Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q1 What age did you or your spouse begin

to experience signs of menopause?
Answered: 169

Skipped: 4

40-44

45-49

50-54

55+

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

Answer Choices

50%

60%

70%

80%

90% 100%

Responses

40-44

24.85%

42

45-49

43.20%

73

50-54

28.99%

49

55+

2.96%

Total

169

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q2 Before menopause approximately how

often did you and your spouse have sex?
Answered: 166

Skipped: 7

1-2 times a
week

3-4 times a
week

5+ times a week

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

Answer Choices

50%

60%

70%

80%

90% 100%

Responses

1-2 times a week

55.42%

92

3-4 times a week

36.14%

60

5+ times a week

8.43%

14

Total

166

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q3 After menopause approximately how

often do you and your spouse have sex?
Answered: 169

Skipped: 4

1-2 times a
week

3-4 times a
week

5+ times a week

Never

Rarely

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

Answer Choices

50%

60%

70%

80%

90% 100%

Responses

1-2 times a week

42.60%

72

3-4 times a week

10.06%

17

5+ times a week

4.14%

Never

7.69%

13

Rarely

35.50%

60

Total

169

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q4 If you answered Never or Rarely in #3,

please explain why.
Answered: 79

Skipped: 94

Responses

Date

Painful intercourse

3/30/2015 10:32 PM

She has little to no desire. Not sure how much is due to her perceived physical attraction or just the mental
desire.

3/30/2015 5:06 PM

Painful intercourse

3/30/2015 11:13 AM

Mood swings, insomnia spending more time watching TV and sleeping on the couch almost the whole night.

3/30/2015 5:19 AM

Tiredness, shy of my body due to weight gain.

3/30/2015 3:50 AM

I'm tired a lot and I don't have any libido, though I have been to the doc and had tests run (no help there). So, I
have no interest, and my husband is just waiting around until I do. (The path of least effort for him!)

3/30/2015 2:04 AM

It's painful Self-conscience about my shifting body weight Decreased sexual desire

3/29/2015 8:37 PM

About every 2 weeks because the desire had totally gone away, but I knew my husband still deserved that part of
our marriage.

3/29/2015 7:17 PM

Mostly from my (wife) end,low libido,dryness hence pain and discomfort, I'm mostly too warm, low energy,
generally lethargic.

3/29/2015 4:19 PM

10

vaginial dryness which makessex uncomfortable, have to constantly use lubricants

3/29/2015 8:18 AM

11

Husband suffers lifelong depression and he lost interest In our marriage

3/29/2015 7:47 AM

12

The will is just not there but it does not seem to present a problem as we are still physically close and loving.

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

13

Menopause has created a very physical inability to enjoy sex - chronic vaginal dryness/atrophy.

3/29/2015 6:19 AM

14

Due to my moodiness sweatiness or painful ness

3/29/2015 1:55 AM

15

Complained of libido, just finding unnecessary fault to show reasons why she he does not want sex.

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

16

absolutely no interest

3/28/2015 11:55 PM

17

Husband wants a divorce

3/28/2015 11:32 PM

18

Always tired and in a not so good mood!!

3/28/2015 11:13 PM

19

experiencing and older parents illness Im wondering if stress accelerates it

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

20

Sex was excruciatingly painful. My husband had pre-mature ejaculation issues that he wasn't facing which
always made him in a hurry. I needed more time, he wasn't complying.

3/28/2015 10:07 PM

21

Tired, & hot flashes make me super cranky. They are worse at night.

3/28/2015 10:01 PM

22

Was not interested in it.

3/28/2015 9:37 PM

23

No interest

3/28/2015 8:49 PM

24

I am not for sure. Really.

3/24/2015 10:25 PM

25

She is not interested. Loves herself more than me. That simple.

3/24/2015 2:27 AM

26

Multiple stressful issues, husband pornography addiction, 20 yr old daughter in 3 drug treatment programs. Lots
of relationship challenging issues.

3/24/2015 1:15 AM

27

3/23/2015 11:33 AM

28

No desire.

3/22/2015 9:47 PM

29

Our collective failure to properly tend to our love

3/22/2015 3:18 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

30

Her emotional mood swings. It affected her so much that she would justify her sexual refusal by saying she
couldn't make love because she didn't feel emotionally connected to me. Totally ignoring the fact that her mood
swings were the cause of the emotional disconnect. And no, things have not gotten any better.

3/22/2015 9:56 AM

31

It's actually less than 1-2 times weekly but not quite rarely either. It's more of a monthly thing & thats because we
get to bed too late, we are both tired and we have to get up early. We try to make time on Saturday mornings but
that doesn't always happen.

3/21/2015 8:52 AM

32

There was a major change in libido and fatigue that I didn't understand was happening. Once we realized the
"whys" my husband and I purposed to not allow it to effect the emotional and physical intimacy that we had. And
we have made it through with all the ups and downs of menopause symptoms (and I have had many). I would
now say we are back to a 5, which we are both praising God for. :-)

3/21/2015 8:12 AM

33

I think some of the reason is that penetration is painful for me at first so my husband worries about that. Also, he
is struggling with ED and worries about that.

3/21/2015 1:49 AM

34

Low libido, on behalf of us both, not just the female going through menopause

3/20/2015 10:49 PM

35

My husband has a low sex drive so we did not have sex frequently even before menopause

3/20/2015 9:38 PM

36

Sometimes not even once a week

3/20/2015 7:10 PM

37

I am in perimenopause (I haven't stopped my flux yet, and sometimes things are really challenging)

3/17/2015 12:29 PM

38

Sexless marriage until 5 Years agow Today 3 times a week

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

39

Although I willingly give my husband oral or manual sex several times a week postmenopause, we have
intercourse only about once a month now. The physical pain I experience and the anticipation of it is a huge
deterrent for both of us. Brain fog, easy distractability and skin hypersensitivity are also deadening for me.

3/16/2015 5:23 PM

40

Wife has a growth in her vagina but refuses to go to any doctor

3/16/2015 12:00 PM

41

She says she has "no feeling".

3/16/2015 9:06 AM

42

Not in the mood

3/15/2015 9:52 PM

43

She seems to have developed an intense dislike for any touching from me, and any attempt to get her "in the
mood" is quickly rejected.

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

44

1 or 2 times a month if lucky

3/15/2015 6:08 PM

45

She could care a less. No interest. I stopped asking. WAy less painful.

3/15/2015 3:09 PM

46

#2 should have had Rarely.

3/15/2015 1:42 AM

47

It was painful, I was tired and not interested at all. Our children were younger, 3yrs and 5yrs old. I also owned a
business.

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

48

Neither of us have much desire and my vagina is super dry

3/14/2015 7:30 PM

49

We took a sexual sabbatical for 3.5 years because I'm working through childhood sexual abuse and really hate
sex. I still don't like it, but we've started having sex about 1 x/month.

3/14/2015 5:18 PM

50

We have it once or twice per week but only because husband wants to. I could do without.

3/14/2015 3:10 PM

51

She's not interested at all.

3/14/2015 2:03 PM

52

She constantly makes excuses that her drive is gone although she does nothing to change it. My wife has always
been selfish but now she simply tells me it is my problem and to "deal with it." In a nutshell, she uses a physical
change in the body to justify her continued unwillingness to give to anyone other than herself.

3/14/2015 10:25 AM

53

I hit menopause at the tender age of 28... last year in fact. I had to have two rounds of chemo, and the second
one stole my cycles from me. It was so upsetting. We did not have relations often before my illness because my
husband works in hard labor. I also came into marriage with a naive, untrusting, un-confident attitude. My
husband came into marriage with a rocky and tragic past to overcome. I've grown a lot and so has he. But now
adding in menopause? In some ways it's harder, even though we love eachother more than ever.

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

54

He works extremely long hours and physically doesn't have the energy for sex.

3/14/2015 8:23 AM

55

my husband with low libido and he says lack of interest. His adultery resulted in my distrust.

3/14/2015 6:58 AM

56

Lack of arousal and pain

3/14/2015 6:43 AM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

57

Husband turned to porn

3/14/2015 3:30 AM

58

no desire

3/14/2015 12:31 AM

59

To painful.

3/13/2015 10:26 PM

60

About once every 2 weeks unless I push the issue

3/13/2015 6:17 PM

61

she is not interested

3/13/2015 6:07 PM

62

Fibromyalgia, chronic pain, not willing to try anything that might make things better sexually.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

63

It's really not 1-2 or 3-4, it's 2-4 times a week depending! to both before and during menopause

3/13/2015 11:06 AM

64

wife has never had a sexual imagination or initiative

3/13/2015 10:07 AM

65

She doesn't feel sexual anymore like before puberty.

3/13/2015 7:35 AM

66

Pain, mood swings, lack of libido

3/13/2015 2:10 AM

67

Due to other health reasons.

