfish of the lad' While she is
comfortabl sitting on the donke, poor husband is !alking in the hot
sun2. &earing this uncomplimentar! remar)# lad! got down from the
don)e! and as)ed her husand to sit on the don)e!# instead. The! had
gone a little distance# heard another derogator! remar) from a
passer! 9@ust look at it. *ale chauvinistic pigA $o! selfish and mean
of the husband to make the good lad !alk in this hot sun, !hile he
himself, is comfortabl sitting on the donke2. &usand could not ta)e
it and as)ed the wife also to sit on the don)e!. :at came another
uncomplimentar! remar) from another passer!# ?@ust look, ho! cruel
people can be to the poor animals !ho cannot retaliate. .oor donke
ma die in this hot sun, carring both of them on his back. ( ,od,
please help the poor soul2. 2uc)il! for the couple# the! reached their
house and could afford some respite.
Moral of this old store! is ver! clear. "t is !our life to live and live it
the wa! !ou want it# )eeping !our conscience clear and as long as !ou
don%t harm an!one else# do not let others control !our life ! their
adverse unwarranted comments. ,ist is 7ou cannot please all the
people all the time. 4ont even tr. =ever W$A# W%:: .;(.:; 1A7,
rule our life.
>ven $arren Buffet# the second richest man in the world# who
delivered news papers as a child# advises us ,%ts our life. Wh give
chance to others to rule over it. :eople# these da!s# go to
unimaginale lengths to get others% approval or appreciation# ma)ing
their own# as well as life of their )ith and )in# miserale. This is one of
the reasons# wh! so man! people live a life without peace# full of
turmoil. =ften we see people going to great lengths# stooping as low
as possile# ending ac)wards to get a favorale remar) or glance of
appreciation from others. =ften# individual%s life is entirel! molded !
?ho! others !ould like it, praise it or !ould be impressed'J. :eople
often ma)e a fool of themselves# put themselves at others% merc!#
tr!ing to impress them. 9What !ill the sa' What !ill others think'2
:s!chologists feel that after asic human needs li)e sufficient
wealth# own house# satisfactor! relationships and attaining desired
lifest!le etc. have een met# one loo)s around for meeting another
critical need which is to be liked and to be held in high esteem b
others. 7ine# the need is there in almost ever!one ut few are ale to
overcome general adulation ut most succum to this and ecome
Your Quest for Being Better 40

slave of resultant !hat !ill people sa or think mentalit!. .uch people
are of shallow gestures# low self(esteem# poor leaders# lac) self
confidence and focused on superfluous outer pomp and show rather
than inner values# which ma)e us intrinsicall! strong persons.
;ou can never have ever!one praise !ou or condemn !ou at the
same time. :eople alwa!s come around when !ou do things !our wa!#
in spite of what and how others are doing. Be a good listener speciall!
to those !ou trust. 2isten to their advise# evaluate it ojectivel! ut#
alwa!s ma)e !our own decisions ecause !ou onl! will face or have to
live with the conse<uences which will arise from !our actions. Be true
to !ourself and stop doing things just to please others# ecause their
pleasure# approval or appreciation# actuall!# means nothing to !ou.
"t%s important that !ou have to li)e !ourself first and e appreciative
of what !ou do# then onl! others will li)e !ou and e appreciative# ut
it should never e the main motivation in doer(ship. 7or that !ou have
to e a person of high self(esteem. *lwa!s maintain !our dignit! and
grace# which is more important than whatever temporar! adulation
!ou ma! get from others which# in an! case# is of no value to !ou.
*lwa!s remain cut aove others in maintaining !our dignit! and grace.
Maintain !our own standards# never compromise on them.
That does not mean that !ou pull others down to go up or )eep
harping on !our own virtues. ;our ehavior should e impeccale and
aove oard. "f !ou have or develop <ualities which are appreciale or
praise(worth!# people will definitel! notice# though people are normall!
not ver! e/pressive aout positivit!# ut <uite so aout negativit!.
&ave patience# e good and tr! eing etter. Ma)e !ourself an
emodiment of dignit! and grace. Caring# giving# helping# respectful
t!pe of people never go unnoticed. ;ou will alwa!s notice that people
of few words are alwa!s more respected than those who )eep tal)ing
to impress others# mostl! tal)ing aout themselves and their
achievements. $hen !ou tal)# tal) to e/press# not impress. &ere also
focusing is ver! essential. 7ocus on e/pressing not impressing. 2isten
more# tal) less.
"t is onl! people with low self(esteem# who adl! need others%
approval and praise. :eople with high self(esteem# who have had good
upringing# are not hungr! of praise and others% approval. The! remain
focused on good and are not othered aout others% approval or
disapproval. "n fact# the hait of see)ing others% approval ma! e
initiated inadvertentl! ! parents in earl! childhood when the!# sort of#
encourage and initiate the child with !hat !ill people or someone
think or sa if ou did like this, !hat !ill people think if ou dressed
like that or everone does like that onl without a thought. .uch
tendencies# for short term approval# must e avoided. "nstead# child
must e introduced to health! and long term enefits of high self(
esteem and self(respect# rather than aping others mindlessl!.
8oes without sa!ing# that we all need certain amount of others%
approval# appreciation# acceptance and praise# ut that should never

41 Your Quest for Being Better

ecome our sole ojective. 8et into the hait of trusting !our own
judgment# sense of fair(pla!# code of ethics and values# which will
ma)e !ou a role model to others. Because of their high moral
standards# earlier leaders could ta)e short term unpleasant and
unpopular decisions for long term enefits# decisions which present
da! ,leaders% find difficult to ta)e. Rather# the! follow a polic! of
appeasement of certain sections# which is detrimental to general good
' also harmful in the long run for most people and societ! in general.
*rtificialit! and show off on facebook or such social networ)s# at
times# orders on reprehensile or worth laughing at. "dea of the
,faceoo)% is connectivit!# persons )nown or un)nown to !ou# even
sa!# thousands of miles awa!. But mostl! medium is eing used !
people to show(off their ,stuff%# new modern houses# swan)! cars#
photographs of functions held at e/pensive places or e/otic holida!s or
even how eautiful or handsome their spouse is# etc. "t might draw
!ou a few !o!s ut man! feelings of jealous!# env! or even hate#
ma! remain une/pressed.
$hile !ou are not even on ,hello% terms with !our ne/t door neighor
or might not have e/changed a word or smile with someone from the
same neighorhood where !ou might have een living for !ears#
people tr!ing to sta! ,connected% with people# whom the! have never
met or )nown# does sound hollow. " find nothing wrong with
,facebook ut it%s people%s attitude# hunger of drawing a word of
appreciation# praise or approval# which is mostl! false# is most
laughale. "t%s etter to overcome intention of eing centre of
attention and attraction# wherever !ou can. That craving is self(
defeating# graceless and undignified.
+ltimatel!# in life# people get attracted ! the depth of sustance
!ou have# !our )nowledge and wisdom. These are automatic magnets
and self(loc)s in one%s personalit!. "n spite of the desire to e
appreciated and recogni0ed# !ou must alance that need with more
roust lifest!le and value s!stem# ta)ing pride in what and how !ou do
things and !our achievements. 3
RememerB Live %ou full pote!tial with "i&!it%, &a#e a!"
self9espe#t. Live a pi!#iple" life, !ot a life of show9off. +ta%
tue to %ou pi!#iples, ethi#s a!" values. Cai!& t%pes, helpi!&
t%pes, &ivi!& t%pe people with altuisti# te!"e!#ies, will alwa%s
fi!" pla#e "eep i! peoples heats. 4o !ot #hase flatte%, oute
po$p a!" show. -e a peso! of substa!#e & i!ti!si# values.
,his is the fist step towa"s be#o$i!& bette tha! %ou ae.
A##ept !o o!es "efi!itio! of %ou life. 4EFI.E Y()R+ELF.
%ife is not a 'atter of hol!in) )oo! #ar!s,
/ut, &layin) a &oor han! ell. &layin) a &oor han! ell. &layin) a &oor han! ell. &layin) a &oor han! ell.
Your Quest for Being Better 42

1:. 0he! #i#u$sta!#es #a!!ot be #ha!&e",
C1A./E Y()R+ELF. Alwa%s, be pepae" to
/ive up /oo" fo the -ette.
2eo Tolsto! has said 9;verone thinks of changing the !orld but no
one thinks of changing himself2. Change is the unwritten law of this
world and there is no wa!# we can escape change in our lives. *s soon
as we are orn# changes start# in our ph!sical od!# as well as#
around. >ver!thing in this world is set to change# ever!thing# virtuall!.
"n spite of the nature%s law that ever!thing must change# we human
eings# ! nature# fear change. $e feel secure in the status <uo. This
insecurit! with change ma! e ecause of the fear or lac) of
confidence in the new circumstances or situations. But for progress
and growth# change we must. We must give up good for the better.
$ith change lies a powerful potential that is# the new eginning alwa!s
has scope for greater enjo!ment# fulfillment and fresh opportunities.
Those who are proficient at handling change# are successful# while
those who can%t# are mostl! failures. &hange !hat ou can. Accept
!hat ou cannot. This asic principle of life must ecome our motto in
life# if we want to live a meaningful life. =therwise we will )eep
cursing# laming# fuming and fretting which# these da!s most of the
people# )eep doing. +nfortunatel!# our societ! or countr! is in lame
mode these da!s. $e lame ever!one e/cept ourselves for whatever
happens. .ince most of the prolems or the circumstances are of our
own creation# we onl! must face the conse<uences also.
$hat is progress or growth1 "t is when we have got over adversities
and prolems# we achieve something. :rogress is impossile without
change or changed mindset. Those who cannot change their mindset#
achieve virtuall! nothing in life. These are the people who will alwa!s
)eep laming ever!one e/cept themselves for their circumstances. But
a ver! important and relevant fact of life is that nothing changes#
unless we change.
$h! so man! people are failure in their lives is# ecause the! want
others to change as per their whim and fanc!# which does not happen.
$e can e<uate life with war# the igger focus. 2ife# which usuall! is for
man! !ears or long haul# can e sudivided into smaller parts that is
wee)s or da!s. To win the war of life# we might have to lose man!
attles dail!. .ince# li)e !ou# others also do not li)e to change# est
thing within our powers is to change ourselves. This will to change#
comes from anishing !our ego# which is the iggest hurdle in human
development and transformation.
0ithi! $aital elatio!ship, change pla!s# perhaps# the most
important role. >ven when the! might materiall! have ever!thing ut
peace and marital liss is paramount. .ince the! are under each
other%s constant ga0e all the time round# the! ma! ,notice% man!
actual or perceived faults in the partner# resulting in constant acrimon!
and irritation in da! to da! life. Because of these dail! constant

43 Your Quest for Being Better

irritants# there is alwa!s a feeling of unhappiness and jo!(less
e/istence# wanting to get awa! ut nowhere to go.
*nswer to such insignificant irritants in life# is simple ut# ecause
we associate ever!thing materiall! and with ego# we never even want
to give them a chance. 7or solving most marital prolems# title of this
lesson will come hand! '01E. CIRC)6+,A.CE+ CA..(, -E
C1A./E4, C1A./E Y()R+ELF. ;ou cannot change much in !our
marriage. =nl! thing !ou can change# which will e effective also# is
'C1A./E Y()R+ELF. *nd mind !ou# most of these changes which
are re<uired# are of minor and inconse<uential nature. The! onl!
re<uire a changed mindset# eas! to instill with little effort. These are
nothing compared to peace# tran<uilit! and marital liss it shall ring
within the marital relationship.
$hen !ou change# instead first as)ing !our partner to change#
returns can e astounding. ;ou will have love# peace# tran<uilit! and
serenit! in life resulting into prosperit!# calmness and unound jo!.
The change !ou ring in !ourself# is a ver! small and inconse<uential
price to pa!# when compared to gains. $hatever !ou have een
wanting in life from !our partner ( love# understanding# support#
cooperation# togetherness are within !our eas! reach# if !ou forsa)e
!our ego and follow the easier and most enjo!ale path of changed
mindset in life. *gain# have no e/pectations. Ta)e initiative and do it
!ourself first. .eeing !ou# most proal! !our partner will also ring in
re<uired changes slowl!. Bliss and feel good factor which will generate
in !our life# will turn the same household into heavenl! aode for !ou#
!our partner and children.
*nother important aspect of change is the fle8ibilit or fle8ible
mindset. Rigidit! never pa!s in life# on the contrar!# fle/iilit! is a ig
oon or 8od%s gift. >go# which is the misplaced sense of self(
importance and the iggest road(loc) to change or fle/ile approach
to face and get over various ostructions in life# must e shunned.
7le/iilit! also entails that we should e prepared to change course
where ever or when ever needed.
$e also should not hesitate to ta)e even ,+% turn where ever
needed. These changes# fle/iilit!# alternative plans# changing course
ma! e re<uired in ever! wal) of life# i.e. personalit! development#
personal life# married life# professional life# investments# relationships#
dealing with difficult people and so man! innumerale things# ecause
we must )eep an e!e on the long term goals and achievements. ;ou
have to develop courage# discipline# initiative# self(control# patience
and man! more <ualities discussed in our oo)s for achieving !our
coveted goals and success in life which is our ultimate ojective. 3
RememerB '.othi!& #ha!&es u!less %ou #ha!&e. >C%anging t%e 9ace8
$a% #ha!&e !othi!&. -ut >Facing t%e c%ange8 $a% #ha!&e a lot. 4o!t
#o$plai! about othes. Cha!&e %ouself fo %ou pea#e. It is i&htl%
sai" >/o im!ro#e is to c%ange. /o be !er9ect is to c%ange o9ten8.
Your Quest for Being Better 44

1=. -i&&est 6%th of Life: It wo!t happe! to $e.
It happe!s to othes o!l%.
"n the epic Mahaharata# there is an episode in which ;a)sh as)s
;udhister# the eldest# the most truthful and wisest of :andav rothers
%n life, !hat surprises ou most'. ;udhister%s repl! was ;verda
people see others suffering and ding. 1till everone thinks, it !ont
happen to him. This elief or trait# has continued to remain in human
mind through the ages.
$ell# this human trait is oth for our good and ad. "n the
attlefield# a soldier sees ullets fl!ing all around# oms and shells
e/ploding# )illing or maiming his comrades# ut he )eeps marching
ahead with# at the ac) of his mind# it !ont happen to me. This wa!#
the mindset helps him overcome the fear of even death or injur!#
which his comrades are facing. &uman race has con<uered the world
with this mindset. The! have overcome mindoggling odds and have
undergone untold hardships and ta)en great ris)s# alwa!s hoping in
their mind that the! shall e ale to get totall! unscathed out of the
situation. $hatever is happening# will happen to others# not to him.
=n the contrar!# same mindset ma)es people do most unfortunate
things# most heinous crimes. This wa!ward corruption# shameless
swindling of pulic funds# deposits of lacs of crores of lac) mone! in
foreign an)s and other such crimes of mind(oggling proportions#
crimes against women# are the result of the same mindset that# it
!ont happen to me. >ven when few influential people are caught in
the act# jailed or humiliated otherwise# their entire life destro!ed and
gains totall! nullified# still man! continue to indulge in such ahorring
acts# get caught and go to jail or humiliated otherwise. The! alwa!s
thin)# it !ont happen to me or ho! can % be caught'.
Gust see how insecure our roads have ecome. =ver(speeding and
otherwise rec)less driving without an! regard for personal safet! or
safet! of other road(users# who dare to venture out on road on a
vehicle or on foot# alwa!s hoping and thin)ing that it won%t happen to
himC This is# when media is full of road accidents ever!da!# people
eing fatall! )noc)ed down ! speeding vehicles# drivers getting
arrested and put ehind ars. "magine# an otherwise clean person
eing jailed for a moment%s rec)lessness or momentar! e/citement
resulting from driving or riding at high speed. &e sees ever!thing ut
alwa!s thin)s it !ont happen to me.
>ver! criminal has this unpardonale mindset thin)ing that he shall
get awa! and will not e caught. But# mostl! the! alwa!s leave a clue#
get caught and arrested. .ome are jailed for man! !ears while others
get the life term. Their whole life and famil!%s shattered. But efore
committing the crime# the! were sure that the shall not be caught or
it !ont happen to me.
"t is a pit! to see !oung students indulging in such crimes as
ragging their juniors in the colleges and getting caught# rusticated or

45 Your Quest for Being Better

even arrested. Anowing full!(well that ragging is a penal offence# if
and when caught# their whole life could e shattered# still the! )eep
indulging in such inhuman and demeaning acts of ragging their
juniors# alwa!s thin)ing that ,it !ont happen to them.
"f ever a surve! of jails all over the world is conducted and inmates
are as)ed !hat the thought at the time of the crime, almost
ever!one elieved that he will not e caught and it !ont happen to
him. .ome never thin) what can happen and others thin) it !ont
happen to them and !ill go scot free. "t is ver! unfortunate that this
mindset has deep roots in human ps!che and ehind most of the
unfortunate things which )eep happening around the world# all sorts of
crimes# financial crimes# corruption# eme00lements etc.
"n life what we are prepared ourselves for# we face it etter.
"ncidentall!# while some are respectful to the old people# most of the
!oungsters never thin) that old were also !oung li)e them long ago or
the! themselves shall also e old sometime in future. The! are# often#
uncaring# intolerant# undul! critical or even disrespectful to elders or to
even their own aged parents. The! never thin) that in due time# their
turn will also come.
Change is the onl! constant in life# an irrevocale law of this
universe. +ndoutedl!# one da! these !oungsters will also e old and
their place e ta)en ! those who are children or toddlers now. That%s
how the life moves on. -o one is in their places permanentl!. 2aw of
impermanence governs ever!thing in this world. +nderstanding this#
we must alwa!s e prepared to face and accept changes in life and
times. Time is alwa!s on the move and so are our ,times%# which ma!
change from ,ad% to ,good% or vice versa.
Contradictions such as good ' ad# right ' wrong# old ' !oung#
handsome ' ugl!# hope ' despair# success ' failure and ver! man!
others# are part of the same life. .ometime this# sometime that.
&owsoever ad conditions ma! appear now# things will alwa!s change
for good in due course. $e should understand that ever!thing in life
has a limited lifespan. .o# we must get out of the ps!che it !ont
happen to me%. $e should never let our growth and progress e
hampered ! this ,unfortunate% mindset. =n the contrar!# we should
alwa!s e well prepared in life to face an! eventualit! and never thin)#
good or bad# it !ont happen to me.
2ife st!le diseases such as diaetes# h!pertension# oesit! and man!
more# are the result of this callous attitude aout health when !oung.
$hile most of these diseases are preventale# if we ta)e care of our
health right from the eginning ut we don%t do that and suffer in later
stages of life# when nothing can e done aout the cumulative effects
of the life(long negligence. "n fact# we had alwa!s thought it !ont
happen to me. But nature does not spare an!one ' ma)es it happen.
"f saving mone! for future use# is !our hait# it%s good. Re<uired
amount of mone! can e saved for future financial securit!. But#
Your Quest for Being Better 46

mone! is not the onl! securit! !ou need for ma)ing !our future
secure. ;ou need to inculcate good habits when !oung# to secure !our
future. ;ou need to nurture meaningful relationships for securing !our
future. ;ou need to be health when ,old%# for which !ou must get into
health! wa!s from !ounger da!s. $hen ,old%# !ou must e proud of
our achievements in life. 7or all this# !ou must la! a strong and
sturd foundation which can onl! e done at a !ounger age# not when
life has passed !. 2ife gives !ou ample opportunit! to act at the right
time. "f !ou don%t# !ou onl! have !ourself to lame.
" am reminded of an old ut relevant stor!. "n old times# there was a
trader who owned a ig oat. &e would ta)e the merchandise from
one shore to another on his oat and made a fortune in gold coins#
which were artered in those da!s for goods. &e had )ept two tin
canisters near his ed in which he used to collect gold coins. *s time
passed !# loo)ing at the condition of his oat# his friends suggested
that he u! a new oat# since the old oat might capsi0e an! time. But
trader was adamant that how can that happen or it shall cost him a
fortune# which he was reluctant to spend.
*fter few da!s# his friends again suggested that at least trader learn
swimming# so that even when# supposing oat did capsi0e# he can
swim ashore. :oor trader# again thought of the mone! he would have
to spend learning to swim and usiness he would lose for the period of
learning a ,useless% vocation li)e swimming. .ince things were going so
fine for him# he saw no reason how an!thing could go wrong. $hen his
friend found him reluctant on that also# the! suggested that at least he
should )eep two empt canisters near his ed# and if and when oat
did capsi0e# he can alwa!s float to the shore with their help. &e readil!
agreed for that since no e/pense or ,waste% of valuale time was
involved and )ept two empt! canisters near his ed.
*s e/pected and unfortunatel! for him# the da! of rec)oning came.
"n the storm# his old oat capsi0ed and his long time emplo!ees
started leaving the oat ecause the! all )new swimming. To save his
life# trader thought of those two empt! canisters with whose aid# he
could float and save his life. .o he ran to his ed and too) oth the
empt! canisters ut then he saw the two canisters full of gold coins#
his life%s earnings. "n the mad rush# he thought# 9oh, !hat % !as about
to do in hurr' :eaving m lifes savings to be dro!ned !ith the boat
and taking these useless empt canisters !ith meA #hank ,od % have
seen these gold-filled canisters in time2.
.a!ing that# he pic)ed up oth the canisters full of gold coins#
leaving the useless empt! canisters there and jumped in the
overflowing river. "nevitale# what was waiting to happen# ultimatel!
happened. Most such stories ma! e imaginar!# ut we must draw our
lessons and learn. $hen going was good# trader never thought
an!thing ad could happen to him. .o# he never prepared himself# in
spite of the warnings. "n the ac) of his mind was the ps!che it !ont
happen to me, which ultimatel!# destro!ed him. &ad he listened to his

47 Your Quest for Being Better

friend%s advise# he need not have drowned in the river. "n arm!# there
is a common sa!ing hope for the best but be prepared for the !orst.
Those who are prepared for the worst# alwa!s win.
=pposite of this mindset it !ont happen to me, is to alwa!s thin)
that when it is happening to others# it can also happen to us. "t is said
Wise learn from their mistakes, !iser learn from others. "t%s high
time# we learnt from others all that we can# since time has a wa! of
teaching us what we should have learnt long ago. 3

RememerB Life is u!#etai! a!" u!pe"i#table. 0e have !o
#o!tol ove that. It will e$ai! that wa%. (u thi!3i!& is what
&ove!s ou life. ,hou&h ou thi!3i!&, we shoul" alwa%s
pepae ouselves to fa#e a!% eve!tualit% i! life. 0e $eet life
best at its te$s, whe! we ae ph%si#all%, ps%#holo&i#all% a!"
$e!tall% pepae". Lifes supises, at ti$es, #a! be <uite
sho#3i!&. +o alwa%s be pepae". 1e!#e !eve thi!3 >it :on8t
%a!!en to me, since it can8.

Poer & <oney are )oo! servants as lon) as they are in your
&o#(et "ut are terri"le 'asters hen they enter your hea!.

1?. 4REA6 -i& about %ou Futue & -a#3 it up
with Passio!, 1a" wo3 & 4ete$i!atio!.
"n heart of their heart# most people env! a successful person.
Remar)s li)e ,od is so kind to him or he is so luck are often heard.
;es# someone who wins a lotter! or a tamola snowall is definitel!
luc)!. But what aout others li)e .achin Tendul)ar# Vishwanathan
*nand# .aina -ehawal# .ushil Aumar# &enr! 7ord# Bill 8ates or .teve
Gos of *pple1 ;es# the! have some asic talents# which were#
perhaps# 8od%s gift to them. But how the! nurtured their talents and
aspirations1 =nl! through smart hard wor)# grit and determinationC
The! pursued their amitions through single(minded devotion. The!
dreamt ig and pursued their dreams with endless passion# hard wor)
and determination to ecome what the! ultimatel! ecame.
$elcome to the world of 9R>*M>R.. Be a dreamer (not da!
dreamer# of course) and ig one at thatC But to achieve what !ou
dream# !ou cannot stop at that. 9on%t let !our dreams e orphans.
Bac) them up with untiring effort# intelligent hard wor) and other
important factors in life# desire# passion and perseverance. Aeep
wor)ing against all odds and one da!# odds will favor !ou. -ever
accept defeat. Aeep tr!ing. Tr!# Tr!# Tr! again. "f at first !ou don%t
succeed# tr! again.
Your Quest for Being Better 48

That%s what aove named sports persons and ever! successful
person in an! wal) of life# does. The! never ta)e ,-=% for an answer.
The! just )eep tr!ing# )eep practicing# )nowing full! well# that if there
are thousand !as of not doing something, there is al!as one !a to
do it. +nless !ou are orn with a golden spoon# nothing in life comes
eas! or cheap. $hatever one has or has achieved# it%s not a chance#
though it might appear to e one# since !ou have not seen the laor#
hard wor)# passion# disappointments# frustrations# which have gone
into all that. .uccessful people or winners set themselves out to
achieve# their vision and goals. 9oing their 5arma all through# the!
never get tired and ultimatel! the! achieve their goals.
This world aounds with la0!# fault finders# ignorant and thoughtless
people# who would win man! an =l!mpic gold# if blame game was
one of the events there. The! onl! see the light and jo! ut never see
the heartaches# trials and triulations# dar)ness# long and arduous
journe! underta)en ! the achievers. .uccess is never a chance. "t%s a
continuing journe!. "t is the result and comination of lifelong
undaunted effort# perseverance# hard wor)# oth ph!sical and mental#
faith and willingness to overcome insurmountale odds# the sacrifices
the! have made for reaching# where the! dreamt# to ecome what
the! wanted to e. ;es# dream !ou must ut onl! when !ou ac) them
up with passion and hard wor)# those dreams can e reali0ed.
To achieve great things# !ou must generate passion and desire# the
positivit!. :assion and desire are the fire which lights inside !ou. 7or
achieving what !ou have set !ourself to achieve# !ou must have that
value(ased fire and urning desire called passion. 7ire of passion and
desire# are hundred times more powerful than the ph!sical and mental
energ! !ou can generate. Aeep the fire urning ! inspiring and
motivating !ourself# ! constantl! encouraging !ourself. :assion and
desire are the accelerations which we need to achieve great ends.
8as alloon goes up ecause of what is inside the alloon# not
ecause of its color or an! outside factor. .ame wa!# !ou can achieve
unprecedented success ! creating roc)(solid power inside !ou#
relentless perseverance of !our goal and determination and
commitment to pursue till !ou achieve them. -othing can hold !ou. *ll
successful people went through this grind(mill till the! achieved what
the! ultimatel! did and ecome what the! ultimatel! did ecome. 3
RememerB Pai!s ae /ai!s i! life. ,he% a"" value to life.
1eate" &ol" be#o$es o!a$e!t. -eate! #oppe be#o$es wie.
4eplete" sto!e be#o$es statue. 6oe pai! $ea!s %ou ae
be#o$i!& $oe valuable. +hu! eas% optio!s i! life. /et out of
%ou #o$fot Fo!e. 6ia#les "o happe! i! life but afte lots of
ha" wo3 a!" pesevea!#e.

>nole!)e is (noin) that To'ato is a fruit.
$IS=O< is not &uttin) it into the fruit sala!.

49 Your Quest for Being Better

1@. 0a!t /oo" to happe! to %ou> -e /((4.
+pea" /((4.E++. /oo" will auto$ati#all%
$hat%s in a da!1 8oodness to create# people to 2ove# )indness to
float# moments to sei0e# stars to reach for. =ur survival as human
race# has depended and shall continue to depend upon the asic
goodness of human eings. "n spite of newspapers and maga0ines full
of hate# anger# greed or violence# there is far more good in this world#
than evil. Compared to ad which is nois!# louder and amplified#
goodness is relativel! silent ut soothing# softer and touches our heart
and mind ver! intimatel!. 8oodness is li)e fragrance of roses and
jasmine in a pool of mud.
There is a simple principle of life. Whatever ou focus on, ,)(W1.
.o# alwa!s nurture and nourish this heavenl! aspect in our lives#
B*."C 8==9->..# which is a sure wa! of having more and more of
8ood in our lives. $e reap what we sow. $hen we sow 8ood# 8ood
happens to us. Coming -ew ;ear# instead of traditional -ew ;ear
resolutions for stopping something# starting something or limiting
something else# focus on spreading and nurturing basic goodness in
and around ou. $or) on that and see the improvement in !our own
life and outloo). More good !ou focus on and see in others# !ou shall
find same in !ouC
*ll of us have two opposites residing in us. =ne# full of anger# guilt#
env!# jealous!# greed# ego# arrogance and discontentment# which
ma)es us feel agitated# guilt!# selfish and resentful# tr!ing to ta)e us
down in human values and morals. #he other side is full of @o, .eace,
:ove, 5indness, Altruism, ,iving-sharing, $ope, &ompassion, $umilit,
1erenit, ,enerosit and $elpfulness. A <attle goes on !ithin us
bet!een the t!o. <ut this battle is al!as !on b the entit ou feed
most or the entit ou focus more on. That%s wh! !ou will alwa!s find
some people are alwa!s happ!# jo!ful# uo!ant and upeat. The!
seem to e living in liss# living their life to the fullest. The! are
lessed# while the other t!pe# is alwa!s tense# morose# gloom! and
negative. This trie is alwa!s e/pecting ad to happen and when that
happens# the! are alwa!s read! with# 91ee % told ou so2. This trie is
living a miserale e/istence. The! are ever read! to ignore good# even
if the! see it and never compliment an!one# are alwa!s critical and
lame ever!one e/cept themselves for whatever happens to them.
B! eing 8ood and spreading 8oodness# !ou live an empowered life.
;ou ecome an asset to the societ!# to those around !ou# !our famil!#
friends# associates# societ! and nation. :eople loo) at !ou for guidance
and direction. The! often give !our e/ample to their children and
others to follow. ;ou ecome their role model. 8od has een ver!
creative in creating humans. $ord $umane must have originated
from ,&uman eing%# which logicall! means that it is oligator! for a
Your Quest for Being Better 50

human to e humane. B! eing 8ood or humane# !ou pa! &im ac)
for &is laors# for having made !ou what !ou are. Being good or
spreading goodness# is another wa! of pra!ing or connecting with !our
creator. ;our aode then# is in people%s heart.
For s!reading goodness, smile :it%out condition, gi#e
:it%out reason, care :it%out e;!ectation. *s a human eing#
highest in order of evolution# our creator e/pects us to live this )ind of
rewarding life to ma)e a difference in the lives of those not orn so
luc)!. $hatever disparities have een left in &is creation# &e e/pects
us to mend ,&is mista)es%. "f &e has given aundance to us# he
e/pects us to share(give(help with &is other creations. $e should
never tr! to monopoli0e what has een &is )indness and grace to us.
:eople# often# go to temples pra!ing for more wealth and material
success. But when their pra!ers are answered# the! tend to
monopoli0e the rewards given ! &im. "n their e/citement for
receiving# the! even forget to Than) &im. The! never even thin) of
sharing with &is other creations or helping(giving them and e good.
&e does not e/pect !ou to give ever!thing ut onl! a part which we
should give happil! so that more comes to us# our reward for eing
good. .imple nature%s law is# when we give more# we get also more.
"t happens man! times# we do good to someone ut he does ad to
us or sort of# ac)ites or in office# promotion or raise# which we trul!
deserved# is given to someone else. $hat should !ou do in the face of
such ,injustice% or ,humiliation%1 -ever part with !our intrinsic
goodness. Be as or more productive# add to !our efficienc!#
professional s)ills# relationships. -ever mind# if not this# !ou will get
that# a etter one. ;ou can simpl! show them# it%s life# !ou can wait. "f
the! have ignored !our credential this !ear# ! improved wor) ethics#
efficienc! and productivit!# do not let them do it ne/t !ear. There is
alwa!s a second time in life.
*ove is aout good action. *nother aspect of goodness is to sa!
good things# words we utter. -ever hurt or lash out on an!one#
speciall! on a person lower to !ou li)e a junior# servant or
suordinate. "f a mista)e has happened# give the person ample
opportunit! to mend. -ever put !our arrogance on displa! ! what
!ou sa!. %f ou cant sa something good, then avoid saing bad
things or better dont sa anthing.
"n ,-ha&wa" /ita, Lo" 7ish!a lists out the <ualities of a 3ood
4erson, thus 9/earlessness, purification of ones e8istence, cultivation
of spiritual kno!ledge, charit, self-control, simplicit, non-violence,
truthfulness, freedom from anger, renunciation, tran-uilit, aversion to
fault-finding, compassion for all living beings, freedom from greed,
gentleness, modest, stead determination, vigor, forgiveness,
courage, resilience, cleanliness, and freedom from envBthese
-ualities are transcendental and belong to godl men2.
"n intrinsic goodness of it%s citi0ens# Gapan is far ahead of an! other
countr! in the world. The countr! has faced worst man(made traged!

51 Your Quest for Being Better

in the world. The! are the onl! countr! against whose populations# two
atom oms were used in .econd $orld $ar# )illing and maiming
millions# completel! oliterating two great cities# &iroshima and
-agasa)i. *part from these# natural calamities# earth<ua)es and
tsunami are as common as sunn! da!s in our countr!. &ow the! have
emerged as the second est econom! in the world in spite of the fact
that countr! is KFH mountainous# unsuitale for agriculture# importing
raw materials from all over the world and e/porting the finished goods
of highest <ualit!# wor)manship and value# is ama0ing.
.ociet!%s and people%s resilience# sense of discipline ' sacrifice#
orderl! ehavior# collective responsiilit! is e!ond comprehension. "t
starts with e/tra ordinar! respect and courtes! Gapanese show towards
each other. *rrogance and ego seems to e non(e/istent in their
societ!. $hatever the! do# the! are totall! dedicated and committed.
;ou can never see a person ever losing temper# in spite of what
happens. >ver!one# whether a peon# ca driver or a C>=# is treated
with the same courtes! and grace as an!one else. The! value their
and each other%s time. "n spite of umpteen trains# uses# elevators etc.
most Gapanese prefer to ta)e the stairs or simpl! wal) across the
distance. Most distant spaces in car par)s are filled first# ecause the!
want to wal) the distance to )eep in good health and also as a mar) of
courtes! towards fellow citi0ens who are late# so that the! do not have
to wal) long distance. "s there an! other e/ample the world over1
$e ape filth of western societies. *s such# we have ecome aping
eings ! aping an!thing ad ut convenient. *ping has ecome our
second nature. 2et us ape Gapanese and their lifest!le and see where
we can reach in self development ' s)ills. Gapanese spread goodness
all over# hence goodness onl! reounds.
;ou can u! so man! things with mone! these da!s# almost
ever!thing. But !ou cannot u! ,C2*..% with mone!. ;our class or
pedigree is seen or judged ! the class of !our friends# associates#
social circle# not ! the wa! !ou dress or car !ou own or !our house.
=thers see it in !our ehavior# how !ou treat others or how much
goodness !ou spread through !our actions as well as words. &ence
oth !our actions and words have to e good and nothing ut good. 3
RememerB -ei!& /oo" is a /o"l% a#t. -% +pea"i!& /oo"!ess,
%ou be#o$e /o"s $esse!&e. .eve hut o hu$iliate a!%o!e
with %ou a#tio!s o wo"s, be#ause &oo" ti$es ae /o"9&ive!
oppotu!it% to #o!soli"ate %ou /ai!s a!" leave a $a3 that
%ou eall% LIVE4. Life is fo Livi!&, !ot o!l% fo e8isti!&.
Peo&le on,t have ti'e for you if you are alays an)ry, fu'in),
frettin), #o'&lainin), #ri""in) or )ru'"lin).
4en#e, /E P%EASANT, A%$A.S .
Your Quest for Being Better 52

1A. ,hee is !o wa% to 1appi!ess. 1APPI.E++
is the wa%.
The oo) called life is written etween irth and death# over oth of
which we have no control. 2ife is nothing ut a mi/ed ag of opposites#
happ! or unhapp!# pain or pleasure# loss or gain# success or failure#
are few of them. $e cannot e selective aout them and have to ear
oth. $hile happ! moments pass in a jiff!# unhapp! ones seem
unending. 9o !our est and leave the rest in 8od%s hands. 9on%t e
too happ! when going is good# neither e too sad when turn for ad
comes ecause this too shall pass. 2earn from each lesson of our
oo)s# how !ou can ma)e !our life reall! count. &owever# a
reasonal! health! ph!si<ue# a comfortale financial position#
harmonious relationships help us to lead a generall! happ! life.
=ften# lives are lived on a waiting or postponing mode. $hen we are
in our childhood# we feel that we will e happ! and satisfied after we
complete our studies. $hen studies are completed# we thin) we shall
e happ! if we land a well pa!ing jo or are ale to ma)e good mone!
in usiness. Then# it is the car and a etter and more e/pensive at
that. Then# ma! e a houseC * etter one at thatC Then# we want a
eautiful or handsome# loving# serving# rich# patient# endearing life
partner. But we )eep feeling# we got the ,wrong% one and )eep thin)ing
of the right one. $e create wealth# ma)e mone! ut )eep waiting till
we have enough# which we might never have. $ith unending wait#
waiting for something ,better to happen# ironicall!# old age arrives. $e
get old fast ut wisdom escapes us. *t that time# the reali0ation dawns
that life has gone ! without feeling that tinge of real happiness and
freedom for which we had )ept waiting ut never got.
$e have een living our toda! in drudger!# waiting in the hope that
tomorrow will ring happiness. But the fact is that &appiness is a state
of mind for which we need not wait# ecause -=$ is the time to e
happ!. "f we )eep waiting# we just )eep waiting. Time for !ou to feel
happ! and jo!ful is now# toda! and ever! da!. 9o not wait or postpone
till something ,good% happens. 2ife is full of various events and changes
ta)ing place all the time# something good# something ad or not so
good which is all our perception not realit!. Realit! is no!.
&appiness is a state of mind !ou should not miss and have !our
dail! <uota. ;ou do not need ig things for happiness. Man! small
small things can )eep !ou happ! and cheerful all the time. 7ind
happiness in all the things ig or small and never let !our happiness
e enslaved ! others# people or events. "n the hot summer# if a
famil! could not afford a fan and somehow the! get a fan# reason for
the entire famil! to rejoice. $hile man! ma! have numer of *Cs
running round the cloc) in the house# still not e &app!. Material
ojects and wealth# thus# can onl! ring ph!sical comforts and
pleasures# not desired happiness which is felt deep inside. Those tr!ing
to find happiness in material ac<uisitions are alwa!s disappointed.

53 Your Quest for Being Better

*dopt an attitude of gratitude in ever!da! life. Be than)ful to people
and 8od for all the prevailing goodness in !our life. Be helpful and
)ind. Ma)e a principle of ,forgive and forget and move on in life. Be
regular at e/ercise and wor)out ever!da! for !our dail! <uota of
energ!. $ithout good health# there is no happiness in life. 2ife of
discipline onl! can ring !ou good health# jo! and happiness.
7orm happ! haits. Be cheerful and do things enthusiasticall!. 2ive a
simple life and !ou !ourself will e astonished how happ! !ou feel over
ever! small thing. .implicit! and truthfulness rings cheer to life.
There is no end to desires in life. 7ulfill one# other one is waiting to e
fulfilled# starting the unending c!cle of waiting and postponing. .o# live
in the present ut )eep loo)ing for wa!s# means and opportunities to
e happ! and spread jo!.
*ll said and done# most happiness and jo! in life comes from
kindness, compassion, altruism and b being helpful. -ote these
golden words carefull! <6%ate#er &oy is t%ere in t%is :orld, all
comes 9rom desiring and making ot%ers %a!!y. 1nd :%ate#er
su99ering is t%ere in t%is :orld, all comes 9rom desiring only
yoursel9 to be %a!!y=. .pread happiness and jo! for !our happiness.
>arlier when technolog! was not so rampant# people were much
happier# perhaps compared to now. Mind !ou# there were no moiles#
TVs# swan)! cars# ultramodern houses and gadgets# 9V9%s# personal
computers# video games or internet# cale TV# something
unimaginale these da!s. $e could eat and enjo! whatever was there
without regulations# drin) water from taps not from ottles. 7irst ottle
of eer " had# was shared ! si/ friends and we all felt drun). $e
either wal)ed on foot or rode the ic!cle without fear of eing )noc)ed
down ! a lorr!. $hen we were hurt turmeric po!der was put on the
wound and it would automaticall! heal. 2ife was simple and more
enjo!ale in spite of few gadgets to ,en+o%. $ith technolog! ta)ing
over our lives# true lasting happiness has vanished.
8oing for a picnic was ma)ing ,alu(haji% and puries with a can of
water. :ar)s were full of friendl! people enjo!ing their holida! and
pla!ing all. "f !ou did not want to eat the vegetale or 9aal coo)ed in
!our own house# simpl! pic) up a cup or plate and go to the neighor%s
&ouse and get something ,more% delicious unhesitatingl!. >ating
together as joint famil! provided great succor and onhomie. "f !ou
ever felt ored# there were no TVs# ut neighors or friends were
alwa!s there# who could wal) in !our house or !ou could wal) in their
house freel!# an! time# unthin)ale these da!s.
2arge joint families were there to ta)e care of )ids# ailing or old.
+nannounced social visits from near and dear ones# were common and
rought great rela/ation# happiness and togetherness. $hen some
guest arrived in the house all of a sudden from nowhere# the! were
welcome with loving smiles# which reflected oth from face and heart.
Your Quest for Being Better 54

The da! guest had to leave# parting was with heav! heart. 2ife was
relativel! tension(free# stress(less# eas! and simple.
That was true happiness and jo! then# which has een replaced !
entire famil! glued to TV or fighting over which program to watch in
well to do households. TVs in individual rooms have een installed
mostl!# so that house remains peaceful and tran-uil. $ith fast and
jun) foods ecoming popular with children and adults ali)e# lifest!le
diseases such as 9iaetes# =esit!# Cardiac prolems and man! more#
have ecome rampant which were hardl! )nown earlier. $ith
innovations and technolog!# comforts and conveniences ta)ing over#
life has ecome push uttons or push uttons have ecome life. "n
past si/t! !ears# so much has come in life# ut happiness and
e/citement is gone with the onslaught of stress# tension# hurried and
hassled lifest!le.
&appiness entails that !ou are happ! in all circumstances# situations#
even with people not to !our li)ing. ;ou are happ! with difficult people
even. $appiness definitel ma be enhanced b others but should not
depend on others. :ain# oredom# grief# adjustments# upsets#
adversities# compromises# are all part of life and for happiness# !ou
are re<uired to learn to live with them happil!. "t is not that onl! when
circumstances or situations are to !our li)ing or conducive# then onl!
!ou are happ!. ;ou must e happ!# an!wa!.
:rolems are normal ut essential part of ever!one%s life. The! shall
alwa!s e there. $ith little thin)ing and positive attitude# !ou can
successfull! manage them. &aving a fle/ile attitude wor)s est. 8et
into the hait of ignoring small inconse<uential things in life. Because
of their pett! nature# the! happen too often ever!da! and ma)e us
unnecessaril! stressful and unhapp!# while there is no need# actuall!#
for us to feel that wa!. &appiness or unhappiness is the sum and total
of man! small small things accumulated.
9evelop a mindset to enjo! what !ou have# rather than cr! hoarse
over what !ou have lost or do not have. 2osses will alwa!s e there.
2earn to accept them gracefull! and live on. =n the contrar!# !our
gains are too man! compared to losses. &app! person does not
necessaril! have ever!thing right# ut is the one who learns to live
happil! with an!thing and ever!thing# which comes his wa!. ;ou
cannot change the world# ut !ou can manage !ourself etter and
learn to live happil! with whatever comes !our wa!. 9o that and enjo!
living and ma)e the once in a lifetime opportunit! !ou have now.
"t is unfortunate that while ever! political part! and government
around the world# swears ! their people%s welfare and welleing
economicall!# there is no concrete effort towards ma)ing their people
&app! and their 2ives more Virant ' :eaceful. >ver! effort is for
improving the so(called -ualit of life through higher 89:. =nl! one
tin! countr! in the world# -huta!, nestled within the pictures<ue
8rand &imala!as# has given to the world something called /.1
G/oss .atio!al 1appi!essH. The government of the small )ingdom

55 Your Quest for Being Better

cares# nurtures# measures and cultivates their peoples% happiness
through government sponsored schemes and measures. That happens
when !ou trul! care for them.
"f happiness could e ought ! wealth# rich countries of the first
world# would have figured on top of various "nternational surve!s to
gauge the happiness -uotient of various countries and it%s people. "f
happiness was availale in the mar)et at a price# rich people would
have purchased all of it and would have )ept it in their safe vaults.
.ome of them might have )ept it in .wiss vaults so that the! do not
need to share it with an!one. 2uc)il!# no such thing is possile.
&appiness is there for all l!ing deep inside and is not affected !
wealth# material riches# show and glamour# power and status. But
happiness which lies deep within us# is the peace of mind# securit!#
values we live# help# care and support we render# sharing# sense of
elonging# rotherhood# togetherness and tran<uilit! we live.
&appiness caused ! sensual pleasures is alwa!s short(lived
followed ! grief# affliction# strife ' fear. Real happiness is the one
which lasts# which is there deep within# which is spontaneous# which is
not affected ! outer things or ojects. 7irst and foremost source of
happiness is ,8"V"-8%# giving an oject# service# time# support or care
and e/pecting nothing ac). True happiness is when we respond to our
conscience rather than convenience. "t is when we serve not e
served. "t is when we help less fortunate to come up# when we go
hungr! to feed others. "t is that Go!# delight# liss# tran<uilit! and
serenit! and peace we feel within.
7ormula for eing happ! and remaining happ! is simple. Time for
!ou to e happ! is -=$. 9o not postpone !our happiness. "t will
diminish if !ou did. >ver! da!# touch others% lives# give something from
what !ou have e/pecting nothing in return# rather than waiting for the
time when !ou will have ,enough%. Richness which is in the heart# must
e used ever! da!. "f !ou don%t feel rich now toda!# !ou would never
feel rich ever. .o use that opportunit! to feel rich and happ! toda!. 3
RememerB Eve%o!e wa!ts to ea#h the top of the $ou!tai!
at the ealiest but $ost 1APPI.E++ & /R(0,1 o##us whe!
%ou ae #li$bi!&. ,he happiest people "o !ot !e#essail% have
the best of eve%thi!&I the% ;ust $a3e the best of what the%
have. '0a!!iness is to be 9ound along t%e :ay and not at t%e
end o9 t%e road8.
Si* Ethi#s of %ife Si* Ethi#s of %ife Si* Ethi#s of %ife Si* Ethi#s of %ife
/efore .ou ?
Pray /elieve, /elieve, /elieve, /elieve, S&ea( %isten, %isten, %isten, %isten, S&en! Earn, Earn, Earn, Earn, $rite Thin(, Thin(, Thin(, Thin(,
@uit Try, Try, Try, Try, =ie %ive. %ive. %ive. %ive.
Your Quest for Being Better 56

1B. 6ateial Possessio!s, 0ol"l% Pleasues,
0ealth o 6o!e%. 'Ye 4il 6aa!&e $oe.
8reed# attachments# cravings# desires# glutton! or self indulgence
are all part of human nature. Most people want more and more# not
)nowing where to stop. +nfortunatel!# one is never satisfied with what
one has. &e craves for more and more. $ith relentless advertising in
the media# urge to u! more is insatiale. =ne desire leads to another#
then another and the chain is never(ending# creating disharmon!#
jealous!# env!# distrust and one(up(man(ship# unending race to loo)
others down# losing !our own happiness and peace on the wa!.
Technolog! has provided us one golden word# >latest8. $e want
latest of ever! gadget# car# house# an!thing. $e have stopped u!ing
things for our li)es or disli)es# comforts or suitailit!# ut in the race
to impress or outsmart others# mindless pursuit of mone!# power and
show(off is on# with total disregard to propriet!. Man! of our societ!%s
ills can e traced to this factor. *ping has ecome rampant# order of
the da!. $e do not thin) for ourselves# do not appl! our own mind#
instead# aping others is the wa! we live our own life.
"f we compare the '%a!!iness @uotient8 of present da! generation
and the earlier ones# when most of the technolog! did not e/ist# who
was more happ!# satisfied and contented1 $h! technolog! revolution
has not improved our happiness <uotient# is not far to see. "t is not to
undermine the importance of mone! in our da! to da! lives. Mone! is
important# which helps us fulfill our asic needs and aspirations. There
is also nothing wrong in desiring a good life. Cravings# wants and
desires are integral part of human feelings or sentiments. >liminating
them is not possile.
Then what can we do to ma)e our lives more meaningful# satisfied#
contented and jo!ful1 &ow can we improve our image in our own
e!es1 &ow can we live a more harmonious life1 &ow can we co(e/ist
with technolog! more meaningfull!1 "s mone! the root cause of all
evils1 Can we co(e/ist peacefull! with wealth and prosperit!1 9oes
success onl! means material prosperit! and some )ind of status1
$riter ma)es a sincere effort to answer !our douts on the aove.
>ver!one wants peace and tran<uilit! in life. But when we ape others
and have no guts to do things as per our thin)ing and convictions#
prolems arise. .uch a mindset creates desires# which at times# are
difficult to e fulfilled# since even when one desire is fulfilled# other
desire crops up. .o# the person# forever remains in a wild goose chase
to fulfill his unrealistic# frivolous and materialistic desires.
There is another prolem with mind# which finds things of temporar!
pleasure and short term happiness# more attractive. "t is said that
opportunit! )noc)s at the door ut temptation simpl! ree0es in. "f we
)eep our desires at a lower level ! not surrendering to them# not
aping others# not comparing with others# having least e/pectations
from others# we shall e more contented and at peace with ourselves

57 Your Quest for Being Better

and with all those who matter in life. :rolem# actuall!# is not with
mone! ut it is with greed and our urge to cling to it at all costs.
:rolems arise when we accumulate the mone! without purpose# not
)nowing what to do with so much# ut do not want to part with even a
small amount# )nowing full! well that giving small insignificant amount
ma)es no difference to us# while for the recipient# it might ma)e a
world of difference# <uestion of life and death# sometimes.
8reed# ego# vanit! and arrogance can e traced in one ,small% event
in &indu scripture# *ahabharata. 2ord Arishna# )nowing full! well# how
much destruction and loodshed# attle etween :andavas and
Aauravas will cause# in his last ditch effort# goes to 9ur!odhana# eldest
of hundred Aaurav rothers# and suggests to him to give at least five
villages to five :andavas (one for each rother)# to avert the ensuing
attle of Auru)shetra. But 9ur!odhana# who was hateIevil personified#
full of vengeance# refuses# sa!ing 9!here is the -uestion of five
villages, % !ill not even give them land, the siCe of a pin-head2. .uch
an attitude can e seen far and wide these da!s when those who can#
are us! ma)ing mone! ! all means L fair or foul# never
contemplating what will the! do with so much the! alread! have.
&owever# when prosperit! emraces !ou# do not forget the
humanitarian aspects of life i.e. spiritualit!# giving# helping# sharing#
)indness# compassion# altruism. These virtues form an important part
of !our true eing. =nl! thing is that ecause of our oppressive selfish
desires# greed# e/cessive self(love# wrong self(see)ing compan! and
advise# lac) of self(confidence# those aspects which provide us peace#
grace# tran<uilit!# happiness# jo! and dignit! in our da! to da! life# lie
dormant within us. 9ig them out and indulge in humanitarianism#
spiritualism# spreading giving(sharing(helping attitude and e
compassion(filled and see !our peace and happiness graph soar.
Buddhist teachings tell and guide us for transformation rather than
elimination. Transform to a rational# modest and alanced human
eing# is the answer. :ath of spiritualit! is the answer. $elp others
!hen ou kno! ou should and ,ive, !hen ou kno! ou can. &ait
of sharing and giving# positivel! ma)es !ou more peaceful# virant and
upeat aout life. .pread goodness# spread love# spread tran<uilit!
and serenit!# spread jo!. :eople should feel comfortale in !our
presence. "ne<ualities in the world will alwa!s remain. .ome will have
more# some less. $hile !ou ma! )eep tr!ing for more# e happ! with
what !ou have# never undermine !our gains or let an!one do that.
Because of the aping hait and our over(indulgence in materialism
and ojects of desires# we have lost our wa!. =ur judgment has
ecome clouded. $e find misguided pleasure in these ojects. "t is not
to suggest that these are not re<uired. The! are# ut alancing life is a
must for happiness# jo!# dignit! and graceful living. "f we are entirel!
dependent on these ojects for our happiness# peace and satisfaction#
Your Quest for Being Better 58

we are on the wrong path needing correction. >arlier we ta)e the right
path# etter it shall e for us and ever! concerned.
;our inner eing should e so strong that for happiness and jo!# !ou
need not e dependent on temporar! worldl! ojects and fulfillment of
desires. But happiness and jo! must proliferate from inside. ;our
inside is where !our peace is l!ing. 9o not search for peace outside.
:eace cannot e ought with mone!. :eace is something inherent. "t is
when we want more and more of mone! without pious motive# peace
of mind leaves# leaving us in great turmoil.
Treat ever!one well to e !our confident(self. *lwa!s e !ourself. B!
eing !ourself# !ou put something wonderful in this world# which was
not there efore. 2astl! ut most importantl!# live 1impl, love
generousl, care deepl, speak kindl and #rust our creator, !ho
:oves ou dearl. Than) 8od for what !ou have. Trust &im for what
!ou need. 8od alwa!s gives &is est to those# who leave the choice
with &im. 9o !our est and leave the rest with &im. 3

RememerM ?People sa#ifi#e thei health to $a3e $o!e% a!"
$oe $o!e%. Late, &oo" pat of that $o!e% is spe!t to
e#upeate thei health. ,he% ae so a!8ious about the futue
that the% "o !ot e!;o% the pese!t. ,hus, the% !eithe e!;o% the
pese!t !o the futue. ,he% live as if the% ae &oi!& to be hee
foeve a!" "ie as if the% !eve live"J. K4alai La$a.

LE, ,1A, .EVER 1APPE. ,( Y(). C1A./E Y()R C()R+E,

/E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=.

$hen "ir! is alive, it eats ants.
/ut hen "ir! is !ea!, ants eat the "ir!.
Ti'e an! Cir#u'stan#es #an #han)e any ti'e.

=on,t !evalue or hurt anyone in life. .ou 'ay "e &oerful
to!ay. /ut re'e'"er, ti'e is 'ore &oerful than you.
One tree 'a(es a 'illion 'at#hsti#(s.
Only one 'at#h sti#( is nee!e! to "urn a 'illion trees.

SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=. SO /E 0OO= & =O 0OO=.
G,a!slatio! fo$ a ,a$il +#iptue.H

59 Your Quest for Being Better

1C. Poble$s, Roa"blo#3s, Challe!&es a!"
A"vesities> You ae bi&&e tha! all #o$bi!e".
6eet the$ 1ea"9o! & 0I..
"M:>RM*->-C> is the law of nature. C&*-8> is the onl! constant in
life. Times# good or ad# come to us with an e/pir! date. >ver!thing in
this world is of temporar! nature. Gust li)e da! and night# difficulties
and prolems in life# come and go. $hen times are bad# e optimistic
that this too shall pass. $hen the going is good# alwa!s e aware
that times# good or ad are 8od%s gift and it is &is prerogative when to
withdraw the lease.
:rolems and difficulties in life do not come alone. The!# often# come
in hordes. .o first and the asic law to meet them is to meet them
head on# never shir)# never shrin) against odds. Rememer# .uccess
is the last step on the ladder of failures. There is no education li)e
adversit!. *dversities are 8od(given opportunities to teach !ou
lessons# !ou would not have learnt otherwise. Remain perpetuall!
optimistic# which is a force multiplier.
There is some inherent good in most difficulties. "f !ou don%t accept
defeat# tide will alwa!s turn ac). 2ife can e compared to a o/ing
out. Match is not over when o/er falls down. "t%s over onl! when he
refuses to get up. :rolems are normal ut essential part of life. The
night is dar)est efore dawn ut dawn comes in all it%s rightness at
the specified time. Remain patient during adversities since things ta)e
time ut never lose hope which is li)e a ship on which life sails. :rofit
' loss# pain ' gain# good ' ad# accept them as part of life. 2ive life of
a )ing in spite of ever!thing.
2ife seldom presents us with the challenges we can%t meet# with
prolems which can%t e solved and ostacles we can%t overcome. Best
thing is to approach ever! challenge with a positive mindset after
anal!0ing it thoroughl! and choose the est possile course with
patience and perseverance. 9ifficulties# adversities# prolems#
ostacles# challenges# all can e overcome with the right attitude.
=ften# when people see a successful person# the! onl! see him
enjo!ing all that success gives a person ( fame# wealth# recognition
and respect. The! cannot imagine what the person has gone through
to reach that level. =utside the temple# a stone was l!ing. =ne da! the
stone said 9% am a stone and so is the idol inside the temple. Wh then
everone steps on me but !orships the stone idol2. &earing this# the
idol replied 97ou onl see everone !orshipping me no!. $o!ever,
before sculptor got hold of me, % too !as a stone like ou. #hen, the
sculptor landed thousands of blo!s on me, chiseled and polished me
rough and hard. All through, % sat motionless and took all the blo!s
and rubbing in its stride. #hat is !h, people !orship me2
2ife is full of challenges which must e confronted with courage#
wisdom and confidence. 7or meeting challenges# !ou need energ!.
Your Quest for Being Better 60

Conserve !our energ! ! optimism and hope# not ! eing frustrated
or upset# which are negative forces# wor)ing against !ou when the
going is tough. ;es# undoutedl!# there will e times in life when
ever!thing might seem to e crumling under !our feet and !ou are
desperatel! loo)ing for some solid ground for !our foothold. Chances
of help or support from an! <uarter also appear to e lea) or
none/istent. ;ou might feel to e at the end of the world# dar)ness all
around with little or no chance of da!light rea)ing. The life ma! not
seem to e worth living or carr!ing on with troules all around.
"n spite of all this# there is definitel! no reason for !ou to feel
desperate or hopeless. :eople all over have come out of even much
worse or harsher circumstances and won their attle. &ow true# When
confronted b a multitude of ,rief " Adversit, if a person stands
boldl !ithout e8cepting defeat, he shall see the defeat itself depart
utterl defeated.
Abaha$ Li!#ol! is called the architect of modern America,
struggled# faced and won over insurmountale odds during his life
time. .wami Vive)ananda used to sa! %n a da !hen ou dont come
across an problems, ou can be sure that ou are on the !rong path.
:ut !our mind to wor) which is igger than the prolems !ou are
facing# e patient# calm and cool. Thin) various solutions or options
and choose the est loo)ing. Ta)e advise from people who )now
etter. *nd# ultimatel!# choose an appropriate course.
4ui!& all this, have Faith i! 1i$. *nd 7*"T& is li)e >lectricit!
current. ;ou cannot see the current ut !ou can see it%s effects. ;ou
can see the lights# fans# motors and thousands of other gadgets
wor)ing without seeing the energ! which ma)es them wor). 7aith is
that energ!. 3

RememerB Eve% lo#3 i! the wol" has a 3e%. +i$ilal%, /o"
wo!t &ive %ou toubles without solutio!s. All toubles ae
shot te$ but solutio!s %ou fi!", &ive %ou ste!&th, #o!fi"e!#e
a!" satisfa#tio! fo the lo!& te$. .eve be oveawe" b%
!e&ative situatio!s.


$ise tal( "e#ause they have so'ethin) to say.

3ools, "e#ause they 'ust say so'ethin).

AP%ATO? +S&ea( only hen or!s s&o(en i'&rove the Silen#e.,B

61 Your Quest for Being Better

2D. -est ti$e to pla!t a tee was twe!t% %eas
a&o. +e#o!" -est is .(0.
Regretting the past# is a ig pass(time for most people. % could have
done this or that, %f % had taken that +ob, m life !ould have been
ver different, %f onl % had said no to that offer. 2ife can e full of
onl if % had??.%. But whatever has happened# has happened. ;ou
cannot un(happen it now ut !ou can ma)e the est of the present
moment since !our future would depend on that.
>ffective people never let their past hinder their present. The! are
alwa!s full of no! action. * person who has never made a mista)e#
can never ma)e an!thing. :ast mista)es must e accepted and lessons
learnt# then move on. "t%s never too late to start and it never pa!s to
lament over the past happenings. *s the time passes# !ou ecome
more and more mature# patient# calculative and creative. *ll these
<ualities help !ou to do etter and etter as life progresses. *nd the
!ardstic) must e that each one of !our present performance# should
e etter than the earlier one. "f earlier !ou have failed# !ou should
learn from the past mista)es and ma)e a new eginning.
These da!s ever!one leads a premeditated life. $e have to do things
initiall! dictated ! our parents for uilding a career. Career and
vocational e/cellence would e !our first priorit!. =ne can hardl! thin)
of an!thing else. 2ife as such# is competitive and ,fast%. .ince !ou are
pre(occupied most of the times# until later stages of life# !ou hardl!
have time or inclination for doing an!thing else or even thin)ing aout
it. $hen# in the later stages# things slow down# one starts reali0ing
what !ou would have li)ed to do# things !ou have missed out# man! of
our cherished dreams remain un(reali0ed.
-o prolemC 9o what !ou thought !ou should have done earlier# can
do now. Things li)e planting a tree# learning new sport# musical
instrument# developing a ho! !ou have not een ale to do earlier#
helping out in the neighorhood# attending various self(empowerment
discourses# teaching need! children etc. There can e hundreds of
things# which at later stages of life# !ou might feel to have missed out#
its time to do them now. "t will add great self(fulfillment and
satisfaction# apart from jo!# happiness and contentment and a sense
of achievement. This action on !our part# will ta)e awa! that feeling of
regret or lamenting over the past and will alwa!s give !ou that
impetus# which !ou might have felt# missing earlier.
:redominant idea ehind this lesson is# life is not just coming, living
and going or +ust e8isting. That%s what most people do. ;ou must do
something different and leave a legac!. *nd if !ou have not een ale
pursue that goal earlier# its never too late to start afresh. #hat time is
=(W. Ma)e est of ,now%# lest !ou are again left with that feeling of
emptiness and regret. =nce in a while chance of life !ou got now# !ou
won%t ever get again. Those who left legacies# were also ordinar!
human eings li)e !ou and me. The! just did it. ;ou do it -=$.
Your Quest for Being Better 62

Beautiful par)s# gardens# monuments and million other things were
not made or developed in a da!. .ome thoughtful people had thought
of them and wor)ed for them during their lifetime. The! are no more
ut what the! created and laored hard for# e/ists for us to enjo! now.
"magine# if the! had thought# since % am not going to be there, !h
should % do it# so man! things might not have een there. 2ost time is
lost forever. "t cannot e retrieved# saved or used ever again. "f !ou
lost it once ecause of an! reason# do not let it e lost again. 9o not
procrastinate or postpone even ! a minute# lest !ou again will feel
sorr! for it. .ei0e the opportunit!# lest this too is lost in !our hesitation
or ! !our indecision. 9o not wait for the opportunit!# just gra it.
.o# best time to plant a tree, might have been t!ent ears ago,
second best is =(W and plant it #(4A7. ;ou will love to see it growing
and others enjo!ing. Because true happiness and fulfillment in life
comes# not from eating the fruits !ourself ut seeing others enjo!ing
and appreciating what !ou have done for them. 3

RememerB .o o!e #a! &o ba#3 a!" #ha!&e a ba" be&i!!i!&.
-ut %ou #a! alwa%s $a3e a fesh stat to"a% a!" $a3e a
su##essful e!"i!&. .eve hesitate, !eve va#illate, "o !ot
po#asti!ate. 5ust 4( I,. Its bette to be late tha! !eve.

