Contents

State unemployment program bankrupt. p. 5

January 29, 2010 VOLUME 5 Issue 10
Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

News.Politics.Commentary.
jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

colatheater.com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
Letters to the readers dear dolphins 3 Design
editorial Call Jimmy when you are drunk 3 Reseca Glasser
feature Where in the world is brunel athens 4
SC Statehouse book’s warning signs apply to government 8 Music
Music The Chariot and American Aquarium 9 Kingsley Waring
Food My Culinary breakthrough 14
Arts group show at gallery 80808 17 Pg. 4 Publisher
Paul Blake

Arts.Entertainment.Etc.
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

Account Executives
Brandy Doby, James Wallace

Bacardi soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 6 Contributors

Vocal booth hip-hop review and events 13 S.M. Baleem, Andy Brack, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail
Sudoku Fun with numbers 13 Lagardien, WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
savage love tIE ME UP, TIE ME DOWN 14 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
Rock and Roll crosswords 15
Ask a Mexican 16 Columbia City Paper
jonesin crosswords 18 2965 North Main Street
Pg. 13 Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (dial area code)

Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies
are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC
 Letters to the
Dear Zingo,
Your designated driver service is great! You’re
Reader Dear (other) members of the General Assembly,
Since we’re on a roll: what’s up with you folks continu-
like the square friend who rides a scooter that I’ve ally striking the LGBT community from the Teen Dating
always wished for. Then again, maybe you guys Violence Bill? No matter what a teen’s sexual preference,
are “square” like a fox. Consider: statistically doesn’t he or she have a basic right to safety? Last year,
speaking, riding a bright orange foldable scooter Rep. Joan Brady introduced a bill designed to prevent vio-
around town in the middle of the night could lence in teenager dating relationships. At the last minute,
invite all manner of peril. According to the DOT, Rep. Greg Delleney (R-Chester) offered an amendment to
motorcycle and scooter riders made up 15 percent exclude gay and lesbian students from the violence preven-
of total traffic fatalities in 2008. Yet, here you are, tion efforts.
braving the open road in the middle of the night, A Senate version of the bill, introduced by Sen. Phil
the wind in your hair, to essentially rescue your Leventis, included an inclusive statement: “’Dating part-
customer and see them safely home. Considering ner’ means a person, regardless of gender, involved in an
the number of drunk coeds and divorcees you’ll intimate relationship with another primarily characterized
drive home, even the ugliest Zingo driver is by the expectation of affectionate involvement whether
statistically guaranteed at least –wait, let me do casual, serious, or long term.” Yet, the amended version
the math— ...8.72 Penthouse Forum moments reads: “’Dating partner’ means a person involved in a het-
in a given year. Worth the risk? Seems pretty cut erosexual dating relationship with another.” That version
and dry to us! was sent to the Senate Education Committee earlier this
Columbia City Paper week.
So, it looks like teens and students will have legisla-
tion to make them safer... but only if they subscribe to a
Dear S.C. House Representatives: Republican lawmaker’s gender model. (If any readers out
Barfield, Vick, Pinson, J.R. Smith, Stringer, there are sickened by this, please bless out members of the
G.R. Smith, Bedingfield, Hamilton, Erickson, SC Senate Education Committee while there’s still time for
D.C. Moss, Nanney, Duncan, them to fix things.)
Alexander, Allison, Bingham, Bowen, G.A. Columbia City Paper
Brown, Gilliard, Hayes, Littlejohn, Loftis,
Long, Merrill, Mitchell, Owens, Parker, Scott,
D.C. Smith, Sottile, Spires, Toole, Viers, T.R.
Young, Simrill, White, G.M. Smith, Millwood
and Willis,
Maybe you haven’t been following the news,
but our state is facing some serious, serious
problems. So, if you could quit pushing to use
my tax money to erect a statue to aborted fetuses
on the State House grounds and get back to work,
I’d appreciate it. Yes, back at the beginning of
the 09-10 legislative session, we noticed that you
put H.3527 back on the agenda even though it
hasn’t gained traction in previous sessions. We
let it slide at the time, but are keeping an eye on Rep. Greg Delleney (R-Chester), represented at the right in this fake photo and
it (because everyone in the country knows the bad photoshop job, removed LGBT young people from a teen dating violence bill.
S.C. General Assembly is just schizo enough to
approve something that bizarre). But, in light of
other problems that are arising, now it’s just pissing us off.
Dear dolphins,
And, before you respond about tax dollars, yes, we
A group of scientists from the United Kingdom says
noticed that you’re now setting up a tax-exempt nonprofit
you guys are so intelligent you should be considered “non-
corporation to raise private monies to fund the “South
human persons” and given basic civil rights. Compared
Carolina Unborn Children’s Monument Commission” and
to other intelligent animals, you don’t throw feces or
statue. But, you’re still using my tax dollars. Who do you
chronically masturbate like chimps. Nor are you petulant
think is going to pay for its maintenance? Worse, though,
and sarcastic like parrots. And, most importantly, you’re
you people are wasting valuable time. Why don’t you
really not good eating. Giving you basic rights works for
spend your time in session actually working toward fixing
me. Heck, after reading the LTR above, you guys can
our broken state instead of erecting a macabre statue to
vote as far as I’m concerned! Maybe you could fix things
repay political favors to whatever backwoods wack jobs
around here.
apparently donate to your campaigns? It’s getting to be
ridiculous.
Columbia City Paper Columbia City Paper

January 28, 2010 3

 Wellington Causes
Brown Surge
By Baynard Woods
I had something really good planned
for this week. Everything was going great.
Joe Wilson is safely ensconced as a one-
hit-wonder (for everyone in Columbia,
he’s still an A+ asshole but in the national
consciousness his “You Lie!” is already part
of some “Remember the Aughts” television
nostalgia special). There was nothing juicy
about Lindsey Graham in Game Change
(although I can’t resist referring to the passage
where Cindy McCain interrupted something
John was saying and the senator turned to
her and said “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck”
flipping her the double bird, both hands, big
time—it’s hard to imagine mild-mannered
Lindsey as best-friends with a guy like this,
much less wanting him to be president).
Yep, everything was going well. And then
Wellington, who defeated Napoleon
Bonaparte, DeMint claimed responsibility
for the victory, reminding Americans that
he said that health care would be Obama’s
Waterloo and would “break him.” When
Brown won, DeMint told the press, “I do
believe that was a call to arms early in this
race. I was one of the first who was willing
to take the president on directly on an agenda
that I thought was out of control.”
Now that his Wellingtonian beefing
seems to have caused a Brown surge, DeMint
served up his old statement like leftovers
saying, “If the president and the Democrats
don’t get the message from Massachusetts,
it will be their Waterloo.” He was so pleased
with himself that he surely had crème de
menthe for dessert.
Still, you’ve got to hand it to DeMint.
He is a skilled politician. He knows how
the paper. You should bombard his email
and telephones with messages so that he
will have to put up his own electronic iron
shutters.
Since most people likely read City Paper
in bars, take another drink and call DeMint’s
office to demand that he sit down with me.
Then, when you’re done, call again. It’s
evening and weekend hours on your phone—
unless you drink in the day. And if you
have a smartphone join my Facebook group
“DeMint should talk to the Columbia City
Paper.” (Not to be confused with all of the
other Jim DeMint pages, including “DeMint
for President 2016” and “Jim DeMint is a
Douche”).
Senator DeMint contact info:
Columbia: 803-771-6112
Washington: 202-224-6121

