Clinical

Psychology

Pergamon

Review, Vol. 18, No. 3, pp. 259-272, 1998

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IDENTITY CONFUSION, BISEXUALITY,

FLIGHT FROM THE MOTHER

AND

Robert C. lane and W. Bradley Goeltz

Nova Southeastern University

ABSTRACT.
This paper deals with the effts of an oral-sadistic annihilating mother on her
male and female offsspring. The all-powerful nature of these mothers, and the corresponding
helplessness of the fathers, produce in their o&ring a sense of identity confusion, a struggle with
their bisexuality, and a need to distance themselvesfrom their mother. Everything unwanted in
the mother is externalized onto and into the child, particularly suffmng and pain, which
are necessary for the maintenance of the (pathological) mother-child relationship. Positive movement (i.e., success) on the childs part threatens the balance of this relationship, is perceived
by the child as a hostile and destructive triumph over the mother, and causes the Negative Therapeutic Reaction in therapy. The childs inherent masochism acts to peseroe the early infantile
omnipotence and leads to his/her assumption of all responsibility for the mothers affective states.
The childs self-destructiveness also functions as a release for unconscious aggression toward
the mother, due to the lack of boundary differentiation between the two. 0 1998 Etsevier Science
Ltd

ONE OF THE MOST perplexing

and volatile philosophical
mysteries of the modern
age concerns the self, the subjective sense of cohesiveness,
the I that is experienced
by those individuals
who are designated
by our culture as healthy
or normal.
Equally as vexing is the lack of inner identity that is apparently
experienced
by the
distressed individuals who are understood
as ill or pathological
by science and society.
Why do some souls struggle from moment to moment with the existential terror that
most of us experience
only rarely, in moments of extreme stress or utter loneliness?
What is it that curses only a select group of human beings with that tragic fragility?
Psychoanalytic
thinkers have struggled with such questions for more than a century.
What follows is a review of what must certainly be considered
as the fields work in
progress.

Any instance of the use of masculine pronouns (e.g., he, him, his) within this paper presumes
that the feminine equivalent may also be applied, unless it has otherwise been noted.
Correspondence should be addressed to Robert C. Lane, PhD, Director of the Postdoctoral
Institute, Center for Psychological Studies, Nova Southeastern University, 3301 College Avenue,
Fort Lauderdale, FL 333147796.

R C. Lane and W. B. Goeltz

260
BISEXUALITY

AND FUNDAMENTAL

SEXUAL IDENTITY

Freud (1923) felt that every individual was constitutionally bisexual, inheriting both
biological and psychological traits from father, a man, and mother, a woman. Although
he believed that bisexuality or bipotentiality to be a factor from birth, he pointed out
that in early infancy, the infant has no awareness of the gender of the person to whom
he relates. He proposed that libido shifts between female and male objects throughout
life, and placed adolescence or puberty as the time that sexual identity takes its final
form in which heterosexuality takes primacy over homosexuality, with the latter relegated to the unconscious. Freuds position was by no means purely biological; he was
aware of the crucial importance of the personality of the primary objects, their
strengths and weaknesses as role models, and the significance of trauma.
Freud understood the normal male individual as being able to receive pleasure from
both sexes and regarded man as essentially bisexual (although generally unconsciously
so). His explanation of the total Oedipus conflict included the positive resolution, or
the boys love for his mother and competitiveness with his father, and the negative
Oedipus complex, the boys love for his father and competitiveness with his mother.
Freud (1923) felt that:
In both sexes the relative strength of the masculine and feminine dispositions is what
determines whether the outcome of the Oedipus situation shall be an identification with
the father or with the mother. This is one of the ways in which bisexuality takes a hand
in the subsequent vicissitudes of the Oedipus complex. (p. 33).
It is, therefore, the extent to which the child identifies with the masculine or the
feminine that determines the outcome of this conflict. Although Freud did understand
this determining factor (mans inherent bisexuality) as being, to a degree, innate, it
is unlikely that he would find fault with the object relations theorists who propose
that the childs dyadic pre-Oedipal relationships are highly influential in gender identification.
In order to attain satisfactory heterosexual relationships, the boy child must be able
to displace his affection from his primary love object, his mother, onto another female
(e.g., usually beginning with a girl in his kindergarten class). He must be able to shift
his primary identification from his mother onto his father. This becomes difficult when
the father is weak, absent, a failure, the object of the mothers scorn, or an inadequate
male role model. The stronger the early symbiotic attachment to the mother, the
greater the difficulty the male child will have in freeing himself from the motherfigure, and the greater the inability to identify with the father. The mother must be
willing to relinquish her control over the boy so that he can learn to identify with his
father. To do so, the father must have a positive and important role in the family, and
must be someone the son can be proud to identify with-the
child must be encouraged by the mothers love and admiration for the father and by her obvious wish for
her son to be like his father. The mother must be able to enjoy the father (as well as
the son) and to experience pleasure with him.
Men generally appear to be more uncertain about their sexual identity than women,
more fearful of homosexuality, and of displaying characteristics of the opposite sex
(Dundes, 1985). Men can also have intense covert envy of women, particularly of the
mothers breast and procreative function (Greenson, 1968). Envy appears to occupy
the central position in mans wish to be a woman. The poorer the mothers relationship with the father and the more the mother wishes to hold onto and possess her