To lau)h often & 'u#hC to in the res&e#t of intelli)ent &eo&le &
affe#tion of #hil!renC to earn the a&&re#iation of honest #riti#s &
en!ure the "etrayal of false frien!sC to a&&re#iate "eauty, to fin!
the "est in othersC to leave the orl! a "it "etter1. To (no
even one life "reathe! easier "e#ause you have live!.
This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. This is to 4ADE SUCCEE=E=E. E'ersion.

21. 0(R4+ o PR(6I+E+ ae $a"e to be 3ept.
-e as /oo" as %ou 0o"s
* person with sustance is the one who )eeps his or her words#
alwa!s and ever! time. "n >pic Rama!ana# there is a verse )aghukul
reet sada chal aaee. .ran @aen per Vachan na @aee. >/plained# it
sa!s ?%n )aghukul, :ord )amas clan, there is a tradition about spoken
!ords. (ne can la do!n his life for the !ords he speaks or one can
give his life but remain steadfast on his !ords2.
9o not ever ma)e a false promise or sa! words# which !ou have
dout# !ou cannot )eep. $hether the matter is small or ig# !ou must
)eep !our words. There is no option to that. % !ill get back to ou is
often heard these da!s. " do not )now how man! actuall! get ac)#

63 Your Quest for Being Better

ut if !ou have told someone so# please do not ta)e it lightl!.
Rememer to get ac) with information or even when jo cannot e
done# get ac) and tell him aout it. =therwise clearl! tell the person
at the time of ma)ing the promise# that onl! when some information is
there to e passed on# !ou will get ac)# otherwise# he should not
e/pect !our return call. Telling someone !ou will get ac) or call him
or her# if !ou do not do that# it is an unpardonale reach of trust on
!our part. &ave clarit! of mind and act as !ou have promised or said.
2oo)ing from other person%s perspective# after having een told !
!ou that ou !ill get back or ou !ill call him up or % !ill let ou
kno!, the person ma! e waiting for !ou or !our call. &e might have
adjusted# cancelled or postponed his program waiting for !our
promised response. "f !ou do not do as per !our words# he ma! simpl!
write !ou off or ma! tell man! more people aout !our callous
attitude# irresponsiilit! and unreliailit!. * ig dent can e made to
!our reputation and social standing# which matters a lot when !ou are
on !our wa! up# on the road to success.
;ou have to e as good as !our words# speciall! when dealing with
children. * promise not )ept or words wasted# the impression created
ma! linger on for life in the child%s mind. >ven if it%s a small matter#
words have to e )ept. =ne must e in the hait of ta)ing his spo)en
words seriousl!. "f !ou have a dout# do not ma)e the promise.
-ever tal) loose and alwa!s mean what !ou sa!. * person%s
pedigree or stature can e judged ! the words and promises he
)eeps. Respect a person commands# is directl! in proportion to the
promises he )eeps. $ithin spouses# it can e ver! emarrassing for
the partner# if one of them is used to tal)ing loose and not )eeping the
promises he ma)es within themselves or with other people. .o ma)e it
a hait to sa! things onl! when !ou can )eep !our words.
$hat happens when we don%t )eep our words or are in the hait of
tal)ing loosel!1 .impleC =thers don%t ta)e !ou seriousl!. ;ou ma! e
left out from the friend(circle. :eople ma! e ma)ing fun of !ou ehind
!our ac). *t least some from the circle# will e discussing !ou and
spreading the ad word aout !ou. :eople stop ta)ing !ou seriousl!.
$hatever !ou ma! sa! or promise# even if right# people dout. .imple#
!ou ecome untrustworth!.
"n usiness or profession# )eeping !our word or promise to deliver
ma)es !our standing# reliailit! or dependailit! which is ultimatel!
what it pa!s in the long run and would mean success or failure in
whatever !ou are doing. *fter all# people value a person# who honor
his words and sa!s words which carr! value.
Aeeping !our word or promise is a)in to !our sense of responsibilit,
truthfulness and integrit!# which are the true <ualities of an! leader
worth his salt. "f it is said that such and such person is ,as good as his
!ords%# there is no etter appreciation or recognition in life. &ence#
never let !our tongue vacillate ! indulging in gossip or discussing
Your Quest for Being Better 64

those not present# and finall! ,!eigh before ou sa. Before ma)ing a
promise# come what ma!# attitude should e )aghukul reet sada chal
aaee, pran +aen per vachan na +aaee2. Be true of !our tongue. 3

RememerB 0o"s, whi#h #o$e out of %ou $outh, $ust be
value9base", !ot valueless o supefluous. Alwa%s $ea! what
%ou sa% a!" "o !ot eve sa% so$ethi!&, %ou "o !ot $ea!. (!l%
whe! %ou ta3e %ouself seiousl% b% uttei!& wo"s %ou $ea!
o po$ises %ou $ust 3eep, othes will ta3e %ou seiousl%. -e a
peso! of few wo"s, but ea#h wo" of value.

/e slo to -u!)e "ut 5ui#( to 3or)ive.
E*&ress 0ratitu!e "ut !o not e*&e#t 0ratitu!e.
Re#eive 0ra#efully "ut )ive 0leefully.
/e =e&en!a"le, not !e&en!ant.
/e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! /e E*&ressive ith your %ove an! =e'onstrative ith your =e'onstrative ith your =e'onstrative ith your =e'onstrative ith your

22. Aspii!& to be a LEA4ER> -e Positive, be
4iffee!t, be I!!ovative, be a ,hi!3e. -i!&
out the best i! people.
Business leaders# militar! leaders# true political leaders or an! leader
worth his salt# have one thing in common. The! all deal with the
simplest and the most comple8 of 8od%s creations ( &+M*- B>"-8..
&uman race has progressed so far ahead of other species on this
planet# ecause of one important factor that is# onl humans have
:;A4;)1. *nd leaders are evolved from the same set of human
eings# whom the! lead. "n other words# leaders are evolved human
eings# emerging from the same floc). .ince the leaders are leading
their own people mostl!# the! have to )now them well# ver! well
indeed. *part from that# the! have to have man! <ualities# which
others do not possess. The! have to e superior than others# whom
the! have to lead or command
2eaders must translate vision into realit! and do things right. The!
must foresee# reali0e or recogni0e a prolem efore it arises. The!
should e ale to peep into the future and see their organi0ation not
as it is ut as it ought to e. The! should e patient ! nature and
should instill creativit!# innovation# integrit!# grace and uild trust
amongst their followers. The! must gain commitment from the heart#
not just agreement from the head. The! have to )now etter# do

65 Your Quest for Being Better

etter and perform etter# which would automaticall! result into etter
rewards for ever!one.
Right to lead does not come automaticall! either ! age# position#
e/perience or ran). Right to lead has to e earned. >ffective leaders
simpl! do not focus on something and ma)e others to follow. * leader
must ecome someone# followers can trust# to ta)e them where the!
want to e. &e has to e someone with positive outloo)# enthusiasm
and optimism personified. $ith him# ever!one must ecome as
enthusiastic aout the goals as the leader himself. Though a leader
alwa!s stands with those he leads# ut is alwa!s aove them.
>ver!one has potential ut a true leader converts that potential into
actualit! for his people.
&eart and soul of true leadership is to inspire others and motivate
them to ring out the est in them. That is inspiring followers to cast
off an! apprehensions# fear# dout and limiting eliefs and instilling in
them# a sense of hope# faith# optimism and accomplishment. 1e
alwa%s tal3s i! te$s of '0E, !eve 'I. &e is helping t!pe#
)nowing full! well that when he helps others# others also help him
achieve whatever collective goals he has set himself to achieve.
8oal of a leader is never to succeed individuall!. "t has to e a
comination of .uccess with &appiness for ever!one involved# from
top to ottom. * true leader must instill a sense of grace# dignit! and
values in ever!one around. Right to dignit! must e distriuted in
aundance. True leader is the one who leads from the front and is
alwa!s read! to e shot first. &e remains steadfast and committed on
the achievement of collective goals and is determined to achieve them.
&e has unflinching lo!alt! for the cause and never waivers from the
projected goal.
"ntegrit!# courage# fle/iilit!# passion and compassion are other
inspiring <ualities a true leader must possess# along with generosit!#
which is the hallmar) of leadership. &e should e generous and giving
t!pe# in whom followers see their own achievements and enefits.
Being generous with those eing led# is essential to their self( esteem#
ecause it is onl! with their full(hearted support# one goes up on the
ladder of life.
* leader is in the hait of thin)ing fast and e decisive. &e )nows
that mental appreciation and <uic) decision is the spar) that ignites
action. =nl! when a decision is made# action happens. &e is alwa!s
focused on accomplishments and achieving goals. $e kno!s that, !hat
counts is not !here ou start, but !here ou finish. &e has to e a
person of initiative# which lies in ta)ing calculated ris) and doing
things without eing told to do. "n an! situation# he is either the
candle spreading light or the mirror reflecting it.
&ourage of conviction and to remain steadfast on !hat he thinks is
right, are two additional <ualities# a true leader must possess. *nd
when we tal) of courage# he must e courageous enough to accept his
Your Quest for Being Better 66

faults and admit mista)es. B! admitting his mista)es# he elevates
himself over others# since most of the people lac) the courage to
accept their mista)es. &e must e least egoist# which helps him to win
others% faith and trust.
Two mantras on which a leader uilds his life are >59, at 9irst you
don8t succeed, try, try again8 and >*e#er gi#e u!. *e#er, ne#er,
ne#er8. "t%s the performance# achieving goals and accomplishments#
leadership is all aout# whether one is a political leader# militar!
commander or usiness leader. &ere again# he has to e performing
well each and ever! time# not once in a while. 2eaders are# ! their
ver! nature# ver! consistent with their performance.
* leader alwa!s reali0es that onl! when he carries ever!one along#
he can achieve desired success. .o# the delegation of responsiilit! is
another tas) a leader must e adept at# which leads to creating more
leaders# so that as and when the need arises# there are others read!
to ta)e the organi0ation forward and infuse it with fresh talent# 0eal
and innovations. Basicall!# jo of a leader is to create more leaders#
not monopoli0e leadership. .ince he is a future thin)er# a true leader
alwa!s invests time and effort in the continuit! of the organi0ation.
*t the entrance of I!"ia! 6ilita% A#a"e$%, 4eha"u!, where
*rm! officers are trained for "ndian *rm!# following guiding principal is
inscried in the oa) paneling at the >astern >ntrance of the Chetwode
&all to inspire the 8entlemen Cadets# who are to ecome the officers
after rigorous training and are going to lead the arm! in due course

?,he +afet%, 1o!o & 0elfae of %ou Cou!t%, Co$es Fist,
alwa%s a!" eve% ti$e.

,he 1o!o, 0elfae a!" Co$fot of the 6e! %ou Co$$a!",
Co$es !e8t.

You (w! Ease, Co$fot a!" +afet% #o$es last, alwa%s a!"
eve% ti$e.J

-eedless to sa!# a militar! leader%s first dut! is towards the countr!#
then towards the men under his command or the people he is leading.
&e alwa!s )eeps his own interests last. * leader has to put others first#
those he leads# his followers. &e has alwa!s to thin) how he can
improve the lives of those under him and add value to their lives. *
leader has to thin) and achieve collective good. &e has to e a creator
of hope and goodwill wherein people under him# have e/plicit god(li)e
faith in his ailit!# integrit! and capailit!. * leader is not an individual
ut man! in one. &e has to e unselfish# a person of sound judgment.
&e is compassionate and loves his followers. $ith him# ever!one feels
empowered )nowing full! well that enefits are meant for ever!one#
not for an! particular individual and ever!one will e fairl! dealt. "n
other words# ever!one feels at home with a true leader.

67 Your Quest for Being Better

2eaders are there asicall! to ma)e things happen and to assume
responsiilit!# if and when things go wrong. " would li)e to mention
here a small incidence which happened more than four decades ago#
after " had come ac) from arm!# to settle in civilian life. " had gone to
attend a communit! function# which was to e held in an open ground.
But just efore the function# sudden heav! rain and storm disrupted
the arrangements and in the short time# function had to e shifted in
the near! hall. Man! people had come ! then and were gossiping in
small groups# while contractor%s men were wor)ing to shift ever!thing
inside the hall# which was ta)ing time ecause of shortage of laor and
une/pected rain.
Because of m! arm! training# " reali0ed that few men who were
availale to do the shifting# would ta)e a long time and function will e
ver! much dela!ed if nothing was done. " too) charge and told m!
small group# wh! not we join the wor)ing persons instead of waiting
for the additional men to come# jo)ingl! telling them that ?after all, !e
are also men2. $ithout waiting for an!one# " started shifting the chairs
and other material inside the hall.
.eeing me and m! enthusiasm# m! immediate group of five(si/
friends# followed enthusiasticall! shifting the chairs etc. 2oo)ing at us#
ever!one pitched in# including the !oung girls and ladies# who were
most enthusiastic. The result was that whole shifting# which might
have ta)en more than an hour with the availale laor# too) onl!
fifteen minutes and est was that after having completed the jo#
ever!one felt on top of the world# with a sense of accomplishment.
"t is common scenario in "ndia to see few people wor)ing while
man! watching# ecause most people thin) it elow their false dignit!
to do the ph!sical laor or wor)ing with laorers or helping them.
$hen !ou anal!0e the aove common scenario# !ou will noticeB

a) -ood! as)ed me to ta)e responsiilit!# " onl! assumed
responsibilit. " did it ecause of m! arm! training where " was taught
that officers or leaders have to thin) and ta)e initiative. -ood! will
as) them to do something ut the! must do# what ought to e done.
) =nce !ou ta)e initiative# !ou ecome a leader for the moment
and most people will follow !ou. $h!# ecause ever!one li)es to e
counted in# when the! see !ou doing something for the general good.
.ince " was ale to generate lots of enthusiasm# which is contagious#
ever!one generated same enthusiasm ' joined in.
c) B! starting and doing it !ourself# !ou have initiated them to
dignit of labor ! giving personal e/ample. This is what the! call
leading from the front. " also might have )ept standing there li)e
others# ut for m! arm! training and sense of responsiilit! instilled in
me during m! five !ear stint in arm!.
d) 7rom this small incidence# !ou have created man! more leaders.
"t is not that people do not want to do# ut unfortunatel!# the! have
Your Quest for Being Better 68

never seen an!one doing it# which alwa!s generates a feeling of
hesitation or !hat, if no one comes for!ard to help. These feelings
are all ill(founded ut people do not )now. :eople asicall! are good
and want to help and do good. .ince the! do not have role models to
follow# the! do not venture out on their own# ut once the! see !ou#
hesitation evaporates.
e) ;ou have spread ,feel good factor or simpl! goodness which is
not so common otherwise. ;ou have shown them constructive and
productive course# ecause otherwise# the! would all have )ept
standing there for an hour# gossiping or cursing the organi0ers for the
function to start late and time wasted.
f) ;ou have created a feeling of onhomie and team(spirit within all
those present. Most of them would tal) aout the incidence proudl! in
future and will e more respectful to !ou.
g) 7rom this small incidence# man! leaders have een created. "n
future# whenever such a situation arises# most will ta)e initiative and
follow m! e/ample enthusiasticall!.
*s leaders and trendsetters# we must rea) awa! from the mindset
of inactivit!# letharg!# letting things slide down. * leader has twin
responsiilities. =ne# he has to wor)# wor) more than others and
second# he also has to lead# show them the wa!. &e cannot afford to
simpl! watch things going wrong and not do an!thing aout them.
More than eing vocal in critici0ing# complaining and laming# he must
e/hiit and show his intolerance to such things and determination and
commitment to set things right. :eaders never complain or criticiCe
!ithout sho!ing a !a or alternative plans.
* leader sets a goal or goals in his mind# then wor)s ac)wards to
achieve them. * leader cares more# ta)es calculated ris)s# inspires
others# dreams more than others. * true leader is courageous to cast
off fear# douts and limiting eliefs in his followers# generating a sense
of hope# purpose# optimism# pragmatism and accomplishment. &e is
:+R:=.>7+2# :=."T"V># :*T">-T and :*.."=-*T>.
2eadership# whether political or corporate# is aout facing
challenges. "ntimate understanding of people# situations and culture#
are ver! must for a true leader. .ince leadership is more aout
assuming responsiilit! rather than given responsiilit!# an honest#
self(sacrificing# capale and competent leadership is ound to emerge
sooner or later. Because the world over# when !ou see the histor!# !ou
will find that all the trul! great leaders li)e Mahatma 8andhi# -elson
Mandela# Martin 2uther Aing# *raham 2incoln# 8eorge $ashington or
Mao tse Nung# simpl! immerged# when the time demanded.
*ll the aove leaders of true variet! in histor!# were li)e an!od!
else till aout twent! !ears of age. But the! must have learnt a lot in
those twent! !ears# anal!0ed and evaluated it# and then started
putting the same into practice to achieve specific goals# which ecame
the most important thing for them. =nce the! made up their mind#
there was no vacillation or loo)ing ac). The! ecame totall! focused.

69 Your Quest for Being Better

7or the reali0ation of goals which were for general good# the! instilled
and cultivated <ualities to motivate and inspire their followers#
assuming responsiilit!# foresight and vision# li)el! road(loc)s and
how to get over them# patience# open(mindedness# adaptailit! and
fle/iilit!# fairness and team spirit# helpfulness# )indness# compassion
and self(discipline etc.
The aove is also true for the reali0ation of individual goals in an!
organi0ation# compan!# societ!# team. &is followers must accept him
as their leader and he should have a perfect communication with
them. 7ollowers must e ale to see in their leader a selfless# devoted#
dedicated# determined and a person of action. 7ollowers also must e
determined to see him through thic) and thin and must accept his
leadership with heart and soul.
True leaders# asicall!# are thin)ers# treading a new path with their
followers. The! are determined to do right not onl! in office ut in life
in general. There is no finishing line for them. The! jump from one
goal to another. The! are never too proud. The! alwa!s admit their
mista)es# never hesitate to sa! sorr. The! pulicall! admit that the!
owe their success to others# while never hesitate# owning failures.
The! easil! ma)e fun of themselves ut never of others. The! never
hesitate to as) for help. :ersistence is the onl! wa! the! )now#
ecause the! recogni0e that all their achievements are ecause of
their persistent efforts. The! shall )eep tr!ing till the! succeed.
2eadership is# perhaps# the most written suject in >nglish language.
* leader is one who possesses man! inorn <ualities. Thus each
alphaet of ,2>*9>R.&":% stands for <ualities a leader must possessM
L L 2o#e & 2istening ability, 2earns Fast.
E L Ent%usiasm & E99ecti#eness.
A L 1bility & 1sserti#eness, 1ctionA9illed.
4 L ,ynamic, ,etermined, ,edicated & ,ecisi#e.
E 9 EgoAless, 9ull o9 Energy & Emotional Control.
R L "es!onsibility & being a "ole $odel.
+ L Sel9lessness, ready to Sacri9ice, Stimulating.
1 L 0umility & 0ig%er +alues.
I 9 5ns!iring, 5ntuiti#e, takes 5nitiati#e.
P L 4ositi#ity & 4ersistence. 4ainstaking.

* true leader must have all the aove and a lot more. 2eadership
training must be included in school curriculum and at home. 7irst
lesson to e taught to a would(e leader should e# the are there to
serve, not to be served. The! are not lord and masters. :eople are
their lord and masters. The! are there to deliver# to perform. "f the!
can%t# people will show them the door and usher in someone# who can.
=ne trait of a good leader is that he must e a good follower. .ince#
people go along with those the! get along est# a leader should e
good at nurturing and maintaining relationships# which is possile if he
Your Quest for Being Better 70

is not an egoist. *ctual leadership is seen during tough times# not eas!
ones. .o# he must have roc)li)e discipline and enforce it in his
followers ut alwa!s treating them with utmost respect. &e delegates
oth responsiilit! and power. A ,ood :eader inspires his follo!ers to
have confidence in their :eader !hile a ,reat :eader inspires them to
have confidence in themselves. 3

RememerB Lea"es have to have boa" shoul"es be#ause
lea"eship is about espo!sibilit%. ,ue lea"es "o !ot aspie
fo a!% peso!al be!efits, si$pl% be#ause the% ae at the hel$.
A lea"e lea"s b% peso!al e8a$ple. 1e lea"s b% sa%i!& '#o$e9
o! eve%o!e, athe tha! &o o!. 1e is alwa%s at the foefo!t#
pepae" to be shot fist. 1e alwa%s sa%s '0e a!" #aies
eve%o!e alo!&. 1e !eve sa%s 'I o '$e. A tue lea"e
e<uies a #ool hea" a!" a 3i!" heat. 1e "oes a!" fo#uses
upo! what o!l% he #a! "o. Lea"es efuse to a##ept status <uo.
Afte a#hievi!& a &oal, thei !atual ea#tio! is >:%at ne;t,
:%at else, :%at more8B )lti$atel%, the% ta!slate thei visio!
i!to ealit% ta3i!& eve%o!e alo!&.

All of us shoul! ta(e a lesson fro' eather.
It &ays no attention to #riti#is'.

2:. If %ou ae !ot happ% with what %ou have,
%ou #a! !eve be happ% with what %ou wa!t.
C()., Y()R -LE++I./+.
* person# ought some propert! long ago for investment at ver!
cheap prices. But propert! values have gone through the roof and he
made huge profit disposing some of his holdings. B! mista)e# a couple
of lacs were paid e/tra in ta/es# which actuall! was peanuts compared
to the huge profit he made. But disregarding that# he would tell
an!one who cared to listen# aout his loss of pa!ing e/tra ta/ ut
never even mentioning the huge profit made. &e onl! seemed to
rememer the insignificant loss, deriving no jo! from the huge profit
he made in the deal.
That is the iron! in most people%s lives these da!s. The! never count
their lessings# which the! have in plent! ut are alwa!s ever read! to
tell their troules or prolems to an!one read! to listen. The! will )eep
cursing# criing# laming or complaining# how ,ad% times were or
how un)ind 8od has een to them. The! live in a world of self(pit!
created ! their own negative mindset. This trie which e/ists in
plent!# is self(afflicted with pauper sndrome. The! can never enjo!
an!thing the! have# instead# create a deep sense of self(deprivation

71 Your Quest for Being Better

within themselves# which ma)es them feel li)e a pauper all the time#
in spite of so man! good things the! have een lessed with.
&appiness# jo!# satisfaction# elation or contentment are all in mind.
=ne can have all these with ver! little or ma! not achieve these even
with too much. .uch people are ever ungrateful and than)less. The!
are ever greed!# wanting ever!thing for themselves onl! and are
highl! dissatisfied with life. The! are a pitiale lot# who alwa!s ignore
the aundant good which life or 8od has given them ut will )eep on
harping on the few negatives in their life. * !oung lad was driving
down his grandfather. &e got ver! irritated when two red signals came
consecutivel! and started cursing and criing. &is grandfather cooll!
told him# 9but ou never sa thanks for green signals2. $h! are we in
the hait of onl! ac)nowledging ,ad% and ignoring ,good%1
The! alwa!s thin) that others are leading a much etter life and
the! are leading a wretched life. The! are jealous of ever!one and
env! almost all. This vast majorit! is alwa!s mentall! comparing
themselves with others what the! have or got# e it wealth# ph!sical
eaut! or charm of their mate# professional success or standing in
societ!. The! have high e/pectations from others# while e/pect others
not to have an! e/pectation from them# since the!# eing poor cannot
meet them. 8od help them and e )ind to this pitiale lot.
&ow do we get over such negatives of life1 &ow do we enjo! the
true liss which e/ists in our lives1 &ow can we get over these feelings
of negativit! and ma)e the est of ever!thing life has to offer1 &ow to
get out of the poor me or unfortunate me or pauper sndrome# we
of our own creation1
1tart !ith a ,ratitude list. Ma)e a list of all the aundant good which
is there in !our life. ;our gratitude list will e so long that !ou will
forget the negatives. ;our spirit will start soaring as !our list gets
longer and longer# igger and igger. 9evelop an ,attitude of gratitude
in life and !ou will never loo) ac). *lwa!s e read! with e/pression of
8ratitude and *ppreciation# where ever !ou are. * person of gratitude
and appreciation is li)ed ever!where. Be positive. :ositive people
attract while negative repel. &ait of counting !our lessings#
e/pressions of praise# than)s and gratitude# convert an! gloom! or
dejected mood into cheerful# jo!ful one# spreading smiles all over.
:ife is under no obligation to give ou !hat ou e8pect. Best is to
change !ourself on which !ou have complete power# not on other
things. Change !our mental attitude from e8pectations to
acceptance. &appiest are those who do not compare their lives with
others and e/pect nothing from others. "n such cases# when !ou get
even something ver! insignificant# it feels great.
9o !ou )now# just eing ale to read this oo)# !ou are a luc)!
memer of a small minorit, !ho can read and !rite ;nglish' .o
reali0e the worth of things !ou have# this life# sunlight# cool ree0e#
life(giving water# !our famil!# friends# education# usiness or
Your Quest for Being Better 72

profession which sustains !ou and famil!# )nowledge and aundance
of technolog!# which offers !ou so much ease# comfort and enjo!ment.
Contentment and happiness alwa!s go hand in hand. .o it is
essential to understand the word contentment in it%s true form.
Contentment is deepl! hidden in !our heart somewhere. "t has nothing
to do with how much wealth or material possessions !ou own.
Contentment is such a state of mind# which can e achieved with little
or ma! not e achieved even with too much. "n fact# contentment is
the 8od%s gift# liss and iggest lessing for eing happ! and jo!ful. *
contented person is an elevated eing. .uch a person is free of greed#
crippling desires# unnecessar! wants# cravings# comparison or up(
man(ship# which are all negatives acrimonious to life. .ince# with their
continued use# we get so used to these negatives# we do not value the
positives# thus contentment and happiness alwa!s elude us.
(pposite of contentment is greed. 8reed is 8od%s wa! of ta)ing
revenge on human eings. $ith greed# one never feels satisfied#
alwa!s feels deprived. 8reed ma)es a normal human eing# wanting
more and more# never allows him to Than) &im for whatever &e gives#
alwa!s criing# cursing and laming others# alwa!s feeling inferior
since one is alwa!s on comparison mode. * greed!# unsatisfied and
discontented person is alwa!s cursing 8od for eing so unreasonale
to him while favorale to others.
7or a greed! person# onl! end matters# not the means. &ence# such
a person is ever selfish and unsatisfied# which is his iggest curse#
howsoever much he has# alwa!s wanting more and more for himself
onl!# he often chooses a self(destructive path. * greed! or
discontented person# lac)s dignit! and grace. $hatever he does# he
does with an e!e for himself individuall!# nothing for general good.
"nsatiale greed is the mother of corruption and ever! scam which we
see so often happening in our countr!. .ince# greed is insatiale and
ma)es !ou feel dissatisfied with whatever !ou have or get# thus ma)es
!ou full of ingratitude which is worst that can happen to an otherwise
good human eing. =ne ig reason wh! our societ! is in such a
turmoil# is ecause vast majorit! of our people do not have that
attitude of gratitude, so essential for a peaceful and virant living.
8od%s wa! of distriution# e it wealth# )nowledge# status etc. ma!
not appear to e fair. $hatever it is# there is no alternative to accept
them as part of life. But 8od has also gifted us different levels of
ph!sical prowess# intelligence and our mind to alance that through
our efforts in which we should not e found lac)ing. >ver!one has
some special talents to compensate what !ou have less and someone
else more. .o# est is not to compare such parameters in which !ou
are lesser gifted ut there are man! parameters in which !ou would
have an edge. Compare those parameters and not e in an! comple/.
Title of this lesson >59 you are not %a!!y :it% :%at you %a#e,
you :ill ne#er be %a!!y :it% :%at you :ant. CO-*/ 7O-"
.2ESS5*3S8, is aout contentment. Chinese Lao ,Fu wisdom sa!s it

73 Your Quest for Being Better

all .e content !ith !hat ou have6 re+oice the !a things are. When
ou realiCe there is nothing lacking, the !hole !orld belongs to ou.
When ou are content, to be simpl ourself and dont compare or
compete, everbod !ill respect ou.
&owever# contentment does not mean that !ou should sit ac) and
do nothing ecause !ou are ,contented% with what !ou have. -o# it%s
not that. ;our entire life depends upon !our 5armas, !our actions.
;ou have to )eep doing what !ou ought to# to the est of !our ailit!.
Contentment is to )eep !our inner alance. "t%s a feel which !ou must
have for a rewarding life# which is our goal in the end.
$hen !ou do !our 5armas to the est of !our ailit!# it rings !ou
peace# harmon! and happiness in life. ;ou have to )eep doing !our
duties and responsiilities# ma)ing effort towards progress# self(growth
and reali0ing life%s goals. :ositives and negatives# oth are in !our
mind. Ma)e a hait of ignoring negatives and highlighting the
positives. 2ife is for happiness. $hen 8od has een so )ind to ma)e
!ou what !ou are# enjo! ever! moment of the journe!# as much as
rewards. 3

RememerB It is bette to li&ht a #a!"le tha! to 3eep #usi!&
the "a3!ess. ,hi!&s tu! out best fo the people, who $a3e
the best of the wa% thi!&s tu! out. Feel &eat about what %ou
have, %ou eal wealth a!" bi&&est sou#e of ;o%. ,hee is !o
e!" to #avi!&s whe! %ou &ive9i!. 1e!#e #o!te!t$e!t with best
of >?armas8 o a#tio!s, is the -E+, (ptio! fo a life well9live".

%ive %ife 977F %ive %ife 977F %ive %ife 977F %ive %ife 977F
%ife ha&&ens, Ti'e Passes, =istan#e Se&arates, Chil!ren )ro u&.
%ove a*es an! anes. 4earts "rea(. Peo&le #o'e & )o.
Careers flourish & en!. Collea)ues for)et favours.
Peo&le !on,t #all hen they say they ill. Even near an! !ear
ones #han)e #olours. 3rien!s !it#h, thou)h stran)ers, at ti'es,
hel& & &rove "etter than frien!s.

This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out. This is ho, 'ore or less, life is a"out.
%ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0. %ive it strai)ht. >EEP %IDIN0.
=O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET. =O 0OO= & 3OR0ET.
Your Quest for Being Better 74

2=. People ae both /oo" o 4iffi#ult. Lea!
how to "eal with the$. Appl% L(VE a!"
$hile having ath in a river# a sage saw a scorpion drowning and
wanted to save it. *s sage held the scorpion# it stung the sage man!
times# efore he could ring it out of the river. &is disciple as)ed him#
,!hen scorpion is stinging, !h did ou not leave it and let it dro!n in
the river. 2earned sage replied ,#o sting, is the nature of the scorpion
but m dharma is to save its life. % onl did !hat % ought to.
.imple lesson which can e drawn from the aove stor! is that
whatever other person does# !ou do good# ecause doing good is !our
dharma# !our ver! second nature. ;ou have to e oth good and
understanding of human nature# which is the asic re<uirement# when
dealing with people coming from different ac)grounds. To some
degree# most of the people are self(see)ers. But# we have to get the
est out of the same set of people. ;our success or failure depends
upon how est can !ou handle them and form meaningful
relationships# which wor) to !our or organi0ation%s est advantage.
=ften# some persons are ver! show!# vociferous and loud with their
affections and appreciations. The! shall tr! to e as ostentatious as
possile with their attention# love and affection. The! shall also )eep in
touch through phone calls# messages# emails etc. The! shall alwa!s e
first to send us irth da! or anniversar! wishes.
Ouite contrar! to such loud persons# there are others who ma! not
wish !ou or call !ou or e/change mails. B! their nature# the! are not
the t!pes to e loud and vociferous# ut the! are alwa!s there when
!ou need them# when !ou are down# when !ou are feeling low. Though
<uite and silent# est gift the! give !ou# is their ver! presence. The!
are there for !ou when it matters most.
Both the aove characters can e there for !ou in umpteen
situations in life. ;our understanding of human nature comes into pla!
here. -ot necessaril!# ut ma! e the first person is just superfluous
and onl! a show(off while the second one is real sincere t!pe. ;ou
need not discard an! one of them ut in !our heart# have the right
place for oth of them. 7irst trie is found in great aundance these
da!s. Though the second one is not so common ut !ou have to e on
loo) out of silent and sincere t!pes# who ma)e sincere# trustworth!
and dependale friends.
$ho will e more lo!al to !ou1 ;ou onl! have to judge. But e ver!
careful on !our judgment. 9o not get carried awa!. 7or success# !ou
have to e the est judge of people. :eople are all t!pes. The! ma! e
seemingl! good ut might e ver! different when !ou deal with them.
The! can e ac)iters# news carriers# gossip mongers and insincere
t!pes ut appearing ver! lo!al. =n the other hand# some people might
never e ver! vociferous aout their lo!alt! to !ou ut might prove to
e stuornl! lo!al# when chips are down. *nd then there are difficult

75 Your Quest for Being Better

challenging t!pes# who might ma)e !ou cr! handling them. &andling
or getting along with all t!pe of people# will carr! !ou to desired goals.
Gudging people correctl!# comes with e/perience as !ou wade
through life. *ge old wisdom# intelligence and common sense come
into pla!# when judging a person right. "t is not onl! seeing what is
visile or hearing what is said# ut it is also to see(through someone#
his od! language# mind reading and listening to what has not een
said. $ith ever! word said or action on displa!# we should e ale to
read the motive ehind those words or actions.
"t is also how a person treats people# who are financiall! or sociall!
on a lower pedestal than him1 &ow he treats or tal)s to the servants in
his house# in !our house or sa! how he tal)s to waiters in a
restaurant1 "t is also the compan! he )eeps ecause normall! a
person will onl! have li)e(minded people as friends or as compan!.
.ometime# !ou might have to rel! on intuition or si/th sense. ;ou can
start judging people from a !oung age as a ho!# which can e ver!
interesting and mind teasing adding maturit! and wisdom to !our
personalit! when grown up.
$hile judging people# never ever react or displa! !our feelings to
the oject of !our stud! or those around. Gust )eep the results in !our
memor!# to e referred as and when the need arises. "n case of dout#
discuss with a trustworth! ut not common friend or with !our spouse.
$hile doing so# encourage them to air their honest opinion which ma!
not# necessaril! coincide with !ours. But )eep !our cards close to !our
chest. &owsoever# serious or concerned !ou might e# alwa!s appear
casual aout such opinions and things ut once !ou have enough
evidence either wa!# then onl! form an opinion# which ma! never e
divulged unless direl! needed for !our own or good friend%s or
organi0ation%s use.
-o one is as luc)! never to come across a difficult person. $e often
do# whether we li)e it or not. "t could e !our spouse# child or an!
other memer of the famil!# neighor# colleague# superior#
suordinate# customer# landlord# tenant or an old friend. .ometime
!ou face them dail!. "f the! are awa!# a letter or message from them
ma! unnerve !ou. &ere# one important thing !ou must rememer. "t is
difficult to change people. =f course# !ou can ma)e an effort in this
direction also and hope for the est. But !ou can definitel! change the
other person# which is ,;ou%. ;ou must focus on that and ring aout
possile improvements and handling capacities within !ou# to enale
!ou to get along successfull! with people# which in itself# is an art.
>ven if !ou are a person with lots of self(restrain# self(control# good
to the core# never hurting t!pe# non(confrontationist# tolerant and
patient# !ou are afraid that the person ma! ring out the worst in !ou.
Their unreasonale attitude and ugl! ehavior# at times# can drag !ou
into avoidale and un(necessar! arguments# shouting or s<ualing.
.uch people are high on ego and would not mind hurting others as per
Your Quest for Being Better 76

their !ish# ut are sensitive aout their feelings# respect ' sentiments.
$hen dealing with such people# !ou are afraid of !our own self.
But# eing a person with a positive attitude# roc)(li)e determination
and sustance# !ou must ensure that !our conduct is aove oard#
irrespective of the provocation or at times# mischief intended. ;ou can
appl! all this while dealing with spouse or at home# where patience#
calm and cool disposition# silence# wor)s li)e a soothing alm. -ever
react harshl! or over(react. +nderstand the intent rather than tone
and alwa!s avoid sarcasm# which has no place in a civili0ed societ!.
Mind !ou# within the spouses# peace and tran<uilit! are far more
important than ego# arrogance# alwa!s having !our wa! and high
nose. .hun these and !ou have peaceful thriving home full of love#
understanding and support for each other.
&owever# here one must rememer that !ou have to accept people
as the! are# the! cannot e what !ou want them or as !ou want them
to e. "t ma! e second nature with some people to lose temper# while
the! ma! not mean an! offence. * little restrain# patience or silence on
!our part# ma! cool them down. Responding with a calm# cool
temperament instead of reacting# often wor)s fine. -ever rel! on tit
for tat when dealing with such people.
>ven if !ou have tried to change them for etter# with most such
people# reasoning and logic does not wor). ;ou have to accept them
as the! are and tr! to change !ourself# where ever !ou can. -o one is
perfect# !ou must understand that. But do not lose an opportunit! to
ma)e !ourself a perfect person# ! ,taming difficult persons with !our
intrinsic good ehavior# sincerit! and genuine interest for the well
eing of others. Top it with !our well meaning charming smile. There
is no wa! it will not wor). >ven difficult people have their wea)nesses.
$hile dealing with such people# we must get into the hait of not
reacting instantl! ut responding calml!# which would help. 9iscipline
and emotional(control helps a great deal and uilds relationships.
.ooner or later# such people ma! reali0e that it is etter to sta! calm.
B! eing difficult# the! are onl! hurting themselves and their own
interests. Though eing difficult is second nature with some people#
the! incidentall!# do not thin) so. "t is !our dut! and responsiilit! to
appl! self(control# tolerance# patience and e/hiit calm and cool
temperament which# onl! ma! wor) in such cases.
+nder no circumstance# settling scores or pa!ing them ac) ,with
the same coin% attitude# wor)s. Moreover# we should ta)e pride in our
own conduct and ehavior# rather than eing driven ! others%
ehavior. $e should ta)e care of our image through self(control and
restrain we impose on ourselves and the aundant enefits we reap.
"rrespective of provocations# never get provo)ed. Build that )ind of
intrinsic calmness and serenit!# which will help !ou a lot.
$e have discussed the other side# good or difficult people onl!. But
most important factor is handler himself. &ow is he perceived !
people he is handling or managing. "t is aout !our image !ou create

77 Your Quest for Being Better

in their mind. ;our image in their mind has to e that of a reasonale#
understanding# s!mpathetic or loving person. Then things are much
easier. $hether !ou are the spouse# oss# teacher# colleague# an!one
who is responsile for people# tr! and create a positive earing and
image so that ps!chologicall!# to start with# people find !ou responsive
and are cooperative. That happens onl! when the! have !our positive
image in their mind.
9ifficult persons are there to sta! in ever!one%s life. +ltimatel! what
matters most is how !ou deal with them and e at peace with them.
$e all have normal human strengths and wea)nesses. -o one is
perfect. "n fact we all have wea)nesses# talents and strengths. "n life#
mantra >C%ange :%at you can, acce!t :%at you cannot8# wor)s
est. 1e!#e, a##ept the$ as the% ae, bei!& the #hil"e! of the
sa$e /o".
But here " must warn the reader that changing people or people
changing themselves# is mostl! rare# and difficult process. =othing !ill
change unless !e change. $e cannot change other people%s ehavior#
onl! our own. .o# !ou need a continuous untiring approach towards
this end. *part from eing positive# we need to e realists also in life#
alwa!s read! to )eep tr!ing# never accepting defeat or ta)ing ,no% for
an answer. .uch an attitude would ring us lots of jo!# happiness and
sense of achievement and fulfillment in our life.
2i)e the sage at the eginning of this lesson# do things as per !our
nature# not e hijac)ed ! others% actions or outursts. "t alwa!s pa!s
to e patient# dignified and tolerant# spreading love# goodness and
peace. $hen !ou are intrinsicall! good with people# the! also tend to
reciprocate with the same goodness. 8reater part of !our success in
life will depend on how !ou get along with people# how !ou
handleImanage them. This is an art which all successful people#
leaders in respective fields and winners# have to master. -ot eing
good in this art# is not an option. 3

RememerB A $i!" la#e" with i#e to 3eep it #oolE A to!&ue
la#e" with su&a to spea3 softl%. A lovi!& a!" 3i!" heatE 6i8
the$ up with &oo" $easue of patie!#e, self9#o!tol &
tolea!#e. I!stea", t%i!& to bowbeat %ou, "iffi#ult people will
fall at %ou feetE

Never "rea( four thin)s in life? Never "rea( four thin)s in life? Never "rea( four thin)s in life? Never "rea( four thin)s in life?
"e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot. "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot. "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot. "e#ause hen they "rea(, they !on,t 'a(e noise "ut &ain a lot.

Your Quest for Being Better 78

2?. Life is fo Livi!&, !ot Co$plai!i!& o
Cibbi!&. Live it 0ell. Live it Full. Live fo what
6A,,ER+ 6(+, i! life.
* gas alloon goes high up in the air ecause of what is there
inside it# not what is outside or what attractive color it has. .ame wa!#
we live a rewarding# satisfied and fulfilled life with what is there inside
us# which is our real strength# not in how much pomp and show# we
live in or can create around us# or how much we can ,impress% those
who in an! case# are of no conse<uence to us.
"nner strength comes from strength of character# with the strong
foundation we la! earl! in life# during childhood mostl!. "t is when
right from childhood# we inculcate and instill <ualities of sincerit!#
)indness# faithfulness# compassion# generosit!# giving(sharing(helping
attitude# forgiveness# passion and smart hard wor). But unfortunatel!#
corrosion seems to have een set in our societ! ecause of wea)
foundation. *ping# latant show(off# comparison# high e/pectations
from others and up(man(ship# has ecome a wa! of life with most of
the people. Criing# complaining and shamelessness has ta)en deep
roots in ever! segment of our societ!.
$e lame it on the politicians who# positivel!# have rought down
the moral standards and core values to the lowest e. Corruption in
our societ!# which is li)e cancer in the od!# has ta)en deep roots. The
methods we are appl!ing for the treatment of dreadful chronic
diseases# are li)e tr!ing to treat cancer with aspirin# which will never
wor)# nor will ever rid the od! of the ailment. 8reed# corruption#
mone!(mindedness has ta)en deep roots in most of the people# which
results in mindless pursuit of material wealth# status to prove
ourselves etter than others. .uch an attitude creates jealous! and
acrimon!# hindering our personal growth. B! our own undoing# we
have created the )ind of societ! we live in.
:oliticians are also part of the same societ!. The! have not een
dropped from the top. "t is entire societ! which has gone erser)# not
onl! one class of people. 9o we find corrupt people onl! in politicians1
$h! can%t we have such politicians in +A# where prime minister travels
in the us along with other people and has to travel standing# when no
seats are availale. "n our race to grow rich# we have lost the
direction. "n an! scam# the leader# of course# is mostl! a politician ut
see how man! other people are involved. Those who cannot e the
part of corruption# ta)es to criing# laming and cursing. "s there an!
guarantee that those who are cr!ing hoarse over corruption# will not
indulge in corrupt practices# given an opportunit!.
"magine a world without criing and complaining. .ome people
simpl! overdo this to get the etter for themselves# attention or
material enefits. The! shall )eep complaining and criing and ma)e
others% life miserale with their negativit!. The! will never see good in
an!thing# alwa!s see)ing ad and nature is also such that often it

79 Your Quest for Being Better

gives them what the! see). Then# the usual see, % told ou so. The!
)eep their focus on what is wrong with ever!one or the whole world.
.uch people never hold themselves responsile for an!thing.
$hat matters most in life# is our attitude which onl! is in our hands.
Create a dream in !our mind# what !ou would li)e to ecome and then
wor) unceasingl! towards that dream. ;ou will enjo! !our wor) and as
!ou get near !our goal# !ou will e filled with a ig sense of
achievement. Create enough self elief and confidence within !ourself#
ecause if !ou ma)e a sincere effort towards a worth! unselfish goal#
ever! goal is reali0ale. Create a sense of purpose instead of constant
ic)ering# which disheartens !ou and ever!one else too. $hen !ou
have a sense of purpose# !ou can achieve much. &aving a sense of
purpose is a pushing agent in life.
2ive through !our dreams. * person without dreams is alread! dead
without )nowing. ;ou can ma)e a rewarding life for !ourself and
ever!one else in touch with !ou# ! living a regret(free life# which can
onl! e lived ! not doing something which !ou ma! regret later. "f
!ou have no regrets# !ou will not fear an!thing in life# not even death.
Gust concentrate on !our thin)ing# improve it# elevate !ourself. =thers
would unhesitatingl! follow !ou. *ll a man achieves or fails to achieve
in his life# is ecause of his own positive or negative thought process.
9o not live the life of a slave# slave to !our tongue as !ou sa! what
comes to !our mind# slave of !our negativit! ecause !our thin)ing is
negative. * half glass of water is alwa!s full# half with water# other half
with air. "t%s never empt! e/cept in !our mind. 9on%t ever let miseries
caused through negatives of life# rule !our life. 2ife is full of liss and
lessings. ;ou onl! have to loo) within for them. Thin) independentl!#
innovativel!# originall! and no one can eat !ou in the race of life.
>ach moment of life is liss# when !ou thin) positive and same life is
miserale# when !ou thin) negative. $hen !ou )eep criing and
complaining aout people and circumstances# !ou will have enough
reasons to do so# some actual# some imaginar!.
$riter has studied life e/tensivel! over decades and has tried to
anal!0e what actuall! matters most in life. 9o all our material holdings
accumulated so painsta)ingl! through !ears of laor and greed# reall!
matter when !ou loo) ac)1 9oes our wealth# status and position
collected and uilt over the !ears# matter as much as we thin)1 ;es#
these things do matter to an e/tent that it has given !ou a lifest!le
without worr!ing much aout mone!# which definitel! is the mainsta!
of life. But that%s all.
$hen !ou loo) ac) on life# fond memories of having done good to
all and sundr!# is what matters most. "t must give !ou a pleasant
feeling of a life well lived. ;our mind must e full of sincerit! and
)indness !ou have shown towards others. "t%s the )indness#
compassion# integrit!# courage and character# !ou have shown at
various moments in life. &ow !ou helped others# speciall! to ma)e a
Your Quest for Being Better 80

difference to their lives. &ow !ou stood for !our convictions against all
odds. "t is not onl! how !ou rememer !ourself ut how others
rememer !ou and )eep !ou in high esteem. 3

RememerB I! life, it is ou "ut% to fi!" lifes pupose. A!"
positivel%, its !ot lifes pupose to live selfish life of lu8u%,
loa"e" with selfish $ateialis$. (!e $ust be e$e$bee" fo
how o!e $a"e a "iffee!#e to othes lives, who wee !ot so
fotu!ate. 1ow o!e is e$e$bee" whe! thee ae !o $oe
su!ises o su!sets, whe! %ou ow! !othi!&, whe! thee is !o
hate", !o love, !o fie!"s, e!e$ies o elatives. ,he le&a#%
%ou leave at the e!" of it all, is what $attes $ost. A!" the
le&a#% is i!teli!3e" with the se!se of pupose !ot ;ust %ou
#a$e a!" beathe" whi#h $ost of us "o.


$on!ers of Earth

A )rou& of stu!ents as as(e!, hat ere the
Seven $on!ers of the earthG After so'e
!isa)ree'ents, they Heroe! on the folloin)C
C4INA & TO$ER O3 PISA. /ut tea#her foun!
one )irl !ifferin) ith others. $hen tea#her as(e!
her hat she thou)ht, she re&lie! II thin(, Seven
$on!ers of orl! are TO /E A/%E TO SEE, TO
4EAR, TOUC4, TASTE, 3EE%, %AU04 &

<any Si'&le Thin)s e ta(e as 'atter of ri)ht. The
'ost Pre#ious Thin)s in life #annot "e "uilt "y han!s
or "ou)ht. They truly are 0I3T 3RO< 0O=.

81 Your Quest for Being Better

2@. Rea#h the 4ivi!e thou&h F(R/IV.E++.
F(R/IVE & +ee how /eat You Feel.
:eople pra! to their 8ods ecause the! thin)# it%s 8od who 8ives and
it is &e who 7=R8"V>.. Then wh! not e !our own 8od ! forgiving
others. Ma)e a wor)ing principal in life. 7orgive# 7orget and Move
ahead in life. 7orgiveness is a great healing tool. Tr! it an!where and
feel free. 7orgiving attitude lightens !ou ! a ton.
8andhi Gi# father of our nation# often used to sa! /orgiveness is the
attribute of the strong. Weak cannot forgive. Ouite trueC =nl! if !ou
are a person of sustance# strong convictions# high self(esteem and
self(elief# !ou can forgive. "f !ou are loaded with intrinsic
wea)nesses# it is difficult to forgive. To forgive re<uires strength and
confidence# which ever!one does not possess. True than)sgiving or
forgiveness is a wa! of e/pressing love and gratitude through positive
action. True forgiveness also is to rid our thin)ing of rigid and infle/ile
ideas# develop the fle/iilit! to change our mind and ehavior.
*lmost all great persons in the world# reali0ed the power of
forgiveness. Martin 2uther Aing used to sa! >Forgi#eness is !ure
%a!!iness8. *nger# resentment or revenge rings us nothing ut
unhappiness# heartache# tension# discomfiture which ma! result into
cardiovascular prolems and other lifest!le diseases. =n the contrar!#
forgiveness generates peace of mind# serenit! and tran<uilit! ringing
us close to divinit!. "n other words# 7orgiveness is a healing potion
availale to all of us against anger# resentment and revenge# which
hurt us adl! throughout our lives. But# unfortunatel!# few luc)! ones
use this great healer provided ! the nature to counter the evil effects
of destructive vanit! within us which is unforgiving nature.
Gust visuali0e an ever!da! situation. .omeone has said few things#
which !ou thin) were insulting and should not have een said. "t%s
natural that !ou are feeling hurt and let down. "n spite of !our est
efforts# !ou cannot forget the incidence and time and again# it is
coming to !our mind spoiling !our mood# creating stress and tension.
$henever !our mind is free# that unfortunate incidence comes to !our
mind ma)ing !ou miserale. Though !ou cannot help it# ut more !ou
thin)# more !ou feel hurt and let down. $hen !ou anal!0e the matter#
it does not seem to e such a ig issue# after all. But the feeling of
hurt# simpl! does not go awa!.
-ow tr! and forgive the person who has hurt !ou# let !ou down or
has made !ou feel miserale. 2oo) at the incidence in a new
perspective. $hat has een said# cannot e unsaid ! an!one. $e
cannot change that. Then what we can change1 ;es# we can change
our reaction to the whole incidence and forgive the person for our own
good# resulting in tran<uilit!# satisfaction and peace of mind.
*nger is opposite of 7orgiveness. *nger dissolves affection# deprives
!ou of wisdom and vision. =n the contrar!# forgiveness rings !ou
peace# tran<uilit! and freedom from stress and tension. 1!ami
Your Quest for Being Better 82

4aanand 1aras!ati# founder of Ara 1ama+, while on his deathed#
forgave his servant# who gave him mil) mi/ed with poison and ordered
him to run awa! efore people find out the truth. @esus &hrist even
as)ed 8od to forgive those who crucified &im. 7orgiveness was their
last living act# which endeared them to their disciples and followers. -o
dout# 7orgiveness is a 8odl! act of great virtue# patience and
tolerance. "n &induism and Gainism# forgiveness is considered the
highest virtue.
>ver!one ma)es mista)es and do wrong things )nowingl! or
un)nowingl!. "f he or she feels sincerel! sorr! and wants to e
pardoned# forgiving him should e our natural response and a positive
choice# rather than not accepting his sincere apologies and )eep
carr!ing the e/tra weight of grudges against the person. Rememer
one thing that forgiveness rings more peace to the forgiver than the
one who is forgiven. .impl! put# onl! when we forgive others# should
we e/pect to e forgiven ! the divine. .rophet *ohammed forgave
those who fought against &im and &is armies. &e was ever read! to
forgive his enemies.
.upreme 7orgiveness forms part of one of the 3F characteristics of
4harma in @ainism. Most auspicious of Gain festivals# ,:ar!ushan
:arva%# which is celerated for 3F da!s in Chaturmas# is a celeration
of human values including forgiveness# non(violence and truthfulness.
:eople see) the forgiveness from their friends and relatives for an!
misdeeds the! might have committed )nowingl! or un)nowingl!.
,Ashama% which is &indi of /orgiveness, is termed Veerasa
abhushanam indicating that forgiveness is a +e!el of the strong and
brave, not !eak as generall! felt ! man!. *s per Gainism#
/orgiveness is spiritual purification, it uplifts the soul. :ord *ahavira
sas in +ain scriptures Anger begets more anger. /orgiveness and love
lead to more forgiveness and love.
Ta)e an! religion in the world# 7orgiveness is something the! preach
ecause it rings their disciples serenit!# tran<uilit! and peace.
7orgiveness is a oon for the one who forgives and also for the one
who is forgiven. "t is a penance and meditation. 7orgiveness is nothing
short of a healing mantra to help us lead a health! and powerful life
free from anger# worr! ' hatred. "n Buddhism# forgiveness is seen as
a practice to avert harmful emotions from causing havoc to our mental
well eing.
Tr! and understand what /orgiving entails1 7orgiving does not
mean that other person is right and !ou wrong. "t onl! shows# !ou
acted smart# dispensing off the weight of others% grudges# which !ou
would have carried# had !ou not forgiven them. "n other words# !ou
refuse to nurture those feelings of anger and hate within !ou# which is
a)in to nurturing !our own emotional imalance and let poison to grow
and flourish within !ou.
7orgiveness is the charit! which egins from home and since# as a
forgiver# we ourselves are the iggest eneficiar!# we have to ta)e

83 Your Quest for Being Better

initiative to forgive and forget. "t also means that for our growth and
well(eing# we are prepared to suppress our false pride and ego# which
would alwa!s weigh us down# if we )eep housing them within us. B!
an unforgiving attitude# we let pain and agon! lie deep inside us#
pla!ing havoc with our ps!che. The deep(rooted unforgiving attitude#
)eeps reminding us constantl! aout the prejudices# hurt# wounds
imaginar! or real# which might have een inflicted upon us. $e are
never free and our peace of mind is forever distured. Tran<uilit! and
serenit! which we so direl! need# is alwa!s evading. $hen we willingl!
forgive those who hurt us# we generate peace.
:eople often sa!# % can forgive but not forget. $ell# if !ou forgive
someone from !our heart with sincerit! and# of course# if instance is
not repeated# it is not difficult to forgive and forget once for all and e
a hundred ton lighter# rather than e a coolie# carr!ing the weight of
grudges# ad memories and hurt in !our heart ' mind.
7orgiveness has enormous power. "t%s not a sign of wea)ness as
might e elieved ! might is right t!pes. 7orgiveness is glorious#
selfless act that can radicall! transform lives of oth forgiver and
forgiven# and rings an era of peace# harmon! and much needed
tran<uilit! and serenit! in life to oth. $hen we don%t forgive those
who have hurt us# the! occup! a rent(free space in our heart and
mind# never letting us e at peace with ourselves. $hen we do not
forgive# we carr! the resentment towards others within. Result is that
we get disconnected with ourselves. $e remain angr!# agitated#
dissatisfied and irritated. This is common condition and results into a
sin)ing and sul)ing feeling within us without )nowing aout it. Most of
the times# we ma! not even e aware of the reason ut that sul)ing
feeling persists.
.o it is alwa!s etter to ride over !our ego and false pride# e more
understanding# cooperative and sporting to rid !ourself of the e/tra
emotional weight# which !ou would carr! ! not forgiving. *lwa!s
rememer# mista)es can happen to an!one and when it is !our turn
as)ing for pardon for an inadvertent mista)e# others will alwa!s e
read! to forgive !ou too# if !ou !ourself have een the forgiving t!pe.
%n marital life, an attitude of forgiveness acts like heavenl, soothing
potion. $hen two persons from totall! different ac)grounds# have to
live together under each other%s constant oservation# an unforgiving#
uns!mpathetic or un(understanding attitude# can pla! havoc to the
peace# serenit! and tran<uilit! of marital life. &ate egets hate#
misunderstanding generates more misunderstanding# ut on the other
hand# love and trust egets more love and trust. $e often get what we
are loo)ing for. "f it%s good we are loo)ing for# we shall undoutedl!
get good# ut if we are loo)ing for short comings of the partner# we
shall have plent! to complain and lame aout.
"n such a scenario# readers are advised# to develop a forgiving
attitude with regards to the partner and see the relationship lossom.
Your Quest for Being Better 84

$hen one partner is forgiving t!pe# other will also ecome li)e that. "t
onl! re<uires little patience# understanding# s!mpathetic approach
etween the partners# to turn life into total liss and a home into a
paradise. 9efinitel! a small price to pa! for the peace# enthusiasm#
viranc! and optimism# which will prevail in !our life# not onl! in !our
sweet home# ut also these feelings will accompan! !ou ever!where#
adding to the positive approach to life in general and improving !our
overall relationships and performance in professional field. *n
improved atmosphere of love# forgiveness and caring at home# spea)s
loud and clear in ever! other areas of !our life# e it profession#
popularit! amongst friends and relatives or in !our usiness
relationships with clients or suppliers.
7orgiveness is aout loving !ourself honestl!# eing open minded
and willing to move on in life. 7orgiveness is feeling the pain ut not
suffer ecause of that. 7orgiveness dissolves ad and generates good
in life. Through giving and forgiving# old >8= structures uilt during
lifetime# egin to crumle. "t is through forgiveness and than)sgiving
we feel and find real liss and peace which e/ists within us.
*n unforgiving person# needlessl, carries the !eight of others
grudges in his life. 2ife is a long distance race. ;ou can visuali0e
having two athletes running the race. =ne amongst them is carring
the !eight of others grudges in his life# while other one that is ou#
who is not carr!ing that awesome weight ! forgiving ever!one and
feeling free and light. $ho among these two shall e a winner1 -o one
needs an! super intelligence to guess the right answer. Then wh! do
we miss the golden opportunit! of eing happ! and serene in life1
7orgiveness is the grand and glorious thing to rise aove the pain.
Rewards of forgiveness far outweigh the futilit! of harboring grudges.
&olding on to the grudges# criticism and lame# can often# destro!
peace and tran<uilit!# !ou have een loo)ing for in !our own life.
+nder their influence# !our thin)ing is lurred# od! energ! is sapped.
;ou lose will# resistance and strength# which !ou need to face all the
challenges in !our life. *n unforgiving nature# laming attitude#
resentment and self pit!# are not the health! emotions to carr! around
within# ecause the! act li)e acid or other corrosive agents and create
more harm to !ou rather than the other person. 2etting go of the
grievances or grudges# is the health! and responsile wa! of getting
rid of all !our negativit!. "t is a sign of internal healing resulting into
perpetual peace of mind# serenit! and tran<uilit! in !our own life.
Gesus Christ preached :ove our enem. $e cannot love our enem!
! hating him. &ate onl! egets more hate. $e can love the enem!
onl! ! getting rid of the enmit!# which is possile onl! ! forgiving
him. *nd we should never hesitate to as) forgiveness of those we have
wronged# while we are still living in this world. 7orgiveness is an act of
love. The life of Gesus teaches us that at the heart of love is
forgiveness and compassion. 7orgiveness is setting ourselves free from
the onds of hatred and anger.

85 Your Quest for Being Better

+nless we are free from mutual distrust through forgiveness# the
future of our children and grand children ma! not e ver! right# since
pressure of natural resources necessar! for the survival of human
race# will e immense as the time passes. "t is the responsiilit! of us
elders# to teach our children the power of forgiveness as discussed
aove and never hesitate to forgive or see) forgiveness. 2et us live
together in this world peacefull!# harmoniousl! and coe/ist without
conflict through to err is human, to forgive divine. "f !ou thin) deepl!#
7orgiveness is eing smart# progressive and travelling light. 3

RememerB Fo&ivi!& is la&e9heate"!ess a!" bei!&
&e!eous. (!l% e$otio!all% sto!& selfless peso!s #a! fo&ive.
Fo&ive!ess is the &oo" health we e!;o%, whe! we "eto8if% ou
heat a!" $i!" b% fo&ivi!& those who have hut us. -e slow to
;u"&e but <ui#3 to fo&ive. Fo&ive!ess is a !atual heale with
abu!"a!t &oo" a!" be!efi#ial si"e effe#ts.

Confi!en#e #o'es not fro' alays "ein) Ri)ht
"ut not fearin) to "e ron). not fearin) to "e ron). not fearin) to "e ron). not fearin) to "e ron).

2A. If people ae u"e & u!3i!", i&!oe the$.
Alwa%s $ai!tai! %ou (0. +,A.4AR4.
This is aout accepting people and circumstances as the! are. ;ou
can%t do much to change them. Tr! if !ou can ut if !ou can%t# est
thing is to e little selfish and maintain !our own standard. =ever let
others dictate our behavior. Be a person of merit# strength and
sustance. Be a role model to others. Rude and un)ind people will also
come around.
2ife is almost same for ever!one# ig or small. Both have their own
prolems# dissatisfactions# disenchantments# frustrations# irritants#
acrimonies. -o one )nows or can gauge other%s prolems or pains. The
one who suffers onl! )nows. The one who is wearing the shoe# )nows
where it is pinching. Big <uestion is when ever!one is having some
prolem or the other# wh! then some people alwa!s loo) positive# act
positive or reflect positivit!# while others alwa!s loo) morose#
unhapp!# negative and dissatisfied. Reason is that the first )ind
ignores man! things and utterances or ta)es such things lightl!# while
the second )ind ta)es the things or utterances to their heart and get
upset over small things. 7irst )ind ma)es the est of whatever the!
have# while the second )ind# ma)es the worst of whatever is there.
.imple fact of life is that# as said ! Warren <uffet, the second
richest man in the world after ill gates ?its our life, !h let others
Your Quest for Being Better 86

rule over it2. But the prolem is that we let others rule over us#
willingl! or unwillingl!. "f in a part!# an! item doesn%t taste good# don%t
eat it. There are man! other things. >at those. "f someone tal)s nicel!
to !ou# e happ!. "f not# forgive him for he must e having his own
prolems. "f weather is good# to !our li)ing# e happ!# ut if it%s not as
per !our li)ing# still e happ! ecause weather is e!ond !our control.
>/orgiveness is such a great stress uster and 8od%s gift to all of us.
$h! we do not ma)e optimum use of this most valuale gift from 8od#
" have not understood1 "f someone is angr! at !ou and shouts# do not
e tit for tat. .impl!# either ignore him or remain !our calm and
unruffled self. ;our calm and unruffled nature would pa! !ou
handsomel! in the long run. There is so much ad news in the papers
these da!s. Bad things of all sorts# seems to e happening
ever!where. 2et those who do them# go to hell and suffer. ;ou do what
!ou ought to ecause !ou have control over onl! on !our actions# not
on others%. <e kind to unkind people. Aindness never fails. Aindness is
caring# eing generous# gracious# selfless and dignified. $hen !ou
open !our heart to others through !our )indness# others have to
reciprocate in the same manner.
"f a friend has ought or uild a new or palatial house# wish them
est ut e happ! in !our house. .ame thing is true for most other
material things. 9o not e carried awa! ! the show(offs# pomp and
show done with the sole purpose of pulling others down or showing off.
.impl! ignore them or forgive them ecause that is what !ou can do.
* super sa!ing# if ou have nothing to sa, sa nothing. $e are
constantl! sa!ing things for others to hear# not to listen. 8et out of the
hait of ma)ing thoughtless and irresponsile remar)s or comments
i.e. sa!ing things just for sa!ing sa)e onl!. =ever break the silence,
unless ou can improve the atmosphere or people are sincerel!
appreciative of what !ou sa!. ;ou will often see people sa!ing
something sill!# then add % !as +ust +oking or other such asurdities.
:ointless tal)# remar)s or comments or stories repeated again and
again# should e avoided ! sensile mature people. 8et out of the
urge to ma)e unwarranted remar)s just for the hec) of it. "f !ou do
not stop this# slowl! it ecomes a hait and words are simpl!
laered out# ma)ing one loo) li)e a fool. $eight of !our personalit!
simpl! diminishes. .uch people are laughed at# if not in their presence#
definitel! in their asence.
$eight of !our personalit! lies in the words !ou utter. Ma)e !our
words or opinion matter. That can happen onl! when !our words and
opinions are thoughtful and measured. -ever lower !our standards to
match others%. 2et others sa! or do things as the! li)e. :isten more,
sa less. 9o not react or respond to ever!thing# what is said or what
!ou hear. 2eave a mar) where ever !ou are. Mar) of !our maturit!C
There is nothing in this world which can%t e done etter. 9o that and
alwa!s e on a loo)out for doing even etter than that. Ta)e !our time
to respond ut respond with wisdom. 3

87 Your Quest for Being Better

RememerB If othes ae u"e, u!3i!" o a!&%, it is thei
peo&ative to be li3e that. You have %ou ow! sta!"a"s to
3eep. 7eep the$ hi&h fo othes to lea! fo$ %ou a!" follow
%ou. You life is to be live" b% %ou. Let othes .(, ule ove it.

