Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat
(book, audio, curriculum with Stephen and Amanda Sorenson)
Know Doubt
(book, formerly entitled Faith and Doubt)
john ortberg
The Me I Want to Be
Copyright © 2010 by John Ortberg
Ortberg, John.
The me I want to be : becoming God’s best version of you / John Ortberg.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-310-27592-3 (hardcover, jacketed)
1. Self-actualization (Psychology) — Religious aspects – Christianity. 2. Christian
life. I. Title.
BV4598.2O68 2009
248.4 — dc22 2009040163
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible,
Today’s New International Version™, TNIV®. Copyright © 2001, 2005 by Biblica, Inc.™
Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.
Other translations used are the New International Version (NIV), the New American
Standard Bible (NASB), the King James Version (KJV), the New Revised Standard Ver-
sion (NRSV), the New Living Translation (NLT), the Modern Language Bible (MLB), the
Living Bible (TLB), and The Message.
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the prior permission of the publisher.
Cover and Interior Design: Lindsay Lang Sherbondy with Heartland Community Church
Interior Design Management: Ben Fetterley
09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 • 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Sources • 255
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because I thought they would make me feel alive. I can’t wait anymore
to be that man, I thought.
I realized this then, and I know it now: I want that life more than I
want anything else. Not because I think I’m supposed to, not because it
says somewhere that you should. I want it.
There is a me I want to be.
Life is not about any particular achievement or experience. The most
important task of your life is not what you do, but who you become.
There is a me you want to be.
Ironically, becoming this person will never happen if my primary
focus is on me, just as no one becomes happy if their main goal is to
be happy. God made you to flourish, but flourishing never happens by
looking out for “number one.” It is tied to a grander and nobler vision.
The world badly needs wise and flourishing human beings, and we are
called to bring God’s wisdom and glory to the world. The truth is, those
who flourish always bring blessing to others — and they can do so in the
most unexpected and humble circumstances.
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a second time just to hang out with the guy. We would say to people who
got on after us, “Watch this guy!” He wasn’t just our shuttle bus driver — he
was our leader; he was our friend. And for a few moments, community
flourished. On a shuttle bus for a rental car company — and one person
moved toward the best version of himself.
What happened to that shuttle bus driver can happen in you. Sometimes
it does. Every once in a while you do something that surprises you and
catch a glimpse of the person you were made to be. You say something
inspirational at a meeting. You help a homeless man no one else notices.
You are patient with a rambunctious three-year-old. You lose yourself in a
piece of music. You fall in love. You express compassion. You stand up to
a bully. You freely make a sacrificial gift. You fix an engine. You forgive
an old hurt. You say something you would normally never say, or you keep
from saying something you would normally blurt out.
As you do, you glimpse for a moment why God made you. Only God
knows your full potential, and he is guiding you toward that best version
of yourself all the time. He has many tools and is never in a hurry. That
can be frustrating for us, but even in our frustration, God is at work to
produce patience in us. He never gets discouraged by how long it takes,
and he delights every time you grow. Only God can see the “best version
of you,” and he is more concerned with you reaching your full potential
than you are.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ J esus to do good
works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project. Your life
is God’s project. God thought you up, and he knows what you were
intended to be. He has many good works for you to do, but they are not
the kind of “to do” lists we give spouses or employees. They are sign-
posts to your true self.
Your “spiritual life” is not limited to certain devotional activities that
you engage in. It is receiving power from the Spirit of God to become the
person God had in mind when he created you — his handiwork.
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If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat
(book, audio, curriculum with Stephen and Amanda Sorenson)
Know Doubt
(book, formerly entitled Faith and Doubt)
16
MIND
TIME
SPIRIT
EXPERIENCE
RELATIONSHIPS
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Along with your spirit and mind, when you flourish, your time begins
to be transformed as well. You have confidence that whatever life throws
at you will not overthrow you. When the day dawns, you awake with a
sense of expectancy. You have a vibrant sense that things matter. You
begin to receive each moment as a God-filled gift.
You realize you are never too young to flourish. Mozart was compos-
ing brilliant music when he was five. The apostle Paul told Timothy,
“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young.” You are
also never too old to flourish. Grandma Moses was sixty-nine when she
took up painting, and Marc Chagall spent hours a day at his art in his
nineties. A few years ago my dad hit seventy, and at seventy years old
he started walking three miles a day. (Five years later, we have no idea
where to find him.)
Your flourishing self pours blessings into your relationships. You find
other people to be a source of wonder. They often bring you energy.
When you are with them, you listen deeply. You are struck by their
dreams. You bless. You are able to disclose your own thoughts and feel-
ings in a way that invites openness in others. You quickly admit your
errors, and you freely forgive.
Relationally, your languishing self is often troubled. You are undis-
ciplined in what you say, sometimes reverting to sarcasm, sometimes to
gossip, sometimes to flattery. You isolate. You dominate. You attack.
You withdraw.
