THE VOORMAN PROBLEM

Screenplay
By Mark Gill
Baldwin Li
Based on an
extract from
NUMBER9DREAM
By

PRODUCERS
Baldwin Li
Lee Thomas

David
Mitchell

SCENE 1 - EXT. PRISON - DAY

A man of about thirty five stops at a street corner, he looks
at a piece of paper before heading off in a new direction. He
walks past an enormous wall that almost obscures the sky.
Gothic turrets poke out above the wall. He is dressed in a
suit and overcoat, he carries an umbrella and a laptop case.
He arrives at a gate and presses an intercom button.
waits a few seconds: no reply.

He tries again.

He

The intercom

channel eventually clicks open but no one talks.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

I am Dr. Williams.

Bentley is expecting me.

Governor

Silence.

The black lens of a camera leers at him.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Is anybody there?

He puts his ear to the intercom - distant and eerie chanting

can be heard. After a pause the gate opens by itself.

With a

puzzled look at the intercom he steps through the gate.

SCENE 2 - INT. OFFICE - DAY

GOVERNOR BENTLEY is decrepit, nervous and slightly drunk.
The Doctor stands, looking over the room. The Governor is
pouring brandy into a coffee mug.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY

Doctor.

Please, sit down.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

Thank you.

Clearly appalled, WILLIAMS sits down - the dimly lit office

is an explosion of papers and litter.
chair.

BENTLEY sits in a huge

He starts to screw the top onto the bottle then looks

at his visitor.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
Can I offer you a drink, Doctor?

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
No thank you. I find it affects my
judgement.

WILLIMAS looks at BENTLEY, to see if he takes the hint.

BENTLEY decides to empty the last drop from the brandy bottle
into the coffee mug and disposes of the bottle by dropping it
into an overflowing bin full of empties.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
Chin chin.

BENTLEY knocks back his mug.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
Doctor, let me get to the point.
It has taken some time to find a
replacement psychiatrist - what
with this ever-expanding war on
terror, experienced doctors are
being snapped up by the military.
Prisons are not priorities in times
of war, except if we're housing
extremists. This Government had the
bizarre notion to-"

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
-Governor, the point?

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
The point is (he leans forward and
lowers his voice almost to a
Whisper) the Voorman problem.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY shifts in his chair. The Doctor frowns.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Voorman is a prisoner here?

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
He is.

Voorman is a prisoner who

maintains he is a god.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS
A god.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
Each to his own, I'd normally say,
but he has persuaded the entire
prison population to share his
delusion.

We've isolated him but

it's no use.

The chanting you

heard coming in?

Voorman.
doctor.

The Song of

The inmates are restless

I fear disturbances...

riots.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
I see you have a problem, but howGOVERNOR BENTLEY
-I'm asking you to examine him.

If

you decide he is clinically insane

I can ship him off to the asylum.
WILLIAMS reaches for his notebook.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Of what crime was he convicted?

BENTLEY leans back and shrugs.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY

The computer system - it crashed

last year and all the files were
deleted.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

But how will you know when to

release the prisoners?

BENTLEY is flummoxed.

GOVERNOR BENTLEY
"Release?"

"The prisoners?"

SCENE 3 - INT. INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY

VOORMAN is already seated in an interview room.

He is

straitjacketed with his ankles bound to the legs of the

chair.

His hair is lank and he is unshaven.

doctor with a cool stare.

He fixes the

An empty chair opposite.

WILLIAMS

empties his case. He removes his laptop, then his pen and
notebook onto a table.

He turns and addresses his subject.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

Mr. Voorman... can you tell me how

long have you believed yourself to
be a god?

VOORMAN
I may ask you the same question.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

I do not believe I am a god.

VOORMAN
But you believe yourself to be a
psychiatrist.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Yes.

Ever since I began practising

my profession.

VOORMAN nods considering his response.honlodge productions

ltd registered office: 18 St. Andrews Drive, Heywood, Lanes,
OLlO 2DT

VOORMAN

I have been a god since I began

practising my profession.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

I see.

What does your profession

involve?

VOORMAN
Chiefly, on-going maintenance.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Maintenance of what?

VOORMAN
Of the universe.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
So you created our universe?
VOORMAN
Exactly. Nine days ago.

WILLIAMS weighs this up.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Evidence suggests that the universe
is somewhat older than nine days.

VOORMAN
I know.

I created the evidence1

too.
WILLIAMS sits down.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS

I am thirty five years old 1 Mr.

Voorman.

How do you account for my

memories of last summer 1 my

childhood 1 my-

VOORMAN
-I created your memories when I
created you.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
So everything in this universe is a
figment of your imagination?

VOORMAN

You

Precisely.

this prison 1

reality TV 1 Barack Obama.

WILLIAMS makes notes.

On his pad are the words: "delusions

of grandeur" 1 "Sollipsism syndrome."

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Must be quite a workload.

VOORMAN
Greater than you could ever
conceive.

(MORE)

VOORMAN

(cont'd)

Worse

still, I have to keep imagining

every single last atom, or it all
goes... upoof!U

Up in smoke...

Solipsism only has one L, Doctor.

WILLIAMS looks up quickly eyes narrowing. He subtly closes

his notebook.

Voorman sighs.

VOORMAN
I know you are sceptical, Doctor.
I made you that way.

May I propose

an objective experiment to verify

my claim?
DOCTOR WILLIAMS

What do you have in mind?

VOORMAN
Belgium.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Belgium?

VOORMAN
I don't suppose even the Belgians
would miss it, do you?

SCENE 4 - INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

The WILLIAMS live in a modern apartment.
all over the room.

