Psychological Autobiography: An Analysis of Myself

INTRODUCTION
They pose as having discovered and attained their real opinions
through self-evolution of a cold, pure, divinely unperturbed dialectic:
while what happens at bottom is that a prejudice, a notion, an
inspiration, generally a desire of the heart sifted and made abstract, is
defended by them with reasons sought after the event - Friedrich
Nietzche
This quote from the chapter On the Prejudice of Philosophers seems
to be one of great wisdom to me. The desire to come to understand my
own biases, without backwards realization or a desire for confirmation,
may help me attain a more worldly and holistic perspective. During my
casual research on the topic of psychology, I have always been interested
in how theories relate to me. Certainly, I wanted to understand others,
however, in the end, whom do we interact with most if not ourselves? I
came into this project with a certain recognition. Most people willing go
about they're day passing out judgments of others, yet few have the guts
to look inward. I found this project fascinating in that I could perhaps
come to see myself, not just in the way I want to or are use to seeing me,
but in the way I truly am.
It is this realization that made me fascinated in my work on this
psychological autobiography? What biases do I have? Where do my
insecurities hold me back from seeing the truth? Am I backwardsrationalizing my behavior? All these questions have been on my mind as
I have sifted through my memories and researched major psychological
theories. I hope to bring a level of honesty, openness, and humility to my
work in hopes that I will learn more about myself, for as Rogers
says, the facts are ALWAYS friendly.(Rogers)
DESCRIPTION

In order to analyze myself I find it is best to lay the groundwork for who
I perceive myself to be. In my description I will give the reader multiple
perspectives on who I perceive myself to be and my process of
becoming. In this description I hope to give the reader a better
understanding of who I am. In the process of accounting this I myself
have recalled things that have helped me make connections between
different moments in my life that I have now realized as having been
largely influential on character traits I see today. I have attempted to
look at not only the parts of my personality and life I am proud of but
also my vulnerabilities in order to give my reader a holistic and less
biased perspective.
Strengths and Weaknesses
Understanding what one allows oneself to develop a realistic sense of
self-esteem and can help observers to clearly comprehend a persons life
struggles and successes. To start this I have chosen my key character
strength: resilience. Although I do not perceive this as one of my
strengths when I was a child, I have recently realized that my greatest
strength is my ability to handle stress. I am rarely overwhelmed and I am
consistently capable of seeing the positive sides of situations. My second
strength is my Self Esteem Stability, not only in my positive outlook on
myself, but also in that I have relatively few insecurities. This has,
throughout the last few years, given me superb confidence as well as a
stable source of positivity. Theoretical intelligence is yet another area I
excel in. I have been developing philosophical theories since age 7
(starting with time travel and determinism), and have recently, since my
interests grew in the area of theoretical physics, recognized a strong
aptitude in the comprehension of complex abstract theory. Aptitude in
this has not only given me purpose, perspective, and effective life
strategies, but also the ability to empathize with others as I do not find it
difficult to see their humanity. My next strength I see as being openmindedness. For the past few years, I have found the emotional stability
to question myself with a level of detachment. This process has allowed

me to revisit my biases self criticize as well as see the standpoints of

others without judgment.
My weaknesses are also plentiful. The first weakness I recognize is
inconsiderateness, which is, for me, the struggle to fully think out the
situations that I am in causing me to behave recklessly which often puts
others in uncomfortable situations. This weakness is complimented by
my near total lack of neuroticism which often leads me to make the
assumption that other are like me and thus do not worry about things as
much as they do, or at least that they shouldn't. I recognize this as a
flaw and I am consciously working on being more perceptive to how
much people worry about me (often much more than I worry about
myself). I struggle with absent mindedness as well, or, in other words,
getting to absorbed in an activity or thoughts to pay attention to those
around me or my responsibilities. This problem gets me in trouble with
situations at school and personal relations as others may feel like I am
not considering them and I often forget school assignments. I have
recently been diagnosed with ADHD and will soon be taking pills to
cope. Meanwhile, I also meditate daily to combat this issue. Related to
ADHD is my struggle with weak memory. I often struggle to recall
names, places where I put things, and tasks I have to complete. This
issue can cause me trouble in relating to others as well as in my finances
and school life. Lastly, I suffer from unrealistic optimism. Though
optimism can be seen as a positive trait as it relates to your enjoyment of
life and confidence, it can also get in your way if you set your goals to
high. This is something I have a bad habit of doing, often leading to the
frustration of those close to me as well the disappointment of the people
I am planning things with when the proposed idea can no longer come to
fruition.
Group Identities
The knowledge of who we associate with is a key aspect of knowing
who we are on the inside, as our environment is in constant relation with
our innerworld. I currently feel a strong connection with two prominent

