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Jonny on Sunday

I hate Sunday.
Theres nothing on Sunday, unless youve got money. And theyve
stopped my spends.
I woke early this morning and set up the drums all round my bed.
Theyre not really drums, just boxes and tins; and Grannys old jar that
rings when you hit it.
I must practice, you see. Im starting this group when I leave
school... Heavy Metal... or something like that.
I was drumming real good when Granny burst in. Stop it! she
yelled. Stop all that noise!
I hate my Granny. Shes always complaining about me and my
noise. Ill be glad when shes moved to that old folks home that Dad
shouts about when shes gone off to bed.
She knocked the jar off the stool when she opened the door. It fell
on the floor and smashed into bits. She burst into tears and fell on her
knees to pick up the pieces. Shes a big baby sometimes.
Then she rabbited on about crystals and things. But there were no
crystals there just a broken old jar.
She shouted for Mam and kept blaming me. But it wasnt my fault.
She broke it herself when she opened the door.
I tried to explain, but she only got worse. So I grabbed for my
clothes and ran down the stairs.
I got my football and went out for some training. I use the old shed
because it makes a good noise. The harder you kick, the louder the bang.
You can spot all your best shots. I might turn professional when I leave
Dad charged from the house in his vest and pyjamas. Ill kill you,
he yelled. Yer all flamin noise.
Hes ugly, my Dad. He looks worse in the mornings. Mam says its
the beer. His hair hangs down over his face and his eyes are all red. Hed
look like a monster if he had any teeth.
He tried to hit me and missed. His hand caught the wall and started
to bleed, so he danced up and down, howling and cursing.
I was glad. I hate my Dad. He shouts too much and spoils all my
Then next doors barred cat jumped over the wall into their garden. It
looks like a tiger. So I climbed over myself and started to stalk it, on my
hands and knees through all the flowerbeds. I might be a trapper when I
leave school.

When it went in the coal shed I set up an ambush. I hid in the

sheets on the whirly bird clothesline with a handful of mud. Then, when it
came out, I let fly splat! Right on its head.
Then fat Mrs Bailey came waggling out, shrieking and skipping and
flapping her arms, like a panicky old hen trying to fly.
Oh, my sheets! she screeched. Oh, my flowers! Oh, my cat!
I kept saying, Shush, youll bring out my Mam. But she just
wouldnt listen.
Mam came out then and they both got me cornered. They dragged
me into the house and kicked up the stairs. Mam clouted my head and
yelled, Get in that bath! She knows thats the worst thing that can
happen to me.
I hate my Mam. She sides with others and keeps on about bathing
and washing and things.
I ran the water and splashed it around so they would think I was in it. I
got this tray that they use for the soap, and set it afloat. It made a good
boat. I stood a plastic bottle on top of the tray and it was just like a mast.
Then I got my sisters clean knickers from over the towel rail and rigged
them up as a sail.
I like sailing boats. I might be a sailor when I leave school.
Then my sister came in, bleating as usual, about the wet on the
floor. She ran to my boat and snatched off its sail and shouted and
thumped me and called me bad names.
I hate my sister. Shes always like that. She stands for hours in
front of the mirror, squeezing her zits. Thats why she cant get a boy with
a motorbike because shes got zits. She reckons Rogers a boyfriend.
But he hasnt got a motorbike, only a car.
I gave her a kick, hard, on the shin. She shouted for help and
screamed when it bled.
Dad and Granny ran out of their bedrooms. They all tried to punch
me, Granny and Dad and my sister. But I gave them the slip and dashed
down the stairs.
Mam went to grab me, but I pushed her aside and ran out of the
I ran to the woods. I like the woods. Theres a swamp, with water and
mud and all that kind of thing. Billy was there, making a damn.
Billys dead lucky. He gets loads of money. Thats so hell be good
when his Mam and Dad go down to the pub. And he gets pounds from his
brother, so he wont grass about the glue and cannabis and that.
I helped him with the damn. Its good practice really. Ill build a big
damn when I leave school, then let the water run out and drown all our
family. After that, Ill move into Billys and get lots of money.
I slipped and fell in. I was wet through and cold and covered in
mud. So I ran home and sneaked in through the back door, and crept
upstairs to the bedroom to change.

Thats where I am now.

Mams running upstairs. Shes screaming again, about the mud in
the kitchen and over the stairs. The rest of the family are running up with
her, Dad and Granny and spotty daft sister.
I hate Sunday.