Identity, Confusion, Bisexuality, and Flight f?om the Mother

261

son (to mold him into her kind of man), the more she will overstimulate and oversexualize their relationship. Sensory modalities, such as the visual, auditory, tactile, and
olfactory will be overemphasized, and the boy will not be given the opportunity to
separate from the mother or to learn to differentiate himself from her. Gender differentiation is not permitted to develop when the mother does not emphasize her sons
masculinity and similarity to the father and other men, or treat him as a growing,
maturing boy. Questioning his gender, cross-dressing him, and feeding his unconscious with ideas that he should have been born the opposite gender, all act to emphasize the childs girlishness and femininity. The different self-representations
are not
permitted to grow and differentiate from object representations.
Although the final and decisive form of sexual choice is thought to be made in
adolescence when the bisexual and narcissistic problems come to a head (Blos, 1962),
there are many signs that suggest that choice of gender identification is made at a
much earlier time. Effeminacy in boys reveals itself in their narcissistic and exhibitionistic behavior, in parading around and displaying their charms, in dressing and adorning themselves like the opposite sex, and in a strong need to be admired and loved
as a girl or woman. The wish to sexually gratify, and be gratified by, the mother is
transformed into the wish to gratify sexually like mother; thus, the child takes his
father as a love object. Such identification with the feminine receptive position must
be irreversibly surrendered during early adolescence for heterosexuality to take place.
When there is a strong feminine identification in the boy, as well as an inability to
separate from the mother (which is usually accompanied by strong Oedipal incestuous
feelings and fear of castration), the result may be a fear of and distancing from mother.
An inability to make a heterosexual object choice, and an inhibition of both heterosexuality and contact with women in general who are equated with mother, may also be
present.
An overly enmeshed relationship with the mother can also be detrimental to the
gender identification of the daughter. In order to attain a satisfactory heterosexual
relationship, the girl must renounce the mother as the primary love-object and turn
to the father and men (Greenson, 1968). If the attachment to the mother is too strong
and boundary differentiation is weak, the girl cannot renounce the pre-Oedipal object
and turn to the father. The father, in these cases, is typically emotionally unavailable, and is physically absent, weak, or inadequate. The father-daughter
relationship
is without pleasurable contact, and the father is often secondary in importance to
the more dominant mother. In addition, mother does not permit separation. As a
consequence, the triadic Oedipal relationship is weak, while the dyadic pre-Oedipal
relationship remains strong. This pathological attachment to mother may cause the
daughter to seek a very dependent, little-girl-like
relationship with another woman.
The girl moves from the pre-Oedipal situation into the negative Oedipal complex,
thus either wishing to remain a little girl in relationship to the mother, or wishing to
protect and care for the mother as if she, the daughter, were the father. Either of
these possibilities may lead to a homosexual resolution. On the other hand, these girls
may choose a weak, submissive man as a mate, thus repeating the parental pattern.
When the girl is brought up in a home with a very dominant, powerful father and
a masochistic mother, it may lead to a need to stand up to the father and a strong
defiance of male authority, or to an identification with the male and a wish to play
his role with another woman. In the former of these solutions, the girl wishes to protect
and shelter the mother, and defend her against men. A pre-Oedipal fixation on
mother may lead to a slavish relationship with another woman and an inability to
separate. A very powerful father with a strong counter-Oedipal
attachment to his

R. C. Lane and W. B. Goeltz

262

daughter, who becomes the Oedipal victor, can lead to megalomanic fantasies in the
girl and a strong sense of entitlement. These women often seek to repeat the Oedipal
situation in their heterosexual relationships (i.e., to find powerful men like father
who spoil them and encourage their omnipotent fantasies). Identification with the
masochistic mother can lead to the search for the sadistic man who will punish them,
or they punish men by luring them into relationships and then abruptly rejecting
them. When the girl has been excessively criticized, and the target for all kinds of
emotional rejection, she may befriend other girls with a similar history of rejection,
or involve herself with a rejected boy to retaliate vengefully against her mother.