groups in this part of my life. Since early highschool I have developed a

strong kinship with a small group of people, my friends Daniel, James,
Andrew, Shawn, Carico, and Kelsey. Daniel Garcia is currently my best
friend though we rarely see each other these days, as he still lives in
california. Since the early eleventh grade we have become very close,
connecting over our love for martial arts and our discussions of
transcendental philosophy. Next semester we will be living in an
appartment together making money, learning life skills, and breaking
free of the things that have held us stagnate thus far in our lives. My
friend James Holland is the person I met Daniel through, and was my
first true friend in highschool. He can be somewhat sensitive and
defensive at times, but hes a very smart guy and fun to be around.
Andrew Cohee was my best friend in the late eleventh grade and early
twelfth when we bonded over our love of martial arts and guitar, as well
as our love lives. Though the two of us have since gone our seperate
ways in some senses though we still talk occassionally and hang out
quite a bit during our vacations between college semesters. Shawn
Moore is another one of my early highschool friends. Though getting to
know eachother through a debate that lasted 2 years over athiesm versus
creationism isn't usually the most ideal way to develop a friendship, by
the end of our second year of knowing eachother we had become very
close, even before Shawn changed to being an athiest. Other than
spending casual time together, I often give Shawn somewhat therapeutic
support these days with his struggle against depression. Mark Carico is
another member of our close friend group and though I have never been
as close to him as my twin, we often bond over our similar love of action
movies, martial arts, and the ladies. Lastly comes Kelsey Rundell; being
the best friend of my currently girlfriend and in a relationship with my
twin brother made us very close while we also connect over guitar and
humor. My friends have shaped my identity more than any other group
in my life, and were witnesses to my chief personal changes. The
greatest benefits I feel have attained from this group are comfort in their
understanding and acceptance of me as a person, the perspective they
have on some crucial years of my development, as well as inside jokes
and similar beliefs. We are all atheists or agnostics, interested in martial

arts and music, moderately liberal, and admittedly have had, throughout
high school, a very low level of discipline. These people make me feel
at home and I feel most myself around them.
The next group is one I have recently enveloped myself in is the IPower
movement. This online social network, defined by the principles of
open-mindedness, active thinking, and living what you believe, strongly
related to my own personal goals. These new interests weighed on my
mind for almost four months during which I came to a realization: I
wanted to help others find true, lasting joy in there lives in hopes that it
would give them the motivation to help others to do the same. It was a
simple trick of fate that only a week later I discovered IPower, a group
whose primary interest is in something called Self-Development
Activism, (or SDA). As stated by the founder of the movement, Chiren
Boumaaza, If you want to start changing the world, you have to start by
changing yourself. I have come to live by this principle, and I wish to
encourage others to do likewise.
Myself Through the Eyes of Others
Truly listening to the opinions of others allows us to escape our own
biases and insecurities and to expand our perspective on ourselves. On
average, people tend to see me as I see myself. Judgments people
commonly make about me are close synonyms to confident, funny,
disorganized, reckless, deep, and kind. The emphasis on which qualities
tends to depend on how the person relates to me, so I would now like to
delve into the more subjective viewpoints.
My immediate family has known me for my entire life, and thus has a
distinct perspective. My parents, to start off, tend to see me as somewhat
irresponsible, which I tend to agree with, though I think that this opinion
is augmented due to their worries about my school life and safety. On
the other hand, they also see me as being very kind, especially in my
interactions with children. The third quality my parents would attribute
to me is a stubborn free-spiritedness, as I have often resisted their

