1.1(]NK!

Instrumentauon
Two versions
6

are

availabie:

"piece and a 9-piece version

p!9!9
Reed (Flute

ACT ONE

Music

Scele One

Clarinet / Alto Saxophone)

Flugeihorn

Trumpet /
cuitar (Acoustic / Electric,u Steel)
Keyboard / Piatro Conductor
shndrd Drum Kn t&J

Music No. 1 A POULTRY TALE

(Drake,Ida, Turkey, Henrietta, Cat, Gnce, Maureen)
&ry o t in tlE country. The cotn r goldm
beginning of a Elonoa'
'unnd\
is
stacked
up in the neadal$. Standing in the
and
the
hay
the
aax
are
vLloo,
sr*n

is the

a sligbtb nalE
iunsb;ne is an oA famhouse, and bebind the famhouse
tlisbe*lkd. part of the fam, is a lahe. nrck beds of b reba sutound th kke aith
their s&t heads lihe siant ciga$ pointing sh\rd'd. The watet\ alge b a faaonte
neetiA pldce fat d ldietJ offam aninah, anl it k bere tnat @E dncoLv DLAKE
Lvsid" tbe udter. He rs soon joined lry bk spott*, IDA' GMCE
sixing
TURKEY, HENRIET/A, MAUREEN, and tte CAT

ii\

Bell

Dorble B*s

Bas Guitar

DRAKE:

9'pice

L
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Reed 1 (Flute / Piccolo / Alto Saxophone)

Reed 2 (Claliret / Bass Clarinet / Barirone Suophone)

Horn
Tmmpet / Flugelhorn
Gr:itar (Acoustic / Electric / Steel)
Keyboard / Piano Conductor
shnd*d Drun Kit/,r

Be

Cello
Double Bss

IN THIS BACK\(ATER OF ENGLAND

\qHERI THE PACE OF I-IFE IS SLO\IT
AND THE LIIIES ON THE LAKI
ARE BROAD AND LUSH
\rc'RE ALL LTVING HERE IN CLOWR
AND THE MATING SEASON'S OVER
SO TI]ERI VON'T BB CAUSE
FOR ANYONE TO BLUSH
IN OI ]R LAND SOTH GREEN AND PLEASANT
tvl RY BANTA]\,1, DUCK A\D lr{l A5ANT
IF THEY I-'.{D THEM,
\flOULD BE \TALKING ARM IN ARM
FOR OUR IIIE IS GOOD AND STEADY
TILL \/T'RE PLUCKED AND O\EN READY
IT'S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOI-K DOWN ON THE FARM
THF,RE'S A TURI(EY \v,ITH A GOBBLE,

Ba$ cuitar

TURKEY enter'.

VATCH HIS !(ATTLE START TO \flOB}LE

ri{/HEN THE ROOSTER COCK'A'DOODLES
TI'IE AI-ARM

HONKI

HONK!

(DRAKE)

\flE'VE GOTPT]LLETS, \I/E'VE GOT CHICKENS,

CAT:

HENRIETTA .nte$, dainE her nonins detohts, unth ),IAURLEN, who b)ng:
glJis for the 'bab shouo'.

w[ \ r coT QUAI] 5.
AND\OHAT THE DICKENS
IT'S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOLK DO\(N ON THI FARM

BUT \(HEN THOSE LITTLE DUCKLINGS IIATCTI

TFIAT'S A FLAVOUR YOU \flON'T MATCH
THEY'RE DELICIOUS

SO FORGIVE ME IF

AND I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH

AS A FELON \{HO IS FELINE
YOU \(]LL SEE ME MAKE A BEELINE
FOR THOSE TENDER LITTLE

SHE GOES

JUICY BALLS OF FLUFI!

VHAT A GORGEOUS \ISION THIS

I'I'S D{, \HF \ MY MI\SUS,

IS

TM LAYING ON TI"IE SMARM,

IN FOR HEATED QUACKING
TO POINT OUT THE SKILLS fM LACKING
7he

+ IDA/HFN./

MAI,'REEN/
Tl IRKFYT

rT,S A POULTRYTALE

folk@ing cdroPhonl of squd@hins prcmpx

COME ON DOWN A]\ID DON'T BE STN"\NGERS

IN OUR DUCKYARD OF FRIE-RANGERS
IT'S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOLK DO'WN ON THE FARM
HERE \GIERT WATERFO\(/L I{A\E \(/ADDLED
LITTLE CHICKS ARE MOLLY.CODDLED
FOR THE CAT \{OULD LIKE TO DO THEM
GR]EVOUS HARM
HF'S OIIR ONLYSOURCE OF VORRY
FEATHERS RARELY GET TO FLURRY

+ HEN./
TURKEY/
DRAKR:

the

CAT ta bde himelf again

MAUREEN:

BO,GER.DOC.A.DER. BO.GER DOC-E-DER

BO,GER.DOC.A DER. BO.GER.DOC-E-DER

DRAKE:

\/AH \flA.UHI \(AHI

IDA:

\7AH!\qAHI

MAL]REEN/
HEN,:

BOC BO.GA-DER! BOC.BO.GA DER!

T{-]RKEY:

GOBBLE! GOBBLEI

ALL:

\/AH, BUilR, mBBLE

OF FOLK DOVN ON TI.IE FARM

MATIREEN/
HEN.:

}IAIHO\(THEYFLATTERTHEMSELVES
I NEVER SHO\(/ MUCH INT'RIST
iN THIS GROUP
I ADMIT IM QUITE A GLUTTON,
tsUT THIS FEATHERED FORM OF MUTTON
\(OULDN'T EVEN MAKE A FALATABLE SOUP

\(/AF{! \(/AH! \(/AH!

/s,..,

IDA/HEN./
DRAKE/
TUR]GY:

IN OI

JR

\/ATERFO\(/L REGATTA

THERE'S A MOORHEN FOND OF

IT'S A POULTRY TALE
OF FOLK DO\\N ON THE FARM

The CAT nict?r his head up

fion berind d

cl'n? of bubutus

+ MAUREEN:

CHAfiER

AND A MANDARIN \OITH ORIENTAL CHARM

YOU'LI FIND EVERY GOOSE OR GANDER

HONKI

GRACE

HONKI

dter.

GRACE:

DkaKE

THOUGH OF COTIRSE fM RATHER GRANDER

+ IDA/HEN./
DRAKE/
TIIRKEY/

MAT]RF,EN:

entets

'heEtihu.

(IDA'

And ft doesn\ do for a duck to look sheepish, it confuses

DRAKE:

Flow's it golng, Ida? You sdll sitring) I duolo, it's alright

IDA:

\(ell if you liLe

IT,S A POULTRY TALE

OF FOLK DOY,N ON THE FARM

\./E MAY STR]KE SOME CLASSIC POSES
\ND \/F AIL IIAVF I {RSON'S NOSES
BUT TI]AT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'LL HEAR A SINGIE PSALM
FOR ALL REVERENCE

BI,ATANT FOIifi, PI,AY

IS

floor

OF FOI-K DOIflN ON THF FARM

{D DON'T

COME ON DO\X4{,A

ALL:

IN OIJR DUCKYARD OF I

morning.

Oh ldr, I'd love ro h:"e a crack :]i sitring on the eggs for a
bir, bur you look so confonable up rhere it seems a shame

IDA:

Huh, and whar about rhat extension you pror sed to bLrild
on the nestl lt's going to be very cramped when the litde

IS?FCTFD

IT'S A POULTRY TAI-E

+ CAT:

thi

DRAKE:

REJECTED

IS SI

the sound of n so nuch why don't you

take a turn on the nesr? And wipe your websl I just did the

Rlf

ones arrive - especialLy v irh

BE STRANGERS

RANCLRS

th*

one big egg in the clutch,

is going to be.

goodnes knows nhat size th;n chick

DRAKE:

Yo. koow. I reclor rh"Lmrgbrbe:'ur[1 'egg.

IDA:

Oh, Drake!

DRAI{I:

I hrd the

IDA:

l{uh,

DRAKN:

e eni of the song delyone flshes ofstage and wc are W @nh a dad of
featbos da.endins eound IDA, @ho tidie' p alarnd. hel nest. l6L protr"llins
aba\,e lhc pd!? of ,np @ a"e
1ta ohe es, aad a h/8" b"au n ,sz. tDA ,po:

Ifle had a whole pack of troubles with rhe young ones I

can tell you. Thq;'re afrald of the wrter. She had me
running up and down rhe bank shouting 'Bernard
Maahews" and they still wouldn\ go in!

lDAl

DnLe, how would

IDA:

DRAI(E:

IT'S A IOULTRY TALE

IT'S A POULTRY TALE

N'S A POULTRY TALE

OI FOLK DO\/N ON THE FARM

A-ARM-A,ARM

}GAD.EHR!
IMusic No. 1a " POULTRY PI-AYOUT

Optional Instrumentall

At t

be

DMK.E of'tale

DrakelDrak!Ir's no good paddling aw3y,I've ses, you.

same

here

ve

problem with

ny

ex.

go.

a mrkey
your side o{ rhe family.

\{re'll just have to wan ard

egg get

see

to be

ir

my nesrl Musr

who he rakes afrer, won't

I.IONK!

HONKI

IDA:

bcinUYes,dear.

DRAKF:

Anlryav,

ODA'

nL- 0\.

MusicNo.2 THEJOY OF MOTHERHOOD

(tda, lraureen)

promised the Rooster thar

I'd help him count his

chickens. Shall I seeyou brck here)

IDA:

\reJl where

else

do you suppose I'm going to be?

l,,t

VALKING ROUND IN A LINE

rLL DO \fIIAT ANY OftIER MOTHER WOULD
TO TRY TO DO MY BEST AT BRINGING UI MINE
IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD
THOSE LITTLE PERJ$
THAT MAKE IT AIL SEEM \(ORTHWHTLE
rLL DO \{'IIAT A\ry OTHER MOTHER \(OULD
TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT
AND LIVING IN STI'I-E

AUREEN, the chee1f,l, neryhkurb noorben, enter

MATTREEN:

Morning, Ida.

AS A DUCK

IDA:

Morning, Maureen.

\(HEN YOU'RE STUCK

SAT SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR NEST
TIIEN AT BEST

MAURIEN:

How

IDA:

She'd be better

MAUREEN:

I'm

IDA:

Not him. Duck by

MAUREEN:

Ooh, Ida, the

DRAKE dils. IDA let

mes

tittinean bet

erq$,

t*isneA tu bd lat.

YOU GET BORED . . .

TFIERE GOES DRAKE
ON THF T,AKF,
I CAN SEE HIM THROUGH THE RUSHES
AIL THE TIME
FEELING I'M
JUST IGNORED

DON'T PRETEND ]TIAT THIS IS ALI HIS DOING

I'M A SUCKTR FOR THE BILIING
AND THE COOING
I

BUT \{HEN YOU HEAR THAT PITTER PATTER

OF TINY FEET IT DOESN'T MATTER
HO\/ LONG IVE HAD TO SIT HERE
MINDING MY BROOD
THOSE LTTTLE HEADS SO SOFI AND DO\XNY
THEIR BAtsY BODS Arl- GOLDEN BRO\{AIY
TFIE BEAKS CONSTANTLY OPEN

II/AIIING

is

rhe

nothert

betb.

be?

il the father-who-was was berter at being

rhe farher-vho'is. I somerines think I'd hate been bener
off pairing with a decoy duck
sure Drake
lamily arrives.

will nake

mmellour darl when the

oame and duck by nature'ducking out

of his responsibikies. pbe shrfts position) Ooh.t say it btns
vere meant {or sirthg on eggs all &y, rhen they should
have been designed with vhopping great dimples in thert

rhought. How nuch longer do you

have to go?

IDA:

Vell, by my reckoning they should be ort by now. I went

to all of ny ante"natai hatching clarses, ro by drar selfsnisfied Stork, and she said about r fonnight, but wo

MAIJREBN:

Oh wel1, rhe

FOR FOOD

rT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERFIOOD

THOSE LITTLE DUCKLINGS

best rhingscome

to those who wair.

HONKI

IJONKI

I don'r ktrov. v/hy do lJe pu! ourselves

rhrough

IDA:

IT'S THE JOY

BOTH:

IT'S THT

ducklings.

IDA:

IT'S THE JOY

All

MAUREEN;

JOY,

IDA:

JOY,

MAUREEN:

JOY,

IDA:

JOY,

ROTH:

IT'S THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD

Every

spring ir's exactly the same.

Bur

ju$ rhink of rhe rewards -

al1 those

those beals to feed.

MALIRBIN:

VaLing you up

IDA:

Gening inro deep water.

trLAUREEN:

Attracting unwanted admiren .

BOTH:

(in bushed tones) . .

thrcugh

at a1l

houn.

..

.llke the Cat. rifihy do we pur

ourselves

irl

THOST LITTLE PERKS

THAT N'I-\KE 11 ALL SEEM \flORTH\flHILE

I'LL DO WHAT ANY OTHER MOT'F{ER \{OULD

VHTN YOU HEAR THAT DIBBLE DABBLE

YOU'RI PROLTD TO SAY
'COS

.HEY, THAT'S MY RABBLE"

THEN \TATCH THEIR MAIDEN VOYAGE
OUT FROM THE BANK

IDA:

TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT

AND I.I\']NG IN STI'I"E

MALIREEN:

TO GET THOSE DUCKS DICKED OUT

AND LI\']NG

IDA:

TO GET MY DUCKS DECKED OUT

AND LIVING

BOTH:

IN STI'I-E

LIKE CHAMPAGNE CORKS

YOU'IL

SEE

TIIEM BOBBING

ACCOMPANIED BY MOTHERS SOBBING

RTLITVED, THANKS BE TO NATURE,
NOBODY SANK

IDA t"ms
lT's TFIE JOY . . .
MAI,IREEN:

IDA:

n*t

ll

My

oJ

DUCKLINGS.

babiesl

BILLY, BEAKY, DOWTY anl FLUFF, bop down Jion

Inttinlb thet laah confued, not sure uhicb ofthe two adalt ktds is Mum'
. bxt hUL|REEN points nthrcastbdlb dt IDA.
The

dlp

do5

b( bpdhtl|

i4th,pted b a .bippns .ond a

tbp..tse

to het

Oh, prepare yourself, Ida.

ft1

dDo@

IOY

lorely lirde

,he e:rs.

ptp"titet i't p'ppd"ah@ !o"

a/ltc ie' aad wad a-o"ad n

n hc ne,t. tDA
Fau. pai^ al tcg, appa.

jtan rc ha^h

rh bnh.

,np o'hnusi,

four DUCKLINGS

the nen.

hhe.v,hron,sd
(IDA:)

QuacLr Quackl

\
HONK!

DUCKLINGS:

Quack!Quak!

MAUREEN:

Oh, Ida. They're the loveliesr little ductlings

set

IDA:

have ever

FLUFF:

Egg-cellentl

BEAKY:

How come

BTILY:

Yeah, we all got cranped into a regulu shell, but that one
got a queen-sized osrrich job.

DO'VNY:

ICs

BEAKY:

No, Mama, ir's nor hir.

he got.such a big egg?

my eyes on. They're the image of their farher.

Thanksl spealing of Daddy, Maureen would you be

"nd

rry

Lo

find him ior n

e?

a dear

He. probrbly rrkdB wive'

down at rhe local watering hole.

MAUREEN:

1l

Abighi (fo DUCKLINGS) Auntie Maur-Maur

I'11 see

is

off now,

not fair, Mama.

you later.

seneral connotion b,eak' out.

IDA climk brck olto

tbe

hg e&. DRAKE

re.

MAUREEN e.itt.

BEAKY:

Auntie Maur-Maurl Vhal

FLUFF:

Vhat

a big

weird name.

world it is.

rn

DRAKE

Hi, kids.

IDA:

Take a good look ar hirn because you probably wonl see

him that ofren. Vell, true to form you missed it, the pftrer'

BILLY:

your Dad.

patter of perire paddles.

DO\(}{Y:

I was getting scrambled inside that egg.

IDA:

Don't

BEAKY:

\flicled

IDA:

Vait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wair, q,ait. There are one or

IDA:

There's srill one to harch, Dumb-Cluck. The Big One

rwo nest rules before you paddle off. Nurnber One, no wer
webs in rhe nesq Nuber Two, you musr fearher your

DRAKE:

lrt

go thinking rhar this is the whoie world!

lt

stretches
far beyond the other side oI the lake right into the vicarage
- rhough I've never been that far myself.

\(ell I'm

DMKE

of the DUCKLINGS v,ith a

bsues each

Ito
- 1et s

oK, kids, , ,ho's for r swim?

DRAKE:

/r.4,

here now.

haCs th

r"bb ing

each bedring

an 'L'

mattr) All that siting around taLen

it

out of you)

explore.

me see that egg again.

ovn ne$ very noffins; Number Three, no quaking

afEr sunseti Number Four, no piankton bets-eer
Number I-... wair I minu,.. 1ou re nor rll bae.
FLUFF:

Hey

IDA:

(peering into the nat) Oh, qtack! And

BILLY:

Look at the shell on thar!

guys,

ere

meals;

going to be another rnember of rhe gang.

itl

the big one.

Itt

definnely r turkey. You'Il never get it to go in the

warer. Just leave it. (l rrc to the DUCKLINCS e,ho arc
nasing about) Oy, cut th^t out. (Bdch to IDA) Con]r' 3J'd
reach rhe

other ones to swir:n properly.

HONKI

HONK!

You teach the orher ones to swim properly. I migh 3s well

sit for a bit longer. I've sat for so long a few dals more

UGLYI

HonLI

wonl

IDA:

\6ais

make any difference.

brot hen

DRAKE:

DMKE altt.

\(rhatever you say, dear. 17o the DUCKLINGS) Come or.,

last one to the lake's : Coot. fhe DUCKLINGS n*b afi)
He1 wait for rne!
IX/e

stdt rpitb IDA on the nest.

Music

No.3 DIFFERENT

\OHAT A ROLE!
ONLY GOOD FOR KEEPING EGG.SHELLS \fARM
ON THE WHOLE THEY HAVE AL\flAYS BEEN

UGLYI

HonL!

