A Bird in the Hand

An original screenplay by

Michael J.S.Cox

303-2616 West Broadway

Vancouver, BC V6K 2G3
Tel: 604-222-2650
Email: mjscox@gmail.com

WGA(w) reg.# 892221

EXT. SPARTREE LAKE - DAWN

Only the most optimistic local booster could call this round
pond a lake. Its shallow, its got small trees and lily pads
choking it, and only the middle is clear enough for swimming-if you could get out to it.
The forest that surrounds the lake is old, original growth.
Two men walk along a trail that surrounds the pond. One man,
RUFUS, is all chest and paunch, a short sman with wavy, blowdried hair, full of himself.
The other is tall and gaunt, GROSBEAK. Theyre both dressed
in hunters camouflage and carry shotguns and duck bags.
RUFUS
(pointing)
This is the nicer view, I think.
Once we get rid of the trees.
GROSBEAK
Yeah, but you got less of a slope
over that side. Plus, its closer
to the highway. We save ten,
fifteen grand putting in the road,
plus theres the utilities.
A small white dog runs between the men, barking at
butterflies.
RUFUS
Will you shut up? Youre gonna
scare away the ducks. Hes nothing
but trouble, that dog.
They reach an opening, a small gravel beach. Rufus reaches
into a bush and retrieves two DECOYS. He chucks the paintflaked decoys into the still water.
RUFUS
(to the dog)
Take one of those out into the
middle of the pond. Go on.
The dog tests the water with one paw. Whimpers. Looks back up
at the men. Theyre loading the shotguns.
The dog grabs a decoy in its mouth and swims through the
lilies to the middle of the lake.
CARD: A WEEK AGO, AND FIVE THOUSAND MILES AWAY...

2.

EXT. AMAZON JUNGLE - DAY

A long, narrow brown river snakes through endless jungle.
EXT. TREETOPS
High above the jungle floor. A strange, exotic VINE
corkscrews around the other trees. It has brilliant flowers
that open like clams, and inside are fat, red SEEDS.
One of the flowers opens slowly, seductively.
A small black and grey bird with a rust-colored belly, a
NUTHATCH, steps tentatively toward the flower. Call him
SMILEY.
A nylon fishing line is tied to one of his legs.
A yellow FINCH works another flower nearby, also with a line
tied to one leg.
Timing his approach, Smiley dashes into the flower and
gathers several seeds in his beak. Behind him, the flower
trembles, the bird leaps out a second before the flower snaps
shut.
Smileys leg is jerked downward. He tries to fly against the
tug, but hes pulled down through the forest canopy.
EXT. JUNGLE FLOOR
A young INDIAN BOY watches a tired old man, PEDRO, reel in
the filament.
PEDRO
(in Spanish, subtitled)
Madre Dio! You lazy bird!
(turning to his son)
This is why we are so poor. I curse
the day I trapped that Nuthatch.
What a poor excuse for a bird!
He grabs the overworked Nuthatch and squeezes its head,
forcing it to spit the seeds into his hand.
Pedro counts each seed carefully, dropping them in a tiny
leather SACK his son holds open.
Further along, another Indian works the Finch the same way.

3.

PEDRO
Get back to work!
He releases Smiley. As he returns to the treetop, the boy
lets out the line.
BOY
Father, if the Papagallo Vine is so
sacred, why do we take its seeds?
PEDRO
To make medicine.
BOY
What kind of medicine?
PEDRO
The kind that will do us no good.
The boy ties the purse tight with a metal tag that reads,
BIOMEX PHARMACEUTICALS.
EXT. TREETOPS
Smiley and the Finch fly around a vine several times,
tangling their nylon filaments. The lines are jerked from
below while the birds settle on a vine and relax.
PEDRO (O.S.)
Hes tangled it again!
Both birds sip nectar from a flower, workers on a stolen
break. Smiley looks to the left and then right.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Tonights the night.
EXT. JUNGLE COMPOUND - DUSK
Floodlights illuminate several rough built shacks, a larger
cabin with an extended roof over a porch, and a small, locked
STORAGE SHED.
Ten men, each holding a bird and their small seed satchels,
Pedro and his son among them, wait in a line while a
perspiring white man, VIREO, weighs each harvest. He chews a
toothpick.
A fierce Peregrine Falcon, MACDUFF, perches on a post in the
middle of the compound. A black eye patch covers one eye.
SIGN below: Do Not Feed!

4.

Behind the storage shed a worker hacks at a thick Papagallo

Vine which rings with each hit, and then his blade snaps.
VIREO
Drop one seed and look what
happens! The next fool that loses a
seed will have Macduff to answer
to!
(looks at the scale)
Seven grams.
Vireo counts out seven U.S. dollars and pays an old man
holding a Toucan. Pedro is next.
VIREO
Three grams.
(looks up at Pedro)
Why is it you always have the
lightest harvest?
PEDRO
My bird, sir, is devious and lazy.
VIREO
Perhaps it needs a little
persuasion.
Macduff screeches. Smiley cringes as Vireo grabs him, opens
his beak, checks under the wings. At that moment, the Finch,
next in line, starts chirping. All the birds join in.
VIREO
Whats got into them?
As Vireo and the others look around, the Nuthatch picks up a
toothpick from the table and hides it under his wing.
Vireo grabs the bird and passes it to Pedro.
PEDRO
I dont wish to make trouble,
seor, but you promised to leave
some Papagallo untouched, for our
spiritual use.
Pedro locks him up with the other birds in a large CAGE.
VIREO
Whats the problem? Papagallo grows
like a weed. Look at these blasted
vines.

5.
VIREO (cont'd)
If I could harvest these any other
way, you think Id be down here
working with a bunch of good-fornothing birds?
(examines the seed)
The fastest growing vine in the
world. A miracle plant. Do you have
any idea what one of these seeds is
worth?
The men lean forward.
VIREO
Its worth what I pay you.
PEDRO
But, seor, in our culture we dont
grow the vine, because as you can
see, it would take over.
He points up.
PEDRO
It grows above. Papagallo is a
plant for God, not people. Our
culture-VIREO
Heres your culture, Pedro.
He hands the peasant three dollars.
THE MOON
rises over the forest. Bugs buzz the lights. Monkees screech-night in the jungle is anything but quiet.
EXT. JUNGLE COMPOUND - NIGHT
Smiley opens an eye.
Macduff sleeps on his perch. The other birds appear to be
asleep.
Smiley wields the toothpick in his beak to work at the lock
on their cage.
The cage door squeaks open. Smiley freezes. Macduff doesnt
move. The birds escape and disappear into the night.

6.

VARIOUS BIRDS
(whispering)
Good luck. See ya. Not if I see you
first. See ya up north.
The Finch flies out, but lands next to the Nuthatch, sitting
on the cage.
FINCH
What are you waiting for!
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I lost everyone last winter, flying
down here. Parents, brothers and
sisters. I have no home.
FINCH
Nobody said it was easy being
migratory. But thats what we do.
(taps his head)
You cant fight instinct.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
What if we all stayed up north,
year-round?
FINCH
Wed freeze to death. No berries,
no seeds, grounds covered in snow.
You gonna depend on bird feeders,
on the kindness of strangers?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Ive been giving this a lot of
thought. We could bring the jungle
back with us.
FINCH
What are you, nuts?
Finch takes off.
Smiley lands on a FUEL TANK. He punches a hole in the tank
with his beak. Gas dribbles and spreads across the hard
ground.
He stands in the pool of gas and strikes his beak against the
tank, back and forth, strike after strike. Once or twice, he
makes a tiny SPARK. Again and again.
In the center of the compound, Macduff shifts on his perch
and opens his one good eye.

7.

WHOOMP! A fireball flares up behind the cabin. Flames lick up

the side of the storage shack.
Macduff SCREECHES. Flames boil up the cabin and spread
quickly.
Peasants run outside, in varying states of undress. Vireo
throws open his cabin door.
VIREO
The seeds! Rescue the seeds!
Vireo fumbles with the padlocked door on the storage shed.
Macduff uses his vicious beak to cut his leather leash.
VIREO
(to Macduff)
Youre supposed to guard this
place. Im holding you responsible!
PEDRO
God is angry with us for taking
Papagallo from the jungle!
VIREO
Get out of my way!
Vireo pushes Pedro and opens the shed. He doesnt notice the
Nuthatch which darts in, between his legs.
VIREO
Give me a hand, idiot!
Here.

PEDRO

Pedro delivers a solid punch to the jaw -- Vireo drops.

INT. STORAGE SHED - NIGHT
Smiley pecks at one of the small collection satchels.
MACDUFF
I know you started this, Nuthatch!
Im going to rip your beak off and
stuff it down your throat!
Macduff spots the tiny bird dragging one of the satchels
toward the door. Macduff swoops, talons extended.
The shed collapses in flames.

8.

EXT. AERIAL - JUNGLE - NIGHT

A rapidly expanding FIREBALL rises from the jungle.
Smiley flaps madly, trying to gain altitude, while he carries
one of the tiny satchels in his claws. Smoke spirals from his
wing tips.
The blazing compound becomes a small circle of fire in the
dark jungle behind the little bird.
MAIN TITLES
EXT. AERIAL - MONTAGE
Smiley in flight, through rain and sleet, pushing for every
inch of headway into gale force winds, across sun-bleached
desert, still carrying the small satchel.
A green line on a MAP tracks his flight from Brazil to the
Pacific Northwest.
EXT. SPARTREE LAKE - DAWN
Dragonflies hover over the pond. The worn decoys bob
stupidly, fooling no one.
RUFUS
Lifes great, isnt it? You build a
million dollar golf course, and I
make good on my election platform.
GROSBEAK
Youre gonna win by a landslide.
RUFUS
Thats because Im the only one
running for mayor.
GROSBEAK
Even so. Heres to another four
years.
The men drink beer. A couple of cans have already been tossed
toward the bushes. The white dog, GUY, dries himself at their
feet.

9.

RUFUS
Remember fishing here, when we were
kids? I think I caught the last
one.
GROSBEAK
Its nothing but a bug infested
swamp, Rufus. Were gonna make a
nice, clean lake. Kids can dive for
golf balls.
RUFUS
Wont be the same.
GROSBEAK
Thats right. Neither will we,
after weve sold a membership to
everyone in town.
The sound of GEESE honking, distant.
EXT. AERIAL - DAWN
The camera soars above salmon-colored clouds, looking down at
an undulating patchwork of orderly tree plantations and clearcut, barren mountains.
PAPA
Spartree, this is flight wing Papa
heavy, 030 inbound, altitude
fifteen hundred.
We glide over SPARTREE, a small town nestled at the dead end
of a valley. A SAWMILL at one end, and a green pocket of
ancient forest at the other end, around the tiny lake.
A slender BLACK object slides below us. It grows in size to
include a larger grey and white, feathered, body.
It is the outstretched neck of a Canada Goose, PAPA, the lead
goose in a ragged V-formation of a hundred geese.
PAPA
Beginning descent to final
approach. Were VFR all the way.
(he looks back)
Kimberly, take the lead.
Papa banks hard left from the head of the formation and soars
back, toward a grey goose at the tail end.
GRAMPS is hard-pressed to keep up.

10.

PAPA
Howre you doing, pop?
GRAMPS
This is my last migration, son.
Papa lines up expertly next to him.
PAPA
Nonsense. Youre the strongest
flier in the family!
GRAMPS
My back is killing me.
Papa flies over top of Gramps. Theres a LUMP underneath the
older gooses back feathers.
Manoeuvering over him, Papa lowers his legs and lifts the
older gooses back feathers.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Hey! Whats the big idea!
Smiley reclines on top of Gramps, using the seed satchel as a
pillow.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Its cold up here!
He yanks the gooses feathers back over himself.
GRAMPS
What is it, a tumor?
PAPA
Tumors dont talk. Its a bum
hitching a ride.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I;m not a bum! Im a Red-Breasted
Nuthatch!
PAPA
Why dont you travel with your own
kind, Nuthatch?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I missed the migration. And Ive
got luggage.
Smiley looks over the old gooses head.

11.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
Cant you fly any faster?
GRAMPS
Im not taking you one more mile-SMILEY NUTHATCH
You carried me three thousand
miles, whats a few hundred-BOOM! BOOM! Grey clouds EXPLODE ahead of the geese.
GRAMPS
The lake! Its a trap, son!
Papa HONKS loudly.
PAPA
Flack! Flack! Evasive action!
The V-formation breaks apart with a lot of panicked HONKING.
GRAMPS
Get lost, Nuthatch.
SHOT whistles past Gramps. He rolls, flipping the Nuthatch
off his back.
EXT. THE LAKE - SAME
Rufus takes aim. Guy BARKS as the gun fires. The top of a
tree falls off.
RUFUS
How many times do I have to tell
you, dont do that!
EXT. AERIAL - OVER THE LAKE
A death-cloud of pellets zing past the Nuthatch. In the
distance, a goose spirals toward the lake.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Pick on somebody your own size!
PAPA appears momentarily next to him.
PAPA
Drop your luggage! Get above the
clouds!

12.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
I didnt carry it this far just to-BOOM! Smiley drops his satchel.
Without the extra weight he rockets upward, into cloud. Its
grey, its cold, he cant see a damn thing.
He comes out above the cloud, upside down.
He looks up, through a hole in the cloud, at the lake far
below, then rolls right way around and dives through
panicked geese.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
My seeds! Look out! Get out of my
way!
He flies straight down, terminal velocity.
EXT. THE LAKE - SAME
A WHISTLING SOUND, like a small bomb. Grosbeak and Rufus look
up. A tiny PLIP! in the middle of the lake.
GROSBEAK
Finally! Got one!
Rufus aims. Another bark from GUY.
RUFU
God damn it Guy! Get the bird! Guy,
fetch! Make yourself useful!
Guy goes to the lake, sticks a paw in and WHINES.
RUFUS
Dont be such a wuss.
Guy starts to swim toward the middle of the lake.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE
Smiley surfaces and squirts water from his beak, paddling
aimlessly. He spots his luggage floating nearby.
He folds his wings over the buoyant sack and catches his
breath. The honks of the geese fade away.
Guy doggy-paddles toward him.

13.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
Ah! Good! Over here! Attaboy.
The dog circles the bird.
GUY
(French accent)
Youre a petite canard. Or you are
a baby goose, maybe I think.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
(squirts water)
Im not a goose!
(he peeps like a bird)
Does that sound like a goose?
ON THE SHORE
Shell casings scrunch underfoot as Rufus paces the shoreline.
RUFUS
Look at him out there. I wanted a
retriever, a water dog. But no, she
has to get a...Bichon-Frapp, or
whatever the hell he is.
GROSBEAK
Still remodelling?
RUFUS
You know, you give them everything,
a house, satellite tv, the use of
the truck...Shes got her mind made
up. What else can I do? I cant
have a scandal before the election.
GROSBEAK
Nice of her to think of the
politics of it.
RUFUS
Nice aint the word for it.
ON THE WATER
Guy circles Smiley. The bird is barely afloat.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Hey, fella. Could you get past the
goose thing and help me out?

14.

