(Name of Project)

(Genre)
by
(Name of Writer)

Name
Address
Phone Number
Agency Information

CHARACTER NAME

BRIEF DESCRIPTION

AGE

GENDER

PEANUTS AND PROPINQUITY

There are four benches seen. All are pressed against the
edges of the stage, one at the lip of the stage as well (per
the theatres style). SUSAN and MARY JACKSON are
playing a game of heads up with sticky notes. SUSAN
suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder, meaning she
has multiple personalities. Unless otherwise noted, she is
the Susan personality, the more normal one. MARY
JACKSON suffers from a severe cause of Southernitis-she is a huge southern hillbilly, yet totally lovable.
MARY JACKSON has a sticky note on her head that
says BARACK OBAMA. She simply cannot guess it
right, and SUSAN is getting frustrated.
SUSAN
No! No! No! No!
MARY JACKSON
Uh... Is it a boy?
SUSAN
For the fifth time, Mary Lou-MARY JACKSON
Mary Jackson.
SUSAN
It is not a boy!
MARY JACKSON
Come on, now. Give me another hint.
SUSAN
You have to ask a question! Thats how the game works.
(as a father)
Oh just give her a hint, woman! She doesnt understand the damn game!
(as a mother)
Now Steven, we talked to the therapist about your anger problems.
(as a father)
Lay off my case, woman!
(as a little kid)

2.
Guys, stop fighting!!!!!
(as an elephant)
[elephant sound]
MARY JACKSON
Uh, is it a boy?
SUSAN
I cant do this anymore.
MARY JACKSON
Am I Mary Jackson?
SUSAN
(as the Queen of England)
Youre Mary George. Not your sticky.
MARY JACKSON
Mary Jackson.
SUSAN
(still as Queen)
I hereby expel you from my court.
MARY JACKSON
Yes mam. And where do I go?
SUSAN
Oh, Im so sorry Mary Beau. You know how the Queen is. I hate when shes here.
MARY JACKSON
Yeah. I done missed her like a stick in the eye.
SUSAN
(as a mother)
Now, you know thats not very nice.
(MARY JACKSON begins to look around.)
MARY JACKSON
Hey, Susan, we can talk about it now.

3.
SUSAN
(as a father)
Whos Susan? Are you screwing around?
MARY JACKSON
I done messed up, I meant you, Steven. He aint here, lets chat about it.
SUSAN
(as a father)
Whered he go?
MARY JACKSON
Hell if I know!
SUSAN
Alright, well, I called Ferris yesterday. He looked online and found a map of the place, and
after midnight, hes wants to come in through the back.
MARY JACKSON
Yeah, thats what Jackson said.
SUSAN
What?
MARY JACKSON
Huh?
SUSAN
Never mind.
(as a a grim and frightening woman, grim woman)
It should work though. Then we can get revenge.
MARY JACKSON
Oh, how are you doing, honey?
SUSAN
(grim woman)
I cant wait to get the hell out of here.
MARY JACKSON
Neither can I. But if it doesnt work, you know what theyre gonna do to you, right? They
got the legal rights and everythin to do it-(SUSAN begins to laugh uncontrollably.)
Oh Dear Mary and Joseph, I aint gonna lie-- I hate this one. Please stop laughing before--

4.
(KORT enters. He is a very kind young man,
but a bit outspoken. He seems like he has
been pushed in. He turns around and
addresses his point of entrance.)
KORT
Hey, I hope you push your girlfriend harder than that. Being hard seems to be difficult
around her.
(There is an awkward pause as KORT
examines the women and they examine him
back.)
How are we doing, ladies...?
MARY JACKSON
Oh my Susan, look at him! Its aint a girl anymore! We got a boy to join us. He probably
got a ding dong and everything!
KORT
Im flattered? But I dont think Ill be here for very long. At least I hope not.
SUSAN
(as the Queen)
He sure could use some meat on those scrawny bones.
KORT
And whats you name?
MARY JACKSON
Thats the queen.
KORT
Right.
MARY JACKSON
Shes one of our roommates. Uh, Queen Elizabeth, aint you gonna shake his hand?
(She does.)
KORT
My name is Kort.
SUSAN
(as the Queen)
Like a basketball court?

