THE 100 FUNNIEST JOKES

ALL TIME

OF

compiled by Don Steinberg for GQ

with input from comics and writers including David Brenner, Jim Brogan,
Dick Cavett, Larry David, Al Franken, Larry Gelbart, Jon Groff, Richard
Jeni, Jonathan Katz, Chris Kelly, Billy Kimball, Robert Klein, Richard
Lewis, Jackie Martling, William Novak, and Gene Perret.

(approximately 3/4 of this list appeared as

"The 75 Funniest Jokes of All Time"
in GQ magazine, June 1999)
(warning: adult language)

further nonsense at:

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest
boy what hed like to eat. "Ill have some fuckin French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at
his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I
guess that leaves more fuckin French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends
him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I dont know," he says
meekly, "but I definitely dont want the fuckin French toast."

grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was
2 My
watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)
night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said,
3 Last
"Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" (Steven Wright)

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business."
He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he
relents, sells his store. The voice says Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3
million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul , go to the blackjack table and
put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. Hes dealt an 18. The dealer has a
six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has -- "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit
him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE
ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. Its another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another
card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the
voice. Hit me,Saul says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: "un-fuckingbelievable!"

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: hes allowed to say two words every seven
years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he
says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his
two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more
years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "Thats not surprising," the elders
say. "Youve done nothing but complain since you got here."

was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the
6 Imorning?"
She said. "No. I hate myself now." (Rodney Dangerfield)

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes
and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him
back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up
to heaven and says: "He had a hat!" (Myron Cohen)

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.
They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns
to the other and hands him a bill. "Heres that $20 I owe you," he says.

went to my doctor and told him "my penis is burning." He said, "That means somebody is talking
9 Iabout
it." (Garry Shandling)
car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy
10 Asays:
"I make a good living." (Henny Youngman)

11

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and
straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an
adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down
the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in
his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks
and drops the ball. Its in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play
golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"

12

A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Heres a deal. I'll open this alligator's
mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and
I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy
drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the
guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he
removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100
who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll
give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

13

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. Ive got a special game for you.
Ill do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy
replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundreddollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paintmyhouse."

a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said "Mr.
14 AtPresident,
I made a bet I can get more than three words out of you." He replied: "You lose."
is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he
15 L.A.
shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait. (Bill Maher)
16 I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out. (Rodney Dangerfield)
man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The
17 Adoctor
says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."
was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I'd go to confession, I'd say "Bless me, father, for I
18 Ihave
sinned -- and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen." (Bill Maher)
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must
one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The
19 choose
guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to
their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are

standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick
this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some
coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

20

Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says "Your money
or your life!" An extremely long silence follows. "Your money or your life!" the thug repeats. Finally
Benny says "Im thinking!"

21

A man is driving his five year old to a friends house when another car races in front and cuts them
off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the
indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was
angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it,
it doesnt make it right, and I dont ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at
him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

22

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the
passengers. He tells them at what altitude theyll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about
the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the
microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a
blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit
to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Dont forget the coffee!"

23 I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. (Henny Youngman)
24

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the
clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers wont help you outrun that bear." "I don't
need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

25

TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I
think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
(Jerry Seinfeld)

26

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scount. "This dog can speak English," he claims to
the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "whats on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go roof." "No, wait,"
the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The
talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy
says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the
greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scount, having seen
enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I
shoulda said DiMaggio?"

guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies:
27 A"Why?
What happened at 8:30?"
I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter. (Emo
28 When
Philips)
lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies,
29 A"Madam,
you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

30

I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses
tighter, hold onto their Mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I
pass I can see old ladies on the phone. Theyve already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to
do something wrong. (Chris Rock)

worked some gigs in the Deep SouthAlabamaYou talk about Darwins waiting room. There are
31 Iguys
in Alabama who are their own father. (Dennis Miller)

32

In football you wear a helmet; in baseball you wear a cap. Football is concerned with downs;
baseball is concerned with ups. In football you receive a penalty; in baseball you make an error. In
football the specialist comes in to kick; in baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
(George Carlin)

want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for
33 Ithirty
six hours. I dont even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours. (Rita Rudner)