GUY
Its Guy, and thats pronounced
Ghee - not Guy. That man there,
the fat one on the shore? Hes my
master? All these year, he still
dont know how to say my name. He
mistake me for someone who love the
hunt. I dont love the hunt. I
dont care for this. I dont even
like getting wet.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Guy, sorry, Ghee- Im drowning
out here. And, grab my bag will
you?
Guy opens his mouth and engulfs the bird.
DARKNESS. SLOSHING of water.
ON THE SHORE
UPSIDE DOWN POV: Rufus holds something at arms length.
GROSBEAK
Nice shooting.
RUFUS
What is this? What the hell is
this, Guy? I bag a goose, you
retrieve a robin?
The tiny Nuthatch, held by its legs. Water drains out its
beak.
GROSBEAK
I think its a Nuthatch.
RUFUS
Oh, yeah? Well its a heck of a
sorry looking bird.
GROSBEAK
Im going to work. See you later.
Rufus drops the bird. Guy picks it up, takes it gently in his
mouth.
RUFUS
Leave it, Guy. Its dead.
Guy trots behind the men, his fluffy white tail wagging.

15.

INT. AMANDAS STUDIO - DAY

AMANDA, early thirties, hair tied back loosely, a backcountry bohemian, she rarely wears makeup, and doesnt need
it. Wears a paint-stained sweatshirt and jeans, which dont
disguise an attractive figure.
AMANDA
Good boy. Go on, now. Out you go.
Guy barks and looks up at her.
Smiley lies on a bed of moss in a cigar box near an open
window.
Amanda prepares tubes of acrylic paint.
AMANDA
I cant believe I married the kind
of man that would shoot a tiny
thing like that.
INSIDE THE BOX
Smiley grunts painfully as he gets up and peeks over the side
of the box.
The studio, a converted garage, has dozens of dusty, abstract
paintings, and a few semi-realistic wildlife paintings.
Smiley climbs out of the cigar box and topples backward out
the window.
EXT. AMANDAS GARDEN - DAY
An English garden, a riotous mixture of shrubs and
wildflowers, with a compost bin and VEGETABLE PLOT.
Smiley wanders in a dizzy circle beneath the window near a
HOLE.
INT. RABBIT HOLE - DAY
A shaft of daylight from above. Were in a small cavern.
THREE RABBITS stand in a semi-circle. One of them, LUCKY,
points to a crude MAP drawn on the wall.
LUCKY
Rosebush. Compost. Carrots.

16.

The other two rub their forepaws and nod. THUMP! They turn as
one. Smiley lands in the middle of the conspirators.
EXT. AMANDAS GARDEN - DAY
Amanda searches for the bird under her studio window.
AMANDA
Whered it go? I hope its all
right.
Dozens of bird feeders hang from trees or are mounted on
posts. A small FOUNTAIN plays a constant light mist over a
BIRD BATH. Robins dig up worms. Hummingbirds dip into
flowers.
The garden is narrow, once part of a larger property. Amanda
looks over the back fence.
The odd thing about this fence is that it not only bisects
one large garden, it runs smack into the middle of a house.
The other half of the garden has a pile of lumber, a cement
mixer with a dried mound of cement, bits and pieces of
renovation materials scattered on dying grass and weeds.
DAHLIA (O.S.)
That fence is all that separates
civilization from barbarism.
In the back lane, a barge of a woman, middle-aged, steps off
a bicycle. Binoculars hang around her neck. Always.
DAHLIA
Good morning, Amanda. What are you
looking for?
AMANDA
Im trying to find a little bird.
DAHLIA
A little bird. That narrows it
down. Amanda, dearest. Ill excuse
you this time. But honestly. If
youre going to join the Valley
Birders, youll have to start
learning the nomenclature. Even if
you dont know what type of bird it
is, you can describe it.
Dahlia leans her bike on the gate.

17.

AMANDA
Okay, okay. Blue-grey upper, a rustred belly, with a black, um...
She touches the top of her head.
Crown.

DAHLIA

AMANDA
Crown. And its beak was sort of...
She tilts her head up.
DAHLIA
Very good. It sounds like Sitta
Canadensis. Red-breasted Nuthatch.
Amanda unreels a hose and waters the vegetable patch.
DAHLIA
Im off to pick up the campaign
posters. Youll be at the meeting
tonight, of course.
Uh-huh.

AMANDA

DAHLIA
Oh, here. I received two of these
in the mail.
AMANDA
What is it?
Dahlia hands her a small red, cylindrical object made of
wood. Amanda leaves the hose running among the vegetables.
DAHLIA
Twist it like this. Its
but it works.

a toy,

Dahlia turns it. It squeaks. In the hands of an expert, it

sounds remarkably like a bird.
AMANDA
What am I supposed to do with it?
Dahlia bicycles down the lane.
DAHLIA
Speak to the birds, of course!

18.

Amanda twists the thing. It CHIRPS. Above her, one Robin

looks to another and shakes its head.
INT. RABBIT HOLE - DAY
The shaft of light blinds Smiley. Lucky steps forward from
the shadows.
LUCKY
You dropped in the wrong tunnel at
the wrong time, bird.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
This could be a nice hole if you
opened it up.
LUCKY
What am I going to do with you...
The cavern SHUDDERS. A breeze become a ROARING WIND. The
other two rabbits start hopping up and down.
LUCKY
Forget what you saw, Feathers, if
you know whats good for you!
A WALL OF WATER thunders toward them. The three rabbits take
off down another tunnel.
EXT. RUFUSS BACKYARD - DAY
Guys wagging white tail, as he digs a hole. Next to the hole
is Smileys tiny satchel.
Guy jumps back as a GEYSER erupts with Smiley on top of it.
On the other side of the fence, Amanda waters another area of
her garden. The geyser subsides and Smiley drops back down.
Guy sniffs the hole.
EXT. AMANDAS GARDEN - DAY
A BEET trembles. Smiley POPS up from under the beet, covered
in mud.
Amanda stares at him, then pulls the bird caller out and
twists it.
Smiley flaps his wings but he cant shake off the wet dirt.

19.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
(the standard nuthatch
distress call)
Yank! Yank! Yank!
Amanda slowly, gently puts her hand, palm up, next to him. He
looks up at her.
AMANDA
Its all right.
He steps onto her hand.
A BARN SWALLOW preens herself in the BIRD BATH. Amanda places
her hand next to the bath. Smiley steps off. Amanda backs
away.
SWALLOW
Do you mind? Can I have a little
privacy?
Smiley turns his back on the bathing beauty.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Take your time, sister. The mud
does wonders for my feathers. Ill
just let it bake on.
Swallow stares at him.
SWALLOW
Long flight?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
The wrong flight. Canada Geese.
Ever fly with them? You could
follow the green streak they left
across the country.
She cleans her belly. Her upside-down view as Smiley lands on
the edge of the bath.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
And they lost my luggage.
SWALLOW
Oh, come on. No bird carries
luggage.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I do. Or, did. Its somewhere
around here. That dog knows.

20.

IN THE GARDEN
Amanda glances at the birds. All she can hear is the birds
CHIRPING at one another. Thats all any human hears, when the
birds converse.
THE BIRD BATH
Swallow wiggles her forked tail feathers to dry them.
SWALLOW
What did you bring?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
A spare beak and a change of
feathers.
SWALLOW
Youre funny.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
After what Ive been through, the
funny thing is Im still alive.
SWALLOW
All dry. Your turn.
Smiley tests the water with one claw and settles in, bum
first.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Oooh... Ahhh...So anyway, Im new
in town, dont know any bird. Maybe
youd like to show me around. Is
there a place where we can get some
fermented berries?
Swallow shakes her head and flies away.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Huh, what did I say?
He dips under water, where the sounds are deadened.
Smiley looks up. Clouds, leaves, birdsong.
Dips his head again. Mud runs off his feathers. He lies on
his back, drifting around in a small circle.
He doesnt noitce the other birds have gone ominously quiet.

21.

INT. AMANDAS STUDIO - DAY

Amanda concentrates, painting an owl and a barn.
AMANDA
I hate realism!
But she persists in detailing the owls feathers, using a
stuffed owl as a reference.
EXT. AMANDAS GARDEN
A very FAT CAT patrols the top of the fence running between
the two backyards. GUY barks and rushes the fence. The cat
hisses and arches its back. Guy busies himself elsewhere but
keeps an eye on it.
Smiley floats on his back, oblivious, HUMMING tunelessly.
ROBINS drop worms and scatter, as the cat creeps across the
lawn.
Smileys legs rest on the edge of the birdbath. As he stares
at the sky-The fat cats face fills the view.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Oooh. Big fella. Kitty-cat. Nice
kitty.
The cats vertial slit eyes widen into black holes.
Absolute silence. In the trees, every bird watches, thankful
its not them.
The tubby Nuthatch does a backward somersault off the bath.
EXT. AERIAL - BACKYARDS - DAY
Its top gun aerobatics, as Smiley banks, hard left, to
parallel the FENCE. At the last moment, he cuts hard right
and slips through two slats-SLAM! Something behind him hits it hard.
Smiley whips past GUY, digging another hole. The small seed
SATCHEL is next to the dog, but Smiley doesnt notice as he
flashes past, WHISTLING to get the dogs attention.

22.

Guy looks up. The fat cat is surprisingly agile, leaping over
the fence, in front of the dog. Guy barks and gives chase.
Birds cheer them on. Bets being wagered with worms. Two ALLEY
CATS on the back fence follow it like a tennis game.
The three of them circle the yard. Smiley, dripping wet,
flies in a circle, unable to get high enough to escape.
The bird, the cat and the dog pass the hole as the satchel is
dragged down by a fluffy white rabbits foot.
Smiley lands on the fence, out of breath.
The cat, all fifteen pounds, is AIRBORNE, claws extended.
Smiley rockets at ground level toward the STUDIO. At the last
second he realizes hes boxed in by bushes on one side and
the fence on the other. He flares-INT. AMANDAS STUDIO
And splats against the window, which swings inward.
Amanda stares at the bird, flattened on the glass. The cat
leaps in and skids across the table, scattering drawings and
photos.
AMANDA
What are you doing! Get out of
here!
Smiley pulls himself free of the glass, but he flies INTO the
studio.
Cat and bird whip past her wet painting, scattering brushes,
knocking things over.
Smiley aims for the garden and -- CRASHES into another pane
of glass and bounces off, stunned.
Amanda tries to grab the cats tail, but it swings
gymnastically around one of the table legs to avoid her.
AMANDA
Youre wrecking my studio!
Smiley flaps uselessly against the window. He looks back.
The cat squishes an open tube of GLUE as it runs across the
bench.

23.

Smiley flies INTO the wet owl painting. His beak pokes a
hole in the canvas, into the barn, painted VERMILION RED.
Smiley pulls himself free. A smear of red paint extends back
from both sides of his beak.
He lands on the bench and gets STUCK in the seeping glue. As
he tries to free himself, the cat jumps up.
Smileys wings flap so fast they blow papers across the table
into the cats face, momentarily startling it. But he cant
break free of the glue.
The cats CLAWS extend, flick-flick-flick, Swiss Army talons.
No!

AMANDA

As Amanda lunges for the cat, the cat POUNCES-Smiley, his wings a blur -- flies straight up into a white
and blue FEATHER DUSTER hanging overhead.
EXT. RUFUSS BACKYARD - DAY
A black 4 x 4 pickup pulls into the yard from the lane. Rufus
gets out, carrying his shotgun. Amanda SHRIEKS.
RUFUS
(looks over the fence)
Amanda! You okay?
Rufus is spun like a top by a STREAKING FLASH of long, white
and blue feathers.
RUFUS
What the hell?
Amanda, on her side of the fence, and Rufus on his, look in
the direction it flew.
EXT. WALDEN STREET - DAY
Dahlia bicycles along a quiet street, the basket filled with
rolled POSTERS. Her binoculars rock gently against her bosom.
She hears the typical Nuthatch call: Yank--Yank--Yank!

24.

DAHLIA
Nuthatch again.
She cant be bothered to look for it. A blue feather drifts
in front of her. She picks it up. Snaps her binoculars
skyward, scans.
BINOCULAR POV
The binocular finds Smiley as he climbs a telephone pole,
trailing long white and blue tail feathers like a miniature
peacock. Or a feather duster with legs. The red streak on
either side of his beak is iridescent in the sun.
DAHLIA
What on earth?
Dahlia lowers the binoculars, looks around, a bird watcher
whos just made a major sighting.
IRIS OUT TO
an old Audubon painting of an extinct bird.
INT. DAHLIAS HOME - EVENING
Amanda has the big Audubon volume open, on her lap. She sits
by herself in a wing chair.
The warm light of a summer evening. Overstuffed chairs, lace
doilies, and a claustrophobic collection of BIRD KITSCH.
Various and mostly older BIRDERS mingle.
Amanda is the youngest member, by far.
An elderly man, SIMMONDS, unrolls one of the posters. Its a
painting of a Canary, perched on a golf tee. Birds, not
Balls is printed across the poster.
DAHLIA
These are wonderful, Mandy. Youd
never know from your other
paintings. Youre really onto
something. So life-like.
Amanda smiles politely.
SIMMONDS
Now this is what I call real art.

25.

Amanda slumps further. Dahlia looks over the back of the

chair.
DAHLIA
Thats a wonderful book, but its
not as useful for learning modern
species. Sadly, many of the birds
Audubon painted are extinct.
She takes the Audubon book. Flips through it.
DAHLIA
(quietly)
Can you stay here, after the
meeting? Good.
(claps her hands)
Thank you everybody, you have the
posters, youve got your assigned
streets. Well get the bastard!
(to Amanda)
Sorry, dear.
AMANDA
He has it coming.
The others drift out, saying good-night, good-luck, etc.
DAHLIA
Good night. Good-bye, love. Thank
you. Dont forget your hat.
Soon, Dahlia and Amanda are alone.
DAHLIA
If you could put your talents to
work again?
Sure.

AMANDA

DAHLIA
Remember this?
AMANDA
Red-Breasted Nuthatch.
DAHLIA
Very good. But...
She flips several pages. To a small, tubby bird with long,
greenish-blue tail feathers. Somewhat like a Nuthatch.

26.

DAHLIA
I sighted it, this afternoon, not
far from your house. In all my
years of birding, Ive never seen
anything like it.
Amandas about to say something.
AMANDA
A bird flew into my studio today-DAHLIA
Yes, dear. This is big, Amanda.
Really big. Its always been my
dream to see a rare bird. If we
have what I think we have, here in
Spartree, well...the Valley
Birders Club will be the talk of
the country.
Amanda stares at the Audubon painting.
AMANDA
Could a rare bird stop the golf
course?
DAHLIA
Like a snail stopped a dam. Like
the spotted owl stopped clear-cuts
on the coast. Like that!
Dahlia slaps the book shut.
INT. AMANDAS STUDIO - NIGHT
A couple of bird books are open on the bench. Amanda works at
an easel, but we cant see what shes drawing.
DAHLIA (V.O.)
It could be an entirely
undiscovered species.
Amanda stares out the window. Shes reflected in the GLASS.
Above her, also reflected in window-the white and blue feather duster.
INT. RUFUSS DEN - NIGHT
One interior wall is unfinished framing, with plastic sheets
dividing it from the rest of the house.

