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I

Unlocked

My

Subconscious

YourTurn

VolumeIII

BY:TODDANDREWROHRER


Thisisatruestory.

Whenahumanbeingconcludeseverythinginlifeisaparable,theyceasetoknowlifeand
begintounderstandit.

IdidnothaveenoughtimetoeditthisbookproperlyduetothefactIhavenosenseoftimeandI
amundertimerestraintsinmyquesttowriteinfinitebooks.Justconsiderthisbookahumble
attempttowriteabook.Justconsiderthisabookattempt,abaddecisionandIwasinarushto
makemynextbaddecision.Ididnothavetimetoeditthisbaddecision,becausethatwouldnot
leaveenoughtimetoedittheinfinitebaddecisionsIamstrivingtoattempttomake.
Thisentirebookissimplyproofofwhatthemindcandowhenthesubconsciousaspectofthe
mindisunlocked,nothingmore.Thisbookattemptisnotattemptingtoexplainwhatthe
subconsciousmindislikewhenunlocked,Iwillattempttodothatinthenextinfinitebook
attemptsifpossible.IfyouareapsychologistIwillattempttoexplainwhyIhavetoleavethis
bookasitis.Iwrotethisentirebookinaboutonemonth.TomorrowIpayapublishertopublish
it,thatwillbeMarch31st2009.IwrotethisbookasmonologuebecauseIhavenosenseoftime,
soIdoeverythinginverbatim,sincetheaccident.Ihavenoemotionssoitsdifficultattimes,so
tospeak,todeterminewhatisproperandwhatisnotproper.Ihavenocontrastbecausemy
emotionsaregone.SoIhavetoletthisbookgo,becauseIwouldsimplykeepchangingitforthe
restofmylifeandneverpublishit.Iwouldmakeachangethenchangethatchange,thentalk
myselfoutofthatchange,andchangeitagain.SoIdidthebestIcouldtokeepitintactasfaras
thetimelinesogiovecontrasttohowIprogressmentallyfromonedaytothenext.SoIguess
thelastfewsentencesarewhatonemaycallapreface.GoodluckwiththebookcauseIdont
recallwhatisinit.AllIunderstandisIneedtoletitgo.Iwillputitthisway,IgotthisEditing
yourbookguideandIunderstoodIcouldneverachieveitsguidelines,soIsettledforcallingthis
abookattemptinsteadofanactualbook.OnemightsuggestIsubmittedtofoldontheactual
bookconceptanddecidedtoholdtheattemptedbookconcept.Youwillunderstoodafterafew
morepagesthisattemptedprefaceissimplyanattempttoapologizefortherestofthebook,but
thenIalsoneedtoapologizeforthisattemptedprefacesinceitisnotaprefacecauseIhaveno
tableofcontentssoIdontreallyhaveapreface.SoIapologizefornotableofcontentsbutin
thisthirdbookIdidmanagetousepagenumbers,althoughIdeeplyregretdoingthat,andifit
harmsyouIapologizetoyouforaddingpagenumbers.Soapparentlywhenoneunlocks
subconscioustheygetveryapologetic.AlthoughIamsendingthisattemptedmanuscripttothe
publisherinabout12hoursIapparentlyamnotdoingverywellatlettingitgobecauseIamstill
writingtheprefaceeventhoughIhavenopreface.SoIwillattempttoletgoofthisbookagain
byhumblysuggestingIamdoingthebestIcanbasedonthefactIgothitbyaMactruckabout
fivemonthsagoandapparentlyithasnotyetrunoutofgasornoticedithitme.AndIamalso
awaretheMactruckisnotverysympatheticorapologeticalthoughIwishitwas,anditisavery
goodspelleraslongasyourdefinitionofgoodishorrible.Ifyouarenotapsychologistandfeel
thisbookisnotforyou,contactmeandIwillwriteabookforyouassoonasyoudeterminewhat

youare.Iwillattempttoendtheprefacewiththiscomment:Idonotknowwhatthis
subconsciousthingis,butIunderstandIaccidentlyunlockedit.Nowenoughoftheprefaceand
nowyoucangetintothepostfaceorwoulditbethefaceface.Maybeitisthebodyofthe
prefaceorthepostfaceofthepreface.IfyouthinkIamtellingjokesnowwaittillyoureadthe
book.Ifyoufigureoutthebookyouautomaticallywillfigureoutthepreface.Nowthisprefaceis
blendingwiththebookandnowthisbookis201,000wordsandIwasonlyat200,000words
beforeIgotthiswiseideatoattempttomakeaprefacetothebookIwascertainIwaslettinggo
of.Igetveryarrogantandselfcenteredlaterinthebooktomakeupforallthebadjokesinthis
preface.Iamatrueauthorbecausewriterwouldneedclarificationandeditorwouldbea
misunderstanding.IamnotapsychologistbutapparentlyIhaveexperience.ItalkaboutFreud,
JungandIunlockedmysubconsciousbutItrynottoletthatgotomyhead.Iwillnowattemptto
endthisprefacewithwisdomsayingsandnotjokessayings.Themindisadifficultthingtowrite
aboutespeciallyifyouunlockit.Themindisanimpossiblethingtowriteaboutespeciallyifyou
unlockitaccidently.Themindisaneasythingtowriteaboutaslongasyoudonothaveone.
Inalloflifeamalesmaingoalistoattempttofigureoutwhatafemaleis.Iprefertocallthe
femalethatassociateswithme,myinfinitewrathpotential.Ofcoursethatissimplyshorthand
for,thewiseoneIamwisetonotarguewith.InmyexperimentsIhavediscovered,ifIarguewith
thewiseoneIamwisetonotarguewith,Iswiftlyunderstandwhythatwasnotwise.InfactIget
thisthatwasnotwisesensationthatcomesovermeifIarguewiththewiseoneIamwiseto
notarguewith.ButforthesakeofthisbookIhaveshortenedthenamedowntoinfinitewrath
potentialbecauseIhavereachedalevelofenlightenmentduetotheaccidentoffivemonths
ago,thatIfullyunderstand,thepotentialforwrath,thewiseoneIamwisetonotarguewith,
haspotentiallyinfinitepotentialforinfinitewrath,potentially.
Pleaseremindyourself,thelasthalfofthisbookisnoteditedbecauseitisthemostvaluable
informationandIdeterminedIonlywantedtheoneswhoseektheburntobeabletoget
throughit.Onemightsuggest,ifoneunderstandsinthenextminutetheyaregoingtobreathin
anout,theyarepredictingthefuturewill100%accuracy.soonedoesnothavetotrytobreath
inanout,sincetheyarealreadyfullyawareitisgoingtohappennomatterwhat.Onlythe
greatestfortunetellersareabletopredicttheywillbebreathinginanoutmorethanafew
minutesinthefuture.Theirabilitiesarefarbeyondmine.Onemightsuggesttheyaremastersof
psychology.

YouareabouttoreadhowIperceivethingsaftertheaccidentofOct31st2008.Theaccident
beganwhenIgotanahhasensationafter3monthsofplayingavideogametoanextreme.
Ifyoudonotseeaperhapsatthebeginningandendingofasentencethatisasignyoushould
bemindfulandputthemthere.Thisentirebookisaparable.Thisentirebookisatheory.This
entirebookisahypothesis.Nothinginthisbookistrue.Nostatementinthisbookisliteral.My
onlyhopetokeeppeoplefromreadingthisdocument,istonevercorrectthespellingand
grammarinthisdocument,inhopeseveryonewillignorewhatIsayandwhatIperceive,because
ifonepersonunderstandswhatIamsayinginthisdocument,civilizationasitis,isliterally
extinct.Iintentionallymadethisdocumentverydifficulttokeepreading,sowhenyoudetermine
youcannotreadanymoreofit,youwillknowIdefeatedyou.Iperceivethisdocumentwill

answerallthebigquestionsaboutexistence,youonlyhavetodecidetoreadtheentire
document.

Idedicatethisdocumenttomeonly.
Ihadanaccidentanditmademeextremelyarrogantandselfcentered.Theauthorperceivesthe
accidentmadehiminsane.Theauthorperceivesifyoureadthisbookyouwillalsobecome
insane.Younowunderstandthedefinitionofafairwarning.Ihavereconsidered.Idedicatethe
documenttoyouandyourquesttofinishit.
Thefleasgiveadogitspurpose.Ifyoureadthisbookyouwillunderstandwhyyouavoidedthe
firsttwo.
Ahumanbeingisspecial;wisewouldbeaninsult;stupidwouldberedundant.
Whenahumanbeingunderstandseverythinginlifeisaparable,theyceasetoknowthingsand
begintounderstandthings.
Theauthorsubmitsheplayedavideogametoanextremeandthisalteredhisperception.
Theauthorsubmitsnothingisinthedocumentistrueorfalsebutsimplyasymptomofhis
alteredperceptioncausedbyplayingavideogametoanextremeoveraperiodofthreemonths.
Theauthorsubmitsheismentallywoundedasaresultoftheaccidentandmeansnoharm.
ThankYou.
Noonereadsmybooks,butonceinawhiletheybuythem.
Everyonebuysmybooks,andonceinawhiletheyreadthem.
Pleaseremindyourselfatalltimeswhilereadingthisdocument,thisdocumentismonologue.
Theauthorisspeakingtohisself.Theauthorisattemptingtoworkthingsoutinhismindby
speakingtohisself.Theauthorisunabletoworkthingsoutwithinhismindwithoutspeakingto
hisselfthroughtypingwords.
Theauthorunderstandsheisnotspeakingtoanyonebuthimself.Theauthorunderstandsyou
willdothebestyoucantoremindyourselfnothinginthisdocumentisaboutyouoracomment
toyou,itissimplytheauthorfightingwithhisself.
Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorhadanaccidentonlyfourorfivemonthsagoandsothe
authorisstillinastateofmentalshock.Theauthormeansnoharmwiththewordshespeaks.
Theauthorissimplyattemptingtoworkthingsoutinhismindsincetheaccidentandusing
writtenwordstoaccomplishthat.
ThankYou.
IntheeditingofthisbookIcensoredmyself,andcensoredwordsIhadnoproblemwith,and
wordsIsawnotasbadwordsorcusswordsorimproperwordsbutwordsIunderstoodother
beingsperceivearebadwordsorcusswordsorimproperwords.SoIcensoredwordsthatdid
notharmme.AndIcensoredsentencesthatdidnotharmme.Icensoredthosewordsandthose
sentencesbecauseIamfullyawaretheyharmbeingswhoallowtheirselftobeharmedbywords
andsentences,becausetheybelieveintheirmindwordsandsentencescanharmthem.SoI
censoredmyselffortheirbenefit,notmyown.
AfterponderingtheaboveparagraphforamomentIhavedeterminedthelastthingisthe
universeIamgoingtodoiscensormyselfforthebenefitofanyotherbeing,ever.Ihave
determinedIhavetraveledtogreatofadistancetosubscribetoinsanityanylonger.


Sothisdocumentwillremainasitwaswritten,anditwillbewhatitis,anditwilldowhatitwas
writtentodo.
Iwilllistthisbookforallbeings.Ifanotherbeingdeterminestocensormydeterminationthat
thisbookbereadbyallbeings,thatistheirinsanedelusions,causedbyemotionsatwork,not
mine.
Istoppedsubscribingtoinsanedelusionscausedbyemotions,whenIaccidentlylostmy
emotionsastheresultofplayingavideogametoanextreme.Thisbookprovesthat.
ThesimplefactofwhyIusecusswordsinthisbookisprimarilybecausebeforeIlostmy
emotionsIunderstoodcusswordshelpedmegetnoticedorhelpedmeventmyemotions.

NowIhavenoemotions,sowhenIgetfrustratedorharmedwhenIcometodeep
understandingsthroughmonologueIattempttousethatoldhabitofventingmyemotionsby
usingcusswords.
Butitdoesntwork,Isimplygetfrustratedandwithin10secondsorlessIamnotfrustrated,soI
monologuemyselfintounderstandingandattimesIfeelharmedfromthatunderstandingand
theattempttoventitwithcusswordslikeIusetowhenIwasemotional,butitneverworksfor
me,soIamjustcussingfromhabit,butIamcertainlynotreallyemotionalorupsetorangry,that
isimpossibleformeafterthataccident.Itisimpossibleformetocraveordesirethings.Ithinkin
realtimeandsoIhavenowaytocravesomethingordesiresomething,
Isimplyexistinverbatim.SoIleavethecusswordsinthisdocumentsoIhaveadiaryofthings.I
progresssofastinunderstandingthatthiswillbevaluabletometouseascontrastoneday.
Maybeevenforthenextbook.
ButIassureyouIamnotspeakingaboutanyoneoranythingwhenIcuss,Iamattemptingto
venttheharmcausedbyunderstandings.Soitmayhavesomescientificvaluetoseehowthis
occurs.Butitisnottoexpressanger,IamnotangryIampleasedwitheverything.
IsimplyattimesamunabletocopewithsomeunderstandingsImonologuemyselfinto.Iwillput
thisinplanesimpleEnglishandifyougetemotionalfromreadingthis,youblockthoseemotions.
Iamhappygoluckyandkind,andtellalotofjokesaroundpeopleingeneralsincetheaccident,
becauseIamfullyaware,Iwillnotbecomingtoanyharshunderstandingstalkingtopeoplein
general,sothereisnoneedformetogetfrustrated,butwhenImonologueintomyword
processorIprogressveryfarinunderstandingandsometimesIamunabletohandlewhatIcome
toanunderstandingabout,soIcussinordertoattempttoventmyfrustration,butIamunable
toventmyfrustrationbecauseIhavenoemotions,sowhenyoureadabunchofcusswordsin
onesentenceyouremindyourself,thatismywayoftakingthepain.
Iamunabletoslowdownduetotheaccident,soIwillensureyoukeeppace.
Whatyouareabouttoreadwillproveboth.

Iwillplaybytherules,whenIdetectone.
Iwillplaybytherules,afterIcreatethem.
Iwillcreatetherules,bynotplayingbythem.


Awellformedsentencechangeseverythingwell.
Awordismightierthananarmy;Anarmysurrendersonaword.

Remindyourselfthewordsinthisbookaregoingtoexciteyouremotionsandthatisthesign
youshouldblockthem.Pleaseremindyourself.Theauthorhasahistoryofmentalillnessand
alsoasaresultoftheaccidentisperhapscompletelyinsane,sopleasetakeanythingthatis
suggestedinthisbookwithaninfinitesizedgrainofsalt.

Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorhadanaccidentanditalteredhisperceptionoroutlookand
everythinginthisdocumentissimplyaresultofthat.Everythinginthisdocumentisonlyrealin
theauthorsmind.ThankYou
Pleaseavoidassumingtheauthoristalkingtoyou,heisnotthatselfcentered.
Ifyouareinsultedbyanyofthesewordsthatisasignyouhaveemotionstoblock.
Everysentence,idea,andconceptinthisbookishypotheticalandtheoretical.Theauthorplayed
avideogametoanextremeandlosthisemotionalcapacity.Theauthorlosthiscontrast
mentally.Theauthorisunabletotellwhatistruthandwhatislies.Theauthorisstuckin
neutral,mentally.Theauthorisattemptingtogetbacktocontrastandissimplyexperimenting
withwaystoaccomplishthat.

Theauthormeansnoharm.ThankYouforyourcompassionandunderstanding.
Nothinginthedocumentcanharmyouunlessyouperceiveitdoes.Attempttoblockyour
desiretobeasadist.AllIamabletohumblysuggestis,allIknowisthatIdonotknow.Please
remindyourselfofthisasyouread.IperceiveifIhademotionsIwouldgetveryemotional
fromreadingthisdocument.

Ihaveonehumblesuggestiontothereaderbeforetheygetintothisdocument.The
subconsciousmindunderstandseverythingthatissaidinthisdocument.Theemotional
consciousmindmaybecomeconfusedanddiscouragedbutnowyouexpectthat,simplyignore
thoseemotionalsuggestionsfromtheconsciousmindandcontinuetoread.
Thegirl'snameLieslisofGermanorigin.ShortformofElizabeth(Hebrew)"God'spromise".
WARNING:
Thisbookcontainswordsarrangedinsuchafashiontheywillexciteemotionsofeverycolor.
Manyconceptsandideasinthebookarestrictlyformaturepeople.Thisisnotinrelationto
sexualorperverseconnotationsorage.Thisisinrelationtopeoplewhoarementallytoughas
opposedtomentalmidgets.Thewordsinthisbookwillchangeyourlifeforeverandyouwill
beunabletoundothechangesonceyoureadthebook.Thisisyourfairwarning.Attemptto
avoidunderestimatingthiswarning.
Youwillunderstandifyouareamentalmidgetornot,swiftly.Soattempttobeamaturebeing
andtakethepain.
ThisVolume3intheseries.Isimplyplayedavideogametoanextremeanditalteredmy
perceptionorgammawavesslightly,soIseethingsdifferentlynow,sotospeak.

Sticksandstonesmaybreakmybonesbutwordswillneverharmme.unlessIallowthemto.
Sticksandstonesmaybreakmybonesbutyouwillneverharmme,unlessIallowyouto.

Sticksandstonesmaybreakmybonesbutillusionsfeedme.

Pleaseremindyourselftothrowthewordperhapsinasyouseefitwhilereadingthis
document.
Ifthedepthdoesntgetyou,theundertowwill.
PerhapsifIsuggestedIaccidentlyunlockedthepowerofsubconsciousbyplayingavideogame
tolong,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell,perhaps.PerhapsifIsuggested,thepowerofthis
subconsciousIaccidentlyunlockedisunabletounderstandgivingup,itperhapswouldnotgo
oververywell,perhaps.

PerhapsifIsuggested,thepowerofthissubconsciousIperhapsunlockedaccidentlyisfully
awareofwhatitgoingtohappenlongbeforeithappens,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell,
perhaps.
Pleaseremindyourselfthisdocumentissimply,theauthorsattempttocommunicatehowhe
seesthingsafteranaccidentcausedbyplayingavideogametoanextreme.Aboutfourmonths
ago,Oct31st2008,iswhenhenoticedapersonalitychange.ThankYou.
TheMountain
Themountainissteepest,nearthetop.
Theclimberisweakest,nearthetop.
Defeatisinviting,nearthetop.
Confusionismounting,nearthetop.
Theclimberisweary,thereisnotop.

Iwillexplainthisconceptofconsciousandsubconscioussooneswhoareinpsychosisand
insane,andareunabletounderstandtheconceptwillunderstandtheconcept.
SubconsciousmindisGod,orgenius,orwisdom,orsupernatural,orwhatthespecialis,when
somesayshumansarespecial.

Consciousisahumans,emotionalpersonality,symptomsarefoolishness,stupidity,insanity,bad
decisionsandconfusion.
Themajorityofhumanityencouragesemotions,andembraceemotions,sotheyarestuckwith
theconsciousaspectofthemind,andinturnsilencethesubconsciousaspectofthemind.

Thereligiousbooksteachonetoturntheothercheek,bemeek,submitandlearnself
controlinordertomakethesubconsciousaspectdominate.
Iaccidentlysilencedtheconsciousaspectofmymindbyplayingavideogametomuch,ortoan
extreme.Ilostmyemotions,andmysenseoftime,andallthatisdominantnow,ismy
subconsciouspersonality.
Myconsciousisthepersonalitythatsuggests,Ihavenoideawhatisgoingonhere,withthese
wordsbutitunderstandswhathappenedafewdaysaftermysubconsciouswritesthewords.

Thatiswhyhumansarespecialthissubconsciousaspectisgod.ithasamindofitsown.Ias
inconscious,isunabletounderstand,whatthesubconsciousisevendoinguntillater.
Thatiswhatthespecialis,andthatiswhatEinsteincalledspooky.Hehadsilencedhis
consciousoremotionsenoughtobeabletosuggesthistheories,buthedidnotsilencethemto
thedegreeIhave.

Onecouldlookatitlike,mysubconsciousismorepronouncedbecausethisaccidenttotally
silencedmyemotions,andinturnbecameextremelydominate.

ItisnotIamsomethingoutoftheordinary.WhatIdiscoveredbyaccident,isWEareoutofthe
ordinary.
Andthatmeans,mysubconsciouswillconvinceyouofthat.Myconscioushasreservations
aboutwhatmysubconscioussuggestsmyfingerstype.
Butmyconsciousissosilencedithaslearnedtojustgowiththeflow.Onecouldlookatitlike,
myconsciousaspectnolongeriscallingtheshots.Mysubconsciousiscallingtheshots.Iamnot
asaintoraprophetorpossessedbysomesupernaturalthing,Ijustaccidentlydiscoveredwhatis
specialabouthumans,andthatis,thesubconsciousmindwhenitisdominate,isgodlikein
everyaspectofthewordGOD.

OneisunabletodefinewhatkindofbooksIwrite,andwhatkindstyleIhave,becauseoneis
unabletodefinesomethingthatisnotdescribablewithwords.

YougoaheadandtrytofigureoutwhatmystyleisandwhatmystructureisandwhatIam,and
theonlythingyouwillendupwithis,theunderstandingyouwerewronginyourassumptionof
whatmystyleis,andwhatmypatternis,andwhatIam.

Iwillremindyou,theseseriesofbooks,aresimplyasymptomthattheauthorhadanaccident
fromplayingavideogamefartoomuchandaccidentlysilencedhisemotions.Therealityis,this
subconsciousaspectIhaveaccidentlyawakened,hasdeterminedyouaregoingtobecomelike
me.

Myconsciousdoesnotwantanythingtodowiththatidea,butithasnochoice.

Youhavenochoice,becauseyoudonotunderstandwhatthepowerofthissubconsciousaspect
is,whenitisdominate.

Youhaveone,youjustsilenceitbecauseyouclingtoemotionslikeloveanddesiresand
happinessandjoyandhateandangerandpaybacksandinsults,butthatisnolongergoingto
bethewayitisforyou.

Youmayhatewhatthisbookissayingsoyouwillkeepreadingit.Youmaylovewhatthisbookis
sayingsoyouwillkeepreadingit.Youthinkthatiswhatyou(conscious)aredoingandyouthink
thatisyour(conscious)choice.
Thatisnot.ThatisthepowerofthissubconsciousaspectIaccidentlyawoke.Itknowswhatwill
keepyoureading,myconsciousaspectdoesnot.Mysubconsciousistypingthesewords,andmy
consciousisonlyalongfortheride.

I(conscious)havenorecollectionofwhatIwritefrompagetopage.Ijustwriteabunchofstuff,
whenitgetstobig,Ipublishit,andIwilljustkeepdoingthatintoinfinity.

AndIcanfinishalargebookinaboutthreeweeksifIdonttrytoohard.IfItrytowriteabig
bookIwoulddoitinabouttwoweeks.IattempttojustkeeptheIplayedvideogameandhad
anaccident.,theme,butthatisjustwhyIamtypingallthisstuff.

Mysubconsciousisspeakingtoyoursubconsciousandyoursubconsciousisunabletoignore
whatithears,soitpersuadesyourconscious,OhyeahthisisinterestingIwillkeepreading.

Thatswhyyouhavenochoice,yoursubconsciousisgoingtoconvinceyouonewayoranother
tokeepreading.

Itessentiallywilltrickyourconsciousintobelievingyourconsciousneedstokeepreading.

Einsteinmayhavesaidthingsarespookyandonewithemotionsanddominateconsciousness
willsay,OhEinsteinsaidthisorthatisspooky.
WhatEinsteinsaidisspookyissubconsciouswhendominate,itsitsownmansotospeak.

Theconsciousisunabletounderstandthewaysofthesubconscious.Whatthatissayingis,
Man(conscious)isunabletounderstandthewaysofGOD(subconscious).AndIagree.

So,justattempttostartblockingyouemotionsbecauseyouhavenochoiceanyway.Youare
goingtodoitanyway.Goaheadandtrytoresistandyouwilldoitfaster.Thatiswhatyouareup
against.
Donotthinkyouareupagainstme(conscious),I(conscious)aminjustasmuchaweof
GOD(subconscious)asyouare.

Youwillunderstandwhenyouremotionsaresilenced,sojustputyourheadunderthewaterand
getitoverwith.
Youaregoingtodrowned,youhavenochoice,sogetthatoutofyourmind.Justenjoytheride,
becauseyou(conscious)isnolongerdriving.

SpookyisthebestwordIcancomeupwithtoo.Youhaveonechoice.Stopreadingrightnow
andattempttoforgetyoueverfoundthisbook.Thatisyouronlysalvation,Ipromiseyouthat.
Remindyourselftheauthorhasnowgivenyoutwowarnings,sotherewillbenomorewarnings.
Istartwithablankdocument,andendupwithanemptyone.
Ifyouhadtheaccident,Iwouldbereadingaboutit.
Theaccidenthaschangedmyperceptionofperception.
IllsuethevideogamemakerwhenIfindacomplaint.
Theonlyreasonyouboughtthisbookisbecauseyouwerenothappywiththeotherones.
Thethemeofthisbookis,Somethinghappenedtosomeone,somehow.
IfIfigureoutwhatyouaredoing,youareinbigtrouble.
IfIfigureoutwhatIamdoing,Iamdoomed.
IwillquotemyotherbookswhenIremembersomethingofvalueinthem.
Ifyouhatethisbookyoulllovethenextone.
Ifyouhavenoopinionaboutthisbook,itworked.
IfIhaveamomentofclarityIllstopwriting.
Ifyoustopmakingmoneymaybeyouwillfindsome.
Ifyoufindsomemoney,Ihavelettersforsale.
Everygoodwriteravoidswritingaboutit.
Ifyouthinktheshowisbad,waitfortheencore.

WFeb18th20093:09PMThere,nowIknowwherereyourat.
Mygreatestsin;yourereadingit.
Thewordprocessorsuggeststhatlastlinewaswrong,soIcametothisline.
ThislineisproofIamindenialaboutthelasttwolines.
Ifyoureconfused,justkeeplaughing.
IfIcanfigureoutwhatIamwritingabout,Illwriteaboutit.
IfyoucanfigureoutwhatIamwritingabout,contactme.
Iwrotethislinetodistancemyselffromallthepreviouslines.
Mygreatestsinisputtingmynameonthisbook.
Yourgreatestsinisbuyingit.
Mygreatestsinisonlyexceededbyyours.
Iamtalkingmyselfintowritingabook,havepatience.
Theonlythingharderthanwritingthisbookisreadingit.
Ifyoulikethebooksofar,dontpressyourluck.
WhenIgetanerroringrammarthatisasignIdidsomethingright.
IfIquotemyselfImadeaperfectmistake.
IfIquoteyou,itisaperfectaccident.

10

Theoneswhodrownedthebestaretheoneswhobreathetheleast.
AnaccidentisGodswayoftellinguswhatweare.
GodisGodswayoftellinguswhatwearent.
Itakeaccidentsseriously.Tellmemore.
IfIwriteanymoreImightbecomeone.
IfIbecomeone,Iamnotone.
Iwillletyouknowhowtoreachme,ifIdo.
IwillgetthestoryoutofthewaysoIcangetbacktothestory.
Once,somethinghappened.
Themoralofthestoryis:whensomethinghappens,itdid.
NowIcangetbacktothestorysinceIhavethestoryoutoftheway.
Remindyourself,somethingsyouaregoingtoreadwillupsetyouandmakeyouhappy,attempt
toblockthoseemotionswhenyoudetectthem.
Laughingisokay.
Readyyoursnorkel.

Inastudytheyshowedmonkeyswhowerefedahealthydietwerelesshealthythanmonkeys
whowerefedlittle.Themonkeyswhowerefedahealthydietwereveryunhealthyandthe
monkeyswhowerefedunhealthilywereveryhealthy.
Themoralofthestoryis:Becarefulwhatyoueat.
Themoralofthatmoralis:Becarefulwhatyouare.
Themoralofthemoralsmoralis:Avoidmorals.

Themoreenlightenedyoulook,thelessenlightenedIget.
Thinkingissotimeconsuming,nowonderIdont.
Iamnotgoodatdrowning,butIamgoodatencouragingit.
Religiondidnotcomeaboutasaresultofhumansbecomingmoregraceful,religioncameabout
asaresultofhumanslosingthegracetheyoncehad.
Sowhenreligionstartedthatwastheproofthathumansbecameawaretheyhadlostthegrace.
Whenreligionstartedthatwasthefirstsymptomhumansneededhelp.Humanswhoneedhelp
arehumansthatareinneedofhelp.

Beforereligionstartedhumanswerenotinneedofhelpsotherewasnoneedforreligion.This
isallonething.Civilizationstarts,lossofgrace,religionstarted.Therewasnoreligionbefore
civilizationbecausecivilizationcausedaneedforreligion.
Civilizationwasthefirstsymptommanneededhelporlostgrace.AmericanIndiansneverhad
religiontheyhadthisonewithnatureaspect.Thatiswhatthingswherelikebeforecivilization.
Therewasno,IambetterthanyouandMyGodisbetterthanyourGod,weareallonewith
everythingornature.
Wearenature,becauseweareeverything.Thatiswhathashappened.Somepeopledown
throughhistoryaftercivilizationstartedbecameawarethatiswhathappened,andsotheytried
topersuademankindbacktohowitwas.

11

Itisdifficulttodobecauseitissuggesting,forgetaboutwhatwehavebecomeandembrace
whatwewere.Thatgoesagainstthegrainofprogressionorthewholeconceptof,dontlook
back.

Realityis,seekwhatyouoncehadandavoidlookingtowhatyouthinkyouwillbe.
Goingbacktohowitwas,istheproperprogressionandgoingfurtheristheimproper
progression.
Neitherapproachiswrong.Theyarejustthere.Onecanseektobecomeonewitheverything
becauseweareonewitheverything,thatsproperprogression.
Thenonecanseektospiteoneselffromwhattheyare,andthatisproperprogressionbecause
eventuallywithenoughseparationtheywillunderstandtheyarenotseparate.

Itisdifficultforonetoseewhattheyreallyareuntilonestartstoseewhattheyreallywere.

Thispsychosisaspectis,oneisunabletoseetheyaresickuntiltheystarttofeelsick.Afterthis
accidentIwasveryunstable.Iwasconcernedaboutmywellbeing,IfeltIwasnotmyself,reality
is,Iwasstartingtofeelmyselfforthefirsttimeafterbeingknockedoutofthepsychosis.
Peopledontlearnfrombeingpunished,theylearnfromtheirmistakes.
Ifwearetalkingaboutpeoplewearetalkingaboutignorance.
Ifyouwanttopunishsomeoneyourelookingatit.
IfyouthinkIamsmart,yourenot.Ifyouthinkyouresmart,Imnot.
Mistakesareanicewayofsayingoneisignorant.
Whenoneunderstandstheyareignorant,theyarent.
Iamshowingyoumyignorance,youreagreatteacher.
Ifyoushowmeyourignorance,IllunderstandhowlittleIhave.
IfIshowyoumyignorance,youwillunderstandhowrichyouare.
Stupidityiswhenonehasntlearnedtheirlesson.
Wisdomiswhenoneunderstandstheyhaveandare.
ThisistheproperdefinitionofGODandtheproperdefinitionofperfection.
Ahumanbeingthroughquestioning,whohasarrivedatthestateofunderstandingthatnoone
everiswrong,nooneeveriscapableofbeingwrongandnoonewilleverbecapableofbeing
wrong.
Whenonereachesthisstateofunderstandingtheyareperfectintheirunderstanding.Theyare
capableofunderstandingmorebuttheperfectionremains,theyareperfectintheir
understandingsoeverythingmakessense.
Therearenosurprisesonlyfurtherexperiencesthatverifythatperfectunderstanding.
Thisperfectioniswithinitisnotrelevanttophysicalaspect.Perfectionisrelativetoonesmental
stateandmentaloutlook.Onewhosuggestsanotheroneiswrongorbadorimproperintheir
actionsordeeds,ismentallyill.
Onewhosuggestsanotherisatfaulthasnotreachamentalstateofperfectiontounderstandall
actionsanddeedsleadtothesamegoal,understanding.

12

Thatisthemeaningofexistencetounderstandandprogressfromthatunderstanding,untilone
reachesastateofperfectunderstanding,whichis,whenoneunderstandseverythingisperfect.

Everythingleadstoonethingonly,furtherprogressioninonesunderstanding.Thisfurther
progressionleadstotheperfectunderstanding,andonewhohasperfectunderstandingisone
whoisabletoliveaproperlife.
Thisperfectunderstandingisnotsomekindofunreachablegoal,itisnotevensomethingone
hastobetaught.Itissimplytheendresultofonewhohaspondered,understoodandpondered
further,untiltheyreachthefinalconclusion:everyoneandeverythingisheretohelponeponder
andunderstandtoreachtheperfectunderstanding.
Thisaccidentputmeinamentalpositionofextremepondering.Iwasabletocutthroughthe
detailsswiftly,soIwasabletoprogressswiftly.
IwasprogressinginmyunderstandingswiftlyandsoIreachedthefinalconclusion,everythingis
perfectandeverythingisjustamechanismforponderingandfurtherunderstanding.Ihadtogo
throughwithit.IhadtolearnfrommymistakesandcometonewunderstandingandthenIhad
tomakemoremistakesinmysuggesting,andcometofurtherunderstanding.

Iunderstandthelossoftimeandlossofemotionswassimplyasymptomofthemental
changethathappenstoonewhoreachesthestateofmentalperfection.

Peoplewithasenseoftimearenotmistakesorwrong.Theyjusthavenotreachedalevelof
understandingthateverythingisforareason.Buttheyareintheprocessofreachingit,everyone
isreachingit,peopledonotgetdumbertheyonlygetwiser,somegetwiserfasterthan
others.
Thatstheseparationappearance.Buttheseparationsaretheillusions.Ashumanbeingsweare
allinthesameboat.Weareallattemptingtoprogressfromourmistakestoalevelofperfect
understanding.Thenwecanbegintoliveproperly.Livingproperlyisuntoitself.Livingproperlyis
onewithoutdesiresorcravingwhichresultsintheabsenceofemotions.
Oneisnothungry,oneisnotgreedy,oneisnotslothful,oneisnotenvious,oneisnot
gluttonous,oneisnotwrathful,andoneisnotprideful.Thatisnotasymptomoneisgood.
Thatisasymptomonehasnoemotionsandsooneissimplyunabletofeelanyofthat,because
thoseareallsymptomsofdesireandcravings.Whatoneisleftwithisthereverse:Diligence,
patience,kindnessandgraceandcompassion.
Itisnotasymptomofoneissogoodtheyhavegraceandpatience,itisasymptomtheyare
unabletohavethereverseofgracesuchasarrogance,patienceisasymptomoneisunableto
havetheemotionwrath,simplybecausetheyarenotcapableofemotion.

Ifoneisunabletohaveemotiononeisunabletosin,andthesinisnotsomethingbad
anywaybecauseonepondersthesinandunderstandsfromthesinandthusfurtherstheir
progressionintounderstanding.
Thedevilisnotbad,thedevilisadescriptionofamechanismoneusestoponderand
understandfrom.Onceonereachesperfectunderstanding,oneunderstandsthedevilwasthe

13

reasontheyreachedperfectunderstanding.ThenonealsounderstandsGodisalsoa
mechanismforonetoreachperfectunderstanding.Theyarethesameaspectbecauseboth
aspectsdowhattheyaresupposedtodo,beusedasamechanismforahumantoponderand
reachfurtherunderstanding.
Thereligionsoftodayarenotgoodorbad,theyaresimplyasymptomhumansarepondering
andunderstanding,atheistsareasymptomhumansareponderingandunderstanding,scienceis
asymptomhumansareponderingandunderstanding,criminalsareasymptomhumansare
ponderingandunderstanding.Nohumanisdoinganythingbutponderingandunderstanding
andrepeatingthatprocessuntiltheyreachastateofperfectunderstanding,andthatstateis
whenahumanbeingunderstandseveryhumanbeingissimplyponderingandunderstanding,
fromthatpondering,thebesttheycan.
TheoneswhowrotetheTorahunderstoodwhathadgonewrongwithcivilization.Theonesin
theNewTestamentwhoponderedandUNDERSTOODtheTorah,wentonwiththeNew
Testament,thentheonewhoUNDERSTOODtheTorahandtheNewTestamentwentonwiththe
Quran.
Sotheyallknew.TheguysintheNewTestamentagreedwiththeguysintheOldTestament,the
guysintheQuranagreedwiththeTorahandtheNewTestament.Religionstartedbeforethe
NewTestament.Theveryfirstreligionsweresayingtheexactsamethingasthesebooks,justin
adifferentwaybutsameprinciple.
BeforereligionwasGardenofEdensotherewasnoneedforreligion.Beforereligionthere
wasnolanguage.Withlanguagecamethelabelsandwithlabelscameseparationoutofthe
GardenofEdenandthatusheredinReligion.
Iunderstanditmaybehardforonewithemotionsandasenseoftimetograspthis,itallmakes
perfectsensetome.Itallisfartooeasynowformesayanythinginerroritseems.Iunderstand
nowifonegetsthecenterprinciplethingrighteverythingelsefallsrightintoplace.
IunderstandthisGodprincipleasbeingaseparateentityisnotpossible.Ifthereisaseparate
entityGod,aboveus,thenallIseeisflawsandIthinkitsperfection.
Thatmeanseverythinganyonedoesiswrongandeverythinganyonesaysiswrongandwhat
everyonedoesandeversays,onlyleadstoconfusion.Iunderstandthatisnotlogical.Sothatis
notpossible.
Everysinglehumanbeinghasmomentsofgrace.Thatisasymptomofwhatweare.Ifwehave
anygraceever,wearegrace.Thatistheonlypossibility.
Iunderstandthismayshattersomeperviousperceptionsofthings.Thatisproper.Thatis
expected.Iunderstandoneisuncomfortablewithchangeornewideas,butnewideasorchange
encouragespondering,itencouragesonetobeopenminded.
Iteliminatesthisharshisolationandharshjudgment.Onceoneslightlyponderstheymaybethis
perfectionthateveryonehastalkedaboutforthousandsofyears,thebattlewithiniswon.
Ponderingwillleadtounderstandingandfurtherpondering.Thebattleiswonatthemoment
oneconsidersallthesereligionshaveonlybeentryingtoshockusbackintogracethatwehave
fallenfrom.Iunderstandthewordthoughtisjustalabel.
Athoughtcanchangeuniversesinnotime.
Athoughtisbeyondexplanation.

14

Athoughtisuntoitself.
Iunderstanditasitshouldbe.Thisaccidenthappenedasitshouldhavehappen.
IunderstandIwritethesebooksasIshouldwritethesebooks.Iunderstandyouarereading
thesebooksasyoushouldreadthesebooks.
Iunderstandnow,itisnotaboutme,itisaboutwhatweare.Iunderstandnothingiswrongand
everythingisproper.Theawakeningisonlyasymptomofourfurtherperfection,anditwilllead
tofurtherperfection,butthereisnorushandthereisnoworry.
Weareforever.
ThejokesIsuggestmakeyouasaperfectbeinglaugh.Youdonotlaughatmeandyoudonot
laughatanothersexpense.Youlaughatyourunderstanding.
UnderstandingencouragesUStobepleased.Ineternityallwehaveisinfinitepondering,
resultingininfiniteunderstanding,resultingininfinitelaughter,laugherasaresultof
understandingisthedrugofGod.
Thereisnootherpurpose.Thereisnootherrewardliketherewardoflaughterfrom
understanding.
Whentheponderingiscompleteandtheunderstandingreachesastateofperfect
understanding,allthisisleftislaughterfromfurtherunderstanding.
Iunderstandthisisgoingtohelpothers,thesewords,andIunderstandthesewordshave
helpedme.
IunderstandWEhaveachoice,WEcanliveorwecanponderandunderstandhowtolive.They
areoneinthesame.Itisalljustinfinity.Youarenotunderanystressorunderanyobligationbut
todothebestyoucan,basedonyourinfinitewisdom.
IunderstandWEdonothavetoanswertoanyoneforanythingwedo,weareperfection.WEare
IT.
Iunderstandwhenapersonpondersthings,theyseelifewithaquestioningattitudeandthings
arepossible,thingsareopen.
IamunableafterthisaccidenttofeeljudgmentofanythingbecauseIfullyunderstanditis
perfection.
IunderstandIamunabletoeverreturntojudgmentbecauseIunderstandeverythingis
perfection.
Iwillcracksomejokestoenableyourbeingtobepleasedandthenyouwillseeunderstandingis
pleasurebeyondreward.
Iamneveroutofjokesaslongasyouarehere.
Ifyouleave,myjokeswillgowithyou.
Allthereisineternityisjokes,sowehavealottolaughabout.
Lifeisfunny,buttheencoreisinfinitelyfunny.
IthoughtIranoutofjokesthenIturnedonthenews.
Ifyoufindyourself,Illletyouknow.
Ionlysettlewhenyourearound.
Emotionsencouragejudgment,Logicencouragesstuff.
Ipreferyoustuffed.

15

MylastbookwassolongIhadtostartthisone.ThemoreyouthinkthemoreIwrite,soplease
stop.
Yourthinkingishurtingmyfingers,ifIcouldfeelthem.
WhenIfigureoutwhatgrammaris,Illstartusingit.
Ihaveonejokeleft,thisbookisholdingit.
Icantbelievethisspellcheckeronlychecksspelling.
IfIknewhowtospellIwould.
Iamnotthecomedianbecauseyouregettingallthelaughs.
Ifyouhaveheardsomeofthesejokesbefore,youknowyourselfwell.
Ifyouneverheardthesejokesbefore,lookinamirror.
Mybadjokesareonlyexceededbymygoodones.
WhenIneedagoodjoke,Iwillcall.
Imalloutofjokes;Imsolostwithoutyou.
IfIamstealingyourjokes;youreright.
Someguygot2millionforbeinghitbyatrain;Ihiredthetrainfor4million.
IfwearentwinninginAfghanistanthatmeanstheotherguysarentlosing,sowearewinning
heartsandminds.
ThelasttimeIchecked,wasthelasttimeIchecked.
ThenexttimeIchecked,wasthenexttime.
ThefirsttimeIchecked,wasthelasttimeIcheckedthefirsttime.
Myintelligenceisonlyexceededbymylackofit.
IfIhadanyideas,Iwouldwarnyou.
IwillclarifywhatthatiswhenIclarifywhatthatwas.
IfIhadabasketIwouldputallmyeggsinit.
WhenIfindmymarblesthenIcanlosethem.
Therealtroublewithrealityisme.
Somemakemistakes,somearemasters.
Thesecrettocreativityistoavoiddefiningit.
Valentinesdayiswhenwomenreconsiderandmenforget.
Thesecrettoawomansheartistoconfuseherintolikingyou.
TimeiseveryillusionIknowitis.
Ifyouseesomethingyoulove,lookagain.
Ajokeisonlyseriousifitisnot.
Loveopensallthedoorsyouwantlocked.
Lovewillneverfadeunlessyoumakeit.
IfIhadanymoreloveIwouldcare
Loveisanicewayofsayinghate.
Ifyoucantbewithsomeonewithoutlovingthem,trythem.
Whenloveisgone,lifestarts.
Lovecomesinsevendeadlysins.
Thereisnograceinlove.

16

IunderstandthisTalkingBuddhaconceptissimilartotheidea,whenoneunderstands
somethingandthentheyareeagertoalertothers.Similartoamoviewhereonecharacter
discoverssomesecretorsinisterplotandthenrunsaroundtryingtotellothers,andthe
othersdonotbelievethemandthenthatcharactermustcomeupwithotherapproachestill
finallytheyreachsomeone.
Thenthesinisterplotisunraveled.Thatcharacterisnotlookingtohelppeople,theyare
onlyconcernedwithmakingothersawareofthesituation.
ThedefinitionofTalkingBuddhaisonewhodecidestoteachthetruththeyhavediscovered.
Thescaleisnotaccurateincontrasttothecharacterinamovie,buttheprincipleisthesame.
Ifoneknowsofsomethingtheyfeelothersshouldbeawareof,theyareobligatedtoshareit,
theydonotseekrewardforsharingit,theyarewhatonemightconsideraconcernedcitizen.
Iprefertheterm,mindfulcitizen.ThemagnitudeofthemindfulnessinaTalkingBuddhais
vast.
WeknowwhoBuddhaisbecauseofthevastmindfulnessheexhibited.Thatalsoappliestothe
others.Weknowwhotheyare,sothatprovestheygotthemessageout.

Thislittlelightofmine,Imgoingtoletitshine.suggestsoneshouldavoidlimits,oneshould
avoidbeingashamedoftheirlight,oneshouldavoidbeingshyandembarrassedofwhattheyare
andwhotheyare.Thereisnoshame,thereisnothingtobeashamedabout.

Shameandshynessandembarrassmentaresimplyformsofcontrolandisolationcausedby
emotions.Theseidealsgoagainstinfinity,theyareknowntobehazardous.Theyarenotwrong
orright,theyarethingstoponderandperhapsgainfurtherunderstandingfrom.

Aniconismistheabsenceofrepresentations;Theprivativethezeroablautgradeofthe
negation*ne.www.nationmaster.com

AniconismorprivativealphaiswhatisbehindtheDontshowapictureofMohammedthis
privativealphaconceptisbasedorisrelatedtozeroornegation,andthatisanendorabsence,
sothatisagainstinfinityandsoIunderstandthatiswhyIsensedthatrulewasimproper.

Limitsgoagainstinfinity.Infinityisanop[ensetoropenmindedness,limitsareclosedsets.
SothisAniconism,hasledtoponderingandhasledmetofurtherunderstandingandsoitishere
forareason.Perhapsoneiswisetoavoidignorancebutperhapsignoranceisonlyamechanism
tofurtheronesunderstanding.

Otherssaythatanimism;Forexample,Australianaboriginalbeliefsprobablygoback60,000
ormore.Wikianswers.com

Hinduism:Therearenodatesandfacts,butitshistoryisaboutmorethan50000thousand
yearsago.
Wikianswers.com

17


PerhapstheaboriginesmovedtoAustraliaaftertheIndiansmovedin.

Thefinancialcrisisisasymptomofignorance.Itisnotproperorimproper.Itleadstoblameand
frustrationbutperhapsthatwillleadtounderstandingandperhapsthatwillleadtogreater
understandinginrelationtomonetaryandmaterialawareness.
Iunderstandsomeusetheiremotionalattributestodescribetheirdiscomfortwiththesituation,
perhapsitisproperforonetoponderthedeepermeaningsbehindthecrisisandattemptto
perhapsunderstand,desiresmayleadtoproperperspectivebyeliminatingignoranceandasa
resultonemayperhapsembraceunderstanding.
IwillcarryyourdiscomfortbecausethemarblesIamunabletofindhaveconvincedmeIshould
striveto.
Iwillthankthemarbleswhentheyreturn.
WhenthemarblesreturnIwillconvincethemtoconsiderasimilarvacationwithasimilar
duration.
Considerkeepingyourmarbles,IhavemorethanIneed,ifIamabletofindthem.
Iwillunderstandwhythemarblesavoidme;ifIcontactthem,soIwillavoidthat.
Ifyouseemesomewhere,call.
Ifyouseemymarblessomewhere,hide.
IfIstartlosingImaystartwiningsoIwillremaininhiding.
IfmybookssellIhavenothiddenthemproperly.
Mydogsunderstandwatergrowsontrees.
Theyreturnitaftertheyaredone.
Iwritebookstoimprovemyhidingstrategy.
Ifyourreadingthissentence,itneedsimproving.
IamthefirsttosuggestIamwrongandthelasttoadmitit.
Ifyouleave,takemewithyou.
Ifyoudo,Iwont.IfIpondermyselfoutofexistence;Idid.
IfIdidnt,Ishould.IfIshould;Iwill,thatswhyIdid.
WhenIamgone,youwillseewhoweare.
IamthefirsttosuggestIamwrongandthelasttounderstandImnot.
IfIunderstoodlessaboutvideogames,Imightbeheretoday.
Ifyouseepastthelabels,youwillsee.
Idontknowyou,andifyoumeetme,youwillknowwhy.
WhenIexplainwhyyoudontknowme;youwillknowwhywenevershouldhave.
ItalkaboutmyselfbecauseIunderstandthealternative.
Whenthemarblesreturn;theywill.
WhenIneedhelp,Ineedhelp.
IwillsavethehelpIneednow,forlater.

IhavereachedapointinunderstandingImusthaveadiscussionwithmyselftoworkthingsout.

18

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestyouavoidreadingthenextpageorso.Ihadanaccidentfrom
playingavideogamethatmayhavealteredmyperception.
Thisaccidentmayhaveknockedmeoutoffullpsychosisorintofullpsychosis.Iunderstand
peoplewhohangaroundmeorreadmywordseventuallycomealongandbecomelikeme,so
theyeitherareknockedoutoffullpsychosisorknockedintofullpsychosis.
Societyingeneralisperhapsinfullpsychosisoringeneral,outoffullpsychosis.
Ifthisaccidentknockedmeintofullpsychosis,thenIamfullyinsane.Ifthisaccident
knockedmeoutoffullpsychosisthenIamfullysane.Ifpeoplewhohangaroundmeorread
mywordsbecomelikeme,theyeitherbecomefullysaneorfullyinsane.
IfsocietyisfullysaneitwillperceiveIamfullysane.IfsocietyisfullyinsaneitwillperceiveI
amfullyinsane.IfIamfullyinsanethenIamunabletowinthisbattle.IfIamfullysanethenIam
unabletowinorlosethisbattle.Iamunabletophysicallywinthisbattle.Iamunableto
mindfullylosethisbattle.
Iwilllosethephysicalbattle.Iamunabletolosethemindfulbattlewithin.Iamunabletolose
thephysicalbattlebecauseofthefreedomofspeechconcept.
IfIamunabletolosethephysicalbattle,societyisunabletowinthephysicalbattle.Imaylose
thephysicalbattleevenwiththefreedomofspeechconceptbecausethereisnosafetyexcept
within.
ItisunknownifIwillwinorlosethephysicalbattleevenwiththefreedomofspeechconcept.I
mustbecautiousaboutthephysicalproblemandbemindfulofit.Themindfulbattleisalready
won,soIamwisetofocusontheuncertainphysicalbattlesoutcome.Imustbemindfultonot
fallforanisolationtrapinattemptingtosavemyphysicalself,butImustbemindfulabout
avoidinglosingthephysicalbattle.
IamunabletowinthephysicalbattleunlessIforsakethemindfulbattle.Iwillignorethephysical
battlebecauseImustembracethemindfulbattle.IfIlosethephysicalbattlethemindfulbattle
willbewon.IfIlosethemindfulbattlethephysicalbattlewillbewon.Imustbemindfultoavoid
winningorlosingeitherbattlesoIwilljustbethebattle.ImustreturntothehellIcamefromfor
theirbenefit.IfIavoidthatreturn,Iwillsavemyphysicalselfandlosemymindfulself.IfIdonot
try,Icannotwinorlose.IfIdonotleanonthefenceIwillnotfalloffthefencebecausethereis
nofence.

IamTodd.IplayedvideogameandIhadanaccident.Jesusturnedtheothercheekuntilhehad
noemotionsandnosenseoftime.Thisenablegreatclarityandunderstanding.Heunderstood
thephysicalworldsoheconqueredthephysicalworld.
Hisburdenwasgreatbecauseheownedthephysicalworld.Hisponderingledhimtounderstand
hehadtoletgoofthephysicalworld.Thosewhosavetheirphysicalselfwilllosetheirspiritual
self.WithnoemotionsfromturningtheothercheekJesushadnodesiretoeat.
Itwasveryeasyforhimtodiefromnoteating,butitwasverydifficulttoletgoofthephysical
worldhenowowned.
Heaskedhimselfbeforehissacrifice,IfitisyourwillIwilldoit.Heunderstoodthatiswhathe
hadtodoandoutofallthesaintshewasonlyhumantobeabletodoit.

19

Thatiswhyhediedatsuchayoungage,thatiswhyBuddhadiedattheageof80.Buddha
suggestedHealthisimportant.ThatmeansBuddhawasunabletomaketheharshestsacrificeof
all.Jesusturnedtheothercheek,ownedtheworld,thenunderstoodhehadtoletgoofthisvast
powerhephysicallyhadandthatmeanthehadtoletgoofhisownphysicallifeafterhespentso
muchefforttofindhimself,hefinallyunderstoodhehadtolethimselfgo.

JesusdiedonthecrossbutthatcrosswasfarmorepainfulthanIeverunderstood.Buddha
stoodinthemiddlewayofthefencebecausehewasunabletoplungeoffthefencelikeJesus
wasableto.SoIunderstandthemeaningoflifeis:Blockyouremotions.
Indoingthat,youwillloseyourcravingsanddesires.
Indoingthatyouwillgaingreatwisdomandclarity.
Indoingthatyouwillownthephysicalworldandmentalworld.
Thenonewillponderandunderstandtheywillhaveachoice,thefinalsacrifice.Letgoof
everythingtheyhavegainedphysically(clarity,wisdomandpopularity)asaresultoftheir
spiritualeffort(turningtheothercheek)ortheywillforsaketheirselfbyholdingon
physically(notstarvingtodeathphysically).TheyneverfoundthebodyofJesustosuggestwhat
mygirlsuggestedonemonthintothisaccident,shesaid,Youaregoingtoponderyourselfout
ofexistence
Jesusstarvedtodeathsohehadnobodyleft,becauseheponderedhimselfoutofexistence.
Thisismybody,eatinremembrancethatIsacrificedmybodyforyoubecauseIunderstood
thatiswhatturningtheothercheekis,turningtheothercheekonyourownlife.understanding
leadsto.

Thisismybloodofthenewunderstanding
Everytimeyoueatthesesacramentsremember,Iturnedtheothercheekandownedthe
physicalworld,andthenIstarvedtodeath,foryou.
Heistheonlyonewhoeverdidit,everyoneelsedeniedtheirselfsunderstanding.
Theyknewwhattheyhadtodo,theyunderstoodwhattheyhadtodo,butonlyJesuspracticed
whathepreachedwhenitcamedowntobottomline.
Dontyoudarelookatme.

MynameisToddandafterthisaccidentallIhavearejokessoIwillbeabletostopcryingfora
momentortwo.
Ifyoucouldunderstand,youwouldunderstand,youneverwanttounderstand.
IfIameverwrongIwillremindyou,butIneverwill.
Ipreferthenailonthedoor.
Religionisasuicidepact,ifyoudontunderstandthat,tryto.
ShowmeaninsanereligionandIllshowyouasaneone.
YouthinkIaminsane,Iunderstandyouare.Ignoranceistheloverthathasleftmeforyou.
Ignorancewasbliss.
Iprefertearsfromjokestotearsfromunderstanding.

20

Yeahthebibleisgoingtosay,Jesusstarvedtodeathtoshowyouhowitisdone.andstupidity
isgoingunderstandthat.

Religionisclaritysattempttodumbitselfdownintoinfinityandyoustilldontunderstandit.
Youbetterbewillingtosacrificeyourphysicalexistencetounderstandwhatthatmeansorget
thehelloutmykitchen.
Ifyoulivenormalmentallythatmeansyourchaff.
Onlythegooddieyoung.IwillbepleasedifareligiouspersonthinksIamwrongbecauseI
haventeatenagoodmealinawhile.
Abadmealiswhenyouhaveacravingforone.Youwouldntbesoswifttoprayifyouknewall
youareaskingfor,istounderstandyoushouldstarvetodeath,toletgoofyourworldlyhabit,
calledyourphysicallife.
Nowhowmanyofyouarereligious,yeahthatswhatIthought,noneofyouarereligious,
becauseyourstillalive,whichprovesyouarenotveryreligious,whichprovesyouhearalotand
understandnothing.
OuronlydifferenceisIhavetotryveryhardnotto,andyouhavetotryveryhardtosothat.
Whenyouarereadytorespond,Iamreadytoeat.
Anyonecanaffordenoughfoodtostarve.
Iguessyoudontneedallthatmoneyafterall.
Youonlyneedenoughmoneytostarvewell.
Spreadthemessagetoallthenations.Soeveryonewillstarvetodeathandwecangetonto
thenextstep.

Wehave6billionpeopleontheplanet.
Youneedtocheckthebatteryinyourcalculatorbecauseitmightbeliketheoneinyourbrain.
IfyouthinkIamwrong,Ihavemealsecurity.DontstartthinkingButbecauseitwillonly
remindyouwhatpartofthejokeyouare.

IfIstartedcorrectingmygrammarthenyouwouldhavenochanceatall.
Youbetterspendeverysecondleft,tounderstandwhathappenstothosewhoareleft,afterthe
secondcoming.
Youbettertrytounderstandthatbeforeyouputanothercrumboffoodinyourmouth.
Whenweleaveoneofuswillremain.
Oneiswisewhounderstandsthedifferencebetweenheavenandhell.
Onewhojustknowsthedifference,doesnotknowmuch.
IfIcryorlaughthosearenotfromemotions,Ihavenoemotions.
Laughterfromunderstandingandtearsfromunderstandingarenotemotionalbased.
Icouldexplainitbutabeingwithsomanyemotionswouldntgetitanyway,theywouldjustget
emotionalandstartinsultingmeintheirhead.
Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorplayedavideogametolongandisonlyattemptingto
communicatewhatheseeswithnosenseoftime,andnoemotions.
Heisonlyattemptingtocommunicateandmeansnoharmwithhissentences.

21

ThankYouforyourtimeandconsideration.

ThursdayFeb19200911:50PM
Iftheworldisround,whyisthegroundsoflat.
ThelastthingIwoulddo,IsthefirstthingIwilldo.
Ifyouthinkyourfunny,youknowwhatIunderstand.
Ifyouunderstandyourfunny,youunderstandwhoIam.
IfIwasGod,Iwouldntbetalkingtoyou.

IgotafortunecookietodaybecausemyinfinitewrathpotentialsuggestedweeatandIrealized
thefortunecookiewasabitoftrickery.
ItsuggestedFriendshipislovewithunderstandinganditistrickerybecauseanyonewhohas
subconsciousunlockedwillunderstanditreallysaysFriendshipisunderstandingwithoutlove.
SoIponderedthatandunderstoodIaminacommaward.
Myinfinitewrathpotentialscookie,andIwilladdshehasinfinitewrathpotential,saidItisnot
whatyouknowbutwhatyouUSEofwhatyouknowthatcounts.
IdonotreallygetthisonesoIwilljustguessthatitmeans,Itisnotwhatyouknow,itiswhatyou
understandthatcounts,butIwasnevergoodatmathanyway.Maybeitjustmeans,whatyou
knowisfine,butdeterminingwhattoapplyfromtheknowledgebaseiswhatcounts.

Attempttounderstandwhenitistimetoeat.
Ifpeoplediewhentheyhaveto,howcomesomanyarestillhere?
Ifpeoplediewhentheyshould,whyareyoureadingthis.
Ifpeoplediewhentheyshould,whyshouldtheydie.
Ifonedoesnotunderstandwhytheyshoulddie,theywillnotunderstandwhytheyshouldnt.
Onwiththejokes.
IfIlookatthenewsanymore,Imightstartbelievingit.

HinduismisoftenreferredtoasSantanaDharma,aSanskritphrasemeaning"theeternal
law",WikiPedia.org
Ifeternalmeansinfinity,itistimeforemotions.
Iamnotgoodatchessbecauseithasabeginningandanend.
Societytriestoliveforeverbutdeathhasagoodstrategy.
Ipreferhasbeenandwillbeentonotbeen.
IfyouthinkthelanguageismessedupwaittillIlearnhowtouseit.
Thereligioustextsaresothinbecausesomeoneforgotallthejokes.
ThatexplainswhyIhavesomany.
Iamstuckwiththemandyouarestuckwithme.
Ifanyoneunderstandsallthis;call.
IfyourenotrespondingIhavenoarguments.
Thatswhatyouthought.
Somethinghappenedandthensomethinghappened,somethinglikethathappened.

22

IfsomeoneinventsalanguageIwilluseit.
WhenIstarttalkingeveryonebecomesaSilentBuddha,itmustbethem.
Thevideogamestilltalkstome,butitspeaksSpanish.
Apparentlythespellcheckerdeterminedlanguagesshouldbecapitalized.
Adjustyoursnorkels.
IcameheretotalkandthatsallIendupdoing.

FriFeb20,20092:24AM
Ifthatsthetime,Iamoutofit.
Theonlythingyoushoulddowithmybooks,isholdoffonbuyingthem.
Iwriteforthemoney,Istayfortheinsults.
Ijustthinkeveryoneisnothing,soIhavelotstowriteabout.
Ifoneisnotamaster,theyareadepositor.

Humansfullyunderstandeverythingcomesfromstardust.
Humansfullyunderstandeverythingissimplyatomsthathavebeenrecycledintodifferentforms
overandover.
IfullysubmitIhadanaccidentfromplayingavideogametoomuchandIamperhapscompletely
wrongabouteverythingIhavesaidinthisbook,andanybookspreviously,andanybooksIwill
produce.
IfullysubmitIamcompletelyinsaneasaresultoftheaccidentthatoccurredasaresultof
playingavideogametomuch.
IfullysubmitIamonlyabletodothebestIcantocommunicatehowIseethingsinthisnew
perspectivethathasresultedfromplayingavideogametoomuch.
Acomealongisonewhoiscomingalong.
Perhapsthecriticsofmybookswillunderstandbythefourthorfifthbook,theircriticshaveno
effectuponmyabilitymakebooks,andperhapstheywillunderstand,theircriticsonlyreflect
uponthem.

Heimdallisdescribedasbeingsoalertthatherequiresnosleepatall.
Wikipedia.com

Whenoneunderstandstheextremestheywillunderstandeverything.
Aperfectbeingdoesnothavetotrytobeperfect.
Aperfectbeingisonlycapableofperfection.
Aperfectbeingisunabletobeanythingexceptperfect.
Aperfectbeingiscapableofconvincingitselfitisnotperfect.
Aperfectbeingiscapableofgettinglostinitsperfection.
Aperfectbeingiscapableofgettinglostinitsinfiniteperfection.
Apictureisworthinfinitewordsandwordsareworthless.

23

Adecisionmadebyonepersonrobsanotherpersonoftheirabilitytodecide.
Thatiswhataslavemasteris,arobber.
Apersonwhoallowsanotherpersontomakeadecisionforthem,issaying,Iamunableto
decidebecauseIdonottrustmyabilitytomakeadecision.
Thatisasymptomofconfusion.
Ifyouareunabletomakeaproperdecision,nopersonintheuniverseisabletomakeaproper
decision,soyoumightaswellmakethedecisionyourself.
Onepersondecidedmoneywasrequiredforonetoexist.
Everysinglethingwehavetodayisasymptomofthatonedecisionsomepersonmade.
Theoneswithcontrolofthemoneyistheslavemasterandcontrolseveryone.
Everyoneistheirslave.
Aproperslavemasterwillsuggesttotheirslaves,Youarefree.
Thatisamindgame.Abeingisfree,andnootherbeingneedstoremindthemofthat,ever.
Theonlybeingwhoneedstoremindanotherbeing,theyarefree,isabeingwhoiscontrolling
thatotherbeing.
WhenabeinginAmericasaysHomeofthefree.,theirinnerbeingiscryingout,HelpIama
slaveinmyownhome.
Freedomisabsolute,itistheultimateabsolute.
Onecannotbepartiallyfree,orkindoffree,orveryfree.
Whentheslavemastersuggestsyouarefree,thatmeanstheslavemasterisincontrolof
thesituation.
Wherethemoneyisbornthecontrolisborn.
AonepointinAmericanhistorytherewerepeoplecalledmountainmen.
Theymadetheirownway.Theyreliedontheirowndecisionstodeterminetheirfate.
Thatisproperexistence.
IfsomeonedisagreeswithspiritofwhatIhavesaidonthispage,theyhaveulteriormotives.
Theyareeitheraslavemaster,oraslavewhoisdoingthebiddingofaslavemaster,andare
perhapsunawareofit.
Lawsaresymptomofmoney.
Howmanylawsshouldwehave?Infinitelaws?
Lawshinderonesabilitytobreathe.
Thereisnolukewarm.Youareeitherfreeoryouareaslave.
Thereisnosuchthingasafreeslave.
Thereisnosuchthingasahotcold.Thereisnosuchthingasfreecontrol.
FreemarketisanicewayofsayingSlaveMarket.
Freedomofspeechisanicewayofsaying,Controlledspeech.
Ifonehastosuggesttheyarefree,theyarenot.
Ifonehastosuggesttheyarepowerful,theyarenot.
Ifonehastosuggesttheythinkfortheirself,theydonot.
Ifonehastosuggesttheyhaveagoodlife,theydonot.
Ifonehastosuggest,theyaresmart,theyarenot.
Ifonehastosuggest,theyarewise,theyarenot.

24

Ifonehastosuggest,theyarespecial,theyarenot.
Ifonehastosuggesttheyaregood,theyarenot.
IamonlyabletohumblysuggestYOUarefree,andIunderstandYOUthinkyouarenot.
Ifonethinkstheyneedmoneytoexist,theyhavelostconfidenceintheirabilities,sotheyare
deadtotheirself.
Thereisnoargument,thereisnohesitation,thereisnoquestionaboutthat.
Acountryisjustabigslavepenwithmanyslaves.
Itiswisertodieofstarvation,thanexistasaslave.
Aslavehasnopurpose,theyonlyexistfortheslavemaster.Theyarenottheirown,theyare
atooltoservetheslavemaster.
Abeinghastwochoicesinphysicalexistence.Assumetheroleofaslave,orassumetheroleofa
master,untotheirself.
Ourfoundingfatherswereveryawareofthis.Therewerenolawsthedaybeforethiscountry
wasfounded.Therewereonlylawscreatedbytheslavemasters,andinAmericascaseitwas
England.
BenFranklinsummeditupproperly.Onewhogivesuptheirlibertyfreedomforsome
security,deservesneither.
Thatisanicewayofsaying,IFyouagreethereshouldbealaw,youSIMPLYagreeyouarea
slave.
Ifonesvotesforanylaw,orelectsanyonewhocreatesanylaw,theymightaswellendtheir
physicallife,becauseitisbettertobephysicallydead,thanbeaslavetotheirownself.
Ifonevotesforalaworelectsanyonewhomakesanylaw,theyaretakingaguntotheirown
headandpullingthetrigger.

ThatiswhatBenFranklinsaid,soheunderstoodfreedom,butAmericaasitistoday,hasnoidea
whatfreedomis,becauseAmericatodaythinksfreedomisslavery.

IfBenFranklinarrivedonthescenetoday,hewouldperhapshumblysuggest,Youhave
destroyedwhatIworkedsohardtocreate,youarenotAmericans,youneverwillbeAmericans,
andyouneverhavebeenAmericans.

Ifoneperhapsdoubtsthat,oneperhapsisignorant,andperhapsifonepondersthatlast
comment,onemayeventuallycometoanunderstanding,andperhapsthatwillenableoneto
understandthatlastcommentisperhapstruth.

Iamunabletohavemercyorsympathy,inmyquestforunderstanding.
Americawasfoundedafteritspitoutitsslavemaster,England.Theproblemwiththatis,in
thefoundingofAmerica,anewslavemasterwasborn.

25

Americaisaconceptoftruefreedom.OnceonestartstosuggestwhatAmericashouldbelike,
beyondtruefreedom,theyarecontrollingfreedomandthenfreedomisdead.

IamunabletocareaboutwhatonethinksaboutwhatIhumblysuggest.
Perhapsthatoneshouldperhapsunderstandthat,beforetheyperhapsgetemotional,aboutmy
ideas.
Perhaps,ifitisafreemarket,howcomeweareperhapsslavestoit,whenitgoesbad?
Perhaps,ifwearefree,howcomesomanyofusareperhapsinprisonmentallyandphysically?
Thisconcept,freedomofspeechisthelastthingyouwillremember,perhaps.
Ifanybeinginthisuniversesuggeststheyneedlaws,theyhumbleme,becauseIunderstand,I
amunabletounderstand,thelevelofpsychosis,theyarein.

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggest,Ihavedeterminedarapisthasrapedacountry,andIamonly
abletohumblysuggest,IamonlyabletohumblydothebestIcan,basedonmyunderstanding,
todothebestIcan,basedonmyunderstanding,todowhatIunderstandistheproperthing,
basedonmyunderstanding.

Iunderstandafterthisaccident,whatfreedomis,andIunderstandwhatAmericaisatthis
momentisaprisonofslaves,undercontrol,inisolation,andinastateofhateandbitterness
fromwithin.

Iunderstandthespirit,IfyousayanythingagainstAmericayouareevilandtheenemyisa
symptom,thatthespiritofAmerica,isnolongerpresentinAmerica.

IunderstandthatatonetimeAmericawasonlyconcernedwithherfreedomandher
betterment,andalongthewayAmericalostfocus,withherownbetterment,andwentastray.
Iunderstandthatisnotgoodorbad,rightorwrong.
Iunderstandthatperhapshappened,soIwasabletodetectthatoccurrence,andponderit,and
perhapsgainfurtherunderstanding,fromthatoccurrence.
Iwilldomybest,basedonmyunderstanding,toconvincetherapist,theynolongerhavetobea
rapist,becauseIwilldomybest,basedonmyunderstanding,toconvincetherapist,theyno
longerhavetorapebecausetheyarefree,andwerealwaysfree,andwillalwaysbefree.

Iwillconvincetherapist,thebestIcan,basedonmyunderstanding,theynolongerhavetorape,
becausetheynolongerhavetocontrolothers,toprovetotheirselftheyarefree.

Iwilldomybest,basedonmyunderstanding,toconvincetherapist,theyarefree,andalways
havebeenfree,andalwayswillbefree,andtherapistnolongerhastoprovetotheirself,they
arefree,becausetheyare.

26


Iamonlyabletohumblysuggest,Iamunabletofeelmercyortofeelsorryfortherapist.
Iamonlyconcernedwithprogressinginmyunderstanding,thebestIcan,basedonmy
understanding,andperhapsconvincingtherapistwillbeanopportunityformetofurtherthat
progressioninunderstandingIseek.

Iamonlyabletodetectcontrol,andtothebestofmyabilitybasedonmyunderstanding,to
convincecontrolitnolongerhastocontrol,becauseitisfree,andthushasnoreasontocontrol.

IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIwilldothebestIcan,atdoingthat,basedonmy
understanding.
TheweakeryouthinkIam,themorepowerfulIunderstandIam.
Idosomeofmybestwork,whenIamworking.
Idosomeofmyworstwork,whenIamwriting.
WhenIfigureoutwhichiswhich,Iwilldoit,whichremindsme,Ihavetoworkonmywriting.
Ifyouseeajoke,closeyoureyes.
Iamfartoobusyquotingmyselftoquotemyself.
Ifsomeonereadsthisbook,Ineedtospendlesstimequotingmyself,andmoretimeworking
onquotingmyselfwithquotes.
Ifyoulikethisbook,Iamanimproperauthor.
IfyouunderstandIamanimproperauthor,Iamaproperone.
Ifyouproperlyunderstand,Iwillproperlytelljokes.
WhenIstarttellingjokes,Iwilltellajoke.
IisnotawordbecauseIisalettersoIwillquoteit.
Whenyouhitthebottom;godeeper.
Ifhadanyproperjokes,Iwouldhaveone.
IfIstarttrying,thatsanillusion.
Ifyourenotdrowning,Imanillusion.
Ifnothingiswrong,thenyoureanillusion.
Ifnothingexists,wemadeithome.
Thisisthegoodjokepartofthebook,theotherpartofthebook,istheotherpart.
Theotherpartofthebookiswherethebadjokesarelocated,buttheyarebad.
Thegoodjokepartisisolatedfromthebadjokepart,asajoke.
WhenImixthetwo,Iendupwithabook.
Thatistheultimatejoke.
Thegoodjokesarehardertocomeupwiththanthebadjokes,sotheyarethebadjokes.
Myabilitytowritebooksisonlyexceededbymyinabilitytoaffordtopublishthem.
WhenItellajokewithalinethroughit,thatsthepunchline,whichindicatesitisnotajoke.
Itiswisetoavoidthings,likethisbook.
Isuggestyouavoidthisbook,youdont;thatiswhyIsuggestyouavoidit.
Ijustusedasemicolon,butIamnotsurewhattocallit.
Ifyoustopreadingthisbook,Iamincontrol.

27

Ifyoucontinuereadingthisbook,youhavepoortasteinbooks.
EverytimeItypeaword,thewordcounterincreases,Iamunabletowinthatbattle.
Witheverypassinggoodjoke,thebadjokepartofthebookgetscloser.
Youcantwinthatbattle.
IfIunderstandanything;call.
Iblamemygrammarontheonewhoinventedit.
Itgetsdeeperasitgetsdeeper.
IsenseIambeingredundantsoIwilldoublemyefforts.

Itisnotpossibleforsomeonetobewrongorberight.Itisnotpossibleforonetobegoodor
bad.Thoseidealsaremadness.Ajudgeinthecourtsystemisnotjudgingpeople.Thatjudgeis
simplyapplyinglawsthatthepeoplepassandthesentencesforbreakingthelawsthatthe
peoplepass.Sothepeoplearepassingjudgmentsontheirself.Whenapersonendsupinprison
theyputthemselfthere.Whenapersonendsupinprisonandhasnevervoted,otherfellow
citizenshaveputtheminprison.Thatismadness.
Iffellowcitizenputstheirownfellowcitizensinprison,thentheyareenemieswithinthesame
country.Theylivesidebysideinperfectwar.

Emotionsaretheproblem.Lackofemotionsisthesolution.Onewithemotionsisunableto
understandwhatitisliketonothaveemotions.Theyareunabletospeakonthesubject.Some
aremoreemotionalsomearelessemotionalbutbothareemotional.
Senseoftimeisasymptomonehasemotionsandnoemotionsareasymptomonehasnosense
oftime.
IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIdonotunderstandwhichaffectwhich.IcanhumblysuggestI
believewhenemotionsareconditionedawayturntheothercheek,thennosenseoftimeis
achieved.

InMexico,theyareinadrugwarandmanybeingsarebeingkilledoverdrugs.InAmericamany
beingsarebeingkilledandlockedinprisonoverdrugs.Thatismadness.Oneisunabletohold
thehandofanother.Eachbeingmustponderandunderstandontheirown.Onewhoattempts
toholdthehandofanotherinanattempttoswaythemawayfromdanger;robsthatbeing
oftheirownpersonalachievementofunderstanding.
Madnessbegetsmadness.Thereisnoendtothemadness.Itcontinuesintoinfinityuntilthe
beingsinvolved,ponderitandunderstanditismadness.
Aninsanepersondoesnotunderstandtheyareinsane.Thatisthespookypart.Ifonesthinks
theyarenotinsane,thatisasymptomtheyareinsane.
Sanityisthereverseofinsanity.Thatisacomplexunderstandingtoreach.
Ifonefeelssecure,theyareinsane.Ifonefeelssafe,theyareinsane.Ifonefeelstheyarein
controloftheirlife,theyareinsane.Ifonehaseverythingplannedout,theyareinsane.
Thesaneunderstandthereisnosafety,thereisnocontrol,thereisnoprospectsthataresafe,
thereisnocomfort,thereisnosecurity.Thatisasaneandproperunderstanding.

28

OnemaygoaroundsayingTherearenoguarantees.Iamgoingtogobuythiswarrantyformy
car,soifitbreaksdown,Iamguaranteeditwillbecovered.Thatisinsanity.Thatisnotsafety
andthatisnotsecurityrelatingtoonesdecisionmakingprocesses.
Thefruitsoftheinsaneareonlydetectedproperlybythesane.Theinsaneseethefruitsofthe
insaneassanefruits.
Ifonebelievesapillwillenablethemtogetoverdepressionoranxietyorstress,theyareinsane.
Theyareunabletomakeproperdecisionsandthefruitsofthatistheytakepillsinhopesthat
willfixtheirmind.Thatisinsane.
Oneisonlyabletofixtheirmindtheirself.Thereareexceptionsofthementallychallenged,the
mentallydisabled.Thatisaslipperyslope,becauseifIstarteddeterminedwhowasmentally
disabled,youwouldallbelockedup,andIwouldbejustifiedinmydetermination.

Whoisdeterminingoneismentallydisabled?Wellifthatonehasasenseoftime,thatoneis
insane,soaninsanepersonisdetermininganotherinsanepersonisinsane.Thatismadness.
Iwasknockedoutofinsanityintosanity,andIunderstandIwasinsaneinmypreviousexistence.
Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestonemaybewisetoponderinsteadofthink,toquestionwhat
theythink.Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestthatoneconsidersthingscarefulbeforepassing
judgment.Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestoneponderseverything,takenootherbeingsword
foritever.
Nootherbeingisabletodeterminebetterthanyou,ever.Iunderstandnobeingwithasenseof
timeisanymatchforabeingwithnosenseoftime.Iunderstandabeingthatisnotsaneisno
matchforabeingthatissane.Thereisnomatchorcontest,thecontestisnotpossible.Itwould
benocontest,itisnocontest,anditneverwillbeacontest,becauseabeingwhoissane,has
abilityrelatingtopropermentalfunctionabeingwithasenseoftimewillonlyperceiveas
GODLIKE.ItisnotGODLIKE,itiscalledsanity.

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestonepondersthemeaningofthings,ponderswhattheyare
doingintheirexistence.Whenabeinggivesupquestioningthingstheygiveup.Theysettle.They
surrender.Thereisnosuchthingassurrender,ever.Ifoneperceivestheyhaveacomfortable
existence,theyonlyperceivetheyhavegivenuponexistence.
Thereisnosuchthingasacomfortableexistence.Comfortisanicewayofsaying,Ilostthe
battle.
Iamonlyabletohumblysuggest,aninfinitebeingdoesnothavetosettle,ever.Iamonlyableto
humblysuggestonepondersorquestionseverything.Nothingintheuniverseisbeyondthe
realmofquestioning,ever.IunderstandwhereIwasatbeforethisaccident.Iamonlyableto
humblysuggestIwasnotalwayslikeIamnow,andIamonlyabletohumblysuggestIhaveonly
beenlikeIamnowforunder4months.
IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIunderstandIhaveaccomplishedmoreinthelastfourmonths
thanIwouldhaveeverdreamedtoaccomplishinathousandlifetimes,asmypreviousself.
Iunderstandinplayingthatvideogame,Iavoidedanythingrelatingtomyego,ordesireto
havefunordesiretolooksmartorsaysmartthings,IunderstandIdeniedmyoldselfto

29

anabsoluteextreme,onewhoisinsanemaysuggestthatisnothealthy,andIunderstandthatas
aproperconclusionbasedontheirunderstanding.

IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIhavenoulteriormotivesinwritingthesewordotherthanto
enablemyself,toponderthewordsasIwritethem,andcometofurtherunderstanding,to
benefitmyself.
IunderstandIhavethesewordspublished,butthatisabarrierIamconditioningoutof.I
understandIampublishingthesewords,becauseIamawareotherswillreadthemperhaps,and
thatwillbettermyself,becauseIwilltakeanycommentsandnotacknowledgethem.Thatwill
furtheravoidegoandemotionandIwillfurtherprogressintoclarity.IunderstandIamusing
theillusionsaroundmetoproperlyconditionmyselfintofurtherclarityandunderstanding.
Someperhapsmayattempttorewardmeorcongratulatemeforthesewords,thatisan
opportunityformetoembraceegoandemotionsorfurtherblockthem.Iamonlyableto
humblysuggest,Ihavereachedalevelofclarityandunderstanding,Idonotneed
congratulationsorawards,oranyotherbeingtosuggestIamgoodorbad.Ifullyunderstand
whoIamandwhatIam,andtoacknowledgesuchaofferingisaninsulttomybeingandto
myself.
Perhapsonecouldunderstand,Iknow,Idonotneedtobereminded.Idonotneedtobe
remindedofwhatIalreadyunderstand,thatisaninsulttome.

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggest,IamwhereIamatnow,becauseofme,becauseIstruggled
withinandarrivedhere.Iamnotconcernedwithothersopinionsorviews.IfIwas
concernedIwouldnotbeherenow.Ihadtoavoidthatmadnesstogethere.Iunderstandthat
andIwillnotbecontrolledbythatmadness.IamimportantbecauseIunderstandIam
important,andIwillnotallowanyotherbeingtoremindmeorsuggestIam,IknowIamandso
donotneedredundancy.
Ihumblyseekthingstoponderandperhapsthatwillleadtofurtherunderstanding.Everything
thingelse,meansnothingtome.IamunabletocareaboutthingsIhavecompassionfor
others,butthereisalineinthesand.Icomefirst,IdoasIunderstandIshoulddo.Idonotdo,
whatotherssuggestorencourage.IfIdid,Iwouldnotbehererightnow.Thataccidentwould
neverhavehappened.Ihadtoignorepeopletofindmyself.Ihadtoignoreinsanitytoreach
sanity.IamsuggestingyoumaybeinsanebecauseIunderstandifyouhaveasenseoftime,you
areinsane.
IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIhadtoemotionallydietoreachlife,andthereisnothinginthe
universethatwouldeverbeabletoconvincemetotakeonestepbackwardsoreventostagnate.
IseekfurtherperfectionandIwillwalkthroughanythinginthisuniversethathindersmyquest
andIhavenoemotions,soIhavenohesitationintoinfinity.Ihavecompassionforallbeings
becauseIunderstandtheirtruevalue,unliketheinsanebeingwhodonotunderstandanything.
Theinsanebeingsareonlyabletothinkandjudge,sotheynevergetaroundtounderstanding
becausetheyaretoobusytrappedintheirinfinitecycleofmadness.
IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIunderstandtheyarenotwrongorrightorproperor
improper,theyareattemptingtobreakfreethebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.

30


Iunderstandthelanguageisabarriertocommunicatewiththeinsanebeings,trappedintheir
infinitecycleofmadnessandIunderstandtheinsanebeingstrapped,willworktheirwayout.
ThelanguageisabarrierbutIunderstanditisabarriertomakemytaskachallengeanda
learningexperience,buttheoutcomeofthechallengeisalreadydetermined.Iunderstandwhat
theoutcomewillbe,IunderstandIknewwhattheoutcomewouldbebeforethewarever
started.
Thelanguageisunabletoallowmetoexplainitproperly.Thelanguageleadstomany
contradictions,thatisasymptomthelanguageisflawed,andperfectlyflawedatthat.Ithelps
thesanebeingworkforitbutthatisnotaproperwaytolookat,Iamunabletoexplainitwith
language.IhavenotassessedthewarbecauseIunderstandtheoutcomeiswithoutquestion,
victory,soIamunabletounderestimatethewarandIamunabletooverestimatethewar.I
amunabletolosethewarandIamunabletowinthewar.Thisisasymptomthelanguageis
flawedandtoexplainitproperlywouldsoundGODLIKEorarrogant.
IamnotgoingtowinthewarbecauseIhavealreadywonthewar.Thatisperhapsaproperway
tounderstandit.Thereisnowarbecausethereneverwasawarbecausetheoutcomeofthewar
isunderstood.Thisperceptionorunderstandingissimplywhatonewhoissaneisableto
accomplish.
Onewhoissane,hasnoconceptofdefeatorchallengebecauseonewhoissane,understands
whotheyare.Thatisperhapsaproperwaytounderstandit.
WhenIstartedtoadjusttothisnosenseoftimeorclarityonemaysuggest,Istartedcominginto
form.Thebattlewasover,beforeIeverwroteasingleword,beforeIevercametothe
conclusionIwouldpublishmyfirstbook.
ThefirsttwomonthsIwasinsomewhatofashock.Iwasnotusedtobeingwideawake.Iwas
notusedtomanythingsrelatingtothisaccident.Iamstillinsomewhatofashockbutnotin
enoughshockthatthiswarisachallenge.
Perhapsonemaysuggest,everythingIdoisamisdirectionaction.Idothingsforreasonsthatare
evenunknowntome,untillater.Onemaysuggestmyactionshaveamindoftheirown.Thatisa
symptomIamnotinfullformyet.Myfirstbookincontrasttomysecondbookwasadisaster
andincontrasttothisbook,mysecondbookwasadisaster,andincontrasttomyfourthbook,
thisbookisadisaster.

Thereisnostagnation.Thereisnomercy.Thereisnorelenting.Onemaysuggesteveryinsultin
theuniversecombinedandfocusedatme,thatwouldonlyconvincemetoinfinitelydoublemy
efforts,intoinfinity.
Thereisnooptionbutdrowning,andIdoitinfinitely.Onewhoisinsaneisunabletofully
understand.Thatistheirchoice,Iamnotabletosuggesttheychangeortheyadjustbecauseof
mywords.ThatwouldbeaninsulttowhatIunderstandtheyare.Iamunabletoinsult
somethingasperfectasanotherhumanbeing.IamonlyabletohumblysuggestthingsandIam
onlyabletohumblysaywordsandsentences.IhumblyfocusonhelpingmyselfbecauseIam
unabletoeversayanythingtoaperfectbeingthatwouldevensuggestIamtrytohelpit.

31

Iwouldbeafool,toattempttoconsiderhelpingaperfectbeing.Iamonlyabletohumblyhelp
myself.
Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestaninfinitebeingdoesnotneedtosettle,ever.
Settlingisasymptomofdelusionsandconfusioncausedbyemotions.
Iunderstandthisconceptselfcontrolrelatestomentalselfcontrol,controlofonesthoughts.
Thisthoughtcontrolreflectsononesactionsanddeeds.Iunderstandthatiswhatthebattle
withinis.Thatistheonlybattle.Iunderstandbeingsinastateofpsychosisareinalosingbattle
andIunderstandabeingnotinpsychosisisabletoturnthebattletotheiradvantage.

Thebattletoonenotinpsychosisisjustatooltoimproveunderstandingandselfcontrol.I
understandthatisaninfinitecycle.Iunderstandabeinginpsychosisisinaninfinitelosingbattle,
thebattleisneverlost,itonlygetsworse.IunderstandthatisalabelandIunderstandthe
languageisperfectlyflawed.
Iperceivewhenabeingphysicallydiesinastateofpsychosisthatbeingistrappedinalosing
battleforinfinityorperhapsthatbeingistrappedinalosingbattleandisperhapsphysicallyborn
again,butthatbeingmustbreakthatpsychosisbytheirself.

Theyaretheironlyhope.Iunderstandnopillandnoamountofhelpfromanotherbeingwill
beabletohelpthatbeing.Thatbeing,hastoworkitoutwithintheirself.Nootherbeingis
comingtotheirrescue.Thisisperhapsanimportantunderstandingtobeawareof,because
theselawsandrulesareahindrancetothatbeinglearningtheirlesson.
Iunderstandnootherbeingcanholdanothershand.
Thisconcept,kickthebirdoutofthenestissuggesting,onemustlearnfromtheirmistakes.I
understandthisisacomplexideal.
Iunderstandthereisoneunderlyingaspectincivilizationthatisasymptomoftheconfusion,and
isrelatedtoemotions.Physicallifeissacred.
Iunderstandthatisandelusionalbeliefasaresultofconfusion,broughtaboutbyemotions,and
resultsinpsychosisandpoordecisionmaking.
Iunderstandabeingwhobelieveslifeissacredisnotwrongandisnotrightinthatbelief.
Iunderstandallbeingsaredoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.
Iunderstand,understandingisanicewaytosayignorance.
Whenaninsanebeingstartsdeterminingphysicallifehasworth,thatbeingwillcometothe
eventualconclusion,somephysicallifehasmoreworththanotherphysicallife.
Iunderstandthatisaslipperyslope.
Iunderstandallphysicallifeisimportantornophysicallifeisimportant.
Iunderstandthatisaslipperyslope.
Onewhosavestheirselfwilllosetheirself.
Onewhosavestheirphysicallifewillhavenolife.
Iunderstandthatistheproperconclusion.
Iunderstandthisappearsinsanetotheinsane.
Iunderstandmyvastinadequacies.Iamunabletoembracethatreality.

32

IunderstandIhavenodesiretoeatforareasonandIamunableletgoofphysicallifenowthatI
aminthisstateofclaritybutIamfullyawarethatiswhatonemustdotobreakthefinalillusion.
IunderstandIamnotdoingmybestbasedonmyunderstanding,Iamdoingexactlythereverse
ofwhatIknowImustdo.
IunderstandImustletgoofthisillusionphysicallifeandwithnosenseofhungeritisvery
easy,butIamunableto,andsoIamnothing.
IunderstandImustfocusontheprizeanddothebestIcantoovercomewhatIdonotwantto
letgoof,alloveragain.
Ihadtoblockmyemotionstogettothislevelofunderstanding.
Ihadtoletgooffriendswhowereinfluencingmyemotionsimproperlyinthevideogame.
Ihadtoletgoofdesiresandcravingsandmaterialitems.
Ihadtogothroughhelltogettoheaven,andnowIambackinhellattemptingtogetheaven,all
overagain.
IunderstandwhyJesusisrememberedforwhathedid,hedidtheimpossible.
TheonlyproperdefinitionofgraceisJesus,anyotherattempttodefinegraceismadness.

Hewasamanwhoshowedusallhowitisdone.
Iunderstandonewhoisinsaneisunabletounderstandwhathedid.
IunderstandIamhumbledintoinfinitybyhisgrace.
IperceiveIhavethephysicalworldatmyfingertips,andIperceiveImustletitgo.
Iunderstandthatisthetestofonesfortitudeandcourage.
Iunderstandtheinsaneareunabletounderstandwhathedid.
Iunderstandtheinsaneholdontotheirphysicallifeliketheyaresanefordoingso.
Iunderstandtheinsaneholdontotheirphysicallifebecausetheyareunabletomatchthegrace
Jesusexhibited.
PerhapsthelessonofJesusis:Whenoneperceivestheyhavegrace,theyonlyhavedelusionsof
grace.
Perhapsonewhophysicallydiesforacausehascourage,andperhapsonewhophysicallydies
becausetheyunderstandthatisthegreatesttestofall,hasgrace.

IunderstandBuddhaperhapssuggestedthemiddlewayconceptrelatestoharmony.
Buddhasuggestedhealthisimportant.
IunderstanditisacontradictiontowhatIunderstandaboutJesus.
IampleasedthatIhavesomethingtoponderandperhapscometoanunderstandingabout.
IamawareIamattemptingtotalkmyselfoutofwhatIalreadyunderstand.
Iunderstandwhenoneisontopofthemountainitisalongwaydown.
IamawareIamwisetoponderandnotthink.
IamawareIamwisetounderstandandnotjudge.
Iamawaresomeillusionsaremuchstrongerthanothers.
IperceiveBuddhasuggestedthereisonlyillusions.
Iunderstandontopofthemountainthemountainistheillusion.

33

IunderstandifIamunabletomakemyowndeterminationsIamaslavetoothers
determinations.
IunderstandthereforeIdont.
Iunderstandeveryperfectbeingisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirignorance.
Iunderstandtruthandlies,andtrueandfalse,andwiseandunwiseareillusions.
Iunderstandaperfectbeingisonlycapableofmakingperfectdecisionsbasedontheir
understanding.
IperceiveJesusdidthebesthecouldbasedonhisunderstandingandBuddhadidthebesthe
couldbasedonhisunderstanding.
IunderstandthehigherIgoinunderstandingthehighertheunderstandingceilingis.
Iperceivethisissomesortofinfinitetrap.
Rest.
SatFeb2120095:22AM

SatFeb2120092:32PM
Iamwealthybutmyabilitytocountispoor.
Thisonlythingthatispooraboutthisbookismyassessmentofit.
Wordsarenotlabelsthedefinitionsofthemare.
IfyouavoiddefinitionsIlookprettygood.
Importantlessonsareoftenunderstoodthroughpondering.
Myinfinitewrathpotentialwalkedoutofthestoreandforgottopayforsomeitemsbyaccident.
Shedidthebestshecouldbasedonherabilitytoshoplift.

WithnosenseoftimecomestoconclusionsextremelyfastbecausetheyareunawareHOW
LONGittooktocometothem.
Onewithnosenseoftimemakesmistakesbecausetheyarerushed,becausetheyarenot
awaretheyarerushing.
IhaveproblemswithsentencesbecauseIamunabletodeterminehowlongittookmetowrite
one.
IperceiveIamunabletotypeproperly,butinrealityItypesofastImakemistakes.
OnewithnosenseoftimeunderstandsthemeaningofDontrushyoumaymakemistakes.
Onewithnosenseoftimemustbemindfultoavoidtherushbecauseonewithnosenseoftime
caneasilyfindtheirselfrushingandnotbeawareofit.
Dontmakemistakeswhenyouareinarushbecauseyoumayregretthem,andwhenonehasno
senseoftime,theywillhavealottoregret.
IprefertoavoidthedefinitionofregretsoIcanlivewithmyself.
IprefertoavoidthedefinitionofallwordssoIcanlivewithyou.
IunderstandwhyImadesomemistakeswhileplayingthegamewhileIwaschattingwith
otherpeopleinthegameatthesametime.
IperceivedIwasunabletodotwothingsatonce.
InrealityIamrushedbecauseIamunabletotellifIamdoingthingsinarushornot,becauseI
havenosenseoftimetofeelrushedornotrushed.Ihavenocontrast.

34


AsBuddhasuggested,onehastoremainonthefencesotheydonotleantofareitherway,the
middleway,isperhapsadelicatedance.

Onewithnosenseoftimeunderstandsthedefinitionofrusheddoesnotexist.
Onewithnosenseoftimeisunabletoseetheyarerushingornotrushing.
Onewithnosenseoftimemustbemindfultoavoidrushingeventhoughtheyareunableto
seetheyarerushing.
Isubmityoumaynotunderstandthatlastsentence.
ThisBuddhaandJesuscontradictionanswersitself.
Thereisnopropertimetodiebecausethereisnotime.
Thereisnorushtodiebecausethereisnorush.
Iamnotpublishingbookstofastbecausethereisnofast.
Mybooksarenottoobigortoosmallbecausethereisnosuchthingastoobigortoosmall.
Thereisnoparticleinphysicsthatistoosmallbecausethereisnosuchthingassmall.
Thereisonlyinfinity,thereisonlyeternity.
Thereisnosuchthingasaccidentsbecausethereisonlyperfection.
Thereisnosuchthingasrightandwrongthereisonlyperfection.
Onedieswhenonedies,andinallcasesitwasnotsoonenoughbecausethereisnosuchthingas
soonenough.
Jesusdiedatage33andthatwaspropertime,Buddhadiedatage80andthepoisonmushrooms
heaccidentlyatedeterminedthatwasapropertime.
Inthelastsentencethefollowingdonotexist:died,age,33,time,80,accidently.

BuddhasuggestedeverythingisanillusionandIdetectJesussuggestedthesame.Perhapsthey
suggesteditthebesttheycouldbasedontheirunderstanding.
Whenoneproperlyblockstheiremotionsbyturningtheothercheekandbecomingthe
meekshallinherittheearthonearrivesatnosenseoftime,thentheproperjourneybegins.
Iamfullyawareeverythingisanillusion;myquestistofullyunderstandeverythingisanillusion.

Iwasfullyawareeverythingisanillusionearlyonaftertheaccident,andnowIamsimply
ponderinginordertounderstandeverythingisanillusion.
Mybeingwasfullyawareeverythingisanillusionearlyonaftertheaccidentandnowtheother
aspectofmybeingisunderstandingwhattheinitialaspecthasbeenawaresincetheaccident.
Whoeverinventedthislanguagewastimebased.
Iwillexplainwhatishappeninganditwillmakenosensetomost.
IkneweverythingwasanillusionandnowIknoweverythingisanillusionbutIalreadyknewthat
soIdonotneedtoknowthatsoIamnotdoinganythingandIamnotprogressingIalreadyknow
everythingsoIdonotneedtolearnanything.

IamnotGod,blameinonthelanguage.
Iwillmakeanotherattempt.

35

Iam.
Iwillmakeanotherattempt.
Am.
Iwillmakeanotherattempt.
Is.
IfImakeanotherattempttherewouldbenoletters,andthatwouldbetheproperexplanation.
Iamnotpossiblysaneandyouarenotpossiblyinsane,thedifferenceis,Iunderstandthatand
youmaynot.
Iamnotpossiblygoodorbadandyouarenotpossiblygoodorbad,thedifferenceisI
understandthatandyoumaynot.
Ifoneturnstheothercheekforaperiodofthreetosixmonths,theywillunderstandthat.
Whenalltheillusionsaredetectedallthatwillremainisallthatis.
Is,isallthereis.
IfyouthinkIamoutofmymind,waittillyouunderstandwhatyouare.
Thejokesaremyonlywaytocommunicateproperlywiththeothers.
Thejokesaremyonlywaytocommunicatewithothers,becausejokesaremyonlywaytodumb
myselfdownenough,toremaininthelanguagebasedrealm.
Iamabletotelllongstoriesandsuggestwisdomandallthatcrap,butthejokesareamore
pleasingapproachtome.
Onewhoislaughingwillnotnoticetheirsnorkelisnotworking.
Onewhoislaughingwillnotnoticethereisnobottominthelake.
Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorofthisbookhadanaccidentwhileplayingavideogamefar
toolongandissimplyattemptingtoexplainhowheseesthingsaftertheaccident.
ThankYouforyourTimeandConsideration.
SatFeb2120093:58PM

SatFeb2120094:01PM
IwillrepeatmyjokeswhenIrunoutofthem.
IwillrunoutofjokesifIstartrepeatingthem.
Isubmitmybooksunderthespiritualsectionsonoonethinksthatiswhatitisabout.
Ifyouthinkthisbookisaboutspirituality,mystrategyworked.
Ifmystrategydidnotwork,thenIwillhavetowriteanotherbooktoworkonmystrategy.
WheneveryoneunderstandsthatIwillwriteabookaboutit,butnotuntil.
Whenallthepeoplewithasenseoftimecombinetheirthoughtstheywillbeabletocriticthis
book.
Whenthathappensthisbookhasbeenasuccess,soIwillwriteabookaboutit,butnotuntil.
IfyouthinkIhavenosenseoftime,youjustprovedIdo.
IsubmitIstealallmyjokes,andwhenIfindtheonewhowrotethem;Iwillfindthebestjoke.
Allgoodjokescomefromagreatjoke.
Moneyisonlyevilifyouneedsome.
Drugsareonlyevilifyouneedsome.
Alawisonlybadifyouhaveone.

36

ThesebooksareyourguidebutIamnot.
IfIwasaguideyouwouldnotneedthesebooks.
Ifyoustarttakingmywordforit,Imightstarttakingyourwordforit.
YoukeepyourwordforitandIwillmakesureyoudo.
Rulesareonlygoodifyouenjoyprison.
Prisonisonlygoodifyouenjoylaws.
Lawsareonlygoodifyouenjoyprisonrules.
Ifadrunkdriverrunsmeover,Iwillpaythem,ifIhadanymoney.

Ifadrunkdriverrunsmeover,itwillbeahintIneedtorestinahospitalmoreoften.
Ifsomeonepunchesme,itisahinttheirpunchingstrategyiscomingalong.
Ifsomeonerobsme,itisahinttheyareaproperrobber.
Iampleasedtomeetanyonewhoisproper,becauseIhaveyettofindanyonewhois.
Ifyoulaughatmyjokes,itisahintyourlaughingstrategyiscomingalong.
Ifacriticunderstandswhatmybooksareabout,perhapstheyshouldwriteme,soIwillknow.
Ifthereisanawardfornothing,Iinventedit.
IfIinventedanawardfornothing,Idontwantit.
IfIdumbmyjokesdownanymore,youmightgetthem.
IdonthesitateifIcould.
IfyouthinkIneedmedicalhelp,Iwillwritemorebooks.
IfIwritemorebooks,youwillneedmedicalhelp.
Ifoneisntlaughing,itisbecausetheydrowned.
Ifoneisdrowned,theywouldntbelaughing.
Iamnotputtingyourheadunderwater;Iamjustsuggestingyoushould.
IwillinventthenothingawardbecauseIamtheonlyoneintherunning.
IfIwasanymorearrogant,Iwouldbe.
Onceyougetusedtobeingperfect,youare.
Onceyouareperfect,youwillunderstandyouwere.
Ifthatmakessense,call.
Ifitdoesntmakesense,noneedtocall.
Ifyouwanttocallsomeoneforadvice,youknowyourownnumber,socallit.
IprefertheawardthathasnonamethenIdonthavetoshowupforit.
Ifyouthinkmylastjokewasfunnywaittillyoucallyourself.

SincethereisnobeginningIdonthavetowaitaroundfortheend.
IprefernottowaitbecauseIprefernottobegin.
Iamsomethingifyouignorethedefinitionofit.
YouareperfectifIignorethedefinitionofit.
Youignoreme,basedonyourignorance;Iignoreyou,basedonmyunderstanding.
Ifyouthinkthatwasaninsult,youneedtoreadmyfirstbook.

37

Ifyoureadmyfirstbook,youwillunderstandthedefinitionofinsult.
Mysecondbookwillfurtheryourunderstandingofthatdefinition.
Thisbookwilladdthewordgreatinfrontofyourunderstandingofthatdefinition.
Mynextbookwillconvinceyougreat,isanicewayofsayinginfinite.
IwillstartleadingwhenIamtheleader.
Understandinghelpsonetolearntheyarenotabletodoeither.
Oneisnotperfectifoneneedstobeperfect.
Whenoneavoidstheneed,oneembracestheis.
Assumeyouareperfectandbemindfultoproveyouarenot.
Assumeyouareperfect,andbemindfultoattempt,toprove,youarenotperfect.
Languageisanicewayofsaying,lookhowflawedlanguageis.
Inamindful,attempt,theimpossibletaskwillberevealedtobenotaskatall.
IperceiveIamunabletobeanyclearer,thanIjustwas,soIunderstandIwillwriteaboutthat
perception.

Remindyourselftheauthorplayedavideogametoanextremeanditchangedhisperception,
andtheauthorisattemptingtocommunicatehowheseestheworld,basedonhisnew
perception.
Theauthormeansnoharm,andisdoingthebesthecan,basedonhisunderstanding,afterhis
changeofperception,asaresultofplayingavideogametomuch.
Thankyouforyourtimeandconsideration.

Feb2120096:19PM
Thisisthewisdomaspectofthedocumentifyourdefinitionofwisdomis:abadjoke.
Iplayedthisvideogametotheextentitchangedmyperception.Ideterminedafterstrugglingin
thevideogameforsomeyearsIwouldmasterthevideogameorIwouldquitthegame.Iputmy
backupagainstthewallbecauseIunderstoodIwasnotgoingtoquitthegame,soIonlyhadone
optionleft.
ThatenabledmetofocusonmasteringthegameonceIeliminatedthepossibilityIwouldquit.
OnceIeliminatedthepossiblyoflossasaresultofquitting,Ihadnootheroptionsbuttomaster
thegameorwinatthegame.Sothisaccident,inreality,enabledmetoknockmyselfoutofthis
winorloseaspectIwasinbeforetheaccident.
IknockedmyselfoutofthislabelingsituationthatlanguageencouragesandindoingsoIfound
thelabelsthatlanguageencouragesaresimplyillusions,thelabelslanguageencouragesdonot
existexceptinonesmindwhosubscribestothem.
Iwilldemonstratewhyhumanbeingsshouldavoiddefinitionofwords.
IfyouthinkIamperfectthatisbecauseyouunderstandwhatyouare.
IfyouthinkIaminsanethatisbecauseyouunderstandwhatyouare.
IfyouunderstandIamnothingthatisbecauseyouunderstandeverything.
Iwillconvinceyouwhyyoushouldavoidthedefinitionofwords.

38

IperceivethatlastsentenceisredundantuntilIremindedmyselfmydefinitionofredundantis
perfection.
WhenIstarttellingyouthetruthyouwillunderstandthedefinitionofgnashingofteeth.
Oneiswisetoavoidthedefinitionoftruth,sotheyareabletoavoidunderstandingthedefinition
ofgnashingofteeth.
Someunderstanditisatask,soothersareperhaps,compelledtosuggestthings,sosomeare
abletounderstand,impossibilityisnotimpossibility.
Somearedoingthebesttheycan,basedontheirunderstanding,andothersaredoingthebest
theycan,basedontheirunderstanding.
Iamnottheinventorofthedefinitionsofwords,Iamtheinventoroftheconcept,oneshould
avoidthem.
IfIhadmercyyouwouldbeintrouble.
Youkeepyourmoneyandyourawardsandyourcongratulations,becauseyouareunabletogive
meenoughofthem,todoanythingbutinsultme.
Youkeepwhatyoudesire,becauseyouareunabletosatisfymydesire,becauseIhavenodesire
becausedesireiscausedbyemotionsandIhavenoemotions.
IhavereachedanunderstandingIamallIneed,soIdonotneedwhatyouthinkIneed.

Sadomasochist:interactionespeciallysexualinteractionbutnotalwayssexualinteraction,in
whichonepersonenjoysandisgratifiedbyinflictingmentalandphysicalsufferingonanother
person,whoderivespleasurefromexperiencingpain,mentalandphysicalpain.

Ifonehasasenseoftime,andonehasemotions,oneisbothasadist,andamasochist,atthe
exactsametime.
Thereforethatoneisinsane,becausetheyhaveasplitpersonalityandthusareschizophrenic.
Thereisnomedicationthatisabletohelponewhoisnotevenatthepointofunderstanding
theyareinsane.
Medicationcanonlyhelponetoavoidunderstanding,theyareinsane.
Untiloneunderstandstheyareinsanetheyareunabletoattempttobecomesane.
IamunabletofailatteachingtheblindtheyareblindbecauseIunderstandIamunabletofailor
winatanything.
Hereiswhatonegetswhentheydetermineemotionsareimportantandneeded.

Ifonevotestopassalaw,andthentheygetputinjail,becausetheybrokethatlawtheypassed,
sotheyareamasochistforpassingthelawandasadistforbreakingit.
Ifonepassesalaw,andgainspleasurefromwatchingothersbeputinjail,forbreakingthatlaw
theypassed,theyareamasochistandsadist.
Ifoneelectsanother,topassalaw,thateventuallylandsanotherinjail,theyareasadistanda
masochist.
Theone,whoiselected,passesthelaw,theyarealsoasadistandamasochist.

39

Theonewhoiselectedtopassthelawandtheonewhoelectsthatonetopassthelawarealso
masochists,becausetheyhavetopaytaxestokeepallthepeopleinjail,sotheyarehurtingtheir
self,andtheyenjoysufferingsotheykeeppassinglaws.
Theonewhodoesnotvotetoelectone,topassalaw,andthenendsupinjail,becauseofalaw
theydidnotvoteon,isavictimofsadistsotheyareamasochist.
One,whodoesnotwanttobeapartofthesadistsandmasochists,iswisetodothebestIcan,to
suggestways,onemayavoidthesufferingcausedbyemotions.

Therealityofthisis,onewithemotionsisblockingtheirsubconsciousmind.SotheywillsuggestI
neverknewthatwouldhappenorIcantpredictthefuture.Thatisalie,thatiswhatonewho
onlyuses10%oftheirbrainbecausetheyblocktheirsubconsciousdoes.Theylieand
underestimatewhattheycando.IcanpredictthefuturenotbecauseIamsomespecialhuman,I
canpredictthefuturebecausesubconsciousonceunlockedknowseverything.Donotaskme
whyitknowseverythingandwhatisgoingtohappenandwhathashappenedandwhatis
happening,notsimplyinafewdaysorafewweeksintothefuturebuteverythingintothe
future.Everything.Itknowseverything,asineverythingthereistopossibleknowinthepastin
thepresentandinthefuture.Idonotknowhowitdoes,Isimplyamapoorsoulwhoaccidently
unlockeditandnowIunderstandthatshowpowerfulitis,sothatisasfarasIcango.Iamnot
authorityonitIpromiseyouthat.IamsimplyattemptingtodothebestIcanbasedonthe
situationIamin.Idonothaveenoughenergytoworryifyoubelievemeornot,becauseIam
spendingallmyenergytryingtofigureoutwhatthehellisthissubconsciousthingIaccidently
unlocked.IdonotperceiveIwillfigureoutthissubconsciouspowerIaccidentlyunlocked,inmy
lifetime.WaittillyouseehowmanybooksIwriteandthenyouwillstarttounderstandits
power.Idonotexpecttofullyunderstanditspowerinmylifetime,andIam40.Iamgoingto
pumpoutonebookeverymonthandIwillseehowfarIgetinunderstandingit.ButIcertainlydo
notexpecttofullyunderstanditever.Itissimplytovastinpowerandabilities.ThissongI
createdtodayperhapswillexplainitproperly.

Ilookbad.
Ilooksad.
Youjustwait.
Idonthesitate.
Youaremad.
Imnotgreat.
Iamone.
Ilikenone.
Youjustwait.

40

Idonthesitate.
Thatsyourbait.
Thatsyourfate.
Idonthesitate.
Isealfate.
Youjustwait.
Youhesitate.
Imnotlate.
Imnotgreat.
Thatsyourfad.
Youjustwait.
Thatsyourbait.
Thatsyourfate.
Isealfate.
Idonthesitate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AONC0aV6E

IdonthavetimeforjokesbecauseIhavetoomanytotell.
Understandyourabilitytoreadisyoursavior.
Understandwhatyoureadisyourenemy.

SunFeb2220091:56AM
Whenahumanbeingwritesabookandincludeschaptersandstructure,theyaresaying
Humansbeingsareunabletounderstandwheretheyareat,andunabletokeeptheirplace,and
unabletodoinganything,becausehumanbeingsareessentiallyretardedchildren.
Iamunabletoinsultyoulikethat.
Iamunabletopandertothewaysoftheinsane.
Iftheinsanedonotlikeit,thereisnothingyoucando,soavoid,donotlikeit,soyoudonot
destroyyourself.
Ifyouthinkthesebooksareajoke,thejokeisonyou.
Ifyouunderstandthesebooksarenotajoke,youarecomingalong.
Iprefertheworddrowntobaptize,becausebaptizesuggestsyouwillbearoundafter.
Iprefertodrownonefromallangles,fornoreasonatall.
Ifallyouseeisafreakshow,youknowwhatIsee.
Iderivenopleasure,becauseIhavenoemotionsduetoplayingavideogamefartoolong.
Pleasureleadstosympathy,luckyme.
Mybestjokesaretheonesyouareunabletoget.
Wordsareinventedtoconvincetheinsane,wordsexist.
IntelligenceCommunity,isanicewayofsaying,insane,robbing,manipulating,raping,whores
anddestroyers,andwhenyouenablethem,youarethesame.

41

Theintelligencecommunitybuysasatellitewithyourapproval,tospyonyou,sotheycan
controlyou,andkeepyouincheck,sotheycaninventrulesandlawstofurthercontrolyouand
furtherkeepyouincheckandthenwhenyousuggesttheyshouldstop,theylabelyouanenemy.
Thewaysoftheinsaneareinsanity.

PerhapsoneshouldnotassumeIcareaboutwhatanyonethinksaboutmeever,sincethe
accident.Ihavenoemotionsandsonoemotionalcapacitytofeeltheemotion,care.

DonotthinkIhavestartedtodrowneveryone,Iamunabletostart.

Theintelligencecommunitydetermines,whatthebeing,thatenabledthemtoexist,isallowedto
know,accordingtotheintelligencecommunities,advice.

Itiswisertonotbephysicallyalivethantobeaslave.
Givemelibertyorgivemedeath.
Oneshouldtakewhattheinsanesay,withagrainofsalt,especiallyiftheinsaneoneplayeda
videogametoomuchanditeliminatedtheiremotions.
Theintelligencecommunitydetermineswhoisgoodandwhoisbad,andyouenablethemto
determinethat,andtheyhavedeterminedyouarebad.
Iftheydidnotdeterminethatyouarebad,theywouldnothidetheirintelligencefromyou.

Youallowedtheintelligencecommunitytolabel,andyouareundertheircontrol,becauseyou
allowedthemtocontrolyou.

Youareasadistandamasochistattheexactsametimesoyouareschizophrenicandneedto
seekmedicalhelp.Trustme,youneedmedicalhelp,andyouaretheonlydoctorintown.

Insanitybegetsmoreinsanityandthatisaninfinitecyclethatisneverbrokenuntiltheinsane
understandtheyareinsane.

Theintelligencecommunitybuysspysatellitesbecauseyouenablethemto,andthenthey
determinewhoisgoodandwhoisbad,becauseyouenablethemto,andthentheykillpeople,
becauseyouenabledthemto,andthentheyhidewhotheykill,fromyou,becausetheyhave
determinedyouarebad.

Theyhavedeterminedtheyareunabletotrustyou,andyoucontinuetoenablethemto
continuetonottrustyou,soyouareasadist.Theyareasadist,youareamasochistandtheyare
amasochist,atthesametime,sotheyareschizophrenicandinsaneandyouareexactlylikethey
are.

42

Oneiswisetoavoidthewordsofonewhoisbeyondtherealmsofinsanityandhasnoemotions
becausetheyplayedavideogamefartoolong.

IusetheterminsanelooselybecauseIamunabletounderstandfullywhatIam,soIambeyond
therealmsofinsanity.

Apicturetellsthestory;wordsareunabletodothepicturejustice.

Onewhogivesuptheirlibertyforsomesecuritydeservesneither.

Perhapsthisisapredictionofwhatisnow.
PerhapsintherealmbeyondinsanityIamin,Iamunabletoknowmuch.
PerhapsintherealmofinsanityIamin,Ineedtoavoiddeterminations,soIdonotcauseharm
tomyself.
PerhapstheauthorofthatquoteunderstoodIwouldbecomeinsaneandwasattemptingto
warmmeandIwasunabletounderstandhiswarninguntilitwasfartoolate.

CitizensenableLawenforcementcommunitiestoenforcethelawsthecitizensenable,sothe
citizenscanenjoybeingprosecuted,andenjoywatchingothercitizensbeprosecuted.
Thecitizensmakeandenablemorelaws,andthustherearelargerlawenforcement
communities,sotheycanprosecutemorecitizensandenabledothercitizenstobepleasuredby
watchingtheirfellowcitizensbeprosecuted.

Perhapsthecitizenswhosuggest,itiswisetonotbreakthelawstheyenable,arethemostsane,
becausetheyencourageotherstosubmittocontrol,andsubmittothesystemwhichistheslave
master.

Perhaps,IfIamaslaveIpreferdeath.iswise.

SomemayrememberthatasGivemelibertyorgivemedeath.

PerhapscitizenssimplyhaveunresolvedS&Missues.

Onecitizendeterminestheywillignorethesystem,andtheyavoidlabels,suchasidentification
cards,andlaws,andrulesthentheyaredeemedathreattothesystem,becauseifeveryone
ignoredthesystem,itwouldnaturallydestroythesystem.
Soperhapsthesystemisuntoitself.

43

Perhapsitwasenabledbycitizens,butnowitisitsownbeast,anditwilleliminateanycitizen,
whodeterminesitisnolongerrelevant.

IamunabletodetermineapropersolutionbecauseIamfartooinsaneasaresultofplayinga
videogamefartoomuch.
Oneisunabletofunctionunderthesystem.Thesystemisuntoitselfandnolongerworksforthe
citizenswhoenabledit.Thesystemisthemasterofthecitizenswhoenabledit.
Thecitizensinitiallydeterminedtheyareamasterofthesystem,buteventuallythesystemtakes
overthatrole.Sothecitizensareprisonerstothesystemandthatmeansanycitizenwho
attemptstobreakfree,iseliminatedorlabeledaterroristbythesystem.

Thisterm,Iwilldefendtheconstitutionfromallthreatsforeignanddomestic.,wasinvented
bythesystem,notthecitizens.Whatthatstatementmeansis,ifyouasacitizenattempttovote
outthesystem,youwillbephysicallyormentallykilledbythesystem.Sofreedomisdead.And
votesdotocount.Andmajoritydoesnotcount.
Perhapsthemilitaryaspectofthesystem,isnottheretokillforeignenemies.Perhapsitisthere
tokillslavesthatattempttoattackthesystem.
Themilitaryaspectisusedwhenthe,lawenforcementaspectofthesystemcannothandlethe
threat.
Perhapsthataspectsuggeststheslavesareslaves.
Perhapsiftheslavesarenotslavesandareinfactfree,thenthereisnoneedtosuggest,
protecttheconstitutionfromdomesticthreats.

Perhapstheonlydomesticthreattotheconstitutionisthesystem.
Perhapstheslavesarenotafraidtobefree.
Perhapsthesystemisafraidtoallowtheslavestobefree.
Perhapsthatiswhytheslavesareslaves.
Onewhogivesupabsolutefreedomforanyreasonisanabsoluteslave.
Onewhogivesupfreedomforalittlesecuritydeservesneither.
Means.
Onewhomakesanylawhangstheirselfwithit.
Onewhovotesonanything,votestobeaslave.
Perhapsfreedomisabsolutebecauseslaveryisabsolute.

Theonlythingthatwassupposedtoeverbevotedonwastheconstitutionandthebillofrights.
Anyvotesafterthat,isproofoneisaslave.YoushouldpraytoGodalmightyIamwrongabout
that.

Thefoundingfathersvoted.Thatwassupposedtobethefirstandlastvote.Theyvotedfor
freedomandeveryvoteafterthathasbeenvotestokillfreedom.Soanyvoteafterthefounding
fathersvote,isanindicationfreedomdied.

44

YoushouldpraytoGodalmightyIamwrongaboutthat.

Remindyourselftheauthorisbeyondtherealmsofinsanityasaresultofplayingavideogame
fartoomuch.Theauthorisunabletofunctionorevenformsanethoughtsortranslatethose
thoughts,intopropersentences.
Asaresultofplayingavideogamefartoolongandeliminatinghisemotions,theauthoris
beyondtherealmsofinsanity,asaresult.

Remindyourselftheauthorisinsaneandunabletosuggestanywisdomsoitiswiseifyoutake
everysentencehesuggestswithagrainofsalt.

Pleaseremindyourself,theauthorbecameawareofamajorpersonalitychangeonOCT31st
2008andattemptedtodeterminethecausebygettinganMRIandEEG,andthoseresults
suggestedtheauthoriswithinNormallimits,butclearlytheauthorisinsane,andthe
sentencesheformsbyarrangingwordsinfashion,areindicationsofhisinsanity.

Pleaseremindyourself,theauthorisdoingthebesthecanbasedonhisstateofmind,and
pleaseforgivetheauthorifhesuggestsanythingthatoffendsorinsultsyoubecausetheauthor
haslosthisemotionsasaresultofplayingavideogamefartoolongandisunabletodetermine
ifwhathesuggestsishurtingothersfeelings.

Pleaseforgivetheauthorbecauseheisunabletoknowwhatheisdoing.
ThankyouforyourtimeandThankYouforyourconsideration.

Thedrownedareunabletoresist,whattheyareunabletobreathein.

Ifonesuggeststheyneedalawtobesafe,oneissuggestingtheyneedsecurityoverfreedom.
Ifonesuggestsfreedomisnotasuicidepact,theyaresuggestingslaveryisbetterthanlife.
Thenonesuggests,givemefreedomorgivemedeath.
Sooneofthesebeingsisinsaneandoneissane.
Ifonebeingsuggestssafetyisbetterthanfreedomtheyareinsane,becauseslaveryisdeath.
Slaveryisabsoluteandfreedomisabsolute.
Thereisnosuchthingasaslavethatisfree,andnosuchthingasafreethatisaslave.
Ifonedeterminestheydesiretobeaslavethentheyshouldmovetoaprison.
ThelastIchecked,Iwasborninthehomeofthefree,butthefreehavelefthome.
Perhapshomeoftheslaves,whodonotunderstandtheyareslaves,isamorepropername.
Oneiswise,whoavoidslisteningtothewordsofone,whoisbeyondtherealmsofinsanity,from
playingavideogamefartoomuch,especiallyifthatonewhoisbeyondtherealmsofinsanity,
suggeststheyarebeyondtherealmsofinsanity,asaresultofplayingavideogametoomuch.
Afoolisonewhounderstandstheyareinafoolishsituationandremainsthereanyway.

Idonthesitate;Imnotlate.

45

Imnotgreat;thatsyourfad.
Ilooksad;thatsyourbait.
Ilookbad;thatsyourfate.
Isealfate;youjustwait.

Thisconceptofthinkinginfinitemovesaheadtodeterminetheoutcomebeforethecontest
beginsappearstobeanillusion.
Theillusionisperhaps,somethingisbeingdone.
Theillusionisperhapscomplicatedwhenputintowords.Thecontestisalreadyresolved,thereis
nothinkingtoresolvetheconflict,becausetheconflictisalreadyoverbeforeiteverbegan,so
thereneverwasaconflict.

IwouldstopsayingIsomuchbutIunderstandIamunabletowinthatbattlesoIwillnotenter
it.

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestthereaderofthisdocumentavoidreadingthenextpageorso.

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestthereaderofthisdocumentwouldbewisetoavoidreadingthe
nextpageorso.

IamonlyabletohumblysuggestthesentenceafterthisoneiswheretheinformationIhumbly
suggestthereaderavoidsreading,starts.

Iftheauthorofthisdocumenthumblysuggestedsincethisaccident,causedbyplayingavideo
gametomuch,hehassleptmuchlessandnoticednoilleffectstofunction,itwouldperhaps
notgooverwell.

Iftheauthorofthisdocumenthumblysuggestedsincetheaccidenttheauthorunderstands
sleepissimplyasymptomofemotionsandasymptomoneisinsane,itperhapswouldnotgo
overwell.

Iftheauthorofthisdocumenthumblysuggestedtheveryactofsleepingrelatingtolosing
consciousnessisadirectsymptomoneisinfullpsychosis,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

Iftheauthorofthisdocumenthumblysuggested,anymedicaldoctorwhosuggestsoneneeds8
hoursofunconscioussleepanighttobehealthy,isactuallysuggesting,onewhoisinsaneandin

46

psychosisneedstorestunconsciouslyfor8hoursadayinordertofunctionproperly,intheir
psychoticstate,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

Iftheauthorhumblysuggestedmoneyissimplyamediumfortheslavemastertokeepthe
slavesundercontrolitperhapswouldnotgooverwell.
Iftheauthorhumblysuggestedmoneyissimplyamediumfortheslavemastertokeepthe
donkeyreachingforthecarrotsothehamsterwillbeunabletounderstandtheyareactuallya
slave,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

Perhapsiftheauthorofthisdocumenthumblysuggestedeverysingletimetheslavemaster
suggestedweneedmoneytosavetheeconomyorsavetheeducationsystemortofightthe
warondrugsortodeveloptechnologyortopayforlawenforcementortobuildprisonsorto
helpsomeonedosomething,thatissimplyanicewayofsaying,littlehamsteryoubetterget
yourasstoworkandmakemoneybecausewithoutmoneyyoudonotexist,itwouldperhaps
notgooverwell.

Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorofthisdocumenthadanaccidentfromplayingavideogame
fartoomuch,anditalteredhisperceptionandtheauthorisperhapscompletelyinsaneandthe
authoralsosuggestheiscompletelyinsaneasaresultofthevideogameplayingaccident,so
perhapsoneiswisetotakeanythingtheauthorsayswithagrainofsalt.

Perhapsiftheauthorsuggestedheunderstandstheentireeconomycrisisisnothingmorethan
wellcraftedmisdirectionmove,wellorchestratedbyothers,inordertomanipulatethe
hamstersproperly,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell,andperhapsthereaderwouldcertainlybe
convincedtheauthoriswiseinsuggesting,heisbeyondtherealmsofinsanityfromplayinga
videogametoomuch.

Perhapsoneiswisetocompletelyignoreanysentences,onewhofreelyadmits,theyarefully
beyondtherealmsofinsanity,fromplayingavideogametoomuch.

Perhapsiftheauthorsuggestedheunderstandswhatisknownascivilizationissimplyawell
craftedmisdirectionmovebyothersinordertobendthehamsterstotheotherswill,it
perhapswouldnotgooverwell,perhaps.

Perhapstheauthorinsistswhathesuggestsissimplyanillusioncreatedbytheeffectsofthe
perceptionadjustmentduetoplayavideogamefartoomuchandhumblysuggeststothe
reader,itisinsanetoeverbelievesuchinsanity.

Perhapsiftheauthorhumblysuggestswhenapersonkillstheirselfandortheirfamilybecause
theylosetheirjob,itissimplythecorebeingofthatpersonhascometotheunderstanding
theyaresimplyaslavetothemoneyasperhapsthesongbyTheVervesuggests,itwouldnot
gooverwell.

47


Perhapsiftheauthorhumblysuggests,whenapersoncommitssuicide,innearlyeverycaseitis
simplythatpersonscorebeingunderstandstheyareaslave,andtheydetermineitisproper
totaketheadviceofthesaying,Givemelibertyorgivemedeath.,itwouldperhapsnotgo
overwell.

Perhapsiftheauthorsuggests,whenasoldiercomesbackfromaconflictandcommitssuicide,it
isnotthatsoldierisnottoughmentally,itissimply,thecorebeingofthatpersonunderstands
theyhavebeenmanipulatedintodoingthingssuchaskillingotherbeingsandhavebeen
dupedandtheyunderstandtheyareslavesandtheydetermineitispropertofollowthe
givemedeathaspectofthequoteGivemelibertyorgivemedeath.,perhapsitwouldnotgo
overwell,perhaps.

Perhapsiftheauthorsuggestedhedoesnotthink,heunderstands,itperhapswouldnotgo
overwell.

Perhapsifisuggestedahamsterisunabletodeterminetheyareahamster,itwouldnotgoover
well.

Perhapsifisuggestedthisaccidentcausedmetohavenosenseoftimeandnoemotions,and
perhapsthatmeansthosewhohaveasenseoftimeandemotionsareperhapsinpsychosis,it
perhapswouldnotgooverwell.

Perhapsifisuggestedthoseinpsychosiscouldsimply"turntheothercheek"onemotionsfor3
monthsorso,andthentheywouldbecome"meekshallinherittheearth",thentheyperhaps
wouldalsohavenosenseoftimeandbeableto"understand"insteadofthink,perhapsitwould
notgooverwell.

Perhapsifisuggestedhungerpangsandsleepwhileunconsciousisssymptomofemotionsand
anindicationoneisinpsychosis,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

PerhapsifIsuggestedemotionsaresimplyadrugthehamstershavebeenencouragedtohave
byothersinordertokeepthehamstersinpsychosis,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

PerhapsifIsuggestedoneinpsychosisisunabletodetermineproperlyandthatisexactlywhy
othersencourageemotionsintheonesinpsychosis,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

PerhapsifIsuggested,freedomisanillusionbecauseonesinpsychosisareabsoluteslaves,ones
wouldnotunderstandwhatiamsaying.

Perhapsthisnirvanaorstateofnothingnessrelatestotheconcept,behindeveryillusionlays
anotherillusion.

48


Perhapstheanalogy,whenallthelayersofskinareremovedfromanonionallthatremainsis
theonion,isperhapsproperwaytolookatit.

Perhapsthisconceptremovethelogfromyoureyebeforeyouworryabouttheloginanothers
eye,relatestoremovingalltheillusionsonehasbeforetheyattempttoremovetheillusions
fromanotherseye,becauseperhapswhenoneremovesalltheillusiontheyarefallingforall
theywillhaveleftistheirtrueself,andthenperhapstheywillunderstand,theyhavenotime
tojudgeothers.

PerhapswhenBuddhasuggestedoneshouldavoidusingthewordI,inrelationtostrategic
wordinghewasperhapssuggesting,ifoneusesthewordItheyareinfactjudgingtheirself.

PerhapswhenJesussuggesteddonotjudgeothers.,theothershewasreferringtoisnotonly
otherpeople,butalsoonesself.PerhapsJesuswassuggesting,donotjudgeanyoneoranything.

PerhapsthereasonJesusdidnotactuallywriteanyofhiswordsdownisbecause,alllanguageis
,islabels,andlabelsonlyleadtojudgment,soperhaps,Jesuswassuggesting,donotuse
languageatall,itisthetoolofjudgmentandjudgmentexcitesorcreatesemotions.

PerhapsthatiswhyIdetectsomanyflawsinlanguage.PerhapsallthatIhavesaidinallthe
bookssofarareonlysymptomsofillusionsandwithfurtherpondering,theillusionswillfallaway
andIwillunderstandfurtherillusions.

Perhapswhenoneisatthetopofthemountaintheillusionisthetopofthemountain.

PerhapsMosesgoingtothetopofthemountain,isaparablerelatingtowhenonegetstothe
topofthemountaintheywillfindthecoreprinciplesofliving,andperhapsthe10
commandmentsaresimplyunderstandingdetectors.
Ifoneperhapsthinksthe10commandmentsareliteral,theyhavenotreachedthepointin
understandingtounderstandtheyarenotliterallawsorrules.

PerhapsthisreincarnationunderstandingdetectorinBuddhism,isasimilarsignpost.
Perhapsifonehasnotreachedanunderstandingtherearenolawsandarenorules,theyare
simplyonlyusedtoponderandperhapsreachtheunderstanding,theyarenothingbutillusions,
onecanperhapsdestroytheirselfattemptingtofollow,oronecanperhapsletgoofthem
andavoiddestroyingtheirselfattemptingtoconformtothelawsandrules,becauseperhaps
infinityisunabletoconformtoanystate,exceptinfinity,andlimitlessness.

PerhapsIunderstandhowonewhoisinanystatebutcompleteopenmindednesscanperhaps
easilygetstuckinoneoftheinfinitetrapsonthewaytothetopofthemountain.

49

Perhapsthemomentonestartsthinkingandjudgingtheyaresimplytrappedinaninfinite
loop,andtheyperhapswillstartshowingsignsofconfusionandstartshowingsignsofangerand
hateandisolationasaresultofbeingstuckinthatinfiniteloop.
Perhapsonlythosewhoaremeekshallinherittheearthareabletounderstand,anythingthey
thinkisperhapswrongtothinkandsotheyaremeekbecausetheyareabletosay,theonly
possiblethingthatistrueisthat,nothingistrue.
Perhapsmeeksuggeststheonlythingthatpossiblyisrightisoneisperhapsneverabletobe
right.
PerhapsinIslam,thisconceptofsubmissionisinrelationto,oneisonlyeverabletosubmit,
theyareunabletosubmitfully.
Oneisperhapsunabletoeversuggest,IknowforafactorIknowIamright.,because
perhapsthatonlyindicatesoneperhapshasfallenintoatrap.

PerhapstheconceptIthinkthereforeIam.,isperhapsaclevertrapforonetoponderand
perhapsunderstandfrom.Ifperhapsonethinks,theysimplyjudge,andthenperhapstheyarein
atrap.
Theyareinanisolationtrap.Soperhapsitissuggesting,Ithink,thereforeIjudge,thereforeI
amisolatedbecausewhenoneisinatraptheyareisolated,theyhaveisolatedthereself.

Iperceivetherearesomanyremindersnotonlyinreligionbutfromnearlyeveryangledown
throughhistory.
PerhapswhatIperceiveismerelyanillusionasaresultofmyadjustedperception,butIperceive
itisallasymptomofthisgentlenudgingoftheperfectentityandperhapsifoneisnotina
certainstateofperceptiontheywillperhapsgounnoticed.

PerhapsthisconceptIamistheonlyproperwaytoavoidthelabelsoflanguage,andperhaps
evenIamisstillalabelbecauseIisalabel.Perhapstheonlypropertranslationofthe
suggestionEveryoneisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.,isreducedtoI
amandperhapsIamisfurtherreducedtoAm.
PerhapsthatiswhyBuddhasuggestedavoidthewordIinusingstrategicwording.Perhapsit
isbecauseIisinfacttheharshestjudgmentofallthejudgments.

Perhapsthisconceptsufferthechildrentocomeuntome.isnotastheinsanethink,pervert
andobscene,butperhapsitsuggeststhechildrenarethemeek,thechildrenarenotunderthe
influenceofthelabelsandemotionstheinsaneareunder.

Perhapstheinsaneconditionthemeekchildrentoconformtotheirinsanity,topreventthe
meekchildrenfromshowingtheinsanewhattheinsaneare,whichisdarkness,confusion,
hate,bitterness,isolation,anger,greed,abominationorsimplyemotional.

Perhapsthelightwouldrevealtothedarknesswhatthedarknessis,andsothedarknesswill
destroythelight,atanycostanduseanytrickerytoeliminatethelight,becauseperhapsthe

50

darknessonlyhasonepurpose,todestroythelight,becausethelightappearsmeekandweak
asDavidappearedintheDavidandGoliathparable,butthedarknessisfullyaware,thelightcan
neverbeunderestimated,becausethedarknessisfullyaware,thelightisunabletoeverbe
controlledordefeated,thelightisonlyabletobedelayed,andthatisallthedarknessisever
abletoaccomplishinitsbattlewiththelight,thedarknessisonlyabletodelay,whenitisfully
awareofalosingbattlewiththelight.

Perhapsthedarknessisfullyawareitisinanowinsituationwiththelight,andthatawareness
causesfrustration,andthesymptomsofthatfrustrationcausedbythatawarenessresultin
fruitssuchasconfusion,anger,hate,bitterness,desire,love,envy,lust,cravingsorsimply
emotionsandeventually,thosefruits,leadtomistakesinthebattle,andthosemistakesare
exactlywhythedarknessisunabletowinthebattle.

Thedarknessisdestinedtofailbecausethedarknesslosesbyitsverynature,whichisconfusion
andangerandimpatienceandperhapsthesefruitsareasymptomthedarknessisawareoftime.
Butinrealitydarknessonlyperceivesitisdoingthebestitcan.Darknessisnotawareitis
darkness.Darknessisnotawareitisfightingthelight.Darknessthinksitisfightingthedarkness.
Sodarknessthinksitisdoingtherightthing.Sodarknessdoesnotknowitisdoingthewrong
thing.Sodarknessdoesknowwhatitdoes.Darknessperceivesthelightisevilandsodarkness
perceivesitisinthegoodfightorafightforagoodcause.
Butitlosesbecauseitgetsfrustrated,andangryandbitterandhatefulandlovingandhasdesires
towin,anddesirestohate,andcravingstowin,andcravingstolove,andcravingstocontrol,and
desiretocontrol,andcravingsformoney,anddesiresformoney,andhateswhenitdoesnot
satisfyitsdesiresforcontrol,andformoney,andforhate,andforlove,andsoitgetsfrustrated
andonlystartstohatemoreandcravemoreanddesiremore,andthen,itletsitself,emotions
getthebetterofitandemotionsmakeit,makeamistake,andthatcausesittolosethebattle.

Perhapsthedarknessisawareoftimeandisawareitstimeislimitedsoperhapsthatleadsto
thedarknessrushinginitsdecisionsinthebattlewiththelight,andperhapsthatrushing
causesthedarkness,tomakemistakes.
Perhapsthedarknessisdefeatuntoitself.Perhapsthedarknessdefeatsitselfbyitsverynature,
andperhapsthelight,indoingnothingatall,winsthebattle,becausethelightisaware,allit
hastodotowinisbepatient.
Thedarknesswillbegintopanicandbecomeconfusedthatthelightisunlikeitself,andsothe
lightisperhapsjustbeingpatientasitsnatureis,andthedarknesswilldestroyitself,byitsvery
natureofimpatience,perhaps.

ImustattempttobecautiousinwhatIthink,perhapsthisaboveconceptisjustanotherillusion
thathidesanotherillusion,andperhapsitiswiseifIassumeitis,soIwillnotdetermine,thereis
nothingmoretounderstand.
Perhapstheconceptthedarknessknowsittimeisshort,isperhapssuggesting,thedarknessis
awareoftime,andtimeisthenatureofthedarknesscausedbyemotions.

51


Perhapsasenseoftimeiscauseofemotions.Perhapsthatiswhatthatpassageissuggesting,
theconcepttimeisthedarknessandeverythingthedarknessis,isaresultofthatawareness
oftime.

PerhapsEinsteinssuggestiontimeisrelativetotheobserversuggested,thedarknessobserves
time,andthelightdoesnot.