0reatest 'ana)e'ent &rin#i&le in the $orl! ?
the thin)s the thin)s the thin)s the thin)s R RR Rear!e! & ear!e! & ear!e! & ear!e! & A AA A&&re#iate!, &&re#iate!, &&re#iate!, &&re#iate!, 0 00 0et et et et = == =one. one. one. one.

2B. Eve%thi!& i! the wol" stats s$all. It
/ows bi& with ti$e a!" epeate" effot.
>ven a huge an!an tree# at one time# was a miniscule seed. >ven
three store! tall giraffe was small when orn. >ven Albert ;instein had
to learn alphaetic once. >ven *ahatma ,andhi or =elson *andela,
were once un()nown individuals. >ven 1achin #endulkar held the
cric)et at for the first time once. >ven footall great .ele touched the
footall for the first time once. *n atom which is so small# draws its
destructive power million times over# ! repeated chain reaction. *ll
ig usiness empires were once in someone%s rain# just an idea which
grew into its present da! status ! repeated efforts and attempts !
its wor)ers and managements.
* small child in school learns the alphaets# those strange shapes
and figures for the first time. But da! ! da!# ! repeated continuing
efforts# he learns more and more complicated things and slowl!# finds
them eas! to handle. *s the time progresses# he learns more and
more# does etter and etter. >ver!thing# which loo)ed so difficult
earlier# is now easil! manageale. $hether it is education# profession#
language# game or vocation# !ou have to start small in ever!thing#
learn and slowl!# ! repeated efforts and attempts at learning# !ou
ecome more and more proficient in understanding the intricacies and
complications when !ou find it eas!.
2ife is a long learning process. &uman mind has unlimited capacit!
to learn and evolve. "nitiall! ever!thing appears difficult ut when !ou
tr! and learn it with patience and perseverance# ever!thing can e
learnt and then taught to others. "n fact# that is how human race has
reached its present status and have ecome the leader of the
universe. $e are different from other species on the planet# ecause
we can thin)# learn and then teach other human eings. $e are
s!stematic# organi0ed and can innovate and improvise.
,ea#hes ae u!i<ue to hu$a! a#e. ,he% ae ba#3bo!e of
hu$a! so#iet%. 1u$a!s have po&esse" so $u#h o!l% be#ause
o!e hu$a! #a! tea#h othe hu$a!. ,he ,EAC1ER+. Fo$ pe
7/ to u!ivesit%, esea#h, 6a!a&e$e!t, te#h!olo&%, $e"i#i!e,
#o$putes, "efe!se fo#es, i!"ust%, s#ie!#e, $athe$ati#s,
Your Quest for Being Better 88

tea#hi!& is the pofessio! that tea#hes all othe pofessio!s.
-ut fo tea#hes, we $i&ht still be livi!& i! the sto!e a&e. .o
wo!"e, $othe, fathe a!" &uu ae all &oupe" to&ethe i!
ou s#iptues, e<uate" to /o".
Right from the eginning# our focus must e on learning and
thin)ing. &uman mind has unlimited capacit! to learn ut is grossl!
under(utili0ed# hardl! 3FH of its full capacit! is used throughout our
lifetime. $e can find solution to ever! prolem ! rational and logical
thin)ing. 2i)e other things# if remained unsolved or unresolved for
long# ever! prolem ecomes ig# appears igger and un(solvale.
;ou must prioriti0e !our life with well defined priorities to progress#
since ever!one has the same amount of time. -ever let important
things e at the merc! of unimportant things. There ma! e numer of
tas)s to e done. Reali0e their value and enefits ' set priorities
accordingl!. .ometimes# productive and important things might e
appearing difficult and oring ut alwa!s do them first. &ardest part is
alwa!s getting started ut once !ou have made a start howsoever
small# it will e easier as !ou proceed. ;ou will see things
automaticall! ta)ing shape when !ou are action(oriented and focused.
"n life# alwa!s focus on action not on accomplishments. $hen suitale
action is ta)en# suitale results ' rewards will e there. That is
nature%s unchangeale law.
=ur 0eal# patience# hard wor)# commitment# enthusiasm and of
course# devoted time ma)es things ig. >/pect nothing in the
eginning# compare with no one. Gust ma)e a small eginning with
!our sweat and the most wonderful of all 8od%s gift to human eings#
human intelligence and capacit! to organi0e things and events. &ave
7aith in 8od and elief in !our capailities. Things will wor) out fine. 3

Rememer >0um %onge kaamyaab ek din8 '6e s%all be
success9ul, one day). .eve stop t%i!& o putti!& &e!ui!e
si!#ee effots, si$pl% be#ause 'it :ould take a long time8.
,hi!&s "o ta3e ti$e. +tat s$all a!" &ow bi& with ti$e i!put.

So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor. So'eti'es you on!er ho is really &oor.
Those ho Share !es&ite their 'ea)er 'eans or those
ho )ra" !es&ite all their ri#hnessJ
It is 'ore i'&ortant to 0ive than to ta(e.
Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant Enri#hin) others is 'ore i'&ortant than "uil!in) a
&latfor' only for yourself.

89 Your Quest for Being Better

2C. A! Attitu"e of 6o"est% & 1u$ilit%, bi!&s
%ou #lose to Peoples heat, $a3es %ou a
L(VA-LE -EI./.
Two high income families * and B# are earning almost the same
amount. Fa$il% A is modest in their haits and dealings. The! do not
show(off# nor are lavish in their spending ut are humle and nice to
ever!one. &umilit! and 8ratitude are the virtues the! have emraced.
Because of modest haits# the! save a fi/ed amount ever! month and
live a trul! virant# satisfied# comfortale and fulfilled life. $ithin the
famil!# memers are at peace with each other. #his famil has created
peace and happiness for its members !ith humilit and gratitude.
Fa$il% -, which also ma)es almost the same amount of mone!# is
alwa!s on cloud nine of immodest! and show(off. The! are spendthrift#
alwa!s criing and tal)ing aout mone!# are mostl! tense and
stressed out. &igh on ego and arrogance# is their wa!. -ever heard or
cared aout humilit! and gratitude. 7amil! memers within# alwa!s
appear to e at war with each other. Most of the people# in the circle
the! move in# relatives and friends# do not li)e them. Because the! are
there# the! are simpl! tolerated or pretended to e respected too.
The! want to own ever!thing the! li)e. The! live a ver! ostentatious
life# ver! phon! and are past(master in up(man(ship# never hesitate to
loo) ever!one else down.
7amil! B is living a highl! unsatisfied life compared to famil! *. "n
spite of the e<ual incomes# famil! B memers are alwa!s selfish#
greed! and discontented. "nsensitive lifest!le of 7amil! B# which has
een adopted ! man! people these da!s# is the asic reason of so
much corruption# acrimon!# indiscipline# uncaring attitude# hatred#
jealous!# road rage etc. in our societ!. %f ou have, !h not flaunt it#
seems to have ecome the norm. =ne should onl! have it. $o!'
9oes not seem to matter at allC
:resent da! culture of insatiale greed and hunger for ill(gotten
wealth# materialism and conse<uent show(off has done great harm to
our social faric. 9ignit!# decenc!# honor# civic sense# values# morals#
ethics have ta)en a eating. .hamelessness and rashness prevails.
-ood! )nows# where this poisoned atmosphere will ta)e us and when
and where will it end. +nfortunatel!# ever!one is flowing with the flow
and wants to e counted in. -o one wants to e left out.
A life of humilit and modest onl can bring hope and +o to our
beleaguered societ. :ife of humilit means a balanced life !ithout
pretence. "t means considering ever!one e<ual# since we are the child
of the same 8od. Treating ever!one as !ou would li)e !ourself to e
treated. "t means# though !ou can stand tall in )nowledge and
material achievements# !ou choose to stand e<ual to others. "t means
!ou want to share the wealth and means !ou have generated# not
monopoli0e them. 8rowth and :rogress for !ou# means collective
Your Quest for Being Better 90

growth and progress# wherein ever!one is enefitted# not onl! for
an!one%s individual enefit. "t also means !ou accept others as the!
are# not as !ou want them to e.
$umilit on road !ould convert presentl treacherous ride into
pleasant road e8periences. >ver!one wants to reach their destination
in a hurr!. Ta)e the humilit! road. 8ive wa! to others to avoid
clogging of vehicles. Be a little patient and wait for !our turn. 9o not
ever jump signals. 8ive wa! to pedestrians. &on)# onl! when
asolutel! unavoidale. >ven if someone is rash and negligent# !ou e
calm and cool. Maintain prescried speed limit# dignit! and poise on
the road. +tili0e the signal stoppage time in pra!er# reathing e/ercise
or humming !our popular numers. *ove all# start a little earl! to
offset the road conditions. *ll these put together# would never let !ou
indulge in disgraceful and inhuman act of road rage.
+nfortunatel!# from a means of transport# cars and their si0e# has
ecome a means to show off wealth or social status. "nflated ego#
arrogance# loo)ing others down and up(man(ship# has ecome a wa!
resulting in rash# rec)less and unsafe driving# at times )illing other
road users. Bac) of the mind of such people# is their perceived e/alted
status. ;ou should see the faces of such owner drivers or owners
sitting on the ac) seat. +nnecessar! hon)ing# road rage# show of
temper# ausive language and giving dirt! threatening loo)s# have
ecome a norm with such people on the roads# ma)ing the roads a
ver! unpleasant and insecure place to e. *ll this happens ecause we
have lost our wa! from courtes!# humilit!# decenc! and grace.
&owsoever ad the jam ma! e# ever!one ultimatel!# reaches home.
But if !ou have een driving with humilit!# !ou will e in good mood# a
virant person to fulfill !our duties and responsiilities in !our office#
home or meetings. Man! people ma)e lots of wealth ut where
families are courteous# )ind and humle# wealth shines in the shape of
grace and dignit!. $here it is for show off and loo)ing others down#
wealth stin)sC Ma)e humilit! and gratitude a wa! of life and e/perience
their soul touching enefits.
"n spite of eing a small countr! without least natural resources#
Gapan has ecome world%s power house in industr! and econom!#
ecause Gapanese are ver! courteous# full of humilit! and respect for
their fellow citi0ens. $e need to learn from them# how a countr!# the
onl! one against whose populations in two cities# nuclear oms have
een used# )illing and maiming millions# have reached such di00!
heights in growth and development. <ecause of their bo!ing habit,
courtes, humilit and regards the sho! to!ards fello! citiCens,
sense of fair-pla and +ustice, never displaing anger or rude behavior,
bad manners or discourtes in public, the have progressed so much.
%t is because of these, the atmosphere in homes, factories, offices and
roads remains surcharged !ith vibranc and sense of purpose.
:ositive ' negative# good ' ad# happ! ' sad# win and loss# truth '
lies# rich ' poor are all part of the same life. .o the wisdom entails

91 Your Quest for Being Better

that we should not e too happ!# when we win and too disheartened# if
we lose. $e should accept ever!thing as god%s gift with humilit! and
grace and do not e/hiit emotional imalance of a child. >ver! defeat
should e accepted with grace to ma)e us more determined to win the
ne/t round. *s human eings# we have unlimited potential to create
and master goodness in this world for the enefit of ever!one# which
will automaticall!# ring great jo!# peace and happiness to us all. ;ou
will !ourself see and enjo! the difference# provided !ou spread
goodness which will automaticall! reound.
*nger# hatred and env! are our real enemies which corrode us from
within. =ur ver! nature should e altruistic# ta)ing care of others#
helping them# caring for them and sharing whatever we have# with
them. $e are trul! happ! and peaceful when we create happiness for
others# are surrounded ! smiles all around. $hen we create
goodness# we are the first eneficiar! since we have a feel of living in
liss which alwa!s results from our compassionate attitude. &umilit! is
when we develop all these positive <ualities for our enefit.
* humilit! and modest attitude and humle disposition# is li)e a
huge tree with strong roots. "t is li)e a huge uilding on strong
foundation. "n spite of the great )nowledge we might have# our
humilit!(filled ehavior# )eeps us down to earth. &umilit!# actuall!
means !ou are loved ! ever!one# who comes in contact with !ou#
deals with !ou# touches !our life. .uch an attitude would ma)e !ou
rich and satisfied oth materiall! and internall!. 3

RememerB A $o"est attitu"e of 1u$ilit%, $a3e %ou a li3eable
peso! a!" &ives %ou a! a""e" a"va!ta&e with &aphi# ise i!
%ou populait%, whi#h sees %ou thou&h $a!% "iffi#ult
situatio!s, "ie#tl% o i!"ie#tl%. 1u$ilit% a!" 6o"est% a""
&a#e, love, poise a!" "i&!it% to %ou peso!alit%.

One thin) I learn fro' life is that )ettin) UPSET !oes not hel&.
/ut alays )ettin) UP to SET thin) ri)ht, ill hel&.
$hatever you )ive to life, it )ives you "a#(. =o
not hate any"o!y. The hatre! hi#h #o'es out of
you, ill so'e!ay, #o'e "a#( to you. %ODE
OT4ERS so that %ove only #o'es "a#( to you.

Your Quest for Being Better 92

:D. 6o!e%, 6o!e%, 6o!e%KK./oo" +LAVE but
0ost 6aste. ,a3e Cae.
Mone! appears to have ta)en over the world. >ver!where mone!
seems to matter and worshipped. >ven the religious places all over the
world# where people should e treated e<uall!# have different set of
standards for affluent# not so affluent and poor. That onl! proves that
8ods# the wa! we perceive them# are the creation of human mind.
Mindoggling amounts of mone! go into the construction and
running of more and more places of worship. These places of worship
have converted human race into a unch of eggars. .ome eg
outside# others inside. =utside eggars eg alms to satisf! their
hunger and sustenance# while those who eg inside# are the real
eggars who have enough ut are not satisfied ' want more. Their
hunger is insatiale greed. The! will remain forever poor# ecause
their greed for more ' more can never e satisfied.
Mone!(affect can e seen and felt all over# in homes# usiness
places# on roads# trains# hotels# educational institutions# functions#
hospitals# ever!where. Mone! does oth good and evil to societ!. "t
does good# uilding communities when shared and put to proper use.
.ame mone! is evil and destructive when monopoli0ed# hoarded and
accumulated in an) vaults. $here ever there is shortage of mone! or
no mone!# starvation# disease# homelessness# restlessness and
illiterac! follows.
&uman mind# time and mone!# all can e put to oth good use or
aused. =ne person will share it with those not orn so luc)!# even
though he has little# while another who has much# ma! hoard and
accumulate or put it in .wiss an)s so that he ma! not have to pa!
ta/es or share it with an!one else. "n spite their huge holdings# this
second categor! dies poor in the real sense# ecause in spite of the
fact that 8od has een so )ind to them# the! have simpl! wasted a
golden opportunit! for doing good to the world. Their mone! is lost
forever in the strong rooms of .wiss an)s. "n spite of all the richness
and affluence# such people are despised and are a pitiale lot.
Mone! can e oth# !our master or slave. $hen master# it is the
mother of all what is ad in otherwise good human eings. $hen
ma)ing mone! ecomes the sole aim of e/istence# it reeds
corruption# greed# arrogance# high ego# jealous!# hate# env!#
intolerance# high e/pectations# comparison and loss of emotional
control. *t times# mone! is instrumental in losing a person%s alance#
the righteousness# sense of fair pla! and judgment. %t is same as a
ship !hich cannot move !ithout !ater. <ut the same ship !ill dro!n if
!ater enters the ship. 1imilarl, though !e need the mone to live in
todas !orld, !e have to ensure that mone does not enter our
head, corrupt it and in turn, dro!n us.
&owever# mone!# when slave# sets !ou free. "n spite of !our
richness and affluence# !ou ecome down to earth# humle# person of

93 Your Quest for Being Better

humilit!# an attractive and magnetic personalit!# caring t!pe# helpful
and )ind# a compassionate eing# dependale and trust(worth!# li)ed
! all. ;our generosit! shines. *ll these virtues elevate !ou and !our
social status. "t is onl! when mone! is put to good use directl! and
indirectl!# !ou enjo! !our wealth and mone! is oon for !ou.
Mone! must e earned through righteous means which mostl! ta)e
time. ;ou have to e patient and concentrate on !our ,)arma% or
action# while detaching from rewards. &owever# after !our asic needs
have een met# whatever e/tra mone! !ou ma)e# cannot e put to
real use and is sort of superfluous. .ince this e/tra mone! generates
more e/tra mone! through various means# rich ecome filth! rich. This
is the time when mone! should e used to earning onus points in life.
Bonus does not mean more in terms of mone!# which does not ring
an! happiness or fulfillment. Bonus is something !ou earn in )ind !
giving# ! helping or sharing or ! eing generous# which rings true
jo!# happiness and peace to life. Then peace and prosperit! co(e/ist.
$ealth# accumulated or hoarded# into/icates and reeds self(
destructive desires and haits. "t never gives real satisfaction and jo!.
=n the contrar!# a peaceful co(e/istence through accumulated jo! of
sharing# giving# helping and generosit!# rings us much closer to the
creator. *fter all# most of the wealth earned# generated or
accumulated ! us# was possile ecause we were orn in a certain
famil!# which was not in our hands. "t was through &is divine grace#
eing orn is the famil!# !ou inherited the wealth# legac! or certain
talents# which enaled !ou to earn so much wealth. *n!one orn in
that famil! could have done what !ou have done. .o# what is there to
feel so much high(nosed aout1
.ame thing is true of those who earn mone! through their talents#
such as singers# actors# pla!ers or other artists. The seeds of their
talent# are the gift of the creator to them# in their genes or
inheritance# whatever !ou call them which was not in their hands. =f
course# the! have pursued them with great effort and hard wor)# to
ecome rich and famous. But# howsoever ig the oa) tree might e# it
would not have een even there without that seed which was 8od%s
gift. This gift should never e used for personal ends# to accumulate or
generate wealth onl! for personal selfish use. Those who do that fall
on ad times# not necessaril! financiall! ut creator has wa!s to
punish such people of their misdeeds# monopoli0ing the wealth gifted.
" have )nown man! families in which the famil! patriarch (3

generation) who ma! e old now# wor)ed e/tremel! hard during his
!ounger da!s and uilt a usiness on a strong foundation. "t too) him
his entire lifetime to reach that stage where usiness is set and secure
now. Because of his commitment and dedication# mone! generated
was ploughed ac) to usiness# which is how usiness grows and
prospers. &ence# the! lived an austere life. .ince the! had wor)ed
hard for usiness to grow# sacrificing whatever the! wished or wanted#
Your Quest for Being Better 94

comforts# famil! time or avoiding purchase of most of the costl!
gadgets of which we are so much used to# now. The! )new the real
value of each rupee earned. >ven when mone! was there# the! simpl!
could not spend it on themselves or their comforts# since the! were
<uite used to austere or mone! saving wa!s of living. >ven when
mone! was availale for personal lu/uries# the! )ept their usiness
interests uppermost and chose not to indulge in lu/uries of an! )ind.
Then ne/t generation (D
generation) too) over and e/pands the
usiness. The! also put their heart and soul# wor) ver! hard and
ultimatel! reach a level where the! can afford to rela/ along with hard
wor). This generation also sacrificed a lot# to ensure continued growth
of usiness for finding a foothold. .ince this generation was financiall!
etter off than the 3
generation and had seen spare wealth for
lu/uries# the! could spend the mone! with relative ease and tried to
lift their famil!%s standing sociall! along with usiness growth.
7or 3
generation# a sa!ing comes to m! mind !hen ou have
teeth, there are no grains, but !hen ou have grains, there are no
teeth. B! wor)ing ver! hard# ta)ing enormous ris)s# finding no time
for famil! or enjo!ments which mone! could provide# the! came up
and made a strong ase for the D
generation to ta)e over. This D

generation was etter educated# also wor)ed hard (ut not that hard)#
too) calculated ris)s (since the! were much safer and had the
cushioning affect of mone! and secure ase)# could give more time for
famil! and friends# enjo!ed life with availailit! of time and mone!.
Then presentl!# the !ounger generation (P
generation) ta)es over
after ,higher studies% and professional degrees. This generation has got
ever!thing on a platter. Their ase is secure# the! are computer savv!#
infrastructure is alread! there# plent! of mone! is there# well()nown
sociall! with lots of well(healed friends. $ithout wor)ing hard#
sacrifices or ris)# the! are rolling in mone!# comforts# securit!# latest
cars and other gadgets. This generation has seen the wealth right from
the eginning# ecause the! were orn in that famil!.
B! and large# !ou will find first generation humle# full of humilit!
and down to earth ecause of the ris) and hard wor) the! had put in
to reach where the! did. .econd generation# who has also een
instrumental in growth# can e oth humle# sometimes arrogant. But#
the third generation or the ruling generation# who got ever!thing on a
platter# can e <uite arrogant# less respectful and highl! egoist. This
generation is# often# <uite high(nosed. This is what un(earned or un(
laored wealth does. "t straightwa! goes to the head and sta!s there.
Warren <uffet sa!s ?$oney does not create man. 5t is t%e man
:%o %as created money. *e#er let money rule your %ead=.
*nd in man! cases# " have seen emplo!ees who have een li)e
famil! memers with their long association with patriarch# those who
have wor)ed shoulder to shoulder with the patriarch or second
generation# eing insulted or not eing given due respect. The fact
that the! have een with the usiness and famil! and are totall! lo!al#

95 Your Quest for Being Better

must e treated with utmost respect and financial securit! must e
provided to them in ever! possile wa!. $hatever usiness%s standing
and present asset value achieved# is ecause of their untiring effort
and standing as one with first and second generation.
These are m! oservations in general though e/ceptions will alwa!s
e there. " have tried to e/plain honestl! what " have seen happening
all over. $hen we have wealth or see wealth coming# we should
alwa!s e on guard for greed# discontentment# ta/ evasion# unfair
means to procure and accumulate# high ego# arrogance etc. $e should
not ta)e the wealth and all the lu/uries and comforts it rings# for
granted. >ver!one who has wor)ed for the organi0ation or usiness to
come up to the present stage# must e provided accordingl!.
Business is done for the creation of wealth for ever!one%s enefit
and for common good and cause. $hen usiness flourishes# the fruits
must e used to improve societ!%s lot for ever!one%s prosperit! and
well eing. "f we tr! to monopoli0e the rewards of usiness towards
our own selfish ends# we are slowl! ut surel! inching towards
destruction and failure of usiness.
Because mone! provides us sustenance# it%s important that it is
distriuted fairl! so that ever!one has enough to meet the asic
necessities. "n the present setup# large segment of population feel
cheated ecause of e/isting disparities of incomes and unfair
distriution of resources# which is not a health! sign for an! societ!
loo)ing for progress and growth for all# not for the privileged few.
Ed:ard 3ibbon, a rilliant historian with great acumen for
reasoning and detail# while writing on decline and fall of )oman
;mpire, gives five reasons for the destruction of Roman >mpire of
which# thee wee $o!e% elate"I
D. ;8travagant displa of !ealth and out!ard sho!.
E. ,ro!ing disparit bet!een rich and poor.
F. 0niversal desire to live off the state.
Can !ou trace an! similarities etween then and now# what is
happening in our countr! these da!s1 9on%t thin) it can%t happen to us.
"t can# if we do not mend our wa!s ' thin)ing.
* poor man# once# wanted to e rich just ! pra!ing. .o# he pra!ed
efore 8oddess 2a)shmi# 8oddess of wealth as per &indu scriptures.
8oddess did not appear. 9isappointed# he pra!ed efore 8oddess
.araswati# 8oddess of learning# wisdom and )nowledge. 8oddess
.araswati was pleased and gave him all the three in plent!. $ith
these# he ac<uired various s)ills and earned lots of wealth and ecame
ver! rich. Then one da!# 8oddess 2a)shmi appeared. =viousl! this
gentleman was anno!ed that she had not granted what he wanted# in
spite of his pra!ers. 8oddess 2a)shmi told him ver! fran)l!# %f ou
had got !ealth !ithout kno!ledge, ou !ould have never realiCed its
true meaning and importance. =o! that ou have earned our !ealth
!ith our hard labors and kno!ledge, ou !ill use it !isel.
Your Quest for Being Better 96

Three dominant .T*8>. of life areM
T>>-*8>B %ts !hen !e have lots of time to spare and ;nerg suppl
to do anthing and everthing but unfortunatel, no mone suppl to
sustain all that !e !ant to have and do.
$=RA"-8 *8>B <oth *one and ;nerg ma be available in various
degree but, alas, =( #%*;.
=29 *8>B *one is there, mostl, in good measure. #ime is there in
plent. <ut, unfortunatel, no ;nergA

More we accumulate# more troules and relationship prolems we
are li)el! to have. *ccumulated wealth ring along with it miseries and
stin). 9iscontentment and greed alwa!s ma)e !ou feel owning less in
spite of the aundance !ou ma! have. These ma)e !ou feel fearful#
jealous# envious of even !our true friends. =ur real wealth is peace of
mind# contentment# alanced living# not superfluous living to impress
others# nor alwa!s tr!ing to compete and compare with others. Raise
!our level of thin)ing not to have monetar! e/pectations from others
and never e 8R>>9;.
* 8reed! mind is alwa!s in turmoil# never at peace. $anting more
and more# never e satisfied with what !ou have or get# it%s li)e an all(
consuming fire urning inside which has the capacit! to urn or
destro! ever!thing !ou have achieved. "f it does not urn or destro!
completel!# it undermines !our achievements and personalit!# as
others see it. Aeep wor)ing hard# )eep !our 5arma or action level at
its est and e satisfied with the results. -ever cri or cr! foul# which
will lower !our respect level in others% e!es.
<e contented !ith !hat ou have, never !ith !hat ou are.
Contentment will alwa!s ma)e !ou happ!. *lwa!s e on the loo)(out
for ma)ing !ourself a etter !ou through contentment. Man! people
have this wrong notion that if the! are contented# the! will not e ale
to accomplish much ! ecoming la0! and lethargic. "t%s their
discontentment# amitions# wanting more and more# never satisfied
with what the! have# which propels and moves them. $ell#
unfortunatel!# there is no misjudged or misinterpreted delusion than
this. Class of !our est actions or 5arma# will alwa!s get the est for
!ou. *nd class of !our actions would e est onl! when !ou are
contented# at peace ecause prosperit! and peace alwa!s co(e/ist.
* contented man is alwa!s etter li)ed ! all. &e is universall!
respected and ma)es a role model. &e is alwa!s seen as a fair# just#
rational and reasonale person. 2ift !ourself up to ecome the lord and
master of this most wonderful thing called mone!# which is there to
serve !ou as !our .2*V>. =wn as much as !ou can ut spend it
rightl!. -ever let it own !ou or ecome the master. *lwa!s e !our
own master and )ing.
*le/ander the great# on his wa! ac) from "ndia# ecame ver! ill
and )new# his time has come# in spite of his enormous looted wealth#

97 Your Quest for Being Better

resources and doctors at his command. $hile on his deathed# he
summoned all his ministers and generals and told them the wa! he
would li)e his od! to e carried and uried.
&e commanded that his bod must be carried b his o!n phsicians
and doctors for everone to kno! that !hen our time comes, none
can help ou. 1econdl, his entire funeral path must be stre!n !ith his
enormous !ealth to sho! to people that !hatever ou have or
accumulated over time, !ill be left over here onl. 7ou carr nothing
!ith ou. 7ou go as ou came. And thirdl, he !anted his hands
should remain outside the grave for people to see that even Ale8ander
the great, had to leave this !orld empt-handed.
$hen we will leave this world for our onward journe!# is uncertain.
$hatever we have accumulated# will e left here onl!. "t is alwa!s
etter that we put wealth we have earned# to good use efore we go
into the dust. 0e $ust follow phila!thopists li3e -ill /ates a!"
0ae! -uffet i! this #o!te8t, who have "o!ate" billio!s
towa"s "oi!& &oo" a!" #haities, rather than follow .teve Gos#
*pple C>=# who did not elieve in donating mone! for good causes#
died some time ac)# leaving illions which would# generate more
illions# without doing an! good to this ailing world. >ven those who
get a ig chun) of his leftover illions# will want to forget him at the
earliest. &uman race is <uite forgetful in such matters ' ungrateful. 3

RememerB 0ealth is "ouble e"&e". It #a! "o a lot &oo" as
well as lot ba". 0he! we will leave this wol", is u!#etai! but
befoe that i!evitable happe!s, "o so$e &oo", be#ause wealth
whi#h %ou have $a"e thou&h %ou i!telli&e!t ha" wo3, $ust
&ive %ou su#h etu!s, whi#h #a!!ot be ease" with "eath.
Leave a le&a#% of &oo"!ess athe tha! a la&esse, whi#h "oes
!ot a"" value to %ou !a$e. ,hee is !o o!e bette tha! 0ae!
-uffet to a"vise o! $o!e% $attes. Alwa%s e$e$be his
a"vise <$oney does not create man. 5t8s man :%o created
money. *e#er let money rule your %ead. ,on8t :aste your
money in s%o:Ao99=.

I on!er hether those of our &oliti#al 'asters ho have
"een &ut in #har)e of the !efense of the #ountry, #an
!istin)uish a 'ortar fro' 'otor, a )un fro' hoitHer, a
)uerilla fro' a )orilla, althou)h a )reat 'any rese'"le the
K3iel! <arshal Sa' <ane(sha,
Your Quest for Being Better 98

:1. If %ou have a! i"ea, si$pl% thi!3i!& about
it, wo!t help. ,a3e AC,I(., lest so$eo!e
"t%s a world of lost opportunities. $ell# not e/actl!C =pportunities
were alwa!s there# ut could not e made use of. $e consider them
lost# ecause the one who thought initiall! aout them# onl! )ept
thin)ing ut did not ta)e action. &e onl! )ept thin)ing and even made
airorne castles. "n the mean time# someone smarter# not onl!
thought aout the same thing# ut also too) action and reaped all the
enefits and profits.
This happens often. That%s wh! !ou see more failures around# than
successful people. Most people thin) and )eep thin)ing ut not acting.
* motivational guru was addressing a !oung audience on
,opportunities%. &e too) out a thousand rupee note and as)ed the
audience !ho !ants this note. Most people !elled ,% !ant%. $hen
ever!one was !elling % !ant, % !ant, a smart girl got up from her
seat# ran up to the stage and too) it from guru%s hands# cooll! went
ac) to her seat and sat down. 8uru said ne8t time ou see an
opportunit or have an idea, do not simpl think and sit back. #ake
action. )each for it and ,rab the opportunit. #hink of this action-filled
lad and the thousand rupee note.
Compare the two worlds. Toda!%s and sa! some fift! !ears ago or
earlier. =pportunities availale at that time were onl! fraction of what
the! are now. .till a man# having no earlier usiness e/perience# saw
the opportunit! in te/tile usiness and created a usiness empire out
of nothing. Toda!%s >"eliance industries8 is the result of a rainchild#
imagination coupled with action or graing opportunities and untiring
hard wor) and passion of one man# 4hiubhai A$ba!i.
$hen !ou are in the hait of graing opportunities# !ou see the
world full of opportunities# not onl! in !our line or area of e/pertise#
ut also in various other unrelated areas or fields. Then !ou can
venture into the hitherto un)nown areas and find opportunities galore.
$hen !ou loo) around# !ou will spot man! une/plored areas and fields
open for !ou. "t re<uires little daring# creativit!# little adventure and
curiosit! to venture into the un)nown. * daring and creative person is
motivated ! the desire to achieve not eat others.
,,reatest thing in life is not !here !e stand, but in !hich direction
!e are heading. 8et into the hait of thin)ing# thin)ing ig and
intelligentl!. :ut !our imagination to wor). *fter all ever!thing we see
toda!# ig or small# at one time# was small# someone%s rain(child. "t
started from his rain. .lowl!# it got ig when someone too) action
and wor)ed diligentl! ' intelligentl! hard# to ma)e it a success.
+nwritten law of the world is that initiall!# ever!thing starts small.
Those who are ig toda!# were small not ver! long ago. .ince there
are hundreds of such successful people and ventures# it will e unfair
to give one e/ample here# leaving out hundreds. ;ou !ourself )now

99 Your Quest for Being Better

and can thin) of so man! people# who saw opportunities where others
could not see and rose ig.
;ou )now onl! when !ou tr!# and with repeated attempts# tr!# tr!
and tr! again and again# till !ou succeed. >ver!thing in life starts from
a thought. Thought are the things# ma)e things and shape things
which transform into events. >ver! product !ou see or use toda!# was
conceived as a thought and converted into an idea in someone%s mind
that such a product was a possiilit!. Then onl! it was produced.
Most important and difficult thing in life is to egin. =nce eginning
has een made# things automaticall! ta)e shape. =stacles will alwa!s
e there. But if !ou are determined with a strong will to succeed# with
e/plicit faith in 8od# !ou can overcome an! ostacle. This has een
happening for ages and shall )eep happening alwa!s.
7aith here is important# which ma! not move mountains literall!# ut
gives !ou enough ph!sical and mental roustness and strength# to
overcome ever! ostacle in !our path and crossover an! numer of
mountains. (nl !hen ou leave the shore, ou can cross the ocean. "f
!ou )eep sitting in !our oat on one shore# !ou will remain there onl!.
Ma)e a eginning. &owsoever smallC 9oesn%t matterC Well begun is
half done. +nless !ou ma)e that small eginning# nothing can e
accomplished. Gust do it and leave no stone unturned in doing.
"f !ou are in the final !ear of !our studies# in whatever field# )eep
!our e!es open and mind on thin)ing and anal!0ing mode. 2oo) for
opportunities# not onl! jo opportunities ut also usiness
opportunities# oth within !our line and outside. 8od onl! provides !ou
the ingredients. Recipe has to e !ours and so also coo)ing# the
action. =nce !ou have started# have faith# it will end well. ;es# 8od
does provide the feed. But the ird has to go out of it%s nest# search
for it to get it. 7eed is not provided in the nest itself. 5eep !orking
to!ards our goal !ith unflinching Ceal, enthusiasm and intelligence.
#hats the onl !a ou !ill realiCe them. 3

RememerB 1ol% /ita, witte! about ?DDD %eas a&o, sa%s >you
be concerned :it% ?1"$1 '1ction) :%ic% is in your %ands. "est
you lea#e in 0is %ands. 0e s%all take care8. A#tio! is e<uie"
fo a!% be&i!!i!&. (!#e, %ou have be&u!, e$ai! i! a#tio!
$o"e, thi!&s will 3eep ta3i!& shape. ,hi!&s $a% ta3e ti$e but
if %ou ;ust 3eep "oi!& a#tio!, with patie!#e, faith i! 1i$, %ou
will ea#h the "esie" &oals.

%ife is li(e "a!'inton 'at#h. To in, you 'ust serve
ell, return ell, &lay #ool & re'e'"er that )a'e starts
ith %ODE A%%.
Your Quest for Being Better 100

:2. 1owsoeve, people o situatio!s t%, .EVER
let the$ "i$i!ish Y()R +ELF90(R,1.
* human resource guru was addressing a large gathering of
upcoming and eager !oungsters. &e too) out a 3FFF rupee note and
as)ed the audience ho! much is it !orth. >ver!one said )s DGGG.
Then he crumpled it in his hands and as)ed the same <uestion and got
the same repl!. &e threw it on the floor and crushing it# as)ed the
same <uestion and got the same answer# ,)s DGGG.
7inall! he counseled# +ust like this DGGG rupee note, !hose value
remains the same, !hether ou fold it, crumple it or crush it, al!as
value our self-!orth and never let it be diminished or devalued,
!hatever the circumstances. +elf belief, self estee$, self
#o!fi"e!#e o self woth ae all i!te9elate". The! all ma)e !ou a
person of sustance# an attractive and magnetic personalit!# a person
who is )ept ! ever!one# in high regard and a trustworth! person.
$hatever the provocation# he alwa!s maintains his own standard#
decorum and dignit!.
But in life# man! a situations will come# when some people or !our
detractors# will tr! to put !ou down# ,crumple or crush% !ou. 9egree of
their success in what the! want to do to !ou# will depend upon !our
mental toughness# self esteem# self confidence and self elief. These
inner <ualities and value s!stem# differentiate a winner from a loser.
The! will throw mud at !ou# critici0e !ou unfairl! or put !ou down in
man! wa!s. Man! times# !ou will feel ver! low and will e forced to
thin) !hether, is all that !orth it'. "n such situations# !ou might
contemplate even <uitting.
&ere# !ou have to have few things right. 7irst and foremost# !ou
must e convinced in !our mind that what !ou are doing or want to
do# is the right thing to do. "t does not harm an!one and is for
individual as well as collective good. $hatever !ou want to do# will
ring cheer and happiness to man!C "t is for general good and has no
selfish motive ehind it. =nce convinced aout the worthiness of !our
goal# !ou have to maintain the direction and momentum. Consider
!ourself higher and igger than the tas) in hand or goals to
accomplish. ;our efforts will ta)e shape and ear fruits.
+nfair criticism definitel! hurts ever!one. .o will it to !ou also. But
facing all that# !our courage of conviction# stands with !ou li)e a roc).
;ou must maintain !our dignit! and self respect and never ever stoop
to their level to get even with them. ;ou must )eep !our cool# temper
even and words !ou utter# as alwa!s# must e soft and tender# so that
!ou might never have to eat them. Be polite ut firm.
-egatives come naturall! to most of us. *nd one of the negatives of
human nature is# wanting to rule over others# ph!sicall!#
:s!chologicall! or emotionall!. $e have an innate desire to appear
special or superior. $hile respect is one thing we must command# we
often demand respect. This is often seen in political circles# when

101 Your Quest for Being Better

persons without merit# without e/perience# without ailit! to
understand the comple/ issues involved and aove all# lac)ing
sincerit! or competence# ecome our lord and masters as ministers.
.uch persons can never wor) for the etterment of those ecause of
whom the! have risen. The! have their selfish motives to pursue. The!
feel offended or slighted at the smallest prete/t ecause of their wea)
inner core. +nless the! shed their desire to e special over others#
the! can never reall! progress. The ego and arrogance alwa!s ta)e
over the wea)# persons with low self(worth. .trong and capale
remain alanced# aove greed and self(aggrandi0ement# never feel or
act special or superior. Because of their inherent high self(worth# the!
enjo! their ,ordinar!% eing# do not want an! special privileges or
status and enjo! eing themselves# with ever!one else.
*ll the greats of histor!# who left a mar) and whose names are
rememered ! the present generation and would e rememered !
the future generations# elonged to this class. @esus &hrist# even after
unimaginale ph!sical and mental torture# never had an! grudge in his
mind for the perpetrators. &e pra!ed for merc! towards them since
the did not kno! !hat the !ere doing. "magine how ,andhi +i
would have felt in .outh *frica# when humiliated in a first class train
compartment and thrown out# in spite of a valid tic)et. &ow Abraham
:incoln felt after each of his innumerale setac)s# ut rose to ecome
the :resident of +nited .tates. &is iggest achievement was ringing
the lood! *merican civil war to an end and eradicating slaver! from
the face of +. ecause of which it has ecome what it is toda!.
&istor! is replete with such people who stood against all odds# never
accepted defeat# never <uit# alwa!s followed their convictions and
conscience. :eople and situations tried to rea) them# the! ent# were
fle/ile ut never gave up and ultimatel!# it was the! who won# not
their detractors or tormentors. "n spite of insurmountale odds# the!
maintained their self worth and stood ! their convictions# what the!
thought was right.
"rrespective of those odds# difficulties# prolems# adversities and
temporar! defeats# their faith in 8od# self elief# self esteem# self
confidence and convictions# alwa!s stood ! them. The! never let
circumstances ta)e over. "t was the! who were in command# not the
circumstances. Come what ma!# the! never let an!one diminish their
self worth. $ith their self(worth intact# the! could achieve an!thing
the! had aspired for in life. &owsoever distant goals might have
appeared to e# the! were within reach. 3

RememerB Pesevi!& %ou self9woth a!" self9estee$ is
woth all the "iffi#ulties, poble$s, te$poa% setba#3s %ou
$i&ht have fa#e" o! %ou wa% to ulti$ate vi#to%. 0he! %ou
stubbo!l% efuse to let %ou self9woth be "i$i!ishe", %ou will
be the 0i!!e.
Your Quest for Being Better 102

::. 0e all wa!t /R(0,1 & PR(/RE++. RealiFe
the$ thou&h %ou ,ALE.,+ a!" +,RE./,1+.
8od# nature or divine# whatever !ou elieve in# has given ever!one
different talents# which are our strong points. "t is up to us to
recogni0e them# garner them and use them to the est of our own
advantage# as well for the societ!%s and countr!%s# of which we are an
integral part.
2oo) around and !ou will find different people doing different jos or
vocations. There are pla!ers pla!ing one particular game and in that
too speciali0ing in one position. 2i)ewise# there are doctors# teachers#
engineers# accountants# usiness people# farmers# drivers# artists and
the list is endless. Most of them are speciali0ing in their own field.
.ome of them are happ!# li)e whatever the! are doing# others are not.
+nhapp! people are there simpl! ecause# the! have got into the
wrong profession and now# cannot get out of it# irrespective of how
much the! want or tr!.
7irst t!pe# which are in minorit!# are mostl! those# who are pursuing
their natural talents. .econd t!pe# are generall! those who#
unfortunatel!# are not pursuing their natural talents. The! would#
perhaps# never do well in their field of activit!. The! are onl!
concerned aout ma)ing a living or the mone! the! can ma)e in their
profession. .ince the! do not reall! li)e what the! are doing# the!
never do it well and cannot grow or progress much. These are the
laming# criing t!pes alwa!s read! to find faults in others. "f !ou
anal!0e the lives of all those around !ou# !ou will find majorit! elongs
to the second categor!. -o wonder# we find less successful people and
more failures# unhapp!# tense and stressed out people.
#endulkar can at# ma)e runs# 4honi can )eep wic)ets and at#
%shant can owl fast# Ash!in can owl spinners# 1aina =eh!al can pla!
shuttle# Vish!anathan Anand can pla! chess. These are some of the
pla!ers# who are pursuing their talents. That%s wh!# the! have e/celled
in their chosen fields. 2i)ewise all successful doctors# engineers#
teachers# professionals are those who recogni0ed their talents# when
!oung# got into that particular field and are e/celling. "t%s li)e fish
ta)ing to water# while pursuing !our talents# !ou will do it well# since
!ou will put !our heart and soul in it.
Reali0e the dignit! of laor and never hesitate to do or pursue
whatever !ou are good at. .upposing !ou are fascinated ! the food#
its variet!# aroma# taste and feeling of satisfaction aout life when !ou
eat a wholesome mealC $h! not develop interest in coo)ing# which is a
vast field and ecome a chef or organi0e a food usiness. * usiness
with a small investment can e started which can grow into a ig
usiness. 9emand for good food products will alwa!s e rising and an!
food usiness done with ethics# has the potential to grow ig with hard
wor) and innovation. This is onl! one e/ample. 2i)ewise# !ou can thin)
of plent! of vocations# in which !ou can e/cel.

103 Your Quest for Being Better

"n life# more than the mone! !ou ma)e# what matters is that !ou
must get jo satisfaction. >ver! profession or vocation# ig or small# to
e a successful venture# needs something more than the mone! or
status. *nd that something is !our satisfaction# sense of achievement#
fulfillment and accomplishment. "t comes when !ou ta)e pride in what
!ou do. "t is the satisfaction after a jo well done# it is that sense of
achievement# that inner feeling that !ou have done something# 8od
had made !ou for.
These are the times of immense potential to do# whatever !ou are
good at# done with !our heart and soul# in which !ou put other%s
enefit at par with !ours# an! usiness will grow. 9o not simpl! ape
others# when it is <uestion of !our career. .impl! ecause others are
floc)ing to engineering or medical colleges or some other professional
institutions# it is not necessar! that !ou must also do the same. 9on%t
e a sheep. .pend some time with !ourself and honestl! find out what
!ou want to do. 9o that. Ma)e a small eginning and when !ou plough
it with !our heart# soul and hard wor)# things will wor) out fine.
Thin) something different. $hen !our thin)ing is same# results will
also e the same. 2ogicall!# the! cannot e an! different. 9o not ta)e
up a jo simpl! ecause others are doing the same. .tart small ut
start different# guided ! !our own talents and strengths# not what
and how others are doing. ;ou ma! never get that satisfaction or
sense of achievement eing an emplo!ee in whatever capacit! or
remuneration !ou might get# compared to pursuing an! vocation# in
which !ou are good at. 8enerating emplo!ment shall give a ig oost
to !our morale and feel good factor.
"f !ou are a parent# then it is !our dut! to guide !our child and do
not put unnecessar! pressure on the child to e/cel in the e/ams. "f he
does# fine ut if he doesn%t# do not lose hope. ,andhi @i, =elson
*andela, Abraham :incoln, 1!ami Vivekananda, Albert ;instein and
now our :rime minister Mr. -arender Modi and man! more all time
greats of histor!# were not toppers or ran) holders# still the! rose to
unimaginale heights. :arents who have gone through life themselves#
must understand and evaluate things for their children as per their
strength and talents# till children grow up and can thin) for
themselves. Topping in e/ams is no guarantee that child will e a
topper in the pla!(off of life as well# which is the long term goal in life#
not short term aim of standing first in class.
:arents must reali0e the uni<ueness and interests of their child and
help and guide them as per their strengths and talents. "t is often seen
that in their middle age# parents# ecause of their selfish high
e/pectations from children getting into some elite institution# thin) as
the ultimate achievement in life# ecause it rings adulation for the
parents and famil!. =ften such persons go aroad and settle there or
otherwise ecome totall! career or their own famil! oriented# failing in
their dut! towards their parents# who have rought them to this level
Your Quest for Being Better 104

of success. Man! parents in their old age# live a totall! deserted and
lonel! life# since their off(springs do not or are in no position to help
them e/cept for mone!# if at all the! do.
"t is not to suggest that parents should not help their child. But
parents must alwa!s )eep the total perspective in mind# not the
limited one. &ow much of our est talents have gone and settled in
+.# +A or other green pastures where without ever spending a penn!
in grooming those talents# those countries reap the est of fruits.
These -R"%s who got the est from this countr!# visit their mother
countr! just to )eep in touch ut are ever critical of things over here#
where the! were orn and rought up. This point ma! e thought over
ojectivel! efore it%s too late.
"nitiall! most of these parents feel ver! happ!# proud and satisfied
and would tell ever!one who cares to listen aout their ,children%s
achievements in those foreign lands ut as the! near the old age and
their ,children% start their own families# things ta)e totall! different
turn. .ame ,proud% parents# are left to fend for themselves in their old
age when the! need ma/imum help and support from their ,children%.
These are not random thoughts ut what we see all around us
happening in certain section of our societ!.
Through !our efforts and talents# ma)e !ourself necessar! to them
and the societ!# e/cel in whatever !ou are good at and see where !ou
go. B! doing all that# e sincere and responsile. Meet people%s needs
and ever! usiness started howsoever small# will flourish. Be fearless#
have courage# have faith# e a leader instead of a follower and
ultimatel!# do not go !here the path ma lead. ,o instead, !here
there is no path and leave a trail. 9o not let destin! ta)e !ou over#
instead !ou ta)e over the destin! and guide it. 3
RememerB ,ale!t is li3e a built9i! #oa#h. Its /o"s /ift.
,hou&h it #a!!ot be epli#ate" but #a! be "evelope" to a!%
e8te!t. All supe a#hieves pusue" thei tale!t, pusue" what
the% wee &oo" at, & ea#he" whee the% ae !ow.

I AS>E= 0O=
I as(e! for Stren)th 0o! )ave 'e =iffi#ulties to Over#o'e.
I as(e! for $is!o' 0o! )ave Pro"le's to Solve.
I as(e! for Pros&erity 0o! )ave 'e /rain to $or(.
I as(e! for Coura)e 0o! )ave 'e =an)ers to Over#o'e.
I as(e! for %ove 0o! )ave 'e Trou"le! &eo&le to 4el&.
I as(e! for 3avours 0o! )ave 'e O&&ortunities.

105 Your Quest for Being Better

:=. 6a!a&e %ou A./ER with /a#e, 4i&!it% &
Aplo$b. 4ea"ful & )&l% %ou loo3 whe! %ou
Ae A./RY.
2ife is 8od%s gift to us. $e had no sa! in it. But how we live# is up to
us. 2ife must e lived with dignit, honor and grace. But we have three
impediment to the aove three virtues. Anger, ;go, and ,reedA >ach
of these is as harmful as an! other. >ach one shows us in poor light.
7or a life as rewarding as we want# we must control these three ! a
disciplined approach# self control# tolerance and patience.
*nger# t!pe of temporar insanit# is a common ut avoidale
natural trait in most of us. *nger has not onl! to e managed ut is to
e totall! eradicated from the life of ever! successful person. *nger is
our failure to control our natural emotions or lac) of self control. 7irst
sign of unhealth! and sic) mind is *nger. Being angr! during an!
negative situation# is sure sign that there is something seriousl! wrong
with the person%s mental health and attitude. "n a wa!# when !ou are
angr!# start shouting at others or ehave in an! such unecoming
manner# !ou onl! e/pose !ourself in poor light efore others.
*ngr! people# ill or short(tempered people# are often despised or
even hated. The! ma)e poor leaders# are untrustworth!# unsatisfied
and mostl!# failures in life. 2i)e most emotions in the world# anger also
needs a response. "f we respond with love# person cools down and
serenit! prevails. But if we match anger with anger# then# a small
matter can get transformed into an unpleasant and unmanageale
situation. *ngr! response# alwa!s tend to deplete# waste and drain us
of the energ!. But when we use that energ! to respond lovingl!# we
not onl! ring harmon!# dignit! and peace to the situation# we are also
energi0ed ! 8od%s love and grace which flows through us.
*ngr! words and actions never serve an! useful purpose# since the!
set up a chain of negative reactions which# often result in rea)down
of communication. 7or e/ample# usual scenario in the morning in most
householdsC Children are getting read! for school# husand for his
wor)# lad! of the house is in the )itchen to get rea)fast and lunch
read! for ever!one or ma! e herself also has to get read! for wor).
=ver a small incident# li)e ro)en pot or spilling tea or coffee or
something else of ver! insignificant nature# which was just a mista)e
or minor negligence on someone%s part# arguments# counters and
laming starts. Reasonaleness ' love has given wa! to foolishness.
$ith fra!ed tempers# a chain reaction of events starts adl! for the
da!# with children cr!ing and oth husand and wife# shouting at each
other. >ver!one goes to wor) place highl! irritated# with agitated mind
and ma! remain that wa! throughout the da!. Though !ou feel sorr!
later for !our strong avoidale reaction ut nothing can e done now.
-ow# much later# !ou also feel# it should have een avoided. 9uring an
unsatisfactor! resentful guilt(filled da!# !ou reali0e !our fault ut# it%s
Your Quest for Being Better 106

too late for the present situation to mend ut# of course# for future#
!ou can ta)e corrective measures to avoid putting !ourself and
ever!one else in such a dreadfull! ugl! situation.
$hen !ou anal!0e such incidences of dail! occurrence# !ou will see
that the things li)e rea)ing of a pot# spilling tea or coffee on dress#
saree or pant etc.# just happen# which should e ignored and
corrective action ta)en so that ever!one gets along nicel! for the da!.
&owsoever est !ou ma! tr!# such things do happen. $e cannot avoid
such incidences and have no control over them. *t such happenings#
onl! thing we can control is ourselves. 9o it. Remain calm and cool. "f
and when such a thing happens# immediatel! thin) of the corrective
measure# which needs to e ta)en. 9ress or saree can e easil!
cleaned or changed. Bro)en article can e replaced. But if !ou lose
temper or start shouting angril!# aove chain reaction will start. B!
!our calm and serene reaction# matter ends there ut with displa! of
anger# an adverse unpleasant reaction starts.
>ach one of us can onl! control our reaction. "f our reaction had
een serene# cool or calm# children would have gone to school nicel!
fresh# same for oth husand and wife. *gain " would repeat# over
that incident# no one had an! control ut on the reaction# ever!one
had full control. Because reaction from husand or wife was negative#
it ecame an ugl! matter for ever!one for the entire da!. 1impl avoid
angr reaction. Be understanding and helpful in such situations and as
a mature person# never let the matters flare up into veral rawl over
insignificant matters. B! remaining cool and calm in such situations#
un)nowingl!# !ou have taught !our children one of the most significant
lessons for life# to remain calm and cool when things go wrong or
adversit! stri)es. Be in control# never let the situation control !ou.
=nce anger ta)es over# reasonaleness or sense of fair pla!
disappears. >ver!one ends up hurt and seeds are planted that sprout
into negative feelings. 2ater# when things have cooled down# most
li)el!# !ou will regret what !ou said and did# when anger had ta)en
!ou over. *nger egets anger# resulting into hate# env!# heart(urning
and other negative influences. 8etting angr! is li)e punishing !ourself
for others% faults.
Title of this lesson 'KK4ea"ful & )&l% %ou loo3 whe! %ou ae
a!&%K.., might have appeared offending to !ou. $hile no offence is
meant# it is asolutel! right. * person who loo)s so handsome or
eautiful otherwise# when in good mood# ecomes almost a monster or
t!rant when angr!. Victim faces two prong attac). =ne from harmless
loo)ing two inch piece of flesh without one in !our mouthC "n anger#
when we are out of our mind# we tend to sa! insulting and derogator!
things which recipient would rememer for life. &e might forgive# ut
cannot forget. +nfortunatel!# the one who sa!s those dreadful things
cannot forgive himself since he )eeps regretting having said those
things losing his emotional alance. &e ma! regret them for life. -ever
let !ourself into ugl! situations of !our own ma)ing.

107 Your Quest for Being Better

.econd attac) is the offending od! language. Mostl!# it%s not the
od! language onl! ut the dreadful facial e/pressions and threatening
od! posture. Both of them ma)e a deadl! venomous mi/ture for the
other person to rememer for life# mostl!. .o# whether it is etween
the spouses# on road while driving# etween old friends# strangers and
colleagues# with suordinates# co(wor)ers or servants# it alwa!s pa!s
to enforce restraint and self(control while dealing with others. *nger#
without fail# will alwa!s and ever! time# land !ou in troule. *nger
e/poses !ourself# !our wea)nesses# fears and vulnerailities
But words once said# lost time and opportunities cannot e
retrieved. $hen !oung# " used to lose temper ver! easil! over nothing#
speciall! when " came out of arm! and was tr!ing to resettle in civil
life. >ven after so man! !ears# " feel sorr! aout few instances. Those
who got it from me# might have forgotten or forgiven me long ago# ut
" cannot ut feel sorr! till date though decades are over. :erpetuator
of anger can onl! wish he had never said what he did ut words once
out# li)e an arrow# cannot e recalled. The! do the damage#
sometimes intended ut mostl! unintended.
*nger induces various health prolems ecause of the agitated
mind. .leeplessness# h!pertension# depression and digestive prolems
often result. +npredictale situations ma! result in no time ecause
anger just happens without warning mostl!. 2evel of fur! and e/tent of
damage done to the relationship# can never e predicted. .ant Rahim
had put it eautifull! in a &indi verse five hundred !ears ago# do not
break the thread of love instantl. (nce it breaks, it cannot be +oined.
;ven if ou tie it, knot !ill al!as be there, e/plains it all. &ence# it is
etter to control the temperament of negativit!# right from the
eginning. "f !ou see such traits in !our child# nip them in the ud
now# for his etter future.
&ow est to control this negative and e/tremel! harmful emotion1
<oth e8pression and suppression dont !ork. $hen tried# oth can
create havoc with the ps!che. 0hat wo3s is habit of 3eepi!& a
#ool te$pea$e!t, $atue "ispositio!, tust a!" faith i! /o"
a!" 1is "oi!&s, patie!#e a!" fobeaa!#e. A"opt a! attitu"e of
/atitu"e towa"s /o" a!" othes, spea" &oo"!ess a!" love.
/e!eate hu$ilit%, tolea!#e a!" u!"esta!"i!&. $hen !ou
practice all these things# !ou will !ourself feel an evolved and elevated
person and consider anger and angr! people elonging to lower levels
of humanit! from which !ou have alread! graduated.
Tr! forgiveness and acceptance of others% personalit!. +nderstand
that ever!one is different and have their own mind and wa!s to thin).
Thin)ing often clashes ut if !ou develop a controlled tolerant attitude#
things improve and when !ou start seeing the enefits of a calm and
cool disposition# !ou can wor) vigorousl! towards improvement.
9eveloping a patient disposition through practice in all matters# is a
strong antidote to anger. $hen !ou feel the anger rising within !ou#
Your Quest for Being Better 108

dee! breat%ing helps. *an times, a mi;ture o9 !atience,
calmness, 4ause and dee! breat%ing, bring desirable results
and %el! you sa#e or a#oid getting into 9oul situations. $ith little
practice# it is possile to achieve cool and calm disposition in all
matters and relationships# to avoid unpleasant stress(full situations.
Comination of !oga# regular ph!sical activit!# meditation# eating
health!# avoiding jun) foods# developing meaningful relationships ut
avoiding people and situations !ou cannot stand# are some must do
things to live an anger(free life of grace# tran<uilit! and dignit!. 8et
into the hait of self(control# tolerance# patience and forgiveness.
*nger cannot cohait with these human virtues. More !ou practice
these virtues# more anger(free !ou will e. Both anger ' compassion
are energies. :ractice e/changing them mentall! which will help.
*nger can e compared to hammering nails in wood. The! have
unlimited capacit! to hurt the recipient and dig deep. >ven when !ou
apologi0e or otherwise patch up# take out the nails%# deep scars
remain. 9amage done ! our two inch piece of flesh# can e
immeasurale and can have long term adverse affects. *nger is a
feeling that ma)es !our mouth wor) faster than !our mind. Chinese
provers provide us unparalleled wisdom during such times# when
anger tries to ta)e !ou over %f ou are patient in times of A=,;), ou
!ill escape a hundred das of sorro!.
*mong the man! cases of how anger can hurt# " )now of one case
aout fifteen !ears ago# wherein owner of a uilding# almost got it
vacated from the tenant ut when almost ever!thing was settled#
owner lost his temper unnecessaril! and an argument ensued etween
the owner and tenant over a pett! insulting remar) owner made in
anger to the tenant. This momentar! loss of emotional alance from
the owner# put off the tenant so much that he would not accept an!
apolog! and simpl! told the owner to go to court# and wal)ed off. "t
too) the owner twelve !ears of legal attle and over twent! lacs# in
avoidale sundr! e/penses. Total direct and indirect loss might have
een in crores. * little restrain from owner%s side# displa! of calm and
cool temperament at the opportune moment# would have settled the
whole sordid episode# satisf!ing oth sides honoral!.
*nger# rage# fur!# show of impatience and intolerance of one person
in histor!# has done lots of good to this word# that we are living in a
free world toda!. Man! reasons are given in histor! for the loss of */is
powers# led ! 8erman dictator# A"olf 1itle, to *llied 7orces in the
.econd $orld $ar. But# one of the foremost reason was &itler%s anger#
intolerance ' rage during the later !ears of war# when 8erman
offences were repulsed ! *llied forces.
"n wars# ups and downs are alwa!s there ut managed ! patient#
calm and cool militar! minds# which 8erman! had in plent!. 8erman!#
under *dolf &itler# had created an almost indestructile and invincile
war machine# which# if had een handled ! calm and cool minds#
might have won(over the whole world# ojective which &itler had set

109 Your Quest for Being Better

upon to achieve. $orld as we see it toda!# might have een ver!
different# had he een successful in achieving what he had set out to
achieve. Then# what failed him1 *nswer is simpleM &". *-8>R.
&itler had complete control over the war machine which he had
created. But# it re<uired an anger(free# patient# calm# cool and tolerant
leader to control# guide and command it. "t re<uired a good listener
and a team leader. The! had a rilliant set of generals# air marshals
and admirals with totall! committed and dedicated arm!# air force and
nav!. Man! war films of those decisive times# which " have witnessed#
show &itler in good mood as long as going was good.
But fortunatel! for the free world we live in toda!# &itler was full of
rage# anger# impatience and intolerance# when news from the fronts
started getting ad. &e would lose temper# threw tantrums and used
to ecome mindlessl! angr! with rage at his generals# who ecame
petrified of his anger and fur!. -o one dared to give him the ad ut
correct picture# ecause of his unpredictale ruthlessness. To get rid of
him# his own generals made an assassination attempt on his life ut
unfortunatel! for them# it failed miseral! and he too) his revenge on
them e/ecuting all the generals he had suspected of conniving.
&ad there een an even tempered# patient# cool and calm leader to
control the 8erman war machine# we cannot imagine what condition of
present da! world might have een. Though it%s all h!pothetical# we
must learn our lessons from histor! and endeavor to ma)e this world a
etter place not onl! for ourselves and our families ut for ever!one
connected with us. =nl! then# things can improve in our homes and
surroundings. *nger has done and will )eep doing irreparale harm to
us# when we do not control it.
*nger is mind(generated and human mind is )nown to have great
resilience. Mind through resilience# pla!s major role in anger(control or
rather controlling !ourself. $hen !ou feel the anger oiling over within
!ou# just close !our mind and stop thin)ing of an!thing or just start
pra!ing. "n other words# it means !ou create a void within !our mind
and remain silent for few moments. ;our nerves will automaticall!
soothe down paving wa! for tran<uilit! and serenit!. ;our resilient
mind which had ecome volatile# cools down oth !our ph!sical as well
as mental faculties. >cho of silence has ultimatel! wor)ed and has
made !ou the master of the situation ! controlling !our anger. >cho
of silence has saved !ou from eing a slave of !our anger. "n life# it%s
alwa!s person with cool ' calm temperament# who wins.
"f !ou develop a )ind and compassionate temperament# it also helps
!ou to sta! clear of man! ugl! and unwanted situations to inch
towards !our goal of achieving serenit!# tran<uilit! and real jo! in life.
:erseverance and commitment to e a etter human eing and to
ecome a more mature# alanced person of sustance to reali0e !our
amitions and goals in life# are real enefits. Because# unless# !ou
control !our anger# enforce self control through self discipline# !ou can
Your Quest for Being Better 110

never e the person !ou want to e in life. +ltimatel!# it%s change what
!ou can and *CC>:T what !ou cannot# wor)s fine. 3

RememerB A!&e huts !o o!e else as $u#h as it huts %ou.
1ol"i!& o! to A!&e is li3e &aspi!& a bu!i!& #oal with the
i!te!t of thowi!& it at so$eo!e elseI %ou ae the o!e who will
&et bu!e". ,o #ou!te A!&e, a! Attitu"e of /atitu"e,
1u$ilit%, ,olea!#e, Patie!#e, Fobeaa!#e a!" )!"esta!"i!&
wo3s best.