But as God grows you, he wants to use you in his plan to redeem his
world, and you find him changing your experiences. Your flourishing
self works out of a richness and a desire to contribute. You live with a
sense of calling. How much money you make does not matter as much
as doing what you love and what creates value. You become resilient in
suffering. You get better. You grow.
What could you want more than to become the person God created
you to be?
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in the flow
“How is your spiritual life going?”
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Henri said. “If Trevor is not allowed to attend the lunch, then I will not
attend either.”
A way was found for Trevor to attend the lunch.
The Golden Room was filled with people who were quite excited that
the great Henri Nouwen was in their midst. Some angled to be close to
him. They thought of how wonderful it would be to tell their friends, “As
I was saying to Henri Nouwen the other day. . . .” Some pretended to have
read books they had not read and know ideas they did not know. Others
were upset that the rule separating patients and staff had been broken.
Trevor, oblivious to all this, sat next to Henri, who was engaged in
conversation with the person on his other side. Consequently, Henri did
not notice that Trevor had risen to his feet.
“A toast,” Trevor said. “I will now offer a toast.”
The room grew quiet. What in the world is this guy going to do?
everyone wondered.
Then Trevor began to sing.
If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass.
If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass.
If you’re happy and you know it, if you’re happy and you know it,
If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass.
At first people were not sure how to respond, but Trevor was beaming.
His face and voice told everyone how glad and proud he was to be there
with his friend Henri. Somehow Trevor, in his brokenness and joy, gave
a gift no one else in the room could give. People began to sing — softly
at first, but then with more enthusiasm — until doctors and priests and
PhDs were almost shouting, “If you’re happy and you know it. . . .”
All under the direction of Trevor.
No one was preening anymore. No one worried about the rules. No
one tried to separate the PhDs from the ADDs. For a few moments, a
room full of people moved toward the best version of themselves because
a wounded healer named Henri Nouwen lived among the challenged, and
because a challenged man named Trevor was living out the best version
of himself.
We do not just drift into becoming the best version of ourselves. It
can be missed by a genius, and it can be found by Trevor. If I want to
become that person I want to be, I will have to come to grips with the
counterfeits who elbow in to take his place — the rivals who can keep me
from becoming the me I am meant to be.
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The Me I Pretend to Be
God designed you to be you. When your life is over, he will not ask
you why you weren’t Moses or David or Esther or Henri Nouwen or
Trevor. If you don’t pursue that life we are talking about, he will ask
you why you weren’t you. God designed us to delight in our actual lives.
When I am growing toward the me I want to be, I am being freed from
the me I pretend to be. I no longer try to convince people I am important
while secretly fearing I am not.
A few years ago I had lunch with a man I don’t know well. We spent
two hours together, and he used the whole time for name-dropping — one
name after another of important people he knew, successful people he
had impressed, corporate executives he had influenced. What is amazing
is not simply that he went on so long, but that he was so clueless. By the
end of the lunch I felt drained and depressed. How could someone be so
blind, so unaware?
Then I had a horrible thought: If this man could be that blind, what
about other people? What about me? Do I have that same problem and
that same blindness? I decided I had better ask a close friend, so I did the
next week during lunchtime.
This woman and I decided that we both had that problem. So we tried
an experiment. The next week both of us were attending a gathering with
a group of people we regarded as important, and we decided to refrain
from saying anything to make us look intelligent or accomplished. I was
amazed at how little I had to say.
Sometimes the me I pretend to be leaks out in small acts of vanity. A
freshly minted lieutenant wanted to impress the first private to enter his
new office, and he pretended to be on the phone with a general so that
the private would know he was somebody. “Yes sir, General, you can
count on me,” he said as he banged the receiver down. Then he asked the
private what he wanted. “I’m just here to connect your phone, sir.”
Pretending to be someone we’re not is hard work, which is why we
feel tired after a first date or a job interview or among others we feel we
have to project an image for. We are drawn to transparency and long to
go where we can just “be ourselves.” It is a relief to not have to pretend
to pray more than we really do, or know more about the Bible than we
really know, or act more humble than we really are.
Inside us is a person without pretense or guile. We never have to pre-
tend with God, and genuine brokenness pleases God more than pretend
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in ways I didn’t even know. To make matters worse, the person I married
is one of those people who ran for school office — and always won. She
didn’t even have a good slogan: “Don’t be fancy, vote for Nancy.” (No,
I’m not making that up. She actually won with that.)
Finally, around the age of forty, I went through six months of deep,
internal emptiness and depression like none I had ever experienced.
Nancy was involved in work exploding with growth, and I felt as if the
trajectory of my life and work was destined to keep arcing downward. It
led to a moment I will never forget.
I sat in the basement of our home and said to God, “I give up my need
to be a leader.” Out of me came a volcano of emotion — wrenching sobs.
I felt all my dreams had died. All I knew was that holding onto my need
to lead was wrecking my life. So I prayed, “I’ll let it go. It’s been my
dream for so long, I don’t know what’s left. If I can’t become this leader
I thought I was supposed to be, I don’t know what to do. But I’ll try to do
the best I can to let it go.”
