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symbols from which to gain a deeper understanding of the process. Here are a few
patterns to look for to help determine if the Wounded Child is the archetype you most
relate to of all the Child variations.
Deep fear of change
Feeling misunderstood
Cant let go of hurt feelings
Identification with wound or illness
Feeling Broken or worthless
Sensitive to others emotions
Depression or prone to depression
Drawn to pain, tragedy or suffering
The Shadow Wounded Child
The Wounded Child is easily caught up with the victim, getting stuck in the story of
suffering, feeling hopeless, worthlessness and heaviness. Themes of rejection, failure,
unworthiness and longing are all prevalent in this archetypal pattern. The
wounded child can feel abandoned, misunderstood, unloved, uncared for, even by
themselves. They are sensitive to the pain and emotions of others often to the
point of confusing others emotions with their own.
The Wounded Child archetype has experienced some kind of initiatory wound in
their early life. This experience creates a lens through which the Wounded Child views
their circumstances and the motives or actions of others. This usually happens at a fairly
young age when the child is highly impressionable. his experience or string of
experiences acts as an initiation inextricably linking the Wounded Child to the path they
were meant to live. I call this the lens of pain. This lens (created by the initial wound)
through which all things are now experienced colors, defines and shapes the way
the Wounded Child perceives their life. The initial wound creates an opening in the
individual. For the Shadow Wounded Child it becomes an opening for perpetual suffering
and further wounding.
The Wounded Child may have been:
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The pain from this childhood wound will replay itself over and over in the adult
life until the trauma or wound is tended to and healed. Only then can the inner child
mature and develop the gifts that are inherent to the Wounded Child archetype. For
example, if you were bullied at school or picked on by siblings, cousins or other peers you
will continue to feel bullied as an adult by co-workers, friends and other peer groups. If
you were abused by a parent or an adult you may feel abused by your boss at work, the
IRS, the government or any other perceived authority figure. Your reactions to this
perception will match the way you coped with the abuse or bullying as a child. If you
were sexually abused as a child you may perceive your spouse or partner through the
highly distorted lens of your own sexual abuse. You will recreate the dynamics
experienced in childhood with you as the victim. If you suffered a handicap as a child
and needed constant care you will recreate the dynamics of invalid and caretaker in one
of your personal relationships. Pay attention to the this always happens to me type
of experiences. This can be an effective tool for recognizing the Shadow Wounded Child.
The Shadow Wounded Child will blame the wound or wounding on much of their adult
life problems.
There are many ways people perceive being wounded. Here are a few from people I have
interviewed about the Wounded Child. When asked to envision an image of what the
wound of their childhood looks like the descriptions were quite varied and included the
following:
A knife in the heart or back
A black gaping hole in the abdomen
A heart that has been charred and burnt
Broken body parts such as arms and legs in casts
Deformities especially facial deformities
Being surrounded by a black mist
A cut that never stops bleeding
Being stuck at the bottom of deep well or pit
Covered in terrible (and visible) scars
Confined to a bed or wheelchair
Dirty, tattered and lost child who has been uncared for
Discarded like a broken doll
Underneath this compulsive need for validation is a craving and hope for healing
the brokenness. They feel broken as if they were born broken and lacking wholeness.
They spend their lives compensating for this feeling of brokenness by either becoming
highly successful and always put together or they create a life story that keeps them
victimized to someone else or something else hoping others will see and acknowledge or
feel sorry for them. The Shadow Wounded Child hopes that someone or something
OUT THERE will be the answer to their pain. If you have the Wounded Child
archetype you may relate to one of the following as a way to feel validated.
An interest in or connection to emergency personnel such as doctors, paramedics or
rescue workers
Wanting to be hospitalized or to be rescued from danger
Desire to have something terrible happen to you (but not too terrible)
Having physical scars or creating your own scarring
Being ill or having health concerns
Feeling sorry for others sufferings
Turning away from relationships and investing in animals instead
Depression and the Shadow Wounded Child
One of the most common experiences for the Shadow Wounded Child is depression. The
depression acts as a buffer for the intensity of pain, dulling it and making it more
bearable. But eventually, the depression itself becomes woven into the fabric of the
wound until it becomes a reinforcement of unworthiness and hopelessness. The
depression will usually begin around the time of the original wounding when the
hurt and rejection become trapped in the identity of the person. Depression says,
something is wrong with me, with others, with my life or the world that cannot be fixed
or corrected. This sets up the hopelessness that reinforces and strengthens the story of
the wound keeping the individual entrapped. Depression is proof of the Shadow
Wounded Childs brokenness. This feeling of brokenness sets up a pattern of
shame;hame for being depressed, shame for being not good enough, weird, angry,
resentful etc. This shame, unworthiness or hopelessness traps the Shadow Wounded
Child. (Note: This article in no way refutes the physical causes of depression and that it can
be treated using medications but for the purpose of this article the focus is on the emotional
component of depression.)