E=UCATION is hat re'ains after one has for)otten
hat one has learnt at s#hool. 111..Al"ert Einstein.

:?. 6o!e% -oowi!&9Le!"i!&E CaefulE Lest
>.uy no:, 4ay 2ater8 be#o$es, >4ay *o: or
Face t%e Conse@uences8.
>M"# Borrowings# Credit cards or 2oans# have ecome common
terminolog! these da!s. Most people thin) Borrowings or 2oans are
eas! mone! for enjo!ing things efore !ou have earned them. .uch
contagious thin)ing is ecoming more and more common with our
!oung people# who are itching to enjo! ever!thing# whatever life has
to offer# without earning. +nfortunatel!# this attitude is ver! negative
and reeds much tension# turmoil# stress and fear in life. Constant
worr! and stress ecomes their constant companion.
&ave !ou ever oserved a lender and orrower together1 $ho is
naturall! on a high and who loo)s li)e a servant1 .upposing# in a part!
a orrower is having a good time and suddenl!# lender wal)s in. $hat
is the internal reaction of the orrower1 Ma! e# to run awa!C .o#
unless in e/treme duress# never orrow# speciall! for unnecessar!
things and lu/ur! items. -ever compare# never feel small with !our
small car or two wheeler# small house or unranded clothes. Retain
!our individualit!# remain !our own master# rather than e slave to
others% view of !ou. Ta)e pride in whatever !ou are# !our standard of
living# !our house# !our car or two(wheeler and all that is !ours# !our
e/clusive domain. -ever let others trespass !our e/clusive domain.
0ae! -uffet# who is the second richest man in the world toda!#
advises# 9#ake pride in ourself and our !as. 4o not ape others.
4ont bu more than !hat ou reall need. &hoose a simple, smarter
!a to live. <ig car, big house or an adopted lifestle, do not add
value to our personalit or status. 4ont !aste our mone on
unnecessar things or for sho!ing-off. %ts our life, !h give chance
to others to rule over it. 4ont go for e8pensive brands. %nstead, ,o for

111 Your Quest for Being Better

value-based purchases2. $hen !ou have mone!# resist the temptation
of showing off ' vulgar displa!. Cheap people do that.
9o not e a compulsive u!er# who u!s things on the spur of the
moment# things !ou want ut don%t reall! need. :leasures !ou derive
owning such things are alwa!s fleeting ut pa!ing for them through
!our nose# is real pain. *lwa!s save a fi/ed amount ever! month. 9o
not ever compare with others# nor let them. "f ! chance# !ou are in
the compan! of such people where comparisons and mental
evaluations are a done thing# shun that compan! without a second
thought. There is no dearth of etter# more amiale# caring and
interesting people around.
2uring and hone!(la!ered calls !ou get from an)s for availing
various loans# will e the thing of the past# as soon as the loan
documents are signed. =nce the repa!ment starts and dela! happens#
ecause of some unforeseen circumstances# which can e there
aplent!# !ou have to face the music. "f !ou thought !ou can have a
revolving account to tide over the small mess !ou have created for
!ourself to start with# which amounts to ta)ing another loan to pa! the
earlier one# is nothing ut invitation for creating igger mess or
inviting disaster. $hen going is good# people will vie to ecome
friendl! ut most of them are fair !eather friends, good onl! for the
parties or celerating events. 8od forids# when !ou have prolems#
the! cannot e seen or will more important things to do. These people
are ver! practical indeed who will )now when the ship is sin)ing and
li)e rats# nothing good will come off it an! more or for the time eing.
.o# aout the loans# calls for s<uaring off the loans# which were so
sweet initiall!# turn out more and more sinister as the tone of the
caller to pa! off the loan without dela!# hardens. .ame mild and
courteous tone efore the disursement of loan# with dela! in
pa!ments# turns rude# discourteous# insulting and threatening as the
time passes# till entire dues are paid off# sometimes# even through
!our nose. -ever swap !our self( respect for fleeting pleasures or just
to impress others and landing !ourself in financial mess.
B! the time !ou start earning# !ou should also ecome smart
enough to manage !our finances astutel!. 9o get a credit card ut use
it sparingl! for convenience# not for impulsive u!ing. Mone! is !our
ultimate friend in life# !our iggest securit! and care(ta)er. "t can help
!ou a great deal ut onl! when !ou have it in hand or on call# when
!ou do not owe it to an!one. 9on%t ever e without mone! ecause
impulsivel!# !ou spent it earlier on things !ou reall! did not need or
just lew it off. &osting functions# dinners or other such events at
heav! cost to impress others# are a futile e/ercise with doutful
returns. $hen going out with a group of friends or families# alwa!s e
fair and insist for ,dutch%# ever!one sharing the e/penses e<uall!.
$hen eing invited for dinner# offer ,pot luck%# carr!ing a home(made
Your Quest for Being Better 112

dish. 7eel no hesitation in sharing the e/penses or laors# which will
enhance !our status and respect in others% mind.
+. is the world leader toda! in almost ever! sphere. &ence# people
ape *merican wa!s. $orld%s economic meltdown or recession is
ecause of one single factor# *merican hait of spending more than
the! earn and efore the! earn. *merican econom! sustains on waste.
"f all the seven illion citi0ens of the world were to adopt *merican
wa!s of spending or ape *merican wa! of life# we shall need four more
planets of the si0e of mother earth to sustain ever!one. .o# let%s e
realists and ape their good haits not the ad ones which will e
disastrous for ever!one else in the world.
$e should get into the hait of spending less or saving more# not
onl! the mone! ut also water# energ!# paper# fossil fuels etc. More we
spend# more we u!# more has to e produced to meet the demand.
Conse<uentl! more of water# energ!# paper and fuels will e
consumed. More gloal warming and its harmful effects# we or our
children or their children# shall have to face. Means less we leave for
our children. $orld resources are depleting fast. B! spending more
and unnecessaril! or consuming things wastefull!# we accelerate that
process for the detriment of our future generations.
$e should also learn a few things aout mone!# earl! in life. $hen
!ou have mone!# !ou should ecome mone!(wise. ;ou should neither
e miser or spendthrift with !our mone!. &ave correct perspective of
mone! without which# in spite of !our achievements# !ou will alwa!s
feel li)e a failure. ;ou will alwa!s lac) self(elief and self(confidence.
$ithout correct perspective of mone!# life will e a losing attle.
=ever let ,);;4 takeover our !ise +udgment. More than an!thing#
!ou need to feel fulfilled and satisfied in life. >ven when !ou float in
aundance# overpowering greed never lets !ou. 8reed! people and
families can e spotted easil!. The! are disli)ed and detested
universall!. Moreover# greed is one factor# which can destro! !our
entire life%s achievements. There is no little or more aout greed# since
it is insatiale. 8reed ma)es !ou heartless# selfish# self(centered#
cunning# unreasonale# Gealous ' envious.
.ave a fi/ed amount regularl!# not what is left out# ut spend onl!
what is availale after saving that fi/ed amount. *nd most importantC
"nvest it wisel! and diversel!. 9o not ma)e ris)! investments# which
options are availale aplent! these da!s. -ever e lured into putting
!our hard(earned mone!# in wea) ut lucrative(loo)ing investments
with higher returns or interest rates. "f !ou happen to lose mone! in
such investments# !ou not onl! lose mone!# !ou lose face as well#
coupled with loss of confidence and hope.
.imple guideline is# higher rate of interest or gains# higher the ris).
.o# for ma)ing EH e/tra# do not ris) !our 3FFH. $ith scams#
corruption# eme00lement# mone! laundering# fraudsters ruling the
newspapers and maga0ines most of the time these da!s# etter read
financial pages and investment guides for financial )nowledge ut

113 Your Quest for Being Better

never compromise on the safet! and securit! of !our mone!. .ince
most highs and lows in life are with the read! mone!# e mone!(wise.
There will e man! financial companies# innovative schemes# chit
funds# wea) an)s offering !ou higher returns. 2earn from past. Man!
such companies li)e Tea) :lantations# >mu farms# chit funds and
realit! companies will ma)e ver! attractive offers through innocent
loo)ing attractive ads and their agents# wine and dine parties. "nitiall!#
to loo) genuine# the! shall even pa! ac) small amounts. But
ultimatel!# the! shall run awa! with mone! or swindle# with gullile
investors left with worthless papers and receipts.
*s a responsile and caring citi0en# it is !our dut! not onl! to save
!ourself from such fraudsters# ut also to educate and advise poor
people in !our neighorhood# who are worst hit. These gullile people
might put their whole life%s savings in such ,attractive% and ,lucrative%
loo)ing investment schemes run ! the fraudsters. Cautioning !our
maids or emplo!ees aout such companies and schemes# will e a ig
social service !ou can do.
;ou ma! give mone! for good causes# help others whenever and
where ever !ou can# e generous aout giving(sharing(helping ut
never lend the mone. 9ifference in giving and lending is that when
!ou give# !ou just give to feel good and do not e/pect it ac) ut
when !ou lend# !ou would e/pect it ac)# which !ou ma! or ma! not
get ac). .o# never lend it to !our friends or give the mone! on loan
on high rate of interest# ecause !ou ma! e disappointed# when !ou
as) !our mone! to e returned. &elp ut don%t lend.
$hen !ou lend mone! to a friend# !ou ma! not onl! lose !our good
mone! ut also a good friend. .ome friends are in the hait of as)ing
mone!. .hun them or the mone! the! owed !ou. 7riendship is
etween the e<uals and if a friend is in the hait of as)ing mone!# he
is not !our e<ual. 8et rid of him. $hen !ou lose mone! this wa!# it
also generates negativit!# loss of peace of mind ' self confidence#
feeling of helplessness and self(dout. $h! invite negativit! when
there is asolutel! no need.
.pending !our own real mone! onl!# gives !ou lots of comfort and
confidence. ;ou will have mone! in hand onl! when !ou spend less
than !ou earn. Mone! in hand provides !ou peace of mind to
concentrate on other areas of growth. "f !our e/penses are more than
!our earnings# !ou will alwa!s e under stress# under duress. 2earn to
manage mone! earl! so that !ou can enjo! it. 3
RememerB Its bette to have less but %ou ow! $o!e%. 0he!
%ou ae shot, $a!a&e %ou !ee"s without esoti!& to
boowi!& o ta3i!& loa!s. Feel of +u##ess is $oe i$pota!t
tha! the +u##ess itself. ,hat feel #o$es whe! %ou have $o!e%
ea"% with %ou a!" %ou "o !ot owe it to a!%o!e. .eve bu%
thi!&s o! i$pulse. .eve allow %ouself to be tappe" with >buy
no: !ay later8 slo&a! whi#h a$ou!ts to #heati!& %ouself.
Your Quest for Being Better 114

:@. 6ost A&u$e!ts ae u!!e#essa%. 6oe
a&u$e!ts %ou wi!, few Fie!"s %ou will have.
AV(I4 AR/)6E.,+.
Time is the most precious commodit! in our lives. "n whatever
activit! we devote time# it flourishes. =n the contrar!# whatever time
is wasted# is wasted forever and cannot e retrieved. Those who ma)e
good use of time# are successful# while those who do not use their time
well# are failure. &ow !ou use the time in !our hand# ma! e the
difference etween .uccess and 7ailure.
Trillions of hours the world over# are wasted ever! da! in useless#
uncalled for# fruitless and unwarranted arguments. Most of these
arguments are unnecessar! ut we indulge in them# all the same# just
for the hec) of it. There are some persons who are haituall!
argumentative. 7or an!thing right or wrong# the! must argue# which
mostl! generate ad will# heightened tension and stress for all. 8ains
are nil# losses are heav!. >ven if !ou win such unnecessar! and
avoidale arguments# it%s loss all the wa!. ;ou ma! win the argument
ut lose the person forever.
Gust anal!0e the goings on around !ou# for some of which long time(
consuming arguments are there. $ere all those arguments and
resultant heat generated# was necessar! at all1 9id !ou get desired
result1 ,-=%# in most of such casesC =nl! avoidale heart urning#
jealous! or someone definitel! feels let down. Benefit( -il. =n the
other hand# a smile is onl! what !ou need to win over people# ecause
people who relentlessl! argue with !ou# cannot ear !our silence.
2ife is for enjo!ment of friendship# relationships# good compan!#
cooperation# fruits of !our laor and hard wor). 2ife has a igger
meaning for all of us and is not for indulging in trivialities# inflamed
passions and losing temper over. +nfortunatel!# when we have
arguments after arguments over insignificant matters# whole
atmosphere ecomes full of antipath! and hostilit! for nothing. "t%s
mostl! the >go factor or up(man(ship# which fuels antagonism. 9o not
forget that when ego comes in# lots of things li)e courtes!# love#
politeness# respect and regard for each other# which normall! mean so
much to all of us and ma)e our life livale and palatale# e/its. Choice
is not difficult for !ou to ma)e. 9o !ou want to win the argument at
an! cost and antagoni0e !our loved ones or let it go.
Most of the people are fond of having the last word. 2et them. &ow
does it matter1 2et them have the feel of a winner and e happ!.
9erive happiness from their happiness which is much etter for !ou#
than to have a morose spouse or friend around. 9on%t let !our ego
come in the wa!. "f !ou learn this lesson well in life# !ou are paving
the wa! for a lissfull! peaceful e/istence not onl! for !ou ut for
ever!one connected with !ou. &eaven or hell is onl! imaginar!. "n
realit!# if !ou lose an argument# !ou will live in perpetual paradise.

115 Your Quest for Being Better

Gust thin) over. Ta)e the lead. -ever indulge in unnecessar! and
avoidale arguments. $hether it is !our spouse# friend# associate or
customer# it is etter to lose an argument to win them over. "n last
fort! !ears of doing usiness# " have seen and met man! sales people#
who were )een to win unnecessar! arguments ut lost good customers
in the argain. The customers felt hurt# slighted and let down ! their
eagerness to prove themselves right# resulting in non(cooperation and
stoppage of !ears of patronage cultivated ! hard laor. 3

RememerB Life offes %ou i!!u$eable #hoi#es. 1ee the
#hoi#e will be, whethe to wi! a! i!si&!ifi#a!t a&u$e!t o wi!
the peso!. 4o !ot hesitate to "o the late, alwa%s a!" eve%
ti$e. /et ove the te$ptatio! of havi!& the last wo".

=oin) 0oo! to others is not a !uty.
It is a 2O., for it in#reases your on 4ealth an! 4a&&iness.
0et all the s'all thin)s of your life ri)ht. /i) thin)s ill )et into
&la#e auto'ati#ally.

:A. ,hi!3i!& of a /IF,> ,hi!3 ha" but
Pa#ti#al, befoe "e#i"i!& about.
$e often receive invitations for wedding receptions# house warming
ceremonies# irth(da!s# new venture openings or man! other
functions. $e immediatel! start thin)ing of an appropriate gift without
which# we feel# it will not e right to attend the function. Mostl!#
tension starts mounting with the first information report# that a
function has to e attended and a suitale gift has to e given.
9uring such functions# !ou will find a ig pile of assorted gifts with
the host# l!ing almost as ,trash% in the street. =f course# cash can e
used ut we must first e/amine the pile of trash%. =nl! in rare cases#
DFH items from the ,pile% are usale in some form# ut other aout
KFH# will e totall! useless in the form of unfit and old fashioned
clothes and sundr! articles# some loo)ing old and used# too ig or too
small. Most of them are just ,passed on% t!pes. >ven out of the first
DFH# !ou might li)e to use onl! DFH of them which ma)es them just
aout EH falling in usale or li)eale categor!. *out 4EH or so# are
just waste and useless for !ou. ;ou would never have ought them
with !our own mone!.
-ow come to the gift of flowers or ou<uets. The person for whom
!ou have got them made so lovingl!# mostl! does not even loo) at
them. The! are simpl! handed over to the person ne/t# standing for
Your Quest for Being Better 116

this purpose and ultimatel!# thrown in another pile of real trash l!ing
near!. Recipient does not even carr! them home# since the! are not
worth the effort. >ither the! are thrown out as garage or as in
Mumai# !ou will see them eing sold ne/t da! morning at most of
the traffic signals at throw awa! prices ! eggars and haw)ers.
$ell# this is generall! what happens# though e/ceptions ma! alwa!s
e there. Mind !ou# these gifts whether the! are used# left in the ,pile%
or thrown awa!# cost a lot of mone!. *nd if !ou calculate# total will e
staggering amount ut wasted almost completel!. " thin) in ever!
house# these gifts )eep l!ing in a corner in the store and are mostl!
never used and some of them are not even worth ,passing on. $h!
not use this staggering amount for doing good and earn someone%s
goodwill1 $h! ecome an oject of hidden ridicule in !our lovale
group of friends1 $h! not do something innovative1
"n fact# with cost of such functions touching s)!(high# no one is )een
for receiving such ,trash% gifts or cash# e/cept small children on their
%da!s. $ill it not e respectale and graceful that =o gift, please is
mentioned on the invitation cards1 $h! can%t we e more dignified1 B!
not writing these words on the invitation card# we are inviting trash
into our homes# which costs lots of mone!. $h! appear so greed!1
Gust sa! a graceful ,-=% to gifts1 $h! not let the mone! spent on
u!ing useless gifts# e used in a etter# more graceful and dignified
manner# without appearing greed!1
$h! not give an option of P(5 charities for the guests for whom
che<ues can e made or cash received on their ehalf. Then# hand
over cash and che<ues to the charities with dignit!. This shall also get
the lessings from additional eneficiaries# who reall! need help. .uch
occasions will e rememered ! man! people speciall!# those for
whose good# mone! is used. This can onl! e done ! real affective
leaders li)e !ou# not ! followers of rotten traditions.
+nfortunatel!# right from childhood# we ecome conditioned to
receive gifts on different festivals or happ! occasions. This hait# in
later stages of life# gives wa! to two worst )ind of vanities in human
eings i.e. ;8pectations and &omparisons. $henever an! ,occasion% is
there# !ou e/pect a ,suitale% gift. *s gifts are received# our mind goes
on the evaluating and comparison mode. *t the ac) of our mind is
the perceived notion that the one who has given a costl! gift# loves or
cares more than the one who has given cheaper stuff or lesser cash.
This is a fault! and misleading notion. This life itself is a gift !ou got
from !our mother. 9id she e/pect an!thing in return1
This ,gift% mindset full of greed# is most ostensile during marriages#
when most of the people connected# are either thin)ing aout giving
gifts as descried aove# or worst )ind of receiving gift# which is
8R>*T "-9"*- 9=$R; M>-*C># which has led to so much waste of
mone! in showing(off# further leading to man! of our social evils
including ride(urning and dowr! harassment. There is no other
activit! $oe "e$ea!i!& tha! the &ee"% a##epta!#e of #ash

117 Your Quest for Being Better

a!" 3i!" of otte! ol" ta"itio!al $i!"set of bo%s si"e whi#h
has bou&ht so $u#h pai! a!" $ise% to so man! families. :eople
with modern mindset must rise against such despicale traditions.
But have !ou ever considered gifting time or +ust being there as
gifts. .ounds unusual ut ver! practical# indeedC 9uring these da!s#
when ever!one seems to e hurried# harried or hassled# if !ou can
spare some of !our time to peacefull! tal) to someone or etter still#
listen to someone and spend some <ualit! time with the famil!. .uch
gifts are never wasted and add to !our own feel good factor. @ust
being there means to surprise someone with !our presence rather
than with an unwanted useless material gift. These da!s# when
ever!one seems to have what one needs# ,+ust be there when the!
need !ou and enlighten# righten or enliven the atmosphere with !our
une/pected presence.
$ell# when !ou spend lacs or crores on a function# " am sure if#
through !our goodness# some under(privileged are enefitted# !ou
would li)e to do it. That is how !ou can spread goodness. "t loo)s
cheap# when !ou are capale of spending lacs during such functions
ut collecting cash(filled envelops in return from !our guests. #hrough
ou, some hungr !ill eat, need can be clothed or a child educated or
someone some!here can be medicall treated and life saved. @ust set
an e8ample. *an !ill follo! " more good !ill be done through ou. 3

RememerB -% efusi!& to a##ept &ifts i! #ash o 3i!", %ou ae
$otivati!& othes a!" &ivi!& a lea" i! spea"i!& &oo"!ess.
0he! %ou "o &oo" o spea" &oo"!ess, o!l% &oo" happe!s to
%ou a!" %ou fa$il%. '7a -hala, 1o -hala, whi#h $ea!s whe!
%ou "o &oo", o!l% &oo" will happe! to %ou.

SUCCESS is 0ettin) hat you ant.
4APPINESS is %i(in) hat you 0et.

:B. AC,I(.M7AR6A -i!&s /lo% & +u##ess. -e
"eta#he" fo$ the esults. Co!#e!tate o!
"t is onl! when we reali0e our goals in life# we feel fulfilled and
satisfied. Most of us have to toil hard to reach a reasonale level of
financial goals and status level. $e have to traverse a long path
which# understandal!# might have ta)en a long time or !ou might still
e in the process. "t is m! conviction that if !ou do not enjo! treading
the path# the struggle# the action# !ou have missed most of the
enjo!ment. "f !ou have not enjo!ed the action mode trul!# it is difficult
to enjo! the resultsIawards as and when the! come.
Your Quest for Being Better 118

#his brings us to the central theme of <hag!ad ,ita,, giving us
practical guidelines to faithful and enlightened living. ,ita guides us to
concentrate on action, !ithout getting mi8ed up !ith disturbing
thoughts of results and re!ards. 7ou have the right to !ork but never
to the fruit of !ork, 5rishna tells Ar+un, !ho stood !avering on the
battlefield of 5urukshetra, reluctant to kill his kith and kin, !hich !as
his prime dut as a !arrior on the battlefield.
:ractical wisdom on life dictates us that since result ma! e
negative also# if )ept that in mind while we do our Aarma or action# we
would never e ale to put in our est. 'Co!#e!tatio! is one of the
si/teen laws of success as per .apoleo! 1ill. Thin)ing of rewards#
we can never concentrate on action# purit! and class of which# would
onl! determine the class of results and rewards.
$e live in a comple/ world toda!. Mone! and mindless pursuit of
materialism for our own selfish ends# has ta)en our societ! to the
lowest moral e une/pected or unforeseen earlier. &uman values and
morals have een thrown to the dust. *ccess to endless "nformation#
ceaseless advent of mindoggling technological innovations# endless
challenges# have ta)en heav! toll on peaceful co(e/istence and
harmon!# on which we must live our life.
"n such a situation# we must enjo! the journe! which is action or
5arma# more than the rewards. "f the mind is constantl! osessed with
overwhelming thoughts of success or failure# victor! or defeat# gain or
loss# it saotages one%s efforts towards achieving worth! goals# which
are eing pursued. &appiness must e found along the wa!# not onl!
at the end of the road. *ction in the form of intelligent effort in the
right direction# must inspire and motivate us as much as achieving
results and goals.
$e all )now that we have control over a few things in our lives. Most
things just happen and we have to ear with them. "t is said that we
must ma)e things happen# rather than just see things happen. 7or
ma)ing things happen# class of our action has to e ver! high# which is
possile onl! when we concentrate on action and never let our actions
e mi/ed up with the thoughts of rewards# victor!# success or failures.
*ll actions are controlled and guided ! our mind which is our force
multiplier. =nl! when mind is concentrating on action# est can e
&uman mind can onl! thin) one thing at a time. ;ou can have onl!
one thought which originates from our mind which can then# turn into
ph!sical action. "f we mi/ two things in our mind# li)e oth action and
rewards# est rewards# simpl!# are not possile. -o wonder# we find
innumerale mediocre people all around us.
>ver!one including this author recommends living in the :resent.
2earn from the past# stop worr!ing aout the future which is not in
!our hand# is recommended. Then what aout setting goals in life#
which are alwa!s in the future1 $hether short or long term# lot of time
is spent in the journe!C +ps and downs are a wa! of life. "t ma! e a

119 Your Quest for Being Better

long time efore !ou reach !our coveted goal. 9uring the journe!#
man! times# !ou might thin) that goals which !ou set so longingl!# are
difficult to achieve# which ma! set in despondenc!# hopelessness#
dejection# frustration or gloom# affecting !our efficienc! and <ualit! of
action# which ma! further reduce chances of achieving goals. +nder
the circumstances# is it not etter to concentrate on !our ,5armas and
put in !our ver! est without infringements and distractions of !our
attention thin)ing aout the rewards and gains.
*ll energies# 2"8&T# $"-9# $*T>R =R &+M*- M"-9# gain power
onl! when these are focused or directional. =nl! when human mind is
focused# it gains power. .ame thoughts meandering in different
directions# lose much of their power# resulting in mediocre output. 3

RememerB -est ewa"s #o$e fo$ a#tio!s of a! u!9fe!Fie"
$i!", a $i!" whi#h is fee of woies of the past o a!8ieties of
the futue. A $i!" whi#h is i! #o$plete #o!tol of itself a!" is
#o$pletel% fee to thi!3 a!" a#t, is the i&ht $i!". Alwa%s let
%ou a#tio!s be pue a!" #lea, !eve letti!& the$ $i8e" up
with the i$pue thou&hts of ewa"s.

<ost satisfyin) thin) in this orl! is to see your &arents S'ile
an! (noin) that .OU are the reason "ehin! that s'ile.

:C. Lea! to sa% polite '.(. .eve sa% '%es,
whe! %ou wa!t to sa% '.(.
&ave !ou ever found !ourself in the wrong compan!# at the wrong
time# at a wrong place or situation1 ;ou might have een cursing
!ourself for not eing ale to sa! ,-=%# when !ou so much wanted to
sa! so. -othing to worr! since !ou are with vast majorit! of people#
who put themselves and sometimes# their near and dear ones too# in
ver! emarrassing or unpleasant situations# simpl! ecause# while
the! wanted to sa! ,no%# ut could not utter two letters of ,-=% and#
instead uttered three# ,!es%. >arlier !ou get out of !our own created
we of ,o)%# ,!es% ,fine%# or ," am game%# est it will e for !ou and at
times# for !our famil! too.
$h! we are so osessed with the word ,!es%# is ecause of our desire
to e loved# we want to show that we care and want to e helpful
when we are needed. $e thin) that ! hearing our ,no%# the person
re<uesting ma! mind it or might feel offended. .ometimes# it is done
out of fear of rejection. .ometimes# we feel the person ma! as)
someone else and fear of another person getting the advantage over
us. .ometimes# it ma! e that we want to e popular t!pe# most
Your Quest for Being Better 120

agreeale t!pe. *lwa!s appearing agreeale t!pe# sa!ing ,!es%# ma)es
us appear that wa!.
This ,!es% instead of ,no% happens# when !ou ma! have little to spare
to give# are tired# alread! overwor)ed# having no time or want to e
left alone. .ometimes# it is done just to s<uare up an old oligation#
while at other times# it ma! just e a hait# good one mostl! ut ad
one at times.
$ell# there is no dout that one must e helpful# caring and upright.
&owever# life is alancing things# so man! things at that. $hile doing
all that# !ou need not hurt !our personal interests or health or famil!
welfare. 7amil! should not feel neglected. ;our famil! must e !our
first priorit! and ample <ualit! time has to e spent with them and for
them. "t is a common complaint# mostl! genuine# from wives that
while their husands have lots of time for ever!one# ut whenever
the! need their time# husands almost alwa!s sa! the are bus. "t is
normall! found that while husands cannot sa! ,no% to others# the!
have no hesitation at home to sa! ,no%.
.ometimes it is tactful handling# sometimes it ma! just e managing
things# events and situations# well# !ou also must have !our priorities
right to move ahead# jo!full! and happil!. Time must e allotted or
spent as per the priorities. Time is !our most important asset and it
must e used rightl! to find a alance in various activities# which !ou
are supposed to do as a routine.
=ften# " have oserved that people just sa! ,!es% without thin)ing. *t
times# it%s just that the! want to e counted in. The! might have no
interest in the proceedings or even disli)e whatever for the invitation
was there# ut the! agreed# simpl! ecause ever!one else was
coming. *t times# it is necessar! to e decisive and sa! a firm ,no% if
!ou have no interest in the event.
-e/t time when such a situation arises# simpl! sa! a firm ,no% rather
than a wee) ,!es% and then regretting it# ma)ing others uncomfortale
or emarrassed at times. ;ou must reali0e that !ou and famil! have
first priorit! on !our time and resources. $hile helping others# !ou
must not e stressed out !ourself. ;ou must ensure that !ou have that
much time and resources to spare. These da!s# nood! gives !ou
mar)s for !our presence or just eing a ,!es% man. 3

RememerB >Say 7es and make it your 9a#orite :ord8 is fi!e, as
lo!& as it "oes !ot affe#t %ou health, wealth o fa$il% life.
)lti$atel%, %ou $ust be a"ept at the bala!#i!& a#t i! life. You
ti$e $ust be popel% utiliFe" to &et best out of life.

A "an( is a &la#e here they len! you an u'"rella in fair eather
"ut ant it "a#( hen it "e)ins to rain.

121 Your Quest for Being Better

=D. C((7I./: A !oble eve%"a% a#t. Lea!
Coo3i!& a!" ta3e pi"e i! the at.
=ther da!# while enjo!ing a homel! dinner at a friend%s place in the
compan! of famil! friends# one lad! suddenl! announced 9% dont like
cooking. %n our house, there are servants to do that boring chore2.
$ell# ever!one was ta)en aac) ut )ept <uiet. " too was also ta)en
aac)# loo)ed at her poor husand ut could not )eep <uiet. " had to
tell her that not )nowing how to coo) or not wanting to coo)# is
nothing to e proud of# speciall! for a women. "t was a ig handicap
for otherwise# normal loo)ing famil!.
This lesson is there ecause of this small incidence which also led
me to thin) a lot aout our misplaced priorities in life. To survive# we
have to eat. $hat and how we eat# determine our health and well
eing to a large e/tent. =nl! humans eat coo)ed food on this planet.
=ther species eat food in whatever form it is availale. >ven animals#
when the! can e# are <uite choos! aout the food. Then# wh! is it so
that coo)ing is considered such a ,boring and un!anted tas) ! man!
people1 $ith little effort# we can e totall! independent of hired laor#
add health enefits for our famil! and of course# save doctor%s fees !
eating health! and energ! giving foods.

Few e!"eai!& fa#ts about the foo" we eat :
3. "n m! sevent! !ears# " am !et to come across someone# who
does not li)e ,ood food. "t is also rare that people conve! their
appreciation for the delicious food the! are eating# though the! are
alwa!s read! to critici0e# when something is not as per their taste.
&owever# !ou must ma)e it a point to e appreciative# loud and clear#
if !ou li)e the food. :erson who has coo)ed the food# will li)e nothing
etter. "t is est to )eep <uiet# if !ou didn%t li)e something# instead
openl! critici0ing the food. "t%s ad manner and not a done thing.
D. 7ood taste is an ac<uired trait. -ormall!# we li)e what we have
een eating from childhood. .o# no food is more delicious than the
other. "t all depends upon individual haits and traits. .ince eating
haits are formed from childhood# through a person%s formative !ears#
usuall# one li)es food which one is used to eating from childhood.
$ence never argue !ith anone about the superiorit of our food over
others. "t%s childish.
P. $e normall! li)e and eat what is locall! grown. Rice growing
populations will predominantl! e rice eating or vice versa for wheat
and other crops.
5. &ome food mostl! digests more easil! than the restaurant food#
since restaurants use e/cess oil# spices and salt to enhance taste#
which )ills the nutritional value of the food we eat in such places.
E. Though coo)ing at home is mostl! done ! ladies# male chefs far
outnumer female chefs# where food is commerciall! coo)ed for sale.
Reason is that eing a hotel ,chef% is a ph!sicall! demanding jo# with
Your Quest for Being Better 122

long uncertain hours of wor) which is doul! difficult for the ladies to
underta)e. Taste of the food does not depend on the si/ of the chef.
Q. :aid coo)s or chefs# whether at home or outside# are hardl! ever
concerned aout the health aspect of the food the! coo). Their main
concern is that the food must taste good. >/cessive use of unhealth!
oils# spices and salt helps them achieving that oject in less time ut
such foods are definitel! unhealth! compared to the food coo)ed !
!our mother or wife at home.
6. 7or lifest!le diseases li)e Blood :ressure# 9iaetes# Cardiovascular
prolems etc. food has to e coo)ed using less oil# salt and spices#
which re<uires more laor and is more time consuming# which is
difficult for a hired coo) or in hotels# where onl! criteria is taste not
health. &ence# avoid eating outside as far as possile.
K. $hatever we put our mind and thoughts to# grows. .ame
principle applies to food. $hen innovation through our mind and
practice is applied# it wor)s wonders to the taste and <ualit! of food
we coo) and our famil! eats. "t%s a m!th that restaurant food tastes
etter than home food. &ome food is definitel! tastier and healthier.
4. =ne cannot ecome a good coo) or chef onl! ! reading recipe
oo)s or watching food shows on TV. "f that was so# an!one could
coo) well. "t re<uires practice# perseverance# love# innovation# interest
and patience. Recipe oo)s or food shows# of course# are a great help
in learning to coo) well# since !ou can learn a lot from them.

$e all are product of what we learn as a child. $h! not learn to coo)
and ta)e interest in the food# which we have to eat throughout our
life1 $hen we li)e good food# wh! not put in some laor and learn to
coo) it. $e ma! not ecome the est of coo)s ut still# should e ale
to manage# when we have to. "t adds to our self confidence# self(
reliance and growth. "t ma)es !ou independent of the hired help and
having to eat whatever is placed efore !ou.
Though ladies coo) normall! at home# ut where men help the
women with coo)ing or around the house# those households positivel!
are happier# more alanced and live more fulfilled lives. These couples
have etter sense of togetherness and team spirit# so adl! needed for
marital liss and harmon!.
>ven in present da! nuclear families# where mostl! oth husand
and wife wor)# eing together in )itchen# gels them much etter with
the much needed warmth and feel of oneness. .uch couples are less
critical and more tolerant of each other. Male memers# who help their
wives in )itchen# should not feel sh! of this great action# i.e. coo)ing
together. These households definitel!# are run etter and can
withstand marital tensions etter. Moreover# children of such
cooperative households will also do the same# what the! see their
parents doing# when the! grow up. :resent da! tensions of life in fast
lane# can e handled much efficientl! with the cooperation generated

123 Your Quest for Being Better

! wor)ing together for a common goal# good and health! food at
least cost and convenience.
These da!s# most hotels and restaurants# in spite of their prohiitive
prices# are crowded to the hilt. >ven in hotels and restaurants where
tale reservations are done# !ou might have to wait standing in
corridors or outside# ma! e for half an hour to one hour. " find the
sight pitiale and derogator! for m!self and people standing on m!
head# waiting for me to vacate the tale. $hen the! get the tale# one
has to see their glaring and lightening faces. "f !ou include to and fro
time and cost# driving through heav! traffic# it is hours efore !ou get
ac) home# totall! e/hausted after having eaten food of doutful
<ualit! and taste# just to save an hour or so of laor at home# coo)ing
!our favorite dishes. ;ou ma! pa! even ten to twent! to fift! times#
depending upon where !ou eat. $ell# fran)l! " pit! people who use
this facilit and convenience of eating out or order the take a!a.
Men who do not learn coo)ing or ta)e interest in coo)ing or who
never help their wives in )itchen# mostl! live a miserale e/istence
when wife has gone to her parents% house or is unwell. *dded to the
e/oritant medical costs# having to eat unhealth! outside food# or
eing at the merc! of )ind neighors# ta)e its toll on famil! finances#
general health and well(eing. =ften# famil! ecomes an emodiment
of pit!# eating sometime here# sometimes there. .uch situations can
e avoided with little foresight. -ot onl! that# " can ta)e well earned
credit for inspiring and motivating man! of m! friends to ta)e interest
in )itchen wor) and help their wives in household chores. These
couples are leading much more satisfied and fulfilled lives.
" have )nown families where men cannot even oil water or ma)e
tea. Till things are going fine# li)e wife is coo)ing# maids are coming
regularl! or dependale servant is there. But so unfortunatel!# all good
things in life# do have to come to an end# sooner than later. "t
happens when servant goes for a etter jo or maid suddenl! stops
coming# wife ta)es ill or old age stri)es and wife is not there to coo) or
cannot coo) ecause of health prolems. &aving learnt how to coo) !
ta)ing little interest in )itchen wor)# would come in hand! then and
would do good to !our morale at such tr!ing ut difficult times.
Coo)ing is a life(s)ill of great help and value. Though there is
nothing much to learn in coo)ing# ecause mostl!# it%s matter of ta)ing
interest and pride# still coo)ing is an art which# if avoided# !ou shall e
doing at !our peril. * time ma! come when !ou would sincerel! wish#
!ou had ta)en some interest in this nole art and would have een
self(reliant# self(confident and etter adept at handling life in a etter
and more honorale wa!. 8od has lessed !ou with thin)ing facilit!
and intellect. +se it and do it. 3

RememerB Coo3i!& is a &eat at. All $ales $ust lea! it eal%
fo$ the #hil"hoo" itself. You ae i!#o$plete a!" "efi#ie!t if
Your Quest for Being Better 124

%ou #a!!ot #oo3. E!#oua&e %ou #hil"e! to help thei $othe
i! the 3it#he! a!" late, the% shall help thei wives whe! the%
&ow up, attai!i!& $u#h "esie" $aital bliss i! life. A life full
of ha$o!%, love a!" bliss is %ou bith i&ht. E!;o% it full% b%
shai!& househol" #hoes, #oo3i!& is o!e of the$ but $ost
i$pota!t o!e.

%ife is not 5ualifie! "y fluent En)lish, "ran!e! #lothes & ri#h
lifestyle. It is 'easure! "y nu'"er of fa#es
S'ile hen they hear your na'e.

=1. Ci$e "oes!t pa%. You $a% thi!3, !o o!e is
wat#hi!&. -ut 1e is & so$eo!e else $a% also
Rajat 8upta. *n "ndo(*merican# director in 8oldman .achs and a
millionaireC $ho could imagine that this gentleman# who was
orphaned in "ndia as a teenager# ut graduated from &arvard Business
.chool in 346P and ecame a +. citi0en in 34K5# might e spending
eight to ten !ears of his otherwise glorious life# in jail. &is crimeC
%nsider #rading# which means lea)ing financiall! sensitive confidential
information to unauthori0ed persons# his friend and associate in this
case# who would have made illegal millions ! using that information.
2i)e all criminals# he also thought# he is smart enough and will not e
caught. But he was# tried in full pulic view and convicted. .o
unfortunate ut trueC More unfortunate ecause there are man!
gentlemen criminals# who thin) the! would not e caught# though
some might get awa! ut few are caught# tried in courts# arrested#
humiliated and convicted.
The! live a miserale life full of fear# worr!# an/iet! and suspense.
=ne ma! escape the law ut living such a life in itself# the ps!che of
the famil!# near and dear ones# the trial# eing ta)en awa! to loc)(up
li)e an! other prisoner# the prison life# even a remand# is punishment
enough in itself and degradation to the meanest level. "n most such
cases# <uestion arises# ':as t%at necessary at allC8. >*O8 is an
emphatic answer. The! simpl! gave in to the greed and had thought
that the! would get awa! with it. "n simple words# ,CRI6E 4(E+.,
PAY. "t never has and never will. 2ives are never the same and in
most cases# are shattered and ruined e!ond recognition.
=nce a crime or an act of corruption# is committed# life changes for
the worst. 7ear and worr! are constant companions. $ith each )noc)
on the door or ringing of telephone ell# tension grips and enters
through the ears. .leepless nights# constant tossing and turning in

125 Your Quest for Being Better

ed# ma! ecome the order of the night. Relationships are destro!ed
and those who were so close to !ou# ma! avoid eing seen in a
criminal%s compan!. >ven the ver! thought of someone un)nown
holding !ou tightl! from the arm# would e repulsive. Man!# with
whom !ou might have spent wonderful times enjo!ing ill(gotten
wealth# would not ta)e !our calls.
Man! times# it is sic)ening to see !oung college students indulging in
various acts of crime li)e ragging# rowdism# e/tortion# damaging
college or pulic propert! li)e uses and street lights# eve teasing etc.
Man! of these crimes are committed in groups. But when the! are
caught# the! are alone to face the police# law and the conse<uences.
The! get admitted in the college for getting )nowledge# education and
degrees ut get out as criminals# eing rusticated or disgraced. The
ver! start of their life is on a fault! wic)et and onl! ver! luc)! ones
get out without lemish and with an! hope.
*nother set of crimes# which people thin) the! would get awa! with#
is househol" hate a!" &ee" #i$es a&ai!st wo$e!, speciall!
against the newl!(wedded rides. "n man! cases# women onl! form
major partners and perpetrators in such crimes. 8or!# gruesome#
rutal and lood curling scenes of such horrific violence# are often seen
in the media. =f course# perpetrators thin) that the! shall not e
caught# would get awa! with the crime and will enjo! the ill(gotten
wealth from ride%s side. But that is onl! an illusion. "t is not possile
to enjo! lood(stained wealth ecause deep down# the! )now how
the! got it. >ven an e!e(contact with the conniver# generates the
feeling of guilt which is not possile to evade or erase# howsoever hard
one tries. =nl! solution to such miseries is prevention since one has to
face the mirror ever! da!. .o never give(in to greed or ta)e a chance
in the hope that no one will )now. .ince !ou can read this oo)# !ou
are one of the few luc)! ones getting this invaluale advise free.
"t is not onl! the dut! of the government or the law enforcement
agencies# to severel! punish ever!one connected with such crimes# ut
it is also the dut! of ever! citi0en to come out openl! against such
families ! complete social o!cott of such families without allowing
an! respite# so that others can learn their lessons and would not even
thin) of ill(treating a ride married into their household. .uch ill(
earned wealth through coercion# should not e allowed to e enjo!ed
! an!one and should onl! ring complete and merciless disrespect#
indignit! and dishonor to the famil!. 7amilies indulging in such
reprehensile crimes against women# should e taught such lessons
that no one ever dares to commit such crimes.
Rape and child se/ual ause has ecome another crime# which
unfortunatel!# is happening often these da!s. " am of the firm opinion
that man! more such crimes go unreported. Rape is more of a crime
against humanit! and human dignit!# which re<uires societ! also to act
along with law enforcement agencies in full force and power under
Your Quest for Being Better 126

their command. $e should not e complacent thin)ing that it is
happening to others. $ell# it can happen to an!one or an! of !our near
and dear ones. Rape and murder should e treated at par as far as law
enforcement is concerned. Ouic) disposal of rape cases# trial in camera
and judges# who are s!mpathetic to the victims and of proven integrit!
and are fearless and with progressive ac)grounds# should onl! e
posted for speed! disposal of rape case. Crimes against women must
e dealt with a totall! different mindset# ecause the! are a lot on
our culture# in which we ta)e so much pride. $e cannot even sa! the!
show us primitive# ecause in earlier times# women were treated with
great respect and crimes against women were simpl! unheard of.
2ots of crimes ta)e place these da!s ecause people want to get rich
<uic). The! have no time or patience to go through all the hardships#
patience ' perseverance# which go into mone!(ma)ing or wealth
creation. $hen the! see rich people enjo!ing their wealth# earned or
inherited# the! want to ape them and wish the! also have ever!thing.
$hen the! see advertisements in TVs and newspapers# displa! of
various gadgets in Malls# the! wish to own ever!thing the! li)e. ;oung
people often get carried awa!# lured and are entrapped to do various
criminal acts# which ruin their lives or ma)e them criminal for life#
when the! come in contact with hardened criminals in jails.
Crime is a crime. &ow# when# wh!# does not matter. =nce# one is
caught or suspected# life changes for worst. "t ta)es endlessl! long
time in courts to prove the guilt or innocence# !es# ut life is ver!
difficult even without convictions# just to prove the innocence. 8oing to
courts# advocates# police stations and meeting all sort of undesirale
people# whom !ou would not go near# otherwise# can e <uite un(
nerving# strenuous and stress(full. .uch e/periences are est avoided
at an! cost# though in criminal acts# costs can e too steep.
"n last few !ears# numer of scams# have een e/posed. Though#
these appear monumental in si0e and volume# still without dout# the!
are onl! the tip of the iceerg. The! have all een done or initiated !
persons# who were so(called educated ' rich enough. There was no
compelling need for them to indulge in such heinous and despicale
activities for mone!# cheated their own people who# otherwise# )ept
them in high esteem# trusted them and had full faith in them.
"f a poor man steals# misappropriates funds entrusted to him#
murders for financial gains# ma! e for feeding his famil!# providing
medical treatment for his )ith and )in or hundred other uses in which
mone!# stolen or otherwise# can e used# is still understandale#
though still an! such activit! is a crime and is punishale under the
appropriate laws. But# what aout these scamsters# oo)ies or
cric)eters# most of whom were alread! rich and famous# had alread!
achieved what most others had een tr!ing and wishing to achieve.
"ncidentall!# there was no real need for them to indulge in such anti(
social and illegal activities# getting arrested# sent to jail to live along
with other inmates# losing respect and of course# loss of total

127 Your Quest for Being Better

crediilit! for life. The! hailed from various age groups and from
different social ac)grounds. The! might not have had criminal
mentalit! ut definitel! perverted mindset# insatiale greed which
clouded their wise judgment# was ehind most of such acts. 7or some
it was the lure of eas! mone!# which was to e urned in high life#
u!ing gifts for girl friends to impress them or simpl! to e counted in.
" find all these repulsive# which is the wor) of persons of low self(
esteem# signifies lac) of self(confidence and poor upringing.
Rememer one thing alwa!s. >as! mone! comes easil! ut goes also
easil! and can never e valued ade<uatel!.
,reed has the capacit to destro !hat one has earned in his entire
lifetime. The! were simpl! lured ! greed and high life. #he all had
thought that it !ont happen to them or the shall be able to get a!a
!ith it. Most of them would have thought# even if caught# the! are ig
enough to manage or !ho can touch them, as the are too big.
$hen we ta)e all these cric)eters# oo)ies or other rich well()nown
otherwise responsile citi0ens# it is shoc)ing how the! got themselves
trapped ! sheer greed# deceit# womani0ing and man! other traps
tr!ing to get into so called high life# full of attractive illusions and
misplaced priorities. The! might have een professional in their
respective fields# ut were totall! naRve and child(li)e when mone!#
se/ and high life was availale deceptivel! for the ta)ing. .eeing their
total worth# the! fell for peanuts to destro! their own life and all their
achievements till date.
M! point here is not whether the! are convicted or not or what
happens to them# ut what the! are going though nowada!s. :olice
interrogations for prolonged periods# loc)(ups# media ashing#
disrespect and insult to their names and that of the famil!%s# total loss
of privac! with different )ind of stories# some real# some imaginar!
doing the rounds in various media arms# can rea) an!one and the
famil!. * person or famil!# which was envied till a few da!s earlier#
ecomes a laughing stoc)# suject of man! jo)es and completel!
e/posed without an! defense whatsoever. Repercussions of such
incredulous and irresponsile acts will e felt for a long long time to
come and sad memories of such times# ma! not e forgotten ever.
"t all starts with something as simple as police# CB(C"9 or CB"
interrogation or -uestioning which# itself rea)s most of these
naives. Most of them rea) down# start cr!ing# egging for forgiveness
or pra!ing to 8od for merc!. :olice loc)(up or arrest means# sta!ing in
that diml! lit or totall! dar) hell(hole with man! inmates stuffed li)e
sardines in a 3F%/3F% cuicle# no fresh air# unearale stin)# e/treme
heat or cold without an! protection# going without food or water for
long periods# most with onl! rudimentar! toilet facilities# if at all the!
are there and eing totall! at the merc! of low ran) police personnel.
Couple this initial part with totall! uncertain future and change of life
pattern# ,interrogation% or police loc)(up itself is# hell rought on earth.
Your Quest for Being Better 128

;ou can imagine such horrile things happening to people used to
lu/urious comfortale living in high(end air(conditioned houses# with
their families in compan! and servants to ta)e care of all their needs
and comforts# at their ec) and call.
Bail# Conviction or no conviction# is still far awa!. Gust see the
difference in their appearance# when the! were called in and when
the! come out. "t%s all written on their faces. The! are terril! sha)en#
mostl! ro)en. Ouestion is# whether all this going through literal hell#
is worth it%s while for few a lac or crore more or the momentar!
pleasure and high the! felt moving in that compan!. :leasures of life
come and go ut scars left ! such horrile e/periences do not ever
leave# since constant reminders of criminal acts# will alwa!s e there
for such soul(shattering e/periences.
>nacting more laws to control crime will not help. =nl! thing which
will help# is the political and judicial will to control crime. Man! times it
appears that ,la!s are onl for the la! abiding. Those who do not care
or are powerful enough to manipulate# mostl! go scot(free. "n judicial
s!stem# integrit! should count aove ever!thing else. *ge(old adage in
judicial circles one innocent should not be punished even if hundred
guilt go scot free, must e replaced ! something more constructive
so that justice is not onl! done ut also seem to have een done.
=ften government spo)espersons are heard sa!ing la! !ill take its
o!n course, ut mostl! law appears to e protecting the guilt!#
speciall! when he is a politician# otherwise influential person or a rich
person who are in a position to manipulate.
There can e hundreds of e/amples ut onl! one e/ample ta)en at
the eginning of this lesson# that of Rajat 8upta# should e enough for
!ou to draw !our lessons for life. &e was alread! a millionaire. * few
ill(gotten millions more# would not have mattered to him or his famil!.
There was no need at all for him to indulge in a crime# which would
nullif! all that he had achieved in his life through hard wor) and
application and would lael him a dishonest achiever. .o well(read and
well(informed a person# should have )nown that once a crime is
committed# chance of getting caught is alwa!s there. *nd that ma)es
all his achievements of life doutful. (ne act of criminal greed
destroed his life and that of his famils, forever. -ever let it happen
to !ou. 8o for real value in life# not superfluous pomp ' show.
" have seen people# mostl! friends and relatives# ma)ing fun of
those who do not indulge in corruption# nepotism or illegal mone!
ma)ing# when the! are in a position to do so. But such laughed at
persons must rememer that if and when caught or arrested# the!
shall have to face the conse<uences all alone. Those who ma)e fun of
them# will not e an!where in the hori0on# if and when that happens.
.o never e carried awa! ! such remar)s. *n! act of corruption is
potentiall! dangerous and mind !ou# there is no e/pir! date for
criminal acts. >ven after a decade or two# one ma! e found out and

129 Your Quest for Being Better

$ell# est is to sta! clear of all crimes and corruption. ;ou cannot
eat the mone!# nor can !ou ta)e it awa! when !our time comes. "ll(
gotten wealth is a ig liailit!. ;ou lose respect even in the e!es of
those for whom !ou have committed the crime. The! will enjo! the ill(
gotten wealth without liailit! to pa! ac) through their nose# which
onl! !ou have to do. "t is !ou who is accountale and have to face the
conse<uences all alone and have to carr! on a life filled with the
feeling of guilt# rancor and itterness# even if not caught. 3

Rememer : CRI6E .EVER PAY+. +ta% #lea of a!% #i$e, eve!
a $i!o o!e, alwa%s a!" eve% ti$e. Ci$es ae !ot woth the
is3 the% #ause %ou peso!all%. 0ealth a##u$ulate" thou&h
#ouptio! o #i$i!al a#ts, will alwa%s $a3e %ou feel li3e a
#i$i!al i! %ou ow! e%es. ,hou&h vaious lesso!s i! this
boo3, ta!sfo$ %ouself i!to a sto!& peso!alit% with o#39
li3e #o!vi#tio!s a!" i!!e values, so that %ou #a! !eve be
"eviate" fo$ the pe9set #ouse of ho!est%, i!te&it%,
si!#eit%, #o$passio! whi#h, all shoul" &ui"e %ou to "o what is
i&ht, !ot what is #o!ve!ie!t a!" eas%.

RIC4 are not those ho have 'ore "ut
those ho 0IDE 'ore & E*&e#t NO <ore.

=2. ARR(/A.CE #oo"es %ou i!!e self. 4o
!ot be#o$e a! ob;e#t of "etest a!" pit% with
"n &indu scripture )amaana# Lo" Ra$ a!" Rava! stand out as
hero and villain. B! their ver! nature# oth are the emodiment of
good and evil. "n spite of Ravana eing so well entrenched# powerful
)ing# well(read and a great .hiva devotee# he was defeated ! the rag
tag arm! of 2ord Rama. .ame wa!# in Mahaharata# arrogance of
4u%o"ha!a, eldest of the Aorava rothers# who did not want to part
with land e-ual to a pinhead to .andavas%# his cousins# was defeated#
' decimated ! the apparentl! much smaller arm! of :andavas.
.apoleo! -o!apate, the 7rench monarch# defeated and
completel! destro!ed ! >nglish arm! in the Battle of $aterloo. A"olf
1itle, 8erman dictator# during .econd $orld $ar# dreaming of ruling
over the whole world# was totall! decimated and destro!ed ! the
allied armies. &istor! is replete with arrogant dictators# who did not
listen to sane counsel# when with all the power under their command#
the! seemed invincile# ut ultimatel! ended in grave!ard or
Your Quest for Being Better 130

cremation ground. :ower reeds arrogance ut one must alwa!s resist
the temptation ecause arrogance# ultimatel! destro!s.
*ll these ,great% men from thousands of !ears of histor!# had one
thing in common. The! were all *RR=8*-T. "n spite of the huge
armies and unlimited power and resources under their control# the!
lost in crucial attles# ecause arrogance clouded their wise judgment
and discretion during vital moments. 9rowned ! their arrogant
attitude# the! rejected ever! wise counsel of restrain and patience#
arrogantl! considering themselves wiser than ever!od!.
*rrogance is the opposite of humilit!# which is a great virtue.
*rrogance is ever!thing ad human mind can conceive or generate. *n
arrogant person does not ta)e pride in what he does ut ta)es pride in
himself# his loo)s# his material possessions# his power and his
connections. &e is alwa!s high on ego and false pride. Misplaced
sense of self(importance is his forte. &e shall e full of all that can e
ad in a human eings i.e. anger# jealous!# hatred# env!# comparison#
low on emotional control# greed# high e/pectations and intolerance.
*rrogant person wants onl! his opinion to prevail ever!where# even
aove the specialists in the field# whose opinion he ma! ruish
mercilessl!# mostl! detrimental to his own interests. 8reatest prolem
with an arrogant person is that he pa!s no heed to others% considered
or specialist opinion and considers it an affront# if diverse opinion is
e/pressed ! an!one else. .ince he considers himself a cut aove
others# he is at home onl! with li)e(minded s!cophants and !es men#
which is the main reason wh!# ultimatel!# destruction and decimation
invarial! follows arrogance.
Clouded ! mone! and power ruling their head# arrogant people#
seldom listen to sane advise or voices. The! also ta)e perverted
pleasure in hurting others# speciall! those who house adverse opinion
or those whom the! consider their rival or inferior. 9epending upon
their selfish ends# the! can e e/tremel! sweet or rude. "ts not that#
the! are not humleC Gust see them tal)ing to or ehaving with those
whom the! perceive as having more mone! or power. The! can e
e/tremel! sweet# e/tremel! humle and down to mother earth. Gust
watch them# enjo! the sight ut e cautious in dealing.
>go and *rrogance go hand in hand# alwa!s. *rrogant people never
reali0e the harm the! do to their own interests ! eing arrogant.
Though others ma! detest them# ut it never others them since the!
ecome so much osessed to having their wa!s and opinions prevail.
+nfortunatel!# when we get used to the wa!s we have een living#
whatever those ma! e# good or ad# we get so much used to them#
ta)e them for granted and do not understand or mind the harm# a
particular ad hait is doing to us. $e )eep living that wa! without
ever reali0ing the harm done.
*rrogant people are ever read! to lame others# when things go
wrong. Blaming ever!one e/cept themselves for what has gone wrong.
The! li)e to e surrounded onl! ! !es(men which# is mostl! their

131 Your Quest for Being Better

undoing. .ince the! consider themselves cut aove others# the! are
ad at compromising# least forgiving and will not forget if the! have
felt slighted ! an!one. The! have hardl! ever heard aout the word
forgiveness. The! don%t want to share an!thing with others. 2i)e a
t!pical h!pocrite# the! alwa!s want and have two set of rules. =ne for
themselves# one for othersC
*s a alanced person# a good human eing wanting peaceful co(
e/istence with ever!one else# someone who willingl! shares and ta)es
great pleasure in giving# a person with positive attitude# even with all
the wealth and power and eing an emodiment of )indness and
compassion# ->V>R 2>T *RR=8*-C> .>>: "- ;=+. Because
arrogance will first cloud !our thin)ing# then corrode !ou from inside#
then destro! !ou. 9estruction is something which alwa!s follows
arrogance. 3

RememerB Rea" the lesso! o! 1)6ILI,Y o!#e a&ai!, to lea!
a!" u!"esta!" what is the best wa% to &et alo!& with othes
a!" #eate a $ea!i!& i! %ou life. Life is fo e!;o%$e!t a!"
happi!ess, shai!& a!" bei!& happ% to&ethe, !ot fo uli!&
ove othes.

To'orro ill #o'e !aily. /ut To!ay ill #o'e only TO=A..
So, finish to!ay,s or( to!ay only & /E 3REE TO<ORRO$.

=:. You ae Y(), the )!i<ue & (i&i!al. 4o !ot
Ape othes to be#o$e 4upli#ate. Retai! %ou
$henever !ou are out to u! an!thing# are !ou not alwa!s careful
that !ou u! onl! the original not duplicates1 8od has created each
human a uni<ue eing# an original. .o must !ou tr! to remain# T&>
=R"8"-*2 which is !our true self. Believe in !our original thin)ing#
elieve in !ourself to get things done# in !our ailit! to do things right.
;ou have to have faith in !our faith# trust in !our ailities. =thers will
have faith in !ou onl! when !ou have faith and elief in !ourself#
This lesson is focused on !ou and !ou alone# to lift !ou up. :ower to
lift !ourself up# has een given to !ou ! !our creator. "n life# eing
true to !ourself is the most important thing ecause first and most of
all# !ou are answerale to !ourself. ;ou have to ecome an
emodiment of positive attitude# self discipline# altruism# sound
character# enthusiasm# optimism# emotional(control# self(confidence.
$hen !ou are in control# people should have the confidence that
fairness shall prevail. ;ou are the personification of a true leader#
Your Quest for Being Better 132

ever!one loo)ing to !ou for guidance# advise and counsel. *ll this is
possile when !ou are !our true(self not aping duplicate.
;ou ecome uni<ue and remain original# when !ou thin) original. But
how can !ou retain that originalit! lessed to !ou ! the creator1 ;ou
listen to ever!one ut have an independent opinion influenced !
facts# justice and fair pla!# not on hearsa! and rumors. ;our world is
!our own creation# created through enlightened thin)ing. ;ou are on
road to true success ecause of three traits. 7ou keep our head cool,
tongue s!eet and most and above all, ou treat people !ith !armth,
respect and affection. ;ou are a true role model.
Being original and uni<ue also means !ou put in !our ver! est
without ever othering aout rewards and results which#
automaticall!# are good# ecause of the est !ou have put in. ;ou
never relate !our success to the wealth !ou have created# which !ou
love to share and help those who are not as luc)!. ;ou do not
monopoli0e the wealth !ou have created through !our hard wor).
Being the original !ou are# !ou would li)e to ma)e a difference to this
world through !our wealth and leave it a etter world
+nfortunatel!# in our countr!# people less endowed# easil! come
under inferiorit! comple/ when the! meet other person whom the!
consider ,superior% in three aspects# $>*2T&# A-=$2>98> '
:&;."C*2 *TTR"B+T>.. Matter of wealth has een discussed in detail
in all our oo)s. &ere " would li)e to discuss comple/es most persons
develop ecause of Ph%si#al Attibutes such as general appearance#
handsome or eautiful# fair or dar) color# well(uilt or fla!# tall or
short etc.
"n a recent surve! conducted among school children# the! were
as)ed to write down the things of which the! were greatl! concerned.
+nfortunatel!# :h!sical appearance came on top of their concerns.
Children were much disma!ed in their heart ecause of dar) color of
their s)in# unattractive face# short stature# plump ph!si<ue# straight or
curl! hair or even pimpled face. "n man! cases# inferiorit! comple/
ecause of the ph!sical appearance# was ver! deep(rooted and made
total wrec) of otherwise normal human eings.
"n oth our oo)s 'YE+ ,(/E,1ER 0E CA.% ' '0hat ,he% 4o!t
,ea#h i! E"u#atio!al I!stitutio!s, separate lessons are there on
developing ,Attractive and *agnetic .ersonalit in which matter of
:h!sical attriutes has een discussed. There is no dout that some of
the ph!sical attriutes can e drasticall! improved ! adopting simple
health! life(st!le. =ne has to adopt health! wa!s right from the
childhood li)e e/ercise# jogging# wal)ing# eating health!# avoiding jun)
foods etc. But# nothing much can e done in ph!sical appearance#
stature# color of s)in or face etc. The law alread! discussed
ever!where in the oo)s change the changeable but accept the
unchangeable wor)s to !our advantage here. ;ou must accept them
as part of life ut do not feel disheartened with something which is

133 Your Quest for Being Better

e!ond !ou. Cosmetic or adopted charm fades with time ut the real
value of a person doesn%t. -ow read the following carefull!.
*ll eautiful ladies or handsome heroes !ou see on screens# lose
their ph!sical charm slowl! as the! age. Compare their photographs of
!oung age and after few !ears. The! loo) so different# tired# wrin)led#
gre! hair# sagging loo)s. 2oo) e!ond loo)s. :h!sical eaut! is
perishale and cannot e restored. Those who tr! to loo) !ounger !
artificial means# ma)e a laughing stoc) of themselves. -o one can
fight age ecause nature has to ta)e it%s course. :h!sical eaut! is
nothing more than s)in deep. 9o not ta)e it for granted. -either e
impressed with the same# nor feel under an! comple/.
Real eaut! of a person is not outside cosmetic appearance ut what
is there inside. "t%s li)e a ig uilding comple/. ;ou can ma)e it ver!
attractive with fanc! glass# stainless steel or other attractive materials
which are used to ma)e it loo) eautiful# ut what reall! counts is the
<ualit! of cement and steel which has een used in ma)ing it. &ow
strong is it%s foundation1 =ne ma! e ph!sicall! unattractive to loo) at
ut if one is full of love# )indness# compassion# courage# forgiveness#
humilit! with a smiling face# one will alwa!s e genuinel! respected
and sought after. Most of the world%s greats 6ahat$a /a!"hi,
6othe ,eesa, Abaha$ Li!#ol!, .else! 6a!"ela are
rememered for what the! did for their people or what the! gave to
this world# not how the! loo)ed. *ppearances are mostl! deceptive
and alwa!s e careful of them. =uter eaut! vanishes with time# ut
inner eaut! remains intact and can e enhanced. $ith time and
e/perience# inner eaut! grows and shines while outer cosmetic
eaut! evaporates. That is the unchangeale law of nature.
.o# whatever !ou are# e proud of that and if !ou must compare#
compare the virtues not vanities. :eople# ! their ver! nature get
attracted to an original ecause of his pleasing personalit!# which
attracts people li)e a magnet. "t is how !ou loo) at life and ever!thing
good and pleasant it has to offer# with great hope and aspiration. ;ou
are a good listener and are genuinel! interested in others% welfare. ;ou
are alwa!s patient# e/hiit great emotional control in dealing with all
t!pe of people. ;ou have met adversities and challenges with great
courage and wisdom. $henever# the situation demanded# !ou have
gone out of !our comfort 0one to control an! situation or event. ;ou
have alwa!s wor)ed for collective general good# over narrow individual
enefits. "n other words# !ou wor) for collective good and people )now
that and )eep !ou in high esteem.
That%s the t!pe of =R"8"-*2 ;=+# the people who ma)e a difference
in this world# who ma)e their presence count and asence noticed.
&uman eings have een coming and going from this world for
thousands of !ears. -one other than a few have left a mar). Those
who left a mar) in histor!# were also ordinar! people li)e !ou and me#
Your Quest for Being Better 134

ut the! were =R"8"-*2. The! touched great heights ecause of their
originalit!# convictions in doing what the! thought was right.
=riginals are leaders who lead from the front# their teachings
original# ideas innovative. :eople trusted those original ideas and put
in e/plicit faith in them. The! ecame e/traordinar! ! putting in e/tra
in whatever the! set themselves to do. Masses followed them ecause
the! were original. ;=+ can also ecome the same. 3

RememerB ,hat EN,RA %ou have to put i! %ou effots to have
that EN,RA(R4I.ARY effe#t i! life. 0he! %ou "o that fo
C(LLEC,IVE /((4, /o" is also with %ou. 5t is more %onorable
to be Original and 9ail, t%an to become du!licate and succeed.