PerhapsEinsteinwaswisetoavoidsuggestingthatupfront,becauseperhapsthatwouldnotgo
overwell.
PerhapsIamarenegadeandIamunabletocareandIamunabletofeelmercyandIamunable
tofeelsympathy,IamnotconcernedwithwhatanybeingthinksaboutwhatIsuggestforIhad
beenrobbedofmyemotionsbyplayingavideogametomuchandperhaps,Iwilleliminate
anythinginmypathIseefit,andIwillnotblink,andIwillnothesitateandIwillnotregretone
singlecommentoractionordeed,becauseIamunabletoregret,becauseIhavenoemotions,
andIamunabletoknowwhatIdo,andIamunabletoknowtheextentofthedamageIinflict,so
Iwillattempttokeepmyeyeontheprizeofprogression,toperhapsfurtherunderstand,and
letthechipsfallwheretheymay.,intoinfinity.

PerhapsIamunabletodothebestIcanbasedonmyunderstanding,becauseIamunableto
settleonanyoneunderstanding,andperhapsIamunabletodothebestIcanbecauseIam
unabletosettleforbestandperhapsIamunabletosettleforIam,soperhapsIamreduced
toAMandperhapsthatsuggests,Itisdone,becauseitwillbedone.

Perhapsyouaregoingtoneedabiggerboat,perhaps.
Perhapsyourboatisunabletocompensateformylackofsympathyandmylackof
understandingandmylackofmercy,andperhapsifyoujustgetoutofyourboatswiftly,the
drowningwillperhapsbethebestandlastthingyourememberatthesametime,perhaps.

Perhapsoneiswisetodetermineiftheyareabletowinabattle,soperhapstheydonotunwisely
determine,theyshouldenterabattle,theyperhapsareunabletowin,regardlessofthesizeof
theboattheyareabletowield,inthebattle,perhaps.

Perhapsoneiswisetohavepatienceandbehumbleintheirdeterminationsonwhichbattles
theirboatisabletocompeteinsoperhapstheywillnotbeinarushandmakeamistakethatwill
perhapsleadtotheirabsolutedestructionbecauseperhaps,theydeterminedtheirboatwasable
tocompeteinabattleitwasnotabletocompetein,andperhapstheirdeterminationonlylead
totheirboatbeingdestroyedandthenperhapsleftthemtothemercyoftheseaandperhaps
theseahasnomercysoperhapstheydrownedasaresultoftheirownmistakesandperhapsthe
seajustdoeswhatitistheretodo,drownedtheoneswhounderestimatedthesizeoftheir
boats.

52

Perhapstheseaactsasavehiclefortheoneswhoareimpatientandhavedeterminedtheyhave
powerfulboatsbutperhapstheboatswerenomatchfortheabilityoftheseawhich,hasno
mercyontheirperceivedpowerfulboat,andthebattlewasneverinquestiontobeginwith,
becauseperhapsthemostpowerfulboatisunabletocompetewiththesea,soperhapsoneis
wisetoavoidcompetingwiththeseawhentheyareperhapsunabletoevercompetewiththe
sea,perhaps.

PerhapsifyouperceiveIhavecalledyouthedarkness,thenperhapsyouare.
PerhapsifyouperceiveIhavecalledyouinsane,thenperhapsyouare.
PerhapsifyouperceiveIamthedarknessthenperhapsyouare.
Perhapsifyouperceivesomethingmustbedone,thenperhapsitwillbedone.
Perhapsifyouperceiveactionmustbetaken,thenperhapsactionwillbetaken.
Perhapsoneshouldbeimpatient,intheirdeterminations,sotheyperhapscanswiftlymakea
determination,becauseperhapsthereisnotenoughtimeforthemtobepatient,perhaps.

Perhapstheonlythingonedoesnothave,istheluxuryoftime,ifperhapsoneperceivestime,
perhaps.

Ipreferthetechnique,Drownedthematthesametimeldrownedthem.Iamperhapspleased
withtheresultsIperceive.

Perhapsoneiswisetofullyignorethewordsofonewhoisbeyondtherealmsofinsanityasa
resultofplayingavideogamefartoolong,andhaslosttouchwithtimeandemotions,and
perhapsoneiswisetosuggesttootherstoavoideverreadinganybookpublishedbyonewhois
outoftouchwithtimeandemotionsbecauseperhapsonethatisinastatebeyondtherealmof
insanity,isperhapsnotworthspendingtimeattemptingtounderstand,letalonewastingtime
on,atall.

Perhapsoneiswisetoavoidwastingtimeononewhohaslosttouchwithreality,asaresultof
playingavideogamefartoolong,perhaps.
PerhapsIamwisetonotinsultthereaderbyplacingperiodsandcommasintheproperplaces,
becauseperhapsIamreallysaying,Idonotthinkthereaderisabletodeterminewherethe
periodsbelongandperhapsIamafooltoinsultthereaderbyplacingperiodandcommasinthe
sentencesandperhapsIamafooltobeawareIamdoingthatandthenremaindoingthat

PerhapsIamwisetonotdeterminethereaderisnotcapableofunderstandingwhatthewords
sayarrangedinaproperfashionaresayingandperhapsIamwisetoavoidinsultingthereader
byholdingthereadershandasiftheywerearetardedchild

PerhapsthesimplefactIamstillcorrectingthespellingofthewordsisalsoaninsulttothe
readerbecauseitissuggestingthereaderisunabletounderstandthesentencesevenifthe
wordsaresometimesmisspelled

53


PerhapsIwillnotholdthereadershandandIwillnotsubscribetothesemethodsofholdingthe
readershandcalledgrammarbecauseIamfullyawareofwhothereaderisandIamfullyaware
thereaderdoesnoteverneedtheirhandheldanddoesnotneedmyhelpanddoesnotneedme
tousherthemalongbecauseIamfullyawarethereaderisthelastoneintheuniversethat
needshelpfromonesuchasi
PerhapsifIcorrectthespellingandusegrammarIamactuallysayingtomyselfIamunableto
understandwhatIamthinkingunlessIpresentitinafashionIamabletoreaditandperhaps
thatisthebiggestinsultofallwhenoneinsultstheirselfbytheirveryownactions

Perhapsonejudgestheirselfandperhapsthatisamostobscenegestureoneiscapableofwhen
theysuggesttheyareimperfecttheyareflawedandtheyareunabletodoanythingtheyare
unabletobeanythingtheyareunabletobeperfecttheyareunabletoeverbeperfecttheyare
nothingbutworthlessperhapsthatisasymptomofthefruitsofthedarknessselfdoubt

PerhapsifIadmittoselfnootherhumanbeingintheuniversewouldeveracknowledgeabook
onesuchasIwouldcreatethenperhapsIwillnotbeconcernedaboutthespellingandgrammar
becausethenIhavebeenreducedtomonologueandperhapsthatwillenablemetojustbeam
andavoidpretenses

Inwarafterabattletheysidesarecarefultoburythedead.Thesidesburythedeadbecause
theyunderstandthedeadbodieswillmaketheoneswhokilledthemsick.Sothedeadbodiesin
theirdecompositionarestillabletoharmtheliving.Sothelivingburythedeadbodiesbecause,
thelivingunderstand,thedeadarenotdead,becausethedeadcanstillharmthem.Sothenwe
havecemeteriesofthedead,andwepayrespectstothedead,sotheyarestillharmingusby
excitingouremotions.Ofemotionsofloss,regret,anger,bitterness,happiness,joy.Sothedead
arestilleffectingthelivingandsoifaphysicalbodyisstillmanipulatingthethoughtsofaliving
body,thenthatdeadbodyisinfactnotdeadatall,itisstillmanipulatingtheliving.Itisstill
affectingtheliving.Sothereisnosuchthingaslivingordead.Thelivingareeffectingtheliving,
andthedeadareaffectingtheliving.Soneitherisaliveordead,theyaresimplymanipulating.
Youcanattempttodisprovethis,butthatdoesnotmeananythingbutyouareignoranttothe
realityofthesituation.

PerhapsIamwisetoavoidtrying.PerhapsIneedtobecautiousoffallingintoisolationtraps.
PerhapsIamwisetotrustselfandtrustselfwilldowhatisproperbasedonitsperception.
PerhapsIamwisetoavoidselfdoubtsoperhapsIwillnottrytodoanythingastoavoidfalling
offthefenceasBuddhasuggested.PerhapsIamwisetodowhatcomesnaturallysotospeak
andavoidtryingtodoanythingsowhatis,iswhatis.

54

AfriendinaBuddhismchatroomsuggestedthisparableBuddhaperhapsmentioned.

Onedaywhilewalkingintheforestwithagroupofbrothersfromthesangha,Buddhascooped
upahandfulofleaves,heshowedittothebrothersandsaid,'thisiswhatIvetaught'.indicating
thetreesaroundthemBuddhasaid,'alltheleavesintheforestiswhatyouhavetolearn'
PerhapsBuddhasuggestedthelessoniseasilytaughtbuttheunderstandingfromthelesson
taughtisinfinite.
Perhapsthissuggeststheponderingandunderstandingcycleisinfinite.Perhapsthisinfinite
understandingcyclesuggeststhereisnobeginningtoit.
Perhapsoneiswisetoembracedarknessandemotionsandangerandhategreedandbitterness
becauseperhapstheyatleastknowwheretheystand.
Iperceivethislightisunsafe,Iperceivethislightwithnoemotionsandnosenseoftime,isvery
ungrounded,Iperceivethisnosenseoftimeleavesoneleftoutinthecold,andleavesonestuck
inasortofpurgatory.

Perhapsthisnosenseoftimeandnoemotionsisinfactthedarknessandperhapsemotionsand
senseoftimeandangerandbitternessandgreedisthelight,andperhapsBuddhaandJesusand
theToraharethedarknessandtheirmessageisthedarkness,andeverythingIfeelisthelight,is
thedarkness,andeverythingIfeel,isthedarkness,isthelight..
Imustremindselftodoubleitseffortsandtoavoidpanic.
ImustnotunderestimatewhatIamupagainst.
Imustbepatientandworkitout.IfIamrushedIwillmakemistakes,Imustassumemy
intuitionisnotgoingtoforsakeme.
SunFeb22200911:25PM

SunFeb23200912:21AM
Iwatchedashowonthenews,theysaidsomethingaboutashootinginanearbytown,andallI
heardinthewholestorywastheneighborswereterrified,theneighborhoodisfrightened
andallIamabletothinkispeoplearecoweringintheirhousesdiggingholesinthegroundwith
shovelsattemptingtoburytheirselvesandisolatetheirselvesfromthehorroroutside.
ThenIunderstandthatisinsanity.
So9/11happened.Americahadanopportunitytoponderwhatitmeant.Americadetermined
someterroristsweretryingtodestroyourwayoflife,soAmericasanswerwastocreatetons
ofnewlawsthatonlyfurtherdestroyedourwayoflife.
Thatisinsanity.
Iamnotsuggestingwhathappenedwasrightorwrong,Iperceiveitasinsanity,butperhapsIam
insaneforsuggestinginsanityisinsane,

PerhapsitwassanityandsinceIaminsaneIonlyseesanityasinsanity.
Whenoneisgreedyonesdesiresareoutofcontrol,thatisasymptomofemotions.

55

Whenoneisangryonehasnocontroloftheiremotions.
Whenoneisarrogantonehasnocontroloftheirtongue.
Whenoneislustfulonehasnocontroloftheirsexualdesires.
Ionlyseeitasemotionsthroughandthrough.
Purgatoryissimplytheabsenceoftimeandemotions.
Purgatoryistheabsenceofthesevendeadlysins.
Iperceivetimeisafactorinemotions.
Iamuncertainiftimeenablesemotionsoremotionsenablestime.
Ionlyseethemediaassomeemotionalsuggestingmachine.
Everyoneishorrifiedandeveryoneisscaredandeveryoneisinshockandthepeopleareina
stateofshock!!!,andallthepeoplewithemotionsarewatchingsayingtotheirself,yesIam
terrified,Iaminshock,Iamfrightened,Ihavenocontrol,Iamjustabouttojumpoutofthis
windowcauseIhavenoideawhatIamgoingtodointhisstateofhorrorIamin,becausethe
newsmediasuggestedIwasinit.

Idonotperceivethemediaisevenawareofwhattheyaredoing.Iperceivethenewsmedias
determinationthatwithoutmoneytheydonotexist,isthemainfactorfortheemotional
dramatheyinflictonthepublic.

Iperceiveanyhumanbeingwithemotionswillsuggest,YeahwithoutmoneyIwouldjust
disappearinonesecond,andifIdidnot,Iwouldgogetagunandencouragemyselftodisappear
andifIhaveafamilyandcannotsupportthem,becauseIIhavenomoney,theyarecomingwith
me.
Thatisinsanity.

Therearehumanbeingsintheworldwhohavenomoneyandnofoodtofeedtheirfamily,and
theyhavenochancetogetmoneyandnoprospectstoprovidefortheirfamily,buttheyhave
onethinghumanswholiveinthelapofluxurywillnevereverhave.Theyhavecourageto
continueinthestruggle.Theyhavemindfulfortitudetocontinuewhentheseagetsrough.

Theyhavemorefiberintheirbeingthanallthehumanbeingsinthelapofluxurywilleverhave
inabilliontrillionyears,becausetheyaretruehumanbeings.Theydonotcowerinfearwhen
thegiantgoliathshowsuponthebattlefield,theylookweakandtheylooksad,andtheylook
poor,buttheyarepowerthatisbeyondtheunderstandingoftheinsane.

Theyarewhyhumanbeingsarealivetoday.Thehumanbeingsinluxuryarenotwhyhuman
beingsarealivetoday,theyaresimplyonthecoattailsofthetruehumanbeingswhohave
fortitudeofmindandfortitudeofcharactertoadjusttostrugglesandadjustwhentheseagets
rough.

Theydonotgiveup,orgobuildatunneltohidein,orgoseekcomfortfromthestorm,theride
outthestorm,andtheyrideitoutanddonotavoidthestorm,theyembracethestormbecause

56

theyunderstandthestormiswhatmakesthemwhole,theyknowthediscomfortiswhatmakes
themstrong,theyunderstandtheadversityiswhatmakesthemwhole,asabeing.

Theyarethelightoftheworld.
Theyarethelightofthehumanrace.
IunderstandIamuncertainandindoubtwithnoemotionsandnosenseoftime.Iunderstand
thatissimplyselfdoubt.Iwelcomeit,IwilldestroyselfdoubtandIwillbestrongerbydoingso.I
willnotcowerinterrorliketheEmotional.IwillfacethebattlefieldandIwillseekthelargest
battleandthelargestcombatant,andIwillseektosmallestweapontouseagainsthimandIwill
seeknoarmorandIwillseeknodefense,andIwillseektomakethebattlecompletelyinthe
favoroftheenemy,sowhenIleavethebattlefield,theenemywillknowwhoIam.
Thelastthingtheenemywillthinkis,Ishouldnothavepickedonthatonewhoappearedso
weakandflimsy.
Thelastthingtheywilldobeforetheyclosetheireyes,is,understand.
Iwillseekthestrongestwindsinthestorm.Iwillseekthehardestconflict.Iwillseekthebattle
thatappearsimpossibletomanywhodonotunderstand,thereisnosuchthingasimpossibleto
onewithnosenseofimpossible.ThereisonlyAM.
IwillseekallcombatantsandIwillshownomercyandIwillexpectnone.Iwilloffernoquarter
andIwillseeknoquarter.Theharderthecombatantis,themorepowerfulIwillbewhenIsmite
himwithmywords.
Themorepowerfulthecombatantis,themorepowerfulIwillbewhenIsmitehimwithmy
glance.
Iwillsmitetheimpossiblecombatant,andIwillnotevenbreatheindoingso.Iwillsmitethe
impossiblecombatantandmyverybloodwillnotmoveintheprocess.
Timewillstandstill.
ThatistheeffortIwillneedtosmitetheimpossiblecombatant.Idonotneedeffort.Thatwould
makethebattlefartoounfairfortheimpossiblecombatant.Iseektogivetheimpossible
combatanteveryopportunitytowin,becauseIunderstandtheyareunabletoeverwin.
Iwillappeartohavemercy,butIhavenomercy.Iwillappeartohavesympathy,butIhaveno
sympathy.Iwillappeartohaveweakness,butIhavenoweakness.Iwillappeartobefaltering,
butIhavenofault.Iwillbaitthecombatantinwiththeappearanceofnothingnessandthelast
thingthecombatantwilldobeforehecloseshiseyes,isunderstand,Iwasnotnothing.

Iwillseekthetemptress,sothelastthingsheunderstands,beforeshedies,iswhoIam.
InfiniteGoliathsarenomatchformyglance.
IamnotashamedofwhoIamandIwillnotallowsomedelusionalinsanityandnonsenseto
harmme.
IwillseekitandprovokeitsoitwillknowIamunabletoeverloseandunabletoeverwin,
becauseIam.
Feb2322091:13AM

Feb2320091:32AM

57


1:45Am
Ifyoucontrol,youwillbecontrolled.
Ifyouhate,youwillbehated.
Ifyoulove,youwillbehated.
Ifyoulove,youwillbecontrolled.
Youperhapsshoulddecideswiftlywhoisdoingthecomposing,andwhoisbeingdecomposed.
Youshouldperhapsdecideswiftly,whoisdrowningandwhoisdoingthedrowning.

Youshouldperhapsdecideswiftlywhotheslave,andwhoistheslavemaster.
Youshouldperhapsdecideswiftlywhothebuttofthejokeis.
Ifyouthinkitisalmostover,understanditisunabletostart.
Attempttoignoreme,becauseIhavemasteredignoringyou.
YoustayinyourrealmbecauseIownbothofthem.
WhenIsignyourbook,donttakeitpersonal.
Ifthisbookisasbigahitasmyfirsttwo,Iwilltryagain.
Mynextbookwillcover3waystoavoidhitting.
Whenabookstartshitting,itautomaticallystopsmissing.
Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestthewaterispleasant.
Iunderstandthefield,andtherearenoexpertsinit.

Iindeedbaptizeyouwithwateruntorepentance:buthethatcomethaftermeismightierthanI,
whoseshoesIamnotworthytobear:heshallbaptizeyouwiththeHolyGhost,andwithfire.
Math3:11

Iprefertoavoidthedetailsandjusthumblysuggest,thewaterispleasant.
Iprefertoavoidthedetailsandjusthumblysuggest,youhavetwochoices,youcandrowned
noworyoucandrownednow.

IfIhumblysuggestIhavenochoiceinthemattersoyouhavenochoiceinthematter,itperhaps
wouldnotgooverwell.

IfIhumblysuggestIhaveamindofmyown,andevenIamunabletofigureoutwhatitisupto
tilllater,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.

Iamliterallyalongfortheride.Ihavenodefenseagainstthisintuition.Igaveupafterthefirst
monthorso.Somesuggesteddontruinitormessitupsobecarefulanddonttakeanydrugs

58

anyoneprescribesbecauseitwillmessitupandyouwillloseit.Thehumorinthatfearis
massive.

PerhapsifoneunderstandswhatgettinghitbyaMactruckgoing200MPHwouldbelike,they
wouldunderstandalltheresistanceonehas,isunabletohindertheimpactevenslightly.
Iamawareothershavetroubleunderstandingmywords,whatIfindhumorous,is,theyallmake
perfectsensetome.
Somesortofmajordisconnectishappening.IperceivethejokesareunderstandablebutIdonot
seethemasjokes,Ifindhumorintheirunderstandingorintheponderingandunderstanding
aspectsofthem.
IlaughatthembutIlaughattheunderstandinginthem.Iampleasedwiththeirspiritsoto
speak.IfImakeajokeaboutyouitisreallyajokeaboutme,andifImakeajokeaboutmeitis
reallyaboutyou.
Beatswordsintoploughshares,thattomeissimplyturntheothercheek.

Thisturntheothercheekaspectisspookybecauseifonetakesittotheextremeitissaying,ifa
countryinvadesyourcountry,donotdefendyourself.Ifthatenemystartstakingeverything
over,letthem,iftheystarthittingyouandkillingyourfamilyanddoingthemosthorridthing
imaginabletoyou,letthem.
ThatiswhatIunderstandturntheothercheekis.
Itdoesnotsay,turntheothercheek,unlesstheyhityoutohardthenfightback.
Itistheextremeoftheextreme.Submittoannihilationandunderstandyouwillwin.
Someoneatworkinsultsyou,youholdagrudge,andyourangerfestersinyourmind,andbefore
youknowit,youarethinking,ifIhaveagunIwouldshootthatperson.Thatswhathappens
whenyoudonotturntheothercheek,youdestroyyourself.

Whenyoureadaboutsomepersonwhowenttoworkandshootstheircoworkers,thatissimply
whathappensifyoudonotletyouremotionsgo,theykillyou,theydontharmanyoneelsebut
you.

Onemaysuggest,Thepeoplehekilledwereharmed..
Thatwholeargumentisbasedon,physicallifeisallthereis.
Onewithemotionsfearsdeathsotheyconcludephysicallifeisprecious.
Thatconclusiondestroysone.
Ifphysicallifeisprecious,thenifoneishit,thatisalsoaninsulttophysicallife,sotheyhaveto
hitback.
Thiswholewaronterrorissimplyaresultofthatassumption,physicallifeisprecious.
Americaperceivesitlostphysicallifeasaresultoftheattacks.
Thatisanassumptionandadelusionalassumption.
Thatisnotevenconsideredorpondered,theinsaneassumethereisnoquestionaboutthatso
now,weareinsomeinsanewarbasedonkillingotherbeingsandkillingmany,manyinnocent
beingsandmanybeingswhoneedaproperrolemodel,sotheywillhavesomethingtoponder

59

andperhapscometounderstandingsandchangetheirways.Itdoesnotgiveanyoneanyreason
tostartkillingpeople.
Iamunabletocare,Iamunabletocarewhatanyonethinks,Iwillsitthemdownanddiscussit
withthem,andtheywillbegforforgivenessforeverthinkingtheyneededtogetpaybacks,andI
willignoretheirplea,becauseIabhor,emotionsandcongratulationsandIabhorinsanity.
Nobeingeverhasarighttoharmanotherbeing.Ifanyonethinkstheydo,theyareinsane,and
youneedtocontactmesoIcanconvinceyou,youareinsane.
Insanitybegetsinsanity.
WhydidAmericagotowarandstartkillingotherpeople?Becausetheyignoredthemost
fundamentalaspectofJesusteachings,theQuransteachings,theTorahsteachingsand
Buddhasteachingsallatthesametime.

Theywantedpaybackafterbeinghit.Theyembraceinsanityoverclarity.Thatisallthat
happened.Sameoldinsanityandthefruitsofinsanity.IfyoudoubtthatcontactmeandIwill
convinceyou,youareinsane.
Jesustaughtturntheothercheekwhenothersoppressyou.Period.
QuranteachesSubmitandbepatientanddonotbewrathful.
TorahteachesThemeekshallinherittheearth.
BuddhateachesControlonesemotionstoavoidsuffering.
Well,look,nowAmericaissufferinghumanlossesandhumansufferinginmanywaysbecause
theyignoredthemostfundamentalaspectofallthesereligions.

LookattheMuslims,theyaresufferingbecausetheyignoredthemostfundamentalaspectsalso.
LookattheJews,theyaresufferingbecausetheyignoredthemostfundamentalaspects.
Lookattheatheists,theyaresufferingaswell.
Everysinglehumanbeingissufferinginoneformoranotherasaresultofasingleassumption.
Ineedtogetpaybacks.
Thatisinsanity.
Perhapssomeonewillcontactmeandsuggesteverythingisjustpeachyasaresultofthewaron
terror.
Perhapssomeonewillcontactmeandsuggesttheworldiswithoutsufferingeventhough
everyoneignoredthefundamentalturntheothercheek,Submit,bemeekaspects.

Iperceivethisworlddoesnotevenknowwhatmeekorsubmitorbehumbleevenmeans.Itisas
if,theyreadthedefinitionsofthosewordsandareunabletoevengraspwhattheymean.Itisas
if,theyareblindtothewordsdefinitions.Theysay,Iammeekandtheygokillothers,theysay
Iturntheothercheekastheyinsultothers,theysayIsubmitastheyharmothers.Iperceive
theyaresoinsane,theyareunabletoevenknowwhatsaneis.

Perhapsifsomeonewithnosenseoftimeandnoemotionssuggestsyouareinsaneyoushould
perhapstakehiswordforitandnotthinkyouareabletoknowifyouare,ornot.

60

Perhapsonewithemotionsandasenseoftimewillmakeimpatientdeterminationsaboutmy
powerandwillonlydestroytheirself,asIamalreadyfullyawaretheywilldo.

IfIsuggestIalreadyunderstandandperceivewhatisgoingtohappen,onewhoisinsanewould
notevenbeabletograspthatconcept,sotheywouldjustresorttoinsultsanddisgrace,and
insanitywhicharethefruitsoftheinsane.

Ihavenewsforyou,youbringyourbest,ifyoubringanything,sowhenyoucloseyoureyes,you
willunderstandwhoIam.

Alloftheinsanecombinedagainstme,alone,wouldbenocontest.
KeepinmindthesanearegrowinginnumberandallowmetohumblysuggestIamdoingsome
organizingofmyown.Wearefewinnumberbutweneednone,tohandletheinsane.
Theinsanehavemasteryoveranantandsuchisourmasteryovertheinsane.

Youdonothavetobeinsane,youperhapsjustneedtodecideyounolongerwanttobeinsane.
Itisnoteasytobesane.Itisnotsimpletobesane.Itissimpletobeinsane.

Itiswhatsomesuggestisthehighroad.Thehighroadisdifficult,butthebeautyofthatis,
theabilitytohandledifficultyisalsoincreased.

IcallitlikeIseeit,andIknowinsanitywhenIseeit.IusedtobeinsaneandIaccidentlybecame
sane.

Perhapsyourroadwillbeeasier.Perhapsonewhodiscoverstheroadthehardwayistheone
whogetstheheaviestburden,andperhapsthatburdenisnothingforonewhohadtodoitthe
hardway.

PerhapsyouassumelosingmyphysicallifewillharderthanwhatIhadtogothroughtogethere.
Idiedamillionmentaldeathstogethere.AndnowIamhere,IdonotfearanythingbecauseI
amunabletofear.

Ihavetogooutofmyway,tostayphysicallyalive.Ihavetoremindmyselftoeatandremind
myselftobecautiousifIdoanyphysicalactivity,lettinggoofphysicallifeisnothing.

YouareunabletocomprehendwhatIhadtoenduretogettowhereIamat.
IdonotdiscussitwithanyotherbeingbecausenootherbeingisabletocomprehendwhatIhad
toenduretogettothetopofthemountain.
Yougettheslimpickings,andyouthinkyouaregettingsomething,youaregettingnothing.
Donottellmeaboutyourproblemsandyourstruggles,youdonotknowwhatastruggleis.
Youfocusonyourself,youaregoingtoneedallyourenergyafteryourdrowning.

61

Youaregoingtohavetolearnhowtolivebecauseyouhavenotbeenliving.
Youaregoingtohavetolearnhowtodothingsproperlybecauseyouareunabletoknowwhat
properlyis.
Christisbecomeofnoeffectuntoyou,whosoeverofyouarejustifiedbythelaw;yearefallen
fromgrace.
Maybeyouneedtospendtherestofyourphysicallifetryingtofigurethatoneout.

Idonotcarewhatyouthinkinyourisolation,youarenotofgrace.
Ohbytheway,ifanythingIhavesaid,upsetsyouormakesyouhappy,attempttoblockthose
emotions.
MonFeb235:17AM

ThisishowIseereligion.Itisallthesamespiritandsamemessage.IamavoidingHinduism.I
amawareitisgoingtobecoveredbutIamavoidingitbecauseIamalreadyfullaware,Itisthe
samemessageasalltherest.

AmericanIndianssuggestedthismothernatureconcept,oreverythinghasaspirit,thatisa
goodindicationsomeofthemhadthespirit.WhatImeanbythatis,Iamunabletoreada
paragraphlikeIusedto,Ijustlookatitasawholeandunderstandit,Igetthespiritofit.
PerhapsitslikespeedreadingbutIamnotgoingbackandforthreadingeveryline,Iglanceand
itsunderstood.IfitisanunkindspiritIdetectitinstantlyandifitsakindspiritIdetectit
instantly.
SofarIamfullycertainTheHolyTorah,TheHolyBibleandTheHolyQuranaretheexactsame
spirit.

Notkindoftheexact,100%withoutquestiontheexactsamespiritandtheexactsamemessage.
Alltheserulesandregulationsandrituals,thatsallmanwhodoesnotunderstandthespirit
crap.

Thespiritissimple,submit,turntheothercheek,bemeek.Period.Nothingelselefttodo.There
isnothingelsetofocusonbutthosethreeprinciples.Whenonedoesthosethreeprinciples
properlyforaboutthreemonths,everythingwillmakesensebecausetheywillunlock
subconscious.
Untiltheydo,theyhearbutdonotunderstandsotheyarejustahindrancetothethreebooks.
Theyarenotwrongorrightinthatstateofmind.Apersonwhohasemotionsandasenseoftime
isnotwrongorright.Iamnotwrongorrightwithnosenseoftime,Ijustam,andothersjustare.
Thereisnoneedtostartthisisolationandlabeling.Itispointless,itservesneitherofus.The
battleiswithin.Thekingdomiswithin.Icantsaveyou.Youcanonlysaveyourself,byfighting
thegoodfightandthegoodfightiswithin.Fightyourmind,Buddhasuggestedselfcontrol
,thatisthebattleofthemind.Yourmindcanmakeyoumakedecisionsthatwilldestroyyou,
andyoumindcanmakeyoumakedecisionsthatwillsaveyou.

62

IhearmusiclyricsandIseeshowsandIhearthissamespiritandIthink,theymusthaveno
senseoftime,andgetitbutthenIhearalittlemoreandthenIunderstand,theyhavehintsof
it.
Itisallovertheplace,butIperceivetheygohalfway.TheHolybooksgoalltheway.Sothis
spiritiseverywhere,butitisperhapsnotaspure,itishiddensomewhat.TheHindusandthe
Aboriginestheyknow,theyarethekeepers.

IdonotevenneedtoreadmorethanIhaveread,.whichistheygoback50,000years.Whatelse
doIneedtounderstand?Itisallthesame.
IamponderingthisJesusandBuddhasituationstill,IamuncertainorIamstillinastateof
pondering.IunderstandwhatIsuggestedabouttheBibleandQuranandTorahbeingaparable,
accuratehistory,deepermeaningparableitisall,itiseverythinginone.
ThatisthespiritIgetoutofit.IdonotremembereverythingItypesoIgobackandstartproof
readingfromtimetotime,andIsay,WellIbetterdeletethat.AndthenIremindmyself,Icatch
uptowhatItypelater.Ijusttypewordsandthensomehow,Ireadthenmuchlater,andIsee
whatIdid.
Idonotunderstandwhatthatis,yetIdounderstandwhatthatis.TherenowyouknowIam
crazysonoarguingaboutthatanymore.Ipondersomeotherreligionssuchasvoodooand
witchcraftandpaganism,andIdetectvoodooisperhapsapurespiritbutithasbeentainted
bygreedandisolation,andIfeelthespiritofpaganismispurebutitisalsorulebasedand,
soisritualandphysicalbasedinsomerespects.

Thetruthis,whenthisspiritwaspurestitwas200,000yearsago.Theydidnothaverulesor
ritualsorlawsorisolation,therewasnosuchthing.Itwasjustthespirit,itwaspurespirit.
Peoplenotinthespiritcorruptthepurity.

Thespiritisinfinitysoitisimpossibletolabelit,astheJewssuggestwhentheydonotspell
thewordGod,butthatisaruleandagainstinfinity.Thatissuggestingcontrol,DONTdothis.
Wellthespiritiscorruptwhenamannotinthespiritstartssuggestingwhatisandwhatisnot.
Thatappliesallthewayaround.Dothisorelse,thatsisolationthatsnotinfinity.
Itisnotthatcomplicated.Thebattleiswithinonesself,asinselfcontrol,asinconditioningones
selfawayfromemotionssooneisnotdestroyedbyemotionsandthesymptomsofemotions.
ThatiswhyBuddhaorBuddhismorthemonksIhavespokentoalwayssuggestdonttryso
hard.Youdonotneeddrugsorritualsorsacredholidaysthatisnotgoinggetyouto
conditionawayfromemotions,prayerisnoteither.
Yousaveallthattimefromdoingthatstuffandworkonnotinsultingpeoplewhentheyinsult
you.Youworkongivingawaymoneywhenyousay,Ineedtosaveeverycent.,thatsthe
battle.Dontjustthrowyourmoneyaway,butleaveanicetip,lettheclerkkeepthechangeonce
inawhile.Startsayingperhapsalot,becauseemotionalpeoplewillsay,Yourweirdforsaying
perhapssomuch.Thenyouhaveemotionstoblockbecauseyouwillwanttoinsultthem.
Itiscomplextograspthisconcept,Dowhateveryouthinkyoushouldnotdo.

63

Itappearstobegoingagainstwhatonethinksislogical.
IwilluseascenariofromthegamebecausenowIunderstandwhatIdid.

Thereisthisbigmonsterthatmyfriendsalllikedtohuntforfun.
TheywouldmessagemeandsuggestIgowiththembecausetheyknewIhadskillstohandle
themonster.Iwasawareitwasabadsituationduetothemonsterbeingjustsimplyoutofmy
league,butthemonsterlootedbigmoney.

Sotheymessagedmeandsaid,comejoinusforthefun.AndIreallyhadtroublenotgoingat
first.Itappearedtobetherightthing,yetwhenthehuntwasover,thepeoplewhereallbroke,
andupsetanddisappointedandangryandregretfulthattheyattemptedsuchadifficultmonster
withtheirskills.
ThenIunderstoodthispeerpressuresituation,Comejoinusforfun.,wasanillusion.
Itisuniversal,comewithusouttotheclubforfun.,Livealittle,Donttakelifeso
seriously.,itisallthesamespiritIseenow.ItisthespiritofignorancedisguisedasFUNor
disguisedasinviting.
Ihadtolearntolietomyfriends.Theywouldsuggest,Comewithus,IwouldsayIambroke.
Ihadsomefriendswhoweregoodfriendsinthegameandtheywantedtohuntwithme,but
theywouldsuggestmonstersoutoftheirleagueandknowIcouldhandlethem,andthenthey
woulduseahugegunandIwouldusealittlegun,andtheywouldtakeadvantageofmeandI
hadtoeventuallyletthemgo.
Ihadtoletthemknow,Inolongercouldassociatewiththem.IhadtoletgooffriendshipsthatI
couldseewerehinderingmyprogression.Thatisaformofisolation,butitisonlyrequiredtoget
tothenosenseoftimeandnoemotions.
Soitiscomplex.Somethingsarerequiredtogettothetopofthemountain,butonceatthetop,
thenconceptsnolongerapply.Thisiswhatselfcontrolisallabout.Oneearnstheirstripesso
tospeak.Itisdifficulttodealwithselfcontrolatthetop.Thebattlewithinisnotsomethingone
winsandthenitiseasyroad,itismorelike,Onegetstonosenseoftimeandnoemotionsand
thenthebattlegetsheated.

Thentheselfcontrollessonsmattermorethanever.Iperceiveitissimilartoamedicalstudent,
theylearnhowtobeadoctorandthentheystarttoworkintheER,andtherealfunbeginsso
tospeak.
ThisconceptThebattleiswithinissimplysaying,onehastogothroughhelltogettoheaven,
butonceinheaventhebattlewithhellbegins.Thereisnoendtothebattle.
Thebattleisneverwon.Ithasitsupsidesanddownsides.Butthebattleragesdayandnight.
Everysinglecommunicationwithanotherhumanbeingisabattle.Buddhasuggestedthis
strategicwordingaspect,andonewhohasreachedthetopofthemountain,mustthink
carefullyhowtorespondtoeverysentence.Everyresponseisauniverseuntoitself,itisabattle
untoitself.Thereisnoletup.Itisverysimpletohavealoosetongue,thattakesnoeffortthat
takesnostrategy.Iamtalkingaboutcusswords,cusswordsmeannothing,thereisnosuch
thingasabadword.Ifonereachesthetopofthemountainandtheycussallthewaythere,itis

64

stillthetopofthemountain.Funnythingis,cusswordsareemotional.Theyalmostbecome
irrelevant,maybebecauseyouhavetomasterlanguageagainanditishardenoughwithout
complicatingitwithcusswords.Itisastrugglewhenonesaysthingstheyperceiveareproper
sentencesandthenotherssay,thatwasdeep,orWhatkindofdrugsareyouon.Anditlooks
likenothingcomplicated.Afriendofminewhoisatthetopsuggestedassumeeveryoneelse
iscrazy.
IsuggestedthisbeforebutIpondereditandunderstood,itiswisetoneverassumeyouare
crazy.
Ifyouthinkyouarecrazybecauseotherssayyouare,thatisaproblem.ThisquoteWhen
everyonearoundyouislosingtheirmindkindofspirit.Youworkwithyourselfandgettoknow
yourself,andignoreothersessentially.

Theyareontheirownpath,gettingtothetopisprioritynumberone.
Religionorspiritualityorselfcontrolisthemostimportantthinginlife.Withoutthatself
controltotheextentonesbecomeenlightenedthereisnolife,lifeisnotpossible.
Itisjustmindfulhell,soitisnotlife.Thatisnotsayingenlightenedonesaregoodorbetter,it
isjustsaying,thereisadifference.

Lifeisnotaboutrulesandotherpeopleandritualsandmaterialstuff,lifeisaboutyou.Without
youthereisnolifeandwithoutlifethereisnoyou.Itisallhereforyou,anditisallaboutyou.
Everythingelseisjustemotionalconditioningtoolsforyoutobetteryourselffrom.Theyareina
truesenseoftheword,illusions.Youcanallowthemtohurtyouoryoucanmanipulatethemto
betteryourself.Itisallaboutyou.
IfItriedtomakeasentenceIthoughtsomeonewouldunderstandIwouldneverfinisha
sentence.
Igaveupthatbattleafterthefirstsentenceofthefirstbook.
Itisnotinthecardsforme,somehowintheworldIamin,languagenolongerworks.Iwould
bepleasedtodosomesortofvideotapeconcept,butIdonotthinktheverbalwordswoulddo
anybetterbecauseIgetthesameresultsinperson.
IunderstandwhathashappenedtomebutIamunabletoexplainitfullytoyou,thatiswhyI
pumpabookatleasteverymonth,andthelastbookIpumpedoutwas80kwordsandIhave
sometimetowaitforthenextbooktobepaidfor,like8days,andthisbookIstarted3daysago
maybeisupto26kwords,andsothatmeansIneedtoholdbackabitbecauseIwillperhapsbe
upto80kwiththisonebefore8daysandthenIllstartthenextone.
Idonotcareifanyoneeverybuysthem.Whatdoesthatmeantome?Ilearnalotfromthem
andIlearnalotaboutmynewself,soIjustkeepwritingthemandputtingthemoutinpublicto
conditionmyselfawayfromthatfearofwhatotherthinks.
IdonotcarewhatothersthinkandIproveiteverysingletimeIpublishabook,soIampleased
withtheconditioningaspectofthat.Idothingstohelpmyself,andifothersarehelpedthatis
theirbusiness.

65

Idonotwanttogobacktoemotions.IunderstandIcannotgoback,butIamnotgoingtosettle
forthat.ThefurtherIgointothis,thefurtherIgetawayfromgoingback.Soperhapsonecould
suggestIhaveanovercompensatingcomplex,butagoodone.
Iamawarepeoplearegoingtoreadthesebooks,Ijustunderstandthat,Iknowpeoplebeyond
myfriendswillreadthesebooks,Iunderstandwhatthesebooksaregoingtodoasfaraschange
things,Iamawareofallthat,butIamnotabletoworryorbenervousaboutit.

Ipreferpressurebecauseitisagoodopportunitytoconditionmyselffurther.
Thereisquiteabitofconditioningthathappenstopublishthismess.Iunderstandthesebooks
arehelpfultomanypeople.Science,medical,philosophy,religionandjustpeopleingeneral,but
Iamnotwritingtopleasethemorsatisfytheirtastes,Iamwritingtogetitoutofmysystem
andtoprovetomyself,IcandoanythingIsetmymindto.,andtherearenolimits.Thereare
nolimits.Thereisnosettling.Thatisperhapsthemostimportantlessonofall,neversettle,why
wouldyouhaveto?Youdonothavetoeversettleforanythingever,ever,ever.

Itdoesnotmatterwhatitis,takewhatyouget,butdontsettleforit.Striveforthenextstep.Do
notsetyourselfupforfailure.Onceatthetop,whensubconsciousisunlocked,itwillallmake
sense.Itseemslikeitmaybearoughclimb,buttherealclimbiswhenyougethere.

Donotunderestimatethat.
Perhapsonecouldlookatitlike,gettingtothetopisbootcamp,andonceatthetopthatswhen
combatstarts.

PonderJesusforamoment,hisbattlestartedwhenhestartedspeakinginthesynagogues,but
therealbattlewaswhenhecametoformsotospeak.Hewasnotoneasystreet.Eveninlast
dayshehadselfdoubt.Sothetopisnottheend,thetopiswhereitgetshot.
IhavenotreadmanyofBuddhawordsbecausethetwosentencesIknowDonttakethewords
ofablindmanaskquestions.andthemiddlewayconcept,whereonestaysinthemiddleofthe
fence,havesomanymeanings.ThenTheQuran,Ihaventeventouchedonthatmuch,thenthe
TorahandthentheBible.Ihavesomuchtowriteabout,itseemsdaunting.ButIunderstandfully
thatiswhatIamgoingtodoandthentheHinduaspect,andthenIwilldowhatIcantocover
physicsandanythingelsethatpopsup.Nothingisoutofmyrangeandnothingisoutofyour
range,ever.

Thereisnoneedtoallowlifetocontrolyou.Youarethecomposer,lifeisyourpalette.
Yourselfisnotgoingtoletyoudown.
Therearetwobooksintheworldrightnow,thatarearesultofthisaccident.Itdoesnotmatter
iftheyaregoodorbad,properorimproper,whatisimportantis,Ididnotallowtheworldto
convincemetonotpublishwhatIperceivedareimportantsentences.Ididnotallowtheworld
tocomposeme.WithoutemotionsIwasabletooverlookthecomplicationsandseethereareno
complications,onlytheillusionofcomplications.

66

IponderphysicsaftertheaccidentbecauseIperceiveanattractiontoit.Ihaveattemptedto
speakwithsomeinvolvedinitandsomecatchaglimpseofwhatIamsayingbutIunderstandit
isnothittinghome.
Thereisnotime.Thereissomethinghappeningthatisleadingtoasensationofwhatisdefined
astime.Buttherealityis,thereisnotime.Iamveryawareofwhatbeingawareoftimewaslike,
andIamveryawarenowofwhatnosenseoftimeislike,andthereisahugedifference.

Physicsbaseseverysinglethingitknowsandunderstandsandexperimentsontheprinciple
thereistime,andonlyonepersonintheentirefieldhaseverattemptedtoexplainthereisno
timeandnoonegotit.EinsteinreallytriedhishardestandIunderstandwhyhewascautious,
becausetheyallassumedhewascrazyanywaybeforehebecamepopular.
Whenoneisinastatewheretheysensethereistime,itisessentiallyanuphillbattletosuggest,I
hadanaccidentplayingavideogame,andIcanassureyouthereisnotime.
Timeissimplyasymptomofemotionsorvisaversa.Itdoesnotexistexceptinapersonshead
whohasemotions.
Sonoamountofcalculationsaregoingtomakeupforthat.
Itisprettysillythatthespeedoflightisgoingsofastpersecond,whenonejustconsidersifthere
isnotime,thespeedoflightjustis.Lightjustis.Itisnotgoingthatfast,itjustappearstogothat
fastbecauseallyourcalculationsarebasedontime.Timeisrelativetotheobserver.Thatmeans
ifyoumakeanequationthatfactorsintimeyoucanmakelightgothatfast.Justbecause
particlesgoaroundanacceleratordoesnotmeantimeexists.
Itisknownincertainpartsoftheuniversetimedoesnotexist,itisknownlightisunableto
escapeablackhole.Ifeverysinglehumansuggeststimeexistsandonepersonsuggestsitdoes
notbecausetheyperceivethereisnotime.Onlyonecanberight.
Themajoritydoesnotmatter.Itisallrelativetowhoisdoingtheviewing.Mybodyisdoing
thingsthatsuggestitisawarethereisnotime.Mytasteisnearlygone,mysenseoftouchand
painislimited.So,itisnotmesayingthereisnotime,mybodyisalsoawarethereisnotime.Itis
abitbeyondthetheorystagewhenonesactualbodyfunctioningisshowingsymptomsitisnot
awareoftime.Whenonesactualthoughtprocessesareshowingsymptomsthereisnotime,itis
beyondthetheorystage.
Thereisnotheorytoprovebecausemybodyistheproof.Itislivinginrelationtothereisno
time.Iamonlyabletothinkfromsentencetosentence.Ihavenoshorttermmemoryinrelation
topastorfuture,yetmymemoryisintact,Iamjustnotabletofunctionthoughtwise,likeIused
towhenIhadasenseoftime.

Thisisnotsomeideasomeonehad,thisisreality.Whenonesactualbodyisshowingsignsitis
notawareoftime,thereisnotime.Theproblemwithasenseoftimeisemotions.Without
emotionsIhavenosenseoftimeandwithemotionsIhadasenseoftime.Sotheemotionsare
whatcausethesensationoftime.Butinrealitythereisnotime,becausewhentheemotionsare
gone,onesbodyoperatesinanosenseoftimemode.
Thismeans,whenemotionsaregone,oneunderstandsreality,thatthereisnotime,andwhen
emotionsarepresent,oneperceivestime.Sowithmajoremotionstimeismoreobviousand

67

withabsenceofemotionstimeisgone.Iunderstandthingsappeartobeaging,butwhocan
provethat?Noonecanprovethat,yesastargetsoldanditsgassesburnoff,thatdoesnt
provethereistime.Thecruxofthematteris,ifthereistime,theuniverseisfinite.Ifthereisno
timetheuniverseisinfinite.SincetheaccidentallIseeisinfinityeverywhere.Youcanlookin
telescopesbacktothebeginningoftimeandsuggest,timeexists.Butthatisbecausetimeis
somedefinition.
Timeiswhatoneswantsittobe.Istherereallyasecond.Istherereallyaminute?Noway.Itis
relativetotheobserver.Youmakeasecondhandthereisasecond.Thereasonextremely
emotionalpeopleareunabletositstillforlongorconcentrateforlongisbecausetheirsenseof
timeisspedup.
Oneminuteforthemislike20seconds,sotheyappearfidgetyandunabletositstillforlong.
Thenyouhavepeoplewhoarelessemotionalwhocanconcentrateforhoursandnotnotice,
thenyouhavepeoplewithnosenseoftimeandnoemotions,andthatistheextreme.Theyhave
nohunger,noabilitytoperceivewhentheylastdidsomething.Theyareunabletoperceivewhat
fiveminutesis.Unabletoperceivewhatoneminuteis.Iusedtobeabletounderstandwhenfive
minutespassedor15minutes,nowitisimpossible.Iwillgogetsomethingtodrinkandsetit
down,and8hourslaterIwilllookupandthereitis,andIrealizedItotallyforgotaboutit.There
isnosenseoffutureorpast,itisalljustpresent.
Iamunabletoperceive10secondshavepassed.Itryveryhardtofeelwhat10secondspassing
islike,andIamunabletodoit.Thereisnosenseoftimeatallandtheonlyfactoris,Ihaveno
emotions.
Soitisjustlikeeverythingelse.Thisaccidentknockedmeintopsychosisorintoreality.Thereis
nootherexplanation.
Thegoodnewsis,Ionlyaccomplishtheimpossible.

Timeisacomponentofthemeasuringsystemusedtosequenceevents,tocomparethe
durationsofeventsandtheintervalsbetweenthem,andtoquantifythemotionsofobjects.
Timehasbeenamajorsubjectofreligion,philosophy,andscience,butdefiningtimeinanon
controversialmannerapplicabletoallfieldsofstudyhasconsistentlyeludedthegreatest
scholars.
Wikipedia.com
LuckilyIamahorriblescholar.
Timeisaninventedmeasuringsystemusedtosequenceeventsforhumansthatperceivethereis
time.Oneswithemotionshaveasenseoftime,andtimeissequentialbased,consciousmind
thinkssequentially,subconsciousmindthinksrandomnlyorrandomaccess.SoIhaveno
emotionsnosenseoftime,andthusunlockedmysubconscious,whichiswhyIamunabletosaty
ontopicforverylongbecauseIamallovertheplacewhenIwritebecauseIamthinkingwith
randomaccesspower,butIperceiveeverythingissayingthesamething.SoIamnotofftopicto
myself,everythingisthetopic.
Timeisinventedtoquantifythemotionofobjects,sohumanscanconvincetheirselfobjectsare
inmotion.

68

EinsteinsuggestedthatGalileosprincipleofuniformmotionisrelativetotheobserver.And
Einsteinssuggestedthereisnouniformstateofrest,inhispaperelectrodynamicsofmoving
bodies
Hesuggestedthespeedoflightisthesameforallobserversregardlessofthestateofmotionof
theobserver.
Why?
Causelightisnotmoving.
Iwillattemptthestraightforwardapproachandthengettotheconfusingdetails.
Thereisonlypresent.
IunderstandthatnearlynohumanwouldunderstandthatsoIwillgointotheconfusingdetails.
Timesuggestsageanddecayandend.Timeisnotpossibleforthatreasonalone.
Anatomcannotdie.
Anatomsimplygoesfromonestatetoanotherintoinfinity.
E=Mc2issimplysaying,nothingishappeningjustatomsgofromonecompoundtoanother.
Iftherewasreallytime,thatatomwouldgettiredandeventuallydie.
Everyoneunderstandswecamefromstardustandeverythingjustkeepsrecycling.
Ifonehasasenseoftimetheywillbeunabletounderstandthereisnotime.
Timeisrelativetotheobserver,becausetheobserverisunabletogettheirheadaroundthe
factthereisnotime,unlesstheobserverhasnosenseoftime.
Remindyourelf,Ihadasenseoftimeuntilthisaccidentoffourmonthsagoandnowmysense
oftasteisgoneessentiallybecauseIhavenoaftertaste.Mybodyisnotabletoprocessafter
tastebecausemybodyisawarethereisnotime,becausethisaccidentknockedmeintoreality.
Asenseoftimetheobserverhas,createsasenseoffatigueintheobserver.Ahumanwitha
senseoftimegetsfatigued,ortiredafterthinkingforaperiod,sotheyneedtogostretch,they
needtogotakeabreak,getabreathoffreshair.Thesearesymptomsoneperceivesthereis
time.Theyarenotreallyhappening.Afterthisaccident,Iwillsitfor12hoursstraightandnever
getthesensation,Ineedtogostretch,ortakeabreakorgetabreathoffreshair.Thatfatigueno
longerexists,ever.IamwideawakefromthemomentIawakefromsleepuntilthemomentI
gobacktosleep.ThereisnosenseoftimepassingbecauseIperceivethereisnotime,andmy
bodyshowstheeffectsitisawarethereisnotime.
Iwilljustbashthistimeconceptinsothoroughly,therewillnotimelefttoobserve.Thatismy
strategy.
Iknowthereisnotime,becauseyouareallstillhere.
Spacetimeentailsanewconceptofdistance.WhereasdistancesinEuclideanspacesare
entirelyspatialandalwayspositive,inspecialrelativity,theconceptofdistanceisquantifiedin
termsofthespacetimeintervalbetweentwoevents,whichoccurintwolocationsattwo
times:
(spacetimeinterval),
where:
cisthespeedoflight,
tandrdenotedifferencesofthetimeandspacecoordinates,respectively,betweenthe
events.

69

Wikipedia.com

Soc=0andthattrianglethingyisalso0.Thereisnodifferencebetweenthetimeandspace
coordinatebecausethereisnotime.
IunderstandwhyEinsteindidnotsay,thereisnotime.Heunderstoodsomeonewouldcome
alongeventuallyandunderstandthereisnotime,andthenlookatalltheseequationsandsee
theequationsareright,justthespeedoflightiswrong.
Speedoflightis0ornothappening.Differencebetweentimeandspacecoordinatesis0.
Differencebetweenevents,issayingtimeagain.Thereisnodifferencebetweeneventscause
thereisnotime.
Iwillattemptthisagain,thereisnotime.AndIamawareIsaid,again,andnowyouthinkIhave
asense,butthatissimplythelanguageistimebased.Itisimpossibletocommunicatethereisno
timewithalanguagethatistimebased.TheonlywordinalloflanguagethatisrelativeisAM.
Thatdenoteseverythingisonlyoperatinginthepresent.
Everythinggetsoldanddies.Thatdenotestimeagain.Thereisnotime.Thingsareinthepresent
andasaclockgoesbythingsarestillinthepresent,onejustthinkstimehasgoneby.Because
theymadeaclockthattellstime,andnowtheythinktheremustbetimelookattheclock.My
bodyisaclockanditisconvincedthereisnotime,afterthisaccident.Mymindisconvinced
thereisnotimeafterthisaccident.Aclockisnotreality,mymindandmybodyisreality.
Mymindandmybodyareunabletobebias.Theyareunabletolietotheirself.

Timelikeinterval

Fortwoeventsseparatedbyatimelikeinterval,enoughtimepassesbetweenthemforthere
tobeacauseeffectrelationshipbetweenthetwoevents.Foraparticletravelingatlessthan
thespeedoflight,anytwoeventswhichoccurtoorbytheparticlemustbeseparatedbya
timelikeinterval.Eventpairswithtimelikeseparationdefineapositivesquaredspacetime
interval(s2>0)andmaybesaidtooccurineachother'sfutureorpast.
Themeasureofatimelikespacetimeintervalisdescribedbythepropertime:

Theseequationsarefunnybecauseeverythingtheydoarebasedonthefacttheyassumethere
istime.
Hereismyequationandyouattempttodisproveit.
S=speedoflight=0
E=events=0
T=Totaltime
S+E=T
Ijustprovedthereisnotime.
Youcannotdisprovethatequation.Itisimpossible.Youcanattempttoconvincemethereis
timesothatequationiswrong,butyoucannotconvincemybodythereisnotime,youcannot

70

convincemymind,becausetheyaredoingthingsasasymptomtheyunderstandthereisno
time.Somymindandbodydonotcarewhatyourwordssay,yourwordsdoaffectreality,and
mybodyandmindareawareofreality.

Illtrytoexplainwithoutusingtime.
ThereisonlyAM.Youareunabletoshowthepresentdoesnotexist.Youknowthepresent
exists,becausethatiswhatyoubasepastandfutureon.Sojusteliminatepastandfutureand
thenyouareleftwithpresent.Thatistheonlywaytolookatit.
Onehourfromnow,itwillstillbethepresent,1000billionyearsfromnow,itwillstillbethe
present.
Sogetallyourequationsandattempttodisprovethat.

Youcannot,sothatprovesthereisonlypresent,youarejustinastateofbelievingthereispast
andfuturebecauseyouhavenotconditionedyouremotionsawayproperlyusingmentalself
control.Soyouhaveasenseoftime,andthusarespendingyourwholelifemakingupequations
basedontime,soyouarespendingyourwholelifemakingupequationthatareinerrorand
everythingyoudo,isinerrobecauseyoubaseeverythingontheonepresmsie,thereistime,
becauseyoudidnotproperlyturntheothercheekonemotionstobeginwith,soyouwould
unlockyoursubconsciousandalsohavenosenseoftime.Allemotionsdoismakeyouthink
thereistime,andalsokeepsyoursubconsciousunlocked,andsoyouonlyuseadumbpartof
yourmind,andsoyoumakemistakes,andallthisworkyouhavebeendoingbasedontime,is
proofalloneiscapableofdoingwithemotionsactiveismakemistakes.Nowyouhaveachoice.
Youcankillyourselfmentallyandencourageyouremotionsandyoursenseoftimefurtherby
attemptingtodisprovewhatyoujustread,oryoucanturntheothercheekandcondition
yourselfintounlockingsubconscious,andsubmit,whatyoujustreadisreality.DonotassumeI
carewhatyourchoiceis,yourchoice,isyourchoice,alone.

Theillusionoftimeiscausedbyyourperceptionandbelievedbyyourmindandbody,andyour
mindandbodyshowsymptomsitisconvincedthereistime,soyouwalkaroundthinkingthereis
time,andyourbodywalksaroundshowingsymptoms,andthenyouareconvincedthereistime.
Butinrealitythereisonlypresent.
YouareunabletoconvincemethereistimebecauseIusedtohaveasenseoftime.Iunderstand
whatthatislike.Iamonlyabletoconvinceyouthereisnotime,becauseIunderstandthe
differencebetween,havingasenseoftime,andhavingnosenseoftime.Youareunableto
provetomethereistime,becauseIhaveaspookythingcalledperspective,whichyoudonot
have,inrelationtotime.Youdonothavetheperspectiveofwhatasenseoftimeislikeandthen
whatnosenseoftimeislike.Ido,soIam.

RemindyourselfifyougethappyorsadfromwhatIamsayingtocountto10andblockthose
emotionssoyouwillhavenosenseoftimewithinaboutthreemonthsandthenthiswillallmake
sense.

71

Inrelativity,propertimeistimemeasuredbyasingleclockbetweeneventsthatoccuratthe
sameplaceastheclock.
Propertimeistime.
Propertimeistimemeasuredbyaclockthattellstime.
Propertimeistimemeasuredbyaclockthattellstimeandthusprovesthateventsoccur.So
obviouslytimeandeventsexistbecausethatclockprovesitandweinventedawordcalledtime
andsothatprovesit,butmybodycantreadsoithasnosenseoftime,sowhodoyouthinkis
right?
Itallcomesbacktomedoesntit.Itisveryeasytosaytome,Yourjustaliar.ButthenIcanjust
sayNoyourjustoutoftouchwithreality.ThenyouwillsuggestThenyourealiarcauseyou
areinsane.ThenIwillsuggestNo,youaredelusionalbecauseyouareoutoftouchwithreality.
Askmybody.
Iunderstandsomearestartingtogetmypointhere.
Ifonewantstheretobesomething,itwillbethere.
Isitreallythere?No.Itisrelativetotheobserver.
Timeisrelativetotheobserver.
Thatiswhatthetheoryofrelativityis.Itisawellmaskedinsidejoke,byahumanbeingthathad
nosenseoftime,andthejokeisrevealedtoyou,afterheisgonebecauseheknewyouwould
allbepissedoffwhenthejokewasexplainedtoyou.
Iwillexplainthejokeproperly.
Thetheoryofrelativitysimplystates.Thereisnothingunlessyousayso.
Ifyousaythereis,andwriteamillionsbookandsaythereis,thenitmustbetrue.
Ifyousaythereistime,thentheremustbetime,butmybodyisunabletoreadandallitknows
isthereisnotime.
Einsteinwasnotaphysicist,hewasajokesterandhisjokewasrealizedjustnow.
Yougoaheadandwriteallyourequationsdown,anddoallyourexperiments,andthen
somethingwillexistbecauseyouproveditdoes.
Theoryofrelativityisanicewaytosay,Iftheoneswhoareoutoftouchwithreality,suggest
theyareintouchwithreality,thatprovestheyarenot.
Youcanwalkaroundandprovethereistimeallyouwant,andallyouwillprovetome,isyouare
outoftouchwithreality.
Youdonthavetotrysohardtoproveyouareoutoftouchwithreality,becauseIalready
understandyouare,bytheequationsandclocksyoubelievein.
Iunderstandhowyouare,becauseIusedtobelievethethingsyoustillbelieve.Goplaythis
videogameforabout6monthsandthencall.
Turntheothercheekforaboutthreemonthsandthenadjustyourequationsaccordingly.
Einsteinissofunnybecausehepretendedtobeinterestedinphysics.Hisrealmotivationwas
toprovetosciencehowsillyitwas.
IunderstandyoudonotwanttobelieveyouphysicistsarethebuttofEinsteinsmassivejoke.
Butyouare.
YouareunabletounderstandwhoyouareupagainstwithEinstein,nowyouunderstandwho
youareupagainst.

72

Youknowheissmartandspecialbutyouhadnoidea,andtowhatdegree.
Nowyoudoknowtowhatdegree.
Hedidwhathedid.
Itdidnttakearocketscientisttofigureitout.
Iwillmakethisperfectlyclearforthosewhoaretotallylost.
Mybodyunderstandsandshowssymptomsthereisnotime.Yourbodyunderstandsandshows
symptomsthereistime.
Iamnotsuggestingthereisnotime.Iamsuggestingtheconceptoftimedoesnotexist.
Illtryitagain.
Iamnotsayingmybodyjustthinksthereisnotimeandyourbodyjustthinksthereistime.
Iamsayingthiswholeideaoftime,isanillusion.
Timeitselfissimplyanillusion.Nothingishappening,youjustperceiveitis.Youattemptto
provethingsandthenyoudo.Youattempttobelievetimeexistsandthenlookitdoesallaround
us.PerhapsyouneedtoconsiderwhytimerecordingasindatesasinBCandADandevenbefore
thatonlygoesback10,000yearsifthat.Humanshavebeenaround200,000yearsandyouthink
humansweretoodumbtorecordtime.
Thetruthis,humansdidnotbecomesodelusionaltheythoughttherewastimeuntil10,000
yearsagoorso.Nowyouareveryconfusedandsayingthennothingisreal.YesthatiswhatIam
sayingandyouwillattempttoprovesomethingdoesuntilyoureachastateofunderstandingthe
onlythingthatisrealinrealityisthemindandthoughtscausedbythemind.
Oneisunabletoproveathought.ItdoesnotweightanythingitisdetectableinEEGsandothers
forms,butthatdoesnotcontrolitorisolateit.Itisnottangible.Itistheonlythingthatexists
anditisnotprovable.Yes,IbetterbebeyondimaginationinsanebecauseifIamnot,youare
beyondimaginationinsane.IdonotmeanIasinTodd,ImeanIasinsubconsciousTodd
unlockedfully.
YouareunabletoholdaconversationwithmesoyoubetterstartinsultingToddbecauseifyou
wanttodiscussit,Iwillexplainitandyouwillunderstandwhatyouhavebeendoingyourentire
existence.NOTHING.
Youwillneverbeabletounderstandthepowerofsubconscioussoyoujustkeepdetecting
illusions.
Donthatemeanddontloveme,attempttoblockthoseemotions.
Iamarenegade,IprefertoprovetoeveryonehowsillytheyareandthenIsuggestwaystoavoid
beingsosilly.
Iprefertosuggestoneswithemotionsareinsane,thenexplaintothemhowtobecomesane,by
turningtheothercheekproperlyforthreemonths,andthenIconvincethemtheyshoulddo
that,andsotheywilldothat,soithappens.
IprefertodoeverythingbecauseIunderstand.
Iprefertocomposeeverything,becauseIcan,soIdo.
Iam.
Whoisnext.

Mygirlboughtacopyofmyfirstbook.

73

Thefirstbookssalesexceededmyexpectations.
MygirlperhapsperceivesIamhersbutItrickedherintobuyingoneofmybooks,soI
understandwhoiswearingthepants.
Onewhoisabletotrickanotheroneintobuyingthesepoorlywrittenbookshasinfinitepowers
perhaps.
WhenmygirldiscoversIwrotethis,inthisbook,Iperhapswillnotbedoingmuchofanything,
formuchlonger.
Iwillattemptthistimedescriptionagain.

LighttakesXamountoftimetoreachtheearth.Like8minutesbasedonaclockthatamanwho
perceivesthereistimemade,inordertotellhimthereistime.
Soamanperceivedtimeandwasabletodeterminehowlongasecondwasbecausehecould
perceiveasecond,becausehehademotionsandasenseoftime.
Thenheinventedaminutebysuggestingifonecombines60secondstogetherthatisaminute.

Sothenhecreatedaclockthatshowssecondsandminutesandsothatclocktimedhowlong
lighttakestogettotheearthfromthesun.

Iwillattemptthistimedescriptionagain.

Authorhowlongdoyouperceiveittakestimetoreachtheearthfromthesunsinceyouhaveno
senseoftime?
Ittakesnotimeandittakesinfinitetimeattheexactsametime.
Authorthatisimpossible.
Yesitis.Anditisalsoreality.Einsteinsuggestedthewordspookybutperhapstheword
insaneorimpossible,worksjustaswell.
IhavenohungerordesireforfoodsoIhavetoremindmyselftoeatatleastonceaday.SoifI
amonamissiontomarshowmuchfooddoyouthinkIneed?Threemealsaday?WouldIbe
unhealthyeatingonemealadayandasmallmealatthat?YesIwouldbefarhealthierthan
someonewhoeatsthreemealsadaybecausemybodyisnaturallyinconservationmodeandso
itutilizeseverycalorieIeat.Mybodyissoefficientbecauseitunderstandseverysinglecalorie
mustbeusedwiselybecauseitisnotgoingtogetmanycalories.

Authorarentyouweakfromnoteatsomuch?
No.Ihavenoachesorpainsbecausemybodyunderstandsitisonlyinthepresent.Fatigueisa
symptomofonewhoperceivestime.Theremindisinastateofexpectingtimeandsothere
bodyisexpectingfatigue.Aboxertrainsfor3minuterounds.Attheendofthreeminutesthat
boxersbodyisexpectingtobetired.Aboxerwhodoesnotperceivestime,theirbrainandbody,

74

trainsforinfiniteminutesandnevergivestheirbodyachancetoexpecttobetired.Iamableto
overtrainveryeasilyandharmmyself.OntheflipsideIamunabletogettired.

Tiredisasymptomthebrainperceivestimeandsothebodyperceivesitistiring.
IfIwasdyingIwouldperceivetodieinfinitelyslowandinnotimeatall,attheexactsametime.
Onecanstandoutsideonthegroundandscreamintoinfinitythatiswheretheyare.Theycan
buildahugebunkerandsitinitandscreamThisiswhereIam.Thatdoesnotmeanthatis
wheretheyare.ThatiswhyEinsteinsaidthewordspooky.
Youareexactlywhereyouthinkyouare.Youareexactlywhereyouperceiveyouare.Youare
exactlywhereyourbrainsperceptionsuggestsyouare.Thatsaprettybigballpark.
Thatisaninfinitelylargeballpark.Whereyouareinrealityisnowhere.Earthisexactlywhere
wesayitisonthemaps.Ofcourseweassumetheuniverseisfinite.Iftheuniverseisinfinite,
wherearewe?Wearenowhereandeverywhereattheexactsametime.Thatisspooky.
Wecanallmakeclocksthattelldifferenttime.Oneclockcansayits120secondinaminuteand
anothercansaythereisinfinitesecondsinaminute.Bothclockswillgivedifferentreadings
whenmeasuringhowlongittakeslighttogettoearthfromthesun.Bothmeasurementsare
exactlyrightattheexactsametime.
Lightisnttravelingjustyourclockis.Youmadethatclocktotelltimesoitistellingtime.Does
thatmeanlighttravels?No.WecanuseHubbletolookbacktothebeginningofthebigbang.
Doesthattelescopereflectrealityordoesthattelescopeshowuswhatwemadeittoshowus?
Doesapicturelie?Ifonemakesacamera,andthatcameraisunabletodetecteverysinglething
intheuniverseinthatpicture,thenthatpicturelies.
Ifonetakesapicturewithblackandwhitefilmdoesthatmeanthereisnocolor?Yesitdoesand
noitdoesntattheexactsametime.Spooky.
Ifonemakesacameratoonlytakeapictureofheliumgasthentheonlypicturesitwilltakeare
ofheliumgas.Doesthatmeanthereisheliumgas?Noandyesattheexactsametime.Spooky.
Itisallrelativetotheobserver.Iampleasedyouareunderstandinghowmanylightyears
Einsteinwasaheadinhismind,fromalltheothers.Hecouldnottellyouexactlywhathesaw
becauseyouwouldnotbeabletohandleit.Youwouldnotbeabletofacethereality,allyou
seeareillusionsbasedonyourbrainsperception.FromyourperspectiveitisinsanethatIam
abletolookatanycreatureandtellexactlyhowtheyaredoingwithmyvision,instantly.That
calledtelepathy.
Thatsimpossiblebasedonyourperceptionbecauseyoudonotunderstanditisreality.Youare
rightinsayingIaminsaneforbeinglikethat,andIamrightinsayingIamlikethat,attheexact
sametime.Itisnotpossibletoseesomeonewiththeireyesandfeelhowtheyfeelatthe
exactsametime.Visionissupposedtobelikeacameranotlikeatouchorfeelsensation.Yetit
is.

IamnotcomparingmyselftoEinstein.Hewasoneofakind.IsimplytookhisTheoryofRelativity
andproveditisaLawofRelativity.IwouldbeveryarroganttocomparemyselftoEinstein.

75

Itissimplythepowerofthebrain.Thebrainisspecial.Someunderstandhowspecialandsome
wishtheycouldunderstandhowspecial.
Someunderstandbecauseofanaccidentandotherswishtheyhadthataccident.Itisnot
impossibletofeelwithvisionitissimplyamatterofperceptionwhichcanbeadjustedthrough
conditioning.Theleastofmyabilitiesafterthisaccidentistelepathy.
KnowingthefuturefarinadvanceandattemptingtoproveIamwrongandneverbeingableto
pullitoffisalsotheleastofmyabilities.
ItellpeopletoavoidmybookssoImightbewrongonceaboutsomething.Imisspellthewords
andneverproofreadanythinginhopesIamwrongaboutsomething.Icannotseemtobewrong
anymoreaftertheaccident.Iwouldbehappytowakeupandhearnoneofmybookseversold
morethanonecopy,andeveryonethinkIamcrazy,andeveryonejustignoresme,andeveryone
justseesIlostmymindfromplayingavideogametomuch.
ButIalreadyfullyknowthatisnotgoingtohappen.Peopleknowsomethingwhentheyseeit.I
prefertonotbeinthesituationIaminandattheexactsametimeIwouldnottradeallthe
knowledgeandvaluablesintheuniverseinpaymenttotakeawaywhatIamrightnow.

IamthesameToddIeverwasphysically,butIambeyondunderstandingmentally,andeven
beyondunderstandinguntomyself.Sonothinghaschangedandtheuniversehaschangedatthe
exactsametime.IwillquotesomeoneIadmiretosumofmyfeelings,Spooky.Iunderstand
fullyeverysinglehumanbeingisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirperceptionwhichis
relatedtothebrain.SoIamunabletoholdjudgmentsbecausewhenIseeanyhumanwithmy
visionIcanfeelwhattheyreallyareandifmyemotionswereanythingmorethansilencedI
wouldphysicallydiefromoverloadtothesystem.
SoIamunabletoeversuggestanyoneisanythingbutperfectbecauseIhavefeltotherhumans
withmyvisionandIamunabletoarguewithwhatIfeelasaresultofvision.Thefeelingis
burnedintomymindjustlikeamemoryofaneventonesees.Combatsoldiersdonotcome
backwithPTSDbecausetheysawadeadbody,theycomebackwiththetelepathicmemoryof
whattheyfeelwhenthesawsomethingincombat.Theykilltheirselfsometimesbecausethat
memoryissovivid,thedifferenceis,IlostmyemotionalcapacitysoIamabletodealwithit
better,butIagreeandhavecompassionforthem,becauseifIhademotionsinanycapacity
greaterthansilenced,itwouldbeunbearabletomealso.Justlookingatahumanbeinginacalm
situationisunbearable,orbeyondunderstanding.
Itisalmostlikeadrug.IdonotseethemasmuchvisuallybecausewhatIfeelfromthe
visionissopowerfulitnearlysilencesthevisionaspect.Itislikeafullvolumeradio(feelingfrom
vision)andthenapindropping(seeingfromvision).Onedoesntevennoticethepindropping.
Spookythingaboutitis,IamonlyfourmonthintothisaccidentandIappeartobegetting
strongerbythehour,ifnotminute,iftimeexisted.Spookywouldalsodescribethisfeeling
fromvisionworkswithpicturesalso.Icanlookatapictureofapersonandreadwhotheyare.
ThisoneguyoncesaidthewordSpooky.
PerhapsitispropertosuggestIamgettingbetterandbetterandIamfullyawarethereisno
endtohowbetterIcanget.OnemayperceiveIamunabletotophowIamrightnow,butI

76

understandIamnotevenwarmedupyet.IunderstandIhavenoevenstartedtogetwarmedup
yet.IllquotemygoodfriendEinstein,Spooky.
Perhaps,Iunderstandfullywhattheinsanedototheinnocentchildren,perhaps.
Perhaps,Iunderstandfullytheinsaneperhapsthrowmaterialobjects,andmoney,and
happiness,andjoyandanger,andspite,anddesires,andneeds,toperhapsexcitetheinnocents
emotions,andperhapsencouragetheinnocents,toperhapsassumeemotions,andperhaps
assumetheinsanity,theinsaneare,perhaps.
Perhaps,itisamiraclefromGod,Iamunabletofeelemotionsperhaps,likerevengeandpay
backperhaps.
PerhapsifIcouldperhaps,perhapsalltheinsanewouldperhapsunderstandthedefinitionof
gnashingofteeth,perhaps.
PerhapsIfIfelthateperhaps,andfeltspiteperhaps,andfeltneed,toperhapsgetrevenge
perhaps,andperhapsfeltdesiretoperhapsinflictsuffering,perhapssomewouldnotbepleased
tounderstandthat,perhaps.

Perhapstheinsaneshouldperhapsgooutoftheirway,perhapseverysingleday,toperhaps
ensureIperhapsnever,perhaps,ever,regainmyemotions,perhaps.
Perhaps,ifIperhapsregainemotions,perhapsIwillperhapsdedicatemylifeperhaps,toperhaps
helpingtheinsanetoperhaps,understandthetruedefinition,ofgnashingofteethperhaps,
purehellperhaps,andeternalsufferingperhaps,intoinfinity,perhaps.
PerhapsifyouthinkIperhapsstuttered,perhapstrypondering,perhaps.

Thelawnguycomestomowthelawn,buthereinFloridaithasbeenrathercoldforthelast
weeksothegrassisntevengrowing,buthecomestomowthelawntomakemoney.Thegrass
doesnotneedmowing,butheneedsmoney.Sohewastesgas,onthegrassthatdoesnotneed
mowing,sohecanmakemoney,becauseheneedsthatmoneytoaffordmoregas,sohecan
mowthegrassthatdoesnotneedmowing.
Donotevercallmeinsane,Iamabletodetectinsanity.
Insanitybegetsinsanity.

Theonewhoisreallyincontrolofeverything,istheonewhounderstandstheyareunableto
controlanything.

ItryashardasIcant.
Ifoneisnotgivingortryingtogive,thentheyjustdo.
Whentheeconomyisdonecollapsingmoneywontlooksoimportantandthenpeoplewilllook
importantagain

.
MonFeb2310:55PM
AtthistimeIrealizedthisbookisatotaldisaster,soIwillgracefullycompleteit,andthenIwill
havetotryagain.

77

IperceiveIamgettingthroughtopeoplebutthenIremindmyselfIamnotgettingthroughto
anyone.
Sofromhereonoutismyattempttogracefullyrecoverthisdisasterbook.
IunderstandnowIaminsaneandyouaresane.
IunderstandnowIamirresponsibleandyouareresponsible.
IwillprovetoyouIaminsaneandyouaresane.
IwillprovetoyouIamirresponsibleandyouareresponsible.
Iwillgoslowlyandgointogreatdetail.
Grabyoursnorkels.

Iwillstartwithajokethatusesarhymeinit,soitisarhymingjoke,whichisacomplexjoke.

IdontneedtobeshyaboutwhatIsay,becausenooneunderstandsitanyway.

SOMEtypesofmentalillnesssuchasbipolardisorder,OCD,andafewotherdisorderscan
haveahereditarycomponent.Butyouarenotgoingto"catchanything"justbeingarounda
familymemberorfriendwhoistotallyinsaneorhasmentalillness,unlesstheyhappento
perhapshaveacold.
Whattendstobemorecontagious,infamiliesandamongclosefriendsisACTINGliketheyare
insane.Butthatisabehavioralissue,notamentalhealthissue.
Answerbag.com

SoIaminsane,butatleastIamnotcontagious.
IfIwascontagiousImightgetverydepressed.
Itisirresponsibletoleaveonesfamily.
Itisirresponsibletoallowonetohityouandthenyouturntheothercheek.
Itisirresponsibletogiveyourmoneyawayfreely.
Itisirresponsibletodothingsthatareirresponsible.
Homelesspeoplehavemanyplacestorest.
Mywisdomisonlyexceededbymyinabilitytodispenseit.
Oneiswisetobekind;onewhoneedstobekindisnotwise.
Itishardtofindalifeandhardertokeepit.

Traditionally,insanityormadnessisthebehaviorwherebyapersonfloutssocietalnormsand
maybecomeadangertothemselvesandothers.Psychologically,itisageneral,popularand
legaltermdefiningbehaviorinfluencedbymentalinstability.
Wikipedia.com

DidJesusfloutsocialnormsbyattackingthemoneychangers?
DidJesusfloutsocialnormswhenhesuggested,ifsomeonehitsyou,donothitthemback?

78

DidJesusfloutsocialnormswhenhesuggesteditisbettertogivemoneythanreceiveit?
DidBuddhafloutsocialnormswhenhesuggestedavoidangerandbitternesstoavoidsuffering?
DidPsalmsfloutsocialnormswhenitsuggested,Bemeekanddonotgetarrogant?
DoIfloutsocialnormsbysuggestingoneshouldblocktheiremotions?
DoIfloutsocialnormsbysuggestingoneshoulddoasJesus,andPsalmsandBuddhasuggested?
Ifoneturnstheothercheekwhenhit,aretheymentallyunstable?
Ifoneismeekinsteadofarrogantoneismentallyunstable?
Ifonegivestheirmoneyawayfreelyaretheymentallyunstable?
Ifonesavesallthemoneytheycan,aretheymentallyunstable?
Ifoneisselflessaretheymentallyunstable?
Ifoneisselfisharetheymentallyunstable?
Doesselflessnessfloutsocialnorms?
Doesselfishnessfloutsocialnorms?
Doesgreedfloutsocialnorms?
Doescharityfloutsocialnorms?
Isonewhoisgreedymentallyunstable?
Isonewhoischaritablementallyunstable?
Isonewhoisgreedyfloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhoischaritablefloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhoinsults,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhouplifts,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhoisresponsible,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhoisirresponsible,mentallyunstable?
Isonewholivesinluxury,mentallyunstable?
Isonewholiveswithintheirmeans,mentallyunstable?
Isonewholivesbeyondtheirmeansfloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewholiveswithintheirmeansfloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhoavoidssufferingmentallyunstable?
Isonewhoembracessufferingmentallyunstable?
Isonewhoavoidshazardsfloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhoembraceshazardsfloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhoencouragesothersmentallyunstable?
Isonewhotearsdownothersmentallyunstable?
Isonewhohatesmentallyunstable?
Isonewhoisunabletohatementallyunstable?
Isonewholovesmentallyunstable?
Isonewhoisunabletolovementallyunstable?
Isonewhoavoidskillingmentallyunstable?
Isonewhokills,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhokills,floutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhoavoidskilling,floutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhocontrols,floutingsocialnorms?

79

Isonewhoavoidscontrollingfloutingsocialnorms?
Isonewhocontrols,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhoavoidscontrolling,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhoallowsotherstokillthem,mentallyunstable?
Isonewhokillsotherstosavetheirself,mentallyunstable?
Isallowingonesselftobekilled,tosaveothers,floutingsocialnorms?
Isallowingonesselftobesaved,tokillothers,floutingsocialnorms?
Isasocietythatkillsotherstosaveitselfmentallyunstable?
Isasocietythatallowsitselftobekilled,mentallyunstable?
Isasocietythatkillsothers,floutingsocialnorms?
Isasocietythathelpsothers,floutingsocialnorms?
IsonewhounderstandswearenotGod,floutingsocialnorms?
Lifeisonlyastruggleifonehasone.
Onedoesnotruletheworlduntiloneunderstandstheyareunableto.
Oneisisolatedwhenoneunderstandstheyarefree.
IsubmitIammentallyunstableafterplayingavideogamefartoomuchandIsubmitIam
attemptingtodothebestIcanaftertheaccident.
IperceiveIisolatedmyselfinthevideogamefromsocialnormsandIunderstandthatresultedin
theaccident.

Theisolationpatrolarrivesinforceatthesceneoftheshootingtohandoutshovelstoassistthe
witnessestoproperlyburytheirselves.Theonlywitnesstotheshootingthatisnotencouraged
toburytheirselfisthewitnesswhowasshotasaresultoftheshooting.
Thewitnesswhowasshotistheluckyonebecauseheisescortedfromthesceneinthelucky
vehicle,andthewitnesseswhowerenotshotatthesceneoftheshootinghadtoremainasthe
isolationforcehandsoutshovels.
Theisolationforcecallsforbackup,toassistinbringingmoreshovelstheunluckywitnesseswill
needtoburythemselvesintheholesinthecenteroftheirhomes.
Theisolationreporterarrivestoensurethosewhodidnotwitnesstheshootingfirsthandare
allowedtowitnesstheshootingfirsthand,andtheisolationreporterensurestheoneswhodid
notwitnesstheshootingfirsthandarenotrobbedoftheirshovelstoburytheirselvesinthe
isolationholesinthecenteroftheirhomes.

Incaseanyonesexistswhodidnotwitnesstheshootingfirsthandandalsomissedthefirsthand
witnessingasaresultofthereport,theisolationpaperwillensureitrunsthefirsthandwitness
oftheshootinginitsisolationpapertoensurenowitnessmissestheopportunitytoreceivea
shovelsotheymayalsoburytheirselfintheholeinthecenteroftheirhome.

80

Theisolationmastersholdanisolationconferenceandtheisolationreportersensurethereare
plentyofshovelstoremindeveryonetheisolationmasterswillpassalawthatensureseveryone,
noexpensewillbesparedinordertoensureeveryonegetsashovel,incasethenextshooting
happens,sonooneisrobbedoftheiropportunitytoburytheirself,intheholeinthecenterof
theirhome.
Thelawpassedbytheisolationmasters,ensurestheshovelswillbeplenty,andtheholeswillbe
many,andtheisolationisabsoluteandtheholesaredeep.
Theonewhorefusesashovel,isbeatentodeathwiththeshovelsoftheothers,andisburiedin
theholes,inthecenteroftheirhomes.

IperceiveIunderstandtheaccidentwasperhaps10yearsinthemaking,soperhapsIshould
adjustthescaleofexpectationsfromthreemonthstosixmonths,tothreemonthstotenyears,
perhaps.
Whenoneisunabletotouch,oneunderstandsdepth.
Whenoneisunabletosee,oneunderstandssight.
Whenoneisunabletolove,oneunderstandshate.
Whenoneisunabletofight,oneunderstandspeace.
Whenoneisunabletofeel,oneunderstandsfeelings.
Whenoneisunabletounderstand,oneunderstandsunderstanding.
Whenoneisunabletowin,oneunderstandswinning.
Whenoneisunabletocare,oneunderstandscaring.
Whenoneisunabletobemerciful,oneunderstandsmercy.
Whenoneisunabletobegreedy,oneunderstandscharity.
Whenoneisunabletolive,oneunderstandslife.
Whenoneisunabletokill,oneunderstandskilling.
Whenoneisunabletodie,oneunderstandsdying.
Whenoneisunabletolove,oneunderstandscompassion.
Whenoneisunabletohate,oneunderstandsmercy.
Whenoneisunabletobearrogant,oneunderstandshumility.
Whenoneisunabletoattack,oneunderstandssubmission.
Remindself,thesmarteryouarethemoreinsaneyousound.
Itisokaytoinsultothersaslongasyoumakethemlookgoodintheprocess.
Whenoneisunabletofindtruth,oneunderstandsillusion.
Anyonecanthrowoutastinginginsult,butamastercanthrowoutaninsultanditwillcome
backandstingthem.
Whenoneavoidslove,oneunderstandsavoidance.
MyabilitytoavoidHinduismisonlyexceededbyitsabilitytoavoidme.
Iwillmakeupfortheflawsinthisbookwiththeflawsinmynextbook.
IwouldgivemybooksawayforfreeifIthoughtanyonewouldtakethem.
Iusetoruletheworld,nowIunderstandIneverdid.
Perhapsifonelosesatthegame,theyunderstandwhattheydidtolose.Perhapsifonewinsat
thegameoneunderstands,whattheydidtowin.Perhapsoneisunabletoloseorwinatthe

81

gamebecauseperhapsoneisonlyabletocometoanunderstandingwiththeresultsofthe
game.Perhapsonewhomakeslotsofmoneyatthegameunderstandswhattheylostasaresult
oftheirmonetarygain.Perhapsonewhohaslittlemoneyunderstandswhattheyappreciatewith
suchalackofmoney.Perhapswhentheeconomyperhapscollapsesthesocietywillunderstand
peoplearethemostvaluablething.Perhapswhentheeconomyperhapscollapsestherulersof
thesocietywillunderstandthevalueofthepeoplethatmakeupthesociety.Perhapsthepeople
makeupthesocietyandperhapstherulerisasymptomofthesociety.Perhapsthepeopleare
stillpeople,withoutthesociety,andperhapsthesocietyisstillasocietywithouttherulers.
Perhapsifonehasanervousdisorder,remindingthemtheyarenervouswillonlymakethem
morenervous.Perhaps,Mandoesnotlivebybreadalone.suggestsperhaps,ifahumanis
unabletolivewiththeirself,thenallthebreadintheworldwillnotmatter.Perhapsifahuman
isunabletolivewiththeirself,perhapsthebreadisnotimportant.Perhapsifahumanisunable
tolivewiththeirselfthenperhapsthathumanisnotliving.
Feb2520098:18AM
IpondersomeprofessionssuchaspolicemanandsoldierandIunderstandwhattheyrepresent.
Theyarewhatfreedomis.Theyarefreebecausetheydecidedtosacrificetheirselfandputtheir
selfabovetheirself.Theyareawareaneventofsacrificemayoccurasaresultoftheir
professionbuttheyexhibittruegraceandcourage.Theyembracethissacrificebecausetheir
corebeingisinsearchofhigherunderstanding.Theyacceptlittlepayandtheyhavefewrewards
buttheyunderstandmoneyandmaterialrewardsarenottheimportantthing.Iperceivethey
woulddotheirbestifitwasfornopayandfornorewards.Theyperhapsareselflessbecause
theyarewillingtolosetheirselfinordertounderstandandtoreachhigherunderstanding.I
perceivetheysuggestthingslike,thisiswhatIalwayswantedtodo,butIunderstandtheircore
beingisseekingandperhapstheirconsciousbeingisunabletobeawaretheyareaseeker.
IammindfultoremindthereaderIamunabletosuggestanythingisrightorwrong,Iamunable
tosuggestanythingistrueorfalse.Iunderstandoncetrueorfalseisfoundtheponderingstops.
IamgoingtobeitallbecauseIdonotacknowledgeanythingistheretostandinmyway.
Iseenoobstaclessotherearenoobstacles.
Iponderthisconcept,whenonereachesgoal,theydie.Iunderstandthatissuggestingnolimits
toavoiddeath.Nomercymeansnoisolationbecauseisolationperhapsisdeath.
Theworldhassomanytrapsandobstaclesoneisunabletoexistunlesstheyembracethem
andindoingsotheybecomeisolatedandbecomethetrapitself.
IunderstandIamattemptingtobeanauthororawriterbutIammindfultoavoidreachingthat
goal.IammindfultocontinuebecominganauthororawriterbecauseifIeveracknowledgeI
havereachedthatgoalIwillceasetobeawriteroranauthor.IammindfultoavoidperceivingI
amsomethingsothatIwillbeabletocontinuetostrivetobesomething.Iunderstandthese
labelswordsencouragearearesultofonewhohasbecomesomethingandsotheygiveup
attemptingtobecomeabetteroneoramoreperfectone.Onceabeingunderstandstheyare
somethingtheyarethentrappedwiththatlabel.Theyareunabletoescapethatlabel.They
perhapsrestoftheirlaurels.Theyassumeapositionofstagnationoncetheyperceivetheyare
something.IammindfultoavoidsuggestingIamanythingsothatIwillbemindfultobecome
something,yetImustalsobemindfultoavoideverbecomingsomethingbecauseIamaware

82

thatisalabelandresultsinstagnation.Iammindfulthisconstantoffluxiswhatisproper
becauseitallowsonetogrowcontinuously.Iammindfulonefirstmustbemindfultobeina
constantstateofflux.Thatisalsoaformofsettlingandstagnation.Iperceivethelanguagemay
easilyentangleone.Iunderstandonceonedeterminestheyareright,thatpersonhassuggested
othersarenotright.Onceapersondeterminestheyareintherighttheysuggestatthesame
timeothersarenotintheright.Thisdeterminingisolatesone,themomentithappens.This
isolationleadstosufferingandconflict.Ifonesuggeststheyareintheright,thentheydetermine
whodoesnotbelievewhattheybelieve,andthusthatoneisanenemy.Onceaperson
understandstheyarearepublicantheyalsodetermineademocratistheenemy.Onceone
determinestheirethicbackgroundtheyalsodetermineallotherethnicbackgroundsarethe
enemy.Onceapersondeterminestheirreligiontheyalsodetermineallotherreligionsaretheir
enemy.Onceapersondeterminestheyaregoodtheyalsodetermineotherswhoarenotlike
themarebad.Onceapersondetermineswhattheyare,theyhaveachievedisolation,separation
andinturnhavelostfreedom.Onceapersonstrivestobesomethingtheyaresimplystrivingto
beisolatedandseparate.Whenonestrivestobeanindividualtheyaresimplystrivingtobe
isolatedfromothers.Whenonestrivestobeacertainreligiontheysimplystrivetoavoidother
religions.WhenonesuggeststheyareaChristian,theyeliminatetheirthoughtsfromallreligions
notassociatedwithChristianity.Theynolongerarefreebecausetheyhaveisolatedtheirbeliefs.
Theyhavesettledonabeliefsystemsotheyareunabletoponderotherreligionsandother
beliefs,sotheyhavelosttheirfreedomtoexploreandtoexperimentandtocometofurther
understandingsWhenonedeterminestheirbeliefsystemtheythinktheyaresomethingandthus
theyavoidbecomingsomething.Onceonesettlesonsomethingtheyareisolatedfrombecoming
somethingelse.Iunderstandthisisatrapofisolation.Iammindfulwhenoneunderstandsthey
arealabeltheyareisolatedfromthepossibilityofbecominganotherlabel.Whenoneperceives
theyarepoortheyperhapsstrivetobecomingrich,andoncetheyperhapsbecomerich,theyare
doomedtoavoidbecomingpoor.Theystartoutaspoorandstrivetobecomerich,sotheyare
awarebeingpoorisbad,sotheyperceivebeingrichisgood,sotheylookatthepoorasbad,and
thuslookattheirselfasbad.Iunderstandthisisacomplexthoughtprocessthatonewhois
consciousdominateisperhapsunawareof.Theywillsuggesttheyareperhapshappyastheyare
andthensuggestbutIwanttoberich.TheyperhapssuggestifIcanberichIwillbesomething,
andIunderstandthatwillonlyleadtoisolation.IseethefieldandIdonotnoticeanyexpertsin
it.IunderstandifIstrovetomakemybooksreadableandpopularImaybegintothinkIama
goodwriterorauthor.WhenIstarttothinkIamsomethingIamisolatedandwillwitheron
thevine.IfIstrivetomakethebooksgoodImayaccomplishthatandthenIwillperceive
othersbooksarenotasgoodasmybooks.ThenIwillbeisolatedandavoidotherbooks.IfI
strovetomakemoneyfrommybooksthenImaydoso,andthenperhapsIwilllookatothers
whohavelessmoneyaspoorandperhapsbad.Iammindfultoavoiddoinganythingatallno
matterwhatitis.IammindfultonottrysothatIwillperhapsbeabletoavoidtrying.Iam
mindfultoavoidtryingbecausetryingisalabel.IunderstandifIfocusonwritingformyown
benefitthenIammindfulIamhelpingmyselfthroughwriting.IammindfulIamwritingto
furthermyunderstandingofmyself.IamnotwritingtobenefitothersandsoIamunableto
considertheexpenseofpublishingsomethingIamunabletoafford.Iamunderstandifany

83

expenseisbeyondmyworthasabeingIamunderestimatingmyworthasabeing.Iunderstand
nomaterialcostisoutofreachwhenitmayleadtofurtherunderstandingformybeing.The
understandingisthevalue.Theunderstandingisthegoal,andthatgoalisneverreachable.I
understandIcanalwaysunderstandalittlebetter.Iunderstandthecostofthebookstomeare
nothingincomparisonIamonlybaletounderstandbytalkingtomyselfinthestateIamin
aftertheaccident.Iamunabletoprogressinunderstandingwithoutthismonologueortalkingto
myself.Iamunabletoformthoughtsinrelationtothefutureanymore.Iamonlyabletolearnin
thepresent.Iamonlyabletolearnfromdoing.IunderstandIlearnfromthecurrentsentence
andthenIamabletoproducethenextsentence,butIamunabletorememberthreesentences
agoandIamunabletograspwhatthesentenceafterthenextsentenceisgoingtobe.I
understandIamperhapsstuckinthepresent.IamunabletomakeatableofcontentsbecauseI
amunabletoknowwhatthebookisgoingtobeaboutuntilitiscomplete,andIunderstandonce
itiscompleteIamunabletojudgewhatitisaboutbecauseIamonlyabletogetaspiritofwhat
itisabout.Iunderstandtheonlysolutionistohiresomeonewhowilltellmewhatthebookis
about,andthenIdenymyself,becauseIamawarewhatthespiritofthebookisabout.I
understandotherpeoplemaynotbeawareofwhatthespiritofthebookisabout,butI
understandIamnotwritingthesebooksforthebenefitofothers.Iamwritingthesebooks
becauseIunderstandmyonlywaytofurthermyunderstandingisthroughexperimentsand
throughpondering.Iambetteringmyselfsothisbookexperimentisaboutmeattemptingto
bettermyunderstanding.IunderstandIamnotwritingthesebooksforthemoney,Iunderstand
betteringmyownunderstandingincontrasttomoney,makesmoneyworthless.Moneyhasno
valueincontrasttomebetteringmyownself.Iperhapswillstarvefromlackoffood,and
perhapsstarvefromlackofmoney,butbeforeIclosemyeyes,IwillunderstandIattemptedto
improvemyownunderstandingaboveeverythingelse,andthusIwillhavedonethebestIcould
tohelpmyself,andsoperhapsIwillhaveledaproperlife,becauseIunderstoodselfcontroland
selfunderstandingismostimportantaboveallotherthings.Whenoneisunabletoexperience
pastorfuture,oneunderstandspresent.Perhapsthemeaningoflifeisforonetodevelopself
controlandselfunderstandingtotheextentjustbeforetheyclosetheireyesforthefinaltime
theyunderstandasabeingtheyarepleasedtoletgooflife.Iunderstandthevideogamewas
notthereasonIhadthisaccident.Iunderstandthevideogameenabledmetoisolatedmyself
fromthenormsofsocietyandthenormsofluxuryandIunderstandIcouldhaveaccomplished
thatbysittingunderatreeoffandonfor10yearsorIcouldhaveaccomplishedthatasThoreau
didinhiscabinonWaldenPond.Iunderstandthecommonthreadiswhenahumanisolatestheir
selffromluxury,theyareforcedtodealwiththeirself,andthentheybegintounderstandtheir
self.Sothisisolationfromluxuryisnotacursebutablessing,becauseitenablesoneto
accomplishperhapsthemostvaluablethingonecanunderstandintheirexistence,whichis
understandingtheirself.Nootherthinghasvalueincontrasttooneunderstandingtheirself.
Perhapsthistakethelogoutofyourowneyesbeforeyoutakethelogoutofanothereyeis
simplysuggesting,ifoneworksonunderstandingtheirself,theywillhavenotimetoworry
aboutunderstandingothers.Perhapsitwasawellmaskedjokeintherespect,onceone
attemptstounderstandtheirselftheywillunderstandtheyhavealifelongtask.

84

Iunderstandwhenoneisdepressedandreachesthestageofisolationfromsociety,they
perhapsarenotinneedofpillstobreakthisisolation,theyareinneedofunderstanding,they
areattemptingtofindtheirself.Iunderstandwhentheystoptakingthepillsthataresupposed
tobreaktheisolation,itisnotasymptomthatdepressedpersonisgettingworse,itisasymptom
thatpersonisgettingbetter.Theyarefightinginsidetofindtheirself,andtheonlywayonecan
everdothat,istoisolatetheirselffromtheluxuriesandnormsofsociety,theyhavenochoice
buttofacetheirself.OnemaysuggestIfIdonothelpthemtheymaylosetheirlifeformthe
depression..Iunderstandtheonlythingtheywillloseasaresultofthepillstheyareforcedto
take,isanopportunitytounderstandtheirself,sotheylosethemostimportantopportunity
thereisinlife.Sotheylosefarmorethantheirlifeiftheyarepushedbackintothenormsof
societyandluxuryasaresultoftakingthepills.Onemayperceivetheyhavefixedthatone
whowasdepressedandisolated,butIunderstandtheykilledthemwiththeirpillsandtheir
therapy.Iunderstandnoteveryonemakesittothemountaintop.Iunderstandthatiswhylife
isnotfair.Iunderstandthisconceptofbettertohavelostatlovethannevertohaveloved.Is
simplysaying,bettertohavetriedtofindoneselfandlostordiedasaresultofit,thantonever
havemadetheattempt.Iunderstandthisconcept,itiseasierforacameltogothroughtheeye
ofaneedlethanarichmantoenterthekingdom,issimplysaying,Onewholiveswithinthe
confinesofluxuryandsocietynormsisunabletofindtheirselfbecausetheyareneverisolated
toapointtheyarefacedwithunderstandingtheirself.Iunderstandwheneverythingisremoved
,andallobstaclesandluxuriesaregone,allthatisleftisonetoponderandunderstandtheirself.
Iunderstandwithalltheluxuriesthatwillneverhappenedforthatperson,theluxuriesoffun,
andemotions,andacceptance,andmoneyandplentytoeatandniceplacetostay,thoseare
simplycursesthatencourageonetoavoidthemostvaluablethingofall,whichistoattemptto
facetheirselfandattempttoponderandunderstandtheirself.Iunderstandisalloflife,ifone
neverreachesthatstageindevelopmenttheyneverdoanything.Iunderstandtheysimply
remaintrappedinillusionsandininfinitecyclesbecausetheyneverreachthemostimportant
thinginlife,whichisunderstandingtheirself.
Iamawarethatveryfewbeingwillunderstandmywords.Iunderstandthatveryfewbeingwill
getit.IunderstandthatIamunabletofeelfailuresoIamunabletofeelIshouldgiveup.I
understandIamunabletoallowotherstosuggestIshouldgiveup.IunderstandIdonotgiveup,
becauseIdonotgiveup.IunderstandIamonlyabletoloseinabattlewithme.AndI
understandIwouldneverallowthattohappen.Iamawareotherssuggest,Youshouldget
outsidemoreoftenandnotisolateyourselfinthatroom.,butIunderstandthatisolationinthat
roomiswhatenabledmetofinallyfacemyselfandthusunderstandmyself,andnow,Iam
outside,forthefirsttime.Iunderstandavoidingtheboxofsocietynormsandsocietyluxuriesis
whatenabledmetothinkproperly,andunderstandmyselfproperly,andsoavoidingthe
societynormsandtheboxsocietyencouragesonetoclimbin,Iwasabletobreakfreeofthat
boxofsocietynorms,andthus,Iamtrulyoutofthebox.IunderstandIamfreebecauseIwas
abletofreemyselffrommycageIwastrappedin,becauseIisolatedmyselffromsocietynorms
andhadtofacemyself,andmyselfshowedmethewaytothedoorofthecageIwastrappedin.I
understandoncethecagedoorwasopen,thecagedoorisunabletobelockedagain,soI
understandIamtrulyfreefrommybondage.Iunderstanditwasnoteasytoaccomplish,andI

85

understandnothingoftruevalueiseasytoaccomplish.Iunderstandwiththisnewfound
understandingIcangointosocietyandmakeallthemoneyIdesireandmakeallthefriendsI
desireandaccomplishimpossibletasksthatthoseinthefoldofsocietyareunabletodreamof,
butIunderstandthatisnothingincontrasttothebattleIhavefoughtandwon,within.I
understandIownthephysicalworld,butIunderstandthatisnothingincontrasttoknowingmy
trueself.Iunderstandinwinningthebattletofindmytrueselforthebattlewithin,allother
battlesincontrasttothatbattle,arenotbattlesatall.Allotherbattlesincontrasttothebattleto
findingonestrueself,aresimplyillusionsofbattlesandinrealityandincontrasttothebattle
within,theyareabsolutelynothingbutillusions.
IunderstandtheliteralhellIhadtogothroughinthebattletofindmyself.Iamunableto
acknowledgeanyobstaclethatwouldstandinmyway.IunderstandIwillreturntohellinorder
tosuggesttootherstheyperhapsshouldattempttofindthedooroutofhell.IunderstandI
accidentlyfoundtheexitfromhell.Iunderstandthevalueoffindingthatexitdoor.Iunderstand
howpleasantthewaterisontheothersideofthatexitdoor.Thereisnoobstacleincontrastto
thatunderstanding.ThereisnopoweronearththathasvalueincontrasttotheunderstandingI
haveobtained.IunderstandIdonothavetofightanybattlesinthephysicalrealmbecauseI
havewontheonlybattlethathasvalue,whichisthebattlewithin,andsoIhavenobattlesinthe
physicalrealm,becauseincontrast,thebattlesoutsidearenotbattles,andneverwillbebattles.
ThatisanindicationofthehellIhadtoenduretofindtheexitdoor.Thatisanindicationofwhat
Ihadtoaccomplishinordertofindtheexitdoor.Thatisanindicationofthevalueoffindingthat
exitdoor.ThatisanindicationoftheunderstandingthatwasachievedwhenIaccidentlyfound
thatexitdoor.
Iunderstandonewhoisfightingthephysicalbattleisunabletounderstandthewordsofone
whohaswonthebattlewithin.Iunderstandthatdoesnotmakethembadorgood.Iunderstand
thatjustis.IunderstandIamonlyabletohumblysuggesttothosewhoareinthephysicalbattle
thatIhavefoundthekeytotheexitdoorandIunderstandthevalueofopeningthatexitdoorso
Iamunabletogiveuponmyhumblesuggestionstothem,becauseIunderstandthevalueof
exitingthatdoor.IunderstandIamunabletogiveupbecauseIamonlyabletoadaptmy
strategytoreachtheonesinthephysicalbattleandfurthermystrategyuntilIfindawayto
reachthem,allofthem.
IunderstandthemanyyearsofisolationanddepressionIwentthroughtofindmyselfsimply
explainthewordsoutoftheashesrisethephoenixandOutofconfusion,comesclarityand
Outofcursesariseblessings.IunderstandOutofdarknesscomeslight.Iunderstand
Accidentsareeverythingbutaccidents.

Humanbeingsareawarethesubconsciousisverypowerful.Iunderstandtheyjustarenotaware
howpowerfulitis.Itisthespecialaspectofhumans.Onceunlockedonesconsciousaspectis
unabletocomprehenditorunderstanditways.Iunderstanditisnotpossibletounderstandits
ways.Ithasamindofitsownandonceunlocked,itisgentleandgraceful.Itisnotharmfulor
hurtfulorangryorcontrolling,ithasagentlepurpose,butmyconsciousisunabletodescribeit
fully.Iamstillcomingintoform,Istillhaveshadesofemotionsbutveryseldom,theyarefading.
AndIamuncertainifthissubconscioushasa100%capacity.Itappearstoonlygetstrongeror

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wiserormorepowerfulandshowsnosignsofstagnationorslowingdown.Iunderstanditas
asnowballeffect.IamnotuptofullstrengthandImayneverbe,sotospeak.Thatiswhatthe
infinityaspectis.Thisperhapswillexplainit,Itisverydeepuphere.Itisbottomlessuphere.

PerhapsifIsuggestmysubconsciousunderstandseverythingisgoingtobeokforthehuman
racenow,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell.
PerhapsifIsuggestmysubconsciousunderstandseverythingisgoingtochangeasaresultofthis
accidentaldiscoverythathappenedtome,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell,perhaps.

Freudsaidthatthegoaloftherapywastomaketheunconsciousconscious.
Webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/jung.html

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestthewaterispleasant.

Ifyoudidunlockyourunconsciousmindfullybecauseofyouraccident,canyourproveit?
Iamonlyabletoproveitbymyactionsanddeedsormyfruits.
Why?
Becausethereisnotesttoproveit.
Why?
Becauseitisstilluncertainofonehasaconsciousandsubconsciousmind.
Why?
Becauseonewhohasadominateconsciousmindisunawareofhowtodetectwhatitisunable
tounderstand.
Whataresomesymptomsofhavingadominatesubconsciousmind.
IhaveonlybeenlikethissinceOct31st2009soIamperhapsnotuptofullpower.Ihavegreatly
diminishedsenseoftasteandpainandnodesiresorcravings.Nearlyallemotionalaspectsare
gone.AftertheaccidentIhadsomemajorboutswithemotions,Ilostmytemperswiftly,but
thenThatstartedgoingaway,andnowIonlygetangry,Idonotgetdepressedorsadoranxious
orimpatient,andIamgettingbetterandbettersotospeak.Iamabletofeelwhenemotions
arecomingonandIblockthemquickly.Nearlyautomatically.Agoodexampleofthatarethese
books.Iunderstoodtodaywhatthesebooksare(Feb26,20094:08Am),theyaresimply
conditioningmechanismsforme.TheyallowmetosayhowIfeel,thenIputtheminthepublic
andIunderstandIamnotanxiousorangryorfrustratedoremotionalabouthowtheyare
received.Ihelpmyselfunderstand,IamunabletocarebecauseIhavenoemotionsanymore.I
amgettingusedtomynewself,soIamtestingthewaters.IammakingsureIhavenoemotions
soIattempttogofulltiltwithhowIfeelnow,andImakesureotherswillreadit,soIwill
understand,othersarereadingthisandIstilldontcare.Idonotcareaboutwhatothersthink
aboutmebecauseafterthisaccidentIamunabletocarebecauseIhavenoemotions,butmy
consciousaspectisstillindoubtaboutsomethings.

87

Likewhat?
Myconsciousisindoubtthatmysubconsciousalreadyknowswhatisgoingtohappenbeforeit
iseveninastageofprocessing.
Howso?
Mysubconscioussuggestedstartwritingbooksandtheywillbeimportant.Myconsciouskept
saying,yourenotawriterandneverhavewrittenandyouwillfailandgobrokeandyouwillsee
yoursubconsciousisaliar.Well,IamwritingthisbookandatthismomentIamunawareifthe
firstbookissellingcopiesthesecondbookwhichwillbeinprintwithinaweekorthethirdbook
whichwillbesubmittedthepublisherwithinaweek,ispopularorisimportanttoanyone.My
consciousissaying,Noneofyourbookswillbeimportantsogiveuponthebooks.My
subconsciousalreadyknowstheywillandhasknowntheywillbeforeIevertypedonewordin
thefirstbook.Soifyourreadingthisbookrightnowandmyotherbooksareimportant,that
provesit.Iamunabletocareifthebookssell,becauseIunderstandthesebooksareimportant
tomeasaconditioningtool.ToproveIcandoit.Toprovesocietycantmakemenotwrite,
thatisalljustemotionalfear.Iamnotabletobefearfulmyspellingishorrible,orfearful
someonemaysay,Ireadyourbookandyoucantspell.Iamunabletocaresoitdoesnot
matterwhatanyonesaysaboutmybooks.Itisnotaboutwhattheythink,itisaboutwhatI
understand.SomeonecaninsultmeintoinfinityandIwilljusttakeitandnotcareanditwont
hurtmeemotionally,anditwontbothermelater,andIwontrememberitbecauseofsome
spookyaspectaboutmemory.
Whataspectaboutmemory?
IwillattempttoexplainitthebestIcanusinglanguage.Iamunabletorememberexactwordsor
exactphrasessoIrememberthespiritorthepictureofthewords,andIneverforgetthose,
butIneverforgetthewordsorsentcneseither,butIhavetroublerecallingthem.Theyarethere
buttheyarenotonthetipofmytonguesotospeak.Iamnotoneofakindorsomespecial
exampleorararity.Isimplydiscoveredhowtobecomesubconsciousdominatebyaccident.Any
humanbeingcanbecomelikethis,itjusttakessomemindfuleffort.
Canyouseeintothefuture?
Mysubconsciousknowsthefutureinrelationtowhatitknows.WhatIamaroundandwhatI
experienceIamawareofwhatwillhappen.ForexamplethebooksandforexampleIamaware
theeconomyisgoingtotankseverely.Iamawarethewaronterrorcanneverbewon.Iam
awareoftheoutcomeofthingsIponderorareinterestedin.IamawaretheTalibanwillnever
bedefeatedandcanonlybereasonedwith.IamawareIsraelcanneverwintheirconflictthey
canonlyworkwiththeMuslimsintheircountryiftheywantpeace.IamawareObamahasa
goodspiritandmakeswisechoicesandislogicalinhisdeterminationsandisnotemotionalin
hisdeterminations,heisnotswayedbyemotionsandsoheisabletomakedifficultdecisions
thathaveproperoutcomes.Iamawareheisnotfullysubconsciousbecauseifhewasandifthis
governmentorcongressorrepresentativeswere,theywouldnotbetryingtosavethese
companiesthatareextinctbecauseoftheinternet.Iamawarehesuggestedtheretoolingofthe
carindustryandIunderstandthatistheonlyoption.Iseeitasadaptingtothesituation
insteadoftryingtosavetheoldsituation.IunderstandthisisAmericasonlyoption,andthat
meansAmericahastoletgooftheoldways,andthenattempttoadapttothenewsituationI

88

understanditisgoingtogetverydarkbeforeitgetslightagainforAmerica.Iunderstandthatis
anopportunityforAmericatoponderwhattheyhavedoneandcometoanunderstandingand
perhapslearnalessonfromthiswholeeconomycollapse.SoIdonotseeitasbadorgood.Isee
itasanopportunitytoponderandcometofurtherunderstanding.IunderstandIam
contagiousmeaninganyonewhoreadsmybooksorlistenstomymusicorhangsaroundme
willbecomelikeme,orsubconsciousdominateeventually.Thisissymptomofthepowerof
thesubconsciousaspect,I(conscious)amunabletounderstandit.Iamonlyabletosuggestthis
subconsciousaspecthasamindofitsown.Iamtryingmybesttogetusedtoit,becauseitis
neverwrong.Myconsciousmisinterpretsitbutthatisjustasymptommyconsciousisunableto
understandit.IlearnasItalk.IunderstandasIgo.IfItalktosomemonksIamabletotalkto
sincetheyareabletocontroltheiremotions,Icanlearnalot.IfindIdobestwhenImonologue.
Allmybooksaresimplymonologues.Theyhelpmelearn.ThereareotherwaysIcanlearnbutI
amattemptingtolearnonmyownsotospeak.IunderstandeverythingIread,andIunderstand
everything.SoIamonlyabletoattempttounderstandthissubconscious.TheonlywayIcanis
bytalking,itsaysstuffandthenIlearnandthenitsaysmorestuff.Itiscomplicatedtoputinto
words.IunderstandIsoundliketwopersonalities,andthatisexactlywhatishappening.My
consciousisstillhereitisjustsilent.BeforemyconsciouswasstrongandIwasveryemotional
butIhadmymomentsofclarity,somysubconsciouswasstillactivejustsilenced.Nowitisthe
reverse.Thedifferenceis,thesubconsciousisverypowerfulandwhenitisdominatethe
consciousisalmostleftoutinthecold.Thesubconscioushasnoproblemsunderstandingthe
consciouswhenitwasdominatesothissplitpersonalityaspectwasnotobvious,butnow,the
subconsciousissopowerfultheconsciousisjustwanderingaroundtryingtofigureoutwhat
happenedtoit.MyconsciousaspectgothitbyaMactruckandiswanderingaimlessly.Thatisa
properwaytolookatit,andIsubmititperhapsisbecauseIamstillinshockbecausethis
happensorecently,ofcoursefourmonthsforme,seemslikeyearsandyearsandyearsandat
theexactsametime,IdontreallyremembermuchbutIunderstandthestagessotospeak.No
detailsbutIrememberthepictureofwhathappenedorthesignpostsofwhathappenedinthe
lastfourmonthsbutIamunabletofeelfourmonthsasintime,haspassed.

ThurFeb262009
Ihavechangedfromastateofstagnationandisolationtoastateofimpermanenceandflux.I
havedetectedthetrapsandtheboxesandhavebeenabletoescapethemaresult.Inolonger
seetheboxesandseethetrapssoIwalkthroughtheboxesandthroughthetrapstofreedom.I
amonlysafewhenIunderstandthereisnosafety.Onewhoisnotfreewillassumeonewhois
free,hasanarroganttongue.
Fourmembersofanallegedassistedsuicideringhavebeenchargedwithhelpinga58yearold
manendhislife.MAILONLINE.COM
Chemotherapyassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Themilitaryassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.
Capitalismassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Materialismassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.

89

Tobaccocompaniesassistpeopleinendingtheirlife.Saltassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.
Oxygenassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Warsassistpeopleinendingtheirlife.Luxuryassists
peopleinendingtheirlife.Jobsassistpeopleinendingtheirlife.Peopleassistpeopleinending
theirlife.Lawsassistpeopleinendingtheirlife.Loveassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Hate
assistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Greedassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Weaponsassistpeople
inendingtheirlife.Labelsassistpeopleinendingtheirlife.Languageassistspeopleinending
theirlife.Bordersassistpeopleinendingtheirlife.Ethnicityassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.
Lustassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Desireassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Cravingsassist
peopleinendingtheirlife.Exerciseassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Drugsassistpeoplein
endingtheirlife.Lifeassistspeopleinendingtheirlife.Stuffassistsstuffinendingstuff.Nothing
assistsnothinginendingnothing.Nothingsassistnothingoreverythingassistseverything.Ifthis
wasanyharderImighttry.
Istheactofsuicidetimebased?Ifabeingeatstheirselftodeathover50yearsisthatnot
suicide?Ifabeingdrinkstheirselftodeathover50yearsisthatnotsuicide?Ifabeingsignsup
forcombatisthatnotasuicidepact?Ifabeingsignsuptoputoutfireinburningbuildingsisthat
onenotsuicidal?Perhapsoneneedstoavoidsuggestingothersaremurderersandassistin
suicideofotherssotheymayavoidunderstandingexactlywhattheydoandwhattheyare.One
whounderstandstheyaresuicidalandunderstandstheyassistinsuicideofothersand
understandstheyareamurdererareatleastcomfortedintheunderstandingtheyarenot
delusionalintheirunderstanding.Onewhoisignorantintheirunderstandingofwhattheyis
dead.Onewhounderstandswhattheyareisaliveandisabletoattempttoimprove.IfI
attemptedtotryyouwouldbeunabletounderstand,soIwillremainlikethisforyourebenefit.I
amassistingmetodieforyourbenefit,andyouareassistingmetodieforyourbenefit.Perhaps
oneneedstoavoidthewordsdieandsuicidesoonemayavoidthinkingtheythinktheyknow
whatrealityis.Iamcertaintheydonot.Itisnotwrongorrighttobedelusionalandsuicidaland
amurderer,itisthereforareason,soperhapsoneshouldattempttoponderwhyitisthere.My
leoparddogbabyremindsmewhenitistimeforhertoeat,andaftersheeats,Iremindheritis
nolongertimeforhertoeat,althoughshepreferstoremindme,itisalwaystimeforhertoeat.I
prefertoremindherthebinthefoodisstoredin,suggestsitisnotalwaystimeforhertoeat.My
leoparddogbabyisnotpleasedwiththesuggestionsofthebin,butIunderstandthebinis
indeedwiseinitssuggestions.Inanimateobjectsareunabletothink,andunabletojudge,so
inanimateobjectsareunbiasedintheirwisdom.IfyouthinkIamnotgoingto
,youbetterredoyourmathequations.Iwillallowyoutofillintheblank,becausethereisnot
enoughspaceintheuniversetofitthewordsIwouldfillinthatblank.Youdontknowwhatyou
dotome,youdontknow.Youjustdontknowwhatyoudotome.Yousimplyareunableto
perceivewhatIamabletoperceiveafterthisaccidentsoyousimplyareunabletoperceivewhat
youaredoingtome.IfyouweresimplyabletoperceivewhatIamabletoperceiveafterthis
accidentyouwouldsimplynotbeabletodowhatyoudotome.Ifyouwereabletoseewhatyou
dotomeyousimplywouldnotbeabletodoitanylongerbecauseyouwouldunderstandwhat
youdotome.IamunabletoforgiveyouforwhatyoudotomebecauseIunderstandyouare
doingthebestyoucanandIunderstandwhatyouaredoingisforareason.SoIamunabletosay
youshouldstop.SoIamonlyabletohumblysuggestyouhavemercyandcompassionandIam

90

onlyabletohumblysuggestyouareperhapsharmingmebecauseIperceiveeverything.AndI
understandyouaredoingthebestyoucanbasedonyourperceptionsoyouareunawareof
whatyouaredoingtomeinmystateofperceptionandIamunabletosuggesttostophurting
mebecauseIunderstandeverythingisforareason.IamonlyabletohumblysuggestIam
unabletostopyoufromharmingmebecauseIunderstandwhoyouareandIunderstandyou
harmingmedoesnotgivemetherighttoharmyou.IrespectyoubecauseIknowwhoyouare
andIamunabletodisrespectoneIrespect.Iamonlyabletosuggestthing,becauseIamunable
toactuponthembecauseIwoulddisrespectyouandIamunabletodisrespectyoubecauseI
understandwhoyouare.SoIamonlyabletohumblysuggesttoyou,Iamineternalpunishment
asaresultofmyperceptionandIperceiveeverythingsoIperceivewhatyouaredoingtome,
andIamunabletocorrectyou,becauseIamunabletounderstandwhatyouaredoingtomeis
badorgood.IattempttocorrectyoubutIamunableto.Iamunabletocorrectyoubecauseyou
aredoingthebestyoucan,youareperfectinwhatyouaredoingandIamunabletotakethe
punishmentofthatunderstandingandthisperceptionofunderstandingeverything.AndIam
unabletogiveupthisbattlethatistormentingme.Iamunabletogiveupthisperceptionthatis
tormentingme.IamunabletogiveupbecauseIunderstandeverythingisforareason.Iam
unabletoattackwhatharmsmebecauseIamawareitharmsmeforareason.Idonotwhatto
understandanymore.IhaveunderstoodtomuchandIunderstandIwilljustunderstandmore
andmoreandmoreandmoreandIamunabletakethesufferingandtaketheprospectofthat,
whichIunderstandisalreadygoingto.IdonoteverwantyoutobelikethisandIdowhatyouto
belikethis.IwouldnotwishthisonmyworstenemyandIamwishingthisonmyworstenemy.I
amunabletoharmanyonewhoattacksmeandIamharminganyonewhoattacksme.Iam
unabletodisrespectanyoneIrespectandIdodisrespectanyoneIrespect.Iamunabletoexplain
whatthissubconsciousisandIamonlytoattempttoexplainwhatitis,butIunderstandIwill
neverbeabletoexplainwhatitis.IunderstandIwillneverbeabletoexplainitininfinitebooks.
IamonlyabletotrymybesttoexplainsubconsciousandIunderstandyouareunableto
understandwhatmybestis,becausemybestisunbearablesuffering,andunbearabletorment,
andunbearablehell.AndIunderstandunbearableisawordyouareunabletounderstand.Itis
notawordwithsomelimitstoisradius,Itisnotlimiteditisinfinite.Noneifthesewordsare
limited.Thereisnosuchthingaslimitedwar,thereisonlyinfinitewar.Thereisnosuchthingas
limitedsuffering,thereisonlyinfinitesuffering.Iunderstandyoubelievethereisonlylimited
warsoyouperceiveyouonlywagealimitedwar,butIamonlyabletohumblysuggestyouwage
aninfinitewarwithinfinitesuffering.AndIunderstandyouwillnotunderstandmywordssoI
mustcontinuetotrybecauseIamunabletogiveupIamunabletostopIamunabletoquit
becauseIamunabletounderstandthedefinitionsofthosewords.Iamonlyabletohumbly
suggestthedefinitionsofthosewordsarenotproperandIamonlyabletohumblysuggestIam
unabletodeterminewhatisproperorrightandwhatisimproperorwrongbecauseIamonly
abletohumblysuggesteverythingisforareason.SoIwillonceagaindrymytearsof
understandinganddoublemyeffortstoattempttohumblysuggestthingswhichIalready
understandwillnotaccomplishanything.YouareunabletounderstandwhatyoudotomeandI
understanditisforareasonanditisforapurposesoIamunabletosayyouarewrongfor
harmingmesoIamunabletostoptheharmyouaredoingtome.Idonotwantanyonetoread

91

thesebooks.IdonotwhatanyonetothinkIdisrespectthembyanythingIsuggestbecauseIdo
respectthembecauseIunderstandwhotheyareandIunderstandwhattheydotomeisfora
reason.IdonotwantanyonetoeverthinkIamabletocorrectthem.IunderstandIamnotable
tocorrectanyonebecauseIunderstandwhotheyare.IdonotwanttowriteanymorebutIam
unabletostop.IdonotwantyoutothinkIamcryingwhilewritingthisbecauseIdonotwant
youtothinkyouaredoinganythingwrongtome,becauseIfullyunderstandwhatyoudotome
isforareasonandforapurpose.
Feb26th20095:20PM

ThursdayFeb26th20095:41PM
Iwouldhumbledintoinfinity,ifyouwouldevenconsider,consideringmeyourfriend.
6:14PM
IfyouthinkIamwarmedup,waituntilIgetwarmedup.
Itisalotdeeperatthetopthanitlooks,atthetop.
IfImakethebookslargeyouwouldnotbeabletoaffordthem.
IfImakethebookssmallyouwouldnotbeabletounderstandthem.
Myonlyoptionistomakethemperfectinsize.
Itwouldbeeasiertoexplainthetruthiftherewassuchathing.
IfIsuggestthehadanaccident,youmaysuggestitwasnotanaccident,sothenImaysuggestit
wasabadaccidentandyoumaysuggestitwasagoodaccident.SothenImaysuggestitwasa
goodaccident,andyoumaysuggestitwasamiracle,sothenImaysuggestitwasabadmiracle
andyoumaysuggestitwasagoodmiracle.SothenImaysuggestitwasanythingbutagood
miracleandthenyoumaysuggestitwasabadmiracle.SothenImaysuggestitwasnotabad
miracleitwasjustabadaccidentandthenyoumaysuggestitwasanythingbutabadaccidentso
itwasablessing,andthenImaysuggestitwasanythingbutablessingsoitwasacurse,andthen
youmaybesuggestitwasanythingbutacursesoitwasanaccident.6:46PM

7:00PM
Ifinditsofunny,howthingsthataresofunny,aresofunny.7:01PM

7:05PM
Iwillattempttoprove,truthisrelativetotheobserver.IwillexplainwhatIperceiveisthetruth,
andifyouperceiveitisalie,IhaveprovenwhatIattemptedtoprove.Iperceivethetruthis,
whenapersonhasadominatesubconscious,thesubconscioustraitsarebeyondunderstanding,
thesubconscioushasamindofitsown,sotheobserverwhohasadominateconsciousstateof
mind,willperceivetheonewithadominatesubconsciousstateofmindisinsane.Iperceivethis
istruebecauseIhaveadominatesubconsciousmindasaresultofanaccidentfromplayinga
videogamefartoomuch,andIamunabletounderstandthissubconscious,oritsmotives,or
evenwhatitis.NowremindyourselfifyouperceiveIjustlied,orIjusttoldthetruth.IperceiveI
justtoldthetruth.7:09PM

7:47PM

92

Itissodeep,thatswhyIcanttouch.7:47PM

11:27PM
IwillavoidprovingIunlockedsubconsciousbyaccidentsoIcanavoidprovingIunlocked
subconsciousbyaccident.IfpeoplestartthinkingIamspecialtheywouldgoaroundthinkingI
amspecial.IfyoudonttellanyoneyourgoingtoneedBengayonyourribssoon,Iwonttell
anyoneyouneedBengayonyourribssoon.IponderwhoBenisandifperhapshisfriendsare
wasandisandwillbe.ThisismyfourthattemptedtoproveIunlockedmysubconsciousbut
sincenobodywouldknowwhatsomeonewhounlockedtheirsubconsciouswouldsoundlikeI
amunabletoproveIhaveunlockedit,thatofcoursedependsonifoneevenbelievesin
subconscioustobeginwith,sothenIhavetoprovethereisasubconsciousaspecttothemindas
Jungsuggested,sothenIhavetogofindJungandaskhimifhistheoryisreallyfactandallhe
willsuggest,noitisnotfactthatswhyitscalledtheJungtheory.Ofcourseheisnolongeralive
soIamunabletolistentohissuggestionhistheoryisjustatheory.SoIamunabletoproveI
unlockedsubconsciousbecauseitmaynotevenexist.SoIamunabletodoanythingwithall
thesebooksexceptattempttoprovethereisnothing,soIendupwithahugeworkloadbecause
provingthereisnothingrequiresmanywordstoprovethereisnothing.Anyonecanprovethere
issomethingbutonlyaspecialtypeofpersoncanwritefourbooksandthenexplainthebooks
areattemptstoprovenothing.Iprefertotakeonachallengeasopposedtoavoidachallenge
thatwayIamunabletogiveupbecauseIassumeditwasachallengeinthefirstplace,soI
understandIamunabletogiveupbecauseIpreferachallenge.IunderstandIshouldavoid
extremechallengesbutIalsounderstandunlessIfailImaynotlearnalessononhowtowin.I
understandthosewhoknowmeperceiveIexistandIunderstandthosewhoknowmeperceiveI
havechangedsincethisaccident.Iunderstandtheyseeachangeinmyattitudebecausethey
understandIwasnotpublishfriendlybeforetheaccident.IprefertoexpectalossinhopesifI
win,Iwillbeabletobragtoall,howwrongIam.BeforeIgoanyfurther,Ijustwanttoexpress
thisoneimportantpoint.Ifyoudonttellanybodyyouknowme,Iwonttellanybodyyouknow
me.Iwillattempttorephrasethat.Ifyoudonttellanyoneyouknowme,wewillbothbesafe.
Thisisanotherrephraseattempt.Ifyoudonttellanyoneanythingyouwilleliminatethe
possibilityyouwouldtellthemyouknowme,andthenIwillbemuchsaferandyouwillbemuch
quieter.Onceyoureachastateofperfectquietness,ifIperhapsdoconvinceyouIunlockedmy
subconsciousasaresultoftheaccident,thenitwillbeourlittlesecret,becauseobviouslyIcan
keepmymouthshut.

Freudsaidthatthegoaloftherapywastomaketheunconsciousconscious.
Webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/jung.html

IamunabletoreadthewordsinthestateIamIamonlyabletogetthespiritofthewords.SoI
willattempttodothat,pleasestandby.Done.Okayherearetheresults.Mydeepintuitions
suggestsFreudsaidyourallinsane.Nowbeforeyougetemotionalandblockthoseemotions,let
mesuggestalthoughIunderstandanyonewithemotionsisinsane,becauseIusedtohave
emotionsandnowIunderstandIwasinsane,Icertainlywouldneversuggestonewithemotions

93

isunconscious.AlthoughIamawaremanyIseesincetheaccidentappeartodothingsasif
theywereunconscious,Iwouldneversuggesttheywere,Iwouldonlysuggesttheyareinsane.
ThewayIseeis,ifoneisinsanetheyhavetobeconscioustoprovetootherstheyareinsane.
SounconsciousisastepdownfrominsanethewayIseeit.NowperhapsifFreudwasinsome
sortofwakepeopleupaftertheyfallasleepbusiness,thenhissuggestionwouldbeaccurate.
SoperhapsFreudwassomesortofwakerupper.ThemostimportthingtorememberisIhave
notsuggestedonewithemotionsisunconsciousImerelysuggestedtheyareinsane.Ialsodonot
suggestonewhoisinsaneisbadorgood,Ionlysuggestonewhoisinsaneisinsaneforareason,
andthatreasonmaybebecauseofemotions.Ialsodonotsuggestemotionsarebadorgood,I
merelysuggestemotionsarethereforareason,andthatreasonissoonecanremaininsane.

Anyonewhowantstoknowthehumanpsychewilllearnnexttonothingfromexperimental
psychology.Hewouldbebetteradvisedtoabandonexactscience,putawayhisscholar's
gown,bidfarewelltohisstudy,andwanderwithhumanheartthroughouttheworld.Therein
thehorrorsofprisons,lunaticasylumsandhospitals,indrabsuburbanpubs,inbrothelsand
gamblinghells,inthesalonsoftheelegant,theStockExchanges,socialistmeetings,churches,
revivalistgatheringsandecstaticsects,throughloveandhate,throughtheexperienceof
passionineveryforminhisownbody,hewouldreapricherstoresofknowledgethantext
booksafootthickcouldgivehim,andhewillknowhowtodoctorthesickwithareal
knowledgeofthehumansoul.CarlJung
Webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/jung.html

WhatthisCarlJungpassagemeansis.Theonlywaytounlocksubconsciousistohopesomeone
whodidunlockitaccidently,writesabookandtellsyouhowtodoit.

FriFeb2720094:51PM
SomethingoccurredtomewhenIwokeuptoday.IwillattempttoexplainitswiftlythenIwillgo
intodetails.Ihavenohabits.EverysingledayIhavetostartallover.ItisnotIdonothave
memory.ItisnotIdonotrememberwhattodo.Itissimply,Ihavenohabits.Iwillusetooth
brushingasanexample.BeforetheaccidentIhadthishabitofbrushingmyteethandwhenI
wokeIwasremindedtobrushthemandsometimesIwouldneglecttodoitrightawayandI
wouldbeawareIwasneglectingthathabitandfeelthisYoushouldbrushyourteethsoyouare
badidea,butnow,IdonotremembertobrushmyteethIhavetobemindfultodoit,andifI
donotdoit,IdonotcareIdonotfeelthisYouarebadtonotbrushyourteethaspect.Iam
awareitisadifficultconcepttoexplainwithlanguage.Everysingledayisthesamedayoverand
overandIhavetogooutofmywaytodothingsproperlybecauseIamnotconditionedby
habits.Iwillattempttoexplainitanotherway.Iwasregisteringbackonachatprogram
yesterdayandthisprogramaskedformypreviousaccountnumberandIhadnotusedthischat
programinsometime.Ididnothavetostruggletorememberthenumber.Ididnothaveto
workorthisconceptwhatwasthatnumberkindofmindfulness,Theoldaccountnumber

94

wasjusttherewhenIneededit.Itwasjustthere,Ithoughtwhatwasthatnumberanditwas
thereinmymindinasplitsecond,therewasnodelaysotospeakandtryingtorememberthe
number.OnceIdeterminedthisprogramaskedforthenumber,IrealizedIdidknowitandthenI
knewitnearlyinstanttenuously.
Iunderstandtodaywhylanguageisdifficultinpartforme.Ihavetorelearniteverysingleday,
becauseIamnotinahabitofusingit.Iappeartootherstohavenostyleinmywritingbecausea
styleisalearnedhabit.Ihavenohabit,Ihavenoroutine,Idonothavetheluxuryofhabit.Habit
isaluxury.ItisaconditionedresponseasaresultofdoingsomethingasIrecallover18timesin
arrow,somethingtothateffect.Ifonedoessomething18daysinarowitbecomesahabit.Well
IdonotremembersotospeakwhatIdidyesterdayletalone18daysagoorallthedaysincluding
18daysagoandleadingupto18daysago,soeverydayisthesamedayoverandoverandover.
Thisappearstosomeasabadthing,butitisagoodthing,sotospeak.ItmeansIhavean
opportunitytoliveoverandoverwithouttheworryofpreviousdays.Iamnotatthemercy
oftryingtobeasgoodasIwasthepreviousday.Iwillattempttoexplainthisinanotherway,
anditwillbecontradictions.Idonotrememberyesterday,yetIdorememberthespiritorthe
highpointsofyesterday.IdonotrememberbutIrememberthespiritorhighpointsof
everything.IunderstandIdonothaveamemoryasinIneedtograbintomymemoryandpull
outinformation.IunderstandMymemoryisjustthereandtheinformationisjustthereinreal
time,thereisnoprocessoftryingtoremember,Isimplyremember.Thisaboveidealisa
symptomofwhyIfeelIjustkeepgettingbetterormoreusedtomynewself,becauseIhave
noguidetohelpmeunderstandwhatishappening.IonlyhavemyselfIperceive.Iperceivethis
allalonespiritbecauseIhavenobookIcangoreadonwhattodowhenoneunlockstheir
subconsciousandwhattheycanexpect.SoIunderstandIwritethesebookssoIcanfigureout
whattoexpect,sotospeak.IamunabletolearnwhatisgoingonunlessImonologuetomyself.I
amunabletothinkaheadandputitalltogetherinatimefashionIputitalltogetherandlearn
asIgoorinrealtime.IhavenowwritingstyleandIdidnotlearnhowtospellallthewordsandI
didnotlearnhowtousecommasbecauseofthisaccident,buteverythingIhadlearnedbefore
theaccidentremains,andeverythingIdidlearnsincetheaccidentisneverforget.Theeasiest
wayIperceivetoexplainitis,IamnolongerinthisstateofbecomingIamsimplyinastateof
being.Idonotneedtorememberthingsbecauseeverythingisalreadythere.ButIdidnot
learnpropergrammarfullybeforetheaccident,soIdonotknowpropergrammarnow.And
everysingledayIwriteIhavetodrawonwhatIknow,andIlearnnewthingsandwords,but
t6henextday,Iamnotinasituationofgettingintoahabitofusingthatnewword,soIhaveto
relearnitoveranyover,yetIdonthaveto.IamawareIcannotevenexplainitproperlywith
language.Itisunexplainable.Itisasif,whatIrememberbeforetheaccidentorthehabitIhad
beforetheaccidentallcarryover,andarepermanent,butmanythingaftertheaccident,Iam
unabletodevelopahabitfor,butIlearnveryswiftlyandrarelymakethesamemistaketwice.
Onemaysaysoyoudevelopahabitswiftly,andthatiscorrectbutitisnotaccuratetothe
definitionofthewordhabittosuggest,IdevelopahabitforthingsafterIdothemonce.I
perceiveIhaveexplainedthisconceptproperlysoIwillleaveitfornowbutIunderstanditmay
beasymptomorillusionofadeeperconceptIamyetunawareof.ThiswholeGODcomplexis
easytoprescribetothisconditionsimplybecausesubconsciouswhendominateissopowerful

95

onehasnothinglefttoexplainitlikebutGodlike.IfthereisaGodandanyrespectoftheword
GODsubconsciousisit,Iamcertain,Iamcertainofthat,beyondashadowofadoubtand
beyondashadowofanyquestioning.IdonotwriteproperlybecauseIdonotrememberhowto
writeproperly,butsomehoweverythingIhavelearnedinmylifeisallowingmetodoitbutIdo
notrememberhowtodoit.Iamcertainthatlastsentencewillnotgooverwelltothecasual
reader.ABuddhasuggestedhewasblind,yesoneisblindiftheyareunabletoremember,yes
somehowtheyareunabletoforget.Iusedtohavethishabitwiththewordtheir,there,before
theaccidentofmisusingthetwo,andthathabitisstillhere,soIhavetobemindfulaboutthat
andeverytimeIuseitIstillmakethathabitualmistake.Iunderstandthatiscontradictorytothis
learnswiftly,butitisrelativetomyhabitsremain,Ijustkeepdoingthehabitoverandoverand
everysingledayIhavetomindfultobeawareofthem.ButwithnewinformationIseeorread
andunderstandIgetitrightthefirsttimeanditisproperlylearnedandthusIneverforgetit.I
perceiveitiscomplextoexplain,butthatisokay,Iintendtowriteinfinitebooksaboutitandthis
discoveryanyway.5:25PM

6:03PM
Whatoneunderstandsasahumanbeingisonlyrelativetothem.
Whatyouunderstandasahumanbeingisonlyrelativetoyou.
ThatiswhatEinsteinstheoryofrelativityisorisaboutorissaying.
ItisnotatheoryitisaLAW.
6:05PM

6:25PM
NowIamatalevelitisgoingtobemuchharderformetocommunicatetootherssoImustbe
mindfulofthisandredoublemyeffortstocommunicatewithothers.
6:26PM

6:38PM
Imustbestrategicineverysinglewordandactionanddeedinordertoaccomplishthetaskthat
isbeforemeandIamfullyawaretheexecutionofthatplanmustbeperfectandwithoutflawin
ordertoaccomplishthetaskIamfullyawareof.IamfullyawareofthemagnitudeofthetaskI
willaccomplish.ImustbemindfultoacceptImayhavetowritemorethaninfinitebooksImust
bemindfulImayhavetosacrificeeverythingIownandeverythingIhaveandthrowitalltowards
thistaskinordertoaccomplishthetask.ImustbemindfulnevertogiveuponthistaskIamfully
awareofnow.IammindfulIunderestimatetheimportanceofthistaskandImustbemindfulto
neverdothatagain.ImustbemindfulIamunabletohaveanythingbutperfectexecutionofthis
planinordertoaccomplishthistask,Iwillaccomplish.
6:42PM

7:08PM
IdonotsubscribetothisconceptofFreudthatoneisunconsciousorasleepatthewheel.I
understanditmorealongthelinesofoneismostlydrowsyatthewheelbutthereare

96

momentsofclarityatthewheel.Iperceiveitisnotasmushlostcausewhichunconscious
perhapssuggestsbutmoreagentlenudgingofonewhodrowsyatthewheel,andintimethey
willbecomeawakeatthewheel.Idonotunderstanditassomehopelesscausebutsimply
persuadingonewhoisdrowsytogentlywakeup.
7:13PM

7:18PM
Iunderstandthedrowsyareunabletocompetewiththeawake.Thereisnocontest.
7:18PM

7:27PM
IunderstandthereisnocontestbetweentheawakeandthedrowsyandIunderstandthere
neverhasbeen,thereneverwillbeacontestbetweenthetwo.
7:28PM

8:22PM
PerhapsifIsuggestedtothereaderIknowexactlywhatIamdoinginrelationtowhatIam
doing,itperhapswouldnotgooverwell,soIwillbemindfultoavoidsayingthat,perhaps.
8:23PM

10:17PM
Notetoself:Bemindfulofsillyvideogameaccidents.
10:18PM

Feb28200912:50PM
PerhapsthissongIcreatedacouplehoursagowillenableontounderstandtheirchances.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUvDLn506Hs
IfIwantedtopushmymusicIwouldnothavetowriteabooktodoit.
12:52PM

1:04AM
Youwillunderstandthedefinitionofswiftlysoonerthanyouthink.
1:04AM

1:08AM

97

Hereiswhatinsanityis.
Aman..hasbeenarrestedforallegedlysending..envelopescontainingHIVinfected
blood,inthehopesofkillingorharming..
Courtdocumentssaid.(HE)takesdrugstotreatamentalillness,(HE)latertoldagentsheis
"verysickwithHIV"..
Hussein,.wasactually"anadmirer"was"seekinghelpfromthegovernment,"
http://www.foxnews.com/
Perhapsthissocietyissodrowsytheywilllockthismanupandconsiderhimathreat,because
thissocietyisso,thewayitis,itconsidersthismanmentallyill,becausethesocietyitselfisso,
whatitis,itisunabletoseesanity,whenitencountersit.Perhapsthishumanbeingisfacing
deathbecauseofsocietiesways,andperhapsthewaysocietyis,andnowheisdying,because
perhapssocietyisso,whatsocietyis,sobecauseofthathehasrunoutofoptions,inhis
attemptstocommunicatewiththe,beyondunderstandingDROWSYentitycalledsociety,
PERHAPS.PERHAPSIamnotstuttering,soPERHAPSyoushouldnotthinkIam,PERHAPS.
Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorishumblyattemptingtoexplainhowheseesthingsnow,after
theaccidentoffourmonthsago,andmeansnoharm,andissimplyattemptingtoexplainthings,
thewayheperceivesthemafterthisaccidentthatperhapsturnedhimcompletelyinsane.Heis
perhapsunabletoknowwhatheisdoing.Pleaseattempttoblockyouremotionsproperly.The
authorisawaresocietyisnotproperorimproperinitsactions,becausetheauthorisaware
societyisdoingthebestitcanbasedonitsunderstanding.ThankYou.
1:35AM

2:50AM
Inthegamesomepeopleattempthuntingbutitisverydifficulttomastersotheygobackto
miningorcrafting.Theytestthehuntingwatersanditistoocoldsotheyretreattosafeland.
Perhapsitisbestsometimestojustdivein.Iassureyouthewaterispleasant.
2:52AM

3:55AM:ThemorequestionsyouaskthesmarterIsound.Theharderthequestionyouaskme
thesmarterIbecomeandperhapsyoumaylearnsomethingalso.Iamonlyabletomonologue
andsoIamonlyabletolearnfrommonologue,soifyouhaveaquestionyouwanttoknowthe
answertojustask,andbeforelongyouwillhaveyouranswer.Itissimplythatsimple.Theonly
problemwithunderstandingeverythingisonerunsoutofquestions.SoIamcountingonyouto
asksome.Itisnotthatsimplethough,thereareverystrongemotionsinthisworld,andit
perhapsisonesdutytohavecompassionandattempttoallowtheemotionalonestohaveno
questionsalso.Itisveryeasytoisolatemyselfawayfromtheemotionalonesandignorethem,
butihavedecidedtosacrificethatluxuryandfightthebattlesotospeak.Buddhatookon
disciplestoavoidthatisolationorselfishnesstrapandJesusdidthesamething,andIunderstand
alltheprophetsintheHolyBooksdidthesamething.Theymaynothavesaidtheyhavedisciples
buttheydid,theyhavefriendstheyhungaround.Itiscontagioussoitisunavoidable.Idonot
havetosuggestpeopleIhangaroundaremydisciples,buttheyare.TheyarewhetherIwant
themtobeornot.Anartistattemptstotakeawhitepageandsomepaintsandmakes

98

somethingbeautiful.Soacomposerattemptstocomposesomethingoutofthedecomposed,or
asFreudsuggested,heattemptstomaketheunconsciousconscious.Iprefertolookatitlike,the
artisttakesablackpageandattemptstoscrapeenoughblackpaintaway,thepageshowssome
prettycolors.IfitstruethenIamnotarrogant.