34

A guy has a parrot that can sing and speak beautifully. He takes it to the synagogue on Rosh
Hashonah and makes a wager that the bird can conduct the High Holiday service better than the
temples cantor. When the big moment comes, though, the parrot is silent. The guy is outraged. He
takes the bird home and is about to kill it when the bird finally speaks: "Schmuck! Think of the odds
well get on Yom Kippur!"

airport they asked me if anybody I didnt know gave me anything. Even the people I know
35 Atdontthegive
me anything. (George Wallace)
always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and Im thinking, okay,
36 Iheres
a gal whos capable of making a decision shell regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham
37 IfLincoln)
celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my
38 Ihouse,
we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)
greasy spoon restaurant was so bad, on the menu there were even flies in the pictures.
39 This
(Richard Lewis)

40

Theres always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says "Sure. Ten million
dollars. You know, for that kind of money, Id fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket
to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. (Larry Miller)

41

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them
each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes
the same. The third guy says "Im lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

was thrown out of NYU. On my metaphysics final, they caught me cheating. I looked within the
42 Isoul
of the boy sitting next to me. (Woody Allen)
know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said
43 I"No,
I'm just looking." (George Miller)

44

Three comedians are shooting the breeze at the back of a nightclub after a late gig. Theyve heard
one anothers material so much, theyve reached the point where they dont need to say the jokes
anymore to amuse each other they just need to refer to each joke by a number. "Number 37!"
cracks the first comic, and the others break up. ""Number 53!" says the second guy, and they howl.
Finally, its the third comics turn. "44!" he quips. He gets nothing. Crickets. "What?" he asks, "Isnt
44 funny?" "Sure, its usually hilarious," they answer. "But the way you tell it"

45

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father OMalley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. Im
seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, Im currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on
the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life Ive never
felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think youve come to the wrong place. Why are you
telling me?" And the guy goes: "Im telling everybody!"

46

Contrary to what most people would say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or
the tiger or even the elephant. Its a shark riding on an elephants back, just trampling and eating
everything they see. (Jack Handey)

only thing I know about Africa is that it's far, far away. About a thirty-five hour flight. The boat
47 The
ride's so long, there are still slaves on their way here. (Chris Rock)
year, I deducted 10, 697 cartons of cigarettes as a business expense. The tax man said, "Dont
48 Last
ever let us catch you without a cigarette in your hand." (Dick Gregory)
49 Animals may be our friends. But they wont pick you up at the airport. (Bobcat Goldthwait)

50

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the
living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is
no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.
'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back
sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More
sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is
like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

51 I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to England, so the other one could drive. (Steven Wright)
always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. (W.C.
52 IFields)
53

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So
I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?" "Well... are you religious?" He said yes. I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or
Buddhist?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? "Protestant." "Me too! Are you
Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist" "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church
of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you
reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" "Me too! Are you Reformed
Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of
1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum",
and pushed him off. (Emo Philips)

old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The
54 Two
other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions." (Woody Allen)

55

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes
in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays
you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize shes given you two $100 bills. Now,
heres where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?" (Henny
Youngman)

feel sorry for people who dont drink or do drugs. Because someday theyre going to be in a
56 Ihospital
bed, dying, and they wont know why. (Redd Foxx)
failed my drivers test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I dont know
57 Ilook
around, listen to the radio (Bill Braudis).
has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if youre a one in a million
58 China
kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you. (A. Whitney Brown)
Last time I was down South, I was in a restaurant and ordered some chicken, and these three
59 cousins, you know the ones I mean, Klu, Kluck and Klan, come up and say "Boy, were givin you

fair warnin. Anything you do to that chicken, were gonna do to you." So I put down my knife and
fork, and I picked up that chicken, and I kissed it. (Dick Gregory)

60 If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts. (Steven Wright)
61

A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a
genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my
wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things
just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've
never receievd oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another
moment and then says "How would you define peace?"