3/13/2015 1:55 AM

68

lack of libido dryness moodiness

3/12/2015 11:40 PM

69

I think it has a lot to do with the meds my husband takes, but it is also very uncomfortable for me so I have very
little interest.

3/12/2015 10:33 PM

70

I had a complete hysterectomy so surgically induced menopause. It's been scary for me to start with sex and my
husband is hesitant too... I think. So October to March have been sex-less.

3/12/2015 9:07 PM

71

Once every 3 months

3/12/2015 2:16 PM

72

It hurts more now and lack of desire

3/12/2015 11:42 AM

73

There should have been a never it rarely option in question 2. I had no desire before menopause. Now I can't get
it enough.

3/12/2015 10:25 AM

74

Less than once a month or six weeks.

3/12/2015 2:56 AM

75

Not sure why.

3/11/2015 7:47 PM

76

it has been a long time. menopause created a dryness and it has been both painful and uncomfortable. After a
series of ultrasounds testing and assorted doctors it is diagnosed as 'dry' tissue. Coconut oil works well to keep
moisture in.

3/11/2015 5:33 PM

77

Spouse became critical of performance

3/11/2015 2:23 PM

78

My wife is currently going through menopause so I'm not sure that AFTER is applicable yet. However at this time
it's not uncommon to go 1-2 weeks without having sex.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

79

I'm the one who went thru menopause. It hurt; no desire, etc., etc. (I had a hysterectomy before I was 50 so really
don't know when I started menopause.)

3/11/2015 12:15 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q5 What do you wish you had known about

menopause and it's effect on your sex life
before going through it?
Answered: 109

Skipped: 64

Responses

Date

I wish I would have known about the mood swings.

3/31/2015 6:08 AM

Remedies for pain, that this is normal, even for peri-menopause.

3/30/2015 10:32 PM

The effect the psychological "loss" can not be underestimated. I began menopause in early 40's and was post
menopausal at 48. Once i saw the bloodwork results in black and white and the confirming words, i felt old, used
up & very unattractive. This made me avoid my husband physically. I was almost ashamed as i had not thought i
would deal with it for at least another decade as my sister did. I wish i knew it ( & any) was a "normal" age and
had more prep that it wasn't a sign of being useless & ugly physically. It was a grieving process that people
underestimate, and definitely has a trickle effect to all phases of marriage.

3/30/2015 6:15 PM

Why did God do this to men? :-)

3/30/2015 5:06 PM

Fore-warning from other Women who have gone before me.

3/30/2015 11:13 AM

The vaginal dryness and the effects on my hair with dryness, brittle and thinning.

3/30/2015 9:48 AM

??

3/30/2015 3:50 AM

we should have talked about it before and accept the stage.

3/30/2015 3:41 AM

That it would cause so much havoc. That I would dread sex. That the hormonal replacements have side effects.

3/29/2015 10:55 PM

10

The changes in my body

3/29/2015 9:02 PM

11

How much about what's going on during hormonal changes has a significant impact on mood, body image, pain
involved with vaginal changes, and lack sexual cravings.

3/29/2015 8:37 PM

12

No libido at all. Just don't feel like.

3/29/2015 8:28 PM

13

How much it would affect every aspect of my life, the hot flashes and sleepless night are awful.

3/29/2015 7:17 PM

14

That it would all change and I would not deskre it much

3/29/2015 4:19 PM

15

That hot flashes are a mood killer. But given a sense of good humor and patience that my hubby has, we've
waited till the flash passed and then we could be in the mood.

3/29/2015 1:26 PM

16

when it happens no suprises

3/29/2015 8:46 AM

17

currently going through it and just got married. it is truly a challenge. needed to know more on the physical effects
i.e the vaginial dryness. had read about it before, just got ccaught up before I knew what we needed to do or how
to react

3/29/2015 8:18 AM

18

That I would be more fatigued and less patient

3/29/2015 7:47 AM

19

Menopause was strange as I had an early hysterectomy so had been a 'sports model' for many years.

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

20

that with menopause you experience the heavy sweats especially at night that the bedlinen will be wet Worse
when your husband requests for sex, that gush of sweat engulfes your body and you become so wet even
between the legs and just makes you uncomfortable to go ahead with making love. And also that you really can
feel sick like your heart is sinking.So difficult to explain the feeling you get on the worst days of premenopause.

3/29/2015 7:17 AM

21

I haven't experienced this yet but many of my friends have been shocked about the vaginal dryness.

3/29/2015 6:32 AM

22

I would have researched more effectively prior to entering the menopausal years to try and make the transition a
lot easier - spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

3/29/2015 6:19 AM

23

Why I felt this way how to alieve the dryness that would not cost so much the Doctor route was $ 100 Plus and
did not work

3/29/2015 1:55 AM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

24

Reduced vaginal secretion, because on very very few occasions I discovered I had bruises after sex.

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

25

wish I had known I would lose complete interest

3/28/2015 11:55 PM

26

Emotional stress

3/28/2015 11:32 PM

27

I am in perimeopause and I am very thankful my husband is so understanding!!

3/28/2015 11:13 PM

28

its like death for sex get the unspoken emotional thoughts cleared while sex is youthful Nothing lasts forever
even sex

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

29

It had no effect other than needing to get topical estrogen for vaginal dryness.

3/28/2015 10:32 PM

30

That it really changes you.

3/28/2015 10:11 PM

31

Maybe ways to help my body go into menopause more easily. Alternative treatments to help vaginal tissues.

3/28/2015 10:07 PM

32

I didn't expect to have mood seings 100x more intense than PMS. I get sad & cry every day--not how I used to
be.

3/28/2015 10:01 PM

33

That it would not have changed things so much.

3/28/2015 9:37 PM

34

That out of blue bickering, crying for no reason mood swings.

3/24/2015 10:25 PM

35

It's difficult to re-establish closeness & intercourse is painful, requiring additional preparation.

3/24/2015 1:15 AM

36

I wish I'd known that my desire for my husband was going out the window. But I would have wanted to know what
to do about it, also.

3/23/2015 5:06 PM

37

I guess, as a man, that there were so many ways which my wife's health would be affected--besides our sex life.
Weight gain, moodiness, food cravings, hot flashes, less interest in physical activity, moodiness, and so forth.

3/23/2015 12:00 PM

38

that this would be painful and depressing

3/23/2015 11:33 AM

39

How difficult sex would be.

3/22/2015 9:47 PM

40

Ours came via hysterectomy, rather sudden. I was unprepared as the husband for that.

3/22/2015 3:18 PM

41

Everything. Because I didn't know it would be so all encompassing.

3/22/2015 9:56 AM

42

Nothing really that i can think of. We have managed to work around the only issue - hot flashes

3/21/2015 8:52 AM

43

That libido can change but it's not permanent. It almost felt like a hopeless situation for me, like I would never
feel the way I used to again, until we did some studying and saw that was not the case. Sure enough, it was not
the case for me either for which we are both so grateful for.

3/21/2015 8:12 AM

44

I had heard about "painful intercourse" but didn't realize that was what was causing the pain, so I wish I'd
understood that so I could talk to my OB/GYN about it sooner.

3/21/2015 1:49 AM

45

I wish I knew that my desire would diminish.

3/20/2015 10:49 PM

46

Issues with dryness

3/20/2015 9:38 PM

47

That I could have delayed complete hysterectomy and kept one ovary. Pain, thinner skin etc, more tender, harder
to orgasm.

3/20/2015 7:10 PM

48

I have to work much harder to get in the mood - frustrating

3/19/2015 6:56 PM

49

How vaginal dryness and thinning would affect comfort

3/18/2015 8:02 AM

50

More like: what do I wish HE had known. I'm tired, a LOT. My flow can be exceedingly heavy, and then stop. It's
very energy-draining.

3/17/2015 12:29 PM

51

Question 2: sexless maariage 2 times a Year

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

52

I wish I had known how to prevent it. This is not an idle wish or a flippant response...thank goodness we have a
strong marriage because what was once a wonderful facet of our life is now a desert.

3/16/2015 5:23 PM

53

That it's not as bad as portrayed.

3/16/2015 1:17 PM

54

I wish I had known how a woman would become so hateful and mean with no trace of compassion

3/16/2015 12:00 PM

55

libido has gone way down, but thankfully my hubby understands.

3/15/2015 7:05 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

56

How long it would last.

3/15/2015 6:54 PM

57

How deeply I would miss the occasional sexual encounter with my wife. I say occasional, because as we have
aged, her deire for sexual intimacy has dropped off, and after meopause, it has sropped to ZERO!

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

58

Extent of the emotional highs and lows at the beginning of perimenopause.

3/15/2015 6:15 PM

59

That there will be an incredible decrease in the ablility to sleep through the night. This exhaustion makes it difficult
to have energy to get all excited about sex. I knew I'd be more emotionally unstable & I expected my sex drive to
decrease.

