MM561IntroductiontoPastoralCare

AssignmentThree
PastoralCareSituationEssay

Lecturer:BrianKrum
Student:KenHutchinson

DueDate:24thJune2013

Oneoftheteensinyourchurchsyouthgroupwantstotalktoyouaboutthepressureonherto
performoralsexwithherboyfriend.Partofherbelievesitiswrong,butanotherpartthinksthat
sincesheisnothavingintercourse,itmaynotbesowrongafterall.

Thanktheteenforbeingbraveenoughtoraisetheissuewithyou.Mentionthatchoosingto
becomesexuallyactiveisabigdecisiontomakeandseekingcounselisawisethingtodo.

Becauseofherageandgenderitwouldbeimportanttofindamaturefemalethatcouldrelateto
theteenandwhocouldideallytakeoverthepastoralcarefromthatpoint.Ifhoweverthisisnot
possiblethenalwaysinvolveanotherfemalewhenspeakingprivatelytotheteen.

Inarelaxedwayasktheteenopenendedquestionstogainsomeunderstandingofthesituation.
IstheboyfriendaChristian?Howdoeshepressureher?Ifshesaidno,whatwouldhappento
therelationship?

Thenaftergaininginsight,directtheconversationontoGodbyagainaskingopenended
questions.Whatdoyoubasemoraldecisionson?Ismoralitysubjectiveorobjective?Why
wouldGodputboundariesaroundsexuality?Theobjectisnottotelltheteenwhatsheshouldor
shouldntdo,buttobringGodintotheconversationandletherfigureoutforherselftherightthing
todo.AsChristiansweserveaHolyGodandourgoalistobecomemoreandmorelikeChristin
everythingwedo.

Finishwithaprayerandpromisetofollowuptheconversationwithinafewdays.

Acoupleishavingdifficultiesintheirmarriage.After10yearsofmarriagetheyarebeginningto
questionwhethertheyshouldremaincommittedtooneanother.Theyhavetwochildrenandare
bothworkingoutsidethehome.Theyattendchurchregularly.

Offertomeetthecoupleeitherintheirhomeorsomeotherplacethatisappropriatetodiscuss
theirmarriagesituation.Planaverybriefmeetingthatjustestablishesthefacts.Askthemto
explainintheirownwordsthecurrentsituation.Advisethemthatthisisjustapreparatory
meeting,notacounsellingsession,itissoyoucangainsomeunderstandingoftheissues.
Listencarefullyandclarifywiththemwhattheyhavesaid.Dontlettheconversationturnto
negativetalkabouttheotherperson.Finishthemeetingwithaprayerandreassurethemthat
thereishopefortheirmarriage.

Basedontheinitialmeetingworkouthowserioustheissuesare.Iftheyareserioussuggesta
marriagecounsellor,andthenfollowuptomakesuretheyattendtheirsessions.Offertomeet
withthehusbandforprayer,andencouragethewifetofindsomeonewithwhomshecanpray
withaswell.

Iftheissuesaremoreinlinewithyourknowledgeandexperience,thenoffertomeetwiththem
onaregularbasisforaselectedperiodoftime.Thismeetingcouldbefocusedaroundspiritual
growth,conflictresolution,communicationandexpectationsonmarriage.Withinthesemeetings
concentrateonsolutionsratherthanproblems.Dontletthemeetingsbecomeanopportunityto

teartheotherspousedown.Encouragethecoupletofindtheirownsolutions.Thepastoralcare
giversroleisnottoactasanintermediary,butratherasasupportivecoach.Aftertheselected
periodoftimehasceased,reassessthesituation.Isthecouplemakingprogress,ifnotthen
suggestfurtherhelpfromamarriagecounselor.Againreassurethemthatthereishopefortheir
marriageandthatyouwillcontinuetowalkalongsidethem.

Amemberofyourchurchwritesalettertotellyouthatshehasdiscontinuedcomingtoyour
church.Sheinformsyouthatasasingleadultwoman,Idonotfeelwelcomedinthisfamily
churchandfeelaloneandexcluded.

Thankthewomanforwritingtheletterandnotjustleavethechurchwithnoexplanation.Offerto
makeanappointmentwiththewomantodiscusstheletterfurther.Itwouldbegoodtomeetina
publicplace,orarrangeafemalecolleaguetoattendthemeetingwithyou.

Pastoralcarewouldinvolveaskingopenendedquestionstoestablishwhysheisfeeling
unwelcome,aloneandexcluded.Afterlisteningcarefullytoheranswers,talkthroughwhather
expectationsofchurchwere.Shehasmentionedinherletterthatasasingleadultwoman,she
feltexcludedinafamilychurch.Questionscouldbecentredaroundherunderstandingof
familywithinthekingdomofGod.InGodsfamilyallarewelcome,andthewordfamilydoesnt
inanywayrestrictitselftomum,dadandthekidsonthecontrarytheentirechurchisseenas
oneextendedfamilymadeupofallagesandcultures.

Askherifsheweretostay,wouldshebewillingtoworkwiththeleadershiptofigureout
solutionsthatwouldhelpotherstofeelmoreincluded.Asitcertainlyistheintentionofthe
leadershipthatallfeelwelcomewithinthechurch.

Askhertoconsiderrethinkingherdecisiontoleaveandthenmakeanappointmenttofollowup
herdecision.Ifafterthefollowupmeetingshestilldecidestoleave,thengiveyourblessingand
partwithgoodwillandfriendshiptowardher.

Sincethedeathofhiswifeof32yearsamanhasnotattendedchurchforsixweeks.Bothhe
andhiswifehadbeenpreviouslyveryinvolvedinthelifeofthechurch.

Thefirstpointofpastoralcarewouldbetomakecontactwiththeman.Makeaphonecalltore
establishcontactandaskifitwouldbeoktocomeandseehiminhishome.

Ifthemanagreestomeeting,pastoralcarewouldcentrearoundaskingsimpleopenended
questions,thenlisteningcarefullytotheanswerstogaugewherealongthegriefprocesshe
currentlyis.Itisimportantforthepastoralcaregivertolistentowhatthemanisfeeling,notto
offerquickclichedanswersinordertocheerthemanup.Otheropenedendedquestionscould
centrearoundpracticalhelp.Ishetakingcareofhimself?Doeshehaveagoodsupportnetwork
offamilyandfriends?Ifitbecomesevidentthatthemandoesnthavegoodsupportnetworks,
thenanumberofphonecallscouldbemadetoorganisewhateverislackingwhetheritbe
practicalorsocial.Othermembersfromthechurchfellowshipcouldbeinvolvedatthispoint,or

ifmoreserious,professionalhelpcouldbesought.Finishthemeetingwithanoffertofollowup
withanothermeetingwithinafewweeksandifappropriateafriendlygoodbyebysayingthatit
wouldbegoodtoseethematchurchonSunday.

Atthefollowupmeeting,pastoralcarewouldagaincentrearoundopenendedquestionsbased
onwhathadbeensaidatthepreviousmeeting.Ifthemanwasstillnotattendingchurch,
pastoralcarecouldthistimebecentredaroundanythingthatwashinderingchurchattendance.
Perhapsthemanhasanumberofreasonsfornonattendance.Asbeforelistencarefullytothe
answersgivenandifappropriategentlyaddresseachissue,outliningthebenefitsofbeingpartof
achurchfellowship.Othersinthechurchwhoknewthemanwellcouldbeencouragedtospend
timewiththehimalso,helpingthemanfeelcaredfornotjustbyoneperson,butbythebroader
churchfellowship.Thegoalisalwaystohelptheman,nottoforcehimbacktochurch.