Introduction

People need a philosophy of life -- a plan for what they want to get out of livi
ng.
The first requirement of such a philosophy is to have a grand goal for living. W
ithout such a goal, there's a risk that you will mis-live your life. That is, yo
u might enjoy parts of it or even most of it, but spend the end wishing you had
done things differently.
The second requirement is to have a strategy for reaching you grand goal. Your s
trategy will guide you through each day, telling you what you should do to get c
loser to your goal.
Today, to be stoic means to banish emotion from your life.For the original Stoics
, however, the goal was not to eliminate all emotions, but to eliminate negative
emotions.
In ancient Greece, the Cyrenaics advocated pleasure and taking every opportunity
to experience it, while the Cynics advocated an ascetic lifestyle of wanting no
thing. The Stoics were in the middle, suggesting that we should enjoy life's ple
asures, but not be attached to them. In fact, even while we are enjoying life, w
e should occasionally step back and contemplate the loss of whatever we are enjo
ying in order to appreciate it more, and to not be wholly unprepared if it ever
goes away.
The Stoics advocatedtranquility, which they saw as the absence of negative emotio
ns like grief, anger, and anxiety, and the presence of positive emotions, like j
oy.
Negative Visualization
It's valuable to occasionally visualize the bad things that can happen to you: y
ou can lose your health, the people around you, your material possessions, and s
o on. One value of such visualization is that it helps you protect yourself from
some possibilities. For example, if you imagine someone breaking into your hous
e, you might start thinking of ways to make your house more secure. Another valu
e of such visualization is that it helps you brace for bad things, some of which
you'll eventually encounter in the course of your life. Seneca, a famous Stoic,
says misfortune weights most heavily on those who "expect nothing but good fort
une."
Most people are running on the hedonic treadmill: good and bad things happen to
you, you temporarily become more or less happy, and then you get used to your ne
w status quo and revert to your natural level of happiness. Using negative visua
lization helps you maintain an appreciation for the good things in your life so
that you don't become used to them and numb to their positive influence.
"The easiest way for us to gain happiness is to learn how to want the things we
already have."
We should occasionally think about losing the people close to us due to death, f
alling out, etc. "When we say goodbye to a friend, we should silently remind our
selves that this might be our final parting. If we do this, we will be less like
ly to take our friends for granted, and as a result, we will probably derive far
more pleasure from friendships than we otherwise would."
When the Stoics advocated living each life as if it were our last, they didn't m
ean that we should change our activities, but that we should change our state of
mind as we carry out our activities.
Many people spend their idle time thinking about things they want to but don't h
ave. We would be much better off thinking about how much we already have, and ab
out how we would miss what we have if it were gone. [Personal side note: there h
ave been numerous studies that show that periodically enumerating the things we
are grateful for is one of the few activities that consistently improves happine
ss.]
It's not a matter of optimism or pessimism, or the glass being half empty or hal
f full; it's about appreciating having water, and having a glass, and even appre
ciating the fact that something as convenient and useful as a glass exists, and
so on.
Negative visualization is somewhat akin to people having near death experiences.

On the one hand, these experiences are tragic, on the other hand, people typica
lly emerge with a zest for living and an appreciation for the smallest things in
life. The nice thing about negative visualization is that you don't have to act
ually experience a catastrophe in order to appreciate life more.
An important thing to keep in mind is that one should not spend ALL of his time
contemplating things that can go wrong. It's good enough to remind yourself of h
ow much you have a few times per day or per week.
The goal of negative visualization is not to worry but to contemplate. You shoul
d try to intellectually consider things that could happen without letting that a
ffect your emotions.
Kissing your lover or watching a movie with your siblings or driving your car mi
ght be unremarkable, but if you know you're about to experience one last kiss or
one last movie or one last drive, the experiences can hit you with a surprising
emotional intensity. The goal of contemplating the impermanence of what you hav
e is to give everything a greater intensity and significance.
The Trichotomy of Control
The key to happiness is only wanting things that you already have or that you ca
n be certain of obtaining. Instead of changing the world to fit your desires, ch
ange your desires.
The only way you can be certain of obtaining something is if you have full contr
ol.
There are two kinds of desires: things that are under our control (e.g. eating l
ess) and things are that are not under our control (e.g. less rain in Seattle).
If we want things that are not up to us, we will be upset when things don't work
out and we don't get what we want. We also feel more anxious during the pursuit
of something we can't control because we know that we can do everything possibl
e and still return empty-handed. This anxiety manifests itself regardless of whe
ther we end up getting what we want.
In addition to things where we have full control or no control, there are also t
hings where we have partial control. For example, if we want to win a tennis mat
ch, we don't have control over our opponent or how they play, but we do have con
trol over how hard we train and how much effort we make during the match.
Generally, we should spend our time and energy focusing on things where we have
control. Some of the things we have complete control over include our goals, our
values, and our character.
It's foolish to spend effort on things we can't control at all because our effor
t won't make any difference.
For things where you have some control, it's important to focus on the pieces th
at you can affect.For example, with the tennis match example above, the best chan
ce of winning a match is to play as best as you can. However, the outcome is not
in you control, so you should not worry about it or focus on it. If your goal i
s to win, you will be anxious during the game and disappointed if you lose; if y
ou focus on playing your best, you will be happy as long as you played your best
.
An interesting example from the book is how to concern yourself with your husban
d or wife. The author suggests that you should want your spouse to love you, but
that when you do concern yourself with his/her love, you should focus on what y
ou can do and how you can behave to make yourself as lovable as possible. You sh
ould not focus on whether or not the love is actually there because you can't co
ntrol another person's feelings.
Another example from the book is that of an aspiring author. They obviously want
to get published, but their goals should only be regarding things under their c
ontrol, like how hard they work on their novel or how many times they submit it
to publishers.
By focusing on things that you can control, you might not actually change your b
ehavior (i.e. you're still behaving as if your goal was to get published or to w
in a tennis match), but you will be more tranquil as you go through life, and yo
u will increase you chances of achieving the external goals where you only have
partial control.

