JOSHUA SITTON

perfect contradictions
Table of Contents
Untitled 2
The Free Symphony 3
Passion 4
Growth 5
Open 6
Bride of Vanity 7
Revelations Rise 8
Requiem of a False Hope 9
#214E 10
Hello Goodnights 11
Sitting on my Shoulder with Sharp Red Horns 12
Why We Do What We Do 14
Evemore 15
The 7-11 on Love Blvd. 16
Driving the Memories Away 17
Taking the Dive 18
Perfect Contradictions 19
Untitled

You were once my greatest strength,

you are now my greatest weakness
You were once my greatest source of love
and yet now, you appear so loveless
You seldom call, when you do I melt
Remembering all of those things that I felt
Come any word delivered my way off your lips

You once were my only source of pride

The one in whom I could always confide
The one who listened to every word
and never forget a thing you had heard
Now I sit here and write, so distraught,
Remembering the things that you must have forgot
Forgotten is me, whom you used to treasure,
It impossible to measure, the weight of my heart in my stomach.

And just as I placed you in the back of my mind,

wrote you off, rapidly hope lost,
you dialed me up, a number i’m surprised you could find
and again i was filled with the sound of your voice
But you quickly announce that your lover’s in town,
and suddenly you wonder if I am around,
Yet until he showed up, you wouldn’t be found in my sight.

I wonder, has he asked you to take off my ring?

That silly momento that can’t mean a thing,
Oh, and, yeah, you’ll never guess what I found lying around
A brick that I picked up in some little town
It made me smile, until it reminded me of
The weight of my heart in my stomach.
The Free Symphony

The moon is up on the horizon

Through the clouds the night sky seen, blue as day
In my mind, I gaze upon a celestial symphony
each element has its part to play in the musicality

The moon lay low, instructing, composing

Rising in crescendo until it hits its peak

The clouds tempo, fast paced yet steady

The layers intertwined, providing a sense of the unknown

The stars twinkle in quarters, eighths, and sixteenths

Comets - crashing cymbals, full blown horns

The wind resembling strings in multitude

giving a sense of surrounding --- profounding

And I am the audience, front row, center

of a show that should be sold out every night
Yet - like so many things - it goes unappreciated, by most
It is not up for reviews, won’t be out on DVD

It is the world around the things that consume us.

So, please, buy a ticket to this celestial symphony,

It could put things in perspective, make you think about humility

But hear the music, write your Own words,

Go to sleep with a song.
Then wake tomorrow - deep breath - step out of bed
And see how life is when you go through your day,
with the universe stuck in your head.
Passion

Love is a passion everlasting,

A world of redemption for those who have failed;
Wanting to know you as you know yourself,
I wait for you here on the darkest of nights,

How wonderful it must be, what you see

When you wake in the morning, and fall into slumber each night
I want to know you as you know yourself,
to hear what you hear, to smell what you smell

All you deserve I could never live up to,

I struggle to give you all the love you are worth,
Love is a Passion, not an Obsession,
a feeling only described by the act of a touch,
I find it remarkable, the medicinal feeling
of my fingers through your hair as you drift off in peace,
Growth

A weak man takes time to nurse the pain,

A strong one takes it in stride
Each new day another chance
and one less place to hide
He presses on toward the goal
He strives to obtain the prize
and people can tell a difference in him
Through the yellow in his eyes

Such is love or the loss thereof

A weak man pities himself
But a strong man sees what lies ahead
Puts the past up on a shelf

The past is in books already written

History cannot be changed
But the life ahead is still being versed
No matter how it must be rearranged

As for myself, I was there in the past

I have been the places I’ve been
And now I must press on toward better tomorrows
And try not to look back again

Such was love and love I’ve lost

And, weak, I have pitied myself
But, now, head held high, a stronger man
I lay it up on that shelf
I write new chapters in a new book of love
and flip through the past as a reference
I learn from mistakes and cherished moments alike
and piece by piece, it makes sense

I don’t know if I will find true love,

Though it is my deepest desire
But if that moment comes my way,
I will rebuild that shelf even higher.
Open

Fast and furious, one week it took

Should have denied myself that second look
But now I know what all it takes
To rid your mind of the mistakes
And now, with what you’ve asked me to do
I know that I meant shit to you
A long hello, a quick goodbye,
Left without water to wither and die.