“Since most people likely read City Paper in To leave an electronic message you can
go to http://demint.senate.gov/public/index.
bars, take another drink and call DeMint’s cfm?FuseAction=Contact.Home

office to demand that he sit down with me.
Then, when you’re done, call again.”
came the special election in Massachusetts.
Lindsey Graham, being the decent fellow
that he (sort of, sometimes) is, warned his
own party, “If you are a Republican in a red
state, don’t think this can’t happen to you.”
Unfortunately, what he means is that
Republicans like Bob Inglis of South
Carolina’s 4th District may lose this year to
a more conservative Tea Party Republican
challenger. That means that DeMint may try
to “Rubio” moderates. I am referring to the
Big D’s personal attempts to oust Republican
Governor Charlie Crist in Florida in favor
of his own “Tea Party” insurgent candidate,
Marc Rubio. Why, South Carolina voters
may wonder, should DeMint care who is the
governor of Florida?
But why not, really? DeMint seems to be
on a winning streak. Remember a couple of
weeks ago when he held up the nomination
of Errol Southers for the head of the TSA?
DeMint was alone in this obstruction…
and yet, just a couple days ago, Southers
withdrew his nomination. The Democrats
had sixty seats and haven’t been able to do
a damn thing. And DeMint, with his steely
eyes and weird grin, can overturn U.S. policy
(Honduras) or hold up nominees whenever
he pleases. Apparently a single stubborn
SOB can keep things from happening.
The next day, Mr. DeMint claimed
responsibility for Republican Scott Brown’s
victory in the Senate race in Massachusetts.
Casting himself yet again as General
4 January 28, 2010
You can join my own facebook page
“DeMint should talk to the Columbia
City Paper” at http://www.facebook.com/
group.php?gid=268479741251 or visit
to make theater. You can see this if you columbiacitypaper.com and look for the
search for DeMint on the social-networking banner.
site Facebook. There he has 24, 435 fans
as a “politician,” but only seven fans as
a “government official.” (As an
author he only has five.) This
has got to make you wonder. Is
DeMint’s grandstanding actually
good for the people of South
Carolina? Is he really a public
official, or is he a Tom Delay
politician who wants to be in the
spotlight so badly that he will
eventually end up on “Dancing
with the Stars”?
The Duke of Wellington may
have defeated Napoleon abroad,
but he was not so popular at home.
He was in fact known as the “Iron
Duke.” No, not because of his
steely resolve or his iron will.
But because he had to put up iron
shutters to protect his windows.
People hated Wellington so much
that they tried to throw rocks
and bricks and trash through his
windows every night.
Well, DeMint is up for election
this year and we’ve got more
than sticks and stones. I’ve been
trying to get an interview with
DeMint since I started writing
this column, but he continues
to rebuff my advances. Readers Does DeMint secretly read City Paper? Ask him.
of the Columbia City Paper should
demand that DeMint give an interview to
 An economic hurricane has finally made
landfall over South Carolina and state leg-
islators seemingly didn’t have the foresight
to pack an umbrella. It was widely reported
last week that the jobless rate in S.C. has
hit a record 12.6 percent, well above the 10
percent national average. At a time when
scores of out-of-work South Carolinians are
looking to the state for unemployment ben-
efits, many taxpayers may not realize that the
Employment Security Commission’s unem-
ployment insurance reserves ran dry over a
year ago and the state government is relying
on federal loans to keep the program afloat.
South Carolina, a state that made national
headlines for attempting to reject federal
stimulus dollars, has already borrowed over
$730 million from the federal government
since December 2008 to cover the unem-
ployment insurance shortfall in order to keep
paying out benefits.
Following a federal law passed during
the Great Depression, each state may set the middle of the worst recession since the mandatory drug screenings for persons
its own unemployment insurance policies Depression that gave birth to the programs. receiving unemployment; redefining the
and set parameters for funding those South Carolina was among the first eight words “unemployed” and “wages” to tweak
policies within broad federal guidelines. states to show a declining trust fund balance S.C. Employment Security Law and to
The programs were designed for states to starting around 2005. The fund had close increase the taxable wage base, respectively;
pad their reserves during times of economic to $800 million in reserves in 2000, but and to allow a state tax credit for employers
hiring an unemployed individual receiving
unemployment benefits.
“S C
outh arolina was among the first House representatives also plan to enact
the “Employment Security Funding and
eight states to show a declining trust Reform Act,” which is currently still in
fund balance starting around 2005.” committee (House Ways and Means).
While state legislators hammer out ways
to plug the leak, it could be years before South
stability, so that unemployment insurance massive tax cuts kept incoming revenue from Carolina taxpayers are out of the water.
could aid unemployed workers and continue sustaining it.
to stimulate the economy during downturns So far, the federal loans have kept the Special thanks to Olga Pierce and the Pro
–in short, to keep consumers spending and state unemployment insurance program from Publica journalism project for compiling a
businesses open long enough to weather the going belly up, but an unfortunate side effect portion of the data used for this story.
storm. is that the loans pass along costs to federal
Over the years,however, enough state taxpayers, many of whom live in states
legislators nationwide vowed to increase that properly funded their unemployment
benefits while programs. South Carolina taxpayers, in the
lowering taxes, long term, will cover tens of millions in
and effectively interest charges on the federal loans, which
chipped their likely will have to be paid out of the state’s
unemployment general budget.
systems into South Carolina has responded with short
the red. Cur- term planning, so far only restructuring
rently 17 out the parameters of benefits payouts to the
of 50 state un- unemployed. Recently the House almost
e m p l o y m e n t unanimously approved a temporary measure
insurance pro- that will make it harder for workers who
grams have were fired for legitimate reasons –such
gone bankrupt as insubordination, sleeping on the job,
and are forced intentionally damaging property, and other
to borrow reasons—from collecting benefits. The
money from measure moved to the Senate last week.
the federal A number of other measures on the
government in legislative agenda include a bill to require
January 28, 2010 5
 Members of the Los Angeles County Fire Department Search and Rescue Team rescue a Haitian woman from a collapsed building in downtown
Port-au-Prince. The woman had been trapped in the building for five days without food or water. Photo by Justin Stumberg.
Twenty years ago, at the age of 16, I
found myself roaming the tiny republic of
Haiti by myself.
I was the product of an ultraconservative
upbringing and had already made several
“evangelism trips” to one of the world’s
poorest nations. Haitians needed “saving”
by the bucket-load, I was convinced—
despite the fact that the Haitian people are
the most spiritually faithful people you
could ever visit, no matter the unthinkably
deplorable comments recently made by Pat
Robertson in the wake of Haiti’s catastrophic
earthquake.
I had secured enough funds (by selling
my baseball card collection) to get myself
to Haiti and back during the break between
my junior and senior years of high school.
If I experienced any miracles that summer,
it was probably convincing my parents
that I had enough contacts in Haiti to be
considered safe.
I hopped a plan to Miami and from there
to Port-au-Prince, where I met up with a
Haitian friend more than willing to serve
as my Sancho Panzo evangelism translator.
From there we took the nation by storm,
roaming countryside villages and conducting
evening evangelism tent meetings.
Two decades later, I look back on my
dozen-plus teenage-year trips to Haiti
6 January 28, 2010
with a desire to smile at my youthful
naiveté—except that the pain of the Haitian
people immediately wipes any such grin
from my face.
During that Summer of ’89, I spent
several days in City Soleil, regarded as one
the worst slums in the world. It stands in
what was formerly ocean bay water; the
ground itself is human refuse piled up over
time. The conditions of City Soleil are
unimaginable; describing them would turn
your stomach. I will spare you the details,
and you and your lunch should be grateful.
While in City Soleil, I bumped into some
representatives from one of Billy Graham’s
evangelism organizations. They were
handing out leather-bound Creole language
Bibles. I asked how much it cost to produce
each Bible; they replied around $50. I
realized that $50 was roughly the per capita
income of a City Soleil resident. I tried to
imagine my parents being unemployed and
receiving a Bible that cost roughly what the
average American family made per year.
Then realizing that the book itself couldn’t
be used to feed or clothe or educate their
children.
I asked the missionaries what good such
a Bible would do slum residents with an 80-
90% illiteracy rate. They seemed puzzled by
my question. Everyone can read the Bible.
Something clicked inside me that day.
It was the germination of mature, critical
