Pickets

& Blinds

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Designed, Written, and Photographed by Kevin Allen Jr.

Edited by Kate Horowitz

2011 Kevin Allen Jr. Design. All rights reserved.

Links
This is a linked, bookmarked PDF. Go ahead
and just click on the items to the right to jump
to that section.

The Catalog is similarly tagged, and works

just the same.

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What
You Can
Expect
From
All This
Mess

This is a game. Its you against the other players. There will
be winners and losers, but everyone is going to have to live
with what theyve done.
Some games have you move little metal dogs and racecars
across a board. Other games make you throw dice, or run
around, or make difficult strategic or diplomatic decisions.
This game has none of that. This game is all about telling
stories: stories about how normal people in normal
American towns end up killing each other.
Every player is going to tell his own story. Each story will
be a separate and unique tale of a murder in the suburbs.
The stories are told one scene at a time as everyone takes
turns. Every time your turn comes up, you tell a little more
of your main characters story, picking up where you left off,
describing another scene. The stories are not scripted, and
theres no right or wrong way to go about it. You are trying
to keep everyone else at the table entertained.
As you tell your story, youll try to include particularly
exciting moments (called Triggers). Once you work a
Trigger into your story, you get to play a simple, Memorystyle card game, the goal of which is to capture pairs. As
pairs are made, they are removed from play. Collecting
these pairs earns you points, and when the cards run out,
the player with the most points wins.
Successfully collecting pairs also allows you to mess with
the other players stories, making things trickier for their
characters, and generally heightening the tension. This leads
to even more exciting stories.
But its not all that cut and dry. There is another factor
at play: which card that cant be paired up? If at any time
youre able to guess what card is without its match, you
greatly increase your chances of winning. Guess wrong, and
youll lose the game. Theres a reason that odd card is called
The Downfall.

Nothing Happens for a Reason

8 , )  3 & . ) ' 8  3 * 8 , )  + % 1 )

What Youll Need in Your Toolbox

Youll need a standard deck of playing cards. Dont fuck
around with pinochle or Uno or any of that you might
hurt yourself, and you sure as shit wont be able to play
this game right.
Youll also need good clean surface to play on. An average
kitchen table should do fine.

Pickets & Blinds is above all else a game of

telling stories. These stories might be dark, or
funny, or sad, or scary, but they should always be
entertaining. Winning is great and all, but that
isnt exactly why youre going to saddle up to this
table. You play this game because you want to
explore the lives of normal folks who are driven
to murder. You want to get in their heads and in
their shoes and laugh and cry and bleed along
with them. You want to direct the movie, you
want the starring role, and you want to sit in the
audience and enjoy the competition. The better
the stories are, the more fun everyone is going
to have. As an added bonus, the better the story
youre telling is, the better you will do at the
game. Good storytelling is the alpha strategy.

The winner of the game gets away with murder.

The police dont suspect you. The family doesnt
find out. Your darkest sins remain your own. No
matter what youve told in the story so far, no
matter how many bloody Isotoners you leave on
her doorstep, if you win the game, your character
goes free.

Let me repeat that: If you want to win a game of

Pickets & Blinds, you need to tell a good story.

While there can be multiple losers, only one

person can and will win the game.

The opposite is true of the loser(s). If you lose

the game, the shit is really going to hit the fan.
Youre either going away forever, or youll get the
chair, or youll be taken down by a hail of gunfire
in a service station restroom. Whatever the
particulars of your story may be, you will suffer
a most awful and righteous punishment for your
crimes. Make no mistake: the losers will suffer.

But why bother? Whats in it for you? Whats

worth this fuss?

Lastly, youll want to have some scraps of paper and a pen

laying around.

The fewer people you have at the table, the longer every
story gets, and generally the longer the game feels; but,
at most, you can expect an hour and a half s worth of
amusement. This isnt a hard and fast limit, so you might
want to set your TiVo.

Dont try this with less than three players, and dont get
involved with more than five.

8,63;-2+8,)+%1)

You may find as you are spinning your tale of woe that you dont want to win, and that you
actually want to see an awful and just fate befall your character. You are a murderer, after all.
You may even consider throwing the game so you lose.

Dont do it. Not because you should always try to win, but because itll screw up the game for
the other players. Play to win, keep narrating Triggers, and keep the story exciting. If you want
to change the rules at the very end so you get to describe an end that is right and good, thats
the time to do it. Not before. Murder is a crazy thing, and it makes us do crazy things.

Stacking The Deck

7)88-2+948,)+%1)
Remove any Jokers and advertising cards from the deck. Separate the deck into suits. Pick the
particular Tone everyone at the table wants for this game. Then, shuffle together the two suits that
make up the Tone youve selected. If, for example, you and your friends wanted to play a game with
the Tone A Dark Banality, you would shuffle together the Clubs and the Diamonds.
Its that simple!

3988,)36(-2%6=,)%687'09&7
The housewives would never self-identify as
desperate, but only because desperation has so
thoroughly infused this world that it seeps out
from the Formica countertops like the sap of a
wounded tree. Someone drives through the town
at night and cleans up the roadkill; church parking
lots are crowded on most Sunday mornings;
lawns get mowed; the lovemaking gets done with
the lights off; but its all a thin veneer hiding a
province of distress and moribund humanity. The
wall still stands, but the plaster is crumbling, and
it wont take much to punch a hole right through.
If you arent sure how to start playing Pickets &
Blinds, or if this is your first time playing, give
Out the Ordinary a spin.

8,)+32>30-*)74%()7,)%687
This is trash-culture America teetering at the
yawning edge of destruction. The Gonzo Life is
made of sparks and bubbles and the thick haze of
someone smoking fermented banana peels they
imported from Croatia by way of Tallahassee.
The trailer park is on fire, and your wife is leaving
you for a birthday clown: shit has turned pearshaped. Imagine if the movie Pee-wees Big
Adventure was about a murder instead of a bike
theft and you might end up with the kind of

story you could tell with this Tone. The Gonzo

Life is in turns ridiculous, psychotronic, campy,
and difficult to believe. Just like cough syrup, use
this Tone responsibly, but dont be afraid to have
some fun with it.

%(%6/&%2%0-8='09&7(-%132(7 
Pickets & Blinds doesnt map too well to true
crime, but if youre really interested in telling a
story that you might see buried on page 8 of your
towns local paper, select A Dark Banality as
your Tone. This is the most realistic of the Tones.
It focuses on the minutiae of everyday life and
emphasizes how a mundane event can be sinister
as hell. It should be advised that sometimes
this Tone is a little harder for beginners to get,
but every player is different and will respond
differently to the material this Tone provides.

Once youve chosen the Tone of the game you

want and shuffled the appropriate suits into a pile,
you can put those cards aside. These are called the
Tone cards.
You will still be left with half a deck, made up of
one red suit and one black (if this isnt the case
youve done something horribly wrong; go back
and clean up your mess). Shuffle these cards up
real good (but still keep them separate from the
Tone cards. Dont even worry about those right
now, pretend they never happened).

This should leave you with one odd card out. One
spare, lonely card that doesnt fit in The Town.
This card is called The Downfall, and you dont
want anything to do with it. DONT LOOK AT
IT. Try not to touch it too much and dont lend it
any money. The Downfall is a dangerous element.
It could be either very good or very bad for you.
For now, put it aside and try to forget about it.
When youre done your table should look
something like this:

Now that the cards are shuffled, deal them facedown in a grid five cards wide by five cards tall.
This grid will henceforth be referred to as The
Town, so get used to that name.

8,-7;360(+32)1%(
(-%132(774%()7
A trail mix made from all the other Tones.
The potential exists here for all flavors of play.
Expect surprises. Play it fast and loose. This is the
potpourri, baby: take a big sniff.

