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Interview with the author of The Death of

Sex and the Demise of Monogamy and


Malignant Self Love, Sam Vaknin (Part I
Post by: Kabita Sonowal

!" Many thanks for this interview, Sam" It has #een $uite a while sin%e we last intera%ted
" &hat #ooks are you reading at the moment' Is there any #ook in (arti%ular that you
would re%ommend to our readers'
). Thank you for having me again. I just finished reading Umberto Eo!s magisterial "Prague
#emetery$. It %rovides a om%letely im%lausible aount of how the forgery widely known
and disseminated as "The Protools of the Elders of &ion$ ame to be in '(th entury Euro%e.
)et* it is its very narrative audaity that renders this novel %anorami* breathtaking* thrilling*
and kaleidoso%i. If you want to understand the miasmi metastasis that was %re+,itler
Euro%e* this is the book for you. I am now enjoying a well+earned res%ite with ,.-...
Keating!s Ins%etor /hote: a magial mystery tour in the India of the mid+01th entury.
*" &hat do we read from you next'
)" I have just %ublished my latest tome "The 2eath of Se3 and the 2emise of 4onogamy$
available* among others* from 5ma6on. Se3 is dead as is monogamous marriage. 7hat will
re%lae them8 -ead about alternative lifestyles 9suh as swinging:* se3ual %referenes 9suh
as bi+ and homose3uality:* se3ual %ara%hilias 9suh as inest* fetishism* and %edo%hilia:* and
the role of malignant narissism in the disintegration of all relationshi%s between men and
women.
+" )(art from ,ar%issus, who all would you list as #eing nar%issisti% in history and
mythology'
). ;oth ,itler and Stalin have been remote+diagnosed as narissists by the %reeminent
%syhoanalyst Erih .romm. In <uly 011=* I suggested that >bama may be a narissist. ;ut
only a ?ualified mental health diagnostiian an determine whether someone suffers from
@arissisti Personality 2isorder 9@P2: and this* following lengthy tests and %ersonal
interviews.
-" &hat is that one genre that you would like to da##le in future'
)" I have %ublished %oetry* si+fi* short stories* essays* anthologies of artiles* and full+sale
non+fition 9the newest reiteration of "4alignant Self+love: @arissism -evisited$ is A=1
%ages longB:. I tried my hand at writing novels* but I do not have the stamina suh as
,erulean undertaking seems to re?uire.
." /our main work revolves around malignant or (athologi%al nar%issism" &hy'
)" I am an author* olumnist* editor* and finanial advisor. I had been diagnosed with
@arissisti Personality 2isorder 9@P2: twie* when I have hit rok bottom* in the throes of
binges of self+defeat and self+destrution. 4y %syhologial defenses rendered im%otent by
self+wrought irumstanes* I began to study this %erniious mental afflition. There was very
little to be found* so I was fored to invent my own voabulary 9now widely ae%ted and
disseminated:. I s%ent the last 'A years orres%onding with thousands of narissists* tens of
thousands of their vitims* and hundreds of mental health %ratitioners. I maintain several
web sites regarding this and related disorders and a )ouTube hannel with my instrutional
videos. I am also the author of "4alignant Self+love: @arissism -evisited$ and other books*
e+books* and video letures about %ersonality disorders.
0" &hy ,PD' &hat moves you to ta%kle this to(i% on your we#sites and video %hannel'
)" The om%ulsive need to garner attention and the onstraint of having to make a living out
of my own freakishness.
1" Is it diffi%ult to diagnose ,PD'
)" Self+interested %rotestations of numerous diagnostiians notwithstanding* it is nearly
im%ossible to diagnose narissism and %syho%athy 9antisoial %ersonality disorder: if the
%atient refuses to ollaborate. The %syhologial "tests$ are risible and rely on self+re%orting
by %athologial liars and masters of oo%tion and mani%ulation 9narissists* %syho%aths: as
well as their owed family members and "friends$.
2" ,ar%issists are 3good3 at destroying or damaging relationshi(s """
)" @arissists have no relationshi%s. They are %arasiti %redators who are addited to
narissisti su%%ly 9attention* admiration* adulation* being feared:. They form liaisons only
with soures of suh su%%ly and only for as long as the su%%ly lasts. They harm their
%ros%etive %rey* mani%ulate and e3%loit their targets* e3trat the in%uts that they are
om%elled to onsume* and then off+handedly devalue and disard what remains of their
"lovers$* o+workers* "friends$* fans* and interloutors. They are relentless* meriless 9they
lak em%athy:* and roboti in this single+minded %ursuit.
@arissists are haughty* ho%eless team %layers* and delusional. Their grandiose fantasies
often translate into self+defeating ondut. They fre?uently alienate their nearest and dearest
and self+destrut s%etaularly.

Interview with the )uthor of The Death 4f
Sex )nd The Demise 4f Monogamy )nd
Malignant Self Love, Sam Vaknin (Part II"
Post by: Kabita Sonowal
Interview with the 5uthor of The Death 4f Sex )nd The Demise 4f Monogamy )nd Malignant Self Love* Sam Vaknin (Part II. )ou an read Part I of the interview here. In todayCs
interview* he disusses narissism in detail and the nature Ds. nurture debate of the same.