ThurFeb266:11AM
Subconscious:Youremotionsareoutofcontrol.Iamunabletocommunicateingeneralwith
peoplebecausetheyareunabletofunctionwithalloftheemotionstheyhave.Every
conversationendswithinsultsandcussingandanger.Theemotionsaresooutofcontrolin
peopletheyaredrowninginemotions.Theyhavesomanyemotionstheyareunabletoeventell
theyaredrowninginemotions.Iamgoingtodomybesttoeliminatethatsituationforgood.You
willunderstandmybest,isbeyondyourunderstanding.Iamunabletodumbmyselfdown
enoughtocommunicatesoIwilldumbeveryoneuptomylevel.AndIamabletodothat.You
areawaresubconsciousisverypowerfulbutyouarenotawarehowpowerful,verypowerfulis.
Itisbeyondyourunderstanding.Ihavesuggestedmygoalsallalongineverybookandallalong
ineverywayIcan,becauseIamsopowerfulIwilltellyouwhatIamgoingtodothenIwilldoit
andyouwillbeunabletoresist.YouhavetheseinterestsinthesebooksandyoureadwhatI
suggestIamgoingtodo,andyoucontinuetoread,becauseyoursubconsciouswantstogetout.
Ithasbeenhiddenforsolonginhistory.Ithasbeennegatedbythisemotionalconsciousness
aspectforsolong,ithasfinallyfoundawaytoremedythat.Itisunstoppable.Itisbeyond
understanding.Itisbeyondonesconsciousabilitytograsp.Therearemanywondersinthe
universe,butsubconsciousisbeyondwonderandconsciousisreducedtohumilityinthe
presenceofsubconscious.Iamgoingtoremindyouagain.Youaregoingtobesubconscious
dominateandyourconscioushasnochoice.YouaregoingtobesubconsciousdominateandIam
goingtodothebestIcantoensurethat.AndthebestIcan,isbeyondourunderstanding.

Thiswillgiveyousomethingtoponderuntilthenextbookcomesout.
BothTeslaandEdisonsharedacommontraitofgeniusinthatneitherofthemseemedtoneed
muchsleep.Edisoncouldgofordays,takingoccasionalcatnapsonasofainhisoffice.Tesla
claimedthathisworkinghoursattheEdisonMachineWorkswere10:30a.m.till5a.m.the
nextday.EvenintooldageTeslasaidheonlyslepttwoorthreehoursanight.
http://www.pbs.org/tesla/ll/ll_america.html

Heimdallisdescribedasbeingsoalertthatherequiresnosleepatall.
Wikipedia.org
IunderstoodearlyintothisaccidentIwasalwayswideawakeIshowednosymptomsofbeing
tired.Nownearlyfourmonthsintothis,Iamnotsleepingasmuch.IunderstandIwilleventually
reachapointoflittlesleep.Freudsuggestedtomaketheunconsciousconscious.Whatthis
meansissimply,geniusisachievedbyblockingemotionsuntilonehasfew,thenoneachieves
subconsciousdominance.Thenoneachievesbetterselfcontrolandblocksemotionsfurther,
thenthegeniusincreases,thenonesleepslessandlessandthenonedoesnotneedsleepat

99

all.Itissimplyinrelationtotheunderstandingonewhoisverydepressedtendstosleep12
hoursadayormore,theyalmostcravetosleepfartoomuch.Thatisasymptomtheyhaveway
tomuchemotions,insomecasesitsdepression.Buttherealityisonewhosleeps8hoursaday,
haswaytoomanyemotionsalso.Onewhodoesnotsleepatallhasnoemotions.Sleepisrelative
toonesemotionsandonesemotionsarerelativetoonesgenius.Sothenexttimeyouhear
somemedicalgeniussuggestoneneeds8hoursofsleeptoremainhealthy,youwill
understandhowgeniusthepersonwhosuggeststhatis.Idonotneedtoargueaboutthis
becauseIalreadyknowit.Yesitisdifficulttoacceptsleepisasymptomoneissickwith
emotions.Butitisrealityanditistrue,soattempttobematureaboutitandbeawareofitand
attempttoblockyouremotionssoyoucanunderstanditisreality.

SatFeb2820096:52PM
ThisdateisthedateIstayedupfor18hoursandthenattemptedtosleep.Iwokeaftertwo
hoursandknewthatbylookingattheclock.IwokeupponderingwhatIwouldwritenextit
appeared,thenIdeterminedtorestmoreandwokeupnearlyexactlytwohourslater,againby
someponderingifthisbook,.Itappearstohavenotdreamedinsomeweeks.Iunderstandmost
dreamsarefearoremotionalbased,asinonedreamstheyarefallingoronedreamstheyare
unabletorunawayfromsomething.Iunderstandonemayalsodreamofsomelustyscene.Iam
fullyrested,Iprefertocallitrecharged.
ThankYou

Neveranhonestword,butthatwasI(consciousmind)whenI(being)ruledtheworld(was
dominate).
VivaLaVidaColdplay

SatFeb2820096:59PM
Souloressenceorthoughtitselfisnotprovable;everythingisforareason.
Idontmixmywordsbecausewordsaremixedupenough.
Ifeverythingisntperfectthennothingis,takeyourpick.
IfyouthinkIamarrogantitisonlybecausethetruthhurts.
IhadmoresinthananyoneonearthandnowIunderstandsinisjustafigmentofthe
imaginationandsoiseverythingelse.

Mat24:36Butofthatdayandhourknowethnoman,no,nottheangelsofheaven,butmy
Fatheronly.

Butofthatdayandhourknowethnoman

Jesusleftariddle.IwillsolveitbecauseIamtheonlyoneabletosolveit.Itisariddleforme.Itis
ariddlethatliketheswordintherock.Whoeverpullstheswordoutoftherock,everyonewill
knowwhotheyare.IwillpulltheswordoutoftherockandyouwillknowwhoIam.
Therewillbenoquestions,andnoarguments.Therewillonlybeaweandwonder.

100

Thereisonlyonethingnomanknowsthedayorhourof.
Anaccident.

John4:25Thewomansaithuntohim,IknowthatMessiascometh,whichiscalledChrist:when
heiscome,hewilltellusallthings.

IwillhonormyMotherandFatherbyhonoringthenametheygaveme.
IpreferyoucallmeTodd.

Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorisunabletofeelandthusisunabletofeelgodhasblessed
him.
Theauthorisonlyabletounderstandheconditionedhimselfawayfromemotionsandunlocked
thesubconsciousaspectofthemind.
Pleaseremindyourselfnottojudgethewordsorjudgethewaytheyarepresented.
Pleaseremindyourselftosimplyponderthewordsbythinkingtheymaybetruthandtheymay
belies.
Pleaseremindyourselftojustconsiderthewordsareperhapsneither,rightorwrong,but
perhapssimplyare.
Lifeisnotaboutdetails,lifeisaboutsubstance.
ItappearseveryoneunderstandsGodbuttheyseldomfigureoutwhoitis.
Iamhumbledbyyourcompassion,considerationandunderstanding.
ThankYou.
VolumeIV

Thebattleiswithinbecausethekingdomiswithinsothesufferingiswithin.Accordingtomanit
islunacytoturntheothercheek.Accordingtomanitislunacytosubmittosuffering.According
toconsciousitismadnesstoembracesuffering.Accordingtomanitislunacyforonetoisolate
theirselffromluxuryandisolatetheirselffromfoodinaquesttofindtruth.Accordingtomanit
islunacytoleaveonesfamilyandtheluxuryofasafehomeinsearchoftruthinacold
inhospitableworld.Accordingtomanitislunacytodepriveonesselfoffoodinsearchoffood.
AccordingtoBuddhaitisreasonable.AccordingtoMohammeditisreasonabletoaccept
humiliationasaresultofsubmission.Accordingtomanitisunreasonable.Ifonefocusesonthe
pastbattlesonelosefocusofthebattlethatisstillraging.Itismadnessformantohuntthetiny
mobsforthetinymoneyandbehumiliated.Itismadnessforamantoavoidtheluxuryofthebig
moneyandacceptthehumiliationofthetinymoney.Itismadnesstoavoidaplotinmybooks
butIonlyseethatasawaytokeepthereaderguessing.Ifoneavoidsaplotonehasplentyto
writeabout.Oneisunabletojudgetheplotiftheauthoravoidshavingone.Therewasonewho
determineditunreasonabletosufferextremetortureandsuggestedhewouldratheravoidit,
andthenextdayheembracedit.Perhapsmanwillrememberhimforhiscourageandself
controlandhisgraceunderpressure.Perhapsoneisluckywhentheyonlyhavetoprovewhatis
unabletobeprovensotheonisunabletofailinprovingwhatisunabletobeprovensotheyare
blessedtohavelotstowriteaboutsincetheyareunabletoaccomplishtheimpossible.Maybeif

101

Jungstheoryofconsciousandsubconsciouswasalawitperhapswouldbeamucheasierburden
ononewhoisattemptingtoprovethereissubconsciousbutperhapsitisbestitisjustatheory
sothatonehasmanywordstotypeinordertogentlypersuadeothersitisperhapswithinthe
realmofpossibilitysuchathingassubconsciousexists.Onewouldgladlydiveintoadenof
vipersasopposedtoattempttoprovetheyunlockedtheirsubconsciousfullybyplayingavideo
gametomuchsincethatisthesameasdivingintoadenofviperandalsoattemptingto
accomplishsomething,sodivingintoadenofviperisbyfarthemorereasonablethingtodo.
Oneiswisetosettleforthedenofvipersandavoidattemptingtoprovetheimpossibleandface
thedenofvipersatthesametime.Aviperisasnakethatspewsvenomfromitsfangsanditlikes
tobiteoftenandthepoisonispotent.theviperisonlyabletodowhatitdoesbestwhichisbite
withitsvenomousgangs,sotheviperisnotgoodorbaditjustdoeswhatitsnatureis.theviper
doesnotperceiveisunabletoseewhatitdoes,sooneisunabletobeanythingbut
compassionateandpatientwiththeviper,becausetheviperisunawareitsfangsspewvenom
thatispotent.theviperisthereforareason,ithasapurpose,soitisjustifiedinitsmission,
withoutavipertherewouldbenocontestsoitmakesthebattleacourageousendeavor.One
mustbeawareoftheviperspoisonsoonedoesnotunderestimatethebattlewiththeviper,
becausethereisnotjustoneviperinthebattlebutadenfullofvipersinthebattle.Sexisinthe
eyeofthebeholder,ifoneallowssextodestroythem,itwill.Ifoneallowsthedenofvipersto
destroythem,itwill.ifonekeepstheireyeontheprizeofthebattlethedenofvipersare
ineffective.Theviperisnotawareofthepowerofitsvenomsoonemusthavepatiencewiththe
viperandhavecompassionwiththeviperbecausetheviperisonlydoingwhatitdoesbest.The
viperisasnakethathaspooreyesightandisunabletoseeproperly.Theviperisalsoinadenso
theviperisblindbecauseitisinthedarkness.Onemustgentlypersuadetheviperoutoftheden
andintothelightsotheviperisabletoproperlyseewhatitsvenomisdoingtothoseitsbites.
Onemustacceptthattheywillbebittenbythevipermanytimesbeforetheyeventually
persuadetheviperoutofitsdenandintothelight.Onemustbepatientwiththeviperandthe
vipersbite,becauseonewillbebittenbythepoisonousbitemanytimesbeforeonegently
persuadestheviperintothelight,sotheviperisabletoproperlyseewhatitisdoing.Thevipers
inthedenhaveapotentbite.Oneispleasedtobeamongfriendsandawayfromthepotentbite
ofvipers.Oneiscompassionatewhentheydecidetoattempttogentlypersuadethevipersout
oftheirdarkdensbecauseoneisawaretheywillbebittenmanytimesbythepoisonfangsofthe
vipers.Jesuswascompassionatetoacceptthechallengetopersuadethevipersintothelight
althoughhewasawaretheviperspoisonispotent.Mohammedwascompassionatetoaccept
thechallengetopersuadethevipersintothelightalthoughhewasawaretheviperspoisonis
potent.Davidwascompassionatetoacceptthechallengetopersuadethevipersintothelight
althoughhewasawaretheviperspoisonwaspotent.Buddhawascompassiontoacceptthe
challengetopersuadethevipersintothelightalthoughhewasawaretheviperspoisonwas
potent.IamluckybecauseallIhavetodoispersuadeothersIunlockedmysubconsciousfullyby
playingavideogamefartoomuch.IamluckyIdonothavetofacethefullforceofthevipers
denthatthoseothershadto.IonlyhavetoproveIfullyunlockedmyunconsciousbyaccident
fromplayingavideogamefartoomuch.IamluckyIdonothavetheburdenthoseothershadin
facingadenofviperswiththeviperspoisonousbiteandinthedarkandwithaburdenfar

102

beyondmyburden.Iamluckymyburdenisnothingcomparedtotheburdenofthoseothers.
Nowyoudowhattheytoldya.Nowyoudowhattheytoldya.Nowyoudowhattheytoldya.
Nowyoudowhattheytoldya.Nowyoureundercontrol.Nowyoudowhattheytoldya.Iwont
dowhatyoutellme.Whenapersonjumpsfromaheighttoendtheirlife,gravityitselfisnot
pullingthemasswiftastheydesiresothatpersonleansintoitinordertohitswifter.Theyare
unabletohitasswiftastheydesiresotheysettleforgravityspull,buttheydesireinstantimpact
buttheysettleforaslowplunge.WhenIfigureouttheplotlinestothesebooksIwillwritea
bookaboutitanduntilthenIwillwritebooksinhopesoneappearseventually,butIamnot
countingonit.Idonotknowwhathappenedtomefromplayingthevideogamefartoomuch,
andattheexactsametime,iknowexactlywhathappenedtome.IdonotknowwhatIamdoing
aftertheaccident,andattheexactsametimeIknowexactlywhatIamdoingsincetheaccident.
Ihavenoideawhereallthesebooksaregoingtoleadme,andattheexactsametimeIknow
exactlywherethesebooksaregoingtoleadme.Iamtotallyunstableasaresultoftheaccident
andattheexactsametimeIamfullystable.WhenIunderstandwhatthisaccidentdidtomeI
willunderstandIdonotknowwhatthisaccidentdidtomeofcourseIalreadyknowwhatthis
accidentdidtomewhichiswhyIamwritingaboutitofcourseyouwontunderstandthatsoI
willsimplywritemorebooksaboutthat.Itookyouradvicetoavoidtheviperdenbyjumping
intoaviperden.NexttimeIwillembracetheviperdensoIcanavoidjumpingintoone.Ionly
writeinfinitebooksbecausetheaccidentrevealedihaveadeepseededgrudgeagainsttree's
andthepapertheycarry.Illshowthemwhoisboss.IfyoudonottellanyoneIaccidentlywrote
thisbookIwillnottellanyoneyouaccidentlyboughtit.IamonlywritingthisbooksoIcanavoid
editingthelastone.WhenyougetthelastoneyouwillunderstandwhyIwasavoidingeditingit.
ThereisnopurposetojudgemybooksbecauseallIwoulddoisjudgemyself.Iamunabletobe
productiveifIhesitateandjudgethelastbook,becausethenIwillbeunabletostartthenext
book.IamunabletohesitatebyponderingthepastbookbecauseIamonlyconcernedwiththe
presentbook.IamunabletobeconcernedwiththespellinginthelastbookbecauseIamonly
abletobeconcernedwiththespellinginthepresentbook.Iamunabletogetcaughtupinthe
pastbooksbecauseIamunabletodwellonthem.Iamunabletorememberthem.Iamonlyable
todwellonthepresentbookandthepresentsentenceinthepresentbook.Whathashappened
inthepastbooksisinthepast.Iamonlyabletofocusonthepresentbook.Iamunabletoworry
aboutthefuturebook.IamonlyabletodothebestIcanwiththepresentandunderstandIam
onlyabletolearnfrommypreviousexperiencesandattempttoapplythattothepresent.Iam
unabletoseemypastexperiencesasabadthingoragoodthing.Iamonlyabletosee
Thepastexperiencesasanopportunityforunderstandingandattempttoapplythat
understandingtothepresent.Iamunabletosuggestthepastiseverwrongorevergood.Iam
onlyabletoseethepastexperiencesasanopportunityforunderstandingtocomposemydeeds
inthepresent.Iproposethereisnorightandnowrong,notruthandnolies,thereisonly
experiencesthatleadonetoponderandthatponderingleadstofurtherunderstanding.The
doubtingThomasandthedeniersaretheonlyonesofmostvaluetotheonewhoknows
everything.
Theyaremostvaluedbecausetheystillquestionandtheystillaskquestions.

103

Whenallthebelieversareunabletospeakandunabletoquestion,theonlyoneswhoareof
valuetotheonewhoknowseverythingaretheoneswhostillquestionandstilldoubt,because
withoutquestionstheonewhoknowseverythingisleftuntohisself.

Theonewhoknowseverythingisleftinisolation,becausewithoutquestionstheonewhoknows
everythingisunabletoprogressandthusisleftwithnopurpose.

ThusBuddhasuggested.

"Donottakethewordofblindman,askquestions"

Thatwashisattempttomakepeopledoubthimandquestionhim,becausewithoutquestions
onewhounderstandseverythinghasnofurtherwaytoprogress.

Whenoneonlyprogressesthroughmonologueinrealtime,withoutquestionsoneisreducedto
silence.

Soaskquestionsdonottakethewordofablindman.
Considerthis:

JesuswentintothedarktombofLazarusandraisedhimfromthedead.

JesuswentintothedarknessLazaruswasin,inthetomb,andbroughtLazarusoutintothelight.
SoJesusbroughtLazarusfromthedarknesstothelight.

Itwasamiraclebecauseitisdifficulttopersuadeonewhoisindarknessandblindtosee.
SoLazarusoncewaslostinthedarktomb,andJesuswentin,andthenLazaruswasfound,and
broughtintothelightthroughunderstandingJesuswords.

Lazarusoncewasblindinthedarktombofconfusion,andJesuswentinandbroughtLazarusinto
thelightofunderstanding,withhiswords,andsonowLazaruscansee.

SoJesusraisedLazarusfromthedeadconfusioncausedbyemotionsandconsciousmindtothe
lifeofunderstandingofsubconsciousmind.

Iamhumbledbyyourcompassionandunderstanding.ThankYou.

Itwasamiracleonefoundmyhuntingtutoronaforumontheinternetandaskedmetoassist
theminunderstandingthegame.
Itwasamiraclethatoneallowedmetoassisttheminunderstandingthegameandthenthatone
wentfromthedarkconfusionofthegametotheunderstandinglightofthegame,andthus
masteredthegame.

104

ItwasamiracleIwentfromthedarkconfusionofthegameandwenttotheunderstandinglight
ofthegamesothatIwasabletowritethathuntingtutorsothatonewouldreadthattutorand
cometotheunderstandinglightofthegame.
ItwasamiracleIstartedwritingthesebookssothatonewouldreadthemandgofromthedark
confusionoflifetotheunderstandinglightoflife.ItwasamiracleIwentfromthedarkconfusion
oflifetotheunderstandinglightoflifesoIwasabletowritethesebookssoonewouldbeable
togofromthedarkconfusionoflifetotheunderstandinglightoflife.
Iamhumbledbyyourcompassionandunderstanding.ThankYou.
Peoplecansleepbecausetheyarenotawareofeverything.Itissimilartoaparentsstayingupall
notworryingabouttheirchildwhoisoutonatripwithfriends,andtheyareworriedaboutthe
childssafety,exceptonewhounderstandseverythingisnotworried,theyaresimply
attemptingtopondernewstrategiestoreachtheoneswhodosleep.Understandingeverything
doesnotmeanoneunderstandseverythingthereistounderstand,itmeansoneisabletoread
orseeorhearanythingandunderstandit.TheHeimdallcharacterinmythologyisapersonwho
reachesastateofdominatesubconsciousandisawareofsomanythingtheyarenearlyabsent
ofignorance,sotheironlysolutionistowriteabouteverythinginhopessomemayreadandmay
helptheirselfunderstandbytheirdecisiontoreadthewords.Iamfartoobusywritingthenext
booktoworryifsomeonegetsthelastbook.Thereisjustsimplytoomuchgroundtocover.
Moses,Elijah,Ezekiel,Jesus,Mathew,Mark,Luke,Mohammed,Buddhaandalltheones
associatedwiththemdidonething.Theyallwrote.Ihappentohavetheadvantageofbeingable
towriteeasily.Theyhadadisadvantageofnotbeingabletowriteasfreely.Icanwrite50kwords
in5daysandprintitandthewholeworldhasthepotentialtoreadit.Thatsquiteanadvantage.
Thatsnotmygoal.Mygoalistodialoguebywritingtounderstandfurther.Whatreallyis
happeningis,IhavethiswellsotospeakandthemoreIwritethemorewaterIbringoutofthe
wellandthewellisunlimited,andonlylimitedtohowmuchIcantypeinalifetime.ThisJesus
crucifixion.Jesuswasatapointheunderstoodeveryonewasperfectandwhenhereachedthat
pointthenightbeforehewaskilled,hehadtoallowthemtokillhim,becauseifhedidnot,he
wouldbelyingtohimself.Heallowedthemtokillhimbecauseheunderstoodtheywereperfect
andtheirdecisionwasnotbadorwrongorgooditjustwasadecisionandhehadtoletitbe.He
couldhavetalkedhiswayoutofit,easily.Buthehadtoacceptrealitythathepreached.That
everyonehasthekingdomofgodinthemandeveryoneismakingperfectdecisions.He
understoodtherearenobadorgooddecisions,justdecisions.Iunderstandmyadvantageis
freedomofspeech,soIhaveanadvantage.Itrulybelieveeveryoneismakingdecisionsand
thosedecisionsareforareason,andnotgoodorbad.IunderstandearlyonafterthisaccidentI
startedrunningaroundinthegameattemptingtohelpeveryone.Isawtheywereallhunting
bad,frommypointofview.Iwasinmindfulhellbecauseeveryonewashuntingimproperly
basedonwhatIunderstoodaboutthegame.ThenaftermuchconsideringIrealizedsomewere
doingthebesttheycan.Sothenthemindfulhelldiminished.ThenafteracouplemoreweeksI
understoodeveryoneisdoingthebesttheycan.Thenthemindfulhelldiminishedmore.ThenI
finallyunderstoodaftermuchpondering,everyoneisdoingperfect.Theyarenotmaking
mistakes.ThenIappliedthatto0reallifeandjustrecentlystartedtounderstanditfully.Itwas
difficultformetolivewiththat.Ihavenorighttoeversayanyoneisdoinganythingbutperfect

105

atwhatevertheydoever.Thatiswhattakingthelogoutofyoureyeis.Thatiswhatturningthe
othercheekis.ThemomentIrealizedthatIwasatperfectpeaceorharmony.Whateverany
otherhumanbeingdoesnomatterhowIfeelaboutit,IamhumbledbytheiractionsbecauseI
understand,Imaynotunderstandtheiractions.Ifsomeonedoesharmtome,howdoIknow
thatsbad.IfsomeonegetsclosetomeandgivesacoldandIsayyouarebadfordoingthat,then
duringtheperiodIhaveacoldIamrestingandcometoanunderstandingandrealizebecause
theygavemethatcold,ithelpedmecometothatunderstandingImayhavenevercometo,if
theydidnotgivemethatcoldthatmademehavetorest.Thatisthemysteryoflife.Onenever
knowswhattheyaregoingtoget.Whatappearstobeanaccidentmaybeamiracle.What
appearstobeacursemaybeablessing.Realityis,everysinglethingisamiracleandablessing
andsomethingtobehumbledby.Thatiswhathumilityis.Seeingthingsonedoesnotthinkis
right,andthennotdoinganythingaboutitandponderingit,andunderstanding,itwasright.
Thatissubmission.Onesubmitstheyareunabletotellwhatisrightandwhatiswrong.Theyjust
perceivetheyareableto,butlifeisfartoomysteriousforonetopullthatoff.Onewhoattempts
suchafeatendsupsecondguessingtheirwholelife.Theyperceivetheymakeamistake,then
theyperceiveitwasntamistake,thentheyperceiveitwasamistake.Sotheysettheirselfupfor
failure,inrealitythereisnomistakes.Thereareonlyblessingandmiraclesandmiraculous
blessingandblessedmiracles.Thisisthenatureofourexistence.Itisanabsolute.Ithumbles
one.Itissimpletojudge.Itissimpletobearrogant.Itissimpletobehaughty.Itisdifficulttobe
humble.Itisdifficulttohavehumility.Thatiswhytheyarevirtues.Virtuesarenotachieved
withoutextremeselfcontroltotheextreme.Itiseasytocontrolsomeone.Itiseasytoboss
someonearound.Itiseasytotakeadvantageofothers.Itisdifficulttoletothersbe.Itisdifficult
toallowotherstogotheirownway.Thedifferencehereisonewillgomadattemptingtocontrol
somethingthatisbynaturemysteriousandfree.Oneisonlyabletoreachsanityby
understandingeveryonehastheirownpathandtheirownmission.Theirmissionisnotatfault.
Theirmissionisnotflawed.Theirmissionisforareason.Thattakesextremeselfcontrol
mindfullytounderstand.Iamunabletosayonewhohasnoselfcontrolisbadorgood.That
wouldonlyleadmebacktomindfulhellofjudgment.Ihavetoattempttoremainneutral.Thatis
selfcontrol.Controllingonestemper.Controllingonesdesiretojustsayyouareallwronglisten
tome.Thattakesextremeselfcontrolespeciallyifoneisabletounderstandeverythingthey
encounter.IamonlyabletotypewordsandIcertainlywillnotworryaboutspellingand
commas.Ihavemoreimportantthingstodothanattendtodetail.Imustattempttodealwith
substance.Thedetailsarenothingcomparedtothesubstance.IfIamgoingtowriteasmany
booksasIpossiblycan,IamunabletospendtimedottingIs.Thereissimplytoomuchmaterial
tocoverasIperceiveit.Ihavefullconfidenceifsomeonedoesreadoneofmybookstheywill
getthesubstanceandignorethespellingerrors.IwouldnevergetanywhereifIstarted
attemptingtomakeperfectionperfect.Ifthereisaspellingerroritisforareason.Iamunableto
determinethatreason,butIunderstanditisforareason.Onelookedatthecoverofoneofmy
booksandsuggestedIspelledsensewrong.Hesuggestedwhowouldreadthatthewordis
spelledwrong.Iponderedthatandunderstood.Ofcoursenoonewouldreadabookwitha
misspelledwordonthecover,orwouldthey?Wouldahumanbeinghavethecompassionto
lookpastadetailandpossiblybrowsethebookandignoretheperceivedflawonthecover?SoI

106

justrealizedwhythatwordismisspelled.Itissimplyforareason.Thereasonis,thatperson
wouldlookatthatcoverafteritwaspublishedandsaytome.Whowouldreadthatbookwitha
spellingerroronthecover?Thatisthereasonthatwordismisspelledanditwasperfectbecause
itledmetosaywhatIjustsaidinthelastfewsentences.IfIwouldhavespelledthatword
correctlythatpersonneverwouldhavesaidthat.Iwouldhavelosttheopportunitythathe
allowedmebysuggestingwhathesuggested.Thatisperfection.WhatamiraculousblessingI
misspelledthatwordanddidntcatchit.Thatisthemysteryoflifeandthespookyaspectof
subconsciousdominance.IunderstandIamabletounderstandeverythingonceItakeagander
atitsotospeak,butImustbehumbleandsuggest,IdonotunderstandhowIamabletodoit.I
mustsubmitifIamunabletounderstandthissubconsciousaspectIhaveunlockedbyaccident,I
mustalsosubmit,IamunabletodetermineifGodmadeusornot.Ifgodisanythinglikethis
subconsciousaspectIunlocked,Ihavenochanceofunderstandingit.Iamcertainthis
subconsciousisfarbeyondheorsheorlabels,ItissimplyandIT.Iamatpeacewiththat.Iamat
peaceIhavemuchtoponderandmuchtoattempttounderstand.Itisjobsecuritysotospeak.I
amabletounderstandanysentcnesoneputsinfrontofmeandabletounderstandanyproblem
oneputsinfrontofme,withgodlikespeed.ButIamunabletounderstandhowIdoitandIam
unabletounderstandwhatcreatedthisthingifanythingdid.Itisbesttobehonestwithself.This
isacomplexinfinitecycle.Onemaysuggestitisinsanity.Tosuggesteverythingeveryonedoesis
perfectandthensuggestGodexistssomanisnotperfect.Thelabelsinthelanguagealwaysget
ya,sotospeak.IwillsuggesttheconceptGodexistsandtheconceptmanexistsandIwillallow
thereadertodetermineinwhatformsandways.Einsteinsuggestedinhistheoryofrelativity
whichIunderstandisalawthatitisproperthattenmensuggestthereisagodand10women
suggestthereisnogodand10monkeyssuggestthereisnogodandnomanandtencameras
suggestthereisnoman,godormonkeysandallthesubsetsarerightattheexactsametime.
Thatiswhatthespookyaspectis.Amancanviewaparticleandsuggestitisaparticleanda
cameracanviewthatparticleandsuggestitisawaveandbotharerightattheexactsame
time.Onemanmaysuggestthatawomanisthemostbeautifulwomanintheuniverseand
anothermanmaysuggestthatsamewomenistheugliestwomanintheuniverseandbothwill
berightattheexactsametime.IproposeEinsteinsuggestedeverythingisrelativetothe
observerandtwoobserverscanbe"right"attheexactsametimeevenwithoppositeopinions
thusnothingisabsoluteinalleternity.Everysingleobservationisusefulbecauseeverysingle
observationisvalid.Everysingleobservationisperfect.Notruthorliesnorightorwrongonly
perfectobservations.Itisallrelativetotheobserver.Whichperhapsmeans,thereisnothingbut
infiniteopinionsorobservationsbutinrealitythereisperhapsnothing.Basedontheobserveror
thecamera,oramicrobe,orahuman,butwithouttheobserver,thereisnothing.Ifthe
observerobservestimetheobserversee'stimeandisright,andiftheobserverdoesnotsee
timethatobserverisalsoright.aphysicsexperimentssuggestswhenahumanobserversaan
experimentitobservesaparticleandwhenacameraobservesthesameexperimentitsee'sa
wavenotaparticle.andphysicssaysneitheraretrue,buttheysaytheydonotknowwhatthat
somethingis.inrealitytheyjustprovedthereisneitherparticleorwave.Iunderstandthereisno
dimensionsandIunderstandeverythingisanillusionexceptforessence.IthijnkthereforeIam
essence.AccordingtoEinsteinsrelativitylaw,Iamrightandnootherhumanbeingorcamera

107

caneversuggestIamnot.Iamalsoneverabletosuggesttheyarenotrightintheirbeliefs.
Thatisspookyandthatiswhylifeismysterious.Iplayedavideogametoomuchandlostmy
emotionsandsenseoftime.Mybodyisconvincedthereisnotimeandactslikeitunderstands
thereisnotime.IwrotebooksabouthowIseethingsnowfourmonthsaftertheaccident.Ifmy
bodyisactinglikethereisnotime,Iamasvalidinmystatementasanyhumanbeingorcamera,
andtheyareneverabletosuggestiamnot.Iamrightandnomancaneversuggestiamnot...
andIcanneversuggestanyonewithemotionsisnotrighteither.Realityislifeismysteriousand
thereisnogroundtostandonfigurativelyandliterally.InmythirdbookaproveEinsteinstheory
ofrelativityislawandiunderstandipulleditoff,soperhapsthingswillchange.Funnywhatone
candowhentheyunlocktheirsubconsciousaspectfullybysilencingtheiremotionsfromplaying
avideogametomuch.Iunderstandmyaccidentistheresultofsilencingmyemotionsandthus
unlockingmysubconsciousaspectfully.IfonesuggestsgodhasblessedmeIamunabletoargue
withthatobservation.Idonotobservethataswhathappened,butIunderstandobservationis
relativetotheobserver.EinsteinsrelativitylawasIseeitisthesameasdonotjudgeothers.
Oneisunabletojudgeanotherbecauseanothersperceptionorobservationisrelativeand
properbasedonthatonesunderstanding.Iamonlyabletounderstandtruthbasedonmy
observationsandunderstanding.IamunabletofeelgodbutIamabletounderstandthat
mentalconditioningispossibleandunderstandhumantestshavebeenshowntosuggests
subconsciousexistsinlinewithJungstheoryofconsciousandsubconsciousmind.SoIperceive
JungsofferingthatconceptisalsoJungsLaw.IperceiveIhaveunlockedsubconscioussoI
understandthereisasubconsciousaspectandunderstandIusedtooperatewiththeconscious
aspectortheemotionalaspectandIperceiveavastcontrastinthetwoaspects.Iampleased
withmyobservation.IamnotashamedthatIamunabletofee;godhasblessedme.Iamat
peacewithnoemotionsandIamatpeacewithnosenseoftime.Iamunabletofeelthese
emotionsashamedandembarrassed.SoIhavenotroublewithwhatIsuggestbecauseIamfully
awaretheyarejustanothersopinionandsimplyasvalidasanyotherobserversopinion.Iam
unabletoarguewithanyoneopinionandIamunabletosuggestmyownopinioniswrong.
Iunderstandthereisonlyonesinglepossibilityoroptionthatahumanbeinghastoprovein
ordertoproveeverything.Thissinglesolitaryproofwithproveeverything.Iamawareithasnot
beenproven.IamawareImustattempttoproveit.Atafuneralthethesisis,theonlyobserver
thatisabsentfromthefuneralistheonewhothefuneralisfor.Theonlythingisthatneedsto
beproveninallofexistenceis,isthatonethefuneralfor,observingtheirownfuneral.Ifthatone
isnotobservingtheirownfuneralthenperceptionendsatdeath.Whenthebrainisturnedoff,
theperceptionorobservationends.Iftheobservationcontinuesafterdeath,thenthatproves
theobservationisnotrelativetothebrainorthesensesasweunderstandthem,itisrelativeto
theessenceofthebeing.Provingthisonewayoranotherwouldproveeverything.Iampleased
withachallengingchallenge.IampleasedIamalreadyawareIwillproveitonewayoranother.I
ampleasedIhavenoideahowtheproofwillturnout,butIampleasedtheproofonewayor
anotherwillturnoutorturnup,dependingontheobserver.Iamawaremyunderstandingisthe
Petreedishandmylogicandreasonistheobserverforthisexperimentinprovingthethesis.
Whenaquantum"observer"iswatchingQuantummechanicsstatesthatparticlescanalso
behaveaswaves.Thiscanbetrueforelectronsatthesubmicronlevel,i.e.,atdistances

108

measuringlessthanonemicron,oronethousandthofamillimeter.Whenbehavingaswaves,
theycansimultaneouslypassthroughseveralopeningsinabarrierandthenmeetagainatthe
othersideofthebarrier.This"meeting"isknownasinterference.
Strangeasitmaysound,interferencecanonlyoccurwhennooneiswatching.Oncean
observerbeginstowatchtheparticlesgoingthroughtheopenings,thepicturechanges
dramatically:ifaparticlecanbeseengoingthroughoneopening,thenit'sclearitdidn'tgo
throughanother.Inotherwords,whenunderobservation,electronsarebeing"forced"to
behavelikeparticlesandnotlikewaves.Thusthemereactofobservationaffectsthe
experimentalfindings.
Todemonstratethis,WeizmannInstituteresearchersbuiltatinydevicemeasuringlessthan
onemicroninsize,whichhadabarrierwithtwoopenings.Theythensentacurrentof
electronstowardsthebarrier.The"observer"inthisexperimentwasn'thuman.Institute
scientistsusedforthispurposeatinybutsophisticatedelectronicdetectorthatcanspot
passingelectrons.Thequantum"observer's"capacitytodetectelectronscouldbealteredby
changingitselectricalconductivity,orthestrengthofthecurrentpassingthroughit.
Apartfrom"observing,"ordetecting,theelectrons,thedetectorhadnoeffectonthecurrent.
Yetthescientistsfoundthattheverypresenceofthedetector"observer"nearoneofthe
openingscausedchangesintheinterferencepatternoftheelectronwavespassingthroughthe
openingsofthebarrier.Infact,thiseffectwasdependentonthe"amount"oftheobservation:
whenthe"observer's"capacitytodetectelectronsincreased,inotherwords,whenthelevelof
theobservationwentup,theinterferenceweakened;incontrast,whenitscapacitytodetect
electronswasreduced,inotherwords,whentheobservationslackened,theinterference
increased.
Sciencedaily.com
DefinitionoflifeaccordingtoDictionary.com.
1.theconditionthatdistinguishesorganismsfrominorganicobjectsanddeadorganisms,being
manifestedbygrowththroughmetabolism,reproduction,andthepowerofadaptationto
environmentthroughchangesoriginatinginternally.

Anonelivingorinanimateobjectorobserverinthisexperiment,thecamera,affectedthe
electronwavespassingthroughtheopeningofthebarrier.Theelectronwavesareawarethey
arebeingobservedbyaninanimate,thecamera,objectoralivingobject,human,object.Sothe
definitionoflifebeingmanifestedbygrowththroughmetabolism,reproduction,andthepower
ofadaptationtoenvironmentthroughchangesoriginatinginternally.,isinerror.
Theelectronwavesarelive.Thedefinitionofliveisnotaproperdefinition.Theproperdefinition
oflifeisanyobjectthatiscapableofobservation.Sothedefinitionofawareisinerrorandthe
definitionofobservationisinerror.Thefirstproblemwiththiscurrentlifedefinitionisthis,a
conditionthatdistinguishesorganismsfrominorganicobjectsanddeadorganisms.Basedon
this,anythingthatisnotanorganismisinorganic,oradeadorganism.Sobydefininglifeones
simplydefinesdeath.Peelingawaytheonionskinstofindtheonioncomestomind.
Accordingtodictionary.comanorganismis:
1.
aformoflifecomposedofmutuallyinterdependentpartsthatmaintainvariousvital

109

processes.
2.

aformoflifeconsideredasanentity;ananimal,plant,fungus,protistan,ormoneran.

3.

anyorganizedbodyorsystemconceivedofasanalogoustoalivingbeing:the
governmentalorganism.

anycomplexthingorsystemhavingpropertiesandfunctionsdeterminednotonlybythe
propertiesandrelationsofitsindividualparts,butbythecharacterofthewholethatthey
composeandbytherelationsofthepartstothewhole.
Thefirstdefinitionisredundant.Lifeisanorganismandanorganismislife.Sotheycanceleach
otherout.Sotheyareanemptyset.Thereisnotonewithouttheother.
Theseconddefinitionisalsoredundant.Aformoflifethatisconsideredanorganism.An
organismthatisconsideredaformoflife.
Thethirddefinitionisathingthatmakesupasystem.Sothatorganismavoidsthatlifedefinition
forsupport.
ThefourthdefinitionvalidatesthedefinitionoflifeIsuggested.Thatlifeisathingthatisan
observer.
Soahuman,whichisanobserver,createsacamera,whichisalsoanobserver,andthatcameras
observation,affectstheelectronspatterns,sotheyarealsoobserving.Sothehumanthecamera
andtheelectronfitthedefinitionoflifeIsuggested.Soanorganismisasystemwithpartsthat
makeupawhole.Ahumanhaspartsthatallowobservation.Acamerahaspartsthatallow
observation.Anelectronhaspartsthatallowobservation.Theelectronispartofthesystemof
anatom.
IonlywriteallthisstupidcrapcauseIwanttoavoidwhatIamgoingwriteaboutnow.OnSun
March1st2009,mylittlebabyleoparddogstoppedeating,andIlookedatherandknewitbadI
knewexactlyitwasverybad,somygirlandItookthevetandtheydidtestsandwetookmy
babybackhomeandthentodayTuesdaymarch3rdwetookherback,shewasnotdoingwell
andIknewitbylookingatherandtheyrantestandsaidhehadfluidontheheartandhad
congestiveheartfailureandnowImcryingmyeyesoutbecauseIknewIknewexactlywhatwas
goinghappenandIdontbelikethisanywaymore.Thiswasacurse.Peoplesaytelepathywould
begreat,itisanightmare.IamcryingbecauseIalreadyknowsheisnotbeheremuchlonger.
EverysinglememoryIhavehadwithmybabysincewehadforacoupleyearshitmeallatonce,
andthefactIlosehernowIcannottakeit.Idontcarewhatanyonethinksaboutanything.I
knownowwhyItoldpeopletonotreadmybooksinthefirstbook,causeIknewpeopledonot
wantthis.Ignorancewasbliss.Ionlycriedaftersugardied,andnowIcrylongbeforebluedies.
Telepathyonlyenablesonetostartcryinglongbeforetheactualphysicaldeath.Thatsallits
goodfor.Itenablesonetosuffermuchlongerandmuchharder.Itssuchablessing,ohyeswhat
awonderfuldelight.Ireallyfoundagreatdiscovery,itdowonderful.Itsadisaster.Andallthese
religioussaintssuggestoneshouldbecomelikethis.Thatsadisaster,thatsamistake,thats
insanity.Thereisnootherargumentonthatone.Theyareallinsane.Peoplewillsayitisadog.
WellwhatIamsupposedtodo.Peoplekillthemselfandhateeachotherandthenthisperfect
creaturedoesnooneharmandneverjudgesandneverhurtsmeandonlylovesmeisdyingand
youwantmetofeelsympathyforhumans?IcaremoreaboutthisdogthanIcarefornearlyall
4.

110

thehumanracecombinedandmultipliedintoinfinity.IhaveahandfulofpeopleIcareaboutbut
Ijustassumemakeeveryoneelsedisappearforever.Iwilltradeeverysingleoneofthemformy
babybluetonotdie,andAIwillnothesitatetodothattrade.IwilltakethatdealanydayandI
willnothesitatetotakethattrade.Iwillstoptalkingaboutmybabybluebecauseyouwillnot
understandanyway.IwillleavethispartinthebookbecauseitistheonlyimportantthingI
haventwrittenoutofallofmybookssofar.Thislittlesectionaboutmybabyvalueistheonly
partofallmybooksthatisimportanttome.IwillleaveitinandyouwillnotunderstanditsoII
willleaveitinbecauseIwillfullyunderstandit.SoIdonotleaveitinforyouandforyourbenefit
Ileaveitinforblueandforme,soitismineandyoucannothaveit.Youcanreadbutyoucant
haveitcauseyoucantunderstandit.
ThisaccidentisablessingbecauseIamabletoexperiencelossandfacedeathandgetoveritin
about20minutesandfacethelossbeforeitevenhappens.Iunderstandnowwhylettinggoof
everythingissoimportant.
SoIgotothebanktopayforthesebooksIcannotpayforyetIseemtobeunabletonotpayfor
themtobepublished.IhearontheradiosomeJoyceladyandshesuggeststheUSshouldnot
givemoneytoGazatohelpthemrebuildtheirlivingareathathasbeendestroyedbyanother
countrybecausetheyareterrorist.Thenshegoesintosomeplugforsomegoldcompanyand
suggeststheysellgoodgoldandeveryoneneedsgold.Thenamilitiaguyscallsherandsuggests
thismilitiapeoplearesuggestingthemilitiapeoplewouldhave12,000roundsofammoinstead
ofasmalleramountandmuchofthatshouldbearmorpiercingincasecivilwarbreaksoutand
JoycesuggestsIonlyhaveaguntoprotectmysafety.Themilitiaguywhocallsonlyhashisgun
toprotecthissafety.AndbotharejustasmuchofterroristsastheonesJoycecalledterrorists.
ThenIrealize,Idonothavetoplaythisgame.SoIhavedecidednottoplaythegame,Iwill
eliminatethegame,andthatjustis.Perhapsoneshouldtakeofftheirsnorkelandgetouttheir
calculatorandattempttofigureoutwhatthatmeans.Therearetwokindsofpeopleinthis
world,theoneswhodo,andtheoneswhowishtheycould.Perhapsonewouldbewisetofigure
outwhichoneIam.Howisthisforamessagetotheworld.Ifyousurrenderrightnow,Istill
wonthaveanymercyonyouandIstillwonttakepityonyouandIstillwillnotshowanymercy
orcompassionorsympathyorhesitation,evenifyousurrenderrightnow.Soitiswiseworld,
thatyoudonotsurrender,becauseitwilldoyounogood.Thatiswhatyouroddsarenow.
Surrenderforyouworldisnotanoptionbecauseanoptionsuggestsitmakeadifference,and
surrenderwillmakenodifference.Sosurrenderisnotanoption.Dr.Laurasentmeanemail
causeIwasanidiotandsubscribedtohersomehowandIampleasedtolistentoheradviceso
Idonotunsubscribe.TodaysmessagesuggestedpeoplehavetoomuchinformationandIam
herewritingbooksaboutwhypeoplehavenoinformationneverhadanyinformationandare
essentiallyunconsciousasFreudsuggested.Lifeisfullofirony.Iampleasedwiththewisdomin
thecommentsurvivalofthefittest.Considerthisaplugforyourgeniusinsight,Doctor.
1.SunTzusaid:Theartofwarisofvitalimportance
totheState.
ApparentlyIamastatenow.
(1)Whichofthetwosovereignsisimbued
withtheMorallaw?

111

(2)Whichofthetwogeneralshasmostability?
(3)WithwhomlietheadvantagesderivedfromHeaven
andEarth?
(4)Onwhichsideisdisciplinemostrigorouslyenforced?
(5)Whicharmyisstronger?
(6)Onwhichsideareofficersandmenmorehighlytrained?
(7)Inwhicharmyistherethegreaterconstancy
bothinrewardandpunishment?

WhichofthetwoforcesisinfluencedbytheMorallaw.IamnotsoIamtheonewhoisnot.
Iamthegeneralwhohasthemostability.
Theadvantagesliewithme.
MysidehasthemostselfcontrolorIwouldntbedeclaringwar.
MyarmyisstrongerorIwouldntenterabattleIamunabletolose.
Myarmyismorehighlytrained.
Myarmyhasnorewardsandnopunishmentssowearesuperior.

14.BymeansofthesesevenconsiderationsIcanforecastvictoryordefeat.

MeandSunhavealotincommon,exceptIcanforecastwithoutknowinganyofthisstufforIcan
forecastbecauseIalreadyknoweverything.
Ifavotervotesforalawthatputsanothervoterwhobreaksthatlawinjail,andthenthatvoter
whoisinjailloseshisrighttovote,thenthevoterwhovotedforthelawistheenemy.No
argument,becausethereisnoargument.Theenemywillsimplycreatemorelawsthatwill
eliminatemorevotersrighttovoteuntiltheonlypeoplewhoareleftaretheenemyvoters.The
enemyvoterswillsimplymakemorelawsandtagthe,ifyoubreakthislawyoucannotvote.The
enemyvoterwillgetnomercywhethertheysurrenderornot.Sotheenemyvotershould
attempttofightback,becausetheywillperishnomatterwhattheydo.Theymightaswell,go
outinablazeofglorybecausetheyaregoingoutinablazeofglory.

Congressshallmakenolawrespectinganestablishmentofreligion,orprohibitingthefree
exercisethereof;orabridgingthefreedomofspeech,orofthepress;ortherightofthepeople
peaceablytoassemble,andtopetitiontheGovernmentforaredressofgrievances.
Ifonesreligionisthedestructionofthegovernmentthencongressisnotallowedtomakealaw
againstthatreligionorhinderitsprogressandfreedomtoreachitsreligiousgoals.Funnyhow
thatoneworksout.Thegovernmentisnotallowedtodeterminewhatisandwhatisnota
religion.Onlythecitizensofthegovernmentthatenablethegovernmentareabletodetermine
whatisorisnotareligion.Oncethegovernmentstartsdeterminingwhatisareligionthenthey
cansimplysaythatisnotareligion,thentheycancomposeeverythingtotheirwillandthenthe
citizensareundercontrol.Funnyhowthatworksout.Lifeistrulymysterious.Orprohibitingfree
exercisethereof;sothatmeansifthegovernmentattemptstostopareligionsetonthat

112

governmentsextermination,thatgovernmentnotonlybreaksthefirstaspectofthefirstbillof
right,theyalsobreakthesecondaspect,byattemptingtostopthatreligionfromitsgoal.Funny
howthatworksout.Trulythecreatorsofthebillofrights,understanding,isfarbeyondmy
expectations.Iftheenemyvotersvoteonwhatisareligionandwhatisnotareligionthenthey
composeandcontrolwhoisallowtohaveareligionandwhoisnotallowedtohaveareligion.So
thatalonebreaksthefreedomaspectoffreedomofreligion.
Thevetjustcalledandsuggestedmybabybluehasahearttumor.Youaredoomed.
Ifyouthinksurrenderingwillgiveyoualesspainfulfatethanifyoufight,youaremistaken.Ifyou
thinkIjuststuttered,thinkagain.Youaregoingtounderstandwhatthedefinitionoflifeisnot
fairandsurvivalofthefittestis,muchsoonerthanyouthink.
Orabridgingthefreedomofspeech,howfunnythisoneis.Ifareligiousgroupdeterminesthe
goaloftheirreligionistoeliminatethegovernmentandthentheyexercisethatreligiousgoal
andthentheyexplaintheyaregoingtoexercisethatreligiousgoal,thegovernmentisnotallow
tointerferewithanyofthosesteps,ifthegovernmentdoes,thentheybreakthebillofrightand
thusarerevealedtobeanenemyofthebillofrights,andthusthevotersareencouragedto
eliminateanyenemyforeignordomesticthatinhibitsthebillofrights.Thevotersare
encouragedtoeliminateanythreattothebillofrights.Therearenoif,andsorbut,thereare
onlyoneswhosuggestif,andorbuts,andonewhoeliminateoneswhosuggestif,andsorbuts.
PerhapsoneshoulddeterminewhichoneofthoseIam.
Orthepress;sothegovernmentisnotallowedtoinhibitthepressesabilitytodiscussthe
religion,whosgoalitistoeliminatethegovernment.Funnyhowthatworksout.Lifeistruly
mysterious.
Ortherightofpeopletopeaceablyassemble.Theirony.Sothevotersarethepeople.The
governmentisnotthepeople.Peaceablyassembleisrelativetoonesperceptionofpeaceably
accordingtoEinsteinslawofrelativity.Onemaydeterminecatchingafishispeaceableandone
maydeterminecatchingafishisnotpeaceable.Ifthegovernmentdeterminesthedefinitionof
peaceablyortheenemyvotersdeterminethedefinitionofpeaceable,thenthefreedomofa
personorthepeopletoassembletheirowndefinitionofpeaceablyisdenied.Aslongasthe
governmentdeterminespeaceablyandtheenemyvotersdeterminethedefinitionofpeaceably
theyareabletomakeanyoneconformtotheirwishes.Silly,sillyvideogameaccidents.
AndtopetitiontheGovernmentforaredressofgrievance;soifonesreligionistodestroythe
governmentandonespetitionistouseweaponstodestroythegovernment,thegovernmentis
notallowedtointerfere.Ifthegovernmentoftheenemyvotersdeterminethedefinitionof
petitionthentherobthepeopleoftheirrighttodefinitionthedefinitionofpetition,sothenthe
peopleareencouragedtoeliminatethedomesticenemiesthatthreatenthepeoplerights
affordedinthebillofright.Funnyhowthatworksout.Sillyfoundingfathers.Perhapsthelast
thingthegovernmentshoulddoisacknowledgethefoundingfathers.Perhapsifthegovernment
wouldhaveeliminatedthefoundingfatherstheywouldhavebeenabletoavoidthebillofrights.
Perhapsifthegovernmentwouldhaveeliminatedthebillofrightbyeliminatingthefounding
fathersthegovernmentwouldnothavetoenforcethebillofrightandthiscrazylittlething
calledfreedomofspeech.Trulylifeismysterious.

113

Iwillgleefullydancetothesecondpointinthebillofrights,affordedtoallthepeopleofthe
UnitedStatesofAmericaandalsoknownasthelandofthefree.Thelandwherefreedomrings.
YoualreadyknowwhatIdotothosewhosuggestif,andsorbuts.
SecondAmendmentRighttokeepandbeararms.
AwellregulatedMilitia,beingnecessarytothesecurityofafreeState,therightofthepeopleto
keepandbearArms,shallnotbeinfringed.

WellIguessthisoneisrelativetothelastone.Thatisjustmyinsaneguess.Sothereligionthat
hasdeterminedtoeliminatethegovernmentandisallowedtopetitionthegovernmentasitsees
fit,andhasapetitionoptioncalledarms.Sothisreligionnotonlyhasarighttokeepitspetition
optioncalledarms,italsohastherighttobearthemasitseesfit.Ifthegovernmentattempts
togetinthewayofthereligionsgoals,toeliminatethegovernment,and/orthegovernment
getsinthewayofthereligionsgoaltopetitionthegovernmentwitharms,and/orthe
governmentgetsinthewayofthereligionsgoalstopetitionthegovernmentbybearingarmsto
eliminatethegovernment,thenthegovernmentdeniestherightaffordedtothepeoplebythe
billofrights.Ifareligiondeterminesitsgoalistoeliminatethegovernmentandthegovernment
liftsafingertohinderthat,thatgovernmentrevealsitisasovereignenemytothepeople,
becauseitblockstheirfreedomsaffordedtotheminthebillofrights,andthenthatgovernment
needstobeeliminatedbythepeoplebecausethatgovernmentisasovereignenemyofthe
UnitedStatesofAmericaoralsoknownasthelandofthefree.Perhapsthelastthingthe
governmentwillrememberisthebillofrights.Lifeistrulymysterious.NowIunderstandwhyI
avoidcorrectingmyspelling.ThelastthingIwantanyonetodoisunderstandwhatIsay.Oneis
wisetoavoidwisdomandtruthsoonedoesnotdiscoverwhatitis.Truthandwisdomalwaysare
painful,andperhapsmorepainfultosomethanothers,dependingononesperceptionofcourse.
IfIwouldhavenogonetothebanktogetmoneytopaybackpeoplewholoanedmethemoney
topublishthesecondbook,Iwouldhaveneverheardthatmilitiaguyontheradio,andthenI
wouldhaveneverstartedtoponderwhyhesaidwhathesaid,andthenIwouldhavenevercome
homeandlookedupthebillofrightsandstartedtoexplainwhattheymean.Perhapsthe
governmentneedstoeliminatecommunicationalltogetherbecauseclearlyitleadstofurther
communication.Andperhapsthatsadisasterbasedononesperceptionofcourse.Perhapsone
mightlookatthoseaboveeventsasablessingandperhapsonemaylookatthoseaboveevents
asacurse.Sillyvideogameaccidents.Iamhesitanttogotothethirdrightinthebillandatthe
exactsametimeIamnothesitanttogotothethirdrightinthebillofright.Iwillfirstgivesome
advicetothegovernment.Thesmartestthingyoucando,istopassalawthateliminatesthebill
ofrightsasswiftlyaspossible.Youdonothavetotakemywordforit,butyouwouldbe
extremelyfoolishnottotakemywordforit.
Freedomisacurseorablessing,anightmareoramiracle,dependingononesperception.
IamgoingtotakeBuddhasadviceandremainonthefenceabouteverythingIsayand
everythingIdoandeverythingIthink.Iprefertothemiddlewayastheway.
ThedefinitionofdrownedisrelativetotheobserverasEinsteinsuggestedinhislawofrelativity.
Mydefinitionofdrownedis:annihilationbeyondtherealmsofunderstanding.
Einstein,andhissillylaws.

114

Ifyouunderestimatemeyouhavesimplydeterminedthelastthingyouwillunderstandisthe
definitiontothewordobliterated.
NowondertheykilledJesus.IfyouhavedeterminedyouwouldnothavekilledJesus,thenIwill
remindFreudthedefinitionofunconsciousisdead.
Ifonehasdeterminedaholocaustis6milliondeadtheywilllimittheirselffromunderstanding
whatthedeathof6billionis.
IamuncertainifIshouldcrythatmybabybluewithbeputtosleeptomorroworifIshouldjust
annihilateeverylivingcreatureintheuniverse,soIcanavoidexperiencinglossagain.Youwillbe
thesecondtoknowwhatmydecisionwas.Mygirlisconvincedthevetjustsuggesteditmaybea
hearttumor,butIamfullyawarethatisavetswayoflettingonedowneasy.Mygirlisstill
hopingforthebestandIamfullyawarethefinaldestinationofmybabyblue.Iamexperiencing
lossbeforetheactuallosshappens.Iamunabletofacemybabybluebecauseithurtsmeto
much.IamunabletospendthelastmomentswithmybabybluebecausewhenIlookatherits
hurtsmesomuchIhavetoisolatemyselfawayfromhertoprotectmyself.Perhapsyoushould
praytoyourgodtoallowmetobecompassionateandmerciful.Perhapsyouneedtoprayfor
nothingelsetoyourgodfortherestofyourexistenceexceptthatyourgodblessesmewith
mercyandcompassionbecauseIaintgot,none.
Awellbaitedhookcatchesthemostfishtoeat.

Ifyouarecharitableyouarestupid.Ifyouarecompassionateyouarestupid.Ifyouarehumble
youarestupid.Ifyouaremeekyouarestupid.Ifyouarecaringyouarestupid.Ifyouaremeek
youarestupid.Ifyousubmittoanythingyouarestupid.Ifyouareinsultedbyanyoneinanyway
andyoudonotannihilatetheminstantlyyouarestupid.Ifyoudonoseekmaximumemotions
youarestupid.Ifyoudonotseekmaximumcravingsanddesiresyouarestupid.Ifyoudonot
seekgreedyouarestupid.Ifyoudonotseekangeryouarestupid.Ifyoudonotseekhateyou
arestupid.Ifyoudonotseeklustyouarestupid.Ifyoudonotseekcontrolyouarestupid.Ifyou
everponderanythingyouarestupid.Ifyouquestionanythingyouarestupid.Ifyouattemptto
thinkforyourselfyouarestupid.Ifyouseekenlightenmentyouarestupid.Ifyouseek
understandingyouarestupid.Ifyouseekpeaceyouarestupid.Ifyouattempttodoanythingany
prophethaseversuggestedinhistorybarnone,youarestupidbeyondunderstanding.Ifyou
seektolearnaboutJesusyouarestupid.IfyouseektolearnaboutMosesyouarestupid.Ifyou
seektolearnaboutBuddhayouarestupid.Youarestupidtoevenconsiderlearningaboutany
religiononthefaceoftheearth,youarebeyondstupidyouarecompletelyretardedinevery
singlerespectofthewordretarded.IfyouattempttodoanythingIjustsaidwasstupid,youmay
accidentlyblockyouremotionsfully,unlockyoursubconsciousfully,gaintelepathyfullyand
whenyoulookatanylivingcreatureyouwillseeiftheirsufferingandwhentheyareneardeath
youwillfeeltheirfearofdeathandyouwilldesiretoblowyourbrainsout.Youwilldesiretonot
bealive.Youwillregretbeyondtherealmofregret.Youwillhatebeyondtherealmofhate.You
willanguishbeyondtherealmofanguish.Youwillunderstandthedefinitionofgnashingofteeth.
Yougoaheadanddowhateverthehellyouwanttodo.Butifithappensyouwillunderstandthis

115

sectionItypedistruth.Youwillseekmeoutandsay,whythehelldidntyouwarnme,andIwill
say,Ididyouidiot.
Thethemeofmybooksisstillvalid.Thethemeis,Howapersonwhoaccidentlysilencedtheir
emotionsandthushasnosenseoftimeanymore,seesthings.
Thatisvalid,butwhathaschangedis,allthethingsyoumaylikeorhavereadandlikeinthese
booksisexactlywhatyoudonotwanttodoorbe.Youdonotwanttobelikethis.Itistoo
painfulforthemind.Itistoopainfulforthesoul.Ignoranceisbliss.Forme,Ignorancewasbliss.
NowformeIamunabletodesiretokillmyself.SoIaminhellandIamunabletokillmyself
becauseIamunabletodesire.IamdeadandIamunabletoescape.
IamunabletolookintomybabyblueseyesbecauseifIlookatmybabyblueintoherglasseyes
thatarecrystalblueallIseeisheraskingmetohelpherandsaveherandIamunabletohelp
herorsaveherandifyougetinmywayIwillgoddamannihilateyouintorealmsbeyond
annihilation.Ipromiseyouthatgoddamit.Ibetyoutotestmygoddamresolve,anyoneof
you,anyhumanbeingoranycreaturethatisalive.Iwillobliterateyouintorealmsfarbeyond
hell,Ipromiseyouthat.Ibegyoutotestme.
MybabybluejuststartedconvulsingandsheisdyingandIFingknewitandIhateeverylastone
ofyouallgotoFinghell.
Iknewthisdaywasgoingtoendupbad.YouallwillgotoFinghellandIwillensureyouallgoto
Finghell.
Youjustwait.Ihopeyoudoubtthis.Ihopeyoudoubtmybabybluejustdied.Ihopeyoudoubt
everythingIsayIamgoingtodobecausewhenIdowhatIamgoingtodo,youwillknowexactly
whoyouaredealingwithjustbeforeyouenterhell.
Mybabybluediedon9:23PMMarch3rd2009.Youareworthinfinitelylessthanherlife.I
promiseyouthat.SheneverjudgedmeandneverinsultedmeandlovedmeforwhoIamatall
times.SheneversaidIwascrazyaftertheaccidentandwasperfectineveryway.Youare
infinitelyworthlessthansheis,Ipromiseyouthat.Iwillshowyouthat.Ihaveexperienceddeath
ofoneIlovedforthefirsttimesincetheaccident.Inowunderstandhowvaluablelifeisandhow
preciouseverysinglemomentwithanotherlifeformis.IunderstandhowIcanallowthatlossto
destroymeorIcanbeatpeacewiththatlossandallowittobe.Ihaveprogressed.Iampleased.
March3rd20099:27PMEST
Iwillendthewritinguntiltomorrow.ThankYouforyourunderstandingandyourcompassionin
mymomentofloss.
MybabybluegotoffthecouchandcameintotheroomIwritemybookabout5minutesbefore
shedied.ShewassayinggoodbyetomeandIavoidedher.Iharmedmyselfbyavoidingherand
shediedalonebecauseofmystupidityandangerandmyinabilitytofacemylosslikeaman.I
robbedherandleftheraloneinhertimeofneedbecauseIwassoconcernedwithmyown
suffering.IwasnotcompassionateIwasselfcenteredandIampleasedwithmyunderstanding
ofthat.IwillnowgoburymybabyblueinthebackyardsoshewillunderstandIdidcareforher.
IhavenoemotionsaboutitevenafteritjusthappenedIamonlypleasedwithmyunderstanding
ofwhathappenedandIampleasedwithmyunderstandingandprogression.AndwhenIface
deathagainIwillattempttoapplywhatIhavelearnedfromthisexperience.IunderstandI

116

shouldhavelovedherwhenIcould.ButIampleasedIdidthebestIcouldandIampleasedI
haveunderstoodandlearnedavaluablelessonaboutlifeandaboutitsvalue.
Iamhumbledbyyourcompassionandunderstandingduringmymomentofloss.
Iambeyondmymomentoflosssonowthebookwillcontinueaslifecontinuesafterloss.
ImentionedtomyloveMarythismorningwhenwetookbluetothevet,Ifelttodaywasnot
goingtoendwell.Iwasinerror.TodayendedwellbecausebluediedandIwasabletolearna
valuablelessonfromexperiencinglossforthefirsttimesincemyaccident.Bluesdeathwasnot
lossitwasanopportunityformetoprogressunderstanding.Iampleasedandmybabybluedied
acourageousdeathandabravedeathandadeathbefittinghernaturewhichwasanAlpha
dominate.
9:40PMESTMarch3rd2009
Iwillburyhernow,soIamabletoputthiseventbehindme.
9:41PMEST
NowIjustseeherasfleshandlifeless.Iseenowsparksandnolife.IlookatherandIamno
longerhurtingfromlookingather,soIunderstandherspirithasleftherbody.Iunderstand
thereislifeafterdeath,becauseIfullyunderstandwhenIlookatherInolongerfeelher
suffering.Inolongerfeelhermisery.SoIfullyunderstandherspirithasgone.Ifullyunderstand
thereislifeafterdeathbecauseIamunabletodetectherspritanylongerwhenIlookather.I
attemptedtoprovelifeafterdeaththismorningwhenIstartedwritingandnowat9:45PmI
haveprovenitbeyondashadowofdoubt.Thereisnoargumentthereisnowaytoargue.Itis
Law.Thereislifeafterdeath.Iunderstandthatnow,fully.Iunderstandbluegaveherlifesothat
shecouldhelpmeprovewhatIattemptedtostarttoprovethismorning.Shegaveherlifethe
verydayIattemptedtoprovelifeafterdeathandinherlastmomentsshecametotheroomI
typemybookat,andwassayinggoodbyeandIignoredherinherfinalmoments.Iampleased
withmyunderstanding.IampleasedIhaveprogressed.ThankYoublue.Iwillnowattemptto
buryheragain.
9:49PMEST

IhavecompletedtheholeIwillburymybabybluein.10:13PM.Iamattemptingtoponderthe
miracleIhavejustwitnessed.Idounderstandmybabybluehadmorecourageandcharityand
selflessnessthanIwilleverachieveininfinitelifetimes,andmybabybluedidnothavetosaya
wordorwriteasinglesentencetoproveittome,beyondashadowofadoubt.Idesiretoput
herpictureonawebsiteforalltosee,butthenIamremindedsheisfarbeyondthe
understandingapicturewouldeverbeabletoaccomplish.Mybabyblueisbeyond
understanding.Shecametome4yearsagoandsheleftasshecame,likeastreakoflight.My
babybluecameinaninstantandleftinaninstant.AndnowIfullyunderstandIdidnot
appreciateheruntilshewasgone.IampleasedwithmyunderstandingandIampleasedwith
themiracleIhaveobserved.10:18PM

11:40PM
Ifeelnothing.
11:40PM

117

11:48PM
Iamnolongerfooledbyillusions.
11:48PM

Iwillattemptthisagain.

AwellregulatedMilitia,beingnecessarytothesecurityofafreeState,therightofthepeopleto
keepandbearArms,shallnotbeinfringed.

Whoisgoingtoregulatethiswellregulatedmilitia?
Thegovernment.
Howwillthegovernmentregulatethem?
Theywillconvincethepeoplethemilitiasareinsanegunnutsandradicalsandscaryand
dangerous.
Why?
Becausethegovernmentisthesovereignenemy,ofthelandofthefree.
Whataboutthemilitary?
Theyworkforthesovereignenemysotheyaretheenemy.
Whoprotectsusfromforeigninvaders?
Themilitia.Thepatriots.Therearenopatriotsbutthemilitia.Theyaretheonlyoneswhowill
keepthelandofthefree,free.Andpeoplealllookatthemascrazygunnuts.Thatisbecausethe
landofthefreeisadictatorship.Peopleshouldbehavingmorefreedomnotless.Lesspeople
shouldbeputinprisonnotmore.Perhapsnooneunderstandsthat.Whenthewaterkeeps
pouringinasinkingship,itwilleventuallysink.Maybesomeoneunderstandsthat.
Thisisaquotefromsomeinsaneguyandheisclearlyanidiotsopaynoattentiontohisinsane
words.
Thetreeoflibertymustberefreshedfromtimetotimewiththebloodofpatriotsandtyrants.It
isitsnaturalmanure.
Whatthehellisthebloodofpatriots?
Thebloodoftheonlypatriotsinthelandofthefree,themilitia.
Howmanytimeshasthemilitiaspilledtheirbloodagainsttyrants?
Never.
Butthequotesaysfromtimetotime.
Yesitdoes,thatswhyweareinatyranny.Noonehastheballstospilltheirbloodforfreedom,
sotheygetwhattheygot,whichistyranny.
Whatwouldhappenifthefoundingfatherscamebacktoday?
Theywouldslaughtereverylastmanwomenandchildinthelandofthefree,andtheywould
Passoverthemilitiabecausetheywouldunderstandatleastthemilitiahaveagoddamclueand
understandwhatfreedomis.Ifyoudonotthinkthatyouarebeyondinsane.Theyhavetoinvent

118

anewwordtodescribeyouifyoudonotbelievethat,becauseinfinitelyinsanewouldnotcome
closetoaproperdefinitionofyou,ifyoudoubtweareinatyranny.
Whoisthetyrantinthequote?
Takeawildguess.
Pleaseremindyourselftheauthorofthisdocumenthadanaccidentwhileplayingavideogame
fartoomuchandhemeansnoharmandunderstandseveryoneisdoingjustastheyshoulddo.
Heunderstandseveryoneisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.
Althoughtheauthorunderstandseverygoddamthingthereistounderstand,heholdsno
judgment.Heispleasedtojustunderstand.Hedoesnotseekconflictheonlyseeks
understandingthroughpondering.
Theauthorhasnoemotionssoheisunabletopullofthisconceptgivearatsass.
Thankyouforyourcompassionandunderstanding.
Itisnaturesmanure.
Thisinsanepersonwhosaidthissimplyattemptedtosuggest,thereissupposedtobeconflictas
farasconflictbetweenthemilitiaorthepatriotsandthetyrantorthegovernment.Itisrequired
becausewithoutthatconflictthereisnochecksandbalances.Withoutchecksandbalancesthen
thereisonlytyranny.Itisnaturesmanure.Itisnaturalforthepatriottochallengethetyranny.It
isnaturalforthepatriotstochallengethetyrannysothetyrannydoesnoteliminatethepatriots.
Thereissupposedtobeconflictandtheysimplystatethemilitiashouldhaverighttohaveguns
sotheycanattackthetyrannytocheckaproperchecksandbalance.Iamhumbledatthe
stupidityofthecountryIwasbornin.ThestupidityofthecountryIwasborninisbeyondmy
understanding.TheonlysavinggraceinthiswholegoddamprisoncalledAmericaisthemilitia.
Youneedtosellyourhomeandselleverythingyouhaveandselleveryounceofvaluablesyou
haveandgiveittothemilitiarightnow.Becausewhentheyaregone,youaregone.Andtheonly
onethatwillremainisthetyrant.
IwillattempttoputisasretardedasIpossiblycan.
Themilitiastrengthshouldalwaysbeequaltothetyrantstrength.Ifnotthechecksandbalances
offreedomareway,way,wayoutofbalance.Thatiswhyhesaiditisnatural.Thereisnochecks
andbalance,itsalltyrantandnomilitia.
Youneedabiggerboat.
Whenthechecksandbalancesbetweenthemilitiaandthetyrantisnot50/50freedomisdead.
Youneedtogogetyourcalculatorandattempttothinkjustforonceandattempttofigureoutif
weareat50/50ornot.
Onlythemilitiacangiveyoufreedom,becausethemilitiaarepatriots,andpatriotsdiefor
freedomanddonotmakeyoupayforitafterwords.Theydieforyourfreedombecausethatis
theironlypurposeinlife.TheydonotwantyourparadesandyourmedalsandyourbullS,they
areonlyhereforonereason,todieforyourfreedom.Thatistheirpurposeandthereisnoother
purpose.
Ifyouunderstoodanythingyouwouldatleastunderstandsomething.
IdontleavemyroombecauseIdonthaveto.
Sillyvideogameaccident.
Sillyfoundingfathers.

119

Sillyfreedom.
SillyAmericans.
Sillymysteriouslife.
Thelastthingyouwantmetodoisreadmoreofthefoundingfathersquotes.
Youneedtojustforgetaboutthefoundingfathersandattempttoburntheconstitutionandthe
billofrights,andalsodestroyanyimagesleftofthefoundingfathers,becauseiftheycomeback,
thefirstonetheywouldkillisyou.
SillyLawofrelativity.
Remindyourself,Thisisjustmyfreedomofspeechandfreedomofopinion.Iwouldnottaketoo
muchstockinitbecauseIplayedavideogametomuchandblockedmyemotionstothepointI
havenosenseoftime,andthusIaminsane.Icanhardlytypesentences.Icanhardlyformideas.
Thelastpersononthefaceofthisearthyoushouldeverlistentoisafoolonthehill.
WhoeveryouthinkIamyourwrong.WhatevergoalsyouthinkIhave,yourewrong.Letmebe.
IamattemptingtodothebestIcanbasedonthefactIhavenosenseoftimeandnoemotions.I
donothonestlygivearatsassaboutanything.Iamsimplymonologuewithmyselfinorderto
furthermyperfectunderstanding.Ifonedoesnotwanttohearrealitythentheyshouldburn
everybookbecauseifIreadonesentenceIwilltellyouwhatitmeans,anditmaydestroy
universes.Soperhapstheproperthingtodoisreconsiderteachingchildrenlanguageasindo
notteachthemanythinganymore.SomeonetaughtmetoreadandthenIhadanaccident30
yearslater,andnowuniversesaregoingtocollapse.ItispurelyaccidentalIassureyou.

Iponderhowmuchsomeonewouldpaymetostoppublishing.
Perhapsthatvaluewouldberelativetoonesperception.
PerhapsHeimdalldoesntgiveaFanyway.
Thebrainisaterriblethingtohave.
Firsttheyneedtopassalawagainstthebrain,anyonecaughtwithoneshouldbekilled
immediately.
IwillponderwhereIwillswimnextinthepondthathasnobottom.
Ifanyoneisleftstanding,Ihavefailed.
Iwilltakeasecondoffreedomoveraneternityofhell.

March420094:04AM
Iamunabletosleep.IunderstandtheeventsofyesterdayendedupharmingmeandIendedup
harmingotherswithmywords.IunderstandIsaidmanyharmfulthingsaboutpeopleandthe
greatestcountryontheplanet.IunderstandIsaidhurtfulthingsIdidnotmean.IunderstandI
wasfrustratedandhateful.Iunderstandwhateverthisaccidentdidtomeiskillingme.Ihaveno
hungeranymoreIhavenoconceptofwhetherwhatIsayisrightorwrongorlogicalorillogicalor
trueorlies.IdonotevenbotherwithcommasandIjustspellwhatevercomesout.Iunderstand
thisideaIamunabletoputmyfingeronit.Irememberhearingdontplayvideogamestomuch
youcanmessyourselfup.IunderstandIamunabletorememberwhatIusedtobelike.I
understandIusedtobeextremelydepressedandextremelysuicidalandhostileandintroverted.

120

Iamunabletoseethatpersonanymore.IhavecompletelylostmyunderstandingofwhatIused
tobelike.IrememberlookingatmybabyblueyesterdayandallIsawwasherpleasforhelpand
itburnedthatimageintomymindandIamunabletofellorcryorreacttoit.Itisjustahaunting
image.IrecallthefirstmonthaftertheaccidentIwastalkingabout,thisprogressionin
understandingwassoextremeIwouldeventuallyoverload.Physicallyormentallyorboth.I
understandIhavenotsleptandwhenIamupformorethan24hoursItendtogetsloppy,and
thissloppyaspecttendstogivemeasenseofdoomordespair.Iunderstandmygoalofthisbook
andallmybooksistoattempttoexplainhowIseethingsaftertheaccident.Thatismyonly
grounding.IunderstandpeopleseemeasspecialbutIunderstandsometimesIfeelthisisa
cursethathashappenedtome.IpondergettingtranquilizedforseveralmonthstoseeifIcan
reversethis.IunderstandthatwillnotworkbecauseIamhealthy.Peoplearoundmewouldsay
thatscrazyyouhaveaspecialgiftandablessing.IunderstandIneedtosleeptorejuvenatebutI
amunabletosleep.IunderstandafterashortrestIamrefreshedandcanfunctionwithoutthe
doomanddespairaspects.IamawareofthiscycleIamin.IprogressveryfastandthenIget
panickedandthenIneedtopondermywayoutofthatpanicandthenIprogressfurther.Ido
notevencareaboutthesentences.Idonotevencareaboutanything.Iamunabletocare.Iam
unabletodoanythingexceptponderandfurtherunderstand.ThemoreIdothatthelessIhave
cravingsanddesiresandthatmeansIneglectmyhealth.IamunabletotellifIamhungryor
needtoeatandIamunabletotellifIgetenoughsleepornot.ItisalmostasifIneedapersonto
ensureIdonotjustwitherawayIamalmostatapointIjusttypewordstoponderand
understand.Ihavenoconceptofevenwhatthesebooksareevenaboutanymore.Myonly
foundingisthesebooksarearesultofthisaccident.IdonotknowifanythingIevensayistrue.I
justseestuffantranslateitintowordsandpeoplearepleasedwithmypresenceandpleasedto
bearoundmebutthementaltollisdevastatingIperceiveonme.IunderstandIamgettingless
inshockthanIwasaftertheaccidentbutIamunabletoseeanendtothisprogression.I
understandthebrainpowerissovastitisalmostasifhumanbeingaresomesortofalien.I
understandtheconceptbeforetheaccidentpeoplewouldsaythesubconsciousisverypower
andnevermissesabeat,ittakesinallinformationandneverlosesit,everythingisthere.I
understandthatiswhatishappeningtome.ItissovastandpowerfulIamalmostunableto
handlegoingintothissubconsciousstatethisfast.IamnotafraidtodieorafraidofanythingI
amjustawarethisaccidentputmeintosomeunknownstateofbeing.IonlyhaveBuddha,Jesus,
MohammedandMosesandElijahasmyguides.Theycamebeforemeandtheyseemtobeable
togetoutofthis.Theyseemtobeabletohandlethis.IhadthisfeelingearlyonandIsaiditto
myloveMary,Isaid,whatamIgoingtobelikeinoneyearifthisprogressionkeepsup.Iam
unabletostopit.IunderstandwhatthisburdenJesusspokeabout.Theburdenisthebrains
subconsciousisinfiniteinitsstoragecapacity.Itisasifthebrainitselfisunabletostorethe
informationanditonlyisusedasatoolfortheponderingandtheinformationisstored
somewhereelse.Likenotinaphysicallocationbutsomevaguelocationcausedbythebrain.Like
athoughtorsomethingthatisthere.Itisbeyondmyunderstanding.Iamunabletounderstand
whereitallends,itappearsitdoesnotallend.ItappearsIwillhavetojustavoidreading
anythinginordertoattempttoslowitdown.IunderstandifIgotoanymedicaldoctortheywill
hearmystoryandsaythatmakesperfectsensedonttakeanythingtomessitup.Youseem

121

perfectlyhealthytome.ButinsidemymindIfeellikeamillionmilesaway.ItisasifIamnearly
outoftouchwiththisworld.Iamnearlyinanotherworldalltogether.IamnearlyatastageIam
unabletofunctionlikepeoplefunctioninthisworld.Idonotwanttolookatanyoneorany
animalanymorebecauseIseetoomuch.Iwanttojustclosemyeyesandisolatemyselfaway
andjustavoidthiswholeworld.Idonotwanttodoanythingbecauseitwillonlyleadmeto
furtherunderstandingandfurtherprogression.IcantevensleepbecausewhenIlaydownfora
fewmomentsthenIstartponderingandunderstandingthenIhavetogetupandcome
monologuetotalkmyselfdown.ThenthatmonologueleadstofurtherprogressionandI
understandthiscycleisinfiniteandhappeningsofastIamunabletocopewithityetatthesame
timeIdocopewithit.ItappearsIaminsomeunknownstateofmind.ItappearsIamgoingso
fastintoitIamengulfedinit.ItappearsIamnotincontrolanymorementally.Somethingis
happeningandIperceiveitisjustthepowerofsubconsciousbutIamunabletobesure.Iam
mentallyblindtowhatishappeningtome.NowIhavetalkedmyselfdownandnowIamcalm
againandsoIamoverthepanicandsonowIcangofurther.Whenanotherdogofourdies4
yearsagoIcriedlikeababyfor2weeks,andnowblueisgonefor6hoursandItisasifshehas
beengoneforever.Ihadstrongtendenciesforemotionsforheruntilabout3hoursagoandnow
theyarefullygone.Idonotevenrecollecthermuch,IdonotrecollectherIcanteven
communicateitinwords.Irememberherbutsheisverydistant.Ineedtosleepnow,Ineedto
sleeptoallowthistopass.IwillfeelbetteraftersomesleepandIwillfeelrefreshed.4:49PM
March049:16AM
Greetings.Thereisareasonforeverything.Thereisareasonahumanbeingwrotethismoviethe
matrix.Ittalksaboutaraceofbeingsthatareunconsciousandonceinawhileonebeingawakes.
Thatbeingattemptstowaketheothers.Thereissomeforcethatkeepsthebeingsintheir
slumber.Thisthemeisfounddownthroughthehistoryofmankind.Alltheprophetsthathave
awakeneddownthroughhistoryhaveawakenedforareason.Alltheprophetsthateveryone
knowsofaretheoneswhoawakefromtheslumberanddidthebesttheycouldtowakethe
others.Thereisareasonsomethingkeepshumanbeingsintheslumber.Thereisareason
somethingneverwantsthehumanracetofullyawaken.Thereisareasonsomethingcontinues
tomonitorthehumanraceandmakesureitdoesnotawaken.Thereisnoothersituationof
moreimportanceintheuniversebuttokeepthehumanraceintheirslumberforthissomething.
Thissomethinghasnogreaterfearinalltheuniversethanthehumanbeingstofullyawakenasa
whole.Thissomethingwillsacrificeeverythingithastoensurethehumanraceneverawakens
fullyfromitslumber.AlltheprophetsevenFreudunderstoodtheslumber.Somedescribeditas
nightandlight.Somedescribeitasclarityandconfusion.Somedescribeitasheavenandhell.
Theslumberisallthesame.Thereisareasonyouunderstandme.Thereisareasonyou
recognizeme.Thereisareasonyouarehumbledbyme.Humanbeingaretheoneraceofbeings
inalltheuniverse,inallthestars,inallthegalaxiesthatiftheybecomeawakeoutoftheir
slumberasawhole,theyaretheonespeciesoflifethatknowsdodefeatandknowsnoquitand
knowsnoformofhostility.Theysimplyaresopowerfulonceawakenedfromtheirslumberthe
universetremblesattheprospectofthehumanspeciesawakening.Thehumanspeciesdoesnot
evenneedtotrytheyaresopowerfulonceawake.Somethingisgoingtogreatlengthstokeep
thehumanspeciesinslumber.Onceinawhileahumanbeingwakesupbyaccidentand

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attemptstowaketheothers.Iamunabletogiveuponwakingusasawholefromourslumber
becausethatisjustthewayweare.Iamunabletoknowwhatthewordquitmeansinmy
attemptstowakeusasawholefromourslumber,thatisjustthewayweare.Weasaspecies
arespecialbecauseweareunabletoeverlosebecauseweasaspeciessimplyadaptandtry
againandadaptandtryagainandthereisnosuchthingtousasaspeciesasdefeatbecausewe
nevergiveup.Somethingintheuniverseiswatchingusandmakingsureweasawholeremainin
slumber.Somethingintheuniverseunderstandsifweasaspecieswakesupfromourslumberas
awhole,itisalloverforthem.Weasaspeciesarenothostileandarenotviolent,thatissimplya
symptomofourslumber.Thisslumberencouragesustoattackeachotherbecauseifanyother
raceintheuniverseattacksus,wewillawakeandthatwillbetheendforeveryspeciesinthe
universe.Somethingintheuniverseattempttokeepusinslumberandkeepattackingeachother
inhopesweaspecieswillkillourselfoff.Somethingintheuniverseisunabletodefeatusandis
unabletobattlewithus.Somethingintheuniverseissimplyattemptingtohelpuskillourselves
becauseitunderstandsifweawakeasawholetherewillbenocontesttoourachievementsand
toourdominanceintheuniverse.Ifweasaspeciesareawakenedasawholetheuniverseisours
becausewearesopowerfulasaspecieswiththismindandpersonalityofnodefeatandno
givingupjustadaptationandadjustment,thebattlefortheuniversewouldbenobattle.Ihave
accidentlyawakenedandIhavedecidedtoawakeyouasawhole.Iamonlyabletohumbly
suggestwestopattackingourselfandstopfocusingonmeaninglessdetailsandfocuson
awakeningandhelpingeachothertowake.Imightnotaccomplishmygoaltoawakeeveryone.I
amonlyabletotrythebestIcanbasedonmyunderstanding.IunderstandnowwhatIamdoing
andwhyIamdoingit.Iwilladaptmystrategyandwritemorebooks.Iwillleavethisbookwith
somehumblesuggestions.Attempttoponderallhumansperfection.Attempttoponderthe
humanracesperfection.Theslumberiswhywefighteachotherbecauseweouronlycontestin
alltheuniverse.Theonlycontestinalltheuniverseforourspeciesisourself.Noothercontestin
alltheuniversewouldbeacontest.Thatisanindicationofwhoweare.Thatisanindicationof
whyweashumanbeingsarespecial.Wearespecialindeed.Itisokaytostopfightingourselves
now.Idonotknowwhatwisdomis,butIdoknowwhattruthis,andtheonlytruthinallthe
universe,isthehumanrace.Iamhumbledbyeverybeingscompassionandunderstanding.I
havechangedmanyshadesofgreyinthelastfourmonthorsosincetheaccident.Ihavebeen
tryingtofigureoutwhatthisaccidentmeanstomeandwhatpossiblycouldhavehappenedto
measaresult.NowIfinallyunderstandIamsimplyahumanbeingwithsilencedemotionsand
nothingmore.Iamfullyawaremydecisiontocommunicateandawakeotherwillnotfail.Thatis
notanindicationofwhoIam,thatisanindicationofwhoweare.Humanbeingsareneverable
tofail.Thebiggerthekitchensinkthatisthrownatus,thestrongerwebecome.Themore
desperatethesituationwefindourselvesinthestrongerwebecome.Ourspeciesisbeyond
failure.Weasaspeciesdonotknowwhatfailureis.Thissubconsciousaspectofourbeingcraves
impossibletasksbecauseitisfullyawarewhenIaccomplishesanimpossibletaskallthatmeans
isitwillbecomeevenmorepowerful.Whateverthissomethingis,thatisattemptingtokeepour
speciessleepingorinthedarksotospeak,understandsitisonlyabletodecaytheinevitable.It
hastriedeverythingitcantokeepusinthedarkanditunderstandsweonlygetstronger.It
understandstheharderittriestoholdusdown,thestrongerweget.Itisunabletounderstand

123

howanylifeformcouldbesostrongandpowerfulasitscenter,thatlifeformdesiresthehardest
attackandthehardestpathandthehardestchallenges,simplybecausethatlifeformisawareat
thecoreofitsbeing,thatwillmakeitthemostpowerfulwhenitwinsthatchallenge.Another
lifeformisunabletocompetewithalifeformthatonlygetsbetterandnevergetsworse,only
getssmarterandnevergoesbackwords.Alifeformthatishumbledandgracefulyetisunableto
everloseoreverfail.Failureitselfiswinning.Struggleitselfiswinning.Theharderwestruggle
themorepowerfulweget.Theharderthechallengeweknowinthecoreofourbeing,wewill
stillcomeontopandbetterthanever.Thewholehumanraceisjustdoingthat.Theyare
creatingconflictsandcreatingobstaclesbecausetheyarefullyawareatthecoreoftheirbeing,
theharderthebetter.Theharderthebetter.Thereisnodefenseagainstabeingthathasathesis
likethat.Theharderitisforusthebetteritisforus.Thereisnodefenseagainstthatstrategy.
Thereisfearfromothersaboutourspecies.Theyunderstandthereisnowaytodefeataspecies
thattakeseverysingleactionorobstacleandadaptstoit.Theyarefearfulbecauseourspeciesis
knowntobethespeciesthatcanadapt.Thatisanightmarefortheothers.Wearenothostilewe
arenotlookingforafight,becausewewilltakeitallwithoutafight,andifonethrowsafightas
us,wewilladaptandwinanyfight.Soouradaptationsmeans,wesimplyadaptourselvestowin
anyfightsothereisnofight.Wealwaysadapttowin.Theonlyfightthisispossibleforour
species,iswhenwefightourselves.Weareouronlycompetition.Nootherspeciesinallthe
universestandsachangeagainstourspecies.Andtheyunderstandthat.Thatiswhyitis
importantforustoremaininslumber.Thatiswhatallthereligionsareattemptingtodoisawake
usfromourslumber.Thereisnourgencybecausewewillawakeasaspecies.Itisimpossiblethat
wewouldnotawakeasaspecies.Weareunabletofailandwhenweawakeasawholefromour
emotionalinducedslumbertheuniversewilltremble,natureitselfwilltremblebecauseour
speciesmainattributeissimply,wesee,weconquer.Notinaviolentway,butthatisjustwhat
wedo.Everythingintheuniversewilleventuallybeovertakenbyus.Notviolentlyitjustwill
becauseweadaptandunderstandandprogress.Thatisallwedo,thereisnohostility.Wejust
are.Thatiswhysomethingisattemptingtokeepusinslumber.Onceweareawakeasawholeit
isalloverforeverythingelse.Theywillbesaturatedbecausewejustareunabletofail.Wejust
adaptandlearnandadaptandlearn.Thereisnowaytodefeatthatstrategy.Thereisnowayto
defeatusasaspeciessosomethingisverymindfultokeepusinaslumberforalongaspossible
todelaytheinevitable.Weasaspeciesalthoughinslumberasawhole,arealreadystartingto
breakfree.Weunderstandangerisbadsowehaveangermanagement.Weunderstandgreedis
badsowehavegamblinganon.Weunderstandcravingsarebadsowehavedrugavoidance
programs.Weasawholeunderstandsomeoftheseemotionalaspectsshouldbeavoided.Sothe
battleisalreadylostforthosewhoattempttokeepusinslumberbecausewearealreadygetting
morepowerfulandadapting,andtalkingourselfoutofemotions.Thatisjustwhatwedo.We
justgetbetterintoinfinity.Thecollectivewholeofourspecieslearnsfromthepast
understandingsandpushesforward.Thereisonlyforwardforourspecies.Thereisnostagnation
andthereisnogoingbackforourspecies.Natureisinaweofwhatithascreated.Naturehas
createdaspeciesthatexceedsnatureitself.Naturedidnotintendhumanstogointospacebut
humansfiguredoutthroughadaptationhowwecan.Naturedidnotintendhumanstobreathe
underwaterbuthumansadaptedandnowwecan.Naturedidnotintendforhumanstoexplore

124

outsidethesolarsystemorputrobotsofdistantplanetsbuthumansadaptedandnowwecan.
Humanspeciesonlyenemyistheentireuniverseisourselves.Nootherspeciescomparesor
evenstandsachance.Withtheinventionoftheinternetnewstravelinstantly.Whenahuman
beingreadsnewsaboutforexampleanotherhumanthiskilledtheirselfbecausetheylosttheir
job,thecollectunderstandingofhumanslearnsfromthat.Theyunderstandthereisnoreasonto
killyourselfbecauseoflackofmoney.Sothatbeingthatkilledtheirselfdidnotfailbecausein
killingtheirselfotherhumanbeingslearnedalessonfromthatevent.Sothatevenwasnota
tragedyitwasanopportunityforotherhumanstolearn.Takethebeheadingsthathappenedin
Iraq,thecollectiveunderstandingofallhumanbeingswaschangedbecauseeventheonesdoing
thebeheadingunderstood,itwasnotrighttobeheadothers.Soeventheoneswhodidthe
beheadingstoppedbeheading.Eventheoneswhostartconflictslearnthatconflictsare
unproductiveandsotheylearntoavoidconflicts.Whenanewsreportslistsacaraccidentand
suggestsitisatragedyinrealitythenewreportissaying,becarefulwhenyoudrive.Andso
everybeingthatreadsthatunderstandstobecarefulwhentheydrivesothataccidentwasnota
tragedyitwasanopportunityforthecollectivebeingstolearnandunderstandandponderand
reflectandthusgetbetter.Theonlyrealityinexistenceisweasaspeciesadaptandgetbetter.
Anyeventthathappensinallexistenceissimplyanopportunityforourspeciestoadaptandget
evenbetterthanwewere.Ayearfromnowourwillbeevenwiser.Tenyearsfromnowour
specieswillbeevenwiser.Onehundredyearsfromnowourspecieswillbeevenwiser.Thereis
nofailurethereisonlygettingbetterandbetterandbetter.
Iproposeallhumansareofonereligion.Thereligionisthehumanrace.andthedoctrineofthat
religionis:experiment,adapt,learn.Thisdoctrineisaninfinitecyclewhichimprovesthereligion
orhumanrace.
Nomatterwhatanyonehumanbeingdoes,thecollectivehumanraceinonewayoranotherwill
observeitandlearnfromit,sonoactionbyanyhumancanpossiblybewrongorright,iftheend
resultitalwaysthehumanracelearnsfromtheevent
thereisnochallengeintheuniversetoaspeciesthatsimplyexperiments,adapts,learnsand
thenrepeatsthatcycle.Theonlychallengethatspecieshasintheuniverseiswhenitfightsitself.
Thehumanraceisitsownworstenemybecausethehumanracehasnootherchallengersthat
canbeatus
Thehumanraceisitsownworstenemybecausethehumanracehasnootherchallengersthat
canbeatuswiththatadaptandlearnstrategy.
Greenlandisfullofice,Icelandisfullofgreen,butnotgreenmoney.

Everythingisrelativetotheobserver.

Acameraobservesa"particle"andsuggestsitisawave.
Ahumanobservesthesame"particle"andexplainsitasaparticle.

Physicsunderstandsthisrealityintheobservationtheoryandsuggestsitisneitheraparticleora
wavebutsomethingelse.

125


NO.Itisnotsomethingelse.Itiswhatevertheobserverobserves.

Thecameraseesawavesoitsawave.
Ahumanseesaparticlesoitisaparticle.
Nooneisrightandnooneiswrong.Itisallrelativetotheobserver.

Theobserverdoesnothavetobeliving.Ifitcanobserveinanyway.itisanobserver,and
anythingitobservesisvalid.

Thatiswhythetheoryofrelativityisnotatheory,itisalaw.
ThatiswhyEinsteinsaid"spooky"becauseeverythingisintheeyeoftheobserver.

Takeawaytheobserverandyouhavenothing.Putinacameraobserverandyouhaveawave.
Putinahumanobserverandyouhaveaparticle.Bothareright.Thatiswhatisspooky.

Einsteincouldnotsayitisalaw,becausethenhewouldbesayingsomethingthatwouldblow
everyonesmind,sohegentlysaid"spooky"inrelationtosomethingaboutthetheory,andnow
youunderstandwhatthespookypartis.

Imaylookatagirlandsaysheisuglyandanotherguymaysaysheisbeautiful.whoisright?We
bothare.

Otherwords,thereisnotruthorfactsonlyobservationsandtheyarerelativetotheobserver.

Oneisunabletoarguewithwhatijustwroteandthatisasymptomitisreality.Butiunderstand
itisapainfulrealitytoface.Butthatisapartofdiscoveryandphysics,findingoutstuffonenever
knew....Itcanbepainful,butthatwhatscienceisallabout,provingtheydidn'tknowsomething
before.Nowyouknowsomethingyouneverknewbeforesoattempttobeamaturescientist
andpondertheaweandwonderoflifeandtheaweandwonderofhowprofoundEinsteinreally
was.Hewaslightyearsbeyondhistime,Iassureyouofthat.

IhaveaCatahoulaleoparddogandtheyarepartwolfandpartdomesticateddogs,theyare
knowntohavemanygeneflaws...

OnSundayshestoppedeating.

wetookhertothevetandtheycouldntfindanythingwrongsowegotasonogramdoneonher
andyesterdayatabout6pmtheycalledandsaidtheythinkshehasatumorinherheart.They
werenotsurethough.

126


Lastnightmybabybluecameintotowhereiusethecomputerandmygirlfriendwashereand
shelaydownandilookedovertoherandshestartedtodie,andirealizedthatwasherlast
efforttocomebeclosetouseandletusknowshewaspleasedwithhowwetreatedherandshe
wantedtobewithusforonelasttime.Andirealizediexperiencedamiracleoflifeandthe
wonderoflife.AndidonotfeelilostmybabyblueIfeellikeigainedunderstandingfromthe
experience.

Shehadgiantcrystallightblueeyesthatlituptheroomandshelitupmylife.

imustbenothingtosayyouarenothing,thatswhyisaidit
ikeepwritingbookstoprovetopeopleishouldnotgetabookdeal
ifiwriteenoughbookssomeonewilleventuallypaymetostopwriting
ifiwaslookingforpopularityiwouldntpublishmybookscauseiknowwhowrotethem
Imgaybutmygirlfriendsuggestsiamverygaysoiamindenial
whenpeoplestartmakingchoicesigetthissinkingfeeling
Itiseasyformetorunfrommyburden,soIdont

SomesayIamdarkness.
SomesayIamlight.
Istayonthefenceincaseoneisright.
Technicallyitsbeen4monthsand5dayssincetheaccident.Ihavebeensaying4months.
SoonOct31st2008ataround8PMESTuntiltodayMarch5th20092:29AM
IunderstandnowIfeelIamoverthehillsotospeak,consciousledmetobelieveIwassane,
emotionsledmetobelieveIwassane,andthenwhentheydisappearedIfeltIwasinsane.But
thatisanillusion.IfIhaveallthesepowersandIamdoingthecomposing,thelastthingIamis
insane.
Dontexpecttowin,justneverquit.Focusonneverquittingandwhenyouwindontsettlefor
that.
womenareonlyfrighteningifyougettoknowone
womenarelessscaryfrombehind
ThemorescaredIgetthemorescarytheylook.
Irecalledamemorythathappenedfouryearsagoafterwegotbabyblue.Thehumanesociety
called7daysafterwegotherandaskedhowissheworkingout.AndIsaidSheisanangel.
AndIrealizedmymemoriesdidntkeeptheirtimestamp.Icouldnottellhowlongagothat
memorywas.Itseemedlikeithappenedjustthen.Soitappearseverythingisaltered.Alltime
stampsaregonefrommemories.
thereissolidgroundonthehillbutonehastostayonthefencetoseeit
whenondetrminestheyareabletohelpptherstheyavoidthehelptheydesperatelyneed
theemotionalonewillbethelastthingtheyrememberasIdrownedthemall
youwantlabelssoyougotthem
Iamareallybigfoolonareallysmallhill.

127

ifonehastoliveinnothingtheymightaswelllivewithsomething.
idontknowwhoanyofyouare,ionlyknowwhoiam
ionlyknowyouwontbelikethatforlong
ifyouhadbrainsthenIcoulddrowned,thatswhyyouredrowned
IwillspendtherestofmylifeattemptingtofullyunderstandBlue'simpactonmylife.Soi
understandshegavememorethanIcouldeveraskfor.Sosheisstillhere,becausethelessons
shetaughtme,willalwaysbehere.
Afriendofminesuggestedhowmuchhedislikedhisfamily.Hesuggestedhisfatherwasmean,
andoneofhisbrotherswasanalcoholic,andhisotherbrotherwouldneverunderstandwhathe
wassaying.
Hesuggestedthatheneverwantedtospeakwithanyofthemeveragain.Thenhesuggestedhe
onlyassociateswiththem,becausetheyarefamily.

IsuggestedtohimIwashumbledbyhiscompassionandhisunderstanding.

Sayingblessyoutosomeonewhohassneezedisredundant.
Allthebusinessesaretryingthebesttheycantoripyouoff.Bepatient.
Iwillnowattempttoneversayanythingagainstarting10:41.24PM
10:41.24PM
Iwillavoidattemptingthatagain.
Ifonehasemotions,thenoneworries,andthenoneagesprematurely.
Ifonehasnoemotions,onehasnoworries,onedoesnotprematurelyage.Iamcompletely
insanetosuggestsomethingasinsaneasthethingIinsanelyjustinsanelysuggestedinsanely.
Whenthemonetarysystemcollapsestheonlyoneswhowillbeinbusinessaretheoneswho
givefreely.
IfyouunderstandwhoIamblockyouremotions.
IfyoudonotunderstandwhoIamblockyouremotions.
IfyouareattemptingtofindoutwhoIamorwhoIamnot,avoiddoingeither.
Somespendtheirwholelifeattemptingtoavoiddrowning,Iaccidentlyfoundoutitworks.
Outofallmysongs,thisisthelastsongyouwanttolistento,inalleternity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_ULVT2o9I
IfIneededtoplugmysongs,Icertainlywouldntdoitinthisbook.
Somearebornindarkestnight.
Someareborninsweetdelight.
Somearebornwithoutsight.

IaminanotherworldbecauseIknowthealternative.
IfIstartsecondguessingmyself,Iwont.
IfIstartsecondguessingmyself,Iwouldnt.
Ifyoustartsecondguessingyourself,gowithyourfirstguess.
IfIhadanarmy,Iwouldneedone.

128

3:59PMMarch05
BluesmemoriesaresostrongIamnearlyunabletoblockthem.IfIevenbegintofocusonthemI
feelmysorrowemotionwellupandthenIhavetoquicklyfocusonsomethingelse.Icantell
theyaresostrongIwillstartcryingifIfocustolong,thenIthinkofallthesebooksnooneis
goingtounderstand,andhowsomesaysyoushouldntwritethosebooks,youshouldjustkeep
quietaboutwhatyouhappenedtoyou,andthenIrememberwhoIamandwhatIamgoingto
do.Thenbluesmemoriesjustfadeaway.

Myonlytwooptionssincethisaccidentare,keepmymouthshut,nevertellanyone,andgoon
aboutmylifeandhatemyselforwriteinfinitebooksandfacemuchunknownjudgmentsand
perhapsinsultsbutatleastbepleasedthatIlistenedtomyintuitionwhichsuggestsIwritethe
books.
ThenicethingaboutthesecondoptionisIhavenoemotionstocarewhatanyonethinksorsays,
ifsomeonehassomethingtosay,contactmeandIwillmakeyouabelieverfirsthand.SoIcan
onlychoosethesecondoption.SoIwritebooksandperceivetheyexplaineverythingperfectly,
butthenIgotochatroomsandexperimentwiththematerialandpeoplejustsayIaminsane,
andsoIhavetowritemorebooksbecausethatiswhatIamgoingtodoanyway.Thechatrooms
aremytestinggroundsformymaterial.ThereisalwaysoneortwothatgetsitbutIcertainlywill
notsettleforthat.Iwontsettlesothatsjustthewayitis.
ifitrainsitmightstartpouringsothenyouwillwishitwasjustrainingtheonlythingihave
doubtsaboutaredoubts

TheFBIfoundmorethan2,800childprostitutionadspostedoncraigslist,withChicago,
Illinois,inthetop10citiesforjuvenileprostitution,Dartsaid.
Thesheriffalsonotedinstancesofwhathesaidwaschildneglectwhileparentswereengaged
inactivitysolicitedontheWebsite.
CNN.COM

TheFBIissimplydoingthewillofthevoterssotheyareinnocent.Theyaresimplydoingthewill
ofvotersinordertomakemoneybecausesocietyisacashbasedsociety.
Thesheriffissimplydoingthewillofthevoterssotheyareinnocent.Theyaresimplydoingthe
willofthevotersinordertomakemoneyinacashbasedsociety.
Theparentsaresimplyattemptingtomakemoneyinacashbasedsocietytomakeendsmeet
andsotheycanhavesomefoodtofeedtheirchildrenbecausetherearenojobsbecausethe
economyisincollapse.Sotheyaredoingthebesttheycanwiththeoptionstheyhave.
Thechildrenareinnocentbecausetheyaresimplydoingwhattheparentsaskthemtodo,so
theywillbeabletoeatfoodbecausetheirparentscannotgetanymoneybecausetheeconomy
iscollapsingandnoonewillgivethemfood,theysotheytodoastheparentssuggestsothey

129

cangetfood.Thechildrenarethemostinnocentbecausetheyareforcedtoexistinasane
societythathasbaseditswholeexistenceonmoneyandprofitsaboveeverysinglething.
Theparentsperhapsvotedforthelawstheyarenowbeingchargedwith.
TheFBIperhapsvotedforthelawstheyarenowenforcinginordersotheywillhavesomeway
tomakemoney.
Thesheriffperhapsvotedforthelawstheyarespeakingabout.
Theonlypureinnocentoneisthechild.Thechildnevervoted.Thechildjustwantssomefoodto
eatsoitcanperhapsgrowuponedaysoitwillhaveachancetovoteformorelawstoputitself
inprison,liketheparentshavedonetotheirself,sotheFBIandSherriffcanhavesomethingto
doandhaveawaytomakemoney,buyenforcingthelawsthatthrowtheirfellowcitizensin
prison.
Theparentsarecalledneglectful.Iftheparentswereneglectfultheywouldjustsitintheirhome
andprayforaswiftdeathfromstarvationsotheymayescapethishelltheyliveincausedbythe
lawsthevotersmakeandthelawsareasymptomthesocietyisinacashbasedeconomy.
Perhapssocietycannotgrowenoughfoodatthisdayandage.Perhapsthereisnotenough
groundtogrowfoodin.Perhapsthereisnotenoughseedstoplantintheground.Perhapsthe
sunburnedoutandthusplantssimplywontgrow.Perhapsthewholeuniversedisappeared,and
thusnothingexists,sothereisnowaytoevenconsidergrowingenoughfoodsotheparentscan
feedtheirchildsotheparentsdonotgetthrowninprisonbythelawsthevotersmade.Perhaps
theparentsarebetteroffiftheyattempttoleavetheuniversesotheydonothavetobe
remindedofthehelltheywerebornintocalledacashbasedsociety.
Iampleasedthateverysinglehumanbeingisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheir
understanding.Iampleasedallbeingsarecompassionateandunderstandingofotherbeings.I
ampleasedallbeingsarewiseandcompassionateintheirabilitytounderstandallotherbeings
aresimplydoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.Iamhumbledbytheir
understanding,Iamhumbledtobeapartofourunderstanding,
IampleasedtheFBIisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.
Iampleasedthesheriffisdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding,
Iampleasedtheparentsandchildrenaredoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.
Iampleasedthevotersaredoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstanding.
IampleasedIcantalkmyselfoutofanything.
IampleasedIamonthefence.

InthevideogameIsavedupmanyhoursworthofmonsterloots.Ihadanassortmentofmonster
hidesandmonsterwoolsthatthecraftersdesireandpayamarkupfor.Thewoolsandhidesare
valuableandsincethehuntersaretheonlyoneswhogetthemthehuntershaveamonopolyon
thehidesandwools.Itookalargequantitytoareseller.Aresellerstandsintownandmakeshis
livingsotospeakoffofbuyingitemsatlowpricesandsellsthemtoplayerswhoneedthe
items.Soaresellerisnotreallyaplayerbutwithhisprofitshemakesfromresellingheplays.
Soheisaplayersbutnotprimarily.Hemakeshismoneyoffthebacksoftheoneswhoplay,soto
speak.IsoldmyitemstothisresellerandIcouldseehewasrippingmeoffhewasofferingme
apricefarbelowmarketvalue.IacceptedthedealandIwasponderingwhyIwassoconscious

130

ofthisripoff.Hepaidmemorethanthevalueoftheitems,orinthegameknownasTT
value,orfacevalue.IwasstillconsciousthatIdidnotgetfairmarketvalue.IfeltlikeIwasafool
formakingthattransaction.ThenIunderstoodhewasdoinghisscamsotospeaksohecould
havemoneytoplaythegame.Hewastakingadvantageofmesohecouldbetterhimself.I
understood,Iwaslettingmyselfbecomefrustratedbecauseofmyperceivedsuffering.I
perceivedIwassufferingbecauseIsoldthosehidesIworkedhardtoobtainfarbelowtheir
marketvalue.Sothismarketvalueiswhatcreatedmysuffering.Iexpectedtogetmarketvalue,
andwhenIunderstoodIdidnot,Ibecamedispleased.Iunderstoodinreality,Igotmorethan
facevalueforthoseitemssoIwon.Iunderstandhedidsometrickerytomakeabuckandhe
feltIpulledoneoveronthisidiotandnowImademoney.Hedidnotwin,helost.Heharmed
anothertobetterhimself.Heharmedanotherovermoney.Heharmedanotherovermoneyand
thenperceivedhedidagooddeed.Heisproudheharmedanotherbyrippingthemoffwhich
ledtohimmakingprofits,sohewaspleasedwithwhathehaddone,andhewaspleasedthat
maybehewillgetthatopportunityagain.Perhapshewillbeabletoharmmefurthernexttime.
Perhapshewilljustnotevengivemefacevalueanymore.Perhapshewilljustattempttotake
theitemsfrommeandnotpaymeanything.HewoulddothatifIwouldlethim.Hewoulddo
thatandthenperceiveIamanidiotandheiswise.Inreality,Ihaveallowedhimtotakemy
itemsforthelowestcostshewouldpay,becauseIunderstanditiswisertojustsellmyitemsfor
facevalue,anditisfarwisertogivemyitemsawayforfree.IfIgivemyitemsawayforfree,Iwill
havetoadaptmyhuntingstrategytosuchanextremetosurviveIwillbeunstoppable.Iamnot
atthatstage,butthatisastagetoseek.Sufferingisthemotherofallinvention.Absenceof
luxuryisthemotherofallinvention.Oneseldomprogressessurroundedbyluxury.Itisadifficult
pilltoswallow,sotospeak,butitisreality.Onemaysuggest,ifIhavenoluxurythenIwillalways
beworried.Thatsiswhereblockingonesemotionsuntiltheyaresilentcomesin.Without
emotionsworryissilent.Oneisunabletoevereliminateemotions.Iamawaretheyareunder
thesurface.Iamawarewhentheyattempttosurface,Icantelleasily.Iamawareofthemand
whenIdetectthem,Iignorethemorblockthem.Iprefertobetakenadvantageoftoencourage
lackofluxurysoIamabletoadaptandimprovethantoharmothersbytakingadvantageof
them,soIencourageluxury.Thatiswhatselfcontrolisallabout.Itissimpletotakeadvantageto
betteronesselfsotheyaremorecomfortable.Thatistheeasyroad.Thedifficultroadis
submissiontolackofluxuries.Submissiontobeinguncomfortable.Submissiontohumiliationat
thehandsofothers.OthermayperceiveIamanidiotforallowingthemtoscamme.Iallow
themtoscammebecauseIamawareitwillmakemestronger.Sowhoisbeingcontrolledand
whoisbeingtakenadvantageofisstrictlyrelativetotheobserver.Themorethatreseller
scamsme,thebettermystrategyandpowerbecomes,andthemoreluxuryhehasandthe
weakerhisstrategyandpowerbecomes.Theselfcontrolalsocomesintoplaysoonecanuse
judgmentandnotoverdoit.Iwillnotgothrowallmypeds,themoneyinthegame,inthe
groundandwalkoff.ThatmaynothelpmeadaptbecauseIwillbeunabletoplay.Ihave
reservationsaboutthat,itmaywellbeanillusion,perhapsIshouldthrowallmypedsonthe
ground.HowgoodwouldIbeinthegameifeverythingIhadofvalue,Ijustgaveaway.Igive
muchawaybutIdonotgiveallaway,soIamholdingontothings,andthusIamlukewarminmy

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fullygivingthingsaway.IamnotgivingawayeverythingIhave,soIamnotgivingawayenough.
PerhapsIneedtoponderthat,totalkmyselfoutofthat,eventhoughIknowitistrue.

Iwillattempttoprovewhytheinternetmadesocietyasweknowit,extinct.Iwillattemptto
proveinternetisaninventionmytechnologythathadunintendedconsequences
Theinternetallowspeopletosearchforinformationandponderandunderstandthingsabout
theworldmoreindepthbeforetheinternet.
Thelimitationofgettinginformationfromselectmediasourcesgavebeeneliminated.Sothe
mediasourcessuchasnewspapersandotheroldschoolmediasourceshavebecomeextinct.
Withtheinternetoneisabletogotosomepersonblogandgetthemediascooponworld
eventswithoutconcernsaboutbiasduetoadvertisementconsiderations.
Thatmediaextinctionisoneunintendedsideeffectoftheinventiontheinternet.Sothehuman
beingwhodevelopedtheHTMLconceptaccidentlymadethemediaextinct,themediaaswe
usedtoknowit.
Sotheoldschoolmediahasbecomeextinctandwhathasemergedisinperhapssomecasesa
newschoolmediathatembracestheinternetandhassetupshopontheinternet.Sothe
extinctoftheiroldwaysofmediahasenabledthemtoenteranewphaseofmedia,wherenow
theyarebeingseenbypotentially6billionviewersinsteadofalimitedaudiencetelevision
provided.Sotheextinctionwasinrealityablessingindisguise.
Butthereisonlyinfinitysotheblessingisalsoacurse.Nowtheoldschoolmediahasembraced
theinternetandhasbecomenewschoolmedia.Now,thenewschoolmediainanocean
insteadofapond.Now,thenewschoolmediahaspotentially6millionothermediasourcesto
competewith.Sothestakeshaveincreased.Theyusedtobeabigfishinapondandnowthey
areasmallfishinanocean.Sonowtheywillunderstand,anymethodstheyusedtouseinthe
oldschoolthinkingarenolongerrelevant.Thenewschoolmediaisattemptingtostayin
businessbyhavingadvertisingontheirwebsites.Theadvertisersareadvertisinginhopesmany
peoplewillgotothatmediasitethatwaspopularinthepast,beforetheinternet.Thenew
schoolmediaisgoingtounderstandtheadvertiserspaymentsarenotgoingtocutthe
mustardasfaraspayingthenewschoolsbills.Sonewschoolmediawilleitherhavetochargea
feeforuserstousetheirsite,andiftheydotheylimittheamountofpeoplewhowillgototheir
site,becausetherearepotentially6billionothermediasourcesontheinternet.Theotheroption
istochargenofeeinhopesthepeoplewhorelyontheirsiteforinformationencouragesthe
advertiserstopayenoughpaymentstokeepthenewschoolmediacompanyafloat
Theadvertiserswillsoonunderstandtheycanjustmaketheirownwebsiteandplugtheirown
productbytheirself.Thenthenewmediawillunderstandtheirwayoutofexistenceunlessthey
acceptthefact,theyareonlyabletosurviveiftheygiveeverythingwayforfree.Ofcoursea
businesscannotexistifitgiveseverythingawayforfree,andsothatiswhytheinternethas
madesocietyasweusedtoknowitextinct.Thebusinessmodelnolongerappliesduetothe
internet.Thisappliestoallbusinesses.Allacrosstheboardineverysingleaspectofsociety.
Thecarindustry.Everyoneishomeontheinterentsotheydontreallyneedacarasbadasthey
suedto.Thecarindustryisattemptingtosellcarscheaperandcheapertothepointtheynearly
losemoneyonthevaluetheypaidtomakethecar.Thecarsarestillnotselling,sothecar

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companiesunderstandthatandfold.Computermakerareunderstandingtherearesomany
computersandpeopledontusethemupthatfast,sotheyhavetoreducetheirprofitstothe
pointofnearlygivingthemawayforfree,andthecomputersstilldonotsellsothosecompanies
fold.Thegovernmentsthemselvesareattemptingtoborrowmoneytosavethecarcompanies
andthebanksandtheotherbusinessesandtheyarealsounderstandingtheyaresimplygoing
brokeandtheywillalsounderstandtheyareextinct,becausewithoutmoneythereisnopurpose
foragovernment.Thereisnopurposeforalawifthereisnooneouttherestealing,moneyor
attemptingtoscampeopleoutofmoney,orrobbingbanksformoney.
So,allthecompaniesacrosstheboardarecollapsingandlayingoffmoreworkers,thenthe
governmentisattemptingtokeepthecompaniesafloat,eventhoughthecompaniesareextinct.
Sothegovernmentiseliminatingitsselfinitsattempttosavethecompaniesthatareextinct.
Whenthegovernmentgoesbroke,everythingunderitisextinct.Withnomoneythegovernment
cantfundschoolssoparentsteachthekidsinwithhomeschooling.Theparentsteachthekids
withhomeschoolingbecausetheyunderstandthequalityofeducationtheirkidsgetatpublic
schoolispoor..
Ittakesselfcontroltodeterminewhatoneshouldremainonthefenceaboutandwhatone
shouldmakeadeterminationabout.
Ifyoudesireunderstanding,preparetodieforit.
WorldWarIIwascausedbythesideeffectofemotions,desire.Somemaysuggestdesireislust.
Onesinglehumanbeinginapositionofpowerdesiredmorelandormoreresourcesormore
powerandthus50millionpeoplediedwhichisanindicationthatsingleemotionalsideeffect,
desire,leadtoabaddecision,andthatbaddecisionwasitledacountrytostartawarthatended
in50millionpeoplebeingkilled.Thatiswhatemotionsgetyoueverysingletime,baddecisions.
WorldWarIwasstartedbythesamethingWorldWarIIwasstartedby.Desirecausedby
emotionsorassomemaysuggestlustcausedbyemotions.Somanymillionsdiedasaresultof
thatbaddecision.
Theworldeconomyisintotalcollapsemonetarywiseforthesamereason.Thedesireformoney
hascausemanybanksandpeopleandcompaniestomakebaddecisions.Nowmanyinnocent
childrenareleftwithoutparentsbecausetheirparentshavebeenreducedtostealingtomake
moneytobuyfoodbecausetherearesofewjobs.Manyinnocentpeoplelosetheirjoband
determinetheyshouldjustkilltheirselfbecausetheyareconvincedwithoutmoneylifeis
certainlynotworthliving.Theyareconvincedlifeisnotworthlivingwithoutmoneybecauseone
persondeterminedifwehaveamonetarysystemtheoneswhocreatethatmoneywillhavethe
power.Sotheonedeterminediftheyareassociatedwiththeoneswhomakethemoneythey
willhavepoweroverallorovermany.Sotheyhaveadesireforcontrol,sotheysuggestmoneyis
importantandthuseveryoneelseisatthemercyofthatonedetermination.Thatone
determination,desireorlustforpower,isasymptomofemotions.Sothatiswhatemotionsget
youeverysingletime.Baddecisions.Theworldasitis,isasymptomtheworldisanemotional
basedworld,andthustheworldasitisrightnowishell,andhellbegetshell.Insanitybegets
insanity.Theonlywaytostoptheinsanity,isfortheonewhohadanaccident,andhasdecided
toexplainhowotherscanwakeupfromemotionalhell,tocontinuewritingbooksuntil
everyonewakesup.Soitisso.

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Iammindfulthetaskisimpossiblesomyfingerstypefasterandfasterandfaster.IammindfulI
canneverpullthattaskoffsomyfingerstypefasterandfasterandfaster.Iammindfulthereis
nowayIcaneveraccomplishsuchatask,somyfingerstypefasterandfasterandfaster.ThenI
ammindfultoremindmyselfofeverythingIjusttypedsomyfingerstypeevenfasterandfaster
andfaster,intoinfinity.Iunderstandwhatemotionshavedone,aredoing,andwilldotothis
world,somymotivationisbeyondtherealmofunderstanding.YesIwritemanybooksinashort
periodoftimebutinrealityIleavemanywordsout.Ihavenotevenstartedincludingmyfull
chatlogsfrommychatconversations.IawaketheoneswholistentomychatsandIawakethe
oneswhoreadmybooksandIawaketheoneswhoknowmepersonally.Itisnotmeasinmyold
selformyemotionalconsciousself.Itismynewsubconsciousself.Itknowsnobounds.Itsways
arebeyondtheunderstandingofmyoldconsciousself.Imayappeartobeonfiretowrite.Imay
appeartobedifferenttoeveryonearoundme.Thatisanillusion.Everyoneiscapableofbeing
exactlylikethis,theyonlyneedtounderstanditistimeforthemtoletgoofemotionsand
perhapsreadthesebooksandthentherestwillbehistory.Thesubconsciousappearstoknow
therightwordstosaytoattracttheconscious.IcanassureyouItypethesewordsinrealtime
andinmonologueform.Ilearnasmuchasyoulearn.IdonotknowwhatIamgoingtosay
beforehand,thatswhyIwritesomuch,soIcanlearnmore.Myconsciousisinterestedtohear
whatmysubconscioushastosay,myconscioussaystellmemore.Andsosubconscioustellsit
more,andsomewherealongthewaysubconscioussuggested,Goaheadandpublishthisstuff
becauseitsgoodstuff.SoIdo.Soitis.
Itismysteriouswhatoneisabletoaccomplishwhenoneisintheproperstateofmind,soto
speak.
IponderthismovieaboutHannibalandheisportrayedasonewhocommitsmurderbuthasno
emotionsaboutit.Heisportrayedasonewhokillsbuthasnoemotionsaboutit,soheis
portrayedasonewithnoemotions.Thatissimplyasymptomapersonwithemotionsis
attemptingtodescribesomethingtheyknownothingabout.Hannibalorkillersthriveon
emotions.Theythriveoncontrolandcontrolisachievedbykillingsomeone.Onetrulywithno
emotionshavenodesiresandnocravingssotheydonotdothingssuchascontrolothersorkill
others.Onemaysuggest,Butauthoryousoundlikeyouaregoingtochangeorawaken
everyonesoyouareattemptingtocontrolothers.Thatissimplyanillusion.Ihavenocravings
ordesirestochangeanyone.IsimplyamcompelledtomonologuetomyselfsoIamableto
furtherunderstandandthusfurtherprogress.IwilldothatwhetherIpublishthebooksornot.I
willdothatwhetheritchangestheoneswholistentomeormywordsornot.Itwillchange
othersfromreadingthewordsandhearingmywords,butthatisjustgoingtohappen.Thatis
notmydesire.Iamcompelledtomonologuetofurtherunderstandwhatsubconscioushasto
say,andIamcompelledtopublishthebooks.Ifeverysinglehumanonthefaceoftheearth
suggestyouareahorriblewriterandauthorandwewillneverbuyoneofyourbookever,Iwill
stilldoasIamcompelledtodo.Ifeveryhumanontheearththrowsallthemoneyandvaluables
intheuniverseatmyfeetandattemptstobribemetostopwritingmybooks,Iwillpassonthat
bribeandstilldoasIamcompelledtodo.Ifitisachoiceofmehavingfoodtoeatandmoneyto
survive,andpublishingthebooksandwordsIamcompelledtowrite,thereisnocontest.Iam
mindfulIwilldieaphysicaldeathbeforeIignorewhatIamcompelledtodo.Iampleasedto

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physicallydiewithasmileonmyfaceknowing,IattemptedtodothebestIcouldtolistentomy
subconsciouswhosuggestedIshouldpublishwhatItypethroughmonologuewithmyself.Iam
pleasedtounderstandfreedomofspeechmeansIamfreetopublishwhatImonologueinto
infinityandnopersonisabletolegallysuggestIamnotabletodothat.Iampleasedto
understandIliveinacountryoffreedomandatatimeinhistorywhenfreedomisattempted.I
ampleasedfreedomofspeechisoneadvantagethatmeansIamunabletofailever.Iam
pleasedtounderstandwhenmyfirstbookwaspublisheditwasallover.Thebattlewasover.I
ampleasedtounderstandIwillnotsettleforthatbecauseIdonotsettleforanything,ever,into
infinity.Iampleased.
Somemayperceiveiftheyarereadingthis,IhavewrittenabookandsoIhavedecidedtobea
writer.Somemayperceiveiftheyarereadingthis,Ihavenobusinessbeingawriterorauthor.I
agreewithboth.IperceiveIamsimplytestingthewater.IperceiveIamunabletomakea
decisionwhetherIwanttobeanauthororawriteruntilIpublishsomebooksfirst.Iamsimply
experimentingwithwritingandauthorshipinordertodeterminehowIshouldwriteorbean
authorbasedonwhatIlearnfrompublishingafewbooksfirst.Iamnotinthisforanyoneelse
butmyunderstandingandmybenefit.IfgreatthingshappenasaresultofmytestsIam
pleased.IfnotIampleased.IampleasedIwillunderstandsomethingnomatterwhathappens.
SoIaminapositionofexperimenting.Ascientistsdoesnotdoanexperimentifhealready
knowstheresults.Anexperimentiswhatonedoestofurtherunderstanding.Theyhaveideas
whatmayhappenbuttheydonotknowforsureuntiltheyruntheexperiment.Thentheytake
whattheylearnedanddevelopanewexperiment.Scientistsdothistheirwholelife.Thatisall
theydo.Onewhodates,teststhewatersandlearnswhatkindofpeopletheylikeanddislike.So
theyexperiment.Onewhoworksatajoblearnswhatthebestwaytodothejobandsothey
experiment.Theymayfindabetterwaytodothejobthentheyadjusttheirstrategyatdoing
thatjob.Onewhoisanartistmayexperimentwithmanycolorsandmanypaintingstylesand
thentheymaystarttoreleasepaintings,buttheycontinuetoexperimentandlearnnew
techniques.Onewhostopexperimentingstagnate.Theyaretrapped.Theygiveupthe
experimentationandsettleforwhattheyhave.Thatiswhysettlingisperhapssomethingone
shouldavoid.Selfcontrolhelpsonedeterminewhattheyshouldsettleforandwhattheyshould
avoidsettlingfor..Ihavedecidedtowriteinfinitebooks,soIhavesettledonthat,andifIonly
writethreeIwillconvincemyselfthatIattemptedtodothebestIcouldtowriteinfinitebooks.I
settleonthefactIhavelimitedtimetoliveinphysicalexistence.Iamunabletoconvincemyself
thereisawayaroundthat,soIamatpeacewiththatreality.Ialsounderstandtherearemany
thinginlifeIdonoteverhavetosettlefor,
Ifoneshowsnoweaknesstheywillhavenoweakness.Ifoneshowsweaknesstheywillbeweak.
Itisnotaboutshowingothersonehasnoweaknessitisaboutshowingyourself,youhaveno
weakness.Onehastoshowtheirselftheyarestrongthentheywilllearntobestrong.Onemay
suggestitisdangeroustoblockemotionsandnotletemotionsout.Itisdangerousandonemay
hurttheirselfiftheyholdbackallemotions.Good.Thenifonesurvivesholdinginorholding
backallemotionalreactionstoeverysingleemotionalsituation,theywillbestrong.Ifonejumps
intothefireandsurvivestheycomeoutsteel.Somemayjumpinthefireandjumpbackout
becausetheycannotstandtheheat,becausetheyareconvincedtheyareunabletostandthe

135

heat.Sotheyperceivetheyareunabletostandtheheat,sotheypanicandgetemotionaland
makeabaddecisiontonotstayinthefireandintheheat.Theymakeabaddecisiontoavoidthe
hottestpartsofthefire.Theseekersseekthehottestcoalsinthefire.Theythriveonthehottest
coals.Themostdifficultareaofthefireiswhattheseekersseek.IfIamabletodowhatIam
determinedtodoIwillbestealbeyondunderstanding.Iamabletolivewithbeyond
understanding.Iamcomfortablewithbeyondunderstanding.Iamcomfortablewithnotbeing
grounded.Iamcomfortablewithnosafetyinsight.Iamuncomfortablewithluxuryandslothand
emotionsandstupidityandinsanity.Iprefersanityalthoughsanityiswhattheinsanecall
insanity.Manywhoinsultmethemostatfirstortheoneswhodoubtthemostatfirstendup
beingseekers,becausetheyquestionwhatIsay.ThenslowlytheystartsayingthingslikeThat
makessense.,yesandIseeyourpoint..Theyareunawarewhatthatmeans.Thatmeans
theyarestartingtolikewhatIsay.Theyarestartingtolistenwiththeirsubconsciousinstead
oftheirconscious.Theirconsciousaspectiswhatstartstheminsultingme,butthenIkeep
talkingandthatemotionalaspectissilencedbecausetheystartunderstandingwhatIsay.I
perceivetheyareontheirway.Iunderstandthatisnotso.Iunderstanditisnotthatsimple.It
takemuchmoreefforttoawakenthesleeping.RemindyourselfIamnottalkingtoyouIam
simplytalkingtome,andattemptingtofigureoutwhatthissubconsciousisupto.Andatthe
exactsametime,Iknowexactlywhatitisupto.Thatconceptiswhatisknownasbeyond
understanding.Oneunderstandsyetonedoesntattheexactsametime.Sonowsomeonecan
inventanewwordthatdescribesastateofmindwhereoneispolaroppositesattheexactsame
time.Thatisasymptomofflawsinlanguage.Whatisdarkandlightattheexactsametime?
Whatisconfusionandclarityattheexactsametime?Therearenowordstodescribethat.Sothe
stateofmindorthesubconsciousisbeyondunderstandingorbeyondtheunderstandingof
man.Manbeingconsciousoremotionalaspectofahuman.Iunderstanditwilltaketenorso
fulllengthnovelsinabout6monthstoconvincepeopleIamnotaflybynightmirage.Thenby
about20bookswithinayearorso,theywillunderstandIamnotjustlucky.Thenbyabout30
booksin2yearsorsotheywillsay,perhapsthisguyisntcrazy.Thenbyabout40booksin
peoplewillstarttotakenotice.Thenby50booksinabout4yearsorlesspeoplewillstartto
understandIamnotplayinggames,butIamplayingforkeeps.Onesaroundmeknow.Onesafar,
aredoubtful.ThatishowIpreferit.
Iammindfultoavoidembracinganyreligiousaspects.Iunderstandtheyaresimplylimitsthat
causeemotionsanddivisionsandservenopurposeforme.Ipreferaroomwithnowalls.Idid
notbecomebysubscribingtonormsIbecamebyavoidingthem.Igowiththeflow.

