Bro Code

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever!
Unless you actually marry her.

2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide
any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very
existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend
out of jail within 24 hours.

4. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "one time in
Montreal", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest
rack you ever saw".

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without
recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!".
(exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The
maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every
point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is

forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child
- within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in
this case.

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10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the
hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away
with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever
speak of it.

11. Do not torpedo single friends.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

13. Before dating a buddy's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants
it, he is however allowed to say, "man, your gonna love the way she licks your balls"

14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing
clean.

15. If a mans zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!
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16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in
fact, even remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if
it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends with in 30 minutes
of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal's boyfriends-
low level sports bonding is all the law requires.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public
wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

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20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of
hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your
friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick
another member of the male species in the testicles.

23. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren't wearing
shirts. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself,
you must jump into the fight. Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends
actions have caused you to think "what this guy needs is a good ass wuppin", in
which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back and enjoy.

24. Friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Case closed.

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat
is up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left
up to the owner of the seat.

26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are
in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy
in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a
bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice
of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is
withholding sex, pending your response.

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Bro Code

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
" Yeah, baby, push it!"
" Come on, give me one more, harder!"
" Another set and we can hit the showers"
" Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just
mean.

32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
both urinating, both waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod
will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive
hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger
cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have
him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime
of passion laws be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a
manor that gives you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one
intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck
off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no
idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the
fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again
before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face,
under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate
hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.

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40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will
anything be celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will
exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then
you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has
formed to use the pisser)
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42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly
another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response
occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking
again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8
or above on the 1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is
oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well.
Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)

46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the
waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the
occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is
required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the
mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock,
paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing,
and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a
girlfriend.

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50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his
money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the
challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be
paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your
buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.
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54. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his
body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In
fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky
movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after
reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make
that object more efficient.

58. There is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in.
(Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear
whitey tighty's. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult
sizes.

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60. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

61. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a
night.

62. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything
which can be perceived as a mattress.

63. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad
because he isn’t talking.

64. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be
funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual
references in a row are just plain scary...

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in
need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)

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Bro Code

70. It is your duty as a heterosexual male to make your buddy aware of any thong
sightings in the immediate surroundings, it is even permissable if the girl is butt ass
ugly, hey nobody wants to go down alone.

71. There are only three times when its acceptable for a man to say "I love you" to
any other man... 1. He's drunk 2. He's dying 3. He's in trouble and it's the only way
out of it (which probably means he's drunk anyway)

72. At no time during a conversation with a buddy on instant messenger is either

man allowed to send smiley faces to the other. This is simply too gay and it makes
you look like a chick.

73. Under NO circumstances are two men allowed to ride together on one
motorcycle/moped. (Exception - your ass better be on the way to the Hospital)

74. Never rent the movie "Chocolat" or "A Big Fat Greek Wedding" unless you know
in advance that you will be getting at least oral sex in return from the chick you are
renting it for. ( Sex is also required to happen)

75. If you are in the other room having monkey sex and you can be heard over the
loud television and through a closed door, then every guy in the house is allowed to
listen and laugh and use it against the other guy for black mail, extortion, etc. in the
future

76. What happens in Montreal, stays in Montreal. Period. No questions asked.

77. It is acceptable to share a bed with another guy if and only if, it is a king-size
bed and there are 2 blankets on the bed. The minute you touch in the slightest way,
you are officially deemed a Homo.

78. If your buddy gets arrested and is going away to prison it is your duty to buy
him soap on a rope.

79. It is perfectly acceptable to use a trashcan for a bong.