Sie sind auf Seite 1von 68

1

About The Author


Tess Marshall M.A. is founder of The Bold Life, a published
author, courage coach speaker and personal developmentindustry entrepreneur. She is spiritually inclined, a risktaker and obsessed with creation.
Her personal and professional mission is to better the world
by offering private, one-on-one courage coaching as well
as interactive and home-study courses and products that will
help others face their fears, unearth their bold, pursue their
dreams and create meaningful and love-filled lives.
Tess has a masters degree in counseling psychology but
proclaims her real knowledge and wisdom is from
experiencing life with her heart wide open. Her biggest
teachers have been her husband of 41 years, her four
daughters and their families. Her biggest lesson is to love
unconditionally.
Tess is currently involved in a mad love affair with her
family, writing, hiking, running and travel.
Check out her Ecourse 30 Days of Bold and The Bold and
Courageous Ultimate Mastermind Inner Circle.

Contents
Introduction ...5
Understanding and Overcoming the Nature of
Fear ...6
Gratitude As An Antidote To Fear...13
The Story Of My Fearless Daughter...15
Boldness Has Magic, Power And
Genius In It...18
Grow Your Courage Muscles...27
When Nothing Else Works Calm Down...30
Financial Abundance Is A State of Mind...37
Embrace Fear And Choose Change...42
Action Dissolves Fear...49

On Perseverance and Success...52


Move Beyond Envy: Thrive...55
Living A Big And Bold Life...60
The March Of A Dreamer: Youll Never Be Free
From Fear...64
Life Is A Process...66

Introduction
Are you satisfied with your life today? Would you be OK if
you are in the same place one year from now? There is only
one thing that keeps you from moving forward. There is only
one thing that will cause you to settle for less. Fear.
What do you fear?
Fear ofspeaking your truth, changing jobs, changing
locations, flying, commitment, beginning a relationship,
ending a relationship, intimacy, social situations? It doesnt
matter what you fear. This book will give you tools and
techniques and insight and wisdom to improve your ability to
handle what life puts in front of you.
This is your opportunity to move from a place of doubt,
worry, and fear to one of authentic power, self-confidence,
and excitement.
Its not enough to read this book. You must take action. The
amount of growth you experience depends on how much you
are willing to actively participate in doing the exercises and
reinforcing the concepts. This is your opportunity to make
the changes you need in order to fear less and increase your
happiness! Dont let this opportunity slip by.

Understanding And Overcoming


The Nature Of Fear
Were all afraid. We're wired that way. Its part of being
human.
When you understand that and I mean, really understand
that everything changes.
It appears that we are afraid for different reasons. We doubt
ourselves. We doubt others. We don't trust ourselves. We
don't trust others. We don't love ourselves. We don't love
others.
We are all afraid for the same reasons.
We all have three fears or three irrational beliefs:
I am not enough.
I don't do enough.
I don't have enough.
These three irrational beliefs mess with our minds. They
mess with our ability to live in the present moment. They
make us do crazy things. They rob us of our sleep. They turn
friends into competitors. They destroy our self-esteem. They
drive our addictions.
Challenge these beliefs and move beyond your fear by
repeating after me:
I am not enough. I am enough.
I don't do enough. I do enough.
I don't have enough. I have enough.
Use these three new thoughts as your personal mantra.
Memorize them. Repeat them until they are automatic. Your
6

other tasks will look and feel easy once you ground yourself
in your new beliefs. If I ever got a tattoo, it would be of
these three lines.
Once you believe that you are enough, that you have
enough, and that you do enough, you begin to believe it
about others, as well. You begin to sleep at night. You serve
others without thoughts of what you can get in return. You
smile more. Your fear fades and your days begin to flow.
Growing up on a farm, there was no time for fear. My nine
siblings and I worked on our 80-acre produce farm, three
seasons of every year, until we left home. We worked every
evening, every day we weren't in school, and every
weekend.
School work and time for study was secondary. Academically
I slid by. I didn't fail but I could barely maintain aboveaverage grades. I never thought of myself as smart. There
was no discussion of college with this farm girl. I believe
thats part of the reason I became pregnant and married so
young.
Hubs and I took our family to church every Sunday because
it gave us a two-hour break while the girls attended Sunday
school.
Even though I never played a sport in my life, I joined the
church softball team and felt a part of something outside of
motherhood.
Father Don, the parish priest, was young, attractive, and
helped coach the team. He was also insightful and
philosophical. The experience was fun and enlightening. It
was my only social outlet.
Don (as he liked to be called) suggested that I attend
college part-time when the twins, our youngest, began
7

kindergarten. I laughed because I didn't think I qualified. He


insisted. I was terrified.
He decided to drive me to the campus and show me
around. He helped me to sign up for two classes: speed
reading and how to study. Smart man!
Nine and a half years later I graduated. I never took more
than two or three classes a semester. I would go to class
during the day and leave a list of chores for the girls to do
when they arrived home from school. One of the chores was
to get dinner started. It was a lot of responsibility for young
children. I studied after they were in bed at night.
I loved learning. You could say I was hungry. I continued on
for my master's degree in counseling psychology. I was
blessed to have my husbands support, Don's faith in me,
and the girls commitment to help out at home.
Life is full of uncertainty. You need to have more faith than
fear, more persistence than doubt, and the help and support
of family and friends to reach your goals. In the end, this is
what makes for a colorful and meaningful life.

Here are some of the things I learned early on about


fear and how to overcome it:
If we can let go of our own fear we can remove fear from
the world. ~ Unknown
You are not your fear.
Its not even a part of you. Fear is a story, an illusion, an
emotion. Mentally see fear as separate from yourself. Dont
identify yourself with fear.

without darkness nothing comes to birth, as without light


nothing flowers. ~ May Sarton
Fear lies.
Dont believe your fear. When you know youre not in any
kind of danger, do the opposite of what fear tells you to do.
If fear says, Dont go to the party, nobody will notice you,
go anyway. When fear says, Dont ask for help. The answer
will probably be no, ask anyway. Do what fear doesnt want
you to do. You are good enough. You are smart enough.
Begin where you are!
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are
living our fears. ~ Les Brown
Talk to your fear.
You are not your fear. Talk to your fear. Ask fear, What
message do you have for me today? Decide if there is any
validity to the message and take any necessary action. Next,
inform it that youll be taking care of yourself today. Thank
your fear and put it in an imaginary box, lock it up, and
throw away the key.
Try a thing you havent done three times. Once, to get over
the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third
time to figure out whether you like it or not. ~ Virgil
Thomson
Dare.
Be open to possibility. Say yes to going with the flow. Say
yes to a new perspective. Say yes to responsibility. Say yes
to the challenge. Say yes to risk. Say yes to new and
different. Say yes to your dreams. Say yes to passion. Say
yes to purpose. Say yes to new things, new people, and new
places. Say yes to love!
9

Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear


is freedom. ~ Mary Ferguson
Zigzag through life.
The road to happiness and success isnt a straight line.
Things go wrong, plans change, stuff happens, people die.
Anytime you are off-track, take the time to regroup and get
back in the saddle again.
Start a huge, foolish project like Noah. It makes absolutely
no difference what people think of you. ~ Rumi
Resist hesitancy.
Make up your mind to change and take action. If you have a
drinking problem, attend AA. If you want to lose weight, join
Weight Watchers. If you want to become a professional
speaker, join Toastmasters. Dont hesitate. Some of the
most kind and friendly people in the world are a part of
these organizations. You have more power than you can
ever imagine. Begin now.
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be
continually fearing you will make one. ~ E Hubbard
To succeed you need to find something to hold onto,
something to motivate you, something to inspire you. ~
Tony Dorsett
Talk it up a notch.
Use encouraging words. Create affirmations as reminders.
Post them everywhere. Read them. Memorize them. Louise
Hay, internationally renowned author and founder of Hay
House, is 85 years old and she continues to use affirmations.
10