IDA:

I{ I say 'Bunerball' does that bother you at all? No? Vhat

about 'water'l How would you like ro go for a swirnl

UGLY;

ldlovero...M.rml

IDA:

Thank heavens for that! fHr.rgg,ng him)I knew yot were

one of mine. Now, your father has taken the orhers off for
their fnst swimnring leson. So how about you and ne
doing the same, right here at the water's edge. Nothing too

MORI 1JNIFORM

farcy mind just the

to get yo',\ sraned. (lDA dips ,1

unb into tbe water) Ooooh. . . itt a bit parky, but we'll
soon warm up. The imponut thing is nor ro be atuaid of

ONI'S DIFFERENT

THIS ONE'S DITFERENT FROM THE RIST

I DON'T BEUEVE A TUR]<EY'S EGG
COULD FAIL INTO MY NIST
IT'S JUST A FREAK OF NATURE
JUST A LARGER GRADE
OF ALL THE OTHER EGGS I'VE E\ER LAID , ,
THIS ONE'S DIIFERENT
Thre

is

I'm not

IDA:

Good gr:cious, no. It's {unher than you think. V/hy,

a raching sound.

is lirted up on tlrc

shaalllm af UGLY

UGLY:

Honk!

IDA:

oh my word!

afraid, Mama. Can we swim out to that islandt

havent been out there since your farher and I were couning . . . aad I didnl rnean to go that fr thenl Now, :re you
readyl

AND THERE'S DIFFERENI

IDA

basics

UGLY:

a chipping sourul.

BUT THXRI'S DIFFERINT

Thae

wrong wifi your quackl You're not like your

ud rlte-s. r\eyie . . ec"tulpt . . . nd, . . . tee upl

(Pre-rprise)

(td")

THTS

t3

ds he

UGLY:

I'm

IDA:

Just do as I do and you should

dt him) yot shanld rake b h.

ready.

rrle ro ir like a d . . . lootu

,.,

enerse,

fftn

the esc.

Music No, 4 HOLD YOUR HEAD

(Ida, Ugty, Fish)

I.? HIGH

HOLD YOIJB. HEAD UP HIGH

LIKE THE MOST HAPPY FELLA

\flHILE DOII,N

BELOISfr EACH

THIGH

:i:r::i:t.itirir'i.r.ii
HONKI

(IDA'

APROIOS A PROPELLER
MUST KEEP PADDLING LIKE THE CI-AP?ERS
YOU KIEP PADDLING \ilITH YOUR FU?PIRS
\N'} LE SEEMING TO BE DRIAMING AND CALM

UGLY:

Like this)

IDA:

ThaCs the way.

HONK!

15

BOTH:

TIIE CLAPPERS
PADDLING
\f]TH YOUR FLAPPERS
KEEP
JUST
TiiTIILE SEEMING TO BE DREAMING AND CALM

IDA:

Let'stry a dive.

KEEP PADDLING LIKE

\hq dirn und*uater.

'there

fokw

an in*mnmta! 'ball,.t' during ulrcb tw

ndenj:ater @hb UGLY dnd IDA into a nagialfurground ofFIsH dnd

go

a4utt liji.

BEND YOUR KNTES

\O SPLASHINC TLEAS!

FISH:

UGLY:

Sory.

IDA:

AND STEADY, IflATCH THAT EDDY

TO YOIJT. RIGHT . . .

ne FISH cd out dd libt. ta dttract UGLY ta thir \tall' e.g: "Hook a haop and
uin a ubopper", 'TicHe a troat uxb Jks on d stich', %ddb tddpole' - n bob d
blob", UGLY ts initirlly apprehe$iw.

OH, OH, AH.

IDA:

Dont woffy,

UGLY:

Fish?

dear, they're only fish.

DANGER SIGN

UGLY:

Danger sign?

IDA:

THAT'S FISHING LINE

DMtsE

UGLYI

Fishing linel

IDAr

\fHICH STMNGLES
IF

dnd

DUCKLINGS appwr, noi- y, undzr uam, though do not

FISH:

WHATAGITT
IT IS TO D RI]-T
THE TALENT'S IN THE BALANCE
AND THE POISE
BUT AS FISH
ITT ONLY I(/ISH
THAT DUCKITNGS \flOULD TRY SMMMING
VITH LESS NOISE

II

TANGI.ES YOU UP TIGHT!

6"/e, HE's A NATUR-AL
IN A CLASS OF HIS OV,N

UGLY:

THIS IS I/ONDERFI,']I AM

FEILING FULL GRO\(/N

seqaence ends, DMKE dtut tbe DUCKLINGS exit, tlrc FISH

IDA and UGLY Es'fae. h i: dfpdrent that IDA ts noe, exhaustda

As the underuater
di:perse, and

IDA:

LOOK AT YOU
YOU FIAVE EVIRY R.EASON TO

IDA:

SLOV THE PACE!

BOTH:

HOLD YOUR HEAD T]? HIGH

UGLY:

BUT I

IDA:

AS IF FRIE

IDA:

IT'S NOT A RACE

UGLY:

IT'S A SKILL I COTJLD MASTER

IDA:

AND CLEARLY YOU ARE NBARLY FIT

UGLY:

UGLY
'ee

IROM ALL TROUBLES

YOIJT. BACK STAYS MCE AND DRY
BUT MY BOTTOM'S iN BUBBLES

\(ANT TO GO

FASTER

HONKI

HONK!

(IDA'

TO DROP

UGLY:

NO I'M NOT,
I COULD CO

BOTH;

O\

IDA:

HA\T

UGLY:

I FEEL FRESH AS A DAISY

IDA:

YO1JR LEGS MUST

UGLY:

\O

IDA:

SO

UGIY:

A BREAK

I/OULD ONI I,AP OF THE IAI.E

IT'S THE GREATEST TTI]NG

IDA:

PRETTY PLEASE

IDA:

GNE ME STRENGTH

UGLY:

BEND THOSE KNIES

IDA:

JUST ONE

IDA:

Vell, dear . . . for one thing I'm

UGLY:

Do you reail'- think

IDA:

You musr try to remember,

not what we

,i

tbis

jrncture DRAKE anal

CL{,PERS
H YOUR FLAI,I,LRs
\x,+{lI I SE|MINIC IO Bf DRTAMINC
AND CA,LM
KEIP PADDLING

cu svim

much

the

so?

And what else)

itt whatl inside that martels,

lool like.

DUCKLINGS Mun f,em their suim.

BEAKY:

VhaCs Mama laid?

DRAKE:

ft!

BEAKY:

No

...

DRAKE:

Oh, my cod . . . Ida . . . now lisren very caretully, love. I

vant you !o walk towards me very slowly. No sudden

IDA:

Vhat

DRAKE

Theret something behind you. Sonething . . . nor very

LENGTH'IHEN

KEEP PADDLIAIG LIKE THE

sure you

beter rhan they can.

BE OK?

Instumental dance break

UGLY:

VLat did you mern when you said I'n ror like my
brorhen and sisters? Vhst is different?

At

UGLY:

IDA;

nake

UGLYI

THIS IS KNACKIRINGI

J.US'T

sbe tries to

There, dear. That lools rnuch betrcr . .

ONE MORE TRY?

I]E SMMS BITTER THAN

BOTH:

ort afthe'@dte'and

IDA:

YOI CMZY:

MA)BB NOIf MY BABY lOE SHOULD STO?!

II{}T

,xnd UGLY set

ACHE

THFY DON'T, ANE

CAN'T IvE

IF YOU HOLD YOUR HEAD IJ? HIGH

At the end ofthe sons IDA

hin looh morc pmennl,te.

ALL DAY

17

\']']

son of orange preserte often {ound on

roxr

whatl Mamr l4(. po;ntinsat UGLY)

are

you quacLing about?

nic.

IDA;

This is your son, dear.

YOU MAY STRUGGLE TO GET BY

DR,{KE:

Arargh... I'vecreateda moruter.

BUT NOTHING CAN DETER YOU

IDA:

Don't be ridiculous. He\ just nor your normal run-otrhem lpond du.k. thafs rll.

JUST BENEATH THE SURFACE

!
HONK!

HONKI

reputarion.

DRAKE:

Thals aiil lda, I have

IDA:

I know, dear, aad I woutdnl brag abour ir i{

FIUFF:

I'm

DRAKE:

"

Lcre

DUCKLINGS. LOOKATHM
LEGS ARE

you.

yikd

IDA;

He is nor

DRAKE:

(tuatrc

IDA:

See. fie djdni

sP'1rcPo up.

bi ) I

@lJ yo,.r he,s a

rurkey.

rurkey. He loves the water.

L CLYand

e\tr

BILLYI

DAD VAS OB\IOUSLY EGG-SHELL-SHOCKED

DUCKLINGS:

BET THX NEIGHBOIJRS SCRIAM AND HOWL

I(/HEN THEY SEE OUR BROOD

TIE'S THE FOUIEST \/ATXRTOVL

ta,nx,r,in. Cranberry wuce.

nin.ht Now.

l wlnl you

alt ro ser
rLe orhs m"noen or *e

ard rnd be eduured jn rhe wa1 , or rhe wortd.

DraL.el

UGLY:

\(HY

DO\/NY:

Oooh, rouchy

I,AUREEN
Muric No.5 LOOK AT HIM
,
rldr. D,rl<e. Ugty. Henriefla, fukey.
Clr. G?ce. \,t"ureen.

Dr-.trtinp7

DUCKLINGS: IOOKATHIM!

BANDY

AND THE KNEES. ARE KNOCKED

LOOK AT HN4

scared.

Ahaush

d.uc

19

ARE YOU SO RUDE?

enters hwrbd.l1.

IDA:

Hello, Maureen.

MATIREEN:

Hello, Ida. Hello, Drake. Ifhat a splendid brood. Did the

big egg hatch out alrigh . . .

IDAI

THT\ CHILDREN,
IET'S NOTMAKE A FUSS
NOTJf

DUCKLINGS/
DRAKEI

Sln

UGLY

Ard!
LOOK AT HIM
COME ON, IDA, TELL ME \OHAT \(/ENT \(/RONGI
LOOK AT tsIIM
DID YOU LTAVE HIM IN THE EGG TOO LONG?

IOOK AT HIM!

DRAKEj

ARE YOU SUR.E HE'S RIALLY ONE

OF US?

IDA:

}AMILY LIKENXSS ISN'T STRONG

STIIL YOU \flON'T I'OKE FUN
ALL OF YOU MUST GET AIONG
HE'S A'SPECL{L'SON
Come :long.
me

Tbey @dddlc

sees

Jt of

yoL,

nor. fo ow

me. Bur

IDA:

I ADMIRE YOU FOR YOUR ?IUCK

STRICTIY ENTRq NOUS
HE MAY BE NO PIN,UP DUCK

NEITHIR, DEAR, ARE YOU!

na) Lto"e ro

MAT'REEN:

arfin yocession

\choot,.

\(elM

mr.rst be going.

head the children from the

It

farmhouse are throwing French bread into rhe water.

sor:nds trAs chic . . . I don't want to miss out.

/r rlt llmej or vou Try ga trodden on. And

oewrre oI
I'4AUREEN

'c"nies

UGLY:

of rioing UGLY a wide

LOOK

beltb.

{T ) OL, I OOt\ {T

ME,

HONK!
21

(UGLY:)

I/II4T'S

IT MA'ITER?

o{ENNETTA:) LooK AT HIM, BOIHR

DOVNY:
UGLY:

VHY DO I MAKE YOU ALL LAUGH ANb SCOFF)

Have you see

UGLY:

\i,IJY DON'T WT PIAY VITH THE FISIIES?

DUCKLINGS:

BECAUSE YOU'D SCARI TIIEM OFF

qarShin| q,a, h) \.
AI',.xtAH. '0/A H, \(AH.,wAH
\fAH. \fAJf, \(AH, \(/AJ-I. \(AH. lVAH

you

renecdon?

fte.D^UCKLINC\ uke theit ptzte. in the iksrcon,.

Ht NRtEn 4,a,

DRAKE:

'.hoot,d

IDA:

ruRkry

BOEHRI

bi rcb as Heddndrtet the TURI"EY cajoks tlx DUCKLINGS into d ?ase rcadl
for a school phaosaph. Tln CAT ente6, und* the bood of an old-fa:hioned
In

caneta diserised

ns the

TURN.EY:

a, Hud"rdrea,

IS

A BIT EXTREME)

OUR PARENTS \li?]LI START

etiIBBLINc

LOOK ATHII,I

DUCKLINGS:

HE'S A TRUTY UGIY SEUNG

IDA:

DON'T \TANT TO SEE MY SON

LEFT OUT ON A LMB
!'HY IS IT THAT EVERYONE }IAS TO
JEERI
THERI'S YOIIR ANSI/ER, DEAR

OTHERS:

HENNETTA:

TTJRI{XY/

HENNETTA:

LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT US,

WHERE'S TFIE MATCHI

LOOK ATHTI4
PECKIpECKtpECKtPECKI
BUT THE DUCK, PECK! PECKI
LOOKS A LITTLE BIT DICKY
LOOK AT HIM, BOEHR
DID YOU EVER SEE A ?IG I'TIII MNGS)

LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT US,

SEE THE DNFFERENCE

:..

I HATE TO BE PICKY

Line up everyone, shon ones at th fronr.

DUCKLINGS/

+DUCKLINGS/

kbaol Photosrapbet.

LOOK AT HIM
HE'S AN UGLY ONE THERI IS NO DOUBT
LOOK AT HIM
DOES HE HAVE HIS GETETS INSIDE OUTI
\(IHAT ELSE VOTJLD E)CTAIN HIS I OOKS
BEING QTNTE SO ROUGH)
HO\fl ON EARTH \fl]LL GOTIRMET COOKS
KNO\(I \IHICH END TO STI,TFI

IUST A VAR]ATION ON A THEME

DRAKE:

KIND

NOBODY \flOUI-D MIND

rcrd"!, o,Edatre lhenpaftake.

LOOKATHIM
YOU ADMII HT

DUCKLINGS: NOV

CRTJEL TO BE

IF YOU GAVE THE CAT HIS TEA

BEAKY:

a"d

DON'T GENITICS DO TIIE STRANGEST THINGSI

THERE ARI TIMES YOU HA\T TO BE

TURKEY/
HENRIFJTTA:

SOMETIMES WI FIND II IS KINDER

IF SOME EGGS NEVER HATCH . . ,

:
W
..

i
1l

cdneh flashs, nerrone frezes'. I'lE caT enerye'llorn beneath tlE bood.

CAT:

Now rhat's what I call

a snacL!

LOOK AT HIM
STILL A DUCKLING

HONK!

(cAT:)

HONK!

BUT THERss sO MUCH MORH

LOOK AT HIM
FINIST CAT FOOD THAT I EVER SAT/
BETTTR STIIL HX WON,T BE MISSED

MOTHER NATT]RE MUST IIAVE HAD A I-AUGH

hood

fun

fu.h

lhc

Gnaa unf.rcza'

acdrL 1te TURKEy

evcnone as tte

IN A \(/AY HE'S QUITE APPBALING

IDA:

Tlft krds slxtlrer dssres'i@ly drornd UGLY

GIV]NG HIM TIIE CHOP

lecond

LOOK AT HIM

GRACEI

THIY THINK HI,S A FLOP

MAYBE TIJEY'IL LIT ME ASSIST
A

DRAKE/
hu:ta benatb ttp

ba4dee tre ,choot

;horcs,aph.

TTJRKEY/

HENRIETTA/

Now, in r,rn66sj1 y6,.wilt be prernred ro Her

Gn.e,
rhe mosr d\rinsuished ducl on rhe take.
S]re w,s onc
pr'red wirl a m;ndar;n. Aod you wil nortce
rhrr s]e ha r
rd band ot cioth roudher les. . .

LOOK AT HIM

MAUREEN:

(taanting UGLY) LOOK

DUCKLINGS:

ds

Scboot

TTIR-IiEY;

di,Lin,tjon a dLrck cd njoy. rr

:1.
lh.. c'l.,la
meanslhi"
dur ,he
; looked up ro b1 borh
me, rnd rnimals.

b"iad,,

P
li pol'rely
herds
ne DUCKLINGS

?aldde pdst

DUCKLINGS:
h

comes to the

t'.m

(indiz,id

and sey

GMCE in tam, each bowing and ,quclins,.

dtUvAH.\ytAH. vAH. rflAH.

reacts

DUCKLINGSI

e,ith

hofrlr

A REI,ATION ONE SHOULD SE\GR

LOOK AT HIM!

NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA!

HE IS GA\II(Y IN WHATEVER
HE DOTS, OH

HE REAII-Y
UGLY k

7he DUCKUNGS take

ttx

lchoot photogtaph

IOOK AT HIM
NOV HE'S RUINING OIM PHOTOGRAPH
JUST IMAGI]VE HO\i/ HE'S

A Rf,TATIONONE SHOULD SEVER

DUCKI.INGS: LOOK AT HDdl

ALL:

HONK!

TURKEY

IDA:

t rurn vour toe, in, iusr bow your

.eurck,!

darl

DRAKE/
TI,'RKBY/
HENR]ETTA/
MAUREEN:

of UGLY . . .

UGLY:

GMCE

Noy

GRACE:

GamoL

FIEIING

fam

l\T HINL

fNA, NA,NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NA, NAI

I

GRACE enters

23

IDA:

nw

IS

AN UGIY OISEAU

cleaiy ups*.
HE,S MY SON

AND I LO\ts HIM

DO YOU SEE VHAT YOU'VE DONE?

YOU'RE TO BLAME
THIS DUCKYARD'IflOULD BE SO BORING
\(/E ALL LOOKED THE SAME

II

7herc n much dbasreenmt roitb thir last

rema*, kconpanied br cluck,

q"dchs

HONKI
GROUP A

ALL:

IHEN./GRACE,/
MAT]REEN,/

25

THAN A GLMPSI OF THIS w]MP OF \rIMPS

LOOK AT H]M!

TURKEY/

DRAKEI:

DMKE Wrcacte' TURKEv sAiao*s\.