3/15/2015 6:06 PM

60

Not sure it's menspsuse

3/15/2015 3:09 PM

61

It hasn't made things worse for us. I started having hormonal issues at age 35. Surgical menopause to correct a
bunch of prolapses helped things. (Though the first 10 attempts and times were super painful).

3/15/2015 1:42 AM

62

I wish I had focused more on my marriage bed. And known about and used Organic Glide, a lubricant made in
Israel that can that can be purchased through Amazon. Also, I wished I would have had access to blogs like yours
so I understood my husband better.

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

63

That dryness would be such a factor and lack of libido. Premarin cream is a godsend!

3/14/2015 10:11 PM

64

dryness and the pain of intercourse because of it

3/14/2015 8:26 PM

65

The dryness and the lies that any of these over the counter lubricants will work. I am sensitive and they just gave
me infections and burning. I had lost all real feeling and just trying to get through the act. Bleeding became
standard as well as pain.

3/14/2015 6:22 PM

66

Where to get help with issues.

3/14/2015 5:18 PM

67

Lack of desire

3/14/2015 3:27 PM

68

That the effect would be so drastic and more knowledge about what could happen.

3/14/2015 3:10 PM

69

The physical challenges represented by shifting hormones

3/14/2015 1:05 PM

70

That it will definitely affect things. I had to really make an effort against saying no all the time because I had zero
desire. Also that I would come out of that and on the (for me, very far 8 years ) other side get some desire back.
But by that time, my husband had gotten used to lessential sex and he has had to really work at wanting it more
than just wanting to go to sleep. We ate now 58.

3/14/2015 12:52 PM

71

My libido has increased, but now we are imbalanced.

3/14/2015 12:37 PM

72

To be honest, blaming frigid selfish behavior on hormonal changes is the the same as me blaming infidelity on
hormonal changes. Our behavior is a CHOICE, not a product of how we FEEL. I see the menopause argument in
exactly the same light as the I cheated because I have a naturally high sex drive argument. Both are ways to
blame something else for our selfish choices.

3/14/2015 10:25 AM

73

I wish I had appreciated my ability to get wet. I didn't realize how devastated I'd be that my eggs were just about
gone. I also didn't realize how much I'd toss and turn at night and become sleepless (and SO hot).... keeping HIM
AWAKE! That's a terrible feeling knowing that you're contributing to someone else's discomfort and it makes
everything so much harder. I wish we had a couch to go sleep on. The love seat is not comfortable. Investing in a
full recliner may have been a wiser choice. :)

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

74

How dried out my body would be causing sex to be extremely painful.

3/14/2015 8:23 AM

75

It changes your body's form and slows metabolism making it harder to maintain weight affecting my view of sexy.

3/14/2015 6:58 AM

76

Male changes have had MUCH more of an impact than female ones. No period is very liberating

3/14/2015 5:59 AM

77

It lasts forever! 10 yrs and counting!

3/14/2015 3:30 AM

78

exactly that - the effect menopause would have on my sex life

3/14/2015 12:31 AM

79

That making love would hurt so much.

3/13/2015 10:26 PM

80

I didn't realize that my libido would practically be non-existent :(

3/13/2015 6:49 PM

81

that this situation would be so bad

3/13/2015 6:07 PM

82

That biodentical therapy was available and could be accessed long before menopause.

3/13/2015 5:49 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

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83

That sex would be physically uncomfortable and that my drive would disappear.

3/13/2015 3:10 PM

84

How to overcome the lack of desire, the negative libido.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

85

That your body completely changes. You will have to use lots of lube, sex can be painful & you can bleed when
making love.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

86

There are so many possible symptoms. I worried whether I was normal and healthy.

3/13/2015 1:18 PM

87

That it causes horrible mood swings that make you look crazy and that you have to stay sex without desire or
arousal because of you wait until you feel like it, it won't happen

3/13/2015 11:10 AM

88

I'm still in the middle of it and dealing with so many things that the menopause junk really doesn't matter. Just
another pain in the fanny

3/13/2015 11:06 AM

89

I'd always heard that my libido would dwindle, but it actually increased, even before HRT, two years later.

3/13/2015 11:00 AM

90

I wish I had taken advantage of a younger more responsive body that still had a uterus and had a lot more sex
when I was young. I wish I had explored a different kind of hysterectomy that left the cervix in tact.

3/13/2015 9:59 AM

91

How to encourage your spouse to go to the doctor.

3/13/2015 7:35 AM

92

there is support, hrt

3/12/2015 11:40 PM

93

It has really affected the time it takes to become aroused, and the time (and energy and activities) it takes to
orgasm

3/12/2015 9:52 PM

94

I think I knew this might happen.

3/12/2015 9:07 PM

95

To personally do my own research to understand what I could do to holistically to alleviate the issues I went
through and not just depend on what the medical doctors say.

3/12/2015 5:14 PM

96

Anything, because this is a subject that is not talked about.

3/12/2015 2:16 PM

97

That I could get on something to help it not hurt and increase desire

3/12/2015 11:42 AM

98

It increases the womans desire muck like the middle stages of pregnancy

3/12/2015 10:45 AM

99

I get moody and can get depressed rather quickly. But it made us rethink our marriage and sex life. And our
marriage has never been better. And sex just keeps getting better.

3/12/2015 10:25 AM

100

Impact of emotional issues, okay to take hormones just for a season, see a counselor!

3/12/2015 9:05 AM

101

The lack or loss of hormone related sex drive.

3/11/2015 9:24 PM

102

That it become uncomfortable because of dryness

3/11/2015 5:40 PM

103

nothing really... one has no choice but to go through the process and aging doesn't help either.

3/11/2015 5:33 PM

104

That I simply would not desire it and that it would be painful.

3/11/2015 2:39 PM

105

Don't know

3/11/2015 2:23 PM

106

That it can be painful unless you continue to be active sexually. The vaginal muscles can become atrophied from
the hormonal changes that cause it to dry out. If you stay active it helps tremendously.

3/11/2015 1:52 PM

107

I had no forewarning of what was to come. NONE! It very nearly ruined our marriage. We didn't know what was
happening.

3/11/2015 1:11 PM

108

We are recently married so have not had a long marriage yet at this point before the decline started. We have
been married for 2.5 years at this point but the menopause and hot flashes and such started around the 1 year
mark.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

109

How it would effect our emotions before finding out the hard way and knowing why sex was changing for us not
knowing it was because of menopause.

3/11/2015 12:13 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q6 Please explain anything you've

discovered that has helped you?
Answered: 98

Skipped: 75

Responses

Date

Effexor-antidepressant

3/31/2015 6:08 AM

Estrogen pills, lubricants, Replens, speaking about issue with spouse

3/30/2015 10:32 PM

^ ^ Facebook groups geared to menopause has helped tremendously in knowing i am not alone or any less of a
woman. The "keyboard support groups" enable women to communicate more openly with less fear of judging. It
especially helped me to know that women a lot younger were dealing with the same issues. The stigma attached
to menopause is just awful, and it is a continual struggle to remind myself this can be a new and more freeing
chapter in my life, and i am far from the first, last or only woman to travel this road.

3/30/2015 6:15 PM

Daystar.com sells an all natural Menopause cream that has relieved a lot of the symptoms that Menopause
inflicts on women. My sex drive and desire for has returned and no more painful sex, no more unfamiliar body
aches and joint pain, mental clarity has returned and eliminated anxiety. There is also a prescription drug that
was prescribed to me by my gyneocologist called Vagifem. This only helped with the vaginal atrophy not all the
other symptoms caused by the decrease of estrogen produced caused by menopause.

3/30/2015 11:13 AM

Vit E and tofu.

3/30/2015 9:48 AM

We need to relax and accept ourselves then your partner also accepts you as you are

3/30/2015 3:50 AM

I have discovered the love we have for one another and that it's useless to fight over petty issues.To invite Gods
presence all the time.

3/30/2015 3:41 AM

Learning other ways to create intimacy. We are taking dancing lessons together.

3/30/2015 2:04 AM

Hormonal replacements have increased my weight drastically

3/29/2015 10:55 PM

10

Lubricating gel does help

3/29/2015 8:37 PM

11

Exercise, vitamins have helped alot. And understanding the different stages perimenopause and menopause.

3/29/2015 8:28 PM

12

Lots of prayer of course. Bio-identical hormones!!!! I think our marriage is better than it has ever been. Apparently
mine started even earlier than I realize. I have a wonderful Nurse Practioner who check my hormone levels every
3 months. I was making no estrogen nor progesterone. My thyroid was also not functioning very well. The
difference has been amazing!! I have energy again, sleep all through the night, no hot flashes, and the best
relationship ever with my husband.

3/29/2015 7:17 PM

13

Stock loads of lub so I never run out

3/29/2015 4:19 PM

14

My doctor recommended the use of Liquid Silk a lubricant that best imitates our natural body's secretions.