Self-Denial
In addition to occasionally contemplating bad things happening, we should occasi
onally live as if they had happened.
For example, turn your phone off for a day or eat a meal that's simpler and chea
per than what you're accustomed to. This is like a vaccine: exposing yourself to
a little discomfort makes you more immune to it.
Other benefits of self-denial include cultivating appreciation for what you alre
ady have and gaining the confidence that you can withstand discomfort.
One way to practice self-denial is to do things that make you feel bad (like bei
ng underdressed for cold weather). Another way to practice is to not do things t
hat feel good like having ice cream or getting a massage.
Practicing stoicism develops your willpower and helps you gain more self-discipl
ine and self-control. [This is definitely true. See related notes on the Willpow
er book:http://www.quora.com/Leo-Polovet...
Ironically, self-denial can be quite pleasurable. If you're contemplating a cand
y bar, deciding to eat it would lead to pleasure, but deciding to abstain will g
ive you pleasure in your ability to hold back.
Meditation and Reflection
It's useful to reflect occasionally -- perhaps daily -- on how your stoicism pra
ctice is progressing. Where is it working and where can you show improvement?
More advanced stoics will speak more with actions than words. A beginner will gi
ve up wine for water and then tell her friends about her self-control; an advanc
ed stoic will drink the water and let her action speak for itself.
Advice on Duty
A stoic should help others without expecting praise or indulging in the feeling
of helpfulness. Help someone, then move on to helping someone else.
Advice on Social Relations
Other people are the sources of some our greatest joys, but also of many sorrows
and frustrations. Other people have a great ability to disturb our tranquility.
A potential dilemma for stoics is that embracing people puts tranquility at risk
, but shunning people keeps us from performing our social duty.
One part of the solution is to associate yourself with good people who share you
r values.
If you have to deal with annoying people, remember that some people find you ann
oying, too. By being empathetic you will become more tolerant. Being annoyed wou
ld only make things worse for everyone.
When people behave inhumanely, we should not feel toward them as they feel towar
d others. If you feel the need to be angry at someone or seek revenge, remember
that the best revenge against a person is to refuse to be like him.
Advice on Insults
Most people become angry (and less tranquil) when insulted.
One way to maintain tranquility is to analyze whether the insult is true. If it
is, then there is little reason to be upset.
Another strategy is to consider whether the insulter is will-informed. If he is
not, we can calmly set him straight.
Consider insults to be like a dog barking at you. When the dog barks, you make a
note that it might not like you, but you certainly don't argue with the dog or
get upset by it.
Epictetus says:"what upsets people is not things themselves, but their judgments
about these things."
Specific ways to address an insult are to ignore it or to laugh it off. Laughing
it off shows that you are not concerned with what the insulter thinks, and that
is much more effective than a counterinsult.
Advice on Grief

That stoics never grieve is a misconception.

When you have lost something, instead of thinking about what you have lost, try
to think about and be thankful for what you had.
Advice on Anger
Stoics think of anger as "anti-joy".
The best way to fight anger is with laughter. By treating something as funny ins
tead of outrageous, you can convert an event from angering you to being a source
of amusement.
Another strategy for dealing with anger is to reflect on an events "cosmic insig
nificance." Something that seems big now will hardly be remembered in 5 years.
Life is too short to spend on anger. Why experience anti-joy when it's in your p
ower to be joyful?
Advice on Fame
The price of fame is much greater than its benefits.
Stoics avoid things that give others power over them. Being famous means you are
controlled by others: you have to do things to keep your status, avoid things t
hat will cause you to lose you fame, and so on. Fame enslaves us.
To maintain our freedom, we should be indifferent when people approve or disappr
ove of us. This advice is consistent with not concerning ourselves with things t
hat are out of control.
It's hard to give up wanting admiration. It's helpful to realize that in seeking
admiration, you have to do what other people define as good, instead of what yo
u define as good.
Ironically, not seeking people's admiration will make you more admirable because
of your self-confidence.
Advice on Luxury
Not needing wealth is more valuable than being wealthy.
If you expose yourself to a luxurious lifestyle, there's a danger that you'll lo
se your ability to enjoy the simple things in life.
You should eat to live instead of living to eat. Food is a particularly challeng
ing temptation because we face it daily.
In addition to a simple diet, we should favor simple clothing, housing, and furn
ishings.
Ironically, not caring about wealth and living frugally makes it more likely tha
t you'll end up wealthy. If this happens, you are free to enjoy your wealth thou
ghtfully, keeping in mind that it may disappear, and being careful not to let it
undermine your ability to enjoy a simple life.[Personal side note: there are man
y pleasant ironies in this book.] The school of Cynicism encouraged its adherent
s to live in abject poverty; the school of stoicism believes wealth is fine as l
ong as you are not attached to it.
Advice on Old Age
When death is close, instead of being depressed, you can appreciate what you sti
ll have. While the young don't value time because it seems unlimited, the elderl
y don't take anything for granted.
How to Become a Stoic
Don't boast or advertise to people that you're going to become a stoic. Just wor
k on it quietly.
Don't dwell on the past. Seneca asks, "[What point is there in] being unhappy, j
ust because once you were unhappy?"
Don't try to master all of the techniques at once. Negative visualization is a g
ood place to start. Try to practice at least once a day, if only for a few momen
ts.
After negative visualization, move on to the trichotomy of control, which helps
you manage anxiety.
Part of stoic joy is not just joy in a particular thing of event, but joy in lif

e itself.