I want to be loved. . .
I want to be loved. . . is the story of the wounded child. I want to be valued and important. I
want to matter to someone and be seen by others as worthy. All of these are shadow
aspects of the Wounded Child because the Wounded Child cannot make others
love them or see their true worth. This leaves them feeling continuously needy of
others love and acceptance and they seem to never get enough of it. They want to give to
others but feel that the wound prevents them from being able to give so they get stuck in
a cycle of want and emotional impoverishment.
The Enlightened Wounded Child
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of those words that is routinely misused and misunderstood.Letting
go is not forgiveness although forgiveness cannot happen until you let go first.
Forgiveness is what happens when you stop rejecting what you believe to be the
cause of your suffering. My own definition: Forgiveness means making room for more.
What I mean by that, is this: When I am unforgiving I am rejecting the bad thing that
happened and not allowing it to be a part of me. Forgiveness is opening up to the bad
thing and allowing it in. You may be surprised to find relief in this and that it in no way
diminishes the pain but actually validates it in a way that nothing else does. The
Enlightened Wounded Child has a tender and open heart. This makes them open to
wounding but it also makes them open to forgiveness. Forgiveness or the need to
forgive is a theme for the Wounded Child. For the Enlightened Wounded Child
forgiveness is a way of life. Forgiving the past, forgiving the hurt and forgiving the
losses or in other words making room for the past, making room for the hurt and
making room the losses means you dont exactly let it go as much as you widen
your capacity to hold it and end the resistance to it. This is the daily spiritual
practice of the Enlightened Wounded Child.
For example: My own childhood abuse was something that I personally felt had wounded
me and I could not let go of what had happened. I didnt understand then that the wound
or pain, was showing me the way to greater understanding. I rejected the abuse because I
was afraid if I accepted it, it would mean I believed I deserved the abuse. I finally realized
that no amount of validation from others would give me the proof of my suffering better
than me accepting it. I forgave my abuse by opening up my heart to fit it in there with love
and belonging. I could be abused as a child and I could also be loved as a child. I was
trying to make them mutually exclusive because I believed the one canceled out the other.
When I realized I could embrace both a newer truth revealed itself to me: I was wounded
and what happened to me was wrong and that wound was also my gift. I can recognize
that others wronged me and also take responsibility for my pain. The ability to hold the
paradox is part of the development that comes from forgiveness. Forgiveness is a paradox
because by letting go you are also embracing.
Standing in the Fire
The Enlightened Wounded Child discovers that by entering the darkness of their
pain and working through it, that they can stand in the fire of pain and not be
burned. Their capacity to get close to others pain without getting caught up in it, makes
them ideal healers, doctors, nurses, therapists and others in the healing arts. They are
like mountain men who know a particular terrain and can be a guide for others who are
passing through. But this mountain is where the Wounded Child lives and has made their
peace. They have mastered the art of letting go, embracing intense emotions and
being a channel for others to release their pain. Suffering, pain, sorrow, and
depression are all places the Enlightened Wounded Child has been and is not afraid to
revisit. Rather than avoiding it, the Enlightened Wounded Child embraces these
negative aspects of the human experience. They learn that some wounds arent
meant to be healed but to be understood. The darkness becomes depth and the pain is
only a sharpener to maintain keenness and sensitivity. Compassion can then be
developed and the Enlightened Wounded Child is deeply compassionate and caring.
Animals and the Wounded Child
The Wounded Child is often drawn to animals. They may belong to an animal rescue
organization, start their own, or work at a shelter. This love of animals could also be
expressed as an interest in birdwatching or other wildlife or involvement in programs to
protect endangered wildlife. Horses are well known for their therapeutic uses in treating
anything from depression to restoring a sense of purpose for wounded military veterans.
A love of horses is often connected to the Wounded Child. Service dogs are
another form of healing for those who have physical handicaps but what is often
discovered is that the handicapped person is healed emotionally by the
relationship with the service animal. One of the reasons animals are healing is
because animals are present. They are not dwelling on the past or hurrying toward the
next activity. This presence has a healing effect on the Wounded Child who is still
learning to be in the moment where the pain dwells. Animals also serve as teachers to
the Wounded Child to help them understand how to be in the present moment,
how to love unconditionally, and how to accept themselves and their
circumstances completely. In many cases, animals can offer validation and comfort
where human beings fail. Horses and dogs are the most common animals loved by the
Wounded Child but dont discount pigs, cats, ferrets and birds either. Animals can be
used in the shadow too as the Wounded Child pulls away from the world of people,
the perceived source of their pain, and take refuge in the animals thereby avoiding
and even refusing to confront their emotional trauma. The animal acts as a shield
from further wounding but it can also prevent the necessary push that drives a suffering
person to heal.