$orl! suffers a lot not "e#ause of the violen#e of "a! &eo&le "ut
"e#ause of the Silen#e of the 0oo! &eo&le.

==. Fo#us, Passio!, Positive E!e&%. Cultivate
the$ fo /owth9Po&ess9+u##ess.
;ou must have seen =l!mpic sprinters# high jumpers# long jumpers#
shooters etc. Gust efore the! ma)e the final attempt# how the! focus
on the final tas) ahead# which would ma)e all the difference etween
winners and also(rans. The! have wor)ed e/tremel! hard# practiced
untiringl! and toiled endlessl! for this final moment. -ow the! need to
concentrate and focus all their creative energies into this final act#
which would ring them an =l!mpic medal# glor!# success and
recognition. $ithout this final act of focusing all their creative energies
into this final attempt# the! ma! not e an!where near their coveted
dream of winning an =l!mpic medal.
.o is the power of creative energ! which we can generate within
ourselves and also transmit the same to others# to accomplish things
and attain our goals in life. This self(generated creative energ! within
the entire team# flows with enthusiasm# optimism# positive outloo)#
passion# 0eal and 0est. .uch creative energies are reflective. $or)
done# goals achieved# missions accomplished through such creative
force would e enjo!ed ! the entire team and ring them more closer
to each other.
$or) ecomes pleasure and much enjo!ale# when !ou do not thin)
of rewards# when est is put(in ! the entire team in unison# great#
deemed impossile results and rewards can e achieved. This creative
force must touch each act of ours more intensel!# more wisel!# ever!
moment of our life. This is what the! call putting !our heart and soul
in whatever !ou do. $ithout ever vacillating awa! from the focused

135 Your Quest for Being Better

path# ! concentrating on the jo in hand# etter results# une/pected
and unsurpassale otherwise# can e achieved.
Ta)e the e/ample of sunra!s. .o soothing or at the most# hot in
summers. =rdinar! scattered sunra!s cannot urn the paper. But
focus the same ra!s on a piece of paper through a lens# paper starts
urning. .o much heat energ! is generated ! focusing those
scattered sunra!s that it urns the paper or even human flesh. That is
what human mind does when focused.
2ioness is the food(provider for entire pride (group or famil! of lions)
and has to hunt wild animals for food. Gust watch her movements
efore the final pounce on the pra!. .he is the emodiment of
concentration# focus and patience in those final moments. 9one an!
other wa!# pra! will simpl! run awa! ecause while the pra!# who is
running for his life# can run much faster and longer at top speed#
lioness can maintain top speed for a ver! short duration and distance
and has to reach closest possile to the pra! efore pra! recogni0es
her presence. That is the power of focus and positive energ!# which is
regulated and reflected through our mind.
*ll our energies# positive or negative# emanate from our mind.
&uman mind is the storehouse of all power. :ower# capacit! and
energ!# which human mind can generate# is e!ond comprehension.
&uman mind has unlimited potential. Though functioning of human
od! is the most wonderful gift nature has given to humans ut it%s
the human rain through which mind wor)s# surpasses them all. $e
use onl! a small fraction of our rain%s capacit! during our lifetime.
+nfortunatel!# mind responds to negativit! more eagerl! and is
more receptive to negativit!. 7or positivit!# we have to wor) hard. "t%s
li)e !our house. "t gets dirt!# dust!# unclean and stained of its own
without an! effort from an!one. But to )eep it clean# !ou have to ta)e
pains. ;ou have to )eep !our mind receptive and clean# so that !ou
can use it to the est effects.
"n meetings# seminars and conferences# the! have <rain 1torming
sessions. These are nothing ut focused loud thin)ing and group
discussions# all in ver! positive manner to thrash out certain matters
and solve prolems. ;ou must get into the hait of individual brain
storming to solve prolems and face difficult situations. This is est
done ! inspiring !ourself# encouraging !ourself# spea)ing to !ourself
through Auto suggestion and adding repeated positive inputs into !our
mind. $hatever !ou want done or accomplished# )eep telling !ourself
that repeatedl!# which will release positive energ!# focus and
concentration re<uired for getting even the most difficult jos done
and success achieved.
=nce again# " will repeat. =ur mind is the storehouse of all energ!#
:ositive or -egative. Throwing out natural negative energ! from !our
mind is an effort# which !ou have to underta)e regularl!# dail!# alwa!s
and ever! time a negative thought enters !our mind# which the! shall
Your Quest for Being Better 136

)eep doing on a regular asis. 2ittle effort in cleaning out the dirt and
dust from !our mind# goes a long wa! to ecome positive person# full
of energ!# focus and concentration. Aeep !our mind full of positive
energ! and positivit! will e reflected from !our person.
7ocus and concentration also means that we should wor) out the
priorities in our life well. &ere# we can follow 6E(DE rule# which means
that 6EH rewards in life come from DEH of efforts and usinesses#
wherein 6EH of our profits will come from DEH of customers. .o
logicall!# we must select those DEH people or customers# and pa!
etter attention to them so that with little effort we can )eep 6EH
loc) happ! and well focused. "f we )eep giving ever!one e<ual
attention# irrespective of the profits the! generate# est results will
simpl! not e there.
*nother important part of focusing is to weed out the unimportant or
lesser important. .ome things need our urgent attention# other not so
urgent. $e must e clear in our mind what can e left undone or can
e done latter. "t is li)e if !ou are running after two chic)ens at the
same time# !ou are li)el! to end up with an empt! hand onl!. &ence
priorities are ver! important# )nowing what to do first# what must have
most of !our time# ecause ever!thing needs time to get done.
$hatever we give more time# shall e accomplished well and fine.
$hatever is starved of time# will e left undone. "t is important to
have our priorities right and allot time and attention as per it%s
importance. "mportant things or actions must never e left at the
merc! of unimportant or not(so(important ones.
7or :ersonal 8rowth(:rogress(.uccess# apart from aove# !ou must
have a powerful engine# which propels !ou towards !our worth! goals
in life. That engine in human jargon is called :*.."=- and :+R:=.>.
:assion is the speed with which !ou will continue to move towards
!our worth! goals and :urpose is the direction. 7or achieving success
or pea) performance in life# !ou must have oth in right <uantities.
.assion is the fuel gas# of which !ou must have aundant suppl! and
sta!ing on course is purpose. :assion is continuing to move towards
!our goals# with 0eal# 0est# grit and determination# in spite of
difficulties# prolems and adversities. $hen !ou are passionate
towards reali0ing a worth! goal# !ou are alwa!s hopeful which )eeps
the momentum on.
9uring !our wa)ing hours# mind is alwa!s at wor). But mind control
should alwa!s e aimed at positivit!. 9o not e a slave of negativit!#
generated naturall! in !our mind. 7ight it out with positivit!. Aeep
!our mind filled with positive happ! thoughts to )eep negative
defeatist thoughts at a!. Aeep !our mind(house free of dust and dirt#
to sta! fresh# clean# positive# jo!ful# full of positive energ! to lead !our
wa! to the top of whatever !our ultimate aim in life# is. 3
RememerB 6i!" is eve%thi!&. You be#o$e what %ou thi!3.
1e!#e, $i!" o thou&ht #o!tol is as !e#essa% as the foo" %ou
ta3e. Foo" is the ph%si#al bo"% i!put. ,hou&h positive

137 Your Quest for Being Better

thou&hts, positive e!e&% thus #eate" b% %ou, help %ou fo#us
a!" #o!#e!tate bette to solve eve% poble$ whi#h is
solvable. 0hat is !ot, wh% bothe about it>

Never /la'e anyone in your life. 0oo! Peo&le )ive you
4a&&iness, "a! &eo&le )ive you E*&erien#e, orst &eo&le )ive you
lessons an! /est Peo&le )ive you Pleasant <e'ories.

=?. 6ARRIA/E shoul" be a 4uet. 0he! o!e
+i!&s, othe Claps.
This world has undergone ig upheavals and changes in last
thousands of !ears# so have humans. There were times in human
histor!# when total anarch! and chaos prevailed. Rule of law was
simpl! not there# instead *ight is )ight prevailed. "n spite of
ever!thing# anarch!# lawlessness# might is right, i!stitutio! of
$aia&e in human eings# has withstood ever! onslaught and has
distinguished human eings from other species. "nstitution of marriage
has survived through the ages# in spite of ever!thing. =nl! humans
have Teachers# ecause of which we have ecome what we are# ruling
over the entire planet. *nd onl! humans have prevailing and enduring
s!stem of marriage etween male and female of their species.
-o one )nows for sure when s!stem of marriage was introduced in
humans ut it onl! shows human eing%s foresight and sense of
survival. Because it%s onl! through the institution of marriage# human
race has survived through the ages and societies have lived in relative
peace. Marriage is ringing together of a male and female ound !
marriage to live together for rest of their lives# procreate# live as
famil! under one roof# ta)e care of the children till the! are
independent. This c!cle of life has een continuing for thousands of
!ears and has held good.
"t is often said# marriages are made in heaven. >ven if that was so#
the! have to e lived on earth# under the influence of earthl! things
with earthl! eings. &ence# relationships are important. Marriage is
ut a permanent relationship formed etween two )nown or un)nown
souls# who have to live their life together within the four walls of their
house# under one roof. 5no!n or unkno!n reall! does not matter
ecause just )nowing someone# meeting off and on# spending some
time together# eating together# all as friends and resultant infatuation#
is ver! different than living together in nuclear or joint famil!# with
umpteen do%s and don%ts# under pressure from relatives and in(laws
from oth sides# financial constraints etc.# can e <uite ta/ing. *
alance has to e maintained within man! narrow contradictions.
Your Quest for Being Better 138

Being the product of nature# each human eing is uni<ue ut
different# emotionall!# intellectuall!# taste(wise# li)e(disli)e(wise and
values(wise. Marriage# as the word indicates# is the merger of two
individuals into one entit!. But as our "ndian marriage ethos go# while
the man gets married to the girl# girl gets married to the famil!. .he is
e/pected to uphold husand%s famil!%s values and honor. Mostl!# for
"ndian men# there are onl! minor changes# adjustments and
compromises here and there ut for the girl# it%s the entire lifest!le#
ecause she has to live in a different famil!# even cit! and has to
uphold newl! ac<uired traditions and values s!stem in her new aode.
"n the new household# there are new relatives oth close and
distant# new food tastes# new dress codes# different priorities# egos#
e/pectations and sensiilities. * girl# whether she is wor)ing or not#
has to alance out so man! things and comple/ situations. 7or the girl#
it is a great sacrifice of leaving one household# where she has lived li)e
a <ueen with her own famil!# who have rought her up showering
great love and affection# then leaving all that at a ver! tender age and
eginning a new life altogether. "f ac<uired household is understanding
and supporting# adjustment for the girl ma! not e much of a prolem.
But there ma! e so man! comple/ities for the girl# if the new
household is unsupportive# greed! and un)ind# which happens often.
2ife ma! e virtual hell for the poor girl all alone# tr!ing to match
diverse natures and e/pectations. Man! present da! social evils li)e
ride urning# dowr! harassment# emotional torture# suicides are the
result of insatiale human greed of the in(laws and shameless
materialistic culture prevailing these da!s. Both men and women in
the new in(laws household are to e lamed e<uall! for setting in such
a deplorale culture in some families# where newl! wedded rides are
not treated with due respect and dignit!.
>arlier things were different. Mostl! it was an arranged marriage !
parents from oth sides# with the help of close or distant relatives.
7amilies could e well()nown to each other. Men were generall! read
winners for the famil!. $omen# who were generall! illiterate or semi(
literate# had to live a mostl! mee) e/istence as per the desire of the
husand or in(laws. Men too) most of the decisions and women just
complied. "t was not that women did not live an honorale e/istence#
ut definitel!# their roles were generall! sudued.
&owever# things have changed in last three(four decades drasticall!.
>arlier total dominance of male species in the household# is no more
possile or practical. More and more women are getting educated at all
levels in different curriculums. 7or women to remain within the four
walls of the households# coo)# raise children and run the household# is
ecoming more and more uncommon. $ith their education#
intelligence# eagerness and competence# the! are at par with men in
all spheres of usiness and professional activit!.
$ith aove# has come the financial power for women# which was
missing earlier. >/cept for a few male oriented# ph!sicall! hard and

139 Your Quest for Being Better

ta/ing professions# women are ever!where as men%s colleagues#
competitor# friend# supporter or oss in the wor) place with same
<ualifications or etter. +nder the new scenario# atmosphere# oth
within the household or at the wor) place# has changed ecause of the
women%s earning power# which ma! e the same as male or at times#
more. The! have ecome e<ual partner and contriutor in ever!thing
concerning the running of the household in marriage as famil!.
&ence# the need for guidance and counseling for oth of them
cannot e overemphasi0ed. "t is# how est to run the household# share
the financial urden# understand each other%s wa!s# li)es and disli)es#
temperament etc.# so that the! oth should e ale to find ph!sical
and emotional liss# happiness# jo!# satisfaction and fulfillment within
those four walls# in which the! have vowed to live and die.
:ife and *arriage are like a marathon run, not a sprint. *arriage
must last till death does partners apart. *s in marathon# a modest
slow start is recommended. 7ast hectic start ma! e short(lived and
end in failure. +nderstanding of human mind and partner%s viewpoint#
is most important for the marriage to last till eternit!# happil! ever
after. Marriage is not onl! aout lasting# most important thing is that
oth must enjo! each other%s compan!# nearness# presence# trust and
support. Bliss# happiness and jo! must prevail all over# not onl! within
the partners ut with ever!one else concerned.
$hen two persons of opposite se/ are married# ph!sical and
emotional attraction# coupled with initial feeling of onhomie#
togetherness and attachment with each other# is natural. &owever# as
the time passes and various pressures of life ta)e over# slowl! and
graduall!# ph!sical attraction starts wearing off slowl!. But for a
marriage to wor) and endure# other ingredients li)e trust# enjo!ing
each other%s compan! and nearness# communication# emotional
attachment and understanding# support which one partner feels ! the
sheer presence of the other partner# must remain intact# which add to
the longevit! of the marriage and ma)e it jo!ful# e/citing# meaningful
and happ!# real essence of ever! marriage. >/citement is not onl! the
ph!sical attraction of the opposite se/es# ut it is the togetherness#
longing and gelling of hearts# minds and souls.
Pupose of this lesso! is to $a3e ou %ou!& ea"es a#tuall%
3!ow, what is thee fo the$ i! the $aia&e, be#ause a
$aia&e #a! be a blessi!&Mbliss o a #use. $hatever it is# is in
the hands of oth the partners. &owever# it is partners% pious dut! and
responsiilit! to ma)e it wor) and wor) fine. Because# if and when
prolems persist in the marriage# it%s not onl! partners# which are
affected ut# the whole lot of near and dear ones# children# parents#
and all other famil! memers# are adl! affected.
To start with# marriage partners must understand what this life(long
partnership is all aout1 This partnership is aout unif!ing two souls
into one cohesive team for greater mutual enefits. 7rom two# the!
Your Quest for Being Better 140

ecome one# from % to !e, from mine to ours. "nstead of
individuall!# from now on# the! thin) collective. "t%s a great feeling of
caring and sharing not onl! for the two individuals# ut also for the two
families which have come together with this pious ondage.
This partnership comes with some wonderful enefits to oth. Both
have each other%s compan! and can tal) aout their feelings. 7eel of
supportive togetherness is there. "t also provides much needed
encouragement and empowerment. ;ou can also discuss various
prolems and sort out the differences ! positive attitude. ;ou have
the strong feeling that !ou can alwa!s fall ac) upon the partner in
case of need. Two minds in harmon!# can ridge an! distance or
difference. .o# harmon bet!een t!o souls is a must in marriage.
.oon after the marriage when oth partners start living together as
a famil!# understanding of other person%s haits# temperament# li)es#
disli)es# attachments etc. is ver! important. =f course# in love(
marriages wherein oth partners might have )nown each other for
some or long time# few factors would e )nown. But living together
under one roof for whole life# is entirel! a different all game# where
oth partners have to ma)e heroic efforts# adjustments# so that liss
and harmon! prevails not onl! in the newl! created relationship ut
also in the entire famil!# friends and relatives.
Marriage is a alancing act wherein oth partners have to alance
man! positives and negatives of each other. >arlier# independent
decisions could e ta)en. -ow that decision(ma)ing process has to e
shared )eeping other%s views and sensiilities in mind. >ach other%s
opinion# preferences# haits# feelings# aspirations or ideas# ever!thing
must e given due consideration efore decisions are ta)en. *lso#
mutual respect# regard# appreciation# ringing(up of children are other
such considerations# which has to e loo)ed into in a lissful marriage.
"n earlier da!s# when life was simple# eas! and not so competitive#
things were more harmonious ut with modern wa!s and changed
circumstances and living standards# it%s ver! different. Conscientious
efforts from oth partners are needed to ma)e success of the newl!
created relationship. .ince# marriage has een compared to marathon#
let us tr! to touch as man! aspects carefull!# so that the readers do
not have unreal and unrealistic e/pectations from partners. The!
should e more practical and realist. 7ollowing points# if put in practice
right from the eginning# would help oth partners. Though# not
written in an! particular order# the! would help !ou in adjusting#
fulfilling !our oligations towards the partner# famil! and societ!B

3. L(VE 4EEPLY, ENPRE++ +P(.,A.E()+LY: should e the
general wor)ale rule in an! marriage. 2ove is the foundation of
the marriage and wor)s as shoc)(asorer in an! marriage. "t
means# if love is often e/pressed etween the partners# definitel!#
the! shall sort out most of the matters# even contentious ones#
within themselves amical!# to each other%s satisfaction. 2ove

141 Your Quest for Being Better

must e e/pressed spontaneousl!# so that the other person feels
loved and cared# which is the asic re<uirement of ever! human
eing. 2ove should e undemanding and need not e reciprocal. "t
can e one(sided. 2ove is orn out of trust. *sence of love is
distrust and ma! e# fear or insecurit!. 2ove e/pects no rewards.
"t onl! gives# not demands. To love is to share and serve without
e/pectations. Mother Teresa# ver! appropriatel!# used to sa! 9%f
!e cannot love the person !hom !e see, ho! can !e love ,od
!hom !e cannot see2. +ne/pressed love is of no use to either
partner. &ence# in a marriage# in which love is e/pressed
spontaneousl!# partners live in harmon!# understanding and trust
in each other. .uch unions are successful in the real sense.
D. ENPEC,A,I(.+: 9o not have unrealistic e/pectations from !our
partner. "n no relationship# all e/pectations can e fulfilled# neither
are unfulfilled. Better not to have ver! high e/pectations from
an!one# least of all from !our partner. "n asence of e/pectations#
whatever !ou get is onus and welcome. $hen !ou have high
e/pectations and the! are not met# it results into pain. *gain# a
modest mindset on e/pectations# helps in an! marriage.
P. C(6PARI+(.+: =ften# are misleading and with ha0ardous
potential in an! marriage. ;ou can compare onl! what !ou can see
and appearances# mostl!# are deceptive. =ther couples might
appear well adjusted# happ! and comfortale ut realities ma! e
totall! different. *nd even if !ou are sure# never ever mention the
superiorit! of other person or couple compared to !ours. =ne
single utterance on !our part# comparing !our partner negativel!
with someone else# can ruin or wrec) an! marriage. =ne negative
has the capacit! to wrec) ten positives. .o# !ou need to e ver!
careful on !our approach speciall! in the eginning.
5. +ELF E+,EE6: :la!s a ig role in an! marriage. :eople with low
self esteem are ver! touch! and sensitive on most issues. The! will
get offended for no reason over insignificant matters. &ence# it is
important to wor) on !our self esteem# if !ou or !our partner
feels# someone has a prolem. +nfortunatel!# in marriage# small
irritants repeated often# do more harm than the ig things. That%s
wh!# man! times# small matters of no conse<uence# are lown out
of proportions for nothing. 7aith and trust in each other# pla!s a
ig role and for smooth sailing of the ship called marriage#
partners must help each other out in this sensitive matter of self
esteem. .ince# .elf >steem has lot to do with parenting# ensure
that !our child develops into a person of high .elf >steem# who
does not suffer from inferiorit! comple/. $hen one partner suffers
from low .elf >steem# marriage is alancing on a time om#
which can e/plode an! time# since whatever is said ! the other
partner# has potential for e/plosion. There is no room for an!
health! discussion to ta)e place etween the partners ecause
Your Quest for Being Better 142

whatever is said or done ! the other partner# can e ta)en in
negative sense. *n! small matter has the potential of flaring up
and ecome e/plosive over nothing# depending upon the
temperament of the partners.
E. C1A./E F(R -E,,ER: -o one is perfect ut even if !ou were#
!ou need to constantl! upgrade !ourself# for !our marriage# to e
lissful and rewarding. 2ife needs constant improvement in ever!
sphere. ;ou might have to change a lot !ourself ecause life
efore marriage and after marriage, are totall! different all game
and !ou have to )eep changing or adjusting to the new realities# to
improve upon !ourself to e s!mpathetic to !our partner%s needs#
viewpoint and respect it. Be oservant and where ever !ou feel#
change ma! e incorporated. .mall changes or minor adjustments
are the ac)one of an! marriage to e lissful.
Q. 4I+CIPLI.E: -eeded ever!where in all wal)s of life# marriage is
no different. .imple rule is# onl! when !ou are disciplined !ourself#
then onl! !ou can enforce discipline. ;ou can also put it this wa! (
!ou have to lead ! e/ample. Minor irritants li)e ta)ing too much
time in athroom# ma)ing ,mess% while eating# staining the shirt
while eating# coming home late often without valid reasons# l!ing
over small matters# eing too spendthrift or miser or man! other
thousand things happening etween husand and wife dail!# can
ecome unearale# if not mended. Moreover# !ou have to set an
e/ample efore children# who should not ta)e lierties with
parents and should feel than)ful and indeted to parents later in
life# for having rought them up# the wa! the! have een. "f
parents have indulged in all sorts of indiscipline themselves# while
ringing up children# children tend to have resentment towards
them# which is not an ideal situation later# when parents have
grown old and children have ta)en over.
6. ,EA60(R7: This lesson is titled ,$aia&e is a "uet. 0he!
o!e si!&s, othe #laps. ,hats ,ea$wo3. 7eel of a team#
sense of elonging and determination to ma)e the marriage a
success# is ver! ver! necessar! in ever! marriage and re<uires
asolute sincerit! from the partners. Teamwor) re<uires a
s!mpathetic approach and an understanding attitude# to facilitate
the confidence uilding etween oth the partners. 7eel of
cohesion# onhomie and comfort# goes a long wa! in marriage and
since marriage is e<uated with a marathon# approach to ma)ing a
successful marriage# must e long term not short.
K. 6),)AL RE+PEC,: * small remar) or facial e/pression of
disrespect or sarcasm# can ruin an! relationship and a relationship
as sensitive and pious as marriage# is no e/ception. #reat our
partner !ith utmost respect. "f !ou are sincere in this aspect and
overdo it# it%s o). ;our partner will alwa!s reciprocate respect with
respect and oth will live happil! ever after. Respect should alwa!s
e genuine and should never sound hollow.

143 Your Quest for Being Better

4. A4VER+I,IE+9C1ALLE./E+9PR(-LE6+: These are common
in ever!one%s life# most common in an! relationship speciall!
marriage. =nce overcome# these add strength# cohesion and spice
to the marriage. *ll prolems are of temporar! nature and can e
sorted out with time ut relationship through marriage is
permanent. *dversities(challenges(prolems# might appear as
ostruction and road loc) in the marriage# ut once got over#
the! wor) as cement in the marriage. *lwa!s consider !our
married team of husand and wife# igger than an! prolem#
which !ou can solve est eing together# not separatel! or divided.
-othing can remain unsolved if oth partners are united and
determined# ut nothing can e solved if the! are uns!mpathetic#
egoist# uncaring# disrespectful# uncooperative and arrogant with
each other. .trife and douts are natural and normal in most
marriages. But# just as we have to uild shelters against them to
protect ourselves# same wa!# team(husand(wife has to uild
shelters of understanding# trust and s!mpath! to meet and
overcome all adversities(challenges and prolems.
3F. 4IFFERE.CE+ a!" 4I+A/REE6E.,+: -o two human eings on
this planet# housing over seven illion people# are ali)e. &ow can
the! thin) ali)e1 &ence# 9ifferences and 9isagreements are an
integral part of an! marriage. These are natural. ;ou simpl!
cannot wish them awa!. But the! have to e resolved# amial!
and amical!# to the satisfaction of oth the partners. *s far as
possile# no difference or disagreement must remain unresolved
for long. "f !ou have wor)ed on all the points in this lesson and are
determined to ma)e things wor) in spite of differences# things will
wor) out fine definitel!. Ma)e a commitment right in the eginning
of the marriage# not to go to ed with unresolved differences and
disagreements. Though it ma! not e possile to resolve all of
them easil! within a specific time frame# ut alwa!s end the da!
on a positive note# so that ne/t da! when oth of !ou get up# !ou
are ale to see and appreciate each other%s point of view much
etter. $hen !ou go to ed with unresolved differences# ecause
of the disturance and turmoil the! have created in !our mind#
sleep mostl! eludes and an uncomfortale sleepless night is worst
thing to happen in a marriage and must e avoided at all cost. .o#
tr! not to go to ed with unresolved negative mindset.
33. C(6PA,I-ILI,Y9I.C(6PA,I-ILI,Y: "f !ours is a love
marriage# compatiilit! part might have een gone through efore
marriage# otherwise afterwards. But in an! marriage# this is an
important aspect# which concerns oth partners. :artner%s li)es
and disli)es# asic nature# value s!stem# outloo)# social and
financial standing of families# religions# castes# educational
<ualification# relationship with in(laws and earnings etc. pla! a
crucial role in an! marriage and when put together# ma! e called
Your Quest for Being Better 144

compatiilit!. -ot that incompatiilities cannot e ridgedC "t is
difficult ut doale# provided oth partners have understanding
and determination to ma)e things wor) as suggested. +ltimatel!#
what counts in marriage# is not so much as how compatile the
partners are# ut how partners meet incompatiilities# is the issue.
>ven in est adjusted couples# some incompatiilities will alwa!s
e there. :artners have to e fle/ile# adaptale and versatile. *
clear cool thin)ing# will to meet the challenges and compromising
nature ut positive attitude# is re<uired from oth sides.
3D. E/( a!" F(R/IVE.E++: ,>go% is opposite of self esteem. 2ow on
self esteem# high on ego and vice versa. "n case of a mista)e#
negligence or flared tempers or ,unreasonaleness% on the part of
one partner# forgiving nature of the other partner# wor)s li)e a
healing alm. Between the partners# one should have no
compunction aout accepting mista)es and other partner should
have forgive and forget attitude# ut with an egoist partner# this
ecomes a difficult e/ercise. $ith oth partners high on >go# small
matter ecomes a ig issue. &owever# oth partners have to
reali0e# is it more important to have a high nose# which affects
ever!one adversel! and creates acrimon! and disharmon! in the
household or a loving# peaceful# tran<uil atmosphere at home#
which lifts ever!one%s spirit and ma)es ever!one happ!. &igh >go#
unforgiving and uncompromising attitude and relentlessl! pursuing
personal one(sided goals# can pla! havoc in an! marriage and is
<uite common# generating various )inds of miseries and discord
etween the partners affecting ever!one. &owever# if partners
have forgiving s!mpathetic attitude towards each other%s mista)es
and shortcomings# all matters in the marriage are resolvale.
3P. +ELF C(.,R(L & ,(LERA.CE: Two partners coming from
different ac)grounds# are ound for life through institution of
marriage. $ith them# come all the positives and negatives of each
other# some finding affinit!# gelling with each other# while others
ma! cause revulsion. "n such a scenario# .elf(control and tolerance
pla! crucial role. $e all are laden with minor and major irritants.
2iving together under one roof da! and night# means# we are
e/posed and the partners ma! find it difficult to ear with them.
&igh level of self control and tolerance are re<uired to live with
each other in peace and harmon!. 7or famil!%s sa)e# we must
develop it# if we do not have it alread!. "t is not difficult ut one
re<uires patience and forearance and must e determined to
ma)e the success of their marriage. -o one is perfect# neither are
!ou# nor is !our partner. Marriage means# !ou have to ear each
other%s imperfections and drawac)s# which ever!one will have. "f
someone will not have these particular ones# he or she will have
some other irritants for which !ou have to e tolerant.
35. PRAYI./ ,(/E,1ER: *t the end of the da!# one cannot sleep
over normal differences# disagreements and discords. =ne must

145 Your Quest for Being Better

sleep at night in a serene and tran<uil atmosphere. *t the end of
the da!# we must Than) whichever 8od we elieve in# through the
onl! wa! to connect with &im# that is through pra!ers. Regularl!
pra!ing efore the lord# helps soothe our nerves# relieves tension
and is stress uster. :ra!ing together at least once a da!#
preferal! at the end of the da!# helps oth partners to sleep with
serenit!# in harmon! and liss. >ven if !ou have had arguments
and ma! e a fight# never sleep over that. Best is to resolve it.
>ven if !ou cannot# ma)e a rule of pra!ing together efore sleep#
right from the da! one. ;ou will sleep etter and get up fresher.
-ever sleep with discord under the echo of countless arguments.
The! are all normal and natural. But sleeping with them# is not
done. -ever let an opportunit! of pra!ing together e lost to
arguments and heated e/changes. :a!ing together heals.
3E. CRI,ICI+6: =nce again# a ver! sensitive issue. Best will e to
avoid criticism of partner over all small matters. "t is alwa!s etter
to ignore insignificant things ecause if !ou are critical# partner is
also li)el! to reciprocate in the same manner. These da!s even a
child cannot ear criticism# what to tal) of grownups. "f it has to
e done# soothe it to the ma/imum possile e/tent. -ever ever do
it in front of others including children# since as it is# criticism is
disli)ed ! ever!one# ut it is more sharp and hurts infinitel!
more# if done in full view of others when it ecomes ten times
more lethal# virtuall!. "t is etter that efore critici0ing# !ou put
!ourself in partner%s shoes and see where and how it pinches.
*void it# ignore it# overloo) it# hoping it shall not e repeated. "f it
is a mista)e or inadvertent negligence# rememer# !ou can also do
it. Gust hope !our partner is mature enough never to repeat it and
learn from it.
3Q. RELA,I(.+1IP 0I,1 I.9LA0+: *nother contentious issueC
:arents# sisters# rothers etc. all ecome in-la! relationships
after marriage. "n marriage# when one partner thin)s from the
other partner%s point of view# marriage is health! and happ!. Both
partners# wife and husand# have een rought up ! their
respective parents. The! have lived with their rothers and sisters.
*ffinit!# love and attachment to their respective families# is ut
natural. This sentiment must e respected ! oth partners. "n so
man! cases# relations etween the partners are strained at the
outset onl!# on this delicate issue. &owever# with little effort#
patience and understanding of human nature on partners% part#
relationship with in(laws can add to the marriage liss rather then
ecome contentious or acrimonious. 2ife is a great alancing act#
alancing relationships# sentiments# emotions where fle/ile
approach pa!s well. Those who alance wisel! and intelligentl!
e/hiiting maturit!# live a happ! peaceful life. Those who do not#
well# 8od is there to ta)e care of them and their marriage.
Your Quest for Being Better 146

36. 4o !ot -LA6E %ou pat!e: $e are all humans# error(prone
eings# mista)es do happen# forgetfulness is there# we are loose
on tongue and so man! other minor and major hiccups will alwa!s
e there and even repeated inadvertentl! mostl!# advertentl!
sometimes. But laming hait of the partners will add high octane
fuel to the fire and can pla! havoc in marriage# since lame ma!
give wa! to counter(lame and ultimatel!# a shouting encounter
ma! start# which is most undesirale thing to happen etween the
partners# for children to see it happening and also for other
memers of the famil!. Marriage is onding and gelling of two into
one# where laming each other for the mista)es and overloo)s#
has no place. Marriage is not an organi0ation# where for an!thing
going wrong# lame has to e fi/ed. &ere we have to appl! alm of
understanding# patience# tolerance# forearance and so man!
soothing potions emitted through our tongue# e/pressions and
od! language. :artners% approach to each others% faults or
mista)es# has to e of understanding and pardon(prone. -ot
laming the partner is an act of great compassion and )indness#
which will e answered with the same currenc! when situation is
reversed. "n fact# if !ou thin) deepl!# !ou will find that !ou gain
nothing ! laming the partner. Best will e to sit together#
anal!0e and ensure that with each others% cooperation# what has
happened is not repeated. :artners must alwa!s e supportive of
each other and oth the partners must feel confident aout it.
Blame from partner which is tantamount to accusation# causes
additional pain and hurt# which might e retaliated ! the other
partner# ma)ing the whole matter more comple/ and unearale
for oth the partners and children. Blaming hait has no place in a
happ! marriage and must e curved for the partners to loo)
cohesive and made of each other. .o the est thing for the
partners is to ma)e their relationship loo) stronger and sturdier#
never indulging in lame(game# wading through trouled waters
whenever re<uired and enjo!ing each and ever! moment with
each other and Than) 8od for having rought them together.
:eace and happiness is the purpose of life. Mind pla!s a ig role
achieving that. Mind wor)s est when it is cool. Mind is cool onl! when
peace and tran<uilit! prevails at home# within the marriage partners.
&ence# it is important that oth partners do their est# never give in to
the negatives to have a tran<uil life# ecause ultimatel!# when and if
the need arises# the! onl! have each other for support and care.
$e are all human who need to e humane with our life partners.
This relationship is pious and cannot e compared with an! other
relationship ecause it affects ever!one connected# partners# their
present# children# their future# parents# their past and other close
relatives and even friends. ;ven if ou are a great success
professionall or in business, but our relationship !ith the partner is
not blissful, it does not mean much to our achievement profile of life.

147 Your Quest for Being Better

&ence# oth of !ou have to ma)e it successful and lissful# there eing
no other alternative to this.
:ositivit! and negativit! e/ists in ever!one ut we have to overcome
negativit! through positivit!. +nfortunatel!# ever!one is more prone to
negativit!. That%s wh! even if nine out of ten parameters of happiness
are right# one will alwa!s feel unhapp! aout the one negative
parameter. "n an! human eing# ten positive factors can e wiped out
! one negative factor. 7or e/ample# supposing oth of !ou have had
a wonderful da! together# left office earl!# had delicious lunch at !our
favorite restaurant# then went to a ver! good movie which oth of !ou
wanted to see# then# perhaps# went for a casual wal) down the lane
and came ac) home completel! refreshed# feeling great aout a
eautiful da! well(spent in each other%s compan!.
-ow# over a ver! small insignificant matter# an argument starts# first
slowl!# without warning# ut turns into a heated e/change# laming#
cursing adding fuel to the fire. Man! hours spent together in liss# are
washed off with oth going to ed# ma!e without dinner. But time is
a great healer. -ight spent sleepless or sleeping# has done a lot of
good to oth aching souls# since oth have reali0ed their mista)e.
The! are again the same loving souls ! morning. -ow# please
understand that though such a thing ma! e happening etween man!
partners ut is not acceptale since !ou can improve upon it.
:oint " would li)e to stress here is that oth husand and wife are
losers# famil! and children are worst sufferers of the acrimon!
happening often at home. $hen !ou wor) through aove seventeen
points# such happenings can e reduced to a greater e/tent. 9o not let
!our ego come in etween !ou and !our partner. 2ife is much more
than spending sleepless nights full of negative thoughts# getting up
without energ! and starting the da! with negatives. -=. ;ou deserve
more and etter than that.
$hen !our home(life is peaceful# oth perform etter at wor). ;our
famil! attains higher standing sociall!. $or) done ! a cool and open
mind is much etter than what is done ! a distured and ill(at(ease
mind. *fter all# other person is !our life partner and has sacrificed so
much for the famil!. Be considerate. 7or the sa)e of !our famil!#
children and !our professional career# do what !ou ought to do# not
what !ou want to do in the heat of emotions. * little discomfiture now
over ego or arrogance# will add real liss and happiness to !our life
and famil!%s. 9o it and do it often.
The point might seem over(stretched to a casual reader. But ,-=%C
$e must understand and assimilate it thoroughl!# ecause it is vital
and crucial for ever!one concerned# husand# wife# children# parents#
other famil! memers and sincere famil! friends. "n a marriage# it%s
the teamwor)# cohesion# togetherness# support# understanding# feel
for each other# what counts most. Rememer one thing# families
where these things are there# perform etter# professionall!# sociall!
Your Quest for Being Better 148

and financiall! ecause acrimon! etween husand and wife can ta)e
a heav! toll on their wor) performance. "f ever!thing is not well
etween them# without sa!ing or accepting it# the! might e going
through living hell. =n the contrar!# if peace prevails within the
partners# it%s heaven rought on earth for ever!one concerned and
connected. *n! effort or sacrifice for achieving that is worth it%s while.
Most people these da!s# want to live a life immersed in technolog!#
life st!le and lu/ur!. >/pectations have ecome s)! high. Comparisons
are rampant. >ver!one seems to e in race# wants ever!thing which
others have. Mindlessl!# we are after the mone! and material
possessions. >/pectations from marriage and life have increased and
so has the greed.
+nder this scenario# with women earning as much as men in most
cases# arranged marriage s!stem# which was the prevailing s!stem for
marital alliances for ages in "ndian societ!# is almost over. *nd ver!
appropriatel! soC Both men and women prefer to )now the partner
well efore marriage and rightl! so. Marriage age has increased.
Because of various reasons# joint famil! s!stem in "ndian societ!# !
and large# has ecome a thing of the past. -uclear famil!# with
husand# wife and children if an!# are living in small famil! units.
+nfortunatel!# marriages nowada!s done mostl! in star hotels or
farmhouses# have ecome more and more e/pensive. Crucial test
starts immediatel! after the marriage# when initial e/uerance is over
and couple settles down for real living. :ressure# stress# realities of
life# are then faced ! the couple. $hen couple faces these realities as
a team# it%s easier to overcome these natural challenges.
This lesson is the longest lesson of this oo) ecause institution of
marriage is that much important and has to wor) for individual
partners# for their families# in turn for societ! and for the countr!.
7amil! is the asic unit for humans all over the world. "t%s through the
institution of marriage that famil! is raised and sustained. $orld is
divided ! countries# castes# religions# continents# ethnic groups# color
of their s)in etc. ut institution of marriage is one common factor
amongst all humans. -ood! )nows for certain what future holds for
us as a race ut one thing is certain# which is that institution of
marriage cannot e changed or altered in spite of challenges# stresses#
prolems and man! ostructions# this pious institution of marriage has
een facing ' weathering since time immemorial.
"nstitution of marriage has all round effect on humans# mostl!
eneficial. 2ots of research has gone into the institution of marriage#
which has established that in spite of everthing, married people are
healthier, happier, caring and more productive. 7amil! raised through
the institution of marriage# is the est environment for raising children
who are the future of human race and who shall ensure its continuit!.
Children raised through marriage feel secure# are etter off in mental
and ph!sical health# less crime(prone and are etter team memers.

149 Your Quest for Being Better

$ithout dout# the! are etter human eings. Marriage ensures oth
continuit! and transmission.
Wise learn from o!n e8periences, !iser learn from others. Through
this oo)# " pass on to !ou what " have seen and learnt in last fift!
!ears. The lesson will give !ou a fair idea what to e/pect when !ou tie
the marital )not and how to tac)le man! prolems faced ! the newl!
wedded couple. %n marriage, there are no rights, onl duties and
responsibilities to!ards each other, children and to!ards the famil.
=nce !ou fulfill them# !ou will live a life of liss and happiness. "f !ou
don%t# hell is alwa!s there# awaiting.
,al3i!& of $aia&e, I alwa%s e$e$be a so!& fo$ a! ol"
hit Ra; 7apoos fil$ '-(--Y. <0um /um Ek ?amare mein bund
%on, aur c%abi k%o &ai=. ,a!slate" i!to E!&lish it $ea!s <$e
and you are locked in a room and key is lost=. Reall%, thats
what the $aia&e is. You have !o othe #hoi#e but to $a3e it
wo3 a!" wo3 fi!e withi! the paa$etes of the 'oo$.
Man! people thin) that mone can take care of everthing in life
and make ou happ. *ore ou have, happier ou !ill be. "f !ou also
thin) so# that means !ou do not have enough and need to wor)
towards !our maturit! levels and a alanced life. -ow# read this ver!
carefull!. %f ou have marital discord, life is living hell and miserable.
-ot onl! !ours# ut also of ever!one else%s connected with !ou#
children# parents# rothers# sisters# ever!one. "t generates an
unearale sense of disappointment and failure# irrespective of
howsoever successful !ou are in life in other spheres or how much
mone! !ou ma)e# because !ealth means nothing, if ou are living an
unhapp marriage.
To avoid that hell# ma)e good sincere efforts with each other. *ccept
what !ou have in !our partner. =ever think that ou !ould have been
better off !ith someone else because, appearances are mostl
deceptive. ;ou do not )now how and what other people are going
through. "t is something to see and admire someone ut living
together# is a totall! different allgame. :la! it well# pla! it sincerel!#
pla! it honestl!# pla! it to !our full unlimited potential.
Measure of partners% comfort and happiness with each other# can e
found out from their honest answers to the following simple
h!pothetical <uestions. ,iven a second chance, !ill ou marr the
same person again' and also ,iven a second chance, do ou think
our partner !ill marr ou'. "f !our answer to aove <uestions is
es# oth of !ou are ver! luc)!. "nvite !our close friends for dinner#
since it calls for a celeration. 3

RememerB 6a3i!& %ou $aia&e wo3 a!" wo3 well, is %ou
bi&&est #halle!&e a!" espo!sibilit% i! life. Eve% othe
a#hieve$e!t i! life, will al$ost a$ou!t to !au&ht, if %ou ae
!ot happil% $aie" a!" at pea#e with %ou life pat!e.
+uppessi!& %ou e&o, a 3i!" a!" u!"esta!"i!& e8pessio!,
Your Quest for Being Better 150

bei!& suppotive of %ou pat!e, a lovi!& "ispositio!, all wo3
li3e a soothi!& heali!& potio! a!" the esult is $aital bliss a!"
pea#e, whi#h will &ive %ou &eate satisfa#tio! tha! all othe
pleasues $i8e" to&ethe. .o a$ou!t of effot i! this "ie#tio!
is e!ou&h to a#hieve the ulti$ate i! life L A 1APPY 6ARRIA/E.

.ou #annot le)islate the &oor into &ros&erity "y
le)islatin) the ealthy out of &ros&erity.

=@. 4oes %ou 6o!e% +pea3 fo %ou> -e
/E.ER()+ & 7I.4. +ee it /ow %ou +tatue &
$a3e it +pea3 fo %ou.
There is lot of mone! around these da!s. ;ou can see and feel it
ever!where# with class! lifest!le# swan)! cars# ultra modern e/pensive
gadgets# marriage ceremonies conducted in five star hotels# e/otic
holida!s# it%s endless. ,When ou have it, !h not flaunt it, seems to
have ecome the vogue. Mindless# ordering on shameless# displa!
and show of wealth# is the order of the da!. >ver!one seems to e in
mad race for ma)ing more mone!# somehow# then showing it off to
impress others and ,be counted in%. :eople want to show(off their
wealth through their houses# cars# lifest!le# holida!s# jewelr! or
an!thing that glitters or attracts attention. $hen showing(off# the!
loo) at !our face to see that e/pression of ,wow%.
$ell# " have gone through the e/ercise umpteen numer of times#
eing the victim of the show(off spree. " feel ver! uncomfortale and
at times emarrassed# ut m! permanent feeling of pit for all such
people persists in spite of m! est efforts to feel impressed. The!
leave a ver! poor impression on me instead. Mone! and wealth which
the! have earned through hard wor) and intelligence# is eing put to
worst use# as if sa!ing % am high, ou are lo! or !hat is the use of
me making so much mone, if % have not made ou feel lo!.
"n this lesson# " would ma)e !our mone! spea) for !ou# loud and
clear. "t will sho! our big golden heart. "t will show that !ou care for
others as much as !ou care for !ourself and !our famil!. "t will show
!our good intentions. "t will ma)e !ou c!nosure of all e!es. "t will
ring !ou oth respect and reverence. That is /E.ER(+I,Y. -e
/E.ER()+. 8enerosit! ma)es !ou something different# something
apart. Best of all# it ma)es !ou a more humane eing.
8enerosit! puts !ou on a higher pedestal. "t ma)es people tal) good
aout !ou on !our ac). The! feel indeted ut people " have
mentioned in the first paragraph aove# feel inferior and rightl! so#
ecause the! have never felt good aout what the! do with their
mone!# while !ou alwa!s feel on top of the world. Best thing aout

151 Your Quest for Being Better

generosit! is that it ma)es !ou feel good aout !ourself# aout this
world# aout the creator who created this wonderful world for all of us
to live in and share.
8enerosit! does not mean# how much !ou have. 8enerosit! gives
!ou freedom to e generous with as little or as much. 8enerosit!
provides !ou something ever!od! wants# jo!# peace and happiness.
9o not wait to e generous when !ou will have enough. "f !ou can%t e
generous with what !ou have now# !ou would never e generous with
howsoever much !ou ma! have in future. :ostponing generosit!
means# !ou are losing a great chance for eing happ! now.
" would narrate here a stor! of a ten !ear old o!# which a friend
mailed to me. "t was when ice(creams or rather nothing was so
e/pensive. * ten !ear old o! saved from his meager poc)et mone! to
have a .undae ice(cream and went to an ice(cream parlor. $hile
sitting at the tale# he as)ed the waitress 9ho! much a 1undae ice-
cream costs'2 9IG cents2 she replied. The o! too) out the mone!
from his pac)et and started counting it. *fter counting his mone!# he
again as)ed the waitress 9ho! much a simple vanilla ice-cream costs'2
There were other people also waiting to e served# so waitress
egan to get a little impatient. 9FI cents2 she replied aruptl!. The
o! counted his mone! again and said get me a simple Vanilla
ice-cream2. The waitress served him the ice(cream and the ill. The
o! ate his ice(cream# paid his ill and left. $hen waitress came to
pic) up the cash# she had tears in her e!es. There# in the corner of the
plate# were 3E cents# her tip. The o! had ordered a simple vanilla ice(
cream instead of a .undae# so that he could leave a tip for her.
(pposite of ,enerosit is miserliness or being sting !ith mone.
/e!eosit% $a3es a >!oor8 $a! i#h. >$iserliness or being
stingy8 $a3es a i#h $a! loo3 poo. 8enerosit! is when !ou want
to share whatever !ou have now# not from the plent! !ou might have
later. Being generous elevates !ou in !our own e!es# which in itself#
feels great. ;ou have to love !ourself efore others love !ou. Mind
!ou# elevation does not mean to loo) others down. "t onl! means that
!ou respect !ourself# are a person of high self(esteem ' self(worth.
>ver!one li)es to e in the compan! of generous and large(hearted
people. Be one now and see the difference and feel(good factor !ou
create for !ourself.
*one plas a big role in life but it !ould make ou happ, onl if
ou are generous and kind in giving. "f !ou are feeling low# stressful
and pessimistic# then just tr! to e generous in giving# helping#
sharing. True inner feeling of jo!# optimism and positivit! will replace
those feelings of negativit!. "t is when !ou are compassionate and
s!mpathetic to others% pain and want to help and share# then mone!
rings true jo!# elation and happiness.
Mone!# howsoever much !ou might have# if used or spent onl! on
!ourself# !our pleasures or famil!%s# then !ou are missing a lot in life.
Your Quest for Being Better 152

$h!1 Because no one )nows the future and whatever one has# will e
left here onl!. ;ou can%t carr! an! of it with !ou. "f !ou have een
generous with !our mone! without an! e/pectations of return# then
!our name shines in ever!one%s heart. "f !ou have lived a life of true
dignit! and grace ! eing generous# onl! true happiness and jo!
results from such distinguished living.
"t%s !our mone!. ;ou have wor)ed hard for it. "t must e put to est
productive use# for !our happiness# elation and jo!. $hen !ou are
using it generousl! for helping those not so luc)!# giving it so that
someone or his children ma! not sleep hungr!# or responding to a
newspaper advertisement for helping someone out financiall! for his or
some un)nown child%s medical treatment# or for an! such charitale or
philanthropic causes# !ou are using !our mone! in a positive manner.
$hen !ou give with an open heart and hand# &e also gives !ou
aundance. $hen !ou stop giving# &e also stops giving.
$hile if !ou are using the same mone! onl! for !our worldl!
pleasures or materialistic gains or up(scaling !our lifest!le or putting it
in foreign an)s to escape ta/(detection# it is eing put to negative
use and negative uses of mone! onl! have negative effects in life#
sooner or later. This is nature%s law. -o one can escape the
conse<uences of negative uses of otherwise good mone!. Gust thin)#
has more and more of ever!thing these da!s# added to our real
happiness and jo!1 .imple answer will e a ig ,-=%. Then wh! not tr!
something different and feel the difference !ourself.
.ometime ac)# " read somewhere# a wonderful stor! aout human
grace# dignit! and generosit, titled 'Coffee o! the wall. $riter was
having coffee in a well()nown restaurant# when he saw someone
entering alone and sitting on the adjacent tale# ordering t!o cups of
coffee. 9(ne for the table, one for the !all2, he said. $aiter rought
onl! one coffee for him# served ver! respectfull! and pasted a slip ,one
coffee on the !all%. 8entleman paid for two and left. * little later# a
group of four people entered and also ordered an e/tra cup and same
wa!# waiter put another slip on the wall. Then he saw a poorl! dressed
man entering the restaurant and telling waiter 9a coffee from the !all2.
$aiter# ver! respectfull! rought a cup of coffee# served him and
removed one slip from the wall. *fter having coffee# he left without
pa!ing# since cost had alread! een paid.
Mind !ou# cost of an e/tra cup of coffee was insignificant# compared
to the jo! and happiness earned from this small act of generosit!#
generated within the giver. Cup of coffee is neither a necessit!# nor a
need# ut as a consideration for others when we reali0e that there are
so man! people# who would li)e to have a cup of coffee ut can%t pa!
for that# and ma)ing provision for that# is an ideal e/ample of
generosit!# sharing# giving and eing graceful. "t is a wa! of elevating
!ourself as a human eing. )ich " !ealth are dime a doCen these
das, but ,;=;)(01 are rare, so be that. <e generous like a )iver,
bountiful as 1un and e8hibit mother earth like $ospitalit.

153 Your Quest for Being Better

&ence it is in !our own est interests to e generous and enjo!
eing generous. * small act of generosit! ma! not mean or cost much
to !ou# ut it means a lot for the recipient. -ever e the slave of
negativit! or procrastination when !ou can e generous. "f !ou cannot
e generous now# !ou can never e generous# whatever or how much
!ou have. &ence# never postpone !our generosit! and )indness.
<?indness is a language :%ic% dea9 can %ear and blind can see=
said Mar) Twain. 3
RememerB La""e, whi#h lifts %ou up towa"s su##ess, has to
be hel" b% $a!% people. If %ou ae &e!eous, the% hol" it
ti&htl% a!" se#uel%, helpi!& %ou to $ove up a!" ea#h whee
%ou wa!t to be i! life. -% bei!& &e!eous, %ou ae pai" ba#3
$a!%9fol"s i! #ash a!" 3i!". It alwa%s pa%s to be /e!eous.

.ou #an live ea#h !ay ith the $orl! fille! ith the
&ro"le's OR rise ea#h 'ornin) an! e'"ra#e a orl!
fille! ith unseen solutions, ea)er for you to fin! the'.
The !e#ision is yours. /OT4 $OR%=S ELIST.
The one you ill #hoose, is the one you $ill Create.

=A. 4o %ou feel IRRI,A,E4 ofte!> ,hou&h
!atual, but .ot 4esiableE 0h% !ot "o
so$ethi!& about it.
"rritants are small prolems of routine occurrence# common to
ever!one. The! happen to each of us# man! times in a da!. .tarting
from the morning# during morning wal)# meeting someone we don%t
li)e# mil) oiling and spilling over# children getting read! for school ut
finding their dress not pressed# finding a flat t!re of !our D(5 wheeler#
une/pected heav! traffic or une/pected rain on wa! to office resulting
in reaching late for the meeting# while ever!one else has arrived and
hundred other such things# are the t!pe of irritants# we face ever! da!.
-o one li)es to have them# ut the! are part and parcel of ever!one%s
life. "rritants often happen at most une/pected time.
7irst let%s e clear in our mind# what is an irritant1 *n irritant ma!
e a small inconvenience# ph!sical or mental# which has to e endured
till it is attended. "rritants ma! e as ,small% as deserving no attention
ut the! shall remain there# irritating !ou till !ou attend to them
ade<uatel!. The est course is to attend to the nuisance immediatel!
and get over with it. Be tension(free# stress(free ! attending to the
irritant rather than postponing !our corrective action.
Your Quest for Being Better 154

"t ma! e a pele in !our shoe# ac) needs scratching# windscreen
of the car re<uires wash and cleaning# rear view mirror on !our car or
two wheeler re<uiring adjustment# gas urner in the )itchen needing
slight adjustment# one fl! or mos<uito disturing !our concentration
necessitating the use of the electronic rac)et# switching ,off% or ,on% the
*IC or adjusting the regulator of fan during night# electric or phone ill
needing immediate settlement etc. etc. There is no end of irritants in
da! to da! life. Better attend to them at the first call and e rid of
tension and stress the! are li)el! to cause if left unattended. 2oo) at
irritants this wa! also that if !ou do not pa! attention to them now#
the! shall )eep disturing !our peace again and again. *ttend to them
now since the! cannot e wished awa!.
These irritants will alwa!s e there and we can%t help. "f not this#
then that ut will e there# all the same. Things will go wrong# at least
some of them. Mostl!# we can%t do a thing aout them. But what we
can do is# how we ta)e them and react to them. "f we start losing our
temper or getting angr! or cursing someone or ourselves for all these#
their accumulated affect can e disastrous for our health# reputation
and relationships. Then what do we do aout these# since the! shall
)eep occurring# in spite of est efforts to avoid them.
$e must )now and reali0e that ever! time we lose our temper# get
irritated or react negativel!# our energ! levels are drained# mental
e<uilirium distured and efficienc! lost. Result ma! e loss of
reputation or patronage# poor performance# low productivit! and
various health issues. * life of alance# maturit! and wisdom entails
that our reaction to such irritants must remain calm# cool and matter
of factl!. $e must accept them as unavoidale part of life# accepting
them ut carr!ing on with life with grace and dignit!.
$hile we cannot do much for the irritants# ut can do a lot# how to
deal with them. That is# our action and reaction. =nce again# for most
of such things like meeting the person ou dont like, +ust ignore him
and carr on as if ou never sa! him, milk boiling and spilling, better
be careful ne8t time. %f the dress is not pressed, +ust take the iron and
press it. /inding a flat tre' ;ven if ,od had been using E-J !heelers,
flat tres !ill be there and even $e !ill have to get them fi8ed. 1o, get
it fi8ed. $eav traffic on roadA What can ou do' =othingA <etter start
earl from tomorro! and reach earl in spite of the traffic.
7or most irritants# !ou do not need to react at all. .impl! do what
ought to e done. 8etting on with what need to e done# will ta)e !our
mind off from anger and cursing and would help !ou with action part
which onl! is in !our hands. -othing else will help !ou e/cept getting
on with the jo and simpl! do it# instead of lamenting over things over
which !ou never had an! control. This world is not tailor(made for !ou
onl!# ut for the joint re<uirement of illions# who are residing here.
;es. =ne more thingC $hen it%s people who are responsile for the
irritation# s!mpathi0e with them# tr! to change them and if the! don%t#
accept them or leave them. 9on%t rea) !our head over them. Tr! and

155 Your Quest for Being Better

understand them and as far as possile# e good to them ecause !ou
are good. .preading goodness is the onl! wa! !ou )now. Moreover#
!ou have !our own standards to live for. ;ou have to maintain !our
dignit!# grace and honor. ;our actions are not guided ! others or
their ehavior. ;our actions are not a reaction to what and how others
are doing. ;our actions are alwa!s# how and what the situation merits.
2ong time ac) " met someone " didn%t li)e and was <uite cold to
him. Time passed !# then " started <uestioning m!self# ?what is
wrong with him. There is no sound reason to disli)e himJ. .oon# when
" changed m! outloo) for him# " felt that " was eing pett! and
childish. -ow we are good friends. &e has remained the same ut
when " changed m! mindset# " started li)ing him. :eople# mostl! are
good. "t mostl! depends on our own perception.
"n !our <uest for eing a etter human eing# tr! and understand
people# their ehavior and nature. 8et over the tendenc! to react and
!ou will find that !ou are initiall! less upset and with constant practice#
will not at all e upset ! things of dail! occurrence# things going
wrong# people reacting negativel! with anger and aggression etc. "t is
human tendenc! to retaliate and meet the aggression with aggression.
But not !ouC Remaining calm and cool# maintaining !our poise under
stress and never ever reacting negativel! to negative situations# is a
wa! of life for !ou# ecause !ou want to e a etter humane eing. 3
RememerB 6ost people will ea#t !e&ativel% to !e&ative
situatio!s a!" people. .ot %ouE -e#ause, %ou ae a peso! of
substa!#e, a bala!#e" hu$a! bei!& with $atue outloo3 &ivi!&
"ue #o!si"eatio! a!" espe#t to fellow hu$a! bei!&s. Let
s$all iita!ts whi#h $a% #ause avoi"able stess a!" te!sio!,
have !o pla#e i! %ou life.

4o 3air you have "een in %ife, !e&en!s
on your "ein) Ten!er ith the .oun),
Co'&assionate ith the A)e!, Sy'&atheti#
ith the Strivin) & Tolerant of the $ea(
"e#ause so'e!ay in your life, you oul!
have "een or 'i)ht "e, all of these .