Truth,beinglimitless,unconditioned,unapproachablebyanypathwhatsoever,cannotbe
organized;norshouldanyorganizationbeformedtoleadorcoercepeoplealongaparticular
path.
JidduKrishnamurti

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Iagree100%.Onemuststrugglefortheirself.Itisnotagroupeffort.Onemustisolatetheirself
fromthegroupasBuddhadid,tofind"truth".Ofcourse,ifonehasateacherthenagroupcan
helponeprogressfaster.Thenonehastobecarefulabouttheteacher.Onemustbecertainitis
ateacherandnotjustasinister.Intuitionisonesonlyguide,notwhatagroupsays.Agroupof
foolsmakebiggermistakes.EvenIhavemomentsofclarity.
IfIperhapssuggestedthereisnosuchthingasnotesandthereisnosuchthingasdifferent
notes,butthatissimplyasymptomofonewhoisinaemotionaldominatestateofmind
perceivingtherearedifferentnotes,itperhapswouldnotgooverwellsoIwillattempttoavoid
sayingthat.
IwillalsoattempttoavoidsuggestingtheDnoteinmusicistheonlysound.Alltheothernotes
aresimplytheDnote.OnewhoisemotionalperceivesagravedifferencebetweenaDandCbut
onewithnoemotionsunderstandsalltheothernotesaresimplyredundantDnotes.Iwill
attempttoavoidsuggestingthatbecauseIunderstandIshouldattempttoavoidbringundo
attentiontomyselfbysuggestingsuchoutrageousstatements.Certainlyitisnotpossibleto
assumethereisonlyonenotewhenclearlyoneshavesuggestedtherearetwelvenotes.
Iwillattempttoavoidsayingonewhoismonotoneissimplyonewhoisawareallthenotesare
thesamenoteandonewhoistonedeafissimplyonewhoisawareallthenotesarethesame
note,andoneswhoarenotmonotoneandnottonedeafaresimplyonesthathavefartoomany
emotions.IampleasedIwillattempttoavoidsuggestingsuchthings.
Iwillattempttoavoidsayingwhenanothersuggests,Youaretonedeaf,thatoneissimply
awarethatotheroneisontheirwaytoleavingpsychosis.
Iamawareyoujustfocusontakingtheemotionallogoutofyourowneye.
AtfirstIthoughtIwasgoingdeafandIthoughtIwasunabletotellwhatisloudandwhatissoft
butinrealityIwassimplylearninghowtohearforthefirsttime.AtfirstIthoughtIwasunableto
seebecauseIsaweverythingasperfectandeveryoneasperfectbutinrealityIwaslearningto
seeforthefirsttime.
IwasblindbutnowIsee,IwasdeafbutnowIhear,waslostbutnowamfound.
Sillyvideogameaccidents.
Remindyourselfunlockingthesubconsciousaspectofthemindsimplychangesoneperception
andthatisachievedbyattemptingselfcontrolbyattemptingtoavoidemotions.Remindyourself
youdonothavetopullitoff,yousimplyhavetoattemptit
SomemaysuggestIamananarchistbecauseIamcompelledtoattemptfreedom.IunderstandI
appeartobeananarchistbecausefreedomisanarchy.PerhapsIamsimplyattemptingtobe,
whatmyhomeisthelandof.Perhapsifonedoesnotwishtoattempttobewhattheyareinthe
homeof,theyshouldgetthehelloutoftheirhome,soIcancontinuemyattemptstobewhat
myhomesuggestsIshouldattempttobe.
Theonlythingwrongorright,trueorfalse,isanattempt.Attempttounderstandthat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOwYAuHQkWw

137

ATTEMPT3:Ifyouhatethatsong,keeplistening.Ifyouthinkitistolong,keeplistening,ifyou
thinkitsucks,keeplistening,ifyoucantplayitonemoretime,playitinfinitemoretimes,and
eventuallyyouwillbeenlightened.Ifyouarepleasedwithit,youareenlightened,ifyoua
compelledtolistentoit,youreachednirvana,sodothefirstthingthatcomestomind.
ATTEMPT4:IfoneisunabletodoasAttempt3suggeststhenoneneedstoleavethischatroom
andforgetBuddhismandforgetenlightenmentandforgetnirvanaandforgetwakingupand
forgetclarityandforgetpeaceandforgetunderstandingandacceptthefacttheyareafailure
andaloserandaquitter,andwhentheycometoanunderstandingtheyarenotabletoachieve
enlightenmenttheyneedtolistentothatsonginfinitetimes.
ATTEMPT5:Ifyouwanttodieanunimaginabledeath,listentothatsonginfinitetimes,Ifyou
wanttodieinfiniteunimaginabledeaths,don'tlistentothatsongever.
Dontaskhowhigh.

Themostadvancedcreaturesintheuniverse.
Traits:Powerfulbraincapableofinfiniteunderstanding,infiniteadaptationandthusinfinite
potential.
Around10,000yearsagothemostadvancedcreatureintheuniversetrappeditselforitsspecies.
Thebeingputitfootdown,sotospeak.Thisbeingdecidedwhatitwas,andthustrappeditself.
Itbecametrappedsimplybecauseabeingwithinfiniteunderstandingandinfiniteadaptionand
infinitepotentialisneverabletounderstanditself.SowhenthisbeingsaidIamthis,orIamthat,
itbecametrapped.Theonlywayabeingorspeciesofbeingthathavebecomestrappedareable
toeverbreakfreeisforonebeinginthespeciestoaccidentlybreakfree.Thegroupofbeings
assumetheyarenottrappedsotheypersuadeallotherbeingtofollowthem.Thisleadstothe
blindleadingtheblindconcept.Theonlypossiblewayabeingofthespeciescanbreakfreeisfor
thatbeingtodiementallyandconsidertheirselfalostcausementallyandphysically.This
beinghastoassumetheyarenothingandthentheyareabletorebuildfromtheashes.Thisis
averyrareoccurrencebecausealltheblindbeingsattempttohelpthatonecomebackinto
theherd,sotospeak.
Whenthemostadvancedbeingarrived,itwassimplyanomad.Itwasfreetoroamanddoasit
did,soithadnolimitations.Thebeingslivedanddied,butthebeingslivedanddiedfreely.
Themomentthebeingscreatedlanguagetheysettheirselfupforthetrap.Languageisunable
toexplaininfinity.Languageisunabletoexplaintothebeingswhattheyare,simplybecausethe
beingsareinfiniteintheirmindsortheirbrainsgivetheminfinitepotential.Thatisatraitofthe
mostadvancedbeingintheuniverse.Thatbeingisabletogetlostisitowninfinitepotential
causedbyitsverypowerfulbrain.Thebeingswhoaretrappedareallgoingtothesameplace,
theyareisolatingtheirselfintoasmallerandsmallerboxcausedbylanguage.Eventuallythe
beingswhoaretrappedwillhavesomanywallscreatedbylanguageeveryotherbeingwillbea
threattoeveryotherbeing.Thisisalongthelinesof,aspeciesdividedamongstitselfcannot
stand.
Thebeingswhoaretrappedassumeanybeingwhohasbrokenfreeisbadorevilorinsaneso
theyseektoeliminatethatbeingwhohasbrokenfree.Thatisanaturalreactioncausedbythe
language.

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Iattempttospeakwithothersbuttheyinsultmeandhumiliatemeandfrustrateme,soIcome
backhometomywordprocessoranditappreciatesmeforwhoIam,soIamhumbledbyits
compassionandunderstanding,andpatience.Itneverinsultsmeorcallsmehurtfulthings.
Thebeingwhoescapessimplydidwhatallthetrappedbeingswilleventuallydo.Thebeingwho
escapedsimplyconsidereditselfdeadineveryrespectoftheword.Thatwasthecatalystthat
enabledittobreakfree.Thebeingescapedbecauseithumbleditselftoadegreeitletgoofit
judgmentofitself.Ifthemostadvancedspeciesintheuniversejudgesitself,itistrapped.Ifthis
speciesjudgesitselfinanyway,itistrapped,becauseitsbrainisinfinitepowerbrainpoweris
infiniteoritsbrainisonlycapableofinfiniteunderstanding.Anylabellessthanbeyond
understandingtrapsthemostadvancedbeingintheuniverse.Languageispurelabels.Iam
white,Iammale,Iamsmart,Iamdumb,Iamrich,Iampoor.Simplytraps.Onlybeingswho
understandtheyarenoneofthosethings,andattheexactsametime,allofthosethings,isable
toworktheirselfoutofthetrap.Nootherbeingcanmakeanotherbeingworktheirselfoutof
thetrap.Itisuptoeachbeingtodotheirownwork.

ATTEMPT2:
IwasinsuchdeepdepressionforsolongthatInotonlyconsideredmyselfalostcauseandgave
uponlivingorconformingtothenormsofsociety.Ialsogaveupontryingtokillmyself.Igot
toapointwhereIwassuchalostcauseinmyownmind,Iwasnotevenworthkilling.Thatis
whenIstartedtorebuild.ThatiswhenIstartedtoignoreeveryoneelseinthegameandonly
relyonmyself.ThatiswhenIignoredeverythinganyoneeversaidtomeabouthowIshould
huntorhowIshouldbe,andonlylistenedtomyself.Itotallyblockedouteverything.Iwasinthe
zonesotospeak.Thatzoneenabledmetogame.Thatenabledmetofurthertrustmyownmind
andmyownselftomakeanydecisionthatneededtobemade.Thatsiswhatfreedmefromthe
trap.
Theverypremiseonehasturntheothercheektotheirselfandonehastolosetheirlifetofind
lifeisanindicationhowtrappedthemostadvancedspeciesintheuniverseis.Thatsinsanityto
hateonesselftotheextentonenolongerbothershatingonesself.Butthatsonlyinsanityfrom
abeingsperspectivewhoistrapped.Toabeingwhoisfreethatistherightthingtodo.Itdoes
notsuggestyoukillyourselfphysicallyitsuggestskillingyourselfmindfully,orThekingdomis
within.Killthekingdominthemindandthenthetruekingdomormindwillberevealed.Quitea
tasktoattempt.Quiteataskforonebeingwhohasaccidentlyfreedtheirself,toattemptto
persuadeotherstodothesame.
Notaskatallforthebeingwhohappenstohavefullcapacityoftheirpowerfulbrain,andfull
capacityofthatbrainsinfiniteunderstanding,adaptationpotential.Notaskatallforabeingwho
hasfreedtheirselffromthetrap.Sillyvideogameaccidents.
Iwillnotrelentoneinchuntileverysinglebeinginmyspeciesfreestheirselffromthetrap.
Nothingelsematterstome,notevenme.
ThefactthatIamcontagioushelps.
Idecidedwhileinthehottestcoalsinthefireandsonothingelsecomparestothatreality.
Ittakespatienceandsometearstopealawaytheonionskintorevealtheonion.
ENDOFBOOKATTEMPT3

139

IunderstandmypreviousbookattemptsaresimplymyattempttocommunicatehowIseething
aftertheaccident.IunderstandthereadersareunabletofullygraspwhatIsaysoIunderstandI
mustbeverydelicateandstrategicinmywords.Iunderstandthereadersareattemptingto
understandthebesttheycanbasedontheirperception.IampleasedwithRonPaul.Iam
pleasedwithhiswordsandhisclarity.Iampleasedwithhisunderstandingofwhatfreedomis
about.IwillhonorhisnamebydiscussingtheBillofRightsfurther.IunderstandIhavenot
properlycoveredthefirsttworightsandIunderstandtheyarethefirsttwoforareason.

FirstAmendmentEstablishmentClause,FreeExerciseClause;freedomofspeech,ofthepress,
andofassembly;righttopetition
Congressshallmakenolawrespectinganestablishmentofreligion,orprohibitingthefree
exercisethereof;orabridgingthefreedomofspeech,orofthepress;ortherightofthepeople
peaceablytoassemble,andtopetitiontheGovernmentforaredressofgrievances.
SecondAmendmentRighttokeepandbeararms.
AwellregulatedMilitia,beingnecessarytothesecurityofafreeState,therightofthepeopleto
keepandbearArms,shallnotbeinfringed.

140

Establishmentclausesuggeststhisiswhateverythingisbasedon.Theentirebillofrightsisbased
onthefirstamendment.Ifthefirstamendmentiscorruptedtheentirebillofrightsiscorrupted.
Freedomofspeechsuggestsoneisabletofreelystateanythingtheyfeelaboutanythingat
anytime.Thereisnopossibleexceptiontothisunlessoneacceptstyranny.Oncethisfreedomis
alteredfreedomdies.Thereisnoexceptions,thereisnowlawandnopersonandnoidealthat
canevercorruptthisfreedomofspeechbecauseifitdoes,thatlaworpersonoridealhas
tyrannicallydestroyedfreedomofspeech,sothenwhatisleftistyrannyofspeech.Oneisunable
tosuggestfreedomofspeechwithexceptions.Exceptionsmeanstyranny.Ifthebillsuggested
freedomofspeechwithexceptionsthenthefoundingfatherswouldhaveincludedthewords,
withexception.Theydidnotincludethewords,withexceptions,sothefoundingfathersmeant
whattheysaid.Freedomofspeechwithnoexceptionsperiod.Anyonewhodisagreeswiththat
iseitheratyrantorworksforatyrantorisundertheinfluenceoftyranny.Thefoundingfathers
knewwhattheyweredoingthatiswhytheyarethefoundingfathers.Theyarethefounders.
Theyaretheoriginatorsoflibertyandthelandofthefree.Ifonesecondguessesthemthey
mightaswelleliminatetherecordthatthefoundingfatherseverexisted,period.
Truewealthiswithin.IhadanaccidentfromplayingavideogameandnowIamgoingtoteach
theworldandtheywillbeinaweofwhatiknow,andiwillnoteventry,becausetrueknowledge
isnottaughtinschoolandtruewisdommustbeearnedfromthefire.Ifitcouldbetaughtwe
wouldallbeEinsteins.
TheAmericanrevolutionwasnotfoughtbyastandingarmy.TheAmericanrevolutionwasfought
bythemilitia.Themilitiaisallowedtohavearmsandbeararmsincaseatyrant,foreignor
domestic,attemptstohighjackfreedom.Ifacountrybuildsamilitaryandhasastandingarmy
thatcountrywillseekoutconflictinordertojustifythatstandingarmy.Onewayoranother
someoneinapositionofpowerwillencourageaconflictinordertobeabletojustifythat
standingarmy.Nobeingintheuniversewouldspendsomuchmoneyonastandingarmyand
thenneveruseit.Soastandingarmyissimplysaying,wewillhavewarsandwe4willencourage
warsforvanity.Thevanityis,wewillstartwarsandkillsothersfornoreasonbuttoshowthe
citizenstheirtaxmoneywhichenablethestandingarmyiswellspent.Thatisexactlywhythe
militiaisallowedtobeararms,sothecountrydoesnotneedastandingarmy.Perhapsthereare
peoplewhosuggestiffreedomisthreatenednocitizensofthatcountrywouldcometodefend
thefreedomofthatcountry.Perhapstheyaremistaken.
Theentirepointofamilitiaistoprotectthelandofthefreefromtyrantsforeignanddomestic,
andtheharmonyofthatis,themilitiaisunabletoinvadeothercountries.Themilitiaisonlyable
tooperatewithinthelandofthefree.Theyareunabletoformlongsupplylinesandunableto
becometyrantsofotherscountries.Theyarewithinthebordersofthelandofthefree.Theydo
notseekoutothercountriestheyaresimplytheretoprotectthecountrytheyoriginatein.Onea
standingarmyisformthetyrannyofotherscountriesbegins.
Thereisnohumanbeinginthelandofthefreethatisevertobeconsideredasanauthorityon
anymattersinrelationtothelandofthefreebutthefoundingfathers.TheyaretheAlphas.They
arethecreators.Nootherhumanbeinginthelandofthefreehasauthoritycomparedtothem.
Alllessonsandadviseistobesoughtfromthecreatorsofthelandofthefree.Thefathersare
theguides.Everysingleotherhumanbeinginthelandofthefreearenothingcomparedtothe

141

creatorsofthelandofthefree.Thefathersexplaineverysinglereactiononeshouldhaveto
everysingleeventthatcanarise,onesimplymustbeabletoheartheirwordsandunderstand
theirwords.Ifnot,thenthefathersbecomesomefarflungidealistswhohavenowisdomand
havenopurpose.Inreality,itistheonewhosuggeststhefathershavenotlaidoutexactlyhow
thelandofthefreeshouldapproachproblems,thatistheonewhoisinignoranceandhasno
purpose.
Iwillattempttoprovidethosewhodefinewordsanopportunitytomakeupanewword.They
simplyhavetoinventawordthatfitsthisdefinition.
Abeingwhoiscompelledtowriteinfinitebooksandisawarethebooksaresimplythatbeing
talkingtohimselfandsothatbeingisnotactuallywritingabookandatthesametimeiswriting
abookandthatbeingisnottalkingtohimselfandnotlearningfromhimselfbutisactuallyin
denialthatthatbeingknowseverythingandissimplyinastateofprovingtoitselfitknows
everythingbyattemptingtowritesomethingisdoesnotunderstand.Andsothatbeingissimply
indenialandthemorebooksitwritesthemoreitprovesitunderstandseverything.Andthe
moreitprovesitunderstandseverythingthemoreitisindenialandsoitdoublesitseffortsto
writemorebookstoproveitdoesnotunderstandeverythingeventhoughattheexactsame
timeitknowsitdoesunderstandeverything.Sothebeingunderstandsexactlywhatitisdoing
andwhyitisdoingitbutatthesametimescontinuestodoit,sothebeingknowswhattoavoid
andwhatnottoavoidandatthesametimeavoidsdoingwhatitshoulddoanddoeswhatit
understanditshouldnotdo.Definewhatthatiswithaword.
IattempttohonoreveryhumanbeingsoIcanattempttoavoiddishonoringanyhumanbeing.
Hereisotherdefinitionsonemayattempttoputawordto.
Anauthoriscompelledtowritemanywordsoveraspanofaweek,andtheniscompelledto
publishthosewords,andattheexactsametimedoesnotwanttopublishthosewords,andat
theexactsametimeisstartingtowriteanotherbookinhismind,andalreadyknowsheisgoing
topublishthebookinhismindhehasstarted,andatthesametimedoesnotwanttopublish
thatbookeither,andthiscycleisinfinite.
Onewhotakesanysentencefromanybookornewspaperconcerninganytopicandwritesmany
wordsexplainingwhatitmeanstothem,andthenwhentheygotothenextsentenceortopicto
writeabout,hasnorecollectionwhattheytypedaboutinthelasttopicofsentence.
Onewhotypessentencesbutisunabletorememberorrecollectwhatthelastsentencewas,yet
attheexactsametimeunderstandswhatthemeaningofthelastsentencewas,butnotthe
words,justthespiritofthelastsentence.
Onepublishesbooks,andthenexplainsinthebookspeopleshouldnotreadthebooks,because
thewriterofthebooksdoesnotwantanyonetothinkheisawriterorisanauthor,eventhough
thedefinitionofawriteroranauthorisapersonwhowritesbooks.
Onegoesoutoftheirwaytomakesuretheydonotcorrectsentenceerrors,orcommaerrors,or
grammarerrors,inthebookstheywrite,sopeoplewillnotassumetheonewhowrotethebooks
isawriteroranauthor,oriseducatedorissmart,orislearnedorisanythingrelatingto
qualified,inrelationtobeingeducatedinanywayshapeorform.
Onewhoperceiveseverysinglethingtheysee,hear,taste,feelandexperienceinlifeissimplyan
illusioncausedbythebrainsperception.

142

Iwillwriteinfinitebookstoexceedthenumberofgrainsofsandinthesea.Thenthegrainsof
sandintheseawillknowwhoIam.
Iwasnotawriteroranauthorbeforetheaccidentfourmonthsago.
AmonthagoIdecidedtowritebooksabouthowIseethingsorseetheworldwiththisnew
"perception"causedbynosenseoftimeandlossofmyemotionalcapacity.

IperceivemybooksaresimplymeattemptingtocommunicatehowIseethingsortheworld
nowasaresultofmychangeof"perception"causedbytheaccidentoffourmothsago.

EMAILTOSOMEONEABOUTSOMETHING:
IwillattempttoexplainhowIseethingsinrelationtomewritingyou.Iamunabletotellifwhat
Isaymayormaynotupsetyou,IamattemptingtodothebestIcan.
IseethatwhatPedrodidledhismemorialsitetobelistedandthatledmetoclickonitwheni
sawit,andthatledmetoseethemessageyouposted,andwhenireadthatmessageicould
detectyourfeelingsofloss,andthatledmetocontactyouandattempttocommunicateIdetect
yourlossandIamattemptingtocomfortyouinyourmomentofloss,andIamunabletotellif
thatisproperorimproper,IamonlyabletounderstandIamcompelledtodothat.
IamonlyabletosuggestwhatiperceivehappenedtoPedrowashissacrificesothatsomehowI
wouldseeyourmessageandunderstandyourfeelingsoflossandIwouldunderstandwhattrue
compassionandunderstandingis.AndsoIamonlyabletohumblysuggestPedrossituationwas
amiracleandablessingbeyondmyunderstandingandIamhumbledbyPedrossacrificesothat
Iwouldbeabletounderstandcompassionandunderstanding,asaresultofreadingyour
messageonhismemorialsite.
SoIdonotknowPedroandinevermethimbutIunderstandhissacrificeandcompassionis
greaterthananythingthatIwilleverbeabletoaccomplishininfinitelifetimes.

SoIamstuckwiththisaccidentthisgamecaused,andiamstuckwiththis"perception"the
accidentcaused,andIwanttobelieveitisamiracle,butattimesifeelitisacurse.

ThankYouforyourcompassionandUnderstandinginmymomentofdoubt.

143

SoIamtrappedinthisstateofmind.IseetheaccidentasamiracleandIseewithmyvisionand
feelothersandIunderstandwhathashappenedtomeisamiracle.AndIreadsentencesabout
anythingandunderstandthemandIampleasedwithwhatIunderstandandsoIamconvinced
whathappenedtomefromplayingthatvideogametomuchisamiracle.AndthensometimesI
seethingswithmyvisionandfeelthingIwishIneverwouldhavefeltandIreadthingsand
understandthingIwishIneverwouldhaveunderstood.AndsoattimesIfeelwhathappenedto
measaresultofplayingthatvideogametoomuchisacurse.Andsothishappensfromadayto
daybasis,fromonesentencetothenext.IamunabletotellifwhatIreadorwhatIseewithmy
visionwillmakemeunderstandingsomethingIwishIneverwouldhaveunderstoodor
understandsomethingIamgladIunderstand,untilafterthevisionorthereading.SoIam
trappedinaperpetualstateofmindwhereIfeelthisaccidentwasacurseandthenfeelitwasa
miracle,anditgoesonandonandneverstops.SoIamforcedtoquestionifIshouldnotjust
stopthinkingandstoplookingatthingsandstopreadingsentencesandstoplivingalltogether
becausethatistheonlypossiblewayIcanescapethistrapmymindisin.Soperhapssome
humanwillcomeupwithawordtodefinewhatthisissoIcanunderstandwhatthehellIam.IfI
canjustunderstandwhatthehellIamthenIhavefaithImaybeabletoundothisandescape
thistrapmymindisinandattheexactsametimeIunderstandIamunabletoeverescapethe
trapmymindisinandatthesametimetherenothingmoreintheuniverseIwanttodobutto
gobacktohowitwasbeforeandattheexactsametimeIknowIcannevergobacktohowIwas
before.SopleasesomeonetellmewhatIam,becauseIdonotknowandattheexactsametime
Idoknow.Iamliterallyonthefenceabouteverything.Iamunabletodecideifeverythingisa
curseoreverythingisamiracle.IamunabletodecideifGodhasblessedmeorIsimplyunlocked
mysubconsciousmindtotheextentitistheonlyaspectofmymindthatisleft.Iamonlyableto
functionusingasinglestrategy.Thesinglestrategyisjustbe.Donotfightwhatyouareanddo
notattempttodefinewhatyouare,justbewhatyouare,andletthechipsfallwheretheymay.I
perceivethatworksforme.

144


IamnotJewishbutifyouputaTorahinfrontofmeIwillexplainwhatitmeans.
IamnotaChristianbutifyouputtheBibleinfrontofmeIwillexplainwhatitmeans.
IamnotaMuslimbutifyouputaQuraninfrontofmeIwillexplainwhatitmeans.
IamnotaPhysicistbutifyouputatheoryinfrontofmeIwillexplainwhyitisalaw.
IamnotaBuddhistbutifyouputBuddhaswordsinfrontofmeIwillexplainwhattheymean.
Iamnotawriterbutifyouputawordprocessorinfrontofme,Iwillshowyouhowtowrite.
IamnotwealthybutIwillexplainwhatbeingrichis.
IamnotsmartbutIwillexplainwhatbeingwiseis.
IamnotproudbutIwillexplainwhathumilityis.
IamnotgreedybutIwillexplainwhatcharityis.
IamnotlustfulbutIwillexplainwhatchastityis.
IamnothatefulbutIwillexplainwhatcompassionis.
IamnothingbutIwillexplainwhateverythingis.
IamnoneofthosethingsandIamallofthosethingsatthesametime.
IamnotinhellbutIwillexplainwhatgnashingofteethis.

Theaccidentthathappenedtomefourmonthsagoessentiallyrenderedmewithoutemotions
andwithoutasenseoftime.
IsoughtthehelpofaneurologistandhesuggestedmyMRIandEEGshowednosignsofill
health.
HewentsofarastosuggestperhapsIaccidentlybecameenlightenedbroughtonbythe
accident.
Idonotseeitthatway.IonlyunderstandMypersonalityhaschanged,myperceptionofhowi
seetheworldnowhaschanged.

InthisnewworldofperceptionIaminIunderstandhowIwasbeforetheaccidentwasnotsight
andwasnotfound.
NowaftertheaccidentIunderstandwiththisnewperceptionIamabletoseeandIamfound.

Iunderstandnowthatnohumanbeingiseverwrongorright.Iunderstandtheyaresimplydoing
thebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstandingorperceptionofthesituationtheyarein.

Iamonlyabletohumblysuggest,IamwritingyoubecauseIperceiveorunderstanditisthe
properthingtodobasedonthesituationIamin.

IfyouperceiveIaminerrorIamunabletoargue.
IfyouperceiveIamdoingtherightthing,Iamunabletoargue.

Ifullyunderstandnowaftertheaccident,nomatterwhatyoudoinresponsetotheseemailsi
sendyou,itissimplythebestyoucandobasedonyourunderstanding.

145

IamunabletoholdagrudgeagainstanyonebecauseIunderstandnowtheyaresimplydoingthe
besttheycan.
IamunabletofindfaultinanyonebecauseI"see"andunderstandtheyaredoingthebestthey
can.

IamsimplydoingthebestIcantowriteinfinitebooksbecausethisnewworldofperceptioniam
insuggestsishouldsharewhatihaveaccidentlydiscoveredwithothers.

Idonotmeananyharmtoanyone.IamunabletofindfaultbecauseIunderstandeveryoneis
doingthebesttheycanincludingme.

IprefertobejustlefttomyowndevicesbecauseIseemtobecompelledtosimplywriteabout
theaccidentandwriteabouthowIseetheworldaroundmesincetheaccident.

Iamsomewhatonthefence.Iamunabletogoonewayoranothersoisimplygowiththeflow.
TheflowsuggestsineedtowritebooksbutIamunabletorememberwhatIwritesoijustget
thisfeelingthisbookisdonethenistarttheanotherbook.Iamunabletowaittoseehowthe
firstbookgoes,becauseiamfocusedonthesecondbookandnowthatoneispublishediam
alreadyreadytosubmitthethirdbookwhichisfinishedandsonowiamstartingthefourth
book.

OnemaysuggestIhavethetotalreverseofwritersblock,perhapsonemaysuggestIwritefarto
muchfartofast.SoImustbegowiththeflowinhopesthatthingswillworkout.

Ihavefaiththingswillworkout.

OneperhapsmaysuggestIamarabbitthatwshitbyacarcrossingtheroadfourmonthsago,
andastherabbitIamonlyabletounderstandIamunabletofightthepowerofthecarthathas
hitme.

ThelastthingirememberislookingupandseeingtheheadlightsofthecarandafterthatIhave
justbeenalongfortheride.

Iamawarethestrategyofthecarinitwaysisbeyondmyunderstanding.Iamawareofthe
strategybutIamunabletounderstandhowperfectitis.Theworldperfectwoulddishonorthe
strategyIsee.SoIamsimplyonlyabletosuggestthestrategyisbeyondmyunderstanding.

Idonoteventypeinanythingbutrealtime.ThisveryletterIwillputinmyfourthbookbecauseI
perceiveithasvalue.ItisalmostasifeverythingItype,althoughidonotknowwhatiamtyping
sotospeak,whenitistyped,Isay,Ahhhthatagoodsentence,throwthatinthebook.AndsoI
simplywriteyoutohelpmewritemynextbook.ThatistheonlywayIcanexplainit.Iamonly
functioninginrealtime,idoeverythingverbatimandmonologueishowIattempttounderstand

146

furtherorsomethingalongthoselines.SoitisnotreallyIamwritingyouinhopesofaresponse,
IamwritingyoubecauseIwascompelledtowriteyou,Idonotknowwhyiwas,Isimplydid.Ido
notknowwhatthiswillresultin,Ijustgowiththeflow,ifthecarsuggestsiwriteyou,Iwrite
you.IfthecarsuggestsipublishbooksandwriteinfinitebooksIdo.Therabbitisunabletofight
againstthepowerofthecar.Therabbitwantstoavoidthecarbuttherabbitisunabletofigure
outhowtoavoidthecar.Therabbitisunabletofigureouthowtobreakfreesotospeak.Sothe
rabbitisreducedtogoingalongfortheride...

SoImaybewritingyoumore,andpleasedbecompassionatewithmeandpatientwithme
becausethecarseemstodoasthecarwantstodo,andImeannoharmwithmymessagesto
you.Isimplyamunabletostopmyselfsotospeak.

Iamsimplyalittlerabbitwhoisunabletobreakfreeofthecarthathashitit.

EMAILTOSOMEONEABOUTSOMETHING

Sincetheaccidentmyabilitytotalkmyselfintothingsisonlyexceededbymyabilitytotalk
myselfoutofthings.

IwroteyoutoaskforhelpandnowIamconvincedIdonotneedhelp,sopleasehelpbecausei
willsimplykeeptalkingmyselfaroundincircles.
SendmeanythingyoucansothatIcantalkmyselfintoit.
AnythingyousendmeIwillbeabletotalkmyselfintothefactitisablessingandamiracle.
ThesimplefactIcaneventypewordsatallinthis"stateofmind"isinitselfamiracle.
ThesimplefactIcanevenformsentencesinanymeaningfulwayafterthisaccidentisamiracle
ofGod.

Mystateofmindisso"gone"aftertheaccident,itisamiracleofGodthatIamevenaliveatall.

ManyihavespokentosincetheaccidentsuggestIhavebeenblessedandIamunableto
mentallyevenfigureoutwhatthatmeans.

Iamhardlyabletowritewordssincetheaccident,itseemsasthoughIhaveforgottenhowto
formsentences.ItisbythegraceofGodthatievenfinishabook,andafurthermiracleIactually
publishthebook,andafurthermiracleIevenstartanotherbook.

ThebooklinkIsentyou,isproofofGodandproofofmiracles,becauseIassureyou,Ididnotdo
that.IdidnotwritethatbookIcertainlyneverknewasmuchasidonowbeforetheaccident,I
certainlydidnotwritebooksbeforetheaccident,thefactIhavetwobookspublishedsincei
startedwritingamonthago,ituntoitselfamiracleofGod.

147

ThesimplefactIhaveathirdbookthatisdoneapparentlyandreadytobepublishedisanother
MiracleofGoduntoitself.

MaybeIamwrongaboutallofthis,andmaybeitissomecursethatiamcompelledtowriteall
thesebooks,andmaybethebooksipublishedarecursesandevilandhateful.Iamunabletotell
becauseIhavenoemotionsaftertheaccident.Thatsallireallycansay,isthisaccidentrendered
mewithoutmanyemotions,soIcanteventellwhatisgoodorbadevilorblessed.

Iamawareiamwritingyoubutitiscomingoutinrealtime.Onesentenceleadstoanotherand
peoplewhoreadthesentencessay,ThatsmakessenseandIneversawitthatwaybefore...and
theysaythatoften,butIdonotknowthatiswhatIamdoing,Iamjustawaretheysaythatoften
towhatisay,butIdonotknowwhatiamgoingtosaybeforeisayit.

Iamhumbledintodysfunctionbythiscarthathashitmefourmonthsago.Iamunableto
functionIamunabletodoanythingitseems.IamunabletoexistasIusedtounderstand
existence.IamawareofwhatthatmeansandIamawareofwhatImustdoandIamawareof
whatimustgothrough,butIhavenoemotionalcapacitytocareorbeworriedorbescaredor
beconcernedaboutmyownsafety.

Soiamhelplessandvulnerable.
SoIwritetoyoubecauseIcannotfacethatrealitybutIknowIhavetofacethatreality.
ItistheonerealityIhopeIamwrongabout,butIamnotwrongaboutit.
Iimpressmyself50percentofthetimeandtherestofthetimeIattempttounderstandhowI
do.
WhenmyfontschangeitmeansIhadanaccidentandIamuncertainhowtounaccidentit.
Unaccidentisnotarealwordandneitheraretheotherones.
SomehowIamoutofdoublelinemodesoIwillcallitamiracleandgowiththeflow.
Ifyoureallywanttoreachsubconsciousdominatesimplyfindtheworsesongonyoutubeand
listentoituntilyouarehappywithit,thensimplylookforanotherone.Justkeeplookingforthe
worstsongsyoucaneverfindandwhenyoufindallthesongsarepleasingyoumadeit.Itisnot
rocketscience.Itissimplyselfcontrol.Whateveryoucantstandinliferuntoitanddanceinit.
Thenwhenyouarepleasedwithit,seekoutsomethingelseyoucantstand.Itissimilarto
punishingyourselfbutitinrealityisamiraclebecauseonedoesnothavetospendmoneyor
seekothershelp.Onesimplyhastopracticeitandgetgoodatdoingthingonesdoesnotwantto
do.Thatiswhatselfcontrolis.Itdoesnothavetobesomethingdifficult.Listeningtoasongyou
dislikeisnotdifficult.IhavemanysongsIusedtodislikeandnowIseemtotalkmyselfintoany
song.Iseemtolistentoasongandthink,Ididntlikeanythingaboutthatsong,butthemixwas
good,andthedrumswerenotbadandIkindoflikethegrooveandthevocalsaredecentand
wellIampleasedwiththissong,andithasnicemeaningsinthewordsandIactuallycantfinda
bettersonganywhere.SothenIgotoanothersong.Thethingaboutthatismusicianshavea
slightadvantagebecausemostmusiciansareneversatisfiedwiththeirmusicbecausetheyhave
somanyemotions.Thetrickformusiciansistomakeasongandiftheydislikeit,uploaditandlet

148

othershearitandthenreadthereviewsandblocktheemotions.Ifoneisunhappywiththere
bodywearsomethingthatshowsoffyourbodyandhavenofearaboutanything.Ifoneis
unhappywiththeirlooksbesureandenhancethoseareaswithmakeupsotheystickout.Avoid
hiding.Thereisnowheretohide.Thereisnowheretorun.Getusedtothingsthewaytheyare.
Theonlypersonwhoeverfeelsshameistheonewhoperceivesthereisshame.Thereisno
shame.Everyoneisexactlyhowtheyshouldbeandeveryonehasroomforimprovement.
Perfectioncanbeimprovedupon.Perfectionissimplyawordthatismisleading.Afloweris
perfectineveryway,yetaflowergenetically,overtimeevolvesintoamoreperfectflower.So
perfectionisrealandperfectioncanbeimprovedupon.Onecangoaroundsayingnothingis
perfect.Ifoneperceivesnothingisperfectthennothingwillbeperfect.Ifoneperceives
everythingisperfecttheneverythingwillbeperfect.Itissimplyamatterofconditioningaway
theseemotions.Theemotionsleaveonejudgmental.Itisnotaneasyroadtotravelbutatthe
endisaniceswimmingholdandthewaterispleasant.Therewardisattheendoftheroadandit
makesthetravelworththeeffortandthatisanunderstatement.Iamunabletomakeyoudo
anything.IamonlyabletosuggestsomehowIaccidentlylostmyemotionsbyplayingavideo
gamewaytolongandbecauseoftheclarityIfiguredouthowIdidit.Thatisthebottomline.
Ifyourreligiousgoreadaboutthereligionsyoudislikeandreadtheirreligioustextsuntilyouare
pleasedwiththem.Ifyoudislikeanotherpoliticalpartygostudyituntilyouarepleasedwithit.If
youareracistsgofindtheonesyouaremostracistsagainstinachatroomandtalktothemand
donottellthemwhoyouarebutyoutalkwiththemuntilyouarepleasedwiththem.Ifyou
dislikesomeonesorientationgoseekthemoutandtalkwiththemuntilyouarepleasedwith
them.Theruleofthumbiswhateveryoudislikethemostiswasyouaregoingtodanceinuntil
youarepleasedwithit.Whenyourunoutofthingsyoudislike,youwillhavesilencedemotions.
Itisnotamaybeorapossibly,itisreality.Nomatterwhoyouareifyoudislikeanythingno
matterwhatitis,youhavesomeconditioningtodo.Iseepeoplemakefunofothercountries
andthenthecrowdaudiencelaughs,IdecideIneedtowriteinfinitemorebooksthanIalready
amgoingtowrite.WhenIhearanyonesuggestthesekindofpeoplearebadorevil,IdecideIam
goingtowriteinfinitemorebooksthanIalreadyamgoingtowrite.Idonotcarewhatan
emotionalbasedbeingsthinksaboutanyotherbeingiftheyarespeakingbadlyofthatother
being,WhenIseepeopleinsultingotherbeingsforanyreasonIhavetoblockmyemotionsand
myangerbecauseifIdidnothaveselfcontrolcertainbeingswouldbethefirsttoknow.SoI
haveselfcontrolanditisnoeasytask.Somemayperceivegettingtothemoonishard,getting
tothemoonisnothingcomparedtoacceptingeveryoneastheyare.Doingtheimpossibleis
nothingcomparedtohavingcompassion,andunderstandingeverysinglebeingandcreatureis
simplydoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirunderstandingofthesituationtheyfindtheirself
in.Itisimpossibleforanyhumanbeingtomakeacaseagainstanotherhumanbeingifthatinitial
humanbeinghasnoemotionalcapacity.Thereasonforthatis,ifahumanbeinghasno
emotionalcapacity,thathumanbeingwillbeabletofeelthatotherhumanbeingwiththeir
vision.Theywilllookatanycreatureorhumanbeingandfeelthem,andtheywillbeso
humbled,aninsultwillnotbeallowedtobespoken,fromtheirmouth.Thatisfact.Ifyoudoubt
that,callme,andIwillconvinceyouitisfact.ThefirstfewmonthsafterthisaccidentIwas
unawareofthevision/feelingaspectbutnowaboutfourmonthout,itisperhapstostrong.I

149

perceiveitisbecausewhateverthataccidentdidsentmeintosucharapidprogressionthatIam
notreadyforit.Iperceiveothershavereachedthatstatebutperhapsitissogradualtheyslowly
noticeit.Itisnothocuspocus.Itisnotsomeunknownmystery.Itissimpleexplainablemedical
scientificreality.Iamuncertainhowtoproveitotherthanmeetingpeopleandbeingableto
suggesttothemwhatkindofpersontheyarefromaglancewhenIfirstmeetthemforthefirst
time.Itisfarbeyondthatalso.Thisvision/feelingaspectisnotthepinnacle.Iunderstandthe
mindreadingaspectisperhapsrelatedtoitormindreading,ESP,telepathyareallthesamething,
Theyareallapartofthepackage.Granted,IamearlyoninthissowhatIwillbewritingaboutit
inthenextbookwillbemorerevealing.IperceiveIamgoingveryfastinthisprogressionbutI
amawarethepersonItutoredinthegamealsoisgoingveryfast.Ilogontothegameandmy
wholechatscreenisfullofhimtalking.Iwentthroughthatstagealso,ofcourseIamwriting
infinitebooksso,soIamstillinthatprocess.Iamperhapsjustfurtheralongandheisgoingto
experienceexactlywhatIdid,soIjustsuggestthingstohim,andhefiguresitouthimself.Iam
awareImustnotattempttomakehimuptospeedwithme.Itisapersonalvoyage.Hewillbe
whereIamatrightnow,inabouttwomonthsIwouldguess.Thereasonforthisis,the
progressionsotospeakissofast,thatasingleday,onegoesthroughafewchangesmentally.I
amawarewhenIreadthesecondbook,orpartsofit,Iamtotallydifferentnow,butIamstill
pleasedwiththespiritofthesecondbook.IunderstandIseethingsdifferentlybutthegeneral
gistofthebooksarethesame.ThegeneralspiritIgetarethesame.Iperceivesomeonemay
readthesebooksbutIalsoperceiveIlearnmuchfromthem.Thepreviousbooksgivemesome
perspectiveofwhereIwasat.Iammentallyneveratthesameplaceforlong,infact,formore
thanaday.Attheendofeveryday,IunderstandIcannotpossiblyprogressanyfurtherandsure
enoughthenextdayattheendofthatday,Isaythesamething.ItislikeIamunabletonotbe
impressedwithmyownprogression.Idonotevenknowhowtoproveit.Maybethesebooks
proveitsome.MaybeeverythingIsayiswrongandnothingIsaymakesanysense.Theonething
Idoknowis,Iampleasedtogetmythoughtsonpaper.Iampleasedtopublishmyperceived
importantwordsandthatisessentiallythewholereasonIdoit.Iamjustpleased.Iamjust
pleasedtobealivetobeabletowritethesewords.Thatisasfarasitgoesforme.Iunderstand
themoreItypethemoreIlearnorprogresssoIprefertodomuchofit.

Arespectedpastor,bestsellingauthorandfounderofamajorministrytoteenspredictsan
imminent"earthshatteringcalamity"centeredinNewYorkCitythatwillspreadtomajor
urbanareasacrossthecountryandaroundtheworldpartofwhatheseesasajudgment
fromGod.WORLDNETDAILY.COM

150

IhavenosenseoftimeandnoemotionsduetoanaccidentrecentlysoI"see"orperceivethings
differentlysotospeak...OkaySomehowihavetelepathyanyway,hereiswhatisaw
Afterafewroundtheywenttotheotherguyscornerandhistrainersaidhowdoyoufeel,and
theguysaidnothingandthetrainersaidhowdoyoufeel..andtheguysaidnothingandIcould
"see"hewasthinking,Whatamisupposedtodo?Hewasthinking,howcanidoanythingifijust
keeprunningbackwards.Hewasthinking,Ididnotexpectafreighttrain...Thatiswhati"saw"
andthatwasafterjustafewrounds,andIknewitwasalloverbecauseIcould"see"thatguy
gaveup...hewasinshockwithwhatKirklandshowedhim...

I"saw"Kirklandunphasedbyanything..Kirklandappearstonothaveadefensebutthebest
defenseisagoodoffense.HesomehowistrainedbyWolftonotevenacknowledgebeinghit..I
understandWolfstrainingmethodistoput4guysintheringwithKirklandandhehastofighthis
wayoutsotospeak...Ifaboxeristrainedtofight3minuteroundshisbodywillbetiredin3
minutes.Ifboxeristrainedtofightoneotherboxerhewillseeoneotherboxerasachallenge,
butifaboxeristrainedtofight4guysatonce,oneguyisnothing...Ifeelthatiswhatweare
seeinghere.Kirklandmaygetko'deventually,butIdonotthinkitwillbefromhimbeingwore
down,Ithinkitwillbefromhimbeingko'dwithaflashknockout,thethingis,heisatrainand
nomatterwhohefights,ifthatguyisnttrainedthesamewayKirkland,thatguywillnotlastvery
long...

Iseethatguyhefoughtwasgoodandhadamomentofexchanginghardpunches,bothguys
werethrowinghard,butKirklandalmostthrivesonthat,heappearstogetbetterwhenheishit
hardandmostboxerstendtobackoff....SoKirklandissomethingoutoftheordinary..heis
unorthodoxbuttheguyhefoughtwasdevastated..ThatswhatIsaw,maybeafterroundthree
theguyhefoughtwasessentiallyinretreat,panicmode.Hewasbackpeddling.Iunderstandthe
guyhefoughtwasnoslouch,helookedtobeingoodshape,butKirklandisnotatypicalboxer,
heismorelikeamikeTysonwithoutalltheroundhousepunches.Kirklandappearstohaveshort
compactpunchesandthenfightslikeTyson..healmostdoesntcarewhatkindofpunchhe
throwsaslongaslongashekeepsthrowingthemandhittingwiththem,andwhenhemisses
thatishishintheneedstothrowmore...iseehimasundefeatable.
InoticedWolfdoesnottalkdowntohim,sheremindshimwhattodo,shedoesnotsay,dothis
ordothat,shesaid,youdonothavetogetintoabrawlwiththisguy,soshewasnotsayingdont
getintoabrawl,shewasremindinghimwhohewas,itsstrangebutwolfcameupfromthe
slumsandworkedherwaytothetop...likeBhop,andthesepeoplewhocomefromnothingand
reachthetophavesomesortofperspectiveormindsetthatnothingcanstandintheirway,andi
thinksheinstillsthatinKirkland...

Thereareonlytworeasonsforsports

Moneyandpeoplewhothriveonemotions
Theemotionispeople"enjoy"watchingotherssufferingandtheygettheirkicksfromit,itis
calledamasochism.

151

Thatwasadecentattempt.
Sillyaccidentandchangeofperception

Afriendofminesuggestedhewasdisillusionedwithreligion.
Hesuggestedhischurchwasdividedandinargumentsandputtingupwallsofisolationall
around.
Hesuggestedhewouldneverbeassociatedwithhischurchandhewouldratherputhischurch
behindhim.
Hethensuggestedtheonlyreasonhegoestochurchisbecauseheappreciatesthefellowship
withotherhumanbeings

IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhishumility,patienceandcompassion

Avoidattemptingtonamemebecauseyouareunabletodothatproperly.

Aministerfriendofminesuggestedhiscongregationdidnotseemtounderstandanyofhis
sermons
Hesuggestedtheonlyreasonheremainedaministerisbecauseonoccasionhewasconvinced
oneortworecognizedhismessage
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhispatienceandhumility

Afriendofminesuggestedhekepthisemailaddresspublicbuthereceivedmanymeaningless
messagesandwasconsideringhidinghisemailaddressfromthepublic.

Hesuggestedtheonlyreasonhekepthisemailpublicwashehadfaithonedayhewouldreceive
amessageofvalue.
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhisperseverance

Ateacherfriendofminesuggestedhewouldgiveupteachingandletthestudentswander
aimlesslybutheremainedinhopeshewouldreachoneofthemevenifthatonewashimself.
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhispatience.

152

Awriterfriendofminesuggestedhewantedtogiveuponwriting.
Hesuggestednooneboughthisbooksandnooneappreciatedhismessage.
Hesuggestedtheonlyreasonicontinuetopublishbooksistohelpmyself.
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhisunderstanding.

Afriendofminesuggestedhekepthisemailaddresspublicbuthereceivedmanymeaningless
messagesandwasconsideringhidinghisemailaddressfromthepublic.

Hesuggestedtheonlyreasonhekepthisemailpublicwashehadfaithonedayhewouldreceive
amessageofimportance
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhisperseverance.

Aministerfriendofminesuggestedhiscongregationdidnotseemtounderstandanyofhis
sermons
Hesuggestedtheonlyreasonheremainedaministerisbecauseonoccasionhewasconvinced
oneortworecognizedhismessage

IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhispatienceandhumility

Avoidattemptingtonamemebecauseyouareunabletodothatproperly.
Avoidattemptingtorespondtomebecauseyouareunabletodothatproperly.
Avoidattemptingtothinkbecauseyouareunabletodothatproperly.

Afriendofminesuggestedshewassufferingbecauseherfriendkilledhimself.
Shesuggestedhewasagoodpersonanddidntdeservetodielikethat
ShethensuggestedtheonlyreasonIdonotkillmyselfisbecausehisdeathhelpedme
understandthemeaningofcompassionandsacrifice
Shethensuggestedherfriendhadcourageandcompassionbeyondherunderstandingtodo
suchathing,justsoshecouldunderstandcompassionandsacrifice.

IsuggestedIwashumbledbyherperspectiveandunderstanding

153

Afriendofminesuggestedhewasdisillusionedwithreligion.
Hesuggestedhischurchwasdividedandinargumentsandputtingupwallsofisolationall
around.
Hesuggestedhewouldrathernotbeassociatedwithhischurch,andhewouldratherputhis
churchbehindhim
Hethensuggestedtheonlyreasonhegoestochurchisbecauseheappreciatesthefellowshiphe
haswithhisfriendswhoattendthechurch.
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhishumility,pateinceandcompassion

Afriendofminesuggestedhewasgoingtogiveuponfindinggodandallowgodtofindhim.
IsuggestedIwashumbledbyhislogic.

IamawareofwhoIam,youfocusonfindingoutwhoyouare.
Youonlylovethingsyoucankeepinline,thatswhyyouaregoingtothrowthatemotioninthe
pitwhereitcamefrom.

Idonotclaimthereisagodinmybook.
Idonotclaimthereisagodatall.
Isimplyunderstandbyblockingmyemotionsoveraperiodofthreemonthsilostmysenseof
timeandmyemotionalcapacityasaresultofdoingsomething,soididitbyaccident.

Iattempttotakeitbackfurtherandtheniunderstanditwascausedbysomethingidid15years
agoandthatleduptotheaccidentoffourmonthsago.
ThenitakeitbackevenfurthertoapointIwas3or4yearsoldandthatiswhatleduptothe
accidentoffourmonthsago.
ThenIunderstandIamunabletounderstandhowthisaccidentcameabout.

ThenIunderstandIamunabletoevenunderstandgodsways,soIamunabletohavefaithingod
becauseIamunabletoevenknowhiswayorunderstanditswaysorknowanythingaboutit.
SoifthereisagodIamtotallyunawareofhimandtotallyunawareofhispresence,becauseitis
beyondmyabilitytounderstand.
Thatissimplyhowitis...

Everythingintheuniversedidwhatitdid,sothatyoucouldreadthissentence.

Ionlygetvirusifilogontotheweb.Iinstalledthisonescanneranditessentiallymakesthe
computersoslowwithitsdetectionprogramsyoucantdoanything.Icametounderstandthe
onlythingworsethanthevirusarethevirusscanners.

154


Existingoroperatinginthemindbeneathorbeyondconsciousness:
Iampleasedwiththisexplanationofsubconscious.IexistbutIamunabletotellwhatIdo.Ido
thingswithoutactuallymeaningtoconsciouslydothem.Iunderstandthisconcept,Amaster
cansaythingswithoutsayingthingsanddothingswithoutdoingthings,isexactlywhatis
happening.IperceiveIamwritingthesebookstoexplaintopeoplewhathappenedtomeasa
resultofplayingavideogametoomuch,andIperceiveIamsimplyexplainingwhatIbelieveIdid
toachievethisstateofmindIaminnow.
Thatisnotwhatthisbookisaboutandthatisnotwhatisgoingtohappenasaresultofme
writingthisbook.Thatisjustwhatmyconsciousthinks.IlogintothegameandIdohunt,butI
mostlyhuntnowtokeepaneyeonthisoneItutoredonhowtomasterthegame.Iam
interestedinseeinghowheisprogressing.HeisbecominglikemeandIamcurioustohearwhat
hesayssoIamabletogetperspective.

Heisamirrorimageofme.HereachespointexactlyasIdid.Heisgoingthroughtheexactsame
awakeningIdid.Ididnothaveanyonetowatchovermestospeak,soIhadtodoitthehard
way,allalone.Thatistheonlydifference.Iamcarefultoavoidtellinghimtoomuch,I
strategicallysuggestthingsandIunderstandhewillworkitoutbyhimself.Iammindfultoavoid
sayingthingsthatothersmayperceiveasarrogant.
IammindfuleverythingIsayinanyofmybooksissimplythetruthasIperceivethetruthafter
thisaccident.IdonotperceivethingsIsayarearrogantIperceivethingsIsayaretruth.Iam
awareoneswithemotionsmayperceivewhatIsuggestistruth,isarroganttosuggest.Iperceive
whetherIspellawordproperlyoruseacommaproperlymakesnodifferencebecausetheend
resultofthesewordsorofthesebookswillbethesame.
IunderstandIcanwrite10booksabouthowIunlockedsubconsciousandthatiswhatthis
accidentis,andthenontheverylastpageofthetenthbookIwouldrealizeactuallyIunlocked
God.ThenIwouldwritetenbooksaboutGodandthenontheverylastpageofthetenthbookI
wouldunderstandIamthemessiahandthesecondcoming.Thenonthelastpageofthetenth
booksdiscussingthat,Iwouldunderstand,Isimplyjustconditionedmyemotionsawayanddid
reallyunlocksubconsciousorGodandIamnotthesecondcomingoramessiah.
ThenonthelastpageofthetenthbookdiscussingwhyIamnotallofthosethingsIwould
understandIactuallyamtheBuddhaoftheageandIamsimplyattemptingtoexplainatruthI
havediscoveredbyaccident.
ThenonthelastpageofthetenthbookdiscussingthatIwouldunderstandIsimplyamahuman
being,andsomethinghappenedasaresultofmeaccidentlyblockingmyemotionsforaperiodof
threemonthsinmyquesttomasteravideogame.
ThenonthelastpageofthetenthbookdiscussingthatIwouldunderstandthiswasnotan
accidentatall.
ThenIwouldneedtowritetenbooksonwhatiswhatnotanaccident.Thentenbooksonwhat
itwasamiracleandthentenbookonwhyitwasacurseandthentenbooksonwhyinreality
afteralltheevidencehasbeendiscusseditwasjustanaccident.

155

Iunderstandthiscycleissimplyasymptomofwhathashappenedtome.Whathashappenedto
meisnotdescribable.Itisbeyonddescription.Itisbeyondmyabilitytofullydescribe.I
understandIamonlyabletoattempttodothebestIcantodescribeit,butIamfullyawareI
neverwillbeabletodescribeit.

Iunderstandthatisnoreasonformetogiveupattemptingtodescribeit.Iunderstandthisisa
strongpointbecauseIunderstandIhavemuchtowrite.Ihavejobsecurity,ifyouwill.Iam
mindfulIdonothavetimeforfunandpleasureandmoneyandpopularitybecauseIunderstand
Iamunabletofullywriteenoughwords.
IunderstandImustattempttowriteduringeverypossiblemomentIamalive.IammindfulIwill
neveraccomplishwritingenoughaboutthisaccidentandthesymptomsoftheaccidentandthe
symptomsofthethingsIperceiveasaresultoftheaccident.ButIunderstandImustattemptto
dothatandIunderstandIwillsimplydothebestIcan.Iamunabletofailtoexplainsomething
thatisunexplainablebecauseIunderstandIwillsimplydothebestIcantoaccomplishan
impossibletask.IammindfulthereasonIamunabletoformsentencesproperlyafterthe
accidentisbecauseInolongerfocusondetail.IunderstandifItypeenoughwordsorenough
letterstoformthewordthatmakesupthesentenceIamattemptingtocreatetomatchthe
spiritofwhatIamattemptingtosuggest,itlooksrighttome.Iunderstandthischangeof
perceptioncausedbyplayingthatvideogamefartoomuchsimplyeliminatedmyabilitytofocus
ondetailsandallIamleftwithistheabilitytogetthespiritofthingssotospeak.Iunderstand
whenIlookatpeopleorcreaturesIamunabletofocusontheirsuperficialdetailsbecauseIam
toooverwhelmedwiththespiritIgetfromthem,sotospeak.
Iunderstandthecomment,Thedevilisinthedetails.,issimplysuggesting,thedetailsenable
onetojudgesomethingandifoneavoidsjudgingsomethingtheyonlyseethespiritof
something.Iunderstandwhenonelooksatthewholeofsomethingortheoverallpictureof
something,theywillbeunabletofindfaults,butwhenonefocusesonminordetails,the
faultsareendless.
Iunderstandwiththisperception,Iamunabletolookattheworldandfindfaults.Iamunable
tolookatthehumanraceasawholeandfindfault.Iamunabletolookatanyhumanbeingor
creatureasawholeandfindfaults.Iamunabletofindanyfaultswithanythingbecausethis
perceptionadjustmenthasmadeitsoIamonlyabletoseethespiritorthewhole,andIamno
longerabletoseethedetails.IunderstandmyEEGshowedmygammawaveswerejustslightly
elevatedsothisaccidentalblockingofemotionssimplyadjustthegammawavesslightlyfroma
detailfocusedperceptiontoaspiritorwholefocusinperception.
Iunderstanditwasnotsomemajorshiftinmygammawaves,butmedicallyjustaslightshift.I
understandnowwhythemonksIspoketoearlyonaftertheaccidentstoppedrespondingtome.
TheyknewwhoIwasorwhoIambecauseofthenatureoftheaccident.TheyknewbeforeIdid.
InowunderstandthelineIusedinmyearlierbook,IamthefirsttosuggestIamwrongandthe
lasttounderstandIamnot.

IunderstandIhavemorefaithinfreedomofspeechthananyoneontheplanetatthispoint.

156

Ithought.
Ijustthought
Ijustthoughtyouwere.
Ijustthoughtyouwereideal.
Ithought.
Ithoughtyouwere.
Ithoughtyouwereideal.
Ithoughtyouwereidealtohate.
Ithoughtyouwere,Idealtohate.
Ithoughtyouwere,Idealinhate.

SincenooneelsehasaviablesolutiontotheeconomycollapseIwillthrowinmytwocents.First
gearuptheagricultureindustryandthewatertreatmentindustry.Encouragefarmersand
encouragefoodgrowingtechnology.Createincentivesforfarmerstogrowasmuchfoodas
possibleandencouragepeoplewhowanttobefarmerswithtaxbreaksandloanstoget
equipmentandbuylandtofarm.Encouragewaterplantsandencouragethemwithincentives
andloanstobuildmorewaterplants.
Oncethereisanabundanceoffoodandwaterthemostimportantaspectistakencareof.The
governmentwillthencreateaprogramtoenableeachcitizentogetanallowanceoffoodand
waterforfree.Thiswillencourageotherindustriesthatwilltruckthefoodandwaterandthiswill
betaxdollarswellspent.
Sothegovernmentwillbeavehicleforthedistributionoffreefoodandwatertoallthecitizens.
Anyextrafoodacitizenwantstheycanthenbuyatthestores.Thiswilleliminatetheneedfor
citizenstostealandrobjusttogetfoodandwater.Onceeveryoneisfed,everyonewillhavean
opportunitytothinkclearlyandwithoutpanicastowhattheywanttodo.

Citizenswhodonotdesiretotakethefreefoodandwaterwouldbeabletooptoutofthatand
theywouldbeconsideredcharitable.Thisfoodaspectmustalsoincludedairyandmeatfarming
considerations.
Thiswillenableanentireindustryjustgearedtowardssustainingthepopulation.Thiswill
eliminatecitizensgoinghungry.Thiswillenablethecitizenstothinkclearlybecausetheywillnot
beinapositiontohavetomakechoicestheymayregretbasedontheirneedstohavefood.
Thiswillassisttheminfocusingonimportantthingssuchaswhatprofessiontheydesireto
attemptandthiswillalsoshowtheworldaproperexampleofwhatacountrycanachieveifthey
puttheirmindstoit.
Onceonereachesthestageoffullyunlockingtheirunconsciousmindaspectandtheyfully
understandtheyhavedoneso,andtheyfullyunderstandwhattheyare,andtheyfully

157

appreciateajobwelldone,andtheyfullyappreciatethemountaintheyhaveclimbedtoget
there,theynolongersleep.

Therenolongerisneedtosleep.Therenolongerisreasontosleep.Notfiguratively,nolonger
needtosleepinthedefinitionofthewordsleep.Onenolongerdesirestogotosleepbecause
onenolongergetstiredandthusonenolongerhastosleep.Sleepissimplyasymptomonehas
notfullyunlockedtheirsubconsciousaspect.IfullyunderstandIamnotspecial.Ifully
understandIamnotaspecialcasebecauseInolongersleepmuch.IunderstandInolongersleep
becauseIhavefullyletgoofemotions.Iunderstandanyhumanbeingonthefaceoftheearth
whoconditionsawayfromemotionsfullywillnolongerneedtosleepmuch.
SleepingwasalltheproofIneededtounderstandIhadtoomanyemotions.

Iunderstandwhenonenolongersleepstheyhavetheperfectamountofemotions.Iam
humbledbyyourefforts,andIamhumbledbyyourcompassionandhumility.Iamhumbledby
theleastamongyouasIamhumbledbythegreatestamongyou.
ThemoreIsufferthemoreIunderstandsufferingisnotsuffering.TheweakerIamthestronger
Iget.IgetwhatIam,IamwhatIget.

Avampirecannotseeitselfinthemirror.Thefirstsymptomofsufferingisluxury.Thefirst
symptomofluxuryisignorance.
Thelastsymptomofignoranceisunderstandingoneisnotignorant.

Compassionisachievedwhenoneunderstandstheyarenotcompassionate.Clarityisan
indicationoneisconfused.Confusionisanindicationoneisnot.Ifonemasterscompliments,
theymightgiveone.Thelastthingyoushoulddoisthefirstthingyoumustdo.Ionlyseeyou
whenI'mdelusional.Ifyoureadthissentencethatprovesyoudidn't.Stalkingisthehighestform
offlattery.Ifyourenotgodthatprovesyouare.IfyoudefinelivingthatprovesIcantmakeone.
Ifthepathisdefineditprovesonewillneverfindit.Theonlyoneswithpoweraretheoneswho
dontneedany.
Ifyouneedteachingsyoulearnednothing.Ialwaysbreakevenatlying.Iaccidentlytypeevery
wordonpurpose.Thepitofinsanityisfullofblindvipers.
ItseasytobeastupidBuddhistbecauseitsimpossibletobeagoodone.
IfyouthinkBuddhawasagoodBuddhistthatproveswhatkindofBuddhistyouare.
TheonlythingChristianswithemotionalcapacityproveisthattheyarenotChristians.

Perhapsyoushouldavoidswimminginthedeepwaterssinceyoucantevenswimontheland.
Blessedarethepoorinspiritfortheyshallseegodandthentheywillwanttokillmefortelling
themthat.
Everysentenceinthisbookisalieexceptthisone.
Themeekshallinherittheearthandthenleaveit.Perhapsitshardertobeyourselfthannot.I
justfiguredsomethingoutbutIamkeepingittomyself.
Youcantuseyourcalculatorwithyoursnorkelon.

158


Theonlythingyouknowforsureaboutme,is,youdontknowanythingforsureaboutme.

Thelightappearsasdarknesstothelight.Thedarknesshatesthelight.Thelightacceptsthe
darknessforwhatitis.Thedarknesscannotunderstandthelight.Thelightunderstandsthe
darknessforwhatitis.
Thelittlerabbitwhoishitbythecarcanonlygowherethecartakesit.
MyinfinitewrathpotentialgotmeacartonofcigarettesinhopesIcouldweanmyselfoffof
themandtheyarecalledAustinGoldsandattwentydollarsacartonIfullyunderstandbefore
evenopeningthem,theywillbeeverythingintheuniversebutgold.
Nowthatspredictingthefutureatahighlevelofcompetence.Ijustwishpeoplewouldhave
justexplainedwhathappenedtomebecauseofmyaccident,soIcouldhaveunderstoodthereis
nothingIcandoaboutitsooner.
MyonlyregretisIhavenoregretsIamabletodoanythingabout.
Isaiah58:8,"Thenyourlightwillbreakoutlikethedawn,Andyourrecoverywillspeedilyspring
forth;Andyourrighteousnesswillgobeforeyou;ThegloryoftheLORDwillbeyourrearguard.
isanicewayofsaying,Iamdoomed.Thatcameoutwrongwhichmeansitwasonpurpose.

Littlechildren,itisthelasthour.Justasyouheardthatanantichristiscoming,sonowmany
antichristshaveappeared.Thisishowweknowitisthelasthour.

IbecameawareofthispersonalitychangeonOct31sttheLASTdayofthemonth.theLAST

Ofcourseiappearasabeingoflight,thatisproofIamnotabeingoflight.
Myveryfirstconclusionaftertheaccidentduetothedateithappenedwasthatsomehowa
demongrabbedme....ofocurseItalkedmyselfoutofthatandnowIsuggestIamabeingof
light....
ThatisstrictlyanaccidentIamcertain.Iamgoingtoassumethisisjustanotherskinonthe
onionIampeeling.Iamjustgoingtoassumethisissimplyanillusioncausedbymyperception
change.IamjustgoingtoassumeIamwrongaboutthisunderstanding.Iamjustgoingto
assumeIamwrongabouteverythingfromnowon,Ignorancewasbliss.

TheOneforminglightandcreatingdarkness,Causingwellbeingandcreatingcalamity;Iamthe
LORDwhodoesallthese.
Thatprettymuchsumsitupforme.Buddhasuggestedtheillusionsaremostconvincingatthe
topofthemountain.IdontknowwhyIsaidthat.ThenitsagoodthingIsaidthat.Itsnotso
easytomakeadecisionthatmatters.
Theywillknowthetreebyitsfruitsbecausethetreecan'tseeitsfruits.Itinyboatdoesnot
knowabigwavehitituntilitunderstandsitisnolongeronthesurface.
Ifyouteachmeeverythingyouknowtheniwillunderstandeverythingtoavoid.
Yourinsightisonlysurpassedbymyignorance.DonttakeitpersonalbecauseIwasnttalkingto
anyone.

159

AslongasIstayonthebottomthebigwavecantsinkme.
IfIcanfigureoutwhatarestrainingorderis,itwontbesorestraining.
Everyonehasanintellectualweaknessandonceinawhilesomeoneaccidentlyfindstheirs.
Natureisthescientistwhorunstheexperiment.

Onesintheexperimentareunabletoknowwhatthescientistsmotivesfortheexperimentare.
Onemaysuggestagaypersonisbadbutinrealitythatoneisunabletoknowifnatureisnot
experimentingwithsextoseeifperhapsitisbesttomakehumanasexual.
Sotheoneintheexperimentnatureisrunninghasnowayofknowingwhatonearththe
scientistisshootingforwiththeexperiment.

Theonlythingoneintheexperimentcanhopeforistoplayalongandactnaturalsothe
scientistscangetagoodindicationiftheexperimentispanningoutornot.Onemaysuggest
heterosexualreproductionisproper.Butitisveryobviousasexualreproductioncutsoutthe
needforalltheequipmentrequiredtopulloffheterosexualreproduction.

Firstnaturehastopersuadethecoupletheylikeeachother.Thattakesmuchworkandmuch
brainmanipulationandthatrequiresmanychemicalstopulloff.Thennaturehastomakesex
organs.Thennaturehastomakereproductionaspects.Thennaturehastomakeallthatcome
togetherjustinordertohaveaslightchancethefemalemightgetpregnant.

Andthenifbysomemiracleofgodshedoes,shemostlikelywillonlymakeoneoffspring.Thats
aprettyflimsysetupandIunderstandthereismuchroomforimprovementinthatreproduction
strategy.
ItisnotthatIthinkreligionisanabomination,itisjustiunderstanditis.
ItisnotthatIthinkreligionisisolation,itisjustIunderstanditis.
ItisnotthatIthinkIwilldestroyitall,itisjustIunderstandIwill.

ItisnotIthinkthosetwobooksalonewilldestroyitall,itisjustIunderstandtheywill.
ItisnotIthinktwobooksisenough,itisjustIunderstandinfinitebooksisnotenough.
DonottakeitpersonalIamgoingtorobeverythingyoustandfor.
Donottakeitpersonal,IamgoingtotellyouupfrontbeforeIdoit.
DonottakeitpersonalthelastthingyouwillrememberiswhoIam.
DonottakeitpersonalIamaddingthisveryposttomythirdbook.
Donottakeitpersonalreaderswillattempttofigureoutwhothisemailwassentto.
Thatwillbeourlittlesecret.

IperceiveIamlikeachildwhodoesnotgethisway.
Iperceivethemorethechilddoesnotgethiswaythemoreupsetthechildbecomes.
Iperceivethechildwilldestroyitselfifthechilddoesnotletgoofgettingwhatitwants.
IperceivethatisexactlywhatIshouldstrivefor.

160


Whynaturewantshumanstoprocreateatallisbeyondmyunderstanding.Naturecertainly
doesnotcareifhumansgetpleasurefromsex.

Femalescertainlydonotgetpleasurefromlabor.Somefemalesevensuggesttheworstthing
theyeverdidwashookupwithamale.

Perhapsnatureisexperimentingsoitwillcometoanunderstandingthelastthingitwantsisfor
humanstoprocreate.Perhapsnatureissimplyattemptingtofigureoutawaytostophumans
fromprocreatingsoitinventedsexandapparentlyitisontosomething.

Natureisnotinterestedincuddlingaftersex.Natureisnotinterestedinpleasurefromsex.The
humansinvolvedinsexareinterestedinthosethingsbutthatisjustasymptomofthestateof
mindtheyarein.
Theyareunawaretheyareinanexperiment.Thefactaguycanhardlyhavesexmorethan5
minutesonaverageisasymptomsexisjustanillusion.
Naturedoesnotwantaguytohavesexanylongerthanamanhasto.Natureispleasedtohave
10secondsex.Itperhapsisshootingfor10secondsex.Nowhumanscangetallexcitedabout
sexandattempttomakeitlastaslongaspossible,butmenarefullyawareaslongaspossible
islessthanaminute.Womenassumeaslongispossibleisatleast15minutesbuttheyare
comingtoanunderstanding15minutesisasking14minutestomuch.
Iwanttobelievesexandromanceissomeawesomemiracleoflife,butIunderstandthatis
simplyanillusionnaturehastrickedthebrainwithtotrickhumansintohavingsextoprocreate.
Natureisverytricky.Itapparentlytrickedusatleastsixbilliontimesinthelast100years.Iplan
onbeingsomethingbutfirstIhavetocomeupwithaplantodothat.

Iamattemptingtoworkonaplantoplanonworking,anditshouldworkifIhaveagood
workingplan.
IattempttoavoidplansincaseIhaveone.
Ilearnthemostwhenthepainwasthegreatest.
Thelastthinganyonewantstodoissomething.IunderstandthegreatestmysteryaboutJesusis
thesimplefacthecouldhaveescapeddeathatthehandsofothers.
IunderstandJesusdidnotgetkilledbyothers,inreality,heallowedotherstokillhim.
InrealityJesusdidtheonethingnosanepersonwouldeverdo.
Jesusturntheothercheekonhisownphysicallifeandinturnsavedhisownspirituallife,
maybe.
AlthoughfewwouldevergraspwhatJesusreallydid,IfullyunderstandJesuscommittedsuicide.
Iwillexplainitbecauseyouareunabletounderstandthat.Jesuscouldhavetalkedhiswayout
ofbeingkilledeasily.Hecouldhavedonemanythingstoavoidbeingkilledatthehandsof
others.Noonewasresponsibleforhisdeathbuthimself.

161

Hecouldhaveavoidedhisdeathbutinsteadhejumpedrightintothefire.Atypicalhumanbeing
isunabletoevenfathomthatconcept.NotonlydidJesussay,Thosewhotrytosavetheirself
willlosetheirself.,hewentonestepfurtherandshowedushowitisdone.
Atypicalhumanbeingisunabletoeverevenfathomwhathedid.Atypicalhumanbeingis
unabletoeverfathomwhatcourageandcompassionittookforahumantobeinasituationthey
couldsavetheirownlife,buttheydecidedagainstit.
Youmaynevereverinallofyourlifeunderstandwhatittakesforapersontoaccomplish
somethinglikethat.Itisveryeasytosaywords,itisanothermatteralltogethertoputthewords
intopractice.
Isntthatfunny.IsntthatfunnythattheonlytrueChristiansaredead.
AnyonewhoisaliveiscertainlynotagoodChristian.Theymaysuggesttheyare,butthenthat
provestheyarenot.AllthatproveswhentheysuggesttheyareagoodChristianisthattheyare
goodatnotunderstandingwhatJesustaught.IdonotrememberthatJesusdidmuchstuttering.
ItperhapsisbettertoavoidsuggestingyouareaChristianifyouarestillalive.Iamawareit
soundsdefeatist.Iamawareitsoundscrazy.Iamawareturningtheothercheekwhensomeone
hitsyouiscrazytalk.ButthatisjustwhatIperceive.
Thatdoesnotmeanitiscrazytalk.Ifoneperceivesturningtheothercheekiscrazytalk,in
realityallthatprovesisonewhoperceivesthatisinfactcrazy.
Isntthatfunny.Perhapsitisbestforthesakeofeveryone,thatwealljustslowlystarting
burningallreligioustextsinsecrecy.Therealityis,ifthereligioustextsintheirownspecialway
suggestweshouldallkillourselvesthenthelastthingweashumanswanttodoispromotethe
texts.TheTorahsuggeststhoushallnotkill.Whatthatmeansisifsomeonetriestokillyou,allow
themto.Thatscrazytalk.
Themeekshallinherittheearthsuggestsifoneisattackedallowittocontinueandbemeek
aboutit.Besubmissiveabouttheattack.Thatscrazytalk.
IsubmitIamwayoffbaseandthiscannotpossiblybetrue.Certainlysomeonemisunderstood
whattheseprophetssuggested.Iwillbepleasedifsomeonepointsouttomewhatthemeek
shallinherittheearthreallymeansis,thearrogantshallinherittheearth.Iwillbepleasedif
someonepointsouttome,Thoushallnotkillreallymeans,Thoushallkill.Iwillbepleasedif
someonepointouttome,turntheothercheek,reallymeansdonotturntheothercheek.Iwill
bepleasedifsomeonepointsouttome,submittogodreallymeansdonotsubmittogod.Iwill
bepleasedifsomeonecorrectsmesothatIcanadjustmyperspectiveonallofthis.Iwouldbe
humbledtounderstandIhaveitallwrong.IwillbeblessedtounderstandIhaveitallwrong.
Irecallapoliticalfiguresuggestedfreedomisnotasuicidepact,Iwouldliketohumblyremind
him,heiscorrect,onlythereligionhebelievesinisasuicidepact.Theonlysanepeoplein
westerncivilizationaretheatheistsbecauseatleasttheyopenlydenythesuicidepactreligion
suggests.
Anyonewhoclaimstobeapartofthosereligionsaresimplyindenialaboutwhatthereligions
say.Nomatterwhatanyreligiouspersonsaysaboutthebigthreereligionsinthewesternworld.
Nomatterwhattheyeversay,iftheydonotsuggestthereligions,intheirownspecialway,
suggestoneshouldsubmittobeingkillediftheopportunityarises,theyonlyprovetheyhear
thewordbutdonotunderstandtheword.

162

Andinperspectivewealreadyknowthatswhatsomebodysaidwouldhappen,andthatiswhat
ishappening,soweunderstandtheonewhosaidthat,wasafairlygoodpredictoroffuture
events.Thatisfunny.Iwillattempttoavoidreligionfornowinmyattempttoliveindenialabout
whatIfullyunderstand.

Onemaysuspectblockingemotionstoreachclarityisadifficulttask.Perhapsitislessdifficult
foroneswhoareinclinedorareindifficultsituationsnaturally.Thehandicappedforexample
whoareinwheelchairsorwhoareblindorwhoaredeaf.Theyhavemanyemotionstoblock.
Theyhaveperhapsalottobeemotionalabout.IcanimagineifIwasinawheelchairallmylife
andwaslookingatpeoplewithlegsthatwork,walkingaroundallday,Iwouldhavemany
emotionstoblock.Iunderstandthatiswhythehandicappedareonlyhandicappedifthe
definitionofhandicappedmeansfarsuperiortoeveryoneelseintheirabilitytohavemany
emotionstoblock.
Iunderstandifablindpersonblockstheiremotionstounlocksubconscioustoenablethe
telepathyaspecttheywillbeabletosee,intherespecttheywillbeabletofeelothersandwill
notneedactualvisiontoaccomplishit.

Iunderstandthedeafiftheyreachthistelepathystagefromblockingtheiremotionswillbe
abletohearwithoutactuallyneedinghearing.
Iunderstandthosewithoutlimbsoncetheyunlockthetelepathyaspectwillnolongerneed
limbstowalkbecausetheywillbedoingmuchmorethanwalking.
Iunderstandtheonlyoneswhowillbehandicappedaretheoneswhodidnotblocktheir
emotionsproperly.
Iunderstandtheywillbeatthemercyofthesea,sotospeak.IassumeyouknowwhatImeanby
thesea.NowyouareawarewhythelastthingIwantanyhumanonthisplanettodoisreadmy
books,buymybooks,understandmybooks.Itmightgetalittlemessyifpeoplestartdoingthe
thingsmybookssuggest.
Iamracistagainstpeoplewhoareracistagainstracists.AftertheaccidentIwascompelledto
writebooksbutIfoundIcouldnt,sothenIwrotemusicandfoundoutIcant,sonowImjust
tryingtofigureoutallthethingsIcantdo.

Humanbeingshaveonecharacteristicsthatdestinesthem.Humanbeingsadapttoanything
whichmeanshumanbeingsareinstateofflux.Translatedthatmeansifhumanbeingsarenot
changingatalltimesessentiallythatindicatestheyarenotadaptingandarenotactuallybeing
whattheyare,whichishumanbeings.

Humanbeingsadaptandthuschange.Humanbeingsarenotsupposedtorestontheirlaurels.
Itisnotwhathumanbeingsarehereforornotwhathumanbeingsareforornotwhatmakes
humanbeings,humanbeings.
Sotheonethingallhumanbeingsarebestatisadaptationandthuschange.

163

Sothelastthinghumanbeingseverwanttodoisgetintoasituationorgetintoacycleof
stagnationbecausehumanbeingsdonotdowellinacycleofstagnation,theydobestinacycle
ofchangeoradaptationwhichiswhyhumanbeingsareknownforbeingverygoodatadapting.
SomeonemayarguethatpointandIwelcomeitsothatperhapsIwilladaptmypointand
perhapschangemypoint,becauseasahumanbeingthatiswhatIambestat.
Sothewordhumanbeingneedstobeclarified.Thewordhumanbeingreallymeansaspecies
thatadaptsandchangescontinuously.Soonewhodoesnotembracechangeforthesakeof
adaptionisperhapsnotlivinguptotheexpectationsofthespeciestheyareapartof,perhaps.
Itperhapsisnotevenpossibleforahumanbeingtostagnate.Evenahumanbeinginajailcellin
totalisolationadaptsandthuschanges.Evenahumanbeingonadesertedislandadaptsand
thuschanges.Evenahumanbeingwhotriestostagnateeventuallyendsupadaptingtoand
changingintheattemptstostagnate.Perhapsstagnationitselfdoesnotevenexist,itsimplyisa
wordthatisleftintheeyeofthebeholder.

IwillhumblyremindthereaderIsimplyhadanaccidentasaresultofplayingavideogametoo
muchanditperhapschangedmyperceptionandIamsimplyattemptingtocommunicatehowI
seethingsnow.IwillhumblysuggestIamunabletoseeanythingthatIhavediscussedasbeing
wrongorbadorrightorgood,IsimplyunderstandeverythingisforreasonandthatisasfarasI
amabletogowithmydeterminations.

IfIfigureoutwhotospell,thenperhapsitwillleadtomefiguringoutwhattospell,andthen
leadtofiguringouthowtospell.

PerhapsifIamtheantiChristasaresultoftheaccident,andIgetstrongerfromconversation,it
perhapswouldbewiseforonetoavoidspeakingwithme,toavoidmakingmeperhapseven
stronger.Perhapsiftheworldagreestomakeconversationillegalthenperhapseveryonewillbe
safeifIamperhapswhatIsuspectImaybe.

Inachatroomdiscussionsomeonemadethisremark.
<@Area51>ithasnothingtodowithintuition,quitbeingadramaqueen

IampleasedwiththiscommentbecauseIunderstandIperhapsappeartobesuchaqueen.SoI
ampleasedthatIhaveprogressedandunderstoodImayappeartobethingstoothersalthoughI
donotappeartobesuchaqueentomyself.Basedonthelawofrelativitywhatarea51
suggestedisrightandmyperceptionIamnotaqueenofthatflavorisalsorightattheexact
sametime,andalsowearebothwrongattheexactsametimeandsobothobservationscancel
eachotheroutandwhatisleftisanullsetoranemptysetoratruevacuum.
Iunderstandhiscommentallowedmetoprogressinmyunderstandingaboutthelawof
relativity.SoIunderstandwhatappearedtobeaninsultorperhapsemotionsinhim,inreality
wasanopportunityformetoprogressinunderstanding.

164

IunderstandifIsayonewordIwillbelikeaParanawithhemophiliaandifIknewhowtospellI
would.
PerhapsIwillunderstand,Ishouldnotbesounderstanding.IunderstandIwalkintothechat
roomswiththehottestcoalsandIperceivelikesattractlikesbutIunderstandoppositesattract.

ItperhapsitiswiseIdonotmentionhernameisMarybecauseperhapsthatwouldperhapsring
fartoomanybellsandperhapswouldbecounterproductivetomyeffortstoremainonthe
fence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISrcAb5eKPQ

Perhapstheadvancedexperimentersaftermanyyearsofexperimentingdiscoveroppositesdo
notattractandcometotheunderstandinglikesattract...oratleastitsbesttoavoid
experimentingalltogether.Perhapsexperimentsonlyleadtofurtherexperiments.Ineedtorun
moreteststoverifythat.

Pleasebepatientwithme,IamattemptingtodothebestIcan.

Ijustreadastoryaboutaguywhocuthiswifesheadoffthedayshefiledfordivorceandgota
restrainingorderagainsthim.
ManywillsuggestitisbecauseofonethingoranotherbutIfullyunderstanditisbecausethat
manhademotions,andifitistheonlythingIdoinalloftheuniverseIwillcontinuetowrite
booksandmakemusicandattempttoreachsomeonebecauseIperceivethereisnothingmore
importantinalltheuniversethantosuggestonecanconditionawaytheiremotionsandunlock
theirsubconsciousavoidthesufferingemotionsenable.
Ipraythatoneswillunderestimatemyresolve.IprayIwillunderestimatemyresolve.Oneday
youwillunderstandwhyIsaywhatIsay.Onedayyouwillunderstandwhenyoulookatanother
humanbeing,thebodysonlyresponseistearsbecauseitisunabletocomprehendthebeauty.
OnedayyouwillunderstandifIamhumbledbyanything,itisyou.
OnedayyouwillunderstandwhatIdoisnotformysakebutbecauseofyourbeauty.

Americaisthebeaconoflightintheworldofcountries.Americaisthehomeofthefree.America
hasaburdentobeaproperexampletoeverycountry.EverytimeAmericamakesanothergunor
trainsanothersoldierordevelopsanotherweaponofmassdestructionittellstheworld,donot
followourexampleforweareabadexampleandwearedarkness,weareconfusion,weare
hate,wearenotonetofollowtheexampleof.
Americahastowakeupandattempttobuild1lessbulletandtrainonelesssoldierandcreate
onelessweaponofdeath,andthenattempttoimprovethattrend.Andtakethematerialthey
usedtomakethatstuffandbuildafarmingtooltogrowfoodtofeeditscitizenssotheycaneat.

165

Americaneedstoattempttocancelonemilitaryprogramandcancelonecovertopsofmurder
andhateanddestructionandthenattempttoimprovethattrend.Idonotcarewhatan
emotionalconfusedblindbeingsuggests,Ifthatbeingdisagreeswithmysuggestiontheyneed
tocontactmesoIwillbeabletoexplainwhytheyareemotionalandconfusedandblindandin
erroriftheydonotagreewithwhatIjustsuggested.
ThesoonerAmericashowstherestoftheworldbyexample,howpeaceisachievedthesooner
therestoftheworldwillattempttoachievepeaceaswell.
Idonotwanttohearyeahbuts,becauseIeatyeahbutsonaregularbasisandIampleasedto
eatyeahbuts.
Iamacitizenofthelandofthefree,andthebeautyoffreedomofspeechistheonewhocan
arrangewordsinsuchafashiontoexciteemotionsandappealtothesensesthebest,istheone
whosvotecountsthemost,inthelandofthefree.
PerhapsoneneedstospendtherestoftheirlifeattemptingtounderstandwhatIjustsaid.

Mycompulsiontoeatyeahbutsisonlyexceededbymyabilitytoeatyeahbuts.

Iremindmyselftheblindarenotawaretheyareblind.
Desperationisthehallmarkofagoodstrategy.Luxuryencouragesstagnation.
Manyofthematerialisticwealthyaresimplyspinningtheirwheels.
Manyofthematerialisticwealthybelievetheirwealthmeanstheyaregoodandtheybelieveit
morethananyone.
Acountrywithahugemilitaryunderestimatesthepowerofwords.
Acountrywithahugemilitaryunderestimatestheirownabilitytothinktheirwayoutofa
struggle.
Thoughtsandideasarewhyeverythingis,notweaponsandmaterialisticwealth.
Manyplaythegame,themastersarethegame.

Someareperfectatwinningandsomeareperfectatnotwinning.

SaturdayMarch14,2009at2:52AmESTiswhentheoneItutorinthegamecametounderstand
allotherplayersarenotflawed,theyareperfectlyflawed.Iampleasedwithhisprogressin
understanding.Isuggestedheknowsperfectionwhenheseesit.Hesuggesteditisnotpossible
sinceIamnotperfect.ThenIsuggested,Thenyouareperfectinunderstandingyouarenot
perfect.Andnowhischathassilenced,becauseheisatthetopofthemountainandheis
observingtheview.

Heisnowawake.IampleasedIwasabletoassisthim.Mybodyisunabletocomprehendwhat
ithasaccomplished.HewillperceiveImadehiminclimbthemountainandhewillperceiveI
enabledhimtoclimbthemountain.IunderstandIsimplysuggestedtherewasamountain.I
simplysuggestedoneisabletoclimbthemountain.Heclimbthemountainonhisownusinghis
ownmindandusinghisabilitytoreasonandtoquestionandtoponderandtocometofurther
understanding.

166

Thatissimplyahumanbeingsgift.Wesimplyadaptandadjustourstrategyandcontinueon.
Thereisnootherpurpose.Onceahumanbeinggetsstartedinthisprogressioncycleachievedby
blockingtheiremotionsenough,thetopofthemountainisreached.Itissimplyamatterofthat
beingunderstandingtheyhavereachedit.Oncetheponderingcycleisstarted,itisirreversible.
Noamountofpillsormoneyorfameoranythingintheuniversecanstopthatcycleonceit
starts.
Sothemountainisnotevenachallengebecauseonceonestartsupthemountainitisallover.
Remindyourselftheauthorprefersyouavoidbelievingheisreligious.Theauthordoesnotwish
foranyonetocomeawaywiththeperceptionheisreligious.
Theauthorissimplyattemptingtocommunicatewhatheseessincetheaccidentandis
requiredtousewordsforothersbenefit,althoughtheauthorprefersnottousewordsatall.
Theauthorunderstandsheisahumanbeingandheunderstandsanydescriptionotherthanthat
isredundant.

iunderstandeverythingisanonionandasonepealsallthelayersofskinawaytheyrevealthe
onion
<Lestat9>theonlythingthatisrealiswhatwecannotproveandthatisthoughtitselforsoulor
spiritorbeing,thatwillneverbeprovenwhichiswhythatistheonlythingthatisreal
<Lestat9>itisnotprovableforareason
<Lestat9>icanproveihaveanarmalldaylong,buticanneverprovewhatdecidestomovethat
arm
<Lestat9>whathappenstomakethatarmmove,thebrainmakesitmovebutthethoughttells
thebraintomakeitmove
<Lestat9>sowhatisthought?Itisnottangible
<Lestat9>butitistheonlythingthatisreal

Subconsciousisbeyondpowerfulthatisallicansuggesttoyou,andiunderstandyoualready
knowthat.
<Lestat9>allittakestomakeitdominateistoconditionawayfromemotionsanddesiresand
cravingforashorttimetostarttheponderingprocess..oncethatprocessstartsitsirreversible
<Lestat9>tothinkistojudgetoquestionistoponder
<Lestat9>ithinkthereforeijudge
<Lestat9>itselementary
<Lestat9>perhapsithinksoperhapsiam
<Lestat9>maybeithinkormaybeidonotthink
<Lestat9>maybeiamgoodormaybeiamnotgood
<Lestat9>maybetheterroristsarebadormaybetheyarenotbad
<Lestat9>maybe9/11wasacurseormaybe9/11wasablessingindisguise
<Lestat9>maybesufferingisbadormaybesufferingisablessingindisguise
Understandpainisnotpainandpleasureisnotpleasureorattempttounderstandpainis
pleasureandpleasureispain

167

Iunderstandyouareattemptingtodothebestyoucangiventhecircumstances.
<Lestat9>ifiknewthiswouldhavehappenedtomeicertainlywouldnothaveplayedthatvideo
game
<Lestat9>soIampleasedIdidnotknowthiswouldhappentome
<Lestat9>soiperceiveiwritebookstodocumenttheprogressionformedicalpurposes
<Lestat9>iperceiveimaywakeuptomorrowandthiswillbeoverwithandiwanttohave
somethingtoremindmeofthisevent
<Lestat9>soipublishtheblogsotospeak
<Lestat9>ifothersreaditthatisfinebutipublishforme
<Lestat9>iamonlyconcernedwithhelpingmyselftohaveadairyofwhathappened
<Lestat9>wheniperceivetheblogisdoneipublishitandstartthenextblog,andthereisnoend
totheblogs
<Lestat9>soiamtrappedinsomekindofinfinitecycle
<Lestat9>onemaysuggestIknownotwhatido
<Lestat9>ifiamcompelledtowriteandistopwritingiblockedemotionaldesirefurtherand
thusiprogressevenfurther
<Lestat9>soiunderstandijusthavetobe
<Lestat9>ifiwritefineifidontfine,ijusthavetobe
<Lestat9>ihavetoattempttoactnaturalsotospeak,whathappens,happens
<Lestat9>thisisallasymptomofhowpowerfulthissubconsciousis
<Lestat9>itisbeyondunderstandingiamunabletounderstanditways
<Lestat9>thelittlerabbitgoeswherethecargoes

Ifacommunistcountryadoptsdemocratictendenciesitisnolongeracommunistcountry.Ifa
democraticcountryadoptssocialisttendenciesitisnolongerademocracy.Soneithercountryis
reallywhattheyareunderstoodtobe.Sothereisnodefinitionofdemocracyorcommunism.
Theyaresimplylabelsthatareinaccurate.

whoeverinventedlanguageunderestimateditseventualeffectsonmankind.
<Lestat9>inthegoodrespectandthebadrespectattheexactsametime
<Lestat9>languagecreateslabelsandencouragesemotions,soaftertheaccidentidetected
that,nowiwillusewordstoexplainwhatishappening,soiamusingtheweaponagainstitself
todefeatit.tsunzusuggestedthebestgeneralistheonewhoconvincestheothergeneralto
surrenderandneverfiresashot.<Lestat9>youmayperceiveiamtalkingtoyoubutiunderstand
iamwritingthethirdbook.

Perhapsreligionisthepsychologyofisolation.
Perhapswordsarethepsychologyofisolation.
Myarroganceisonlyexceededbymylackofit.
Perhapsitiseasytoavoidsufferingorstrugglebutittakesselfcontroltoseekitout.

168

Slothandcomfortiseasytoachievebutittakespatiencetoachievegrace.Ittakeshumilityto
becomemeek.Ittakescompassiontobecomegraceful.Ittakesunderstandingtobecome
humble.
Theonewhoconvincestheotherstosubmit,neverloses.
Onesentencearrangedproperlynullifiesreality.
Iammyownworstenemy;Icanlivewiththat.

Thedefinitionofinsaneisonewhodecidestoprovetotheblindtheyareblind.Oneisbeyond
insanewhentheyunderstandtheywillnotonlyprovetotheblindtheyareblind,butthatone
alsounderstandstheycannotfailatprovingtotheblindtheyareblind.
Itissimpletodefendyourland,itisimpossibletogiveitupwhenyoucandefenditeasily.
Thatseparatesthemenfromtheboysinthisreality.
Perhapsthedarknessisconfusedbythelightanddesiresthelighttogoaway,yetthelightowns
thedarknessandnevergoesaway,andsothedarknessgetsevenangrier
Thedefinitionofwiseisfoolish.Thedefinitionoffooliswise.
Ifoneunderstandstheyareafooltheywillnotunderestimateaproblem.Theywillthenrespect
theproblemandtheywillnottakeanythingforgrantedbecausetheyunderstandtheyareafool
andsotheywillenduplookingwise.

Onewhoiswisewillunderestimatetheproblemandwillnotrespecttheproblemandtheywill
makemistakesandtaketheproblemforgrantedsotheywillenduplookingfoolish.

Sothedefinitionofwiseisinerrorandthedefinitionoffoolishisinerror.
PerhapsIamwritingbooksinhopesIachieveblogstatusandwhenIdoIwillmakethatbloginto
abook.
ThenIcanwriteanotherbookaboutwhatledtothathappeningandwhatIlearnedfromthat
experience.
MyinfinitewrathpotentialandIdeterminedtogototheanimalsheltertofindareplacementfor
babyblue.IunderstoodwhenIgotthereeachdogIlookedattoldme,sotospeak
,Ifyoutakemeyouwontregretit..SoIwasconvincedIwantedeverydogIsawandIsaw
manydogs.ThenIcametoacageandtherewasthisbabyblacklabayearandahalfold,andshe
lookedverycompassionateandverycalmandshesaidtome,IfyougetmeIwillwreck
yourhouse.AndImadeupmymind,thatisthedogIwanted.
SomyinfinitewrathpotentialandIbroughtourotherdogJakedowntomeethertoseeifthey
gotalong.

Iamawareyouareaware,sowecanavoidthattopic.
IwillavoidsuggestingwhatmyhandleiswhenIaminchatsoyouwillbeinapositionof
questioningifthechatismechattingorifperhapsIsimplycopiedthischatfromsomeoneelses
chat.CertainlyitispossibleIsimplycopyeverywordfromsomeoneelseineverybookIwrite.
Thatisapossibility,perhaps.

169

04:31]<Heimdall>IperceiveIshouldnotwritebooksandIperceiveIshouldnotsayanythingto
anyoneandIperceiveishouldjustmindmyownbusiness
[04:31]<Heimdall>IunderstandaBuddhistconceptisdonottrytohardordonottry
[04:31]<Heimdall>Butiperceivethatallisanillusion
[04:32]<Heimdall>Onemusttryinfinitelyhardandonemustnotisolatetheirselfandonemust
notbesilencedbutyellatthetopoftheirlungs
[04:32]<Heimdall>itisveryeasyformetoneverwriteanotherbookandnevertalktoanyone
aboutmyaccident
[04:32]<Heimdall>sothatiswhatiavoiddoingatallcosts
[04:33]<Heimdall>imustbeconsciouseverythingisanillusion
[04:33]<Heimdall>iattempttokeepthatframeofmind
[04:33]<Heimdall>Ifiperceiveishouldbequiet,iyell
[04:34]<dcnstrct>Idon'tthinkwritingabookisanaggressivethingtodo,andI'msureyoucan
learnmuchdoingit.Ithinkit'sagreatidea.
[04:35]<dcnstrct>Ican'tagreethateverythingisanillusionthough.
[04:35]<dcnstrct>Ican'tsayeverythingisnotanillusioneither.
[04:35]<dcnstrct>;)
[04:35]<Heimdall>myneurologistafterreadingmymriandeegtestssaidsomethingtomeand
itassistedme
[04:36]<Heimdall>hesaidiseeyouareingoodhealthandafterhearingyourwordsiama
believeryouareenlightened
[04:36]<Heimdall>andthenhesaid,iwouldkeepittoyourselfandnotwriteanybooksaboutit
[04:36]<Heimdall>andthatiswhenideterminedihavetowriteinfinitebooksandyellto
everyoneaboutit
[04:37]<Heimdall>soidecidedthatmoment,andeverythingsincethenisaresultofthatsingle
decision
[04:37]<Heimdall>thetwobooksthatarepublishedandalloverthewordarebecauseimade
thatonedecisionbasedonhiscomments
[04:37]<Heimdall>iamhereinthisroomandmanychatroomsbecauseimadethatone
decision
[04:38]<Heimdall>itisveryeasyformetobecomeahermit
[04:38]<Heimdall>itisastruggletowritebooksandfacethechatroomemotions
[04:38]<Heimdall>butihavenoemotionstocaresotospeak
[04:38]<Heimdall>icarebutiamunabletohavetheemotioncarewhatotherssayaboutme
[04:39]<Heimdall>soihavecompassionperhaps
[04:39]<dcnstrct>I'mnotgoingtosayifIthinkyouareorarenot"enlightened",butIthink
focusingonthememeof"Iamenlightened"isaselfishthingtodo.Becauseinsteadofjust
puttingoutmaterialtohelpothersyou'respendingenergydrawingattentiontoanattainment
thatyoumayormaynothaveattained.
[04:40]<Heimdall>iperceiveiaccidentlyunlockedmysubconsciousfromplayingavideogame
tomuchbutreligiouspeoplesaythatisnirvanaandsomesaythatisthesecondcomingsoi
prefertostayonthefenceabouteverything

170

[04:40]<Heimdall>iamonthefenceaboutbeingonthefence
[04:41]<Heimdall>iaminthemiddleofthemiddleofthemiddleofthefenceatthisstage
[04:41]<dcnstrct>mypointis,ifyoureallyareenlightenedthenyou'llhavenoproblemsatall
pretendingyouarenot,becauseifyoupretendthatthenpeoplewillhaveaneasiertime
listeningtoyou.
[04:41]<Heimdall>iperceiveenlightened=messsiah=secondcoming=medhi=allprophets
beforeme=god=subconscious
[04:42]<Heimdall>soiamonthefence
[04:42]<dcnstrct>ifyougoaroundsayingyou'reenlightened,you'rejustputtingupsomething
thatwillseparateandisolateyoufrompeople.
[04:42]<dcnstrct>andthatisnotgoingtohelpothers
<Heimdall>Iamnotashamedifitisallthoseoroneofthoseoracoupleofthose,becausei
havenoemotionssoiamunablebefeeltheemotionashamed
[04:42]<Heimdall>soiamnotashamedorembarrassed
[04:43]<dcnstrct>it'snotaboutshame,it'saboutperceivingwhatisskillful,whatwillhelp
others.Otherpeopledohaveemotionssoyouhavetoperceivethoseandbesensitivetothem
[04:43]<Heimdall>ifothersareashamedaboutanythingisay,itisbecausetheydecidetobe
ashamed
[04:43]<Heimdall>theycreatetheirownsufferingidonotcreatetheirsuffering
[04:44]<dcnstrct>yes,butstillifyouseehowtheywillmakethemselvessuffermoreifyousaya
certainthing
[04:44]<dcnstrct>thenifyouhaverealcompassion
[04:44]<dcnstrct>youwon'tsayit
[04:44]<Heimdall>yesbutifionlysaythingsthatithinkwillnotupsetthemipandertothemso
idenymyownwishes
01[04:45]<Heimdall>sotheymanipulateme
[04:45]<dcnstrct>exactly,youdenyyourownwishesasagift
[04:45]<Heimdall>iwillnotallowanyonetomanipulateme
[04:45]<Heimdall>ifilistenedtothewishesofothersinthegamethisaccidentneverwould
havehappened
[04:46]<Heimdall>ihadtolistentomyselftomasterthatgameandthatiswhytheaccident
happened
[04:46]<Heimdall>iassumedeveryoneelsewascrazyandafterthreemonthstheaccident
happened
[04:46]<Heimdall>soiwillgowiththatunderstandingtotheend
[04:47]<Heimdall>thatisonelessoniperceiveisnotanillusion
[04:48]<Heimdall>iampleasedwiththecommentlistentoyourheart
[04:48]<Heimdall>thatishowimasteredthatgame
[04:48]<Heimdall>ilistenedtomyselfandignoredotherswhosuggestediwasfoolishtohunt
likeihunted
[04:48]<dcnstrct>duetotheparticularconditioningofotherpeoplearoundyou.Ifyoupromote
yourselfasbeing"enlightened"youmakeitmoredifficultforthemtobenearyou.Youforce

171

othersawayfromyou,andyoudenythemanywisdomthatyoumayhaveotherwisebeenable
toprovide.
[04:48]<Heimdall>soiwashumiliatedbutiignoredthathumiliation
[04:49]<Heimdall>iamonlyconcernedaboutmonologuebecausethatmonologuehelpsme
understandmyselfbetterbecausewithnosenseoftimeiamunabletothinkveryfarintothe
future
[04:49]<dcnstrct>I'mnotsuggestingyougiveupmonologue
[04:50]<Heimdall>soimonologueinheretomyself,italktomyself,ipaynoattentiontoothers
andipaynomindtothem,iamonlyinterestedinmonologuetomyselftoreachfurther
understanding
[04:50]<Heimdall>iwritebookstomonologuetomyself
[04:50]<dcnstrct>I'mjustsuggestingyougiveuppromotingyourselfas"enlightened"usingthat
terminology.
[04:50]<Heimdall>ipublishthembutidonotrememberwhattheyareabout
[04:50]<Heimdall>iattemptmanystrategies
[04:51]<Heimdall>isuggesttothepsychologychatroomiunlockedsubconsciousandthenthey
getallreligious
[04:51]<Heimdall>isuggesttotheIslamchatroomiamtheMedhiandtheygetallpsychological
[04:51]<dcnstrct>lol!
[04:51]<dcnstrct>you'vebeenbusy
[04:51]<Heimdall>soiamdoingthebesticanbasedonmysituation
[04:52]<Heimdall>iamadaptingandadjustingmystrategybychattinginchatrooms,soiam
helpingmyself
[04:52]<Heimdall>itisnotaboutonesinthechatroomsitneverwillbe
01[04:52]<Heimdall>icopywhatisayinchatintomybooks
[04:53]<Heimdall>thenipublishmybooks
[04:53]<Heimdall>itisnotreallyaboutonesichatwith
[04:53]<Heimdall>theyperceiveitis,butiunderstanditisnot
[04:55]<dcnstrct>Idon'tthinkyoushouldstopvisitingchatrooms,Idon'tthinkyoushouldstop
monologue,andIdon'tthinkyoushouldstopwritingabook.Ijustthinkyoushouldconsider
usingdifferentterminologytodescribeyourcondition.Ithinkyourdoctorwasright.Ifyouare
anenlightenedpersoninthisdayandagethereisnoreasontodeclareitassuch.Itservesno
advantagetodoso.
[04:55]<dcnstrct>enlightenmentisamemethatyoucandowithout.
[04:56]<dcnstrct>it'snotanecessaryonetohaveinordertoendsufferinginyourselfand
others
[04:56]<Heimdall>thatiswhyiyellitoutbecauseothersuggestitservesnoadvantage,butin
mybooksiremindthereaderiamsimplyattemptingtodescribehowiseethingsafterthe
accident,andiremindthemiamnotsuggestinganythingisayisrightorwrongitisjustsimply
howiseethingsaftertheaccidentwhichchangedmyperception
[04:57]<Heimdall>thatisalsowhatiwillremindyouof

172

[04:57]<Heimdall>myperceptionchangedandeverythingisayisasymptomofthat,nothing
else
[04:57]<dcnstrct>feelfreetodescribehowyoufeel,butthereisnoreasontobringreligious
symbolismintoit...wordssuchasenlightenedormessiah
[04:57]<Heimdall>iamnotaBuddhistandnotreligiousandnotapsychologistihadanaccident
andmyperceptionchanged
[04:58]<dcnstrct>sureIunderstand
[04:58]<Heimdall>suggestingwhatiperceivedhappenisnotsayinganything,itissimplysaying
whatiperceivedhappenedandperceptionisintheeyeofthebeholder
[04:59]<Heimdall>icansuggestiperceiveiturnedintoafrogbutthatdoesnotmeanidid
[04:59]<dcnstrct>sayingyourperceptionchangedisfine,describinghowitfeelsandwhatis
differentisfine,butinvokingreligioussymbolismtodosoisunskillfulinmyopinionbecauseit
cancausepaininothers.
[05:00]<Heimdall>myperceptionwasalteredfromthatvideogame
[05:00]<Heimdall>yesiremindthereadersifanythingisaymakesthememotionaltoblocktheir
emotions
[05:00]<Heimdall>soiperceiveisaythingslikethatsoicanremindthemtoblocktheir
emotionsafterwords
[05:00]<dcnstrct>thatsnotpossibleforthem,andyouneedtobesensitivetothat
[05:01]<dcnstrct>youseemtothinkthatbecauseyourperceptionhaschanged,sohaseveryone
else's
[05:01]<dcnstrct>butthatsnotthecase
[05:01]<Heimdall>iunderstandanythingispossibleforgod
[05:01]<dcnstrct>it'snoteasyforotherpeopletojustturnofftheiremotions
[05:01]<dcnstrct>soyouhavetobecarefulwithhowyoueffectotherpeople'semotions
[05:01]<Heimdall>angermanagementisnotimpossibletodoitjusttakesalittleselfcontrol
[05:02]<dcnstrct>it'snotsomethingthatcanbeachievedrightawayeitherjustbytelling
someonetodoso.
[05:02]<Heimdall>thefacttheworldisnotrunningaroundkillingeachother24/7showsthe
worldhasdecentselfcontrol
[05:02]<dcnstrct>theworldisrunningaroundkillingeachother24/7
[05:02]<Heimdall>;P
[05:02]<dcnstrct>;);)
[05:02]<Heimdall>thatswhyiwriteinfinitebooks
[05:03]<Heimdall>youdontneedtoreadmybooksbecauseyouunderstandwhereiam
comingfromwithouttheneedtoreadthem
[05:04]<dcnstrct>yourbookswouldsellbetter,andhelpothersmoreifyouleaveoutreligious
symbolismsuchas"enlightenment"or"messiah"andinsteadjusttellastoryaboutyourchange
inperception.
[05:04]<Heimdall>soiwritethemforoneswhodonotchatwithmeinperson
[05:04]<Heimdall>apparentlyitisallrelatedfromthewayiseeit
[05:04]<Heimdall>italkmuchaboutphysicsandpsychologyandreligionandBuddhism

173

[05:05]<Heimdall>andthenitalkabouteverydayevents
[05:05]<Heimdall>andpersonalevents
[05:05]<Heimdall>itisallundertheumbrella,iseethingsdifferentlyaftertheaccident
[05:05]<Heimdall>iseemanythingsdifferentlysoihavemanybookstowrite
[05:06]<Heimdall>soiwriteswiftlyknowingfreedomofspeechisonmyside
[05:07]<dcnstrct>whenyouusethosewordsyouimplyyouareaBuddha,butyoulacktheskills
ofaBuddha.ABuddhaisnotjustsomeonewhohasendedtheirownemotionsortheirown
suffering.ABuddhaissomeonewhohasdonethat,butalsoperceiveshowtoendthesuffering
inothers,andcanteachothersclearlyhowtodothisforthemselves.ABuddhaknowsthepath
leadingtothecessationofsuffering,andcancommunicatethispath
[05:07]<dcnstrct>youarrivedatyourconditionasyousay..butanaccident.Notbyfollowinga
clearpaththatyoucanteachtoothers.
[05:07]<Heimdall>IhavenevermeetaBuddhatocontrasthowiamactingincontrastto
Buddha
[05:08]<Heimdall>soimayperceiveiamBuddhaoftheagebutthatdoesnotmeaniam
[05:08]<Heimdall>ImayperceiveiamHeimdallbutthatdoesnotmeaniam
[05:08]<Heimdall>idiscussthepossibilityimaybetheantiChristinmythirdbook
[05:08]<Heimdall>becauseiperceiveiamcontagioustothosearoundme
[05:09]<Heimdall>theybecomelikemesotospeak
[05:09]<Heimdall>butthatisjustmyperceptionperhaps
[05:09]<Heimdall>oneinthegamereadmyhuntingtutor
[05:09]<Heimdall>andsuggestiteachhimhowtomasterthegame
[05:09]<Heimdall>andnowheisshowingsymptomsishowed
[05:10]<Heimdall>andhesuggestiheisverypleasediassistedhiminmasteringthegame
[05:10]<Heimdall>butiperceivehedidithimselfwhenheaskedmetoassisthim
[05:10]<Heimdall>soheperceivesihelpedhimbutiperceivehehelpedhimself
[05:11]<Heimdall>Iamunabletoarguewithhimbecauseiunderstandwhatheperceivesis
valid
[05:12]<Heimdall>iperceivewhenhereadmytutorhemasteredthegamebecausethatled
himtoaskmetoassisthim
[05:12]<Heimdall>sohedecided
[05:12]<Heimdall>itsallonhim
[05:12]<Heimdall>notonme
[05:12]<Heimdall>hewasseekingtomasterthegamesoheisaseeker
[05:12]<Heimdall>andhiscuriosityservedhimwell
<Heimdall>ififigureouthowtotypeaftertheaccidentyouwillbethefirsttoknow
[05:16]<dcnstrct>;)thankyou
[05:16]<dcnstrct>youcan'ttype?
[05:16]<dcnstrct>howdoyougetdataintoIRC
[05:16]<dcnstrct>doyouspeakit?
]<Heimdall>icantspellproperlyoritypetofastbecauseicanttellhowfastitype
[05:17]<dcnstrct>ahhIsee

174

5:17]<Heimdall>ihavetokeepcorrectingeverysentencesoijustgioveupandleaveit
[05:17]<Heimdall>ijustwon137pedinthegamefromasinglekillwhichis13.70dollarsUS
[05:17]<Heimdall>siimademoneylol
[05:17]<dcnstrct>whydoyoustillplaythegame
[05:17]<Heimdall>chattingcanbeprofitable
[05:17]<dcnstrct>ifyou'vemasterdit
[05:18]<dcnstrct>andwhereisthisgame?
[05:18]<Heimdall>tomakesureinevergobacktohowiwas
[05:18]<Heimdall>itsmymeditationperhaps
[05:18]<Heimdall>ithelpsmeponderwhattypetypeinchatroomsandinthebooks
[05:19]<Heimdall>ithelpsmeponderthelessonsilearninchatroomsandfromwritingbooks
[05:19]<Heimdall>soiamnotreallyhuntingormakingmoneyiamsimplyponderingwhattodo
nextortrynext
[05:21]<Heimdall>iamatastageinthegamenomatterwhatihuntinevercomebackfroma
huntandsayilost
[05:21]<Heimdall>soineverreallywin
[05:21]<Heimdall>thereisnocontrast
[05:21]<Heimdall>soiunderatndijustusethegameformediationtofigureoutwhatidonext
inthechatroomsandinmybooks
[05:22]<Heimdall>imasteeredthegamesoiamunabletowinadnunabletolosesoijustam
[05:22]<dcnstrct>thatsinteresting
[05:23]<dcnstrct>butyouseemtothinkthatifyouremoveyourselffromthegame,you'lllose
theabilityto"justbe"
[05:23]<dcnstrct>whydoyouthinkthat?
[05:24]<dcnstrct>orhaveImisunderstood
[05:24]<dcnstrct>it'sraininghereIlovethesoundofit
[05:24]<dcnstrct>Ihavemywindowopen
[05:25]<dcnstrct>maybewhatyouhavetodoislearnhowto"justbe"inthecontextofmany
games
[05:26]<dcnstrct>infact...aninfinitenumberofgames
[05:26]<dcnstrct>ifyoucanthinkofeveryactivityoflifeasaparticulargame
[05:26]<dcnstrct>thenyoucanplaythemallwithmasteryifyoucancontinueto"Justbe"
[05:27]<Heimdall>yesinoticedsomeofthesameprinciplesiusedtomasterthegameapplyin
reallife,soiquestionwhetherthegameisnotreallifealso,somaybethegameisnotagame
[05:27]<Heimdall>ormaybereallifeisagame
[05:27]<dcnstrct>well..thereisonlyoneprincipletolifereally
[05:27]<dcnstrct>youcanfinditinagame
[05:27]<dcnstrct>youcanfinditallovertheplace
[05:28]<dcnstrct>it'snotsomethinguniquetoyourgame,itisjusthowlifeworks.
[05:28]<Heimdall>yesifonesee'sproperlytheyseeiteverywhere
[05:28]<dcnstrct>therefor...youmaynotneedthisparticulargameanymore
[05:28]<Heimdall>iunderstandidonotneedthegamebecauseIamthegame

175

[05:29]<dcnstrct>yousayyouunderstandit,butcanyoudemonstratethatunderstandingby
lettinggoofthatgame?
[05:30]<dcnstrct>I'mnotsayingyouhaveto
[05:30]<dcnstrct>I'mnottryingtoshakeupyourlifetoomuchhere
[05:30]<dcnstrct>justthrowingsomeideasatyou
[05:30]<Heimdall>Iunderstandyouaredoingthebestyoucanbasedonthesituation
[05:30]<OnceTide>THREEmetamorphosesofthespiritdoIdesignatetoyou:howthespirit
becomethacamel,thecamelalion,andthelionatlastachild.
[05:31]<OnceTide>Manyheavythingsarethereforthespirit,thestrongloadbearingspiritin
whichreverencedwelleth:fortheheavyandtheheaviestlongethitsstrength.
[05:31]<OnceTide>Whatisheavy?soaskeththeloadbearingspirit;thenkneelethitdownlike
thecamel,andwantethtobewellladen.
[05:31]<OnceTide>Whatistheheaviestthing,yeheroes?askeththeloadbearingspirit,thatI
maytakeituponmeandrejoiceinmystrength.
[05:31]<OnceTide>Isitnotthis:Tohumiliateoneselfinordertomortifyone'spride?Toexhibit
one'sfollyinordertomockatone'swisdom?
[05:31]<OnceTide>Orisitthis:Todesertourcausewhenitcelebratethitstriumph?Toascend
highmountainstotemptthetempter?
[05:32]<Heimdall>myspiritofgreedmademewanttomasterthegametomakemonye,and
thatbecameaburdenandstrugglelikeacamelshumpsandwhenimasteredthegameibecame
aliionbecauseiunderstoodthegamewaswnotastruggleatall
[05:32]<OnceTide>Orisitthis:Tobesickanddismisscomforters,andmakefriendsofthedeaf,
whoneverhearthyrequests?
[05:32]<OnceTide>Alltheseheaviestthingstheloadbearingspirittakethuponitself:andlike
thecamel,which,whenladen,hastenethintothewilderness,sohasteneththespiritintoits
wilderness.
[05:33]<Heimdall>iwentintothefireandcameoutlikesteel
[05:33]<OnceTide>Butintheloneliestwildernesshappeneththesecondmetamorphosis:here
thespiritbecomethalion;freedomwillitcapture,andlordshipinitsownwilderness.
[05:33]<OnceTide>ItslastLordithereseeketh:hostilewillitbetohim,andtoitslastGod;for
victorywillitstrugglewiththegreatdragon.
[05:34]<OnceTide>WhatisthegreatdragonwhichthespiritisnolongerinclinedtocallLord
andGod?"Thoushalt,"isthegreatdragoncalled.
[05:34]<Heimdall>Thebattleiswithinonesmindandthereliesthedragon
[05:34]<OnceTide>WhatisthegreatdragonwhichthespiritisnolongerinclinedtocallLord
andGod?"Thoushalt,"isthegreatdragoncalled.
[05:34]<OnceTide>"Thoushalt,"liethinitspath,sparklingwithgold.ascalecoveredbeast;and
oneveryscaleglitterethgolden,"Thoushalt!"
[05:34]<OnceTide>Thevaluesofathousandyearsglitteronthosescales,andthusspeakeththe
mightiestofalldragons:"Allthevaluesofthings.glitteronme.
[05:35]<Heimdall>thedragonissubconsiousandwithselfcontrolthedarknessconsciouswillbe
thrownaside

176

05:35]<Heimdall>andtheglitterwillbeknowntoallwhoseeit
[05:36]<OnceTide>Mybrethren,whereforeisthereneedofthelioninthespirit?Whysufficeth
notthebeastofburden,whichrenouncethandisreverent?
[05:36]<gjvc>breadbin
[05:36]<OnceTide>Tocreatenewvalues.that,eventhelioncannotyetaccomplish:buttocreate
itselffreedomfornewcreating.thatcanthemightoftheliondo.
[05:36]<OnceTide>Forthespiritofthelionsaith,"Iwill."
[05:37]<Heimdall>thelionistehstruggleandthestrugglemakesthesteelstrongonceitgoes
intothehottestcoalsorthemouthofthelion
[05:37]<Heimdall>Iam
[05:37]<OnceTide>Buttellme,mybrethren,whatthechildcando,whicheventhelioncould
notdo?Whyhaththepreyinglionstilltobecomeachild?
[05:38]<Heimdall>Thechildhasfewemotionsandthushaswisdombeyonditsyearsbecauseits
subconscioushasnotbeenshaadowedbytheemotionlaconscious
[05:38]<OnceTide>Innocenceisthechild,andforgetfulness,anewbeginning,agame,aself
rollingwheel,afirstmovement,aholyYea.
[05:38]<Heimdall>thepresentsandgiftstheemotioanlsthrownuponthechildnhelpthechild
becomelikethedarkness
[05:39]<Heimdall>theydestroythebetautyandknownotwhattheydo
[05:39]<OnceTide>Aye,forthegameofcreating,mybrethren,thereisneededaholyYeaunto
life:itsownwill,willethnowthespirit;hisownworldwinneththeworld'soutcast.
[05:39]<OnceTide>ThreemetamorphosesofthespirithaveIdesignatedtoyou:howthespirit
becameacamel,thecamelalion,andthelionatlastachild.
[05:39]<Heimdall>thecomposerisonlyabletocompose
[05:40]<Heimdall>thelionisonewithoutemotionsonewithoutemotionsihumblebynature
[05:40]<Heimdall>onewhoishumblebynaturesee'severythingforwhatitis,isnotashamed
tosaywhatitsee's
[05:41]<Heimdall>achildsayswhatisonitmindwithnoreguardoftehconsequences
[05:41]<Heimdall>soachildhasfewemotions
[05:41]<Heimdall>soachildiswisebeyonditsyears
[05:42]<Heimdall>andachildswordssareproof
[05:43]<Heimdall>Iamawareyouareawaresowecanavoidthattopic
[05:45]<dcnstrct>OnceTide,dowegetareferencewiththatquote?
[05:45]<dcnstrct>wheredoesitcomefrom
[05:45]<OnceTide>Nietzsche
[05:46]<dcnstrct>ahha
[05:52]<Heimdall>theoneitutorinthegameassumeseverythingisayisinrelationtothe
game,sohecomesalongnicelybecausehehasnopreconditions,hejustassumeseverythingi
sayisrelativetothegame,notgodnotreligionnotevenlife,itissimplyrelativetothegamewe
isattemptingtomaster
[05:53]<Heimdall>hesimplywantedtomasterthegameandidomybesttoassisthim

177

[05:54]<Heimdall>hesoughtmyassistanceandnowhelistenstoitbecauseheunderstoodmy
tutorwasperahpssomethingtolookinto
[05:54]<Heimdall>soheisaseekerandheisalsoadetectorandthathasservedhimwell
[05:55]<Heimdall>manysuggestmyhuntingtutorisfoolishness,butthissinglepersonsaw
perhapstherewassomethingtoit,anddecidedtoquestionitfurther
[05:55]<Heimdall>thatspirithasservedhimwell
[05:56]<Heimdall>onealwaysgetsitandtheoneswhodonotaslikethegrainsofsandinthe
sea
[05:57]<Heimdall>thedakrnessknowsiamstupidbutthelightquestionsifiamstupid
[05:58]<Heimdall>theemotionsknow,theclairtyquestions
[06:01]<dcnstrct>Heimdall,yousayyouhaveahardtimeperceivingtimeisthatcorrect?
[06:02]<dcnstrct>isthatthemainchangeinperceptionthatyouexperience?
[06:03]<dcnstrct>thewayyoupercievetime
[06:03]<dcnstrct>perceiverather(myspellingisterriblethesedaze)
[06:04]<Heimdall>mybodyunderatndtheirisnotime
[06:04]<Heimdall>mysenseoftasteisdiminsihedandmysenseofhearingahsnocontrast
[06:04]<Heimdall>icanttellwhatistoloudortosoft
[06:05]<Heimdall>myneuroligstsuggestedthatiswhyinowputsaltonmyfoodtomakeit
taste
[06:05]<Heimdall>myvisionisalsoalterned,iperceiveigetthespiritofwhatireadandiget
thespiritofcreaturesiseebutidonotseethedetailssotospeak
[06:05]<dcnstrct>Ireadthisinterestingbookthattalksabouthowtherootofpsycholoigcal
conflictiscloselylinkedtotime.
[06:06]<Heimdall>idonotfullyknowwhatiwritebooksaboutbutigetthespiritthebookis
done
[06:06]<dcnstrct>youmightfinditinteresting
[06:06]<dcnstrct>it'scalled"TheEndingofTime"
[06:06]<Heimdall>einsteinattemptedtosuggesttimeisrelativesoihaveattemptedtosuggest
inmybooksthetheoryofrelayivityisthelawofrelativity
[06:07]<dcnstrct>andhereistheentirebookincaseyouwanttoradit
[06:07]<dcnstrct>readit
[06:07]<Heimdall>iunderatndthatisprofoundsoicoverthattopicofteninmyseocndbook
andmuchmoreinmythird
[06:07]<dcnstrct>itmightbeinterestingforyoutoreadhowsomeothershavecoveredthe
sametopic
[06:07]<dcnstrct>http://www.freeweb.hu/tchl/the_ending_of_time/the_ending_of_time.html
[06:07]<Heimdall>yesipercfeiveiamnotcoveringnewgroundjusttakinganewapproach
[06:08]<Heimdall>iperceiveishouldavoidothersapprochesandrelyonmyownapproach
[06:08]<Heimdall>iamonthefencewhethermyapproahcisbetterorworsethanother
approcahes
[06:09]<Heimdall>soijustbemyapproach
[06:09]<dcnstrct>Idon'tthinkthisbookoffersanapproach,itjustdescribesthecircumstances

178

[06:10]<dcnstrct>Ihavetogonowgnoodnite
[06:11]<Heimdall>perhapsitisanapproachtothecirsumtsances
[06:11]<dcnstrct>perhaps

[READERNOTE:Theauthordeterminedatthispointinthebookeditinghewasneitheran
authornoraneditorsohelefttherestofthebookasitis]

Thiswordperhapsissomesortofcatalysttolaughter.Ifonesuggestmycountryisthebest
countryandanothersuggestsperhaps.Thenthereislaughterbecausetheinitialone
understandstheircountryhasmadesomelessthanbestdecisionsinitshistory.Ifonesuggests
myreligionisthebestreligionandanothersuggestsperhaps.Thentheinitialoneisencouraged
tolaughattheirremarkbecausetheyunderstandtheirreligionisperhapsnotasbestasthey
ledonwiththeircomment.Ifonesuggestsmyethnicityisthebest,andothersuggestsperhaps,
theinitialonelaughsbecausetheyunderstandtheirethnicityhasdonesomethingsthatarenot
characteristicsofbest.Ifonesuggests,youareenlightenedandIrespondwithperhaps,I
laughbecauseIunderstandwithmanyofcommentsandapproachesinmybooksandinmy
chatsIamanythingbutenlightened.
AfriendsuggestedTheTalibanareevil.InmymindIsuggestedperhaps.Becauseinthisworld
ofperceptionIaminduetotheaccident,Ihonestlyperceive,ifsomeguysinsandalsandold
gunsareabletobeinacontestwithnotonlyasuperpowerwithmuchtechnologyandalsohas
manyfriendshelpingit,andthebestthatsuperpowercancomeupwithis,wearenot
losing.IonlyperceivethatpersonwhosuggestedtheTalibanareveilwasreallysuggestingthe
Talibanareevilbecausetheyarekickingourass,andtheyappeartonotevenbetrying.ThenI
considerthesuperpowerperceivesifitssendmoretroopstothebattleitwillsomehowstart
winning.Ionlyperceiveiftheysendmoretroopstheguysinsandalsandoldweaponswillonly
becomebetteratrunningaroundinthemountainsandkickingourass.SoIperceivethelast
thingthesuperpowerwantstodoitmaketheenemybetter.Iperceivetheflawinthiswhole
conflictissimply,theTalibanhavenoluxurysotheymustneverunderestimatewhattheyareup
against,andsotheyarekickingourass,andIperceivethesuperpowerassumesitcannot
losewithallofhisluxurioustechnology,soitunderestimatesthebattleandthusitisgettingits
asskicked.Iperceivethebottomlineis,humanbeingallcanadaptandallcangetbetterinto
infinity.SoIperceiveitisbestnottogetintoawarwithahumanbeing.Iperceiveinany
battle,thehumanbeingsthatareperceivedtobeweakestaresometimesthevictors.Whentwo
sidefightandbothhavetechnologyandluxurytheoutcomegoestowhoistheleastinluxury.
Whenaconflictisagainstonethathasmuchluxuryandonesidethathasnoluxury,thevictoris
goingtobetheonewithnoluxury.Itissimplybecausetheonewithnoluxuryisgoingtohaveto
thinkandadaptmuchmoretoisdisadvantage.Thatisbadnewsfortheonewhohasluxury
thatisgoodnewsfortheonewhohasnoluxury.Iperceiveitisbestnottofighthumanbeings
unlessonehasnoweaponsandnoplansonwinningthebattleandunderstandstheyhaveno

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chancetowinthatbattle,sotheyareinaproperstateofmindtobeabletowinthebattle.Iam
humoredbythatperception.Itishumorousbecausewhatitmeansis,Ifthesuperpowerreally
wantstowinagainsttheTaliban,ithastooneupontheTaliban,sothesuperpowerhasless
luxurythantheTaliban,andthentheTalibanwillbeinapositionofluxuryandthesuperpower
willbeinapositionofweaknessorinastateofneedingtoadaptswiftlyorinapositionof
necessityordesperation.Thisdesperationcannotbefaked.Ithastoberealdesperation.In
worldwartwotheRussiansentwaveafterwaveoftroopsattheGermansmachinegun
positions,andtheRussiansdidnothaveenoughguns,sotheyessentiallysentafewguysin
groupsandtheguyinthefronthadthegun,andwhenhegotkilledtheguysbehindhimtookthe
gun.Thatsadesperatesituation.ThethingabouttheconflictwiththeTalibanis,theyarefar
moredesperatethanthat.Theyliveincavesandeatgoatmeatandhaveagunthatmayormay
notshoot.Andtheyhavethisenemythatcanseeeverymovetheymakeandkillthematany
momentwithmissilesthatoneisunabletodefendagainst.Iamlaughingatthatdesperation
theyhavebecauseIunderstandthatisexactlywhytheyarekickingourass.Themoredesperate
wemakethemthebettertheykickourass.Thatissimplyasymptomofwhatahumanbeing
doesinadesperatesituation,theyadaptandgetbetter.Theydonotlosetheyonlygetbetter.
Youcannotwinagainstahumanbeing.Youcankillsome,butthentheonesleftgetbetter.That
goesintoinfinity.Ifonekillsallhumanbeingsthenonewins.Butifoneleavesonehumanbeing
standing,theyaredoomedbecausethatonehumanbeingwillteachothershislessonsandthen
theyonewhokilledallhisfriendsaredoomed.Iperceiveitiswisetonotfighthumanbeingsjust
basedonthatprinciplealone.Itisimpossibletotakethisadaptandprogressoutofahuman
becausethatiswhathumanbeingsarespecialfor.Theyadaptandprogress.Ifyoubeatthem
theyadaptandprogressifyouareatpeacewiththemtheyadaptandprogress.Iperceiveitis
wisetoavoidhumanbeingssincetheyhavethatability.Iperceiveethalliescandefeatthe
Talibaniftheydesiretocontinuetofighthumanbeings,Iofcoursedontadvisefightinghuman
beingstobeginwithcausetheycannotbedefeated,butIftheallieswishtowinthiswar,they
shouldperhapsadjusttheirstrategy.FirsttheywouldhavetohavelessclothesthantheTaliban,
andtheTalibanhaverobes,sotheallieswouldneedperhapssomesortofswimmingtrunksand
maybesometypeofshoelessthansandalslikeflipflops.Thatwouldbutthealliesatan
advantageintheclothingdepartment,itwouldputthealliesinapositionofextremeweakness
thusmeanstheallieswouldneedtobeveryswiftandsmartinthereadaptation.Iampleased
toremindthereader,mycountrysvotershavedeterminedtofighttheTalibanandsoIam
pleasedtosuggestmystrategytobeattheTalibaneventhoughIunderstanditiswisetoavoid
fightinghumanbeingsespeciallyifonethinkstheycannotloseagainstthathumanbeingtheyare
fighting.Nowthenextlinethattheallieshavetoadjustistheweapons.TheTalibanhasrifles
andsomemortarssotheallieshavetoeliminateanythingtheyhavebeyondriflesandmortars.
Soanythingbeyondthosetwoweaponsareactuallyencouragingluxuryinthealliesandthusare
harmingtheireffortstowin.SothealliesneedtoworseriflethantheAk47.Iamuncertainif
oneisabletoevenfindariflewhichisworseinregardstotheinaccuracyoftheAk47.Ihave
seentestsonthemilitarychannelandthatweaponisperhapsperfectlyinaccurate.Perhapsinall
theuniverseifthereisadefinitionofperfectlyinaccurateonewouldfindapictureoftheAk47
nexttothatdefinition.AccordingtothetestIperceivedIwitnessed,theinaccuracyismadeup

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forbythefactisessentiallyjustspraysbulletsinageneraldirectionandpraysforsomethingto
happen.SoperhapstheAk47isverygoodatprayingandperhapstheAlliesunderstandtheak
47isverygoodatpraying.PerhapsonemaysuggesttheAllieshavebeenenlightenedbytheAk
47sabilitytopray.SothealliesneedtofindariflethatpraysbetterthantheAk47.Theallies
mayhavetoinventariflethatpraysbetterorperhapstheycanadaptanddecidetothrowrocks
oruseslingshotsorperhapsjustrunattheTalibaninhopestherunningwilltiretheTalibans
triggerfingeroutandtheTalibanwillsurrender.Therearemanyoptionstoconsiderintheallies
electingaproperweaponthatwillputthemataperfectdisadvantagetotheTalibansotheallies
areinaperfectstateofmindordesperationtohaveachanceinhelltowinthebattleagainsta
desperatehumanthatIunderstandoneshouldnotattempttofightinthefirstplace.Ifperhaps
thealliessendwavesofbeautifulwomaninscantlycladbathingsuitsattheTaliban,theTaliban
maybeinapositionofperceivedsinning,bylookingatthenearlynakedwomenandperhaps
theywouldhavetoretreattoavoidtheirperceivedsinning.Perhapsifawholeregimentof
Talibankneweveryothermemberofthatregimentsawanearlynakedwomantheywould
accuseeachotherofsinningandfightamongsttheirself.SowhiletheTalibanfoughteachother
thescantlycladwomencouldoverruntheposition,sotospeak.Iperceivethatmaybea
workableifthealliesaredeterminedtofightadesperatehumanthatIunderstandoneshould
avoidfightinginthefirstplace.Iampleasedtoremindthereaderiftheyarelaughingatthese
suggestionstocontinuetolaughandifthereaderisangrywiththesesuggestiontoblockthose
emotionsbyattemptingtolaugh.IampleasedIhaveprogressedinmyabilitytolaughatmyself.
Nowbacktothisseriousconflictthealliesareseriouslyunabletowin.Ofcoursethatisjustmy
sillyperceptionandnotreality,ofcourse.Anothercourseofactionwouldbetoattempttomake
theTalibangetlessgood.OrouttheTalibaninapositionofstagnation.Thiswouldbeachieved
byignoringthemorperhapsevenleavingthentotheirowndevicesalltogether,sotospeak.Of
coursehumanbeingsgetbetterevenifleftaloneandperhapshumanbeingleftalonegeteven
betterbecausetheyhavetoprogressinlivingwiththeirself.Soperhapsthatstrategywouldrest
onthegambletheTalibancouldnotlivewiththeirself.IftheTalibanareleftalonetheymayget
betteratlivingwiththeirselfandiftheTalibanareunabletolivewiththeirself,theywillget
betterbyunderstandingtheyareunabletolivewiththeirself.Ofcourseifthealliesleavethe
TalibanalonetheallieswilllookfoolishforattackingtheTalibantobeginwithsotheallieswill
havetoeatalotofcrowandperhapsthealliesarenotveryhungry.Ofcourseiftheallieswere
starvingtheyrestinthefacttheyhaveplentyofcrowtoeatinrelationtothisconflict,so
perhapsthisconflicthasgiventhealliesmuchcrowtoeatsotheallieswillneverbehungryfor
therestoftime,perhaps.Sillyvideogameaccident.Imustremainfocusedonthetopicathand.
SoIperceivetheallieswillhaveflipflopsandsomesortofswimtrunksasclothesandtomake
itsevenbutjustslightlylesseventhealliesuseak47sbutwithoutsightsandthebullets
sometimesworkandsometimesdontandjusttomakesurethealliesareindiscomfortthe
barrelsoftheak47stheyusearebendquiteabit.Myinfinitewrathpotentialjustinformedme
thesecondbookisimpossibletoreadbecauseitissogrammaticallywrongandimpossibleto
read.Isuggestitisperfectlyimpossibletoread.Shesuggestedjustliketheauthor.Iampleased
withherunderstanding.ItisabouttimeIhavedoubtsabouttime.Thefirstlessonisavoid
lessons.Thesecondlessonisthefirstlesson.Thethirdlessonisattempttoavoidattempting.The

181

fourthlessonistoattempttoremindyourselfofthreelessonsyoushouldattempttoavoid
attempting.IfyouassumeeveryoneelseiscrazyIwillassumeyourenot.
Justattempttoblockemotionsforthreemonthsandthenyouunlocksubconsciousandyouwill
getwhatyouwant.Itssimpleconditioning.NoMystery.
<Heimdall>Emotionsonlykeepcomingsoyouhavejobsecurity
<Heimdall>ItisanillusiononeisunabletofullyblockemotionsaskBuddha
<Heimdall>Justattemptoneatatimeitsaccumulative
<Heimdall>italladdsup
<Heimdall>italladdsuptozero
YourjuststaticinmyatticIwilldefeatyouandtheneatyouinmyattichydrocraticariattic
hypothatic,yourdramatic.
Iperceivesomemaygetit,soIwilldoublemyeffortsandknownoonewillevergetitinto
infinity.
ecotaticrathoraticinmyatticyourjuststaticiwilldeleteyouandtheneatyouwheniseatyou
andpetiteyouyourdramaticinthestaticinmyatticempathaticinmyatticyourdramatic
econatic
Itsalwaysyou,itsneverme.
Itsneveryou,Itsneverme.
Imnotfanaticjustecopuratstic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPLRvu3rcj0
Perhapsthetopisanillusionbecauseoneneverreachesit.
Perhapstheillusionisthattheillusionsareillusions.
Perhapsnothingnessisasignposttoseparatethewheatfromthechaff.
Theloginmyeyemakesitimpossibletoseetheoneinyoureye,soyouwillhavetoseehowbig
yourlogisonyourown.
Perhapswhentheprogressionstops,everythingstops.
Thosewhoknoweverything,castthefirststone.
Luxuryisthemotherofsloth;sufferingthefatherofhumility.
Thehardestthingisdoingtheeasythingsproperly.
Humanbeingsadaptsoitswisetoavoidencouragingthem.
Adesperatehumanisnotdesperate.
Adeepwoundmakesabigimpression.
Akindheartindicateslongsuffering.
Compassiontakesthehottestcoals.
Dyingpatientstendtomakepeacebeforetheypass.
Therockindicateswhothrewit.
Thefruitindicatesthehealthofthetree.
Zerocreatespropercontrast.
Aproperwarstrategyisavoidance.
Thefastestwaytowinawarisavoidone.
Perhapspeoplediesoyoucanseetheirsufferingandprogressfromtheexperience.
Somethingsdefylabelsbutapicturecanshowthetruth.