62

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, theyd
say "Thank you." That graduated into "Have a nice day." Thats now escalated into "You care care
of yourself, now." The other day I paid my check the waiter said, "Dont put off that mammogram."
(Rita Rudner)

63

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "Im too
young to die. Im only fifty five." "Fifty five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations,
youre eighty two." "Hows you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter: "We added up your
time sheets."

night I was having dinner with Charles Manson, and in the middle of dinner he turned to me
64 Last
and said "Is it hot in here, or am I crazy?" (Gilbert Gottfried)

65

An old woman is upset at her husbands funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in
a blue suit" The mortician says "Well take care of it, maam" and yells back "Ed, switch the heads
on two and four!"

had a depression fair in the back yard. A major game there was Pin the Blame on the Donkey.
66 We
(Richard Lewis)

67

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they dont want anybody
walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just
woke up and go, "What was that?!" (Jack Handey)

York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't
68 New
make a sudden move. (David Letterman)

69

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but its worse when you see them wearing dark
glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know
they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. (Ellen Degeneres)

had a cab driver in Paris. The man smelled like a guy eating cheese while getting a permanent
70 Iinside
the septic tank of a slaughterhouse. (Dennis Miller)

71

Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes.
The chief says to them, "You have a choice death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I
guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and
sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice,
death or ugga bugga." He says "well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I
suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well," and shouts "DEATHBY UGGA BUGGA!"

72

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks Are you reading
that?" I didnt know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
(David Brenner).

impossible women! How do they get around us! The poet was right: cant live with them, or
73 These
without them! (Aristophanes)

went to the psychiatrist, and he says "You're crazy " I tell him I want a second opinion. He says,
74 IOkay,
you're ugly too!" (Rodney Dangerfield)

75

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "Ill go
into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the towns only
doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I cant leave," the doctor says. But heres what to do. Take a knife,
cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to
his friend, who is in agony. What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says youre gonna die."

night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves. (Johnny
76 Last
Carson)
77 Take my wifeplease (Henny Youngman)
guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "Thats
78 Aawfully
steep, isnt it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, "Now whats your final question?"
wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill
79 My
Dwyer)
cant think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not
80 Ibeing
able to remember their name, or how you met, or why theyre dead. (Laura Kightlinger)
Andretti has retired from race car driving. That's a good thing. He's getting old. He ran his
81 Mario
entire last race with his left blinker on. (Jon Stewart)
sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two
82 My
dinners! (Sarah Silverman)
have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world (Steven
83 IWright)

84

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on
the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, theres a knock on
the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says What the hell was that all about?"

85 Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, youve got it made. (George Burns)
12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said,
86 After
"No hablo ingles." (Ronnie Shakes)
87

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As
he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into
beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So
what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I dont mind him reading lips, but he uses
88 My
one of those yellow highlighters. (Brian Kiley)
would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for member. (Groucho
89 IMarx)

90

A guy tells his psychiatrist: It was terrible. I was away on business, and I wired my wife that Id be
back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I dont
get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didnt get your
telegram."

say animal behavior can warm you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that
91 They
last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona (Bob Hope/Gene Perret)

92

A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the
priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. "I promised not to tell!" he says.
"Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks. "No, and I said I wouldn't tell." "Was
it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?" "No, and I still won't tell!" 'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's
daughter?" "No," says the boy. 'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate
you for six months." Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six
months, but three good leads."

was coming back from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked "Do you have any
93 Ifirearms
with you?" I said: "What do you need?' (Steven Wright)

94

A comedian is sitting at the bar of a comedy club late one night when a beautiuful woman comes up
to him and says "I saw you perform tonight, and youre the funniest guy Ive ever seen. I want to
take you home and give you the hottest night of sex youre ever had." The comedian looks at her
and says, "Did you see the first show or the second show?"

95

The guy who shot Robert Kennedy, Sirhan Sirhan, goes up for parole every year. Once he even told
the parole board that if Kennedy was alive today, he would speak in his favor and say let him go.
What a tough break, you know? The one guy who would have supported him, and he shot him.
(Paula Poundstone)

"Emily, arent you afraid of death?" Emily: "I just think of it as a part of life." Bob: "Yeah. The
96 Bob:
last part." (Bob Newhart show/Sy Rosen)
believe Dr. Kevorkian is onto something. I think hes great. Because suicide is our way of saying to
97 IGod,
"You cant fire me. I quit." (Bill Maher)
father heard the story of the Menendez brothers. He quit playing the lottery. He said Screw it,
98 My
Ive got twelve kids. Any one of them could snap." (Paul Rodriguez)
bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the
99 Ibox,
and sure enough... (Brian Kiley)
went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French
100 Itoast
during the Renaissance. (Steven Wright)