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Your Character
8 , )  * 3 ' 9 7  3 * = 3 9 6  7 83 6=
Youre going to be telling a story that focuses
all its attention on a single character and the
events that led to him slaying another person.
Your inclination might be to know as much
about this character as you can before you get
started. You might think this would be a good
way to prepare or ready yourself for play.
Dont do it.
At this point its best to only come up with
the generalities. The real meat of who your
character is and how he acts will come out
as youre playing. That stuff is best when it
develops organically. You really need to know
only a bare minimum of information about
your character before you start storytelling.
For now, just look over the list of questions
to the right and answer them in your head.
You dont even need to write them down or
commit them to memory (although knowing
your characters name would be good). Just use
them to conjure a mental image of who your
character is, and where he is in his life.
If you still feel like you would be more
comfortable undertaking this endeavor with
a clearer vision of your guy, then try to
picture what your main character looks like
when hes doing some routine task in his
everyday life: taking out the trash, or ordering
a pizza. If you can see in your head what your
character looks like when he thinks no one is
looking back, youve got a really firm grip on a
lot of the subtleties of his personality. Return
to this mental image just before you start your
narration each turn, and use it as a touchstone
to keep you grounded.

R What is your characters name?

R What race, gender, and age is
your character?
R What does your character do
for a living?
Questions you might want to consider,
but can just as well be answered in play
as the story is told:
R Which family or friends does your
character frequently associate with?
R In what kind of place does your
character live?
R How much money/what kind of
resources does your character have
access to?
R What would drive him to murder?

Where
This All
Goes Down
8 , )  7 ) 8 8 - 2 +  3 *
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American towns feels safe, but in fact there

are undertones of insecurity, suspicion, everyday
danger, resentment, fear, avarice, complacency,
and agoraphobic dread. There is a lot below the
surface here. You pull the wood paneling off the
walls and find out the studs are rotted through.
People put on polite airs, keep their lawns mowed
and cars washed but its all a dodge. Truth is in
short supply out here, and security is little
more than a jingoist pageant put on by real
estate agents.
Things arent as they appear. Its an anonymous
place, where it is easy to hide out in plain sight
and standing out is rewarded with suspicion and
derision. Its a cynical outlook, sure, but what did
you really expect from a game about murder?
While you are playing Pickets & Blinds consider
that the events of everyones stories take place in
the same town at the the same time. Generally
these events transpire over the course of a single
daythough its not a hard and fast rule that
they must. The characters in the different stories
need not know each other, or even have any real
relationships, but by collocating the stories you
create a singular amalgamate setting that binds
all the stories together. This makes the suburban
setting feel more real and alive and helps
everybody suspend their disbelief.
It also provides you with opportunities for
secondary characters to appear in more than one
story, or have the events of one players narration
impact the plot of anothers. This is fun stuff
when it happens. The more you tie your stories
together, the richer your game experience will be.

Taking Your Turn

The player with the most felony convictions gets the first turn. If there is a tie in this regard then the
player who has spent the most time in jail starts things off. If there is yet another tie the youngest player
at the table gets to start because they have more time to get mixed up in bad things.
The bulk of your turn is going to be dedicated to telling one scene of your characters story.
A story of murder.
But before you can begin to tell your story, youll have to draw some Tone cards.

Drawing Tone Cards

At the start of the game everyone at the table
chose two suits to shuffle together. These are the
Tone cards. At the start of every turn youll draw
two of them. These two cards together will assign
you a Lead for the turn. A Lead is a short phrase
or idea that implies a greater story.
Flip to the back of this guide, and youll find a
section titled The Catalog. The Catalog is divided
into 23 Categories. Each Category is denoted by
a particular card (for example: Kings, or Red 3s).
Many Categories are further divided into card
suits or colors. However the category is divided, it
is always a list of thematically related Leads.
The first Tone card you draw will tell you which
category in The Catalog to look up.
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The second Tone card will tell you which Lead
within that Category you have to work with.
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Try to work the Lead into your narration this

turn. You dont have use the phrase verbatim,
just the spirit of the idea. If the lead you draw is
Michael got wasted and ran over his own foot
with the garden edger, you could talk about
anybody suffering an unfortunate accident at the
hands of a roto-tiller, or someone getting drunk
and perilous while working in the yard. You could
even introduce a new character: Michael, the
alcoholic landscaper with a bad limp. The way you
incorporate your Lead is your decision.
Youll be earning some points for how well you
integrate the Lead into your story, so dont halfass it.
Once youve learned what your Lead is those two
Tone cards youve drawn have no further use. Put
them face-up in a discard pile. When the deck of
Tone cards runs out, shuffle up the discard pile
and start re-using them. The chances that the same
Lead will come back to haunt someone is slim, but
even if that happens, its a great opportunity for
some undercurrents in the stories.
Now that you have a Lead to work with, its time
to start shaping it into a scene...

Narrating
Now is when you start the actual process of telling your characters story. You sit at the table and
narrate a movie the other players watch in their minds, a movie you make up as you go. Just describe
one scene per turn, and you dont concern yourself with what the next scene will be until your turn
comes up again. In fact, the less you know about where your story is going, the more open
to possibilities and diversions you will be, and the more exciting your story will be for it.
Think about your character, consider the Lead you have to work with, and just start making up a
story. Its not as hard as it sounds. Begin by describing a location, and then mention which characters
are present and what they are doing. From there you should start trying to work in your Lead and
move the scene toward an exciting end.
Every scene should ratchet up the tension. We all know a murder is coming, but we dont know who,
or how, or why. Answering those questions is a slow burn over the course of the whole game, with
many little flare-ups along the way.
Each scene ends with a jolt. These shake-ups are called Triggers, and they serve a very important
role in the game.

The Triggers:

Triggers

These big moments are called Triggers. Presented on

the next page is a list of events that ALWAYS count as
Triggers. If something else happens in the game thats
particularly noteworthy, exciting, shocking, dramatic, or
entertaining, feel free to count that as a Trigger.
You want to try to work a Trigger into every one of your
turns if you can. From the start of your turns narration
you should be thinking about how you can include a
Trigger. Setting up the dominoes, so to speak, so at the
end of your scene you can knock them all down.
Once youve described a Trigger occurring, try to wrap
up your scene. Most of the time, the inclusion of these
events will create a good natural pause in your story,
right then and there. These scenes are meant to be
quick, compelling, and dynamic. Think of your story
as a condemned building wired with explosives: its
dangerous and interesting and has the potential to be a
real thrill ride. Trigger it, and get out.
When you work a Trigger into your story you are
rewarded by Going to Town. Thats the catch-all
term for a card game that exists within the larger play
experience of Pickets & Blinds. When you Go to Town
you will test your memory, try to make pairs, and maybe
even guess at the secret identity of The Downfall.

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There are only two exceptions
to the Trigger It and Get
Out rule: When the events
of one Trigger carry over
into the start of another
turn, and/or when the events
of a Trigger set up the scene
you are about to tell. Things
like fights can make for
fun scenes, and they only
get going when the Trigger
happens. Dont blow a cool
scene just because youve
earned a chance to Go to
Town. Keep things tight,
but have some fun with it.
Triggers are all about making
the events you want to see
happen.

You want to liberally season your story with big

moments: startling revelations, incredible happenings,
danger, peril, dread, sex, love. In fact, you want to have a
big moment at the end of every one of your turns.

8 , )  ' 6 - 1 - 2 % 0  ' , % 6 + ) 7 8 6 - + + ) 6 
If any important or noteworthy crimes are committed. Noteworthy is a
question of relevanceplagiarism would mean a lot more in a story about
a college professor than in a story about stock-car drivers, and should then
count as a Trigger.

8 , )  * - + , 8 8 6 - + + ) 6 
If your character becomes involved in a conflict or altercation (verbal or physical).

8 , )  - 2 . 9 6= 8 6 - + + ) 6 
If anyone in your story is hurt, wounded, or suffers an accident.

8 , )  ' % 6 2 % 0 - 8 = 8 6 - + + ) 6 
If anyone in your story engages in or witnesses an explicitly sexual act.

8 , )  ' 63 7 7 3 : ) 6 8 6 - + + ) 6 
If you ever introduce into your story a character that first appeared in another
players story. This Trigger only counts the very first time that character shows
up, and not at every repeat appearance..

8 , )  & - +  ( ) ) ( 8 6 - + + ) 6 
When the victim of your story is finally dead.

Going to Town
After youve successfully worked a Trigger into
your story and wrapped up your turns narration,
its time to Go to Town. If you work into your
turns narration more than one Trigger you still
only get to Go to Town once.
For example:
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When you Go to Town you face a decision.
Do you want to try to make a pair or do you
want to attempt to guess The Downfall? You can
only do one of the two when you Go to Town,
so choose wisely.

