Emily Hoeppner

Dr. Erin McLaughlin

WR 13000
3 April 2015
Power Down: The Negative Effects of Text Messaging in Dating Culture
In 2014, a short video entitled Look Up, created by Gary Turk, went
viral throughout social media. This video represents how the usage of
communication via technology has affected the way humans interact. In his
explanation for the video, Turk states, Look Up is a lesson taught to us
through a love story, in a world where we continue to find ways to make it
easier for us to connect with one another, but always results in us spending
more time alone (Turk). The film follows the life of a man and all of his
amazing experiences that he had because he asked a women for directions
in the street. It then rewinds back to that moment and instead of asking the
women for directions, he rather has his face planted in his phone and missed
the opportunity to create a relationship with the random women in the
street. This short video inspired the research conducted in this paper
because the video demonstrated the hard facts that technology, such as
texting, tears us away from opportunities to truly and deeply communicate
with people.
This is not a new phenomenon, as communication between dating
couples has for years been impacted by Internet technologies. Internet
technologies have impacted communications between dating couples for

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years. Leila Green, a senior lecturer at Edith Cowan University, demonstrates
in her book, Communication, Technology and Society, some of the negative
effects that Internet had on relationships, mostly for college students, ages
17 to 23. For example, cybersex, or sexual intimacy through the use of the
Internet, began to spark interest in the moral use of technology to carry out
relationships. The question of infidelity between real life and virtual life
partners became an issue (Green 183). Cyber-romance became very popular,
and inhibited the way social interaction occurs in face-to-face
communication. The world sees this problem continue to grow as it adopts
new technologies.
Texting is prominent in close to every individuals life. It has created a
new way of communication that has also created many problems dealing
with poor communication, miscommunication, and unhealthy
communication. The negative effects of texting are starting to be realized
just as the problems with the Internet were drawn out soon after its peak in
society. This is the reason for the creation of Gary Turks short film. Especially
amongst college students, texting creates many problems in dating culture.
It might be time to power down and lay the phone to rest. In this paper I
will present the rules and social stigmas that society has created for texting
in dating culture. I will also discuss the major problems of these in romantic
relationships that have been caused by text messaging. Given that
information, one will deduce that it is time to turn off the phones and regress
back to face-to-face communication with regards to dating culture.

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One prominent change in technology of the past decade is the
explosion of communication through text messaging. In turn, communication
in dating culture has been forever transformed because of the effects of text
messaging. According to a USA Today study, 44 percent of females and 37
percent of males find that it is easier to express feelings and get to know one
another through texting (Jayson). Yet, this replacement of traditional face-toface communication has affected romantic relationships negatively. Many
studies have been done to show the correlation between texting between
couples and the effects it has on their relationship. One study published in
the Journal of Youth and Adolescence suggests that text messaging between
romantic partners can create new avenues for psychological abuse (Zweig
1306). Another study done by two psychology professors at IPFW in Indiana
shows a correlation between technological communication and attachment
(Drouin and Landgraff). Many of the sources come to the conclusion that
texting in the dating culture of modern society has had many negative
effects. Yet, this is now the norm of communication. Therefore, what are we
going to do in the future to help create healthy and safe communication in
the relationships of rising generations? It is a question that needs to be
addressed as the world becomes more focused around technology and where
almost every US citizen has a device with texting capabilities. The negative
effects of texting are enough to say that it is time to put the phone down and
revert to prior forms of communication.

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As texting continues to grow as a form of communication in dating
culture, rules and regulations are also being formed. A stigma has been
created as to the social norms and the faux pas of texting a romantic
interest. Katherine Santana, a Mass Communication major at Iona, reflects
the views of text message communication of college students. She claims
that although texting has become a prominent source of communication in
society, it is also a new source of anxiety when conversing with a love
interest. Another recent study conducted by USA Today reflects one of the
anxieties formed from this medium of communication, which is the socially
acceptable amount of time one can wait before replying to a text from a
significant other. The survey included 1,500 dating individuals and the
results showed that 25 percent of people concluded that an hour is the
maximum socially acceptable span of time for responding to a text from a
dating partner (Santana). USA Today writer, Sharon Jayson concurs on this
fact in her Miami Times article. Though it was found that an hour was the
maximum acceptable amount of time to respond to a text, ten percent of
individuals expect a response much earlier than that (Jayson). These are new
guidelines of communication that have been created because of the outburst
of text messaging in the past decade. The guidelines have created
communication that is not fun and productive, but rather stressful and
limited. This phenomenon of creating rules is not new, but rather just
occurring again now that there is a new form of technology and potentially to
a greater extent because of the convenience of constant availability. When