The CD skips on #3
How sad and ironic this seems to be
Fuck it, don’t fight it, just break it in two
Now that I know what it meant to you

The blood in my fingers is driving the pen

Pouring out feelings kept so deep within
Nothing but melodies run through my head
The music still soothing, but the words are dead.
Bride of Vanity

She wore him out

Searching for what could have been
He cares no more

He’s looking now to what’s within

This hatred that’s been creeping in
The evil causing him to sin
And bury those that knew them well

He’s scratching through

All the mistakes that caused him to give up his dreams
and fighting now what could have been
without those walls to hold him back
That caused his life to somehow crack
and spill the blood that flowed within.

He wipes away her bloody tears

and puts away the blade
Her reflection in the broken glass
shows the changes that he made
Outside now matching her cold black heart
He watches her beauty fade.

The bridge of her nose gives passage through

the crimson river that she cries
she suddenly begins to realize all hope is lost
if she must rely on personality
She’d rather die now that her looks are gone.

She died in pink,

A white dress drenched in blood
Forever stained

And on the day they lowered her into the ground

There were no flowers on the grave

And on the hedge stone all that was inscribed

HERE LIES THE BRIDE OF VANITY.

Revelations Rise

Revelations rise when dreams fade

Realizations of the price you’ve paid
Fighting for breathe yet pleading for death
of the life which you have so made

Torn between God and our lust for the Earth

A plague that has infected us since birth
Sin, the only word fitting to describe our deeds
The sort of demise on which the wicked mind feeds

God’s house, a place to hide and “play church”

Or a place of refuge to fall flat on your face
proclaiming that without God, you are nothing!
Crying out to the Lord to clothe you in His mercy

This Earth, a place to fit in and be cool

or a battleground for Christ, in who’s army you serve
Living the life, walking in light
Bringing people to Christ, not condemning them to Hell

Living a lie and loving life

Something is wrong if these coincide
Walking in sin, yet Sunday, a saint
There is one from which you can’t hide

Being a christian “independent” from Christ

Is a nail in the hand of the Lover of Souls

The death of the Son, the Love of the Father,

The redemption from sin, the resurrection of the Saviour

The ultimate act of mercy, we’ll live with for eternity,

If we simple belief and accept him internally.
Requiem of a False Hope

We tried three times to work things out,

But time hard-spent doesn’t always pay off,
It is hard to let go of what’s been life for so long,
But it is easier now knowing what you have done.

I tried forgive and forget, I tried let it go

Neither seemed to work out
I tried love conquers all, I tried time heals all wounds,
But denial turned out the real opponent

And now we are through --

at our bitter end,
And the taste of your kiss has turned sour --
Instead of counting the days til
we begin our life together,
I count the loneliness hour by hour.

In the past, I could look back on the good times we’ve had,
But the bad may have finally caught up with the best
Considering this, you would think I’d be glad
To end what was an inevitable failure.

But I’m not.

How can I love the shameless adultress,

who marred my heart with little, if any, regret?

She’s no faith in the true bond of love,

or simply cares less for love than for lust.

No more forgive and forget,

No more let it go...
‘cause those strategies never work out

But true love can conquer all, time can heal all wounds
If you ever find a love that is true.
#214E

Unnatural reactionaries
Viable beliefs
Indescriptive monologues
of who we claim to be

Consequential sacrifice
Undetermined malcontent
Incandescent youth lost to this place.

Don’t tell me that you know what’s going down

You never had a part to play in this
You were never anywhere around
me, when the world was falling down
So who’s to say that I shoud be there now?

Predetermined losses
Projected lack of gain
Spontaneous martyrdom
The only source of fame

Poisoned by complacency,
My life may seem ill-fated,
It can be a viscious killer,
Yet so often underrated

Don’t tell me that you know what’s going down

You never had a part to play in this
You were never anywhere around
me, when the world was falling down
So who’s to say that I shoud be there now?

So send me your condolences

In the form of misplaced sympathy
And watch me turn my back on all your shit.
Hello Goodnights

Daily I forget and let go of regret

Accept that there is not you and I
But then something hits me,
an email or a memory,
and again, it’s all about you.

I look at your picture today,

Start thinking about how long i’ve been away.
From your smile, your voice,
The look in your eyes,
And again, it’s all about you.