Lets first talk about what you do when you want

to try to make a pair, as youll be doing this a lot
more frequently than guessing at The Downfall.
In fact, youll get one guess at The Downfall, but
well discuss that once were firm on pairs, how to
get them and what theyre good for.

If there arent any face-up cards that pair with the

card youve just picked up, dont worry about it.
Remember your card so that in future turns you
know where it is. This will help you immensely
when you try to make pairs throughout the rest
of the game.

Making Pairs:
Pick up one of the face-down cards in Town and
look at it. Dont show the card to any of the other
players; keep it to yourself just like a magic trick.
If this card matches any of the face-up cards in
Town, slap it down on top of its partner and
put both cards in front of you. Congratulations:
youve made a pair.

Not being able to make a pair with the first card

you look at will happen more often than not.
Sometimes there might not even be any face-

up cards in Towneither on account of it being

the very first turn, or all the face-up cards having
been turned into pairs and taken out of play.
When this occurs and card you look at DOES
NOT match any of the face-up cards in Town,
put your card back where you found it, face down.
Then, pick up a second face-down card in Town
and flip it over, laying it bare and naked for all
to see.

For example:

If you just so happen to flip over one card and its a pair with another face-up card in Town, go ahead
and take that pair. Youve just succeeded through either dumb luck or careful planning. Take your pair
and finish your turn.
If you make a pair with the first card you look at (the one you keep secret) youre done in Town.
You dont get to turn another card over. Dont be greedy.

Finishing Your Turn

There are two ways your turn ends. The first is when youve resolved the
actions of Going to Town, either trying to make pairs or predicting The
Downfall. Once youve Gone to Town your turn is over.

Guessing the Downfall Card

When you think youve youve deduced which of the cards in Town
isnt part of a matched pair you are ready to guess the identity of
The Downfall.
The next time youre able to Go to Town, simply announce that you
are going to reveal The Downfall. Then, on a scrap of paper, write
down the card you believe The Downfall to be, and the number of
cards left in Town at the time of your prediction.
This second bit is important, because if you are right in your
prediction you will be awarded more points based on how early in
the game you guessed correctly. The fewer cards that are in Town
when you guess, the easier it is to predict The Downfall, and the
fewer points it will be worth at the end of the game.
Fold up your prediction and put it somewhere public. Dont tell
people what you predicted or did not predict, as it could influence
their thoughts on the matter.
You can guess The Downfall any time you Go to Town, but thats
all you get to do for the rest of that turn. You dont get to look and
flip, you dont get the chance to win a pair, none of that. Also, you
are only allowed one guess the whole game, so youd better make it
count.
You dont have to try to predict The Downfall if you dont want to.
Nothing special happens if you end the game without having made
a prediction. Yes, youve spared yourself a potentially damned fate,
but youll also have denied yourself a good number of points. You
make your own path through the woods, and where you end up is
up to you.

4%77-2+
The other way your turn can end is by Passing. You can Pass at any time
during your narration, even if you havent described a Trigger. There is no real
benefit to Passing. It wont win you the game. Sometimes, however, you get
stuck and need to take a minute to think about where your characters story is
going, and Passing can help with that. Passing is just like it sounds: a way out
of of the spotlight with no reward.

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Once your turn is over and youre ready to move on the other players at the
table table briefly discuss successful they believe you were at including your
Lead.
The other players will award you between 1 and 3 points for how well you
incorporated your Lead into your turns narration. 1 point should be awarded
if the Lead was included in passing, a casual mention, or a quick cameo for
the sake of inclusion. Theres nothing wrong with this approach, and when
it comes to some of the weirder results its probably for the best. 2 points
should be awarded if the storyteller included the element in a way that was
important to the story, or if the element was smoothly integrated into its
surroundings, like it always belonged there. 3 points should be awarded
rarely and only in cases where the inclusion of the element is so seamless you
cant imagine the story having been told in any other way. It is very possible
in some games that no one will merit a 3-pointer, and thats just fine. They
should be hard to get.
Dont hem and haw over the deliberating; come to a conclusion as quickly
as you can. If theres a dispute that looks like its going to take longer than
a minute to work out, then award the player a single point and move on.
Dont waste valuable play time on petty arguments, or passive-aggressive
maneuvering.
Once points have been awarded your turn is over. The next player sitting to
the right then begins their turn.



When It Is Not
Your Turn
Even when it is not your turn, there are
ways you can participate and interact with
the other players. The most important,
though, is to listen carefully.
Listening to the other players stories is
more than just a polite thing to do; its
useful to you as a player. First of all, youll
learn more from listening to other people
play this game with you than you will
from any dumb book. Secondly, it affords
you opportunities to make good use of
those pairs youve been collecting.
See, up until this point those pairs arent
really doing much for you. In fact, they
arent even earning you points. In order for
this whole sad pageant to even be worth
anything youll have to turn those pairs
into Complications.

Complications
A Complication is just what it sounds like
a monkey wrench thrown into another players
plans. You get to take over their story for a
moment and describe how things go wrong.
Its as much about challenging the player to
tell a more difficult story as it is about adding
adversity to that characters life. Complications
should be obstacles, frustrating turns of events,
difficult situations, and uncomfortable surprises
for everyone involved.
The point of Complications is not, however, to
screw the other players (although there is a little
bit of gotcha involved in the spirit of the act),
but rather to keep everyone thinking on their
feet, and to keep the stories interesting. Adding
a Complication is a delicate procedure.
While another player is narrating his story, pick
up one of your pairs, hold it aloft and declare
that you are adding a Complication. Go ahead
and interrupt the storytelling. Be rude about it
and announce what youre doing so everyone at
the table knows. Its important that you make
this act public. Complications are big deals, and
usually pretty exciting events.

Keep your Complication short and to the

point. One or two brief sentences should
be enough to explain the Complication. If
you cant say what you mean in that a few
sentences, youre trying too hard. The nature
of the Complication should be something
that makes the life of the main character of
the story harder. A Complication isnt meant
to make the narrators life harder.

into the swing of things. Unless, of course,

you or someone else at the table Complicates
them again.

Always build on what that player has already

narrated. Dont undo something thats already
been done, and dont come out of left field.
Try to maintain the vibe and atmosphere that
has been established. Yes, and or Yes,
but is one thousand times better than No,
this is what happens. Remember that you are
working within someone elses story.

R55,5*#,-5(5-5,51),."5m5*)#(.-85

Dont build walls or create impossible obstacles

that the narrating player cant overcome. The
fun of Complications is seeing the other
player squirm as they ultimately overcome
your Complication, not in derailing them
completely so they cant go on.

After youve described your Complication you

can record on the scorecard the points youve
earned for the pair you just spent.
R5/',5,5*#,-5,51),."5k5*)#(.-8

It helps to also record exactly which pair

was used to earn these points, so pairs dont
accidentally get used more than once. Put
the used pair aside and forget about it.
Remember that you dont get any points
for pairs you collect that dont become
Complications, so be agressive with them.
Rest assured knowing that whenever you
create a Complication, the other players were
not ready for it. Complications are always
surprising. You gain nothing by waiting for
the perfect moment, because those moments
rarely come.

Once youve described a Complication, stand

down and let the player whove you just
burdened narrate their way out of it. Ideally
they should be trying to work their way
through your Complication in the course of
THIS TURN. By the next turnat the very
latestthey should have moved past the
pothole you dug in their highway, and be back



Play Advice & Storytelling

Every scene is is made up of a million little things: the way the barber lisps through days gossip, the
heavy stenchor of aftershave in the humid air, the dark hurricane clouds threatening the parking lot,
and the woman with a handgun coming in to exact her revenge. Put it in a pot and boil them down
and you get three basic elements of storytelling: Setting, Characters, and Action.