What I was really dying to was a false self, an illusion of misplaced
pride, ego, and neediness — the me I thought I was supposed to be.
Should is an important word for spiritual growth, but God’s plan is
not for you to obey him because you should even though you don’t want
to. He made you to want his plan for you.
On the other side of death is freedom, and no one is more free than a
dead man. Jesus had much to say about death to self, and on the journey
to the me you want to be, you will have some dying to do. But that kind
of death is always death to a lesser self, a false self, so that a better and
nobler self can come to life.
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way to live. Nobody else can tell you exactly how to change because
nobody but God knows.
When Nelson Mandela was imprisoned on Robbins Island for
his opposition to South Africa’s apartheid, he was issued a pair of
shorts — not long trousers — because his captors wanted his identity to
be that of a boy instead of a man. People in power over him wanted him
to be a docile accepter of a racist society. Angry people who suffered
with him wanted him to be a vengeful hater of their oppressors.
Mandela was neither. During twenty-seven years in prison, he suf-
fered and learned and grew. He called his prison “the University.” He
became both increasingly committed to justice and opposed to hate, and
by the end of his captivity, even his guards were won over by his life.
The final official charged to watch him used to cook Mandela gourmet
meals. When he went from Prisoner Mandela to President Mandela, he
sought to lead the country to peace through the Truth and Reconciliation
Commission, established on the biblical principle that “the truth shall
make you free.”
God didn’t make you to be Nelson Mandela. He made you to be
you — and no human being in your life gets the final word on who God
made you to be.
Even you can’t tell yourself how to change, because you didn’t create
you. To love someone is to desire and work toward their becoming the
best version of themselves. The one person in all the universe who can do
this perfectly for you is God. He has no other agenda. He has no unmet
needs he is hoping you can help him with. And he knows what the best
version of you looks like. He delighted in the idea of it, and he is already
working on it. The apostle Paul said, “We know that in all things God
works for the good of those who love him.”
Which means God is at work every moment to help you become his
best version of you.
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Failure to thrive.
Sometimes, doctors guess, failure to thrive happens when a parent
or caregiver is depressed and the depression seems to get passed down.
Sometimes something seems to be off in an infant’s metabolism for rea-
sons no one can understand, so FTT is one of those mysterious phrases
that sounds like an explanation but explains nothing.
Psychologists have begun to speak of what is perhaps the largest men-
tal health problem in our day. It is not depression or anxiety, at least not
at clinical levels. It is languishing — a failure to thrive.
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The Me I Am Meant to Be
God showed the prophet Ezekiel a vision of languishing: a valley full
of dry bones. It was the image of a failure to thrive. God asked Ezekiel,
“Can these bones live?” and Ezekiel answered, “You alone know.” God
did know, and he made them come alive.
I know a man named Tim who was an addict, lost his family, lost
everything, found God, gave up his addiction, and got his life back
again. I know a man named Peter who was a tormented slave to sex-
ual impulses, and God got ahold of him and that changed. I know of a
woman who hated confrontation so badly she once drove on an extended
road trip with her best friend for three days in silence to avoid confronta-
tion. Today she confronts recreationally.
God wants you to grow! He created the very idea of growth. The
Talmud says that every blade of grass has an angel bending over it, whis-
pering, “Grow, grow.” Paul said that in Christ the whole redeemed com-
munity “grows and builds itself up in love.”
Your flourishing is never just about you. It is a “so that” kind of con-
dition. God designed you to flourish “so that” you could be part of his
redemptive project in ways that you otherwise could not. He wants you
to flourish “so that” people can be encouraged, gardens can be planted,
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have life
J esus said, “I have come that they may have life, and
have it to the full.” We may have heard that without
understanding what Jesus offers. When he says he has
come to “give life,” what exactly does he mean?
We all feel that we know what life is when we see it, but
life turns out to be surprisingly tricky to define. So we
might start here: Life is the inner power to make some-
thing happen.
What are some ways God gives life and vitality to you?
How can you build these into your life and schedule?
• Nature • Scripture
• Spiritual friendships • Recreation
• Worship • Exercise
• Solitude • Family
• Serving • Long talks
• Study • Laughter
• Leading • Leading a cause
• Art • Retreat
• Rest • Small group
• Celebration • Other
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music can be written, sick people can be helped, or companies can thrive
in ways they otherwise would not. When you fail to become the person
God designed, all the rest of us miss out on the gift you were made to
give.
Jesus once said that with God, all things are possible, and the great
thing about life with God is that your next step is always possible. That
step toward God is always waiting, no matter what you have done or how
you have messed up your life. Jesus was hanging on a cross with a thief
hanging next to him, and Jesus turned to him and said, “Today you will
be with me in paradise.”
There is always a next step.
So I propose a toast: “Here’s to Trevor. And to Henri. And to the me
you want to be.”
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