Your Quest for Being Better 156

=B. Cha!&e what %ou #a!. ACCEP, what %ou
#a!!ot. 4o!t Cib, "o!t Citi#iFe, "o!t -la$e.
A##ept people as the% ae.
Criing# complaining# critici0ing# laming# grumling are all irds of
the same feather. 7or an!thing going wrong li)e getting late for office#
not getting telephone connected# heav! traffic on road or a traffic jam#
rude people# maid not coming on time or spea)ing rudel!# weather too
hot# cold# rain! or dust!# train or flight eing late# people are uncaring#
politicians are ruining the countr!. ;ou name it and the! have
someone to lame for it. >ver!one# e/cept themselvesC
2ife is full of choices. *cceptance# non(acceptance of people#
situations and things# is one of them. >ver!one lives# eggar and )ing
oth. .till# ! improved and innovative thin)ing# etter choices#
accepting the right and rejecting the wrong# we can self(improve# self(
empower the wa! we will live and touch others% lives. "f not for
ourselves# we should do it for others# our famil!# friends# societ! and
countr!. But# unfortunatel!# negativit! in the form of critici0ing#
laming and complaining# has ecome a wa! of life for most of the
people. $e attract negativit! ! eing negative and attract positivit!
! eing positive.
Change is the constant. Change to self(improve and innovate# we
should alwa!s e loo)ing for# in life. *cceptance# non(acceptance is the
part of that change. To improve# we must change and change often.
Changes in ourselves can e rought with relative ease# if we are
determined and committed to improve our life# which rings etter
rewards not onl! to us ut also for ever!one connected. "f we )eep
doing what we have een doing# the wa! we have een doing# then we
shall )eep getting the same results. $e cannot improve our life# since
we have not changed. ,#o improve is to change, to be perfect is to
change often, is the rule for a rewarding life.
&owever# where others are concerned# affecting change in them# is
<uite difficult. $e feel happ! and satisfied when we are ale to. But
mostl!# what do we do# when we are not ale to change them. 7irst
thing what we can do# applies to ourselves onl!# that we should not
feel disappointed or disheartened. :eople are li)e that onl!. -o one
wants to leave their comfort 0one and usher in changes# which
positivel! give them various amount of discomfiture.
To understand the aove point# re<uires little understanding of
human nature. >ver!one has his own value s!stem# haits# li)es#
disli)es and want to remain within the parameters alread! drawn.
*ccepting them as the! are# is the onl! viale and practical choice for
most of the people. Most of the acrimon!# resentment# dissatisfaction#
hate# jealous!# itterness and hostilit! e/ist in this world# when we do
not accept others as the! are and want them to e# how we want
them. $hile we want to have the freedom of eing what we are# we
don%t want others to have that freedom. $e )eep criing# critici0ing

157 Your Quest for Being Better

and laming others for what or the wa! the! are. .uch a mindset is
neither justified nor acceptale to others# which is the root cause of all
ill(will# ad lood# disharmon! and unfriendliness.
"f !ou anal!0e the world histor!# most wars and loodshed# which
has happened in the ages past# the! were fought ecause one part!
thought themselves superior to other and wanted to sujugate them.
$hen it was resisted# various wars and loodshed happened. 7or
e/ample# in +e#o!" 0ol" 0a# &itler thought Gews were inferior
race and needed to e e/terminated to ma)e this world inhaited onl!
! ,superior% *r!an race. This totall! degenerated thin)ing# led to the
e/termination of millions of Gews and other so(called ,inferior% races. *
ver! sad# reprehensile and unfortunate chapter in the histor! of
man)ind# was thus written. Though &itler and his war machine# was
ultimatel! decimated# we must learn from such unfortunate events of
histor! and never accept human degeneration of this )ind in future.
9ifference etween humans and all other species inhaiting this
planet# is intelligence and thin)ing# which we have and others don%t.
>ver! other species# accepts this world and their status# as it is. But
not humansC $ith our intelligent mind# we compare ourselves with
other people and find various anomalies ( shortcomings# superiorit!#
appearance# financial status# intelligence and man! more common
human traits. $ith our intelligence# we can find the opposites of the
aove repulsive or attractive and thus# acceptable or not acceptable.
.ometimes# we do not accept ourselves also as we are# ecause of
man! differences# we notice through our e!es or intelligence. $hen we
see our imperfections compared to others. .ometimes# our mindset
uilt mostl! on outer appearances# revolts when we are aggressive or
feel inferior# when we are docile. This non(acceptance of others as
the! are or ourselves as we are# in our own mind# creates havoc within
our lives. $e also )now that we can change nothing# neither the
person nor the situation or the circumstances# when we don%t accept
them# creates lots of prolems# dissatisfaction and acrimon! in the
relationships and within ourselves. .ometimes# we get irritated that
the! are unale to understand a simple thing. "t ma! e simple for
!ou# ecause !ou )now the suject ut for others# it might e <uite
difficult. ;ou ma! e good in something# others ma! not e so good in
that ut good in something else# of which !ou ma! not even e aware.
7or e/ample# when we deal with our suordinates# emplo!ees or
children# we want them to understand ever!thing instantl! what we
have tried to e/plain or ma)e them understand. Most of the times#
when the! do not understand that# we do not accept it and lose
temper or e/hiit foul ehavior in various degrees. $e must
understand human nature etter and understand the positives and
negatives of each one of us. $e have to e patient and cooll!
understand others% capacit! and capailities. $e should alwa!s tr! to
loo) things from other person%s angle and perspective.
Your Quest for Being Better 158

&ow an ace international footaller from *rgentina or Bra0il will loo)
if# li)e .achin# !ou put entire atting attire on him and as) him to at
against "shant or *shwin. &e will either run awa! from atting crease
at the speed of "shant or dance at the spin of *shwin. $e have to
accept the fact that for an ace footaller# it is not possile to e a
great cric)eter and vice versa. $hen we deal with others# e our
emplo!ees# children# spouse# friends# relations or associates# we have
to accept their intelligence or understanding capacit! as it is# to have
smooth wor)ale and enjo!ale relationship# which can e life%s liss
when !ou accept them or curse# when !ou don%t.
2ife is all aout relationships in which acceptance# non(acceptance
factor pla!s a ig role. But when we ac)nowledge and accept others
and ourselves# as the! or we are# it is the eginning of the life of great
satisfaction# grace# dignit! and humilit!. .uch a life adds to our self
confidence# empowerment and poise. But we shall alwa!s strive to
change and improve ourselves and others around us and should never
accept our own shortcomings and e complacent aout them.
$e have two main categories of relationships in life# friends and
relatives. $e can choose friends and normall! li)e(minded onl! will
ecome friends. But there is no choice aout parents or close relatives
li)e rothers# sisters# cousins# uncles or aunties# whom we have to
accept as the! are. &ere also# how close relationship we maintain with
them and their acceptance level# is also a matter of choice. But
parents# rothers or sisters with whom we have to live as famil!
initiall! at least# must e accepted as the! are.
&owever# this lesson will e incomplete without discussing the
,acceptance% level of the marriage partners# though the matter has
een discussed in detail in another lesson titled >$arriage s%ould be
a duet. 6%en one sings, ot%er cla!8. >ach partner must accept the
other as he or she is# for a health! marriage. "n marriages# where this
does not happen# are disastrous up to different levels.
$hen we do not accept the partner as heIshe is# we will )eep finding
faults# highlighting shortcomings# critici0ing# criing aout other%s
haits and wa!s and mind !ou# when we loo) for all these things in
other person# we shall find plent! and life can ecome hell for each
other# children and those connected. This acceptailit! part is a must
in a marriage for peace# jo!# tran<uilit! and happiness in life. *nd once
again# " shall stress on this point ecause# it is not onl! at home ut all
!our professional achievements and enjo!ment of fruits of all such
achievements# depend on acceptailit! factor in marriage. "t is the
dut! and responsiilit! of oth partners that marriage ship sails
smoothl! ! acceptance of the partners as heIshe is.
&owever# there are man! things in life which are totall!
unacceptale# such as dishonest, corruption, cheating, crime,
insincerit, violence, crime against !eaker sections in our societ and
against !omen etc. $hile we should )eep tr!ing to eradicate them as

159 Your Quest for Being Better

much as possile# it is unfortunate that we do have to live with them
ut never accepting them# alwa!s endeavoring to change or punish
those who indulge in those acts.
=ur focus in life should alwa!s e on constant improvement and
empowerment# which is possile onl! ! sta!ing positive. $hen !ou
focus on troules# prolems# dissatisfaction# acrimon!# unfriendliness
or disharmon! ! laming and critici0ing others# !ou are inadvertentl!
inviting them# giving them a red carpet welcome. Then# these things
come in hordes in !our life# leaving no space for jo!# happiness#
satisfaction# contentment etc. But when !ou focus on large(
heartedness# aundance# gratitude# than)sgiving(living(sharing# !ou
are inviting jo!# happiness# satisfaction and contentment and mind
!ou# when that happens the! also come in hordes in !our life.
-ot accepting what we cannot change# is the eginning of most of
our troules in life. $hile# acceptance of realities of life# people# their
asic nature which is difficult to change# spouse%s faults and
shortcomings, usher in an era of satisfaction and happiness in our
lives and also those around us. *cceptance is inviting positivit! in our
lives and non(acceptance is inviting negativit!. 3
RememerB Life is !ot pefe#t, !o ae people. It is full of
i$pefe#tio!s. /oo", ba" a!" u&l%, ae the #eatio! of the sa$e
/o". Lea! to a##ept ea#h othes faults, shot#o$i!&s a!"
"iffee!#es a!" $a3e it a ewa"i!& life fo %ouself a!"
eve%o!e aou!" %ou. 0he! life &ives %ou a hu!"e" easo!s to
#%, show life that %ou have thousa!" easo!s to s$ile.

COURA0E? =oin) hat e thin( is ri)ht.
3olloin) our Cons#ien#e, refusin) to #o'&ro'ise
on &rin#i&les, !es&ite &ressures an!
te'&tations to the #ontrary.

=C. At of C(66).ICA,I(. is vital fo +u##ess.
,hose who #o$$u!i#ate well, +hi!e & e$ai!
ahea" . 6aste the At.
*n arm! 8eneral is onl! as good as his communication networ). "f
his communication fails# he is not as good as even a soldier ecause
the soldier can do a lot with his riffle# while a general does not have a
riffle. &is jo it is to issue ordersIinstructions# which can e carried out
onl! through his communication networ). This is not true of arm!
generals onl! ut also of ever!one else# ecause ever!od! needs to
Your Quest for Being Better 160

communicate and communicate well# to e affective in life.
"rrespective of how good !ou are in various life s)ills# if !ou are poor in
communication s)ills# end result would not match !our true potential.
"n human eings# tal)ing is the most asic mode of communication.
But we should tal) or sa! something ecause we have something to
sa!# not ecause we must sa! something. >ver! relationship toda!#
depends upon how good !ou are in communication. $hile spea)ing#
whether one to one# to a group or pulic# e straight# plain and clean.
9o not e artificial with pretentious gestures. Bod! language# facial
e/pressions and tone# also pla! important part in communication#
which should alwa!s e positive.
Term 1elf-made is often used# which# in fact# is misleading. -o one
can e successful onl! ! hisIher own efforts. "t%s onl! through others%
support# cooperation# encouragement and help# that !ou can reach
where !ou want to. *nd for others to support !ou# cooperate with !ou#
encourage or help !ou# !ou need to e good at something ver! asic#
communication s)ills. *nd communication s)ills include ever!thing in
life ! which !ou e/press !ourself to others i.e. conversational s)ills#
8roup discussion# pulic spea)ing# tone# motivational education# od!
language# self confidence# helpful and compassionate unselfish
attitude# )eeping group interest aove individual selfish interests#
empathetic approach where others are concerned and man! more
things ! which !ou ma)e !our good intentions# determination and
commitment )nown to ever!one connected.
.resentation word is of common use these da!s. $ithout adding
power and punch to !our presentation# !ou cannot affectivel! put forth
!our point of view across others or sell products or compete in alread!
saturated mar)ets. ;ou ma! have est product range or services# ut
it needs e<uall! good communication s)ills in the shape of power
presentation# to put the product or service across the prospective
users and u!ers# to ma)e them want to use or u! !our products or
service. :ower presentations are needed to put !our views across#
adding punch to the product# service# fund collection for philanthropic
purposes# motivating citi0ens# wanting them to come out of their self
created shells# self imposed restrictions# limitations and innumerale
other things in da! to da! life.
$hat is pra!er1 :ra!er is nothing ut !our connectivit! or
communication with whichever 8od or deit! !ou elieve in or sa!# !our
creator. Gust ! closing !our e!es and directing !our thoughts towards
&im# !ou communicate with &im and see) divine lessings. ;ou feel
much lighter# satisfied# happ! with soothing inner feeling. That%s wh! "
recommend !ou to egin !our da! with a pra!er and also pra! efore
retiring to ed ever! night. This communication with !our creator# to
egin !our da! and end it with a pra!er Than)ing &im# help !ou#
motivate !ou and fill !ou with positivit!# confidence and hope aout
life. ;our 8od is !our est friend and all! whether things are going
right or wrong ecause !ou can alwa!s count on &im.

161 Your Quest for Being Better

I! $aie" life, communication pla!s a vital role. $e can tal)
things over# ma)e vital rea)throughs in the differences which are
normal and natural etween partners# it is s!mpatheticall! listening to
the partner%s viewpoint# it is discussing the children%s future# parents
and other famil! matters in the confidence# e/plicit faith and warmth
of each other%s sense of fair(pla!. * happ! marriage is the one in
which oth partners alwa!s feel free or want to communicate with
each other# rather than rooding over things# creating
misunderstanding and distrust. &appiest couples alwa!s )eep their
communication channels wide open.
"t is said that silence of the dear ones is more disturbing than the
noise of the strangers. =nset of silence etween the partners or an!
dear one# is a ver! ominous sign# which means break or lack of
communication etween the individuals and it is their pious dut! and
responsiilit! to restore it# )eeping their ego and arrogance aside# for
the est interest of famil! as a whole# children or relationship in
particular. Ma)e a general wor)ale rule in life. *lwa!s )eep the lines
of communication open and undistured. 9on%t ever stop tal)ing.
Communication is the lifeline of relationships.
=serve these a#tos. Best actors do not onl! act well ut their
main fort is dialog deliver. * simple dialog# masterfull! delivered#
rings the actor more accolade than good acting. $e have aundance
of self(st!led 8od(men# :riests# &ealers# 8urus# .wamis# *char!as of
various hues and cries. Most of them tr! to impress the gullile people#
speciall! wealth! people# who are fearful from inside ecause of
various worldl! factors. "n spite of the fact that most of these 8od(
men are selfish# self(see)ing or self(serving# who amass huge
fortunes# the! all have one thing in common without e/ception. The!
are all master orators# since the! have mastered the art of
communication on which the! all# without e/ception# thrive.
Be it a salesman# mar)eting e/ecutive# teacher# leader# actor#
popular TV commentator# defense commander or an!one who matter#
one has to e good at communication to ma)e a success of whatever
he is doing. &istor! is replete with such names whose true )nowledge#
no one )nows ut since the! were good communicators# the! emerged
as great leaders and rememered in world histor!. 2eaders and
change(ma)ers such as Mahatma 8andhi# -elson Mandela# *raham
2incoln# *dolph &itler# $inston Churchill# Martin 2uther Aing# .uhash
Chandra Bose# Vallah Bhai :atel# .teve Gos# and man! more who are
rememered and revered toda!# ecause of their master! in oration#
writing or discussion# which is all different wa!s of communication.
"t is ver! unfortunate and depressing that in spite of art of
communication# eing of paramount importance for ever!one# no
educationist or government has ever thought of this vital important
thing to e taught as a suject in an! school. $ave belief and faith in
ourself and our abilit and start making our o!n individual effort to
Your Quest for Being Better 162

learn and practice the art of a good communicator. ;ou can learn
ever!thing with practice. *n!thing in life can e achieved if !ou want it
adl! enough. $hatever !our mind conceives# !ou can achieve. .o
start toda!# eing the most ,auspicious% of all. 9o not dela!# do not
procrastinate. Toda! is The 9a!.
Gust start !ourself or a small group of close friends# to practice pulic
spea)ing# reading# oration# writing# mar)eting# salesmanship# group
discussion# an!thing which helps !ou to e/press etter# communicate
etter. -ever hesitate or miss an opportunit! to address a group or
pulic spea)ing# writing a letter or an essa! on an! urning issue. But
efore !ou spea)# listen# ma)e a mental plan as to what to spea)#
organi0e !our thoughts and then spea) with clarit! and vision not to
impress# ut to e/press.
>ver!one has an invisile signoard hanging in front of him sa!ing
9*ake me feel important2. >ver!one wants it and li)e it that wa!.
Communicate thus that others do feel important. Communicate to
admit !our mista)es. Communicate to e/press not impress. 9o not
feel sh!. *ll great and good communicators initiall! were li)e !ou and
me. But practice ma)es one perfect.
" have never felt as petrified e/cept when first time " was invited to
address a small gathering of some )nown or un)nown persons. 7irst
time and the onl! time# " stammered. But after that pitiale speech
long ago# " was ever more determined to e good at pulic spea)ing.
.o " practiced hard and now " do not re<uire a minute%s notice. " do
not care whether " am a good spea)er or ad# ut " can spea) and
e/press m!self to communicate m! viewpoint across reasonal! well.
* lot of self(confidence and self(elief has een added to m!
personalit! ecause of this.
.pea) in a well modulated voice# never showing irritation# alwa!s
e/hiiting calm and cool manner and temperament. Be resolute in
learning this useful art. 2i)e ever!thing else# put !our heart and soul in
the relentless practice and once !ou have mastered the art of
communication# !ou will never loo) ac). Mind !ou# it%s not onl! the
art of good spea)ing# ut e good at art of listening# which also is an
important means of communication which helps us to ac<uire
)nowledge. * good listener is more popular than a good spea)er.
*lwa!s# as far as possile# )eep other person%s perspective in !our
mind to reach his heart# spea)ing or listening. That%s simple wa! of
winning over people. 3
RememerB .othi!& i! this wol" is be%o!" %ou, if %ou wo3 at
it. /oo" #o$$u!i#atio! is $oe pa#ti#e a!" obsevi!& othes.
Its !ot 3!owle"&e. /oo" #o$$u!i#atio! s3ills ae e!tiel% i!
%ou ha!"s. Pa#ti#e $a3es a peso! pefe#t.
Say, +T4AN> .OU,.
No a#t of servi#e is too s'all to A#(nole!)e.

163 Your Quest for Being Better

?D. +tess, ,e!sio!, 0o% o Fea, ae all the
sa$e, lea"i!& %ou to $ise%. 0i! the$ ove &
lea" a Rewa"i!& life.
*ove four demons occup! a rent(free space within most of us#
sometimes with our )nowledge# other times# without our )nowledge.
But without e/ception# we invite them ourselves and provide them a
rent(free space to live within us. The! ma)e us afraid# impatient#
resentful# touch!# intolerant# sensitive and angr!# thus wea)ening our
inner core ut )eep living within us# even ecoming a part of us# a part
of our personalit!# our second nature. The! are a ig road loc) to our
personalit! development# happiness# success and growth.
These demons must e con<uered over and thrown out of our
s!stem# which onl! would lead us to a rewarding# stress(free life. >ven
when a ,guest% comes to our house uninvited# how difficult it is to
throw him out. "magine how difficult it will e to throw out someone#
who enters our s!stem with our invitation and has een living there for
a long time. "n the mean time# we have learnt to live with it. .ince# we
have een living with these demons for a long time# we have got used
to them. $e have got into the hait of remaining tense and stressful
without )nowing. Basic human nature is such that when we get used
to something# howsoever ad# we find it livale and do not mind it#
irrespective of its ad affects on us.
But tension# stress# fear and worr! are li)e corroding agents in the
s!stem# which# li)e corrosion# urn and deteriorate our inside slowl!#
graduall! ut surel!. These are mostl! imaginar! and self generated.
More we thin) aout them# igger and more ominous the! ecome.
$e ecome their slave. =ur thin)ing# attitude# life(perceptions ecome
negative and ! hait with thus self induced negativit!# ecomes a
wa! of life with us. But# for a health!# happ!# satisfactor! and lissful
life# which is the aim of this oo)# it is of utmost importance that !ou
get rid of stress and tension# which generate worr! and fear within us
and ma)e our life miserale.
.tressItensionIworr!Ifear are the root cause of man! common self
generated or aggravated diseases such as diaetes# h!pertension#
cardiac prolems# asthmatic conditions# general disenchantment with
life# loss of trust and hope# depression which introduce us to the
vicious circle of doctors# medicines and diagnostic las# at heav!
pressure on our od! and finances. These are also called lifest!le
diseases ecause of the defective and eas!(going lifest!le most people
have chosen these da!s. .tress is mostl! mind(related# it is eas! to
control it if we are determined and eradicate the disorder completel!
and live a life of peace and freedom from miser!.
"t is little difficult ut# once we are at it# we can accomplish an!thing
including freeing ourselves of the menace of stress and tension which#
Your Quest for Being Better 164

with time# ecomes a part of our personalit!# our second nature# a
monster living within us. "n life# if and when we thin) ourselves igger
than the prolem itself# prolem ecomes smaller and we can con<uer
it with relative ease. -ow read the following carefull!# repeatedl!# if
necessar!# to get the etter of !our tension and stress which is leading
!ou to worr! and fear.
*part from that# there are a numer of lessons in this oo)# which
can e used for relieving !ourself of this menace. .ince# the matter is
of vital nature# follow the guidelines given elow religiousl!. Rid
!ourself of the demons of stressItensionIworr!Ifear and live a life of
total freedom# jo!# dignit! and liss.
3. A##epta!#e of the things, people and situations, !e cannot
change, is the first step towards living a stress(free life. +nfortunatel!#
non(acceptance of people# things or situations ecomes a ig liailit!
for us. $e must accept the realities of life and learn to live with them
with grace and dignit!# since we cannot change them. Most stress and
tension is imaginar!# mind generated# causing worr! and fear. B! not
accepting realities# we )eep feeding the demon alive within us# which
corrodes our inner self# destro!s our ver! eing.
D. $hatever is trouling !ou# i$a&i!e what wost #a! happe!>
"n most cases# !ou will find that even if the most unli)el! worst
happens# still it would not reall! matter much. "maginar! demon
ma)es the imaginar! ad situation igger and igger. 8et into the
hait of )eeping !our mind filled with happ!(health! positive thoughts.
$ith constant practice# mastering over ever! failed attempt# !ou will
see and feel that !ou can )eep !our thought control or rather thought
management in etter control. "ts onl! a matter of practice and if !ou
do not leave the attempt of thought managementIcontrol midwa!# !ou
will e successful. -ever start an!thing half(heartedl! and leave it
midwa!. .uccess will e !ours# if !ou )eep tr!ing.
P. Postpo!e$e!t o po#asti!atio! of an! matter !ou are
stressed# is li)e adding fuel to the fire. 7uel is the dela! which is eing
added ! !our elu#ta!#e to fa#e the situatio! -=$ oldl! and
finish the matter# once for all. 9o what !ou are stressed aout#
fearing# facing the situation oldl! with determination# mentall!
imagining !ourself igger than the situation# !ou will feel stress
leaving !our head and great relief and peace ta)ing it%s place. $e
often )eep postponing things or avoid meeting the situation head on#
which adds great deal to the stress# serves no purpose since we must
meet the situation sooner or later. =nce !ou start doing what ought to
e done# half the attle is alread! won. #hings are never as bad as
the appear to be. =nce !ou decide to grapple with the situation# !ou
ma! e surprised that it ma! turn out much easier to handle than
what !ou initiall! thought. 2ife is simple# when !ou do something now
which ought to e done now. B! postponing# !ou simpl! complicate
things# ma)e them comple/ to handle. .o# 9= "T -=$.

165 Your Quest for Being Better

5. =nl! ,7a$a GA#tio!H i! the fo$ of ,(4AY, is in !our hand#
not the result (tomorrow). Tr! and ta)e this lesson to !our heart. 9o
not e stressed aout the result# which is not in !our hand and
unnecessaril!# when !ou )eep thin)ing aout the result or rewards#
!ou are self generating and inviting stress to !our s!stem. Be
detached from the result and ma)e it a point of doing !our est# which
onl! is in !our hand. :eople# who are enslaved ! the present osolete
thin)ing and mindset aout ever!thing eing result oriented# might
laugh at !ou. 2et them. "t%s !our life and !ou need to e innovative
and change !our mindset. Concentrating on ,Aarma%# improves the
<ualit! of action !ou put in and deliver etter results and improved
performance. :ersons of action are least stressed. The! are too
engrossed in action. Both stress and action are mind generated and
mind can onl! hold one thought at a time. $hen mind is us! directing
!our od! into est of action# there is no place for stress there.
E. *mong the man! reasons for chronic stress# things and situations
li)e lack o9 communication and %olding back feelings from near
and dear ones, being e8cessivel competitive in various fields, being in
hurr all the time, meeting deadlines, not liking our profession, facing
an intervie! or e8am, general dissatisfaction !ith life, being impatient
or thinking that life or people have not been fair to ou, or being
overtl sensitive etc. are common. *ll these situations are controllale
! changing !our mindset# slowing the pace or ! simplif!ing !our life.
Gust thin) rationall! for !ourself. *n osolete mindset# not wanting to
change and continuing in !our present comfort 0one# can e ver!
ominous. Thin) and live independentl!# not how others will loo) at it or
how !ou can impress others. "t%s !our life. 2ive as per !our wish not as
others want !ou to live. &ave full control and full responsiilit! for it.
Q. 1ealth is 0ealth. 8ood health is an antidote to stress. 7or good
health# !ou have to eat health! and e/ercise on a regular asis. >at
health!# in nutshell means# !our food should mainl! consist of
vegetales and fruits# more proteins and limited caroh!drates and
fats# regular meal timings# no overstuffing# drin)ing lots of water.
&owever# !ou must avoid tast! ut harmful jun) or fried foods# avoid
aerated drin)s or pac)ed fruit juices which are not re<uired and are
ver! harmful in the long run# avoid red meats li)e mutton and eef.
2et TV ads not control !our or !our child%s thin)ing and future.
Because it is taught in their schools# oth m! grand daughters# Ragini
and -aina# aged eleven and four respectivel!# will not go near an! of
the jun) foods. "f an!one does# the! immediatel! point out the ad
affects of jun) foods. "n .ingapore schools# no aerated drin)s# fast or
fried foods# are allowed to e sold in school canteens. Ma)e a routine
of morning wal)# jog and e/ercise. Breathing e/ercise (:rana!am)#
!oga and meditation help a lot to remain stress(free. 8ist is# to give
health issues priorit in life and never sa % do not have time.
Your Quest for Being Better 166

6. Lau&hte, the -est 6e"i#i!e. 2ife is naturall simple ut#
unfortunatel!# we have made it complicated and comple/# tr!ing not to
live our wa! ut live to impress others. .o we ta)e ever!thing ver!
seriousl!# which shows on our morose and sad(loo)ing unsmiling
faces. 2aughter is our iggest weapon against stress# in fact# our
iggest stress(uster. * separate lesson is there in this oo) on
laughter. Read it# instill it to laugh !ourself# famil! and people around
!ou. .hed !our ego and ma)e fun of !ourself. :eople will love and
respect !ou. 9ispense ever!thing which ma)es !ou serious and
morose loo)ing.
K. -e 3i!" a!" 1elp othes to "e9stess. * lad!# who was in
great mental stress and pain# ecause of death from cancer of her
husand and also of her onl! son in a road accident# while wal)ing on
road# found a adl! wounded pupp!. .he too) her to a vet and nursed
it to get well. To her ama0ement and surprise# she found herself totall!
de(stressed with her act of )indness and help. "t just occurred to her
that if helping a small pupp! can ta)e awa! all the pain and agon! of
her life# what if she helped those not so luc)! in whatever wa! she
could# oth materiall! and ph!sicall!. $hen !ou help and e )ind to
others# !ou tend to forget !our own pain# stress and tension and find a
purpose in life. .o alwa!s e proactive whenever there is an
opportunit! of eing )ind and helping others. ;ou do that to help
!ourself ! forgetting !our own pain and stress.
4. +low "ow! the he#ti# pa#e !ou have pac)ed in !our routine
and the numer of activities. 9o not hurr!# lead a hassle(free life and
remain un(harried. $orld is not going to end or disappear# if !ou don%t
hurr! up. "t is possile onl! when !ou ma)e up !our mind to do the
same. 9o ;oga regularl! to calm !our mind and also to rela/ !our
muscles and nerves.
3F. Pa%e a!" Faith helps a lot to remain stress(free. Aeep !our
communication channels alwa!s open with 8od. .ince stress is all
mental and mostl! imaginar!# a read! pra!er whenever !ou are
stressed# helps a lot to de(stress. 8et into the hait of rememering
and than)ing &im for all &is goodness and )indness. :ra! whenever
!ou feel that !ou are thin)ing negative or negative thoughts are
entering !our mind. When looking all around does not bring the
ans!er, tr :((5%=, 0..
.ince stress is asicall! mind related# living with stress is li)e living
with miseries. 9o as suggested in aove ten points and e free from
the menace of .tressITensionI$orr!I7ear with little practice. 3

RememerB Fo %ou sa3e, fo %ou fa$il%s sa3e, fo the sa3e
of %ou pofessio!al su##ess i! life, "o as su&&este" above a!"
be stess9fee. If %ou ae #ho!i#all% stesse", %ou will !eve
e!;o% bliss, ;o%s, #o!te!t$e!t, satisfa#tio! a!" thousa!" othe
thi!&s, whi#h a tul% ewa"i!& life has to offe.

167 Your Quest for Being Better

?1. I.I,IA,IVE. Loo3 aou!" & obseve what
!ee"s to be "o!e. 5)+, 4( I,, without bei!&
tol" to "o.
"n last fift! !ears# " have oserved people closel! and have seen that
those who too) initiative stood out# irrespective of their educational
ac)ground and how the! fared in studies. " have seen an almost
illiterate construction wor)er whose )nowledge# judgment and
common sense aout uildings# was far etter than most engineers. "n
factories# there are umpteen numer of supervisors called ,maistries%#
who applied their in(uilt intelligence and did a super jo# who went
e!ond their manifested area of responsiilities# who were trusted to
do jos# which even <ualified engineers could not e entrusted.
,"-"T"*T"V>% is to do something without eing told to do. "n other
words# "nitiative can e called to do or get done what needs to e
done. .ome people will onl! do the assigned jo# while other few will
do a complete jo# what needs to e done. *fter having done whatever
the! were told to do# people with initiative will alwa!s loo) around and
see what else needs to e done# irrespective of having een told to do
or not# the! shall also do that additional thing unhesitatingl!# which
needed to e done.
:eople with initiative are upeat aout life# positive thin)ers and will
alwa!s find a wa! to do the tas) though there might e man! ovious
ostacles. -eedless to sa! that such people are valued and respected.
The! do not put forward lame e/cuses as to wh! jo could not e
done. =nce the! are told# the! can e relied upon to deliver. 7es is
their favorite word. The! are trusted ! their superiors. The! are
rimming with confidence and leadership <ualities. Their attitude is
alwa!s positive. The! not onl! do things themselves ut also get
things done. "rrespective of their ran)# <ualification or seniorit!# this
trie is alwa!s chosen and trusted to accomplish whatever is desired
! the compan! or organi0ation.
.impl! put# ta)ing initiative is one <ualit!# which is an attriute of all
leaders in an! field# ecause eing a leader means# !ou are at the top
and !ou are alwa!s alone at the top. ;ou ma! have assistants or
deputies to assist !ou ut the! wor) on !our instructions. *s a leader#
!ou have to thin) and device# what else needs to e done# in addition
to whatever !ou have een told to do or accomplish. .o the leader has
to thin) and act for others to follow. "n followers% mind# leader has to
e etter than them. B! ta)ing initiative where ever needed# he proves
himself to e etter and more <ualified to lead them.
*n! person of initiative# is alwa!s a potential leader. =nce he is
emplo!ed and salar! and terms fi/ed# he is on the jo# never
othering to loo) at the responsiilities entrusted to him on paper. &e
does whatever is as)ed of him and more# !hatever needs to be done.
&e willingl! does whatever e8tra needs to e done. That%s how his
Your Quest for Being Better 168

performance falls in e/traordinar! categor!. &is outloo) is result
oriented. &e shines ecause he never sa!s this is not m +ob or !h
should % do it, % am not paid for it. Being an achiever# he alwa!s does
more than what he is paid for. &e worships his wor) and does not
relate it to remuneration he gets.
=ften# a person of initiative or potential leader# ecomes a part of
the compan!%s thin)(tan) and rises high in compan!%s hierarch!. &e is
an achiever# goals and targets# notwithstanding. "n his dictionar!# no,
cannot be done or not possible do not e/ist. &e is a doer and
elieves in getting things done. *nd from those under him# he e/pects
the same efficienc! and attitude. &e does not accept no as an answer
from his suordinates. &e guides them# helps them# motivates them to
perform etter and touch greater heights. +nder or with him# the! can
reach their potential fast. .eople !ork !ith him not for him.
Mone!# honor and recognition# follow the person of initiative. &e
does not have to demand higher pa!. &is osses pa! him more not
ecause of his academic <ualifications or degrees# ut ecause of his
utilit! and value. "nitiall! his pa! ma! not commensurate with his
achievements ut sooner he and his performance and utilit! is
recogni0ed and his pa! has to e as per his value to the compan!#
otherwise competitors are alwa!s on the loo)out and hunt for such
people of value.
"n da! to da! life# where ever he is# ta)ing initiative is his wa!.
&elping people# organi0ing them# first to introduce himself
unhesitatingl! rather than standing aloof in a corner or remaining
within the compan! he )nows est# himself arranging the chairs
instead of waiting for the ,laor% to do that and thousand other things
happening all around ever! da!. &e need not e thrust responsiilit!#
he assumes responsiilit! with which comes leadership. &e does not
wait for others and show the wa! to others who willingl! follow him. "n
fact# initiative is the ver! ase on which leadership grows. +mpteen
e/amples# all through the histor!# can e followed.
Mahatma 8andhi# -elson Mandela# *raham 2incoln# .wami
Vive)anand# .wami 9a!anand .araswati and man! more# all through
the histor!# too) initiative and gave this world innovative ideas and
revolutions. The! were never deterred with difficulties or ostructions#
which come to ever!one. The! too) initiative to do things differentl!
and lead the wa!. -aturall!# masses followed them. $hen faced with
road loc)s# the! too) detours and found wa!s for people to follow.
=othing !orth!hile can be achieved in life !ithout taking initiative
!hich lies in taking calculated risk. "f !ou alwa!s pla! safe and ta)e a
path which alread! man! have ta)en# there is nothing much in it.
That%s how mediocrit! is so common these da!s# ecause !ou are not
prepared to ris) an!thing. This is not to suggest that !ou should ta)e
rec)less ris)s li)e a gamler. -o# it%s the calculated ris) we are tal)ing
aout# which must e ta)en at ever! step. $e have to ta)e well
thought(out chances in life to reach the coveted goal.

169 Your Quest for Being Better

9ominant <uestion in the mind of a person of initiative# is not !h
or !ho# ut first !hat can be done, then ho! to do it. 7aced with
an! situation# his mind goes to this doer <uestion !hat can % do and
ho!. &e learns from the past ut is alwa!s loo)ing at the future. .ince
he is a doer# he does not lame# cri or critici0e an!one. &e meets
ever! challenge with confidence and self elief. Basicall!# he is not
controlled ! the events. &e controls the events ! measured
response. &e does not react to the events ut respond to them
positivel! for favorale outcomes. &e never allows the circumstances
to victimi0e him. &e meets ever! challenge with confidence# thus
creating opportunities.
.ince initiative and leadership go hand in hand# tr! it an!where and
ever!where. -ever leave an opportunit! to ta)e initiative# where ever
!ou are. =ever hesitate to volunteer in an situation. <e the first to
sa a smiling hullo. <e the first to introduce ourself to a stranger. <e
the first to smile at people to get a smile back. <e the first to call
someone on his birthda or greet them on their anniversar. 4o not
hesitate, do not procrastinate. %nstead take initiative, do it before
others can even think of.
9oing thus# !ou are creating goodness and space in others% hearts
through this principle of initiative# ecause initiative is the staircase to
effective leadership. -o one )new or told the leader# to do what he
did# so that he could ecome# what he ultimatel! did. .o also !ou can.
Ta)e initiative# e the first# e at the top and remain there. 3

RememerB -% ta3i!& i!itiative, o"i!a% people have be#o$e
e8tao"i!a%. Lea"es, who bou&ht i! u!i$a&i!able #ha!&es
i! $illio!s, who followe" the$E ,hee is !othi!& i! life, whi#h
#a!!ot be a#hieve", if %ou set %ou $i!" a!" ae "ete$i!e" to
a#hieve it. 5ust &o ahea".

Ayn Ran! 'ust have ha! In!ia in 'in! in 'in! ritin) this ?

I $hen you (no that in or!er to &ro!u#e 'ore, you nee! to
o"tain &er'ission fro' those ho &ro!u#e nothin), hen you see
that 'oney is floin) to those ho !eal Not in 0oo!s "ut in
favours. $hen you see that 'en )et ri#h 'ore easily "y 0raft
rather than 4onest $or( an! your %as No %on)er Prote#t you
a)ainst the' "ut &rote#t the' a)ainst you.
.ou (no that your so#iety is ruine! E

Your Quest for Being Better 170

?2. LA)/1 & the wol" Lau&hs with %ou.
LA)/1,ER, is the -E+, 6E4ICI.E & i!"ee",
%ou +()L +()PE.
Best moments for a mother are when she touches her infant%s face
tenderl! and the infant# first responds with small giggling sounds# then
smiles at her and if infant laughs# opening its teeth(less mouth cavit!#
she forgets ever!thing and drowns in the liss of the infant%s laugh.
*nd what a sight it is# when an infant laughs. 1ee, 1ee he is
laughing% starts all around. $ell# not onl! laughter of an infant for the
mother# ut an!one laughing# ma)es a ver! pleasant sight. -o wonder
it is said :augh and the !orld laughs !ith ou. ,rieve, but ou grieve
alone. 2aughter# indeed# is !our est preventive medicine with
wonderful side effects. * heart! laugh replenishes !our energ! levels
and sheds off unwanted letharg!# ma)es !ou h!per active.
Then# wh! is it that most of the people do not ma)e use of this
heart(warming emotion called 2*+8&T>R1 $h! is that anger is more
common than laughter1 $h! is that# such a wonderful emotion#
laughter# is so repressed1 $h! is that !ou often see and hear people
shouting their heart out angril!# ut their giggles and laughs are not as
common1 -o wonder# civili0ation seems to have lost its wa!# got its
priorities wrong. .eriousness has ta)en over and has ecome a wa! of
life# which continues till death. That%s wh! !ou can see hordes of
serious and morose faced individuals all over# ut ver! few people#
who can dare to laugh heartil! in pulic.
+nfortunatel!# seriousness and anti(laughter mindset starts from
childhood or sort of# infanc!. 7oundation of a person%s character and
performance is laid during childhood. But# as soon as a child crosses
two and half !ears or so# he is put in so(called pla! school# nurser!#
2A8 and +A8. * child who wants to have his full <uota of sleep# is
forced to get up earl! and has to get read! to go to school. Child ma!
cr! hoarse# not eat or vomit# ut must he go to school at such a tender
age# when he should e laughing and pla!ing with his or her friends.
&e comes ac) home loaded with home wor) and all through the da!
is tensed# thin)ing# again he has to go to school ne/t morning.
:arents never care to see or feel child%s stress and tension ecause
the! must ape others and afraid of their child (read ,them%) left ehind.
*s a child grows# more and more stress and tension is pumped into his
curriculum. $e# thus# throttle a person%s capacit! to laugh# right from
the childhood. &ow can a person who has never learnt to laugh# right
from the childhood# can ever laugh heartil! during adulthood1 *
person# who is in the rat race right from the childhood# can onl! give a
fa)e laugh ut cannot laugh his heart out. .uch a person# does not feel
the need to laugh and feels uncomfortale when others laugh.
=pening of morning laughter clubs ! enthusiasts# has een a
rilliant idea. Though man! have closed# ecause of noise and
disturance the! create in the neighorhood during the morning%s

171 Your Quest for Being Better

,ungodl!% hours# ut it is heartening that man! are still functioning and
doing a good jo. 2i)e(minded people# who want to start their da! with
heart! laugh# find it ver! health! and satisf!ing. Man! positive
relationships etween the li)e(minded develop and prosper.
This life is ut one chance given to us ! the divine. 2ive it full!# to
the rim ! )eeping a constant positive approach and laughing
!ourself and ma)ing others laugh. 2aughter is contagious. 2ife is est
lived simple# in which# alwa!s feel free to laugh. >njo! the freedom of
laughter and true happiness when !ou laugh together with !our
spouse# friends# parents# famil! memers# colleagues# superiors#
suordinates# associates or even strangers. 2aughing together is the
est that can happen in an! relationship. 2aughter cements the
relationship and ma)es it shoc)(proof.
2aughter is not onl! preventive medicine# it is also a great healer not
onl! of man! ailments ut also of relationships. "t thrills !ou and those
around !ou. &owever# alwa!s laugh with others ut never at others.
This is never done ecause it can ac)fire on !ou and hurt !ou at most
une/pected moment. -ever ma)e fun of an!one in front of him or in
his asence. Ma)ing fun of an!one ecause of his ph!sical appearance#
ph!si<ue# color# dress# the wa! he tal)s or stammers# food# caste or
state he comes from# e/hiits poor pedigree and upringing.
Best is# learn to laugh at !ourself which most people can%t. $hen
!ou can ma)e fun of !ourself in front of others# the! shall simpl! get
attracted to !ou li)e a magnet. 2aughing at !ourself# is an indirect wa!
of conve!ing !our honest! around. -ever thin) that# what if others will
also ma)e fun of !ou. $ell# there is another lesson for !ou to learn
here. "f an!one does# ta)ing advantage of !our roadminded and
large(hearted nature# he is not worth !our friendship. 8et rid of him.
>arlier# the etterC &e is immature and childish# not up to !ou. &e can
let !ou down an! time and in all proailities# will ta)e undue
advantage of the relationship.
* person of laughter is alwa!s sought after and is the centre of
attraction in an! gathering# meeting or societ!. &e ma)es the tense
atmosphere light ! his read! harmless witt! remar)s and humorous
anecdotes. &e is li)e a magnet. &e attracts people and the! want to e
in his compan! ecause mostl! people are fed up eing with serious
and morose loo)ing human eings all through the da! and want some
entertainment and enjo!ment in the compan! of such people# wherein
whose compan!# the! can laugh their heart out. &e provides them the
rela/ation of mind and comfort# ever!one adl! needs. >ven the
serious t!pes need that.
M! father was li)e that. &e would liven up the atmosphere where
ever he was# ! his jo)es# witt! remar)s and old and new interesting
anecdotes. &e never missed an opportunit! to ma)e fun of himself to
ma)e others laugh. "n m! native# *gra# he was ver! fond of morning
and evening wal)s in the near! par). $hile wal)ing# there were
Your Quest for Being Better 172

alwa!s man! fellow wal)ers# wal)ing with him to enjo! his compan!.
&e would wal) ac) home himself in the morning# ut " would go on
m! motori)e in the evening# to ring him ac). "t was ver!
heartening to see lots of people enjo!ing his compan! even during
e/treme cold weather# sitting in the open. " could alwa!s feel their
disappointment seeing me come to fetch him. >ver!one loved his
compan! and wanted a it of soul soup he had to offer to all and
sundr!# )nown and un)nown.
"t is true !hat soul is to the bod, :aughter is to the soul. "ndeed#
laughter is the sunshine created ! 8od for !ou. 3

RememerB Eve%o!e has his ow! poble$s i! life. -oth &oo"
a!" ba" ti$es ae /o"s &ift. +o e!;o% the &ift of life, /o" has
blesse" %ou with, b% lau&hi!& a!" $a3i!& othes lau&h.
Lau&hte is /o"s &ift o!l% to hu$a!s. A!i$als #a!!ot lau&h.
,hats wh%, the% ae seious fa#e". -ut %ou bei!& a hu$a!, #a!
alwa%s lau&h %ou a"vesities off. Lau&hi!& to&ethe is the best
&u$ to #e$e!t a!% elatio!ship. )se this &u$ i! abu!"a!#e to
$a3e %ous a ewa"i!& life ,o&ethe.

3or your ha&&iness, in#lu!e other &eo&le,s 4a&&iness
in your on & feel the =ifferen#e

?:. ,I6E is the esse!#e i! life, "iffee!#e
betwee! +u##ess & Failue. Put this #o$$o"it%
to -est )se. .eve waste ,i$e.
2ord has divided our life into D5 hours slots. But no one )nows how
man! slots have een allotted ! the almight!. =ur past# present or
future accomplishments depend upon# how well we have used each
slot. To how much productive use# we have put each slot. 7or success#
more than hard wor)# one re<uires organi0ed effort# which is how well
we have een using our time slots.
*lmost one third of our life spent in sleep# that is to regain and
regenerate our energies for the other two(third part. &ow well we
utili0e leftover si/teen hours and to how much productive use# we put
these si/teen hours# will onl! determine how much successful we have
een in life. To ma)e success paradigm happen to us# we must start
from the asics# the foundation. "f a strong foundation has een laid in
childhood# !ou stand etter chance at ma)ing a success of life. "f not#
chances are that much less. But life gives !ou repeat chances. .o#
whether !ou are !oung or old# parent or not !et# process of learning is
alwa!s ,on% and it%s never too late learning an!thing new at an! age.

173 Your Quest for Being Better

T"M> is the most precious commodit! !ou have. To whatever !ou
devote <ualit! time# grows. To whatever !ou do not devote <ualit!
time# does not. "t%s a simple e<uation# no comple/it!. :rocess of
utili0ing !our time productivel! must start now. -ot a moment to e
lost# if !ou want to live a rewarding# enjo!ale# happ! and satisfied
life. "f !ou are a parent# it is !our pious dut! to guide# discipline and
teach !our children# how est to utili0e their time from now onwards#
to enale them to reali0e their desired goals in life.
&ow productive !ou can ma)e those wa)ing si/teen hours1 2et%s first
ta)e 1ealth. $ithout good health# !ou are nothing. -ever sa! there is
no time for health issues, lest a time ma come, !hen ou !ill have
to rotate our time around doctors, specialists, medicine shops and
diagnostic labs. 9evote at least one hour to loo) after !our health. 8et
into the hait of getting up earl!# ecause aout seven hours of sleep
is sufficient generall!. "dea is to get out of !our comfort 0one and
devote time to productive activities. Cumulative effect of even one
e/tra hour dail!# will ma)e a lots of difference over the !ears. Ma)e an
e/ercise regime li)e jogging# wal)ing# !oga# general e/ercise# floor
e/ercise# g!m or an! activit! which ma)es !our muscles supple# lood
circulation etter and soothes !our mind. *lso include ten to fifteen
minute for deep reathing e/ercise (:rana!am) in this.
That would leave !ou with 3E(3Q wa)ing hours at !our disposal. ;ou
need time to get read!# ath room# newspaper etc. apart from transit
time to and from office will var! from individual to individual# which
leaves !ou with 3D(3P hours at !our disposal# from which minimum
eight hours will go to whatever jo# profession or usiness !ou are
doing. This leaves !ou with four to si/ hours which# if put to productive
use# can e ver! fruitful in the long run.
This 5(E hours of <ualit! time and organi0ed effort put in an! or
man! productive activities dail!# can wor) wonders towards !our road
to success. "n other words# if !ou use these 5(E hours productivel! for
!ears# how much !ou add to !our efforts and resultant growth. "n
addition !ou have .at.# .unda!s and other holida!s# which again give
lots of time to add to !our goal see)ing activit!.
+nfortunatel!# we have created too man! distractions to put these
5(E hours to productive use. Right from the childhood# we get used to
things li)e TV serials# cartoons or other entertainment programs.
"nitiall!# so called educative serials might loo) good for children ut
most of them are not. These serials are made ! professionals who are
hired ! the channels to ma)e mone! and the! )now what children or
!ou li)e most. The! )now ver! well that a good% serial is one which
after watching D(P times# viewer ecomes addictive and cannot remain
without watching them.
$hatever time !ou or !our children are devoting watching these
serials# is waste. Children# in due course# get so addictive to these
soaps that the! shall do an!thing to watch them. ;ou must stop this
Your Quest for Being Better 174

colossal waste of time in the name of entertainment. 7or children# it is
not onl! the watching time# the! )eep thin)ing aout them and cannot
concentrate on their studies or other productive activities which the!
must indulge to ma)e a mar).
*part from TV# so much time is wasted reading comics ! children
and adults ali)e. Thic) fiction novels are read in the name of rela/ation
and entertainment or so(called reading habit. "t is etter not to read
rather than reading such addictive novels. $atching cric)et matches#
gossiping or just whiling awa! time# are other avenues# how we waste
this precious commodit!# Time. * child or even an adult# will learn fast
the negative part# alwa!s ignoring the positive side# if an!.
Then coming late to meetings# wasting ever!one%s time in waiting# is
another e/ample of colossal waste of this precious commodit!. "n spite
of the fact that individuall! we "ndians are as good as an!od! in the
world# ut collectivel! we have failed# ecause we neither respect our
time nor others% time. >ven our :arliament and state assemlies are
non(functional most of the time# ecause of one reason or the other.
"magine how much it costs in terms of time and mone!# one
adjournment after another# ma)es them totall! unproductive.
"magine the time wasted in courts. *djournment after adjournment
has made moc)er! of our entire justice s!stem. Cases go on and on
for decades# death of witnesses# judges# advocates# accused and other
parties# during the endless trials# notwithstanding. *n!where !ou go#
there is waiting# which means waste of this precious commodit!# time.
>ven in the restaurants# doctors# interviews# ration shops or waiting to
meet a government officer# !ou )eep sitting on a ench outside his
office# while he is us! having a gossiping session with his colleagues
with endless cups of tea and snac)s.
Then# not )eeping things at proper place# wasting time in finding
them# at times with flared tempers and avoidale arguments. &ouse or
office# there must e proper place of ever!thing where it has to e
)ept# so that no one wastes time in finding it. >ver!one )nows where
to find it and finds it there. "t ta)es the same time to )eep something
at this place or that# so wh! not to put it at the proper place1
-ow a word aout priorities in lifeC 9efine and understand !our
priorities clearl!. .ince ever! activit! ta)es time# !ou have to
differentiate and understand the time !ou must devote to important#
not so important and unimportant activities. "t is li)e that DEHI6EH
rule in usiness e/plained elsewhere in the oo).
;ou want to reali0e !our goals and amitions in life# respect !our
time and others% time. ;ou can ma)e this precious commodit! most
productive for !ou and for !our children# ! adopting a positive
attitude aout time. Thin) and do what is good for !ou# !our famil!
and children. ;ou might lose man! attles in life ut aim at winning
the war ultimatel!# for !ou# for !our famil! and children.
"nstill the <ualit! of productive time use in !our children and la! the
foundations of a right future for them. ;our children will ever e

175 Your Quest for Being Better

than)ful to !ou for that. "t is etter than wasting mone! on celerating
hi fi B%da!s# holida!s# u!ing e/pensive gifts for them. "nstead of
mone!# spend as much time with children as !ou can. 9on%t ape
others. 2et them do what the! want ut !ou do what is est for !our
famil!. 2et them laugh at !ou now ut# !ou will have the last laugh.
*ll of us want our children to do well in life# get into prestigious
institutions li)e ""Ts# ""Ms# 9efense academies# "*. or e<uivalent
services or professions. * few months or an !ear efore entrance
tests# we run to coaching academies# pa!ing heavil!. Compare this last
ditch effort# to sa! ten !ears of cumulative productive time use for
!our child# ! inculcating good haits right from the childhood !
enforcing time discipline# not wasting time in TV serials# comics#
movies# novels# gossiping# la0ing around lethargicall! and man! more
attractive# entertaining ut addictive time wastes.
*ll interests and food tastes are ac<uired. -o one is orn with
particular food taste or interests# which are developed in childhood.
;our mother fed !ou certain t!pes of foods# so !ou li)e them. "n "ndia#
people watch cric)et right from the childhood. .o the! li)e to see
cric)et. "f !ou were orn in *rgentina or Bra0il# !ou would watch
.occer. Changing li)es and disli)es midwa! is difficult# ut doale with
effort. &owever# if sound haits are formed right from childhood# it is
much etter since !ou have laid a strong foundation for !our child for
his future. *stute parenting re<uires alanced handling of the child to
form sound haits in the child. 9o not aim at winning popularit!
contest in parenting. ;our child%s future is more important.
Changes which are vital# must e rought in earl!. "nitiall!# we ma!
not li)e ut with enforced time discipline# we will# as ever!one does. "f
!ou can instill the hait of proper use of time in !our child# there is no
etter gift !ou can give to him. * child is a child# after all. But !ou are
grown(up and have seen it all. ;ou )now what is est for him. "nstill
good haits which help him in the long run. Teach him to respect time#
his and others%. >ncourage him to sta! awa! from TV# novels# social
networ)ing# comics or gossiping sessions with friends. "nstead#
encourage him to stud!# read self(improvement and life(s)ill oo)s#
pla! games# devote time to some sort of social service# which are all
health! options.
"n !our present mindset# !ou might find these things difficult for
!ourself or enforcing !our children to such things which most other
children or people are not doing. ;es# the! are# initiall!# definitel!. But
if !ou )eep doing the same things# same wa!# results will also e the
same. &ence# the need for the changed mindset for the future good of
!our child# can never e over(emphasi0ed.
$hat is happening in our countr! and societ! are the cumulative
effect of !ears of neglect and indiscipline# lac) of character# wherein
we have ecome so much used to the eas! wa!s# that an!thing
different puts us off. $e want to continue doing things# the wa! we
Your Quest for Being Better 176

have een doing. $e want progress and growth ut do not want to
sacrifice an!thing or change. +nless we start from the asics# nothing
will ever improve. "t ma! ta)e long time ut we have to e patient.
There reall! is no alternative to that. $e have to start all over again#
which actuall!# we should have done when we ecame independent.
$e have to start from the famil!. $e have to change our mindset and
enforce discipline to have a new generation with different values#
morals and time discipline. 3

RememerB 0ith eve%o!e havi!& o!l% 2= hous slots, wi!!es
ae those who $a3e best use of those 2= hous. ,o be a
wi!!e, %ou $ust u!"esta!" that ti$e is the $ost pe#ious
#o$$o"it% %ou have a!" shoul" !ot be waste" o! $e&a ,V
seials, ea"i!& fi#tio! !ovels i! the !a$e of ea"i!& habit,
&ossipi!& o letha&%. ,i$e is the esse!#e of life, $a3e $ost
po"u#tive use of it, to be i! wi!!e #ate&o%.

Every Relationshi& is Rule! "y UN=ERSTAN=IN0,
"e it <arria)e, Parentin) or 3rien!shi&.
$here ever E'otions are involve!,
Un!erstan!in) A&&lies.

?=. +tat +$all, E!;o% -i&. I&!oe all s$all
thi!&s but e!;o% all s$all pleasues life has to
*ll great and ig leaders and other persons of the world# when came
out of their mother%s wom and too) their first reath# were small#
cr!ing li)e an! other infant. -o one# at that time )new# how ig the!
would get# how the! would change the world or how the! would affect
millions of other lives. >ven when !ou have to wal) a thousand miles#
first step has to e ta)en. >ven for Taj Mahal or 8reat wall of China#
first ric) was laid. >ven all ig usinesses of the world !ou see toda!#
might have started from a one room shac) or ma! e a garage.
.ame wa!# 2ife%s umpteen small pleasures are our Treasures of
&appiness# Contentment and 7ulfillment. $hen accumulated# these are
igger than an! ig pleasure for which we )eep waiting till eternit! ut
it never seems to come or when it does come# it%s alread! too late or
our priorities have changed or we have lost interest. &appiness in life
should e found along the wa! and not at the end of the road.
2oo) forward to getting up earl! to a eautiful da!# completel!
rela/ed and tran<uil after a good night%s sleep. >ver!da! 2ife showers
us with umpteen small :leasures# Go!s and &appiness# which we do

177 Your Quest for Being Better

cherish ut do not value. 8etting up a little earl!# going for morning
wal) reathing divine fresh air. * cup of tea# afterword# is heavenl!.
7l! high# live large# dream ig ut enjo! ever! small thing !ou feel
good aout. Be a tough minded optimist.
$hile driving down to office# just halt !our car efore a :edestrian
crossing the road or give wa! to an old couple tr!ing to cross the road.
.mile and 8reet !our .taff with ,-amaste%# ,Vana))am% or ,ood
*orning and see them fortif! !our usiness. $hile dictating letters to
!our suppliers and customers# write an e/tra line conve!ing !our
special ,1A.7+ and /RA,I,)4E. 8reet !our customers with a smile
to ma)e them feel valued and see !our usiness 0oom to glorious
heights. >nsure that !ou conve! !our appreciation for their
cooperation ' support.
2ong ago# " discovered# the Go! of lots of small small things during a
da! journe! from 9elhi to 2udhiana in a .econd Class Railwa!
Compartment. Thrill of sitting on a $indow seat in the running train at
3DF AmIhr.# passing lush green fields# small villages# water(odies#
telephone and electric poles. Thrills and Go!s !ou never e/perience
while traveling ! air. "nside the compartment# children enjo!ing the
train ride# pla!ing# fighting# rh!ming and most of all laughing and
smiling at smallest prete/t. Go! and pleasure of eating 7ried gram with
2emon and =nions and those delicious roasted peanuts. Most of the
fellow travelers appeared to e happ! lot. "t was jo! to watch them
enjo!ing the train ride# which is alwa!s missing in air travel where !ou
are mostl! surrounded ! morose and serious loo)ing faces.
2ife is full of small :leasures and Go!s which rings us =ceans of
&appiness. 1elpi!& othes# gives us jo! which we ma! never feel
otherwise. &elp !our child with lessons. &elp a lind person to cross
the road or help someone on the road to pic) up fallen things or just
hold the door for someone. >/pression of gratitude in recipient%s e!es
from these small jos# is !our reward. 2ife%s !word is help. $elp
others for our $appiness. %f ou !ant ,od to help ou !hen ou need
help, help others !hen the need help.
$hen we tal) of jo! of small things# 5o% of &ivi!& is something
which one cherishes just li)e helping. This societ! has given us so
much. $e can never repa! in full measure. >ven if we repa! in small
measures# it would give us lots of Go! and &appiness. Ma)e a principal
in life ,ive !hatever ou can !henever ou can. 7ou dont give for
others happiness, but for our o!n happiness. >ach small act of
)indness and giving# adds to !our self(esteem# uilds self(confidence
and ma)es !ou a person of sustance.
.urel!# !ou want to live a healthier life# start with small changes.
*dd little salad here and there. Gust replace those Vadas# Bondas or
,delicious% :aranthas with "dlis# :ongalI+pma (prepared with little oil#
not the usual stuff) or add fruits I vegetales to !our diet. Change
!our dietar! haits slowl! ut change all the same. Ta)e stairs instead
Your Quest for Being Better 178

of lift# start morning wor)out for thirt! minutes to start with# increase
water inta)e graduall!# reduce sweet inta)e or decrease sugar in !our
tea or coffee and reduce salt inta)e. $anting to stop smo)ing# or
those endless cups of sweetened coffee or aerated drin)s or jun) food
inta)e1 Follow ?P Rule. Bring in small changes graduall!.
.ame is true of wealth. *ll ig 7ortunes people uilt# were small at
one time. "t%s not necessar! that one inherits great wealth. ;ou can
create great wealth ! starting to save earl! in life with specific small
amounts. *void small wasteful e/penses or e/penses incurred to show
off. .top loo)ing others% approval or appreciation. Create !our "nner
Values rather than false prestige. >njo! ever! small 8od%s gift. 9o not
wait for something ig to happen. >njo! ever! small thing to have a
ig cumulative effect in life. Aeep loo)ing for small pleasures# which
are there in great aundance.
There are man! small things in life which come to us as 8od%s gift.
Real enjo!ment in life is not owning and accumulating ig# then
leaving ig for !our inheritors to fight over it. To see a smile on a
hungr! face# to see !our emplo!ee%s children eing educated with !our
help ' support# donate for a cause to see the cause growing and
ma)ing so man! people happ!# are the real treasures of life. .ponsor a
child%s education and compare his photograph efore and after !our
help and enjo! the difference.
Most great or ig things as we see them toda! started small and
grew slowl!. .elf(Creation# .elf("mprovement or .elf(>mpowerment
comes when we ma)e small definite adl! needed ehavioral changes
in our life. Bring in attitudinal changes slowl!# graduall! ut surel!.
.ince# we do not )now aout life eing short or long# at least start
enjo!ing all the da! to da! small things 8od has gifted us with. $e are
ver! fond of finding fault with others or ma)ing small needless and
harmless comments. -o. .uch unwarranted ,harmless% loo)ing
comments harm !ou onl! in the long run ecause ! uttering un)ind
words for others# !ou onl! e/pose !our immaturit! and uncaring
attitude. =ften# we hear critical remar)s for food we eat at home or
during functions as someone%s guest# which are totall! unnecessar!
and show us in poor light. This might appear a small matter to !ou ut
no# it%s not for the one who has ta)en the troule to coo) the food or
organi0e the function.
This oo) is aout positivit! which also inspires !ou to ecome a
large hearted person. &ence# ignore all small things# said or oserved.
2ife is precious and so is the time. 9o not waste it on small things.
"gnore all such things. 9o not complain# do not cri# do not get into
cursing hait as !ou see things going wrong. Ta)e an optimistic view
and do what !ou can# rather than start cursing# criing or
complaining. "n such a large world# things have to go wrong
sometimes# which we must accept ut ta)e a positive view and act#
not cri. *nd show !ourself ig enough to ignore all small things.

179 Your Quest for Being Better

B! our small acts of genuine goodness# we should create happiness
and positivit!# where ever we are present. These are the attitudinal
changes needed. -ood! sees !our an) alance or !our financial
worth. :eople ma)e estimate of !our true worth ! small gestures of
creating and spreading goodwill# happiness and jo! around ! !our
small courtesies# civic sense# good manners# consideration for others.
;our success in profession# usiness or jo is mainl! for !ou or
famil! to cherish. 7or others# !our small gestures matter more than
an!thing else. :eople have short memories and shorter penchant for
what !ou achieved. But how !ou ehaved# !our small gestures# acts of
)indness and courtesies are rememered for long time. 3

RememerB A!%thi!& s$all, whe! a##u$ulate", be#o$es bi&.
You eve%"a% s$all &estues of spea"i!& &oo"!ess a!"
happi!ess, $a3e a bi& "iffee!#e to othes, bi&&e to %ou
peso!all%. ,ou#h othes lives b% %ou s$all wo"s, &estues,
#outes%, &oo"will to #eate hope & wellbei!& fo othes.

0OO= %I3E? 0OO= %I3E? 0OO= %I3E? 0OO= %I3E?
$hen you assu'e nothin), =o 'ore than &ai! for, S'ile 'ore
often, =rea' /i), %au)h a lot & realiHe ho /lesse! you are for
$hat All .ou 4ave.

??. 4o %ou alwa%s feel huie", haie", o
hassle"> ,% & sta% blissfull% #al$, see!e &
#ool fo opti$u$ po"u#tivit% & effi#ie!#%.
&ave !ou ever noticed the calm and cool wa!s of mother nature1 "t
is so serene and tran<uil out there. +mpteen natural activities are
going on all around us# without noise or an! noticeale movement. $e
see the results of all such activities ut no activit!# hassle or hurr!#
an!where. $e see rivers flowing# vast oceans# huge forests# animal
)ingdom ' plant )ingdom with illions of living species# seeds
germinating# flowers lossoming# sunrise and sunset# moon# illions of
stars# all moving aout in their predicted or projected course# calml!
and <uietl!. -othing seems to e happening# ut ever!thing is going
on its own# without noise# disturance or movement.
&owever# it%s not that nature is never in hurr!. $henever nature is
in hurr!# it means storm# c!clone# hurricane# tsunami or some other
)ind of devastation. "t all adds to one thing that our ver! nature is
calm# cool# serene or tran<uil. But seven illion humans who are
living on the planet earth# alwa!s seem to e in hurr!# are hassled and
harried. $e do not seem to have time for an!thing or an!od! e/cept
Your Quest for Being Better 180

for ourselves. "n spite of a record numer of time and laor saving
devices# which were never availale to an! other generation in human
histor!# ever!one is in a hurr! and do not have time for an!thing
e/cept mone!(ma)ing. -umer of people !ou would come across with
potentiall! life threatening ailments# even have ,no time to go to the
doctor. $e have no time to thin)# onl! ape ecause aping saves us
lots of time. 2eave aside# !e have no time to stand and stare, mostl!
we feel totall! isolated and lonel!.
8od has given twent! four hours to ever!one. "f we plan them well#
there will e no need to unnecessaril! hurr! and feel hassled. >ver!
action initiates from our mind and then# processed through our od!
parts. $e can onl! move them a little faster when we tr!. But a well(
planned action# can e ver! efficientl! accomplished# if we proceed in
an orderl! well(thought(over manner. Most of the time# when we
hurr!# wor) ma! not e so well done and results into a shodd! jo. "t
might have to e done all over again or mended time and again#
causing avoidale waste of time# irritation and anno!ance
+nfortunatel!# culture of target(setting# has ta)en it%s toll on societ!.
2ife has ecome totall! target oriented for most of the people. There
are targets for ever!thing. Mindset has ta)en root that nothing can e
accomplished unless !ou set stiff targets. This mindset has given rise
to lots of dishonest!# distrust# l!ing# cheating and man! other
negatives. 8overnments also have put targets efore the officers
which often result into data fudging# misrepresentation and
misinterpretation of facts or actual figures and so man! other unethical
practices# which have ecome common ut wa! of life these da!s. *
trend# unfortunatel! though# seems to have een set that what
matters is the end# not the means which leads to avoidale hurr!#
unethical practices and pressure tactics. >nd result of such a hassled
and harried mindset# ma)es people burn out fast# and is neither
health! for the individual or the societ!.
-ear anarch! prevailing on our roads# e/plains est# our osession
with hurr!. =ver(speeding# signal jumping# overta)ing from left side#
driving on the right side of the road# which is meant for opposite
direction traffic# not giving wa! to pedestrians even at 0era crossings#
are all too common. "t all happens ecause ever!one seems to e in
hurr! to get to their destination in no time. Because of all such things#
there is lots of road rage and stress on the roads.
:eople simpl! do not seem to care# are impatient and intolerant.
9angerous 0ig0ag driving is rampant. "f !ou ta)e a fraction of second
e/tra to move after signal turned green# hon)ing in irritation from
ehind can e heard for miles. :oor pedestrians are alwa!s at ris) and
get injured or even )illed# simpl! ecause some car driver or motor
c!cle rider is in great hurr! to reach destination. "t all results in small
and ig s)irmishes and accidents on roads which are ver! much
avoidale# if we start well in time# )eeping road and traffic conditions

181 Your Quest for Being Better

in mind. "t never crosses our mind that such )ind of hurr! and hassled
driving# onl! puts ourselves at ris) first.
7rom instant coffee to two minute noodles# microwave ovens# to
instant clic)s on computers and other gadgets# which give us the
desired results instantl!# we want onl! those. $e have ecome
intolerant of an!thing which ta)es time. "nstead of ph!sical and
mentall! rela/ing long train journe!s# we want to get to our
destination at fast pace to travel ! air# stuffed in a close compact
o/ filled with artificial air# artificial people and same old TVs with
movies and other entertainments online. $e go to a doctor for relief
from pain or other ailments# ut want fast acting medicines
administered# for instant relief. The doctor# )nowing our ps!cholog!#
administers high doses of anti(iotic and other drugs# which might give
us immediate relief ut damage our s!stem in some other wa!s.
7ast paced life ma! appear all right for now ut )eeps ta)ing it%s toll
on us oth ph!sicall! and mentall!. That toll ma! appear naturall! in
due course# ecause nature is in no hurr!. "t is alwa!s calm# cool and
ta)es it%s own time. *cidit!# oesit!# diaetes# cardio(vascular
diseases# h!pertension and other such life(st!le diseases# are slowl!
ta)ing their toll on the health of all those who live in perpetual hurr!. *
friend put it ver! appropriatel!. *s per him# we come to this world with
a fi/ed <uota of ever!thing. "t is up to us to use it in a hurr! or ta)e
!our cool time. Before &urr! ta)e it%s toll on us# let us see what we can
do to get out of the ,hurr! trap%# in which we find ourselves trappedB

1. ,hi!3 i!"epe!"e!tl% fo %ouselfI $e deprive ourselves of a
rewarding life ecause instead of thin)ing for ourselves
independentl!# we ape others lindl! and get into the rat race# e
it life st!le# social circle or road. .tart thin)ing for !ourself and do
things as per !our conscience or convictions# rather than aping
others lindl!.
2. /et up eal%I *out seven hours of sleep is enough for an!
health! adult. More than that is la0iness. =ne hour e/tra a da!#
would give !ou a head(start dail! and would wor) wonders on
cumulative asis. >arl! getting up hait is est formed in
childhood. "f !our parents could not put !ou into that# ensure !our
children adopt that hait for their right future. :ast has gone !
ut future is in !our hand. Best results can e had onl! when !ou
venture out of !our comfort 0one. .o get out of comfort 0one to do
things right.
:. 4ive i! pea#eI 9epending upon distance# )eep e/tra minutes
for traffic snarls# which ma! not e )nown to !ou when !ou start.
9uring driving# sta! calm# cool# with even temperament. Traffic
violations can cost !ou heavil!# apart from waste of !our precious
time. -ever indulge in road rage# cursing or shouting while driving.
$henever !ou seem to e losing cool# stop on the side of the road#
Your Quest for Being Better 182

rela/ for few minutes and ta)e few deep reath to get fresh.
Temporaril! disconnect !ourself from the driving to get into etter
mood. Better still# )eep a photograph of !our famil! in front#
loo)ing at which will definitel! help and motivate !ou to remain
calm# patient and serene. ->V>R B> "- &+RR; $&"2> =- R=*9.
=. 4eep -eathi!&I *part from doing ,:rana!am% or deep reathing
ever! morning# do it for few minutes while sitting on !our seat
after ever! two(three hours or whenever !ou feel tensed or in
undue hurr!. 9eep reathing calms down !our nerves and mind.
?. ,i$e to Rela8I *s a routine# in office or at home# depute some
time for simpl! rela/ing !our muscles# close !our e!es and
disconnect from the surroundings. Gust stop thin)ing those few
minutes. "t might re<uire a little practice ut is ver! important to
)eep !ourself in alance and out of hurr! trap or mindset. ;ou
ma! also thin) of some pleasant events which will freshen !ou up.
@. I&!oe ,a&etsI 8et into a do our best mindset rather than
wor)ing for the targets. "nstead# ma)e a principal of doing !our
est in ever! circumstance. Motivate !our team to put in their est
instead of threatening them with targets# which " find ver!
derogator! to human dignit!. =nce !ou put in !our est# !ou can%t
do an! etter# target or no target. 9o not wor) onl! for rewards
instead li)e what !ou do.
A. 1u% o!l% if %ou ae !ot #o!fi"e!tI 2ife must e lived for long
term gains# not short term. -ood! is chasing !ou. "t%s !our mind
who is controlling ever!thing. *nd mind wor)s est when it is
calm# cool# composed and at peace. *n agitated mind# alwa!s in a
hurr!# hassled or harried# will e least productive. .ometime# it
might appear to e productive ut onl! appearing# definitel! not
actuall!. 7ollow the motions of all true leaders on TV# spea)ing in
pulic# giving interviews or spea)ing to media. The! will e cool#
calm and composed. 7or ever! repl!# the! shall ta)e their own
time. The! shall never appear to e in hurr! to repl!. "n fact#
,hurr!%# ,anger%# ,irritation%# ,shouting% are all prerogatives of those
leaders who are not confident of themselves and lac) self(elief.

