10 ways to build

good coworker
relationships
By Scott Matteson in 10 Things, July 23, 2013, 1:35 PM
PST // scott_matteson

Good office etiquette helps build the

foundation for a healthy work
environment. Here are 10 tips to make
the most of your interactions with
coworkers.

After working in a variety of companies both small and

large, I have learned how to spot the difference between
committed employees who are in it for the long haul and
temporary faces who will move on down the line. You
can tell the "keepers" based upon how they get along
with others in the office: They engage people in a
professional and respectful manner that adheres to
certain traits. This helps the business's bottom line, since
positive employee interaction drives the organization.
Building employee morale has been a common theme
among management as of late. Company socials and
outings, promoting exercise through walk-a-thons or
friendly weight-loss contests, and other mood-boosting
strategies are fine (although I felt a mandatory highschool-style company rally at one business I worked was
a bit much).
But fancy plans aren't always needed. Sometimes the
simple approach is the best. So I've put together this list
of 10 things I have found invaluable in maintaining
positive relations at work based on the traits I referred to
above. Best of all, these tips don't cost money!

1: Practice common courtesy

This one should be self-explanatory, but I live in New
England, which can be known for standoffish attitudes.
Look, there's nothing creepier than walking down the hall
at work and greeting a coworker with a friendly "Hello"
only to receive a stony stare in response (or no
acknowledgment at all). I'm not saying you should throw
confetti and hand out balloons, but a simple exchange of
smiles and a "Hi" is the first step in forming a
constructive workplace. Make eye contact and refer to
people by name. This is the oil that keeps the engine of
cooperation running smoothly. It doesn't mean you have
to chat over coffee for an hour and it certainly doesn't
mean you have to kiss anyone.
Furthermore, keep in mind office life is much like having
roommates. Don't be the guy (or girl) who left the fish
sandwich in the fridge for two weeks, or finished the last
Keurig cup without opening another box. If your feet
noticeably sweat, sandals at work may be a bad idea.
And so forth.

2: Use effective
communications
Learn who works best through email, phone, instant
messaging, or personal visits and try to utilize these
preferences when engaging your coworkers. Some
people prefer email since they like to keep a written
record of their actions or responses to questions (or they
may be online late at night getting caught up). Others will
value a phone call more since it's a quicker medium of
communication.
I have found email is usually the standard. When it
comes to a powerful email strategy, my four corners are:
1. Always make sure the subject line is helpful (e.g.,
"question about expiration of paid time off" and not
"question") and keep the email as concise and ontopic as possible.
2. Leave people out of emails/meeting requests if they
don't need to attend or be kept in the loop on the
topic, so they won't see your emails as meaningless
spam.

3. If you bring others into a conversation, let them know

why; don't just CC them on a huge email trail. For
instance, you might say, "Jeff, I'm including you
because you have some good insights on foreign
exchange rates and I remember you just got back
from England."
4. Don't reply to previous emails to start a new
conversation unless it has some bearing on the
current topic.
Sometimes we find we're not getting the results we need
from coworkers. Emails and voicemails may go ignored
(or it can seem that way). Think before banging out a
huffy email and cc:ing someone's manager -- this latter
tactic can be a disaster for cordial relations unless other
avenues have been tried first. Maybe it would make more
sense to politely ask your coworker in person about the
issue? They may be too tied up to check messages and
can refer you to another resource in the company. Unless
you have a clear-cut reason to assume someone is
blowing you off, give them the benefit of the doubt. If they
are dragging their feet deliberately, I recommend
approaching your own manager first for assistance.