Setting
These stories happen in the American suburbs, but thats a lot of
territory. Start by setting the scene. Describe the sights and sounds
and smells (Thats right, even the smells. Smells are super evocative;
aint you never read Proust, motherfucker?). These details are easy to
forget about when youre all caught up in the heat of the moment
with a homicide on your mind. You want to tell the exciting stuff
and not mess around with the little details like place and time. Dont
fall into this trap!
Setting details really help the other players visualize your story. You
may know that the scene you are about to describe takes place in the
sorting room of a post office, but until you say so, no one else does.
You have to let people in the door, show them around your scene.
Rich descriptions make for powerful scenes.
The opposite is also a problem. Dont get bogged down with overly
detailed description. This will bore your friends and waste their
time. Get across the broad strokes and then only detail the relevant
or really interesting elements.
Change locations when you can. Try not to spend more than two
consecutive turns with your character in the same place. Moving
the action around helps stir up story possibilities and introduce
new ideas.

Characters
After youve created a sense of place for your scene, tell us who is present. The point of the game is
to ultimately tell the story of your particular character, so he should probably figure into all of your
scenes (he doesnt have to, but drifting away from this is some advanced technique shitgo for it if
you feel like your P&B kung fu has proven strong).
We learn about your character by seeing how he interacts with others. A varied cast of others makes
your story captivating. Establish some other characters, then build relationships and tear them
apart. Give your character a supporting cast to work with. Stories about just one character arent just
boring. Theyre really hard to tell in this game. Build yourself a couple of other leading roles to make
your story really sing.

8,)7944368-2+'%78

It can be a good idea (and a lot of fun) to establish an

antagonist in your story. Someone who has it out for your
character, who wants to see your man hurt or fail. Give
your character a love interest, or a sidekick, or a whole
Greek chorus and a bit with a dog. A robust cast of extras
is the secret ingredient to making your story feel like it
takes place in a town and not on a closed stage. Little
one-note actors who show up to do their thing and then
return to their lives create a fabric of realism. The lazy
mailman, the guy at the deli counter, the woman walking
her dog, the real estate agent who hasnt caught a break:
these little morsels of color make your story feel grounded
in reality (or surreality, as the case sometimes may be).
More importantly, they construct a believable suburb that
cradles your sinner and his sins.



Action
Voice
If your character speaks in a scene, feel free to either
speak as him or just explain the jist of what he
sayswhatever makes you more comfortable. Some
folks like to take this opportunity to do a little playacting. If thats your thing, you go ahead and get to
it, and dont let nobody stop you.

Action is the thing most people think of when they

think about describing a scene from a story. Action
is the meat and potatoes, and should be the bulk of
your narrationdescribing what exactly is occurring
in the scene, what the characters are doing and
sayingand sometimes even what they are thinking.
What is your character saying to other characters,
and how are those characters responding? What
else are they doing while they are talking? Are they
cooking dinner? Pacing the room? Digging a hole in
the floor of the potting shed, in preparation of dark
work? Describing these things should come naturally
to most, as the actions of a main character and the
events that surround him are really the things we
think to speak about when we tell stories.

'32:)67%8-327

59-)8

Dont under-value the impact of a quiet scene.

Sometimes the scenes where nothing happens
can be the most powerful or moving in a story.
Consider those moments between the more
direct actions, the mundane, seemingly
meaningless actions.

If you need to have a conversation with another

character in the scene, go ahead and ask another
player at the table to stand in for that character.
They cant draw cards for you or any of that rule
stuff, but they can make up dialogue and chat with
you all you want.
Remember, this is YOUR scene. Feel free to direct
the conversation from a meta level. Telling the
other player, This is what youre thinking, helps
drive these conversation scenes. Remember that
you are in the editors chair and can cut away
or pass or take over describing what happens
whenever you like. Just keep that in mind when
another player drags you into a scene with their
character.
If you are asked to play someone in another
characters story, do your best. This can be a lot
of fun but remember you are trying to make
their story better. Do feel free to play pairs to
Complicate things just as you normally would. In
fact, having a character in the scene already is a
pretty smooth way to author Complications.



7)0*'6)%8)(3&78%'0)7
So we have just one little problem and it has to do with making trouble for
your character. Now trust me on this, cause Im a professional, but theres
this really unfortunate thing that can happen to people with the very best
of intentions when playing this game. You see, you may read all this this,
and get yourself plenty excited to play, and then as your telling your story
you think up this really cool obstacle for your character to deal with, some
terrible torment for them. Awesome, right?

When Youre Stuck for Whats Next

in Your Story
If youre feeling stuck for where to go and what to tell next,
consider the ground youve already covered, what youve
revealed about your character and what you still want to
reveal. Try to set yourself up for future scenes when youre
narrating. Give yourself some strings to pick up and tug on
in your next turn. You can accomplish this by mentioning
your characters intentions to go and do something,
introducing other characters you think will be important to
talk about or meet up with, describing new locations and
reasons to go there, or creating tenuous situations that invite
other players to Complicate.
Another way to deal with the feeling of being stuck when
your turn comes up is to consider the Lead youve just
drawn. Usually you want to try to fit the Lead into the story
youre telling, but if your floundering for what to do next,
reverse the equation. That is, make the Lead youve drawn
be the basis for your scene, and work your story around it.

Actually, no.

So heres the rub: If you come up with YOUR OWN adversity for your
character, and then you describe how you overcome it, its really unsatisfying.
The whole Complication thing is about problem solving. The fun of the
activity comes from you thinking your way out of an unforeseen difficulty.
When you make up your own problems, they arent nearly as hard as ones
other people invent for you. Deep in your brain meats (even if you dont
realize it), you know a solution before you can even get around to describing
the problem. Its actually really good you can do this; its the same kind of
instinctual process that keeps you from trying to cuddle with wild animals
or dance with speeding trains. It just sucks for storytelling.

So let other players create adversity for you. Look forward to them playing
pairs against you and creating Complications, because itll make your story
so much richer and more fun. But dont try to do it to yourself. Shooting
yourself in the foot, believe it or not, actually just shoots you in the foot.



Pacing
It can be hard to determine when
you should be wrapping up your
story while you are improvising.
Fortunately there is a handy visual
reference for this: The Town.
As cards are paired and removed
from Town, the game starts drawing
to a close. Sure, you could count out
how many turns you think there
are left till the game ends, but just
keeping a casual eye on the Town
and whats going on there should
give you a good gauge to pace your
story with. You dont want the game
to end before you actually manage to
kill someone.

Murder, Finally
Ultimately, in every story, someone
is going to die, and you are going
to have to describe it. This is the big
moment, perhaps even the point of
your story (though not necessarily),
so give it its due. Theres no need
to be overly graphic. Murder is an
uncomfortable thing, and it should
give people the heebie-jeebies a
little, but dont forget this is a game,
and weve come to this table to
entertain each other. Dont try to
creep everyone else out. It makes you
look bad, and its weak storytelling. If
youve been doing a good job all along
of building emotional weight with
your narration, a sparse explanation
of the final deed should suffice.



Points

The
Game
Ends

This last card is, of course, The Downfall; the card

thats been haunting you from the very start. Go
ahead and open up all the predictions that were
made throughout the game. Any player who
correctly predicted The Downfall gets 10 points
PLUS however many cards were left in Town
when they guessed (a value they should have written down along with their prediction). Any players
who guessed wrong have lost the game. Sad day
for them.
Add any points earned from correctly predicting
The Downfall to the points each player earned
from making Complications and working in
Leads.
In case you werent writing them down as you
go, remember:
R5/',5,5*#,-5,51),."5k5*)#(.-8
R55,5*#,-5(5-5,51),."5m5*)#(.-85

At some point everything good comes to an end.

The birthday cake goes stale, the car runs out of
gas, and a stray cat goes and dies in the swimming
pool. When things are over, theyre over, and there
is nothing left to do but to sort out what youve
been left with.

The player with the highest point total is the

winner. In the rare event of a tie, the player
who made the highest-value pair wins. Aces
beat Kings, Kings beat Queens, and so on
down the line.

A game of Pickets & Blinds ends when there is

just one card left in Town.

It doesnt matter how many folks lost. You can

even have a game where EVERYONE loses. But
if there is to be a winner, there can be only one.

Epilogue
Once youve done all your math and figured
out who won and who lost theres just one
thing left to do: narrate the epilogue.
Every player gets to narrate an epilogue. An
epilogue is just a short scene or description of
what happens after the events of the game. It
could sum up many years or just show a single
short scene. Epilogues can take place in the
minutes after the last scene described or any
time after that, even decades later, when the
characters are old and shriveled.
If the game had a winner, start with him.
Remember that the winners epilogue reveals
that his character got away with the murder,
and is generally unburdened by it. Continue
going around the table to the winners right.
If the game didnt have any winners, just pick
someone to start.
Losers epilogues have to describe how
their murderers suffer for their crime. The
specific nature of the punishment should be
customized to the character and their actions.
As much as we all love murder ballads, stories
of comeuppance are sometimes even more
satisfying.