3/29/2015 1:26 PM

15

not much

3/29/2015 8:46 AM

16

the lubricants are helping that way I dont deny my husband and I the opportunity of intimacy.

3/29/2015 8:18 AM

17

Seeing a Christian counselor and myself taking an antidepressant

3/29/2015 7:47 AM

18

A very understanding doctor who gave me medication to assist with vaginal health

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

19

taking herbals like black cohosh tablets/drops and also taking plenty cold water. Exercise also helps reduce the
episodes.However, the main thing that helped me cope was informing my husband on how I feel with these
episodes of hot flushes and also just feeling low, including my children. When I get an episode in their presence,
one would quickly rush to the kitchen to grab a very cold glass of water.

3/29/2015 7:17 AM

20

Eating healthy with reduction on sugars helped a lot with my symptoms.

3/29/2015 6:32 AM

21

I do not believe in taking HRT, however, am considering bio identical hormones as I wish to have an active and
good sex life with my husband. I feel it is unfair on him not to be physically capable of providing him with his
needs.

3/29/2015 6:19 AM

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22

I found reading as much info on subject and finding I was not the only one going through this helpful. Especially
As a believer.

3/29/2015 1:55 AM

23

I kept on making him realize that we are met for one another while I continue to pray concerning the libido. By last
month February we had sex after 10years. With God ALL things are possible

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

24

Exercise

3/28/2015 11:32 PM

25

Excercise, seems to help my bitter mood!

3/28/2015 11:13 PM

26

it calls for a new expression of love that is somewhat more genuine

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

27

Desire for the love of the other's soul as great as or greater than their body.

3/28/2015 10:11 PM

28

The only thing that did help was bio-identical hormones. But I worried that they weren't any safer than Premarine.
Pomegrante cream helps and I'm going to try something new from Dr.Christianne Northrup. Menopause is a cruel
turn of events for women. Estrogen is like liquid gold in a woman's body.

3/28/2015 10:07 PM

29

Leaving the fan on at night & trying not to hit my husband with the covers I suddenly toss aside.

3/28/2015 10:01 PM

30

Nothing I d Feel has help. I am seeking God to help...

3/24/2015 10:25 PM

31

Vitamin E oil, bloodwork, dangerously low testosterone, causing fatigue, low energy.

3/24/2015 1:15 AM

32

LOTS of exercise, herbs and supplements help--not cure--my lack of desire. You just have to fight your own flesh
and go against it with every fiber of your being--with God's strength.

3/23/2015 5:06 PM

33

Weathering it is basically all to be done. Be understanding. But that should be a two way street. A man's desire
doesn't drop, just because a woman's does.

3/23/2015 12:00 PM

34

nothing! I was 38 but your survey didn't have that option

3/23/2015 11:33 AM

35

Prayer, patience, forgiveness, surrender & commitment

3/22/2015 3:18 PM

36

Prayer. And talking with others who have gone through this.

3/22/2015 9:56 AM

37

Premarin cream may help. Also, LiquiBead before sex seems to be better than lubricant gels.

3/21/2015 1:49 AM

38

Use of lubricants has been very helpful

3/20/2015 9:38 PM

39

Bio identical hormone cream helps a bit

3/20/2015 7:10 PM

40

My husband is very appreciative of my appearance, especially naked, which helps me cope with a body that is
not as firm as it used to be. Also Astroglide.

3/19/2015 6:56 PM

41

Nothing yet.

3/17/2015 12:29 PM

42

Reading Christian sexrelated posts: The Marriage Bed, Intimacy in Marriage...lots of Heartsearching and prayer

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

43

My husband's patience is what helps us. Doctors' prescriptions of vaginal creams, medications, etc. are not worth
much, at least not so far. After almost nine months of concerted effort, my sense of humor is at an all-time low
and my aggravation with my body is at an all-time high.

3/16/2015 5:23 PM

44

Nothing has helped. It has been years now and I was not ready for sex to end in our marriage. I am a Christian,
but I am dying on the inside. I battle the desire to leave.

3/16/2015 9:06 AM

45

Lube. Coconut oil keeps things working well.

3/15/2015 7:05 PM

46

Nothing yet. I hope that some of these posts will eventually be read by her, but so far, she even rejects my subtle
(and sometimes direct) advice to read a blog or a post that I think is appropriate to our situation.

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

47

Too early to say!

3/15/2015 6:15 PM

48

Prayer, consistent exercise, drinking water, a bath before going to bed, mentally preparing myself beforehand for
sex, taking a nap during the day, if possible

3/15/2015 6:06 PM

49

Porn

3/15/2015 3:09 PM

50

Be patient with each other. Keep trying.

3/15/2015 1:42 AM

51

Organic Glide lubricant, learning about my husband's needs. Learning to relax and enjoy my body. I am 65 now.
The kids are grown, we are financially stable, I am reading the Christian marriage blogs and learning so much.??
God has healed my outlook on sex and it is GREAT now.

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

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SurveyMonkey

52

Premarin cream! For years I took Evamist which is a topical estrogen but did not help.

3/14/2015 10:11 PM

53

Hormone replacement therapy. Dr used Pellet insertion, I love it because I am not a good pill taker. It is all
natural replacement testosterone and estrogen. I also use Estrace vaginally, just a bit twice a week. Amazing,
feeling has returned, as has moisture. Sadly, Insurance wont pay for any of this. I dont understand, if this were a
man, ie Viagra, its all covered. I was miserable and my husband is 11 years my junior! I was dying!!

3/14/2015 6:22 PM

54

Make the most of those times I am in the mood

3/14/2015 3:27 PM

55

Low dose estrogen vaginal cream

3/14/2015 3:10 PM

56

Hormone replacement medication

3/14/2015 1:05 PM

57

Reading Christina marriage blogs got me on track to make the effort to regain my sense of a asexual self.
Although I do wish there was more recognition of the husband's response to the wife's lack of desire.

3/14/2015 12:52 PM

58

Use a gel based lube to overcome the low lubrication levels.

3/14/2015 12:35 PM

59

More non-intimate foreplay (i.e. before we even get to the bedroom) like flirting, touching, kissing, gets me in the
mood and heading in the right direction as it takes a bit longer to "get the engines going", so to speak.

3/14/2015 12:07 PM

60

I have discovered that tough situations REVEAL character. In a way I am thankful to truly see the depth of my
wifes selfishness. It makes it easier for me to disconnect.

3/14/2015 10:25 AM

61

Coconut oil is the best lubricant we have found to compensate for vaginal dryness due to menopause.

3/14/2015 8:36 AM

62

Maca. The Peruvian "radish." Truly amazing... hormonally it balances, it energizes (my house gets cleaner on
maca days) and it makes getting ready for a "date night" much better/easier. Makes a good chocolate smoothie. I
also read that the traditional "cooked" method of maca processing is better than raw. Platinum wet lubricant is the
only one that works for us. I've also discovered that staying in shape and drinking lots of fluids is very important.
That, and sunshine, laughter and communication. All big things. Most of all I've found out that Christ is the biggest
part of maintaining a relationship. He is the source of love, commitment, perspective, healing, maturity, and even
forgiveness- and most of us need all those things.

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

63

We use coconut oil as a lubricant. I have very strong concerns about using chemicals in my body. Also, now that
the kids are all off at college, we found a day/time to work around DH's fatigue and enjoy sex regularly again.

3/14/2015 8:23 AM

64

Continue eating healthily and get enough rest. God created us and will help me through this season.

3/14/2015 6:58 AM

65

Buy lubricant

3/14/2015 5:59 AM

66

COSA Codependants of Sex Addicts

3/14/2015 3:30 AM

67

Nothing yet.

3/13/2015 10:26 PM

68

Lube

3/13/2015 7:23 PM

69

My husband was always the higher drive spouse so it bothered him that I had no sex drive. He did some
research on bio identical hormones and wow has that ever made a difference! Now he can't keep up with me :)

3/13/2015 6:49 PM

70

nothing

3/13/2015 6:07 PM

71

Biodentical hormone replacement therapy.

3/13/2015 5:49 PM

72

Sotopelle. A bioidentical hormone replacement.

3/13/2015 3:10 PM

73

Nothing yet, still looking.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

74

I waited over 2 years past menopause before I decided to try taking something. The reasons for making my
decision was my gyn told me my lining was very thin & ladies at my church told me that when your lining thins
you organs can drop. One lady had her bladder fall down from thinning lining. So I decided to try Osphena and
let me tell you that within one week it's amazing at the difference it made.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

75

I started taking a low dose of DHEA. It helped with the symptoms.

3/13/2015 1:18 PM

76

Nothing yet, hoping bio-identical HRT will help

3/13/2015 11:10 AM

77

TONS OF LUBRICATION HELP

3/13/2015 11:06 AM

78

Use it or lose it. Have lots of sex. Be creative when intercourse becomes painful.