THE SfGNlFlCANCE

OF THE PHALLIC SYMBOLISM

TO THE BISEXUAL MOTHER

IN RELATION

In a previous article (Lane & Chazan, 1989) entitled Symbols of Terror, the impact
of the witch/spider/shark
mother on her offspring was discussed. The centrality of
the childs fear that he would be killed (eaten) by the mother, the ambivalent reaction
of wanting to kill the mother while simultaneously idealizing her, and the childs omnipotent assumption of the blame for all family misgivings (e.g., the child as prime
mover) were noted in the article as organizing principles in this phenomenon. All
the symbols (witch, spider, shark) have phallic qualities and suggest these mothers
bisexuality.
With regard to the spider symbol, it is representative of the wicked, phallic magical
mother, with her long legs, her dropline, and her web-spinning ability, who is formed
in the shape of a man (Abraham, 1922/1953; Little, 1966, 1967). The symbol of the
shark is significant in its oral-sadistic nature and in that it both terrifies and fascinates
those who watch it. It elicits many ambivalent feelings, including hatred, fear, curiosity,
awe, envy, and admiration. The shark has a quality of unknown danger, a subjective
attribute that refers to its unexpected emergence out of the darkness and the depths
to suddenly and viciously attack its victims. The spider/shark mothers are oral-sadistic
symbols of the childs fear of incorporation by a cannibalistic object. The spider/shark
mother is (consciously or unconsciously) struggling with the problem of bisexuality
and this conflict causes gender difficulties in her daughter as well as all kinds of disturbed ideas concerning body image and body intactness (Newman & Stoller, 1969).
By way of identification, she induces sadomasochistic fantasies in her daughter, a sadistic concept of sexuality, and a lack of acceptance of female sexuality and female organs
(p. 333). Also present in the children of these mothers, in addition to bisexuality, are
ambivalence, penis envy, castration anxiety, and a struggle to avoid incorporation by
an oral-sadistic cannibalistic object (p. 334).
Bloch (1978, 1985a, 1985b) has explored, in several articles, the fear that a child
experiences of being annihilated by the mother, who is perceived as a witch. The
symbolic significance of this witch-mother is explored by Lane and Chazan (1989):

characteristic of the witch is her phallicity. She is presented with a pointed, peaked
nose, sharp long fingernails, and a broom between her legs; she is capable of flying or
of going up. She struggles to be like a man and engages in mannish behavior, rivaling
and threatening men, (and is) argumentative, controlling, casting spells over the potency
of men and the fertility of women. Her evil deeds are carried out by the devil, the man
who resides within her. Her dark and dirty side is this masculinity. (p. 328)

A...

Identity, Confusion, Bisexuality, and night jkom the Mother

263

The childs ambivalent

wish to kill and yet preserve the terrible mother is managed
through fantasy and thinking
in which emotions,
cognitions,
and fantasies are endowed with magical power. The child comes to fear (and believe) that absences, prolonged or otherwise, are the result of his omnipotence,
the magic of his internal world.
The awesome power of the childs rage is terrifying and he is forced to resort to splitting in order to protect his beloved object from annihilation.
The parent becomes
idealized, an image of saintly perfection,
while the child internalizes
the intolerable
and despised aspects of the love object, thereby becoming
the source of all that is evil
in his small world. Any fault of or misdeed by the parent is then perceived by the child
as arising from his own worthlessness
-the
idealized love object is, after all, capable
only of perfection;
they must be perfect, for the alternative
is unimaginable.
Although the child is, in this case, able to preserve the image of the idealized parent,
reality is unconsciously
perceived through the veil of fantasy, and the parents imperfections must be dealt with. Klein (1933/ 1948) proposed that the monsters and villains
of childrens
nightmares
and fantasies are symbolic of the parents in reality, the parents toward whom rage must be consciously denied in order for the child to preserve
the perception
of a safe world where they are protected
by loving, ideal parents. As
noted earlier, the child omnipotently
assumes responsibility
for all negative events in
his world and, therefore,
is subject to blame not only for his own dysphoria, but also
for negative parental feelings and behavior. The child presumes that parental neglect
is the result of his unworthiness:
If only I were a girl, then Mommy would love me.
Often, the child assumes fantasized identities of omnipotent
figures in order to preserve his life, to both control the mother (and the environment)
and yet maintain
her love. This assumption
of a powerful alter identity, or of a different sexual identity,
functions primarily as a desperate attempt to preserve the idealized parent and is normal only in early childhood, when the remnants of infantile defenses, such as splitting,
are still utilized in times of significant
stress.
It is the witch/spider/shark
mothers murdering,
stealing, and eating of babies that
strike terror in the heart of the child. The mothers unconscious
rage toward the infant
is poorly managed by these mothers and is externalized
into the child. He experiences
this as a subjective fear of annihilation,
of being killed, dismembered,
and eaten by
the mother, who has an insatiable hunger for human flesh, especially that of children.
The externalization
of painful and unwanted
affect by these mothers onto and into
their children encourages
the childs sense of omnipotence
by making them feel responsible for mothers pain and suffering, helplessness,
and defects in general. The
mothers physical intrusiveness
and need to be included in everything their children
do make such children
feel that their bodies and bodily activities are controlled
by
the mother.