control despite their demands. My parents also describe me as honest, as

I have always told them about the nature of my activities, even if it
results in consequences. The main point of contention I have with my
parents today is that I feel they mostly see me in the past, and have
failed to fully understand the deeper side of who I am. This can lead to
frustration on my part as I do not feel I can connect with them on these
deeper levels.
My brothers also have their own unique perspectives. Bryan, my older
brother, would probably first of all describe me as deep, as we engage in
philosophical conversations daily and share ideas with each other.
Seeing as he is a philosophy major, I find this most fitting. Bryan might
also describe me as reckless, due to the difference in the level of control
we feel we need in our lives. This opinion is complimented by his
knowledge of my absentmindedness, which to him gives me all the more
reason to be careful. Mark, my twin brother, meanwhile, would describe
me almost exactly as I describe myself, with perhaps a slightly stronger
emphasis on kindness due to his own incredibly giving personality that I
think he likes to reflect on me in a somewhat whimsical way. Though I
definitely possess this quality, Mark's phenomenal desire to help the
world is something which I have yet to match.
My close friends tend to describe me in a somewhat similar fashion
across the board, though there is some varience. The most common
assessments would most likely be fun, funny, deep, reckless, eccentric,
kind, helpful, and lazy. I tend to agree with most all of these judgments
except for lazy, which I believe is something that may have used to
categorize some of my behavior, but not so much anymore.
The last group, my teachers, tend to say two things about me almost
unfailingly. Keith, you are extremely intelligent, and you are also a
horrible student. This statement is one I would have to agree with, a
quality I have attained through many years of apathy towards school and
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. I would guess that these two

judgments most likely come from seeing me in a classroom setting

which tends to be oriented around intellect.
Values and Goals
Discussing my values and goals, to me, seems like a powerful process
for understanding me, what I want, and the process of who I am
becoming. Without doubt, the thing that I value most in my life is
wisdom. For me wisdom means the strategy to obtain harmony,
happiness, and peace in ones own life and it comes from an
understanding of who I truly am, learning what it is I truly want, and
how to relate to others harmoniously. So far this process has led me to
value honesty, kindness, open-mindedness, detachment, and universal
love. I am still far from fully grasping wisdom and I do not believe I will
ever fully understand it, as this is impossible.
The wisdom I have found thus far is deeply influential on my life. It is
common knowledge that being authentic helps people lean trust and
respect you as well as it helps one to avoid getting caught up in lies,
which can lead to stress and pain for oneself and those around him.
However, I also find that it is a seldom recognized fact that learning to
honestly express oneself can strongly attract the people who relate to
you the best into your life, creating powerful relationships for years to
come. Telling the truth also helps people to better understand, and thus
empathize with you, making honesty a paramount quality. Being honest
vulnerabilities, the things you fear, are weak at, or are insecure about, is
perhaps one of the hardest things to do in life. However, I find that
expressing these things can build a level of empathy and openness with
others that is truly priceless. Though kindness for me comes after
honesty, I still find it to be a incredibly powerful act. Kindness not only
improves the life of the person you are helping as well as there
impression of you, but also can help them to be more kind and joyous to
the people they associate this. Thus one act of kindness can help build
communities, while multiple acts are the very fabric communities
ground themselves in. On a more intellectual note, I consider

openmindedness to be a key trait for the discovery of wisdom.