Dedication
My greatest thanks to everyone who
helped by playtesting this game; to
the city of Morristown, NJ, where
90% of this was written; to the staff
of the Glen Ridge Starbucks, for
helping provide inspiration and
giving me more free drinks than I
deserve; to Kate, for keeping me in
line; to Kristin, for keeping me sane;
to Cindy Passanante, for giving name
to this beast; to Caitlin, for her work
as an unpaid hand model; and to
Chris Mcleod, with whom I learned
about the strangeness of the suburbs
and the joy of storytelling.

Colophon
Headings were set in Gloucester
Extra Condensed, a typeface based
on a design created in 1896 by
Bertram G. Goodhue. Subheadings
have been set in Gill Sans, a font
designed by Eric Gill in 1928 for
the London & North Eastern Railway. The body of of the document
was set in the ever-reliable Adobe
Caslon, a typeface thats been around
forever and has been used just about
everywhere.

Inspired by
;6-88)2;36/7
The short fiction of Raymond
Carver, John Cheever, James Salter
and Wells Tower
Abandoned Cars by Tim Lane
Ice Haven by Daniel Clowes
Fiasco by Jason Morningstar

6)'36(7
Cards shown in examples are the
Sentinals deck by Theory 11

About the Author

Kevin Allen Jr. is an art director
and photographer living in New
Jersey with his wife and comic book
collection. His previous game 1.5

!."5 was shortlisted for the 2009
Diana Jones award for excellence
in gaming and was the recipient of
the Indie RPG award for most
innovative game.

He isnt done yet.

Through These Reins and Gone

by The Felice Brothers
Yes, We Smoke Crack by S4lem
Piano Works by Craig Armstrong
How do You Dub? You Fight for Dub.
You Plug Dub In.
by De Facto
Leave Ruin by Strand of Oaks
The Shepards Dog by Iron and Wine



The Catalog

6)(
 Snacks + Sn
Snak
Snakes
akes
es

19

 Seasons

19

oolb
oo
lbox
oxx
 In Your T
Toolbox

19

 Ways and Causes (of Death)

20

Mome
ment
ntss
 Tender Mo
Moments

21

 Notable Quotables

21

Pota
tabl
bles
es
 Potent Po
Potables

21

 Needlessly Big Words

21

Fas
ashi
hion
on
 Mens Fashion

21

& 0 %' /
 Advice

22

 Events and Happenings

22

 Colors

22

 Transportation

22

Bird
rdss (Birds
(Bir
(B
irds
ds A
Are
ren
ntt An
Anim
imal
als)
s)
Animalss & Bi
Birds
Arent
Animals)

22

 Ladies Style

23

Con
ondi
diti
tion
onss
 Weatherr C
Conditions

23

 Shit That Doesnt Matter

23

Hig
H
igh
h
 Gettingg High

23

* %' )  ' % 6 ( 7
. Unsavoryy Things
Thing
Thi
ngss Happening
Happ
Ha
ppen
enin
ingg (Complications)
(Com
(C
ompl
plic
icat
atio
ions
ns))

24

5 The Places Where it Went Down (Settings)

25

/ The Congregation
ngre
ng
rega
gati
tion
on

26

% Go ahead and select any list you want



72%'/772%/)7?6)(A

7)%7327?6)(A

6)('%6(7

' 0 9 & 7 - Winter

, ) % 68 7 - Fall

% Those yellow oreos that dont taste

like anything

( - % 1 3 2 ( 7 - Spring

7 4% ( ) 7 - Summer

 The king snake

Eat fried chicken with your hands; Crouching
in the shadows of the railyard
 A tray of flavorless substance and a peach Snapple
from the hospital cafeteria
 I watched him eat 6 hard-boiled eggs, one after
another
 Vegan bacon tastes like old shoes, but it
smells legit
 The diamondback
 Its a whatever rollatini
 The cobra
 Leftover Christmas cookies, eaten alone on
Valentines Day

-2=3968330&3<?6)(A
6)('%6(7

& 0 %' /  ' % 6 ( 7

% Theres a gun in that backpack, but no bullets

%Its a red car, and it goes pretty fucking fast

 A brand-new, never-been-sparked acetylene cutting torch

Theres a box of shells buried in a Mason jar down by the

banks of the river. I tied an old Molly Hatchet t-shirt in
the tree branches above where its hid

. Barbecued eel

 This oujia board only spells out cuss words

5 The water moccasin

 A clyster syringe with a twisted nozzle for

the self-administration of enemas

/Once, on a dare, he ate a plate of dry leaves from

the yard

& 0 %' /  ' % 6 ( 7

A Kegerator out in the garage

At what point does it stop being a big knife and start being
a small sword?
A fire-engine red, powder-coated crowbar

% The copperhead
 The leftover tamales from Thursday night

 A two-gallon jug of turpentine

 The Burmese python

 Theyve got an old 1-hour-photo-developing machine in

their basement

An organic grass-fed burger with cheese

sauce, Jewish pickles, vidalia onion, and heirloom tomato

 One of them cop flashlights that needs like a thousand

batteries
A knapsack full of climbing gear, forgotten back at
the tent

 Really? Youve still got a fax machine?

And you use it?

BBQ ribs and greens from Ruths Wood Pit

 You start hoping for flats when you buy a tire iron like that

 Grandpas service revolver

Man, put another tape in the radio, Im sick of this. I

dont got no other tapes!

 A 20-pound sledgehammer
 The maids master key to all the hotel rooms
 Half a reel of 80-lb test fishing line
. They spent 15 grand on a home security system

 Fried egg sandwich, salt, pepper, catsup

.John stole this library card from a guy back

in the 90s, and its worked ever since

5 A brand new set of brass fire irons

Vegetable cream cheese on a stale bagel

5A brown lunch bag full of fireworks

/ A green plastic trash barrel, stolen from a garbage truck

Spaghetti and beef from a can with an imitation ItalianAmerican family on the label

/ The same pickaxe your father used to bust

up the driveway back in 88

Dry toast and stale coffee

 Salisbury steak TV dinner
. Really hot hot sauce
5The western rattlesnake
/ Good pizza doesnt come with dipping sauce

7REGOW7REOIW?VIHA7IEWSRW?VIHA-R=SYV8SSPFS\?VIHA



;%=7
'%97)7?6)(A
7 4% ( ) 7

, ) % 68 7

'09&7

(-%132(7

%Run over by a dealership lender SUV

%Shot in the guts in the back of a minivan

%Drowned in a frozen lake

% Death by cop

Jimi died with a mouth fulla puke, Elvis was on the crapper.
You deserve even worse

 Stroke induced by a mall cop taser

Smoke inhalation

Locked inside a refrigerator in a scrapyard

 They pushed his wheelchair into the reservoir

 Slashed her wrists with mirror glass

Broke his leg in the woods; didnt find him till spring

 Fell out of a hunters tree stand

 Tetanus

 Stomach cancer isnt the kind of thing that sneaks up on you

Anorexics dont live forever, brother

 Gasoline burns over 70% of his body

 Trampled at the St. Patricks Day parade

 He doesnt have health insurance, but he does have

a car payment

You know how much disease there is living in a doctors-office

magazine?