Thats how she built her empire. Never underestimate the


power of positive self-talk.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
~ Lao-Tsu
Unprocrastinate.
Do what you need to do today. Act like you're capable. Dont
hesitate, delay, or isolate. Apologize, take the high road,
accept responsibility for all that you do and all that you dont
do. Life is messy. So what?! Learn from your mistakes and
move on.
Let go of the end result.
Learn to do your best and let go the rest. You can't know,
see or do everything. Put your best effort into every area of
your life. Do what needs to be done and surrender all else.
Let go of control. Breathe. Your Higher Power, God, or the
Universe will take care of the rest.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph
Waldo Emerson
Lighten up.
Dont take things personally. Turn off the news. Smile more.
Surrender. Have a playful attitude. Make your life an
adventure. If you choose, you can pick up your problems
again tomorrow. One shift, one tweak or one small step at a
time. Choose to be bold. Life is simple. Don't complicate it.
"Fearless" is living in spite of those things that scare you to
death. ~Taylor Swift
Surround yourself with the best.
11

Look for wise mentors. Choose loving friends. Enroll in the


best seminars. Read one book a week. Eat healthy food. Do
yoga. Fear can't blossom in a positive environment.
Live out loud, live in color, now is your time, today is your
day!

12

Gratitude As An Antidote For Fear


Gratitude has changed our lives. Years ago, Hubs bought a
hot tub to celebrate my completion of graduate school, my
new work as a psychologist, and our empty nest stage of
life.
Sitting in our hot tub one clear and starry night, we created
what we call our "gratitude game." We would take turns
sharing what we were grateful for. The only rule we had was
that we couldn't repeat what was already said. That one rule
made us dig deeper.
The hot tub is long gone but the game is not. We continue to
"play" it when we go for walk or a long drive. The best time
to play it is when one of us feels like we've been unfairly
treated by life. We play it because we want to feel better.
We play it because we know better.
Over the years Ive also kept gratitude journals. Its a mood
changer for me.
Ive discovered years ago that you can't be unhappy and
grateful at the same time. Getting out of our egos and into
gratitude is a bold and fearless thing to do. It's time well
spent. It really changes our brain chemistry.
One of the most enlightening things that I have learned in
life is to be thankful for relationships that challenge me.
Prior to learning this I felt like a victim. I felt unfairly
treated, I felt I was right and others were wrong. I wanted
to run from people who didnt agree with me.
Now I know that the people in my life are my teachers. The
person who is rude, the stranger in traffic, who doesnt
move fast enough and the clerk in at the customer service
desk, who is slow. They give me opportunities to grow.
13

Family and friends are my most important and also my most


difficult teachers. They offer me my biggest challenges and
growth opportunities. They mirror the character defects I
need to work on.
Instead of declaring them wrong and heading the other way,
I take in what they have to offer. Ive discovered they are in
my life to teach me how to love without conditions. The
quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our
relationships.
Strive for healed relationships instead of perfect
relationships.
If you want to change your life express gratitude when
youre full of doubt, worry, and fear. Choose to keep a
journal. Put gratitude and appreciation at the top of your todo list.

14

The Story Of My Fearless Daughter


My fearless daughter, Kristy, is living her dream in spite of
being physically challenged. Born without a right hand, she
learned quickly how to do the difficult things: holding onto a
swing, tying her shoes, and riding her bike.
In school, she was determined to keep up with the other
kids. She wanted to play sports like her three sisters.
We witnessed her do the impossible things. She was a
pitcher on her softball team in sixth grade. In ninth grade
she defied her soccer coach and played for four years, and in
twelfth grade she scored 21 points in a basketball game.
Kristy taught us all about being bold and dreaming big.
Today, she participates in marathons and triathlons and is a
manager at New Balance.
Heres what I learned from my daughter on how to live a
bold and fearless life:
The difficult is that which can be done immediately; the
impossible is that which takes a little longer. ~ George
Santayna
Resilience.
When Kristy was in kindergarten a bully knocked her down,
jumped on her, and broke her leg. She bounced back and
carried on. A high school soccer coach said it was impossible
for her to play soccer. She tried out anyway and made it on
the team. Kristy went on to play for two years at the
University of Chicago, as well.

15

Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness.


But to keep going when the going is hard and slow that is
patience. ~ Unknown
Patience.
It may take you twice as long as someone else to do
something. It's no reason to give up. Kristy used to show up
at basketball practice 15 minutes early and stay 15 minutes
after everyone else left in order to get extra time with the
coach. It added up over the years. She also played
basketball for two years in college.
The will to persevere is often the difference between failure
and success. ~ David Sarnoff
Persevere.
I watched as Kristy discovered how to persevere through
difficulties, obstacles, and opposition by using commitment,
hard work, and determination. Even as her stub chafed and
bled, she would carry on. She doesn't tolerate excuses or
quitting.
The impossible becomes possible when you know that you
are loved.
Support.
Kristy knew we had her back. She made it a point to connect
with us when it was emotionally painful. Some kids teased
her and others were mean. Some adults, today, continue to
pull back and refuse to shake her stub during an
introduction. Her family and friends are her safe haven when
she feels defeated.

16

Its not because things are difficult that we dare not venture.
Its because we dare not venture that they are difficult. ~
Seneca
Love life.
Kristy lives with enthusiasm, passion, and a zest for life. Her
energy is contagious. She currently volunteers for Back on
My Feet, a nonprofit organization dedicated to creating
independence and self-sufficiency within the homeless and
other underserved populations by first engaging them in
running as a means to build confidence, strength, and selfesteem.
Don't allow fear, doubt, or worry to hold you back. You can
overcome the obstacles in your way. My daughter taught me
that, and now Im teaching others to do that.

17

Boldness Has Magic, Genius And Power In It


I'm the person who talks about magic, power, and genius. I
can speak easily to a crowd of five thousand but when you
put me in a room to network with 50 people, I become
socially shy. It's an intimacy issue: in-to-me-see
I avoid networking. When I have to attend a conference, I
feel myself getting anxious about it at least a month prior to
the event. I even fantasize about cancelling the trip. But I
dont.
Instead I "walk my talk." I get bold and carry on. I begin
reaching out. I contact other attendees through social media
and spend time getting to know other attendees before my
arrival.
I go prepared. I decide what people I want to meet in
advance and then do so. If I want an opportunity to speak at
the next conference, I look for the meeting planner and
introduce myself.
The following steps will help you tap into your power, magic
and genius:
In pursuit of happiness, smart people often end up dumbing
down themselves. ~ Erol Ozan
Own your brilliance.
Do scary stuff. Be curious. Pay attention. You have a
profound greatness. Breathe it in. Share it with others.
Come out of hiding. Decide to shine. This is your time. Stay
eager.
The best helping hand that you will ever receive is the one
at the end of your own arm. ~ Fred Dehner
18

Knock down the doors.


When doors dont open, kick them down. When theres a
detour, climb a fence. When somebody tells you, no, ask
again. Keep going back and keep moving forward until you
get what you want. Each no is a step closer to a yes.
Dont go through life, grow through life. ~ Eric Butterworth
Invest in yourself.
Learn from the best. Purchase the best learning materials.
Hire the best tutor. Seek out the best mentor. Dont just sit
there, invest in yourself. Nobody will do it for you.
Remember your power and your brilliance.
Success isnt a result of spontaneous combustion. You must
set yourself on fire. ~ Arnold H. Glasow
Stand out.
Tell the truth. Keep your promises. Make others aware
of your strengths. Be persistent. Be yourself. Listen to your
heart. Follow your dreams with integrity and love. Its a
powerful combination.
It is not what you do once in a while, its what you do day in
and day out that makes the difference. ~ Jenny Craig
Create an in spite of attitude.
In spite of my fear, I will take the first step or make the first
move. In spite of my fear I will create a plan, ask for what I
need, and begin. In spite of my heart pounding, my palms
sweating, and my knees shaking, I will move forward today.