27.

A MICROWAVE and a TOASTER OVEN on top of the stereo. Empty

frozen dinner package on counter. Beer cans.
Rufus snores in a Barcalounger. Guy sleeps next to him, on
the floor, the Spartree Leader-Post-Times like a blanket
over the dog. The headline reads: MAYOR PROMISES NO
UNEMPLOYMENT!
EXT. TALL TREE - NIGHT
Smiley wrestles with his new tail feathers, trying to rip
them off his bum. He chases his tail.
The fluffy feathers extend six inches beyond his bum - twice
his body length. He tries to get comfortable, finally
flopping his new tail over his head, exhausted.
Without realizing it, hes being watched -- by an OWL.
EXT. AMANDAS STUDIO - DAWN
Night becomes dawn, and birds begin to chatter in the garden.
INT. AMANDAS STUDIO
Amanda, asleep at her table. Near her, THE PAINTING:
It is a romanticized, Pre-Raphaelite Nuthatch. The red
streaks of paint have become an upswept smile, and the blue
and white tail feathers are an integral part of his bum. He
is more than the sum of his parts, an incomparibly beautiful
bird. Smiley Nuthatch as he never was.
DAHLIA (VO)
Youve got it. Thats him, thats
Dahlias Nuthatch.
INT. DAHLIAS LIVING ROOM - DAY
Amanda and Dahlia stand back from the painting.
AMANDA
Can you make up your own name?
DAHLIA
I dont see why not. I discovered
him. He isnt in any book.
The phone RINGS.

28.

DAHLIA
(on phone)
What? ...Where?
Dahlia slams the phone down.
DAHLIA
Oooh, that man will be the death of
me! Simmonds spotted My Nuthatch
outside the Town Hall. Hes taken
photographs! Come on!
She grabs her binoculars.
EXT. TOWN HALL - DAY
A small knot of excited BIRDERS, all pointing and staring
upward. SIMMONDS has a huge lens on his camera.
Rufus appears in his office window, watching them.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE
Rufus steps back from the window and pulls the curtains shut.
RUFUS
The old biddies are out again.
Grosbeak sits in the mayors high-back, leather chair, his
feet on the desk. Rufus stares at the boots but says nothing.
GROSBEAK
Theyre like gnats. Dont worry
about them.
EXT. TOWN HALL
Fronting the misplaced elegance of the Town Hall, which was
built for a bigger, grander town that never was, stands a
chainsaw-carved wood statue of a logger. A Pileated
Woodpecker hammers a hole in the mans heroic head.
Through the SLR:
Smiley clings upside-down on a utility pole. Click. His
absurd tail feathers flop over his head. Click-click.
More birders gather underneath.

29.

OLD BIRDER
What on earth is it? Yoo-hoo,
little birdie!
DAHLIA
We dont call birds, Audrey, we
observe them!
YOUNG BIRDER
Pyrrhuloxia?
No crest.

DAHLIA

FAT BIRDER
That bright red moustache along the
malar.
OLD BIRDER
Extraordinary lower coverts. Almost
iridescent.
AMANDA
Its smiling.
DAHLIA
Amanda, dear. Everyone appreciates
your artistic talents, but in the
Valley Birders Club, we refrain
from anthropomorphic description.
Birds dont smile. They dont
laugh. Birds do not have a sense of
humor.
Smiley stares at us. Simmonds takes more photographs.
AMANDA
All I meant was, the red paint-markings--its like red paint, dont
you think? So bright. Vermillion.
Simmond fires more shots. Click-click-click.
AMANDA
It makes it look like its smiling.
A Smiling Nuthatch.
At that, several birders stare at Amanda.
SIMMONDS
Hey, Smiley! Over here!
Dahlia lowers her binoculars, stares coldly at him.

30.

DAHLIA
Its called a Dahlias Nuthatch, if
you dont mind. Im the president
of the club. I get to name it.
OTHERS
Smiley! Smiley, look over here!
SMILEYS PERSPECTIVE
The humans below make unintelligible JABBERING NOISES.
He hops along the phone line. Their big glass eyes follow
him. He stops. The eyes stop. He swings 360 degrees around
the wire. The binoculars follow him. He shifts left. He
feints right.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Yank! Yank! Yank!
He takes off, flapping madly to keep aloft.
DAHLIA
Remember, I saw him first! Hes
still my bird! And its Dahlias
Nuthatch, not-VOICES
Smiley! Wait, Smiley!
The birders give chase.
EXT. OWLS NEST - DAY
The sky is darkening, a storm in the distance. A stiff wind
bends the treetops. Smiley is almost blown off as he lands a
hundred feet up on a thick branch extending straight out from
a HUGE OLD CEDAR.
He looks down at the muddy golf course site, many trees
already felled.
A circular DOOR in the tree trunk opens. A field mouse whose name happens to be JENNINGS - scurries out with a
walnut shell of waste and dumps it over the side. He freezes
when he sees the nuthatch.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Oh, hello. Have you seen a small
sack...

31.

The mouse SLAMS the door shut. Smiley taps at it with his
beak. A tiny knothole darkens.
Who?

OWL (OFF)

SMILEY NUTHATCH
Im a Nuthatch? Of the red-breasted
Nuthatches?
OWL
You dont look like one.
The door remains shut. Smiley taps it again.
Who! Who!

OWL

SMILEY NUTHATCH
Me again. The nuthatch. Im looking
for a small sack? My luggage? I was
wondering-Door opens: Smiley is inches from a vicious, curved beak and
fierce, yellow eyes--a BOREAL OWL, which is a small owl, but
three times the size of Smiley Nuthatch.
OWL
I didnt order take out, but youll
do.
Smiley backs up. Jennings peeks under Owls legs.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Hey, Im not a delivery bird.
OWL
Who said anything about DELIVERING?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Now just a-The Owl lunges, but Smiley flies away.
OWL
I could chase him...but you made
such a nice souffl, itd be a
shame to let it get cold.
The mouse and the owl go back inside and slam the door.

32.

EXT. FOREST LAKE - DAY

Raindrops pit the surface. The interval between flashes of
lightning and THUNDERCLAPS gets shorter.
Smiley walks around the pebbled beach, dragging his tail as
he steps around spent shotgun shells.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
All I want is my seeds!
An electrical SIZZLE -- his feathers stand on end -- a
THUNDERCLAP and a tree EXPLODES.
EXT. SAINT FRANCIS CHURCH - DAY
An abandoned wood-frame CHURCH at the edge of the forest.
LIGHTNING illuminates a STATUE of SAINT FRANCIS, arms
outstretched, with carved animals at his feet.
Smiley bursts out of the dark woods, blinded by another
FLASH, he flies toward the steeple.
INT. CHURCH - BELL TOWER - DAY
And crashes through the wood slats of the belfry, hitting the
bell. BONG! Hes out, cold.
EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY
We appear to be flying over a beautifully laid-out course,
the greens well tended with leafy trees, cunning sand traps
and a glassy little lake. We can hear a HELICOPTER.
We get closer. Trees on the golf course snap off in the wind.
RUFUS
Dag Nabbit!
Rufus, in wind-whipped jacket and tie, stabs the tiny trees
back into the Styrofoam golf course. Its sitting on the hood
of his pickup.
A real HELICOPTER lands, down behind a PORTABLE OFFICE
TRAILER. The rotor wash whips loose a banner that reads,
Future Site of Spartree Golf and Country Club.

33.

As Rufus fixes his model, two men in expensive suits walk

toward him. Rufus stabs tiny trees willy-nilly into the
model.
Grosbeak runs out of the trailer to greet them.
GROSBEAK
Mr. Yakamoto! Mr. Schmidt! Id like
you to meet Rufus Towhee, our once
and future mayor.
Schmidt shakes his hand. Yakamoto bows.
RUFUS
Welcome to Spartree. Your
generosity is making this golf
course a reality.
He points to his model.
RUFUS
Sand trap! Clubhouse! Lake!
YAKAMOTO
I know, I designed the course.
Rufus, deflated, cant take his eyes off the model.
Behind them, a BULLDOZER plows a rough road through the
forest, while we hear CHAINSAWS deeper in the woods.
SCHMIDT
What about them?
He points across the lake. A tiny protest camp. Big sign
hanging from trees. BIRDS NOT BALLS. Smoke from a campfire.
GROSBEAK
A few old ladies. Hold-overs from
the hippy era. You know, hairy
armpits, cammomile tea-RUFUS
Vegetarians-Nudists--

GROSBEAK

RUFUS
As the mayor of Spartree, I
guarantee you, peace, prosperity,
and great golfing.

34.

As he talks, we hear, over a distant loudspeaker:

VOICES
Save our lake! Save our forest!
Rufus laughs it off. Schmidt and Yakamoto confer.
SCHMIDT
(speaking Japanese)
We dont want to get caught up in
another controversy. Theres still
resentment here over closing the
mill.
YAKAMOTO
Thats why we should go ahead. Its
good PR. We put everyone to work
again, the town doesnt die.
GROSBEAK
Well get it built on time and on
budget, if thats what youre
worried about. Nothing like a
years unemployment to make for
eager workers.
RUFUS
The Chief of Police is a personal
friend.
SCHMIDT
No more problems, or its off.
RUFUS
We have no problems. There are no
problems, right?
Grosbeak nods, but then his radio squawks.
RADIO VOICE
Someone call an ambulance!
RUFUS
Just an exercise. We put safety
first. Lemme show you around...
He puts an arm around each investor and steers them away.
Grosbeak walks toward a huge Caterpillar tractor which has
slipped into a SINKHOLE. Rufuss model slides off the hood,
and we drop down with it, but keep going, BENEATH the ground--

35.

INT. UNDERGROUND TUNNEL

Where TWO GOPHERS meet at the convergence of several tunnels.
GOPHER FOREMAN
Add another shift. Tunnel day and
night.
A dust-covered GOPHER runs from a tunnel.
SCARED GOPHER
Cave in! Northwest number three!
GOPHER FOREMAN
I want the whole family down there!
Dig those gophers out! Go, go, go!
ABOVE GROUND -- BINOCULAR POV
Looking at Rufus leading the two investors to the helicopter,
then the view whip pans to workers as they attach a cable
from one bulldozer to the sunk one.
Amanda lowers the binoculars. Dahlia stands beside her.
DAHLIA
Im sure I saw my Nuthatch fly in
here.
AMANDA
This is his pond as much as mine.
What happened to him?
DAHLIA
What happens to all men, Amanda.
They go to seed.
Amanda raises her binoculars again.
EXT. AERIAL - SPARTREE - DAY
Macduff, the one-eyed peregrine falcon, flies above Main
Street. He has singed feathers.
Spartrees one commercial street is lined with a dozen or so
stores, a single stoplight, the four-storey WHISKEY JACK
HOTEL across from the Town Hall. At the far end of town, a
MILL belches smoke and steam into the valley.

36.

EXT. NEWSPAPER BLDG - DAY

Macduff alights on an old brick building.
Behind the falcon, a huge sign: Spartree And Valley LeaderPost Times. The Good News Paper.
INT. NEWSPAPER OFFICE - DAY
Newspapers are stacked to the ceiling. An ancient PRESS
clatters in the background.
DAHLIA
Im telling you, this is news!
PULLET
Bah! Feathers dont sell papers!
CHARLES PULLET, a chicken-necked geezer with ink-stained
hands, sits on a stool composing a page the old way, in lead
type.
PULLET
Put it in your bird column.
Dahlia spins him around.
DAHLIA
Would you tell Charles Darwin to
get lost? Its a NEW SPECIES, you
dim-witted old poop!
PULLET
Horse Feathers, Dahlia! Everybody
in town knows you and your pals are
trying to derail the golf course.
Cook up a better ploy than
discovering some half-baked mutant
bird.
(He gets up)
Ive got a paper to get out.
DAHLIA
(shoves him back)
Just look. Will you look at this?
She opens a cardboard portfolio.
DAHLIA
Sittidae humorensis. The Smiling
Nuthatch. I discovered it.

37.
DAHLIA (cont'd)
Make sure you put that in. The only
one of its kind ever seen around
here. It may be the only one
anywhere. This isnt about golf,
Charles. Im talking about Life, in
all its marvelous diversity...a
genetic quirk, yes, a freak of
nature, probably, but a lovely, a
magnificent expression of natures
bounty and endless variety...
PULLET
Are you done? Not interested.
DAHLIA
All right. Feathers may not sell
papers, but controversy does. Weve
contacted the governors office.
This bird could shut down the whole
town.
Pullet raises his bushy eyebrows and takes another look at
Amandas painting.
PULL BACK
from the painting, now on a COMPUTER SCREEN.
INT. RUFUSS DEN - NIGHT
Amanda pecks at an old Mac, her Nuthatch painting on screen.
AMANDA
Audubon, Sierra Club, National
Geographic, Discovery Channel, New
York Times, Nature, PBS, CNN...
Amanda clicks SEND as Rufus enters.
Hey there.

RUFUS

AMANDA
Oh! You startled me. I was just
checking my email...
RUFUS
Anytime. Me Casa es your Casa.
Literally. Haha.
He flips open a can of beer.

38.

Beer?

RUFUS

AMANDA
No, Im, uh... Oh, sure, what the
heck.
He gets her one from the fridge, which is full of beer.
RUFUS
Hows the old art scene?
AMANDA
What art scene. Pretty pictures,
thats all they want. Realism.
Wolves and eagles.
RUFUS
I dont understand a darn thing
about art, but I know what I like.
And I like your work.
AMANDA
Care to buy a dozen abstracts?
They stand awkwardly in his half of the house. She looks
around at the take-out containers piled in the half-built
sink, the cartons of cans to be returned.
RUFUS
You okay for money? Cause, you
know.
Im okay.

AMANDA

RUFUS
We could both save more, if we
pulled the plug on this-She sidles over to the computer and shuts it down.
RUFUS
Were the laughing stock of town.
AMANDA
No, were not. Half the towns
divorced, separated, or fighting.
At least we arent at each others
throats. Rufus, this is the only
way we can both afford to live in a
house.

39.

RUFUS
How can the mayor entertain VIPs
in a divided house?
AMANDA
A duplex! Whats wrong with that?
It wouldnt have to be divided if
you hadnt become such an ass-RUFUS
Hold on, now. Politics is about
compromise. I gotta balance this
with that. You dont get something
for nothing. Ive got the town
working again!
AMANDA
At what cost? What kind of place do
you want to live in?
She slips through a slit in the plastic sheeting stapled to
the unfinished wall.
RUFUS
Trees or jobs, Amanda! What choice
did I have? No choice...
He watches her form on the other side, a ghostly silhouette,
disappear upstairs.
EXT. SAINT FRANCIS CHURCH - MORNING
The church is bathed in a shaft of sunlight through the
surrounding trees.
INT. CHURCH BELLTOWER - MORNING
Smiley wakes with a start as a FALCONS CRY echoes outside.
He stands and trips -- his beak jams in the wood floor.
Hes TIED WITH TWINE. His wings pinned behind him. He manages
to free his beak. He turns sideways.
Claws. His eyes travel up lovely legs, a long, split tail, to
reveal Swallow, looking down at him, haloed by sunlight
filtering through the slats in the tower above. Somewhere,
youd think a sultry saxophone might be playing about now.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Do you always tie your friends up?