 The boner pills were just too much for his heart to take
Toxic Shock Syndrome
I mean, look at him, its obvious that Hulkamania went wild
all over him
When the RV caught fire, he was locked in the
chemical toilet
The large-format printer fell over while he was loading the
ink cartridge

Choked to death on the Greek Delight lunch platter

 After years of fighting MS he got clipped by a pickup in the
parking lot of a Wendys

 The car wouldnt drive faster, so he just drank till he felt

like it did
 Alone in the nursing home

Bad clams
An allergic reaction theyll never figure out
 Slipped and fell off the roof

During routine surgery

 If you dont treat rabies in the first 48 hours theres really

no hope

Mauled by your brothers dog

 Struck by lightning

After the miscarriage she just wasted away

The Powerpoint presentation got WAAAAAY out

of hand

. Crib death

. 2 packs a day since the age of 20

.Hed never changed a tire before and hell never get the chance
to try again

5 Lost in the sewers

5Carbon monoxide poisoning

5They make a factory safety video about this one

/ Went out fishing in a canoe... they found the canoe

/ Owed a lot of bad people a lot of bad money

/ Choose one: AIDS or meningitis

. Dont try dancing with a train unless you know all

the steps

 Choose one: In the hospital OR in the street

 When she overdosed, everyone saw it coming

You should never smoke in pajamas

5Antifreeze baked into a boxed confetti cake

/He was given a Colombian necktie, but probably
not by a Colombian

;E]W
'EYWIW?VIHA



8)2()6131)287?6)(A

438)28438%&0)7?6)(A

2))(0)770=&-+;36(7?6)(A

% Sipping from a Tokay Blanket of cheap wine

%Acariasis - the feeling of mites on your body, the itch

 Acronychal- occuring at nightfall

6)('%6(7

& 0 %' /  ' % 6 ( 7

% Tracing the scars with her finger, she told him it would be $50

% As she undressed for me broken glass tumbled from the folds

of her clothes

Nutcracker - vodka, rum, and lots of fruit-flavored syrup,

traditionally served in a plastic takeout soup container (like
the kind you get at Chinese joints)

Just after our car wreck there began a gentle snowfall

Deep-fryer oil, fermented in a bucket, kept in a dark place

A hand slides across a couch in darkness meeting another

 The little kids are drinking mouthwash in the back

of the bus

 Impudicy - total lack of shame or embarrassment

 A half bottle of gin that Tr found floating in the lake

 Aceldama - scene of bloodshed

 A little bit of ouzo, diluted a milky white

Peripetia - when things go bad, a reversal of fortune

 The kids set up a lemonade stand out in front of the

estate sale

 Rogation - to beg or bargain through prayer

 I spent the afternoon watching Pocahontas on VHS.

What we did to the Indians was wrong
A mother holds her child close as a Jeep full
of racists slowly cruises the bus stop
 Lovers carving their initials into a library bookshelf right
under the Joyce novels
 Some nights she wishes you never died
Reading a biography of Richard Nixon to the old and infirm
 Washing the feet of another
Looking down from the stage of the best show youll ever do
The first furtive sips of a teenage beer binge
 Watching the red glow of the alarm clock LED, wondering
when hell be home

Rex sleeps at the foot of the bed. I kick a blanket onto him on
the cold nights
He kisses his hand and touches the mezuzah nailed to the
door jamb
 Nostalgic recollections: the smell of tomato leaves, of
raspberries picked from gardens grown wild, and of dirt
 His arms in a ring around his boyfriends waist like a
floatation device
 The first time youve seen her naked, skinny-dipping
in the reservoir
 The moment that song clicks on the pool hall jukebox

. Walking around the party feeling warm and buzzy

 Knowing how they take their coffee

5 The first time you ever felt church messed you up

.The hour after the party ends when no one is ready to go home

/ Spending all your free time in the hospital visiting

5 Jodie knows what youre drinking, and pours it, as soon as

you walk in the door

area, waiting

They got a new kind of tequila; each bottle has a drop of

blood from a king in it
 A well-poured pint of Guinness

. Turgescence - the condition of being swollen

/ Warison - a simple gift or present

5 Rain water
/ The guys in the garage switched the Dr. Pepper out of the
vending machine for cans of Miller Lite

/ Writing an actual letter, by hand, on nice paper

% Gravel roads are hell on your high tops

% Have you ever met an actual Native American?...Bullshit.

 You are not the only one fighting this disease.

Your life is just a bad movie that never got made.

If you could just be honestly happy for me, for just once in
your life.

 Its not me, its you. And you. And you.

 Praeteritio - to bring attention to something by claiming

to ignore it

.Pour a little Clamato in my thermos

-  (% 6 )  =3 9  83  ; 3 6 /  8 , ) 7 )  4 , 6 % 7 ) 7  - 2 83  =3 9 6  7 ' ) 2 ) 7  : ) 6 & %8 - 1

I am about to undertake the most bitching ceramics

project ever.

 Topectomy - a surgical removal of certain sections of the brain

5 Vastitation - spiritual cleansing by the application of fire

1)27*%7,-32?6)(A

 Take a picture, itll last till I smash your camera.

 Genophobia - the fear of sex

 Buckfast - a sweet wine from Scotland, infused with

caffeine. Tastes like medicine and makes men mean

238%&0)5938%&0)7?6)(A

My will is a juggernaut of titanium alloy.

 Shibboleth - a word or phrase identified with a particular

group, a catchphrase

. I think he went to culinary school, or the CIA,

or something.
5Youre not obese, youre just fat as hell.
/ Its going to get bad before it gets worse.

Shorts are too short

 A baby-shit green sweater

.Office-supply store uniform

 A well-tailored suit with a couple of matchbooks

in the pockets

5Faded black jeans that stink of axle grease

Camouflage print everything

/ RayBan Wayfarers, just like that guy in his socks

and underpants

 Hes been tying a sheet around his neck and playing

a lot of pretend
 Cowboy boots werent made for walking on ice
 A leather apron for butchering meat

 I would like to see you slip into something a little

less comfortable.

A carefully folded sportcoat forgotten on the luggage

rack of a train

 Id take a bullet for you, but only in the leg.

Red Buffalo plaid overcoat

8IRHIV1SQIRXW?VIHA2SXEFPI5YSXEFPIW?VIHA4SXIRX4SXEFPIW?VIHA
2IIHPIWWP]&MK;SVHW?VIHA1IRW*EWLMSR?VIHA



%(:-')?&0%'/A

'30367?&0%'/A

% I never eat train station sushi, Tokyo or not

 Dont let the blind kid read your horoscope;

he makes it come true

A Spanish parade is a good place to hide

in the crowd

 To a worm in horseradish the world is horseradish

You can rub ashes and herbs into that wound to fight
the infection
When renting cars in the middle of the night at Toledo
international airport, dont request anything Japanese
 If you put your hand in the puppet you damn well better tell
us a few jokes
 Retail theft is a $36 billion industry and you sure aint good
at much else

 Every time God closes a door, he also locks all the windows
and torches the place
. You start questioning the wisdom of the lord and you better
hope you can find some answers on your own
5 If you wear sandals rocks dont get caught under your feet,
but you do look like an a-hole
/ Mistakes are always made in the last few minutes

 The faded Creamsicle orange of a worn-out Orioles cap

% Grey as an old mans beard

 Brunette curls falling like leaves on the breeze

 Bloody-knuckles red
 The blue white light of a 2 a.m. rerun reflected in the glass
of an empty iguana tank..
Its wheatgrass juice. Its supposed to look like that
 She presses on your closed eyes till everything is purple
and green
 The weak green of a teenagers dye-job rebellion

The minty green of night vision goggles

. Coffee with too much cream and sugar
5 3 cans of stolen black spray paint and a
tin of shoe polish
/ The dusty russet terrain and the long
shadows cast by flashlight

 A blond oak cabinet that looks bad with everything

 If you cant join em, beat em

86%274368%8-32?&0%'/A
%As far as bus rides go, that one was only ok
 Yo, let Jeremy paint your skateboard up with that witchy
shit he does

):)287
,%44)2-2+7?&0%'/A
6)('%6(7

& 0 %' /  ' % 6 ( 7

 Poke some holes in the muffler with a screwdriver so it

sounds like all hells acomin

%So many fireworks the backyard looked like a battlefield

% A wasp nest has grown up in the eaves

 Putting your life in the back seat of a gypsy hack

 The meth lab blew up on the night of the prom

 Burning a diary found in an old house

 White vans are for rapists and punk bands

 I boarded the plane with only an address and a little baggie

of heart medication

 Mom threw up

 I wouldnt put it past him to buy a sailboat just so he could

own a flare gun

 TJ kicked the cannoli across the room, and I laughed till I

felt the heaves
 Sammy couldnt get through the metal detector on account
of his dick piercing
He made a pot of coffee but it smells like Chinese food
Buying a drum kit you know little about

Getting the piano tuned

Watching reruns of Alf

 Driving a rental while they put a new fender on the Buick

 Putting snow tires on the Bronco
 Waiting for the bridge to lift so some asshole in a yacht
can sail under
. Fixed-gear bikes are for folks who like falling off their bikes
5 Gas up the Piper Cub, I want to see this town the way
God does
/. Hitchhiking aint what it used to be
<Hopping trains is a good way to get killed by a homeless dude

 It comes with satellite radio, but the speakers suck

Standing on the roof of the shopping mall

 Crashing the minivan
 The Pee-Wee football regional championships
 Getting your outpatient counseling after the hairplugs

%2-1%07&-6(7?&0%'/A

 A nervous breakdown on the courthouse steps

&-6(7%6)28%2-1%07

Getting all the wives together to watch the Olympic

opening cerimony

. Dashing some kids hopes

%Can spiders be retarded?