19

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. ~ Raymond


Linquist
Let go.
Unset your mind and heart, and instead set your intention
and choose to let go of the outcome. Be open to options.
Your results may be even better than you expected.
Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration,
desperation, perspiration and inspiration. ~ Evan Esar
It's your choice.
We make hundreds of choices everyday. Become aware of
the choices you make and the consequences of your choices.
Choose to get up an hour earlier each day. Choose to use
your gifts and talents. Choose to go the extra mile. Choose
to ask for help. Choose to leave your mark on the world.
Choose to rise one more time than you fall. Choose to move
beyond your fear.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every
time we fail. ~ Confucius
Choose to feel safe.
So what if it doesn't work out. So what if you have to begin
again? So what if you are afraid? Sometimes life will demand
that you crawl one more inch and sometimes life will allow
you to soar. Continue to move. Enjoy it all. Nothing is as
serious as we make it out to be.
It is more important to know where you are going than to
get there quickly. ~ Mabel Newcomber
Enjoy the ride.
20

You dont have to make life difficult. Savor the adventure.


Go new places. Introduce yourself to people. Learn
something awesome. Dont be the same person today who
you were yesterday.
We have more possibilities available in each moment than
we realize. ~ Thich Nat Hanh
Dwell in possibility.
When we live in fear, we dwell more on what wont or cant
work. When we live in possibility we wonder what will work
and discover how it can. Begin to spend more time in whats
possible and less time in doubt. Dream big!
I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the
more it begins to make sense. ~ Harold Kushner
Let life be good.
You determine how your day will go. When you stay out of
your own way, life is great. If you fear success, you stop
your progress and create obstacles. Do what is before you.
Work on your top three tasks. Focus and allow life to be
grand!
Say and do something positive that will help the situation; it
doesnt take any brains to complain. ~ Robert A. Cook
Refuse to complain.
Change what you dont like about your life. You choose how
to live. Do what makes you feel good. Dont complain about
your work, find a new job. Dont complain about a friend,
make amends or move on. Dont complain about your
weight, eat less or exercise more. You have the power to be
happy or not. Nobody wants to hear you complain. Nobody!
21

Landscapes of great wonder and beauty lie under our feet


and all around us. They are discovered in tunnels in the
ground, the heart of flowers, the hollows of trees, freshwater ponds, seaweed jungles between tides, and even
drops of water. ~ Walt Disney
Acknowledge the wonder and beauty of life.
Pay attention to what is awesome in your life. Its easy to
get caught up in what others have and what others are
doing. Meanwhile, you discount your own blessings as
meaningless and unimportant. Life is filled with beautiful
moments; pay attention to them.
We should not judge people by their peak of excellence, but
by the distance they have traveled from the point where
they started. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
Judge nothing that occurs.
We dont know what anything is for. We cant see the big
picture. We dont know why someone wins against all odds.
We dont know why some things go terribly wrong. The only
meaning something has is what we give it. Show up with
less judgment, have fun, and do your best.
I have found that if you love life, live will love you back. ~
Arthur Rubinstein
Spiral upward.
See your life experience with hope, trust and optimism.
Decide to feel good in every moment. Release negative
energy, negative situations, and negative people. Stay in the
moment, be happy, and choose joy.
What if everything turns out great? Most things arent as
serious as you make them out to be. You are surrounded by
22

possibility. Keep your head high and your eyes open.


Observe. Take action. Step into an amazing future!

23

Feel More Love And Less Fear


The one thing that every human being has in common is that we all
want to be loved. Some may not know this and others may deny this
but its the truth.
There are only two emotions, love and fear. If you know this and
believe this, youd think it would be easy to choose love over fear.
But its not.
Weve been told since childhood not to trust strangers and that some
people are bad or not equal to others. Teachers often support our
parent's beliefs.
We also live in a culture of fear. We are taught to be afraid of crime,
kidnapping, minorities, ex-inmates, germs, drugs, terrorism and
drugs. Society is manipulated by fear tactics. Fear sells and people
and organizations profit from it.
In The Culture of Fear, sociologist Barry Glassner
demonstrates that it is our perception of danger that has
increased, not the actual level of risk.
If we are going to learn to consistently choose love over fear
we have to stop listening to the negative media. We need to
remember that we are intelligent people who can think for
ourselves. We dont have to follow the herd.
Fear keeps us disconnected, isolated and confused. Fear
keeps us stuck in debt, addiction and scarcity thinking. Fear
keeps us in the future. Fear breeds more fear.
We dont have to live in fear. Its a choice.
I choose love. Love keeps us united, connected and content.
Love allows us to feel seen, heard and secure. Love
promotes service and collaboration.
I was blessed to find teachers, mentors and friends in my
late twenties who showed me the path to love. Over the

24

years this knowledge has allowed me to grow deeper in love


with myself, life and the rest of the world.
If you would like to feel more love and less fear, you may
find these tips helpful:
Love is the absence of judgment. ~ Dalai Lama
Open your mind and heart.
Be open to a new way. Letting go of deep rooted fear isnt
easy. It takes practice. Listen more and judge less. Initiate
conversations and friendships with people who are different
from you. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Expect
others to be kind and loving. Drop your preconceived
notions.
There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down
lifting people up. ~ John Holmes
Turn on your love faucet.
Be kind. Train yourself to think and speak lovingly. Look for
people who need your help. Be generous. Be of service.
Those who have more must give more. Set the example. Go
the extra mile.
If you cant change the circumstances, change your
perspective. ~ Unknown
Change your beliefs.
Write down what you believe about crime, drugs, different
countries, other races, poverty etc. Choose to change your
negative beliefs. Believe in the good in the world and in
others. Look for proof to back up your new found beliefs.
A persons world is only as big as their heart. ~ Tanya Moore
Keep a journal.

25

At the end of the day, write down the love you experienced.
Write down the kindness you witnessed. Write down the love
that youve seen expressed. What you focus on expands.
When you look for love, youll find it.
The most important thing in this world is to learn to give out
love and let it come in. ~ Maurie Schwartz
Give the love you want to experience.
Be the first to offer to help. Hold the door open for
strangers. Look people in the eye and be first to say hello.
Love is a verb. Take action.
Love isnt a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like
struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person
exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. ~ Fred
Rogers
Appreciate the ones youre with.
Focus on others' strengths. Refuse to criticize. Be the first
person to declare and demonstrate your love to your friends
and family members. Dont ever hold back or withdraw your
love. Be grateful for all the people in the world who love
you.
Once you have learned to love, you will have learned to live.
~ Unknown
Love yourself.
Begin today. Speak well of yourself. Praise yourself.
Celebrate yourself. Be willing to put yourself first. If its true
that we cant love anyone until we love ourselves, no
wonder theres a dearth of love being expressed in the
world. Meet your own needs. Make it your no.1 priority.
There is no reason to feel alone and unloved. There is no
excuse not to be more loving. Make your choice for love
today. Take a stand. Give love. Express love. Be love,
loving. A whole new world awaits you.
26

Grow Your Courage Muscles


You might not think of yourself as a bold person but you are.
Ill bet you could reflect on your life and come up with
numerous bold moments and actions.
You dont need to do epic things to be bold. You dont have
to live a life of grand adventure, travel around the world or
learn 5 languages. Those things are wonderful and work for
some people.
Every bold act counts:

When you stand up for something you believe in.

When you apologize to a person that you have hurt.

When you create boundaries and empower yourself.

When you walk away from gossip and negativity.

You get the picture. I want you to begin to see yourself as a


bold person. When youre afraid, react with courage and
confidence. You know how; you have done it a million times.
Its time to own it. Give yourself credit for getting this far in
life. Honor and celebrate who you are and what you have
done so far.
I'm sure you have gotten through some difficult things. I'm
sure you have done wonderful things for others. It's all
bold!
Heres how you can continue to grow your courage
and confidence.
Be a promise keeper.
Write down what you promise others. Follow through.