40.

SWALLOW
Sometimes. Depends.
Smiley rolls to his other side. OWL and Jennings are deep in
discussions with assorted small ANIMALS that scurry back and
forth.
SWALLOW
Sleep well?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Like an unhatched egg.
SWALLOW
Be careful around him.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Im not going anywhere till I get
some answers.
SWALLOW
I can see that.
In the shadows, several SMALL CREATURES stockpile nuts,
stitch together bits of string, and sight down toothpicks.
Owl paces, Jennings one step behind him. Owl suddenly stops
and sits on an overturned box, on top of Jennings. a muffled
SQUEAK. Owl stands, Jennings brushes himself off.
A Raven flies in, and drops a newspaper. It flops open.
Owl reads the paper, upside down.
OWL
Yes...mmm-hmmm. Interesting.
(chuckling to himself)
Oh, my, my! This is good.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I dont know what youre up to, but
all I want to do is find my luggage
and go.
OWL
Whats in the luggage?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Nothing important.
OWL
Ill be the judge of that. Were
not playing games here, Nuthatch.

41.

Jennings grabs the string and twists it tighter.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
Ungh! Okay, okay. Seeds. I collect
seeds. Its a hobby.
OWL
We dont have time for hobbies.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
You should broaden your interests.
Owl taps Jennings. The mouse stalks away.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Ive been underground. Ive seen
the tunnels. I know all about the
great vegetable caper.
OWL
Vegetables? What are you squawking
about? You think all this is for
vegetables?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I know what I saw.
Owl stares at Nuthatch with his big yellow eyes.
OWL
Useless. Get him out of my sight.
Swallow pecks at the string. Smiley rubs his stiff wings.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
(quietly)
What IS going on?
MICE drag scraps of gear into heaps. SQUIRRELS use a pulley
to lift a pair of OPERA GLASSES into the steeple. A line of
SNAILS with camouflage netting over their shells slicks
across the room.
SWALLOW
Were taking back the forest.
BEES, using their bums, pin a torn road map (of another city)
to the wall.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
You live in the forest.

42.

SWALLOW
The tall ones make it smaller day
by day. Were saying, enough is
enough.
OWL
(to Swallow)
Look at this.
Owl stands on the newspapers front page.
SWALLOW
I cant read.
OWL
They think hes important. The
longer we can keep him here...the
better for us.
On the front page, Amandas idealized picture of the Smiling
Nuthatch. The image is suddenly folded and-EXT. RUFUSS FRONT DOOR - MORNING
Were on a sidewalk as a freckle-faced PAPERBOY expertly
folds the paper as he walks up to the front door.
WHISTLING, he jams the paper into the slot, but not all the
way. He waits...
INT/EXT. RUFUSS HOUSE - MORNING - INTERCUT
GUY slides across the scratched wood floor to the front door.
He bites the paper and tugs it into the house.
On the front stoop, the Paperboy holds onto the newspaper and
yanks back, hard.
Guy is pulled into the door, his claws scrabbling for
purchase. Tail wagging, GROWLING, he pulls back. The paperboy
lets him almost get away, then yanks the dog into the door
again.
Back and forth, the paper torn to shreds.
EXT. AERIAL - LOW ALTITUDE - NEIGHBORHOOD
Smiley flies over backyards, rising only enough to clear
fences and skim roofs and chimneys, his ridiculous white and
blue feathers streaming behind like Isadora Duncans scarf.

43.

EXT. AERIAL - HIGH ALTITUDE

MacDuff soars over Spartree.
MACDUFF
That is one ugly bird.
His POV: a TELESCOPIC image of Smiley in flight, below.
Breakfast!

MACDUFF

The falcon rolls and dives.

EXT. TOWHEE HOUSE - MORNING
Smiley looks back at a WHISTLING SOUND, like a dive bomber.
Macduff levels out five hundred yards back, gaining fast-Smiley snap-rolls 90 degrees-At the front door, the Paperboy gives one last tug on the
folded newspaper again-Macduff screams toward Smiley-Smiley whips past the Paperboy-And flies THROUGH the letter slot!
PAPERBOY
Hey! Whats going - Aiyah!
The kid hits the deck as the falcon SCREECHES and banks into
a high-G turn, its talons scrape across the front door.
INT. RUFUS FRONT HALL - SAME
Guy shakes his head -- the newspaper is stuck in his mouth.
Blue and white feathers stick out the other end of the folded
newspaper.
Rufus, in suit and tie, pats Guy on the head.
Good dog!

RUFUS

Rufus takes the rolled newspaper from Guys jaws. He stares

at the shredded front page.

44.

Bad dog!

RUFUS

He whacks Guys behind. Guy barks and jumps at the paper.

RUFUS
Oh, come on.
He opens the front door. The Paper Boy is down the street. As
Rufus locks the door he notices the claw marks.
EXT. SPARTREE - DAY
Rufus and Guy walk along tree-shaded streets. Rufus taps the
folded newspaper against his thigh.
MUFFLED CHIRPS each time the paper hits Rufuss leg.
TWO grinning, toothless OLD TIMERS wave to Rufus. He waits
until Spartrees one stoplight turns green, even though
theres no traffic, and
rips a BIRDS NOT BALLS poster off a lamp standard.
EXT. TOWN HALL - DAY
The mayor and his dog take the steps up the columned portico,
passing a confusing SIGN
which points out the various offices. The Town Hall houses a
County Museum, a Post Office, the Police Department and,
around back, the Animal Shelter.
Out front, a woodpecker continues to hammer at the statue.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - DAY
DORIS, the receptionist, pale and moody, sits near the door
in the outer office. A small framed sign above her desk
reads, Its Nice to be Important, but its more Important to
be Nice.
Guy sniffs her crotch. She pushes him away.
DORIS
(to Guy)
Get down! Good morning, Rufe-Mister Mayor.

45.

Doris.

RUFUS

Rufus tosses his jacket onto a giant, stuffed GRIZZLY BEAR

and goes into his office.
He slaps the newspaper on his desk. It unfolds, revealing-Smiley Nuthatch, flattened on the front page. Rufus stares as
the bird staggers up -- as if the front page has come to
life.
Rufus looks closer. Smiley looks up at him. Rufus looks
around, finds a paperweight, is about to pound the bird-RUFUS
Man, I hate inserts!
Smiley flaps around the office, Guy barks and chases him as
Doris enters with a coffee.
DORIS
Heres your--oh!
RUFUS
Get rid of it, Doris.
DORIS
Its terrified, the poor thing.
She opens the window.
DORIS
Shoo! Out, out you go!
Rufus looks down at the paper: the headline, RARE BIRD
THREATENS GOLF COURSE! above Amandas painting of the same
bird flying around his office.
RUFUS
Stop! Thats the bird! Grab it!
Rufus lunges. Too late, its out the window. Guy runs,
barking, into the hall.
RUFUS
Look at this, will you look at
this!
Rufus picks up phone. Punches a speed-dial number.

46.

RUFUS
Pullet, what kind of newspaper are
you running, you, you two-timing
traitor! What are you trying to do?
(beat)
Sell papers?! Positive news, thats
what sells, thats what this town
needs, youre the Good News Paper.
You call this hysteria news? I
thought we had a deal. Ill tell
you what and when theres news!
Slams receiver. Goes to the window. Leans out.
He looks up and down the street. All he can see is the stupid
woodpecker drilling into the head of the statue.
RUFUS
Smiling Nuthatch my Aunt Fanny.
You! Stop that!
The woodpecker pauses, they regard each other, then both get
back to work.
EXT. SHOP N SAVE GROCERY - DAY
Amanda runs into Rufus coming out of the grocery, carrying a
pile of newspapers. He drops them into a shopping cart and
pushes it along the sidewalk.
AMANDA
Clipping coupons?
RUFUS
Could be a collectors edition. The
story that killed a town.
AMANDA
One little birds got you in such a
tizzy?
RUFUS
The bird from hell.
AMANDA
Its a rare bird.
RUFUS
That SOMEONE, naming no names,
just HAPPENED to spot near MY HOUSE-

47.

AMANDA
Our house-RUFUS
And just happens to be the only one
of its kind on the entire goddamn
planet.
AMANDA
I was just saying to Dahlia what a
coincidence that was.
RUFUS
Coincidences everywhere. The same
bird was in my office.
AMANDA
So its YOU.
Rufus gives her a disgusted stare and turns into a store.
Amanda waits outside. He comes out with more papers. They
walk by a coffee shop. Rufus snatches a paper from a
CUSTOMERs hand as hes reading it.
CUSTOMER
Hey, I havent finished-RUFUS
Sorry bout that. Misprint. Recall.
Heres your quarter back.
Rufus flips the customer a coin.
AMANDA
You cant confiscate every paper.
RUFUS
I dont see why not.
AMANDA
Rare birds are good for tourism.
RUFUS
What kind of tourist, ask yourself
that. Golfers spend money. Golfers
stay in nice hotels. Golfers rent
cars and eat out. Bird watchers
carry bagged lunches and walk
everywhere.
AMANDA
And sleep in trees.

48.

RUFUS
Exactly. Spartree has been dying a
slow death for years. The layoffs
at the mill. The young people-hell, look around you.
They do. And what they see is mostly old people.
RUFUS
Amanda, aside from you and me,
everyones either in a stroller or
pushing a walker.
AMANDA
Rufus, you are getting more and
more like a politician every day.
RUFUS
How about that. A mayor, acting
like a politician.
He goes into another shop. But before he does-RUFUS
No itty-bitty bird is going to stop
my million dollar golf course!
A distant cry of Yank! Yank! Yank!
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
Two DEER stand by the side of the road. There is an
increasingly loud RUMBLE.
Dare you.
You first.

FIRST DEER
SECOND DEER

The highway is packed with an armada of motor homes, camper

trucks, cars, vans, bikers, tandem bicyclists. All of them
moving slowly, inexorably, in the same direction, toward a
sign: SPARTREE, NEXT EXIT.
EXT. RUFUSS BACKYARD - DAY
Guys tail wags from a hole hes digging, in a yard that
looks like a WWI battlefield. Rufuss truck parks. He starts
tossing his collectd newspapers into the yard.

49.

He stops.
RUFUS
Guy...what are you doing?
The dog looks up from the hole. His tail wags, then off
Rufuss look, goes between his legs. Hes been a bad boy.
The Smiling Nuthatch alights on the fence. Rufus stares at
it.
RUFUS
Ill wipe that smile off your face.
Rufus heads into the house. Guy continues digging. Once Rufus
is inside, Smiley hops down next to Guy.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Try over there.
Guy trots somewhere and begins a new hole. Neither dog nor
bird notice as...
The back door creaks open...
Rufus raises a shotgun to his shoulder.
RUFUS
Come on. Come on.
The bird is too close to Guy. The gun tracks them.
RUFUS
Jeez...get away from the
bird...Guy! Walkies!
Guy pops his head out of the hole. Tail wagging, he trots
toward his master-Smiley flies into a tree-The shotgun tracks the bird and--Guy jumps up on Rufus as he fires! blowing a satellite dish
off the neighbors house. The crash becomes-A next door neighbors satellite dish is blown off the roof.
INT/EXT. MAYORS OFFICE - WINDOW - DAY
Sound of a fender bender, outside. Chief of Police REDSTART,
big and beefy, stands at the window.

50.

Lots of cars, more than the one stoplight can handle, jam
Main Street.
REDSTART
Where are all these people coming
from? Why here? Why now?
RUFUS
Why are you asking me? Thats your
job.
The phone rings. Doris, in the background, answers.
DORIS
Mayor Towhees office. How may I
direct your call? Hello? Hello?
(hangs up)
Thats the third time. Im not
answering it again.
REDSTART
Ive got three officers and one of
the patrol cars is in the garage.
RUFUS
I got you this job. Do something.
Why are you in here? This is what
youve been dreaming about for
years. Chaos. Madness. Anarchy.
This should be your moment to
shine.
TRAFFIC sounds increase throughout this.
REDSTART
Mr. Mayor, I formally request you
declare a state of emergency. Enact
the Emergency Plan.
RUFUS
What Emergency Plan.
REDSTART
Where we use the gymnasium as a
jail? And deputize the citizens.
RUFUS
Its a traffic jam, Redstart. Just
get out there and clear it up.
REDSTART
I dont know. I got a bad feeling.

51.

RUFUS
Take an Alka-Seltzer.
The phone rings. Doris jumps, fans herself and answers it.
DORIS
So much activity!
office. How may I
(high-pitched
Hello? Hello? Who

Mayor Towhees
direct your call?
squeal)
IS this!

Doris hangs up. Phone rings again.

DORIS
What the fuck do you want!
(into the intercom)
Line three, Mayor.
RUFUS
(pointing at Redstart)
Get to the bottom of this.
The police chief leaves.
DORIS
Seattle Times. Line three.
Rufus settles into his chair.
RUFUS
Mayor Rufus Towhee speaking...
(high-pitched squeal)
What in blazes?
DORIS
Its been doing that all morning.
Down at floor level, SEVERAL MICE chew into a tangle of multicolored phone wires.
RUFUS
Towhee - thats T-O-W-H double E.
(beat)
What bird? Theres no such...Well,
thats just crazy talk. The editor
of our local paper is eighty-seven,
going on a hundred. Between you and
me, the old duffers confused. You
cant trust...Look pal, the only
thing rare up here is jobs, which
is why Im building the Spartree
Golf and Country--

52.

Phone rings again during Rufuss conversation. Doris holds

her receiver away from her ear: LOUD FEEDBACK SQUEAL. The
moment she replaces it, it rings again. She lets it ring.
RUFUS
Tell your editor to send you up
here. Sample some of our Spartree
country hospitality.
A SIREN outside, followed immediately by a CRASH.
DORIS
(answering phone)
Im going to rip your fucking head
off you god damn son of a bitch!
Doris sudddenly jumps to attention and flaps her hands at
Rufus -- he waves her off -- Doris, points to the GOVERNERS
PORTRAIT on his office wall.
RUFUS
Whatd you call it? A Smiling
Nuthatch? Oh, ha-ha, thats just
our version of Nessie or the
Sasquatch. You know. Tourism stunt.
You cant possibly...Hello? Hello?
(to Doris)
You cut me off!
Doris at Rufuss desk, finger on the phone.
DORIS
Its the Governor! Line 1.
RUFUS
That old blowhard. I suppose hes
calling from jail?
(realizes hes on the
line)
Oh, Governor! Ha-ha. Just a little-How ARE you! Towhee, Rufus Towhee?
We met at your trial?
Rufus drops into his chair, listening to a telephone tirade.
As he does, Doris watches several mice run across his desk.
EXT. GOLF COURSE SITE - DAY
A female STATE TROOPER staples a document onto the main gate.
Grosbeak, in his truck, stops.

53.