* alanced person with magnetic personalit!# inspires confidence in
ever!one around. This is possile onl! when !ou e/hiit calm# cool#
unpertured disposition# not someone alwa!s in hurr! and distured
disposition e/hiiting lac) of self confidence and elief. These are the
wa!s to self(improve and self(empower# sta!ing calm# cool ' patient#
full of inner power and intrinsic strength# pa!s !ou ultimatel!. 3
RememerB Life is but o!e /o"9&ive! #ha!#e to %ou. Live life
to full pote!tial, !ot i! a hu%. If %ou %ouself ae !ot i! hu%,
!o o!e #a! hu% %ou up. +o be #ool, #al$, #o$pose", see!e
a!" $a3e it #o$fotable fo othes to be a!" li3e %ou
#o$pa!%. 0he! %ou $a3e it #o$fotable fo the$, the% shall
$a3e it so fo %ou. -ei!& at Pea#e is a bi& -liss i! Life.

183 Your Quest for Being Better

?@. Co!ve!ie!#e $attes i! life. -ut %ou
#o!ve!ie!#e $ust !ot $a3e othes
-umerous malls# ig# huge ones# have sprung up in almost ever!
cit! these da!s. The! have rought us lots of convenience# as one can
find almost ever!thing under one roof. $ith such opulence# in ultra(
modern air conditioned comfort# !ou can shop# see movies or eat !our
heart out. >ntire famil! can spend an evening or even whole da!#
window shopping or eating at the food courts offering diverse cuisines.
.ince crores have een spent on dScor and interiors in these malls#
one can u! international rands and e seen in the compan! of
up!ardl mobile.
But in this increasing trend of shopping malls# has it ever occurred to
!ou# what happened to the provision store that had een serving !ou
earlier for generations1 =r the near! fruit and vegetale vendor# who
we find so inconvenient to visit nowada!s and at times costl!. *t one
of such vegetale super mar)ets# " can alwa!s find couples# most well
dressed and loaded with mone!# u!ing their wee)l! re<uirement of
vegetales and fruits. The shop )eeper provides small pol!thene ags
free to put each item separatel!. *t the end# ever!thing is put in one#
two or three large pol!thene ags. -o one seem to care that these
pol!thene ags are so harmful for us and the environment# and their
accumulated cost of our penchant for convenience# will have to e
orne ! our children# ma! e ten or twent! !ears from now.
$e ma! u! social appreciation ! celerating theme irthda!
parties for our tin! tots or u! the est of education for them# ut
what aout the environment in which the! would live1 The thought
never occurs to us ecause convenience factor ' present lifest!le gains
precedence over our children%s future. $e tr! and emulate ever!thing
the west has given us. Burgers# :i00as# dresses# cars# lifest!le gadgets#
almost ever!thing we can# we do. $hat aout their >T&"C.# M=R*2.#
V*2+> .;.T>M# sense of 9+T; and C=MM"TM>-T ' 9".C":2"->1
=ur roads have ecome a virtual monopol! of two and four wheelers
with var!ing degrees of noise and pollution. :edestrians# have#
virtuall! een driven off the roads. >ven on 0era crossings# with all
t!pes of vehicles 0ooming past and mostl! ignoring traffic signals#
pedestrians find it difficult to cross the road unless a traffic cop is
present. *t times# it is a pathetic sight to see old people or couples
with small children# waiting to cross the road ut unale to do so# due
to lac) sense of consideration for the pedestrians in drivers. Tr! that in
a western countr! or even in 9uai. Gail will e the destination for such
rash# negligent ' inconsiderate drivers.
$e are a ig countr!# more than a illion people comprising of
individuals li)e !ou and me. $e all have to live together. $e all need
little attitudinal changes. 2et%s not e slave to the conveniences#
Your Quest for Being Better 184

technolog! has rought us. 2et%s e fair to our own children ! leaving
health! environment for them when the! grow up. 2et%s use nature%s
resources and ounties more sparingl! as our children also have right
over these who will need them in future.
"n the end# " would sa!# do go to Malls ut do not forget !our corner
store or vegetale vendor. The! also have a famil! to support. "f at all#
use minimal numers of :ol!thene ags an!where# ecause it is our
responsiilit! to hand over a health! world to our children. >njo! !our
evening an!where in the cit!# ut e little inconvenient to throw the
waste in the ins onl!. "t is our responsiilit! too to )eep the cit! as
clean as our own house. *nd when !ou are on the road ne/t# driving
!our eloved car or i)e# just appl! ra)e to give wa! to the old
couple or the famil! with small children# tr!ing to cross the road. " can
assure !ou# t this small inconvenience shall ma)e !ou immensel!
happ! and loo) graceful. 3

RememerB 0e all have to live to&ethe i! this wol". Eve!
whe! we ae loa"e" with $o!e% a!" fi!a!#ial #lout to bu%
a!%thi!& we li3e, we have #etai! espo!sibilities towa"s the
so#iet%, towa"s those !ot bo! as lu#3% a!" towa"s ou
futue &e!eatio!s. It is ou hu$a!e espo!sibilit% to be
#o$passio!ate, 3i!" a!" #o!si"eate towa"s ou fellow
#itiFe!s. Let ou #hil"e! !eve feel o sa% Qwhat 3i!" of wol"
%ou left fo us> Is this what %ou &ot fo$ %ou pae!ts>J

3oot&rints on the san!s of Ti'e, are not 'a!e "y
sittin) an! ho&in). Ta(e A#tion.
ACTION is the essen#e of life.
ACT ithout any thou)ht of rear!.

?A. I! Life, !othi!& tou#hes %ou $oe tha!
FREE4(6 fo$ 4epe!"e!#% o! othes. Yes, t%
to be +ELF9RELIA.,.
Apna $aath @agannath. * common sa!ing in &indi which means
,4o things !ith our o!n hand, its like hand of ,od. >ither !ou should
e ale to do things !ourself or get things done. But don%t e
dependent on others for !our jos# small or ig. $hen !ou can neither
do it !ourself nor get things done# !ou are depending on others. "t%s
li)e slaver!. *nd when !ou live li)e a slave# !ou can never e free or
trul! independent.

185 Your Quest for Being Better

Mindset training for self(reliance must start earl! in life. "t does not
mean that !ou should do ever! chore !ourself ut should )now or if
the need arises# !ou should e ale to do it !ourself or get it done#
without having to depend on others. =nl! then !ou are reall! free or
can enjo! the taste of freedom in life. "n offices# we have different
people to do different jos. Things can e managed without much
prolem if the teamwor) and coordination etween the staff memers
is good. But mainl! this lesson is aout the self(reliance at home or in
life in general# for women and men ali)e.
"f !ou are a mother and have daughters# it is !our dut! first to see
to it that !our daughters# when the! grow up# will e self(reliant or can
lead an independent life. -ot onl! for !our own daughter# in close
relatives or friends where !ou have influence# see to it that the
famil!%s goal is that all female children# would e self(reliant when the!
grow up. "f !ou have a maid or maids wor)ing for !ou# it is !our social
responsiilit! to see and ensure that the! educate their girl child.
>ducation is# ! and large# the single means to e self(reliant# hence#
it%s ultra importance in life.
$hat has impelled me to write a separate full(fledged lesson on self(
reliance# is ecause since m! childhood# " have seen man! women
with small children# leading a miserale e/istence# ecause of earl!
widowhood or men leaving the famil! or for man! other such reasons.
Though a child at that time# " can clearl! recall those scenes of miser!
and helplessness in the e!es of women# with no one to support or
ta)ing responsiilit! for the poor famil! of two or three. 9uring those
da!s# women# mostl! were uneducated and totall! dependent on men
for their or famil!%s sustenance.
.uch miseries and indignities e/isted not onl! in financiall! wee)
families# ut also in man! well to do families# where even close
relatives# at times# tried to ta)e advantage of the helplessness of the
women and daughters ali)e. "n spite of our societ!%s ostentatious
progress and growth in man! fields# original mindset has not changed
or even has ecome worse# ecause greed and hunger for eas! mone!
has increased manifold with unlimited e/pectations# old values have
gone for a toss and so have the morals# values# ethics and propriet!.
*ll aove# entails us to ta)e cautionar! and preparator! measures
when we can. .elf(reliant mindset must egin from the child%s earl!
age so that ! the time the child grows up# she is confident of herself#
eing ale to meet the challenges s<uarel!. "t is the dut! of oth
parents speciall! the mother# to prepare the children speciall! the girl
child for facing such eventualities in life courageousl!# which is
possile onl! through proper ph!sical and mind training. "nfants and
aies have that capacit! to learn to e independent and self reliant as
the! grow. "t is through these in(uilt <ualities# hait of persistence
and toughness# that the! learn so man! new things as the! grow.
Your Quest for Being Better 186

-othing wor)s etter with a child than encouragement# appreciation
and love. -o differentiation or special treatment or preference should
e there etween male and female child. "f !ou have to e tough and
no non(sense t!pe with the child# e that wa! ecause ultimatel! such
toughness not soft handling# will enefit the child. "nstill all the good
haits in the child# which will help her later in life. " love m! arm!
training more than ever now# half centur! later when " find m!self in
the hait of doing m! e/ercise regularl!# can fluentl! converse and
write in >nglish# can pulic(spea) and am ale to handle various
difficult situations and adversities in life in much etter and dignified
manner. .uch )ind of training# discipline and character# courage must
e in(uilt when children are growing up in the famil!.
Concept of women for home and men for outside# is more or less
outdated and osolete. "f situation demands# oth should e ale to
e/change duties and responsiilities with ease. $omen should e ale
to hold the jo and should e ver! well conversant with all the
financial and propert! matters. Most of all# she should e mentall! and
ps!chologicall! prepared for such an e/change. :rincipal that !hen
prepared, !e face ever situation better# come into force here
emphaticall!. 8ood times are best times to prepare to meet the
challenges of bad times which can come unannounced# an! time. ;ou
meet them est onl! if !ou are mentall! and emotionall! prepared. .o
alwa!s e well(prepared to meet an! eventualit! in life.
*s for men# the! should e ver! much adept at handling children#
managing the home# coo)ing# handling medical prolems and other
home affairs. >ven if there ma! appear no need of facing such a
situation when the going is good# men must learn to do all such
chores# just in case. >ven otherwise# wife might have to go out and
leave the children and house in the care of husand. "n man! cases# "
have seen pathetic households in the asence of the lad! of the house#
husands not eing ale to manage efficientl!. $ith the trend of
nuclear families getting a firm hold# men )nowing how to manage the
house in the asence of the lad!# has ecome all the more necessar!.
.ervants also wor) well when the! )now the master )nows his jo.
Most important of all household jos is coo)ing for the famil!.
+nfortunatel!# most men and few women do not )now where the
)itchen is# since ever!thing is ta)en care of in such households !
maids or servants. * deplorale situation it is# when !ou leave the
most important aspect of !our life in the hands of servants. $hen !ou
ta)e coo)ed food !ou should )now how to coo)# as simple as that.
>ven when servants do the coo)ing# the! must do it under !our
supervision# guidance and direction. Being ale to coo)# when occasion
demands# for men or routinel! for the famil! for women# should e a
great pleasure# not unpleasant and avoidale necessit!. Because of
this# " have felt the need of a separate lesson on coo)ing. $hether
men or women# if !ou are not adept at this interesting# important and
life(sustaining art# !ou are missing great satisfaction and jo! in life.

187 Your Quest for Being Better

-ot onl! husand and wife ut even children should e well(trained in
home responsiilities.
* wholesome life can e led ! a self(reliant person onl!. *part from
the aove# emotional self reliance is ver! much necessar!. There ma!
e man! facets of the term ;motional self reliance of which loneliness
is part of life. "n man! families# after the children move out# parents
are left to fend for themselves in old age. 9eath is ever uncertain#
more so in old age# when either one partner is left to fend for himself
or herself. "f !ou have een practicing self(reliance# anticipating it#
well(prepared for it ph!sicall!# mentall! and emotionall!# !ou will e
much etter off. But if !ou have een li)e that pigeon who closes its
e!es to avoid certain death or might have een thin)ing it !ont
happen to me# when a cat is aout to pounce on it# onl! 8od might
ta)e care of !ou.
-ormall! 8od helps onl! those who help themselves. "n this conte/t#
if !ou are well prepared to meet life%s challenges and adversities# !ou
face life courageousl!. Read various lessons in this oo) and instill
them. 7irst and foremost# no financial worries for !ou or spouseC ;ou
have made all the arrangements. ;ou are living in !our own house
which must remain in !our or spouse%s name till oth of !ou die# willed
as per !our desire. &ave enough interests or should have created and
nurtured enough relationships. ;ou have een ta)ing good care of
!our health ! ade<uate food and e/ercise regime. Ta)e good care of
!our loneliness ! remaining sociall! involved or active. There will e
man! people in !our area who need !our help. Aeep thin)ing what !ou
can do for them. >ven at this old age# remain a giver, not taker.
Create goodwill and friendship which pa!s oth in short and long run.
>nsure that worst of all things# the self-pit remains miles awa! from
!ou. -ever let it come near !ou. "n life# there is nothing more sinister
than self(pit!.
"n fact# one should e ale to enjo! eing single or lonel!. /irst
absolute necessit for !omen is that the! should not e vulnerale
and ta)e all securit! precautions. -ever ta)e a chance on !our securit!
whether at home or outside. 9oors of the house must e perfectl!
secured and should e opened onl! when !ou are sure for whom !ou
are opening the door. -ever compromise on securit! in life.
$hen outside# mode of transport must e hired or ta)en with great
caution. <e proactive on savings to bu a vehicle for ourself. 2ot can
e accomplished when !ou can move independentl!. "f !ou own and
drive a car# nothing li)e that. .ame is true for learning some martial
art# just in case. *lwa!s avoid lonel! or dar) places. Maids or servants
must e chosen with care. -ever )eep e/tra cash or jewelr! at home.
>go# false prestige or misplaced sense of self(importance are ig
impediment where self(reliance is concerned. 9o awa! with them. Tr!
to e an easil! accessile person. >ven when single# sta! well
connected developing meaningful relationships all around which will
Your Quest for Being Better 188

generate intrinsic feeling of empowerment and well eing within !ou.
$ell()nown and well(connected people are considered self(reliant and
more dependale. Maintain !our 8od connection or spiritualit! through
pra!ers. Tr! to e part of a spiritual group or religious congregation#
which helps !ou )nowing man! li)e(minded people of different age#
income# attitude and viewpoints# apart from giving !ou a sense of
securit! and elonging. *mong those !ou meet there# !ou will also find
friends in whom !ou can confide and can e emotionall! dependent# if
and when needed.
Concept of demarcated responsiilities in the households is over.
>ven in =l!mpics or an! other game# there are same competitions
oth for ,men% and ,women%. &ence# just thin) aout it. $h! should we
have for men onl and for !omen onl concept at home. .ince oth
are meant to e a team# the! should e adept at doing ever!thing. "n
a self(reliant household# oth men and women should e ale to ta)e
over each other%s duties and responsiilities whenever the need arises.
.elf(reliance does not mean that one should e isolated or remain
content within himself or self centered. .elf(reliance means !ou are
complete person and whenever need arises# can e entrusted an! jo
and responsiilit!. .elf(reliance gives !ou a ps!chological high# adds to
!our high self(esteem# self confidence# self elief and diligence.
Because of these <ualities# all great leaders of the world# went through
their own paths# howsoever difficult or impossile the! might have
appeared at the eginning. The! ultimatel! won their attles.
"n our middle class households# often# " feel affled to see our total
dependenc! on maids and servants. $e must reali0e that the! are
there to ma)e our life comfortale# not to rule over it. Moreover# the!
have their own families and households to run# children to loo) after.
.o# for mutual co(e/istence and welleing# we have to e s!mpathetic
towards their needs also and e self(reliant whenever we need to.
$henever the! want leave or have some household duties to perform#
we must ecome self(reliant and should e ale to do temporaril!
without their services# instead of criing all the time aout their
unreliailit! etc. Rememer the punch line !e all have to live
#(,;#$;) in this !orld. Wh not make it a better place.
7or the current generation# self(reliance also means that oth men
and women must e proficient in computers and internet. Children# as
soon as the! join school# must e made to wor) on computers or use
them# so that the! can use this most important medium to elevate
them# their )nowledge and e totall! self(reliant and independent.
$ithout dout# proficienc! in computers# are the most vital lin) for
growth these da!s and learning ever!thing aout them# must e a
priorit! for ever!one.
.elf(reliance also does not mean that !ou should never ta)e
an!one%s help. -o# it does not mean that. -ever hesitate to ta)e
someone%s help. >liminate ego first. &elp is alwa!s reciprocal. $hen
!ou as) for help# it implies that when the other person needs an! help#

189 Your Quest for Being Better

!ou will go all out to provide it to him. >/tending and see)ing others%
help# is ver! important step towards self(reliance# ecause self(
reliance is doing things or getting them done for which there is no
need to feel sh! of ta)ing others% help.
2ife is est lived simpl! which implies that !ou should alwa!s loo)
for self(reliance and independence from others% influence# which also
means that men(women relationship is est accomplished as a team#
in which oth partners are ale to ta)e over each other%s duties and
responsiilities with ease. :s!chological feel of self(reliance is# indeed#
the ac)one of happiness# jo!# viranc! and confidence in an!
individual# famil! or societ!. 3

RememerB +elf9elia!#e is the wat#hwo" fo a viba!t a!"
ewa"i!& life. +elf9elia!#e e!ha!#es %ou self #o!fi"e!#e,
elevates %ou a!" sta!"s %ou out wheeve %ou ae. I! the
pese!t wol", with i!hee!t labo shota&es, self9elia!#e is
!ot a! optio! but a !e#essit% fo a!% su##essful i!"ivi"ual o
fa$il%. 0e all wa!t to be espe#te", fou!"atio! fo whi#h is the
self9espe#t we have fo ouselves. -ut espe#t a!" self9
espe#t, both #o$e fo$ self9elia!#e. )!less %ou ae self9
elia!t, %ou will la#3 both self9#o!fi"e!#e a!" self9espe#t.

T4E Pri#e of %ea!ershi& is Res&onsi"ility an! the &art of
Res&onsi"ility is to Stay Positive hether you feel li(e it or not.

?B. 1eave! o 1ellE -oth ae hee. Ceate %ou
ow! 1EAVE. withi!.
Right from childhood# our mind is conditioned to thin) of &eaven or
&ell as good and bad places somewhere in the universe or e!ond.
&eaven is supposed to e up there somewhere in the s)!# where !ou
live in the compan! of 8ods# eautiful winged women (called ,apsaras%#
,huurs%# ,angels% or ,fairies%)# all the good saintl! people for compan!
with plent! of goodies to enjo!.
=n the other hand# &ell is supposed to e somewhere in those dar)
alle!s deep inside the earth# where all the ad things happen# tough
punishments are given (li)e throwing one in oiling hot oil or
mercilessl! eaten ! ig ullies etc.) and where one is supposed to
live mostl! on starvation diet. :resumption is that while living !our life#
if !ou do good deeds# heaven will e !our lissful aode after death#
while if !ou do ad deeds# hell is waiting for !ou. -o wonder# umpteen
imaginar! stories aout life there# up aove or down there# are in
endless circulation.
Your Quest for Being Better 190

"ncidentall!# scientists from across the world have sent human
eings or cameras far into the outer space or through sumarines#
into the deep seas or have dug deep inside the earth ut have found
no evidence of an!thing resemling perceived e/istence of heaven or
hell as descried aove. .ince all such things are imaginar! or
hearsa!# we cannot find an! evidence of their e/istence. But# oth#
heaven or hell# are ver! much there# right here within us# in our hearts
and minds. $e can alwa!s feel them# create them and live in the
resultant liss called heaven or frightening painful life called hell. Both
are of our own ma)ing and within our reach.
$hen !ou anal!0e life# !ou will find that two parameters affect our
lives. =uter and "nner parametersC =uter parameters are our ph!sical
appearance# clothes we wear# mone! or wealth we have accumulated
or materialistic things we own or status compared to others. "n fact# all
those things which ma)e our life comfortale# filled with worldl!
pleasures# what we call enjo!ments# are all visile. =ne can alwa!s see
rich people doing whatever the! can to loo) etter# attired in
e/pensive st!lish clothes# owning large houses filled to the rim with
e/pensive gadgets in high(end locales# riding in swan)! e/pensive cars
and holida!ing in e/otic places etc. etc. $hatever one aspires for in
life# the! seem to possess. The! are alwa!s flush with mone!. .ome of
them inherit it# while others have made it. The! are mostl! vociferous#
ostentatious# <uite often crude# undignified and impatient# wanting to
e seen where ever it matters.
-ow let%s e/amine the other parameter which is our inner(self. This
parameter is conspicuous ! its invisiilit!. "t cannot e seen ut onl!
felt. This is the eautiful# happ! peaceful inner part full of serenit!#
contentment# fulfillment and satisfaction. These have invisile positive
influence in our lives in the shape of e/pressions of love# jo!#
happiness# patience# )indness# compassion# generosit!# friendship and
forming meaningful relationships generating serenit! and tran<uilit! in
our lives. $hen our inner core is filled with these positive virtues# the!
repulse all negativit! and generate e/hilaration which# though not
visile# gives us a great high in life# ma)es it more purposeful# a true
realit! to e cherished.
$hen we loo) casuall!# on the surface# we might e convinced that
outer parameters have more influence on our life. The! do ut mostl!
negative. :eople who are predominantl! influenced ! outer
parameters# tend to e egoistic# arrogant# selfish# self(centered#
greed!# jealous and envious. The! ma! e rich ut are ver! possessive
aout things and least generous with the wealth the! have. "n heart of
heart# the! remain in the illusion that the! shall e ale to carr!
ever!thing with them ut since during their entire lifetime# the! never
got into the hait of giving# the! cannot give even at this late stage.
The! remain sting! as earlier. "n spite of all their wealth and
possessions# the! remain miseral! poor at heart.

191 Your Quest for Being Better

*ove description of outer and inner parameters would positivel!
have e/ceptions ut is good enough generall! and mostl!. Ver! few
amongst the aove two# will fit in somewhere in etween. 8enerall! it
is either wa!. >ither a person has a ver! strong outer parameter or
e<uall! strong inner parameter. "t is difficult for outer and inner to live
together harmoniousl! in the same person. :ersons with
predominantl! outer parameters are man! times more in numers
compared to persons with predominant inner parameters.
-ow# coming to the main suject of this lesson i.e. creating our
o!n heaven !ithinA Though there is no evidence of heaven or hell
ph!sicall! present somewhere# ut it is possile to create !our own
heaven within us ! instilling the choices and <ualities recommended
in this oo). "n heaven# peace and happiness will e there which can
e generated ! our innate goodness. Being generous# )ind and
helpful ma)es us happ!# jo!ous and satisfied. "t is when we spread
love and goodness around# oth these reound. To love and e loved
is the greatest happiness of e/istence.
2ife is full of ,Contradictions%. 8ood ' Bad# 2ove ' &ate# :ositive '
-egative# .uccess ' 7ailure# &ope ' 9espair# Virant ' 2ethargic are
all part of life# same wa! as &eaven and &ell are. *ll these are our own
creation# within the same mind. 7or hell# commonl! used word is
miseries. ;es# we ma)e our life miserale or hellish ! emracing
negatives# ! reacting angril! instead of responding calml! with grace
and dignit!. $e give(in to negativit! easil!# instead of standing upright
and steadfast for positivit!. Remain calm# cool# serene# whatever the
provocation. ;ou have little control over what is happening ut have
total control over !our response or reaction.
2ord Arishna# in 8ita# sa!s that 1ukham ($appiness) is ling !ithin
us. .imilarl!# Bile also sa!s the same thing in other words that
kingdom of heaven is !ithin us. >ven a small act of )indness# altruism#
giving# sharing# empath! ta)es us towards our goal of happiness
creating heaven and peace within us. $hat we need to do is to get out
of self created comfort 0ones# never letting them hamper our growth
oth materiall! and spirituall!# since we need to grow on oth
parameters. 9o not ever get used to limiting options since there is
unlimited scope# oth for happiness and heavenliness in life.
" would li)e to relate an imaginar! stor! aout hell and heaven#
here. Both heaven and hell have the same entr! point. * person# after
death on earth# reached there at the gates ut the lord# after seeing
his records# told him that it was ! mista)e# he died since it was
someone else%s turn. &ence# he will have to go ac) to earth. &e
re<uested to the lord that efore returning to earth# would it e
possile to see hell and heaven# since people on earth are ver! curious
aout them and would positivel! as) him what " saw here. &is wish
was granted and a guard too) him to a huge hall. &e was made to
stand on the alcon! of a huge dining hall# which was divided in the
Your Quest for Being Better 192

middle ! dar) glass so that nothing was visile from the other side.
=n oth sides# all )ind of delicious foods were laid on the tales. This
wronged man from earth was confused# as there appeared no
difference etween hell and heaven. $hen he pointed it out to the
guard# he was told to wait# since it was not lunch time !et.
.uddenl! gates of oth hell and heaven were opened. &e saw people
entering oth the halls. :eople entering the left side hall which was
heaven# were health!# well(fed# laughing and well()ept# while on the
right side which was hell# people appeared ill(fed# unhealth! with
morose and sad faces. =n the hell side# virtual hell ro)e loose as
people entered. >ver!one was tr!ing to feed himself# snatching and
looting things from each other. There was fighting all around and in
the commotion# no one was ale to eat. "n no time# there was chaos
all around and tales which were so well laid earlier# had food
splattered all over# glasses and plates ro)en in the melee. The
atmosphere there was virtual hell. *llotted half an hour for lunch# soon
passed in fighting and people were as)ed to vacate the premises# most
of them without eating. -o wonder people were ill(fed and gloom!.
But in the adjacent hall# things were ama0ingl! different and orderl!.
*ll of them waited till ever!one sat down. Then onl! the! started
eating together offering each other# laughing and jo)ing# having swell
of a time. B! giving# sharing and helping each other# the! created
heavenl! atmosphere. "n half an hour# ever!one enjo!ed heavenl!
food# onhomie and friendship# e/changing jo)es and pleasantries. -o
food was wasted or spilled. -o wonder# ever!one was health!# friendl!#
enjo!ing each others% compan!.
.uch stories# of course# are imaginar! ut the essence# lessons we
should learn# are real. .ame person lives in hell when he is selfish#
greed!# uncaring# not wanting to share# accumulates and monopoli0es
wealth. &e lives in hell when he thin)s that with that wealth he can
u! all the lu/uries# pleasures and good life for himself or his
immediate famil! at the most. &e loo)s the other wa!# when he sees
hungr! desolate homeless and hopeless people searching for food in
trash containers l!ing on road. &e onl! thin)s of selfish interest# never
of general good. &ell is created when one cares more aout his outer
entities# ignoring inner values.
=n the other hand# heaven is created inside through )indness#
compassion# altruism# sharing# giving# helping and love. ;ou ecome a
magnetic and pleasant personalit! to attract others. ;ou are loved and
trusted ! all whom !ou meet. ;ou do things individuall! ut for
collective good. ;ou reflect goodness# grace and dignit! while living in
heaven. =ne does not have to wait till death to go to heaven which
can e created within with the right sharing and caring attitude.
8ive ecause !ou must# help ecause !ou want to# share ecause
!ou love to. =ur motive ehind all these must e pure# sincere and
unselfish. $hen we give to charit!# our oject should not e self(
aggrandi0ement or self(promotion. =ject should e pure and simple#

193 Your Quest for Being Better

sharing# giving and helping generousl!. $hen we share happiness with
others# happiness multiplies manifold. $hen we are innatel! good and
spread goodness# we find ultimate peace and presence of 8od within
us which in essence# is heaven. "n fact# heaven or hell are creation of
!our own mind as Milton said in ,.aradise :ost, 9#he mind is its o!n
place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell or hell of heaven2. 3

RememerB 1eave! o 1ell is all i! ou thi!3i!&. 0he! we "o
&oo", we feel &oo". 0e #eate heave! withi! us. 1eave!
#a!!ot be #eate" b% $ateial ob;e#ts a!" wealth. 1eave! is
the feel &oo" fa#to we &e!eate withi! us b% "oi!& &oo", b%
bei!& &oo", b% helpi!& othes, b% willi!&l% shai!& whateve
we have, with othes. 1eave! is that feeli!& of #o!te!t$e!t we
&e!eate withi! us, whe! we shu! &ee" a!" #o$paiso! with
othes, have !o e8pe#tatio!s fo$ othes. 1eave! is the feel of
#o!te!t$e!t, whe! eve! i! a positio! to bu% all lu8uies a!"
#o$fots, %ou sa% '!o. You sea#h fo heave! e!"s withi! %ou.

PRA.ER? Prayer is not so'ethin) that is !one to
as(. Prayer is to T4AN> hat has "een )iven to us
to feel the 0ratitu!e in the heart for every 'o'ent of
livin). Prayer #reates our a'"ien#e for a"un!an#e.
?C. PER+ERVERA.CE is the "iffee!#e betwee!
+u##ess & Failue. 7eep ,RYI./ & You will be
Best e/ample of perseverance# " can thin) of# is ;=+. .urprisedC.
;es# !ou# as a childC *s !ou came out of !our mother%s wom# !ou onl!
)new one thing# cr!ing. >ver!thing else !ou learnt as !ou grew. 7ew
things came eas!# others with difficult!. 9ifficulties were made eas!#
ecause of one factor# which is :>R.>RV>R*-C>. :rinciple !ou applied
was %f, at first % dont succeed, tr, tr again. ;ou never too) ,no% for
an answer. "rrespective of how difficult it might have appeared or felt
initiall!# !ou never gave up. The result was# what !ou found difficult
initiall!# with constant repeated efforts# it ecame eas!.
$orld histor! is replete with e/amples# where men in an! sphere of
activit! or vocation# )ept pursuing their goal till it was achieved.
.erseverance is the common word used for pursuing the goal
endlessl!# till it is achieved. *n! leader in an! field# could not ecome
what he ultimatel! ecame# unless he relentlessl! pursued his goal
Your Quest for Being Better 194

through perseverance. Be it a mountaineer# a jo see)er# a leader in
an! field# a scientist# a professional# who might have to have different
talents and <ualities to achieve their ultimate aim. But unless the
person is in the hait of perseverance# success would alwa!s remain
out of reach for him.
,:erseverance%# this all important <ualit!# can e defined as# to keep
persisting, keep doing !hat can be and must be done, to!ards the
realiCation of a !orth goal, in spite of the obstacles, difficulties,
problems, pitfalls, short-comings, frustrations. :erseverance is the
inner voice which )eeps pushing us# inspiring and motivating us
towards our ojectives. "t )eeps sa!ing in our ears# ?keep tring, +ust
once more, its not far, !hen ou have done so much !h not a little
more and ou !ill be there, one is defeated onl !hen one accepts
defeat and ou !ill not accept defeat, its +ust round the corner2 etc.
etc. Most of world%s great achievers and leaders# accomplished those
feats against insurmountale odds when the! )ept pursuing their goals
when situation seemed totall! hopeless. .ince# the! did not give up
and )ept persevering# the! succeeded.
Abaha$ Li!#ol!, from childhood# was a great dreamer. &e dreamt
of sitting in the chair of .resident of America one da!. But as he was
growing up# he saw great loodshed going on in *merican Civil $ar.
&e wanted to end the civil war# if he ecame :resident of *merica.
$hat a wishful thin)ing for the son of a coler. There was nothing
spectacular in his ac)ground to suggest that an ordinar! person li)e
him# can ever achieve what he desired and set himself to achieve#
>ven a so called ordinar! person can dream ig# dreaming of *merican
:resident(ship and ending the civil war. 7or that he does not need
pedigree ut roc)(li)e determination and self(elief to achieve what he
set himself to achive.
A-RA1A6 LI.C(L.I shot esu$e of his life:

,eat% o9 %is mot%er, sister and s:eet%eart, during c%ild%ood.
,eat% o9 /%ree o9 %is young sons.
,e9eated in election 9or state legislature in 18D2.
19ter deat% o9 %is business !artner, %is business 9ailed and %e
%ad to !ay o99 a large debt.
,e9eated as a candidate 9or Congress in 184D. 1gain de9eated
in 1844 9or t%e same !ost.
,e9eated again as a candidate 9or t%e Senate in 18EE.
5n 18EF, de9eated as a #iceA!residential candidate.
1gain in 18E8, de9eated 9or t%e Senate seat.

.ut 6O* 1$E"5C1* 4"ES5,E*/S054 5* 18F1.
1e was assassi!ate" i! 1B@?.

To ecome *merican :resident# the "st citi0en of the world# !ou need
this )ind of :>R.>V>R*-C>. .uch persons also get divine help# as

195 Your Quest for Being Better

*raham 2incoln used to sa! <6it%out 0is %el!, 5 cannot succeed.
6it% 0is %el!, 5 cannot 9ail=. "t was this roc)(li)e )ind of faith in
8od# which )ept them moving during those dar) hopeless times# when
an! ,normal% human eing would have called it <uits. Rememer
9Winners dont -uit and -uitters dont !in2.
Ta)e the e/amples of 6ahat$a /a!"hi, .elso! 6a!"ela, 6ati!
Luthe 7i!&, +wa$i Vive3a!a!"a and man! other true leaders in
histor!# who pursued their goals relentlessl!# in spite of
insurmountale odds# when there seemed no possiilit!# hope or
chance of their achieving whatever the! had set off to achieve. The!
were never toppers in school. *s 0i!sto! Chu#hill, 8reat Britain%s
war time :rime Minister# used to sa! 9=ever ,ive %n. =ever, =ever,
=ever2. 2ogic is ovious. $hen !ou don%t give in# ultimatel! !ou will
succeed# if !ou )eep persevering or never accepting defeat# since !ou
are defeated onl! when !ou accept defeat.
,ho$as Alva E"iso!, who invented light ul# started his career as
a railroad newso!. 2ater# at fifteen !ears# he too) a jo as telegraph
operator. &e dreamt of ma)ing a light ul and performed aout t!o
thousand e8periments and filed over one thousand patents ! the time
he was fift!. =ne failed attempt after another# he )ept tr!ing
unceasingl!# never accepting ,no% for an answer. "magine what he
would have gone through during his ,tr!ing% times.
9uring those tr!ing times# it is not !our formal academic education#
which is of much help. Both 2incoln and >dison# li)e man! greats of
histor!# had ver! little schooling. Most leaders have little formal
education. But facing difficult situations and overcoming failures# was a
wa! of life with all of them. The! alwa!s too) recourse to alternatives.
"f not this# then thatC *nd the! .+CC>>>9>9.
The! alwa!s circumvent the failures to find a wa!. "f there were
thousand wa!s of not doing a thing# )eep tr!ing and ultimatel! found
one wa! which did wor). $abit to keep tring or perseverance is
est instilled in childhood. $e must inculcate in our children# virtues
li)e patience, tolerance, self control, fle8ibilit, sincerit,
determination, commitment and discipline. "t is up to !ou to teach
!our children earl! aout# how enduring success can e achieved
through perseverance.
&owever# for perseverance# we must develop the ailit! to endure
hardships# disappointments# frustrations. .uch a preparation# oth
mental and ph!sical# is est done from childhood. ;ou have to develop
those inner <ualities# the resilience# the toughness. "t is when !ou
have learnt to get out of !our comfort 0ones earl! in life. -ever let
!our comfort 0ones e !our limitations. =ur mind is our own iggest
limitation. "n life# !ou have to give something to get something. "f !ou
have a urning desire to come up# sacrifices have to e made. ;ou
cannot have something for nothing. .uccess and sacrifices alwa!s go
hand in hand in which case perseverance ecomes a wa! of life.
Your Quest for Being Better 196

1uccess is a +ourne, not a destination, which means that since
journe! is a continuing process# !ou have to e persistent with !our
effort to succeed. 7or success# !ou have to e wor)ing relentlessl!
hard# totall! committed and dedicated. "t%s never sa! die situation#
wherein the! never rest till goal is achieved. :erseverance is their
inner mode which )eeps them propelling towards their goals.
The! are generall! the leaders who are made of sterner stuff. The!
are winners who never <uit. The! are never tempted ! letharg! or
procrastination. Tas)# once ta)en in hand ! them# is never left
undone or half done. The! have the )ind of self(discipline and ailit! to
endure the hardships# ridicule# temporar! defeats and discouraging
words. Both mental and ph!sical toughness is re<uired along with the
will(power and temerit! of never giving up# never <uitting# alwa!s
chasing coveted goals.
*lwa!s e/pect down(falls# temporar! defeats# hic)(ups# ostructions#
une/pected prolems# uncompromising and uncooperative people in
life. ;ou ma! e disappointed ut never e frustrated# which might
lead to depression# a worst scenario. These are all part of life. Real
success is to accept them and ride over or circumvent them. That%s
how !ou will improve. =ur rational mind is <uite fragile and ma! e
ta)en over temporaril! ! such road loc)s. "t is through the hait of
perseverance# !ou must overcome all such negatives. Things ta)e
time. 2et them. *s long as !ou are on course# !ou will e successful
and reach !our destination through perseverance. -ever giving up is
the onl! option in life.
-egative emotions# unfulfilled desires# restlessness caused ! dela!s
should e ta)en as part of life. Repeating the same process again and
again# understandal!# might e <uite oring ut never let them
dictate. ;ou are the one who is in(charge of !our life# never let it e
ruled ! others# situations or circumstances. Gust as a child# for ever!
tas)# child ma! tr! and fail# ut since he )eeps tr!ing# ultimatel!# child
succeeds# alwa!s and ever! time. ;ou fail onl! when# !ou finall!# give
up. *s long as# !ou )eep tr!ing# persevering# !ou will alwa!s#
ultimatel!# succeed. -ever have an! dout aout it.
7or perseverance# it%s the ,karma or action# !ou must enjo!. "f !ou
are concerned onl! with reward# !ou will get dejected in no time.
Concentrate on karma or action through perseverance. 7or enduring
success# !ou have to endure. Most of the present da! success stories#
are a lesson in perseverance# never giving up# enjo!ing what !ou are
doing# even repeatedl!# the same thing. :erseverance is virtue which
never fails# alwa!s loo)s us up.
7or eing successful or winner in life# !ou have to have endless
urning fire inside# which )eeps !ou moving# prodding and thrusting
forward towards !our unreali0ed goals. "t might appear to e ta)ing
shape slowl! ut surel! it is shaping well# when !ou are persistent in
!our efforts. >ven when the road to success is arduous and long# the!

197 Your Quest for Being Better

are alwa!s in pursuing mode. $ith un(daunted 0eal and stamina# the!
inch towards their goals# never giving up.
Most of the great leaders in histor!# came from modest
ac)grounds# came out of the ruts# left the comfort 0ones# set to
achieve almost apparentl! impossile tas)s. "ts not that the! did not
ma)e mista)es ut learnt from them# the! never cried# rode over
the setac)s and never too) respite in lame game. $hen the going
was tough# in the face of heav! odds loaded against them# the! )ept
tr!ing# carr!ing ever!one along towards the collective goal# the! had
set themselves and ever!one else to achieve.
"t is when# in spite of a numer of easier wa!s availale# !ou ta)e
the tougher# longer ut more enduring route to reach !our goal. "t is
through perseverance# !ou convert ever! defeat into victor!. "t is
when !ou shed !our comfort 0ones# efore the! ecome !our liailities
and reach !our goal# come what ma!. :erseverance gives !ou the
ultimate satisfaction of having done !our est in spite of great odds#
having succeeded# even when things appeared hopeless and goals
seemed far# distant and unreachale. 3

RememerB Eve! whe! a peso! has faile" a hu!"e" ti$es,
he is !ot #alle" a failue. 1e is #alle" a failue o!l% whe! he
stops t%i!&. ,hou&h the habit of pesiste!#e, a! o"i!a%
peso! be#o$es e8tao"i!a%. 7eep t%i!& a!" %ou will
su##ee". -e a fi!ishe, !ot 'also a!. Co!#e!tate o! %ou
'?arma o a#tio!. 7eep "oi!& that to the -E+, of %ou abilit%.
0he! %ou ae pesiste!t with the a#tio!, ewa"s will
auto$ati#all% #o$e. 4o !ot leave a!%thi!& u!"o!e o half
"o!e. Lea"es, +u##essful peso!s o 0i!!es, ae all the sa$e
a!" o!e #o$$o! <ualit%, whi#h the% all have is PER+I+,A.CE.

There is nothin) in this $orl! hi#h #oul! not "e

@D. .othi!& lasts foeve. .ot eve! ou Y(),1.
-ut, pepae well to $eet 4us3 of life &a#efull%
with "i&!it% & poise.
:ersonal ReflectionsB =T.# Madras (=fficers Training .chool#
Madras# now# =fficers Training *cadem!# Chennai)# sometime in 9ec.
34QP. .uddenl! the atmosphere in =T.# where " am training to e an
officer in "ndian arm!# is electrified. =ur passing out parade has een
Your Quest for Being Better 198

fi/ed for D 7e. 34Q5. 7or other 8Cs (8entlemen cadets as trainee
officers are called at the academ! during training)# it was a landmar)
da! ut for me it had another significance too. E /eb. happened to be
m <irthda too. " would e e/actl! twent! !ears old on that fateful
$e all had come to this great institution as o!s# seven months ago
ut would e passing out as men# as officers of the "ndian arm!. $e
had gone through the ph!sicall! hardest# most tr!ing time of our life.
But it had also een mentall!# e<uall! satisf!ing time. +nfortunatel!#
these da!s will never come ac) in our lives again. "n hindsight# "
fondl! rememer a line from an old >nglish song 9#hose !ere the
das, m friend, % thought !ould never end2.
Toda!# 36.Q. DF35C "t all seems !esterda!# the mid(morning of life.
&ow and where fift ears (DKLJ-EGDJ) have gone# is simpl!
impossile to comprehend. Time has it%s own wa!# moving <uic)l!#
un)nowingl! and catching !ou unaware. " was !oung# full of energ!#
amitious and will to do something. " got married and emar)ed on a
new life with m! soul(mate# had children. The! studied# married and
ecame independent. " am sevent ears now. " wonder where all the
!ears have gone. " )now " have lived them and lived them well. But
efore " )new# dusk of life has come. "t seems to have come so soon%.
&ow it got here so fast# caught me ! surprise1 $here did m! !outh
and middle age go1 7rom mid(morning# straightawa! dus) seems to
have come and it has come so fast# it is difficult to comprehend.
9uring m! !ounger da!s# " rememer seeing older people and
thought those people were decades awa! from me and never thought#
it can ever happen to me too# since old age seemed so far awa! and
something which onl! happened to others. -ow# m! friends# those
!oung handsome gu!s full of energ! and appetite# are retiring# getting
gre!# losing oth energ! and appetite. The! move much slower than
what the! used to. The! are not what " rememer them to e# !oung#
handsome# energetic# fast moving. Their age too is eginning to show.
The! loo) older# tired# hair thinning# s)in sagging# e!esight getting
wea)# od! resistance lowering# some part of od! alwa!s aching
when the! get up. "f not# the! ma! e dead# perhaps.
-ow# we too are just li)e those older people we thought# we would
never e. " rememer m! grandfather whom " rememer wal)ing in
drooping posture with a stic)# with wrin)led face# white hair. $e all
rothers and cousins# used to call him <aba @i. $e all loved him ver!
much ecause he used to give us lots of goodies to eat and would tell
us stories of his !ounger da!s# when he was <uite li)e us. " never
reall! elieved# he was li)e us onl!# once upon a while.
&e died when " was doing m! arm! training. $hen " came ac)
home# he was not there# his ed# room where we rothers and cousins
had such wonderful time# hearing stories of his !ounger da!s# his
home# our village (Churmunda) in .ial)ot 9istt. of erstwhile :a)istan.
"t was# oviousl!# a life loaded with simplicit!. The! lived in villages

199 Your Quest for Being Better

and would go ever!where on foot. -o need for even a ic!cle. $hole
village had onl! one radio which also wor)ed on atter! since there
was no electricit! in the village. Reader ma! thin) that the! lived a
,primitive% life ut for each functionIoccasion# there was so much
onhomie# love# regard# fondness# respect for elders that# in present
da! life# it is unimaginale. 9#hose !ere the das m friend????2.
-ow " enter a new phase of life. Though dus) has come# ut do not
)now how long will it last# how far is the night and when will it all#
end1 ;es# " have regrets. There are things " wish " hadn%t done and
things " should have done. =f course# " am happ! " have and was ale
to do man! things which " should have. "t%s all in a lifetime. But life is
lived onl! once. *ake the best of !hat ou have rather than cribbing
about !hat ou dont have. There will never e a second chance.
>mpt! wishes (!ish, % had or !ish % had not) or regret will onl! e
there to give !ou compan!# if !ou don%t do what !ou should# or do
what !ou should not.
+nfortunatel!# we have een entrapped into endless chase of wealth
and material pursuits forgetting ever!thing else. ;es# mone! is
important ut learn mone!%s correct perspective in life from our oo)s
and e a master not a slave of mone!. 2earn to ma)e and live a life
which is more important. 9o not chase illusion of happiness in material
pursuits. 9o not neglect !our health# famil! and social responsiilities
for single(minded pursuit of wealth# status and glamour. 2ife ma! e
compared to a ship which needs water (wealth) to float ut water has
to remain out of the ship. =nce water (wealth) enters the ship# it will
sin). 9o not let that happen to !ou. Thin) and lead a life as per the
convictions dictated ! !our mind# not simpl! aping others even
though ever!one else seems to e doing that.
.o# friends# whether !ou are in midmorning# noon or evening of life#
dus) shall e there sooner than !ou can imagine# followed ! night.
&ow long it will last# no one has an idea. But# it shall e there faster
than !ou thin). $hatever !ou want to accomplish# do it <uic)l!. 9on%t
postpone# don%t procrastinate. Ta)e action# whatever !ou can# -=$.
2ive for toda!C .a! and do things !ou want people to rememer aout
!ou. :ove people more than things, spread goodness, help others, be
kind " generous, be forgiving, forever remain in gratitude and live a
life of humilit. 9o all these ecause !ou do not )now when cloc) of
life will stop and which sunset or sunrise will e the last. 3

RememerB .eve e&et /R(0I./ (L4. It is a pivile&e
"e!ie" to $a!%.
I$e 'ust learn to %ive To)ether as /rothers or e
ill &erish to)ether as fools.E K <artin %uther >in).
Your Quest for Being Better 200

@1. A##ept ol" A&e with /a#e a!" live with
4i&!it% but 4( .(, eve a##ept optio! of
'Retie$e!t fo$ po"u#tive wo3.
)etirement is a mthical e8pression, +ust like an honest politician.
4o not ever think of retiring from !ork. 5eep ourself bus full or half
da at least, in some productive activit. #his is absolutel necessar
for a life of dignit, fulfillment and grace.
*fter long hectic !ears of service# profession or usiness# if !ou
,retire%# !ou will suddenl! find that !our hectic life has come to a
standstill. Though !ou might e financiall! secure with !our savings
and other retirement enefits# ut life# as it is# ma! ecome a ore#
aimless or e/tremel! slow. $hile !ou were wor)ing# !ou had thought a
lot aout retirement# wanting to rela/# ut when it actuall! came#
within a few months# !ou get fed up reading newspapers# maga0ines#
watching TV# going to movies or other time(passes# which just amount
to ,whiling awa!% precious time.
;ou see ever!one e/cept !ourself# us! and sometimes# none in the
famil! having time or inclination to listen to what !ou have to sa!.
;our fulltime presence in the house# could ecome a constant source
of friction and irritation# even etween well adjusted longstanding
couples. Cloc) which moved so fast earlier# now moves at a snail%s
pace. Anowing or un)nowingl!# !ou have ecome a ore# not onl! for
!ourself ut also for others too. .oon# retirement# for which !ou had
een loo)ing forward to so eagerl! and e/pectantl!# ecomes a ig
urden on !ourself as well as on other memers of the household.
*ove scenario happens to man! of those# who look for!ard to
retirement just for rela/ation. The! thin) that the! have put in enough
of wor) and laor. The! need a well(deserved rest. The! find the
wor)ing routine too monotonous for them# speciall!# when the! see
their counterparts and other retirees# seemingl!# having swell of a
time. &owever# don%t forget that these are the da!s of longevit! and
even at the retirement age of si/t! !ears# one is in good health and
capale. Retirement means# life suddenl! comes to a standstill# !ou
ecome sort of ,unimportant%# !our li)es and disli)es start getting
,ignored% in the same household where# just a short while ago# !ou
were the lord and master.
*t an! time in life# if !ou do not have purpose# activit!# challenge or
vocation# life ecomes e/tremel! oring without purpose# a urden. 4o
not let it happen to ou. ;ou cannot live a livel! and virant life onl!
on sound finances. ;ou enjo! those sought after holida!s# rela/ation or
vacations# onl! when !ou are wor)ing full time. Work is !orship. Aeep
worshipping not onl! for !our income# ut also for !our jo!# happiness#
sense of satisfaction and accomplishment and most of all# finding a
purpose in life. $ithout productive wor)# life is a ig 0ero. 2et it not
happen to !ou. ;ou deserve etter.

201 Your Quest for Being Better

.o# alwa!s plan !our ,retirement%. -ever get out of the wor) culture
!ou have so assiduousl ut fondl!# put in place and are used to.
*lwa!s follow a routine. :lan !our da! and let the things move in a
predictale manner. 9o not just flow with the flow# simpl! ecause
people sa! or advice so. 2iving a purposeless life will completel! drain
!ou off and sooner than later# countdown will start. >ven if# as a
government servant# !ou have to retire at si/t!# thin) of alternatives
even efore that dreadful moment arrives. Ta)e pride in !ourself and
dignit! of laor. -ever let the status of jo or income# ecome a ig
issue. "f people are not impressed# let them not. Aeep !our pride#
dignit! and grace intact. -ever ever compromise them.
:referal!# do not retire from wor). "f !ou have to# engage in some
constructive wor) at least for half a da!# so that !ou can rela/ or
engage in positive recreational activities during the other half. :lan
something# some social activit! or responsiilit! to )eep !ou us!.
$h! " am giving !ou a long sermon on retirement# is ecause " do not
want !ou to live a wasted life after si/t!. ;ou can live a purposeful
virant life even in !our eighties# if !ou )eep awa! from forced or
voluntar! retirement and mentall!# never accept retirement as a
means of rela/ation sa!ing good!e to wor).
Man! readers# ecause of their !oung age# ma! thin)# wh! should
the! even thin) of retirement as it is so far a!a. -=# it is -=T. Time
passes in a flash# da!s into months# months into !ears and !ears into
si/t! !ears or so. $hen !ou are !oung# middle or old age seems ver!
far awa!. But rememer# age does not spare an!one. >ver! moment
!ou are aging. ;ou are growing older without )nowing. *ging is a fact
of life and facts do not cease to e/ist# simpl! ecause the! are
ignored. .o it is alwa!s etter for !ou to e prepared for old age. "n
life# !ou alwa!s face a situation etter if !ou are well prepared. Those
who are not# would definitel! find the situation more difficult to
negotiate ph!sicall!# mentall! and financiall!.
$e are all product of nature. -ature entails that all our ph!sical and
mental faculties flourish onl! when these are eing used. 0se them or
lose them. Both !our ph!sical or mental faculties will start wilting#
when !ou stop putting them to use. 9o not let that happen to !ou and
remain oth ph!sicall! and mentall! active and alert ! indulging
!ourself in productive wor). "t is a asic human nature to feel needed#
important# wanted# useful and li)ed. *s !ou grow older# this need
ecomes more and more pronounced which !ou can fulfill onl! !
doing productive wor)# not ! ta)ing refuge in retirement.
" will give !ou m! e/ample. " was commissioned into the arm! when
" was e/actl! DF !ears old. " was released from arm! when " was
aout DE !ears old. " wanted to continue in arm! and felt ver!
disappointed# sad and shoc)ed# when orders for release came in 34QK.
"n five !ears# " had got much used to arm! life and when " came out
and those facilities withdrawn and wa! of life " had ecome used to#
Your Quest for Being Better 202

was snatched awa!. *rm! is the est training ground in m! opinion
and est thing which happened to me at a !oung age# where " had
learnt to adjust well with the changed circumstances# oth ph!sicall!#
mentall! and emotionall!.
This arm! training came ver! hand!# adjusting to totall! new wa! of
life in civil. *rm! ma)es !ou adept at handling change. $hen " ecame
older# sa! PE# 5F or EF !ears old# " would not consider m!self ,old%#
since# " had remained ph!sicall! active. *part from pursuing m!
usiness interests activel!# " could )eep compan! with friends much
!ounger to me. Most important thing is that though greatl!
disappointed at m! untimel! release from arm! at that time# " am
greatl! than)ful to 8od now# for all that ecause it was much easier
for me to uild a usiness at twent! five !ears# than h!potheticall!# if "
had een retained at that time in *rm!# ut might have to retire at
around fift! four !ears or so.
:lease note carefull!# whatever happens# if !ou have faith in &im#
happens for the est. $e humans do not )now what will happen the
ne/t moment ut &e )nows and does est for !ou when !ou leave
things in &is hands# ut onl! after doing !our 5arma, action, to the
est of !our ailit!. *dvise from lord Arishna in 8ita# keep doing our
5arma and leave the rest to $im. $e shall take care. .o# never let
inaction ecome a part of !ou through retirement.
-ow# at the age of 6F# " do not wish to retire ever from wor)#
ecause m! e/perience with life tells me that m! countdown with
destin! will start# the da! " stop wor)ing. " have ver! strong conviction
that the wor) is li)e nectar in life. *s long as !ou continue having that
nectar# !ou are positive# hopeful# confident# happ!# jo!ful# virant ut
the moment !ou stop wor)# wilting will automaticall! start.
"n life# there is no sustitute to e/perience ut it onl! comes with
time or age. "mportant thing in life is aout learning. B! the time !ou
are si/t!# !ou have gone through a lot and learnt from it. Best thing is
to pass down !our learning to the new generation# who can enefit a
great deal from them# which enefits the societ! as a whole. *nd mind
!ou# there is nothing etter than eing recogni0ed# wanted or eing
sought after# when !ou are ,old%. This oo) !ou are reading is the
product of that mindset. Mone! does not amount to much in ,old age%
ut other things do.
;ou can and are capale of doing umpteen things for the enefit of
societ!# which would add value# satisfaction and accomplishment to
!ou individuall!. 7or e/ample# man! children are wea) in >nglish#
speciall! spo)en one. "f !ou can teach them that# !ou will e doing a
great service to societ! and those children will alwa!s e indeted to
!ou. 7or that matter# an! suject or range of speciali0ation !ou have
perfected during !our wor)ing life# can e passed down to those
children. >mpowering children from neighorhood aout career
options# can e another. Ta)e action. 9o not hesitate. Gust do it. :ass
down !our wisdom. There are man! !oungsters who would enefit.

203 Your Quest for Being Better

Retirement can e most enjo!ale and satisf!ing period of !our life.
Ma)e it that wa!. -ever lose !our sense of purpose and direction.
2ife is lived in stages. ;our li)es# disli)es# preferences# thin)ing and
perception in each stage are different. $hen !ou are adult# !our li)es(
disli)es as a student might e appearing totall! childish to !ou. But at
that time# !ou must have found nothing wrong with them. *s !ou
wade through life# !ou will reali0e that things which loo)ed so
important when !ou were twent! five# at fort! !ou have a totall!
different perception. This is common. 7or graceful living gro!ing !ith
age# !ou must change with time. "f !ou do# !ou are happ!. "f !ou
don%t# !ou will e unhapp!. "ncidentall!# as a famil! memer# !our
happiness and unhappiness touches other famil! memers too. .o it is
!our dut! all through to remain happ!# satisfied and contented# not
)eep on harping the old golden era, which !ou have lived.
9o not waste ocean(full of )nowledge# e/perience# wisdom# maturit!
and common sense which !ou have developed in !our wor)ing !ears.
;ou have the capacit! and capailit! to ecome more significant a
person from success !ou have achieved in life. (ld age is for giving
and pa!ing ac) to societ! which !ou have received in aundance. +se
and enhance !our s)ills ! doing something for others without
e/pecting an!thing ac). "f !ou have accumulated wealth# it%s time for
!ou to help others whose lives can e changed. ;our own re<uirement
now is limited and it%s time for !ou to earn onus points in life with
!our generosit!# love and care !ou can give to !our own species.
Ta)ing into account# eight! !ears as a reasonale life span these
da!s# few !ears this wa! or that# after !ou have crossed fort! or fort!
five !ears# serious mental planning must start for the golden !ears of
life. ;our spouse must e full! involved in the e/ercise. Retirement is
not onl! aout financial securit!# ut mainl! aout graceful living
during those golden !ears. 8raceful living just cannot happen of it%s
own. ;ou have to plan it well. -o one has een ale to fight age
ecause no one can. .o# do not fight it# accept it gracefull!.

/a#eful livi!& e!tails that both of %ou ae:

H /inanciall independent, living in our o!n house.
H 7our children are !ell-settled.
H <oth of ou are phsicall fit, mobile and !ell connected.
H 7ou have a set of meaningful relationships and friends for support. H
H 7ou are mentall prepared for rendering help to anone in !hatever
!a ou possibl can.
H 7ou are !ell respected as a couple in our social circle. 7ou have
involved ourself in some social activit !hich benefits societ.
H *ost importantl, even at the ripe old age, both of ou are seen as
>gi#ers8 not >takers8, b all those kno!n to ou.

Your Quest for Being Better 204

"f !ou have achieved all these# !ou have achieved the pinnacle. .o#
m! sincere advise to all of !ou friends# male or female# !oung or old#
to )eep wor)ing and engaged in some profession or productive wor).
9o not get carried awa! ! tall tal)s of those who earn enough mone!
within PE(5F !ears of age and ,retire% earl!# spending ne/t 5F(EF !ears
rela8ing# getting up as and when the! want# watching unlimited TV#
reading newspapers and maga0ines and man! other unproductive
activities. "t onl! amounts to wasting life. =ld age is not aout
miserale people all around. "n their case# old age just came without
warning. -ever let that happen to !ou or to !our spouse ecause !ou
are responsile for oth.
Ta)e full charge of !our life. 2ive it full! with viranc!# enthusiasm
and optimism oo0ing out from each core of !our ver! self# never
thin)ing or contemplating retirement the old fashioned wa! and if
retirement does come to !ou# live it well# live it gracefull!. 2oo) at
9r *dul Aalam. &e has retired from so man! professions ut what a
life he is leading even toda!. &e seems to e ever!where. 3

RememerB ,his boo3 is about a##epti!& what %ou #a!!ot
#ha!&e. (l" a&e is so$ethi!& %ou $ust a##ept but live
&a#efull%, be#ause soo!e tha! late, it will #o$e. 1ow %ou
live it, will also show whethe %ou have bee! su##essful o
failue i! life. I! life, %ou !ee" to be su##essful holisti#all%, !ot
i! pat. A well9live" ol" a&e o!l% #a! tell that. .eve eve
#o!si"e etie$e!t fo$ wo3 eve! as a! optio!. A&e is fist i!
the $i!", the! ph%si#al. (l" a&e is !atual, ta3e it as fish ta3es
to wate with all its &a#e a!" "i&!it%.

The first #or!less &hone as #reate! "y 0o!.
4e na'e! it PRA.ER. It never loses its si)nal & you never have
to re#har)e it. The a!!e! a!vanta)e is that
you #an use it anyhere at any ti'e.

@2. Eve%thi!& that be&i!s, $ust e!". ,ue of
eve%thi!& i!#lu"i!& hu$a! lifeE -IR,1 a!"
4EA,1 ae pat of Life.
9;verda, !e see near and dear ones ding. 7et !e all think it !ill
not happen to me2 was ;udhister%s# eldest and wisest of the five
:andavas in &indu scripture *ahabharata# repl! when as)ed 9!hat
surprises ou most in life2. " feel# no oo) on life s)ills and
empowerment is complete without an enlightened lesson on death.