27

Take Responsibility.
Its up to you to change everything youre unhappy about in
your life. If you dont like something, change it.
Recognize your projections.
Your problems are never about someone else. If you spot it,
you got it. Recognize what you need to heal and move on.
Motivate yourself.
I have been feeling low lately. I decided to change things up
and run a marathon. I paid my entrance fee. Im
committed.
Hire a coach.
Life is short. You dont have to struggle. Get the help you
need, move forward and do great things.
Change your story. Let the past go. Let your fear go.
Youre the author of your life. Create a new story. Make it
amazing and beautiful.
Laugh at your fear.
Tell fear youll get back to it next Tuesday. Go do something
worthwhile.
Dont take things personally.
What other people do is about them. How you react is about
you. Its not necessary to cause yourself pain.
Make a choice to be a loving and kind person today.
Check in with yourself to see how youre doing throughout
your day. Notice your thoughts and mood. Take a time out
and regroup when you need to. Choose to make deliberate,
loving choices.
Drop the drama.
28

Rethink your problems. Shift your perception. Do you have


your basic needs met? Do you whine and complain about
minor inconveniences? Stop, now.
Have the difficult conversations in life, face-to-face.
Leave texting for the less serious issues. Take the high road.
Have the guts to apologize.
When youre wrong, admit it. Let go of the need to be right.
Be a generous person.
Begin now, especially if you think you don't have enough.
Shift your perception about failure.
Its not a bad thing. Learn from what went wrong and
regroup. Keep trying. Eventually you will succeed.
Always go the extra mile.
Its a good and honest way to stand out from the crowd.
Uplift others when they are down.
Be compassionate. Take a walk in somebody else's shoes.
Tell others how you feel.
Say "I love you and I appreciate you, often.
Every act of courage counts. Most are bigger than you
realize.

29

When Nothing Else Works, Calm Down


I've heard from several clients that they live in a permanent
state of fear, stress, and anxiety. I understand how they
feel. I've been there.
When I was in my late twenties my life was completely out
of control. I didn't think I could get any lower than I was.
There was no sun in my personal sky. There was no light at
the end of my tunnel. I was stuck in personal pain. I was
unhappy and miserable.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud
was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais
Nin
I did several things to change my life.
The first thing was to seek professional help: I wasn't
well enough to solve my problems by myself. I couldn't read
Top 10 Tips and take action. I wasn't capable. I saw my
therapist weekly, for nine months. I did my "homework"
faithfully. This was the single most important step that I
took. A life changer for me!
I attended a support group: I attended twice a week until
I felt better. Then I cut down to once a week. A year later I
began facilitating the group. There are numerous support
groups both on and offline. Choose one and begin.
I began to journal: I wrote "morning pages" suggested by
Julia Cameron, of The Artists Way. Later, I filled my journals
with art therapy and gratitude. Finally, I offered journaling
classes to women.
I began a spiritual practice: A spiritual practice made my
life easier, calmer, and more loving. Examples include:
30

meditation, yoga, mindfulness, reading spiritual books,


chanting, and martial arts. Experiment until you find whats
right for you. Then begin.
I took and still take medication: I was 41 when I was
diagnosed with ADHD. I was unable to focus, my behavior
was impulsive. The medication that was prescribed for me
completely changed my life. Some experts are against
medication.
Sometimes the experts are wrong. It worked and it
continues to work for me.
If you live in an anxious state 24/7, if you can't keep your
mind from racing, if you can't stop negative thinking, if you
never feel good, schedule an appointment with your
physician today. Decide together what is best for you.
Discuss your symptoms. Again, sometimes it's impossible to
change on your own. Get over yourself and take
action. There is no time for self-pity. You are worth so much
more than your pain. You are a beautiful and worthy human
being.
Some people are against taking drugs, yet they drink
alcohol, smoke pot, and do other mind numbing activities to
relieve their pain. It's called "self-medicating." It doesn't
work.
I worked in a prison for a year, counseling addicts. I often
thought if they were on medication they would not have
committed their crimes.
You deserve a good life, a chance to perform at a higher
level, an opportunity to wake up and be excited about being
alive.
Medication isn't a cure all. You still have to learn to love
yourself, change your bad habits, and continue to grow.
31

The following 11 tips can help you calm down when


nothing else works.
Positive thoughts are not enough. There have to be positive
feelings and positive actions. ~ Remez Sasson
Stop over-thinking.
Over-thinking is 99% negative. Become a positive thinker.
Train yourself to expect, speak, and visualize what you want
to achieve. When you catch yourself over-thinking, stop!
Think well of yourself and believe in your future. Take
positive actions.
At work, you think of the children you have left alone. At
home, you think of the work youve left unfinished. Such a
struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent. ~
Gold Meir
Take a break & reboot.
Un-tether. Shut off your electronics. Retreat. Regroup.
Relax. Clear your mind. Let go. Surrender.
Turn off your work. Play with your kids, go for a quick run,
or a wild bike ride. When you get involved in physical
activity, it's like rebooting your inner computer. The
endorphins that are released in your body improve your
mental and psychological health. Give yourself a break.
Allow the joy to come forward. Allow hope to exist. ~
Maharaji
Practice deep breathing.
When you feel anxious, you can learn to relax by practicing
deep breathing. Learn to take deep breathes from your
32

abdomen instead of your chest. Breathe in slowly for four


counts, hold your breath for four counts and release your
breath for four counts. As you do, carbon dioxide is released
and your heart rate slows down. Practice this regularly.
Make it a habit.
When you say I can, and expect success, you fill yourself
with confidence and happiness. ~ Remez Sasson
Stop betting on the negative.
Catch yourself thinking about worst-case scenarios. Change
your thoughts by calculating the best positive outcomes.
Make expecting the best a habit. Ask yourself, "What is the
outcome I want to have happen in this situation? Put your
faith in it.
I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery-air,
mountains, trees, people. I thought, This is what it is to be
happy. ~ Sylvia Plath
Downtime in nature.
Spend at least five minutes a day outdoors regardless of the
weather. Sit on a park bench, take the furthest parking
space, or walk to the store or library. As little as five
minutes spent outdoors, daily, can be a quick mood
changer. Become aware. Pay attention to a single blade of
grass, a cloud in the sky, or a flower breaking through the
concrete. If you haven't been outside today, go now!
Breathe. Smile. Enjoy.
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life
by ourselves alone we find it with another. ~ Thomas
Merton
Reach out and connect.
33

Reach out to someone you can trust, someone who cares,


somebody who will listen. "In the flesh" connection is best.
Nothing can replace touch, eye contact, a kiss, a hug, or a
pat on the back. We tend to over exaggerate or
catastrophize what is happening in our lives. A friend or
family member can help us remember who we are.
To keep the body in good health is a dutyotherwise we
shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~
Buddha
Caffeine in moderation.
Coffee and energy drinks have become popular in the past
several years. Decrease stimulants that trigger the flight or
fight condition in your body. Energy drinks, coffee, teas, and
sodas can set off anxiety and panic. Cut way back or slowly
eliminate them altogether.
Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of
mental illness. ~ Richard Carlson
Physically relax.
A massage, a hot bath, a nap, soft music, or a book of
poetry can help you relax your body. Figure out what works
for you and make a list. Take action when you feel as if
anxiety is taking over your mind and body.
A thought is harmless unless we believe it. Its not our
thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes
suffering. ~ Byron Katie
Question yourself.
Notice what negative thoughts or stories you are repeating
and believing when you feel anxious or fearful. Ask yourself
the following questions:
34

What is on my mind?
Am I making this issue, fear, or worry something
bigger than it really is?
Can I prove myself wrong?
Will it matter a year, six months, 3 months or even one
month from now?
How can I see this differently?
Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious
breathing is my anchor. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Inhale Peace. Exhale Love.
All the thoughts we think are about the pain of the past or
the fear of the future. Learn to take life one present
moment at a time. Learn to pause throughout your day.
Slowly inhale through your nose and silently repeat the word
"peace." Pause for a few seconds. Exhale through your
mouth and silently repeat the world love. Do this for five
minutes. Repeat as needed.
Its not the load that breaks you down; its the way you
carry it. ~ Lena Horne
11. Again, seek professional help.
It takes deep self-love and courage to seek out help when
you can't cope alone. If you could do it alone, you would
have by now. Most people seek help when they are sick and
tired of being sick and tired.
My daughter's school counselor had a sign in her office that
said, "Yougottawanna."
Its up to you to attract success, prosperity, opportunities
and love, achieve dreams and goals, and take control of
your life! How badly do you want a better life for yourself?
35

With the proper action your life can get better. You owe it to
yourself. You are worthy. I am here to support you.