The Gift of the Wound
How can a wound or pain be a gift? Here is an analogy:
Think of yourself as a perfectly decorated room filled with just the sort of furniture
you like and the colors on the ceiling and walls are your favorite colors. Everything
you need is right here in this room. It is who you are. Except . . . right in the middle of
one of the walls is a huge gash. It has torn the expensive wallpaper and the sheet-rock
is hanging out in clumps. It ruins the room and leaves you feeling exposed and afraid.
Its dark on the other side of the hole and you worry about the demons or monsters
that might come through the hole in the wall. You gather all of your things and move
them to a safer corner. You watch the hole constantly. Fear and anxiety become your
constant companions. Then you wonder if anyone else has a hole in their wall and
you decide that you are the only one who is ruined. That this hole cannot be fixed.
You stop caring about yourself and you stop inviting others into your room because
you are ashamed of it. You try to patch it up but the patch is just as ugly as the hole.
You move a big piece of furniture in front of it but that doesnt work either because
YOU know what is behind it. This hiding of the hole makes you feel like a fraud, that
other people think you have a perfectly lovely room when you know that you dont.
This knowledge keeps you isolated and hungry for love. But one day, when the
loneliness and the craving gets to be too much you venture over to the hole and peer
inside. Its cold and forbidding and you can hear frightened voices echoing inside.
You feel afraid but you are also curious. After a while you get the courage to go into
this dark hole to explore. Each time you enter you experience a terrifying sense of
hopelessness and loss so you back out and retreat to your corner. But you cant turn
away from the hole in the wall. So one day, you brave your way all the way through
the darkness and you enter a hallway. Its dark but you feel less afraid for the first
time. All along this hallway are doors. Each door leads to a different room or space.
Each one is uniquely you. As you peek into these rooms you find huge bedrooms with
fireplaces and stained glass windows, or libraries with books from ceiling to floor.
Some rooms are airy arboretums with birds and butterflies, other rooms are places to
eat and invite friends and family. These are all the rooms that are beyond the hole in
the wall. But the only way to reach them is to go through the dark part and face the
cold and the voices. But you did it once and you can do it again. In fact, you decide to
turn your hole into an opening by cleaning up the edges and nailing on some finish
molding around the sides. When you are finished, it no longer appears to be a
mistake, it is no longer a hole that was torn into your wall but a window or a doorway.
While it remains dark you have the knowledge of what lies beyond that darkness.
This is the gift of the wound.
Capacity to Love Others
In its shadow the Wounded Child is looking for others to love them but the Enlightened
Wounded Child knows that what they really long for is giving love to others. I want to love
is truer for the Wounded Child than I want to BE loved. Unconditional love is part of
the Enlightened Wounded Child and therefore they are brimming with affection
and compassion for others. They are usually the friend that others turn to for
understanding and support. They have a strong desire to understand others deeply and
are usually non-judgmental and openhearted. They have overcome their fears of
rejection and know that they can handle whatever comes their way. The Enlightened
Wounded Child has learned that to Give is to Get. Understanding others is the key to
understanding themselves. Giving love allows the Wounded Child to feel and receive
the love of others freely and unconditionally because they have learned to love
who they are enough to share that love with others. The Wounded Child gains the
sense of connection and belonging that they felt was denied them, when they can be who
they truly are and to be authentic and real. Many a Wounded Child has felt ashamed
of their wound, that it makes them less of a person when in reality it makes them
more. They have more to give, more understanding and more tenderness, rather than
less. The wound when properly recognized and confronted becomes a light of hope to
themselves and the rest of the world.
Conclusion
When transformed from the shadow to the light the Wounded Child archetype is a
powerful example of the resiliency of the human spirit. They are open, tender,
vulnerable and wise. Their life experience has taught them that the pain that once
dominated their life is the source of their compassion, their insight, depth and wisdom.
Tags: abuse[3], archetypes[4], depression[5], forgiveness[6], Healing[7], illness[8],
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5. http://susannabarlow.com/tag/depression/
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9. http://susannabarlow.com/tag/injuries/
10. http://susannabarlow.com/tag/inner-child/
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12. http://susannabarlow.com/tag/sexual-abuse/
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14. http://susannabarlow.com/tag/suffering/
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