LooK ATHn4

DRAKE:

DUCKUNGST LOOKATHTM

A:

GROUP

TLN.KEY:

AND BE THANKFI]'], THAT

HE'S NOT YOUR KID

DUCKLINGS:

GROUPA:

A:

BUT !?I,VE GOT HD4 AS

A BROIFTER

LooK AT HIM
IDA:
TUR]GY:

BOD'I'WORK DESIGNED
TO SHOCK

DUCKUNGS: lA,
GROUP

A:

LA, LA,

PROSPECTS

DUCKLINGS: l-{,1A,
GROUP A:

ALL:

tA,IA
pRITfy

DIi\4

I rooK ATME,

roox ,rr una

rentc
LHI5 NECK JUST MADE TO \I,RING
J

urnr

cRrM

rl

i
,1

I
:

to tdlb

wih IDA.

Thank you, your Grace.

GRACE:

bonfnentuW Tell me, that big chappie at the bacL,

whatever happened there? He's not eracdy your clasic
Beatri:r Potter is he)

IDA:

I wish the othea wor:ldn't pick on him

as he gets

GRACE:

Vell the others

IDA:

I wx

GRACE:
BE LFcs

aqrfotutl

IDA:

JLOOKATYOU,

youLooK\!{{|

be qLite so

Congratulxtions, Ida,rheyledelightlul.

so. He'I1 rurn out

older.

are r triumph, rny &ar. I only wish I could

hrve produced a brood of my own this year.

so

miss him

AGRFF

ll

Chrismx.

(aincins) Ooh,r hate that word.

alright

f-roor ar mra,
A N"\,,,m-I[R'E

realises the

GRACE:

LA, LA, LA

HE SHOULD FORM A
SOIO FLOCK

I YOU'II

of yourself come

TURKEY erits,Jlustercd, ds GRACE ?ushes ber

HE,s IToRsE THAN ANY

oTHER

Ihe DUCXLTNGS arc sltut

afrttbl tookfion IDA, dnd hct
it nocent,.

GROUP A:

Talking of .ruffing, I don r .uppo.e you w

itll

BOuND ?O GO THE !(Ay

THE DODO DID

DUCKLINGS: AND

Vhat do you neanl (I,aak' at UGLY and

sisniJidnce of DRAKI'' qaedorl I look noth;ng like him.

I'm a self-basting, self-boasring fine prime specimen with
wonderful spurc. As for that, well, I wouldn'r use ic to stuff
a dwet with. (lDA ovelhedn tbis L* inwlt)

DUCKLINGS: LOO(ATHIM
GROUP

Oy, Turkey. You been messing around wnh my rnisus?

sory ro hear about fiat, your Gnce, you

teribly.

musr

He vas a fine duck, the mandarin, but alas he became

crispy and aromatic before his time. Sdll, life goes on.
Nov, vhere has Maureen got to wfth that French breadl

I4AUREEN rc.mten trirnphdnny wield.ing a hrge pizce of Frmch

'tik.

HONK!

TaJrl I You hrve ro rry ,r - ir\ much betrer

rh,n Lhe u,:al
srull - even rhe cruss are nice.

(UGLY,

I'tl

Failingmiserb,

give ir a dabble.

(t?c'ttundI rr,'v,e rhave room

HEN.:

Qu.. o*r Qu.. onHQu..

he

ghvs up

onk!

trying

Music No, 6 DIFFERENT

(uelv)

for a Iinle sobblejobble.

Ioughr rorry.rome, my ance+on were French

you krow,
rrom rhe Twelve Diys ofChrismus.

II
I

Stop saying that word.

r'/hat?

27

THEY KNE\T JUST HO\( DEARLY

\flOUlD LOVE TO QU . . . ONK!

BUT IT'S TRTJE I'M A BIRD

\I}IO SEEMS TO TACK THE KNACK

French?

DRAKE:

No. Chrhtrnas.

IM JUST DTFFERENI

TURKEYI

Ooh, nor :gain.

I'M JUST DIFFERENT FROM THE iTST

AND IOHO CAN BI-AME THEM \fANTING ME

IDAI

Oh. ye.. t\4rueen. ir.s d"trcjous. come

Jons. children. rry

TO FIND ANOTHER NEST?

BUT DIFFERINT ISN'T NAUGHTY
DITFERENT ISN'T BAD
SO \vHY SHOUI"D BEING DIFFERENT

lhtr.

Al

the RtRDs Ea*n amhad he haad.

kee?s

getting knocked hhE. He

GRACE:

ts

UCL. tne,

pecked and

to g,r nea, rc tt e b_ead

buliul,

buL

MAKE ME SADI

Hepik

Mahe way for the Red-Barded Duck.

Hod<l
GRACE;

bointincofstaee)Ooh,looklcro;ssal!.sl

EWRYONE

UGLY

ethet.

LIFE'S HARDER \T'HEN YOU'RE ODD

BUT DIFFERENI ISN'T SCARY
IS NO THREAT
AND THOUGH TM STILL THEIR BROTHER
THEY FORGET

DIFFERENT
except

BEAKY:

exit,

in

tbe

dircctian

oJ the

Ger brck. You re too bigfor

Th DUCKL-TL p",bes UGLy

UGLY:

Y|l,\"::^
puc
ce h6 q

then

I'MJUST DIFFERTNT
]I-IEY'RT IIKE PEAS FROM THE SAME POD
NO \?ONDER THEY MAKE FUN OF ME

Ida. you realty are goins ro have ro

do

MAUREEN:

up tbe tuw hdtaes afthe pboto and bold'

back

croisnni.

you

age aJready.

I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO I"OOK THIS WAY

I DIDN'T \(/ANT TO BE III..IIQUE
I DON'T I IKI. THTSE GRUBBY I-CA fHI.RS
AND I I{A7I MY STTIBBY BEAT
THER'S A RTAII IN EV'RY LITTER
ONE BLACK SHEEP IN EV'RY FLOCK
BUT WHEN YOl' KNO)/ TT'S YOIJ

atd ,h,aut t"e . boot ptotog,aph at

ft's no! Iair. I'm hungry too. Vhy are

you picking on cre?

^4: *,"
^h'.

"cpd.atefio nc

s,otap. t1 a pruate

nonmt tr rna rc

SOMEHO\fl YOUR EGO TAXES A KNOCK

..

t
HONK!

(UGLY'

HONK!

I'M JUST DIFFERENT

BUT I HAVE A SINSE OF PRIDE
MY IOOKS MAY VELL BN FLTNNY
BUT I HLT.T THE SAME INS]DF

Music No. 6A FRENCH TING!

(Insrumenml)

DIFFERTNI ISN'T SPITEFUL

DIFFERINT ISN'T !'RONG
SO lJ(4ry IS 1T SO HARD TO GET ALONG)
I ONLY I/ANT TO GET AIONG
DUCKLINGS mn in dnd td nt tJGLy ds ifpretendin|
they are going to
play uith bin. Then $eJ nn away tnt4lhing at
hin
The

DIFFERENI ISN'T HATEFUL

DIFFERINT COULD BE S\iELL
DIFFERENT
1&TLL . .

IS

JUST , .

,,

CAT:

the mcl

cAn

iti

of tlx

song the

sidtes

'ry rhl

rhey

didni

lcr

it rhen. Lunch n in . . . on me.

CAT:

Vell that

UGIY:

Do you mean it) You really are

CATI

of

UGLY:

I'd betrer rell my mother.

CAT:

oh

setrles

friend.

course I am. Now, just follow me.

CAT apped\ and

Mrrun. A l ormse. Do yoL, nern ro

you have any?

UGLY:

DtrFERENT
At

29

te next to UGLY

Hello, Duckyl

no, you musn't. I-ook, she is talking to Her Grace.

Dont you know a duckling shouLd never intenupt anyone
who

UGLY:

is

talking ro Her Grace.

I really think I should.

UGLYI
TIn CAT hiles as the rat of the FAMILY, togdber witb GRACE,ILAUREEN,
HENRIETA and TURKEY rc.nt4 aiaoiously wbLdtng lario s bakrd. goo*.

CAT:

I'm your friend.

UGLY;

I haveni gor anv friends. tveryone hxe. ne beci$e I.m

uglv

cAn
3"1"i:1;l

roo, roo, loo.too cruer.

rhink

UGLY:

\iihar did you

CAT:

I.said poultry can be so malicious. Look at rhem

guzzling
all rhat bread.

UGLYI

say?

It's supposed to be really nice,

itt

French.

IDA:

\vhai

GRACE:

A lirtle on rhe qaleside. but one mu.rni g'umble.

UGLY:

M,na?

IDA:

Yes? Excuse rne, Your Grrce. Beaky, dont stand on

Downy's {oot 'she keeps going round in circles.

UGLY:

Mama? I've been invited. . .

IDA:

Just a moment, sweethean. Billy! Not such big mouthfuls,

and soak it in water first or you'll choke.

UGLY:

Vould it

a feastl

be

alrieht if I . .

HONK!

31

ilr
r

riril

m sure . . . FtLrIf.

7he

CAT pops

hope you ,rre no,

,6. oit ,n* o,, ,lr.

DRAKE:

I thought he was with you.

IDA:

He i/as,

DRAKE

Yes, I am.

IDA:

Drake! Thacs enoughl

Well. rha, mrke, rwo or us.

Come rtong.

DRAKE

Calm down,love, he cant be far away.

\lrell .. . iiyouie sue.

TDA:

He ira! trying to ask me something . .

DRAKE;

So he's

IDA:

Not i.irhout telling me, he wouldnt. rPzdc, \(/heret he

.ulrdrs

np again be,id,

UGLy

be gone ror long. \

Ifl*,"
yoL, re l*,
hu,gry. rren.r youl

hJr hxm can 1 do?

ll

ri

CAT:

Oh. t.m qdire ,tlre.

hfftr;f if, " *,

L{A

UREEN:

HENRIEfiA:

v/e

pih

,,p or a conv%a,on

rookins

like,hr

he

IDA t"1ns to thene'nbel ofthe

ducblard in
He

jrx

",,.

lings down to the lake.

"111L;,]".

";j

GRACE:

'"lli"e

gene/at.

took. a bn diferen,. rhrr\

rlt. r
her .pecu

Music No. oB DO IELL

A^,^'"*'"f
a

And I'll co ordinate opertions from the gninstore.

ta

rhintlnl

mrke,

Antd

Scene

\Velt \a,d. Idr. I dFee wirh

\ ou. And i, r rsrce
rlen every_
bo,ry,$ees. r rhink rn Jpor"o
i, _ o.a.,i?"_

!frait

Oh, for goodnes sake. Alright, Tukey, you go that way

and look along by the milking shed; Maureen and Hen,
rietta check around the henhouse. Ida, we'll take the duck-

u,ia* da

ol'L gb , And a h nnh IufrnE al kdtu?s and scrat.hi,E

in LvnJbr rhedrckln2.

aJ

Jee a,eryone se'rch6

hrn rcffmne rr

CMCF:

DRAKB

q.on8 mesage n:vins .omeone

r-*aL. rd*a.

pa_aded

(onlteuinp Do pu nind.
Thrr i, mv son vor
:bor-r. rhere is norhirg w-"e
i;"""'-'"

IDA:

gone?

,b*ff.

I rhink ir..iu", pur, our

probrbly jusr wardered back to the lake, you know

how he loves swimming.

baunn ,AURLT tt

h., Idr I jreJ ton} ,or. How

"he manrged ro lay r he e8s i, .
never Lnow. Maj,e. ny ey* *"
* i*, ,l i"r.c

ago.

ell, if he's got any serxe he'll have gone ro find a bag to
pur over his hea<l.

^no

lliii

ju. a nor\enr

minute, where,s he

,-

"""'

MAMA

gonel

ii,

Two

Ltgt"t',one
ot

*..r_

d tdc+J

up

lv CA r. w|h UtJLy, ia t$ ki,. Therwt renitscnt

p,ag-dnnc. Tl,p ht inJ,des ua/iaus hnsiLs and .oahng
'

ta .euol

W.ook.

I
I

it
.

I
a

CAT:

(to tlft dadiznce, as flre'enting a TV shoa) \telcome to the

kitty-cat snack shack. F:st food for famished felines.

UGLY:

It's

nice place you've got here.

HONKI

CAT;

t,;",i3*r,"p", 6,, r thint< of it as home.

Now . .
|.!{
Lli;,'1 fn" a,!a,*,,""p"

b*;

;;" ;;;i;,.;

.. c^,";;;';r ;il{' ;;iffi

*":,"'.',;;;'il#;:
il:T
Sj:"* ?xn ".1
t!;11j

tr';

ryd

lt"**

x1:;3*"
Duck
) t'Orange.

oi_ s,,*,
''r,r,

UGLY:

\6at

CAT:

I'nt having you for iunch.

UGLY:
CAT:
UGLY:

(cAr)

lI

BTFORT YOL

"i,,'i,"i,{'?iiiJ

are we having?

YOU CAN PLAY MTH YOTJR FOOD

YOU CAN'T BEAT TT
SO DUCKY LET ME PIAY \(/Tft] YOU
YOU CAN PTAY \7ITH YOUR FOOD
BEFORE YOU BITE IT
YOU CAN TOY \i,lTH YOT]R TUCK
BEFORI TIIE CRUNCH
YOU CAN PTAY \!TTH YOUR FOOD
1
/HY FIGHT IT?
IT'S A CRAZY LITTLE GAME CALLED LTJNCH!

whip sometliq up. A surprise.

y,r,:::*i.-,n1": *:n rhinl,ing ofsomeone j,e. sbe

Ah.-br, nr

..

btes

I"r. l\4orlen rre alt rbe vme, tor.ome

;, . p,n or therr ioo cres, rip ion

I:i::,11,".:TJ:
'1,1lun. Nor
*'.?T ha!,ns
rny morh*

_"^":p
no.
\ne $^ drflennr. Do
1ou krow sh"r

IATIT

YOU CAN CHIWY YOLR CHO\(

BIFOR.E YOU CHE'i/

rolo me to bevre of rhe C.lr.

CAT:

ONE PHRASE THAT LEFT ME

SINGI]I-ARI,Y SMI'| -f F,N
YOU CAN PLAY \{ITH YOIIR FOOD

Yes, I i<now we are. I mean

whar are s/e going ro earl

Oh,

rell me, Ducky, what would you like to playl It en be

anphing. I wont tell your mother.
So

rhoust. on

she ued.ro srv

UGLY:

Anlthin*...vell...

nne helolouaaB aunbo tx

C,4 t
"un" rc rcncbakatJ pryd,e upredtent,
lor urc U,ck ; I Ord a4e tJG Ly is obl iviors
of l.e CAn,

ID LIKE TO

PADDLE IN TI IE PT]DDLES
DABBLE IN THE MT'D
TICKLE STICKLEBACKS IN THE SHALIO\(S
THEN MAYBE F THER.E'S TIME
GO SLIDING IN THE SLIME

r,*ri;;;i;;;;;:;:,,'

Music No. Z

pIAy VITH YOUR

FOOD

{Car, Usiy)

TOTHEMARSH:

YOU CAN SCMTCH

fiF

AN IIQI

\OHERE YOU FIND MARSHMALLO\(/S

I'LL GO AND SI,AY A DR AGONTI,Y

I-LRMTURI

].O-SH CRIEN UP } OLR

CLAWS

(_AN

L{CFRA,I}
:uu
IT^YOU,RE

l3

VATCH \fATER BOATMEN RACE

TO SAY THAT CATS ARE DANGEROUS

THI- cuSHloNs

}WR SHUT INDOORS

IS

Y-OU CAN DIC

t,T ALL THE FIO\T,RS

FROM THE FMSHIY PLANTED
BED,
AND v{TH ARTICLES OF
CLOTHING
IT S OK TO PI],]-L SOMT TIIREADS
BUT I REMEMBER AS A
KINDTRGARTEN KITIEN

CAT:

CLEARLY NOT THE CASE

I'D RATFIER PI,AY A (]AMF.

THAT'S SHARP AND VTITY
AND PREFERABLY l|(lITH SOMETHING

IN THE KITN

HONKI

AdOft@
(CAT'

YOU CAN pl Cy \t?'tTH I OLR Foon

BIFORE YOU NIBBLF
YOU CANFST v4IH YOITR IOINT
BEFORE YOU ST ICF
YOU CAN PLAY \4TH YOUR FOON

YOII CAN PI-AY

(cAT'

BIFORE YOU GULP IT

YOU CAN MESS wTflJ YOT,T. MEAT
dbfORT YOU MLINCH
YOU CANPTAY WTIH YOI]R FOOr,
THEN PI]IP I.l.
IT'S A CR.{ZY LITTLE GAME
CALLED LTJNCH!

BEFORE THE CRTINICH

YOU CAN PIAY \{'ITH YOUR FOOD

\flHY FIGM N?
IT'S A CRAZY UTTLE GAME , . .

\flT.COULD GO

R USH]-\JC IN THI RI
ShTS
DO\/N A DITCH
:lP.t
5|D or rLq.cE \,/ruRE n.s BoLcY
I HEN MAKT A LIfTLE CAMP

DASFI]NG

TIJAT

IS

Do you like

CAT:
lbe CAr

Y,SII;;?3'^AX'f#8,T-*"

slaps a

On rln last

I-IFLP YOU TO FORGFT

cAr\

intentions, hde' d'

irpwns

hideann seeb. 7he

ol.r.",

pl/y hide..rnd.*et do yor,? Vhere

1,^.'" w
rre
youi Am lgerrjng
mer?

!:;:Wffi":;:r::i

tot'

l.

j.
ti

pe ftq'ence

kat

UGLY Cffitage

THE WAY THEY SCOI.DID

JUST AS SOON AS I HAIT GOT
MY NAPKIN FOTDED

""

ratk@' rtuing whib,he

tne af orange into UGLYS

mouth.

IT'S A CI.A.ZY LITTLE GAME CALLED LT]NCHI

] U 5TOP CALLING ME
NAMES

ffiIl1;;yT*'

oranges?

I donl know, I've never tried one.