36

Financial Abundance:
Its A State Of Mind
We live in a cultural vortex of scarcity. It's hard to escape it.
Everyone gets sucked into "not enoughness" some of the
time. Everyone runs scared once in a while.
However, if you are in a constant state of worry and fear
about your finances and your future, your core belief is in
scarcity. If you believe in lack, no matter what you own or
how much money you have, it will never be enough.
Sufficiency isn't two steps up from poverty or one step short
of abundance. It isn't a measure of barely enough or more
than enough. Sufficiency isn't an amount at all. It is an
experience, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing
that there is enough, and that we are enough. ~ Brene
Brown
I was 17 and pregnant when I got married in 1972. I didnt
have a dime in my pocket. Hubs had one dollar in his wallet.
We had a big Polish wedding and most of our guests gifted
us with money. It's tradition. We knew we would do well and
we did. That was the extent of our plan!
In a recession you can still succeed.
There was a recession in the U.S. from 1973-1975. We were
too blinded by love to notice or care. Hubs worked in a
factory and I planted flowers on two acres of land and sold
them at the farmers market. We both had a lot of energy
and we inherited strong work ethics.
We were clueless, in-love, and crazy-busy. Without a real
plan, we became parents to four girls by the time I was 22.
37

The funny thing is that we never really worried about not


having enough.
I shopped at secondhand stores. We didnt go out for dinner
or entertainment. We played cards or board games with
other couples. Our car was old and rusty. It didnt matter.
We laughed about it.
Fear is irrational.
Today we dont have near the responsibility we had then.
Today we have a plan in place. I look back at those early
years and I know that today were on Easy Street. I dont
have a reason to fear my future and yet I sometimes do.
The key to an abundant mindset isnt to rid yourself of fear.
We have strong egos that will continue to pull us back in.
The key is to have a plan in place for fearful times.
The following 9 tips will help you build an abundant
life:
If we do not feel grateful for what we have, what makes us
think we'd be happy with more? ~ Unknown
Be all-out joyful and grateful for everything.
Focus on what you have instead of what you dont have. Put
yourself to sleep by counting your blessings. When is the
last time you were grateful for the shade of a tree, the smell
of your morning coffee, or the hot water for your shower?
We're accustomed to having so much that we dont realize
how fortunate we are until we lose something, or until
something that we have quits working.
Shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow half
sorrow. ~ Swedish Proverb
38

Share your blessings.


Author Neale Donald Walsh states, "If you want something,
you need to first give half of what you already have to
somebody else." Think on that one sentence. What will you
share today?
Those who are the happiest are those who do the most for
others. ~ Booker T. Washington
Serve others.
Productivity is not a purpose. Serving is. Give without any
thought of receiving. Do it in small and big ways. Give your
time, money, and talents. Share smiles, hugs, and laughter.
Never keep score.
Once, my husband went into the gas station for a few
minutes as I waited in the car. I noticed a man standing on
the sidewalk. He was old, worn, and was missing an arm.
His other arm didnt look very good either. Diabetes, I think.
I phoned my husband and asked him to pick up some
bottled water and a sandwich. I asked him to give it to the
guy on the sidewalk when he came out. The man smiled,
accepted it, and walked away. Its that simple.
Give because its good for your well-being. Give because
generous people are happy people. Give because you believe
you have enough. Giving is personal; give in your own way.
It takes as much energy to wish as it does to
plan. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Create a financial plan.

39

Learn how to make and manage money. Live within your


means. You will gain happiness, clarity, and peace for what
is and what may be.
The world is nothing but my perception of it. I see only
through myself. I hear only through the filter of my story.
~ Byron Katie
Bet on the positive.
Spin a positive story about your past, present, and
future. Change the stories that you tell yourself. Fill them
with joy, happiness, fun, and love. Believe that life loves you
and the world is plotting to do you good.
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark
from another person. Each of us has cause to think with
deep gratitude of those that have lighted the flame within
us. ~ Albert Schweitzer
Gather support.
One of my clients has a fear of becoming a homeless person.
I asked her to list the names of everyone that loves her.
Next I asked her to cross out the people on the list that
would not help her in times of trouble. She couldnt cross
out anyone.
Fear thrives in loneliness and isolation. Reach out to family,
friends, a coach, or a support group. Asking others for help
is always a wise choice.
There are many things that are essential to arriving at true
peace of mind, and one of the most important is faith, which
cannot be acquired without prayer. ~ John Wooden
Ask for guidance.
40

Pray. Meditate. Listen to your intuition. Use affirmations. Do


what works for you. Do it the moment you begin to feel fear.
Don't quit until you feel safe.
The greatest wealth is health. ~ Virgil
Honor yourself.
Do what it takes to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually
healthy. Youll have the energy you need to create an
awesome life for yourself in spite of your fear!
The next thing you think, the next action you take, will
either create a new possibility for you, or it will repeat the
past. ~ Deepak Chopra
One small step at a time.
Take action. Do what you are afraid to do. Dont make
excuses. Dont be a victim. Life changes when you change it.
Decide to act today.

41

Embrace Fear and Choose Change


We can embrace fear and choose to change.
The problem is we dont like change. It's hard work. It
requires facing painful and difficult emotions. It requires us
to surrender the status quo.
A few of my past life changes
I have accepted fear as a part of life specifically the fear of
changeI have gone ahead despite the pounding in the
heart that says: turn back. ~Erica Jong

I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I

chose to see a therapist and healed my past.


chose to quit smoking and I began running.
chose to become a vegetarian.
began studying A Course In Miracles.
finished graduate school.
opened a private practice as a therapist.
started a blog and a coaching career.
moved from Michigan to Arizona.
decided to be a happy person.
decided to live life on my own terms.
chose to be responsible about money.

A few small changes and ongoing changes

I
I
I
I
I
I
I

began green juicing.


let go of the need to be right.
keep a gratitude journal.
choose to be positive.
choose to continue to grow.
think of myself as a forgiving person.
love and accept everyone, including you.

Fear of change is the reason we resist anything.


42

In many circumstances, we refuse to change until our backs


are up against the wall.
Life consists of twists, turns, good fortune, and
disappointment. Instead of avoiding your problems and
lessons, its possible to learn from experience, embrace
change and live a fabulous life.
In order to grow you have to change.
Change allows you to experience life differently. Change
makes you a stronger person. Its your responsibility to
make your life better.
Things change when you make the decision to change:
Become an open-minded person.
Choose to listen more and talk less.
Change your attitude.
Decide to face your fears.
Embrace diversity.
Decide to believe in yourself.
Choose to be a more loving person.
Opt out of being right.
Learn to love and respect yourself.
Surrender what you cannot change.
Begin to appreciate your life today.
Expect the best.
The changes you make will affect those closest to you in a
positive manner.
Get clear about what you need to change, why you need to
change, and how you will monitor your success.
43

Decide what you will change.


To help you get clear finish this sentence, My life would be
better if I changed ____________."
The following are some additional suggestions for
change:
Exercise more
Get more sleep
Find a different job
Increase face-to-face communication with others
Manage your moods
Spend less
Save more
Move to another city
Learn a new skill
Watch less television
Strive less and thrive more
Save for a vacation
Become a more loving person
Read more
Become a forgiving person
Join a support group
Choose to include more fun and play in your day
Write down why you need to change and the benefits
of making a change.