GROSBEAK
Whatre you doing, officer?
OFFICER
Injunction to cease work.
What!

GROSBEAK

OFFICER
Endangered Species Act. You have
one day to shut it down.
GROSBEAK
You know whos endangered around
here? Anyone who wants to make an
honest living!
OFFICER
Sorry, sir. Governors orders.
Grosbeaks truck spits gravel.
EXT. SPARTREE - BIRD CHASE - DAY
Spotting scope focuses to find Smiley, picking at his
unwanted feathers. He looks up, into lens.
Everywhere that Smiley goes, dozens of BIRDERS surely follow.
No tree has enough leaves to hide him. Rooftops are climbed.
Flower beds trampled. Fences knocked over. In a mad scramble
to see and video, photograph and record the rare Smiling
Nuthatch.
The tiny bird escapes down a back lane, only to find another
crowd at the far end running toward him.
EXT. OWLS TREE - EVENING
At the base of the tree, the three rabbits stand in a line.
Behind them, a BIG PILE OF CARROTS. Owl paces, while Jennings
tugs the seed satchel away.
OWL
(to rabbits)
Your little adventure could have
cost us the advantage of surprise.
Consider yourself lucky I havent
asked Jennings to give you a
thrashing.

54.

The little mouse swaggers toward them. The three rabbits leap
out of frame.
INT. OWLS NEST - EVENING
Jennings drags Smileys bag inside, huffing and puffing.
Owl pecks open the satchel with his sharp beak. Seeds fall
out. Owl and Jennings poke at them.
OWL
Seeds. Ordinary seeds. Why would he
want them so badly?
Jennings squints and thinks, mimicking the owl.
OWL
Get these out of here. Hide them
somewhere, I dont care where, so
he cant find them.
Jennings starts lugging the satchel toward the door.
INSERT - NEWS VIDEO - THE HIGHWAY
Bumper stickers: BIRDERS FOR CHRIST SAVE THE SONGBIRDS
Competitive Birdwatchers of America BIRDS DO ITNEWS READER (VO)
Word spreads quickly in the birding
community. Its not often a new
bird is found within a days drive
of a major city. The little town of
Spartree has become a Mecca for
birders across the nation. Everyone
wants to see-Video cuts to Amandas painting.
NEWS READER
The Smiling Nuthatch.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - NIGHT
Grosbeak watches the news report of the birder traffice on
TV, while Rufus fires darts at Amandas new Nuthatch POSTER.
GROSBEAK
Get rid of the bird, thats our
objective.

55.
GROSBEAK (cont'd)
We do that, they have no reason to
continue the injunction. Result:
everyones happy. If they save the
bird, say good-bye to the country
club. Result: youre back selling
cars.
RUFUS
Yeah, yeah.
(snaps fingers)
What if we catch the bird and
exhibit it? Its not safe for a
rare species to live alone, in the
forest, right? Theres all sorts of
dangers. It could get eaten or, or,
ploughed over by a bulldozer. So,
heres what well do. We catch the
bird. We put it in a nice little
cage. Result: weve saved the bird
and the golf course. The birders
are happy, were happy. Win-win,
thats what its all about,
Grosbeak.
He taps the side of his head.
RUFUS
Thats why Im in this chair and
not you.
GROSBEAK
Youre there because I put you
there.
RUFUS
Politics is all about give and
take.
GROSBEAK
Especially take.
CLOSE ON POSTER: A dart whacks into the Nuthatchs bum.
EXT. AMANDAS GARDEN - NIGHT
Moonlight. The vegetable patch, with a lot of holes where the
carrots were. The three rabbits confer.
LUCKY
Forget about the owl. Soon, well
control all the vegetables!

56.

The other two jump up and down, because they see something,
but before Lucky can turn, his EARS are grabbed from behind
and stretched back, turning his eyes into narrow slits.
He spins around. Smiley, holding onto the ears, leans over
his head.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
The dog buried my luggage. He says
you must have taken it into the
tunnels.
LUCKY
I dont know what yer talkin
about!
His ears are stretched back further.
LUCKY
Hey, dont stretch the felt...okay,
okay...Owl took it.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
He said he never saw my luggage.
LUCKY
All I know is, Owls got your
seeds.
Smiley stretches the bosss ears even more--Hey-yey!

LUCKY

and uses them like a slingshot to Smiley catapults off

Luckys head into the dark.
EXT. GOLF COURSE SITE - NIGHT
Headlights bounce through the trees.
EXT. OFFICE TRAILER - SAME
Someone aims a FLASHLIGHT at the CEASE OPERATIONS notice
pasted on the door of the trailer and RIPS IT OFF.
INT. OFFICE TRAILER - NIGHT
A whole bunch of burly CONSTRUCTION WORKERS AND LOGGERS cram
into the trailer. They want blood.

57.

GROSBEAK
Listen up! Listen up, guys!
The men slowly settle. GERRY, one of the roughest, pushes the
crumpled notice in Rufuss chest.
GERRY
You promised us full time jobs!
CARPENTER
All we want to do is work!
GERRY
Im gonna lose my house if I cant
make the next payment.
GROSBEAK
The injunction starts tomorrow. The
way I figure it, we got about seven
hours to clear the timber.
GERRY
(jabs finger at Rufus)
I voted for you. What are you gonna
do about it?
Rufus unrolls the (dart-damaged) poster of the Nuthatch. Hes
written in marker: WANTED - ALIVE! $500 REWARD!
RUFUS
Bring me Smiley Nuthatch!
INT. CHURCH - NIGHT
Smiley rockets into the bell tower and skids along the floor,
where Swallow chairs a meeting of mixed birds.
SWALLOW
We need to know everything.
Entrances, air ducts...yes?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Wheres your fearless leader!
SWALLOW
Cant tell you.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Cant, or wont.

58.

SWALLOW
Nuthatch, either youre with us, or
youre not.
He flies into a rage, booting things, including some mice.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
He stole my luggage! All I want is
to get it back and get out of here!
SWALLOW
Escort him outside.
Two tough Ravens move toward Smiley.
EXT. FOREST - NIGHT
Chainsaws rip through trees. Chips of bark and sawdust glow
in the loggers head-lamp.
Nearby, a tree crashes to the forest floor.
The base of a large cedar is three quarters cut through, a
gaping wedge which will guide the trees fall. Now the logger
begins the back cut.
INT. OWLS NEST - NIGHT
Jennings and Owl frantically gather years worth of stuff,
dropping things for other things.
OWL
Oh dear, oh dear. Years of
collecting antiques.
Jennings picks up a thimble.
OWL
Forget that! Its not--waaa!
Owl and Jennings slide as the apartment TILTS.
Owl and Jennings SLAM into a wall, along with the table and
other furnishings. Owl braces himself to offer protection for
the little mouse, as the floor tilts up more--

59.

EXT. FOREST FLOOR - NIGHT

In SLOW MOTION, a mighty cedar tilts and crashes to the
ground.
FADE TO:
EXT. GOLF SITE - DAWN
Smiley hops from one fallen tree to another.
Following a trail of broken dolls furniture and shards of
pottery amid freshly trimmed branches -- a GASH through the
underbrush, where the log was dragged away.
In a clearing...
Freshly cut trees are dragged by SKIDDERS and lifted by a
CRANE onto a logging truck.
Gerry connects a cable to a huge cedar.
OWL
(faintly)
Who...Who...
Gerry stops and listens. He reaches into Owls hole.
INT. OFFICE TRAILER - DAWN
The State Trooper writes a report.
GROSBEAK
This says nothing about fallen
timber. Were taking it to the
mill. And theres not a damn thing
you can do about it.
The door slaps open.
GROSBEAK
What do you want?
Gerry holds Owl, very still and small in his rough hands.
GERRY
Boreal Owl.
GROSBEAK
Fascinating. Looks dead.

60.

GERRY
It aint dead, its injured.
GROSBEAK
Its a small price to pay for
keeping the guys employed, Gerry.
GERRY
Killing an owl, thats bad luck. No
owls gonna die on this circus.
Gerry pushes past the trooper.
EXT. GOLF COURSE SITE - MORNING
Gerry approaches a TRUCK DRIVER checking his load of LOGS.
GERRY
Can I get a lift into town? I got
an injured owl here.
He climbs in.
Smiley flies over the busy site, sees Gerry carry Owl into
the cab of the logging truck.
The engine engulfs Smiley in a black cloud of exhaust. As it
moves forward, the smoke clears, revealing-Smiley, hopping from log to log on the truck.
EXT. LOGGING TRUCK - TRAVELLING - MORNING
The truck rumbles over a one-lane wood bridge. Smiley avoids
WOOD CHIPS as they break off in the slipstream.
EXT. YAKAMOTO FOREST PRODUCTS - DAY
The rambling sawmill on the far side of town. Trucks, front
end loaders, steam, NOISE.
GIANT CLAWS grab a log off the truck.
Smiley rides a log with a familiar HOLE. As it rumbles up a
CONVEYOR CHAIN into the mill-Smiley climbs inside the nest.

61.

INT. OWLS NEST - MOVING

The nest, sideways, is a mess of broken furniture and bits of
crockery, pots, maps and - several red PAPAGALLO SEEDS.
The nest shudders. Smiley pecks at his seeds.
INT. LUMBER MILL - INTERCUT
DEAFENING SCREAM of a huge BAND SAW as it trims the bark,
traveling the length of the tree in seconds.
Smiley overturns furniture, revealing Jennings.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Why did you steal my seeds! Why!
The log rotates a quarter turn.
Smiley pushes broken furniture off himself and looks out the
hole.
The gigantic band saw RIPS through the log, missing his head
by inches!
Jennings and Smiley tumble as the log shifts yet again.
The huge blade screams directly in-line with the hole.
With Jennings hugging him around his belly, Smiley blasts out
of the log inches ahead of the saw.
He drops the mouse off on a static belt.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
(shouts)
Wait here!
The tree, now a square log, is ripped into thick planks.
Amid choking sawdust, rattling machines, the terrifying
blade, Smiley Nuthatch tries to reach the spilled seeds on
the ground.
The belt Jennings is on is moving -- while the mouse runs in
the opposite direction, hes being inevitably drawn into the
machinery.
Smiley flies under the saw, the gears and the belts, just in
time -- and the mouse leaps for him.

62.

EXT. MILL - DAY

A tiny flash of red, white and blue grows as Smiley, with
Jennings hanging onto his belly, flaps madly away from the
cacophonous fire and brimstone of the mill.
EXT. TOWN HALL - DAY
The town now bristles with TV satellite dishes and MOBILE
NEWS VANS. GRIPS build a platform on the front steps of the
Town Hall. A GLOBAL NEWS truck disgorges cables and
technicians, going in and out of the Town Hall.
The woodpecker continues to tap a hole in the statues head.
PETER GANNET (V.O.)
Hundreds of hopeful birdwatchers
have converged on your town, hoping
to catch sight of this extremely
rare bird, and yet you want to turn
its habitat into a golf course?
People gather around the Global News truck, trying to see
inside. Below the truck, gophers pop up from a hole in the
pavement.
INT. GLOBAL NEWS TRUCK - DAY
Rufuss image on three monitors.
RUFUS
Who says it lives in the woods?
PETER GANNET
Biologists. Birders. This.
Holds up the Sibley Guide.
RUFUS
I happen to know a thing or two
about birds. Fact: birds love golf.
Okay, golf courses. All that open
lawn? Think of the worms! Fact:
golf shoes aerate the soil. Its
practically a bird sanctuary! Our
golf course will have ducks, and
those birds, the black ones with
the red stripes? Oh, you know...
Rufus whistles the song of a Red Wing Blackbird.

63.

INT. MAYORS OFFICE - DAY

Rufus, sweating, in front of the camera. Peter Gannet sits in
front of him, a second camera on the veteran reporter.
PETER GANNET
Red Wing Blackbird.
RUFUS
Thats it. Red Wing Blackbird.
PETER GANNET
Sources have told us youve put a
bounty on the Smiling Nuthatch.
That you want it dead or alive.
RUFUS
Oh, thats rich! Who told you that?
Its not a bounty, its an
inducement. To find Smiley. We want
to save the little fella. Were
looking out for his well-being.
Dont forget, this bird has brought
Spartree world attention-PRODUCER
Forget him, get the camera over
here.
The VIDEO pans off Rufus.
EXT. TOWN HALL - DAY
Technicians abandon the Global News truck as a good chunk of
road gives way under the truck. It slips backward. A burst
water main geysers. Several GOPHERS run away.
EXT. AERIAL - SPARTREE - DAY
The one-eyed falcon, MacDuff, soars above the busy town.
BIRDER MONTAGE - DAY
Teenage girl on her boyfriends shoulder gives a V-sign.
Shes got nice tits under her Smiley Rules! T-shirt.
A LINEUP of tired travellers outside the Whiskey Jack hotel.
A hastily painted Bed& Breakfast SIGN hammered into a lawn.

64.

PHOTOGRAPHERS with huge lenses discuss cameras.

Kids sell HANDMADE MAPS of Nests of Famous Birds
An angry FATHER grabs a sign from his SON: PARK HERE, $5.
Three cars have already chewed up their lawn. Makes it $15.
A STORE advertises: Cheap! Cheap! We Speak Nuthatch!
Chief Redstart directs traffic, a big grin on his face.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - LATER
Animals, birds, rodents...in cages, cardboard boxes, on
leashes.
A goat with wings attached.
Someones got a cat with fake feathers, while a girl has a
gerbil with a beak made out of poster board.
They crowd around Rufus, all demanding the reward.
RUFUS
No, no, no, no! That is NOT a
Smiling Nuthatch. It doesnt even
have a beak. For Petes sake! What
kind of person would glue
feathers...is this the front end or
the rear? Its got four legs!
People! Listen to me - Its a BIRD,
okay! A small BIRD!
EXT. TOWN HALL - AFTERNOON
People leave or enter with their fake birds and pose for
the CAMERAS on the steps.
TV REPORTER
Defying the state biologists and
thousand of birders who want to
study the bird in its natural
habitat, the Mayor of Spartree
continues to offer a bounty for the
Smiling Nuthatch...
RADIO REPORTER
...with all the birders in town,
the fact is, Smiley hasnt been
sighted by anyone in the last
twenty-four hours...

65.

Amanda presses past everyone up the steps. Mad as hell.

INT. MAYORS OFFICE - AFTERNOON
She pushes past more wannabe Nuthatches and their captors.
Rufus...

AMANDA

RUFUS
Amanda! This is YOUR doing!
(to others)
Excuse us, will you?
An OLD LADY with a parakeet follows him.
AMANDA
What are you talking about. What is
all this?
RUFUS
Im doing what you wanted, Im
trying to save your precious
Nuthatch!
AMANDA
How? By putting a price on its
head?
PARAKEET
Whos a clever bird?
RUFUS
Do you mind?
OLD LADY
Wheres my five hundred bucks?
PARAKEET
Whos a clever, clever bird.
RUFUS
I didnt want it to go like this.
(to old lady)
Do you MIND?!
AMANDA
Ripping the forest apart at night.
Putting a bounty on a little,
defenceless bird. What next? Jail
the bird watchers?