IDENTITY

CONFUSION

IN THE TRANSFERENCE

RELATIONSHIP

The children of the mothers discussed above have intense dependency

needs and a
fear of merging. Unlike other patients who will gain strength from being one with,
or close to, their analyst (in that their fears diminish,
the monsters disappear,
and
there is creative sharing), these patients cannot tollerate the intensity of merging. They
will display a negative therapeutic
reaction, attacking the analyst, who is perceived as
an enemy, breaking down the sameness, accentuating
differences,
unwilling to share
even a border (Lane & Goeltz, 1997). Violent aggression is provoked in order to break
the merger that produces annihilation
fantasies and murderous
rage, and leads to all

264

R C. Lane and W. B. Goeltz

varieties of negativism (stubbornness, oppositionalism, argumentativeness, contraridefiance, tantrums, spitefulness, refusal, rebellion,
ness, obstinacy, disobedience,
breaking rules), in a primitive attempt to assert their will. The patient will often internalize the sameness rather than enacting it with another, splitting and doing it with,
by, and to the self (autoerotic). The fear of dependency is so terrifying to these patients, they are overwhelmed by the mere thought, resulting in the reactivation of
feelings of helplessness and the need to destroy the analyst.
It is interesting that all of the masochistic patients included in the Novick and Novick
(1987) study, regardless of age, displayed delusions of omnipotence. A weak defense
system and superego, along with the fear of annihilation, lead to the need to be in
total control over others, denial of reality, and emphasis on magic and omnipotence.
Every stage of development (oral, anal, and phallic) brings new masochistic conflicts
regarding failure to achieve, inability to assert oneself, self-destructive behavior, wish
for punishment, magical solutions, and fantasies of control. Bargains with both God
and the Devil are made to keep the mother and others alive.
Novick and Novicks (1987) masochistic children are characteristically brutalized
by others, teased, bullied, beaten, and generally taken advantage of in life. They expect
to be treated poorly and look forward to and encourage rejection by others. They cling
to pain and suffering, deny achievement in therapy, and exhibit negative therapeutic
reactions. Pleasure must be denied, as for them there is power and safety in being a
victim. The feeling of being special is attached to their suffering, which heightens
both feelings of entitlement and delusions of omnipotence. Achievement removes
their magic and denies fantasies of control over other peoples thoughts, feelings, and
actions. Feelings of vulnerability, loss of control, and helplessness are managed by
fantasies of omnipotence. These fantasies contain the fulfillment of revenge motives,
triumph over enemies, Oedipal victories, control over familial difficulties, gender
problems, and bisexual experiences.
The childs need to make the mother an idealized figure leads to both denial and
splitting. The child himself becomes the evil annihilating object who has to control
the environment at all times. Klein (1935/ 1948) felt that this fear of annihilation was
the anxiety expressed by the infant during the depressive position. When the motherobject disappears, the child presumes that it is the result of his or her destructive
impulses. The hunger and greed felt by the infant, as well as the rage and fear that
accompanies helplessness, lead to fantasies in which the mother is devoured or destroyed, never to be seen again.
Annihilation anxiety has been referred to by a variety of names, including primitive,
merging, fragmentation,
disintegration,
catastrophic, dissolution, persecutory and
death anxiety (Klein, 1934/ 1948, 1946/ 1952). Derivatives and character traits representing the terror of annihilation anxiety will be manifested in the transference and
may include: fear of going crazy; fear of falling apart, being torn apart, breaking up
or dissolving into little pieces; fear of losing control or surrendering; fear of change,
of maturing and the consequent existential reality of death; fear of overstimulation,
of being overwhelmed; an inability to forgive and a need for vengeance; intolerance of any intrusion or interruption; pathological fear of commitment to or dependence upon another person (while needing to cling to and demand things from the
analyst/mother);
fear of closeness and a need to protect others from ones rage (accompanied by a powerful concurrent need for intimacy); and fear of loss of all support
(Lane 8c Foehrenbach,
1994). A sense of helplessness, paralysis of action, hypervigilance, and unusual sensitivities are further characteristics of these types of patients.
Excessive concern with survival, fear of bodily harm, castration, and narcissistic inju-

Iakntity, Confusion, Bisexuality, and Fiightfrom the Mother

ries, along with all types of somatic complaints

also be present.