44

I need to change my eating habits because of high blood


pressure. The benefits are weight loss and good health.
I need to save more money. The benefits are having an
emergency fund and financial freedom.
I need to keep a gratitude journal. The benefits are feeling
satisfied and creating well-being.
I need to establish a morning ritual. I benefit by staying
calm and centered throughout the day.
Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let's love
turbulence and use it for change. ~ Ramsay Clark
Write down obstacles that may prevent change.
For example, your inner critic is sabotaging your efforts.
I cant handle it.
I dont have time.
I dont have enough money.
Im comfortable, even though Im miserable.
I dont have enough support.
Im afraid of failure.
Im afraid of what others will think.
Its not really that bad.
Ill start tomorrow.
Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~Norman
Vincent Peale
Write down solutions for each obstacle.
45

Change what you are telling yourself. Make up a new


story.
I can do it one day at a time.
I can ask my best friend for support.
I can start my day an hour earlier.
I can be positive. I will succeed.
Now is the best time to begin.
Small and consistent steps are the best way to begin. It
makes change easier. You dont have to leap out of your
comfort zone.
If you want to save money, begin saving all of your change.
If you want to eat healthier, include one or two new
vegetables in your diet, each week. As you accomplish one
small step, take another.
Use proven tools to create change.
Breathe.
Learn to slow down your pace. Breathe in I am calm
breathe out I am safe.
Use inspirational material.
Learn to motivate yourself when you feel like giving up.
Get support.
Find an accountability partner, hire a therapist, or join a
support group. These three things require you connect with
others for your emotional and mental health.
Read affirmations.
They help counter act your negative thoughts. Write them
on index cards with colored markers. Keep a few in your

46

purse, on your night stand and in your car. Read them


several times a day.
Slow down.
Change doesn't happen overnight. Be patient with yourself
and others. Remind yourself to take one step at a time, one
day at a time. Live mindfully.
Get outside.
Nature is calming and healing. Spend at least 15 minutes
outside daily.
Shake up your routine.
If you want to lose weight, stop eating in your car. If you
want to spend less, stop all recreational shopping. Replace
these habits with a positive change.
Keep a journal.
The process of writing things out makes it real. There is
less room for denial. Write down your successes and
failures. Write out your feelings. Write out your plan. When
you want to give up, write.
Think of the worst case scenario. Whats the worst that
can happen if you dont make a change? Dont stay stuck.
Be kind.
Be your own best friend. Never berate yourself for failing.
Begin again; start over as often as it takes.
Move.
Physical movement makes you feel good. When you feel
good you do good.
Have a spiritual plan.

47

Be connected through prayer, silence or meditation. Be


connected to a higher power, God, Buddha, or whatever is
right for you.
A few thoughts on addiction:
If you have an addiction you will need professional help and
a lot of support.
I have heard clients say, I can quit on my own. I quit for six
months, once. My reply is, You stopped, you didn't quit.
Quitting is forever.
Roughly one third of the population continues to smoke,
knowing its a deadly habit. An addiction requires a "one day
at a time approach." Addicts are required to change the
people, places and things that they are triggered by.
A.A. teaches that one of three things will happen over time,
to an addict that fails to change. An addict will eventually go
to prison, a mental institution or die.
Resolve, courage, and fortitude.
These qualities will become stronger as you proceed down
the path of change.
In conclusion, there are unlimited tools available to change
your life and fuel new habits. Your life won't change until
you decide to change it. Decide today!

48

Action Dissolves Fear


Everyone has days when they feel unmotivated, fearful or
stuck. Some waste time, some quit and others keep going.
They adopt an in spite of attitude. They take continuous
action no matter what. You can do the same!
How to create an action habit:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the
things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So
throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Discover. ~ Mark Twain
Have a clear vision.
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not
enough; we must do. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Make a plan. Visualize your desired outcome. Get excited
about it. Make a commitment to invest your time, money
and energy into your plan. Be willing to do what it takes.
Without this you wont feel like taking any action at all.
Know whats important.
Prioritize your to-do list. Each day focus on the three most
important things you need to do. Let the rest go. At the end
of the day add new things to the list, re-prioritize.
The following day do the top three things again. Its like
the 80/20 principle. Identify key tasks (20%) that will
produce the greatest results (80%). Repeat daily.
Success seems to be connected with action. Successful
people keep moving. They make mistakes but don't quit. ~
Conrad Hilton
Remind yourself that you are capable.

49

When you feel unmotivated remind yourself of past


successes. Use affirmations. Read the success stories of
others. Learn from them. Convince yourself that youre just
as capable. You are!
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every
experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. ~
Eleanor Roosevelt
Get help and support.
You dont have to do everything yourself. You dont have to
go it alone. Simply ask others for their time, advice, and
support. If your request is rejected, ask again!
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very
important that you do it. ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Make a sign for your desk that says, Take action!
Dont delay what you need to do. When you want to over
think things, take action. When you want to put off a task,
take action. When you want to distract yourself with social
media, take action. Imagine where youll be at the end of
the week!
Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on
something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have
never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting
down. ~ Charles F. Kettering
Set a timer for 5 minutes.
Starting is the difficult task. When you dont feel like doing
anything, set a timer for five minutes and begin. Most likely
youll want to do more than 5 minutes and youll keep going.
When you see results you feel better and do more. You
gather momentum.
Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can
do. ~ John Wooden
50

Dont quit until youre finished.


Make a commitment to finish what you start. Dont give up
when it gets rough. Dont quit half way. Continue until its
finished. Have someone hold you accountable.
Being defeated is only a temporary condition; giving up is
what makes it permanent. ~ Marilyn vos Savant
Allow yourself to make mistakes.
Dont be afraid to fail. Learn from your past. Figure out what
you can do differently next time. Fail forward fast. Youll be
closer to success.
Losers visualize the penalties of failure. Winners visualize
the rewards of success. ~ Unknown
Reward yourself.
Give yourself a treat or a break. Celebrate your decision to
act! You deserve acknowledgement. Its the best way
forward.

51

On Perseverance And Success


Do it badly; do it slowly; do it fearfully; do it any way you
have to, but do it. ~ Steve Chandler
The path to success is difficult. Pursuing your dreams takes
hard work. Your ideas get rejected. People turn you down.
You make mistakes. You feel alone and often defeated.
You face speed bumps, obstacles and detours that seem
insurmountable. You feel discouraged, disappointed and
downtrodden.
There is one thing that will guide you through long days and
difficult nights. Its perseverance.
Perseverance is not a personality trait.
Its a choice to persist, dig deep and take action when it
feels like the world is working against you. Its the
willingness to overcome exhaustion, resistance and
unpleasant circumstances. It's the courage to work hard,
stick-to-it and press on no matter what.
Perseverance is a lesson that can be reapplied and revisited
when you want to quit and give up on yourself.
You never know what's around the corner. It could be
everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot
in front of the other, and then one day you look back and
you've climbed a mountain. ~ Tom Hiddleston
11 Ways to Persevere and Succeed
Work hard.
Slick online marketers want you to believe that you can get
rich quick with your online business as long as you buy their
program and follow their directions. This is simply not true.
You must put in the hours. You must work hard. It takes
10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. My question
to you is, How hard are you willing to work?"
52

Quiet the voice of resistance.