205 Your Quest for Being Better

*im and ojective of this oo) is to pass on to !ou whatever " )now
aout life and life(s)ills " have learnt during m! tenure. &ow can we
live a fulfilled life1 &ow can we add more value to our lives1 *im is to
ma)e !ou mentall! tough and ph!sicall! strong to face an! situation in
life which ma! include death. *n important fact of life is ,!e fear !hat
!e avoid facing. "t is li)e a pigeon closing his e!es seeing a cat close(
!# aout to pounce on it# wishfull! hoping that it shall e spared of
certain death. *nother important fact of life is ,!hen !e are prepared,
mentall and phsicall, an problem, difficult or situation, even
death, can be faced better. $e come to this world with confirm return
tic)et. =nl!# time and date# nood! )nows. =ne sunset or sunrise will
definitel! e our last. .ince we do not )now which one# we must
alwa!s e prepared. "t is in this conte/t# this lesson is written for !ou
to seriousl! ponder over and enefit.
Though death is a universal occurrence happening around us ever!
da!# ut it is least understood. "t could e ecause no one lives to
e/perience or see his own death. *s per Bhagwad 8ita# <od !hich
!e love so much, is destructible and turns into ash but atman,
consciousness or soul is eternal, ever-e8isting, un-destructible or
ever-changing. #he atman, like energ, can neither be created nor
destroed. %t is infinite, formless, attribute-less, all-pervading,
invisible, timeless and does not occup an space. Atman onl
transmigrates, it cannot be cut b !eapons, nor burnt b fire,
moistened b !ater or dried b air. Atman, soul or consciousness onl
energiCe the bod, mind and senses !hich !e call living. 4eath is
separation of the bod from the soul, atman or consciousness.
2ife can e compared to a cloc). =nl! difference is that cloc) of life#
unli)e ordinar! cloc)# is wound onl! once. $hen will the moving hands
stop# no one )nows. -=$ is the onl! time !ou have. Ma)e the est of
whatever time is at !our disposal. &owever# it is natural to fear the
un)nown. "t ma! not e the fear of death ut how it will come# is what
people fear most1 :eople consider a person luc)!# who dies a sudden
death in old age without suffering and ringing miser!# financial and
others# to the dependants or to himself.
7or millions of !ears# since this world came into eing# from time
immemorial# whosoever lived on the surface of this earth# perished#
sooner or later. That is the law governing the world since it%s inception.
-ormall!# there are e/ceptions to ever! rule ut there is none to this
rule. Then wh! do we fear death# when there is asolutel! no
possiilit! to escape it1 $h! not accept the certaint! of death with
grace and dignit!1
$e fear death ecause of our over(indulgence with the materialistic
world and things. 2iving in this world# ma)es us ver! possessive of
things# we have created in our life(time or what we ,o!n%# we do not
want to lose# we want to hold on to them. .ame thing goes for
relationships. $e do not want to lose them too. Because# we have
Your Quest for Being Better 206

created a false world around us out of m!th# out of our ignorance# out
of our supposition# during our lifetime# since we live with them# we do
not want to part with them. "t is same as a person l!ing repeatedl!#
starts elieving that lie as truth. &owever# we must understand#
whatever we own or possess in this world# is ,ours% for this world onl!.
$e cannot use the same currenc! in the ne8t !orld, where our soul
,might go%. -othing is ever carried forward. >ver! material thing#
including our od! is left here. >ver! ph!sical matter# whether it is
human od!# material ojects or an!thing for that matter# is governed
! a rule# change is the onl constant in this !orld. >ver!thing is to
change and destructile over time.
*s soon as our soul or consciousness is out of our ph!sical od!# it is
lifeless# of no use to an!one# since the consciousness or soul# which
)ept the living eing alive and active# has left. -ow the lifeless ph!sical
od! has to e cremated or uried or organs reused for someone else
to enefit. =nl! memories in rememrance# photographs# movies or
recorded voice# ma! e left. >arlier person# with whom we were so
much attached# in love or hate# is nowhere there.
$e also# often# hear the tall tal) of heaven and hell which we are
told# are situated somewhere up in the s)!. But no one has ever seen
or found one there. -e/t incarnation or )armas to e carried forward1
There is no evidence of an! such thing or an!thing what happens after
the soul has left the ph!sical od!. .o let%s onl! )eep the present in
mind. 2iving eing who was )nown earlier ! some name# now is
called onl! the bod.
$e also worr! aout the legac! to e left ehind. $e also want the
name to continue. But is all that reall! necessar!1 Thin) practicall!C "f
one does good or die a good person# people will rememer. "f one
thought selfishl! onl! aout himself# then it shall e good riddance.
"t%s all up to !ou. $hen !ou leave a legac! of all the good !ou have
done# people will automaticall! rememer !ou. -o coercing is
re<uired. But when one wants to e rememered through ig
hoardings# huge advertisements in papers or ig condolence meetings#
people have a short memor! and are <uite forgetful.
*ll the greats of histor! are rememered for what the! did for their
people. The! live in people%s heart for which no reminder# invitation or
prompting is re<uired. * person is rememered for his good deeds
onl!. 8ood deeds are# how much he cared(shared(helped those left
ehind. $hile it is often seen that hoards ma! join in famil! festivities
to enjo! the goodies# to dine# drin) and accompan!ing good times#
when there is death in the same famil!# there are onl! counted few at
the cremation ground.
$e also should )now how to deal with the death of a near and dear
one# ma! e a loving parent# spouse# silings# children or a close
friend. 9eath of someone whom we have een in love# dependant#
have een enjo!ing his compan! or support# lived together for a long
time with sweet memories etc.# comes as a great shoc). Man! times# it

207 Your Quest for Being Better

creates a ig vacuum in life which is difficult to fill. 9uring such times#
few fact and realities of life must e rememered and acted uponB
D. Cry your %eart out. 4o not tr to !ithhold our tears as the are
normal and natural. 7our pain, grief, distress, insecurit, all is
normal. =o need to sho! a brave face. =o one else can ever kno!
the severit of others pain. (nl person !ho is affected or suffers,
kno!s the severit of the pain and e8tent of loss. $o!ever, never
make a sho!-off of our grief.
E. /ime is a great %ealer. 1uch legitimate sufferings, onl time can
and does heal. .ain and suffering is felt deep in the heart and can
be shared onl !ith reall close caring relatives or friends.
F. %n the mean time, after having done !hatever needed to be done,
obtain necessary documents like death certificate and legal heir
certificate etc. from government authorities. 5eep originals
carefull and copies ma be used !here ever necessar. 4o not
hesitate to take the help of anone !ho kno!s about all such
formalities or an advocate to obtain necessar documentation.
J. 2i9e goes on. =o one in this !orld is and has been indispensable.
After sometime, time !ill progressivel de-intensif the pain,
suffering and healing !ill start slo!l. 4o not tr to do a!a !ith
pain. /eel it deepl in our heart and live !ith it. After some time
ou !ill find it receding. Apart from time, lo#e %eals 9aster.
S!read lo#e, love need people, love an animal, care for
someone, anone for that matter. :ove and care heals fastest.
I. 4rayer, meditation and 9ait% in almig%ty, helps a lot at such
tring moments. We have to accept the realit of death. )ead this
lesson a fe! times more to grip the realities of life including death.
%f the person has been old and suffering a lot, because of various
ailments !ith little hope of recover, death comes as great relief.
%f ou had done our best during his lifetime, feel satisfied and
e8press gratitude to $im for $is mercies.
Q. 4eo!le die but memories remain. &herish those memories.
(ften, sit alone in a room, close our ees and connect !ith him.
$e>she ma be !atching ou. 1o do good, spread goodness. :et
him>she be proud of our good deeds. 4eep and meaningful
relationships do not end !ith death. :ife is for living, so :%V; (=.

Throughout our lives# new passengers enter and enrich our lives.
.ome sta! on till end# some depart earl!# some are there when we
depart as ever!one is ruled ! his destin!. .ince ever! moment of
human life is filled ! some activit!# most of us never pause to reflect
on life. &owever# good we do# smile# )indness# compassion# love and
patience we spread# are our valued life(oats in life. 3

RememerB People %ou love, "o !ot "ie. I! "eath, ph%si#al
bei!& &ets #o!vete" i!to $i!"9bei!&. ,he% e$ai! with us i!
Your Quest for Being Better 208

ou e%es a!" heats, as sweet $e$oies. +u#h $e$oies ae to
be #heishe" foeve. You wee the #hose! o!e to fi!" a pla#e
i! %ou $othes wo$b. You #a$e i!to bei!&, be#ause %ou
wee a wi!!e. .eve leave that wi!!i!& spee. 0he! %ou
#a$e, %ou #ie" while eve%o!e e;oi#e". -e a wi!!e i! "eath
too b% livi!& a life of &oo"!ess, 3i!"!ess, #o$passio!, &a#e
a!" "i&!it%, b% the positive le&a#ies %ou leave behi!" fo
people to #heish afte %ou leave.

.ester!ay is "ut a !rea', To'orro is a
Dision. /ut, To!ay, $ellK%ive! 'a(es
every yester!ay a !rea' of 4a&&iness an!
every To'orro a Dision of 4o&e.

@:. LIVI./ PRI.CIPAL+ fo a Rewa"i!& Life.
Life is a 6ARA,1(., !ot a spi!t. 0I..ER is
the o!e, who wi!s ulti$atel%.
Though current ever(increasing life e/pectanc! in "ndia# is pegged at
aout si/t! five !ears# arring unforeseen health prolems# one can
easil! live up to eight! !ears or more. That%s a long period which can
again e su(divided into two parts. 7irst part# can e counted up to
fift! !ears# after which# second part starts. 7or reference# we shall call
first part as oung# while the second part as old, which is also most
critical, since it is during this period we start getting results# how we
have lived the first part# what we mean to people# weather we feel
successful or failure etc etc.
2ife is lived ! a ver! solid rule# What !e so!, !e reap. 8enerall!
spea)ing# it can mean that what we )eep sowing when we are oung#
reaping mostl! starts as we grow old. "f we have sown good# we reap
good or vice versa. "f !ou sow love# !ou reap love. "f !ou have sown
friendship and have invested on relationships when oung# !ou will
reap the fruits of those relationships in good measure. ;es# !ears after
fift! are critical ecause mostl! ! then !ou are old and !our
investments should start pa!ing !ou ac) in )ind.
"f !ou have invested in health while !ou were oung, ! doing
regular e/ercise# eating right and thin)ing right# !ou reap the enefits
from !our efforts in two wa!s during old age. =ne# !ou are stepping
into health old age ecause !our investments of e/ercise regime and
a disciplined life start repa!ing !ou in )ind ! then. .econdl!# !ou do

209 Your Quest for Being Better

not have to ma)e an! e/tra effort to get into e/ercise and right
thin)ing regime# ecause !ou are in the hait of doing all that as !ou
have done it for !ears. .ame wa!# when !ou are in the hait of doing
good# formed health! relationships and haits when ,oung# these
ecome real assets in old age.
$hen we tal) aout time period li)e here we have formed oung
and old# we find one thing strange ut interesting. Time ahead feels
ver! distant# while time which is passed or we have spent# seems as if
it was !esterda!. Gust thin) it over# ten !ears ahead from now would
loo) to !ou a distant dream# ut ten !ears gone(!# will loo) as if it
was !esterda!. $hen we are twent!# we tend to thin) thirt! !ears is
far awa! ut when we are thirt! !ears# memories of twent! !ears
appear as if it was !esterda!.
"nspiration and motivation is li)e having ath# which !ou must have
ever!da! to feel fresh# to feel clean. " have a hidden selfish motive
here. $hen " inspireImotivate !ou to do etter in life# " m!self get so
much inspiredImotivated. .uch writings give a purpose to m! life# for
which " had een searching for a long time. "t gives me great
satisfaction to have done something more than simpl! living a good
life. $riting has een worth ever! single minute# " have spent. There
has een no etter jo! or sense of accomplishment for me.
;ou might find things repeated at places or something eing written
in different words. 2ife needs constant reminders and repetitions to get
things into haits. .ince " have compared life with a marathon# it has
to have man! more things to ma)e !ou a complete human eing. To
empower life# one needs constant improvements and changes which
can e rought in us ! doing things differentl!. This point is
important to understand# since if !ou )eep doing the same things the
same wa!# results will also e same. " have thought of following points
which !ou must instill to ring in necessar! changes. #o accomplish
great things, !e must not onl act but also dream, not onl plan but
also believe.
,%t ma be all right for ou to be content !ith !hat ou have but
never !ith !hat ou are. .o# our -uest for being better# is alwa!s
on. " could thin) of the following points ut !ou can thin) of man!
more# since possiilities are endless. 9o not limit !ourself or !our
aspirations. *ll the following points are important in life. The! are not
written in an! particular order. AnalCe and think over each one and
instill in !ou# discuss and correct others so that !ou are automaticall!
3. -e A"ept at ,1I.7I./: +nfortunatel!# most of us have stopped
thin)ing# which# as a human eing# is our strongest point. $e do
not use our mind and have got into the hait of aping others
ecause we find that eas!. This aping hait has ereft us of
originalit!. "n a wa!# it has made us duplicates in spite of eing
original. $e do not thin) of eing a etter person# improve our lot
Your Quest for Being Better 210

and that of others ! various self(improvement and self(
empowerment methods or improving our life(s)ills. * rewarding#
satisf!ing# successful# empowered life has to e a wholesome life#
not onl! good in patches. "t is when !ou loo) ac)# how !ou feel1
9o not flow with the flow. But change course# where ever !ou feel
!ou should and can. 8et out of the aping hait and get in the
thin)ing mode. 2ife is a ig opportunit!. Thin) positive# shun
negativit!# thin) ig. 9ifference etween !ou and a four legged is
!our thin)ing# which has empowered !ou to rule over this world. A
person is but a product of his thoughts, !hat he thinks, that he
becomes. 7ocus !our thin)ing on good# goodness !ou can spread#
good !ou can do to others and feel the difference.
D. 0(R7 1AR4, (7 but bette 0(R7 +6AR,: >ver!one wor)s
ut there is no sustitute to hard wor). Most people do prett! hard
wor) which onl! ma! not ring them the desired results. 7ou have
to !ork smart too. =nl! a comination of oth &ard and .mart
wor) will e most effective. .triving for success without hard and
smart wor) is li)e tr!ing to reap where !ou have sown nothing.
>nthusiasm is necessar! ut it has to e controlled. 7irst thin)
over# ma)e a mental assessment ' outline of how !ou would
accomplish the jo. Ma)e a plan ' chec)list. "f short# ma)e a
mental plan. "f long# on paper. Anow !our wor) force well to allot
jos as per person%s talent and capacit!. ;our astute planning and
)nowing !our associates ' suordinates well# will ensure that there
is no !astage of labor, effort, material used and time. Ma)e a
mental target of finishing the jo which must e adhered.
P. ).LEA+1 Y()R ).LI6I,E4 P(,E.,IAL ,1R()/1 F(C)+:
Both human mind and od! have unlimited potential. :otential can
e defined as the difference bet!een !hat !e do and are capable
of doing. =nl! !our thin)ing can limit that potential. .o roaden
!our thin)ing ase. To match our rain%s processing information
time# ten super computers would e needed. >ver! jo# action or
project re<uires single minded devotion. &ence# !our focus on the
jo is ver! essential. $hen !ou focus sun%s ra!s on a piece of
paper# it urns. That is the power of focus. "n Mahaharata# when
as)ed to shoot his arrow into the e!es of a ird# *rjun ta)es the
aim. &is 8uru# 9ronachar!a as)s him as to what he can see. *rjun
answers that while ta)ing aim# he can onl! see the e!e of the ird
and nothing else. That%s what focusing is all aout. =nl! when !ou
focus on a prolem# !ou can thin) of various possiilities. Choose
what appears to e the est. 7ocus means that !ou concentrate all
!our mental energies on one goal. 9o not distract from positive
thoughts which release positive energies and help !ou attain
desired ojective. 7ollow 6E(DE rule in usiness.
5. 6A7E PE(PLE 0(R7 0I,1 Y() athe, 9or you +nderstand
the difference. -othing can e achieved alone. ;ou have to have
people with !ou# to help !ou achieve !our goals. * Chinese sa!ing

211 Your Quest for Being Better

it is better to have one person !orking :it% ou rather three
!orking 9or ou e/plains all. Most is accomplished ! a team in
which ever!one feels empowered and a part of it and is rewarded
ade<uatel!. Create a team in which teamwor) should e the
essence and ever!one must feel responsile to e part of the
project. Togetherness is the essence of life since nothing can e
achieved alone. Concept of self-made is fault! ecause no one
has made himself. $e need others% help to e whatever we want
to e in life. Those who cannot ta)e others% help or with whom
others do not li)e to wor)# are generall! failures. *part from
success or failure# it gives a feel of high when !ou have people to
support !ou or with !ou. 2oners are mostl! failures. That%s wh! a
great stress is laid on T=8>T&>R->.. and forming meaningful
relationships or inculcating team(spirit in this oo)# without which
!ou simpl! can%t win. $inners are alwa!s hand in hand.
E. 4o!t be i&i". I!stea", -e FLENI-LE: ,<etter to bend than to
break. 9uring last fift! !ears# most people " have met# appeared
bright. >/tra right or e/ceptionall! right are rare. "t%s great
pleasure to wor) with bright persons. The! ta)e full responsiilit!
for the jo entrusted# which ma)es !our life reall! eas!. $ith little
training# ever!one can do as good a jo as !ou. .o# !ou must
delegate responsiilit!. Best part is when !ou delegate# !ou are
left with so much time for !ourself. ;ou can do so man! things
with the time availale# li)e writing this oo) and so man! more
things !ou have een wanting to do# ut never found time. ;ou
have to e little fle/ile with the mista)es the! ma)e initiall!. ;ou
will alwa!s find new ideas generating# new wa!s and methods#
when !ou entrust responsiilit!. But all that is possile if !ou are
fle/ile# adopt to new situations and trust !our
emplo!eesIassociates. =f course# !ou have to set aside !our in(
uilt ego# arrogance and me first approach. Both leaders and
followers produce est results when fle/ile.
Q. PA,IE., & C((L 0I.+ ,1E RACE: * person with a cool and
patient disposition# shines ever!where. To an! situation,
howsoever serious or even calamitous# respond with grace and
dignit!# not react li)e a hot(headed uffoon. $hen !ou are faced
with an! untoward or tragic situation# showing anger# discomfort#
irritation or rage# serves no purpose. "nstead# use it as an
opportunit! to uild !our image ! responding wisel!# cooll!#
calml! with grace and dignit!. Ta)e !our time. 9o not ever e
carried awa! ! an! situation not to !our li)ing. "nstead# thin) fast
ut cool# even when others are panic)!# displa! !our superior
pedigree ! eing cool# dignified and composed.
6. ,o /o )p, -E P(+I,IVE: * person is )nown ! the compan! he
)eeps. .hun negative people and choose positive people for
compan!. :ositive people attract while negative repel. :ositive
Your Quest for Being Better 212

people also are considered part of the solution while negatives#
part of the prolem. *lwa!s loo) ahead at solving prolems and
finding solutions. -ever let past jeopardi0e !our future. 2earn from
past and move ahead. There are no escalators on road to success#
happiness and welleing. =nl! ladders are there on which !ou
have to ta)e steps# one ! one. -ever e afraid of ta)ing
calculated ris) and convert ever! ris) into an opportunit!. Manage
!our time well. .hun all cheap entertainments li)e watching TV or
movies# reading fiction novels# gossiping or social networ)ing. 8et
into the positive haits of honing life(s)ills# reading inspiring oo)s
to get ahead and remain there. -ever critici0e# instead offer a
etter wor)ale solution in a positive language. 2isten more# spea)
less. Ta)e !our time to respond. *ct individuall! ut thin)
collective good. Be interpersonal, which is eing good to ever!one.
Be rich in )nowledge and intelligence and use them discretel!# lest
the! ecome stale. *ake it a guiding principal to al!as respond
positivel to negative situation.
K. -e a VI+I(.ARY: $hat is vision1 #o see great things before the
are on sight. 9o not flow with the flow. 8ive direction# set goals#
dream ig. Then set !our sails accordingl!. 8oals are oth long
term and short term. 2ong term goals are the lueprint of !our
dreams and vision. .hort term goals are the models made !
rea)ing down the long term goals. $hatever !ou conceive in !our
mind# can e achieved. The moment !ou are ale to visualiCe and
feel the destin!# no one can stop !ou from reaching it. >ver!thing
ig or small we see toda!# was someone%s rainchild or dream# one
da!. ;our thoughts are the seeds of !our actions# which when
constantl! used# ecome haits# which convert into the personalit!
and ends up as !our character. $hat !ou actuall! are. ;our
character ecomes the solid foundation of !our vision. To match
!our vision# !ou have to roaden !our comprehension levels#
which should e as deep as sea# thoughts as high as s)! and
strategies as solid as roc). ;our imagination is !our strongest tool
which is the ase of !our vision# the starting point. *lwa!s thin)
high. ,1hoot for the stars. %f ou miss, ou are still in race for the
moon. "t is sad to die with dreams unfulfilled# ut worst is not to
have dreamt at all. 2et no one ever steal !our dreams. -ever let
them e orphaned. %n life, go as far as ou can see. When ou get
there, ou !ill be able to see further.
K. 7!ow %ou +,RE./,1+ & 0EA7.E++E+: >ver! soul in this
world is uni<ue# the original. Because there are umpteen things to
e done in the world# 8od has given different talentsIcapacities to
different persons. .omeone is good in something# while other
person is good in something else. "f one is a good cric)eter# ver!
rarel!# he can e a good footaller too or vice versa. >ver!one is
gifted with certain talents. These are !our strengths. :ac) hard
wor) into them ' reali0e !our dreams. $ithout hard wor)# talents

213 Your Quest for Being Better

remain dormant and as good as wasted. Be sincere and proactive
in pursuing !our ojectives. Believe in !our strengths# in turn
!ourself. Mi/ them with passion# commitment and determination
and !ou have read! mi/ for success and a rewarding life. 2ife is
li)e a grindstone. %f ou are soft like chalk, it !ill grind ou into
po!der but if ou are hard as granite, it polishes ou up. (ption
remains !ith ou.
3F. -e o! the loo3out fo (PP(R,).I,IE+: :isten carefull.
(pportunit, mostl, knocks ver softl. =nl! those who are
)eenl! loo)ing for opportunities and are good listeners# can see
the opportunit! where none e8ists. "n fact# ver! few do. -o
wonder# we have so few successful people. There is a stor! of two
mar)eting e/ecutives of a shoe manufacturing compan! sent to a
remote place in search of usiness. There# the! find no one putting
on shoes. =ne e/ecutive sent a telegram to the compan! 9=o
market for shoes, since no one !ears shoes over here2. The other
clever and more committed e/ecutive found a great opportunit!
for selling shoes there. &is telegram read 91end as man
consignments of shoes, since everone needs shoes over here2.
.ee the difference in the perception of two people# of the same
situation. * positive person sees a great opportunit! while a
negative one onl! sees negativit!. * positive person sees green
while a negative one sees red in the same situation. 2i)ewise#
most of the prolems which we come across in life# are# actuall!#
opportunities. .uccessful people convert ever! prolem into an
opportunit!. Those who )eep criing# critici0ing and laming# are
failures. That%s the difference etween the two# successful and
failure. That%s wh!# failures outnumer successful persons ecause
of lac) of vision# negativit! inclined and eing opportunit blind.
"n fact# opportunities are never lost# the! are there ut graed !
someone else.
33. 4o !ot be ovetl% +e!sitive o ,ou#h%: &ave !ou ever faced a
situation wherein !ou said something ut the person mistoo) it as
something totall! different# which !ou never meant or said1 =r
while !ou had no reason for eing rude# inattentive or
unconcerned# !ou are eing accused of eing e/actl! that. =r
sometimes# when !ou sa! something in all !our sincerit!# !ou are
accused of ma)ing fun of someone or ta)ing the matter as a jo)e.
.uch unpleasant situations are <uite common. "t happens when
the other person is overtl! sensitive. .ometimes# even !ou ma!
feel that wa!. Basic purpose of life is to enjo! eing !ourself and
!ou should e happ! as !ou are# what !ou are. ;ou can e happ!
and enjo! onl! when !ou ignore small things# remar)s or gestures.
"f !ou )eep minding them# !ou are putting !ourself in aw)ward
situation often# which is not good for !our ps!che or reputation. *s
far as possile# avoid putting !ourself into such situations. Choose
Your Quest for Being Better 214

!our words carefull! )nowing other person%s sensiilities or )eep a
health! distance from such people# who e/pect !ou not to mind
an!thing the! sa! ut could mind an!thing !ou utter. ;our
relationship will e full of stress with such people. =ften# such
tension(filled situations are common etween married couples#
too. "n no time# an! remar) can e misconstrued or
misinterpreted. "n such cases# asic prolem is not what is said
ut general relationship which needs improvement and discussion#
if it can e held. Being overtl! sensitive or touch! is a sign of low
self(esteem. "t is alwa!s etter to ignore such remar)s. :ersons
with high self(esteem mostl! do that to avoid getting trapped in
aw)ward situations.
3D. 6a3e ,ha!3s&ivi!&M,ha!3s9livi!& a 1abit: 2ife can e lived
either wa!. $e can feel grateful and e/press gratitude for all we
have or )eep criing and complaining for what all we don%t have.
7irst wa!# we shall e happ!# contented# fulfilled# pleasant# upeat#
graceful# jo!ful reflecting peace# love and patience# while the
second wa!# we shall alwa!s feel miserale# discontented# envious#
greed! and spiteful. $hen we ma)e Than)sgivingIThan)s(living a
hait# we live a glorious life full of love and humilit!. $e ecome
loveale# which automaticall! attracts people towards us. $hen we
don%t# stressful# tension(filled arrogant# ego(filled life is what we
lead. $e ma! not mind it ecause we get used to miseries easil!
in life. But loo) at the other side# when we live with an attitude of
gratitude# a life filled with hope and jo! without worr! or concern.
Through such than)sgivingIthan)s(living attitude# we create a
pleasant personalit! which attracts ever!one.
3P. ,he E8pessio! %ou wea, #eates best I$pessio!: &ow !ou
carr! !ourself# matters a lot in life. -o dout# !ou should e
smartl! and properl! attired for the occasion# where ever !ou are.
But# most of all# it is the e/pression !ou wear counts most# which
also instantl! connects !ou with people. "t%s also called !our
earing# which must alwa!s e positive# an emodiment of real
!ou# a ver! pleasant and magnetic personalit!. $ithout as much
as sa!ing a word# onl! with e/pression on !our face# !ou impress
ever!one present that !ou are trustworth!# dependale# person
with a strong character# a good intentioned human eing and a
alanced person. The e/pression !ou wear on !our face# is the
true reflection of !our inner self. =uter e/pression of !our inner(
self is a smiling happ! face# which in itself# conve!s man! things
without uttering a word i.e. ?ou are !elcome, % understand ou, %
love the !a ou are, % am glad to see or meet ou, ou can trust
me the !a % trust ou, !hatever good % can do, % !ill or % am
prepared to share !ith ou etc etc.J .mile is the est e/pression
!ou can wear# since smile is contagious and will reed man! more
smiles. * smile will lighten up the corner where !ou are. "t is a
signal for ever!one around to enjo! and rela/ in each others%

215 Your Quest for Being Better

presence and togetherness. >ven when !ou are nervous which is
ver! human# !ou can alwa!s wear a confident e/pression which is
etter than loo)ing nervous.
35. 6a3e eve% 6ista3e a Lea!i!& (ppotu!it%: 'A person !ho
has not made a mistake, does not make anthing. True to the
core. *inds !ork best !hen open and open mind must tr! new
ideas and when !ou tr! something new# mista)es are ound to
happen# ecause of poor measures ' judgment# imperfection#
insincere ' casual attitude# inade<uacies and miscalculations often
result into mista)es# ig or small. ,#o err is human. ;ou gather
wisdom onl! when !ou ma)e ever! mista)e a learning opportunit!.
*nd when !ou have learnt !our lesson# !ou will do things
differentl!# not the old wa!. =nl! those who are prepared to
venture out or ta)e calculated ris)# will ultimatel! rise. Those who
pla! safe all the time# has little chance of reaching those heights#
where winners reach and eagles dare. 9o not e afraid of ma)ing
mista)es as long as !ou )eep moving forward# learning from each.
(!ning up is the critical factor. -ever hesitate to own up !our
mista)es efore the children. "f the! have seen !ou owning up
!our mista)es# the! will learn to e amiale and agreeale#
forgiving t!pe. $e have to e open(minded# honest and sincere.
9o ma)e mista)es# ut learn from them and move ahead.
3E. .eve be ove9i$pesse" with 6o!e%: M! transition from
*rm! to civil life was <uite ump!. "n *rm!# seniors are respected
ecause of their ran) and e/perience. But in social circles in civil
life# " found a rich person and his famil! was given mostl!# undue
and at times# un(deserved importance. Because of this undue and
un(deserved importance and respect in social circles# even rich
uffoons are put on a pedestal the! do not deserve. .o much
acrimon!# mindless pursuit of material wealth# corruption# un(
principled politics# greed# comparisons in our societ!# are the result
of this asic human need for respect. This is not to suggest that
!ou should not respect the elders# ut falling over a rich man%s
feet# simpl! ecause he is rich# gives a ver! nauseating feeling. .o
treat ever!one well and give due respect ut maintain !our dignit!
and also of those around !ou. 9o not have an! e/pectations from
an!one# howsoever# high and might! he ma! e. Ma)e a principal
of treating ever!one the wa! !ou want !ourself to e treated and
move ahead. *n!one# who is not orne with silver spoon in his
mouth# has to struggle# ma)e wa!# thin) and wor) hard and smart
to rise in life. "f someone helps !ou# fine. >ven if no one does# !ou
still stand a ver! good chance of reaching where !ou want to e in
life# if !ou have self(elief and instill various lessons from this
oo). "t ma! ta)e a little longer# ut !ou will respect !ourself for
it. .o e patient and never lac) in effort. "f !ou ecome a
chamcha (s!cophant) of a rich man# !ou will not feel ver! good
Your Quest for Being Better 216

aout !ourself and !our success. .o for !our well(deserved
success# have faith in !ourself and !our creator# who shall help
!ou. Be an!thing ut don%t ever e a chamcha8.
3Q. ,1I.7 Cleal%, Lo&i#all%, Coe#tl%: 9o not confuse this point
with the first point of this lesson. 7or ever! prolem or a difficult
situation !ou face# solution lies in !our mind. :ower to thin)
clearl!# logicall! and correctl!# rings !ou closer to resolving an!
issue. 9eveloping such )ind of thin)ing also is a hait creation.
7irst point in clear thin)ing is that while we get lots of information
from various sources# retain the facts and discard the irrelevant
information. >ven amongst the facts or useful information# we
must e ale to concentrate upon what is relevant to the situation
or prolem. $hen !our approach to an! prolem is to the point#
!our wor)load reduces consideral! ecause !ou are ale to
concentrate upon the real issue# since !ou have separated out
chaff from the grain. *s a mature person or a person of sustance#
never use e/pressions li)e % have heard, the sa, someone told
me, #hats !hat is being said, everone is saing, or other such
vague e/pressions meaning gossip mongering# spreading rumors#
character assassination# sa!ing for the sa)e of sa!ing# while !ou
are not sure what !ou are sa!ing.
36. 4o .(, hol" o!to &u"&es, &ieva!#es a!" pe;u"i#es: 9o
not live a life full of grudges. >as! said than done# no dout. $h!#
ecause our mind# unfortunatel!# is more receptive and retainer of
negativit! than positivit!. "n life# so man! good people we come
across# of so man! good deeds we are the recipient. 8ood things
said to us# far outnumer the ad ones. But we rememer one ad
remar) said ! someone long time ago# even after !ears# while
hundreds of good words said# do not find an! leftover remains in
our memor!. $hen !ou hold onto prejudices# grudges# grievances#
!ou onl! suffer# not the other person. .ometimes# !ou might even
,en+o that suffering# ecause of the familiarit! factor. 2earn to
ignore# forgive and move on. 9o not )eep a hidden mental account
of all the ad things# which might have happened to !ou or might
have een said to !ou. "nstead# )eep a health! mind# filled with
positive values# attitude and outloo). 9iscard and filter out all the
ad things which are connected to negativit!. 7ill !our mind with
love# compassion# harmon!# empath!# pra!er# altruism and cherish
that !ou are alive# living a life free of hatred# env!# jealous!#
acrimon!. ;ou deserve to live a full life# live it up to the rim.
Ma)e !our mind a flower vase# not a dustin full of trash.
3K. -e CREA,IVE, -e 4IFFERE.,: "magine how this ver! world
loo)ed a thousand !ears ago. "magine how things were at that
time1 &ow things have changed so much1 $hen we thin) and
anal!0e# we would reali0e that our present world is the cumulative
effect of the wor) and deeds of so man! eminent and distinguished
scientists# leaders# professionals# usinesspersons# industrialists#

217 Your Quest for Being Better

artists# actors etc.# who dared to e creative# thought differentl!#
did differentl!. The! all dared to go out of their comfort 0ones# did
not accept the status <uo which most of us do. Abaha$ Li!#ol!
thought human slaver! was wrong# wor)ed ceaselessl! against the
s!stem and won. 6ahat$a /a!"hi tirelessl! wor)ed towards
lierating our countr! from British monarch! and "ndian
independence ecame a realit!. E"iso! failed perhaps DFFF times
to produce electric ul. 0i&ht bothes thought it was possile
to have fl!ing machines and we have modern da! aircrafts. 2ist is
endless. "t was ecause some people were eminentl! creative
through the ages# we see the world in present da! form. =ur limits
are created ! our own mind# no one else. $hen we go e!ond
those self imposed oundaries# through and e!ond our
imagination# creativit! egins. Creativit! comes with our own
values and strong eliefs. "t%s when we pose a <uestion in our
mind and as) is there a better !a' +nfortunatel!# our education
s!stem imparts onl! oo)ish mostl! useless )nowledge and
inhiits creativit!. "t was gifted to us ! the British to produce
cler)s and peons for the empire. "nsignificant little has een done
to improve or change it. &owever# no one stops !ou from thin)ing
differentl!# doing things differentl!# ta)ing calculated ris)s and e
more open. -ever e afraid of wal)ing alone. "t is etter to wal)
alone and e right# rather than wal) with the crowd and e wrong.
4o not go !here the path ma lead. ,o instead, !here there is no
path and leave a trail.
34. -e 4ECI+IVE. .eve be Afai" to Fail: *ll winners or successful
persons have two traits in common. #he are never afraid to fail
and decide -uickl. The! move fast and decide fast# whichever
wa!. " have found that indecisions do more harm to us than wrong
decisions. Most of the time# we must decide <uic)l! to get things
done fast. The undecided person remains in dout# in an/iet! and
in anguish. "ndecision accumulates prolems. "ndecisive people
)eep lamenting# over(thin)ing# procrastinating and are slow(
acting. The! ta)e too much time to thin) over# eing over(
conscious. Be push! and a doer. Believe in 5A)*A, *ction. $hen
!ou do more Aarma# !our success rate will also e high# even if
!ou fail occasionall! which is ut natural. ;ou can put !our
)nowledge and power to wor) onl! if !ou ta)e <uic) decisions#
which are often lin)ed to responsiilities one has een entrusted
with. "f !ou don%t tr! ecause !ou are afraid of failure# !ou have
almost nil chance of eing a winner or successful in life. =ne wa!
of improving our decision ma)ing is to give a time ultimatum# sa!
D(E(6 minutes# depending. .ometimes# we are indecisive ecause
we have too man! options. &ence# cut out the lesser important
ones. .ometimes# we are over(anal!tical which ta)es time and are
unale to decide till we are asolutel! sure. .uch dela!ed decisions
Your Quest for Being Better 218

for whatever reason# actuall! harm !our cause more. ;our late
decision might help someone to decide for !ou and wrest the
opportunit! which was actuall! !ours. =ur decisions onl! shape our
destinies. Those who do something and fail# are etter than those
who are afraid of failing ' do nothing. Ouic) thin)ing is hait
forming. 8et into the hait of ta)ing <uic) decisions and actions.
DF. 6atuit% #o$es with e8peie!#e, !ot with A&e: Maturit!# in
other words# ma! mean man! <ualities compressed into one life. "t
ma! mean that !ou alwa!s )eep the igger picture in mind# long
term goals rather than short term enefits. Maturit! is# !ou have
mastered all the negatives li)e *nger# >go# =ne(up(man(ship#
Gealous!# &atred# >nv!# Comparisons# 9isappointments '
7rustrations etc. *s a mature person# !ou are alwa!s even
tempered# never cri# critici0e or lame others for things going
wrong. ;ou maintain !our own standards# which !ou never allow to
e lowered# in spite of temptations or provocations. ;our actions or
statements are alwa!s measured# oth in tone and content. ;ou
are alwa!s fair when dealing with others# never greed!. ;ou are
alwa!s calm and cool# never hurried or harried. ;ou alwa!s
respond cooll! to whatever the situation is# never reacting
violentl!. ;our response is alwa!s positive even to negative
situations. ;ou admit !our mista)es and give credit to others for
the achievements. ;ou are neither prejudiced nor undul! sensitive
! nature. &umilit! is !our second nature. Maturit! is not age
related. * person of twent! can e much more mature compared
to the person much older. Maturit! is the art of living with grace#
poise and dignit!. A *ature person is al!as a pleasure to be !ith.
"mmature love sa!sB 9% love ou because % need ou2. Mature love
sa!s 9% need ou because % love ou2.
21. Co!#e!tate o! the -oa"e pi#tue, !ot the !aow o!e:
=ften# !ou will find that long term goals (roader picture) clash
with short term enefits (narrow picture). But alwa!s and ever!
time# sta! focused on the long term goals. Man! times in life#
temptations will e there to ta)e short cuts# li)e# compromise on
<ualit! to ma)e little more mone! since no one ma! )now# jump
the signal since no one is watching# evade little ta/ since !ou are
alread! pa!ing so much and so man! others ,small% things# which
will detract !ou from long term goals while the! enefit !ou in
short term. -o# never. -ever do such things even once# ecause#
then !ou will do an! numer of times# sa!ing +ust once. 2ong
term goals are eas! to achieve through happ! relationships i.e.
marital or general. 9o not e overtl! sensitive or feel slighted or
insulted easil!. These are the signs of poor self(esteem. :eople
with poor self(esteem do not go ver! far in life. .ound# meaningful
relationships are the pillars of strength on !our wa! up and the!
can e maintained through high self(esteem onl!. :eople

219 Your Quest for Being Better

recogni0e sensitive people easil! and )eep a good distance from
them. 9o not e such an oject.
Rome was not uilt in a da!. Be patient. Things ta)e time. 2et
them. That%s wh! it is said $appiness is found along the !a, not
onl at the end of the road. =n !our road to success# !ou must
enjo! the entire journe!# not onl! the happ! ending. Be honest# e
mature# e )ind# e alanced# spread goodness in spite of the
difficulties and challenges the! pose. 9ecidedl! !ou are on !our
road to success# where !ou elong.
22. Co!vet ("i!a% i!to E8tao"i!a%: Though 8od has gifted
this life to us# option how we live# rests with us L an ,ordinar life%
concerned onl! aout ourselves and our famil!# fulfilling our
desires# ma)ing more mone! than others# tr!ing to adopt and
maintain a ,etter% lifest!le to oost our ego and pride etc.
Resultant ordinar! life is full of env!# hatred# jealous! and up(
man(ship# filling it with stress# tension# dissatisfaction# acrimon!
and disharmon!. But unfortunatel! most of the people seem <uite
happ! living this ordinar! life# since familiarit pla!s an important
role in our lives. &ence# we would find change <uite difficult to
accept# ut change we must.
$ell# 8od has estowed us with an option of living an
,;8traordinar :ife or a $olistic :ife, which comprises of !ourself#
!our famil!# others speciall! those orn not as luc)! as !ou and
8od# the divine. *n >/traordinar! 2ife is led when !ou enjo! ever!
minute of eing alive# !ou elieve in 5arma (*ction) which is in
!our hand# leaving the rest with divine. ;ou also elieve# )now and
hope that whatever happens is for the est. ;ou are )ind and
compassionate towards all who have een created ! the same
creator who created !ou. ;ou welcome and meet the challenges in
life with positivit!# hope and faith. >lements such as tension#
stress# hopelessness# frustrations# impatience# depression#
oredom which are an integral part of (rdinar :ife are non(
e/istent in ;8traordinar :ife since their place is filled with hope#
confidence# viranc!# cheerfulness# enthusiasm# jo!# grace# dignit!
and happiness.
2:. -e Respo!sive !ot ea#tive: There are few things in life over
which we have control. But# we must learn to have complete
control over ourselves. To an! situation# we must learn to respond
positivel! rather e reactive# which reeds negativel!. "n our
negative reactive mode# we alwa!s feel stressful# tensed#
pressured# ma! e out of our mind and wisdom. "n this mode#
others find us difficult to deal with# uncooperative# unfairl! critical
of others# <uic) to ma)e presumptuous judgments and aove all#
angr! in various degrees. $e lose temper <uic)l! and tend to e
ver! unreasonale. This negative reactive mode hampers !our
growth in man! wa!s i.e. in service# profession or vocation dealing
Your Quest for Being Better 220

with various persons# forming meaningful relationships# while
dealing with !our own children# on road or in almost ever!thing in
life# it%s negative effects will e there. *ll round negative effect of
our reactive nature can e seen in person%s achievements in life in
ever! sphere.
=n the other hand# our responsive mode has positive effects on
our life. * person in :ositive Responsive mode is mostl! rela/ed#
fle/ile# friendl!# unassuming# fair and eas! to deal with. &e is
alwa!s smiling# cooperative# graceful and dignified. &e never
throws his weight around. "t is <uite natural that Responsive mode
person is sought after# successful and whatever goals he has set
himself to achieve in life# will achieve with relative ease.
*nal!0e !our natural modes and moods# and where ever
needed# ring in the re<uired changes from reactive to responsive.
"nculcate and instill the hait of cool positive responsive mode in
!our children. "t is easier to change them now. Catch them !oung.
*n! uilding is as strong as it%s foundation. :a a strong
foundation for their good habits no!. B! doing so# !ou are not
onl! helping them ut helping !ourself# since as grown up# the!
shall e more caring# mature and etter human eing# which
ultimatel! is ever!one%s goal in life.
2=. -e Coua&eous: 7ear and worr! over imaginar! situations#
happens to most of the people# most of the time. Both can e
dispelled with inherent courage. Courage is our all weather friend
and all!# howsoever difficult the situation is. "t%s our most vital
tool. Courage is a !(product of faith# determination# hope#
patience and perseverance. *ll these mi/ed together# ma)e a
head! mi/ture of courage and willingness to meet an! situation.
$hen !ou fill !our mind with positive thoughts and determination#
!ou ecome confident of meeting an! situation successfull!. 7ace
ever! situation head on. Courage is e/plicit faith in 8od. 9o !our
est and est will happen. -ever waver# never vacillate. 8od is
with !ou. =thers have done it with divine help. .o will !ou. Gust do
it. -ever e afraid of fear. 9o what !ou fear and fear will run
awa!. But if !ou )eep fearing the fear# fear will alwa!s e there.
9ispel it and e free. -ever e a slave of fear. ;ou can easil! )ill
fear since it is !our own rainchild.
2?. -e a peso! of Respo!sibilit% a!" I!te&it%: .ense of
responsiilit! and integrit!# are two most important <ualities on
which foundation of strong personalit! and true leadership is laid.
The! are the mar) of one%s maturit!. *mong man! other traits#
which a winner or a leader must possess# responsibilit and
integrit are foremost. * leader or a winner alwa!s feels
responsile oth in what he utters and his actions. &e Chooses
carefull! what he sa!s# means what he sa!s and stands ! what
he sa!s. Being responsile means !ou feel overall responsile for
ever!one# not a select group or select areas. Trust is the outcome

221 Your Quest for Being Better

of responsiilit! and integrit!. *ll great leaders of the world in an!
field# were trustworth!. The! were courageous to own mista)es
even when the! were not directl! responsile. "ntegrit! means
that !ou are person of doing things right. The! are persons of
value and honest! not onl! themselves# ut also their followers.
Road of responsiilit! and integrit! might e rugged ut it is the
right road which leads !ou to !our goals and ojectives mainl!
ecause oth these traits are in short suppl! these da!s.
2@. 5o% & 1appi!ess, o3 but PEACE is the -est: >ver!thing in life
is in pairs# happ! ' .ad# 8ood ' Bad# 8ain ' :ain# 2ight ' 9ar)#
Go! ' .orrow etc. But# when !ou thin) more deepl!# !ou will find
that oth happiness and jo! are a state of mind# which is
momentar! or fleeting. >ven within one da!# there will e man!
good and ad things ta)ing place. *ccordingl!# we would e happ!
for sometime ut again sadness would ta)e over !our mood. *s
long as we let good or ad# happiness or unhappiness# jo! or
sorrow# elevate or deflate our moods# we shall e oscillating
etween &appiness and .adness# which is not a desirale state of
eing. This is the state of mind in almost ever! person. &app!
now# sad little later ut again something good happens# we are
happ! ut again we ecome sad with ad happening again. We
cannot change this pattern of good and bad because it is ho! life
goes on. 8od has also given us the humilit! to accept what we
cannot change. But when we accept what we cannot change# we
are at peace within. But wh! not we ecome 1iddh .urush or
accomplished being# and e at :>*C># instead# in oth the
situations. $hile oth happiness and jo! have their pairing in
eing sad or sorrow# :>*C> has no e<uivalent opposite. $e need
little practice to reach that state. Gust li)e the changing patterns of
clouds in the s)!# when we ecome happ! and sad with the
oscillating events which is the law of nature or this world# if we
remain stale# not too happ! with good# not too sad with ad# we
can easil! achieve that end. Mind !ou# law of Aarma as per
Bhagwad 8eeta also teaches us that. =nl! ,action% is within !our
powers# not the rewards or results# which rings us happiness or
sadness. *ction rings us :eace within and when we are
unconcerned with the results# we are at peace which action rings
us. $hen we are tran<uil or peaceful within# outside automaticall!
is at peace. B! such an outcome# we can e a role model of peace.
This is what is called state of ,nirvana% or ,liss% when in spite of
eing part of this world in ever! wa!# !ou are at peace in ever!
situation. * ,alanced% life also means a ,peaceful% life.
2A. Alwa%s be 1(PEF)L: $hen things go wrong# which the! often
do# even after !our est effort# &=:> is the last straw to hold on
to. "n fact# hope is li)e hair or nails. -o matter how man! times
!ou cut them# the! )eep growing. -o matter how man! times !ou
Your Quest for Being Better 222

fail# !ou are not a failure as long as !ou )eep tr!ing# do not <uit
and )eep hoping ever!thing would e alright# since it will definitel!
e alright one da!. >ver! loss is acceptale in life# ut not the loss
of hope# ecause hope is 8od%s another name and &is wa!. "f !ou
lose hope# !ou lose !our 8od. * life without hope is li)e living a life
of a destitute. ;es# things are difficult at times# prolems are there
and it ta)es time. 8od has millions of petitions pending. .o e
patient# e hopeful that !our petition will also e favoral!
disposed off# one da!. *nother reason wh! hope is so importantC
"t%s ecause hope ma)es the present moment more earale.
$hen we hope that tomorrow will e etter than toda!# it ma)es
toda!%s hardships eas! to ear.
2B. 4o !ot Pete!" to loo3 %ou!&e tha! %ou a#tuall% ae:
=ften# people tr! to dodge their real age ! l!ing aout the age#
using various e/pensive ut harmful hair d!es# cosmetic surgeries#
wearing clothes normall! worn ! !ounger generation# doing all
)inds of deceptive ma)e(up# use e/pensive creams and lotions to
ma)e their s)in loo) !ounger or ,wrin)le(free%# ! as)ing the
children to call them elder rother (Bhai!!a(*nna) or sister (9idi(
*)a) not uncle(aunt!# men )eeping long hair and women short
and the list is endlessl! deceptive. "n spite of heroic efforts !
oth men and women# simple fact remains that !ou just can%t do
it. ;ou ma)e something !ou want to hide# more ovious. *ging is
a natural process. -o one has een ale to go against the nature#
neither can !ou. The time(machine on which we travel in our life#
has onl! forward gear. 8od has not put reverse gear on time
machine. $hatever !our age# it shows. -othing will wor) hiding
!our age. More !ou do# more scrupulousl! oservant people
ecome. The! ma! not appear to oserve or sa! it openl!# is
another matter. .o# nature entails on !ou# not to do this
deception# indulging in a deceitful action which also ma)es !ou
untrustworth! in the e!es of !ounger people. ;ou also lose grace#
dignit!# poise and of course# truth# which is the most important
ingredient in graceful living. -ever forget ,9>C>:T"=- ->V>R
$=RA.%. "nstead# alwa!s )eep a smile and happ! cheerful earing
on !our face and straightwa! !ou )noc)(off few !ears# ecause it
has een proved in various surve!s that people with a smile on
and happ! e/pression all the time# loo) much !ounger than those
of the same age who are alwa!s serious or morose loo)ing.
2C. +hu! /REE4 to live /RACEF)LLY: $h! greed comes to m!
mind again and again to warn !ou of this most dangerous# heinous
and despicale of all evils in humans. %n humans, ecause
humans onl! are greed!. =ther species with whom we are sharing
this planet# do not )now what greed is. "t%s humans who want
more than their legitimate share# more than the! deserve or need#
have no hesitation in trampling others% rights and e privileged
themselves over others. But readers eware and e warned ,reed

223 Your Quest for Being Better

has the capacit to destro, !hat one has created in a life time.
;es# have no dout. "t can and it will. These da!s# newspapers#
maga0ines# visual media and internet is full of disgraceful doings
of high and might!# who had ever!thing going right for them ut
destro!ed themselves# their families# their reputations# societies or
parties ! indulging in unrelenting greed# wanting more and more.
,$h! leave it when more can e had1% ,.o what if others also have
a rightC% .uch is the attitude of a greed! person who wants
ever!thing for himself. 8reed! person is selfish to the core# has no
sense of justice or fair(pla!# elieves onl! in accumulating all the
wealth himself# if the mone! was meant for hungr! and need!
poor people# he does not care. Volumes can e written on this
most despicale and disgraceful human act of greed. "t is !our
dut! and responsiilit! towards !our own children to guide them
awa! from greed right from childhood. 8reed! persons can e
spotted from a distance. .o e fair(minded# reasonale and never
get spotted ! others. "f a eggar is greed!# it is understandale
ut if a person who has ever!thing and still wants more through
unfair means# is neither understandale nor acceptale.
:D. Lea! to A##ept losses a!" 6(VE A1EA4: 2i)e ever!thing in
this world in pairs# life consists of oth profit and loss. "t is natural
for us to feel happ! and elated when we enefit or profit and feel
sad when we suffer loss. 2oss could e loss of mone! or some
other material thing# damage to an! gadget li)e car )ept ver!
dearl! ! us# inadvertent loss of face or reputation# failing in test
or e/am# poor show ! our children in e/am# someone letting us
down adl! somewhere or some other une/pected developments
on the negative side. .uch losses could e ecause of our mista)e
or fault while some other time# the! just happen. =ur attitude to
such une/pected developments should e to accept the loss
gracefull! without e/hiiting an! emotional imalance li)e cr!ing#
cursing# losing temper# laming others and man! other negative
reactions we often come across dail!. "t is not that !ou don%t feel
ad# sometimes terril! disappointedC But !ou should e ale to
create such a mindset which remains unruffled# unaffected ! an!
adversit! and it can maintain direction and the right course#
whatever the circumstances are. $henever a negative situation
arises# man! lessons in this oo) will wor). -ever mind# tr! again
attitude# persistence. +ps and downs# profit and loss would ma)e
!ou definitel! happ! or sad inside which must remain inside onl!#
not show outside. "n all circumstances# we must appear to e
igger than the loss or profit and should not e/hiit our emotional
imalance to the outside world.
:1. Eve! fa3e o pete!" is o3: To get etter# sometimes# even
fa)ing or pretending is o) when !ou don%t feel 3FFH up to it. *t
times# !ou ma! not feel full! enthusiastic# courageous or full! up
Your Quest for Being Better 224

to something ut !ou are convinced that it is for collective good.
;ou will often see that the wa! !ou act# is the wa! !ou thin).
Rewa"i!& life is 1olisti# livi!&. 7or rewarding life# our approach
to life has to e holistic# all round# not limited. &olistic living is the
comination of the aove thirt! wa!s along with each and ever! word
written in this oo) under various lessons. ;ou cannot selectivel!
choose some points and improve on them onl!. ;ou have to e good in
ever!thing to transform !ourself into a etter self. =nce !ou ma)e that
as !our goal of life# things will automaticall! start falling into place.
+ltimate aim is to live a dignified and graceful life# which will ta)e !ou
towards happiness and jo!ful living. .uch nole ojectives are# in fact#
eas! to achieve when !ou carr! !our team along. Team spirit is a
great morale ooster and doing good for someone or for our societ!#
something still etter. 2iving a rewarding life is reward enough. 3

RememerB Above ,1IR,Y (.E $a!tas, whe! i!stille" alo!&
with othe lesso!s of this boo3, #a! ta!sfo$ a!%o!e. +o$e
ae epetitio! but be i!spie", be $otivate" to be bette tha!
what %ou ae. ,hee ae !o li$its to ta!sfo$atio!. ,a!sfo$
a!" be eall% alive.

3or)et so#iety,s vie of SUCCESS
"ase! on <oney an!
Outar! A&&earan#es.

En!eavour to #reate your
"ase! on 4u'an @ualities

225 Your Quest for Being Better

@=. EPIL(/: Life 6a!a&e$e!t is the (b;e#t a!"
Esse!#e of ou boo3s. Life is !ot about si$pl%
#o$i!& & &oi!&, -), LEAVI./ A 6AR7.
6A.A/E6E.,E "t is a ver! common term used these da!s. 7or
ever!thing# we have institutions of management to manage
something# e it <usiness, %ndustr, $otels, $ospitals, /inance and it%s
an endless list. There is also *an management, how we manage
people# who are wor)ing under or with us. Thus# we have umpteen
institutions# schools# colleges# universities which teach various t!pes of
management s)ills.
But all these institutions# hone s)ills# how to create more and more
wealth# influence# e cut aove others# all selfishl! for ourselves or our
families# spending our life pursuing materialistic goals to get ahead
and remain there. $e )eep chasing the illusions of happiness#
fulfillment# satisfaction# desires# sensual gratification# up(man(ship#
ph!sical comforts ' securit!. "f at all# these are reali0ed# it%s <uite late
in life since things ta)e time. B! the time we do reali0e them# we also
get the feeling that it is fruitless# never ending e/ercise. =ur
dissatisfaction# discontentment# disenchantment with all that# ring us
face to face with the hollowness of it all. $o!ever, our Aim is not to
devalue above !hich are needed for our sustenance. #hese are lifes
essentials to maintain and support our phsical e8istence " !ellbeing.
Coming to the M*-*8>M>-T part once again# we do not reali0e that
we need to manage other e<uall! important things in life# ourselves,
our relationships, spiritual !ellbeing, serenit, purpose, life in general.
&ow can we e etter citi0en# etter spouse# etter parent ' offspring#
etter professional# aove all# a virtuous B>TT>R &+M*- B>"-8. $e
have no management "nstitution to teach us LIFE 6A.A/E6E.,.
Through this oo)# 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER and our
earlier oo)s# 'YE+ ,(/E,1ER 0E CA. ' '01A, ,1EY 4(.,
,EAC1 I. E4)CA,I(.AL I.+,I,),I(.+# we have discussed
various aspects which touch our lives intimatel! to find peace,
happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, harmon, togetherness and above
all, contentment which most people lac) these da!s. Boo)s inspire the
reader to emrace virtues and shun vanities li)e ego# arrogance#
acrimon!# resentment# greed# jealous! and man! other roadloc)s
which ta)e !ou awa! from leading a life of grace, dignit and values.
,,randchildren are ,ods !a of compensating us for the old age.
The! are the roseuds aout to flower. There is a selfish side to writing
such oo)s as 'Y()R *)E+, F(R -EI./ -E,,ER, 'YE+
,(/E,1ER 0E CA. & '0hat ,he% 4o!t ,ea#h I! E"u#atio!al
I!stitutio!s, that millions of our children including m!
granddaughters# Ra&i!i, eleve! a!" .ai!a, fou, will not have to go
through the agon! of horrific newspaper reports or horrendous scenes
on TV screens# when the! grow up. " do not want them to suffer the
Your Quest for Being Better 226

shoc)s# pain# indignities and miseries which our generation# has gone
through. B! our efforts now# we must create a etter# humane# )ind
and compassionate societ! for them to live in. "nstead of gifting them
material ojects for temporar! material pleasures# let%s e sincere and
gift them a etter societ!# a etter world.
,B>.T T"M> T= :2*-T * TR>> $*. T$>-T; ;>*R. *8=. .>C=-9
B>.T ". -=$%. $e all $ust a##ept this espo!sibilit% for our
children# grandchildren ' future generations. *"M and =BG>CT of our
B==A. is to see a 9".C":2"->9# 9;-*M"C# C*R"-8# C=MM"TT>9
"-9"* T= M*A> * M*RA "- T&> C=M"T; =7 -*T"=-. *R=+-9 T&>
$=R29. *s individuals# we must ma)e our living count. 5AI 1I.4.
Capt. Ravi 6aha;a!GRet"H

Practical & workable advise from RATAN TATA to our
youngsters: (at Symbiosis)
I=on,t -ust have #areer or a#a!e'i# )oals. Set )oals to
)ive you a /alan#e!, Su##essful life. /alan#e! 'eans
ensurin) your 4ealth, Relationshi&s, <ental Pea#e
are all in 0oo! Or!er. There is no &oint of )ettin) a
&ro'otion on the !ay of your "rea(u&. There is no
fun in !rivin) a #ar if your "a#( hurts. Sho&&in) is
not en-oya"le if your 'in! is full of tensions. =onMt
ta(e life so seriously. %ife is not 'eant to "e ta(en
seriously, as e are really te'&orary here. $e are li(e
a &re&ai! #ar! ith %i'ite! Dali!ity. If e are lu#(y,
e 'ay last another ;7 years. An! ;7 years is -ust
8,;77 ee(en!s. =o e really nee! to )et so or(e!
u&G 1ItMs O>, /un( fe #lasses, s#ore lo in #ou&le
of &a&ers, ta(e leave fro' or(, fall in love, fi)ht a
little ith your s&ouse... ItMs o(... $e are Peo&le, not
&ro)ra''e! !evi#es..J =onMt "e serious,

227 Your Quest for Being Better

(u Roa"s ae the Visible si&! of ou C1ARAC,ER: *ll of us spend
lots of time ,in% or ,on% our vehicles# on road. =ur true character is on
displa! when we are riding our moi)e or driving the car. *s is our
nature# we want things to change without changing ourselves#
ever!one# other than us. This is not going to happen. $e )eep laming
the government# other drivers# traffic police for our road conditions ut
never ma)e an effort to anal!0e and change our attitude# culture and
outloo) to what we can do to improve our road conditions. $ithout
going into what and how of our roads# " shall suggest what we# as
responsile citi0ens using roads# can do to improve our road conditions
for our sa)e not for an!one elseB
3. =ur first re<uirement is that our roads must e safe for us.
That can happen onl! when we "ive safel% which results !
traffic discipline " abiding b traffic rules.
D. Avoi" e#3less "ivi!&I .tart earl! so that !ou have enough
time to reach where !ou want to e. =ften# people drive fast
when the! are getting late. ;ou are getting late ecause !ou
started late. .o start earl! enough so that !ou are hassle(free
on the road.
P. =verta)e onl! when !ou must# and feel safe. Avoi" is3%
oveta3i!&. *s per road rules# !ou should overta)e onl! from
the right side of the vehicle ou are overtaking# not left side.
-ever let !our vehicle# speciall! if it is a two wheeler# come
etween two vehicles during the overta)ing# when all vehicles
are at high speed. $hen overta)ing# give enough warning !
hon)ing or flash of light# to the vehicle !ou are overta)ing so
that he is also careful. -ever ta)e a sudden swerve to the right
of the vehicle to e overta)en ecause !our sudden
appearance in the wrong lane# might cause a serious collision
with the vehicle coming from the opposite direction.
5. 4ive withi! the spee" li$its. "n case of accident# this is
the first <uestion to e as)ed ! the authorities or insurance
people. %n fact, almost all the accidents happen because at
least one of the vehicle or both, are over speeding. Avoi"
te$ptatio! to "ive fast# oth in the cit! or on highwa!s.
Cars# these da!s are light and can go at high speed giving !ou
wrong impression that the! are safe and !ou can control the
vehicle. +nfortunatel!# at high speed# even with ver! minor
sudden swerve or a dog or odd two wheeler suddenl!
appearing# vehicle can ecome totall! uncontrollale# resulting
into serious accidents. These light vehicles give the delusion to
the driver that he is in control ut such indiscretions# often#
result into serious accidents# unfortunate loss of lives# which
can e avoided if vehicles are driven within safe speed limits.
+nfortunatel!# our vehicles are fast ut roads are not
Your Quest for Being Better 228

E. 5u$pi!& si&!als. .top when signal is red and go onl! when it
is green. -ever jump signals# never. Be patient and aide !
road rules.
Q. 6ai!tai! la!e "is#ipli!e and do not come into the wrong
lane even temporaril!# to get ahead of the vehicles moving
within their respective lanes.
6. .eve "ive with hi&h bea$ withi! the #it%, since it
ostructs the vision of vehicles coming from the opposite
direction. &igh eams are meant for highwa!s onl!.
K. .eve use $obile while "ivi!&. "n case of an incoming call#
etter avoid it and !ou can return the call after !ou have
reached the destination. "n case !ou must# slowl! ring the car
or i)e# giving the left indicator# par) it with haCard light
indicators on# then tal). -ever suddenl!# see the moile for
who is calling# when !ou are driving the vehicle# even at low
4. Roa" "is#ipli!e is the )e! to road safet!. $hen traffic has
halted or slowed for an! reason# 9= -=T leave !our lane and
get etween the vehicles or cross the road dividers or white#
!ellow or doule !ellow line to go ahead of the stopped or
slowed vehicles. This is not onl! violation of road discipline ut
also# can e ver! dangerous and ris)! for two wheelers.
"ndiscipline on road can e fatal# not worth an!thing# please
3F. ,affi# #ops ae thee to help %ou and regulate the traffic.
The! are onl! doing their dut!. $hen !ou are motioned to
stop# slow the vehicle# give the indicator and tal) to them
respectfull! and do as told# instead of losing temper and
tal)ing rudel!# which can ac)fire. .upposing inadvertentl!#
some traffic offence has een committed# face it# pa! the fine
or whatever. 7acing the matter then and there# is much etter
than tr!ing to get awa! which can e complicated and
troulesome later.
33. -e patie!t o! oa". 9o not ever lose temper and e rash#
give wa! to pedestrians# halting !our vehicle <uite a distance
awa! to let them pass. 9rive in peace. Rash driving within the
cit! can# at the most# save !ou few minutes and on highwa!s#
a little more. But ris) involved is so great that for an! right(
thin)ing person# it is not worth it%s while. "t is alwa!s etter to
e courteous# stress(free# patient and good mannered while
!ou are driving. ;our pedigree is on displa! when !ou are at
the wheels. .o e careful. "t%s worth it%s while.
7inall!# )eep a photograph of !our famil! in front of !ou. The! are
)eenl! awaiting !our arrival at home. T= *RR"V> ;=+R 9>.T"-*T"=-
.TR>..(7R>># 7=22=$ TR*77"C R+2>..