UGLY:

SECREM'E AND DAMP

MI AND MY I,trATX THE MOGGY

AND tr THI OTHER DUCKT iNr](

OH.ILT

FOOD

IT

YOU CAN CHIWY YOUR CHO\(

BEFORE YOU CHE\fl
YOU CAN PLAY \{TTH YOUR FOOD
YOU CAN'T BEAT IT
SO DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY,
DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY, DUCKY,
DUCKY, LET ME PLAY \!TIH YOU
YOU CAN PLAY \(/ITH YOUR FOOD
BEFORE YOU BITE IT
YOU CAN TOY VTIH YOUR TUCK

BT'T DON'T DREBI F

MY I,T,AMA GAVE TTIE BEST ADVICI
YOU CANPLAY WTTH YOUR FOON

FOR

IJcTTH YOT]R

BEFORE YOU EAT

J5

cAr *izs
i,

of the

ang

we bear the

the C"4T pops a lid on the boul ubicb nsw conains

tu,nd of CHILDREN plnrine

UGIY:

Vhacs that noiie?

CAT:

Salivating.

UGLY:

It's coming from outside.

CAT:

Oh that, it's jusr those wretched children fron the farm

playing ball. Do they come and play with ne? Do ey
buflalol I dont suppose they even remember that lhey
own a cat. Some people just shouldn't keep animaLs - and
eight out of ten cats who expressed a preference would

HONK!

ActOn(@
(l inbia| o,t oI tup ball tr \{h x re

people)

peopk: Ho. )oL doni wrnr ro

,re
ser m,\ed up
-wbla,
w,rh rnem.,Bid_nesj.
rh:r , n h.u people ,i..
1*, ,lrl
) o-Bell lwk). Du.ky. rl-ir t"m going

oer

nk

CAT make'

one af

ohno...

UGLY:
UGLY lookins

lo,orre yol. rron

navrng ro enrounter rhem

if to ,aE/

as

scdled,

BOY'S

VOICE

ennss lpnb a

-as left prs tfi.

Duck!
'

CAT:

Yes, I know it's a ruddy ducL!

UGIY:

Acrualy I lhink I'm

ma

Vith

a sen'e

of puaose UGLY

a:

utntJot

C,tT

u,at

to

S"..y,. I rota y"u ,o .

colkpses antt
latts. ttnconsaoas.

do.

pknk in

ladte

tbe

'LivPryan.

'

o"

'hed.

af.
'et!

nnoznd

oh

..

nto

ht<

. . . bowted

for

ducr.

dear, I think

On the @od'lo't'tln li.ght'

ducblard tal.hing to IDA.

ouabo l. UcLydasn\ hnoa

Scene

It

sndP

fian

I'm

ts

is nolp

rwiliebt bdck in

MALIREENT

zA LOST

the

tlxe

dtcfuard arul

Lost?

tbe fruitks searcb

. . . (@itucs) ;lrh

for UGLY

the Cat? Ida, ducklhgs

'losr' with cals. You Lrcw that.

IDA:

Ve don't know for

FLLTFF:

Did rhe Car really eat him, mamal ThaCs gross.

BEAKY:

Yeah, fanry earing something as ugly as that.

sure.

good idea, vou hide in

ofi rll ." r" fiil;;;;;#:.l

rtrhrp! s";"n F,,. r,,.h ,;;J;";

there r:nritthe heat is

l:,,he_drl,ldrd

bout)Thacs

\be bam d.oot rattlzs

uiolntly.

t-.

bdck in the

Three

&'ety)

(*a tk c4T buide

ratha
fa

191.

UGLY onto |1{,AUREEN, )ha

uthd qf.

Oh no, rhey,re o,ming in.

Music No.

uGLv back onto the stage. He i: now

of a bathine dos
'care'
a: he doesnl xt'snise an1 landmarh: and dathnas is beginn;ng to

The sountr
I

BOy'SVOTCE: you brote the

windowt
GIRIS VOICE: The bal,s gone ins;de.

UGLY:

linds d

DABBI-E IN TTII MUD

rLhet bal utiz,es oa a.1.!,tuQ6

I know. ) know, doni sry ir

7he

set

TICKLE STICKIEBACKS IN THE SI]ALLO\OS

t:tk
ot,.tkrpits
!!T
'?,,.d
re <4 t on ttu
bafk ol ge h?")
VOICE

and

I'D iT{ TO PADDLE IN THE PTIDDLES

ard.

BOY'SVOICE: Duck!

BOY'S

dimtion

it right a! & cow shed and turn left to the

henhoue, or . . . oh, no, we pased r pig's trough, thacs
right, I remember the smell, ard there was a *ater-butt
that he wouldn't let me swim in, and . . . no. I'm sure n

ctedv.

duct.

the aryosjte

Now, w:rs

UGLys

nt

ryN in

vtall ofthe bam. He tips tbroryh it arul the CAT\ lair

BOY'SVOrCE: Duckt
Yes, coffcq

17

has been

donl

get

HOI\Kl

5ga'*A.t

one

Act One

39

"4""."b

rnr'

I "annr,oL ^r ,L--'
,
,u . I, oo,
I @rn, ,o herr,n^,J
H..trr qua(k.
. _.
-,,.r, ,uc ,"...",.
oa.K nerc h,

;:Tl"J*:Tjff;
[: :i -i:,f *::"1':*ffi jT,.ii.il
DucKLn tGs and o,ho
Yii!,X'I#:::::,:g':',be
jil,"l#,;i:;i,:i?:#:,:,"::;;;3;.:1.i,
a""r'
!tr:tr.,m::
e,
t"*," ii *i'#.
-^--j
:
you are going ::
to be dce ro r,r,".n"*,

".

BUT LOOKTAIG ON THE BR]GHTER SIDT

HER NEST IS NO\T MORE ROOMY

MEN:

f rvr rn n rr n-rtgrn DrrFlct[ .r

I ro say coNso:--nc rHrucs
I

VOMEN:

""'"1:'"'-o1x;u"""

LAH,
TOMGHT THE UGLY DUCKLING
BENEAT}I AN ANGEL'S MNGS

SLEEPS

TOMGHT THE UGIY DUCKLING

BENIATH AN ANGEL'S \i/]NGS

SLEEPS

AII:

*Sitffi'il*iffi,l.;ffii,",i fl:vl,j} ucrY BIRD

ff ?L'i*lTlT#+i1ffi NvcHrED
l4At RLEN,ne,ogio

lo p,ppd? tDA fo,rhc

@oh!

;"f,xj f.

FLOOR

MANAGER:

of

coutse he co'Jtd.

i"#rf :fi "Trfi .; n*

rDA andfotloz,s

voMENi

the other

bb&

Back, bacL, back. Iveryone bacL, please.

DAV:

tlk CAMEMTAN thdt IDA * their arga and to natt

And rolling. So tell me, Ida, ft has been a week now since
your son vn. missing. How are you bearing upt Can you
manage a rear for the camen)

ll7h...whatl
DRAkf .akys, ha1ia8.tu,ll.atted he tVm,t.

IDA:

Hl

JACK

;:ij:f""ffi ;r,*;x,l$,j j,;;[f *r,"a,,-

(tncan',inced)

huss

IDA remains taohing ut into tbe darhness, teatfal but detemind. She is sudctmty
intelrl"?ted l,J W kesenter JACK DAV, togethd ahb a FLOOR MANAGE|.
and. a IILM CAMERALUN from the Crine Shou "Bixtwatch UK-. Ttft FLOOR
MAIUGER cord.ons el)errane behind a'police tdpe'.

fln

ifi.:,,".T*frf"t[#ki;r*,*nn;,,Ti:

UREN

li

JACK DAW indicat5 to

$e
raninsl

MAI]REEN:

MA

"i

olJjtase

l:,3,L?.-{ji-,1s-ouRsyl\4pArHrrs
J.5}
I OOKSSO 5AD
A\fu ULOOMY

:: fr ;:: ffii

DMKE:

Oh, good, rhey've arived. Leave rhis to me, love. [o

IACK DA\Y)Now,whih do you think is my best side)

IDA:

Dnke, t.har

JACK

DAV:

is this?

. . . . Zoom in for the head

Matrimonia.l disquiet.

shot. Confrxion. Anguish.

I love it. And . . . close,up {or

the

HONKI

Act One

DRAI(EI

IT;

rx " ri,'";r"
; jff

5:;,;",t1,":,":.rrorn'Birdwatcrr

i;x^i;w*::,::"":,;-;";;"#[:ffi
'r;
,TiTfi Lff
{:f\KYf;::
;.*i,:':6##fi
';oi c",,.se,
;;; ;;)
!" H: (:
*: al**r-';'i';
\,e ar"
sdr i;; ;,;;""|;;7i.:;
;i:: ;::::; Pf;
!:
IACK DAV ignora DM(\E
an(t

JACK DAV:

goes in

for

the

"""." *,',';ffi

l'ri.'",
nn awry
ro escape iisperecutori
IDA:

rifhat

IDA:

DAV:

DRAKE
JACK

DA'ift

Nice...

EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU'RE GONE

A MOMENT DAR-I' AND GRTY

E\TRY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES
IS A DREAM THAT'S \i'ASTIID A\gAY

MAUMEN ent6, catning

Buq lda, you can't just leave me with the other four.

IDA:

You'll mamge, Drake. My mind n made up

DRAKE:

But you're wasring your time, love, you know yoLr are
Apan {rom which itt dangerou ro go wandering off

IDA:

DMIG. rDA

,'#f"".H5i,Tiil,iffiyTVARYOM MAYCAII
MY NAMF

fot IDA. IhE enbdce DRAKE

DRAKE:

And dont stan btubbing,

for Godt sake.
wnh

a pacbed sritcdse

beyond the vicarage at rhis rime of year.

(da)

CRovb

Ga

\{IIIL SEEM TO BE
MORE EMI'TY TFI,A.N ]lIE LAST
EVERYWFITRE THE St]N ONCE SHONE
A SHADO\(T HAS BEEN CAST

verynice... feistysells.

assenbbd

awayt Qo the onkohers)

EVERY DAY

c EvERy TL{R A
MOTHLR Ctur.S

tffiti,1'a;y;zthe

CAMEM\aN) Ger

IS

tri**lutq**i*ffi
DRAK-&

the

:way, all of you.

ver ernotionar. rust a

I(thar about me? Does

noone care about what
I rhink)

Muric No.

EVERY MOMENT THAT YOU'RE GONE

(fo
I

you sayingl

oh,

BUT IT'S YOUR VOICE THAT I HEAR

A MOMENT DARK AND GREY
E\TRY TEAR A MOTHER CRITS
IS A DREAM THAT'S \(/ASFIED AWAY

#l l:.':tilh i:

ff:'.1ffi3;',*o;;ibDerensive
!f|y caa,t you leave us a.lonel

4l

HONKI

IS

DAV:

JACK

JACK

are

(lDAt

hitt e,itlj jDA.

Idr, there have been rumours

of famv,,,l

l't

**-"r*

I wont

be satisfied undl

I find the tmth. Try to

smnd, dear. A mother knows.

conEoses

DRAKEI

\011 here,

you'd better rale rhe mobile.

DMKE exi!.
IDA:

EVERY MOMENT SEEMS AN HOUR

LA.STS A DAY
E1ERY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES
IS A DREAM THAT'S VASHED A\(AY

E\TRY HOUR

under'

HONK!

HONKI

The four

DUCKUNGS rm in

to

htg theit nathet

as sbe

departs'

43

excuse for bad nuigation. A bird who gets off his

flight-path doesn't desene his wings, thar's what I al*ays

GR,EYLAG:

No

DOT:

(uith

UGLY:

But I can't even lly yet, I've got lost on foor.

GREYIAG:

Bah!

DOT:

Het only

GR.EYIAG:

Bah! Very wel1.

EVERY TEAR A MOTHER CRIES

(rDA:)

1S

Scene

Four

\imp
'','i

Dasses.

thc

i,n a**.

A DRIAM THAT'S \{ASHID A\OAY

tdash'ns to op"t n'thlond aith a bie aya srt 'ane"ed

t' , ,i-,nE I ib"tto*,'t ro h" oudmce LGLY t'a sousnr

sel

Music No.

9A GOOSE MARCH

nso GEESE entel. GREI'I'AG has obvioab had a glorious n iary career' DOT'
goose nE
wha is ratlm gentler, brnows bin s'ueetly. Thev aalk wnh d nihdry
Now w\e,e hare they gor ro) shaoby tlo. k. I do i;sh r\e)
would ke.p up. No dis. iPline. Lh/r\ the'rouble snh rh'

Theyre probably tired, dear' Vre have been marching {or

an awfully long tirne.

wirl- ' 'h^ot

rav'

loppyqglL. would you prefer 'h,r we fl1)

on rhe marsh) I think not. my s*eer This

Tktu way u

ercrsence of UGLY t'tom

hfanrry,

eh) Messy buiness.

a young*er. Maybe we should direct him.

(nenenbain! Gfte hn his narching orders.
Ve're

geese,

hr

nigrana, you Lnow, birds of

do for us ro lose our

\(oul&\

Vell

dear, there was rhat rime when

\(a1.ward hlands.

lre endd up in de

GRF,'I'I-A G:

\(indwrrd, dear, 'i/indward. And that vras a dilferent

matter entirely. \feak thernaLs, strong headwhds, blown

DOT:

So

GRE}IAG:

Yes, yes, yes, qune.

DOT;

Vhere were you trying to

UGLY:

Back to my mother, on the lake. I rhink it must be ir that

dirction. I saw some ducks fllng over a fv minutes ago.

GRN'I-AG:

well. it yoJ did

goslings of today.

sundenfu bLach*l t'1' tbe

At'Nays, deat.

pasege. Run a tight {leet.

(In*rumental)

GREYLAG:

feelin!

how come my sister managed to ger to Slimbridge?

get ro?

htding pLace in

UGLY:

Excuse me. I vonder if you could help.

GRE]']-AG:

Keep walLing dear. Eyes front UFO at four o'clock

was probrb'1

'heir

l$

flyins ris.ion,

UGLY:
Tln }EESE co"tinue to

,&aLk pdst.

GREYL{G:

Havent you heard the ground to air? Bans, bans

HONK!

+4

IJONKI

(GRI]']AG)

UGLY:

No.

DOT:

There's

I didnl

45

mean litefilly. Alrighr, e,ves lronr. LeCs hrve a

shoot on rhe nanh, dear' It,s very d.ugerousHe

prccea* to

g;,rE

hi:

1rcaps' an in'pection.

UGLY:
Barnacles. . . Brrnacles . . . when I said'eyes lronC

peoplc spon One gtoup of men nove through

the mrsh scxrins ducks irto lhe ir, while 3 second gioup'
with guns, shoot them bacL out of rhe air:gain.

\trell, itk

DOT:

Atl tbre

look at one

anoths and sbrug a: tf to sav 'Vhat\ tk point af that'

UGLY:

The Cat warned me rbout PeoPle.

GREYLAG:

The Clrr?

UGLY:

Yes, you

GRET'I-AG:

Ho, his pdents probably wanted to set rid of rhe uglv

see

yes, she did

b'n

dangerous a

cn k)

\(rell,

GREI|LAG:

The enemy.

UGLY:

Bur the Cat said hc was my {riend.

DOT:

You don'r want friends like that, dear. Your mothet

So[y, \i(hg-Conm3lrdcr.

GREYT-AG:

Pinkfoot, you've rrodden in sonethlng

. . . how u.uiy
ovn business? See !o ir.
Snowy . . . oh, rever mind. Alrighr men, n exse. Now

PINKFOOT:

Oh, one of them

GRI\'I-AG:

Our task is one of reconnaissarce and reunificarlor.

SNOVY:

Oh, here we go. Translation, Dotl

DOT:

The Ju. kling

find her.

' los hi. murn. ble^

PINKIOOT:

Ifthafsvhar

he meals

Nasll piece of work. Pull your vishbone

wu

UGLY:

is

it-

irn. :nd

why doesn'r hc

re r.

say it?

Gun dogs. They murr be staning lhe shoot agri! Time for
muoeuvres l had hoped it wouldn\ cone rc tLis, bur I
have no oprion Alright, at ease. (DOT and UCLY sx)
ComprnY, fa11 inl

Ihe notley squadton ofGEESE drri?e BARNACI-ES, PINKIOOT and SNaIYv

pigeon

Enslish.

Alrighr, men. Alrentior! As you know, s,e are abour to

pm in an exercise, rhe likes of which we have not
faced before. You are a fhe body of geese and I know you
vill sive ol your very best. Good luck, rrer. Qle vlttes
take

Gun Dos batk nearfo. UGLY isftightmed

goinB ro

BAITNACLES: You can rlways tetl ;r pompous goose by his

GREI'I-AG:

rI-AG:

I hrd

urrlh o- r:.irg rr r

listen very careft,lly, we have received orders to cnbark on

a very delicrre, nor to sayda4erous, mission.

UGLY:

cRE

n"

BARNACLES:

I wem off wirh this Cat

Didnl l.our nother tell you hov

rurld

times have I told you to mind your

blighter.

DOT:

\opcrl rh;r ro,rr bod,

ttnn)

Music No. 10 THE \{/ILD GOOSE CHASE

(Greybg, Dot, Snowy, Barnacles, Pinldoor, Ugly, Cat)

\I/E'RE OI.T ON A \\/]LD GOOSE CHASE

\OE \(]ILL BE NO STRANGER TO DANGER
THE SQUADRON YllIL SHOW NO FEAR

HONKI

DOT:

HONKI

IiG'RE OFF AND NO MAfiER

\flHERE \(/E ROAM
ALTI IOUGH THE MIND BOGGLES
THTS GAGGLE IN GOGGLES
IS SURI TO FIND YOUR HOME

A butrush

'bide'

*ns

BARNACLES:

GRIYLAG:
GRE}']-AG:

PREPARE FOR TAKE OFF DEAR

DOT:

BOTH:

DOT:

GR[I']-AG:

uay

a.].os tbe

marb. lye

see

the CAT, rtrcsseA

Ercuse me, Sir. Bulrusha advancing lrom the rerr.

vhat? i rhink we,ve spoken before on the subjecr ot your

advance. One of rhe things llrey are most Iamous

being roored ro the spot.