Insecurities and belief systems that were ingrained in us before our brain
was fully developed can often bring people to wild conclusions on life. It
is easy for a person to get caught up in their own thought and not
consider the viewpoints of others, however, we all exist on a relatively
similar intellectual level, and others have a full life time of experience to
teach from. The Dunning-Kruger effect, discovered in a a psychological
study in 1999, shows that relatively unintelligent people often lack the
ability to recognize their deficency due to their lack of intelligence, if
this is true, perhaps we should spend more time considering the opinions
of others to avoid miscalculation. This leads me to detachment, or
avoiding letting things trouble you or cause you stress. I naturally do
somewhat well with this due to my lack of neuroticism and thus have
been able to recognize its positive effects. I have, due to detachment,
been able to move on quickly from any sort of stress or pain in my life,
been able to see the positive ends of situations, and been able to focus
under tremendous pressure. Lastly this has allowed me to empathize
with people who have hurt me and to understand and either implement
or dismiss negative feedback I get from others, as I have learned to not
take it personally. The last and most important quality is universal love.
This core ethic not only allows us to find greater joy in life (as we see
things more positively), more passion (as we are driven by our joy), and
a greater sense of empathy for others but I also feel this love is
warrented. We learn to love our families and the people close to us
because we have been exposed to the depth of who they are, the only
reason why we haven't found this in others is because we have yet to
expose ourselves. It is my heartfelt opinion that all life as well as our
material universe are incredibly beautiful, and deserve respect and love.
Following this tenant there are multiple life goals I am pursuing. The
most prominent of these is a degree in psychology for further research
into understanding myself and how can I make improvements in the way
I am and the way I act. I am also interested in psychology to understand
how I can best help and understand others. After college I would like to
take my degree to become an author, therapist, and speaker. Idealistically

I would like to head off the IPower movement and bring about a cultural
revolution for widespread SDA. My second goal is to travel the world. I
have decided to do this through attaining a tandem skydiving instructor
license over my time at college. I hope to fund my travels through
skydiving instruction following the footsteps of a close friend of mine. I
hope this will broaden my horizons and give me a more universal
understanding of wisdom.
Personal Style of Relation
The way one connects with the people around them can give a key
insight not only on the personal axioms one holds for human kind but
also a insight into who they are. The way I relate with the people I know
usually revolves around familiarity. The most outer of these personas I
give is that of being a jester. Since deep conversation is so difficult in
large groups, I like to lighten the mood through the use of humor. I think
this is a generally positive attribute though it doesn't advertise my desire
to have deep conversations as much as I'd like. Once I get to know
people better my method of communication starts to turn toward deep
conversation. I truly enjoy learning what others have to teach me and
seeing how I can best relate to them and help them along their own
paths. This is probably my favorite style of relation. When people I
detect that someone is going through emotional trauma in my close
vicinity I try to quickly change what I am doing to giving this person
empathy. I enjoy helping others through rough times as it feels like the
right thing to do. The best tactic I find for this is that of patient listening,
ons, and reflecting what I hear said. I try to be humble in these situations
and not give to much advice, though I often fail in this endeavor. Lastly
if I am feeling emotionally disturbed I try to relate to others through
honesty and the display of vulnerability. I find that this works best if I
am honest about my pains, fears, or discomforts rather than hiding them
inside me.
Personal Development

I have developed massively in multiple ways in my life but none so great

as with my self-esteem. As early as the age of six my dad would warn
me against the bragging and hubris I possessed at an early age. Though I
clearly had a strong positive self-esteem, I was a bit too interested in
showing off to make others feel comfortable. However, this did not
become a problem until I left homeschooling to join public schools.
Once I arrived, my twin brother and I were immediately outcast for our
undeveloped social skills and lack of familiarity with middle school
culture. Being ridiculed brought me to a state of high yet unstable selfesteem throughout my middle school and high school life which caused
me to be defensive and a show off. Though my self-esteem has begun to
stabilize over the last few years, it didn't truly become stable until late
last year when I read The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. The
aforementioned book is a loose autobiography of a man who had
experienced what he calls enlightenment. Centered around eastern
philosophical ideas, this book inspired me to want to find a similar level
of joy in my life and wisdom in my life. It also expanded my personal
philosophy on how I would live my life, and convinced me that the goal
of life was to be happy.
The next area of improvement I've had is in being judgmental. When I
was young, I use to love to categorize and rate things in a very linear
fashion. This tendency caused me to be a little bit judgmental of those
around me, and I tended to not see things holistically. In a somewhat
natural progression over the last few years I have become progressively
less so, seeing things from multiple perspectives, and understanding the
level of subjectivity that exists within any analysis.
The development of organizational skills is a process I am still working
on. I have always had difficulty focusing, being a child with
undiagnosed ADHD up until now. This factor was complimented by the
loose home school system I worked in as a child and then further in
middle school, when, in trying to fit in I began to purposefully not do
homework, a habit that has haunted me up into the present day. Recently