thinking with respect to many things in life,
but especially about the needs of the world’s
poor. At that moment, I realized that I was
the one who needed to be saved. Saved
from thinking that I was some sort of super
apostle who, like so many outsiders to that
humble island, can build Christ’s kingdom
overnight with an angelic wing and a prayer
and a stentorian voice.
I now believe that the work of groups
such as the Mennonite Central Committee is
the exemplar of overseas Christian ministry.
Christ’s message is best spread by building
infrastructure and providing services rather
than by Bible-thumping.
But all of that is just preface to my
current question: Where in the world is
Brunel Athis?
That same summer, during my experience
in City Soleil, I stumbled upon a man named
Brunel Athis. The life of Brunel Athis is,
in my opinion, one of the most incredible
human stories of the 20th century. But
you’ve never heard of him—though he is
very much deserving of the fame of, say,
Holocaust survivor and Nobel laureate, Elie
Wiesel.
Below is a fictionalized version of my
encounter with Brunel Athis. The events are
described accurately. In my opinion, such a
prose version does the experience justice to
a reader.
----
Dante came upon a large, deserted
facility that was guarded by several stern-
faced military officers. He asked the guards
what the buildings were, but they would not
reply either to French or Creole. Finally, he
asked a nearby peasant.
The man replied, “Dimanche.”
Dante could hardly believe it. “Really?”
The man nodded.
Dante was standing before the infamous
Ft. Dimanche Prison, now defunct, but
during the Duvalier regime, the Auschwitz
of Haiti. He remarked to the peasant about
a popular legend, that one day so many
prisoners were killed the blood flowed to the
sea. Dante noticed that the shore was several
hundred yards away. The Haitian insisted
the story was true. He beckoned Dante to
follow him.
The peasant led Dante along a zigzag
path through mounds of garbage to the back
of the prison complex. The man shifted a
discarded car door and uncovered a small
hole in the chain link fence. He said his
name was Brunel Athis. He had been a
prisoner at Ft. Dimanche for seven years. He
wished to take the blanc on a tour.
 Dante was wary of the guards, but Brunel
insisted they would not be seen. He had done
this many times. If they were caught, they
would simply be asked to leave. Soldiers
were only posted to prevent people from
stealing cinder blocks. The land was still
government property. Dante considered this
and consented. He followed the man inside.
Brunel entered the main building and
showed Dante the cell where he and twenty
other men had been confined. The windowless
room was the size of a small moving van. It
felt like a sauna. Brunel said the prisoners
nicknamed it the Oven.
There were faded chalk lines along the
floor, reminiscent of body outlines at a
murder scene. Brunel explained that the chalk
marked where individual prisoners were
forced to sit without moving. Anyone who
violated his chalk boundary was beaten.
Of course, Brunel shrugged, prisoners
were beaten even if they stayed inside the
lines. Brunel sat between one of the markers.
He had spent seven years of his life in this
spot. He moved his legs in and out of the
lines. He laughed, “Go call the warden!”
Dante couldn’t understand how Brunel
could joke about his experience.
“In seven years, I had eight-hundred
ninety-three cellmates. I am a lucky man.”
Brunel showed Dante the ‘examination
room.’ The torture instruments were long
removed, but Dante’s guide graphically
described the methods used to make one
talk.
Dante winced through most of this. “And
did you talk?”
Brunel smiled. “Always. I quoted many
parol granmoun [Haitian proverbs] to
them.”
He took Dante outside to the place where
formal executions occurred. A nearby wall
was pocked with bullet holes and hack
marks. Brunel once watched guards behead a
prisoner, then play soccer with the head.
Dante needed to say something—
anything—after hearing that. “Where did
they bury the bodies?”
Brunel led Dante by the hand to a large,
covered well. He pointed down.
“They dumped them in a well?” Dante
asked. “What about disease?”
Brunel quoted a Haitian proverb: “’There
is a well at Dimanche, but it does not hold
water.’”
He explained that sometimes the dead
were also just thrown outside the prison
bounds. Relatives considered themselves
lucky to retrieve a loved one.
Dante asked Brunel why he had been
arrested. Brunel replied that to this day he
had no idea. He was not political. He was a
poor, uneducated sandal vendor. A nobody.
One day he was sitting at his booth, when
a Macoute jumped out of a car and clubbed
him over the head. When he awoke, he was
naked and tied to a chair.
Dante was beside himself. “Seven years!
How did you survive?”
“I promised myself I would not die until
I made the warden laugh. He never did. After
the coup, they broke my arms and released
me.”
Brunel removed his shirt and proudly
displayed the marks of his internment. Scars
snaked across his entire torso. His back
looked like it had been branded with model
railroad tracks. Brunel pointed to several
bullet wounds in his side. That was for trying
to escape.
Dante asked Brunel if he lived in Cité
Soleil. Brunel replied that, no, he owned
a leather repair shop in Les Cayes. But he
travelled to Ft. Dimanche every chance he
could.
“Why?” Dante inquired.
Brunel pointed at Dante. “So people
never forget.”
…
But they will, Brunel. They always do.
We forget wars and massacres. We forget
pogroms and holocausts. We simply forget
what we are capable of, until it is too late.
The problem of evil is memory. We are
doomed to not remember.
And then an earthquakes happens, and I
am left wondering: Where in the world is
Brunel Athis?
The author requests that you consider
making a donation of $10 or more to the
Red Cross for Haitian relief aid. Just
text “HAITI” to 90999 and your cellular
telephone bill will be charged $10. If you
have already donated to the Red Cross,
please consider an additional donation for
Haitian relief aid to one of the following
organizations: Doctors Without Border,
Oxfam, or MercyCorps.
January 28, 2010 7
 regional briefs
AIKEN
Child left on school bus sparks lawsuit
The mother of a 3-year-old special needs
student is suing Aiken County Schools after
her child was allegedly left strapped in a car leave the premises. When the officer made
seat on a school bus for over six hours last
August.
According the suit, the woman’s daugh-
ter was en route to her first day of school
on the bus and, because of her age, was
strapped into a car seat. She was supposed
to be transferred from the first bus to a sec- with some clothing and a wallet containing
ond bus that would take her on to school,
but, according to the suit, the driver of the had been reported stolen, was returned to its
first bus forgot about the child, parked the
bus in the lot and left her strapped into her
seat until she was discovered at around 1:30
p.m. that afternoon.
An attorney for the Aiken County
School Board said there are procedures in
place to prevent such occurrences, but said
the driver may have been distracted due to
the frenetic pace of the first day of school. F.B.I. closes 20 schools in response to teen
The girl wasn’t seriously injured.
ANDERSON
Ambulance driver charged with stealing
narcotics
A driver with an Anderson area rescue
squad has been charged with petty larceny in
connection with the theft of narcotics from
two Williamston rescue squad ambulances.
According to Williamston Police, Michael
Brewer, 27, snatched a 10 milligram vial of
process.
A Charleston police officer was
paring to hit the golf
course last November
reportedly on a routine patrol when he when his wife checked
walked into a Bi-Lo store and was greeted the mail and received
by a store manager who pointed out a a letter informing her
suspected shoplifter who was attempting to of his passing. Yet, it
wasn’t a new occurrence
chase, the suspect jumped into an SUV and in the Cruise house. Mr.
sped toward the officer, who had to leap out Cruise was reportedly
of the way to avoid being struck. also declared dead in
When the officer found the ditched SUV 2006. Cruise cleared up
a few minutes later, he discovered 20 bags the matter both times
of frozen shrimp on the floorboard, along and hasn’t let it put a
damper on things. He
the shoplifter’s photo ID. The SUV, which said he’s currently plan-
ning a summer vacation
owner. with his family.
Vonzell David Jackson, 24, was later “Being dead hasn’t
picked up and charged with shoplifting, changed my plans,”
possession of a stolen vehicle and assault he told the Times and
on him. According to police the woman
with intent to kill. Democrat. “It’s really not affected me that
was grossly intoxicated when they arrived.
bad.”
Officers took photos of the father’s minor
LUGOFF
lacerations and a couch where the chili
ROCK HILL
landed.
The incident began with an argument
threat online Woman charged after assaulting father
over the woman’s boyfriend, police said.
with bowl of chili
The woman was reportedly too drunk to
A 15-year-old Lugoff boy was arrested
after the moderator at an online gaming site A York woman was arrested after her give a written statement.
based in Europe called the FBI to report father told police she threw a bowl of chili talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
threats the teen made to kill everyone
at his school. Investigators weren’t sure
which particular school was threatened
so they locked down all 20 in Kershaw
County until they were able to find the
student.
The boy, who suffers from Tourette’s
syndrome, was arrested in class at