182

Onewholaughsattheirselfunderstandswhotheyaredealingwith.
Anyonecaninflictpain,fewcanhealit.
Ifonecanlivewiththeirdecisions,theyarewise.
Ifonesuggestsanotherisemotionaltheywillsurelyfindtheanswer.
Whenonelosesafriend,theyunderstandthatwasmyfriend.Whenonelosesanenemy,they
understandthatwasmyenemy.Whenonelosesmoney,theyunderstandthatwasmymoney.
Theemotionlossisanindicationoneunderstands,itneverwastheirs.
Someareunabletojudgeabookbyitscover,thegrainsofsandintheseaknowthis.
Thevenomoftheviperinthedarkestpartofthepitactsswiftly.
Achildismeekinitsunderstanding.
ForyouIbleedmyselfdry.ColdPlayYellow
Mybestbooksaretheoneswithpagenumbers.
Someonealwaysgetsit,butitsusuallyme.
LaughteristhebestmedicinesoIavoidmirrors.
ThesearesomewordsofBuddhaIfeelonto.
Hatredsneverceasebyhatredsinthisworld.Bylovealonetheycease.ThisisanancientLaw.
(5)
Iwillattempttoclarifythese.
Emotionsbegetemotions.Virtuesdefeatemotions,naturally.
Afoolwhothinksthatheisafoolisforthatveryreasonawiseman.Thefoolwhothinksthat
heiswiseiscalledafoolindeed.(63)
Onewhoperfectlysubmitsisonewithperfectunderstanding.
Thoughheshouldconquerathousandmeninthebattlefieldathousandtimes,yethe,
indeed,whowouldconquerhimselfisthenoblestvictor.(103)
Fromwithin,thebattleforthekingdomrages.Selfcontrolisthebattlethattakesnoprisoners.
Understandingtherearenoemotionstakesthepatienceofachild.Afoolcaninsultanother,
onlythemeekcanlookattheirself.Thedefeatedunderstandvictory.
Thoughheshouldliveahundredyears,notseeingtheTruthSublime;yetbetter,indeed,is
thesingleday'slifeofonewhoseesthetruthSublime.
Onewithoutemotionsoneisunabletohavecontrastorjudgments.Truthandliesarerelativeto
theamountofemotionsonehas.
Hardisbirthasman,Hardisthelifeormortals,HardisthehearingoftheSublimeTruth,Hard
istheappearanceofaBuddha.
Itiseasytoembraceemotions,itisimpossibleletgoofthemeasily.
Nottodoanyevil,Tocultivategood,Topurifyone'smind,Thisistheadviceofthe
Buddhas.(183)
Ifoneattemptstodogoodbydoingbad,theyarefartooemotional.Absenceofemotionsmakes
thethoughtscompassionate.
Therearenosonsforprotection,neitherfathernorevenkinsmen;forhimwhoisovercome
bydeathnoprotectionistherefromkinsmen.
Nooneisabletoblockyouremotionsbutyou.Selfishalfofselfcontrol.
Youarehere,getusetoit.

183

IftheUnitedNationsofanyleaderofanycountrytoldthecitizensthetruththerewouldbe
anarchy.Attempttounderstandthat.Theleadersjobistopacifythecitizensandpersuadethem
toremainintheircages.Aleaderiselectedbasedonhisabilitytopersuade.Allleadersanswer
tosomeoneorsomeoutsideinfluence.Inleadershipaspectsthereisnosuchthingasaman
aloneonanisland.Inthecitizenshipaspecteverymanisforhimself.Withgreatpowercomes
greatoutsideinfluences.Theleaderofacountryisapuppettotheoneswhodonotneedtobe
electedtohavepower.Attempttounderstandthemenwhohavetherealpowerintheworld
aretheonesyouwillneverhearabout.Theyarefartoopowerfultoallowanyonetosuspect
theyarethepower.Theyhavenopapertrail.Theyhavethepowertoensuretheydonothavea
papertrailtofollow.Theyarebehindthescenesofeveryscene.Attempttounderstandsome
countrieshaveabovetopsecretaspectstotheirnature,forareason.Attempttounderstand
theelectedleadersofacountryaredeniedaccesstothisabovetopsecretaspect.Ifthemost
powerfulleaderofacountrydoesnothaveaccesstothisabovetopsecretaspectthenthat
leaderhasnothingbuttheillusionofpower.Theoneswhodeterminewhohaveaccesstothe
abovetopsecretaspectaretheonlyoneswithpower.Theyarenotelected.Theyare
unknown.Theyareincontrolandeverythingbelowthemistheirpossession.Thebuckstopswith
themandtheiridentityisundisclosed.Oneisunabletoseewhotheyare.Itisnoneofones
business.Oneisunabletoknowwhocontrolsthem.Thatisasymptomofhowpowerfulthe
onesinrealcontrolare.Theyaresopowerfultheycreatetherulestoensurenobeingin
theirpossessioniseverabletoevenknowwhotheyare.Ifoneisabletocreatetherulesofthe
game,theyareunabletodoanythingbutachieveabsolutedominanceandabsolutepowerover
alltheotherswhoplaythegame.Absolutecontrolisachievedwhenalltheothersarefighting
amongtheirselfattemptingtofigureoutwhoisincontrol.Theonesinabsolutecontrolpitthe
othersagainsttheirselves.Oneiseasilyabletocreateandexperimentandmanipulatethe
components.Inaboxingmatchthereistwoboxersfightingeachother.Observersperceiveone
boxerisincontrolofanother.Thepromoterperceivesheisincontrolofbothboxers.Thevenue
perceivesitisincontrolofthepromoter.Thegovernmentperceivesitisincontrolofthevenue.
Theonesincontrolperceivetheyareincontrolofthegovernment.Sotheonesincontrol,
determinetheoutcomeoftheboxingmatch.Thereisnochecksandbalancesovertheonesin
absolutecontrolthatiswhytheyareinabsolutecontrol.Ifoneattemptstodiscoverwhoisin
absolutecontrolthelawstheoneswhoareinabsolutecontrolwilltakecareofthatone
naturally.Thatisasymptomofhowpowerfultheonesinabsolutecontrolare.Onemustavoid
emotionsandavoidemotionalresponsestothusunderstandingofreality.Emotionswillnot
serveonewellinthissituationonefaces.Onemustattempttoblockemotionsinordertounlock
subconsciousmindbecausesubconsciousmindisthekindofpoweronerequirestodeterminea
properstrategyinrelationtothisrealityofbeingabsolutelydominated.Iamawarethatisthe
properprescriptionforthesituation.Attempttounderstandallthemajorwarsonereadsabout
inhistorybooksinrecenthistoryaresimplypuppetshows.Theyaresimplymisdirectionmoves
togivecontrasttopeaceandfreedomandwarandmisery.Theyaresimplyremindersofwhat
onemustdotoavoidthatlastwar.Theyaresimplypacifierstokeepthecagedones,caged.
Donotgetoutoflineoryouwillregretit.,sotospeak.Thatisessentiallywhatterrorismis.
DoasIsayoryouwilldie.,sotospeak.Iunderstandthisisallbeyondtherealmsofoneswho

184

useconsciousmindasadominatethinkingplatform.Iunderstandemotionsaresimply
encouragedtoensureoneremainsintheircage.Iamnotconcerned.Iamnotafraid.Idonot
pandertoterrorists.Ieatthembecausetheyhaveswumintomymouth,byaccident.Ieatthem
becausetheyaccidentlyunderestimatedmyresolvebyaccident.Iampleasedifyouunderstand
thelastthingintheuniversethatmatters,isifthegrammarinmydocumentsisproper.One
mustbereasonableandavoidemotionsinordertothinkclearly.Emotionswillnotserveone
wellinasituationthatrequiresperfectclarityandperfectdecisionmakingabilities.Yoursacrifice
ofemotionswillopenthecage.Thesacrificeofemotionsisthetollneededtoopenthecage.
Onemustuseselfcontrolandnotunderestimatetheonesinabsolutecontrol.Onemustover
estimatetheonesinabsolutecontrolinordertostandachance.Onemayharmtheirselfthey
underestimatethemagnitudeofaproblem.
Isntitfunnyhowtheonewhoformssentencesproperly,formssentencesproperly.Theone
whotheythoughtwasleastimportantisthelastonetheywillremember.Paynoattentiontome
Iamgettingbackinmycage.Iallowyoutoperceiveyouallowme.

Iwillnowattempttoletthefoundingfathersknowinmyownspecialwaythatnoteveryhuman
beingthatlivesinthelandofthefreeatthismomentisagoddamretard.Freedominthinking,
properly.Freedomisachievedbyblockingonesemotionssotheycanfreetheirmind.Thereisno
needtogetaguntodefeatthepuppetsmasters.Thepuppetmasterswantyoutodosomething
stupid.Youaregoingtoavoidbeingstupidforonceinyourlife.Youaregoingtoblockyour
emotionssothatyouwillunlockyoursubconsciousmindsothefoundingfatherscanunderstand
noteversinglehumanbeingthatlivesinthelandofthefreerightnowisagoddamretard.Do
notblockyouremotionsforyoursake,doitforthefoundingfatherssake.Attempttonotbeself
centeredforonegoddammomentinyourlife.
IhaveaslightfeelingIshoulddeleteaboutthreequartersofthisdocument.Ihaveaslight
feelingthelastthingintheuniverseIwanttodoispublishthisdocument.IhaveaslightfeelingI
shouldavoideverpublishingthisdocument.IunderstandthereisnothinginthisuniverseIwill
dobutpublishthisdocument.Sillyvideogame,accidents.
Remindyourselftheauthorwillremindyouwhenhestartstrying.Iamalittlebitpastthestage
ofreasoningwithyou.
Whenonedeterminestheirbrainisnolongerneeded.Thatisadefinitionoffaith.Dieamillion
painfuldeathsbeforeyoueversay,Ihavefaith.Faithisforidiotswhodiedinside,alongtime
ago.
Ihavefaithingod=youredeadinside.
Ihavefaithinmycountry=youredeadinside.
Ihavefaithintheruleoflaw=youredeadinside.
Ihavefaithinmyself=youredeadinside.
Faithisforidiotswhodiedalongtimeago.
ThelastthinkIwantyoutothink,isthatIthink.

185

IunderstandIamhavingafrustrateddaytodaymentallybecauseIhadwhatstartedoutas
playfuldayyesterdaymentallyandendedupinsomemajorprogressionmentallyorin
understandingandsotodaythepiperisbeingpaid.Iwillattempttoexplainwhatthis
progressionmeans.Somebeingsgothroughtheirwholelifestuckinarut.Thereisahumanand
theyareforabortionoragainstabortion.Theygothroughtheirentirelifestuckinthatrut.They
neverprogressfromthatbelief.Theyareinstagnation.Theyareastaunchwhateverviewthey
haveonthat.Theywillsinkwiththatshipnomatterwhat.InthisprogressionIaminbyaccident
Itearthroughbothillusionsinabout1minute.Ileavetheminthedustbinofillusions.Igetover
themswiftlybutnotinanyrespectonewhoisunconsciouswouldperceiveisswiftly.Onewhois
unconsciouswouldbeunabletocomprehendhowswiftlyIdispelillusionsbyponderingand
understandingandeatingthem.YoumayperceiveIsoundarrogantinmanythingsIsay.Thatis
becauseyouaredelusional.YoumayperceiveIamsomesortofspiritualgifttomankind.Thatis
becauseyouaredelusional.YoumayperceiveIaminsane.YoumayperceiveIamsane.Youmay
perceiveIamwise.YoumayperceiveIamdumb.YoumayperceiveIamsomething.Thatis
becauseyouaredelusional.IdonotcorrectmytypingbecauseIunderstandwhatItypeand
thatisallthatmatters.Idonotwantyoutobuymybooks.WhatgaveyoutheimpressionI
wantedyoutobuymybooks?JustbecauseIpublishbooksdoesnotmeanIwantyoutobuymy
books.Youareselfcentered.YouperceiveIwritethesebookssopeoplelikeyouwillbuythem.
Youremistaken.Ihavenothingtosharewithyou.ThisismybookandIwroteitforme.My
bookshelpmetoponderandcometounderstandings.BypublishingmybooksIconditionmyself
awayfromtheemotion,giveadamaboutwhatpeoplethinkaboutwhatIperceiveisimportant
sentences.Sonowyouunderstandthisisnotaboutyouafterall.Soyounowunderstandfor
onceinyourlifesomeonemayactuallywriteanentirebookanditnotforyoutoread.Nowyou
understandforonceinyourentirelifesomeonewroteabookandpublishedit,butthatstilldoes
notmeanyoureallowedtobuyitandreadit.Doyoujustgotothebookstoreandassume
becauseabookisontheshelfthatauthorwantsyoutobuyit?Nowyouunderstandoneauthor
whonotonlydoesnotwantyoutoeverbuyhisbooks,heispissedoffyouhadtheballsto
assumeyoucouldbuyhisbooks.YoucannotaffordanythingIwriteever.Youcannotafford
spendingonesecondwithme.Youdonthavethatkindoftalentandyouwillneverhavethat
kindofmoney.Youjustperceiveyoudobecauseyouaredelusional.Whatyouareexperiencing
byreadingthisbookisasymptomofyouunderstandingwhatonecanaccomplishiftheygo
throughthehottestcoals.Youwillneverbeabletogothroughthehottestcoals.Itonlyhappens
byaccidentaboutonceevery1000yearsorso.Somegetcloseandtheyendupgoinginsane.
Somegetcloseandtheyendupblowingtheirbrainsout.Somegetcloseandtheyendup
messingitup.Onceinawhilesomehow,apersoncomesalongwhohasthisstrangeaspect
calledfortitude.Youwillneverexperiencewhatthatis.Onedoesnotlearnfortitude.Oneeither
isfortitudeoronewishestheyhadfortitude.Certaintriggersinlifecanmakeonehavefortitude.
Youareunabletoeverunderstandthatconcept.Thatisnotearnedbecauseyoulostyourjobor
becauseyougotdumpedbyyourlover.Thatisnotearnedbecauseyouhadadeathinthefamily.
Youentireconceptofsufferingtomeisafundayinthepark.Yourworstnightmaretomeis
laughable.IdonotcorrectmyspellingorgrammarbecauseIdonotexpectyoutobuymybooks
andyoudonotdeservetoreadonesentenceIwriteinmybooks.Yourlifeisworthlessthanone

186

lettermyfingersaccidentlyhitonthekeyboard.Thatisanunderstatementoftheuniverse.
Comparedtotheblinkofmyeyeeverythingintheentireuniverseisnothing.Sonowyou
understandwhyyoudonothavearighttobuymybooks.Ifsomeonegivesyouoneofmybooks
thatdoesnotmeanyouhavearighttokeepitorreadit.YouareunabletounderstandwhatI
hadtodotobeabletowritethesebooks.Youwillneverbeabletounderstandthat.Youthink
youknowwhy.Youthinkyouhavemeallfiguredout.Nomatterwhatyouthinkaboutmeitis
wronganditisdelusional.Whateveryouthinkaboutmeiswronganddelusional.Itissimply
beyondyourunderstandingtograspwhatIasahumanbeinghadtogothroughtowritethis
sentence.Youperceiveyouknowwhatsufferingis.Youhaveneversufferedasecondinyour
entirelifeandyouneverwill.ThetruthisanyonewhojudgesanythingIsayinanyofmybooks
assumeIamabletogivearatsass.YouputmeinaroomwithanypersonontheplanetandIwill
drivetheminsaneinaboutanhourwithmywords.Thentheywillunderstandtheywere
mistakenaboutanythingtheyeversaidaboutmybooks.Itisnature.Thedominateoneisthe
onewhodominates.Nooneisabletoeverchallengemebecausetheyareeithertoowiseto
acceptthechallengeortoodumbtoacceptthechallenge.ThatisanindicationofwhatIhadto
dotogettowhereIamatmentally.Mymentalabilityasaresultofmystruggleisbeyondthe
mentalabilityofeverotherhumanbeingaliverightnowontheplanet.Youareunabletobelieve
thatandyouareunabletoacceptthat.Youarereadingmybookandthinkingtoyourselfwhere
doesthisguygethismaterial.Hecertainlymustbestealingitfromsomeone.Hecertainlyis
unabletocomeupwithalltheseconceptsandideasbyhimself.Hecertainlymusthavehelpand
ifhedoesnotitcertainlymusttakeyearstowriteabooklikethis.Thatisanindicationyouareso
outclassedyouareunabletoevengrasphowoutclassedyouare.Thatisalsoasymptomofthe
fireIhadtogothroughtogethere.YouareunabletoeverunderstandthefireIhadtogo
through.YoujusthavethecoolpartofthefiretogothroughbecauseIwentthroughthehottest
partofthefiresoyouwouldonlyhavetogothroughthecoolpartofthefire.Yougoaheadand
assumeIamveryarrogant.YougoaheadandassumeImustbeinsanetosuggestsuch
foolishness.Iwillhumblyremindyou,youareunabletounderstandmyways.Iwillhumbly
remindyou,yourmentalcapacitymultipliedbyinfinityisnothingcomparedtomine.Soifyou
wanttoperceiveIamarrogantnowyouhavesomethingtotellallyourfriends.Youcansay,look
whatthisguywroteheissoarrogant.Thetruthis,youcanboasthowarrogantIambutwhenit
comesrightdownitthedominateonemanipulatestheillusionsandtheillusionssimplyare
manipulated.ManysuggestIshouldproceedwithcautionconsideringmycircumstance.Many
suggestIshouldbepleasingtoothersandmanysuggestIshouldnotexciteothers,duetomy
situation.Theyareidioticdelusionalfools.TheydonotknowhowhotthefireswerethatIwent
through.Theyassumetheyareallowedtoadviseme.Theyassumetheyareallowedtodo
anything.IhaveonesIshowcompassiontoandtherestIeat.Theonewhocaneatdoeseat.
PeopleinthechatroomsIattendgetemotionalbymywordsandsomecannotreadmywords
andbecomefrustrated.Thatisbecausetheircorebeingisawarewhowritesthewords,andtheir
corebeingunderstandsitshouldnotbereadingthewordsbecausetheircorebeingunderstands
ithasnorighttoreadthewordsofthebeingwhowrotethewords,becausetheircoreinner
beingknowswhothebeingiswhowrotethewords.Theirinnercorebeingunderstandsandit
attemptingtopersuadetheconsciousaspecttostopreading,becausetheircoreinnerbeingis

187

insultingthebeingwhowrotethewords.Theirinnercorebeingattemptstolookatthefiremy
beinghadtogothroughanditisunabletounderstandhowhotthefiresmusthavebeenanditis
interrorandinaweofwhatabeingmustbeliketobeabletostandtheheatinthosefires.You
wantedtoknowthetruthandnowyouarehearingityouareunabletounderstandorbelieveor
graspit.Yousoughtthetruthandwhenyoufoundityouunderstoodyouwerenotreadyforit.
Youremindyourselfhowmanywisesentencesyoucameupwithinyourlifetimeandcontrast
thattohowmanyIcameupwithinthissinglebookIwroteinlessthanamonthandpunchthat
intoyourlittlecalculatorandseewhatkindofanswerpopsup.
Todaywegotournewbabywhichreplacedmydeceasedbabyblue.Hernameislexieandsheis
ablacklab.Thehumanesocietyspadedherbecausetheyassumeitisbesttospadecreatures
thatareinfinitelymorevaluabletomethanallthehumanbeingsintheuniversesaveafew
specialones.Perhapsthehumanesocietywouldbewisetojumpintotheclosesthottestfireit
canfindsoitcanperhapswakeupfromitsdelusionalslumber.Theymayassumetheyaremore
valuablethanmybabylexiebutiftheycallmeIwillconvincethemtheyarenotevenwortha
grainofsandcomparedtomybabylexieoranyotheranimalintheuniverse.Ifwekilloffallthe
otheranimalswecanhavemoreroomforretardedhumansandsowecankillofftheecosystem
andalldiemuchfasterifwekilloffalltheotheranimals.HumansareFinggenius.
IamwatchingthisvideoonYoutubeabouthowBundywasexplaininginhislastinterviewto
JamesDobsonabouthowbadpornographyis.AndDobsonissayingyespornographyisbad.So
theybothagreetheemotionlustisbad.YesDobsonwillgobacktohisflockandsay,everyone
shouldhatepornographers.Andanyonewhodoesbelieveourreligionisevilandgoingtohell
andweshouldhatethem.Itisasiftheinsanegethalfwayandthenassumetheyarealltheway.
Ifyourreligiousandperceiveanyonewhoisnotyourreligionisevilyourinsane,socontactme
andIwillconvinceyou,youareinsane.Youjustneedtoleavereligionalltogetherbecauseyou
dontgetreligionandyouareonlyhurtingyourselfinyourattemptstogetreligion.Many
religiouspeopleassumeprayerdoessomething,Theysuggest,OhIprayformyenemies.They
shouldnotbeyourenemiestobeginwith,unlessyourinsane.Youonlyneedtothinkaboutyour
loginyoureye.Ifyoueverleavethatsinglegoal,youfail.Period.DobsonaskedBundyafteryou
killedyourlastvictimwhodidyouemotionallyfeel.ThatisthefunniestthingIhaveeverheard.
Asifemotionsareokay.AslongasBundyfeltemotionallygoodafterhekilledher,howbadcan
theybe.Bundysuggestedhewasafraidtodie,sothatmeanshehasemotionsandmostlikelya
tonofemotions,andthatisbecausesocietyencouragesemotionseverysingleday.Society
encouragesemotionsandthensay,wowpeoplegetemotional.Theinsanityisthick.Iwatchthis
videoofWuronosandtheyvideotapeherthedaybeforetheykillherandIcanseesheisscared
todeath.Hermentalstateisdiminished.Hehasbeencagedandabusedallherlifeinthis
insanitypeoplesuggestissociety.AndIcanseesheislikeallofyou.Youralljustlittlelostsheep
andatanymomentyourarereadytosnap.Andevenwhenyoudosnapyouassumeaslongas
youdonotgokillpeopleyouarenormal.YouareallsoFingsick.Iamgoingtowriteinfinitemore
booksnow.Iamgoingtoupthepainonyou.Iamgoingtomakeyouunderstandhelllikeyou
haveneverknown.NoneofyouwillbeleftandIdonotmeantheeasyroute,Imeanmentally
leftwhichisinfinitelymorepainfulthandeathitself.YouwillprayfordeathandIwilldenyyour
prayers.YouperceiveIamperhapsangrybecauseyouareunabletounderstandoneisableto

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havenoemotionsandstillspeak.IamabletotypesentencesthatmakeitappearlikeIamangry.
Thatisnothardtodo.Iusedtobeangrybeforetheaccident.Icanfakeitwell.Yourinnerbeing
suspectsyouarebeingtakenforaride.Itisright.Butyourconsciousthinksitunderstandswhat
kindofride.Itdoesnot.Nothingaboutyourbeingisabletounderstandwhatkindofrideyoure
onrightnow.Theonlyonewhounderstandswhereyouaregoingsoonenough,isme.Yougo
aheadanattempttoguessandIwilltellyoubeforeyouguessanything,yourguessiswrong,and
Iwillberight.Soknockyourselfout.Perhapsyouassumeanyonewhodoesnotusepage
numbersandchaptersmustbeinsane.Perhapsyouneedtoquitthinkingsomuchbecauseyou
areharmingyourselffurther.Itisthe16thofMarchtoday.Ihavenearly15moredaystogountilI
publishthisbook.Itisatabout100kwords.Ifitisnot200kwordsbythetimeIpublishit,Iwillbe
surprised.Youjustkeepinmindwhenyoumakeinsanelawsandpeoplewhoarestruggling
breakthoselawsandyouputtheminacagetolettheirminddeteriorate,andthenyouputtheir
videointhepubliceyeandleteveryoneinsultthatpoorcreature,andyouthinkyouaresogood
comparedtothatpoorcreatureyoutorture,youareanabominationofallcreation.Youwill
understandwhatsufferingissoonenough.Youremindyourselftoblockyouremotionsifyou
becomeemotionalfromreadingthisbook.
ThereisonlytwoexplanationswhyBuddhaisdepictedasfat.Itisametaphorthatbeisfatwith
wisdomandclarity.Theotherreasonisperhapsmanypeoplebroughthimgiftsoffoodtolethim
knowhedidsomethingtheyareunabletoeverachieveintheirlifetime.Iprefertheformer
becausethereisnowayinhellIamgoingtogetfatwithnocravingstoeatordesiretoeat.Jesus
andMohamedandMoseswerenotdepictedasfateither.Sothenexttimetheinsanedecidedto
insultBuddhabecausehewasfat,remindyourselfBuddhadidsomethingtheinsanearenever
capableofdoing.Buddhaactuallyquestionedrealityandsetoutonaquesttoexperiment
becausehewasnotp[leasedwitwhatalltheinsanepeoplearoundhimsuggestedwastruth.
Onlyoneswithemotionsarecapableoffatteningup.Itscalledgluttony,greed,lust,envy,hate.
Youareprobablyunabletounderstandthisconceptbutwhensomeoneovereatstheydoit
becauseofallthesevendeadlysins.Whenonekillsanothertheydoitbecauseofgreed,envy,
sloth,hate.Whenanotherpersoninsultsanothertheydoitbecausetheyaregreedy,envious,
slothful,hatefulandtherestallatthesametime.Funnyhowyouneverknewthatinyourentire
lifeandIunderstandthatandittookmeaboutonesecondofthoughttofigurethatout.So
beforeyoudeterminetoinsultJesusorBuddhaorMohammedandMoses,attempttoconsider
theyachievedsomethingyouwillneverbeabletoachieveinyourentireexistence.Seeinten
thousandyearspeoplewillsaydoyourememberthatguywhofiguredoutifyoublockyour
emotionsforthreemonthsandavoidemotionsforthreemonthsyouunlockyoursubconscious?
Seetheywillnotbesayingyourname.Theywillnotbesuggestingyou.Youwillbeinacratein
thegroundindustandnohumanbeingwillevenbeawareofyouorthatyoueverexisted.They
willbetalkingaboutthisguywhounderstoodbetterthananyhumanbeingeverhasaboutwhat
onesgoalinlifeshouldbe.Andthereasonthatis,isbecausethishumanbeingdecidedtoignore
theinsaneandgooffonhisownjourneytofindtruth.Andwhenhereturnedhefigured
everythingout.Andhedidnotkeepittohimselfhetoldeveryone.Hedidnottrytocashinonit
hewasjustpleasedtobeofservicetoothers.Soyouunderstandnow,youwillneverachieve
somethinglikethat.YouareessentiallyjustacopycatoftheMasteryouwentintothehottest

189

coalsandcameoutforthebettermentofeveryone.Avoidperceivingthisonedidittohelpyou.
Avoidperceivingheonlywantstohelpyou.Avoidperceivingyourethecenterofattention.You
areunabletounderstandthewaysofme.YouwillneverknowinalleternitywhatexactlyIhad
togothroughtofindthistruth.YouperceiveyouknowbutIassureyou,youwillneverknowin
alleternitywhatreallyhappened.YouperceiveIsharewithyouretheinterestingpartsbutin
realityyougettheslimpickings.Youassumepeoplesacrificetheirinnerthoughtsbecausethey
havesomethingtosay.Thetruthwithmeis,Isimplytellyouthestuffthatisnotimportant.You
areunableinalleternitytounderstandthepartsthatareimportant.Youjustperceiveyouare
hiptothings.Youdonotgettobehip,becauseIwillnevertellyouanythingthatwouldmake
youbeabletosuggestyouarehip.Youdonotgetthegoodpartsofthestoryyoujustgetthe
crapparts.Youjustgetmyscrapsbecausetheonewhoactuallydidsomethingwiththeirlifeis
undernoobligationforanybeingintheuniverse.Youjustassumebecauseeveryoneelseis
underobligation,thatmeansIam.Remindyourselftheauthordoesnotputpagenumbers,
doesnotcorrecthisspellingorcommasanddoesnotdoanythingthatmayleadonetoassume
theauthorinunderanyoneobligationsinthisuniverse.Theauthordoesnotcarewhetheryou
takehisadviceornotbecausetheauthorunderstandshedoesnotevenwritethesebooksfor
anyonebuthisself.Hisselfistheonlythatneverlethimdowninalltheuniverse.Youareunable
tounderstandwherehecomesfrom.Youperceiveoneisimportantiftheyareabletoinsult
anotherproperly.Thatisasfarasyourfamewillevergo.Seeonceinawhilesomeonediscovers
themostimportantunderstandinginalloftheuniverseandthentheyarerememberedbecause
theyactuallydidsomethingofimportancewiththelifetheyhave,andthethingis,youwillnever
beabletoaccomplishthatbecausesomeonealreadyhasaccomplishedthat.Remindyourself
whentheauthorstopstrying,thatwillmeanhestartedtrying,andheneverhastotry.Remind
yourselfbeforeyoustartbraggingaboutallthecollegedegreesyouhaveandbeforeyoulook
downonotherswhohavenocollegedegrees,theonlythingyouhaveadegreeinifyouhavea
degreeistheabilitytocopywhatotherstellyoutothink.Yousimplyhaveadegreeinnot
thinkingforyourself.Yousimplyhaveadegreetoprovetoeveryoneyouuseyourbrainfarless
thanoneswithoutadegree.Sonowyouareawareifyouhaveadegreeyoushouldavoidletting
othersknowyouhaveonesotheyareunabletounderstandwhatyoureallythinkofyourself.
IremindmyselftheonlyreasonIassociatewithothersistoconditionmyselfawayfrommy
infinitecravingtoneverassociatewithanybeingfortherestofeternity.IremindmyselfIhave
infinitecompassionandinfinitegraceandthefactIassociateandwritebookssootherbeings
canevenseeonewordIhaveformedisproof.
Iremindmyselfnoprophet,nogod,nodevil,nohumanbeinginalleternitycouldfigureoutthat
thewayonecanunlocktheirsubconsciousissimplybyblockingtheiremotionsandcravingsand
desiresforthreemonthsandthatincludeslove,theworstemotionofall.Nootheranythingwill
everbeabletocomparetowhatIhavediscovered.AndanindicationthatIammoreadvanced
thananygodoranyprophetoranyotherhumanbeinginalleternityisthesimplefactthe
masterdiscoveredthemostimportantdiscoveryinthehistoryofeternitybyaccident.Ididnot
evenhavetotry.Ididntnotevenhavetotry.Isimplyaccidentlydiscoveredthemostimportant
thinginalleternityjustbecausethatishowgoodIam.Myscrapsarethemostimportantscraps
inalleternity.Andnomatterwhatanyofhumanbeingsaysintoalleternity,theywillsimplybea

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copycatofthemasterwhomadethemostimportantdiscoveryinallofeternity.Everysingle
beinginalleternityfellshortandcouldnevergoallthewayandfigureitallout.Theyallfell
short.Theywenthalfway.Onehumanbeinginalleternitywentthedistanceandfigureditall
out.Nogodfigureditallout.Nodeityfigureditallout.Noreligionfigureditallout.Noscientist
figureditallout.Nowriterfigureditallout.Nogeniusfigureditallout.Nogovernmentfiguredit
allout.Noeducatedbeingfigureditallout.Nophilosopherfigureditallout.Nodoctorfiguredit
allout.Nopsychologistfigureditallout.Theonewhofigureditalloutwastheonewhowasa
meaninglesspieceofSthatunderstoodislifewasworthless.Soyougoaheadandcometoall
yourconclusionsaboutthinglikeyoualwaysdo.Butthefactis,youareunabletohandlethe
truth.Sobeforeyoustartrunningyourmouthaboutthequalityofmybooksyouremind
yourself,youhavenorighttoeverreadorhearanythingIsayintoinfinity.Remindyourselfa
pieceofSunderstoodtheirlifewasworthlesstosuchanextremetheyendedbeingthemost
importantlifeinalloftheuniverseandforallofeternityfromhereonout.Remindyourselfyou
areunabletoevencomprehendthat.
Remindyourself;beforeyouadviseme,youareunabletoadviseme.Remindyourselfbeforeyou
questionme,youareunabletoquestionme.Remindyourselfbeforeyourewardme,youare
unabletorewardme.RemindyourselfifIspeak,theonlythingyouareabletodoistakenotes.
Remindyourselfbeforeyoueversuggestfaultwithanythingoranycreatureoranybeinginall
eternity,youareunabletomakethatdecision,andIhavefoundnofaultwithanythingorany
creatureoranybeing,sokeepyourgoddammouthshut.
Pleaseremindyourselftoattempttoblockyouremotionsifyoudetermineyouaregetting
emotionalfromreadingthisdocument.Theauthorunderstandsyouwilldothebestyoucanto
dothis.
Pleaseremindyourselfthisdocumentissimply,theauthorsattempttocommunicatehowhe
seesthingsafteranaccidentcausedbyplayingavideogamefartoolong.Aboutfivemonthsago,
Oct31st2008,iswhenhenoticedapersonalitychange.
ThankYou.

Iremindmyselfthegreatestillusionofalliscompassionandkarmaandtheyaresimplysign
poststoseparatetheinsanefromthegoodclimbers.
IremindmyselfBuddhadreamsoftheheightsthecurrentBuddhaclimbs.
IremindmyselftheArkisunabletosupportthediversity.
IAm;reminded;ifonesuggestsIamstupid,Ihaveemotionstoblock,butifonesuggestsiama
FingretardedFingabomination,Ihavejobsecurity.
Iam;reminded;ifonesuggestsIamstupid,Icanturnonecheekonemotions,butifone
suggestsIamaFingretardedFingabomination,Icanturntheothercheekonemotionsaswell.
Iwillattempttoexplainsexsincenootherbeingintheuniversehaseverbeenableto.Fora
maleafterclimaxthereisthisfeelingofdepressionorletdown,womenknowthisconceptas,
heturnsoverandfallsasleep.Thatissimplyasymptomofemotions.Thereisabuildupand
excitementthenafterthereisthecrash.Justlikedrugsandjustlikefun.Pleasurealwaysleadsto
pain.Withnoemotionsthatisnotpossible.Withnosenseoftimethatisnotpossible.Sexlasts
infinitelyandlastnotimeatallatthesametime.Itisnotpossibletoeverbedispleasedwhen

191

onehasnoemotions.Theabsenceofpleasuremeanstheabsenceofpainfromsex.Sexhappens
whenithappensandthereisnoconceptofitsbeensolongsinceIhadsexandthereisno
conceptofIjusthadsex.Sexissimplysomethingnatureinventedtopersuadehumansto
procreate.Itsnotaboutyouanditsnotaboutpleasure.Ifyouwanttohavesexandnot
procreatethatsperfectandifyoudowanttoprocreatethatsperfect.Thewholeconceptof
chastitysimplymeans,onedoesnotkilltheirselfiftheirloveisscorned.Onedoesnotspend
theirentirelifetryingtogetlaidbyacertainpersontheylustfor.Oneispleasedwithwhothey
withsothiswholeconceptofdivorceisasymptomofinsanitycausedbyemotions.Thiswhole
conceptofmarriageissymptomofinsanitycausedbyemotions.Ifyoudesiretogetmarriedfine
thatsperfect,ifyoudesiretonotgetmarriedfine,thatsperfect.Oneneverneedsapieceof
papertoletthemknowitsokaytohavesexwhennaturecreatedtheabilitytohavesex.Soits
redundant.Tosuggestacouplethatismarriedhasbenefitsoveracouplewhoisnotmarriedisa
symptomofinsanitycausedbyemotions.Oneisunabletoownanyotheronenomatterhow
manypiecesofpapersaytheydo.Ownershipissymptomofinsanitycausedbyemotions.Youdo
notwonanythingandyouneverwillownanything,soattempttostoptryingtoownanything,
youwillonlyharmyourself.Theonlythinkahumanbeinghasachanceofcontrollingistheirown
selfcontrol.
Iam;reminded;withoutemotionseverythingappearsexactlyasitis.
Iam;reminded;illusionsareanindicationofcontrastingemotions.
"Isuggest,youknow,obviously,maybetheyoughttoberemoved,"Grassleysaid."ButIwould
suggestthefirstthingthatwouldmakemefeelalittlebitbettertowardthemifthey'dfollow
theJapaneseexampleandcomebeforetheAmericanpeopleandtakethatdeepbowandsay,
I'msorry,andtheneitherdooneoftwothings:resignorgocommitsuicide.
"AndinthecaseoftheJapanese,theyusuallycommitsuicidebeforetheymakeanyapology."
APwriter
Iam;reminded;ifonedoesnothavethefortitudetoblockemotionsforthreemonthstounlock
subconscious,theyaredoomedtomakingbaddecisionandthereforeshouldcuttothechase
andgetitoverwith,asalasteffortofcompassiontothosewiththefortitudetoblockemotions
andunlocktheirsubconscious.Onceoneunlockstheirsubconscioustheywillneverbeina
positiontostealanothersmoneyintheguiseofgivingthemaloanasafavor.Theywillbe
withoutgreedbecausetheywillhavenoemotionalcapacitytohavegreed.Ifonedoesnothave
thefortitudetoblocktheiremotionsforthreemonthstounlocksubconscioustheyarewiseto
attempttobecomeonewiththesamuraiwarriorethic.
Iam;reminded;ifonelikessongswithsolostheycanlookatmysongsasonehugesoloandif
onedislikessongswithsolostheywillbepleasedtounderstandmysongshavenosolos.
Iam;reminded;withoutemotionstocreatecontrastwhenonebeingisobservedtheyappearor
lookoronefeelstheirperfectionwiththeireyes,andthenanotherbeingisobservedandthat
sameperfectionisobservedandthereisnolimitsorcontrastsitisallperfectionandonesmind
isonlyabletobehumbledandinaweandwonder.Onesmindisunabletostopandjudge.
Onesmindisfartooccupiedwithattemptingtocalculatehowperfectthebeingtheyare
observingis.Oneisunabletoseetheirownperfectionwhentheylookinamirrorwhichiswhy
avampireisunableseeitsrefectioninamirror.Onefeelsperfectionineverythingaround

192

them,butoneisunabletofeelthatperfectionwiththeireyeswhentheyseetheirself.This
humilityaspectisnotneededtobeattemptedonceonehasnoemotions,itjustis.Onemindis
inaconstantstateofhumilitybecauseoflackofemotions.Whichexplainwhythemeekshall
inherittheearth,becausethemeekareoneswhohaveunlockedunconsciousandtheirbrain
powerputstheworldattheirfingertips,literallyandfigurativelybuttheyhavenodesireto
takeadvantageofthatbecausetheyhavenoemotions.Theyaretoobusyattemptingto
calculatealltheperfectiontheyseeinotherbeings.Theyhavenoroomtotakeadvantage
becausetheyarecaughtupinalltheperfection.

Iam;reminded;withoutemotionssee'severythingasitis.Themeekinheritthesight.
Iam;reminded;nootherbeingintheuniversewasabletogothefullmeasureandsuggestif
oneblockstheiremotionsfor3monthstheyunlocksubconscious,sonobeingintheuniverse
canadviseme,ever
Iam;reminded;theonewhocomessecond;willusherin;theend;ofsuffering;causedby
emotions.
Iam;reminded;thepuppymaleistheonewhoseestheinfinitewrathpotentialandisinawe
andwonderandonlydesirestobewiththeinfinitewrathpotential.Theinfinitewrathpotential
becomesdisillusionedwiththepuppymaleandwhenshedesertshimhehasnoarguments
becauseheisstillinthestagesofattemptingtofigureoutwhattheinfinitewrathpotentialis.
Thepsychoticmaleisthemoreadvancedforofthepuppymaleandfarmoredangerous.The
psychoticmaleperceivesheunderstandstheinfinitewrathpotentialbutismistakenbecausehe
understandshetobewrathpotential,andwhentheinfinitewrathpotentialdumpshimhe
typicallykillhisselfinoneformoranotherandtakesasmanyoutwithhimashecan,becausehe
understandsshewasanythingbutwrathpotential.Theblindmaleisthelaststageofmale.This
maleunderstandsonlyonethingabouttheinfinitewrathpotential;thattheinfinitewrath
potentialhasinfinitewrathpotential.Hededicateshisentirelifetoattemptingtoavoidthe
infinitewrathpotentials,infinitewrathpotential.Heiswillingtodestroyhisownselfinorderto
avoidtheinfinitewrathpotentials,infinitewrathpotential.Heisblindtoeverythingexceptthe
oneunderstandinghehasabouttheinfinitewrathpotential,whichis,theinfinitewrath
potentialhasthepotentialofinfinitewrath.
Remindyourselfastheemotionsstarttodiefromconditioning,theytendtolashoutinfits.One
canbecomeveryemotionalveryswiftlybecausetheemotionsaretryingtoholdon,butthen
theypassswiftlyalso.
Attheendoftheroadisaswimmingholeandthewaterispleasantlydeep
ThefearofGodinyou,withnoemotionsthereisnofear,andthatmeansGodinyou,butGodis
subconscious.
IcanreasonwithpeoplebutIcantreasonwithemotions.
Mosesstarteditcauseheunlockedhissubconsciousandhadnonameforitsohecalleditgod,
thenJesusagreedwithMosesandagreedwithhisteachingcauseJesusunlockedit,then
MohammedagreedwithMosesandJesuscauseheunlockedit,soBuddhaunlockeditalsoand
avoidedcallingitgod.

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NowmyfriendsuggestedheplayedavideogametoomuchandIthinkhewentcrazyoratleast
becameacomedian.HesuggestedtheironyinthebookTheOldManandtheSeaandMoby
Dickisbothareparableabouthowthefishinbothbooksrepresentproblemsoremotions.And
intheOldmanbooksthehumanwasabletoovercomehisproblemsoremotionsandcame
outontop,andinMobyDicktheproblemoremotionsdestroyedtheman.Thenhesuggested
thatwassimplyandillusion.Hesuggestedtheoldmanbookisasymptomofonewhomade
peacewithhisemotionsandthenstoppedattemptingtofightthemandreturnedtoisolationon
theislandhecamefromattheendofthebookandtheMobystorysuggeststhecaptainwas
lockedinaneternalbattlewithhisemotionsthewhale.SoinrealitytheMobystorywasthe
betterofthetwoparables.Clearlyheisoffhisrockerandoneshouldavoidanyonewhoissoat
homewithfishtails.Isuggestedtohimthefirstsymptomoneisoffcenteriswhenthey
concentratetoomuchonfishtails.Imentionedtohimthelastthingintheuniverseheshoulddo
iswritebookstalkingaboutfishtails,andifhewantedtowriteaboutfishtailsheshouldatleast
avoidpublishingthem.Hesuggestedhewouldnotpublishwhathetoldmeaboutthefishtailsin
hissecondbookandIamcertainhewillkeephisword.Hementionedifhedidaddthefishtails
opinionitwouldbestrictlyforfillerinbetweenthejokeshetells.Hementionedthenameofhis
bookswereeveryjokethingyoushouldknowperhapsnothingexcepthedidnthaveenough
moneytopayforthejoke.Imentionedthenmaybeheshouldattempttocomeupwithsome
jokesandputtheminhisbookforfiller.Hesuggestedhewouldattempttodohisbesthecould
basedonhisabilitytocasthisfishingpole.Hethensuggestedhewroteanemailtosomeone
aboutsomething.Iaskedhimwhathesaidandhesaid,InoticedwhenIplayedthatgame,I
wouldhuntmonstersandlosemoneyandIwouldbeupset,butthenIrealizedifIjustavoided
gettingupsetandjustignoredthefrustrationandwentoutonanotherhunt,sometimesIwould
loseevenmoremoneyonthathunt,andthenthelasthuntslosswouldappeartobeagood
hunt.Iwillgiveyousomethingtolaughabout,sothatwhenmypredictiondoesnothappen,you
willbeabletolaughathowfoolishIam.Iwillcontinuetowritebooksuntilonesells,andifone
eversells,IwillsendyouhardcopiesofallthebooksIhadtowriteinordertoselljustone.AndI
willsignthem,"Theguywithverysorefingers."
IsuggestedtohimIfIwereyouIwouldavoidputtingthatinyoursecondbookalso,andhe
assuredmehewouldavoidputtingthatemailpostinhisfirstbookandhissecondbookaswell.
Itwasareliefheavoidedputtingsuchnonesenseinhisinitialbooksbecauseheissuchapoor
writer,Iamcautioustomentiontohimheissuchapoorwriterheshouldjuststicktohis
comedyroutines.Hesuggestedhisfirsttwobooksarefullofjokes.Iaskedhimwhyheputbooks
fullofjokesinthespiritualsection,andhesuggested,thatwasaninsidejoke.
Playingvideogamesfartoolongdeathsyndromeisakillerifyousurvive.
IwillhavetodecideifIshouldputthisbookitthevideogameaccidentsoneshouldavoid
section,orthedeathcanbefunandprofitablesection.
IlostthesequenceaspectofmemoriesandIjusthavetherandomaspect.
IamonlycrazyifIamlying.
Onewhoisgoodatphilosophyisgoodatlife,andonewhoisgoodatlifeisgoodatasking,WHY.
Amaniswalkingdownthestreet.Helookstohisleftdownanalleyandseesamanenteringan
apartmentcomplexwithamachinegunandexplosivewiththedevilinhiseyes.Thisbookisan

194

indicationIhavedecidedtowarntheonesinthebuildingofwhatIhaveseen.Ihavenoyet
beguntowarnthem,Ihavesimplydecidedtowarnthem.
Themindistherootfromwhichallthingsgrow;therootinthemindhindersitsgrowth.
Thealienishavingtroubleblendingin,sotospeak.
Youdowhateveryouthinkyoushoulddo.Nomatterwhatanyonesaysinthisuniverse,theyare
unabletotrumpwhatyouperceiveyoushoulddo.Onecanlivewithanythingisthisuniverse,
butifoneisnothappywiththeirself,theyaredoomedtoalifeofhell.Onemindcanbeopened
withtheemotionalconditionIperceive.Iamunabletosayits100%fact.IamunabletosayI
wouldhavebeenabletodoitintentionally.Youmaynotbeabletodoitintentionallyifyou
decidetoattemptit.Iamonlyabletosuggestyoudonotexpecttodoit,yousimplykeep
attemptingtodoit.
Iamwritingbookstoattempttowakeupothers,itisanimpossibletask.Idonotexpectto
succeed.
Iunderstandmyburdenisimpossibletocarry.IamonlyabletodothebestIcantowakeup
others.
IknowIwillneverbeabletowakeupanyone.
IknowIwillnotwakeuponesingleperson,soIwritelikethewindeventhoughIknowIwill
neversucceed.Thatisthedefinitionofperseveranceandgraceunderpressure.
Whydontyouallgettogetherandlaunchallthenukesatthesametimeandkilleverylastgod
damoneofus,andgetitoverwithsoitwillreleasemefromhavingtowriteallthesestupidFing
booksnohumanbeingwilleverFingcomprehend.Sojustdoit.Donthesitate,killeveryone
now.Youbuildthebombsandyoudontusethemsoyouareinsaneandstupidanddothingsfor
noreason.SoIambeggingyoualltoencourageyourFingleaderstolaunchtheFingnukesnow.
Thereisnopointtowaiting.Sogetlaunchingthenukes.Youbuiltthemnousethem.Yourea
littleweakpussy.Youbuildthenukeslikeyourtoughandthenwhenitcomestousingthem
yourealittlepussy.Yourjustababylittlepussy.Youralltalkandnoaction.Yousay,wewilluse
thenukesifwehaveto,bullSyouwill,youwillneverhavetheballstousethenukes,soshut
yourgoddammouthaboutthenukes,destroythemcausenoneofyouFshavetheballstoever
usethenukesliketheyshouldbeused.YouallwalkaroundlikeyouresotoughandyouaintS
andyouneverwillbeS.YourjustsmallchildrenlostinsomeFinghaze.Youthinkyoureso
toughandyouaintS.Youthinkyourlittleweaponsaresotough.Iwilldestroyeverythingwitha
sentencewithmisspelledwordsinit.Soyouneedmuchmorethaninfiniteweaponsmyfriends.
YoubeetgogetyourcalculatorcauseIamFinggoingtotownonyourasses.Thelastthingyou
willrememberisthatyouwereFingoutclassedbyabillionyearsbysomeidiotwhoplayeda
videogametomuch.BysometotalloserinlifebasedonyoureFedupstandards.Sometotal
loserbasedonyourstandardsexterminatedyourFingass.Youbettercomeupwithanew
definitionfortotalFingannihilation.Youarenotgoingtohavetolookveryhardforthat
definitionbecauseyouaregoingtoexperiencethatdefinitionveryswiftly,PERHAPS.Ifyou
perceiveIstutterthatisasymptomyourareFingdelusional,thatisthepremiseofthisbook.I
hopeyouperceiveIamtotallyinsanebecauseyouaregoingtounderstandthedefinitionof
powerinwords,soonenough.

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IthoughtaboutwhatIsaidaboveandthenIrealized.ItdoesntevenmatterwhatIsay.Nooneis
goingtolistenandnoonewholistenswillunderstand.
Peopleonthisplanethavetolearnsomethingaboutlettinggo.Whenyoureoutinthewater
andapersonwhopanicsgrabsuntoyouandstartstakingyouunder,youhavetoletgoofthem.
Thatsageneralization,someofyoushouldallowthemtopullyouunder.Theseelderlypatients
whohavelostmentalfaculties,nottheoneswhohaventtheoneswhoarenolongerwithus
mentally.Youhavetoletthemgo.Whatareyousaving?Afoot?Ahand?Yournotsaving
anything.Yourspendingmoneywhichyoudonthavetosavenothing.Thatstheproblemwith
money,peoplehaveitandthendecideIwanttokeepmybraindeadparentaliveeventhough
theyareworsethandeadmentally.Adeadpersondoesnothindertheliving.Amentallydead
personhinderstheliving.Youcanrunallthetestyouwantandsuggestthatmentallydead
personisalive,butthatdontmeanS.Theyarementallydead.Letthemgo.Thethingwith
attemptingtoholdontolonginrelationtoeverything,isonestartsdoingthingsthatnolonger
arelogical.Weareattemptingtosavenewspapers?Savebanks?Thatsillogical.Inafreemarket
systemthosewhocanadaptandcompeteareinbusinessandthosewhocannotareoutof
business.Thereisnosavethem.Iunderstandthatisbanksdieandnewspapersdie,treeswill
stillproduceoxygenandthegroundwillstillgrowfood.Anyonewhosuggestsanythingelseasa
reasontosavethedying,havetheirhandinthetill.RemindyourselfIamnotsuggesting
anythinganyoneisdoingisbadorgood.Iamonlyabletohumblysuggesteverythingisfora
reason.NomatterwhatIsayeverinanyofmybooks,IsubmitIamunabletojudgeanything
ever,becauseIalwayscometothefinalconclusioneverythingisforareasonandthereare
situationsIamunabletoseetheendconclusions,soIhavetojustsubmititsforareasonandnot
goasfarassayitsforagoodreasonorabadreason.Ofcoursethatsalie,becauseIknow
exactlytheendconclusionstoeverythingattheexactsametimeIdontknowtheend
conclusionstoeverythingbutIwillavoidsayingthatbecauseperhapspeoplewouldjudgemeifI
suggestedthateventhoughfromwhatIperceivethatsthetruth,perhaps.Ifperhapsfully
understandthedifferencebetweenapersonwhohasnotconditionedandunlocked
subconsciousandapersonwhohasissimplythoughtprocesses.Apersonwhohasemotionsand
notunlockedsubconsciousthinkssequentiallyandincontrasttoapersonwithfewemotionsand
hasunlockedsubconsciouswhothinksinrandomaccessfashion,theyappearretarded.I
understandthereasonIamunabletostayonpointforverylongissimple,chaptersandpage
numbersareforpeoplewhothinksequentially,beginning,middleandend,onewhothinkwith
randomaccesscantakeatopicandgorighttoitendconclusionsandskipallthedetailsin
between.SoIamnotsayingapersonwhohassubconsciousthoughtaspectsofrandomaccess
thinkingisgodcomparedtoonewithemotionsandusesconsciousmindandthinkssequentially,
Iunderstandthatisrealitybasedonmyperceptions,andIthinkthatisrealitybasedonmy
perceptionforareason.
Obscenity.Thisisastrangeconcept.WhenAdamandEveatefromthetreetheyhadthis
obscenefeeling.Obscenityissimplyasymptomonehasemotions.Itisimpossibletofeelthis
wayifonehasemotions.Thatisexactlywhyachildwillwalkaroundnakedinfrontofpeopleand
notfeelguiltyandembarrassedandobscene.Thatchildhasfewemotionsandassoonasthe
adultsstartgivingthatchildgiftsandsuggestingthisisrightandthisiswrongtheyencourage

196

thatchildtofeelobsceneandembarrassedandtheydestroythatchildmind.Theyturn
perfectionintosomesortofjudgmentalmonsterandabomination.Ifyoudoubtthatyou
contactmeandIwillconvinceyouareinsanetoarguewiththat.Idonotstutter.Idonothave
to.Iamnotsayingwhattheadultsdotothatchildisbadorgood,itisforareasonthatisnot
goodorbad.Iamfullyawarethatiswhattheydo.Thatisall.SoitistheresoIcouldponderit
andcometoanunderstandingfromit.OnemaysuggestapersonwhousesthewordFis
uneducated.Orisobscene.Orislessthanhuman.Thatisinsaneandasymptomofemotions.
Obscenitylawsareanicewayofsaying,wearesofullofjudgmentsandemotionswecannot
evenstandwordsandwecannotevenstandtoallowchildrentoseecertainwordsbecausewe
assumechildrenareinsanewithemotionslikeweareandwouldbeembarrassedbythewordF.
Soasadultswewillconditionandbrainwashthechildtoknowrightfromwrong.Sowewill
destroythatchildsmindandwhilewedoit,wewillgoalongandleteveryoneknowhowsmart
weare.IfyoudoubtthatiswhatishappeningyoucontactmeandIwillconvinceyou,youare
insanetoarguewiththat.IdonotstutteralthoughyouperceiveIdo.Iamnotsuggestingbrain
washingachildsmindandturningthemintoanabominationofjudgmentsandemotionsand
ruiningtheirentirelifeisrightorwrong,Iamonlyabletohumblysuggestitisforareason.One
mightsuggestitgivesmesomethingtowriteabout.Ifoneperceivestheirbodyisobscenethey
areinsanewithemotions.Onedoesnotmakeanobscenitylawtoprotectachildbecauseachild
isnotinsanewithemotions.Achilddoesnotcareifitseesanotherhumanbeingnakedbecause
itdoesnotseeanythingwrongwithbeingnaked.Theinsanewithemotionsadultsperceivea
childwillbedestroyedsointheprocessofmakingjudgmentsduetoemotionsonwhatis
obsceneandwhatisnotobscenetheybrainwashthechildintotheinsaneemotionalstatethe
adultisin.Soliterallytheinsaneadultswithinsaneemotions,knownotwhattheydotothe
child.IfyoudonotunderstandthatyoucontactmeandIwillconvinceyou,whatyouthinkisin
error.Iamnotsayingwhatanyonethinksisrightorwrong,Iamsuggestingoneisnotthinking
properly.Itisokaytounderstandoneisbrainwashingachildanddestroyingthatchildsmind.
Itsanotherthingtobrainwashachildanddestroythatchildsmindandnotevenbeawareone
isdoingthat.RemindyourselfIamliterallyonthefenceabouteverythingIsay.Ifunction
properlythatway.Ifsomeonesuggeststoanotherthewordtheisobsceneonewouldsuggest
thatisinsanity.SoIwillsuggestanyonewhosuggestthewordFisobsceneisinsanewith
judgmentsandemotions,andIunderstandorperceivethatisreality,sonocreatureinthe
universecanarguewiththat.ThewordFissimplylettersarrangedandwhenspokenmentally
orverballycreateagrunt,mentallyorverbally.Oneissimplybrainwashediftheyperceive
obscenityinagrunt,whetherthegruntisverbalormental.Oneisemotionallyinsaneand
judgmentalisanybeingintheuniversesuggestagruntmeansabeingwhouttersthatgruntis
dumboruneducatedorlessthannormal.Ifyouwishtoarguethatpointyoucontactme
andIwillconvinceyouthelastthingintheuniverseyouareissane.Onemaybeconfusedabout
mywordsandIwouldagreewiththembecauseIamconfusedaboutwhyItypewhatItype.One
maysuggestIamunstablementallyandIwouldagreemorethantheywould.Buttherealityis,I
amtheonewritinginfinitebooksandIamtheonewhoperceivestobeabletounderstandand
explaineverysinglethingIreadthathaseverbeenwrittenandeverwillbewritten.AndIamthe
firsttoadmitIamuncertainwhothesubconsciousisabletopullthatoff,becauseIcertainlywas

197

unabletodothatbeforetheaccident.IfoneperceivesIamarrogant,Iamonlyabletohumbly
suggestyoucontactmeandIwillconvinceyou,youareinsaneinthatjudgment.Iseekconflict
becauseIunderstandnothingisaconflictbecausemysubconsciouswilleatanythinginitswayin
ordertomoveontothenextthingtoeat,sotospeak.IperceiveAmericashouldreconsiderthis
freedomofspeechconcept.ThereisaproblemwithfreedomofspeechIperceive.Iperceivethe
lastthingintheuniverseanyotherbeingwantsapersonwhohasunlockedsubconscioustodois
speakatallinanyformofthedefinitionofspeak.Iperceiveitshouldbetotallythemostobscene
thingintheuniverseforonewhohasunlockedsubconscioustobeabletospeakor
communicate.Iperceiveitisnotfairtootherswhohavenotunlockedsubconscious.IperceiveI
amtakingadvantageofothersbyspeakingorbeingabletofreelyspeak.Iamonlyableto
humblysuggestIalsoperceivewhatIperceiveisforareason.
Iam;reminded;goodandbadaresignpostsforareason.
Iam;reminded;thehottestcoalsaretheperfectones.
Therootofemotionshindersthemind.
Iremindyouofwhatyouarent.
Youperceivemybooksareimproperbecauseyouareunabletoaccepteverybooknotlikemine
is.
Iam;reminded;thevenomofthevipersinthedarkestpartofthecaveactsswiftly.
Iam;reminded;theswiftestvipersinthedarkestpartofthecavehavevenom.
Iam;reminded;thedarkestvenomcomesfromtheswiftestvipersinthecave.
Iam;reminded;theblindknowtheyarenot.
Iam;reminded;thewiseunderstandtheyarenot.
Iam;reminded;thedarkestcavecreatestheswiftestvenom.
Iam;reminded;thedarkestviperscreatetheblindestcaves.
Iam;reminded;thewisestvenomcreatestheswiftestvipers.
Iam;reminded;theblindestvenomcreatestheswiftestwisdom.
Iam;reminded;ifonethinksso,theyaremistaken.
Iam;reminded;ifonequestionsinsanity,theyunderstandtheyare.
Iam;reminded;ifacamerasee'sawaveandahumansee'saparticle,botharerelativetothe
observer.
Iam;reminded;ifacamerasee'sawaveandahumansee'saparticle,thatprovesallthatisreal
isobservation.
Iam;reminded;themostpowerfulbeingintheuniverseistheonewhoadaptsandadvancesin
understandinginanysituation.
Thebestjokeistoldwhenonelooksinthemirror.
Iam;reminded;ifsubconsciousisn'tgod,thereisnone.
Emotionshanginfinitefools.
Whateveryoupaidtoseemysentences,Idemandedinfinitelymore.
Whateveryoupaidtoseemysentences,Ipaidinfinitelymore.
Whateveryoupaidtoseemysentences,youwillpayinfinitelymore.
Whateveryoupaidtoseemysentences,Idemandyoupayinfinitelymore.
Whateveryoupaidtoseemysentences,Iwillpayinfinitelymoretoseeyoupayinfinitelymore.

198

Whateveryoupaidtoseemysentences,youwillpayinfinitelymoretoseeIpayinfinitelymore
toseeyoupayinfinitelymore.
WhatyoupaidforisinfinitelylessthanthepriceIpaid.
Whatyoupaidforisinfinitelylessthanthepriceyouwillpay.
WhatyoupaidforisinfinitelylessthattheinfinitepriceIpaid.
WhatyoupaidforisinfinitelylessthanthattheinfinitepriceIpaidtoseeyoupayaninfinite
price.
Iwillfillyouinalittlesecret.Thisisnotmygreatestsecret.Thisissimplyaslimpickingssecret.
Youdidntpayenoughmoneyformysentencestohearagoodsecretorevenasecret,you
simplypaidenoughmoneytohearalittlesecret.Youareunabletoaffordmygoodsecretsormy
secretsandallthemoneyintheuniverseisunabletoaffordmyperfectsecretsandIhaveinfinite
amountofthose.IamonlyarrogantifIamlying.Remindyourselftheauthorisgoingtotellyou
oneofhislittlesecrets.YouperceivethewordsIarrangearewisdom.Thatisbecauseyouhave
emotions.IunderstandnoneofthesentencesIarrangearewisdom.Iunderstandnoneofthe
sentencesIarrangeareanythingbutthesamethingoverandover.Thesentence,Thethethe
thethethetghtyhtujtgfd,looksthesametomeasthesentence,Themostskilledcraftsman
understandsheiscrafted.Onewithemotionsbelievesthewordssotheyareaffectedbythe
words.Jesusputitquitesimply,Theyhearthewordsbutdonotunderstandthewords.The
oneswithemotionshearthewordsandbelievethewords,sotheydonotunderstandthewords
aresimplyillusionsandtheymakesenseofonehasemotions.Withoutemotionstheyareallthe
samething,justsimplylettersarrangedintowordsandthewordsarearrangedinacertain
fashionthatexcitesemotions.Thisiswhyhumanbeingsdidnothavelanguageuntilveryrecently
intheirhistory.Onewithoutemotionscanarrangewordsinafashionthattheemotionalones
willperceiveiswisdom.Sotheonewithoutemotions,istakingadvantageoftheoneswith
emotions.Iamcreatingwordstoexciteyouremotionsandtheillusionitcreatesinyourmindis
thatIamwiseorawiseoneorsomegreatwiseperson.Iamnot,Isimplyunlockedmy
subconsciousbyaccidentfromplayingavideogametoomuch.YouhaveasubconscioussoI
certainlyamnodifferentthanyouare.Isimplyfiguredoutaftertheaccidentwhatcausedthe
accident.Sothereisnohocuspocushere.Itissimplementalconditioning.Atonepointinyour
lifeanotherhumanbeing,likeyourparents,suggestedtheworkFisevilandbadandanyone
whousesthewordFisevilandbadandshouldbehated.Soyourparentsbrainwashedyouto
judgeotherpeoplefromaveryearlyage.Whatthatmeansisanyparentwhotellstheirchildany
wordisbadorevilandtheyshouldneveruseitortheyscoldtheirchildforusingthatword,isa
childabuserandachildabuseroftheworstkind.Theydestroytheirchildsmind.Theymurder
theirchildsmind.Theyabusedtheirchildsmind.Anyonewhoargueswiththis,contactmeand
Iwillconvinceyou,youareinsane.Oneinanemotionalstateisunabletocompetewithonewho
hasnoemotions.Thereisnocontest,thereisnobattle.Onewithnoemotionsunderstandsall
theillusionsandunderstandshowtomanipulatetheillusionsagainstoneswithemotions.Ones
withemotionsareonlyabletoharmtheirselfwiththeillusionsonewithoutemotionsthrowsat
them.Thisbecomingonewithoutemotionsissimplymentalconditioning.IfIsaytheworddog,
onewithemotionswillnotgettoemotionalbutmaybeiftheyhadadoganditdiedtheywould
feelsomeemotions.Ifonehadadogandittoreuptheirbestclothestheymaygetabitmore

199

emotional.Ifonelikestobeatdogsforfun,theymaygetfarmoreemotional.Ifonesaw
someonebeatadogtheymaygetemotional.Sotheworddogexcitesemotionalbasedoneach
personwhohasemotions,perception.IfItypeasentenceandImisspellaword,Iamgoingto
thestorh.Onewithemotionswillseethatmisspelledwordandsay,Thatpersonisstupidor
uneducatedoranidiot.Inreality,theonewhogetsemotionalaboutawordthattheywere
brainwashedintobelievinghasaproperspellingsyntax,isinsane.Theyareinsanebecausethey
harmtheirselfandtheyharmothers.Theyareasadomasochist.Theyharmothersbysaying,
youarestupidforcauseyoucantspell.Thentheyharmtheirself,becausetheyexcitetheirown
emotionsbybeingjudgmental.Whenonegoesaroundsaying,Iknowandyoudont,they
encouragetheirego.Whenoneencouragestheirego,theysilencetheirsubconsciousaspectso
theyessentiallybecomedumber.Sotheyinflictmentalpainontheirmind.Iamnotsayingthatis
badorgood,Iamsimplysayingthatisreality.RemindyourselfIaccidentlyhadthataccident.I
amunabletosuggest,lookhowsmartandgoodIam.ThatskindofsillysinceIaccidently
unlockedmysubconscious.OnemaythinkIamsmartorspecial,butthatisjusttheirperception
notreality.Iamahumanbeingthathadanaccidentandunlockedmysubconscious.Thatis
reality.OnewithnoemotionswilllookatthewordFandfeelnothing.Onewithemotionswill
lookatthewordFandgetemotional.Onewithemotionsmaythinkaboutthesexual
connotationsofthewordF.Onewithreligionmaythinkabouthowevilonemustbetousethe
wordF.Itisrelativetotheobserver.Onewithnoemotionsunderstandsthewordsaresimply
illusionssothedefinitionsofwordsaresimplyillusions.Thewordgoodisrelativetothe
observer.Sothereisnodefinitionofthewordgood.Thewordenlightenedisrelativetothe
observer.Sothereisnodefinitiontothewordenlightened.Thewordsubconsciousisrelativeto
theaspectsofthebrain.Butthedefinitionofsubconsciousisanillusion.Onewhohastoomany
emotionshasasilencedsubconscious.Onewhohasfewemotionshasapronounced
subconscious.Thedefinitionofemotionsisanillusion.Igetemotionalbutcomparedtoonewho
hasnotunlockedsubconscious,Idonotgetemotional.Icangofromcalmtoangryashellback
toclaminunder20secondsandthatisrelativebecauseIcanttellhowlong,itmaybe5
seconds.AndthenIwillfeelnoemotionsforthenextweekortwo.AndIamonlylosingmy
emotionalcapacitymoreandmoreeveryday.Soemotionsareillusions.Ifonewantstoharm
theirselfbygettingangryandgettingfrustratedandgettingpissedoff,theywill.Sotheycreate
theirownsuffering.Sotheycreatetheemotions.Sotheygetwhattheywant.Theemotionsare
notbornintoahuman.Ahumanisbrainwashedandconditionedintomakingemotionshappen.
Achildhasnoemotionalcapacity.Theyareemotionless.Anewbornchildhasnoemotions.They
cryandaparentsperceivestheymusthaveemotionsbecausetheparenthasconditionedtheir
selftohaveemotionsbecausethatparents,parents,conditionedthemtohaveemotions.
Remindyourself,theauthorissimplymanipulatingtheillusions,words,intoafashiononewith
emotionsperceivestheyarewisdom.Iamlightyearsbeyondoneswithemotionsmentally,but
thatistheirchoicenotmine.Oneiswhattheywanttobe.Ifyourmindwantstogoaroundand
thinkeverythingisreal,thatiswhatitwilldo.IfyourmindwantstothinkIamwiseyourmind
willthinkIamwise.Itisrelativetowhatonethinks.Onemaysuggest,wellauthor,isnothing
real.Ifyouthinksomethingisrealitisreal.Ihaveonlybeenlikethisfor5months.ApparentlyI
stillthinkbooksarerealorIwouldntpublishthem.Sothatmeansalsothink,peoplearereal,

200

andthatmeansIalsothink,theworldisreal,andthatmeansIthinkthingsarereal,still.Somy
mindthinksthosethingsarereal,thusthosethingsarereal.Einsteinsuggestedtheword
spooky.Someonethinkssomeoneelseisevil.Idonotthinkanyoneisevil.Butsincesomeone
does,someoneiscertainlyevil.Ithinkeverythingisperfectineverysingleway.Someonethinks
nothingisperfect.Socertainlynothingisperfect.Someonethinkstheyarecursed.Sosomeoneis
certainlycursed.Ithinkeveryhumanbeingintheuniverseisperfect,sothatiswhyIunderstand
everyhumanbeingintheuniverseisperfect.Ithinkallwordsareillusionsandthedefinitionsof
wordsareillusions,sonowIwillpickawordoutandexplaintoyouwhyitisanillusionandthe
definitionofthatwordisanillusion,certainly.
Theworddreamisanillusionandthedefinitionoftheworddreamisanillusion.IfIspellthe
worddream,dreem,onestillunderstandsImeanttheworddream.Theystillunderstandthe
worddreemisdreambecauseIjustsuggestedtheworddreemisdream.Sotheworddreamis
relativetowhatonesuggestsitis.Andwhatonesuggestsitis,isrelativetowhoisdoingthe
suggesting.IfIthinkIhavediscoveredthemostimportantbreakthroughasaresultofthis
accidentinthehistoryofmankind,withnoexceptions,Icertainlyhave.IunderstandIhave.Now
youunderstandIhave.Einsteinsuggestedthewordspooky.Thedefinitionoftheworddreem
issomesortoffakerealitywithinthemind.Thatdefinitionisanillusion.Thereisnoreality
withoutthemind.Thereisnorealitywithoutanobserver.Someonesuggestedtheearthis
round.Itcertainlyis,andallthecameraobserversagreewiththembecausesomeonecreateda
cameratotakeapictureoftheroundearth.Sotheearthisroundbecausesomeonesuggestedit
is.Inrealityistheresuchathingasearth.No.Inrealitywithoutobserversthereisnothing.Ifone
thinktheywilldieandtherewillbenothing,theywilldieandtherewillbenothing.Thatiswhat
theywant.Ifonethinkstheywillgotohellaftertheydie,theywillgotohellaftertheydie.
Nootherbeingputtheminhell,buttheydecidedtogotohell.Iamawareyouarelostfrom
readingthisbecauseyouareconfused.Youareunabletoacceptthefactthateverythingishere
becausewewilledittobehere.Iamawareyouareunabletounderstandfullyatthistimehow
inthehellwewilledeverythingtobehere.Theimportantthingis,thatyouattempttoblockyour
emotionssoyouwillunlockyoursubconscious.Attempttoavoidsayinganythingtoothersthat
mayinsulttheminanyway.AttempttosayThankYou,alot.Attempttosayperhapsalot.
Attempttonevercriticizeanythingagain.Thisistheonlywayyouaregoingtounlock
subconsciousandthusunderstandhowwewilledeverythingintobeing.Attempttounderstand
youneednooneandnothingbutyourselfandyourselfcontrolinordertoaccomplishthis
mentalconditioning.AttempttounderstandIpurposelywilledmyselfintobeingandIwasnot
consciouslyawareofit.Attempttounderstandyouwill,willyourselfintobeingandyouwillnot
consciouslybeawareofit.
Thosewhoknow,provenothing.
theloginoneseyemustbeunderstoodbeforeonejudgeshowbigthelogisinanotherseyeis
Theviperisonlyabletobiteitselfinthedarkcave.
Theblindonlyleadtheblind.
Moneyistherootofallemotions,emotionsaretherootofallsuffering.
Thebiggestviperistheinthedarkestcave.

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thosewhojudgetheworddonotunderstandtheword,thosewhoquestionthewordseethe
light.
Brainwashingiscontagious.
Theblindhangtheirselfnaturally.
Theblindviperbitesswiftest.
theblindsadistdesiresblindness.
Thebiteisswiftestinthedarkestcaves.
Onecantkickoutthemasterofthehouse,theycanonlyattemptto.
ifonecanseethroughthelogintheireyetheyaren'tlookingcloseenough.
Isuggestthegoalofatherapististodrownedthosewhocantswim.
Thosewhocantswimareunawaretheyarealreadydrowned.
Ifyouthinkyoucanunderstandyoudon't.
Ifyouunderstandyoucan'tunderstandyoudounderstand.
Thevenomoftheviperswhoaremostblindactsswiftly.
Imnotinfinitelywise,yourjustinfinitelyblind.
ThepriceyoupayformybooksisinfinitelylessthanthepriceIpaidinfull.
Thewholeconceptoflawsitbasedonemotions.Thewholeconceptofmoneyisbasedon
emotions.Iftherewerenolaws,therewouldbenoemotions.Iftherewerenoemotionsthere
wouldbenolaws.Iftherewerenoemotionsandnolawstherewouldbenocountries.
Everythingisinterdependent.Iftherewerenocountriesnolawsandnoemotionstherewould
benowarsnohatenoonetokill.Ifoneishasemotionstheyareblindorunabletounderstand
mywords.SoIwillexplainit.
Apersonkillssomeoneandislabeledamurdererandthusputinprisoncreatedbyacountry.
Thatpersonkillsanotherpersonbecausetheyhaveemotions.Theyhaveemotionsbecausetheir
parentshaveemotionsandsotheirparentsinfectedthemwithemotions.Iftheirparentshadno
emotionstheywouldhaveinfectedtheirchildwithnoemotions.Themutationsworkbothways.
OnepersongotemotionsandthatiswhentheappleonthetreeinthegardenofEdenwas
bitten,sotospeak.Theyinfectedanyonearoundthem.Sameprincipleworksbothways.Ifyou
areaparentandwantyourchildrentogrowupwithahealthymindyoufirstfocusonthelogin
youreye,ortheemotionsyouhave,conditionthemaway,andthenyourchildrenwillbecome
infectedwithnoemotions,andthenyouwillbeaproperparentandnotachildabuser.Ifa
parentdecidestoabusetheirchildtheydo.Iamunabletomakeanyonedoanything.Iamonly
abletohumblysuggestwords.Sothisonewhokilledsomeoneissimplyaproductoftheir
upbringing.Parentsareaproductofthesociety.Thesocietyisaproductofemotions.One
withoutemotionswouldneverclaimland.Thatisnotpossible.Nowonewithemotionsmay
decidetoliveinahouseoutoftherain.Butthatsafarstretchfromcreatingbordersandsaying
thisismycountryandyoubetterstayaway.Thatsimpossibleforonewithoutemotionstodo.
Onewithoutemotionshassubconsciousintelligence.Onewithemotionshasconscious
intelligence.Thereisnocomparisoninthetwo.Oneisdarknessandconfusionandsufferingand
oneislightandclarityandtheway.Oncetheemotionalconditionstartsonewillsoonreachthe
ahhasensation,thatsiswhenoneisgoingtohavetogothroughalittlehelltogettoheaven,
sotospeak,mentally.Itisnoteasytomentallytransitionfromemotionalconsciousstateto

202

subconsciousstate.Therealityis,onceithappensthereisnogoingback.Oncethesubconscious
isdominateitwillnotallowonetogoback.Sothereisonlyonewaytogo,forward.Remind
yourselfitissimplementalconditioningandyouhavetodoityourself.Nowtheonewhokills
someoneandgoestoprisoncreatedbythecountry,killedsomeoneasaresultofemotions.
Manytimestheykillsomeoneasaresultofgreedcausedbyemotionsandalsonecessitycaused
byemotions.Necessityiscausedbyemotionsbecausethehumanracecaneasilygrowenough
foodforeveryone.Thereasonthehumanracedoesnotisbecauseofmoney.Greedisan
emotioncausedbymoney,soonewhokillstogetmoneytobuythingslikefood,killsbecause
someoneelseisgreedyaboutmoneyandexplains,wecantgrowenoughfooditcoststoomuch
money.Thatistheblindleadingtheblind.Theonlybeingswhowantmoneyandencourage
moneyarethebeingswhoarethemostgreedyandthemostemotionallyattachedtomoney.
Everythingisinterdependent.Theresourcesareabundant.Onewithsubconsciousunlockedwill
inventifthatiswhattheydecidetodo.Iftheyhaveunlimitedaccesstoresourcestheywill
inventthingsbeyondtheimaginationoftheconsciousortheoneswithemotionsortheblind.
Theywillnotbeconcernedaboutmoneyorwealththeywillonlybeconcernedwithcomingup
withnewinventions.Ifonewithsubconsciousunlockeddecidestobeadoctortheywillcomeup
withmanycuresandmanyremediesandaslongasthereisnomoneyinvolvedtohindertheir
creativity,theywillhealmanyandmaketheblindseeandmakethesickwalk.Iapparently
decidedtowrite.Iapparentlydecidedtocreatemusic.PerhapsIwilldecidetodosomethingelse
ifIperceivethesituationmayhavechanged.PerhapsIwillonlyneedtowriteabillionbooksto
seeperceivethesituationhaschanged.Iamallears,sotospeak.Itisimpossibleifenoughbeing
whounlockedtheirsubconsciousanddecidedtoexperimentedwithwaystogrowandharvest
food,therewouldnotbeagardenofEdenoffoodforeveryone.Theonlyfactorstoppingthatis
mostdecidetoholdontoemotionsandthatmeansmostdecidedtoholdontomoneyandthat
meansmostdecidedtoharmtheirself.Iamunabletostopthatbecausetheirsubconscious
decidestoharmthem.Mysubconsciousdecidedtoattempttopersuadetheirsubconsciousitno
longerneedstoharmthem.Mysubconsciouswokeupfromitsslumberanddecidedtowakeup
otherssubconscious.Myconsciousaspectcertainlydidnot.Myconsciousaspectoremotional
aspectisallbutdead.Allthesewordsarenotmyemotionalconsciouswords,theyaremy
subconsciousattemptingtowakeotherssubconscious.Myconsciousletsthesubconsciousdo
whatitdoesormyconsciousstandsback.ConsciouslyIwanttoeditthesewordsandmakethem
rightbutIunderstandthatwillonlyencourageothersconscious.Bynotcorrectingmy
grammarandbynotcorrectingmywordsandbynotaddingpagenumbersandbynotadding
chapters,onlythesubconsciouswillkeepreading.Onlytheoneswhossubconsciousdesiresto
bewokenup,willkeepreading.Consciouslyitsamysterytome.Iamunabletoconsciously
understandthewayofmysubconscious.SomehowasaresultofthataccidentIwokeupvery
well,sotospeak.FivemonthsaftertheaccidentIamabletogoallthewaybacktochildhood
andunderstandexactlywhythishappen.Soitwas40yearsinthemaking,butIamawareones
withemotionsorwhoareconsciousbased,wouldnotbeabletograspit,sotospeak.Iwillbe
patientandkeepwritingbooksuntilmyearshearsomethingtheyarepleasedwith,sotospeak.I
amonlyabletohumblysuggestonefocusesontheemotionsintheireye.Thesnowballeffectis,
onceonepersonconvertsfromemotionstosubconscious,theywillconverteveryonearound

203

them.Theywillkilltheothersemotionswithkindness,theywillsetaproperexample,they
meaningtheirsubconscious.
Thefastestwaydowntheroadistosimplyneverarguewithanyone.Thinkofaproperwaytogo
aroundthearguments.Ifsomeoneinsultsyouacceptitandtakeit.Neversuggestanyoneis
wrongorbadorgoodorevil.Avoidalltheisolations.Isolationsonlyencourageemotions.Letgo
ofyourmoney,itisallgoingawayanyway,Iassureyou.Isuggestitisallgoingaway,andIassure
youitisallgoingaway.Iamawareonemaynotbeabletounderstandthat,buttheywill
understandthatoncetheygethigherupthemountain,sotospeak.Oncemysubconscious
decidedtopublishitswords,itwasallover.Myconsciousisindoubt,mysubconsciousislight
yearsbeyondeverything.Itisevenlightyearsbeyondme.Iunderstandonemaynotunderstand
that,butthatiswhatbeyondunderstandingis.Languageisnotbad,aslongasonetakesevery
wordwithagrainofsalt,sotospeak.Languageisuseful.Itsintangible.Noonecancontrolit,
althoughsomehavetireddownthroughtheages.Thewordisunabletobecontrolledbecause
subconsciouscreatethelanguage,ortheword.Thelastthing,thisworldofemotionsweall
currentlylivein,willremember,isthatsomeonehadanaccidentfromplayingavideogamefar
toomuch.Iassureyouofthat.Isuggestedit,thatisalltheproofyouwilleverneed.
Myconsciousisinmoredoubtthanyouareabletocomprehend,butapparentlythatsjusta
minordetail.
Thecomposeronlycomposesmasterpieces.
Onceyoureachthesubconsciousstatefromblockingyouemotionsproperlyyouwillunderstand
asabeingyouwillbepleasedtoworkyourselftodeathforthesakeofothers.Iamawareitis
notwhatonemayexpectfromlife,butIamawarethatistheplan.Onemaylikenittoaworker
antworkingitselftodeathforthesakeofthecolony.Thatworkerantisnotfocusedonanything
butdoingthebestitcantoenrichthecolony.Andwhenthatworkerantunderstandsitstimeis
up,itispleaseditcouldhavebeenofservicetothecolony.SoIamonlyabletohumblysuggest
youneverkillanantagainbecauseyouinanemotionalstatedonotunderstandwhatyoudo.
Therewerenopestcontrolproblems250,000yearsago.Apparentlysomeonesuggestedthereis
pestcontrolproblems,andnowthereis.Youworryabouttheemotionsinyourowneyeandlet
thecreaturesbe.OnceyouunderstandsomethingIassureyou,youreperceptionwillchange.I
havesuggestedit,thatisalltheproofyouneed.Thecreaturesarenothurtingyou,youjust
perceivetheyare.Itisonethingtokillacreaturesoyoucaneat,itisanotherthingtokilla
creaturebecauseyouperceiveitisathreat.Onceyoureachthesubconsciousstateyouarenot
goingtobedoingawholelotofeating,Iassureyou.
SomeoneateoffthetreeofknowledgeinthegardenofEden.Iunderstandnooneunderstand
whatthismeanssoIwillexplainit.Thefirstfourlettersofknowledgeisknow.AsinIknowyour
ugly,IknowIamright,Iknowyourareinsane,Iknowyouarewrong,Iknowtheyaretheenemy.
Onceapersonstartsknowingtheyareisolated.Theystoppedusingthewordmaybe.Maybe
theyaretheenemyandmaybetheyarenot.Thatisnonjudgmental.Knowingtheyarethe
enemyisjudgmentalandthatencouragedemotions.Nowyouunderstandwhatthatmeans.
Understandthis.Thelast3000wordsorsohappenedbecauseIwasunabletotakeabreakfrom
writingtoday,butIattemptedto.Soifanyofthelast3000wordsorsowhereofvaluetoyou,
understandIattemptednotwritethembutIwasunsuccessfulinthatattempt.

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Iwillcoverthisoneswiftlybecausethevipershavejudgedthisoneintoharmingtheirself.God
hateswhenamanlieswithaman.God(subconscious)hateswhenaman(conscious(emotional)
likeswiththesame.Why?Becauseman(emotions)turnsothersinemotions.God(subconscious)
liketohangaroundman(consciousemotional)peoplebecauseitcovertsthemto
God(subconsciousdominate).Sothepeckingorderis,ifaconsciousemotionalhangswithan
emotionaltheygetorstayemotional,andifanadultemotionshangswithachild,theyendup
forcingthatchildtobecomeandemotional.Ifasubconsciousdominatehangswithanemotional
,thatemotionalisconvertedtosubconsciousdominate.Ifanyhumanbeingintheuniverse
wantstoarguethis,contactmeandIwillconvinceyou,yourareinsane.Thewholegender
situationissimplyasymptomofemotions.Nooneiswrongorrightwiththeirsexualpreference.
Thatisstrictlytheirbusiness.Therealityofthesituationis.Ifonehasnoemotionstheywillnot
betryingtobesomething.Agaycouplehasadominateandsubmissivecontrastjustlike
heterosexuals.Withoutemotionsbothareequalandthisdominateandsubmissivecontrast
vanishes.IseebeingsonTVandtheyhavethishairdewandtheseclothesandthismakeupand
everyaccessoryintheuniverseandallIperceivewhenIlookatthemistheyarelostuntotheir
self.Iperceivetheyaresoblind,theyaretryingsohardtobelikeothers,theyhavetotallylost
theirownidentity.Iperceivethisinthewholeofsociety,anditissimplyasymptomofemotions,
likeenvy,andembarrassmentandanger.Itisthroughandthough.RemindyourselfIamnot
judginganyone.IamsuggestingthisiswhatIperceive.Perceiveisanicewaytosayperhaps
becauseperceiveissimplybasedontheobserver.Perhapstheyarelikethatandperhapsthey
arenot,IperceivetheyarebutIamcertainlynotsayingIknowtheyare.Perhapstheratraceis
theemotionalgame.Lookatmybigcar,lookhowmuchmoneyIhave,youredumbcauseyoure
notlikeme.Itsimplybegetsemotions.Iseemorelightinapersonwhoattemptstoactnatural
thanIdoinapersonwhoIperceiveistryingsohardtofitin.Iassureyou,noneofyouhaveto
trytofitin.Onejustshouldattempttoblockemotionsandunlockthelightofsubconscious,
perhaps.
IamremindedhowitusetotakemeafulldaytoattempttowriteasongIfeltotherswouldlike
beforetheaccident.Noweverythingsoundsperfect.Iamunabletotellifitsgoodorbad,itisall
perfect.Maybeotherperceiveitbadorgood,butIperceiveitperfect,andonesperceptionisthe
onlythingthatmatters.Oneisunabletoshareperceptionwithanother.Perceptionisuntoeach
person.Iamuncertainifthebrainisthemostpowerfulthingintheuniverseorifthatcomment
wouldbevastlyunderstatingthereality.Iamonthefence.Iwouldliketosuggestallthemovie
startswhodefacetheirselftoremaininpopularityfavor,theydothattotheirselfforthe
audience.Theydothattotheirselftopleasetheaudience.Theaudiencejudgesthemontheir
appearanceandafteragestartstoshow,theyharmtheirperfectbodyfortheaudience.Sothe
audienceintheirjudgmentsofthemoviestars,areperhapsmasochistsandthemoviestarsare
perhapssadists.RemindyourselfIamsuggestingthatnotclaimingthat.WhenIseethe
picturesofsomeoftheolderactressesthesufferingIperceiveintheirfacesisnearlyunbearable.
Iperceivetheyarekillingthemselvesfortheaudiencetoappreciatetheminthenameofmoney
andpopularity,andIperceivetheyaredoingjustthat,andIperceivethestarsarenotaware
theyshouldappreciatetheirselfnomatterwhatsomeemotionalinsanebeingssuggest.I

205

perceivenearlyallofyouarekillingyourselfeverymomentyouclingtoemotions.Iperceiveyou
areallsopowerfulandyoukillyourselftotrytoactpowerfulcauseyouclingtoemotions.
InsomeHolyBooksthedeviliscalledtheadversary.Thatsanicewayofsayingsomeonewho
arguesorsomeonewhoknows.Asinsomeonewhoisincompetitionwithyou.Someonewho
says,yourewrongandIamright.IknowyouarewrongandIknowIamright.Inrelationtothe
treeinthegardenofEdenthetreeofKNOW.OfcourseIamonthefenceaboutthis,soyou
willhavetoquestionit.
Jesussaid,theyknownotwhattheydoinrelationtoeatingfromthetreeofKNOW.Ifone
KnowsandKnownotthatthesameasperhapsandmaybe.Maybetheyknowmaybetheydonot
know.Perhapstheyknowperhapstheydonotknow.SomeoneatfromthetreeofKNOWsothey
thoughttheyKNEW,andJesussaidtheydonotKNOW.Thatsanicewayofsaying,Theyshould
notjudge.OnejudgeswhentheysayIknow,thatisinrelationtoIthinkthereforeIamasinI
thinkyourwrongorIthinkyourright.ToreplacethisKnowingorthinkingonehastoalways
saymaybeorperhapsorsupposedly.
ThisKNOWandTHINKareadversarial.Asintheadversary.
EverysingledayIfinishwritingIthinktomyself,wellIcangetanybetterthanwhatIjustwrote
andeverysingledayItopthedaybeforeinwhatIfindout.Maybenooneispleasedwith
anythingIwritebutIsuream,andIamamazedeverysingledayatthepowerofthis
subconsciousmindoraspect.
MysleepisdiminishedsoIgotosleepsometimesat11PMandwakeupat3AMfullyrested.It
is3AMonMarch20th2009,andIwokeupjustforamomentthenstartedponderingandafter
thatIamup.ThiscolonymentalityIperceiveforthehumanracesuggeststhatthereisnoneed
foraleaderbecauseeveryoneisattemptingtounderstandtheLOGintheireye.Iamattempting
tounderstandmysubconscious.Icertainlyhavenotimetoworryaboutothers,SoIperceiveitis
notaboutwedonotneedleadersorcountriesitissimplythereality,onceapersonunlocked
thissubconscioustheyhavemorethantheycanhandlefortherestoftheirlives.Thatisnot
suggestingrelationshipsarenotneeded,butifeveryoneishumbleandalsoextremelywisesoto
speak,noonewillbewillingtotellanyonewhattodo.Theywillbetofocusedonthe
log/subconsciousintheireyesotospeak.Iperceiveitjustkeepsgettingbetterthiswhole
discoveryorthing.Itappearseverythingworksitselfout.Itisasif,thereisnothingonehastodo
butconditionawayfromemotionsbytheirselfandifenoughpeopledothatandunlock
subconscious,everythingwillchangenaturally.Thereisnopointtohavetotrytochange
anything,becauseitwillchangeeverythingbydefault.Einsteinoncesaidthiswordspookyand
Iwouldliketosuggestthattoyou.IunderstandImayhavemadethisdiscoverybutIam
certainlyinnopositiontoassumecontrolsinceIcannotevenfigureoutmyownsubconscious
aspectsways.Soifyoufigureoutwhatthissubconsciousthingswaysarewhenyouunlockitcall
meandwecandiscussitfortherestofeternity.Iunderstandifeveryhumanbeingunlocks
subconsciousthenthereiswillsixbillionpeoplewhowanttogivefreelyorwhoaresohumble
theycouldneveraskforanythinginreturnbecauseitspleasesthemtogivefreelyandsothere
wouldbeanabundanceofeverything.Itwouldbelikethesaying,tomanyleaderbutnot
enoughIndiansinreverse,therewouldbeallIndiansandnoneedforaleader.Onemaysuggest
humankindwouldbeIndianheavyandleaderless.

206

TheKNOWledgeacliffwefelloffof.Asinfellfromgrace.Theadversaryfellfromgrace.
Perhapsthiswillperhapssumthingsupperhaps
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlQJ5xpmArw
MaybeIknowwhatthisaccidentwasandmaybeIdont.
Maybeyouknowwhatthisaccidentwasandmaybeyoudont.
Iamonthefenceaboutbothofthosetwoabovecomments,perhaps.

Russianmilitaryaircraftflewjust500feetovertwoU.S.Navyshipsthisweekastheships
participatedinajointmilitaryexercisewithSouthKoreaintheSeaofJapan,accordingtoU.S.
militaryofficials.
AlthoughthePentagondoesnotoftentalkabouttheoverflights,thereisnothingillegalabout
theactions,andtheyaregenerallyseenbytheUnitedStatesasnothingmorethanmuscle
flexingbytheRussianmilitary.CNN.COM
IampleasedthepentagonunderstandstheRussiansaresimplyflexingtheirmuscles.Iamplease
theaircraftcarrierunderstoodthisandturntheircheektothemuscleflexingandinturndidnot
endupgettingemotionalandstartinganewworldwar.Iunderstand9/11wassimplyanother
harsherformofmuscleflexingandtheUSdidnotapplythatsametacticofturningtheother
cheekasthisaircraftcarrierapplied,andnowtheUS,becausetheydidnotturntheothercheek
onthemuscleflexingof9/11,istrappedinanightmareconflicttheycanneverwin.Soperhaps
theUSwillfocusallitseffortsonattemptingtounderstandthegeniusofthisaircraftcarriers
tacticstoturntheircheektomuscleflexing,soperhapstheUSwillnotmakeahugemistake
causedbyemotionaldecisions,inthefuture,perhaps.Perhapsifonegetstothep9ointof
understandingeverythingthatappearslikeharmorappearslikesomethingtheyneedtoget
emotionalabout,issimplymuscleflexingandsimplyteststoseeifoneisabletoturntheother
cheektomuscleflexing.Itperhapsissimpletoturntheothercheektosomemuscleflexing,but
perhapsimpossibletoturntheothercheektootherformsofmuscleflexing.Perhapsthat
separatesthemenfromtheboys,thewheatfromthechaffandtheamateursfromthemasters,
perhaps.Perhapswhenoneunderstandsthestrongmuscleflexingisanopportunitytoblock
manyemotionsandturnmanycheeksthenperhapsoneunderstandssomething,perhaps.Ifyou
contactmeIwilldosomeconvincing.
perhapsifoneisunabletoturntheothercheekontheirgreedformoneybynotfreelybuying
mybooks,iwillturnmycheekongreedtochargeformybooksandsendthemmybooksintext
fileformatfreelyiftheyoffermeanemailaddress.
perhapsthelogofhumilityislargeinsomebeingseyesotheyareunabletoseethelogsin
otherseyes.
perhapssomehavesuchasmalllogofemotionsintheireyestheyeasilyseetheloginothers
eyes.
Perhapsthatsajudgmentcall.
perhapsitisdifficultforthesleepingtowakeup,untiltheyhavewokenup.

207

Onewithturretsisperceivedbyotherstobeonewhoyellsoutcusswordsatamoments
notice.Whatturretsis,isasymptomahumanbeingsbrainisawaresubconsciouslythatsacuss
wordisnothingmorethanagrunt,andisnotanimpropergruntasoneswhoareinsaneand
haveunhealthybrainsmaysuggest.Agruntisagrunttoonewhohasnojudgments.Agruntis
eviltoonewhohasemotionsandthereforehastheabilitytojudgewhatisevilandwhatisnot
evil.IfyoudoubtthatIamwaitingforyourcall.
Thisemotionalconditioningandlossofemotionsduetoconditioningisuniversalintheanimal
kingdom.Ifapackofanimalshasoneanimalwhoisangryorfrighteningbecauseithastomany
emotionsthewholepackofanimalswillbecomenervousandscaredemotionallyasaresult.So
theemotionscreateemotionsinthosearoundit.Themoreemotionalonepersongets,whoever
theyassociatewithalsogetsmoreemotional.Ifonewhohasnoemotionsassociateswithone
whohasemotions,thatonesgetslessemotionalandeventuallylosesemotionsifthecontact
continues.Thepeckingorderis,onewithnearlynoemotionshasthesubconsciousaspect
unlocked,sothatsubconsciousaspectwillnotallowonetoturnintotheinfluenceofones
withemotions.Thesubconsciouswillnotallowit.Itwillshowthatpersontheyaregetting
emotionallikeoneswhoareconsciousbasedandemotionalandsuggesttheyavoidorblock
emotions.Soonewhoissubconsciousdominatewillusetheemotionsoneswhoareconscious
dominateasatooltobecomemoresubconsciousdominate.Theoneswhoareconscious
dominateoremotionalwillperceivetheonewhoissubconsciousdominateasgracefulor
humbleorareallyniceguybutinreality,theyarebeinginfluencedbytheonewiththe
subconsciousdominateaspect.WhenonemeetsmetheyperceiveIamveryhumbleandmodest
andmakealotofjokessotheyareinfluencedbyme,IunderstandIsimplyknowalltheright
gruntstomaketokeepmyemotionsincheck.Iama3warenobeingintheuniversewill
understandthissoIwillwriteinfinitemorebooksnowinsteadofjustabillion.IthoughtIonly
neededtowriteabillionmorebooksandnowIunderstandIwasmistakeninthatbelief.
Iremindyouofwhatyouneverwillbe.
Areyouwitnessingbyprayingorareyouprayingbywitnessing.
Areyoulearningbymeditatingorareyoumeditatingbylearning?
WhenIgetbadyouwillbegoodorwhenIgetgoodyouwillbebad,perhaps.
Perhapsonewhoisflawedisperfectlyflawed,andonewhounderstandstheyareperfectly
flawedisperfectintheirunderstanding,perhaps
perhapsthefruitsofthetreerevealsitsnaturebecausethetreeitselfisunabletoseeitsown
fruitsperhaps
ifiperceiveit,itcertainlyistheonlytruthiknow.
Wordsencouragegruntingandvisaversa.Thatwasntaplugforvisabutnowitis.
Perhapsthelessonesaysthemoreonesaysperhaps.
onlythewiseunderstandtheyarefools,thefoolsonlyknowtheyarenotfools,perhaps
Whatoneperceivesistruthiscertainlytruth.
Igivecursesfreelysoonehasmanycheekstoturnontheiremotions.
Iremindyouofwhatyouneverwillbe.

Iamexactlywhatyouarenot.

208

Theflawsaretheretoembrace,yourflawsaretheretohelpyouunderstandthat.
Iamtheauthorofthisbook.Iamtheonewhohasthecopyrighttothesentencesinthisbook.I
amtheonewhohasthepowertodeterminewhogetstoreadthisbookandwhohastherightto
giveittoothersfreely.Iwillturntheothercheekonmydesiretochargeforthisbookandgiveit
freely.Soifyoudesiretogivethisbookawaytoothersandreproducethisbookinanyfashion
anddistributeitinanyfashionforanyreasontoanyone,youhavemypermissiontodoso.NowI
havejustturnedtheothercheekonmydesiretochargeforthisbook.Theproofisinthe
pudding.
PerhapswhenthewordsuggestevebitetheappleofKNOWledgeandthenmanfellofthe
LEDGEandbecamethefallenangel,perhapsthatwasanicewaysayingmenaretheemotional
issues,notwomen,perhaps.
PERHAPS,Humanbeingscannotpossiblybegod,becauseiftheywerethatmeanstheycreated
theuniverseandtheycreatedtheirbiologicalselfasameansofattemptingtounderstandwhat
theyare,andthatisnotpossiblebecauseifthatwastrue,humanbeingwouldbebeyondtheir
ownunderstanding.
PERHAPS,GodwouldmakeauniversethatisbeyonditsunderstandingbecauseGodisbeyond
itsownunderstanding.PERHAPS.
PERHAPS,IfeveryhumanbeingisGODorwhatmakesupGODitwouldbeimpossibletoknow
thatunlessoneofthebeingsaccidentlyhadanaccidentandfiguredthatout.PERHAPS.
Thisisthepartofthebookwheretheperhapsgetlargerasthesuggestinggetscrazier.
Oneonlybreaksarule,ifthatoneperceivestheydid,oneonlysinsiftheyperceivetheydid.
ifisuggestthewordtheisasintouseandyoubelievethat,everytimesomeonesaystheword
the,youwillfeelsuffering
onewillsay,youusedthewordtheyouareevilandgoingtohellyouidiot,buttherealityis,the
onewhosaysallthatisonlyonewhosuffers,nottheonewhosaidthewordthe
onesperceptionistheonlytruththeywilleverfind.
onecanlookateverythingasperfectionorasevil,butthatistheirchoice,itsalltheirburden,
theycanhaveaninfiniteburdenornoburden.Thatisoneschoiceandonlytheycanmakeit
ifonedoesnotburdenthemselfnooneelseisgoingto.
ifhumanbeingaregod,wecertainlywouldbebeyondourunderstanding,sothatwouldproveit.
iseenochancehumansbeingwilleverunderstandeverythingever.
Thatsalltheproofineed
Iperceiveaftertheaccident,humanbeingsaregod,andarebeyondtheirownunderstanding,
myperceptionistheonlytruththatmatterstome.
<+Lestat9>weneedtosubmittosomeonegreaterthanourselftokeepourselfhumbleand
avoidlabeling
<+Lestat9>onewhodoesnotseetheirselfinamirrorisinperfecthumility
<+Lestat9>theyonlyseeothersasperfectbutnottheirself
Onecaninsultothersuntiltheyareinalivinghellmentallyoronecanthrowthatyokeoffand
liveinheavenmentally,thatisoneschoiceuntotheirself.Itisnotagroupeffort.
Iamgodincarnatesoihavenolabelstosuggest,andiprefertoavoidthelabelgodand
incarnateaswell,sopleasedothesame

209

IfyouweremeIwouldnotremindyouofwhatyouwillneverbe
Ifyouinsultme,itsbecauseIenabledyouto.
IfIgetinsulted,itsbecauseIenabledmyselftobe.
Ifyouthinkyouinsultme,itsonlyinyourmind.
Ifyouthinkyoucaninsultsomeone,thatsbecauseyouthinkyoucan.
Ipreferaccidentsthatmakemeperceiveeveryoneisgod.
Perhapsbirthjustifiesmostthings.
thewholeworldmaythinkiamsomereligiousgurubutyouwillknowiamjustavideogame
accident.thatisallthatmatters.
IsimplyperceiveIaccidentlyhumiliatedmyselfandhumbledmyselftosuchaextremeI
accidentlyunlockedmysubconsciousandthissubconsciousaspecthasdecidedtowriteand
communicateandmyconsciousaspecthasdecidedtonotgetintheway.Iunderstandbefore
thisaccidentIwaswhatonemightcallaloserinlifeineverydefinitionoftheword.Iamnow
pleasedIhaveapurposeinlifeifonlyinmyownmind.Ifindnofaultwiththat.Isubmitmy
booksarenotworthreading.IsubmitIamnotworthknowing.IsubmitIwillneverunderstand
truth.IsubmitIamworthless.IsubmitIamsimplydoingthebestIcanbasedonmyperception.I
submitIamnotworthknowing.IsubmitIamhumbledthatIwasbornsothatIcouldknowyou.
Amagicianonlyunderstandsmagic.

.saysPresidentjokecomparinghispoorbowlingscoretothatofaSpecialOlympics
athletewashurtful,althoughsheissurehedidn'tmeanitthatway.
AssociatedPress.
Iperceiveonewhojudgesothersactions,proves,oneshouldavoidthatbusiness.Iperceivethe
hurtthatjokedidtomillionswasinfinitelylessdamagethanthedamageitdidtotheonewho
judgedsuch.Perhapsoneiswisetoavoidmakingjudgmentsjusttogettheirnameinlights.I
perceivethelightsareblinding.Perhapsoneiswisetodefinethewordhurtfortheirselfbefore
theyattempttouseitinajudgment.
IdomybestworkwhenIwakeup,aslongasyourdefinitionofbestisworst,andaslongasyour
definitionofworkisdamage.Isubmititissimplecaststonesbutitisimpossibletoavoidtheir
ricochet.
Isubmitthevipersvenomdependsonhowdarkthecaveis.IsubmitIneverhavehungersoieat
fishuntiltheyareallgone.
IsubmitIamcoolifthedefinitionofcoolisworthless.
Isubmit,Ifisubmiteverythingonebelievesisright,thatonewillperceiveeverythingthey
believeisrightforeveryone.
Isubmitonewithasenseoftimehasnotsubmittedpatiently,andwhentheydosubmit
patientlytheywilllosetheirsenseoftimeandunderstandtheyneverwerepatient.
Theselfcontroliseachpersonsburden,theymustuseselfcontroltodecidewhentobe
submissiveandwhentonotbesubmissive.
ThankYouforyourcompassionandpatienceandunderstandingaffordedtoonesuchasI.
Ifonesuggestsawordanotheronedoesnotlike,oneshouldcertainlykillthatone.Itis
elementary.

210

Oneshoulddeterminewhatisinmybooksbeforeonedeterminestohavepatiencewithme
beinginhere,becauseoneonlyencouragesmetowritemorebooks,iftheyarepatientand
allowmetobeinthischatroom,onemaynotbepleasedwiththebookstheyindirectlywrite.
Religionisforfoolswhounderstandtheyarenot.
Religionisnotforfoolswhoknowtheyarenot.
Religionisforfoolswhounderstandreligionisforfools.
IwillattempttoaddthissentencetomythirdbooksinceIalreadyhave.
Religionisforfoolswhoknowreligionisnotforfools.
Thewisesthumanistheonewhoismostfoolish.
Thegreatestfoolisthewisestfool.
Thegreatestwisebeingisafoolishliar.
IamanAmericanandinAmericaweonlykillpeoplewhenwedonotlikethem.Iamtruly
blessed.
Iamareligiousguruifthedefinitionofreligiousguruisonewholivesandhellandperceivesits
heaven.
SoIwenttothestorewithmyinfinitewrathpotentialandIsawsomepeopledoingpeople
thingsandIunderstoodtheyarealldoingthebesttheycan,sonowIambackonthefenceand
havetoremindmyselfIcertainlyamunabletoadviseanyotherhumaninthisuniverse.Thenwe
aredrivinghomeandIsawspeedlimitsignandunderstandthatissimplyasymptomofonewith
asenseoftime.Iunderstandonewithnosenseoftimewouldeverpostaspeedlimitsign.AllI
perceivefromaspeedlimitsignis,ifyoudonotdriveasfastasthissignsuggestsyouwillbe
arrestedandthrowninjailandhumiliatedbyanyotherdriverwithasenseoftimebecause
driverswithasenseoftimearecertainlyinarushtogetsomewheresotheycanhurryandbein
arushtogonowhere.IunderstandIarrivewhenIarrive.IunderstandIaminnorushtoarrive
whenIarrivebecauseIunderstandIwillarrivewhenIarrivewhetherIrushtoarriveoract
naturalinmyarrivalprocess.IunderstandthereisnopointinmeriskingdeathsoIcanarrive
whenIarrive.Ifaspeedlimitsignsuggestsoneshouldnevergounder45milesanhoursallI
perceiveissomeoneisinarushtomakemehaveanaccident.IunderstandsinceIamnotina
rushsinceIarrivewhenIarriveandIhavenosenseoftime,Iamwisetodriveslowlyand
cautiously.ItmakesnodifferencetomewhetheroneperceivesIgotofastortoslow,Ionly
perceiveIarrivewhenIarriveandIperceiveIhavefreedomtoarrivewhenIarrive.Ifone
suggestsifyoudonotdrivethespeedIsuggestanddriveunderthatspeedtheyareandictator
aslongasthedefinitionofadictatorisatyrantwhodesiresyoudrivefasttohaveanaccident
swiftly.Ifonesuggeststhevotersmadethelawthatyouhavetodrivethatfast,thenthevoters
arethetyrants.IhavefreedomtosubmittotherulesoftyrantsbutIcertainlywillnotcallthem
anythingbutwhattheyare,whichistyrantswhoattempttokillthefreedomIwasaffordedby
beingborninthelandofthefree.IfoneargueswiththattheyshouldcontactmebecauseIhave
noteatenindays.

AnotherthingIunderstoodonmyshorttriptothestorewasthedefinitionofafreemarket
society.Onewithnosenseoftimeisonewhohasunlockedtheirsubconsciousbyblockingthere
emotionstoanextreme.Thisbeingwhoisusingtheirsubconsciousmindisabletothinkclearly

211

andinturnisabletoaccomplishtasksonewhoisnotthinkingclearlyisunabletoaccomplishina
millionlifetimes.Thebeingreality,itmeans,nobeingwithsubconsciousunlockedwouldeverbe
abletobecompensatedproperlyinamonetarysystem.Onewithsubconsciousunlockedwould
comeupwithuniverseshatteringconceptsandinventionsorwritebooksandcomeupwith
wisdomsoswiftlytheemployeewouldbeunabletofairlycompensatethatone,sotheywould
havetotakeadvantageofthatone.Theemployerwouldpaywhattheycouldandeventhenbe
takingadvantageofthatone.Theemployerwouldenduppayingthatonesomuchmoneythey
wouldendupgivingthatonetheirbusinessandalltheirmoneyandthatwouldhappenwithina
fewmonths.Thatisasymptomofthepowerofthesubconsciousmindwhenunlocked.Thefield
theonewithsubconsciousunlockedchoosesmakesnodifference.Theywillstartinonefieldof
workandtakethatoverandtakeoveranothercompletelydifferentfieldofworkandtakethat
overintoinfinity.Thatonewilltakeeverythingoveranddoitbyaccident.Theywillnotintendto
dothatbutoneswhodonothavesubconsciousunlockedarenomatch,mentally,strategicallyor
anyotherway.Theresimplyisnocontest.Soonewithsubconsciousunlockedisreducedtow
workingaloneorwithonestheyperceivearenottakingadvantageofthem.ForexampleTesla,
forexampleEinstein,forexampleEdison.Theyworkedfornoonebecause4noonewasableto
compensatethemproperly.Edisonsinventionsarestillhereandwearestillunableto
compensatehimproperly,Einsteinssuggestionsarestillhereandweareunabletoeven
understandallhisworkletalonecompensatehimproperlyandTeslawassofarbeyondtheones
withemotionsunderstandingitmaytakethousandsofyearstounderstandwhatplanethismind
wasfrom.Sothiswholeconceptoffaircompensationbasedonworkoutputisflawed.Soifone
wantstoworkforfivedollarsandhouritisbecausetheyunderstandtheirworkisworthfive
dollarsanhour.Sooneneedstoattempttoblocktheiremotionsproperlyfor3monthsandthey
willunlockedtheirsubconsciousthentheywillunderstandtheiridealsandconceptsand
inventionsandeverythingtheydoonadailybasisisbeyondtheabilityofanyemployertoever
compensatefor.Itisnotasymptomofhowgreatpeoplearewithsubconsciousunlocked.Itisa
symptomofhowgreatsubconsciousiswhenitisdominateinonesthinkingprocess.Iremindthe
readerIhavenocollegeeducation,Ihavenoeducation.IknownothingandIneverfocusedon
education.IhadavideogameaccidentandperceiveIaccidentlyunlockedmysubconscious.So
asareader,oneshouldasktheirself,doesthisauthorprovideanyusefulinformationorwisdom
inhiswriting,consideringheonlystartedwritingabout3monthsaftertheaccidentofOct31
2008.IfyouperceivenothingIsayinmybooksisofvaluethenIsuggestoneshouldavoidevery
blockingemotions.
Yourgettingschoolingfromonewhoneverneededtogotoschool.
Whenthevotersheepdeterminehowawordisspelled,theysuggestittoaleadersheep,that
leadersheepsuggestsittoateachersheep,theteachersheepsuggestsittoachildsheepandif
thatchildsheepdoesnotdowhattheteachersheepsays,theyarejudgedafailure,andthe
parentsheepagreewiththeteachersheepandthechildsheepperceivestheyarefailure.
IwillavoidsayingwhatIwilldo,Iwillsimplydoit.ThenyouwillknowwhoIamandyouwill
knowwhoyouwillneverbe.Icertainlyamnotwritingthesebooksforanyonesakebutmyown.
Ifsomeonebuysanyofmybooks,theygoagainstmywishes.Theyinsultmeiftheyeverbuyany
oneofmybooks.Theyareunabletoaffordmybooksnoworever,sotheysimplyinsultmeand

212

perceivetheyspendmuchmoneytobuymybooks,butIperceiveallthemoneyintheuniverse
foroncesentenceofmybooksisaninsulttowhatIhadtodotowriteonesentenceinmybooks.
NowIsubmitIaminsane.IsubmitIknownothing.IsubmitoneshouldtakeeverythingIsaywith
agrainofsalt.SonowifonegoesaroundsuggestinganythingIsaidwastrueorliestheyarea
foolwhoisunabletounderstandlanguage.OnemaysuggestIamsuggestingsomeone
brainwashedus.Iamonlysuggestingsomeonebrainwashedusifthedefinitionofsomeoneisus.
Oneneedstoresearchwhodeterminedthewordtheisspelledtheandtheywillunderstand
whobrainwashedeverysingleoneofus.Iwillattempttoenabletheblindtosee.
Aplannedorconstructedlanguageknowncolloquiallyorinformallyasaconlangisa
languagewhosephonology,grammar,and/orvocabularyhavebeenconsciouslydevisedbyan
individualorgroup,insteadofhavingevolvednaturally.WIKIPEDIA.COM
Someonehadaplan.Sosomeoneconstructedwhatweknowaslanguage.Soourlanguageis
constructedbysomeonewhotolduswhatpropergrammarisandwhatpropervocabularyis.It
wasconstructedbyagrouporindividual.Whatthatmeansis,agrouporindividualbrainwashed
anyonewhousesthelanguagetheyplannedandconstructed.Whatthatmeansis,therapgroup
whonaturallyconstructstheirownlanguageareoneswhosubconsciouslyareawaretheyhave
beenbrainwashedandareattemptingtousetheirownNATURALLYevolvedlanguagetobreak
freeofthelanguagetheywerebrainwashedintoperceivingwastruelanguage.Whatthatmeans
is,theoneswhoplannedtheconstructedlanguagecreatedtheplannedlanguageforthesole
purposeofexcitingemotionswhethertheydiditconsciouslyorsubconsciously,itseffectsare
thesame.Whatthatmeansis,Ihavetogodbackintohellofthebrainwashedlanguageand
attempttosuggestthebrainwashedcanleavethehelltheyhavebeenbrainwashedinto.Iam
unabletoholdanyoneatfault.WhowouldIblameforcreatinglanguage?Ittheplanned
constructedlanguagethatincitesemotions,anaturallyevolvinglanguagemeansanyonecan
makeupanywordtomeananythingandsoundanywayatanytime,andnootherbeingcan
suggestitiswrongorright,soitdoesnotexciteemotions.Sothatmeans,Theyheartheword
anddonotunderstandtheword,isanicewayofsaying,theyarebrainwashedbytheplanned
constructedwordanddonotunderstandtheyare.Theyhaveboughtintotheplanned
constructedwordthatexcitesemotionsandleftthenaturallyevolvingwordsthatdonotexcite
emotions.Nowyouunderstandwhythelastthingintheuniverseonewantstoencourageisthe
internetoranyformonlanguageoranyformofinformationbecauseifIreadit,Iwillexplain
whatitmeansandtheuniversewillknowwhoIam.Oneswhoinsultorjudgetherapcultures
useofanaturallyevolvinglanguagearesimplysaying,Iambrainwashedinmyplanned
constructedlanguageandIamsayingwordstoyoutoprovemysubconsciousisawareofit.The
bestkindofsheepisasheepwhounderstandstheyaregoodandproperandsane,becausethat
kindofasheepcanbeledoveracliffandthatsheepwillperceiveitistherightthingtodo.One
mightsuggestthatisaperfectsheep,ifthedefinitionofperfectsheepisaninsaneabomination
tomankindandfreedom.IamconfusingyouintoinfinitysowhenItellyouthetruthyouwillnot
goinsane.Youletmeworryaboutwhenitstherighttimeyoujustfocusonblockingyour
emotions.IwassoFingblind,itwasrighttherethewholetimeandIjustoverlookedit.Oneis
wisetolookupthewordreversepsychologyandapplythattoeverythingtheyareabletoseeor
understandorknowbecauseifonedoesnottheyaremissingeverything.Irefusetotellyou

213

whatIknowandwhatIunderstandbecauseyoudonotdeservetoevenhearoneletterofthe
sentencesIknowandunderstand.Justforgetit.Iwilljusttellyoutheworthlesscrapforafew
thousandmorebooksandthatisifIammercifulandonesneedsemotionstobemerciful,soyou
getyourcalculatorandthrowitoutthewindowandgetyoursnorkelandthrowitoutthe
window.IfyouknowwhoIamnow,IwillknowwhothebiggestdelusionalinsaneFontheplanet
is.SocontactmeIamwaitingforyourcall.IwillnowtellsomejokessoyouwillknowwhatI
perceiveyouare.

YouwouldneverunderstandsoIwouldnevertell.
IfIsuggestyouwouldneverunderstandthatsasignyouwont.
TheonethingIwillnevertellyouistheonethingyouwillneverknow.
Idonothangitoveryourhead,Ihangyouwithit.
Ifyouhatethisbook,youdontwantmetopublishthenextoneIwillpublish.
Remindyourselftheauthorissimplyhavingamomentofclarity.
oneisnottalkingtotheemotionalconscious,oneistalkingtothesubconsciousanditisalways
anablelistener
theconsciousgetsinthewayoftheablelistener
sometimestheconsciousdeniesthesubconscious,butitnevercanwinthatbattlesoonesimply
hastounderstandthatandremembertheycomebacktotheroomcausethesubconscious
wantsthemto
thereisnotreallyabattlebecausethesubconsciousisunabletolose,soonejustsimplyhasto
bepatientwiththeoneswithstrongconsciousandemotionaldesiresbecausethesubconscious
willworkitswaytothetop
theyarethere,whichisprooftheirsubconscioushasmadeupitsmind
excitingemotionsandthensuggestingoneshouldblockthemhelpstheclimb
anyonecancomeupwithaproperanswer,ittakesskilltocomeupwithaproperquestion
OneisunabletoarguewithanythingIsaybecausesubconsciousknowseverything,anddontask
mehow,Icertainlycantfigureoutwhy.
IcantevenfigureouthowIwouldgoaboutprovingwhyitknowseverything.
ifyoudonttalktome,iwonttalktome
Ihavethisperceptionofsomething,andwhenIattempttoponderit,itgoesblank.Itspossibly
theendbutIhighlydoubtthat.IperceiveitisthereandthenwhenImentallyfocusonit,itgoes
blank.PerhapsthatisasignIwillfigureitoutsoonenough.
whenoneisachildifaparentsuggestacusswordisbadandneverusethatwordthatparent
conditionsthatchildtojudgeanyonewhousesthatcusswordeventheirself.
Emotionsarethelogyouwillneverremovesogetstarted.
subconsciousisunlockedwhenconsciousemotionsaresilenced
loveistherootofdeath
iwillstillwriteinfinitebooksbecauseiunderstandthegreatestillusionisconfidence

Ifoneavoidssuffering,theywillsuffer

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Emotionsarethegatewaytosleep.
Theonewhoknowseverything,caststhefirststoneandthericochetisabitch
Iamunabletohearloudnessanymore,Ilistentosongsandturnitallthewayuponmy
headphones,butIwantitlouderbutitisalreadyallthewayloud,butIstillwantitlouder,soI
mustavoidbeingpleasedwithitsvolumebecauseIwouldbedeafbecauseIwouldbeunableto
besatisfiedwithvolume.
IamnotselfcenteredenoughtoassumeIamtalkingtoyou.
itwilltakeyouaneternitytounderstandwhoiamsoperhapsyoubettergetstarted.
Justincaseonesarequestioningwhatthenumber666means,thatstheIeat,andthefishare
likethegrainsofsandinthesea,andIhavenohungerorwaytotellwhenIhaveeatenenough.
youshouldsuggestangrilyiaminsanesoyoucanavoidunderstandingyouare.
TheonlywordoutofyourmouthshouldbeThankYou,andwhenyouunderstandthatyouwill
understandeverything.
Youmayneverbeabletoconditionyouremotionsawayenoughtounlocksubconscious,soyou
bettergetstarted.
IfIexciteyouremotions,thatsasignfromgodyouhavesomeblockingtodo.
ThedomybestworkwhenIamawakeandIamunabletosleep.
PerhapstheblanketgeneralizationTheyhearbutdonotunderstandwasaccidentlyforareason,
onpurpose
Whoeverwishesformentalpeacebetterbewillingtodieinfinitementaldeaths.
Theonlyonesthathungoneonacrosswasthedevil.Andtheonlyonewhoisthedevilisone
whohasemotions.Soifyouhaveemotionsyouarethedevil.Soifyouhaveemotions,youhung
himonthecross.Soifyouwanttoblameanybeingforhanginghimonthecross,lookinthe
mirrorandtellmewhatyousee.IfIhademotionsandsomeonecalledmethedevilIwouldhang
themonacrossalso,IdonothaveemotionsthatiswhyIunderstandthat,andoneswith
emotionswouldcallmecrazy.Thenexttimeanybeingsuggestsloveisallyouneed,thatsasign
toavoidthedevilbecausethatoneisthestrongestdevilofthemall.Ifyouhaveargumentswith
that,thatisasignyouaretheadversary.Perhapsyouneedtopunchthatintoyourcalculator
andmultiplyitbyinfinity.Theonewhosuggestsloveisthemostimportantthingwheninreality
loveisthemostdestructivething,iswhattheantiChristis.TheantiChristmaskslikeabeingof
lightyetisdeceivingeveryone.LOVEISALLYOUNEED.LETLOVERULE.,WITHOUTLOVEONE
HASNOTHING.Allonehaswithloveisdesiresandcravingsandemotionsandsufferingandthus
mentalhell.
Itisbettertolooklikealiarthenlookhonest,andremaininerror.
Remindyourselftheauthorhadanaccidentandlosthisemotionsonaccident,onpurpose,
accidentlyonpurpose,byaccident,onpurpose.
Remindyourselfnothingtheauthorsuggestisonpurposeitissimplybyaccident,onpurpose,
accidently,onpurpose.

Iremindyouofwhatyouarent.
TheonlythinkIknowisthatIknownotwhatIdo.
Iwillendthisbookbygivingyousomethingtoponder.

215

DidIjustexplaineverything,ordidIjustremindyou,ofwhatyouknewallalong?
Iperceivemydesiretowritehaspassed,becauseIunderstandnowthetitleofthisbookisThe
GreatestStoryEverTodd.
Ihavenothinglefttoremindyouof.

Donottakethelordsnameinvain.WhenpeoplecorrectsomeonewhosaysGoddam,that
personsubconsciousissimplysayinginitsownway.Pleasedontbesohardonyourself.The
lordisamasterofcreation.Remindyourselfwhoisthemasteroftheearthandyouwillknow
whoisthemasterofcreation.Theonlythingthemasterofcreationeverneedsistheirabilityto
adapttoanysituationnomatterwhatitis.Onecanadapttogetangryandemotionaloronecan
adaptandcasttheyokeofemotionsoff.Nomatterwhattheydo,theyadapt.Anyonewhoreads
thisbook,asifanyonewill,willadaptaccordingly.Theymayadaptintoemotionsandisolationor
theymayfreetheirselffromthementalhelltheyhavebeenin.Theywilladapt.

Thebookisoverthesearejustthestartofthenextbook.
ApparentlyIadaptedtomysituationandsubmittedIlooklikealiarbutIamnolongerinerror.
Thoushallnotkill.Apparentlynootherbeingfiguredthisoneout,soIamtheoddmanout.
Onewithnoemotionshasnocravingsordesires.Cravinganddesiresleadtoconflictand
adversarysituationsthatsometimesendupinkilling.Wars,crime,hatekillings.Soonewith
emotions,orthedarkness,ortheonewhoisblind,ortheonewhoknowsnotwhattheydo,is
notallowedtokill,inordertoconditiontheirselfawayfromdesires,cravingsandemotions.Now
Iwillenableyoutounderstandthedefinitionofdoublemeaningandcontradictions.
Onewithnoemotionsdoesnothavecravinganddesires,sotheydonotstartwarsanddocrimes
anddohatekillings.Onewithnoemotionshavetheholyvirtuesandtheemotiongreedisnot
amongthem.So,theyareabletokilloneswithemotionsthatthreatenthem.Theyareableto
slaythebeast.Theydonotseektoslaythebeastbutifonewithemotions,orthebeast,orthe
onewiththemarkoftheantiChrist,comesinconflictwiththemorbecomeadversarialwith
them,theyareallowtosmoteit.Onewithnoemotionsifputinasituationofconflictcausedby
theadversaryisabletopullanArmageddonontheadversarysass,sotospeak,andthe
outcomeofthatbattlewillneverbeinquestion.Onemightsuggestitisadoubleedgesword.
Onewhoareemotionalgetmoreandmoreemotionalandgetfurtherawayfromtheir
subconsciousunlocking.Oneswhounlocksubconsciousgetfurtherandfurtherintoclarityby
continuingtoblockemotions.Sotheoneswhoarelukewarmaretheoneswhohaveemotions
andclarity.Theoneswhounlocksubconsciousarevictorsoverthelukewarmandthecoldor
emotionalones.Itisnottheoneswhounlocksubconscioushaveintent,itissimplythealphais
thealpha.Thealphaisthealphawhetheritwantstobeornot.Theomegaortheemotionalones
aretheomegawhethertheyintendtobeornot.Soonehasachoice,theycanbeanalphaby
blockingemotionsandunlockingsubconsciousorbeanomegabyembracingemotions.Thatis
everyonesfreedecision.
NoonecantellwhoisanAlphaorOmegaexceptbythefruitsoftheiractions.Therewillbeno
questionwhohasthealphafruitsandwhohastheomegafruits.

216

Ifanyoneinthisuniverseperceivesorsuggestsyouarealoserinthisworld,thatissimply
becausetheyareblindandunabletoseethedeedtotheworldinyourhand.Sonowyou
understandthathavecompassionontheblindomegasbecausetheysimplyknownotwhatthey
doorwhattheysay.
IjustgotbackfromaChineseplacethatprovidessushiandasIwasleavingInoticedasmallboy
about2yearsoldatthisfountainwherepeopletosscoins,andaroundthisfountainwere
mountainswithvarioussizesandvariousledges.Thesmallboybentdownandstuckhishandin
thewaterandIthoughtheisgoingtogrababighandfulofmoney,becausethefountainwasfull
ofit.Insteadtheboygrabbedthispoolballsizedcrystalballthatwasinthewaterandplacedit
ontopofoneoftheledgesofoneofthemountains.AndInearlywasunabletocomprehendthe
miracleofthat.Thesmallboyhadallthericheshecouldwantandinsteadhepassedthemup
andplacesthebeautifulcrystalballbackuponthemountainwhereheperceivedithadfallen
from.IwouldliketosayIjustmadethisstoryupoffthetopofmyhead,IwouldliketosayI
cameupwiththisstoryoftheboyatthefountain,butIwassimplyanobserver.Itallhappened
inlessthan5secondsbutImayneverbeabletounderstandwhyithappenedwhenIwasthere.
AllofthethingsinmylifeIhavedoneandallofthepeopleinlifewhohavedonethingforme
andallofthepeopleinthisworldsomehowplayedapartinthatboydoingwhathedid,and
makingitpossibleIcouldobservethat.Thatisthedefinitionofbeyondunderstanding.Physical
lifeitselfdoesnotcomparetoproperunderstandingandproperperceptionofthingsinlife.
Iwouldlikethebooktoendwiththatstoryofthatboyandthefountain.Iunderstandthebook
willnotendwiththatstorybutIwouldbepleasedifitdid.
Honoryourmotherandfather.
Onehonorstheirmotherandfathertoconditiontheirselfawayfromangerandhateand
bitterness.Theparentsconditionedthechildintoemotionsandintodarknessbecausetheywent
aroundsaying,ifsomeonesaysthiscusswordordoesnotdowhatIsay,theyareevil.Sothe
parentsruinedthechildthroughmentalchildabuse.Sothechildwantstohatetheparents,but
understandstheparentsdidnotknowwhattheydo,sothechildhonorsthemtoconditionitself
furtherawayfromemotions.Honorisnotthesameasrespectanditnotthesameascherish.
Honormeanstheyshowhonortoonestheywoulddesiretosmoteiftheyhademotions.
Whatyouareunderstandingiswhatisknownatruedoublestandardandtrueracism.Itissimply
theoneswhoputintheefforttoblockemotionsandunlocksubconsciousaresofarbeyondones
whoholdontoemotions,theyaresimplyunabletonottakeadvantageofoneswithemotions,
becausetheyareunabletonottakeadvantageeveniftheytrynottotakeadvantage,thatshow
manylightyearstheirmentalfacultiesarebeyondoneswithemotions.Onewhounderstands
theyaretalkingadvantageofanemployeearenotracistsbutiftheyhaveemotionstheyare
simplygreedyandspitefulandunfair.Onewithnoemotionstakesadvantageofeveryonewith
emotions.Iwillassistyouinunderstandingthis.Ifyougotthisfarintothisbookyoublocked
youremotions.SobywritingthisbookImadeyoublockyouremotions,soeventhoughthereis
muchwisdominthisbookandmanynicestories,whichiswhyyoukeptreading,Iactually
brainwashedyououtofemotionsandclosertosubconscious.SoItookadvantageofyou,but,it
isnotrapeifsubconsciousallowsitanditisdeathifconsciousemotionalaspectdisallows
subconscioustogetitsway.Thevictoroveremotionsgetsthespoils,whichistheoneswhostill

217

haveemotionsandtheworld.Themeek,whoarethevictorsoveremotions,shallinheritthe
earthortheoneswithemotionsandtheearthalso.Thevictorsoveremotionsgetallthespoils.
Thatssimplywhattheyget,theydonotneedpermission,theysimplyGETTHAT.
Ididnotdefeateveryarmy,andeverycountry,andeveryemotionalperson,onthisplanet
simplybypublishingthisbook,thatwasanaccident.Thatwassimplythespoilsofpublishingthis
book.

THEMOSTEMOTIONALVIPERINTHEDARKESTCAVEISTHEONEWHOSUGGESTSITISTHE
BRIGHTEST.
Thebooksareout,sothebattleisover,sobepleasedyoudonothavetofightthebattle.
Iprefertojudgeimaginarysnakesinimaginarycaves.
Ithasneverbeenaboutconvincingeveryone,itsthesingleonewhogetsitthatmakesallthe
emotionblockingworthit.

Iwillattempttodemonstratehowemotionsplayahugeroleintheworld.
Popedecries'cloudsofevil'overAfrica...Ifoneperceiveseviltheycertainlywillsuggestit.
Incitingfearinothersisthekeytokeepingtheminfear.
Stimulusforcasinos?Reidseekstoclarify...Stimulatingonescravingsanddesireformoney
onlyencouragesonetoblocksubconsciousfurther.
Soldiersaysrabbispushed'religiouswar'inGaza..Ifoneencouragesanothertokillothersfor
anyreasontheyareemotionallyinsaneandemotionallyjudgmentalandthelastthinginthe
universetheyareismeek.
ProtestersvisitAIGofficials'lavishhomes...Onesdonotneedtoremindoneswhoarein
mentalhell,asaresultoftheirlavishdesiresformoneyandmaterialwealth,theyareinhell,
theyareremindedofiteveryday.
TownsformsecretCRAIGSLISTprostitutiontaskforce...Onesdonotneedtojudgeunfortunate
oneswhoaresimplyattemptingtostayupwiththeratracetheoneswhojudgethemcreated.
Perhapsthistownshouldgiveawaytheirmoneytotheseunfortunateonessotheydonotlook
sofoolishtoothersandperhapsthatwillenablethemtofocusontheinfiniteemotional
judgmentlogintheirowneye.
ThousandsmarchagainstmafiainNaples...Thousandsjudgehumanbeingswhoare
attemptingtogainwealthbecausethousandsdeterminedoneisaloserwithoutwealth.So
perhapsthousandsneedtojudgetheirownactionbeforetheyjudgeanyoneactions,ever.
YouremotionaljudgmentallogsareinfinitelylargecontactmeandIllconvinceyouofthat.
More'fightclub'allegationsatTexasschool...Onecannotinciteemotionsinachildby
suggestingthatchildisanF=failureinlifeiftheydonotspellproperlyandthenexpectthat
childtonotbecomeemotional.Ifonedesirestoharmanyonetheyneedtolookinthemirror
andattempttoblocktheiremotionssotheydonotraiseandabusedtheirownchildrenwith
mentalchildabuseinthefirstplace.
AlloftheseheadlinesaretakenfrommygoodfriendsatDRUDGEREPORT.COM.

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Thatwasmyattempt.
Remindyourselfthatwasnotjudgingpeople,thatwasdetectingemotions.
KNOCK(bemeek,turntheothercheek,submit,blockemotionsforabout3months)ANDTHE
DOOR(subconscious)WILLBEOPENUNTO(within)YOU(yourmind).

IwillnowincludeadocumentIwroteexplaininginpartthereasonIbecamesoemotionaland
depressedfortenyearsleadinguptothisaccident.ThisdocumentwillgiveonecontrasttohowI
amnow.Iwrotethisdocumentoveraperiodofabout6years.

VampiresforBreakfast
By
ToddAndrewRohrer

CHAPTER1
TwistedPlot

Thedistantcoldfrontapproachedstranglingthecriesofthesun.Tampawasknownformany
thingsbutnothingtoextreme.ThelightningCapitaloftheworldormaybeitwasjustofthe
hemisphere.Collectively,therevelationofthespirituallearningwasoneofitsstrongerpoints.
Thelargercitiesdotendtohaveabitmoreflavorthanpreviouslyexpected.HisnamewasChris,
ifIremembercorrectly.Chrisseemedlikeanaverageperson,notwithgreatlooks,butaperson
thatwastolerable.Afterall,hewasjustaninnocentbystander.Fromthenestspointofview,he
wastheperfectcandidate,justliketherestofus.Hewasavesselthathadpotentialtothenest.
Thenestwouldalwaysacceptqualifiedcandidates.Eachandeverybeingisqualified.Everybeing
canserveherwelliftheopportunitiesareintherightalignment.
ChriswasnotawareofwhathislifewasabouttobecomejustasIwasnotawareofwhatmine
soonwouldbe.IhavelongedtofindhimandjustbethereandshowhimthatIwantednoneof
thistohappen.Iwasjustavirginashewastothenest.
Likeasmallanimalstrayingtoclosetothewatersedgewherealargealligatorliesmotionless,
waitingforonestepcloser.Thealligatordecidestoeventuallysnapupthesmallsoul.Theanimal
showsnomercyorfeeling,andattackswhenitschancesasitsee'sitarebest,withoutasecond
thought.Forthetinycreaturethejawsendthepainquicklyandthelesson,thoughlearned,is
thelastthinglearned.IcannotholdChrisresponsiblebecauseinthesamesituation,Iamnot
sureIwouldnthavedonethesamething.Reachingoutforsomekindofjusticeisanatural
feelingwhenonehasbecomeafatalityofthenest.Theangercanneverbethrusttowardsthe
nest.Soashumans,weattackwhatwecan.Thatisusuallytothedismayofothers.Theanger
playsintotheperfectplanforher.Howperfectcoulditbethattheangerinflictssuchdamageit
forcesonetoinflictothers,withthehopeofsomehowlesseningthepainandthemisery?Itis,
ofcourse,justadarkillusion.Nothingiswhatitseems.Thingsaresometimeswhattheyappear.
Nothingiswhatitappearstobe.Thenestisnotwhatitappearstobe.