66.

RUFUS
(ignoring Amanda)
Whatd you do? Steal a Smiling
Nuthatch from a zoo?
OLD LADY
Ill have you know Ive had Reggie
for thirty-two years.
Not you!

RUFUS

PARAKEET
Whos a clever bird. Not you! Not
you!
AMANDA
Why cant we leave one pocket of
untouched, virgin forest? What
about the old swimming hole?
RUFUS
Nothing but a boggy, bug-infested
swamp. Weve got to look to the
future, Amanda. Think of the kids.
We want them to stay here, dont
we? Theyll be able to work in the
country club, you know, doing all
sorts of interesting jobs.
AMANDA
High paying, too.
Doris guides the Old Lady toward the door.
DORIS
This way, Miss Wagtail.
RUFUS
Alive, Amanda. I want the Smiling
Nuthatch alive.
AMANDA
All this so you and your buddies
can play golf!
RUFUS
You dont have to like golf. Its
gonna be a park, not a strip mine!
Amanda slams the office door. Rufus catches his breath. The
door opens. A TOOTHLESS MAN holds up a painted CHICKEN.

67.

EXT. MIDAIR - AFTERNOON

Smiley appears, flapping madly. Hes not in shape.
SWALLOW swoops effortlessly beside him.
SWALLOW
You saved Jennings. That was very
brave. Everyone knows. We didnt
think you-What?

SMILEY

SWALLOW
You do care, dont you?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I risked my feathers to save my
seeds. I found him, instead. They
got Owl, you know.
SWALLOW
I heard. Is he...?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
He wasnt moving. Im sorry,
Swallow.
Swallow flies ahead. Smiley struggles to catch up. She
twitches her tail, makes a radical bank.
He flaps wildly. It doesnt do much good. In fact, hes
flying beak up, his centre of gravity off.
She loops back to him.
SWALLOW
Your fancy tail feathers are a
drag.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Youre telling me!
SWALLOW
Aerodynamic drag. They alter your
angle of attack. Youre constantly
fighting a stall. You cant fly
very far like that, Nuthatch!

68.

She executes a snap-roll over Smiley and drops away from him.
He continues flapping madly, but each flap is slower...and
lower...
EXT. FOREST GLEN - AFTERNOON
A crystal-clear STREAM sparkles and burbles through a small
open spot in the forest. The low sun casts a warm light over
this peaceful spot.
GRUNTS and painful CHIRPS.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Yank! Yank! Yank!
Swallow stands on Smileys tail. He strains forward. She
bends down to bite the feathers, but loses her grip and he
staggers into the stream.
SWALLOW
Good idea. Try soaking them off.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Its freezing in here!
SWALLOW
Builds character.
He swishes the tail feathers around. Looks over his shoulder.
The long feathers are still there. Greatly annoyed, begins
chasing them like a dog chasing its tail.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Yank! Yank! Yank!
Bushes part, startling Swallow into flight, but Nuthatch is
noisily chasing his tail.
Nuthatch!
Gotcha.

SWALLOW
PAPERBOY

WHAP! Hes scooped up in a NET by the Paperboy.

EXT. TOWN HALL - EVENING
A carnival atmosphere. Hotdog and souvenir stands. Birders,
protestors, confused tourists, loggers, grandparents and kids
converge on the square.

69.

BARKERS
T-shirts here! Get your Smiley
Nuthatch T-shirts! Souvenir hats!
You cant tell a nuthatch from a
finch without a guide book! Save
the forest and save your money, we
got the best prices!
Dahlia and the Birders Club are out in force, holding signs
as they lead a march around the square.
CHANTING VOICES
All we are saying,
Is give trees a chance,
All we are saying,
Is give trees a chance!
The Paperboy pushes through them, carrying a small box up the
Town Hall steps.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - EVENING
Rufus stares at something as a spotlight pans across the room
from outside. Grosbeak sits in Rufuss chair, feet on the
desk.
The Paperboys cardboard box has holes punched in it. A
familiar beak pokes through one of the holes.
PAPERBOY
A hundred! Whats that! My old man
said it was FIVE HUNDRED. Plus you
still owe me twenty-four bucks for
three months delivery.
RUFUS
Three months of ripped newspapers.
Forget it.
PAPERBOY
Oh, okay. Five hundred, well call
it square. Deal?
RUFUS
Whatve you got on you?
GROSBEAK
Uh...Sixty. Seventy...
Rufus checks his wallet.

70.

RUFUS
A bird in the hand is worth two in
the bush, kid.
PAPERBOY
Whats that sposed to mean?
Rufus takes Grosbeaks cash, adding it to his own.
RUFUS
It means you walk outta here up a
hundred fifty bucks, cash. No
questions.
GROSBEAK
Go buy yourself a new bike.
PAPERBOY
Ya, right. When was the last time
you bought a bike?
Smiley PEEPS plaintively.
EXT. TOWN HALL - EVENING
The Paperboy is besieged by reporters as he storms out.
REPORTERS
Wheres the bird? Howd you catch
it? Can we see Smiley? How much did
you get for it?
PAPERBOY
Ive been stiffed!
(shouts back inside)
From now on, you can buy your paper
at the corner box, Mayor Rip-Off!
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - SAME
Rufus looks down the corridor.
RUFUS
Little swine.
Hes startled by a RAVEN flying down the hall, carrying a
rolled-up BLUEPRINT in its claws.
DORIS (V.O.)
I got it at a garage sale.

71.

INT. MAYORS OFFICE - LATER

Through the wires of a bird cage.
DORIS
Hello...say hello, Smiley. Hello,
Smiley. Hello!
Smiley, playing with a tiny plastic magnifying glass, looks
at his own claw and CHIRPS in surprise. Rufus gets REALLY
CLOSE.
DORIS
Youre not going to hurt it.
RUFUS
Course not.
Not yet.

GROSBEAK

Smiley tries out the swing.

RUFUS
Whoa! Weve been swindled,
Grosbeak. Lookit this. The birds
smile is painted on! Its paint!
GROSBEAK
The kid made a ringer. Good thing
we didnt pay him the full reward.
RUFUS
Good thing. Doris, tell that
chicken-necked publisher Im
cancelling my subscription unless
he fires the paperboy.
(turns to Grosbeak)
You realize this means the REAL
Smiling Nuthatch is still at large!
DORIS
What if this bird is Smiley
Nuthatch?
RUFUS
I wish you wouldnt call it that.
Whose side are you on, anyway?

72.

DORIS
Maybe it only looks like paint,
like, you know, a secretion from
its glands.
RUFUS
Doris. Please.
DORIS
My father is an ornithologist.
RUFUS
What do eyeglasses have to do with
birds. Look. Amanda and Dahlia and
their bird-brained buddies
identified it. If theres one thing
they know, its birds. If they say
Smileys rare...
He looks at Smiley. The bird tinkles a bell. A thought takes
shape in the mayors face, darkening it.
RUFUS
Oh boy, Ive had plenty of dirty
tricks pulled on me, but this! I
never stooped this low...did I?
GROSBEAK
Pretty low.
RUFUS
Yeah, but not this low. The Smiling
Nuthatch. Oh, thats rich. She
almost had me. The whole things a
fraud, Grosbeak. There is no
Smiling Nuthatch!
DORIS
No! Youre wrong. Dont listen to
him, Smiley.
They crowd in, really close. Smiley backs up on his perch.
RUFUS
And those feathers. Theyre glued
on. What a horrible thing to do to
a defenceless little bird.
DORIS
They look real enough to me.
RUFUS
Ill show you.

73.

He opens the cage door and tries to pluck a feather off

Smileys bum.
DORIS
What are you doing!
She grabs the cage from Rufus. They tussle.
DORIS
It only looks fake, because you
dont know birds!
RUFUS
I know a dirty trick when I see
one! Right, Grosbeak?
GROSBEAK
You should, by now.
Doris holds the cage close to her heart.
DORIS
Poor thing. I wont let the mean
men hurt you.
Doris takes the cage into the reception area.
RUFUS
Thank you, Doris! Thank you for
your LOYALTY.
He shuts the door.
Now what.
Fire her.

RUFUS
GROSBEAK

RUFUS
She knows too much.
GROSBEAK
Go out there, make a speech.
Denounce the fraud.
RUFUS
Are you nuts? Theres hundreds of
rabid birders in town. The medias
breathing down our necks to show
them a Smiling Nuthatch.

74.

GROSBEAK
(lights a cigar)
So? Show em the bird. The cameras
zoom in, everyone can see its a
con job. Who did it? Not you. Not
me. Who else could have done such a
dastardly thing? Who stands to
gain?
RUFUS
I see what you mean. Turn the
tables on them.
CNN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
We interrupt our regular
programming for this live report
from Peter Gannet in Spartree,
Washington, home of the Smiling
Nuthatch.
Grosbeak blows smoke over Rufus.
EXT. TOWN HALL - NIGHT
The crowd is restless. Reporters interview locals, for lack
of a real story. Tourists snap pictures. Someone in a GIANT
BIRD SUIT tussles with a State Trooper.
Peter Gannet in front of TOWN HALL.
PETER GANNET
Global News has confirmed the
worlds only Smiling Nuthatch has
been captured and is now in the
hands of local officials. Thousands
of birders have gathered in front
of the town hall tonight, an
anxious vigil for Americas most
famous bird.
The curtains in Rufuss office window part and close again.
SMALL FURRY ANIMALS scurry between peoples feet. At the
farthest edge of the crowd, Amanda tries to get through.
EXT. AERIAL - SPARTREE - NIGHT
MacDuff rides a thermal three thousand feet above the town.

75.

RUFUS
(amplified)
As Mayor of Spartree I welcome you
all to the outdoor recreation
capitol of the Northwest! Soon to
be the home of the world-class
Spartree Golf and Country Club!
EXT. TOWN HALL - NIGHT
Cheers and boos. Placards for both sides compete for
attention. Amanda shoves her way forward.
Reporters crowd in front of Rufus, on the podium the top of
the steps. The cage, covered with the towns flag, is on a
podium. Dahlia and Redstart stand nearby.
RUFUS
Youve come here to see one very
special bird...Before I introduce
you to our little friend, ask
yourself...Why would any bird
choose Spartree as his home? For
the same reason I invite all of you
to explore our lovely valley! For
our clean air and fresh water! For
unlimited skiing and snowmobiling
on our mountains, groomed free of
all obstacles-LONE VOICE
We want Smile-ee!
Amanda gets to the barricades at the foot of the steps.
VOICES
Smile-ee! Smile-ee! Smile-ee!
RUFUS
Our magnificent wildlife-LONE VOICE
Free the political prisoner! Jail
the mayor!
RUFUS
A fishing and hunting paradise! You
can just look at em, if you want.
Whatever you do, do it in
Spartree...
(feedback)

76.

Amanda waves at Dahlia.

AMANDA
Dahlia! Rufus! Listen to me, its
all-RUFUS
Test. Test...Spartree, soon to be
the home of a world-class golf and
country club, a new hotel, the new
Rubble Creek subdivision...
VOICES
We want Smiley! We want Smiley!
Amanda grabs a cop.
AMANDA
I gotta talk to the Mayor. Its an
emergency.
The cop shakes his head.
AMANDA
Look, hes escaped!
The cop looks. Amanda runs up the steps.
AMANDA
You have to stop this. Smiley isnt
real.
DAHLIA
Of course hes real, dear. Weve
all seen him.
AMANDA
No, no, I mean, hes real, but hes
not a rare bird-Her voice is drowned out by Rufuss amplified voice. She
leans closer to Dahlia and shouts in her ear as-RUFUS
Ladies and gentlemen, neighbors,
fellow bird lovers. Thanks to the
diligence and keen eyes of the
president of our own Valley Birders
Club, we Spartans are home to the
rarest bird in North America!
Dahlia listens to Amanda.

77.

RUFUS
It gives me great pleasure to
present to you a bird Im proud to
have as a neighbor and...friend...a
tiny bird that is in all our
hearts...would you do the honors,
Dahlia?
DAHLIA
Id love to, but...go ahead, its
your day...youre the mayor.
She hands the microphone back to Rufus.
RUFUS
No, I insist. Hes your discovery.
You made the Nuthatch what he is
today. You could say, you created
him.
He passes the microphone back to Dahlia.
DAHLIA
Yes, but -- think of your future!
This could be your big opportunity,
national exposure!
Amanda grabs the microphone.
AMANDA
Hes not real! Hes a fake!
Amandas voice echoes across the city. Rufus and Dahlia
freeze. And then a great silence as the crowd looks up at
her. Cameras click. A hundred lenses point at her.
AMANDA
Hes not a rare bird-Rufus puts his hand over the microphone.
RUFUS
Dont say another word, or well be
torn limb from limb.
But--but--

AMANDA

Dahlia drags Amanda away from Rufus.

RUFUS
(on speakers)
Ha-ha. What a kidder!

78.
RUFUS (cont'd)
Thats why I married her, for her
sense of humor! Now then, I give
you, the president of the Valley
Birders-DAHLIA
(to Amanda)
Well make Rufus look like he was
trying to discredit the protest
with a fake bird.
The crowd presses against the barricades.
VOICES
Get on with it! We want Smiley!
Show us the bird!
EXT. AERIAL - FAR ABOVE TOWN HALL - INTERCUT
MacDuff rolls and folds his wings into a steep dive.
RUFUS
(amplified)
All right, all right, youre so
shy, all of a sudden, Dahlia! On
behalf of the Valley Birders Club,
I give you, their very own...SMILEY
NUTHATCH SMILEY NUTHATCH!!
Huge CHEERS as Rufus whips the cover off the birdcage.
INT. BIRD CAGE
Smiley cowers, unable to hide from the noise and electronic
flashes. HUGE CHEER! Lenses, microphones, faces, Rufus,
Dahlia, everyone leering at the cage.
REPORTERS
Smiley! Over here, Smiley! Little
birdie! Whaddya got to say, Smiley!
Give us a sound bite!
Smiley is clearly petrified. He looks around. Amanda looks at
him and takes the flag from Rufus and covers the cage, to
everyones annoyance.
AERIAL - THE FALCON
dives straight down. Vapor whirls off his swept-back wings.

79.

ON THE STEPS
AMANDA
Youre going to scare him to death!
GROSBEAK
We think he caught a bug.
DAHLIA
Thats what birds do.
GROSBEAK
Not that kind of bug. Hes not
well.
(to reporters)
Little birds like that, it doesnt
take much for them to pop off.
(to Dahlia)
We wouldnt want anything to happen
to your Nuthatch, would we.
THE FALCON
flattens its trajectory across the heads of the crowd, toward
TOWN HALL, talons extendedA terrifying SCREECH -- Rufus looks around -- Doris leans
back -- REDSTART puts his hands up-Macduff swoops in and grabs the cage in his talons and FLAPS
BACKWARDS-Smiley!

AMANDA

EVERYONE is frozen by a FLASH.