IDENTITY

CONFUSION,

265

and extreme obsessive worrying may

ANNIHILATION
ANXIETY,
IDENTITY
DISORDER

AND DISSOCIATIVE

The annihilation anxiety, which is characteristic of these masochistic patients, always

contains the fear of death, and episodes of dissociation, depersonalization, and/or
altered states of consciousness are often manifested. The lack of emotional connectedness with the earliest objects produces a kind of anhedonia, a denial of pleasure or
an inability to feel, and a lack of integrative, synthetic, and symbolic thinking (Lane &
Foehrenbach,
1994).
Those patients who manifest Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID or Multiple Personality Disorder) defend themselves against the fear of annihilation by dissociation.
These patients, who have suffered both abuse and trauma, have a strong sense of
entitlement, and Coen (1992)) according to Lerner and Lerner (1996)) relates entitlement to immense pain, misuse, and pathological dependency. He states:
The
they
take
and
ship.

most malignant forms of entitlement

occur in the context of patients feeling that
have been misused and exploited by a parent(s);
as a result they now feel free to
what they want from others, who deserve their exploitation.
Chronic vengefulness
exploitation
involves a wished-for,
but reversed, exploitative
parent-child
relation(p. 55)

Lerner and Lerner (1996) see entitlement as similar to and conceptually rooted in
omnipotence, and they point out that Novick and Novick (1987, 1991, 1994) developed the concept of a delusion of omnipotence, which they linked to masochistic
pathology. They discuss transformation of omnipotent fantasies through all levels of
psychosexual development, and demonstrate how the delusion of omnipotence becomes simultaneously a defense against helpless rage and humiliation and a pathological form of self-esteem. Lerner and Lerner (1996) feel that this omnipotent delusion
often includes the wish to be both sexes, as well as a sense of personal responsibility
for death, divorce, and abuse; a wish for sexual parity with the Oedipal parent, and
magical beliefs about sexuality, aggression, success, and causality (p. 411).
Pathological histories, including severe rejection, physical, psychological, and sexual
abuse, traumatic life experiences, seduction and incest, bodily violation and intrusiveness, parent/child boundary confusion, ego weakness and deficits, lack of healthy
objects to internalize, constant correction of their perception and experience, are
common in patients who suffer annihilation anxiety. When there has been a history
of early traumatic events and also a lack of mother attunement in infancy, the stage
is set for development of bisexual psychopathology and an identity problem, with the
patient having disturbed boundary formation and extreme feelings of worthlessness
and depression.
Moses and Moses-Hrushovski (1990)) in their paper on entitlement, outline a series
of situations that seem to bring about excessive feelings of entitlement. These include
familial situations in which a powerful, successful, narcissistic father is aggressively
controlling, even abusive, while the mother plays the role of victim and the child identifies with her, consoling and comforting her while feeling special and chosen by
her. These children characteristically fear failing and disappointing the parent to
whom they are special. They also wish to retaliate and seek revenge with their aggres-

266

R C. Lane and W. B. Gveltz

sive behavior transformed into self-defeating behavior. Other situations that contribute to an excessive sense of entitlement include an early experience of illness or
death in the family (which is often marked by a loss of security and survivor guilt),
frequent relocations, the development of a special relationship with the parent of the
opposite sex during the Oedipal period, sexual abuse, and loss of special status as the
childs birth order changes as siblings arrive. The work presented by Lane (1990,1995)
on the development of vindictiveness and revenge, supports and confirms Moses and
Moses-Hrushovskis ideas on entitlement. Lane (1995) argues that,
The wish for revenge has its roots in early mismatches
between mother and infant . . .
the caretaker fails to pick up the infants cues, the child does not respond, is not nurtured
and protected, and the mismatch is neither recognized nor repaired. These mothers, who
have severe pathology, do not provide a container or a home for their babies. The childs
narcissism is disturbed
and their sense of omnipotence
challenged
too early, with the
battle for control between parent and child ensuing very early in life. (p. 48)

Greene (1981) has also stressed the mismatch between mother and infant, and the
deprivation, trauma, and abuse that often accompany that mismatch. Annihilation and
separation anxiety, self-destructive behavior, provocative behavior leading to beatings,
suicidal threats and attempts, sadomasochistic love objects, and a general paindependent life-style are common in these traumatized patients. Greene (1981) notes:
The pathological
mother-infant
interaction
observed in cases of maltreatment
produces
a core affective disturbance
in the infant. The poorly regulated, distressed infant whose
mother is incapable of responding
appropriately
and contingently
to his signals will remain unsoothed
and tense. In time this physical pain and discomfort will develop into a
painful affective state associated with memories of frustration and helplessness.
Repeated
physical assault intensifies the painful affect and experience
of vulnerability as the child
is confronted
with the possibility of annihilation
and abandonment.
Scapegoating
contrib
utes to the childs sense of deviancy and badness.
(p. 439)

