20141221

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AsAmericanasApplePie|VanityFair

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July 2006

sex

As American as Apple Pie

Fellatiohasalongandstoriedhistory,butnotuntil1972withthereleaseof
DeepThroatdiditcomeout,sotospeak,inpolitecompany.FromtheWild
WesttotheWildWhiteHouse,theauthorexplorestheblowjobsemergenceas
thenationssignaturesexact.
byChristopherHitchens

sthereanythingmoretragicthanthelastleavetakingbetweenHumbertHumbert
andDoloresHaze(hisveryownLolita,lightofmylife,fireofmyloins)?They
meetinthedrearyshackwhereshehasremovedherselftobecomeagrounddown
babymachineforsomeprole.NotonlydoesshetellHumbertthatshewillneversee
himagain,butshealsomaddenshimbydescribingtheweird,filthy,fancythingsto
whichshewasexposedbyhishatedrival,Quilty.Whatthingsexactly?heasks,inacalm
voicewherethewordexactlymakesushearhisalmostunutterablylowgrowlofmisery
andrage:Crazythings,filthythings.Isaidno,Imjustnotgoingto[sheused,inall
insouciancereally,adisgustingslangtermwhich,inaliteralFrenchtranslation,wouldbe
souffler]yourbeastlyboys
Souffleristheverbtoblow.Initspastparticiple,itcan
describealightbutdeliciousdessertthat,well,meltson
thetongue.Ithasoftenbeensaid,slightlysuggestively,
thatyoucannotmakeasoufflrisetwice.Vladimir
NabokovspokeperfectRussianandFrenchbeforehe
becametheunrivaledmasterofEnglishprose,andhis
1955masterpiece,Lolita,wasconsideredthemost
transgressivebookeverpublished.(Itmaystillbe.)Why,
then,couldhenotbringhimselftowritethewords
bloworblowjob?
ItsnotasifNabokovwassqueamish.Trythis,for
example,whenHumbertsstepdaughterisstillwithinhis
power(andheisevenmoreinhers):

WarnerBros./NealPeters
Collection.

Knowingthemagicandmightofherownsoftmouth,shemanagedduringoneschool
year!toraisethebonuspriceofafancyembracetothree,andevenfourbucks.O
Reader!Laughnot,asyouimagineme,ontheveryrackofjoynoisilyemittingdimes
andquarters,andgreatbigsilverdollarslikesomesonorous,jinglyandwholly
dementedmachinevomitingriches
ThemagicandmightofherownsoftmouthEroticpoetshavehymneditdownthe
ages,thoughoftensubstitutingthewordhis.Themenuofbrothelofferingsinancient
Pompeii,preservedthroughcenturiesofvolcanicburial,featuresitinthefrescoes.Itwas
considered,aspoorHumbertwellknew,tobeworthpayingfor.Thetemplecarvingsof
IndiaandtheKamasutramakeratheralavishpointofit,andSigmundFreudwonderedif
apassageinLeonardodaVincisnotebooksmightnotbetrayanearlyattachmenttothat
whichinrespectablesocietyisconsideredaloathsomeperversion.DaVincimayhave
chosentowriteincodeandNabokovmayhavechosentodissolveintoFrench,ashe
usuallydidwhentouchingontherisqu,butthewellknownwordfellatiocomesfrom
theLatinverbtosuck.
Well,whichisitbloworsuck?(Oldjoke:No,darling.Suckit.Blowisamerefigureof
speech.Imaginethestressthatgaverisetothatgag.)Moreover,whyhastheblowjobhad
adualexistenceforsolong,sometimessubterraneanandsometimesflaunted,before
burstingintoplainviewasthespecificallyAmericansexact?MyfriendDavidAaronovitch,
acolumnistinLondon,wroteofhisembarrassmentatbeinginthesameroomashis
youngdaughterwhentheTVblaredthenewsthatthepresidentoftheUnitedStateshad
receivedoralsexinanOvalOfficevestibule.Hefeltcruciallybetter,butstillshy,whenthe
littlegirlaskedhim,Daddy,whatsavestibule?
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Aceytoldmeshewasatapartyandshesaidtoaman,Whatdomenreallywantfrom
women,andhesaid,Blowjobs,andshesaid,Youcangetthatfrommen.From
CocksuckerBlues,Part4ofUnderworld,byDonDeLillo.