5.
KORT
No, its spelled with a K.
MARY JACKSON
K-O-U-R-T?
KORT
Theres no U in it.
MARY JACKSON
Well, there aint no me in it just yet!
SUSAN
Mary Robert, dont scare the young boy.
MARY JACKSON
Mary Jackson.
KORT
Listen, Im just gonna mind my business-SUSAN
Pleased to meet you Kort, my name is Susan.
KORT
What happened to the British Accent?
SUSAN
Thats the Queens. Oh, I probably scared you. The thing is: I have many personalities. I
dont know which one is really me. If Im nice at first, but then Im mean, you met Susan,
and then you met Steven.
KORT
Excuse me?
MARY JACKSON
I know, its really strange.
KORT
So youre Susan right now...?

6.
SUSAN
(as a mother)
Dont be frightened! Steven and Susan dont cause any harm. Neither do Sarah, Sam or
Sammy.
KORT
Thank God....
SUSAN
But Darwin and Devin and David sure do.
(as a grim woman)
Be cautious around them. You wont know who is who, we all look the same. Half of us
would hug you, and falsely reminisce, but half of us will kill you.
MARY JACKSON
Oh, aint she cutest when she does this?
KORT
So cute....
SUSAN
(as an Elephant)
[elephant noise]
MARY JACKSON
Calm down, Peanuts! Here, want a treat?
(She pulls a peanut out of her pocket and
feeds it to SUSAN.)
KORT
I think I understand why shes here now.
SUSAN
(as a father)
And why are you here, son?
KORT
I probably shouldnt say. My parents should be here any minute, though.
MARY JACKSON
Thats what I thought. Now, I done been here for a week.
KORT
Your parents didnt get you?

7.
MARY JACKSON
Theyre dead. I thought Jesus would get me.
KORT
Fellow Christian?
MARY JACKSON
No, Im Jewish.
SUSAN
(in a thick Russian accent)
Vhat a covincidence! Im a frommer, but I fink ve should get rid of zis goyum boy out of
here.
MARY JACKSON
Vladimir, how have you been, darlin?
KORT
So you just sit here all day and listen to this?
MARY JACKSON
I just kinda babysit her when she gets like this....
SUSAN
(as a kid)
Noooo you dont! I can do what I want. Im almost 12.
MARY JACKSON
But you done act like youre five.
SUSAN
(as a kid)
Stop it! I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!!!
(as a father)
Oh come on now, grow some balls.
(as a mother)
Dont say that to him! He could be one of those gays. They dont even have... you know
whats....
(as a father)
Oh God Forbid...
KORT
CHECK!
MARY JACKSON
What?

8.
KORT
Nothing. So, what do you guys do for fun?
MARY JACKSON
Oh, well we were just finishing up a game of heads up. You know how to play?
KORT
Yeah, I have it on my iPhone.
MARY JACKSON
Your what?
KORT
My I..... Nevermind. We can play a round or two.
MARY JACKSON
Alright, who wants to write something on the sticky note first?
SUSAN
Ill give it a shot.
(She takes the sticky note and pencil from
MARY JACKSON. Then, MARY
JACKSON tries to peek at the note.)
(as a father)
Mary Lou, stop looking right now.
MARY JACKSON
Mary Jackson.
SUSAN
(as a mother)
Alright, I can put it on anyones head. Kort, get your little behind over here.
(He awkwardly laughs and then lets her place
the note on his head. It reads: ELLEN
DEGENERES.)
KORT
Alright, am I a boy or a girl?
MARY JACKSON
Well by the crest in your-SUSAN
He means on his sticky note, Mary Bob.

9.
MARY JACKSON
Mary Jackson.
SUSAN
Youre a girl.
KORT
Alright, am I real or fictional?
SUSAN
(as an elephant)
[elephant noise]
KORT
Is that a fictional character?
SUSAN
(as an elephant)
[elephant noise]
KORT
A real character?
SUSAN
(as an elephant)
[elephant noise]
MARY JACKSON
Its a real person!
KORT
A real person! A real person thats a girl... okay.... Am I... a singer?
MARY JACKSON
Yeah, you wrote that song.
SUSAN
(russian accent)
Vhat song?
MARY JACKSON
The one about the fireworks, it goes like, Youre a firework... come on let your colors..
SUSAN
(russian accent)
Zhat vas Katy Perry. Not ze voman on her forehead.