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trying to get to know someone, there should not be the anxiety of what to
say and when you can say it. That is unnatural. When speaking to someone
verbally, one does not wait an hour to reply. Rather conversation is
constructive and less limiting.
Now, think back to the time when calling someone to ask them on a
date left people with sweaty palms and quaking fingers as they dialed the
number. That is no longer the case as calling people has been replaced by
texting when it comes to initiating a relationship. Nearly one-third of people
admit that it is easier and less nerve-wracking to ask someone out using text
messaging rather than a phone call (Jayson). Texting may create a new
avenue for communication, but it comes with a price. Santana explains that,
Texting and the use of other forms of social media have produced a
resistance to communicate with fully developed thoughts and emotions. It
also bears a lot of room for miscommunication due to this inability to fully
express oneself through this form of contact. There is now the fear of
sounding to desperate, or waiting too long to text back, or even not receiving
a text message from a desired person at all. Texting takes away the intimacy
of communication. Words are no longer exchanged with meaning and
purpose. Instead, a small graphic, called an emoji, replaces sentiments
(Santana). This change has created relationships that are shallow and that
merely skim the surface of intimacy. One cannot learn much from a potential
partner through a simple smiley face emoji. This form of contact has created
a detachment between individuals. Instead of facing each other in the midst

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of a fight, one actor of the relationship can simply just shy away, put the
phone down and leave their loved one in a world of confusion and longing for
answers. The lure of technology is not worth causing all of this confusion in
relationships. Perhaps it is time to wake up and notice that if things keep
progressing the way they are, we will soon enough be sitting at a restaurant,
on a date, staring at our phone and communicating solely through text, and
lacking all senses of intimacy.
When communicating through technology, such as texting, there is a
great opportunity for miscommunication. It does not come as a surprise that,
Tone of voice and facial cues have been found to be important aspects of
interpersonal communication that help enhance the clarity of messages
(Coyne et al. 151). These aspects of communication cannot be included in
texting. When reading the words from a relatively small screen, that is all it
is, words. It is up to the receiver to interpret the text and understand the way
in which the sender would deliver the message verbally. It is common
knowledge that good communication skills are needed in a relationship. If
texting is a means of creating poor communication, then one should limit the
use of that form of contact in a relationship. Although people recognize that
verbal communication is necessary in relationships, people are increasingly
more likely to rely on the relative safety of a text for initial contacts as well
as keeping in touch as a relationship develops (Jayson). Particularly when
initiating a relationship, it is important to have clear communication to
understand the motives and desired futures of the other partner. If not, it can

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leave one guessing where they stand in the process of relationship
development. It was found that the average person sends a text to their
partner at least once day, and then more (Coyne et al. 155). With this much
texting going on between partners in a relationship, it leaves a lot of room
for miscommunication. Though, rules have begun to spring up on how to
interpret texts from a love interest, it is still a touchy subject. Many people
look to the spelling of words, or use of specific emojis to understand the
message. Counting the number of ys someone puts on their hey is not
the best way to determine someones feelings. These rules for interpreting
text messages are just leading to more misunderstanding and
miscommunication. Face-to-face communication does not result in perfect
communication, but it does include the vital factors of communication stated
above (tone of voice and facial cues) that help better the understanding
between partners. Texting is not the correct form of communication when
needing to talk seriously within a relationship, or even when defining the
relationship. This is an example of the negative side to texting, and it just
goes to show that most times it is easier to use verbal communication and
decrease the possibility for miscommunication.
Not only has texting created miscommunication, but it has also created
unhealthy communication. The Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that,
recent advances in technology (e.g., social networking, texting on cellular
phones) have expanded and changed the ways in which youth can
experience teen dating violence, adding a new term cyber dating abuse