“Being dead hasn’t changed my plans”

morphine, a 2 milligram syringe of Ativan
and 10 milligrams of Valium.
According to a report by the Anderson
Independent-Mail, Brewer tested positive
for opiates during an internal investigation
into the theft by the rescue squad. The for-
mer EMT was arrested and pleaded guilty
to stealing the vials. Brewer admitted to
police that he planned to sell or trade the
narcotics for the pain reliever Lortab.
Lugoff-Elgin High School. The 10th
grader admitted to making the threats,
but said it was a joke, according to police.
While police didn’t find any weapons or
explosives in the boys home, authorities
said they found notebooks and computer
files referencing the Columbine and
Virginia Tech massacres.
ORANGEBURG

CHARLESTON Man mistakenly declared dead on at

least two occasions
Shoplifter nabbed after leaving his wal-
let, ID behind An Orangeburg man who has been
declared dead numerous times by his
According to Charleston police, an retirement benefits provider is report-
alleged shoplifter who tried to ditch the edly taking his predicament in stride.
stolen goods also ditched his wallet in the John Cruise, 87, told the Orangeburg
Times and Democrat that he was pre-

8 January 28, 2010

 Book’s warning signs may
apply to state government
By Andy Brack says. To get out of this warning stage is
tough, but takes leaders “who retain faith
Business guru Jim Collins, the bestsell- that they can find a way to prevail in pursuit
ing writer who picks apart successful com- of a cause larger than mere survival.”
panies for signs of strength, concludes that With this as a backdrop, consider what’s
all businesses are vulnerable to downfalls, been going on in South Carolina for the last
no matter how great they’ve been in the few years:
past.
“If companies such as Zenith and A&P, • A now-tainted governor has been
once the unquestioned champions in their battling with leaders of the legislature in his
fields, can plummet from great to irrelevant, own party to the point that he is virtually
then we should be wary about our own suc- ignored on policy issues.
cess,” he wrote last year in Business Week
in a summary of his latest book, “How the • The legislature, faced with more
Mighty Fall.” “There is no law of nature than $1.5 billion in budget cuts from just two
that the most powerful will inevitably years ago, forms a big tax study commission
remain at the to revamp
top. Anyone “The very moment when we need to how the state
can fall, and generates rev-
most eventu- take calm, deliberative action, we run enue. But just
ally do.” the risk of doing the exact opposite” as the study is
Pondering due, its report
these conclu- is put off until
sions, let’s see whether they can apply to after the election. While leaders say they
South Carolina’s state government. need more time to do a good job – a per-
Collins and his team of researchers fectly valid point because the problem is
developed a five-stage list of warning signs so big – it also looks like they’re putting
that a company was headed toward failure. off doing something for another year while
Interestingly, most companies don’t recog- doing nothing now. Fiddling while Rome
nize they have a big problem until they’re burns?
in Stage 4. And by the final stage, it often
is too late. • Lawmakers voted for a huge prop-
• Stage 1: Arrogance. Collins says erty tax relief measure for taxpayers because
when a company starts to regard its success they listened to squeaky wheels. The ill-
as an entitlement and loses sight of why it conceived measure has been roundly criti-
was successful in the first place, it is poised cized by the business community as being
for decline. short-sighted because it shifted the burden
to commercial businesses.
• Stage 2: Wanting more. Arrogance The lessons for state government that
often leads companies to the “undisciplined stem from Collins’s business analysis are
pursuit of more,” an acquisitiveness that can that it is time for state lawmakers to be lead-
lead to undisciplined growth and leaps into ers and to accept responsibility for what’s
areas that might not fit. happened. They need to take considered
action to avoid problems like the property
• Stage 3: Denial. When core tax swap, but they can’t sit on their fingers
businesses are being overlooked, warning all year.
signs may mount, but be ignored. “Those With unemployment at 12 percent, now
in power start to blame external factors for is the time for action, not stasis. Taxpayers
setbacks rather than accept responsibility.” deserve leadership from elected officials,
• Stage 4: Grasping at straws. not just more of the same wishy-washiness.
When things start to go bad, companies There’s no need for state government to
often grasp at straws for salvation, which atrophy. Our state’s elected leaders need to
can start a big downward spiral. “The stop partisan bickering and remember that
very moment when we need to take calm, they’re in office for the good of the state.
deliberative action, we run the risk of doing
the exact opposite and bringing about the talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
very outcomes we most fear.”