however, I have been fighting this habit with renewed vigor and have
made substantial progress in my level of productivity.
The third development has been my reading of the Way of the Peaceful
Warrior. After reading this book my entire direction in life changed, the
things which are most important to me have developed from the change
that came inside me after reading this book.
Family
To understand someones early family life and cultural heritage can give
a key insight into that persons most deep seated biases, as they are
developed near birth, while the brain is very maleable and the child has
little capability for critical thought. My dad, Bob, an INFP, is possibly
one of the most talented people I have ever met, yet also one of the most
humble. Hes a rather quiet and reflective guy, and as his parents
described him, a bit of an absent minded professor. My dad is now a
deeply spiritual Quaker who's life centers around his job as the head of
Ben Lomond Quaker Center, silent worship, reading up on things that
interest him, and practicing his many hobbies. Though I differ him in
extroversion to introversion, I have always felt a strong bond with my
dad over his similar free-spiritedness, analytical mind, spirituality, skillset, hobbies, and weaknesses. My dad is usually a fairly easy-going
parent, with the occasional outburst of frustration; he taught me to enjoy
most of the hobbies I love today.
My mom, Kathy is an ESFJ, her most defining traits are her warmth
joyousness, and nurturing character. She is very kind but she can also be
judgmental, and is more easily upset than the other people in my
relatively non-neurotic family. She is very thoughtful, considerate, and
organized, all traits of which I am not, but we share a bond in our
extroversion and love for kids. As a parent, my mom raised us in a very
humanistic fashion, homeschooling us in a no punishment selfdirected way up until the 6th grade.

My twin brother (an INFP with relatively ambiguous scores in his

thinking to feeling and judging to perceiving functions) and I have an
incredibly unique relationship. The two of us have never truly disliked or
felt seriously angry with each other for any extended period of time. In
fact, we both know each other so well that we feel comfortable letting
the other speak for us. Mark's most defining character trait is his desire
and obsession with helping the world, something he pursues with almost
inhuman vigor. He is more introverted than I am as well as more
organized and less prone to rash actions. Mark also loves kids with a
passion that even surpasses my own, and is a very kind individual. Mark
is also a bit of a goofball at times, and his greatest desire is to love and
be loved.
My older brother, an INTJ, is a man who lives for his thought. A
philosophy major, Bryan is attempting to seek truth and wisdom in his
life, though he is rather pessimistic he'll find anything of absolute or
universal value. He enjoys playing strategy game and relaxing, both of
which hes very good at. A very careful individual, Bryan lives his life
under the line of thought that the consequences of most actions are not
worth the potential risks, and therefore should be avoided. Bryan is also
a talented visual and musical artist, and he plans to follow these passions
in his future career.
Childhood Groups
The groups one involves themselves with is almost as important as their
family life for understanding deep rooted bias. I was involved with a few
different clubs and organizations as a child, and they all left a mark on
me. The most consistent of these groups has been Quakerism. Ever since
I was four we have attended Quaker meetings, and since I was 6 we have
been attending quarterly and yearly gatherings frequently. I met many of
my good childhood friends through Quakerism, and they taught me well
in the subjects of community and cuddle puddles. Though I have never
been a religious person, I have always been accepted in this group.