INSERT: BLACK AND WHITE PHOTO
The moment of the Falcons impact is an identical pose to the
famous photo of the shooting of Oswald by Jack Ruby.
EXT. SPARTREE - DAY
The photo is on the front page of the Spartree paper, read by
a YOUNG REPORTER.
YOUNG REPORTER
Nice leader. Bird eats bird. Wish
Id thought of it.

80.

Crews pack up gear, barricades are taken down, streets are

swept, souvenir stands closed.
The reporter, wearing a Smiley Nuthatch jacket, approaches
Gannet, flaps the paper at him.
YOUNG REPORTER
Can I get a ride with you guys?
PETER GANNET
Im sticking around another day or
two.
YOUNG REPORTER
What for? The birds a goner.
History. Feathers and a beak,
thats all thats left. The jokes
on us. Im filing it and moving
on.
The reporter walks away. A newspaper blows across the street
and we
WIPE TO:
INT. SAINT FRANCIS CHURCH - DAY
Jennings, Swallow and a cluster of animals stare at the torn
front page of the paper. The mouse reaches out to Swallow.
EXT. ABANDONED BARN - DAY
The barn is partially caved in, missing half its roof.
INT. ABANDONED BARN - DAY
A shaft of early morning SUNLIGHT reveals broken farm
furniture and old machines, and on an old workbenchTHE BIRDCAGE
Smiley, his feathers torn and dirty, stares out hollowly from
the perch.
A THICK ROPE leads from a winch to an old TRUCK ENGINE
hanging from a pulley above the table. Smiley holds the toy
magnifying glass in one claw, playing with a beam of
sunlight. He focuses it on the rope. A small curl of smoke.

81.

MacDuff steps out of the shadows.

MACDUFF
You gonna tell me or do you want
more of the same?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
You came all the way up here for a
few lousy seeds?
MACDUFF
That fire you started? The whole
crop -- gone.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Whats it to you?
MACDUFF
(close and threatening)
I...lost...my...job! You dont know
falcons, do you. We dont like
little birds. Especially birds that
cause trouble.
The magnifying glass has the rope burning. Unfortunately,
Smileys cage is directly underneath the heavy engine.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Chicken breath.
MACDUFF
You got a big mouth for a little
bird!
Macduff attacks the cage, sliding it toward the edge. Not far
enough for Smiley.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Ah, yer uglier n a condor and half
as bright.
MACDUFF
After Im finished with you, your
rotting carcass will stink up the
whole forest.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Dont count on it.
MACDUFF
You chirped your last chirp,
Nuthatch!

82.

The raptor attacks, knocking the cage closer to the rope.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
So long, pinhead!
Smiley jabs out a claw, grabbing the rope as...PING!
final strands part.

The

Smiley slams into the top of the cage as the rope reels up.
MacDuff watches the cage rocket up. On the other end, the
engine block-SMASHES the table, and MacDuff.
At apogee, Smiley lets go -- the cage arcs OUT through the
hole in the roof -EXT. ABANDONED BARN - DAY
And bounces down and rolls off and SPLASHES into a RAIN
BARREL. Several FROGS leap out.
INT. RAIN BARREL - UNDERWATER
At the bottom of the barrel, Smiley tries to open the cage.
Hes running out of air!
The little birds last bubbles -- A FROG dives in and uses
his powerful rear legs to pull the cage wires apart.
Smiley GASPS as he reaches the surface. He hooks his wings
over the edge and squirts water.
EXT. ANIMAL HOSPITAL - EVENING
An AIR VENT. Three screws missing. The fourth unscrews and
falls out. A small CURVED BEAK pushes the vent off the wall.
OWL appears.
One wing is in a sling, tied against his chest. He uses his
beak and claws to climb up a telephone cable.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - EVENING
A pair of boots on the desk. The body hidden by a BIG CITY
newspaper. Front page has photo of Smiley and Rufus.

83.

FBI Investigates Bird Fraud.

Who? Who?

OWL

The newspaper lowers. Grosbeak in the mayors chair sees Owl

climb in the corner window of the office.
EXT. TOWN HALL - STATUE - EVENING
The stands are gone. The street is quiet. The Global News
truck is out of its hole, its satellite dish folded.
Smiley lands on the statue out front.
OWL
(distant)
Who...Who.
Smiley looks around. Again, the owl calls.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - EVENING
Grosbeak gets up slowly. Rolls the paper.
Who! Who!

OWL

Grosbeak towers over the owl.

SMILEY NUTHATCH
Yank! Yank!
Grosbeak spins. Smiley lands on the desk.
GROSBEAK
You! Youre still alive!
Grosbeak makes a break for the door and slams it shut.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
(to Owl)
Wheres my luggage!
OWL
Is that all you care about? I lost
a good friend...
SMILEY NUTHATCH
The mouse? Hes not dead, hes
working for Swallow.

84.

OWL
I dont know what Id do without
him.
Grosbeak opens the door a crack. Behind him, the two birds
chirp and hoot.
GROSBEAK
Doris, go down to the animal
shelter, and bring back a net.
DORIS (OFF)
Youre not my boss.
GROSBEAK
Just get the net.
He closes the door, then tiptoes across to the window, behind
Owl, and slides it shut.
OWL
You look like youve been through
hell.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
You look like you just got back.
GROSBEAK
You birds think youre so smart. No
animal is ever going to outwit a
human!
OWL
Hes built a mouse trap.
GROSBEAK
Theres rare and theres extinct.
Owl SCREECHES, a terrifying cry that startles both Nuthatch
and Grosbeak.
MICE, dozens of them, run out of holes, drop from the ceiling
on strings, commando-style, bite through phone wires, crawl
up Grosbeak. He tries to brush them off.
Ayy-yaa!

GROSBEAK

The door opens. Doris holds a net.

DORIS
Heres your -- oh, dear.

85.

GROSBEAK
Forget the net. We need cats! Go
downstairs and open the cages.
Grosbeak runs out and slams the door behind him.
OWL
Now whos in charge! Good work,
mice.
The mice file back into the woodwork.
OWL
I never thought Id say that.
Smiley stands before Owl, on the carpet.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
You lied to me.
OWL
Yes. For good reason.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Im an ordinary Nuthatch.
OWL
Not so ordinary.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
These? They arent mine.
OWL
I didnt mean your feathers.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
All I ever wanted was my seeds.
OWL
If I tell you where Jennings hid
them, what will you do? Leave us?
Or stay and fight? This is our last
stand, Nuthatch. Theyve backed us
into a corner. We have nowhere to
go.
Smiley looks at Owl. Two small birds in this grand office.

86.

INT. JAIL - NIGHT

Somewhere in the bowels of Town Hall. Police Chief Redstart
rattles a key ring as he accompanies Amanda along corridors.
Stray CATS underfoot.
REDSTART
I like that one with the white
paws...
They enter the jail. Rufus lies on a bunk behind bars.
Hey.

AMANDA

RUFUS
Hey, yourself.
Redstart unlocks the cell. Amanda looks at him.
AMANDA
Do you have to do this?
She enters and leans against a wall. Redstart locks her in.
AMANDA
Call Dahlia, will you?
REDSTART
Sure thing, Mandy.
RUFUS
What do you want her for?
AMANDA
Tell her Im in jail. With my
husband.
RUFUS
Oh, youve got to be kidding.
Redstart, let her out of here.
REDSTART
I dont take orders from you.
Youre not the mayor anymore.
Rufus sits up.
I am so.

RUFUS

87.

REDSTART
Mayor Grosbeak says you arent.
RUFUS
Mayor!? That double-crossing, backstabbing, lying-AMANDA
Sounds like you-REDSTART
Just so you two know. We arent
equipped for conjugal rights.
Redstart walks away and the outer door slams and locks.
RUFUS
You dont need to worry about that.
Amanda leans against the cell door.
RUFUS
Whatre you in for, toots?
AMANDA
Same as you. Fraud. Conspiracy.
Half a dozen other crimes. Its
baloney.
RUFUS
Did you paint and feather that
bird?
AMANDA
I wouldnt do that.
Rufus squints. Her eyes widen.
AMANDA
Dont be so quick to blame me.
RUFUS
Well, someone did.
AMANDA
It was an accident.
RUFUS
An accidental tarring and
feathering?
AMANDA
Long story.

88.

RUFUS
Ive got time to listen.
For once.

AMANDA

An long, uncomfortable silence.

RUFUS
This is like a counselling session
without the questions.
Rufus gets up. She keeps her distance. As they cross, they
brush by one another. They havent touched in a long time. He
rattles the cell door.
RUFUS
This is an outrage! Treason!
He pulls his tie off. Breathing fast.
RUFUS
I cant breath. I need a lawyer.
Ive got claustrophobia. I think
Im having a heart attack.
Amanda shakes a pillow out of its pillowcase and hands it to
Rufus.
AMANDA
Put this over your head and stop
talking.
What for.

RUFUS

AMANDA
Youre hyperventilating.
He puts it over his head.
RUFUS
...I dont its working.
AMANDA
Put your head between your knees.
She holds out her hand. Guides him to the bed.
There now.

AMANDA

She sits next to him. He keeps the pillowcase on his head.

89.

AMANDA
Is that better?
RUFUS
(long sigh)
This is all my fault.
AMANDA
No...no...well, yes, but...
RUFUS
I let Grosbeak twist me around his
little finger. I was so singleminded about my election promises,
about saving the town, I let him
ram the golf course through.
(pause)
You know, the ballots showed I lost
the election.
AMANDA
I know I didnt vote for you.
RUFUS
Neither did I.
A squeak, squeak sound. He removes the pillowcase. Amanda
plays with her bird-call thing.
RUFUS
You love that stupid little bird.
She begins to cry.
AMANDA
(sniffling)
I felt sorry for him. When he got
trapped in my studio...I tried to
catch him...I wanted to clean off
the paint and the feathers...if I
had...none of this would have
happened...and now hes...its so
horrible, the way it ended.
Rufus touches her hand. Amanda uses the pillowcase to blow
her nose. They sit, silent.
She plays with the bird thing again.

90.

INT. MAYORS OFFICE - NIGHT

Smiley and Owl next to an air vent at floor level. Smiley
cocks his head. The bird squeaker echoes from the vent.
SMILEY
There it is, again.
OWL
What kind of bird is that?
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Gimme a claw, here.
The Owl uses his beak and claws to help pry off the cover.
INT. TOWN HALL - NIGHT
Grosbeak and Redstart, their faces streaked with scratches,
walk down a hall with several squirming cats in their arms.
GROSBEAK
This ought to flush em out.
REDSTART
I cant hold the mayor longer than
24 hours. Its not constitutional.
GROSBEAK
Im the mayor behind the mayor.
REDSTART
We didnt elect you.
GROSBEAK
I spent all night spoiling ballots
to put him in office.
REDSTART
Yeow!
(cat leaps away)
Whyd you do that?
GROSBEAK
Gives me leverage without tying my
hands. He knows whos boss.
REDSTART
I thought you two were buddies.

91.

GROSBEAK
Politics makes strange bedfellows.
EXT. SAINT FRANCIS CHURCH - NIGHT
The last glow of sunset backlights the stained glass.
SWALLOW (O.S.)
Generations ago we lived with the
tall ones in harmony. We shared the
forest as equals.
INT. CHURCH - NIGHT
Wall to wall animals. Swallow addresses them from the pulpit.
SWALLOW
There was food enough for all!
(pauses for effect)
Now, Im not a predator like some
of you. Dont get me wrong hunting food is an honorable
practice, going back to the
beginning of time. We accept this
as the way of life.
THREE VOLES nod and hold hands.
SWALLOW
The tall ones mock the natural
order! They hunt us -- for fun!
They destroy our homes -- for a
game!
The packed congregation gets really quiet.
SWALLOW
We have a right to live, in our
world, in our forest. They want to
play games? Tomorrow well
challenge them to play their
greatest game - WAR!
The ROAR rattles the stained glass windows. Swallow looks at
the mouse.
Jennings raises a tiny, clenched paw.

92.

EXT. TOWN HALL - NIGHT

The animals roar echoes across town. The Town Hall is mostly
dark. Strange metallic sounds. Echoes. Thumps and bumps.
INT. TOWN HALL - CORRIDORS - NIGHT
Following sounds along the ceiling, where, with each thud or
bump, the direction changes. Travelling along the air vents.
This goes on through several corridors. Clangs, Rufus and
Amandas muffled voices, thuds, wrong turns.
INT. AIR VENT
Inside the vent, Rufus and Amandas voices echo...
AMANDA (OFF)
Youre crowding me.
RUFUS (OFF)
Cant you give me-AMANDA (OFF)
Youre the one with the big ass-RUFUS (OFF)
Just...move...over.
Something from inside the vent blocks the light, and then the
cover falls off. Smiley is silhouetted as-Rufus and Amanda sit up in the single bunk, startled.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Yank! Yank!
RUFUS
What are YOU doing here.
They look up at the vent. Smiley is dirty and dishevelled.
EXT. BELLTOWER - DAWN
TWO HUGE EYES blink. Behind them, a tiny pair of mouse ears.
Jennings pans a pair of opera glasses which are attached to
an old weather vane.
HIS POV:

93.

A Hummingbird joins three more hummers, flanking Swallow,

flying low and fast toward town.
EXT. TOWN HALL ROOF - DAWN
The four Hummers hover at the corners of the roof.
Swallow watches as Owl climbs onto the roof, his broken wing
still held next to his body in a sling.
OWL
Reports of my demise have been
greatly exaggerated.
(grunts painfully)
Everything on schedule?
SWALLOW
Were ready. Youre not well.
OWL
Never mind about me. You! Hummer!
A hummingbird appears instantly beside the owl. Owl pulls out
one of his own feathers. The hummer takes it and zips away.
OWL
Jennings is at his station?
SWALLOW
Yes. Everyones in place.
OWL
Well, here we go.
Swallow and Owl look out over the town.
EXT. SAINT FRANCIS CHURCH - DAWN
The hummingbird hovers nearby. Jennings holds Owls feather
next to his cheek.
Jennings lets the feather fall to the main floor where a BEAR
sleeps.
The bears nose twitches as the feather tickles it. Jennings,
looking down, waits. The bear continues to snore. Jennings
gesticulates and jumps up and down. He leaps across to the
bell and tries swinging it. It doesnt budge. Then he slides
down the bell rope.

94.

INT. TRUCK CAB - DAWN

The DRIVER, listening to country music, squints and then
STANDS on his brakes-SQUEALING, SMOKING TIRES-A platoon of BEAVERS stand back as the pilings supporting the
bridge give way and the structure shifts and slides-The truck burns skid marks to the edge of the small chasm as
the bridge collapses into the stream.
EXT. POTATO FIELD - DAWN
THIRTY GOPHERS pop up from holes. Each one has a rope made
from bits of string slung over its shoulder. Some have small
satchels, or tools, like clothespins and nail files. They
stand silhouetted against the rising sun.
EXT. VARIOUS NEIGHBORHOODS - MORNING
Raccoons leap out of hiding places.
They jump onto cars, setting off CAR ALARMS. They use their
CLAWS to puncture tires and scratch the paint.
EXT. POTATO FIELD - MORNING
A LOW THRUMMING sound increases. The gophers brace
themselves, all of them lean in one direction.
EXT. AERIAL - LOW LEVEL FLIGHT
SHADOWS of large BIRDS with six-foot-plus wingspans race
across the field. The THRUMMING SOUND is the beating of
dozens of huge wings-TIGHT on the undersides of EAGLES, as their sharp TALONS
lower like landing gear and extend forward.
WHAP! A gopher is snatched. WHAP! Another. And another! Each
eagle snags a gopher skyward.
A gopher, eyes tearing in the slipstream, gives a thumbs up
to his buddy held tight under another eagle.
Airborne. First of the first.