And now, I am here, you are there --- doing well

At night you’re my heaven, awake I’m in hell
Just thinking of your smile your voice, your eyes,
Please know. I do all this for you.
Please know that when all this is through
I’ll say Hello to goodnights and goodbye to saying goodbyes.

Could we ever be us again?

Would you have me as more than a friend?
I know that this subject had been null and void for some time,
But I can’t help remembering your smile,
The look in your eyes when we said our goodbyes,
Adn again, it’s all about you.

I cherish your picture today,

Start thinking about how long I’ve been away,
From your smile, your voice,
The look in your eyes.
And again, it’s all about you.

And now, I am here, you are there --- doing well

At night you’re my heaven, awake I’m in hell
Just thinking of your smile, your voice, your eyes,
When we said our goodbyes,
Please know. I do all this for you.
Please know that when all this is finally through,
Please know that no matter what role I must play,
I will be on your side, always on your side.
So say hello to goodnights and goodbye to saying goodbyes.
Sitting on my Shoulder with Sharp Red Horns
Always whispering in my head
I can’t even make out the words
I listen close with full attention
But my mind is lost in another place
I play it straight so they won’t find out
I’m loving living on the white cloud
I float to the doorway, I can’t get out
Why am I locked in this solidary edifice?
How do I break free from these binding
chains?
Seeing the world now as it really is
Realizing how absurd living can be
Wanting to love, wanting to fly
Wanting to be G R E A T, unforgettable
Wanting Her to know, and having her want me
Always with me while I sleep
To comfort me during awful dreams
The dreams.
Eat at my brain and cause me
to confront my negativity
Making me see that I’m not anything
That I will never go anywhere
I will make my mark
I will be a star
I will shine forever
If not here, somewhere far away
A place where I can live for myself
Be happy with all that I do
Where I can love myself
As much as I love others
The truth is I’m blinded
I refuse to see what’s real
I can’t bear to face the potential
Knowing that I won’t do it justice
My life does not matter enough
To try my best to live it well
I care for others instead
And please them
Everyone
I love to feel accepted, love to see them smile
But gone now, I sit alone and stare at the wall
Think of what to do with myself
Listening to the voices still
I begin to make out words
I realize that I have been writing now
I was unconscious of that fact
I am writing what the whispers tell me,
What they say about who I am
They say I lack confidence
They say I could shine
They say I have so much talent;
that it’s going to waste
They say I need to make up my mind
They say I need to be my own
They say to do what I know I should
They say to be more trusting
They say to be less guarded
They say that I am too critical; to give myself a
chance
Shut up! I say
I cannot face the fact
That I will never be that guy.
The one with all the magic
I’ll never be a magic man
I’ll always keep these dreams up my sleeve
Afraid to let them out
They’re all gonna laugh at you; point rudely
and stare
You’ll laugh along with them
Call your art stupid
That’s what you’ll do
And it will be your end
You die.
The critics wll murder you
They’ll kill you by rejection
You will fail to receive any valor
As you swallow their criticism whole
You’ll smile, say thanks, and leave with the
thought...
Next time I’ll get it right, yeah, next time is the
one.
I congratulate your optimism, but condemn
your denial
That you will never be worth it
to anyone, not ever yourself, not even her.
I look at him, his evil stare
I tell him that he’s probably right
But I’m not quite sure of it yet
That living seems worth another try
I slowly move the blade from my neck
Hands shake as it hits the floor
I close my eyes and bite my lip
Fear is now leaving my heart and soul
I grab that little devil, sitting on my shoulder
with his sharp red horns,
and I grab the blade up off the floor.
I say aloud to the creature, “Listen up”
That I have something to say...
I say that I don’t need him,
I say that life is sweet.
I tell him I’ll give it some more time
And maybe some more effort
And things may go my way...
I put the blade through his blackened heart
and walk out the door with a smile
So thankful for another chance to face the
world.
Why We Do What We Do

We fight for freedom

We fight without fear
We fight that we might see our loved ones next year

We fight for the stripes

We fight for the stars
We fight for the streets full of American-made cars

We fight for white collar and blue collar

alike
We fight with empty pockets
so that unions can strike

We fight for moms, fight for dads,

our husbands and our wives
The once for whom were proud to say
We’d gladly give our lives

We fight for the people, fight for peace,

and we fight for change
We fight for equality in all the world
asking nothing in exchange

Above all, we fight for freedom

Foremost, we fight for you
We are United States Marines
It’s what we’re born to do.
Evermore

You turn away, i stand alone in the rain,

The sweet taste of your kiss so soon turns stale,
Even before the rain, your cheeks were soaked with tears,
It must be the thought of all the wasted years.