The most consistent of these groups was youth soccer. Being on a soccer
team every year up until turning eighteen(even then I joined an
intramural team), has caused me to take a greater interest in physical
activities as I have built up confidence in them from encouragement
since I was very young. I still love to play soccer, and I often come out
for small pick up games here at Earlham.
The third group, though I have only been involved with it since seventh
grade, probably had a greater influence on my life than either soccer or
Quakerism. Kuk Sool Won, the martial art I used to take, became an
obsession and a passion throughout my high school career is still
prevalent now as I head and organize a martial arts group here at
Earlham. Kuk Sool helped me grow in maturity better than most likely
any other activity in the areas of discipline, cooperation, and focus.
ANALYSIS
I now wish to turn the focus to how different theories apply to my life. I
have chosen to discuss the important events of my life, the influence of
my family and friend, and how to different theories relate to my
personality and development to supplement this section. This section, I
hope, will give the reader a better understanding of who I am in the light
of modern psychological theory.
Life Events
Events throughout peoples lives can literally do anything and everything
to who they are and who they will become. Throughout my life I have
had quite a few moments of triumph and loss that played a large role in
my future. These events that I have chosen to write about are ones that I
see as having greatly changed the course of my development. This
includes becoming Quaker, joining public school, rejection, relationship,
reading the Way of the Peaceful Warrior, experiencing inner peace, and
finding IPower. I do not feel any societal events largely effected who I
have become, and thus I have not included any to create space for more
personal events.

My families move to Quakerism had a strong effect on my life. I don't

really remember this very well, as I was only four, however, I am certain
I would not be the same person without this influence. My parents
beliefs, for one, have been profoundly influenced by Quakerism, and this
has greatly effected the way in which we were raised. My parents have
always taught me that violence is not the answer, and non-violence is a
force more powerful. I have been learning non-violent communication (a
sort of humanistic theory for problem solving) since the age of nine and
I have been taught to respect the views of others and view authorities as
equals, a very Quaker ideal. Lastly, I think that that my former highly
liberal political views were largely a result of the influence of my yearly
meetings effect on my family.
The next major event in my life was joining public school. This
particular event had a massive effect on my self-esteem because of huge
amount of social criticism I received, so much that I am still discovering
ways in which it shaped me . The most prominent effect was the creation
of insecurity an unstable self-esteem. Due to my high self-esteem before
entering public school, the criticism I received created cognitive
dissonance around the views I held about myself were being
contradicted by evidence in the social sphere. This contradiction caused
me to cover up my feeling by becoming an advocate for my insecurities.
I began to attempt to flaunt how charismatic and attractive I thought I
was in order to attempt to convince others I was these things, and thus
convince myself. Unfortunately, as one might expect, it had the opposite
effect. The second effect that social criticism had on my life was in the
area of schoolwork. Due to my insecurities, I started to become
purposefully lazy to be more like the cool kids who didn't care about
school. This unfortunately led to a value system in which I would feel
good about myself for having achieved something with a minimal
amount of actual effort, instead of mentally rewarding myself for the
actual result of what I accomplished. I also began to associate homework
with boredom, making it difficult for me to focus on my work.

Falling in love with and being rejected by Hannah Rose, a girl I met
from my parents work when I was 12, caused me a large struggle in my
early life. I find it difficult to talk about Hannah most of the time simply
because I don't think that falling in love is common in eleventh grade,
and thus people will naturally excuse a claim of youthful love as naivety.
However, having spent three years falling for her, and the second two
trying to build up the courage to tell her, my infactuation was deep, and
quickly became very unhealthy. Her rejection continued to deeply effect
me emotionally all the way up until my reading of the Way of the
Peaceful Warrior, some two years later. It is also possible that this
rejection also caused me an identity crisis in the middle of my fidelity
stage as the majority of my identity was centered around the image I had
of this girl and without her as a possibility of love in my future I felt
purposeless and lost. The process of falling in love with and being
rejected by her has come to deeply influence my romantic interests. In
recent reflections on what caused me to love her I have better learned
what I am looking for and through this learned to not to settle for
someone who is incompatible with me. Though I, at first, had difficulty
with motivation, and finding new meaning and purpose after being
rejected, a sudden up turn in my social life at my school brought me
back on track.
The upturn in my social life I mentioned in the last paragraph brings me
to the fourth significant event in my life. Only a few months after being
rejected, a girl from my school became very interested in me. Though I
was still miles away from being over the girl I spoke of in the previous
paragraph I eventually succumbed and asked her out, having never been
in a real relationship before. The relationship was slightly tumultuous
however as she was a relatively critical and depressed person yet it did
help set right my unstable self-esteem and build the level of confidence I
possess today. After a bad break up with her eleven months later, I lived
my last year of highschool as one of the most popular kids at the school,
a social status that was the direct opposite of my first year at the school
in seventh grade. I have had relatively little struggles with self-esteem
since this time and it has had a very positive effect on my life.

