Childrens Needs Should Come First

Mark Hyman is a sports journalist and the author of "Until It Hurts: America's Obsession
With Youth Sports and How It Harms Our Kids."
Accessed April 30 2013 http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/08/02/are-olympicparents-supportive-or-overbearing/olympic-parents-childrens-needs-should-come-first
The United States Olympic team comprises 529 athletes, and its difficult to generalize about
who they are. They represent 25 sports. They come from 44 states. The tallest is 7-foot-1. The
shortest is 4-foot-11. Theres a 15-year-old swimmer and an equestrian athlete who could be
her grandmother.
The parents of these athletes are equally diverse. No doubt, many are perfectly wonderful.
For years, theyve shouldered the responsibilities of sports parenthood without complaint or
expectation. Some go to Olympic venues where their children are competing and hold their
emotions completely in check. Others like Lynn and Rick Raisman, parents of the gymnast
Aly Raisman, dont even try. The last time I checked, video of the Raismans synchronized
squirming had passed 100,000 views on YouTube.
As parents, we make a horrible mistake when we confuse our ambitions with what kids truly
want and need from sports.
Exuberant parents arent the problem in youth sports. Overzealous, overly ambitious parents
are. Undoubtedly, they are part of the U.S. delegation too. As parents, we make a horrible
mistake when we confuse our ambitions with what kids truly want and need from sports. Ive
been writing about the issue for years yet Im still taken aback by some of the stories. A noted
orthopedic surgeon in Los Angeles who operates on the damaged elbows and shoulders of
youth pitchers once told me of a recurring conversation he has with patients. A young person
confides that he does not want an operation and would prefer to quit his sport. But hes stuck.
I dont know what to do because I dont want to disappoint my parents. Its so important to
my dad.
Extreme Olympic parenting has been well documented. In her classic book "Little Girls in
Pretty Boxes," Joan Ryan exposed the culture of excessive, often abusive, training including
the story of a 14-year-old gymnast who suffered a broken wrist in the gym. Rather than take a
break, she dulled the pain each day with prescription drugs and a dozen Advil. Subtract the
parallel bars and it sounds like child abuse.
All the more reason to celebrate parents who keep things in perspective -- even if they dont
always stay in their seats.

A Strong Family Was the Key to Victory

Sarah Hughes won the gold medal in women's figure skating at the 2002 winter Olympics. A
graduate of Yale University, she is writing her first book and blogging at the Olympics in
London. She is on Twitter.
Accessed April 30 2013 http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/08/02/are-olympicparents-supportive-or-overbearing/ a-strong-family-was-the-key-to-victory
I started skating when I was 3 years old, standard for kids growing up in Canada, my fathers
birthplace. Competing in the Olympic Games had been a dream of mine from the beginning,
but being one of six children, skating was not the most important aspect of my or my
familys life.
My parents were not willing to separate me from my family or take me out of my local public
school to accomplish my dreams. If I was going to make it in skating, I was going to do it by
being a functional family member and following the same rules as my brothers and sisters.
And this suited me just fine one house, one school, one community, one rink provided a
very stable and productive environment.
I made it by being a functional family member in a productive environment -- one house, one
school, one community, one rink.
When I was 12 years old, my mother was hospitalized with breast cancer. I was on the way to
making my first national team. The thrill of seeing my excitement at each stage of qualifying
gave her strength through many rounds of chemotherapy. On days she was too weak to walk
down the hospital corridor, she would think, I have to make it through. I have to be there for
my kids. My mom was able to leave the hospital to come to Philadelphia from New York to
watch me win the Junior Ladies title. That day I was skating for more than just the judges.
The stability instilled in my life by my parents made all the difference when I performed in
Salt Lake City on skatings grandest stage. When I stood atop the Olympic podium five
months after 9/11 in my home country I was able to share more than just my skating
experience with the same people who were with me all along. My younger sister, Emily, who
competed in the 2006 Olympic Games, was raised in the same stable, supportive
environment. We are among the lucky ones whose journeys are family affairs.
It is no surprise to me that the comment heard most this week in interviews with our Olympic
athletes in London, whether medal winners or not, is that their greatest joy comes from
sharing the experience with their parents and loved ones. That will also be their greatest
memory.

Parents Can, and Want to, Keep Life

Balanced
Joel Fish, a sport psychologist, is the author of "101 Ways To Be A Terrific Sports Parent." He
is the director of the Center for Sport Psychology in Philadelphia.
Accessed April 30 2013 http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/08/02/are-olympicparents-supportive-or-overbearing/ olympic-moms-and-dads-parents-can-and-want-to-keeplife-balanced
The vast majority of parents of Olympic-level and elite athletes are very well intentioned. The
most difficult decisions for them are how to provide their children with all the resources to
help them reach their full potentials while helping them be well-rounded individuals with a
variety of interests.
Be ready to adjust to the ways children change and make sure they are enjoying a wide range
of activities.
Some basic points for parents of Olympic-level and elite athletes to keep in mind:
More isnt always better. More practices, games, travel teams, arent necessarily a good
thing for motivation and skill development.
Even for Olympic-level talents, playing a variety of sports through high school, as opposed
to specializing in one sport, helps develop coordination and social networks, and decreases
the chances of burnout
Star athletes change. The time commitment to the sport needs to make sense for who they
are today, not who they were last year, or who you think they may be next year
Try to get an objective opinion from another parent whether your actions are supporting
your talented son/daughter, or are putting too much pressure on the child.
With all the pressures on superstar athletes that come from coaches, other athletes, fans and
the news media, parents still are the biggest influence on an athletes attitudes about winning,
losing, success, failure and competition.
Parents of star athletes need to look for stress symptoms in their children, like multiple
injuries without medical evidence, or personality changes -- My child just isnt himself (or
herself) anymore. Some great athletes will tell you that they are in over their heads with
their sport, whereas others will internalize these feelings and show them through their actions
and behavior.
Along with athletic talent and potential come special challenges. There is a great opportunity
for parents to help teach their star children about handling pressure when performing.
Help them look for signals that their bodies are starting to feel stress. Help them find things to
say or do to help calm themselves down. Ask them how you can be helpful. And, most
important, see how your words and actions can show how proud you are of them, and how
much you love them whether they win or lose.

Your Competitive Drive Vs. Your Childs

Judi Brown Clarke, a silver medalist in the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics, is the director of
diversity at the Beacon Center for the Study of Evolution in Action.
Accessed April 30 2013 http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/08/02/are-olympicparents-supportive-or-overbearing /olympic-athletes-and-their-parents-your-competitivedrive-vs-your-childs
There can be a fine line between supporting your childs athletic opportunities and actively
driving the process.
What matters is that your child finds joy in a good effort and realizes the importance of
ethical principles.
As an Olympic silver medalist, former professional coach and parent of children in sports, I
am very conscious of where that line is, and where I am in respect to that line. I have to
constantly ensure I am not projecting my intense competitive drive onto my children, and that
I am letting them develop and mature their own motivations.
I often see sports-minded parents limiting their children's opportunities to have unorganized
playtime. As soon as their child displays a potential of talent, the child is immediately placed
in a structured team and becomes overly programmed. There is beauty in watching a child
develop a love for sports and building skills and character in ways that create invaluable tools
for life.
Competition provides a wonderful imitation of life, but unfortunately involves high levels of
scrutiny, and important consequences. Children that learn effective coping skills, like
resilience and tenacity, can navigate lifes challenges.
The best way to inspire and support a childs Olympic ambitions is to ensure they find the joy
of a quality effort, and the importance of being a good example and respecting ethical
principles.