admirethecapitalizationthere,dontyou?ButIthinkAcey(whointhenovelisalso
somewhatDeecey)furnishesaclue.Foraconsiderabletime,thehumbleblowjob
wasconsideredsomethingratherabject,especiallyasregardsthedonorbutalsoas
regardstherecipient.Toopassive,eachway.Toogrungyespeciallyinthetime
beforedentalandotherkindsofhygiene.Tooriskywhataboutthereminderofthe
dreadedvaginadentata(fullymaterializedbytherendingbiteoffsceneinTheWorld
AccordingtoGarp)?Andalsotooqueer.AncientGreeksandRomansknewwhatwas
goingon,allright,buttheyarereportedtohaveavoidedtheoverkeenfellatorsforfearof
theirbreathalone.Andamaninsearchofthisconsolationmightbesuspectedofbeing
unmanly.ThecrucialwordblowjobdoesntcomeintotheAmericanidiomuntilthe
1940s,whenitwas(a)partofthegayunderworldand(b)possiblyderivedfromthejazz
sceneanditsoralinstrumentation.ButithasneverlostitssupposedVictorianorigin,
whichwasbelowjob(cognate,ifyoulike,withthenowarchaicgoingdown).Thisterm
fromLondonswhoredomstillhasafaintwhiffofcontempt.Ontheotherhand,itdidhave
itsadvocatesastheprototypeofEricaJongsziplessfuck:atleastinthesenseofa
quickiethatneedonlyinvolvetheundoingofafewbuttons.Andthentheresthatnagging
word,job,whichseemstohintataplayforpaytaskratherthanatoothsometreatforall
concerned.
Staywithme.Ivebeendoingthehardthinkingforyou.Thethreeletterjob,withits
candoimplications,alsomakesthetermespeciallyAmerican.Perhapsforgottenasthe
LondonofJacktheRipperrecededintothepast,theideaofanoralswiftiewasre
exportedtoEuropeandfarbeyondbyamassivearrivalofAmericansoldiers.Forthese
heartyguys,asmanyaFrenchandEnglishandGermanandItalianmadamhastestified,
theblowjobwasthebeauideal.Itwasagoodandsimpleideainitself.Itwasvaluednot
alwayscorrectlyasaninsuranceagainstthepox.Andthisismyspeculationitputthe
occupiedandthealliedpopulationsintheirplace.Youdosomeworkforachange,sister.
Ivehadahardtimegettinghere.CertainlybythetimeofthewarinVietnam,thewar
correspondentDavidLeitchrecordedreportersswappingnotes:WhenyougettoDa
NangaskforMickeyMouthshedoesthebestblowjobinSouthEastAsia.

tsomepoint,though,theremusthavebeenacrossoverinwhichalargely
forbiddenactofslightlygaycharacterwasimportedintotheheterosexual
mainstream.IfIhavebeencorrectupuntilnow,thisisnottoodifficultto
explain(anditfitswiththedates,aswell).Thequeermonopolyonblowjobswas
theresultofmaleanatomy,obviously,andalsoofthewishofmanygaystohavesexwith
heterosexualmen.Itwaswidelybelievedthatonlymenreallyknewhowtogetthejob
done,sincetheyweretormentedhostagesoftheverysameorganonaroundtheclock
basis.(W.H.AudensNewYorkundergroundpoemtitledThePlatonicBloweven
thoughthereisabsolutelynothingplatonicaboutit,anditlovinglydeploystheword
jobistheclassicexamplehere.)Thiswasthereforeaninducementthegaymancould
offertothestraight,whocouldinturnacceptitwithoutfeelingthathehaddoneanything
toofaggoty.Formanyastraightman,lifeslongtragedyisfirstdisclosedinearlyyouth,
whenhediscoversthathecannotperformthissimplesuctiononhimself.(Inhisstandup
routines,BillHicksusedtospeakoftenandmovinglyofthisdilemma.)Cursinggod,the
boythenfallstothehecticabuseofanyviscoussurfacewithinreach.Oneday,hedreams,
someoneelsewillbeonhandtohelptakecareofthis.Whendraftedintothearmyand
sentoverseas,accordingtonumberlesswitnessesfromGoreVidaltoKingsleyAmis,he
mayevenfindthatoralsexisavailableinthenexthammock.Andthenthewordisout.
Theremightcomeaday,heslowlybutinexorablyreasons,whenevenwomenmightbe
inducedtodothis.
Throughthe1950s,then,theburgeoningsecretoftheblowjobwasstillcontained,likea
sparkofPrometheanfire,insideasecretreed.(InFranceandGreece,tomycertain
knowledge,theslangtermusedtoinvolvepipesmokingorcigaraction.Idontmind
theassociationwithincandescence,butforChristssake,sweetie,dontbesmokingit.I
wouldevenratherthatyoujustblew.)IfyougotholdofHenryMillersSexusorPauline
RagesStoryofO(bothpublishedbyMauriceGirodias,thesameParisiandaredevilwho
printedLolita),youcouldreadaboutoralandotherengagements,butthatwasFrancefor
you.

REGISTRATIONONORUSEOFTHISSITECONSTITUTESACCEPTANCEOFOURUSERAGREEMENT(EFFECTVEJANUARY2,2014)ANDPRIVACYPOLICY
(EFFECTVEJANUARY2,2014).
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