5 !" In your #ook, Malignant Self Love you have mentioned the ty(es of nar%issism" &hat is the differen%e #etween %ere#ral and somati% nar%issism ' &hen it %omes to self6
destru%tiveness, are they the same' &hat a#out relationshi(s'
)" There are no %syhodynami or behavioural differenes between these two subty%es. The
distintion is merely o%%ortunisti: the erebral narissist derives narissisti su%%ly from his
audiene!s reations to his %yrotehnial intellet and s%arkling intelligene* his brilliant
elo?uene* and his enylo%edi knowledge. The somati narissist garners attention and
aolades whih refer to his musulature* se3ual %rowess* and stamina. ;oth ty%es devour
human soures of su%%ly e?ually voraiously and dis%ose of the ara%aes with blood+
urdling nonhalane.
5 *" Is nar%issism a s(e%trum of severity7 mild, moderate, extreme' 8ow do these
gradations of nar%issism manifest in the nar%issist9s #ehavior, es(e%ially in his (resen%e
online and on so%ial networks'
)" @arissism is a s%etrum: from the healthy to the most severe form* known as @arissisti
Personality 2isorder. >ur soiety and ulture are narissisti and reward narissisti traits and
behaviors. #onse?uently* the inidene of narissism is skyroketing. Soial media and
similar me+tehnologies are mere manifestations and by+%roduts of this underlying trend.
>nline* mild narissists are likely to be hy%ervigilant 9%rone to being slighted: and arrogant*
but not e3%loitative and ruthless. Suh narissists are the initiators of and the fodder for flame
wars and trolling. The full+fledged variety involves antisoial 9%syho%athi: attem%ts to
e3trat benefits from one!s "friends$ and "followers$: se3ual* finanial* or in the form of
adulation in ult+like situations.
5 +" Is ,ar%issism ,ature or ,urture' )re you #orn with it or is it a%$uired'
)" Pathologial narissism is a reation to %rolonged abuse and trauma in early hildhood or
early adolesene. The soure of the abuse or trauma is immaterial + the %er%etrators ould be
%arents* teahers* other adults* or %eers. Pam%ering* smothering* s%oiling* and EengulfingE the
hild are also forms of abuse. There may be a geneti %redis%osition to narissism* however.
5 -" )%%ording to you, dangerous nar%issists, with money, (ower and (restige, like
President >bama* have a tremendous influen%e over (eo(le" &hat ha((ens when they
la%k nar%issisti% su((ly' 8ow destru%tive to themselves and to others %an they #e%ome'
5. @arissists naturally gravitate towards %ositions of authority : they love %ower* elebrity *
and money beause these translate easily to abundant narissisti su%%ly. The danger lies in
the narissist!s inability to em%athise with his hargesF his inevitable self+destrutive streak
whih wreaks havo on the lives of his followers* %atients* %arishioners* or fans F and his %oor
reality test: his delusional detahment from reality* his grandiose and fantasti .alse Self * and
his emotional investment in maintaining a fallaious front at all osts to him and to others.
The narissist regards everyone in terms of their funtionality as e3tensions of himself and as
founts of adulation and attention. ,e rages when they "malfuntion.$ ,e is blind to their
needs* emotions* and as%irations. ,e is unsto%%able in the %ursuit of his addition to su%%ly
and what he %ereives to be his self+interest. ,e is envious* s%iteful* and bullying. @ot
desirable traits in a olleague or a boss .
5 ." Is vanity the same as full+fledged %athologial narissism* somati or erebral8 ,ow an
you tell if someone is merely very vain or a narissist* in terms of their behavior8 7hat is the
ti%%ing %oint8
)" 7hat matters is that the following harateristis* often found in healthy %eo%le* a%%ear
jointly and not se%arately or intermittently and that they are all+%ervasive 9invade* %enetrate*
and mould every as%et* nook* and ranny of the %ersonality::
'. That grandiose fantasies are abundantly disernibleF
0. That grandiose 9often ridiulous: behaviors are %resentF
G. That there is an over+riding need for admiration and adulation or attention
9Enarissisti su%%lyE:F
H. That the %erson laks em%athy 9regards other %eo%le as two dimensional artoon
figures and abstrations* unable to Estand in their shoesE:F
I. That these traits and behaviors begin* at the latest* in early adoleseneF
A. That the narissisti behaviors %ervade all the soial and emotional interations of
the narissist.
5 0" Many suggest that the millennial generation is more nar%issisti% than other
generations' )re these the out%omes of so%ial media or %ele#rity %ults' Should we #e
worried a#out this'
A. The incidence and prevalence of narcissism have always been the same. What
has changed is that now a narcissistic personality style is widely embraced,
considered legitimate and acceptable, fawned rather than frowned upon. Like so
many skeletons, narcissists have come out of the closets. Ours is a culture of
celebrity. It is no longer merely me-rst, it!s me-only. "uch anomic atomi#ation
makes it very di$cult to maintain a functioning society% it renders
communication and collaboration onerous and ine$cient.