3/13/2015 9:59 AM

79

Lots of cuddle time needed. Make sure you have a lube.

3/13/2015 9:22 AM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

80

Patience and personal growth

3/13/2015 7:35 AM

81

hrt

3/12/2015 11:40 PM

82

lubricant has helped with dryness but arousal and orgasm are a challenge, especially if my husband doesn't
have the time, he doesn't even attempt to have sex with me. That makes me even more sad about the whole
situation.

3/12/2015 9:52 PM

83

Any gentle, caring time together not necessarily sexual.

3/12/2015 9:07 PM

84

Definitely have your hormone levels tested, saliva test is best. I took bio-identical estrogen which helped with the
hot flashes, night sweats, and disturbed sleep from my PCP. Wish I never started it. It worked well, but then I was
diagnosed as hypothyroid after a few months. I refused the thyroid meds because I would be on them for life. It
took me almost 2 years to wean off of the estrogen (with the help of holistic doctor). She helped me with herbs to
support my adrenals and hormones, detox, and iodine supplementation for my thyroid along with diet change. All
is doing well now. Still have an occasional hot flash, but not like it was.

3/12/2015 5:14 PM

85

the miracle of coconut oil vs. the lubricant we had been using

3/12/2015 4:44 PM

86

We are just going with the flow.

3/12/2015 2:16 PM

87

Its ok to be more agressive as a woman...weve reached an age whete we can be free sbout our wants/needs

3/12/2015 10:45 AM

88

Putting on a prescription hormonal cream everyday has been very helpful with my moodiness. As far as dryness
during sex--- we use fractionated coconut oil. Highly recommend that!

3/12/2015 10:25 AM

89

See above

3/12/2015 9:05 AM

90

Adjusting hormones through an estrogen patch and estrogen cream. Understanding that although I may not feel
the desire for sex but I know that the reward of intimacy is greater than just listening to my body.

3/11/2015 9:24 PM

91

My Dr. prescribed estrogen and that has helped a lot.

3/11/2015 5:40 PM

92

Coconut oil, be sure to get the non scented ultra organic kind. You can make your own 'suppositories' and keep
them in the fridge easy to make and helps a lot to keep moisture in.

3/11/2015 5:33 PM

93

There is help available. Get a physical from a doctor who will do the blood work to check out your hormones. Use
lubricants. Consider HRT. It helps.

3/11/2015 2:39 PM

94

Nothing has changed; attitudes have hardened.

3/11/2015 2:23 PM

95

Coconut oil as a lubricant is very helpful and good for the skin too. Coconut oil doesn't cause itching and with all
of the health benefits it has to offer, not only does it serve as an excellent lubricant, but it is healing as well.

3/11/2015 1:52 PM

96

The Doctor gave us the best way to look at it. "It's like going into Baskin Robin's blindfolded and and having the
servers randomly select a flavor. It's the flavor of the month!"

3/11/2015 1:11 PM

97

So far we have not discovered anything that helps. I have told her on occasion that I really need to be intimate
with her and there has been a time or two where she said she was just doing it to help me feel more connected,
but she really has no desire on her own.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

98

I now go to a dr. who put me on protesterone (which helps me sleep again!!) and an estrogen patch. My other dr.
took me off patch several years ago because everyone in office tho't it would cause breast cancer immediately.
But my dr. now says the progesterone helps not to get cancer. There is a compounded cream women can use
that is more "natural" for the estrogen. Can't believe the difference both of these made.

3/11/2015 12:15 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q7 How enjoyable was your sex life before

menopause, 1 being not enjoyable at all and
5 being the best possible?
Answered: 170

Skipped: 3

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

Answer Choices

50%

60%

70%

80%

90% 100%

Responses

2.94%

10.00%

17

26.47%

45

30.00%

51

30.59%

52

Total

170

Use this space if you'd like to explain your answer.

Date

Preamute ejaculation always an issue, from day one

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

I had a very good sex period with my husband

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

emotions that were unsetteled

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

Part of it is age & lack of time for flirting during the day leaves me less often in the mood at bedtime.

3/28/2015 10:01 PM

Touching kissing hugging

3/24/2015 10:25 PM

the loss of desire hurt the most & fomented uncertainty

3/22/2015 3:18 PM

If at all, i enjoyed it

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

I would have chosen "5" except that we had both looked forward to working on making it even better.

3/16/2015 5:23 PM

Once every two months was better than nothing for 5 years so far

3/16/2015 12:00 PM

10

she has never been interested in sex.

3/16/2015 9:06 AM

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SurveyMonkey

11

Wife withholds

3/15/2015 7:25 PM

12

She has always been the gatekeeper, and we have had sex if and when she wants it.

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

13

I had more of a sex drive

3/15/2015 6:06 PM

14

Prolapses caused pain.

3/15/2015 1:42 AM

15

I was so stressed out with little kids, money problems, owning a business.

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

16

We had to overcome a lot of barriers. We are still working on it.

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

17

Usually it was duty sex but once we got going I'd usually get into it

3/13/2015 6:49 PM

18

she was always keen and sometimes keen to search elsewhere

3/13/2015 6:07 PM

19

We were young. My husband traveled and homecomings were a good time for us.

3/13/2015 3:10 PM

20

It was OK/good, but not often enough.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

21

I was a gate keeper, and we only had sex when my hormones surged

3/13/2015 9:59 AM

22

with an abuse 'history' it always has been an issue.

3/11/2015 5:33 PM

23

We were only about 1 year into the marriage when it started so still learning about each other.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q8 How enjoyable was/is your sex life

during menopause, 1 being not enjoyable at
all and 5 being the best possible?
Answered: 166

Skipped: 7

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

Answer Choices

60%

70%

80%

90% 100%

Responses

24.10%

40

25.90%

43

26.51%

44

12.05%

20

11.45%

19

Total

166

Use this space if you'd like to explain your answer.

Date

When we have sex it is great. We just don't do it as often .

3/31/2015 6:08 AM

l find it hard to be in the mind set for an active sex

3/31/2015 1:54 AM

With time, patience of spouse and discussion of matter, we have been able to find some balance. Probably took 5
years.

3/30/2015 10:32 PM

I can only give this score because of my daily use of Daystar's Menopause Cream. Otherwise it would be a 1

3/30/2015 11:13 AM

i would always make excuses not to have sex, like feeling tired and sleeping early or not spending a lot of time in
our bedroom.

3/30/2015 3:41 AM

The vagina has become dry and tight.

3/29/2015 10:55 PM

Same as above

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

libido just flactuates. At times you just dont feel like being touched and irritable.

3/29/2015 7:17 AM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

still going through it.

3/29/2015 6:32 AM

10

Painful and unfulfilling

3/29/2015 1:55 AM

11

he is not forth coming until after 10years of abstinence we had it once last month

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

12

accompanied unexpected parental illness

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

13

Increased frequency & foreplay would help.

3/28/2015 10:01 PM

14

sometime was painful.

3/28/2015 9:37 PM

15

Not enouhg

3/24/2015 10:25 PM

16

I get tired of "fighting myself" just to seem interested!!!

3/23/2015 5:06 PM

17

Was a 2 to 3 until we studied, understood and I learned how to press through the "lack of feeling" back to feeling
just as madly in love as I used to be.

3/21/2015 8:12 AM

18

Surgical menopause

3/20/2015 7:10 PM

19

loss of sensation making orgasm more elusive, fatigue due to lack of sleep from night sweats

3/19/2015 6:56 PM

20

Many factors, including loss of income were in play during this time

3/18/2015 8:02 AM

21

wrong view of sex and how God sees it; wrong priorities;

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

22

It is not happening at all.

3/16/2015 9:06 AM

23

She is trying. We like no more periods

3/15/2015 7:25 PM

24

What sex life. Rosy palm and the finger sisters are the only opportunity for release.

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

25

Currently affected by antidepressants due to emotional fluctuations. The tablets inhibit orgasm.

3/15/2015 6:15 PM

26

Although I have less of a sex drive, my sexual enjoyable & occasionally better than before menopause

3/15/2015 6:06 PM

27

Too tired, too stressed.

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

28

Until I got HRT

3/14/2015 6:22 PM

29

Was very hungry for sex. Wanted it more than before menopause.

3/14/2015 3:10 PM

30

not enough. maybe 1x every 10 days.

3/14/2015 12:37 PM

31

Menopause was not difficult for me.

3/14/2015 8:36 AM

32

It was very hard for me to focus because I was so upset.

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

33

fatigue on my part from the excessive bleeding. frequent heavy periods too.

3/14/2015 8:23 AM

34

climax is less predictable. sometimes it happens sometimes not.

3/14/2015 8:17 AM

35

It is harder for me to climax without us using a vibrator.