Reading The Way of the Peaceful Warrior changed my life forever.

While at the Woolman semester, my teacher and personal mentor, Jacob
Holzberg-Pill recommended the book to me in relation to my interests at
the time. A few weeks after his suggestion, I actually opened the book.
The next to days I spent every moment of free-time I had available
engrossed in its pages. After reading the last page, I knew something
within me had changed. I had become more secure, confident, and
definitely more joyous. The book convinced me to seek true joy and
enlightenment in my life, and not to settle for a life of mediocrity. I
have always been a relatively joyful person, however, since reading
The Way, I have become exponentially happier; a process that I
continue to see progress in as I continue to research the nature of
wisdom.
This reading of the peaceful warrior had already brought me great joy in
my life, however, there was one more spiritual event that brought a
great change in my life. Late last spring, after falling asleep, in the
meetinghouse after a concert I awoke and found myself in a state of
profound relaxation. I do not have the scientific background to truly
described what went on underneath this experience so I will simply
describe it. Upon waking up I realized I wasn't worrying about anything
at all, not even in the slightest and whats more, a few minutes later, I
suddenly remembered I had forgotten to turn in a financial aid document
and that this would probably mean I couldn't return to college. What
surprised me was it didn't bother me. I quickly realized something that
made me laugh, no matter where I was or what happened to me, I would
still be happy Upon going outside it occurred to me how beautiful the
world I lived in was, and I was filled with immense joy. I spent the next
two days finishing up homework I had previously lacked the desire to
do, helping my ex work through some issues, and speaking to my
brother during which I realized I had a profound desire to help the
world, more than I had ever before. This state ended by midday the next
day, however, since then I have frequently been able to bring myself
back through meditation and long runs.

The final event I wish to speak of was only a few days after the one I
just mentioned. Having realized how strongly I wanted to help the
world, I had come to the decision that I wanted to help as many people
discover the state I was in as well as other positive aspects of their
psychology in hopes that the increasing joy in there life would motivate
them to help others as it had for me. Only two days later I learned of the
IPower movement. Not only did I realize how interested I was in
neurology and positive/humanistic psychology from this, but I was also
deeply motivated by the fact that these people seemed to share my
objective. Since discovering IPower I have taken up meditation as a
daily practice and I now actively spend time in introspection,
discovering the issues I struggle with and then confronting them.
Influence of Family and Close Friends
My family and close friends have made a great impact upon my ethics,
personality, and hobbies in my life. In this section I would like to discuss
both genetic and developmental influences. From my knowledge of the
family tree, there are quite a few traits from my family that I have
inherited. The most interesting and noticeable trait is the similarities
between myself and my dad. We both are strongly intuitive and
perceiving types correlating to our theoretical and laid back/adventurous
attitudes while we our both almost entirely ambiguous on our T/F
function. We both have the same skill sets in that we our good at math,
theories, music, art, long distance running, while we both have the same
weaknesses, that being memory, organization, and recklessness. My dad
of course is far older and has grown out of many of the weaknesses he
had in his youth, and has developed a skill set that dwarfs my own,
however, as far as natural similarities we are amazingly close. I do not,
however, think this is entirely the result of genetics, and I believe it is
largely correlated with his influence on my development.
My close friends and family have both taken a massive role in
developing my system of beliefs throughout my life. In my early years
my parents ingrained liberal ideas of non-violence, the questioning of