The voice in your head wants you to stay safe and sound in
a comfort zone. Its the voice that says: I cant. It wont
work. Thats a dumb idea. Youre not smart enough. Youre
not worthy. Talk back to the voice. Prove it wrong.
Take action.
If you want to be a painter, paint. If you want to be a writer,
write. If you want to be a doctor, go to med school. You
must do what you say youre going to do. Taking action
wipes out fear. It works. Act deliberately.
Maintain enthusiasm.
Keep your spirits high. Know your big why. Why do you
want what you want? Do you want to find a cure for cancer?
Do you want fame? Do you want to increase your income?
Create visual reminders of your big why? Place them where
youll see them every day. Be inspired by your future.
Be creative.
Dont imitate others. Go where others have never been.
Take a risk. Do the unthinkable. Go places you havent been
before. See things you havent seen before. Introduce
yourself to people who have what you want.
Act like a grown up.
Take responsibility. Let go of blame and excuses. Dont
whine and complain. Be willing to do what it takes. Go the
extra mile. Do it with a smile on your face.
Do one more thing.
In spite of how you feel, make one more phone call, write
one more page, create one more video. When you want to
quit, set your timer for 15 more minutes. Keep on keepin
on.
53

Let go.
What bad habit holds you back? Where do you waste time?
Where do you lose ground? Turn off your TV, games and
porn. Stop drinking, drugging and procrastinating. Let go of
bitterness, resentment and anger. Get help if you have to.
Put your new found energy into your dream.
Prepare.
Begin your day with quiet time, meditation or journaling.
This will give you clarity. Choose three of your most
important tasks. This is your to-do list. Dont check email or
surf the net. Dont allow for interruptions. Be 100% focused
on your work.
Create a support network.
Find people who are doing what you want to do and
befriend them. Get a mentor. Hang out with positive people.
Build a community. Become a giver and a go-to person.
Take care of yourself.
Keep up your energy. Eat healthy and exercise. Take
scheduled breaks. Always make room for fun and play. Dont
dwell on your mistakes. Spend time with your family and
friends.
Don't ever give up. Don't ever give in. Don't ever stop
trying. Don't ever sell out.
And if you find yourself succumbing to one of the above for
a brief moment, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, whisper
a prayer, and start where you left off. But never, ever, ever
give up. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich

54

Move Beyond Envy: Thrive


Envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.
~Bertrand Russell
Everyone feels it. Envy is universal. Envy is about fear.
I can trace my first feelings of envy to my childhood. I grew
up with six sisters, each one taller and thinner than I was.
On top of that, they all had pretty, long, thick hair. Mine was
thin, fine, and unruly. I wore a bra as early as fifth grade.
They didnt need one until high school.
I had a bad case of sister envy. Once, when I was mad at
my oldest sister, in particular, I actually imagined taking
scissors to her long, lovely locks in the middle of the night.
Of course, I never did, but I wanted to!
Today, we are good friends. We have each others back.
Envy is a resentful emotion. I measured my beauty against
the beauty of my sisters. I felt inferior and made them
superior. I felt ugly on the inside and blamed it on the
outside. I was too young to understand.
I now know that envy centers on feelings of not enough,
resentment, doubt, scarcity, and longing. With my sisters, I
cant say that I didnt feel animosity toward them. However,
the anguish I felt within was much worse.
Todays Envy
Today, my envy lies in comparing myself to other writers or
bloggers who have best sellers, more readers, and more
sales than I have. Never mind what they did to get there.
My ego wants me to believe they have had an unfair
advantage.
55

Seth Godin, best-selling author, calls the Internet the envy


amplifier.
Used to be that the only Jones you needed to worry about
was the one who lived next door. Now, if you choose too, its
easy to find someone taller, richer, more successful, better
liked, with more followers, online friends, connections and
endorsements. And certainly it will be someone less
deserving than you.
Its not natural to be constantly stressed, upset, reactive,
envious, and fearful. Its just as easy to be brave,
courageous, and bold. Dont allow the success of others to
hold you back.
Heres how you can neutralize your envy:
Want what you have.
Aristotle wrote, Envy is pain at the good fortune of others.
When I feel centered and Im coming from a place of love,
Im happy for the success of others. However, if Im not
centered, I can easily feel a frantic sense of distress when
another blogger has what I want.
Sometimes I take it a step further and wish they didnt have
it either. For me, its usually a partnership with a betterknown blogger. I only need to remind myself that life isnt
meaningful because of what we have, its meaningful
because of who we are.
My happiness doesnt depend on how popular my blog is. My
happiness has more to do with who I am, writing well, and
serving others.
Be grateful for your blessings.
56

When we are envious of others, we discount what we do


haveintrinsic worth, love, family, friends, and more! When
Im feeling envious, I only need to spend more time reveling
in the joy of what I have. In that space there is no need for
greed.
Toot your own horn.
Bolster yourself. Be bold. Give yourself the praise and
approval you want from others. Pat yourself on the back.
Buy yourself a treat. Take yourself out to dinner. Post your
success and accomplishments on social media. Create good
times for yourself by celebrating who you are and what you
do for others.
Put away your measuring stick.
I believe all of our fears fit under these three: I am not
enough. I dont do enough. I dont have enough. To
eliminate fear we need to believe that, I am enough. I have
enough. I do enough! As we adopt these as our core
beliefs, competition and comparison will fall off our radar.
Dont get distracted.
If my ego can convince me that others are winning and I am
losing, I have an excuse for why I dont have to try or work
hard. Envy and comparison are distractions. I unsubscribe to
writers that Im envious of until I can shift my perception
and see things differently.
Talk to a friend, coach, or therapist.
If you consistently struggle with envy, seek help and learn
how to increase your self-confidence and self-worth.

57

Envy is something we all feel but we seldom admit it or talk


about it. Dr. Phil said, We cant erase what we cant face.
If the Internet exasperated the problem, its not going away
anytime soon. As a culture, we need to find healthy
solutions to this insidious issue.
Realize its a story.
What story are you telling yourself about your rival? When
Im envious, I feel inferior because I falsely believe that the
other persons possessions or achievements overshadow
mine. Its a harmful story!
When Im centered, I know that were all connected, and
that together, we can all use our individual gifts and talents
to help heal the world. When I see us all with the same
mission, envy evaporates.
Take action.
Envy is about fear. Fear that Im not getting whats mine.
Fear that Im being left behind. Fear that my work isnt as
important as yours.
The best way to work through your fear is to take action.
Choose to be more daring. Its time to dig deep and connect
to your inner genius. The magic lies within your own unique
gifts, talents, and journey. When you create from your heart
with a loving intention, your work becomes exceptional.
Everyone gains.
Life isnt about what you have and what I do not. Life isnt
about comparison and competition. When we rise above the
external rewards and the personal battlefields of our minds,
we discover the real meaning of it all.

58

Our life is a journey of sharing, caring, and making the world


a better place for everyone. The rest is just extra!

59

Living A Big And Bold Life


If you find yourself comparing yourself to others and
thinking, Oh I wish I had their life or Theyre so lucky look
at what they get to do for a living, its time you get braver
and bolder and figure out a way to do what you really want
to do to make your life better.
What keeps you from taking risks? What stops you from
stepping out of the mundane and going for something that
makes you feel more alive? This doesnt necessary mean
you want a different job. It could mean you want to change
the way you spend your free time or the relationship youre
in.
Today is as good as any to take charge of your life and be
bold. You have nothing to lose.
Living a bold life means being uncomfortable, taking risks,
creative challenges and detours in life. If you want live a
bold life you have to think big and dare to take action to do
things differently.
Each step you take and each change you make will offer you
a lesson, increased confidence and energy, and a life thats
more fun, interesting and meaningful.
This is your life. Take some time to decide. I dare you to
upgrade.
I dare you to take the following steps and invent a
new future for yourself.
Change one thing in your daily routine.