3/14/2015 8:03 AM

36

the heavy erratic periods during the change over were extremely hard to deal with

3/14/2015 5:59 AM

37

don't remember

3/14/2015 4:42 AM

38

no orgasm

3/14/2015 3:30 AM

39

Had a total hysterectomy at age 44 which put me in immediate surgical menopause

3/13/2015 6:49 PM

40

just seemed did interested with me anywhay

3/13/2015 6:07 PM

41

We have worked very hard on this part of our lives during this season.

3/13/2015 5:49 PM

42

Sex sometimes leaves me sore and at times causes UTI's.

3/13/2015 3:10 PM

43

What sex life. She rejects any and all advances in that direction.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

44

Hot flashes and very heavy monthly periods made sex occasionally uncomfortable or difficult.

3/13/2015 1:18 PM

45

Other physical ailments causing me a lot more grief

3/13/2015 11:06 AM

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SurveyMonkey

46

I struggled with heavy bleeding and anemia in my early 40's resulting in a hysterectomy

3/13/2015 9:59 AM

47

It sex were more frequent, I think it would be better

3/12/2015 9:52 PM

48

So far not happening - see above #4

3/12/2015 9:07 PM

49

Had pain due to dryness

3/12/2015 9:05 AM

50

The discomfort was horrible. Spotting. Frustration.

3/11/2015 2:39 PM

51

Was being judged.

3/11/2015 2:23 PM

52

It changes from month to month! "Different Flavor!"

3/11/2015 1:11 PM

53

When we are together it's great, but the times between seem to be getting longer and longer.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

54

Alot of times lower than a 3 depending on how I feel

3/11/2015 12:13 PM

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Menopause and It's Effect On Your Sex Life

SurveyMonkey

Q9 How enjoyable is your sex life after

menopause, 1 being not enjoyable at all and
5 being the best possible?
Answered: 132

Skipped: 41

0%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

Answer Choices

60%

70%

80%

90% 100%

Responses

25.00%

33

17.42%

23

19.70%

26

16.67%

22

21.21%

28

Total

132

Use this space if you'd like to explain your answer.

Date

N/A

3/31/2015 6:08 AM

See answer about. Not sure I'm finished with menopause

3/30/2015 10:32 PM

Not applicable. She is definitely in the middle of menopause now

3/30/2015 5:06 PM

I can only give this score because of my daily use of Daystar's Menopause Cream. Otherwise it would be a 1

3/30/2015 11:13 AM

sometimes I do enjoy, sometimes I EASILY GET TIRED.

3/30/2015 3:41 AM

Sex could be lovely if it were not for the dry vagina. But for me it has become so dry and painful, I dread the sex

3/29/2015 10:55 PM

Once the hurdles are overcome, the end result is still very satisfying.

3/29/2015 8:37 PM

1 before the hormones and a 10 after adding hormones. :)

3/29/2015 7:17 PM

Husband had a heart attack and there is worry and stress about health issues.

3/29/2015 1:26 PM

10

need to get to the after as am currently on the starting pace.

3/29/2015 8:18 AM

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11

Same as above

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

12

Am still in the process of menopausing

3/29/2015 7:17 AM

13

N/A

3/29/2015 6:32 AM

14

Age has presented new challenges

3/29/2015 1:55 AM

15

I enjoyed it for I have being looking forward to it.

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

16

see not at all

3/28/2015 11:32 PM

17

Not done yet

3/28/2015 11:13 PM

18

there is a different type of pleasure

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

19

Changes brings challenges, and tests depths.

3/28/2015 10:11 PM

20

Still in it.

3/28/2015 10:01 PM

21

Not interested

3/28/2015 9:37 PM

22

Not there yet!

3/23/2015 5:06 PM

23

I think once you figure out that it's over, and that we don't have to worry about pregnancy, and the kids are out of
the house, you can just enjoy each other.

3/23/2015 12:00 PM

24

not over this yet

3/23/2015 11:33 AM

25

Wife is still going through it.

3/22/2015 9:56 AM

26

Not 100% after menopause yet. Almost there.

3/21/2015 8:12 AM

27

You have to experience sex to enjoy it!

3/20/2015 10:49 PM

28

Still in process

3/20/2015 7:10 PM

29

No fear of conception, nice not having to use condoms or other method of birth control

3/19/2015 10:09 PM

30

Pleasure doesn't change as much as possible discomfort taking away. Estrogen vaginal creams and lubricants
are available and very helpful

3/18/2015 8:02 AM

31

Haven't finished yet. I started the change at 36, and at 44, things are still weird.

3/17/2015 12:29 PM

32

the last 5 Years from 60 until today

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

33

As stated above, if not for the oral and manual sex I happily give my husband, and the unending love and
patience he gives me, I would have chosen "1" here.

3/16/2015 5:23 PM

34

It has been over 2 years and has not ended yet.

3/16/2015 9:06 AM

35

It takes too long to build up desire, if I get it at all. I love to play along but the excitement just isn't always there.

3/15/2015 7:05 PM

36

Again, what sex life? Haven't had any meaningful sexual encounter with my wife in the past three years (or
more).

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

37

n/a just starting out on this journey (age 43)

3/15/2015 6:15 PM

38

Not quite finished yet

3/15/2015 6:06 PM

39

Still enjoyable, but so different... I miss needing him physically. Seems to have taken away me physical,desire.

3/15/2015 3:28 PM

40

Better without prolapses. Still not what it was when young.

3/15/2015 1:42 AM

41

Retied, relaxed, having a great time with my man.

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

42

Dryness made it painful.

3/14/2015 10:11 PM

43

Because of HRT

3/14/2015 6:22 PM

44

Not over it yet

3/14/2015 3:27 PM

45

Never really in the mood but once things get going its OK.

3/14/2015 3:10 PM

46

We now have an empty nest and more relaxed time to enjoy each other.

3/14/2015 8:36 AM

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47

On one hand, I REALLY miss my old body. On the other hand, my husband loves me no matter what. And since
I've gone through these things, and we've been together longer, we've gotten better with eachother. We're more
mature and experienced, and we feel "safer" with one another.

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

48

Going through still

3/14/2015 6:58 AM

49

a 10 actually. always good but gets even better

3/14/2015 5:59 AM

50

Husband refuses sex

3/14/2015 3:30 AM

51

Still feel no desire. Not able to orgasm. Sex feels completely one sided.

3/13/2015 7:27 PM

52

After getting my hormones back to where they should be and having a sexual awakening, our sex life is better
than it's ever been. We're going on 34 years of marriage. My husband says I'm what he always prayed I would
be, sexually speaking that is!

3/13/2015 6:49 PM

53

Same as above.

3/13/2015 3:10 PM

54

No sex - she stops any and all advances I try to make.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

55

You don't have to worry about birth control

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

56

Back to normal. :)

3/13/2015 1:18 PM

57

I'm not "after menopause" yet

3/13/2015 11:06 AM

58

Sex is great but i struggle with dryness and irritation of old scar tissue. Estrogen treatment is outrageously
expensive, $!000-!800 per year. I miss my hormone surges and am pretty much a flat line. I simply choose for
that flat line to be constant desire rather than no desire. We have sex often so that I miss it.

3/13/2015 9:59 AM

59

Not done yet!

3/13/2015 7:35 AM

60

we have learned what each other needs, and my husband has matured

3/12/2015 11:40 PM

61

i don't think I'm through yet

3/12/2015 9:52 PM

62

So far not happening - see #4

3/12/2015 9:07 PM

63

Still going through menopause.

3/12/2015 10:25 AM

64

Amazingly better!

3/12/2015 9:05 AM

65

Our frequency is down but quality is still good.

3/11/2015 9:24 PM

66

It's not all that enjoyable because my desire is still very low, but it's better than it was during.

3/11/2015 2:39 PM

67

Physical intimacy ended

3/11/2015 2:23 PM

68

Still in the middle of it!

3/11/2015 1:11 PM

69

Still in the middle of it, but based on the way it's going I'm not really expecting it to be very good once complete.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

70

Still going through

3/11/2015 12:13 PM

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SurveyMonkey

Q10 Is there anything else you would like to

share that would be helpful to those going
through this challenging season?
Answered: 94

Skipped: 79

Responses

Date

Talk to husband, ask for patience, talk to Lord, ask for desire. A friend told me you have to use the muscle, so to
speak, in order to reduce pain.

3/30/2015 10:32 PM

One thing i never knew about & was extremely unprepared for was the physical changes that directly affect the
vagina (can i say that, lol ?). Desire is one thing, but it is not only emotional, which is a battle in itself, but
menopause can cause extreme changes (dryness, thinning of walls, etc) that can cause absolute agony and
wind up indirectly making a woman totally avoid sex for good. There are many, many over the counter items as
well as prescription, that can help SO MUCH . I guess i would tell a woman to relax, have faith in God,
communicate with your spouse ( i cannot emphasize that enough), do your research for your own best options,
and never, ever be ashamed or embarrassed. It can be a beautifully freeing time when you make your spouse
part of your team and not isolate.

