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Review my Cover letter help improvements

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#1

Nov 25th, 2012 11:06 AM

extrax

Review my Cover letter help improvements

Newbie
Join Date:
Posts:

Dear HR Manager,
Oct 19th, 2010
41

Thanked 1 time for 1 post

I am applying for the (position) as listed on (company). After reading the

job description in detail, I feel my skills and capabilities are a good fit to
this position.
As a customer technical support and service representative for Microsoft,
my duties of helping customers resolve technical issues via the telephone,
has developed my social skills very well.
I also have extensive experience as a data entry operator and as a claims
assessor for a total of 2.5 years. Through these positions, I have gained
tremendous experience of working under pressure with heavy workload
assigned to me, while having to meet departmental hourly production
targets. In addition, I am an expert in 10-key (14,000 keystrokes per hour)
with accuracy and have an advanced knowledge of Microsoft office
applications such as Word, Excel, Outlook, and PowerPoint.
My availability is flexible, which includes overnight and weekend shifts.
Attached is my resume along with this cover letter for your kind review.
With that being said, I would be glad to partake in an interview to further
discuss this opportunity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yes, I know this sounds a lot more like my resume, but the thing is that I
do not know what to either say other than what it says in my resume. Any

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help would be great

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#2

Nov 29th, 2012 09:23 PM

Takashi256
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Nov 29th, 2012

TORONTO
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Not bad dude.

You just need to make it more pretty. I would assemble everything into 3
nice paragraphs. Here, I've edited it for you.
After reading the job description in detail, I feel my skills and capabilities
are a good fit to the the (position) as listed on (company).
As a customer technical support and service representative for Microsoft,
my duties of helping customers resolve technical issues via the telephone,
has developed my social skills very well.
I also have extensive experience as a data entry operator and as a claims
assessor for a total of 2.5 years. Through these positions, I have gained
tremendous experience of working under pressure with heavy workload
assigned to me, while having to meet departmental hourly production
targets. In addition, I am an expert in 10-key (14,000 keystrokes per hour)
with accuracy and have an advanced knowledge of Microsoft office
applications such as Word, Excel, Outlook, and PowerPoint.
My availability is flexible, which includes overnight and weekend shifts.
Attached is my resume along with this cover letter for your kind review. I
would be glad to partake in an interview to further discuss this opportunity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.

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#3

Nov 29th, 2012 10:59 PM

underjeep
Jr. Member
Join Date:
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if you really want a response, send another email with a picture of yourself
doing something naughty. you are a hot chick with double D's right?

Jan 21st, 2011

164

Thanked 22 times for 16 posts

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#4

Nov 29th, 2012 11:49 PM

donatepresent
Member

Originally Posted by extrax

Dear HR Manager,
I am applying for the (position) as listed on (company). After reading the
job description in detail, I feel my skills and capabilities are a good fit to
this position.
Join Date:

Jun 4th, 2009

As a customer technical support and service representative for Microsoft,

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Posts:

452

Thanked 23 times for 21 posts

my duties of helping customers resolve technical issues via the telephone,

has developed my social skills very well.
I also have extensive experience as a data entry operator and as a claims
assessor for a total of 2.5 years. Through these positions, I have gained
tremendous experience of working under pressure with heavy workload
assigned to me, while having to meet departmental hourly production
targets. In addition, I am an expert in 10-key (14,000 keystrokes per hour)
with accuracy and have an advanced knowledge of Microsoft office
applications such as Word, Excel, Outlook, and PowerPoint.
My availability is flexible, which includes overnight and weekend shifts.
Attached is my resume along with this cover letter for your kind review.
With that being said, I would be glad to partake in an interview to further
discuss this opportunity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yes, I know this sounds a lot more like my resume, but the thing is that I
do not know what to either say other than what it says in my resume. Any
help would be great

Way too generic. Talk about your goals for the future. List what your skills
and qualities are. No BS generic please...
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#5

Nov 30th, 2012 01:31 AM

clseea
Sr. Member
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Posts:

Nov 22nd, 2011

EDMONTON
543

Thanked 44 times for 43 posts

You cover letter should be about things that aren't in your resume. It seems
you've listed alot of things you probably have in your resume. Try to sell
the employer on what your passion is...hopefully that passion is the job
your applying for. The cover letter you posted is pretty generic and
wouldn't stick out at all.
I also found the wording to be awkward:
"As a customer technical support and service representative for Microsoft,
my duties of helping customers resolve technical issues via the telephone,
has developed my social skills very well."... this is a super awkward
sentence and isn't gramatically correct. It's almost like you tried to cram in
a bunch of extra words to make it sound flashier; but it really just makes it
sound stiff and forced.

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#6

Nov 30th, 2012 05:30 AM

komal

Originally Posted by extrax

Deal Addict

Dear HR Manager,
Join Date:
Posts:

Jul 30th, 2004

2,007

Thanked 171 times for 81

posts

I am applying for the (position) as listed on (company). After reading the

job description in detail, I feel my skills and capabilities are a good fit to
this position.
As a customer technical support and service representative for Microsoft,
my duties of helping customers resolve technical issues via the telephone,

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has developed my social skills very well.