Novick and Novick (1990) point out that, Within a month from birth it can be
observed that. . . failures (of attunement) produce signs of discomfort or psychic pain
and are soon followed by signs of anger such as gaze-aversion. Lane (1995) describes
how the vengeful male child is preoccupied with the intactness and function of his
sexual organs, equating defeat with castration and victory with power, virility, and masculinity. In many cases, the wish to take by force that which these boys feel is their
entitlement is present along with fear and envy of the girl. Feelings of mistrust are
displaced from the mother onto girls and other women and the bisexual problem
cannot be resolved (p. 52).
The similarity between the mothers described by Bloch (1978)) Greene (1981)) Lane
(1990, 1995)) Lane and Chazan (1989)) Lerner and Lerner (1996)) and Novick and
Novick (1987, 1991, 1994) is striking. These mothers are dysfunctional, unable to repair mismatches with their babies, unable to handle normal aggression, or contain
their childrens helplessness, dependency, and rage. They withdraw cathexis from
their children, who need to seek pain and suffering as an adaptation to their pathological relationship with their mothers. Everything unwanted in the mother is deposited
into their children. These mothers externalize their infantile and negative affective
states, their feelings of failure, murderous rage, and helplessness, their sense of blame
and self-devaluation, and their lack of control of impulses. For their children, safety

Identity, Confwion,

Bisexuality, and Flight from the Mother

267

resides only in situations that produce pain and suffering, which is perceived as essential for them.
Novick and Novick (1987)) in their research on masochism at the Hampstead (Anna
Freud) Clinic, describe a beating fantasy. They say, Disturbances in the pleasure economy between mother and infant appeared in the histories of all the children with
fixed beating fantasies, and were recreated in more specific forms in the transference
relationship during analysis (p. 356). Similarly to Bloch (1978), they see hostility
toward the mother as being denied- the children split and internalize their aggression, idealizing the mother, denying any imperfections, and omnipotently blame
themselves. The childs masochism is viewed by Novick and Novick (1987) as an
attempt to defend against destructive wishes from each level of development, directed
against the mother, utilizing the mechanisms of denial, displacement, internalization,
and, via the externalization, turning the aggression against the body (p. 366). Feeling
that his body is owned and controlled by the mother, the child cannot integrate
the body and the self.
Both mother and child perceive normal attempts at separation and independent
action as aggression against the mother. Even a normal move toward assertiveness is
misperceived as hostility. Thus, passivity, dependency, and helplessness are rewarded
and used as defenses against the loss of or separation from the mother, and keep the
child tied to her. One possible interpretation of the beating fantasy is that it is punishment for the wish to leave or separate from the mother. Hurting or not hurting the
mother becomes a central theme at all stages of development.
Another meaning of the beating fantasy is to produce a strong dominant father,
one who could control both the mother and the fulfillment of the childs omnipotent
sexual and aggressive fantasies. Absence of an adequate defense system, an internalized strong father, and a healthy superego (which would prevent the acting out of
unacceptable wishes) may help to make the aggressor in the beating fantasy a father
figure. According to Novick and Novick (1987)) the beating fantasy may be used to
control and limit drive with the fixed beating fantasy functioning in place of a superego. Submission to a master, being beaten, being taken advantage of and humiliated,
come to represent the female receptive position in the childs fantasy about parental
intercourse. These male patients wish to be in the feminine position, wish to be done
to, and this becomes the essence of their masochism (and is the central masturbation
fantasy) and the source of their phallic masturbation. There is a preoccupation with
several sense modalities, particularly seeing and smelling, and an anal fixation on bottoms, smearing, and things stuck in their behinds and the like.
With regard to the female patient, Novick and Novick (1987) say, The fathers of the
girls continued and intensified their denigration of the mothers and actively involved
themselves in over-stimulating relationships with their daughters from the Oedipal
phase onward, with the result that a component of the masochistic pathology of the
females was intense bisexual conflict and severe penis envy (p. 377). In order to
learn more about these cases and their sexuality, we turned to the literature on seifmutilation.
Asch (1971) describes anhedonic girls, between the ages of 14 and 21, who complain
about feeling dead inside, empty, and possessing a propensity for wrist-cutting,
scratching, and slashing. He indicates that this symptom occurs five times more frequently in girls and, similar to anorexia, the boys who exhibit this symptom tend to
be feminine. Asch points out that these anhedonic girls have a proclivity toward eating
disturbances, loneliness, and boredom, and often manifest difficulties in school. Unable to experience affect, they appear dreamy and ethereal, suffer severe separation