• Stage 5: Atrophy. If a company

stays in Stage 4 too long without turning it
around, it faces irrelevance or death, Collins
January 28, 2010 9
Voted best In Property Management!
Sat 01/30/10 Fri 02/05/10 Mon 02/15/10 New Brookland Tavern Thu 03/11/10
Cool Kid Collective Corey Crowder Lucero War Of Ages Weatherbox
Club 1800 White Mule New Brookland Tavern Lionheart New BrooklandTavern
w Glossary The Great Commission

Sun 01/31/10 Hot Lava Monster Tue 02/16/10 Mon 03/01/10 Sat 03/13/10
American Aquarium New Brookland Tavern Sugar Glyder Jenny Owen Youngs Maylene And The
New Brookland Tavern Elbow Room White Mule Sons Of Disaster
w Bess Rogers Five Points Fountain
Sat 02/06/10 Thu 02/18/10 The Movement
Miss Tess & The Bon Larry Keel And Natural Machine Funk Saosin
Ton Parade Bridge Elbow Room Thu 03/04/10
The White Mule White Mule Tim Barry Wed 03/17/10
Fri 02/19/10 New Brookland Tavern Wayne “The Train”
“Winter Jam” Hancock
Mon 02/01/10 Shannon Whitworth Colonial Life Arena Sun 03/07/10 White Mule
The Chariot UU Coffeehouse Fireflight Jonny Craig
New Brookland Tavern Newsboys New Brookland Tavern Fri 03/19/10
w Greeley Estates Mon 02/08/10 NewSong Eye Alaska David Bazan
Inhale Exhale Guy Davis Sidewalk Prophets Romance On A New BrooklandTavern
Memphis May Fire Univ. of South Carolina Tenth Avenue North Rocketship Headlights
The Color Morale Third Day Tides Of Man
Tue 02/09/10 Tony Nolan
The Supervillains Mon 03/08/10 Edwin McCain
Wed 02/03/10 New Brookland Tavern Tue 02/23/10 The Red Chord Clarion Town House
Once - Trib. To PearlJam Jimmy Buffett New Brookland Tavern Patrick Davis
Elbow Room Sat 02/13/10 Colonial Life Arena Chelsea Grin
Danny Schmidt Mychildren Mybride
Unitarian Church Those Who Lie Beneath Sat 03/20/10
Thu 02/04/10 Fri 02/26/10 Benjy Davis Project
Holy Ghost Tent Revival Sun 02/14/10 (NBT)Hot Action Cop Wed 03/10/10 New BrooklandTavern
White Mule Ellis Paul TBA Peter Mulvey Sequoyah Prep School
White Mule Living Sacrifice White Mule

City Paper Pick: The Chariot at NBT

THE CHARIOT represents
one of the brightest stars in the
current SolidState universe. Borne
from the departure of vocalist Josh
Scogin from the lineup of Norma
Jean in 2002, this Douglasville,
GA five-piece has spent the past
seven years building a strong
reputation for themselves among
hardcore newcomers and vet-
erans alike. Their sound bal-
ances the raw power and almost
playful interludes of late 90s
Pacific Northwest hardcore
with just enough southern rock
twang to make it their own.
It is certainly no surprise that
their no-holds-barred recorded
material has helped amass them
a dedicated following. However,
while other such bands often fail to
deliver in person, this is the sphere
in which The Chariot truly shines.
They bring all of the grit from the
albums to the stage in addition to a
level of intensity that is more than
a little bit difficult to ignore. Their
total lack of self-consciousness
and seemingly ambiguous feelings
towards personal injury onstage
is infectious, turning the heads of
jaded viewers like myself and even
managing to occasionally convert
stringent detractors (I’ve seen
it with my own eyes) into fans.
They are currently on tour
with label mates Inhale/Exhale as
well as Greeley Estates, Memphis
May Fire, and The Color Morale.
Make sure to catch their rarely
rivaled sense of live bravado at
the New Brookland Tavern on
FEBRUARY 1.
-Mel Davidson
 Thursday 28 Friday 29 Saturday 30 Sunday 31 Mon. Feb 1 Tuesday 2 Wednesday 3
$8 7pm $5/$7 8pm $10 9pm $5 7:30pm $10/12 6pm $10 6pm $5/8 6pm
JAN/FEB

BetWeen ShalloW ISABeLLe’S aMerican the Donnybrook do Your WorSt

the treeS GIFt aquariuM ChArIOt rhinoceros
rookie Of theYear palace the restoration Greeley estates Knock em Dead
horrendous
Alcoholicaust
Mother Jackson Whiskey
Patchwork Medic
Mac Leaphart Inhale/exhale eV A Foreign Citizen
Action Item the Brisbones Mountain Miles Apart
Dylan Lee Machine Memphis May Fire homicyde
O’Verona Midnight the Color Morale In regret tBA
MurderaMa
Thursday 4 Friday 5 Saturday 6 Sunday 7 Monday 8 Tuesday 9 Wednesday 10
FEBRUARY FEBRUARY

$5/8 8 pm $5 8pm $5/7 8pm $5 8pm $5/8 6pm $8/10 8pm Free 8pm

WICKeDtIM JAM rOOM Diamond Inc. Last Breath OfAugust

hot Lava Monster ShOWCASe: Featuring C-mac the JerSeY ShOre
Cassangles Lele and Piazo Kill MeABear PArtY:
Boy Meets Magnetic Flowers Mercy Shot On My honor SupervillainS More info tBA
Postcard Fiction tunguska With reckless Casual Kings
hermaphrodite Midnight
Sacred Conflict Abandon
roomdance Astrid haven MurderaMa hey Dude
enemy Within
Thursday 11 Friday 12 Saturday 13 Sunday 14 Monday 15 Saturday 20 Friday 26
$5/7 7:30pm $8/10 8:30pm $5/8 5pm $5/8 7pm $15 8pm $5 8 pm $12/15 5:30pm
ninjaloot
Dangermuffin JoSh robertS & Dividethe Sea the eminence Front
By the Sins Fell LIVInG
thee Mad Frogs the hingeS StandYou Ground Paul Brazell lucero Angels
Mainline
SACrIFICe
Alien Carnival theWhiskey Gentry City UnderFlames MattAutrey trio Glossary the Deflicted War Of Ages
Plastic Fantastic have GunWill travel $5/8 9pm tBA Population Control Lionheart
Jam tronica
Lover Zuhati Commission Midnight In regret the Great
Bodega roja MurderaMa Up InArms Commission

aMerican the Whiskey

Gentry
aquariuM have Gun Will
travel

Josh Roberts
Hot Lava & The Hinges
iSabelle’S Monster
gift
Whiskey
The Restoration
Magnetic Flowers lucero
Mountain W/
Postcard Fiction
Machine Mac Leaphart Glossary
Sat. Jan 30 Sun. Jan 31 Mon. Feb 1 Fri. Feb 5 Fri. Feb 12 Mon. Feb 15
$10 9pm $5 7:30pmm $10 9pm $5 8pm $8 8:30pm $15 8pm