I also have extensive experience as a data entry operator and as a claims
assessor for a total of 2.5 years. Through these positions, I have gained
tremendous experience of working under pressure with heavy workload
assigned to me, while having to meet departmental hourly production
targets. In addition, I am an expert in 10-key (14,000 keystrokes per hour)
with accuracy and have an advanced knowledge of Microsoft office
applications such as Word, Excel, Outlook, and PowerPoint.
My availability is flexible, which includes overnight and weekend shifts.
Attached is my resume along with this cover letter for your kind review.
With that being said, I would be glad to partake in an interview to further
discuss this opportunity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Yes, I know this sounds a lot more like my resume, but the thing is that I
do not know what to either say other than what it says in my resume. Any
help would be great

I organize a cover letter into 3 parts, its a common tactic.

Paragraph 1
Who I am, my education, my background, the position I am applying for.
Paragraph 2
My skills, things that won't be immediately clear on the resume such as
taking leadership in a job role or having won some award and anything
else, this includes expanding on your resume skills as you can't really write
run-on sentences in your resume detailing your work history.
Paragraph 3
Why I'm a good fit for the position, relate the skills you have to the position
and whatever the job posting required. Ex: I would be a great fit for this
role because my IT certifications and ... etc.
Paragraph 4
Conclude with a thank you, e-mail, phone number, tell them you look
forward to hearing from them.
I have some issues with what you wrote. As was said, you are re-writing
parts of your resume. You mentioned being good with MS Office, did you
put that in your resume? Because you don't seem to have added anything
extra and instead just re-stated it. On your resume you say things like
"Great at MS office", but on your cover letter you expand and say things
like 'I've able to use pivot tables and whatever else to create complex
reports for management', that kind of thing.
Cover letter should expand on your resume, not re-state it.
Also I don't think I've ever seen a cover letter say 'partake' and 'kind
review' is a bit odd. It should be combined into one paragraph in any case.
If you've got experience dealing with heavy workloads that is great, but

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expand. Talk about how you met deadlines, achieved targets, dealt with
problems etc. etc. Expand on what you can do.
And if its relevant, add numbers in there. For example, say you had to
handle 10 calls/hour or whatever, if the number will make you sound good
then add it into the cover letter or resume, otherwise omit it.
I'm going to try re-writing a couple of sentences just to give you examples
of what I'm talking about.

Attached is my resume along with this cover letter for your kind review.
With that being said, I would be glad to partake in an interview to further
discuss this opportunity.
Personally, I would say the following:
I have attached my resume with this cover letter. I would appreciate any
opportunity to discuss the position or qualifications with you. Please don't
hesitate to call if you have any questions, you may reach me at
example@example.com or by phone at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

I also have extensive experience as a data entry operator and as a claims

assessor for a total of 2.5 years
Through my experience working as a claims assessor, I have gained the
following relevant skills -LIST SOMETHING RELEVANT-.
Don't just assume they know exactly what you did as a data entry operator
or claims assessor.
You could also say something like:
As a data entry operator, I met/exceeded performance targets by hitting
14,000 keystrokes per hour. Through this work, I also honed my attention
to detail in order to fix and deal with any errors that arose.

I think that about sums up what I wanted to say. Just think hard, think to
your job activities and then put in enough detail you make them relevant to
what you're applying for.
Last edited by komal; Nov 30th, 2012 at 05:48 AM.
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#7

Nov 30th, 2012 10:06 AM

lhsonic

Originally Posted by komal

Deal Addict

I organize a cover letter into 3 parts, its a common tactic.

Paragraph 1
Who I am, my education, my background, the position I am applying for.

Join Date:

Oct 5th, 2004

Paragraph 2
My skills, things that won't be immediately clear on the resume such as
taking leadership in a job role or having won some award and anything
else, this includes expanding on your resume skills as you can't really write

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Location:
Posts:

run-on sentences in your resume detailing your work history.

Coquitlam
2,433

Thanked 70 times for 56 posts

Paragraph 3
Why I'm a good fit for the position, relate the skills you have to the position
and whatever the job posting required. Ex: I would be a great fit for this
role because my IT certifications and ... etc.
Paragraph 4
Conclude with a thank you, e-mail, phone number, tell them you look
forward to hearing from them.

I like all of the points that komal wrote. It's important not to just re-state
your resume in your cover letter. You can often get away with sending off a
(good) generic resume with your skills, accomplishments and work history,
but your cover letter should be mostly tailored. What I got from your cover
letter was a general lack of passion for the job- this isn't possible to show
in your resume which should be pretty objective. Also, people like numbers
and results- make sure to include some!
Here's my general strategy (and I think it's pretty logical).
Dear Ms. Jones: (never say hiring manager unless you really can't find out
who this letter's for)
Paragraph 1 - All about them, the position, what you know about the
company and why you want to work there
Paragraph 2 - All about you, your skills, what you bring to the table. It's
important to translate your skills into actions. For example, "Through my
experience as a chef, attention-to-detail as well excellent customer service
skills enabled me to deliver a uniquely personal and outstanding experience
for our clients." Show. And then Tell.
Paragraph 3 - Emphasis any additional key skills (I do this only because I
can't fit everything into the second paragraph).
Paragraph 4 - Thank the reader. Conclude on what makes you better than
the other 132 candidates that you deserve one of the 5 interview slots and
their time.
_______________
flickr
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