268

R C. Lane and W. B. Goeltz

anxiety, tend to depersonalize, which leads to the cutting, are promiscuous in their
search to maintain closeness to and contact with objects, and attract sadistic male
lovers.
Although the mother figures are described as preoccupied, unresponsive, distant,
and unable to involve themselves with their daughters, these anhedonic girls often
suffer panic reactions to separation from their mothers and repress and deny their
rage (until they either explode or depersonalize). The father is, once again, described
as absent, unavailable or preoccupied, and relinquishing or giving up mother and
shifting to father is thus extremely difficult. Most writers point out that cutting symp
toms begin after menarche and are associated with menstruation, suggesting a marked
difficulty with menses and acceptance of womanhood. Although a number of authors
point out the girls attempts to turn to the father and her wish to flush out or rid herself
of the mother (e.g., the purging or flushing out of the mother, as in the bulimics use
of laxatives and enemata), they cannot accomplish this task. Even when indicating a
preference for the father, they remain attached to and terrified of upsetting the
mother. Rosenthal, Wallsh, Ringler, and Klausner (in Asch, 1971) point out the signs
of confused sexual identity in the dress and behavior of these girls and their general
discomfort with sexuality and depreciation of femininity. Hull and Lane (1988) emphasize the autoerotic nature of the symptoms of bulimia and wrist-cutting. There is a
frantic search to feel, to seek excitement, to act out in some manner, while convincing
themselves and others of their emptiness and deadness. They must do something to
rid themselves of the depersonalization, to release or discharge tension, and to experience a sense of relief and relaxation. This need to be soothed, held, and comforted
is attained by the impulse to cut, which also discharges the sought-after excitement
while focusing on the body and its sensations (self-soothing) in the service of individuation. This autoerotic sexualization is seen in its transitional meaning through an elaborate ritual (razor, towel, turning down the lights, soft music, comments made about
its exciting nature, such as pure pleasure, and having fun by myself) leading to
the release of tension and usually ending by going off to sleep (Hull & Lane, 1988).
The self-soothing activity (cutting or stuffing oneself) is viewed as a reunion with
mother. Other forms of autoerotic behavior that bring about an acute awareness of
body feelings and sensations include touching, rubbing, jumping up and down, physical exercise, dancing, play, and other physical self-stimulation; anything to feel (cut,
burn, rip, vomit, defecate, etc.).
To Novick and Novick (1987)) M asochism is the active pursuit of psychic or physical pain, suffering, or humiliation in the service of adaptation, defense and instinctual
gratification at oral, anal, and phallic levels (p. 381). They recommend, in the selvice
of breaking the pre-Oedipal tie to the mother, that the patient must become aware
of both internal conflicts and of the mothers pathology and role, especially her hostile
opposition to the childs progressive development. The child must face both their
destructive impulses and their denial of the mothers hostility. The high degree of
pathological parental collusion at every level of development must become conscious.
Lerner and Lerner (1996) claim that, Inhibition and spoiling successful experiences and accomplishments become important vehicles for maintaining infantile relationships, protecting themselves against aggression and the loss of others, avoiding
narcissistic pain, and gratifying instincts by fantasy participation in Oedipal triumphs
(p. 413 ). Success renders the patient no longer special or chosen by their love
object and they no longer would be able to share a pathological relationship with an
overstimulating, seductive mother. It is evident that these patients are fixated at the
pre-Oedipal level, despite whatever Oedipal problems are manifested, and that genital

269

Identity, Confusion, Bisexuality, and Right from the Mother

sexuality is secondary to being with an object who permits some feelings of safety and
security regardless of their sex.
It is important to remember that the sexual identification that is demonstrated by
these patients is not adult genital sexuality. The Oedipal conflict has not been resolved,
repression of incestuous wishes toward the primary love object is tenuous, and they
are unable to utilize defenses, such as displacement (of emotion from the mother
onto other women) and identification (with the father), as a means of moving into
genital relationality. Their sexuality may be understood as symbolic of the pre-Oedipal
conflict in which they are enmeshed, even as adults.