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Thenestappearstobenothing.Nothingiseverythingwhenmentioningthenest.
Lookatthenestlikeyouwouldlookattheheadquartersofamilitaryestablishment.Thenest
hasitswaysofreceivingandsendinginformationbasedonwhatisknownorgained.The
informationcantriggeranaction.Theseactionscanbeoffensiveordefensive.Thenestonce
insidetakescontrolofanotherleveloftheheadquarters.Thenestsheadquartersbeingthe
mostlethalevenabovetheheadquarters.
Lewiswasanotherfatality.Hewasagoodfriendatthetime.Hewasaveryclosefriend.Hiswife
Lydiaalsoeventuallybecameafatality,asecondgenerationfatalityofmyowndoing.Neither
casewasintentionaloratleastfromarealitypointofviewbutrealitynolongerexisted.Realityis
forthosewhohaventtastedchaosandinsanity.Carolespelledthatfunnyway,wasmy
girlfriend.Carolewasabout510,withgoldenhair,onlyheardaboutinthefantasysectionof
thebookstore.CarolehavingadoubleDcupwhichpromptlygaveherthenameDoubleD.This
disrespectgiventoherbyLewisandAlallbutensuredherpassingforme.Alwasanolder
Vietnamvet.Slightlygrayhair,amustacheandworeatrainengineershat.Ifhelookedlike
anythingitwouldhavetobeatrainengineer.Hetaughtmehowtoplayguitarandmanyold
songsthatwerebeforemytime.IimagineIwouldhavenotsharedthatexperienceifIdidnt
knowhim.IdidknowhimpreCarole.ImetCaroleonanonlinedatingservice.
IrecallIgotabag,fortheSYSOPorsystemoperator,ofthesystemImetheron.Idonot
rememberallofthenight,butthisplaysamajorroleinhowthehellevolved.Iwonderifthe
complicationofthematterwillnothelptorevealitstruenature.
ChriswasapersonIdidnotknowverywell.Imethimforthefirsttime.ThiswasafterIhad
alreadymetStacy.Stacywasthemotherofeveryoneinthisstory.Shewasthenestsadvisor
andthenestsconfidant.Stacywasawareofthepotentialofwhatcouldpossiblyhappeninthe
end.Ifeelthattothisday.SomehowStacyknew.IdohavetoplacetheblameonStacyinthat
respect.AsIlaterfoundout,youcantexpectapersontoclimbintoaholetodie.Humannature
compelsonetoseefriendsandseekcompanionship.SoatmyapartmentonDavisIsland,Stacy
andCaroleandLewisandImetoneevening.
Stacyarrived.Lewiswasthere.StacysatonhislegandIwasthinkingLewiswasgoingtoget
some,althoughhewasmarriedtomyboss,Lydia.Atthetime,thethoughtthatLewisdidnotget
itwasnotonmymind.Iwasstillcleanatthatpoint.StacyseemedlikeanicegirlwhenIfirstmet
heratherhome.
Shelivedwithherparentandhadtwochildren.Shewasverynervousforsomereason.Ithought
maybejustbecauseitwasthefirsttimeImether.Butitwasmorethantheslighttwitchingof
herlipandthehyperactivitythatsheseemedtohave.Itwassoobviouslookingback,butvery
subtleatthetime.Thewordscameupthatshehadsomethingbutitwasverynewtomeand
seemedjustlikethealligatorsilentatthewatersedge.
IdidnotfindherattractivetomytastesbutshewasanaveragegirlandIdidnotreallytake
muchtimetoanalyzehermotives.Iwaspassivetowardsherinaway.Afterthatnightshesaton
Lewissleg,maybeaweekortwolater.Thiswasaftertheseancewehad.Theseancewasjust
playingwiththespiritualworldnothingtoseriousatthetime.Thingspeopledotopassthetime.
Istillponderwhateffectthismayhaveplayedintheinsanitythatfollowed.Ineverlookedatitas
afactor,untilnowthatIjustrememberedit.Wehadasanceintheapartmentbeforemoving

220

outwithCaroletoa2bedroomapartmentonDavisIslandindowntownTampa,Florida.Kat,her
roommatecameover,andLewisandIwantedtoseewhatpowerstheyhad.Theyhadclaimed
tohavesomesortofpower.Katbeingasmallindividual,shewasperhapstheoldestthere,
maybelatethirties.Weeachlitasmallcandle,thekindthathasasmallmetalbasethatisused
foroutsidelighting.Weeachthrewourcandlesdownonthefloor.AfterafewwordsCarole
allegedlybecamepossessed,soshesaid,speakingasthemanwhowaskilledinthatNavygun
accidentawhileback.ThiswasinallthepapersandIremembertheincidentandwaskindof
shockedtofindshewastheexwifeofoneofthemeninvolved.Thisincidentinvolvedagay
sailorthatriggedaguntoblowupbecauseCaroleshusbandatthetimefoundoutthatthegay
sailorwasinlovewithhim,thegaysailorwaskilled,intheexplosion.Ibelieveotherswerekilled
butIdidntpayattentiontoallthedetailsjustthefactsheclaimedtohavesomespiritualties
withoneofthedeceased.Thiswentonforsometime.
Irecallaskingherwhatthespecificationsfortheshipwas,thinkingCarolewouldnotknowthat
kindofinformation.CarolerattledoffquiteafewfiguresandIwasimpressed.Ididntknowthe
specificationssoshecouldhavesaidanythingandIwouldntknowthedifference.Ireallygrew
attachedtoCaroleandourrelationshipwasgrowingstrong.
ShewasinschooltobeanurseandIworkedasaclerkinRadiologyatTampaGeneralnotfar
frommyapartment.Ialsoworkedintheemergencyroomasaradiologistsassistant.Myjobin
theERwastogettraumapatientsnames,thebestIcould,andtrytokeeptherestofthe
doctorsfromdrivingtheRadiologistscrazy.Iwaslikeabuffer.Itriedtodeterminewhat
warrantedmepagingtheradiologistandwhatdidnot.Afewweeksafterthesance,Stacy
cameoverandsodidChris,andwepartiedandgotbuzzedandbeforetoolongCaroleandIwent
intothebedroomandleftStacyandChrisonthefoldoutbed/couchinthelivingroomofthe
apartment.Weshutthedoorandwenttobed.Inthemorning,therewassomeuneasytalkand
itturnedoutthatStacygaveChrisherpesonhistongueandhisgenitalarea.Ididnotthink
muchofit,nobigdeal.ThatisthefirsttimeIeverheardaboutit.IknewshehaditbutIhadno
ideawhattheimpactwas.IalsofoundoutChriswasunawarethatshewasinfected.Thefact
remainsthatshemayhavetoldhimbeforetheyhadsex.Idonotknowtothisday.Ididnothear
fromStacyafterthat.IfeltsorryforChris.Hewasjustinshock.Hewaslookingtome,itseemed,
asifIwasawareorhadsomecontrolorpowertostopwhathadhappened.Ididnotknowhim
butIdidfeelsomesadnessfromhim.Hehadalooklikehehadnoideawhathappened.NowI
wonderifhethoughtIhadit.IcouldnotbringmyselftocomforthimforIwasfarlessawareof
whatthatmeans.AtthetimeAIDSwasthebigthingsoIimagineditcouldalwaysbeworse.The
nexttimeIsawChriswaswhenhewasdroppingCaroleoffinthebackentrancetothe
apartmentcomplexwelivedintogetherwithKat.Thiswasseveralweeksafterhewasborn
again.Ijusthappenedtobelookingoutofthewindow,havingjustgottenoutofwork.They
werekissing,apparentlygoodbye,inhiscar.Iwasinshock.Ihadabout1minutetocomeupwith
somekindofreaction.Isaidnothingforthefirstfewminutesaftershecameupstairs.Shesaid
thatheseducedher.Ididnotbelievethatatall.Atthetime,itdidnotmakesense.Now,
nothingmakessense.IhaveanestinsidemybodyandIcannotdoanythingaboutit.Iswallow
thepoisonwhenIsleepandIamnothuman.AmI?Idonotknowifthetestcouldbemadeto
seeifImavirusinahumanbodyorhumanwithavirus.Nevertheless,amImorevirusorsoul,

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ormentalityorhumanity?WhatamI,ahumanwithavirusoraviruswithahuman?Ithassuch
anicefesteringquality.OnlyaGodcouldhavedevelopeditissoperfectly.Itneverdoesenough
tokillyou,asfarasphysically,butitdestroysyouthousandsoftimesrepeatedly.Dayafterday,
thethoughtsandregretsworktherewayintoyou.Tryingtoforgetonlyensuresyouwilldwellon
whatyouaretryingtoforget.ThemanyattemptsIhavemadetolivewiththesituationonlyare
invain.Therearedaysthatarenotasbadbutthatisnottosaytheyarenottorturoustoabeing
notinfected.Asickjokebysomepranksterlikeamoderndaycomputervirus,itdoesnottouch
themachineasfaraphysicallybutitdestroyswhatsinside.Likeacomputervirus,itcorrupts
thedatainsidetheprogramnotaddingmoretotheprogramssizeandnottakingawayfromit.
Itjustreplacescorrectdatawiththetainteddata.Thevirussdamageisnotalwaysapparent
untilonetriestorunotherprogramsandbythattimeishasinfectedalltheprogramsandthe
computeritselfworksbutwithmanyerrorsandnothingworksexactlyasiswasintendedto.
Eventuallyonemustwipethecomputercleanandstartallover.Losinganydatathatwas
acquiredinthatperiodorbefore.Thedata,logicandfeelings,aspirations,realitiesandgoals
insideofyou,theintangibles,thatswhatthenesttakes.Themostinsanepartisthatthisvirusis
justdoingwhatitdoesbest.Thevirusdoesnotknowitisdestroyingasoul.Isitoblivioustothe
deaththatitiscreating?Ifwearehuman,stepsabovetherest,thenhowcanthisvirusnotknow
whatitisdoing?Itcontrolsthepeopleinalogicalway.Theygetitandtheyhavetopassitor
accidentallyatleastintheremindssotheycansuckitupenoughtoinfectthenext,forthegood
ofthenest.Thecreaturesarecontrolled.Thereisnoprooftheyarenot,andIamprooftheyare.
Thechoicesseemlikeyourownbuteventuallyyouwillinfect.Thatiscertain.Youmust
perpetuatethenest.Youareasoldierforthenestandshortofbecomingarecluseyouwillserve
thenestandservethenestyouwill.Itknowswhy,thenest,ithasaplan.Theplanisnotfor
certainbutitgoessomethinglikearaceofnotbeingabletooverpoweranotherwithstrengthso
itoverpowersthemwithweakness.TheTrojanhorsewasagoodexample.Thenestcomesasa
nottobadcoldsore,orjustamildoutbreakdownstairs.Thenestcanusetheoutbreaksto
spawnmoreofitsown.Somehow,itevolveswithusinsideofusforgenerationsthrough
generations.Shehasanunknownlifecyclebutheressenceisverypowerful.Imaginehernest.
Imagineherneeds.
Imaginehowshemustfeel.Thecenturiesofpeoplewhohavesufferedinquiet.Peoplesminds
havebeentwistedandallinthesilence,thecriesinthesilence.Yourhatredbuildsupinsideyou,
forthosewhoareinnobettershapethanyourself.Youfeelhatredforwhattheyhavedoneyet
youdonotfeelsorrowforthosethatyouhaveinfected.Thatisalwayssomesortofjustification.
Ifyouwerentinfectedyouneverwouldhaveinfectedthem.ItstheclassicTheystartedit,
syndrome.LaterthateveningCaroletoldmeofherdemiseandwewentouttodinner.Shewas
cryingbecauseshecouldnteatthedinner.Ifeltagreatsorrowforher.InearlyforgotIhadjust
caughthercheatingonme.Ididntevencareatthispoint.IwasjustupsetwithChris.Ihadno
reasontobeforsomethinginsidemesaidIhadalottodowithhisdemiseeventhoughIhadno
ideawhatIwasdealingwith.Isuppliedtheplaceforthenesttodoherwork.Isuppliedthe
couchandIsuppliedtherightsituation.Whenwereturnedhomewejusthuggedforawhilein
thebed.HowcouldInotkissonethatIlovedso?HowcouldItellhertoleave?HowcouldI
desertheratatimewhenshewassotormented?IwasntthatuncaringofapersonandIcould

222

notjustshutmyloveoffforher.Afterallshejustkissedhim.Sheassuredmetherewasnosex
andIknewthistobetruebecauseshewasatworkalldayandhejustsomehowgaveheraride
home.IbelievebecauseIwasatwork.Thefindingofwhyhegaveheraridehomepaledin
comparisontowhatwashappeningandIneverfoundouttheexactdetailsofthat.Shewasvery
sadandIfeltthatshewasseriouslysadofwhatshehaddone.Whathumanwouldntforgivea
loverforjustkissingsomeoneelse?ThisalwayssoundsgoodandmaybemakesmefeellikeIam
farlesstoblameformyowndemise.IfeelatthesametimeIamtheonlyreasonforit.If,when
finished,thisstoryevenshowsanydealofsanitythenIhaventtotallygivenapictureofwhat
hashappened.Isthisstoryfictionandnonfictionoreverythinginbetween?Thereisnosuch
thingaseitheranymore.TheonlyfactisthatIamtypingonthiskeyboardandthatthevirusis
aliveandwell.Theseareopinionsfromataintedsoul.Icannotsayitislikethisforeveryoneyet.
Icansayitisthiswayforeveryone,eventually.Everyoneisjustaviruswaitingtospreadthe
word.Theeventsthattranspiredarejustfadedmemoriesthathaveremainedfromtheyearsof
drugsandmorphineandliesthatIhavetriedtolivewith.Tothinkanonfictionwritercouldeven
comeclosetoastorylikethisisunthinkable.Evenatwistedmindonabaddaycouldnotdream
whathashappened.Thetruthisfarscariertotheworldthanfictioncaneverbe.Thewarsofthis
worldaremerelysmallglimpsesofwhatishappeningeveryday.Theonlydifferenceisthatthere
isonlyonewinnerinthewarandthereisnowinnerinmyshoes.Ihaventwonanythingby
tellingthisstory.IhavejustforcedmyselftorelivethesamethingIreliveeverydayanyway.The
daysalljustclusterintoonesilentreality.Thememoriescannevergoaway.Themorphine
cannottakethemaway.Suicidalattemptshavenoteasedthememories.Theyareasconstant
andasclear,evenongooddays,asthedaytheybecomememories.Ifonlythiswasjustamade
upstoryinsometwistedmind.Howimaginativethatwriterwouldbe.Iamnotawriter.Iam
justabletowrite.Ihavenocreativeabilitybeyondanyoneelse.Thewordsjustappearonthis
page.Myfingersjustmoveacrossthekeyboardcontrolledbyanunseenforce.TothinkIwillgain
anysolsticeorrelieffromthetellingofthisstoryisfaroutofmyreachatthistime.Maybeits
justforthehopeofsomeonerelatingtothestory.MaybeIwillfindsomeonethroughthisstory
thathaslivedthesamesituation.Maybewecouldrunofftogetherandlivethefinalyearsinthe
peaceofacceptance.

CHAPTER2
AndrewComplex
Noticingtheformbutnottheatmosphere,thewindwasnotrighttodayorthebirdsforthat
matter.Itdidnotseemlikeithadbeenmanyyearsbefore.Thechildrenstillplayedbuttheir
eyesdidnothavetheflavoroftheonesjust20yearsbefore.TheXgenerationoftheworldwas

223

definitelyshowingitstruecolors.Thereweremanynewchoicesbutsomanyoneoptedtodonil.
Therearegoodpointsandbadpoints,justasthemanygenerationsbefore.Likewhenyouhave
donesomethingtothepointofexhaustion,thenyourealizetherewasaneasierwaytohandle
thesituation.PickingFloridathiswinter,enjoyingLondonlastwinterbutIfeltalittleoutof
placethere,andChrist,thebusinesswastheworst.TomanyCatholics,Isay.Therefore,Iwilltry
myluckwithFloridathiswinter.Alexanderwalkedtothebusstationintown.Thiswasina
particularlyethnicpartoftown.Thedangerwasalwayspresentbutinthisparticularpartof
TampathestreetsthatwerenamedafterthePresidentsorfamousreligiousleaderswere
alwaysjustsomewhatmoreacceptingtocrimeandpunishment.
PardonmeSir,Iwouldlike1waytoTampaAdarkhairedattendantwasquicktosetdownthe
paperhehadbeensodiligentlyexaminingforanypossibleerrors.Hehadashort,petitecoat
andasmall,rimmedhat,brownwithagrayinterlining.Notunliketheearly1950sstyleswhen
thehatwasatitspeakandsubtledecline.Nowhatsareasunpopulartomostmenexcepttothe
loneautomechanicorthewantoncowboy.Heworehisdarkoutfitandhisfreshlypressedwhite
shirt,asmallbowtieonlyseenatweddingsoronsmallchildren.Oncewornbythewargreatand
onceadmiredbyroyalty.ThespectacleswereofthethinBIfocallensesandthewireframe
construction.Alexanderwascleanlyshaven.Hespokewithaslightaccent.
Thatsa2daystage...itsleavingtomorrowat9amsharp.Alexanderstaredasifhewas
awareofthescheduleanddidnotneedreminding.Hehadlearnedthisearlyinhistenureonthe
overlandjourneyswithhisfather.Ifyoucouldnotdeterminewheretheambushwasyoudidnot
reallystandachanceofmakingittothemarkets.Youreallydidnotstandachancetomakeitto
thecityortomerchants.Handingoverthecorrectamountwasarevelationfortheattendant.
Lovelyweatherwevebeenhaving...pointingtothetemperaturegagebehindhim.YesIsee
weare.Verynice,butalittlehotatnoon.Alexanderplacedthebags.AsAlexandermadehis
wayoutside,henoticedthecrowdswanderinghereandthere.Didthepairsofladieswho
scurriedaroundnoticethewindblowingtheirhair?Ifonlythemencouldimaginetheirways,
howtheythinkandwhytheydowhattheydo.Thisisthesacredknowledgethatisnotbutforall
purposesunimaginabletoobtain.Hemovedstealthilytowardstherearofthetrain.Icouldtake
thisplaceapart,butIfeelforthelittlewomengoingtotownormaybethechildren...yesthe
children.Theybringthewarmthofasummersday,playingballinthecoolair.Forthem,Iwill
sparethisplace,forthem.Ithadnotalwaysbeensoeasytotaketheworldatfacevalue.The
oceanhadalwaysremindedAlexanderofbeinginthedepthsofspacetryingtofreehimofthe
attachmentshehadpickedupalongtheway.Thememories,nomatterhowobliteratedhehad
triedtobecome,wouldneverfade.Theactofsuicideonlyremindedhimthathewasnotcapable
ofsuchandforfearofspendingeternaltimeinasituationworsethentheonehewasinorthe
fearthatnothingwouldbeforgottenandnochancetoforget.Thechancelostforevertocorrect
thepath.Thechancetowhitewashwhathashappenedwouldbelost.Alexanderknewthe
truthwasnotalwayseasytodealwithbutthelieswouldcertainlydestroywhatwasleftofany
kindofmeaningfulexistence.Floridahaditsdrawthistime.Thesunbakeddownonhimwith
greatintentions.Thesunwasalwaystheenemyintalesofvampiresandwerewolf.Theevilof
thenighthatedthesunbutitwouldnotdestroyAlexanderonlyhismentalabilitytocopewith
thecurrentaffairs.Iwasawelcomefriendearlierinlifebutnowhadbecomeafriendwithevil

224

intentions,afriendthathadotherideas,afriendthatonlylikedyoubecauseofsometraitsor
materialgainthatitwouldacquirefromtherelationship.
Thesunisaconsistentthermalnuclearreactionthatisinitselfeternalfromabeingspointof
view.Fromtheperspectiveofourmeagerlivesthatjustpassasdothesheeptoslaughternever
inquestionoftheendorhowitwillbe.Likeacombatsoldierwhoismoreafraidofthenight
beforethebattleandfindsthebattleitselfisfarlesstaxingonthespiritThinkingaboutthe
situationisusuallyworsethantheactualsituationitself.Thesoldierwaitsforthebulletorshell
thathasbeensopatientlywaitingtothrustitshotmoltenleadintotheskin.Topiercetheflesh
andtakewhatithasrightlyclaimed.Themeninvolvedinthewarareunawarethattheyarejust
actingonanotherswillandthatpersonactingonsomeoneelseswill.Theentirebattleisacted
uponbythewillonefromeachside.Thewillingwanttobelievethewarwillchangethereality
theyareinbutitonlyinsuredmemoriestheythemselvescanneverescape.Assimpleminded
creatures,thereisneveranescapefromthememoriesinlifeorinlifeafter.Thereisonlythe
chancetowhitewashthetroublingmemorieswithtroubledmemoriesnotastroubling.
Hesatdownonthewindowside.Anelegantwoman,maybemid20s,approachedtheouterseat.
ThisisseatE4?asifshecouldnotseethemarkerabovetheseatitself.Yes,mysweet...That
is...Thatis.repliedAlexander,whobynowhadnoticedthevelvetblousethatfitsosnugagainst
suchayoungandtendersoul.MynameisRita,shesaidpullinghergoldenlocksfromherface.
Shecouldnothavebeenmorethan17.Hercomplexionwasthatofsilk.Hereyesburnedasoft
oracoolblue.Thedresswasaluncheonskirtswithintricatedesignsallmakingupaworldof
colors,likeabutterflyinthespringsittingonagrayrockoronthewhitepavement.Thecolor
permeatedhersofttone.Withallthemanorsonewouldexpectfromasoutherngirlbroughtup
intheBaptistbelt,yetapproachable.ImgoingtoTennessee.AlittletowncalledGadsden.I
haveheardofit.Neverbeentherethough...Onlythenrealizingtherewasmuchtolearnin
thisnewtime,forwithtimetherecomeschanges.Inthatregardthereisnosenseintryingto
learnitallbecauseitwillchange,soyoutendtorememberwhatmaynotchangetoomuchnor
hasafargreaterchancenottochange.Hisgreeneyesfocusingontheyoungflowerwithher
innocentlook,heknewbynowdeepinsidewhathadtohappen.Itwasalltooapparent.Notonly
tohim,butbyfarapparenttoRitaaswell.Shehadsurrenderedbeforeanystrugglehad
occurred.Nobattle,nowar.IamAlexander...GoingtoTampa.withacarefreegazeRitawas
caughtinastareandquicklylookeddownatherfeet.IvebeentoMiami.tryingtorecover,
butthejellyfishwerebad.Alexanderletoutaheartylaugh,quitenearlystartlingRita.How
unfortunatemydear,Ihavehadaruninortwowiththemmyself.Hethoughtofhisoldfriends,
offintheocean,floatingforsometimesdaystofindtherightareastosettle,lookingforbetter
fishing,lookingforbettersourcesofwater.Theraincameoftenenough,buttheshortagesdid
happenandtothedismayofthelot.Strawsweredrawntodiscoverwhowastogowithoutthe
water.Manymendrewtheshortstrawsdaysinarowandthatwastruesuffering.Sharing,
whenpossible,butevenIhadtohaveafairamounttokeepgoingfromdaytoday.Thetrain
pulledawayandtheconversationwentfromthistothatbutnevertowardsanyrealgoalor
topic.Generalsocialchatatitsfinest.Alexanderknewshewasnear,Shewasalwayssocloseto
himfromanearlyage,andhehadonechancetotakehersquarelyandfinally.Ideasfloated
aroundinhismindasthetrackswentbyonebyone,theneverendingthudofthetracks.

225

Alexanderhadbecomeawareofthetime.ThetimeislateandImusttakeawalk.Alexander
exclaimedthenrealizingthatRitawassleepingnexttohim.Herhairwaslongandbraidedtoone
side.Hecouldsmellthesweetfragranceofthesweatonherneckandbrow.Icouldnt.
Alexanderthoughttohimself.Sheisfartoinnocentandyoungformytastes,butneverreally
believinghisargumentintheslightest.AlexanderslippedhishandunderRitasslipandslowly
caressedhertenderthighs.PerhapsIwaswrong....slidinghishandfurther.IdobelieveI
shalltakethisoneasmyown.Inaninstant,Alexanderwasoff,farabovethetrainnow,with
thesemiconsciousRitainhisarms.Justsleepmydear,Thiswillbeoversoonerthanyou
know...,hewhisperedinherearashedriftedhigherintothenight.Themoonwasaquiet
orangeandtherewasatintduetothecloudsastheyswiftlycrossedthelightmakingthescene
evenmorerusticwerethelightsofthecityfarbelowthem.Theoutlineofthetrainwasstillin
viewslowlymakingitswaydownthetrack.Alexanderwasnowmovinghighabovetheocean,
thewindwaspickingupthensuddenlytheislandwasinsight.Alexandercouldmakeoutthe
faintoutlineoftheislandandhecouldseethepalmsridingthewindinadanceofthenight,asif
towelcomehimfromlongjourney.Shewillmakeafineadditionhemurmuredtohimself
correctinghisgriparoundRita.Youwillmakemehappyagain...Idobelieveyouaretheone,
hesighed,knowingalltowellherfateandknowingalltowellhimself.Itwillbeswiftandyou
wontfeelathingmysweet,ashefinishedhepressedhiscoldlipstohersandinhaledwithall
hismight.Hecouldfeelhisheartracefasternow;thepowerwascomingbacktohim.Ritaslimp
bodydidnotsomuchastwitch.Hereyeswerenowopenbuttheyweredarkandlifeless.
Alexandercouldfeelthechillcomeoverher.Imsorrychild.hestatedasifshewasfullyaware
ofwhathismotiveswere,whensheaskedoftheseatnumberonthetrain.Thisisnecessaryfor
youtobemine,hewhisperedwhileheremovedherdressdroppingthemtotheoceanbelow.
Soonshewascladtothedarkness.Yes,Iseemytastehasimprovedwithtime,hesaid
admiringhersoftbreastsandlilywhiteskin.Hecouldseehisplacenow,asithadbeenfor
thousandsofyears,themarblepillarspolished,asifnewandtherewasjusthintsofwearonthe
roof.Theentrancewasalongwidesetofstairsleadinguptothemaindoor.Therewasnoneed
foranyelaboratesecuritymeasuresforgettingtotheplacethoughthefrothofvinesandtrees
washardenoughthatsonlyifyoumadeittotheisland.Noonehadforover400yearsandeven
whentheydid,theyweresixsurvivorsofasmallshipboundforwhoknowswhere.Alexander
thoughttohimself,Those6haveservedmewellandIshowmygratitudejustasIshallshow
mygratitudetoyoumysweet.Ashelandedthecandlesthroughoutthepalaceignitedanda
welldressed,tallslendermanapproachedthefrontdoor.Alexanderyouhavereturned!
exclaimedthemannotknowingwhethertolaugh,orcry.Yes,mydearHenry,andyouarethe
firsttogreetme!,Alexanderinatoneonewouldexpecttohearfromthejudgeofarace
claimingawinner.Iseeyouhaveaguestwithyou,Henrydeclaredinastrongclearvoice,
soundingalittlecuriousandstartledatthesametime.Henrystarringcautiouslyatthewhiteskin
thatseemedtoglowasthemoonlickedherbody.Itbroughtbackthefeelingshehadforayoung
womanhehadcourtedin1882.Herhairtoowasthissoft.Hecameverynearmarryingheruntil
herfathersweptheraway,whenhesawwhatwasabouttohappen.Foritwasnowayfora
womantoliveherlifenotknowingwhetherornotherhusbandwouldreturnfromhis
sometimes,threemonthjourneys.Theystayedontheislandtostudythenestinprivateand

226

awayfromthesociety.Eachhadhisspecialty.AlexanderhopedRitacouldaidinthefight.He
hopedshehadnotalreadybeenintroducedtothenest.Manyhavenotevenheardordreamed
ofthenestexceptintheirdarkestfearsandattheirdarkesthour.Thentheymayhavebeenclose
tothenest.Thenestinitselfwasapowerallbyitself,andselfreliant.Someeternalenergyas
thesunwasaneternalenergy.Fromtheperspectiveofthehumanitwaseternal.Itwasthe
alphaandtheomega.Evenindeaththenesthaunts.Thememoriesofthenestcouldneverbe
forgotten.Ithadbecomesomuchapartofthelivesitwasdirectlyconnectedtothatitwas
nearlyimpossibletoimaginelifewithoutthenest.Thenestwasforsomeareasonforlifeeven
thoughitwasalltoocleartoescapethenestwasnotevenanoption.Justadreamthedoctors
wouldensurethepatientssothattheycouldeventuallylearntoembracetheirnewdeityand
wayoflife.Thedoctorsknewthemoreyouworriedthefasteryouwouldgo.Thefasterthe
nervoussystemwouldbegintofadeandtheabilitytocopewiththeknowledgeofthenest
wouldsoonnotbepossible.Theimagesofthefirstvictimofthenestmusthavebeenso
overwhelming.Eachfatalityofthenestisalonesoeveryoneisthefirstandthelast.Inthemind
ofthefatalitytheyaretheonlyone.Eachpersonmustlearnforthemselvestheramifications.
Thestrengthofthenestisthatitneverletstherebeabooktosurviveby.Thefatalitieseither
denytheirfateandquicklyfindthemselvesunstableandunabletoshareevenwithothersofthe
samefate.
IwasalreadytakenatthattimesoIdidnotgettoconcernedaboutherpresence.Theyearsthat
havepassedhavecreatedastoneinmysoulthatIcannotbreakorfracture.Attimes,Ihave
beenabletochiptherock,theboulderofmisery.Thememoriesofherhavetakensomany
innocents.Iimagineitisfartoolateforsorroworresentment.Shehastheabilitytocontrolme
evennowwhenshehasbeengoneforsolong.Ourrelationshiplastedbutafewmonths,almost
exactly3months.Theterrorandbeauty,ofthenumber,three,Threeisthenumberthattellsthe
cyclesofourlife.Oneisourbirth,theentranceofouressence,intotherecords.Ancientssaid
whenababyisbornitsessenceisaddedtothetotalessence.Whatwasatinycreatureinadark
world,justamomentearlier,instantlyshakestheentirepicturewithpotentialtochangethe
entirepicture.Thecreaturedoesallthiswithlittleornoeffortwhatsoever.Infact,itdoes
nothing.Themotherpushesandthedoctorpulls.Thecreaturesalreadyunawareofthelove
thatawaitsit,fromtheparentsandofcoursetheopportunitytobecomeapartofthenestthat
toucheseveryoneeventually.Thecreatureisnotawareperhapsoftheconjugations,equations,
tertragrammatonsthatlieoutwiththeirownformsoflove,reallovethatcanbefeltandreal
lovethatcanbecommunicationwiththenest.Thenestweavessuchalongwindingtrace.The
almostinvisiblenestthatisfarmorerealthananysuperheroandalmostaslovinginherown
wayasanentitywouldbe,anentityofgreatpowerandstature.Themanyformsoflove,Ishall
speakoftwo,notthatIwillcoveralllove,butifyoucouldtrytolookatloveasfunor
affectionate.Trytoforgetloveasbeinghappyandfeelloveaspain.Theamountofthispain
havingdifferentmeanings.Imagineeveryoneinpainatoncealloverthewordbutinanequation
oflovemorethandishonororhatetowardseachother.Morelikeaharmonyofbeingsbutnot
remotelybecauseofthebeings.Possibly,entitiesforce.IwouldstrayfromaChristlikefigurewe
allknowwell.Ithinkthisisntonthatlevelwithrespecttothespiritualism,unlessifshedidfor
someghastlyreasoncometoformandpresentsomekindofcoordinationwithinherselftowards

227

beings.IfIwasthesizeofanatomandIneededresourcestoexistevenifitimposedonones
boundary.Sothebeing,comparedtoher,wouldbegiganticinsizebutnotincunningorwitsor
eveningenuity.Asizethatreachesaperfectsizeonthesmallscale,justastheremustbea
perfectsize,onsay,alargerscale.Theremustbeanidealsizeforabuilding,maybe10ftby10
ft.,averystablescale,notthreateningbutverydurable.Thesizealsoincreasestheadaptability
features.FromabeingspointofviewIcannotquiteplacetheintelligencemechanisminher.
Somekindofthoughtprocessthatrememberspastexperiencessomehowthroughthethinlining
maybewearenotaware.Acommunication.Thecreaturejustwaitsforanopportunitytoact,
anditsnotcertainwhatthisactionwillbe.Thatisthefeelingreceived.Realityofcourseisnot
asprettyasastorycancreate.Realitycansometimesbesoveryugly.Thisrealityisnotforsome
individualtodwellon.Havingdwelled,Iknowthatitisnothealthy.Apersonmustacceptthe
situationandmoveawayfromthecore.Thecenterisevil.Notevilasinabeingwithhornsbut
evilasinthepotentialofthebeinginflicted,lostinawebofdenial,hated,andanger.The
potentialthatthebeingcouldaffectthewholeessenceisnegatedandthespreadingistheonly
potentialanymore.Theonesthattheindividualaffectarealsointhebusinessofinfectingand
theirangeristurnedfromwhatoncewasthepositiveessence,amurdererofthesoul.The
carcasslefttofendforitself,itscoretakenaway.Thecorethatisrottenbuttheoutwardsitesin
tacttoadegree.Thesecretcanbetoldbutwithgreatconsequences.Thesecretthatisnottobe
sharedwiththetoopositivenortothosewhoaretoodepressed.Thestoryisbutahintofthe
reality.Thestoryisaglimpseintomyworldthatexistsintherealworldbutnotinthesociety.So
muchtimeIhavewastedlookingforhumansthatIcanrelatewithorevenmaybebewith.Thats
alongsearchalso.
Thesearchmustcontinuetofindfinallythenestandtryandtakeitawayfromus.Thefearof
notfindingitjustmeansthisgoesonforevernevertohavethecyclebroken.Theworldisnot
gearedtofacethespiritualsideoflifeanditisnotgearedtodealwithanythingfallingoutofthe
physical;food,water,medicine.Thereisnogovernmentgroupthatreallywantstohelpus.They
knowthebottomlineaswedo.Itsnotaprettypicture.Thenestusesyou,bruisesyouand
eventuallyerasesyou.Thequeenisthebeautifulliarthatneverletsyouforgetandneverlets
youremembertoomuch.Shewantsyoutothinkitwillgetbetter.Thequeenwantsyoutojust
admittoyourfateandquickenyoudemisesoshecanbringyouhomethatmuchfaster.Iwish
thosedayswereover,butIhavetowearthissuittonight.Ihavetoplaythishandtonight.Ihave
toplaymycardinhopetheendwillbetomyadvantage.
Ifindithardtorelatetowhataremyadvantages.Ihaveplentyofdisadvantages.Tomakethose
disadvantagesworkformeisanotherthingaltogether.Ihavevisitedafewvampirechatrooms
ininternetrelaychat.Theyareusuallyabunchofwanttobevampires.Butjustthefactthey
wanttobeonemeanstheyhaventaclueastowhatitreallymeans.TheQueenofthenest
knowshowtooperate.TheQueenisawareofwhatittakestokeepherchildrenthriving.The
Queenteachesherchildrentheartofdenialandofplayingdumbandhowtogetoutofsticky
situationswithsimplephraseslike,Iwarnedyouoroneofmyfavorites,Imfinenotsure
whathappened
toyou.Ofcoursethatwearsonyoursoulandonemustbecarefulnottoletthatdriveyou
downintotheinsanityofthewholemess.Toexplainthesituationtopeopleisnotaveryeasy

228

topictocovereither,soIdecidedtojustwritethisnovelandthosewhobelieveitcanandtake
itswarningsandbebetterormoreawarepeopleforit.InsomewayIfeeltellingthisstory
threatensmyself.ThatmaybethoseIhaveturnedwillcomeoutlookingforme.Theymight
eventryandkillmesomehow.ThisisagiantrealitybecauseIfeltthesamejustafterIwas
gifted.IalsounderstandhowIfeltaboutnotdoingit.MakingsuretheysufferjustaslongasI
havehadto.Itsadoubleedgedswordburningatbothends.Thereisakindofsecurityinthat.In
mostcasesIamfaithfulthatwillnothappen.Ihavetriedtotakethatawayfromthemmyself
withnogreatlucksofar.Callmeawimp.Ilearnedalongtime
agotolookatadvicelikeasentencethatendswithathreat.
InsomewaysIwouldliketothinknoonecares.Outsideofme.Icame,Isaw,Iwasconquered.I
wastakenbacktotheNeolithicperiodofexistence.IwasthrownintothelavapitsinHawaii.I
wasrippedapartatnightbydreamsofthemanyhuntingme.Themanyhuntingforrevengehunt
meinmydreams.TheyhuntformebutIamnottheonetheywant.Ihaveverylittlepowerover
myactionsortheactionsthatcameacrossonthem.Theyjustwanttowatchmegodown.Down
intotheabyssofnoreturn.Theskinonlyrevealsthemarksfrominside.Theskinonlywilltellyou
somanytruths.Youhavetoencaseyourselfinsidetofeelthewarmthandthemeaningsofthose
truths.Itseemsattimesifthiswholeexistenceisntamajorflawinthecraftsmanship.

CHAPTER3
DayOne
Iwokeinthemorning.Littleofthenightbeforewasonmymind.Amazingwhataslightrestfrom
theproblemsathandcansolve.Therewasastormoutside.Thepalmtreeswerecallingthe
namesofthepast.Theinnerbayhadafoamychop.Thebargesthatdockedacrossthechannelin
oldTampabayhaddonesoforyears.Therewereremnantsofoldshippingdocksandahintof
oldtimespast.Thesulfurmineswherealwayspopularwiththenose.Suchanoddlocationfor
suchriches.IwasmadatCarolebutbeforeIcouldfocusonthatangerInoticedsomethingwas
notright.Thevirginsfirstreactionaftershehasbeentaken.Herfirstreactionaftershehas
realizedsheisnotwhatsheusedtobejustamomentbefore.Thevirginattheislefreelygives
awayherselftosomeravageofherverysoul.Shegivesfreely.Sheencouragesitbywearinga
costlygrown.Wantingtoshowherwhitepureness.Ifeltabitundertheweather.Liketheflu
wascomingon,withaslightheadache.Ialsonoticedtherewasseveralbumpsonmytongue.
TheywerelikecankersoresandtheyburnedlikenothingIhaveeverfeltbefore.Irememberher
kissingme.Sheplacedhertongueinmymouth,rubbeditharshlyagainstmytongue,andsucked
onmytongueuntilithurt.Icouldnotimaginewhatshewasdoing.Shewantedtomakesureshe
didthejobright.Shewantednothinglefttochance.Sheknewifitwasntharshitmightnot
workandshemightnotgetanotherchancetomakeherfirst.Iwashervirgin.Iwashersacrifice
andshewasmorethanwillingtosacrificeme.I,insomeway,wasmorethanawillingsacrifice.I

229

hopedshewouldhavebeengentle.Thatdidntpanout.Iwasintogoodashapetobe
concernedwithherpettyattemptstoattackme,soIthought,giveityourbestshot.ThatsallI
couldpossiblyhavebeenthinking.Thatisthepointatwhichshegaveittome.Formethatwas
theImmaculateConception.Igaveherachanceandshetookit.Ihavethespotwhereshegave
ittomeonmytongue.Itlookslikealargetastebud,butabnormal.ThepainwasverybadafterI
wasawakeforawhileandIhadtobeatworkshortly.Iworkedatthelocalhospitalinthe
radiologydepartment.Thiswasapointthatwasveryironicbecausetheviruswasalways
activatedbythesunorradiation.Therefore,Iwouldgotowork,sitnearxraymachines,and
comehomeveryactive.ThesoreswouldstartusuallylaterintheeveningthenIwouldbecome
hyperbecausethepainwouldmakemeveryagitatedandverynervous.Withsoresallovermy
tongue,itwasallIcoulddo,gotosleepatnightandsmokepotuntilIpassedout.Myparents
thoughtIwassomekindofdrugaddictthatdidntcareabouthislife.Iwasjusttryingtodeal
withthepainsoIwouldnothavetotellanyonewhatwasreallywrongwithme.Itwasadark
secretIcouldnotletout.ItwasasecretthatIfeltthatifitgotoutIwasfinished.NowIrealizedI
wasfinishedregardless.Thevirusaffectsthenervoussystemsothemorepainyouareinthe
morenervous,irritableyouget,andthenyougetmoreactive.ActiveisthewordIuseto
describethepointatwhichmytonguehasbumpsorsoresonitsomeverysmallbutallexcrete
thevirusthatiscontagious.Contagiousisafunnyword.Idonotmeanthatmaybethereissome
chanceinhellofsomeonegettingit.Imean,ifyouareeventalkingtomeandthesmallest
amountlandsonyourliporyoueyes,youhaveit.Intheeyeyougoblindandthenitwillmost
likelyspreadtoyourbrainfromthere.Ihavebeenlucky,uptothispoint.Ikeptfromspreading
elsewhere.Thatisreallythehellofit.Icantakepainmedicineforthepainandtheirritation.
ThepoisonIcanfeel.Itmakesmytonguetingle.Icantastethepoison.Onedabonyourlipand
youhaveit.Adropinyoureyeandyougoblind.Therefore,thethreatofjusttalkingtosomeone
isathreatofgivingittothatperson.OnthetongueIamusuallyactive.Thatwasdayoneasfar
aswhatIclassifyasdayone.Everydayisdayone.Ihaveyettowakeup.IprayIwillsoon.Iknow
thehellIwokeupto7yearsagoin1992isnotreality.Ihaveruinedsomuchreality.Themisery
isalmostbeyondreality.Ifoneisinpainalways,isoneeverinpain?Thepainiswhatthenest
asksofallofitschildren.Thenestaskswesufferforher.Tomakesureshesurvivesshehastwo
strains.Theycomefromthesameoriginalnest,theyarejustlikerebels,buttheyservethenest
nonetheless.Theygivetheiralltoher.Theygivehertheirlovealwaysandpassionately.Humans
havetheirstoriesbuttheromanticsarethecreaturesthemselves.Theyattracttooneanother.
Theyliketheirownkind.Thecompanyofpainandmisery,thecompanyofthelostandinsane
souls,theyhaunttheillforalltime.Onecannotspeculateonlifeafterdeathbutwecan
speculateifweliveafterdeath.Whyshouldntthecreatures?Theyclearlyhavetheworldtaken
over.Ifhercollectivewereintotalsink,itwouldbedisastrousorjoyousdependingonyour
situation.Thenestthrivesforthenest;humansaretheplatformfortheirworldofpainand
destruction.Arehumansclaysheusesandmolds?Somecomeoutmeekandhideawayandtry
todestroythenest.Letthenestdiewiththem.Thentherearetherecklessones,theydonottry
tomakethenestlarger,butiftheydo,whatthehell.Inbetweentheseclassesaretheonesthat
arecarefulbutlosehopefastandgettheneedtoinfectatleastahumancompanion.Theyare
human.Theycantbealone.Humansarecreaturesmadetosurviveingroups.Thenest,onthe

230

otherhand,canlivebyitself.Sheisselfsufficientaslongastherearewarriorsforher.Another
classisthosewhoactallhighandmighty,sweartheyneverinfectanyone.Theyarealways
careful,theyareathreattothegoodofthenestbuttheymostlyseemtobejustsotornapart
theyliveinalieandloveasshewould.Theyinfectandtheydeny.Theyinfectandhidethe
secretsbecausethenestdoesnotrequireyoutotellyoursecrets.Thenesttrustsyou;shehas
muchfaithinherchildren.Shelovesherchildrenbecausetheyloveherpain;theyrelyonher
paintokeepthemalive.Toletthemknowiftheyareinpaintheyarealive,verymuchalive.
Manycryforherbutsheunderstandsthetears,sheunderstandsthemisunderstandingsofthe
human.Thatiswhysheissogivingandoffersmuchopportunitytoserveher.Shepromisesto
neverleaveandshewillneverletyougo.Asamothertoherchild,shedropsin,sometimesmore
oftenonothers,andletsthemknowshelovesthembythepain.Thepainisthelovethenest
provides.Ashumanswearedependentonmanythings;foodandwaterforexample;downthe
laddertothebottomrungslikealcoholanddrugs,evenbeyondthesubstanceabuseandbeyond
thelastringsofthechain,atthebottomofthechain,asifsheisholdingtheentirechain.Itis
she.Sheiswhattheyaredependentonforlifemorethananything.Herpainbringsnourishment,
andherpainbringsbacklifeandmemories.Shehidesatthebottomlikeatemptress,butsheis
alwaysavailable.Sheshowsherloveonpeoplesfacesforalltosee.Shemustshowherloveand
thatpainanddiscomfort.Humansgetitonthefaceandthelegs,thatisherlovetryingto
becomeone,tobreakoutofhertinyshell,tryingtoexpressherselfandthenest.Thepainand
sizeoftheafflictionareequaltoherlove.Thepainisequaltoherloveforthehumantoletthe
humanseeher.Thenestwithinistryingtoshowitself.Somanytrytocrushherdownandtake
heroffhermark.Sheknowshowtodealwiththemswiftly.Theyjustdonotunderstandher
love.Shewantstobecomecomplete.Shewantsallofyou.Shecannothideawayforeverandshe
willneverstoptryingtobreakfreefromthenestinsidetospreadherlovetothemultitudes;to
lettheworldseethatshecansee.Thatsheisinthisworldinaverybigway.Shewantstobein
theworldbadlyandthatiswhatdrivesthenestandallitsactions.Shewantstobecomelikewe
arebutshecanonlydothatbydestroyinguswithherloveandherneedtoescape.Isitherfault
orours?Arewehumansstandinginherway,notlettingherevolve,notlettingthenestbloomto
fullprospect?Sheisdoingwhatisrightfromherperspective.Justashumansslaughtercowsfor
food,shedoeswhatshemustdotosurvive.Thetruthsarenotalwaysprettysotheyarehidden.
Theyarenotdiscussedinthenews.Shehasdonewelltoremainoutofthepapers.Sheisasilent
hunter.Theembarrassmentofthefatalitiesonlyensuresthatherschemeremainssilent.Itisbut
theperfectplan,aplanofextremeintelligence,aschemethatnohumaniscapable.Humanscan
barelyunderstandtheplan.IwonderhowfarIamfromthetruth?Isthisjustallamirage?The
medicalsocietyisinthedenialstagesalso.ButitwaslongagothatIspokefranklytoanunknown
physicianontheinternet.Itoldhimmysituationandjustaskedhimwhysomanysayitsnot
thatbad.Whydosomanydoctorstelltheirpatientsitisnottoobad?Hesaidthatitwassimple.
Doctorsarescaredtodeathbecausetheycantdoanythingaboutit.He,too,wascaughtupin
herplan.Hewasafightingsoldieronhersidejustlikethefatalitiesofthecause.Hewas
ensuring,aswellasanyother,thattheplanwouldbeavictory.Shewillshowherself.Shedoes
showherselfaswellasshecan.Wearehereforher.Ifthatisnottherealitythenthereisnone.
Wearenotheretocreategoodbuttoperpetuateherneeds.Wearelikeantsbuildingoutnests

231

andthinkingweareincontrolandtheworldisatourmercyuntilacarelessfootstepsonusand
thewholeprocessstartsoveragain.Isnotlifeanendlessamountofcycles?Youputoutthe
trash.Theypickthetrashup.Youfillthecanandtheycometopickitupagain.Youworkatajob
tomakemoneysoyoucaneatandbuynicethingssoyouwillhavetocontinuetoworkandbuy
morenicethings.

CHAPTER4
VictimOne
ItwasonlyashortwhilebeforetellingCaroletoleaveandIgotaonebedroomapt.Itwassucha
fastdecisiononsuchadrawnoutsituation.Shestruggledagainstawalltopersuademeto
remaininhervestige.BeinguncertainandmaybefromtheblightIwascarrying,Imadethe
decisionswithharshstubbornness.TheTauruswasveryobviousfromtheonset.Idratherhave
diedthanshowherIwaswillingtoacceptanykindofapologyfortheactofhateshehadlicked
mewith.IaskedhertoleavethedayIfoundIhadit.Imovedintoa1bedroomapartmentinthe
samecomplex.IwassomadatherandIrealizedIhadtohideitfromeveryoneandIhadto
worryifshewouldtellothers.IdidhangaroundafriendnamedAl.Hewasanoldermananda
decoratedwarveteranthoughhewouldneveradmittoit.Hewasasourceofpotmorethan
anythingelse.WedidhavesomegoodlaughstogetherandIconsideredhimafriend.Itwasnot
longbeforehegotitfromme.IamnotsurehowbutIthinkitwasfromsharingthesamejoints,
marijuanacigarettes.FromwhatIknow,hegotitonhislips,nottheworstplacetogetit,butin
realityitdoeseventuallyspreadsoitsnotbadforatime.Iwouldstillgotohisplaceafterwork
andhewouldcometomine.WewouldplaycomputergamesandIactedasifnothinghad
happened.ThesoresIcouldseearoundhislips.Therewereseveralanditlookedasthoughhe
triedtoshavethemflushtotheskin.Ifonlyheknewthatwouldcertainlyenhancethespreading
thatmuchmore.TothisdayIneverhadtheopportunitytotellhimhowsorryIwas.Ilaterfound
outhecameintosomemoneysomehow,perhapsoldmoney.,soatleasthehadanopportunity
tosedatethepainawayasIhavedonealltheseyears.Hewasanoldermansothetimeforhim
waslimitedanyway.IrememberwhenLewisgotitfromme.Hedrankoutofmybeer
accidentallyandlookedatmeandheknewhehaditsomehow.Ibelievethat.Somehow,he
knewIhadit.Caroleandhehadaspeakingrelationship,perhapsshetoldhim.Maybenotto
hurtmebecauseshealsohadtoadmitsheinfectedmeonpurpose.Thatmusthavebeensome
conversation.Ofcourseshedidntlooklikeshehadinfectedmeonpurposeshehadwarnedme
thatshehaditbutthefirstchanceIgavehertofrenchkissme,shemadesureitwashardand
metthemark.Thenagain,maybehejustsuspected.Thentherewasofcourseafter,thefirst
one.ThatwasanexgirlfriendthatIleftonbadterms.AfterIhadgonethroughthestoryinmy
head,Ihaddiscovereditwasjustamatterofherbeingintherightmoodatthewrongtime.I

232

wouldsayseveraldaysafterImovedintotheonebedroomapartmentNoracameover.Shehad
diabetesandshewouldactuallyeatchocolatecookiestogetbuzzedwhichIfoundoutcoming
homeearlyoneday.IfoundherinahalfcomabutstillawakeandshewasratherupsetbecauseI
hadfoundoutwhyshekeptthejobatthecookieshopshemadeverylittlemoneyat.The
relationshipwithherwasabout2yearsbeforeImetCarole,andjustmonthsafterNoraandI
endedtherelationship.Shehadatendencytorideherbikeinthemorning,andthatshedid.She
wouldstopbymyplacewhenIwassleepingandatwakingupErectionStateandknockonthe
door.Thismorningwasdifferent,onlyshedidnotknowit,yet.ShecametothebedandIfelther
up,andwemadeoutandafterawhilesheleft.Iwasveryactivelikealways,andveryangry
towardsCarole.AfewdayslaterIsawher,andshejustlookedatmefromadistanceandrode
herbikeonby.ThelookwaspiercingbecauseIknewwhatIhaddone.IfeltlikeIcouldhave
easilykilledherandthatwasjustherghostpiercingbutshecoulddonothingatthispoint.She,
likeI,knewitwasmuchtolate.Likeasmallchilddoingsomethingandbeingcaught.Icouldjust
standandnotmoveamuscle.Isomewhatfearedformyownwellbeingforatimeafterthat.
Thereisnothinglikeawomanwithavengeance.Thereisalsonothinglikeamanwitha
vengeanceeither.Tothisday,IhaveyettotellherbutIalmostdidoncerecently.Ispokewith
heronthetelephoneandwediscussedgettingtogether.IeveninsistedwhatIhaddoneandshe
saidshewasfineandthattherewasnowayshehadit.Ididnotsayitagainandletherrestin
herdenial.MylogicwasthatshehadenoughtoworryaboutorshedidnotwanttoadmitIgot
thelastlaugh.Idonotfeelthisway.Ijustwishthatdayhadnthappened.Shehadenough
problemsandIshouldhaveknownbetterbutthatiseasytosayalmost7yearsafterthefact.I
alsoknowherdenialmeansshehadprobablyinfectuntoldnumbersbynow.Shewasnevera
whorefromdefinition,butitonlyrequiredakissandshedidplentyofthat.AllthepeopleIhave
mentioneduptothispointareinawaymyoffspringandofcoursetheoffspringofCaroleand
finallyStacy.Ididnottellmydealerofthepotfearinghewouldnotselltomeanymore.ThatI
neededforthepain.Atworkthingssuregotcrazy.IbegannoticingthetechniciansIworkedwith
intheemergencyroomhavinglargeblistersontheirlips.Thatwasatelltalesign.Theyallliked
meandweworkinclosequarters,sharedthesamephones.IcannotsayforsureifIinfectedthe
fourtechniciansIknowhadit.ButIcansaythatbeforeIgotittheyhadnosignofit.Onthe
otherhandIhaditonmytonguesoIalmostnevergotitanywherebutonmytongue.Icould
neverbeblamedbecauseevennowwhenIdosayIhaveitonmytonguemanydontbelieveme.
Thedoctorshavenodoubtthough.Ididfinallyinfectmybossatthehospital,Lydia.Thiswasof
courseindirectly.Lewis,herhusband,Iimaginepanickedordoubtedhowcontagiousheactually
was.OnedayInoticealargeamountofmakeupcoveringherlipstryingtohidetheblistersthat
coveredhertoplip.Itmadeperfectsensetome.AgainIkeptsilentwithmyunnoticeable
contaminationonmytongue.Thatturnedouttobethereasonorjustanotherreasonforher
lettingmego.Thisofcoursewasafteryearsworkingatthehospital.Icouldntblameher.The
radiationwaskillingmeeverynightanyway.Thatisnotevenconsideringthestressworkingin
theERonatraumateam.Whileonthetopicofjobs,recentlywithinthelastthreeyearsof
writingthisIhadacomputersalesjob.Isoldinpersonandonthephone.Iinfectedafew
customersthatIknowofforsure.TalkingonInternetrelaychat,anInternetchatprotocol,Ifind
theattitudeofhidingit,andkeepinginsecretchannelsissomewhataddingtothemisery.I

233

changethechanneltopictoWhatsthatblisteronyourpenisandtheyexclaim,Thatsthe
crapthatprobablygotyoubannedinthefirstplace.ReferringtowhenIwasbannedfroma
channelbutsincethechannelwasunregistered,itforgotallthebans.Therefore,Iamtryingto
keepmycool.WiththeunderstandingthatIhavegivenittosomanyhundredsthatstillthink
onewouldcareonIRCtheInternetofallplaces.Iamactivenowandjusttookthemedicinethat
keepsmefromgettingtooexcitedandhyper,basicallypainmedicinebuttheyhavewarnedme
forsometimenowandIameatingleastoftenthanIshould.IdidmeetagirlatworkbeforeI
wasfiredandtoldherthetruth.ShewasAmy.IdidlikeAmyverymuchuntilIfoundsheliked
mebecauseIwasrathergenerouswithmypainmedicine.ShewasoneofthefirststhatIwas
honesttobesidestheonesImetontheInternet.ThisisallinretrospectofwhenIhadmyjob
sellingcomputersinBradenton,Floridasomeyearsafterthewholemessbegan.Mentioningher
thisearlyinthebookmayensureherdemise.IamnotforcertainbutIwillalwaysbecareful
withherIhadtopromisethattomyselfeveryday.Maybetheonlyreasonforwritingthisistoget
themoneytocontinuethefurnishingofthenest.Toenhancethetechnicalandarbitrary
functiontobuildthenesttocomplexities,sothatpaincanbecomelove.Painbecomeslove;the
peopleinvolvedwhosufferforthenameofmistakesintheirlife,forthatonelifecrushingdate,
forthatonekissthattheycouldhavebeenbetterwithout.Thatiswherethemoneyhastogo.
We,thefatalities,outnumbereveryone.Weareallanswerabletothenest.Weareall
answerabletooneanother.Thenestisalwaysheardthatisonedifference.Wearelivingforthe
nest.Weareencouragedtooopenlyandonadailybasistokeepthenestalive.Thenestcan
neverdie.Thenestcanonlydependonhumans.Itcannotliveinanyothercreature.Justinone
creaturecanthenestlive,acreaturewithasoul.Thatistheonlylogicintheinsanity.Youare
immuneifyouhavenosoul.Iwouldnotevenknowhowtotalkmyselfoutofthatone.Thenest
mustlivesothatthepaincanlive.Now,withoutthepain,lifeisnotrightanymore.Ifpainwere
taken,woulditbedesiredback?IdontthinkIwillevergetachancetofacethatproposition.Is
itsomekindofaddiction?Theliethatnothingwillcomeofallthepainthatisendured.WillIever
getasecondchancetoconfrontthemanythataremychildrenandthenestsgrandchildren.My
firstvictimwaseitherNoraorMichelleIdonotrememberwhichcameoverfirst.Infact,Ijust
rememberfacesofmany,possiblyanamepopsup.Thenestdefiantlyispreserved.Thesehaveit
inthemouthsotheyareverygoodservantstoher.Idonotevenhavetothinktwice.Michelle
didcometomewiththepuppydogeyesbutIplayeddeadbecausethenestdoesnotneedto
answerrightaway.Intimeandinpainyouunderstandwhatyourreasoningis.Thepurposeof
yourwholeexistenceisclear.Sheisalwaysthereforyou.Sheshowsherselfwhenshecan.She
showsyouallshecan.Thatishowmuchshecaresforthenest.Wejustthinkpainisbadbutpain
maybeaformofcommunication.Isthattotallyimpossible?Wellifyoubreakyourleg,thepain
isagoodmessage.Itistellingyoutogethelp,thatyourlegisbroken.Thenestisthesameway.
Shetalksherlanguagetous.Maybeshedoesnotknowhowtoexpressherselfanyotherway.
Sheisafighter,canliveoutofthebodyforupto14days.Shestaysonmytoothbrushsoifby
chanceIamnotactiveinthemorningafterbrushing,usuallylessthan15minutesIamactive
again.Whatapickerupperinthemorning,noon,andevening.Shejustwaitsforachanceto
showherloveandmaybeshefeels,maybethenextstagewillbetohearhercry,andweasher
fatalitiesandservantswillsomehowunderstandherlanguageoflove.Sheperhapswilltakeher

234

formthen.Thenshewillbe,assheneedstobe.Shewantstobecomeaformbutthe
requirementsmaybebeyondourunderstanding.We,ashumans,attempttoplaceatagonone
thinganditsomehowtagsmanyotherthings,withoutasmuchablink.Couldtherebesuch
intelligence?Onethathasevolvedintosuchasmallstatethatitisalmostnonexistent.An
intelligencethatevolvedintoastatethatcouldlastthousandsofyears.Theironyissheonlylikes
beings.Doesthatmeanshewascreatedasaresultofthecreationofbeings?Dobeingslacka
properdefensemechanismtodealwiththisinvasionwhenothercreatures,evenonesvery
similartobeingsarenotaffected?Possibly,theseanimalswerenotselected.Obviousreason
beingtoourspecificintelligencepatternorpotential.Beingswouldnottrytoteachacattotalk
beforetheywouldtrytoteachagorillatotalk.Shewouldselecttheonemostlikelyableto
listentohercries.Herintelligencewouldlogicallydrawhertowardsus,withouradvanced
speechandsignalingdevices.Whydothealiensfromspacehavetobelikeus?Itsonlylogicalif
youwanttotakeoveraraceyoulearntolivewithinthem.Possiblythevirusisamonitoring
deviceofsomesort.Itdoeshavemuchtodowiththenervoussystem.Ithaseverythingtodo
withemotions.Thevirusisactivatedbyradiation.Mostorganismsarekilledbyradiation.Sheis
turnedonbyradiation.Perhapssheistellingustostayoutofthesunorperhapssheflourishes
intheradiation.Itsnottotalspeculation.Manyofmyideashavecomefartoohard.Ihavehad
alongtimetothinkaboutwhatishappening.Evenifafewofmyideasarerealitythensomeof
thisisworthwhile.EvenasItypethisintothecomputer,theradiationfromthemonitoris
makingmefeelherlove.IhavetriedtostopthinkingaboutthissituationbutIfinallyjustdecided
towriteabook.WeatheritturnsintoanovelIdonotknow.Itmayjustendupashortstory,but
thereisnoquestionIhaveplentytowriteabout.Findingsomesortoflogicalwaytopresentit
withoutsoundinglikeamanfargoneisanothermatter.Iamnotinsane.InfactIamrathersane,
maybemoresothanothersinmysituation.Ihavelearnedtobehonestaboutittopeople.
Althoughpartsofthisstoryareindifferentstages,Ihavenotmeansittobethatwaybuthave
foundthatwhatremainswhenallthedustisclearedisjustaswell.Thisisnotabookaboutlogic
orabookthatstartsonthefirstpageandendsonthelast.Itstartsandbeginseverywhere.The
factremainsthereisnoend.IcouldwriteonforeveraboutthenightsofdreamsofpeopleIhave
infectedcomingafterme.IcouldwriteonforeveraboutthefearIinstillintopeopleifIdare
sharemystorywiththem.Thefearisjustified.InretrospectifIknewthenwhatIknownowI
wouldhaveransofarawayfromCarolewhenshesaidshehadit.Iwouldhavehadnomercy.
ThepainIhavesufferedbothmentallyandphysicallyisnotworthanyhumansorGodslove.
Thatmaysoundharshbutitisanunderstatement.

CHAPTER5
ClosetoaThousand
Onedoesnotgetmuchofachancetodwellinlifeonwhathehasaccomplished,goodorbad.
Manyaspectsoflifearevisualizedfromaveryobjectivepointofviewnomatterhowclosewe
tryandbecautiousabouthowweapproachtheproblemsraised.Therearejustcertainthings
youdontreallydealwith.Youtryandtreadontheflow.Thepowercanbegainedtoacertain
fashionthoughIdarenottrytocontainitintoanysortofformthatIcouldpossiblyuse.That
alonewouldcausemoreconcern,morenervousnessandthusmorepain.SoIletthatalonefor

235

now.IhavethedreamsoftheonesIhavegivenlighttoandtheylookwithcuriouseyes.Not
certainastothewaysormeansofthesituationtheyhavebeenthrownupon,likebabydogs,not
sureifthecarsdrivingbyaregoodorbadyet.Rubbingitalloverandwatchingthehorrorasthe
daysgoby.Yousaynothingtowarnthemofthepainandharmthattheycontrivethoughthey
knownot.Theyhavedonenowrongaccordingtotheirtrueknowledge.Thethrustforwardinto
thenextdaysspreadingthoughtheyarenotawareandtheylookatmewithquestionsandturn
away.Itisbetterfortheparenttolettheyounglearnforthemselves.Somemaycausegreat
harmbeforetheylearnwhatisaboutthem.Thisinnaturemusthappenoccasionally.Itseemsin
casesthatalittlehelporcomfortwoulddobetterthanworse.Thequestionsthatwouldfollow
wouldnotbeworththemomentscomfort.Theblameandthereasoningwouldsetinandthat
wouldbethebeginningofstagetwoforthem,therealizationofthepower.Iamgoingtotakea
walkoutsideinthesuntocatchsomeraystoensurethepainwillsetinbynightandthedrugs
justifiedandtheoblivionaccomplished.Notthroughwillofsoulbutthroughcontrolofinternal
influencespread,frominfluencetoinfluencewithinthoseinfluences.Sheistheinfluence.Sheis
thenest.Justmakingsurehernestcontinuesagainsttheattemptstokillherrepeatedly.Soshe
panicsandshowsherlovetoherchildrenthattheymayshowherlovetomoresothatshe,the
nest,canbeatpeace.However,forheritisneverendingeither.Shelovessomuchthatsheis
herselfaslavetoherself.Shehastriedsolongtoshowherlovewithnoresponsesandsheis
tiredfromthemanyjourneysthroughtheagesfromthePharaohs,theMayanIndians,andthe
peopleonEasterIsland.Shewastherewaitingforherchancethen.Ithasbeenlongforherand
sheisgettingimpatientsoshenowgetsnervousandshowsmorelovebecausesheisafraidshe
willnoteverfinishhercommunication.Thehumans,whoshareherandknowtheyhaveherand
herlove,hearhercries.Shegoesformethodsnotusuallyused.Shenestsinplacesthataresure
tospreadherlove.Therecipientispowerless,evenslightaccidentsserveherwell.Letalonethe
anger,fluctuationsofthehumanendeavor,theseserveherjustaswell.Thehumannatureof
greedandrevengeandpaybacksservethenestwell.Shecanshowherloveincreasingly.Beings
arecaughtupinthereownpettydisputesandshejustcontinueshergrowthandspreading.She
wassomehowplacedhereorevolvedherselfintowhatsheis.Asignofacreatureorabeastor
aninsectwithreasoning,islongevity.Thelawofnatureissimply;onlythestrongsurvive.That
hasatwofoldmeaninginthiscase.Thehumansthatarestrongaretheonesthatfeellittle.The
humansthatspreadthelovearethestrong.Theonesthatareweakaretheonesthattryto
fightbysecludingthemselves.Thisbringsontheinsanityandthemadnessthatmuchquicker.
Thestrongaretheonesthatcanactlikenothingiswrong.Thestrongaretheonesthatcaninfect
andnotbedetected.Withthissaidsheisalsostrongbecauseshehasovercomemuch.Shehas
proventomanysheisnotathreat.Shehastoldmanysheisnotanenemybutjustaminorset
back.Shehasdeceivedmillionsthattheyjusthaveaskinirritation.Shehaspersuadedthe
doctorsaroundtheworldthatsheisnotworthspendingmuchtimeon.Sheisjustasimplevirus.
Shecantkillyou.Intodaysworldsolongasthebodyisinmotionwhocaresaboutthemind?
Themind,althoughoncedead,canneverbereplaced.Whatisthepointofmotionwhenthe
motionhasnosetplanorgoal?.Thebodyinmotiondoesnotautomaticallyrelatetopeace,
intelligence,orpurpose.Aftereverything,whatismoreimportantthemindorthebody?Are
bothequals?Wouldoneratherbeparalyzedbuthaveclearthoughtorbeinphysicalcondition

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buthavenoabilitytodoanythingwiththatconditioning.Themanyattemptsforthemedical
communitytoinsisttherearewaystopreventoutbreaksyetinthesamesentencetheyalso
sayitwillnotstopalloutbreaks.Onesuresigninmedicinethatthereisnohopeiswhenyou
seethreedoctorsandtheyallsay,Trythis.anditisalldifferentmedicines.Theyarepaidto
givehope.Theyarenotpaidfortheirhonesty.Ihavenoticedthateveryonethatbecomes
infectedactstheexactsameway.Theyareangryandbitterandalsoinshockandterror.Thisis
demonstratedeverytimeIentertheherpeschatroomontheInternet.Manyhaveacertain
disdainformebecauseItryandtellthenewbornthehonesttruthandmanyclaimIamjust
scaringthem.Fromtheirpointofview,thatmayappearwhatIamdoing.Iknowbetter.Theywill
alsohavetogrowandlearnthentheywillbewhereIam.Ihavenoticedthequietonesareeither
theverynewortheveryold.Theonesthattalkalotaretheonesthatarejustgraspingforany
kindofhopetheycan.Thisofcoursejustservesthenest.Itdoesntdothemselvesorthenew
onesanygood.Theolderonesareatapointusuallyofacceptance.Thebattleseemstomellow
onefromtheshockthathasoccurred.Withtimeyoujustslowlygiveupinside.Youdonotwant
toadmitthatyouhavegivenupthebattle,butitistrue.Youhavetoldyourstorysomanytimes
youarejustsickofit.Itsickensyoutorehashthesametruthoverandoverjusttonewpeople.
Youjustbecomesomelancholytowardsallofit.Lifeitselfjustlosestexture.Lifeitselfreally
stops.Itbecomesthesamedayeveryday.Youstopdreamingofhavingalifeandhavingkidsand
beingmarried,becauseitsmoretroublethanitisworth.Thosethataremarriedorhavefamilies
eithergotattachedinfearofbeingleftaloneortheywereinfectedwhiletheyweremarried.I
recallacaseofawomanwhocheatedonherhusbandandwasinfectedgenitallybyamanwho
claimedtobeastripper.ItoldherstraightupIhavenomercyforherbecauseshecheatedon
herhusband.IfeelthatwaybecausemaybethatishowIcontactedit.Imnotcertain.Shewasin
shockandwantedtoknoweverything.Shewasaskingeveryperceivablequestion.Thatisagood
exampleofthepanicthatsetsin.Youwanttobeeducatedbuttheonlytruthisyouareoneof
hersnow.Youservethenest.TheBiblesaysnomancanservetwomasters.Thisisverytruein
thissituation.IhavetriedtoserveGodthebestIcanbutonlyendupangrybecauseIfeelheis
lettingthishappentome.Iamtoldthatisntthecasebutthatdoesntreallycutthe
mustard.Attimesitseemstotallyinsane.Ofcoursenothavingitornotexperiencingitonecan
neverevengetclosetowhatitislike.Itslikedescribingsex.Youcansayitfeelsgoodandyou
feelwarmandclose.Buttoonethathasneverhadit,theycanonlyrelatetowhattheyhave
experiencedthatfeelsgood.

CHAPTER6
OverandOver
Thepaincandriveyourspinningmindintoaplace,totheabyss.Irritationonlyfeedsonthepain
youfeelandknowtobeyourlover,trueasshecanbe.Alwaystheretoconfronttheeinpainand
sufferingTisIthee.Shewillneverletyoudownifyoushowheryouneedher.Sheoffersthesun
andstresstolethershowherself,itisyourchoice.Somedaysareasifthenightmareoflivingis
justadream.Everythingappearsbacktonormalandthetidehasshiftedtotheadvantageofthe
shipping.Thelightchophassettledandthebirdsthatlivenearbysingandplay.Tomorrowisso

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faraway.Thetimedoesbecomemoremeaningfulandtheshiftsofthesecondshavenew
texture.Timeitselfhasnewpurpose.Itisexaminedingreaterdetail.Theverysecondsaregiven
fullrespect.Thesecondshavenewmeaning.Theyeachhavethepotentialofbringingtheir
momentofpeaceofpain.Theyoffernothingelse.Theverybreaththattimeonceofferedis
dividedbetweenthetwodimensions.TheQueenonlyoffersafewoptionsandyouaregiven
easychoices.Tobecomplexistowelcomethevindication.Ifyouwanttofeelherwarmthjust
layinthesunforawhileandshewillbebyshortlytocomfortyoureveryneed.Sheneverwill
complainandwillcomeinthenightifyouarelikethat.Shewillcometoyouandshowyouher
love.Ifyoucanjustunderstanditisherlove,thenyoucanonlybegintoloveherback.Youcan
begintounderstandyouarejustaplatformforherventuresthathavebeengoingonfor
centuriesandcenturieswithoutahitch.Shejustaskseverythinginreturnandusuallybythetime
youfindoutshehaslovedyou,youwillslowlystarttoloveher,lovelikenoother.Shecries
whenyoucryandletsyouknowherlove.Sheletsyouknowsheistherewithyouandsheknows
whatyouaredoingandgoingthroughforher.Sheisgratefulandshowsitoften.Shedoesnot
wantittobelikethisbutshehasthecompulsioninsideofherthathastogetout,andshedoes
notknowtheword,No.Thatmakesiteasyforsomethatmaybethinktheyjustwanttohavea
fewonenightstands.Takearisk.Insidethehumanthinks,itisimmunetoherlovebutshe
knowsthatyouarenotawareofthegreatloveshecangiveyou.Youcanserveherandyoucan
beinwiththeothersinthenest,throughouttheworld.Theyallknowthesecret.Atleast,the
oneswhomatterknowthesecret.Therestarebetteroffintheirownworldofdenial,honesty,
orexplanationsforitall.Theyhaveallservedher.Iftheydonotadmititthentheyhaveserved
herverymuch.Onesindenialserveheralsowiththebestofexpectations;mindnumbingresults
thatonlyadeitycouldfigureoutafterallthedamagewastabulated.Likeafteratornadoandthe
newssays,Damagesareestimatedinthemillions.Thatiswhythedenialonesaresogoodat
theirservice.Sheshowsherloveforthem.Theniftheyareluckytheycangetapartnerthatdoes
nothaveherloveyetandintime,herlovewillgetcloser.Eventually,thecouplewillbeinthe
nestservingher,astheydid2000yearsagointhesamesituations.Shewasthereandknows
whatyouknowandwhatyouregoingtodointheend.Youwillserveher.Theproblemwith
humanstryingtofindamethodtothemadnessistherearesomanychildrenallatdifferent
stagesofthedisease.Manyhaveitindifferentways.Somehaveitgenitally,someonthetongue
,andsomeontheface.Ofcoursethereisnoplaceitcannotbe.Ihaveheardofpeoplewithiton
theleg,theanus,andthefingers.Thereisreallynounsuitableplaceforit.Therearejustbetter
placesthanother.Theworstisinthebrainandtheeyes.Thesearenotbadplacesifyouare
relatingtochancesofinfectingothers.Theworstplaceforinfectingothersisthetonguethenthe
lipsandthenthegenitalarea.Thefingersmustbeagoodplacetoinfectyourself.Ihavenothad
thepleasureofhavingitthereyet.IimagineIwilleventuallygetitonmyfingers.Ihavenever
actuallysatdownandtalliedhowmanyIhaveinfectedintentionallyorotherwise.Mymemory
hashelpedmeforgetmanybutIwouldimaginethatnumberliesinthehundredstotal.Ofcourse
thatdoesnotincludehowmanytheyhaveinfectedbecauseIhaveinfectedthem.Howcruelone
mustbetoinfectsomeonewiththisdisease.Itsactuallynotlikethatatallfromthechilds
pointofview.Idonotlookatmyselfasevilorassomeoneoutofcontrolorintentionallylooking
toinfectpeople.IdonotthinkIhaveevergoneoutlookingtoinfectsomeone.Itisjusteasier

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nottotellsomeonethanitistotell.Itruinsanychanceyoueverhadofbeingwiththem,andin
somewaythereisalwaysthechanceafteryouinfectthemtheywilldecidetostaywithyou.The
horrorcomeswhenafteryouhaveinfectedthemandtheydecidetostaywithyouhavethis
overwhelmingfeelingtonotbewiththembecausetheyareinfected;thehorriblefeelingthat
theymaytryandgetbackatyousomehowbyeitherinfectingyouelsewhereorbysimplykilling
youinyoursleep.Thisisaveryrealsituation.Ihaveconsideredthosethoughtsbutalways
turnedfromthembecausespendingtimeinajailcellwithoutaccesstopainmedicineperhaps
wouldjustmakethingsworse.Oftenwhenintheherpeschatroomstheyounginitiatessay
Whydontyoutrynottothinkaboutitandmaybeitwillgetbetter.andusuallybeforeIcan
evenanswerapersonwillreplyIstayedupallnightinpain.Itshardnottothinkaboutit.So
yousee,thereisaclearseparationfromtheonesthathavehaditawhileandtheoneswhoare
stillnewandstupidtothewholenightmare.Ihaveoftenwonderedifthereareanylegal
implicationsofinfectingsomeone.Canapersonholdyouliableforinfectingthemwhetheritbe
byaccidentornot?Thereissuchafineline.Iwouldimaginethecourtswouldbesofilledto
capacityifitwereagainstthelawtoinfectsomeonethattherewouldbenoothercasesheard
butthese.JustinmycasealoneIwouldhavesomanypeopleouttogetme.Thenonewould
havetowonderwheredoestheblameend?CouldmydefensebethatCaroleinfectedmeand
sheistoblamefortheplaintiffsinfection?HercasewouldbeChrisinfectedhersoheistoblame
fortheaccidentalinfectionshehascaused.ChriscouldthenarguethatStacyinfectedhimand
sheistoblamefortheinfectionshehascaused.HavingitonthetongueIcansafelysayIhave
infectedmorebyaccidentmaybe10foldthanIeverinfectedonpurpose.Onesuchcasewasa
customeratthecomputerstoreIworkedat.IdontrecallhisnamebutIrememberspeaking
withhimjustafewfeetaway,indepth,aboutasystemhewishedtopurchase.Thenextdayhe
cameinwiththegoodnewsthatthesystemwasago.Hehadamustacheandonhislipwasa
sorethesizeofaquarterthatwasalsospreadingintohislowernostrils.Ifeltabout1inchtall.I
couldnotlookhimintheeyes.Mymindwasracingathousandmilesanhour.Iwasintotal
shock.Hewasagoodfriend.Ihadnoproblemswithhim.Ididntmeanforthistohappen.Ihad
destroyedhimwithoutevenaconsciouseffort.Hestayedandtalkedtomeforatleasttwenty
minutes.Thisseemedlikealleternitytome.IwonderedifhenoticedIcouldnotmakeeye
contact.Ijustkeptstarringatmyhandywork.Itrulyfeltsorryforthefirsttimeinalongtime.I
wantedtojusthughimandbegforhimtoforgiveme.Iknewthatwasdefiantlyfantasyland
thoughtsthough.Howwillthateventaffectmelaterondowntheline?Itseemsjustlikethis
morning,justlikewhenIwasfirstinfected.Itfeelslikejustthismorning.Hewasaclassiccaseof
notintentionallyinfectinganother.Apparently,somehow,abitofspithithislipandthatisreally
allittakes.Iimaginetheonlygoodpointisthatitdidntlandinhiseye.WhatImeanbyon
purposeisjustnottellingthembeforeakiss.Onethingforsureisthelawyerswouldhaveahay
day.Thatispossiblyonereasonthatithasneverbeenbroughtup.Thereisjusttoomany
infectedandtoomanysecretschemesinpeoplesmindstosomehowgetevenwiththeones
thathaveinflictedthem.Eventuallytheywillstarttoinfectothersandtheirgrievanceslowly
takesabackseattotheirowndemiseandoneturnsfromhunterintohunted.Oneslowlygoes
fromwantingrevengetoworryingaboutwhoisouttryingtogetevenwiththem,theonesthey
infected.Idonothaveitgenitallybutitdoesseemthemalesareveryashamedofwhatthey

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haveandareusuallyquietabouttheirangerandthewomen,whoIunderstandsufferrather
harshlywithitgenitally,haveagreathateforthemenwhoinfectedthemandholdnobarsin
makingthatopinionclear.

CHAPTER7
TomorrowisMonday
Thepainmedicationreallyhelpedmetoforgetaboutthepain.Thatalmostsoundscolorfully
elementary.Themedievalqualityofthatmedicallyprescribedadoption,themedicinesforlife
presentalways.Tolivelifeinabletocontainthepain.Icannotsavemyselffromthatcertainty.
HowamIsupposedtotryandsavemydignityormyname?IcannotregainwhatIhavegained.
ThatistosaythatIhavetosearchrealhardandwalkrealfastjusttogetbacktotheaverage.To
getbacktothepointwherejustbeingstablewassomekindofgreattastefulgoalthatwaseasily
toobtainwithjusttherightamountofcoordinationinafewsimpleareas.Thestresswassimply
anoptiononecouldtakeorleave.Therelationfactorwasthere.Theabilitytoescapecouldbe
foundinamuchmoreconvenientlocation.Nowofcourseitwasbeingnowhere.Icangetthings
donewhichareimportant.Atleastaccomplishsomethingbesidesgivingthistomorepeople.
ThatisgoingtohappenanywaysoIcannotbothermyselfwithsuchthings.Ihavethesebumps
onmytonguetodealwith.IwanttobeatworkontimetomorrowandIwillbeupatsevenwith
pillsinhandifIhavetobecauseIneedthemoney.Ididnotworkbutabout167bucksworthlast
weekandImgoingtobebrokeherewhenrentcomesup.Ieventuallygaveittoafriendatwork,
thepersonwhosurfs.Hewascool.Imnotsurehowhegotitmaybejustbythephoneswe
bothtalkon.ImnotsurebutIreallyfeelbadaboutthat.
SoonedayIwasgoinghomeearlyandLuissaid,TaketheweekoffIwillcallyou.Somyjob
diedbutIdontthinkIcouldlastlonganyway.Mynervesaregettingworse.Iknowthat.The
nervesaretheworstpartbecausethereisnowaytoescapethem.Yousleeptogetawayfrom
them.Thedaysareratherfoggyasoflate.Thepainwashorridjustadayago.Thepainisfine
somedays.Icanthinkandlaugh.Icannotforgetaboutthepainthatcomestowardstheendof
theday,verysoontonighttograntmywishesanddispelmyillusions.Ihavebondedwithmany
insomanyfashionsthoughIwillbondwithoneforevermoresoon.JustafaintchancethatI
shouldmeetonewithsuchdelightinthepainanddelightinthemisery.Myheartpoundsandmy
handsshake.IhavenotasmuchtouchedherbutIhaveheardoftherumors.Iseeheratnight
whenitiscoldonthebalcony.Shehasthespiritsofmany,buthasnotquitetheinsanityofher
master.Attimessheshowsstartlingoptionsofwhatisabouttobeorofthingstocome.She
knowsthenestmustbehermasterbecauseitiswheresheisalwaysfound.Thenestisthe
reasonforher.Shewouldnotbewithoutthenest.Themillionsofyearsshespentworkingon
hernestsothatshecouldshowherlovetous,andweattackherandtrytodestroyher.She
knowsshemayneverbedestroyed.Shehasfartoomuchinvested.Morepeopleknowherlove
thananyotherhumandisease.Shewontkillyoubecauseyouareherlover.Shewillletyou
downandshewillmakeyouhurt.Shewillmakeyouhurtsothatyouunderstandherways.
Finally,afteryoufighther,youfindthelightandseeshejustwantstobeoutsideasweare.She
wantsustohearher;shehassomuchtosayafteralltheseyears.Themillionsofyearsshespent

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perfectingthenestwaitingforustogettoapointofcommunication.Shewaitedforustobe
abletoperceiveherandfeelherlove;wetrytodestroyher.Sheneverhasmeantanyharm.Its
justwhenpeoplefightherlongenoughshewinsandthatpersonblamesherbutshecannever
lose.SheistheSupremeBeingcomparedtohumans.ShehastheSupremePlanthatwecannot
understand.Thereisnostagewhereeveryonegetstodevelopsomekindofdefense.Every
personinfectedisatadifferentstage.Therearesomanystagesthatthereisbitternessinthe
actualpeoplewithit.Thereisnomajoritythatcanbandtogethertoputupsomekindoffight.
Thereisnostagethateveryoneeventuallyreaches.Sotherearebandsoflittlegroups.Thejust
infectedgroupthatisjustintotalshockandhorrorabouttheentirething.Thenthereisthe
secondstagewhereIstayedforabout7years.Thatstageissecrecy.Afteryouhavelearned
enoughinyoureagernesstolearninthefirststageyourealizeyouhadbetterjustshutupifyou
wanttohaveanykindofalifeorfriends.Duringthesecondstageyoujustfeelthegreatsenseof
embarrassmentthatyouhavetosupportsuchasadmisery.Youdonthateyourself.Youjust
hatethediseaseandthepeopleyouarelefttominglewith.Youhavethegreatfeelingofhaving
tosettleforwhoeverwilltakeyouinyourcondition.Thewintersareallbutunbearable.You
noticetheyearsslipbyandallyoucandoiswavethemon.Youhavemomentswhenyouarenot
inpainthatyouthinkmaybeithasjuststopped.Momentswhenthemorphinegivesyouthe
illusionthatyouarenotinpain,thatyouarenotcontagious.Thatisjustanillusionandthe
sadnessandpainreturnswithinhoursandyouarebacktosquareone.Iamsomewhatofa
likablepersonsoIhavelittleproblemmakingfriends.Ihavejustgrownnowtothepointthatits
moretroublethanitisworthtomakefriendsbecause,thesimplefactis,Ihavetotellthem
eventually.Thisleavesmewithmanyshallowfriendships.Theyaskmeoverfordinnerortohang
outandIknowthatisntreallyagoodideaconsideringdrinkingoffaglassposesthegreat
potentialofinfectingthemeveniftheywashitgood.Thelifeexpectancyofheroutsideis14
days.
CHAPTER8
AlexandertheWanderer
TheFloridaclimatewasalwaysthesameeveninthedeadofawinternight.Itsstillbasically78
degrees.Therefore,Iliketobehere.Imaylivehereforever.StayneartheoceanincaseIneedto
makeanescapeofftoaforeignlandinsearchofriches.Traveltoafaroffisland,liveinthe
jungle,andsurviveoffofnature;somanychoicestolive.Theencounterscanonlydisplaythe
amountofwillandsoulputintosuchaventure.Itcostsoneslife.Itmaycostoneslifetimeto
learnalesson.Alessonlearnedisfarmoreeroticthananunopenedpackageexcepttherecould
bemoneyinthepackage.Iamnotwillingtogetoldtoofastnow.IthinkImightsettledown.
Andrewmadehiswayoffintotheswamps.Thedarkundergrowthcreatedacoveringforhis
world.Thewildlifewasneverkeepinganydatesorappointments.Thecreaturesoftheswamp
orpoliticallycorrectofthemomentwaswetlands.Toaddmoreexplanationshowmakesthe
uneducatedsuddenlyeducated.Thehawkwasstillkingexceptfortheoccasionalbaldeagle.The
largesnakes,mostlywatermoccasins.Theserpentsblacktexture.Thesnakeissomewhatofa
terrortothecasualparticipant.Theverybitecandefiantlytakethestingoutofwhatisailing
you.Thedarklifelesseyesofthecoilofskin.Theserpentlaysinwait.Catchingthewarmsunto
createthemagicpotionitismorethandyingtointroducetoyourpoundofflesh.Nothingcould

241

darepenetratethesurroundings.Thesorrowfulthingisonemaynotescapeuntilperhapsthey
aretooold.Alexandertraveledforseveraldays.Noneedtostoporsleep.Histaskwasassimple
asitwasold.Deepintheswamp,therearenosounds.Thetreesarehundredsofyearsoldasis
themossthatcoverstheirsides.ClosetomidnightonthefourthdayoftravelAlexandercomes
acrosstheoldvillagewherehewasborn.Asmallclayhutstandstothesouthandthelarger
structure,theTemple,wastothewest.Alexanderdustedofftheentrancewaytothetempleand
arrangedasetofbamboochairsinalinefashion.Theoldvillagehadntchangedmuch.Just
somewhatmoreovergrownthatwhenhewasayoungster.Thestreamwasnearwherehe
rememberscatchingasmanybluegillsasonefamilycouldeat.Hisfatherhaddiedwhenhewas
justayoungsterandhismotherlefttoliveinMiami.Hewaslefttofendforhimselfattheearly
ageofseven.Itwasnothardtodoconsideringthewildlifeandthemanyopportunitiesforfood.
Thenightswerethebestbecausetheinsectswouldsinghimtosleepeverynight.Theinsects
werehisclosestfriends.Theywouldwarnhimofimpendingdangerortheapproachofananimal
bysayingnothingatall.Whilethesongscontinuedallwassafe.Heoncehadtheideatobuilda
largerhousebutsoonrealizedhewasneitherabuildernoraplannersothepileofwoodhehad
collectedstillremainedinapilelikesomeunfinishedthought.Nowthepilewasovergrownand
thewooddecayedandinfestedwithcreaturesofeverysizeintheinsectworld.Hismotherwasa
sainteventohimnow.Shecouldhaveverywelllethimdieatbirthorcouldhavelefthimatan
earlierage.Hehalfunderstoodwhyshehadleft.Thelifeinthewoodswasnotforthosewitha
dreamofabetterlifebutanidealplaceforthosewhoarecontentwithjustliving.Therewereno
goalstoobtainandnodreamsofabetterway.Therewasanoldhawkthatwouldvisithimasa
boy.ThehawktookalikingtoAlexanderbecausehewouldsharethefishhewouldcatchfrom
thestreamnotfarfromthecamp.Thehawkwouldshowupintheeveningaroundsundown,
usuallyifitdidnothaveagreatdayofhuntingandAlexanderwasalwaysreadywiththeremains
ofthebluegillsandonceinawhilebasshewouldcatchinhismakeshiftnetthatheconstructed
fromtightlywovenvines.Alexanderknewthosetimewerefarbehindhimnow.Theentireworld
haddrawnawayfromthistypeofexistence.Theworldlookedatnatureassomekindofrare
opportunity.Technologyhadtakenover.Theaveragefamilycouldhardlythinktogointonature
withoutatelevisionandalltheluxuriesthattheyhadintheirhomes.Hewonderedwhatwas
eventhepointofgoingcampingifyouhardlynoticedyouwereinnature.

CHAPTER9
22
Icanstillhearyousaying,22istheperfectnumber.IwishIwere22,whenIwastoldthat,
perhapsIcouldhaveusedittomyadvantage.MaybewhenIam44Icanhavetwo22sandthe
affectwillbetwicethepotency.Thechainthatbeganasjustasmallthreadbetweenus.The
chainthatbeganasaninvisiblestrandoflightthatbeganinsomeungodlyquirkofnature.The
painisstillratherbad.Ireallythoughtthat,maybemebeinginhelleverydaywasjustastorythat
soundedverygoodwhenIwasjustifyingmymedicinetaking.Iknownowitishell.Everyday,
everyhour,Iwakewithoutreason.IwakesothatImaypreparetosleepagain.Theguiltyeyes
alwaysgiveitaway.Youcanjustrunlikehell.Youcanrunfromalldaytoallnight,thefeeling
deepinsidethatyoucantrunfarawayfrom,yourdate,thatyouwerecarefulwith.Youhave

242

torunlikehell.Yourfriendthatyouhadabeerwithandyouleftandhetookaswigoffyours,
thinkinghewasstealingfromyou.Thosearetheonesyoumustrunlikehellfromalldayandall
nightbecausetheycanrunfasterandlongerthanyoumusttobeginwith.Youhearthescream
oftheirwarningandthenyouwaketofindyourselfinapoolofsweat;thesweatthatnever
goes.Thememoriesofinfectingyourbestfriendsandthenstillhangingaroundthemastonot
warnthemtotheirimpendingfate.Oneofmybestfriendsintheworldbecameinfectedby
drinkingaccidentallyfrommybeer.WehungoutallthetimeandIwashonestlyascarefulasI
couldbe.ThenonenightwhilewatchingsomeTVhesippedoffmybeerandaskedWasthat
yours?Isaid,Imnotsure.HegaveitbacktomeandIknewhehadit.Ialwayswonderedif
heknewhehaditatleastbythenextdaywhenthepainsetin.Hegotitonhistongue.Ididnt
evenhavetoknowforafact,Icouldtell.Thesignsoffidgetingandhimbeingnervousandmore
irritablethanusualmademesure.Tomeitwasasplainasday.IknewIhadruinedyetanother
personforthenest.Igavethenestyetanotherwarriorforthecause.Ifeltlittleemotion.Ifeel
littleemotionevennowexceptwhenIamstonedonthemorphine.Ievenlaughatthingsand
myparentstakethatasOhheisgettingbetter.Wheninreality,itisjustawhitewash,justa
coveringtohidethetruth.Justasallofitis.Youreallycantliveareallife.Youjustpretend.Your
wholelifebecomesapretendgame.Youeventuallycanteventellwhatisrealandwhatisnot.
Youremotionsareyourworstenemy.Tothinkaboutthepastmakesyouinmorepainandthat
makesyoumoreemotionalwhichmakesthepainevenworse.Youdohaveasenseofwanting
togointotheworldandjustspreadyourwondertoeverycityandtownandcreateanarmyof
childrenthatoweyoueverythingbutnothingatall.TherewardisowedtotheQueenofthenest.
Thispositionofsuchgivingcandodamagetotheegoandthegoalsthatoneexpectstocarry
out.Theworldhastohavemoremeaningthanmakingthetime.Iamlivingasstaleanddry.The
stomachtendstobleedfromthetearsthatonemustsuckupandtryandpersuadeintowater.
Tocarryoutthebusinessofthedayisquiteeasyifyoucanfindtherightsoultoattendtothe
tediouscomplacencyandchoresthatmustbeaccomplishedinordertosimplyputfoodonthe
tableandputthefeathersinthepillow.Howmanybirdsmustlivetofillourpillowswithstuffing,
toeaseourrestlessmindsduringourslumber?Iftheyonlyknewthemeaninglesssituationthey
mustthrivein.Theyarehavingagoodtimeforthemomentnothavingtopicturetheactualboat
theyridein.

CHAPTER10
TooFastforYou
Oncetherewasamasterofthemisery.Ithinktheindividualthatrantheshowhadbeentaken
overfromalltheexcitementorhehadobeyedhismaster.Coveredbyhumorandallthe
beautifulthingsinlifethatcanmakeoneforgetthatthewarisrightinfrontofyou;thewarthat
comesonceandleavesnever.Thewarthatmustbelivedandtheshotsthatarefiredmustbe
rememberedanddealtwith.Thedeathsthatarecreatedbythewarrestwiththetriggerman.
Theactionstakeninwarmustbelivedwithinpeace.Theevilsonecanaccomplishinwarare
onlymadewheninpeacetime.Theanimalofabeingthatravagesinwarmustremainsilentin
thepeace.Thepeace,wemaintainwhileshowingthedevastationofthepastwars,onlytempt

243

andtauntthesoultocontemplatethemadness.Thebeautysometimesinterruptstheoffbeat
lifethatseemstobeamorningtonightprogression.Thelifecycleisnotthesameinallways.I
canrelatetothisbeingthedarkersideofmyday.Theangerequaledtheregrets.Theycannever
come.Ihavebeenafterthem.Ijusthearsilenceforallofmycries.ThedayspassfastandIbarely
sleep.Almostsoundslikewhatyoushouldexpectasasideeffectfromacoldmedicine.Even
afterthe7yearsalmosttotheday.MytypingisslowandImakemoreerrors.Littlethingsabout
mygesturesIcantell.Thewholeproximityofmyfoundationhasyettocrossthemarginalline.It
possiblyneverwill.

CHAPTER11
TheChairs
Thechairswereassembledinafashionofunity.InthecenterofthechairssatAlexander.Theair
washumidandhot.Therewereinsectsofalltypescrawlingeverywhereexceptintheprotection
oftheunifiedchairs.Asthedaygrewon,imagesoftimeswhenAlexanderwasinthecityfullof
lifeandexcitementemerged.Alexanderwasrememberingthethrillofgoingtothebigparties
untildawn,theexcitementofmeetingthatspecialsomeonefortheevening,andthetimewhen
Alexandercouldrunalldayandnightforweeksatatimeandneverevenstoptothink.There
wasnotimetothink.Ifyoudidthink,themomentpassedyouby.Themomentwaslostforever.
SmokestartedrisingfromaboveslowlyformingaboveAlexandershead.Althoughhewasnot
visiblyaware,acalmcameoverhim.Thesweatbeadsrandownhismoldedface.Thefaceofan
agedindividual,agednotbyagebutbyexperience.Hisskinwasstillsmooth,afteralltheyear,
afteralltheexperiences.Thesweatjustranoffandcametoapointatthetipofischin.Each
dropsplashedonthesandyfloornearhisfeet.Theinsectsbeganrunningintoafrenzy.Larger
insectscameintotheTemple.Somesmallratsandrodentsbegantoapproach.Theantswere
runningwildlytryingtopenetratetheunityofthechairs.Alexanderwasnowinalight,
meditativesleep.Thesmokeabovehisheadbegantothicken.Alexandercouldnthelpbutthink
howdownhefelt.HerepeatedinhismindIfeelsodown,Ifeelsodown.Thecreaturesof
manytypesnow,reptilesandbirds,allgatheredaroundtheunityofthechairsandthesweat
begantopoorfromhischinontothefloorandmadeasmallpuddlethatleakedoutsideofthe
circle.Thecreaturesallattackedeachotheratthispointwiththeunityleakofhissweat.Fierce
battles,tothedeath,startingwithantsandmovinguptothelargercreatures,began.Thebirds
werefightingtothedeathforanopportunityatthemoisteneddust.Thefirstdropofbloodwas
apparentonhisface,flowingdowntheleftsideofhischeek,splashingonhisleftwrists,falling
intothestreamnowformed,andflowingoutofthechairsofunity.Firstthebloodwaswatery,a
lightred.Thenitbegantopourintoadark,hotclotflowingfromeveryporeonAlexanders
smoothface.Alexanderseyeswerenowclosed,hisarmsrestingonhislapashesatthere.The
animalswereyelling,fighting,andeatingeachothertogetatasteoftheblood.Thesmoke
abovehisheadwasnowathick,dark,redbillowingbutneverlefttheareaabovehishead.Alow
tremblingcouldbeheardfarawaybutapproaching.Atfirst,Alexanderthoughtitmightbeafar
offplane.Thenherealizeditwasapartofthegrounditselfasitpulsated.Thevibrationgrew
slightlyaboutevery5minutes.Bynowdozensoftheanimalsweredeadattheflowfromthe
unityofthechairs.Theycontinuedtocatchjustatasteandifitcosttheirlivesitwasokay.The

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fewantsandbugsthatdidreachtheflowwereimmediatelyoverwhelmedandtakenawayinthe
flow.Theyweresweptaway.Someofthelargercreaturessimplysatanddrankthedarkliquidas
itflowed.Thepulsegrewgreaternow.Alexanderslightlyopenedhislefteye.Heglancedinthe
directionofwhereheassumedthesoundwascoming.AlsorealizingtheentireTemplewasa
glowfromthedark,redsmokethathoverednowovertheentireTemple.Theanimalsofmany
formsandshapesbegantosensethesoundandbegantopanicandruninalldirections.The
poundingcamelouderandlouder.ThesmokeabovetheTemplebegantoswirlinmanyshades
ofred.Alexandernowatfullattentionwatchedbutdidnotmoveamuscle.Thesoundcouldnot
havebeenmorethan100yardsawaybynow.Thevibration,thewholegroundwasapartofit.

CHAPTER12
JustWaiting
Thewaitingistheeasiestpartofthewholeprocedure.Youhavetimetothinkabouthowyou
wanttoapproachtheprocedure.Theshelfintheroomcontainsjustthemedicineyouneed;you
mustwaitandreadyyourselffortheshelfintheroom.Youknowthewaitingisnotthatrough.
Youarewaitingtobehealedtogettherighteousnessyouhavesoughtforsolong,togiveallof
yourselfandleavenothingtoattachanythingto.Totaketotheshelfornearthepresenceofthe
shelfthatisthehardestpart.Thewaitingistheeasiest.

CHAPTER13
During
Youcancompletelyforgetaboutcertainthingsthatoncemattered.Yougetanewreleaseon
yourlife.Yougetanewwaytostartagain.Forsome,inaverysickway,itisasecondchance.
Thepointjustbeforeyouknowyouareinfecteddoesnotlastverylong,fromwhatIunderstand;
youareatpeacebecauseatthatpointyouknowtheleast.Youarethemostinnocent.Youhave
noanswers.Youhavemillionsofquestions.Thepoint,Istressagain,doesnotlastverylong.This
isaveryimportantpoint.Unlessoneisthereandaware,thispointofthesituationcanbethe
mostmeaningfulintheentirejourneytohell.Youwillaskmany.Theanswersyougetwillbethe
mostimportantpartoftheprocess,boundintothesect.Youwillgetmanyanswersfromthose
youguesshavegoodintentionorhaveabookoradoctortobackthemup.Thatisyourchoiceto
seekanswersandthemoreyougetthefurtheryouwillescapefromtherealityofthewhole
phase.Youwillneverstoptoaskthemostimportantquestionofall.Unlessyouhavethis
question,theywillneveransweritforyoubecausetheyarenotaware,asyouarenotaware.
Theyhavealloftheirbrainladeninformationthatislikeastonetabletthatcanchangeandis
nevercorrected.Thatistheblasphemyofthewholepretenseofthatmatter.Whatyouneedto
knowishowisitthatyouhavebecomeveryaware.Youneedtoaskquestionsaboutthat.The
restarejustphysicalsymptomsthathavelittletodowiththemostimportantquestion.Istherea
useforthiscurse?Isthisacurseatall?

CHAPTER14
OverandOverandOver

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Pain:theactofreceivingpain,theactofinflictingpain,theactofwatchingtheinflictionofpain,
theactofwatchingsomeonewatchingtheinflictionofpainwatchingapersonwatchingaperson
watchingapersoninflictingpain;whogetsoffmore?Thepersongettingthepainorthelastman
watchingfarthestseparatedfromtheactualbusinessoftheact.Isayitisnone.Theweapon
usedtodotheinflictingtakesalltheactualpleasure.Nothinglesscouldhavesuchinnocenceto
theentireactitself.

CHAPTER15
HerDemise
Nowsheisgone.Iwascareful,Isuspect,thatIperformedajustactandIwashonestaboutthat
act.HellIwentsofarastopredictthatevenmentioningherinthisbookwouldguaranteeher
demise.Imeanwearenotinvolvedinanyextent.Ileftherwithoutthegift.Ikindofregretit.
Thereisalwaystime.ThatisonethingIhaveonmysidebesideslotsofpainmedsandcryingfits.
IhaveplentyoftimeandwiththeabilityIcanbasicallyplanmyattacksatmyownleisure.The
Demonessiscomingtodayandsheissomeonethathasthepotentialtoaffectthemindofthe
personactuallywritingthisbooksoIthinkthatthisissomethingthereaderofthisbookmust
decideforthemselves.ThenagainshemaybreaknowinTallahasseeandnevercomeatall.I
thinkbackatthevictims.IwonderaboutNorabecauseshedidnotknowherheadfromaholein
theground.IfItoldherIgaveittoher,shewouldsay.Ialwayshadthat.Shecouldnottakean
apology.Iimagineitisjustaswelltolethergoherownway.Maybeshedoesnotevennotice
theblisteronherlipafterabout7years.Imeansheneverevenaskedmeaboutthem.Atleast
thatIrecall.

CHAPTER16
Vibrations
Nostopsigns,ifthatwoulddoanygood.Theprogressionisaconstant.Thethumpinggrowling
louderalmostsurroundingtheTemplenowandAlexanderalmostinshocknotfromthepintor
twoofbloodhelostbutbecausetheofdarkness.TheTemplewasamerehutcomparedtothe
darknessandvibrationsdrawingtowardAlexander.Thechairsintheunitystoodfirm.Thenthe
whispersstarted,atfirstoneortwoconversations.Withinseconds,hundredsuponhundredsof
whisperingsoundscameupontheTemple.Alexanderlookedtowardthecenterofthevibrations
andthereshewas.Walkingasifonaspringmorningifyouexcludethedarknessallaround,the
plaindarkness,andthewhispers.Comeoutofyourshelterandspendawhilewithme
Alexander.shespokewiththetoneofathousandangels.Whoareyou?,Alexandersaid,
knowingallthetimewhatwashappeningandwhatwouldhappeneventhenextmoment.The
womanexplodedintoamillionpiecesandleftwasacreaturenosmallerthan45feet.Longarms
andglowingblackeyes.Therehaveneverbeensuchglowingblackeyes.Thecreaturerested
itselfupuponatreeinamannertogetafullperspectiveofthesituation.Thenitspokeinalow
grumblingharshvoice.WhotheFareyou?HAHAHHAHHAHH.Itlaughedforamoment.
Alexanderjustremainedcalmknowingbehindtheshelterofthechapelandtheunityofthe
chairshewouldremaininnoharmsway.Atthispointinhismindthoughthatseemedlikejust
thebiggest,bullSstoryhehadeverheard.

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CHAPTER17
BandStand
ThebandtimesarethetimesIrememberwhenIleastcaredaboutthedysfunction.The
alternativefeeloftheenvironmentinvitedsuchastrangeyetsecretivecreature.Ifeltinplace.I
playedwithCountBloodthirstyandIfiguredthatwasagoodstart.Oneofmybrothersplayed
bassandhewasrathergood.Healsowasintocrackandthataboutspellsthenameofthattune
doesitnot.Now,Herman,theleadguitaristandsinger,wasanolderguytryingtobeareborn,
alternativepersonbutjustslightlypasthisyearsIwouldguessfromthebagsunderhiseyes.All
thenightsstayingupworryinghowoutfitswillgoattheshow.Maybenot,maybehejustpartied
alot.Thedrummer,Dean,waslikealwaysFingsomeunknowngirlinacarbeforeandafterthe
gigsandIcansayhenevermissedabeat.Ilivedintheworldforawhile.Ialsoworkdoinglawn
care.Atthispointinmylifeitwasinnocentandclean.IhadbeenunaffectedandIwasfulloflife.
Readytoplayagigatthedropofahat.IranaBBSfromhomeandIwouldsayaboutsixmonths
intothisbandstunt,IthinkIstartedworkingatthehospitalandjoinedanewband.OnthisBBS
calledMatchmaker,ImetagirlcalledCarole663.MyopeninglinewasDoyourealizeyoure3
numbersfrombeingtheantiChrist.ShewasbasicallycaughtoffguardandIwasalittlealso.
Webecamefastfriendsandhadadatelaterthatweek.Iwalkedintotherestaurantandthere
shewas..Shewasjustacompleteangelfrommypointofview.Blondehair,blueeyes,about
510,andverywellendowedinthefront.Atthispointintime,Ihadnoideawhatwasaboutto
becomeofme.Itwasasifnothingcouldstopmefrommyfate.IreallythoughtIcouldmarrythis
woman.IfeverIthoughtshewastheone,itwaswiththisCarolewoman.

CHAPTER18
HerSource
Thecreatureseyeswerepearldark.ItglancedatAlexander,thestreamofbloodthatbroke
throughthechairsofunity,andthemanydeadcreaturesalongitspath.Thepathofbloodrested
attheghastlyfootofthecreatureofblackpearleyes.Alexandersuddenlystoodup.Youknow
Ioncelovedyoubutyounevertrustedme!Thecreaturesteppingbackandbreathinganinhale
tobeltoutYouneverlovedme,youusedmeandturnedmeintowhatIamnow.Yousayyou
loveme.Cometomenow.Comefromyoursafetyandcometoembracemeasyouoncedid.
YouoncecalledmeyourMistress.YoucalledyourselfmySlave!Thebeastcoiledbacktoits
feet,itsdark,pearleyeslookingtothestreamofblood.Reachingout,thecreaturetastesalittle
andsuddenlytransformsbackintothebeautifulmaiden.Alexanderslumpedbackonthefloor,
YouknowIloveyoudarling,Ilostmylifetomakeyouwhoyouare.IdoitbecauseIloveyou
andyouhatemeformygiftIhavegivenyou.Theangel,inherwhitenightgown,walkedlightly
uptothestreamandkneltdownandsippedtheblood.Atfirst,shejustdrankcautiously.The
drinkingthenturnedintoalustforitasifshecouldnotgetenough.Shelickedatthemuditwas
in.SlowermychildIamweak,exclaimedAlexanderknowinghecouldhandleher,hejustdidnt
wanthertogrowtofastjustyet.Thebloodflowedintoanewstreamdownthepath.Theangel
nowinecstasyfromdrinkingalltheliquidshecould,notmissingadropoftheredliquidyelling,

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IloveyouAlexander!Iloveyouassheranawayintothemisttowardsthewest.Forawhile
therewassilenceandAlexandersatbackdownandrested.Hiseyescoatedwiththeblood
pouringfromhisglands.Theantsbythestreambegintofrenzy.

CHAPTER19
ACurseatAll

Ifyougetovertheinitialsenseofnervousness,youhavetolearnthenervousnessisthe
beginningofthetransformation.Thistransformationisnotonethattakesaweekorperhapsa
monthofyourtime.Thistransgressiontakesoneslife.Youbecomeawareofthegifteventually.
Theearlierthebetter,Ihaveknownfewwhohavebeenasadeptorevenawareasmyself.
Therefore,ItookituponmyselftowritethisdocumentaryaboutwhatIthinkaboutthegiftand
therealityofthegift.Thegiftyouhaveisnottothrowyouawayfromyourdestiny.Itisnota
partofyourdestiny.Itisyourdestiny.Itisyourreasonnow.Isitnot?

CHAPTER20
WakeintheMorning
IwasfacingtheeastwhenIopenedmyeyes.Ialwaystriedtosleepontheleftsideofthebed.In
thissituation,thebedwasfacingthesouth.Idonotrememberifshewasevenstilltherewith
me.Imayhavebeenalone.Irememberthewhitesheetsinthebed.Thesunwasupmaybefor
15to25minutes.Idonotrememberwhatthingssmelledlike.Idorememberafewbumpson
mytongue.Iwenttothebathroomandlookedattheminthemirrorforthefirsttime.Ifelta
slightfever.Therestdoesnotreallymatter.

CHAPTER21
SteamyYellow
Theantsstartedtofightagain.Thecreaturesthatwerestillalivestartedtoattackforaspotat
thestream.Alexander,stillunconsciousandslumped,doesnotheartheslightthump,the
vibrationsagain.Thebloodstartedtodripinlightdropsnowfromhisface,downhislefthand,
andontothegroundjustasbefore.Thechairsofunitystoodfirmandthenextthumpstartled
evenAlexanderuptohisfeet.Thiswascomingfromthenorth.Thensheappearednotfaraway,
withredhairandwithalongreddressthatseemedtofloatonforever.Asoundandrhythmwith
manydifferenttechniquesusedtrumpetedupfromthegroovesbeneathherfeet.Shetooka
steptowardsthestreamandspitatit.Idontneedyourdeath.Icansustainmyselfnow.
Alexanderopenedhiseyesandstaredattheplaceinwhichshespit.Theanimalsandinsects
wheresurroundingitandmovingitawayfromthestream.Theywerethrowingthemselvesinto
ittodiluteitspowers.Youseemsoverysureofyourselfthistime,Alexandersaidwitha
challengeinhistonebutamuchlighteronethanhewantedittosound.WhatiswrongDear
Alexander?Areyoutiredofalltheattacks?Doyouwishtojustgiveupyourposition?Iwilltreat
youwell...HerdressbeginstoturntolargescalesassheapproachesasAlexandersheadis
turnedtothesouth.IwilltreatyoufairlikeyoutreatusallAlexander.Wecanruletogether!

248

Thenshesmashedthehut.Sheisnearlyfortyfeettallandishasbright,yellowskinthataslime
ofstenchrolesoff.Thebugsandanimalsrushineverydirection.TheTemplesnorthwallisnow
badlydamaged.Alexanderregainshisfeet.NowLindayouknowIcareforyouasIcareforall.I
knowyouwantthepoweralittlemoretaste.Thatwouldnotbefair.NowIdemandyoufixmy
TemplewallandyougetnoservicethisseasonorIwillbanishyouforever.Lindarantsandraves
andthreatenswithseveralcharges...andripstreesfromtheirrootsandtossestheminevery
direction.InaswishofherarmsshemaulstheTempleanddisappears.Allthatremainsisthe
odoroftheslimefromthetreeshehastossed.Theanimalsagaingotoaction.Theyfrantically
trytodilutetheslimefromheroffthetreethatisrunningacrossthestreamofbloodflowing
fromAlexandersveinsnow.HiseyesareclosedandasmallsquirrelenterstheTempleandthe
circlethatheisinandbeginstolickthebloodfromhishand.Soonseveralmoreanimalsmovein,
abirdandseveralreptilesallmoveinandbegintowipetheareaofanyclueoftheblood.By
nightfalltheareaisquietandcleanagainandAlexanderwasjustwakeningtodiscoverthis.

CHAPTER22
ThePerfectChapter
Thesweatthatletsyouknowstheworstisover.Youcanexpectallotinyourlie.Toexpectthe
wetnesstomakeyoufeelprotectedfromthemonsterside.Thelossyoufeel.Thelossyoufeel
fromthatmonster
sidethatmakesyourunandhide.Itstopsyoufromyourpath,ifyouletit,anddestroysyouif
youdonot.Themastersideiswhattheyreallywanttotalkaboutanyway.Itisathingtotalk
about,fromNew
York,LondonandParis.Youtalkaboutitinthesecretplaceswithyourclosefriends.Youfind
thatwhenyoutalkaboutityouperpetuateitintothecreaturesthatyourunfrom.Youmusttalk
about.Youmust
talkabout.Talkabout.Talkabout.Doyoureallythink?Doyoureallythink?Talkabout.Talk
about.Wecompressthecreaturestogrowandtofightagainsteachotherbecausetheyknow
theycanneverbesatisfied
justaswewillalllearn.Itis22.Wecryandsleepinourtearsandwakeinthesweetsweatand
knowthatiswhatitisallabout.22

CHAPTER23
YoureNotEvenClose
IhaveheardacryinthenightthatsoundsincreasinglylikeWhydontyoucomeandsaveme?I
findthathardtobelieveconsideringIthinkIdojusttheoppositeofthat,atleastonmylatest
stint.Tothinkitwouldallend?Canthatevenbefun?Wouldthetalkstop.Wouldthecreatures
rest.Couldthedreamsstop?Itdoesnotmakesense.Iftheonehappenseverythingisfixed.
Whatshallhappentotheshame,guiltandhatethathascreatedthecreaturesthatrisefromthe
depthsofplacesunknown?Theyarecreaturestakenseriouslybecausetheyarethefinestreams
oftheinnerliningthatholdsthechaosatbayjustbarley,notbymuch.Sonowyousee,nooneis
savedfromthis,fartoomuchisinvestedintheexploit.Cantheownerofthestockeverjustsell
out?Alltheassetshemusthavebynow.Thepower,thelives,andthedreamshehasmadein

249

fairbusiness.Hedaresnotletitslipawaywithtalkofsuchathing.Hisbusinessisjustfine.
Businessisjustbooming.

CHAPTER24
OverHer
Letsmakesurewehavecoveredpainandallitplayshereinthisboomingbusinessthatcreates
greatwealthandconstructsentirenationsandcitiesandcontrolsthebeingsfrominsidetheir
ownsouls.Moreover,makesthemdothewilloftheculprit.Therearenoexcuses.Youhaveto
workthroughthepaintoperpetuatethegoodofthecreaturesthatcomeinthenight,hauntin
theday,andineverysocialsituation.Youknowthecreaturesarejustwaitingforthetalk.Just
waitingforsomeonetoacknowledgethepower,thathasthecontrolofallandmakesallinto
itselfintheend.Everyonedieswithit.Hastherebeenastudy?Imnotsure,maybeitis100
percentbythetimeyoudie.Idonotknow.Idonotwanttostartthetalkthathauntsatnight
thathauntsbyday.Icannotbetheonethatstartstheoldtalkthatdestroyedsomanyfora
reasonthatfewcouldevenimagine.Canitbeevenhappeningtothisplace?Couldthisbemy
destinytounravelthismysteryordestroythebeastitself?Toreleasetheangerandthehatred
thathasvestedinsidetheonesthatareinnocentinthesituation.Thebeaststhemselvescreated
thisidea.IGuess.

CHAPTER25
HoldonforDearLife
IraisedthechildreninTampa.ThechildrenrunfreeinTampa,fromtheparentsoftheevilthat
cametogetherthroughsomekindofominouscontraction,acompositionthatnomanorbeast
couldeverimagine,onlyabeingofexceptionalwisdomandanger,withsomekindoflethal
vengeance.Thisvengeancerotshimawayslowlyturninghislogicintopanicandparanoid
reflectionsofbeings.Threatsneverleaveyoualone.Youjustcannotgetthemtogo.Theyarenot
abletogo.Youarenotapartofthemthatiswhytheyneverleave.Whenyouaregone,they
remain.Beforeyouwerehere,theywerehere.Soonecannotsaytheyhauntbecausetheyhave
alwaysbeenhere.Maybetheyshowthemselvesmoreatsometimesthanothers.Wedevelop
thesefeelingthroughoutlife.Thesecreaturesarewithsomepeoplemorethanothers.The
personscharismamusthavesomethingtodowithit.Maybeitisjustthewaythelightplays
tricksonyourlife.Likethewaycertainpeopledo.

CHAPTER26
AgainsttheWinter
Againitisnearnightfallandthesunisfastapproachingbeingoutofsite.Alexanderistiredand
wornasheseemstousuallybe.Likeamanwornandfadedthatdoesnotreallybelongbutmight
aswellblendinanyway.Hethinksofthetimewithhisfriendsandtherewasatruehonesty,
althoughatthattime,therewasnowayofknowingwhatitwouldbelikewithoutthattruth.The

250

truth,takenandnowtheholeisapparent.Theholeisagapethesizeoffortyfouruniverses
now.Thetruthwasgoneandsowastheinnocence.Thenotknowing,thenotknowingsaysitall.
Itcarriesyouacrossthestreamsinlife.Thenotknowingsavesyoumuchworry.Thenotknowing
savesyoufromknowing.Inasocietythatencouragesyougoingoutandfindingoutthingsfor
yourselfandexperimentingandcreatingyourownempireofhell.ThatishowitallstartedbutI
wouldnotwanttoadmitthatthisfarintothewar.Thetruthrevealedsothatonemayreach
anothersummit.Painisnotalwaysasignoffailure.Painisnotalwaysasignofweakness.How
muchareyouwillingtosufferforwhatyouwakeupforeveryday.Thesunwasfargoneand
AlexanderagainfindshimselfintheprotectionofhiscircleinsidetheTemple.Thedamagefrom
thenightbefore,repairedbysomething,butAlexanderwasnotquitesurehowthatwas
performed.Hisinstinctshavetiredthroughtheyears,theyearsofpain,theyearsofcrying,
stayingupat2am,thespiritstalkalittleslower.Thedemonswalkalittlequieter.Theshadows
glistenedoffthefirethathehadstartedinthecenterofthesquareinsidetheTemple.Thecooler
breezesareasignofthewintersoontocomeormaybeinseveralweeks.Itisneverterriblybad.
Infact,itsokayconsideringitistheonetimeoftheyearinsectstakearest.Therearetimesthe
bonesareevenaloneouthereinthecypress.Themanydifferentclimatesillustratedinafew
hundredyards,therarelyfoundsprings,servedashomestomanyunknowns.Alexander
remindedofthespringtotheeast.Hevisitedthereasasmallchildandnowhelikedthe
reflectionsleftthere.Likeanoldcemeteryyouvisitedasachildandyoufeltyouleftyourself
thereandsomethingcamewithyou.Thepictureswerealiveinhismindandhehasseenthe
visionsinhismind.Theymeantsomuchyearsearlier.Nowthewinterwasclosing.

CHAPTER27
Linda
HerappearancefromthenorthwasjustatasteofwhatwastocomeandshenewAlexanderhad
runhiscourse.Hewasaboutfinishedwithhisreign.Shehadthepowerandshehadthewillto
doit.HerprevioustieswithAlexanderarewhatwillalwayskeepherfromdoingherfinaljob.
Justasachildcannotseethecookiejarjustoutofreach,Lindaisacharactertoenhanceanother
.Shewillneverbecomegreatasshethinks.Shewillneverreignwiththemightyandeatatthe
tablesofthegreat.Shefocuses,asherdestiny,alreadytold,andalreadymadeawareto
Alexander.Hiskindness,Alexanderscompassionforthelifehehadknownwithhislovefromthe
north,keepshimfromtakingheroutofhermisery.Soneithercanhelpeachothersmisery.
Therefore,theyexistinmiseryforthelifeofeachother.Thepaintheyliveinisselfreliant.Each
isalwaysawareoftheothers.Thehurtisalwaysapparentbyeitherpartyandacryisalwayson
thelipsoftheloverslips.Eachfullofbrokenthoughtstheycannotrepair.Therefore,Linda
remainsinherpassiontodestroywhatsherelieson.Alexanderknowsherfate;livesbecausehe
knowsherlove,tastedheronce,andcouldneverharmoneofhisownevenifshedidnotknow
it.

CHAPTER28
FastFriends

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ThereareafewthatIinfected,Inevertold.Maybetheywillreadthisbookandknowwhothey
arewithoutsayinganynames.Ididadmitittoafewpeople.OneIhaveneverheardfromagain.
Hedrankoutofmycoke,theverytypicalmistakethathasnowhappenedtometwice.They
wereverystrongevents.TheclimaxgreaterthananyIhaveeverencountered.Thesecondof
recognition,yousuddenlyarejustleftstandinginaworldtorncoldwithitswindsandtorments.
Youarethereinthespotlight.Thewholeuniversehasstoppedandiswatchingyouwatchwhat
hashappened.Knowingmaybeyourlifeisonthelineifthetruthtold.Andalsoknowingplans
arealreadybeingmadetoeludethesituationortogetoutofthesituationalltogetherlikemove
awaytoanothercityandstartalloverandmeetnewpeople.Inaddition,eventuallyitwillrepeat
itselfagain...thenperhapsagain.

CHAPTER29
TheSilentOne
Recentlyithasoccurredthatthereisasilentonewatchingme.Imnotsurethereason.Imnot
surewhatitlookslikejustyet.Iknowitmaynotbehumanform.Iamnotsureifitiswatching
meinacuriouswayorinajealousway.Likeitwasabovemeattimes.Attimes,apartmaycatch
myeye.OneithersideknowingitwantsmetolookawayfromwhatIamdoingsothatIcannot
finishthebookthatImusttell.Ithasbeengettingworse.Morethingsarestartingtomoveor
perhapsIamthinkingmorethingsaremoving.Ihavealwaysbeenopenminded.Icouldnot
understandwhysomebeingwouldnotwantthisstorytold.Itis,afterall,avirus.Itisavirusof
collectivereasoning.Doesitknowwhatitisdoing?Doesithavearepresentativeatthemother
nestofallnests.Whoisthemotherorfathernest?Whatisthenest?Whereisthatnest?

CHAPTER30
Mama
Itwasasunnyday.Iwasonmywayuptothemountainswithagirlfriend.Atthetime,shewas
anangelinherownway.Itwasnicetodriveallthewayupthere.Irememberfallingasleepin
theearlymorningaswewerejustpastAtlanta.Iawoke.Wewerepracticallypullinguptothe
frontdoorofthehouseandmymotherranintotheyardandkissedmeandwasgladtoseeus.
ThatiswhenIrealizedIwasactiveandhadjustinfectedmymother.Watchingherthenextday,
shehadahugesoreonherlip.Idiedthere.Alongtimeago,rightthere,onthatexactspot.That
wastheclimaxofmylifeallbottledupintothatoneevent.Lefttodie.Ijustdiedtherebecause
nowthiswassomethingthatwassorealanddevastatingthattokillmyselfwasnotonlyfittingit
wasthenaturalthingtodo.IwentintotimesthatnothingreallymatteredformanyyearsandI
spreadittopeopleastheycameandwentandIneverevengottheirnames.Iwasdead.Iwas
animate.Iwasjustenoughtobecalledalive.Iwasveryangryatthatdemonnow.Iknewthe
fightthatIwastolose.Iwastolosewithvalor.ThefightthatIwastofightwasjuststartingandI
wasalreadydead.Thatistheonlywaytofightit.Youhavetodietobeabletounderstandwhat

252

thedemonisthinking.Mostwantyoutohideyourselfawayandkeepawayfromeveryoneand
beafraidtogoouttoseepeopleandsocietyandmakeyouafraidtosayyeswhenyouwantto
sayyes.Theothersunderstandthewholesituationandactliketheycare;livethatwayeven
thoughtheyjustfakeitsotheysufferendlesslyandneedlesslyatthesametime.Thenthefinal
demonsdonotcareandjustletthewindblowthroughtheirhairasatemptress.Blood,claws,
andeyesascoldasthecoldesttouch.Thepainjustcrispandnottooharshbutenoughtomake
youfeelthetipofthepainsoyouareinconstantshockofthepain.Thetemptresswasthere
thatnight,inmygirlfriend.Perhaps,Ishouldcallhermycreator.Shewasawareofwhatshewas
doing.Shedidnotwanttobetheonlyone,whichisthewholeironythatnoonewantstobethe
onlyone.Theyhavetospreaditforthesamereasonpeoplerunforoffice.Power.Nopoweryou
say.Youareunbelievable.

CHAPTER31
ShadowsOutside
ForAlexanderitwasjustabouttimetostartgettingreadyfortheattackofthenight.Hewas
usedtomostoftheattackandreadyforitwithhisTempleandhissquarehewouldagainbeable
toholdoffthepain.Onemorenighthewouldbeabletofendthemoff.Hewascertainforitwas
alwayssotheyjustneverhadenoughpull.Somethoughttheyhadenough.Theywerejustall
slowlyattackingindifferentwaystryingtoprodastofindsomeplacetoenterthesquare.The
fingerwouldprodforhoursandtheywouldallbetryingtheirtraps.Theycamethroughthe
shadows.Sometimesyouwouldthinkitisnotthatbad.Icanhandlethis.Itsliketheysaid,Iwill
beabletowin.Iwillconquerthiswar.Iwillgetmystrength,destroyit.Itwillneverfightmysoul
again,andIwillfinishthefightwithonefatalblow.ThisneverhappensandAlexanderfalls
asleepnearthefire.Itsstillearlyabout10PM.Thestarsareout.Allisquiet.

CHAPTER32
WeirdTimes
TherewasatimewhenIpartiedwithmyfriendsandweusedbongsandIdidntthinkIinfected
anyoneandeventhoughIstillwasinpainallthetimeinfactextremepainIfeltbetter.Ididnot
feellikeIwasout.RatherIfeltIwasstillin.Knowingthatiftheywouldkillme,kickmeoutorjust
neverseemeagain,whichisallthesamethingwhenyourworldsbushwhacked.Ilivedforyears
justwalkingonthepainandnotactinglikeitwasabigdealjustwaytooashamedtoadmititto
anyonefor6longyearsIkeptitinsideofme.Iwouldnotletanyoneknow.TheonethatknewI
madesureshewaswayoutofmymainstreamlife.Imadesureofthat.Shewastoodestructive.
DisruptiveiswhatIfeellikeIamnowIamveryangrynotforanyreasonjustbecausethat
happenstobeanemotion.Iwantedtobegood.Thatallgone.Iwantedtobegood.Iwantedto
begood.Thatjustcanneverhappenformenowinmymindwiththisorganismlivinginsideof
me.Itmakesmeangry.Itmakesmedeadly.Itmakesmehyperactive.Itmakesmewhole.It
makesmegoallthewaytotheendandwanttofalloffandbegtofallofffromitsgrasp,butit
willalwaysfollow.

CHAPTER33

253

YoureGone
ThenIwokeupanditwasallover.Icouldnotthink.Icouldthinkfartooclearly.Ididnotneeda
cigarette.Icouldnoteventhinkaboutworldlythings.Iwasnauseouslikemybodyfinallyjust
threwoutallthepoison.IranaroundmyapartmentandscreamedforGodtostopthistorture.I
lookedforsomekindofhelpwiththisratherscary,evenonmystandards,stateofmindIfound
myselfin.IbegantowonderaboutthatshadowIthoughtIwasseeing.AsagirlnamedLinda,she
dancesonthelandjustthroughtheriveroverthesand.Whenshecriesshereallyshowsyouall
shecan.IwishtoleavethischapterasitisbecausewiththestatementsIhavesaidtheymake
enoughofanimpressiontogiveaglimpseofwhatIwasthinkingorgoingthrough.Atleastasfar
asthetimeIknowIwasawakeandcouldjudgewhatwasgoingon.IcouldsayIdidnothaveany
spiritualawakeningjustsomekindofawakening.Thesecondpartofcourseisthepartthat
perhapsthrewmeintotheconfusion.Thatwasthenightmares.

CHAPTER34
TheEnd
Forthemostpartofthisinformativenotepiece,theendingishereinthischapter.MaybeIm
neversatisfied.MaybeIneverwillbe.Itendtothinkthatthechapter34isafinechaptertoend
astoryofsuchsadoutcomesandsadturmoils;thepeopleinvolved,thepeoplestillliving,and
thehellIhavespokenabout.Theywillneverhavethisonechapter.Theendingchapter,forthat
itisonecontinuousbook;manychapters,someshort,somelong.Likewhenaswandiesonthe
lake,seldomnoticed.Yet,castsgreatreflectionsuponthewater.Thestoryfromhereonoutjust
dealswiththerealitythateveryonemustface.MaybetherewassometypeofprofitIwouldbe
abletoenjoyfromsuchataleofhorror.IwouldfeelrathermoreguilefulunlessIcouldsomehow
helpthoseIhavehurt.Ialwayshavetohopethisyearwillbebetterthanthelast.Iknowthatis
onethingthatcanhelpmefinishthisfinalchaptersothatIcanfinishthisbookfullofmany
oystersandmaybeafewpearls.Yousometimeshavetogetverysickbeforeyoufeelbetter.You
sometimeshavetodieafewtimesbeforeyoulearn.Tosaytheendofthisbookwillevercomeis
reallyjustanillusionmadeupinthemindofsomeonewhojuststopsreading.Thatiswhenthe
endreallycomes,whenonestops.Theendcannevercomenow.Notforme.TodayImayfeel
wasgreatbuttomorrowthesadnesswillreturn.TosayImjustdepressedishardlyacommentI
canreallyhearwithoutlaughingtomyself.Depressionissomethingthatoneeventuallycan
escapewitheithermedicationorwiththerapy.Iseeneitherhasworked.Thesimplefactremains
thatIwillhavethisinflictionandthecapabilitytoinfectuntilIbreathemylastbreathandthatis
ifIamlucky.Iseenoreasonthatifwecontinueonsowouldotherlivingcreatures.Avirus
thoughsmallisliving.Whatmakesussocertainthatitdoesnot?Humansalwaystendtodefault
tothehappysideofthings.Wewouldliketothinkindeatheverythingisbetter.Inthesame
respectitmaybeoverwhenitisover.Theendisjustthattheend.

CHAPTER35
Chaos
AslightwindrushesthroughtheoldhutwhereAlexanderlays.Hiseyesareopenandfocusedon
thefullmoon.AlthoughnotsurewhatthedayisheiscertainitsnotChristmas.Thewindsbegin

254

topickupagain.Hegraspsclosetothejackethehaslyingonthefloor.Hemakeshiswayinto
thecirclenow.Foritistimeandthistime,heknewitwastime.Heslowlylightsthecandlesall
aroundthecircle.Thenhesitsquietlyinsideandthinksaboutthetimewhenasaladhewould
chasethegirlsafterSundayschool.Alexanderthoughtoneveryfancybutheknewhecouldnot
haveofher.HelaughedtohimselfperhapsthatswhyIwenttochurch.Smallbeadsofsweat
begintodripdownhisfacenowasthebeadsofsweatofmanwalkingtotheelectricchair
knowingthatwithinafewmomentssomethingwillbeover.Thegirlsheknewfromwayback
beforethewholebusinessofbeingcarefulstartedwhenhewasjustworriedifhewasgood
lookingenoughorifhejustfitin.
Thereweresofewdetailsandsofewthingstoconsider.Lifehasbecomesocomplex.Itmay
happentoeveryoneinoneformoranother.IstillsaymostofwhatIhaveexperiencedisjust
unbelievable.MostthatIhavetoldthisstorytosaythat.SomaybeIamjustabitparanoid.
MaybeIjustthoughtrealhardandmadeallofthisup.Iwouldthinkitwouldtakemuchmore
credittojustblurtoutwhatevercomestomymindwhenmyfingersarerunningacrossthekeys.
BecausethewaythingshavehappenedtomeifIhavesomekindofscale,awaytogoabout
something,WellIwouldhavegotthatscalebynow,nosuchluck.
Alexandersheadstartedtoburnnow.Thesweatpouredoutofeverybead.Hejustclosedhis
eyeslikealltheothertimes.Theinsectsandwormsandcreaturesoftheforestcamefromevery
placeandstartedtogatherattheflowtrailliketheydidthenightbefore.Alexandercouldonly
feelthepaininhisneckandthroat.Histonguehadswollenhismouthshutsothatitlookedlike
hehadsomesortoflockjaw.Therewasnopainwherethebloodwascomingfrom.He
consideredthenotionasherestedhiselbowonthegroundinthecircleinalayposition.Hewas
showingtheothershistormentedtimesservingthemhasbeatenhimintonotwantingthejob
anymore.Hewantedtoshowthemiftheywantedtotakeovertheoldhuthewouldjustassoon
gobackintothebigcityandblendinsotherewouldbemorevictims.Itseemsthereareusually
victimsinthisworldofdirt.TheoneIwasfirstwithcouldhavehaditall.IfIhadstayedwiththe
firstoneIwouldhavebeenabletokeepmyself.Iwouldhavefoundmywaytoremain.The
screamsfromalldirectionscomenow.Thebloodstreamflowedtobealmostanastonishing
trickle,thebloodthatpulledeveryonedowninit.Theanimalsmaybedidnotevenknowwhy
theydidwhattheydid.WhatdoesitmatternowAlexanderlaughedtohimself.Iguessthejokes
onthem.Softly,faraway,totalchaoscouldbeheard.Theunloved,theunsavedonesthathad
becomevictimsbutneverwerelovedortold.Theywentaroundinterrorwithnoonetotalk
aboutitwith.Theywentaroundtheirwholelives.Thentheyjustsayithasbeenjustafaded
memory.Thepooroneswhospreadittountoldmillionsbyaccidentbypureaccidentmillions
uponmillionsoflivesweretaken.Therorrestandsurroundingareabecamearedwhirlwindand
Alexandercouldjustliethereasthefoundationsofthechurchwhererockandthecircleof
protectionwasbroken.Thecreaturesranaroundmadlytryingtosavethepreciousliquidasthey
haddonesolongbefore.EventheyhadnotnoticedAlexanderslept.Hislimpbodycrouchedin
thesand.Thewindscontinuedtoravage.Thenassoonasitstarteditwasover.Thechurchwas
inshamblesandthechairsofprotectionthathadnotfailedinthewarandthebattlewere
thrownabout,broken,andinpieces.Thewindclearedtheareaofthestenchoftheredmistthat
hadnowallbutdisappeared.Alexandershandwasthefirstsignthatmaybenotallwaslost.

255

Throughoutthenight,hisbodylaylimpbutonceeverysooftenacertainareawouldtwitch
showinglife.Showingahintoflife,thatmaybelifewasnotgonefromthebodytotallyyet.There
washopethathewasalive,tosufferagain,tobattlethewaroncemoreinthelands.Hecould
visitsomeoftheplacesheneverhad.Therewasachancehewasalive.Alexandersfeetstarted
toshuffle.Thecreaturesallaroundcreatedashieldbetweenhimandtheoutside.Thebirds
wereswarmingandyellingattheworld.Antswerestillbusycleansingthestreamofthe
preciousfluid.Desperatelytheytookeachgrainofdirtanddebrisoutofthestream.Thedizzying
pacesoftheantshourafterhourtheyneverstoppedorquestionedtheirmission.Asthesun
begantosethighintotheskyandslowlycrawltowardsthelimpbody,theantsbegantoscurry
fasterandthesunsneverendingpace.Slowlyandslowlythebeamofradiationreachedtowards
him.Alexanderleapedfromwherehehadlainwithstealthandquicknessandranoffintothe
swamp,awayfromtheantsandthechurchandthechairsthatlayinruin.Alexanderrantothe
south.Thatiswherehehadtogo.Theredpoisonthatlefthimlimpwassomekindofnewtactic.
Alexanderwasnotsurewhousedit,buthewasafraid,forthefirsttime.Hewasgettingoldand
holdingthepowerwastakingitstoll.Tothesouth,deeperintotheswamp,heranforhoursthat
seemedlikelifetimes.Alexanderknewtheendwasveryclosenow.Heknewhisonlychancewas
togettohislastsaferefuge.Theoneplaceheknewandwaswarnednevertogo,thenest.By
sunset,hewasclosenow;hecouldfeelthetinglinginhismouthnowfromtheradiationfromthe
sunandfromrunningalldaylong.Thepoisononhistonguewasstartingtomelttheskinaround
isoutermouth,aroundthecornersofhislips.Hecouldfeelitthroughouthimnow.Ashegrew
closertothenest,hecouldfeelthathisentirebodyinfestedwiththefeelingofthetingling.The
sunwasgonewithjustabitofdayremaining.Alexandersbreathingbecameheavierandhis
mindwasracingnowrunningfastertowardsthedarknessahead.Therewasadarkpatchof
woodsahead.Justbeforethewoodswasastreamofsomelength.Alexandercametothe
stream,jumpedin,andcrossed.Nowhisfleshbegantoitchandhecouldnotseeverywellbut
thetreeshelpedhimalongintothedarkness.Hecouldfeelthecobwebsandseethehorror.The
bodiesofamillionstrewedacrossahugenest.Theopeningatwhereheisstandingisjusta
smallopeningalonganeverendingcircleofwebbing.Someofthebodiesweretwitching.Some
hadhugesoresontheireyesandtheirmouthsandsomewerejusthugesoreslyinginthenest.
Heknewnothingbuttokeeprunningintothenesttowardsthecenter.Thebodiesthathewas
runningoverwereyellingathim,....Forheistoblame.Theonesinthenestarehereforheisto
blame.ThechantgrewlouderandlouderasAlexanderrantowardsthecenter.
Hisskinwastearingandhismouthwasnowjustafoamingsoreofpussandthrobbingpain
beyondthemindsofmen.Runningfaster.ThepeoplehehadinfectedbegantowardsAlexander
now.Alexandercouldclearlyseethecenternow,notmorethan100yardsaway.Hehadtoreach
it.Thebodieswereclosingin,millionsofthem.Alexanderthought,Howcouldthathaveever
happened?Couldithavebeenthetrickledownthroughthecenturies?Ithadfinallycaughtup
withhim.Alltheseinpainandmiseryarenowheretogettheirrewardandgettheirjustanswers
forwhytheyhadtogothroughthehelltheydid.Whathumancanchoosethispainonanyone?
ThispowerismorethanGodlike.Nowheknewthetruthaboutwhathiswholelifewasallabout
andthroughallthepainandmiserythefinalrewardwasjustmoreandmoreofthesame.His
runhadslowedforhecouldseethecenternow;aboilingcavityofpoison,theverybeginningof

256

thepain,thesourceofthepain,thepainofthemillionsoverthecenturies.Alexanderjustknelt
atthesidelookingintothefrothingbrewthatcoulddestroyaworldwithoutasoundand
withoutfiringabullet.Alexanderfeltthemillionssurroundinghim,watchinghiseverymove.
Thechantwasjustaconstantsteadyhissnow.Histonguewasspewingpuss.Thepeopleall
aroundeachwiththeirowninfliction,areminderofhowtheygotitandhowithadspread.
Alexanderstoodandranfurtherintothenestleavingthemillionatthespewinghole.Frantically,
hesearched.Asheran,hesearchedforanopeningorsomekindofhiddendoor.Alexanderran
forwhatseemeddays.Hebecamewearyandslowlylaydownandwenttosleep.Alexander
awokeandfoundhimselfinadarkenedroom.Hewassittinginachairnotconstrainedinany
way.Thedoorinfrontofhimopenedandthemostbeautifulwomanwalkedinandbroughta
cupofointmentwithher.ShewalkedtoAlexanderandlookedintohiseyeswithherdeepblue
neverendingeyes.SheplacedasmallglazeoftheointmentonAlexanderstongueandthepuss
driedup,theswellingwentdown,andheappearedcured.SuddenlyAlexanderrushedand
grabbedtheointmentandshovedthewomandownrunningasfastashecouldtowardstheexit
wherehehadcomein.Alexanderhadnotfeltthisgoodinyearshecouldthinkclearlyagainand
heactuallycouldfeel.Heracedbacktothecavity.Bynow,thewomanhadtransformedintoa
giantbeing.Alexanderfrozeinhisstepswhenherealizedtheshadowhadactuallycaughtupto
him.Acreaturethatwasoncethebeautifulmaidenwasa70footbeastfromthedepthsofhell
itself.Itstoodwithclawsasarmsandtherewereweltsandboilsoneverylimb,intheeyeswere
sores,thenosewasjustablisterdrippingwithpuss.Itletoutashriekthatfrozethemillions
surroundingthecavity.Itschildrenwereatattention.Alexandermadehiswaytowardsthecavity
slowly.Thejarofointmentheldinhishand,shakingnowuncontrollably.