3: Respect other people's time

Every job is a service job. Whether you work in IT, HR,
Marketing, or Administration, you have something other
people need. It could be know-how in your job role or the
capability to perform certain business functions, like
signing purchase orders.
Unless it's a genuine emergency, don't hover outside
someone's cube/office while they're busy with someone
else, to "wait for them to get off the phone," or finish an
existing conversation; just come back later. They will see
you and feel pressured to get rid of the existing visitor or
end the phone call. Similarly, don't hand off work
requests in the hall, kitchen, bathroom, or outside the
office. (On one occasion, I bumped into someone at the
grocery store on Saturday who asked me to get a new
computer for her at the office and wanted an ETA on the
spot!) The line between work and personal lives should
be respected.
Conduct business operations with others at times that
are convenient for both parties. Nobody should ever
dread running into you, and they certainly shouldn't

depart a grocery store with more tasks on their list for

Monday. The lunch break is an area where people can
really feel pinched. My rule if I approach a coworker with
a business-related question and find them eating lunch is
to excuse myself and leave. It doesn't do them any good
to gobble a sandwich while looking something up for you,
and you probably won't be able to hear them talk with
food in their mouth, either.

4: Help yourself
I worked with a benefits coordinator years ago whose
favorite gripe was about people who asked simple
questions about medical benefits that were right in the
manual. "Yes, it's my job to answer questions," she said,
"but it's silly to have to answer the same stuff that is right
on page one of the book everyone already agreed to
review!"
If you need assistance from someone else at work or
have a question, see if you can look up the
information/try the task before seeking help. Even if you
can do this only partially, it will help and it will earn
respect. For instance, if you need to submit a request to

your network group to open ports in the firewall, research

the ports and the IP addresses of the hosts involved
instead of just emailing them to ask "Can you allow
remote desktop access from outside the company?"
People will know you've done the legwork and will
appreciate that.
Some things are best left to the professionals, of course.
If the other guy on your IT team is responsible for making
DNS changes you could easily perform yourself, you
shouldn't proceed on his turf unless he's given you
permission to do so and is aware of your action.

5: Proceed with caution on

social media
A plethora of social media vehicles come and go;
Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn -- anyone remember
MySpace? However, there's really nothing different about
interacting with coworkers on social media as compared
to the standard rules of real life that have been around
for decades. (Of course, you should review your
company's social media policy to be aware of the
requirements.)

If you do connect with coworkers through social media,

don't engage in inappropriate relationships and don't
present an unprofessional side of yourself. We've all
heard that it's dumb to post drunken Facebook photos,
but a better rule would be to keep any controversial
interests or hobbies separate from your coworkers. Don't
share confidential information about the company or
other workers. Pretend the company president (or board
of directors) is personally following your every move on
social media and act accordingly. Your job and
maintaining the operations and integrity of the company
is the priority. A better option might be to restrict work
connections to LinkedIn and leave Facebook for "real-life
friends," family, neighbors, and so forth.

6: Stay on the level

Treat everyone the same. Office politics can be deadly
and sometimes even unavoidable, but reduce your
involvement in them wherever possible. Don't gossip or
get involved in it when others do. I've seen instances
where bad blood developed among employees who kept
"whispering" rude things about people they didn't like
through instant messaging services. Guess what

happened when one of them left their computer

unattended? Everyone got a free trip to see the VP of HR
and all of them were gone within a few months -- except
the target of their discussions!
The person you hired might wind up being your boss one
day, and your manager might get transferred elsewhere
then transferred back to become the one in charge
again. I have seen both instances happen in real life,
proving that staying on a friendly (or at the very least
neutral) basis with everyone possible is always the best
policy.

7: Don't gripe about work at

work
Everyone vents about the job at times. We are a ventoriented society. Unless you're an ice cream tester or a
gourmet food critic, chances are your job produces
stress. Griping is okay -- so long as you do it to your
significant other, relative, non-work friend, or dog. Keep it
outside the company if you can, though.

There's a line in the movie Saving Private Ryan where

Tom Hanks, the captain of the unit assigned to find and
rescue Private Ryan, tells his subordinates, "Gripes go
up, not down. Always up. You gripe to me, I gripe to my
superior officer, so on, so on, and so on. I don't gripe to
you. I don't gripe in front of you. You should know that as
a Ranger." That's excellent advice. Managers should
never display frustration about the company to their staff.
It will trickle around; that's a guarantee.
Getting paid to complain about work while you're at work
is a little over the top and just fosters an unhealthy
victimhood culture. If there's something you can do, do it.
If not, address it through the healthiest means possible.