MUST PLAY OUR PART

HARI( AT IIIM

The CAT pops out

I FEAR FIIS CABIN LIGHTS ARE RATHER DIM

GREYIAG:

i\

specracles, Barnacles. Get ,em checked. Bulnshes do nor

RUN\(/AY'S CLEAR
\O']E

to etlge

apprc?rLatd] in deenalks antl Barbour jacha, tiptacins along behintt the .bide'.

fran

behind tha 'hide' next to

for

is

UGLY

CAT:

CRI)'I-AG:

SraDJ

CAT:

Ooh, besLill my quaking

UGLY:

vhar

CAT:

\(rhat are friends for) I've come ro take you home, your
mother is crrrying on something {ear{ul.

UGLY:

My rnother?

going to plan rhe route?

CAT:

Of coune.

Don'r worry, I'll nrvigate.

GREI'IAG:

Lisren here, Cat.

C}IOCKS A\(AY
OUR AIR DISPLAY MUST START

VT'RI OFF ON A \fILD GOOSE CHASE

AND OUR SMPLE MNSION
?OSITION THE VHERIABOUTS OF YOUR FARM
\/E'RE OFF AND UNLESS'VE'RE BLOWN
INTO KINGDOM CO]\'fF,
.i(E \{TON'T BE BACK UNTIL
\iT'VE FOT'ND YOUR MT'M
But we don\ knor" whcre hn farm

!,

dear.

DOT:

Thaf

SQUADI

VE'RE OFF ONA \I',II,D GOOSE CHASE

IT'S A T}I-{NKLESS TASK
BUT \/E ASK \(HO COULD DO IT

uow

FOR A\(OL MISSING DUCKS?

hi.l

are

or

Iltpe!k.
legs -

l,n goingto

be goosed.

you doing herei

ate we

...

You've seen nry Dorherl

She sent me

to Ietch you. Special envoy.

I'm ln comand around here rnd mv

squadron has taten personat ch:rrge o{ rhe duckLng s saie

return to his mother.

what I ms lftaid of.

VE'RE OFF.
KEEN TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEMS' CRUX
FOR \flHAT COULD BE GRANDER
THAN HAVING A GANDER

tello, Duck)- - rhought I'd tost rou.

vd dnl rry flying rr the moment.

CAT:

\fle1l,

GRE}'I,AG:

\ve will

SNOVYT

It's rheirpany bur we'ilfly

GREYI-AG:

conrnence

soon

i{ve

H.ven'r you

rhe shoorins

watrr ro, ha, ha, he.

rt:
HONK!

48

SNOV'Y:
CAT:

The

Litde joke, sir.

Maybe

I could

be o{ asisrince.

I'll

ther I will let you knov when rhey

go over ro the shoor,

are packing up {or rhe

SQUAD sing the

DOT:

+9

@ce

to 'Bom' (no unb and paper) xndet

se.tion

'atto

Good afternoon, Lidies and cendmen. NIy rame

Dor,

am your Senior Flighr Attendmt and, on behalf of

Captain creyixg, I vould like to welcome you to rhis

drv.

GREI]-AG:

}IONX!

afternoon s flight from Boggy Marshland to some ftr flung

frrn
ll be cruising at rn ahirude of sever:l feer and

Very well, and no funny business. I knon several ways to

\{re
h I rafier xrtractive V formarion. In the unlikelv
*"|of a" e-ergency t"nding, we ask that you obse#
flying

CAT:

Irt

like taking candy

from:

baby.

rhe sJery proadures that we've been through so manl

mrrv rine. bet"r.. we hope vou have J pleJ",n, ioJrn.r.
and rhank 1'ou for choosing Goose Air . . . "The Flullj,
skies'.

'lhe CAT ditr in the dircction of tk

suns.

SQUAD:

\I/E'RE OFF ON A \{,ILD GOOSI CHASE

DOT:

YOU MAY'ilIINK ]T ODD THAT A SQUAD

SUCLI AS OURS CAN PER}ORM THIS ROLE

U l- RF

\C

IS

SQUAD:

\flE'RI OFF AND \(/I'LL PROVE

TFIAT'S NOT THE CASF,

GRE'T'IAG:

AVOIDING TFIE ACK-ACK

\(IE'LL SEARCH FOR THIS QUACK,QUACK

CAT:

ALI-:

AND THEN RETURN TO BASE

GREYIAG;

GRII'IAG:

Companypresent paperl Conp:rny presenr conb!

CAT:

Tbe CAT

Ihe CDMPANy ddy the LE$e sedion tune on cotnb and paper, olcr abnh
Ch)es hi: fiMI a.ldres!.
''I-aG
We are :bout to face our most periloLrs mksion to dare. I
need hardly tell you of rhe rist<s involved or olrhc ultinare
price $ar we may have ro pay. (A paue for a shot conb
and PaP
As ve fly .,n ro glory I wam you to how
how very 'olo).
proud I am of rhis squadron. Keep a sriff upper
beJk. nen. dd ,aa"nbe. ou, nora "\enph r,,ta"i,n

Ol-i fO I \\URl lHt\ DULKI

NOT SO GLUM
WT \{ON'T BE BACK
L]NTIL \VE'VE FOUND YOI ]R

SQUAD:

rur

bach in.

GREYI,AG:

The coasr is clear. They are puring away their guns.

(dehbsdtebfdlse)on e1aot

ny ti\es.

Good. Alright, men. Fnrd check. Otr, and here's a parachute for you.

CRE

CAT:

F...Iorme?

GREYLAG:

You donl rhink I'm golng ro leavc you here wirh the
drckling do ).oul Oh no, pus, you're coning with

CAT:

Oh, cst iitter!

SQUAD/DOT/

GRIN,AC:

OT,TT

M\CS ARL S-TRIAI)

us.

."

HONKI

UGLY:

SO

". uA.t One

HONK!

DON'T DELAY

REST:

I tou r,*

ltt/nh df'ndl sal te to UGLYtbe Gooe

SQUAD/DOT
GRNYI-AG:

OUR EXCESS BAGS ARE STO\qED

ALL:

IT'S TIME TO FLY

5l

Syudnn

take to tln air.

A$/AY
UGLY:

cood-bye... Good1uck... thank you. ThanL you.

sfo darken: with gun vnohe UGLY

ate, one b1ane, shot out of
nnnbets
oftbe
Caose
SquaAron
aatch* in hanv as the
&ops
A
sinele
white
the air- The sfo tatns ta red.
fran the Jlies
feathe/

A thunneringaollq ofgnnshox ring: out. Ihe

SQUAD/DOT/
\OE'RE OTF ON A \i.ILD GOOSE CHASE

GREYLAG:

M'T}I A HAPPY INDING MPENDING

IF

\rc

CAN LOCATE HIS NEST,

UGLY:

No! No! \fhaCs happening? . . . The Cat! He sdd he

TOODLEPIP OLD CHUM

lYe lrcdv

THEY'RE OFF TO TRY AND FTND THE FARM

AND WHEN THEY'\T FOUND THE FARM
THEY'LL FIND MY MUM

UGLY:

tlft aoie of IDA in UGLYs

bead"

Music No. 11 ACT ONE FINALE:

Hol-D YoUR HEAD UP HIGH S.eprise)

AND WE wlLL BE TOGETHER EVERY DAY

III BE \fAITING COME WHAT MAY
SO I'I-L SAY GOODBYE. TOODLEPIP OLD CHUM

IDA:

10, HOLD YoUR HEAD

\(OMEN:

\(/E \OON'T BE BACK TJNTIL

UGLY:

IT'S NOT AL\fAYS SO EASY TO

MEN:

\(/E'WON'T BE BACK

UNIIL

BOTH:

HOI,D YOUR HEAD I,? HTGH

CAT:

\(.E

UGLY:

AND APPEAR BRIGHT AND BREEZY

I THOUGHT DREAMS VIRE MADE
FOR A RBASON
BUT HOPB SBEMS TO FADE

\flON'T

0d", u81Y)

BE BACKI

GREYLAG/

DOT:

\iT, VON'T BI BACK UNTtr- \(/E'VE FOL]]\ID

SNO\vY:

FOT]ND

UGLY:

FOUND

BARNACLES:

FOUND

u? HIGH

\(/ITH EACH SEASON

AND MAMA
YOU SEEM SO FAR A\flAY.
:

IDA:

(appearing bkewhat on her searcb)

HOID YOUR HEAD UP HIGH

PINKFOOT:
UGLY:

FOUND

f
l

was

my friend. He said the people had put away their guns. He

lied. Oh, nana, what should I do now?

LOCATI HIS NEST

WT'RE OFF, CHEERIO, GOODBYE,

UGLYI

uv l,nru

+:

N'S YO1JR VOICE

N'S YOL]R VOICE THAT I HEAR

a. .,..
HONKI

HONKI

EVERY DAY \li{LL SEEM TO BE

B\TRY!(HER,E THE SUN ONCE SHONE

Scne One

A SHADOW HAS BEEN CAST

E\TRY MOMTNI THAT YOU'RE GONI

IS A MOMENI DARK AND GRIY
EVERY TEAR A MOTIISR CRIBS
IS A DRIAM THAT's IVASHED A\(AY

Music No. 12

ENIRACTI

(Iosrrumental)

DrinS

the Eni'acte, in order to shelw lrom tbe col.d, UGLY slips inside the
coxage As tbe liglts came up ue dircoeet UGLY tentati,xb erploing tk lh)ing
raan. He is sx*lenly startld to bedr the VaICE oftlre OLD VOMAN d.Lllessing
h* pets, LOWBUTT tbe hen and QUEENIE ttre cat. He lnmps doan bebind tlx

HOLD YOUR FIEAD UP HIGH

AND ALL TIIE Ii/HILE
VANDERING REMINISCING

TKFFI IONDERINC tr SHF'5 MISsINC M[

MA\TE IN THE T/AY I MISS HER
BOTH:

T\/O

ACT

MORE IMPTY THAN THE L{ST

'of^
OLD

VOMAN: ffitage) \ar two

go on indoors. I'm going to sweep up

the leaves from the front path.

KNOMNG THAT YOU'RX OUT THERE

\TLL IIEI"P ME TO GET BY

JUST

UGLY:

UNTIL I'(/E'RE RII,\ITED

I \(IILL HOLD MY HEAD UI' HIGH

people penon!

lte can. Tlrc door opens - ue dan't se

and QUEENIE enLq.

UGLY h les as best

LOMUTT

ba wandered unwitingly into the flont sard.en of d hne

In tt'e cl.osine bars of the nusic, oe see tln inpui.ng
of the OLD
'hadou
lYtOtlAN approa.^bing In oder to e'cape, {lGLy dan' tbrough
the d.oor into the

UGLY fnds that be

cottase.

End ofACT

Oh no,

OLD

VOMAN:

tln OLD IN/OI[.4N

l'l-l Be in lrter ro give you a dish of crearn,

Queenie, and there will be some corn for you, Lowbua, if

(ofrtdge)

you can lay me an egg {or my lunch. Perhrps a brown one

withspecLles?

oNE

LO\(BUTTT

Brown I can manage, but I'm fre:h out of specLles.

Ve bear the OLD IYOI4AN walk auay fron tbe coxage and. renain in tlrc launge
@ith LOIY/BUTT dnd QUEENIE. There is a hrye 'liLwl i.fl' settee Mecked @itb
cusbbns and kce covers. On the @aU are thru
soneuherc ulthin. QUEENIE sxddenly stcps shott.

flying d ck. UGLY nlren

QUEENIE:

VhaCsthat? There's: diny footprint on the shagpile.

LOIWBUTT:

Itt

alwayrs in a phce where it shows. Some people are so

thoughdess - why cant they srcp on rhe parternd bit like
civilised folk)

tijriL.l:i.::
I'l

!,.,.1,

ti.

HONK!

54

Qi,'EENIE

LO\(BUfi:

HONK!

Never mind a!919 they stepped, my point is that someone

has sepped at all . . . in our house.

LOVBUfi:

srcady, Queniq dont upser yourself. He's obviously

going through rhe nouh. Hormorcs running amok, iffar
ional behniour, nood swings.

UGLY:

Vhar of it)

LO\(BUTT:

I don't think I like your tone, youtrg poultry'mylad. And

rnind that! You'll be rnarking rhe antimacassr next!

UGLY:

Itr/hat's m amimacassu?

QUEENIE:

I donl Lnov bur ft obviously works ' there hasnl

And look, rhere, whoever it was hx burst one of the

pillows.

UGLY:

I'm, I'm nor

LOY/BUTT:

Oh, my word, h speak.

QLIEENIE:

Vhat

UGLY:

Duckable... Irnean ducL, duck, Im

LOVBUTT:

Are you s!.r? Iflas your mofi!

are

bursr pillow.

55

yor:, animal, vegerable or mineral?

ductling.

macasar in rhe house for

duck?

as

LOVBUTT:

A-ha'ha-ha, oh, Queenie,

QIJ'EENIE

Thank you, dear.

UGLY:

Car?

long

as

been a

I can remember.

fiafs avlully

good, you are a

UGLY:

LO\(BUTI:

\flell she mut have been sick

Ioul

QLIEENIE:

A-ha-ha-ha oh, Lowbun, thaCs

TO\/BUTT:

Thank you, dear.

as a

parot when she saw

teribly good.

I donl believe

I've ever

Are...

areyou rcar)

QLrEENIE:
seen such an

UGLY:

So . . . so ar you going to at me)

QI-EENIE:

Don't be disgusting, the very thought. I've never been into

the bird bwcheriq business. Couldnl be doing with :ll
rho,e fe.:rhen n. lke e.rring r merl and flo*ing 1ou,
rceth ar the same time. No, rhe old woman poaches me a

ugly duckling.

QUEENIB:

\fhat

are you doing

in ou

hou.se?

UGLY laak longingb dt the tlfte flring ducks' an

UGLY:

QUEENIE

tk tall.

lresh fish.

I was sheltering from rhe cold. I saw rhe door

and didat think it vould huft to step inside.

was

left open

Not hun, not hun? The marls you've lefi on the carper
will drive the old woman round the Berber rwisr.

I
I

UGI-Y:

But the old woman is a peron, doesnt she hurt youl And
you, you're a chicken, why is she keeping you shut iruide?
Don't you pre{er it our in the yud?

LO\(RUTT:

You must be crazy. All that rratching and scr:ping. I live

on th seneer thank you very much. Queenie ad I are
domesticated, you see.

i'' ; !
HONK!

HONKI

56

TO MAKE A

BOTH:

ON THAT POINT \ru ARE CLEAR

IT TAKES ALL SORTS

QUEENIE:

TO MAKE A \i/ORID

BUT \{T DON'T ]i(ANT 'EM HERI

OUR TASTE IS GOOD AND LIBERAL
OUR VIEWS ARI \rcLL EX?RISSED
IT TAKES ALL SORTS TO MAKE A VORLD
IT'S JUST THAT OUR SORT'S BEST

BOTH:

DON'T \i/ANT 'F.I{ HF,RF

OUR TASTT IS GOOD AND LIBEIAL
OIIR VII\(S ARE \itsLL,E)ORESSED
IT TAKES ATL SORTS

QUEENIE:

TO MAKE A \fORLD

So, you should be gnteful that we are wen borhering to

enrer inro conversation with riffraff liLe you.rselt You see,
Lowbutq so named because of u obvious deficiency in the
leg depanment, Lowburt is normally most panicular about

BOTH:

IT'S JUST

UGI-Y:

I TT-IINK MY SORT'S

whom she chooses to speak ro.

The sugar

Ard I might rell you rhar Queenie n downright snobbish

when it cornes to social imercourse with poultry. I count
myself most {onunate rhar or:.r common htere* in needle-

QUEENIE:

lsPo[drJust

+ LOY/BUTI:

6nrzg)

UGLY:

Bur . . . whar do you do here all &y?

QIJEENIE

Ve sit and chat

LO\/BUTT:

Then ve sit and chai and sit ard chat and sometimes I
lay an egg.

UGLY:

And is that

OUT5IDT THE '0/ORl D KFLPS CHANUING

IT'S A CONSTANI STATI OF FLUX

QTJEENIE:

vhar

THAT DOESN'T SUII DOMESTIC FOLK

BEST LEFT FOR YOU DUCKS

UGLY:

lJ

IT TAKf,S ALL SORTS

(Queenie, Lowbutt, Ugly)

II 'IAKI 5 AII )OR]5

I O MAKT A \(ORLD
ON THAT POINI \ru ARE CLEAR
IT TAKES ALL SORTS TO MAKE A WORLD

QUEENIE:

point

QUEENIE

LOVBUTI:

QTJEENIE:

LOVBUTT:

has rendered us such close friends.

ITHEN ONE EXPLORIS

THE GRIAT OUTDOORS
ONI FEARS \NHAT ONE MAY

\iT'RE NOTJVEAU RICHE

OIJR PERTECT MCHE
IS HERE ON THE SETTEE

BOTH:

o@ing chorus, LOVTBUTT ndhes the tea

OH IT TAKES ATL SORTS

BIJT

@;tt QUEENIE

IJ{TE

TI]AT OUR SORT'S

lan4x are added.

SEE

spldh!

OUR SORT'S BESTI

and sit and chat and somedmes I will arch

my brck and let sparls fly from my fur.

will

!l

else is there

for civilised folL ro

do?

\frhai do you

do?

II'S
Duringthefo

I/ORID

QLIEENIE:

Music No.

belp.

\fell, my absolute {avorire thing is swimming.

wonderful lerting the water dose over your head
pluge righr down

ar

the bonon.

Itk
as

so

you

HONKI

HONK!

58

QUEENIE

hwbutt knovs all

about plunging down at the

boton,

UGLY:

donl you, dearl

I Ou/Bt

8w. QUL| \tt

JACK

Come

LO\(BUfi:

Swimming)

on,I'll show you.

Yes,

one

LovBUfi:

fo

crazy notion.

UGLY:

Mama!

\flell, you could use sone *ercise, deu, think of your

UGLY touch4 the TV rcreffi.

In the au

mn? I've never heard

of such

thigh meat - she's got drumsricLs like an osrrich:

LOVBUTT:

Mamrl
again, viewers, we are rppealing to you

if you

have any information. The number is coming up on

a uthmnslooh.