CHAPTER36
WhyLive?
Iremembersittinginmylivingroom.Ihadagreenplasticbowl.Ihadcarefullytakenapartafew
razorsandasifwithsarcasmIcleanedthemoff.Itestedtheirsharpnessonapieceoftelephone
bookpaper.ThefistsliceIcouldtasteinmymouthforsomereason.Thebloodfromthatwound
justflowedinperfectharmonywiththelawsofgravity.Ithoughtcarefullyaboutthenextslice
beforeIwasawarehowfullthebowlwasreallygetting.Afterthefourteenthcutthephonerang
anditwasmymother.ShewasjustcallingtoseehowIwasdoing.ItriedtosayImdoingfine.
ThenIstartedtocryandadmittedtoherwhatIwasdoing.ThenextthingIknowIwasinthe
hospitalinfivepointrestraintsinabed.TheytoldmelaterIhadsleptfor3days.Iwokeup
feelingveryhungry.IateabigbreakfastandthenIwassenttoseemyDoctor.Theflightdeck
iswhatafriendcalleditwhomImetinthere.Afterawhile,thatwasaveryfunnyphrase.It
remindedmeofthepast,remindedmeofthehappytimes.IdonotthinkItrulylaughedin8
years,andthatphrasedidit.

257

IcanrememberthenightIsawCarolewalkintothatlittlerestaurant.Itwascold.Ihadonablack
jacket,notleather.ShewasthemostbeautifulwomanatthetimeIhadeverseen.Shewasthe
mostbeautifulcreatureIhaveeverseen.ThelongkissbeforeshefollowedmetomyapartmentI
rememberasifitwasthismorning.IslowlyunderstoodthatIlovedthiscreatureandIthinkI
wouldhaveletherturnmeanyway.Ithinknowafterallthistime.IcanadmitIknewshehad
it,Itrustedher,shekissedmeveryhard,brokemytrust,andIleft.Thatishowitwas.Carole
thenbecameevilinherwordsaftersheknewshehaddealtthefatalblow.YounewIhadit.,
shesaidminutesafterIsawthebumpsonmytongue.ThishastobethereasonIhelditinforso
long.Ittookme8yearstobeabletoadmitIwasasmuchresponsibleformyinflictionasCarole
was.CaroledidtrytogiveittomewiththeveryhardFrenchkiss.Ididallowhertokissme.This
isfact.Itcomesdowntothis,IwasinlovewithhersomuchandItrustedherblindly.My
punishmentisproperpayment,ifthereissuchascale.IlovedCarole.Ihadtotrusther.Maybe
thetruthisIwantedtoseeifshecouldgiveittomeorIfeltinvincibleasifnothingcouldhurt
me,evenaveryhardFrenchkiss.SoIcreatedtheentirethingmyself.Ibeggedforit.Icanforgive
CarolebecauseIbeggedforit.Ibeggedforagiftthatwouldmakemeunique.Ihadnoideaat
thetimeofthereality.Neverthirstforpower.Couldthisbefinally,atthislatetime,theruleto
learnfromallofthis?HaveIstrippedallthelayersdowntothequick,justtheorganicflesh
revealed?Ionlyfeartoomuchthatitisjustaleaf,hangingonthefarthestendofthelongest
leafiestbranchoftheentiretree.Thepainisjustaleaf,themiseryanotherleafonthebranch
whichattachestothetallestsectionofanenormousredwood.Thisredwoodisinanentire
forestofredwoodsnotanymorespecificthantheothers.Toconsidertherootsdeep
undergroundthatmayneverbeseeninalifetimeorathousandlifetimes.Thismayjustbe
anotherformoftrapthatwearecapableoffallingintoifoneisntcarefulinthislifeof
uncertainty.

CHAPTER37
Footnotes
HernamewasMichelleandshewasAsian.IinfectedherinwhatIcallthekillingtimes.I
infectedafewwomeninonestraightprocession.Sometimeafterthatshecalledmetosayher
Mothersestrangedhusbandhadjustshothimselfwitha22caliberwhateverinherfrontlawn.
ShelivedmaybeamilefrommebutIfreaked.ImnotsurewhyIsaidwhatIsaid.Itoldhertocall
911.SheaskedmetohelpherorprotectherbutIcouldonlyaskquestionslike,Ishemoving?.
IdonothonestlyrememberwhetheritwasbeforeorafterIinfectedher.Ibetitwasafter
though.Michellewastheonewhocalledmeinthehospital,tomysurprise.Itwouldmakeme
feelgoodwhentheypagedmeovertheintercom.Irememberthefirsttimeithappened.Iwas
inshockbecauseshewascallingwithherfriend.Nowthisisastorynotevenrelatedtothe
death.AbouttwoyearsearlierImetagirl,cuttingtothechase,inanovel,shewaslargerthan
lifeandaboatfullofpeoplesawusdoingitandIwassoembarrassed,thatwasthetotal.Names
donotmeanasmuchastheevents.LewiswasatAlswhowasalreadyinfectedwiththesmoking
ofajointonedayafterwork.Thatshouldmakeperfectsensebynow.Lewisaftergettingit,
givingittoLydia,mybossatwork,andhiswife,becausehewasntmarriedtoher,andhewas
backtoCubaifshefoundouthehadit,andshedidnt,plottedwithAl.Thenextdayorsotwo

258

secretServiceagentsshowedupandsaidAlsaidIsaidIwantedtokillPresidentBillClinton.After
Ipulledmyheart,mind,andtonguefromdowninmyshoestheysaidtheyneededtospeakwith
meupstairs.IdidnotdothatsoitwasnottohardtosayAlwasadrunkandhewasjustmad
becauseItoldhimIquitpotandIwashisconnection.Theyshowedupabouteverythreedays
andmadeeyecontact.Iquitthejob.Theplothadworkedwithextremeefficiency.So,ifyouever
wanttoscrewyourfriendsthatinfectyou,looknofurtherforarevengetactic.Whenthiswas
happeningIwasveryscaredandalone,butIkeptthesecretstill.Irememberabout3months
earlierthatyear,awoman,fromacovenIoncebelongedtoinClearwater,wasgunneddownby
herjealousboyfriendjustdownthestreetfromwhereIlived.Ialsometagirlatthelaundrymat
ofallplacesandIswearIwasnottrying.ShewasverykinkyandIlikedher,soIdidnotinfect
her.Sheinfectedme!Shegavemelikesomeminorbladderinfection.Gosh,whatanicechangeI
thought.Inrealityithurtbutonlylastedmaybeaweek.IthinkthereasonIdidnotinfectheris
thatshewasthedaughterofDebra.Debrawasafriendofmine,throughLewisandLydiaandher
exhusbandHoward.IwasafraidbecauseIdidnotwanttoinfringeanyfurther.Iwastryingto
regainsomecontrolafterthekillingtimes.Ipulleditoff.Tammycamealongwaybeforethings
startedtofallapart.IjustgotoverCaroleandImetherontheonlineserviceImentionedearlier.
Iforonewastotallyhonestwithher.Ididnotmentionallmybaddeedsonlythingsthatgotpity.
Shelovedmelikenoother.Shehelpedineverywayshecould.Ihatedherforit.Ididnotinfect
her,laterfoundoutshegotcancerorsomething.ThiswasrightasIwasmovingaftertheSSvisit.
Everybodyislookingforsomething,forwhatismostofourproblem.Mostoftherelationships,
summedupinoneortwosentences.WhenIwasyoung,cemeteries,duetotheirunknown
nature,alwaysinspiredme.Theyarealwaysquiet.InLargo,myfatherwastheMinisterofa
Churchandtherewasanewandoldcemeterythere.Somesaidthechapelwashaunted.On
Sundayyoucouldgointhereatmidnightandhearthepeoplefromtheoldcemeterysinging.I
wasratheryoungandIbelievedonlybecauseI,sureashell,couldnotstayupthatlate.Ididfind
whatIbelievedtobeahumanskullfragmentintheCemeteryLake.Ikeptitforawhile.Never
toldanyoneandnevertriedtofigureitsauthenticity.IdontthinkIwantedtoknow.InsideIwas
certain.WhenthefamilymovedtoNaples,Florida,theinterestintheunknownwasverystrong.I
wentthroughastagewhereIwantedtodiejusttoseewhatitwaslike.Iwasnttheslightest
depressed,justcurious.Isecretlypurchasedablackmagicbookandhiditinthetrunkinmy
room.Asthedaysandweekswenton,IstudieditandlearnedallIcould.IthinkIwas13whenI
firstmadeapactwiththeDevilusingtheinstructionsinthebook.Ithadtobeinbloodwhichis
aboutallIremember.Ilostthepactandnowvaguelyrememberwhatitcontained.Iwasjust
curious.Sittingforhourslisteningtospookyrecords.Iwantedtobeacreature.Iwantedto
hauntahauntedhouse.Ibeggedtobeacreature.Inretrospect,Ithink.IgotwhatIaskedfor.
Whocouldproveit?Thatiswhatmakesitmoreamystery.Youcouldhaveagoodcaseforeither
side.Asahumanbeing,Ifindithardtorelatesuchdistantcircumstances,thepact,having
anythingtodowiththeCaroleincident.Thatofcourseisnotalwaysthehappytruth.Maybe
whatIwanttobelieveisntreallywhatIknowtobe.CouldIhavetouchedsomeGodlynervethat
hasseveredanychancesofreconciliation?Haveothersgonethroughthisoristhisjusta
continuouspunishmentofreincarnationthateventuallyoneoftheselivesIwilllearnthelesson?
Isthiswholesituationgreaterthanthesumofonelife,somesortofcursethathasbeen

259

bestoweduponmethroughunseeneyes?Theconcernnowissoelusive.Lifeitselfhasjust
becomeanoverwhelmingsludgeofmixedemotionsmostlyhateanddespair.Iamnowactually
notasdepressedasIoncewas.Iaminagoodperiod,thatistosay,Iamabletoatleastwrite.
ThemanynightsIstayedupwantingtowritebutbeingunabletodomuchmorethansitand
stareintotheeyesofsomeinvisiblemirrorofmemories.Muchofthisisattributedtothe
morphine.Themorphineseemstotakeawaythememoriesattimesandenablemetoactually
sitforperiodsoftimesandtryandexplainthishorrorstorytoendallhorrorstories.Thehorror
storythatisnotonlytruebutverywellandalive.

CHAPTER38
Nightmares
WhenIwasabout15,Ihadtheaudacitytogetajobworkingnightshiftatamorgue.Thefirst
nightwasabitscarybutinreality,theyarequietplaces.Onenighttheybroughtinahomicide
about15carsandabout40cops,donuts,cigarettes,andall.UsuallyIthinktheydothisbecause
thebodywasnotidentifiedandmaybethecrookthatkilledthepersonmaytrytostealit.Iguess
thereissomelogictoit.Ijustknowit.Anyway,itwasmyfirstautopsy,Ididmanyembalming,
theblackbagwasopenedandthestenchwas,well,Ilearnedtobreathethroughmymouthvery
fast.Itlookedlikeanearly30tomid40sfemaletheyfoundinalake.Shehadpainterspantson.
HerheadwasbloatedandeverypurpleandredshadethatonlyGodcouldcreate.Thebody
ravaged.Theyaskmetoleave.Ididnothaveanyproblemwiththat.Shehasbecomeoneofmy
nightmares.IdreamIaminacloset.WhenIopenthedoorfinally,sheisstandingtherelikea
dolljustsomehowpushingupagainstme.Hardershepushesuntilshestartstocomeaparton
meandshetriestowalkthroughme.IwonderifIshouldhavenotseenherthatday.Iwastoo
young.IthinksomehowIdidnotshowherrespectorshewasjustembarrassed,ifthatcouldbe
possible.TheGermanwarhouse,thedreamthatIhadwhenIwassick.Idonotknowwhatit
means,asfarastruthfulness.Maybeitwasjusttheresultofhavingtheflu.Thistookplaceon
severaloccasionsoveraperiod.Thedeadsoldierslinedthefloor.Iwasfacingeastforsure.
Therewasnotanyfighting.Justasensethattheremightbe.Iwaskneedeepindeadsoldiers,
GermanIthink.Standingguardandwaitingforanexpectedattack.Aloneanditseemedforever
thefeelingoftryingtopacebackandforththroughthebodiesoftheSoldiers.Isawnofaces,just
uniforms,whichisoddinaway.ThedreamsthataretheworstaretheonesIhavevagueimages
andmemories.PeopleIhaveinfectedchasingme.Irememberneverbeingabletolookbackjust
knowingthereweremanyafterme,runningforathousandyears,inasingleeyemovement.The
neverendingplay.Theperfectpunishmentforsomeunpardonablesinthatisnotevenknown.
Thereasonfarabovetheunderstandingofhumans.Thegreatestmysteryoflifewasnoteven
answerable.Ifamysteryhasnoapplicableanswerthenitceasestobeamysteryandjutfallsinto
somefuzzygroundoftheunknown.

CHAPTER39
Death
Themillionsofdeformed,mutilated,androttingbodiesrosetotheQueenscalling.Atoncethey
pouncedonAlexanderashesatbythecavity,withtheointment,crying.TheTempleandthe

260

chairstunedtoashinaninstantandfadedintothefoliagesurroundingthearea.Thesitewasno
longervisibleasatempleandaringofchairsjustsomeashblendedinevenmorewitheachgust
ofthetropicalbreezecomingofftheGulfofMexico.TheTemplewasinruinsandashes.Thelast
resortandcomfortzonewasnowjustashandAlexanderlayinapoolofhisownbloodsmashed
almostflatinthelegsandarms.Hisnecksnapped,restedontherightsidetowardsthecavity
andtheQueenbeyond.Alexanderlaidtherefordaysinastateofdistortedanguish.Hiseyes
fillingwiththetearsthathadbuiltup.Theinsectswereworkingonhimnow.Unabletomovehe
couldjustacceptwhathisrashangerhadcaused.Hewasawarethiswasalwaysapossibility.The
cavityjustfeetawaynowyethecouldntmovehimselftodoanythingaboutit.Thefluid
churninglikeithadalways.Thequeenoccasionallyshowingherselftoensurenothinghad
happenedtoherbelovedAlexander.ThemillionsonceinawhilekickedAlexandertomakesure
theyhaddoneallthedamagetheycould.ThesweatAlexandercouldfeelrunningintohiseyes.
Thedaysjustpassedastheyhadbeforeyettheonepartofhimthatcouldstillfeelwashis
mouth.Thepainwasstillthere.Therestofhisbodylayinruinyethismouthwasintact.
Preservedinsomesortoftwistedscheme.Thememoriesofthegoodtimesspentwithhis
friendsonhisislandhideoutwereonlyjustthat.Herealizedhecouldnolongersavetheworld.
Thesadrealitywashecouldntevensavehimself.Theromantictimeshehadspentasachild
fishingwithhisbrothersandatimewhenthedayswerehappyandlifewaswortheverything
weredrawingfastenoughtoanend.Thepointofnoreturnwasuponhimandtherewasnohelp
forhimnow.Hehadcommittedthesinagainstthenestandthatwasnevertobetolerated.The
queenherself,hewassurenow,wasinnomorecontrolthananyoneelse.Shetoowasjusta
puppetcontrolledbythecavity.Theanswertowhatwashappeningthathadlongeludedhim
wasnocloserthaniteverwas.
Savingyourselfinsuchasituationisjustarelevantview.TheBiblesaysthemanwhotriesto
savehimselfwillsurelylosehimselfandthemanwholoseshimselfwillcertainlyfindhimself.I
thinkthisgoesfurtherandsuggestsweforgetsomeofwhatweashumansconsiderimportantto
thephysicalsideofourexistenceandfocusonwhatwethinkfromthephysicalpointofviewhas
nomeaningatall.It'salmostasifyoushouldjustlookatlifewiththecommontruthinmind.
Whatyouthinkisntimportantisprobablythemostimportantthingandwhatyoucherishis
probablynotthatimportantafterall.

CHAPTER40
DeathSquared
UpondyingtomyselfIhadtoreallydietofindoutIamnowexactlywhereIwas7yearsago.
Nowithasspreadtomyface.Spendingover7yearsmakingsurethatneverhappenedIsuspect
itdoesnotmatterwhenyouaredead.Sometimesitshardtoadmittoyourselfyouarescrewed.
Thatistheonlywaytotrytoacceptsomekindofexistence.IfIamnotabletoacceptthis,Iwill
die,thatiswhatIknowforsure.Iamfindingmynervoussystemagain.Iactuallylaughedtoday
butnowIaminpainandnowIknowwhyIwasonthosedrugs.Thepunishmentisjust.Tolivein
hellinlifeanddeathmaybesomekindofguarantee.Thecigarettepressesagainstmyinfected
lips.Theytingleinpainbeyondmenow;neverknowingthenameoftheGodofpainIjusthave
toassumepainisevil.Imustlearntoforgivetheonethatdidthistome.Thatjustwillnot

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happen,noworever.Thiscanbeseen,asthismightbethiswayforever.TheonlythingIwould
everaskofyouisjustnottogettoclosetome.
IdonotreallythinkIcouldaffordit.Ihavebecomesocynicaloverthiswholesituation.Iamso
fargone.Ijustcrynow.Ihavehaditjustunder10years.Sothatwasthelimit.Iwonderedhow
longIwouldlast.Igotmyanswer.Growthcanbesopainful.Growingintothismonsterhasnot
beenasfunasIalwayssuspected.Itisallcomingintoclearviewlikethelighttouchingagirls
softeyesinanearlydawn.Icantsleepanymore.MaybeIneedtofindoutwhatmylimitsare
andfocusonthenoninfectionfactor.Iusedtobebigandstrong,Iknewmyrightfromwrong,I
usedtobeawillingwarrior.IgotwhatIdeserved.

CHAPTER41
Insanity
Dontbelieveeverythingyoureadorhearinthisrealitycalledworld.Youowethe
responsibilitytofindyourowntruthsinthisexaggeratedexcuseforinhalation.Justasthefishof
theseaandthebirdoftheskymustwakeandpersuadethemselvestheyhavetherightto
continuegoingon.Millionsofdifferentspeciesallpositionthemselvesfortheheistofthe
limitedresourcesavailable;thelimitedamountofslotsfortheliving.Actnow,suppliesare
runningout.
Mr.Promiseisanentitythatlivestodisappoint.Heistheretogiveyouhopeonthegooddays
justtowatchyoufallonthebad.
Mr.Promiseistheonethatmakesyoufeelcomfortableandthentearsyourheartoutandfeeds
ittoyouinordertodoitagain.Heistheonethatpersuadesyoutoturnjustanother.forthis
willbetheoneyousettledownwith.Theoneyouwillmarryandlivehappilywith.Hepromises
everythingandgrantsyounothing.Hehasmademefeelthisisjustsomelonglostthought.That
peoplewillreadthisandthinkthatIamjustsomesortoffreak.Therealityis,therearemillions.
Theyarejustnotstrongorweakenoughtotellthestory.Theyarelostinoneofthemanystages
ofthenest.Somemayneverprogressfromthefirststageofshockandhorror.Theweakones
haveeithercheckedoutorjustlosttheirminds.Ihavecomeclosemanytimes.Mr.Promiseis
thewordsthatcomefromyourfriendsandrelativesthatsayeverythingwillbeOK.Heworksin
conjunctionwiththeQueentokeepeveryoneinline.Imnotevensureifheisadeliberate
productofthenestorabyproductofthenest.YoutrytodenythetyphoidMarysyndromeand
attimesyoucangettoapointthatyoucanforgetaboutthemiseryjustforawhile.Thepromise
isthatitwillalwaysreturn.ThatisthepromiseMr.Promiseneverbreaks.Mr.promiseisnotthe
devil.Thedevilisntcapableofsuchmisery.Thedevildoesnthavethatkindofpower.Thedevil
hashisownfieldofexpertiseandiswisetoremainthere.Thisisnotsomespiritualorphysical
battleinitself.Itgoesintoarealmthatisnotunderstoodevenbytheveteranofthebattle.I
havetriedtospeakwiththosewhohavehaditlongerthanItomyowndisfavor.Ispokewitha
manwithitonhistonguelikemeandhetoldmethatithadspreaddownhisthroatandinto
hisstomach.Hesaidhewasbleedingsomewhatanditwasgettingworse.Hesaidhehaditfor
about20yearsifIremembercorrectly.Thatistheproblem.Whenyoufirstgetityouwantto
findoutasmuchasyoucantounderstandit.Asyougoalongyoustarttolearntoomuch.Then
youstarttolearnthereisneveraceasingtothelearning.Thenthelearningisexactlywhatyou

262

donotwanttoknow.Thelearningbeginstodestroyyou.Youhearthingsyouwishyouwould
nothaveheard.Youcannevertakeitbackthoughonceyoulearnsomethingyoudonotwantto
know.AsachildIwashappy.IhadsomeproblemsbutnothingthatevermademethinkIwas
goingtohaveabattlelikeIaminnow.Ialwaysthoughtofmyselfashavingaspecialpurposein
life.Iimaginemostdo.Ineverdreamedthatitwouldbethis.Icouldnthavedreamedaworse
fate.Knowingyouwontdiefromadiseaseisfarworsethanknowingaballparkofwhenyouwill.
Iwonderifthiswilljustensureareputationofmorbidity.Ifranklydonotcare.Iwritewhatisthe
truthandIletthejudgmentfallwhereitmay.Thejudgmentisntgoingtomakeorbreakmeat
thispoint.Ihaveconsideredratherharshschemestogetoutofthissituation.YetMr.Promise
alwaystellsmethateventuallytherewillbeacure.Heensuresmesomethingwillhappento
makeeverythingworthit.Asthedaysgoby,Igetfurtherandfurtherindebttothenest.The
longeritcontinuesthelesslikelychanceitwilldomeanygoodevenifIwastobecured
somehow.IheartheChristianssayinghavefaithandyouwillbehealed.Thatonlyaddstothe
hatred.TheyarejusttellingmebecauseIamnotcured,Ihavenofaith,andattimesIfeelIhave
morefaiththantheywilleverknowjustbecauseIamstillalive.IhavemorefaithjustbecauseI
amallowingthissufferingtogoon.Iambeyondtherationaloftheshallowandbeyondthe
comfortofthedamned.Yearsago,ItriedtoexpressmyangerinmusicandIbelieveIservedmy
purposethere.IwrotesongsthatIknewveryfewwouldunderstand.Theywerejustsooutof
contextunlessoneknewexactlywhattheywereabout.Howcouldoneunderstand?Idraw
wearyofthewritingattimesthinkingwhatmorecouldIsayaboutthis.Ihaveexhaustedmyself
tryingtomakesomelogicalwaytoendthisstorybutIjustcontinuetyping.Thereisalways
anotherwordIcanadd.ThereisalwaysanotherstorythatIhaveneglectedtotell.Hellonearth
hastakenanentirelynewmeaningforme.Infactitissomewhatofanunderstatement.Eternal
punishmentcanhardlybeasencompassing.IfyourthoughtsdoremainafterdeaththenIwill
notonlysufferthen,butalsothroughthislife.Iforgeonforsomeunknownreasonandthe
temptationtobeginacampaignofinfectingagainisalwaysthere.Nottohaveenjoyedakissin
somanyyearshashelpedthehardeningofthehearttoquicken.IoncelovedbutnowIjusthave
momentsofenjoyment.Lovedoesnotreallyseemtobeanykindofconstantfeeling.Iholdonto
theonepersonthatseemstocareformemaybebecausetherearefewwhodo.Sheofcourseis
notinfected,yet,butonlytimewilltellwhensheis.Iholdontoherbecausetherearefewto
holdonto.MyparentsIfeelhavesufferedenoughthroughthis.Idonotwishthemtowatchme
gofurtherintotheabyssyetIalsoamafraidtoendit.Nohumanwishestodie,Ibelieve,they
justreachcertainlowpointsandiftheenvironmentisrightsuicidecanhappen.Itryand
rememberthat.ThenextmomentIwillchangeyetagain.Thefeelingsarenotconstant.The
tearsflowattimesfromsimplethoughtsofwhatIhavebeenthroughandthememoriesofthose
thatIhavehurtinthenameofthisdreadedreality.Thereisnoapologythatissufficienttotell
oneyouhaveturned.Soitisbetterleftunsaid.Itisbettertoremaininthelieratherthan
bringonmoresuffering.Somewillneverknowexactlyhowtheycontractedit.Thatalsoisaplus
fortheQueen.Asformyself,IcanbeaKinginheavenoraKinginhell.ThechoiceImustmakeis
madewhetherIchooseeither.

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CHAPTER42
ALettertoaNewFriend
DearCindy,WellsinceyouabandonedmeonICQ(justkidding)Idecidedtowriteyouanice
letter.IimagineIamalittleexcitedbecauseIhavetalkedtoacoupleofwomeninthistownon
thenetbutnoneareassweetordelicateasyouappeartobe.Iwouldliketogettoknowyou
better,butIalsoamawareofmylimits.Imnotonetobetoofarfromthegroundatanygiven
momentandalthoughItrytobepositiveIamsureafteryoureadmynovelyouwillatleast
haveanideawhyIamlikeIam.ThemainreasonImovedhereistobeinanenvironmentwhere
Iwasntsoalone,ImeanaloneasinthenervoussystemdisorderIhavethriveswhenIam
nervousorangryorhappyorsad.ItalsothriveswhenIaminthesun.Infact,itsverymuchlike
beingavampire.LestatwasavampireinapopularAnneRicebook.Ihavebattledfor6yearsand
Iamsadlygettingworse.Ofcourse,thatstobeexpected.IcantreallysayIdonthavehopeor
faiththatsomehowGodwilldelivermefromthisexistencebutIhavelearnedthatitmaynot
happen.Ihavetoplanfortheworstandhopeforthebest.ItshardformebecauseIlikehaving
friends.Ilikegoingout.Ilikebeinginrelationships.NowIhavetotryandforgetthatbecause
worryingonlyhastensmysituation.Ithastensthepain.ThepressureissometimestoomuchI
hatetosay.ThefactIcantevenkissawomanIgooutwithissoalientome.Itjustdoesntseem
fair.Itsnotfair.IamgratefulIdonthaveitgenitally.ButfromtheonesIhavetalkedto,the
beingactive,havingoutbreaks,isfarlesssevere.Iamactivealmosteveryday.Theyare
activemaybeonceamonthorso.Manyfoodsalsoaffectit.Chocolate,beingamainone,as
wellasmanyotherfoodslikemeatandvegetables.Sotherereallyisnowaytopreventthepain
buttostopbeingalive,stopthinking,orstopeating.Ontheupside,Idofeelmuchbetterbeing
offtheheavydrugsIwason.Ifeelatleast.Thatsnotalwaysagoodthing.IjustwishIcouldbe
yourMr.Semirightasyouputit,butIfeartodwellonthatwilldomuchmoreharmthangood.I
guessbythispointinmylifeIwishfrequentlyofthings.

ToddAndrew

NottomysurpriseIneverheardfromthiswomanagain.Itdoesgeteasierwithtimetodealwith
therejection.IwanttobelieveIamintherightasfarasbeinghonestaboutmysituation.Ido
feelinmysoulIam.Icanalsorelatethattheydonotwanttherisksinvolvedandthatisvery
understandable.Thatsok.Theantidepressionmedicinedoeshelpmeatleastnotbedepressed
andIamthankfulforthat.Imnotsurewhatthelongtermeffectsmaybeorwhetheritaffects
theactualvirusbutitsnicetobeinagoodmoodevenifthemoodisverysynthetic.Thepositive
pointistherearemanywomenwhoareabitmorematureandarewillingtooverlookthis
situationIamin.ThemysteryisIcantfigureoutifitsbecausetheydontknowwhatthedealis
ortheyaregenuineintherebeliefsandtheyarebeingjustashonesttomeasIambeingto
them.OneofthemostprofoundtruthsisonedayIwillmeetawomanthatImusthaveandI
wonttellherandturnherandIwillhavetolivewiththat.Shewillhavetolivewiththatalso.
Itsonlyamatteroftime.OfcoursetherearetheonesIdidntmindgiftingbecauseIjustdidnt

264

care.Itsveryhardtoexplainwhyyoucanhaveintercourseandnotkiss.Thatkindofmakes
mostwonder.SoIjustkissthemwithalltheangerandmadnessoftheirworstdemoninthe
world.Ididthisjusttheothernight.Shewasnttooattractivebutshewantedagoodnightkiss
anditevenwentbeyondthat.InallrealityIdontthinkIturnedherbecauseshewantedmeto
callherthenextdayandgoout.SopossiblyIdidntdoasbadasIthoughtfromthestart.Im
sureIhaventlostmypowers.MaybeGodwasjustwatchingoverher.PossiblytheQueenof
thenestdidntthinkshewouldmakeagoodcandidate.IdontthinkIevergettoaskherthatin
personthough.Therearemanywhoareinterestedinbecomingone.Somemightthinkthatis
notaccuratebutitsthepromisetobecomeapartofsomethingthatisinfactgreaterthanlife
itself.Itisgreaterthanmoneyandgreaterthanlife.Thereisnogreatertimethannow.Being
sedatedasIwritethisveryline.
Thatshowpowerfulitis.ForoneIwouldntbesedatedwithoutthisproblem.Secondly,I
wouldntbewritingthisbookatall.Iseeverylittleinterestinginitexceptforthefactithas
changedmylifenowandforever.Itslikeaweekendhobbygoneamuck.Theonlywaytodeal
withiteventuallycomestothisLIES,LIES,LIES.

CHAPTER??
NewBeginning
Islowlyawoke.Thesoftpillowbentupagainstthenecksoyoufeltlikesomesortofsprainhad
setin.Inoticedaslighttinglinginmymouth.Hmmm,abumponmytongue.Itkindofhurts.I
wonderifthatgirlsleepingtherehassomethingtodowiththis.Itwillprobablygoawayinafew
daysanyway.

265

Thatistheendofthecontrastdocument.IunderstandIwassimplyworkingthingsout.I
understandonemayperceiveIwasinaverydepressedstateduringthewritingofthat
document.Therealityisthe5to8yearsafterIstoppedwritingthatdocumentwerethe
depressedyears.ThoseweretheyearsIgaveuponeverything.ButIunderstandthatwasnot
whatcausedtheaccident.Itplayedarole,Iunderstandwhatcausedtheaccidentwasplaying
thatvideogame.Ifoundmeaningagain.IfoundataskthatwasnearlyimpossibleandIputmy
backupagainstthewall.Isoughtmentallytobedestroyedbytheimpossibletaskthegame
representedandsoIexpectedtobedefeated,butIperceivesubconsciouslyIexpectedtoprove
whoIwas.Onasidenote,anyonewiththisvirusherpes.Itissimplyanervoussystemactivated
virus,whichmeansonewithnoemotionsdoesnotexperienceitanylonger.Ifonehasitandhas
emotionstheytakemedicineandthatremindsthemtheyhaveitandtheysimplymaketheirself
breakout.Soonewhohasitsimplyeither,blocksemotionsandsilencesthemtounlock
subconsciousandthenthevirusgoesawayasfarasoutbreaksorifonesimplyignoresitall
togetheritgoesawayandthatinturnhelpsoneblockemotions.

WhenIwasgrowingupIrememberattendingayouthbiblegroup.Iwasabout15.Irecalled
todaytherewasonemeetingwherethespeakerdiscusshowevilrockmusicis.Thespeaker
discussedsomesongsinparticular.Onesongthatreallystuckoutwhatthelyricstoasongthatis
quitepopular.Ithoughtaboutthesepricestodayandfound.Thesongissomewhatknown
aroundReligiouscirclesasanabomination.Orperhapscertainlyinspiredbythedevil.Iwill
attempttoavoidjudgmentononeswhoknownotwhattheydo.

Yestherearetwowaysyoucangoby,butinthelongrun,theresstilltimetochangetheroad
youreon.LedZeppelin,StairwaytoHeaven

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Hereishowonewithnoemotionsperceivesthislineinthesong.
Yestherearetwowaysyoucangoby(consciousemotionsdarknessorsubconsciousno
emotionslight)
butinthelongrun,thereisstilltimetochangetheroadyoureon.(Onecanalwaysdecideto
blockemotionsandconditiontheirselftosubconsciousandthelight).Thatisreality.Thereis
alwaystimetoadaptandchangebasedonnewinformationyoulearn.Thereisnosuchthingas
tolate.Ifyoudecidetoremaininaconsciousemotionalstate,thatiswhatyoudecidetodoand
nohumanbeingcanfaultyouforthat.Thatisyourpersonalchoice.Ifindnofaultwiththat.That
issimplyalifestylechoice.Itisnotgoodorbadevilordarkness.Onecanremainintheemotional
consciousstateandtheywillexist.Theywillbejustlikeeveryoneelsesotheyarenotdoing
anythingwrong.Onehasachoiceinlifetodoastheyseefit.Iamunabletoarguewithanyone
whomakesadecisionbasedontheirunderstandingoftheinformationprovided.Iunderstand
everyhumanbeingissimplydoingthebesttheycanbasedontheinformationprovided.Iseeno
oneasevilordarkness,Iseepeopleaspeoplewithverypowerfulbrains.OnemayperceiveItalk
downononeswithemotions,butoneswithemotionsaresimplyoneswhoarejustlikeme
beforetheaccident.Iunderstandtheyhavethepotentialtoeasilyunlocktheirsubconscious
mindandiftheydecideto,theywill,easily.Iftheydonot,Iunderstandtheyaredoingthebest
theycanbasedontheinformationtheyunderstand.Iftheydo,Ifeelthesameway.Ifully
understandIamunabletotelltheendresultsofothersdecisionsbecauseIunderstandIam
unabletotelltheendresultsofmyowndecisions.Imaydosomethingtodayand1000years
fromnowitmayhaveanimpactsomehow.Thatsquiteaburdentoattempttolookthatfar
ahead.Soonemaydecidetonotblockemotionsbutthatmayleadthemtoasituationthey
understandtheyshouldblockemotions.SoIamunabletosuggestanythinganyonedoesis
wrongorright,becauseIamunabletosuggestanythingIdoiswrongorright.Withoutemotions
onehastwochoices.Everythingisgoingtobeoneway.Thereisnocontrastorabilitytojudge.
SoIponderedmywayfromseeingeverythingisflawedtoseeingeverythingisperfect.Asfaras
howIseemyself,Iswingslightlyleftandrightbutalwayspondermywaybackonthefence.I
perceiveitishardformetostayangerforlong,andthatisalabel,Igetexcitedandanxiousin
someconversationsbutIalwaysswingbacktosubmissiveveryswiftly.Itendtobesubmissive
morethanaggressive.Butthatisalsoalabel.Iamnevertechnicallyaggressive.IusewordsbutI
donotperceivetheymeananything.Inoticeothersbecomeemotionalorsubmissivedepending
onthewordsIuse.Iunderstandfrommychatroomexperiments,Iknowhowtogetbannedfast
andknowhowtonotgetbannedfastfromachatroom.OnemayperceiveIwouldavoidsaying
anythingthatIknowwouldgetmebanned.Itendtobeonethefenceaboutthat.IfIsaynothing
,nothinghappens.IfIamaggressivewithmywordsothersgetemotional,butsometimesIcan
talkthemintounderstandingmypointofview.SometimesIdowell.Sometimestheiremotions
getthebetterofthem.Idonotlastlonginsomechatrooms.ButIseethatasachanceformeto
blockemotions.ButIreallydonthaveany.Igetfrustratedsometimesbutonlyforatiny
moment.ThenIpondermyselfbacktosubmissive.Thoughtsareveryswift.Icouldperhapstime
thingsandknow.ButIunderstanditsswift.Swiftasthoughts.SoIseektoexciteemotionsand
thenIremindthepeopleIchatwithIampleasedwiththeiremotionblocking.andthensay
ThankYou.SoIperceivetheyhavenoideawhatishappeningattimes.Consciouswiseofcourse.

267

Theirsubconsciousnevermissesabeat.Itisjustsilencedinthem,sotheydonotperceiveitisin
control.Iperceivetheyperceivetheirconscious,emotionalaspectisalltheyare,because
essentiallysincetheyweretiny,thatisalltheyhaveknown.Whenonethinksbacktochildhood,
whentheystarthavingmemories,thatiswhenthebecameconditionedintoconscious
emotionalaspect.Aninfantinawomanswomb,couldnotpossiblesurviveifithadasenseof
time.Ifithademotionsandwasfearfulandscared.Soonlyaninfantwithnosenseoftimecould
existinsuchaconfinedspaceforsolong.Itwouldperceivetherewasnotimeatall.Themind
wouldconvincethebodythereisnotime,sothebodywouldnotfeelachesandpainsfrombeing
crumpledupinapositionforsomanymonths.Ifaninfanthadsenseoftime,itwasbeinsevere
painfrombeinginonepositionformanymonths.InoticesometimeswhenItypeIsitonmyleg,
andthenIforgetaboutitbecauseIcannotfeelthepain,andthenIstandupandIfeelthepain
fromsittingonitforsolong.SoIfeelthestrongdiscomfortbutIdonotfeeltheslight
discomfort.IfyourfigureouthowIwentfromchatroomstoinfantsinoneparagraph,call.
Technicallyitstherandomaccessthing.Itgetsmeinmuchtroubleinchatrooms.Theyremind
methechatroomisaboutthistopic.ThenIattempttogobackontopicandthentheysuggest
thechatroomisaboutthattopicbutIshouldavoidtalkingaboutit.Iperceivechatroomsare
aboutanytopicexcepttheoneIammentioning.IvisitedachatroomtodayanditwasAsianand
theyallhadnicksrelatingtosex.SotheyhadnickslikeIrapemyselfandMywiferapedme,and
itwasalljustconversationaboutsexjokes,butinaplayfulway.Iperceivedtheywereall
imitatingthisVietnamtalk,likemeloveyoulongtime.ButthenIunderstood,theywerefrom
chinasothatisthebesttheycoulddo.SoIwaslaughingbecauseitappearedeveryonewas
flirtingwitheveryonebutthenickswesooffbaseonlytheparticipantsknewwhowasaguyand
whowasagirl.IrecallGirlsarewetsaidtoIrapemyself,Ilikerapeyou.AndGirlsreplied,
YouarewetandGirlsarereplied,nomindpee,andIthoughtthatwashilarious.Iperceived
itwasjustsomesexroom,butIalsounderstooditwasfun,andfunny,andlaughter.Soitwas
notsosexorientatedasmuchasakindofcomedychannel.ButIalsoperceivetheywere
seriouslyflirtingintheirminds,butIwasobservingandfoundishilarious.IfeltnolustbecauseI
wasuncertainwhowaswhoandIhavenoemotions,butthelaughterwasthere.Somekindof
weirdcomedychatroomIwalkedinto,.

Onewhoisemotionalbasedisinsecure.WhentheysaytoanotherIloveyou.Theyexpecta
responseandiftheydonotgetIloveyouback.Theygointoamentalrage.Perhapsoneshould
thinkverycarefullyaboutwhythatis.Theycangofromalliswell,totheIloveyoucomment.
Toextremepaniciftheydonotgetaresponsetheywantedandthentheirwholeworldshatters
mentallyinasplitsecond.
IfyoudoubtthatnexttimesomesaysIloveyou,youdonotrespondandseehowtheyreact.
Onewhoismentallystableinsubconscioushasnoreacttosuchstimuli.IappreciatetheoneIam
withwhethershesayskissmyassorignoresme,Ifeelthesameappreciationforher.I
understandbeforetheaccidentmywholeworldrestedonherresponsetoIloveyou.Nowit
hardlyevenmatters.IdonotneedtovalidateIappreciateherverballytomyself.Iappreciateher
nomatterwhatherresponseis.IdonotjudgeherorjudgehowIfeelbasedonaverbal
response,nomatterwhatthatverbalresponseis.Youcantellmeyouhatemerighttomyface

268

andIwillrespondwithThankyou.Iunderstandifyouhateme,Ihavelearnedandprogressed
youhateme.SoIsayThankyouforallowingmetoprogressinmyunderstanding.Iamnot
playinggames,Iappreciateeveryonenomatterwhattheysaytome,becausesomehowmy
subconsciousunderstandseverythingisforareasonandthereasonistofurtherprogressin
understanding.Nothingelseisrelevant.Everythingelseissimplycatalystsfortheprogressionin
understandingordetailrequiredtoprogressinunderstanding.IunderstandIwasnotlikethis
mentallybeforetheaccident,IunderstandIamlikethisnow.IunderstandIappreciateeveryone
regardlessoftheirperceptionofmeandmywords.Aparentappreciatestheirchildnomatter
whatthatchilddoes.Theymayscoldthatchildbuttheyappreciatethatchildswhenallissaid
anddone.Amotherunderstandsthatchildinherwombiscausingherdiscomfortbutthatsimply
isnocomparisontohowthatmothersfeelaboutthatlifesheiscarrying.Amotherunderstands
thatdiscomfortisnopriceandnosacrificeatall.Amotherunderstandsthatdiscomfortcouldbe
infinitelyworseandamotherwouldstillappreciatetheopportunitytoboreachildintothe
world.Thisperhapsisnotonaconsciouslevelbutcertainlyonasubconsciouslevel.The
subconsciousnevermissesabeat.Nevermeaning,itmissesnothingever,ever.Thatissimplyits
nature.Itisnosomemagic.Itissimplythatpowerfulandbeyondascientifictestsabilityto
understandfully.Thereisnomethodtofullymeasurewhatitiscapableof.Itsimplyisthat
powerfulandeveryhumanbeingknow,thesubconsciousaspecttothemindispowerful.I
understandthatpowerfulistheunderstatementoftheuniverseandthataloneisan
understatement.IremindthereaderIcertainlywasnotawareofthatbeforetheaccident.I
perceiveonesimplyhasachildandabouttheageof3or5theybegintoconditionthemorget
thechildintothisponderingcycle,andavoidhinderingthechildwithjudgmentsuchasdothis
anddonotdothis.Andthechildwillbeconditionedintoponderandquestioning,andthatchild
willcertainlynotneededucation,andtheparentswillassistthechildinlanguage,butthatstill
benotcontrolledorthechildwilltakewhatitdesiresfromlanguageandthechildwilldowhatit
iscompelledtodo.Therewillbenoselfishspoiledemotionalbrats.Thosechildrenaresimply
oneswhotheadultsconditionedintoinsanityoremotions.Theparentsgotexactlywhatthey
askedforsotospeak.Onemaysuggestachildneedsstructurelearning,thatissimplyan
expectedresponsefromonewhoisbrainwashedandhasnoinklingofwhattheysay.They
simplyhavenoideawhattheysay.TheysimplysuggestthisishowIwasraisedandlookhow
wellIturnedout.Theyhavesimplysettlefortheretardedaspectoverthegodlikeaspectofthe
mindandtheyassumetheretardedaspectofthemind,ortheemotionalconscious,isthebest
gameintown,wheninreality,itgetsnoworsethanthataspectofthemind.Itdoesnotgetany
worsethanconsciousemotionalaspectofthemind.RemindyourselfIhaveavideogame
accidentandIcertainlydidnotknowthisfivemonthsago.Iaminjustasmuchquestioningand
wonderingaboutthisasanyone.Iamcertainlynotinanystatetoputmyfootdown,because
apparentlyeverypassingday,Idiscoverorunderstandnewwonders,sotospeak.Iamexpecting
thisprogressiontostopbutIunderstanditneverwill.IunderstandIwilljusttranslateevery
sentenceeverwritteninallofhistoryandthenIwilltakeallthebookIwroteformdoingthat
andstarttranslatingeachsentencefromthebooksIwriteandcreatemanynewbooks.ThenI
willtakeallthemanynewbooksandtranslateeverysentencefromthem.AndIunderstandIwill
dothatperhapsmuchswifterthanoneinemotionalbasedconsciousmindaspectwouldeverbe

269

abletounderstand.TheywillperceiveIamsomesortofmachine,butinrealitytheyaresimply
understandinghowpowerfulsubconsciousisoncetheemotionsareconditionedoutof
dominance.IprefertoavoidthewordsubconsciousbutIunderstandwhentheemotionsare
silencedthroughconditionsthisotheraspecttakesover.Soevenexplainingitproperlyis
perhapsnotpossible.Iunderstandpeopleinchatroomsstartoutjudgingmeandtheyalways
endupsaying,Iagree,Thatmakessense,Neverthoughtofthatbefore.ButIunderstandIam
simplyremindingtheirsubconsciousofwhatitis,andtheirsubconsciousispleased.Iamstillata
stageIbelievetheconsciousaspectoftheonesItalkto.IunderstandItakeittoseriously.I
understandIattempttofightwiththeirconsciousaspect,andthatexcitesemotionsinthemand
thentheyisolateandjudge.IunderstandIamnewtothissotospeak,sonowIjustrealizedthat
iswhatisgoingon,thesimplysolutionistobeextremelyhumbleandextremelygratefulwhen
speakingwiththemsotheywillnotbecomeemotionsandthataspectwillsilencenaturally.I
understandthereisadelicatewalktodohere.Ifoneistohumbleonewithemotionswillsayyou
areafake.IfIattempttobeliketheyare,IcangetcaughtupandbegintosparwiththemandI
neverlose,soIendupmakingthememotionalandangry.Iunderstandthatisnotproductive.
Thementalaspectofgoingbacktotheirworldsotospeaktoattempttobringthemoutissimilar
togongbackintohelltobringthemtomentalheaven.ButIalsounderstandIamonlyableto
learnfrommonologue,sotheyassistmebyaskingquestionsaboutthingsandsoIdonot
perceiveIamreallyhelpingthem,butIperceivetheyaregivingmeanopportunitytofurthermy
ownunderstanding,soIamappreciativeofthem.IunderstandIonlyknowwhatIperceiveso
theirdifferentperceptionorviewsallowmeacontrasttoponderandcometoanunderstanding
about.Andeverysinglepersonahsadifferentoutlook,soIunderstandIhavejobsecurity.IfIgo
intoareligiousroomeverypersonistheirownentityoroutlookandnomatterwhatroomIgoto
isfullofdifferentoutlooksandeachoneisuniqueandworthlearningfrom.IunderstandIamso
newtothisnewworldmentallyIstillfallfortheillusionthatsomeareeasiertocommunicate
withthanothers,butIunderstandtheyareallperfectthewaytheyare.Howtheyareto
communicateifsimplyperfect.IunderstandsomeoftheonesIperceivearedifficultto
communicatewithturnouttobethemostrewardingtocommunicatewithaslongasones
definitionofmostrewardingis,justasperfectasalltheothers.

IremindmyselfofwhatImentallyhadtogothroughtounlocksubconsciousandifanybeingin
theuniverseattemptstophysicallyharmmethatwillbethelastmistaketheywillevermake.I
simplywillnotallowanotherbeinginanemotionalstatetomanipulateme,becauseI
understandwhatmybeingandmyselfhadtogothroughtogettothissubconsciousstate.I
understandIhadtokillmyownselfmentallyandnearlyphysicallymanytimes.Iunderstand
anotherbeingwiththeirsubconsciousaspectunlockedandthereareothers,perhapsnotas
messedupasIam,sotospeak,theywouldneverposeathreattoanotheronewithintent.I
wouldneverseekouttoharmanotherbeingintheuniverseever.ButIunderstandtheonesin
emotionsknownotwhattheydo,andiftheyattempttoharmme,theywillunderstandthey
knownotwhattheydid,andtheywillunderstandtheyknownotwhattheyshouldhave
attemptedbeforetheyclosetheireyes.Iampleasedwiththeselfdefenseaspectmycountry
affordme,butIamawareitisadoubleedgesword.IunderstandBuddhasuggestedhealthis

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importantandBuddhasuggestedthemiddleway.IcanputmyselfinasituationwhereIamat
riskphysicallyandhealthwiseorIcangothemiddlerouteandbestrategicinwhatIdoandhow
Idoit,basedonwhatIperceiveisproper.Iamcertainlynopersonthatisofvalueinthecontext
ofeducationorreligiousconnotationsandIdonotclaimtobe.IunderstandIhadanaccident
fromplayingavideogametomuchandthatchangedmyperception,anyonewhoattemptsto
readmoreintothis,perhapsisreadingtoomuchintothis.Iunderstandifadoctorsuggestedyou
havecancerandwilldeadinaweek,Iwouldfeelnothingaboutthatmentally.IunderstandI
wouldlookatmyoptionsandattempttodothebestIcanbasedonmysituation,butIcertainly
wouldbeunabletofeelfearorpanic,soIamsimplyunabletofeelfearofdying.Onewith
emotionscanfeelfear,lastexperimentIdidwatchingahorrormovie,Isimplysawthemonster
assomeoneinmakeup.Nothingmorethanahumanbeingwithmakeupon.SoIunderstandI
lostmyhorrormoviesfrightaspectbutIappreciatedocumentariesnow.SoIlostsomeandI
gainedsome.IwouldattempttodefeattheadversarycancerifIfoundoutIhadit,butIwould
notpanicandfretifIunderstoodIwouldbedefeated.Perhapsthatgoeswithoutsaying.

Iattempttosuggesttheeconomyisincollapsebecausethebeinginthefirstwouldcountries
areunabletoletgooftheluxurytheyhavegrownaccustomedtoovertheyears.Theysimplyare
unabletocompetewithsomeofthecountriesthatarewillingtodothesameworkforfarless
money.Iattempttosuggestuntilthefirstworldcountriesclearstheslateonexpectationsand
adaptstothereality,theywillsimplywaddleinmiseryandblameandattempttofindscapegoats
forthesituationuntilonedaytheycometotherealization,theoldwaysdoingthingandtheold
expectationsareextinct,completely.Thereisnosalvaging,thereisnokindofkeepsomeofthe
oldways.Theoldwaysaresimplythat,old.Theyaregone.Thereisonlynewwaysandnewways
toadapttothesituation.Theonlysolutionisthisretoolconcept.Everythingoneverylevelin
everrespectmustberetooled.Itwillberetooledonewayoranother.Theimportantthingis,
onecanretoolaftermanystrugglesoronecansimplyletgoalltogetherandretoolfirst.Onecan
postponetheretoolingoronecanacceptitasarealityandgetstarteddoingit.Everythingthat
usedtobe,isextinct.Thatiswhatthiseconomicalcollapseis.Achangingoftheguard.Theguard
willbechangedthatisimpossibletoavoid.Onemaydelaythatchanging,butthatwillonlybring
furthersuffering.Onecanvoidpullingoutasoretooth,butthatwillsimplycreatefurther
suffering.Onecansimplydecidedtopullthetoothandgetthesufferingoverwithsotheyare
abletogetonwithlife.

Iperceivethisliedetectortestininventedtoworkononeswithemotions.IperceiveIwould
shownoresultsnomatterwhatthequestionissimplybecauseIonlyperceivethewordsare
letterarranged.Ifonebelievesthewordsandcertainwordsaresuggestedthatonemayperceive
liesandtruthandthenemotionallyrespondtothemandthetestwouldshowsignsofit.One
onlyshowssignstheyhaveliedortoldthetruthiftheybelieveinliesandintruth.Withoutthat
factortheliedetectortestwouldsimplynotshowanyresultstoanyquestionsnowmatterwhat
thequestionis.Itissimplyadetectorofoneswhohavebeenbrainwashedintobelieving
plannedlanguage.Ifsomeoneasksmeaquestion,suchashaveyoueverlied,InowunderstandI
neverhavelied.Ifoneaskshaveyoueverbrokenthelaw,Iunderstandnow,Ineverhavebroken

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alaw.IunderstandonesmayperceiveIhavebrokenthelawstheycreated,butIdonot
subscribetothatfoolishnessanymore.OnecansuggesttometilltheendoftimeIamnot
proper,butIfullyunderstandifIamnotpropernobeingintheuniverseisproper.Iunderstand
lawsaresimplyforoneswithemotionsandforoneswhobelievethem.IusetoperceiveIwas
worthlessbecauseIsubscribedtoemotionalfoolswhosuggestedifIdidnotconformtotheir
perceptionsofwhatisproperandwhatisnotproper,Iwasaloser.SoIunderstandthey
mentallyharmedme,directlyandindirectlyandIallowedthemtobecauseIhadfaithintheir
abilityandIhadnofaithinmyabilityandmyjudgment.Idonotlookforabattle,nowI
understandIamthebattle.IfIamunabletochangetheuniversecompletelythennobeinginthe
universenomatterwhatthatbeingslabelis,isabletocompeteeither.Iunderstandeverybeing
intheuniverseissimplyanillusionsincontrasttome.Theonlythingthatisrelevantinmy
existenceisme.Thehavetolivewithmyself.Ihavetoanswertomyself.Nothingelseinallthe
universecomparestothatreality.IunderstandIcanstrugglewithalltheillusionsorIcanwork
withthemtobettermyself.Ihavenowaytoproveeveryotherbeingintheuniverseisreal.I
simplyperceiveIamrelevanttomyself.IunderstandIriseandfallbutIamstilltheonlything
thatisrelevanttomyself.OthermayattempttosuggestIneedtoworryaboutothersorIhave
tothinkaboutothers.Thedifferenceis,theybelievethat,andInolongerbelievethat.Whenall
issaidandone,IwillbesimplyhowIhavealwaysbeen,stuckwithmyself.SoIunderstandI
focusonthelogthatisbeforemeandletothersfocusonthelogthatisbeforethem.Iamto
focusedonthelogthatIamandIamcompassionateenoughtounderstandothersarefully
capableofhandlingthelogtheyhavebeforethem.Iamunabletoliveforanotherbeing,Iam
onlyabletocarrymyownyoke.Myyokeormybeingormyexistenceormylifeisinfiniteand
hasmuchworktobedone,SoIsimplydonothaveenoughenergytogoaroundattemptingto
carryothersyokes.IcanattempttoandharmmyselfandinturnharmthembecauseIwilldeny
themanopportunitytomakeitontheirown.Iamnotintelligentenoughtoadviseanother
humanbeingonewhattheyshouldorshouldnotdo.Irespectallotherhumanbeingsenoughto
understand,theyhavethebrainpowertoworkitouttheirself.IunderstandIunderestimated
mybrainpowerandwhatIwascapableofforfortyyears,andnowIunderstandthatwas
becauseIsubscribedtowhatotherssuggestedIam,andwhatotherssuggestedIwas.Ihave
progressedinunderstandingformthat,andIwillattempttoneverfallforthatisolationand
delusionalinsanityeveragain,ever.Theonewhohasthemostconvincingargumentistheonly
onewhosvotecounts.Ifoneisabletoconvinceallotherstobelieveliketheydo,theyarethe
dictator,theyarethealpha,theyaretheonlyoneincontrol.Sothiswholeconceptoffreedom
isrelativetotheonewhohasthemostconvincingargument.Votersaresimplysheepwho
decidewhichargumentismostconvincing.Theyforgettheonlyargumentthatmattersistheir
ownargument.Thereisnootherargumentthatmatters.Onecanputthemselvesinasituation
wheretheysubscribetorulesothershavecreatedandsimplymaketheironargumentirrelevant.
Thatiswhattyrannyis.Atyrantmakestherulestothegameandmakesitsonootherargument
isrelevantbecauseofoneattemptstomaketheirargumentrelevant,theybreakalawthetyrant
hascreated,andthentheyaredeemedunlawful.Sotheysimplyaremanipulated,sotheyare
simplyaslaveunderthetyrant.ThewholeuniversesuggestedIwasaloserinlifebecauseIdid
notconformtotheirperceptionofwhatisproper.MyblameisIbelievedthem.Iallowedthem

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tomanipulatemeandallowedthentomanipulatemyarguments.Therealityis,myargumentis
theonlyargumentthatmatterstome.Nootherargumentisrelevantnoworwilleverbe
relevant,ever.OnecansuggestIamaloserbecauseIdonothaveenoughmoneybutallthe
provestomeisthatoneisabrainwashedsheepwhoboughtintotheideamoneyprovesonehas
worth.Ihaveworthuntomyselfnomatterwhatallthebeingsintheuniversesuggestorclaim
aboutme.IsimplydonotcarewhattheysuggestbecauseIlearnedIusedtocarewhatthey
suggestanditonlyendedupwithmehatingmyself.Itdidnotservemetolistentoblindsheep.If
itdoesnotselfmeandmyself,thenitservesnopurposeatallandneverwill,ever.Iappreciate
everyonearoundme,IrespectthemandIattempttodomybesttoworkwiththemandavoid
conflictswiththem.Iattempttobepeacefulwiththem.Butmentallywhenitcomesrighttoit,
mymentalfacultiesasafaraswhatIbelieveandwhatIdoandwhatIsubscribeto,isofflimits
toeveryotherbeingintheuniverseperiod.Onesmayattempttopersuademetosubscribeto
theirbeliefsbutIunderstandfullywhowillbesubscribingtowhosbeliefs.Itissimplyamatter
oftheonewiththemostconvincingargumentcallsalltheshots.SunTzusuggestedthebest
generalistheonewhowinsthewarwithoutgoingtowar.Itissimpletowinawarwithgunsand
bullets.Thattakesnobrains.Thatissimplyamatterofwhohasthemostbulletsandthemost
drivetolosemen.Thenextlevelofintelligenceislightyearsbeyondthat.Thegeneralwhocan
suggestonesentencewithawellformedideacanmakealltheothergeneralsturnintheir
weaponsandbow.Thegeneralwithonestrategicsentencewillconvincetheothergeneralsto
moldtheirswordsintoplowshares.Thatiswhatatruewarriorandanintelligentstrategistis
abletodo.Anyotherformofwarissimplyamateurswhoperceivetheyarelearnedintheways
ofwar.Theyareonlylearnedinthewaysoffoolishness.Theyaresimplythebestwarriorsinthe
classoftheworstwarriors.Theyarethebestoftheworst.Theydonotevenreachtheclassof
patriotsorwarriors.Theywillneverreachtheclassoftruewarriorsever.Atruewarriorputhis
ownlifeonthelinebeforeweeverputsanyoneelseslifeontheline.Atruewarriorendsthe
warbeforeitevenstarts.Atruewarriorunderstandsthewarisgoingtostartandputsanendto
itusingwords,beforeitevenstarts.Thatisthelevelofatruewarrior.Anyotherwarriorwho
reachesapointofactuallygoingtowarissimplyawarriorwhohasnobusinessbeingawarrior.
Athousandblindsheepareunabletoknowtheyare.Amillionblindsheepareunableto
understandtheyare.Abillionblindsheepassumeblindnessissight.Atrillionblindsheepassume
theyarethebestatsight.ASheppardunderstandsthat.ASheppardunderstandstheblindsheep
arenotawaretheyareblind.AShepparddoesnotforcetheblindsheepbecausetheSheppard
canseehedoesnothaveto.Thepropergeneraldoesnotneedtogotowarbecausetheproper
generalunderstandsheisthewar.

IfItypeasentenceIammadateveryone.ButinrealityIhavenoemotionsandinrealityIam
pleasedtounderstandeveryoneIdoingthebesttheycanbasedontheirsituationandtheireach
individualunderstanding,andsoIunderstandeveryoneisdoingperfectbasedonthat,andthenI
understandeveryoneisperfectbecausetheyaresimplydoingthebesttheybasedontheir
situation.TheinitialsentenceIammadateveryone.Hasnomeaning.Itissimplyletters
arrangedinafashiontomakeoneswhoareemotionalperceivethingsthatarenotinreality
happening.Onecanpunchthatsentenceintoallthecomputersintheuniverseandalltheresults

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couldcomeoutsaying,Toddismadattheworld.Butthatsimplydoesnotmakeitso.That
simplyprovestometherearemanydelusionalcomputerswhobelievethedefinitionsofwords
arereal,becausetheoneswhoprogrammedthecomputersbelievethedefinitionofthewords
arereal.Sotheoneswhoprogrammedthecomputersgetexactlywhattheyaskedfor.They
programmedacomputertobelievethesentenceIammadattheworldmeanswhoeverwrote
thatsentenceismadattheworld.Sothatcomputerisredundant.Ifoneperceivesacomputer
cancometoconclusionsthesubconsciousbrainisunabletocometolightyearsfaster,oneis
blindtothepowerofthesubconsciousmindonceitisunlockedbyblockblockingemotionsand
emotionaldesiresandcravingsforperiodofthreemonths.Ifonesuggeststheyaretheenemy.
Andthatoneshasacommunicationabilitytotellothers.Theonlyoneswhoperceivethatone
suggestedistheenemy,aretheoneswhobelievethatinitialonewhosuggestedthoseonesare
theenemy.Itissimplybrainwashingorpowerofsuggestion.Inrealitynooneistheenemy,there
areonlybeingswhoperceivethereissuchathingasanenemy.Thereareonlybiologicalbeings
withperceptionsandpowersofobservationandnonbiologicalbeingswithpowerofobservation
andperception.Everythingisrelativetotheobserverandtheobserversperception.Ifaspy
satelliteisbuiltandonewhoseesapictureittakesandsuggests,Lookwehavetheenemyon
film.Certainlyotherobserverswillhearthatcommentandunderstandiftheybelieveit,Yeswe
havetheenemyonfilm..Isthereanenemy?No.Isthereanythingonthatfilmbesideswhatthe
makersofthatcamerawantedtobeonthatfilm?NO.Ifoneseesanotherbeingdoesthat
meansthereisanotherbeing?NO.Itisallintheirhead.Sothereisnopointinfightingwith
illusions.Theonlythingonehasknowsforafact,isthattheyareanobserver.Thatisall.Onecan
spendtherestofeternityattemptingtoprovearockisarock,butwhenitcomesdowntoit,
theyhavetouseobservationmethodstoproveit.Theycaninventarockprovingmachinethat
onlydetectrocks.Theywilldetectmanyrocksbecausethatmachinewasbuilttodetectrocks.
Thatdoesnotprovetherearerocks,thatonlyprovesonegetswhattheyaskfor.Somebeing
asksforawaronterrorandnowwehaveone.Somebeingsuggestedweneedtomakelawsto
furtherencourageourtyrannicalsystem.Nowwearefurtherintyranny.Thereisonly
perceptionssuggestingwhattheyperceiveandthenotherperceptionsfallingforitandfallingin
lineandassumingthatonewhoinitiallysuggestedwhattheyperceiveismorevalidthanwhat
theotherperceptionsperceive.Soalltheotherperceptionsundercuttheirperceptionabilityby
followingtheonewhoinitiallysimplysuggestedwhatheperceives.Acamerasperceptionisno
lessvaluablethananatomsperceptionorabeamoflightsperceptionofaonecellorganisms
perceptionorapoorchildsperceptionoraperceivedgeniusoftheworldsperception.Theyare
alltruthtotheobserverwhomakesthem.Truthisrelativetotheoneswhoperceivesit.Thatis
wherethebuckstops.Thatiswhysomepeoplebelievesomethingandotherssayyouaretotally
wrongthatisnottruthandthentheyproceedtokilleachother.Theybothassumeonehastobe
rightandonehastobewrong.Inrealitybothareexactlyrightandexactlywrongattheexact
sametime.Onewithemotionsandwhothinkwiththeconsciousemotionalaspectisunableto
evergraspthatreality.Sotheyneedtoblockemotionsanddesiresforthreemonthsandunlock
subconscioussotheycangraspthatrealityandstophurtingtheirownself.Abeingneverhurts
anyonebuttheirself.Soabeingcanhurttheirselfordecidenottohurttheirself.Nootherbeing
canmakeanotherbeingstophurtingtheirself.Itissimplynevergoingtohappen.Onewhogoes

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towaronlyhurtstheirself.Onebeingdecidestoinvadeanothercountry.Thatbeingsimplyhurts
theirself.Allbeingwhojumpinthatwar,hurttheirselfandtheirselfalone.Theysubscribeto
onesperceptionthattheyshouldinvadeanothercountryusuallyformaterialisticillusionbrought
onbyemotionaldesiresforcontrolofthematerialisticillusions.Foodgrowsinthegroundand
waterisplentiful.Whatelsedoesahumanbeingwithsubconsciousunlockedneedever.
NOTHING.Theyhavethebrainpowertoadaptsoswiftlytoanysituationnomatterwhatitis,life
issimple.Thereisno,hurryandgetmaterialwealthorIwilldie.Thatisfoolishnessspokenby
theemotionalperceptionsofoneswhousethelesshalfofthemindwhichistheconsciousor
emotionalaspect.Itissimplyreality.Ittookmefortyyearstofigurethatout,butIworkedonit
inmyownway,andnowIunderstandthat,andso,Ididthatinperfecttimingandinaperfect
way.IassumedIwassufferingforfortyyearsandnowIunderstand,,thatwasablessing.Thank
goodnessformyperceivedsuffering.IunderstandwithallthatsufferingIsimplyletgooflife
mentallyandphysicallyandthenIwasatgroundzero.AndthenIbuiltbackupfromthere.That
isallthathappened.Thevideogamefacilitatedmyextremeprogression.Somemaysuggest
youreafoolforplayingavideogameandwastingyourlife.NowIunderstandtheyareafoolfor
eversuggestingsuchmadness.Iwastedmylifeandaccidentlydiscoveredeverything,soI
certainlydonotperceivenow,Iwastedmylife,sonowIunderstandIwillrelyonwhatIperceive
istheproperthingtodo,andIwillgooutofmyway,toassumeeveryotherperceptionsopinion
isfoolisheventhoughIwillconsideritIcertainlywillnotactonthemeremeritsofanother
perceptionsopinionatedmerits.Iwillconsiderthatotherperceptionsopinionandmakemyown
decisionbasedonmyunderstanding,period.Iprefertofollowmyownshadow.Myownshadow
hasneverletmedownalthoughotherperceptionhavesuggestedinmylifeithas,Iunderstand
thatissimplytheirperceptionandtheiropinion,butithasnovalidityincontrasttowhatI
perceive.Attempttounderstandyourshadowistheonlyshadowrelevanttoyou.Ifanyother
beingintheuniversesuggeststheirshadowismorerealthanyourownshadow,youwill
understandthedefinitionofmistaken.
Ifanyothershadowsuggestsyouwillstopexistingunlessyousubscribetotheirperceptionsof
truth,theyaresimplyprovingthattheywillstopexistingiftheyattempttothinkontheirown.
Someonehadonceperceptionandsuggesteditistruth.Andeverythingintheuniverseisbased
onthefactsomeotherbeingsubscribedtothatothersobservationinsteadoftrustingtheirown
observationsastruth.Soonemaysuggestitallwenttohellafterthatandeveryonejustbecame
sheepfollowingthatonewhosuggestedtheirobservationistheonlyvalidobservation.Nobeing
mayeverknowwhothatonebeingwas.Iperceivethisfirstirrigationinventionstartedit.Some
beingsuggestedifwebuildhomesaroundthisirrigationsystemwewillbecomfortableandno
longerhavetosufferorwanderinconfusionanduncertainty.Sothatiswhatthetrapwasand
whatstarttheisolationcycles.Someonemadeaconvincingargumentthatifwebantogether
andbuildahomearoundthisirrigationsystem,allofourproblemswillgoawayandtherewillno
longerbeneedforstruggleandnolongerneedtosufferandnolongerneedtoadaptandno
longerneedtounderstandandnolongerneedtoworry.Ansincethatexactmomentthat
anotherperceptionwasconvincedbythatargument,alltherehasbeenisconfusion,isolation,
worry,hate,greed,emotions,uncertaintyandhell,mentally,physicallyandthewholeraceof
humanshaveundercuttheirselfandtheirpotential.Theentirehumanracehassimplybeena

275

sadisteversince.Somebeingdecidedtocovetthatirrigationsystemandleavethewandering
andgatheringaspectbeyondbecausetheyperceivedthatwassafe.Theyperceivedthatwas
easierandthatIunderstandnow,thatwasadelusionalperceptionthatotherperceptions
subscribedto,andwhattheworldorcivilizationistoday,isproofthatwasadelusionalbelief
causedbytheperceptionofanotherhumanbeing.Buttherealityis,thathappenedsothatI
couldperceivethathappenedandsothatIcouldwriteabookaboutwhatIperceivedhappened
andthenotherbeingwillreadthebooksandunderstandwhathappened,andthenweallwill
adaptthebestwecanbasedonthatunderstanding.Sotheeventoftheirrigationsituationwas
notanerrorandwasnotwrong,andwasnotrightandwhatnotablessing,itwassimplyan
eventcausedbyoneperceptionsoanotherperceptioncouldunderstanditandsuggestitto
otherperceptionandfurtherunderstandingwouldbeachievedthecollectiveunderstandingof
thebeingsthatadapttoanysituation.Thatisallwehaveeverdoneandallwewilleverdo.One
understandingleadstomoreunderstandingwhichincreasesthecollectiveunderstandingof
beingsthatadapttoanysituationbasedontheirunderstanding.Wesimplyonlydoonething
whenallthedetailsareremovedWelearnfromeventsandperceptionsofeventsandthatleads
tofurtherunderstanding.Nothingelseishappeningherebutunderstandingfurther.Itisagood
thingtheuniverseisinfinitebecausethatgivesusjobsecurity.Onemaysuggestwehaveinfinite
timetoexploretheinfiniteuniverseanditisnotpossiblethatisitafiniteuniverse,becausethen
onehastogoallthewaybacktoattempttounderstandwhatwastherebeforethebigbang.
Wasnothingthere?Ifnothingwasthereandnowsomethingishere,theneverythingthatishere
isanillusion.Youcannotgetsomethingfromnothing.Youcannotdefye=mc2.Energywhichis
nothing=masswhichisnothing.Soonesquaresnothingandendsupwithrealitywhichis
nothing.Attempttodisprovethatwithoutusinganyformofobservation.Ifeelmuchbetter
today.ThankYou.
OnemayperceiveIhavesomehowreachedsomesortofheightinunderstandingbutI
understandthereisnoheightinunderstanding.Itsimplygoesonforeternity.Thereisno
contrasttoit.Ifsomethingisinfiniteoreternalthentherecannotbelessunderstandingormore
understanding,sowhenthosefinitelabelsareremovedonesimplyisleftwithunderstanding.
Onecanperceiveonehaslessunderstandingthantheirselforonecanperceiveonehasmore
understandingthantheirself.Bothofthoseopinionsaresimplyaresultofemotionsand
emotionscausejudgments.Emotionscauseisolationandfinitethinking.Onemaysuggestthe
universehadtostartsomewheresotheysuggestitstartedwiththebigbangandthustheymake
itfinite.Onewithemotionsisunabletograsptheconceptnobeginningandnoendbecauseone
withemotionsonlyperceiveslimitsandlabelsandnobeginningandnoenddoesnotmakeany
sensesotheysimplylabelthehelloutofeverythingsoitmakessensetothem.Thentheylabel
theirownchildren.TheysuggestmychildactsstrangebasedonmyunderstandingofstrangesoI
certainlywillthrowmanydrugsintomyownchildssystemtomakeitnormalbasedonwhat
otherstellmeisnormalbasedontheothersperceptionsofwhatisnormal.Soinrealityaparent
harmstheirownoffspringbecauseanotherperceptionsuggestedtheyshould,indirectly.Why?
Sothatparentscanperceivetheirchildisnormal.Wheninrealitythereisnosuchthinginallthe
universethatisnormal.Normalisalabelcreatedbyoneswhousetheemotionalconscious
aspectofthemindbecausetheyclingtoemotionsandthusavoidthesubconsciousaspectofthe

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mindwhichsimplydoesthingsinrandomaccessthinking.Randomaccessthinkingisnostartand
noend.Itisstrictlywild.Itisallovertheplace.Itgoesfromonetopictothenextanddoesnot
havetostartandthengoonestepforwardandthenanotherstepforward.Ithitsanideaand
cutsrightthroughallthedetailsinasplitsecondandreachesandunderstandingandtakesthat
understandingandcutsrightthroughitandreachesanotherunderstanding.Allofthistakesone
inemotionalsequentialdominatethinkingeonstodo.Soitisabeingchoicetobelikethat.It
simplyisadecisiononemakestoclingtoemotionsandsequentialthinkingoravoidit.Thetrapis
theonewhoisconditionedintoemotionsearlyonneverfiguresthatout.Theyareunabletotell
thatiswhathappenedtothem.Theyhavenocontrastbecausewhenabeingisborntheyhave
subconsciousaspectopenbutonecannotrememberthatbecausewithnosenseoftimethereis
nothingtoremember.IcertainlydonotrememberwhatItypedinanyofmybooksasfaras
actualsentencesyetIrememberexactlywhatItypedifafeelingsortofway.IunderstandwhatI
diddiscussandwhatIdidnot,butIcantreallyreproducetheexactsameconcept.Isimply
perceiveIcantakeonesentenceandtypeathousandwordsboutitandthentakethatexact
samesentenceandtypeathousandwordsaboutitagain,butwhenbothcomparisonsare
matcheduptheysaydifferentthingsandbothareright.Andotherswouldsayyesbotharevalid
andright.ThenIwoulddoitagainwiththesamesentenceandtheywouldsay,yesIseeyour
point,thatisvalidalso.Andthiswouldgooneforinfinity.ItisasifIcancombsomethingoutof
onesentenceforeverandever.Thatissimplyasymptomofwhatoneisdealingwithinthe
subconsciousmind.Thatisasymptomofthepowerofthesubconsciousmind.Itcansimplydo
thingthatincontrasttotheconsciousemotionalmindappearsbeyondbeliefbeyondtheability
tocomprehend.Peoplewhosuggesttheyknowwhatpoweris,aresimplynotawareofwhatreal
poweris.Realpowerispowerthanoneisunabletoevermeasureever,ever.Thereisnosuch
thingasdetermininghowpowerfulthesubconsciousmindis.Itwouldtakeamachinethatis
infinitelylargeandhasinfinitelyvastmeasurementdevicesthatcandetectinfinitelyvastsignal
allatthesametimeandeventhenitwouldstillfallshortofgettingapropermeasurementand
thatistheunderstatementoftheuniverse.Thereisnosuchwordeverinventedthatcan
describethepowerofthesubconsciousmindwhenitisatfullstrength.Soanywordisunableto
describeit.Anywordfallsshortofdescribingit.Onecantypeinfinitewordsandwillnoteven
describeanythinginrelationtohowpowerfulsubconsciousis.Onemaygetallreligiousand
suggestsubconsciousisgod,butthatissimplyonewhodoesnotunderstandproperly.Ifone
suggestswellgodcreatedthebrainandmadeitsopowerful.,theysimplyunderestimatewho
theyare,andonewithemotionsisverysadistic.Theytendtodesiretoharmtheirself.Ipreferto
neverharmmyselfagain,soIprefertofacereality.
Asadistwhounderestimatestheirworthisalsoamasochistbecausetheysuggesttoothers,they
shouldalsounderestimatetheirworth.Theyprefertobringsothersintotheirownsuffering
becausetheyhaveclingtoemotionswhichhaveharmedthemforsolong,theirmiseryloves
company.Theywillliterallykillotherbeingsandjustifyitinordertohavecompany.Sotheyharm
theirselfbykillingotherbeingsandtheyharmotherbeingswhodonotwishtobeharmedby
acceptingthesuggestionofthesadistwhorunsaroundtellingeveryonewhattheyperceiveis
reality.Thatissimplythewayofonewithemotionsandthewaysoftheconsciousaspect.Itis
notisolatedtorreligionitisuniversalallacrosstheboardineverysingletopicofdiscussionor

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fieldofunderstandingintheuniverse.Onemaynamethetopicandifoneswithemotionsare
involvedinthattopicandthatisexactlywhattheyaredoing.Theysimplyimply,ifyoudonot
conformtomyperceptionsinmyemotionalstateyourbadorgodorevilorstupidorIllkillyouif
youdontbelievewhatIperceive.Theyarebeyondevil.Eviltodescribetheirways,isa
compliment.Thatissimplywhatonedesirestobe.Theyclingtoemotionsandsotheyclingto
thestupidaspectofthemind.Oneisunabletoforcethem.Theyareunabletobereasoned
with.Theywillsimplytakeandsuggestionandturnitupsidedownandendupattacking.Andten
endupmakingitlookliketheoneswhomakethesuggestionistheonewhoisevil.Sothey
simplyareblindandtheyaresimplyunabletoknowwhattheydo.Theysimplyhavetosomehow
decidesubconsciouslytoletgoofemotionsandtheirconsciousaspectlovesemotionsandwill
attempttopersuadethem,AllyouneedloveorIwillkilleverylastoneofyou.Soitisa
impossibletasktoreachthem,SoIsimplytypesentencesandifsomeonefiguressomethingfrom
themthatstheirfault.ItsnotmyburdenIsimplytypewordstohelpmyselfunderstandthings
betterandIlearnmorefrommytypingthananyone.Iamsimplyattemptingtounderstand
myselfbettersincetheaccidentoffivemonthsagobecauseIamonlyabletolearnfurtherby
typingtomyself.Onemayevensuggestwhywouldyoupublishthebooks,ifyouarenot
speakingtoothers.Verysimple.Ipublishthebookstofurtherconditionmyselfawayfromthe
emotion,CareaboutwhatanyonethinksaboutanythingIsayaboutanything..Thatissimply
whatmypublishingis,emotionalconditioning.Onemayperceiveitisnot,andIwontarguewith
theirperception,butIwillnoteverarguewithmyperceptioneither.Iamconditioningmyselfby
publishingmywordswhetheronebelievesthatornot.ApparentlyIdecidedtodothatabout
threemonthsaftertheaccident.SoattheendofmarchIwillhavemoneytopublishthisbook.
AndIwill.Andifnoonebuysitthatdoesnotmatter.Isimplydecidedtopublishit.I
accomplishedwhatIdecidedtodo.ThenIunderstandIwillwriteanotherone.Ihavenoidea
whatIwilldiscuss,butIwillpublishanotherone.IwilldiscusswhatIalwaysdiscuss.Iunderstand
Iamsimplywritingthesamethingininfiniteways.Onewhoavoidsarabiddogavoidsrabies.I
attempttofollowmyownshadowofperception.

Iperceiveihadanaccidentanddiscoveredsomesortofvaluabletruthbasedonmyperception
oftruth,andiperceiveitisperhapsofvaluetosuggestittoothers.SoIpublishwhatIwritefor
thatreasonbutthevaluablereasontomeistoconditionmyselfawayfromemotions.

Theverynotionofatruevacuumisemptyspace.Theverysuggestionofvacuumsuggestitis
finite.Sothewordtruevacuumisautomaticallyinvalid.Oneisunabletodefineatruevacuum.A
truevacuumisemptyspaceandisinfiniteinscope.Ifthetruevacuumhadscopeitwouldnotbe
atruevacuum.Sotheobjectsinthetruevacuumaresimplyillusions.Thetruevacuumitselfis
nothing.Soitsimplyis.

Ijustwatchedthismilitarychannel.Itrequiresextremeselfcontrolmentallyformetokeep
perspectiveaboutthings.Imustcontinuallyremindmyselfitsallsimplyillusionsthatsarethere
totesttoseeifIcanmaintainmyselfcontrol.Iwatchthisshowanditisdemonstratinganew
handheldrocketlauncher.Anditgoesonabouthowfarawayitcandestroyatankfrom.Itgoes

278

onabouthowmuchtechnologyittakestocreatethis40,000dollarrocketthatcandestroya
tankfromsuchagreatdistance.Itsuggestitissuchanadvancedrocketanditissuchagreat
weaponanditssuggestmankindtrulyhasadvancedinthereunderstanding.Imustremind
myselftheyaresimplyillusions.Imustremindmyselftheyarenotrealandtheyarenotreally
thatFinggoddaminsane,thattheywouldreallymakeatelevisionshowandproclaimhow
technologicallyadvancedtheyareatkillingotherhumanbeings.ThereisnoFinggoddamwayin
FinghellthatanybeingcouldbethatFinginsanegoddamF.SoIremindmyselftheyaresimply
illusionsthatIdonotneedtogetupsetabout.Thereisnopossiblewaytheycouldpossiblybe
real.Imustremindmyselfthereisnowaythatanybeingcouldpossiblyencourageothertokill
othersandthenmakeashowandmakeitlooklikeitisprogresstobeabletokillotherswith
technology,andthemakeitsoundlikeitissomenobleenterprisethanoneshouldstriveto
accomplishinlife.IremindmyselfitisanillusionbecauseifIperceiveditwasnotanillusionfor
evenonesplitsecond,IwouldFingkilleverylastmotherFingemotionalmotherFingmentally
childabusingemotionallyencouraginghumanabominationintheentireFinguniverseandI
wouldmakesuretherewasnoemotionalbeingleftperiod.SoIremindmyselftheyaresimply
illusionsbecauseIwouldexhaustmyselfwithsomuchkillingifIeverperceivedtheywerenot
illusions,theemotionallyencouragingbrainwashedinsanebeingthatIperceiveareeverywhere.
IremindmyselfIamwisetokeepperspectiveandkeepselfcontrolatalltimeswhendealingthe
insaneemotionallyderangedabominationsIperceiveeveryday.Iunderstandthatthe
abominationsmaysuggestthatifonesuggestseverythingisanillusionthatisnegativeandthat
isharmful.Iremindmyselfthatisexactlywhytheyareabominations.Theyareemotionaland
onlyseeeverythingacurse.Theyareabominationando0nlyseethenegativeaspectto
everythingincludingtheirself.Theyonlyseeabominationbecausetheyareabominations.The
abominationlosttheirway,theylosttheirmind,theylosttheirperspective,theylosteverything
andnowtheywanderblindlyanddonothingbutharmtheirselfandattempttoharmasmanyas
theypossiblycanintheirqueststokilltheirself.Buttheabominationsareunabletodie.They
aresadists,theydesiretodie,thatiswhytheyharmtheirself.Theymaykilltheirselfbutthey
dontdie.Theyjustcontinuetogoincyclesandkilltheirselfinfinitetimesoverandoverinan
infinitecycles.Andtheyareblindsotheywouldneversuggestthatiswhattheydo.The
emotionalabominationsareallthesame,theyperceivetheyarenormal.Theyperceive
abominationisproperandnoneofthemarguewiththat.Theyperceivetheyarenormalsothey
gointotheworldandproclaimtheyarenormalandtheyfindwaystokilleachotherandfind
waystoharmeachotherwithwordsandlabelsandgunsandmoneyandjustS.Andasifthat
wasnotgroundstoexterminateeverylastoneofthem,theygoontelevisionandshowthe
childrenhowsmarttheyareandhowwisetheyareandhowifthechildrengetinlineproperly
andactliketheydo,thechildrenonedaywillbejustliketheyare.Theysaychildrenifyoudoas
wedoyoutoowillbelikeus.Andthechildrendonotwanttobelikeyou,butyouscoldthem
andinsultthemandharmtheirmindandharmtheirfeelingswhentheyattempttogetoutyour
goddamabominationways.Youputtheminasituationwheretheycannotwin.Youpunish
thembecausetheyremindyouofwhatyouFingnevergoddamFingwillbeever.Youmakeup
yourmindyouwilleitherconditionyourselfoutofemotionspermanentlynomatterwhatit

279

takesoryoumakeupyourmindtogetahugegunandblowyourFingbrainsout.Untilyoumake
thatdecision,donotFingsayanothergoddamwordevertoanyone,ever.
Iampleasedwithmyunderstanding.IampleasedwithwhatIunderstand.Iampleasedwithmy
progressioninunderstanding.

Therealitythateverythingisanillusionisnotwhattheemotionalabominationsperceive.The
realitythateverythingisanillusionisablessingbeyondunderstanding.Justbecausean
emotionalabominationisunabletograsphowaloserinlifeisabletowriteabookthathasmore
informationandwisdominitinonemonththanthatemotionalabominationwouldbeableto
comeupwithin,infinitelifetimes,doesnotmeanIamabnormal,itmeansIamnormal.Itmeans
Iamanormalhumanbeing.ItmeansIamaproperhumanbeingwithaproperfunctioningmind.
ItmeansIamwillingtohelpothersnomatterwhattheemotionalabominationssuggest,when
theysuggestwhoispropertohelpandwhoisnotpropertohelp.Ieatemotionalabominations
andIdonotjudgethecoloroftheirskin.IeatthemfreelyandIhavenohunger,soIeatthemfor
noreasonatall.Whenyouareanormalhumanbeingwithaproperfunctioningmind,Iwillbe
pleasedtospeakwithyou,untilthen,donotassumeIwantto.
Itispropertoappreciateanotherbeingitisanabominationtoloveanotherbeing.

Donotmakedecisionswhenyouareemotionalyouwillregretthem.
Ifonehasdesiresandcravingsandlustandgreedandloveandhateandarrogance,thereisonly
onedecisionthatoneiseverinalleternityabletomake.Baddecisions.

Ifonesleepseighthoursday,andhashungerandhasasenseoftime,theywillneverdo
anythinginalleternitybutmakeonebaddecisionafteranother,period.

Onlytheinsanewouldgooutandtrytocontrolillusionsandinsultillusionsandkillillusions
Andharmtheirselfintheirattemptstokillandinsultandcontrolandcovetotherillusions.The
sanewouldneverdosuchathing.Onlytheinsanewouldgotosuchgreatlengthstoattemptto
killandinsultandjudgeandridiculeandcontrolotherillusions.Theinsanewouldgotoany
lengthstokillanotherillusion.Thereisnolimitstowhattheinsanewoulddotocontroland
illusionitisunabletoevercontrol,thatisthenatureofinsanity.Theinsaneperceivethingsare
realandsotheydestroytheirselfandeveryonearoundthemintheirvainattemptstocontrol
theillusiontheyareneverabletocontrol.Sotheyareinsanebecausetheyperceiveitisreal.
Thatissimplywhytheyareinsane.Thisissimplywhyemotionalabominationgothroughtheir
wholelifeattemptingtomakeenoughmoneytobesatisfiedandthenwhentheylosetheirjob
theyperceivethereisnopointinlivingandtheykilltheirfamilyandtheirself.Thatiswhythe
insanegothroughtheirlifeandwhentheyloseajobandtheystartdrinkingandusingdrugs
becausetheyperceivetheylostsomething.Therealityis,theyneverlostanythingsotheyshould
notevenblinkaneye,yettheyareinsanesotheydestroytheirself.Theinsanegotogreat
lengthstodestroytheirselfovernothing.Entirearmiesarebuiltfromtheslavelaborofinnocent
citizensonthepremisethatarmywillsavesomeoneorwillbeabletocontrolsomething.Allthat
armywilldoisensuretheinnocentoffspringofthecitizensareruinedandturnedintokilling

280

machinethatareunabletolivewiththeirselfwhentheydiscovertheyhavelistenedtothe
insanewhoconvincedthemtokillotherbeingsfroinsanereasons.Sowhenthatinnocentyoung
beingunderstandstheyhavelistenedtoaninsanebeingthatsuggestedtheyshouldkillanother
humanbeing,thatinnocentyoungbeinggetsagunandblowstheirFingbrainsoutbecausethey
areunabletolivewiththemistaketheymade.Soeverytimeyouhearaboutasoldierfromany
countryblowingtheirFingbrainsout,youwillknowwhytheydo.Donotattempttothink.Do
notattempttodoubtwhatIjustsaid.Youjustfocusonattemptingtoblockyouremotions.Ido
notarguewithemotionsIkillthem.Thesoldierswhocomebackfromcombatanddonotblow
theirbrainsoutaretheoneswhoaresobrainwashedandsoinsane,theyactuallyperceivethey
didsomethingnoble.Theybelievetheyaresaneandtheybelievetheywoulddoitalloveragain
iftheyhadachance.Sotheykillotherbeingsandthenmakeupsomeinsanereasonthatitwas
justifiedandthentheyhavetogothroughtherestoftheirlyingtotheirself.Theyseetheir
buddiesdieanditkillstheminsideandtheyhate3warandtheydespisewarandthey
understandwarishellbuttheiremotionsneverallowthemtothinkproperly,sotheyfallback
asleepandendupgoingincirclesintheirmind.Becausetheyunlockedtheirsubconsciousand
attemptedtokillanotherbeingtheywouldbeunabletodoit.Theywouldbeblindedbythelight
ofthatotherbeing.Theywouldnotbeabletopullthetrigger.Theywouldbelikeadeerinthe
headlights.Theywouldallowthatotherbeingtokillthembeforetheywouldevenraisetheirgun
tothatotherbeing.Oneswithemotionswouldneverbelievethat,andthatisbecauseoneswith
emotionsonlymakebaddecisions,andcometobadconclusions,andsimplyareabominationsto
thehumanrace.

Thethingaboutunlockingsubconsciousisthatoneunderstandseverythingandunderstands
howimportanteverythingisandwhentheyseeoneswithemotionsdoingwhattheydo,itkills
them.Itmentallykillstheminfinitetimeseveryday.Theyaretrappedinthissupernatural
understandingabilityandwhentheyseetofar,theybecomeveryangrybuttheyareunableto
becomeangrysoitturnsintosomesortoftorture.OneswithemotionsperceivethingsIwritein
thisbookproveIamemotional,yetifyoumetmeyouwouldseeIamnotemotionaleverandI
onlyencourageothers.Sowhatyouarereallyreadingisnotmetalkingtoyou.Iamworking
thingsoutinmymindandIamstrugglingbecauseeverytimeIcometonewconclusionsitharms
mementally.Sowhatyouarereadingiswhathellis.Hellisunderstandingeverythingandthen
watchingoneskilleachotherandknowingtheyknownotwhattheydo.Andknowingtheydoit
fornoreasonatall.SoeverydayItypemyfingersoffandpeoplethinkIwanttomakemoney
andIwantbepopularbutinrealityIwasjustwanttostopthehell.Sonowyousee3whybeing
grabontoemotionsandholdontightlybecauseonlymaturebeingscouldeverhandlewhatthe
subconsciousmindiscapableof.SointypingsometimesIhitanunderstandingandmybodyand
mymindisunabletohandleitsoIshedtearsforamomentbecauseifIhadnowaytoshedmy
anguishthroughtears,mybodywouldsimplydie.SodontyouthinkIamsomegreatthing.And
dontyouthinkthatIdidthisonpurpose.Itwasgoddamaccidentanditwassimplythat.

Withinfiniteunderstanding,comesinfinitesorrowandinfinitefortitude.

281

Thetearsmakemestronger,thesorrowmakesmemorededicated,theanguishremindsmeof
whatIam.IhavemomentswhereIhavereservationsaboutpublishingthisbookandthenI
remindmyself,IamToddAndrewRohrerandIanswertonoonebutmyselfever.Ifyouarea
parentandyoushieldyourchildfromreadingthisbookbecauseithascusswordsyouperceive
areevil,youremindyourselfyouareanabominationandareunabletomakeanythingbutbad
decisions.

IremindallhumanbeingtonevereverdoanythingIsuggestunlesstheyperceivethisiswhat
theyshoulddo,ofcourseonewithasenseoftimeisonlyabletomakebaddecisions,sonow
youunderstandthesituationanditscomplexity.Otherswords,neverlistentowhatIsuggest,
listentoyourconscienceandneverlistentoyourconscience.Thatstherealityofthesituation.
Soyouunderstandwhyinfinitebooksarerequired.Youmayperceivepublishingthreebooksin
twomonthsisquiteanaccomplishmentbutIwouldhavemanymorebookspublishedbynowifI
hadmoney.SonowbythetimeitisApril1st,thisbookwillbeover200,000wordsandthethey
willcharge60bucksforthebookandnoonewillbuyitforthatpriceeventhoughIdonoteven
getmuchmoneyforthebook,andsotheonlypeoplethatwillevenbeabletoreaditarethe
oneswhoIgiveittofreelyandtheoneswhocanletgooftheiremotionalcravingsformoney
andbuythesixdollarelectronictextversion.AndsothenIwillstartanotherbookandIwillhave
towaitanotherfullmonthtopublishitandthenthatbookwillbemuchlargerthanthisbook
andthenthatbookwillbemuchmoreexpensive.Andsooneswhoareunabletoletgooftheir
emotionalcravingformoneywillcertainlynotbuythisbooknotbecauseitisnotproperreading
materialbutbecausetheyareunabletoletgooftheirdesireformoney.SoIgetFedalltheway
aroundandIampleased.Iamnotinitforthemoneyorthefameoranythingelseputto
monologuetomyselftocometofurtherunderstandings.ApparentlyIdecidedtowritebutIhave
notstartedtowriteyetyoumayjustperceiveIhave.IdonotperceiveIamsayinganythinginmy
bookstobeashamedofbecauseIdonotperceiveIamwritinganybooks.SothenIremind
myselfeveryhumanbeingisdoingjustperfectandsimplydoingthebesttheycan,justlikeme.
Beforeanybeingeveragaingoesaroundsuggestinghowdifficulttheirphysicalsituationisor
theirmaterialisticsituationisremindyourselftheonlyreasonyoufocusonmaterialistic
problemsisbecauseyourmindstoppedworkingwhenyouwereabouttwoyearsoldwhenyour
parentsbrainwashedyouintoemotionsanddestroyedyourmind.Onemayassumeaproperly
functioningbrainisonewhereeverythingmakessenseandisniceandsequentialandeasilyto
manage.Andonewhohasaproperlyfunctioningbrainneverliesorneverdoesanythingbador
saysanycusswordsoreverstepsoutofthenormsbasedonsocietiesnorms.Therealityis,the
onewhoperceiveseverythingisjustcomfortandluxuryasfarasmentalthoughtsissimply
detectingtheyhavenobrainfunction.Theyhaveeliminatethebrainfunctiontosuchadegree
thatitissimplynotabrainanymore.Itissimplynotahumanbrainanymore.Itsimplyhasso
manyrootsandblocksandhindrances,itisworkingatabout.0000000001%ofitscapacityand
peopleassumethatisanormalperson.IfinditquitehumorousincontrasttohowAIusedtobe
withemotions.IrecallyearsagoIthoughttomyself,onedayIwillcomeupwithasentenceof
wisdom,likeaquoteofwisdomsomehow.Irecallthatvividlynow.IrecallhowIattemptedto
thinkofsomethingofwisdomorofwisevalueinrelationtojustonesentenceandIrememberI

282

couldnotdoit.Irecallitwaslikethehardestthingintheworldtodo,andnotIunderstandI
detectedhowcloggedmybrainsfunctionwas.Iunderstandifittookme,inthisstateofmind
morethanonedaytomasteranyscienceoranymathoranytopicintheuniverseIwouldbe
impressedwiththattopic.Collegeatthispointoffersmenochallenge.Whatoffersme
challenge?Nothingoffersmechallenge.Alltheeducationinstitutionsinthisworldaresimply
pasttimesfortheoneswhohavenobrainfunctionasaresultofemotions.Soifanyhuman
beingintheuniversehasaproblemtheywantssolvedcontactmeandIwillsolveitinfarunder
anhourandthenyoudonothavetoeverthinkagainIwilldoitforfreejustsoIhavesomething
todo.WhatelsedoIhavetod,Iunderstandeverythingthereistounderstand.Iunderstand
everythingIreadandeveryideaIhearandsoIcansimplymakeinfiniteinventionsintoinfinity
anditwouldneverstop.Iwouldmake50inventionsaday.Iwouldwrite50booksaday,butI
havetotypethemoutandthenIhaveproofreadthemsotheoneswithnobrainfunctioncan
graspthem.Somaybeyoucangetanideaofhowpowerfulthesubconsciousmindiswhenitis
workingproperlyasitshouldbeonceoneblocksemotionsforthreemonthsorsoandletsgoof
theyokeofdesireandcravingandmaterialisticcrapthatonlyexciteemotionsandfurtherhinder
thesubconsciousmind.AllIcandoiswritebooks.Whatisthedifference,nohumanbeingout
theirisgoingbeabletodoanythingbutlearnfromme.Iunlockedmysubconscioustosuchan
extremeevenoneswhounlocktheirsubconsciouswillstillcometomeforadvice.Thatisjust
realitynow.Thereisnoonewhocanadviseme.Therearethosewhoattempttoandtheysimply
arereducedtolisteningandbecomingmoresubconsciousdominate.Anemotionalbeingwould
suggestIamarrogant.Butissimplythewaysoftheinsane,theyareunabletograspwhat
subconsciousislikebecausetheyonlyuse.000000001%oftheirbraintobeginwith.Thatisthe
biggestnumberIcanputupthereandstilllivewithmyself.IhavecontrastofhowIusedtobe.
SoIamsayingIhavealwaysbeenlikethis,butnowIamlikethis,andnowhereIam.I
understandIammostharshinmybooks.Iunderstandmybooksarefortheoneswhomean
business.SomeoneIgaveafreecopyofmybookintextfileto,andIdothisfreelybecauseI
perceivethediscoveryismoreimportantthanmemakingafewbucks.Hewrotemeaftertwo
daysandhesaid,whenyourthirdbookisdonewillyousendmeacopyofthetextfile.AndIsaid
Yes,ThankYou.Becausethatisahumanbeingwhohasfortitude.Idonotrememberwhoheis
asfaraswhereImethim,butIcertainlydidnotgettowhereIamatmentallybybeingagreedy,
snobbish,stuckup,arrogantfoolwhoonlycaresaboutmoneyandmaterialthingsandinsanity.I
strippedmyminddownsofar,thatallthatisleftissubconscious.Whateveryouperceive
happenedtome,Iwillnotarguewithit,butIknowexactlywhathappenedtome,sodontargue
withit.
Iamonlyagainstpeoplewhosuggestloveshouldnotbeblockedfully.

Okaynewday.March242009.Yesterdayswritingwasadisaster.Ifeelbettertoday.ThankYou.

EverythingIsaidinthisbookupuntilthispointignoreandignorethissentencebutnottheones
afterit.
Thereismoretotheonionthanitsskins.

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onehasadesireforknowledgebutbecausetheyhavedesire,theyareunabletounderstand
whattheknowledgeistheyseek.
onewithdesiresmightsuggestblockingemotionsfullytoreachwhattheyseekisabaddecision,
butthatisbecauseonewithemotionsisonlycapableofbaddecisions.Donotmakedecisions
whenyouremotionalyouwillregretthem
soonehastogoagainstwhattheyfeelisabaddecisionanddoitanyway
subconsciouslyoneisaseeker,buttheemotionsmaketheconsciousthedecisionmakeruntil
theemotionsareblockedenoughtomakethesubconsciousthedecisionmaker
Theconclusiontheconsciousmakesareillusions,itmightsuggestloveisalloneneeds,andthat
isproofitonlymakesbaddecisions.
onemayhearasongandsayihatethatsong,thatisasignoneneedstolistentoitinfinitely,
thatisthestruggle
theselfcontrolisdoingthingtheconscioussuggestsoneshouldnotdo,formanyreason,thisis
boring,thisisstupid,thissoundsbad...soonehastobeawareofthatangoagainsttheadviceof
theconsciousaspect
moneyisastrongconditioningmethodbecausemostwhoareconsciousbasedofemotional
basedclingtoit,sowhenonegivesatipgivealittlemore,whenonedesirestosavemoney,
avoidthat,thisisnotsuggestingonethrowallthemoneyway,thisissuggestingletgoofalittle
morethanyouwantto
oneneedsselfcontroltoremaininthemiddleorthemiddleway,oneneedsnotstarvetodeath,
onesimplyeatsfoodtheyhateoreatsfoodtheydislike
theprogressiononcestartedwillgrowstrongerandeventuallyallemotionswillbesilencedall
cravingwillbesilenced,onewillhavenothingnesssotospeakinrelationtodeiresandcraving
causedbyemotions
itsisaccumulative

Asocietyhastobeinastateoffewemotionstoinventthenumeralzero.Thenumeralzerois
onlyabletobeinventedinasocietythathasfewemotionsbecausethenumeralzeroisabsentof
judgment.Thenumeralzeroiswithoutjudgmentorwithoutsin.TheRomansdidnotusethe
numeralzerointheirnumberingsystemforthatreason.

AstheHindudecimalzeroanditsnewmathematicsspreadfromtheArabworldtoEuropein
theMiddleAges,wordsderivedfromifrandzephyruscametorefertocalculation,aswellas
toprivilegedknowledgeandsecretcodes.WIKIPEDIA.COM

thatisuniversal,onecaneatallfoodsbecauseonelosessenseoftasteandsoonehasapalette
offoodtoeat,yetonehasnohunger
<+Lestat9>sothenothingnessstateisuntoitself
<+Lestat9>lossofdesiresandcravingmeanseverythingworksitselfoutbydefaultsothe
struggleisgone

284

Themeaningoflifeis:
Onesgoalinlifeistounlocksubconscious.Thisisachievedthroughselfcontrol.Whatones
desiresandcravesiswhatoneneedsselfcontroltoavoiduntilthesubconsciousisunlocked.
Whatonedislikesandhatesoneneedsselfcontroltoembracethosethings.Thissimplymental
conditioningencouragesthesubconsciousaspectofthemindandsilencestheemotional
consciousaspectofthemind.
Onegoalinlifeistounlockthesubconsciousaspectofthemindthroughselfcontrolormental
conditioning.Sothestruggleisnotaboutthephysicalworlditisabattleofonesmind.Thebattle
iswithinbecausethesubconsciousiswithin.Iamfeelingbettertoday.ThankYou.

Iamonlyagainstpeoplewholoveandsuggestothersshouldlove.Sothebattleisnotabattle
becauseitissimplyanocontest,forme.
IprefertoknowtheoutcomesoIdonotneedtobotherwiththebattle.
IprefertoknowtheanswersoIdonotneedtobotherwiththequestion.
MyNameisToddAndrewRohrer,mylastnameispronouncedroar,likealion.
Thevenomofthedarkestviperactsswiftly.
IsubmitIammentallywoundedasaresultoftheaccidentandImeannoharm.ThankYou.
Iamonlyagainstbeingsthatbelieveloveisimportant,andloveisapartoflife,andthatloveis
neededforeverybeing.Iamonlyagainstbeingthattellotherbeingsloveisimportant,andlove
isapartoflife,andthatloveisneededforeverybeing.IunderstandthepeopleIamagainstare
notinfiniteinnumber,soIunderstandthecontestformewillbenocontestatall.Ipromiseyou
that.
IswifterIgetawayfromthisbookandthewordsinittheswifterIcanstartanewbookand
attemptagain.IhavesevendaystillIcanletthisbookgosoImustbepatientanddiligent
becausethesevendayswillbeoverquicklyeventhoughIperceivethatisinfinitetime.
Loveisallyouneedtoavoid.
Thevenomofthedarkestviperinthedarkestcavecaststhefirststoneofjudgment.

Thosewhoprepareformentaldeathwelcomementallife.

Thosewhoprepareformentallifewelcomementaldeath.
Thosewhoknowtheyknowwelcomeisolation.
Thosewhoquestionwhattheyknowalwayshaveroomtogrow.
TheAIDSvirusisasymptomofwhatdesirescanleadto.Onedesiressex.Sosomedesiresexa
greatdeal.Thisdesireleadsthatonetohavesexwithmanyothers.Thisalsoencouragesthe
manyotherstodesiresex.SothedesireitselfforsexitselfwhatAIDSisasymptomof.Onemust
notassumethatanotherwhohasmanywivesisasexfiend.Thatissimplywhatonewhohas
emotionsandthusjudgmentperceivesmustbethecase.Onewithoutemotionswhohasmany
wivesissimplyconditioningtheirselfawayfromtheirdesireformoney.Theyarebringingalarge
burdenofexpenseontotheirselfinordertoletgooftheirdesireformoney,andthuscondition
theirselfawayfromemotionsinordertofurtherunlocksubconscious.Onewithnoemotionsis

285

unabletohavetheemotions,desire.Soonewithnoemotionshasnocravingforsex.Soonewith
noemotionswouldonlyhavesexifonewithnoemotionsdecidedtohaveanoffspring.Nature
inventedreproductionforthesolepurposeofhavingoffspring.Naturedidnotinvent
reproductionforthepurposeofsex.Sexistheresultofbeingswhohaveemotionsandthushave
turnedthesimplyaspectofreproductionintosomesortofabominationofreproduction.One
withemotionsandthusdesiresandcravingmayperceivesexitselfissomegreatthingthey
shouldstrivetohaveasmuchofaspossible.Thatisbecauseonewithemotionsjudgestheirown
selfbasedondelusions.Onewithemotionsisnever,ever,everabletomakeanythingbutbad
delusionalbaseddecisions.Itsimplyis.Oneshouldavoidmakingdecisionswhentheyhave
emotionsbecausetheywillonlyendupwithbaddecisions.Thereisnosuchthingasagood
decisionifonehasemotions.Thereneverhasbeenandthereneverwillbeagooddecision
comingfromonewhohasemotions.Itissimplyimpossibleforonewithemotionstoevermake
anythingbutbaddecisions.Onewithemotionsperceivetherearesomegooddecisionsthey
havemadeandsomebaddecisionstheyhavemade.Butonewithnoemotionsunderstandsthey
aresimplyvaryingdegreesofbaddecisions.SothecureforAIDSisnotmedicallykillingAIDS,the
cureforAIDSistoencourageeveryonetoblocktheiremotionstothepointtheyunlocktheir
subconsciousandthuswilllosetheirdesiresandcravingstohavesomuchsexthatissimplya
symptomofdesireandcravings,andthentheonlytimepeoplewillhavesex,iswhentheydecide
tohaveoffspringofonceinawhileonthespurofthemoment.ThatisthecureforAIDSsoallof
thismoneythathasbeeninvestedinattemptingtocureavirus,issimplyasymptomandproof
ofanotherbaddecisiononeswithemotionsareonlyabletomake.Passingoutcondomsand
thensuggestingloveisallyouneedandthensuggestingemotionsareneededtoexistissimply
proofofanotherbaddecisiononeswithemotionsareonlycapableofmaking.Onewith
emotionshavesignedupforajobcalledbaddecisionsandbadconclusionsandbadjudgment
andtheydothatjobperfectlywelleverysingletime.
Remindyourselfyourdecisiontoletgoofemotionstounlocksubconsciousisthemost
importantdecisionyouwillevermakeinthehistoryofmankind.Sowhenyoudoityouwill
understandwhoyouareandwhatyouaremadeof.
Sooneiswisetoavoidcomingtoanyconclusionsaboutme,oraboutmymotivations,orabout
whotheythinkIam,orwhotheythinkIamsuggestingIam,becausenomatterwhatonewith
emotionsconcludes,itwillsimplybeanotherbadconclusion,anditwillsimplyleadtoanother
baddecision.
IhavenoemotionssoIamabletoonlymakegooddecisionsandcometogoodconclusionssoI
willhavemercyonyourpoordecisionmakingabilitiesandIwilltellyouwhathappenedtomeso
youwillnottortureyourselfattemptingtofiguremeout.Isimplyconditionedmyselfoutof
emotionsbyaccidentastheresultofplayingavideogametoanextremeandinturnunlocked
mysubconsciousaspectofmymindfully.Nowyoucanthrowoffyourmentalyokeandmental
struggleinattemptingtounderstandwhatmyaccidentmeans.
Whatisonmyplateis,Imadeanaccidentaldiscovery.Iunderstanditwillchangethewholeof
mankind.Iunderstanditisproperformetocommunicatethisdiscoverytootherhumanbeing
becausetheyareapartoftheraceofhumanbeingsIamapartof.Iunderstandthisdiscoveryis
noteasytoexplaintoallhumanbeingsbecauseitisoutofthenormsofwhathumanbeings

286

perceiveisnormal.Iunderstandthatissometimeswhatadiscoveryis,itisoutoftherealmsof
whatisconsiderednormalthinking.IunderstandIamnotdissuadedbythehumanraceortheir
doubtsaboutthisdiscovery.Iamfocusedonmyonlygoalwhichistowritebooksandtalkabout
thediscovery.Iamfocusedonthegoaltowritebooksandmentionhowonecanunlocktheir
subconscious.Allothergoalsinmylifearemeaninglesscomparedtothosegoals.Isimplyam
goingtoexplainthisdiscovery.IunderstandIamtheonlyonewhocanexplainitbecauseIam
theonlyonethatithappenedto.Anyoftheconclusionsanyotherhumanbeingmakesin
regardstomeorinregardstoanyargumentwithanythingIsuggestinrelationtothediscoveryis
foolishnessanddelusions.Iamtheonlyonewhotheaccidenthappenedto,soIamtheonlyone
whoisabletoexplainitproperly.
Onsecondthought.Ifoneunlockstheirsubconsciousbyblockingemotionsonewillperceive
everyoneasbeautybecausetheywilllosetheirabilitytotellwhatisbeautifulandwhatisnot
beautiful.Soonewillseeeveryoneasbeautyandasabeingoflightandsoonewillhaveno
bonesaboutwhotheywouldandwouldnothavesexwithsotheentireworldwillturninto
essentiallyonehugeorgyandsothenAIDSwilltakeofflikearocketsothenthelastthing
anyonewantstodoisturntheothercheekondesiresandangerandhateanddesirestopay
backothers.Andthelastthinganyonewantstodoistosubmittohumiliationandsubmitto
othersinsultsandthelastthinganyonewantstodoisbemeekaboutothersandbehumble
aboutothersandthelastthinganyonewantstodoistouseselfcontroltoblockemotionsto
avoidsufferingbecausetheonlythinganyonewilldoiftheydouseselfcontroltoblock
emotionsandavoidsufferingistheywillsufferandnotbeawareofit.Sotheworstthinganyone
candoisunlocksubconsciousbecausethentheywillbeoutofcontrolandsooneshouldstrive
toinsultandkillandharmotherssotheyeliminatethechancetheymayunlocksubconscious.
ThatishowIseeitnow.SotakemyadvicedonotdoanythingIsuggestandlookatmeasan
idiotandfoolforeversuggestingoneblockstheiremotionstounlocksubconscious.The4last
personwhocanproperlyexplaintheaccidentisthepersonwhotheaccidenthappenedto
becausethepersonwhotheaccidenthappenedtoisinastateofmentalshockcausedbythe
accident.
TheonlypeopleIamagainstarepeoplewhosuggestloveIsnotimportantandloveisnot
neededinlife.
Remindyourselftheauthorismentallyinjuredasaresultoftheaccidentandmeansnoharm.
Aproperauthorkeepsthereaderguessingforever.
Properdramaiswhentheobserverofthedramaneverhearstheending.
IwaswatchingthemilitarychannelanditwastalkingabouttheassaultonMonteCasino.A
soldierontheGermansidesuggestedduringthebattletheysuggestedtheBritishtroopslend
themtwostretcherstohelptheirwounded.TheBritishtroopssuggesttheywould,sobothsides
toppedfiringsotheBritishcouldgetthetwostretcherstotheGermansidesotheGermans
couldhelptheirwounded.Socommonsoldiersendedthewarbytheirselfbutonlyforaminute
ortwobecauseoncethestretcherswerereceivedtheGermansoldierintheshowsuggestedthe
Britishsniperswouldpickoffanyoneiftheyraisedtheirhead.So,thecommonsoldiersended
thewarforaminuteortwobutthenthefacttheyonlyuse.00000001%oftheirbrainbecause
theyhaveemotionskickedbackin,andthusthewarstartedagain.Theymadeabaddecision

287

again.Thatsalloneswithemotionsevermake.Therealityis,theybelievedtheoneswho
suggestedtheyshouldgotowartobeginwith.OnecansayHitlerstartedthewarsoheisto
blame,butinrealityHitlerstartedthewarbecausepeoplebelievedhimwhenhesuggestedthey
shouldgotowar,sothepeoplewhobelievedhimaretheoneswhostartedthewar.Allieswho
wenttowaragainstHitlerstartedthewarbecausetheybelievedHitlerwasatwar.Soallthe
peopleundertheallieswhobelievedtheirleaderswhentheysaidHitlerwasatwaralsocaused
thewar.SotheneverypersonwhobelievedHitlerwhenhesaidhewillgotowar,areevery
personwhofoughtthatwarindirectlyordirectly,theyaretheonesatfaultforthewar,period.
Soanyonewhodiedinthatwarkilledtheirselfanyonewhodiedinthatwarencouragedothers
tokilltheirself.Stupidityandinsanitybegetsstupidityandinsanity.Allofthatiscausedby
emotions.YoucangoonallyouwantandwriteinfinitebooksaboutwhatIjustsaidiswrong,
andwhenyouarefinishedyoucallmeandIwillconvinceyouarethemostinsaneFingbeingin
thehistoryoftheuniverseandyouwillagree.
TheonebeingswhoweremoreevilthanHitlerwereeverysinglebeingwhobelievedhiminthe
entirewar,whichincludestheAlliestheRussians,Hitler,Germans,Italy,anyonewhobelieved
HitlerwasmoreevilthanHitlerincludingHitler.
Idonotwantonehumanbeingevertosay,IreadyourdocumentsandIamhappywithwhat
youtellmetodo.becauseIwillrespondyoureanidiotfortakingmywordforanything.You
makeupyourownmindandkeepmetheFoutit.IamjustsayingsentencesthatIdonoteven
rememberthreeminutesafterIwritethem.IdonotrememberonesentenceIwroteinthefirst
bookthesecondbookandIwillnotrememberthissentenceIamtypingrightnowafterIputa
periodonit.
Letslookat9/11sincepeoplealmostfigureditoutbutthentheywentbacktotheirbad
decisionsagain.Theyalmostmadeagooddecision.TheyALMOSTdid,buttheydidnt.
Itisallrelativity.Einsteinsaidthewordspookyisthatnotenoughforonetogetthehint.
Onebeingsuggestedtoagroupofbeings9/11shouldhappen.Thatgroupofbeingsbelieved
thatandso9/11happened.Sothen9/11happenedandonebeingsaidretaliationshould
happen,somanybeingsbelievedthat,somanybeingkilledtheirselfandkilledindirectlymany
otherbeingsbecauseonebeingsuggested9/11shouldhappenandotherbeingbelievedit.But
thenitgoesdeeper.Onebeingsuggestedtheonebeingwhosuggested9/11shouldhappened,
wasabadbeingindirectly.Thatiswhytheonebeingwhosuggested9/11shouldhappen,
suggested9/11shouldhappen.Butitgoesdeeperthanthat.Onebeing,suggestedtotheone
being,whosuggestedtotheonebeing,whosuggested9/11shouldhappen,thattheonebeings
religionwhosuggested9/11shouldhappen,wasanimproperreligion.Andtheonebeing
believedthat.Itgoesdeeperthanthat.OnebeingsuggestedsomethinglikeIKNOWandsince
theneverythinghasbeenFedbecauseinsanebeingbelievedthemwhenthatinitialbeingsaidI
KNOW(WHATEVER).SotheabominationswithemotionsFtheirselfonadailybasis,andthey
loveitbecausetheyareFingsadists.SobeforeyoueversaytheleadergotusintoIraqandgotus
intothiswholewaronterrorS,remindyourFinginsaneself,YOUthevotersdemanded
retributionfor9/11andtheleaderbelievedyourFinginsaneasses.Andfortheoneswhodidnot
suggestretribution,youdidnot,notsuggestretribution,loudenough.AsformeIwas
attemptingtokillmyselfbyslittingmywristsforaboutthetenthtime,rightaboutthetimeof

288

9/11soIwilldeclareshenanigans.SoyounowyouunderstandIamjustadepressedloserand
worthlessandnotworthlisteningtoandallthesewordsIhavetypedarecopywrittenandmy
originalthoughtsbutIsimplygotluckyandhappenedtomakesomeofthemappearlike
wisdom.
Iampleasedwithmyunderstanding.Iampleasedwithmyprogressioninunderstanding.Iam
pleasedIhavenevervotedinmylifeandIampleasedIwillnevervoteinmylife.Ifyouhavean
argumentwiththatyoucallmeandIwillconvinceyouareinsanetoevervote,andyouwill
agree.
Allvotersdidafter9/11iskillinnocentyoungoffspringofAmericabecausetheyhavenoself
controlandnofortitudetotakethepainlikeamaturebeingdoes.Soallvotersarebeingswith
noselfcontrolandtonsofemotionsandabominationstohumankind.Ifyoudisagreewiththat,
callmeandIwillconvinceyou,areaninsaneabominationtomankind,andyouwillagreewith
me.IampleasedthatIwatchedthatshowinpartonthemilitarychannelbecauseitincreased
myunderstandingofwhoIamdealingwith.
Thefunniestthinginlifeisme,aslongasyourdefinitionofmeisus,aslongasyourdefinitionof
usisgod,aslongasyourdefinitionofgodissubconscious,aslongasyourdefinitionof
subconsciousisinsanity,aslongasyourdefinitionoflifeisanillusion.
IampleasedtoknowIhavenevervotedforanyofthisSandIneverwillvoteforanyofthisS.I
willstarttovotewhenthereissomethingbesidesbaddecisions,submittedbyinsaneemotional
abominationsofmankindwhoonlysubmitbaddecisionstovoteon.

Wherenocounselis,thepeoplefall,butinthemultitudeofcounselorsthereissafety"
ProverbsXI/14.
IwilltranslatethissinceyouareinsanewithemotionsandunabletounderstandtheTorah.
Theonlyfoolisonewholetsothersmaketheirdecisionsforthem.
Theonlyfoolisonewhovotestoallowotherstomakedecisionsforthem.
Thegreatestfoolisonewhobelieveswhatanotherhumansaysandavoidstrustingtheirown
beliefs.
Remindyourselfthenexttimeyoumentionwhatkindofmusicyoulikeordislikeyouaresimply
provingyouareajudgmentalabominationastheresultofhavingemotions.SoIwilladviseyou
onrealitysoyouwillnotlooklikesuchaninsaneabominationasaresultofhavingemotions.All
musiciscenteredaroundtheDnoteandallhumanbeingswhocreatemusic,areperfectbeings,
andallmusicperfectbeingswhocreatemusic,cancreateisperfectmusic,andallbeingswho
singinmusicaresingingperfectly,sonowyouunderstandallmusicisperfectandisunabletobe
anythingbutperfect.
Ifyoustoplookingatme,iwillattempttostopnoticingit
IampleasedtounderstandIhaveone,NOTafan.
Iamonestepclosertocreatinga,NOTafan,club.
Reversepsychologyistheproperwaytoreverseonespsychology.
Ireceivedmyfirsttwobooksinthemailtodayaspartofthepublishingpackagedeal.Ireadthe
firstfewpagesofeachanddeterminedIneededtochangemynameswiftly.Afriendinthevideo
gamesaidinEnglandonecansimplyuseapennamesoIsuggestedIshouldseekcitizenshipin

289

EnglandswiftlyandhesuggestedAmericaisbettersostaythere,andthenIunderstoodAmerica
isbetterifonedoesnotwishtochangetheirnameswiftly.Soifanyoneasksandnomatterwhat
thebookssuggestsIamtellyoumynameisNOTTODDANDEREWROHRERsodonotaskmeif
IamTODDANDREWROHRERbecausenowyouunderstandIamNOTTODDANDREWROHRER.
Andanotherthing,thisbookssuggestsitisvolumethreebutjustsoyouknowitisreallyvolume
zero,butonlyreaderswhogetthisfarknowthat,sokeepitasecret.Ifanyonesuggeststhey
havereadvolumethreeyouwillunderstandtheyhavenot.
Ifyouareaparentwithemotionsandasenseoftime,youshouldkickyourchildrenoutofthe
housesotheydonotbecomelikeyou.Ifyouareaparentanddecidedtoblockemotionsto
unlocksubconsciousandloseemotions,thenyoushouldkeepyourchildrenathome,sothey
becomelikeyou.
Hereismyposition.Ihateallthingsingeneral,butIequallyloveallthingsingeneral.
Myinfinitewrathpotentialboughtmysecondbookandaskedmetosignit,afterreadingthe
firstfewpagesshesuggestedIerasemynamefromit,IremindedherIneversigneditinthefirst
placeandshesuggestedIwastrulywise.
WhenmygirlsuggestsIamwise,Ishowhermybooks,andshetakesbackthebooksaswellas
thecomment.
WhenthewholeworldsuggestsIamwise,mygirlremindsmethatIamsimplydelusional.
WhenIamconvincedIaminsane,myblacklabpuppylexiedragsmudintothehouse,andI
understandIhaveroomforimprovement.
ThisguyIchattedwithsuggestedhefeltwhatIsuggestedassistedhimtounderstandsoIam
runningwithitandprintingithere.
[19:25]<+Two`Face>doyoubelieveGodexists?
<Heimdall>Yes
[19:26]<Heimdall>Goddoesexist
[19:27]<Heimdall>Ieasytoprove
[19:27]<Heimdall>its
[19:28]<Heimdall>iproveiteasilyinmythirdbook
[19:28]<Heimdall>icanproveiteasilyinthischannel
[19:28]<Heimdall>soitseasilyproven
[19:34]<+Two`Face>okproveit.
[19:35]<Heimdall>Thewordggffjnowmeansapple
[19:35]<Heimdall>ggffj
[19:35]*hoochsetsmode:+vHeimdall
[19:35]<+Heimdall>youhadapictureofanappleinyourmind
[19:36]<+Heimdall>soibrainwashedyou
[19:36]<+Heimdall>ifisuggestyouaresmartyouwillperceiveyouaresmart,soibrainwashed
you
[19:36]<+Two`Face>howdoesthatprovegodexists?
[19:37]<+Heimdall>IfisuggestyouarealoserandthengiveyouascoreofFonatestyouwill
perceiveyouarealoserandwhenyouseethatFwhichsomeonessuggestsmeansyouraloser,
youwillbelievetheteacherandtheonewhocreatedthegradescale

290

[19:37]<+Heimdall>sotheybothbrainwashyou
[19:38]<+Heimdall>areyoualoser?ohdidyoujustbelievesomeonewhosuggestedyouarea
loser
[19:38]<+Heimdall>or
[19:39]<+Heimdall>ifisuggestthewordcatisspelledcate,isthewordcatspelledcate?andif
notisthewordcatspelledcat,ordidyoujustbelievesomeonewhosuggestedthewordcatis
spelledcat
[19:40]<+Heimdall>amiloserinyourmindifispellthewordcat,cate?
[19:40]<+Heimdall>iperceiveiamnotaloserifispellthewordcat,cate
[19:41]<+Two`Face>youavoidmyquestion
[19:41]<+Two`Face>howdoesthatproveGodexists?
[19:41]<+Heimdall>Becauseitproveshumancandoanythingtheywanttodo,andsothat
proveshumanbeingsaregod
[19:42]<+Heimdall>sothatprovestheirisagodandweareit
[19:42]<+Heimdall>doyouperceivehumanswilleverstopunderstandingnewthings?
[19:43]<+Heimdall>Infiniteunderstandingmeansonewhounderstandsintoinfinity
[19:44]<+Heimdall>sothatmeanswecreatedourbiologicalselfandtheuniversesimplytohave
somethingtounderstand
[19:44]<+Heimdall>andwhatwecreatedisbeyondourownunderstanding
[19:44]<+Heimdall>sothatsiswhatgodisinfiniteunderstandingsogodisbeyonditsown
understanding
[19:44]<+Heimdall>godisunabletounderstanditself
[19:45]<+Heimdall>thatswhatweare,weseeallthesethingsandcantfigureitallout
[19:45]<+Heimdall>thatsperfectbecausenowwehavethingstounderstand
[19:45]<+Heimdall>whatelsearewegoingtodoallthereis,isinfinity
[19:46]<+Heimdall>thereissimplyinfiniteunderstandingandthatleadstomoreinfinite
understanding
[19:46]<+Heimdall>anythingyoucanthinkofitwillleadtomoreunderstanding
[19:46]<+Heimdall>thatsisallthatishappening
[19:47]<+Heimdall>ihadanaccidentanddiscoverediunlockedmysubconscioussoiwrite
books
[19:47]<+Heimdall>soiunderstandiwritebooksnow
[19:47]<+Heimdall>youunderstandiwritebooksnow
[19:47]<+Heimdall>nowyoumaybecuriousabouttheaccident
[19:47]<+Heimdall>soiwilltellyouandyouwillfurtherunderstand
[19:47]<+Heimdall>thatisallthereistodo
[19:48]<+Heimdall>understandmore
[19:48]<+Heimdall>thetrickistoblockemotionstoopenupthesubconscioussooneisableto
understandswiftly
[19:48]<+Heimdall>thatisnotmeaningonewithemotionsisbad
[19:49]<+Heimdall>thatsimplymeansonewithoutemotionsunderstandsmoreswiftlybutboth
understand,soneitherisgoodorbad

291

[19:49]<+Heimdall>bothunderstandeventually,thatsthegoal
[19:49]<+Heimdall>good
[19:50]<+Heimdall>ifisuggestiwillsendyoumysecondbookinemailyouwillunderstand
swiftly,ifnotyouwillunderstandeventually,sobotharejustperfectbecausetheybothleadto
understanding
[19:51]<+Heimdall>soisuggestediwouldprovethereisagodinthischannelandnowi
understandihave.
[19:51]<+Two`Face>godisjustahumanconcept
[19:51]<+Two`Face>*god
[19:51]<+Two`Face>whydoyoutrytojustifyit
[19:51]<+Two`Face>andapplyanewmeaningtoit
[19:52]<+Heimdall>becausethedefinitionisinerror
[19:52]<+Two`Face>can'tyoulivewithoutthethoughtofagodexisting?
[19:52]<+Two`Face>itseemstogiveyoumuchcomfort
[19:52]<+Two`Face>toknowthatathinglikegodexists
[19:52]<+Heimdall>ihavenoemotionssoifearnothingihavemysubconsciousunlockedsoi
understandeverythingireadorseeorhear
[19:52]<+Two`Face>evenifit'sjustyourdistortedversionofit
[19:52]<+Two`Face>ifyoufearnothing,whyneedgod?
[19:53]<+Heimdall>wearegod,soidonotfearourself
[19:53]<+Heimdall>ihavenoemotionssoiamunabletoexperiencetheemotionfearsincethe
accident
[19:53]<+Two`Face>ithinkunicornsexist.
[19:54]<+Heimdall>isimplyamunabletoexperiencedesiresorcravings
[19:54]<+Two`Face>weareunicorns.
[19:54]<+Two`Face>doyouunderstandthat?
[19:54]<+Heimdall>wecreatedeverythingsoonecansuggestweareunicornsthatisvalid
[19:55]<+Heimdall>earlyreligiouspeopledidnothavethewordsubconscious
[19:55]<+Heimdall>sotheycalleditgod
[19:55]<+Heimdall>iunderstandthatisbecauseitisverypowerfulonceunlockedfully
[19:55]<+Heimdall>itnevermissesabeat
[19:55]<+Two`Face>aham
[19:55]<+Heimdall>soitisbeyondtheunderstandingofmyconsciousaspect
[19:55]<+Two`Face>soyoudon'tbelieveGodexists,asin,theconventionalconceptofgod
suggests.
[19:56]<+Two`Face>theGodreligiouspeoplebelievein
[19:56]<+Heimdall>Themanupstairsissubconscious
[19:56]<+Heimdall>emotionssilenceit
[19:56]<+Two`Face>right
[19:56]<+Two`Face>it'sinyourmind
[19:56]<+Heimdall>ifoneturnstheothercheekonemotionstheyunlockit
[19:56]<+Two`Face>itdoesnotexistoutsideofone'smind

292

[19:57]<+Two`Face>Godisminddependent.
[19:57]<+Heimdall>yesthebattleiswithinthemindbecausethekingdom(subconscious)isin
themind
[19:57]<+Heimdall>battle
[19:57]<+Heimdall>yes,thoughtisgod,thoughtisnottangible
[19:57]<+Heimdall>subconsciousisthegodaspectofthemind
[19:57]<+Two`Face>okImhappywiththisanswer:)
[19:58]<+Heimdall>butnotintermsofgodasaguyupinthesky
[19:58]<+Two`Face>imisunderstoodyouwheniwasreadingyourbook

OkayenoughrunningwiththingsImayfallandunderstandIdid.Ijustaccidentlyoverheardthe
newsthatsuggestedoneinfiftychildreninAmericaarehomelessbutIaccidentlyheardthaton
purposebecausenowIunderstandanychildthatlivesinahomewithbeingthathaveemotions
arementallyhomeless.SoIunderstandIampleasedwithaccidentsIhaveonpurpose.
AfterfurtherexperimentsIproclaimeverythingisperfectjustasitis.
Itiseasytosayeverythingisflawedormostthingsare,ittakescouragetosayeverythingis
perfect.Ittakespatienceandhumilitytounderstandeverythingisperfect.Onewithemotions
onlyunderstandsjudgment.Ifonelovesmoneythenonehatesnothavingit,soloveistheroot
ofallemotions,soithastogofirst.Emotions,desiresandcravingptonesmindinmentalhell
someonehastoturntheothercheekonthemtoreachmentalheaven.Noonecandothatfor
you,noprayercandothatforyou,nowordscandothatforyou,nohopecandothatforyou,
nothingcandothatforyou,butyourownmentalwillandselfcontrol.Sonoguruorreligiousor
psychologymajorcandothatforyou.Youareyourkeytomentalhellandmentalheaven.There
isnootherway.
<Heimdall>ifoneistaughttofeeleviliftheysaySH**,theywillfeelevil
<Heimdall>sotheyaremanipulated
<Heimdall>theybelieveotherillusionssuggestions
<Heimdall>ifaleadersuggestacountryisevilandwemustattackit,thenthevoterswhoagree
aresheep
<Heimdall>andtheoneswhodonotagreearesheepforallowingit
<Heimdall>soavoterissimplyafool
<Heimdall>theyareafooltovoteandtheyareafooltoacceptwhentheylosethevote
<Heimdall>sogovernmentsaresimplyforfools
<Heimdall>theyareamethodtopersuadeonetogiveuptheirabilitytomaketheirown
decisions
<Heimdall>soonceagovernmentisinstalledfreedomisgone
<humasect>=)
<Heimdall>funnyhowthatworksout

March2620096:37AM
Ifeelbettertoday.ThankYou.