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169

12 August 6, 2009 www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413

by DJ Kingpin-Villain Of Vinyl
Greetings!!! 2010 is underway
and the time keeps rolling. 2010 has seen
many good days, but a couple of bad ones
for my brothers and sisters in Haiti who
fell victim to one of the worst earthquakes
(and intense aftershocks) ever recorded in
the Western Hemisphere. I really hope
those out there with a heart
are doing more than just
watching the news. Please
find a reputable charity and
donate your time, money,
or more to help. Being
that this is the 1st quarter
of music releases, labels
are working gearing up for
February & March dates, I
figured I’d give you a list
of some of the best artists
ever to hold a microphone, but for some
reason they are no where to be found. Let’s
get it!!!!
Where Are They Now????
(In No Particular Order)
1) D’Angelo
2) Deborah Cox
3) Jade
4) Zhane (Pronounced Jah Nay)
5) DMX
6) Paris
7) Phife Dawg (A Tribe Called
Quest)
8) Olu
9) Nine (Whutcha Want!!!)
10) Cypress Hill
11) Kam
12) Foxy Brown
13) Nikki D
14) Naughty By Nature
15) Rob Base
16) Dana Dane
17) Slick Rick
18) Kool Moe Dee
19) Da Youngstas (Remember Crewz
Pop!!!)
20) Chill Rob G
21) D-Nice
22) Jurassic 5
23) Killah Priest
24) The Born
Jamericans
25) Mad Lion
26) Stetsasonic
27) House Of Pain
28) D i g i t a l
Underground
29) Bahamadia
30) Jeru Da Damaja
*********************
******
HONORABLE MENTION- Craig
Mack…from ‘Flava In Ear Fame’…
one of the greatest songs ever record-
ed.
WORDS OF WISDOM
Rest in peace to Teddy
Pendergrass…one of the greatest singers
and performers of all time. From ‘Wake
Up Everybody’ and ‘Joy’ to ‘Love TKO’ and
‘Close The Door’, Teddy P had one of the
smoothest and most distinctive voices ever.
May he, his spirit, his family, and his legacy
forever remain blessed. Stay Up!!!!
DJ Kingpin-Villain Of Vinyl
kingpinvillianofvinyl@gmail.com
Drink to The next big thing
from home. Often a
local musician or two
will find themselves
called onstage by a
group of guys who all
know their names and
can relate tales of their
exploits to the crowd,
and they’re sure to
stick around for a shot
or ten at the bar in an
attempt to create new
such yarns to relate at
future performances.
Appearing in
main support for
AMERICAN AQUARIUM is a group AA (a humorous
that is seemingly always on the cusp of abbreviation under the circumstances)
something bigger. Hailing from Raleigh, will be South Carolina’s own up and
NC, they present a sound that is as much a comers, The Restoration. Many might
part of the southern landscape as sprawling also consider this group to have a country
farms full of peach trees and those long, essence though their music is much more
humid summer days. Alt-country doesn’t firmly rooted in folk and indie, and their
often sound as big or catchy as it does use of stringed instruments, arrangements,
when American Aquarium presents their and melody brings to mind a more toned-
catalog of instantly memorable tunes that down, rootsy version of The Arcade Fire.
feel like old favorites. It’s all coming to New Brookland Tavern
Not only that, but these boys are almost on JANUARY 31.
like our own little locals as they seem to
think of Columbia as a little home away -Max E. Pad
January 28, 2010 13
 My culinary breakthrough
playoff game and a couple of beers during
the evening and a chic place to take a date
by night. Especially, if she’s tired of the
Vista.
When the margarita arrived, my
therapist watched me take a sip and then
studied me for a long moment.
“You’ve been watching the Discovery
Channel again, haven’t you?”
I nodded that I had. “They named an
asteroid after Mr. Rogers. Did you know
that? That’ll be the one to demolish half the
Earth. For the rest of history –for those few
who survive—the name Mr. Rogers will be
synonymous with death and destruction.
By Joe Fotallate He’ll be more reviled than Hitler.”
She held up her hand to stop me. “It’s
The parking lot at Cantina 76 was not beneficial to enable you to sit here
filling up quickly, so I decided to park slurping margaritas and rambling about the
on the street. I was off my game that universe. You’re not— ”
afternoon and after I’d made 15 or 20 little She stopped midsentence when the food
jerking movements to parallel park, I’d arrived. A carnal look came into her eyes
noticed that people had started to point and
and she dug into her quesadilla without
watch from the restaurant’s outer deck. Myeven waiting to unroll her silver. I inhaled
therapist, who I was meeting for a specialmy tacos and immediately ordered two
lunch appointment, hadn’t yet arrived so more. Cantina definitely has lighter fare
I ordered the first appetizer that came to–like chicken tortilla soup and a roasted
mind: a “76” margarita with the chip and chicken salad with pico and a cilantro lime
dip sampler. I figured it was a good way vinaigrette—but I was in a mood to pig out.
to make up for skipping breakfast since And if there was anywhere in town to do it,
the 76 has a splash of orange juice and Cantina was it.
grenadine served with an orange wedge I’ve known the head chef and menu
garnish and the sampler featured a mixturemastermind, Dave Grillo, for years. The
of rich cheese dip, fresh tomato salsa andguy is a food guru. Talks about blending
a hearty guacamole with a large portion offlavors like an artist blending paints. Of all
homemade chips. the places he’s prepared food –including
A short while later, my therapist slid
stints cooking for the golf pros at the
into the booth and glanced at the empty Masters—and of all the competitions he’s
margarita glass. I smiled weakly. won, Cantina 76, in my opinion, will be
“You’re drunk,” she said. his crown jewel. Because not anyone could
“That’s beside the point.” pull that off. Something casual and simple,
“So, what is the point?” yet deceptively complex at once.
“That’s what I’m paying you to tell I finished my fourth taco and stood
me.” I tapped my empty glass. “You should suddenly. “This was the inspiration I
try one of these. They’re phenomenal.” needed, Doc. I’m going to leave my car
Our server was back to our table in here, walk back to the office and write a
a flash and took our order. I went with review of this place.”
my personal Cantina staple: a mixture of “That’s typical behavior for you,” she
the $2.49 tacos. My favorite fillings are said flatly. “You realize that don’t you?”
the brisket with agave chipotle BBQ and “What? To write?”
fresh pico de gallo; and the fried tilapia “To change the subject or leave outright
with pickled jalapenos and roasted poblanojust when you were starting to open up.”
tartar. “Nope. I’m inspired,” I said, licking my
My therapist had the grilled quesadilla
fingers. “I needed this. To completely give
special, which was stuffed with a in to my urges and pig out at Cantina 76.”
Southwestern style roasted chicken, “I have to bill you for the hour,” she
garnished with a sweet BBQ sauce and a said.
side of jalapeno cole slaw. I rounded off “No problem,” I shrugged. “This place
our order with another margarita: “The is such a deal, I can afford it.”
Cantina,” a delicious little mixture of Jose
Cuervo Platino, fresh lime juice, agave Visit Cantina 76 at 2901-A Devine
nectar and a slice of lime. Street or call 803-708-6004 for more
I thoroughly enjoy the ambience of information.
Cantina 76, which is probably why I felt
at home enough for two margaritas at talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
lunch. The dining area has a classy kind
of casualness that’s hard to pull off and
even harder to describe. But, they have
somehow captured the total package; the
perfect place for a lunch meeting by day, a