 Why do housecats have to act so pissy?

Drilling a peep hole in the bathroom wall

5 Making meaningful contributions at group therapy

That guys seeing-eye dog smells like rancid Indian food

 A cardboard box and a cabbage leaf for the turtle found

by the creek

.The Spanish guys from the old folks home doing ecstasy
and fishing off the bridge

/Getting drunk and rowdy on the commuter train

An attic lousy with raccoons

A highly anticipated dog fight

5 Shaving your head in the kitchen sink

/ Go ahead and pee, no ones looking

 Tom is shaking the ant farm

 Some damn owl kept me up all night, hooting and howling

like a funeral parade

.They found coyotes dead on the road

 What good is a parrot if it cant talk?

5Pigeons live everywhere, its just some

places call em doves

 You ever catch a sea robin? Thats one scary-ass fish

/ A seagull eating french fries from the trash

Deer are everywhere now, and they aint

scared of people

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7,-88,%8(3)7281%88)6?&0%'/A

0%(-)778=0)?&0%'/A
% Stolen clothes never fit right
 Big hair and white lingerie
 Im looking for something in an open-toed boot, maybe
putty colored

Blue nitrile surgical gloves, on account of shes allergic to latex

A sensible pantsuit
 Orthopedic shoes and those socks diabetics have to wear
. A public radio tote bag

% Chinese take-out menus

Someone elses gym clothes

 The kids equestrian trophies

Dungeons & Dragons manuals, a bag of stale corn nuts, pads

of yellowed graph paper, and no friends

A case of ginger ale

 Dresses like that always make me look pregnant

5 Lacy stockings and combat boots

 There are old plastic milk jugs full of dead batteries in the
basement of every library

 36AA

/ Hair tied back in a messy ponytail

An ancient recipe for shitty meatloaf

 Standard-issue blue rayon jump suit

A womans footprint on the inside of the windshield

 Its floral print the same way an old womans couch might be

Expired train tickets to cities that suck in the summertime

;)%8,)6'32(-8-327?&0%'/A

+)88-2+,-+,?&0%'/A

6)('%6(7

% Ayahuasca - a psychedelic used in South American

religious ritual

%Its nasty hot out, my balls are sticking to my leg like

its their job
The sky was clear and bright, the color of a trout fillet
 Hissing ashes; a cold rain falling in great sheets

 A $300.00 espresso machine

.Tracy swiped a pink plastic ear piercing gun from the mall
5The bottle is probably full of vinegar, but to the right buyer
this things worth thousands
/ Writing in the margins of a book about karate kicks

 Do 2 cycles of the anabolics and rub this on your back

for the rash

Meteor showers are never worth staying up for

3 rails of Viagra and cocaine on the rim of the bathroom sink

Dabe made a bong out of a motorized pool vacuum.

I think its dangerous

High tide

Rubbing LSD and powder-fine espresso under your eyelids

Pick one: The choking game OR auto-erotic asphyxiation

Hail big enough to leave dents on the mailbox

 Industrious crackheads making pipes out of plastic soda

bottles and potatoes and Pringles cans

 Molly - Street name for pure MDMA

 The frost is on the pumpkin

.The lightning came so fast and frequent that the yard

looked like a disco

 The girls are breaking out their skirts and wishing they hadnt

5 So humid its difficult to breathe

 Old timers cant recall a drought this bad

/Mammatus clouds, heavy and violet

Lips and fingers all stained silver from huffing spray paint,
you aint fooling no one saying its makeup
Scrape out the resin, were not done yet

.An ounce of prevention is worth a kilo of Methadone

5Pick one: Sleeping pills OR diet drugs
/ Its her first time on mushrooms, so go easy on her

Sunny and warm, but unseasonably so

& 0 %' /  ' % 6 ( 7

% Big snowflakes that melt on your face like kisses
 A low fog settles in from the trees
Nice weather for a walk
 Wind as sharp as cracked slate
Get the sump pump, the basements
flooded again
 The strange gold of a sunset light
Snow deep enough to swallow a dog whole



 The kind of light misty rain thats just shit for driving in

%&3988,)&3=7?A

 The branch breaks and crashes through the living room like
an uninvited party guest

%They go to the water tower to drink, and to lay claim

to all they can see

 Its always darkest before the dawn when theres no

goddamn moon

They break into hotels and draw pentagrams on random

bible pages...just in case

. The stupid crocuses came up before the frost

 They have a hideout in the old rail yard, in the rusted hulk
of a dining car

5Air conditioned to the point of near hypothermia

/ Thunderclaps that set off car alarms

 They burnt down Mr. Morris garage

 They stole a bunch of surfboards and then ruined them
with claw hammers
 They havent got a tag or a symbol yet, but theyre working
on it

 They all have the same tattoo, but its location and what
it looks like are a secret
 They go out in the night and videotape people sleeping
through their windows
 They ride bikes around town and scream fight songs of
their own design
. They have no leader, they are rudderless in the storm
5 They made a batch of prison liquor, but everyone is too
chickenshit to try it
/ They talk a big game, but they would shit their pants if they
had to prove themselves

 They spend more time in the towns playgrounds than folks

their age should

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927%:36=8,-2+7,%44)2-2+?.%'/7A
7 4% ( ) 7

, ) % 68 7

'09&7

(-%132(7

% I got shot with a silver bullet once. It nicked my lung.

I lived but was turned into a werewolf

% Shot himself in the foot to get out of the army, but they got
better medicines than he expected

%Bitch is still using a pager!? Who the fuck uses pagers?

% You can wash and wash, but that grease aint coming off

Orson Wells threw up in the lobby of this hotel once.

There was blood in it

Cappuccino farts

 Deafened from all the gunfire, and a lifetime with your head
under the hoods of cars

 4 shots and a little white stick you piss on later and BOOM,
youre pregnant

 The rabbis handwriting is nearly illegible

 Raccoons are too smart for no-kill traps, youll have

to poison them

They cant file a missing persons report till youve been gone 24
hours, so weve got a while

 It was supposed to be a quiche, but it came out weird

 Finding a charcoal rubbing of the secret engravings

on Nixons tomb

 She came to the party with her mom At least I think

it was her mom

 Report the thing stolen and hope insurance covers it, because this
is where we parked

 People shit in department-store dressing rooms

all the time

 They found a lead foundry in his basement. Its how he was

hiding the bones

 When they check your passport theyll know its a fake

 The boys want to play dice on the dining room table,

but their grandma wont let em

 Semen stains on your jeans are plain as day

 The second drummer drowned

 I think we brought the wrong tape back to the adult

video store

 Them Taiwanese got a guy who walks around town

with a rifle

When the food came out it was cold and smelled

like dishwater

 Benny down at the bowling alley has been blood

hungry ever since high school

Pills dont even work on me anymore, Ive got to mainline

 His brother is a state trooper

 All this towns got in it is one streetlight, one full-time cop, and
one Buick Skylark with a trunk fulla crank.
 The phone just goes to voicemail and her voicemail is full
 The bartender only wants to listen to Dave Goddamn
Matthews Band

 The tests came back, confirming your fears

She left the originals in the QuickStop photocopier
 Your neighbor sat in his car all night, engine running in
the driveway but not going nowhere
 This Starbucks cant make a cappuccino for shit
 A very inopportune moment for a phone call
 No one gives a good goddamn about how well you did
at community college
 He went to Dartmouth, and he wont let you forget it