8: Put out a welcome mat

Go out of your way to make new hires welcome. Don't
act like you're part of the "Old Timers" network and these
young upstarts are trying to crash the party or intrude on
your home ground. You once lived through the first day
on the job, too. It's not just for the sake of being friendly
and making people feel at home; remember tip #6 that
new hire might be a VP in five years. I'm not saying this

to suggest buttering people up or acting like a conniving

politician so you can maximize your advantages. Rather,
I'm emphasizing that everyone plays an important role in
a business and even the intern building workstations
deserves a "Welcome to the company. Let me know if
there's anything I can help you with."

9: Don't pass the buck

Mistakes will always be made. In IT, they can be
disastrous. I've seen routing loops caused by two
switches linked together twice, servers accidentally
unplugged, Active Directory OUs mistakenly dragged
and dropped and thereby breaking group policies, and so
on and so forth.
It's not enough to acknowledge errors on your part -- but
it can be tricky when you know someone else caused the
problem and management confronts you to explain it. If
your coworker Ted clicked Shut Down instead of Log Off
when disconnecting from the Exchange server and
management wants to know why email is down, "Ted did
it!" is not the best response.

In those instances, I recommend asking Ted to talk to the

boss and explain what happened on his own. If he's
unavailable (or perhaps tied up frantically mounting the
Exchange databases) and someone in charge presses
you for more information, you should describe exactly
what happened. However, do so from the standpoint of
an impartial observer: "Mistakes were made. Ted can
describe what happened better than I, and I want to
make it clear I'm not throwing him under the bus here,
but the server was shut down accidentally. Log Off is
similar to Shut Down on that Start Menu." Don't
respond like a participant trying to bail himself out.
I have found that a post-mortem analyzing disasters like
this and what controls will be put in place to prevent
future occurrences can be extremely helpful in solving
tensions that erupt when things go awry.

10: Follow up with people

Believe me, this one goes a long way. When you've
completed a task involving others, it takes 20 seconds to
bang out an email a couple of days later asking "Did that
work for you?" or "How are things going?" Every time

I've done it this has solidified relations by showing the

other party I care how things turned out, and I didn't just
treat them like a hot potato to be tossed onto a plate and
served to someone else.

Conclusion
These strategies may be common sense, but they can
complement an agenda-oriented workplace (isn't that the
purpose of business?) to help keep the wheels of
business turning in a healthy and productive fashion. If
you have other tips and suggestions I'd love to hear more
in the comments section!

About Scott Matteson

Scott Matteson is a senior systems administrator and freelance technical writer who also
performs consulting work for small organizations. He resides in the Greater Boston area with his
wife and three children.

Full Bio
Contact

See all of Scott's content

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Develop Good
Coworker Relations
Maintain peace and fun at work through
your associations
from Stealth Health

Essential Bonds
You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your
coworkers. Yet you need these guys in more ways than one.
First, you need their goodwill and cooperation in order to
perform your own job well. Second, studies find that
disagreements with coworkers and bad interoffice
relationships deflate morale and impair performance even
more than rumors of layoffs.

ComstockComplete

You don't have to be a Pollyanna, but try to

perform one act of kindness a week, choosing a
different coworker each time.
And third, if youre like most people, you spend more
waking hours at work than anywhere else. Reaching out to
your colleagues or extending an olive branch, if need be
can make your work environment a much nicer place in
which to spend eight (or 10 or 12 or 14) hours a day even as
it increases your job security. (In the event of a layoff,
chances are the office loner or grouch is among the first to
go.)
You dont have to be friends with your coworkers, but you
do need to be friendly. Read on for fresh ways to make work
a kinder, gentler place.
1. Give a happy Hello! in the morning. Do you plod
into the office, eyes down, shoulders slumped, and
immediately start work? If so, youre likely to find that
coworkers ignore you (at best) or avoid you (at worst). Get
into the habit of smiling and greeting your colleagues as you

arrive in the morning or begin your shift. Its really amazing

how fast this little courtesy can thaw chilly workplace
relations.
2. Learn the art of small talk. Ask your coworkers about
their interests their favorite music, movies, and books, as
well as their hobbies, suggests Larina Kase, Ph.D., a
psychologist at the Center for Treatment and Study of
Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.
Showing a genuine interest in them will make them feel
comfortable around you, she says. Once you know what
floats their boat, clip items from newspapers or magazines
to help start conversations. John, I saw this article about
that singer you like, or, Mary, you like to knit, dont you? I
found this great new knitting store not too far from here,
and thought of you right away.
3. Join the office bowling or softball team. Many
offices have them, and theyre a great way to get some
exercise while you get to know your coworkers in an
informal setting.