3/30/2015 6:15 PM

I would also like to make Women coming after me aware of the fact the Menopause not only effects your sex life
with painful sex and lack of drive. It also effects the mind, lack of mental clarity, anxiety for no reason, depression
etc. It also causes joint pain to the point you can't get out of bed. I believe a lot of the unidentified joint pain and
body aches caused by menopause is misdiagnosed as Fibromyalgia.

3/30/2015 11:13 AM

Prayer, water and faith to go through the process.

3/30/2015 9:48 AM

Just relax and love each other the way you always did

3/30/2015 3:50 AM

Bless all the friends in my life going through the same thing. None of us have any sex drive, and we are willing to
talk about it. Helps to know I'm not the only one. We usually feel guilty enough without the added pressure from
our spouses to perform, or that we are to blame for the decline in our sex life.

3/30/2015 2:04 AM

A patient and understanding husband is a germ during this phase. So keep lines of communication open, let him
know whats happening. Then you will walk together through the trying times, believe me the times will be so
trying.

3/29/2015 10:55 PM

Both partners to get educated on the subject

3/29/2015 9:02 PM

Not getting a period is great, but everything else sucks.

3/29/2015 8:37 PM

10

This is a topic subject that should be shared early in a woman's life to prepare her and her husband too.

3/29/2015 8:28 PM

11

Give your spouse love and understanding

3/29/2015 5:03 PM

12

Yes. Thank you for al your effort in making a difference in this critical developmental stage for wives. I'm a
marriage counsellor and trainer of wives on marriage enrichment and I'm presently pperimenopausal. My
experience has been such a huge eye opener that I decided to include a component on understanding
menopause in my trainings. I continue to be amazed at how little women understand of this important topic and
how unprepared they are. Your research will be a big benefit to women all over the world and will undoubtedly
make a major positive difference in their marriages. God bless you Debi. Summie Mwai from Kenya, East Africa

3/29/2015 4:19 PM

13

When the moods came [and they did] I tried to remember two major things. 1 - give him the benefit of doubt - by
that I mean assume that he has my best intentions at heart, even if his words are rather awkward. 2 - remember
that we are both on the same side. we are a team not opponents.

3/29/2015 1:26 PM

14

being an older bride got married at 44 its truly been a challenge as so much is changing in my physical body and
emotionaly in this season. however I am very aware about it and praying and working hard at positive things to
take me through this season. due to this am battling early depression but knowing what is happening and how to
counter these challenges is most helpful. its straining to a new marriage as we are just about four months
married but God who brought us together is faithful.

3/29/2015 8:18 AM

15

I believe that men also go thru a change in life.

3/29/2015 7:47 AM

16

Wish my husband did not feel so reluctant to address the problem and talk to our GP.

3/29/2015 7:40 AM

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17

Make your family understand what you are going through so they can support you. Also note that not all women
go through this. Some do not experience any symptoms at all, their menses just stop naturally. the medioca
women have minimal symptoms, like just experiencing hot flushes at night or having very few episodes a day.
The women who have severe symptoms, really can feel like they are suffering from some illness. the hot flushes
can be every 45mins especially during the day, also get the flushes at night. At times just thinking of the hot flush
can bring an episode of it. Here am talking of really pouring with sweat. It is so embarrasing when you are with
other people and may be its even winter and you are gushing with sweat.

3/29/2015 7:17 AM

18

Trust in the Lord for stability of moods. I have not experienced any mood swings and i know it's the Lord that did
it.

3/29/2015 6:32 AM

19

I did not even realise I had entered menopause, even with the sudden onset of lack of periods. I thought it was
due to stress. I wish I had been better prepared for menopause and all that it entails - long before I entered
menopause. All the research I have conducted since has helped, however, knowing these things beforehand
would have helped both my husband and I (as well as my teenage son) understand a lot more.

3/29/2015 6:19 AM

20

Read Christan books about the subject, prayer and LOTS of communication to avoid frustration with your partner
and God .

3/29/2015 1:55 AM

21

They should learn to be patient and be prayerful, for God will make everything beautiful at His own time.

3/29/2015 1:28 AM

22

N/A

3/28/2015 11:32 PM

23

its like Ive become a pre senior Somewhat like one becomes a pre teen

3/28/2015 11:08 PM

24

The closeness of sex helps when in a dark mood otherwise.

3/28/2015 10:32 PM

25

As a Christian, God's Christ must be first and foremost. Our marriage journey is His providence; the love and
family, and the extended family and friends must ever be our grateful and rational reward of our shared
pilgrimage. Mistakes are plenty, and lessons abounds; but love is always the victorious winner, and our happy
reward in age and death.

3/28/2015 10:11 PM

26

Husbands need to understand what we are going through. I went through it early at the age of 42, I am now 55.
Life after menopause does improve. Thankfully, my husband has gone through male menooause and things have
slowed down in that area. But, you still long for the days of your younger years. Do what you can to look your
best so you feel good about yourself. Exercise, take good supplements, eat right and pray for wisdom. God
always comes through with an answer and don't be afraid to talk to other women, they may know something that
can help.

3/28/2015 10:07 PM

27

Pray things do not change.

3/28/2015 9:37 PM

28

Nope. Resigned to the way things are and know all will be right on the other side og Jordan.

3/24/2015 2:27 AM

29

I didn't realize how much low testosterone affected my energy level. It's taken 8 months to reach the low end of
normal range w/ DHEA supplements. Also contributed to weight gain.

3/24/2015 1:15 AM

30

Talk to older women BEFORE you get there. Study and do your own research to find out what helps most. Be
willing to experiment and get ready to fight yourself to be what God has called you to be.

3/23/2015 5:06 PM

31

Be kind to each other. Be flexible. This means you may have to wait more for moments together, and there may
be delays that one of you doesn't appreciate. But it is worth waiting for.

3/23/2015 12:00 PM

32

i have nothing i need encouragement i need something to make me sane

3/23/2015 11:33 AM

33

My husband has also experienced E.D. so now there is no sex. I do not enjoy oral sex.

3/22/2015 9:47 PM

34

Stay the course & pray for His Grace

3/22/2015 3:18 PM

35

If there's one thing my friend-both male and female have told me, having experienced it themselves, its to be
patient and understanding with my wife. For the time will come they say, when my wife will finish this stage of her
life and reflect on all she put me through, and then ask for my forgiveness. When that time comes, I'd be a fool not
to be generous with love and forgiveness.

3/22/2015 9:56 AM

36

Understand the possible symptoms. Understand they come and go and are not permanent, so don't lose hope.
Be open with your husband so that you can walk through this together which only deepens the relationship
further. If something doesn't work for a season, look for something that does, as there's almost something that
will.

3/21/2015 8:12 AM

37

For #2, a Once or Twice a Month/Rarely and Never answer should be included so people can choose those
answers. :)

3/21/2015 1:49 AM

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38

Husbands need to be more understanding that life changes, desires change but relationship can still be full and
loving.

3/20/2015 7:10 PM

39

Remember this is a season, not something that you have to go through for the rest of your lives. Commit to pull
together, rather than letting it pull you apart.

3/19/2015 11:30 PM

40

Be creative - if sex becomes painful, don't hesitate to use lubricants. Also, the experience does not have to
involve penetration every time to be satisfying for both of you - be willing to mix it up.

3/19/2015 6:56 PM

41

Due to the hormone and physical changes it is most important for a husband to be kind, loving and supportive.
Both physically and emotionally things can change on a dime. But be assured that this too shall pass.

3/18/2015 8:02 AM

42

I am reminded by the Lord that this is a journey, and that he is with us on the road. All we need to do is hold his
hand, and he will help us through. Oh, and take your vitamins and supplements, and exercise!

3/17/2015 12:29 PM

43

Communicating, communicating and pouring out your Heart to God...he changes us.

3/17/2015 6:02 AM

44

If you liked it before menopause you will still like it after...just with a little more lube

3/17/2015 12:46 AM

45

I had menopause symptoms due to necessary hystorectomy at age 29! You are assuming you have to be 40+ to
have symptoms! Shame on you!

3/16/2015 1:15 PM

46

Get treatment! Don't settle for celibacy!

3/16/2015 12:00 PM

47

Nothing.

3/15/2015 6:41 PM

48

be patient & realistic. talk to your man. treat yourself a REALLY yummy soft comfy nightshirt/nighty (not teddy or
lingerie...but I did that, too)

3/15/2015 6:06 PM

49

My body just doesn't respond as it did before. This makes me sad and I miss our sex life before. I really miss the
physical anticipation and reaction of my body. I am mostly sad for my husband because he misses being able to
get my body crazy excited. Our orgasms are still strong and pleasureable -- but I REALLY miss the intensity of
the anticipation and the responses my body used to have to foreplay. Although he knows it is different for me and
offers to do anything for me, he doesn't know HOW much it has changed. I /we have read many books on sex
over the years, but now I feel lost. I don't know where to go for information or help for someone who is 64 and
struggling.