A TV serves its menu of fear. MRS

WILLIAMS is serving take out food.

on the table.

Unpacked boxes are

A bottle of wine stands

She looks at her husband.

He doodles on his

notebook, the words sollipsism syndrome stand out amongst his

many scribblings.
ongoing war.

The laptop screen shows a report about the

MRS WILLIAMS

Are you OK?

You look worried.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Not worried exactly yet...

MRS WILLIAMS
Is it this new case?

Forcing you

to do the job of a court judge,

it's so unreasonable.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
It's not that that worries me.

In

this country there's little

difference between the prison and
the asylum.

MRS WILLIAMS
Then what is it?

She places a plate of food in front of him.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Is he the slave or the master of
his imagination?

He swore to make

Belgium disappear by teatime.

MRS WILLIAMS
Is Belgium another prisoner?
WILLIAMS starts to eat, eyeing his wife.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Belgium.

MRS WILLIAMS
A new cheese?

10

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Belgium.

The country.

France and Holland.

Between

Belgium.

MRS WILLIAMS shakes her head doubtfully.

Her husband smiles

to hide his annoyance.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Bel-gi-um.

MRS WILLIAMS
Is this a joke?

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
You know I never joke about my
work...

There is a pause, a moment of tension.

MRS WILLIAMS still

shows no sign of recognition.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Right!

The doctor gets up from his seat, he starts to rummage

through some of the unpacked boxes. He eventually finds what
he's looking for and returns.

He opens an atlas book of the

world and starts to flick through the pages.

finds what he's looking for.

Eventually he

His face stiffens.

Between

France and Holland is a feature called the Walloon Lagoon.

He gazes, thunderstruck.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS
This cannot be.
this cannot be

This cannot be...

11

SCENE 5 - INT. INTERVIEW

ROOM - DAY

The chanting can be heard faintly through

interview room.
are closed.

an air vent in the

Voorrnan is humming his song.

His eyelids

A door can be heard opening and closing.

VOORMAN

Hello Doctor.

Will Belgium figure

in your session notes today?

WILLIAMS

ignore this, his eyes are dark and baggy.

VOORMAN

Sleep badly last night, Doctor?

WILLIAMS

glares at Voorrnan. After a moment he begins

emptying his case, yet it is now with shaky hands that he

arranges his materials.

Voorrnan licks his lips.

WILLIAMS

tries his best to ignore Voorrnan.

VOORMAN

Tut tut...

Is that your medical

opinion, Doctor?

I am not a

lunatic, not a malingerer,

demon?

WILLIAMS

but a

Am I to be exorcised?

slams down his notebook and looks at the prisoner

sharply.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

Do you believe you should be?

Voorrnan shrugs.
WILLIAMS

sits down.

12

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Just supposing you are... who you
claim to be

VOORMAN
Say it, Doctor, say it.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
What is a god doing straitjacketed
in a prison?

VOORMAN
What would you do if you were a
god? Spend your days playing golf?

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

So what do you do with your time?

VOORMAN
I seek amusement - in humans.

Take

this war for example: comedy gold.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

I am not a religious man, Mr.

Voorman -

VOORMAN

That is why I chose you.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
- but what kind of god finds wars
amusing?

13

VOORMAN
A bored one.

Yes.

I equipped

humans with imaginations merely so

they can dream up new ways to
entertain me.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Which you choose to observe from
the luxury of your cell?

VOORMAN
I am rather fond of prisons.

And

prisoners are more fun than wellfed congregations.

Yet you amuse

me more than most, doctor.

Your

remit is to diagnose me either a

faker or a lunatic, and yet you end

up proving my omnipotent divinity.
DOCTOR WILLIAMS
Nothing of the sort has been

proven.

VOORMAN
True, doctor true.
decision.

But I've made a

We're going to change

places. You can juggle time,

gravity, waves and particles.

You

can sift through the trashcan of

human endeavour for tiny specks of
originality.

You can watch

glaciers fall and continents

pillaged in your name, while I.. I
am going to make you your wife

smile in a most involuntary way and

partake of the Governor's brandy.

14

DOCTOR WILLIAMS

You are sick, Mr. Voorman. The

Belgium trick stymies me, butWILLIAMS freezes.

VOORMAN whistles the national anthem of France.

DOCTOR VOORMAN

Time has flown... I must be going.

WILLIAMS, now the prisoner, chokes.
WILLIAMS
What-

The new Doctor flexes his new muscles.

The chanting begins

again, low and steady.

WILLIAMS

What have you done to me?

DOCTOR VOORMAN
If you can't discuss things like a
rational adult I'll be left with no
choice but to terminate this
interview.

WILLIAMS
Put me back you... you monster!
DOCTOR VOORMAN
You'll soon learn the ropes.

DOCTOR Voorman clips his bag shut.

DOCTOR VOORMAN
Watch North Korea.

Hot spot.

15

He takes off the glasses and lets them fall to the floor, the
lenses crack.

WILLIAMS
Guards!

Guards!

The door bursts open and DOCTOR VOORMAN shakes his head sadly
at the prison guard, TODD, and leaves.

TODD slams the door

shut and slides the bolts into place.

WILLIAMS
Stop him!

I'm the real Doctor

WILLIAMS!

He... he made Belgium

disappear!!!

WILLIAMS shrieks and twists but being strait-jacketed to a

chair makes his attempts to escape futile.

WILLIAMS

I am Doctor WILLIAMS, Stop him!

He's going to molest my wife!! I am
Doctor WILLIAMS!! I am Doctor
WILLIAMS!!

The chanting which is reaching a feverish pitch and cell bars

are being banged in time.