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(Zweig et al. 1306). This is another addition to the long list of negative
effects caused by texting. Cyber dating abuse overlaps with psychological
abuse, just in a new form of deliverance. Before, psychological abuse was
performed with both actors present, but now with the ability to contact
people at any time, without physically being present, it brings this form of
abuse to a whole new level (Zweig et al. 1306). This degree of abuse is
much more debilitating because it can be done at a moments notice. One
could open their phone an unexpectedly find a text filled with cruel and
hurtful messages. This then affects that person in the environment they are
in rather than if they were face-to-face with that person and could walk away.
One cannot walk away from this type of abuse, being that one is not
physically there for it. Instead, it is in the palm of the hand, staring back at
the reader, leaving them vulnerable and defenseless. The authors of the
study, Correlates of Cyber Dating Abuse Among Teens, phrase it perfectly
by stating, Abuse through technology presents a unique opportunity for
perpetrators to gain access to victims at any time and to publicly humiliate
victims to an extent never before possible (Zweig et al. 1307).
There are many different ways in which cyber-abuse can be classified.
A study was conducted using 56 individuals which led to the finding of six
different ways in which cyber-abuse is carried out. These behaviors include:
arguing, keeping tabs on a partners location or controlling their actions,
being emotionally aggressive to your romantic interest, distancing oneself by
not responding to texts, seeking help during violent periods, and finally

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reestablishing contact with your partner after a violent/abusive episode
(Zweig et al. 1307). All of these actions are carried out through a text that
can be formed and sent in less than a minute. It goes to show that this form
of technology is a powerful tool relationships partners can use to abuse. In a
previous study performed it was found that 25% of the individuals studied
stated that they had been harassed, called names, or had been put down by
their significant other via text messaging (Zweig et al. 1307). Results from
the study done in the article were very similar. It was found that 26% of the
3,745 dating survey participants had experienced cyber-abuse (Zweig et al.
1309). These results were not as high as the results of psychological and
physical dating abuse, but nevertheless, these results prove that texting, and
other forms of technological communication, has generated a new outlet in
which one can be abused, or perform the abuse. By powering down and
putting the phone aside, these results can be changes. We can eliminate
cyber-abuse by limiting virtual communication between dating partners.
There is a sense of confidence and being invincible when hiding behind the
screen of a phone. This is why some people find it easier to argue and be
cruel through texting. One also does not have to face the person and risk
seeing the reaction to their cruelty. Therefore, to reduce the risk of cyberabuse, texting needs to be limited in relationships.
One other form of texting that has the possibility of falling under the
cyber-abuse category is sexting. Sexting is sending sexually explicit
messages via text or picture messages (Drouin and Landgraff 444). Twenty

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percent of teens (13-19) and 31% of young adults (20-26) have participated
in sexting. This has become a concerning topic of interest due to the fact
that minors are involved in this form of pornography. States are issuing new
laws that can get students expelled if they are found sexting on any school
property, or on their way to or from school (Drouin and Landgraff 444). The
cyber-abuse aspect comes in when someone coerces or threatens their
partner into sending these explicit texts or photos. A study showed that 67%
of individuals sent sexually explicit text messages and 54% sent pictures or
videos that were sexually explicit. In a particular study, authors
hypothesized that anxiously-attached individuals might use sexting as a
means to elicit a response or seek reassurance from their partners (Drouin
and Landgraff 445-446). Reassurance should not have to be reached by
exposing oneself, especially in a way that lacks intimacy and that has the
possibility of being shared with others rather than the recipient. In the study
for Correlates of Cyber Dating Abuse Among Teens, the survey given out to
determine if cyber-abuse had been prevalent included the following
statements: (1)Sent me sexual photos or naked photos of himself/herself
that he/ she knew I did not want (2) Threatened me if I did not send a sexual
or naked photo of myself (3) Pressured me to send a sexual or naked photo
of myself (Zweig et al. 1318). Therefore, one can deduce that sexting, or
sex texting, can lead to cyber-abuse as well. With the statistics of how many
people are participating in sexting, it proposes the question of how much of it
is being done fully willingly. This is a major con of texting in relationships,