95.

EXT. A NEST
A ROBIN stops feeding her chicks. The excited chicks jump up
and down as wave after wave of eagles passes overhead.
INT. JAIL
Amanda and Rufus stand by the cell door. Clicking sound.
Theyre watching Smiley, on the other side, use a
straightened PAPERCLIP to pick the lock.
AMANDA
(whispers)
Nuthatches are known to use tools.
RUFUS
Hes got such a tiny head. I dont
see how...I mean, he cant have
much going on upstairs.
At that moment, Smiley pauses.
AMANDA
Now look what youve done.
But the bird gets back to work. A final clunk and the cell
door creaks open.
AMANDA
Come on, then, mister bird expert.
EXT. TRANSFORMER STATION - DAWN
A high-voltage HUM. Three RATS climb a tower.
RAT LEADER
Its been a privilege and an honor
training with you.
The two other rats stand on their hind legs and salute him.
RAT LEADER
For Owl, Swallow and the Forest!
Each Rat BITES into one of three high-tension cables. A
millisecond X-ray view of rat bodies and a BRILLIANT FLASH--

96.

EXT. SPARTREE - TOWN CENTRE

The towns TRAFFIC LIGHT goes dark. The hotel sign, the store
signs and ALL INTERIOR LIGHTS go dark.
INT. TOWN HALL - CORRIDORS
A few battery-operated emergency lights are on, but mostly
its dark, as Rufus and Amanda, with Smiley on her shoulder,
head upstairs.
RUFUS
Whats that sound?
EXT. AERIAL - SPARTREE
An Eagle releases its gopher. And another. The sky darkens
with plummeting gophers.
EXT. WHISKEY JACK HOTEL ROOF
THUMP! A furry paratrooper hits the deck and rolls. It gets
up and scampers to the side of the hotel. More gophers -Thump-thump!
A gopher with a WOOD MATCH skids across the tarpaper,
igniting the match.
EXT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
Roman candles and other fireworks explode across town.
GUESTS, some still in pajamas, gather outside -- but have to
dash under awnings for cover as -- SEAGULLS splatter them.
Peter Gannet exits in a FLACK JACKET.
PETER GANNET
Get me an uplink! What are you
standing around for? It doesnt get
any better than this!
Collars the wide-eyed young CAMERAWOMAN holding a Betacam and
they run in a crouch, fireworks exploding around them, past a
MOOSE trailing a line of washing -- to the Global News truck.

97.

INSERT - GLOBAL NEWS VIDEO

Animated MAP of WASHINGTON STATE zooms in to a small dot in
the northwest: Spartree.
GLOBAL NEWS ANNOUNCER
Peter? Peter, can you hear me?
VIDEO SHOT: camera knocked sideways. Peter Gannet wrestles
with a gopher while another one BITES the valve off a tire.
GLOBAL NEWS ANNOUNCER
Peter? Whats going on there?
The video breaks up, re-establishes long enough for-PETER GANNET
Rebel forces...dawn attack!
The picture goes to snow, returns to MAP of Washington.
INT. MAYORS OFFICE - RECEPTION
Hands slam a door shut. Rufus and Amanda, out of breath. A
ROAR in the hall.
RUFUS
Bears look a lot a heck of a lot
bigger indoors, dont they?
Doris is at her desk.
DORIS
Its good to have you back, Mister
Mayor.
(mumbles)
The other mayor wasnt very nice.
RUFUS
Doris...Would you mind helping us
push your desk against the door
here?
As he turns around, Doris and Amanda see a WEASEL is attached
to the seat of his trousers.
DORIS
Oh, Mayor, you have something-AMANDA
Doesnt it hurt?

98.

RUFUS
Only when I sit down. Of course it
hurts. Priorities, Mandy. Thats
the key to Emergency Planning. When
youre being chased by a
grizzly...what are you doing?
Doris empties a metal wastepaper basket and holds it over
Rufuss bum. She drums on the basket, hard. The dazed weasel
falls off, a patch of trousers in its mouth.
RUFUS
Quick thinking, Doris. Im going to
see you get a citation.
DORIS
Id rather get a raise.
Scratching and thumps against the door, bulging inward.
Push!

RUFUS

The three of them shove Doriss desk in front of the door,

but the door splinters and CRACKS OPEN! Everyone is frozen.
The bear faces the three of them.
DORIS
Shoo! This is the mayors office.
For mayors, not bears. Go on, go on
now.
The giant bear looks confused. It looks past them. Rufus
turns. The stuffed bear.
DORIS
Thats right. Thats what happened
to the last bear that tried to take
over. Now, scoot. Off you go!
The bear bolts down the hallway.
INT/EXT. MAYORS OFFICE - LATER
Doris, Amanda and Rufus watch from the office window.
Across the street, the VOLUNTEER FIRE DEPARTMENT tries in
vain to keep a line charged from a hastily repaired hydrant.
Small fires in storefronts, the hotel roof...various CRASHING
sounds, a few animals here and there...but no people.

99.

EXT. SPARTREE - NIGHT

A wolfs lonely CRY. Out of a side street, Rufus looks around
a building. He makes a dash for it, then Amanda and Doris.
Animals patrol Main Street. Its almost like an evening
passegiata, couples of different species enjoying the town.
Except for the shattered stores. And smoldering fires.
EXT. HIGHWAY - WOODEN BRIDGE - NIGHT
Grosbeak, his clothes torn and muddy, climbs up the bank from
the stream, beside the fallen bridge.
GROSBEAK
Im going to have every animal
stuffed, especially that -- Aiiyah!
An M-16 muzzle boinks into Grosbeaks nose. He looks up at a
camouflage-painted SOLDIER wearing night vision goggles.
A huge traffic jam of ARMY TRUCKS, TANKS and other vehicles
belching smoke, stretches back down the highway. Engineers
bring sections of a Bailey Bridge forward.
Army LINESMEN repair phone and power cables.
COLONEL DAYTON, chomping a cigar, taps a large map of the
Spartree area, unfolded on a jeeps hood.
COL.DAYTON
Who the hell are you?
The mayor.

GROSBEAK

COL.DAYTON
I just spoke to the mayor.
GROSBEAK
Im the real mayor. Youve got to
find the ringleader.
COL.DAYTON
Who is that?
GROSBEAK
Who! Ha-ha. Thats good. Youre
right, Whooo! Whooo! Find the Owl.
And the Nuthatch. Theyre in
cahoots.

100.

COL.DAYTON
Get a medic over here, Sargeant!
GROSBEAK
Ah hell, its only a few cuts. Look
what they did to our bridge.
COL.DAYTON
The owl and the nuthatch, you say.
Are you sure it wasnt the walrus
and the carpenter?
GROSBEAK
Obviously not!
(stares at busted bridge)
Looks like the beavers are in on
it, too.
A MEDIC takes Rufus by the arm.
GROSBEAK
(shaking him off)
Im fine. Really. You know, all I
wanted to do was play golf...
Another SOLDIER helps the Medic take Grosbeak away.
MEDIC
Tell me about the Nuthatch.
GROSBEAK
The other mayor. I deliberately
lost the election, see? I know it
sounds nuts...
MEDIC
No, no, not at all...now come
along...
Hes led away. SEARCHLIGHTS sweep the pointy ends of the
support timbers as the Bailey Bridge is brought forward.
INSERT - TELEVISION
Map of Washington State. Little computer flames erupt from
Spartree. A fancy GRAPHIC swirls into frame with typical,
dramatic music: SIEGE OF SPARTREE - DAY TWO
Helicopter footage of the town. Fires. Dramatic, handheld
urban street-fighting shots.

101.

INT. RUFUSS DEN

Rufus and Amanda watch the TV and eat popcorn, snuggled
together on his ratty couch. Wearing bathrobes.
RUFUS
We could rent out the other half.
AMANDA
Shhh, well talk about it later.
On the floor, Doris watches, from a sleeping bag.
EXT. VARIOUS STREETS - DAWN
Soldiers cover each other, moving into town. Someone knocks
over a garbage can. A soldier aims. A CHICKEN surrenders.
Fifty BIRDWATCHERS block Main Street on the way into town.
DAHLIA
You can stop right there. Youre
not going any further.
SOLDIER
Maam, move aside.
No.

DAHLIA

BIRDERS
Birds not bombs. Birds not bombs.
SOLDIER
Now, ladies, go on home and let us
do whats got to be done.
DAHLIA
Over my dead body!
A helicopter in the distance.
EXT. CHURCH ROOF
Jennings, wearing his half-walnut helmet, looks down on a
TANK rumbling along Main. Soldiers run house to house, street
to street, covering each other.

102.

LOUDSPEAKER
For your own safety, remain in your
homes. Stay off the streets.
The helicopter flies low over the church. The rotor wash
blows Jennings over the edge. He hangs on a rain gutter.
The chopper thuds toward town centre. Jennings climbs up.
Smiley is on the roof. Jennings has tears in his eyes. He
shakes his head and shrugs.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Owl wants to speak to you. Come on,
climb aboard the Nuthatch express.
Mind your step.
EXT. TOWN HALL - DAY
The BUZZING becomes the sound of a generator, and other army
vehicles. A TANK churns up the grass on the village green.
Soldiers herd moose, deer and other animals into trucks.
EXT. AERIAL - OVER THE TOWN SQUARE
Smiley flies over the army-controlled town, with Jennings
riding on his neck, bareback. Jennings tugs on Smileys head.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Im flying as fast as I can!
The mouse tugs again.
What!

SMILEY NUTHATCH

Jennings points and Smiley banks.

EXT. TOWN HALL - STATUE
They land on the chainsaw-carved statue. Jennings shows
Smiley the woodpeckers hole.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
I dont want a downtown nest.
Jennings boots the bird. Smiley goes into the hole--

103.

And stumbles over -- his seed satchel. Jennings, at the

opening, grins. Smiley pecks at it. Seeds. PAPAGALLO SEEDS.
INT. CHURCH
The GRIZZLY stands on his hind legs and holds the bell rope.
Tears roll down his face. Swallow is on his shoulder.
Go ahead.

SWALLOW

The bear pulls on the rope.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
The distant tolling of the bell. ANIMALS, silent save for
clicking hooves and claws on pavement, file out of town.
They jump out of army trucks. They leap over fences.
Soldiers and citizens watch, uncertain what to do.
EXT. AERIAL - SPARTREE
Flying fast and low. First we see a familiar beak, the red
streak on either side.
Then his stubby wings, beating fast.
Finally, his long, beautiful, tattered white and blue tail,
steaming behind him. Flying faster than hes ever flown. And
in his claws, his satchel of seeds.
EXT. MAIN STREET
Voices and two-way radios fade in and out. Shopkeepers sweep
broken glass. Repair crews work on the water mains.
PETER GANNET
...so ends the strange, forty-eight
hour reign of terror. The Siege of
Spartree has been broken. We may
never know what prompted the
animals to rise against this small
town...
Colonel Dayton, Rufus and Amanda pass Gannet and his tv crew.

104.

COL.DAYTON
Well, mayor, I respect an adversary
that knows tactics. Classic
enfilade manoeuver.
Distant gunfire sound.
COL.DAYTON
(into portable radio)
I thought I said no shooting!
RADIO/MALE
Its not us!
Sound gets louder. And then, a SONIC BOOM. They dive for
cover!
EXT. AERIAL - SPARTREE
Smiley dives and SPITS SEEDS from his beak like an A-10
Thunderbolt!
Seeds ricochet off sidewalks. Off houses. Off the tanks.
He does a half barrel roll, and while upside down, reloads
from the sack hes carrying.
CLOSE on Smileys beak. Firing seeds. Racing at ground level.
A WORM dives into a hole as seeds whack the soil around it.
Seeds splat across a flower bed. Direct hits into cracks in
pavement.
He flies over Town Hall.
EXT. TOWN HALL - STREET LEVEL
Everyone looks up. Smiley rockets over them. More seeds
ricochet off the buildings.
Various guns track him. Amanda puts her hand on the Colonels
arm.
AMANDA
Dont shoot. Please.
COL.DAYTON
Hold your fire, hold your fire!
Silence. People get up.

105.

SARGEANT
What the hell was that?
Amanda takes Rufuss hand. She opens his palm. And drops the
bird caller into his hand.
Rufus looks at the device. He tries it. It squeaks. A flash
of wings-Smiley lands in his hand, breathing hard.
Rufus lifts Smiley to his face. They are beak to nose.
Smiley drops a single red seed in his palm.
AMANDA
Hes saying good-bye.
They watch him fly over the Town Hall roof, his red beak and
white and blue tail feathers resplendent in the sun.
A DEEP, HEAVY RUMBLE, like an earthquake...
EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY
A hand places a GOLF BALL on a tee. Further distant rumbles
continue throughout the scene. The ground trembles a little.
Golf shoes.
Rufus, against a blue sky, dressed every bit the golfer.
RUFUS
This is do-able. I can market this.
He raises his club. As he swings, GUY barks. Thwock!
RUFUS
How many times do I have to tell
you...
He exits frame, Guy bounds happily after him.
Amanda and Dahlia with binoculars.
AMANDA
Whats that?
DAHLIA
I think...yes, its a Blue-naped
Chlorophonia! Oh, this is
wonderful, Rufus!

106.

RUFUS (OFF)
Yeah, its something, isnt it? Im
going to call it the worlds
toughest course!
Amanda watches Rufus and Guy search for the ball in a thicket
of huge, tangled PAPAGALLO VINES. More earthquake tremors.
RUFUS
The Spartree Challenge.
They walk toward the abandoned skeleton of a vine-strangled
CLUBHOUSE. Guy gives chase to a butterfly.
CRANE UP to reveal...
The town, beyond the golf course-Spartree is completely overgrown by TROPICAL VEGETATION.
Vines puncture roofs and curl across streets. A new vine
bursts through the roof of a house.
People in backyards hack at them, or not...some vines have
been trained, like topiary, to form arches and bridges. The
town is somehow coping, in its new tropical environment.
Going further UP and BACK...
Colorful Papagallo flowers entwine around a huge old tree...
And two pairs of bird legs dangle off a branch, overlooking
the worlds toughest golf course.
Owl sits next to Jennings. Owl holds open a book, which is
upside down. A record of the revolution, from clippings.
SMILEY NUTHATCH
Yank! Yank!
Above them, the Woodpecker taps the finishing touches to a
new square hole.
We push past him into the cavity in the tree.
Smiley braces himself as Swallow tugs at his blue and white
tail feathers. The two birds turn to the camera.
Yank!

SMILEY NUTHATCH

Smiley slams the door of the nest shut.

FADE TO BLACK.