I hate to see you leave, but you need to go,

Before i regain my ability to speak,
The words that i would have to say,
Would only make you glad to walk away.

In all this,
All i wish
Is that we could spend one moment,
Let’s keep on,
Pretending,
It’s not ending, not now.

My eyes evermore dry, i have no need for tears,

Yet my pain is visible in the falling rain,
I’m drowning in the sorrows i should feel,
Because now i know that none of this was real.

But still, in all this,

All i wish
Is that we could spend one moment,
Let’s keep on,
Pretending,
It’s not ending, not now.

Now, i turn away but leave you a gift,

You can keep the last part of me that’s alive,
My heart from my chest, on your front doorstep,
To pass by, step over, use as a mat.
The choice is yours, forevermore.
The 7-11 on Love Blvd.

The truth about love is it’s hardly sweet, I still think of your eyes.....
the human heart is a blood-pumping fist,
honest betrayal becomes courteous and
thoughtful, The way that you looked,
the principles on which a relationship should when i knew you had something to hide.....
stand.

Though you may be praised for your honesty, Your voice so convincing that all would be fine,
your actions have been forced by sound para- but your eyes needed time to decide.
noia,
it’s only when you are about to be caught,
I wish you listened to your eyes,
that your nobility and truth are made known.
i wish you’d kept up a convincing disguise,
i’d rather not know that i wasn’t enough,
Would you say that you love me to him?
too secure to be labeled your prize,
Like you tell me he’s only a friend,
too immune to the feel of your thighs,
would you cover your lies with the jacket i
bought, too in love to be considered wise,
as you come to me in the morning? so you got bored, and needed more,
an attention whore, come back to my door.
Well, it’s hard to let go of your love,
even when it’s been beaten to shreds,
sometimes all you want is someone to say yes, It’s always open.
even when you know it must be scripted.

After years, you would think i’d let go,

but alas, it has only been one,
i’m not one to rush, i like just to think,
she loved me enough to go behind my back,
and tried to spare me the feelings of hurt and
despair,
that were unfortunately to blatant to hide.
Driving the Memories Away
I remember the long miles on I-85,
Counting the numbers as the exits pass by,
It seems like forever since you were last in my
arms,
But soon, I will be there again.
I remember it well,
You stood in the rain as I parked the car,
And you ran to my arms,
And every step took forever.
Could you feel the change?
The feel of your body against mine.
Could you see the change?
Of the look in your eyes.
Could you hear the crack in my voice
When you said to yourself,
I never want to see him again.
I remember the moment I knew it would end,
Counting our steps as we walked hand in
hand,
It seemed like forever you were last in my
arms,
I knew I would say this again,
I remember it well,
The note that I left when I woke up,
Alone in your bed,
Our love left in the sheets.
I want you to know, and I know that you told
me,
I tried to guard my heart from you,
Tried to hide my love,
I need you to know that these miles seem
forever,
But love’s worth the drive, to have you in my
life.
Taking the Dive

Falling fast is not my style, but I’m already looking over the edge

And the longer I peer at the ground below,

the more I look forward to taking the step.

My usual self would stay close to the wall, clinging to what I fear.

But this person that’s coming now to the front

is not nearly as afraid to let go.

Let go of angry, let go of regret, let go of jealousy, pain.

Plunge into the light that’s now in my eyes,

and remember what it’s like to smile.
 Perfect Contradictions

She sees life as the doorway to freedom,

He sees freedom as the doorway to life,
She knows he’ll never understand,
He understands that she’ll never know,
His glass is full, overflowing,
Her glass is empty, leaking all hope,
He is glad she has her boundaries,
She wishes that she had his wings,
He knows she won’t go,
She knows he can’t stay,

Perfect Contradictions,

They both walk away.

 Joshua Sitton
3228 13th St NW
Washington, DC 20010