No one ever picked you for the Sadie Hawkins dance

. Call the janitor, tell him to bring the sawdust and a bucket

A Mexican gang broke his jaw at a national park

Pick one: Mental illness OR a conflict in the Junior Varsity

soccer schedule

. Were gonna need a bigger boat trailer

5 The U-haul is full up

. They discontinued her favorite flavor of chewing tobacco

.That scalper outside the casino sold us bunk tickets

5My dentist has a sweating problem

/. Getting pulled over with out-of-state plates

5 Shes not doing a great job hiding the sutures

5 Thats why they call it the Patriot Act, motherfucker!

/ The prints all came out a little too pink, and the text
was garbled

/Traffics all backed up after todays gay pride parade

/ This town just aint been the same since the guy with all those
dogs moved in

9RWEZSV]8LMRKW,ETTIRMRK?.EGOWA



8,)40%')7-8;)28(3;27)88-2+7%2(03'%8-327 ?59))27A

7 4% ( ) 7

, ) % 68 7

'09&7

(-%132(7

% Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your

name, and sometimes that place is the needle exchange

% A Korean nail salon out on the mesa

% Theres a secret bar, a speakeasy, above the offices of the

funeral home

% 20-foot fishing boat moored out in the harbor

These two kids steal steaks from the FoodKing and grill
it over a garbage fire behind the mall

 A hideout in the Idaho wilderness

 Its a memorial to those who died in the War of Northern
Aggression

Next time we visit your uncle weve gotta stop at the

bug museum

Can we interest you in a pair of chinos today?

Every hotel in America more than 20 years old claims

to have a ghost in it

 The kind of gigantic store where at 4 a.m. you can buy baby
food, guns, and a $5.00 pair of pants

 A corn maze, long dead. They just leave it up all year

round though

 It doesnt even look like this store sells anything.

Thats because you cant afford anything here.

Shes taking some vacation days at a nudist retreat

The farmers market under the freeway

Nothing is sadder than Korean immigrants with

a failing internet caf

 Sanderson Chevrolets annual Truck-O-Rama

weekend blowout

The guy who works nights at the pawn shop has a plastic arm;
they say it was abandoned by a customer

 When you see Big+Tall on a sign its usually a 75/25% split

 Its the kind of doctors office that makes up for its bad
location with a throng of angry Catholics on the front steps
The presence of a corpse does not a grave make
.In the woods there is a clearing full of ferns and an old
wooden ladder and makeshift camp
5 Stuck in line at Balloon-A-Palooza party rentals

Spending the night in the drunk tank will sort you out
. This wood shop has taken more fingers than the Board of Ed
would like to admit
5 In an empty lot: a dirt mound from an incomplete
construction project, where the cops hold target practice
/ Ill never know how I got on their mailing list, but the Sunny
Side Up tanning parlor keeps sending me coupons

 The highway ends in those mountains up on the horizon

 Little Anthonys Live Bait and Boat Rental
The guests gather on the balconies around the pool on
account of the law against smoking in hotel rooms

Cincinnati is a helluva town

That field outside town where people abandon old cars
 Hunan Jade restaurant makes a mean wonton soup.
Awful lot of pork slivers in there

 The over-chlorinated swimming pool

 The river water black as the heart of a whore, dry-brushed

orange with the frozen light of the parking lot

 When they lose your luggage, this is where it goes

 The bartending school above McDonoughs Auto Body

 Even in winter, working the water treatment plant leaves

you smelling like an old toilet.

 Midnight in the corporate park, quiet as a grave till the

sprinklers hiss on

 If you stand on the roof you can see the ocean

 Its easy to get turned around in the parking deck when every
level looks the same

 In warmer weather the bank tellers take their lunch breaks

at a green plastic picnic table in the park

 The sales office with a scenic view of the back parking lot

 $75 covers weeknight rental of the Rec center, but you have
to provide your own security

 Stopping by the DMV after work only to realize they close
early on Tuesdays

.Community tennis courts, cracked and grown useless

with weeds

. Where the runoff from the factories congeals as a tangerine

foam on top of the creek

5Youve been in a movie theater with the lights on. Its like
walking a tightrope: never look down

5 The parking lot is so well lit, and so full of cars

/ You have to be a union member to even step foot in a theatre

projection booth

/ The freezing cold mens room at the Golden Star Diner

/ This is where the town keeps all that road salt

8LI4PEGIW-X;IRX(S[R?5YIIRWA



8,)'32+6)+%8-32?/-2+7A
7 4% ( ) 7

, ) % 68 7

'09&7

(-%132(7

%The three-legged dog with an abscessed tooth and cancers

under his fur

%The asshole French exchange student who doesnt know how

good hes got it

% A plainclothes cop sitting on the curb of a Taco Bell.

%The cross-country bus driver growing sick of everywhere

 Jamie spent his early years watching VHS tapes and thinking
about wolves

A brown-eyed baby with his mothers bag of weed

in his diaper

The drunks in the park always get away with it.

They call it a picnic.

A greasy-spoon busboy with dreams of managing

a laundromat

Her brother Mickey is in this band called The Rod Benders

A story as old as time: the tranny factory worker with a heart
of coal

His father was an abortionist, so of course he wanted

to adopt the family business

 In the order of succession he was like the 48th Beatle

I see raking the leaves as the quintessential Zen experience,

ya know?

Denise is in school for massage, but shes worried her neck

tattoo will scare off customers

Identical twins reading books about Nietzsche

 Shes ugly, and her mother was ugly before that, and you have
to come to terms with it if you want to sleep here

My boss always smells like sausage, and theres no good

reason for that
 Conway works the night shift and is always stealing from
peoples desks

The harpist has herpes

I was at a wedding once where a grown-ass man wouldnt stop
telling me about samurai swords.
He can recall from his youth the Eisenhower administration
but the names of his children are hazy

Salizar moved up from Orlando with 7 fingers and

a fear of fireworks
 Hes the kind of guy who would self-identify as badass
 Runyan Mather - CPA, drives an expensive car,
has little regard for powerful women

 Every family has someone who will eat anything. In our

family thats Avery

 Mallory Bell - florist, widow, suspicious of coloreds

William ManyHatchets - Attorney at Law, birdwatcher

Lois Sanders - former contortionist, stay-at-home mom

 Margot Valasquez - organization consultant,

a celebrity within her industry

Corky Chatham - courtroom sketch artist, power bottom

Peter Giovinelli - HVAC installation and repairman,

married 7 times

Amanda Coffey - collects soul and R&B 45s,

hotel front-desk attendant

.Nachum Gould - rabbi, reformed cat burglar

.Hal Gainer - Suffers from fibromyalgia, believes he was

once abducted by aliens

. David Braver - Retired police officer, hosts a college radio callin show at 2 a.m.

5 Evelyn Abercrombie - hostess at a local seafood restaurant,

allergic to sunlight

5Teddy Dorman - Manages an ice factory, part-time

yoga instructor

5 Julia Croarque - Sells home-made teddy bears over

the internet, anorexic

/Vic Irsik - Used to work as a farmhand, but once that dried

up he took to fighting in bars. He weighs over 400 lbs and
wields it the way Vikings did swords or axes

/ Bill Devou - A recluse with a beard and lot of old cars rusting
on his lawn, acquitted for the kidnapping and rape of Laura
Gainsbourgh

/Barbara Hamsen - high school principal, gossip monger,

knows all the cops in town and all the pageant mothers too

 Garth Portman - morbidly obese dog lover, amateur psychic

 She knew the age of consent in all the neighboring states and
hitchhiked accordingly
 I think the mailman is drunk again
 Once Mr. Werlings wife died he would take long walks at
night carrying a flashlight he never used
 She lost a tit to cancer, and now she stuffs her bra
with rage and loathing
 Ive only ever seen that guy in sweatpants and gang colors
 Roberto Fuentes - illegal Honduran immigrant,
city bus driver
Clifford Quealy - registered sex offender, baseball
statistician
.George Saltzman - used car salesman, Dennis Hopper
look-alike
5Marge Destiny Breslin - prostitute, mother of 3
/Orson Ely - airport baggage handler, alcoholic, keeps a buck
knife in his Timberlands. Having trouble putting three tours
in Afghanistan behind him

8LI'SRKVIKEXMSR?/MRKWA