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Abstract
The Tend and Befriend theory builds on the observation that human beings affiliate in response
to stress. Under conditions of threat, they tend to offspring to ensure their survival and affiliate
with others for joint protection and comfort. These responses are underpinned by an affiliative
neurocircuitry that appears to be based on oxytocin and endogenous opioid peptides. When
close relationships are threatened or one is socially isolated, a rise in plasma oxytocin occurs, a
biological marker that may signal a need for affiliation: Oxytocin prompts affiliative behavior in
response to stress, in conjunction with the opioid system. Together with positive social contacts,
oxytocin attenuates biological stress responses that would otherwise arise in response to social
threats. These social responses to stress and their biological underpinnings appear to be more
characteristic of women than men. The model helps to unravel puzzles not only in the research
literature but also with respect to health and may shed light on why women live longer than men.
Gaps in Positive
Social Relationships
Elevated
Oxytocin
Affiliative Efforts
Social Contacts
Reduction in Stress
SNS
HPA Axis (Cortisol)
Negative Emotions
Positive Emotions
Figure 1. Tend and Befriend