14 January 28, 2010

JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
““That Bowls”--football overload!”
Accros
1 Begins to like, with “to”
6 It goes with you after a sneeze?
11 Harley Davidson’s stock ticker
symbol, appropriately
14 Sound covering an expletive
15 Get ready for a bodybuilders’
competition
16 Bruins great Bobby
17 Party in San Antonio?
19 ___-tzu (Chinese philosopher)
20 Palindromic precious metal in
Panama
21 Roll-on places
23 Let the moon show?
28 “The Dude ___” (“The Big Leb-
owski” line)
29 Eerie glows
30 House of Commons figs.
32 ___-Locka, Florida
33 Pitt who played Benjamin Button
34 Michael Jackson video set in a pool
hall
36 European designer’s monogram
39 Put an embargo on
40 Gives refuge to
41 ___ Speedwagon
42 Math class with equations: abbr.
43 Play opener
44 Flour mixture used to thicken soup
45 Ltr. holder
47 5th or Mad., e.g.
48 “Siddhartha” author
49 Sarah Palin et al.?
52 Nervy quality
54 State at the “Heart of Dixie”
56 “Burn Notice” channel
57 Tater ___ (lunchroom nugget)
58 Carnival food, as you might as well
call it?
64 “___ Trippin’ “ (2008 Snoop Dogg
album)
65 Gives it a “go”?
66 Go straight to the courthouse to wed,
perhaps
67 Damascus’s country: abbr.
68 George of “Cheers”
69 Throat bacteria, for short
Down
1 Ring org. with a “Minimumweight”
category (less than 105 pounds)
2 The whole shootin’ match
3 Actor Stephen of “V for Vendetta”
4 It’s for scribbling
5 Newscast segment
6 “Sk8er ___” (Avril Lavigne hit)
7 Detector detection, ostensibly
8 Lanchester of “Bride of Frankenstein”
9 Kama ___
10 Automated programs that send junk
e-mail
11 Flower given on Mother’s Day,
perhaps?
12 Speak to one’s countrymen
13 “Disgusting!”
18 In support of
22 “Great Expectations” boy
23 “Yabba ___ doo!”
24 Far from the city
25 Chomper with a peachy hue?
26 Code of silence in Puzo novels
27 Location in “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little
Star”
31 High on the ganja
34 Anti-___ hand soap
35 Indignation
37 His 1960 best-seller had only 50
different words
38 They’re usually cut thin at the deli
40 Sweat big-time over something
44 French automaker currently allied
with Nissan
46 Stunted end
48 Bad sounds from the house
49 Motel postings
50 The end of studying?
51 “Up in ___” (Cheech & Chong
movie)
53 Derringer, e.g.
55 ___ impasse
59 The ___-Bol man (classic TV ad
character)
60 East, in Germany
61 “Tarnsman of ___” (sci-fi book that
launched an ongoing series)
62 Tarzan raiser
63 Sales agt.
©2010 Jonesin’Crosswords (editor@
jonesincrosswords.com)
For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-
226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be
18+. Or to bill to
your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548.
Reference puzzle #0451.
¡Ask a Mexican!
The World Is an ESL Class
Dear Readers: Siempre,
the wisest words that Well, DUH. But
appear in this column Enamorada Gabacha was
come from ustedes, y the already seriously involved
following two cartas prove with her hombre—this
this maxim. The first one wasn’t a one-night stand
addresses my year-end or a midnight run to the
column, in which a working- border. I’d assume and hope
class gabacho insisted anyone who gets intimately
his people apapachan involved with a person
a Mexicans mucho: will first have a discussion
about each other’s sex life
Dear Mexican: Half- before doing the deed, up
Mexican here. I was to and including sharing
fortunate enough to catch STD-test results—but if
your column while I was By GUSTAVO ARELLANO I put in a public-service
visiting for the holidays. I have a comment announcement like that, I’d be treading on
in regards to [the gabacho whose letter the terrain of Savage Love. And I don’t want
was signed] Sick of All of You. He said, that mariposa messing with my pesos. . . .
“No other country baby-sits Americans
the way Americans baby-sit Mexicans.” And now, a question:
I would have to disagree. I’ve been
living in Spain for the past seven months Dear Mexican: I was under the
as an English teacher, and he is greatly impression that Mexico actually had a
mistaken. All of Europe—and practically LARGER middle class than most Latin
the entire world—caters to Americans. American nations, consisting of doctors
The international business language is and lawyers, among all sorts of other
English. Almost all signs are posted in professions. Mexico may have a far greater
the native language of the country and problem with poverty than the U.S., but
English. I’m ashamed that our country compared to its southern neighbors,
sees it as a burden to learn or tolerate it’s relatively bourgeois. Do you know
another language. A majority of the world if there is any truth to my supposition?
speaks English as their second language in Tío Moneybags
order to cater to the American tourists and
business industry. I just wanted to share
this from my foreign-living experience. Dear Gabacho: You’re correcto—in
The world caters to us, the U.S.; I think a way. The World Bank’s 2008 country
we can spare a few bus-stop translations. rankings on gross national income
per capita list Mexico as tops in Latin
Life In the Afternoon America, but an IMD International survey
puts Mexico as the país with the largest
The following letter is a bit more percentage of its population (22.1 percent)
critical, concerning a “Best of” I ran below the median income line. Taken
for the Jan. 7 edición of my column, together, these studies suggest rampant
in which a white woman wants social stratification. (Número 3 on that
to calm down her wab paramour: list? Los Estados Unidos, with 17 percent
of nosotros making less than the middle-
Dear Mexican: I couldn’t believe the class—so much for our superiority!) A
advice you gave Enamorada Gabacha: 2006 BusinessWeek article estimated 40
“Nothing says I love you, nothing says, percent of Mexicans were in the middle
‘Welcome to America’ like an old-school class, and that really isn’t surprising. “All
blowjob.” Maybe so, but “an old-school sorts of other professions?” Raza, repeat
blowjob” is also an excellent way of after me: MEXICO IS A NORMAL
spreading STDs. To be sure, transmitting COUNTRY. Too many narco-killings,
HIV through oral sex is rather rare—but for sure, and too little social mobility, but
it has been known to happen. However, it’s firmly in the bottom rungs of the First
syphilis and gonorrhea are different stories. World—and definitely no Guatemala.
Gonorrhea, I might add, is particularly
worrisome because certain strains of Ask the Mexican at themexican@
this bacteria are becoming increasingly askamexican.net or myspace.com/ocwab.
immune to all known antibiotics. It’s Or write to him at: Gustavo Arellano, P.O.
extremely irresponsible to advise an “old- Box 1433, Anaheim, CA 92815-1433. Find
school blowjob” without also advising him on Facebook and Twitter!
old-school protection, such as condoms.
Trojan Travieso talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
January 28, 2010 15
Arts