UGLY:

QUEENIE:

DAV:

59

\{ell you havent exacdy been a slave ro your step,aerobics

'ht u much as you can do to ger your {lap open.

UGI|

Is there

sornahing you'd like ro tel us, dear?

QLtsENIFUGLY:

Did you run away flom home?

Vell, there is only one thing to do.

No,

L..

QLTEENIE:

Gracious, Lowbutr, you're missing your proggie! Quick

s.icks! Ao UC.t She loves watching her Antiques Show.

QLTEENIE:

LOVBUTT:

Vhere's rhe remote?

QUEENIE erils. Thde

QI,'EENIE:

You'r sitting on ir.

UGLY:

Oh no, tle

LOVBUTT:

Shewouldnt ring her own doorbell. Come in.

QUEENIE stanr b ex;t. TtE W cones on in the niddle of"B*tlwatcb UK". Both
IACK DA\Y/ and IDA's wica are lftaxl enaMtinsflen the sc.reen.

your

I'11 call

from the

knchen.
is d

ing

on

tk

oLd

tloorlrcll.

woman.

I$e door swing: open and there stands the C4T druse[ rather bdCb, ,$ Lrake.

JACK DAV:

. . . Six montlu on, and still no sighting o{ the ductling,

who, m you will remernber lrom the photograph released
at the time, has whar can best be described as a rather
unforgenable appearance. Now, our expens believe that he
may :lready hrve undergone certain changes md lhey heve
pur togeths thG photofit of whar rhey believe he nighr

CAT:

Quack, quack.

UGLY:

Oh no! \flhat

CAT:

Thought I'd cooked ny goose, ehl (,4ctirg)Is that any way

to greet your long lost feather . . . fathert

LOVBUTI:

Your {arher? Ugliness cenainly nrru in the family.

UGLY:

He's not my father, don't listen to him.

look like today. Sone vievers may find this imge

di*urbing.

IDA:

I'm
seen

sure he is still our there somewher. So.

hin, please call in.

if anvo.e

has

ffi

you doing here?

HONKI

60

H is overcome.

CAT:

Son . . hug

your daddv Your mother

(seductiwly)

QUEENIE:

and I have been worried sick.

Music No. 13a TQM CAT STING

(Instrurnental)

Does he Iook like adu, k)!

UGLY:

Don\ ler him nerr me

LOVBUfi:

Now, now dear. Folk who live in glashoues shouldnt

call the kettle bl:ck . . . or something lile rhit.

UGLY:

He's

CAT:

Ah, ha, ha, ha, children

A tam catl

LOVBUTI:

\/e

ideas, Queenie.

have an armng-

ment, don't for3er.

It is too kte.
heae*t doe,

car!

Don't get any frnny

QUEENIE dnd tbe CAT anb hdw e!6

not ur"htolovUGL\

vill have their tun I'm sorv if he

you any inconvenience ad l'm most grateful
rhir )ou ve . . . kepr \im rll rn one piece. Come rlong

LOV/BUTT:

Dr.rcky. rhank Lhe nne

behseen

fat

eacb other. The

CaT,

'oh.au,ahn.

Ohno!There will

be rears be{ore bedtime!

has caused

i c,'.I

rell

poul'q rorlooungrfterlou.

It

is appdrent thdt LO\YBUTT

He s

CAT:

...hungry...

UGLY:

. . . no good,

QUEENIE:

(re-nterin!7t's no sood,the linet

CAT:

ve1l, helio.

QUEENIE:

Mercy - rnother duck, whais th malterl Havetrl you got

CATr

MADAM, I'D BI HONOI,T.ED

THOUGH I'M NOT OF YOIJR ILK
IF \i/E COIJ'I,D GET TOGETHER
MA'IBE SHAX,T A DISH OF MIIK

QTJEENIE

STR,

LO\(BUIT:

Queeniel You loose cat!

CAT/
QUEBNIE

TOGETHER ON THE Ttr-ES

conniving ton cat.

engaged

CAT:
ne

CAT start'

d cdt to

pr9;cio*s/ Shouldnl you be gening brckt You srid hh

nother was si& with worY.

ftdnti.dlb

pll

ON GARDEN \(ALLS

QUEENIE.

UGLY:

TOGETHER

ofhis feathen, beak, aek ac to reveal hinselfas

I rold you he wa:

tom cat.

\rc w]LL MAKE TIN

ROOFS

SEEM HOTTER

LOV/BU:|T:
a

TD BE DELIGHTED
THOUGH IT'S TRI.'E YOU'RE A SCRUFF
BUT VHEN ONT'S I{AD THINGS EASY
ONE LIKIS A BIT OF ROUGH

\fE VILL TOTTER

TOGETT]ER vT \},ILL SIT

Meeoow! Meeoow!
to

prewnt dry liaisan

(cat, Queenie, Lowbun)

CAT:

LOVBUTT:

she can ta

Music No. 14 TOGETHER

iou. A 'ly. rrercherous. double.ro*ing

UGLY:

will da anytbing

QUEENIE and the CAT.

TOGETHER YOU'LL BE THROMNG UP

FIJ'R BALLS

HONK!

62

HONKI

CAT

CAT/
QTJEENIE:

TOGETI.IER VE VILL
A CAT FLAP
TOGETHER AFTER DA},]( \(E'LL FILE
TOGETFIER \gE \(/ILL SNUGGLE
FOR A CAT NAP

BLNLD OLRSELVES

QT]IENIE:

TOGETHTR \ E VILL CONQUER

ALLBEFORF tiS

LOVBUTT:

TOGETHER YOU CAN RID HER OF HERILEAS

IN
LOWBUTT tumt tn UCLYlir

I,OVBUTT:

63

dstistunce.

TOGETHER YOU COULD STRING A VIOLIN

LO\Y/BUTTfarces haself betulell tie

lawr

YOU HAVE TO HELP ME OUT

IT'S LOOKING ?P.ETTY GRIM

and nddre"* QUEENIE

\(HAT \flILL BECOME OF ME

H CD YOt IORCO'I I LN, DFAR)
TT{E CLINIC HAS CONFIRMED

THAT THEY CAN FIT YOU IN

YOU N[,ED TO BE DE\(ORMED
AND \(,ITH YOLIR LAST ATTACK
YOU ALMOST FILLED A SACK
SO MA1BE YOU SHOULD GO
LO\V BUTT nou

atlbesses

lx

LOWBUTT rel"as UGLY antl uhers hin to tln doar, which sk apms awf prcba
tbe

beuuazd UGLY

C4T.

lntotutb taudre ofLo\trBufi\ intenrntion, and cast

to hts

Vell,

freehn

go on

fien . . . run!

OH DEAR, ALAS, AL{CK

THE DOOR \(AS LEFT AJAR
THE DUCKLING HAS ESCAPED
IIE \(ON'T HAVE GOT TII-{T FAR
IF YOU START MAKING TRACKS
YOU'RE BOUND TO HEAR HIS QUACKS
AND CATCH HIM FOR YOL]RSELF
DON'T LET US DELAY YOUR TRX)
}IE'LI- SOON BE \X{THIN YOUR GRI?

T}1AT SHE IS R-A.THER PRONE

TO CARRY PAI-A.SITES
HER TLts. IS NOT HER O\(IN
AND ON ]1]E I]YGIENE FRONT'
TO BE BOTH IN"\NK AND BLI]NT
IT'S }ETTER YOU DON'T KNO\{/
ALTHOUGH I DON'T VISFI TO GRIPE
r DON'T THINK SHE'D BE YOUR TI?E
taa loz,en appear to

SI

SFIE'S GONE

IT'S ONLY FAIR TO SAY

The

II

SHOULD GO \{4TTI HIM?

ALL GOOIY-EYED
AND I AM TERNFIED
SHE'LL LIr\w lvlE ON THE SHELI
IF

Tlrc CAT, dwing a slyllsed tango, agnkes

P'l6ae UGLY He

'b

ow

whaher to

dxchling LAWBUT'|"n@enonio
blpodtidlU trLi to confail

CAT/
QUEENIE;

TOGETHER \/E \(/lLL SING

OLIR O\fN CAT'S CHORUS
TOGETHER \{E CAN CI.IOOSE
OUR FAVOL]RITE KEYS

LOVBUfi:

TOGETHER

uith QUELNIE ot

*ops QUEENIE'ta
and m:ba
the

VE\vlLL OVERCOME

THIS F{EARIACHE

TOGITHER WE'\T THE STRENGTH

SEE IT THROUGH

TO

afr

dbandand QUEENIE.

ttx

HONK!

HONKI

LOWBUIT/
QUEENIE:

TOGETHER AS IF NOTHING

REAILY IIAPPENED
TOGETHER \OE
TOGTTHER llflE
TOGETHER \/E

Scene

\rILL STAY
\'ILT STAY

\/IIL

STAY AS ME AND YOU

DRAKE:

I/ell your father

DO\/\TY:

Mum would've let

DRAKE:

Mum's nor here you're grounded.

BILLY:

Oh, gu3no!

DRAKE

And where d'you pick up language like thatl I told you

rct to hang aroud with that kingfisho . . . he's so b1ue.

BILLY:

Vell, you

DRAKE

Thafs different. I say it

BILLY:

Still means the same thing.

FLLiFF:

\flhenk mum coming back)

Two

the ducklant, DRAKE is nat daing toa @tl at tooking dfd the DUCK'
LINGS e,hite IDA x away. The DUCKLINGS seen to be Soin1 tlrrc eh that
stdge'. DL4KE u'1its impatbntll for tben to renm afer dn e"Ening ouL

Bach

in

Music No. 15 THE COLI-A.GE

@rale, Idr, Company)

DRAKE

AS A

Dfu{KE

65

say

does.
9s stay our.

it.

ir a mture,

adult and grown up

rr,fY MISTAKE

\fAS LETTING HER GO SEARCHING

DRAKBi

FOR MY SON

dunno, honey. And hrve you preend your feathers

today?

\TAH, THAT ONEI

IT AIN'T RIGHT
I'VE S?TNT IOEEKS

BEAKY:

'We haven't got on

FILLING BEATS

DRAXS:

Vhat do you mean you haven'r got on to it yet? \fhat do

they tah yo,.r these daysl You know what happens ro
ducks that don't preen? They sink.

FLUFF:

But she is coning backl

D&{KE

I dunno,horey. (fa

DOVt{Y:

The moorhens dont have pondweed.

DRAKE:

No, the moorhens wouldn't.

FLIJFF:

Vill

HEARING'DADDY, DADDY, DADDY'

rM DEPRESSTD
ROI IND THE NEST
DAY AND NIGHT
71e

uttu

nore adnlescent DUCKLINGS rctu1n

DRAKE

Ad

FLUFF:

V/e son of lost track of rhe time.

to that yet.

anotber DUCTLING, And did you eat

rhe pondweed I packed for you.

what son of rime do you call this?

The owl didn't give

hoot.
she

find Ugly)

HONKI

HONK!

DRAXE

(snaWndt dunno, honey. I . . . I dunno. Now cone along

gang, it's time to roost. Make sure you brush your beaks,
and dontrake all the water, my bill\ big enoughl

(IDA:)

7k rct

Tte DUCKLINGS all etit.

Tlel

\{'I]EN IDA SAID SI{E'D GO I HAD TO LET 'ER

A ST{AME, BECAUSE THIS APRON
SUITS HER BETTER

YOU ARI ]\4ISSNC FROM

MI \iT]O'S FEELING LOST
\fiTHOUT YOU I FEEL LOST

'J'IIIIf

of the COMPANYfoTW a 'Grceh chans' conmenting on

oaiorc accaatremmts
cbaracterr IDA mut' o" hs jo"mey.
haue about them

Alt.;

Cra's-fade to

lDA

]1IAT SHI !fON'T FACE THE FACT

As

IDA cont;nue! hel joumet ue

s@

DR 4KE dn l ruRt<EY bach on

the

\fleti, have you heard uyhing from Ida yet?

DRAKE

No, sltet got the nobile ofi. But the pigeon delivered
nore

r\is noraing. I1e

"I'm here.

IDA

(ofrta8e)D^d?

Bdck to

Now vhatl

ALLVOMENT IOOKATIIER

S(ne Thie

on her

io met.

ADMEN:

LOOK AT HER

\TOMEN:

NOTHING SHAKBS HER

FROM HER STRONG BELIEF

In

a collage

ID&

ofalsnett*

"!)e

faLla@

\fLL

IDA on

het joume! to

trr tufnd UGLY

SEARCH EVERY POND

\{'LL SEARCH EVERY STREAM, EVERY RIVER
AND THE BROADEST OF BAYS
IN THE VIDEST OF LAKES
MUST BE CROSSED

I
I

pnc of papet) tt lust says

Pratt's Boaom". I dunno if rhaCs r place or if
unlolds a

shet just being offensive.

conttnulr

farm.

TURKBY:

ME

on het )aume1. The callase mwi.c

tbe

THEM

CAN'T SEE
YET IDA SOMEHOW COPES \!{TH ALL OF THIS
AND TIfEN, ON TOP OF T}L\T

DRAKE:

ptogres,.

SEE THE \fiAY

THE ODDS ARE STACKID)

I JUST

VflH

IDA\

n ditinguish a

CAN'T SHE

YOU FIND IN ACTUAL FACT.

YOU'RE BACK AT SQUARE ONE
THERE'S NO JOY IN MOTI{ERHOOD
OR II THERI IS, IT'S SOMETI]ING

SHE PUTS U?

a7 props necessdry

LOOK AT HER

THAT HA\,T, TO BE DONE

I]]EN \flHEN YOU THINK
SEEN THE BACK OF

Ltr}

LOOK AT HER
IT'S A SHAME

\OHERE'S THE JOY IN MOTHERHOOD?.

AN ENDLESS ROT]ND OF CHORIS

YOU'\E

\,fY

IT'S

MEN:

NOTHINC SHAN F5 HTRSTRONG BELIEF

VOMEN:

LOOK AT I]ER

MEN:

LOOK AT HER

HONKI

HONK!

I'/OMEAI:

IT'S SO HARD TO COME TO TERMS

QLTEENIE:

(arydins

besde

LOIVBU

\(/ITH
IDA

AIL:

GR]EF

sets

69

ry

Did someone say rom carl

ofa&xin.

ALL

AwAy

AS EACH SEASON SLI?S

IDA is in conwrsatirn with GREYLAC dnd DOT botb of whon arc hul,ib

SADTY THERE'S A TRIND

bdndaged @nh splintr, crutcht etc

COMMON SENSE \(OULD SEEM TO SAY

THERE'S NO HAPPY END

IDA:

. . . and he is about so high with

a rather characterisric

IDA

honk.

dppea$ bestde

pau;ngover

GREYIAG:

fnal, dand uindou.

GR 'LAG\

Slrc is

Sounds Like thar squaddy. He shot rhrough a while ago. I

say he sho rhrough, it was s! who were shor through.
Practically brought about ou Tra{algar.

IDA:

DOn

I think you mean Vaterloo, dear.

:I be

GREYIAG:

Here, you can take this, i{ n helps. (t]e han* ber bis map,

CAT:

ThaCs nonh of here, nn1

IDAI

Yes.

CAT:

How very ineresting.

'hot

sol-o:

tho"shv)ith

No, Drale, listen, he vx last

direction of Moorhnd Frm

CAT

opens the

uindow b6ide IDA

. sbe

d@'n't

vt

see

seen uavelling

in

the

b;m.

itl

btu et holes)

-LOOKATHER
SO

talhing on the nokh phone arut

mdp.

CONVINCID SHE'S GETTING NEAR

LOOK AT HER
SHE'S A

REST:

LNTLE LATE \/E FEAR

IDA:

LOOKATHER
SO CONVINCED TT{AT SHE iS GETTING NEAR

LOOK AT HER
SHE MAY BE A LITTLE LATE
lDA al,lxan at

the cottdge

And how do we know you're nor

IDA:

beg

IJ{E FEAR

cat.

your pardon?

tlr

CAT.

Yo!!!

Four

lue catcb
@ith UGLY @ho is bdtk in the open fuICs. He htnia along hohing
rtroously "p
auer hi sbo der to chech thdt tlle CAT is not pursuing bim. He stops
uhen he h?an a phinnoe cry. UGLY tum' to ebere the sound is con;g

'ho1t

fron
LO\vBUTT:

sea

ALL cbae of. As oar attentian ir dioaled, PENNY mas, entangbd in fsbing
line
Scene

@indou. LOIVBUTT peers ast.

LOVBUTT:

lDA rtms and

and d{scoaen a beautiful yo'ns

lindb

s@an,

PEI\7\ry, tunglcd in

f'bins tini

The last ducl who c:me by Lere rurned out ro be a tom

cat - one of those nasty transfeatherit*.

PENNY:

Help mel4r',ll, vop.) Plerse. help mell m caughr.

HONK!

UGLY:

HONKI

\fto...whoareyou)

'fre . . . like I

PENNY:

say

irl

71

just a stage we

al1 have

ro

go

through.

I'm Penny.

Piase, do

/ou think you

can untangle me)

UGLY:
UGLY:

(self consao

UGLY basbfufu ties

to

fnd

t' l,

an end to

tbe

...

fthing lire.

He ;: still nesnerisel'

le'xntn; hn tush) Exuse

could you Iift your wing upl

(bdshf,tb

r 1t vy.
PENI.W:

My morher

UGLY:

@ddenly azthusiastb) So did

always warned
people leave behind.

rl'e. (He cilcres

bd @a^,

ne to avoid the fishing line the

\t(rh... whar are you?

(s rprised dt the q"estion)

t\

swan.

mirc. She usd ro tett me

vhen we vere out swimming. (Conpleting his task)

ooh, mind you dont

hurt yourself on that hook. No poinr in us Sorh getting

There . . . just one more loop around your

1eg.

damaged.

PENNY:

lAugi,g L CL\. Oh. thdnL 1ou. Irhoughr I w.$ gouls ,o

be left behind and this is no place to spend the winrer
alone. /24rue, \flhert your !ock?

UGLY:

UGLY:
PEN}.IY:

Typical me, my first migration and what happens. . .