10.
KORT
So Im not a singer?
SUSAN
(as a child)
No!!!! I hate this game. Im bored.
(as a father)
Oh shut up! I was bored the night you were made too.
(as a mother)
And what is that supposed to mean? Do I bore you now, Steven?
(as an elephant)
[elephant noise]
(as a mother)
Alright, who brought Peanuts into the house?
(as a father)
Not me.
(as a child)
Not me!
MARY JACKSON
Alright, it was me! I did it!
SUSAN
(as a mother)
I told you, Peanuts is to stay outside unless there is a storm!
(grim woman)
You have to die now, Mary Corbin.
MARY JACKSON
Mary Jackson!
KORT
(interrupting)
Okay! Um, if Im not a singer, am I on TV?
MARY JACKSON
And on the Youtube!
KORT
Oh, I dont spend time on Youtube, more on-(A pause.)
Homework. Alright, do I have a TV show?

11.
SUSAN
(as a father)
No you dont.
KORT
So Im not a singer and I dont have my own TV show...
SUSAN
(as the Queen)
Yes, she does. I watch it all the time.
(as a father)
They dont even have TV in England.
(as the Queen)
Do you think we just sip tea all day? How else am I to entertain myself?
(as a father)
A bottle of lube!
(as the Queen)
Thats no way to talk to a Queen!
(as a child)
Whats your favorite animal?
KORT
Yes to a TV show...?
SUSAN
Yes, you have a TV show.
KORT
Is it a talk show?
MARY JACKSON
Well, when me and you are gonna watch it, there aint gonna be much talkin.
SUSAN
Mary Sherman, stop flirting with the boy.
MARY JACKSON
Im sorry, Kort, you just tickle me in all the right-SUSAN
(grim woman)
Remember what got you in here.
MARY JACKSON
Ive been tryin to stop, but it aint easy when you see boys like him!

12.
SUSAN
(grim woman)
Give me five minutes, he wont be a problem again.
KORT
(interrupting again)
Am I Oprah?
SUSAN
(as a mother)
So close! You deserve a sticker.
(as a child)
Why does he get a sticker and NOT ME?!?!
KORT
So Im not Oprah.
MARY JACKSON
You aint Oprah, but youre close darlin.
KORT
Um... Ellen Degeneres!
SUSAN
(as a child)
YES!!!! YOU GOT IT!!!
KORT
Thanks for the support....?
MARY JACKSON
Its time to talk about it again. He aint looking. But we got to be careful. I dont want you
gettin hurt.
SUSAN
Lets let Kort in on the plan now.
KORT
What plan?
MARY JACKSON
When night falls tonight, were gonna get out of here.
KORT
Do you really think we can do that?

13.
SUSAN
(as the Queen)
I hereby declare we can.
KORT
And how?
MARY JACKSON
She got a friend. Hes gonna bust us out.
KORT
My parents should be here any minute, though. Just count me out of this plan.
SUSAN
Alright, but if your folks arent here by midnight tonight, dont ask to come along.
KORT
They will be. I know it for a fact.
SUSAN
Kort, theres not much you can know for sure in this world.
KORT
What do you mean?
SUSAN
(grim woman)
One moment youre here, one moment youre gone. Come here, Kort, give me a hug.
KORT
No, thank you.
SUSAN
(grim woman)
Give me a hug now!
(SUSAN begins to laugh uncontrollably.)
MARY JACKSON
Oh God, shes at it again.
KORT
Which personality is this?

14.
MARY JACKSON
We better hush her up before-(THE MAN enters.)
THE MAN
Causing another disturbance?
SUSAN
(as a father)
Get off her case!
THE MAN
Im not up for these games, Four-Zero-Three-Nine. Your little friend, Ferris Krogh,
spoiled your escape plot. You know the penalties for that. Its time. Youre coming with
me. Now.
(He grabs her and drags her out.)
SUSAN
(russian accent)
Vhat are you doing? Ve von ze cold var you know! Ve vill bomb America! Cuba vill help
us!
(They exit.)
KORT
Well she seemed like a nice girl.
MARY JACKSON
Which one?
(They laugh.)
KORT
So whats she in here for?
MARY JACKSON
She murdered a family of five. Even done killed the dog too. She been here for about seven
years, you know.
KORT
And you?
MARY JACKSON
Child pornography.

15.
KORT
Oh.
MARY JACKSON
Dont worry. They took my camera away.
KORT
God, they always said prison would suck.
MARY JACKSON
At least were sharin this cell together.
KORT
Up for another game of Heads Up?
MARY JACKSON
As long as I write the sticky.
(She begins to write on a sticky note.)
No cheatin!
(He laughs. As shes writing, a gunshot is
heard.)
I wonder which person that was.
KORT
Maybe it was Peanuts.
MARY JACKSON
Maybe, just maybe.
(She keeps writing as their drab lives carry
on.)
FADE TO BLACK.