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and is also a reason why things that used to be done physically (talking and
sexual activity) should remain to be done physically and not through
technology.
For those who find conversing with the opposite sex difficult, some
may argue that texting creates a new way for them to express themselves
emotionally. Texting is kind of an ongoing conversation. It does make it
easier to flirt. Maybe you're talking every day, says Alex Pulda, 27, It's not
like text conveys a ton of emotion, but you are getting a little more
comfortable with each other (Jayson). This may be true, but the degree to
which the couple is getting to know each other, is very slim. Even Pulda
admitted that text does not convey much emotion. Relationships are full of
emotions and conversation. Sharon Jayson states, Texting vs. talking keeps
it casual. While this may be accurate, we have already found that talking
does a lot of things that texting cannot for a relationship. Clinical
psychologist Beverly Palmer says, because text doesn't afford the level of
intimacy that voice does, relationships can be ended much quicker (Jayson).
When beginning a relationship, there is a lot of vulnerability in letting
someone in to get to know one another. Author Katherine Santana stated,
College is a place where students are supposed to get up, go out and meet
people. However, technology has created a world where the easy, immediate
response of a text message has replaced meaningful conversation. So the
answer is yes, it may be easier to text with someone to initiate a

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relationship and get to know one another, but in the long run it will lead to a
relationship that lacks emotional depth and good communication.
It is safe to say that the negatives of texting outweigh the benefits. The
problem the world faces now is how to control the use of texting in
relationships, as we become more and more mobile-dependent. We do not
want to live a life like the one depicted in Gary Turks short film, Look Up.
The man in that video is lost and alone in a world where technology has
replaced face-to-face communication. He is missing out on opportunities to
make real connections with people, people that could end up being his soul
mate. The point of the video and the goal of this paper are one in the same.
It is time to acknowledge that though technology might be growing rapidly
that does not mean that we must go with it. To put the future of our
relationships at the expense of a cell phone seems preposterous. Therefore,
we must not do that. Power down the phone, put it away, and experience a
world without the constant communication at the tips of ones fingers. As
Gary Turk says in his video: So look up from your phone, shut down those
displays, we have a finite existence, a set number of days. Why waste all our
time getting caught in the net,
as when the end comes, nothings worse than regret.

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Works Cited
Coyne, Sarah M., Laura Stockdale, Dean Busby, Bethany Iverson, and David
M. Grant. "I Luv U :)!: A Descriptive Study of the Media Use of
Individuals in Romantic Relationships." Family Relations 60.2 (2011):
150-62. Web. 18 Mar. 2015.
Drouin, Michelle, and Carly Landgraff. "Texting, Sexting, and Attachment in
College Students Romantic Relationships." Computers in Human
Behavior 28.2 (2012): 444-49. Web. 20 Mar. 2015.
Green, Lelia. Communication, Technology and Society. London: SAGE, 2002.
Print
Jayson, Sharon. "Cellphones and Texting have Blown Up the Dating
Culture." Miami Times: 2. Jul 2013. ProQuest. Web. 18 Mar. 2015.
Santana, Katherine. "Texting, tweeting and dating, oh my!" UWIRE Text 2 Apr.
2014: 1. Expanded Academic ASAP. Web. 16 Mar. 2015.
Turk, Gary. "Look Up." Gary Turk. N.p., n.d. Web. 01 Apr. 2015.
Zweig, Janine, Pamela Lachman, Jennifer Yahner, and Meredith Dank.
"Correlate of Cyber Dating Abuse Among Teens." Journal of Youth and
Adolescence 43.8 (2013): 1306-321. SpringerLink. Web. 16 Mar. 2015.

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