UGLY:

Your

PENNY:

Migration. The cold wearher is setthg

int

whatl

doni l{now. lin lo,r.I \r

lrom m1 tmity nd
'eprrrted
I look for rhem rhe hnher ir ,eeru I wander

rbe more

in

and we rre

leaving today for the warm lands.

PENT.qY:

Thacs dreadtul, when did yor: last see them)

UGLY:

Leaving?

UGLY:

In the spring.

PENNY:

You're

PENNY:

UGLYI

In the spring! You've been lost since the springt you poor
thing, you can't sray fier for the winter, you'llfreeze.

So!ry.

UGLY:

No,I'll

funny one, all

these

quesions.

be

alrieht.

PBNNY:
lYe

UGLY:

Everyone calls me Ugly.

PENTIY:

Oh, don't lisen to rhem, it's a

be

MOTTIER SVAN ca ingfrom afstase.

MOTHER
stage we all go rhiough.

You should hear some of the things they called me before

rfi- mou|. fennv d"eadful. tenny-plJin. Penny d.opping.

UGLY:

(quietb, Prary Pennyt FI.or' could anyone call you namesl

s\rAN:

&ndzn$ PENt*v

(ofndse)Penny.
has

an tlea.

I .i;r1i,c{l:il;i!:i.;

HONK!

An Two \..

Come with mel The others won't mind

help you lind your
spring we'1l return together and

PENI.IY:

HO\K:

". "
Muiic No, 16

I'

NO\/ r\T

Y',,

faniiy.

oh,I

couldnt posibly.

UGLY:
.

Oh, Penny, I'd love to, I'd really love ro, but I can't . .
canl fly, at least not well enough to go with you.

COB\ LB\

rVI
.

It doesnt maner if you're not x strong x rhe orhen, I'l)

stay back with you and fly at your pace.

It soundr wondelful, but I must keep going, I have ro find

my mother. I'rn sure she canl be far away. Maybe when
you cone back

ir

IVE SEEN BUTTERFLIES ON BLUEBELLS

DRINKING IN THF, DFIfl

Of course you could. Con on, orwe'U neve! catch up.

PEN}.IY:

SEEN YOU

the spring we can meer up again.

I'd lile that. Are you sut, you will

be

alrightl

I]',J

Tf]l SUr\llCH l, )HININC,

SEEN THEM TOO

SEEN VOODLANDS

fVE
N THE AUTUMN
FALLING LEAVES OF EVERY SHADE AND HUE
I THOUGHT I KNE\f \(/HAT BEAUTIFUL \T/AS
BUT NOI( TVE SEEN YOU
T\IE SEEN \(ATERFALLS CASCADI]\'G
SPARKLING IN TIIE LIGHT
DAMSEL FLIES THAT DANCE THEIR DANCE
FROM MORNING TILL MGHT
I'VE SEEN RAINBOVS RTACHING SKYI/ARI)
PASS BET\IEEN TI-IE CLOIJDS
THEN FADE FROM VIF,\g

I THOUGHT I KNX\fl \THAT BIAUTIFL,']- \i/AS

BUT NO\(/ IVE SEEN YOU
UOIHLR SlvANanll BEWCK appea mjatically.

MOTHER
SWAN:

Pemy, come along, darling, we'll

be lare.

I dont like to leave you here like rhis but I really have to
go now. Good-bye md rhank you again, I von'r forset

PEN

ryh

Es

As sbe kat:es,

UGLY in hq Nit78' tbel LeaM in the dffedion ofthe other swan.

UGLY again lnarc her 'bonk'.

Hohk!
UGLY doubleaks and kohs ccnfused.

AND THOUGH I'VF, SFFN

TFII \(/TLOV'S VTEPING BRANCHES
TTJE MISTY MORNING AIR
A CLEAR AND STARRY NTGHT
FL{S NOTHING TO COMPARE ,,JflITH YOU
TVE SEEN SVALLO\SS IN THE SUMMER

\{'T]EELING OVERHEAD
I HA\E SEEN THE SILKVORM
SPINNING GOSSAMER THRIAD
l HAVE SEEN THE GOLDEN SUNSET
OVER THE HORIZON
PAINTING SKIES OF PTNK AND BLUE
I THOUGHT I KNX\(T Y/HAT BEAUTIFT]L \OAS
3UT NOV TVE SEEN YOU
NO\f fVE SEEN YOU
OH NO'i/ I'VE SEEN YOU

HONK!

HONK!

tlft thought .fdwns on him th' loneane as bea

haw
anytbinsto do uitb soneone a: ugb a' hin
ds PENt\ry,rll not wdnt ta
UCLY becoma dapondent

(UGLY,

She

as

von\

back. But

tifrl

75

UGLY kolzs at the BULLFROGfoT tbelirst tine.

(BULLFROG:)

remembs me. I bet she doesn't even come

she does . . . why wouLd she want to have

if

. . . fiere, see. I qean join rhe do6, if we're ralkins 'ugly'

they don't come much more aesthetically- challenged than
me. J Lnon *h.r yo rlrouble s - you ve been preenins
yourself too nuch.

anlthing io do vith me)

Music No. 16a PR.E VARTS

\{har

UGLY:

do you

meal

(Irotrlrnental)

At thdt noment d kge BI |LLFROG hops ap beside UGLY car,ling a rolhd ap

fupad under bi: am. The BULLFROG placa tbe lib on the soui.l anll hops
onto i. LIGLY tt xrtt anlj couv\, atvming it to be soneone e\e ta ta'nt him
BT]LLFROG:

Ribbn, ribbn, whoops, pardon rne.

BULLFROG:

You've got !9y4 in the mouth. Voo ha, ha, ha.

UTLNCZ) Nothing. I'm gtiing nothing.

[o

,4

UGLY:

I want to be left on my own.

BULLFROG:

dornright anti-social. Hing on. lcrea^ ,n

I've gor a hunan in my ttuo r. (Aeain the BULL'o',
FROG goes into byst*ics bst non rcali<es that he s kughing
alonel Oh well, I know how you fee1, but you mustn't let
it depress you. I sraned our as a blob o{ jeily and n's been
Now

thaCs just

BIIT,FROG:

Sorry, Fealhen, I didn'r mean to male you iump. Not that

there\ anlthing wrong wirh jumping of course - it son of

mru

ir

downhill ever since.

the lamily or junps in the family depending on

UGLY actual\ kohs as &oush

k @dtnins to

tbe BULL.

FROG

BULI,FROG:

\(antl

UGLY:

Vell, go on, you might

me how ugly I an.

BLTLLFROG:

Ugly?

UGLY:

Thre. I hope you feel berter now.

BLTLLFROG:

\(/oa, woa, woa. H.ng on a minute. Do you mind if I hop

off and come bacl on

He

naku afake

e:cir and

as

well get it o{f your chest tell

TbisJinally

aeaio?

have a word with yourself, Feathers. \(rho am

call you uglyl Look * me . . .

gas

thrc"sh to UGLY

@ho

ldask

,itb the BULLFROG tbis time.

You Lnow what our trouble

re.attry.

I nean,

say to myseJf, "I'rn just a hrndsome prince ia frogt

clorhing and one day someone's going to come along and
kiss me aod release ny imer beauty". paa@ And chen I
say to myself, "Nah, ger rea1, who walts to snog a frog!"

! to

is?

UGLY:

No.

BULLFROG:

Our 'inage' isn't in vogue. That's all. It\ a quesion of

r*re. Bur you mrr\ my word.. one dal 'ugll r ill be in

HONK!

76

Aa Two n.-

Music No. 17 \(ARTS AND ALL

(Bulifrog, Ugly, Froglels, Con1pmy)

(BIJ'I"LFROGl)

tr YOUJUST

TIGHT ON YOUR LILI?AD

EACH SILLY FAD \NLL PASS
SIT

TI-IEN THOSE \(HO SPORT

THIS SEASON'S LOOK
.*,ILL FALL FLAT ON THEIR

ASK-YOUR.MOTI]ER,\ITIAT.IT'S.CALLED
FOR FASHION TS A FICKLE THING
BUT JUST YOU VAIT AND SEE
THE DAY \VILL COME \ITIEN \(T'RI TN sTT'I-E
AND THEN I GUARANTEF .

lO\Kl.

SHINE FORTH)

UGLY:

A MOUTII THAT RUNS FROM EAST TO \rcST

IS BOT]ND TO I,{AKE YOU LOOK DEPRESSED
IT'S BETTER IF THE CORNERS

BOTH POINT NORTH

BULLFROG:

That's the idea . .

SO

DON'T GO INTO HIDING

T}.IERE'S NO NEED FOR DISGUISE

EVIN SOME IOTATOES HAVE GOT MCE EYES

I'm rellinsyou, Fearhen

SOMEONE'S GON$A

LO\T YER

SOMEONE'S GONNA IOVE YTR

SOMEONT'S GONNA LO\E

OUI THERE
CORNIR
IN AMONGST THE FA(INA
SOMEONT'S GONNA FATT FOR YOU
THOUGH TM T\?AI{NOSAURUS REXY
SOME \x{LL FIND ME SEXY IN MY \qAY
THOUGH TT MAY TAKE SOME TIME
TO FIND 'EM
\{TIEN YOU DO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL
,COS
OUT THETTI SOMEVHBRE
SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
\./ARTS AND ALT
UGLY:

(entbuiasucatly) Do

BULLFRO(;i

course. If I didn\, I might as well jack ir atl in and

donate my legs to g*ronomic research. I,n relling you,
Feathen, you've got ro iook on the suany side o{ rhe lily

yor rcally

I{ARTS AND ALL

BUUFROG:

Now you're aorking my language!

UGIJ:

OUT TTIERI
IN A MUDDY PLTDDLE
SOMEONT NEEDS A CLTDDLE
THOUGH THE CH,{NCT IS SMALL

BULLFROG:

IT'S TRUE]
JUST THINK I(HJENE\TR YOU NEED BOOSTING

ONT DAY YOU'LL BE ROOSTING \ITIH A MATE!

THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME
TO FIND 'EM
\XTIEN YOU DO YOU'IL HAVE A BALL

Of

THE UGLIEST OF CREATURES

A FEli/ REDEEMING FEATLIR.ES
SO V'I]Y NOT LET YOUR BETTER POINTS

]TR

UGLY:

believe thrt?

pad.

OUT THERE

SOMEONI'S GONNA LOVE }'F.R

VARTS AND ALL
JUST AROI,'I.JD THE

(BI,'LLFROG'

OUT THEI.E

HA\T

"d

BOTH:

.COS

OUT THEfu]

SOME\flHERE SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER

\(ARTS AND ALI,

FIONK!

78

Theyoxnger nenbers

BULLFROG:
I ROULI I

s:

oftle COMPANY, *es'ed

TE1I

FIONK!

as

FROGLETS, drc @edbd

(BULLFROG/

UGLY/MEN'

hiN, Kids!

FROGLtrTS/
\TOMEN:

\( )\1lWHl RF OUI 'tHIRI:

\/E DON'T KNOW \TTIERI

79

TI]OUGI I THE CHANCE

IS

SMALL IT'S TRUE

SOMEWHERE OUT TrIETiE

IfI

DON'T KNOV \/I IERE

sOMEONI Y4T,L CARI
TLIEY'RE GONNA I,OVI YER \i'ARTS AND ALL
sOME\NHERE OUT THERT
\VE CAN-'T SAY TJ(/IIERE OR 'il/FIEN THOUGII
THE CHANCE IS SMAI-L IT'S TRLIT

SOMEONE IflLL CARE

THEY'RE GONNA I-OVE ]'I]R ]i{TARTS AND ATL!

SOME\THERI OUT IIIERE

\(/E CAN'T SAY \fiIERE
BU'T SOMEONE IS GONNA FALL FOR YOU

BULLFROG:

THOUGI I TM TY}L\NNOSAIJ']IUS REXY

SOME \I.II-L FIND MI SEXY II\'MY \I/AY

BULLFROG:

JUST THN.JK \ITIENEVER YOU NEID BOOSTING

ONE DAY YOU'LL BE ROOSTING \{l]TH A MA"IF,!

FROGLITS:

THEY'LL FIND YOU SEXY

UGLY:

SOON

FROGLETS/
\TOMEN:

SOON YOU'LL BE ROOSTING

BUILFROG/
UGLY:

THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME

TO FIND 'EM
\IFIEN YOU DO YOU'LL Ii{VE A tsALL

FROGIETS:

IfE KNO\f YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL

ALI-:

'COS OUT THERI SOME\OHERI

SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE 1TR

Ihe

Ht

ofthe COILPANY, aka drclset

COMPANY:
BI,'I,LFROG/
UGLY/MENr

SOIVIEONE,S

d FROGLETS,

BULLFROG/
UGLY/MEN:

BE ROOSTING

\I/]TH A MATFI

TIIOUGII lT MAY TAKI SOtvIE TrME

TO FIND 'EM
\{HEN YOUDO YOU'LL HAVE A BALL

FROGLETS/

VOMEN:
ter.

GONNA rOVE tTR

fLL

\(/E

KNO\{ YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A tsALL,

BALL, BALL, BALL, I|ALL

COMPAI\ry;

,COS

OUT:IHERE

SOME\flHERE SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER

OUT THEITL

SOLO

SOMEONE'S CONIbJA I-OVE YER

SOMEONE'S GONNA LOVE YER

FROCLET:

\/ARTS AND ALI

OUT TI IERI
IN A MUDDY PIJDDLT
SOMTONE NIEDS A CLDDLE

COMPANY:

OUT THERE
SOME\ITIERD SOMIONE'S GONNA LOVE YER
OUT THERI
SOME\OHERE SOMEONT]'S GONNA LOVE TTR
rJfAR'I'S AND AI I,

-*rys*,,,.
HONKI

80

(COMPANY'

Aa Two

VARTS AND ALL

\(/ARTS AND ALI

ut-*rm

FARMER'S

VOICE

Now, where,s my knife? phew,

irt a bit brass monkevs

out here tonighr. Darn, I must've lefr it in my car.

Music No. 17A I/ARTS OFF

(nstrumentd)

W hat

Must hop,I,tl be seeing yer, Fe:rhers. And remember, one

day ir vill be us who are the flavou of the month - oops,
what am I sayhgt

UGLY:

Good.bye. ud rr l ou e.er Lnd

1ou*elf ne;r,he
do c&n,I'd Iov you ro me* my frmily.

BULLFROG:

ri/ell I hope you find ,em

alright. Sray warm, say cheeriut.
See yer. Ribbn, ribbit.

FARMU t loot.tep:

nv BULUROC hop" ot again. Vu<" .top,. tJLLy toob"s abour htn, not *,e
t:,!tch @a) to ,,m. h u gatins da.k. Suddnb a bBhr rcreh
bcan .hin^ onrc
hin. He stares traulxed in ts lp"n

"

rerrcaung

$.

n ie nud. tfu LaT,udd"at\

You again. How did you find me?

CAT:

Oh, r lirtle bird told ne.

UGLY:

Well you're roo

CAT:

TsL. Such

UGLY:

Even if you hdped me ro escape you'd only eat

see rhe macram6 clases

1ate.

I'm

going to be

FARMER

VOICE:

I'\.no

UGI-Y:

HonklHonkl

good you yruSglirg

"nd honkirg. I ve gor a frmity
ro feed and you'li ruke a fine suoday roisr. -

eten by

rhe people.

nc your-

sel{.

CAT:

True.

UGLY:

Vell you're nor going to

get me.

car door slans sbat.

Oh, no. Het coming back.

CAT:

Now listen, Ducky. I

have what I

both.

Hont, honk, honk.

paid off.

vasre.

very lemprinS prupo.iion -

UGLY:

up

pop,

""t

UGLY:

\frell what have we here) A nice plunp tirtte duckting.

A net drops oaer UGLY

tC I Y i

Hello, Ducky. I

FARMER'S

'@'

CAN

dr,.k1rd

Music No. 17B ?OST-VARTS

(tnstrumenrrl)

VOICE:

lhc

/lom nauhere an.l

Tte FROGLETS di'pe$e.

BULLFROG:

HONKT

think you will

!hich miglr

agree is a

JJ,r \ru.b

u,

UGLY:

\/ell,I dont

CAT:

If you *ay here ir will be your turn to be a 'dresed duck',

but if you come virh me I will rake you b:ck to rhe fann
and you will ger ro.ee yorr morher. . . ior o1e las, ( me.

UGLY:

Enher way I ger earen, righr?

like oruges ifthat'span of the plan.

.ry."
HONK!

cAn

I7e11,

ty/e heat

you canl have ir borL ways.

FEMALE

soLo:

apprw hine fo o t steps.

sKx s Atrf LREy AND MINA( \u

frA HF
BLTZZARD \0'QU[D

Quick. Make up ).our nind.

Alrighl you're on.

7be

C4T qa;chly slxb*

the net @;th h1,

I
l

(compaq.)

of as the light

MMMAH, MMMAH. MMMAH

LMMMAH. MMMAH, MMMAH

farr. arr. en
I an. an. aH.
au. au nu.
I

tea:t you ger ro see your morher rg:in.

hurry

I MMMAI{.

cku,.

Aftl don' ,e rny lurn) bbine\. Fpmember rhi, wa)

,r

7he two

CHORUS:

Music No. 18 TTaERIJZZARD

k,1m rcta,rx and sbine, onto

the

empt! net

SEEM CERTATN

AND EVENGOOD KjNG Ty,ENCFSIAS

WOULD NOI DRA\ BACK HISCURTAJN

dttu"
Te!u:.d,uchaa
48

ve LA t st degh

UCLY.

in an tn"r*nnLat.

ttu44

aL us*LaLyand

h/ough tbe <noa. ty/e dL",.p tDA ,ttu*tt

ry. h,. ,nable rc.ee
throush rhe btirh,tt, d^pitp parst.e neht belie
rtit,W",t"",,i
t

k^

)m"

FARMER'S

VOICE:

UGLY:

I cant see beyond the end of rny beak!