From left to right: David Yaghjian, Mike Williams, Stephen Chesley and Edward Wimberly
By Judit Trunkos “Using crayons and chalk is like using
kids’ tools. Allows me to discover new
Walking into Gallery 80808 the day materials and have fun with them,” he
before the opening reception, I found says.
four busy artists, who were putting the Mike Williams, best known for his
final touches on a new group exhibition abstract depictions of fish, features his new
at Gallery 80808. David Yaghjian, Mike works inspired by nature and wetlands. His
Williams, Edward Wimberly and Stephen mostly abstract paintings developed new
Chesley had exhibited together before. lines this year, but he just had to add the fish
Long-term friendship and art brings these figures to this background to finalize his
artists together every year to showcase their
work. To further toy with the reciprocity
new works. of his works, Williams painted ”Across the
Stephen Chesley’s new pieces shed lightFish” in a way that his “Fish” sculpture fits
on his deep interest in other modern artists,
into the painting perfectly.
especially abstract expressionists. In order “I am always trying to progress the
to perfect the depth and the dynamics work, trying new things,” he says. “There
of his brush strokes on canvas, Chesley are no formulas. I just paint as I go.”
fills sketchbooks with practice stroke The character, Raggedy Ann, appears
studies to explore the usage and effect of in most of Edward Wimberly’s exhibited
negative space and dynamics. At this group works. Even more surprisingly, the fictional
exhibition, he actually framed some of the character created by Johnny Gruelle has
best brush stroke compositions individually.no connections to childhood or the story
Chesley’s group of oil on paper, collectively
itself. Wimberly paints what he feels fits
titled “Kline/Zen,” introduces some of theseinto the composition without having an
unique brush strokes. ideological or compositional plan in mind.
“Isolating the brush stroke, taking a Often Wimberly starts with one character or
piece out of the whole, shows that the piecegroup of characters, which might not even
is really equal to the whole,” Chesley says,be at the center of the canvas, and develops
giving a nod to the method Franz Kline the rest of the composition afterwards. In
used in the 60s. “Just as Pollock’s work the painting titled “Evening on the Farm”
might appear chaotic at first, it is very well
Wimberly portrays a farm house in the
controlled by the artist. background at night with a number of
Art-lovers in Columbia all know David dancing and moving creatures in front of it.
Yaghjian’s “middle aged man” figure, who Raggedy Ann dances with a ballet dancer
has been appearing in his work in the most in a pink tutu while a group of cheerful
unexpected and psychically unbalanced monkeys interact with the dancers.
positions and situations. This year Yaghjian “I paint things that do not make any
unveils new developments for his figure sense,” Wimberly explains. “Afterwards,
and begins to use trees as the main focus I look at the composition and try to
of these paintings. According to Yaghjian, understand it. But I do not know what I will
trees are still symbols for life and for theend up painting in the beginning. I think it
connection between heaven and earth, but is boring to know what I will paint, before
they seem to appear more frequently as the I paint it.”
main themes of his works. Yaghjian has also
created wooden sculptures for the exhibit. This group exhibition is always a blast
The wood and crayon pieces reflect the and will be featured at Studio 80808 until
artist’s unlimited search for new ideas and February 2.
the experimentation with new materials. arts@columbiacitypaper.com
16 January 28, 2010
January 28, 2010 17
SavageLove
I’m a single (mostly) gay guy who is
curious about women. A hot bisexual mate
is interested in a friends-with-benefits
arrangement. However, his girlfriend
doesn’t know he’s bisexual, and I’d feel
uncomfortable having sex with him behind
her back. My mate would like his girlfriend
to know about him because he’d really like
to have threesomes with her (something I’m
up for), but he’s worried about how she’ll
react. Personally, I’d be more concerned
about how she might react if she found
out about his sexuality some other way.
That’s one reason why I always err on
the side of honesty. However, I’m not
exactly unbiased: I’d prefer threesomes
to dicks-only sessions. What should I do?
Horny Homo
How about a little honesty mixed with
a little dishonesty?
Your mate should offer his girlfriend
the boy-girl-boy threesome that all of
today’s modern young women fantasize
about. (Blame Twilight—why can’t Bella
have it all?) If your mate is worried that
she’ll react negatively to the suggestion, he
can open by telling her that what he’s about
to propose was all your idea. She’ll want
to know if his gay-but-bi-curious mate—
that’s you—is going to want to get into
his presumed-to-be-straight pants. Your
mate should shrug and say, “Maybe...”
and depending on the look on her face
when the possibility of Edward-on-Jacob
action is raised—disgusted or intrigued?—
end with either “...but I don’t think I’m
interested in going there” (leaving open the
possibility of “getting carried away” and
“going there” during the threesome) or “...
and I might go there if that would turn you
on” (making any boy-on-boy action at the
threesome something he did for her).
If the threesome is a success and you
two wind up playing with and in front
of her, HH, your mate can come to the
sudden and shocking realization that he’s
bisexual.
This will hopefully lead to future
threesomes and, perhaps, at some point, her
blessing for some boys-only time. If she
objects, HH, your mate can blame her for
“making” him bisexual—or making him
realize it—because he fell on your sword that
first time because it was what she wanted.
I’m a woman whose “super-hetero”
boyfriend is quite shy and needs to build
trust before he can open up to someone.
Since I have gained his trust, he has
revealed that he fantasizes about m-m-f
threesomes. I’ve asked him if he is turned
on by the idea of another man’s penis, and
18 January 28, 2010
Sex Advice
by Dan Savage
he says no, he just wants to see me have sex
with another man. Yet when he describes
his dirtiest fantasies to me at the peak of
arousal, he says he gets off on the idea of
double penetration—one penis in my anus,
another in my vagina—and wants to feel
the other man’s penis bump up against his
own, separated by my innards.
Do you think he is bisexual or bi-
curious? We intend to enact this fantasy,
and I wonder if it could shift the dynamic
of our relationship.
Threesome Curious
It can be hard to predict whether a man
will have an epiphany during an m-m-f
threesome and come to the sudden and
shocking realization that he’s bisexual.
(Um... does your boyfriend refer to his
male friends as “mate,” by any chance?
Is he a fan of the Twilight series?) He’s
obviously more aroused by male-male
contact than he’s capable of admitting
when he isn’t about to blow a load, TC.
This fantasy of his isn’t about, or isn’t
just about, wanting to gangbang a girl
with a buddy. Your boyfriend wants to
bump penises with another dude—but with
your, um, lady “innards” providing the “no
homo” absolution.
But I don’t think you need to extract a
full confession of bi-curiousness or even
heteroflexibility before you realize this
fantasy. He may not be in denial about
what his desires add up to, TC. He just may
want to check his fantasies about male-
male contact against the reality of male-
male contact before he tells you what he
suspects: He’s the tiniest bit bisexual.
I have an uncle who calls me “faggot”
whenever he and I are alone. He’s a
conservative, straight Mormon. I’m a boy
who’s had sexual encounters with guys
and girls, and I’m trying to figure out
my own sexuality while dealing with all
of the other stuff that comes with going
off to college, and frankly I don’t need
his crap. Do I tell my parents? He’s half
right, but what business is it of his?
Uncertain Nephew Craving Levelheaded
Explanation
Your uncle is hitting on you, UNCLE,
in his fashion—that is, the fashion of
the tormented, self-hating, conservative/
religious closet case. If you don’t wanna mail@savagelove.net
find yourself standing there with his tongue
stuffed in your mouth someday, I would
advise you not to spend another moment
alone with your asshole uncle. And, yes,
tell your parents what he’s been doing.
Because, UNCLE, if he ever makes a pass
at you and a scene ensues—you scream,
you yell, you bite his tongue off and spit
it out the window—your uncle is going to
insist that you made the pass at him.
I’m a 31-year-old gay man. My
boyfriend and I have been together for five
years. We have enjoyed a few threesomes
with other men, so I assumed I could share
a particular fantasy of mine: I’ve never
had sex with a woman and I want to.
I am not questioning my sexuality, I’m
not “bi,” I have zero desire to date women.
But my boyfriend immediately accused
me of having issues with my sexuality,
and after a two-week fight I dropped it.
Fast-forward to just before Christmas:
I received a promotion, moved to a new
floor, and have my own office now—and
one of my new female coworkers has been
coming on to me. First problem: She’s
married, so that would be crossing a line.
Second, we’re coworkers and she has even
more to lose than I do.
Is there some other way—I
already tried the direct approach—to
bring this fantasy up to my boyfriend
again, or should I just let it go?
Flirting With Danger
I’m shocked that your boyfriend—a
man who’s willing to share his boyfriend’s
ass with other men—would react so
violently to your curiosity about lady
innards. But seeing as the direct approach
prompted a two-week-long fight, FWD, I
can’t imagine you would have much more
success with the indirect approach. (I can’t
imagine what the indirect approach would
be.)
Since you’re not strictly monogamous
and the boyfriend’s not strictly rational
about this, FWD, a case could be made
for satisfying your lady-innards curiosity
on the sly and filing the affair under “what
he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” But I
can’t think of a worse set of lady innards
to satisfy your curiosity with than this
woman’s. You could wind up losing your
job and your boyfriend if the affair got
ugly and got out.
Wait, FWD, wait. In time, some
other gay-outards-curious lady will
come along, and perhaps by then your
boyfriend will have come around.
January 28, 2010 19