3/15/2015 3:28 PM

50

Find a hobby you enjoy. If you want a marriage and your material wealth give up on sex. If you want sex, divorce
or look at porn. EVERTHING else is just lies.

3/15/2015 3:09 PM

51

let your husband be a priority in your life. He will be with you through all the ups and downs. Have date nights, do
your best to keep romance alive. Put him before your girlfriends. Get away for the weekend if you can. I wish I
would have trusted God more and worried less. He has taken good care of us and our kids. Have fun with your
husband!!!!

3/15/2015 12:11 AM

52

Share with your doctor and husband! Help us available!

3/14/2015 10:11 PM

53

Dont suffer

3/14/2015 6:22 PM

54

Realizing that I still need sex and that I am desirable

3/14/2015 3:27 PM

55

Husband left on a trip and while he was gone, I decided I was done with sex. Husband was hurt and confused.
Things are better now. Still have no desire but feel closer to husband because we have talked a lot. We had no
sex for a few months and drove hubby nuts. We have some now about once a week but not the same spark as
before. Advise is to not go into a shell.

3/14/2015 3:10 PM

56

Pray, pray and pray. And don't give up and help your husband see the value in not giving up either.

3/14/2015 12:52 PM

57

Keep communication open with your husband!

3/14/2015 12:07 PM

58

Lets just get to the truth of the matter. I dont FEEL like being kind or providing to a selfish wife. I FEEL sexually
frustrated and would like to take a mistress. I FEEL like abandoning this woman and moving away. God has
specifically commanded me to live by HIS plan for my life, not how I feel. The bullshit argument that she doesnt
FEEL sexy or want to be physical and subsequently does NOTHING to fix the problem tells me what sort of
woman I am married to. Thank God for the many relationships, work, and impact I have outside our marriage that
bring comfort and connection because this marriage is a corpse rotting in the sun.

3/14/2015 10:25 AM

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59

For those who are going through it at 40 and 50, please feel glad that you had all your years. Please be thankful
that you were able to bear children if you did. I know that doesnt sound too helpful... but at 29, it's just my
vantage. And I'd REALLY love to hear all the things that others suggest to make my life going forward a little
more normal.

3/14/2015 8:29 AM

60

If you eat more healthy you maybe able to figure out what triggers your hot flashes and eliminate them by
avoiding those foods drinks. I have been able to do that.

3/14/2015 8:23 AM

61

being process oriented... enjoying the closeness and not worrying too much if this time there's no orgasm in
sight, because it could well happen next time, seems to help.

3/14/2015 8:17 AM

62

Lubrication makes it better.

3/14/2015 8:03 AM

63

Pray and draw close to the lord.

3/14/2015 6:58 AM

64

The flight was tough because of the uncontrollable bleeding but this side of menopause is a wonderful time of life.
Something to look forward to.

3/14/2015 5:59 AM

65

instant menopause through a hysterectomy can be challenging. My doctor (female) was a great encouragement.

3/14/2015 4:42 AM

66

Find a DR that understands and respects women.

3/14/2015 3:30 AM

67

Be able to talk to a dr.

3/13/2015 10:00 PM

68

Don't give up! See a Doctor if you need to, to see where your hormone levels are at. You owe it to yourself and
your husband.

3/13/2015 6:49 PM

69

She tried to blame it on me

3/13/2015 6:07 PM

70

Be patient with each other. It is a season. Don't take things so personal. Experiment with new ways of expressing
your love. Use Lubricant (coconut oil is our choice).

3/13/2015 3:10 PM

71

I wish I had an answer.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

72

For me menpause has changed my body in so many ways. Your bones seem to ache & changes the texture of
your hair. I am watching my weight because I don't want to gain weight like a lot of women do during this time.

3/13/2015 2:54 PM

73

Become educated and make friends with a doctor.

3/13/2015 1:18 PM

74

Make sure your spouse knows that it's not just physical changes happening, it's mental and emotional too.

3/13/2015 11:10 AM

75

Communication is key, as always.

3/13/2015 11:00 AM

76

My drive did get stronger at the onset of menopause, but for me the thing that made sex better was no longer
worrying about when I might start my period or worrying about getting pregnant. I felt free to enjoy sex more.

3/13/2015 7:53 AM

77

I am 46, and am peri-menopausal. I am finding that I need to be more intentional to maintain the same level of
intimacy.

3/13/2015 7:36 AM

78

Older women need to help younger women. Women need to learn what it is like to be a man.

3/13/2015 7:35 AM

79

talk to your doctor, don't accept the quick answers

3/12/2015 11:40 PM

80

Christian blogs for Christian women about sex are helpful. This survey could be helpful.

3/12/2015 9:07 PM

81

Again, I stress to get as knowledgeable as possible on alternatives that will help you through this change of life.
The drug industry is quick to make you a 'cash-cow' with its drugs and bio-identical hormones, thyroid meds, etc.
and keep you on them. Find a good holistic doctor that will take the time to find out everything about you and
work with you on alternatives (should you need them). Our diets (a big one), various environment pollutions have
affected our hormones more in this generation than our great-grandmothers and grandmothers. (Just a piece of
information to share - my holistic doctor shared that if you are taking estrogen to wean off of it slowly - the
receptor cells in our bodies crave it like crack/cocaine once you start it - so don't go 'cold-turkey.' You will
definitely have withdrawals if you do. That is why it took me almost two years to get off of it.

3/12/2015 5:14 PM

82

Talk about it. With your spouse & doctor.

3/12/2015 2:16 PM

83

The biggest issue I see is that most women do not know about how dry their vagina will be. And what they can do
about it. Coconut oil or E and coconut oil suppositories work wonders!

3/12/2015 1:12 PM

84

Try hormonal cream if you suffer from depression. Definitely get some coconut oil for intimate times. My hubby
loved it also. :-)

3/12/2015 10:25 AM

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85

It is usually a season only. Communicate w your spouse. Ask & receive help! I was constantly weepy & realized
finally that it was menopause. Had my ovaries but had hysterectomy 5 years prior. Doctors were not much help
until I self advocated. God will get you through this!

3/12/2015 9:05 AM

86

Seek help for hormone issues. My gynecologist said you don't want to feel like you are being dragged to the
party. It has been nine months since my hysterectomy and my husband and I are still working to make things
better. Be loving and patient with each other and most important communicate with each other.

3/11/2015 9:24 PM

87

Don't be afraid to speak to their Dr.

3/11/2015 5:40 PM

88

It is very challenging and takes a great deal of understanding for both people involved. I had a 'early'
hysterectomy (45) so it threw me into menopause symptoms. then as the 60 year old era begins it is just a
'fading' hope to begin again as we both seem to not have much interest.

3/11/2015 5:33 PM

89

Talk to your husband and explain what you are going through. His help and your honest exchanges of
communication will get you through.

3/11/2015 2:39 PM

90

Accept changes with grace!

3/11/2015 2:23 PM

91

Keep your diet healthy with the right kinds of healthy fats (coconut oil, avocados, grass fed butter, olive oil) and
non- processed foods, as well as plenty of fresh produce and low sugar. Exercise regularly and drink plenty of
water. Avoid sodas and fruit juices, as well as alcohol. This was tremendously helpful for me for physical health,
mental health, energy, etc. also go to bed before 10:00 p.m. And be diligent to not overload your schedule. Stay
in the Word and spend time with God each day seeking Him to help you navigate these new and sometimes
rough waters. Remember God wastes nothing and menopause can be a time for great personal and spiritual
growth. Also, the adrenal glands are taking over as the ovaries end their job so getting on a good adrenal support
can help with hot flashes and sleep cycles. Standard Process has a wonderful whole foods supplement that has
worked very well for me. It's called Drenamin. Also remember when you feel crabby, your body is changing. It's
easy to forget that and take it out on friends and family members. If you let them, they can help you stay the
course of kindness. Asks them to remind you that they love you when you are feeling crabby and to give you
opportunity to rest and regroup.

3/11/2015 1:52 PM

92

Nothing I can share, but looking forward to what others can share to help me deal with it. At this time I just try to
love on her the best I can in ways that she feels loved and pray about it daily.

3/11/2015 12:26 PM

93

Go to a dr. who is willing to work with you on this and not tell you it's life and deal with it.

3/11/2015 12:15 PM

94

Keep God the center of your marriage Pray and don't think you are drawing apart because you are not in the
mood as often. It's a part of menopause for some and enjoy the times you have even if you have to use Ky or
other types to make it enjoyable.

3/11/2015 12:13 PM

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