CONCLUSION
The complex material described
the following six points:

in this paper may be summarized,

beginning

with

1. The presence of an oral sadistic, annihilating, killer mother (intensified by the

absence or weakness of the father) produces the need in the child to flee, by
any means possible, from her and from his feelings of murderous rage toward
her.
2. The threatening, overly powerful nature of these mothers, and the pathological
helplessness of the fathers, also produces in the child an identity confusion and
a struggle with bisexuality due to the confusing interaction of the roles (e.g., the
dangerous phallic mother, the weak and helpless, phallus-less father, as well as
a number of other factors).
3. Suffering and pain (not achieving, spoiling success) are necessary and in the
service of maintaining the infantile mother-child
relationship. These symptoms
protect against the destruction of the bad internal object (themselves as well as
the mother) and the loss of their objects. Success brings on greater pain, loss of
objects, and gratifies instinctual needs (Oedipal victory), and therefore must be
avoided.
4. If successful, patients are no longer special. They need to feel helpless and miserable so that they can feel magical and omnipotent in the service of controlling
their feelings.
5. They use their masochism to fuel their omnipotence.
6. Success is associated with destructiveness and hostile triumph over others. It represents the annihilation and destruction of love objects.
We have established that the killer mother creates a fear of annihilation in her
child, who then seeks every possible route to flee from her, including bisexuality and
the assumption of the role of the other gender. The externalization of everything that
could cause her pain and suffering is placed onto and into the child, resulting in the
childs sadomasochism. The child, in his attempt to idealize the mother, denies the
reality of her murderous rage, splits and becomes fearful of both being annihilated
and of annihilating others. The childs self-esteem becomes shattered as he perceives
himself as evil, wicked, worthless, devalued, and deserving of punishment. They protect both self and object by turning their rage against themselves at each stage of
development. The greater the unconscious rage, the greater the masochism, pain and
suffering, omnipotence, and grandiose narcissistic fantasy. These children cannot ac-

270

R C. Lane and W. B. Goeltr

cept anything positive about themselves and derive little pleasure from lifes accomplishments and success in general.
By the nature of the childs relationship with the mother, he is made to feel omnipo
tently responsible for mothers deficiencies and negative affect states (pain, suffering,
rage, and helplessness). The childs omnipotence,
intimately connected with the
mothers pain and suffering, evolves developmentally as a result of traumatic cumulative experiences of helplessness. The more the mother exerts her omnipotence, the
more the child, through lack of boundary differentiation, employs his own omnipotence to blame himself and use it as a defense against his helplessness. The more
masochistic the child, the more responsible he feels because of his omnipotence,
power, and magical thinking, taking on the full responsibility for mothers painful
experiences. The absence of mother-child
boundary differentiation also leads the
child to believe that the mother owns both his body and mind, that he and mother
are one, and any self-destructive, masochistic behavior is an unconscious attack on
mother as well as self. Outwardly, the mother is idealized, all-loving, and perfect with
hostility denied, and any negative perception of the mother disavowed, with these
feelings being internalized and displaced. The child must retain any available feeling
of being special or chosen.
At each stage of psychosexual development, conflicts concerning mothers discomfort and suffering are magically attributed to the childs sadism. Transformations result
in the child blaming himself more and more, along with an increase in masochism
and with its gradual sexualization in the phallic stage related to overstimulation, oversexualization, and enmeshment in general. The seductive invitation from the mother
to share a pathological object relationship is too enticing for the child to refuse. The
feelings of omnipotence, megalomania, and entitlement associated with this seductive
mother-child
relationship leads to bisexual fantasies (e.g., I can have or be anything
I want.) and the wish to be of both sexes. Entitlement is the belief that reparation
is due for past and present neglect, deprivation, exploitation, and mistreatment.
In therapy, this attitude appears as a negative therapeutic reaction (Kissen, 1987;
Lane, 1984, 1985; Lane, Monaco, 8c Gregson, 1997; Valenstein, 1973). Such destructiveness is seen in a wish for a hostile triumph over the analyst and the analysis via
negativity. The major threats to fantasies of omnipotence, masochism, and entitlement is the experience of pleasure and accomplishment, especially pleasure in sexuality (Novick & Novick, 1987). Success in therapy, and in life in general, represents
the annihilation of the bad, internalized object (Seinfeld, 1990), which, through their
splitting, represents themselves, and is the most significant threat to the fantasy of
omnipotence. The patient employs negative therapeutic reactions in order to block
any therapeutic progress and acts in ways that sabotage opportunities for success in
their daily lives.
Patients come to us with the belief that pain and suffering are necessary conditions
of life, that they exist in all relationships (including therapy), and that an omnipotent
fantasy is necessary to control it. As a result, they miss much in childhood and feel
that they are entitled to receive from the therapist all that they ever desired. They
externalize into the therapist as their mothers externalized into them, dumping on
the therapist their pain and suffering, expecting the therapist to take care of all of
their needs, everything that they should have received but did not; the good-enough
mothering that was promised but not received is expected from the therapist. They
feel that therapy should re-parent and repair them, reversing their neglect, exploitation, and abandonment.

Zo!entity, Confusion,

Bisexuality,

and Flight from the Mother

271

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