4. Accept good-natured teasing. Other workers

sometimes play jokes and tease to test what kind of person
you are. So if they poke fun at your new shoes or
mischievously put a racy screensaver on your computer,
dont get angry. Let them know that you love a good joke
even if its sometimes on you. Of course, if the teasing is
personal (about your weight or ethnicity, for example),
makes it difficult for you to do your job, or makes you feel
uncomfortable because of its sexual implications, you may
need to take up the matter with your supervisor.
5. Ask what they think. People love to be asked their
opinion, so go out of your way to ask, What do you think
belongs in this report? or, How do you think I should
handle this situation with client X? Then give the advice
giver a sincere thank-you, even if the ideas are less than
helpful.
6. Sidestep the gossip mill. You dont want anyone
talking about you behind your back, right? So return the
favor. When a coworker sidles up to you bearing a juicy

tidbit of gossip about Bettys office romance or Bills

impending firing, respond with, Really? and then change
the subject or get back to work. If you dont respond, the
gossiper will move on and youll retain the trust and
respect of your colleagues.

Be Amicable
7. When dealing with a difficult
coworker, pretend your kids are
watching. This neat little visualization will
help you keep a cool head. After all, youve
taught your children to be mannerly. With
them watching you, it will be difficult to
stoop to the level of your infuriating colleague.
8. Ladle out the compliments. Did Tom fix
the office copier again? Has the quiet
secretary in the cubicle behind you lost 25
pounds? By all means, compliment your
coworkers on their achievements personal
or professional. Too often, we focus on what
people are doing wrong.

9. Spread your good cheer. You dont have

to be a Pollyanna, but try to perform one act of
kindness a week, choosing a different coworker
each time. For example, one week you might
bring in doughnuts for no reason. Another
week, it might be a card for a colleague
maybe a thank-you note for helping you out
last week, or a light, humorous card for a
colleague who seems down. It can be fun
and rewarding to see a colleagues face light
up for no other reason than you picked them
out of the crowd for a special kindness.
10. Return calls and e-mails
promptly. To win friends at work, start with
good office etiquette. Theres nothing more
frustrating to busy coworkers than to have
their emails and phone messages ignored.
Your silence doesnt just make their jobs
harder; it also conveys an unpleasant message:
Youre unimportant to me.
11. Give credit where credit is due. Dont
withhold credit from deserving coworkers.
Youll alienate them, and they wont be there

for you when you need them (or when they all
go out for lunch). Embrace the attitude that we
all win together, and let others know when a
colleague has done something above and
beyond on a project. Also, if someone
incorrectly gives you credit and praise,
acknowledge the coworker who deserves the
accolades.
12. Heres one for the boss: Always work
at least as hard as anyone working with
or for you. Make it clear that you would
never ask anyone to do a level of work you
wouldnt be willing to take on yourself.
13. Always be on time to show you respect
other peoples time.
14. Express your good ideas in a way that
makes it clear they are not the only good ideas,
but that others may have equally good insights
to add.
15. Talk about your life outside the office
when its appropriate. This will remind the

people you work with that youre a person first,

not just an employee or employer.
16. Assume the positive about what you
dont know. Funny how a team of workers
always think theyre working harder than those
yahoos down the hall, and that the bosses are
clueless. Dont subscribe to that kind of toxic
thinking, even if its rampant. Its a negative
attitude that makes work become miserable.
Instead, assume that everyone else is working
hard and doing their best, even if you dont
know what their work is. You should believe
both in the work youre doing and the
organization youre doing it for. If you cant,
perhaps its time to move on.

Read
more: http://www.rd.com/advice/relationship
s/develop-good-coworkerrelations/2/#ixzz3ElDrvExc