CAT:

Keep going, it

c4.r tead u?t y.dwdl: h L bturl,okt ot t<ure. otd

a rhe,cne pros,t*es
lc to sno.::-h:!.,t1
by.is
AI ncnbe., aJ tup cou"pA w 1",^ ii""f ,t tt
lhtt? ue
UCLY lbe L4T and tDA tt ugttnsthrcugh the.not
"
'ft

IDA:

Hellol Are you out therel h anybody out

FEMALE

CHoRUS:

Vell curdle

the cream on my cornflakes ,

het

escapedl
I

Scene Five

i"i

soLo:

THE SI]I\ IS COLD AND VATERY

THE PONDS Aru DEBPLY FROZEN
OF ALL THE TIMES FOR TRAVELLING
IT'S NOT \J(/HEN

UGLY:

The storm continues to

Shut up. It's &is snow.

ft

be close

now.
rhere?

boal

(sdrcdsticdth)

THE \i/EATHER'S TURNTD OUT MCE AGAIN

BUT SADTY IOR O1JR HERO
THE \)('.IND CHITL FACTOR TENDS TO KEIP
TTIE TEMPIRATURE STJ}ZF,RO

\iT'D HAVE CHOSEN

Are you sue ro krow your sry bac!, ro

rhe ou.Lvrd)
we,eem ro be goins roud in Lircle\.

mut

+ CAT/
UGLY:

THE BITING COLD

THI SMRLING SNO\(/

IT'S HARD TO CATCII A BR.EATH

makes everything look rhe same.

CHORUS:

AND THOUGH V4 HATE TO SAY THE I/ORD

TIITY'RE FACING CERTAIN

-s1,"'

IIONK]

(cHoRUS'

FAC]NG CERTAIN
FACING CERTAIN.

IDA

bkes
a,e tpt !;.htGtyd\j rtu
C47 .onrt.etl b*ierl
Lt:::":
frnea,rh a h,K vo@".:..:"
drirq dxemLbte ont.y a tu
i
dnd tDA
uhohacotkpsedon ttesu.ta,,;,,1;:";;;;,;:',.0' t
'hc 'nou.
SOLO MALE/

FEMALE:

ALI-:

BUT NOT FOR CATS AND

BIRDS

IDA:

h nett. IDA ,tit\ ,

t (.ka. b.v+ia8
*"
.,o" *"t6 ,k ,",;nd Ee^ b
_a rlr
i t,i'ii'!"3,1::r::."::;"

*r*i

:.!;

ic.y,1ane.

quiet\)Honeyt...

.1.

my oe,rr. For r he s

Oh, if only I couid believe that.

BE\/ICIC

you must. Fo!

irhar do

the

mrh or

a mor

he-, rea., crn

we h:ve if we don,t have

hope)

BMut auj weep, m the snou th

,,"h,,. BeL,; ;. ;

v \tx tun. a@a!

:-'
");:,::,
y
n te uct
rhe;;;;il:,iii;iffii;",Zfi;":,fr,:;
'oum;E_,"1,ared
Lpaut{,t,r,n. D, rn nt ja wn i,.
t cLy,*,;;:.',.A::,;
^,
tn

rcet^s,, h6

graand k"gtn:

(zErr

V_

IDA:

IDA.t'atl, ta

Music No. 19 TRANSFORI,IATToN

(Jgh rda, penny)

parion. whe," we i*
nel ton a a a?prcad, bx

thrw rh. sroniesr frosr.

IT MAY IOOK GOOD FOR

CI.IR]STMAS CARDS

the

M), o,hy i, d d. t,\ rr nrv

rJulr. He
1.11..,r.,0:
wrnderd
rs"1.lron.,hc ne.r ijs .p,ns.
r :ho,ld h*"
8on:,{e: hln bu,I had h,, o,other. rni,nro.. ,o *,,,
r
coxron I JUn leave ,hem. And
now. n"q I.n roo hLe

$/AN:

SOLO MALE:

snoa on

of tt{ Stv.ANS.

MOTIIER

TOO BEAUTtrUL FOR \TORDS

nr

IDA:

MOTHER SVAN
?aa bq uing anund lDA.

THI \rIND HAS BLO\{A\I

THI SNOT/ IN DRIFTS

: rcw ho",l rc, bodj. A, fie

paases as she acknoatedges

$e prcsence

..

tbe

I GI

@"n

me la? sno@uater,

UGLY:

r'm

...

I,m not

duck, I,m nor

duck. I,In

svan!

As the nasic sodn UGLY proadty

dtsphys hi: new ptunage.
Oh,

no... My

baby!

Honk!

.t:

ftie. rc s-abbk a, the .to!

)l:i:i
^ Iilb:h
,ta, ,u-a,nd,
uor r. tt u!:,*
ro toauzl.
vnh"s n he. k*e,,obbitn.
<he

fuddenb UGLy,ees rDA.

Mama!

No. ror.like rhis. Nor after aU

rhis dme.
rnDg,,whar wa n for) \,/}ar qas
rte
lltfle tiiel Ir cant end like rhis.
Ir.an,r . . .
tDA.

rA rHtR \wA^..MotHt R wA\

:::,:aLit.:.,:,,:
Ln.erca
behthd ho, ecampanrcd

h) pEN/ti:/.

dad

nerface

one

UGLY/
IDA:

Rfv4cx

Nor

wil

n, my dear.

JUST KNO\X,TNG

H!lPID MI

ha.e

YOU VTRE OUT THERF.

TO GET BY

AND NOI'/ I/E'RE RITAIITED

I CAN HOLD MY HEAD UP HIGH

FATHER

SVAN:

anothd in sitence

';:r^"lf,l

aab,a

" Fon khnd ,h" oh-.h,cp

s,x/A

\tr. ptNTw p,.h4

85

HONK!

HONK!

ili

87

PENIIJY:

l.\ h:ni lr\

him. rarhtr. t he cygne I rold you abour, rhe

whosred mv lile./7o UGl )rDo
me)
l?a,Jel oh. come on, say yo, *rn..U.i'ou,emember
onp

11

IDA:

{nd lrom wh-r Lenember rhar nerrJy rinnheo

ne ofthardly .urpri'rng

tt.

-.r

UGLY:
i

/:bbt ot .

..

ol cor"rr

remember you.

Hoq could I

lorBer you) You re rhe rnos beruritut rhing

t.ve <vd ,een.

PENNY:

\X eJL

you.hould rrke

took a,

louown

UGLY:

But I want you to come.

IDA:

L an,

relie. tion.

IVE SEIN RAJ\Bo\/s REALHINC 5Kl.wAP.D

BETWEIN THE CLOI DS
TI{EN FADE FROM V]IIr
I THOUGHT I KNITO \NTIAT BEAUI'IFUL
!(/AS
BUT NO1'( T\E STIN YOU

IDA

THE MISTY MORNING AIR

A CLEAR AND STARRY MGHT
HAS NOTHING TO COM?ARE V4TH YOU

hno@inety

bte q irh

to@ad pE^Ny.

UGLY:

Bur I've only just found you. I'm not sure I waft
ro leave

IDA:

Of come 1ou do. Now go on.

us, r d

PENNY:

Of couN I did. I hr-\ \ hy I *ked you ro come

wirh u,,
only your wingr had been lrrong Moush.

swan.

MOTHER
S\TAN:

if

SVAN:

\/e11, now you

UGLY:

Ard rny nofier) Car

cu

OI .ou^e I cant.

come wirh us and learn our

tm ,rs r

But you taught me to swim?

b:gg1 otd d. ck, I , an,

ger

rI

rermt lnd

I m sure he wilJ. 6tu 3rres t GLy

see

lou fly.

hrd ror you

bur

fnat b"p wei'. za an

IDA uatcha.UGLY and ttn SVANS teiLe . okt of

silht of ttre audience. IDA

she come too?

you rhe ways ot rhe swans.

Cood'bye. my dear. I hi, mu,, be reru

thenl tf,r'r

v.",.

wonl you)

promise he llbe srfe wnh us.

IDA:

FATHER

berore

bu, rou make .ure you come b/ck md lisir

rhe ducklft. rro the tenate WAN| Laok ahe-

hrm lorme,

And you knew? You klew r was

UGIY:

kok

uruffe\Jry

UGLY:

IDA:

ro

AND THOUGH I'VE SEEN THE MLLO\(i5

ri{EEPTNG BRANCHES

brLA on .h"

,*u

thinlr t Lnow
"omeone who\ rurler kF"n ut )ou lhoulo

PEN}IYl
UGLYI

ml ptr.e i.

me react-Ee,

r ferhenhould
rror k ,oga he! Jnd our pL.e t wjrh
rhe sr rrs nos rndl
)

IJASS

come wirh you.

trrc"

you, rrth"r. bhs hlm. Thev wy bjrd" ot

1r

rea]l".

swim

contimks to shout eicoffilgement.

rea. h

Go on you can do itl Take

nur

ar

it!

ThaCs the

l-DA .hp, UGt Y! *..p,,Jut lake ofl a.1(1rDakh\ rlre,wAN\

Jt,
then @t!b he, etes and r!)aL", ta

ucfy

FIE

HI

\/AS DIFFERINT
Ii(/AS DIFIERENI
FROM THE REST

w:y!

of. \hclattau<

r
HONK!

Act Two

OF COURSE HE CAN'T BEIONG \YIIH ME

I KNO\f,I SHOULD I.IAVE GUESSED
HE \(ASN'T I,TINT TO MOTHER
HE Ti/ASN'T MINE TO RF,AR
ANOTHER DREAM GETS \i/ASHED AVAY
ANOTFIER DREAM ANOTHER MOTI-IER'S TEAR

hl h !,he s rttA \', rh2h, pa, t" lr,tt t,e, pJ^. A, t9 IJ, in thc
dt'taa,c. at:1t" be sn . Ke/' b 'be audrc nc . tDA tooh< pt ztett.
>"e , iuu, tr",
JbinsswANS.
l DA,oat M

ro,

,q*-rm

IDAi

HONK!
--..

Ylu JJe..flJniv rhr.4D,4 t,g,,hen ba rtn\optoud

ol voJ. VeL
wh/r rrc qe wriring ror? l

cant vair ro

Drake's reaction. r think he mighi lay an

see

ess and whar

IDA

89

lb!'nisht

rurn i"to do"sniU"aithiniing

nakes ta leal,e. UGLY boLts bdch.

UGLY:
Music No. 19A MELTING MOGGY

One,two,rhree...!

(C,t)
At thdt moment UGLY and pE^Nyredppear khind IDA.

Honkt (ltusic stops)\ou <lidnl

reaLlv

I've just gor a little uafinished busines.

think

behindl

ld

teave vou

UGLY goa orer to

the

fnzm

\nowman, uhich still contuins the CAT. LtGLy

CAT.

taps the ire ahich drcps away ta re@at tbe

Oh. bL, you mu,r. You musr rh,n^ rbou, your"ett noo.

It\ vou

life

udyou

belons wirh rhe swan(.

UGLY:

But whyl I donl cue whose egg I c:me out of, you
my morher. you rrired me rnd r har.. whar , oum,.

IDA:

\fell

UGLY:

Lt

CAT:

vr . .

are

raj<e. .on. ro make r sorlo, and rou ,rid

YOU CAN ILAY \vITH YOIIR DUCK

LN.{TIL YOU GOOSE IT
YOU CAN CHICKEN YOIJR S\/AN
UNTIL YOU GROUSE

rha'

Flello Du. . . Du . .. Du.. . Swannyt S,n^nny/ (A ld

hkon) svanee (,Jedicdt b.qb) Hov r love yr, how r tov

voursef

TOGETHER I(/E COT'LD FRICASSEE

YOUR MOTHER

he duckyard would bF borins iI $e dI tooked ,he

sam, so, I've deci&d ro come back wirh you , to
be
differenr.
\0e are both conring back.

IT'SACMZYLI...
IT'SACR{ZYU,.,
IT'S A CR.{ZY LI . .:

To

IT'S A CN.A.ZY TITTLE GAME

THE VEATHER'S TI,T.NED OUT NICT AGAIN

UGLY:

be the firsi swans on tle lake. r,ve been ditferent alt mv

l:fe. I p+ dirfe.enr A ducllinp mo nov
be yL,,r i.
"
d,lte,Fn, i\ r ,wan. I lile heins nle. I like mv honk. I ]itre
beingdif{erenr!

|t

I quit! I give up! I

sure

......Aaaarrgh!
1he

A I *n" out scrun,ng Th" tdppJ

trandtnsarcund rhm

ro rhe

ducbatd.

rc

CAr$D

..

erl I've been vorLing too hard

lahSh toEelhe-

at

i.

wt

d,anat;,alb

",.,4ld44eli.tirr,.:

HONK!

Scene Six

GRACE:
1l)e

nhabiknt, of rhe d,cqattt,

pruao

rc l-eet the,tuminr

Music No. 20 ACT

led

r/,e nau ot

r"*^.r0 r,,,
"r!irl,"ohi/e

Dr

KLt,rc\.

Iij=; [li.#j sii i"5,i:-",#tg ,:.,;:,i5

u,t

rerrnquEh fi Red Band.

Apptusefion

TVO FINALB LOOK AT HIM (Reprise)

the assenbted.

(company)

DRAKE/
MAUREEN/
GRACE/
DUCITUNGS:

MA IREEN.

V/err jr $ irh pride, m\ dar

b,,.d"",h;
i

j,]i;.*ii;; J:,,"";;;0"*,*

tu

Mue appkase fron

Hurra\l (Etc)
LOOK AT Htr\f
DID YOU IVER

UREEN, who suddmg reatkes

that

she

SEE A FINER BIRD

lDA/
LOOK AT Hft,
LOOKATUS,
SEE THE DIFFERINCE
\!TIY DID vT EVER THINK Hn4
A DLD?

HARK AT HnvI

HffiiltrilH3r

srr

\E

Vr HIARD
DRAKF,:

THIS TflHOLE SFIEBANG

MA}'BE YOU'LI FORGryF IN AIT

AND IOT HO?F
WTIH ENOUGH SOFT SOAP
IEAD OLR GANG?

or,o:l:I
asau. And

r.orsNe

,,

\ou. I.m iu,r hrppy ro se"

1ou
ro, ,q.om"6n'-' I n;. ;, 1,.rn,

inuodu(e

::"::

i,t#il"5y,ffitr;s1it#J,
*,h,"s"d

b'*"*

rDA and DRAKE rbe ruRKEy

ru1x into

creanng"ry
n a state of great exciemmt.

TTIRKEY:
:JJ

AIL:

Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

\i/har?!

Hello.

GMCE ptxha

TURKEY:
(Ec h elou s

h) Het\a, p en ny

her

Red

GRACE/
MAIIREEN,/
DUCKUNGS/
DRNKE:

tritr
IN

DRAKE:

n".",

b ckpping alora.

Ard hr rr b" tnuwn thar. nom

rhir dry fonh, rh"
Band shatJ be knoq n o the
C) gn"( fnnB,

Honk!

DRAKE/
MAIJ'REEN/
GRACF/
DUCKLINGS:

?a,ttry, st,ltkd

uay n

thefvt.

ALI:

I made it through Christm*sll!

LOOK AT HIM
ALL THE SPLENIDOLIR OF A NOBLE S'O(AN

DUCKLINGS: IOOKATHtM

the

HONKl

(DUCXIINGS' AND \iT'VE GOT

HI,I\4 AS A BROTHIR
AI-L:

IOOK ATHIM
FROM A DUCKIING TO A PARAGON

DUCKUNGS

IOOKATHIM
.i/E IfON'T
SI(/AP H[4

ALL;

f ^lov

MFN:

f lnov'sr vor

GRACE:

woN

VOMEN/
KIDSr

IIAVF

YOIJR EK{MPLE'S THTRE TO

TAKE
JUSI BELIEVT

IN YOT]RSELF
DON'T BE LTFT
ON THT SHELF
FETLING THAT ALL HOPE
AND YOU MAY FIND
IN YOUR OvN \TAY
YOU'RE A SIOAN

IS

THIY'RE GOAN{A LOVT YER

ALL
SOME\/HERE OUT THERE
\ I-CAN"J SAY WHI RT OR \{ Hr\ THOL CH
THE CHANCE IS SMALI,IT,S TRI]F --'.
BULLFROG/
MEN:

THE END

HTNK

DAy

SOON

I'IL

!(IIF\E\,TR YOL

NEED EOOS I]NC

yoL LI Sl noo:rNc
!0r rH a l\,l,{rrt
BE ROOSTING \{,'lTH A

MATI!

\/OMEN/
KIDS:

C[TRTATN CALLS

(rnsrurnerrat)
Music No, 21A "RnD ARRO,'/S"
BO!/S
(Optionat Instrurnenral)

JUSI

oNI

UGLY:

No.2l

SOMEWHIRE OUT THERE

VG DON'T KNOW \{lIERF,
SOMIONB \0ILL CARE
rifiARTS AND

DEAD AND GONE

Honk!

Music

OUT THIRE

SOMBONE NEEDS A CTJDDLE

THOUGFI THE CHANCE IS SMALL
II'S TRUE

T r EAVF

LPROMISE YOU VON'T

o.. r*"on*,

D\i A MLIDDY PUDDLE

ALL:

)iffi;;o

OUT TIIERE

rHa.r you.Rf BACK oN rHf r AKE

L YOU'RE BACK ON THT LAKE

No 21A

SOMEONT'S GONNA LOVE TTR

SOMEONE'S GO\NVA LOVT )TR
!(/ARTs AND ALI

FOR ANOTHER

GRACE:

ALL:

Music

BULLFROG/
UGLY/MENr

MUSC

SOON YOU'LL BE ROOSTIAIG

THOUGH IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME

TO FIND 'EM
\{TIEN YOU DO YOU'LI HAVE A BAIL

VOMEN/
KIDS:

VI

KNOr,)r YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A BALL,

BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL

HONlO

I
I

As

nwic

goa halftenpa ttn COMpAhy

bo@.

OUT THERE SOMETflHERE

SOMTONE'5 GONNA LO\,T YER
.{/AX.TS

AM) AI I

!/AX.TS AND ALL

T/ARTS AND AIL
lMusic No.21B PLAY-OUT
(bstrumental)l

ff{\fg'o'tt

E,esilrcd. tuil

pterce rep.Ee No.

)l .Bow