60

Its been said before you cant keep doing the same things
and expect different results. Small steps are always a good
way to begin. For example, get up and go to bed an hour
earlier, eliminate bread and eat more fruit. Save $5 daily.
Take a new route to work. Change the way you wear your
hair. Its the small changes you make 365 days a year that
will add up to big changes.
Introduce yourself to someone bold, someone you
admire.
Choose someone who has bold qualities (daring,
spontaneous, outrageous, brave, and confidence). You will
that notice bold, live-out-loud people, think, talk and do
things differently.
Watch how they never miss an opportunity to introduce
themselves to someone or offer compliments.
I guarantee you they also have a strong hand shake and a
big smile. Bold people are inspiring. They are guilty of being
outrageous, gutsy, and daring. They participate in unique
things. They believe in themselves and they believe in their
dreams.
Bold people can be friends, family, authors, artists,
infopreneurs, bloggers, inventors and engineers. You find
them on TV, the internet, advertisements, books, movies
and videos.
Dont hold back.
Its so easy to pass up opportunities out of fear of rejection.
Ask for the date, give an apology, lend a hand or volunteer.
If you want a referral, ask. If you want help ask. If you want
the job, ask.
61

If you want to try something, dare. People want to know


you, help you and be a friend given the opportunity. Make a
list of things you hold back from. Pay attention to the lost
opportunities when you hold back.
Do one bold thing every day.
Be the first to say hello. Make the cold call. Sign up for a
workshop. Flirt. Attend a new event. Try a new food. Talk to
your boss. Express yourself. Do one fearful and/or out of
your ordinary thing daily. You will build courage and
confidence each step of the way.
Learn something new daily.
America has 16,543 public libraries; each contains a wealth
of resources. You can search any topic online and find
workshops, ecourses, videos, books and magazines. Choose
a topic you are curious about or interested. Learn to paint,
cook or speak a foreign language.
Is there something that would help you in your work that
youve delayed learning? Learning new things keeps us
active, alive, interesting and fun. Learning keeps us younger
and helps prevent memory loss.
Write down everything youve learned in the last six months.
Learning new things will help you change and grow. Bold
living requires keeping your mind open to new opportunities
and new experiences.
Decide what you want for your life.
Create a list of people you want to meet and places you
want to go. List the habits you want to quit and the habits
youd like to gain. List the skills youd like to have and the
methods you need to learn them.
62

Decide on volunteer work youd like to do or how you would


like to give back. List your dreams that have come true and
milestones youd like to reach.
You can record all of these and your progress in a journal on
or off line. There is power in writing things down. It makes it
real!
Keep Your Commitments to Yourself & Others.
Its easy to give up when things get tough, when you dont
see immediate results. Be prepared for moments and days
like this. Dont ever give up on yourself or your bold life.
Write down all of your commitments, both to yourself and
others. In our busy world its easy to forget what we
promised somebody.
Believe in yourself.
Add up your successes over the years. Refer to this list when
you become fearful or lack faith. Trust your gut. Look for
signs. Seek adventure. Gain the support of other bold
people.
Mistakes make you stronger.
You are human you will error. Making mistakes doesnt
mean failure. Not trying at all is failure. Learn from your
mistakes the first time. Then they wont be repeated.
Bold people are not weighted down with fear, worry, ruts
and routines. They know its their responsibility to make
their exciting, meaningful and enjoyablea daring
adventure.

63

The March Of A Dreamer:


Youll Never Be Free From Fear
I really dont remember being a fearful kid. I grew up on a
farm and had a working childhood. As one of 10 children, I
was too busy trying to survive, get my share or get noticed.
Nothing really scared me. I learned how to be tough.
It wasnt until I was in my late 20s and married with children
that I became afraid.
When I was afraid my children would grow up to be
smokers, I decided to quit smoking and become a runner.
When I was afraid my kids would get into trouble, I involved
them in sports and other activities.
When I was afraid of being a bad mother, I read parenting
books and attended parenting classes.
When I was afraid my children were smothering me, I
signed up for art classes and joined a softball team.
When I was afraid we didnt have enough money, I worked
my butt off and started my own flower business.
When I was afraid I was failing in my marriage, I took
responsibility, hired a counselor, and changed.
When I was afraid I wasnt smart enough to attend college, I
signed up for How to Study and Speed Reading.
When I was afraid I wouldnt earn enough money, I got my
masters degree in counseling psychology.
When I was afraid Id always be working for somebody else,
I started my private practice.
When I was afraid I wouldnt have enough clients or money,
I wrote a book.

64

When I was afraid I wouldnt sell my books, I became a


professional speaker.
When I was afraid my grandchildren wouldnt know me, I
scheduled regular play time, I helped with their school
projects and invited them to go on vacation with us.
When I was afraid Id be stuck in cold weather for the rest of
my life, I moved to the Southwest even though my license
to practice psychology wouldnt be valid.
When I was afraid Id never be technical savvy, I started a
blog.
When I was afraid Id never make money, I wrote e-books,
created e-courses and started working as a courage coach.
Now Im afraid of growing old. To counteract my fear I eat
healthy, continue to run and laughter and fun are part of my
daily routine.
I understand that anything can happen. But I believe the
Universe has my back and Ive trained myself to believe the
best is yet to come.
Well always have fear. The best way to overcome your fear
is to make a plan and take action. Thats what Ive done and
will always do.
I encourage you to look at your own life and your past fears.
Youll be surprised at how many youve overcome. Youll be
encouraged to keep marching toward your dreams and to
make the rest of your life the best of your life as well.

65

Life Is A Process
Sometimes its the smallest decisions that can change your
life forever. ~ Keri Russell
Fear is a wellspring for growth. If the thought of quitting a
job, meeting new people, or speaking in public makes you
shake in your shoes, you have found a treasure trove.
These bold living activities are opportunities to change your
life and expand your comfort zone. When you do the things
you fear to do, you send a message to the world that says,
Im ready!
As you act, the universe responds and matches your actions
with support, opportunity and serendipity. The decision to
take action becomes a turning point.
Turning points are the moments you decide to make change
happen. Its the moment you quit your job, join AA, end a
relationship, get married, move to a new location, or get a
degree. Turning points are major transitions that take you
into a new way of life.
One of the biggest turning points in my life was when I
decided to get counseling. I was 27 years old. I was
miserable. I was failing as a wife and mother. I was tired of
being miserable. I knew there had to be a better way.
At the time, I didnt know that one choice would lead to my
own masters degree in counseling psychology and a private
practice. At the time, I didnt realize that the personal
growth I committed to would change my life in every way
imaginable. I only knew I was ready.

66

Dont allow fear to hold you back from the life that you
deserve. Dont allow fear to rob you of your happiness,
passion, and purpose.
Dont fear failure. Youll live through it. If you mess up you
can try again. If you lose your house you can get an
apartment. If you lose your money, you can earn more. If
you lose your friend, you can make another. Its never the
end of the world!
We have resources. We have each other. Remember that
you are brilliant, talented, and worthy. Remember your
purpose and your commitment. Remember that you
are strong and capable.
Life is a miracle from the first breath until the last. Live it.
Life is painful and thrilling and beautiful all at the same
time. Feel it.
Life is precious and challenging and maddening and
wild. Allow it flow.
Life is a risk-filled adventure with no guarantees. Do what
scares you.
Life is swinging emotions and continuous change. Breathe
deeply.
Life is difficult and fleeting and without guarantee. Love
openly.
Life is abundant and expansive. Create a masterpiece.
Life is simple and messy and chaotic and blurred. Don't quit.
Life is lightness and meaning and harmoniously
delightful. Be free.
67

Life is healing and forgiving and transforming for all. Live


from within.
Life is you. Be blessed and fortunate and worthy and
wonderful.
Create your future from your future, not your past. ~
Werner Erhard
Life is simple. Complication is a choice.
A shift in perception can change an ordinary day into an
extraordinary one. One, well thought-out decision can
transform a life. Living boldly doesnt always mean living
loud or living large.
A small brave and courageous move can transform your
world in a significant way. With one bold step at a time you
can be happy and live in peace.
We dont know what tomorrow will bring. Or the next minute
for that matter! Make your changes. Do it your way. You are
responsible for the quantity and the quality of your life.
Keep moving in the direction of your best life. Go after it
with all of the gusto you can muster. Believe you can do
anything and watch what happens. Never back down. Never
quit. Ill be cheering for you!

Tess Marshall
The Bold Life

68