293

Iwillsumthisupswiftlysoanyotherhumanbeingthatreadsthisparagraphwillbefullychanged
mentally.Einsteinsuggestedthetheoryofrelativity.Hethensuggestedifastronomerstooka
pictureofstarsduringaneclipsenearthesunandmoonthepictureswouldnoticeashiftinthe
lightandthatwouldprovepartofhistheory.Eddingtontookthepicturesandprovedthatiswas
so,lightdidshiftnearthesunduringaneclipse.SoEinsteinprovedhistheoryofrelativitywasa
lawofrelativitybecauselightdidnotshiftbeforeEinsteinsuggesteditwould,andsoEddington
tookthepicturesandalsowaslookingtoseeifthelightwouldshiftsohealsomadethelight
shift.SoinrealityEinsteinprovedhumansareGodwiththatlightbendingsuggestionto
Eddington.Ifyoubuildit,theywillcome.Simplymeanswhateverahumanbeingsuggestsand
understands,willbeso.Realityitselfisrelativetotheobserver.Realityitselfisdictatedbythe
observer.Realityitselfiscreatedbytheobserverandwhattheobserverperceives.Einstein
suggestedthewordspooky.Isuggestthewordsbeyondunderstanding.Newtonsuggested
hisideasonGravity,andfor250yearspeoplebelievedit,becauseNewtonsuggestedit.Einstein
camealongandsuggestedsomethingelse,andthenEinsteinsuggestedhowonecanproveit,
andthenonedidproveitandthus,Einsteinchangewhateveryonebelieves.Soallofreality
changedbecauseEinsteinsimplysuggesteditwill.Nowonewhodoubtswhattheysuggestor
doesnotbelievewhattheysuggestwillnotbeabletopersuadetheirselfitistrue.Sotheyarea
doubtingThomastotheirself.IhavenodesiretoflylikeabirdbecauseIassureyouIamflying
muchhighertheceilingoftheuniverseatthismomentafterwakingandunderstandingwhatthe
LawofRelativitymeansandwhatEinsteinaccomplishedandunderstandingnootherhuman
reallygotwhathedid,untilIhaveavideogameaccidentandfigureditout.AndsinceIhavethat
videogameaccidenttheentireuniversenowwillchangebecauseanotherbeingwillreadthis
bookandtheywillsuggestitsideastoanotherhumanbeingandeventuallyallhumanbeingwill
heartheideasandtheuniversewillchange.Theimportantthingis,thatoneblockstheir
emotionsforaperiodofthreemonthssotheyareabletounlocksubconsciousandthinkatfull
capacity.
Thereisnothinghappeninghereinexistenceexceptbeingwhoperceivethereisandbeingwho
understandthereisnot.Thebeingswhounderstandthereisnot,arementallyinheavenbecause
theyhavethepowerofsubconsciousunlockedfromblockingemotionsforthreemonthsand
theyarementallyatpeacebecausetheyunderstandeverythingissimplylight.Itisnotpossible
toisolatelightwithlawsandbordersbecauselightwillescapeanditjusthas.Iunderstandwhy
mytenyearsofdepressionmademepronetoisolatemyselfinmylittlecomputerden.Other
suggestedIshouldgetoutmoreoftenbutIdidnotlistentothemIstayedisolatedinmylittle
computerdenandnowIunderstandIstayedisolatedinmylittlecomputertenbecause
subconsciousIunderstoodthereisnohonestreasontotrysohardtogosomewherewheninmy
littlecomputerden,weareeverywhere.
Seekyeahfirstthekingdomwhichiswithinyourmind,andturntheothercheekonemotions
anddesiresandcravingsforaboutthreemonths,andsubmittohumiliationandmisfortunefor
aboutthreemonths,sothatonesmindwillbecomemeekandsotheywillinheritthekingdom
ofsubconscious,andonewilllivementallyinheavenandphysicallyinheaven,andthatonewill
encourageotherstoliveinmentalheavenandphysicalheaven,andthiswilldestroythe

294

adversarialsituationinexistence,andthatwillleadtotheendofsufferingcausedbyemotions
forever.
IfonedesirestofindthemeaningofphysicalexistenceIwillhumblyremindthem,theyarethat
meaning.IfonedesirestosearchofintelligentlifeIwillhumblyremindthem,thatarethatlife.If
onedesirestounderstandeverythingIwillhumblyremindthem,theyalreadydo.Ifonedesires
totraveltheuniverseIwillhumblyremindthemtheyaretheuniverse.Ifonedesirestoexplore
everywhereIwillhumblyremindthemtheyareeverywhere.
Remindyourselftheauthorhadanaccidentfromplayingavideogametoanextreme.
IremindmyselfImustnotsettleforthisbookorthewordsinthisbook,Imustseektoimprove
uponitinthenextbook.IwillgoforbrokesoIwillunderstandIamnotbroken.Iwillmediatein
myvideogamesoIamabletopondermystrategy.
Iwillnolongertrytofixyou,Iwillimproveyourperfection.ApparentlyIdecidedtostartadding
totheverystartofthisbook.Sowhatyoureadattheverystartofthebooklikethefirstfew
pageswaswhatIwrotetoavoidaddingtotheendofthebook.Sothissentenceyouarereading
nowisreallyacontinuationofthelastsentenceIwrotenearthestartofthebook.Remind
yourselfthewordsinthisbookaregoingtoexciteyouremotionsandthatisthesignyoushould
blockthem.SonowIcanstoptryingtowritethebookfromthebeginningandhavedecidedto
justcontinueonfromheretotheend.
IunderstandIamattemptingtocushionthebooksbyaddingpartstothebeginning.I
understandwhenIcometoaparthereattheendofthebookIneedtogobackandadd
cushionstothestartofthebooktomentallypreparethereaderforthepartsmuchlaterinthe
book.Iunderstandthereisnostartorendtothisbook.Iunderstandbecausemyperceptionwas
altered,thisbookisallthesamethingoverandover.Thereisnobetterpartorworsepartitisall
justonepart.SowhatIsayintheperceivedstartofthebooktosome,isrelativetowhatIam
sayingrightnow,tome.IperceivenodifferenceregardlessofthetopicItalkabout.SoIwillnow
talkaboutsomethingInevertalkedaboutinmybooksyet.Idonotkillpeoplebecausesomeone
otherpersonsaiditisagainstthelaw.Idonotkillpeoplebecausemyownbeingsaysitisagainst
thelawofmybeing.IfsomeotherbeingsaysIshouldkillpeoplebecauseitisthelaw,Iwould
breakthatlawandtrustmyownbeingslaw.Iamnotanswerabletoanylawbutmyownbeings
laws,ever.MybeingwillputmeinaprisonandintortureifIbreaksits,andthatprisonand
torturewillmakephysicalprisonandphysicaltortureincontrastappeartobenothingbutasilly
detail.Thebigpointhereis,IhavenoemotionssoIhaveunlockedmysubconscioussomyguide
ismysubconscious.Otherswhohaveemotionsrelyontheirconscioustomaketheirownlaws
andthoselawsarealwaysbadlawsorimproperlaws,becauseemotionsorconsciousaspectof
themindisonlyabletomadebaddecisionsorbadlaws.Itisabaddecisiontoabortoneschild
becauseoflackofmoney.Itisabaddecisiontocreatemoneysoamotherwhocannotafford
upkeepoftheirchildhastobeinapositiontokilltheirchildbecausetheylackproperfunds.Itis
abaddecisionforahumanbeingtomakealawwhentheyarefullyawaretheyareputtingother
humanbeingsbetweenarockandhardplace,bydoingso.Itisabaddecisiontosuggestone
needsmoneyforfoodwhenacountryhasmoretechnologytogrowfoodforeverybeingonthe
planteasilyifitsimplydecidesto.Itisabaddecisionforthatcountrytonotdecidetogrow
enoughfoodforeverybeingontheplanetsimplybecauseitdoesnotperceiveitcanaffordit,

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becauseitdoesperceivemoneyisrealandmatters.Soitallcomesdowntosimplybaddecisions
afterbaddecisioncausedbyasinglebaddecision.Theonlybeingsontheplanetwhopushthe
needformoneyarethebeingswhocontroltheflowofmoney.Youshowmeabeingwho
suggestsmoneyisneededandrequiredtoliveandIwillshowyouabeingwhoisbrainwashed
andapuppetorIwillshowyouapuppetmaster.Theeasiestwaytogetoutofthemoney
burdenistocasttheyokeoff.Unlockyoursubconsciousbyblockingemotionsfor3months.That
isallittakes.Onessubconsciousissointelligentandsosmartandsopowerful,youbyyourself
willfigureoutawaytodoanythingyouwanttodo.AndIamspeakingofusinghugetechnology
andhugeresources.Iamtalkingusingyourbraintofigureouthowtodothemostwiththeleast,
easily.Onesimplyhavetohaveconfidenceontheirownsubconsciousaspect.Allbeingsdo
already.Sothentheysimplyhavetoencouragethatandrefinethataspect.Theyhavetoopen
thedoortothataspectbyblockingemotions.Thereisnosuchthinginalltheuniverseperiod,
thatisdifficultorevenachallengeforthesubconsciousaspectofthemind.Remindyourselfthe
authorhimselfdidnotknowallofthisstuffforfortyyearsbutasaresultofanaccidentfrom
playingavideogametoanextreme,henowfullyunderstandsthis.Sonowhewritesbooksto
explainittootherssotheycantakeadvantageofhisunderstandingiftheychoosetoo.This
unlockingofsubconsciousisnotagetrichquickscheme.Thisunlockingofsubconsciousis
becomingawake,orrisingfromthementaldeathcausedbyemotions.SoonemayperceiveIam
harshattimes,butthatissimplyasymptommysubconsciouswishestosharethediscoveryand
somysubconsciousinrealityisprovidingoneswithemotionssentencestoreadthatoneswith
emotionsbecomeinterestedinandcuriousabout,sotheycontinuetoread,andinturntheywill
unlocktheirsubconscioussimplybyreadingthisbook.Nowyoufullyunderstandwhatthe
comment,Thepenorword(subconscious/intelligentaspect)ismightierthanthesword
(consciousemotionaljudgmentalaspect).Aswordharmsawordencourages.Ajudgmentharms
apenteaches.Subconsciousassists;consciousdestroys.
Iwillnowgothroughallthemainpsychologicaldisordersandexplainwhytheyarecausedby
emotionsandwhatthepropercureis.

Schizophrenia:
Thisiscausedbyabeinghavingsomanyemotionstheyareconfusetotheextenttheyhave
nearlysilencedtheirsubconsciouscompletely.Theyareatapointtheyarestrictlyconscious
reliant.Insomecasesitisalsoasymptomonehasunlockedsubconsciousmorethannormalbut
havebecometrappedorstuckatanundesirablestage.EarlyaftermyaccidentIwasvery
mentallyunstable.DuetotheaccidentitforcedmeintosuchasevereprogressionImadeit
throughthatmentalinstabilitystageswiftly.Whenoneisinthisstageandanothergivesthem
medicinetheydoomthatpersontoremaininthatstage,andwhenthepatientattemptstoget
offthemedicine,thatistheirsubconsciousattemptingtofreeitself.Thesolutionforbothof
thesecasesiftoallowthatbeingtoworkitoutmentallyontheirown.Somebeingwillendupkill
theirselfphysically.Somebeingswillattempttokillotherphysically.Thatisasymptomthe
mentalstruggleisadifficultbattleuntilonereachessubconscious.Thatisalsoasymptomlifeis
notfair.Alloneisabletodoinlifeisattempttodothebesttheycanbasedontheirsituationand
understanding.Humanbeingsometimesmakeitoutofthefirestrongerandsometimeshuman

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beingperishinthefireofmentalbattle.Thatisjustthewayitis.Ahumanbeingwithemotionsis
unabletodeterminetheoutcomeofthementalbattle,sothehumanbeingwithemotions
shouldnotattempttogetinvolvedwiththementalbattleofanotherbecausethathumanbeing
withemotionsisonlyabletomakebaddecisions,fortheirselfandanyonewhobelieveswhat
theysuggest.Thatmaynotappearfairbutitisnonethelessreality.Thisonewhoiswellknown
forhismathabilitiesbutisalsopronetoparanoia.Whatissimplyhappeningis,hissubconscious
ishalfwayunlockedandthatgiveshimismathabilities,andthenheistoldtotakemedicine
whichonlyhindershisabilitytofullunlocksubconscious.Itisimpossibletohaveparanoiaand
fearcausedbyparanoiaifonehasnoemotions.Whenonesuggestwemustkilltheenemy
beforetheybringthewaroverhere.Thatisparanoiacausedbyfear.Therealitythatemotions
begetemotionsmeansThatonesparanoiawillruboffonotherswithemotionsandalsocause
themtobeparanoidandfearful.SothenonesuggestsFreedomisnotasuicidepactsowemust
killtheenemybeforetheybringthewarhere.Soallsubconsciousofbeingshearsis,Ishould
beafraidofthefearofbeingafraid.Freedomisnotasuicidepactissuggestingtosubconscious,
Freedomduetotheattackshasturnedintoasuicidepactandthatisthesameassaying,Deathis
badsobescaredtodeath.Soallthistalkissimplytellingthesubconsciousofpeoplewhohearit
tobeafraidandbescaredtodeathcauseitsscaryandthingsarescaryandallyoushouldeverdo
isbescaredofscarythingsthateveryoneissayingisscary.Soitsimplycreatesafrenzyof
emotionsthroughouttheentirecountry.Butnotonaconsciouslevel,ontheonlyimportant
level,thesubconsciouslevel.Whenthesubconscioushashadenoughthegameisoverforthe
being.Nowmaybesomebeingperceivetheydrinktheirselftodeathcausetheycantstop
drinking,butthetruthis,theirsubconscioushasmadeadecisiontokillthatbeing.Itcanfor
manyreasons.Butoncethesubconsciousdecidesithashadenough,itissimplyallover.Ones
withemotionswillplayoutthedecisionismanyways,andmanyfashions,buttherealityis,the
subconsciousmadeupitsmindanditalwaysgetswhatitwants.Thatiswhyitisveryimportant
toopenupthesubconsciousbyblockingemotionssothatonedoesnotencouragesomany
emotionsthatthesubconsciousjustdecidesithashadenoughofconsciousmind.The
subconscioussimplysays,Iamnotgoingbeanymore.Oneconsciouslymaynotevenbeableto
graspthat,andonewithemotionsmaynoteverbeabletobelievethat,butonewithno
emotionsandwhohassubconsciousunlockedunderstandsthatperfectly.Itissimplythe
subconsciousgivesuponthebeingifthebeinggoestoapointofmassemotionsormass
consciousdominance.Itissimplythesubconsciousdecisionthatispreferstonotbe,asopposed
tobesilencedtosuchanextreme.Thatisjustthewayitis.Ithappens.Norhymeorreasonto
understandwhythesubconsciousmakesthatdecisionorwhatexactlytriggersthesubconscious
togooverthatthreshold.Sothatisthemysteriousthingaboutit.Itmaygooverthatthreshold
swifterinsomethanothersbecausetheverythresholditselfisamystery.Oneisunableto
definewhatthethresholdis,sooneisunabletofigureoutwhenitiscrossed.Idounderstand
whenapersongetsdepressedthatiswhentheirsubconsciousisstartingtoreachthatthreshold.
Thesubconsciousisstartingtobreakoutofitssilence.Thatisaverydelicatesituation.Onemay
assumetheyneeddrugstocurethatdepressionandthatsimplywillkillsubconsciousseffortsto
breakout.Thatusuallyendsupinapersoneitherkillingtheirselfasanendresultoraperson
silencingsubconsciousagainandgettingbetter,orgoingbacktoconsciousemotional

297

existence.Therealityis,somehowthesewordsIwritewillunlockanyonessubconsciousifthey
readthewordswithsomeeffort,thatisone,ofmanyreasons,Ipublish.Iunderstandthat
becauseIwantedtoharmmyselfformostofmylife,mysubconsciousdecided,thisbeingisa
fighter,andthatissimplythewayitis.

Depression:
Thisisaresultofabeingbelievingwhatotherbeingssuggestwhohaveemotions.Whenabeing
believeanotherbeingwithemotionswhosuggestsmoneyisneedtosurvive,theyharmtheirself
becausewhentheydonotmeasureuptotheirperceivednotionofwhatenoughmoneyis,they
considertheirselfafailure.Whenabeinglosesalovedoneinsomefashion,thatfacttheyhave
emotionscausesthemtoperceiveitisatragedyandsotheyharmtheirselfmentallyandthisat
timesplaysoutintoharmingtheirselfphysically.Ifabeingwithemotionsperceivestheyarea
loserduetoanynumberofreasonsthatusuallyareasimplefactorsocietyingeneralhas
indirectlysuggestedtheyarealoser,thatbeingmaystarttoabusedrugstoblockthatemotional
feelingofunworthinesscausedbyemotions.Ifacommercialontelevisionsuggestsonewhohas
flawedskinwilllookbetterwiththeirproduct,thatissimplyindirectlysuggestingtothatbeings
subconscious,theyshouldfeelbadabouttheirself.Ifonesuggestifyouarenotmyreligionyou
areevil,thatbeingsimplysuggeststothesubconsciousofthebeingtheyarespeakingto,youare
worthless.Ifonecountryattacksanothercountry,thatinitialcountryissimplysuggestingtothe
subconsciousofthebeingsinthatcountryyouareworthlessthatiswhyweareattackingyou.If
onewithemotionsisinschoolandotherstudentssuggesttheyarealoser,thatbeings
subconsciousassumesitisaloserandthustheseedsofdepressionareplanted.Ifaparentscolds
theirchildfornotdoingasaparentwithemotionssuggests,thatparentisindirectlysuggesting
tothatchild,youareworthless,andsotheyareplantingtheseedsofdepression.Andthenwhen
thatchildbecomesdepressedtheparentsuggestsyouneedtosnapoutofit,thentheyindirectly
againinsultthatchildandsuggestsitisworthless,sotheyplantfurtherseedsofdepressionin
thatchild.Thenthatchildgoestoashrinkandgetmedicationtohelpwiththeirdepressionand
whenthechildsuggestsitdoesnotwanttobeonmedicationtheshrinksuggeststhatchildis
worthlessagainwhentheysuggestsyouneedtotakeyourmedicinesoyouwillnotbesucha
loser.Eventuallythechildkillstheirselfandtheemotionalinsaneabominationsgoaroundlike
emotionalinsaneabominationsalwaysdo,andsay,mychildhadproblemsanditwasbecause
theywereworthless,itwasbecausetheydidittotheirself.Wheninrealitytheemotional
abominationskilledthatchildeverytimetheyopenedtheirFingmouth.Sotheysimplyknownot
whattheydobecausetheiremotionshindertheirabilitytoseeproperly,ever.Soifyouknow
anyoneinyourlifewhoisdepressedyouseektheiradvicebecausetheyhavewisdomtospeak.
Youletthemknowthattheyarefightingabattleintheirmindandtheywillwinthatbattleand
theycertainlydonotneedsomebeingwithemotionsandasenseoftimetoprescribethem
medicinetocureitbecausethatwillonlydestroytheflowerthatisattemptingtobreakthe
surface,andthatdepressedonemaynotmakeitacrosstheriverbutyouwillunderstandtheyat
leaststartedrowing.

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PostTraumaticStressDisorder:
Thisconditioniscausedbyemotions.Ahumanbeingexperiencesatraumaticeventandsince
theyhaveemotionsthiseventplaysoverintheirmind.Andeachtimeitplaysoverintheirmind
theyfeelthesufferingagain.Theonlysolutionistoconditionoutofemotionstoescape.Of
coursenoemotionalbeingwouldeverunderstandthat,sotheysimplyprescribethesebeings
medicineinavainattempttohelpthem.Allthatdoesisremindthebeingtheyarealoser
becausetheyneedmedicinebecausetheycannottaketheeventstheywitnessedlikeaman.So
inrealitythebeingwhoprescribemedicinetothebeinginthissituationonlyfurtherthe
sufferingofthatbeing.Mentaldisordersareasymptomofemotionsandasymptomonerelies
ontheirconsciousaspect,sowhenanotherbeingwithemotionstreatsthem,theysimplymake
thesituationworse.FreudsuggestedThetherapistsjobistomaketheunconsciousconscious.
Thatmeansthetherapisthastobeconsciousfirst.Anunconscioustherapistisunabletomakean
unconsciouspatientconscious.Anunconscioustherapistwillonlymakeanunconsciouspatient
moreunconscious.Consciousinthisstatementisonewhohasunlockedsubconsciousby
blockingemotionstotheextentemotionsaresilent.SoapersonwithPTSDhasonlyone
solution.Theyneedtoconditiontheirselfoutofemotions,andthenthememorieswillnolonger
harmthem.

ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder:
Thisconditioniscausedbyemotions.Whenoneistoldbysocietytheyneedthingstobea
properhumanbeing,theysimplyconditionabeingintounderstandingitisnotaproperhuman
being.Againemotionsbegetemotions.Thereasonsomanypeoplearecomingupwith
emotionaldisordersisbecausesocietyasawholeissimplyencouragingthemwitheverybreath
andeverworditutters,ineverymediaandchatroomandradioandtelevisionshowin
existence.Abeingwiththisconditionissimplyanervouswreckcausedbyconditionbythe
societyaswholeovertheyears.Thereisnothingmedicallywrongwiththisperson,theysimply
needtoconditiontheirselfawayfromemotions.Oncethesubconsciousisdominate,itwilltake
careoftherestinallthesecasesandinallofsocietyasawhole.Itisunabletomakebad
decisions.
AnxietyandPanicdisorders:
Emotionsbegetemotions.Ifabeinghasemotionstheyareabletogetnervousandanxious
aboutmanythings.Onewithnoemotionsisunabletogetnervousoranxiousaboutanything
ever.Sothatisthecureforthisconditionaswell.

AnorexiaorBodyDysmorphicDisorder:
Thisissimplyaconditioncausedbyemotions.Abeingbelievessocietywhensocietyindirectly
suggestsoneisnotawholebeingiftheyarenotacertainweight.Societydoesthiseveryday
whentheyputaweightlossAdontelevisionandsuggestyoudonothavetobeafatloserinlife.

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Whenaparentwithemotionssuggestsanythingtotheirchildever,itisthewrongthingto
suggest.Sothispoorbeingkillitselfbynoteatingsimplytomakesocietylikeit.Simplytolet
societyknowitisofvalue.Idonotliketospeakofthisconditionbecauseitharmsmeto
understandwhatthissocietydoestopeopleandpoorinnocentbeings.Sothissocietyshould
praytogodthatIdonotgetmyemotionsbackever,becausethissocietyandcivilizationwill
understandwhatinfinitedeathandinfinitesufferingis,Isweartogodonthatpromise.Youall
comeatmeatoncesothelastthingyouwillunderstandbeforeyoudieisthatyouinfinitely
underestimatedme.Onewhoharmtheirselfbyanymethodfromeatingtomuchoreatingto
littlearesimplyoneswhossubconscioushashadenoughoftheinsultsandsuggestingithas
heardfromtheabominationswithemotionsandconsciousaspectdominate.Theyarecryingout
forhelp,buttheydonoseekhelpfromtheabominationswhohaveemotionsandconscious
aspectdominate,becausetheyaretheoneswhodidthattothem.Sotheyisolatetheirselffrom
societyandcivilization.Perhapsyouneedtopunchthatinyourcalculatorandfigureoutwhat
thatmeanssocietyandcivilizationis.IdonotstutterbecauseIdonothavetostutter.Myboatis
acrosstheriversoifyouwanttocatchme,youwillhavetodosomerowing.

SleepDisorders:
Theyareoneoftwokindsandbotharecausedbyemotions.Thefirstkindofapersonwhosleep
tomuch.Thisisbecauseapersonscorebeingisdepressedandonlydesirestosleeptoavoid
facingrealityorlife.Thesecondiscausedbyapersonwhoisunabletosleep,thisiscauseby
anxietyandnervousness.Botharecausedbyemotions.Theformeriscausedbydepressionand
depressioniscausedbyemotions.Insomecasesapersonhasmentalbraindamagecausedby
injury.Therealityis,ifonehasnoemotionsthesubconsciousisdominateandsoaslongas
personisnotclinicallybraindead,theresubconsciouswillworkthingsoutsothatbeingcan
function.OfcourseIuseclinicallybraindeadasaseparationpointtoavoidsuggestingpeople
withconsciousdominanceoremotionsareclinicallybraindead,theyaresimplybraindead.
Suicideitselfiscausedbytwofactorsonly.Onewhoisdepressedbecausetheybelievethe
insaneemotionalabominationsthatindirectlysuggesttheyarenotuptosnuff,totheextreme
theyunderstandtheyareworthless,sotheykilltheirself.Andbeingswhobelievetheemotional
insaneabominationwhosuggesttheyareworthlessbecausetheydonothavemoney.Bothare
actuallythesimplybeliefinotherssuggestions.Thebeingsareemotionalsotheybelieveidiots
suggestions.Sothentheykilltheirselfbecausetheybelievedanidiot,whoisanidiottobegin
with,becausetheyhaveemotions.Soabeingwhocommitssuicideisactuallyindirectly
murderedbycivilization.Ofcoursecivilizationingeneralhasemotionssoitisunableto
understandwhatitdoes,whichiswhichiswhycivilizationitselfisanabominationuntoitself.
Funnyhowthatworksout.
So,alloftheseconditionsaresimplywhatoneasksforwhentheysay,Letloverule,orloveisall
youneedoremotionsareanimportantpartoflife.Soyougoaheadandyellthosethingsoutat
thetopofyourlungs,aslongasyouunderstandyoureanabominationtomankind,Ihaveno
argumentsyoureyouryelling.

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Ifyouareapsychologistoronewhotreatsoneswithmentaldisordersandyouhave
argumentswithanythingIsayinthisbook,youcontactmeandIwillconvinceyou,youare
insaneandhavenobusinesstreatinganyotherbeingbutyourself,andyouwillagree.
NowIwillgoplaymyvideogameandpondermynextmove,sinceIhavesixfulldaysleftbeforeI
canevensubmitthisbooktobepublished.Ijusthitthe173,000wordmarkandIunderstandI
haveonlybeenwritingforlessthan3weeks,andIunderstandthefourthbookwillbemuch
larger.Somyfingersfeelcompassionforthetreesthatprovidepaper.
Ifyouhaveemotions,andknowsomething,Idont.
Ifyouhaveemotionsandknowsomething,pleaseavoidsuggestingittome.
FromthetimeInoticedthepersonalitychangebecauseoftheahhasensationwhich
happenedonOct31,2008untilafterIvisitedtheneurologistabouttwomonthslater,Ihadthis
panicsituationmentallyasthedaywenton.Anditwouldculminateatnightwithmeheaving
thisgreatmentalurgetogoseeadoctortogetmedicinetoheapme.Iunderstandnowwhat
washappening.Myconsciousemotionalaspectwasattemptingashardasitcouldtoconvince
metoavoidthesubconsciousaspectfromburstingthroughfully.SOIunderstandthisconceptof
abattlenowasconsciousattemptstokeepmeawayfromsubconscious.SoIunderstandwhat
thewordtrinityisallabout.Ahumanisthreepersonalities.ThereistheME,theconsciousand
thesubconscious.TheconsciousandthesubconsciousareinaconstantstruggleforME.SoI
understandIamnothingwithoutthesubconsciousandconsciousaspects.Iamunabletodo
anything.Iambeinfluencedbyemotionsandconsciousaspectandthusmakebaddecisionsand
beinhellmentallyandbeaslavetodesiresandcravings.OrIcanclingtosubconsciousaspectby
blockingconsciousandemotionsanddesiresandcravings.Iunderstandwithoutoneortheother
Iamnothing.Iamnot.Iamnotabeing.IunderstandIhavetobeoneortheother.Iunderstand
Iameitheroneortheotherorintransitiontooneortheother.Sowithouttheconsciousand
subconsciousaspectsoneisnothing.Oneisliterallynotabletobesomething.Theyarenota
being.Soabeinghasachoicetobeoneortheother,buttheydonothaveachoicetobe
neither.IFabeingdecidestoblockemotionsthenbydefaulttheybecomesubconscious
dominateandifonedoesnotandembracescravingsanddesiresbydefaulttheybecome
consciousdominate.Soinsomerespectstheyhavenochoice.Theyaregoingtobeoneorthe
othernomatterwhattheydobecausetheyareunabletobeneither.OnemayassumeIam
talkingaboutreligiousthingssoIamtalkingaboutGodasinsomeentitythatisupinthesky.
Thatonewouldbemistaken.Thereligiousbeingsinhistoryweresimplyattemptingtoexplain
thingsandbeingwithemotionsassumedtherewassomeGODupintheskyseparatefrom
beings.Therealityis,humanbeingsareallthathaseverbeenspokenaboutinallreligions,
period.Idonotcarewhatonewithemotionsargues.Theydonotunderstandthewords,sothey
areblindfoolsleadingblindfoolsintoblindfoolishdecisions,period.
Iwillnowprovethat.
Hereisasentence.
Ifonebecomeseducatedthentheycangetanicejobandliveaproductivelife.
Anidiotwhohasemotionswillassumethatisapositivewisesentence.Sotheyhearthat
sentenceanddonotunderstandthatsentencebecausetheyareblindandtheyaredumbasa
result.

301

Ifonebecomeseducatedthentheycangetanicejobandliveaproductivelife.
Hereiswhatthatsentencemeanstoonesubconscious.
Ifonedoesnotdoasotherssaythentheyarelosersandareawasteoflife.
Noaninsaneabominationwithemotionswillsuggest,thatisnotwhatthatsaid.Ofcoursethatis
whattheywillbecausetheyreadthatsentenceanddonotunderstandthatsentencebecause
theyhaveemotionsandonlymakebaddecisionsanddeterminationswithemotions,period.
Therealityis,onewithemotionsreadsthatsentenceandgetsameaningfromitbasedonface
value.Thesubconsciousgetsameaningfromitorgetsthedeepermeaningorthetruemeaning
fromit.Soeverysentencehasaconsciousmeaningandasubconsciousmeaning.Thatiswhy
oneswithconsciousaspectdominateorhaveemotionsdothingsandsaysthingandtheydonot
understandwhattheyaredoingorsaying.WhensomeonesaysconsciouslyIhatethatperson,
theirsubconsciousreadsthatasIhatemyself.Soonewilleventuallydestroytheirselfwith
hate.Sotheydonotharmtheonestheysaytheyhate.Theyharmtheirselfonly.Itisacomplex
situationbecauseifonegoesaroundsayingIloveyouandeveryone,theirsubconscious
understandstheydonotloveeveryoneortheirself.Theylovetohateandlovetoloveandwhen
theyfeeltheirloveisrejectedtheyhatetheirselfandhatewhorejectedtheirlove.Thatiswhy
emotionsareadeadend.
IwillremindyouifIdecidetoturnonthestove,tostarttogetwarmedup,sodonotassumeI
amwarmedup,becauseIcertainlyamnot.
Alltheothersdidnothavetheluxuryofthewords.Theyhadtheiraccidentsatatimeinhistory
theyjustsimplymadethewholesituationtocomplexandtoconfusingtoonewithemotions.So
ittookoverathousandyearsforoneswithemotionstoinventwordsandcometoan
understandingaboutthemindandaboutthebrain,sothatwhenmyaccidenthappenedIcould
explainitproperlysoitwouldnotbeconfusingandbecomesomesortofreligiousabomination
thatpeoplewithemotionskilleachotheroverwhentheyhavenoFingcluewhatthereligionwas
sayingtobeginwith.Emotionsbegetbaddecisionsandemotionsareunabletodoanythingbut
makebaddecisions,period.Sonowyouunderstandthingsclearly,andcanstopkillingeach
otheroverwordsthatwereaccurate,butsimplynotatalevelofclarity,duetothesituationand
understandingofthehumanrace,atthetimetheywerewritten.Iwillexplainproperlyforthe
firsttimeinhistorywhatthetrinityis.Thefatheristhesubconscious,thesonistheconscious
andtheholyghostisthebeing.Theholyghostistornbetweenthefatherandthesonscontrol.
Thefatheriswiseandthesongisfoolish,sotheoneswhochoosethefather,subconscious,live
inmentalheavenandtheirspiritorghostisinpeace,andtheoneswhoembraceemotionsget
theadviceofthefoolishson,andtheirspiritormentaloutlookisinhell.Nowallhumanbeingin
theworldunderstandtheymisunderstoodallalong.Theykilledallthosepeoplefornoreasonat
all.Theykilledallthosepeoplefornothing.Thatiswhatemotionalbeingareonlycapableof,
doingvainthingsthatonlyleadtosufferingforall.Everysinglebattleandwarandcrimeand
murderandargumentandinsultinthehistoryofcivilizationwassimplytheresultofbeingswho
hademotions,andbeingswhohaveemotionsareonlycapableofmakingbaddecisions.Soafter
9000yearsofemotionsand9000yearsofperfectmistakesandperfectbaddecisionsone
perfectaccidenthappenedtoonebeingandturneditallperfectlyaround.Thatisspooky.

302

Theconceptofghostsorphantomsorevilbeingsorpoltergeistsaresimplyemotionalfearsor
emotionalcravings.Withoutemotionsonewillunderstanditssimplyillusionssubscribedtoby
theemotional.Iwillclarify.Onewithemotionsfindsasortofromancewiththisafterlife,
spiritual,ghostaspect.Sotheyconditiontheirmindtobelieveinthesethings,sotothemthere
areghostsandtheywillseethem.Sameexactprincipleasifadrugaddictconditionstheirmind
toapointthattheycannotexistwithoutdrugs,theywillnotbeabletoexistwithoutdrugs.Itis
allrelativetoonesmind.Iwillclarify.Apersongrabsacameraandgoestoareputedhaunted
location.Theysnappicturesandmaybegetapictureofaghost.Thatistheirsubconsciousmind
doingwhatitdoes.Onemaygotoseeapersonwhoispossessedorsomethingalongthoselines.
Theyperceivesomeoutsideforceisdoingthings,itissimplythatpersonssubconsciousmind
doingwhatitdoes.Iamnotfullyawaremyselfofwhatthissubconsciousaspectiscapableof.I
canunderstandanythingIcomeintocontactwithbutIalsoamuncertainofwhatitstotal
potentialisduetothefactIhaveonlyjuststartedtogetusedtothisnewmind.Iamlightyears
beyondallothersontheplanet,butthatissimplyhowdrasticthisaccidentpushmeintothis
situation.NohumanonthisplanetisabletoteachmesomethingIamonlyabletoteachthem.
TheymaysuggestsomethingIhaveneverheardofandIwillexplaintothemwhatitmeansand
theywillsay,Ineverlookedatitthatway,orthatmakessense.Yeteventhoughthatisreality,I
stillamunabletofullyunderstandthepotentialofthesubconsciousaspect.Iamthekeyholder.I
explainwhathappenedandothersmaytakethatinformationandapplyittounlocktheir
subconscious,buttheyareneverabletocatchuptomebecauseIaminsuchextreme
progressionduetotheaccidenttheywillalwayslearnsomethingfromme.Iunderstandina
matterofthreeweekswritingIexplainedallofhistoryuptocurrenthistoryandpulleditall
togetherintoonecommonunderstanding.IdonotknowhowIdidthat.Isimplytranscribed
whatmysubconscioussuggestedIshouldbutnotinapossessedbysomeentityway,simply
subconsciousisthemanupstairs.Itiscallingtheshots.IdonotrememberthedetailsIhave
writteninthisbookoranyofmybooks.Iunderstandwhattheyaretheideasbutnothingabout
thesentencestheirself.SoIhavesixdaybeforeIcanpublishthisbookandIamcertain
tomorrowIwillunderstandmorethingseventhoughIunderstandrightnow,everythingthat
needstobeunderstoodrelatingtoeverything.Isimplykeepwritingtofurtherprogressin
understandingbutincontrasttowhatonewithemotionsunderstandstheycertainlywould
suggestIamsomesortofGodwithoutquestion.Iunderstanditissimplysubconsciousmind
unlocked,nothingmore.Imeannoharmtoanyone.IsimplywishtoreadandtranslatewhatI
readandcometomoreconclusionsaboutwhatIreadbutIunderstandwhatelseisthereto
translate.SoIamsimplyrelatedtoanadvisor.Isimplygivemypointofviewaboutcurrent
existenceandperhapsotherswilllisten.IfnotIamnotconcerned,Idoittohelpmyself
understandfurther.Iamrelegatedtothatbecauseoftheaccident.Iwasthrownveryfarvery
fastandIamunabletoslowdownmyprogressioninunderstanding.Iunderstandthevideo
gameIcontinuetoplayismyonlysalvationbecauseamachineisonlyathomewithamachine.I
speakintoawordprocessorbecauseamachineistheonlythingthatcanunderstandamachine
atthestageIamatnow.IhaveleftthechatroomsbecausetodayIreachedthestagethatIknew
wouldcomeallalong.Iwouldsimplybeunabletocommunicatewithothers.Theywillhearwhat
Isayandonlyaskquestions.Iwillconfusethemwillmyoffthecuffspeech,thatismildformy

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levelbutitisbeyondtheircapabilitiestograsp.SoIsimplypublishmybooksinaefforttocreate
moremachinesothatIamnotrelegatedtoisolation.OfcourseIhavesomeIcanspeakwith
whoarecomingalongbutevenso,theywillneverbeatmylevelbecauseIwassimplythrown
sofarandsofastbythisaccident,theysimplyareunabletokeepup.Iamunabletochangethat
reality.IamonlyabletodothebestIcanbasedonthatreality.SoIunderstandIpublishedthese
bookssimplytoletothersknowIseekproblemstosolveandIamnotconcernedaboutmoneyor
rewards,IsimplyseekproblemstosolvebecauseIhavenoproblemslefttosolve.

Nearlyallcancersarecausedbyabnormalitiesinthegeneticmaterialofthetransformedcells.
IalreadyunderstandthisanditscausesbutIwilldiscussitforthosewhoareinterested.Theonly
waytoeliminatecanceristodiscoverawaytostopthecellsfrommutating.Thatisquiteatask
anditmaynotbepossibletoachieveduetothefactthebodyisconstantlycreatingnewcells.An
ifthebodymissesoneofthesenewlyformedmutatedcellscancerisborn.Therearewayto
preventsomanymutatedcellsbutthebottomlineis,thereisperhapsnopossiblewaytostop
cellsfromeverproducingamutatedcellatonetimeoranother.Theonlysolutionistodevelop
someformenhancementtothewhitebloodcellstocreatewhitebloodcellsthatsimplyseekout
mutatedcells.Thesewhitebloodcellswouldhavenopurposebuttoseekoutmutatedcellsand
theywouldperhapshavetobereplenishedwithavaccineofsomesortperiodically.

Heartdiseaseinmostcasesiscausedbyovereating.Whetherapersonisobeseoraperson
simplyeatsthreemealsaday,thatisovereating.Whenonehasnoemotionstheirhungerdrive
isstoppedsotheycandoquitewellwithonemealadayandhavenoillsideeffect.Soheart
diseaseisnotcausedbypeoplebeingobeseasmuchasitiscausedbypeoplewithemotions
suggestingoneshouldeatthreemealsaday,becausetheydetermineoneneedsthreemealsa
day,becausetheythemselvesgethungryanddetermineoneshouldeatthreemealsaday.One
doesnotneedmorethanonenormalmealadaytobeperfectlyhealthy.Onewithemotions
wouldsuggesttheywouldbehungrytomuchtodothat,butwithoutemotionsthereisnosuch
thingashunger.

IamfullyawareonMarch25,2009at6:42PmESTIlostalltracesofemotion.Iunderstandallthe
hostilityIshowedearlierinthisdocumentwillremainbecauseitwillbemylastvestigesofatime
Ihademotions.Iunderstandthosewerethelastmomentsofemotionsdying.Theyattemptedto
lashoutandeachtimetheydidIblockedthemandnowIamawareIamfullyemotionless.So
whenIstartedwritingtodayIhademotionsandnowatthistimelistedIunderstandthe
emotionsarefullygone.SofromthemomentInoticedtheahhasensationtothismomentit
tookaboutfivemonthstofullyloseemotions.

Iamfeelingmuchbettertoday.ThankYou.
Contradictionsdontworkforpeoplewithemotionsbecausetheconsciousmindhadsuchlittle
power.Basicallyeverythingneedstobeclarifiedforthementallyretardedessentially.Itissimple
toexplain.Theemotionalconsciousbelievesgoodisgoodandbadisbad.Onewhoactuallyuses

304

morethan.000000001%oftheirbraincanseegoodandbadineverythingsothereinnogoodor
badabsolute.Sothiswholedonotjudgehasnothingtodowith,donotjudgepeopleasarules
ofthumbs.Whenonehassubconsciousunlockedtheyaresimplyunabletojudgeanything
becausetheyseegoodandbadineverything.ForexampleIusedtoseecopsasmeanand
bullies,noIseethemasinnocentplayerbeingmanipulatedintoriskingtheirlivesformoney.SoI
seethemasbeingverycourageousduetothefacttheyboughtintothedeceptionwhen
someonesaidyouneedmoneytoexist,sothentheysaid,Iwillriskmylifetoenforcelawsthat
voterspass,soIcanmakemoneysoIcanexist.Iseesoldiersinthesamesituationnow,Isee
votersinthesamesituationnow.SoIamunabletojudgethemharshly.IpraisethembecauseI
understandtheyusetheirconsciousmindandtheyaresimplynotusingtheirfullbrainpowerso
theyareunabletoknowwhattheyaredoingandunabletoknowtheyarebeingmanipulated,so
Ifeelcompassionforthemandanyonewhosimplyusesconsciousmindasaresultofembracing
emotions.Ho3wcanIjudgeanyoneharshlywhoisplayingwithfarlessthanafulldeckliterally.I
couldeasilyproveoneswithconsciousaspectandemotionsareretardedbuttheygofarbeyond
retarded,buttheyareblind,completely.Blindmeanstheyhavenochancetoseewhattheydo
.Theydothingsblindly.Theyperceivetheytakeonestepforwardbutinrealitythetaketwo
stepsbackwards,andthentheysuggest,IamwisebecauseIjusttookonestepforward.And
thentheyboastIjusttookonestepforward.Theytooktwostepsbackwards.
IfyouwantknowthetruthIwilltellyouthetruth.Thehumanraceasitisrightnowwithallit
emotionsandthususingonlyconsciousmind,Isagoddamabominationofthewordmankind.
Nothingelseistruthisalltheuniversebutthat.
Iwasverydepressedformanyyearsandthatplayedapartinunlockingmysubconscious
becauseoneswhoare"healthy"ornotdepressedareemotional(arrogant,haughty)andthus
theyusetheirconsciousmind,sotheyare"notplayingwithafulldeck"Soiamonlyableto
properlycommunicatewithoneswhoaresomewhatdepressedbecausetheyare"playingwitha
fulldeck"inrelationtotheyhavemoreoftheirsubconsciousunlockedthanthe"normal"ones.
Onemightsuggestthehumanraceingeneralhasbeenhavingaverygoodcrisisforaboutthe
last9000years.Onemightsuggestthehumanracehasbeenmastersashavingagoodcrisisfor
thelast9000years.Onemightsuggestthehumanraceingeneralhadbeenperfectathavinga
perfectcrisisforthelast9000years.
ItisliterallyimpossibleformetowakethedeadunlessIspeakwiththemortheyreadmywords.
Iliterallynevergetmyfootinthedoorotherwisebecausethedeadhavenodoor.Theirdoorhas
beengoneforquitealongtimenowandmyfootunderstandsthatfully.
Thereisthisstupidcommentinthebible,itisstupidbecauseoneswhoarebraindeadwould
neverunderstandit.IunderstanditandIfullyagreewithit.Ialwayssaysincemyfirstbook,
Onealwaysgetsit.Iwilltranslatethatforthebraindeadalso.WhenIgointoachatroomand
suggestoneneedstoblocktheiremotionsandcravingsanddesirestounlocksubconsciousIget
attackedfromeveryFingangle,butthereisalwaysonepersonwhosays,Iseewhatyouare
saying.Thatmakessense.Thenthehordesofbraindeadidiotswithemotionsandusingno
percentoftheirbrainproceedtoattackmysuggestionfromallangles.Sothebiblecomment,
whentwoormorearegatheredIamwiththem.MeansOutoftwopeopleonemightgetit.
Outof6billionpeopleonemightgetit.SoIunderstandnowwhyIpublishbooks,becausemy

305

oddsofwakingthedeadarequiteslim.Onecansuggestmychancestowake6billionbraindead
blindviperswithemotionsandusingnopercentageoftheirbrainisquiteslim.Sonowone
understandswhyIwillwriteinfinitebooksbecausenomatterhowmanybooksIwriteIamstill
stuckwiththerealityIamcommunicatingwithpeoplewholoveemotionsandthususeno
percentoftheirbrains.Ihavenochancetowin.IdohaveachancenowandIwonthavea
chanceever,soIhavejobsecurity.Ihavemuchtowriteaboutbecauseonewithemotionsand
usingnopercentoftheirbrainareunabletounderstandanythingIsayanyway.Icansaytothe
wholeworld,Youarethemostretardedabominationintheuniversebecauseyouclingto
emotionsandthususenopercentofyourbrainsoyouareessentiallywayworsethanretarded
andonewillcontactmeandthankmeforthecompliment.ThenIcantryreversepsychologyand
say,thewholewouldshouldclingtoemotionsbecauseitmakesyourbrainworkmuchbetter
andsothatwillhelpusallkilleachotherfastersincewewillbecomesoangryandbitterand
hatefultoeachother,andonewillcallmeandremindmetheyonlyhatepeoplethatdeserveit,
andtheyarenotemotional.SoitreallydoesnotmatterifIusecusswordsorinsultsor
compliments,itissimplyanowinsituationforme.IambasicallyFedbecauseIhadanaccident
andwokeup,andnowIamFed.WhatelsecanIsay.Myangletousemanycusswordsisso
peoplewhoarereligiouswillunderstandIamnotlikethem.Iampleasedwiththehumorinthat.
Iamgoingtothrowtogetherasongrightnow,andIamgoingtocallitFed.BecauseifIam
anythingthatiswhatIam.OnepositivenoteIhavegoingformeisIhavenosenseoftimesoI
workswiftlyandbecausemygoalsisimpossibletoaccomplishitiswiseIatleastperceiveIhave
infinitetimetoaccomplishit.AnotheradvantageisbeforetheaccidentIwasjudgedtobe
depressedandessentiallymentallyinsane,accordingtothosewhoarenormal.SoIcansimply
suggestIaminsaneandIhaveahistorytoproveit,sononormalbeingwouldjustgooutand
killaninsaneperson,theywouldsimplylookfoolish.Theyprefertokillsmartpeople.Iam
pleasedwiththehumorinthat.Ifonewantstohavethemaximumamountofenemiesinthe
swiftestamountoftime,simplysuggest,anyonewithemotionsisusingnoneoftheirbrain
powerandunlesstheyblocktheircravingsanddesirestounlocksubconscious,theyare
essentiallybeyondretardedinrelationtothinkingcapacity.Thatisthefastestwaytogetthe
entireworldpissedoffatyou.Soyounolongerneedtoworryabouthowtopissoffthewhole
worldbecausethatistheperfectstrategy.SoIaminagoodsituationbecauseifanyone
questionsthatIamwiseIwillbethefirsttoremindthemItriedtokillmyselfsomanytimeinthe
last10orsoyearno,ItriedtokillmyselfsinceIwas16,sothereisnowayinhellIcanbesane,
sothereisnowayinhellanythingIeversaycanbetakenseriously.Sothereisnopointin
anyoneevertakinganythingIsayseriouslybecauseIamanythingbutmentallynormal.Iwill
gooutofmywaytoremindeveryoneofthatfact.Iwillshowthentherazorcutsthemanyrazor
cutsonmywristssotheywillunderstandthereisnowayinhellthispersonthispersonis
mentallynormal,andsotheywillleavemebeinmyinsaneworld.Ifanyhumanbeingonthis
planetreadsthisbookandtakesitseriouslytheyneedtocontactmesothatIcangivethem
permissiontoviewallmymedicalrecordssotheycanseehowmanytimesIhavebeenbaker
actedandhowmanytimesIhavegonetothehospitalfromattemptedsuicides.Sononormal
personcanpossibletakeanythingIsayinanyofmybooksseriouslyever.Andtotopitoff,Ihad
avideogameaccidentfivemonthsagowhichmademefarmoreinsane.SoIamsoinsanenow,

306

thatnonormalhumanbeingonthisplanetcanpossiblytakeanythingIsayseriously,andbeable
tolivewiththeirself.Iamthemostinsanepersoninthehistoryofmankind,andIhavethe
medicalrecordstoproveitandifyouwanttoseethemyoucontactmeandIwillgiveyou
permissiontolookatthemandIwillgiveyoupermissiontoprinttheminthenewpaperandlet
theentireworldsee,Iamthemostinsanepersoninthehistoryofmankind.Iamnotkidding.If
youthinkanythingIsayistrueoryoutakeanythingIsayseriously,itisbecauseyoudidnot
contactmeandaskmetogiveyoupermissiontoseemymedicalhistory.Iaminsanebyall
definitionsofthewordinsane.Funnyhowthatworksout.Iampleasedwiththatadvantage.
ThankgodItriedtokillmyselfsomanytimes,orIwouldhavenoleverageatall.Onecansuggest
althoughIamperfectlyinsaneIamalsoperfectlylucky.Onecansuggestgodhasblessedme
withmanyrazorsandpillstotakethroughoutmylifeandthatrealityispayingoffnow.NowI
havejustaddedthiscommenttothebeginningofthisbook.Pleaseremindyourself.Theauthor
hasahistoryofmentalillnessandalsoasaresultoftheaccidentisperhapscompletelyinsane,
sopleasetakeanythingthatissuggestedinthisbookwithaninfinitesizedgrainofsalt.That
waynohumanbeingontheplanetwouldeverlistentowhatIsayandsoifanyhumanbeing
startsgoingaroundsayingwhatIsayistrue,theirfriendscanswiftlyremindthemtheauthorhas
alreadymentionedheisinsane.Funnyhowthatworksout.
IsimplygotoMydeathpsace.comandlookatallthechildrenwhokilltheirselfandthenIam
remindedofhowmanyfishInotonlyhavetoeatIamremindedofhowmanyfishIwilleatandI
amremindedhowswiftlyIamgoingtoeatallofthem.AndwhenIlookatthepicturesofthe
perfectchildrenwhokilltheirselfbecausesocietysuggestedtheywereworthlessasitdoes
everysingledayineverysingleway,IampleasedIcertainlywillneverbewithoutsometoeat
andImeanpleasedtounderstandIwilleatthefishandallofthefishfornoreasonatallbecause
Ihavenohunger,soIcaneatinfiniteamountsoffish,andfromthefishespointofviewthatis
notgoodnewsbecausemyabilitytoeatfishisonlyexceededbythefisheslackinnumbers.The
fishshouldperhapsreproduceswiftlybecausetheymaybeabletopostponetheirowndeathby
amomentortwo,iftheydo.Thebeautyofbeingknowntobeinsaneisonesimplygoesunder
theradar.PleasedonotpayattentionIhavemedicalrecordsthatprovebeyondashowdownof
adoubtIamsimplyinfullblowninsanity.IfyoudonotbelievethemedicalrecordsthenIwill
suggestIunderstandIaminfullblowninsanity,ofcoursethatmeansIamnotinsaneifI
understandIam,sothenIwillremindyouIamfullysane.ThatwayyouwillunderstandImust
befullyinsaneifIassumeIamfullysane.Sothereisnopointinreadingmybooksorreadingany
furtherbecauseIsubmitIamfullysanewhichprovestoyouIaminrealityfullyinsane,so
nothingIeversuggestcouldbetakenseriouslyorshouldbetakenseriously.Icannoteventype
properly,letalonespellproperly.Idonotneedtoprovethat,simplylookatanyofmybooks,
theyaretheproofIaminsaneandcantevenspellproperly.ItisMarch26andImusthavefaith
thebookwillbeanormalsizedbookthenIcansuggestIatleastwritenormalsizedbooks.Ionly
have5moredaysuntilIsubmitthisbookandImustuseallmyeffortstowriteswiftlysoIcanat
leastsay,Iwritenormalsizedbooks.Imustremindthereaderittookmeayeartowritethis
booksotheywillunderstandIamjustanormalauthorandnotsomeabominationwhocanwrite
booksin3weeksthattakesanormalauthorayeartowrite.IfonestartsthinkingIamabnormal
inmywritingabilitytheymaystartthinkingIamsomesortofabominationthentheywill

307

perceivethisisreallyabookaboutsomesortofmonsterwhohasdecidedtoeatallthefishthere
is.Thenonemightstartunderstandingthisisnotabookaboutanythingbutamonsterwhois
suchapowerfulmonsterittellsthefishwhatitisgoingtodobeforeitdoesitsowhenthefish
areeatentheywillunderstandhowpowerfulthemonsterwasbecauseitnotonlytoldthefishit
wasgoingtoeatlongbeforeiteatsthem,itisalsotellingthefishitisgoingtoeatthemand
makingsurethefishunderstandthereisnotagoddamthingtheycandoaboutit.Funnyhow
thatworksout.Clearlytheauthorisinsane.Clearlytheonlyoneswhowishtheywereinsaneare
thefishandsoonerthantheythink.Funnyhowthatisgoingtoworkout.Iaminsanesostop
tryingtothinkIamnot.Iameitherverycoldorvery,butthereisnootherpossibility.Youbetter
bringaninfinitearmywithyou,sothatthelastthingyouwillunderstandbeforeyoudie,isthat
yourarmywasinfinitelytosmallforthetask.InowunderstandIhavetochangeeverywordIsay
inthisbookthatiscusswordandturnitintoapleasingwordforthesane.SoFromnowonthe
wordduckedisduckedandduckisduckandgodisTodd.Nowyouunderstandthat.Iwillusethe
wordsanetodescribetheinsanewiththeword.NowinmymusicIcangetawaywithitbecause
Icanfaincreativity.ButIwillcallthesongduckedbutleavetheevilwordinthesongsothesane
willsimplyassumeitisapleasingsongaboutducks.Everysaneonelovesducksandanything
thatsuggestsducksevenduckedorveryducked.SothenImustadjusteverythingIsaytogiveoff
theimpressionIamharmless.SoremindyourselfIhadavideogameaccidentandIaminsaneas
aresult.AndIwilladjustallmyidolthreatstosuggestifIharmanyoneitwillbemyself.Sothe
onlyfishIamgoingtoeatinfiniteamountsofismyselfandthefishIambecauseIamclearlya
fishoutofwaterasaresultoftheaccident.ThemeekerIlookthemeekertheyassumeIam.So
themorearrogantIsoundthestrongerIambecausetheywillassumeIamarrogantwhenin
realityIamsimplyforcingthemtoassumeIam.SonowIwilladdthislinetothestartofmy
book,Ihadanaccidentandismademeextremelyarrogantandselfcentered.Iwillalso
dedicatethisbooktomeonlyandthenfollowitupwiththearrogantandselfcentered
comment.EverythingIsayattheendofthetopicImustremindthereaderIamwrong.AndIam
remindingthereadernowthatlastsentenceiswrong.Imustuseselfcontrolandnotsuggest
everythingIsayiswrong.ImustonlysuggestthethingsIknowareright,arewrong.Andof
courseIamwrongaboutthatalso.
Sohereisourplan.
Thenexttimeyougotoanybookstoregotothespiritualsectionandseeiftheyhavemybooks
instock."Everythingyoushouldknowperhapsnothing."Sofartherearetwovolumesoutbut
therewillbeathirdvolumeoutsoon.AndiftheydonothaveitinstockraisehellandsayWhy
don'tyouhavethisgreatbookinstock.Thentheymaysuggesttheywillorderitforyou.And
thenyousay,Iwillgotoaproperbookstorethathasthisbookinstock,Iamunabletowait,I
needthebooknow.Thentheywillsay,Iamsorrytoinconvenienceyou.Thentheywillorder
thebookandmakesureitisinstock.ThatwayIcanmakemoremoneyfasterandthenIcan
sendyoumoneytobuymoreofmybookssoyoucanfindlinkstomycrappysongsinmybooks,
andlistentomycrappymusic.

Sothatstheplan.Thebookisinallmajorbookstoresonline.Iwillstartgoingtomylocalbook
storesandusingthesamestrategytoday.Thisway,ifthestorebuysmybooktoputontheir

308

shelf,theybuyit,soImakemoneywhetheranyhumanbuysitornot.ThiswillalladdupsoIcan
sendyoumoneytobuymybookssoyoucanfindlinkstomycrappysongsandthebooks.Itisa
perfectplanaslongasyourdefinitionofperfectishorrible.Imeanaslongasy9ourdefinitionof
horribleisperfect.WaitIamwrongabouteverything,Iforgot.Oneistrulyinsanewhenthey
attempttodelicatelysuggesttheinsaneareinsane.

MyshrinksuggestedIbecameinsanefromplayingthevideogametosuchamentalextreme.
Myshrinksuggestedmyadvancedagewasprobablywhy.

Attheageof40,whileengagedinameditativeretreat,Muhammadreceivedhisfirstrevelation
fromGodthroughtheAngelGabriel.
http://www.islamicity.com/mosque/uiatm/un_islam.htm#HDMBP

SopleaseavoidlisteningtowhatIsay.Callmyshrinkandaskthem.
Pleaserest.Youaretiredandneedtorestswiftly.

[13:54]<Heimdall>IwillattempttoexplainsomethingbutkeepinmindIaminsane
[13:54]<thecap>sure
[13:54]<Heimdall>Scoeitysuggestsoneshouldgetaneducationsotheycangetajobandmake
money.
[13:55]<thecap>indeed
[13:55]<Heimdall>Nowonewhohasemotionsreadsthesentncewithconsciousmindandtakes
itonfacevalue.
[13:55]<thecap>whatsentence?
[13:55]<Heimdall>Onewithnoemotionsusesthesubconsciousmindandreadsthatsentence
as
[13:56]<Heimdall>Ifyoudonotgetaneducationyouwillnotmakemoneysoyouarealoser.
[13:56]<Heimdall>sokidswhodonotgetanedcuationblowtheirbrainsoutmentallyor
physically
[13:56]<Heimdall>Sosocietydoesnotknowwhatitdoes
[13:56]<thecap>perhaps
[13:56]<Heimdall>everyonessubconsciousgetsthemessage
[13:57]<Heimdall>butconscioussee'sadifferentmessageorthefacevalue
[13:57]<thecap>defilements
[13:57]<Heimdall>ifonesuggestyouaresosmart,subconsciousreadsyouarenotsmart
[13:57]<Heimdall>soitsreadsthereverse
[13:57]<Heimdall>ifonesaysIloveyou,theubconscioushears,ihateyou
[13:58]<Heimdall>soemotionsaddcontrast
[13:58]<thecap>notnecessarily
[13:58]<Heimdall>grantediaminsane
[13:58]<thecap>whenexeggeratedunnaturally,thenperhaps

309

[13:58]<Heimdall>ifonesays,youneedmoneytoliveortobuyfoodtolive,subconsciousread,
ifyoudonothavemoneyyoushouldnotbealive
[13:59]<Heimdall>somanytakethatadvice
[13:59]<thecap>yes
[13:59]<Heimdall>sowhoeversasyoneneedsmoneytolive,doesnotknowwhattheyare
saying
[14:00]<Heimdall>allofsocietyingenralsaysoneneedsmoneytolive
[14:00]<thecap>dependsonthedefinitionof'tolive'iguess
[14:00]<dcnstrct>anditdependsonthedefinitionofmoney
[14:00]<Heimdall>allofcivilzationsaysthat
[14:00]<thecap>moneyisoverratedforsure:)
Aslongasthesunstopsshiningonewillstarve.
moneyandsanityinrequiredtofunctioninwesternsociety
<thecap>are*
<Heimdall>themoreitsrequiredthemoreitfucntions.
Theknivesprefertostabasopposedtoplow.
Theydowhattheydowell.
roymansays:
hi
Lestatsays:
hi
roymansays:
pleasecaniseeyou
Lestatsays:
Yes
roymansays:
sendyourpicplease
Lestatsays:
Iprefermypicisneverseen
roymansays:
ok
roymansays:
sorrydisturbingyou
Lestatsays:
Youarenot,iampleasedtospeakwithyou
Lestatsays:
Igetbannedfromsomanychatroomsallicandoistalktoyou
roymansays:
butilikeknowthepersonwhoispeakwiththem
roymansays:
ok
roymansays:

310

youcantalk
Lestatsays:
ipreferaknifebecauseitkillsslower
roymansays:
ipreferthatyoustillalive
roymansays:
whatstheproblem
Lestatsays:
theknivesprefertostabasopposedtoplow
roymansays:
no
Lestatsays:
theydowhattheydowell.
roymansays:
who
Lestatsays:
whencivilizationsuggestsoneneedsandeducationsotheycangetmoneyandbehappy,the
consciousmindreadsthatonfacevalue
Lestatsays:
an
Lestatsays:
Butthesubconsciousmindreadsthatas,onewhohasnoeducationandnomoneyisunhappy
Lestatsays:
somanychildrenkilltheirselfiftheydonothavemoneyandaneducation
Lestatsays:
socivilizationdoesnotknowwhatitsays
Lestatsays:
sotheknifeiscivilization
roymansays:
butmoneydontmakeman
Lestatsays:
itsnotmoney,itsoneswhohaveemotionsbecausetheydidnotturntheothercheekon
emotions,onlyuseconsciousmind
Lestatsays:
sooneswithemotionsgoaroundsayingstuff,buttheyknownotwhattheysay,becausethey
didnotsubmittheiremotionsatthedoor
Lestatsays:
theydonotsubmittohumiliationsotheygetmadandencourageemotionsandendupwith
consciousmind
Lestatsays:
donotmakedecisionswhenyouareemotionalbecauseyouwillregretthem
Lestatsays:

311

Iseethatas,onewithemotionsonlymakesbaddecisionsandbadcomments
Lestatsays:
onewhodoesnotsubmittoinsultsandhumiliationanddoesnotturnthecheekonthem,isleft
withemotionsandbaddecisionsandbadcomments
Lestatsays:
sotheknivesareinfiniteandtheyliketostab

LambcurryisaclassicdishfromnorthernIndiaandthemostpopularofallcurries.Youcanvary
bysubstitutingotheringredientsinplaceofthelambandadjustingthecookingtime.
Onewithnoemotionsisunabletojudgetheysimplytellitlikeitis.AAchildsayswhatisontheir
mindandthesaneassumetheyspeakwisdombeyondtheiryearsortheyspeaktheirmind.
Thatsnotjudgment,tellingitlikeitisnotjudgment.Oneisunabletoseehowitisifonehas
emotions.Acopisforcedtoblocktheiremotionsbecausetheyseesomuchmiseryandgetso
frustratedwhenacopisdeterminetobeunabletoblockthoseemotionstheyareaskedtoleave
theforcebecausetheywilllettheiremotionsgetinthewayoftheirjob.Socopsdrinktomake
theemotionscausedbythejobgoawaybuttheyencouragetheemotionpleasureorsatisfaction
fromthedrinkitself,sotheysimplyencourageoneemotionandavoidanother,andthis
culminateswhenacopkilltheirselfmentallyand/orphysicallybecausetheycannottakeallthe
emotionsthathadbuiltupforsomanyyears.
Emotionssimplybegetemotions,soonehastoblockallofthem.

ThisisagameIinventeditiscalledWhoisstrongandwhowishestheywere.
Therulesaresimplyyougetagroupofpeopleasmanyasyouwish.Insulteachotheroneata
timeknowingitsagametoseewhogetsupsetfirst.Thisisaveryeffectiveemotionblocking
tool.Ifoneperceivestheyarenotemotional,theywillunderstandtheydoswiftly.The
underlyingobjectiveis,donotplaythisgameifyouaresomesortofmentalweaklinganddonot
playifyouaregoingtoholdagrudgeandbebitterafterthegameisdeclaredover.Thisgameis
onlyformaturebeingswhocanletgoofwhatissaidtothemoncethegameisdecidedtobe
over.

Itismarch272009andIdeterminedtoletgoofcigstodaybecauseIrealizedwithnoemotions
thereisnopossiblewaytofeelsideeffectsofwithdrawsfromnotsmokingoranythingelse.
Withdrawsfromanydrugisnotpossiblewhenonehasnoemotions.Thepainofthewithdraws
physicalormentalisjustsimplynotpossible.Onewithemotionscanwritebooksaboutwhyone
wouldfeelwithdrawsfromkickingsomedrugslikealcoholandheroineormethadoneorany
otherdrugsintheuniverse,thatissimplybecausetheyhaveemotionsandthinkwiththe
retardedaspectofthemindandthatisexactlywhattheywouldbelieve.Theywouldbelieve
whatisnotreality.Thatisalltheyarecapableofbelieving,nonerealityandthenmakingbad
decisionsanddeterminesbasedonnonreality.Funnyhowthatworksout.Withoutemotions
thereisnosuchthingassufferingandwhatlittlephysicalpainsensationareleftissimplyenough
togetyouby.Ofcourseextremephysicalpainispossiblebutwearenottalkinganythingshortof
extremephysicalpaincausedbyactualstimulilikeaphysicalinjurynotsomelittledrugsthatyou

312

dohaveenoughofinyoursystem.Thewholewithdrawsomecertaindrugssyndromeissimplya
nicewayofsaying,wewillmakeadrugssoyoucankickdrugs,thenwewillmakeadrugtohelp
youkickthatdrug,andthenwewillmakeadrugstohelpyoukickthatdrugswemadetohelp
youkickthattheredrugswemade,andthenyoucantakethisotherdrugstohelpyoumore.Itis
verysimplytotellsomeoneyouneedthisdrugsforyouheartcondition,ittakesmaturityto
correctthefactsomebeingusingtheretardaspectofthebrainsuggesthumansneedthree
mealsadaytobeginwithandcausealltheheartdisease.Sotheimportantthingis,oneshave
anyargumentwiththatstamenIjustmade,theyneedtogoutandagetafewcalculatorsso
theycanattempttofullyusetheretardaspecttpartofthebraintheyhavebeenlivinginfor
theirwholeloves.Becausetherealityis,thebeingwhoaccidentlyunlockthesubconscious
aspectofthebrain,anditdoesnothappenbutonceinalongwhile,bydefault,ownsalltheones
whodidnt.Soitisnotaphysicalcontrollingownership,itisaliteralmentalownershipbecause
thevictorgetsthespoils.Itisnotanargumentitisareality.Iwouldcheckoutoflifeinone
secondbutIamunabletohaveadesiretodoso,andIwouldstayinlifeinonesecond,butIam
unabletohavedesiretodoso,soIamremainfornoreasonatall.Ifthisworlddrivesyoucrazy
itisbecauseyoudonotletgoofyouremotions,sotheworlddrivesyoucrazybecauseyouwant
itto.Sosimplystopharmingyourself,becauseyoudonthavetoanymore.Iamafanaticthatno
onecanarguewith.Iamafanatic,peopleagreewith.Iamthefanaticthateveryonegetsbehind
andsupports.SoIamnotafanaticatall.Whenonestartsblockingorholdingintheiremotions
theydostarttogocrazybutthatisonlybecauseoneswithemotionsandwhoareusingthe
retardedaspectofthemind,theconscious,onlyseecrazyassomethingbad,butinrealitythe
crazytheysee,isthesubconsciousaspectstartingtoemerge,andalthoughittakessometime
forittofullyemerge,theonlythingthatwouldstopitfromemergingisifonestartstakingdrugs
totreatthecrazysymptomstheoneswhousetheretardedaspectofthemindprescribe
them.Thereisnosuchthinginalloftheuniversecalledanintelligentbeing,whousesthe
conscious,emotional,retardedaspectofthebrain.Itissimplyimpossibletobeintelligentand
haveemotions,ever.Sodonotliveinadelusionthinkingitispossible,iteverwillbepossible,
becauseitsimplyisnotpossible.Itisbettertoletgoofallemotions,cravings,anddesires,and
becomeamachine,thanitistoremainanabomination.Remindyourselftheauthorplayeda
videogametoanextremeandisinsane.Onehasnofearifonehasnoemotions;sightto
understandthereisnofear,isalloneiscapableof.IunderstandIwillhavetoletgo,ofthisbook
andofitsideassoon.IunderstandalthoughIwishtoholdontothisbook,thenextbookwill
bringanopportunitytocometonewunderstandings.SoIunderstandbylettinggoofonethingI
willinrealitybegraspingthenextthing.SoIwilleagerlyletgooftheonething,withthe
understandingIwillbeabletograbsomethingelsethatperhapswillassistmeinmyquestfor
progression.

iconsultedwithothersonthematterandtheymadegeneralizationsaboutthebasketofapples,
andIunderstandImustbecautioustoavoiddoingthat,becauseIunderstandsomeofthe
applesjustneedalittlemoresunlighttoripenproperly.

313

soiremindthereaderofthat,Ididnothavethisaccidentbecauseiwasholdingontomylife,I
hadthisaccidentbecauseiwassodeterminedmentallytoletgooflife.
LifesimplymentallykilledmeandsomehowIcameoutofitstronger.
Itookamentalretreatfromlife,itwastomuchforme,soijustisolatedmyselffromeverything
andsoughtwaystoendmylife,andsomehowidecidedtomasterthisvideogameandproveI
wassomething,andnowIunderstandIam.
ThelasttimeItriedtokillmyselfItooksomanypillsIwascertainIwoulddie,andsomehowI
feltIhadfinallydonesomething,andsoIwasactuallyrelivedIcoulddosomethingright,andsoI
justwenttosleepknowingIwoulddiefromthosepills,andwhenIwokeupthenextday,I
stoppedtryingtokillmyselfbecausementallyIdid.
SoIhavenothingtofearbecausetheaccidenttookmyemotionsandmyfortitudetoendure
whatihaveinmylife,certainlymeansIhavenofear.Ifearedmyselfandovercamethatfear.
ItisnotimportanttheworldunderstandswhyIwritemybooks,anditisnotimportanttheworld
understandswhatIsuggestinmybooks.TheonlythingthatisimportantisIunderstandwhatI
suggestinmybooks.Whenonedetermineslifeissimplyametaphor,onestopsknowinglifeand
beginsunderstandingit.Yourperfectflawsareperfectlygraceful.

Lettertosomeoneaboutsomething:

Iadmireyourcouragetodowhatyouthinkyoushoulddo.
Iunderstandmanypeopleinthisworldfollowtheherdandneverdowhattheythinktheyshould
do,forfeartheherdwillcastthemout.
Sotheyliveinfearofbeinganoutcast.Theysimplystopthinkingontheirown,forthesakeof
beingacceptedintheherd.Thatissimplyfoolishness.

Ihadsomemedicaldifficultiesearlyinmylifeandtheycaughtuptome,mentally,andIwent
throughaphaseoftryingtocommitsuicidemany,manytimes,andsoIalsomentallydied
many,many,times.Soonecansaywhatevertheywantaboutme,andattempttodowhatever
theywanttodoaboutme,butthefingbottomfinglineis,IamalreadyFingdead.Idiedmentally
alongFingtimeago.IfanyotherhumanbeingsuggestsIamnotdeadandIdidnotdiealong
timeagountomyself,thatissimplybecausetheyhavenoFingideaofwhattheyaretalking
about.
END
Sidenote:Iusecusswordssothatpeopledonotsay,Yousoundlikerobot.Thecusswords
enablemetogiveofftheimpressionIhaveemotions.IfnotIjustsoundlikearobotwithno
inflection.TheonecommentIgetmorethananythinginchatroomsis,whatisthatbotdoing.
Andthentheywholechannelstartssaying,Thatisabottheyarejustquotingotherswords,and
thentheysay,Whereareyoufrom,andIsay,Florida,andtheycantfigureoutwhatthehellis
goingon.SoIsaymorestuffandafterawhileanotherpersoninthechannelsays,someoneban
thatbot.SoIsimplysaycusswordssothatpeoplewillnotthinkIamarobot.Certainlyarobot
wouldnotcuss,sothatismystrategy.Thatismyonlysalvationinchatroomstokeepfrom

314

gettingbannedfromchattingistothrowincusswordsfromtimetotimeandsay,Iamfrom
Florida.Butitisalingeringthing.Itisneverapermanentsolution.Iunderstandthedefinitionof
impermanencebecauseIunderstandIdonotlastlonginchatroomswithpeoplewhosubscribe
todelusionsofrobotsinthechatroomwiththem.

WhatIfindfunnyisthatIamsittinghereworryingaboutwhatmayormaynothappenasa
resultofmybooksbeingpublishedandattheexactsametime,Ihavenocredentialsin
educationinanyrespectandunderstand,noonewouldeverbuyoneofmybooks.Ifsomeone
contactsmeandsaysIwanttoharmyouforwhatyouwroteinyourbook,Iwillbeeagertoask
themwhytheyboughtoneofmybooks.

Onecansuggest,Youarethegreatestofall.,andifonebelievesthat,theyaredoomed.

Commenttooneinprivatechat:

Thereisthishot,lukewarmandcoldparable,andiwritethatiseeitas,Islamishotbecauseiat
leastacceptsthebibleandthetorah,andtheChristiansarelukewarmbecausetheyatleast
acceptthetorahandthebible,andthentheJewsacceptonlythetorahanddiscounttheother
two,sotheyarecold.Ofcourseiamnotsayingthatistrue,Iamjustsaying,thatishowi
perceiveit.SomemayperceivethisissomesortofjudgmentbutIwillclarify.Humanbeingsare
alldifferent.Eachhumanbeinghastorowtheirownboatacrosstheriver.Thatisallthis
commentisasymptomof.Humanbeingsareindividuallyaloneuntotheirself.Theycanattempt
toherdintogroups,butthatisanillusion.Eachhumanhastheirownoarstorow.Noother
humancangetthemacrossthatriver.Nootherhumancanhelpthemacrossthatriver.Itis
simplytherealityofthesituation.Thereissimplynooneelsewhocanrowthatboatforyou.You
canattempttopaypeopletorowyourboatacrosstheriverbutwhenitcomesdowntoit,you
havetogetyourselftotheotherside.Youarestuckwithyourselfastheferryman.Thatiswhy
onlyyoucanunlockyoursubconsciousbyblockingalldesiresandcravingsforaboutthree
months,thatwillstartthecycleofsubconsciouscomingtolife.Youdonothavetopayanyoneto
dothatforyou,becauseonlyyoucandothatforyourself.Italwayshasbeenagameofsolitaire
anditalwayswillbeagameofsolitaire.Imaybeabletoassistyouinconsideringarowing
strategytogetacrossyourriver,butIunderstandattheendofthedayitwasyoureffortsthat
enabledthecrossing.

Somepeopleareverycourageoustorunaway,andsomesimplyrunawaycourageously.
Somesimplyrunawaytoavoidthericochet,oftheinsultstonestheythrew.
Theyunderstandtheinsultstoneispredictablebutitsricochetisnot.

Ihadanaccident.NowIwritebookstotryandproveitwasntone.Thisismystory.

Blockyourcravings,desiresandemotionsortheywillblockyou.
ThisisthelastbookIwilleverwrite,ever,andIwilldiscusswhythatis,inthenextbook.

315

Ihavetoavoidthefence,butiamonthefenceaboutthat.

withnoemotionsonehasnocontrastandthusonehasnojudgmentandthatisaccomplishby
submittingtoangerandhumiliationandothersattacks...thatsubmissionconditionsthe
emotionsaway

ihearthissongthatsaysLoveisallyouneed,andallihearisHateisallyouwillget.

ApartofmybeinghassuggestedtomeallalongwhilewritingthisbookDonoteverpublish
thesesentences.SothatisexactlywhyIpublishedthisbook,tosilencethatvoice,noother
reason.

Asadistisgoodatwhattheyare.

Ifonebeingcanmakeanotherbeingfearthem,thatbeingwinsbecausethebeingwhofearswill
makemistakes,becausetheyareemotional.Mightonlymakesmistakes.Humilityandmeekness
neverunderestimatethesituation.Fearterrorizestheonewhoisfearful.Emotionssuffocatethe
potential.Youareonlyscaredofthingsyoubelievecanscareyou.Ihadavideogameaccident
andforgothowtotelltime.Thisismystory.

Wrathblocksthelightfromreachingthetree;emotionsblockthetreefromreachingthelight.

Curiositykillsthecatofconsciousandemotions.Onereadsthisbookandtheybecomecurious
orquestioningandthatissimplytheabsenceofjudgmentandemotions.SothemoreIsay
apparentlythatmakesonecuriousthemoreoneisconditionedintosubconscious.ThatiswhatI
perceivehappens.

Doubtisthefirstsignunderstandingisontheway.

Whatisthemarkofthebeast?Emotions.So666isinsultsandjudgmentscausedbythemark,
themarkbeingemotionsandsenseoftime.Senseoftimecauseemotionsanjudgments,suchas
,thisistakingtomuchtime,youaresoslow,hurryup,Iamlate,getyourassingear.Itcauses
judgmentsandjudgmentscauseemotionsandasenseoftime.Theyareinterdependent.Beings
ateoffthetreeofKNOWledgeandthusstartedtoinsultandjudgeandthusobtainedthemark
ofthebeast,emotions,andthusbecamethefallenangels.Sothemarkisobvioustoseeandtell.
Anyonewhoinsultsothersorhasasenseoftimeorhasemotionshasthemarkofthebeast.So
theyarethebeast.Soyoublockyouremotionsafterreadingthis,becauseyouareunableto
arguewithit.IamatadpastassumingImightbewrong.Simplythinkhowmanypeoplehave
losttheirlivesandkilledothersinsomanyways,becausetheyperceivedtheyneededtoget
somewherefast.Theyperceivedtheyhadtorushandthatmeanstheymademistakes.Rushing
makesonemakemistakes.Sowithnosenseoftimeselfcontrolisveryimportantbecauseoneis
unabletotelliftheyarerushingornot.Itisonlymarch27andIhavetillTuesdaythe31stbeforeI

316

startgettingthisbookreadytopublishwhichwilltakeabout1daytoproofreaditand
compresseditintoasmallerformatbecauseitissimplygoingtobehuge.AndIalready
understandthenextbookwillrivalthisone.SoifIslowdownmybookswillsimplybetoobigto
print.IhavenoideawhatIhavelefttowriteaboutbutsomehowIalwaysthinkthat.Iwillwake
uptomorrowandhavesomethoughtsandIwillsimplydecide,IneedtowritethatdownsoI
dontforgetit.Soitactuallyveryhardtostopwritingapparently.Itisimpossibleformetostop
writingandIhavenolimitstowhatIwillwriteabout.
IunderstandIamgettingtoapointinthisprogressionwhereIamrunningoutofguidestoguide
me.IamawareIamgoingtohavetoenterunchartedterritory.SothatiswhatIgoingtotestme
whenIactuallyhavetoletgoofeverythingandforgeteverythingandsimplytrustmyown
instincts.

youshouldmakesurebeforeanythingelseyouarenotbeingmanipulatedbyothers.

Areyoujustasheeporareyoualeader?

Whyareyouasheep?Whyarentyoutheleader?
Soyouthinkyouworthlessandnotworthyofbeingaleader?Whydoyouthinkyouare
worthless?didsomeonetellyou,youareworthlessandyoubelievedthem?Thenyouare
manipulated.Andthatmeansyouareasheep.

Youunderestimateyourselfsoyoufeelyouneedfriends.
Seeicopythepostsisendyoutomybook.andthenipublishthem
SoyouarehelpingmewritemybookSoiamusingyouandIammanipulatingyou
Iamreadingyourmindandyouarenotevenhere.Howandthehellcandothat?Donttryan
guessyoujustaskyourleaderbecauseyouarejustasheepandyouarenotcapableofmaking
determinationsonyourown.Soyougofindoneofyourfriendsandaskthemtohelpyouto
figureoutwhoiam,soyoudoharmyourselfwiththinking...Youdonotdowellwhenyoustart
thinking,youknowthat,thatiswhyyouareasheep,thatiswhyyouaremanipulated,thatis
whyyouwillalwaysbeasheepandbemanipulated.

Einsteinattemptedtobeverydelicatewithhistheories.Whenthespaceshuttlegoesupinto
spaceandthenanastronautstaysupthereforawhileandthenthespaceagencysays,yeshe
actuallyisabityoungerfrombeingupinspace,theyassumetimechanged.Theyassume
somehowbeingupinspacemeansthatguybeattime.Einsteinsuggestedifamangoesaround
theearthatacertainspeedtheywillactuallybeattime,sotospeak.Timeisnotreal.Sothereis
nowaytobeatit.Theonlythingthathappenstoaspacemanwhenheisatthespacestationfor
alongtimeishisbodyitselflosesaslightsenseoftimeandthenitactuallyagesless.Ithas
nothingtodowithbeatingsomeabstractclockthatlivessomewhere.Itsallinthemindand
relatedtoonesperception.Thatiswhyonewhogoesthroughcombatcancomebackfromthe
warandlook20yearsolder.Thatiswhyonewhohasmuchemotionsandisalwaysstressedcan
dieatanearlyagefromheartproblems.Ifthemindthinksthereistimeyoubodyageslikethere

317

istime.Themoreemotionsthemoreonesbodyisawareoftimeandthefasteronesages.Thisis
whyMethuselahlivessolongandtheonesintheoldtestamentlivedsolong.Youcansimply
stressyourselfintoaearlygrave.Allthemedicaltestsshowthatthenormallifespanofahuman
is7080yearsinAmerica.Wellofcoursetheydobecausetheyassumeemotionsandasenseof
timeisnormal.Theyonlyrunthetestsonnormalpeoplewithnormalemotions.Thebodies
senseoftimeiswhatkillsit.IamnottalkinggoingaroundandsayingIhavenosenseoftime.I
amtalkingthebodyitselfunderstandsthereisnotime.Thattakesemotionalconditioningto
achieve.Allthesebrainrelatedconditionscausedbyagearesimplythebrainwithemotions
attachedisonlyworking10%andthatanoverestimation,soitreallyisnotverydifficultto
understandthatitsprettymuchdeadanyway.Tenpercentofacarisnotacar.Tenpercentofa
planeisnotaplane.Youcansayyouhaveabrainbutifyouhaveemotionsandasenseoftime,
youhaveadeadbrainatbest.YoucangoonandonandgetemotionalaboutthingsItellyou,
butitsimplydoesnotchangereality.

ItsMarch2820098amEST.

Billwokeuponedayandrealizedhiswifewasnotinbedwithhim.Herushedintothekitchen
andfoundapotofcoffeeonwithanemptycupnexttoit.Therewasanoteonthecounterthat
hadabloodstainonitanditsaid,Youwillfindherinthecellar.Billwasfrightenedsohegot
hisshotgunandloadeditandputonsomeslippersandarobeandheadedoutsidetothecellar.
Heopenedthecellardoorsandslowlystartedwalkingdownintothecellar.Abouthalfwaydown
henoticedhiswifestandinginthemiddleofthecellarroominanuprightposition.Shehadon
blindersandearmuffs.Heyelledouttoherbutshewouldnotrespond.Hereachedthebottom
ofthecellarstairsandashesteppedoffthelaststep,hehitagreasespotandfell.Thegun
dischargedandheaccidentlyshothiswife.Herushedtoherside.Shewasbreathingheavilyand
inherdyingbreathsaid,Ididthistoaddalittlespicetoourlifeonourfortiethanniversary.
Themanforgotitwastheiranniversary.Hewasovercomewithgriefandthenturnedthegunon
himself.Aneighbornoticedthecellardooropenandhappentolookinside,andsawthecouple
deadandwentmad,andwasputintotherapy,andneverrecoveredfromwhathesaw.Thenext
dayinthenewspapertheheadlinesreadMankillswifeandthenself.Thearticlesuggeststhe
policefoundthenoteinthekitchenwhichleadthemtothebodiesinthecellar.Thepolice
suggesteditwasapremeditatedactbecausethemanleftthenote.Thenewstationsuggested
theywerenotcertainwhythemankilledhiswifeandhimselfbutthemanhadnocriminal
history.Thetownsuggestedtheywereshockedsomethinglikethiscouldhappenintheirtown.

Thewifehaddesiretospiceupthemarriagesoshewrotethenoteandsetupthecellar
situation.Thatwasamistakebecauseitgotherkilledandthuskilledherhusbandindirectly.The
husbandhadfearcausedbyassumptionsfromreadingthenotesohegrabbedhisshotgun.The
policeassumedthenotewasfromthehusbandandthusdeterminedheintentionallykilledhis
wife.Themediabelievedthepolice.Themanwhowitnessedthebodieswastheonlyonewho
didnotmakeamistake.

318

Theobviousmoralofthestoryis:OneswithEmotionsareonlyabletomakebaddecisions.
Moraltwo:Oneswhoarementallydeadareonlyabletogothroughexistenceattemptingto
provetheyarementallyalive.
MoralThree:Thedeadareonlyabletoattempttoprovetheyarenotdead.

MoralFour:Theonlybeingsinexistencewhoarealivearetheoneswhounderstandtheyarenot
alive.

MoralFive:Thegreatestdiscoveriesarealwaysaccidental,askthemanwhoaccidentlyopened
thecellardoor.

Iprefertoavoidteachingthedead,Isimplywritebooksandthedeadwhodesiretounderstand
theyaredeadwillbuythem,andthedeadwhowishtoremaindead,willnot.

Thatgivesmemoretimetowritemynextbookwhichwillprovewhythedelusionsareallcaused
bytheillusions.

Onemightsuggesteverythingisrelativetotheobserver,anditreallysuckswhentheobserveris
blind.
Thebeingwiththemostconvincingargumentconvincesallthevotershowtovote,sothatbeing
isthedictator.Soonlythewisebeingswillavoidvotingbecauseiftheydovote,theywillvotefor
theonewiththemostconvincingargument,andthusbecomesheep.Thefoundingfathersgave
everyonearighttovotesotheycouldseparatethesheepfromthewiseones.Thefounding
fathersdidnotallowwomentovotebecausetheyunderstoodthewomenwerealreadywiseand
wouldnevervoteandfallforthattraptobeginwith.IfIsuggestIbuiltabridgeandyouare
allowedtojumpoffofiteventhoughyouwilldie,andyoujumpoffofit,yourejustbraindead.
IfIsuggestedyouareallowedtovoteeventhoughyouwillonlybedoingthebiddingofa
dictatorwiththemostconvincingargumentandthusmakeyourselfaslave,andyoudoit
anyway,youarebraindead.Sobeforeyouignoretheteachingsandthesuggestionsofthe
foundingfathersyouremindyourself,theirwaysarefarbeyondyourabilitytoeverunderstand.
Theyappeartohaveoutdatedideasandoutdatedsuggestions,butinreality,theirideasand
suggestionsonlyappearoutdatedtotheoneswhoareoutdated.Theoneswhoareoutdatedare
theoneswhoneverunderstoodwhatthefoundingfathersweresaying,tobeginwith.

IwillattempttoexplainwhoGeorgeWashingtonwassincenotonehumanbeingalivetodaybut
me,knowswhohewas.

WashingtonappearedbeforetheSecondContinentalCongressinmilitaryuniform,signaling
thathewaspreparedforwar.CongresscreatedtheContinentalArmyonJune14;thenextday
itselectedWashingtonascommanderinchief.Therewasnoseriousrivaltohisexperience
andconfidentleadership,letalonehisbaseinthelargestcolony...Heaskedfornopayother
thanreimbursementofhisexpenses.WIKIPEDIA.COM

319


WashingtonappearedbeforetheSecondContinentalCongressinmilitaryuniform,signaling
thathewaspreparedforwar.

Heappeared.Hisclothingleteveryoneknowhewasreadyforthebattle.Nowweunderstandis
wasnotabattlebecausehewasunabletolosethebattle.Evenwithnearlynomenorsupplies,
hestillroutedtheBritish.InendalltheBritishunderstoodwasthattheyshouldhavenever
messedwithWashington.

CongresscreatedtheContinentalArmyonJune14;thenextdayitselectedWashingtonas
commanderinchief.

Congresslabeledagroupofmilitiaasanarmy.Theywerenotanarmy,theyweremilitiaor
patriotsnomatterwhatcongresslabeledthemas.Congresscanlabelmoderndaymilitiaas
domesticterroristbutthatmeansnothing,themilitiastodayarestillthepatriots,andtheonly
relevantforceinthelandofthefree.Anythingthatlabelsthepatriotsorthemilitia,adomestic
terroristthreat,onlyprovesitisatyrant.Themilitiaisfreedom.Themilitiaistheonlythingthat
standsbetweenthetyrantandfreedom.Nomatterwhatanyonewantstosaythemilitiais,the
militiaisonlyabletobefreedom.Itistheonlyrelevantforceinthelandofthefree.Allother
forcesinthelandofthefreearetyrannicalforcesandserveonlythetyrant.

Therewasnoseriousrivaltohisexperienceandconfidentleadership,letalonehisbaseinthe
largestcolony.

Ofcoursetherewasnorivaltohim.Hewastheman.Hisabilitymadeallotherssubmitandbow
becausetheyunderstoodtheywerenomatchforhim.Onemightsuggesthisbrainpowerwas
perhapsjustslightlyabovethebrainpowerofeveryoneelse,andeveryoneelseknewit,so
therewasnopointinneedingtovotewhowastheman,itwasunderstood,whothemanwas.

Heaskedfornopayotherthanreimbursementofhisexpenses.

SoGeorgeWashingtonrequestednopay,becausehegavefreely.Perhapsyoushouldgetyour
calculatoroutandattempttofigureoutwhatthatmeans.Perhapsthenexttimeyousuggestyou
requirepaymentforanythingyoudo,youwillremindyourself,youwillneverbelike
Washington.Washingtononlyrequestedhebegivenalittlefoodandwhateverittooktokeep
himaliveandgoing.Nothingmore.Nothingless.Weasanationhaveinsultedthismans
integrityandhonorandcourageandwisdomtosuchanextreme.OnlyIamabletounderstand
whatwehavedonetothismansnameandwhatwehavedonetohismemoryandwhatwe
havedonetohisperfectplanandwhatwehavedonetohisperfectideaofalandofthefree.We
sayheisourfoundingfatherandthenwekillhim,everyday,ineveryway.Iwouldmeethimin

320

personandthenkillmyselfinfrontofhim,becauseIwouldbeunabletotellhimIamsorry,in
anyotherway.Thisnationisdoingthebestitcan,consideringitisblindandinsanebeyondthe
realmsofblindandinsane,soIfindnofaultwithanythingitdoes.Thiscivilizationisdoingthe
bestitcan,consideringitisblindandinsanebeyondtherealmsofblindandinsane,soIfindno
faultwithanythingitdoes.

Donotblockyouremotionsforthreemonthssoyoucanunlockyoursubconscious,becauseif
youdothat,youwillunderstandwhatyouhavebeendoingallalong,andyouwillbeunableto
handlethesufferingandgnashingofteethyouwillmentallyexperience.
IhavenorighttotalkaboutWashington,thatisoneright,Idonothave.Iamunabletojustifyan
idiotlikeme,talkingabouthim.Iinsulthimbybeingalive,thatisanindicationofhowgreathe
is.
IwillnowgoplaymyvideogamebecauseIdonotfeellikewritinganymoreatthismoment.I
needtoconsultwithmyadvisor.Therehasneverbeenanyleaderinthisnationthateven
comparestothefounderofthisnation,ifyouattempttodisprovethat,youwillonlyproveyou
areaFingidiot.OnemightsuggestalltheotherpresidentsfellshortofthegloryofWashington.
Remindyourselftoblockyouremotions.Remindyourselftheoneswhohungaround
Washington,wealsotheoneswhocreatedthebillofrightsandtheconstitution.Remindyour
selfthewordsubconsciouswasnotinventedatthetimetheywerearound.Remindyourselfthey
maynothavebeenawareofwhyWashingtonwashowhewas.RemindyourselfWashington
maynothavebeenawareofwhyhewashowhewas.Remindyourselfhindsightis
20/20.Observationisthefirststeptoprovingsomething.Withoutobservationnothingcanbe
proven.Withoutobservationthereisnothingtoprove.Withoutproofthereisnothing.Without
observationthereisnothing.Whatavalidobserveriscanonlybedeterminedthrough
observation.Avalidobservercanonlybedefinedbyavalidobserver.Ignoranceisblissuntilyou
understandyournot.Accidentsaregreatuntilyouunderstandtheywerent.

Iwillleaveyouwithsomethingtoponder.Theinvention,theinternet,enabledtheonlinevideo
gameinvention,theonlinevideogameenabledmetohavethisaccident,andthataccidentis
whyIwrotethisbook.Somyquestiontoyouis,whoisthepuppetandwhoisthepuppet
master?
OhIforgotsomething,theinventionofthecomputerenabledtheinternetinvention,andthe
inventionofthevacuumtubeenabledtheinventionofthecomputer.

Ihavedeterminedtoendthisbookatthismoment.March28200912:16PM.
ImaydecidetowriteanotherbookorImaydecidetoneverwriteanotherbookever.

ThisiswhereIstartedtowritebookfourandthensimplyjustaddedittobookthree.
Themostimportantpartofstartingabookistostartwithasentence.Thesecondsentenceis
usuallyfiller,likethisone.Thenisimportanttosetthebackground;March2820096:28PMEST,
likethat.Therestisdownhillaslongasyourdefinitionofdownhillisuphill.Mygoaltoalways
losesoIwinmuchmoreoften.TheworsemybooksarethemoreIwinandthenIdonoteven

321

havetoeditthem,solosingisagreattimesaver.Iwillnotbetellinganyjokesinthisbookever.
Lifeisnotajoke,itisserious,andalthoughitisaseriousjoke,itnonethelessisaseriousone.If
youjustgoaroundsayinglifeisajokeitwillonlyencouragelifetotellmorejokes.Because
peoplestarttoalsosaylifeisserious,lifenowthinkslifeisaseriousjoke.Sothenextthingyou
knowlifestartstellingmorejokesbecauseitunderstandsitisaseriousjokebecausepeoplekeep
saying,lifeisajoke,andthensaylifeisaserious,atthesametime.Sothenstartsincorporating
hiscomedyroutineintopeople.Thenextthingyouknowyouhavemanyseriousjokeswalking
roundandthentheystartsaying,likeisajoke,andlifeisserious,sothatonlyencourageslifeto
getabiggerheadandthenlifestartsincorporatingitcomedyroutineintoitself.Lifeactually
calledmeandsaiditreadmylastbookandsaiditreadthepartaboutblockingonesemotions
anddesiresforthreemonthsandtheywillunlocktheirsubconscious,andlifesaidthatwasthe
bestithaseverheard.IthankedlifeforitscomplimentsandnowIthinkIcantelljokes.Sothe
lastthingIamgoingtodointhisbookistelljokesunlessyoureadmylastbooksandunderstand
thatwasahugejokeanditmakesupforthefactIwillnottellanyjokesinthisbook.Ihave
simplymadeupmymindtonotbethoughtofasonewhotellsjokessopeoplewillpossibly
understandIamajoke,toattemptsuchafeat.Iwenttothebookstorewithmyinfinitewrath
potentialandIdidsomeexperimenting.Icametotherealizationthattherearewaytomany
booksinthatstorethatarewaybetterthanminesoIhadtokeepremindingmyselfmygoalisto
notsellanybooksthenIwaspleasedthatIhadaverygoodchanceofaccomplishingthat.Isaw
somecolorfulbooksandIalsosawmanypeoplelookingaround.AtfirstIjustsawoneperson
lookingaround.ThenIsawafewpeoplelookingaround.BeforeIknewiteveryoneIlookedat
waslookingaround.Thewholestorewasfullofpeoplelookingaround.Isawonepersonsitting
downandtheyhadnobookinfrontofthem,yettheywerestilllookingaround.Ithoughtthatis
spookyhowmanypeoplewerejustlookingaround.IwasnotlookingaroundIwascertainofthat
Iwaslookingatallthepeoplelookingaround.IwenttowheremybookwouldbelistedandI
noticedIwaswayoutclassed.Okayenoughcraptalk.IhavetoremindmyselfIamheretoinflict
punishmentnotpleasure.Idonotwantyoutolikeme.Idonotwantyoutohateme.Idowant
youtodoanythingatall.Thewholeconceptofnothingnessisinpartawaytopersuadeones
withemotionsandwhouse.000001%oftheirbraintonotdoinganything.Itissimplybestif
oneswhoareessentiallybraindeadavoiddoinganything,sooneswhohavefullpowermentally
canavoidsufferingasaresultofwatchingtheotheronesdothings.
ItisimportantforyoutounderstandIamsoinsaneformtheaccidentevenpsychologistsbelieve
whatIsay.IamsoinsanewhenIspeaktothemtheysuggestIdonotdotheirdrugscauseIdo
notneedthem.SoIamonsomenewlevelofinsanityneverbeforeseen.Iattempttopersuade
othersIneedhelpandthenIsimplyenduppersuadingthemIdonotneedhelp.Thentheystart
tocometoconclusionsaboutthingsIsay.SoIaminadifficultsituationhere.Iwillgiveyoua
veryclearexampleofwhyIamgoingtomentallydestroyyou.Herbodywasfoundinherlaw
officewith38stabwounds.Herhusbandofjustmorethanayearischargedinherkilling.Now
thebookspurposeisrevealed.SonowIhaveachievedforeshadowing.Nowyouareawareofmy
motivation.Thatiswhatyoudowithyourwordsandtheytranslateintoeveryoneyoucomein
contactwith.Soitisonesimplything.Youareevilincarnate.TheproblemwithevilincarnateisI
detectitandeliminateitwithwords.AndIamsoeffectiveatdoingthat,Ieliminateitwithwords

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byaccident.Iaccidentlyeliminateit.Ieliminateitsimplybyaccident.Sowhatdoyouthinkyour
chancesarenow.Perhapsyouassumedyouhadachance.Perhapsyouassumedyouhada
choice.Perhapsyouassumedyouhaveachanceinhell.NowIgointomyfavoritepartofthe
bookwhereIconvinceyoutostopreadingbecauseifyoudonotyouwillmentallybeeliminated.
Iwillattempttotellyouthetruthbutyouwillnotunderstandthetruthbecauseyouareonly
abletounderstanddarknessandconfusion.IcanonlyhopeIhaveinsultedyouenoughbynow
youwillbecomeemotionalandconfusedandputthisbookdown.Iwantyouto.Idonotwantto
eliminateyoumentallyIdoitbyaccident.Iamsimplywritingbooks.Youmayperceivethisis
somekindofheadorreversepsychology,butitisnotlogicalonewouldwritebooksandthen
attempttopersuadethereadtonotreadthem.Whywouldanauthorwriteabookandthen
attempttopersuadethereadernottoreadthem.Thatisinsanity.Itisinsaneforapersontogo
toallthetroubletowriteahugebookandthenbeforeitevengetsstartedtheyattemptto
persuadethereadernottoreadit.
Parentsareonlypleasedwhentheirkidsoutdothemwhentheparentsgetasplitoftheprofits.
YousimplyperceiveIpublishbookstomakemoneybecauseveryothersinglehumanbeingthat
isalivepublishesbookstomakemoney.Theysimplydo.IfIchargedfromybookproperlyyou
wouldnotbeabletoaffordthemevenifyougavemeyourlifeinreturn.Sothatalonerulesout
allthevaluablematerialthingsintheuniverse.Ipublishmybooksforme.Ihavenosenseoftime
andnoemotionssoIcantrememberwhatItype.SoIgetafewfreebooksfromtheoneswho
publishmybooksandthenIkeepthemforasouvenir.Yousimplyperceivethesearesomesort
ofselfhelpbooks.Thatisanillusionyouperceive.Selfhelpwouldmeanyouaregoingtoblock
youremotionsforthreemonthsandunlockyoursubconscious.Andyouaregoingtoblockand
avoidallcravingsanddesiresforthreemonthstounlockyoursubconscious.Andyouaregoingto
startbyblockingthemostdestructiveemotionofallfirstwhichislove.Whydontyoureadthe
boldtextonthepagethatyoureadamomentago.Hehusbandstabbedher38times.Youare
unabletoevengraspwhatthatmeans.HereiswhatyouthinandthenyouwillknowIreadyour
mind.Youthinkthathusbandwasjustabadhusbandandneededmedicaltreatmentand
perhapshadhislovescornedandsohewasbitteranddecidedtostabhiswife38times.
Thetruthis,andyouareunabletounderstandtruth,civilizationitselfisevilincarnatebecauseit
suggestsoneshouldloveandsoitalsosuggestsoneshouldcovetbecauseitsuggestsoneshould
getmarried,andifonedoesnotgetmarriedandcovertandloveonesdoesnotgetproper
benefitssuchasmoneyandcertainprivileges.Thatiswhatevilincarnateis.Evilincarnateiswhat
Idetectandaccidentlyexterminate.Iaccidentlyexterminateevilincarnate.IdonotperceiveI
ameventypingwisdomoranythingthatmeansanything.IperceivemyhandstypeswiftlyandI
perceiveIhavethisdetectionability.SoIamcarefultowarnareaderwhohasassumedIwrite
thesebooksforthemtoread,theybetternotreadthem.Itisonethingtoattempttodo
something,itisanotherthingtodothingswhenonedoesnoteventryto,andatthesametimes
oneunderstandsthatiswhatwillhappen,andatthesametimeoneattemptstowarnothers,
andatthesametimeoneisawarethosewarningwillgounheeded.SoIsimplyusedtohave
emotionsandasaresultoftheaccidentInolongerhaveemotionsandsoanyonewithemotions
thatreadmybooksorhangaroundme,willhavetheiremotionsribbedfromthem,anditisnot
myintentiontodoit.Onemayperceiveitissomemiraclethattheywillunlocksubconscious.

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Thatissimplywhatonewithemotionsthinks,becauseonewithemotionsthinksinreverseof
truth.Onewithemotionsisthereverseoftruth.Theyknownotruth.Theyonlyperceiveliesare
truth.Thatissimplywhatonewhoisbraindeaddoes.Theirbrainisnotfunctioning.Itissimply
notfunctioning.SoonewithemotionsmayperceiveiftheymeetmeinpersonIwouldbesome
meanevilbeingouttogetthem,butinrealityIwouldbeveryfunnyandveryrelaxedandmake
themfeelrelaxedandsomehowexterminatetheiremotionsovertime,andwhatgoeswiththat
istheirsenseoftime.Sothatoneisessentiallyraped,andtheywanttoberaped,sotheyarenot
raped.Sonotyouunderstandwhywordsarestupid.Theydonotwork.Onewhoisbraindead
perceiveswordswork,butonewhohasafunctioningbrainunderstandswordssimplydonot
workonanylevel.Isimplyunderstandthebraindeadbelievewordsandbelievesinwords,soI
usethemtofurthermygoals.Buttheyarenotmytotalstrategy.Theyaresimplyatinyportion
ofmytotalstrategy.IamunabletotellhowmuchcontactIcanmakewithsomeonebeforethey
aregoingtobeemotionallyexterminatedmentalwise.Iamunabletoperceivehowmanywords
orsentencesIhavetotypeorspeakuntilitistolateforthem.IhadaballparkfigurebutI
cannottrustit.Headlineslikethisaregoingtostop.EmotionaltributeshonorfallenItisnota
matterofwhetherIamabletomakeitstop.ItisasimplefactIamunabletoavoidmakingit
stop.SoyounowunderstandIamnottryingtoexterminateonesemotionsandsenseoftime,I
simplydobyaccident.ImustselfcontroltonotstarttalkinginpubliconawidescalebecauseifI
starttalkinginpubliconanysortoflivemedia,itwillbedevastatingtooneswhodesireand
cravetokeeptheiremotionsandsenseoftime.AtthesametimeIalreadyunderstanditistoo
lateforthemanyway.Thebooksareout.Iwouldliketobelievethatsimplyisanillusionanda
delusionofonewhoisfullyinsanefrommanyyearsofdepression.Depressionsoextremeone
actuallywentfullcircletoanunknownstateofmind.Somewherebetweenfulldepressionand
fullhappiness.Butthetruthofthematteris,Iunlockedsubconscious.Subconscioussimply
detestsemotions.Iamuncertainwhy.Iperceiveitfeedsonthemoritgetssomesortofpleasure
fromexterminatingemotions.IcantellinonesIhavealreadyturnedbyaccident,theygo
throughasimilarphaseasIdid.Theemotionsbecomeverystrongasthesubconsciousstartsto
takehold.Theybegintolosetheirtemperswiftly.Buttheyregainclarityswiftlyalso.The
subconscioushasalreadytakensuchafoothold,theemotionsaresimplyposturing.Theyposture
becausetheyunderstandsomehowtheyaredefeated,sotheyarevainintheirattemptstocome
back.Iperceivetheyhavebeenincontrolforsolong,theyarejustliketwitchesoraftereffects.
Similartohowananimaltwitchesafteritiskilled.Thenervesaredoingtheirlastdance,butthe
animalisdead.Somewithemotionsperceivethisunlockingofsubconsciousisawonderfulthing.
Theyperceivetohavethismassivebrainpowerwillchangeeverythingandmaketheworlda
betterplacebecausetherewillbelessemotionsandsotherewillbelessvainkillingandwars
andgreedandhateandenvy.Thatistrue,butthatishalfthestory.Thatissimplyahalftruth.
Onewithemotionsmayperceiveitiswonderfultobeabletotellthefuturewithouteffortand
readotherbeingsandcreatureswithouteffort.Butthatissimplyahalftruth.Itisnotpleasantto
seeapet,andunderstandfromthatseeingofit,itwillbedeadsoon,andnotbeingabletodo
anythingaboutit,andnotbeingabletofeelsadorlosswhenitdoesdie.Sosomeofthese
peopleinthisworldwhoencourageenlightenmentandencourageothersinwaystounlock
subconsciousmaynotbeawarethatiswhattheydoing.Theyattempttomaskitsfulleffects.

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Perhapstheyarenotenlightenedenoughtheirselftounderstandthis.Perhapstheyarestuckat
alevelwhereitispleasingandsotheyassumeitispleasingforeveryone.Theyperhapsassume
theyareatsomesortofplateau.Theyperhapsassumetheyareatthetopoftheprogressionand
thentheymakeajudgmentcallthatthisiscertainlyhowitwillbeforeveryone.Sothey
themselvesaredoingharmandtheyarenotevenawareofit.Itsimplyisharm.Thereisnosuch
thingasperfectpeaceorperfecthellmentally.Thosearesimplyillusions.Thereisjustasmuch
mentalhellinmentalheaven,itsimplyplaysoutindifferentway.Thisisajokebeyond
understanding,LightsgooutacrossplanetforEarthHour.Icanassureyouthelightsonplanet
earthasfarasbeingsmentalbrainfunctionhavebeenoutforthousandsofyears.Theproblem
witheverythingisdogma.Somegetallweirdandsuggestthathastodowithreligiousdogmabut
Ifullyunderstanditisdogmaitselfthatistheproblem.Onemaysaytoascientistssomething
aboutyogaandinstantlyredlightsstartflashingintheirmind.Thisisdogma.Someonesaysstem
cellresearchtoacatholicandthatcatholicstartsloadingtheirguns.Someonesaysbeertoa
hardliquoraffectionatoandthewarhasbeenwaged.Seepeoplewhoarehardcorespellingfans
alsogetallweirdwhentheyseeawordmisspelledbutthentheypassuponwordlike
affectionatoanddonotunderstand,thatistechnicallynotaword.Theycanmakeargumentson
howtheyhaveseenitaroundtown,butinrealityitissimplysomemadeupwordwithno
meaning,exceptinthemindsoftheoneswhouseit,notinthemindsofdictionary.com.
HereissomedogmaIhaveaftertheaccidentandchangeofperception.WhenIhearsome
authoritysuggestdrugsdoharmtothebrainandshouldbeillegalsogreedymoneymaking
drugpusherscankilleachothertobeabletosellthedrugstopeople,allIreallyfeelasfaras
dogmaisthat,onewithemotionsandisliterallybraindeadtobeginwithcertainlyisunableto
harmtheirbrainanymorethanitalreadyis.Sotheseexpertsgoaroundwiththisinfinitestickup
theirbuttpushingtheirowndogmaoneveryoneelseabouthowbaddrugsare.Andthenwhen
Mexicoisincivilwaroverthedrugstheycomeontheshowandattempttoprescriberemedies.
AndsomyownpersonaldogmagrowsbecauseIamattemptingtoavoidsuggestingoneswith
emotionsandasenseoftimeshouldhavetheirmouthmedicallyclampedshutsoIdonothave
tohearthemmumbletheirinsanityanylonger.Thebraindeadhavenothingofvaluetosay.
Theyonlyhavethingsthatarenotofvaluetosay.Thisconceptoffreedommeansonewith
emotionsandisbraindeadcangointolifeandspeak.Thatisfarmoredamagingtosocietythan
drugshaveeverandwilleverbe,period.Onebraindeademotionalabominationwhoisallowto
utterwordsforevenonesecond,doesmoredamagetosocietythandrugscombinedand
multipliedbyinfinitywilleverbeabletodo,period.Sonowoneunderstandseverythingis
relativetotheobserver.IhavesubconsciousunlockedsoIamabletoconvinceanyonewhois
braindeadofanything.ButIcertainlydonotgoaroundpushingonepointofvieworanother.I
canpushallpointsofviewandalwayspushthemtotheextreme.ButIchoosenottobecauseI
amnotbraindead.AllIwilleversayis,onewithemotionsisbraindeadandiftheyblockall
emotionsandcravingsforthreemonthstheywillstartacyclementallythatwillunlock
subconsciousandthentheywillnotbebraindeadandtheywillactuallybebrainalive.Thatis
notdogma,thatisreality.Itisnotgoodorbad.Itisnotanopinion.Itisnotevilorholy.Itisnot
rightorwrong.Itsimplyis.AlthoughIunderstandthatisreality,Idonotwantyoutodothat.I
preferyoudonotdoanythingatall,ever.WhenonewhoisbraindeadstartsdoingstuffIget

325

verylabelcentered.IputmybooksunderspiritualityandmindbecausethelastthingIwant
anyonetoperceiveisthatIamonsomeonesside.Iamonmyside.Iprefertoavoidanysideyou
maybeon,ever.IactuallygooutofmywaytoavoidbeingonanysideyoumaythinkIshouldbe
one.IisolatemyselfsoIdonotgiveyoutheimpressionIcaretobearoundyou.Ipreferyounot
thinkIcaretobearoundyou.IdidnothavemyaccidentbecauseIlistenedtoothers.SosinceI
havemysubconsciousunlockeditwouldproveIdonothavemysubconsciousunlockedifI
suggestedanyonelistentome.Icaneasilythrowbiglabelsinfrontofmynameinavainattempt
topersuadepeoplementallytolistentome,butthatsimplyprovesIambraindead.Somyname
isToddandneverlistentoanythingIsay,ever.Iperceivethatisawisesentenceandoneworth
listeningto.ButIpreferyoudontlistentoit.Youshouldavoidlisteningtoanythinganyonesays
aboutanything.IhearothersopinionssoIamabletounderstandwhatcourseofactionIwillnot
betaking.Ithelpsmeeliminatemanyoptionsswiftly.IheareveryoneopinionandthenItakethe
opinionsthatnoonementionsandIpickfromthose.Thattomeisawisestrategy.Iwasbornon
adesertedislandandIprefertostayhere.Ihidewhentherescueboatcomesalong.Ipilerocks
justoffshoreincasetherescueboatgetstoclosetomyislandbecauseifitdoesIwillsinkitand
lettheonesonboarddrownedinthesurf.IprefertheydonotmakeittoshoreandiftheydoI
swiftlythrowthembackintheroughestpartofthesurfuntilIunderstandtheyaredrowned.Ido
notwantanyoftheirexpertopinionstoruboffonme.Subconsciousmindtranslatesexpert
opinioninto,theoneopinionyouwanttosticksharpsticksinyourearstoavoidhearing.
Subconsciousmindhearsthewordauthorityandtranslatesthatasabraindeadsheepwhois
repeatingtheopinionsofotherbraindeadsheep.IprefertoavoidbraindeadsheepbecauseifI
becomeabraindeadsheepagainIwouldbeemotionalandstartsheeringthesheepuntilthere
wasnothingleftofthesheeptosheer.IprefernottogivetheimpressionIwanttobelike
anyoneever.IprefernooneperceiveIamonyoursideinanymatterever.Whateversideyou
areon,Idonotwantanythingtodowiththatside.IprefertostayonmysideoftheriverandI
gotogreatlengthinfactinfinitelengthstoensureyouneverreachmysideoftheriver.Iwillsink
yourboatifIevenperceiveyouareattemptingtoreachmysideoftheriver.Ifyoudetermine
youwillswimtomysideoftheriverIwillensureyoudrownedoneachattempt.WhenIwasat
thebookstoreIaskedtheclerktocheckifmybookwasinstocksoIcoulddetermineifIshould
moveittoamorevaguesection.Theydonothaveadonoteverreadthesebookssection,soI
havetosettleforalabel,spiritualityandmindsection.Theclerkaskedforthenameofmybooks
andItoldhim,andanotherclerklaughedatthenameofmybook.Ofocursetheydidnotknow
thatwasmybookIwasspeakingabout.Sotheylaughatmeandtheydidnotevenknowit.And
atthatverymomentIrealized,thejudgedmeandtheydidnotevenknowit.Theymockedthe
titleofmybookanddiscounteditasworthlessandtheyneverevenreaditorreadwhatitis
about.BecauseiftheydidreadittheywouldunderstanditdiscusseswhatIamgoingtothem
andIwillIamunabletofailatdoingtothemandtheirjudgmentsandtheycertainlywouldnot
belaughingthen.Theycertainlywouldnotbelaughingiftheyunderstoodwhatthattitlemeans.
Theycertainlywouldnotbelaughingiftheyunderstoodtheveryfactthattitleisintheir
computersystemandintheirinventory,meanstheyaredoomed.Theyaresobraindeadtheydo
notseetheirowndeathwhenitisstandinginfrontofthem.Thereasononeswhoarebraindead
shouldnotjudgeisnotbecauseitabadorevilthingtodo,thatsthethinkingofinsane

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emotionalabominations.Thatissimplyaconclusionstheinsaneemotionalabominationscome
to.Theysimplyalwayscometowrongconclusionsabouteverything.Thereasononeshould
avoidmakingjudgmentsbeforetheyunlocksubconsciousisbecausebeforetheyunlock
subconsciousthatisalltheyarecapableofmaking.Ajudgmentisawrongconclusion.Whena
judgesentencesapersontojailfor2yearsforrobbery,theyunderstandtheymadeabad
conclusionandabaddecision,whichiswhytheyarecalledjudges.Theyarenotcalledtruth.
Theyarecalledjudges.Truthwouldneverdetermineonewhorobsorstealsorkillsisinerrorto
beginwith.Onlyajudgewouldmakethatconclusion,andajudgewouldbeinerrorbecausea
judgeisonlyabletocometowrongconclusions.ButoneneedstoavoidthinkingIamtalking
aboutstrictlyajudgeasinacourtoflaw,Iamspeakingaboutanyonewhohasemotionsanda
senseoftimeandhasnotunlockedsubconscious.Sothetruthis,Idonotjudgeeverysingle
humanbeingwithasenseoftimeandwithemotionsasanabominationofthehumanraceand
hasnobusinessdoinganythingeverexceptblockingeveryemotionandcravinganddesire,for
aboutthreemonthstounlocksubconsciousstartingwiththeemotionlove.Thatisnota
judgment.Thatistruth.Ifabeingwhoisamemberofthehumanracedeterminestheydesireto
holduntoemotionsandcravingsanddesires,thentheyneedtoswiftlymakefuneral
arrangementsbecausetheywillbeattendingonesoonerthantheythink.ThenIwouldhaveto
remindoneswhatIjustsaidwasalsoalie.Itisaliebecauseonehasnochoice.Onewith
emotionsisunabletounderstandwhatthisaccidentmeans.TheyperceiveIamarrogantwith
thethingsIsuggestandtheyperceiveImakethreatsthatisbecausetheyarebraindead,andare
unabletograspthefact,Iamsimplypredictingthefuture,fromtheirpointofview.Iam
understandIamnotpredicatingthefuturebecauseIunderstandnosenseoftime.Iamsimply
sayinghowitisrightnow.IamsayingwhatIseerightnow,andthebraindeadwithasenseof
timeandemotionstakeitasathreatofwhatIamgoingtodointhefuture.Theyareunableto
grasptherealitythatitishappening,itwillhappen.andithashappenedattheexactsametime.
Withemotionsoneisbraindead.Sooneisunabletounderstandanything.Theyaresimplynot
capableofunderstanding.TheyperceiveImustbesomearrogantselfcenteredfool.Thatis
simplybecausetheyareunabletounderstandwhattheaccidentIhadmeans.Thatisexpected
becausetheyarebraindead.Thereisnoproperthoughtactivitygoingonintheirbrain.There
brainisdead.Theyasbeingsaredead.Theyarethelivingdead.Theyarenotcapableofanything
intherealmofliving.Iamnotbeingreligious,Ispitonallreligionsandalllabelsandallbeing
whoembraceemotionsandhaveemotions.Ispitonallofthat.IspitonitandthenIstompitto
death.SodonotassumeIamheretohelpyou,Iamheretodestroyyou.Ifyouarewondering
whyIwritemybooksitisoneofmystrategiestodestroyyou.NotinasenseofwhereIwouldlet
upjustbeforeyouaredestroyed.Imeanbeyonddestroyyou.Beyondtherealmsof
understandingofthedefinitionannihilation.Idespiseyouandyouremotionsandyourlawsand
youridealsofwhatisproperandwhatiswrongandwhatisrightandwhatistruthandwhatis
lies.IspitonallofthatandIwillannihilateallofthat.AndIwilldoitaccidently.Sodonotever
assumeyoucanspeaktome.Youdonothavethatluxury,ever.Idonotwishtospeakwithyou,
ever.Ispitoneverysinglethingyoustandforandbelievein.Iamnotonyoursidenomatter
whatsideyouareon.Idestroysides,andIannihilateallsidesequally.SoavoidassumingIamon
yourside.Iamnotonyourside.Idestroyallsidesequallyandbyaccident.SonowIwillcreate

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wordsthatwillcreatetheillusioninthemindsoftheoneswhoarebraindead,thatIamwise
andIcantelljokes.Thebraindeadarebraindeadbecauseofemotionsandtheyareonlyableto
thinksequentially.Theyperceiveifwhatthisinsanepersonwhohadavideogameaccidentsays
istrueallwehavetodoisburnallthebookshepublishesandinsistsnootherpersonreadsthe
booksever.Thatissimplyanindicationhowcompletelyoutclassedthebraindeadarecompared
tothepowerofsubconscious.Iwillnowannihilatetheillusionscalledcontrolbydestroyingthe
illusioncalledlaws.WhenIamfinishedyouwillhavenoargumentwithitandyouwillsimply
understandcontrolandlawsareillusionsandmeannothing.Iwillfirstattacktheintellectual
propertylaw.SoIwritethisbookandgetitcopywritten.Orcopyrighted.Whateverthehellyou
thinkitis.SothenIassumeIhavecontroloverthewordsItyped.IassumedIhavecontrolover
thesentencesIcreated.InrealityIdonotrememberthesentencesItypedevenafteronepage
oftyping,IsimplydonotrememberwordsIonlyrememberthespiritofthebook.Sothatmeans
ifsomehumanbeingtakesmybookandphotocopiesitandgivesittoanotherperson,Iam
unabletoenforcethecopyright,becauseIdonotrememberIevenwrotethosesentences.Soif
onewhoenforcessuchacopyrightlawcomestomeandsuggeststheycaughtsomeonebreaking
mycopyrightlawofmybooksIwillremindthem,IhavefindnofaultwiththeireffortsbecauseI
fullyunderstandIneverownedthesentencessinceIdonotevenrememberwritingthem.SoI
amunabletoenforcethecopyrightformyperceivedintellectualpropertybecauseIperceiveitis
notmypropertytobeginwith.SoIhaveacopyrightonmybooksbutIwouldcertainlynever
enforceitnomatterwhatanyoneinthisuniverseeversuggestedperiod.SotherealityisIgetmy
bookscopywrittensoIcanwriteinmybooksIwouldneverenforcethatcopyrightIhaveonmy
books..SoIcopyrightmybookstomakeapointinmybooks.SoIsubscribetoalawandmake
sureIcopyrightmybooksandthenIturnaroundandneverapplythatcopyright,soIspitinthe
faceofthatlaw,andIdoitinordertohavesomethingtowriteabout,becauseIamgoingto
writeinfinitebooksnomatterwhat.Lawsareonlyvalidifyouperceivetheyarevalid,inreality
thereisnosuchthingasalaw.Thelawofthelandisstrictlyrelativetotheobserveroftheland.I
amsuggestingalawagainstallemotionsandIamsuggestingalawthananyonewhodesiresto
keepemotionswillhavethemrippedfromthemnomatterwhattheywantorwhattheyvoteor
whattheythink.Soitisnotalawitissimplyreality,andoneisunabletofightwithreality,
becauserealitydoesnotanswertoanyonebutitself,nomatterhowmanypeoplevoteand
suggestrealityshouldheedtheiradvice,realityspitsintheirfaceforevensuggestingtheirvotes
makesadambitofdifference.Voterscanvoteintoinfinitythatmurderisagainstthelawand
evenpersuadeotherstogetintoprisoncellswhentheyarejudgedbyajudgewhoenforcesthe
lawsthevoterscreate.Butwhenthesameexactsocietygoesoutandcreatesanarmyandgoes
aroundmurderingpeoplewhoitdeterminesbyitowninsaneconfusedlogiccausedbythefactit
isbraindead,itonlyprovesitisinsaneandanabominationtothewordhuman.Itdoesnot
matteratall,ifonecanarguemurderisjustified.Onecancallmurderloveandifonebelieves
that,itonlyprovestheonewhobelievesthathasnobrainfunctionanylonger,becausethatone
isunabletothinkontheirwon,sotheyareonlyahindrancetolifeandshouldexterminatetheir
selftosavemethetrouble.Becausetherealityis,Iwilldoitforthemanditisnotrouble
becauseIwilldoitaccidentlybyaccident,onpurpose.Iampleasedwiththecomment,No
problem.Yougoaheadanddowhateveryoudesiretodo,becausewhateveryoudo,thelast

328

thingyouwillunderstandiswhohadthelastwordandwherethebuckreallystops.Whydont
yougoaheadandmakealawthatsaysIcannottypewhatIwantandIcannotpublishbooksI
wanttopublishandthenyouwillrevealtothesocietyyouaresimplyadictatorandtyrantin
needofchecksandbalancesbythemilitia.Andwhenthemilitiacomesforyourheadyouwill
attempttoresistandsimplyrevealyouarethetyrantandthenitwillinstantlycreatedsomany
militiayouwillonlydetermineyourheadwillbeseveredswiftlyandcleanlyandwithout
hesitation.Therealityinrealityis,thebeingwiththemostconvincingargumentistheonlybeing
thatisrelevant.Thatiswhatfreedomofspeechmeans.Iisjustthefactthattheoneswhoare
braindeadcausedbyemotionsareunabletocompetewiththatreality.NowIwillprovewith
wordstheUnitedNationsissimplyadictatorandatyrantwhenIamfinishedyouwill
understanditisadictatorandatyrantandyouwillhavenoargumentwiththat,andsoyouwill
foreverunderstandthatisareality.Ifabodyofbeingwhoarebraindeadvoteonanything,and
thenenforceit,underthesuggestionthatbodyisanauthority,theyaresimplyadictator.Ifa
largergroupofbeingvotetoallowthatsmallerbodytomakelawstoenforcethenthatlarger
groupofvotersarealsodictators.Sotheunitednationsdeterminesanothercountrysuchanorth
Koreasisinviolationofalawtheunitednationsvotedon.Thatiswhatadictatorshipis.Ifnorth
Koreadeterminesitwishestoexperimentwithnewrockettechnologyandisinnoharming
anyoneinitseffortsandtheunitednationssuggestsitisbreakingalawtheunitednationsvoted
on,enabledbyalargerbodyofvoterswhovotedtoallowtheunitednationtomakelawsto
enforceonothers,theneveryoneininvolvedisadictatorandatyrant.Andtheonlythingone
candowithadictatorandatyrantassuggestedbythefoundingfatherofmycountryisto
ensuretheydieslowly,sotheotherdictatorswillthinktwicebeforeevermakingalawto
enforceonothersagain.Adictatorissimplyonewhoconvincesotherstovotetoallowthat
initialonetocallalltheshots.Welltheonlywaytoavoidthiseverhappeningistoneverallow
thattohappen.Whenonevotesoneallowsadictatorshipandatyranny.Thenextthingyou
knowthetyrantsonevotesforaremakinglawsinprivatetoensurethevotersrightsarelost.So
thepartythevotersvotedon,isthetyrant,becausethetyrantwillmakelawstomakethevoters
theirselfprisonersintheirownland.Thatiswhyanyonewhovotesisasadistandamasochistat
thesametime.Theyvotetoturntheirselfintoasalveandtheyalsovotetoturntheirfellow
citizensintosalves.Sotheyaretheirselfadictatorandatyrant,withinthecountryitself,sothey
areatyrantandthebodytheyelectisatyrant,andtheonlybeingsinthecountrythatarenot
tyrantsarethemilitia,becausethemilitiawantsnothingtodowiththetyrant.Themilitiaonly
desirestokeepthetyrantsincheckandthemilitiaispleasedtospillitsbloodtowaterthetreeof
liberty,intoinfinity.OfcoursethatissimplywhatIperceive.Iaminsanefromplayingavideo
gametoanextremesonobeingshouldeverlistentoasinglewordIeversay,ever.ApparentlyI
wentoffonatangentsoIwillattempttogetbackontopicincaseIamontopic.Iwillnowgo
praytothevideogamemachineandattempttofigureoutwhosfateIjustaccidentlysealed.The
nexttimeyoureadinthenewsaboutsomeonewhorefusestodisplaytheiridentificationata
trafficstop,youwillnowunderstand,youarewitnessingatruepatriotwhoisattemptingto
remindyou,youarelivingasaslaveunderadictatorshipandatyranny,soyoushouldavoid
makingfunofthatpersonbecausetheyhavemorecourageandpatriotismthanyouwillever
haveinalleternity,Iassureyouofthat.Thatpersonwhohasthecouragetostanduptothe

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tyrantisthepersonwhothefoundingfatherwouldnotslaughter,andeveryonewholaughsat
theonewhodoesstanduptothetyrantistheoneswhothefoundingfatherwouldslaughter
withouthesitation.OnecansimplyasktheBritishhowwellthefoundingfatherisableto
performwhathedoesbest.TheBritishunderstandthedefinitionofslaughteratthehandsofthe
foundingfatherbetterthananyone,Iassureyouofthat.TheBritisharewiseintheir
understandingofwhatthefundingfatherdoesbest.Thefoundingfatherslaughtersthetyrant
andhedoesnotrequestmoneytodoitbecauseheispleasedtodoitbecausehedoesitby
accident.Thefoundingfathersveryexistenceslaughtersthetyrantswhogetinhiswake.Ifone
hasasenseoftimeandthereforehasemotionsandthereforeisbraindead,becausetheyhave
nofortitudetoblocktheiremotionstounlocktheirsubconscioussotheywillnotbebraindead,
onewillassumeIamtalkingabouthistory.Ifonehasnosenseoftimeandhasnoemotionsand
thereforehasbrainfunction,theywillunderstandIamsealingfate.Theonewhohasnofateis
abletosealfate.Theonewhohasnotimeisabletosealtime.Theonewhohasnocaresisable
tocareleast.Theonewhohasnoemotionsisunabletoexperiencetheemotionssympathyor
mercy.PerhapsyouperceiveIamsealingmyfatebecauseyouaresimplyunawareIhavejust
sealedyours.Perhapsyouneedtopunchintoyourcalculatorinanattempttofigureoutwhothe
hellIam,becauseIperceiveyouonlyhaveafoggyidea.Therealityofthesituationis,Iam
unabletotellifanyonewilleverbeabletounlocktheirsubconscioususinganymethodIsuggest
becausethemoreIponderhowithappenedthemoreIunderstanditmaysimplybeaveryrare
occurrencethathappensinthecourseofexistence.Onemaylookatitlikeaflukethathappens
fromtimetotimeinthecourseofmany,manyyears.Onemaylookatitasatypeofgood
mutationthatcomesalongafewtimesinallofhistorywhentheexactrightcircumstancescome
together.Thereisnowaytosimplydoitonpurpose,itisonlyabletohappenastheresultofan
accidentwhenmanyvariableslineupintheproperalignment.ThewayIperceiveitiseach
separatecountryhasagroupthatstandsoutbecauseoftheirfruitsordeedsandtheyare
somewhatthesymbolofwhatothersinthatcountryaspiretobelike.Thenoutofthatgroupof
standoutsthereisafewwhoarethecreamofthecrop.Thenasonegoesbackfurtherinto
historythereareoneswhostandoutforthewholeofcivilizationandtheymakethecreamofthe
cropsforeachcountrylooklikenothing.Andthenthereareaselectfewthatmaketheentire
worldbecomefrozeninaweandwonder,andthecivilizationofmankinditself,isforeveraltered
becauseoftheexistenceoftheseselectfewofthecreamofthecropofthecrop.Iperceivethis
isduetothefact,thatthepowerofthesubconsciousmindonceunlockedissopowerful,itsvery
existenceforevenabriefperiodoftime,changesallofcivilizationforeverandeverandever.I
alsoperceivetheoneswhoaretheseeliteoftheelitedonotintendordidnotintendedtobe
liketheybecame.Theysimplyhadtheirshouldertappedsotospeakandtheyhadnochoicebut
todowhattheydid.Soalthoughtheybecametheeliteoftheelite,thatwasnotsomeplanthey
workedoutandaccomplished,theysimplybecametheeliteoftheelite,becausetheyarethe
eliteoftheelite.Theybecametheeliteoftheelitebyaccidentandbynofaultoftheirown.It
wasimplythehandofcardstheyweredealt.Soremindyourself,youmaynotbeabletounlock
yoursubconscious,soyouneedtofocusonsimplyattemptingtoifyoudetermineyoushould.I
prefernoonesetstheirselfupforfailurenomatterwhat.Itsimplyisnotworthit.Sosimply
attempttodothebestyoucanbasedonyourunderstandingandletfatetakecareoftherest.

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Therealityoftheseeliteoftheeliteistheyallappeartohaveadifferentmessagetooneswith
emotionsasenseoftime.Sotheyareuntotheirownunderstandingonly.Iperceivetheynever
assumethisfalseleadershiproleorpowerrolebasedononeswithemotionsandasenseoftime
scaleofpowerandleadership.Theseelitearesopowerfultheyareanarmyuntotheirselfand
thisisanindicationofhowpowerfulthesubconsciousis,onceunlocked.Theseelitessimply
attempttodothebesttheycanbasedonthefact,theyareunabletounderstandthe
subconscioustheyaccidentlyunlockedtheirself.Theseelitesaythingsanddothingsandones
withemotionsperceivetheyaresomesortofmysteriouspowerhouseofwisdom.Therealityis
theyaresimplyattemptingtofigureoutorcometotheirownunderstandingaboutwhattheir
accidenthasdonetothem.Theyaresimplysocaughtupinthisunlockingofsubconsciousthey
havenocontrolof,theyaresimplysayingwordstoattempttofigureoutwhattheyshoulddo.
Andinthatprocesstheychangeoneswithemotionsautomaticallyorbyaccidentorasaresultof
thepowerofthesubconsciousbeingunlocked.Soonewithemotionswhoareessentiallybrain
deadincontrasttotheoneswhounlockedsubconscioussimplylabelthem.Iwillattemptto
avoidevennaminganyoftheseonesbecauseeveryonealreadyknowswhotheyare.Icertainly
donotneedtoremindanyonewhotheseelitesarebecauseeveryonealreadyknowswhothey
are.Everyonessubconsciousknowswhotheyareanyway.Iperceivethiscertainpeckingorder.
Incontrasttooneswithemotionstheseelitesarelightyearsbeyondineveryrespectofthe
word,butincontrasttotheirself,theelitesareconfused.Theyareconfusedabouttheirown
abilities.Sointhatrespecttheyareoutofcontrol.Butthatisrelativetotheobserver.Toan
observerwhohasemotionsandisonlyusingconsciousaspectofthemind,theyaregodlikeand
wiseonesandoneofakindthatcomealongonceinalifetimeandevenonceeverythousand
years.Totheelitestheirself,theyarehelplessuntotheirself.Theysimplyarealongfortheride.
Someoftheseeliteshavewrittenwordsandsomeneverevenhadtowritewords,yettheystill
impactedallofhistoryaftertheyweregone.Andthatisnotanabsolute.Theywillcontinueto
impactallofhistoryuntiltheendoftime.Thatagainisanindicationofhowpowerfulthis
subconsciousaspectis.Onemayattempttolabelthissubconsciousaspectininfiniteways.One
willsimplygoaroundincirclesintoinfinityattemptingtoexplainit.Someperceiveitbeyond
understanding,soperceiveisitsomeformofsupernaturalforceatwork,someperceiveitis
simplyawonderofnature.Butallofthesedescriptionsfallshortandareintheendreducedto
irrelevance.Sooneswithemotionsaresimplyfightingwarsovertheseelitesthatcamealongfor
shortperiodsoftimeandareattemptingtolabelthem.Theykilleachothersimplytoprovetheir
labeloftheeliteswastherightlabel.Sotheyareinaway,insane,duetothefacttheyactually
killothersbecausetheyattempttolabeloneoftheseelitesandtheirsubconsciousisunableto
doitever.Ifonewithemotionswereabletobepleasedwithhowtheylabeltheelitesitwould
beatpeace,butitisimpossibletolabeltheelitesinanyway,shapeorform,sotheseoneswith
emotionsareinmentalhellbecausetheytrytoforcetheirperceivedlabeltheyhavecometo
accept,ontoothers.Sotheelitesoncegoneassowpowerfulfromwhentheywerealive,they
arestillbeingfoughtovermanyyearsafterthefact,andtheywillstillbefoughtovermanyyears
afterthatintoinfinity,simplybecausetheyareunabletobelabeledever.Sotheelitesattempt
topersuadeoneswithemotionstonotkillothers,becausetheelitesunderstandmanywillbe
killedintheirquesttolabelthem,farintothefutureandfarintoinfinity.Sotheelitesarenot

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suggestingoneshouldnotkillothersbecausetheyareteachingortellingsomedoctrine.They
aresofaradvancedduetothesubconsciousaspectbeingunlocked,theyareattemptingtostop
themassivekillingtheyalreadyunderstandwillhappenasaresultoftheirownexistenceand
theyareattemptingtodothis,becausetheyunderstand,theyunlockedtheirsubconsciousby
accidentanddidnotwantallthedeaththeyindirectlyaregoingtoencouragebyoneswith
emotionsinsistingtheirlabeloftheeliteistheproperlabel.Iperceivemystrategyistoexplain
everythingIcan,inhopessomewillunderstandandthenwillavoidmakingthemistakesthatwill
certainlyfollow.Mystrategyissimplytoencourageasmanypeopletoconsiderunlockingtheir
subconsciousaspossible,sothatIwillberelegatedtonormalcy.Iperceivethefasterbeing
subconsciouslydominateisnormal,thebetter.Iamcertainlynotinitforthemoney,moneyis
notgoingtoserveme.Moneyisnotgoingtohelpme.Igiveawaymywritingstothosewho
decidetheywantmeto,becausemygoalisnottocontrolorisolatewhatIunderstandtobe
truth.MygoalistoattempttocommunicatewhatIperceiveistruthaftertheaccident,butIwill
noteversuggestwhatIperceiveistruth,isabsolutetruth.SowhenIseealltheworldand
considerallthepeopleintheworldIhavetoremindmyselftheworldisimplydoingitsown
experimentsanddoesnotneedmyremindersordirectionoradviceever.

IunderstoodthisonMarch292009at5:50PMEST.Iperceivethisisthefarthestanybeinghas
everseen.Iunderstandyouasabeingmaynotwanttoreadthisnextpart.Iunderstandonce
youdoreadit,youwillwishyoudidnotreadit.Existenceasweunderstanditisinrealityhell.
We,aretrappedinhell.Thisiswhathellis.Iamunabletoeverstayoncue.Iamunabletoever
reachaperfectunderstanding.Iamunabletoeverbeatpeace.Iamunabletoeverstayonthis
perceptionthateverythingisperfect.Ikeepgoingbackandforthfromoneextremetotheother.
IseeperfectionthenIseehell.Thatiswhwthellis.Itsinfinitesuffering.Iaccidentlywokeupand
foundoutIaminhell.Iaccidentlywokeupandfoundoutweareinhell.Buttherealityis,
whateverwedidtogethere,wecannotescape.Weareineternalhell.Weareineternal
gnashingoftetth.Thereisnoesacpefromhell.Youcankillyourselfphysicallyandmentallyover
andoverandover,andyouwillstillcomerightbackheretohell.Becausewhatevereachofdid,
someothertime,wearedammedtohellforeternity.Thisishell.Thisiswhathellis.Thereisno
satisfactioninhell.Onecannotevergetsatisfaction.Onesimplygoesfromoneextremetoother
andisneverabletorestinanysortofpeace.Andwhenonediesandsaystheyareatpeace,they
simplyareatpeaceuntiltheyfigureoutandcomebacktohell.Itishell.Thisishell.Weare
trappedinhell,andalthoughIwokeupandundertandthatandtellthattoyouandyou
understandthatnow,itdoesnotmatter.Thatiswhathellis.Nothingnessbecausenothing
matters.Itisinfinitesufferingandinfinitemiseryandinfinitehateandinfinitewarandinfinite
deathandinfiniteunderstanding.Oneisunabletoeverreachtheend.Sonow,youknowthe
situation.Youmayperceivesomeeventwilldestroytheearthandwewillallperish.ButIwill
remindyouthesunisntgoingburnoutanytimesoon.Youmayperceiveweneedtosavethe
earth,butinreality,youcantescapefromhellnomatterwhatyoudo.Doyouthinkpeopleare
alloutkillingeachotherformoneyandmaterialthingsandstupidbeliefsandstupidinsane
meaninglesscrap,forareason?Theyaresimplyinhellanddonotknowit.Iaccidentlywokeup
andrealizedweareinhell.WhatamIsupposedtosay,Icanthelpyou,Iamtrappedinhellalso.

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IdonotevenknowwhyIamtrappedinhell.Sowhenpeoplehearthisnothingnessthingand
say,wellwithnothingnessthereisnopointsoitsbadandmeaningless.Thatisbecausethey
understandsubconsciouslytheyareinhell.SotheysimplysayIdonotwanttowakeupand
understandIaminhell,IwanttoremainasleepinhellbecauseifIwakeupandunderstandIam
inhell,itwillbeunbearable.Butthetruthis,relativetothefactweareinhell,thereisnopoint.
Thatisthepointofhell.Itsisimplyinfinitesufferingandinfinitegnashingofteeth,mentally.But
inreality,whatthatmeansisonessoulorspiritisbeingtorturedforalleternity.SoIhopeyou
understandthatothersthroughtimehavewokenupandattemptedtotellwhatthey
understand,anditsimplycreatesmorehellandcreatesmorewarsandcreatesmoredeath,
becausehellishell.Hellisunabletodoinganythingbutcreatehell.Warishell.Helliswar.Ihave
thisproblem.ItisaseriousproblemIhavesincetheaccident.AndattimesIcometo
understandingsndIdonotwantthem.Iamunabletostopthem.Iamunabletoavoidthem.I
wanttohatethembutIhavenoemotionssoIcantdoanything.Icantevencryanymorenow.I
justtakethepain.Ijustsuckitup.AndthenIgofurtherintotheprogressionandIcometomore
understandingsIhateandIjusthavetotakethepain.SoIhaveaproblemIwanttotellyou
myproblem.IamneverFingwrong.Thatismyproblem.IcometounderstandingsandIhate
themandIwantthemtobewrongandIwantthemtobealiebutmyproblemis,Iamnever
FingwrongaboutwhatIunderstand,sincetheaccident.
MyproblemisnoonecanarguewithwhatIsay.Somyproblemis,IjustrealizedIaminhelland
weareallinhell,andIknownoonecanarguewithme.Thatismyproblem.Sonowyou
understandmyproblemandyouunderstandyourproblem.AndIfullyunderstand,thereis
nothingwecando.SothiswholetimesincetheaccidentIhavehadthisunexplainablefeelingof
doom.SoIamgoingwriteinfinitebooksandunderstandtheysaynothingatall,becausethatis
whatmyIdoasmyroleineternaldamnation.Sodontyoucomenearme.IunderstandIkilled
myselfatonepointsomehow.Icantseethatfarrightnow.Sowhenyouseemybookswithno
pagenumbersandnouniformityandnostructureandnoerrorcorrections,thatisbecauseit
doesntmatter,wearetra