authority, and humanistic child rearing into my psychology. I became

very interested in politics from an early age largely due to my parents,
and my relative agreement with the Quaker principles: simplicity, peace,
integrity, community, equality, and stewardship (aka SPICES) is largely
correlated with their influence. Since my dad was such a role model for
me, I have no doubt that part of the reason we have so many similarities
is due to idolization. Similarly my close friends have also effected my
beliefs. Arguing with my friend Shawn, a former creationist, most
certainly helped deeply root me in my agnostic beliefs. Meanwhile my
close friendship with my best friend Daniel has influenced me to be
interested in self-development and eastern philosophy, while also
encouraging my passion for martial arts.
Theories
I see a multitude of psychological theories that I have confronted in class
and outside of it as having a strong correlation with my life. However, in
this paper, I would like to focus on Psychosocial. Though I agree with
behavioist theory on an intellectual, theoretical level, I think that the
behaviorist instruments of measurement are to rigid to capture the
holistic nature of humanity. Meanwhile, what we read on humanistic
theory, though right up the alley of my belief system and ethics, was not
as much focused on child development as a personal state.
Psychosocial Theory:
1. Hope - Basic Trust vs. Mistrust: This stage should have been easy
pass for me. At this age I was sleeping near my parents and had all
my needs accounted for. I am a very naturally trusting person, as I
believe humanities basic nature tends to be pro-social.
2. Will - Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt: This stage went perfectly
for me. My dad would often go on walks and short runs with us as
well as go to the Tahoe beach where we were allowed to explore
with relative but safe freedom.

3. Purpose - Initiative vs. Guilt: This stage as well went by with

relatively few problems as well. My parents were very encouraging,
helping me to feel good about my actions and encouraging my
involvement in sport and playgroups.
4. Competence - Industry vs. Inferiority: This stage may have been to
successful for me. I was encouraged to arrogance by relatively
strong skills in soccer as well as music and in my opinion at the
time intelligence. As I have discussed previously I have since had to
deal with the results of arrogance and was further damaged by the
way social criticisms destabilized my self-esteem.
5. Fidelity - Identity vs. Role Confusion: This stage also had a few
bumps along the way. At the very beginning of this stage I started to
identify myself strongly with being liberal, intellectual, and a
sports, mostly soccer, kind of guy. However, at age thirteen my
growing affections for the Hannah Rose began to overpower that
sense of identity, as my motivation and drive now started to center
around impressing and being with her. After the rejection I had a
short while in which I was very confused and didn't no precisely
where I was headed, however, I soon began to redevelop a sense of
self around new close friends, martial arts and philosophical
inquiry. Now my sense of self almost entirely rests on my views on
wisdom and following them.
6. Intimacy vs. isolation I feel this stage went well for me. I have
many close friends that I feel absolutely open to, and there is rarely
a thing about myself that I am unwilling to discuss.
CONCLUSION
Writing this paper has helped me come to understand myself and what I
want out of life. Though I am a naturally reflective person, organizing
my memories and ideas has been profound in my personal development.
However, the past is useless when not applied to the present, and what is

the present without hope for the future. The ability I have now to look at
my past has given me a strong insight on things I should have done.
What will I think of my actions now? what will I think of my beliefs?
This begs the question: Who will I become?
I am at my core a philosopher, yet not in the academic sense. When I say
philosopher I mean this as the Greeks meant it, and by this I mean, a
lover of wisdom. For me the greatest question of wisdom pertains to the
self, for it is with no single thing that we relate more with than ones own
mind. For this reason I have no doubt that the study of myself will be the
most influential factor in my own life. However, after my love of
wisdom there is no doubt that my second greatest obsession is with selfdevelopment. For this reason I will continue to develop organizational
abilities, mindfulness, and planning. Under this assumption I am
guessing that I will will graduate from college with a degree in
psychology, travel the world, write books, and begin my practice as a
life coach and therapist. I have little doubt that I will be a extremely
joyful person, as I am already seeing my inward change in that direction,
and I hope that by this time my relatively weak self-discipline,
responsibility, and mindfulness will be things of the past.
Through this assignment I have better learned the importance of
analyzing the self. Over the last few months, I have taken to analyze my
behavior, taking notes each day on things that went on and how well I
did in relation to certain criteria. Then I use the scientific method to
reflect on my recordings, to observe trends, and then attempt to create a
strategy for more positive results. These attempts were partially inspired
by this project, and I would recommend this form of self reflection for
anyone. Self-reflection is not just something one does once, it is a way
of life.